#it's about finally overcoming his own selfishness and proving that he has truly changed

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 150 Review: Master and Disciple

Needless to say, this is going to be long.   Needful to say this is going to be almost entirely meta. 

There’s a new archive site being considered for OPM manga chapters.  No need to sign up with Google to read, no ads, and so far I’ve found it clean and fast loading.  So, please go read chapter 150 here if you need the story/want to refresh your mind on the fine points:  https://catmanga.org/series/opm/150  @vibhavm​  would also like to know what you make of the site -- message him directly. :)

Right, with that out of the way, let’s GO!

Excellent call back to Bang using the same words

The Rod of Discipline

I have been dying for backstory for Bang and Garou forever, and here we are!  Normally, I do get annoyed when backstory is interspersed with a current fight, but in this instance, it adds a much-needed context to everything that is happening.

We find out mostly through Bomb, who is watching the showdown between erstwhile master and disciple closely.  As the elder of the pair,  Bomb has seen it as his role to correct the dissolute life his talented younger brother once led.   The cruel, selfish, hard-drinking, hard-fighting and sluttish life that Bang had once led would be difficult for anyone to countenance and with Bang hurting people on a whim,  Bomb decided that he had to step in.

“You haven’t even overcome yourself.” That is for me the pivotal line here.

Overcoming oneself seems to be the theme here.  It’s definitely been the big thing for Bang, first feeling ashamed that he had tried to kill his own brother while the latter had shown restraint even as he beat him down.  

Bang disciplined himself, set aside his offensive style to develop an incredible defensive style, opened a school and even became a hero more recently.   We see a series of snapshots as Bomb watches Bang’s development approvingly.  He’s been more ambivalent of Bang’s decision to become a hero,  but you can’t fault Bomb for still keeping an eye and supportive hand on his brother, come what may.

It's good to see that while his brother succeeded in admonishing him for his selfish and anti social life, Bang still has to learn to truly give of himself to others. Turning over a new leaf is a nice idiom, but truly changing oneself is a long-term project.  I’ve written before about Bang’s failings as a master. Bang acknowledging his failings as a master in text is so important. It's not just Garou: losing nearly all his students is an outcome of his neglecting them. 

Even in his ninth decade of life, there’s something wholesome and humbling about seeing Bang realise that he still has things to learn and room to grow.   He wants to get through to Garou the way Bomb got through to him.   That’s why he’s thrown away chance after chance to land a killing blow, getting hit and hit again as he faces off against Garou and hopes to reach him.

We leave off as something seems to be happening to Garou.  He’s still and his mask is cracking.  Bang is watching expectantly and...

...ah, but we’re going to have to wait and see what happens as we go to see what else is going on.

To the Bitter End

Over on the other side of the battlefield, something else is going crack and another disciple is questioning his convictions. Under the relentless assault of billions of monsters, Genos’s legs have finally given way and he goes crashing to the ground.   But he doesn’t think of his predicament first: Tatsumaki is also down for the count and she’s in a worse state than he is in.   He rockets over, slams the Black Sperms holding Tatsumaki into paste and starts to drag Tatsumaki away.

Unfortunately, her dress is a heck of a lot stretchier than it looks, making dragging her hard work.  Black Sperm isn’t helping, taunting him with the number of ‘him’ left over ( about 4.5 billion).  It’s hopeless.  There isn’t a way to turn this situation around.

As though to echo Genos’s gloomy thoughts, Tatsumaki briefly regains consciousness to ask him to run away already.

Tatsumaki, going back to Demon Cyborg rather than Genos is on one level emotional separation, but it’s more than that. By calling him by his hero name, she's also absolving him of any guilt in abandoning her.  Heroes hate to leave someone behind and are big on berating themselves that there should have been something they could have done.  By telling him there's nothing he could have done, she's telling him it's okay to leave.

And in answer, he laid on top of her to shield her from the monster as long as possible.

Not that Black Sperm is making it easy.  Genos has propped himself up as much as possible so as to provide a buffer between himself and Tatsumaki and the monster is pile-driving his head and what’s left of his arms into the ground, but it’s worse than that. The last page is filled with blood splatter and that blood is Genos’s. It’s not easy to make a full-bodied cyborg bleed (but we saw such an event early on, when Genos ripped Armored Gorilla’s limbs off and thrashed the poor creature so soundly blood poured out of its nose), but you can... and with so little body, Genos doesn’t have much blood to spare. This isn’t just broken parts to be fixed overnight.  He really is getting beaten to death here.

Looking at this, I’m thinking just how true to his name, Genocide, he is.  You see, the kanji with which his name is written means ‘great slaughter’ but it also means ‘to fight fiercely until the end’.  Even in the terrible state he is in, he still has the power to slaughter every last monster on site by self-detonating and erasing all life in a five kilometer radius.  But he’s turned away from that to continue to fight for the life of one lousy human being with whom he’s never gotten along, even at the price of a slow and painful death.  Even if it turns out to be for nothing. 

If that’s not strength, I don’t know what that is.   A lot of the words may be carried over from the webcomic, but they hit completely differently. It’s sad to see Genos thinking himself weak because he can’t do what Saitama does and stretch out a lazy arm to eliminate even the toughest enemies, but he’s shown us so graphically how much more to strength there is than inexhaustible physical prowess.

Meta: The More Similar, The More Important the Differences

It’s easy to see the physical similarities between Garou and Bang and easy to note how both of them are drowning in talent   But I can’t help but be struck by how different their rationales are in coming off the rails.  There is no way Garou would not have been appalled by Young Bang.  Garou is motivated by his struggling to think of how to make a positive, noticeable impact on the world, not just his own personal gratification. 

Garou does not drink, smoke, take drugs, chase after women (or men).  He may be getting in a lot of fights, but they’re not purely for fun.  He’s a good person wrestling with his place in the world.  On the other hand, Bang has been a bad person who is wrestling with his desire to become a better person in this world. 

I’m thinking... just as we know that Bang’s joining the Hero Association wasn’t mainly intended as a message to Bomb (who saw it as his little brother saying ‘I’ve really changed), I’m sure Bang is seeing Garou as being just like him in the reason he’s acting out, which isn’t right either.

I’m not having a good feeling about this as I look at the brothers’ hopeful faces.

Coda: ONE is evil, part 66

I've been saying that this arc, ONE has been going out of his way to break heroes in a way they find most painful to them, and he’s really brought the savage. Melting off Darkshine’s skin.  Killing Atomic’s friends and mentors in front of him in the nastiest way possible. I’m sure that Atomic Samurai is going to be triggered every time he even hears someone slurping up a thick milkshake.   A guy like Genos, who likes a six-foot separation distance between himself and 99.9999999% of the world, ONE loves inflicting prolonged, sadistic, dignity-attacking manglings on him. 

This time, ONE has outdone himself, by presenting Genos with situations where putting himself in compromising positions is the only heroic course of action.  Way up too close to Drive Knight, who compounded the indignity by discarding him shamelessly as soon as he got what he wanted from him.  I can see ONE now, steepling his fingers.  'Oh, you want to protect Tatsumaki at all costs, eh?  Admirable, admirable, now climb on top of her. Yeah, you heard right. Chop-chop, those little monsters aren't going to wait around forever.  She won’t mind -- she’s passed out.  Oh, you mind? Look on the bright side, once they beat you to death, you're not going to have to remember this. Then again, given how tough you are, that may take a while...'

If Bang is hoping that the cracking of Garou’s mask is going to reveal a newly-penitent student, ready to give him another chance, he may be in for an unpleasant surprise.

[mattzerella-sticks]

🌊What the Water Gave Him 🌊

Destiel-centric finale spec based on a post I made earlier, found here

Can be read on ao3 here

It was over. Chuck lost, Sam and Dean can live their lives how they want them. But their victory wasn't without losses. The biggest upset nearly taking Dean out of the game, happening so close to the final battle. Now he's on the other side, alive against all odds, but Sam knows he isn't happy. Not truly happy since the Empty stole his best friend.

But there's a chance they can save him. A slim chance. A risk that Dean's willing to take despite every logical nerve in Sam's body screaming at him to look for better options. That threading a needle this small is too dangerous. That they don't have to take on another big bad, not anymore. That they don't have to risk their lives anymore. Dean is far past the point of listening. Dead set on this mission, Sam can only watch.

And pray his brother proves him wrong.

           He stands along the water’s edge, gentle waves lapping the rocky shore. Barely licking at his boots while he gazes upon the beautiful, blue stretch of lake. Sun hanging low on the horizon, sky a far deeper color of orange than earlier.

           They’ve been at this for over an hour.

           Sam glances behind him, skin crawling as he sees nothing changed since last he looked. Jack stationed on one edge of the circle, Michael at the other. Dean between them, his eyes closed. Lying deathly still over the sigils scratched into the earth. His skin pale, and both hands tightly clasped around tan fabric folded over Dean’s lap.

           He hates this. What Dean’s doing. That Sam cannot help. And how it’s their only option.

           Jack saw this once before. A variation of it, actually. “When I killed Nick,” he said, handing out copies of photographs he printed out amongst their little group. “I found him in the middle of resurrecting Lucifer –“

           “If he just had a little more patience,” Dean sneered. “Chuck could’ve saved him a whole lot of effort, though I’d doubt it’d end any differently.” Adam nodded at Dean’s side, studying his copy with interest like Sam did. Trying to identify the scene Jack captured. Dean continued, not even addressing the image. “Do you think this can work?”

           “Given who we’re doing this for, no,” he admitted, “the spell Nick found would only open a portal to the Empty, wake Lucifer up. It would then be up to him to cross over, and with his amount of power that wouldn’t be difficult.” Jack then opened the book he brought, pushing it into the middle of the table. Pointing at an illustration. “But I think I can modify it. Although…”

           Sam set the photo down, facing Jack. “What is it Jack?”

           “I… well, it’d be very complicated,” he started, not meeting Sam’s gaze. “For it to work, me and Michael would need to use all of our power.”

           “To wake Cas? Jack, you did it before –“

           “When the Empty was asleep,” Jack said, “when they weren’t expecting it. When Cas hadn’t already ticked them off… they’ve already lost him once.”

           “And they won’t be keen on losing Cas again,” Dean added. A storm darkening his hooded stare. Sam watched him sink into his seat, memories from that awful night weighing on Dean. It haunted him, too. Finding Dean curled around himself the next morning, unresponsive, incoherently mumbling about their friend. Shoulder stained with dried blood. In time, he recovered as he always did. Sometimes though Sam feared he’d turn and there Dean would be. Shattered completely with no chance of putting those pieces together. Stuck in that helpless ball, trembling. Forever praying. That’s not the case now. No sign of careful fragility anymore, the storm passing. Back ramrod straight Dean carelessly flicked the photo away. “What else you need?”

           “Ingredients that we have here at the Bunker, I’m sure,” Jack continued, “a nice open space where we can perform the ritual. Something that belonged to Cas, that will resonate with his unique wavelength. And finally…” he trailed off near the end, faltering.

           “Jack,” Sam said, “What else?”

           “One of us would have to go in,” he told them, “but… there’s a chance they might not come back.” For the first second, there’s silence. The next –

           “Jack, there has to be –“

           “I’ll do it.”

           He whipped his head towards him, scowling at the grim determination of Dean’s face. Lips thinned in a small line. Brows bent aggressively. An expression that appeared whenever Dean grabbed onto the most idiotic, suicidal thought he had and stubbornly refused to surrender. He’d refuse any option other than what he decided. Arguing with him when he’s like that was impossible.

           Sam tried regardless.

           “There has to be another way,” Sam whispered, both men waiting as Jack and Michael recreated Nick’s sigil-work in the dirt. Leaning against Baby’s frame, drinking in silence. “Billie always threatened she’d throw us in there one day, why don’t we ask her –“

           “She’d never agree to it, Sammy. Too messy.” Dean wouldn’t look at Sam. Not since he exploded on Dean back at the Bunker. Called him selfish, that the last thing Cas wants is Dean endangering himself. His tantrum earned Sam a swift right hook he still has the bruise from, cheek mottled blue and green. Dean’s knuckles newly scabbed. “Billie plays by the universe’s rules… and we make our own.”

           “Yes, finally. Rules we fought so hard to make, I…” Sam sighed, “we were finished, Dean. No more big risks. We won. Facing the Empty… there’s no do-over button if you get stuck there.”

           “I’m okay with that.”

           “And yet you’re still doing this?”

           “It’s like I told you Sam,” he said, finally deigning Sam with a frigid glance. Steely resolve sharpening it, cutting through him. “Have been telling you. You don’t have a clue what’s really going on. If you knew… you’d see there’s no risk at all.”

           Sam’s temper flares now, pain edging his vision. “Then let me in, Dean. Tell me. Why are you so afraid of –“

           “I’m not afraid –“

           “You clearly are,” he hissed, “otherwise you wouldn’t be throwing yourself into another near-death experience instead of having a simple conversation with me.” Sam reels his anger back, softening. Pleading. “I want Cas here as much as you do, Dean. But there has to be another way.”

           Dean drained his bottle and then threw it. Far enough so when it exploded the glass wouldn’t touch them. “If it were Eileen stuck in there,” he said, “you’d know there wasn’t.”

           He paused. “Eileen? What’s that have to –“

           Jack called, saying they were ready. Dean stalked off towards them. Sam left behind in his confusion. “Do you have the anchor?”

           “Right here.” He showed Jack the trench coat, grip on it gentle like if he squeezed any tighter Dean might rip it. “Where do you want me?”

           Sam remembered Dean rambled on about its sturdiness. Boasting how he gassed the store clerk with half-truths to not draw suspicion when asking after ‘protective outerwear’. Buying it because he noticed a tear along the seam of Cas’s armpit. “I thought he’d stitch it up,” Dean laughed, whipping his purchase like a cape. Playing with it. Sam chuckled at his brother’s antics. “But he just shrugged and carried on like it was nothing. I asked him why he left it and he tells me that it’d be a waste of his grace.”

           “Then why didn’t you mend it for him?”

           “…What?”

           “Come on, Dean,” Sam said, “you’re a master with the needle. And I’m not talking about sewing gashes… do you recall the Luke Skywalker costume you made me from those stolen motel bed sheets?”

           Dean blushed, “I was just a kid then, Sammy…”

           “Still the best costume, better than any of those store-bought ones at school.”

           “Well… maybe I didn’t want to fix it,” he said, “that’s why. I mean… sure I could’ve. But then he’d rip it again and… it’s not like he can’t have another jacket! Cas needs a little more variety.”

           Sam snorted. “Yeah, because a slightly lighter brown is really crazy for him. What’s he even gonna do with it?”

           “Wear it?” Dean said, “Or… put it away, keep it here. Dude’s been living with us this long and how much stuff does he own? It might not be a huge change but it’s… it’s a start, Sam.”

           Dean was right in buying it. Ransacking Cas’s room, there wasn’t anything they could use for the spell save for the single, untouched trench coat hanging in his closet. As Sam leaves that memory, he realized too late the others began without him. Jack and Michael knelt like statues. His brother had left for the Empty.

           And he’s still there.

           Helpless while Dean pokes the bear in his cave. Sitting on the sidelines as he faces down an extraordinary being with limitless powers, like beating Chuck wasn’t pure luck. Like any of their efforts left a scratch on him. It was a group effort, what little remained of their family pitching in. Sending Chuck onto his next project. But this… it was just Dean. He was alone. And worse… Sam thinks his brother wanted it that way.

           If it were Eileen stuck in there, you’d know it wasn’t.

           When he wasn’t worrying about Dean, Sam mulled over his parting message. Trying to fit together the pieces Dean gave. He suspects it’s a simple picture. A niggling sense at the base of his skull tells Sam that the answer is clear. It always was. Except he looked past it, over and over, again and again. Never seeing the truth of it. Of Dean and Cas. Without either of them here, where he can observe them one more time – careful, in a way Sam hasn’t before – Sam doubts he will uncover much of anything.

           At least it distracts him from Dean. Until it doesn’t.

           Dean gasps, lurching forward. Coughing, spitting up bile and gagging on air. Michael collapses, exhausted. Jack almost follows but overcomes his dizziness. Sam, the only unaffected one, dashes towards. Rubs Dean’s back while he works through his nausea. How Dean lets him either shows he’s too woozy to know it’s him, or the earlier animosity was forgotten. As Dean claws at his shirt, gasping, repeating his name, Sam guesses the latter. “Yes, Dean?” he says, “What is it?”

           “Cas,” he says, voice hoarse and raw, “Where… where is he?”

           There weren’t any portals. Nor did a star shoot downwards from the sky. Their friend had not even blinked into existence with a smile and a familiar rumble.  “Cas,” Sam sighs, “Cas. Dean, I don’t think –“

           “Cas.”

           He scrambles to his feet, knocking Sam onto the ground. Dean runs across the shore and, when he reaches the lake, wades in. Fully dressed, madly waving the trench coat. Sam yells, but Dean ignores him. Hellbent on drowning himself.

           Except Sam misses it, again.

           Someone meets Dean halfway. Breaking through the lake’s surface, swimming to where the water rests above their waists. Drags his brother into a hug, spinning him. With raven hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes crinkled with joy and life and love. “Cas,” Sam says, “it’s… it worked?”

           “Of course it worked,” Jack says, “This is Dean and Cas.”

           Maybe Sam understands because of the off-hand way Jack spoke about the two men. Or, more likely, it’s when Cas – wrapped in the trench coat Dean bought him – sweeps Dean into his arms and kisses him. Dean melts under his touch, responding with an excitement that had been absent when Chuck left them alone for real. It doesn’t matter how. He finally gets it.

           Dean and Cas… they get their happy ending.

[imasimpforstevengrant]

Into you

@raven-romanoff

@maristela1968

@flaky178

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Author's note:

First off... Gif made from the original video.

https://youtu.be/iqDUGD8SHF4

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I have to confess I wanted to write another smut for Arthur/Harleen since the first one I wrote wasn't so satisfying... So, here it is! It took me a long time to write it (two months, actually. Bless the writer's block, FFS) so I hope you like it!

Second, sorry for any typos because english is not my first language (Chilean Spanish Strikes Back once again lol).

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Summary: Follow up to "I feel you". After his first night with Harleen, Arthur cannot get enough of her... And she has more in store for him than just a few warm, kind words.

Warnings: insecurity, (considerable) age gap, self loathing, swearing, masturbation (both receiving), strong sexual themes, unprotected sex, mild dirty talk... And smut.

Words: 8.540 (sorry if it's too long. I hope you don't get bored)

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The clock marked 5:46 a.m. when Arthur opened his eyes. He had a blanket over his frail, undressed form and was alone. The missing presence of Harleen alarmed him, believing it was another painful hallucination or worse. The idea she regretted the union and decided to lock in her bedroom to sleep by herself  harassed his mind incessantly. 

As soon as the neon lights shone before his eyes, he knew everything was alright. He almost fell on the couch again, relieved. But he never stopped asking where she was, though the calm background around him tenderly convinced the convulsed psyche to not keep tormenting. 

As he yawned, taking a seat, he replayed everything that happened a few hours ago. 

He just had sex.

Chuckling, he lit up a cigarette. And thought about what happened one more time so his brain would memorize it. 

Harleen allowed him to touch her. 

The memory of her moaning and straddling him set him on fire. Harleen had such a good time and he loved to see her enjoying it. The killing eagerness to repeat the act, just to see her again coming undone, to hear her lustful moans slowly took over his mind. 

He took a deep breath and looked for his hoodie. The cloth in question was found on a puddle of mixed garments, which included her peach coloured pajamas and his pants. Arthur took the blanket off partially to grab the sleeveless shirt with certain desperation to smell it, to prove himself this wasn’t his imagination. The sweet, fruity smell filled his nose, almost submerging him into a high state. It wasn’t enough, though. A profound nuzzle into the garment served as a vain way to revive the sensations experimented as Harleen let his mouth roam over her chest. He absorbed the fresh, fruity scent. Eventually the need the dirty habit brought with it overcame the ritual that reduced Arthur to a starving animal. As the hunger diminished, he put the piece of clothing aside. Arthur took his time, remembering the initial goal by rummaging the cloth puddle: the pack of cigarettes showed up coming out the right pocket in a scalene triangle shape. He took it immediately, also taking the lighter. 

As he smoked his cigarette, for the first time he thought how lucky he was. As a malevolent chuckle reverberated through the air, he finally savoured what was that contact he yearned so much. A sensation of being an ordinary man nested on his heart. That’s what an ordinary man had, right? A job, a girlfriend, a sex life. He laid back on the couch again, bathing in this new, positive emotions. Looking at the shelf full of books, small crystal figures and a portrait of her holding a scroll, most likely her diploma once she got her degree. Arthur quickly got up to hold the portrait, watching it carefully. She seemed so… happy. 

Returning the portrait to its original place, he stepped to the couch again. His thoughts clouded by the wonderful moment Harleen shared with him: loved how gentle she was, how considerate and patiently handled the loss of his celibacy in such an skilled way. It was the first time he truly felt in tune with someone in his entire fucking life. It was way beyond the physical bonding. He couldn’t find the words for it but he was sure about how he felt. 

Seen. 

While Arthur was searching another cigarette to smoke, another rowdy idea swarmed in his mind: he had never found himself attractive, given his eternal history of rejection from everyone and his frail appearance just increased the mute but obvious aura of dislike around him. What were the odds for a woman like Harleen to fall for him? One in a million. Her looks could perfectly allow her a good life as a model and her kindness and easygoing personality would even take her farther away from the poverty of the building. Yet, she didn't seem interested in pursue a better, new life. She could perfectly have any man at her mercy and still she preferred to stay, actually giving a damn about others. 

Suddenly his self loathing bloomed fully again. What could he possibly offer her, except for misery and sorrow? Nothing. Nothing but a unquenchable thirst for her. An aged, pained soul devoid of love. She deserved better. A strong man. 

A man of her own age. 

Quickly his eyes closed. The hated guilt, the same he swore he had overcome, came back like a furious, stormy surge. Arthur felt he had committed an unforgivable sin by sleeping with her. She was so precious, so joyful... And so young. Things Arthur was far from. He was so inexperienced, so clumsy, so flawed... A dark part of him felt he had defiled her, that he had taken advantage of her gentleness to sate his own selfish desires. This sense of perversion flooded his mind, reducing the happy moment to a mistake that shouldn't have been. His lungs crumpled the air, if the smoke didn't disperse it. The hand that left free palmed the forehead, to drive away the negativity. 

Suddenly his mind remembered the laughing fit. And the gentle hug that followed it. The pieces in this puzzle came together. Harleen holding him right against her chest in a searing yet tender embrace. Not even his mother would offer such comforting balm. 

Arthur then let a short cackle to shatter the silence. He definitely had something but he did not know for sure what was that something. It had to be more than just being a 'hard working man'. If she was so gentle with him, surely a feeling was on the way. To his mind comes the tender memory of their first meeting. The first thing he got from her was a warm, kind smile through the fence.

Of course, the cursed fit fucked up everything. But it happened! The open palm patted his chest, calming down the turbulent flow inside of him. The happy memory of their first meeting brought also the passionate moment of the first kiss which almost led them to the bed. 

Arthur processed a thousand things that night. But one thing was for certain: that night Harleen awoke a hunger he had never felt in his life. Never saying it but showing it in their kissing sessions. He remembered that one time when he was expecting her to return after her shift. It was late at night. His knee bounced while Arthur smoked three cigarettes in the meantime. But he wasn’t alone. There were two young men a few feet away who minded their own business. Arthur feared them to be robbers but nothing happened. He put his hoodie on and kept smoking. A bus arrived but she wasn’t among the four people who stepped down from the vehicle. Two more came, but she was never among them. It started to get on his nerves when a taxi finally stopped and revealed the lovely passenger:

As soon as Harleen set foot outside, Arthur jumped out from the bench. The two other men witnessed the scene: their faces changed from curiousity to actual surprise when the blonde threw her arms to the man who evidently was older than her. But the lovers didn’t care. Their kiss was so heated that the youngest of the two muttered “damn” under his breath. They couldn’t stop staring at them, but Arthur was too focused on sharing their lips in a desperate dance. He was oblivious to the envy he inspired in every man whenever Harleen would display her affection in public. Therefore, he didn’t care. He longed to take the initiative in their eventual intimate encounter but the fear his inexperience would ruin it prevented any attempt to start intimacy. Harleen was aware of how hard was for him to begin with physical contact, though he never denied it. She could tell he had so much to say by just looking at his eyes. Patience with him would pay off. And the worst part of all this? The fits. 

The fucking laughing fits. And Harleen could only hug the pain away against her chest while his head found shelter in it. He froze in the position where he basically clawed to her body. It was the third time he had one in front of her, the second being in the empty subway after a date. It was after a careless kiss Harleen granted to his lips while waiting for him to go off work. He could tell she had been drinking: she was way more affectionate than usual. The spontaneous caress on his lips took him by surprise. He laughed at his fucking frustration on how he could possibly cope with what was regarded as the ultimate loss of personal space. He considered himself as a romantic at heart but Harleen’s overwhelming passion reminded him of how inexperienced he was, how unsure he was actually feeling relating to his damaged masculinity. 

It was almost like a pessimistic prelude before their first night together, since Arthur did not have the chance to come closer to her disregarding sex. He just had kissed and embraced her, restraining his touches to her face, neck and waist but never beyond there. Arthur preferred the silent sensuality of passiveness, though he desired to sink down deep inside of her. 

The crude self loathing drifted to another question: Where was she?  

Taking the blanket off him and putting his pants on, Arthur wandered over the flat and saw a dim orange light glowing behind the door, which was open just a crack. Analysing the lit lines, he then paid attention to the steam coming from the bathroom. He stopped breathing, closing his eyes to not commit the sin to spy on her. 

His right hand knocked the door, leaning into it expecting the answer. A few seconds later, her voice approved him to get into the place. Arthur got in, anxious. 

The sight of her completely overrode his senses. He stood completely frozen trying to process, once again, what was happening. The mere action of this impious gaze was enough to make him turn his head. She bursted out laughing. And hearing she wasn't upset with his presence managed to look at her.  

Harleen was on the bathtub, laying on her back. Her damp hair covered her chest while the foam didnt allow to see more of her body. This didn't upset him, of course. This new glimpse of his lover was something he would never forget. 

Amused by his priceless expression, Harleen covered her face.

"Are you in need for another ride, Mr. Fleck?", She asked, temptingly. 

Arthur licked his lips as he closed the door behind him. 

"After that? Always". The steps towards her made Harleen change her position to lie on her side, to grant him a better sight. He sat on the floor, eyes concentrated maniacally in her figure. Her soft, wet hand touched his own, intertwining her fingers with his for a brief moment to kiss them. 

Arthur stared at her for long seconds. Harleen didn't seem uncomfortable despite how much he struggled to remain modest. She couldn't blame the poor guy. Her pose was way too sensual to be indifferent. The appreciation showed a silent invitation for more intimate contact, for more comfort and company. He could only see her precious lower curvature showing partially. Her left arm covered her chest while supporting herself on the edge of the bathtub with the other hand. He loved how much sensuality she oozed even when she did nothing.  

“Did you have a good sleep?”

Arthur replayed the question to process it.

“Yes” he simply nodded, “but it seems you didn’t. You weren’t there when I woke up”.

“I don’t sleep too much, Arthur. Just needed to take a bath to refresh myself after our hot, noisy turmoil”.

Arthur grinned widely. And it wasn’t only for the friendly reminder of why he felt excited. He darted his eyes towards the platinum strands of hair stuck on her face, falling down to stick to her shoulders and forearm, creating a sinuous curve that lined her hip with blue shades. After a few awkward seconds of silence, Harleen finally pronounced:

“So, since we’re in this situation… would you like to talk about what happened?”

“Yes”. Arthur was anxious to take advantage of any chance he’d had to end up in the bed with her. But he was too nervous to start a conversation about the subject. She noticed it and did her best to not put him in an uncomfortable position. Arthur just glared at her. 

“It feels so different when you don’t have to lay your hands on yourself”, he cleaned the sweat that formed in his forehead, “it’s different to have a… um”, doing his best to retain the stammer that prevented a fluid talk, he tried to look for the right words to describe what happened in his head. 

“A…?” 

“It’s different when you see it than to experience it. It feels better when you have a body next to you”, he gulped, trying to swallow the nervousness, “it was a long little yearn since I began to understand these things about…”

“About sex?”

“Yes” was his answer, “I’m sorry if I sound strange. But this conversation is too personal and… and all this is new for me. I never thought I would be with a woman like that and it turns out it’s better than I expected”.

Harleen tilted her head, paying attention to every single word. 

“Is there something you liked in particular?”

Arthur lowered his head, trying to think and replay the scene. From the passionate, tenderly patient foreplay to the scandalous and thirsty ride. There were so many good moments to pick one in particular. But then, her voice broke his thoughtful immersion. 

“Or maybe was there something you did not like?” 

This drew a devilish, naughty grin in Arthur. 

"What's not to like about it?” his hand slicking back the fluffy hair, “We fucked like crazy and you ask me if there's something I did not like about it?", the verdant glow turned darker. Harleen rose an eyebrow, expectant. Arthur began to pant and cleared his throat in an almost hilarious way to hide his incipient arousal.

"I couldn't resist... I simply couldn't... because I've been wanting to do those things to you since I saw you--" a chuckle left his mouth at the raw confession. A painful slap on his mouth to quieten down the noise made Harleen immediately sat in case a fit of laughter would tear his throat apart again. Extending her hands to grab his forearms, the violent move shook her long, wet hair which allowed the loner to catch a glimpse of her naked chest. 

The fit, thank goodness, never came. Arthur just coughed, waving his hand so any sense of worry Harleen felt would dispel in time. As things settled down, Arthur continued the talk where it left off.

“This—this feels like a very good beginning. But—“ his words concluded but his expression reflected a profound thought he couldn’t put words on yet.

“It’s alright. You can tell me”. 

It took a long while to answer. There was almost completely silent if it wasn’t the for the tense breathing that Arthur fought to control. 

“You really enjoy doing this to me, do you?”, Arthur embed the green spell his eyes had cast on her.

Harleen’s expression went from amusement to actual surprise. There was more from him to tell her, however. She nodded almost imperceptibly to give him the confidence he needed. 

“You never felt uncomfortable with me even when you knew the things I wanted to do to you from the beginning. You let me kiss you, you let me touch you… you were never afraid to show me your body from the first day as you now do” he came closer to her, demanding answers, “until a while ago, I thought I could never awake those reactions on a woman. But I did”. He licked his lips, tilting his head to stare at her, “do you enjoy doing this to me?”

“By saying ’this’ you refer to… provocation?” 

“Yes”, Arthur’s tone of voice revealed his relief to finally know the word for the aforementioned action. 

Harleen hummed, thoughtful. 

“I did not intend to provoke you to torture you. I intended it just to get your attention. You left just before the best part in our first kiss and I’ve been craving you in that way as well since. I wanted you to touch me… yet our caresses did not go beyond a cuddle or a kiss, so I thought that leaving the door unlocked after I arrived from work, wearing a few pretty clothes would give you a hint to come to me so we could be together like that at last”.

Arthur was completely mute at this point. 

“But if you feel uncomfortable with me like this, I won’t keep on” she raised her hands in a childish sign of surrender. Arthur shook his head.

“It’s not the fact I don’t want to touch you. It’s… another thing. I know you won’t deny me your body. There are so many things…” he ruffled the disheveled hair in an involuntary move to relax. 

“What?”

Arthur sighed, finally finding the courage to voice what troubled him. 

“How’s that you don't feel uncomfortable with my condition or—“

“Or…?”

Arthur gulped. 

The hardest (and the most perverted) part would come to be verbalised. 

“My… appearance?”

“What the fuck is wrong with your appearance?”, Arthur sighed and replied:

“I look old enough to be your father!” the green eyes pierced hers. If only the thought of it was dirty, confessing it was downright indecent. Eyelids were tightened to the point it caused him pain, in a futile attempt to erase any improper thought in which Harleen was the protagonist. However, her voice exploded with loud cackles, splashing the water with open palms. Was she actually laughing at him? He frowned, getting upset and impatient to obtain a good answer.

“And…?” was all she said, much to his chagrin. The puzzled glare did not display satisfaction for his part. 

“Doesn’t that… disturb you?”

“In the slightest. It’s actually quite the opposite” she supported her chin on the edge of the bathtub, staring up to him while biting her lip playfully. Then in a false pretension of innocence, she giggled, her hand making a move to tell him to come closer to her. 

“That’s one of the many reasons why I like you very, very much”. The sweet sinful sound of the whisper was irresistible to Arthur, whose lids were almost completely closed, jaw slightly dropped. The reality of this situation caught him off guard. It was unbelievable to the point of obscenity and a persistent need to step back from his lewd intentions out of disgust on behalf of common modesty. 

“I like you, Arthur Fleck" her face came closer to his and in a manner so typical of her, took his hand to open it from the fist it had reduced to in order to grant it a provocative kiss on his fingers, sliding the bottom lip against them. 

Remaining silent and completely hypnotized by the scene, Harleen proceeded to trace invisible lines with the tip of her fingers on the early, harsh wrinkles that were more of a proof of how devastating his life was. It was a testament, a living, bleeding monument of how much cruelty and indifference could drive a man to insanity. Her thumb ran assiduously on his lip scar, which she found gorgeous to look upon. His breath shortened, pupils dilated, blood flowing to his groin. 

Her digits now went over those adorable dimples that only increased the odd beauty of his mirthless, worn out face. His eyes moved from one direction to another, trying to cope with this tender attention, closing them eventually, leaving the embarrassment aside. He smiled but her voice shattered the moment. 

“How can I judge you for a condition you did not wish to suffer?”, her fingertips ran over the notorious wrinkles in his forehead, “it’s not your fault”.

She admired the subtle silver hair that would make the brown hue fade in time, ending the journey all over his face. 

“You find me… attractive?”

“Well of course I fucking do”.

Again, the green menacing eyes had the effect on her. 

“What is it that I have that you like so much?” 

Murmuring against his lips, she replied:

“You’re oddly attractive” she held his face to reinforce their bond, “and yet you don’t know it” she kissed the lip scar, “of all the men I've been with, no one has looked at me in the way you do".

Arthur set all his focus on the praising words, which served to mend or to relieve a little the inhuman treatment he had received from the world as long as he remembered. There was nothing he could do, except process and replay the words every time a silence took place between them. Kindness seemed a far ghost, a laughable little dream, a cruel joke.

A pause allowed them to hear a few cars passing by, followed by sirens of an ambulance. It didn’t matter, since none of them mentioned it. 

"I've never met a man who's been so grateful for a kind greet or a simple smile. I couldn't help it that rainy day you came back from work to talk to you. At first I had an idea about my secret admirer simply being another guy who drooled over my ass. I would have never imagined the man behind my steps was so hungry for affection. Your eyes are an open book, Arthur. I noticed your intentions... and I liked the idea of you and me together like that from that night”.

Arthur directed his hands to her lips, holding the ever persistent, painful question that scarred his psyche:

Was she real?

His hands touched down her jawline and neck. Just a stare and Arthur told her everything. Because, somehow he knew that it was through an intense stare that lovers could tell the most intimate things. He spoke through his body, through dance. But what about sex? What about the act that dazed him so much? She actually understood why he needed intimate contact with such urge. The repression he hated so ardently for being a cruel insult to his ego tasted so differently now that she sated the thirst just to leave him craving for more. He felt… like all the years with no female attention were worth it if the pleasure people would lose their heads about was true. 

"I want to make you feel good. It’s what you deserve. And if no one gives you relief, then I’ll gladly do”, she put a curly lock behind his ear. 

But before any sparkly iniciative took ahold of his voice to manifest the need to consummate their relationship for a second time, Harleen pronounced, as a pleasant surprise for his intentions:

"Because you know” her gaze was pure, burning lust, “I could use a good fuck right now". Her tone of voice was seductive, though secretive, like confessing a small misdemeanor. His hand was not free from her soft grasp and her teeth gifted it with a tiny nibble. Arthur’s body stiffened, processing the words. However, no reply emerged from his mouth. The attention was entirely drawn to her face. The suggestive smile betrayed her reciprocity related to his intentions. He was so lost with the tantalising promise of more affection that he missed out the loving, yet flirtatious offer Harleen uttered. 

"Huh?" Arthur shook his head. 

"Come on, I'm bored". Her mouth adopted a puerile pouting in an attempt to persuade him, "I'm bored, play with me". 

Harleen crawled out from the bathtub, exposing her bare, wet body for the loner to see. Arthur's breath immediately cut off, his heart galloping wildly. Her milky, marmoreal skin glistened with drops of water which marked thin creeks all her body before the enraptured glance of the loner. This was an erotic image that Arthur could have only dreamt of. 

Once again his hands served as the eccentric – and intrusive – instrument to trace the almost invisible, indiscernible line between fantasy and reality while the blonde was only entertained by his obvious, euphoric goodwill to comply her wish. She sat next to him. 

"P-play... with you?" He repeated, battling the urge to faint, holding her body in his arms. 

"Like you did on the couch with me", her hands held his face gently to kiss it, to then throw her arms to his shoulders, “touch me, Arthur. Touch me. Don’t be afraid”. The mentioned man was unable to pronounce anything, reducing his exploration by touching blindly her waist and back. She continued pressing her nude body, taking delight on watching her Arthur plunged her into a solid, vigorous embrace, absorbing her, holding her nape so hard to not allow her escape, focused on how good her wet hair felt against his chest… as if her bare bossom wasn’t the best part of it. 

Harleen slid her fingers over his left shoulder, becoming more familiar with the protruding bone. She placed her hand in the same place where Arthur told her not to. This caused an immediate response from him. As Harleen noticed the horrible, vast bruise all over the right shoulder blade. A gutural groan warned her. She quickly apologized. But Arthur shook his head.

“It’s nothing. People are not precisely kind when they see me at work”.

The dark brown eyebrows arched in a sad expression. Her left arm assured a stable position for what she had in store for him. Arthur had no idea of what it was, but he knew it would be mind-blowing. 

“I can make you feel good”, he leaned his head in her forehead. Despite his celibacy was no more, all these touches were still new for him and he wanted to treasure them as much as he could. Air was heavy. The fear of another laughing fit ruining the moment clouded his mind but Harleen didn't seem to notice. The devoted, passionate embrace that held them so close just fed the fire inside him to take things to another level. 

Specially when her hand, teasing and avid, slipped above the pants where his manhood had responded to the visual, constant incentive. Fumbling the part to gradually pull down the pants in an enthralling motion that rendered the loner totally speechless. Once the cloth allowed his member to be graced by her hand. 

He gasped, jolting at the sensation of the damp but warm hand around his length. It was so unbelievable that just yesterday, that part had met his own contact during years. The rapture again battled with the persistent and its idea that everything was his imagination. Negative thoughts misting the moment. No kind touches except from Penny. But even she seemed aloof, unaware on how much damaged her own son was. This fade away once the caresses grew steadier. 

The rhythm of his breathing violently shook his chest up and down. He undid the hug partially to stare at the zone she paid so much attention to. His fully erect hardness receiving such caring treatment was taken straight out of a fantasy. His eyes couldn’stop glaring at the precious sight of the delicate hand going up and down in a maddening sway. He threw his head back, panting. 

“Like that--just like that- please. Don’t stop it”, he whispered, holding to the border of the tub, his voice broke out in agonizing moans, varying from groans and hoarse screaming, mixed with very sharp swearing as the building up to the peak made presence as minutes went by. His legs trembled almost uncontrollably, hips thrusting up constantly. 

Harleen of course was greedy. Taking advantage of the situation, her mouth sucked the prominence located at his neck to then lick it. Her sensual chuckle vibrated as she slid down the free hand on his convulsed chest, tenderly pressing it to calm down the crazed heartbeat. It didn’t take too long for him to start feeling a vertiginous shiver that expanded all over his groin. Sensing the situation was started to get out of his hands, the blonde rushed in: 

“Don’t hold back. Do it”. 

Arthur gasped as the climax hit him. He groaned into the air as the fierce hustle concluded. He was shaking, trying to not make a mess. The niveous strings spread all over the floor. Harleen glanced the scene, amazed to see Arthur a little less stressed. He lolled his head back, still pursuing the first intense feeling standing motionless, arms to his side, almost in a trance. Nothing could take the wide smile off him.  

A soft massage to his collarbone made the aforementioned man react at last. 

“My, my. You’re such a bombshell” Arthur muttered, blatantly ogling her. She smiled, smooching his cheek to quickly get up, much to his surprise. Harleen took a towel to wipe her hands and her body, leading her steps out of the  bathroom. The loner was about to protest when she asked:

"Are you waiting for an invitation, Mr. Fleck? Or isn't the sight enough to motivate you to come to bed with me?" 

The fascination held him still for a second, thinking the words that echoed in his mind repeatedly while enjoying the blonde's shameless exhibitionism. He turned the lights off as he searched for her. The outside lights prevented a complete darkness in the apartment. The drizzle hit the windows, creating a perfect, almost dreamlike atmosphere. 

He had to see her to confirm his yearn could become real. And so, he found her stepping into the promised place, while the towel dried the mane, which seemed longer now, almost reaching the highest part of her thighs. Arthur got rid of his pants immediately. 

Just about to reach the other foot to the room, Arthur extended his hand to reach her shoulder so she could turn to face him. Harleen was unable to suppress a surprised expression at the glimpse of his now completely naked body, causing to drop the towel. 

Once she called his name, Arthur  took her face between his hands to crash his lips on hers, pressing them into his several times to crown the passionate caress leading her in to the bedroom, their bodies entangled, anguished in a needy dance. They almost tripped over but the weak white light coming from a small lamp on the nightstand prevented it. He didn't pay too much attention to the surroundings once his body fell over hers on the bed. It were only them in this moment, and being on top of her unleashed a feverish want his psyche and body were not capable to contain anymore. 

"You've chosen wisely, Mr. Fle--" his tongue was so insisting on earning a place inside her mouth that her words didn't come. Not that it bothered her, of course. Arthur’s eyes shone in a different light. It wasn’t just an exciting new hue. His fluffy dark hair, his lean muscles made a combination that made Harleen genuinely think that the man who was just a breath away to possess her wasn’t Arthur. His eyes had become greener. His stare was not only predacious. It gave the impression that he intended to enter not only her body but her soul too. 

Harleen extended her hand towards the lamp to sink the room in darkness. She was close to success in her action if it wasn’t for Arthur mimicking it, just to ask her not to. 

“It’s more exciting in the dark.”

“Why?”

“Because you only feel. You see nothing”.

Arthur whispered against her mouth:

“But I want to see you”.

Harleen rolled her eyes, laughing. 

“Alright then” she chirped. Arthur covered her neck with doubtful kisses, afraid to make a wrong move. He then remembered: 

(Like in the couch).

He stopped his course to descend to her chest. Harleen paid extreme attention to his reactions, which drifted from amazement to utter joy. 

The man stood quietly, admiring the messy mane at her sides. A pink, bluish disaster covering her chest. The dark sense of dominance proper of a man who finally felt control over his life acquired a lighter shade as he distanced himself from her just enough to appreciate her astonishing beauty. Carefully, he slid a hand to dedicate his attention to the blue strands of hair, curling it around his finger, as he fantasized about for so long.

Harleen did not interrupt at all. This eccentric – but precious - way of communication was also new for her. What started as a simple invitation for a sexual encounter was progressively turning into a passionate discovery about each other. She knew Arthur wasn’t the most experienced man when it came to sex… but his enthusiasm was in no way to be questioned. Actions spoke louder than words. 

The pink strands of hair winded around his fingers, uncoiling as his digits made it aside to have a good vision of her uncovered breasts. So focused he was that he did not come to realize Harleen moved her arms to allow him a better access. She looked at those arms. God, those arms. Veiny, hairy, bony. Inhabited by little spots near the elbow. It drew a sharp contrast with the softness of her skin. Soon, she would pay attention to them. 

His facial expressions were a wonderful mixture of arousing disbelief and sincere admiration. Arthur seemed to be thoughtful for a few seconds on what he was going to do but he dared to slide his fingers over her collarbone, not leaving any inch of skin untouched. Then, he lowered to the sternum, circling it carefully to direct his ravenous digits to her left breast, studying the orbed part cautiously, examining its shape. The dedicated, paused fondling of it elicited a soft moan from her.

An evil, perverse grimace delineated his lips. Ah, that beautiful, sensual sound resounding again. How could he resist it? 

It was with a predatory inflame that Arthur threw himself to pamper the zone with his mouth. The sudden outburst made Harleen grunt for air, grabbing the bedsheets, a violent spasm shaking her legs, making her toes curl. The voracious appetite he devoured the breast was combined with such despair that seemed the act was far from satisfying. Despite she was aware of Arthur's consistent (and certainly disturbing) fixation with female chests, she preferred to stay quiet about it and enjoy the use he gave to such compulsion. He did not restrict it to a simple suckling, as Harleen saw how he nuzzled his face against it to then cover the damp, shiny skin with kisses, sending shivers down her spine. 

“Oh, Mr. Fleck… You do know how to put your mouth in use, do you?”, she felt high. As if she had taken a drug. 

The flattering words enlivened him to concede the other breast the same treatment and Harleen couldn't stop flailing, now completely taken by the action. The unoccupied hand fondled her belly to pass over the hip to end in her thigh. When his mouth detached from the hardened nipple, he licked all the way up her chest and neck, savouring the salty taste of her sweat, causing Harleen to ragingly rear up. Arthur ascended to face her once more just for her to grasp the strongly angular wrist once his arms found themselves near her waist. He frowned, confused. But his apparent disapproving look contorted to a one of complete flabbergast when Harleen opened her mouth so her tongue would coax his index and middle fingers, oiling them to steer the hand towards her searing feminity. His eyes widened, like a small kid watching in awe a mischievous deed. The absolute lewd look in her eyes erased any logic sense on him, if there was any in first place.

“Sure you want to warm up things first before diving in, do you mr. Fleck?” she spread her legs and Arthur lowered his head, dealing with the joy that overflowed his being. 

“Yeah”, his murmur was impatient and euphoric, “I can’t wait to…” he couldn’t say it. 

“Come on. Don’t be shy” she chuckled, frisky, “say it”. 

“I just can’t wait to do it inside you”. She gladly approved as their hands went on tune on her intimacy. Arthur was startled, “but I don’t… I have never done this to a woman”.

Harleen nodded eagerly. 

“Then allow me to show you how”, a toothy, naughty grin was all he got as a reply. He ended up emulating her. The grin was substituted to a temptative whisper: 

"There... There". The first touches to become familiar and then to please them. This new action left Arthur completely speechless. A mess of joined hands constantly massaged the silky, wet little space of hers. It didn't had an effect on Harleen only, making the rigid consistency return.

He smirked, evilly, as they took their time. Despite his restiveness, he knew patience would pay off. The caress went over the slick folds which soon would welcome him, kneading it constantly. His slender fingers then began to approach by own initiative, applying what he just had learned. Seconds later, with the same patience, Harleen made him stop precisely at the weakest point of a woman. He sensed a humid nub. As their hands began rubbing it, Arthur noticed it made her body jounce, a chain of gratifying sounds fleeing her throat. He was not able to stop staring at the body part receiving the sweet and lecherous attention, putting more effort into it. Gradually her hand got away to let him take the iniciative now, encircling it. 

The uncontrollable tremble that shook her legs made her close her eyes. Arthur stood there, his hand still stimulating her sex as intensely as posible, spellbound, captivated by her reactions. He leaned a bit when her breaths stirred her chest for more air. The blonde panted, trying to look for something to cling to as she was coming to her peak.  

“Arthur… I can't—I can’t endure it anym—“ The phrase marked the last thing she could control before the fulminant end. Mellifluous moans came from her mouth, praising him, calling his name repeatedly. He was certainly bewitched at the image. So lost in the ecstasy that only the amatory practice could bring her, Harleen missed the fact Arthur did not blink in any moment, recording obsessively every move.

“Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about” his chuckle causing her insides quiver. He loved how her muscles twitched on his hand, priding himself on the magnificent reaction he had caused on her.  

Arthur patiently awaited for her to regain her breath before the best part would take place. He placed his hands at her sides to remain firm, his muscles tense and strong as a rock, marking the defined biceps Harleen loved so much. She opened her eyes just in the right moment when the hungry loner expected to end the hunger that harmed their souls so much. 

Harleen caressed his cheeks with the backs of her hands. Arthur leaned so their foreheads would touch. It was a torture for him as well. He placed a hand on her hip, sliding it down to the inner thigh, aligning his stiffened arousal in her entrance, brushing the sensitive nub with his tip. The tease took her breath away, making her spine twist. 

"Oh, God… please… please…", her vision blurred, her senses numb. 

"I know"

"Please!" She begged, "I need you inside of me, please". The hopelessness in her voice did not manage to act immediately but it certainly had a great impact on him. The fear of not being capable of carrying the dominance now sparked a furious, impetuous need to silence the voices that insisted he wasn’t man enough to please a woman. 

Through a furious, vehement move, Arthur finally made his way inside her, a sharp hiss and a vivid expression of sexual bliss seizing his facial features. He abruptly shut his eyes at the tight inner grip, lips slightly parted, hearing Harleen let out a long, languishing moan. She arched her back, squirming beneath him. Arthur smiled, extremely pleased at the erotic reaction while still trying to find a more comfortable angle to keep doing his part. He wanted more, however, and he was gonna manifest it by holding her chin in his thumb and index finger. Harleen opened her eyes while Arthur awaited her reaction as she received him fully. Taking a deep breath, he managed to open his eyes to cherish the fantastic view of her trying to handle his hard length making a place inside the best way she could. She held his head, carefully tugging his curls.

Invader and invaded stared at each other. 

"Take your time... We're not in a rush". The calm words soothed the anxiety prior to sex but the pleasure the act had to offer them rushed him to resume their act: Arthur deepened the insertion into her hot, velvety intimacy. Harleen gasped while becoming used to his presence inside of her, taking utter delight in the raw feeling of her warm walls adjusting to the intrusion, sensing every nerve shuddering and throbbing around him. Her mouth was open, yet no words were articulated. Maybe because they weren’t necessary. 

As for the loner, his vocal expressions of pleasure went from a heavy gasp, then to a loud groan to a thunderous moan. 

"Fuck---!" Arthur cried out, while struggling to form a coherent word but he was way too aroused to dedicate energy to other action, except for moaning against each other's mouth, never breaking eye contact. 

The first few seconds following their fleshes fully merging into one, Arthur experimented with paused and insecure moves, afraid to hurt her if he ever accelerated the pace but also afraid to ridicule himself if he’d last less than one minute. His slow thrusts allowed a better way to cope with the overwhelming, tight heat that kept their privacies tied together. He caught an steady rhythm that finally eased down. Sliding in and out, down and forward. Just two individuals who tried to bond despite their differences. 

“Y—You”, Harleen suddenly pronounced herself. Arthur huffed for air as he paid attention, “you feel… you feel so good inside me”.

“I can--, I can tell”, he could hardly articulate. 

Pressing his body against hers, Harleen whispered:

“We really lost a lot of time, did we?” 

She let her hands, avidly and blindly, over his chest and collarbone as his hips, by mere sexual instinct, insisted on a faster, harder pace. To increase his confidence and to let him know she enjoyed it, her legs pressed his hips. For a moment, Arthur stopped, taking the opportunity to regain all the air in heavy pants. Harleen held his face, making aside the curly, sweaty locks that formed over his face. His aroused but exhausted expression was a delight to see. 

“I swear to God—“ his ragged breath made his voice sound raspy, “if you keep doing that—“ another difficult exhaling move, “I won’t last too long”.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to”.

"I'm not upset" his shortened breath intake aroused her just as much his insertion did.   

The rain intensified. Drops clashed against the window. It proved to be a pleasant background sound as the two lovers expressed their feelings through their bodies. Arthur certainly had the time of his entire fucking life engulfing himself in her over and over and over again. The rhythm worked perfectly slow for the two of them as they slid together, in perfect harmony, over the bed. The pace that carried them away from sanity was combined with passionate, wet kisses, sometimes tugging on his bottom lip and tangling her tongue in his mouth, kissing him behind the earlobe, whispering sensual words.

Arthur had the perfect gift to reaffirm his existence and Harleen’s whispery voice calling his name just ended up pushing him deeper and deeper. Where did he suddenly become so strong to hold on for so long? He’d never know. 

Between moans and kisses, Harleen returned the passionate gestures with a strong, bloody scratch in his ribs. Arthur broke the kiss with a loud, pleased groan, responding to the scratch with a harsh thrust. Harleen screamed beneath him. Arthur, lightheaded by the sexually charged response, just stood still, trying to not give in to the already close peak of the act. 

Harleen was ready to make clear how much the sudden irruption had upset her when she heard an unintelligible mumble. 

"Uhh. What?" Harleen could hardly heard his petition. 

"Do that again", he whispered. The frown on her eyebrows revealed how much puzzled she was. 

"Do wha--?”

The harsh thrust took her by surprise, as expressed by the intoxicating sound that made Arthur so infatuated. As he delighted in the joy of obtaining exactly what he wanted, Harleen heard a a sweet, malevolent whisper: 

"That’s better...". It ghosted his lips, more to himself. He supported entirely on his arms, to keep on the rough onslaught. Those screams were music to his ears and he had plenty of reasons on why he deserved to hear more of them when he believed she had something else to say. 

The blonde mouthed. And Arthur read her lips. 

(Harder)

Harleen placed her hands at the sides of her head, abandoning herself to Arthur‘s mercy. She wanted it? She would get it. Another plea gone with the air, an arm on the matress reinforcing the pace to make it rougher and rougher. She felt she was unable to speak his name anymore, not knowing what aroused her the most: if having him inside her or hearing his assiduous effort to breathe through the final and most exciting part of their act. 

Exhaling aggressively, Arthur hung on to the mattress to harden the already brutal slamming that had reduced Harleen to an incoherent mess. His jaw dropped as the pleasure was becoming unbearable, growling as he leaned his head to keep closer to her. His arm was a key to maintain the disastrous rhythm as unrestrained but steady, grasping the wood which mattress was made of. The limb showed hard lines, ligaments standing out of the skin.

She legitimately thought, in a short moment of lucidity, that his arm would end up breaking it down. Neither of them heard a furious knocking on the wall, asking them to quiet down their sounds. Even if they did, they wouldn't care. Harleen sensed he'd love the idea of the whole building hearing their  scandal. 

When the excessive sensitivity down there traced a faint line between pain and pleasure, her moans echoed louder and louder, pushing Arthur to his limit. 

“Look at me”

It was hard to keep eyes open at this point. Harleen did her best but Arthur mistook it as another little game of hers.

“Look at me”, he hissed.

She inhaled deeply, turning her head towards him.

“Look at me!” he yelled, desperate.

She quickly did as he demanded.  

“Look at me when it happens”, he was not angry, despite the fierce, crazed stare suggested otherwise. 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” he hissed under his breath, trying to keep up with the rampant search for release despite how much exhausting it proved to him. He wasn’t willing to be defeated: his hands fell to her sides to pound faster and more erratically, almost tearing the bedsheets. Harleen was unable to speak now, restricting to whimpers that granted him an inconmensurable feeling of power. 

Then it happened. It caught him sooner than he initially had intended, but that didn't make it any less delightful. The blonde screamed his name at the top of her lungs as the spectacular orgasm hit her. 

That was too much for him to bear. 

One more enthusiastic, desperate thrust and it was over. Harleen had no control over her reaction, imprisoning him completely with her legs and arms crossed over his body. A hot attempt to retain her lover, clenching as hard as she could possibly do. They shared a fleeting gaze as he spilled himself in a wave of nervous, uncontrollable convulsions that spurred his nerves. She would never forget the expression that moulded by the moment: his face was an authentic, vivid expression of ecstasy. His eyes closed, catching air, sweating profusely, rebellious locks falling down. The desperation in his voice diminished to a pleasured groan to a exhausted, but satisfied series of sighs. He finally collapsed on top of her, hiding their faces in each other's neck. 

“Easy…” she muttered while Arthur bathed in his newfound masculinity. She knew the magnitude of his enrapture when he displayed no reaction at all when she caressed his hair. 

Arthur was enjoying his blissful release inside her, memorising every little sensation. The soft sighs escaping his mouth made her believe he had finally lost the little touch he had left with reality. 

He still wanted more, though. Arthur refused to break the physical bond, not getting over the warmth narrowing around him, looking for more thrills, seed still dripping. 

“You’re hard to quit” Arthur hissed, breathless. 

“I'm not asking you to ”, and both laughed. 

Harleen untangled a few curls, enjoying how they recoiled to their original form, emptiness replacing the fullness of his presence once he was gone. Laying on their sides to face each other, now under the blankets. The water falling in the sky helped them to concile slumber. 

"I'll be hardly out of you after this, Harleen" was the last thing she heard before lights were off. 

________________________________________

It was cold. It was wednesday and the train was full. Arthur had gone early to his weekly therapy with the social worker. Once he reached the building, waiting in the hallway. He smoked a cigarette, journal on the inner part of his hoodie, a confident smirk lining his lips. 

The grimace did not change at all when he got into the office, greeting her and taking a seat. It started with the usual 'how's your job?', 'are you having negative thoughts?'. Arthur replied more confidently, without avoiding eye contact as he always did. The worker noted immediately a dark, evil glint in his eyes. He couldn't stop smiling just as he couldn't see how much his new attitude unsettled her. She decided to ask for his journal, asking if there was something wrong or different. Arthur just took another long drag of his cigarette, smiling to himself. 

Once the copybook was handed to her, the worker noticed a brief, new sentence along a photograph of a beautiful young woman whose platinum hair showed different colours from the half down. She was dressed in a short red dress and smiled. 

She read outloud the phrase written in red. Arthur had to suppress a cackle to not get too much attention from her. He deducted by her expression she did not understand it but he did not expect her to. 

“I’m prod of mysel”.

[hazelspacecadet]

She Ra - a full analysis

WARNING - THIS ANALYSIS CONTAINS MAAAAAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF SHE RA!! 

“You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other”

She Ra is a show about two people torn apart. It’s important to recognise that this multifaceted masterpiece centres entirely on the Catradora dynamic; Noelle herself has expressed that the show was always about those two, and in a broader sense much of the wider world in the She Ra universe can be seen as a complex manifestation of Adora and Catra’s ever changing bond. Adora is not a hero in the traditional sense, as everything about her character is designed to subvert and deconstruct expectations of the hero’s journey. She is a powerful, strong and determined fighter with healing powers, a morally stubborn and highly empathetic person raised in a genocidal regime, and she runs away from the only home and only exponent of love she has ever known because her internal moral compass is just so intense it overrides the truest bond she will ever feel, at least until external factors allow for reconciliation. 

But what defines, at a thematic level, the human interactions in She Ra is a cycle of abuse that begins with oppressive control - Horde Prime. He punishes the imperfections in Hordak to the extent that Hordak feels compelled to lash out, to prove himself powerful by any means. Horde Prime is an interesting villain because his rhetoric centres not around darkness, but light and purity. This is not only a more subversive type of manipulative language than is often seen by cartoon villains, but it clearly establishes Horde Prime as being a fundamental representation of abuse and its tendency to beat away at character traits deemed weak, anomalous, or more importantly unable to be controlled. Horde Prime needs control; he needs subservience and pure, untouched power, which is why he forms his empire around a hive mind. Hordak of course breaks the hive mind itself, but abuse is a parasitic thing, and controls Hordak’s deplorable actions on Etheria right from his first introduction, talking directly to Catra. But the cycle does not stop at Hordak; his monstrous coping methods cause subtler damage by affecting Shadow Weaver. She is an interesting character because unlike Hordak, she was shown to have independent agency in her harmful actions before finding her way to the Horde, but it is clear that the intense sensation of being cast out, before the Horde rescued her only to thrust her into a cycle of rage and exploitation, leads to the final stage of this particular cycle: Adora, and more importantly Catra.

The show makes it abundantly clear that Catra gets the short straw in interactions with Shadow Weaver; and not only that, but it is shown that Catra’s narrative of Adora being a neglectful, selfish pretend-hero is one instilled not by Adora, but Shadow Weaver and her often-times violent favouritism. Adora isn’t selfish or neglectful - her strong moral compass certainly isn’t perfect, and letting go of complete undirected empathy is something she learns in the conversation with Mara in season 5 (“you are worth more than what you can give to other people”) - but those traits are at odds to how Adora is presented, and in particular how her relationship with Catra is presented. Shadow Weaver neglects Catra, and does it to such an extent that Catra is forced into a mindset of breaking her bond with Adora over an injustice that was never her friend’s fault. Shadow Weaver’s manipulation is so powerful, it makes Catra believe that Adora’s protection, her deep-seated love, is malignant. That is abuse: it turns love into hate and protection into violence. 

In this cycle, this systematic abuse from Prime to Hordak to Shadow Weaver to Catra, there are two anomalies. They have to be anomalous, uncontrollable, natural, because this cycle begins with oppressive control, and therefore only two variables can violate that base injustice - love, and imperfection. From a meta-narrative sense, She Ra is a unique beast because characters do not simply have flaws for the sake of flaws, but those flaws are the direct reason for the eventual collapse of the show’s main antagonism. What breaks Prime is a kiss, and a mad scientist. The kiss is Adora and Catra displaying a desire for closeness that represents years of struggle against systematic abuse, abuse that has deliberately forced love to become hate, and that only when the cycle reaches its peak and the initial abuser makes a final bid for absolute control, can the true reconciliation begin. The mad scientist is of course Entrapta, whose powerful adoration of imperfection ultimately destroys Prime, or at least his preferred vessel. Abuse of the kind shown in She Ra cannot exist when people find beauty and joy in the things it seeks to eliminate, and Entrapta is exactly the anomaly needed to help break the cycle. Returning to the core of those two lovers, Catra finds her want for Adora, and it is reciprocated because the underlying love was always there, but the intent, the desire for closeness only became apparent when years of unnecessary hurt had been recognised and their true cause exposed: not each other, but the cycle.

Of course, abuse in the She Ra universe is only actively broken by one thing: love. I touched on this theme earlier when discussing abuse as the two are somewhat intertwined but love, in platonic and romantic forms, is so crucial to the functioning of She Ra’s characters and their motivations. Catra and Adora have always loved each other (they only express this at the climax because they must fight through abuse to find a shared desire), and this love is shown right from both the start of the show, and the first time we see them interact chronologically - in Promise. What’s interesting is we never know how they meet, or what they say to each other first, but instead the earliest canonical Catradora interaction is the promise itself: a dedication so strong it defines Catra’s actions years later on an alien ship as she saves a person she does not even claim to like. The show puts Catra and Adora’s love first, as that is the establishment of their truly meaningful connection, with other flashbacks and all of season 5 expanding upon that bond. We know that love breaks abuse because Horde Prime is abuse and he is defeated by a kiss, but what does that imply? 

The kiss, and therefore the confirmation of She Ra’s central love, carries with it a moral lesson, a message, that hurt and abuse can be overcome through the mutual reconciliation that comes with unconditional love. In the show, all kinds of love shown to be beneficial and non-toxic are unconditional: Catra can only want Adora when she accepts that Adora will always be morally upstanding and stubbornly empathetic, and Adora can only want Catra when she accepts that Catra defaults to self-hatred and pushing away, and only when both of these conditions are made meaningless by the force of attraction and belonging known as love, can the kiss be shown and the abuse broken. 

Love is not just shown between that central relationship, but throughout She Ra and its characters. Glimmer is a flawed and sometimes maligned character, but her importance to the show and its progression cannot be overstated, especially in season 5. On the ship in episodes 1 and 2, Catra needed something to hold onto. Torn from her home, powerless and very clearly unable to manipulate and fight Horde Prime like she could with Hordak, Catra’s only option became Glimmer. Their bond forms quickly and shakily, but what is so crucial about their interactions is that in order to reconcile with Adora, Catra needed to see someone like Glimmer, who had both made huge mistakes and at one point believed her own mistakes to be the right decision, completely and unconditionally forgive Adora and desire to be home with her. They share love for Adora, different kinds of love, but a strong connection and belonging that in the case of the open and empathetic Glimmer is very obvious. It’s also no accident that later on, during interactions in the expanded Best Friend Squad, Catra takes several social cues from Glimmer first, with Adora a trusted support. Catra is always going to care about Adora more than anything, but it takes the model example of Glimmer to show her how. 

But Adora is not just the subject of Catra’s attractions. As the main character, the dual figure around which the show is built both emotionally and plot-wise, she has a striking amount of agency, but also experiences a corruption of her truest desires at the hands of abuse. The abuse of Adora is subversive and difficult to spot, but it all comes down the pedestal that Shadow Weaver built for her, as well as her own innate morals and how those two factors, in Adora’s mind, prevented her from loving and caring for Catra in the right way. Throughout the show, Adora treats her own need to help others and her desire to be with the people she loves as mutually exclusive; even when Bow and Glimmer remind her that she is not alone, Adora has a penchant for going it alone, believing herself to be this chosen hero who must rescue the people of Etheria without reconciling with herself and her closest friends. In fact, the part of Adora that pushes people away in the name of heroism is not actually her, but instead the cycle of abuse exploiting her moral compass to fulfill corrupt desires that are not and never could be her own. Even the purported good guys do it, the First Ones making Adora believe that her path, her destiny, is to be a weapon. She fights this at the climax of season 4, but never comes to terms with it mentally until the conversation with Mara. And after it has all become hopeless, lost and Etheria is destined to burn away, Catra flips the script. Adora’s truest desire was Catra, but the abuse was too ingrained, the hurt too deep, for these desires to become reality, to be found within themselves. Only when Adora knows her blind heroism has lost, and therefore all to be lost, can Catra, whose arc has now culminated, save the universe. They both found not only their own destiny, but learnt to accept the intertwining of their lives as something that can be a force for good, a force for love. 

So to conclude, She Ra is not just about being torn apart, but in the end is about two girls fighting abuse as they learn to love each other, and eventually watching the patterns of abuse fade away as they express pure, unconditional love through a kiss that changes everything. 

“Don’t you get it? I love you. I always have.”

[rachelanne2018writes]

Slowly Falling Down- By Dawn’s Early Light

Summary:  “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

Sister Julienne couldn’t manage any further words to comfort Shelagh beyond that point. She couldn’t bear the thought that Shelagh might potentially be on a journey to the heavenly host whom she had devotedly served for nearly a decade, although she realized that it was selfish.

As Sister Julienne began to accept that Shelagh may no longer walk on the earth by her side, Shelagh was very slowly coming back to consciousness. As Doctor Evans, she would later learn his name, left the room, Shelagh could feel herself beginning to come back into the present. With each line of Psalm 91 that Sister Julienne recited by her bed, Shelagh’s understanding and grip of the conscious world grew more robust. The words of Psalm 91, an integral part of compline and a verse that had shepherded her through several small uncertainties, took on a new meaning when she realized that Sister Julienne was weeping as she spoke them.  

Although Shelagh wanted to speak, she didn’t have the strength to form words. “How long have I been asleep” she wondered in her head before drifting out of consciousness once again.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Shelagh heard Sister Julienne whisper after a short while.

John 14:27- a verse early in her marriage supported Shelagh through her exploratory procedure and Patrick’s exhaustion. Suddenly, the strength to respond welled up within Shelagh.

“Sister?” Shelagh whispered as she opened her eyes. “My dear Shelagh,” Sister Julienne whispered as tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Sister,” Shelagh managed before she slipped back into a slumber. Although she wanted to stay awake and know everything from the past several days, Shelagh couldn’t fight the need to sleep any longer.

Slowly, the evening faded into night, and Doctor Evans returned to check Shelagh once again. Upon his entrance to the room, Sister Julienne felt unfounded anxiety about what he might say when she told him that Shelagh had woken for a few precious moments, but had quickly fallen asleep.

“Hello, Sister,” Doctor Evans greeted as he entered the room. “Greetings Doctor Evans,” Sister Julienne returned. “I’m just going to conduct my checks now. Have you noticed any changes in Mrs. Turner’s condition?” Sister Julienne hesitated for a brief moment, anxious, before quietly responding, “She woke for a few fleeting moments, but fell back to sleep.” “ I see, Sister. Did she say anything?” “Yes, only a few words, but she did speak.” “I’d say that’s all we’ll see for a while. Based on what I see tonight, I would wager that it will be a week or so before Mrs.Turner truly wakes up. It isn’t uncommon for this type of thing to happen.”* “I see Doctor, Thank you.” “I’ll take my leave now, Sister. Goodnight.” ‘Goodnight, Doctor.”

Sister Julienne’s heart shattered; she knew that Shelagh was close to coming back to them. Quietly, the tears flowed down her face as she prayed that Shelagh would prove Doctor Evans wrong.

“Dear Lord, I pray that you leave your piece with Shelagh. Let her feel your healing hands as she fights against this medication that has made her so ill. By your hands Lord, may your will be done, may she be healed. Lord, I pray that you present yourself into Doctor Evans’s life, and provide your will to guide his hands as he cares for Shelagh. May your will be carried out as commanded on earth as it is in heaven. In your name, I pray for Shelagh, Doctor Evans, and Patrick Turner. Amen.”

The room then fell into silence as a broken-hearted Sister Julienne continued in silent prayer. Although part of her religious obligations, prayer had a soothing effect on Sister Julienne. Something about acknowledging the elements of life and the emotions that accompanied those elements. It was as if the words that filled her head formed a song, unique in pattern as a fingerprint or strand of DNA, that lifted her heart towards the heavens. It wasn’t long after she started that a small whimper, and then a voice broke Sister Julienne’s prayers.

“Sister?” Shelagh whimpered, “Sister, are you there?” “Yes, my dear Shelagh,” Sister Julienne soothed as she began to caress Shelagh’s hand, “I’m here; I will not leave your side.” “Sister? Will you hold me? I-I feel so lost, and as though I’m the only person here.”

Patrick Turner found the two clinging to each other the next morning. It broke his heart to see how tightly his wife clung to her beloved Sister Julienne, and although Patrick’s heart hurt that he couldn’t help Shelagh, he knew deep down that the right thing to do was give her the people she needed when she needed them. As Patrick sat down in the chair next to Shelagh’s bed, he noticed that Sister Julienne was beginning to stir, before finally waking up.

“Good morning, Doctor Turner.” Sister Julienne spoke groggily. “Morning, Sister, how is she?” Patrick queried

Sister Julienne wasn’t entirely sure how to answer his question. Although Shelagh had woken up, she hadn’t spoken much, and Sister Julienne wasn’t quite sure what to make of what little Shelagh did say the night prior.

“I’m not quite sure, Doctor Turner.” “Oh?” “Shelagh barely spoke last night when she did wake up, and what little she did speak was more of a plea for help.” “Oh, dear, Oh, Sister.”

The room once again plunged into silence, as Sister Julienne’s stomach rolled with the thought of telling Doctor Turner, how little faith his locum was putting into Shelagh’s strength and ability to heal and overcome.

“Doctor Turner?” Sister Julienne spoke after a while. “Yes, Sister?” he responded tentatively. “Doctor Evans came while you were out.” “What did he say? Will she make a full recovery?” “Doctor Evans believes it will be several weeks before she wakes up. Even after I told him that Shelagh woke for a few moments.” Patrick Turner was speechless, speechless, and upset with the one person that he trusted to care for his wife other than himself and Sister Julienne. He couldn’t take it anymore; he couldn’t leave Shelagh alone with only Sister Julienne only to be treated so poorly by the person who was supposed to be healing her. Was it time to take Shelagh to The London? Taking Shelagh away from familiar settings for better consultants and excellent staff who would help her improve and return home might have more dire consequences.

*= I just wanted to be dramatic here, because I don't know about you, but I'm OVER Dr.Evans like none other (hilarious, because he's my own character!)

[jeanandthedreamofhorses]

Eren the Free, Part 2: Response to linkspooky’s ‘Eren the Slave’

Continuing from where we left off:

Blind Hatred of the Enemy

This point I have already covered both in my attached meta and in my argument against ‘lip service’. Eren proves in his conversation with Reiner that there is no longer anything blind about his hatred - he only uses it when it is useful to him, as when he manipulated Grisha and as when he distanced himself from Mikasa and Armin.

Self-Loathing

linkspooky claims that Eren is acting out of self-loathing for his own weakness and means to throw his life away for the sake of proving himself. This self-loathing is also something he began to overcome in the Uprising Arc.

Isayama said in an interview that Historia inspired Eren to escape from that depressive state, and we can see the first signs of it in the same chapter.

In the Final Arc, Eren has so much self-confidence and love for himself that he is willing to fight against the entire World for the sake of his own desires, brushing aside their hatred and choosing to live for himself.

This is why he is diametrically opposed to Zeke, who does hate himself and wishes he was never born, and out of that self-hatred wants to ensure that none of his kind are ever born again. Eren, on the other hand, proudly states “Because I was born into this world” as an affirmation of his right to exist and to fight for his freedom.

Eren is willing to endanger himself not because he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies, but because he knows for certain that he will soon die as a result of Ymir’s Curse. That is what separates the value of the lives of his friends from the value of his own life; even in Armin’s case he still has much longer left than Eren. As I explain in my attached meta, I find that Eren is using his final years in such a dramatic way precisely because he does believe in the value of his existence.

Fighting with No Release

linkspooky claims that Eren does not want freedom, but perpetual fighting. I think my attached meta should clarify why I believe perpetual fighting to be the very nature of freedom, but even then, if Eren’s aim is truly the destruction of the outside world, wouldn’t that put the conflict between humans and Eldians to a permanent end?

They also make the claim that in killing the Reiss family, Grisha does not manage to save Carla or even Eren, as he manipulates him into a cursed future. However, Grisha does not kill the Reiss family for those reasons. He is unable to do it.

The reason he ultimately makes the choice is not for anyone else but because it is the course of his own Will. It is the story he started.

Another of his motivations, secondary but still relevant, is fighting to make the deaths of the past mean something by fulfilling the future Eren showed him.

linkspooky argues that death is just an experience of meaningless losses, which must be accepted as meaningless. However, I find that this conflicts with one of the most inspiring and heartfelt moments of the manga: Erwin’s final speech before his death. 

The framing of this speech in such a moving and powerful manner is, to me, a clear indicator of authorial Narrative. Yes, people’s deaths are in themselves meaningless, which is why it is the task of the living to give them meaning – why we have to, as both Hange and Eren have said, keep moving forward, not to forget them and leave them be.

The claim that it was Grisha who manipulated his son is also problematised by this latest chapter. From his interactions with the Future Eren and the visions he showed to him, Grisha clearly knew that being titanised was Eren’s own desire.

linkspooky also brings up Eren’s killing of civilians to show he is not really fighting the World, but fighting for the sake of fighting. This ignores the fact that he also killed the ambassadors of almost every nation on the planet, who are surely representative of the World more than any other. This even extends to the leader of his own nation, though inadvertently, when Zackly is killed by the Jaegerists.

Furthermore, civilians, though innocent, are still part of the World and are not exempt from that fight. Despite what the meta suggests about Eren’s Personal Narrative, those who propose World-destroying never try to pass it off as a noble thing.

Forgetting Lessons

linkspooky claims that Eren remains stagnant because he forgets the lessons he learns. They use as their evidence Eren brushing off Mikasa after she tells him she’s grateful to him for wrapping his scarf around her. They claim that he does this because he does not accept the worth of his kindness and insists on fighting instead.

Tone is a tricky thing, but I do think the tone of this scene is widely agreed upon to be a heartwarming one.  I don’t think anyone was angry at Eren during this scene or thought he didn’t value Mikasa’s words. The strength of the tone suggests authorial Narrative to me, which makes it very hard to see this moment as something negative.

The claim that Eren doesn’t listen to her because he brushes her aside is directly contradicted by the next panel, where Eren repeats her words and shows how they have resonated with him. I find the forcefulness of Eren’s shaking off to just be the forcefulness of his feelings.

Moreover, can anyone argue that Eren did the wrong thing here? Had he decided to renounce violence instead of punching Dina, he, Mikasa, and the entirety of the Survey Corps would have been devoured on the spot. linkspooky appears to argue that violence is incompatible with kindness, but Eren is now protecting Mikasa with violence precisely because of his kindness.

The meta claims that Eren telling Mikasa he’s always hated her proves that he forgot the lesson he learned here, but both I and linkspooky agree that Eren is lying in that scene to put her at a safe distance. If they mean to argue that Eren is neglecting his kindness for the sake of fighting, I restate my argument that he is fighting out of that kindness.

linkspooky also makes the claim that Eren forgot the lesson he learned from Armin’s death, which was that Armin was worth more than him because he pursued freedom instead of just clinging onto his hatred. I think I have already sufficiently argued that Eren has developed past blind hatred and now fights for genuine freedom.

Armin’s Reason for Self-Sacrifice

The meta claims that Armin sacrificed himself out of a sense of inadequacy and a need to prove himself. This, I find, is an insecurity Armin overcame in Chapter 11, where Eren and Mikasa tell him his worth up front.

My understanding of Armin’s sacrifice is that he was acting in accordance with his doctrine that those who cannot sacrifice anything can never hope to gain anything.

Historia Representing What Eren Thinks He Wants and Mikasa Representing What He Really Wants

It is unfortunate that the phrasing makes this sound like a rather immature ship war comment, but I’ll assume that ‘Historia’ here means ‘Eren’s vision of the future as represented by Historia’s hand’.

Even then, to argue that a deliberate contrast is drawn between these images is, I think, lacking in evidence. Had Isayama wanted to do that, he surely would have juxtaposed these images against each other. But instead there is an ample amount of space between them.

As for the nature of the scarf scene, for that I have already given my interpretation in the previous part.

Eren and Zeke’s Bonds

linkspooky argues that the difference between Zeke and Eren is that while Zeke values the connections he doesn’t have, Eren doesn’t value the connections he does have. I think the first half is very insightful, but I strongly disagree with the second. Rather I think the difference between them is more simply that Eren does value the connections which he does have.

Because I believe he is fighting to defend those loved ones, I could never make the claim that he does not appreciate them. Those bonds are so important to him that he is willing to trash them in order to preserve them. While that may seem paradoxical, it reminds me of this line from Bakemonogatari: 

“I care about my debt to you more than our friendship”.

linkspooky’s argument, however, is that while Eren wants to defend his friends, it’s entirely in a selfish capacity and he does not think of them as free human agents, as he never allows their words to get through to him.

I’ve argued in my attached meta about how one can only ever really look out for one’s own freedom, but in the first place, I think the argument that Eren never listens to anyone else or allows them to reach him is factually incorrect. He listened to Historia, as proven in Isayama’s interview. He listened to Petra in taking her advice to rely on his comrades, and only changed his mind based on the consequences.

Annie reached him by shaking his black-and-white conception of the world and making him want to understand his enemies for the first time. Reiner reached him as a kindred spirit which he recognised in Chapter 100.

He listened to Shadis:

And his newfound emphasis of being ‘born into this world’ suggests he listened to Carla through him as well.

But for the sake of argument, let’s suppose that Eren doesn’t treat his loved ones like people. How does prioritising his desires over his friends make him ‘weak’, as linkspooky claims? I understand how fear of losing them might make him so, but it seems that selfishness is being argued as a form of weakness in this meta as well.

Throughout the ages there have been many attempts to conflate the Strong/Weak system of values with the system of Good/Evil, but I think all of us understand on an instinctual level that ‘strength’ is nothing more than a measure of power – a single unarmed titan is undoubtedly stronger than a single unarmed human. Yielding your own Will to the Will of others is surely an indication of submission rather than strength, no matter how moral it may be. Power can only be found in the pursuit of one’s own Will to Power.

Eren failed to save his mother because he wasn’t strong enough. Lying down and accepting the death or enslavement of his loved ones would be every inch as weak.

So then, let us continue to suppose that Eren does not appreciate his connections. If this is true, Zeke is in no ways different. He does not unconditionally value the connections he doesn’t have: he hated Grisha precisely because his love for him was highly conditional.

The same is true of Zeke’s love for Eren. Zeke is not treating Eren as a free individual despite his disagreements as the meta claims - he is keeping Eren trapped in the Path Dimension until he comes around to his point of view. The claim that he cannot bring himself to manipulate Eren is also untrue, because if that were the case he would have told Eren that the one with royal blood is the one who commands Ymir-Sama – but he didn’t, because he was manipulating him.

It is true that Zeke could have activated the euthanasia immediately, but he has no need to in a place of infinite time. His determination to convince Eren beforehand just illustrates his manipulative nature even further, as he cannot tolerate disagreement in his loved ones.

He talks of ‘healing’ and ‘saving’ Eren, as though he were a lost lamb in need of enlightenment rather than an individual of opposing desires. His only explanation for their differences is that Eren has been brainwashed. When Zeke finds out that Eren chose this path freely, his love is completely replaced by fear and he tries to activate the euthanasia without Eren’s consent.

There is nothing unconditional about Zeke’s love.

The meta also claims that Eren is showing Zeke his happy childhood in order to mock him. But that is not the case at all - Eren is largely silent for that portion of Grisha’s memories, only speaking up in an effort to cut it short. The only one making observations about Eren’s happy childhood is Zeke.

linkspooky considers the above panel to be Eren mocking Zeke, but I find it to just be Eren laying down in no uncertain terms that he’s not the willess child everyone keeps assuming him to be, that he does have a will of his own and he does act on it.

The Meaning of Carla’s Words

linkspooky claims that Eren is misinterpreting Carla’s words by feeling the need to prove that he is special despite already being special from being born into this world. It was precisely those words, however, that broke Eren out of that delusion – again, in the Uprising Arc.

The fact that Eren has become what-is-called-special regardless is an example of the loop that I describe in the attached meta. He is no longer fighting out of the need to be special (and this is perhaps what has made him truly special, as opposed to someone like Keith), but because, as he says, he was born into this world - and he wants to preserve the ability of Eldians to live the kind of ordinary lives Carla envisioned.

If Zeke has his way, no Eldian will ever be born into this world again. If Marley have their way, the Paradis Eldians will be wiped from the face of this world. The Survey Corps’ way would subject Historia to a life of enslavement, and, with the withdrawal of Hizuru’s aid, is no longer feasible. It is only Eren’s way which values their being born and allows Eldians to live free lives.

Kruger wants Grisha both to fight for Eldia and to live a loving family life. They are not mutually exclusive.

Eren’s Happy Childhood

The claim that Eren does not value others because he had a childhood where he was unconditionally loved omits everything that happened to him after he was ten years old, when his parents were brutally snatched from him, his neighbours were massacred and his hometown was destroyed.

He openly expresses regret over not having appreciated his mother enough, and, just as linkspooky argues, his powerlessness at her death was a major cause of insecurity. In the Crystal Cave he also believed that his father manipulated him into a terrible destiny. Eren is no stranger to parental issues either.

Freedom as the Freedom to Not Get What You Want

I find this claim directly contradicts the definition of freedom, which I go over in my attached meta, and thus renders it a meaningless term.

Symbolism of Eren in Chains

Eren does frequently wind up enchained or imprisoned, but the real value of the symbolism is the fact that Eren invariably escapes from his confinements. The chains depicted in linkspooky’s argument are broken by Eren in the very next chapter.

Rather than representing his enslavement, those broken chains demonstrate his successful struggle for freedom.

The Manga Is Calling for Him to be Stopped

Characters are calling for him to be stopped, because as argued in the attached meta, freedom is a terrifying thing. If we want to find the authorial Narrative, we should investigate it through symbolism, and it’s difficult to read Eren breaking his chains as an image of enslavement.

Well, in many, many words, I hope I’ve successfully explained my position. Well done for getting to the end! I do it for my boi Ereh.

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x11 discussion - burning desires of change

Hey guys, as usual, here’s my breakdown of the episode. Props to Mr. Bob Morley on his directing debut - insert applause emoji here. All in all, it was great, I enjoyed it, albeit a little weird. But it’s to be expected of a conversion episode taking us into the finale.

Like I explained in my 2nd predictions post, “Ashes to Ashes’ has Biblical connotation and it’s also a British crime drama about time traveling back to the early 80′s as well as David Bowie’s 1980 hit single about addiction.

Apart from Ash being Echo’s real name, I struggled to find the link to the title until it hit me with a wrench from behind. It’s about cycles, repetition, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (which Einstein did not say btw). Only now, it’s breaking that rotation. Demons are overcome (apart from Madi), and it’s time to do better.

Octavia’s no longer Bellamy’s responsibility, Clarke refuses to kill innocents, the children of Gabriel learn the truth, Miller disobeyed to transcend and Echo (or Ash), well, I’ll talk about her later. To Monty! Will this also be the end of the ‘will they, won’t they’ dance for Bellamy and Clarke? See my thoughts on this.

That said, let’s fall into the recap.

A child possessed

Okay, Sheidheda was a lot creepier in this episode than the previous ones. if Madi wasn’t completely overthrown before, it seems like she is now and her driving force is pure vengeance. The bond between Madi and Clarke is harder to break than diamonds, which we saw in season 5 and here again.

For six years, all they had were each other. Since the little Natblida was only six when Clarke found her, she won’t even remember her real family all that well. To Madi, Clarke was her savior, her family, her protector, her mother and basically everything else. Having such an influence taken away from you is artery-slicing.

The demon in her head knows this, plays on it and manipulates in a way an abuser lures children in with sweets. Given her age and lack of experience, she follows blindly. I have a feeling this might continue onto season 7 but I hope Raven finds a way to eliminate him. That face freaks me out. For now, he’s gonna cause a lot more damage than we anticipate and will probably be a spoil of war for the peaceful plan.

John Murphy - court jester or hero?

Yeah, he’s been a fence-sitter the entire season, but you have to admit, Murphy provides some much needed comical relief. Granted, the writers have turned up the humor via Bellamy, Clarke, and Diyoza, yet Murphy’s sarcasm should never be taken for granted. “Houdini Miller.” He might not make it to the end of the season.

If someone threatens the life of the person you love, will you protect everyone else or only that person? Ask Bellamy, he did the exact same thing. Risked the lives of everyone else to save his girl, of course Murphy will do the same. He wants to marry Emori, he’ll face hell to ensure her safety.

Still, he warns Echo in good old Cockroach fashion. Don’t let them find out I’m on your side, there’s but one side and it’s mine - and Emori’s. As long as the primes think that, he’ll have a chance of being spared. Murphy is such a great character, sure, he has deviated from being good, but that’s what makes him interesting.

The more layers and substance a character has, the more convincing and relatable they are. All of us have flaws, Murphy’s biggest one is his selfishness, does this make him a bad person? Absolutely not. He struggles and sometimes stumbles due to it but he still cares. Only the size of his heart’s in question, not the existence and it gets them out of some serious syrupy situations.

The makes of the Blakes

So, Bellamy doesn’t care about the delusional cult followers, he merely wants to save his people, to hell with the rest. In a sense, he betrayed them to rescue his love? soulmate? person? and has to make up for it. Now, Bellamy, did Monty not teach you anything?

Being so determined, he calls his sister the queen of cannibals. Killing her own people to ensure their survival. She did what she had to do, why can’t he? I didn’t know Bellamy even knew about this, why didn’t they show his reaction to finding out? Wouldn’t it have led to him cutting her some slack? He was in the exact same situation many times before. 

Probably not. His whole life has always revolved around her, everything he did was to protect his sister to the point of borderline, unhealthy codependency. Octavia was his purpose and yet she threw him in a fighting pit to die after he once again tried to save her - from herself.

Gabriel then tells Bellamy his sister is special, she returned from the greatest mystery of Sanctum. If I remember correctly, Lincoln called her special too when she was unaffected by the biological warfare. There’s more to it though, in my opinion, I still think Diyoza will return, they were both called by the anomaly, why would only O survive? That anomaly is going to be some crazy wow-factor, I’m certain.

I believe a cult won’t be too happy to find out that its leader is the exact thing they’re rebelling against. And the children of Gabriel seemed pretty pissed, especially Xavier’s sister. That is until Bellamy gives them a plan to fulfill their cause. Unfortunately for him, it means teaming up with O to find the powerful red sun toxin. For once the cultists weren’t useless!

Poor Gabriel, all he wants is peace. I thought Jordan would be a Monty reincarnator but apparently, that’s Gabriel. Or he’s more of Lincoln II? Either way, I hope he doesn’t die. Speaking of Jordan, I miss him in his recovery bed. 

Anyway, “what do you say when sorry isn’t good enough?” Despite Bellamy’s countless efforts to keep O occupied, she won’t stop breaking down the walls around his heart. Those mushrooms were strong, Bell, we saw it. Octavia’s speech was so deep, honest and touching that Bellamy’s stray tears hardly seem enough.

The way it was resolved though, is more than satisfactory. After everything that’s happened, it wouldn’t be enough development for him to simply accept what she’s done and move on. But, he’s willing to give her a chance to prove herself while no longer being the core of his world. “You’re my sister, but you’re not my responsibility, not anymore” is probably the best metamorphosis I’ve witnessed on this show. It clips the umbilical cord for both of them to emerge as individuals.

Echoes of a cold-hearted spy

So, I assume Echo protected Ryker thinking she could bank on his morality to spare her. And of course, she keeps scraping at the flesh wound. But Ryker believes saving his family keeps the peace, killing Echo saves everyone else. One life instead of thousands - it’s for the greater good, right? Wrong. The acting here was great, I was totally convinced of Ryker’s bouncing morals.

Off-topic, I completely forgot Miller used to be a thief and I’m glad we got to see his pick-pocketing skills in action. He deserves some credit and screentime, since being a part of this show for six seasons. Oh, and the transcending moment between him and Gaia was super sweet.

For a second I thought Echo would become Simone and then I remembered that she also took ALIE’s chip and they wouldn’t rehash the neural mesh storyline. Meaning my fears were quickly soothed.

Onto the important part, what was that back story supposed to mean? All I got out of it, is that Echo’s cycle isn’t broken. That leopard hasn’t changed its spots. Don’t get me wrong, it broke my heart that she had to kill her friend and resume her identity in order to survive. But, it felt like a turning point in Echo’s character that plunged her into heartlessness. Will she become that person again?

I know Echo might not be a fan favourite, but she’s really grown on me this season. She’s smart, loyal and fierce, I like her. Not Bellamy and Echo together though, I can’t see a semblance of a connection between them. And their relationship is only hurting their characters.

Why would they build her up as a great character just to show that she cares about no-one, not even her friends? I mean I get why she killed Ryker, leaving him alive was too much of a risk - he would tell Russel about her, Miller and Gaia being at large. Though that murderous glint in her eyes tells me that was purely for revenge and completely against their newfound lifestyle. Maybe I’m wrong.

I’m curious to know what being a nightblood will mean for her now and how her character might change after being held at gunpoint.

Meanwhile, Monty’s mantra rings through Clarke 

Oy, Bellamy risked everything and everyone to save Clarke and if she can’t play the part of Josephine convincingly, that was all for nothing. And our boy’s not happy about it - at all. Only, Clarke refuses a Mount Weather do-over.

I just need to mention Bellamy’s face when Murphy come’s through the tent - priceless. Then Jade finally gets a chance to knock someone out too. Yay for her!

The moment Clarke’s safe, she goes straight to Bellamy for reassurance and goodbye. Backtracking to the start of the episode, the way he flung to her side when she woke, touched and comforted her was toothachingly soft and way too intimate to be non-romantic. 

Bellamy gets this shy, ‘aw it’s nothing’ expression when Clarke thanks him for saving her life. Because to him, it really is nothing, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. And while he’s making heart-eyes at his friend, his girlfriend is being prepped for a blood transplant and murder. I cannot see how there won’t be any followthrough on this. 

If there’s not, it’s altogether bad writing, showcasing and wasted potential. Right now, there’s too much going on for a decent conversation that’s years overdue and I’m hopeful they’ll get it. In the synopsis of the finale, there’s a hint at romance and I truly believe it’s theirs.

Well done Eliza! For playing Clarke and Josephine, Clarke as Josephine and vice versa. She’s an amazing actress and has come a long way from, “Stop, the air could be toxic!.” 

The woman must have been devastated when she walked in on Madi strapped to a chair, being drained for her blood. Yet, in the scheme of greater good, she acts oblivious. She plays the part of a nonchalant sociopath so well, while sparing Madi via a sedative and shifting the focus to her mind drive. 

Those newlyweds sure know how to act and direct!! Like always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, did I read the Echo backstory correctly? Till next week, bye!

[djemsostylist]

Always and Forever: Season 1

I have decided on a rewatch of the Originals, despite just finishing the series, mostly bc I started off paying no attention as I assumed I would hate it, but ended up feeling...something, by the end.

I will preface this by saying that this show is a prime example of my distinction between good and good. This show is not good. Is it enjoyable? Certainly, I wouldn't be rewatching if it wasn't, but I definitely wouldn't term it as good television. The writing, acting, and directing are all, at best, mediocre to decent, and often veer dangerously close to cringe. But the actors do all seem in earnest, and that certainly helps sell it, as does the chemistry of the main cast. I think what I am drawn to the most about the Originals, as with most not good things I love, is the potential.

The Originals, at it's core, is a meditation on immortality and the nature of family. The Originals themselves are a fascinating idea, because of their very nature--in a world of supernatural creatures, where the rules of life and death are bent, the Mikaelson's break them. They are Gods among lesser gods. Their life experience is such that only 5 people exist who can truly understand what they have lived--not only the length of life itself, but the way it which it ebbs and flows, the nature of immortality in it's truest sense, where death is never even an option. 1000 years is an impossibly long time to live, and they have 1000 more before them. Even turning others into vampires only removes them more from the things they create, because no one and nothing can ever truly understand what it is they are--both to the world and each other.

Season 1 takes the 3 remaining Originals, the core of their family, and examines what it means to be family, the price of "forever and always", betrayal, loss, pain, and forgiveness. It asks how three broken people can be a family, if it is possible to overcome our traumas and our fears, if forgiveness can be achieved after loss and betrayal and heartache. It asks whether or not we can allow others to bear our burdens and accept the weight of our soul, or if we must be the ones to bear it.

The three Mikaelsons are in very different places at the beginning, but they all share a singular goal--to love and be loved and to finally have the peace and love of family, and the stability of a life without fear. Klaus is struggling, as he always has, with the fear of rejection, the fear of being seen for who he fears he is, the fear that one day he will push just a little too far and will lose them all forever. For Klaus, it's easier to push them all away than to have them walk away. It's an unceasing test. If he pushes and they stay, then he proves that that he is worth it. If he pushes and they go, then he's right that he is unlovable and they never wanted him anyway.

For Elijah, its the ever present struggle between balancing nobility and sacrifice, and the knife's edge of when selflessness becomes an inherent sort of selfishness. For Elijah, what is the price of his brother's redemption, and is it worth more than the price of his own soul? Or, the price of his own happiness, when there is another person involved? For Rebekah, it is the fear of forever, of loss, of being without the people she loves. For Rebekah, love comes easily, but is not always returned.

The Mikaelsons, already at odds with each other and themselves, are then given two more unlikely members of their family--Marcel, a boy turned vampire who was left behind, and Hayley, a werewolf whose baby may be the one chance to change the trajectory of their family forever.

Season 1 is a tight focus on the Mikaelsons dealing with each other as well as their own personal demons--Klaus's fear of becoming his father, Elijah's fear of letting someone else in, Rebekah's fear of being alone, and mixes it with the drama of a town just as torn and destroyed as they are. The season's dramas are not small, but at their core, they all deal with family and forgiveness. From Davina being slaughtered by her family to make way for power to Marcel dealing with proving himself to the family he lost, the season delves deeply into the overarching themes of family and forgiveness. Can we forgive others, and in turn forgive ourselves? Can we build back what has been lost? Is it worth it to build again?

The season is long, of course, and it's far from perfect. Davina's actress is not good which renders some of her more powerful scenes a touch cringier than they ought to be, and the show flops often from outrage over loss of life to casual murder as a humorous aside, and the witch chanting and teen witches will always be one of the more annoying aspects of the TVDU (a side note here is that the Originals is, I think, much improved by all the characters, barring the annoying teen witches, over the age of 25--it's both more believable and eliminates the need for anything related to high school). (A further side note is that I think this show (and the TVDU) often struggles with reconciling the fact that vampires drink human blood to survive, and what that means morally. In the Originals it's largely ignored--other than needing to feed when immediately weak, by and large the Mikaelson's food source isn't really addressed, and they never seem to lose control--any murder or mayhem is always intentional. It makes scenes like the breakfast scene in episode 6, where they casually dismiss a dead girl in their living room as a peace offering from Klaus, particularly strange. One can only assume the writers were unsure how to play both without delving into moralities like they did with TVD and the use of blood bags and etc. I for one never really worried about their diet--it's not a focus of the show, and frankly the show is better for it--there are other morals to worry about besides where they find their meals).

But the actors are earnest, and the chemistry of the core 5 (the Mikaelson's + Hayley and Marcel) is excellent, which makes them a pleasure to watch. The slow changes and the subtle growth of the characters over the course of the season is also well done--Klaus doesn't find out he is a father and immediately change his ways, Elijah falling for Hayley doesn't lead him to abandon his quest for Klaus' salvation.

The season slowly moves through the stages of Klaus' acceptance of his impending fatherhood, and what it means in the light of his own relationship with his father and in the remains of his relationship with his one-time protegee and adopted son, Marcel. We see him finally accepting that part of his fears of Elijah and Rebekah having love was the worry that if they loved someone else, they wouldn't love him, and grow to accept that their love is not conditional. He isn't there all the way yet--that growth is still to come, but he makes strides in accepting the mistakes of others (one of Klaus' biggest issues is expecting the perfection of others, perhaps in large part because of his own perceived imperfections), and we see him begin to care for more than just his own need to prove himself to others.

Elijah, too often called the "good" brother or the "noble" one, also experiences his own growth as he both strives to keep his family safe and together--his longstanding goal--but also finds himself falling in love and starting to think about wanting more. Elijah is, in some ways, almost too selfless--in his desire to let others make their own choices and put family first, he hurts himself and them as well. He rejects his feelings for Hayley out of a sense of loyalty to Klaus and not wanting to burden her, but in doing so, hurts Hayley in return. He grows slowly throughout the season, starting to take what he wants and needs and accepting the degree to which his actions and their consequences make his family safe--or not. Like Klaus, the finale doesn't bring him quite there yet--he has a while to go, but he's making strides.

Rebekah has a shorter arc this season, but she too makes slow progress towards her own goals of independence. Rebekah feels bound to her brothers, but also consumed by the need to love and be loved, and she never really seems to achieve either. Elijah, whom she comes to New Orleans to help, chooses the city, and Klaus, and Hayley, and his niece over her. Marcel, her long lost love, choses his city and his people. Klaus gives her no choice. But she does, in the end, get a measure of peace when Klaus asks her to raise his daughter in her absence. Again, Rebekah's journey is not done, but she has made growth.

The Originals, like TVD before it, shines when the cast is tight and the focus is on character growth and relationships. The introduction of various McGuffins always brings down the show, and this is never more true than in later seasons. But season 1 is excellent for what it is, and it makes me wish for the hands of more competent writers and showrunners to do justice to the characters and concepts we are offered.

[resurrged]

AN ANALYSIS OF CHARACTER DECISIONS THE WARRIORS    /     AND WHY YMIR CHOSE ‘THEIR SIDE’      —

                   first and foremost, let me just address some incredibly important tidbits on my own interpretation of ymir’s characterization,  just because it’ll set the fact that this whole post is pretty ?? against the grain to everything i’ve seen on ymir so far & affects a lot on how i play her.

one :       her death was necessary, and she was likely set to die from the start.

this manga is meant to tug at your heartstrings, and ymir’s death, to me, is probably the best one to hit that bullet.  no one’s getting a truly happy ending, and ymir’s was beautifully forlorn.  the best isa has done in building a character just to crush them in the worst way possible, imo. and i mean, yeah, sure— would it have been NICE to see ymir overcome this and find a happy medium? yeah, totally. BUT THIS ISN’T THAT KIND OF STORY ???? it’s not like she really has the chance to work on it fully & like holy shit y’all we literally watched the main protagonist get EATEN within the first 4 chapters what do you expect ????

two :       ymir leaving does not, in any way,  “go entirely against her character”  by choosing R&B over historia

in fact, it aligns perfectly with every aspect of it —  as per isayama’s given outline / point focuses when it comes to her.

as much as she cherishes, supports, and loves the girl, YMIR IS SO MUCH MORE THAN HER ATTACHMENT TO HISTORIA OH mY GoD

THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS LITERALLY A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHO SHE IS NOT HOW SHE BECAME THAT WAY.

now back to randy with the news

PERSONALITY     /          ymir had always been looking out for others, with a particular emphasis on historia, sure, more on that later— but we see how someone like reiner was instantly able to clue into how something apparently crass, such as laughing ruthlessly at connie’s “idea”,  had been done to look out for him.  

she’s clearly close to her comrades, and we see her being physically touchy with both connie and eren without either of them twitching away / reacting like this is strange.  even though she’s known to behave boorishly, she has this level of closeness with them, something that wouldn’t be a thing if they were truly on bad terms, as her bluntness would often imply.  they seem to all have a comfortable friendship / understanding, one that recognizes she isn’t inherently looking to shit all over them 24/7.   even when she had the chance to simply save historia alone during the CoT arc, she went out of her way to ensure she got all 4 cadets that were left on the tower.   not to mention she saved erwin despite being right pissed at him at the time, something she honestly had no reason to do.   so no, historia isn’t the only person on her mind 24/7.

as much as ymir has said her goal was to live her new life for herself, she was never able to.  we see time and time again that ymir tries to be crass, tries to be blunt, gives in to being selfless, and then tries to play it off.  she’s trying to force herself to change, but it doesn’t work.  at no point in the series had it ever worked.  nothing about her inherent character changed, she never received ‘character development’ on that end, but guess what? that’s actually an incredibly realistic development. she realizes & succumbs to the fact that she was doomed from the start. i cannot emphasize enough how hard it is to change something so integral about who you are as a person. it takes a lot to do that.  we have an entire section of our brains dedicated to not doing it.  

in fact, no character in snk has gone through dramatic change without struggle or major prompting ( levi had to watch his comrades die, mikasa had to break her superior’s leg, and most importantly in this context, historia had to watch her best friend leave her ) .   and NONE of these happened in a flash, either. we have a 6-year skip to levi’s current behaviour, which is still crass / cold even if it is more selfless.  mikasa needs to be reminded of watching how her attachment plays into her choices during the serum bowl before succumbing, and (listen up this is important) historia only truly listens to ymir’s words of advice when confronting her father.  don’t forget that these two had known each other for years before current events, and ymir had been trying to get historia to stop acting the way she does the entire time.  WHICH MAKES SENSE.  in real life, PEOPLE DON’T JUST CHOOSE TO ‘CHANGE’.  it happens naturally, with a shitton of effort and mistakes, if at all. and i’m convinced isayama knows this.

in the end, ymir succumbs to her own state, a doleful  ‘i guess some things never change’  in giving herself up for reiner & bertolt to take.   she feels indebted to them, and knows she can’t deal with the guilt of it, and she’s done trying.  she got her second shot at life and couldn’t ever complete the one task she set out for herself : to just live for her own sake.  

she is pathetic, and i think that’s what porco was getting at in referencing her memories in the marley arc.  and i think his choice of words are really intriguing here? because he uses “を返し[て]くれ[た]” to refer to ymir giving her his brother’s titan back, with both を返し and くれる being things you typically say about someone who’s doing you a genuine favor, like out of good will.  the way he’s saying this aligns heavily with how ymir felt she was indebted to them, despite how he clearly disagrees with her views by calling her straight up pathetic for them lmao.  

the last things we hear her say are that it “doesn’t feel so bad to be a goddess”, again emphasizing that she does these things because they are, in essence, what makes her feel nice.  she feels genuine happiness in giving herself up.  a feeling that goes unmatched by any selfish deed she could ever do.  she even mentions in her letter that she has no regrets, likely through finally realizing this very fact and being able to put it into words, as before we see she doesn’t quite understand the behaviour herself.  and she mentions she regrets nothing, save for getting to marry historia, as if saying maybe this was the very thing that would have possibly felt just as nice.  

so again, i emphasize— she wanted to live selfishly for the rest of her new life, knows she should be happy that way, like everyone else seems to be — but in the end, she couldn’t.  not because of stupid plot devices, but because she genuinely couldn't live with herself unless she did.  when she apologizes to historia, i’m convinced it’s not just for abandoning her, but for proving she’s been nothing but one huge, fake hypocrite this whole time.   after all, ymir’s just like her ;  she wants to do good, wants to help others, and can’t fathom the thought of ever feeling worthy enough for a shot at true happiness.  really, she was being selfish to the end, as she was chasing what made herself feel good as opposed to what someone like historia might have preferred from her, or what R&B even offered to let her do.

HISTORIA     /          now another point i feel i should bring up is that ymir was actually going to bring historia with her, but only under the pretense that she’d live a better life.  

don’t forget ymir lived lavishly up until she was caught as a false prophet, and she likely assumed that with her royal blood, historia would too.  she thought paradis was done for, but when she realized they weren’t, she made the split-second decision to both sacrifice herself for reiner to have something to bring back with him ( thus preventing him from possibly going after historia in place of eren again ) as well as letting historia continue her life as historia, where she was already happy.  

at this point, ymir had seen historia finally spit back the words she’d spoken for so long, and was likely under the pretense that she would be fine, that they had finally stuck.  she saw no reason to keep herself present in hisu’s life ; she’d finally been able to break through to her.  but no matter what, at that point, she had already chosen to sacrifice herself for historia’s sake, and the more she listened to R&B, the more she solidified this idea.

EMPATHY     /         ymir felt fucking bad for R&B.  we get a ton of cutshots to her expression when eren tries to confront bertholdt’s morality, and practically defends him by telling eren he’s being childish for immediately wishing death on him.  we see her getting quiet when she brings up marcel,  and then again showing empathy for bert’s position in all of this.  this is again emphasized when bertholdt asks why she saved him.  but the last two don’t even matter, because by the time they begin leaving the forest she had practically already cemented the fact that she was going to go with them in believing she would never see historia again. 

of course, we might still get more insight on ymir and her motifs, but for now, this has always been how i interpreted her actions, and i never once questioned them.   yes, it would’ve been nice for her to finally set aside that aspect of herself and return with historia, but as i mention in my paradis verse, doing so wouldn’t have cured the innate guilt she feels towards living.  especially now that she’s spoken to R&B.   she realizes she took this from them and feels undeserving of this second shot at life when she couldn’t even do anything with it.  she was supposed to live for herself, and there she is doing everything in her power to save historia instead.  i’m sure ymir feels like a failure over that, and i’m sure it really fucks with her psyche, and factors into why she’s so willing to literally accept death by going back with them.

so by having ymir choose R&B over historia, she was going against  ‘development’  her character literally never had. every single ymir cut shot / flashback in these chapters literally emphasize just how much she does for others, all while trying to hide it under a mask of false ambiguity for her own sake. 

so yeah.  i love ymir.  she deserved better.   thanks for listening to my TED talk.

[kalinara]

It’s interesting to scroll back through character tags.  I found one for Stranger Things from a while ago that basically argued that “from a story perspective” Billy Hargrove should have gotten Steve Harrington’s redemption arc because it would have been interesting to see him overcome all of his obstacles in life.

It’s stuff like this that make me realize that a lot of fans don’t understand how character redemption actually works.  

There is no such thing as a redemption arc.

This is not to say that a character cannot achieve redemption.  But it’s not a matter of an “arc”.  It is not a closed off plotline that starts off with a vile human being and has him travel from point A to point B, to magically become a good person at the end, end of story.

I feel like a lot of fans treat redemption like some kind of modular attachment that they can attach to the character of their choice.  Heck, that character doesn’t even have to WANT to be redeemed, some other character like Steve, or Rey or Princess Leia can somehow DRAG them from point A to point B and it will somehow still work.

But if we look at the times when characters have genuinely redeemed themselves, it becomes apparent that redemption isn’t some sort of separate modular plot device.  It’s simply one potential aspect of character growth.

Since the post I’m vaguing about mentioned Steve Harrington, let’s look at Steve Harrington’s general story arc.  Steve starts off as a boy who is self-centered, shallow, and seemingly has very few interests outside of having fun with his friends and his girlfriend.   He is oblivious to the fact that his girlfriend has just lost her friend, and reacts in a selfish and cruel way when he thinks she’s cheating on him.  He says some truly hurtful things to both Nancy and Jonathan and allows his friends to behave badly as well.

Afterward, Steve regrets his actions and, unprovoked, decides to take steps to atone.  He makes genuine apologies, he works to repair the damage: cleaning the paint, replacing the camera.  And he also learns that there’s more going on than he thought when he helps face the demigorgon.  In season two, Steve continues to grow.  At first he tries to deny/ignore everything that happened, and then he takes proactive steps to help these weird kids.  By the end, he’s somehow a third surrogate parent.

And that’s why Billy getting Steve’s “redemption arc” is a ridiculous idea.  Because Steve didn’t really have a “redemption arc” per se.  Steve is just a character that kept developing throughout the course of the two seasons.  There’s no indication that he ever consciously said “I don’t like who I am, I want to change.”  He just gradually became a more self-aware, empathetic, considerate and altruistic person as the series continued.

This was a very organic growth that had its roots in who Steve was at the start: Steve was self-centered and shallow, but he wasn’t malicious.  He was sweet and funny to Nancy, and made her laugh.  He was friendly to Barb, and until the scene with Jonathan, we never saw him act intentionally cruel.  And therefore it was believable that he grew in a positive direction.

Let’s look at another example of a redeemed character: Prince Zuko from Avatar.  Now, unlike Steve, who was at worst an inconvenience and an obstacle, Zuko was a legitimate adversary and he’d done some nasty things to our lead characters.  Over the course of four seasons, we see how he is pulled back and forth between them, how he makes good decisions and bad.

Unlike Steve, we can pinpoint a specific time where Zuko decides that he wants to change for the better and he begins to act accordingly.  Leaving the Fire Kingdom, joining the team, earning their trust.

But I personally wouldn’t consider this a “redemption arc” either, because it really isn’t self contained.  It was a logical development from the very beginning, and we could see the roots in his confused motivations and conflicting impulses.  And we could see it in the way that Zuko generally tried to conduct himself honorably.  He was occasionally childish and angry, but he valued his uncle’s guidance.  There were lines that he wouldn’t cross.  He was never a torturer or a murderer.  He was never deliberately abusive or cruel.  Zuko’s “redemption” with the team was less about turning Zuko into a good guy and more about Zuko figuring out his own path.  His redemption was just one part of that journey.

It wouldn’t make sense to give Ozai Zuko’s story arc, because Ozai is not a child, he’s not lost, and there are definitely lines that he’s willing to cross: including hurting his own children.

So let’s look at a legitimate monster.  Someone who IS a murderer and torturer and has crossed almost every line available: Darth Vader.

This one is a bit more controversial, because, understandably, not everyone agrees with the idea that Darth Vader has done enough to redeem himself.  And certainly there’s truth to that argument...if you’re looking at it in terms of a “redemption arc.”

Vader didn’t have a redemption arc.  He made ONE non-evil choice at the end of twenty years of atrocity.  And then he died without ever having to follow up on it.

Whenever I look at Vader’s redemption, I try to do it from the perspective we would have had when it originally aired: namely what was established in the first three movies.  No slave backstory, no unhappiness with the Jedi Order.  Those were all inventions after the fact meant to help explain and expand on what happened in the original movies.  So let’s look at the original movies.

The interesting thing about Vader’s arc is that it definitely wasn’t planned from the very beginning.  So there really aren’t any roots to be seen in A New Hope, there isn’t much of anything to be seen there really.  He seems vaguely interested in Luke’s force potential,

In Empire Strikes Back, he’s different.  He goes from being vaguely interested in Luke Skywalker, to being fixated.  He stalks him, terrorizes his dreams, captures his friends, tortures them, all to bring Luke to him.  Then he makes him an offer: power and an alliance.  Ruling the galaxy together.  Luke refuses.  And then in Return of the Jedi, Luke comes to him, trying to convince his father to come back to the Light.  Vader seems more hesitant, regretful, but still gives him to the Emperor.  It is only when Luke refuses to kill him, and the Emperor is killing him, that Vader chooses to act.  And he does.  

This one act doesn’t begin to make up for Vader’s atrocities.  It doesn’t bring back the lives he’s destroyed or the people he’s killed.  And Vader never even apologizes for them.  As a redemption arc goes, well, that’s not one at all.

Vader’s choice saved Luke and it proved him right: there is “some good” left in his father.  And thanks to that choice, Anakin Skywalker was able to rejoin the Light.  But nothing is fixed.  Nothing is repaired.  And except for Luke Skywalker (and maybe Leia, in some universes), no one alive will see him as anything but a monster.

And of course, he’s dead now.  So it’s a moot point.

Vader’s choice has its roots in Empire Strikes Back, possibly even in A New Hope, if you’re willing to stretch your interpretation a little.  The contrast in Vader’s behavior between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back is the difference between a man who thought that he’d lost everything that mattered a long time ago, and a man who discovers that that’s not the case.  Vader, in Empire Strikes Back, is a man who genuinely does want a relationship with his child.  But he’s become so twisted and evil that he can’t conceive of this relationship except in terms of power, betrayal and alliance.  And because Luke won’t join him under Vader’s terms, Vader starts to very slowly be more receptive to Luke’s.  He goes from angry and forceful in ESB to weary and resigned in ROTJ.

But, he can’t make that leap until the Emperor almost kills his son.

This is the dynamic that people keep wanting to recreate with Kylo Ren.  And that doesn’t work.  Vader was a man whose character development took him from a dispassionate mechanical monster in ANH, to a very human monster in ESB, and then finally to a regretful and weary old man in ROTJ, which finally enabled him to make a choice.  

Now, Steve, Zuko and Vader aren’t the only characters with a lot of growth and development.  Billy, Ozai and Kylo have gotten their own share of development.  The problem is, so far, their development has gone too far in the opposite direction. 

Billy starts off being cruel to a child, threatening (hopefully jokingly) to run over children while creating a dangerous scenario, and escalates to the point of attempted murder.   Ozai has become even crueler and more power hungry.  And while Kylo hasn’t necessarily gotten worse (it’s hard to get worse when you START with mass murder of innocents), but by killing his father, he specifically and deliberately rejected the redemptive choice that his grandfather made.  He wants more power and is intentionally going deeper into the dark to get it.

I’m not going to say that these characters can’t ever develop in a direction to make redemption a feasible part of their story arc, but I don’t really see it as part of their current trajectory.  Sometimes villains just continue to be villains.

[doctorstephenvincentstrange]

The thing about the Doctor Strange movie that you have to throw a bone to and commend no matter what kind of fan you are — hardcore, casual, comics, MCU, whatever — is there’s something about the way they chose to write the character that really does make Stephen Strange highly relatable and sympathetic. Like, all the MCU heroes face their own struggles with having to ‘don the cape’ and do the job. But none hit home like Stephen Strange.

Stephen may have been an affluent neurosurgeon, but he was also a dynamic character. He likes music, he can’t hold his tongue back for wry remarks, and he’s proud. His life is his work and he has a thirst to prove himself and make a mark on the world, be seen and be heard. But then, tragedy strikes and takes that all away from him. The medium he always used to feel seen and heard and valued is stripped away from him and leaves him feeling worthless.

And there’s just something so pitiful about Stephen, that this man literally sees more value in the work he was doing with his hands than his own life or wellbeing. He’s willing to drive himself to financial ruin to try and re-attain his previous life style, but it’s because he has lost all sense of purpose. Without recognition and people to laud his greatness, he doesn’t believe he has worth.

And I think everyone can relate to that — wanting approval, attention, grandeur.

In the scene OP supplied, Stephen shows himself in a way no other marvel character has in the MCU. I just killed a man. I have blood on my hands. I can’t keep doing this. The other heroes in the MCU show a certain larger-than-life selflessness, constantly willing to make sacrifices without batting an eye. They’re heroes, through and through, and they’re willing to pay the price to save the day, because that’s who they are. Noble, altruistic, selfless heroes. But Stephen?

This is him saying, ‘hey, I’m just some dude. I don’t got this in me. I can’t fight for the greater good, I’m here for me, for my hands, for the good of my life. That’s all.’ And the Ancient One and Mordo, they call him out for this. They tell him he’s being selfish, they tell him he’s being cowardly — because Stephen, he’s not some larger than life guy that’s willing to give himself up for the greater good at the drop of the hat just because. He has self interest, clings to selfish wishes.

But the thing the movie does that makes his character retelling truly remarkable, is the way they develop him. Because the Ancient One knows that the selfish wish he’s protecting is the same many of us share— to achieve amazing things, to be admired. And she’s the one who convinces him that Christine Palmer was right, his life still has purpose without his work. Because she’s the one that teaches Stephen, through her own self-sacrifice and martyrdom, that he has so much more to give to the world than greatness, but goodness... in himself.

That there was something even better than greatness he could achieve, if only he could overcome his ego and need to be seen and heard —  and that’s to forget being great, you can make the world, which is so much bigger than you, great. And you will see your greatness in the world around you, in the impact of what you do, not in your reflection. And you can feel pride in that, and need not for recognition. That there’s a value in you, and not what you do, and you are an asset to this world that can truly make it a better place, if only you brave it.

And it’s her death that changes him forever, that finally makes him learn her lesson. He goes from the guy who won’t get his hands dirty for anybody’s sake but his own, to this guy:

Sacrificing his own life over and over using his own lifeforce as a wall to stand safeguard between this entity that threatens to consume life as we know it and the world. And even Dormammu can’t understand why Stephen would do this-- why would you suffer this much, over and over? Why would you submit to this fate? But Stephen has finally seen the value his life has, the chip that he can be, the difference he can make. This isn’t him stooping to a new low or submitting; this is him growing. It’s not about him doing great. It’s about him keeping the world great, that is so much bigger than him, that is the greatest he can do.

Knowingly laying down his life like a chess piece, because it’s the only way, and the world is bigger than him and he’s just one piece of it. But he knows he’s small, but not insignificant; he can make such a great difference on the rest of the world, he can save it. And it doesn’t matter if the world doesn’t know who he is, it doesn’t matter if he gets zero recognition. It’s not about being valued.

“And what do you do, besides making balloon animals?”

And here is Tony Stark, one of the worlds most notorious and famed superheroes, looking Stephen Strange in the eye and asking ‘uh, who are you?’ There’s this underlying judgement and implication here, that’s basically ‘how are you important?’ And Stephen recognizes the way Tony looks at him, it’s the same way he once looked upon others. ‘Okay, what are you really worth?’

And Stephen, he flexes his character growth here so well. My worth? Unquestionable. Been there, done that. I’ll show you. Oh, and did he show him! 

Tears in his eyes! Pain in his bones! This scene humanizes superhero, Doctor Strange more

[forceprojecdin]

I’m Being Torn Apart By The Last Jedi (But That’s Why It’s Good Art)

Well, Star Wars fans are being torn in half. Half of us a torn by what we feel on the inside, and we’re divided in half on whether we approve of director Rian Johnson’s (now obvious) attempt to tear us apar (in the best way art can). 56% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes as of opening day, but 96% critical approval. Interesting. Very interesting. I’m not going to ramble on. This will be short. This is really about one thing and one thing only. Would Luke have done what he did? This is really the one essential divider that we need to talk about. SPOILERS AHEAD The Luke Division The most profound thing I can say is half way through the film I wanted to let go of Star Wars because of what Luke did to Ben. 2ND SPOILER WARNING He thought about Killing his nephew Ben, because in reading Ben’s mind, and perhaps seeing the future, he saw that young Ben would essentially grow up to be a Hitler. I don’t use that word lightly. I believe it’s needed to make the point on why Luke contemplated murdering his nephew to spare the future horrors wrought upon billions. Ben Solo wasn’t the “heir apparent to Vader,” as Snoke claimed. He was to be more of maybe the heir to he or Palpatine. So what would Luke do if he saw that future? I’ll keep my entire argument to my own personal viewpoint. I can only makes sense of this in a personal way. I wanted to let go of Star Wars because of what Luke (even just contemplated) doing to Ben. That is unheard of for me! I was a true believer, who never faltered, even with Jar Jar and sandy love dialogue!   That wasn’t the Luke I grew up idolizing for throwing down his violent laser sword and saving his Father, Vader, out of love and a non-violent strategic move. To sacrifice himself to the Emperor, to force his Father to have to make a choice to save him. It worked. That’s great metaphor for the strategic power of non-violence. Luke was like my pop fictional MLK or something.  Then we get to that moment in the film where Luke ignites his green Lightsaber, contemplating killing his nephew in his sleep. No! I shouted internally. That is not Luke! No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooo! That’s not Luke. My Luke is perfect. Damn you! But then I realized, Luke has always been perfect to me in the most profound way -  I wanted to grow up to be perfect like him. That is an utterly profound effect to have on a child. Utterly. Alas, I grew up to have my own real failures. I didn't want to see this version Luke, but I needed to - I needed to have a myth that could help me to face my own failures and learn from them. That’s the power of myth, isn’t it? From sitting around campfires thousands of years ago to teach the tribe useful lessons, to sitting in movie theatres today. Pleas read Joseph Campbell, but I digress. Essentially, the power of myth is more important than than the power of Star Wars is. Simple logic. Star Wars needs to be myth, myth doesn’t need to be Star wars.    Again, half way through the film I wanted to let go of Star Wars because of what Luke did to Ben. Then, by the end, as a middle aged man, I realized it wasn't what I wanted in this myth, but what I truly needed.  And I had to accept that about Luke. About myself. Like what Yoda said to Luke in the film, that it’s our “failures that are our greatest teachers”.  So continue I will, the process of reflecting upon my middle-aged failures - in the hope that I will be able to work towards them changing me into a better person. Just don’t take it all too seriously. Stay light and playful about it, laugh it off, like Yoda! Now, that’s all I really need to say. I could write a whole book on every detail of this film, but I am too lazy! Nah, thats just not my job. Someone else will do that. My job (as a painter and singer) is to get personal about my own expressions. But here are a few random musings that I thought were significant and important enough, to temporarily overcome my laziness: The Child From The Stable The child from a stable who uses The Force on the broom represents the new hope of the new world Rey will help build. Interesting to note the archetypal power here, Jesus was born in a manger. Very apt for a Christmas movie release! Anyhow, The child now has the chance to help build a better world. But be warned, this child too might fail. But that will never be the end of the story for any generation, because like the Christ figure, there will be no final victory for evil as long as people are willing to sacrifice themselves out of love and compassion for the suffering - for the greater good. That’s what Luke did (again), in the end. Oh btw, I’m not being religious here, I’m talking about the poetic symbolism of the Jesus figure, which is essentially compassion for all who are suffering. Again, refer to Campbell on that. A Side Note On Its Spirituality This is important. Star Wars is at its best when it also makes relevant spiritual statements for a globalised world - which George Lucas proved was hungry for some sort of spiritual meaning. Yoda says "There is nothing in the books that Rey does not already possess." This is a very New Spiritualiy idea (intentional or not), that in the real world, challenges the idea that one needs a Church/Institution to find God (Note: this does not intend to mean that one can not find God there, only the notion that it is not the only pace to find God). God/The Force/Creator/Whatever is in everything. So the ultimate conclusion is thus that everyone has it all in them already. All the time. One just needs to listen. All is One. This movie is reflecting movement in the real world to evolve from elitist religion to democratic spirituality. One does not have to give a donation from a pew to support an institution to be connected to the Creator. The Creator is already inside you. Just sit. Cross your legs. Breathe. Listen. One does not have to say a creed, to support a system and power structure (and jobs for those in power), to be with God. God is inside you. Like Luke says to Rey, for anyone to think that only the elite have the light, is vanity. Utter vanity at worst, a selfish way to maintain a power structure to stay employed, at best. I Will Thusly Conclude.... .... with this quote, from this article: “The Last Jedi feels like a movie young George Lucas, passionate and bold, would have made. It feels like a proper Star Wars movie by refusing to feel like a Star Wars movie.” But you have to understand, a young George Lucas wouldn’t have cared about what an older George Lucas would have thought in terms of “The Rules.”. George Lucas said this film was “beautifully made”, btw.    I do hope you enjoyed. These are just the ramblings of someone who is infinitely fascinated by the ever elusive and mysterious power of art.  20th century American conceptual and abstract artist Marcel Duchamp famously said, “I consider taste – bad or good – the greatest enemy of art.” Rian Johnson has taken our tastes and ripped them to shreds, to give his work life. So bravo Mr. Johnson, I believe you have made a real work of art. You have torn us apart in ever way that a Star Wars film probably could, but you have shown us how to put ourselves back together again. I may never forgive you for what you did to my precious Luke, but I will certainly try to be a better old man because you did.   - Din P.S. If I truly have any real let down, it’s that the theme of non-violence has been abandoned. The theme that Lucas was setting up when he had Luke throw down his saber at the end of Return Of The Jedi, proclaiming. Lucas pushed this point further in a season 2 episode of The Clone Wars, when the Lurmen Chief, Tee Watt Kaa told Anakin, “Only when the Jedi lay down their arms, will they be true peacekeepers.” In the end, this still may be the most tasteless and powerfully challenging statement of all. People would lose their poodoo if Jedi no longer used Lightsabers. ADDENDUM:  Woah WAIT, Luke totally used non-violence at the end! He didn't fight Kylo! He didn't actually use his saber! Meditate on this, I will. P.P.S. I may have rambled on a little.

[cherinyn]

THE MAJOR STORY BEHIND MC5. RESET THEORY & WHY VERSES ARE IMPORTANT.

Chaerin, unlike many MCs, is someone who is in a constant Groundhog 10 days of RFA, going through all the ‘routes’ to learn ‘empathy’ and learn how to be more human. It’s something that I’ve come up with years ago when we had all the Reset Theory going around, back when V’s story was not even in the making. Those were days when Chaerin Yoon had come to fruition after I’ve decided that I want to create something new, but not something cute and sweet, but something that can have a bigger meaning about how society builds us, shapes us, and changes us. Chaerin became that character. Not only that, but Chaerin became a symbolical opposite of Rika. I call Rika a black-winged angel on my blog while Chaerin is called a white-winged devil. Unlike Rika, Chaerin is cynical and down-to-earth, realistic, and she doesn’t want to save anyone, thinking that people need to save themselves instead of relying on others.

Based on the known Reset Theory from 2-3 years ago, I created Chaerin to be a character who will not just change others characters, but who will change herself, based on the journey she’s going through. Chaerin goes through ten days, finishes in 7 different ways with each character who she thinks are valuable or may be able to get her out of this endless circle of repeated 10 days that she can’t get out. Her manipulative and her harsh

Forced to change, look at herself, and understand her faults yet still stubbornly going against the system, MC5 was made to be someone who was a dark-mannered character. She is manipulative, dominant, controlling. A woman who you meet at the higher-ups, a woman who uses her charms and her brains to not let anyone step on her and squish her out of the competitive industry. She is someone who was created to be unlikeable, she is someone who has to shape herself to live in the cruel, realistic world without taking into consideration that being kind is the same as to be strong. No, she grew up in a society that forced her to believe that being vulnerable before another person besides your family (her father) was a mistake and was a line straight to her death. In extreme circumstances and highly competitive world, along with bullying in school due to her young age, Chaerin stopped being a nice girl. She once was, a bit, but she had to crush that side of herself for more than ten years ago.

The current Chaerin is someone who strongly believes that she’s happy and that she’s having the time of her life without any strong connections, making others dance around her finger. She turned herself into a sadist and a dominator, a woman who would have control over her life. An actress in life that never stops acting besides when she has nothing to do and at home, Yoon doesn’t truly know the happiness ever since her family mentally disowned her. The moment her father showed fear before her, Chaerin’s trust in human nature simply dissolved, leading her to think that there is nothing good in the world. She closes herself completely and does everything to be on top of things, because she proves herself she’s the best and the strongest. She feels high of people’s agony, them kneeling before her, needing her, wanting her, but never getting her. All because she learned since young age that everyone betrays and everyone’s selfish, so why not use others for her own gain? However, she does have respect to those who work their hardest. She doesn’t exploit everyone. She’s fair, logical, and strict for a reason. She has a good side inside of her, but it’s something that she actively portrays as her own selfish desire.

Chaerin goes through verses and learns empathy and just general feelings in this order:  Yoosung, Jaehee, Zen, Jumin, Seven / Luciel / Saeyoung, Saeran (True Bad End happens here), V / Jihyun, and then there can be True Good End where Chaerin finally learns how to be a better person. To learn guilt, to learn that it’s alright to rely on others and that she kindness is not a weakness but it’s a strength that she kept avoiding. The end of Chaerin Yoon’s adventure is learning that the world may be cruel, but alone she will never be happy. Her chase after adrenaline, rush, and the gamble is not something that can lead her towards a happy ending. Chaerin learns something new from every person in RFA that she encounters; thus, understanding that she cannot escape from one routine to another without showing compassion and empathy.

Chaerin retains a majority of her memories upon ‘reset’, losing only small bits of information, but never forgetting the emotional weight on her shoulders. The moment she enters ‘Another Route’, she’s on the edge of breaking down; thus, leading the ‘True Bad End’ where she takes over Mint Eye and completely disregards everything possible. 

After ‘completing’ all of her ‘tasks’, she would be allowed to choose an ending that she wants the most. Meaning that she’ll be able to return to the ‘Happy End’ where she feels the happiest in as a ‘reward’ for finding kindness, empathy, and sympathy in herself.

To underline her experience, at the end of each “““route”””, Chaerin dies. You can take an example of Subaru from Re:Zero, where he dies and repeats his adventure. Thankfully, due to this anime, I can give an actual example and not get into confusing explanations. However, yes, she is dying at the end of each story to ‘reset’ (thus, the Reset Theory base). Chaerin is a person who DOESN’T want to die no matter what, so to keep going through death experience exhausts her and makes her understand that she - alone - cannot continue to live on like this. She tried to escape this routine but died again only to repeat things again. Forced again, and again, and again to go through this, it basically reinforces her to understand that she cannot do this alone. She cannot manipulate her way out of this. She cannot do what she always been doing. She actually needs to learn how to be more human and how to bring out the good in herself.

Each day makes her think oh what she’s been doing in her life. It makes her think of her father, of how she’s been treated her whole life, and how drastically alone and scared she actually is. Chaerin would ONLY become sympathetic when she actually opens up about her past and accepts that she doesn’t want to be alone; thus, she prefers to dominate people and leave them when she wants, only respecting those who work their damn hardest in life (cue her respecting Jumin, Jaehee, and Zen without any malicious intent or any desire to betray or use).

That’s why her journey is an immense one and something that can be written off as...hard, forced, but something that normal life would not give her. Chaerin has a story of self-recreation and understanding that NOT EVERYTHING in the world is dark, cruel, and disgusting. Basically, just like V was able to overcome his hardships in his route, Chaerin’s route is the whole journey. Thanks to everyone in RFA, she will be able to overcome her own cowardice and her own cruelty that she created as a sign of her hating the world, feeling betrayed by everyone. 

[kingdomstroops]

How Faith in God Can Make Your Life Better

Making life better with Faith in God

When you are considering your faith in God, not only is it important for you to understand faith as it relates to God, but also how faith in God can improve or revolutionize your life as a believer. And Jesus answered and said to them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will happen. ~ Matthew 21:21 Faith and the Trip Switch Let's start with a simple parable.  It's a humorous story about a motorist who pulled into a service station to have his vehicle refueled. The refueling went off without incident and the driver pulled away from the pump.  However while pulling away, he accidentally drove into a very large pothole some 20 feet away.  As a result, the back end of the vehicle slammed down hard against the pavement. To the dismay of the driver, the vehicle came to a complete stop. Any endeavors to restart the engine failed in it's efforts to coax the motor back to life. And to make matters worse, of course this took place on a Saturday when no mechanic was on duty. Unfortunately, the motorist was stuck and had to leave the vehicle there until Monday, when they would finally be able to talk with the mechanic. Enter the mechanic Long story short, on the following Monday, the mechanic asked the driver what had happened. So the driver related the story about the refueling, then driving away from the pump, followed by hitting of the pothole and then the hard slam of the back end of the vehicle on the pavement. With that information, the mechanic quickly went to work.  First he consulted the repair manual for this 1980's vehicle. After a few moments, a smile began to emerge on the mechanic's face and he returned to the vehicle.  Next he lifted the hatchback and began fumbling around in the trunk area. So what's the problem? After a brief moment or two, the mechanic asked the driver to try to start the engine. So the driver inserted the key into the ignition, turned the key and soon after the engine roared back to life. Astonished, the driver was incredibly happy and asked the mechanic what had happened? To which the mechanic replied that this vehicle was equipped with a specially designed "trip" switch. When the vehicle experiences a significant bump, the switch is then activated and stops the flow of fuel from the fuel pump. Faith is like a trip switch So for us, faith in a believer's life is like that "trip" switch in this vehicle. As the need for fuel is critical for an automobile, so is the importance of faith to fully engage the life of the believer towards God. Therefore, faith in God can make your life better through a number of powerful attributes that faith brings. To begin with...Faith and the Trip Switch Let's start with a simple parable.  It's a humorous story about a motorist who pulled into a service station to have his vehicle refueled. The refueling went off without incident and the driver pulled away from the pump.  However while pulling away, he accidentally drove into a very large pothole some 20 feet away.  As a result, the back end of the vehicle slammed down hard against the pavement. To the dismay of the driver, the vehicle came to a complete stop. Any endeavors to restart the engine failed in it's efforts to coax the motor back to life. And to make matters worse, of course this took place on a Saturday when no mechanic was on duty. Unfortunately, the motorist was stuck and had to leave the vehicle there until Monday, when they would finally be able to talk with the mechanic. Enter the mechanic Long story short, on the following Monday, the mechanic asked the driver what had happened. So the driver related the story about the refueling, then driving away from the pump, followed by hitting of the pothole and then the hard slam of the back end of the vehicle on the pavement. With that information, the mechanic quickly went to work.  First he consulted the repair manual for this 1980's vehicle. After a few moments, a smile began to emerge on the mechanic's face and he returned to the vehicle.  Next he lifted the hatchback and began fumbling around in the trunk area. So what's the problem? After a brief moment or two, the mechanic asked the driver to try to start the engine. So the driver inserted the key into the ignition, turned the key and soon after the engine roared back to life. Astonished, the driver was incredibly happy and asked the mechanic what had happened? To which the mechanic replied that this vehicle was equipped with a specially designed "trip" switch. When the vehicle experiences a significant bump, the switch is then activated and stops the flow of fuel from the fuel pump. Faith is like a trip switch So for us, faith in a believer's life is like that "trip" switch in this vehicle. As the need for fuel is critical for an automobile, so is the importance of faith to fully engage the life of the believer towards God. Therefore, faith in God can make your life better through a number of powerful attributes that faith brings. To begin with...Faith in God Enhances our Relationship Through your faith in God you will begin to know God's heart.  His great commandment is to love the Lord thy God with all of thy heart. This is the ultimate purpose of our being as humans. James invites you to, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ~ James 4:8 Additionally, through your faith in God and the study of His Word, you will also begin to know the mind of God. Therefore, in Romans you are encouraged, And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. ~ Romans 12:2 By having faith in God and being in communion with Him, you will have a renewed mind enabling you to learn the will of God. As a result, when you are following the will of God, your life becomes better because you are now following His plans. Another benefit, having faith in God makes your life better because faith transforms or transfigures us. C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying, I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God. It changes me. ~ C.S. Lewis· Prayer by faith in God will begin transforming your life. Remember, the closer and longer you are near the fire, the more you will feel the effects of the fire on you. Futhermore, faith in God transcends - your faith will elevate you beyond the reality and confines of this world and lift you up to see everything from God's perspective.Faith in God is Transcendent As you are already aware, the world you and I live in is a negative, selfish and self-serving place. Consequently it often seems like God is barely even an after-thought. Even still, the mantra of this corrupt and fallen world seems to be nothing more than eat, drink and be merry. However, Jesus emphatically states in I John, Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ~ I John 2:15 You faith in God should always embraces Him.  Consequently, your back is turned on the world. Therefore, you should no be looking back but focused on the Lord. Furthermore, in Luke, Jesus states, But Jesus said to him, “No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” ~ Luke 9:62 Additionally, you need to rise above it all. Indeed you and I are crucified with Christ and therefore are dead to the circumstances of this world and world itself. John declares, If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you ~ John 15:19 You will no longer be a citizen of this world. In other words, through your faith in God, you will be elevated above what you see around us and you securely lock your heart towards the matters of heaven. The reality of the spiritual realm seen by faith in God is best described in II Kings when Elisha prayed, Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” And the Lord opened the servant’s eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. ~ II Kings 6:17 Furthermore, through your faith in God, your will experience a better life because we, as followers of Christ, become conquerors. In 1 John we declare with the beloved disciple, For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. ~ 1 John 5:4 Through your faith, you will share in the victory of Christ over this corrupted world, our sins and the evil one. Finally, by having faith in God, you will revolutionize your life by receiving Life of Christ through His Spirit.Faith in God is Transformational Your first miracle of transformation will occur in your heart. Here you see the psalmist cried out, Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. ~ Psalm 51:10 Additionally, in Jeremiah you will see the promise of God is, I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the Lord; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart. ~ Jeremiah 24:7 By having faith in God, you will have your heart of stone transformed into a new heart.  Your transplant by God will be transformational. In addition to having a new heart, through your faith in God, you will experience the transformation of your  mind as well. In Colossians, you should be inspired to hear, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him ~ Colossians 3:10 In I Corinthians 2:16 you hear that we have the mind of Christ. By faith in God, you and I believe this and find that our thoughts become His thoughts. You will understand His will and we are bathed in life and peace (Romans 8:6). Consequently, because you have faith in God, you will have different actions and behaviors. We will now act and react in a transformational and heavenly manner. Isaiah declares, Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. ~ Isaiah 40:31 And in II Corinthians we embrace by faith the reality of Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ~ II Corinthians 5:17 You will be empowered, through your Faith in God, to behave differently in this world.Where is your trip switch? Similar to our motorist in the opening narrative, your live can seem on track and has everything ready to go. And like the vehicle in the story, you will appear to be fully operational with a full gas tank all the latest automotive technology, etc. As a Christian, you really need to ask yourself, is your toggle switch, of faith in God, in the engaged position or have you hit a pot hole or speed bump that has caused your toggle switch to be disengaged? Engage your faith  If your toggle switch, our faith in God, is not engaged, you are probably stranded and lost, kinda like that 4,000 pound vehicle. Everything in your life may look good, have all the bells and whistles, but you may be living aimlessly with no direction. That is not the purpose for your life.  You need to figure out how to safely travel from point A to point B and figure out where point be even is for you. Maybe, like the mechanic,  you just need to refer to your owner's manual, The Word of God, and with God's guidance you will release your full potential in the world.  Our Christian lives in this world attesting to the reality of God and his wonder working power in this world. Live your purpose As a Christian, you are intended for a variety of purposes in God's plan. You are intended to have a deep and personal relationship with God.  Additionally, you are meant to be a loving force in this world towards others, be the salt and light in this world against the darkness.  Finally, God intends for you to live a better ...a life of quality, empowerment and transformation. You should now know that true Faith in God will make your life better.  Like with the car, your faith is the toggle switch that allows the fuel or life of God to race in and through your very being.Now go learn about Whole Armor Of God, Understanding All Six Pieces Read the full article

[superdawge]

Oregairu Analysis - Who Is The Finale Girl?

Volume 12 of Oregairu is being called the “the final arc of the series” and it is FAST APPROACHING after nearly two years of waiting. I’m predicting this volume will be the first part of a 2-parter that will complete the series, with a 13th volume acting as the conclusion, and possibly another volume for a side-story or epilogue, perhaps. 

As the story currently stands and where the anime left off, Hachiman’s being in the middle of a love triangle between Yukino and Yui has finally come to a head, and Yukino’s ultimate request for the Service Club to solve is about to be revealed. It seems this final arc will finally confront Yukino’s family issues that have been built up from the very beginning of the series. After such a big set up, I’m excited to see how the three will go about using what they have learned to help Yukino resolve an issue that has pretty much defined her life up till this point. However, what I think most people are excited for is seeing which girl Hachiman ends up with in the finale. I think I know why Watari took so long to dish this volume out.

In the weeks leading up to September 20, I’ve been thinking a lot about who the finale girl should be (perhaps unhealthily so). Everyone has their “best girl” and OTPs, but looking at the journey of Hachiman and the direction and story of Oregairu, what is the most fitting conclusion for this franchise? This is my sort of analysis of the themes and progression of the story, and the possibilities of how one of my all-time favorite tales might end.

1. Yukino Route

I feel like those who are familiar with this genre of anime will be inclined to agree that the Yukino Route is the most obvious choice. Yukino is the first girl Hachiman and we as viewers encounter, and according to Tv Tropes, the First Girl Wins. Yukino is the female who carries the most narrative weight. She is the female who shares the most themes with the protagonist, has grown the most alongside him, and she is the character whose arc will serve as the final conflict of the series. It seems fitting that Yukino is the true love for Hachiman.

Their relationship, which started off rocky, has been nurtured through shared struggle, finding themselves and where they belong in this world together. While they initially had conflicting ideals, they have come to understand and appreciate each other’s sentiments. As a couple, they work. Both are reserved, and have an understanding of the world, having experienced its harshness first-hand. They are intelligent and thoughtful, quiet but honest. Not ones to put up false faces, but also thoughtful enough to be kind when needed. As far as partners go, Yukino is probably the girl who currently suits Hachiman best. Yukino also likes cats, and Hachiman owns a cat, which is a fun little thing to note. Thematically, it is fitting for the two loners, who thought themselves above romance (or perhaps undeserving of it), to fall for each other. 

HOWEVER, there is a problem with Yukino being with Hachiman as she currently is, and that is the fact that Yukino has not yet completed her character arc. As it stands, Yukino is too weak to support Hachiman as an equal. As Haruno has pointed out, Yukino has a habit of putting her feelings second on the things that matter, depriving herself of developing as an individual. Hachiman actually stunts Yukino’s growth further, being a powerful ally Yukino relies too heavily on to save her when she falters. Yukino is too afraid of harming her friends. She is afraid of pursuing Hachiman because Yui will be hurt, and does not trust that their friendship could survive if she allows herself to be selfish. This leaves her with only half-hearted preachings of honesty and changing one’s self, when she cannot even bring herself to do so. Yukino is too weak as she is, and to be with Hachiman, she must be able to defeat this weakness and grow. I believe this final arc will allow Yukino to do just that, but the question still exists... would that make her the one? 

2. Yui Route

If Yukino is Veronica, Yui is Hachiman’s Betty. Yui is the girl next door, the wholesome, sweet dream girl. Yui is Hachiman’s connection to what “normal youth” is like. She is the girl Hachiman has always dreamt of having, but convinced himself he will never deserve.

Yui teaches Hachiman to not be afraid of friendship, that he does not need to be afraid of being hurt, because genuine friendships do exist that can survive hardship. Meanwhile, Hachiman teaches Yui what it means to be a good friend, to stand up for others even when you might lose face - to be selfless and honest. Hachiman is Yui’s best end - she is made all the stronger by Hachiman’s presence. The only bad end that truly exists for Yui is one where Hachiman and Yukino are removed entirely from her life.

Like a cat and a dog, Hachiman and Yui are polar opposites but are able to co-exist. Hachiman should not get along with Yui because she represents the kind of fluffy, popular girl Hachiman used to desire but has been hurt repeatedly by. Thematically, Yui dating Hachiman would show that one can grow beyond their past traumas and create a new future for themselves by looking beyond appearances. Yui’s idealism balances Hachiman’s cynicism, and her energy brings a warmth to the cold solitude Hachiman has resigned himself to.

Thematically, Yui serves as the bond keeping the Service Club together. Her name even includes the kanji for “binding,” appropriately enough. As such, Yui’s ultimate fate heavily impacts the other two members of the club. If Yui succeeds and wins Hachiman, she risks alienating Yukino. I do not believe this will be the same the other way around, because I believe Yui is strong enough and has developed enough to accept Yukino winning. Even if Yukino wins, I believe Yui loves Yukino too much to become alienated, at least not forever. Likewise, if Yui loses and reacts poorly (I do not think she will because she is too strong), she could sour Yukino’s victory and burden her relationship with Hachiman knowing that being together cost them their friend. Basically, for any GOOD ending to occur, Yui must prove she can be strong either way to mitigate the fallout.

3. Loner Route

I’m mixed on whether this is the WORST ending, or BEST ending for Hachiman. It depends on how it’s executed. This ending is where Hachiman chooses neither girl and the series ends with Hachiman without a romance.

I think there is thematic value for this ending that can justify it. Throughout his story, Hachiman’s struggle has not necessarily been about finding love or even friendship, but just finding relationships that are genuine. He has spent years being burnt because how the people act around him have always been insincere, and every time he allows himself to get close to others, they reject him. What Hachiman needs more than anything else are relationships where nothing is hidden, where everyone’s hands are on full display and they can accept each other for their ups and their downs. This ending requires Hachiman to reject both Yukino AND Yui and remain friends. For this to work, all three must be satisfied knowing that even if it is just friendship, it is at least genuine, and that is enough. 

This ending will no doubt have repercussions on Hachiman’s relationship with the girls and both will take it very hard, but for this to be a GOOD ending, both girls must be able to be at peace with only being friends with Hachiman. I think it is also entirely possible for both girls to not be ok with Hachiman’s decision and cut ties, but it could still be positive in that at least Hachiman was honest, and the girls were honest and did not lie or pretend like rejection doesn’t bother them. 

Conclusion

Because of the high stakes for everyone involved, and that one way or another, SOMEONE will walk away hurt, I have no doubt this series will have a bittersweet ending at best. It could even be a downer ending at worst, but after everything that the characters have learned and been through, I don’t think that will happen. A downer ending would be if Hachiman is left in the exact same spot he was at the beginning (alone and unable to trust anyone, and no one caring about him). Anything else, even if someone is left hurt in the end, would at least be slightly positive because it would prove Hachiman has found others he is willing to hurt and be hurt by because he cares about them.

As for how likely each ending is, I think all three have a pretty equal chance of occurring. I can see important lessons learned for all three endings that carry a different message about the journey of Hachiman, Yukino and Yui, and I think any of the three could be a potentially satisfying end. Of course, it’s also entirely possible Watari has something else in mind for the conclusion and I’m totally off, but I think it’s going to come down to one of these three endings. 

I like all three endings equally, but if I HAD to pick one that suits the series best and will bring the most satisfying conclusion, I would choose the Yui Route. Thematically, the Loner Route fits the least because it suggests being honest can mean NO ONE wins, which I think is realistic, but not appropriate for this conclusion. Yukino’s story is about allowing yourself to desire things and being able to make choices for yourself. I think the most profound ending for her would be allowing herself to desire Hachiman, being rejected, but understanding there’s more to life than just winning and losing. I think Yui has already settled her arc of having the courage to be honest even if it might mean being rejected, so there’s nothing too much at stake for her. Hachiman loving Yui, however, would suggest he has overcome the demons of his past and can allow himself to love again, and it would be more profound if he loves a normal girl like Yui, who he has for so long denied based on his past experiences. Yukino’s best ending would be being true to herself, Hachiman’s best ending would be overcoming his past, and Yui’s best ending would simply be getting Hachiman. This opinion of mine, of course, may change depending on how Volume 12 plays out.

Who do you think will end up with Hachiman in the end (if either)? Please do let me know your thoughts, there’s nothing I’m more interested in than how others predict this fantastic series will end.

I am also eager to see if this final arc will warrant a third anime season. Usually one volume comes out to two or so episodes, so at most I would expect maybe 4 OVA episodes to be sold as a special in the future.

I hope you enjoyed reading!

Honorable Mentions

Totsuka Route - Interestingly, of all the characters, Hachiman has shown the most blatant attraction to Totsuka. Hachiman’s attraction is obviously played as a joke, as in “Hachiman hates girls, so obviously a boy will suit him better.” If I were to realistically consider Totsuka as an ending, I don’t think it’s necessarily appropriate because Totsuka has no narrative weight behind him and only acts as a support. If anything, I might even call this a Bad End because it would mean Hachiman has regressed so far into his traumas that instead of coming to terms with his faults, he has simply run off with Totsuka, which I think is the easy way out and doesn’t teach him any lessons. I think he’d certainly be happy, but it’s not a satisfying conclusion.

Iroha Route - Iroha has been pushed as being a “third candidate” for the finale girl, but I don’t think that’s where her story is going. She’s definitely important in showing another perspective of the series’ theme of hiding behind facades to protect one’s self, but I think Iroha’s story has already concluded itself with her confession to Hayama and sticking her neck out and suffering rejection. I think it showed her maturity by being honest, and realizing that her cutesy persona won’t always let her get her way. Her budding attraction for Hachiman is her sign of newfound maturation, but getting with him will not improve her in any way.

[endless-vall]

What if? - part three - Aurynn fanfic

Summery: At the wedding of her brother, Aurynn meets Raydan, who is happily married and has a family with Kenna. She knows it’s stupid to still be pinning over a married man, but can’t help the way she feels. Then, they finally get a moment to talk, and Aurynn gets the closure she needs, as well as an encouragement to move on. Author’s note: This is the third part of my series - “What If?”. Aurynn centered, but mentions Tevan and Zenobia a lot, as well as Kenna and Raydan. Can you guess who the next part will be about? 😄  

Aurynn was pacing around the grand ballroom, greeting people and exchanging fake smiles. Her brother was marrying today, she knew she should’ve been happy for him, this was supposed to be a big day for her, too. And she was happy for him, until she met a familiar face in the crowd. One of the earliest guests was Kenna, and of course, her husband - Raydan. Their children tagged along with them, Adrian hand in hand with Raydan, and little Gabriella - who was just a few months old, in Kenna’s hands. After seeing them, she wasn’t feeling like celebrating, but forced a smile for the sake of it. She knew pinning after a married man was stupid of her side, inappropriate and wrong. But knowing this didn’t change the way she felt about him. It’s not like she was going to act on those feelings, she wasn’t that kind of a person.

Especially when it was so obvious Raydan was so in love with his wife. She thought as she caught a glimpse of him kissing Kenna on the cheek and whispering something in her ear. In answer to that, Kenna chuckled, and embraced him in a tender hug. Aurynn had to force herself to quit looking in their direction, and focused on the party, instead. She caught Tevan looking at her from afar, a huge smile on his face. As she smiled back, she started making her way towards him. “Tevan, I’m so happy for you, I can’t express well enough exactly how much, but i really do.” She said, and he pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay, sister. I already know this.” He said, watching as the wedding officiant announced his wife-to-be to enter the room. “I am most honored to welcome, princess Zenobia Nevrakis of Abanthus!” called Claudius, one of his most loyal soldiers, who climbed up through the ranks in his army extremely fast, and became a dear friend to Tevan. “And our most marvelous King, King Taven Drammir of Fydoria!” Claudius called, and then Tevan left his sister’s side to join Zenobia.  “We gather here today to join these two souls in a sacred covenant, and pay witness to their vows.” He begins. “I’ll go first.” Tevan announces, and Zenobia blushes as he takes her hands in his. “Zenobia. I have longed for this moment for far too long. I’ve often dreamed about this moment, but never in a thousand years i’d think it would become a reality. Since the day i met you, I knew i would have to prove myself worthy of your hand. I was afraid to let myself love you. When the war with you father started, i thought I ran out of luck, loosing any chance with you forever. There aren’t enough words to express how happy I am, how happy you make me feel, and I sincerely believe that if we survived the war among our kingdoms, and still can love each other to the fullest, we are truly meant to be. I’m not afraid anymore, You are my sunshine, Zenobia.” he stopped for a moment, making a grand gesture with his hands, surrounding Zenobia’s face and reminding the shape of the sun, before continuing. “And I can’t wait to wake up each day for the rest of my life, knowing that you are also my wife.“ Tevan finished,  A couple of people from Fydoria’s royal families teared up, other’s applauded. "And you, your highness?” now Claudius turned to Zenobia. “Tevan, my dear, I can’t believe how a few years can change your life forever. First, it all started when the war between the five kingdoms started, and my father threatened to kill you. I thought it would put a stain between us, one that could never heal. The second time it happened, was when I joined Kenna alliance, and was reconnected with you. I will share a secret with you, and with everybody else in this room - If you had asked, I would’ve betrayed my own father, and joined the alliance long before I ultimately did. This is how much you meant to me, even before we became a couple. But back then, I was still a childish, and naive girl, and acted like it. Today, I am a woman, standing before you. You make me feel so strong, so safe - in your arms, and loved. I want to be wrapped in your arms forever. I believe we can overcome anything that would come standing in our way, and can’t wait for our journey together to start. I love you, Tevan.” Zenobia said, interviewing their fingers together. “And I love you.” He added, beaming like the sun. “If any one has objections to this couple getting married, let them speak now or hold their peace forever.” Claudius called, looking around the ballroom, ready to kick out anyone brave enough to raise their hand - a trick he picked up from Jackson. No one did, and Claudius turned back to the happy couple. “You may now kiss the bride.” Aurynn remembered this part from Kenna and Raydan’s wedding. When Will Jackson asked if anyone were to object the marriage. ‘I do!’ She thought. 'I DO!’ She wanted to shout. But she knew better. And remained silent. Tevan leaned down, kissing Zenobia softly. The kiss was longer than appropriate, but still better than Kenna and Raydan kissing like no one was watching - a thing that made Aurynn’s stomach twist in her place. Tevan and Zenobia’s kiss was sweet, and then they broke apart, looking into each other’s eyes, celebrating the happiest day of their lives. “I now pronounce you husband and wife! King Tevan and Queen Zenobia of Fydoria!” Claudius finally finished, and cheering echoed around the ballroom. Aurynn clapped her hands too, putting a huge smile on her face. It’s not that this wasn’t a big and important day for her too, after all. After the ceremony, the party began. Everyone knew both Tevan and Zenobia loved a good party, so this one was ought to be epic. Aurynn found herself a quiet corner, and took one goblet of wine with her, trying to get some peace and quiet, trying not to be a selfish person, trying to move on. This was impossible. She thought to herself, taking a sip of her wine. I am so selfish. She thought again. This was her brother’s happiest day, and all she thought about was her own unrequited feeling? She managed to finish her glass, before hearing footsteps, coming her way. She wanted to avoid people, right now, and stood up, hoping to pass by that stranger coming by. She started making her way back, when the person blocked her path. She bumped into him, he was no stranger at all. “I- Ah! Raydan!” She called, surprised, losing ahold of her goblet, letting it fall to the ground, and brake, shattering. “Aurynn, how are you today?” Raydan asked, taking her hand and leading her away from the broken pieces of the goblet. She knew this gesture didn’t mean anything. Not like that. Raydan was a good person, despite what he sometimes believed, and he leaded her away from genuine concern, but this action managed to make her even angrier. “I- I’m fine.” She tore off her hand from his. He looked at her hand, which she now clasped in her other hand, but didn’t make any comment. “Then why are you hiding in the shadows, when you should be celebrating?” He asked. “I wasn’t hiding…” She started saying, knowing how miserable she must’ve sounded. “Take this from a man who spent years in the shadows, it takes one to know one.” He reminded her. Aurynn sighed. "I was trying to avoid someone." She tried to save at least some of the honor she still had. "Someone?" He eyed her, really un-aware of the obvious answer this had. She stared at him for a long moment, before muttering. "I was trying to avoid you." She finally admitted.  With a shocked expression on his face, Raydan pointed at himself, and asked “me?”. Of course he was aware she had a crush on him. Emphasis on "had". Apart from his first time in Fydoria, when she blushed and acted all flushed all around him, she never really showed interest anymore. Kenna had told him that Aurynn asked about him that one time, but Kenna assured her they were in love, and Raydan figured Aurynn long forgotten about him. Since then, he had met her and visited Fydoria countless times, but didn’t suspect anything.  And this was unusual for an observant man like him. Aurynn sighed again. Well, this was probably the only chance she had. She didn’t expect anything, but at least she could confess what’s been on her heart for so long, take the burden off her shoulders. “I...” She’s made the decision to tell him, but it still wasn’t easy to admit it out loud. She bit her lip, gathering the courage. Raydan understood that. he gave her some time. He was about to tell her “I know-” when she interrupted him. “I need to say it.” not just for him, but for herself too. She can’t stay in the same place forever, and she doesn’t want to make the same mistake with the next person, either. Raydan nodded. “I... I’ve had feelings for you. For a long time. I know i never said anything, and never acted on them, I’m not that kind of a person. But i’m also not the kind of a person you’d fall in love with. I’m not Kenna Rys, and I’m well-aware of that. I’ll never be.” She said, feeling nervous but relieved.  “But that doesn’t change the fact i’ve spend the last few years secretly in love with you.” She stated. Somehow, after saying this out loud, she felt like a different person. Honest, brave, more mature. Like, not admitting it out loud was the very thing that stopped her from moving forward. “And you don’t need to be. You shouldn’t. You’re Aurynn, and that’s wonderful. Yes, you may be shy, but being shy isn’t a crime. You’re also charming, and lovely. And any man would be lucky to be with you. It’s just happens that i’m not that man. It isn’t your fault, or mine.” Raydan told her, putting his hands on each of her shoulders. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was sad, or relieved. Maybe both. She was holding onto this for far too long. Raydan took out a napkin from one of his pockets, and offered it to her. She accepted, wiping away the tear. “Time to let go.” she whispered. And he nodded. When she came back to the party, all she could focus on was all the happiness that radiated in her surroundings, how happy everyone was, and how united. People from all realms came to this wedding, from all over the five kingdoms, Aurelia, The Foundry of the Technocrats, The fire tribe, and even Ducitora have attended. The relationships between all the kingdoms was significantly better, ideal even, but still, it was long since Aurynn has seen so many people from so many different backgrounds gather together. She was glad to see it, and she was glad that today, it was all due to her brother’s marriage. “There’s a fine fella over there, who’s been eyeing you for a while until you disappeared.” Raydan told her, before parting to join his wife. Aurynn looked in the direction Raydan earlier pointed her to. The nobleman was indeed, fine, like Raydan said. Not too much her taste, but good-looking enough to make her question whether she should go over to him or not. In the end, she decided not to. But this time, it wasn’t her shyness entire fault for stopping her. After all, she has just let go of her long lost crush, and had nowhere to rush to. And it had nothing to do with the fact her cheeks were already flushed. “Would you like some wine?” A familiar voice asked from behind her. She turned around to meet Diavolos. “Or would you like some wine from that guy over there?” He teased. She took the glass of wine he handed to her, and clinked it with him, ignoring his latter comment. “I guess we’re brother and sister in-law now.” She said, smiling at him. “I guess we are.” He nodded. They both sipped from the wine. “We’re practically family now!” he almost declared to her, and Aurynn burst into laughter. “oh... I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-” “It’s okay.” he wrapped a hand over her shoulder. Aurynn didn’t flinch away from the touch. “I just want you to know, that my family is very important to me. So i’ll tell you this, just this once. I’m here for you, if you ever need it.” Diavolos must’ve caught how she acted earlier. She wasn’t too good at hiding it, either. “Even if it involves beating someone up. Actually, especially if.” He added. The thought of it amused her. “I’m good now. But thank you anyway, I appreciate that a lot, Dious.” She said, clearly teasing back. “Dious-- Did my sister tell you that?! I swear she promised to never bring up this nickname again!”