#it's a weird stage your early 30s

[novadreii]

Insane that it took me 33 years to work out that it's just logically better to be your whole authentic self (even and especially in all of its unique cringeness, it's imperative to let it all hang out) so that people not meant for you are repelled (good wording from the post I just reblogged) and those who are will be drawn in. Now that I've understood this through experience I can't un-understand it, that's to say I can't understand why I ever thought otherwise. Anyway who knows, Jesus was 33 and look what he went through.

[1eos]

Some kpop st*ns expect idols to live in a nursing home the minute they turned 30.......and I hate how these st*ns are usually the loudest when it comes to age like ooooh sorry that we don't stan 14yo idols who are forced to sing and dance about banging and looking at cookies

and if they send leo to the nursing home im going with his sexy ass. nd what's weird is that you really can't tell the difference btwn hag stans and teeny bopper stans bc the commentary on age is all the same. like the person who was making a big deal abt the mirror is a vixx stan....oh ykw it is? they had a jaehwan header they really think a 30 yr old not acting like a baby means its time for them to wither nd die. when u have kpop brain rot it skews everything like a 30 something could just be standing there and some random will be like 'oooooo grandmother slay' like their parents didnt have them at fucking 49 😭😭😭😭😭😭ik they know 30 isn't ancient!!!!!!!

[hearrtsturns]

Tour - Matt Sturniolo

Pairing: Dom!matt x Reader

Summary: You are going to tour to meet Matt Nick and Chris and things take a wild turn

Warning: unprotected sex (no no), p in v, hair gripping, mouth fucking, public (kinda?)

Authors note: requested by anon!!

————————————————————————————————

You had just bought the last tickets for the Versus tour in Salt Lake City, you were so excited and thanked your parents almost every second of the day

You were doing your makeup and planning your outfit when you get a text from your best friend, who was also going to the tour

“Hey when are you leaving they open the doors at 3:30.” She texted

It was 10:30 so you were probably gonna leave around 11:30 just to get there early so you didn’t have to wait in a long line

“Around 11:30.” You replied

She left you on read and you assumed she was getting ready

You finished your makeup and changed into your blue shirt with the ripped jeans you’ve just bought for this occasion

It was 11:17 and you were sitting on your bed until your mom called you down to get ready to leave

You slipped your old dirty converse on and ran out the door to the car, you were really excited

- 2 hours later -

We just pulled into a parking lot, payed for parking, and parked

We started walking towards the building which had a line of people wearing blue, purple, and orange

We got in line and waited 2 hours to get in

Once it was our turn to get our wristbands I grew extremely shy, but you were also excited which made it really weird

After you got your wristband you walked inside and saw people waiting to see the triplets

You turned around for one second and heard a bunch of people screaming “oh my god!” You whipped back around and saw the triplets walking up the stairs you rolled your eyes

- 30 minutes later -

You’ve been waiting in a line to get in the auditorium for 30 minutes and you were growing impatient until it was your turn to enter

You heard they’re opening song playing and got excited

Once Matt, Nick, and Chris came out you screamed your heart out until they told you to settle down so they can pick people to come on stage

“Okay uhh, wait Nick wanna pick first?” Chris said

“Yeah, her.” He points to a girl in purple with brown hair and she walks up to the stage

“Ok I’ll pick that girl, you see her in the orange?” Chris says

“Dude there is so many people wearing orange..” Matt says rolling his eyes

“Anyways I pick..” he looks around for a moment

His eyes suddenly lock with yours “uh I pick you.” He says

“Me?” I say pointing to myself

“Yup.” Matt says

I look at my friend and run through he crowd to get on stage

Once we are all on stage they began explaining the rules

I was standing by Matt when he looked over at me and winked,

I began looking around to see if anyone saw it and obviously not

We began playing the games.

- 2 hours later -

Chris won but we weren’t mad we were more happy for him

I began to get off stage because everyone was leaving including Nick and Chris but Matt placed his hand on my shoulder and stopped me

“Hey..” he said

“Hi?” I said raising an eyebrow

“Meet me at the bathrooms.” He winked again and began to walk away

I walk to the bathrooms shortly after only to see Matt waiting there, once he saw me he started walking towards me

He grabbed my hand and lead me outside, I was confused when I saw him walking towards the back of the building where his tour bus was.

“Where are we going?” I asked

“Just follow me..don’t ask questions okay?” He replied trying not to be seen or heard. The last thing that could happen is you guys getting caught together especially because the tour is over and everyone is leaving now

I nodded and followed him to his tour bus

Once I was inside their tour bus Matt asked me “How old are you?”

“Oh im 19..why?” You said raising an eyebrow

Matt look me up and down and smashed his lips into mine

Passionately, we continued to makeout until Matt broke the kiss

He grabbed my head and pushed me down until i was on my knees, he looked down at me and said “help..?” with a grin he pointed to his pants specifically the zipper, I began to unzip his pants

I pulled his pants down along with his boxers, immediately he grabbed my head and i was bobbing up and down on his cock

His dick was hitting the back of my throat and i was sure that as fast as he was thrusting into my throat, the whole tour bus was shaking

I was practically crying from all the gagging and moving i was doing, it was just the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat so hard

He dick twitched and he immediately pulled out not wanting to cum just yet

My head fell back, spit was hanging from my chin and i was catching my breath when he grabbed me and helped me up, took of my pants and slipped my panties to the side, he bent me over a table and moved his tip through my folds

I moaned at the teasing action when he suddenly pushed into me, i groaned adjusting to his size

He began to thrust into me slowly and got faster pretty quick, my tits were bouncing and hitting my chest over and over again

He bit his lip and groaned, soon he brushed my g spot and i moaned slightly

“Right there?” He started thrusting in the same spot faster i moaned louder, he covered my mouth with his hand and said “we can’t get caught.” He chuckled

i felt the knot in my stomach build up, “im gonna c-cum!” I whined

“What?” He chuckled “im gonna c-“ the knot snapped before i would warn again

“Do you want me to cum inside you..?” He said smirking, still thrusting

I nodded, “use your words.” He demanded still thrusting pretty fast “God!, oh- oh, yes matt! Fuck!” He released inside of you still thrusting making sure his release was deep inside of you

He pulled out, buttoned up his jeans and “helped” you. The only thing he did was put your panties back and helped you up, you pulled your jeans up and he walked you to fridge and gave you a bottle of water as soon as you grabbed the water you felt paper you didn’t look but kept walking as he was leading you to the door of the tour bus

He let you out and waved goodbye as if he didn’t just fuck the shit out of a fan, as you were walking back to your car still in shock of what happened you looked at the paper it said “call me” with his number “xxx-xxx-xxxx.” With a smiley face

————————————————————————————————————

Part 2?… sorry for posting late babesss

Tag list- @hysteria-things @mattsleftnipple03 @tillies33ssss @ineedchriscock

[hannahssimblr]

tagged by @sirianasims

oc deep dive with Jude Turner

What uncommon/common fear do they have? If you ask him, he'll try to convince you it's something stupid like bicycles or his teacher's pinky toe after the time she wore sandals to class and it poked out over the strap, but actually he's afraid of his own thoughts and dying alone. Speaking of, anyone single? Wanna make out for a while?

Do they have any pet peeves? People who take everything so seriously. Painful bores. People who are obsessed with World War 2

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? Rugby boots with mud still in the studs and getting all over the hardwood floor. Charcoal dust and mounds of sketchbooks, three coffee cups he neglected to return to the kitchen two weeks ago.

What do they notice first in a person? Something in their eye that tells him they know how to have fun and get up to trouble. A sense of humour, a nice mouth and teeth.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? 5. Average, baby!

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? Flight. Oh things are hard? Brb deleting my socials again. Forgot to text back. Oh? Did you email me? Sorry I've been super busy...

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? It's him and Ivy and their parents really. He's not a family person with regards to his fathers side (they are weird) or his mother's Dublin family. He yearns for the peaceful days at great aunt Maureen's and her four adult children....

What animal represents them best? Monkey.

What is a smell that they dislike? Tequila, Weed, Vomit, in that order.

Have they broken any bones? Of course. He got his hands on a skateboard at 10 and immediately tripped down a flight of concrete steps and shattered his arm bone. Being in a cast was cool though, everyone like, signed it and shit.

How would a stranger likely describe them? Wild, manic, troublesome (words taken directly from parent teacher reports)

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? Surprisingly, a morning person. He got used to being up early to get Ivy ready for school when his mom started going to work at 7:30. He stays up late sometimes, sure, but his inner alarm clock always has him wide awake at 7.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Jude is not picky, he's an eater, but don't come at him with those big, wet, brown mushrooms they give you with your hotel breakfast. Not in a million years. Flavours he loves is broad, so I'll choose his ice cream preferences. Pistachio, sea salt, raspberry, cherry.

Do they have any hobbies? Drawing, rugby, playstation, hanging out with friends.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? He is overjoyed! You guys did this for me? Whaaaaat?

Do they like to wear jewelry? Have you seen his cute lil earrings?

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? Neat enough, c'mon, he's an artiste. His pen control is exemplary

What are two emotions they feel the most? Boredom and melancholy (in private only, thanks)

Do they have a favorite fabric? Plain old cotton. None of that poly-whatever shit. He doesn't need to be the yellow-sweat-stains guy.

What kind of accent do they have? The weirdest Dublin/American hybrid. At this stage of the story he's pretty much just an Irish guy who says a couple of vowels in a weird-ish way.

This was fun! I'll tag @lynzishell @elderwisp @earthmoonz @stillgotme @rebouks @daniigh0ul @scrapplesims

[27dragons]

The Sheer Gall

Content warning: Medical adventures. They're not graphic, but if you're particularly squeamish, be warned. Also a solid wall of text, so I'm dropping most of it behind a readmore. Basically, this is a rundown of my past week...

.

Last Monday evening, I popped a fever. Not a bad one, never even got all the way up to 102F (38.8C). It broke overnight, and I woke up on Tuesday with only a low-grade that eased back down to normal by lunchtime.

Tuesday evening, I developed a mild pain that ran along the bottom of my right ribcage. That was weird, but it was basically a mirror of the spot where I feel the pain when my heartburn/ulcer nonsense kicks up, but less painful, so I figured it was some weird gas or something and went to bed, figuring it would resolve by morning.

It did not resolve by morning. By Wednesday afternoon, I was weirded out enough by this mild but persistent pain go to the UrgentCare clinic and see what they had to say. What they had to say was: probably a gallstone, though because of the way UrgentCare and insurance in this country works, they couldn't order the ultrasound that was needed to be certain. But the pain was mild and my temperature was fine, so the UC doc said, "Call your primary doc as soon as you get home and make an appointment to arrange for an ultrasound. If the pain gets worse or you spike a fever, go to the Emergency Room."

Less than an hour after I got home, I started shivering. I checked and -- yep, low-grade fever. I wasn't sure that counted, so I went and curled up in bed (to warm up a bit) and took my temp every fifteen minutes or so, watching the number on the thermometer readout slowly climb. When it hit 100.1F (37.7C) (still technically lowgrade but high enough that I was pretty sure it would keep going up) I packed myself a bag and drove to the ER.

It had gone back down to just BARELY over normal by the time I got there, which made me think they were probably going to just confirm that it was still early stages, not a problem yet, and send me home again. The ER ordered an ultrasound, and eventually the ER doc came and told me it was definitely gallstones but it didn't look urgent enough to operate that night, so they were probably going to send me home with instructions to contact the surgical center in the morning to make an appointment, pretty much like I thought. He was just waiting to confirm that with the surgeon on duty. Half an hour later, the surgeon on duty came into my room and said, "The Thursday operating schedule is already completely booked, so we're going to jump the queue by scheduling you before all the other surgeries, at 7:00." Basically, he agreed that it wasn't enough of an emergency to operate immediately, but it was urgent enough that he didn't want to wait until Friday.

So they admitted me to the hospital proper at about 10pm, and moved me up to the surgical ward. It was very early Thursday morning by the time the nurse had finished collecting information and setting me up with an antibiotic drip while I texted my family and boss to let them know what was going on. At about 4am, they started prepping me for the surgery, and five or so hours after that, I woke up in Recovery.

I spent most of Thursday groggy and trying to figure out how to move when my abdominal muscles had decided to take some time off. My dad drove up to sit with me for a few hours, and that evening the Ex brought the Things to see me. That evening, the night nurse made me get out of bed and take a few laps around the ward, which I didn't want to do (and I stubbed my little toe on the base of the IV pole like five times) but did help enormously with the weird gas pressure and bloating left over from the surgery.

The surgeon woke me up at about 6:30 Friday morning to show me a bunch of pictures he'd taken of the inside of my body, go over the points of the surgery with me, give me my post-surgical restrictions and instructions, and tell me he would leave discharge orders in the computer for me when I was ready to go. I was back home by lunchtime, and honestly it only took that long because they have a policy that you can't drive yourself home from the hospital, so I had to arrange for my sister-in-law to come pick me up. (My brother and dad coordinated retrieving my car from the ER parking lot that afternoon.)

I could tell a bunch more anecdotes about things that happened in the hospital -- conversations I had with the various nurses, misadventures with my IV, overlapping but unrelated other medical/body issues, my selection of TV to watch, and the delusional patient in the room two down from mine -- but here's the thing I want you guys to remember, most of all:

The only initial warnings I got were an intermittent low fever and mild but persistent pain. That's it. If I hadn't been weirded out by the persistence of the minimal pain, my gall bladder might well have ruptured a day or so later and left me with a much worse problem to deal with.

Pay attention to your bodies, guys. It will tell you when something's wrong... but it may not be speaking very loudly.

[sldlovescartoons]

I’m just going to put this out there because I was going to write a proper fic but it’s look like that’s not going to work out so I just want to ramble about some ideas for a bit. For the purposes of this little post, I’m just sort ignoring anything that has happened in campaign 3 and things attached to the plot line, mostly becayse we don’t know where going to happen in the end yet. All things said here just sort of assume none of that all happens. Just in case.

So, at some point in time, Essek comes to a sort of realization that he’s… being stupid. He can’t effect real change to atone for his wrongs as a transient on the run from the government. It’s just punishing himself, his friends, and his boyfriend, and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He wants to get Transmogrification cast on him, but he’s worried that he still might be caught, the people who would seek him out have magic to look in his mind if they suspect his new form. They might need to fake his death.

And then Caleb is like: well, we don’t have to fake it at all.

Because Caleb has a copy of Clone. And so a plan is made, they’ll grow a new Essek, make a spare spell book, and a new spell book to match the his new identity they are crafting, and when the year is up, the Nein will turn Essek in for treason. He’ll get executed, and once he wakes in his fresh pod body, they’ll escort him to the spell circle to start his new life.

The comedy potential in the planning stages for his new identity and form is great. Angst too.

After Essek picks his new name, he starts to insist they start to call him by it almost exclusively, and the Nein don’t want to, that seems weird. Essek’s insistence that he’d only had the name Essek for 30 years, he was barely used to it in the first place, it was no big deal and den members change names all the name because for many reasons, it soothes the M9, but also creates more questions. Like what was your Child Name, huh, hot boi? (He refuses to tell them as a point of pride. His child name was so silly!)

He and Caleb work very closely on his new form and there are disagreements:

On the angsty side: Essek puts forward that with some light modifications and a higher level of casting, they could also give the target the lifespan of the chosen race over the original. They could make him a human in his 30’s and they could spend the rest of both of their lives together. He doesn’t care about living a long time, just being with those he loves and atonning for his sins. Caleb refuses vehemently, that’d be paramount to killing Essek with his own hand and he refuses to do it. He makes him swear that he won’t do anything stupid when the Nein are all gone. He almost calls off the whole thing.

On the funny side: We have Essek, who as a member of a noble den had a through sex education that throughly covered gender and tried to prepare the young drow in early schooling that they could be in, or one day be in, a body much different from theirs. They try to ease they into the idea that might someday give birth, or might have already done so in a previous life. Gender and Body Dysmorphia are covered throughly. Gender is kind of bullshit to him. His form is kind of bullshit. He was acquainted with the fact his body might not always be or have been what it is at a very young age. He is largely unconcerned with how his new form will make HIM feel, he’d get used to it easy. He wants to know what Caleb would like.

Caleb, on the other hand, is trying to reduce body and gender dysmorphia as much as possible after his experience getting to know Nott/Veth. He’s trying to figure out how close they can get to the original without getting caught. To make it easier for Essek to adjust.

Caleb has absolutely no idea how to deal with Essek suggesting giving his new form a much larger penis (because he knows Caleb is a little bit of a size queen) or intersex body configurations (because Caleb likes both, right? He could very be both. He had some cousins that seemed very happy that were intersex or nonbinary.). He turns him down, explains why, but that doesn’t stop Essek’s brain train.

So naturally, when Essek asks if Caleb wants biological child and suggests they could just make him a woman if he did, the other man absolutely loses hugs shit and chokes on his tongue in shock. In take a long time to calm him down and the drow’s assurance that it wasn’t a big deal, he had a soul sibling (he actually used a weird drow word, but that’s what it meant) that his father gave birth to when he was woman and his mother was a man, they married into Den Mirimm to strengthen Den relations! Happened all the time! Did not in fact help Caleb much, he had several questions.

Just a lots of Essek taking the whole much less seriously than most of the Nein because of his upbringing.

They end up make him a male elf roughly his age with very tan skin. They make up a whole amnesia story, Fjord and Jester pretend to find him washed up on shore. They wait 4 months him and Caleb to ‘start dating’ and two months after that to move in, claiming a ‘whirlwind romance’. They are married within the year. (Because fuck them breaking up because of lifespan angst, that’s bullshit and I refuse to entertain it lol.) They get to be happy together and make the world better as a pair, a unit, and Essek continues their various cause they’d taken up well after Caleb dies an old man.

[krissykakesss]

Infectious 91 - Vilis Obstrepere

About: A disease called Morsephaguilous has spread across Ponyville, controlling everypony in its way.. now it's a rhetorical choice between death or going insane. Who did this?

How do you get it?

It starts at the ears. The disease originates from lab bats who were exposed to chemicals. The victim gets it by inhaling a smoke-like smell, or hearing a certain sound then getting bit. To avoid it, you must cover your ears and wear a face mask. After the sound produced has ended, then the infected pony will bite the victim on the neck. There are quite a few symptoms of this disease, and they all come from different stages.

Examples of symptoms from each stage:

Rotting ears

Deafening

Pupils dialating

Grossed eyeballs

Foaming + bleeding out of the mouth

Sclera turning blue

Hydrophobia

Hearing static

Vision becoming sharper

Voice becoming more hoarse

First infected: Marble Pie

Stage 1: Early Infection

The disease is first transmitted to the ears. And then the pony's ears start rotting. The infected pony starts to feel nausea, giving them the urge to fall asleep. The ears feel weird and the pony's pupils start excessively dialating so much that the iris darkens. They excessively smile a lot, in which they can't resist the urge to. This stage seems pretty mild, (it only mildly hurts, but only where the biting spot is) compared to the other ones. To stop the infection, the pony has to stay up for 2 days straight with absolutely no sleep (adrenaline injections, coffee and cocaine can help), and then the infection will start to fade overtime (you can also amputate the ears and sanitise the bite mark during the 2 days to stop it). If the pony succumbs to the urge to fall asleep, then when they wake up, they'll immediately have Stage 2 symptoms.

Sanity: 91%

Survivability: 71%

Cannibalism: 2%

Stage 1.5 (sub-stage)

This is a sub-stage where the infected pony starts to experience both Stage 1 and 2 symptoms, and this is when they are trying to cure themselves from Stage 1. They are now in a very paranoid state and don't really interact with anyone. However, this only occurs if the pony's immune system is weaker than others. This can be pushed through by doing the same thing as in Stage 1.

Sanity: 68%

Survivability: 61% (varies on the pony)

Cannibalism: 10%

Stage 2: Early-Mid Infection

This occurs after the pony wakes up after the 1st stage.

There is now only a 33% chance of reversing it. The pony's vocal chords are being destroyed from the inside. Their sclera starts to turn blue and their iris/pupils are completely black, and their vision gets sharper and better. The infection spreads through the cochlear, and now the pony at this stage is 40% deaf. The pony's eyebrows start to deform and they will foam and bleed at the mouth excessively. Their legs will start to release open wounds, and their senses are heightened.

Sanity: 52%

Survivability: 58%

Cannibalism: 27%

Stage 3: Mid Infection

At this stage, the pony's cannibalism starts to grow, rapidly. This occurs __ hours after Stage 2. Their voice is extremely hoarse at this point, and have to use all their strength to form a sentence. The pony's sclera is now completely blue and their vision is 30% greater than normal, complete opposite with the ears though. This is one of the most painful stages a pony goes through. Then, the infected pony's hoove nails sharpen and grow at a fast rate (if anyone tries to clip the nails, they will grow back even longer). Also, at this stage, symptoms of scopophobia/schizophrenia start to happen. (I guess you could say they start to hallucinate).

They start hearing static.

Sanity: 38%

Survivability: 45%

Cannibalism: 54%

Stage 4: Rabid

The static grows louder. It never stops.

The pony is now completely non-verbal, completely deaf (all they hear is static) and also completely numb. They have almost no control over their cannibalism. In fact, at this point, they start to often times eat themselves. Their eyes begin to bleed where normal tears have nowhere else to go. Their eyes become a lot more realistic, like the ones you see in real life, and the tips of their limbs start to turn a burgundy red. Their cannibalism urges have grown stronger than ever, and their ears have completely deteriorated. The pony now has hydrophobia and is not able to consume any liquids, except for liquid pain. Their vision has increased by 50%, time feels as if it has lasted for over a decade, even though it hasn't. The pony has a strong sense of feeling like they're being watched. Though, it is possible to rip off the jaw to ease the symptoms and stop the excessive foaming.

Sanity: 16%

Survivability: 20%

Cannibalism: 70%

Stage 5: Late Infection

Their opens up, really, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 wide (resembling the urban legend Kuchisake-onna). The pony's limbs are now extremely flamboyant and flexible. They have now fully developed the manipulation skills to lure in other ponies to they could infect them. Their eyes start grossing out at this point, and small bubbles/spores come out of the place where the ears are supposed to be. This is usually the stage where most infected ponies die, via going to a body of water and then drowning themselves.

Sanity: 10%

Survivability: 13%

Cannibalism: 89%

Stage 6: Mutated

This is the last documented stage of the infection. Black roots now grow out of the pony's ear spots. Smoke spores grow out of the legs, and their cutie mark disappears. Their eyes are now really grossed out. Their legs are now a burgundy colour all over. Their mouth (if the jaw isn't amputated) is nothing but foam. Their vision and senses are amazing. The pony now can detect another victim from 10 metres away.

Sanity: ? (maybe 3%?)

Survivability: ?? (nobody knows)

Cannibalism: 94%

There are way more stages, but they aren't documented yet, because most infected die at Stages 5-6. The symptoms are all the ones that the ponies (surviving) were able to document, and the disease isn't very well-known about, because it's only in a lab.

How to stay out of it?

Stay outside, no matter how much you wanna seek shelter or go inside. The infected can lure you into a house, flat or even your own home and brutally maul you

[accidentalslayer]

I'm sorry to bother, but I was wondering if you would be willing to tell me more about cushings because it sounds a lot like what ive been going through my entire life

So, I'm going to take personal observations of events in my life and apply them to the symptoms I've been experiencing. I'm not an expert on this since the official diagnosis is new and I'm still learning a lot of things about it. But! I'll offer you what I can of the things I do know.

-----

🍁 Before I hit my teenage years, I was 99 lbs and looked completely different. I hadn't developed a slight hump at the back of my neck that my grandparents thought was just bad posture (so they would often yell at me for any "slouching" at the dinner table, in the living room, basically anywhere they could get away with yelling at me). I wasn't puffing up in weight and finding it EXTREMELY HARD to lose weight without starving myself (At one point, I became hard-core bulimic because going from 99 lbs to suddenly being made fun of by the kids in Catholic school destroyed me, I started pulling out my hair) My face had definable cheek bones. I didn't have fat underneath my arms that just...hung. I didn't have extra hair growing on my chin.

I used to look normal.

🎃 My periods started off HARDCORE. Pain everywhere. Blood everywhere. I was laid out for at least the first and second day of a normal period and sometimes longer if it was worse. Nobody thought that was weird as fuck. But looking back on it, I should have been getting medical help for that. Instead, I was being ignored.

👻 Trying to piece apart my mood disorder from the long, intense, sustained period in my childhood that started at my birth is practically an impossible task. For both my therapist and myself. But after I entered my late 20's (around 27 to 29) those mood disorders got much worse. To the point where it's become full-blown psychotic depression that I struggle to keep in check with now. There's so much art and things I want to share but this...awful looming wall called depression is currently keeping me stuck in place and I don't even know how to deal, really. My therapists coping mechanisms only go so far when the mood disorder is an imbalanced hormonal issue.

🦇 My period stopped early and presented itself as signs of perimenopause with no discernable cause before the tumors on my adrenaline glands formed. I had hot flashes, extreme emotional ups and downs that caused people to leave my life, and gained even MORE weight than before. My belly became "pendulous" meaning round, with most of it pooled around my hips and lower stomach. Cushings is pure body horror made flesh in my opinion. Not only are you helpless to prevent the weight gain (unless severe measures are taken) but you're stuck in your body while it happens. I could've spent more effort trying to diet at this point but the majority of my life has been spent in and out of foster homes or homeless on the street. It's only recently, in my 30's, that I've found a permanent place of residence.

🍬 In these stages of Cushings, I have adrenaline rushes. They manifest as spontaneous, unavoidable, quick onset of extreme panic attacks. Paranoia. Anxiety. Dread. Insomnia. And pure rage that overtake me. If I can even relax to sleep, I'll have vivid nightmares. Or I'll go to sleep and feel like I haven't slept at all. But try to pick that apart from the trauma, right? These symptoms share beds with PTSD, C-PTSD, ect. While Cushings has no definable reason for happening, some believe long sustained periods of trauma can cause Cushings to just...activate. Because your adrenaline glands were overproducing so much during those traumatic events that your brain/body just decided to never stop.

This is not to mention all the aches, pains, and muscle stress I feel physically as well. I need to take at least two medications to sleep at night at all because of the pain I experience.

----

In short, Cushings destroys your life. If you think you have a hormonal issue and relate to any of the points I made, I would recommend checking it out with your doctor if you can. I don't...really know what your healthcare system looks like where you live. Right now, I'm fighting with the American Healthcare system to just be fucking respected during my appointments.

The crime of being fat in the American Healthcare system is often death or mistreatment.

I really hope that any of this helps.

[tippenfunkaport]

Inspired by a recent poll, could you tell us a bit more about the software you use for writing and the advantages with it?

Thanks so much!

Can I keep this short is the question...

So, for anyone who didn’t see the post this is referring to, I mentioned on another post that the writing software I use is...

4TheWords for drafting (brainstorming, first draft, etc)

Scrivener for all subsequent stages (editing, formatting, etc)

ProWritingAid for a final look before I submit / post

Longer version (and, like, I could talk about this all day so feel free to ask follow ups but I will try to contain myself)

4TheWords is a fantasy RPG-ish writing game where the words you write defeat monsters, earn loot, complete quests, etc. I have been playing it for five years ish and the game-ification just works really well for my brain. Earning silly little prizes and moving the game plot along keeps me motivated to keep writing when otherwise I would be a useless slug so I do most of my early stage writing on there like drafting, brainstorming, journaling, etc. It is silly but I love it and it basically saved my writing life when I was in a huge slump so they have my undying devotion. The company is also the kind you feel very good about supporting and they are HUGELY queer friendly with a big yearly Pride event with many of the main in-game characters being queer and/or trans. (The closest the game has to main characters are a lesbian couple that just got married as part of the Valentine's Day event last month!)

It costs money but a) there is a 30 day free trial of you want to check it out and b) there is a community pool if you cannot afford the fee as well as frequent sales/deals. (If anyone wants to try it out, feel free to use my referral code when you sign up because then you’ll get some extra crystals and I can send you a welcome present of some loot! If the image link above is annoying, dm me and I will give you it via text for copy and paste.)

Scrivener is very robust writing software that I use for fiction, non-fiction and scriptwriting. I only rarely use it for first drafts (bc I use 4TW for that) but I do almost all my editing / rewriting / formatting / publishing in it. I have been using it for probably about a decade and am still finding new tools and features I didn’t realize it had. I absolutely swear by it. The learning curve can be steep but luckily it’s one of the most popular writing programs in the world so there are a TON of great tutorials out there. (My advice? Just watch a video of something like the top 5-10 features and then play around and look up stuff as you have questions instead of trying to do the whole long tutorial it comes with.)

Disclaimer that I only own the desktop version. There are mobile versions that are a separate purchase from the desktop version but I don't use them.

Biggest selling points of Scrivener to me are:

while many writing services have a monthly fee, Scrivener is purchased exactly once and you can use it for life on your laptop and desktop AND you can get 50% off that one time price with a NaNoWriMo winner code (this alone is enough to buy my loyalty for life)

it’s incredibly versatile for both plotting and publishing and works really for my writing process (which is, admittedly, chaotic and weird) and has near infinite customization. It's esp great for making story bibles, organizing research, and plotting out larger works with lots of cross references and chapters you need to rearrange

as a script writer, Scrivener only cost me a one time fee of $35 and includes all updates and bug fixes until the next major version (which happens like once a decade). FinalDraft is $250 and that only includes the current version (which changes about once a year) to do the same thing. That’s a no brainer to me.

ProWritingAid is editing software. Like Grammarly but MUCH more robust with a lot more reports you can run. It’s not replacement for a human editor (AI editing can only do so much) but I like it as a second pair of eyes before I post or submit something because it does catch a lot of the basics and makes me feel a little better about sending something out. There is a limited free version and the full version can be pricey if you pay the monthly fee but I bided my time until the lifetime subscription went on sale for 50% off and paid once and now I have it to use for life.

There. That was almost short, right?

[zahri-melitor]

The thing about working on a Tim-Robin focus reread is I’m now staring blearily at common fanon assumptions again and going “now where did you come from”, and today’s target is the weird as hell “Tim doesn’t think he’s part of the family, he’s just an EMPLOYEE you guys” nonsense, because Tim? Tim doesn’t think he’s part of the family? C’mon. There ISN’T an extended Batfamily as we understand it today without Tim.

Tim the Team-Up Robin is like 50% of how we ended up where we are now. (The other 50% is No Man’s Land of course, which solidified the larger supporting cast’s shape that allowed for future additions and had Bruce actually accept that he was stuck with *handwaves* everyone from here on out).

I mean. I just put together a list of Tim’s early-mid 90s team ups, and it’s like: Clyde Rawlins (sorry dude) and Shiva (Robin I); Helena Bertinelli (Robin III, Robin #6/Showcase ’94 #5-6 – Benedictions, Robin #17); Steph Brown (‘Tec #647-649, Robin #3-5, Robin #15); Azrael!John-Paul Valley (Prelude to Knightfall/Knightfall); Azbats!John-Paul Valley (Knightfall/Knightquest) (fun fact, Azbats is literally a canon nickname for him); Nightwing!Dick Grayson (Showcase ’93 #11-12, then regularly from Contagion onwards); Robin!Dick Grayson (Robin #10); Batman!Dick Grayson (Prodigal); Connor Hawke (Robin #25, Brotherhood of the Fist); Selina Kyle (who is really not thrilled about it) (Contagion). He works with Harold Allnut in the cave. He works with Barbara Gordon as soon as she starts giving Oracle assistance to the Bats (and is the first of the Bats to properly thank her for her work! Robin #30 is the first really good Tim-Babs moment). He goes out with Alfred Pennyworth as support in person (Robin II, Contagion). He works with Renee Montoya and Harvey Bullock when their investigations overlap. He seeks help from Ulysses Armstrong’s siblings to get Ulysses back in custody (Robin #19-20). He gets TOLD OFF by Bruce for his habit of just latching on to the nearest hero/anti-hero/villain who has a similar goal and going “cool, let’s work together”. Bruce gets SO grumpy over Tim just hanging out with Helena every time they cross paths and Tim and Alfred actively work to hide the fact he teamed up with Selina from Bruce (and you know that post about Bruce going “I have found a more acceptable partner for you” and showing Nightwing? That’s EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED when Bruce found out)

Tim’s anchoring or helping anchor MOST of the extended cast who we’d recognise as vigilantes under the Batfamily banner during the 90s, until Nightwing and BoP both get ongoing titles and take over handling part of the load. But there again, you have the central trio of Babs-Dick-Tim holding onto relationships with other characters that Bruce can’t or won’t manage, and they’re doing it as a little bonded triple unit all the way up to hmm somewhere around Identity Crisis and Infinite Crisis. (Except for Azrael. Poor JPV really is a red-headed step-child and nobody wants to play with him).

And then I recall that your average fanon Batfamily fan can identify only about half this list and is probably extremely confused by why Selina really doesn’t want to be teaming up with Tim back in the 90s and doesn’t realise that Tim had a close working relationship with HELENA before he had one with Dick. (I’d forgotten that Tim and Helena were at “team up every time we cross paths” stage before Prodigal happened and Dick decided that he had a new little brother now, thank you very much, until I mapped all this out)

[vitiligo-is-not-a-trend]

Happy holidays! First off I want to thank you for your account! I don’t have vitiligo, and I don’t know much about the condition outside of a few interactions with people irl and a couple figures in the media (ie. Michael Jackson, and Winnie Harlow). I still have more research to do; reading/listening to people’s personal vitiligo stories has helped, but your account has also been a really helpful guide!

I was wondering if you’d be willing to give some feedback on a character I’m creating. She’s a Black woman in her late 20s (maybe early 30s?) named Pam (her full name is Patricia Ann Miller, but she likes going by the acronym of her name). Right now, I’m thinking of making her an actress or photographer depending on how her storyline pans out. Here is her design for reference:

I was watching movies from the Golden Age of Hollywood era when I created her, so her main design inspirations were Dorothy Dandridge, Marilyn Monroe, etc.

For now, my main question is what do you think of her design, especially her pink hair? I ask this bc I saw an ask on a different account where the responding person said it seemed like the asker was trying to make their character appear “extra special” by giving their character two recessive genetics (albinism and heterochromia). Pam’s hair isn’t natural, just dyed, but I know vitiligo can already make a character physically stand out, so I didn’t want my design to come off that way.

I love pink-haired characters and making them, though I’ve never seen a pink-haired character with vitiligo (or many mainstream ones with vitiligo in general, from my experience). I was in the early stages of revamping a character I’d created in childhood, so I decided to use that design. That being said, I wanted her pink hair to be beyond surface-level reasons. Like, I love pink hair, but I think giving her character an actual reason to dye her hair, like expressing her creativity, could remove semblances of superficiality.

I have another inquiry(s) about her in-progress storyline to make her well-rounded (which would give more context to her character and overall design), but I think it may be too long for an ask 😅. If it’s ok with you, I’d be interested in messaging it to you!

Happy holidays to you as well!

My only real comment is "OH MY GOD SHE"S SO CUTE!!!"

Personally I don't see anything wrong with a character with vitiligo dying their hair! I think that since it's an active choice that the character is making as opposed to a thing the designer is doing to make them more "special" it's fine!

You mentioned wanting some beyond surface-level reasons for her hair dyed, and honestly I think it's fine if it's surface level! Sometimes you just want cute hair, personally I LOVE dying mine! But here are some questions/suggestions to think about if you want a deeper meaning: Did she dye it to hide some vitiligo streaks? Was it as a confidence booster? Did she start doing it to try to distract from the vitiligo?

There's nothing wrong with wanting or having a character standout; it really depends on the context/reasoning behind why if that makes sense? Like it's perfectly fine to have a character stand out or be "extra unique" in their appearance by giving them like vitiligo and heterochromia (Which I find to be overdone/a bit stereotypical but I digress), as long as like there's Awareness(tm) and it's not being done as some weird surface level diversity or whatever lmao

Also thank you for taking such care into the representation of your character! <3

Feel free to contact me or send in long or multiple asks! (If I take a while to respond it's 100% on me lmao)

[dissvicious]

Please I need to know everything about the gender identity of every member of the D. Clown family!!!!!! It's the most important thing ever I need to know!!!! (I may have unintentionally created some vague hc in my head about that but I need to know the real thing!)

I got you. Drop your HC whenever you want, pal !

THE D.CLOWN FAMILY GENDER IDENTITIES

Long story short : they are all genderfuck messes, even if the babies got a gender assigned at birth, gender as a system don't really exist in this family and everyone share the same makeup.

Long story long :

BUGGY & REDDIE

Buggy & Reddie are both in their late 30s / early 40s, depending of where we are in the story.

So they are like those parents couple who never really thought about their gender identity, but -

You know those middle age "heterosexual" couples that deffo don't give heterosexual vibes but more FagDyke-T4T energy ? Welp, that them

Plus neither of them really are in the label thing, like they both know each other goes both ways but otherwise...

They play with their gender without realizing it, Buggy trying EXTREMLY to give macho macho vibes while putting on make up, doing nail art, having those long brillant hairs in ponytail... he's not like in a blurry space in between feminity and masculinity but at the two opposites of the spectrum at the same time and he DON'T REALIZE IT which is fabulous.

Reddie has sorta "I'm not like the other girl" vibes that may be connected to non binarity, probably would go by She/They if she managed to learn a thing or two about gender

THE TRIPLETS

It's a bit more difficult to say, because they are all still kids at this stage of the story - and as I said gender isn't really a topic in the D. Clown family

Not like "we don't talk about gender no, no, no" but like "yes if our boys wanna wear make up we'll teach them, why shouldn't we ? y'all are really weird 🤨"

But if when they go teens they actually question their gender identity, here what I think would happen :

Skye would question really hard her gender. Being the only girl of the family, with twin boys... Being insecure because she don't have her father's nose despite being his carbon copy... And then, realizing she may like girls as well that makes things even more confusing for her little brain... She deffo thought about transition at some point, but I personally think she would get comfortable with her feminity at the end - not transitioning, or if she ever come out as transmasculine, that they would have a femboy type of masculinity.

I think Blaze would be the most genderfuck of all the family. As for his sexuality / romantic orientation, he just don't give a shit about it. "Are you a boy or a girl ? - I'm Blaze - But what's in your pants ? - FLAMES !"

Rory would probably be the one most attached to pronouns and things like this, his little ND brain can't handle unlabelled things.

Probably would come out as non binary at some point, I think he would go by He/They.

Genderfluid Rory ? Genderfluid Rory.

Rolling their eyes and pointing a pin on their vest : "Today it's THEY/THEM dumbass"

[sillygoobermanlol]

MIGUEL X GN VILLAIN SPIDER READER CHAPTER 3: The Storm

One day before the showcase.

you had decided to take it easy for the next few days with the spider man stuff, you wanted to support Miguel as much as you could. He spent a lot of time perfecting his project and what not. He hadn’t actually ran it yet, and said that he would when the time comes. That was enough for you to get this weird feeling in your chest, like when you almost know when something is going to happen. You had already acknowledged your spidey sense but this was different it was more long term, the feeling felt like it was in the back of your head at all times.

Maybe you were just being weird.

Eventually Sunday came around, Miguel had left earlier in order to make sure everything was ready for his guests. It was 3PM, you checked your phone about a million times waiting for the time to go by. You couldn’t just sit here until eight you had to do SOMETHING, so you decided to go out as spider man again and see what crime New York had to offer.

You grabbed your suit which was still in its early stages, it was all black with spider webs sewn into it. you swung out of your window making sure no one saw you. At first the thought of how high up you were terrified you, but with practice it almost felt like you were flying, the city was quiet for the most part or as quiet as New York city could be. You swung around for a bit catching the eyes of citizens as you went from building to building, then something weird happened.

An earth quake? But earth quakes don’t make things glitch.

You lost your balance and ended up on the ground in some ally way, you had definitely bruised something. You got up groaning rubbing your back, you probably should get home before you got yourself killed. Getting up you quickly grab your phone making sure it wasn’t damaged, with a sigh of relief you check the time, it was 6:30. About an hour to go, you decided to call Miguel to make sure he was alright.

he didn’t pick up

You sigh and web to the top of a roof making your way back home. When you got there you shower and get ready, putting on your suit and cleaning yourself up some more. When you check the time it was 7:20, enough time for you to get there by bus.

You walked into the doors of Alchemax, and asked the nearest person where Miguel was, apparently his entire presentation was in a room he never showed you, great. You followed a few people making your way into the nicely decorated room, the first thing you noticed were the huge red curtains covering god knows what.

You looked around until you saw Miguel, he also spotted you, and boy did he look great. He wore a blue suit that sat nicely on his body and hugged him in all the right places, he must’ve been admiring you also because none of you spoke for a good few seconds when he walked up.

Miguel cleared his throat, “You…clean up nice.” he chuckled.

you tilted your head, “What are you trying to say O’hara, I don’t always look nice?” you tease, it’s not like this was his first time seeing you in a suit, you two went to prom together and it’s one of your favorite shared memories. He scoffed at you sarcastically.

“So, everything going well so far?” you say trying to fill in the seconds of silence between you both, you had never in your life felt this nervous around him.

“Everything is perfect,” he says.

After a little more mingling Miguel stood by the podium reading over the words before he finally spoke.

“I’ve gathered all of you here today because I believe I have created something potentially world altering, my studies have caused me to see life in a different way. You see nothing is ever really lost forever,” he paused. “Because somewhere else it also exists.”

he took another pause.

“The multiverse, a theory that’s almost mind twisting. It’s hard to believe yes, that there are countless versions of you in countless worlds.”

A few concerned looks were shared by the guests and you’re sure you heard someone whisper ‘Is this a joke?’, you gulped not really sure how to take the information you were hearing.

“I have created something that has made it possible to make contact with these worlds.” he stopped looking around the room only to see your terrified face, “That’s ridiculous!” someone yelled.

“It’s not. It’s very true and real.” he said standing his ground.

his eyes kept flickering back to yours making sure you were understanding what he was saying. (You weren’t.)

Soon the curtains opened revealing a big machine, there’s no way he could’ve made this thing himself you thought.

“This…this is the collider,” he said. The machine caught the attention of everyone. “I…I just don’t know if its stable. But I know I can stabilize it,” he said with a hint of unsureness in his voice

And with those words some even left, nobody really had a good feeling about it, not even you. His breath got heavier, he was starting to panic, “Please just, listen to me.” he pleaded but nobody really wanted to hear it, this is when you felt the need to intervene. But his next words sent shivers down your spine,

“you’re all fools, all of you. We could have everything thanks to this yet you’re scared of it just because you don’t understand it.” he stepped away to the side, he sounded angry and at this point people were leaving quickly.

You ran to him, his fingers were in his hair and he looked almost broken. “Miguel.” you said but he stopped you, “You probably think I’m crazy too.” he spat, but his voice broke mid sentence.

You had never really seen Miguel cry like this. he covered his face with both of his hands so you wouldn’t see him. He hated feeling so powerless, he hated looking weak in front of you.

“Hey look at me,” you said pulling his hands away from his face. “I don’t think your crazy, this is just…hard to take in.” you said softly.

Before he could respond you felt your spider sense, your stomach felt as if it had sunken to the floor. You turned around to see a man about three times your size, he wore a black suit and a fake smile.

“Miguel? Miguel O’hara?” he said with a tone almost as if he knew Miguel.

“Yes, that’s me.” Miguel responded clearing his throat.

“Your machine, its incredible. I’m Wilson grant, I think your collider could do great things, Miguel.” He said holding out a hand, Miguel shook his hand hesitantly.

“well you’d be the first,” Miguel said.

“I’d like to make an offer with you.”

“And that is…?” Miguel tilted his head.

“I want to buy your collider.” he said, composure friendly yet unsettling. You looked at Miguel and you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“No, I’m sorry. My collider isn’t for sale,” Miguel stated firmly,

“I offer you more money then someone your age could ever imagine.” Wilson persuaded, his friendly attitude not being able to keep up for long.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve worked too hard on this,” Miguel said rubbing his nose bridge. “The answers no, Mr. Grant,”

Wilson’s whole demeanor changed, “Well, that’s your choice then.” he huffed, “But you’ll regret it, O’hara.” he smiled once more before turning around and leaving.

“What the hell was that?” you say looking back at Miguel,

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just wanna get out of here.” Miguel started to walk away, probably to his lab to collect his things. You stayed where you were a little while longer admiring the machine before you caught up with him.

The two of you waited at the bus stop, it was quiet. The cold wind brushed up against your face, and neither one of you spoke. Miguel was still upset but he kept a stone cold face to hide it but you knew him long enough to know it was bullshit. you needed to talk to him you had so many questions, claiming the existence of the multiverse was crazy. You took a breath before speaking,

“Do you wanna talk about it?” you say softly.

“No.”

“Come on Miguel, really? A lot of shit happened back there.”

He grumbled at your tone.

“Just drop it, alright?” he said bitterly

“If you..” you paused rethinking what you were about to propose, “If you tell me something then I’ll tell you something.” you said hesitantly.

“What do you have to tell me that’s so valuable, huh?” he spat.

“It’s….just. you’re not the only one that’s going though something crazy.” you mumbled.

“Okay then, what do you wanna know?” he sighed.

“How do you know for sure this works, your collider?” you looked up at him.

“I know because I’ve seen it, that earth quake from today was more then just an earth quake.”

“What?” you say trying to process what he said, “Then what was it..?” you question.

“It’s your turn.” he nudged

you sighed not sure if you should say anything about spider man, but you thought it was time he knew.

“That day, at Alchemax…” you pause, the mention of Alchemax got Miguel’s attention, he looked at you with concern.

“When you found me in that weird spider room, I was bitten by one. And like ever since weird shit has been happening.” you explained.

“Weird shit like what..?”

“Like spider man shit.” you whisper.

Miguel took a deep breath, you once again couldn’t tell what was going through his head. “So, you’re..?” he did a gesture with his hands. “Spider man, THE spider man.”

you nodded looking down at the wet pavement. “I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn’t know how-” he cut you off.

“Prove it.” he said,

“Come on really, my word isn’t enough?” you say,

“I believe you, I just want to see.” he says.

You took a deep breath and rolled your eyes at him, taking your hands you shot a web at him. He looked down at his shirt in disbelief, “Holy shit…” he said under his breath.

“So my best friends a super hero..?” he said

“I’m not a super hero, Miguel. I’m just some unlucky fuck that got bit by a spider, and I’m terrified.” you mumble,

“Hey, I’m just glad you told me.” he said softly, It went quiet for a few more seconds.

“I know everything’s all fucked right now. but we’re gonna figure it out, yeah?”

you nod still looking at the ground, “Yeah.”

“Look at me,” he lifted your face up to his. “It’s going to be alright, chico dulce.”

Then Miguel did something he had never done before, he kissed you. You didn’t know how to feel he had been your best friend for years and you haven’t really thought that he might’ve loved you like that? Maybe it was just the adrenaline or maybe instinct but you kissed him back. He started getting touchy you pushed his hands away reminding him that you two were still at the bus stop.

he cleared his throat, “I’m sorry I don’t know what wrong with me.”

You didn’t even know what to say, this was random but you didn’t exactly hate it. Your mind was now super fuzzy.

“mhm, yup.” you stick up a thumb with a dumb smile on your face.

Miguel laughed at you, he had genuinely never seen you so speechless. Maybe he should kiss you more?

The bus came and you immediately entered the bus trying to runaway from the awkwardness of the situation.

The collider was dangerous, but you didn’t know that.

About two weeks went by, and you and Miguel started exploring a more romantic side of your relationship. You two even went on a date, but had no clue what to talk about since you already knew each other so well, Miguel had even started to up it with the pet names, and calling you and handsome and pretty whenever he could, who knew the guy was so lovey? Miguel had also laid back on the collider stuff although he still worked on it, he was sure that the world would come around some day.

It was nice now knowing Miguel knew you were spider man, you didn’t have to hide your abilities from him anymore, he even helped you train even though he was not quiet about how much he disliked you fighting. You were getting praised as spider man, the media just couldn’t shut up about how amazing you were and neither did Miguel.

Miguel still worked at Alchemax, you had no idea how he could still walk into the place after everything that happened but he did, and that just showed how brave he was. He was working on a few gadgets for your suit to make it better, those being a proper web shooter and stun weapons.

One particularly chilly night, while Miguel was working you decided to go out into the city as spider man again. Miguel had designed a radio for you that intercepted with police ones so you’d know if anything was happening, nothing too crazy you thought as you listened on the rooftop of your apartment. Soon you decided to web around, going from building to building looking down at the loud traffic below you.

You found another building to perch on, you sat down criss cross on the edge looking around.

You heard a loud roar, one that might have shaken the streets.

You watched as panic set in on the streets below you, standing up you look around frantically. In the distance you see an orange glow,

it was coming from Alchemax.

You didn’t even think all you did was try to get there as soon as possible.

The building was in flames people pouring out and choking on the thick smoke. You scanned the crowd looking for even a sign of Miguel, but you were interrupted by another ear piercing roar. your head whipped around, you hadn’t seen anything like it and all you could make out of it is the fact that it was big, it stood in the rubble of Alchemax digging like it was looking for something or SOMEONE.

You were frozen you didn’t know what to think or do, this monster could have killed Miguel for all you know. It growled the frustration on it’s face obvious before it flew away.

You saw Miguel. He was limping, he was ALIVE.

you rushed over, and you could see the relief on his face when he saw you too. he looked weak, his hand over his shoulder and broken glasses on his face.

“Miguel!” you scream with panic in your voice, saying his name let smoke fill your lungs.

There was a small distance between you both, you tried to catch your breath but that just let more smoke in, you choke.

there was a loud creek above you both, you immediately look up at Miguel, and before you could react it crushed him.

blood splattered your face, HIS BLOOD.

“M..Miguel?” you say breathily, you didn’t get an answer and you don’t know if you were even expecting one.

You run over and drop to your knees tearing away at the rubble trying to find him, the more you dig the redder your hands get.

At this point you are wailing, unable to process what happened. You can’t even breathe but you don’t care, your mask and the smoke wasn’t helping.

Your spider sense goes off, you don’t even care, all you do is sit there staring at the rubble and the blood that’s peaking from underneath it.

“Spider man?” a familiar voice says behind you, it’s the man from the showcase.

He says your name this time, you still don’t move.

“I can bring him back.” his words ring in your ears

“He’s dead.” you mumble

“Not in another universe he’s not.” you can hear the smirk in his voice, it’s sickening.

You turn to look at him, “What are you talking about.” you spat

He gets down to your level, “You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.”

[basedkikuenjoyer]

A very cool one to finally check off the list. I have been familiar with Serial Experiments Lain since I first got into anime fandoms in the early 00s. Even had the first DVD volume in my collection. But there was always other stuff I wanted to finish more and I felt like I got the basic idea enough to like, recognize when something else was referencing it. Know a lot of people who'd call it their favorite and it was easily one of the most influential anime of the 90s.

And now I've finished it. Series is kinda infamous for being hard to really summarize but the gist of it is we start on a schoolgirl committing suicide. Her classmates get emails from her after. One quiet girl Lain gets sucked into the digital world as a result. Shit gets weird. Really weird. Truth be told, the plot is secondary to a lot of cool aesthetic choices and ruminations on the growing relevance of computers and networking technology in society. Coming out in the late 90s, Serial Experiments Lain deserves its modern reputation for being prescient about that. Seeing it properly start to finish today though? What are my thoughts with the lens of hindsight?

It's...quaint. Might sound like I'm trying to be edgy saying that but at about the halfway point that's all I could think. Because it kinda feels like we're coming out the other side. There's a reason a series like Frieren, advertising itself from the jump as after the journey, has been such a blazing wildfire recently. I might have some criticism of specific "discourses" or whatever but on the whole you are seeing something shift as Zoomers take the stage. I think that'll click about the halfway point there. The oldest there by any definition are still under 30 and all. There's only so much culture can reflect your impact...but the more I see that taking shape the more I see the balance emerging. Y'all don't have that little shred of entitlement my generation has from growing up in "good times" so when you get a little older and learn how much you can influence things more locally...y'all like, do it instead of coming up with a bunch of excuses.

Point being, that's kinda how Lain feels watching it today. I've watched us go through the peak of prescience, circa 2014, and then it went supernova, and now we have a world where Facebook is increasingly a graveyard of AI comments under AI images. That specific example of the dead sending messages through the wires...yeah it's an annoying nuisance spam bot spoofing. Social media is a ticking time bomb, advertisers are gonna catch on. Not to go all Dead Internet Theory and all, but it has hit a point a good chunk of it is fake.

Meanwhile a site that tried to keep a bit of the old Internet alive like Tumblr is having a Renassiance. When you grew up with the Internet, you gained that resistance because the worst aspects of its impact were limited by the technology. Now people are learning how to compartmentalize it better. Nostalgia for the days of the corner computer desk reflects that.

Lain was kinda creepy and weird and thought-provoking in 2004 when I first saw a bit of it. But in 2024? This oddly nostalgic comfort food show. And I know that doesn't apply equally because Paranoia Agent is something I have more nostalgia for and it still hits that unsettling tone. I think the difference is Lain using high tech aesthetics so much whereas...you could kinda do Paranoia Agent in any era.

[pumpumdemsugah]

"#something is wrong with younger ppl than just being young." Serious question, but can you elaborate? Are you mainly referring to people in their early 20s today, in this specific day and age, etc. (not combative, this is a legit question because your tags on that one post about the 23-yr-old getting messaged by someone in their early 30s intrigued me).

Hi!!

Well from what I've seen and obviously it doesn't apply to everyone ( tbh I think it's social media brain poisoning) early 20s and younger people have the tendency to filter everything through systematic oppression so much it makes it difficult for criticisms to focus on anything else. All the Interpersonal and normal boundaries get dashed out the window or is a tertiary factor.

It's come to the point I've found myself repeating shit about early 20s people's behaviour that out of context I'm using phrasing conservatives do. I guess context matters but it feels icky when it happens

Generally, I think when people much older than someone in their early-ish 20s goes out their way to have a relationship with them it's a red flag but the fact the person in this story started crying about it like they were some victimised child and not a young adult is the type of insane behaviour I just don't see from anyone older. It's this inability to see anything outside the oppressor oppressed dynamic to the point of abandoning anything else even if it's more relevant and like this young woman, working herself into a frenzy about something that doesn't apply to her

I think covid did a number on a lot of people's skills and now people are too scared or weird to have the necessary re-socialisation needed

I think more than what's usual for that age, some younger people have inappropriate boundaries. Especially if they don't have a job to force them to learn. This could just be a me issue lol but I think because of what's common on social media many are eager to jump to the we're BBF stage regardless of how well you get on or don't have any social skills. All of these make for the prevalence of people much more immature than you'd expect but I'm willing to put on the table that I don't remember my own behaviour when I was younger properly

Sometimes I think this 21yro that joined the bi Les group I used to go to a couple years ago and when she spoke about her sexuality she mentioned how it was inclusive and we all sort of squinted lol I didn't think anyone did that outside social media but more and more I'm wrong because how much behaviour gets dragged off social media into everyday life

My only experience is mostly through friendships and acquaintances. If I ever started a relationship with a 23yro assume I'm having a mental breakdown or I've been possessed by a demon

[andypantsx3]

This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!