#Or else you turn out like your parents
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Thanks.
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#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop nature au#fop dev#fop dale#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#art#digital art#comic#The 'Thanks' after all of that makes me so insane Im not even sure I can fully articulate why#I mean. He got what he wanted. Honesty. Thats what you wanted right Dev?#what else do you say to that#He's spent his whole life being sure he knew the answer. That deep DEEP down dale did love him#Have you ever seen that post thats like“I was bawling my eyes out and somebody told me to shut up and I was so taken aback I stopped crying#I think he was so stunned that he just stopped crying.#or like when you get so upset that your feelings turn themselves off to protect you#is that a normal thing that happens to people Erm. anyway#Sorry lol as someone born to parents who.. should not have had me. Writing dale basically admitting as much is actually really cathartic#He shouldnt have had Dev. He doesnt love him. He cant. Dev cant do anything to change it. Its just a fact.#Hes not 1:1 with my parents they tried their best ig but like. their best was still pretty awful child neglect LOL
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they should've been at the club(infertility treatment centers)
#like guys. be real with me. how many options did you even try before turning to dark magic#nothing about the situation called for all that😭#in my mind they're like 22 and 25 here which makes it all even funnier#guys please just adopt a dog or something😭#nothing about either of you screams ready for parenthood#im so happy adrien agreste exists but the circumstances of his birth are so ridiculous#there is so much gabe and emilie couldve done besides this. they could have done anything#honestly knowing them(<-girl who believes she knows them) im not even convinced the infertility treatment wasnt working#I think they just both were so allured by the concept of a magic baby#they were like six months in and hadn't gotten pregnant yet and were like. well. I guess we're out of options! dark magic it is!#and made it everyone else's problem forever#these two wanted to be doomed by the narrative SO bad#honestly though being a 22 year old girl I kind of yet it. sometimes I see a cute baby and want one so bad maybe I too would use dark magic#maybe emilie agreste was just a girl.#anyway. sorry adrien that your parents were Like This but it is so so funny#anna rambles#ml#gabriel agreste#emilie agreste
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your point about team rwby being the maidens’ liberators made me think - do you think blake is going to have a special connection to the summer maiden? I noticed that she’s the only one who hasn’t been close to a maiden yet
i think gillian asturias is the summer maiden (and this post is hysterical in hindsight. at the time i wrote it, the full-length v9 epilogue hadn’t been released yet so we’d only seen qrow’s section and about half of winter’s – hence my pausing to lay out the argument for salem going to vale next and making a pretense of hedging my bets on the crown being narratively central in v10. lol)
now! with regard to blake and the summer maiden, the common thinking here seems to mostly run along the lines of “…and that’s why summer maiden ilia,” or the more general speculation that the summer maiden will be a faunus character.
to this i say:
it’s a fallacy to conflate “blake will probably have a strong narrative connection to the summer maiden” with “the summer maiden necessarily is or will be blake’s old friend,” and the argument for ilia being due for maidenhood is quite thin otherwise, and
blake can and does have important narrative connections to characters who aren’t faunus, and it’s a weird to presume that in order for the summer maiden to have a meaningful tie to blake, she must be a faunus herself.
to expand on that first point, let’s consider the personal relationships between each of the maidens so far and ruby / weiss / yang:
pyrrha -> ruby’s friend
cinder -> ruby’s personal enemy
raven -> yang’s estranged mother
penny -> ruby’s friend
winter -> weiss’s beloved sister
the takeaway here – other than that if you’re ruby’s friend and someone offers you to become a maiden you should refuse – is half the relations between maidens and members of team rwby are antagonistic. (raven seems likely to at least try making amends with yang in v10, but as it stands in the narrative right now things between them are very fraught.)
it is just as likely that blake’s narrative connection to the summer maiden might develop through a personal conflict between them, rather than friendship. yes?
and, if i’m right about gill being the summer maiden, well—stop me if you’ve heard this one: a girl with a driving, passionate ambition to uplift her people from the ashes of centuries of conquest and subjugation is radicalized by a boy she loves who pulls them both deeper and deeper into violent, spiteful extremism that ultimately harms the very people they claim to fight for, until he finally crosses a line she can’t accept and she says no i will not.
that’s blake and adam but it’s also gillian and her brother. the difference between them is that blake’s red line was adam glibly revealing that the train heist was actually intended to be a massacre whereas gillian’s was jax stating his intention to commit suicide rather than retreat and live to fight another day; she helped yatsu subdue him specifically to save jax’s life, not because she had a crisis of conscience about their movement.
(there is a certain—really irritating—contingent of CFVY novel readers who project their own dislike of jax onto gill and insist that she turned against him because he demanded she ‘sacrifice her life’ to save him, which 1. he didn’t, he asked her to give him all her aura and then bodily shielded her because he’s physically bigger than she is so this was at worst a “if we’re going down together, i’ll make them go through me first,” 2. if gill only wanted to save her own neck all she had to do was rip her aura out of him and bounce, and 3. she explicitly says that the reason she did what she did is because he’s her brother, she loves him, and she couldn’t let him die.)
the point being, gill is still a radical; her soft betrayal of jax revealed her priorities in that she loves her brother more than The Cause, but in no way did it represent a break from her belief in the cause. if the epilogue is any indication, she’s just as committed to overthrowing shade academy as before. (and i think there’s a real chance that her actions will have improved her relationship with jax to some degree, because he believed she didn’t care about him at all! he thought she only stuck with him because his semblance compelled her to do so! and then gillian exploded his mind by revealing that his semblance straight up doesn’t work on her and she just loves him. which, if the twins are on the same page now, cuts down on the internal tension and likely makes them more dangerous adversaries to the coalition.)
but her history, the way she became like this, is eerily similar to blake’s radicalization in the white fang, and i think blake would certainly be able to piece that together. she’s also by far the member of team rwby i would say is most likely to recognize and relate to the genuine pain at the heart of the crown’s movement—vacuo has suffered.
vacuo wasn’t even a state until the end of the great war. it was a mistrali territory. its people were enslaved and worked to death in a systematic and horrifyingly effective project to extract every last speck of valuable resources from the region, and then even statehood was a slap in the face because they were left to fend for themselves in a barren wasteland whose ecosystem had been completely and utterly destroyed.
the crown is a mirror held up to the white fang; blake is insightful and empathetic enough to realize these similarities and see herself and her past mistakes reflected in gillian, but this time she’s an outsider to the movement—she can’t effect change from within or reclaim the true, important work from the vengeful extremists. so she’s limited in what she can do, practically, even as it’s going to be painfully clear to her that the crown is falling into the same trap adam did.
and at the same time, the new white fang will in all likelihood either be in vacuo or show up to join the coalition in v10, so blake’s part in her own movement, her place in her community, can be directly juxtaposed with her opposition to/empathy for the crown.
v9 sets up for this with blake’s advocacy for the afterans—v7-8 do as well to a lesser extent, because blake is still dealing with the personal fallout of v4-6 and thus is quieter about mantle than say, nora is, but like. blake draws a comparison between her experiences in the white fang and with adam and the moral compromises ironwood starts making after the election. it just seems… pretty clear to me that the narrative has been setting up blake to play a pivotal role in relation to the crown since at least v4 if not earlier, depending on how granular the vacuo outline was during v1-3.
so this is a narrative connection i very much expect blake to have with gillian regardless, but… if gill is the maiden…
well, she’s certainly not trapped inside ozpin’s vault/key maiden paradigm! so in that case what does it look like for a member of team rwby to fulfill this narrative role of liberation? probably something like de-radicalizing her and her brother by convincing them there is a better way forward than their divisive, violent, paranoid ideology. and blake is unquestionably the member of team rwby best equipped to get the ball rolling there.
further, blake’s semblance is a really strong counter to gill’s – that’s true of ruby and weiss as well, because gillian has to touch a person in order to steal aura and so agile, fast opponents are going to be tougher for her in general. but blake has two more things going for her beyond the basic mobility advantage, vis-a-vis making it personal:
the illusionary aspect of blake’s semblance will allow her to create decoys, which is a very powerful tactical advantage against an opponent who really wants to grab her, and
blake’s girlfriend is a hand-to-hand fighter, and an incredibly brave one with an intense protective instinct at that.
clears throat. we all remember yang getting possessed in rwby x jl part 2, yes? and blake clocking it instantly? well.
if blake and gillian are meant to be not just foils but personal adversaries in the vein of ruby and cinder—yang’s gonna get got. agile though she is, as a hand-to-hand combatant yang is unavoidably much more vulnerable to the twins’ contact-based semblances than the rest of her team, her personality will make it very hard for her to play it safe and stay back if it comes to an open fight, and there is nothing the narrative could do to lock in that personal enmity that would be punchier than yang being compromised.
even if gill as a personal adversary to blake isn’t in the cards i expect yang to get got anyway because, let’s be honest: do we really expect crwby to set themselves up with a golden opportunity to do a climactic love-overcomes-mind-control scene with the bees in v10 and then not take it? with how nuts the entire creative team goes for these two? after the climactic battle in ice queendom hingeing on yang being able to free blake from a nightmare with the mere lesser power of unrealized lesbianism? do we reeeally believe they would pass that up? lol.
#sidebar it continues to be hysterical to me that the average bees shipper is like#i feel like you guys really let the haters get to you bc every time i see bees v10 speculation from hardcore bees people it’s always like#''well there’s a lot going on but i hope they get a little spotlight. i hope they get to go on a date''#HELLO??? ??#or else it’s meeting-the-parents fluff (the belladonnas) or hurt/comfort (blake chews out raven etc)#which at least bespeaks an awareness that the relationship is narratively important#BUT WHY ARE YOU ALL SO TIMID#WHERE IS YOUR FIRE#why am i (casual bees enjoyer) the one who’s like I THINK YANG WILL GET MEMORY-TWISTED BY THE ARC VILLAINS AND THEN#BLAKE WILL HAVE TO FIGHT HER ON THE ROOFTOPS OF VACUO AT SUNSET PLEADING WITH HER TO WAKE UP#WHILE REFUSING TO ACTUALLY LAND ANY BLOWS ON HER#BUT THEYRE SOULMATES AND PARTNERS AND THEYVE FOUGHT SIDE BY SIDE SO OFTEN THAT AT A CRITICAL MOMENT#YANG WILL REACH OUT INSTINCTIVELY AND CATCH GAMBOL SHROUD AND ITLL BE LIKE SUNLIGHT BREAKING THROUGH THE CLOUDS#AND SHE’LL KNOW AND BLAKE WILL KNOW AND THE TIDE OF THE SEEMINGLY HOPELESS BATTLE RAGING AROUND THEM#WILL TURN IN AN INSTANT#AND THEN THEYLL KISS#like that just seems like obviously something that is going to happen in some form in v10#(also i think raven and blake will get along a lot better than bees shipper orthodoxy anticipate but that’s for another post)
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I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#barcode fucking killed those scenes!!! the desperation and discomfort and resignation!?!!#the fact that Non was textually terrified of dying at the hands of Tee's uncles gang unless he found that money#and once he accepted it and Keng held that power over him did he lean in to kiss him.#theres a reason that even universoty professors are fired for having relationships with their ADULT students.#because holding a position of institutional power over someone like that in a relationship is deeply deeply disfunctional and bad#do you think that if you were a child that felt they had literally nowhere else to turn. not to parents. or friends. or partner.#and a teacher said they would fix all your problems in a room with a closed door and kissed you.#you wouldnt feel obligated to kiss back and offer yourself up in exchange???#because what?? you're too moral??? you'd rather die???#THIS IS HOW GROOMING HAPPENS. ITS ADULTS SEEKING OUT THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN THEIR CLASSES AND HOLDING SOMETHING OVER THEM.#IF I SEE ANYONE CALLING NON A CHEATER AGAIN I AM GOING TO KILL.#ITS STATUTORY RAPE. YOU THICK FUCKS.#KENG MADE HIM KEEP HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM ON. HE'S A FUCKING PEDOPHILE.#IM GOING TO KILL.#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOME OF YALL ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS AROUND. YOURE STUPID. YOURE SO FUCKING DUMB. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD
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>i join a server for systems
> the rules dictate what my littles can and cannot do "for their own safety because they're literally children"
> i leave
#'all alters under the age of 16 must stay in the section where cursing and topics with any sort of maturity are banner'#what if the 4 year old wants to talk about how she smokes weed to deal with panic attacks and help with insomnia#shes not actually physically 4 you know she can smoke weed#and she swears just as much as everyone else idk why shed have to be protected from adult language#like if your littles do thats fine but why would you assume ALL syskids follow that or feel comfortable following that#my littles feel they CANNOT EXPRESS THEMSELVES AT ALL if they are limited to disney channel appropriate content#and theyre not out here like. making dick jokes or anything but when they get angry they say fuck#and talk about gore and drugs and trauma#besides. i think at least half of the people in the world swear around their kids and they turned out fine#we learned to swear when were 10 and swore often to express ourself as a child#most parents ive met swear around their children. not at mind you just around.#like most parents wont. drop a carrot on a patch of cat fur on the floor. and then go to the other room to quietly mutter FUCK#and they shouldnt have to#irl children shouldnt be completely cut off from swears they should be taught the appropriate time to use them#idk im just sick of people providing syskids with literally less agency than they would an actual IRL child.
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unpopular opinion for this area of tumblr, beware+also abuse talk warning
admittedly, all the super casual bashing of saikis dad makes me really uncomfortable, like i dont totally disagree but i wish we didnt just all do it in the middle of other completely innocent headcanoning 😭 its never tagged or warned..
my personal opinions on kuniharu are not as extreme as some are on here, like i think he sucks but i dont think hes a genuinely bad person, he was just thrown into a situation he didnt know how to handle.. he reminds me of those parents who prepare to have a baby and get pregnant on purpose, but then the baby has a disability and suddenly, everything changes.. because they didnt prepare for this unlikely scenario, but it happened anyway, and now they have to figure out where to go from here.. kurumi and kuniharu BOTH made mistakes and didnt handle their genius/psychic kids in ways they shouldve, but its because they werent prepared for it
#i think im mostly just trying to point out how people pretend kuniharu is the devil and kurumi is a saint#but did kurumi ever defend her kid? no.. she treated him in a similar way..#shes a great mom imo but she really isnt much better than him and if youre gonna bash him you kinda have to bash her too#and do you think she ever told kusuke off when she emotionally abused her other son and called him a monster? no#she didnt#and eventually kusuke turned to physical abuse#because she never tried to tell him it was wrong#and yk what#i dont really think kusuke is a bad person either#i think he learned all of his crappy coping mechanisms from their parents#but he took it way further#nobody else hurt kusuo like kusuke did#physical abuse is never excusable but both kuniharu and kusuke think kusuo is above that kind of thing#they think he's invincible so it doesnt matter#which obviously isnt true but thats kinda also what he WANTS them to think.. so..#so all three of them kind of suck but its because their situation sucks#lmk if u disagree cuz i think we should hear each other out#saiki k#tdlosk#kusuo saiki#the disastrous life of saiki k.#kuniharu saiki#kurumi saiki#kusuke saiki#meows post
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Jack: Yeah, he-he wasn't all bad, my dad. Uh, that's what makes our parents loom so large in our heads, I think. They're… a million things to us all at once.
And even after they're long gone, we're stuck with them. Can't help it. They're inside of us. You know, my whole life, I promised myself I'd be nothing like him, but…I ended up just like him.
Kevin: No, Dad. You're way better than him.
Jack: Thank you, my son. And you're gonna be way better than me.
— 5x07, This Is Us
#this is us watch#gonna rb this in a sec to say exactly this but. scenes that could've been dean and jack. scenes that ARE dean and jack. 2 me.#the father son relationships on this show are soo good and rich and they GET the complexity of the dynamic between fathers and sons#and it's the exact same complexity dean has for john. that ability to hold both love and hate for a parent#and neither feeling cancels the other out. they both just. co-exist#and that's what jack (this is us) is getting at here. that your parents can be a million things to you all at once#that you can love them for the good times and hate them for the bad and you'll carry them with you forever#you imagine them to be one way all your life then you grow up and realize oh. they were just a flawed person like anyone else.#or you become a parent and you worry you're becoming like them. and at the same time u realize how hard it is to be a parent#how easy it is to mess up without even trying#and you'll talk to your son about it. and you'll fear you're doing everything wrong#and your son will look at you and say 'no dad. you're way better than him'#and you'll hope that your son turns out to be an even better person#because you just want the best for your kids.#and just. this is a scene dean and jack could've had. another time they go fishing and john comes up#and dean tells him how bad it was sometimes. but how it wasn't all bad. because it wasn't.#and he'll worry he isn't doing things right with jack. and jack will look at him like he's his hero#because he is. because jack loves dean so much. loves the quality time they spend together. it's their love language#and he'll tell him 'no you're way better than your dad'#and dean will do the ol' face pat. like he's done before. like bobby used to do with him. and draw him in for a hug#anyways. i feel fine abt it.#fathers and sons !!!!!!!!!!!!
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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‘the most crucial skill that a good drinksmith needs is listening… drinksmithing is all about having conversations with your guests’
tea house owner!reader energy for real
#my mind shot straight there when siobhan said this in the hsr event#hey guys#what if i just steal the concept of the event and write a continuation?#the reader does spy on people and accept bribes for jobs blah blah blah#but they also offer free therapy over tea!#(but only if they like the person if course) (everyone else is getting eavesdropped on)#…i started writing this as a joke but hey it could be fun#if i ever write a continuation of that fic i might do something like that#high cloud quintet members coming for therapy after baiheng dies#reader helping couples talk through problems in their relationship calmly#i’m a sucker for characters who are very elusive and sneaky and cold but when it comes to it have a heart of gold#‘yes i will expose your enemy’s business blah blah but hang on let me help this lost child find their parents first’#‘oh you’re not being patient? you think your rivalry is more important than this child? actually you can keep the money and leave thank you#[turning to child] ‘now tell me where you last saw your parents’#and with their connections from the various dealings they’ve had around the xianzhou they’d be really good at dealing with these situations#and with regards to the jing yuan aspect of things i firmly believe he needs somebody with kindness and warmth in them to fall for them#reader can’t all be bribery and dodgy deals#imagining him coming to the shop one day to get some information they’ve gathered or whatever#and they’re like ‘shush not now i’m hearing this girl vent about her shit partner’#or doing something nice#and he falls even harder#sorry i have gone on an absolute tangent here#i don’t know what demon possessed me#maybe i will write a part two who knows#that reader would certainly be a fun one to flesh out#r’s random thoughts
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The irony of trying to start a "pain journal" but being too fatigued and having too much brain fog from said pain to start one
#is that irony? idk. i can't think.#i try so hard not to get crabby when i'm in pain like i genuinely try so so hard to be kind and patient#posting this on fb not to make my parents feel bad but also maybe to show them how bad this is#far as i know i don't have scoliosis like my dad. i was checked growing up. but there has to be some kind of curve#and at this point i will not tolerate anyone telling me it's just posture because it canNOT be just posture now.#i wake up in pain now. at the moment it's so bad i was just crying and waddling and pacing#it's my spine right in my mid-back. like where my bottom ribs connect to my spine#trying to stretch. took some naproxen 3 hours ago and it genuinely did nothing. put some tiger balm on#does tiger balm make anyone else drowsy??? or is that just brain fog from the pain?#fatigue and brain fog are things i literally just realized. like this whole time i thought i was just a lazy person#needing to lie down for most of the day unable to concentrate on even fucking reading.#but no it turns out when you're in pain every day all day for at least 11 years it makes you foggy and exhausted.#the more you know#literally drag me by the hair to a doctor because i cannot do it. i cannot be told to just Do yOgA and go on birth control or w/e#if you're afab it's always gotta be your period huh. that's a physician's only answer.
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trying to come up with a way to convey a specific thing about being autistic but it could be misunderstood + then misconstrued to be some shitty thing isntead and grinding my teeth
#like. having to sit there and watch as your little sibling grows up and the pressure ur parents put on them to not turn out as you have#and feeling guilty over that despite it just being a Part of you. does that make sense. the character ideas ive got bubbling w this core--#--idea could be so easily misread bc the little sibling does smth to the older which is meant to read moreso as this shifting of dynamics w#--their arrival than an Attack or whatever else but augh !!!
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i was talking to my mum and i was like “yea i’m really struggling to connect to my peers and even some of my friends” and she was like “well you have kinda been through the wringer and had to mature super fast in a way that you can’t relate to them about” and. yeah.
#she was like ‘ur dad died and you had to get your thyroid out bc of cancer all in the last three years’#ive had ppl be like ‘yea im going home to see my parents and my grandparents are in town and we’re having a family reunion’#my immediate family is my mum and sibling bc everyone else has died lmao#my extended family is a bit bigger there are 7 people there#a lot of them are also just getting their first tastes of independence whereas ive been p independent the last few years so this isn’t too#much of a change outside of just not living at home. which i was barely there by the end of highschool bc of internships n stuff so#but yeah. turns out planning your dad’s funeral at 16 and then two years later going through surgeries to remove your cancerous thyroid does#kinda make you feel disconnected from most of your peers#i do like how my life is going i just also really struggle to make friends n such and usually#feel really disconnected from them and don’t always know how to relate#vent tw#cancer tw#death tw#just in case
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i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.
#ooc. your local bodega kat.#[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other#sometimes it's normal!!#couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said#or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and#then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one#specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why#i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his#bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also#needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic#ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED.#you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and#then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL#LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been#through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it#being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.]#domestic violence mention /#domestic abuse mention /#abuse mention /#murder mention /#[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]
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no-no, I don't think you get it:
Driving out into the sun. Let the ultraviolet *cover me up*
went looking for a creation myth. Ended up with a pair of *cracked lips*
windows down, scream along. To some America First rap, country song
A slaughterhouse (an outlet mall)
Slot machines
Fear of God
*Windows down, heater on*
Big bolts of lightning hanging low. Over the coast, everyone's convinced. It's a government drone or an alien spaceship
Either way. we're. not. alone.
I'll find a new place to be from. A haunted house with a picket fence. To float around and ghost my friends
No, I'm Not Afraid To Disappear.
The billboard said
"The end is near"
I turned around, there was Nothing There
.
.
.
.
Yeah, I guess the end is here .
.
.
.
The end is here
The end is here
THE END IS HERE
THE END IS HERE
#welcome to me being delusional over this song yet again#I hate this song#I hate it because it makes me feel *BIG* feelings but I Don't Have The Words For Them#I know this makes no sense but it does to me ok?#“windows down. heater on” like when your a kid and its cold but your sticking your hand out the window on the highway and your hand is so-#cold its numb but the car is so warm from your parents blasting the heat and your kinda scared cause your hand comes so close-#the passing trucks and it's starting to hurt but you can't pull it back in????? if that makes sense????#looking at a slaughter house. a place that promises death. only to find a mundane mall.#we. aren't. alone.#there's Something out there#we aren't alone#I'm scared of dying. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of god. but disappearing doesn't sound so bad. just... slipping away. never to-#be seen again.#there's nothing there. nothing else. no where to turn. I'd rather just disappear. its ok. I've accepted it. the end is here. that's ok....#(I'm still scared)#(I don't want to be scared)#screaming#screaming into the void#screaming to be heard#the end is so warm its cold. so cold its warm. its numbing. it feels like holding your hand outside the car window too long. it fills you-#with the same anxiety#yet it lures you in nonetheless#I know the end#(this may be a cry for help. ignore it)
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being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩🍳👌💋
#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him#the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong#i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just#so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human#nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too#he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin#i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck#you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out#how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me#you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child#i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me#small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship#i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting#it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years#i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly#i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me#i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space#i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead#i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself#i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult#but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all#when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind#ramblings#vent
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one thing about his dark materials fans is that they will never be satisfied
#the show is done 97% of them i have blocked i can talk shit now#i am SO satisfied with all the artist choices in one or another and my biggest gripe? actually turned out good!#i feel like i can rest then i see people. still complaining. my brother in xaphania REST#bro also complain about something else other than the two shitty parents#im so tired of seeing them pasted everywhere and all the tumblr essay energy spent on them#its been like that since day 1 and i hate it#focus on will parry#its weird that after watching all 3 seasons people are still clinging to the same fandom opinions they had before it started#has it not. changed your perspective? did you feel like you could appreciate the differences?#and if you did or didn’t like them then ponder them? wonder what the process of choice and adaptation was like?#no its just people complaining about no enough daemons#and jumping the gun to complain about the mulefa ‘not’ having wheels (but they did)#and complaints that characterization wasnt identical to text and pullman#grow up fr#who cares i like jack thorne’s take better than the original#i couldve enjoyed less marisa screen time but whichever lady got their hands on her character had fun and honestly i like that#they went fucking crazy. good for her#i come back 2 years later and see that no one has matured past the need for their fav book to be adapated ‘perfectly’ (the way THEY want!)#idk become a writer and make your own if you want it that bad#theres very little appreciation for how the show Was but a big focus on how people think it Should’ve Been#what a fucking waste on the fandom’s part#like. appreciate what you got or go back to pouring over those books
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