#it's a mixed blessing that i'm too poor to go out and do things because socializing more would no doubt cost me more friends

[seb-reads31]

Can I request headcanons for Chilchuck, Senshi, and Laios with shy GN s/o please?

Cautions - SPOILERS, Chilchuck being mean, Nemari the human shield™️ mention, Falin getting eaten, feral Falin, ooc (?) Chilchuck in his part, cursing cause I can

Type - fluff <3

Genre - head canon

Comments - ooooo, I love shy asks and idk why lmao. but absolutely anon 🫶 (don't ask why this took so long I beg of you 😭) slight confession route in Chil's part. Keep in mind that Chilchuck's part is my personal opinion based on how I perceived his personality in the show. Some of you may not agree with me, and that's fine, but be kind with your opinions 🫶

Dungeon Meshi boys w/ shy reader

Laios

He's dense asf

Y'all didn't get together for a HOT MINUTE

But when you do it's so cute omfg

Cause he's yapping on about different monsters and you're just there happy to listen to him 🥰

Marcille loves that you two got together

(let's say y'all got together after Falin got eaten by the dragon but before she was recovered.. mostly)

Chilchuck isn't the happiest though, he's strict about relationships mixing with business so he's a little pissy but he gets over it

Senshi doesn't care ngl, enjoys that he was there for you two to finally get together (he noticed almost immediately how you felt about each other when y'all first met)

Falin when she's finally gotten her bearings is so happy her big bro finally got with you (I'm telling you EVERY FUCKING BODY KNEW EXCEPT Y'ALL-)

With you being quiet you got along well with Falin before she got ate, she even told you about her time in the academy!

You two were close, not as close as her and Marcille, but enough so that she approved and gave you her blessing ☺️

Laios is loud enough for the both of you

When it came to that one dwarf couple that used poor Nemari as a shield he could tell that you were livid

He didn't appreciate her leaving either, but she didn't deserve to be used as a human shield either

He asked you to whisper whatever was going on in your mind to him, then he immediately said it out loud for them to hear

He doesn't entirely care that they're offended by whatever you say, because it's probably justified due to how selfish they are

He's there to help you speak your thoughts whenever your voice is too small, or for whenever you can't put it into the right words <33

Chilchuck

Yeahhh, probably not ngl

For one, he's married

I LVOE Chilchuck as much as the next person, and I want him to leave his wife for me, but it's clear that he still loves her in some capacity

Even if they're more than likely to separate or he's already gotten over her there's going to be a place for her in his heart

(idk what all happens in the manga I'm hella behind y'all but bear with me here)

Plus, he's incredibly strict about keeping things professional

No mixing business and pleasure

If he were to even catch feelings for you, he wouldn't make any advances or accept your feelings should you confess.

But hey, maybe something shifts during your adventure to save Falin (like when the 3 different parties got attacked by her mayhaps)

His first reaction is to grab you and to take you far away from the battle because you're frozen with fear (besties with Falin again cause I love her) cause your best friend had changed so much and is now incredibly hostile

Chil got ahold of Senshi's pan and squeezed the both of you under it

During this moment, he realizes that if he didn't pull you out of there there's a chance you could've died

And so, he blurts out that he loves you, even if you didn't return his feelings

Blah blah blah you kiss blah blah blah you're low-key together now but it's SUPER down low

Again, doesn't wanna mix business and pleasure and doesn't want Marcille jumping down his throat about his hypocrisy

But yeah I'd think he's easily able to read you and can just say whatever you're thinking based on facial expressions

Back to Nemari, he's immediately going off on how it's "inhumane" and "betrayous" it is to just use Nemari like some sort of flesh shield without any regards to her feelings on it all

He's softening up to the party and becomes more relaxed though cause ✨trauma bonding✨

But personal opinion, it more than likely wouldn't happen if we're going based upon his canon personality. He's strict to his own rules, even if he lets up once he gets more comfortable

I think he's cute with a shy partner, especially if they're taller

Gentle giant x chaotic gremlin sorta thing if you will

Senshi

Senshi is a fantastic cook and that wins you over

JUST TRUST ME-

All of you can't deny this, this dwarf is a fucking GOD when it comes to cooking

I know all of you are frothing for some of the shit he cooks

Gordon Ramsay be damned

You both discuss recipes and such, and when he gets the chance he tries replicating some of them with a monster twist 😋

And they're so much better than with normal ingredients??

You tell him about your home and the places you've visited outside of the dungeon, and he listens

OH YEAH WE'RE SWITCHING ROLES A LITTLE

You're shy and don't socialize with him at first, but his food is so soothing that you end up talking with him for hours

Shy where? Shy gone with Senshi

You both are talking about the various monsters down here, he tells you some of the crazier ones he's eaten and how he made them into a soup or smth

He won you through your stomach and his sweet older man charm

He's not a dad but he's got that advice like one?? Step up Chil he's got you cornered 🤧

Either way, perfect guy to go to about some things

I'm gonna say that the two of you got together after the golem thing

Sure, Marcille hated that cause it's low-key unethical but meh, they're sick and he's using stuff to his advantage to live peacefully down in the dungeon

Him being so observant noticed the crush you developed, and made him realize his own feelings, and this man doesn't beat around the bush!

He's straight out with it when everyone else is asleep and you decide to stay up with him a little during his watch one night

He's just straight up "I have feelings for you, and I've noticed that you feel a similar way more recently."

But keep in mind, this man might not've ever dated before while living in a dungeon for a good chunk of his dwarven life

He went outside like, once then went back??

Plus he was working on finding somewhere suitable to place his camp, getting a reliable food source, learning how to cook monsters after leaving the orcs, this man got too busy then got into a routine and didn't even bother thinking about getting into a relationship

But ngl it's super cute

Both of you don't talk much, but he talks for you

You came up with your own unspoken language through your hand gestures

Like these squeezes mean this, then this tug means that

It's just wholesome all around with this guy

10/10 man to be with

[holbrookswifey]

Tag you're it

CM Punk (2024) x fem!reader

Summary: You're in a mixed tag team match against two of the Judgment Day members and after celebrating the win, you and CM Punk have a bit of fun backstage

Warnings: Smut MDNI 18+, unprotected sex, oral (M receiving), masturbation, public sex, slight name calling, major amounts of swearing

A/N: Any CM Punk girlies out there? I need more CM Punk mutuals 😅 He's starting to become one of my obsessions so I'm going to start writing for him too. Don't be afraid to send some requests in about anyone you'd like me to write about! I want to shout out my friend @metallicames because this poor woman has seen this obsession of mine more than anyone else and it's only been a week of this so bless her heart 😂___________________________________________

You and CM Punk are in a mixed tag team match against Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan due to their challenge so you and Punk couldn't resist nor back out. The Judgment Day have tried to attack both you and CM Punk but you both took all of them down and most of them have ran off, leaving you still fighting with Liv and Dominik.

Liv manages to land a few moves on you, causing you to tag Punk in and Dom comes in and fights him. As both men gather multiple hits on one another, Liv tries to attack Punk from behind before you intervene, landing a superman kick on her. The crowd roars in cheers as both of you manage to overpower Dom and Liv and gain the advantage.

You sling Liv over your shoulders as well as CM Punk doing the same with Dominik, both if you looking at each other with tired but determined faces, nodding to one another as you perform Punk's signature move on both of the JD members.

"GTS!!!" Michael Cole the commentator yells into his microphone, the crowd cheering louder than you've ever heard in your life. "CM Punk and Y/s/n just performed Go To Sleep on Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan!!" Pat McAfee also yells into his microphone.

Both you and Punk are panting heavily, sweat running down your bodies like both of you have ran a marathon without stopping. As quick as you can, both you and CM Punk pin down Liv and Dom, the referee slamming his hand down rhythmically to start the countdown. "1...2...3!!!" The crowd shouts and the bell rings to signal the fight is over. Your heart is racing and your breathing has elevated as the thrill of winning the match hits you like a tonne of bricks, the situation clicking into your head. You just won...

As you and Punk find the strength to stand up, you do a quick dap and although you aren't the hugging type, you both hug as well for a short while. You both look down to see Dom and Liv still on the ground, haven't recovered from the GTS you and Punk performed on them both, but the two of you head out of the ring and up the entrance ramp, heading back into backstage to recover from the match.

As the next matches commence for other wrestlers, you're sitting backstage and taking big mouthfuls from your water bottle to stay hydrated. Punk is doing the same thing, but he's only a few feet away from you, pouring the occasional streams of water onto his face and hair to cool himself down. You can't help but watch him do that when he's not looking, but sometimes he looks at you too from time to time, the strong but subtle tension forms between you two.

"That was quite the fight." Punk comments as he massages the water into his hair to cool his warm hot body temperature. "Those assholes know how to fight." You look at him as he keeps chatting to you, somehow breaking your quietness as you seem to be interested. "By cheating." You reply, a bit annoyed at the fact that the Judgment Day tried to interfere.

"That's how they are unfortunately." Punk replies as he unwraps the tape from off his hands and wrists, curling them to loosen the tightness inside his wrists. You stand up, groaning quietly as you stand up and stretch your back, a few small cracks coming from your spine to loosen the tension.

"I gotta admit seeing you pull off my finisher was kinda badass." Punk says full of confidence, almost trying to flirt. "Gotta keep the crowd entertained." You reply, attempting to stop your lips from turning into a smirk as you walk over to the water cooler and fill up your water bottle.

CM Punk walks up beside you, waiting to refill his bottle too. "Is that a complaint, Punk?" You can't help but tease him with words, causing him to chuckle and have his turn at the cooler, the soft sound of water filling his bottle can be heard in the background of your conversation. "No complaints here. We might have to team up more often." He says with a somewhat straight face, winking as he screws the lid back onto his water bottle.

You feel your body burn from something that you can't comprehend, but you straight away assume it's from arousal. You can tell he knows how you're feeling due to how much you two would sometimes unharmfully tease each other while waiting for separate matches without anyone seeing.

As Punk sees you holding your water bottle loosely, he decides to toy with you a little bit and grab it out of your hands, making your face show surprise but then a pout forms on your lips. "Hey! Give it back." You whine in fake annoyance but he decides to hold it up in the air as far as his arms can stretch, making you even more annoyed. While you're pouting, he's smirking, even laughing a little at your struggle.

Your small 5'6 stature is clearly too small for his 6'1 height and not to mention his long and strongly built arms. As you try and jump to grab your water bottle, Punk stands on the tips of his toes, still chuckling and smiling as he sees how desperate you are for the bottle. He keeps up the act, even running around with it until he opens the cap of the lid and squirts you with a small stream of water, making you squeal a little and makes him laugh even harder.

As you wipe your face off, you catch him off guard and grab the bottle from his hands, squirting him with the water too. His mouth is agape and he pants a little as the freezing cold water splashes onto his face and tank top, making you laugh and he laughs too, taking off his top and wiping his face. He then starts to chase you around until you're in an isolated area in the arena, grabbing you by the waist and also grabbing the bottle out of your hand.

As you try and reach for it while the both of you are still in a fit of laughter, he gently holds you against the wall, smirking as he douses you with the water again making the both of you laugh even more as you're stuck under the cold water. "Stop!" You try and say through fits of giggles, but of course living up to his name, CM Punk does not stop until he sees you're almost soaked from the water.

He shoots a toothy grin at you as he walks over to the nearest table and sets your water bottle down onto it with a soft thud, walking back to you, but when you know he's getting playful again, you try to escape but prives to be unsuccessful as he gently sets his hand on your stomach and makes sure you're against the wall. He keeps moving closer and kicks off his shoes until he's very close to you, the playfulness slowly changing into something more...sexually charged.

"You may be quick and strong, but you need a few more inches of height to reach that high." Punk teases as he cups your chin with his hand, the words he chose makes the both of you chuckle.

Before you know it, Punk leans in and gently presses his lips onto yours, catching you off guard before your eyes flutter closed and kiss him back. He encircles one of his strong arms around your waist, gently tugging you closer to his shirtless body. As soon as you wrap your arms around his neck, he hoists you up by your thighs, making sure they wrap around his waist. As the kiss starts to escalate, he lets his tongue slowly push into your mouth. You can't help but let a small moan out, using your own tongue as well as the kiss continues to heat up.

Punk lets one of his hands slide up your exposed stomach and under the exercise bra you're wearing, his hand finding your breasts and slowly kneads it, making you moan softly again. You run your fingers through his water and sweat covered hair, making his grip on your thighs tighten. He pulls away from the kiss, kissing straight down to your neck as he moves both of his hands down to your tight shorts, slowly pulling them down to expose your underwear.

He moves himself closer, the erection encased inside of his wrestling trunks is now very prominent as he grinds his erection against your clothed pussy. You let your head rest back against the white painted brick wall as he grinds himself against your throbbing pussy, groaning softly as his cock aches to be inside you. "Can you feel that? I'm so fucking hard."

You take off the bra, giving Punk a view to remember as his eyes immediately landing on your tits. "Looking sexy there, Y/n." Punk comments as he goes back to sucking and kissing your neck, his hands slowly tugging down your underwear and pooling with the rest of your clothes. Your breath hitches as you feel the cold air nip at your womanhood and the arousal between your folds isn't making much of a difference.

Punk pulls down his trunks, his cock slips out as his trunks fall with the rest of your clothes. He grabs his cock into his hand, slowly teasing your folds to get more of a reaction from you until he decides the teasing is over and puts his tip against your opening and pushes into you with one swift thrust. Both of you mean softly at the exact same time, his hard dick immediately stretching your walls to help you accommodate him with ease and comfortableness.

"Ohh fuckkkk." You groan as you hold on as tight as you can, the feeling of his cock buried deep making you feel like you might lose all of your strength. "Yeah. I bet you can feel me even more now, can't you?" Punk purrs into your ear as he grabs your thighs even harder and begins to pump into you with a slow but slightly rough pace, your mouth agape and your eyes closed as the moans slipping from your lips become music to his ears.

"Fuck your moans are so hot. If we weren't in public, I'd make sure everyone could hear you." Punk praises as he softly talks into your ear in a seductive way as he keeps moving his hips back and forth, the roughness beginning to amplify. As the roughness grows more and more over time, Punk's eyes are closed but his grunts and occasional moans ring through your ears and into your brain like a wave, encouraging your sounds too.

"Mmmh....goddamn...."CM Punk grunts into your ear, the sound of his voice so sexual that it makes the walls inside of you clench around his cock before they unclench, earning a rare whimper from him and a moan from yourself. "I'm so fucking close, baby..."He speaks as another moan follows after it. "I'm not gonna cum in you though, pretty girl." Punk says again as he keeps thrusting at a very strong pace.

"Want me on my knees?" You whimper into his ear, causing his grip on your thighs to tighten even more that they might become marks. "Not til you cum on my dick." He replies, his voice becoming deeper due to how horny he is. As he keeps going, he whispers words of encouragement and dirty things that drag your orgasm closer. You can't hold yourself back as your walls clench around his cock and you feel yourself cum, Punk's cock immediately soaked from it.

"Now...on your knees." He whines as he pulls out quickly. You immediately follow his command, almost falling onto your knees from how fast you climb onto them. Punk wraps his hand around his swollen cock, immediately pumping himself at a quick pace. His eyes squeeze closed again as his hand moves at almost lightning speed on himself, his head tilting back from how sensitive his cut head is every time his thumb or his palm makes contact with it.

You feel an overwhelming urge to help out, so while he's pumping himself, you slide your mouth onto his tip, making him seethe through his teeth. The sounds of desperation are now gone and are back to his manly grunts as both his hand and your mouth are working themselves on his swollen pink tip. "Fucking dirty girl." He rasps out, his voice now croaky as his cock hardens, ready to release.

As you pull away, Punk moans as his hot seed spurts out of his cock and onto your chest and runs down to your stomach, the warmth of his cum makes your body shiver. He lets his softening cock go, his hand leaning against the wall as he inhales air into his lungs.

As Punk's breath comes back, he feels proud of the scene in front of him. He helps you clean up as he uses baby wipes to clean his seed off of you, making sure there was no evidence left behind as you now get dressed as well as himself. He rests his hand back onto the wall next to you, his eyes landing on yours." You're crazy." Punk says in a serious tone but you know he's messing with you.

"Yeah?" You ask, making the both of you smile as he leans in and says in a low voice. "I dig crazy chicks."

[hyog-blog]

Fangs of Fortune (ep. 18 - ep. 20)

I've just noticed the truly abnormal amount of crying all the characters do in this show (like, it's so pretty I'm not complaining, but poor actor babies, I can't imagine the amount of work and emotional turmoil that went into acting all this out for us to enjoy). God bless them pretty people who cry so beautifully - this is truly an art form!

As Zhuo Yichen wisely mentioned in ep.20 "the sea of suffering is endless" - I think it's an actual motto of this show. Like, how many characters can you make suffer in the course of one episode? Quick answer - many, and then some more.

First and foremost - we lost Li Lun! I didn't expect he'd go so early in the series (checks episode count), well, okay, not too early, but I kind of expected him to torment Zhu Yan till the very end. He was such a poor and bitter meow-meow I can't even hate him despite whatever wrongs he has done. Deeply hurt, wounded, lost, and 'betrayed' by his probably only friend. Never even tried to understand his point of view, just went on hurting and hating and plotting his revenge to hurt Zhu Yan the same way he hurt him, and probably even more.

Whatever happened to them was fate (well, at least at this point in the series), but then he chose to follow the path of pain and suffering. Judging by how toxic his revenge has gotten in the end, he must have really loved Zhu Yan. And the irony of Li Lun joining forces with the very people who caught and tortured demons back then, when he and Zhu Yan parted ways. I mean it was kind of narrow-minded of Li Lun to just ditch his only friend so fast. And condemning the whole of humanity just because a few people are bad apples, well, is the same as condemning all demons because some of them are violent. But still, there are those who aren't. What an epic saga of grief and misunderstanding D:

At this point, Zhu Yan must be the saddest Great Demon in the history of Great Demons. I mean come on, how many more deaths and sufferings can he take? (nope, don't answer that, there are still 14 episodes left, I'm sure the show will surprise me more than once XD). I mean, when speaking about being unfortunate, he has had it the worst in the series (he was just 'lucky' to survive long enough to get some happy days and encounters mixed in there as well). But with a countdown of 1 month hanging over his head, I have a feeling things won't be all sunshine and roses for him (again, and again, and again, ah).

"You don't have a heart, but aren't you living in agony, too?" Spot on, Yichen-baby, spot on. I think Zhu Yan's heart might just be bigger than most human's.

Also, how come Zhuo Yichen has gotten even prettier? I love his new look with hair tied up in a bun, official robes and all. He has also matured. The way he was talking about Zhao Yuanzhou merely being the blade of that malicious force and that he shouldn't be punished for what it did through him - my thoughts exactly! The screenwriters conveyed this message so well and I'm happy that the characters also realize this inside the show (still, I have a bad feeling about how things will end for him).

Bai Jiu being a 'traitor' was a fresh take! Cool plot twist. But this is how this Chongwu camp operates - finds people's soft spots and uses either threats or bribes to make them do bad stuff for them. Luckily, no one got hurt (well, uh, not yet). And Pei Sijing has been working with Zhu Yan all this time, yay))) I never wanted to believe that she was an actual traitor, the girl is too cool (and they have a cute thing going on with Wen Xiao, hehe).

Also, I've noticed how in the course of the last few episodes both Zhu Yan and Zhuo Yichen acknowledged each other's, how should I put it, awesomeness? Zhu Yan calling the other guy a dignified gentleman with a righteous heart, unbreakable will, and a character as strong as gold, and Zhuo Yichen admitting that Zhu Yan was a compassionate and righteous demon and that he didn't want to kill him any longer :3 A little bit of honey to balance out the bitterness, ah.

[iheartvmt]

So this afternoon I was chilling in my Mom's little backyard, the whole family, dogs and all, were there because it was my nephew's 8th birthday party (plus a surprise little belated Happy Birthday party for my stepdad and me, who had birthdays earlier this month), the kids were all playing in the above-ground pool...

And a freaking *hawk* stooped onto their TMNT ball, flopped about a bit, and then flew up to sit on the fence like 5 feet away from the pack of screaming, splashing little boys.

Needless to say, that's not normal hawk behavior.

Then it tried to stoop on the ball again, with similar bad results, and fluttered atop an old canopy thing folded up against the shed. We were all keeping an eye on it because wtf? It was sitting a little hunched so I thought "Maybe it's just overheated and dehydrated," and I set a bowl of water next to it. It ignored both my approach and the water.

Then it started eyeing the dogs, tilting its head this way and that as they ran by playing chase. Most of the family dogs are much too big to be taken out by a little hawk, but my two dogs are on the smaller size. Still too big for a hawk to carry off, but if one were desperate enough it might give it a go and do some damage.

Before we could shoo it away, it stooped on the largest dog, Oreo, a 70 lb pit bull/husky mix! O.O

Fortunately for the bird, Oreo was too startled to do anything but yelp, shake it off her back, and run under the table. (Don't worry, Oreo didn't have any injuries, except maybe to her pride!)

It didn't fly back to a perch this time, just sat on the ground hissing amidst the chaos of dogs and very loud humans.

Rin, my newest dog, is an 11 lb poodle mixed with what I'm now certain is terrier, and she ran straight at it, barking and ready to tear it up, talons be damned, but my stepdad scooped her up before she made contact.

I quickly grabbed my cousin's shirt from a beach chair and caught it up (while the other adults impressed upon the kids that this is something You Do Not Do, Auntie is a Professional). As it hissed and snapped at me, I could see it had some kind of white plaque in its throat, and its mucous membranes were bright red, either from stress or possibly stomatitis :(

Then Mom -- well used to animal shenanigans by now, bless her -- appeared with the cat carrier and held it for me so I could get the hawk inside and carefully free the shirt from its talons.

After setting the carrier in a quiet, shaded spot away from the party, I called the local rehabbers on the game department website who are listed as licensed to care for raptors, all of which were currently full. Well, crap. So then I called the Wildlife Center of VA, but it was already after-hours, and I had to leave a message in their non-emergency box (I tried the emergency line first, but the voicemail message has a very clear set of what qualifies as a true emergency, and this wasn't it so I didn't bother the poor vet intern on call). They'll call back during their regular hours tomorrow, and I'll drive it wherever they tell me to take it.

In the meantime, I have a very unhappy hawk in a cat carrier in my bathroom 😬

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[hug-your-face]

Warning: This post contains a lot of speculation and personal musing and should NOT be construed to be "news." It's just a perspective I'm having that is giving me a little bit of comfort this week.

So.

I just found something in my email box from September 2020. That's right, back before we even had the COVID vaccine:

(highlights abt Justice RBG, bless her; and Bidens 2020 campaign omitted for brevity. The email continues...)

(The articles in the above screenshots are currently still up, linked here and here. Full text of both articles pasted under the readmore.)

As of today, Feb 5 2025, both TikTok and WeChat show up on the App Store.

It's just..... interesting. Seeing the playbook from 2020 being picked right back up again in 2025.

I'm not saying I'm right, here -- what the hell do I know?! -- but it gives me a new perspective on all the EO Horrors and Musk Ox Insanity.

That maybe instead of there being a supremely organized force bent on destroying us all... that it's just... Drumpf taking hold of the reins of American government the same way he held the reins of his shitty real estate company: Dirty, conniving, backroom deals, and all singularly focused on one thing: His own aggrandizement. MEANWHILE, every Nasty out there is just jumping on his bandwagon to advance their own cause -- which might be quite unrelated to his own.

If the causes are aligned, he works with them. ("You wanna make lots of money on tech/healthcare/raw milk; I wanna make lots of money too, so I'll ban apps or make you head of HHS, and you give me kickbacks.")

If the causes aren't aligned but are compatible, he makes deals with them. ("You wanna oppress women and the gays; I wanna make a lot of money. If you give me lots of money and financial interests in some of your moneymakers, I'll have my guys roll back protection on women and the gays.")

If the causes aren't compatible, he uses the power of the office to get them in line. ("You wanna compete with me? You wanna shoot your rockets and make your cars? Poor little meow meow running afoul of government regs? Well I don’t give a shit. What can you do for me? Oh, you can win me the election? Okay you do that and I'll give you the government checkbook.")

If the causes are actively hostile or a threat, he'll try to shut them down. ("What's this ACLU nonsense? They're fighting me? I want em dead. How do we do that? We make them terrorists and defund them? I like it.")

And meanwhile he has his people shoot out so much noise and shock, to try and keep everyone off balance and confused. ("Those skinheads are a bunch of great guys! Deportations! Education is bad!") Just look at how he debated Hillary: He was always shooting noise into the air to try and disrupt her.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it's still horrible!

Because there isn't one iota of compassion for anyone in the mix. Nobody.

But for some reason, it's a DIFFERENT PICTURE to me than an army of white supremacists who are singleminded in their desire to dismantle the government and replace it with a dictatorship.

Because it means my enemy isn't really one giant powerful thing that's steamrollering over me and those I love. It's not as committed AGAINST my ideals as I and my friends are committed TO them.

My enemy is a... bunch of feral animals in a trenchcoat. And some of those animals prey on each other! Its a honey badger and a monitor lizard and a couple of pythons and a swarm of hornets and a stingray and some piranha all harnessed to each other by a mass of bungee cords called The System Of American Democracy. And they throw a trenchcoat over themselves and call themselves The Administration. And as long as they can all move in more or less the same direction, yeah, they seem pretty formidable. No wonder they wanna deregulate so much and go around the law: it forces them to work together. It's their Get-Along Shirt and they want out. But they also want the power it gives them.

But oh my god they have so many weak spots!

As soon as one of those feral animals feels the pressure of our resistance, that will put pressure on all the others. Can you just imagine the mess and infighting that would happen underneath that trenchcoat? They have no unity! No common cause! It only SEEMS to us like they have a common cause because they're all so deplorable!

Like I said, it's still horrible. Evil done for no other reason but profit is still evil. Aid shut off or good people harmed out of indifference is still evil. Eisenhower warned us of the military-industrial complex, but not the tech-bro nepo-baby complex. Our country was founded to keep church and state separated, but not to keep money and state separated.

So I dunno. But it gives me hope. Because if we can start showing that all these supposedly Big Evil Causes that are being aimed at us all boil down to nothing more than money and greed, maybe they aren't so scary.

If we can see that we aren't fighting a singlar "Fascism" but in fact just a collection of selfish entitled hollow mean shits with some temporary power, then our fight looks a lot easier.

"Riddikulus!" I yell.

Maybe as soon as we strike a significant blow to ONE of the factions, and Drumpf cuts them loose for being a "loser," the others will start to fight each other. Like that scene in the 1998 Lost In Space. These monsters eat their wounded.

God I would not want to be in his position. Tap-dancing on top of that mass of rabid animals, trying to keep them all in line by playing one off the other and playing them all against the collective will of the ENTIRE American public and even the rest of the WORLD. (Didja see what Canada, Mexico, and China did abt the tariffs? They aren't under the trenchcoat and they don’t wanna be.)

So yeah. I still think it's bad. And there's gonna be a lot more bad. But I think I'm coming out from under the delusion that its unstoppable.

I hope this perspective helps someone else.

Thanks for reading.

Trump Approves Deal Between Oracle and TikTok

Sept. 19, 2020

WASHINGTON — President Trump said on Saturday that he had approved a deal between the Chinese-owned social media app TikTok and major American companies, an agreement that will delay the U.S. government’s threat to block the popular app in the United States over national security concerns.

The deal, which must still gain formal U.S. approval, would create a new U.S.-based company, TikTok Global, in which Oracle, an American software maker, and Walmart would own 20 percent, placing more equity in the service into the hands of American companies and investors.

While the structure falls short of an all-out sale of TikTok, it is still a concession by ByteDance, TikTok’s Chinese owner — one that has apparently satisfied the administration’s concerns about China’s ability to harness data from users of the app. The Commerce Department, which planned to bar TikTok from U.S. app stores as of midnight Sunday, said that it would delay that plan for one week.

The deal capped weeks of drama over the fate of TikTok that underscored how much relations between the United States and China have deteriorated, with their race for technological superiority and their mutual suspicions extending to a social media platform known for silly video clips and a trendsetting, mostly young user base of 100 million people in the United States.

Mr. Trump has increasingly taken aim at Chinese technology, including TikTok and WeChat, saying companies and apps with ties to China pose a threat to American national security and threatening to ban them from the United States. The situation intensified in early August, when Mr. Trump issued an executive order essentially mandating that ByteDance strike a deal to sell TikTok’s U.S. operations by Sept. 20, or cease some commercial operations. A second executive order set a later deadline for ByteDance to fully divest from the product.

That decree prompted top officials, including Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, to inject the U.S. government into private-sector discussions about a deal to transfer some control of TikTok to an American company.

‘It’s So Essential’: WeChat Ban Makes U.S.-China Standoff Personal

Published Sept. 18, 2020 Updated Oct. 5, 2020

Every day for nearly five years, Juliet Shen’s 94-year-old grandmother in Shanghai has begun her day with a WeChat message to her 40 children and grandchildren scattered across the globe.

“Good morning, everyone!” she writes.

And each time, the diaspora of family members across China, the United States and Central America respond with a cascade of warm replies. Ms. Shen, 27, who lives in Brooklyn, also chats with her parents in China and her brother in Nicaragua in a separate WeChat group, where they share thoughts about their daily meals and other quotidian routines.

On Friday, Ms. Shen called her own meeting with her parents and brother to discuss the U.S. government’s plan to hobble WeChat, the hugely popular messaging service that is a lifeline for many Americans to stay in touch with family and friends in China. When she heard the news about WeChat, Ms. Shen said, “I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. It is the only and easiest way I’ve stayed connected to my family.”

The escalating tensions between the United States and China have long been a largely esoteric issue for many people, something that seemed to be made up of officials bickering with each other over measures like tariffs and items like semiconductors. But the U.S. government’s action to cut off the Chinese-owned WeChat and another app, TikTok, from American app stores at midnight on Sunday has now made the battle intensely personal for millions of people.

The feud is jeopardizing an essential means of communication when Americans are already restricted from traveling to China because of the coronavirus and travel rules. The Commerce Department’s action on Friday focused on new downloads of WeChat and the ability to transfer payments through the app, but those who already have the messaging service are likely to see its service degrade over time because they will be unable to update it with software improvements and security fixes.

Scanning a QR code using the digital payment services WeChat Pay at a market in Beijing. The Trump administration will bar such payments in the United States at midnight on Sunday.Thomas Peter/Reuters

The Trump administration’s action further decouples the digital systems of China and the United States, creating an increasingly fragmented internet. The United States is imposing the type of exclusionary restrictions that China has long placed on foreign tech companies that tried to operate there. Facebook and Google dominate in most of the world, but they do not offer their services in China. Twitter is also blocked in China.

WeChat, a do-everything social network that is owned by China’s Tencent, was one of the last major bridges connecting the two digital worlds.

“This move is a page ripped straight out of China’s playbook,” said Lan Xuezhao, founding partner of Basis Set Ventures, a venture capital firm in San Francisco.

Ms. Lan, who was born in China and travels there once a year, said that the internet experiences in the two countries had diverged for years, but that this latest escalation was “a new level.” She herself has lots of family in China, including older relatives who all use WeChat and are not prepared to move to a new service, she said.

“There’s no way that people like me don’t use WeChat,” she said. “It’s so essential.”

She added that she planned to use a virtual private network, a service that can disguise the true location of a user, to continue using WeChat in the United States. It’s a common tactic employed by people in China to gain access to Google, YouTube and Facebook.

Lan Xuezhao, founding partner of Basis Set Ventures, said WeChat was “essential” for people who lived in the United States and had family in China.Yan Cong for The New York Times

Much has been made of the Trump administration’s moves against TikTok, the viral video app owned by China’s ByteDance, but the Commerce Department said a full ban of TikTok would not take effect till Nov. 12. TikTok is in deal talks with the American software maker Oracle and others, which may give it a reprieve from being blocked.

That means the fallout is more severe for WeChat users. Lindsey Luper, 17, who lives in central New Jersey and has both TikTok and WeChat, said her family used WeChat to send money and canned goods to relatives in China who needed financial support and food. Losing access to the app is “very scary,” she said.

She enjoys TikTok, but she said what was happening with WeChat was much more distressing.

“It’s like comparing a game on your phone to the messages app,” she said. “If both were getting banned, clearly one you need for communication with pretty much everyone in your life. And the other one, it’s unfortunate, but it’s not a necessity in the slightest.”

To prevent a WeChat ban, a group calling itself the U.S. WeChat Users Alliance has filed a motion in a federal court in San Francisco asking for a temporary injunction against the block.

Other people said they were scrambling to find alternatives to WeChat. Sirui Hua, 29, a resident of Jersey City, N.J., told family and friends in China to sign up for QQ, a messaging app also owned by Tencent. He is also planning to use Apple’s FaceTime to video chat with his parents in China. But it is hard to replicate the experience of WeChat, where he has more than 2,000 contacts, he said.

Every Saturday evening, Mr. Hua’s parents, who live in Jiangsu Province near Shanghai, message him — their only child — on WeChat for a one-hour video chat. Lately, they have warned him to stay home and to always wear his mask as coronavirus rates increase in the United States. It’s a reversal from early this year, he said, when he warned his parents to stay home in China because of soaring infection rates there.

During the pandemic, WeChat has been a particularly important line of connection, he said. Mr. Hua has his WeChat desktop app open during the day, getting messages from dozens of friends in China. His phone app is where he sees the app’s scrolling Moments feed, similar to a Facebook Timeline, which keeps him updated on how they are doing.

Other WeChat users in the United States rely on the service to keep in touch with customers or maintain important cultural traditions.

Hong Allen, 53, works for Usana Health Sciences, a nutritional and dietary supplement company that is based in Salt Lake City and has operations in China. Most of her clients and customers are in China, and she uses WeChat to communicate with them. Now, she is afraid she will lose all her contacts.

“I really don’t know what to do,” said Ms. Allen, a resident of Vancouver, Wash. “How do I live?”

Huajin Wang, 43, of Pittsburgh, uses WeChat to send a virtual red envelope of money — a Chinese tradition of giving a cash gift in red packets for special occasions or holidays — to friends and family. The U.S. restrictions would prevent that small but meaningful gesture, she said.

“It’s just a small amount, like 50 cents a person, but it is a tradition and sending it make me feel connected to these traditions,” Ms. Wang said.

Ms. Shen said she and her family decided to fall back on email and Skype for communication, the tools they used before WeChat became a daily fixture for them. She added that the feud between China and the United States had slowly pulled her family apart.

Her father, a U.S. permanent resident, was held by Transportation Security Administration officials while traveling to China six months ago, and his laptop was confiscated, she said. Her parents, who have lived in the United States since the 1980s, were on their way to take care of their aging parents in Beijing and Shanghai. Now they are afraid they will face difficulties returning.

“It’s an impossible choice,” Ms. Shen said. “They feel pressure to declare loyalty. It feels like no matter what we do, we will be punished.”

[just-about-nothing]

my own weird orientation is that i exhibit all signs of being functionally asexual except for the whole relationship to sex thing. like yes i am not sure what attraction is (unless it's being generated towards me by another person) and yes the notion of going out and seeking sex fills me with blind horror. and yes why anyone would use a dating app is beyond reason to me. but. i'll also respond positively when a dude makes overtures to me but i also reckon it's out of a sense of gender performance* and desire to experience physical pleasure moreso than yes this person is hot per say. my relationship to women is more complicated and occasionally i prod at it and get such confused signals i've been leaving it alone for like a decade at this point

i think the drop dead funniest thing about this whole thing is that when i was being evaluated for bipolar ii, my poor psychiatrist, who was putting up w fully too much nervous rambling, was like 'do you seek out risky sexual encounters when you're in an elevated mood?' and i nearly dropped my laptop during the zoom call b/c of the horror that image evoked in me and had to nearly scream out 'Asexual!' because the notion i would EVER was so horrific. and she looked at the evaluation form and was like 'well, that changes some of my diagnostic criteria'. bless. i love her

*i only ever really feel like a woman truly when a man desires me. the rest of the time i'm like vaguely woman shaped but mostly i picture myself idk meatloaf in rocky horror mixed with jessica jones. like a little grimy and rough around the edges. this does not exactly reflect on how i look reality lol tho i do have one knee length battered leather jacket that i put on in september and don't take off til april lol

[old-danmei-fan]

Just finished volume 3 of Heaven Official's Blessing and even though the first half was a little hard to read for me, I Ioved it. There's such a great mix of humor, trauma, fighting, and love.

I'm going to post my notes/ all the random shit that popped into my head as I read from volume 3 below the cut so don't read below if you don't want spoilers.

Also, before my notes, I know who Jun Wu is and more or less his roll in XL's journey so I make references to him in my notes when I shouldn't know what's going on with him at this point.

I would try to block out the whole your country dying and literally nothing you do helps thing too XL

Xianle state preceptor really got to the point with the whole you "ascended too soon because all your people are still alive" bit. I get it where he's coming from, but damn that was a lil harsh.

I love that XL is of the mind set of "what the fuck is the point of being a god if I don't help my people?" I was kinda wondering the same thing my dude.

This is the first series where I am having to put the book down and walk away after every 10 pages. Poor XL is making every possible bad decision he can even with everyone screaming at him not to.

JFC the land of tenders was NOT what I was expecting 😬

I understand why HC is such a snarky prick to FX and MQ lol they were always such assholes to the poor lil guy. He just wanted to make heart eye and protect his crown prince.

Ok so Lang Ying is obviously working with white no face (jun wu), but he's obviously gotta be someone in present day right? I feel like he's too prominent at the moment to not come back in the present.

I'm fucking stupid lol Lang Ying -> Lang Qingqiu. Lang Ying is obviously going to be the first king of Yong'an

Lil soldier kinda disappeared?

Man body horror is gonna be an ongoing theme throughout this huh?

XL is really too pure for this world.

Damnit Qi rong. You and your big mouth

FX - "that brat will definitely grow up to be a good man" bro aren't you the one that kicked him out of the army lol

Oh it's because he's just happy not everyone hates XL 🤣

Hoo boy. 1st half of volume 3 is a doozy. Everyone is getting a big ol helping of trauma and suffering. Hong'er/ Lil soldier breaks my heart when he's telling XL he won't forget him.

Lmfao XL threatening QR with siccing HC on him

I do not like Shi Wudu 😡

Lmfao HC being so extra for his man at the festival he wrote a play and sent up 3k lanterns. Pei ming being all I told you guys HC didn't take XL to be mean 😏

Pei Ming is like that himbo that everyone doesn't like cause he's fucks around, but then you talk to him and he's kinda funny.

Hahahahahaha HC and XLs "first kiss" is killing me. XL pretty much saying he'd stab anyone who did that to him but HC and he's confused about why. Hmm I wonder why XL?

Oh this poor boy lol getting so flustered he's trying to run away only to be caught because he's bleeding from his foot. Poor guy is panicking over his cursed shackle on his ankle isn't he 🥺

I'm so glad the second half of volume 3 is not quite as traumatic as the first.

Dying at everyone thinking that ghost baby is Pei Ming's

I don't like Jun Wu's sword. That's icky

☹️

And then on the flip side, Rouye and E-Ming fighting for XLs attention is adorable lol

Poor Qi Rong being subjected to the torture of watching XL and HC flirt. Maybe if they laid it on a little thicker they could get him to leave the body he's in.

[bambiesque]

New thread for Whittaker!Doctor.

Episode: The Woman Who Fell to Earth - Hi, Ryan, Yas, Graham! I love how Northern it is. Sonic Swiss Army Knife - thank you! The tooth monster is so horrible. I like that Ryan is the Doctor's favourite because he agrees with her, just like Five and Nyssa. Good start.

Episode: The Ghost Monument - I like the new credits more than Twelve's. Venusian aikido! Ohm, Ryan used a gun so he's no longer the Doctor's fave. Honestly, the Doctor running to greet the TARDIS was quite romantic. Love the new look.

Episode: Rosa - Great episode. Ryan especially is excellent - love that he keeps using Rosa Parks' and MLK's full names. A proper history episode, haven't had one of those in a long time.

Episode: Arachnids in the UK - Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Silly fun, enjoyable but no thanks to the giant spiders.

Episode: The Tsuranga Conundrum - Nice to see Brett Goldstein. Bit of a mixed bag though. I liked Graham and Ryan's story better than Eve's. The Pting is very cute.

Episode: Demons of the Punjab - Another lovely historical episode. I do like that it's teaching us things. Graham is very wise. Once again, the Doctor has learnt nothing about taking companions to see their relatives.

Episode: Kerblam! - That robot delivery thing is horrible. Poor Kira, I liked her. It was a fine episode but nothing very exciting.

Episode: The Witchfinders - I love Alan Cumming. I'm surprised The Doctor hasn't been burnt at the stake for witchcraft before now tbh. The historical stuff has been really great this season.

Episode: It Takes You Away - Yas wanting to reverse the polarity was a highlight. Sad but lovely. And Ryan calling Graham grandad was very touching.

Episode: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos - Not a great series end but also not terrible. I enjoyed it on the whole. I love the whole TARDIS team.

Episode: Resolution - Your standard Dalek story but it was very enjoyable. Like the extended fam. I love how Yorkshire Whittaker!Doctor is.

Episode: Spyfall 1/2 - Great introduction for Dhawan!Master. (I still miss Missy though). Everyone looks fantastic in their tuxes. Fab Bond episode to start and then a nice historical ep with Ada Lovelace and Noor Inayar Khan. Love the Doctor's eyerolling over the Master's theatrics and then they go to the Eiffel Tower for a date. Bless. Aaand then Gallifrey is destroyed again. *sigh*

Episode: Orphan 55 - Nice exciting episode. Loved all the characters and the very tight plot. One of the best.

Episode: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror - I do enjoy the historical episodes and the little educational asides. Good but not one of my favourites.

Episode: Fugitive of the Judoon - Jack! I like Ruth. A very exciting episode, a good mystery and lots of interesting things going on. Whittaker!Doctor is brilliant.

Episode: Praxeus - I liked everyone getting to go off and do their own thing. Too many creepy birds though. Some nice educational moments.

Episode: Can You Hear Me? - Love Whittaker!Doctor talking to herself and forgetting she's alone. Love how awkward she is when Graham is trying to talk to her. Yaz's story made me cry.

Episode: The Haunting of Villa Diodati - Gorgeous, creepy, funny. A perfect episode.

Episode: Ascension of the Cybermen/The Timeless Children - I don't hate the Doctor's history reveal. I think destroying Gallifrey again was stupid and I don't understand why we're still associating The Master and the Cybermen this closely.

Episode: Revolution of the Daleks - Harriet Walter! Jack! I like that Ryan and Graham decide to leave and aren't forced out traumatically like all the other New!Who companions. It's just a continuation of Resolution and the Dalek story isn't as good as that one.

Episode: The Halloween Apocalypse - I like the way everything is set up for the whole season. It makes an interesting change. Not sure how I feel about Dan yet.

Episode: War of the Sontarans - Yay Mary Seacole! I do like Sontarans but I don't like the makeup this time. Swarm and Azure's makeup however is amazing.

Episode: Once, Upon Time - I love Bel. I think her and Vinder's story is the most interesting this season. I'm still not really invested in Dan.

Episode: Village of the Angels - A good episode but I didn't really like the ending. I do love a good weeping angel episode though.

Episode: Survivors of the Flux - Yaz looks fantastic in all her 1904 outfits. I don't really care about the Flux or Division - I don't think more mysterious secret organisations were needed. Kate!!!!

Episode: The Vanquishers - Oh there's two Whittaker!Doctors in the same place at the same time. Yaz is having so many impure thoughts. Poor Jericho.

Episode: Eve of the Daleks - Time Loop! My favourite trope. I loved it. And yay to Dan for giving a few home truths to the Doctor and listening to Yaz.

Episode: Legend of the Sea Devils - Pirates, beautiful ships, swordfights, Whittaker!Doctor being brave and honest with Yaz. Lovely ending.

Episode: The Power of the Doctor - This episode is going to make me cry isn't it? Oh yes, the regenerating Cybermen. Ugh. ACE!!! TEGAN MY LOVE!!! Bye, Dan. I'm so pleased they all made their own choice to leave. "Your Master awaits." But what do they mean by that? Really? KATE!!! She did not sign up for this drama. The Master is looking good like a professor. "How did you escape from Gallifrey?" How does he escape from anything, Doctor? FFS. Love a bunker. Lava pools seem to be Whittaker!Doctor's quarry. Poor UNIT. Dear lord, just ask her on a date, you idiot. It's not really regeneration, so much as a body swap. Oh Tegan <3 Lol at the Master wearing a bit of every Doctor. All the Doctors. I'm crying. Yaz is awesome. I love Tegan so much. I love Ace. I love the Master's emo hood. Brave heart, Tegan. *crying forever* "All children leave home!" *yeah I'm never going to stop crying* Graham! Oh Kate <3 The only thing I like about the regenerating Cybermen is the beautiful Galifreyan swirlies. Oh poor Master. He needs some hugs and some therapy. Him and his bisexual TARDIS. I do love that there's five women here and one man. And the Cloister bell. Oh Yaz <3 Jo!!!!!!! My darling, Jo. Ian! Mel! Tag, you're it! Incredible. Hello (again) David.

Whittaker!Doctor Era Roundup

I love Jodie. I love the fam. I love how Yorkshire it is. I don't really have a strong opinion about the Timeless Child revelation, but I do think getting rid of Gallifrey again was a mistake. I hope we can dispense with the Master & Cybermen connection now too. Overall, I love how Whittaker!Doctor was brave, excitable, full of nervous energy and a little bit steampunk!

Favourite Companion: Yaz

Least Favourite Companion: Dan

Favourite Episode: The Haunting of Villa Diodati / The Power of the Doctor

Least Favourite Episode: Revolution of the Daleks

Final Doctor Rankings:

Smith

Davison

Pertwee

Tennant

Capaldi

Whittaker

TBaker

CBaker

McCoy

Troughton

McGann

Eccleston

Hartnell

Top 10 Companions: (Yaz goes in at 13, Kate at 16, Ryan at 20, Graham at 21, Dan at 41)

Jo Grant

Amy Pond

Tegan Jovanka

Rory Williams

Barbara Wright

Vislor Turlough

Clara Oswald

Sarah Jane Smith

Martha Jones

Donna Noble

Top 5 Masters:

Gomez

Delgado

Simm

Dhawan

Ainley

[somewhat-very-insane]

if my memory is something to be relied upon(that it isn't, my cognition is rather poor). i might recall you have the anniversary of your birth coming in the next two weeks. my question for today is do you enjoy celebrations for yourself on the day of? if so, i'll be pleased to send you a celebratory message on the date. and if not, there shall be no fretting done, it is all up to you.

alongside this, i'd also like to ask if you recommend the songs on your playlist that is titled on your carrd "me." your interests and thoughts, predictably, intrigue me greatly and i was wondering if it the playlist was still relevant and something you enjoyed. i also looked into "Heaven's Official Blessing." you can probably tell, but i'm a bit of a hermit, so the thought of going to the library is a bit, well, intimidating to me. though from what i've read about it online, it seems like it'd be worthwhile. there's also a show on netflix of the same name with the characters in it, do you recommend watching that? is it a poor place to start?

sorry for the pile of questions, as usual you're, of course, free to take as long as you'd like answering all of them. and don't worry about your response being too long or wordy, again, i quite enjoy reading your thoughts. thank you very much for reading.

-🐏

i did say my birthday is next month, but it's actually on the thirtieth! that's not on you (or your, admittedly better than you claim, level of cognitive abilities) for mixing things up, though - i never actually said what day it is. and i do like being told happy birthday and such, getting gifts, etc., though, a fun fact i guess, i've actually never had a real birthday party.

and, yes! the playlist linked under "me," which is titled "my brain," is still very much relevant; i exclusively add songs to it that i think describe my thought patterns, or can very accurately put my feelings (in general) into words better than i can. whether i enjoy listening to it or not depends on my mood, because it can be very overwhelming for me to be faced with All Of My Thoughts At Once, but it can also be quite nice.

as for the netflix version of tgcf, i believe it's the same as the official donghua on bilibili, though i'm not entirely sure because i watched it from there, not netflix. they may have changed some things, depending on where you live/what dub you watch it in. if you want accuracy, find somewhere you can watch it subbed in your language, with the original mandarin dub (i am not sure if netflix has that) because i know that at least the english dub changes some things a significant amount. like, a "hyv eng translators changing diluc and kaeya from sworn brothers to actual/adoptive brothers" difference. it's pretty bad. plus they make san lang so much more flirty than he is in the original dub. it bothers me.

that aside, if you do find somewhere to watch it, or don't mind the english discrepancies, it will only get through, as of now, about two thirds of book one (at least the english version)? and cuts some major things out, from what i recall. they are working on season two now, though. but in my opinion, the show is to be enjoyed afterwards, simply because everything will make more sense that way.

[camgoloud]

1, 10, 22 for the 2023 fic asks! :)

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

hmm... nothing i posted this year is TOO adventurous really, but i did write blessed is that servant, my first ever fic to earn an M rating for (extremely extremely mild) sexual content so i guess that's something new! i don't expect to ever become a proper smut writer but i'd certainly go that far again if a story called for it :)

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

well... the Real answer to this question is probably one of the wips i spent a lot of time with this year but haven't gotten around to posting yet. but i'm going to remain tight-lipped about that one because i do still hope to finish it soon and publicly discussing wips is usually demotivating for me! of the published ones... well, blessed is that servant was a BLAST in its way, but in the interest of talking about at least one other fic in this post, i'm going to give to give this one to rest your head for just five minutes, which was my contribution to last year's TLT holiday exchange. exchange fics are always extra fun to work on in my opinion! there's nothing like the hope of making a giftee happy to keep me going :)

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene.

Sarpedon cannot pretend even to the face of God that he cares for those sheets—it shames him deeply to recall that first visit, before they’d kicked them down to the foot of the bed. He had felt the stiff, scratchy texture of them against his skin and been unable to stop himself from saying, concerned for God’s comfort: “But Lord, surely, these cannot be the finest sheets available aboard—they’re not even soft. Only say the word, and I will find a better—”  And God, smiling suddenly and broadly, interrupted him, saying, “Sometimes, Admiral, things that are expensive… are worse,” whereupon he had spent several moments snickering to himself. Sarpedon did not understand—the joke, if indeed it was one, had gone over his head entirely, though the sentiment rang true; he’s worked to keep enough nepotism babies with purchased commissions over the years alive in combat zones lest he receive strongly worded letters from the Houses upon their demises that he is well acquainted with the idea that the most effort-intensive soldiers to train are rarely the most effective ones at the completion of the task. Nevertheless. It brought him joy enough to see his God smile that he did not wish to break the spell by asking for an explanation; the moment had passed, and when Sarpedon slipped out into the hallway that night God’s expression was still mercifully blissful and untroubled.

(from blessed is that servant. i like this passage because i think it's a good showcase of everything i was trying to do with the fic re: taking humor (of course john quotes the freckle meme on a regular basis!) and mixing it in with some good old catholic phrases and imagery (only say the word...) and genuine emotion (poor sarpedon... he's trying so hard!) to ultimately, hopefully, present a version of john and sarpedon's love affair from sarpedon's hilariously tragic perspective that feels authentic and true to everything we love about this batshit series!)

(end-of-year writing asks here!)

[littlewalken]

Sep 21

Started rewriting the boy band story in preparation for typing it. The way this one worked is I did a draft by hand from my notes (this story has had several drafts over the years but was stripped back down to plot points and notes for reasons) and the next draft is also being hand written. I'm still tidying up and trying out a few things and it's easier to go back over hand written notes right now.

Once I finish this next draft and let it rest I should be able to type it in to the computer then print out a copy so I'll have a version on hand just in case. Of what? Exactly. Last house had a week long black out because someone decided they wanted copper wire, then another one because someone hit a major power pole while street racing. Here brown outs are just part of the dystopia.

Wait a minute, it's not a dystopia because no one in this zip code is a White Person. We're just the white ladies who share the bounty from our junk runs and returned squirmy neighbor puppy when she got out.

But if you're poor and already on the poor people electric plan, they do check so you can't scam, and have medical equipment like a sleep breathing machine or something do ask the power company if you can get a generator. Because we live in a place that seems to hit the brown out lottery on a daily basis they gave us a generator and portable solar panels to charge it.

You can also request the poser company inspect your home and if you're poor enough or your fridge is old and shitty enough they might give you one. No ice maker or wifi but it still fridgapates. The one they gave us is nearly 20 years old, should have got replaced at the last house with a few other appliances but guess which family member fucked that up too.

But the place we're hoping to get in to will come with appliances so we'll get to leave that fridge for the next people who move in here and that could be a blessing for them.

Well, we start physically butting things in storage in preparation for the eventual move today. This time it should only be for 3 months at the most, the destination is supposed to be ready to walk thru in October which means we can hopefully got in sometime in November or December but I don't hold my breath for shit like that, and it will be close enough to visit and not half a continent away.

So hopefully there will be some healing mixed in with this. It will be one large unit, not three of varying size because half of it has to be the Life Ruiner's literal trash, and there is time to organize how the stuff goes in to utilize the space more efficiently.

Hell, most of my stuff like my craft room and pretty much everything doll related has been packed since 2021 anyway. Can't sort what I literally can't get to. Now aside form compacting anything of the dealing with nature will just have to wait for the new home.

Aside from books, of which I thinned out the hoard quite well, and the Barbies I want to part with I'm pretty sure my possessions spark joy. I just haven't been able to use or display them in a joyful manner for a couple of years because shit happened.

[dzpenumbra]

7/25/23

A bit late tonight. I am pleased to say I slept very well. I am not happy to say I had very disturbing dreams.

Dreams of my family, and my family's home. A lot of very "acid-trip" surreal imagery. I swear, sometimes the only real difference between a weed-freakout, a severe panic attack and a bad nightmare is the... physical sensations and visceral emotions. I don't really feel like I get them in dreams so much. I get them after I wake up, absolutely. The racing heart, adrenaline coursing through your veins, that kinda shock to the system. But I don't know if I really feel that while I'm dreaming, while I'm still asleep. I don't know, maybe I do and I just haven't had one of those nightmares in a while. Guess I can count myself lucky that I don't even remember.

This dream was a bit more disturbing in hindsight by how... normalized all of the disturbing imagery was. Having my younger brother completely ignore most of what I'm saying to him, regardless of the context. Being looked at with constant suspicion and scrutiny. I had just... grown so fucking accustomed to being treated that way. Even from my little brother, who is supposed to like... look up to me. And for what reason? Fuck if I know. Because I have differing thoughts, ideas and opinions from my parents. Go figure.

The whole goal of the dream from what I could remember was... I was with a very beautiful woman, who was clearly my to-be partner in the dream. Though... she was wearing bold red lipstick which I really am not a fan of. But I kinda just looked past it. The goal was to shower with her, which for me is much less of a sexual act than a romantic one. One of very close bonding. My very few shared shower memories are all very fun, playful, close, intimate conversations. So really... the goal, in a nutshell... though it may appear to others and would most likely be read by most interpreters very directly as a sexual goal... is pretty far from that for me specifically. The goal is clearly deep, meaningful human connection; specifically comfort and bonding with another while being vulnerable. And every other person in the dream was very clearly the antithesis of this. Very distant, cold, skeptical, alienating, walls-up.

The other figure was my mom. This came up after me and my "partner" went to the downstairs bathroom, the one I used to shower in high school because the shower closest to my bedroom broke and my parents never even tried to get it fixed. When I went in there, I saw her two dogs... but they took the form of lions. Very sickly, emaciated skeletons of lions. I wasn't even remotely scared of them, I was just... deeply sad. I just got out of their way as they lumbered by. And that's really the metaphor. When you get a "guard dog" and forget that it's a living being with feelings and emotions and bonds... and you neglect them for extended periods of time... you can get a mixed bag of results. (Just like if you do that to people...) With these poor souls, they were no threat to anyone. They were barely fed. And they were lying in a bathroom covered in shit. Like this bathroom had become their cave, their hiding spot.

The partner figure and I started to clean the shit off the floor. I went out of the bathroom and ran into my mom, who was acting like this was completely normal. As usual. Bless her heart, if there's one thing I could give that woman, it would be courage. Shame you can't just give that to people. I was looking for paper towels to clean. She very casually warned me about a certain type of shit in the bathroom, very vaguely too... and then went about her business. I remember on the table there was a like... 8" diameter section of a log... it looked like a red pine kinda... which doesn't grow in that area, but I did find at the National Park nearby, all the bark looks like puzzle pieces, it's very oddly beautiful. This one had what looked like maple seeds growing out of it, it was a really odd combination of beautiful and... disturbing. I still don't fully know what to make of that. But my mom seemed all-in-all very dismissive and aloof. So we went back to cleaning up.

The woman I was with got to the type of shit we were warned about and it kinda half-exploded and stained her shirt. I just casually and genuinely said "don't worry, you can just borrow one of mine." Again, turning the focus back to intimacy, bonding, connection; making the best out of a... shitty... situation. But when I looked up at the stain, the stain was on a beer belly. It wasn't her. She had morphed into an overweight version of what looked like Spencer Sotelo, the singer from Periphery. And I guess that was enough for me to go "fuck this" and wake myself up. XD

I still haven't fully been able to parse why him specifically. The only real association I've had to him beyond just admiring his vocal abilities - which is very separate from a personality opinion, for me - was in one of the Periphery documentaries where... I kinda jumped to the conclusion that he was sort of a snobby upperish class California type. If you know what I mean... And I could be right, I could be wrong, I have no idea. It's hard to form an opinion on someone's personality from clips in a documentary... But what matters in context of this dream is what kind of associations I have with that specific symbol. And that's the association I had with that man. And I guess what it was kinda getting at was a hint I didn't really take in the beginning... the lipstick. I think the message was like... "okay, you didn't get it with the makeup, so... let's make this message much more clear..." And what's the message? Artificiality. Seeking a bond, seeking intimacy... with a mask. With someone who wears fur coats and gets their hair styled, but at home has a beer gut and a drinking problem. You know what I mean?

I endured so much shit from my family, so much disrespect. (I'm kinda editing this rant a little just to make sure I don't go on for too long and I'm gonna skip to the point.) All for... a taste of genuine human connection, bonding. Which turned out to be fake all along. I could acknowledge, see and find compassion for the way I was treated by my family. That was a big overt theme in the dream too, explicitly displaying genuine compassion while being treated like garbagio. Because of a very present awareness that their crappy action was directly sourcing from their own suffering. But the one person I could not see clearly at all... was the person I wasn't even looking at. The person I implicitly trusted. The person right by my side, the person whose entire role was to bond with me. Who chose that role, volunteered. They turned out to be the deceiver. So... I guess... as shitty as I've been treated by my family... I guess in a sick way I'm kinda glad that they're so... blatant about it. Now I'm just scared of the shapeshifters... the mask wearers... well... I guess more scared of my ability to detect them properly, especially when they are in a role like... someone who wants to bond with me. That does seem to be when I just get all starry eyed and blindly optimistic and shit.

Anyway, that was what I woke up to. But I got a good decent amount of sleep. I did wake up to creaks at one point but... I think I got back to sleep? I don't remember.

I've been pretty slow moving today. But despite that... I got a ton done on the grip tape. Finished outlining, then did shading on both the red and the gold pedals. Like... literally everything is done except for adding in details now. And maybe interior shading if I choose to do that. I have no clue what to do for pedal details, I'm just gonna wing it and then mirror the improvisation. That's what I usually do. I'm really proud of myself. That was a big step.

ALSO... I went outside my comfort zone with shading a bit. I usually use black for shading... I know... I kinda got used to the look of it, and it can have some kinda comic-book-like appearance to it... and a lot of my past work was monochromatic... but I decided to go outside my comfort zone and play around more with using color for shading. The red pedal basecoat is a mix of Alizarine Crimson and Dioxazine Purple, heavy on the crimson though. So I decided to do a wash of a mostly purple mix for shading... and pure crimson for a highlight. I... might have to lighten the highlight, even the pure crimson is a bit too low value for my comfort. I might even add a tiny bit of gold to it so it looks like it's reflecting the light from the gold leaves underneath. The gold... I was going to use the purple too... but decided instead to go with a mix of the metallic gold, a tiny touch of the purple to get the red from it and some Pthalo Blue. I watered that the fuck down and gave it a wash and it came out pretty damn good. It definitely gave the piece a lot more depth.

So yeah, a lot of big art steps today. Going outside of my comfort zone, on a piece that is bound to be destroyed, while improvising a design... on something that's going to be very visible... I'm proud of myself for it. It feels good.

I rewarded myself by getting a game I've had my eye on for a while, which was on sale. Mini Motorways. Holy crap did I get sucked into that. It's the perfect mix of simplicity, difficulty, calm and brain-frying all at the same time. Highly recommend, very easy to learn too.

I guess that's about it. Bed time.

[arynathome]

For a poll like this I think some background is important for science sake. I will un-anon my vote I guess lol. I'll include that I'm a 36-year old cis female of mixed ethnicity, who is blessed with good health. I have had many privileges in life (went to college, have always had access to the technology I needed, wasn't persecuted for my religion, have been generally accepted by my peers, etc.) and disadvantages (neglect and abuse growing up, I have been dirt poor, depression/anxiety, and of course I will always be perceived and treated a certain way because of my ethnicity and gender).

I feel quite powerless as an individual. I do not have the money or influence to make big waves. I don't have a lot of energy or emotional capacity to use my time to make the big waves without the money or influence. I'm just trying to carve out a small piece of this world to live in and try to do the right thing by others.

I vote. I donate a little money to Planned Parenthood. I try to be a positive influence on people.

I see a lot of backlash in the world right now. A lot of discomfort as we rush headlong into the future. Change is uncomfortable. Learning is pain. It's like ripping something apart inside you, especially when you're older. It's so frustrating to not KNOW. I see a society that is progressing quickly in so many ways. Technology is advancing faster than we know how to handle. Socially, we're more exposed to more ideas than ever (in large part because of technology). Our very language is evolving and how we communicate with each other is changing faster than ever. We can travel anywhere. But we're caught in outdated systems that are also continuing to balloon and grow at a pace that's too fast for us to keep with it. We're not flexible enough for all this change. So we have backlash. We have what I'm going to call societal stretch marks. Growth and change is happening. We ARE getting better. But slowly. Not as fast as I would like. Not as fast as we NEED.

My concern is that we will take too long and we will damage our planet to the point where we, as a species, can no longer survive. We will be forever an unfulfilled potential.

So, I am hopeful. I think the world is getting better over time. But I am worried we are running out of it.

[goldenempyrean]

Maybe one with a sick Kate x reader with “I’m just a little under the weather that’s all” and “Did you come home just to look after me?” You always write Kate so well 💕💕💕

Dork-A-Saurus-Rex

〚 Notes - I wrote this last night just because honestly this req was collecting dust in my inbox and it deserved to be done :) Also God the level of hate on here rn is unbelievable :,) Still doing my 1k fics too dw!! 〛

〚 Pairing - Kate Bishop x Reader 〛

〚 Summary - When Kate decides shes gonna go home to rest, you already knew that you were going to be right there beside her. Cute, dorky comfort ensues. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 1600 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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“Hi Kit-Kat.” Your cheery voice chirped down the phone, as you sat in the break room of your office, “You on you’re lunch break now too?” You asked before taking a bite from the sandwich in your opposite hand. 

“Yeah I’m on my break now too.” Kate responded only her voice sounded different - it lacked her usual energy and excitement. But there was something else too and it wasn’t until you heard her sniffle quietly that you finally registered what was wrong. 

“Are you feeling oka-“  

“Hh’utshhiew!” Her sudden sneeze cut you off from your question and you could practically hear the embarrassment in her tone when she quietly mumbled out a small, “Excuse me.” 

You shook your head out of habit and gave a sympathetic sigh, “It’s okay, bless you. I was going to ask if you were feeling alright but I think I’ve already got my answer. I guess that lil’ nose of yours jumped ahead to reply.” 

She hummed in response and you heard the sound of tissues being opened in the background, “I’m just a little under the weather that’s all. There’s been something going round all week.” 

That part was true. You remembered her saying something about being short staffed due to everyone being out sick, if you’d been a little wiser you would’ve taken that as the hint to stock up on some medicine and tea. 

“Im probably gonna go home early.” Your girlfriend’s slightly congested voice said finally and you couldn’t help but worry a little.  

She was usually so stubborn about these sorts of things, there’d been that once time when she’d spent the night throwing up and had still insisted on going into work the next day. So for her to admit she was thinking about coming early was definitely a sign that she really wasn’t feeling too good and that she definitely needed some TLC. 

“That’s probably a good idea baby, you go home and rest, okay? Oh, did you have your lunch yet?” You asked softly, she sometimes had a habit of forgetting to look after herself properly and you knew that this would only make her feel worst. 

There was a second a silence followed by a quiet, “Not yet, I’m not really in a mood for it. It’s like I- Hih- shit, my nose fricken itch-Hh’iiitshoo! ‘tschioo!” She sniffled, giving a small stuffed, exhausted exhale as you heard the sound of more tissues being drawn, “Sorry sweetie, s’cuse me. What I was trying to say is that I don’t really have an appetite. It’s just like food has no appeal whatsoever.” 

"Aw, my poor baby," you cooed sympathetically. "I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's no fun being sick. You get yourself back home and into bed. My lunch is almost over so I need to go but I want you to go straight home, alright?” 

“I will.” She stopped to cough a couple of times, whining a little afterwards, “I lodes you.” 

You smiled, finding her congestion-hazed words utterly adorable as you teased her a little before ending the call, I ‘lodes’ you too.”  

It wouldn’t just be her going home early though. You’d just finished typing out the email to your boss asking if you’d be allowed to call out early, offering to take up some extra hours in return later in the week.  

With the email sent, you quickly finished up your lunch, feeling a mix of concern and anticipation to see Kate. You gathered your things, bid your colleagues farewell, and headed out of the office, making your way to the parking lot. 

As you drove home, your mind raced with thoughts of how you could take care of Kate and make her feel better. You made a mental note to stop by the pharmacy on your way home to pick up the supplies and you tried to make a list of things you would need: cough drops, some medicine, tissues, and definitely some ice cream (for her throat of course, not just to satisfy your carvings. 

Arriving at your apartment, it wasn’t long before you found Kate curled up on the couch, wrapped in a cosy blanket as she wore your go to ‘lazy day’ outfit. She looked even more tired and worn out than you had expected. 

Setting down the bags of supplies on the coffee table, you approached her and gently placed a hand on her forehead to check for fever. It was slightly warm, confirming your suspicions. "Hey there, sweetheart," you murmured softly. "Let's get you more comfortable, shall we?" 

“Y/N? What time is it?” She mumbled quietly and you showed her the screen of your phone to answer, “Did you come home just to look after me?”  

You nodded, a tender smile gracing your lips. "Of course, my love. I couldn't bear the thought of you being sick all alone. Plus, I missed you, even if you're a little under the weather." 

She let out a weak chuckle, sniffling and rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. "You're such a sweetheart.” 

"Anything for my Kit-Kat," You replied, using the endearment that always brought a smile to her face. "Now, let's get you settled in bed. I'll make you some tea and bring you a bowl of soup. How does that sound?" 

She nodded but then stopped when something else came to mind, “Do you think we could shower first? I’m kinda sweaty.” She grumbled in a disapproving manner earning a small giggle from yourself. 

“Of course baby, come on my dear, let me escort my fair lady to thy holy shower.” Your hand was offered out to her in an exaggerated, medieval manner resulting in a small smile from the feverish brunette as she took it gratefully.  

Kate sniffled as the two of you reached the bathroom and you curtesy’d with a welcoming smile as you opened the door for her. 

“You’re such a dork.” She giggled a little even though the action had left her coughing hoarsely afterwards.  

Turning on the shower, you let the hot steam fill up the room as you began carefully undressing her, making sure to shower her with kisses and love as you did so. You’d just gone behind her to unclasp her bra when Kate turned her to head to look back over her shoulder a little. 

“Y’know what you are?” Her words were a little blurred by both congestion and fever, maybe that steam was a little too hot. You’d make sure to turn that down before she got in. 

But still, you gave into her babble, “What am I sweetie?” 

“A dork-a-saurus-rex.” Katie smiled before ducking her head down into her hands as she sneezed loudly, which was quickly followed by a displeased “Ew… Gross-a-saurus.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, “Come on then lil’ dino. Let’s get you washed, ey?” Your encouraging words were enough to coax her into the (now a lot colder) shower. 

As the water cascaded over both of you, you began slowly massaging her knotted shoulders. When you lowered your hands to your surprise l she turned as if she was going to hug you but instead she let her heavy head rest of your chest before ultimately wrapping her arms around you (turns out she wanted that hug after all). 

"You're taking such good care of me," she murmured, her voice muffled by the sound of running water. "I don't know what I did to deserve you." 

"You don't have to do anything to deserve my love," you replied sincerely, pressing a tender kiss to her temple. "Taking care of you comes naturally to me. Now, let's get you all clean and refreshed." 

Carefully, you reached for the bottle of shampoo and squeezed a small amount onto your palm. As you lathered her hair, massaging her scalp, Kate let out a contented sigh.  

"Mmm, that feels nice," she murmured, closing her eyes.  

You smiled, continuing to work the shampoo through her hair with gentle strokes. After rinsing her hair, you reached for the body wash and started lathering it up. As you began washing her back, Kate tilted her head back up to look at you. Her eyes were filled with gratitude and affection, despite the fatigue she was so desperately trying to fight. 

But to nobody’s surprise her fatigue won and you helped a very sleepy Katie climb out of the shower and get dry. 

Once she was wrapped up in a fluffy towel, you guided her back to the bedroom. The room was cosy and warm, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting a soothing ambiance.  

You helped her into fresh pajamas, carefully tucking her into bed. "Alright, my sweet Kit-Kat, it's time for some rest," You whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stroking her damp hair away from her forehead.  

She looked up at you with drowsy eyes, a faint smile on her face. "Thank you, baby.” She whispered, her voice hoarse and weak. "I don't know what I would do without you." 

You leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You don't have to worry about that, my love," you reassured her. "I'll be right here by your side, taking care of you until you're back to your vibrant self." 

She closed her eyes, leaning into your touch as you continued to stroke her hair. "I love you," She murmured, her words barely audible. 

"I love you too, Kit-Kat," you whispered back, your voice filled with tenderness. "And I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

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[rehkkuma]

she's all yours | okuyasu x reader

summary: unlike his partner in crime, Okuyasu lacked experience in the dating field. Once he believes that he may have a chance with his crush, his best friend begins to get in the way.

words: 1.8k

disclaimers/tags: fem pronouns, modern AU (basically just phones being involved), tiny bit of angst, fluff, and cursing.

He was staring again. The poor 16-year-old boy couldn't help but notice every single detail about her: the slight tilt in her walk whenever she went up the stairs, how she would tie her shoes, and the unfortunate glint of light in her eyes whenever she spoke with his best friend.

Y/n L/n was someone extremely special to him (whether she knew it or not). She could read his expressions so clearly, sometimes knowing more about Okuyasu than Okuyasu did himself. The emotions he couldn't quite put his finger on, she always had an answer to. At times, he felt undeserving of the friendship he had with her. After coming to terms with his developing feelings for the girl, of course she began to get closer with his best friend.

He was painfully aware of the difference in treatment he received compared to Josuke. While Josuke could be referenced as Morioh's pretty-boy delinquent, Okuyasu was more like the intimidating ruffian that stood by his side. Obviously, Y/n did not think of Okuyasu in that way, but her perception of him didn't matter if he was considered nothing more than a friend.

"Hey," Josuke called out, concerned for his friend.

"Y-Yeah?" Okuyasu stuttered, trying to regain his thoughts.

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

Okuyasu silently thanked Y/n for standing in a crowd with other students. If she stood any further from the school's front entrance, it would've been easy for Josuke to pinpoint who he was eyeing.

"Nothing, really. Just thought I saw a cute girl."

Josuke shrugged his shoulders, repositioning himself so his back laid more comfortably against the tree. "Well, if you do see one, ask 'em out or somethin'. I wanna see you have your first kiss before we graduate," he chuckled.

"Mhm, yup," Okuyasu responded, eyes now glued to the grass he was sitting on. He was about to spew out a self-deprecating joke but stopped himself once he noticed Y/n approaching the two of them. Immediately, he recognized Josuke's energy shift from disinterest to eagerness.

"Y/n!" Josuke cheerfully said, waving at the girl.

"Hi, you two!" she waved back. Once coming close enough, she sat down along with the boys, her knees lacing together in a criss-cross position. Because of the short distance between her and Okuyasu, the boy could smell the flowery essence emitting off of her body. He wasn't too fond of fragrances, but the one Y/n had was light and sweet-- perfectly suiting her personality.

Before he knew it, Okuyasu was staring again. The only thing that got him to snap back into reality was the cry of laughter Y/n let out after Josuke made a funny remark.

"Did you hear that Okuyasu?" Y/n choked out, leaning back with both hands on her stomach.

"Y-Yeah." Okuyasu fake laughed, really having no clue what the hell was going on.

"God," Y/n sighed as she wiped off the faint tears forming in her eyes. "I wish I could hang out with you guys a bit longer, but I just wanted to drop by and say hi. I gotta help out with some chores tonight."

"It's all good," Josuke smiled. "But only if you promise to call me tonight."

The girl rolled her eyes while getting up from the ground. "We'll have to see about that, Jojo!" She then stuck her tongue out before scurrying off to her house.

Josuke chuckled, slowly placing his chin on the palm of his hand. "She's pretty cute, isn't she?" he said, eyes glued to the girl's figure in the distance.

"Yeah, she sure is."

* * *

Okuyasu could remember the first time he met her as clear as day: his hands were tucked deep into his pockets, feet dragging along the sidewalk while he was on his way to school. Unlike his regular routine, Josuke was unable to walk with him due to an argument breaking out between him and his mother. It seemed like a bummer at the moment, but maybe it was actually a blessing in disguise.

"Fuck!"

In front of Okuyasu's feet laid a girl. Her uniform was stained with a bright red juice and its can rolled next to her. He didn't recall exactly what happened, but he did feel someone's face hit his chest before hearing a thud.

"I didn't get any on you, did I?" the girl asked with panic.

Okuyasu, hands still in his pockets, shook his head. "Mnn. Don't think you did."

"Okay, thank God. These stains are so hard to get rid of."

That was one of the first things that Okuyasu remembered from Y/n. Her casual way of talking was enough to make any stranger feel like a good friend. Something about this girl piqued his interest.

"Guess it's not your first time, huh?" he hummed.

"You'd think I'd learn my lesson after the third time."

After the small accident, Okuyasu took the girl to the laundromat. Classes would begin in any minute, but neither one of the pair minded skipping it.

"Oi, what're you gonna be wearin' in the meantime? Don'tcha think the teacher's gonna kick your ass for showing up like that?" Okuyasu pointed at the revealing tank top she wore.

"Yeah, definitely. That's why you should totally let me borrow your top," she winked.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself. I don't even have a clue on what your name is."

"L/n." she replied crassly. "It's Y/n L/n."

That was several months ago. Since then, their relationship started to significantly grow. From sending short texts to sharing a few inside jokes, to hanging out every other day after school. In Okuyasu's eyes, it was inevitable for him to fall for a girl like her.

Right before he could spill about his crush to his best friend, Josuke had already introduced himself to her. It crushed Okuyasu to see the girl he loves slowly start to move on from him-- to his own best friend nevertheless.

All of his frustrations were best to be kept to himself. No way could he express his jealousy to Josuke or Y/n. Out of all the girls that fawned over Josuke, why did she have to be one of them?

**Brring**

Okuyasu rolled his body to the other side of his bed. On a nightstand was his phone that rang. The alarm was just loud enough to break through the pessimistic thoughts roaring through his brain.

"Who's this?" he asked, too lazy to check the contact number.

"It's me, Okuyasu! Why, is it that hard to use a second of your time to check the contact name?"

He recognized that voice anywhere. It was her.

"Aw, look. I was in bed, alright?" he smiled, feeling his mood change immediately after speaking with her.

A small giggle echoed from the other end of the phone. "Alright! I wasn't here to nag you all night anyways." The girl then cleared her throat with a cough before soon speaking again. "I was thinking we should hang out tomorrow. For ice cream, maybe. Just us."

Small butterflies began to form in his stomach from hearing the last sentence. "Just us" had never sounded better.

"Sounds good to me."

"Great!" she nearly interrupted. "A-Ah, sorry! I just got excited. It feels like we've been parting ways the past couple of weeks, but I promise tomorrow's gonna make up for it!"

"It's alright," Okuyasu sighed. "See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow!" she repeated.

* * *

Was it just Okuyasu or did she look way cuter today? The makeup she wore differed from the one she usually had on, her accessories managed to compliment her eyes even more, and she even put an effort into customizing her uniform like Josuke and Okuyasu despite expressing her laziness multiple times. She looked like an absolute doll.

"Hmph." She huffed. "You've been doing that a lot lately," she said flatly.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at me like I'm some crazy person."

Okuyasu internally panicked for a few seconds but composed himself. "You just look pretty lately, that's all."

He expected a cheeky comeback in return but was left with a bashful smile from her instead.

"Let's just hurry up and get ice cream..." she said, eyes faced to the ground.

Okuyasu nodded at her suggestion and began to walk, making sure his pace wasn't too fast for Y/n. He'd occasionally give a glance at her direction to know if he was walking at a comfortable speed for her.

Several minutes of walking and a few casual conversations later, the duo made it to the ice cream shop. Y/n ordered a mix of her two favourite flavours while Okuyasu ordered two scoops of mocha almond fudge. Feeling a bit more gentleman-like today, Okuyasu insisted on paying for the both of them.

"Thanks for the ice cream!" the girl said, taking a small lick of the cone. "I feel like the more I hang out with you, the more things I owe you back," she chuckled as the two left the shop.

"Don't sweat it. Hangin' out with you's enough for me." Okuyasu smiled.

"Ah, really?" she blushed. "That's... really sweet of you."

There she did it again. No witty comeback. Just a flustered reply.

"Somethin' up with you? Eat something bad today?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"You're just actin' a bit different, that's all. Not sayin' it's bad though. I kinda like it." Okuyasu continued to walk on the sidewalk but stopped once he realized Y/n was frozen still. "Hey, you comin'?"

Y/n began to slowly jog her way to Okuyasu. When she caught up with him, she paused once more, now looking into the young boy's eyes. "I feel like you don't hear yourself talk sometimes," she said. "I can't tell if you're flirting or you're just naturally this oblivious."

He didn't know how to respond. He was starting to get nervous from how close their faces were. If he wanted to, he could practically count each beauty mark on her face.

"Well?" she said.

"Well..." Okuyasu tried to come up with something but found himself paying more attention to the girl's lips. They looked plush and soft with a slight glossy coat from the ice cream.

Eventually, the girl noticed where he was looking at. Slowly, she closed the already small gap between the two.

"Okuyasu," she breathed out with a gentle tone. "I really like you."

"I-" he stuttered. "Not Josuke?"

"Josuke?" She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and chuckled. "I don't know what you think is going on between us, but it's not that. He's not exactly my type either."

Okuyasu couldn't believe what he was hearing. Before he could say anything back, he felt her lips against his right cheek. It was a delicate kiss. Maybe a bit sticky, but it made his heart do several backflips nevertheless.

Once her lips left his skin, she stood awkwardly in front of him. The way she looked up at his eyes with that lovestruck gaze made Okuyasu realize something he didn't before: he wouldn't need to jealous of other guys. It was clear that Y/n L/n was all his.