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lilytii · 1 year ago

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My thoughts on Ascended vs. Non Ascended Astarion

HEAVY Spoiler Warnings ahead. If you've not completed the game, or if you do not want spoilers, do not read on!

Honestly, I was never planning on making a post like this, and generally I thought most people understood the differences between them. However, I’m seeing a bunch of people twist what both of these mean and are adamantly standing with these twisted meanings, which I feel does them both an injustice. This argument is addressing the romance with Astarion. If you’re just his ally/friend/colleague, most of this won’t matter much.

First and foremost, let me say this: If you like either of these endings, that’s great! I think they’re both tragic in their own right and indeed well written. I do not think anyone should be judged because of what they enjoy, from a fictitious game. I do not think that those who like Ascended need therapy, nor should they be shamed or judged in current relationships. I also do not believe that those who like non ascended route are weak hearted people who cannot handle a hot, evil romance. These are all personal preferences and you shouldn’t feel ashamed.

That being said, I think there are people who are misunderstanding, or refusing to accept what some of these endings mean for the character. I’m going to break things down, piece by piece and come to you with my conclusion. For this I’ll use a few different abbreviations to make things easier.

A.Astarion - Ascended Astarion

S.Astarion - Spawn Astarion

U/A- Unascended

Hopefully this will make things easier to understand and follow. Alright, let’s get into it, and apologies if this is long, this took me days to write and look over all the information I could culminate. I’ve seen many of the same points brought up over and over again, and some who argue various versions of the same argument. Instead of writing long winded responses to one response, I figure I’d write out all of my thoughts in one post and be done with it. There may be points that I miss, forget to address, and I apologize, there’s a lot of ground to cover.

First, let’s go over a few things about What we know about BG3 vampires, the Ascension ritual, and what all of this means.

I think it’s common that everyone knows BG3 is set in Faerun, which is a world setting for the game D&D. The game is running off 5E rules and guidelines, though there are many things that are changed to better suit a video game setting rather than table top. (i.e. short rests are instant, long rests are the only way time and events progress, etc.) That being said, 5e has a set of rules that exist more as guidelines. At the end of the day, everything is up to DM discretion. If the book says “ X works in X way” and the DM says “I don’t like that ruling, so I’m going to change it to work differently for my campaign,” that’s valid as long as everyone agrees and it remains consistent throughout.

That’s the beauty of this game, is everyone runs it a little differently, with their own set of understanding and rules. BG3 works the same, and as the player, you accept and acknowledge that and play to how it is.

The Vampires seem to be mostly following the lore and rule sets, but there are a few differences here and there. Mostly, the moment you turn into a spawn/vampire, you’re inherently evil. That’s it, end of story, alignment changed. It doesn’t seem to be the case in BG3 though, as you can see some of those who were spawns and recently changed, don’t seem to be fully evil. Astarion tells us of his past and it seemed he wasn’t entirely subscribed to the sudden alignment change. (Not to say that he doesn’t have evil tendencies, he’s very morally gray.) Even Cazador and the notes you find, in his earliest moments as a spawn, seemed to hold an ounce of who he was before he became a full fledged vampire. It seems that from what we see, the corruption is a slow burn, but inevitable, and Vampire spawns seem to have their souls. How do we know they have souls?

Astarion says that he might as well sell ‘what’s left of his soul’ to a devil, than to let Cazador have him again. The Ascension doesn’t just sacrifice these 7000 bodies, they don’t seem to be just ‘animated dead’, oddly enough they have souls that when they’re sacrificed, those souls go to hell to the demon that made the pact. Mephistopheles.

Raphael tells us all about it, and states it’s a rather grim tale, even for his tastes. This ritual is so foul, so diabolical, it has never been performed. The right of profane Ascension .Astarion’s soul, would be sacrificed. I Think, damning 7000 souls to hell in exchange for power, there’s no coming back from that. I mean, hell, Bhaal himself must be impressed, probably salivating at the amount of death and carnage in one go.

The Ascension gives Astarion a taste of power, he gets some boosts in combat, but the taint on him is already done. He was a pretty gray character before, now? Not so much. That ritual changes him deeply, and it is evident in how he presents himself and how he behaves. He is truly lost, and not a shadow of himself remains.

“He wants this, and he Approves when you let him ascend.”

Ah, Approval, the way to win the man’s heart! Yes, he approves in both scenarios, and he thanks you in both as well, however, context is Everything here.

Astarion, in that moment, is enticed by power and by the promise of safety. He acknowledges he was blinded by it, just as Cazador was. If you are romancing him, you must succeed a persuasion check that’s relatively low depending on your rating with him, and if he’s romanced.

A lot of people dismiss this and say the fact we have to talk him out of it, shows he did not want to stay a spawn and wanted to Ascend. He admits that he was blinded by his want in the moment. He may have wanted to ascend in that moment, because it promised him a life in which the world would bow to him. After all he’s been through, it’s not crazy to say that sure, he was blinded by the promise of now, not thinking of the consequences. How many times have you made an impulse decision because you wanted something now, because all you could see was the promise of a good time, without thinking of any repercussions? It’s human.

He goes on to say:

“But you saw something else in me- Someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago. You saved me back there. I may not have appreciated it at the time, but I do now. Thank you.”

I want to point out his body language. When Astarion is being serious, when he’s lowering the walls and the barriers to who he is, his movements are small. He smiles, his eyes soften, and he makes eye contact. When he says “but I do now,” he nods, affirming that he truly understands and appreciates what you did, stopping him from ascending. And then he gives a humble bow of his head saying ‘Thank you’.

“But Astarion thanks you on both occasions for giving him everything.”

As it was stated above, context is key. Yes, When he is turning you into a vampire spawn, A. Astarion does say “You’ve given me everything I ever wanted. Thank you.” I can see the case people would make to say this is what he wanted, and so he is sincerely thankful that we gave it to him. In either case, he’s happy.

I can understand the logic, but allow me to put it into a different perspective, if I may.

A drug addict is going through withdrawl and you have the drug they want. They crave it, they’re only focused on that drug and need the high to get through another day. They don’t address their addiction, they just need to score, so plead for you to give it to them. You cave in, give them their drug and they take it. They tell you “Thank you, this is what I wanted.” Is it sincere? Sure, they are really thankful for it, but did you help them? Was this really what was good for them?

Instead, when they beg you for the drug, you tell them ‘No, this is not the life you would be proud of and I want you to be proud of yourself.” Instead, you take them to rehab, they get clean and stay sober. They’re on the path to turning their lives around and say “You know what, I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but, you helped me. You saved me from going down a horrible path. Thank you.”

That thanks, is also sincere, but the outcomes are vastly different.

A.Astarion thanks you for giving him what he wants. S.Astarion thanks you for giving him what he needs.

Even in his graveyard scene, he says he’s not giving up, just “Reassessing what I want. What I really want.” And when you ask him later, at the graveyard what he wants, he says “you. I want you” I emphasize ‘really’ here because he does. This is Astarion being honest and telling you what he really wants.

He does not NEED power over others, he does not NEED to ascend, he needs to believe in himself, to choose a life he can be proud of, to do what he wants without being a slave to all the power that stood before him.

This is evident if you say “You saved yourself, I just gave you a push.”

And he responds with:

“You did more than that. You believed in me- believed I was enough just the way I am. When I look at my future, anything and everything feels possible now. And I get to share it with you, as a partner. An equal. You saved me from myself and let me walk a new path where I can be free. TRULY, HONESTLY, FREE. This is a gift, you know. Thank you. I won’t forget it.”

There’s so much that this speaks to, and it’s so self explanatory, but so many people overlook that to say:

“S.Astarion is weak and is still unable to walk in the sunlight. At least Ascending him he’s free.”

I’ll agree and say his ending with him running away from the sun is tragic and painful, but I think that was the point. It’s gut wrenching. The worst part is honestly, most of the companion dialogue who treat him like ‘Oh well, fuck him I guess.” That, I think we can all be on board saying he did not deserve that. Turning away from power, helping you save the world, and all the companions say is like “welp, it was nice knowing you.” That was dirty.

It feels like so many people think giving up one's soul to walk in the sun is the best decision ever and so worth it. The point of his story feels like “Power, but at what cost?” Sure, he can have all these added benefits, if he just gives away his soul, does the most horrific, dastardly thing possible, and completes the ritual. He no longer is himself, and becomes a slave to power. Power will always be something he chases, so that he will never be used again. You basically tell him he’s weak the way he is and to steal the power he is owed.

Meanwhile in the U/A route, you tell him that he would not be proud of this life, that you want him to live a life he would be truly proud of. And he says “You’re right, I can be better than him.” But he is NOT above enjoying being the one to deal his death. We don’t even STOP him from Killing Cazador, we know he is owed that, he deserves that.

S.Astarion says he is free to walk a new path, whatever that path is. In his graveyard scene, he says he’s been dead in the ground long enough, it’s time to start living again. S.Astarion’s story is about finding his autonomy, finding his inner strength, accepting himself and making a new path for himself. Whatever this world has to offer, he’s going to take it and have fun.

When you Ascend him, and tell him that you miss the man he was, he seems actually taken back and says:

“What do you mean, I was pathetic back then, why would you say that?”

He sounds hurt. He sounds like maybe the tiniest bit, he regrets losing that man, like he can’t understand why someone would love who he was before he ascended.

He hasn’t gotten the affirmation that he’s enough, in fact, he’s more affirmed that he was weak, pathetic, and that power is what will make him strong. He is perfect now because he’s powerful. That’s such a tragic way of looking at him. By choosing this, he doesn’t accept how strong and capable he is as a spawn, he doesn’t heal and regain control of his life, he’s seen as lesser, as someone who needs an outside power to be strong. Love, belief in himself, it wasn’t enough to save him.

“There is no Equality in S.Astarion xTav/Durge. You have the upper hand, he does not. You will die of old age, he will not. That’s not a good romance at all.”

This complaint is one I see a lot, a LOT on people’s videos, blogs, reddit, etc. Just because he is back to being a spawn and does not have insane vampiric powers gifted by an evil, hellish ritual, does not make you his superior. It’s the way you two treat each other, the way you two view each other, that is what makes you an equal.

If you look at how A.Astarion talks to you, he talks down to you, looking down his nose, he believes you are beneath him. If he makes you a spawn, you are kept nicely under his thumb.

If you keep him as a spawn, he does not look at you as if you are his ruler, his master, you are his equal, his lover, his companion. He doesn’t look down at you, but eye to eye. Just because one has different abilities and strength does not mean inequality. Just because one has a longer/shorter life span, does not mean inequality. Look at Shadowheart’s parents, one is an elf, the other, human. Does that negate their love because of their lifespan? Are they doomed and have a terrible love story?

I’m sorry, but this argument doesn’t hold water to me.

A.Astarion fans love that they can choose to live with him in eternity, as his slave. So many people believe that is better than S. Astarion living his days freely with someone he loves, truly loves, as long as he can. I’ve seen people headcanon their Tav/Durge find a means to either cure Astarion of his Vampirism, or find ways to extend their lives. In one of my D&D games, we had collars that kept us from aging and dying prematurely. Granted, we had to agree to give up spell slots every year or so to a powerful mage so he can create magic items, but it pretty much allowed us to live forever. If Gale can ascend to godhood, I’m sure you can find a way to fix these small power issues.

“A.Astarion is the real Astarion, he goes back to his Act 1 self.”

I’ve seen this argument made to why people like A.Astarion, because they love the man he was in Act 1, and feels like this is who he is. There’s so many talking points here, so much to break down, and many arguments made to ‘affirm’ that this is the real Astarion, and this is where he is most himself. I’m going to break this down as best I can and do my best to be clear and easy to follow. There’s so much to go over and I don’t want to sound like I’m all over the place.

I gotta admit, I half agree with this. He does go back to his Act 1 self, but that's not the ‘true’ Astarion. Act 1. Astarion is the man who manipulated your feelings, who was playing an act. It isn’t until Act 2 that Astarion starts to come to terms with himself and becomes honest with you. Yes, he fell in love with you sometime between those moments, but after you ascend him, you can see that he goes back to those theatrics. All of the progress he made, all of the growth he made, when he ascends, that’s it, it just hard stops and reverses back to the start. He regresses so hard that he loses himself and becomes a shadow of the man he was, an echo of that man who manipulated his way to get what he wants.

Astarion admits in several ways in different dialogue options that the Ascension would have changed him, it would have made him lose himself, it would have made him different.

Tav: “The ritual would have changed you, I’m glad you resisted it.

S. Astarion: So am I. Fun as all that power would have been…this feels more me.

Tav: “Do you regret turning down all that power?”

S.Astarion: “Perhaps. It would have been terrible fun. But then again, I could feel something slipping away. I came so close to losing myself-to losing everything I’d learned since meeting you.”

He speaks so much about his growth, about his development thus far and if he ascended, he’d lose it all. This speaks volumes to his character and to how he holds himself now. We see Astarion start to believe in himself, knowing his worth, and his U/A route shows that he’s starting to understand that he can do the right thing.

“Astarion says he’s not happy.”

S.Astarion “I am- well, not happy. But this feels right.”

(Graveyard scene,)

Tav: “regretting your choice?”

S.Astarion: “No, I made the right choice. Although I do regret the options I had.”

Tav: “You did the right thing, stopping the Black mass.”

S.Astarion: “I know, that doesn’t mean it stings any less”

Tav: (when referring to never seeing the sun as the price of freedom) “Do you think you can live with that?”

S.Astarion: “I’ll have to, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

All the arguments I’ve seen for those who prefer A.Astarion use this to say he’s not happy, that he admits that he would have had more fun if he had power, and that’s what he wanted. He’s lamenting his lack of power and the fact that he’ll belong to the shadows, for sure, but he knows and understands that the decision he made was for the best. This is honestly such a relatable, and real emotion and thought. How many times do we as flawed humans know that doing the right thing, whether it’s for our own benefit or someone else’s, isn’t always the ‘fun’ option. He’s been on a quest for power, saw an ideal in his head, and now understands that going that route wasn’t the best for him, no matter how much fun it might have been in theory.

Astarion knew he made the best choice for him, the best choice to regain control, to be himself, his true self. His options were ‘sell your soul, lose yourself to have power and walk in the sun, or keep your soul, remain true to yourself and better your life, but be reserved to the life of a spawn, living in the shadows and with hunger.” There was no good options, but there was a good choice.

I want you to think about who Astarion is, what he’s been telling us this whole time.In the love test, we can choose silly, fun answers to gain his approval and keep things lighthearted, but the real answers exist, and he doesn’t exactly enjoy them being shared.

Astarion is afraid of being someone’s slave, he’s afraid of being helpless and not being able to keep his freedom. This whole time, 200 years he’s been shown that there’s no heroes, gods do not care for anyone, and the strong are the only ones who survive in this world. He’s afraid, he’s terrified but puts on this air of assertion. He stands behind those who are stronger than him and rides their coat tails till he can snatch power for himself. He’s not above backstabbing and manipulation if it gets him what he wants.

Astarion plays with power, as long as it doesn’t threaten to change him. He’s fine with abusing the tadpoles powers, but the moment he realizes that greater power can be unlocked by becoming a half illithid, he wants nothing to do with it. You can peer into his mind and use his fear against him to force him to do this, but thats manipulative in it’s own right. You don’t respect him or his want at that point, all in the name and sake of power.

Astarion’s first line to us is his disgust at the thought of being turned into a mindflayer. He laughs bitterly and says “Of course it would turn me into a monster…what else did I expect?” Power is good if it offers safety and protection, but not at the risk of his own skin. This is said so much throughout and is emphasized by him saying, he knows finishing the right would have ruined him, who he was, and everything he’s learned up to this point.

However, if throughout this game, you show him that there’s strength in one’s self, that there’s power to be had deep within, he starts to understand that and starts to see that he can be the break in the chain. He can be the difference he needs, alongside you.

This power hungry Astarion is the result of 200 years of abuse and suffering. Astarion starts to understand that there’s consequences to one’s actions, he starts to take responsibility for those actions and understands the difference between running away from it, and meeting them head on.

I’d say that’s a strength in it’s own. He’s finding himself and tackling the hardest things in his life that he turned a blind eye to. A.Astarion does not get that. He doesn’t care about anyone, anything, consequences be damned.

“Tav gaslights Astarion to change himself. Tav ‘knows what’s better’ and choosing not to ascend him not only makes him weak, but shows you don’t think he’s strong enough.” Tav forces Astarion to change.

This is paraphrased from a comment from a prominent A.Astarion fan. The entire comment was such a hot take, that they said, and I quote: Cazador did not inspire him that sex is power. Cazador didn't need sex to control people, he had other power.

I don’t know if they understand what Astartion was trying to say when he said that Cazador made Astarion use his body to lure things for him. That Cazador had full control over him and made him perform acts of sex against Astarion’s will, otherwise he’d get TORTURED. I could go ON about how disgusting the take is, but I won’t get into that. I’ll address their point and continue.

I believe I’m one of many who don’t like the option of “You don’t need to worry, I’ll protect you.” And Astarion’s own answer of “thanks, that’s sweet, but I don’t want to have to always rely on you.” (or something to that nature.) I refuse to choose it, I understand the sentiment, but that option didn’t feel good.

Still, despite that line, Astarion doesn’t get the all power he wanted, but that doesn’t make him weak. Tav shows that Astarion is weak in the ways of inner strength, the strength to take off his chains and be himself! He has the strength to choose his own destiny and take it by the hands. So many people look at ‘physical’ strength and weigh that higher over inner strength. Astarion in game, is not a weak fighter. I can tell you, rogues are fucking CRAZY strong! In many of my battles, he’d be the last one standing and has to sometimes be the one to save others.

Believing that there’s more to Astarion than power, revenge, and sex is NOT gaslighting him at all! Gaslighting someone is forcing another to believe that they’re wrong, despite the fact that they aren’t. It’s projecting onto them your wants and making them feel terrible for not seeing things your way.

You can gaslight Astarion, want to know how? By forcing him to have sex with you despite him saying it’s uncomfortable for him. By saying “You should enjoy it, and enjoy it with me.” And do you know what happens when you choose that? He ends things, and stands up for himself!

We aren’t manipulating him, changing him, forcing him to be someone he isn’t. He admits to it many times over after that we believed in him, we saved him and pulled him away from a path that would ruin him. To say that’s changing him, to say it’s gaslighting is absolutely bonkers! In fact, telling him to ascend is affirming that power is better than anything, even if it costs your soul. I don’t know why people refuse to believe that S.Astarion IS the REAL Astarion. And while he isn’t all powerful, he’s fully free to live his life the way he wants to, and intends on it.

“A.Astarion still loves us. Sure it’s not the ‘kind’ love you get with S.Astarion, but it is love and he does care for us. It’s perfect for an evil route”

This is the most common argument for what I’ve seen people saying they like A.Astarion. It’s a different kind of romance, a different kind of love that still has caring, but it isn’t ‘nice’. There’s so many different takes on this that usually accumulate to “He does care, he does love us! It’s a crazy toxic love, but it is still love.”

I get it, I totally understand why so many people are drawn to A.Astarion. The sex scene is spicy, he calls you pet names, and says “You’re mine” and things like “I’ll protect you” “Lovers forever”. At it’s core, it sounds like a crazy, possessive romance perfect for an evil Tav/Durge, especially a Bahhl accepting Durge. I can see the appeal, and really, for an evil character, ruling the world with the lord of vampires sounds amazing! Hell, even for a morally ambiguous or amoral character, this would be fun!

I know there are people who appreciate it for what it is, people who understand that they are A.Astarion’s favorite thing, they are his obedient pet who does his will. Some in their Durge games understand they are using each other, and it’s not a romantic relationship, but that of an evil companionship. “We are awful for each other and do awful things for each other!”

That being said, many people seem to be under the impression that A.Astarion truly cares about you, that he loves you.

“It’s a possessive love, but even then, that’s just a form of love.”

Look, I’ll be honest and be the first to say that a person, especially a hot vampire who calls me “MINE” with such virility, would instantly make me weak in the knees. I love me a strong lover who is a bit selfish in wanting me, there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel coveted like that? (Ok, I know there are people out there who aren’t cool with that, I’m just saying for those of us who are thirsty! lol)

Still, I can’t say that this context is of that capacity. You’re his object, his favorite and obedient spawn, slave. He pretties it up and calls you consort, which makes you think some form of equal footing, that of a spouse. (Understandably, not all marriages have spouses who view their spouse as an ‘equal’. This is very much like that.) If you’re his spawn, you are surely his slave.

“He calls us Pet, my treasure, consort, lover. He stands up for us against Araj, he does indeed care for us.”

Pet names are cute, and he has used ‘pet’ for us before he ascended. The way he says “Yes my treasure?” Is very baby sweet talk, he even does the elaborate swinging of his shoulders. I don’t think Astarion’s descent to madness is immediate. I think there are still parts of him that is haunted by his trauma, but instead of being able to deal with it, he does the same things he’s always done. He disassociates, he falls back to bad patterns.

When meeting Araj again, both S. Astarion and A. Astarion have similar dialogues between each other, but also, there are some interesting differences as well. A. Astarion makes a note of ‘Who belongs to who this time’ referring back when she thought Astarion was your subordinate, your ‘obstinate charge’ and you could stick up for him and say he is his own person. Now, he means to correct that and explain that you belong to him, not in a romantic way, but in the way that you are under his charge, you are his spawn/slave.

I get that in that conversation he says “And don’t worry, if anything happens, I’ll protect you.” Can be sweet, if you look at that completely out of context, hell I’d think it’s sweet too. He does say this in a bit of a condescending way though. It’s not the “I love you and I’ll protect you,” it’s the “This is my thing, and I’ll protect it from getting being damaged.” The care that A. Astarion has for you isn’t one of honest love, it isn’t born of concern.

You can see that because S. Astarion has a dialogue that says “Say no, the only thing she is offering is pain, and…I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Astarion isn’t someone who knows how to express his true feelings, he’s expressed his inability to know how to truly be with someone, but he’s opening up. At this point, this is beyond his graveyard scene, so you’re seeing a man who is awkward when expressing his true feelings. Again, his body language says so much here. He gives a sigh right before saying he doesn’t want to see you hurt, he shies away from you just slightly and his expression grows softer. He’s being vulnerable and sincere, he truly does not want to see you hurt. Not because you’re an item of his that he doesn’t want damaged, but because he truly doesn’t want his lover to be hurt, that would pain him. There’s a lot of dialogue that’s similar for both, so, there’s not much to differentiate between them at that time.

Astarion’s trauma is still trauma, in both iterations. His understanding of consent seems to resonate with both versions at this point. So many people are taking that ‘consent’ is him caring. Just because he understands consent, and still asks you, that doesn’t quite mean a level of caring. Yes you can choose to be his spawn, or not. If you break up with him not as a spawn, he insults you and lets you be. Choose to be his spawn, and there is no getting out of it, you have no consent anymore. You’re his slave. Yes, he calls you his ‘consort’ because he wanted to dress up the word “spawn”. A slave is still a slave, no matter what other pretty title you want to give it. You have consent up until he turns you, then that’s out the window, you can’t leave ever. Hell, he even has a line that says “I should have turned you into a spawn, just to prove that I could.” Yeah, let that sink in.

“A.Astarion says ‘I love you, I’d never hurt you.’ He tells us he loves us on multiple occasions. Once more, he’s got a beating heart now, so he is fully capable of love.”

A beating heart, a living organ =/= love. I mean, if you break up with him he says “You brought my dead heart back to life, it will keep beating” That is metaphorical, it didn’t mean that he will be brought back to life. So no, having a living, beating heart does not make him more capable of love. He felt real love as a spawn, he sincerely fell for you.

Let’s also talk about Astarion saying “I love you.” He does say it at both routes, but the way he says it, and again, body language says it all.

I’ve seen this video going around about how he says he loves Tav/Durge, and how people claim this is love, that this is proof he cares. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Bov4CwHLukc

Let’s talk about these, shall we?

First of all, notice how Astarion is acting here. This is back to theatrics, the wide arm movements, the flowery words and the poetic gestures. Does this look familiar? Ah yes, this looks very similar to when he used all his ‘favorite lines’ at us. Even when he says “I love you” it feels so practiced, so forced. He even looks down at you afterwards. But people are so convinced that this is romantic love. They are convinced he means this.

I am reminded back to that, force Astarion to sleep with you scene. You tell him “You seemed like you enjoyed it,” and he says he knows that song and dance better than anyone, it was an act. This? This is an act as well. But S.Astarion? Go look at the graveyard scene, go watch how he tells you he loves you.

He looks you directly in the eyes, taking your hand in his, and he’s smiling. That’s no forced smile, when does he ever smile that genuine and at peace? He looks down in thought for a moment and returns to your eyes and says “he loves ‘this’, and he wants it all, with you.” Look at those two “I love yous” side to side and tell me which one really, truly looks sincere. Which looks real.

In act 2, he says that he manipulated you into an alliance, so you’d never hurt him. He used sex to get you to love him so you won’t turn on him, but says you deserve something real, that he wants to be real with you. In his graveyard scene, he’s ready to be fully real with you. And if you do have sex with him, the dev. Notes says “Had_sex_as_equals. You are his equal, and he is yours. Whatever your powers and abilities are doesn’t matter, it’s how you treat each other, as equals.

Astarion’s first line in the video says he was offering you power, offer you to live as his spawn so he can own you, what’s that, if not love? Then says, if that’s not an offer, if you want more, perhaps this isn’t for you.

I’ve seen so many people say “A.Astarion is not for the weak hearted, his kind of love is intense, possessive and hot, not for those goody goodies! He says it himself.”

Nah, he’s telling you that love is a transaction. You gave me power, I’ll give you a bit of it. You become my spawn that will be obedient to me, who will bow to my every whim, and I’ll offer you protection. There, love. This is a man who used his body, who used everything as a transaction. If you get high approval before the party and allowed him to bite you, he offers you sex as thanks. It’s a transaction.

A.Astarion says “I did try with you, you know. In the only way I know how.” By using a transaction of offering you life of being a spawn.

And of course, how can we forget the famous line. “Of course I know about *love* (said with absolute disgust by the way) I know how to use it, manipulate it, and I can’t help playing the hand I know. I would have used your love, abused your trust until you were nothing.”

Every argument here says “You hurt his pride, he’s angry! He doesn’t mean that. He was upset and said a lie.” And I can say, ok, I hear you. There’s been times when people break up and say really hurtful things because they were hurt. Things they may not even mean. I’d be fully inclined to believe that if… well, if that were true. Instead, I fully, TRULY believe Astarion is being sincere with us here. I think he knows that we were smart enough to see through his BS, to see that in this state, he’s gone.

They also cut out parts where Astarion says “Oh that was completely different, I’d never hurt you, I love you.” Right after, in the same breath, he says “That’s what you’ve been waiting to hear, isn’t it?” Like, this man is telling you what you want to hear, it’s not the truth, it’s all a lie. He’s telling you to your face “I’m telling you what you want to hear.”

He doesn’t know what real love is, he is incapable of love, to him it’s just a game. You can tell this by the insight check you do before he turns you.

“The insight check really means that he doesn’t think highly of himself, that he values Tav/Durge’s opinion and thinks he’s not good enough to be with”

I can understand how this could be one interpretation, and I’d agree with you if this was Act 2. Astarion. I’d fully believe that’s how he thinks a continued romance would be with him, but that’s not what’s going on here.

A.Astarion thinks he’s all powerful and amazing. He’s not the weak man he was back then, he’s better. Knowing you want to be a slave to him, you’re degrading yourself to becoming his slave, his spawn, but…maybe you’re into that. Maybe you want to be his slave, to worship him and be manipulated. Hell, you’ve gone this far for him, he doesn’t seem to have to beg you, you’re willing to do what he wants.

That’s the implication here. Not that he’s not good enough for you, but that you no longer care about yourself, that you want to be stepped on by him.

A lot of people understand this concept as “Yeah, I made him worse, and I’m willing to throw everything in the trash to be with him! He can pull me by my leash and I will follow!” And then others misunderstand it to mean “Awww my poor boy thinks he’s not good enough for us and thinks we’re degrading ourselves to be his lover.” It’s definitely the former, not the later.

But this is a Sub/Dom relationship!

At the very base core of what that is, he is dominant over you, and you are serving him. To call this a sub/dom relationship is such a disservice to those real relationships out there that exist though!

I know someone close to me, who has been in a sub/dom relationship for 10+ years. She wears a collar with her partner’s name on it and he calls her pet names. This is something they do in their private time, and after all of it, there’s so much after care and tenderness involved to remind them both that they are partners who are equal. They are in a safe place, they have real, romantic love and understand if at any time there’s something they aren’t comfortable with, they can speak up.

A.Astarion just owns you. He doesn’t care, you are his property and that’s that. That’s like calling Cazador Astarion’s lover! The man favored Astarion, and when he disobeyed, he punished him. Granted, I’ll say that Astarion and his spawn’s relationship isn’t violent yet, but I don’t think it wouldn’t get to that point. He says he doesn’t have to, you’ll be wonderfully obedient.

…but what if you aren’t? Do you really think he’ll stand there and listen? If you push back, do you think he will understand? If you speak up and speak your mind, will he just lovingly accept your words? I’m afraid not. To those who think they can ‘change’ him or ‘keep him in line’, the time for that has passed and he’s not going back. I’m sorry.

The writer who spoke up is wrong about A.Astarion and is just one writer, not even the MAIN one! Take their words with a grain of salt.

The amount of people taking the salt out of what the writer said is crazy! I saw the reddit post and people were losing their minds, saying that this writer should have never said anything, that they stole the joy out of their A. Astarion romance, and that all is doomed!

Let me just say this. The writer, other people, no one can take your agency of enjoying a game. Take it for what it is, enjoy it. If you don’t agree, that’s fine, but it does not make the writer wrong.

The writer is one of many who worked and wrote for Astarion. Just as what happens with every character, what happens with comics, movies, games, etc. You have teams who all work on one part to make it a cohesive whole. Animators have writers, directors, lineart work, flat colors, shaders, sketchers, background artists, all of these different people work on different parts of the same product and at the end, you have a whole piece. They all have to be in sync with each other and understand the source material to make it all work here.

The writer who spoke out may have been one of many, but that does not mean their words were invalid. In fact, after taking their words into consideration and looking back at how the sex scene for A.Astarion and S.Astartion play out, I honestly sat back and thought “...wow, I actually completely understand what you mean!”

First of all, they call it a bad ending. That speaks enough to what has been said and stated over and over again. Astarion does not progress, he does not heal, he gives up his soul for power, losing himself, and becomes a slave to it. Secondly, they said that you failed to see him as anything more than a kink, and reduce your relationship to that. That explains his actions, the way he is back to manipulating you with pretty words of adoration. And so many people are literally falling for it all over again.

In the scene he makes you a spawn, it’s overly provocative (I’ll admit, it’s fucking hot! I mean, from an objective view at least. Knowing what I know, it’s sad, but taking out context and what I know, it’s a very sexy scene) it’s meant to be. This is what you wanted, this is what you think of him. The camera mod that allows you to see different angles is a GODSEND here! You can look into his eyes and they are devoid of life, of feeling. He’s going through the motions, but he’s not even there. He’s not looking at you, he’s looking away, his body is performing, and Tav/Durge is just moaning and enjoying themselves. You wanted this, you got it, and in the end, he delivers.

Vs. the graveyard. It’s so much more chaste since you have clothes on. He’s not biting you, but this is his most honest form. It’s pure love, this isn’t lust, this isn’t him ‘fucking’ you, but being one with you. He’s reclaiming what sex means to him. It’s not a means to an end, it’s not an exchange, it’s not forced, he wants to give you a night of passion because he loves you. This is him connecting sex to love, and not as an act of manipulation.

Again, the camera mod is everything!! He looks into your eyes, his features are genuine. He cups the side of your cheek and kisses you. Then, he pushes you down, and climbs over you, looking into your eyes before sinking into the kiss in a much deeper, passionate way.

I admit, I’m a degenerate. I can accept that Astarion is hot! I thought his turning scene was erotic, steamy, and I just couldn’t stop watching it. But knowing what I know, I can understand how, if what you’re looking for is real love, a real romantic relationship, that’s not the way to go. I think the camera angles of his graveyard scene show so much more to how passionate and hot that kiss is! Once I understood that this was Astarion, truly himself, taking back sex for himself and pushing Tav/Durge down in that swoop of a kiss, I completely did a 180 and preferred that!

That kiss is HOT! And it means so much more, which makes it all the more intense. This is Astarion, throwing down his walls, opening up to us, body, soul and heart. And seeing as the dev notes says they had sex, it leaves it to your imagination how that went down, but I am one to believe, it was incredible, earth shatteringly so.

Final thoughts

If you made it this far, Oh my GOD I’m so sorry! Honestly, I appreciate it and thank you all for the time and patience to read my ramblings. I’ve just been sitting here replying to so many others and said “Fuck it, I’ll make a post about my feelings.”

There’s so much I haven’t touched on, so many points that can still be made, and I’m sure I missed over some other parts. Because I’m a maladaptive daydreamer, these thoughts literally assaulted me every chance they got! I couldn’t cook, clean, or even shower without another full stream of ideas that invaded my brain. I had to stop now because I’ve been working on this for 4 days and if I kept going, this would be 30+ pages long and NO ONE wants that.

That being said, look, if you like Ascended, go for it! If you want your character to be degraded and live in that fantasy, that’s ok and you shouldn’t be shamed for it. You shouldn’t be bullied by anyone to think you’re real life relationships are awful, or that you need therapy. Please, have fun and remember to take some time away from it all every now and then.

If you like Spawn, that’s great too! You shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re weak, or you only think Astarion is some good boy. You shouldn’t be told that you’re gaslighting, or anything else that I’ve seen out there.

At the end of the day, these are games, escapism from reality. I encourage you all to write, or maybe play the character in a game, or do what you want to do as long as it brings joy to you.

The point of this post is not to shame anyone or to cause drama. The point of this was to show that the writers did an AMAZING job illustrating these character’s stories. They showed us how gray and lifelike they were, they made their flaws something relatable, but also showed us that there’s always two very different ways things can go.

I wanted to highlight the differences in Astarion’s endings. In his Ascended ending, he loses himself for the price of power. He fails to see that there’s more to himself than what power can give him. He fails to heal from his trauma, and instead, masks it behind power and control. He continues the cycle of abuse and becomes an entirely new monster. He fails to experience a true, romantic love that he never had and instead returns to using ‘love’ as a form of manipulation. He is deluding himself into what he thinks is happiness, and one day, will have nothing left inside of him. It’s so tragic and yet painfully, beautifully written.

In his spawn ending, he gets healing, he gets to choose his own way through life and live it being free. I wanted to show that while power was enticing, he learns that he’s enough the way he is, even if he won’t have the power of profane ascension (no matter how much terrible fun it would have been). And hey, if you want to play him in a solo campaign (that’s what I’m doing) and find ways for him to gain power without losing who he is, I’m sure that would be awesome! To see Astarion grow, and continue to take responsibility, to see him take back his sexuality, his honor, his autonomy is beautiful, even if it means he had to let go of the thing he thought he wanted, to take hold of the thing he truly wants.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #ascended astarion #spawn astarion #spawn #ascended #discussion #bg3 #balders gate 3

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kentai345 · 1 year ago

Text

East Highland's Notorious

AO3

Fezco x reader

Warnings: It's a euphoria fic, so just like the TV show warning.

18+, drug use, foul language, no smut yet mostly fluff for now.

Can be read here or on ao3. More chapters on ao3

Summary: You never proclaimed yourself to be a nice person or good girl because no one expected you to be one. If someone perceived you as one that was their fault. Life wasn't easy but Fez made it bearable.

Chapter 1

*Rue narration is in italics*

If there’s one thing no one understood about (Y/N) Stone, it was why she was friends with Nate Jacobs. Why would such a chill and down-to-earth girl be friends with a guy like him? Simple, they didn’t know the real her. The ones who were unfortunate enough to piss her off and face her wrath gave her the infamous nickname stone cold bitch. She had to be because it made her life easier. And you didn’t hear it from me but when she and Nate were together people called them the East Highland Notorious cause nothing good ever happens when those two were around.

(Y/N)’s parents were addicts. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her parents sober. Its why she tolerates all my bullshit and why she and Nate were so close. She loved wreaking havoc and creating chaos probably cause she couldn’t control the chaos that was her life. But with Nate, she knew just how to pull his strings and make him do most of the work for her while she just sit back and watch.

They also both understand each other’s hatred for their parents but (Y/N) had one nice thing to come out of her parent's addiction. Fezco. Cause of them she got to meet Fez and his grandmother. Her parents sometimes made her go get drugs for them and she would buy them from Fez himself or his grandmother.

They became so close that when his grandmother got sick and he had to drop out she was there for him and helped him out at the gas station. It gave her a break from her life. Not having to listen to Maddy complain about Nate, watching Nate be a dick, and from the waitress job that she hated. At some point when I was in rehab Fez and (Y/N) had grown even closer that she was staying at his place from time to time and her parents wouldn’t even notice. It was like this unspoken rule that she was his and no girl would be stupid enough to get too friendly with Fez knowing what (Y/N) was capable of. However, (Y/N) would never label it, believe it or not as ruthless as she was, she was shy around guys she truly liked and the fear of rejection was keeping her from defining the relationship.

I sat outside the gas station with Fez as he smoked a blunt with my legs laying across his lap. He exhales smoke in my direction with a smirk and I playfully hit his arm. “Stop.” I whine fanning the smoke out of my face. He takes my hand into his planting a kiss on it and I smile shyly. We hear footsteps coming toward us and I slip my hand from his hold and look up to see Rue standing in front of us.

“Thanks a lot, you gave me a secondhand high, and now I’m seeing ghost.” I said as I moved my legs from Fez’s lap.

“I’m not a ghost, dick.” Rue said with a laugh and I shrug. I go on my phone to find out where Nate is while Fez tells Rue about this new girl we’ve been seeing around and how Rue would get along with her.

“So like how are you feelin?” He asked.

“I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and Savior Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good.” Rue said and I laugh.

“Word? That's what's up.”

“I'm fucking with you. It was a joke.” Rue said with a laugh. “But low-key, is Ashtray in the back?”

“Are you serious?” Fez asked in disbelief.

“What, you think cause I went to Rehab I stayed clean.” She said and I shake my head.

“Well that is the point of rehab.” I said not surprised. I went inside the store and headed to the back. Rue couldn’t function without drugs in her system she was just like my parents. I fucking hate my parents.

“I thought your ass was dead.” Ash said as Rue walked in and she looked at me. “I didn’t start that rumor.” I shrugged.

“Don’t matter y’all come and go I’m just tryna stack my cash and pay my mortgage. So what the fuck you want?” Ash said listing off what he had.

“I’m sorry I have zero fucking idea what you just said.” Rue said. “Yeah, no one does. Just give her the one that’s similar to LSD.” I told Ash.

“Ok.” Rue agrees and Ash tells her it's 120. “Oh, Fez said he'd spot me.” She said and we call bullshit as she leaves.

“Fezco don't spot nobody.” Ash said.

“Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him.” Rue said and I follow her. “I will go ask him, 'cause I know you're full of shit.” Ash said as we leave the back.

“What are you doing after this?” Rue asked me and I shrug. “Waiting on Nate to give me a ride to Maddy’s to get ready for this summer bash that Mckay’s throwing, everyone is supposed to be there.”

“Cool.” She said as we went back outside and see Fez selling to Nate.

“About time, thought you died in a five-car pile-up.” I said to him. “You wish get in the fucking truck.” He said walking back to his truck. “I didn’t hear a please.”

“Yeah right.” He said as I followed him. “I’ll see you guys later.” I said to Rue and Fez before getting in the backseat. “Yo, I’d do it for Rue.” Nate yells to Rue as he pulls off and Mckay shakes his head.

I listen to him and Nate go back and forth about the party and his mom being particular and blah blah. I become interested when Mckay brings up Maddy and if she and Nate were together.

“Cause she’s crazy, I don’t want her to come and burn my house down.” Mckay warns.

“I hope she does burn your house down, then your party will be remembered forever…as the guy who got his house burned down.” I said laughing and Nate joined. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.” Nate said focusing on a blonde girl that Fez and I had been seeing around town riding her bike. Nate slows the truck to her speed and rolls down Mckay’s window “Right here.” He calls.

“How ‘bout you come and ride on this dick.” He says and she flips him off in return. She loses her balance and falls off her bike as Nate speeds away laughing and I just roll my eyes at his antics used to his behavior.

People question how I’m even friends with Nate with all the shit he pulls but I don’t have the answer he’s just always there. Plus some of the shit he does is entertaining and yeah he was an asshole to me too but he was always a person I could call when my parents lock me out of the house or forget to stock the fridge. His family, no matter how fucking picture-perfectly annoying they are helped me out. Hell, the only thing I regret is setting Maddy up with him. I knew what Nate liked in a girl and Maddy knew I could get Nate on her radar, so I did her favor. Believe me, I tried to warn her about Nate’s temper but she swore she could handle him. Although, sometimes I believe she doesn’t know what she got herself into.

Nate drops me off a block away from Maddy’s house not wanting to come into contact with her at all and I greet her parents when they let me in. I go to her room seeing Kat and BB as well saying hi to everyone until Maddy faces me showing me her breast.

“Do my areoles look weird?”

At first I just look at her thinking she’s joking but realizing she’s not I glance down at her boobs. “They look like areoles.” I comment and she rolls my eyes not liking my answer putting her shirt back on.

“I literally look disgusting. Nate’s totally ruined my confidence.” She says.

“Nate’s a loser who cares?” Kat says.

“He’s not a loser he’s a dick.” Maddy corrects.

“Bottom line, y’all need to walk into this party like your pussy costs a million dollars.” BB said as she goes through Maddy’s closet.

“I’d settle for like four Corona Lights and some non-rapey affection.” Kat answers. “That’s kind of depressing.” BB says waving me over to sit down at the vanity to do my makeup.

“You know when somebody just constantly criticizes like everything about you?” Maddy says going off about Nate.

“Like every guy?” I answer.

“You just need to catch a dick and forget about your troubles.” Kat advises and we all look at her. “Shouldn’t you catch a dick first before telling other people to do it?” I said.

“Seriously, the best thing after a breakup is to fuck someone new and then move on.” Kat continues.

“Remind me again how many guys have you fucked? And cat-fishing don’t count.” BB says and I laugh. “Speaking of someone new, (Y/N)?” BB says and I raise an eyebrow at her as she does my eye shadow.

“What?”

“Bitch, come on we know you’ve been all boo’d up this summer with Fez.” Maddy says.

“We’re just friends.”

“Save the bullshit.” BB said finishing up my makeup. “Ok, so I'm testing the waters. Besides he hasn’t defined what we are and we all know I’m not gonna do it.” I said looking at my makeup in the mirror.

“You’ve been testing the waters for months. Quit being scared and claim your man already.” BB said. “Seriously, it's obvious he likes you stop being stubborn.” Maddy said and I look at her through the mirror. “Why don’t you stop being stubborn and take Nate back already, we all know you’re gonna do it.”

“Bitch, don’t even go there.” She warned ending the conversation in a stalemate.

We finish getting ready and get in Maddy’s car to go to the party. Now I may have seemed like a dick but I hated telling other people my business except for Nate and Fez. Sometimes Maddy depending on what it is. I avoided relationships at all costs cause the guys here are fucking idiots and it wasn’t hard with Nate around keeping them away. Fez was the only exception as he was my distraction from the shitty parts of my life, kind of I mean sometimes I have to buy from him for my parents. I know Fez likes me but I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship if we break up and end up with just Nate to confide in.

We finish getting ready and get in Maddy’s car to go to Mckay’s and on the way we see Rue walking down the street. “Slow down.” I tell Maddy and point to Rue.

“Wait didn’t Rue, like die?” Maddy said and I look at her confused. “Why does everyone think I started that rumor?” I asked.

“Oh my god, I hate ghosts.” BB said as Maddy pulled over.

“Yo, Casper you want a ride?” Kat asked. “Why, thank you.” Rue answers. I could tell just by looking at her that she was on drugs as she gets in the backseat with Kat and BB.

Arriving at the party Kat and Rue wander off who knows where and the rest of us go to grab drinks. I scope the party for Nate but my eyes land on a blonde guy staring at us more specifically Maddy. Smirking I get Maddy’s attention and casually gesture with my shoulder to the blonde and she gives him an uninterested look. “Don’t you wanna piss off Nate?” I suggest and she smiles deviously giving me the go-ahead. I go over to the blonde greeting him with a smile.

“My friend and I thought you looked lonely. Wanna dance with us?” I asked touching his arm in a flirtatious manner. When he agrees I take his hand guiding him toward Maddy and BB who were already dancing. “Oh, my god I completely forgot to ask for your name.” I said in a dimwitted tone

“Tyler.” He introduces looking directly at Maddy. “Hi.” Maddy says and grabs his hand pulling him towards her. BB and I dance around them and I feel a pair of hands grab my waist making me into contact with someone’s chest. I look over and see the owner of the hand to be Fez. “Been lookin’ for you.” He says into my ear so I could hear him over the music.

“You found me. Now what?” I said turning in his arms to face him and he smiles at my words. “Yo friends don’t mind if I take you away then?” He asked looking over to Maddy and BB who waves us off insisting it was fine. BB sends us suggestive looks as Fez takes my hand and I roll my eyes at her. He leads me outside to the backyard and has a seat on an unoccupied couch pulling me onto his lap.

Straddling his lap he connects our lips in a quick kiss before he looks down admiring my outfit consisting of a halter top and jeans. “Shit, look at you lookin all good.” He kissed my jaw trailing to my neck and I hum in pleasure at the feeling. I reconnect our lips, running my hands along his chest but our actions come to a stop feeling the couch shift as someone plops down next to us.

“Oh, hey Rue.” I greet.

“Hey, don’t mind me keep doing what you’re doing.” She says sounding out of it.

“Come on now bruh, you owe me 120 bucks.” Fez said and I reposition myself in his lap as we were obviously not gonna continue our previous engagement anytime soon.

“Man sorry, I forgot.”

“To be honest, with you, your whole drug shit got me feeling kind of uneasy.” Fez said. “Come on don’t go soft on me, Fez.” Rue said not taking his words seriously.

“I’m not. It’s just that... I like you. And I missed you, bruh. That shit at the beginning of summer had me scared as fuck.”

“Yeah, you and everybody else. Well except for (Y/N).” She said and I nodded my head. “Duh, you’re like a cockroach, you always come back.” I joked. I was scared for Rue after hearing about her overdose but I also didn’t let that shit consume my thoughts. There’s no point in worrying about someone who doesn’t want the help or maybe I’m just a pessimistic dick.

“At least someone had faith in me.” She said with a smile. As she continued talking to Fez I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and went onto Instagram to see if I could find this Tyler guy as I had never seen him around school before. However, as I am I hear a commotion coming from the pool, and giving Fez a quick kiss on the cheek I go over to see. I come to find Maddy and Tyler in the pool making out and Nate watching.

“Yeah that's real classy you fucking whore.” Nate says to her.

“Suck my dick.” Maddy responds making the crowd around react in her favor. I never meant for the plan to go this far but knowing Maddy I should’ve seen it coming. I hear Nate going off in the kitchen and go back inside to see him breaking shit in the kitchen. The girl who was riding her bike earlier was in the kitchen while others were clearing out of Nate’s warpath. “Hey man what’s going on?” Rue asked suddenly appearing next to me.

“The usual Nate’s pissed and he’s about to take it out on the new girl.” I said already filming on my phone. Rue nods her head and like everyone else nearby we watch as Nate starts yelling at the girl getting in her face before she suddenly pulls a kitchen knife on him making Nate back down. “Fuck, new girls got balls. Too bad she doesn’t know what she’s getting into.” I comment.

“Put the fucking knife down! It was a joke!” Nate yells and looks to me for help but I look around wondering why he’s looking to me for help. “The fuck you want me to do? Bitch has a knife and I’m not a hostage negotiator.” I said still filming.

She takes the knife suddenly cutting herself yelling “I’m fucking invincible.” Before backing away from Nate and throws the knife down. “By the way, I’m Jules. I just moved here.”

“Hi Jules.” I say as she leaves the kitchen. “Take back what Fez and I said, that bitch is insane.” I told Rue as I end the video and I go check on Nate.

“You sure know how to pick a fight.” I said and he glares at me. “Shut the fuck up.” He growls shoving past me harshly and past Fez who was coming toward me. “You alright?” He asks me glaring back at Nate before looking back at me.

“I’m fine its normal.” I reassure and pull him into a hug. “Besides you know I love chaos.”

“A lil too much. So like what's your home situation tonight?” He asked me stroking my arm checking if I was gonna go back home or not. “Sleeping over at Maddy’s but I’ll probably go home Sunday. You leaving?”

“Not yet still more money to make and I gotta make sure you leave safely with yo friends.” He guides me backward to lean against the kitchen counter. “You don’t have to do that.” I say kissing him. Our kiss started slow before his tongue slips between my lips and my hands tighten on his shirt bringing him impossibly closer. We pull apart catching our breaths and I stare at him entranced by how handsome he is but I am drawn out by BB calling for me.

“What?” I asked looking over at her and Kat. “We about to go, you leaving with us?”

“Yeah.” I sigh reluctantly not ready to leave Fez’s arms. “I’ll see you later.” He says kissing me one last time before disappearing into the party. I leave with BB, Maddy and Kat going back to Maddy’s. As we’re getting ready to go to bed I get a goodnight text from Fez and can’t help but smile.

I had to wake up around 6 in the morning to leave Maddy’s house and walk home to get ready for work, clean up whatever mess my house was gonna be in, and then get to work on time at 9. I was dreading going home knowing that the house would be trashed or my dad’s junky friends would be there. To my surprise the front door was unlocked when I got home and was repulsed by the smell coming from inside finding it to be spoiled food in the kitchen, while my parents were passed out on the couch, I think. I sigh annoyed and go into my room to grab my uniform and go take a shower.

Before leaving I pack a bag of clothes just in case I decide I don’t want to sleep here tonight, clean up the kitchen, and leave two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my parents when they wake up. I look over at them once more checking if they were actually breathing before stealing my mom’s car keys and leave for work.

Now I hated working not because I was lazy or hated my coworkers, I hate the fact that because my parents couldn’t take care of themselves or me that I had to choose between sports or having a meal to eat. It was thanks to Nate that I got this job as his family eats here a lot like they have a usual table a lot. Clocking in I immediately get to work taking on as many tables as I can to get more tips and hopefully make the end of my shift come faster. During my shift, Nate came by the restaurant and asked to be sat in my section and I raise an eyebrow at him when I notice him.

“What do you want?”

“Who was the guy with Maddy at the party.”

“You gonna order something with that?” I ask and he sighed annoyed. “And it can’t be water.”

“What about a trip to the mall, didn’t you say you wanted a new wardrobe?” He offers. “Deal. His name’s Tyler doesn’t go to our school or if he does, I’ve never seen him but I found his Instagram. There’s nothing interesting. Hell, he might be in college.” I shrugged.

“That's good enough, what’s his-” He stops talking looking behind me and I turn to see who was there. I roll my eyes seeing one of my coworkers who was this annoying older lady, who for some reason couldn’t go one shift without having something to say to me.

“Can I help you, Susan?” I asked annoyed as I glared at her.

“It’s just really unprofessional to have your friends come by while you’re working and not or-”

“And it's really unprofessional to interrupt someone when they’re in the middle of a conversation. And you're not a fucking manager so walk away.” I said scaring her off. “I can’t fucking stand that bitch.”

After giving Nate Tyler’s social, he leaves and I finish up the rest of my shift clocking out. I count out my tips getting over 100$ which was pretty good for a Sunday. Reluctantly I head home to return the car and probably have to make my parents dinner. “Hey, (Y/N) how was school?” My dad asked from the couch as he watched TV. “It's summer break.” I sigh annoyed putting the keys back. “Right, right hey your uncle Bruce gave us a tip. My parole officer is coming by this week can you help me out?”

“Yeah. Just tell me when.” I said softly, wishing I was somewhere else. They could go weeks without noticing if I’m here or not but when it's time to pee in a cup or go on a drug run all of a sudden they remember they have a kid again. I don’t know when exactly my parents became like this I’m just surprised I made this far in life with their parenting. I order two pizzas for the night for my parents so they could have something to eat in the morning and after paying for the delivery head to the bathroom to shower. As I’m getting ready for bed I get a call from Fez.

“Hey Fez, what’s up?”

“Checkin up on you, hadn’t heard from you. Wanted to know if you want to come over, watch a movie or sumthin?”

“Or something?” I repeated teasingly. “I can’t, had a long day and I gotta be here in the morning for my dad. I would’ve loved to though.”

“What does your dad got you doing?”

“Oh you know the usual, gotta pee in a cup for his parole officer. Plus school starts tomorrow and my house is closer than yours.”

“Then let me drive you.” He offered. "No need to go out of your way for me. I’ll be fine.”

“Nah its nothing, let-” He starts but I interrupt.

“Seriously Fez, it's alright. I can take care of myself. Goodnight.” I hang up not waiting for him to respond. I didn’t want to sound rude but I stayed over with Fez a lot this summer and with school starting again I had to get back to my old routine and not depend on him so much.

Before leaving for school I hand my dad my bottle of pee and in an attempt at affection, he pats my head as he thanks me. I mumble a goodbye to him and my mom before leaving out and I come to the stop in my driveway seeing Fez parked outside waiting for me.

“Hey.” I said getting in his car. “Hey, pretty girl.” He responds.

“Shut up.” I said shyly as I looked out the window as he drove me to school. “I told you, you didn’t have to drive me.”

“I know but sometimes your stubborn ass needs to accept help when it's offered.”

“If you keep this up you’ll make me keep depending on you more.” I said as he parked outside the school. “That’s the point.” He answered taking my hand in his.

“Then I guess you’re never getting rid of me.” I said leaning in to kiss him. “I’ll talk to you later. Tell your grandma hi for me.” After getting out I meet up with Maddy and BB eventually running into Cassie.

“Oh, shit that's the girl who tried to commit suicide at Mckay’s.” BB said as we walked past Jules and Rue. “What?” Cassie asked.

“That is not what happened.” I said.

“Oh yeah I forgot, you guys was both fucking.” She pointed to Cassie and Maddy.

“Why does everybody think we fucked?” Maddy stops to say but we keep walking ignoring her. “Alcohol is not good for me.” She said when she caught back up with us.

“So you did fuck him.” BB said.

“Honestly, I think I blacked out.” She said. While the others look at her worried I gave her a side-eye. We run into Kat and I pull Maddy to the side while Cassie and BB talk to Kat.

“Being I’m the only one who knows better we both know you’re lying and did what you did to get back at Nate. So why are we lying to them?” I gestured to the others.

“Cause you're the only one I trust to keep this between us and from Nate.”

“You’re glad I fucking love you 'cause this shit might blow up in your face.” I said wondering how Nate’s gonna react if he believes that Maddy blacked out, especially with how overprotective he is. Deciding it wasn’t my problem we go over to Kat and Maddy hugs her congratulating her on losing her virginity.

“Damn, did everybody have sex at the party?” I asked holding a finger up to Maddy to silence whatever in-denial BS she was gonna say.

After catching up we head to class and I get a text from Nate telling me he was going to skip today and that he wanted to pay me back for that information I found on Tyler for him. The power of teenagers and social media.

I was hiding out in the bathroom sitting on the counter while waiting for Nate to come get me and when people would come in I would make them get lost, so I could be alone. “Find another bathroom.” I said when I heard someone rush inside and I look up to see Rue who freezes at my words. “Oh hey, Rue don’t mind me just killing time.” I said letting her come in.

“Keep a lookout.” She said going into a stall. “Got it.” I reassured. Not a minute later I hear someone walking in and warn Rue. “Hurry up, someone’s coming.”

“Shit, fuck it.” I hear Rue say before flushing the toilet.

“Rue?” We hear Lexi say as she enters the bathroom. “Never mind it's just Howard.” I said and Rue came out of the stall pissed.

“Are you okay?” Lexi asked Rue. “You are so fucking stupid, Lexi.” She answered.

“Why?”

“Cause I already flushed everything.” She said frustrated. “Damn, what a waste.” I said sarcastically still chilling on my phone.

“I just came to check on you.” Lexi explains. “I don’t want you fucking checking on me, what difference are you going to make? Gonna give me life advice? You gonna fucking help me?” Rue rants.

“Well, you’re one of my best friends.” She says and I try not to laugh at this pathetic scene. Lexi just couldn’t accept that the Rue she used to know is gone. I mean I guess it's sweet she doesn’t want to give up on her but I knew firsthand what a waste of time that was.

“You say all this but what happens when you knock on my door asking me to piss in some Tylenol bottle?” She said.

“Then you piss in the bottle. Cause that’s what friends do. They borrow each other’s pee so they can pass a drug test. At least that's how my family works.” I said as I got down from the counter. “Or learn how to say no for once.” Those are my last words before I leave to go meet Nate and head to the mall.

The mall wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be as Nate was constantly texting someone on his phone. Then he disappeared as soon we got there giving me some cash. I found him on the second floor leaning against the railing staring down at the first floor. Approaching him I match my line of sight with his to see who he was staring at and I see Tyler working at a kiosk. “So this is why you brought me here.” I said setting my bags down to lean against the railing. “What’s your plan to watch him until he gets off?” He nods his head eyes not moving from Tyler. “You’re insane.” I said with a sigh. “Watch my stuff.”

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“You’ll see.” I said and get on the escalator to go down to the first floor. I head toward the kiosk approaching Tyler with a flirtatious smile. “Oh my gosh, hi Tyler. (Y/N) you probably remember my friend more than me.”

“Hey, of course, I remember you, you introduced me to her.”

“Really?” I said in a faux bashful tone. “Then what time do you get out of here?”

“Not for another 4 hours.” He said and I pout at his answer. A customer wanting assistance comes up to the counter and I take this as my chance to leave.

“Maybe I’ll see you later then.” I said leaving before he answered. I take the escalator back upstairs to Nate and my stuff.

“What did you just do?” He asked annoyed. “Helped you out he gets off in 4 hours so it's enough time for you to drop me off and come back to continue your stalking.” I answered picking up my bags and head back to Nate’s truck. On the way to the truck, I noticed he started texting someone again and when we got in the truck I asked, “Who are you texting? I know it's not Maddy since she fucked Tyler.” He glares at me. “Allegedly.”

He shows me his screen of some type of dating app and I see his messages between Jules and shyguy118. “Are you catfishing the new girl?” I asked amused.

“Payback for the shit she pulled at the party.” He said starting the truck to take me to Fez’s gas station. “I don’t know if I would consider catfishing equivalent to pulling a knife on you as payback.”

“It’ll all come together eventually.” He said ominously leaving me intrigued. So I left it at that. Since I saw no point in going back to school for the day I plan to stop by to see Fez and head to work early to not waste the day. I saw Fez chilling behind the counter and he smiles upon seeing me and I smile in return as I lean on the counter across from him. “Thought you was at school?” He asked tucking my hair behind my ear.

“I was but Nate hit me up and we skipped so he could take me shopping in return for a favor I did for him.” I explained and his smile dropped at the mention of Nate. I knew Fez wasn’t a big fan of Nate but he was dealing with it as I was friends with Nate for a long time.

“Next time ask me, I’ll gladly spoil you with a trip to the mall.” He said and I smile shyly.

“Then what would I keep Nate around for?” I joked and outside Nate honks the horn as a message to hurry up and I roll my eyes. “And speak of the devil. Anyway, I just wanted to stop by since I’m going straight to work from here.”

“How’s it going at home?” He asked.

“Besides the empty fridge not the worse, didn’t even know I was gone for the half summer. Or that it was summer vacation at all.”

“Then if you want, you should come over tomorrow night or even stay over again if you want, if that's cool with you.” He offered.

“How’d you know I was missing you already.” I said kissing him. “It's tempting but I don’t wanna bur-”

“You not a burden.” He interrupts. “You been sayin' that all summer and I swear you ain’t. Just let me take care of you.” I can’t help the way my heart races at his words and it makes me wanna scream that he won’t make it official.

“Keep talking like that I’m gonna start calling you my bo-” Nate honks the horn again but this time holding it longer interrupting me.

“What was you sayin?” Fez asked after he stopped and I shake my head.

“Nothing important. Yeah, I’ll come over tomorrow, also I’m gonna get a bag of chips, so I can at least show I thought about him.” I said leaving cash on the counter and grabbing a random bag of chips I go back to Nate’s truck pissed that when I finally had the courage to try and define the relationship he fucked it up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After work when I get back home I go through my messages and an acquaintance from the cheer team before I had to quit sent me a video link telling me it's Kat in the video. I click on the link and it takes me to pornhub and I start to roll my eyes annoyed thinking I was getting fucked with before the video shows a girl getting fucked from the back. The girl being Kat or someone who looks like- Oh who am I kidding of course it's her don’t even have to see her face to know. I sent the video to Maddy asking her if she’s seen it and she sent it to Kat but she denies that it was her. All I can say is that with this video, Jules threatening Nate with a knife, Nate catfishing Jules in retaliation, and the Maddy and Tyler mess the school year was off to a chaotic start. I love it.

The next morning after getting ready I packed a bag for Fez’s place and made sure I took the cash I had earned throughout the summer with me as my parents sometimes went through my stuff looking for money when I’m not here. I put my stuff in the backseat of the car and went to school. After school, I walked out with Maddy, BB, and Cassie heading to my car but Nate and Mckay were outside waiting on them. So BB and I split from them talking for a while before I went to work. After work, I head to Fez’s house in the rain, and while I’m grabbing my bag from the backseat Rue arrives on her bike soaked. “You came all the way here in the rain.” I said shaking my head and she goes up to Fez’s door knocking constantly flipping off the cameras they had above the door.

“Hey open the door!”

“What do you want?” Ash asked still not opening the door.

“Ash let us in, Rue’s soaked.” I said and going through my bag to give her some dry socks or something as he opened the door. “Yo, who is it, man?” Fez asked. Rue goes in walking straight past him to his room and I give him a wave and sit on the couch.

“Hold on, hold on, you can’t be in here right now.” Fez told Rue and I wondered why it was a big deal she was here.

“I need some, some OCs and some socks.” She said coming out of his room and sits down on the couch.

“I offered you some socks when we were outside.” I remind. “No, you didn’t.” She corrects.

“Damn. You know, I thought about it, I just didn’t say it.” I said putting my bag down on the floor to look for a pair of socks again.

“Rue, I ain’t fuckin’ playing with you. Come on you can’t be in here.” Fez said interrupting our conversation.

“Look Fez, I’m fucking drenched. Okay? And uh… I’m out of drugs. So don’t be a dick.” She says making what she thinks are valid points.

“That’s not my fucking problem. You gotta get up out of my house before these motherfuckers come through.” He explained and I realized why he was acting like this. His supplier guy was on the way and when he came around I stayed hidden in his room but I don’t think Rue could stay quiet until they were gone like me especially when she wanted drugs.

“All I need is a couple OC’s and some Xannies. And why just me? You're not kicking (Y/N) out.”

“Maybe 'cause I was invited.” I said dryly. “Where are your pants?” I asked just realizing that she wasn’t wearing anyway.

“Look that’s all I need and I can be gone.” She begs.

“Yo, I’m trying to tell you, I don’t got shit right now. Like… Come back in a few hours, I got you, whatever you need.” He said but Rue still puts up a fight and they continue going back and forth.

“My guy’s about to come through here. I don’t want you here when he gets here, you understand?”

“That scary-looking guy right? I know the drill.” I said standing up to go to his room attempting to make Rue come with me but it was too late. His phone rings on the table and he looks from it to Rue pissed.

“Rue I could fucking kill you right now. Yo, Ash, they’re here. Look I’m serious, Rue just stay right there keep your mouth shut, and be cool.” He ordered. “These dudes ain’t fucking around.” He pulls his gun out from in between the couch cushions that Rue and I were seated on checking his bullets before returning back to its hidden spot. Rue and I sit back down and I glance over at her seeing a hint of fear as she realizes how serious Fez was when Mouse and his associate I always forgot the name of came in. And as they came in Fez sits on the couch across from us and Mouse’s attention immediately fell on us sitting next to Rue.

“So these your little bitches.” He said and I bite my tongue not to say something smart. “Nah bruh, they’re my little sisters.” He said and I looked to my lap to hide my disappointment at his words.

“Well, hello there lil sisters.” Mouse said holding his hand out to us. Rue gives him her hand and he kisses it doing the same to mind and I begin to bounce my leg nervous. “Yo, Custer toss me that bag.” He starts to tell Fez everything he has which piques Rue’s interest and I nudge her foot with mine shaking my head. Custer runs him the numbers giving Fez the total he has to pay.

“Sure you don’t want no Fentanyl?” Mouse asks.

“Nah, man I’m cool off that shit. There's too many ODs and I don’t want the heat.”

“How about the little sisters? You ever try Fentanyl?” Mouse asked turning his attention back to us.

“I’m a high schooler with a C- average, I can’t even spell Fentanyl.” I said monotone getting my usual courage back and Mouse laughs.

“I see lil sis has a sense of humor.” He turns his attention to Rue. “What about you lil sis?”

“No.” She answers.

“No, she’s good, bruh.” Fez answers for her. “Gonna let big brother talk for you?” Mouse instigates getting irritated.

“I don’t know.” Rue says looking at Fez. “Don’t look at him. Look at me.” Mouse orders putting a sample of it on a blade. “You ever try it?”

“Yo, for real, bruh. I don’t want her fucking with that shit.” Fez tries again to intervene. “I’m, I’m good actually.” Rue said.

“What don’t trust me?” He said and Fez again tries to intervene. “Shut the fuck up, bitch. Ain’t nobody talkin’ to you. Tell your big brother I’m not talking to him right now.” He said and brought the blade of Fentanyl closer to Rue’s lips. “Don’t be scared. It’s not gonna bite you.” Rue looks to Fez who shakes his head and I slightly nudge her hoping to convince her to say no again but in the end takes the drug which works pretty fast. She starts to lay down laying her head in my lap.

“You like the way that feels? You want a couple of patches, girl?” Mouse asks her.

“Okay.” Rue agrees and I look at her worried as he tucks the patches into her shorts placing her leg atop his lap. “It's gonna cost you 300.” Mouse said.

“I only have two dollars.” She mumbles and I look at her like she’s crazy. “Who comes with only two dollars to b-” I catch myself. “Not important.”

“I said 300.” He repeated starting to stroke her leg.

“Where are my pants?” She mumbles. “You took them off.” I whispered to her.

“I’ll just, just give it back.” She said but Mouse didn’t like her answer.

“I got a strict no-return policy.” He placed his hand on Rue’s leg. “Yo, Mouse let me pay for it, man.” Fez said.

“I thought you was too good for Fentanyl. What is it? Everybody’s changing their motherfucking minds on me? If she can’t afford it, she gonna have to find another way of paying me.” Mouse said sliding his hand further up her leg and I roll my eyes to reach for my bag.

“I’ll pay for it.” I said bringing his attention to me, thankfully causing his hand to freeze. “Nah, let me pay for it.” Fez said trying to stop me but I shake my head. “I got it.” I pull out the 300 handing it to Mouse.

“Dang. Your sister must love you. It's gonna cost 600 now.” He told me after counting the money. I roll my eyes again go back into my bag and give him basically all the tip money I earned over the summer. “You got a reliable little sister.” He said to Fez and removes his hand from Rue’s leg and finally leaves along with Custard. After they leave I go to grab the Narcan while Fez and Ash flush the Fentanyl. I put a blanket over Rue and grab her phone trying to figure out where to take Rue as she couldn’t stay here or at mine as both places were stocked with drugs. She can’t go home as her mom would probably kill her and Lexi wasn’t an option as her mom would probably tell Rue’s mom.

“I’m so happy.” Rue says although I could barely hear her.

“Well at least one of us is.” I said annoyed.

“You alright?” Fez asked me when he came back and I nod my head. “Just pissed I just lost a summer’s worth of hard work. I’ll have to survive off my paycheck… Again.”

“Let me pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’ll just be more money Rue owes you. And I’ll survive. I always do.” I said with a sigh as I kept scrolling through Rue’s phone till I saw Jules and called her. “Hey um this is (Y/N), I’m a friend of Rue’s” I explained to her that Rue was basically incapacitated and needed somewhere to stay as her mom would kill her and Jules agrees to let her stay with her.

“After I drop Rue off I’m gonna head home. I’ll stay another time maybe.” I said ready for this shitty night to end.

“Ar-”

“After what just happened I kinda just wanna be alone.” I explained interrupting him. “Can you help me with her?”

Not pushing it further he helps me carry Rue to my car while I go get her clothes from his room. He lays her down in the backseat and goes to give me a kiss on the cheek but I pull away remembering how Fez doesn’t see me as anything but a friend and get in the car without another word.

#euphoria #fezco fanfic #fezco x reader #fez x y/n #fezco x you #fez x reader #nate jacobs #maddy perez #rue euphoria

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pickledwoso · 5 days ago

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how are you learning spanish? do you have any tips it’s so hard 🥲

it is hard!!! here’s the link to a post i made a while back about things i was doing to learn spanish before i moved. i didn't end up having as much time to practice spanish beforehand as i would have liked, but i still stand by everything on that list. however, after a month and a half here, my actual biggest tips are:

obviously easier said than done, but the biggest thing is getting over the fear of making mistakes and/or sounding stupid. that is the single biggest thing that will hold you back from learning a language. you have to be willing to put yourself out there, practice, and make mistakes. the only way you learn is by doing it. and also nobody actually thinks you sound stupid! i've never had anyone be rude to me for trying to speak their language and doing it poorly (except a few french people ahahaha), and spanish people in particular are SO nice about it! i went to a ferretería near my apartment the other day and once i´d told the guy working that i only speak a little spanish and didn´t understand whatever he had just rattled off to me about drying racks, he spent at least ten minutes talking to me in spanish and asking me about myself and telling me what he´d said in simpler terms and it was so sweet!

learn basic phonics. please. i beg. as soon as possible. don’t start with hello how are you where is the toilet thank you goodbye, start with phonics. this doesn´t apply so much for languages like english, which often doesn´t follow pronunciation rules, but many other languages do, and learning the rules as early as possible will make your pronunciation and accent miles better. so many native english speakers don´t realize that vowels in spanish consistently sound the same, for example (a always makes the same sound, e always makes the same sound, etc.) so they pronounce them with english vowel patterns and it sounds so unnatural and is a hard habit to break down the road. there´s so many other little things too, like the fact b and v make pretty much the same sound in spanish (at least in spain), hard vowels like d and t are pronounced much softer than in english, etc. practice your pronunciation a lot early on and it will make a huge difference! people often assume i speak more spanish than i do because i have a half decent accent and this is why.

as everyone says, immerse yourself as much as possible. obviously this is harder if you don’t live in a country where your target language is spoken, but there are so other ways to do this. change your phone to spanish. listen to and watch spanish content. find a language exchange buddy. you get out what you put in etc etc etc. i didn’t immerse myself as much as i could have when i was in the US and my spanish has skyrocketed since being here - a month and a half ago A1 was generous and today i’d say i understood around 60-70% of the conversations i overheard at work.

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broken-clover · 19 days ago

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Ayo hope you're doin good as of reading this, I do have a quick question regarding the Cloverswap AU (if you're still doing that btw)

Does Terumi feel guilty about the first world (I.E the Age Of The Origin, and the start of the Prime Field Device War)? Also, does Terumi consider Izanami a sibling, seeing as she IS apart of The Master Unit, does he like bothering her or surprising her with affection (if he does)?

(I suppose I need something soft to take my mind off of things...)

Trying to wrap my brain around everything to do with the Prime Fields feels like a losing battle (I have genuinely tried to understand Blazblue's story but I really cannot parse all of the random stuff they keep tossing in so I've kinda just given up)

For the most part I just keep the general strands of Terumi's background since weirdly his motivations are mostly straightforward (and, admittedly, perfectly reasonable at first? I'd get bored if my entire job was tied to destroying the things my sister made.) Like with a lot of the stuff about Kazuma I think a lot of Terumi's fuckups were done either accidentally or out of ignorance since he'd spent eons floating around in nothing.

Like, oh! There's something new here! I wanna play with it! Maybe I can show it to my siblings- wait no no no fuck stop poking my sister you're making her angry!! Uhh well now there's someone inside my sister, are you my sister now? I guess that's nice, I wanna see where she came from- wait where did the world go. Did I mess up. Shit.

Though the Boundary is stuffed full of information, since he was basically just floating in the void smashing things as necessary Terumi didn't really understand a lot of mortal concepts. At best, the idea of them was very abstract. He's the baby sibling of the trio, his job isn't to understand, it's to destroy the things he's supposed to destroy. The idea of him causing a war because he wanted to play with the Weird New Thing swimming in his home never crossed his mind as a possibility since, well, why would it? He's just playing, why would that he a bad thing?

When the idea sinks in that technically, the destruction of the old world was his fault, he's veeeeery upset by it. Susanoo curls up in a dark spot somewhere for a few millennia, even hesitant to destroy Amaterasu's creations like he's supposed to because he's worried about breaking everything again on accident. But with enough time, he's simply too curious to not take a peek at the new reality his sister is in charge of now. He wants to know about the new world, but he now also knows that flaunting himself and his siblings to mortals is a bad idea.

I imagine in addition to being easier to travel around in, having a human body gave him some additional reassurance that most people wouldn't find him very interesting. When he first met Relius, he was very apprehensive at the idea of giving arcane knowledge to mortals, even if his curiosity won out in the end. He did spend several minutes making Relius pretty please cross his heart to not use the boundary knowledge for evil. Had he not encountered sweaterdad Relius the world probably would have been fucked because Terumi also barely understood what lying was at that point, Relius is like the one guy that would have said 'yes' and meant it.

Imagining Terumi and Izanami is weirdly funny because I figure he'd be very confused about their relationship, at least until someone mentions the mere idea of her maybe being considered his little sister, and then it's all over because Terumi's just hung up on the thought that he's not the youngest anymore (given his experience with Amaterasu and Tsukiyomi he automatically assumes older = in charge and makes the rules).

I am still not 100% on how Cloverswap Izanami works but in any case I could see Terumi being overenthusiastically overbearing and that ending up with him getting stabbed by her for it. he's more emotionally wounded than anything.

#ask #blazblue #yuuki terumi #cloverswap

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wisyhana · 11 months ago

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Hello,

I hope this is okay. This is something I want to finish, and I'm having a bit of trouble with developing style and with body proportions and depth. I want to take time to learn to draw again, since I haven't since I was in middle school.

Thank you if you choose to answer.

Hewoo!

Okay okay, there's a lot to grab here so I'll go with the three things you asked.

First of all, this is a great start! I love that you're trying to add details on the hair to create a sense of volume. A little bit of more practice and you'll start getting the shortcuts.

Don't give up and keep with the art. You have a wonderful path waiting for you.

Okay now for what you're trying to get: style, body proportions and depth. My biggest advice would be to keep an order in what to lear first and last.

First you gotta start with body proportions. The easy way to understand the body is by using shapes. All bodies are different so not all bodies are gonna respect the "7 heads proportion rule" (also rules exist to break them meheheh)

For anything body related, in my opinion, is to use your own body as reference. It doesn't matter if your body is not exactly the one you want to draw, but it will help you understand how it works. Take pictures of yourself and draw shapes on it. The body isn't always circles, it can be rectangles, squares and a giant etc. and the more you study your own body the easier will get to stablish a shape.

Once you get to translate a body into shapes, it's time for the depth. Depth comes from full observation. You're already observing your own body or a reference (please don't use pinterest, take pictures yourself) so you have to perceive how the shapes get volume.

Depth is all about volume. With volume comes distance. So your questions have to be: How far this shape goes? To which direction goes? How much the shadow bends in relation of the shape? How can translate this?

It's very difficult to have a good grasp on volumes, bc you have to translate a 3D image to a 2D medium. And you can only get it once you observe and try to replicate a ton of times. This part is all about try and error.

In my experience I couldn't get hands quiet right, so I used a lot of my own hands as references. But it wasn't until later that I understood some lines that immediately helped me to have a better idea of how to draw it. I learned that I need to understand what I'm seeing before knowing how to draw it.

Drawing is not about drawing things exactly as you see them. It's about creating shortcuts and giving the idea of something real.

We artist are the biggest liars of the world. We pretend we know in our drawings but do we really know? Ehehehe

And finale! Art Style. Look, in my opinion, Style is something that comes naturally. It's a mixed between the things you like and the things you learned. But you cannot force it.

Art Style is always evolving and sometimes will never look the same again. So as long as you put a lot into practice, your abilities will show up and with it your art style will glow up.

I'm an artist who thinks a lot before drawing, so I hope this type of advice can help you in a way or another.

Again, keep with the practice, is the most beautiful and frustrating part of being an artist.

Don't forget to have fun too.

#ask

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spinarak-bite · 1 year ago

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R: Rules

do they follow rules?

would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

//join the rulebreaker side superhero >:)

1- I'm a vigilante, so I tend to follow most of the rules. Not all of them tho...

2- laid-back af. My parents were also pretty laid-back, only keeping me from doing things like, idk, commiting a crime, and I want to be like them IF I ever have kids

3- The only rule I broke in my entire life was when I broke into someone's house while trying to catch a thief. The cops understood why I did it, so nothing happened to me. This is also a reminder to never try to imitate movies and comic books, it doesn't work and your body might end up with A LOT of glass cuts

4- nope

5- yes... dumbest rule ever is how you need the kahunas permission to travel between islands

like, why????

they usually just give their stamps out for free anyway, not like it would change anything if this rule simply didn't exist

ok, maybe it does make it easier to stop your children from running away to an entirely different island in alola but still

#spinarak man #pkmn irl #pokemon irl #pokeblogging #pokemon #pokemon rp #real pokemon #pokemon roleplay #rotomblr #ask game

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j-exclamationmark-l · 2 months ago

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Community for me is a weird topic.

I grew up always feeling like I didn't belong - too Asian for the white community, not the "correct" type of Asian for most Asians (Korean people were especially cruel to me in Washington). Even now, I'm too white to be accepted in Asia, which was something I wasn't really expecting before I came here. My dad even made me feel very not at home. I guess what I'm saying is, I had no feeling of community.

My partner is showing me the British drama Doc Martin and the thought of everyone in a small town knowing and recognizing you sounds absolutely mortifying to me. I freak out when my favorite shop says "long time no see." I feel uncomfortable knowing staff at a supermarket notices and comments on the fact I drink a certain type of coffee. On a weird level I kind of proudly held myself to a Parks and Rec Ron Swanson standard - ah, here's a character who knows just how I feel, and he's an admirable and independent man with many characteristics I admire, so clearly being afraid of community is good. I openly told my partner walking into a shop and being greeted by name sounded like a nightmare to me. I said I like Tokyo because there are so many people here that I feel it's easier to not be of enough notice to interact with.

Sometimes my partner browses Tiktok. Today I was just watching his timeline with him when I noticed there were a lot of foreigners coming here complaining about the way they're treated. It's not just Tiktok, for example yesterday on YouTube he started playing a long video by a white girl complaining that Japanese people don't want to sit next to foreigners on trains. There are so many of these videos of foreigners coming here and either thinking they'll immediately be accepted into the community, or worse, think that being foreign makes them a kind of unicorn that's allowed to break these understood social norms and get away with it. My "favorite" is white men who get upset that Japanese women get mad when they cheat, they think they should get away with it because they think they're the only white man in Japan. I've even been messaged by men from the Yokosuka navy base (who didn't clock me as foreign as well) immediately treating me like shit because they think Japanese women are more likely to put up with it (think passport bros).

It struck me today that it bothered me because these people who are complaining have probably never experienced never fitting in to a community before. They don't bother to learn the rules and accepted behaviors here, a lot of them don't care or think it's fine because everyone should understand they come from a different community with different rules. I know there is some leeway we should be granted but a lot of the complaints I see I think could be solved by just being more aware and polite. Don't get me wrong, I hate the police as much as anyone, but I know better than to start a fight with cops and insult them to their face when they're holding your ID.

I see foreigners come here and say there should be more western food and fewer izakayas. I knew a girl who cried once because we didn't want to go to McDonald's for dinner with her. I have low tolerance for people who come here because they like anime and then make fun of Japanese food (don't get me wrong disliking just natto or being uncomfortable with raw fish is fine but when you meet people who hate everything except McDonald's and expect you to go with them every time to get the same food you can get anywhere else it gets obnoxious).

It just feels like foreigners are coming here and not respecting the culture here and wanting to impose their own culture... I came here because I liked this culture. I came here knowing I'd have to adapt and learn a language and learn a different set of social skills, I accepted all of that when I made the decision to move here.

I like the architecture. I like the art. I like the music. I love kanji. I love the flow of the language. I love the food, I love the fashion, I love the beauty in the nature here. I feel safe. I've tripped on the sidewalk and had people rush to help me. I had a man chase me down because he saw me drop my phone and he gave it back to me. When I first moved to Osaka, an old lady dropped everything to help me navigate the trains. I love how I can take the last train home, the first train at 5am home, and despite having had bad experiences here before, I'm not scared to walk home by myself.

In America, I remember owning fu dog statues that were stolen off our property. How? Each one was hella heavy. We also had fish statues. We had to hide them after a while because despite being up the driveway, up the porch and in front of our door, people always stuffed garbage in the fishs' mouths. I accepted as a teen I would be sexually harassed by my neighbors on the short walk from my bus stop to my house. I had a friend from Mexico here in Japan marvel how people felt safe enough to leave things like chairs outside of restaurants because in Mexico leaving things out was an invitation to have it stolen.

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those things! I'm so glad in Japan there isn't really a culture of stealing or littering and I feel so safe most of the time. I don't want other cultures imposed over this one.

This is getting long and I have a lot to say on this subject but I don't know how to articulate it properly. But it's also 1am so I'll wrap it up here.

#personal

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sanini-panini · 2 years ago

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OKAY LAST ONE I THINK but. friends off tumblr threw questions at me from this oc ask game and i'm cross posting here for funsies (part 5). this one is also for all nineteen guys, but it's a lot easier because i have a chart of these since it's relevant to the soul hunt arc of karai's chosen.

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

THE ENNEAD

jinal - i talked about this already here! the tldr is "you're keeping the others here, condemning them to hell along with you."

haku - "you're just like the necromancer." when the necromancer told haku about his plan to reset the universe, haku immediately rejected it--but a small part of them understood the reasoning. they hate that part of them with a passion. now luckily, peter says this exact thing to haku in canon, as ill-advised as this sounds. peter actually beautifully dissects haku's thought process, so i'll let him do the talking:

“Ten years ago, you violated your own rules, though, didn’t you?” Peter said slyly, circling the soul splinter like a snake surrounding its prey. “You sacrificed ten innocent mortal lives to save your family from prison. You changed your definition of an acceptable sacrifice, and that still scares you, because now that the line has been crossed, you’re afraid you’ll keep going in that direction until you become exactly the villain you’re fighting against. After all, that’s exactly how The Necromancer was born.”

minerva - "you are a self-centered leech." which is basically what jinal said to her right before killing her for the first time.

ven - "you have not lived up to the opportunities they gave you." related, of course, to the fact that ven was raised by minerva, jinal, and kai, and she cannot help but feel like she has let them down. (she has not) (she really has not)

kai - generally speaking, the ticket here is the insult mateen used to break kai right before killing him: "promises are cheap, kai, especially coming from you." currently in canon, however, you could probably say something like "jinal and ven are dying slowly and you're doing nothing to save them" and that would work just fine!

mateen - "after all these years, you haven't learned a thing. you still become a monster at the slightest hint of danger to the people you care about." if you want bonus points, you could mention skye.

ridwan - "the people you hold dear are precious gems, better than you'll ever be, and your presence only detracts from their worth." speaking, of course, about felix, jinal, and silpa.

silpa - "you've worked so hard to prevent something horrible from happening, and it's not enough. it will never be enough. it's all pointless in the end." no one had to tell silpa this directly. by the end of the fifty year imprisonment, she already knew it to be true.

felix - "you're dragging them down with your incompetence." the day felix learned that mateen was only doing yaran's bidding to keep felix safe was the day felix picked up this insecurity. it's never left him.

THE NEW GUARD

ilia - "you're just like the Ennead." the Ennead screwed over every main character in the cast by saddling them with illegal powers against their will and ilia doesn't really want to be like that. she doesn't want to be a god--but auster forces her to reconsider.

morgan - "you'll never make anything of yourself. you're trapped, and you'll never escape your father's grasp." she already thinks this on her own, but killing that last little bit of hope in her would crush her.

peter - talked about this here! the tldr is "your death will achieve little, and those left behind will mourn."

juli - "you're a weakling, and if you can't let go of your silly little fears, you'll die in the dirt, forgotten and unloved." i haven't touched on this a whole lot, but juli is afraid of dying... and they think this is a bad thing, bc when you're a footsoldier, it kind of is a bad thing.

lian - ooookay not to be on the nose about this but i think the answer to this is identical to their patron's. oops. "you have not lived up to the opportunities they gave you," in reference to the parents who adopted them out to keep them safe.

joshua - "you're a monster, joshua tenine." next question.

rae - "they should've survived instead of you." referencing the fact that rae and his parents all drowned in the same car, but rae survived because he was chosen by a god, so to speak. haku kept rae alive until help arrived, and rae constantly questions why it was him.

karyme - "you were gifted powers, and yet you haven't lived up to them. you are still useless to those around you." this is probably a normal insecurity to have when you are the only person on the team who both cannot use a weapon and does not have a combat power.

dani - "you will inevitably turn into your mother. it is impossible for you to become anything other than what you were raised to be." i am keeping this vague because i have yet to mention in canon what, specifically, dani was raised to be.

auster - "you're just a liability, helpless to protect those you care about." no one told auster this outright, but he definitely got the message loud and clear over the course of karai's chosen and it has caused him to take some. questionable risks. it's fine.

#sajani talks #ask games #oc tag #this is the plot of karai's chosen #like seriously. this is the core of the whole soul hunt arc.#i'm not tagging all nineteen of them bc that would be ridiculous

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writingfool001 · 2 years ago

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Hi can I request a reader that is naturally beautiful but really bad when it comes to caring for their health(eats a lot of sweets and doesn't do skincare and often forgets to wash their hair) with vil, Rook and Riddle.

Self-Care Matters

Author's Note: I relate to the being really bad at health. Also drink more water and get sleep!!

Pairing: Vil, Rook, and Riddle x GN reader.

Vil

This man is quaking in his heels and would question how he never noticed until now. Obviously, you are stunning and could knock a crowd down with your looks, but you needed to take care of yourself. He would either ask you about any allergies or Epel since he would hang out more with you. Internally, he fainted when you told him that you barely washed your hair, considering you were always rushing around with hardly any time to yourself. He will put together an entire basket of skincare and haircare products for you to use while throwing a couple of his own concoctions in.

He would come over and you two would spend the time having a small spa day. After washing your hair, he would take you through the steps on the skincare and even numbered the bottles for you. (Listen, I know nothing about skincare so whenever someone gives me a kit, I need to number the bottles) He would suggest you cut back on some of the sweets and drink more water. He would help you keep a self-care routine, and he would occasionally trat you to a spa day off campus. He would probably give you refills or help buy the products when you needed them.

Rook

He loves you and everything about you. When he first saw you, he swooned when you glanced in his direction and when he met you, he fell even more. Translation: Simp. He would notice that you weren’t really taking care of yourself, and he understood you were constantly running around. He decided to treat you to a small spa day which was also time to spend with you. If you wanted to trim/cut your hair so you can manage it easier, then Rook would help the best he could. He would bring products from Vil’s line and would tell you how wonderfully they would work. He would go through the entire process, teaching you what he has learned from Vil, and give you other products to maintain your hair when you are in a rush.

He would likely sing you serenade you a bit when he saw you relaxed and saw your hair as well as your glowing face. He would remind you through little notes and ask how you were doing with your new routines. He would remind you to drink your water and would offer you other snacks rather than your sweets. I could see him also stealing some of your sweets for himself and he would use it to exchange kisses.

Riddle

He was worried that you were going to collapse and wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself. He almost lost it when he found out the amounts of sweets you would eat and immediately tried to help find alternative snacks. He would probably threaten to cut you off from Trey. Remember, he was trying to help the best he could. He makes sure you take care of yourself and drinks water to help balance out the sweets. He would break sometimes when you offer to share some sweets with him.

He would try skincare with you because out of the other two, he is more than likely going in blindly. So, you both are wearing facial masks while trying to read through the steps of the skincare. He would make sure to have teatime for the both of you to give you time to rest during all the chaos. Little do you know, he made personal rules for you to take care of yourself and remember to wash your hair. He gladly takes kisses as thanks when you two are in private.

#twisted wonderland x mc #twisted wonderland x reader #twst headcanons #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader

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knynumber1simphere · 2 years ago

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Obanai Iguro x Male y/n

You were a demon, one that didn't show fear, and had no regrets. You hated company, and you hated people that got close to people you trusted, or people that broke the rules. You might have been a demon, but you trained yourself to object human blood, and instead you take animals, which does the same affect, and surprisingly there was rare blooded animals as well, and you've consumed 2, which leads to 2 hundred. You also kill and eat demons to make the demon slayers job a little easier. You glanced the sun from a tinted window in a restraint. You were well known around here and a lot of people new you were a demon. People trusted you ,a nd you did the same. Though there were some nay-sayers, you didn't let that stop you. You were the guardian of this village and never will you let any being hurt your friends. The waiter came up to you and smiled, "Hello Y/n nice to see you again, what may I get you?", she giggled. You smiled back, and faced her and away from the window, "I'll like a normal White chocolate coffee", you asked. She tilted her head, "Why do you drink coffee? I thought it doesn't fill you?", you assumed. You sigh, "It doesn't, I just like the taste", you pat her hand that was leaning on the table. She blushes, "I under-stand, sir", she stuttered while walking away as fast as possible. You were a sign of beauty, and a lot of people had little crushed on you, but you didn't really care about them, since there was only one man for you. You were only interest in men, and she knew that, yet she couldn't help but hope. You pulled out a photo of a childhood friend, that lived in a family of all females. He said that he didn't like it their and that he ran away but soon catch by what seemed like his mother. Though you didn't know him all that well, you spent around 4 mouths together before he was taken back.

3 hours Later

News of another demon in your village catch your attention. You moved to the news paper and growled, and if you knew what this growl was like to other humans, you'll be scared of yourself. You walk to the edge of the village and see something move. I draw my long sharp unbreakable nails reaching the ground. I get into my stance, "Who's out there, I swear if your the demon that's killed two of my beloved villager, I will end you with much torcher. Though any demons could regenerate, your nails had the same effect as a demon slayers sword, so you were able to kill them with ease. You moved forward, and...

SLASH. Your ear was chopped of in an instant. You jump back dogdeing the next attack that was going to follow. You sharpen your nails, "Listen here, I will not let you pass this point you deserving demo-", you got knocked back into another tree. Their was a man with a black a white Kimono, in a stripe pattern. You tilted your head, "Oh? Are you apart of the demon slayer corps? I haven't met a slayer yet. Nice to mee-", he slashed you again, but missed. He had hatred in his eyes and it looked like he wanted to kill you. You understood and took a deep breath, "Please stop, there is a rule standing that the demons of my kind should not be harmed in this village/ hey, stop trying to attack me and listen you rule breaking punk", you move forward with amerce speed deactivating your demon ability and just cut his arm, "You sir need to take a chill pilll and read the instruction, we are both trying to defeat the demon that's killing my people, so let's work together and -", this guy wasn't giving up on killing you. You sighed and used your second demon technique and chopped the side of his neck but using the speed of light, "I warned you didn't I?", you picked him up bridal style and carried him to the nursing home to help him get back from a cut and a chop to the neck, while you went out and consumed some more old animal from the farm. You were right in the middle of eating some chicken, but you found the demon and decided to eat him instead. (Don't do battle scenes to well)

5 hours later.

You got back to then nursery and saw the man from before, but before you could walk up to him you say the young girl talking to him, "Sorry about our little demon sir. He might seem like a normal demon, but trust me he's as loving as any human, though he is quite stuck up. He's never eaten a human, and instead he feeds off the demons or the old animals from the farm. It's been this way for 4 year now, and I say 99% of people like him, and sometimes more says then one", she says winking. You never really knew you were that important, but it was nice to know people liked you. She continued, "He also is like our own little demon slay-", she sees you in the corner of her eye and flusters up, "S-sorry, I d-didn't know y-you were there. Sorry~", she stuttered from embarrassment. You sighed, "It's fine, I know all this already", you said while looking at the demon slayer, "And by the way, I've already killed the demon that's been killing my people, so when your ready you can leave, but if you want to stay, then that’s your choice. I was going to walk out but something grabbed my hand. I turn back to see a blue and yellow eyed man, “I didn’t really get to see your face before, what’s with the mask?”

"If what your saying is true then I need proof", he said with a stern tone. You sigh walking over to the nurse, and gently lift her arm, "May I?", you asked so politely.

"Of course", he blushed. You lifted her arm and pieced her her skin gently. You took the blood and rubbed it on your nose and mouth. You look back at the snake boy and smirk, "I'm amuse to blood, in fact I find human blood disgusting"

"But... It seems like you need to come with me", he demanded. What the hell is this guy on about?

#obanai x you #kny x male reader #kny x y/n #kny x reader #bxb #kny x you #iguro obanai #obanaiiguro #demon slayer obanai #kny obanai #obanai x y/n #Obanai x male reader #obanai x reader #obanai x male y/n

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606nox · 2 years ago

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Lol it's 11:23 so I'm gunna write angst

Dorm leaders +middle school yuu

To elaborate more the yuu in this has been through trauma but not physical (mainly because I just know mental abuse is so it's easier to write ) the yuu has been through stuff like being bullied. Also they had a bit depression but got help and is now better. So read it your own discretion

When riddle learned that their was a middle schooler age teen. He was ready to have to use his unquie magic on you but surprisingly you were the total opposite of the Adeuce trio. Which he enjoyed very much. He is a bit more lenient with the rules because you actually put in effort into trying to follow them and because your actually truly sorry when you accidentally break a rule.

After he overblots he feels really bad because he made a middle schooler deal with him having a tantrum and not gonna lie the was a bit scared that you loss respect for him. But instead of losing respect for him it seems that you gained respect. Once he gets better from the overblot he. He went to plan a way to say sorry to you but when he got to heartslabyul he saw that you had just finished making something turns out you made a tart for him and when he tried to apologize. You just "you couldn't control it. it's also not like you even knew your mom was mental abusing you" although you were just a teen he suddenly felt understood like someone finally knew how he felt. But after that whole thing it left riddle wondering a few things. Why did you know so much it was like you had experienced it. He also took a few things into account first you almost never talk. 2 You know a surprising amount about mental abuse. 3 your like 13. Original he was just going to salve this by himself. But some how the Adeuce trio found out and ace just asked you to which replied with. " oh I just went through stuff "ace asked for specifics and you just said " oh before. I had depression from age 7 and that lasted for till I was eleven. so yeah I was suicidal " they were all like I know that ace asked for specifics but shiet dude. Not to mention that you said it so casual. After you have to start doing a lot of reassuring that yes your fine you doing ok now and you will not try anything. But at the end of the day riddle gains waaaay more respect for you

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland dorm leader #twisted wonderland heartslabyul riddle rosehearts #twisted wonderland heartslabyul riddle #heartslayul #heartslabyul dormleader #dormleader #riddle + middle school yuu #truamatuzed middle schooler yuu #truama #platonic #+ mean platonic #angst #lol it's 12:26 #no i'm not projecting

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sinnamonrolle · 4 years ago

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[ the little moments] ♡ Belphegor

7 - That moment when Belphegor showed you magic.

✿ part of a series! ✿

❀ gender neutral reader ❀

Warnings: Mentions of death and also lesson 16 spoilers

Nights in the Devildom were no different from nights in the human world, except for the abundance of visible stars twinkling in the night sky. Too much light pollution covered the stars in the human world, and you had almost forgotten what they looked like if not for arriving at the Devildom.

“Can’t sleep?” A voice, soft and heavy with sleep, entered the planetarium. It echoed gently in the dimness around you and almost faded under the trickling of the water fountain, the airy words murmuring against your ears.

Belphegor draped a warm, fluffy blanket around you as he settled next to you, wrapping himself with the other end of the blanket. He sat to your right, one of his long legs bent at the knees, and the other stretched out against the marble floor. When he leaned into you, the soft strands of his hair tickled your neck, and the faint smell of chamomile floated around you.

“Seems like I’m not the only one,” you teased, brushing your thumb against his cheek as you tucked his bangs behind his ear. They didn’t stay there long, falling back down to cover his eyes again.

Belphie sighed. He turned his head slightly, his purple eyes half-lidded as they met yours.

“Missed you,” he muttered. “I woke up with this gaping feeling in my chest, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I could feel you next to me.” Then he hesitated, his breath hitching as you felt his hand twitch against yours. “Can I… Can I hold your hand?”

You took his hand in yours, weaving your fingers with his. His fingers were freezing, so you rubbed them with your other hand, hoping to warm them up somewhat.

“Of course,” you said, smiling. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Of course,” Belphie repeated. He brought your intertwined hands to his mouth and pressed a light kiss to the back of your hand. “You’re here with me.”

Your cheeks warmed along with your heart, your mind fumbling around the affection consuming you from the inside out. This was the best feeling of love you could ever have the privilege of experiencing—it was something like a stuffy feeling, like layers of cotton had been padded in your chest, and it wasn’t strong to the point where you felt like you could burst into pieces, but something more subtle, something more encompassing, suffusing through every fiber of your being and every molecule of your soul.

You were absolutely immersed in it.

“I have a little trick for you,” Belphie said almost immediately after, pulling away from you so that he was sitting upright. “Since you can’t sleep. Have you heard of tracing?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t think so.”

He hummed. “That’s not too surprising. Tracing is something children are taught when they are very young, so the RAD professors wouldn’t teach you what it is.” Then, he held out his hand, the one that wasn’t holding yours. “Here, hold your hand out. With your palm up. It’ll make it easier. Tracing is basically what it sounds like. You trace the air with your magic.”

You felt like you understood it but also didn’t at the same time. You could hold your hand out no problem, but everything after that was… hm. Not good.

“Belphie, you’re a bad teacher,” you said, smiling teasingly at him.

He glared half-heartedly at you, eyebrows just barely furrowing, but then he chuckled.

“Sorry, my little sun,” Belphie said, lips curling at the edges into an amused smile. His bangs brushed past his nose as he tilted his head. “I’ll explain properly this time.”

True to his words, he took his time teaching you, explaining each part thoroughly and making sure you understood. You were surprised that he had that much patience, especially since he yawned multiple times throughout his explanation. Although, you couldn’t say that tracing was hard to explain.

“Very good,” Belphie said, his voice drifting into your ears. “Visualize your magic, make it visible, solidify it, and then move it according to your will. When you get used to it, put down your hand. Try tracing by using only your mind.”

It took you a few tries, but it really wasn’t too difficult. Once you managed to trace without having to use your hand as an anchor, the first thing you traced in the air was “Belphegor” surrounded by hearts. If you maintained your focus, your tracing could stay for a few minutes, so you kept adding hearts around his name, the color of your magic lighting up the planetarium.

“Why are you like this?” Belphie sighed, exasperated. He started tracing as well, purple letters appearing next to yours. His magic was lazy but light, appearing in delicate, efficient strokes.

“Like what?”

“So precious.”

You turned to him, blinking in surprise, but he didn’t look at you. Instead, he focused on the letters in front of him, his eyes reflecting the light from his magic. When he still didn’t face you, you returned to adding more hearts around his name—only to see what he was tracing.

It was your name in beautiful calligraphy, and underneath, it was Belphie’s endearment for you—my little sun—in smaller but just as lovely letters. He also incorporated a sun into your name, little lines indicating the sunbeams. Even though he didn’t draw any hearts at all, his adoration for you was still clear as day.

“You’re the precious one here,” you said, pretending that the lump in your throat didn’t exist. You spoke past it, even when your voice came out scratchy in doing so. “Now, it doesn’t matter how many hearts I draw. It won’t beat yours.”

Belphegor laughed, his voice coming out in airy puffs. “Since when did this become a competition? You’ve already beaten me. The moment I fell for you, you’ve already become my everything.” He looked at you softly, the lines around his eyes gentle with love. But you also noticed the dark circles lining underneath them, hidden behind his bangs. “My little sun. You are the light in my world.”

“Then, you’re my moon,” you said, squeezing his hand. “My other half. In the darkness, you are my light.”

“I am your moon,” he agreed. He squeezed your hand back, turning away from you, and rested his forehead against his propped up knee. “Because even the moon gets its light from the sun.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you went back to the letters hovering in the air. You let most of the hearts fade from around Belphegor’s name, but you kept the rest. You wanted to keep some form of your love visible for at least a little longer.

“You know what’s funny?” he suddenly asked.

You drew a little cow in the air, adding Belphie’s horns to it. “What?”

“I used to love human beings,” he started. “They were just so fascinating, and I loved them. But not in the way Lilith loved them. The love I felt for humans was like how humans love flowers. But Lilith didn’t love them like flowers. Lilith picked one human and gave them all of her love, to the point that she went against Celestial laws for them.”

Belphie paused. The water fountain gurgled faintly in the silence. You finished your cow and decided to stop tracing, tilting your head up to look at the planetarium sky instead.

He continued, “I didn’t understand that kind of love. I didn’t understand what kind of feelings could drive her to such lengths for a human. A human that would never live as long as us. When Lucifer told us that she died, all I could think about was that, in some way—I killed her. I led her to her death. It was because I loved humans that she fell in love with one. But because my love was not the same as her love, I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand her love, I didn’t understand her reasons, I didn’t understand her.”

He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “Because I didn’t understand, I blamed the humans for it. I started hating them, and it was a kind of loathing that ate away at me from the inside. I hated that they took my sister away. I hated that she had to fall in love with one. I hated that I didn’t understand. So, you know what’s funny? It’s funny that it is only now that I understand.”

“Belphie,” you whispered. You couldn’t see his face, but from the shakiness of his voice, you knew that he was in a lot of pain—pain so embedded into him that you didn’t know how to soothe. You adjusted your position so that you could wrap your arm around him, bringing him into a half hug.

“Isn’t it funny?” Belphegor rasped, his body trembling. “Isn’t it funny how I hated humans so much for causing my sister to die, yet now, I am completely, utterly in love with one? And now—and now, I understand exactly how Lilith felt back then. Now, I know why she did what she did. The irony of it all—I hated that I loved humans, but that hate has also led me to you. Lilith, as an angel, fell in love with a human, and I, as a demon, have also fallen in love with one.”

You took in his shaking form, the light heaving of his chest, the balled up fist at his side. You took it all in, and asked, lightly, “Do you regret it?”

Belphie shot up, misty eyes frantically meeting yours as he squeezed your intertwined hands tightly. “Never. I never regretted it. I wouldn’t, and I will never. Loving you is nothing but joy. I love loving you, I love seeing you smile, I love knowing that you are happy. I love that you love me. I love you. I am so happy, knowing that I love you. And I will break every rule in all three realms in a heartbeat, if it means that I can see you smile again.”

“You don’t have to go that far,” you said softly, brushing his bangs to the side so you could see all of him. “Just knowing that you love me is enough. I love you too. For me, loving you is a state of truth. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

A sort of desperation haunted him, lingering in the deep purple of his eyes. He took your free hand, clasping it together with your interwoven hands. When he rested his forehead against them, it almost resembled a prayer of sorts.

“You can’t die,” Belphie pleaded, begging, praying—choking on his words. “You can’t die. Please, I can’t lose you. Please, please—you can’t die. Please, don’t leave me alone. My sun can’t set. I can’t live in a world without your light. Please, you can’t die—”

But you knew, and you knew that he knew too.

That all suns must set.

-------

Masterlist!

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

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Tranquility

A/n about time i wrote something for my privateer,, my love, Nikolai Lantsov

Summary: You and Nikolai are masters of being a couple without actually dating, and the only thing threatening that is the way Nikolai gets after having a nightmare.

Tranquility. So rare for a world on the cusp of war. I guess that’s what the difference between a world at war and a world only boarding on it, the occasional glimmers of goodness, peace. I shift cautiously, careful to not disturb Nikolai. He is tranquility, especially in the few moments in which he allows himself to rest. Not long ago, I found his trips to my bed in the middle of the night strange. But now I only think of the oddness of it when I can’t fall asleep and I find myself enjoying the peaceful lull of his even breaths more than I should. I think a lot of things we do are more indulgent than they should be.

Nikolai only comes to visit me when the bags under his eyes become noticeable and his humor falls flatter than normal. I tell myself he takes my comfort because he trusts me to some extent and I give it to him willingly when he seeks it. I’m not fully innocent. I take his peace, his touch and warm sentiments, when they are offered to me. But now I’m bordering on something else. Something much more devastating.

This isn’t something I can afford to think about, to weigh on. Not now when war is on its way and Nikolai already has so much to worry about. Perhaps I’ll mention this to Alina and she’ll manage to give me some type of perspective, but that isn’t something I should do now. When the world has ended or is made safe, then I will sort through the significance of the way my heart stalls or speeds up for him and him alone.

I should just try to fall asleep again. If I do, when I wake up again Nikolai will either already be gone because of his duties or he’ll make some kind of joke about how fortunate I am to wake up to such a sight before trying to coax me back to bed. I shouldn’t want that.

Ugh. He’s so pretty, I hate it. It’s unfair--one cannot expect someone to have someone like Nikolai dote on them, playfully or otherwise, and not catch some type of connection. Even in sleep, with his golden hair disheveled, parted lips, and fluttering eyelids he’s unfairly attractive. I sigh, the irony of the situation twisting my stomach--if he knew my thoughts his ego would bask in them.

As if he can feel my conflict, his defined eyebrows draw together, his placid expression turning harsh. I tense, watching as that look only hardens. Is he...okay? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had some kind of nightmare. Nikolai’s lips press together, and then he makes a noise. A sad, discomforted sigh.

The remnants of my drowsiness disappear at that. I place a hand on his shoulder thoughtlessly, shaking him once. “Nikolai.” I keep my voice low and soft. His expression stays hard, “Wake up, it’s not…” He lets out another broken sound. I shake him a little more determinedly. “It’s not real.”

Nikolai’s eyelids flutter once more, and he’s pushing himself upwards, sitting up and breathing harshly. My hand falls off his shoulder, but I think it’s better this way. He needs space to realize that he’s safe.

Taking two shallow breaths, Nikolai turns his head. I watch him carefully, resisting the instinctual urge to help him, to comfort him and chase away the darkness that wants to engulf him.

“Y/n?” His voice is so fragile a part of me doesn’t recognize it as his.

I nod my head once, folding my hands in my lap to avoid reaching for him. “You’re okay. It was just a dream.”

His gaze flits from my face to the ruffled blankets draped over me. He’s silent and still. Two things he should never be for a long period of time. Nikolai shifts slowly, as if still trapped in a daze. I let his hand take mine from my lap and pull it towards him. He squeezes my hand once, bringing my knuckles to his lips. I inhale sharply as he exhales, warm breath burning my skin. And then his lips brush against each knuckle. I let him, fighting not to let myself be reduced to a puddle.

Nikolai lifts my hand, coaxing my palm open before placing it on his cheek. I brush my thumb down his cheek. He lets out a breath, the sound is soft yet it leaves my heart raw.

I don’t say anything as he moves his hand down my arm, fingertips leaving my skin electrically charged as he always does. He pauses once his hand is on my shoulder. I let him grip me harder than I normally would. It feels like I am an anchor, weighing him in place so that the dark cannot take him away from me.

My lips part, but I have no words to offer him, not when I don’t know the extent of his torment. Nikolai’s hand brushes past the sleeve of my nightgown and across my collarbone. I swallow once, dropping my gaze to avoid the sharpness of the look he’s giving me.

“You’re heavy sometimes,” I keep my voice low, “I wish I could--”

“You do,” his voice leaves no room for argument. The tone is filled with a tension that he has never used on me. “You do everything.”

“And you are everything.” His expression softens at my words. It feels like a reward in a way.

Nikolai moves forward, the bed makes a noise as he rustles the sheet. I don’t bother asking what he’s doing. He’s always touchier than usual after a nightmare, breaking even more social rules than normal. I let him place his head in the crook of my neck while ignoring the warmth that pushes itself into my chest as he adjusts himself against me. I hesitate before placing my hand on his back even though I know he’d never reject me. He lets out a breath at the additional contact, adjusting himself so that he’s even more against me. I move my hand up and down his back.

The urge to ask him about what his dreams are about bubbles in my chest, but I ignore it. If he wanted to speak about it, he would.

“Things are easier with you.” His voice is so delicate it’s almost hard to bear. His hand presses into my side and my breathing stiffens as a result.“I’m glad you’re here.”

I meet his gaze as he tilts his head upwards. “Of course I am, how could I ever resist someone as wonderful as you?”

The corner of Nikolai’s lips tug upwards, a sign that he appreciates my attempt at humor. “You’re not wrong, darling.” I roll my eyes as he grins, ignoring the way my stomach tightens as he presses his face into my shoulder to hide his amusement. “You’re the wonderful one.”

I smile slightly, sarcastic retort dying in the back of my throat as something in Nikolai shifts. His eyes have taken on a simple, dark quality. I’ve seen this tension in him before, but I’ve never understood it. Nikolai tilts his head slightly, regarding me with more intensity than I know how to deal with. He shifts closer until I can feel his breath on the edge of my jaw. And then I feel his lips brush against skin. Testing, cautious. I don’t move. He must take this as a good sign because he then presses his lips further up my jaw. Again and again, always gentle, always fragile--always more welcomed than it should be.

I close my eyes, indulging in the feel of his touch, and then I feel him touch my cheek. The contact is feather light as my eyes flutter open. He’s close in a different way now, lips two centimeters away from mine.

This means nothing to him, this is nothing to him. It is just a way to push through pain he refuses to share with me. “Nikolai.” It’s meant to be a warning, but it comes out as a breathy sigh. “Nikolai…” A little stronger, he pauses, face a centimeter from my face.

“Y/n.” My name is soft grace on his lips.

My eyes shut. “You can’t--you can’t kiss me just because you need to be distracted.”

His eyebrows draw together and then he straightens. The distance between us leaves me colder than before. “Do you really think that?”

I press my lips together. “We should just go back to sleep--”

“Y/n,” he sighs once, “Is that what you think?”

I stare at the blankets, gripping the fabric. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.” His voice is hard, losing all touches of irony. “It matters.” I stay silent, avoiding Nikolai’s gaze. “Out of all the reasons I want to kiss you, being distracted isn’t even on the list.”

My head snaps in his direction. What is he implying? “What?”

“Y/n,” his hand is on my arm, warm and tempting, “I want to kiss you because when you smile it feels like all the bad goes away. I want to kiss you because you bite your bottom lip when you’re thinking and then that’s the only thing I can think about. I want to kiss you for the same reason I come to your room whenever I want to rest. You’re my tranquility.” My eyes soften at his words, my mind racing at the implications of them. “You’re biting your lip again, darling, and it’s torture.”

On instinct, my lips part slightly. He doesn’t move closer or farther away. I exhale slowly, trying to push away the electric current the potential of this moment is stirring. Nikolai’s hand moves up my arm and settles on my cheek.

His thumb brushes against my cheek, making me melt. “I want to kiss you because when I’m with you all of the bad, all of the uncertainty disappears.”

Nikolai leans forward slightly, breath warm near my skin. “Is that all?”

If his touch wasn’t so enticing I’d roll my eyes at such a blatant attempt to get a compliment. But his touch is all consuming, especially when he moves to run his thumb across my bottom lip. “No--you’re also ridiculously enticing, but something tells me you don’t need me to add to your ego.”

He grins, shifting impossibly closer before finally letting his lips meet mine. The contact is everything I’ve ever needed, his lips warm and inviting and eager. I kiss him back easily, melting into him like that’s where I’ve always belonged. Nikolai pulls away slowly, drawing out the kiss and letting his teeth graze my bottom lip.

“For the record, you’re the only ego boost I need.” He smiles lazily, hand not leaving my cheek. “You’re my peace, y/n,” he exhales flatly, “Please remember that.”

There’s something strangely sleepy yet revered about his tone. “Of course I will,” I hum, letting him rest his head against my chest, “You’re my peace, too.”

“Sometimes when I dream I see you and then I lose you.” Nikolai’s tone leaves my heart sore as he adjusts against me.

“You’re not losing me,” I whisper, eyes fluttering shut. “Ever.” He exhales gently. “Get some sleep--you never get enough rest.”

He squeezes me once, pressing a quick kiss to my collar. “Whatever you want.”

I half roll my eyes, too tired to to call him out on his teasing, the lull of sleep strengthened only by the weight of him against my chest.

general tag list: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone show #grishaverse #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse imagine #grisha #grishaverse x you #my works #six of crows imagine #grishaverse imagines

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atlabeth · 3 years ago

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everything happens for a reason part 11 - zuko x fem!reader

Memories, where'd you go?

part 10 | masterlist | part 12

a/n: alternative name for this fic: y/n gets a crush on every pretty girl she meets. yue, katara, and now suki. she can't help it (and she questions why they're all connected to sokka in some way lmaoo)

anyways, this is kind of filler but it establishes some more with relationships and finallyyy gets us into ba sing se at the end. i know it's a lil annoying because there's a lot of episode-to-text writing, but i promise it'll get more freeform as it goes on

also i know that i just posted something yesterday but i have literally zero patience. like i cant hold chapters i have to post them as soon as i write them loll

wc: 5.3k

warning(s): some feels over zuko as per usual, but overall a pretty tame chapter

chapter title comes from memories by panic! at the disco!

Zuko could barely sleep anymore.

He didn’t know when his life became so complicated, but he wasn’t a fan of it.

Back when it was just him, his crew, and the open sea — it was simple. He had a job, a straightforward mission. Find the Avatar, capture him, return home to the Fire Nation and regain his honor.

Now, the waters were more muddied than ever. Now on the run from the Fire Nation just like the boy he was chasing, all he really felt nowadays was anger.

Angry at the world for setting him on this path, angry at the Avatar for refusing to see what was necessary, his sister and her friends for turning against him, angry at the waterbender for making things so damn hard.

He didn’t want to hurt her. A part of him wished that she had never come back into his life, if it meant he wouldn’t have to constantly be fighting against her. He hated himself for the thought, but maybe it would have been easier for her to remain a memory of a lover than his active enemy.

Late at night, when he was reaching fruitlessly for sleep that would never come, he saw her face. The carefree energy from their childhood morphed into the shock and disappointment from both the North and their fight with Azula, and…

It made him wonder what in Agni had happened to them.

He—

He didn’t know. The way he felt about her, it was different than anything he had experienced before. Zuko didn’t know what it was, but he understood that it was special. And now… it felt like he had just thrown it all away.

Zuko couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened with her in that town — what he had done to her.

He had burned her to try and get to the Avatar, and he hadn’t even allowed a glance back at the damage he had done. He had heard her cry out in pain, pain he had caused, and he didn’t even look back.

What had happened to them? What had happened to him?

He kept telling himself that the mission was the only thing that mattered. And it was, wasn’t it? Capture the Avatar, regain his honor, get his old life back and finally be enough for his father. He didn’t have time for friends, or for these feelings he had, or— or for anything but capturing the Avatar. Because the Avatar was the key to everything, to his honor, and that was all that mattered.

But now…

Now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what was right, or what was wrong, or what path was the one he had to take.

Zuko just wished things could be like they used to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

She didn’t really know when everything had become a mess again.

It all started out fine, like it usually did. Toph had become fully integrated into the group, any past squabbles put to rest in the name of a stronger friendship emerging between all five of them. Katara continued to work on Aang’s waterbending (oftentimes Y/N joining them in their sessions) while Toph slowly but steadily beat earthbending into him — literally.

They had all been working hard for so long that, by decree of Aang, it was ‘vacation time’. They would all get to pick out places they wanted to spend as a break, and after it was over they would get back to work.

Aang had chosen some sort of field with musical groundhogs, and Y/N had opted to revisit an Earth Kingdom village that she had passed through on her journey to the North. Sokka had complained the whole time about how they were ‘wasting valuable planning time’, but had finally conceded after the promise of ‘all the planning his heart could desire’ from Katara after their mini-vacations were over.

Y/N was actually feeling somewhat relaxed for once, but she had forgotten the golden rule — never let your guard down. Everytime she let her guard down, something bad happened without fail. So it shouldn’t have been any surprise with what happened in the desert.

Because after one trip to the Misty Palms Oasis and a journey into the desert with a professor to a long lost library, Appa had been taken by desert raiders.

It was… less than favourable. During their escape from the library, Professor Zei had insisted on staying behind, and now the five of them were stuck in the middle of the desert with no way out and zero guidance. Add some brewing tensions between Aang and Toph because of her being there when Appa was taken, and they had a recipe for a huge disaster.

And a disaster they had. Multiple disasters, actually.

There was only so much she and Katara could do to hold the group together, but by some miracle, they made it out of the desert with only one Avatar State mishap.

(And an incident with cactus juice, but… she didn’t really want to talk about that.)

....at least they had the information about the Eclipse. That was about the only thing keeping her together at the moment.

They had to get the information to the Earth King so they could formulate an attack with his warriors, but without Appa, they had to resort to more traditional methods of travel. Add in one passport problem, and that was how Y/N found herself braving the Serpent’s Pass alongside a refugee family with a baby on the way.

It was… intimidating, to say the least. Despite being surrounded by her element, Y/N didn’t feel any safer from the challenge that faced them. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on her fear the way her mother had taught her, as she followed the group, but her thoughts were soon interrupted.

“Hey.” She turned to see who the voice belonged to and was greeted by the girl that had teased Sokka early — Suki, if she remembered correctly. “I haven’t seen you around; are you with the Avatar or that family?”

“I’m with Aang,” Y/N explained. “I’m from the North, and they offered me a spot with them after they helped us defend our tribe against the Fire Nation. I’ve been with them ever since.” Suki nodded as they settled into a comfortable stride.

“That’s cool. Are you a waterbender?”

She gestured to her waterskin and smiled. “Yeah. I’ve been training with Aang and Katara ever since I left.” Y/N then turned her gaze back to Suki, raising an inquisitive brow. “Your makeup — what’s it for? I heard you talking about the Kyoshi Warriors back there; is that some kind of thing with Avatar Kyoshi?”

Suki grinned, her every expression heightened by the sharp reds and blacks above her eyes. “We’re a group of all-female warriors that use the teachings of Avatar Kyoshi and her partner Rangi to defend our home and the place she founded, Kyoshi Island. I’m the leader of our village section.”

“Wow,” she murmured, her eyes falling to the ground for a moment before finding their way back up to the warrior. “That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Thanks. I’ve been training as a warrior for almost my whole life, so it just comes naturally. I like being able to protect people, and there’s no better way to pay back my home for all it’s done for me like protecting the whole village.”

“Wow,” she repeated with a small laugh of her own. “That’s really brave. I gotta say, I’m kinda jealous — I would love to see what would happen if Master Pakku met you all. Katara literally had to beat the sexism out of him in order to train to be a master.”

Suki chuckled. “Sounds like what I had to do with Sokka. Guess it’s a thing with Water Tribe guys, huh?”

At the mention of Sokka, she internally laughed. There had to be some kind of connection between the two of them, the way their interests kept aligning. “Sokka… he’s had it hard. I can’t blame him that much for any kind of attitude he had before he met you. Pakku, on the other hand? He had to have had something better to do than fight teenage girls.”

“You would think so, right?” Suki agreed. “And Sokka… I know. He’s got a heart of gold underneath all that, he just needed a little push to get it out.” As Y/N glanced over at the girl, noticing a slight pink tint under the white makeup, she gasped.

“La’s fins, are you two a thing?” she exclaimed with a grin.

Suki flushed even harder as she suddenly became very interested in the ocean around her, but she couldn’t help the smile on her lips. “No! I mean— yes— but… but—” she stopped to gather her thoughts before making eye contact again with a sheepish smile. “We’re not… really a thing, but… I do like him a lot. I didn’t really think I was going to see him again after they left the island, so this is really nice.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Y/N asked. “I can already tell that he cares about you — have you seen how careful he’s being with you?”

“Well—” Whatever kind of excuse Suki would’ve made up was interrupted by a rock falling out just under Than, one of the refugees they were with, saved in the nick of time with Toph’s earthbending.

“I’m okay!” he reassured, but no sooner had the words left his mouth before the Fire Nation ship in the distance started firing.

“They’ve spotted us!” Sokka yelled. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Aang flicked his glider open and deflected the blast, and Katara grabbed Y/N’s hand as they all began to run. Another blast rocked the mountain, causing several boulders to fall just above Suki. Y/N didn’t even have time to shout out a warning before Sokka tackled her out of the way, but it was ultimately more of Toph’s quick earthbending that saved him.

“Suki, are you okay?” Sokka brushed dust and pebbles off of her uniform as he examined her, and once he was satisfied he grabbed her hand and helped her up. “You have to be more careful! Come on!”

As the two of them caught up to Y/N and Katara, she gave Suki a knowing look. The warrior only blushed once again and glanced away.

After hours of navigating the pass, they were only about halfway through. Sokka made the executive decision to set up camp for the night to give everyone time to rest, and then they would get up at the crack of dawn to finish their trip. It only took a few minutes for Y/N to get a fire going, and soon everyone had settled in with their sleeping bags. Sokka got up from his spot as Suki wandered closer to the edge, and Katara nudged Y/N with her shoulder.

“Hey. How are your hands doing?”

“They’re fine,” she answered with a small smile, flipping her hands over as proof. Where there were once red burn scars on her palms only tiny white marks remained — one benefit to healing via waterbending was that most injuries were able to fade away completely after enough sessions. Her burns weren’t very serious and she was able to heal them almost immediately, so both her and Katara were sure that the marks would be completely gone soon.

The mental scars wouldn’t fade as easily.

“That’s good. And you’re taking care of them, right? Like, you’re not beating up people while we’re not looking?”

Y/N grinned. “No. I think I’ll leave that to Toph.”

Katara chuckled and nodded, turning her hands over in a final examination before nodding. “Good,” she repeated. The silence between them, although comfortable, stretched out for a little too long before she spoke again, this time much quieter. “He did this to you.”

“Katara…”

“I know,” she said. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me, or really at all, but… I’m worried about you. Zuko isn’t good for you. Every time we’ve run into him, he’s hurt you. And you deserve so much more than that.”

“You don’t understand,” she countered. “You don’t know Zuko like I do. You weren’t there when I was. I know you think I’m insane for still believing in him, but I— I can’t let go of him, Katara. I know the Zuko I love is still in there somewhere, and I have to try and find it. For me and for him.”

Katara’s eyes were full of nothing but sympathy as she sighed — it was obvious she didn’t believe her words, but in true fashion she was still trying her best to be supportive.

“Okay. I don’t understand it, but… I don’t think I can change your mind.” Y/N chuckled sadly and nodded, Katara’s piercing gaze meeting her own once more. “It’s just… Why are you playing with fire when you know you’re going to get burned?”

And for once, Y/N didn’t have an answer for her friend.

~~~~~~~~~

The night went by quickly, which Y/N was thankful for. It meant that the nightmares didn’t last as long.

After a quick headcount to make sure no one had fallen off the pass overnight and an even quicker gathering of their things, they set off to finish their journey.

It went just as well as she had expected — a giant serpent, the namesake of the pass, had attacked them while crossing through an underwater section. Thankfully, she was able to aid Katara and Aang in defeating it with waterbending with no casualties

But in the wake of one disaster there was always another, and before Y/N knew it a baby had been born. She was mostly there for moral support — Katara had it all handled, and Y/N didn’t expect anything less.

But finally, they had made it across the pass, and they were so close to Ba Sing Se that she could almost smell the city air. Sadly, though, that meant it was time for them to part ways — Aang to find Appa, and Suki back to her warriors. After some sad but hopeful goodbyes with Aang, it was time to bid farewell to Suki.

“Are you sure you can’t travel a little longer with us?” Y/N questioned, apparently not above pleading to try and get the girl to stay. “You’re— you’re amazing, and we’d really love to have you with us.”

“I can’t even imagine what travelling with the Avatar would be like,” she smiled, causing Y/N to get her hopes up for just a moment before they fell back down. “But I can’t stay. I have to get back to the Kyoshi Warriors.”

Y/N sighed, her gaze falling slightly downcast. “I get that. I just really wish you could stay. Or that I could meet your warriors. You seriously don’t know how cool you are, Suki.”

“Well, if you’re ever in town on Kyoshi Island, find us. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out and do you one better than just meeting them all,” she said with a grin. “I think it’d be pretty cool to have the first waterbending Kyoshi Warrior.”

Y/N was unable to prevent the heat rushing to her cheeks as she smiled shyly, once again averting eye contact. “That would be amazing. I’ll have to find my way back there after the war.”

Suki bumped shoulders with her, causing a startled laugh to spill from her lips. “We’d love to have you.”

“Wait, why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to her?” Sokka questioned as he walked up to the two of them. Y/N winked at Suki and gestured at him with her head, walking off before Suki could protest to find Katara.

The conversation the two girls were sharing was an extremely thinly veiled excuse to eavesdrop on the lovebirds, and when they kissed Y/N actually had to hold back a scream.

Sokka deserved this. She knew how much he beat himself up over every little thing that went wrong, and it was about time he got to relax even for a moment. She only hoped that Suki would be in their corner of the world sooner rather than later.

What could she say? She was already fantasizing about life as a Kyoshi Warrior.

~~~~~~~~~

Although they had parted ways, they soon found themselves reunited with Aang to stop yet another Fire Nation threat.

“For the love of Kuruk,” Y/N murmured as she stared into the distance, her eyes wide at the sight of a large mechanical drill. “That was Ty Lee who just took down all those soldiers. And if she’s here, Mai and Azula are with her too. Guys, It’s one thing to stop this drill, it’s another thing to take those three down with it.”

“The question is, how do we do it?” Aang questioned.

“Why can nothing ever be easy?” Sokka lamented. His gaze remained trained on the drill for a moment before he realized theirs were on him. “Why are you all looking at me?”

“You’re the idea guy,” Aang said.

“Wait, so I’m the only one who can ever come up with a plan?” he protested. “That’s a lot of pressure!”

“And also the complaining guy,” Katara muttered, drawing a chuckle out from Y/N.

“Now that part I don’t mind,” Sokka admitted.

“Well, Sokka— you were a huge help in the North, and you figured out a way to defeat the Fire Nation during that eclipse at the library! Plus, there’s all that stuff that Katara told me you did before I joined.” She patted him on the back. “If anyone can figure out how to take that thing down, it’s you.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, his ego only slightly bolstered. “...okay. I think I can do it.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said with a smile.

Unfortunately, that smile faded as a young guard came running up to the wall. “Excuse me, Avatar and friends — I’ve heard that you’ve dealt with that… that pink girl down there before.” They nodded and he continued. “It would do us a great deal of help if you could come down and look at our injured soldiers, then.”

Y/N and Katara nodded in unison and started to follow the guard, the remaining three trailing after them. They ended up inside the wall, in what looked like an infirmary of sorts with all the cots and soldiers lying around, and the two waterbenders exchanged looks.

“You know what to do?” Katara asked.

Y/N hummed in acknowledgment, and they both knelt down next to separate cots. “This definitely looks like Ty Lee’s work,” she murmured as she bent water up from the pot and molded it over the man’s arm.

“What’s wrong with him?” the general questioned. “He doesn’t look injured.”

“His chi is blocked,” Katara explained. “Who did this to you?”

“Two girls ambushed us,” the soldier said, moving his arm as he regained feeling. “One of them hit me with a bunch of quick jabs and suddenly I couldn't earthbend anymore and I could barely move. Then she cartwheeled away.”

Katara sighed as she bent the water back into the pot. “You were right, Y/N. That was Ty Lee — she doesn’t look dangerous, but she knows the human body and its weak point. It’s like she takes you down from the inside.”

As if struck by lightning, Sokka lit up. “Oh, oh, oh! What you just said — that’s how we’re going to take down the drill; the same way Ty Lee took down all those earthbenders!”

“By hitting its pressure points!” Toph exclaimed with a grin.

The breakthrough brought a steely determination to Aang’s features as he looked out into the distance. “We’ll take it down from the inside.”

~~~~~~~~~

Like everything they did, it seemed so simple on paper. But now that she was actually inside the drill, it felt a lot more nerve wracking. Toph opted to stay outside where she could see and try to slow down the drill with the earth at her disposal, which left the four of them to somehow take it down from the inside.

Sokka led them through a hallway with a myriad of valves and pipes as he thought out loud. “I need a plan of this machine — some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points.”

“Where are we gonna get something like that?” Aang asked.

Sokka thought for a moment before he took his machete out and hacked a valve off a pipe. Y/N instinctively took a step back and shielded her face from the hot steam. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Someone’s gonna hear us!”

“That’s the point!” he exclaimed. “A machine this big needs engineers to run it, and when something breaks—”

“Someone will come down to fix it!” Katara finished with a smile at Aang, a sentiment the boy returned happily.

It was surprisingly easy to take down the engineer once he arrived — with a little bit of frozen mist on Katara’s end, they had the plans they needed. Sokka’s expertise combined with the blueprints got them to the beginning of the outer shell.

“Wow,” Sokka muttered. “It looks a lot thicker than it does in the plans. We’re gonna have to work pretty hard to cut through that.”

Katara crossed her arms. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? The three of us are gonna have to do all the work.”

“Look, I’m the plan guy!” Sokka explained with a gesture to himself. “You three are the ‘cut up stuff with waterbending’ guys. Together, we’re Team Avatar!”

Katara and Aang looked wholly unamused while Y/N chuckled. “Team Avatar. I like it.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “At least someone appreciates my genius.”

“Tui’s gills, why do you have to keep boosting his ego?” Katara complained. “Let’s just get this done before it gets worse.”

The three of them got in position — Katara and Aang on opposite sides so they could pass the stream of water between them, and Y/N making the point of the triangle to work on the other side on her own. They were hoping it would be more efficient being able to cut through both sides at the same time, but it was proving to be much more difficult than they had imagined — halfway through the three of them were already exhausted.

By some feat of strength they were able to completely cut through the brace, but their hard work didn’t pay off in quite the way they had imagined — when the beam only shifted a few inches she groaned.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” she breathed as she wiped sweat off of her forehead.

“At this rate,” Katara paused to inhale deeply, “we won’t do enough damage before the drill reaches the wall.”

“I don’t know how many more of those I have in me,” Aang said sadly.

A large creak suddenly rang throughout the large chamber, and they all looked up for the source.

“Did you hear that?” Sokka asked, already backing up to make an exit. “We took it down! We gotta get out of here, fast!”

Just as they reached the door on the other side, a crackle followed by the sound of a man’s voice dashed their hopes. “Congratulations, crew. The drill has made contact with the wall of Ba Sing Se. Start the countdown to victory!”

A collective silence hung in the air between them, the threat now even more imminent as their situation sunk in. Mai and Ty Lee had proven effective in taking down any Earth Kingdom threat posed at them, and despite Toph’s skill they knew she couldn’t take down something like this on their own.

They either had to figure out a way to destroy this drill, or the Fire Nation was going to make it into the city.

Sokka ran back over to the brace and pushed against it, putting all his strength into the feat but to no avail. “Come…. on! Move!”

Katara started pacing around in a small circle, crossing her arms again as she tried to think of something. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

“Sokka, that’s not going to work!” Y/N didn’t mean to snap, but the grinding of metal on metal combined with her nervousness got to her. She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “I— I’m sorry. But it’s still not going to work.”

He groaned as he leaned against the brace. “We’re putting everything we have into busting these things, but it’s taking too long!”

Suddenly, Aang jumped up from the ground with stars in his eyes. “Maybe we don’t need to cut all the way through! Toph — she’s been teaching me that you shouldn’t put a hundred percent of your energy in any one strike. Sokka, get in a fighting stance.”

Sokka complied and as Aang talked through his points, he demonstrated it on Sokka. “You've got to be quick and accurate. Hit a series of points and break your opponent's stance. And when he's reeling back, you deliver the final blow. His own weight becomes his downfall, literally.”

As Sokka fell over from the attack, Katara lit up. “So we just need to weaken the braces instead of cutting all the way through—”

“—then I can go to the top of this thing and deliver the final blow!” Aang finished.

Y/N helped Sokka up from the ground, his spirits not dampened at all. “Then boom! This whole thing goes down!”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Y/N asked, flexing her fingers to refresh them for all the bending she was going to have to do. “Aang, Katara and I can handle the braces. Focus on getting up to the top before anyone sees you.”

He nodded and they all met each other with determined eyes. “Everyone inside that wall, the whole world — they’re all counting on us.”

“Here, take this. You need this more than I do. ” Katara took her waterskin off and handed it to Aang. “Good luck. And be careful.”

Y/N noticed a slight blush on her cheeks and she had to hold back her smile. That was definitely something she was going to tease her friend about later — when they weren’t trying to stop the Fire Nation from breaking into Ba Sing Se.

“I will,” he assured. Aang slung the strap of the waterskin around his shoulder and took off, and Y/N and Katara got to work breaking through the rest of the braces.

With the knowledge that they only had to cut through half of each column and the revitalization that came from having a plan, their work went by much quicker. Just when they finished the final brace, it all went wrong.

“Good work, Team Avatar!” Sokka cheered. “Now we— Y/N, duck!”

She didn’t question Sokka as she immediately dropped to the ground, something she was immensely thankful for as a blast of blue fire seared past her. Her eyes snapped up to the source of the attack and narrowed in recognition.

“Of course they’re here,” she growled as she pulled herself back up. “We gotta go, now!”

Katara and Sokka nodded and they all started running. Bringing up the rear, Y/N was able to hear Azula’s words right before they split off into an intersection:

“Follow them! I’m going to find the Avatar.”

Sure enough, when she allowed a glance back, Mai and Ty Lee were closing in on them. She flicked open the cap of her waterskin and bent some out, managing to freeze it at just the right moment to block the incoming daggers from Mai. Still running, she melted it quickly and let it fall to the ground before freezing it again, creating some ice on the ground that would hopefully give them a few more seconds of leeway.

“That should give us some time!” she yelled as they turned a corner, finally turning her attention back to the path in front of them. “Any idea how we’re gonna get out of this thing?”

“Maybe!” Sokka yelled back, slowing to a stop as they came to a dead end, a large hatch the only thing at their disposal. He started tugging on the wheel in an attempt to open it, and when Y/N joined in they were able to wrench it open.

“Slurry pipeline?” Katara frowned as she read the sign on the wall and looked at Sokka. “What does that mean?”

“It’s rock and water mixed together,” he explained as they looked into the rushing liquid underneath the hatch. “It means it’s our way out!”

Katara nodded and climbed in, Sokka following close after. The sound of metal footsteps got closer and closer, and Y/N ducked inside just as Mai’s knives clanked against the hatch. Never before had she been so happy to be floating in a stream of slurry.

The rest of their mission went by surprisingly easy — at least, on their end. All it took was some waterbending — earthbending, when Toph joined them — and encouragement from Sokka (though unappreciated by Katara). Whatever magic Aang was working at the top of the drill had done its job, because soon enough the drill had collapsed in on itself.

And now, they had reunited on the top of the wall overlooking the sunset. After the chaos that had been their day, it was nice to just relax for even a moment. And there was no better way to do so than with her friends.

“I just want to say, good effort out there, Team Avatar!” Sokka exclaimed as he threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“Enough with the ‘Team Avatar’ stuff,” Katara said dryly. “No matter how many times you say it, it’s not going to catch on.”

“I like it, Sokka,” Y/N smiled. “I’ve liked it this whole time.”

“You always appreciate my genius, Y/N,” he mused. “That’s why I appreciate you.” She laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he continued to list off names.

“How about… the Boomeraang squad! Eh? See, it’s good because it’s boomerang, and it has Aang in it—”

“Yeah Sokka,” Toph interrupted. “We got it.”

Aang grinned and scratched his head. “I kinda like that one.”

“The Aang Gang. Ooh, the Fearsome Fivesome!”

“You’re crazy,” Toph muttered as she walked away.

“Wait, Sokka—” Y/N pulled away from him and held up her pointer finger. “Aang Gang — what if we combine it, so it’s just the Gaang? But still with Aang’s name?”

And at that moment, Sokka looked more proud than ever. “Oh, you— you are a genius.”

“Oh, spirits,” Katara groaned. “Why do you insist on encouraging him?”

“You’re just jealous of our name-making abilities,” Sokka said haughtily.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You two are completely ridiculous, you know that? Let’s just get into the city before the trains stop running.”

Y/N and Sokka winked at each other as they all started walking, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She always thought it was amazing — they went through insane things every day, but at the end of it all she was always able to smile because of them. And as her gaze drifted towards the city in the distance, she hoped it would hold true.

She had no idea what Ba Sing Se had in store for her.

shit is gonna happen next chapter so i hope you all are READY bc im not

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#zuko x reader #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #zuko #zuko fic #prince zuko #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar fic #atla fic #avatar the last airbender fic #avatar x reader #avatar the last airbender x reader #atla x reader #sadie writes

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