#it's a fun wink nudge to the viewer

[slvthrs]

a vinnie smut where they were streaming but reader (she/her) was teasing him and it leads to “we could always just make an OnlyFans daddy 🤷‍♀️”

anon i luvvv the way ur mind works

PICTURE PERFECT | vinnie hacker

VINNIE X FEM!READER

WARNINGS:��NOT NSFW BUT QUESTIONABLE, pet names, pda, sexual tension, making out, dirty jokes

word count: 1.2k

Your boyfriend had been streaming for about 5 hours now, he had promised it would be a short stream but it really wasn’t looking like it. 

You loved him, you truly did but there was just something so frustrating by the way he was busy so much, but you can’t complain he makes more than enough money to spoil you with.

But an idea formed in your mind and you decided to go see what your boyfriend was doing. As you watch Vinnie intently focused on his Valorant stream, you can't help but feel mischievous. You sneak up behind him and pull up a chair to be near him as your fingers find refugee tracing over the tattoos all over his hands.

"Hey, Vinnie," you say with a smirk. "How's it going? Winning any games?"

Vinnie jumps slightly in surprise, quickly composing himself before turning to give you a playful glare.

"Not now, I'm in the middle of a match," he says, returning his attention to the screen.

You can't resist teasing him further, so you lean in and whisper in his ear, "Are you sure you're not just getting carried by your teammates?"

Vinnie shoots you another glare, but you can see the corner of his mouth twitching with a suppressed smile.

"I'll have you know I'm carrying this team," he says with mock seriousness.

You can't help but laugh at his response, knowing full well that he's just as skilled as his teammates.

As you watch him continue to play, you can't resist playfully nudging him every now and then, causing him to momentarily lose his focus.

Despite his irritation, you can tell that Vinnie secretly enjoys your teasing, and it's all worth it just to see him smile.

You ended up deciding it would be smart if you got up and sat down on his lap whilst your hands lazily wrapped around his neck, momentarily averting his attention which caused him to die.

He throws his hands up in frustration before his hands wrap around you waist pulling you closer to him, “What the fuck was that for asshole”

"You know, Vinnie, you should really try not to die so much. It's not good for your health," You teased, winking at him.

Vinnie glanced up at me, a smirk on his lips. "Oh yeah? And what should I do instead?"

"You should," You said, pulling your hands away from his head and putting them on your lap to look at him innocently. "Stop playing valorant and hang out with your wonderful girlfriend you promised to hang out with 2 hours ago."

Vinnie rolled his eyes and went back to his game, but You could tell he was trying not to smile. You continued to poke fun at him, making silly comments about his gameplay and joking about how he would never be as good as me at anything.

But despite your teasing, You were secretly impressed by how skilled Vinnie was at Valorant. He was focused and determined, and he never gave up, even when things weren't going his way.

As you sit on your boyfriend Vinnie's lap while he's streaming, you can't resist teasing him a little bit. 

You lean in close to his ear and whisper, "Are you sure you're paying attention to your game and not just to me?" 

You can feel his body tense up and you know you've got his attention. You run your hands through his hair and give him a little kiss on the cheek.

 "I bet your viewers would love to see us kiss on camera," you say with a giggle. Vinnie's face turns bright red, but you can tell he's enjoying the attention. 

You lean in close again and whisper, "I'm just kidding, I won't distract you too much. But you better win this game, or else." You say in a low tone whilst you shift again his core.

Eventually, that’s what pushed Vinnie over the edge, he said goodbye to his chat and ended the stream  taking his headset off and picking you up and lifting the both of you to throw you on his bed, looking at you with a grin. 

"You know, you're lucky I love you, or else I might have to teach you a lesson."

He laughs and leans in to kiss you. 

The kiss deepens, his hands start to roam around your body, as his mouth disconnects from yours and he starts to kiss down the column of your neck and lets himself place hickies and love bites and his lips finally make their way back to your mouth.

You run your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to you as you deepen the kiss. His hands roam over your body, exploring every inch of your curves as you both lose yourselves in the moment.

The intensity of your kiss increases, and you can feel your heart racing with excitement. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you, as you both become lost in the heat of the moment.

Your lips part, and you both take a deep breath before diving back in for more. The feeling of his lips on yours is electric, sending shivers down your spine as your bodies press together.

As the passion continues to build, you know that you're completely lost in the moment. You're lost in the sensation of his lips on yours, lost in the feeling of his body against yours, and lost in the love that you share.

"I'm not scared of you, Vinnie. I can take on anything, even your pro gamer skills.” I retort, breathless and panting

Whilst he focuses on kissing every sensitive part of my body, making sure the prettiest groans and moans escape your mouth, ensuring you feel as good as he wants you too.

Your hands are tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to you as your lips meet again and again. His hands roam freely over your body, exploring every inch of you as you moan softly in response.

You can feel his desire for you growing stronger by the second, and it only makes you want him more. You break the kiss for a moment, catching your breath and looking into his eyes, which are filled with a mix of lust and adoration.

He leans in to kiss you again, and you eagerly meet him halfway, lost in the moment. The bed bounces slightly as he moves to lay you down, his body pressing against yours.

You feel his hands sliding up your shirt, and you shiver with excitement as he touches your skin. The sensation is electric, and you can't get enough.

As the intensity of your makeout session continues to build, you realize that you've never felt so alive. With each kiss and caress, you feel closer and more connected to your boyfriend than ever before.

Finally, you break the kiss, both of you gasping for air. 

“And hey," I say batting my eyelashes and biting my lip, "If you get that worked up on stream, we could always make an OnlyFans daddy”

[manallandall]

The rat park

Go on outing They got back to the motel, it was late. They were sitting on chairs outside in front of their room’s window. There were a few cars pulling up and leaving. The neighbors were weird. They were talking and laughing about a few of the odd characters. Satan pulled out a cigarette; she’d already had three. Samesh pulled it out of her hand… “Hey!” Satan swiped to get it back. “You’re a little girl now mom, you can’t have as much pleasure as me!” Samesh stuck the cig in her mouth and just let it hang. It was near dark. Finally, one of the guys from the truck stop was walking on over – fresh meat. Samesh (truck driver) pointed him out, walking to his room, giving Satan the little nudge w/ her bow. Satan looked up from her trackphone. “Okay, nice,” she said under her breath. They watched him go in; it didn’t need said, they’d bother him when ready, but for now, holy shit! Was that a loose dog? They sucked in the smoke and night air while all the town got decorated with balls of glowing light. “I’m fat, I’m going to go sleep.” Samesh got up and set down the lighter (they were smoking blunts now), she went in her room and shut the door (didn’t lock it), and left Satan outside, I mean, she was Satan, it didn’t mean much to keep her on a leach, fuck, I’m tired. She passed out really quickly, and only half-winked to notice (in her cloudy sub-concious, somebody come in the room. Satan was going through her luggage, trying to find some nice lingerie, or at least a cool t-shirt with some panties, something like that and disappeared into the hotel bathroom for some serious surgery. Bitch needs help, samesh’s thoughts wandered as she thought about Vue,V(i),Viewer, my little v-v floating above me somewhere in the sky; I should abandon my mom here and let her find this truck driver in her bed in the morning, just totally naked, and her little secrets exposed! Haha, mornonic, I want tx. (Yeah, the plan was to go sleep with him, (the new guy, the fun sport), but there was a knock at the door. Uh, okay? Who’s this? Samesh though, and Satan still had the bathroom door shut, working, must be a hard project!, Fuuuuuuuk Fameshed rolled out of bed and waddled to the door, peeking out the pie-hole. There was a somewhat young asian girl standing there. She opened the door and said “hey, what do you want” in a low grumbly voice. I don’t think that the asian-bitch would have known that she was like, god of the universe or something can I get a break? Okay, fine, you want to come in and sleep with me, with us, fine, it’s late, I don’t care, why are you bothering me, just come on in already bitch.

The girl comes in, doesn’t say much, there is something wrong about her, still young healthy looking but with some type of roughness in her face, was she homeless? Was she abused by family? She was a drug dealer? Just like a psycho or prostitute? Idk, but she made it this far so I will two. The fat fuck just led the way, and said “There, you can have that bed over there, there’s the remote, but don’t play history channel, that shit bothers me and light’s out never, order me pizza in the morning, me and my mom are sleeping over here, not looking for a threesome tonight, uh, there’s money in my wallet if you need, and pretty well didn’t talk to her. So this little neat girl, she just sat carefully on the bed, kinda watching Samesh, it was creepy and annoying, but Trucker rolled on his side facing the other way (and he smelled). She didn’t turn on the tv. In the back of Samesh’s head was like (yep, probably will get murdered now, maybe now, howabout now, eh, who cares!…)

Runs away Satan came out of her room (jk) and froze, uh, wait, who is this, this is not the trade-alliance we had formed, and she soon became friends with her friends “So like are you from town…” and they were chatting it up, sitting close on the bed. Sometime went by, Samesh’s mind drifted and she slept; it was about 1? 1:45? when the door opened with a keycard and Satan can in drunk. “Wake up! Wake up! (the asian bitch was sound asleep under her sheets in the other bed and they left her alone) She hustled the blob. Well, at least I got a few winks, “Are you ready?” “Oh my god mother! You look like a stripper!” “It will only take a minute.” She pulled at the girl’s (rider) hand and they both walked over to room 506. Knock knock knock, Satan shined her phone’s flashlight at the outer curtains. There was no response, and they were lucked-out, when the dude responded. “What’s going on?” he was a weirdo. “My uh, truck broke down a ways back, and the chapel was full, so we were goin’ room to room just lookin’ for a bed, and this is my daughter, Samesh motioned towards the actual Devil.” “Okay, uh, fine yeah, just, sure come on in…” “Thanks,” “Thanks.”

“Dad, I need to piss!” Satan pretended, and Fatso looked up at the other dude, like where is it? The other dude was freaking out like it’s a hotel, the fuck pot is always by the door! And he just looked over that way, and suddenly Samesh fake remembered and said “there it is!” and pointed towards the bathroom. The guy was checking out her perky ass on the way. Now there were two fat fucks in the same room, trying to pretend that they were not alive. “You need the lights? The room owner mentioned. “uh, just for a couple minutes if you don’t mind, the reverse hostages” mentioned. “Cool.” Satan came out of the bathroom with out her bottom on, and was like “uh dad, could you help me flush the toilet” The other dude was looking over wide-eyed. “Satan!, err, I mean dolly, come on over here I told you if you asked me on how to flush the toilet again I would spank you. She bent over ‘in front of her dad’ backwards, with her fat cheeks, and raw legs, and little pecker zone, and all the good stuff like a bright orange on display – ready 4 use. Fatso just kinda drummed on both cheeks pretending it qualified, and the other guy got a boner. “I’m sorry dad!” he kept drumming. “Get on my lap and we’ll talk about it!” She stood up and sat on her dad’s lap and the other guy was like (I should call 911, not really you shouldn’t, but then he was like, I got to be the here, nevermind, lemme watch were this is going…) and she was sitting on his leg, ass raw but naked with the juices, and he started saying “This is where the pee comes out of!” “Where daddy?” Right here!!!!! and he actually touched it with his finger. “Did you pee on the floor again!” “I might have daddy!” “Goddamn it, I am going to spank your pussy, and he started tapping it, and fingering it, and they started making out”. The other guy took off his pants to expose his boner and came on over for some action. Samesh bent over and he stuck his penis in her and the new guy fucked satan (samesh’s old body). Samesh was waiting. Waiting. Just waiting for it. Now, “Fuck her really good, yeah, fuck my daughter, you are doing a great job, and slapped him on the ass – his weiner fell out, and he was scrambling. Let me see that wiener! And fatso was grabbing at the dude’s weiner. The guy threw a block and bent in the center of his body, but fatso pushed him back on the bed from where he threw a few punches, and Samesh mostly blocked them, but then did have to fall face first onto the bed from her attacking momentum, and the guy, rather than getting a weapon, and going to jail or whatever happens (life is life, life is valuable, you don’t need to fight for something that doesn’t exist, save what’s real and what’s in front of you) he opted to run, grabbing a towel that was laying on the dresser on his way out, leaving the door hanging wide open.

Riley spun around to face the naughty imp, “uh, you want coffee?” and they slept in the wrong room that night (in separate beds). In the morning, they checked on their asian expirement. She was out cold.

[mndvx]

pilot episodes should never be called pilot unless you make a joke out of it or have a little fun with it like pushing daisies pilot being titled pie-lette, or like doctor who series 10 episode 1 being called the pilot as both a wink wink nudge nudge because this is the start of bill potts era and can also be used as a starting point for new viewers when also it's like the 827th episode of the show since it began in 1963

[sdr2lovemail]

If you're pokemon requests are still Open could I request a fic with Iono and a female reader? Reader is the opposite of Iono she wears a lot of dark colors is really shy and has a Umbreon for a partner. Iono introduces reader to her stream. I love Iono, my streamer gf

Iono is such a fun character. Her stream was so cool as a trailer too! I hope you enjoy Anon!

Iono Introducing her Girlfriend to Her Stream!

“It’s time!” The door to your dorm bursts open. On the other side stood Iono with her usual wide smile.

Looking up from your homework, you open your mouth to respond. Before you got the chance, your girlfriend continued. “I know what you’re thinkin’! Oh, my dear, Iono. What time could it possibly be? Well, it’s time for the ‘Iono Zone!’” Her covered hands move to squish your cheeks.

“Oh.” You blinked. “Do you need help on set again?” 

Iono pulls back as her magnemite hair clips swirl around her head. “Yes, I do! But not in the way you might think, nyohoho!” She winked. “You will meet me at my sweet set in thirty minutes. I already called you a taxi, too.” 

The gym leader sprints out your door before popping her head back into the door frame. “Make sure to bring cutie Umbreon with you!” 

You arrive at the ‘Iono Zone’ set with Umbreon at your side. Though your girlfriend is nowhere to be seen, a producer runs to your side.

“Perfect, you're here early. That gives more time for hair and makeup to work.” The producer grabs your wrist and drags you further into the building. Your pokemon follows in a panicked run.

As you sit in a chair, two stylists get to work. “ But I already have makeup on. And I’m just here to help Iono.” You’re silenced as lipstick is applied to your lips.

“Relax, it’s just a bit of a touch-up. It’s so the cameras pick it up better.” The producer sighed. “We won’t have to do much. Your look is already so bold!” True to their words, the makeup artists apply light fixes. Their touch was gentle yet not enough to calm your nerves.

Your heart began to race, and your palms became clammy. “Cameras? Iono didn’t say anything about cameras!” Umbreon ran its head against your leg in a soothing attempt. 

The producer covers their mouth with a hand. “Oops. That was supposed to be a surprise. If Iono asks, I didn’t tell you anything, okay?” 

As if summoned by her name, Iono pops up next to the makeup table. “‘Ello!” The producer leaves rather quickly. “Alright, cutie! It’s time for the world to be entrapped by your beauty!” She nudged the stylists to the side, nuzzling up to you.

“But, Iono! Are you sure this is a good idea? What if your views drop because of it?” 

“Views-shmiews! I wanna show off my sweet, sweet girlfriend! Besides, who wouldn’t be interested in their favorite streamer's private life. It’s gonna draw in viewers like Venomoth to a flame.” She exclaimed. “If they love me as much as they say, they’ll be happy for me.” 

You fiddle with your fingers. You’re not quite sure what to say. Iono means the world to you. All you want is to see her happy. Though is it worth it to be in front of the cameras? In front of her many viewers? 

A smooth hand falls atop yours, calming your fingers and racing thoughts. Iono’s face holds an earnest look. “If you really don’t wanna do it, I won’t make you.” Her thumb grazes your knuckles. “Your comfort comes before, like, a million views. No! Way more than that!” 

“I…” You start, not meeting her bright gaze. “I’ll be on the stream. This is a big part of you. I want to do this with you.”

With a squeal of excitement, Iono leaps from the chair. “For reals?! Yesss! This is gonna break the internet!” She leans forward to press energetic kisses against your face. A nearby makeup artist reprimands her, saying she’ll smudge your makeup. They’re ignored as Iono keeps kissing you with newfound vigor.

“This’ll be a high-voltage stream everyone will wanna see! Come on! You too, cutie Umbreon.” 

Sitting among the vibrant colors of the ‘Iono Zone,’ you feel out of place. The dark palette of your outfit clashed against the set. You run your hands against Umbreon’s sleek coat, trying not to think of how many people are about to see you.

“Okay! Ze plan is simple. I’ll introduce the show like normal, get the audience reaaaal warmed up for yah.” Iono points her sleeve-covered hand toward you. “Then, you’ll give ‘em the old razz ‘n dazz! After that, the chat’ll be explodin’ with messages, so we’ll spend the rest of the stream answerin’ ‘em.” 

Your thumb rubs against the golden hoop on Umbreon’s head. “What if they don’t like me? I mean, we’re both so different.” 

“Say what?! The net loves that kinda stuff. That whole opposites attract thing, ya know. All you gotta do is show ‘em that cutie-pie smile of yours. They’ll be trapped in your love ball!” 

“If you say so…” You trail off.

Iono leaps to your side, giving you one last smooch on the lips. “There! A super duper special kiss for good luck. Not that we’ll need it, haha!” She stands and faces one of the many cameras. “You’ll do great!”

A producer counts down before the cameras start to roll on Iono. She starts the introduction as usual, and her bright and cheery energy infects the room. You can’t help but feel warm seeing Iono do what makes her happy.

“Now, we’re gonna play a super rad game! Do you guys know what it is?” She gives no time for viewers to respond. “I’m gonna tell ya! Who’s Iono’s super secret guest star? I wondah!” 

The chat rapidly scrolls by, yet Iono still manages to read it. “Alrighty! I’ll tell you, guys, about my super secret guest star. You’ll hafta guess who it is!” She laughs before winking at the camera. “Though I bet you won’t get it!” 

She takes a moment to read that chat. “Do we know them? Hm, I’m not gonna say, nyohoho. First clue: They wear lotsa dark colors, like a Gastly stalking the night.”

‘It is Chairwoman Geeta?’

‘It’s gotta be Gym Leader Larry!’

‘lol imagine if she brought an actual gastly’

“Hm, I haven’t seen the right answer yet.” Her eyes flicker to yours for just a moment. “Second clue: They have the most cutest smile ever! I’m electrified every time I see it.”

‘Definitely isn’t Larry…’

‘Ooo could it be a girl?’

‘maybe it is a gastly’

“Wowzah! We got our first guess. She’s, in fact, a girl.” The chat begins to rapidly fire messages. One, in particular, catches Iono’s eye. “Khe?! Did someone get the right answer already? I thought I was being supes sneaky with the clues.” Her hair clips circle her head.

‘Tell us who it is!’

Iono flaps her arms side to side, pulling a mock hurt expression. “Geez, you guys are so impatient. Well, if you reeeaallly wanna know who it is, I’ll tell yah.” She sets her hands on her hips, giving the camera a wide smile.

She skips over to you, and the camera follows. “Dun-Dun! My super secret guest star is none other than my cool girlfriend! Say hello to the stream, cutie!”

You flash the camera with a nervous smile and you introduce yourself and your Umbreon. The chat spams with questions, comments, and Iono themed emotes. 

‘No way! Iono got game!’

‘How cute, they’re like total opposites!’ 

‘Who asked out the other first?’

‘I bet Umbreon and Bellibolt are such good friends!’

Iono brings her chair closer to yours. “I know it’s hard to believe, but she was the one that asked. Even with her Whismur personality, nyohoho! Oh, tell ‘em how. It was just the cutest thing ever.”

The camera pans closer to your face, and your heart feels like it’ll beat out of your chest. “I just asked.” You laughed nervously. “I don’t remember doing anything cute.” 

A sleeved arm slings around your shoulder. Iono’s body rests upon yours. “What? Everythin’ about it was cute. You didn’t even bring up the bouquet of flowers you brought for me. It was bigger than an extra-large Voltorb!”

A heavy flush covers your cheeks. The chat spams with heart emojis and comments alike. “Uh, well, then they should know how adorable you were. Your hairclips practically flew off your head and your face was so pink.”

Iono’s face pulls a shocked expression, her hair clips spinning in great succession. “Wah! I just couldn’t help it. That confession had my heart totally electrified!” She scoots closer to you, as close as humanly possible. “Just wait until I tell the stream the other stories about you. They’ll be caught in your love ball just like I am!”

[ooops-i-arted]

Filoni has a tendency to create all these parallels between Luke and his special OCs (nowadays "like poetry it rhymes" is basically Filoni regurgitating his favorite moments from the original trilogy). Yet, cowboy hat man makes it so obvious how he's ensuring Luke and Leia don't participate in galactic events that 100% makes sense with their involvement, substituting them with Ahsoka when he decides to reference Thrawn trilogy.

I see people falling for this lack of creativity over and over "isn't it cool how Sabine is literally saying the same line as Luke in New Hope?" "Omg Din said that ship was a 'pile of junk' just like Luke did!" "Teehee Anakin reached out to Ahsoka just like Anakin did to Luke in Empire Strikes Back!" Filoni relies so much on easter eggs and references to bait people and I'm just not impressed with so much of the material he churns out nowadays. Shit is stale.

Omg I just saw the goddamn "it's like poetry it rhymes" caption on Insta on a picture of Blond Apprentice getting MacGuffin StarBall Whatever next to a picture of Darth Maul from TPM getting his spy droid and I'm like NO! NO IT IS NOT POETRY, THERE IS NO SIGNIFICANCE THERE, IT'S JUST A CHEAP COPY OF ONE SHOT WITH NO EMOTIONAL MEANING BEHIND IT. "It's like poetry it rhymes" is like for, how we see Padme unite with the native Gungans in TPM after we saw Leia unite with the native Ewoks in ROTJ, both to defeat a huge threat to both of them. It shows that Leia may not have known Padme but Padme's spirit still lives on in Leia, and signals to the audience that yes, this is Leia's future mother. It actually means something.

I s2g Filoni has made the entire Star Wars fandom just braindead about Easter eggs. Easter eggs are supposed to be a fun addition that enhances something for a viewer in the know, not be a blaring red flag saying LOOK THIS WAS IN ANOTHER STAR WARS FEATURE. A proper Easter egg - and one I loved - was the brief cameo of Threepio in Kenobi. A viewer who has never seen any other Star Wars media will just see a droid adding to the Space Futuristic Worldbuilding, but my sister and I squealed in delight and had a moment of enjoyment. If Filoni had written that, he'd have the camera linger on Threepio, he'd say one of his signature lines, and then say "Oh dear I do believe I've forgotten something" as a har har har wink wink nudge nudge about how he had his memory wiped. I'm so over it, and I say this as someone who LOVES a good Easter egg, or even things like saying "I have a bad feeling about this" in every piece of Star Wars media!

I suppose at least we don't have to see Luke butchered and Leia wasted anymore like in the sequel trilogy.... but it's a sour victory when this is all we get instead. (Also, if I can be a Bad Rude Elitist Fan for a moment.... so many people are gonna think this is all just Filoni's idea, and not realize that Timothy Zahn crafted an amazing book trilogy they can read instead, and just settle for Filoni's box mix cookies instead of a carefully crafted Zahn masterpiece.)

[marigoldbaker]

was having a bunch of uncomplicated fun with the stolen earth until we got to the part where martha introduces herself and rose goes "who's she? >:(" like ..... idk it feels so very much like in-text vindication of the resentment towards martha for Not Being Rose. i do think canon has totally demonstrated that rose has a jealous streak, but the moment lands really wrong with me after literally everything martha went through BECAUSE canon waved a big banner saying MARTHA CAN NEVER MEASURE UP TO ROSE. it's like a little wink wink nudge nudge to the viewers -- ha ha, rose wouldn't like martha either!! rose was the FIRST companion, isn't it fucked up that martha's on this call when it's really ROSE who should be the one talking??? isn't it fucked up that martha's the one who everyone's grateful to hear from when rose is the one who deserves it???

[denimbex1986]

'It’s been a long time since Doctor Who got to be outright goofy. Previous showrunner Chris Chibnall’s era was often an overly serious one, despite Jodie Whittaker’s 13th Doctor’s reputation for being a cheery iteration of the time-traveling alien. But with the return of Russell T. Davies as showrunner and writer, and with the (temporary) return of David Tennant in the title role, Doctor Who is back to being a silly, goofy old time. And that’s never been more clear than in the campy, bordering on ridiculous, anniversary special “The Star Beast.”

The first of three 60th anniversary specials airing this year, “The Star Beast” is Doctor Who in full franchise mode, with writer Davies and director Rachel Talalay (returning to Who after helming the best episodes of the Steven Moffat-Peter Capaldi era, and in perfect lockstep with Davies’ particular brand of camp), scrambling to turn the show back into the bona fide blockbuster event it once was. And they mostly succeed! Reams of fan service and transparent franchise-building can be forgiven because of how wildly fun the whole thing is — even if clunky resolutions and cheesy narrative choices mean the episode doesn’t quite hold together.

Fresh off his mysterious degeneration in “The Power of the Doctor,” the 14th Doctor lands his TARDIS in 21st-century London, where holiday celebrations are starting to be underway. He immediately runs into Donna Noble (Catherine Tate), the same mouthy and brash former companion whose memories he was forced to erase to save her life. That mind-wipe was a fragile procedure dependent on Donna not remembering the Doctor, which becomes a problem since the Doctor looks like David Tennant again. Something seems to be bringing them back together — but what?

“The Star Beast,” a jam-packed hour of television that drops us into the action and rarely stops to take a break, doesn’t give us much time to ponder this mystery. The Doctor’s shock at encountering Donna is interrupted by a crashing spaceship, which sets off a series of events putting them both on on a collision course with a cute, furry alien named Beep the Meep (voiced by the inimitable Miriam Margolyes) and an army of alien warriors chasing it across the universe.

It’s all so immediately campy it’s almost jarring after so many years of Chibnall’s plodding pacing, but that camp is — even if his interpretation of the 14th Doctor is basically just a redux of his 10th Doctor performance. Tate gets to stretch some of her dramatic muscles once again, particularly in scenes with her daughter, Rose (Yasmin Finney, warm and immediately likable in her Doctor Who debut), whose transgender storyline provides one of the episode’s more elegant narratives.

It could frustrate longtime Doctor Who viewers to learn that “The Star Beast” doesn’t bring anything new to the table. The special is almost entirely fan service, down to Donna’s quips, the Doctor’s catchphrases, and the many winks and nudges to Doctor Who history. But this is an anniversary special, after all, and it’s designed to look back, not go forward — even if its gaze backward falls disappointingly short.

But the special’s greatest shortcoming, but also its sneakiest strength, is that it is very much made with fans of the Tennant-Davies era of Doctor Who in mind. Apart from the plot, which is ripped almost verbatim from the 1980 Doctor Who comic strip by Pat Mills and Dave Gibbons (credited in the special as story writers), “The Star Beast” feels frustratingly limited in its celebration of Whovian history because it’s so focused on the “Tennant is back!” of it all. But this also feels like a calculated choice by Davies, who made clear his intention to turn Doctor Who back into the global mega-franchise it once was. Tennant’s Doctor was the closest the show had to a superhero, so if Doctor Who is going to reach Marvel levels of blockbuster spectacle, it needs to double down on the most dashing aspects of its hero.

The obvious franchise aspirations of “The Star Beast” might grate at those who have been feeling Marvel fatigue for a while. But its quippy humor, campy high jinks, and many ridiculous scenes of the Doctor saving the day with a flash of his sonic screwdriver all bring the show back to the baseline of what made the Tennant/Davies era of Doctor Who so successful: It’s in on the joke. Davies was, and still is, intensely aware of the inherent ridiculousness of a show where a time-traveling alien did battle with tin robots and calls attention to it in the most ludicrous ways possible.

Is there such a thing as too goofy? Doctor Who often does find that oversaturation point and some of its best episodes deftly walk that line between silly and serious. But “The Star Beast” doesn’t walk the line as much as it dances a merry jig over it. And in its silliest moments, it never forgets that this is a show about an alien with two hearts and twice as much capacity for compassion. Yes, it sometimes goes overboard, but 60 years in, the show has probably earned it. It’s TV as cotton candy — it’s never quite filling or satisfying, but darn, does it taste good.'

[tanadrin]

interestingly, well into the TNG era, the show had a policy of not hiring writers who indicated they were star trek fans. they easily could have; TNG aired almost 20 years after the original series and was pretty well disseminated into the pop culture by then, and some writers who had been fans of the original show, but kept that information relatively close to the vest, did get spec scripts bought earlier in TNG’s production

but i think this policy--as untenable as it would be now--had a salubrious effect, in that you didn’t get a lot of episodes early in the show’s run retreading popular classic epsiodes like “Amok Time,” “The City on the Edge of Forever,” and “Mirror, Mirror.” you had some re-use of TOS concepts of course--Roddenberry was still executive producer!--but not a lot of what i would call obvious fanservice, including stuff just so fans would go “oh! that thing i recognize!!”

and even later in the TNG era (which includes in this reckoning DS9 and Voyager and maybe even Enterprise, everything before the big hiatus basically), when they did start hiring more former Star Trek fans as writers, I think sometimes they channeled that tendency to fanservice in a creatively productive direction. like the spate of mirror universe episodes in ds9 were all fairly tongue-in-cheek, a way to provide a fun break-up of the increasingly important plot arcs involving the Dominion and stuff as the show went on

but then you compare this to Discovery-era Star Trek, which referenced earlier concept and just spun them out into whole arcs whether they worked or not, just sort of accepting that because they had appeared before in the show they must work as load-bearing elements of the narrative, and i think this fanservicy urge really produces some weak plots. like the over-reliance on the mirror universe and Section 31 in Discovery, concepts which were used sparingly at first but which were deadly earnest and beaten to death in Discovery

heck, even the Borg kind of suffered this fate in Voyager

and as like a structuring principle of shared universes in fiction, i think universes which come to be overly self-referential and come to rely on retreading the same characters and concepts endlessly tend to suffer similar problems. like how in star wars every background character in the original trilogy now has a name and a 300 page backstory, whether that really works on a structural level or not. or the fact that Lower Decks has to constantly reference scenes and moments from TNG and DS9 and the first animated series, whether it makes narrative sense or not, and some episodes descend into an endless wink-wink nudge-nudge hey, you get this, right? you get this reference? you remember that episode?

and yeah, we get it. i get it! i’ve watched a lot of star trek! but even though i’m the putative target audience for this kind of thing, i find it a little hollow! it works better in a half-hour animated comedy, of course, because we’re meant to take that less seriously, but even Strange New Worlds is guilty of this to a lesser extent. like why do we need to reference Star Trek V, an infamously bad and forgettable movie, in a way that has no bearing on the actual episode itself? why does sam kirk need to show up, a character who is literally never alive on screen and mentioned only in one TOS episode to up the emotional stakes for the main characters? we have a lot of other interesting, original plot threads to follow--the illyrians and the gorn to name two, which use but build on (i.e., are not simply phatic references to) earlier-introduced concepts, and as both a tv watcher and a science fiction connoisseur, i find that more interesting!

If casual viewers wanted something that told a new kind of story, they wouldn’t go for batman or star trek or whatever. They’d go for something original. Since they’re showing up for the thing with the familiar name, they’ll actually be pretty pissed off if it doesn’t have what they think the vibe that was advertised was. 

i think this is a pretty dismal view of what entertainment is. like, obviously it’s insufficient, because tv shows and movies even in long-running franchises don’t retreat the same formats and setpieces endlessly, and even straight reboots often introduce new variations on the original formula to keep it fresh. there’s a degree of continuity that’s important--there are things that make star trek star trek and not star wars or battlestar galactica--but the point is not to produce the same Extruded Television Product over and over again

there also seems to be here, i dunno, like the implicit assumption that it’s not worth talking about what we find structurally or narratively interesting/satisfying/rewarding about star trek, because that’s not what a pop culture institution like that is for, it’s just for casual entertainment, it’s not that deep. and i think that’s kind of silly? like i engage in critical discussion and critical analysis of shows like star trek because i find it interesting and inherently rewarding to do so, because it is fun for me to examine the mechanics of fiction and why i find some fiction more satisfying and other less. obviously i can only really do that with works i know well (like star trek); presumably there’s a lot of intense debate out there in some corner on the internet over the Babylon 5 franchise, but i never watched more than a few episodes of that show and so i couldn’t begin to construct a well thought out discussion of its narrative

Lower Decks is the best Star Trek

i like lower decks! but it's trading heavily on TNG-era nostalgia in the same way picard (and especially picard season 3) is, and this makes it stand less on its own aesthetically and narratively. i think that's a weakness! it's less sure of itself, more hesitant about telling truly new stories. this is a problem i also have with some bits of SNW.

i think star trek is doing a bit better than star wars at this point in its development of not being devoured in an ourobouros of self-referential stories that only cover the same handful of characters over and over again, like a dementia patient who cannot help but repeat the same stories a thousand times. but you can definitely see where it's feeling the same underlying pull in that direction, and i think that's something to be avoided. this was one good thing about discovery deciding to set season 3 onward in the very far future--just by virtue of recontextualizing the show so radically it was forced to strike out in new directions.

[luimagines]

Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

Masterlist

Can’t get more self explanatory than this folks.

For Wind’s scenario, the reader is the same age.

Very cheesy lines up ahead. Viewer discretion is advised.

Time

“Do you believe in love at first sight- or I need to walk by again?” You raise an eyebrow at Time with a smirk and a cocky pose with a hand on your hip.

He looks down at you and fails to stop his own smirk in time.

However Time does not answer you.

You bite you tongue, a little frustrated at the lack of reaction and try with a different one. “You know if sexy was a crime, you’d be found guilty as charged.”

You wink this time for good measure.

Time snorts and shakes his head. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“...Trying to get you to blush.” You admit with a shy grin and a shrug.

“You’re going to have to do more than that.” His smirk grows.

“You could be a little cooperative.” You mutter and pout.

“Your lines need a little more work.” He begins to make his way toward you. “But there’s a golden rule to this that you should learn if you want a place to start.”

“Hey! What do you-” You stop short and gulp slightly as Time gets into your personal space. “...know...?”

Time takes your chin between his thumb and pointer finger and tilts your head up. It’s a gentle touch that catches you off guard and makes you feel smaller than you usually do when you’re next to him. He stares right into your eyes and your forced to do the same.

“Here’s the thing.” He begins and you swear his voice drops an octave. “I don’t consider myself a religious man... But when I first laid my eyes on you I knew that you were the answers to my prayers.”

Time lets you go and begins to walk away as if that never happened. “Delivery is key.”

You look after him, heart pounding, a little breathless and feeling the heat of his breath on your face still. Or maybe the heat is your blush.

Oh it’s on now.

Twilight

“Excuse me, Sir Twilight.” You wave to your friend and smile easily when he gives you his attention. “I am in need of a map.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“I-... Come on man, you don’t have to rain on my parade.” You pout slightly and refuse to give in when he chuckles at your theatrics.

“Oh, my apologies. What do you need a map for?” He smiles and places his hands on his hips.

“It appears I’ve gotten lost.” You hold your head up high and step closer to him.

“How? I’m right here. How are you lost?”

“I’ve gotten lost in your eyes.” You wink and faint on him slightly. “They’re just like the ocean! I’d gladly swim in them all day!”

Twilight pushes you off gently and flicks your forehead.

“Ow.”

“You’ll live. You’ve got thick skin.” He grins. “It’s not as thick as my shirt however. It’s made out of something not found just anywhere.”

“Oh yeah?” You rub the spot gently. “What’s it made of then country boy? Goat hair?”

“Oh you know... It’s boyfriend material.” He says with a shrug and spins around to walk away. 

“Oh haha...” You smirk and walk a little faster to catch up to him. “Of course it is. Before you go, do you mind holding this for me?”

You stick your clenched hand out next to Twilight and he holds his own hand out without any thought to it. “Sure what is it?”

You don’t answer and instead place your hand down in his, unfurl your fingers and lace them with his. “Thanks, it was getting heavy.”

He snorts but continues to hold it for the rest of the walk.

Wild

“Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile!” You jump on Wild’s back and hug him from behind, a laugh on your breath and a grin on your face.

Wild laughs as well and grabs your arms, spinning around for a moment before letting you fall. “That was cheesy.”

“It was supposed to be.” You wink.

“Do you even have a camera?” Wild rolls his eyes.

“That has nothing to do with what I said.” You pout slightly and put your hands on your hips. “But I know you do. You’re really good at using it to.”

“Not that good.”

“Wild you have natural talent, a gift if you will, at taking photos.” You nudge him with your arm and mockingly bow. 

“I’m wouldn’t consider myself a photographer.”

“But incredibly good at taking them in the moment.”

“I suppose so.” Wild shrugs and tosses a cocky smile in your direction. ”I mean, I can definitely picture us together.”

You bite you lip in an attempt to hide your growing grin. “Do you have any raisins?”

“Nope.”

“How about dates?”

“None of those either.”

“Want to go on one with me?”

Wild pauses mid-step and blinks for a moment before turning to you. “Oh, you’re good.”

Sky

“What is it that you do for fun back in your home world?” Sky asks as your both walking through the forest for the day. 

Grin and tilt your head in his direction. “I’m studying to become a historian. I’m especially interested in finding a date.” You send him a wink. 

He scoffs but smiles good naturedly. “Of course. Naturally.”

“You?”

“I like the ride my loftwing through the sky and see the view. I wish I could show you guys but...”

“Maybe when we get there.” You nudge his shoulder and point up to the clouds above you. “Hopefully the skies look better there than here.”

“It’s absolutely is.” He looks up as well and you look over to him.

You lean in a little and snap, a large smile on your face. “I think I figured it out!”

“What?”

“No wonder the sky is grey- all the color is in your eyes.”

Sky bites his lip and puts his hand to his face to hide his growing smile and blush as he laughs. “Stop.”

“Did the sun just come out or did you smile at me?”

“Oh my god!”

Hyrule

“Hyrule, I have a question that I think only you can answer.” You say and wrap your arm around his shoulders.

This takes him by surprise and he’s quick to offer his assistance. “What is it?”

“You’re pretty good with magic right?”

“I know a few spells, sure, but if it’s about magic as a whole? You might better off with Legend.” Hyrule shrugs and offers an apologetic smile.

“But my question is about your magic.” You stress and poke his chest. “You see, before I get to where I’m going, let me ask you this. Are you a magician?”

“...I’d consider myself more a mage?” He tilts his head.

“Ok, prefect, explain this to me then, if you’d be so kind.” You can’t help but grin wildly. “Why is it then, that I’m looking at you, you make everyone else disappear?”

“I...I don’t know.’ Hyrule blushes all the way down to his neck and scratches it bashfully. He takes a minute to compose himself before grinning and tossing you a shy side eye. “You’re too sweet, you know that?”

“Believe me, you’re the sweet one. You’re giving me a toothache over here!”

Hyrule shoves you away then and clamps his hands over his face but from what he doesn’t cover, you can see the wide grin from behind his hands.

Mission accomplished.

Legend

“You take that back Fancy Pants!” Legend shouted. “Or I’ll toss right into the heart of Death Mountain!”

“You couldn’t.” Warrior rolled his eyes. “Not without your oh- so- powerful bracelets and rings and hoard of items.”

“If I could change the alphabet, I’d put F and U together!”

Warrior snorted and walked away. “Just admit that you lost and leave it at that. There’s no need to embarrass yourself further.”

“You-!” 

You sighed and walked up to where Legend was left fuming. “Great come back.”

“Shut up!”

“I wouldn’t take what he says to heart.” You shrug and smile at him. “I think he just gets a kick out of your reactions.”

“That brainless, boorish-”

“You want to know something?” You cut him off before he could go on a cursing spree for the next hour.

“Sure.” He spits. “Hit me with it. What do I care.” 

“If I could change of the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” You grin widely and wait for his reaction.

But you don’t get one.

Instead he stares at you unamused with his arms crossed and face flat. “Ok, I think I get what he means now.”

“What?” You raise and eyebrow and scoff. “Is that not good enough for you? Ok. How about this one then? You have so many items. Any chance that you have an extra heart? Mine’s been stolen!”

You complete the sentence with throwing yourself onto his side, hand on your forehead and looking up at him with the most blissful expression you can manage.

He snorts a little, forgetting his previous sour attitude and shoves you off.

“That’s low hanging fruit.” 

“Geeze tough crowd.” You brush yourself off and grin at him. “Despite that, I have to say, even though we’re not socks, I think we’d make a great pair!”

“You’re impossible.” He smiles a little easier and begins to walk away.

Well, he might have missed your point but at least he was feeling better.

Four

You sigh and run your hand through your hair. It’s wet and sticking to your face as you get out of the lake.

Four is there on the other side and you find yourself grinning.

Despite the way everything seems to be sticking to you, you jog to where he is and stop in front of him. “Here I am! What are your other two wishes?”

He snorts and glances in your direction. He stills suddenly and no so subtlety looks you up and down.

“Like what you see?”

“It’s a good thing I brought my library card.” He says in response.

“You have your what now?”

“Because I am totally checking you out.”

You blink and laugh. Because yes, you are soaking wet and all your clothes are sticking to your figure. 

“Huh.” You roll your eyes and sit next to him in the sun to dry off faster. “This spot open?”

“Go right on ahead.”

“I think I have something wrong with my eyes.” You grin.

“Wait, really?” He spin in his spot to look into them as if that’ll make or break the problem. “What’s the problem?”

“I just can’t seem to take them off of you.” 

Four goes red immediately and shoves you away with one hand on his face and other on yours. “Ok, you win.”

Warrior

“So aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” You slide up to where Warrior was sitting and lean on his shoulder, waiting for his reaction to your line.

He turns his head to look at you and you show him your cheesiest smile and he rolls his eyes.

“Wow...I’ve never heard that one before.” He snorts, letting it slide.

It clicks then that, that could have gone really bad considering it’s Warrior and he’s probably dealt with all kinds of harassments. But you count your lucky stars that he appears to be humoring you and isn’t offended at least.

“Alright, tough guy, what’s your best one?” You challenge and sit next to him.

“Really?”

“Yes. Prove me wrong. Go on. Do it.”

Warrior looks down at the ground for a second and looks back at you with that trade marked smirk, you associate him with. “Are you sure you can fire one back though? I’m sure you’re tired.”

“Why on earth would I be tired? It’s the middle of the day.”

“You were running through my mind all night. So, you must be tired. ” He says casually and looks away.

The blush is instantaneous on your face and you have to cough and look away from his stupid-charming face. That one... has a lot of implications..... depending on the audience..

A moment of silence passes and he laughs a little quietly under his breath. “That’s it? That’s all it took?”

“No.” You squeak and look at him head on.

Your blush still hasn’t gone away.

“I just...”

Warrior continues smirking. He’s enjoying this. “Cat got your tongue?”

You huff and look at the supplies in front of you. “It’s hardly my fault.”

“Sure it is.”

“You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.”

Warrior stills and coughs in a similar manner that you did only seconds ago.

Now you’re both blushing messes.

Wind

“Hey Wind!” You call and run up to his side. “I just figured something out!”

“What is it?” Wind stops mid step and waits for you to reach his side.

You’re a little out of breath from running the distance but you grin wildly at him. “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.”

He snorts and shoves you away slightly, continuing to walk along the trail behind the others. You can hear some of the older ones chuckles but you’re determined.

“I think out of everyone, you’re the cute one here, actually.” Wind smiles in your direction and it throws you off of your rhythm for a moment.

Enough so that you actually trip and fall on the trail, pain shooting from your knee.

“Woah, hey, are you ok?” Wind jogs back to you and helps you up.

You hiss and look at the damage. As far as scrapes go, it’s not that bad, but you are bleeding a little.

“Do you have a bandage?” You blink up at Wind. “I just scraped my knee falling for you.”

He blinked a bit, stunned and confused before a lightbulb seems to go in his head and he blushes brightly. He chuckles and places a hand be the back of his neck. Wind then gets down to his knees next to you and brushes the dirt from your knee. He’s very cute when he’s bashful, you think.

“Let me see what I have in my pack.” He says with a bright grin.

It’s not like the others are watching this all go down or anything.... 

They don’t say anything though, less they ruin the tenderness of budding crushes.

[anthonycrowleymoved]

I know this is old discourse but in light of destiel becoming canon, what are your thoughts on neil gaiman not allowing Crowley and Aziraphale to be gay lovers? He said that they're angels, not men, so is that supposed to imply that they're not gay simply cuz they're non-binary (so they're asexual)? I just wanna know if they'e in love or not lol. I ship them so much.

yeah okay this is gonna have to be tagged neil discourse because thinking about this over a year later i’m still mad huh

so like. i know very well what he said at the time. he was basically like, and i’m paraphrasing but that’s because i simply do not care enough to give a direct quote but on twitter he was like ‘oh well angels don’t UNDERSTAND human concepts like GENDER and SEXUAL ATTRACTION so NO they’re NOT GAY’ and then someone was like ‘but they’re in love right?’ and he was like ‘of course.’ right? everyone agrees that’s what happened right after the show aired? and like, okay, i’m not going to begrudge people seeing this as representative of themselves if they’re nb and/or ace, that’s cool and fine, and you do you. i find it interesting that i saw a ton more criticism about it on here than on twitter, but that’s probably just more indicative of who i’m following and how much i’m on here than anything else. anyway.

let’s break this bullshit down and explain piece by piece why i think neil’s quote unquote representation in gomens is a hot garbage fire and why it kind of rubbed me the wrong way from the moment i saw it.

1. he posted it on twitter. he wrote the script and could have like, you know, put it into the show, if them being In Love was like, actually part of the story. he had the ability to do that. gomens was already going to piss off right wing groups because of how it treats religion, this wasn’t something i legitimately think amazon/the beeb would have just said ‘no’ to if neil was serious about it. mean, maybe that’s a bit far into conspiracy territory, but i truly believe if they really wanted to make azcrow canon the one person who could have managed getting a scene would have been the author/showrunner. and because he didn’t if you’re a casual viewer who’s not fucking following his goddamned twitter seeing gay representation is now a rorschach test

‘they don’t adhere to human ways of thinking about gender and sexuality’ MANY THOUGHTS HERE but let’s start with

2. i think hallie originally said this and neil i know you wrote the book but like. did you read the book neil. because i thought one of the main points of it was that aziraphale and crowley had effectively ‘gone native’ and saw themselves more like humans than like celestial beings. and they’d been on earth for all of human history. it’s a bad take i’m sorry i know he literally wrote it but like really. really.

3. look i’m nb and i’d love some nb rep. but that was not nb rep. those were two cis male actors playing (largely) male presenting characters with absolutely no in-text indications that they aren’t cis. there’s one (a few? god it’s been a minute since i watched the show) character referred to by singular ‘they’ and it’s not aziraphale or crowley. and like, look, i get that in real life there’s nb people who don’t go by gender neutral pronouns and that’s cool and fine because that’s what those people feel inside. but, like, this isn’t real life, it’s a tv show, and referring to male presenting characters as he/him and then occasionally putting them in feminine clothing isn’t representation because people who aren’t looking for that kind of representation aren’t going to see it, they’re going to see a joke about a man in a dress

4. and i’m not ace so i can’t speak on that, but i do remember at the time ace people being like ‘that....was not ace rep’ so like, make of that what you will. again, i’m not going to tell you you can’t see them as nb and/or ace, but like, i’m just asking you, was that really representation? like, was it? in your heart like, would you have been happy with that representation if neil didn’t tell you it was representation? because if you’re just starved for content, that’s FINE, you’re ALLOWED, all i’m asking you is to not praise the creator for doing fuck all.

5. ‘of course [they’re in love]’ again where??? where??? where is it neil. where is it in the actual text of the show. like there’s in text evidence that they love each other platonically and there’s lots of jokes made by other characters but like. i hate to say that but that’s it. i don’t know why this off the cusp response still makes my blood boil but boy does it

6. i don’t want to go looking for it because i’ve done that like six times but there’s a post on neil’s tumblr from before the show dropped about how there would be moments that people who ship it would be happy with but it wouldn’t become canon. you can look it up i swear he said that in like....december of 2018ish? something like that. which, again, is fine on its own, but combined with the fact that after he was like ‘lmao that’s what i was going for’......not my favorite look

what i’m saying is like, if he wanted to create an actual queer narrative he could have but he just like, chose not to and then when he realized he could have people watching his show just because they’re thirsty for representation that isn’t there i think he went ‘oh i’ll jk rowling this’ i don’t KNOW that that’s what happened but, like, that’s what it looks like to me.

i used to regularly refer to the “representation” in gomens as nu-queerbaiting, which i still like as a term, because to me it’s the person in charge (not the actors, usually, unless they have some say in the writing process) going, oh no they’re totally in love with each other totally trust me :) and then like, they’re not, not really, not to the people who like, watch the show but don’t fucking follow the author on twitter. and that’s. i’m sorry, that’s not canon to me.

and, to be honest, how this is presented honestly makes me more angry than if it was just maybe in-universe wink wink nudge nudge, because i’m USED to queerbaiting and i know that like, almost nothing ever ever ever comes of it and i get it and i like having fun anyways, so i deal. and like, i was a book fan before the show came out. the book was written in the late 80s, and i knew that it wasn’t going to be anywhere near as gay as the fandom has made that work for thirty goddamned years, and i was fine with that. like, going into it, i joked, but it was fine because it was a relatively faithful adaption of a book i like. i wasn’t looking for gay representation, even though i ship aziraphale and crowley.

but like, there was this wave of people who came looking for representation, and the show is so vague on that concept that they saw it, but it’s like. it’s not actually really there. there’s no one saying ‘yes they’re really irl in love.’ there’s two male-presenting characters who COULD be in love, if you choose to view it like that, but maybe aren’t. and like, that’s FINE, on it’s own, but i hate that someone in a position of power said ‘no you’re right lmao’ even though he didn’t do shit. it was made in 2019. queer representation should be better than that. i’m not patting neil on the back for doing literally nothing.

so like, tldr: yeah the rep is bad in my opinion!!! it’s not good!!!! i don’t like how neil handled it and it’s gross!!!! i hope this answers your question!!!!

anyway that being said azcrow is such a good ship anyway, so like, why does it matter if they’re canon? ship em anyways no one can stop me from doing it even though how it was handled by the actual creator is a garbage fire when you look at it for more than like, thirty seconds. like......why must a ship be ‘canon’? is it not enough to read a book and see two celestial beings, in love with humanity?

[fruitcoops]

I love reading all your works and they put a smile on my face everytime I see them. Is there any chance you could do a whole Lupin family truth or drink (with or without Sirius is cool too) thanks

Hello anon! Thank you for your kind words--they mean more than you know <3 Jules isn’t included here because he’s 10 and the questions are not suited for 10-year-olds, but this was so much fun to write all the same! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for alcohol and mentions of sex

“We’re back!” Marlene announced with a smile as she set up an unlabeled bottle on the table, along with three shot glasses. “And today, we’re doing something a little different with truth or drink. Loops, do you want to do the intros?”

Remus waved at the camera. “Hey, Lions, I’m Remus Lupin and these are my parents, Hope and Lyall.” He frowned and looked over at Marlene. “You toned down the questions, right? These are PG?”

“Nope!” she said cheerfully as she took her place behind the camera. “Take it away, Hope, it’s good to have you back!”

“It’s good to be back!” she said, smiling. “I had so much fun last time. Alright, Loops, describe your first kiss.”

He shook his head with a laugh. “It’s so weird hearing you call me that. Uh, I was seventeen and I kissed Ellie Sanders from down the street during her birthday party for a game of truth or dare.”

“Seventeen? I was expecting earlier, to be honest,” Lyall said as he took a card. “Hope, darling, have you ever been arrested?”

She reached for her shot glass and Remus’ jaw fell open. “What?”

“Well, I guess I have to answer it now,” she sighed. “Sweetheart, I grew up in the seventies and eighties, and your father and I met during a protest. This should not surprise you.”

“We can drink at any time, right?” Remus asked Marlene before taking a shot and drawing a card. “I could answer this one. Was I an accident?”

“Yes,” the three of them said at the same time.

“I was 21, he was 23, we had been married for three months and were not planning on having kids for at least six years,” Hope explained. She reached over and took Remus’ hand. “But you were the best accident. Okay, my turn. Have you ever had sex in my house?”

“I knew that kind of question was coming up,” Remus muttered. “No, I have not, and I don’t plan on ever doing it. My childhood bedroom is literally the least sexy place I can think of.”

“I don’t know, those plaid sheets and wall-to-wall bookshelves are really something, “ Lyall teased as he took a card. Remus rolled his eyes. “In a similar vein: when did you lose your virginity, and did you use protection?”

“Again, I was seventeen, and I did use protection because I knew I was gay at that point and didn’t want to risk anything.” Remus ran a hand down his face. “Ugh, this was not how I thought my day was going to go.”

“Was it the same night as your first kiss?” Hope gasped when he nodded. “Look at you go!”

“Oh my god, mom.” Remus picked a new card. “Ha! This should be interesting. Who’s your favorite child? Both of you have to answer.”

Hope drummed her fingers on her knees and Lyall bit his lip. “I love you for different reasons,” he finally said. “Jules is more cuddly and outgoing than you, but you actually have an off-switch and you’re a very kind person. Yeah, it’s an even split.”

“I can’t choose,” Hope said, tapping the edge of her card on the table. “You’re my boys and I love you. That’s all that matters. Have you ever been in love?”

“Yes, I have.” A soft smile tilted the edge of Remus’ lips up and he glanced behind the camera.

“Who are you looking at?” Marlene asked. “The viewers can’t see back here.”

“Oh! Sorry. My fiancé is on a bench by the wall with the car keys.” All three of them waved to Sirius. “Alright, dad, you’re up.”

“Which parent do you like more?” He mock-frowned at Remus. “I hope you know our future relationship directly depends on your answer to this single question from a drinking game on a Wednesday afternoon.”

“Just for that, I’m choosing mom,” Remus said, laughing when Lyall cuffed him lightly on the shoulder. “In all honesty, I don’t have a favorite. Like you said earlier, I love you both for different reasons.”

“What reasons?” Hope asked.

“Dad, you taught me to cook and got me into hockey, but mom encouraged me to stick with PT and always goes the extra mile.” He rolled his shot glass between his fingers for a moment. “I just know that I’m really lucky to have you both in my life, because you’ve been nothing but supportive.”

Hope dabbed at her eye with the sleeve of her sweater and Lyall took a deep breath. “Whew. Okay. Please ask something super awkward,” he said.

“I’ll do my best,” Remus laughed. His smile turned into a grimace when he read the card and he rested his forehead on the table.

Hope nudged him with her elbow. “What, are you going to chicken out this late in the game? We don’t raise wusses in the Lupin family.”

“You have to ask it,” Marlene called.

Remus sat up and shook his shoulders out. “Dad, have you—I am begging you to drink—have you ever performed oral sex on mom?”

“Performed?” Lyall snorted. “What is this, the circus?”

Remus handed him the bottle. “Please drink.”

Lyall poured himself a shot and drank it; just as Remus was starting to look mildly relieved again, he grinned. “Yes, I have.”

“Damn it.” Remus covered his face with his hands. “I should have known you would answer anyway. Jesus. I need to sear that from my brain.”

Hope took her next card and slid the bottle to Remus. “What’s your favorite sexual position? I really don’t need to know this, sweetheart.”

“No, you certainly do not!” Remus said brightly, drinking his shot. “In fact, I’m glad you don’t want to.”

Lyall cleared his throat and took a card. “What’s something I do that embarrasses you?”

“This game is rigged to give all the loaded questions to you,” Remus laughed. “You need to figure out what you want for gifts. You always say you want nothing, and then the day after Christmas you’re pining after something you never told people you wanted.”

“I do not,” Lyall scoffed. Remus and Hope shared a look and his eyes widened. “Hey!”

“Okay, my turn.” Remus’ eyebrows rose when he read the card. “When I moved out, were you relieved or sad?”

“Oh, shit,” Hope murmured with a sniffle. “I’m already crying. Both. There was a little bit of both.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The first move only happened for a little while when you went to college, but you moved back after the accident and that was���tough.”

“It was easy letting you go the first time,” Lyall said, softer than he had been yet. “You were ready then. The second time, we were so worried and also so proud of you for everything you had worked for.”

Remus scrunched his nose up and let out a shaky breath, leaning their temples together. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Hope whispered. Lyall ruffled his hair. She coughed lightly and took a new card. “Please be something uncomfortably sexual. Ah, bummer. If someone offered you $10,000 dollars to never talk to me again, would you do it?”

Remus snorted. “No.”

“What about $100,000?”

“Nope.”

“A million?”

“Is this an auction?”

“If someone gave you ten million dollars to never speak to me again, would you take it?”

“Holy shit, mom!” he laughed. “Do you want me to stop talking to you? Is this a hint?”

“We did good,” she said, giving her husband a high-five.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “Would you guys stop talking to me for ten million dollars?”

“No, never,” Lyall assured him before turning and winking at the camera. Remus groaned. “Our minds have traded bodies—“

“They have? That explains a lot.”

“Shush. If our minds traded bodies, what is the first thing you would do in my body?”

“No offense, but I would run as far away from mom as humanly possible. We are not having any Oedipus moments in this household. The second thing I would do is reach things on the high shelves of my house, because even though I’m five foot eleven, my six foot three fiancé insists on putting things just slightly out of reach.” Remus craned his neck to see behind the camera. “Yes, I’m talking about you. Stop laughing!”

“You don’t think the aforementioned fiancé would be curious as to why your dad was suddenly on the front doorstep?”

“I would hope you would explain what was going on when you woke up in my body.” When Lyall didn’t answer, Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dad. If we switch bodies, I need you to promise me you won’t sleep with my fiancé.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“You’re not even into men!”

“How do you know?” He burst out laughing at Remus’ shocked expression. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. The first thing I would do is go skating, because I bet your knees don’t hurt after ten minutes. Then I would go to the dentist, because I know you’re bad about scheduling your appointments.”

“He’s right!” A distant voice called.

Remus gave Marlene a disbelieving look as he drew a card. “Is this turning into Remus Lupin Callout Hour? Alright, if you could change one thing about me, what would it be?”

“Scheduling skills,” Lyall answered immediately.

“Answering phone calls,” Hope added.

Remus seemed surprised by her answer. “You told Sirius you didn’t like it when he got into fights on the ice. I was expecting the same here.”

She shrugged. “It’s kind of neat, seeing my kid get in a rumble out there. I’m very proud of you. Less proud when you start bleeding, but that’s only because you have a very nice nose and straight teeth.”

“You heard it here first, folks,” Remus said to the camera. “My mother worries more about my nose and my teeth that the fact that I’m getting beaten up.”

“I think that’s the last question,” Marlene said with a laugh. “How are you all feeling?”

“I feel fantastic,” Lyall answered.

“I know far too much about my parents’ sex life.”

“It was one question,” Hope scoffed. “I feel wonderful, for your information. These are always such fun.”

“Should we ask Jules to come next time?” Marlene asked.

“Seeing as he’s ten and knows way too many embarrassing stories about me, absolutely not,” Remus said.

“We could give him apple juice, he’d have a good time,” Hope shrugged. “I would not oppose it.”

“You’re famous now, Loops.” Lyall grinned. “The tabloids would love having your baby brother as a gold mine of information.”

“Can I sign us off?” he asked Marlene. “Please tell me I can sign us off. I need to leave, like, five minutes ago.”

“You’re depriving me of content, Re!”

“Hey, hockey fans, thanks for tuning in to Lion Pride’s Truth or Drink! I’m Remus Lupin, these are my parents, and we hope you have a great day.”

[purrincess-chat]

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s Spite Playlist: Remix CH14

Things are changing ;) The next 10 chapters look a lot different than the original, and most of them are brand new.

Previous      First      Next     AO3

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Chapter 14: Death by a Thousand Cuts

The crowd waiting for Ladybug and Chat Noir outside the Louvre grew thicker as another van pulled up, and a crew of reporters hopped out. Alya drummed her fingers on her phone, shifting when the new additions forced their way into the throng. She just wanted answers. Being selected to be Rena Rouge meant she had some sort of bond with Ladybug, right? So why did Ladybug replace her without warning? Was it out of necessity? Or did the fox Miraculous have a permanent new owner?

Camera bulbs flashed as the heroes exited the museum, and several microphones competed for their attention, swallowing Alya in a sea of limbs. Lila promised a private interview, and if her stories were to be believed, she’d better come through. This was the moment that would define their friendship, and more importantly, Alya would finally learn if Marinette and Adrien were telling the truth.

“Ladybug!”

“What’s the story on this akuma?”

“Can you confirm that you and Chat Noir are dating?”

“Do you have any leads on tracking down Hawkmoth?”

“A student got punished for wandering off on a field trip. No, we’re not dating—stop asking! And as of right now, we have no leads, but Chat Noir and I are doing everything in our power to keep you all safe,” she said smoothly. She never once looked at Alya in the crowd.

“Ladybug,” Alya spoke up.

Ladybug shifted to face her, though her face bore no sense of recognition or familiarity. Her expression was blank, cold, business-like, distant—a steely mask hiding her emotions.

Alya bit her lip and continued. “Um, I was hoping to get an answer to a question many of my followers have. Do you have time for an interview?”

Ladybug’s earrings beeped frantically—a reminder that the heroes were on literal timers.

“I’ve only got a couple minutes,” she replied. “Make it quick.”

Strike one.

“My viewers want to know what happened to Rena Rouge. Will Malin be a permanent replacement, or was he a temporary stand-in?” she asked.

Several reporters rolled their eyes. As far as they were concerned, these questions were yesterday’s news. No one else seemed to care that Rena Rouge was replaced. They clung to whoever wore the suit in the moment, but it was the most important question in the world to Alya.

Something flashed in Ladybug’s eyes, an uneasy expression Alya saw in the mirror a lot as of late. Those big blue eyes were filled with pain, hurt, and regret, but Alya couldn’t figure out why. What had she done to receive such tortured expressions from someone who once trusted her?

“Malin will wield the Fox Miraculous in all battles moving forward.” She grabbed her yoyo. “No more questions. Bug out.”

Reporters glared daggers at Alya for wasting their opportunity to get the latest scoop. Alya could see it in their eyes. As far as they were concerned, Rena Rouge was old news. Her heart dropped to her feet, shattering like glass on concrete.

Strike two.

“I’ll be happy to take a few more questions.” Chat Noir stepped to the center of the crowd. His eyes skipped over Alya too, lengthening the chasm growing between them.

Strike three.

All the microphones pointed at him, pushing Alya aside just as Ladybug had done to Rena Rouge. Her heart hammered in her chest, a painful lump blocking her throat as tears welled in her eyes. Did Ladybug not trust her anymore? What did it all mean? Lila was supposed to talk to her and set up a private interview, but Ladybug treated her so coldly. Why?

Because she’s a liar.

The thought flashed in her mind, Marinette’s familiar voice ringing in her ears. Alya had to wonder if knowing the truth was any better than living in ignorance. One thing was certain: if Lila really was a liar, then Alya had a lot of apologizing to do.

♪♫♪ Sanctuary ♪♫♪

“Hey, you made it!” Macy took Marinette’s hands and planted kisses on her cheeks. “Is Adrien coming?”

“He said he was.” Marinette retrieved her phone from her purse to check her messages.

“You two should sit together.” Macy insisted, and when Marinette’s eyebrows raised, she added, “I’m a huge fan of his, but you two seem really close, and I’d never want to start anything over a boy. It’s not worth ruining our friendship.”

“Macy…” Marinette pulled her in for a hug. “You’re the best.”

“No, you are, and if Adrien can’t see that then he has poor taste,” Macy said. “If you ever need a wingwoman, I’ve got your back, and I’m sure Eliott can teach you all kinds of ways to flirt.”

“I might take him up on that. I’m hopeless.” Marinette admitted. “Sometimes when I talk to him my words come out wrong.”

“Why don’t I set up the perfect scene for you two tonight?” Macy offered. “Afterall, the play is packed with romance. He won’t know what hit him.”

“Who won’t know what?” Adrien asked as he and Martin approached.

“Oh, nothing,” Macy said with a coy lilt. “Just girl stuff, you wouldn’t be interested.”

“I get it. Keep your secrets.” Adrien smirked.

“Come on, Eliott reserved us box seats!” Macy took Marinette’s wrist and led the way.

As promised, Macy sat Marinette next to Adrien and toted Martin off with her to “get a drink.” Adrien seemed oblivious to her plans but unbothered by the extra alone time with Marinette.

“So, your dad let you come, huh?” Marinette said conversationally.

“He’s more amicable toward other rich people, and he thinks theatre is a more…enriching activity.” He rolled his eyes. “I guess he figures I’ll behave.”

“Either way, I’m glad. It means we can spend more time together.” Marinette offered him a shy smile.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a downer. I’m really glad he’s letting me out. Ever since you changed schools, I don’t get to see you as often, so I always look forward to spending time together,” he said.

Marinette’s heart skipped three beats. “Yeah, it’s great! N-Not that he doesn’t trust you, but that we can hang out, I mean. It stinks that he doesn’t trust all of your friends and keeps you at home, and I’m sure it must be hard for you, and… I’m gonna stop talking.”

She turned to face forward, slapping her palm to her forehead. Maybe she should have hit up Eliott for flirting advice before she let Macy push them together.  

“No, no! It’s fine. It is hard, but I’ve got really great friends like you who understand, so that makes it better,” he said.

“You know I’m always here for you if you want to talk about it. Any time.” She reached out, hesitantly at first, to place her hand over his. “You’re…really important to me, Adrien.”

Adrien searched her soft expression before a smile curled on his lips. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.” He gave her hand a squeeze as Macy and Martin returned.

Macy nudged Marinette with a giggle, and she bit back a smile. Maybe she wasn’t as hopeless as she thought. Adrien kept hold of her hand until the lights dimmed, and the theatre hall broke into applause. It was a small gesture, but Marinette would take it.

Eliott played an amazing Chat Noir, and even Margot didn’t do too bad as Ladybug, despite being a total brat behind the scenes. The play was fun, and a reminder of how much Paris trusted Ladybug and Chat Noir to defend them. Though, she did find fault with their kiss at the end seeing as she and Chat were so not like that, but Paris wanted what it wanted even if it couldn’t be further from the truth.

“You. Were. Awesome!” Macy tackled Eliott the moment they met up afterward.

“Thanks,” Eliott chuckled. “I think that was my best performance.”

“You play Chat Noir so well, Eliott. Are you sure you’re not really him?” Marinette teased.

“I’d believe it,” Adrien said. “I’m impressed by the quality of your playwright’s puns.”

“They’re almost as cheesy as the real Chat Noir’s,” Marinette added with a grunt.

“Not feline the cat puns, Marinette?” Adrien folded his arms over his chest and cocked a brow.

“Purrhaps she just doesn’t find them funny,” Eliott said with a wink.

“Then she has a very purr sense of humor.” Adrien smirked.

Marinette rolled her eyes, shooting him a playful grin of her own. “I just think his comedic timing needs work. They’re saving Paris; shouldn’t he take his job a little more seriously?”

“Meowch. No appreciation for good comedy with this one,” Adrien said.

“I may have to reconsider purrmitting you to attend the after party on my yacht,” Eliott said. “You have to make one cat pun to be admitted.”

“Do I have to?” Marinette groaned.

“We can chat about it on the way.” Macy giggled as Adrien and Eliott praised her contribution.

“Yeah, we’ve gato go.” Martin pointed to the door, only adding fuel to the fire.

Marinette sighed. “Betrayed by all of my friends at once. That’s cold.” When they all gave her expectant looks, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Please leave meowt of this.”

She rolled her eyes as they all applauded, curtsying and blowing sarcastic kisses. If anyone knew more cat puns than they ever wanted to, it was her. Chat Noir certainly kept them coming.

“Alright, I guess you can come.” Eliott draped an arm over her shoulder as they walked.

“You guys are insufferable,” Marinette said.

“You love us though.” Adrien wrapped an arm around her waist on the other side, and her cheeks warmed.

Across the lobby, Lisette was chatting with other stagehands, and Eliott stiffened. He might be good at flirting, but when it came to Lisette, he always clammed up. It didn’t help that she was shier than Marinette either.

“Go invite her.” Marinette urged, elbowing his side.

“What? Who? I wasn’t- you’re…”

“Hey, Lisette!” Marinette called, breaking out of his grip and beelining for her.

“Marinette!” Eliott chased after her.

Lisette tilted her head to one side. “Hey, you’re…”

“Marinette.” She held out a hand. “Eliott’s friend.”

“Yeah, you were at our dress rehearsal last night.” Lisette nodded, cheeks flushing when Eliott latched onto Marinette. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s up.” Eliott clamped a hand over Marinette’s mouth, and she gave him a prompting look. “Um, just I’m having a party on my yacht if you wanna come. Just a few friends and family, super casual. Margot won’t be there.”

Lisette clutched the hem of her shirt and bit her lip. “Sounds fun.” She rocked back on her heels. “Let me go home and change, then I’ll come over.”

“Okay, great!” Eliott said a little too loudly. “I’ll- We’ll see you there.”

“Great.”

“Cool.” He turned abruptly, dragging Marinette away by the wrist. “Okay, I deserved that revenge.”

“She likes you!” Marinette said.

Eliott couldn’t hide his smile. “Shut up.”

“She’s coming to your party.”

“Yeah, I got that. Thanks.” He let a breath pass his lips. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never liked someone before, and I’m scared that everything could go wrong.”

“Talk to her tonight. Let her get to know you, and I’m sure she’ll like you no matter what,” Marinette urged. “Have confidence.”

Eliott searched her expression, pursing his lips. “Okay.”

The rest of the group was waiting in the limo, and Marinette crawled in beside Adrien. Macy was prattling on about the play, particularly the big kiss at the end, teasing Eliott for having to kiss Margot.

“Do you think her snobbishness can infect you like getting bit by a zombie?” She poked his cheek.

“Shut up, we’ve rehearsed that kiss a 100 times over the past few weeks, and I’m fine.” He swatted her hand away.

“You really are a good actor if you can pretend to be in love with Margot for an hour and a half,” Macy said. She fanned her cheeks. “Even still, that kiss was so romantic! I would love to have seen the real thing on heroes day.”

“Oh, come on. That kiss so didn’t happen in real life. The playwright just added it in for dramatic effect,” Marinette said.

“How do you know?” Adrien quirked a brow.

“I- just Ladybug is always saying in interviews that they’re not a couple, so of course they didn’t kiss.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Oh, that’s just a cover story. They are totally in love. Chat Noir is head-over-heels for Ladybug, and she just hides her feelings so Hawkmoth can’t use it against them,” Macy said, not bothering to mask the ‘duh’ in her voice.

Marinette rolled her eyes. If only they knew.

When they arrived at Eliott’s yacht, her friends continued their chatter, and a small smile curled on Marinette’s lips. She really was lucky to have them, even if they all believed Ladybug was in love with Chat Noir—she’d convince them eventually. After everything that happened with Lila, Marinette was spiraling, feeling unappreciated, abandoned, and angry. Martin and Eliott said she helped them, but truthfully, their friendship saved her first. They showed her that real friends did exist, and that they don’t abandon one another.

Finally, her gaze rested on Adrien, the one thing she still had left from her old school. He’d grown quiet after their conversation. He flashed smiles and laughed when appropriate, but something hid behind those green eyes, an intensity Marinette had never seen from him before. After a while, he disappeared from the party, and Marinette wondered if he’d gone home until she found him on the upper deck looking out over the Seine.

“I’ve always thought the Seine was prettier at night,” he remarked as she approached. “The reflection of the lights on the water calms me down.”

“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet ever since the limo ride,” Marinette said. She leaned against the railing next to him. His eyes were fixed ahead, barring her from the emotions brewing inside. Another gray wall with a locked door between them.

Finally, he flicked his gaze over to her, searching her face as if she were a puzzle that needed solving. He looked at her like that a lot nowadays. Several times when they spent time together, she’d catch him staring. A month ago, she would have done anything to get Adrien to look at her, but now as they stood only centimeters apart, eyes locked, she didn’t know what to say. Her heart fluttered.

The last time they hung out, Adrien almost kissed her—a fact that haunted her every day since. What did it mean? Was Adrien in love with her? Was he going to kiss her now? Oh god, she shouldn’t have eaten the Camembert from that cheese platter.

His eyes bore into her so intensely, she thought she was going to pass out, but instead of kissing her, he bit his lip and asked, “How are you holding up with everything?”

Blinking in surprise, she breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m doing better now,” she said. “Some days are still rough, but I’m grateful for my friends. They’ve really helped me overcome everything.”

“I know you’ve been through a lot lately. I’m just glad you and I are still friends,” Adrien said softly. “You’re someone I don’t ever want to lose.”

Her cheeks warmed as he tucked a loose strand of hair into place. Taking a leap, she took a step toward him, curling her arms around his waist. He held her close, resting his head against hers.

“I’m really glad I still have you,” she whispered.

“You’ll always have me. I’ll always be watching out for you,” he said in her ear. “Always. I promise.”

♪♫♪ Careful ♪♫♪

“Hey, bestie.” Lila smiled as Alya approached their usual table at their favorite café. Her face fell when Alya flashed her a pensive frown. “Why the long face?”

“I talked to Ladybug yesterday,” she said. “She totally blew me off. I thought you said you were going to get me a private interview.”

“Oh no, I am so sorry, Alya!” Lila’s face fell into her hands. “I should have warned you, but I just don’t know what happened. I tried texting the private number Ladybug gave me, but she totally ghosted me. I don’t know what’s going on with her lately. She hasn’t been replying to me at all.”

How convenient.

Alya crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m having trouble believing you.”

“I’m not lying to you, Alya! Ladybug has been pulling away from me lately, and I don’t know why.” Lila’s lips curled into the perfect pout. “I find it really hurtful that you don’t trust me. I thought we were friends, but you’re starting to sound like Marinette.”

“We are, I just… I don’t know what to think anymore. I-” Alya averted her gaze with a sigh. “I need some time to clear my head, okay?”

“Of course. I know you have trust issues after what Marinette did to you, so I completely understand,” Lila said. “But please, don’t call me a liar like she used to. If you leave me, then everyone else will too.”

Alya chewed her cheek, searching Lila’s expression. Her eyes seemed so genuine that Alya almost apologized on the spot, but she knew that not everything in life was as it seemed. Be a journalist. Investigate.

“I gotta go,” she said. “My sisters want to see a movie this afternoon, and my parents are at work.”

“I’ll go with you,” Lila offered, but Alya held up a hand to stop her.

“That’s alright. I can handle it,” she said. “Thanks, though.”

Lila sank back into her chair with a pout. As Alya turned to leave, Lila’s face shriveled into a glare that sent a chill down her spine, but she kept walking. Maybe she imagined it. Her mind played all kinds of tricks on her lately. She only hoped the truth would reveal itself soon and free her from all of this doubt.  

♪♫♪ happiness ♪♫♪

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ladybug sat on the edge of a roof, staring out over the city. She heard Chat Noir touch down behind her, but she didn’t turn around as he approached. Her head was drained, empty, lifeless as she stared ahead.

He didn’t question as he sat beside her. They knew each other well enough by now that she didn’t need to explain when she was upset. He just knew. The silence stretched on, but Chat Noir waited patiently while she gathered her thoughts.

“I knew it would happen,” she said finally. “I knew she would wonder.”

“Alya?”

Ladybug nodded. “I never told you, but she was Rena Rouge.”

Chat Noir’s mask raised, and Ladybug lowered her gaze to her lap.

“She must hate me now,” she murmured, lip quivering.

“You did replace her without an explanation,” he said pointedly.

“I had my reasons.” She swung her legs over the edge. “I need people that I trust by my side.”

“I wasn’t questioning your decision,” he said. “You know I trust you 100% no matter what.”

“I guess it’s not that I don’t trust her.” Ladybug sighed, chewing her lip. “I mean, I don’t doubt that she would still work with us, but she’s hanging out with Lila, and after everything…I can’t work with her.”

“I understand.” When Ladybug gave him a disbelieving look, he brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckle. “Really. I do, Bug.”

“I know it sounds selfish, but I can’t put my feelings aside,” she said. “I know we have a duty to protect the city, but if I can do that with someone else, then why go through the trouble?”

“No one’s asking you to.” When her face fell, Chat Noir reached out to cup her cheek. “Bug, you did the right thing. No one is doubting you. We need people we can work with and count on, and if Rena Rouge isn’t it, then it’s time for Malin to step in.”

She leaned against his shoulder, watching cars crawl up and down the street with sad eyes—a city full of people counting on her. They seemed so small from up here.

“It’s hard sometimes,” she said. “Having the whole city looking at you to fix all of their problems… The weight of the world gets so heavy.”

“Don’t worry about stepping on toes. We have to do what we can to save everyone, and we can’t do that if we’re working with people we can’t trust,” Chat Noir said. “It’s not selfish. It’s our job.”

Ladybug smiled, Chat Noir’s familiar warmth flooding her chest. Chat Noir could be sweet when he wanted. He could give Adrien a run for his money if he acted like this all the time. Nah, that was a stretch, but she’d always love Chat in her own way.

Ladybug stretched up to kiss his cheek. “Thanks, kitty.”

“You’re welcome.” He smirked, then added, “I just hope you’re not thinking of replacing me.”

“Of course not,” she giggled. “I know I can always count on you.”

“Good. Then we’re on the same page.” He leaned his head against hers, and they sat for several minutes, watching the city lights twinkle on the skyline.

She spent a lot of time leaning on blond boys lately, but in her defense, she had two of the best. Chat Noir trusted her even when she didn’t trust herself. Sure, he was goofy, full-of-himself, and his puns were terrible, but… Somedays she needed someone like that. Someone to make her laugh and roll her eyes. He was her best friend, and she hoped that even after they defeated Hawkmoth that they would always stay this close.

“Until next time, m’lady.” He bowed theatrically when they stood to leave. “I’m always here for you if you need me.”

“I know.” She pulled him in for a tight hug. “Thank you for being someone I can lean on. It means the world to me.”

“Of course, m’lady.”

Ladybug swooped down to the street, ducking behind an ad stand and letting her transformation drop. Clara’s presentation was in a week, and she was going to pull an all-nighter. Coffee was a must. She was getting close to finalizing a few of her designs, and now that she’d gotten everything off her chest about Alya, her mind was a lot clearer.

Rounding the corner, she crossed the street to a quaint little café before a waterfall of silky, red hair wiping a table in a dingy green apron caught her eye. Was that…

“Gabrielle?”

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Ateez: Going On We Got Married

Kim Hongjoong:

Anxious was the word to describe Hongjoong when he was about to meet his 'wife'. He kept looking over at the camera man, waiting for the signal that would allow him to open the door to the room where you were already waiting in, another camera crew capturing your reaction as well.

"I can go in now?"

Getting the ok, Hongjoong took a deep breath and opened the door. He peeked his head in and burst into a nervous giggle when he saw you. You in turn, covered your face to hide your blushing cheeks. The situation was just so funny and new to both of you rookie idols that you couldn't help but be shy.

"I guess I'll introduce myself. Hi, I'm Ateez's leader, Kim Hongjoong." He bowed to you.

"Hi, I'm [insert group name and position], L/N Y/N." You responded awkwardly.

The staff couldn't help but chuckle and 'aww' at your cute interactions.

"We're already like a newlywed couple. Can't even look at each other in the eyes." You pointed out.

"I'm sorry, it's just....... it makes me more nervous knowing I got such a pretty wife." Hongjoong confessed.

His comment made you cover your face once again.

"Oh thank you. You're very handsome as well." You complimented him, and Hongjoong swore his heart stopped for a minute.

"Can we get you two to pose together for a few pictures for the fans and viewers?" The director asked.

It was awkward at first, trying to figure out how to position yourselves.

"Is it ok if I touch you?" Hongjoong wanted permission before laying any finger on you.

You nodded and he instantly wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. Both of you could feel your hearts pounding against your chests, you wondered if the other could hear it. But the awkwardness was soon gone and you both got very comfortable with each other, capturing some very cute and adorable photos that the viewers were going to eat up. In no time, were you guys about to become the most popular couple, both on and outside the show.

Park Seonghwa:

It had been a month into your 'married' life and it was time for a new challenge chosen specifically by your fans. Seonghwa and you entered into the location given to you and were confused when you guys saw it was a daycare center. You both looked at the director for an explanation.

"The challenge fans wanted to see you do was the daycare challenge. For the day, you'll transform into caregivers and take care of the kids here."

Both you and Seonghwa looked dumbfounded.

"What is this?" You laughed slightly at the situation your fans decided to put you in.

"Ahh really Atiny?" Seonghwa shook his head.

Soon you both changed into the proper attire and after going through a quick tutorial with the women in charge, you guys proceeded to go meet the kids. It actually proved to not be so hard and both of you were having fun with them. It surprised both of you to see you were actually good with kids.

"I had so much fun." You told Seonghwa when you went back to your 'home.'

"You were so good with the kids. They really loved you." Seonghwa said as he picked at his plate of food.

"You were not bad yourself. Remember the baby that wouldn't stop crying until you held him? I bet Atinys will love it." You smiled at the memory.

Seonghwa blushed and was hesitant to ask, but he really wanted to know.

"Do you think you'd ever want kids?"

You instantly lit up at the question.

"Of course I do! I'd love to have a family of my own one day."

Seonghwa wasn't surprised, he knew you were the mom in your group, just like him. It was something you two bonded over when you first met. You looked up from your food to see him staring intently at you.

"What?" You asked.

He only smirked before saying "I bet we'd make really cute babies" and winking at you.

You almost choked on your food, causing Seonghwa to laugh at your flustered state. You blushed intensely and threw a towel at him.

"Yah Park Seonghwa!" You nagged at him.

Jeong Yunho:

Yunho and you looked at the place you were staying at during the duration of your 'marriage'. It is definitely cute and had a lot of room. You two looked around the place like little kids, excitedly pointing out so many things. It was when you both looked at your bedroom that reality hit: you were going to be sleeping with a total stranger cause room only had 1 bed.

Yunho looked over at you and could sense how tense you got. Quickly, he nudged you with his elbow.

"If you want, I'll do something to really annoy you and we get in a fight." He suggested

"Why would we do that?" You asked, completely baffled by his suggestion.

"So you can send me to sleep on the couch and you sleep here. You know, like an actual married couple." He actually held two thumbs up and had a goofy smile on his face.

You burst out laughing at him. He never failed to make you laugh.

"No, I'd feel bad. Besides, your long limbs wouldn't fit in the couch."

Soon nighttime came and both of you were getting ready to go to bed. Yunho was currently in the king sized bed, playing around on his phone when you came out of the bathroom, face clean and makeup free. Yunho dropped his phone and just stared in awe.

"Stop looking at me like that! I'm already self conscious about being bare faced in the camera." You exclaimed.

Yunho only smiled lovingly at you. "Trust me, you have nothing to be self conscious about. You're absolutely beautiful."

You blushed but quickly got over it and got into bed with him.

"You better not kick me in your sleep." You warned him.

"I won't. I'll just do this."

With no warning, Yunho tangled his long arms and legs around you, encapsulating you into a giant embrace.

"No! Stop! I don't like it!" You shouted half heartedly.

"Don't lie, you know you love it. And if you don't, get used to it. You're stuck with me for a long time.... wifey." He teased you.

Kang Yeosang:

"Eek! I'm going to fall!"

You squealed as you tried to balance yourself on Yeosang's skateboard. It was the challenge set for you: you two had to share with each other your favorite hobbies and experience them together. The day before, you already had Yeosang try out [insert hobby here] and you two had lots of fun.

Now it was his turn and he was already excited about showing you his skateboarding skills, but nothing made him happier than teaching you a few things.

"No no no. It's ok. I got you ok?"

Yeosang carefully held your hands, slowly pulling you forward as you kept both feet on the board, trying not to think about losing your balance.

"What if I fall and mess up my face? I'll lose my source of income!"

Yeosang chuckled. It was one of the things he loved about you: your sense of humor even when you were scared to death.

"Don't worry. I won't let you fall, I'll catch you."

You and Yeosang shared a heartfelt smile and continued on with him pulling you. Everything was going great, until a dog suddenly rushed past both of you, making you lose your balance and almost toppling to the ground. Luckily, true to his word, Yeosang stopped you from getting hurt, locking you in a tight embrace. You both stood still for a moment, getting over the shock of what could have happened.

"Are you ok?" Yeosang asked, looking you up and down to make sure nothing was damaged.

"Yeah.... I'm fine. Thank you."

Neither of you let go for a while, you just stared into each other's eyes, simultaneously leaning on closer and closer before one of the staff following you two accidentally sneezed, making you two remember where you were.

"Are you going to add special effects and a drama ost in the background when this airs?" You asked so casually causing the entire staff to burst out laughing.

"Please play either the Goblin soundtrack or Boys Over Flowers, make it more sentimental." Yeosang added.

He picked up his skateboard.

"I think we've had enough for today."

"Yeah. I don't want to have my life threatened once again." You agreed.

"I told you I'd catch you didn't I? And I did. But now you need to catch something..." Yeosang paused and looked at you.

"What?" You tilted your head.

He hesitated before reaching into his sweater and then pulling out a finger heart.

"My heart!" He exclaimed in a cute voice.

Choi San:

From the start, you two were viewer's favorite couple. Your interactions were just so cute and adorable they couldn't help but eat them up. San was especially happy when he found out you were to be his 'wife', he already admired you since you debuted, but with this new experience, he knew for sure he had fallen for you.

It was more than a month into your marriage and you two had yet to share your first kiss. Everyone else already had theirs but you two. It just seemed you two never had the perfect opportunity to do it. But San was determined to make the moment, not for the fans or viewers but for himself. That's how you two ended up on a late night picnic date.

"Oh my God San!" You almost cried at how beautiful the scene was.

There were lights decorating the nearby trees, flower arrangements at every corner and fake candles around the blanket for your picnic.

"I hope I like it." He said shyly.

"I love it! Oh my God! It's beautiful." You couldn't help but hug him tightly.

You spent most of the date eating the delicious food he prepared and overall talking, with music playing from his phone. When a certain slow song came up, he stood up and held his hand out to you.

"May I have this dance?"

Of course you couldn't refuse him. Not when he smiled at you with his pure and sweet smile. You stood up and allowed him to wrap his arms around your waist, you in turn put them on his shoulders. You two just swayed to the music. You could hardly look at him in the face, you were still too shy around him.

San, however, took his chance and proceeded to dip you like in the movies, catching you by surprise. You looked at him and saw something different in his eyes.

"Can I...?" He asked you.

You smiled and nodded, knowing full well what he wanted. San leaned down and softly pressed his lips against yours. You returned the kiss, your hands going to to the back of his head. Even when he lifted you back up, San never broke the kiss, he simply deepened it and pulled you closer like his life depended on it. He completely forgot about the cameras and didn't care at that moment.

When he finally pulled back, he scanned your face to see your reaction. You were blushing and smiling widely at him.

"Was it ok?" He asked.

"It was perfect. You're perfect." You assured him, pecking his lips once more before laying your head on his chest.

San released a breath he didn't know he was holding. He felt truly happy having you in his arms. He simply grinned like a fool in love.

Song Mingi:

"Everyone, today as you can see, my lovely wife and I are going to cook breakfast together. As you all know, I'm actually an expert in pancakes."

You only rolled your eyes at Mingi's comments towards the camera, knowing full well he can't boil water to save his life. You were so focused on mixing the batter, you didn't notice he took one of the cameras and started coming closer to you with it.

"Here we see our pretty Y/N barefaced. She looks even more beautiful than she usually does today."

You looked over to see a camera all over your face, flustering you.

"Stop." You told him, trying to hide your face.

"I'm only trying to share your beauty to the world! Let me finish!" He protested, trying to film more of your face.

You responded by holding up a wooden spoon and threatening to swat him with it, making him quickly run away.

"This should count as domestic abuse!" He exclaimed.

You had Mingi watched the pancakes while you tried to set up the table. You took your time trying to make everything look as pretty as possible when a high pitched scream made you run back into the kitchen.

"What did you do?!" You shouted as you took in the smoke emanating from the pan.

"I swear I didn't do anything!" Mingi shouted.

"Yeah I can see that!"

You proceeded to put out the smoke that was now causing the smoke detector to go off. You thanked god none of the staffs were there with you at the moment cause they would have been losing their minds.

Once you got the situation under control, you looked at the completely burnt pancakes, your hard work gone to waste. You blinked slowly, trying to process what happened.

"I'm sorry Y/N....I really didn't mean- Oh god. You're mad aren't you?"

You looked over at poor Mingi, who looked so guilty and afraid of your reaction. You couldn't find it in yourself to stay mad at him.

"It's ok. I'm glad no one got hurt."

Mingi was taken aback when you hugged him, laughing softly at the situation. He started laughing with you.

"Does that mean you'll allow me to help you again?" He asked with hope in his eyes.

"Not a chance."

Jung Wooyoung:

It was finally the part of the show where you two had to meet your parents. Wooyoung and you were very much nervous even if it was just for fun and entertainment. You all met up at a restaurant and introduced everyone. It was difficult at first, your families trying to get used to being filmed and you two trying to make sure everyone was comfortable. But soon both your parents were having a good time poking fun at your expense.

"Honestly mom, what was your reaction when you found out who I was marrying?" Wooyoung had a smile plastered on his face.

"Truthfully.....I'm still not sure how she puts up with you and your loud mouth." His mom spoke honestly, causing everyone to erupt in laughter.

Wooyoung simply poked his cheek with his tongue, not very amused by the comment.

"If you ask me, I thought he'd get annoyed with Y/N." Your dad piped in.

"Why me?! What did I do?!" You exclaimed at your father's comment.

"You hardly talk and when you do, you tend to nag like an old lady."

Now it was Wooyoung's turn to laugh at you, and you simply glared at him.

"I do not!" You protested.

"Yes you do!" Wooyoung said.

The conversation soon took a better turn.

"In all seriousness sir, what kind of guy would you prefer your daughter to marry?" Wooyoung couldn't help his curiosity.

"Well I...."

All of you looked forward to his answer.

He turned to look at Wooyoung and patted his back.

"I actually like you for her very much."

Everyone was surprised by that, even Wooyoung himself.

"Right? I feel like they have such good chemistry together. I'd want Y/N as my actual daughter in law."

You blushed when his mother added her opinion.

"Would you guys consider dating for real?"

You and Wooyoung looked at each other. Sure things started off rocky with you, but over time you learned to put up with each other and found out you actually complimented each other. Wooyoung's extroverted personality helped you become less shy and not worry too much about things, whereas your calm nature helped Wooyoung to have more patience and self control. You actually couldn't imagine what it'd be like without each other in your lives anymore.

"Well I mean.....our parents approve, our fans ship it and we definitely are cute together....what do you say?" Wooyoung winked at you.

Choi Jongho:

It was the final filming of the show. Jongho and you were supposed to sit down and look back at all the fan favorite moments you had together and also answer a few questions they left for you.

"Is there any clip you hope made it into the top 5 moments?" The director asked.

"For me it's when I serenaded Y/N on our first date." Jongho answered.

You smiled at the memory. "That was cute."

"Were you surprised by my beautiful voice?" He asked you.

"I was more surprised by the fact you split my apple in half." You responded.

"I see how it is. You only like me for my strength, not my talent." He fake pouted, causing you to laugh.

You guys had your eyes fixed on the screen, watching the clip of when you first met and the reactions you had backstage without the other knowing, now watching what each of you really thought.

"Wow! You seriously thought I was going to be a boring stick in the mud!" Jongho was offended when he saw your interview when you said you thought your marriage would be boring.

"I'm sorry! You came in all intimidating onto the set! I was scared of you!" You explained why you thought that way then.

"You were scared?! You were wearing all black when I saw you! I thought you were planning to hex me or something with your creepy aura!" Jongho exclaimed.

"My stylist picked that outfit!" You said.

"Is her stylist here? I want a word with them."

The rest of the filming spent in laughs and reminiscing about the past weeks between you two and eventually the cameras stopped rolling and it was officially over............

It was over on the show, but not for you two.

"I'll pick you up after we're done with recording ok? I love you Y/N." Jongho smiled and pressed a kiss to your lips.

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

[beatlesandbolsheviks]

Okay, sorry for Murdoch-posting, but I just finished whatever number the latest season on Acorn is. What is up with that plot twist at the end about Murdoch’s secret son?

1. If this leads to more Murdoch/Dr. Ogden relationship drama, I will flip my lid. I will riot. Every time I have quit watching this show, it’s been because of their problems eclipsing everything else. (Fortunately/unfortunately, I always come back.) Let them be happy, and let me go back to watching ridiculous cases and improbable inventions. The show’s called Murdoch Mysteries, not Murdoch’s Love Life!

2. Secret relatives are almost never a good plot twist. This isn’t ‘secret evil sister whom you’ve been brainwashed to forget hypnotizes you into believing your murdered best friend was a dog’ level bad, but really, what is? And this episode already had a secret evil twin reveal, albeit one that had been teased for a while. 

3. They did this exact, I emphasize, this exact plot with Brackenreid a couple of seasons ago. That is too many secret children. You can’t just lampshade it by having Margaret Brackenreid talk about it to Dr. Ogden. I feel like the cast is a live studio audience and Oprah is giving out children instead of cars. What’s next? Crabtree’s secret child with the animal rights activist from the first episode? Dr. Ogden’s secret child with an alien? Detective Watts’ secret child, which is really his robot clone? Ok, I’d watch that.

4. It seems kinds OOC for Murdoch to get it on unprotected. I’m letting this one slide, however, because I can’t remember if the show implied it happened at the time or not. Apparently it’s been nine years since those episodes? Am I really that old? 

All that said, I’m not that mad about it. On a scale of ridiculous things that have happened on Murdoch Mysteries, this is maybe a 7. But Terrence Meyers going to space and escaping a murder room with Nikola Tesla were fun-ridiculous, whereas this is just ridiculous-ridiculous. Alas! I need to accept the soap opera elements, even if I’d prefer to pretend it’s a silly police procedural with occasional detours into insanity. 

Overall, this season did not seem particularly cohesive, either tonally or with what the characters were doing. I appreciate that they’re trying to cover serious social issues, but that doesn’t always mesh well with the overblown character beats and wink-nudge jokes about the future. To be clear, I’m not criticizing the show for not whitewashing the bigotry of the past. Nor am I saying the show needs to be 100% lighthearted. There’s room for both storylines about police corruption and about the Newsomes starting their own country. Heck, nobody has ever accused the writers of being subtle or nuanced, but this show itself has struck that balance much better in the past. But this season made the serious stuff feel rushed and the silly stuff feel jarring. 

I think this was caused in part by my second point: the character storylines were all over the place. I’m wondering if covid caused some filming difficulties. To recap, we ended the season with Dr. Hart poisoning her rich husband, Crabtree’s almost-fiancée being kidnapped by his evil twin stalkers, Watts’ lover’s fiancée finding them together but deciding to marry him anyway, and Murdoch leaving Toronto in search of his son and his possibly-not-dead mother. These stories have absolutely nothing to do with one another! I don’t see how they can possibly wrap them up into an emotionally satisfying conclusion, either for the characters or the viewer. I don’t need every plot thread to be tied up neatly in a single bow, but it would be nice if the problems had weight for more than one or two individual characters. It felt like catching glimpses of four or five separate stories, none of which could be properly expanded upon in eleven 45 minute episodes. I want to see the characters facing off against something together. 

I did like the bit when they all came together to save Brackenreid from leaving, a specter that has struck fear into my heart ever since he was off galivanting around with James Pendrick for a few episodes. Weirdly enough, I think that’s the one thing that could get me to quit watching this show for good. No matter how much Murdoch flutters his eyelashes, if Brackenreid goes, I walk. 

[dustedmagazine]

Music for Films, Vol. II: Chick Habit

For good and for ill, Quentin Tarantino’s movies have been strongly associated with postmodern pop culture — particularly by folks whose reactions to the word “postmodern” tend toward pursed lips and school-marmishly wagged fingers. There for a while, reading David Denby on Tarantino was similar to reading Michiko Kakutani on Thomas Pynchon: almost always the same review, the same complaints about characters lacking “psychological depth,” the same handwringing over an ostensible moral insipidness. Truth be told, Tarantino’s pranksome delight with flashy surfaces and stylistic flourishes that are ends in themselves gives tentative credence to some of the caviling. Critics have raised related concerns over the superficiality of Tarantino’s tendency toward stunt casting, especially his resurrections of aging actors relegated to the film industry’s commercial margins: John Travolta, Pam Grier, Robert Forster, David Carradine, Darryl Hannah, Don Johnson and so on. There might be a measure of cynicism in the accompanying cinematic nudging and winking, but it’s also the case that a number of the performances have been terrific.

The writer-director brings a similar sensibility to his sound-tracking choices, demonstrating the cooler-than-thou, deep-catalog knowledge of an obsessive crate-digger. Tarantino thematized that knowledge in his break-through feature, Reservoir Dogs (1992). Throughout the film, the characters tune in to Steven Wright deadpanning as the deejay of “K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies”; like the characters, the viewer transforms into a listener, treated to such fare as the George Baker Selection’s “Little Green Bag” (1970) and Harry Nilsson’s “Coconut” (1971). As with the above-mentioned actors, Tarantino has sifted pop culture’s castoffs and detritus, unearthing songs and delivering experiences of renewed value — and thereby proving the keenness of his instincts and aesthetic wit. “Listen to (or look at) this!” he seems to say, with his cockeyed, faux-incredulous grin. “Can you believe you were just going to throw this out?” And mostly, it works. If the Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a Feeling” (1974) has become a sort of semi-ironized accompaniment to hipsterish good times, that resonance has a lot more to do with Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel and Co. cruising L.A. in a hulking American sedan than with the Disney Co.’s Guardians of the Galaxy (2014).

In Death Proof (2007), Tarantino’s seventh film and unaccountably his least favorite, soundtrack and screen are both full to bursting with the flotsam and jetsam of “entertainment” conceived as an industry. 

In just the opening minutes, we see outmoded moviehouse announcements, complete with cigarette-burn cue dots; big posters of Brigitte Bardot from Les Bijoutiers du claire de lune (1958) and of Ralph Nelson’s Soldier Blue (1970) bedecking the apartment of Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier); the tee shirt worn by Shanna (Jordan Ladd), which bears the image of Tura Satana; and strutting under all of it are the brassy cadences of Jack Nitzsche’s “The Last Race,” taken from his soundtrack for the teensploitation flick Village of the Giants (1965). Bibs and bobs, bits and pieces of low- and middle-brow cinema are cut up and reconstructed into a fulsome swirl of signs. And there’s an unpleasant edge to it; the cuts are echoed by the action of the camera, which has been busily cleaving the bodies of the women on screen into fragments and parts. First the feet of Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito), propped up on a dashboard; then Julia, all ass and gams; then Arlene’s lower half again, chopped into slices by the stairs she dashes up (“I gotta take the world’s biggest fucking piss!”) and by the close-up that settles on her belly and pelvis, her hand shoved awkwardly into her crotch. 

As often happens in Tarantino’s movies, furiously busy meta-discursive play collapses the images’ problematic content under multiple levels of reference and pastiche. The film is one half of Grindhouse (2007), Tarantino’s collaboration with his buddy Robert Rodriguez, an old-fashioned double-feature comprising the men’s love letters to the exploitation cinema of the 1960s and 1970s. In those thousands of movies — mondo, beach-cutie, nudie-cutie, women in prison, early slasher, rape-revenge, biker gang, chop-socky, Spaghetti Western and muscle-car-worship flicks (and we could add more subgenres to the list) — symbolic violence inflicted on women’s bodies was de rigueur, and frequently the principal draw. Tarantino shot Death Proof himself, so he is (more than usually) directly responsible for all the framing and focusing — and he’s far too canny a filmmaker not to know precisely what he’s doing with and to those bodies. The excessive, camera-mediated gashing and trimming is a knowing, perhaps deprecating nod to all that previous, gratuitous T&A. His sound-tracking choice of “The Last Race” metaphorically underscores the point: in Bert I. Gordon’s Village of the Giants, bikini-clad teens find and consume an experimental growth serum, which causes them to expand to massive proportions. Really big boobs, actual acres of ass. Get it?

Of course, all the implied japing and judging is deeply embedded in the film’s matrix of esoteric references and fleeting allusions. You’d have to be very well versed in the history of exploitation cinema to pick up on the indirect homage to Gordon’s goofy movie. But as in Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino doesn’t just gesture, he dramatizes, folding an authoritative geekdom into the action of Death Proof. In the set-up to Death Proof’s notorious car crash scene, Julia is on the phone, instructing one of her fellow deejays to play “Hold Tight!” (1966) by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. Don’t recognize the names? “For your information,” Julia snorts, Pete Townsend briefly considered abandoning the Who, and he thought about joining the now-obscure beat band, to make it “Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich & Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.”

It’s among the most gruesomely violent sequences in Tarantino’s films (which do not run short on graphic bloodshed), and Julia receives its most spectacular punishment. Those legs and that rump, upon which the camera has lavished so much attention, are torn apart. Her right leg flips, flies and slaps the pavement, a hunk of suddenly flaccid meat. Again, Tarantino proves himself an adept arranger of image, sign and significance. Want to accuse him of fetishizing Julia’s legs? He’ll materialize the move, reducing the limb to a manipulable fragment, and he’ll invest the moment with all of the intrinsic violence of the fetish. He’ll even do you one better — he’ll make that violence visible. Want to watch? You better buckle up and hold tight. 

Hold on a second. “Hold Tight”? The soundtrack has passed over from intertextual in-joke to cruel punchline. It doesn’t help that the song is so much fun, and that it’s fun watching the girls groove along to it, just before Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) obliterates them, again and again and again. The awful insistence of the repetition is another set-up, establishing the film’s narrative logic: the repeated pattern and libidinal charge-and-release of Stuntman Mike’s vehicular predations. It is, indeed, “a sex thing,” as Sheriff Earl McGraw (Michael Parks) informs us in his cartoonish, redneck lawman’s drawl. Soon the sexually charged repetitions pile up: see Abernathy’s (Rosario Dawson) feet hanging out of Kim’s (Tracie Thom) 1972 Mustang, in a visual echo of Arlene’s, and of Julia’s. Then listen to Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) belt out some of Smith’s cover of “Baby It’s You” (1969), which we most recently heard 44 minutes before, as Julia danced ecstatically by the Texas Chili Bar’s jukebox. Then watch Abernathy as she sees Stuntman Mike’s tricked-out ’71 Nova, a vibrating hunk of metallic machismo — just like Arlene saw it, idling menacingly back in Austin, with another snatch of “Baby It’s You” wisping through that moment’s portent. 

For a certain kind of viewer, the Nova’s low-slung, growling charms are hard to resist, as is the sleazy snarl of Willy DeVille’s “It’s So Easy” (1980; and we might note that Jack Nitzsche produced a couple of Mink DeVille’s early records, connecting another couple strands in the web) on the Nova’s car stereo. Those prospective pleasures raise the question of just who the film is for. That may seem obvious: the same folks — dudes, mostly — who find pleasure in exploitation movies like Vanishing Point (1971), Satan’s Sadists (1969) or The Big Doll House (1971). But there are a few other things to account for, like how Death Proof repeatedly passes the Bechdel Test, and how long those scenes of conversation among women go on, and on. Most notable is the eight-minute diner scene, a single take featuring Abernathy, Kim, Lee and Zoë (Zoë Bell, doing a cinematic rendition of her fabulous self, an instance of stunt casting that literalizes the “stunt” part). Among other things, the women discuss their careers in film, the merits of gun ownership and Kim and Zoë’s love of (you guessed it) car chase movies like Vanishing Point. One could read that as a liberatory move, a suggestion that cinema of all kinds is open to all comers. All that’s required is a willingness to watch. But watching the diner scene becomes increasing claustrophobic. The camera circles the women’s table incessantly, and on the periphery of the shot, sitting at the diner’s counter, is Stuntman Mike. The circling becomes predatory, the threat seems pervasive. 

If you’ve seen the film, you know how that plays out: Zoë and Kim play “ship’s mast” on a white 1970 Dodge Challenger (the Vanishing Point car); Stuntman Mike shows up and terrorizes them mercilessly; but then Abernathy, Zoë and Kim chase him down and beat the living shit out of him, likely fatally. In another sharply conceived cinematic maneuver, Tarantino executes a climactic sequence that inverts the diner scene: the women surround Stuntman Mike, abject and pleading, and punch and kick him as he bounces from one of them to another. The camera zips from vantage to vantage within the circle, deliriously tracking the action. All the jump cuts intensify the violence, and they provide another contrast to the diner’s scene’s silky, unbroken shot. The sounds and the impact of the blows verge on slapstick, and our identification with the women makes it a giddily gross good time.

So, an inversion seeks to undo repetition. Certainly, Stuntman Mike’s intent to repeat the car-crash-kill-thrill is undone, and predator becomes prey. But, as is inevitable with Tarantino’s cinema, there are complications, other echoes and patterns to suss out. For instance: as the women stride toward the wrecked Nova, while Stuntman Mike pathetically wails, the camera zooms in on their asses. Bad asses? Nice asses? What’s the right nomenclature? To make sure we can put the shot together with Julia’s first appearance in the film, Abernathy has hiked up her skirt, revealing a lot of leg. Repetition reasserts itself. In an exacerbating circumstance, Harvey Weinstein’s grubby fingerprints are smeared onto the film. Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios is credited with production of Grindhouse, but Dimension Films, a Weinstein Brothers company, handled distribution.  

When the film cuts to its end titles, we hear April March’s “Chick Habit” (1995), with its spot-on lyric: “Hang up the chick habit / Hang it up, daddy / Or you’ll never get another fix.” And so on. Even here, where the girl-power vibe feels strongest (cue Abernathy burying a bootheel in Stuntman Mike’s face), there are echoes, patterns. Note how the striding bassline of “Chick Habit” strongly recalls the pulse beating through Nitzsche’s “The Last Race.” Note that March’s song is a cover, of “Laisse tomber les filles,” originally recorded by yé-yé girl France Gall. The song was penned by Serge Gainsbourg, pop provocateur and notorious womanizer. The two collaborated again, releasing “Les Sucettes,” a tune about a teeny-bopper who really likes sucking on lollipops, when Gall was barely 18; the accompanying scandal nearly torpedoed her career. Gall refused to ever sing another song by Gainsbourg, and disavowed her hits.  

Again, that’s all deeply embedded, somewhere in the film’s complicated play of pop irony and double-entendre and the sudden explosions of delight and disgust that intermittently reveal and conceal. Again, you’d have to know your pop history really well to catch up with the complications, and Death Proof moves so fast that there’s always another reference or allusion demanding your attention as the cars growl and the blood spurts. Too many signs to track, too many signals to decipher — that’s the postmodern. But perhaps we have become too glib, assuming that all signs are somehow equivalent. Death Proof insists otherwise. Much has been made of the film’s strange relation to digital filmmaking, of the sort that Rodriguez has made a career out of. Part of Grindhouse’s shtick is its goofball applications of CGI, all the scratches and skips and flaws that the filmmakers lovingly applied. They are digital effects, masquerading as damaged celluloid. Tarantino cut back against that grain, filming as much of the car chase’s maniacal stuntwork in meatspace as he safely could. Purposeful practical filmmaking, for a digitally enhanced cinematic experience, attempting to mimic the ways real film interacts with the physical environment and its manifold histories. Is that clever, or just more cultural clutter?  

Amid all the clutter that crowds the characters onscreen, and their conversations in the film’s field of sound, it can be easy to lose track of the distinctions between appearances and the traces of the real bodies that worked to bring Death Proof to life. Which is why Tarantino’s inclusion of Bell is so crucial. She provides another inversion: Instead of masking her individual presence, doing stunts for other actresses in their clothes and hair (for Lucy Lawless in Xena: Warrior Princess, or for Uma Thurman in Tarantino’s Kill Bill films), Bell is herself, doing what she does best, projecting the technical elements of filmmaking — usually meant to bleed seamlessly into illusion — right onto the surface of the screen. And instead of allowing one group of girls to slip into a repeated pattern, bodies easily exchanged for other bodies, Bell’s presence and its implicit insistence on her particularity (who else can move like she does?) breaks up the superficial logic of cinema’s market for the feminine. She disrupts its chick habit. There’s only one woman like her. 

Jonathan Shaw

[mka1098]

In The Moonlight (You Are My Sun) Day 3

In The Bright Moonlight (You're My Sun)

Hear this story being read aloud to you at https://www.youtube.com/c/MKa1098/videos

Day Three - Tease

“Ladybug! Ladybug! Over here.” Nadia calls. Ladybug flickers her eyes to Chat Noir; they are both panting and tired from the fight. Unlike the past couple, the fight was in broad daylight and she can’t quite tell if it’s more annoying to rush off during the school day or sneak out at night. “Ladybug!” Nadia calls again and she breathes in and walks over with a camera-ready smile. “Ladybug! Tell us about the fight.” Nadia requests.

She smiles kindly at the camera where hundreds upon hundreds of people are watching her eagerly. “Well, it was rather standard.” She explains. Actually, it wasn’t. This akuma was tiring to chase down and seemed to have no worry for the general public. It didn’t seem to have a main goal -- she was just angry at society and it’s entire construct with no real goal in mind -- luckily, she and Chat were able to herd it onto a large football field. It was an anxiety-inducing fight though; anytime those violent-happy akuma’s were created, her heart rates sped up 10 fold. “Our emotions are just so vulnerable: it’s so important to not blame the victims for what happens.” She looks at the camera and hopes that people will empathize. Many of them have also been in her place, so they should understand. Nonetheless, there’s no harm in reiterating it.

“Yes, Hawkmoth will take any chance he can get.” Nadia says thoughtfully. “As easy as a bad hair day can create a wild-hair manic!’ She laughs.

Ladybug nervously laughs along, keeping face. “Yes, it could escalate but it doesn’t have to.” She preaches. “Emotions and therefore negative emotions will always happen. Let’s all stay together and help our friends who are struggling. If your friend or parents or even just classmates are having a bad day: try to help make them feel better! Make them smile; it can really go a long way. Not only are you turning their bad day around, you might also be saving the day while you’re at it.” She laughs and winks at the camera.

“Isn’t she right.” A voice calls beside her. She turns to see Chat with a mischievous and impish grin on his face. “Leave it to Ladybug to save the day even after the fight.” He says proudly.

Ladybug rolls her eyes but smiles at him playfully. “I wouldn’t call it so much as saving the day as it’s preventing further collateral damage.” She laughs.

“Savior.” Chat teases in a sing-song voice. He leans towards her, making a funny expression; she pushes him away with a roll of her eyes. He cackles along with her, even as his face is shumused.

“Hush, Chat.” She says with a smirk.

“Never.” He winks at her.

Nadia clears her throat and Ladybug turns back to her. They are..they are still on live TV. whoops. She totally forgot about the cameras and the news anchor. Her face gets red as her mask and the urge to turn around and zip off is prominent. Unfortunately, fleeing immediately is not an option she has. Everyone that’s watching her for the feeling of safety or admiration would be shell-shocked and possibly angered if she just bolted the way she often did in her civilian life. “So, is there anything else the common person can do to help our city be the safest and best it can be?” Nadia asks.

Ladybug nods. “Aside from looking out for the people we are around and love, you can open yourself up to people you’ve never talked to before -- becuasven just a small conversation can make someone feel like they have someone who cares about them and willinging wants to get to know them -- it’s important to stay calm in times of disagreement. Arguments are bound to happen: they are a fact of life. We can’t control that. What we can do in those situations is take a deep breath and think about how it might feel from the person or people’s point of view. We’re not always right and we need to know that! Breathe and speak calmly until it is resolved; even that can easily eliminate an akuma’s chance of taking over.”

Nadia nods and faces the camera head again. “Thank you, Ladybug. There are many ways to help and be a superhero!” She smiles.

“Yep!” Chat said, leaning onto his staff. “It’s a collaborative effort. Sure, Ladybug’s the face of it all-” He nudges her slightly, making her stumble. Ladybug glares at him and Chat just cheekily smiles back. “-but it’d be nothing with the help of everyone else.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m the face-”

“I would!” He cuts into her sentence.

She snorts. “Of course you would.” She gives him a raised eyebrow. Chat grins back at her in response.

“What? Think I should be the one in front?” He stretches the staff across his shoulders and flashes a grin at the cameras. “Just call me, anywhere, anytime. I’ll put my modeling face on.” He winks to the viewers at home, some of which may have fainted at the act as if he was a notable cleberite. Technically, Chat Noir is one but she’s seen too many of his childish antics to really believe that. It is shocking how smooth he is at charming the cameras and posing for a non-existent photoshoot. She can admit (only to herself in her head though; he has enough of an ego that she doesn’t need to feed) Chat has debonair.

“Yeah, yeah, chin up Chat.” Ladybug teases him, knocking him off balance. “Your 5 o'clock photoshoot is here.” She jokes.

Chat sticks his tongue out at her. “Jokes on you, five is a terrible time for pictures. The lighting will be off!”

“And how did you ever learnthat?” She snorts. Chat Noir gasps dramatically and puts a hand on his chest in mock offense.

“Excuse me, I am much more than a pretty face; although I’m not faulting you for looking there.” He smirks back at her, flickering his eyes to the camera. “I’ve got some obscure knowledge -- test me, I can pass.” He leans at her with a cocky eyebrow raise.

“Mm, you’re really putting on a show.” She says, cocking her head to the side.

“Me? Putting on a show? An act?” He says indeclously. “Never.” He nearly whispers, smiling and showing off his fangs. They gleam in the sunlight.

Suddenly, Chat Noir, all clad in his leather suit, light-reflecting fangs and staff looks a bit like a real bad boy; Ladybug hates it so much because one, it’s not him at all (though it’s entertaining enough and she will allow him some fun) and two, she doesn’t...totally hate the image in the way a teenage girl wouldn't totally hate a new cute guy at school.

“So you say.” Ladybug says, turning away quickly before she starts blushing.

Nadia seems overjoyed by the entire affair and shoves the microphone between them, at a speed which is surprising to her. “You two are very close, correct?’ She asks with a grin. Ladybug looks at her curious and nods. “Would you say…” Oh. Oh, now she knows what’s coming next and honestly, she doesn't like it. “...you’re in a relationship or will be?’ Nadia asks. Her expression looks innocent enough but Ladybug knows better.

“Oh, no.” Ladybug says, covering the awkwardness with laughter. “Not ever.” She confirms. She looks at Chat who only nods softly in agreement. He’s probably uncomfortable with the talk of relationships; it’s only been a few weeks since his break-up with his girlfriend (or boyfriend or theyfriend...she doesn’t judge.) “We’re partners in fighting crime; it’s important for us to work well together and be friends but that doesn’t equate to romantic interest.” She explains.

Nadia nods thoughtfully as if she hasn’t considered the platonically friends angle just yet. “Totally, we can all tell you’re in perfect sync.” She says with a smile. “Although, I’m sure you’re conformabelt enough that a relationship wouldn’t be weird: you already playfully tease and flirt with each other -- it looks pretty natural.” Ladybug smiles a little forcefully. God, not every pair of male and female needs to be together immediately or ever!

“Yes, well we spend a lot of time putting our lives in each other’s hands; we’ve learned to joke around. But-” She says firmly with a slight frown. “-we are just friends and it is still a work relationship to us.” She says. Nadia nods with a smile and turns back to the camera.

“Well, that’s Ladybug and Chat Noir: our heroes!” She says, babbling away as an anchor.

Ladybug sighs and prepares to leave and head home: maybe she’d take a soak to wind down and soothe her aching muscles. Maybe read a book before getting to the grueling homework? Before she can go, she feels a hand on her shoulder and looks back to see Chat smiling at her teasingly.

“So...co-workers?” He says, stifling his laughter.

“Shut up.”

“Come on! You said it? I’m just repeating it to you.”

“Yeah, yeah, go home.”

“You’ll miss me right?”

“...I’m gonna leave.”

“Hey!”Huge thank you to @shaniartist for allow me usage of their art and to @ladynoirjuly for the prompts !

Art credits: Shaniartist on Tumblr, shani_artist on IG

https://youtube.com/channel/UCqDgJF4q5oUKYvAt4qxCViADay