#it's a fine line and we're doing cartwheels on it

[starryarles]

just got done playing games w my brother and a friend:[ i feel like shit for some reason,, i think i just need to sleep it off,, and i have an appointment tomorrow so i'm kind of excited abt that

[edutainer2022]

@katblu42 @astranite It's a snippet of a very raw draft I had sitting in my notes for a while - along these lines of ideas. And it's a longer soliloquy by Gordon, than is maybe strictly in character. But someone needed to tell Scott how it is, so Gordon volunteered. It's supposed to be a companion piece to STAY (Scott did A Stupid Du Jour, so Virgil yelled at him to leave, then broke down, and John is not much happier):

***

- You think we're gonna be okay when you're gone. Deep down, you believe that.

You think Virgil is gonna be upset. Devastated even. But we love him so much, and we'll rally around him, and it'd be alright, eventually. Which is... fine, true - we do love Virgil so, so much, and we WILL rally around him. Except it won't be alright. Ever. You don't GET IT, do you? Virgil will DIE, if you're gone. One day we'll just find him prostrate over your cold body in the infirmary.

[Scott stares, speechless]

- You think John is a Vulcan or something, and he's not gonna feel much feelings or miss you - he has his stars and his comms, and he has Eos, and he's got Alan, right? Wrong! John will check out. He's just gonna be DONE with humanity - I don't think we'll ever get him back. And I don't think it's gonna be pretty. At best he's gonna try to upload your consciousness into Five or something. At worst... you get the idea... Oh, and DON'T get me srarted on Alan. The kid thinks you're his Dad in earnest. We had to re-train him to not call you Dada at three. At twelve he told me he sometimes pretends it's gonna turn out you're really his Dad when he's eighteen and all grown up - so it doesn't hurt so much. So good luck thinking Allie's gonna be fine dealing with your loss!

And you think I won't care much at all. You think I'm so resistant to everything you are, you know, the whole being a pilot, being a neat-freak or being a boring adult thing, and I'm kinda more of Virgil's brother anyway, so I'd bounce right off and be on my merry way. Well, newsflash: I need you too! I'm about doing cartwheels so you'd notice, because you wouldn't let me cut corners and if you're proud that means I've done something really right. And if you're gone... I won't bounce off, okay! I need you too, I need my big brother!

Gordon is shouting by then, hot tears streaming, unreserved. Scott is there in one flash of motion, crushing him into an embrace, but Gordon doesn't hug back, which is, maybe, a first in the entire history of their brotherhood. Gordon doesn't pull away either, hiding his face deeper into big brother's shoulder, just allowing to be held. They stay like this a minute. Two. Till Gordon pulls away at an arm's length and rotates Scott's shoulders towards the exit with a theatrical push.

- Go! Go grovel with Virgil, then go up to Five and apologize to John. I wouldn't put it past him to lock your self-destructive ass out in the cold, though. Then come back and cuddle Alan. Then stop doing... whatever you're doing to yourself.

Scott finds the carpet, the comforter on the bed and the zipper of the open suitcase, suddenly, thoroughly fascinating.

- Virgil wants me gone from the island.

- No he doesn't, you, dingus. - Gordon is back in the game with a John-worthy eye-roll and flapping of hands. - He wants you to STAY and not be killing yourself in stop-motion. We all do. Go! I'll unpack your stuff.

- Is there gonna be glitter in my underwear?

- Nah, I'm too mad at you.

- Hey, Gordon?

- Yeah?

- I need you too.

when the character who's like "i will never reveal my trauma to anyone" gets a high fever and, while weak and delirious, starts spilling every.

last.

secret.

[ssuminshan-official]

A little bit of mischief.

Su she and mo xuanyu: *brushing Yao's tail, while Yao propped his head on the chair's cushioned arm in relaxation.

Mo xuanyu; Yao gege, I'm bored.

But don't worry, I love your cute little floof

Yao: *sighs* same. But I just want to curl up and sleep.

Su she: should I spread flower petals on your bed, and play the guqin for you.

Yao: *smile* how delightful. Maybe later Shanshan

Xue yang: *even I'm bored. My gremlin blood is raising.

Su she: was it ever low

Mo xuanyu: where's Lan lips, Yao gege?  We should go mess with him.

Yao: it's midnight.

So he's fast asleep.

Xue yang: how about we visit uncle Lan?! I want to talk to him about Ruoruo!

Yao: haha, excellent idea.

Xue yang: giving love advice to an old man? Jiggy that's really hard.

Yao: nooo. I'm talking about visiting the cloud recesses, in the middle of the night.

Mo xuanyu: that sounds awesome!!

Su she: I hate the cloud recesses. Maybe I can do something to get back at them.

Mo xuanyu: I'll help xue yang with his love advice thing.

Xue yang: *laughing* just imagine him catching a stroke because you resemble Wei wuxian.

Mo xuanyu: oh gosh.

Yao: you troublemakers!

Su she: Yao Huangdi what are you going to do?

Yao: obviously try on A-Huan's clothes in my foxy form.

Xue yang: hmmmm.

Su she: waw waw, hail the fox emperor.

Yao: *giggles*

Yao: let's go team dimple.

Trio: right behind you, our gorgeous Jiggybun.

Fuying: *enters* Huangdi, I'll be your escort.

Yao: sure. You can come for backup.

.

Cloud recesses 📍.

Yao: we're here.

Su she: this makes me sick.

Xue yang: *runs, holding on to mxy*  let's go to Qiren's room!

Yao: let's go, Fuying.

Fuying: sure Huangdi.

Both: *transformed into foxes!*

(In their fox form, they can tell who's the emperor (yao). The hulijing emperor's fur is more fluffy, neat and vibrant than others)

Yao: Shanshan, you are in trouble, call me or Fuying. He's the imperial guard.

Su she: I'll be fine. Thank you for your care, Huangdi. *blushing*

Su she: I'm gonna tweek the Lan rules.

Yao: heehee, excellent.

~~~

He teleports into the Lan library..

Su she: when these students read the rules, they'll implement them and wreak havoc in the recesses. *adding some extra rules*

Do not greet Lan Wangji. If you must, you should offer him watermelon seeds to him.

Don't stand still. Get up and dance.

Stroke Lan Qiren's beard for goodluck.

Don't question the rules.

Do random cartwheels to boost qi. One can do it in class, or in the presence of a Shizun.

Offer fruits and sweets to the hulijing emperor to boost qi again.

Yea. And don't litter.

You filthy teenagers.

Su she: *laughing* done.

On the other side, Yao was trying on Xichen's clothes. And of course Lan Xichen's clothes were too big for him

Yao: *giggling cutely* how do I look?!

Fuying: very stunning, your majesty.

Yao: do I look like Lan Furen?

Fuying: definitely.

Yao: his robes are so warm! And it smells a lot like him. *reclines on the sofa*

Fuying, can you get some cakes for your huangdi? The kitchen is in the north wing.

Fuying: sure Huangdi. I'll be back with your sweets.

Yao: ok. *yawns*

Furying: Huangdi, shall I massage you afterwards.

Yao: you don't need too. It's just that A-Huan's comfy clothes is making me sleepy.

Fuying: aww. 

Yao: hmm.

I wonder how's my A-Song going.

Fuying: some of your staff had secretly provided little Dianxia with what he needs. Rest assured.

Yao: amazing.

Fuying: yes. Now I'll get your sweets.

~~

In Lan Qiren's room 📍.

Xue yang: do you remember the plan?

Mo xuanyu: yea.

Xue yang: do you remember your lines?

Mo xuanyu: what lines? I'm made for improv.

Xue yang: lol same.

Xue yang: *acting* I know we have to cover it up, bf. But we're left with no choice.

Mo xuanyu: do we really have to take the refuge in an old man's room? The guy's goatie is scary.

Lan qiren: *waking up*

Xue yang: *caresses face* don't worry my love, just don't watch his goatie while we're doing papapa on his bedroom floor.

Mo xuanyu: I'll try, sugarplum!

Xue yang: good sweetheart.

Lan qiren: *startled* SUGARPLUM?! PAPAPA ON MY FLOOR!!!! *screaming*

Mxy and xy: *screaming along with him*

Mo xuanyu: hubby I'm scared!

Xue yang: Lan beard! How dare you scare my bf!

Lan qiren: *holds chest* bf???

Mo xuanyu: yeaa.

Lan qiren: Wei wuxian!! What are you doing in my room! Going to have papapa with the Jianghu's most wanted!!

Lan qiren: how many bfs do you want?! You're turning my sect into a harem!!!

Who's your next victim, Xichen?!

Xue yang: Lan lips is off limits. *pout* but yea. I would make out with him anytime of the week if I want.

Lan qiren: I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to Wei wuxian!!

Mo xuanyu: I'm not Wei wuxian.

But yea, I do look like him. Hehehe.

Lan qiren: shameless just like him!!!!

Mo xuanyu: uwu. I'm shameless. Poor me. Poor silly me, uwu

Hug me, super hot bf.

Xue yang: of course.

Mo xuanyu: can you give me a little kiss?

Xue yang: sure.

Lan qiren: *stops them before they kissed* get out of my room!!!!!

Xue yang: you don't know about true love.

What if I love the Wei ying look alike. His name is Mo xuanyu by the way.

Lan qiren: that hulijing sent you!!! Didn't he?

Xue yang: maybe not.

Mo xuanyu: emperor Yao approved of our wedding and gave us his blessings. Uwu!!

Xue yang: his majesty is maybe sleeping in your nephew's robes right now. Heehee.

Mo xuanyu: with the headband around his ankle.

Lan qiren: oh God. Send me to Nirvana already. I can't with these shameless people.

Xue yang: putting our relationship aside. Let's talk about your relationship.

Lan qiren: xue yang! Get out!!

Xue yang: *sits*

Mo xuanyu: let me just tie you up so that you can stay put.

Lan qiren: Wuxian let go of me!!!

Mo xuanyu: Mo xuanyu!

Lan qiren: Wu xuanyu, mo xuanyu. I don't care!!!

Xue yang: mister qiren, glad meeting with you.

Now tell me. What type of relationship did you and Ruohan have? Was it toxic?

Mo xuanyu: *singing* YOU'RE TOXIC, IM SLIPPING UNDER.

Lan qiren: we had nothing between us!!

Xue yang: lies.

Mo xuanyu: * twirking and singing* I'M ADDICTED TO YOU.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOURE TOXIC!

Lan qiren: can wuxian stick to flute music.

Mo xuanyu: *sobs* I'm NOT Wei wuxian. Old mannnnn.

Wei wuxian is sleeping with Hanguang Jun in the other room.

Xue yang: are you drunk, qiren.

Lan qiren: oh right, that nuisance wei wuxian is in the next room with Wangji. I fell asleep before the suspicious clapping stopped.

Xue yang: so wangxian could do that and we can't! Waw, I love your double standards.

Lan qiren: do it! But not in my room!

Mo xuanyu: can we do it on top your desk then?

Lan qiren: no! And stay out of the cloud recesses!!!

Xue yang: sour man.

Mo xuanyu: Lan qiren I have a question. It's on cultivation, I promise.

Lan qiren: oh I thought it was going to be about qi deviation, but ok. Ask.

Mo xuanyu: what's the name of your beard?

Lan qiren: *stressed* WHO NAMES THEIR BEARD WU XUANYU!

Xue yang: we're here to give it a name!

Hairy Lan trap.

Mo xuanyu: goatie beard trap.

Xue yang: Ruohan catcher.

Mo xuanyu: Lan goatren.

Xue yang: yeaa!! GOATREN is an amazing name.

Lan qiren: lunatics!!

Xue yang: shhhhhhhh.

Let's get down to business.

Since that you can't classify your relationship. Maybe these genres can help. Pick one ok.

Xuanyu.

Mo xuanyu: *clears throat*

Angst

Fluff

Angst with a little fluff.

Fluff with a little Angst.

Enemies to lovers.

Lovers to enemies.

Lovers to enemies, then to lovers again, then divorced. Lovers, but not really cuz you're divorced.Then you guys have two children together, yet you still get divorced for a second time. To lovers to enemies, then to just friends. Then to enemies again. Post canon sunshot campaign. Background/mentioned WeiRen (Wwx's parents) mentioned YuWeiRen and YuRenMian.

12000 words, and 14 chapters.

Slowburn.

Fix it au.

Second chances.

Love triangle where you and Jin guangshan had a thing for Ruoruo. But guangshan got heartbroken, so he vowed to forget about his cutsleeve urges. Then he went towards women instead. Unfortunately he developed a kink. But now you have Ruoruo all to your yourself.

Yet we all know that fire and ice can't be together.

You two are like an OLD version of wangxian lol.

N/A.

Modern Au.

Arranged marriage au.

Lan qiren: N/A.

Xue yang: you're so boring!

Mo xuanyu: you're 'enemies to lovers' for sure.

Xue yang: I like the 7th one.

Mo xuanyu: me too!!

But him and Ruohan should have a second chance.

Lan qiren: can you too gremlins let me sleep!!!  It's the middle of the night! And you're getting on my nerves!

Xue yang: fine! We'll leave then! You're a lost cause!

Mo xuanyu: Uwu.

Xue yang: xuanyu, be serious with him.

Mo xuanyu: *thumbs down* no Uwu. Hmpf!!

~~

Later on, they met up with Su Minshan, where he told them that A-Yao fell asleep after comfortably eating sweets and snuggling in Lan Xichen's clothes.

So mxy and xy decided to go back home before they got caught, and Su she decides to stay with Yao and Fuying. 

Then next morning, as A-Yao was leaving, something happened.

(Just to note that he's wearing his normal clothes now)

Su she: Huangdi, I saw little Dianxia. He was heading to class.

Yao: aww. I'm happy to hear that.  

Lan members: *crowding Yao, while holding fruits and sweets in their hands.*

Are you the hulijing emperor?!!

Yao: yes....? Pleasure to meet you.

Waw!!

Here are some sweets and fruits, for you!!

Su she: *smirking to himself*

Yao: thank you.

Was this sent by A-Huan?

No Huangdi.

Aww Huangdi knows Zewu Jun!

Amazing!

This morning, when I went to the library, I read that if you make offerings to the hulijing emperor, it increases your qi!

Yao: oh--

Su she: yes yes! Now give it to Huangdi. With love and devotion.

Here you go, Huangdi!!

Yao: how lovely.

Goodbye Huangdi. Reach to your palace safely.

Yao: sure.

Su she: hehehehehe.

Yao: Shanshan. What did you do.

Su she: nothin.

Yao: *raises brow*

Su she: I tweeked the Lan rules.

Yao: oh my! You did what?! You're getting mischievous like yangyang and A-yu

Su she: sometimes you just have to do a little mischief.

Yao: you're right!

@verycatbluebird

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Four [PT.1]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of substance abuse

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NIKKI 

"My wife doesn't tell me she's having an important surgery done, no, no, she just tells her girl friend Sharise who tells Vinnie and I'm the last one to fucking know about it." I tell Amber. 

"I didn't wanna stress him out." Vivian insists, raising her brows. 

"No, you just don't wanna keep me in the know just to piss me off." I argue. 

"Nikki, go to hell." She tells me. 

"You're not talking to him like that in here," Amber scolds her. "Just like he's not talking to you like that. We aren't doing that anymore. That was the issue last week. I didn't stop you two from talking trashy to each other and it got you where you are right now." She states. "Vivian, why didn't you tell Nikki about your procedure?" 

"I didn't even tell the father of my kid I was having it done--I'm just a private person." She tells her. 

"Duff doesn't even know?" 

"No, he doesn't, and he's not going to." She looks at me. 

Note to self: call Duff when she leaves. 

"Why haven't you him?" Amber asks her next. 

"Because I was freaking out over it enough as it was. I didn't need more people freaking out over it." She says. "So I just told Sharise because she was the one driving me home from it."

Amber just raises her brows and thinks for a second, her lips pursed. 

"You see what I have to deal with?" I ask as I motion to Viv. 

"Nikki, please." Vivian rolls her eyes. 

"And she wonders why I won't fuck her. She doesn't deserve it at the moment." I add. 

"Your dick isn't made of gold, Nikki, it's some trophy I should have to earn--especially when you clearly have no qualms tossing it around like a hot potato from one pussy to the next." 

"That's not how you were acting last week." I argue. "

"But you won't fuck me because I'm not Vanity." She says back. 

"I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl." I admit. 

"You'll go down on me while I'm on the rag but me being eleven weeks pregnant--barely showing--is where you draw the line?" 

"Right, sorry, 'I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl when she's pregnant with a baby she cheated on me to conceive,' there, that's better." I correct myself. 

"At least I know the lovechild I have, exists. Do I even wanna think about the girls you've probably knocked up across the globe the last several years?" She accuses me. 

"Unlike you, dear, I know how to fucking use condoms." I cut back at her.

"Gee, can't imagine where I learned to hate condoms in the first place." She sarcastically adds. 

"Fuck if I know, you were telling me to take the damn thing off the first time we even had sex, little miss, 'I'm a virgin', 'this is my first time,' which looking back now is so obviously bullshit." I scoff. 

"I was until you fucking corrupted me." 

"My apologies, I didn't realize I was creating a cum monster whose main ambition was to procreate." 

"And I didn't realize I was creating a codependent junkie." She doesn't hesitate to throw back at me and we're both silent just enough for Amber to cut in. 

"I am going to give you two homework." She says, sighing, glancing at the clock. 

We're out of time. 

"I want you two to write each other a letter, one that doesn't involve putting one another down, and I want you to pick a time--any experience or memory with on another--that you consider the happiest you've been with each other, and I want you to mail them to each other, and next visit you'll read each other's letters back to one another to remind that person what they wrote. Sound easy?"

We just look at each other, not saying a word. 

I didn't want to waste my time writing something for her that she'd just rip up without reading, and I knew she would, and I could see she didn't want to do that, either.

I'm great at song writing...but love letters? 

I think back to the last love letter I wrote for Viv...the one in the back of her Bible I gave to her. 

It kind of hurts that one of the last physical confessions of love I gave to her was practically a suicide note. 

I close my eyes and groan, rubbing my forehead. 

Fuck.

I try to think back to my happiest time with her over the last years. 

Like flicking through the index of my mind--as best as I can, at least…

I let out a heavy sigh as I flip from channel to channel, chewing my gum, getting frustrated when I can't find anything interesting to watch. 

"Are you gonna find a channel and stick to it or are you gonna keep flipping through the same channels and expect programming to change in a matter of seconds?" Vivian asks in a borderline snap, getting aggravated with me. 

I just roll my jaw and turn the T.V. off, tossing the remote onto the coffee table. 

"I didn't say turn it off, Nikki, you can watch T.V., just pick a channel and stick to it." She sighs, her Bible still in hand, the pad she's using to take notes in, in her lap. 

"No. You just read your shit in peace and quiet. Sorry for the interruption." I reply, passively. 

"Nikki, turn the T.V. back on and watch it." 

"I'm good." I state. 

"Ugh, you are such a whiney baby." She mumbles and I raise my brows, looking at her. 

"I'm a what?" I ask, and she looks at me. 

"A whiney baby." 

"A whiney baby?" 

"Yeah." She says it surely. 

I'm grabbing her socked foot that's in my lap, making her squeal, her Bible and notepad falling in the floor when she kicks at me as I start tickling her foot. 

"Nikki, stop!" She laughs out, sitting up and trying to fight me off of her. 

"No, I'm a whiney baby remember?" I remind her, letting her foot go, getting on top of her, my hands moving to her waist, making her laugh again, trying to push me off of her. 

I lean down and kiss her exposed neck, and stop tickling her, instead wrapping my arm under her, pulling her against me, settling between her legs. 

She sighs and kisses me when I lean down to her. 

Once we pull away for air, I run my thumb over her lip and she blinks up at me, slowly. 

I can tell she's thinking, "what the hell is this? What are we doing? We aren't dating, we're not just friends, though, so what are we, Sixx?" 

I don't know, either. 

I'd tell her that but I don't want to freak her out or something. 

I like her, a lot...more than a lot…

"What is it?" She asks me, and I realize I've just been staring at her. 

"I, uh...I'm not really seeing anyone else anymore, you know?" I say, hoping she gets the hint, and she raises her brows a little. 

"Oh." She replies.

"Not that it's a big deal or anything." I add. 

"I wasn't thinking it was." She shakes her head a little...but I can practically see her doing little mental cartwheels and screaming out with joy. 

I just smile at her, kissing her again.

I wrinkle my nose at the memory, not quite sure if that's when I was at my happiest with her. 

I just decide to keep digging through more of my memory--what's left of it, that is--until I'm grabbing my pen, and writing away at the paper. 

"Shhh, shh, you're gonna wake her up!" Vivian whisper yells at me as she holds a sleeping Skylar, the little baby wrapped up in a thick blanket, pacifier in mouth, knocked out cold.

"It's nearly 5:00a.m., what the hell are you doing up?" I ask her, trying to talk straight after a night of booze and blow. 

"She hasn't slept since midnight. I've been trying everything but she just dozes for a few minutes and then wakes back up and whines." She explains.

She looks tired...exhausted, really. 

"You want me to hold her and you go to bed?"

"She doesn't like you, the second she gets the feelings you're holding her, she'll wake you screaming." She reminds me. 

"She likes me." I argue. 

"Nikki, she purposely pees on you anytime you change her diaper, she gets antsy when you hold her--not to mention the amount of times you weren't paying attention and put her clothes on backwards or inside out and she pitches a fit." 

"Hey, trying to dress a squirmy kid is military-grade patience training. If you try to perfect whatever it is she's wearing, she gets irritated and just wants down and starts moving around more and making it more difficult to get some clothes on her." She just chuckles a little and gets quiet in the light of the little reading lamp, her eyes closing slowly. 

"Viv," 

"Hmm?"

"Go put the baby in the little crib thing Sharise brought over and go lay down." I tell her, quietly. 

"I'm fine where I'm at." She insists, but I know she's not. 

I take the chance and gently pick Skylar up, causing Vivian to say, "Nikki, don't wake her up," and I carefully make sure not to wake her as I carry her to the guest bedroom and put her in her playpen on her back like Sharise drilled into mine and Viv's heads to be sure of. 

She doesn't wake up, and when I get back to the living room, Vivian's asleep in her chair, cuddled under the blanket she had Skylar under. 

"Alright," I nudge her awake and she hums, furrowing her brows. "C'mon," I say to her, and she reaches her hands out. "What is it?" I ask her. 

"Can you carry me?" She asks and I sigh out. 

"Yeah, baby," I don't tell her, 'no,' despite not knowing whether or not we'll get to the bedroom because I'm tired and I know she obviously is, too, and she's not light as a feather--which will just make me more tired by the time I head to the bedroom. 

I scoop her up and make it to the bed, only nearly dropping her once due to losing my footing--which that's not her fault. That's just the evidence of my night out. 

When I lay her on the bed and pull my clothes off, crawling in beside her, she's snuggling up to me under the covers.

"You smell good." She mumbles to me. 

"I don't know how. I smell like cologne, sweat, and booze." I mumble back, my eyes closed. 

"You smell good." She repeats it. 

"You do, too." I reply. 

"I showered. You should try it some time." She says. 

"Okay, Sixx, don't make me whoop your ass at five in the morning." I tell her, keeping my eyes closed, and she giggles, pressing her lips to my cheek, and my jaw, her nails trailing down my chest to my abdomen, deliberately running over the trail of hair leading down to my…

"It's five in the morning." I groan out, biting back a moan when her hand wraps around me, another kiss being pressed to my cheek. 

"We can be done in a couple minutes." She tells me. 

"I thought you were tired." I reply, trying to wake myself back up being that a certain part of me is up and alert. I rake my hands down my face as she straddles me, before looking up at her. "You're like those spiders that wait for the males to be vulnerable then they fuck 'em and kill 'em." I add, despite my hands running up her thighs to her waist…

"You always complain about early morning sex but then by seven o'clock you're the one not letting me tap out." She reminds me. 

I just grab her hips and push her off of me before getting on her, making her laugh before my mouth catches hers, my teeth bitting at her lip before my tongue smoothes over it, making her moan softly. 

By the time we're finished and satisfied, I'm getting off of her with deep breaths, the both of us gasping for air, covered in sweat--even our hair. 

We don't hear Skylar down the hall which is a good sign that she's still asleep. 

It's weird having a baby in the house. I know it's temporary, until Vince and Sharise get back from their little Florida getaway, but it's odd taking care of someone else aside from Vivian.

I wonder what it would be like if Viv would've actually been pregnant when we got married like she thought she was. 

We'd have a two year old by now. 

How fucking bizarre would that be raising a kid in this life at the moment. 

Sure, Vince is doing it, but that's because Sharise is solid as a fucking rock. 

I'd take a bullet for Vivian--fucking die for her--but she's not solid like that, not right now, at least. She used to be. 

I mean she's still sober as shit but sobriety doesn't help much when you're wired even though you don't have a drop of anything in your system.

Look at me, like I'm one to be talking about dependability.

I look over at her, she's passed out, damp red hair across her pillow, covers pulled over her shoulder…

I reach over and run my fingertips across her cheek, the palm of my hand moving up to smooth over her hair as rays of sun start to filter through the small parting in the blackout curtains.

I'd love to have a kid in a couple years--maybe even within the next year--it just depends on the band, whether we're where we need to be by then or not...whether me and Viv are where we need to be or not, too. 

Which as of right now, we're great. 

We're more than great. 

We haven't argued in two weeks. 

Two fucking weeks. 

Who the hell goes that long without arguing? Certainly not us, but here we are. 

We weren't fighting as much because we were having sex like bunnies. I'm talking at least twice a day--Twice. A. Day. For two and a half weeks. 

Looking back, I know it's because she was in the wake of a miscarriage, I was in the wake of Vince and Razzle's tragedy, we were both craving a quick fix and I guess sex is how we were illusioned into believing we were healing. 

In reality we obviously weren't solving anything, just brushing it under the rug, but it was honestly the happiest I had been with her for our marriage. 

It was peaceful. We weren't at each other's throats. We weren't at war. We looked forward to seeing each other and spending time with each other, and it was the closest we got to being how we were when we were just dating...so that, for me at that time, was the happiest I remember us being.

The next day I'm taking my enveloped and stamped letter down to the mailbox in the hall near the recreation room, passing by Amber on my way, seeing her nod at me in acknowledgment before I'm halting myself and coming back to see her. 

"Hey, Doc, I need a word." I tell her. 

"Can it wait, Mr. Sixx, I'm running late for a meeting?" 

"I wanna know why having sex with my wife is a bad thing?" I ask, and she stops and looks at me. 

"It's not. Nobody said it was." She tells me. 

"You told me it might jeopardize our progress if we move too fast." 

"Because it very well could. You both have co-dependence intertwined in your sex lives." She explains.

"Well, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the last couple sessions but my wife has needs right now. And not having sex with her right now is jeopardizing our progress because she thinks something's wrong with her." 

"But you've told me, and her, you don't desire her because she's currently carrying another man's child."

"I've been thinking about it and I told her I'd work this out with her and how I've acted towards her is kinda contradictory to that." I admit. "And I can't go home and screw her into next week because you've got me paranoid about messing things up, now." 

"Have you told her my opinion on sex in your relationship as of now?" 

"No."

"Well, then, tell her about it and I'll take the blame for it." 

"I don't want you to take the blame for anything, I want you to 'ok' me banging my wife." 

"If you want to, 'bang,' your wife, then you can do that. There's not a law in the universe barring you from getting intimate with her."

"Sure as shit feels like it." I argue. 

"Tell you what, you talk to her about it--tell her my opinion--and we'll touch on it in the next session." She suggests. 

"Pun intended?" I ask and she furrows her brows, looking unamused. 

"...Okay, nevermind." I mumble. 

"I'll see you Friday for your session with the boys, have a good day." She tells me, giving me a nod before walking away. 

I just shake my head a little, irritated, and drop my letter in the mail box, heading to the payphone to try to call Vivian. 

"Hello?" She answers on the second ring and I clear my throat. 

"H-Hey, it's me," I say, and she's quiet for a moment. 

"Hey," she finally answers and I let out a breath of relief. 

"Do you wanna visit tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something." I tell her. 

"Is this where you tell me you're filing for a divorce afterall?" She asks and I rub my lips together. 

"No, Viv, it's not. It's about our sex thing." I struggle trying to define it. 

"Can we even have a sex thing if we aren't even having sex?" 

"Ha. Ha. Smartass." I state. "Seriously, you wanna come?" 

"More than you know." She replies and I can't help but laugh. 

"Pun not intended." She adds. "I'll be there around nine o'clock, if that's okay? I have another appointment to check on the baby since the surgery and then I'm gonna try to go shopping for some decently healthy things because I'm gaining too much weight at the moment." 

"You're pregnant--that's your excuse to eat whatever the fuck you want, when you want it, isn't? Like a chick liberation thing or something." 

"I'm eating too much junk, I don't want to pop out a fifteen pound baby. My pussy will rip to my ass." She says and I get a horrifying image. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Nikki, I gotta go." 

"Alright, see you then. Bye, baby." 

"Bye." She replies softly before hanging up.

I pick at the inside of my lip with my teeth, another thought coming to mind...and my eyes shift to my pinky ring on my right hand...the same one I'd proposed to Vivian with back in '83.

[hitsuackerman]

Is That My Shirt? (Shinso x Reader)

Prompt: Shinso notices one morning that the space in his closet seems wider than before. Who in the world could have stolen his shirts?

Warnings: FLUFF

A purple haired boy stared at his half filled closet. Realization hit hard when he saw that the amount of clothes he had when he entered the hero course dorms have now been dwindling. The space seemed to grow more and more everyday.

Deciding not to dwell on this, he grabbed one of his signature navy shirts and sweatpants. Heading downstairs to eat some breakfast. He could deal with his clothes later.

Reaching the last few steps, he could hear the chats of his new classmates. He wasn’t used to it yet but being welcomed with open arms by the class 2-A was something he did not expect. Not wanting to admit it, he did consider himself a hypocrite ever since he began to forge close bonds with the others. Todoroki was right when he said there was no escaping the ‘1-A Bat of Friendship’.

“Good morning, Shinso!” Kirishima greeted him as he waved with a spoon on hand. His bright red hair still is not defying gravity. “‘Bout time you woke up, dude.”

Dragging the chair back, he lazily sat down and let out a huge yawn. The bags under his eyes, despite being hereditary, looked a shade bit darker. Despite knowing they were given a 1 week vacation, he still kept studying and doing his homework in advance.

“Oi, extra!” Bakugo yelled from behind. “Get your food now before I throw it in the trash!”

That was something he could not get used to as quickly tho. Making his way to the common kitchen, he began to count the heads present but yours wasn’t there yet. Perhaps you were still sleeping. Grabbing himself some breakfast, he sat beside Kirishima who gladly gave him some space.

“So, where’s (Y/N)?” Kiri asked as he took in a spoonful of breakfast.

“Probably still sleeping.” Shinso replied. “Why?”

“Nah. But we are curious, though, are you two really just best friends?” His red eyebrow raised as he questioned the mini Aizawa of 2-A.

“We are.”

“Are you though?” Mina inserted herself as she sat beside the messy indigo haired boy. “You tend to stare a little longer when it comes to her~”

“She tends to be touchy when you're within her reach.” Denki added.

“When you’re not looking, she stares at you with lovey dovey eyes.” Even Deku joined in on the conversation.

“And your points are?” Shinso asked with such a deadpan expression. His tired look made them laugh a bit. In some ways, he was like a Todoroki before the UA sports festival. “Just because we're like that doesn’t mean there’s something going on between us.”

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I ask her out?” Kirishima asked. His eyes keenly observing his reaction. “I’ve been meaning to ask her but I just wanted to know if you’re cool with it.”

Shinso was quiet. Looking away from his acquaintance, his thought wandered off to you. Somehow, he found himself a little pissed that some guy would want to ask you out. For some reason, his heart beat increased at the mental image of you with this red haired dude instead of him.

“I mean, I don’t mind.” His answer was a bit hushed. "It's her life not mine."

For the rest of the meal, Shinso remained quiet. Staring intently at his food. He had failed to see the others staring at him with furrowed brows.

Signalling Kiri to stand up and leave, Mina accompanied him. Making sure they were seen heading up to your floor. From the corner of his eyes, he followed them till they disappeared. He only just realized he had been holding a rather long breath.

The doors of the building opened and his eyes landed on you. Hair slightly messy but it was downcasted by the brightness of your smile. A set of floating clothes accompanied you with shared laughter. You wore your signature oversized shirt and black leggings. Your favorite combo.

"You sure you don't have feelings for her?" Deku muttered. 

His gaze never faltered and his hearing non-existent. Did he really have feelings? His breath hitched when your eyes met his. The way your eyes sparkled made his face heat up. Was it possible to look away when the smile on your face was for him?

Wait. His brows furrowed when you were now walking towards him. The answer to his morning question had now been answered.

Sitting beside him, you greeted Deku and him. Handing them a daifuku each.

"That's my shirt." Shinso commented as his fingers played with the sleeves. Meanwhile, Deku's ears were very much focused on the conversation happening before him.

"And your point is?" You teasingly replied. Poking his cheek as well.

'How can these two not be dating?' Deku thought.

"Is this the one of many?" His eyes staring at the shirt's print. This shirt was one of his favorites. But seeing you wear it gave it a whole different vibe. "My closet seems emptier ever since I moved in."

"You're not blaming me now, are you?"  The smirk on your face was as brainwashing as his own quirk. Heck, it almost felt like once he'd answer, he'd fall into your trap.

"Give me my shirts back, (Y/N)..."

'Shirts? Are they sleeping together?' Deku's mind was doing cartwheels by now.

"Can I atleast keep 5?" You pouted and tugged on his arm. "I like wearing your shirts. They're warm and comfy and cozy just like you."

'Warm? Comfy? Cozy?!' At this point Deku went full on mumble mode in his head.

Shinso's jaw dropped but he managed to catch it on time. And did he hear it right? 5?

"How many shirts do you have (Y/N)?"

"8…" You looked away with redness in your cheek.

Ruffling your hair, he stood up and extended his hand.

"Fine." There it was again. The sparkle in your (e/c) eyes. "But only if I get to decide."

Taking his hand, you lead him straight to your room. Hands never letting go. By now, there was no use in denying that he had crossed the friendship line.

Inside your room, you opened your messy closet.

"Don't look."

A little too late on your part. Despite the jungle of clothes inside, he managed to catch a glimpse of a special corner where his clothes were neatly stacked.

One by one, he checked to see which among these he'd give to you. With each shirt, you told the story of why you stole it from his closet. It was all too amusing but cute at the same time. Whatever shirt he wanted you to have, he'd toss it to your face.

"You're… You're giving me all of them?"

"Not exactly." He scratched the back of his neck and looked away. "Just making you part owner. Is all."

You don't know what came to your mind, but you threw the shirts to a random discard pile. The next thing Shinso knew was that he felt your pillow underneath his head. Strands of your hair splayed on his face as you wrapped your arms tightly on his neck. He had to blink himself back to life.

Patting your back, all Shinso could do was hope this moment would last longer.

What he didn't know was how erratic your heart beats were. Sure, he was your best friend but you would be a liar if you didn't want to be something more than just a friend.

"Thank you for the shirts~" You finally broke the silence.

"Anything for you…"

"You have really fluffy hair~" Using your elbows to lift yourself, you took in the view of Shinso. His eyes were deep in thought yet the connection was still there. Your eyes widened when he tucked strands of hair behind your ear. Instantly, you felt heat travel to your cheeks.

"I like you wearing my clothes." Somehow, he had found the courage to brush his thumb on your cheek. His mind went blank except for 3 words he wanted to say. Just as he was about to say it… he closed his mouth and gently pushed you away.

"D-did I do something wrong?" The tone of your voice sent guilt down his system. "I'm sorry if I hugged you all of a sudden."

He couldn't bring himself to look at you. If he would then he might lose his resolve. Shaking his head, he stood up and waved his palm back and forth.

"It's nothing."

"Toshi?"

Gaddamnit. He hated hearing you like this.

"I can't ruin our friendship…" He uttered to himself. Just as his hand touched the door knob, he heard the shuffling of your bed followed by footsteps running towards him. A slight tug on his shirt told him you were clinging on to him.

"What if… What if I want to ruin to the friendship?"

Looking at you over his shoulder, he managed to catch a glimpse of your head hanging low. A few tears running down your cheek.

Turning around to face you, you let go of his shirt and used your hands to cover your face. Thankful you couldn't see him, a smirk formed on his face. It had been mutual all along and his friends were right.

"What did you say?" He faked the shock in his voice.

"I… I…"

"You want to ruin the what?" By now he couldn't help the cheeky growing grin on his face.

Letting out a long breath, you lowered your hands and stared at your cat socks.

"I like you, Toshi." Your voice was small but he heard you loud and clear. "I… wouldn't mind ruining friendship if it means we get to be something more."

You finally said it.

"So, can I kiss you?"

"Eh?" Lifting your head, your heart leaped at the sight of Shinso's lavender eyes. The way they drifted to your lips and back to your eyes made you want to fall flat on the ground due to the sensation of butterflies in your tummy.

"I guess it's a no then~"

Panicking, your hands found their way to his cheeks. Slightly squishing them making him pout. He looked all too adorable when he smiled through your hold.

Taking one step forward, you let go of his cheeks as your hands traveled down to his neck and stopping when they rested on his chest.

Shinso placed one hand on your waist while the other cupped your cheek. Leaning in closer, he chuckled when you stood on your tippy-toes. By now, your noses were brushing and each exhale touched both your lips.

Before closing the gap, he whispered…

"To the ruined friendship?"

All you could do was smile and slide your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

"To the ruined friendship."

With that, the two of you met halfway and savored the moment of finally letting go of your pent up feelings in favor of something much better.

Bonus:

"You think the plan worked?" Kiri asked Mina as they stared at your bedroom door.

"I think it did." Deku answered. "He seemed pretty shaken when you asked him the question."

Guess it wasn't just Shinso who could ruse people.

[royaltealovingkookiness]

I disagree with the idea of Mai being emotionally abused/repressed,if we're going by canon characterization. She seems more bored and lacking perspective than repressed to me(I don't believe a repressed teen would complain in such a dramatic fashion(Omashu) in front of a parent. And most importantly,Mai was told to cheer up in a friendly way, not a reprimand). And that's fine, IMO. Not everyone has to have a tragic background to be interesting. Her writing is all over the place, that's certain.

Thanks for the question. I love Mai, she’s such an interesting (and misunderstood) character. You are right that when it comes to the writing, her characterization is not always consistent. Since she was created by Elizabeth Welch Ehasz (who is a master of nuance and show not tell), I will rely on her episodes mostly. 

Mai’s introduction in Return to Omashu is very interesting:

Mai: There really is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place.

Governor’s Wife: Mai, your father was appointed governor. We’re like royalty here. Be happy, and enjoy it.

A complaining teenager with a reasonable mother, you say? Yes.

Except; if you look a bit closer: Mai is mad, because she was dragged out of her home in the capital city of the FN, and brought to a boring Earth Kingdom backwater, where she is the enemy. Any 15-year old would feel kind of grumpy about that, it’s normal.

But her mother doesn’t at all focus on Mai’s feelings. She immediately invalidates them. It’s not about Mai, it’s about her father’s political career, what Mai thinks doesn’t matter, only her outward behaviour, which should project contenment. The entire family dynamics is set up in two brilliant lines.

If we go to the flashback in Zuko Alone; we see child Mai; and she’s different; a bit shy, she blushes when she sees Zuko, she shows a range of emotions. We also see the origins of the dynamics of Team Azula. They are supposed to be friends, but when Ty Lee does something (cartwheels) better than Azula, she gets immediately punished, and when Mai shows that she cares about someone (Zuko), it is immediately used against her and against the object of her affection in the form of a flaming apple on her head.

And since the adults around them fail to protect them or to correct these harmful dynamics, the girls develop their own coping strategies - Ty Lee runs away, and when it doesn’t work, she plays dumb and eager to please Azula. Mai learns to control her emotions and stops showing affection. If she doesn’t care, it can’t be used against her, right? 

So when Azula shows up in Omashu, Mai greets her with this line:

“Please tell me you’re here to kill me.” [Translation: I don’t care about my life, it sucks, so you can’t use it against me. - it’a a preventive strike]

Of course, Azula is much better at this game than Mai - she immediately asserts her authority over Mai’s father (implying he could lose the governorship) and coerces Mai into putting Tom-Tom into danger. She reminds Mai exactly how much she has to lose. Unsurprisingly, Mai falls in line. 

I think abuse is a term that gets thrown around too freely (parenting is a spectrum from Ozai to Iroh and where you put the pin, is a bit individual), but I think it’s undeniable that there are a lot of damaging forces in Mai’s life. She’s seen by her own family as a tool to further her father’s political career, her feelings are invalidated, her opinions don’t matter. She’s stuck in a toxic friendship, with a huge power-imbalance, and her parents not only do not protect her, they actively treat Mai’s friendship with Azula as a family asset. 

She’s close to politics, where she sees her father being a spineless climber - and learns in early childhood that relationships are measured by their usefulness, smiles are for a show, everyone is a replaceable tile in a giant game of pai sho and there is a lot of fakeness going around.

Add to this, the mind-numbing indoctrination at the Fire Nation schools, and Mai’s character makes perfect sense: she’s unemotional and looks bored because it’s safer not to care or be excited, she’s cynical, because she’s seen everyone only thinking of themselves, she’s apathic because both her family and her school system told her that her thoughts are worthless and her only option is to play the game to survive. 

And it’s not a flashy trauma story, it is not exceptional, but it highlights very well how even priviliged children are affected by the war and politics, even on the winning side. Nobody is above the context.

When Zuko comes back into her life, Mai’s armor of apathy starts to crack. Because Zuko is an angry, confusing ball of emotions, but he’s never fake or manipulative. Mai knows it is dangerous to care, but she can’t help it. This sets up the tension - an eventual clash between Zuko and Azula is inevitable, with Mai in the middle, forced to pick sides. And it’s a powerful moment when she understands that her choices matter, she is not powerless and she doesn’t have to stand anymore meekly with a flaming apple on her head.

I would have dearly loved to see Welch Ehasz write a Book3 episode on the three girls as their relationship comes apart at the seams, to see how she would have closed their arcs, I think it would have been a bit different than what we saw in The Beach and in The Boiling Rock.