#it's 100% possible im reading way too much into this but I couldnt help but notice all these little details in the signature designs

[urprettylittlething]

In The Shadows

Purge Alternate Universe

Yandere - Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru

A/N - Okayyyy I've been working on this for like a week and it's the longest I've ever written for one thing, I had a shoulder injury which is mostly healed up now during the week which hindered my progress a little because I originally really wanted this to get out nearer Halloween time, but oh well TT at least its here now right? Lmao, but I hope you guys enjoy it, I tried my best and lowkey kind of hate it, I wished I could've done more or something, but if you have any ideas around this for a possible part 2 let me knoww, although no promises ;) Consider this a massive thank you story, I now have over 100 followers and the likes and reblogs and comments, you guys, I'm crying, I love you all so much <333333 I love interacting with you guys and your comments on my stories or in my inbox <3333 you all make my day ilysm <3 :( AND IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP IT, they're kind of really mean so its more harsh yandere than the soft you all wanted :( I couldn't help myself its a purge AU TT, but I promise ill make something softer in the future <33 sorry this is so long omfg, but let me know your thoughts pretty please &lt;3 and if you actually read all of this ily

summary - Another purge night is here and you think your safe and sound, but let your guard down and you'll find yourself bound.

warnings - purge, mentions of 'off screen' murder, actual 'off screen' murder, kind of gore but reader doesn't see it, blood, rope, reader gets tied up, gags?, tape over readers mouth, they're actually kind of really mean lol, especially Geto, descriptions of panic, anxiety, overthinking, stalker situation kind of, swearing, crying, brief hair pulling, if there's any more let me know ml <3

genre - Oneshot

wc - 7.2k

~spelling and grammar fixed already~

Edit - the top photo 6/11/23

The tip tapping of fingers on keys echoed around the silent room. The occasional footfalls of people around her walking up and down. Picking up books to further aid their studying would slip past the music playing in her ears when they were loud enough.

Every time she would hear someone being a little too loud for the library they were in she would glance up and shoot a half-hearted glare their way.

They’d never see her but it was the thought that counted. A barely audible sigh escapes her as she brings a hand up to massage her cold fingertips into the throbbing skin at her temple. 

Nervous nibbling was occupying her teeth and lips, chewing away the flesh and creating tender spots her tongue would soon soothe. 

She’d been staring at the same empty document for two hours now. No more than two sentences she was able to come up with before she’d erase them in a fit of frustration.

Abandoned textbooks lay closed behind her laptop, she’d deemed them no use around thirty minutes in, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and search for better ones. 

She was antsy, not able to focus on her assignment due in a week's time. Her brain was all fogged up, too many thoughts going through her mind and yet she's not able to focus on a single one.

The purge was tonight. March 21st. And it was currently 1pm. 

Why did she even bother to come to the library in the first place? Was she hoping to distract herself even just a little bit before she had to hunker herself down in her dorm for twelve hours? 

Maybe. Yes.

Was it working? Absolutely not.

She was too skittish. Overthinking everything that had the potential of happening later and things that have previously happened. 

‘Someone's not going to come and try to kill me just because I forgot to return their pen that one time, right?’ 

The amusing, albeit a little dark, thought did make the corner of her lips twitch just the smallest amount. 

Taking off her headphones after stopping her music, she closes down her laptop and starts to move it into her bag. 

She spares a quick glance around the few tables next to hers as she stands with the library's books in her arms. Her eyes locked with a man sitting roughly two tables down. Slumped back in his seat.

Gojo Satoru. Bright white and fluffy hair paired with a set of dazzling blue eyes. The ones currently peeking over the tops of his round shades that had slid down his nose as he tucked his head down slightly. 

Sitting in front of him and abstracting her view of Gojo only slightly is who she assumed was Geto Suguru. Two peas in a pod and never seen without the other. The long black and silky strands of hair tied up in a half up bun was a giveaway to who he was as well.

Both of them were originally from Tokyo, Japan. Coming over to America over five years ago. Or at least that's what she’s heard from around the place, not knowing them personally. They were the most popular boys in school when she had joined a little over a year ago and they still held the title strong.

She doesn’t think she's ever really interacted with them. At Least not on any kind of personal level. Sure, maybe from a few friends of friends or passing each other in the hallway and being polite to her upperclassmen, but nothing all that memorable. 

Which is why this prolonged eye contact is sending a very noticeable shiver down her spine. The smallest twitch of a smirk on his face and she was breaking eye contact, gulping down the pooled saliva in her mouth as she turned around and hastily made her way in between the towering bookshelves.

Leaving the library after stacking the books she’d previously taken back on the shelves, she hastily makes her way down the long corridors. Keeping her head down, her hands clutched tight on the strap of her bag. She passes very few people in the hallway.

Even after pushing through the doors and trekking her way to the dorms at the end of the path, there were very few people loitering around outside. Some of the people she passed looked like they could be stoned, not that she could really blame them. Some looked a little too relaxed and happy and some were just trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Like her.

As the doors came into view, and then the stairs, she slowly began to relax, her fast pace lessening up. Successfully getting to the safest place she could for when the purge would start. 

It was also a massive relief that her two good friends would be staying with her during the twelve hours of horror. Last time she was by herself there had been multiple scares throughout the night. Nothing too big but something she didn’t think she could handle alone again. 

Reaching her door on the third floor she fiddles with her keys for a few seconds before her door clicks open and she pushes her way inside. Closing the door and locking it again for good measure. 

It was 1:43 pm.

A few minutes after she had arrived back at her dorm did she realize she still needed to pick up some food items. Being a broke student meant she had essentially nothing in her cupboards or her fridge. And if she was ‘hosting for the purge’ this year, it meant she had to stock up at least a little bit. 

‘Imagine trying to hide from a killer and your stomach growls, I think I would just die on the spot.’ She thinks, the smallest smile gracing her face. Humour is usually her way to cope in situations like these. It’s either that or panicking and she’d rather try to save that for the main event.

With a heavy sigh and hesitation weighing her limbs down, she slowly puts her shoes and jacket back on. She can make this quick. In and out. Easy peasy. 

With a quick jump while shaking her limbs out to get rid of her last minute hesitation, she quickly opens her door and steps out before shutting it behind her. No going back now. Locking the door behind her, she starts making her way back down the stairs and out the doors, walking in the direction of the food store. 

Her nerves were still playing up though, eyes darting this way and that as if trying to find a reason for her to panic. ‘It’s okay, the purge hasn’t started yet, all those things are still illegal.’ Is what she keeps telling herself while taking a deep breath. But the fact they won’t be in a few hours was still cause for some panic. 

Arriving at the store, she wizzes around, collecting any good looking snack and throwing it in her basket before hastily paying and leaving. The heavy plastic carrier bag hanging from her fingers gave her reason to think she went a bit overboard. 

Her quickened steps and accelerated breathing were all she could hear for a while. Her walk back to her dorm was supposed to be a quiet one, less and less people were loitering around meaning less and less noises to distract her. 

Especially from the new set of footsteps that have appeared behind her.

As soon as her mind clocked the extra set of footsteps there, it went into overdrive. ‘Who is that? Are they following me? No, you're being delusional, they're just trying to get back home. But are they? They just appeared out of nowhere. Are they going to try and kidnap me? Rape me? Stuff me in a van? Drag me down a dark alleyway and murder me?’

Her mind was racing, steps quickening and breathing silenced under the new threat. ‘Oh god, what if they’re stalking me? Waiting until the purge starts to come and slaughter me? They’re going to kill me. They’re going to kill me. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?’

And then they were gone. 

It barely registered in her mind that the fast paced footsteps from behind her had vanished. A sharp breath escaped her before her head whipped around on a desperate whim. No one. Not a soul on the path behind her. 

Her shoulders sank with relief and a watery laugh broke free from her trembling lips. ‘I’m losing my mind.’ She thought. Even though that feeling in her gut had faded, it never fully disappeared. Her racing heart never slowed and neither did her footsteps. 

Y/n hurried back to her dorm, almost running through the doors and up the stairs to fumble with her keys and quickly burst in. Double checking she locked the door behind her, and then checking every other lock on her third story apartment. Only when she had made sure they were all secure could she finally relax. 

Her body shivering and hands shaking from the after effects of adrenaline. Her breathing is still a little shaky as she pulls a bunch of pillows and blankets into her tiny living room. Pushing her chair and sofa away to make more space as she lays everything out as neat as she could, making the floor a comfy space for her and her two friends to crash for the purge. 

She empties the snacks from out of the plastic bag and piles them in a nice little corner near the TV. A small stack of movies there for when they’re all waiting for the purge to start. Some cards in a pack were also placed there. 

The three of them are wanting to be as quiet as possible while the purge is going on. Everything locked, curtains drawn, lights off, TV with no volume and only subtitles, quiet games to play in case they got bored, etc. 

They weren’t taking any chances. It was doubtful anything would happen, since nothing really ever did in the dorms. No student here would go as far as murdering somebody, everyone mostly stayed inside, not wanting to risk anything. She only knew of a few people that have snuck out before to rob a few stores, or do some petty revenge like smashing someone's car without getting into trouble.

But overall, it was best to remain quiet. They didn’t want to get murdered because the TV was turned up too loudly and attracted some wrong attention. 

It was 5:15 pm.

This is the time her friends arrived. Knocking some made up code on the slab of wood before messaging just for good measure that it was really them outside. 

After unlocking the door and letting her two good friends inside her dorm she swiftly closes and locks it again. Relieved greetings transpire as well as nervous whispers about the purge and some small gossip of who they think would actually go out this year and who are likely to stay inside. 

The three of them start to make their way around her dorm, closing all the curtains and double checking the locks on all the windows and doors. Especially the balcony and front door. 

After they’ve secured the apartment, they turn off all the necessary lights, flicking on a few electrical lanterns and setting them up around the living room, but away from the windows. They’ve left one lantern in the bathroom and one in her bedroom, both turned off, just in case of emergencies.  

The three of them settle in a spread out pile on the blankets she put down in the living room. Some snacks are passed around already and a movie is slotted into the TV, playing as background noise mostly while they talk.

Erica, a sassy but kind of dumb girl, with choppy shoulder length hair that had been bleached and dyed a light green. She's donned in a crop top and sweatpants, comfy.

Don, a friendly giant, very kind in nature but also a little muscly. He has short black hair and a sculpted jawline. He also came in sweatpants and a baggy white T-shirt, also comfy.

Her two very good, and only, friends here. They’re in a few of her classes and all regularly hang out together. 

“So,” Erica begins after her mouthful of powdered donut. “Who do you think is going to actually purge tonight? Like, actually actually. My moneys on them two hotties in my class.” She finishes, wiggling her eyebrows..

Don hums around his half empty soda can. “Yeah, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they did.”

Y/n pipes up, “Wait who?” sitting up against the sofa behind her, getting comfy like she's about to hear the gossip of a lifetime.

“Oh, Em, G! You haven’t heard of it? You’ve seriously been, like, living under a rock or something.” Erica says jokingly. Picking apart pieces of her donut and eating them. 

Don perks up too. “Really? You haven't?” Y/n shakes her head in denial as Don shrugs. “I get it, it’s mostly stayed in our class, hasn’t spread much further than that.” He says before crawling forward and rummaging around for more snacks.

“So get a load of this right!” Erica sits up too after finishing her donut. Waving her hands excitedly as she tells her latest gossip. “You know them two really hot upperclassmen right?” She draws out her ‘really’ and waits patiently at the end of her sentence for the other girl's confirmation. 

When she nods in slight confusion, Erica continues, “There were some major rumours in class that the two of them were late this one day because they were beating someone up. And I don't mean like a few slaps or hair pulling, I mean punches. You know?”

Y/n nods again, this time with furrowed brows and Erica continues, “At first, I didn’t believe it, obviously. But then, the two of them came into class and I swear there were blood stains on their clothes. Blood stains! Not to mention all the plasters and bandages all over their hands! I just had to believe it then! Wouldn’t you?”

After the end of her long rant she slumps back against the front of the sofa and mumbles incoherently to herself shaking her head while pouting.

Don, who had been listening silently, pipes up, “It was true, I was actually there for once.”

Y/n’s eyebrows raise in disbelief at what she had just heard. Fighting, here? She couldn’t help but to doubt it, if only just a little. Stuff like that has never happened here. Or at least while she had been here. It was just unheard of.

And for an attack so vicious to result in blood being drawn, then there must have been somewhat of a good reason for it. That was the conclusion she came to.

“I mean, there had to have been a good reason for it.” Y/n says, “They’re pretty nice people aren't they? It is Gojo and Geto were talking about here, right? They’re really popular here too.” Her eyes darted between her two friends, looking for more answers on this unexpected juicy gossip.

Erica sighs wistfully, “No, it got shut down pretty quick, which I guess is why so little people have heard about it. God, would I pay to see them fight though. Their muscles must have looked amazing.” 

They stop talking about it after that, Don getting distracted by the snacks and whining about how she didn’t get his favourite. Erica smacking him with a few pillows and complaining how he’s getting in the way of her movie she was barely even watching. 

Their playful banter did little to distract from her inner turmoil. A small shiver went down her spine again. The memory from earlier in the library resurfacing in her mind. Gojo staring her down, the creepy walk back from the shops and now learning the two had at the very least helped in injuring someone.

It could just be because it was purge day, but everything was beginning to creep her out and she was overthinking again. ‘What if he wants to attack me next? What if all of those things were connected and someone really was following me home? What if he wants to kill me? What if both of them want to kill me? Have I ever done anything to offend them? I haven’t, have I?’ She knew these were far fetched and ridiculous, but she couldn’t help but think of them anyway.

Her spiralling thoughts were halted when a stray pillow smacked her in the face. “Oops, haha, sorry.” Erica sheepishly apologized, bringing her hand up to smooth down Y/n’s ruffled hair. Don was laughing in the background.  

Y/n was stunned for a few seconds before replying, “Oh, don’t worry. How about we put something else on? This movie is kind of boring.” crawling across the piles of pillows and blankets to reach the stack of movies.

This caught the other two’s attention, eagerly rushing to the stack as well to try and get first pick. Arguing for a few more minutes before settling on a movie they all loved. Snuggling back into their original positions.

This was how the next few hours went before the announcement appeared.

It was 6:59 pm.

At exactly 7 on the dot, the TV went black before turning blue, the government announcing the commencement of the purge. Big bold letters and ‘Emergency Broadcast System’ and ‘This is not a test’ were displayed on the screen.

They were all quiet as it played out. The mood quickly turned sombre.

“Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted.”

Don gulped.

“Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.”

Erica huffed.

“Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.” 

Y/n shivered.

“Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 am when The Purge concludes.”

She released a shaky breath. The announcement ends with “...A nation reborn.” before stopping. The screen turned black again.

No one moves or says anything. Each of them were frozen in an array of emotions. Fear being the most prominent. 

The silence stretched on for minutes. Eerie in its wake, not even being able to hear other people in their dorm rooms like she normally would.

Eventually, after releasing another shaky breath and rearranging herself with trembling limbs, they all snap back into the present. 

Don coughs and Erica shuffles awkwardly. 

“Cards, anyone?” Y/n meekly speaks up. The other two nod as they sit in a small circle. 

It was 7:36 pm.

This was when the first explosion of some kind was heard by them. Each of them froze in the middle of playing their mostly silent game of cards. The noise was distant, but the impact remained.

A scream from a few doors down echoed in the silent space.

They waited with baited breath for any follow up, but when nothing happened, they slowly relaxed. Each of them assumed it was the explosion that must have scared someone. Sometimes it’s better to think of the positive, rather than what that scream could have been for.

A few minutes later a siren bellows in the distance, a few car alarms wail.

Nothing too bad, but knowing that it could mean someone was being murdered out there didn’t give them any ease.

It was 8:02 pm. 

This is when the banging starts. Y/n thinks it could be a few doors down again. Erica thinks it’s below them and Don thinks it’s above them. 

Wherever it was, it was concerning. 

Erica releases a small nervous chuckle. “Maybe someone is just having a good time?” A fake smile plastered on her face to try and mask her worry. Even she didn’t believe her little theory. Not during a time like this, during The Purge.

It was a few minutes later, after they had quietly resumed their game, that footsteps were heard.

Clacking down the hallway. 

1, 2.

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

They were walking at a leisurely pace. Taking their time. Strolling down the hallway and getting closer and closer.

All three of them looked towards the door, as if someone were to burst in at any moment.

The footsteps slow before coming to a stop. Right outside her door.

The three of them hold their breath, bodies flinching when a light knock rings out into the open space.

Complete silence.

Another knock.

None of them had even noticed the earlier noises had stopped, too focused on the potential threat now right outside the door. Seemingly wanting someone to open up.

Three pairs of eyes dart between each other. Silent questions trying to push their way out without being heard. A few panicked half shrugs and furrowed brows with downturned lips later, another knock rings out.

This time it was a little louder.

Barely audible whisperings of ‘you go’, ‘no you’, ‘fuck no’, ‘who even is it?’ cut through the silence. No one wanted to ask the question. To even speak a hint of it lest it result in it coming true.

Eventually after a solid minute of panicked, almost silent, squabbling later. A frustrated and frightened Erica pushed herself up. Taking a very obvious deep breath. Eyes closed and silently mumbling to herself before taking a few steps over to the front door.

She tried to be as quiet as she could but each step sounded like it weighed a ton. Every creek and every wobble made to sound the loudest. 

Very quietly bracing her hands upon the door, she leant up on her tiptoes. Peeking into the peephole positioned in the centre of the door.

The two left in the pile of blankets still. Not wanting to even breathe in fear of disturbing whatever was happening in front of them.

A sudden screech of pure panic and fear tore from Erica’s throat. Flailing before landing with a harsh thud on the floor beneath her. Scrambling backwards on her hands and feet, keeping her eyes on the door the entire time.

The two startle and immediately jump up, laboured breathing hindering their lungs from the sudden scare.

“What the fuck? Erica what happened? What was that?” Don frantically whispered. His eyes were also locked on the door. 

Y/n also whispered to her, “Who was that? Erica?” her eyes locked onto her friend, not able to bring herself to look at the door yet.

“It was.. Oh god.. The peep..” Erica wheezed out. The fright took too much out of her with her frantic gasps for air.

A sudden bang echoed into the room. A few more followed before they all realized it was coming from the front door. 

Erica screeched and threw herself back into a standing position, rushing for the kitchen and grabbing any sharp knife her eyes first laid on.

Don stood frozen in fear. Not able to move or barely breathe from the looks of it.

Y/n wasn’t any better herself. Downright terrified. This was her dorm. Her dorm. Which means whoever was outside, was looking for her.

The banging persisted, the person on the other side seemingly determined to get in. This proved correct when the handle started turning whichever way it could. 

She didn’t even realize, terror clouding her senses because when she looked back to her two friends, Don had collapsed into himself, wheezing with little air entering his lungs amidst his panic. Erica was cornered in the kitchen, sobbing, tears flooding her cheeks and ruining her mascara she had in place.

The persistent banging stopped for a second. The faint sound of another pair of footsteps approached from the hallway outside. Muffled talking pursued but it was hard to make anything out, between her pounding heart, Erica’s sobs and the slab of wood in the way, didn’t make for easy hearing.

For Y/n, it seemed there was one second of complete silence. No sobbing, no voices, no distant alarms or explosions, no racing heart, no wheezing lungs. Before chaos sprung onto them.

Suddenly the people outside, because there was another person now, resumed banging on the door. But it didn’t seem like they were ‘just knocking’ anymore. No.

They were trying to break the door down. 

She could see it from the way the door groaned and creaked under the relentless kicking. She couldn't quite tell if they were using their feet, or an object, or whatever. 

All that mattered was that they were trying to get in. And they were going to succeed.

“Move! Hide! We need to hide!” She whisper-yelled. Rushing to Don and tugging on his arm to try and get him to move. He stared at her for a few seconds before his brain caught up, registering what was happening around him. The real danger he was in right now.

“Hide.. Oh god..” He panted, sprinting for the bathroom, the first place his eyes had landed on.

With Don now searching for a place to hide, she ran her way to Erica. Still trying to be as quiet as she could, in the little hopes that they would think she wasn’t here.

“Erica, we need to hide! They’re getting in!” She frantically whispered to her hyperventilating friend. Trying to shake her shoulders, even resorting to lightly slapping her face to try and get her attention. She was desperate.

“Please!” The sound of splintering caught both of their attention. Heads whipping towards the door starting to cave. She wasn’t all that surprised, that slab of wood was a shitty excuse for a door anyway.

Erica suddenly sprung up and dove for the piles of blankets in the living room. Trying to bury herself amongst them, taking the knife with her.

And now that all her friends had been taken care of, she ran for her bedroom. Trying her best not to stumble and fall in the dark hallway. 

As soon as her door came into sight, she gently opened it, gunning for her wardrobe tucked into the corner of the room. Not even looking towards the turned off lantern, she didn’t need them knowing her hiding spot from something so obvious. 

It was already messy anyway, so in her frazzled brain she didn’t bother caring where she tossed piles of clothes and shoes in her room.. They’d hopefully think it was like that in the first place.

After quickly clearing a space big enough for her to curl into, she did just that. Situating herself just right, back pressed against the side of the wardrobe, knees tucked to her chest and pressed against the boxes in front of her. She was sitting on old shirts she hadn’t seen for months.

Hearing the door breaking even further, she grabbed any clothes within her reach and threw them over herself. Shutting the door when she was mostly covered, she could have sworn she could hear laughter coming from the hallway.

A loud crash and splintering tore through the air. She knew it was her front door. And now they were inside. 

Her hands slowly went up to cup around her mouth, trying to muffle her breathing as much as she could. Her body froze. Even when she already began to feel muscle cramps settling in, she dared not move. She forced herself to breathe slowly. Every inhale a struggle along with a reminder that she was still alive at this very moment. Even if she was convinced she wouldn’t be for much longer. 

The thought brought tears to her eyes. The original shock wears from her body and settles into something akin to despair. 

Her throat started clamping up, muscles seizing and throbbing with the need to cry. 

It was the thudding of footsteps that shook her out of it. Snapping her half way back into a nightmarish reality. 

She gulped. Closing her eyes and straining her ears for any information they were willing to receive.

Just as she thought. Two pairs of footsteps. 

With every thud of a shoe or a spike in their muffled talking, her body would tremble. 

It remained like this for a few more minutes. The footsteps or talking occasionally pausing. 

It was during one of these silences, where a different sound was heard. She couldn’t identify the exact sounds, just ones of commotion. They were still all muffled. And then she heard muffled yelling. 

It sounded so dulled, between the walls and layers of wood and clothes, she could barely make out anything, her ears straining for any hint as to what was happening. Being left in the dark like this, literally and figuratively, was terrifying her. 

And then this horrible, awful noise carried its way between the cracks in the wardrobe. Crunching. Cracking. Stomps. 

That muffled yelling from before kept getting cut off. Eventually dwindling down into a barely audible groan. Those thuds never seemed to stop either. Never ending, crunching, cracking, and now wet thuds. 

Her brain was trying its hardest to process, to catch up with the information that it has been provided with. 

More footsteps, only one pair, accompanied with muffled laughter. And a more distinct sound traveling through the air. 

A scream.

Even more laughter, hurried footsteps and pleas of ‘no’, ‘please’, ‘don’ts’. 

It was now, with the wet stomps still in the background, her screeching friend, that eager laugh, that her brain had finally caught up.

She was going to be sick.

They’re hurting them. Killing them.

Her friends.

Her body moved out of its own violation. Shaky hands and feet kicking and pushing their way out of the pile of clothes. Wardrobe door swinging open with a creak.

She collapsed out of it. Slumped on the floor, dry heaving. Her lungs not seeming to take enough air in but yet holding in too much. She couldn’t function. Fear overwhelmed every part of her. As well as grief. 

Her ears were ringing and she was left gasping, drool dripping onto the hard floor beneath her as a result of her attempted vomiting. Eyes wide open, blurry when she tapped back into her mind. 

Tears, clouding her vision and dripping audibly on the floorboards below her. 

In the distance she could hear muffled talking. Two men, she could make out more clearly. Not only that, but squelching, wet, gooey noises seemed to mingle in the air. Gurgling was the next before silence.

A minute passed, maybe two before the footsteps started up again. Those goddamn footsteps. 

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

But they were slower than before. Steady. Taking their time. 

And getting closer.

Her instincts kick in, blinking profusely to try and clear her eyes from the tears, looking up and darting around before landing on the space under her bed.

She wouldn’t have enough time to fix her spot back in the wardrobe. She couldn’t run past them, not even in her best state which she certainly wasn’t in right now. She had considered her bedroom window as an option, but it was locked, which would take time to open. Not even mentioning the fact she was on the third floor, so jumping out would break at least something important. They would be quick to notice as well, and if they came for her, it was likely they would decide to chase her down.

Under her bed seemed to be her best option at the moment, and she was running out of time. Scrambling as quietly as she could, she slid herself directly under her bed, trying to center herself in the middle of it, tucking herself into a tight ball.

The footsteps stopped right outside her bedroom door, she had enough sense to shut it on her way in, thank god. But that clearly wouldn’t be enough to stop them. 

Almost as if the person was teasing her, they slowly clicked the door open. The distinct creak she had grown accustomed to over the months making itself known. 

Her muscles are tense, tightening in the presence of her predators. 

In the dark space from under her bed and in her room, it was obvious when the light from inside the hallway started spilling in the more the door got pushed open. In the vague depths of her mind it registered that they must’ve either turned the hall lights on, had taken one of her lanterns,  or were carrying one of their own.

Her lungs were burning with the effort to keep her body running with the little air she was allowing them to have, all for the sake of trying to keep quiet.

It was all too silent once again, only for a second or two before the second pair of footsteps came towards her. A lot more hasty compared to the other ones. 

Her breath silently hitched, the new person pushed their way into the room, stepping past their company before a thunk was heard. The sound forced her body to startle, jolting her muscles and kick starting her trembling again. An uncontrollable reaction to the fear she was under, the unrelenting motions causing a deep ache in her ribs.

The sound of rustling was now heard. It seemed they were looking for something. ‘They’re going to kill me. They’re digging around for a weapon to stab me with, to bash my head in, to murder me like they did my friends. I’m dead. I’m dead, I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdead-’

Her racing thoughts consuming her fear riddled mind failed in picking up the sound of the other pair of footsteps slowly creeping round to the end of her bed. 

The person paused, silently crouching down low before a pair of hands reached under.

The sudden tight grip on her ankles followed up by the sudden pull had her screeching. Pure terror flooding her veins. She had been yanked out from under her bed, lying sprawled on the floor and gazing up at the towering man stationed above her. 

Her lungs burned, seizing up before a sickening scream escaped her. Fuelled by genuine, unrestrained horror. 

They had found her.

One of her lanterns they had brought in illuminated his face in a haunting light. The darkened shadows stretching and contorting behind him to create the most grim image for her mind to paint. Not that it was far off.

A foot standing on either side of her hips, straddling her if it wasn’t for his standing position. Hands nestled comfortably back in his trouser pockets now they had done the job of retrieving her. A comfortable looking long-sleeved shirt adorned his figure. Dark splatters starting from the bottom of his shoes and creeping their way up his legs, tapering off into a few spots that painted one of his cheeks.

An easy smile softly ingrained on his face, followed by gentle looking eyes peering down at her if it wasn’t for the malicious spiral she found herself paralyzed in. Dark locks of hair extended down his back, past where she could see from her position, with the top layers sectioned off and tied back into a bun.

His mouth opened and he spoke. “Well, well. Look what I’ve caught for us Satoru.”

Satoru. The other man must be Satoru Gojo, and this was Suguru. Suguru Geto. The most popular guys she knew, the supposedly kindest. And then staring in the library, the walk back from the shops, the gossip her most likely dead friend had told her.

Her body suddenly felt like it was pumped full of adrenaline. Pushing herself up as fast as she could, using the bed as support all the while stumbling over her numb riddled legs. She took off, running towards the open door she so desperately wanted to pass through. 

A sudden arm snatched her from around her waist and she screeched. Pure instinct driving her at this point as she scratched and kicked and flailed in his, Satoru Gojo’s, hold.

The sound of something dropping before his other arm came round, collecting both her wrists in one hand of his. His grip tightened the more she fought. Her body pressed tight against his, her back to his front. His head situated itself on her shoulder, tucking over and pressing his cheek to hers even while she cried and panted and kicked.

She could feel his grin pressing against the side of her face. “Such a pretty little thing we have here. Can’t let her get away so easily now, can we? Not after all the trouble we’ve gone through.” The last part practically whispered into her ear as she turned her face as far away as possible from him. 

A little laugh boasted out from Geto. “Of course not.” He strolled over to them, bending down to pick up what Gojo had dropped in order to restrain her.

Rope.

Fucking rope.

The moment her eyes zoned in and processed what Geto was unravelling in his hands she tried to fight back even harder. Eyes flooding with tears that spilled down her cheeks. Short mumblings of ‘no’ being repeated over and over while becoming louder until she was yelling. 

“Please don’t do this! Let me go! Please, please.. Stop!” She shrieked while sobbing, convinced they were going to kill her or torture her or something horrible like that.

Gojo walked the two of them to the edge of her bed before forcefully pushing her down, manhandling her onto her front and bending her arms to rest pressing against her back.  

She sobbed into her ruffled sheets as she felt Geto fastening the rope tight around her wrists, the rough material digging into and pinching the sensitive skin. Raw and red marks already forming amidst her struggle. 

Her legs still hung off the bed, trying their best to kick and hopefully injure one or both of them, but she knew it was a losing battle. None of her landing blows made them falter in any way.

When her wrists were successfully restrained Geto kept them pressed to the small of her back while Gojo let go and reached down to grab her ankles. Pulling them up and bending her legs at the knees while they both worked in finishing the task of tying her up.

When they finally stepped back to admire the work they’d successfully done, Y/n deflated. Tears soaking into her bed in which she rested on top of. Her lungs still burned, having never stopped. The hogtied position she had been forced into leaving her nothing to work with in terms of escaping. Not that she could think clearly anyway. The distress she was under proved too much.

“Oh, Shh Sh Sh… There, there, sweet thing. Settle down for us now. We aren’t going to kill you.” Cooed, who she could only guess right now was Gojo.

Geto reached forward from his position of kneeling on the bed, gentle soothing pets stroking her hair. Her sobbing tapering off into hiccupped breathing even while flinching with every touch. “There you go, good girl. See that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

He pulled away from her, stepping down off the bed and heading towards the previously discarded bag on the floor Y/n hadn’t noticed before..

Y/n slowly turned her head round, no longer pressed into her sheets. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, swollen from all the crying she’d been doing. Little hiccups and groans left her while her lungs tried to recover. She’d given up struggling right now, it had done nothing but cause her pain as the rope dug and squeezed the skin of her wrists and ankles. 

Gojo piped up from behind her, only now feeling the heat from his legs pressing into hers causing her to flinch. “You know, this would’ve gone a whole lot easier if you had just let us in sweetheart.” She could practically hear the smug smile in his voice. “Look at where you are now, tied up all pretty for us. Ripe for the taking.” He pressed closer to her at that, voice practically dripping with need. 

She whined in fear and started squirming at his words. Panic flooding her senses again for just a second before a sharp tug to her hair had her yelping, halting her movements.

“I thought I told you to quit that.” Geto was back to kneeling on the bed in front of her, his hand gripping tight onto her hair, eyes narrowed. 

Her bottom lip trembled, breaths picking up with every second he glared down at her. 

“Don’t be so mean, Sugu.” Gojo said, a teasing lilt in his voice. 

Geto glanced back at him before humming and letting go of his harsh grip, her scalp burning in turn. “I suppose you’re right. She’ll have plenty of time to learn when we take her back home.”

Gojo hummed and she felt him leaning away from her, hearing him crouch down and fiddle with something from the bag as well. 

“Back home?..” She stuttered, voice hoarse and throat dry.

Geto looked back down at her, amusement painting his face. “Yes. Home.”

“Where..” She started, face formed in a twist of concern and confusion. “Please.. I.. Just let me go. I won’t- I won’t tell anyone, I’ll- I’ll leave you alone, I’ll do anything, please..” She gasped out, tears gathered freshly in her eyes again, voice cracking every few seconds. 

An amused eyebrow raised with the hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth was all she got as a response. 

Gojo had come back, reaching round and fastening a strip of duct tape around her mouth in a sudden flurry of movement. Giving her no time to process what he had done until after he had done it. 

She cried out, the sound muffled thanks to the tape, worried eyes darting around in panic as she tried squirming again for the third time. 

Gojo pressed up behind her once again. “You’re not going anywhere, sweet pea! You’re ours now. We’ve had you picked out for a long time now.” The joy in his voice didn’t fail to put her on edge, his words doing their part in helping the tears gathered in her waterline to finally spill down her cheeks. Wetting the tape situated over her lips.

“He’s right.” Geto replied. Bringing one of his hands up to show what he had collected from the bag a few moments ago. The mobile phone in his hands glowed brightly in the dark room, the lamp from before having been moved, the light now dim.

“We’ll bring you back with us soon enough, but we still have a few more hours to kill before that. And why waste them.” Gojo said, the grin in his voice unsettling her, keeping her frozen in fear.

An easy smile pulled at Geto’s cheeks at that, head tilting to the side to gaze down at their pretty prey. 

“Well what are you waiting for then, Satoru?”

A pause. Smile pulling into a predatory grin.

“Have at it.”

[fortheloveofexy]

I love this so much!! You can see so much of their personalities in these

Kevin's is practiced and sharp, like he spent time practicing his autograph, training it to be picture perfect for an Exy star. The little "loser" font seems to have been written by another Fox (maybe Neil, or perhaps Matt), as if trying to get a rise out of him

Andrew's is bold and loud, large and aggressive. Taking up as much space as possible, looming large as a presence in order to defend his own space and dominate the page. The edges are sharp and jagged, sort of like his rough edges.

Matt's is rounder and friendly looking, readable and easygoing. Not to be overlooked but not trying to outshine everyone either.

Neil's is odd and jagged, and strangely sharp. A little out of place in a way that doesn't quite add up. The letters oddly stilted as if he has to pause for second to remember the spelling, the name not quite second nature yet. Andrew clearly wrote the 100%

Aaron's is small and contained, like he's trying to avoid notice. The complete opposite of his brother's. It also resembles a doctor’s prescription scrawl.

Dan’s is confident and memorable. She’s noted her Exy number, representing her hard-earned spot as the Foxes’ captain that defied everyone’s expectations.

Allison’s is elegant and pretty, the little heart on the i hinting towards her more feminine tendencies. It too seems practiced, as if at some point in her life she had to perfect her handwriting to meet familial expectations.

Renee’s is neat and contained, without any extra flair more than necessary. Her signature is as polite and mild-mannered as her outward personality, but the closed loops and barely legible vowels seem to imply that she’s hiding something.

Nicky’s is loud and chaotic. Notably, he’s left off his last name, almost as if he’s subconsciously distancing himself from the estranged family members he shares it with.

signatures of foxes

[mlynar-nearl]

i find it astounding that you have a system for this. i mean, not to say that i pull randomly, i do save for mostly lims only (the only one i lack would be nian herself actually) but i am seldom ever able to save up that much (175?? insane), its mostly about 80 to 100 for each banner. although i will say that i did pull for certain characters i like or found meta like thorns/surtr/gnosis/passenger but it did cost me which means im always fumbling for pulls at the end of each limited banner. ever since w banner where i dumped over 200 pulls for pots (why??) i have been more stringent with my saving but ive never actually saved that much. do you have monthly card or is it just somehow pure f2p things (do you use op? im genuinely curious how do ppl save this much when im always poor) ?

ah and yes gachas are exploitative in nature, but at this point of time, it is what it is tbh, i only choose to whale in games where i genuinely like the game to bits (read: honkai) or i support them in other manners, such as merch (i buy the ak anniv boxes every year !) but yeah gachas are honestly very predatory now its scary ngl. but genshin is cool :) i dont play anymore but i might come back just for kaveh (,,,,i love him so much,,,) and abt mhy games i would rec tears of themis ! if you like pretty men yeah thats my only excuse </3 the men are pretty i am gay but i can sure as hell appreciate the very pretty men hehe. perhaps i will sleep soon it is almost 3.30am so its probably my last ask of the day (?) ty for the consistent replies !

yeah of course! i use monthly card which helps and i buy some stuff around the anniversaries and such which helps, but limiting my possible moves helps Psychologically.

funny you say that ab kaveh because my roommate lured me in to genshin with alhaitham. we call it alhaithamquest because i played the game to get alhaitham, build alhaitham, and put alhaitham in Situations. i am up to the last object on that list. i'm putting him in SO many situations. kaveh and alhaitham fascinate me. i love autistic characters and love/hate relationships and i love how kaveh asks if youre hired actors. i just wish more people in sumeru were dark-skinned...alhaitham should be brown...they couldnt make him a moc because then hed be the optimal character i Think. genshin's plot and such doesnt feel nearly as robust to me as arknights but it is good fun, and i cant begrudge it that. also i think it has some of the funniest plot setups ever because the whole "zhongli helps you plan his own funeral" thing is literally comic gold to me. i'm not taking genshin too seriously admittedly considering the Scatman Diluc Incident but i like it that way. keeps the brain mold away.

hope you sleep well btw<3

[kuroosdumbslut]

But hear me out, hawks with an s/o, where there was a villain attack and they were a victim of it, and hawks hears that they were injured and in the hospital they had to lose a leg, so he tries to help them as much as possible but it’s a lot for his s/o to handle and he just breaks down cause he was so scared to lose them

*i love how when i read this, i immediately had an image in my mind of what would happen akdbskg*

Hawks:

it was one of his rare days off, and originally he had planned to get some chores out of the way

however, his entire day changed when he got a call from the hospital, letting him know you were injured during a villain attack

they wouldnt tell him the extent of your injuries till he got there, so he made haste and flew in record time to the hospital

he couldnt go back to see you immediately, seeing as when he got there you were already in surgery

one of the nurses did update him on your condition and what had to happen

“They’re going to have to have their leg amputated; it was too far gone to even try saving. They’re stable, but will have to stay over for a few weeks to monitor their condition.”

he was so sad...he knew the risks of being a hero, but you were so strong! and now here you were, a new amputee that can’t come to the safety of your shared home for a while because of some fucking villain

it was several hours before he could finally go back and see you, and once he was finally alone with you is when he actually fully broke down

the only terribly injured part of you was your one leg and part of your left shoulder, and he made sure to avoid those areas when he pulled you into a tight embrace, silently sobbing into your neck

you could hear him mumbling frantically against your skin about how he was so sorry you had to get hurt and how scared he was

“i coulda lost you, kid!” “im fucking shaking, kid, im so fucking sorry”

inbetween the sobbing and mumbling, he pressed small kisses all over your face and neck

it felt like he was trying to have some form of physical contact with you to make sure you were really there

hawks badgered the doctors and nurses to let him stay with you overnight, at least for the first three days

afterwards, he reluctantly went back to stay at the house...but he was there for every physical therapy appointment, every prosthetic appointment and fitting, and he visited as often as he could

when you do finally get to go back home, you’ll notice some improvements made to the house to make it more accessible for you, as well as a new little exercise area, similar to the ones they had you do in rehab

keigo just wants to be there for you 100% 🥺

[xxxxhannyxxxx]

Dancing Dreams

Chapter 1

(I would love some feedback especially since i decided to start writing again, I will also be working on re-writing My Han Fanfiction and making it better, Thank you)

Synopsis ..... As a 20yr old born and raised in Busan South korea, you finally moved forward in your life and managed to Join The Best Dance company out there. You make Friends you could never forget and so many memories you will cherish in your life. Your love Life will blossom and the sturggles of life will finally reach its peak. Will you manage to get through it or get overwhelmed by evrything and everyone ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was an early Monday morning, the sun rays were shinning through the cracks in your curtains perfectly lighting your face. "its too early for any of this" you groan and turn over to the other side where the sun dont shine. "Y/N get up youre going to be late!" your mom yelled at you from the kitchen. You turn back around and sluggishly sit up right, criss-cross apple sauce still half asleep and slouching forward. "Thats right" you thought to yourself, "Todays the first day of my dance class" you check your phone and time reads 7:34am. You get up and start making your way to the bathroom still dragging your feet, but you couldnt help but feel butterflies in your stomach. you make your way to the bathroom and brush your teeth, then your face and you apply lotion " you cant forget to take care of your face" you say as you laugh. You walk towards your closet wondering what to wear. your closet was full of black and white, not really any other color because brights just wasnt your thing. you decide to go with some black sweats, a white crop top and some white Filas. you decide to keep your hair down, kinda wavy and grab a hair tie for later. you head down stair and you can hear the sizzling of possibly bacon or sausage and the smell of toast. Your mom had breakfast ready for you, two eggs over easy just the way yiu love em, two strips bacon and some white toast. " Thank you, if you wouldnt have made me breakfast i would have gone on coffee for the whole day" you say wiith a moutful of toast. You tend to live off of coffee, not a day goes by without it. once you finished eating, you grab your keys and head out "Bye mom, ill see you later" you say as you turn around and wave good-bye.

You hop in your car, plug in your phone and start listening to some of your favorite tunes. The first song that plays is Enhypens Given-taken "Wake up in day one, cheonnare achim jomyeongin bichweo taeyange nunbit" you sing, using your vocal chords to their full extent. Next played Aespas- Next level which lead to ITZYs Mafia. You pull up to a starbucks and lower your music, "Hello welcome to starbucks, what can i get started for you today?" The employee asks cheerfully this morning. "Hello can i get a Venti Iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso and extra caramel" It was your go to drink, just the perfect amount of espresso and caramel mixed together. "Of course, is that going to be all for today?" she asked, "Yes ma'am, thank you" she tells you the price and you pull up the window, you grab your drink and head off straight for the dance studio. A couple more songs played through, you jammed out to Nct, Exo, A.C.E, Oneus and so many other groups and then you finally arrived. Your heartbeat accelarated slightly just at the thought that you finally get to start your dance classes.

When you were just ten years old you found k-pop, it was music you had never listened to but your curiosity got the best of you. From finding TVXQ you were slowly dragged down the K-pop hole but it was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to you. From then on 3yrs went by, you were finally 13 and you thought to yourself that you wanted to be a dancer and that someday you would be a back up dancer or a choreographer for the idols you look up to. You asked your mom to sign you up for dance classes , she agreed and signed you up for modern dancing, from then on you moved on to hip-hop, contemporate and breakdancing which was honestly possibly the hardest to learn, who knew breakdancing could make you feel like you could break yourself in a heart beat. And thats how you got here, you auditioned to join Dream Team dance studio, one of the hardest to pass and yet you managed to make it through, but the price for this dance class was pretty high so you also planned on getting a part time job.

You finally turned off your car and started heading towards the building, since you were still new here you had to follow sign procedures and which classes you would be available for and suited for. You headed towards what seemed to be the front desk but didnt see anyone there. "Hello?" you called out, and then a girl peeked her head out the corner of her office "Hello sorry i didnt hear you walk in" she said very sweetly " what can i do for you today?". You open your bag and pull out the paperwork you had to fill out Prior to your first day "Oh, i am new here and today is going to be my first day starting my dance classes" you hand her the papers and she goes through, she tells you to give her a quick minute and she walks back to the office, she comes back with a lanyard and keycard attached " Welcome to DT, Heres your badge" she hands the item over to you and you seemed kinda confused " oh, sorry let me explain. So we do get certain people who come thorugh to practice at times and we use this badge so that any unwanted personal dont just barge through wihtout permission. we really do want our dancers to feel safe and comfortable in this enviroment" its like she read your expression. So many questions came to mind of who could possibly come to this studio, Idols seems to cross your mind but you just push it away because it only happens ever so rarely. "Thank you so much, ill make sure not to lose this", you start to head towards the doors and turn around because it totally slipped your mind to ask what room your class was in. “im sorry, but what room will i be heading to?” you ask. “ oh, right i guess we forgot, you will be headed to  floor 7 room c” - she chuckles. You start to make your way back to the double doors then you hear her say " if you lose the badge, its a $100 fee to replace it", You grab the badge tighter knowing that thats alot of money just to replace it. You excitedly scan your badge and make your way through the double doors, as soon as you walk through you see a cafeteria  to your right and a mini market to your left. You walk towards the cafeteria and see that they also have a cafe in the corner. “oh hell yeah, i can grab myself some coffee anytime i want now’” you think to yourself as you sip on your starbucks.   You turn around and starts making your way to the elevators, as you walk back you overhear a group of girls chatting about floor 7, you stop in your tracts to listen in a little more, you werent trying to eavesdrop but you were still new here and wanted to know what they had to say about the floor your class is in.  They started talking about how the rumor about idols showing up at the dance studio was true but the only floor they ever go to was floor 7, since floor 7 was were the best choreographers were located. You start to walk away slowly picking up your pace because in your head that was impossible, you werent notified exactly of who the special personal was. You thought maybe you should have asked more in depth questions, but you didnt because you were so excited. You finally make a stop at the elevator doors almost running straight into them,you push the up arrow button and the doors open. When you head inside you push level 7 but on the mini screen it says Please scan badge. You grab your  badge slightly shaking and scan, you get approved and the doors close.  The  elevator starts to go up and you are so deep in your thoughts you start thinking out loud. You start pacing back in forth asking yourself if what the girls were saying  was true. The last thing you needed was for an artist to show up and make a fool out of yourself, at this point you have your arms up in the air and you dont notice that the elevator stopped on floor 3. As you turn around you see three different males standing infront of the levator staring at you, all three were in black masks and some sort of hat making it hard to notice their faces. You make eye contact with one and the realise your arms are still up in the air. “oh my god, i am so sorry” you say as you are still panicking. The one on the left giggles to himself, the one on the right is unphased but the one in the center kept eye contact with you. You  could barely utter another word, but you manged to scoot over and make room for the three of them. You are so embarassed you face away and place your head against one of the elevator walls. You see that one of them goes to push floor 7 as well but they realise that floor number 7 is already chosen. They look over and notice that you also have a badge that lets you in the top floor but they leave it at that. The ride from floor 3 to floor 7 seemed like it was taking forever, and you couldnt believe that on your first day you managed to make a fool out of yourself. You finally reach floor 7 and the elevator doors open. You make your way out first   and walk as fast you can to room C, the  boys follow behind. With your mind still racing you walk straight passed room C  unknowingly that you almost run into a window at the end of the hall.  As soon as you come to a stop you hear, “ You do know thats a window, and not a door right?” he says with a mocking tone. “ oh yeah, i knew that, i just wanted to take in some sun” you say as you turn back around and go straight for room C.  “Hyunjin, youre going to be late for our dance class” han says  after opening the door to room A, “Sorry, i just wanted to take in some sun” he giggles to himself.

You have eyes looking at you from running in and closing the door shut, your face lights up red "I'm sorry". You continue to walk in and the dance room catches your eye, its so spacious, the walls painted an oxford blue, and a set of two clear window that reach from top to bottom on the left. "First time here i see" one of the girls calls out to you, "oh yeah, this dance room is nice" you are in complete awe. "i was the same way the first time i walked in this room, by the way if you dont mind me asking, what was that all about earlier?" she cocked her head to the left. "oh that~, so i made a complete fool of myself infront of these guys who were on the elevator with me, i guess i was so nervous that i also almost walked into the window at the end of the hall until one of them called out to them" you say with a slight laugh as you look down on the floor. "Oh geex, i would have probably done the same. So whats your name?", "my name is Y/N, whats yours? you ask, "Oh my name is Elizabeth but you can call me Eli, i hope we can be good friends from now on". As soon as she finished the doord behind us opened, "Hello, it seems like everyone here seems aquianted, well lets get started from where we left off. Hello you must be y/n, i have heard alot about you from our scouts who were at the auditions." She says with a very curious tone, you can feel all eyes on you. "He-hello" you tense up slightly just at the thought the teacher knows who you are. The class officially starts and everyone seems to have gone to their places, you make your way towards the back of the class to watch the dance everyone one learned last semester. You watched them practice a couple times before you joined in. After going through the dance a couple more times Eli looks at you in awe "I can see why you were accepted into classes in the 7th floor, youre really good"

  Classes proceeded for the rest of the day that time went by so fast, it was already 7pm and it was time to go home. "So i believe i will be seeing you tomrrow?" Eli asked, "Definitely, i had so much fun today and im so excited for the rest to come. I might stick around to practice just a little more" You say with enthusiasm in your voice. Eli leaves while waving back and youre the only one left in the room. You walk up to the radio and plug in your phone through the aux chord, you scroll through your playlist you are debating between Enhypen- given taken, TXT- Puma and Starykids latest release Thunderous. You decide to go with thunderous since you just had decided to change the end because you crouched down and walked foward by yourself it would look funny. You finally finished making the end and finally remmebering it so you decide to finally run through the whole dance. After dancing Thunderous a couple times you finaly drop down tired, you hear the door open behind you and turn around to see who could possibly still be here and to your suprise its the 3 mysterious men from earlier. "You're really good, did you make the ending for Thunderous?" asks the one with the medium length black hair, his voice sounds so familiar but you cant seem to remember who it could be. "Oh uhm, yes i did. i kinda figured if i danced it alone i would look stupid" You giggled to yourself "Like imagine crouching down and doing this?" you start to do the ending of the dance, "Youre right, haha it would look kinda funny" Says the one on the left, and again his voice also sounds very familiar but you really cant remember. " I guess we should introduce our selves, My name is Changbin, Seo Changbin" Your eyes widen, "Hi My name is Jisung, Han Jisung. But don't tell anyone you saw us" He shoots a wink. "Well i guess it my turn, My name is Hwan hyunjin, and if you ever feel like Getting some sunshine again Make sure not to try to run out the window" He laughs to himself. Youre face flushes red, You barely manage to even Speak. Did i really just make a full of myself infront of STRAYKIDS?!?! Is the only thought running through your head.

[thesolotomyhan]

narcos: dating them would include: poison hc

ok wow so i hope this is what you guys were looking for? it’s long as usual :)- so,, read away!

Tags: @fandomnerd16​ , @visintaes​ , @sheeshgivemeabreak​ 

Warnings: NSFW! 

roberto ramos- ‘el poison’, ughh even his name has me sweating-

let me just say, you would be his one, his ONE weakness,, even though he will never admit it, tough bby

but every single one of the guys from the medellin cartel see it otherwise when they see  his small shift in behavior when he’s in the room with you-

the most loyal mf in Colombia,

like if he’s going to be loyal to Pablo Escobar until his last breath, I can’t even imagine the amount of loyalty and respect he would have for you-

will never have eyes for anyone else after you- he honors you,, 

he would have so much love for you whenever he looks at you, just having the urge to smother you in kisses every time he sees you walk by,,

but having the hard exterior that he has, especially in front of the other hitmen, he won’t ever show his softness public,

he’d just give you a small grin and maybe a tap on the ass when you pass by him,,

“que paso, mamacita?”-

ok, but taking you to clubs for your dates is his favorite thing to do with you :))

just, the way you both would turn heads when you walk in together,, showing up with the biggest smiles for only one another,, wow

He will never leave your side no matter what, too, he always has his arm around your shoulders, or holding your hand as he escorts you about towards the table where the rest of the sicarios are at, waiting for the both of you,,,

he wouldnt need to introduce you to any of them because they know who you are, youre apart of their bond,

and also because you keep poison in a good mood, he’s always easy going when your around,

i can imagine when you get tired of sitting around with him,, you’ll pull on his arm, telling him you want to dance,,, just the way he’ll fucking smile at you, not hesitating to get up,,

and the way the rest of the sicarios just start to laugh at whipped poison has him turning around, threatening them like,,

“Cállense, o les meto un plomazo a todos, huevones”-

wOW, him giving you his jacket when your cold, he’ll wrap it around you, giving you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, hugging you into his side again….

his kisses: he doesn’t mind giving you forehead kisses but he would probably save the intimate kisses until its only the two of you, he prefers to be in private, so only you see that side of him :((

ok i feel like poison would want to keep his ugly sicario business as far away from you as possible but he also wouldn’t keep you in the dark with what he does, ya know?

like he’ll tell you that he had to go take care of some bum for pablo but he would never tell you how he did it, knowing that you don’t have to know those details,

he keeps it simple and minimized, not wanting to totally scare you away from him,,,

uggh, you would be the only one that can manage to get a crack of a smile out of him in front of others,,,like a genuine one,

he’s always on edge and serious because he never knows when someone will try to pull something,

but you just have a way letting him naturally relax a little and have his eyes shine the very moment he looks at you, the small heart eyes he has, omg

protective poison: no one, and i mean no one from medellin would dare disrespect you unless they want to be meeting the end of poisons gun-

he would feel like he failed you in some way if he sees you upset, just walking up to you, gently grabbing your tearfilled face,,

“que hijo de puta tengo que matar ahora, mi cielo?”- fuck  the way he’ll never raise his voice at you no matter what-

but he would personally murder anyone who dared hurt a speck of hair on you, making sure you never experience that pain again-

i can imagine poison being someone to call you randomly whenever he has time throughout the day, just checking in on you, wanting to know what youve been doing, or if you want to go on a date tonight, just spontaneously-

it makes his mood brighter just hearing your voice, even if it’s through the phone,,

the little smile he has when you call him mi amor or something, just,,,, you make him feel so many emotions he didn’t think he had, he can’t help but love you even more if it’s possible,,, :((

im giggling, i can see him being pissed off at sure shot for doing some dumb shit, just yelling at him like “por que es tan putamente dificil seguir las ordenes del patron, pues”, just ready to strike at him-

But then his phone would ring and just, his voice becoming all normal because youre on the phone, “que paso, cariño?”

the first few times that happened, the guys would be so confused because his attitude would go from 100-0 in a second, theyre just like ??? whats happening?

but then once he hangs up, he’s going straight back to being pissed at them, probably telling them to hurry up and follow the fucking orders this time because he has to go pick up some groceries for you afterwards-

just, the hint of soft poison showing- my heart 

he would probably have a gun for you at home,to defend yourself if he's not there just in case,,  because he would destroy all of Medellin before someone would hurt you, his family.

NSFW:

alright,so I don’t see poison being someone to “make love”, he’s a top sicario, he’s tough and kills people for a living, he doesnt do soft sex-

he’s here to ruin you, leave you throbbing and aching even before he’s done with you-

poison’s a dom, he’s having you weakly pushing him away, pleading to him that you cant take it anymore from all the pleasure he’s giving you.

but then him just grabbing your hands, pinning them to the bed over your head or behind your back,,

nibbling on your jaw as he continues to push into you again, your raspy moans and impulsive rise of your hips only encourage him more,,

“vos si puede, yo te conozco, mi cielito” omg 

like, nothing pleases him more than seeing you constantly lose your mind, beneath him,,

creasing your eyebrows and moans of his name leaving your mouth,, as your hand wanders down to your lower stomach where you swear you feel him as he pounds into you-

the intense stare he’ll give you when begging gaze meets his,, your vision becoming blurry as he picks up his pace- wow

ok but did i mention blowjobs? because this man loves them, he’s selfish when it comes to having you on your knees for him with your mouth stuffed from his cock, one of his favorite views

he has to be standing because it makes you feel more vulnerable as he stands all tall, looking down at you, and how your always willing to pleasure him so easily,,,

“hijo de puta-“

just him grabbing fistfulls of your hair as he leans his head back, steadily thrusting into your mouth while you gag on him when you take him all in your mouth, oK

can you imagine welcoming him home after he’s been gone all day, like just waiting for him by the door in this lingerie you bought that day to surprise him or fuck it even being naked for him as he walks in through the door,

just him slightly pausing, taking you in and smirking when he locks eyes with you,

“Esta es la sorpresa que vos me dijo de?”

he’s already striding towards your giggling form as he guides you back into the nearby wall, his hands wandering all over your body as your hands come to tangle into his soft styled hair,,,

wall sex, ok hear me out-

he would be too caught up in the moment that you would wear a lingerie for him, just waiting for him to come home to surprise him,,, that he couldnt wait to be inside of you,

and especially with the way your desperately trying to take his clothes off,, pulling him closer, not wanting to break away from him,,,

he’ll be picking up one of your legs, resting it in his arm, overwhelming you with his kisses, not bothering with taking off your underwear, just moving it to the side-

driving his hips up into yours while you throw your head back onto the wall, letting out a moan of his name as he sinks his teeth into your neck-

Wow, the way he’ll keep your body up when he’s repeatedly ramming into you, nothing but the slapping of skin and your moans filling the room,

it has you seeing stars for hours even when you cant stand up anymore,,,

just, hanging onto him for dear life when he reaches in between your bodies with his rock hard cock still inside of you, flicking your oversensitive clit, as you tug on his hair, i-

omfg, let me tell you about the idea of wearing just his leather jacket,

like maybe there was a time where he caught you wearing it with nothing but your underwear, or maybe its just the idea of you wearing his things that arouses him the most,,

but, padre santo, the way he pounds into you at a unforgiving pace, watching the way your writhing body sheens with sweat under his jacket-

youre letting out loud sighs of his name, just getting drunk off of the smell of his cologne thats still on his jacket, the way the cool of his ring on his hand feels, wrapped tightly around your neck,

his other hand would grip your thigh, as he looks down and watches as your body takes in his cock so eagerly-

god, everything just feels 10x hotter because the leather of his jacket would start to stick to your body,,

his thrusts never once losing momentum even if he’s made you cum multiple times already and your just grasping your own hair, not knowing what to hold onto anymore, i-

Poison cant even look at you the same way anymore when you wear his leather jackets over your outfits when your out with him,,,

he’s just imagining how he had you on your back last night, powerless, crying his name out loud, he he held you in place to stop you from squirming away,,

your shaky legs, struggling to stay spread apart for him as he watches your tits bounce through his jacket after each of his thrusts- im sorry i had to 

quickies in the car,,,,, that is a thing in your relationship, and it would be the only time he would let you be on top-

he’s busy all the time,,, like he’s constantly around Pablo all day, following orders left and right, that he just needs a quick fix,,,

just something about watching you desperately bounce on top of him pleases him,,,,

he would have a bruising grip on your hips, bringing your body up and down on top of his cock, leaving marks on your breasts,,,

your hands would be on his chest, your nails digging into him,, just trying to meet his rough thrusts,,, squeezing your eyes shut at times because it feels so good,,,

it has you fogging up the windows, the air becoming thick from both of your heavy breathes,, as neither of you look away from each other,ok

[smutty-ki113r]

I will definitely share my experience with you if it makes you feel motivated!!!!!

Now, first of all, it took me a WHILE to finally shift. AND LMFAO THE FIRST TIME I SHIFTED I GOT SCARED AND WENT BACK TO MY CR AND I WAS SO PISSED, but like after a couple more tries I finally was able to shift again and omfg it gave me euphoriaaa I almost didn't want to leave but I love my friends and family in my CR too much.

When I went back to my CR though I was EXHAUSTED, so that's why I recommend taking care of your body and nourishing it correctly before you shift because there's a 99% chance that when you wake up your body will feel like crap if you don't.

The process of shifting was so aggravating, everytime I would try shifting my body would give me the signs that it was working and I would get too excited and just jump up only to be disappointed smhsmh.

Also I have this dumb thing where I always feel like there's tiny things crawling all over me and it always fucks with me when I shift. Even when I'm trying to sleep normally it pisses me off because I'm always feeling likes there's ants on me or some shit.

I honestly don't shift very often, only when I really feel like I want to, because it's really mentally exhausting and when I used to do it often I would end up getting realllyyy depressed when I wasn't in my DR and that's dangerous because I don't want to be obsessed with it and end up damaging myself. So if you do end up shifting, don't do it too often.

Anyway, when I first got into shifting and tried it out, these are things I was doing wrong:

- I wasn't taking care of my body

- I was doubting my abilities in shifting

- I wasn't meditating often

- I wasn't listening to subliminals throughout the day

Listening to subliminals often is importantttt, it helps to really engrave the shifting concept into your mind and meditating is extra important because if you want to shift healthily you're going to have to really give yourself that brain power/strength and clear away all the anxiety you have, the more you doubt your ability the shift the more your brain is going to pass on it.

Also I remember a time I was at a fucking sleepover and I decided to attempt to reality shift AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO MY FRIEND WOKE UP AND SLAPPED ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I DIED I-

It was frustrating.

The process is frustrating, but shifting is possible, and if you really really want to do it then you can. Keep encouraging yourself and keep researching and taking care of your body and your brain will finally get there.

Also, while you're in the process, it's also so important to NOT get distracting while you're shifting or get too excited. It will 100% mess you up. Shifting requires intense concentration and you need your body to be completely relaxed, only think about your DR and ONLY think about what will happen when you get there, will you smell or hear something, or will you open your eyes to something, it all depends on how you script it.

Also do whatever method works for you and try all kinds of methods, me personally I used a combination of the raven method, staircase method, and counting method while using a heartbeat subliminal. It may seem like a lot but it's what worked best for me personally.

Anyways, I hope this helped! ^^

👅

OK I finally have time to respond to this in DETAIL YAY! Btw, thank you so sososoosososs much for taking the time to write this out. Also you don’t have to read any of this, it’s just me talking about it lollll.

First off, UPDATE: bro I wasn’t trying to shift last night and then I was tired (3am) so I tried to sleep but couldnt so I listened to (DO NOT LAUGH ISTG) the song of unhealing cause its calming. And I started hearing this sort of muffled noise, I tried paying attention but couldnt make it out so I think it was voices. And then- holy lord I almost lost- wait no I LOST MY SHIT. I heard knocking, a fucking ACTUAL knock, I fucking. My whole body got so hot and I had to stop cause I was so excited I cried. Then I was exhausted so I went to sleep.

SECONDLY. I’ve never heard of your body being exhausted after so thank you for the tip. I used to be convinced I was there and then I wasn’t. FUCKING ME TOO! I think there’s a fucking dust particle on my arm and then an itch on my neck or something.

I have been scared of that too, because I have had (and I feel horrible saying this but it’s the internet and you dunno who I am) a very rough childhood. Maladaptive daydreaming and just pretending I somewhere else gave me a lot of trauma, especially in really bad situations. I think a huge part of why I haven’t shifted yet is because of the existential crisis I will most definitely have. I already obsess enough over this world, and now I’m trying to go? It’s hard, but I can’t NOT do it. If I stop then I won’t have a goal, and if I’m constantly going for something do I have a purpose? SEE? I can’t help it.

Ok so I’ve been trying for a while too, and I AM COMPLETLY CONFIDENT that I can do it, also that I do meditate every day! Taking care of my body is sort of a lost cause, I refuse to eat fruits and vegetivles (stupid I know) but I used to associate “healthy” foods with my *TW* an*rexia. Now I feed off pasta, also cause it’s cheaper. I sleep at 1 or 2am because why. Because I am 1. Writing and I need to post on schedule 2. Listening to music and imagining that I’m already in my dr. Or doing other unholy things. I can’t stop exercising, so Im constantly tired and heavy, I feel bad if I don’t/ do less. I have tried taking care of myself for years, it’s very, very hard.

You’re so right, I need to get the idea in my head and establish it. HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOURE DOING IT? Do you detach from your body? Or do you melt through your skin?

Hehehe I do tend to get excited, but my good voice tries so hard to hold me down. I have been trying to keep myself concentrated in creative ways, just focusing on the sound of the knocking, or the sound of the fan, or the person I’m trying to get to. The person I will fucking push myself to the edge for because I want him to have someone to love him. I want him to be ok.

I know I can do it, I know it’s possible, I know I will do it. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <3

[wri0thesley]

many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’. 

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

[shiningliive]

7th Stage Set List Speculation 

Tumblr hates tall images so please click to see in higher quality!

I put way too much time and effort into thinking up a possible set list for 7th stage, and I’m sure it’ll be way off, but I’m curious how close I can get. Some clarifications, other ideas, and explanations below the read more. Be warned, it’s very long.

*This is not an official set Utapri 7th Stage list, just speculation.

Basic Layout:

1. This is all assuming they want something similar-ish to Maji Love Kingdom, plus solos and other recent songs. I didnt want to just copy the Maji Love Kingdom set list and whack some solos in there

2. Another order I considered was similar to the 5th stage layout where they did ‘character 1 solo, character 2 solo, character 3 solo, song they did together.’ I do think this is definitely possible for 7th stage, and if they do do this, it could be, for example, Tokiya solo, Cecil solo, Yamato solo, Colourfully Spark. I mainly didnt use this for my primary example because I figured it might be odd if they arent doing Quartet Night Solos. 

3. Not very notable, but I also placed the solos in the order the boys are usually in (Otoya, Masato, Natsuki, Tokiya, Ren, Syo, Cecil) with the matching Heavens order. 

4. I did my best to not have too much focus on one group to the point where you dont see another at all until the second half or later. This happened with 6th stage with Heavens not even being introduced until an hour and 45 minutes in. There is a bit of a gap without Quartet Night as Heavens and Starish do their solos, but I feel like this is a bit unnavoidable, and tried to counterbalance it by having the shining masterpiece songs (no heavens) before the solos. 

5. Of this speculative set list, I consider Setsugetsuka-Michibiki Hikari to be the first half, and Up Down Up-Welcome to Utapri Kingdom (just realised I wrote welcome to utapri world in the graphic but you get me) to be the second half. This doesnt matter too much, but it could be split this way across discs or have an interlude inbetween. There are less songs in the ‘second half’ but it does end up being around the same length when you consider we usually get about 2 20 minute talks at the end.

Explanations:

1. I didnt include Quartet Night songs for a few reasons. Mainly because they dont have any new ones released lately and there have already been two QN only lives with qnlf being the most recent main live since 6th stage. It’s certainly possible that they might include some repeats of older QN solos, but this set list is already at the same length and amount of songs as 6th stage, so it would add enough extra time to make 7th stage too long. 

2. Obviously I didnt include a Nagi solo because Wingu isn’t able to attend 7th stage. I assumed this would not affect other song selections and that they will likely have other members fill in for his parts in group songs.

3. I was unable to figure out which new set of solos for Heavens and Starish they would use. I didn’t decide the ones used for any particular reason, so I wouldn’t at all be surprised if different solos than I wrote are used. 

4. I used Setsugetsuka as the opener song, because I thought it would not only allow for special outfits to be worn by Starish and Quartet Night that could be chanegd after their introductions, but it also saved time (instead of having one starish song and one QN song, theyre combined). It’s not quite an exciting booming start to the live, but it is a very well loved song by the fandom that hasnt been performed yet, and the first few notes are very recognisable. I can also imagine it fading nicely into a Heavens group song  I’m not sure about this choice, but I couldnt quite shake the idea, so I kept it. Wouldn’t be surprised if they started with the same three group songs as Maji Love Kingdom though. 

5. In general, I tried to consider things like outfit changes, the time of each song, having a first and second half that can be split onto two discs for dvd/bluray release, and most importantly perhaps, not having the same seiyuu perform too many times in a row to avoid them getting too exhausted.

6.  I found it very hard to place Encore. Unlike a lot of the other Mamo songs, it isnt exactly a hype, exciting song to start off a live (after the initial group songs) but it also doesnt really work in the middle after the solos, or towards the end. Having the song be called ‘encore’ and being played during the credits of Maji Love Kingdom really give that vibe that it should be an encore song.

7. I don’t think they would want 4 Quartet Night+Starish joint songs without Heavens (as it would cause a bit of an imbalance) so I figure they might do either the Shining CD 2 songs or the upcoming Black/White songs that are released shortly before the live. For now I’ve gone with Wonder Rondo and Dancing Over Night because we dont know the length of the Black/White songs.

 “Things that would be cool but probably won’t happen”:

1. I placed Encore towards the start of my set list, but theres something that I would love to see, no matter where its placed. If the song starts with Mamo singing, as expected, until about 30 seconds in when slowly all other seiyuu would walk on stage and join in. This would allow the song to be used as an encore with all seiyuu, or just help build variety and excitement to an otherwise (albeit intense) but slower more emotional song. It also lines up well with the songs build itself as well as the MV that slowly includes more and more people. 

2. More special outfits for Setsugetsuka and the Shining Masterpiece songs and more special outfits/performances in general. I think this is the reason why previous performances like Koizakura and other Shining Theatre songs are so memorable.

3. Pretty sure this one is almost 100% not happening, but, I want Sawashiro Miyuki as a guest to sing Maigo no Kokoro, Haru’s solo song from the first season of the anime. It’s so often forgotten, but its a beautiful song. This would also serve as a nice interlude for the boys to have an outfit change or change staging etc. 

4. I feel like there should maybe be a third encore song, but I couldnt choose a good one. It feels odd to not have 1000% or 2000%, so a version of them with all three groups is possible. If they are going to have a new version of an older song, I feel like a Mirai Chizu would be a great choice. Not only does it suit an encore (emotionally and lyrically speaking), but they haven’t performed it since 1st stage, and I feel like it could work really well with all groups together. Or it could be some kind of new medley or song entirely. 

5. Of course, there are 3 big things we’d all like to see announced at 7th stage. These being: a 5th season of the anime or some kind of sequel, Dolce Vita news, and a large scale update to shining live (eg, adding Heavens.)

Stats of my set list:

1. The total song time of my set list is 2 hours and 20 minutes with an hour and a half of extra time including a shining dancers or other interlude, introduction video, talks, about 5-10 seconds inbetween songs, audience encore call, and goodbyes. 

2. The final time of this set list would be about 3 hours and 48 minutes. 

3. For the performance on the 18th for example, doors open at 2pm, and 7th stage begins at 4:30. With this set list, it seems like it would end at about 8:15-8:30pm which allows for enough time to exit the dome before 9:00pm.

4. There are 33 songs in this set list (one talk is incorrectly labeled as an extra song in the graphic) which is the same as 6th stage.

For anyone who’s gotten this far, thank you. This is literally essay length and I wrote it in 50 minutes. It was a lot of fun thinking up this set list, so I’m excited to see if im at all accurate, or 100% wrong. Either way I’m so excited to see the actual set list. 

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[samwinchesterisourhero]

Sam WInchester: The Reluctant Hero

When we wonder in frustration, as to why Sam seems to suffer more than Dean does, instead of being angry at a narative bias, or assuming the show runners hate Sam, take into consideration that Sam and Dean, though equally heroic, are different types of heros  Dean is a willing hero. He has been proud of his job as a hunter since he was young, even if sometimes he was bored with it, or would have liked to persue a career as a machanic. From what we see in flash backs, Dean was boasting “Im a hero!” since high school, where Sam just wanted to be like every other kid.  Sam’s first choice in life is not to be a hero. Not directly anyway. He was studying to become a lawyer.  Azazel said he was becoming a Tax Attorney, but Dean saw him as a Criminal Justice Attorney in What is and What Should Never Be, which I think is more fitting for Sam. The indirect hero that would get justice for the victims. He would make a wonderful psycholigist also. Dean would be a very good cop, or soldier, or first responder.  This is not to say Sam wouldnt run into a burning building to save a family, he most certainly would, but his interests seem to lie mostly in long term after care. So for Sam to be in the front line with Dean, is something he does because its the right thing, not because it’s his chosen life path (early life anyway. he has stated in his later life that he did chose this life for himself) and this makes him a reluctant hero. The problem with that though, is that in literature, the reluctant hero always suffers the most. 

Its no argument that Dean suffers too. Both brothers have broken my heart on many occasions, but Sam’s suffering over any event, stretches far past the season he suffers it in. This is so we, the viewers, have an idea as to how much of a hardship Sam is willing to endure to save Dean and to save the world.  Sam and Dean both willingly went to Hell, but their experiences were greatly different, and unfolded on the show wildly unbalanced. Dean sold his soul for Sam, so Sam would live. He didnt want to go to Hell, but he did it willingly. in Dream a Little Dream, Dean said to his dream self, that he didnt deserve to go to Hell, and even though he made the choice on his own, I think we all feel like it’s a horrible punishment for a guy who just wanted his little brother to live. I know I hoped they could find a way to get him out of the deal, but unfortunately, he didnt. He stayed in Hell for 4 months, or 40 hell years. He was tortured by Alistair for 30 years until he became a torturer himself. Cas raised him out of Hell, completely whole, even old scars were gone, but we didnt know for a while that the memories were haunting him. How did we find out? Because he told Sam. He tearfully confessed to Sam on more than one occasion, what happened, what he did, what it felt like at the time and how it was hurting him then. What came of it is that he got to confront his torturer, and even though he couldnt kill him himelf, Sam killed him for him. Dean got justice.  Sam on the other hand, also willingly went to Hell to save the world, but he felt like he was mainly at fault for breaking the world in the first place, when it was expressed that it wasn’t only him, and he was completely unknowingly breaking it when he did. He obviously didnt want to go to Hell, but he felt it was the right thing to do. What he got for that though, was his soul in Hell, canonically, for 1.5 years, 180 Hell years. He was torured by Lucifer himself in the most brutal ways imaginable. Cas raised his body, soon after he went to the pit, but we arent given an exact amount of time, whether it be an hour or so, or a few weeks, we just know he was physically out for the majority of the year, but I can’t imagine 10 minutes in the cage with Lucifer is a picnic. However, he came back incomplete, without his soul, which endured unimaginable torture. If that’s not enough, while soulless, Sam did things he wasn’t proud of when he got his soul back, and suffered with this, Once he got his memories of Hell back, a whole new level of suffering began.  How was this handled? To our knowledge, he never told anyone the details of his Hell tour. All we know about it, was shown in flash backs and hallucinations, that ended up driving Sam insane. Sam was “fixed” by Cas, by simply shifting the pain to himself, not by Sam talking about it, or confronting his torturer, or anyone killing Lucifer.  Sam didnt get justice in any sense, and he still carries all of this with him. He has even had to work along side Lucifer to try to stop Amara. No one even brought this up, even though Sam had very recently been back to the cage and had to face Lucifer and the trauma all over again.  Season 13 and still Sam hasn’t been given justice or seen closure when Dean’s was answered in only a few episodes. How can we not see the imballance? Well, when we look at it as Sam is the long suffering Reluctant Hero, suck as it may, it makes more sense. It plays into the narrative that the pain piles on Sam, and Sam stuffs it down. We ourselves may forget this happens, if the show itself didn’t bring it up.  The case of Tracy Bell for example. A girl that pops up out of nowhere in 9x2 for no reason than to remind Sam that he let Lucifer out and people got killed. I know a bunch of you blame the writers of the episode for that, as though they hate Sam or Jared, but that was part of the Gardreel story. Something that the producers must have told the writers they wanted. “Bring something painful up from Sam’s past, so that when he feels good at the end of the episode, we can be reminded that theres an Angel healing him from the inside” is probably close to what was said in the meeting. We the viewers need to be reminded that Sam never lets things go, at the same time as he never really speaks of them either.  It took 13 seasons, but Dean confirms for us in 13x4 that Sam doesnt admit things or it makes them real, and then he has to deal with it. Sam even confirms it himself in 12X3 when he says he knows Mom is burying herself in hunting instead of dealing, through years of personal experience. Now that we understand this is part of Sam’s character, we can better understand why we dont get to see his emotional POV very often, and his traumas rarely get worked out.  The differences between Sam being the reluctant hero, and Dean being the willing hero, manifest in many ways.  Dean gets very antsy if its been a few days that they havent had a hunt to go on. Sam however, is content to stay home researching. Their short time of trying to live a domestic life with their girlfriends shows reluctant vs willing also. While Sam was with Amelia, he had nothing to do with hunting except reading the news paper and believing other hunters were taking care of things. He refused to tell Amelia about that part of his life. Dean didnt hunt, but he kept it at arms reach. He kept devils traps in the door ways, a rosary in water under the bed and a gun nearby, and he let Lisa know all about that part of his life, and even tried to live it and maintain a life with her.  Dean is the kind of guy who will show you every scar and tell you the details of how he got it, while Sam will hide his scars. Dean suffers when innocent life is lost, but he holds on to the fact that he’s saved more people than he’s hurt and it can help him make it day to day. Sam feels like he failed if he didnt save someone. This is precicely why Sam suffers the burdens of his wrongs for years,  and Dean doesnt. Dean did a lot of crap while he had the MoC but he hasnt had to visibly suffer from it after the fact. Sam however, is reminded of his poor choices for seasons after the fact. Now since its not a matter of Sam goes to jail for things and Dean doesn’t, we only need to realize its part of maintaining a character trait for us, so we dont forget that Sam never forgives himself and suffers for years over what he considers failures.  Now, this willingness vs reluctance shows in their relationship also. Im not going to try to prove one loves the other more, because I am convinced that Dean is #1 in Sam’s world and Sam is #1 in Dean’s world and they love each other as much as any two people can love each other (to steal from the mouth of JP) they both take care of each other, and neither had to be told to do so. Even when Sam was too little to actually take care of Dean, he still did the best he could by wanting to be with him, and giving him gifts. Dean didnt have to learn 100 ways to make mac and cheese, he did it because he wanted to make Sam happy. That being said, lets move on… Sam’s reluctance in their relationship, isnt that he loves Dean less, or doesn’t want to protect him, but his biggest fear is letting Dean down. He can save Dean’s life a million times but considers himself a failure if he let Dean down. Dean’s biggest fear however is Sam dying. He can let Sam down, he can piss him off, but if Sam isnt alive and well, Dean considers himself a failure. When Sam assumed Dean was dead in S8 and didnt look for him, he was going on a promise that he wouldnt look for him. Since we didnt get enough insight to Sam’s state of mind at the time, Im going to assume that Sam was crushed that Dean was dead, but for himself, it was more important, that he didnt let him down by breaking that promise. He saw how angry Dean was when Dean thought he made a deal that raised him from Hell, so he “knew” Dean would be disappointed if Sam looked for him now. Dean however, needs Sam to be alive, so he will risk Sam being disappointed and possibly hating him, as long as he’s alive.  So now in S11 its brought up again, that Sam didnt look for Dean in Purgatory, and Sam hadnt forgiven himself for it, its not the writers hating Sam/Jared, its showing us that Sam still hasnt gotten over letting Dean down. He’s a long suffering character, and doesnt see that he was justified in his actions, but instead blames himself for inaction. This fits right into Sam not finding a Win in a case where he couldnt save everyone. He knows he helps more people than he hurts, but the fact that he hurts people at all outweighs the good in his eyes.  There will be a time Im sure, and hopefully soon, given the events of the last 2 seasons, that Sam may collapse under all this weight. Maybe he will have some time to voice how badly things hurt him. But if he doesnt. try not to write it off as no one caring about his character, but understand his character feels like a burden if he unloads to people, even, and especially to Dean, who Im sure he believes has enough burden on his shoulders, without Sam sharing his. So try to be patient my friends. This would come out differently if it was a written story. The writer would be able to show us inside Sam’s head easier than they can this way. The only way into Sam’s head is through someone vocalizing it. If Sam does, then we dont see him burying things, if someone else does, it sometimes looks like hes being picked on for no reason…. but there is a good reason. It’s to keep his character consistant as the longsuffering reluctant hero. By @missjackil

[alexboehm55144]

Alex Final Wars 2: Dark Alex, Chapter 8 - The Korean Campaign

Hello everyone! Hopefully, 2019 is off to a good start for people! I'm debating whether or not I should put this story on AO3. What do you guys think? Should I do that? Let me know, but you guys are here for the story, so here you go!

000000000

2 US allies, South Korea and Japan, were in close proximity to China, and because of that, they were being hit hard by Chinese forces. South Korea was taking slightly more punishment, as the only thing separating it and China was the country of North Korea, which unfortunately had already aligned itself with the Chinese. Luckily the typhoon was arriving in South Korea, with the objective of its crew being to relieve some of the pressure on the military forces in the area. As a sign of patriotism, a US flag had been painted on the side of the typhoon.

The ship landed in a secluded area where it could remain hidden, and Alex, Toothdee, Kion, and Jasiri disembarked.

“Ah, South Korea,” Alex said, taking a deep breath of air “home of D.va, and music groups with way too many members.”

The captain still found wonder in visiting a new place, even though he had done a lot of traveling in his life.

“I expected more destruction,” Kion said, “North Korea is always talked about as a rogue state and a hermit kingdom.”

“Intel from Jack & Skye indicates that they did launch missiles towards the United States, but they were taken down by our iron dome missile defense systems.” toothdee explained, “However we should be wary of the capacity for nuclear weapons the country possesses.”

“Those missiles may have contained nuclear warheads, and that worries me like you wouldn’t believe.” Alex hypothesized “I’m afraid that the weapons we have created may be our undoing.

“The US does possess more nukes than North Korea, so they could have decided not to use nuclear weapons. Although as Kion says, they are a fanatic rogue state, and it wouldn’t be surprising if they did launch nukes. We should probably treat those missiles like they do contain warheads.”

“Maybe China is holding them back, but let’s hope the situation doesn't escalate to the point where nuclear annihilation becomes a possibility. Otherwise, there is a chance....” the captain took a breath to calm his nerves. “A large portion of the world & billions of people, including us, will be obliterated.”

There was the honk of a horn and a soldier in a Jeep pulled up, ready to drive the team to a forward operating base.

“What’s the situation,” Alex said, as the team got into the vehicle and it drove off. They were nervous about having a rogue state with nuclear weapons out there in the middle of a war between superpowers. However, the group had to push through their worry, no matter how much it bothered them.

“North Koreans are pushing hard on the border, we’re barely managing to hold them back.” the soldier driving the team said. “Their technology isn’t the best, but they have blind fighting fury and give 100% in a firefight.”

“We need to protect the city of Seoul.” Toothdee said, checking her weapons “we can’t let the people there get hurt.”

“The City is gone.” the soldier said “the North Koreans wiped it completely off the map with artillery strikes. Thank god they didn’t use a nuke.”

“Did you managed to evacuate any civilians?!” Jasiri frantically asked.

“We got a lot of them out.... but there were still many left when the initial bombardment hit. Unfortunately, we don’t have the manpower to run a full search and rescue operation.”

“Home team please respond,” Alex said, contacting the typhoon.

“It’s Judy, we read you.”

“Patch me through to a team-wide broadcast.”

There was a short pause while Judy completed this request.

“Attention all team members,” Alex said, “I need you to gather up medical equipment and emergency supplies and head into what's left of Seoul.”

“What’s left of Seoul?” Eris said

“Correct, the whole city is destroyed, and our army doesn’t have the manpower for a full search and rescue operation. You have to go into the city and rescue as many people as you can.”

There was a slight pause, Alex assumed it was disbelief from the whole city being wiped out.

“It will be done!”

“We’re on it!”

“Affirmative!”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Alex said, “I’ll send you the location of a US medical camp.”

The Jeep came out of the forest and the team was clearly able to see the wreckage of Seoul in the distance. Rubble was strewn about, and skyscrapers had huge chunks missing from them. The away team hopped their allies would find anyone trapped in the city. The team then pulled into a US firebase, while the sounds of gunfire and artillery explosions were heard clearly throughout the air.

“I feel bad for the animals in the demilitarized zone.” Alex said, “so many species that only exist there, just wiped off the map by this war.”

The group was directed inside the base, where an officer had a holographic table set up, displaying friendly troops in blue, and hostile troops in red.

Alex spotted a nearby technician and quickly went over to her.

“I need the location of the medical camp for a search and rescue operation.”

“Here, sending you the location now.” the technician said, typing away on a computer gauntlet that was embedded in the arm of her uniform.

Alex checked his own gauntlet and saw that he had received the location, before sending it to his allies and walking over to the officer at the table.

“We’re about to be overrun,” the officer said, “I’m gonna call a retreat.”

The ground shook as an artillery shell landed nearby

“No, we can push them back, we can drive them away and lessen the pressure on your forces,” Alex said, examining the holographic table.

“How can 4 operatives deal with dozens of Nork soldiers?”

“Do you have any heavy armor?”

“Yeah, outside, defending this place.”

“We might need to borrow those.”

The team was lead outside to a pair of tanks, and upon arrival, they traded places with the tank crews. Alex and Kion got in one tank, while Jasiri and Toothdee got in the other.

Alex would be driving the tank, while Kion would be the gunner. The lion was a little nervous about taking control of a tank for the first time in a real combat situation, but Alex calmed his fears.

“Don’t worry Kion, It’s just like a video game.”

The 2 tanks started up and began to move straight towards the North Korean positions.

“Alright,” Captain Boehm said “there are a couple of artillery guns shelling that firebase. Toothdee, Jasiri, you deal with them. Kion & I will take out an incoming convoy of enemy soldiers.”

“Roger that.”

“For the United States!” Alex yelled as a rallying cry.

Kion spotted a group of hostile soldiers and mowed them down with his machine gun, while Alex used the cannon to take out another group of soldiers. Jasiri and Toothdee also took down a few groups of soldiers, before the 2 tanks parted ways and headed to their secondary objectives.

“That convoy should be arriving any second,” Alex said, driving the tank down a dirt road. As if on cue, 3 enemy trucks appeared, heading towards the tank. Boehm opened fire with the cannon, destroying one truck and causing a second one to lose control and crash. The third truck tried to flee, but Kion opened fire into its back, killing all the soldiers inside.

But it was too early to celebrate, as a North Korean tank appeared heading up the road, and hit Alex and Kion’s tank with a cannon shot.

“Nork armor!”

Alex quickly fired at the tracks, immobilizing the tank, while Kion kept up suppressing fire on enemy infantry. Boehm circled the hostile tank, avoiding its main gun, before firing 2 more shots that caused the tank to explode.

“I didn’t expect that thing to go down so quickly,” Kion said, clearly confused. “But then again, That was a Soviet-era tank.”

“Stay sharp, there’s still infantry in the area.”

“Then let’s take care of them!”

000

Everyone else on the typhoon, save for Retsuko and Haida, had hopped into vehicles and raced into the destroyed city of Seoul.

JayJay was acting as the de facto leader, ordering everyone else to search buildings and making sure no time was wasted.

Jack, Skye, Nick, and Judy were using their smaller frames to get into areas the other team members couldn’t. Laval plugged orb of chi into his armor and powered up, using his increased strength to easily clear heavy debris. Eris was using her jet to hover and lift extremely heavy pieces of wreckage out of the way.

Once one of the team members located someone, they usually called for help, before getting the survivor out of the rubble, checking them for wounds, and getting them into one of the trucks they drove into the city.

With her enhanced hearing, JayJay heard crying from some nearby wreckage. Looking into the rubble, she found a young child with tears going down her face. It pained her immensely to see a child in a sorry state like this.

“Hello, sweetie.”

The child looked up at JayJay and stopped crying, before the wolf calmly extended a paw, and pulled the child up into the light.

“Come to me, are you ok?” The wolf said, checking the child for wounds. She noticed that the child clutched a small blue anthropomorphic wolf plushie.

“No wonder she calmed down after seeing me.” JayJay thought.

“Get down!” Someone yelled, prompting Jay to look up to see black streaks in the sky, indicating artillery shells headed for their position. Eris quickly flew out of the way to avoid being shot down, while JayJay grabbed the child and took cover under a large piece of concrete.

The wolf held the child close as explosions went off nearby. Once the bombardment had ceased, JayJay looked towards the position the artillery fire had come from and noticed many North Korean cannons

The wolf hoped the away team would take down that gun site soon before another bombardment tore through the decimated city.

000

Alex and Kion had received word of an artillery gun emplacement shelling the team in Seoul, and now they were racing to shut down those guns while eliminating any North Korean troops they saw.

So far the pair was doing great work, having taken out dozens of enemy troops. However, their luck took a turn for the worse when Alex spotted the black streaks of artillery shells tearing through the sky.

“Incoming!”

The shells rained down on the tank, throwing Alex and Kion around, but thankfully not breaching the hull of the tank. Alex tried desperately to get the tank moving once the bombardment had ceased, but the vehicle was unresponsive.

“Damnit! Tracks are damaged! She won’t go!”

Kion swore under his breath while Alex ushered him to get out of the tank, as a second bombardment would be incoming, and they couldn’t stay here.

The pair disembarked the tank before Alex spotted more black streaks heading for them.

“Run!”

Alex and Kion sprinted at top speed, while artillery shells rained down on their position, causing trees to fall and dirt to fly into the air.

In the chaos, Alex and Kion got separated, and the captain had to focus on sliding under crumbling trees and shielding his face from thrown up rocks. Once the bombardment stopped, Alex looked around for Kion but didn’t see him. However, he did see the North Korean artillery guns that were shelling Seoul.

It appeared that a US force had attacked this site recently and failed, as there were dead US soldiers everywhere, and even a US Humvee that still appeared to be in working condition. There was also a damaged artillery cannon that had been thrown over on its side.

Suddenly gunfire sounded throughout the air and the hostile soldiers went on high alert. Looking around, Alex spotted Kion, covered in cuts and burn marks, cutting down North Korean soldiers.

“No point in being quiet.” Alex thought, before engaging the enemy troops and taking cover behind the downed artillery gun.

2 heavily armored soldiers carrying LMGs began pinning Alex down, but he noticed that the artillery cannon he was hiding behind was still ready to fire, and the barrel was aimed right at the hostile soldiers pinning him down. Finding the firing mechanism, Alex activated the cannon and sent a shell right into the North Korean troops, wiping them out.

Spotting a cannon in an elevated position, The captain made a break for the gun, shooting the 2 hostile soldiers on guard, then taking control of the cannon, aiming, and firing at the enemies pinning Kion down. The lion ran from cover and joined his companion.

“Load another shell!” The captain yelled, to which Kion obliged.

Once the cannon was loaded again, Alex fired at a group of artillery guns, igniting the ammo crates and causing a chain reaction that destroyed the entire group of weapons and ammunition, as well as many enemy troops.

“Tank!” Kion yelled as the armored vehicle rolled into view. Alex fired upon the vehicle, blowing its turret off and rendering it useless.

Alex directed his fire to 2 more groups of artillery guns, turning them both into smoldering husks of metal. A North Korean helicopter appeared and opened fire with its door mounted gun. But after taking a shot from the cannon, the aircraft exploded and crashed to the ground.

A pair of US fighter jets streaked across the sky, gunning down a mass of infantry and dropping bombs.

“Another tank!” Kion yelled. Alex fired at another group of artillery guns near the tank, and the resulting blast managed to engulf and destroy the vehicle

Kion loaded the cannon again and Alex aimed downwards to fire another shot at the tank to make sure it was destroyed. However all of a sudden the captain was spun around and punched in the face by a North Korean soldier wearing an officer’s uniform. Kion was busy brawling with a heavily armored soldier, who was managing to land some pretty good punches on the lion. The commander kicked Alex over a sandbag barricade and he tumbled down a small dirt incline in front of the cannon.

The commander quickly hopped the barricade and drew his pistol. Alex jumped up and tried another melee strike, but the commander blocked the attack and headbutted Alex, forcing him back down to the ground. The North Korean commander lined up a killing shot before the artillery cannon fired.

Alex instinctively covered his face, but when he looked back at the commander, he saw the officer staring at his arm, or rather where it used to be, before falling to the ground.

Kion came out from behind the artillery cannon and gave a wave to Alex before the captain picked himself up off the ground and headed behind the cannon to see the knocked out heavy soldier.

“Open the breach.”

Kion followed suit and Alex tossed a thermite grenade in, before closing the cannon. The grenade began to melt the breach shut, destroying the gun, while the pair of heroes walked away.

Alex spotted the still operational Humvee from earlier, and the pair hopped inside.

“We did good work for the United States today.” the captain said while Kion started up the vehicle.

“All in a day's work of fighting for freedom.”

“Now let’s get to that medical camp, see how everyone’s doing.”

000

The city team had rescued dozens of civilians from the wreckage of Seoul and were now dropping off the injured at the nearby US medical camp. Jasiri and Toothdee had arrived and was helping the city team unload the wounded into a tent that was already full of soldiers and medics checking out survivors.

JayJay and Toothdee carried a man with a broken leg into the tent and handed him off to 2 awaiting medical personnel.

“That’s everyone,” Laval said, breathing a sigh of relief as the team grouped up. “Thank the legend beats we got to them. Feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest”

“Everyone is safe now, no ones in danger,” Jack said

“Hey!” Someone yelled “Let’s hear it for these guys saving all these people! Go, Heroes!”

Cheers broke through the tent, as emergency personnel and civilians alike clapped and yelled.

“You go, Heroes!”

“You saved my life, I’m forever in your debt.”

“No one else could have rescued as many people as you did.”

Alex and Kion arrived and headed into the main tent to be greeted by the cheering. Jasiri turned around and saw Kion, and quickly wrapped him in a hug upon seeing his burns and cuts. The hyena took out a wipe from her medical kit and began cleaning Kion’s face and wounds while staring into the lion’s eyes.

The assembled people started chanting.

“HEROES! HEROES! HEROES!”

“I take it you guys did well?” Alex said, giving a hi-five to Toothdee and JayJay.

“Yep, the North Koreans are on the retreat,” Toothdee said.

“And we rescued dozens of people!” JayJay added.

This victory had boosted the team’s morale and demonstrated their strength.

“Good work people,” Alex said, “we saved a lot of lives today.”

000000000

Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Please leave a review if you think I'm doing something wrong, or could be doing something better. Thank you for reading!

[teenwolfhot]

Scott McCall imagines part 4

Inspired by ariana grande " break up with your girlfriend...bored "

You and theo were trapped completely surrounded by these people until

This shit always happens to me (Yeah)

Why can't we just play for keeps? (Mmm-mmm)

Practically on my knees  "

The lyrics of the song was loud theo sighed and looked at you while " i can hear a faint heartbeat sister " the voice said " nevermind Elijah we have to go nik will have our heads with we meddle " as the footsteps were suddenly disappearing

Theo grabbed you " go ahead and maybe get us killed " you nodded still in shock " who was that ?" Theo couldnt scent them out " i dont know whoever they are definitely aren't from here that's for sure "

-------------------

Ever since you were little girl a slight obsession with a certain boy and well it started since that very summer day back in kindergarten

" thats my doll give it back " a tall girl with pigtails wrapped in red ribbons snatched your favourite doll away from you " well its mine now ...hahahaha " the girl stuck her tongue out while another kids watched afar was scott meeting his long term best friend stiles

He wasn't listening to the young boy in front of him as he saw you got pushed he immediately ran over " stop .... give back the doll " you looked up to see a boy in front of you wearing blue and white stripe polo shirt and a dirty jeans with converse on " why she your girlfriend... nananananan " scott pushed the little girl " shes my firend " snatched the doll away from the girl and turned to you " here i think this is yours " he smiled while handing it to you somhow your knee got scraped " here... for ummm... your knee "he pointed

----------------------------

Lydia was unable to read kira " soo what's up with you and scott lately... i want the juice " looking puzzled at the girl " lately his been well ummm his been avoiding me recently... i try to help but .... " she looked malia

" why do i get the feeling something happens between you two " pointing to malia and kira " we discuss some .... well ... scott ..... ummmmm isaac ..... uhhhh " kira didnt feel like talking about the situation about isaac and malia even scott its like a plague

" malia ???" The girl simply zoned out unfortunately " it will eventually come out im telling you

Hearing liam and stiles argue about the jeep and the adjustments liam made to the jeep

" i said you can have the jeep not redesigned it " lydia walking towards the two boys " well its my jeep ... you gave it to me .... well i simplify the jeep to my liking " liam looked at stiles and all the boy did was sigh " is okay I've got a new car or jeep " stiles said with dignity

" yes stiles we all know the FBI gave you a Land Rover " lydia rolling her eyes when suddenly theo's car pulled into the McCall drive way "we all need to talk " rushing out of the car

As you step out of the car you never been to McCall house before this is your first time " i should... probably. I'll wait in the car " as you headed back isaac grabbed you by the arm and dragging you inside

" whats the problem raeken couldn't it wait till tomorrow?" Stiles squinting his eyes " well no ... me and (y/n) were at the library earlier and well .... three people broke into the school and they were searching for something " scott looked at theo " i don't think is supernatural related theo " scott said quietly while everyone else got it " well .... i can smell them and they aren't from here scott ... especially at a time like this ... what are they thief I'm sure parrish is on patrol ..." which made everyone think

" well of theo is right what do they want ?" Lydia looking at you" are you okay (y/n)?" Just then stiles smacked the back of theo's head " you brought her .... her seriously " looking at you "isaac dragges me in i wanted to wait in the car .... anways I'm intruding i should go .... either way we dont hang out anyways... " smiling at each of them before leaving

As you were making your way to the door " hey ... about stiles ... is going to be fine ... we should hang... " the strawberry blond smiled " im lydia martin ... im ..." you intrude " i know my teacher talks highly of you " you said to her " thanks well I'll lead you out then

Isaac felt the need to follow after you " wait "(y/n) .... (y/n) " isaac walking up to you before lydia walks back in "im sorry ... i thought you .... " you rolled your eyes " really lahey thats how you want to play out ... the I'm sorry to drag you into something you shouldn't be there for .... i know we're friends but i don't think.... they like me .... martin sure made some.... kind of gesture or something to get me involved "

" you know what lahey ... stop ... just stop caring.... yes I'm a little bit insecure and sensitive but at least i don't draw attention to myself ... so save me the pleasure of acting like i belong in your group "

Walking away

-----------------

Meanwhile " i supposed you know who i am then ?" Chris was hanging like an X arms being held down with cuffs while spikes on this inside the cuff diggs in " slowly your bleeding " the voice simple said " now ... do you know us ... do you know what we are ?" The strange man asked again this time digging into argent chest and blood soaking through the black shirt " yes ..... yes .... yes ... i ... i ... DO !!!"

the man removed he hand from argent chest " well thats great news ..... so where are the rest of your groupies " the man looked deep into argents eyes " i said i know what you are .... i definitely can't be compelled " Chris laughing

" well i just have to ...... bleed you some more then .... until you're able to be compelled Chris "

The blond walked through the door and ran to chris " you lied ... hunter you lied ..." as the blond reached into chris chest he started to have a short breath " i can hear your heart beating fast " sister... sister ... sister ... toture should be fun.... " another young fellow with a metal baseball bat at hand and wacked it on the side of argent chest " did i hear ribs being broken " the young man laughed

" all of you are interrupting my interrogation.... really so much blood " as the blond release her hand away from his chest heavily breathing " blood of hunter " dragging her fingers over his arms that are in blood " i wouldn't taste his blood ... his on vervain "

As the blond wiped it off " we just have to continue till you talk then "

-------------------------

5 days after the event

Walking to school you've been avoiding every single one of isaac friends like a plague " sooo.... you're alive " it was isaac looking at you and smiling you pushed passed him " why do you care suddenly... lahey its not like you care in the first place anyways "

Continuing walking while lydia and malia catched up to the curly boy " soo anything... nope ... she wouldnt talk .... it seems she closed herself up again" lydia started to smirk " what if ... scott ... im mean scott could get her to talk right ?" Isaac was sceptical about this

" well yeah but they've had brief conversations but not a full one ... im telling you its a bad idea "

---------------------

Taking out your biology books and writing down the extra writing on the board scott took tbe opportunity to seat next to you " hey " you didnt pay attention to him kept writing down the notes till " oh man ... i forgot my biology books ..... i swear " you turned into your bag " here this is yours ... ms martin gave it to me to give to you ... i was gonna give it to you somehow but " yours and his hand slightly touched as he grabbed the book

" thanks ... " smiling

You were happy that you managed to give the item back to him but still you wanted to know everything... especially his relationship with malia and kira

You didnt like kira you had no problem with malia is that asian girl you didnt like .. she somehow inserted herself into scotts life without even knowing him

You were furious when you found out that scott was dating her , it was a stab in the heart one way or another your going to make scott McCall yours

Thinking of ways to be in his life you didn't realise that the teacher was calling you " (l/n)...(l/n).... (y/n)" you paused and heard your name being called

" im sorry miss (y/t/n) i was elsewhere... i do apologise " the teacher rolled her eyes "what i meant was ms martin would like to see you " she gave you an orange slip for you to leave class " right now ?" Yhe teacher stop in her tracks "yes right now .. unless you want to stop her orders or you willing to tell the principal why you aren't obeying one of " you shake your head " I'll go " picking your stuff up you rushed out

Thinking why would ms martin see you now what possibilities could she be thinking pulling you away from class especially AP BIOLOGY

-------------------'

Seeing two people in ms martins office you sighed and opened the door " ms martin you wanted to see me ?" The much older strawberry blond woman smiled " yes i do ... actually i wanted to discuss your career future college " as she points to a chair " i hope you don't mind I've took the pleasure of asking your parents to come by too "

As you took a seat next to your parents " well we 100% be involved in whatever our daughter decisions today " as ms martin smiled and sitting behind her desk

" mr and mrs (l/n) your daughter records are outstanding she will be graduating with honours " ms martin smiled while your parents looked like their on cloud nine " we are very pleased to hear " your mother said with joy in her voice " i must say (y/n) since you've not give in your final recommendation on the career path we will have to submit it today " your parents were shocked " very well "

"( y/n) what is your career goals " ms martin looking at you "- ummmm uhhhhh ummmm ..... biology.... i want to do something with biology " you started to gain confidence " biology is your main career point ?" Ms Martin writing it down "yes it is im very passionate about biology and i would like to study furthermore into the subject if i can ... im also looking into go apprentice in a laboratory on biology something like genetic or microbiology " you said while looking at her

Your parents were surpised you wanted to go that way becuase generally you talked about veterinary and medicine about the well being of animals this is sort of different types of research

" very well... i see you've made your research I'm pleased on that "ms martin smiled

" also theres three apprenticeships round the areas including here at school and some at local biology department in the science community " pausing " the only i like is not in this town but in mystic falls " your mother gasped

" well you certainly did your research on this subject then .... i will see to it your application form has been sent to all of these locations... in the meantime please keep your grades to these standards "

Walking out of the offcie the whole interview along with your parents exhausted you completely " so ... what did lydia mum want ?" Isaac putting his arms round your neck my career choice " removing isaac arm " plus i think i might have a chance of leaving this place lahey "

[homestucky]

i know ive posted abt it before so sorry for being a broken record but like........... my focus these days is so bad, and i say these days like i can ever remember it being good...... if i try to pay attention to something for more than 1 whole minute my brain starts shrieking and blowing steam like an old timey kettle. ive spent the past 4 days ‘flat out’ working on this paper but the pace is still somehow so slow bcaus i cant even flippign. read the papers im meant to be writing about. like i will pull an all nighter for this and then write 1 page. i just feel like.... this must mean something, right?? or is this just what im like?? am i stupid?? idk what this means. maybe im just tired or not cut out for this. ive been toying with the idea of talking to my doctor about the idea of me having adhd bcaus i think itd explain a lot but there are also considerable parts of how ive heard it described that i dont relate to. and the idea of deciding i think i have it then going and getting told i dont is kind of the worst. it would be so comofrting to have some way for me to describe the experiences im having and be told hey theres a reason your brain is like this. so i almost dont wanna know if i dont, yknow.

also in the uk at least, im p sure a diagnosis condition is you have to have some indication that youve had it since childhood. so i assumed that cant be me, bcaus i was a fairly quiet kid. i did have a really bad temper but other than that i dont remember p much anything abt being under 11. but i literally just today remembered that at the ages 12-16 in maths i never shut the hell up to the point that people who sat next to me thought i was annoying, because i couldnt concentrate in class at all, literally never once finished a set of questions in class even when everyone else could and i was supposed to be ‘good at maths’, just talked talked talked and doodled instead. ive always been a ‘slow worker’ is how i thought of it. i didnt barely do a single bit of work in art classes bcaus id just talk w my friend and like. spin in the teachers spinny chair. i did no work all of yr 11 then realised and went every day for like a month after school when no one was there. but still in class i couldnt do it, even once id decided i should work harder. i have a hard time processing things fast. despite teachers basically telling me i was some kind of prodigy for english lit, when it got to the point in like yr 12 when i couldnt rely on just writing whatever came into my head to get a good grade and actually had to plan, i absolutely flopped and practically developed a phobia of the subject. i was gonna do an english degree but i changed course. also i cant read for fun bcaus i just stare into space instead thinking about 100 other things all more interesting than the book. this has always sort of been the case too. idk i know many stereotypes of adhd are inaccurate but i was shy and ‘well behaved’ and even though i was distracted/chatty i wasnt like.. disruptive. like im not even sure if the teachers noticed me quietly babbling. so it made me never consider the possibility but obviously its far more complicated than that. 

still tho, idk i think its p likely im just making excuses for myself with this and i can easily imagine going to the doctor and talking through all this and them being like lol no nice try though. but idk. i still cant help but think about it.

idk this txtpost is p much nonsense but.. yea just attempting to get my thoughts out of my head and fling them into the void so i can carry on doing this awful stupid piece of work lol. wish me luck, im in hell!!!

edit: WHY WASNT THIS UNDER A READ MORE I REMEMBER PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE SCREEAAM

[missjackil]

Sam Winchester: The Reluctant Hero

When we wonder in frustration, as to why Sam seems to suffer more than Dean does, instead of being angry at a narative bias, or assuming the show runners hate Sam, take into consideration that Sam and Dean, though equally heroic, are different types of heros  Dean is a willing hero. He has been proud of his job as a hunter since he was young, even if sometimes he was bored with it, or would have liked to persue a career as a machanic. From what we see in flash backs, Dean was boasting “Im a hero!” since high school, where Sam just wanted to be like every other kid.  Sam’s first choice in life is not to be a hero. Not directly anyway. He was studying to become a lawyer.  Azazel said he was becoming a Tax Attorney, but Dean saw him as a Criminal Justice Attorney in What is and What Should Never Be, which I think is more fitting for Sam. The indirect hero that would get justice for the victims. He would make a wonderful psycholigist also. Dean would be a very good cop, or soldier, or first responder.  This is not to say Sam wouldnt run into a burning building to save a family, he most certainly would, but his interests seem to lie mostly in long term after care. So for Sam to be in the front line with Dean, is something he does because its the right thing, not because it’s his chosen life path (early life anyway. he has stated in his later life that he did chose this life for himself) and this makes him a reluctant hero. The problem with that though, is that in literature, the reluctant hero always suffers the most. 

Its no argument that Dean suffers too. Both brothers have broken my heart on many occasions, but Sam’s suffering over any event, stretches far past the season he suffers it in. This is so we, the viewers, have an idea as to how much of a hardship Sam is willing to endure to save Dean and to save the world.  Sam and Dean both willingly went to Hell, but their experiences were greatly different, and unfolded on the show wildly unbalanced. Dean sold his soul for Sam, so Sam would live. He didnt want to go to Hell, but he did it willingly. in Dream a Little Dream, Dean said to his dream self, that he didnt deserve to go to Hell, and even though he made the choice on his own, I think we all feel like it’s a horrible punishment for a guy who just wanted his little brother to live. I know I hoped they could find a way to get him out of the deal, but unfortunately, he didnt. He stayed in Hell for 4 months, or 40 hell years. He was tortured by Alistair for 30 years until he became a torturer himself. Cas raised him out of Hell, completely whole, even old scars were gone, but we didnt know for a while that the memories were haunting him. How did we find out? Because he told Sam. He tearfully confessed to Sam on more than one occasion, what happened, what he did, what it felt like at the time and how it was hurting him then. What came of it is that he got to confront his torturer, and even though he couldnt kill him himelf, Sam killed him for him. Dean got justice.  Sam on the other hand, also willingly went to Hell to save the world, but he felt like he was mainly at fault for breaking the world in the first place, when it was expressed that it wasn’t only him, and he was completely unknowingly breaking it when he did. He obviously didnt want to go to Hell, but he felt it was the right thing to do. What he got for that though, was his soul in Hell, canonically, for 1.5 years, 180 Hell years. He was torured by Lucifer himself in the most brutal ways imaginable. Cas raised his body, soon after he went to the pit, but we arent given an exact amount of time, whether it be an hour or so, or a few weeks, we just know he was physically out for the majority of the year, but I can’t imagine 10 minutes in the cage with Lucifer is a picnic. However, he came back incomplete, without his soul, which endured unimaginable torture. If that’s not enough, while soulless, Sam did things he wasn’t proud of when he got his soul back, and suffered with this, Once he got his memories of Hell back, a whole new level of suffering began.  How was this handled? To our knowledge, he never told anyone the details of his Hell tour. All we know about it, was shown in flash backs and hallucinations, that ended up driving Sam insane. Sam was “fixed” by Cas, by simply shifting the pain to himself, not by Sam talking about it, or confronting his torturer, or anyone killing Lucifer.  Sam didnt get justice in any sense, and he still carries all of this with him. He has even had to work along side Lucifer to try to stop Amara. No one even brought this up, even though Sam had very recently been back to the cage and had to face Lucifer and the trauma all over again.  Season 13 and still Sam hasn’t been given justice or seen closure when Dean’s was answered in only a few episodes. How can we not see the imballance? Well, when we look at it as Sam is the long suffering Reluctant Hero, suck as it may, it makes more sense. It plays into the narrative that the pain piles on Sam, and Sam stuffs it down. We ourselves may forget this happens, if the show itself didn’t bring it up.  The case of Tracy Bell for example. A girl that pops up out of nowhere in 9x2 for no reason than to remind Sam that he let Lucifer out and people got killed. I know a bunch of you blame the writers of the episode for that, as though they hate Sam or Jared, but that was part of the Gardreel story. Something that the producers must have told the writers they wanted. “Bring something painful up from Sam’s past, so that when he feels good at the end of the episode, we can be reminded that theres an Angel healing him from the inside” is probably close to what was said in the meeting. We the viewers need to be reminded that Sam never lets things go, at the same time as he never really speaks of them either.  It took 13 seasons, but Dean confirms for us in 13x4 that Sam doesnt admit things or it makes them real, and then he has to deal with it. Sam even confirms it himself in 12X3 when he says he knows Mom is burying herself in hunting instead of dealing, through years of personal experience. Now that we understand this is part of Sam’s character, we can better understand why we dont get to see his emotional POV very often, and his traumas rarely get worked out.  The differences between Sam being the reluctant hero, and Dean being the willing hero, manifest in many ways.  Dean gets very antsy if its been a few days that they havent had a hunt to go on. Sam however, is content to stay home researching. Their short time of trying to live a domestic life with their girlfriends shows reluctant vs willing also. While Sam was with Amelia, he had nothing to do with hunting except reading the news paper and believing other hunters were taking care of things. He refused to tell Amelia about that part of his life. Dean didnt hunt, but he kept it at arms reach. He kept devils traps in the door ways, a rosary in water under the bed and a gun nearby, and he let Lisa know all about that part of his life, and even tried to live it and maintain a life with her.  Dean is the kind of guy who will show you every scar and tell you the details of how he got it, while Sam will hide his scars. Dean suffers when innocent life is lost, but he holds on to the fact that he’s saved more people than he’s hurt and it can help him make it day to day. Sam feels like he failed if he didnt save someone. This is precicely why Sam suffers the burdens of his wrongs for years,  and Dean doesnt. Dean did a lot of crap while he had the MoC but he hasnt had to visibly suffer from it after the fact. Sam however, is reminded of his poor choices for seasons after the fact. Now since its not a matter of Sam goes to jail for things and Dean doesn’t, we only need to realize its part of maintaining a character trait for us, so we dont forget that Sam never forgives himself and suffers for years over what he considers failures.  Now, this willingness vs reluctance shows in their relationship also. Im not going to try to prove one loves the other more, because I am convinced that Dean is #1 in Sam’s world and Sam is #1 in Dean’s world and they love each other as much as any two people can love each other (to steal from the mouth of JP) they both take care of each other, and neither had to be told to do so. Even when Sam was too little to actually take care of Dean, he still did the best he could by wanting to be with him, and giving him gifts. Dean didnt have to learn 100 ways to make mac and cheese, he did it because he wanted to make Sam happy. That being said, lets move on... Sam’s reluctance in their relationship, isnt that he loves Dean less, or doesn’t want to protect him, but his biggest fear is letting Dean down. He can save Dean’s life a million times but considers himself a failure if he let Dean down. Dean’s biggest fear however is Sam dying. He can let Sam down, he can piss him off, but if Sam isnt alive and well, Dean considers himself a failure. When Sam assumed Dean was dead in S8 and didnt look for him, he was going on a promise that he wouldnt look for him. Since we didnt get enough insight to Sam’s state of mind at the time, Im going to assume that Sam was crushed that Dean was dead, but for himself, it was more important, that he didnt let him down by breaking that promise. He saw how angry Dean was when Dean thought he made a deal that raised him from Hell, so he “knew” Dean would be disappointed if Sam looked for him now. Dean however, needs Sam to be alive, so he will risk Sam being disappointed and possibly hating him, as long as he’s alive.  So now in S11 its brought up again, that Sam didnt look for Dean in Purgatory, and Sam hadnt forgiven himself for it, its not the writers hating Sam/Jared, its showing us that Sam still hasnt gotten over letting Dean down. He’s a long suffering character, and doesnt see that he was justified in his actions, but instead blames himself for inaction. This fits right into Sam not finding a Win in a case where he couldnt save everyone. He knows he helps more people than he hurts, but the fact that he hurts people at all outweighs the good in his eyes.  There will be a time Im sure, and hopefully soon, given the events of the last 2 seasons, that Sam may collapse under all this weight. Maybe he will have some time to voice how badly things hurt him. But if he doesnt. try not to write it off as no one caring about his character, but understand his character feels like a burden if he unloads to people, even, and especially to Dean, who Im sure he believes has enough burden on his shoulders, without Sam sharing his. So try to be patient my friends. This would come out differently if it was a written story. The writer would be able to show us inside Sam’s head easier than they can this way. The only way into Sam’s head is through someone vocalizing it. If Sam does, then we dont see him burying things, if someone else does, it sometimes looks like hes being picked on for no reason.... but there is a good reason. It’s to keep his character consistant as the longsuffering reluctant hero.

[thefangirlingbarista]

The Jess-convinced-her-best-friend-to-binge-the-100-so-now-she-has-to-rec-fluffy-fics fic rec

@fangirlinglike I would say I’m sorry I dragged you kicking and screaming into this shit show of a show, but I’m not. So. Take this fics as payment. 

And I want you to know that my feelings are true by @katchyalater

WC: 10095  Making up a fake girlfriend to get out of a weekend-long work retreat only works up to a point, as Bellamy finds out. Instead of letting him off the hook, his boss invites his girlfriend along. Luckily, Clarke is open to playing the part.

Honestly, this fic had me hooked from the first line, “So you know how I’m a walking distaster?” but i’m also a sucker for fake dating so I really never had a chance. I don’t think there wasn’t a moment where I wasn’t smiling while I read this. So yeah. Good read.

let's see what develops by @craniumhurricane

WC: 3438 Or the one where Bellamy hires Clarke to take pictues of his students

BELLAMY IS AN ELEMENTARY TEACHER WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?! 

Flowers Fade, But The Internet Lasts Forever by @ticogirls

WC: 5254 Or, the one where Clarke finds out the hard way that having two separate Twitter accounts and a hopeless crush on Bellamy Blake don't exactly mix.

I literally just reread this one again while making this rec bc i couldnt help myself. i am also a sucker for social media aus. im not sorry. 

if you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you are a princess by @katchyalater

WC: 3743 Bellamy can't not take care of every animal he sees, and Clarke can't not find it endearing.

Basically, Bellamy is snow white and Clarke loves it. AND SO DO I 

neither lost nor found by awildthing (yo idk their tumblr, so if someone out there knows it hmu) 

WC: 9495 Bellamy Blake arrives on campus and Clarke's magic suddenly starts going haywire.

Have I mentioned I love modern magic users au? bc i do. i havent read this one in a few months BUT I STILL THINK ABOUT and i think that says a lot. 

You're Cool On The Internet, At Least by @prosciuttoe

WC: 9390 Clarke has no idea how she manages to develop a crush on a guy who won’t stop fighting everyone on Facebook, but here they are. (Or: Clarke meets Bellamy on Facebook. They hit it off.)

I love Em and I love this fic and I can not iterate enough HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS 

Sent and Delivered by @clarkescrusade

WC: 12509 Clarke is pretty sure Bellamy is the hottest lyft driver she’s ever had, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that he’s a pretty great conversationalist, too. When she finds out him and Raven used to work together, it feels natural to become friends. She just never thought they’d get along quite so well, or that their lives would come together so easily, or that she’d fall madly in love with him. But that’s life.

once again... SOCIAL MEDIA AU S O C I A L M E D I A A U  (side note, she also has written a soul mate fic WHICH IS ANOTHER WEAKNESS OF MINE but its not as fluffy and much more angst. but i love it and its one of the ones that stay with you for a loooong time. so if you want some more heart ache, here’s the link: the lucky ones.

That Would Be Enough by @katchyalater 

WC: 3634 Bellamy is psyched to find out Hamilton is coming to his city, but when Clarke outlines her plan to guarantee them tickets he's not totally sold on it.

I just now realized how many fics i rec’d by Kacka so apparently she’s my fluff go-to. Anyway. two idiots who are in love with each other but dont know how to function. my kind of otp. 

Also, anything by @ponyregrets (chash) is going to be worth every second of your time. When I feel sad, I just binge read all of her fics. Good times.