#it’s very frustrating thatbi sabotaged myself so badly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesbegays · 8 months ago

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sometimes i remember the time that a professor told me my essay was the most interesting and insightful in the class and then i started skipping that class and couldn’t bring myself to turn in any more essays to her and i’m like damn i should go back to therapy and deal with that

#i really loved that class too and was passionate about the essay topics #it’s very frustrating thatbi sabotaged myself so badly #my response to compliments isn’t THAT bad anymore but it’s still genuinely pathological #ever since i was a little kid compliments have made me feel like i’ve set expectations that i can’t uphold and that i will disappoint #and like. i know it’s the neurodivergent gifted kid trauma or whatever #this knowledge that bc of what i later found out was adhd my ability fluctuates so drastically and i’m so inconsistent #the dysfunction was definitely at its peak in college lmao but it’s still there #idk like my church does this thing where once a month a bunch of old dudes go to a local brewery and drink beer and talk about theology #and sometimes i go too bc i miss talking about theology #and apparently the preacher told my dad he was impressed by how insightful my input always is and now i don’t want to go back lol #i know why i’m like this but i don’t know how to fix it

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