#it’s usually the most challenging feature because of the way it gets erased sometimes

[genderqueer-karma]

update on that drawing i'm sending off

ref vs my incomplete scrawl.

i don’t hate it. yet.

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

Palace (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! This part is inspired by Sam Smith’s “Palace”. Let me know what you think as we move more into Wanda’s territory. I don’t want to give away much but this part would take place very close to the start of Civil War.  

Summary: Certain members of the team deal with the news that you have decided to leave. A little more into Wanda’s mind.

“I'm gonna miss you. I'm still there. Sometimes I wish we never built this palace, but real love is never a waste of time”

The sound of the quinjet landing in the early morning air was a stark contrast to the serene stillness that surrounded the compound before everyone awoke. With the morning sun still below the horizon it was easy to get lost in the peaceful image. To get lost in this brief moment of tranquility before life caught up to you. 

“Y/n?”

There. The trace was broken because the serenity wasn’t real. It was just an illusion. It couldn’t erase the damage that lurked shallowly under the surface. “Yes, Capsicle?”

Despite himself Steve couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped, “Even now and you won’t call me by my name?” you shrugged with a smirk. His expression became solemn once again. “You’re sure about this then?” he nodded towards the jet. 

Steeling your features, you nodded firmly. “I think it’ll be good for me. They need my help and you all have everything under control over here… for now.” You added cheekily. 

A sigh replaced what would have normally been a laugh. “You’re sure you don’t want to say goodbye to… anyone?” He trailed off, but you knew exactly who he was referring to. Wanda.

“It’s for the best. There’s no point dragging this out any longer. I’m just a part of her past now. Plus, I want this. My purpose in life has always been to help those who need it. I’m just fulfilling that purpose, Steve.” You answered with what you hoped was a believable smile.

What you didn’t tell him was that you used to believe that your purpose on this earth was her. It didn’t matter either way because she couldn’t be anymore. 

Wordlessly Steve pulled you into his arms. You willed yourself to stop the watering of your eyes as you hugged him back. “It’s not going to be the same without you here, kid.”

Over his shoulder you noticed the sun begin to rise on the horizon. Time was running out. Soon everyone would be up whether it be for training, meetings, or just breakfast. Then you’d lose your nerve. 

With a small sniffle you pulled back and smiled weakly up at Steve. “Try not to replace me while I’m gone.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Remember if you ever need my help, I’ll be back. And-” you took a sharp breath before continuing. “And please, don’t tell her where I am.”

Steve frowned at your final comment but nodded nonetheless. “You have my word. Take care of yourself out there. Call when you can.”

With one final nod you turned and boarded the quinjet without a glance back. Steve stayed until he saw the jet disappear in the distance, dreading the moment when everyone found out. 

Dreading the moment when Wanda found out.  

It wasn’t until mid-afternoon that the questions began. Steve breathed a sigh of relief that they weren’t directed at him.

“Has anyone seen y/n?” Natasha asked, “I have this new disarming move I want to try and she’s always saying she’s too fast for me.”

Wanda perked her head up out of reflex at the sound of your name, but quickly diverted her attention back to the book in her hands. It wasn’t like you would want to see her anyway. That didn’t stop her from eaves dropping on the conversation that was happening around her though. 

“Probably in her room, avoiding our afternoon run I’m sure.” Sam chimed in.

Natasha shook her head, “Already checked there. Anyone else seen her?” She asked the remaining Avengers in the room all of them shaking their heads except Steve who walked away to the kitchen. Wanda was the only one other than Natasha to notice. 

“What aren’t you telling us, Rogers?” Natasha questioned as soon as she entered the kitchen. Her head tilted in challenge.

He huffed out a tired sigh as he leaned against the counter. “Nothing.” He replied shortly which caused Natasha to quirk an eyebrow.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. please call y/n for me and tell her to meet me in the kitchen.” She stated firmly while maintaining eye contact with Steve.

The robotic female voiced sounded moments later. “I’m sorry, Ms. Romanoff, that is not possible as Ms. Y/ln is not currently at the compound.”

Steve rubbed his temple wearily, he had hoped this conversation wouldn’t have to happen so soon. “Where is she?” Natasha countered quickly.

Once again, the robotic voice responded, “That is classified.” Neither Steve nor Natasha noticed the figure that was stopped in her tracks at F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s words. 

For a moment Steve and Natasha remained in a silent stand-off, neither backing down. “Where is she?” she repeated, this time directed towards Steve.

“I can’t tell you that.” he replied quickly.

“What can you tell me?”

For a moment he seemed to think about it, about what he could say without breaking his word. “She’s on a mission.” 

That isn’t entirely out of the ordinary, Wanda thought to herself as she began holding her breath nervously. She had a bad feeling about this.

“Where?” Natasha fired off.

A mere shake of his head was all he gave her, “I can’t tell you that.” He repeated.

“How long?” Natasha stared at him for a moment, analyzing his solemn nature. Realization quickly dawned on her. You weren’t coming back.

There was hesitation in his words as he drew them out slowly. Almost as if he was coming to terms with the words himself. “Possibly a year, maybe two…” he drew in a breath before continuing. Wanda dug her nails into her palm. “It’s most likely indefinite. She may never come back.” He finally concluded somberly. 

Wanda couldn’t contain the gasp that slipped passed her lips. Natasha quickly turned her head in the direction of the sound, her own sadness taking a back seat when she noticed the look on the younger girl’s face.

“Why wouldn’t she tell m- tell us anything?” Wanda demanded desperately, her accent heavily pronounced and her eyes wide with distress. Steve didn’t reply, he couldn’t find it in himself to. He merely looked at her with pity. 

She knew why you didn’t tell her anything. She understood, and her legs felt like they’d give out under the weight of that knowledge any second now. 

Taking pity on the girl Natasha hesitantly made her way over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe you should go sit down.”

Erratically Wanda pulled herself out of arm’s reach and marched over to Steve, her eyes watering despite her aggressive tone. “Tell me where she is. Right now.”

Steve didn’t waver, his conversation with you playing over in his mind. “I can’t.”

Red wisps began floating around Wanda’s hands as her eyes began to glow. “That’s fine. You’ll tell me whether you want to or not.”

Natasha tried to step in, but Steve merely raised his hand. “I can’t because she didn’t tell me. She thought this might happen. She only told me that she’s leaving and how long she’d be gone. She didn’t tell me where she would be located.” He lied smoothly, surprising even himself. He refused to break his word to you.

Wanda’s eyes slowly returned to their normal shade of green as her shoulders slumped, the fight draining from her body. Steve gently placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “She wanted me to tell you that she was sorry. To all of you.” He added as he looked up at Natasha who nodded sadly in understanding.

At his words, Wanda merely shut her eyes, she knew that they should have brought her comfort, but they didn’t in the slightest. His words wouldn’t change the fact that you were gone and would quite possibly never be back. She knew she had no right to be upset. She made her decision, now she would have to live with it. That knowledge didn’t stop it from hurting though.

“Did she say anything else?” she asked quietly, clinging to any information she could get. Trying desperately to gain control of her emotions.

“That she was fulfilling her purpose by going. Helping others.” Steve offered.

Natasha smiled faintly at his words. “Sounds like destiny then. That’s definitely something she’s good at.” 

Wanda couldn’t have agreed with Natasha more. You were destined to help others. You helped her, saved her, and now you’d be a life raft for others. The secret of your love would no longer be an exclusive privilege that only a select few knew of. The true and whole-hearted way in which you loved her would be given to another. 

One day, she would merely be a ghost of your past. She would become a painful story that you’d share in the arms of another. Her heart fluttered anxiously at the thought. 

It was as though news of your departure made her aware of what her stubborn mind and your usual steady present prevented her from seeing. “Wanda?” she faintly heard a voice call out to her.

Her features remained neutral. The dull ache tightened in her chest. She knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. “Yes?” she replied flatly.

Natasha placed a comforting hand on her arm, a look of concern on her face as Steve watched curiously from where he stood. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Wanda replied, waving her hand. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

Both Steve and Natasha exchanged uncertain looks as they watched Wanda exit the kitchen area. With her mind so muddled Wanda just began walking, a laugh escaping her lips when she finally realized where she had gone on reflex. The roof. The same place you both had actively avoided since that fateful nights a few months ago. It was bittersweet. 

She took a seat in the same area you had both sat in countless times before as she pulled her knees to her chest and looked around. It was almost as if she could still hear the soft music playing in the background and the sound of your occasional humming from right beside her, never expecting anything more from her. An unmovable force. A quiet pillar of support that she so often relied on. That was all just a memory now.

She always dreaded the idea that one day she would lose you, she never would have guessed that she would have lost you at her own hands.

In the solitude she finally allowed a few silent tears to fall down her cheek, allowed herself to feel what she had been refusing for so long. She was going to miss you, she knew that much. She was going to miss the beautiful relationship that you had created together, the same relationship that was mere ruins now. She just hoped you would forgive her one day, she hoped that you would return one day soon. She didn’t dare allow herself to hope for more. 

“Wanda?” came the sound of another voice. The contrast of night surprising Wanda when she focused on the world around her once again, she must have been up here for hours. A moment later Vision came into her view.  “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Is something wrong?”

She bit her lip, not ready to talk about the chaos in her mind yet. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Wanda eventually mumbled.

A look of confusion covered Vision’s features, “Is this about Y/n?” he pressed.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She repeated with growing frustration.

Again, Vision stared at her with confusion. “My findings have suggested that the only way to properly process sadness is to talk about it.” He replied matter-of-factly.

As much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help but compare how you comforted her to how Vision was attempting to. “Well, your findings don’t apply to everyone.” She said, her tone laced with irritation.

“My findings are rarely ever wrong.”

Wanda groaned. “Can you just hold me?” 

Cool arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. For a moment he just held her in silence. The silence did not last though. “I still believe it would be beneficial for you to talk to me about how you are feeling.” He insisted once more. 

Wanda ignored him, not having the energy to argue back.

Even though she was in Vision’s arms, all she could think of was you. About how desperately she wished to be in the arms that said they’d never let her go. The arms that she forced to let go. She couldn’t help but feel like she was sinking ever so slightly with no life raft in sight.

There you have it, part 7! Technically this is the first part of this series I wrote with a lot of touch up. As always, I hope you all enjoyed. Thoughts and comments always welcome. :)

[thebluelemontree]

Is it wrong to say that Sansa uses an out of sight out of mind coping mechanism? I noticed it because it's what I do a lot. I know some ppl say she rewrites traumatic memories to make the memories bearable but it doesn't make sense. If that was how she coped, wouldn't she have been telling herself lies about Joffrey still in acok? Or found a way to erase/rewrite Marillion's attempt to rape her?

Yes and no. She does that except all the times she doesn’t. ;) I think that characterization is extremely reductionist (and ignores character complexity and  growth) when it’s applied that broadly to every situation Sansa has been in. You have to take these things instance by instance because they aren’t all the same. Sometimes that labeling doesn’t fit at all. In many cases, it feels more like the fandom pathologizing the act of romanticizing or trying to push aside or reframe something unpleasant or even traumatic when that’s just something most human beings do now and then. Some do it more than others, but its all within the realm of typical coping behavior and being older or more educated or more “logical” doesn’t make one immune to it. So I hope you don’t let those interpretations make you feel abnormal or more fallible for identifying with Sansa in that way. Romanticizing doesn’t even have to be about coping at all, but simply expressing desire through daydreams. People imagine being in idealized scenarios with crushes all the time.  

You also hit the nail on the head. Sansa just doesn’t go around making up false narratives about every objectively awful thing that happens to her. In fact, her actual responses to those moments can be a useful basis for comparison when we’re analyzing the unkiss, for example. Misunderstanding the unkiss is usually where a lot of these assumptions stem from. That’s a whole other can of worms in itself. The unkiss is just too long of a discussion to put here, so I just recommend this post as to the reasons why it isn’t about trauma and take a browse through my unkiss tag. It does bear repeating that Sansa factually remembers every scary thing that happened during the Blackwater and why it happened, indicating she has processed it honestly and critically, before any incarnation of the unkiss happens. The unkiss is a mismemory added on to the facts, which began as her being the actor that kissed him first. It’s not a lie to deny the facts or to excuse his behavior. It’s regrettable to her that Sandor was not able to be the person she could rely on to get her out of KL at that time. Nonetheless, this repressed desire is just so strong in her that it manifested in a kiss so real she could remember how it felt after the reality of his leaving KL for good sank in. 

Early AGOT Sansa tended to want to move past unpleasantness rather quickly. Just sweep those red flags under the rug so everything can go back to blissful harmony. Sansa is naturally averse to conflict and just wants her present with the royal family to be smooth sailing into a bright future. Ned had a very similar tendency when it came to concerns over Robert’s true character. He saw things that disturbed him, but he hoped and clung to his idea of Robert anyway. For Sansa, this resulted in some misplaced blame and rewriting events so she could deal with the aftermath. This is mostly seen in her processing the Mycah incident after Lady’s death and how her perception of all the characters involved shifted in varying ways. This is after she knew perfectly well what really happened, because Ned says Sansa had already told him the truth of what Joffrey did while Arya was still missing. However, it would also be unfair to completely chalk this up to Sansa’s idiosyncrasies. We have to put her flip-flopping in the context of the situation as well. She’s also experienced a gutting loss with Lady’s death and the fact that the first blow to her innocence was her father volunteering to put Lady down. She doesn’t have Catelyn to go to with her confusion and hurt, and Ned has largely been silent. She’s also still engaged to Joffrey through all this, this is still a patriarchy, there are political ramifications to speaking against a crown prince, and she doesn’t know how to deal with seeing such cruelty and vindictiveness in her future husband. Especially when he responded to her tender concern and wanting to help him with venom and hate. 

I mean, jeez, she’s 11. I don’t expect an 11 year old to understand how to identify the signs of emotional manipulation or see how this situation can escalate into domestic violence. Just because Sansa can’t articulate what is happening within her relationship with Joffrey, doesn’t mean she has blocked out any notion that Joffrey can turn his anger on her. Part of the reason she misplaces blame on Arya (and rewrites what happened) is because Joffrey turns scornful of Sansa for being a witness to his emasculating shame. He punishes her with the cold shoulder because she didn’t immediately take his side and pretended not to see instead. He regains power through making Sansa feel small and fearful of his moods. 

“He had not spoken a word to her since the awful thing had happened, and she had not dared to speak to him.” -- Sansa II, AGOT.

Sansa looked at him and trembled, afraid that he might ignore her or, worse, turn hateful again and send her weeping from the table. -- Sansa II, AGOT.

This is coming from someone who is supposed to love her and someone she will spend the rest of her life with. To fix things, she must be unequivocally on Joffrey’s side going forward or suffer the consequences, which we can see happening as her story completely flips over breakfast sometime later. This is not saying Sansa is fully exonerated from not supporting her sister when she needed her, but that it’s understandable how she arrived at this point. Even when things start to get really bad after Ned’s arrest, Sansa still holds out some hope that she can appeal to Joffrey’s (and Cersei’s) love for her to get him to be merciful. Is it really her fault she believed a part of Joffrey really loved her (and thus was reachable by her pleas) if he also heavily love bombed her and treated her like she was the most special girl in the world? Love bombing is a classic feature of the seduction phase leading up to abuse.  

So we can see Sansa does ignore truths and rewrite events sometimes and her personality is a factor; however, the context surrounding it matters a lot. Post Ned’s execution, Sansa does a full 180 regarding Joffrey and Cersei.

Sansa stared at him, seeing him for the first time. He was wearing a padded crimson doublet patterned with lions and a cloth-of-gold cape with a high collar that framed his face. She wondered how she could ever have thought him handsome. His lips were as soft and red as the worms you found after a rain, and his eyes were vain and cruel. "I hate you," she whispered. -- Sansa VI, AGOT.

Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father's head. Sansa would never make that mistake again. -- Sansa I, ACOK. 

"A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well." -- Sansa I, ASOS. 

There’s also her conscious efforts to push away thoughts of her dead family and Jeyne Poole, but she states why she does that. It’s traumatic, the tears start flowing uncontrollably, and she is desperately trying to avoid falling into another suicidal depression. Her survival in KL depends on her holding it together and appearing loyal and obedient to Joffrey. Mourning her loved ones would imply to Joffrey she is plotting treason. Besides, she knows that even if she did ask Cersei or LF about Jeyne, she has no reason to believe they’d do anything but lie to her face in a patronizing way. There’s no point being plagued with wondering what the truth might be when she can’t do anything about it. Still, she prayed for Jeyne wherever she might be. She genuinely thought Arya had made it to WF on the ship and was safe at least until she got word of her brothers’ deaths and her home being sacked by the Iron Born, though there was initially a touch of projection and fantasizing about Arya being free while she remains captured. As of Feast, she believes she is the last Stark left alive and she has no one but Littlefinger to help her. So while she is suppressing her grief, it’s done with good reason, and it’s not being replaced with any false narratives to cope. 

We also cannot ignore that her relationship to Sandor Clegane has instilled in her an appreciation for the un-sugarcoated truth now that she has experienced betrayal and injustice first hand. In his own way, he’s encouraged her to listen to her own inner bullshit detector. The rose-tinted glasses have become a lot more clear compared to where she started. This is a newly learned skill though, and her self-confidence has been wrecked by internalized verbal abuse. She’s also been left on her own to figure out people’s intentions by herself, which runs parallel to her mounting desperation to get out of KL as Joffrey’s violence escalates. Developing a touch more of a jaded, skeptical side does sometimes clash with her enduring idealism and faith in other people (like with the Tyrells). This struggle is not a bad thing. The goal isn’t to become as cynical as the Hound, but to arrive at an earned optimism that has been tempered by wisdom and practical experience.

Her situation with Littlefinger is much more challenging than anything she faced in KL. He moves her where he wants her to go with complex web of lies, manipulation, grooming, isolation, coercion, dependence, guilt and shame. Her safety and desire to go home are tightly bound to being complicit in his lies and criminal activities. She feels indebted to him for getting her out of KL, even though his methods push her past her boundaries and force her to compromise her moral integrity. The thing is, there are things Sansa does know about LF, but she doesn’t seem to be ready to try and put the puzzle pieces together. She’s not daring to ask probing questions about Lysa’s reference to the “tears” and Jon Arryn or about the possible dangers of Maester Colemon prescribing sweetsleep for Robert’s convulsions. While the subject of Jeyne’s fate is still one she doesn’t want to revisit, somewhere in her mind she does know LF took custody of her friend. If it feels like this is somewhat of a regression back to her early AGOT self, there’s probably some truth to that; however, it’s perfectly okay for positive character arcs to be an imperfect progress. There can be relapses, regressions, setbacks, missteps, and misguided actions. All that growth isn’t lost. Everything she knows is just stored in the back of her mind, not forgotten completely. The general trend line moves her toward successfully confronting Littlefinger with the truth when GRRM is ready to pull the trigger. She’s definitely aware of Littlefinger lying to her more than she lets on and she knows his help is not out of the kindness of his heart, but motivated by what he wants her to be to him. But it’s not like she has the option to go anywhere else, does she? She’s a wanted criminal with a bounty on her head and has no other friend or ally in the Vale she can trust with the truth of her identity. Confronting LF without any means of neutralizing his power over her isn’t the smartest thing to do when he’s shown her he can literally get away with multiple murders. Again, it’s not just her personality that makes her hesitant to pull back the veil and face the horrible truth head on. The outside forces pressuring her perceptions and behavior cannot be discounted either.    

[mcrmadness]

Who is your favorite dä member to draw?

Hello and sorry for a late answer! I have been thinking about my answer despite not answering earlier :D

So, I think I have to answer: Bela. Mainly because I have drawn him more often than what I have drawn the other two, and his face just is... easier to draw? Like, his face is naturally very asymmetrical so when drawing him, the bigger challenge is to not draw everything too symmetrically! Usually it's extremely difficult to draw e.g. two exactly the same looking and same sized eyes, but his eyes are not the exact same shape or position even IRL so it's kinda easier to draw both eyes the same way they are in the photo. Cos you're, like, drawing two different things instead of a mirrored copy of something you already drew.

I know I don't know how to stop repeating things but I am bad with words so I usually say everything 3-4 times before I feel I have written everything so that it can be understood correctly.

So yeah, Bela's face is already quite unique the way it's easy to pick up certain features that will make the drawing immediately look like him. Whereas Farin has very... almost basic looking face? Like, he does't look like he came from a factory that produces German men but his face is still symmetric and "normal" enough to make it REALLY difficult to draw! There aren't any very strong features with his face that you could use with a drawing.

Think it this way: when drawing a caricature of someone, it's so much easier to draw a caricature of Bela or Rod than of Farin, because a caricature of Farin could be basically anyone unless you give him some charasteristic emotion like a really wide teeth-grin, or the eyebrow thing he often does. But with Bela and Rod you can just draw them with a poker face and it will still look like them because of the tiny characteristics of their faces. Those are the things that are missing from Farin's face and that's why drawing him is very difficult because the drawings always simultaneously look and don't look like him. A drawing of Bela or Rod could still look different but you would still be able to tell who it is.

When I'm drawing my comics, I usually have lots of fun drawing Bela because there is always a new different hairstyle that I can try to learn to draw :D For Farin it's always the exact same hairstyle, just a bit longer sometimes. And Rod is still bit difficult for me to draw and I actually should practice drawing him into my sketchbook at some point to really find the things I need to focus on to make the character look like Rod. Right now I don't feel like that looks much like Rod, you can mainly tell it only because Bela and Farin are there as well, and he's definitely not how I would draw Sahnie. (In fact, I don't think I have ever even drawn Sahnie?)

But I also have to say that I haven't really drawn Rod that many times in general. I haven't done a single photorealism drawing of him? But I have done several portraits of Bela, as well as of Bela and Farin together. This year I did draw one in my new semi-realistic style which I think turned out pretty nicely! Especially for it being the first time I have drawn Rod for something else than just for my comics. Also, I did some eye sketches with fineliners this year and I was surprised how Rod's eyes were actually the easiest to draw and it was the first time I had tried drawing even something slightly realistic of Rod. But the man also has some facial features that are great for caricature type drawing! Which is why he might be the easiest of them to draw, probably have to try doing a pencil portrait at some point, just out of curiosity!

But the question was not about whose face is the easiest to draw, but whom I like to draw the most. And like I already said there - I think I have to say: Bela. The amount of times I have drawn him tells something already :D And I really like drawing light colored eyes! I also used to like drawing hair and it was always the easiest for me to do when it's black, but last and this year I also learnt some new tricks and now I actually find the light colored hair easier to draw than dark or black hair :D It's because with these new methods, black or dark hair it's actually difficult to make it look like it was 3-dimensional instead of a just... a black blob of void. Whereas with blonde hair I can just add graphite, blend it and then "draw" on it with a pencil eraser and I get a nice, realistic looking blonde hair.

But enough of that. Each of them has pros and cons when drawing and some are easier for comics than others, but I usually have most fun when drawing Bela, and usually it talks half or third the time than what I use for drawing Farin.

Almost forgot: thanks for the ask! I hope you got your answer XD

[drummergirl231-2]

Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything. 

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy. 

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser. 

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges. 

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.” 

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.”  ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever.  One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated.  Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and  who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now. 

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders. 

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla. 

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

[apsaraqueen]

For the ask: Love & Sleep. I started listing questions and then realised there were only 5 I missed out, so... ALL OF THE QUESTIONS PLEASE. I WANT TO KNOW ALL YOUR BRAIN THOUGHTS ABOUT LS.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

There’s a lot of ways to interpret this question! In terms of substance, I wanted to write the kind of classic “the Shitennou come back” fic for Jadeite and Rei (my OTP, of course) that I’ve always wanted to read - something long and layered that deals with what happens after the initial shock, distrust, etc. of the return and delves into what the process of forgiveness and rediscovery might really look like. And to be clear, I’ve definitely read a lot of wonderful takes on this concept, it’s not new and so many other authors have done it better, but I haven’t found any that focused on my favorite couple (if there’s one I’ve missed, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME). And then stylistically, I just kind of wanted to write something...indulgent. For myself, really. Slow-paced, dreamy, gentle. I hope it hits the mark.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Boringly enough - the first scene! Where Jadeite, now called Junin, comes back, taking place on the grounds of the shrine. I had the image in my head for a long time before I started the fic.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I...have no idea. It honestly changes all the time. I’ll just pick a random one I like. It’s of Rei watching Junin (the reincarnated Jadeite) sleep. Not creepy at all, right? I like the level of comfort between the two it implies, and it’s just a tender, quiet moment with her thinking of him, and of what draws her to him.

Junin slept on his back, one arm tucked under his nape, the other tossed across his front; the length of his legs extended several centimeters past the rumpled sheets’ edge. A book propped on his chest bore an English title that made little sense to her. She knelt by his head, suddenly concerned he might be feverish, or taken ill. He wasn’t sweating, nor ashen. The priestess touched his forehead and found the temperature not dissimilar to her own.

Under her palm his eyebrows bristled, permanently arched where hers ran like the ties of train tracks. She felt fine sun-lines there that she couldn’t see. Against her fingers his hair was dense, grown now slightly off the scalp, lightened more from working outdoors. She took back her hand, put it in her lap. From time to time it still startled her, to be able to look at him like this, unrationed. Even here at rest, she thought there was control in his features, a kind of ruthless calm she’d never been able to help responding to.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

This is really hard because I wouldn’t call this a dialogue-driven fic. Why, you ask? Because I can’t write dialogue to save my life. A lot of this fic - maybe even the majority - exists between the spaces of what’s said, so the dialogue is pretty.........formless. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with this.

“I killed you,” she said, and couldn’t help but add, “twice.”

“You were right,” he told her.

“And I didn't want to,” she went on dully. “When you came I – thought you were a ghost.”

“You wish I were?”

“I wish I didn’t remember. What we did.”

“Them,” said Junin. “Not us.”

She said, low: “I wish we’d done – anything else.”

I liked writing this because while I definitely think there’s a part of Rei struggling to forgive Junin for what his past self did, I also think there’s maybe even a larger part that wishes none of it happened at all, that their history could be erased and they could start fresh, that recognizes culpability is often complex and not as one-sided as you maybe want it to be (this of course depends on how you headcanon the Silver Millennium going down - I like to imagine it wasn’t necessarily all Shitennou=bad, Senshi=good).

5: What part was hardest to write?

Urg. Writing the first Silver Millennium flashback was pretty hard. It took me forever to figure out the right tone that didn’t sound horribly stilted and Lord of the Rings-esque. Also hard trying to convey the differences between Mars/Jadeite and Rei/Junin along with the similarities. Rei, for example, is a lot more wounded and careful with her emotions, for obvious reasons, than Mars ever was. And while Junin is still capable of being somewhat morally ambiguous, he’s also genuinely a nicer guy than the more politically-minded Jadeite could be. I wanted to get that across without getting mired in irrelevant details about the past……….which I maybe need to save for another longwinded fic altogether. *bangs head on wall*

After the first flashback things fell into line, more or less, but I must have rewritten that first one, like, ten times.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s longer than 12,000 words! AND took me more than double that to get to any smut! In seriousness, I think this is the first multichaptered fic I’ve written since, like.............high school.

7: Where did the title come from?

From the poem of the same name by A.C. Swinburne. It’s quite sexy, and the woman described in it sounds very much like Rei to my mind.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Normally, with most of my fics, I’d say yes...but in this case, not really. Other than the food. I most definitely drew on real-life inspiration - delicious things I’ve eaten, particularly while in Tokyo - for the food. You’ll never find me writing a fic without some gratuitous food pr0n in there for good measure. The wagashi shop the girls meet at is based on one I visited while there, actually.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not really. You could say this is in some ways an alternate version of another fic I wrote a while back, Tragedia? When I wrote that one I had in the back of my mind that someday I should write the same concept with a very different ending...and here we are.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because I love them! And I feel like I rarely see them happy in fic (to be clear, I do love my RxJ angst, so that’s not a bad thing!). I wanted to write a story for them that felt realistic and for lack of a better word, adult - that progressed in a natural way. I wanted to challenge myself to do it in a way that was slow-burning and relatively low-drama but not boring. And I wanted to see if I could sustain the tension and intimacy that makes their relationship so interesting to write, without resorting to my usual go-tos of smut (at least not immediately!) and angst.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I’m happy with the atmosphere it conveys - sometimes moody, mostly serene. I worked really hard on that aspect and I feel like it maybe, kind of, sort of paid off!

12: What do you like least about this fic?

I wish it was wittier, more humorous in some places - I feel like it would add a sense of balance. That’s my biggest failing as a writer, I think; I really have no clue how to do comedy. I am not funny in the slightest.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I had just seen Call Me By Your Name when I started writing it, so a lot of the soundtrack for that. Mystery of Love in particular. Also a lot of Rhye.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Learn? No, I don’t think so. Just trying to put more of my OTP out in the world in hopes of inspiring more of it!

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

So much. Like I’ve noted above, this is the longest thing I’ve written in a long time and honestly I’m kind of amazed I’ve been able to stay motivated! Writing something longer requires, obviously, patience - you can’t just fire all your guns at once, you think of things you want to write RIGHT AWAY but then have to save them for later, you have to actually, ugh, have a structure………….this is all patently clear to a competent writer, but these are things I was pretty sure I’d forgotten how to do, so it’s been nice stretching myself this way.

Thank you for the ask, @coppercrane2 - this was so fun!

[kanene-yaaay]

I’m not ticklish!!

Kanene’s note: Yeah, yeah, I have like: two braincells to made titles and they are on vacations at this exact moment, sO-

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* Lee!Logan and Ler!Virgil (It can be seen as Romantic or Platonic Analogical).

* Hmmm… This is a Tickle-Fanfic! If you don’t like this kind of stuff, please look for another blog, there are plenty of amazing art in this site! Like, for real. It’s stunning! ‘u’).

* Something around 1500 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* I just realized I haven’t written any Analogical tickles with Lee!Logan, and???? S h a m e   o n   m e . So I finally decided to change it. It’s a very silly plot, but I kind of had fun writing, soooo... Someday will make a teasy tickle fanfic, I promisse xDDD.

* E a versão em português ainda está em reforma! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Play games, don’t cheat, run under some rain and don’t forget to drink water! Byeioo!~

                                [~*~]

 Thomas has a crush.

 - You aren’t tickling… however I can’t help myself but smile every time I’m near to you. – Logan stared at the computer, lightly biting his lower lip, habit that showed up only when he was nervous. – Do you think this is adequate?

 Virgil only dignited his being to roll his eyes, something that, even if the logic side wasn’t with his eyes captured by the severe amount of sites explaining about feelings, reading profusely every bit of information he could pursuit, the said wouldn’t be able to see since the purple lover decided to lay upside down in the bed, half of him almost falling from the furniture, being almost the fifth or sixth strange position he tried in order to best erase the pain in his back and attempt to change something due the enormous hours both spent in that same conversation.

 - Uhh. This is ridiculous. Are you really trying to find a flirt to every subject that could be brought up in a normal conversation? Tickles? You are taking this too far, and that is something coming from me. Go to sleep, Logan.

- Absolutely not. Any and every point can be crucial in a competition.

 Okay, let us recapitulate: Thomas has a crush and of course, the sides would take advantages of this. No long time ago, it has been proclaimed in all the Mind Palace the start of the ‘Love Games~’ what is, primarily, a series of challenges where who blushed first lost the match and a specifically amount of points (depending of the difficult of the challenge), however, it was possible to recapture or accumulate more points doing random flustering action through the day, as gifts, flirts, carts… anything that leaded the features of the victim be set in flames. Patton and Roman ganged up to explain how much this activity could be essential in order to help to build self-love and the others sides simply couldn’t find something to deny it.

 (Actually, Virgil could think in a great bunch of reasons why all of this could being a very bad idea, but now, think about it and convince them to stop when this competition would mean Free Crofters to Logan, Free Praises to Roman and just Patton showing them all the love he could give was a totally different story. Without telling that he would do anything to see Janus becoming a flushed mess and part of himself was kind of curious to see if someone would succeed in making the Gremlin Boy blush.)

 And, being really sincere, the one wearing hoodie was impressed with how much all the Light Sides matched with the Others in being competitive, until this day Roman already had made five serenates, Patton obtained a good amount of points only with his gifts and zero notion of personal space, Janus got almost everyone with his ‘Appear from absolutely nowhere, grabs your chin, stares intensely, grins, kisses your forehead and go away’ and Virgil kept himself well with his victories in the commons challenges. The embodiment of Flight or Fight instinct have no idea about what Remus was preparing, but as it seems Logan was trying to get in the ranking beginning and winning Flirt Wars.

 - Albeit, I believe you are correct. I’m not even ticklish for this saying.

 Virgil almost fell of the other’s bed with the astonished laughter that escaped from his lips.

 - I choose to ignore your mocking, thank you. – Pointed Logan, his voice in slightly traces of irritation.

 - Mocking? – The one wearing hoodie gave a half spin, sitting normally in a blink of eye. – I’m just laughing about something that clearly is a lie.

 - I think this is an information that doesn’t belong to you.

 Virgil scoffed, rising one eyebrow as he rested his chin in his hand.  

 - I am not ticklish!! – Logan repeated, feeling a bit childish with the tune chosen to defend himself, or perhaps it was the turn this conversation was taking.

 An evilly grin, a bit alike the Cheshire Cat, darkly gleamed in the other’s feature.

 - So you would mind a little… experiment, am I right?

 The logical aspect gulped, adjusting his tie and deviating their glare for a piece of moment.

 - A-absolutely no.

 Fingers quickly found way to his neck, scratching so lightly that barely touched his skin, going up, circling that exact spot behind his ears and appreciating the surprised squeal that floated from Logan’s mouth before focusing some special wriggles in that place. However, don’t taking too much before going down fluttering towards under his chin and in the base of his neck the best he could with the other shrugging and ducking his head in a hope to stop his big wobbly smile to be seen. Movement which also prevented the ‘not ticklish’ one to notice one of Virgil’s hands to travel to his back, being quick in landing spidery tickles in his lower back, sometimes slipping to give his ribs some pokes and prodding, something that finally bring up the babbled giggles to the daylight.

 - -Nahahahahahahahaha!! Viihihihihihihihirgihihihihil!! – And he squirmed, the sensation being as unbearable to ignore as too much good to escape. It was almost… relaxing. In a very electric way.

 - Tsc. – The anxious aspect let go a chuckle, still not believing in how the scene unfold before his eyes, albeit absolutely hypnotized with how the high squeaks and snorts intertwined the low giggles from the usually so contained side. Virgil’s thumbs applied a light pressure in the other’s spine, the attacker smugly watching how this leaded to a gasp as Logan jumped and arched his back, quickly starting to knead and buzz his fingers in each one of the ‘victim’ vertebras, following all the way up, totally unbothered by the, now very much increased, squirming. – And who would say that the embodiment of rationality just need some few tickles to become a helpless, giggly puddle, huh?

 - Shuhuhuhuhuhut uhuhuhACK!!! – The purple lover found a particularly sensitive space between his shoulder blades, being responded by Logan’s loud, and endearing childish, laughter as its owner struggled more to be free from the malefic, tickly fingers, obligating Virgil to wrap an arm around his waist and without mercy squeeze his hips in random, quick patterns. – NonononHOHOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHE-

 - But what is the matter, Logan? – His voice was a whisper, although not only because it sent shivers down his victim’s spine, but also because he wasn’t really certain that the one with glasses could really hear him in any other way with how much he trashed and crackled, as it seems these two spots being one of his most sensitive ones. – Didn’t you just said you aren’t ticklish? – He gave him a break, going to his ribs in spidering, soft tickles, being sure to surprise Logan now and then with sudden pokes between them. Logan used the opportunity to breathe more evenly, even with the giggly fit and flames that took over his body. – But…no! Maybe you were lying? Perhaps this… - The grin in his lips was almost perceptible in his low tune, the words slowly rolling over his tongue as he digged into his armpits and got a surprised yelp as answer, the giggles getting louder and switched to laughter as its owner shook his head, denying. – can tickle tickle tickle tickle you silly?

 The ‘I’m always serious, necktie!’ clapped his arms at his sides and hided his red face and wide smile in his hands. Virgil felt the grin painted in his face only get bigger. Now he was just making this too much easy.

 The one wearing hoodie took a deep breath and released a raspberry right on his poor, forgotten and defenseless neck, the vibrations hitting every single one of his ticklish nerves and leading to a serious shriek to run from Logan’s mouth.

 - VIRGIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIL!!! NAHAhahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaHA!! – Logan squirmed until finally escaped and fell in the bed: butterflies flying in his belly, smile from an ear to another, remain giggles, watery, shiny eyes and… a blush that painted his entire face.

 - Thank you for the new score, mister ‘I’m not ticklish’~ - Virgil teased as laid comfortably whilst the mattress, crossing his arms and using them as a pillow while closed his eyes and ignored Logan’s annoyed grumble.

 … And also the way his eyes instantly gleamed when they focused in his unprotected stomach and sides, an evil smile creeping its way to his lips.

[film-focus-mind]

my essay on autistic representation in the media

I wrote this for three months for my usem class, it’s just my opinions on what is wrong with most autistic media representation

Abstract

The representation of those with autism in the media is, simply put, stereotypical and deeply flawed. From depicting people with autism as eternal children, rude, idiotic, or genius savants, the media portrayals play into and perpetuate harmful stereotypes. This portrayal affects how society views autism, despite how consciously some people realize that the autistic representation is not accurate and socially harmful. If a character with autistic traits is shown in a negative light, people will form implicit biases and associate autistic traits as being wrong and bad. Media representation of those with autism has to change to be more accurate and less abusive and stereotyped. There needs to be better autistic representation for the sake of both neurotypical people and people with autism. Stereotypes need to be rejected and replaced with people with autism as being people.

Keywords: autism, media representation, stereotypes, Autism Spectrum Disorder

My interest in autistic representation is personal. My little brother Leo was diagnosed with autism at age three. Despite this diagnosis, he never knew he had autism until he was thirteen. Around that time, the popular kids show Sesame Street started featuring an autistic character named Julia (Cohen, 2017). Julia talked like my brother did: in short incomplete sentences and sometimes repeating what others had just said, she got upset when there were loud noises, and she could not stand the feeling of paint on her fingers. As Leo and I watched the show and the character’s interactions with others, it dawned on me that Leo didn’t know what he and Julia had in common. My parents never told him because they didn’t want Leo to feel different.

“Leo, do you know why you’re like Julia?” I asked.

“Why?” Leo replied. “Why” in Leo’s case also meant who, what, where, when, and how. 

“It’s because you both are autistic!” I explained. “Your brains both work just a little bit differently.”

Although the Julia of Sesame Street was created as a caring and positive role model, she’s one of the few instances of positive representation of people with autism on television. Most autism representation shows people with autism as rude, child-like, dumb, or worse. Many characters who are on the autism spectrum are quite one- dimensional. Having autistic traits has been portrayed in a negative light or in an overly simplistic way. Autistic represetation hardly factors the experiences of actual people with autism. If the media portrayed people with autism as equals, there would be dozens of Julias in mainstream media (Safran, 1998). How is the media portraying people with Autism Spectrum Disorder? How can things improve? What does this say about society’s views on autism? 

For clarification, the terms ‘high functioning’ and ‘low functioning’ are problematic and will not be used in the context of this discussion because those words hold a very discriminatory view of autism, one that prioritizes the neurotypical ways of functioning over other ways of functioning. In this paper, the terms autism and Asperger’s syndrome will be used to differentiate between the two distinctly different types of ways that autism affects people. It is important to remember that Asperger, the doctor whose name is used to describe a branch of autism, was a Nazi (Baron-Cohen, 2018). That historical association speaks great lengths about how autism is/was viewed, considering how Asperger describes autism. Asperger’s opinions on autism would be considered very outdated and insulting to contemporary people with autism (Draaisma, 2009). 

Portrayals of autism in terms of fictional characters can be split into two distinct tropes, which are infantilization (Stevenson, Harp, & Gernsbacher 2014) and the savant (Draaisma, 2009). The former usually applies to autism generally, while the latter applies to those exhibiting the characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome. Tropes are different character archetypes that group characters by their believed-to-be stereotypical traits. In a few cases of media representation, both tropes can apply to the same character, but for the most part they do not overlap. Both tropes only give a glimpse at the complexities of autism, usually leaving out autistic traits that can be seen as good.

To start, there’s infantilization (Stevenson, Harp & Gernsbacher, 2014), or for a better term, the eternal child trope. This trope portrays characters with autism of any age as child-like, and usually also naive or idiotic. These characters can be either autistic or have Asperger’s, but they act the same, naive, unable to focus, throwing tantrums, and generally interacting with the world in “innocent” and “unsophisticated” ways. Also, these characters typically have a special “obsessive” interest that they love talking about, some of examples of obsessive fixations are classical music, science, outer space, cartoons, trains, and dinosaurs. It is more harmful when adults are portrayed with this trope, as a person can be an adult with autism, and a mature autistic adult. We often think of neurotypical children as also having obsessive interests or naïve qualities, so the stereotype is not as blatantly discriminatory. Yet, when these are the only traits an autistic character has, that becomes problematic. This child trope creates a stigma of autism disappearing when one turns eighteen, or that people with autism are incapable of mental growth. Some examples of this trope that can be seen in mainstream film, television and book portrayals are Kirk from the television show Gilmore Girls (Palladino, 2000), Lenny from the great American novel Of Mice and Men (Steinbeck, 1965), and Amelie from the French movie Amelie (Jean-Marc, 2001)

Multimedia tropes are not the only case of infantilization of those on the autism spectrum. Most autism-based charities only show children with autism, effectively branding it as a children’s disease and leaving out the reality that many with autism are mature adults. In a study done in 2014, only eight out of 170 autism based charities had pictures that included adults with autism (Stevenson, Harp & Gernsbacher, 2014). When only children with autism are shown, it leaves out adults from the picture. Such absences also contribute to the man-child stereotype. When one only sees children with autism, and then meets adults with autism, they won’t be seen as the adults that they are. Adults with autism then get treated like children. Infantilization ultimately restricts the definition of what a person with autism is like, and the next trope does that as well. 

The next difficult trope is the savant (Draaisma, 2009). The definition of savant is someone who is good at one particular subject, at an almost unnatural level, but that other-worldly savant syndrome seems to come at a price. Characters with autism who fall under this trope are smart beyond their peers, but are depicted as being very rude and as lacking in key social skills. This character trope, like that which focuses on  infantilization, will show people have a special interest, like physics, medicine, drawing, learning languages to name a few examples, which they pursue with genius intensity and knowledge. These characters have friends, but are often depicted as being overly blunt and difficult or not nice to their friends. This kind of portrayal brands people with autism as being bad people and antisocial. Thus, the general public are led to believe that all people with autism must be rude (Safran, 1998). All people with autism are expected to be a know-it-all in one area, but are thought of as idiots if they are not. Some examples of the savant trope are Sherlock from the BBC’s television show Sherlock (Moffat, 2010), Paris from the sitcom Gilmore Girls (Palladino, 2000) and Sheldon Cooper from the tv show the Big Bang Theory (Cendrowski, 2007).

Sometimes, the savant trope is combined with the eternal child trope to create a doubly stereotyped character with autism. Typically these children are beyond their peers, but have trouble making friends, with a tendency to be alienated. An example would be Max from the tv show Parenthood (Holton, 2013). Max enjoys talking about beetles, wearing pirate costumes and he doesn’t like candles. When his parents find out about him being autistic, they resolve not to tell him of his diagnosis. Not telling kids of their diagnosis is bad because the children may be already feeling as if they are an outcast among their peers, but they don’t know why (Sinclair, 1999). Sometimes having information about what makes someone different can provide comfort in challenging situations. Keeping information like that from children with autism does more harm than good. It would deprive an understanding of themselves necessary to overcome their disabilities.

Another autistic stereotype is that autism affects more boys than it does girls (Lai, Lombardo, Auyeung, Chakrabarti, & Baron-Cohen, 2015, pp. 11-24). Most portrayals of autism on television are of males, effectively erasing autistic women from the narrative as well. This erasure actually has an effect on diagnosing autism because many believe that girls do not “get” autism. This also happens on a social level because females do not have the diagnosis that might help them understand their behaviors and social interactions at younger ages. With the bias of being a mostly male disorder, women with autism get diagnosed at a later age than their male counterparts (Bargiela, Steward, & Mandy, 2016). Many autistic women are not diagnosed until adulthood, which can set them back multiple years of working to get help with their disorder. Women being autistic is seen just as much of being an oxymoron as an autistic adult.

Autistic misrepresentation occurs even though characters are not explicitly stated as being autistic. When characters are portrayed with stereotypical autistic traits, they are understood by viewers as being autistic. When people see these traits being portrayed as dislikable, that may cause people to see those traits in a very negative light. This happens even before people with autism have a chance to prove those stereotypes wrong. In short, it doesn’t matter whether the word autism is used. Only the traits matter, not the label. 

How do autistic stereotypes affect people with autism? For starters, when people meet someone who shares traits with a negatively portrayed autistic character, people think that having those traits are linked with being a bad person (Safran, 1998). This leads to isolation, ostracization, and bullying. Stereotyping of any sort can be quite harmful. People will tend to judge all persons with autism they encounter in real life based on the examples they see in media. The general public will see what’s on tv and believe it to be true, even if subconsciously. It predisposes persons to negatively prejudge people with autism before meeting them.

People without autism are also hampered by these stereotypes by causing people with autism to struggle to find their respected and credible voice in social, educational and work settings. Successful interactions with people with autism require an unbiased and accurate understanding of them. These successful interactions are rendered less likely by stereotypical portrayals, which foster disrespect and distrust of people with autism encountered in real life. Everyone should want to treat everyone with respect, and correct their behavior if it is wrong.

People can actively undertake many strategies to make autistic representation more like Julia from Sesame Street, and less like every other character fuelling misunderstanding. The first solution is hiring actual people with autism as consultants for a show (Huws & Jones, 2010, pp. 331-344; Holton, 2013), ensuring the screenwriting matches up with the real experience of autism. Another way is to try to make a multidimensional and meaningful character, not a character who is merely a foil based on comic relief or being a challenge for the other characters. Autistic characters must exist as themselves, not as plot devices for other neurotypical characters.  

Another solution is to approach rectifying harmful stereotypes by using a character to educate non-autistic people about the realities of autism (Behind the Scenes, 2017). Upon seeing a character as a learning opportunity, research is done into the subject, and a more accurate portrayal occurs. People have a tendency to learn from engaging and considering fictional characters. Thus, making one accurate fictional character would do the most good when it comes to opening up people to the nuanced realities of autism spectrum disorder.   

.In conclusion, autistic representation in books, films and televisions shows negatively effects or influences therefore society’s general views of autism. These tropes are discriminatory and harm people with autism by spreading misinformation. There are many years of poor autistic misrepresentation that those in the media industry must work to undo.

References

Bargiela, S., Steward, R., & Mandy, W. (2016). The experiences of late-diagnosed women with autism spectrum conditions: an investigation of the female autism phenotype. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 46(10), 3281-3294.

Baron-Cohen, S., Klin, A., Silberman, S., & Buxbaum, J. D. (2018). Did Hans Asperger actively assist the Nazi euthanasia program? Molecular Autism, 9(1). doi:10.1186/s13229-018-0209-5

 Bringing Julia to Life [Behind the Scenes]. (2017, March 20). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhzfHVmSLRU

Cendrowski M (Director). (2007). The Big Bang Theory [Television series]. Los Angeles, California: CBS.

Cohen E (Director). (2017). Sesame Street, season 47 episode 15 [Television series]. Los Angeles, California: PBS

Draaisma D. (2009). Stereotypes of autism. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological sciences 364(1522), 1475-80. Retrieved from https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rstb.2008.0324

Holton, A. E. (2013). What’s wrong with max? Parenthood and the portrayal of Autism Spectrum Disorders 37(1) 45-63. In Sagepub. Retrieved January 29, 2019, from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0196859912472507

 Huws, J.C. & Jones, R.S.P (2010) ‘They just seem to live their lives in their own little world’: Lay perceptions of autism, Disability & Society, 25:3, 331-344, DOI: 10.1080/09687591003701231

Jean-Marc D. (Producer), & Jeunet J. (Director). (2001). Amelie [Motion Picture]. France: Canal+.

Lai, M., Lombardo, M. V., Auyeung, B., Chakrabarti, B., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2015). Sex/Gender Differences and Autism: Setting the Scene for Future Research. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 54(1), 11-24. doi:10.1016/j.jaac.2014.10.003

Moffat S, (Executive Producer). (2010). Sherlock [Television series]. London, United Kingdom: BBC.

Safran, S. P. (1998). Disability Portrayal in Film: Reflecting the Past, Directing the Future. Exceptional Children, 64(2), 227-238. doi:10.1177/001440299806400206

Steinbeck, J. (1965). Of mice and men: With an introduction. New York: Random House.

Sherman Palladino, A (Director). (2000). Gilmore Girls [Television series]. Los Angeles, California: the WB.

Sinclair, J. (1999). Don't mourn for us. Autistic Rights Movement UK.

[jjkfire]

me: i should totally finish up the final chapter of navy

also me: ok but like what about a wolf shifter fic where yoongi is an alpha and—

so here i am 3k words later lol

You had lost your family when you were young. A forest fire that claimed the lives of many in your pack. You don’t remember much from the incident or much rather you had tried to erase any memory of it. As the survivors were adopted by other packs, you had been put under the care of one that was willing to take you in. This pack was large, humongous, more than thrice the size yours was and you guess that’s why hierarchy was so important to them. There was an order to maintain, one that everyone inherently knew and one you would slowly figure out.

You had been just about 7 when you had joined the pack. They placed you in a home for pups just like you who had been found abandoned or lost. It was a loving home nonetheless, the foster parents doing their best to cater to almost 20 of you living under a very large house. You were timid, quiet and it took a lot of coaxing for you to come out of your shell but eventually, you did.

There was much to learn about the pack, and as if that wasn’t enough there were the two other packs you had to worry about too because in this area, there was an alliance between the three biggest packs, one that’s been in place for centuries now. That however, was something you would worry about at a later time. What was more important was first and foremost the pack you were living in. You had to get used to the fact that this town had a rather odd design to it. At its establishment, the pack had designed the town to have this ring-like structure to it. At the centre of circle, lived the Alpha family, the Mins as you would come to know. Then the next ring, were occupied by the betas of the pack, ranging from around 7-9 families. Next, was the amenities ring. Schools, supermarkets, the hospital, the park and etc made up the rather wide dividing ring which eventually, led to the outer most ring where the omegas lived. Coincidentally, that’s where you lived.

It took a while to adapt to living in such a large town, to live in such a large pack when your previous one only had 20 people while this one… this one was close to 300, maybe even more. You’ve heard that in other places, wolf shifter packs could reach even double the size, but you had assumed those were just myths, until of course you moved here. In any case, you liked it, liked the large sense of community you got from living here, even if the extent of the social hierarchy here took some getting used to.

Being a wolf shifter meant that the determinant factor of your status came from how fast you could shift and how well you could control yourself in wolf form. That single factor allowed for mobility within the ranks and it meant that a wolf’s rank was never really secure. The Alphas could be deposed of if they are seen unfit. Though they say the Mins have not been unseated from that throne in almost 100 years and it didn’t seem like that would change anytime soon either. What was more relevant to you though was that a wolf could climb from omega to beta and vice-versa. It happens often, is what you had been told but you had no desire to do any of that… and even if you wanted to, you simply couldn’t.

Your inability to shift to your full wolf form had not been much of a problem in the beginning, because everyone had that problem… of course barring Min Yoongi, who belonged to the Alpha class. But, eventually, everyone was able to do it, including the fellow omegas that you lived with. 

Some in the pack began to doubt your lineage, questioning if you were even a wolf shifter but under pressure you managed to shift a few of your features, like your ears, or snout and if you tried really hard, a tail too. It’s not until well into high school that you manage to shift into your full wolf form, albeit only for a short while, but it’s an achievement to you nonetheless. However, the fact remained that you would be banished to the omega class forever but to be frank, it didn’t really bother you. Being an alpha or beta never really mattered to you anyway. You were much too lazy to deal with all of the drama that occurs in the upper echelon.

Despite that, you had always been rather curious about the Alpha family. The Mins seemed quite level-headed and Min Yoongi in particular seemed rather… gentle, certainly nothing like your late brother, who was an Alpha himself. He definitely had the look though, the unothered, nonchalant, stoic look. One that said he could care less about the opinions of his peers. Yet, it couldn’t be farther than the truth because he was kind, not outwardly so but rather he was kind in the little things that he would do, like the odd occasional can of your favourite yogurt drink on your desk, or that nice set of coloured post-it notes placed on the top of your seatmates books. She had a penchant for stationery and it was obvious. 

There was never really any indication that it was him that put any of the random gifts your classmates would find, but you’ve caught him in the act a few times. Well, he didn’t know you were watching, but still. You assumed he wanted it to stay secret so you never said anything. All in all, Yoongi was just a nice, stand-up guy. He was the kind of guy that would give you his last sausage just because you liked it, even if it was his favourite. He was the kind of guy who would let you copy his homework, even if the two of you weren’t close.

He was loved by many, even if he seemed rather unfriendly at first sight. He was everyone’s friend and maybe that had to do with the fact that he never really bothered with the hierarchy and such when it came to socializing. In fact, you and him had been rather close in the first few years of you meeting his acquaintance. Often, you would go over to his mansion of a house to play board games with a few of your classmates or most of the times, the two of you would play together in the park on the weekends, wreaking havoc at the playground. However, as the two of you grew older, you both drifted apart. He had attempted of course, to maintain the friendship but by then it had become more apparent to you that the social hierarchy in place could no longer be overlooked, even if he insisted it wasn’t a problem.

As an Alpha, Yoongi had the last say. His actions and words were never really challenged and in all honesty, you and him could have still been close friends despite the obvious… distaste others had for that but, you decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. The betas, they never really had much to say when Yoongi was around, but they had made their voice heard very clearly when they approached you multiple times, reminding you of the order that was to be maintained in the pack. You were sure that if you had told Yoongi about it, he would have fixed it somehow but… could a single wolf really change the mentality that’s been in place for years? It was a theory you weren’t keen on testing out. In any case, those years weren’t bad for you, in fact you loved them. There wasn’t truly any bad blood between the classes but more of an invisible divide. All of you were friends, just… usually more often than not, closer to those within your own class. You and Yoongi still talked from time to time, a few interspersed conversations at parties, or school-wide events. The two of you always picked up right where you left off and it was nice, you guess, but the both of you never really ventured out of that semi-acquaintance, semi-friend sort of relationship all throughout high school. You were much too busy to give all of that much thought anyway. You had grades to keep up and extracurricular activities to participate in.

It wasn’t long before college was all that was on your mind, and with all that you did in high school, you managed to get a full ride to a huge state college a few hours away from your town. The thought of being so far away from the pack was one a lot of wolves struggled with, but you, you were more than excited to go. It was a rather prestigious establishment and shifters of all kinds fight tooth and nail to get in. Getting to meet prey shifters and even other predatory shifters was something you had always wanted to do. Without hesitation, you stuffed what you could into your large suitcase and hauled it onto a bus down to the campus. However, there was quite an anomaly you hadn’t expected when you got there, and that was to see Min Yoongi moving into the very same dorm.

Though you had not actively thought of experiencing all 4 years of college with the alpha of your pack, that was just the way things turned out. The both of you had initially found friends of your own but for some odd reason, the two of you seemed to gravitate towards each other and before you knew it, your group and his had merged into one.

College was a chance for you to step out and be your own person, to not be bogged down by hierarchy and you truly enjoyed that. You were given the chance to explore, to grow into your own person and perhaps Yoongi found it interesting to see you become… you. In his time at college, he too felt like you because although everyone could sense he was an alpha, things were less… regulated here. Prey or predator, alpha or omega, it was a level playing field both socially and academically. Of course, not having the bulk of the attention was something he had to adjust to but with that came freedom. He didn’t have to watch his back every second like he did back home, wondering if people were trying to get on his good side just so he would let his guard down, just so they could take over the alpha status. Maybe that’s why he somewhat disliked returning home for the summer. People would flock to him and sometimes it took a while to really suss out who he should keep around and who he should be wary off. Every day felt like a silent game of chess and he hated it.

Aside from that though, what he hated the most about coming home was how distant you were once the both of you got off the bus. It was that same distant friendship all over again, the polite smile when you see him in passing, the rare conversation when he saw you at say, the park or supermarket for example. Sometimes it felt like it was all in his head but once the two of you were back on campus, it was back to movie nights and lengthy friendly debates over dinner. It felt like you were a completely different person or much rather you offered him some watered-down version of yourself when you and him were home.

“Why do you do that?” Yoongi had asked once when you were sat on his couch, huddled impossibly close to him. Your eyes only flicker away from the TV for a second, barely taking in the question because you were far too occupied with the movie that was currently playing.

“Do what?”

“You— You ignore me whenever we’re home.”

“What do you mean?” You queried, turning to him to raise your eyebrow at such an odd statement.

“Well for starters, we barely hung out at all those 3 months.”

“I didn’t have the time,” You shrugged, moving to pause the movie momentarily. “And I know this is hard for your big alpha head to comprehend but you weren’t the only person I barely saw over the summer.”

“You had time for Namjoon though,” He mumbled, a low growl barely escaping his lips.

“Yeah and in case you forgot, it’s because Joon and I live in the same house,” You smiled. “We were stuck doing the same chores because you know, having more than 20 people under one roof meant that there was a lot to be done… Not that you would understand, Mr. Alpha who hasn’t had to do a single chore in their lifetime,” You chided, tapping him lightly on his nose.

He hated how you did that. You said the word alpha every time as if you were trying to remind him of something, as if the word had some connotation behind it.

He had simply let out a huff, letting you know that he was conceding, but maybe he had worded his question wrong. It was not the fact that you weren’t spending enough time with him that was the problem, it was more of how even when you did, you seemed to be holding yourself back, as if you were worried that anyone around you would see you and him as anything more than acquaintances. To him, it was ridiculous. The two of you were friends and what exactly was wrong with that? It’s a thought Yoongi finally understands when the both of you had graduated and begrudgingly moved on to join the working world.

The two of you had found different jobs in the city near your town, and so did most of your friends. Thankfully, it was only a short drive away, 20 minutes give or take but every time he passed the sign that welcomed him to the city, he would feel his burdens melt away. The city was much like college in the sense that shifters of all kind live there, no hierarchy in particular to keep mind off.

Transitioning from college life to the work life was... difficult but knowing that your friends were never too far was comforting. Come every Friday, you, Yoongi and your group of mutual friends would meet at a bar just to have drinks and catch up. It’s never really too rowdy, mostly just a few light drinks and some finger food before all of you part ways and head home. Though Yoongi usually offers you a ride home, you would normally decline and take the bus instead. He wasn’t really the kind to insist so he let it stay that way. Until of course, that one night when it happens to be someone’s birthday and for some reason, you end up drinking more than you should. With your mind in a haze, you can only find the energy to nod yes when Yoongi says that perhaps it was time to head home. When you sink down into the plush leather seat of his sleek sedan, you think that it’s not too bad of an idea, that you should take him up on his offer of a free ride home next time because this sure is a lot comfier than the bus.

Your eyes fight to stay open, your eyelids drooping to a close every few minutes or so as the soft music playing from the radio lulls you to sleep. You catch yourself nodding off to sleep a few too many times, in fact you feel like giving in already, but when you see the familiar green expanse of the park, you force yourself to sit up straight. Even though you’re light headed and everything around you seems to be swirling, you still have half a mind to tell Yoongi to stop right there at the entrance of the third ring. He doesn’t listen of course, so you pull the handbrake for him.

“Y/N, you live on the opposite end of the ring. Don’t tell me you plan on walking all the way there when I can drop you off.”

“You would have to drive past this side of the ring, then the second and then past your house, then the second again, and the third before finally reaching mine,” You say all in one breath, as if to emphasize how much of a hassle it would be.

“And? Why’s that a problem?”

You let out a sigh. The boy was clueless.

“They’ll be unhappy with me if you do that,” You frown.

“Who will?”

“Everyone.”

“Y/N—”

“Please, Yoongi,” You whine, pulling against the handbrake as he attempts to release it.

“Why?”

“The pack, they’ll be unhappy,” You mumble. “You’re an alpha and I—”

“Exactly, and as an alpha I’m making sure that you’re getting home safe.”

“They’re not going to like it,” You mumble. “They already don’t like the fact that I work in the city, at a corporation just as large as yours because typically only alphas get to do that.”

“It’s not your fault everyone is either too scared to go to college or too dumb to get in anyway.”

“You’re right, it isn’t my fault,” You huff. “But that’s just how things work around here. I just want to keep my head low and move away from here when—”

“What? You want to leave the pack?” Yoongi asks, more so growls, a snarl hidden at the end of his sentence, one that makes you pull your hand towards you, your head quickly ducking to avoid looking in his eye. Yoongi licks at his lips, swallowing awkwardly as he watches you cower away under his gaze. “I just— why?” He questions, this time his tone much softer.

“It’s n-nothing. I don’t want to leave really, I swear! I mean I was thinking of a short holiday, is all. I wouldn’t think of leaving the pack, ever. Why would I?” You mumble, nervously drawing idle patterns on the fabric of your pants. “Anyway, c-can I go home now?... Please?” You ask, pointing out of the door.

Yoongi knows you’re lying and he also really just wishes you’d let him drive you up to your home but you look like you want to be as far away as possible from him right now. At that thought, he only lets out a sigh of defeat.

“Fine,” He grumbles, unlocking the door. “At least send me a text when you get back?”

“Y-yeah, sure.” Is all you say before you practically dash out of his car and down the street. You seem to have sobered up plenty after that short conversation.

Yoongi’s car is still in the middle of the street but barely anyone is awake right now. He lets out a groan before he rests his head on the top of the steering wheel, annoyed that he let his temper get the best of him. But, to be fair, how else was he supposed to react? It was his pack you were thinking of leaving. Was his family not doing a good enough job at leading the pack? Did you think you’d be better off in one of the neighbouring ones? The thought made him angry for some reason, because was he not… enough? He knows it’s been a few rocky years for the pack, with on and off turmoil within the packs in the alliance but he didn’t think that would be reason enough to leave.

20 minutes later, from the comfort of his bed, he gets a text from you. Home! Is all that it says. He shakes his head at it because he could’ve honestly gotten you home in a quarter of that time. Well that and he would’ve gotten to spend 5 extra minutes with you of course… which is all he wants anyway. More time with you, that is.

[dotzines]

Artist spotlight: aaron!

✿ Commissions ✿ Ko-fi Tumblr ✿ Tumblr ✿ Instagram

header source: [X]

Introduce yourself I'm aaron and I'm a filipino artist in California! Tokyo Mew Mew was the first manga I ever owned, and my favorites are Ichigo and Lettuce!  I also love Kiyotaka Ishimaru from danganronpa, musicals, and the color yellow. When did you start drawing? Are you a digital or traditional artist? I've been drawing ever since I can remember! I used to draw random people, teen titans, or inuyasha. In high school, I got a hand-me-down wacom tablet from a friend and from there, I started creating my own ocs with backstories. I've been a digital artist since then. Do you use any traditional mediums? If so, which are your favorites? I use mechanical pencils and ballpoint pens. I really like using pink, blue, and purple highlighters to color in values, but recently I've been trying to collect actual artistic markers. I think they're calligraphy markers tbh, but they're double sided and they give me more colors so idc XD Why do you prefer traditional over digital? (or viceversa) I really like the accessibility of traditional- I can draw wherever I want, as long as I have a pen and paper. But for showing off my work, I'd much rather it be digital. Digital gives me access to so many colors and I can zoom in to create more details. It's also a lot cleaner than taking a picture with my shaky phone quality. What do you think is the most challenging part about being a traditional/digital artist? It's difficult for me to choose the correct colors. When I only did traditional, I'd only color in greyscale because that's what mangas did and that's all the colors I had. I can't really work with more than 3-5 tones/colors or else it'll get scared it'll look too busy. I always have to filter my colors to give them a little more life, because the first ones I choose are usually washed out. What inspires your pieces? I draw my ocs a lot! Drawing them in different ways and scenarios helps me solidify their designs and personalities. I will often have phases where I'll draw a LOT of my current favorite oc. Explain your "everyday" drawing process I'll either draw one single character in a flowy pose, or two characters interacting/posing together. I'll digitally sketch something out and keep erasing and re-drawing the lines on the same layer until I have my line art. I block out colors with a binary pen so that my basic color palette looks good and then select each color so I can put detail in it. Depending on how much energy I have, I'll do simple shading or I'll keep the lineart layer a little sketchy and just color over it for a lineless piece. I don't have a lot of practice with lineless because it takes a lot out of me, but sometimes I get really into it

image source: [X]

Do you have an artist you admire (or more than one)?

https://www.instagram.com/treindraws/ (lines/ colors)

https://www.instagram.com/pimikyuu/ (THICK lines, very cartoony)

https://www.instagram.com/thronekin/ (plush shaped characters, cute blush)

https://www.instagram.com/robobogart/ (designs)

https://www.instagram.com/fukashi_gimmick/ (recently followed, bright colors. interesting shapes/flow)

Is there an artwork you are most proud of? Why?

https://ubetaro.tumblr.com/post/182234099603/ubetaro-oh-mom-this-might-be-as-far-as-i-go

I really like this one because it's lineless and I put a lot of effort into the hair and giving it different colors

https://ubetaro.tumblr.com/post/181532773553/1shimaru-danganronpa-secretsanta

I am also proud of this one because it's TWO full body characters with a background and soft lighting. It took a lot of effort out of me but it was really satisfying to finish!"

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing? Yes! I listen to musicals, chill beats, or 80's/90's music. I can't hear what I'm thinking when the music is too jumpy and fun. I also get distracted when there are people talking, so I can't listen to films or letsplays when I draw

Johnny Balik - Honey khai dreams - through and through NIKI - I Like U Forrest. – Your Soul Lemon Boy - Cavetown Lyin' Eyes- Eagles Billy Joel- For The Longest Time Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love

image source: [X]

What makes art interesting for you? I like making things! I like how my brain comes up with things and i can make those things become a reality through my art. What do you do when art block strikes? If I want to draw, and my art is looking Ugly, then I draw big and messy. Whatever comes to mind naturally, I'll just put it down. I'll draw random people, or big anime eyes. I'll redraw something with a premade design so I don't have to think of the designs myself, or I'll draw someone in a spine-breaking pose and over-exaggerate the features. What’s the most valuable art advice you’ve ever received?

Experience things! When you experience things, it gives you a personal connection to use in your art.

[petrinazd84-blog]

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[wellesleyunderground]

Wellesley Writes It: Interview with Dr. Crystal M. Fleming ‘04 (@alwaystheself ) on her new book, HOW TO BE LESS STUPID ABOUT RACE

Crystal Marie Fleming, PhD, is a writer and sociologist who researches racism in the United States and abroad. She earned degrees from Wellesley College and Harvard University and is associate professor of sociology and Africana studies at Stony Brook University. Fleming writes about race, sexuality, and politics for publications including The Root, Black Agenda Report, Vox, and Everyday Feminism, among others, and she has tens of thousands of followers on social media. She is the author of Resurrecting Slavery: Racial Legacies and White Supremacy in France, which was published by Temple University Press in 2017, and How To Be Less Stupid About Race: On Racism, White Supremacy, and the Racial Divide, which was published this past fall by Beacon Press. Dr. Fleming is also writing a children’s book Rise Up! How You Can Join the Fight Against Racism, to be published by Henry Holt in fall 2020.

Wellesley Underground Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Shelly Anand, and Wellesley Underground’s Wellesley Writes It Series Editor, E.B. Bartels, had the opportunity to speak with Crystal about her new book, her evolving education around race and racism at Wellesley and Harvard, and her thoughts on the state of race and racism in the U.S., France, and the world.

Crystal: Thank you so much for taking the time to check out my book and to feature it on Wellesley Underground.

Shelly: We saw people talking about it on Twitter and both E.B. and I had a chance to read it over the holidays.

Crystal: Thank you for reading it!

E.B.: Of course! I am always excited to read a book by a fellow Wellesley alum.

Shelly: We were both interested in hearing about your process for how this book came about and when you realized that you wanted to write it. How did you make this book become a reality? What sparked the idea of I need to write a book about how people need to be less stupid about race?

Crystal: The short version is after the 2016 election I was feeling a lot of things: disbelief, despair, and anger, but also really motivated to write a book for the general public. My first book, Resurrecting Slavery, was an academic book, which was based on my dissertation. That came out in 2017. And while I was really happy with that professional milestone, I didn’t want to restrict my writing to a small group of academic specialists. So, I wanted to write something for a broader audience but I wasn’t sure what it was going to be. Then, finally, the idea for How to Be Less Stupid About Race crystallized in the aftermath of the 2016 election. As you can tell from the title, it was really about me being fed up with a lot of the racial ignorance I saw across the political spectrum. After I came up with the title and the pitch, I found a literary agent (Michael Bourret of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret), wrote a chapter that spring, and then really completed the bulk of the writing between summer 2017 and early 2018.

Shelly: E.B. and I loved the book’s blend of your personal experiences, pop cultural references, and citations to academic works in sociology and critical race theory. How did you find the balance in what voice to use, as both an academic and a younger black woman on social media?

Crystal: That’s a good question.  I would say that blogging and social media really helped me bring together the academic topics with language that could, hopefully, reach more people. I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to write clearly about my scholarly work and interests on social media, where millions of people have read my writing over the years. I wanted to write beyond an academic context so my blog was a space for me to reactivate my creative writing and to share some of my thinking in public and that was very different from strictly academic manuscripts. Once I started writing on my blog, and then eventually on Twitter, I developed a new way of distilling and explaining really complex ideas.

The great thing with social media is that people will tell you what they think about what you are writing. Sometimes folks will ask you: “What do you mean by that?” That helps with that distilling and clarifying. I started getting feedback from people and what I found was that a lot of people understood what I was saying, which was pretty reassuring.

Academics usually don’t receive any special training for writing in an accessible manner, so it took me a long time to develop that skill and find my own voice.  I really wish graduate schools and doctoral programs included more opportunities to learn to write clearly so that academics can broaden our teaching and impact, but instead we typically learn to write with a lot of jargon.

E.B.: Shelly and I also were hoping you could talk more about your academic work, before you started writing for a broader audience.

Shelly: Yeah, we were both also really interested in your dissertation and your research on white supremacy in France.

Crystal: Really?

Shelly: Yes! I’ve been to Europe and have experienced racism there as a brown woman. In France, people have always assumed that I am of North African descent. When I was reading Ta-Nehisi Coates’s book, Between the World and Me, and read all his glowing passages about the “lack of racism” in France, I got really annoyed.

Crystal: Me too!

Shelly: Coates didn’t touch on what Algerian French, Moroccan French folks have gone through. What Muslim French have gone through.

Crystal: Or black French people, right?

Shelly: Right, absolutely. You touched on this topic in your book a bit, but we wanted to hear your thoughts about this widely lauded writer, particularly on topics of race, glossing over the black French experience in his book.

Crystal: I found that part of Coates’s book annoying as well, but also pretty typical. I also understand it as a genre of African-American expat writing that fits well into the narrative white French people want to tell about their country. Coates is far from the first first black American writer to go to France or some European country and feel that they are experiencing some personal liberation from U.S.-style racism. That’s a long history.

Shelly: Yes, he definitely adopted from Baldwin. That was another question I had.

Crystal: Baldwin though was more sophisticated in many ways in terms of his racial analysis and his analysis of racism in France. I don’t agree with everything he says about racism in France. One of the things he said that was that the Arab or North African is “the n****r of France,” which is problematic because it erases black French people and France’s history of enslaving Africans and their descendants and building the world’s largest plantation economy and what would later become Haiti. But, nevertheless, Baldwin did have analysis of French racism. I know that Ta-Nehisi Coates has some awareness of it, but, in his book, I didn’t see any rigorous engagement with the work and experience of French people of color or prominent black French writers, for example, with Franz Fanon, to just name one black French intellectual, activist, and anti-imperialist who has been widely ignored in France but is well known in Francophone studies outside of France. So I was disappointed, but I was not surprised. It’s part of a long tradition. It’s understandable for me, but it’s lamentable, this tradition of black U.S. citizens myopically focusing on how well they are being treated and not paying attention to the racialized minorities, most of whom are there in Europe  because of a colonial and racist relationship.

E.B.: So, while we are criticizing Coates, another critique of Between the World and Me is that he was writing it for a white liberal audience. I know a lot of black people who have read his book felt like he wasn’t writing anything new, and clearly he was pandering to and writing for this white liberal crowd. You said that with your newest book you were trying to write for the general public, but who was the intended audience of your book?

Crystal: That’s a great question, thank you. I wanted to shift from a strictly academic audience to a broader audience to help educate and inspire people to mobilize against racism. But the way that I write, the tone that I take, the nature of my critique, the fact that I am wig-snatching people across the political spectrum, I thought, Wow, I am going to alienate a lot of people. I have no idea what kind of reader is going to be ready for this. I wanted to write the book for myself first and foremost, and I wanted to express what I had to say about racism and white supremacy and what I know about the topic from studying it in a way that was authentic to my style and that was reflective of my values and knowledge. I wanted to be uncompromising in that. But I also knew because my style includes occasional cursing and sentiments like fuck the New York Times, all of that presents a certain kind of challenge in figuring out who your readership is going to be. Although I wasn’t exactly sure what kind of reader could roll with my punches, I had some reason to believe there was an audience for this book. One was my community of enthusiastic readers on social media. Having tens of thousands of followers, as well as millions of readers, engaging and supporting my writing has been very powerful for me as an author. And I also had a lot of brilliant academic colleagues, scholars and experts on race and racism, who encouraged me to write the book and told me it was necessary. My girlfriend also encouraged me throughout the process, when I worried about how the book would land with audiences. To tell the truth, I’ve pleasantly surprised––throughout the book tour, and seeing people react to the book online––that it has indeed resonated with quite a few people. And that has been surprising to me, because I didn’t know who those people would be and I was sort of hoping they would exist! The response has been incredibly positive. The book has only been out a few months and it’s already sold thousands of copies!

To answer your question: It was not my intention to write to only a white liberal audience. The book explores my own reflexivity and my own difficulties dealing with and understanding these issues as a black woman, so my imagined audience included people like me: black folks and people of color, because we have a learning process, too. As I say in the book, no one is born woke, and no one is except from internalization of racial ignorance. We all have work to do. And for those reasons, I didn’t want to just write this for white people.

E.B.: Thanks for explaining that, Crystal. I always feel like you can tell the best writing is when the writer is writing for themselves, and people who get it, will get it.

Crystal: It’s tough though! Part of me wants to find the widest possible readership. Everyone wants to have a bestselling book, of course. But, ultimately, I am committed to saying what I have to say and in the way I need to say it. If you can hang with me and engage with what I have to share, that’s great. If not, it is what it is. I’m not religious, but I did grow up in a Pentecostal church, so, to paraphrase Jesus: “Whoever has ears to hear me, let them hear.” What’s really paramount is knowing that I have my integrity, which for any writer or artist or creative is really the most important thing.

Shelly: You were very self-reflective in your book about on your education in critical race theory. We were wondering about your education at Wellesley. You talked about coming into your own in terms of critical race theory in your 30s, ten years after your graduation from Wellesley. So how did your education at Wellesley start or not start that process for you? And what should Wellesley be doing to help students learn about these issues sooner rather than a decade after graduating?

Crystal: My time at Wellesley laid the foundation in very important ways, for my understanding critical race theory years down the line. When I write and speak about my education, I often say some pretty critical things about my experience at Harvard. Comparatively, I have much fonder memories about my undergrad education, though I can’t say I was particularly happy socially at Wellesley. But I learned about systemic racism for the first time at a sociology class at Wellesley and that was  life changing for me.  I took a course on African-American Sociology with Professor (emeritus) Judith Rollins, a black woman sociologist, and the course introduced me to the works of W.E.B. Dubois and other black sociologists and critical thinkers. At the time, I did not have the historical and political literacy to understand the significance of  all that work at the time, but it was an opening for me and it paved the way for me to eventually deepen my knowledge of race, racism, and white supremacy. For example, we had to read to read a book in Dr. Rollins’s class entitled The Death of White Sociology, an anthology that came out in the ’70s and, it appeared to me, I was twenty-one at the time, to be a super radical text. I didn’t understand why black sociologists had to write a book challenging “white sociology”. I didn’t realize the extent to which white scholars imposed their epistemological frames and practices to the exclusion and marginalization of black people and people of color. It would really take me a number of years to really  understand what occurred in the United States in the aftermath of the Civil Rights Movement. It was an era where it became increasingly difficult to discuss white supremacy because of the rise of empty rhetoric around diversity and inclusion, the myth that we have already arrived in post-racial america. As I learned much later, this was exactly the problem that critical race theorists were dealing with when the legal system and political culture pretends to be color blind.

The Death of White Sociology is really not taught widely outside of Black Studies and African-American Sociology courses that very few people take in school. I am one of just a handful of professional sociologist who have taken a course like that because it is not required. So indeed, Wellesley really laid the foundation and opened my eyes.

What can Wellesley do to improve? That is really good question as I imagine the context has changed somewhat since I graduated in 2004. I am not sure what courses are being taught now in Africana Studies and Sociology. We’d also need to know more about what the institution is currently doing to meet the needs of students and faculty of color. They can always do things to diversify, not just the faculty but also the administration. We can see that now with President Johnson, but frankly, it shouldn’t have taken so many years for us to have an African-American president. But diversity is not enough. We also need to make sure  our institutions, our educational institutions included,  are centering perspectives of people of color. It is not always a guarantee that just because you have brown black faces that you have radically different pedagogy, curriculum and institutional practices. This is all ongoing work.

E.B.: Great points. Thank you.

Shelly: There were two things I wanted to ask for our Wellesley Underground readership. I really appreciated your discussion of being a woke black woman in a biracial relationship. I know there are a number of alums, myself included, who are folks of color and are in social justice and racial justice circles and are partnered with white folks. I know personally people who are surprised when they learn that my husband is white. What advice do you have for people when they encounter that? And my other question is for people who are dating: what are the signs that you would look for in a white partner, that this person shares the same values as you? I know for me one moment was when I was in a mostly white space with my now-husband and a white person referred to another white person using the n-word and my husband called out that person. I was like ok I can be with this guy.

Crystal: Did this happen this during the trial period [of your relationship]?

Shelly: Yes we were still dating. We were at this party and a white woman called out to her friend hey my n-word and my husband was like woah woah woah you don’t get to say that! The woman said, haven’t you ever heard of reappropriating? And my now-husband said, you don’t get to reappropriate shit!

Crystal: So she was appropriating reappropriating?! Oh my god!

Shelly: After that, I realized that I could be with this guy. I didn’t need to do anything. So my questions kind of dovetails into two areas: dating white folx but also how white folks need to call out other white folks, both of which are topics you address in your book.

Crystal: Well, first, I definitely identify with people acting surprised when they learn you are in an interracial relationship. I was recently on C-SPAN and some ignorant woman called in to say your message is that you are hating on white people and I want to know what you think about interracial relationships, I would guess that you would hate that kind of thing. I told her I had a whole chapter of my book just for her--the chapter on interracial intimacy and love, where I actually discuss being in an interracial and interethnic relationship and share scholarship on the subject as well. There are people who have a really warped, racist understanding of anti-racist activism, who assume that people of color who want racial justice and human rights hate white people. It’s a deeply racist perspective and a typical racist trope. It’s absurd, offensive and it is gas-lighting. But you know, it’s also not particularly surprising, because racist whites accused peace-loving Martin Luther King of being a hateful terrorist. The FBI treated him like an enemy of the state. So we have to be mindful of that. I also think there’s a general problem, that your question is getting at, about white people being unaccustomed to calling out white racism. So when whites who are used to ignoring and tolerating racism encounter a black person or a person of color who opposes racism, many assume that person hates them personally. It’s a sad commentary on the poverty of their understanding of love––which seems to require keeping quiet about oppression. People with good sense and a functioning moral compass understand that being anti-white supremacy is not the same thing as being “anti-white”.

Shelly: I go through this with my children who are biracial––people say, how can you talk about white people when your children are half white? When I talk about white people, I’m not talking about specific individuals, I am talking about a system. And when white people get defensive, I always say, don’t make it about you.

Crystal: Very few people would ask women who partner with men, well, if you are dating a man, how can you talk about sexism? How can you talk about gender inequality if you are dating a man? Since when does forming a relationship with a member of a majority group mean that you can’t address power dynamics and critique the behavior of the majority group?

In terms of things to look out for when you are dating, I mean, I think it’s important to assess whether the people you let into your life have a moral and political commitment to standing up against all forms of injustice, including racism. There are very obvious things, right? Does the person you are dating or partnered with make racist comments? I mean, if they do, and you keep dating them, what does that say about you? I mean, that’s a pretty low bar. I recommend a higher standard. What are they actively doing to build a better, more just society? What are they doing to learn more about the experiences of marginalized groups? How willing are they are be self-reflective and check their own privilege? What are they doing to address discriminatory policies and practices in their community or workplace? How do they handle uncomfortable conversations about race, gender and other forms of difference? If they aren’t even willing to have the conversation, then what are you doing with this person?

Shelly: That is really good advice. I always tell my friends who are dating that they need to bring up something [about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.] so they know what this person is about.

Crystal: Exactly. You need to know someone’s politics. You don’t want to waste time dating  someone who is a committed racist or a transphobe. That’s pretty bad. At the same time, you know, I think we all have blind spots and problematic politics. We’re all learning. So being willing to get called out by--and learn from--the people we love and the people who love us is critically important.

Shelly: But POC are often burdened with having to be the person to bring up these issues, talk about these issues, explain these issues, in addition to experiencing daily micro- and macro-aggressions. So what are some self-care things that you do for yourself, and self-care tips you would recommend to POC, especially women of color?

Crystal: Self-care and community care is such a complicated conversation because it has to do with resources. My access to resources has changed over time. I remember what it was like trying to practice “self-care” when I was broke, and it’s a challenge. Of course, over the years, I’ve progressed in my career, and now have access to the more resources. But when recommending self-care we have to remember that we don’t all have the same access. That’s important to acknowledge, and the self-care conversation can get really annoying when that is not addressed. Therapy, for example, is a really important part of self-care, and I am grateful to have excellent insurance that allows me to access that, but not everyone does. Another part of my self-care is making time for my spiritual practice, which includes mindfulness and meditation. And also making time for fun and pleasure! I love to laugh. When some people read my book they may be surprised to find humor woven into a very painful and serious topic, but that’s because of the kind of person I am. I use humor constantly, my partner and I crack each other up every day, and taking time to laugh is really part of my self-care. I also love really good massages. I get a massage as often as I can afford.

Shelly: That’s actually what I am off to do right now!

Crystal: Good!

E.B.: Now I want to schedule a massage.

Shelly: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us, Crystal!

If you enjoyed this conversation with Dr. Fleming and you live in the Boston area, be sure to come to her talk at Framingham State University at 4:30pm on Monday, February 4, 2019! E.B. will be there!

[mayquita]

Maybe I Don’t Hate You

This story is @onceuponaprincessworld  ‘s fault. She said on Tumblr a while ago that she loved the "enemies to secret dating to lovers" trope and since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, so this is my little contribution. I don't even know if it makes any sense, because I wrote it in just a moment, but somehow I had to get it out of my head.

Summary: Emma Swan hates Killian Jones even before she meets him. But when he starts working with her, maybe her feelings change a bit. Or maybe not. At least not in front of their friends.

Also Ao3 Ffnet

@saraswans thanks for everything. This is unbeta’d so apologies for all the mistakes.

Emma Swan hates Killian Jones. She hates him even before she met him, when David, her friend and boss, informed her that his best friend from college — His I'm Mr perfect Killian Jones friend — was going to join the business as a new employee. Okay, maybe hate is a too strong word, but she can't stand him. Urg, why did David have to hire him and make her life miserable?

The reason is not that her demons in the form of insecurities begin to haunt her, screaming that he is a threat to her position — He got the record in capturing bail jumpers last year in London — No, she can’t stand his perfect face, his very blue eyes, his swaying, his continuous flirting and his accent. That's the worst of all. She can not control the reactions of her body when he is around. And she hates not being in control.

Killian Jones thinks that Emma Swan is insufferable. She hasn’t stopped pushing and teasing him since he arrived at the company, tightening the thread between them until it almost reaches its limit. He is sure that he had never had to bite his tongue so much before, roll his eyes or count to ten as with this woman. But Killian likes a challenge — and maybe the fire that emanates from her gaze and the passion she puts, even in hating him have something to do with it — that's why he not only holds up her pushes but also generates them.

Maybe Emma does not hate Killian anymore. Not when she finds every morning on her desk her favorite bear claw and a hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon. Not when he proves that he is really good at his work and not in the competitive sense but in the collaborative one. But that doesn't mean that she likes him. Nope. His intense gaze, his scruff, his expressive eyebrows and his perfect body are not enough either. Absolutely not.

After a few weeks, Killian no longer thinks that Emma is insufferable, quite the contrary. There is something about her that makes him feel attracted to her like a magnet, although he is still not sure what it is. Maybe her tenacity, her courage or her constant dedication to her job. Or maybe it's that lost look he sometimes catches when she's distracted, or the way her face lights up each morning when her eyes drift to her desk in search of her favorite breakfast. But she keeps pushing and he keeps challenging her, while Robin, their other coworker, rolls his eyes and David looks at the ceiling while both huff in exasperation.

They continue fighting.

"Swan! Tell me you haven't used my tickets for the football game as a notebook." "I was in an emergency and I had nothing else at hand." "The tickets were on my desk. In a drawer. Locked with a key."

She simply shrugs and rushes out mumbling an excuse, pressing her lips together in an almost unsuccessful attempt to prevent a wide smirk from appearing.

"How did you let that skip escape, Jones? It was an easy prey." "Maybe I was distracted thinking of you, love."

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, hoping for Killian not to notice the blush that has begun to creep from her neck to her cheeks.

 Killian has already been working with them for a couple of months when Emma can no longer deny the evidence. Although she will never admit it out loud, she may like Killian. A tiny bit.

Killian likes Emma. A lot. He actually feels quite fascinated by that creature full of contradictions. She may be the most badass person in the world when she tries to catch one of the criminals and the next minute she is able to transform herself, offering infinite tenderness and patience to Roland, the little son of Robin.

Thanks to David, he's got some small hints into her past, which, far from pushing him away, makes him feel more and more attracted to her.

"I know Emma can be a pain in the ass sometimes, Killian, but she has had a tough past, don't go so hard with her."

Mary Margaret, David’s girlfriend, also defends her best friend. "She has her reasons for behaving that way, and you better than anyone should understand her."

He does, of course he does. He also had a hard past, full of suffering and loss, but, following the motto of his passed brother, a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. There is nothing he wants more than to know Emma better, to know those little —or big— secrets from her past that make her the person she is now, to discover what makes her laugh, what makes her cheeks to flush and how could he get to her heart.

The moment Emma realizes that she likes Killian maybe too much comes unexpectedly on a day when they team up in a stakeout session. Killian is teasing her, as always. — " I'm just trying to distract you, love. " — He smirks at her after one of his usual banter when something seizes her, causing an uncontrollable desire to erase that smile with her own lips.

And she does. She pulls him and captures his lips with hers in a demanding kiss, to which, luckily, he responds with the same enthusiasm. And just like that, they start making out in his car, their lips and hands anywhere, their surveillance completely forgotten. At least on her part.

Killian, the bastard, turns out to have the ability to make her blood run hot and, at the same time, keep an eye on their target. Just as she is about to straddle his lap, he breaks the kiss and points towards the street. "What do you say, darling? Are you up for a little ride?" He suggests, his voice still heavy after their previous activities, his cheeks flushed and his eyes even more blue, watching her with intensity while his lips, those that just a few seconds ago were on hers, draw a smile that does not exactly invite to run after a guy.

But she is a professional, so after a sigh of resignation, they prepare to catch their prey. They do it in record time. Maybe the adrenaline that still runs through their veins acts as an ally to make them achieve their goal. For that reason, when they make the corresponding arrangements and deliver the guy to the police, they celebrate it with another session of making out, right in front of their office.

By the time they arrive at the office a little later, David gives them a mixed look of reproach and resignation, while addressing them in his best bossy tone. "Guys, at some point you're going to have to stop fighting."

"That's not..." Her voice trails off when her gaze drifts towards Killian. He looks wrecked and a little agitated, just as he would look after one of their fights. Emma wonders if she has the same look as she presses her lips together to avoid the laughter bubbling in her chest. An idea crosses her mind at that moment, she has no intention of stopping fighting with him at any time soon.

Luckily for him, that first kiss  —several searing kisses, actually — is not a one-time thing, but a promising start. It's as if something had taken hold of them, as if the attraction between them had multiplied and once their lips came into contact they are unable to keep them apart. At least in privacy. That intimacy also allows Killian to discover that Emma's innate fire and passion while fighting intensifies when they carry out much more pleasurable activities.

The problem? That blooming relationship between them only exists when they are in private.

"It's better that we keep it a secret." Emma assures him, although he is not entirely convinced. "You already know that David doesn't approve relationships between coworkers." She insists in that stubborn way of hers. To prove her point, she reminds him of the Graham incident . He was a former co-worker who fell hard for her and went from being a competent person to a complete mess after her rejection. "Besides, it's not that we're together, or anything like that, it's just... you know what I mean."

He does. It's sex. But it is also much more than that. It's spending lazy afternoons cuddled on the couch, it's sharing their past stories under the shelter of his apartment or hers, it's sharing furtive looks and stolen kisses in the office when nobody notices. It's to continue fighting in front of everyone while he imagines the feeling of her body under his between the sheets. But he is a patient man, and he knows that Emma will realize that too sooner or later.

"I'd like to ask you a huge favor, Emma." Mary Margaret says one day while they are having lunch together. There is an apologetic expression on her face that triggers her alarms. Emma looks at her through her narrow eyes and tilts her head, waiting for her to continue. "Right now David is asking Killian to be his best man at our wedding."

"Uh huh," Emma replies, not surprised by what she has just heard. But there is something else, she can tell because Mary Margaret fidgets in her seat.

"Since you will be my maid of honor, it would be too much to ask that you bury the hatchet at least for a while, pretty please?" The voice of her friend comes almost like a plea, causing in Emma a desire to break into laughter. She quickly schools her features, though. She is not yet ready to give explanations to her friends.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." She lets out a long sigh. "We may not get along quite well, but we'll make an effort, for you guys."

"That's wonderful, thank you, Emma." The smile that Mary Margaret gives her has the ability to warm her heart. If she only knew...

Later that day, as she lies in her bed cuddled in Killian's arms, she thinks about the wedding and in the torture that will mean having Killian so close during the whole event and not being able to interact with him the way she would like. No kisses, no hugs, no dancing. Shit ! Suddenly it no longer seems so good idea to keep the secret. "We could simply confess." He mumbles, hot puffs of air caressing her skin. Damn him and his ability to read her mind.

She doesn't feel ready yet, though. Or maybe it's the fear that everything they share now may disappear, as if being protected in their own bubble isolates them from the world. But sooner or later they have to get out of the bubble and better do it of their own free will than to wait for the bubble to explode for other circumstances. After the wedding , she promises herself in silence.

This wedding is being a bloody torture, Killian thinks as he silently watches all of Emma's movements. She is ravishing tonight, which makes it impossible for him to look away from her. Frustration creeps over him, though, since as the hours pass his need for her increases. At least he will have his reward when everything is over and he can sneak up to her hotel room and make that bloody dress disappear from his sight.

Just at that moment something catches his attention, Mary Margaret is about to throw her bridal bouquet and there is already a group of lasses gathered around her, eagerly waiting to catch the bouquet. Emma is distracted, however, chatting animatedly with Robin and Roland, without paying attention to what happens a few steps away from her.

Suddenly, it's as if he saw the scene in slow motion. Mary Margaret looks around until her gaze locates Emma. Her lips draw a wide smile then and, without even bothering to turn around, she throws the bouquet in a specific direction. The flowers reach their goal, to Mary Margaret's delight, who squeal excited, and to Emma's surprise, who looks at the bouquet as if it had appeared out of nowhere.

After her initial shock, Emma seems to react, grabbing the bouquet tightly while her gaze travels across the room to meet his. Only then does she smile, with that special smile dedicated only to him. Killian cannot resist it anymore. In only two strides he appears in front of her, and without thinking twice, he captures her lips with his in a searing kiss. Emma reacts with the same fervor while the two get lost in the feeling of being in each other's arms as if nothing else existed around them.

It's Killian who breaks the kiss to catch his breath. To his relief, Emma doesn't seem worried about having revealed the secret in this way, by sharing the kiss in front of all their friends.

"Maybe I don't hate you after all." She simply says as she arches one of her perfect eyebrows.

"And maybe I love you."

"Just maybe?"

For all answer, he kisses her again, hoping that the kiss will be promising enough of what is to come when they are in the shelter of their room and he finds infinite ways of saying I love you , both with his voice and with his actions.

A year later they keep fighting and teasing each other.

"You look horrible today, Jones. Do you think you're ready to catch the bad guy?"

"Someone kept me very busy last night, Jones." He makes an exaggerated emphasis on the name while waving his eyebrows. "And I'm always ready." He winks at her earning a roll of eyes on her part.

David huffs at his side as he throws his arms in the air in exasperation. "I don’t know if I prefer when you two fight or when you behave... that way."

Emma and Killian look at each other and, as if they read their minds, they both respond in unison. "Both."

Thanks for reading :) 

[imadeletingmysocials]

Here’s my little Fallout New Vegas modding guide

Modding new vegas is a bit more tricky than some other stuff because it recquires some very specific out of date stuff and manual handling sometimes. Remind yourself that sometimes if a mod isn’t 100% working it’s because the rar file came with a loose file you need to specifically put in the folders rather than just using a mod manager to load it.

Important things to install:

FOMM - I learned the hard way that NMM although more accessible is very weak, FOMM is strong and overwrites permissions, actually being able to install mods properly, sometimes NMM won’t even install textures because it didn’t get all of the permissions or something.

NVSE - It’s a way to extend the limited engine of New Vegas, it is an exe file and loader that opens New Vegas, if you have it extracted to your Data folder you’ll have FOMM have a “launch NVSE” in it. You’ll need this to practically run anything. 

Mod Configuration Menu - Neccessary to configure many mods, sometimes other mods overlap with this by trying to insert their own version of MCM, just fix that by re-activating this mod in the end.

Anything else will probably be recommended by Nexus before you download something.

Mods I recommend:

Solid Project - Do you like Fallout 4′s little tweaks but like a sane person know it’s a badly designed and paced game? Well There’s something called “Solid Project” that does a lot more than that, it adds a few Fallout 4 mechanics but most importantly goes well with “enhanced camera” and gives you animations of going out to open doors, climb ladders and pick up things with your hands! 

It also has a super useful weapon wheel (that you activate with mouse3) that you equip each slot with R and a quick inventory you can leave with K, the little item menu reminds me of Tomb Raider for PS1. Oh and each special item you pick up spins around in 3D, there’s a lot more too like the dynamic quest markers from Fallout 4 but unlike Fallout 4 you cannot un-mark a quest so you’ll have to get a empty quest mod called “The Quest” in case you don’t want “300meters afar” always on your screen.

 All it’s missing is the quick menu from Fallout 4 which is found seperate but is a must-have to anyone wanting some more fast gameplay: Fallout 4 Quicklook

Roleplayers Alternative Start - Start in a shed where you can customize your character a little more quicker and even give them some backstory that can give some extra stats. It might be a bit weird because the pacing of New Vegas is specifically done in such a way that makes you start in Doc Mitchell for your own good, it might put you somewhere where you are underleveled but if that bugs you, you can practically start in the same place rather than randomly.

FOOK - The only overhaul mod I seem to use fully, it changes the little things in games such as making items change their stats, it’s not too unfair, the changes are fairly little and it’s usually stuff like “why does this item not do this” and this game does it, it also fixes a lot of bugs, adds a few items and changes the texture for the stimpack.

As far as overhaul mods go, this one’s fairly simple and runs well with all of the other mods I ran, unlike other overhaul mods where you can only run them alone for a seperate playthrough. It’s important to note that this overhaul mod comes in 2 files, you need the esm file and the data file, run both or else you’ll have missing textures and a lot of issues.

Project NEVADA - The most recommended overhaul one, keep in mind that after installing you have to manually activate the esm files. In terms of immersion it gives you that cool visor vision that might annoying for many, and it does kind of make the HUD stuff stuck in place which nullifies aHub a little bit (talk about later), but it does improve stuff like FPS mechanics like a grenade button (G). 

I dissagree with the re-balance esm file though so I recommend disabling it since I’m too used to everything New Vegas. If you add this mod and realistic headshots, the slowmo function where you press C to slow down time gets REALLY fun and challenging, changes the whole game into a more strategic FPS game rather than a RPG one.

NVEC Complete - Considering how finnicky New Vegas is sometimes when it comes to adding a lot of mods without them clashing and overloading the engine, NVEC Complete is a easy way to just bundle everything toghether. It’s a exe file that installs a compilation of some of the best user-made mods that you can turn off in the mod configuration menu. There is a lot to cover here but it includes most famous quest mods.

Blind - Wanna make New Vegas look like more of an RPG? How about numbers popping out showcasing how much damage you make? If some specific numbers coming out of specific places annoy you, you can just disable them in the MCM. I don’t like the “heal” effects, I just want the damage numbers on enemies, I never knew my fists only did 1 HP of damage towards radscorpions before this.

Textures and other aesthetics:

NMCs_Texture_Pack - Honestly this has probably been used by about everyone, it is THE texture pack everyone uses, comes in 3 big 1gb files, takes a while to load them in FOMM but they do make everything look nice.

Wasteland Flora Overhaul - Based on an actual study of the flora of Vegas, and considering New Vegas is nuclear missile hit free, it’s realistic that New Vegas would actually look like this. Also the textures are very nice and I really like the plants.

A Familiar Friend - Pip-Boy 2500 - This really makes the pip boy more interesting and it makes me feel more connected to the classic Fallouts, in fact a lot of the replacements or additions I have in textures is making the game feel like more of a original Fallout and that Fallout 3 never happened, stuff like:  Classic Adobe Buildings is great because it’s more true to the lore.

Fonts:

Fallout Classic Fonts  To spice up your new experience you may want a new font because Fallout’s New Vegas font is kind of ugly after a while, I use “Fallout Classic fonts”, keep in mind that you do have to follow extra instructions on how to set a new font, you need to go to Fallout.ini in your “my games” folder and edit the [Fonts]. Usually there’s a text file to help this process, also I’m pretty sure most font mods can only be loaded through FMM. 

HUD:

aHud is a must (Or it’s upgraded counterpart if you want more:  One HUD - oHUD that includes more features), you can organize your hud that way, you can get some custom huds, the one I use is cellHUD which is a bit finnicky because one of the versions of that HUD is the main file needed for the second version (install the non-icon version then icon if you want the icon version).

Also I’m pretty sure (or at least mine) custom HUDS do not erase text such as “HP” or “AP”,  you'll need to edit  \Steam\steamapps\common\Fallout New Vegas\Data\Textures\Interface\interfaceshared0.dds ...A dds file is something you can edit like an image. Nevermind you will never get the HP text out of your hud apparently? 

Animations:

Get Enhanced Camera, seriously, it’s very cute to always look down and see your body, it sometimes clashes with other animations but just keep your head up if you are doing common FPS things like the pick up animation from Solid Project.

I use Weapon Animation Replacers - Enhanced Camera compatibility pack, it makes me feel as if I’m in the game or something.  (The Mod kind of is broken combined with other mods that use animations) It’s not everyone’s cup of tea in FPS games because the weapon is realistically low and cannot be seen all the time unless you are aiming down it’s scopes. Be sure to copy  NVSE_EhancedCamera.ini in the rare towards the NVSE plugins folder in New Vegas’s data and you won’t have a wonky body with no arms. If anything follow the good instructions on their page.

ENB:

If you got a PC that can run Nier Automata in it’s lowest settings chances are you have a PC that can run a pretty neatly modded beautiful New Vegas that adds modarn things like better shadowing, a fancy depth of field. I recommend installing an ENB for last because some say that it might cause issues while you are configuring mods and cause them all to crash? 

So your ENB only starts working when you see in the corner your graphic card information at the start, to be able to do this you gotta follow instructions very clearly (usually each ENB you get has it’s own easy to follow install instructions), and be sure to get d3d9.dll from the latest version: enbseries_falloutnv_v0322, or else your ENB won’t work.

Add to enblocal: in my case it is “VideoMemorySizeMb=8192″ (the ENBlocal should be the ENB pack you installed from Nexus or something, unless it won’t have this option), you can put your graphic card ram in there or just put 0 if you want to skip this entirely?

Important: Go into the New Vegas Launcher and turn off anti-aliasing and anisotropic filtering, HDR needs to be checked, go into Advanced and turn off Depth of Field, Water Displacement off, you need to do this because the ENB reprograms this things, now when you use the new vegas launcher your fallout.ini file becomes read only again, so do the fallout.ini stuff (like the fonts). 

You’ll know you’ve hit your limit when certain mods just do not respond anymore. The most obvious sign would be lack of custom HUD if you are using one. Considering New Vegas loads fairly fast, it shouldn’t be that painful to test each mod individually. 

Anyways I got kind of lazy with this post so I’m just going to show a list of my mods since the rest is fairly obvious:

Some Stuff I had in NMM which might be the reason why they’re not 100% working unlike the ones I put in FOMM. 

[repairbuy]

Common Mobile Problems and Solutions by Phone Repair Online

Falling in love with an android phone is easy. It's a beautiful design, power, and impressive features.

But even this extraordinary phone has its drawbacks. Therefore, I have prepared an exhaustive list of solutions to the most annoying phone problems by Phone Repair Online.

The problem with restarting applications

Many users are frustrated with apps not working or staying frozen even though the device has available RAM.

It is not yet known what causes these problems, but you can try several different ways. Here are some solutions.

It's a good idea for overall performance and battery life to disable or uninstall apps that you don't use regularly.

The Facebook app is a big consumer of memory. If you can live without it, you will probably see a significant increase in productivity.

A software bug may cause the problem. Android independently launches updates to fix such issues, but if you have disabled this functionality, then go to "Settings" -> "About device" and go to the "Download updates manually" section.

Battery problem - low life

Many users have battery performance issues. The phone boots up quickly, but it also runs out of battery fast, and some smartphone and tablet owners can't end the day without recharging. Here are some guidelines on how to fix it.

First, turn off the features you are not using and set the screen brightness to the lowest you can read.

Background sync consumes battery power. If you do not need it, then go to the "Settings" -> "Accounts" menu and close all unnecessary.

All users report battery improvement after turning off WiFi. Therefore, if you do not use it, open "Settings" -> "WiFi" -> "Advanced" and turn it off (Smart Switch Network).

Some users have reported that connecting to a 2.4GHz WiFi router instead of 5GHz will reduce battery consumption, but it will also slow down the connection speed.

Another solution is to turn off notifications and all applications that are not in use.

You can also try deleting the cache - sometimes it helps and, of course, adjust the volume (the lower, the better for the battery)

If it doesn't work, you must contact the Phone Repair Online service provider because the battery can get damaged permanently and should be replaced.

Problem with slow WiFi or self-shutdown

Many users have WiFi issues when buying a PC - an android phone is no exception. There are many possible reasons for the WiFi problem. Here are the possible solutions

Restart your phone and router. It usually works, but the solution is not final.

Go to Settings -> WiFi and see if it's enabled. If the problem persists, use the application, WiFi Analyzer, to check the degree of congestion of the channel.

Check if the MAC filter of the router is turned on, turn it off, or add the MAC address if required by the provider. Find it in the Settings -> Wi-Fi -> Advanced menu.

Problems with the accuracy of the GPS navigator

Some people complain about the lack of GPS accuracy. Start by setting high fidelity in Settings -> Location. There are other possible solutions as well.

If you have turned on the enhanced power saving mode, then try turning it off. Next, select any app that uses GPS and clear the cache.

To determine if there is an error, perform a GPS test. Ideally, you should compare the results with another phone.

If you are not getting identical satellites, there may be a hardware problem. In this case, I recommend contacting the manufacturer's service.

You can try a factory reset. Go to Settings -> Backup & reset -> Reset device -> Erase everything.

Android phone startup problem

In some people, the android phone won't start. Do not worry. It is probably not an insoluble problem. Here are the possible solutions.

Hold the power button for at least 10 seconds - it should start.

Try plugging in the original charger and keep the phone on charge for at least half an hour. Then, hold the power button for at least 10 seconds.

Try to access the recovery menu and do a reset. 

If the phone does not start after all this, contact the company's service - there is no other solution. Although it could be hard, you can take the help of a Phone Repair Online service provider. They will come to your doorsteps and fix any problem.

A broken screen is one of the most common mobile problems. Click Here to Read: 

Best Methods to Repair a Broken Mobile Screen by Mobile Repair Shop

Screen problem - shining too bright.

Some users reported a situation where the bright screen stays on all the time. It has maximum brightness - in a dark room, it is easy to see everything. This problem causes the battery to drain more quickly. Here is the solution

The developers are aware of this issue and have found a solution that is achieved through an update. Check in the menu "Settings" -> "About device" -> "Software" -> "Update".

The fingerprint scanner on the phone is not working.

Android has a lot of problems with the fingerprint scanner. Most users say that the scanner does not recognize their fingerprints, although it has worked fine so far. What solutions are there?

After several recognition failures, you will be able to access your phone through your Google account.

This method alone will most likely not work if 2-step test protection is enabled.

You need to access your Google account on another device to disable this feature. To do this, go to google accounting and open security.

You can always do a factory reset, but you will completely erase your data, so use this method as a last resort.

Before trying the above, it is worth holding the power button for 10 seconds to restart the phone. Then, try to unlock your fingerprints again.

It could be hardware damage that can only be fixed by Phone Repair Online.

Screen sensitivity problem

I've received quite a few messages about screen sensitivity issues. Most found that some screen regions were more challenging to respond to when touched with a finger. It can be checked by dialing * # 0 * #.

Other solutions. Reboot your phone. If you are using a glass or a screen protector, try removing it.

You can check if a particular app is a problem in Safe Mode by restarting your phone.

If this problem goes away in safe mode, then some application is probably the cause. Then identify it or do a factory reset.

Problem with contacts

It is a common mistake and easy to fix. Go to Settings -> Application Manager -> All -> Contacts. Select clear cache and data. Restart your phone.

It can also be caused by another application that is trying to access your contacts.

For example, many people who have this problem have disabled the Google + app, and the error has disappeared.

Start your phone in Safe Mode and check if the error is resolved to determine if the application is the problem.

Also Read: 

Things To Do Before Mobile Repair Doorstep Services

Problem with sound volume during a call

Some Android smartphones have complained about too low volume during a call.

The problem is that the caller's microphone or the receiver's speaker is not working well. What solutions can be taken?

The problem can be hardware damage or software issues. The hardware damage can only be fixed by Phone Repair Online, and for software issues, you can do:

Use a Bluetooth headset or headphones. This way, you will be able to check what the hardware problem is.

If the sound from the headphones is good, the problem may be with the speaker. You can also turn on the loudspeaker to check.

Use a soft brush with compressed air and clean the speaker hole. The logical solution would be to increase the sound volume.

Go to Settings -> Memory and delete the cached data. If the problem persists, try a factory reset.

Email issue

Android has several email questions. Some report that email is not working as expected, while others have synchronization issues.

In extreme cases, emails don't arrive at all. What are the solutions? Some blame the email attachment.

You can try using an alternative app like Gmail or Outlook and see how they behave.

The first thing to try is to remove your email account from your phone and then restart your phone and sign in again from the beginning. It often solves the problem.

Last solution, factory reset. If it's an email at work, talk to your IT department.

Performance issue

There is nothing worse than a phone that is sluggish and not immune to this problem.

If you start noticing that your android phone takes a long time to open apps or move from one screen to another, there are simple solutions worth trying.

A factory reset is probably the best way to fix this problem, but a few simple things don't erase your data - you should try them first.

The first thing you should try is to restart your phone—Press Power and then select Restart.

Restarting can only be a temporary solution, so if you notice that your phone is getting slow again after a few days, wipe the recovery partition cache.

If problems persist, try disabling animations. Then, go to settings and select "About phone," usually located at the end of the menu.

Then click on the build number 7 times. Finally, a message appears on the screen stating that developer options are enabled.

Return to the Settings page: select Developer Options and Animation Scale.

They are set to 1x by default. Of course, you can customize these parameters. If your phone continues to run slowly, it's probably time to reset it to factory defaults; make a backup.

Overheating problems

Have you found that your phone is warm or hot to the touch? Then most likely, his processor is overloaded.

It usually happens during graphics-intensive games. Leave your "rest" for a few minutes to cool down.

It will fix the problem in most cases, but you may find that the pain came back. How to fix it?

The first thing you need to do is restart your phone. Unfortunately, a reboot can temporarily solve the problem, which means that many applications are running in the background, which puts a strain on the processor.

Try uninstalling recently installed apps. Unfortunately, you cannot remove viruses in most applications, but you can disable them.

If you want to reactivate later, go to the Application Manager tab, select the app, and enable it.

If your phone is still overheating, it probably needs to be reset to factory settings. Unfortunately, it will erase all data, so make a backup.

If this overheating is not eliminated, then the problem is most likely with the hardware.

Bluetooth connection problems

Bluetooth connection problems show up in most android phones, and it is often tough to determine the cause.

The most common result is a firmware update failure. In the meantime, you should try a few simple solutions to fix the problem.

If a problem occurs when connecting a device exploited, then restarting the Bluetooth connection should fix the problem.

Open the notification panel and turn off the Bluetooth for 10 seconds, and then activate it again.

If that doesn't solve the problem, try restarting your phone. If the problem persists, then reconnect the device to the phone.

Go to Settings -> Bluetooth. Find your device and click on the icon in the upper right corner.

Select unpair. Then pair again. If the problem occurs when connecting a new device, restart your phone.

If you are unable to connect a new device, contact the device manufacturer.

Android phone boot problem

Some users have noticed that their phone won't boot up as it should. However, several solutions need to be tested before thinking about the worst.

Try booting your phone in Power Saving Mode or Ultra Power Saving Mode.

Both do the same. Apply restrictions, reduce vibration, brightness, and performance. Remove applications you are not using. Perform a factory reset.

If none of the above solutions solved the problem, contact the Phone Repair Online service provider.

[shreyamistry]

Could you write something about Myra and Aiden’s friendship?

Myra and Aiden: Friendship HC

Myra and Aiden equally balance each other out perfectly, Aiden’s over the top dramatics and Myra’s over the top antics balance for fun

Myra teases Aiden playfully all the time when he makes eyes at MC, or he does something silly she’s the first to remind him or tease him about it

Aiden always pretends to be annoyed, he huffs, and asks himself constantly ‘why are we friends again?’

Myra helps him to be more fun, she invites him to different social calendar events that he’s not gotten invited too

Aiden helps her with her music all the time, Myra likes having a tough coach who tells her when she needs to improve and doesn’t sugar coat it

Myra and Aiden are both soft at heart and are always there for each other when the other is upset, Aiden’s the one friend who no matter the situation can make her feel better and vice versa

Myra and Aiden go roller skating all the time together, they both go in and do the best they can and Myra always makes it fun and cracks jokes

Myra is the funniest friend alive, she always has something fun and witty to say and Aiden despises it

“Myra, you are being obnoxious. Take it down.”

“Aiden, you are not being obnoxious! Take it up!”

Myra always texts Aiden all the time, and by that I mean she texts him 10 times before hell text her once, most the time with one worded or one-liners and Myra fumes

Myra: boi if you don’t I swear to god you will catch these hands.

Myra is a walking vine references machines, she always fake faints when Aiden informs her he has no idea what she’s referring to

She sends him 20 vines a day, and before long he sometimes even makes vine jokes himself and Myra pretends to cry like a proud parent, he rolls his eyes every time

Aiden and Myra go to plays all the time, they go to every local play, even the ones at Hearst, Myra makes Aiden wear masquerade masks all the time so no other Berry students will see them there

Myra always puts eyeliner on Aiden when they go in disguise to Hearst, and does some very over the top makeup on not just herself but even Aiden

He protests, but caves in every time because he knows it makes her happy, she even plans comedic names for a comic she’s working on

Myra is an artist and not a lot of people know it, she does mostly comic book arts featuring her favorite superheroes The Musical Diffusion.

She’s Snarky Snotes and Aiden is Piano Penguino because his masquerade mask is very Penguin like. They fight evil by spreading beautiful music that Aiden conducts and if the villains aren’t swayed they beat them up

Aiden still has the first comic in his room, he’s put it in a comic book bag to protect it and keeps it in his dresser drawer. He reads it when he’s sad and smiles about how happy he is to have Myra

Myra always helps Aiden set updates for Mc when she can, she gives him tips and pointers about different activities or things coming to town that they can do.

“You gotta wow MC Aiden, otherwise behind the piano, all you are is penguin and penguins are the only birds that can’t fly.”

“There are 60 bird species that can’t fly Myra.”

“Just pretend Aiden.”

Myra always texts Aiden to remind him to eat, drinks or sleep when he gets into music dunks and spends too much time zoning out trying to perfect music, he’s grateful to have her looking out for him.

Myra and Aiden always push each other to be the best they can be in every aspect of life, they challenge each other and in a good way

Myra loves watching rom-coms and always tricks Aiden into watching them with her and he tries to protest when she puts them on, but he ends up really enjoying them

Aiden and Myra listen to popular music together and Aiden enjoys himself, he always tells her she’s not allowed to tell anyone this happened and she laughs and promises not too (and she keeps that promise)

Myra always calls Aiden loser and jerk in a loving manner, and Aiden rolls his eyes, it’s a trademark eye roll to Myra

“The Khandaar effect.”

“I think he gives me the Khandaar effect.” Michael laughs, and Aiden sure does have the same eye roll for the both of them that’s different from his usual.

Myra throws stuff at Aiden all the time to get his attention, paper planes, erasers, pens, pencils, anything really that’s soft and won’t permanently maim him. She once threw her shoulder at him from across a classroom and he got in trouble, he was so stunned he didn’t even fight the teacher on it and took the detention

Myra visits him in detention of course, and the detention teacher believes her when she claims to have lost the slip

“Of course, what kind of hooligan would actually keep track of their detention slip, sit next to Mr. Zhou please.”

Myra and Aiden try their hardest not to laugh at each other as Myra makes jokes and does stupid things

“You know what Aiden Zhou, I don’t care for your tone.”

“You know what, Myra Khandaar, I don’t care for your disapproval.”

“Whatever loser. I love you.”

“Shockingly, I for some reason love you as well.”

hope you like it!