#it’s unpredictable and anxiety inducing to be around

[iskierka]

nothing more frustrating than trying to communicate to a “people pleaser” that the “pleasing” is mainly just really uncomfortable

[synismet]

I am always swooning over how brutal and unforgiving Alva Lorenz is as a hunter.

His weapon is one of the most painful to be hit by imo, being that it is scolding hot copper. The tip of that cat's tail is not black for aesthetics, it's been burned black from the heat from the Eye of Darkness. Being smacked by a sharp, jagged, burning hot metal object is so, ohhuuh my GOD.

Every single part of his abilities and his weapon are meticulously planned and crafted to serve a specific purpose: to judge and debilitate survivors. He puts them in a situation where their actions could very well define the survival of their friends, that they are responsible for what happens to them. Alva sees himself less as a human being, and more as an inevitable force of nature. To himself, he is Inevitability, he is the constant. He will kill the survivors no matter their actions, no matter how selfless they may be, or how selfish, his judgement on them does not change.

But yet, he still tests them, he pushes them to the very brink of insanity through guilt and exhaustion. He turns their only way to freedom into what could very well get them killed. Turning the machines into electrical hazards that shock their hands, ionizing their bodies much like Alva himself is. They inflict themselves with Alva's greatest tool against them, and bring in a constant fear of not knowing when they will experience another painful electrical shock. He makes them stomach the responsibility of easing their comrades pain in exchange for self sacrifice and pain. Will they selfishly run and avoid all the charged ciphers? Or will they accept the responsibility they have, the risk? Is taking that risk worth it? Is it better to save themselves? To run? To avoid pain? The only path of survival against The Hermit is self sacrifice and suffering.

To take in that pain, to endure the constant unpredictable shocking, even as it incapacitates their bodies. The constant shocks I would imagine induce nausea, vomitting, muscle failure, amnesia, electrical burns, involuntary movements, breathing difficulties, disorientation, and more. Each shock being a high voltage hit to their entire nervous system, and their mind. The longer the game goes on, the worse and worse the physical and mental condition gets of the survivors from the constant electrical torture. Alva knows this. He knows how this affects them, and that is why he makes sure his connection prolongs that suffering, anxiety, and panic for as long as possible.

He wants to push survivors to their very limits, and beyond it. He wants to force their darkness out for him to see them bare for what they truly are. He wishes to expose the selfishness and greed of human nature and then punish it as he sees fit. Alva's hunting style is closer to methods used in "advanced interrogation techniques." Than an actual hunter. He tortures survivors until they show or give him what he wants to see. He believes all of humanity to be below him and his deity, he wants to desperately be proven wrong, but his ego tells him that will never happen.

Alva does not even hunt them with urgency, he calmly follows them and watches their every move, even lazily chasing them as if always confident they will fall to their own human weakness. Their struggle for survival means nothing to him, to see their strife to be alive is just a means for him to prove his own theories of human nature. I imagine that realistically, Alva would be more "stealth" oriented. His ability to appear in different places suddenly would disorientate anyone, coming around dark corners or appearing somewhere the survivor did not remember him being, and then being helpless to run as his power paralyzed their body. They can do nothing but watch him attack them, hit them, beat them and bleed them. They can not do anything. Their fate was in the hands of their allies, and their allies if choosing selfishness, chose to sacrifice them.

He is like panther slowly walking up to a helpless lamb, the little lamb broken and unable to move because the mother decided to save its own life, leaving the little lamb entirely defenseless to his claws and teeth. The panther trailed the mother for so long, that her mind broke and her panic and fear made her abandon her young, and all she can do now is watch her baby be ripped to pieces and wait for the panther to come for her next.

Anyone would be pushed to be their worst after being tortured so much, like how prisoners will confess to a crime just to stop the beatings. Alva's release s tier was not a prisoner warden with torture tools for no reason. [that whip is sexy falls over.]

To torment others while holding onto false hope that they will pass his "trials" all the while he actively pushes them to the brink of death, and then to give them false hope of survival, of salvation, is so incredibly sadistic. He is not just scaring them, or chasing, no, he is ensuring every single part of their mind, body, and soul are tortured and given false hope. Alva will always deny that he is being self indulgently sadistic. He will claim divine right, say that he is their savior, or that their own human nature is to blame, and not him. But he is guilty of indulging in his own wants and desires.

There is a reason that Jack of all people commented on how Alva likes to "Play with his food."

[anna-jupe]

"Rafe" Score Analysis

There's so much we can learn about Rafe through his song on the obx soundtrack. It really is a window into his mind and body and I think it's so interesting and underrated, so I decided to break it down for anyone that might care lol >>

The first 55 seconds are very anticipatory. The music is very shaky and unstable, and it seems like it's on the verge of breaking. It shows so well how Rafe feels when he begins to get angry- out of control, red slowly seeping into his vision.

Around 0:55, we hear this sliding dissonance come in that's so ugly. It really shows a shift in Rafe's mental state. He goes from on edge and frantic to pure, unadulterated and quite scary anger. The strings become less shaky and more purposeful. High and screeching, coupled with the dark and brooding sound underneath. We flip-flop between the two and it's sensory overload, showing how Rafe can get caught up in the battle within his mind. Going back and forth between his head and his heart, nearly all consumed with psychotic rage.

Then we get this awful dissonance again around 1:50 that you can't help but love, which leads into a break at 2:05. This is what I like to think is his snap. Rafe's anger takes over and he's seeing red.

From 2:05 to 3:10, we're fully experiencing these emotions with Rafe. The music transports us into his body and I feel like this section is his actions, when he's doing something so against his conscience it would rip a normal person apart.

The breathing: adrenaline through his veins, his breath quickening

The drums: his heart beat is pounding, loud and irregular

The slides: Rafe's ears ringing

The rhythm of the melody: His muscles jerking and tensing suddenly as he sees red

The pitches: both the melody and bass notes gradually step up a scale. This shows how his emotions continue to ramp up and take over.

Then we have Rafe post-action, from around 3:10-3:59. This is when the weight of what he's done seeps in. The dissonance creates a sense of anxiety that Rafe is feeling as he tries to rationalize what just happened and figure out how to cover it up. It's so oddly sad, like he might be feeling almost a sense of regret for a second?

But then at 4:05 a dark brooding sound seeps back in and we know he's made the decision to go further down this psychotic path. It ends with these super ugly, discordant pitches that leave us knowing that something bad is going to happen. It's very unpredictable and anxiety inducing.

I'm definitely not a professional but those are just things I personally heard and how I interpret them to better understand how scary of a character Rafe really is haha. I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts!!

[hyunnieshannie]

Walking On Glass

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅Master List⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅

I : Yang fucking Jeongin.

♥: Yang Jeongin x AFAB Reader ★: The author is prone to adding tags as they go, Mentions heavily of death, Mentions of Murder, Anxiety, Past Trauma, and Nightmares -- It's a dark fic.

“There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion” -Edgar Allan Poe, Ligeia, 1838

The piercing sound of your alarm jolts you awake, another day passed you by yesterday and now a new one calls out to you. You can’t help but groan, at the idea of having to leave the comfort and warmth of your bed. Reluctantly and with a heavy sigh you finally muster the energy to get up and drag yourself through the apartment, still half-asleep. Gathering your things, you prepare yourself physically and mentally for the day ahead. 

 Your walk to the bus stop was rather uneventful, with cars whizzing past you, and the pedestrians hurrying along in their daily rush to work. You nod in appreciation to the bus driver as you step onto his bus, immediately drowning yourself out from the world by placing your headphones on, in hopes to avoid any sort of conversation. 

A couple of stops pass, and just as you settle into your music-induced bubble, May boards the bus in a rush, her bag half-open in her hands. Spotting you, she waves frantically and quickly pays her fare. Without delay, she darts towards the seat next to you, yanks one of your earphones out, and places it in her ear, as if inviting herself into your private world.

Surprised by May's sudden intrusion, you offer her a half-hearted smile, unsure of how to react. She always had an unpredictable energy about her, and you knew resisting her enthusiastic company was often futile.

“How’d I know you’d be listening to this song?” She laughs,

“Woke up late again?” You sigh.

May chuckles and tosses her hair playfully, her confident demeanour shining through. "Oh, you have no idea! Looking this good takes some serious effort," she teases 

“If only you’d put as much effort into your studies as you do your looks; you’d be unstoppable.” You smile back at her as she sits down.

“Not everyone can be like you, Y/N. I can’t be pretty and smart, that's too much work!” She giggles, as she pulls out a hair brush and begins to tie her hair back into a loose ponytail. 

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As you arrive at the school May turns to you and says, “I hear we have a new student coming in today; I hope he’s nice.” 

He of course it's another boy, another distraction for her. 

“Great.” You sigh. 

You make your way slowly to your morning lecture, quickly finding your spot as May turns around in her seat to face you as everyone else files in, 

“He’ll probably end up falling madly in love with me an-”

“Madly in love with you?” Seungmin scoffs as he sits beside May. “I got a look at him, and you’re totally not his type.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT,” May’s flustered face says it all, she doesn’t want to be his type anyways Seungmin. 

“Trust me, you’re not his type. He looks like he’s dropped out like five times- actually, honestly, he kinda looks like the type to shoot up the-” 

“Not funny Seungmin.” You sigh, “School shootings are an actual problem, and people who do those kinds of things are mentally ill. You can’t just go and label someone you don’t know as someone who would do something like that, just because of his appearance.” 

“My bad little miss ‘I’m going to study murderers for fun’, All I’m saying is he’s the type to want to be alone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was some creep though. He has these like-” leave it to Seungmin to remind you of your goals in the most condescending way. You love your best friend you truly do, but at times you wonder if he truly understands why you set the goals you have. Not that he would ever fully get it. Not that anyone in the room would truly ever understand your fascination with the inner workings of the mind of a killer.

“ALRIGHT CLASS SETTLE DOWN.” Professor Wade says as he walks in, adjusting his glasses and placing his books on the podium at the front of the class, “Today as you’ve all heard we have a new student. Please come in and introduce yourself to the class.” he gestures for the student to come in from the hall. 

“My name is Yang Jeongin.” He says coldly as he stares toward the back of the class. “I transferred here from another country. That’s all you need to know about me.” Your professor stares blankly at him. Seungmin was right though, the guy is offputting. Sharp brown eyes, and long black hair. Dressed in all black, and topped off with a dead look in his eyes, anyone would think he was some ‘weirdo’ - a loner. 

“Alright, now why don't you go and sit beside Y/N.” Jeongin smiles at the teacher and makes his way up the lecture hall stairs to the seat next to yours. 

“Hi, I’m May!” May whispers excitedly to him, 

“Don’t talk to me.” He says looking annoyed as he finds his pen. May looks at him with a confused expression, she reaches for her phone and sends a text to your group chat.

Jeez, what's wrong with the new guy? He was so mean… she pouts. Seungmin put his hand on her shoulder and laughs

“I told you, you aren’t his type” He whispers, May turns to him and lightly punches him, 

“SHUT UP!” she yells, the silent class looks towards her, her face turns a bright shade of red from embarrassment “Sorry.” 

You study the boy next to you as your professor recaps the last lesson. As you noticed earlier, Jeongin wears all black. He’s got long black hair, but you can see the glint of silver jewelry shining through it. Piercings. He wears a silver chain around his neck, but the pendant is hidden under his shirt. Silver rings, and black boots. Sharp eyes that stare coldly towards the front of the room. He’s pretty but rude. Arrogance, radiating off of him. Does he think he’s too good to be here? 

“Staring is rude, if you want something- ask now or leave me alone.” he deadpans, looking at you as if he was looking through you. Almost as if he was reading your mind, “Whatever it is your brain is thinking about me, forget it. Whatever assumption you’re making about me is wrong.”

“I- was just admiring your outfit” you mutter, bringing your eyes back to your notes. 

“Don’t lie to me either. I can see through that shit. You’ll do better by being honest with me.” he slowly places his pen down and shifts so that he’s leaning closer to you, “Listen. I don’t care about whatever your first-year psych brain is attempting to say about me, I’m not your patient. So stop trying to analyze me.” he turns away from you and continues on taking notes. Whatever issue Yang Jeongin has, you want nothing to do with it. You can only hope the semester passes by quickly, and that you won’t have to ever interact with the person beside you.  

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After a few excruciating hours of listening to Professor Wade go on about the psychological effects of trauma you’re finally released from prison. “Let's go to the cafe to study today.” You say with a smile, Seungmin nods in agreement and May follows along. You enjoy going to the cafe after classes, the warm evening breeze and the smell of fresh coffee is relaxing after class and the cozy environment of the cafe provided the perfect atmosphere to study in. Seungmin heads towards your usual booth, with May tailing behind him as you go to make your coffee orders. 

“One large Strawberry coconut refresher, one Large iced americano, and one Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel please” You smile at the cashier who punches in your order, 

“Three drinks for one person? Are you that thirsty?” A voice says from behind you, you turn around and look up at  Yang fucking Jeongin. 

“I'm here with May and Seungmin actually,” you smile, it was better to be civil than to give him the actual expression your brain so desperately wanted to give. He looks down at you seriously.

“Hm. Excuse me, could you add a second large americano please.” the cashier nods as he steps in front of you and pays for the order, he was so rude to May and now he’s paying for our drinks. What’s with him? “I’ll help you take these to your friends.” he picks up the Americanos and looks to you to guide him to your spot.

“Would you like to sit and study with us?” you ask with an awkward smile,

“Sure.” you walk up the steps to your booth where Seungmin sat watching May take selfies. You hand May her strawberry drink, and Seungmin his caramel drink, then slide into your spot on the opposite side of them. Jeongin sits next to you and places your coffee by you; May makes a confused face and looks back at her textbook. 

“He paid for our drinks so I asked if he wanted to study with us. I hope you don't mind.” You kick Seungmin  lightly under the table and force a smile at him notifying him to get May to cooperate 

“Oh. OH No we don't mind at all right May?” He smiles awkwardly and May only let out a huff. You spent the rest of the evening studying and joking amongst each other, though Jeongin stayed silent for most of it, only ever talking when it came to studying. Most of the time it felt less like he was studying the curriculum and more like he was studying the group the entire time, by the end of the night you could feel he was bored of your company. 

“I should head out guys, I have things to do around the house,” You say as you begin packing up your books, 

“Your apartment is in pristine condition, what could you possibly have to do?” Seungmin laughs 

“Tidying mainly” you sigh, “Chores don't get done themself you know” You let out a small sigh, 

“Chores? You live alone and you give yourself chores?” Seungmin looks at May and laughs at the confused look on her face “What I'm serious! If I lived alone I’d be free and live as I wanted!” 

“That’s why we always go to Y/N’s place. I can't imagine what your room looks like.” Seungmin laughs, Mays's face burns red, as she looks down to hide her clear embarrassment.

“Shut up.” Seungmin you idiot.

“I should head out as well.” Jeongin says abruptly, “Thanks for letting me stay.” He gets up, grabs his things and walks out. 

“He’s so strange,” May says, as you all get up to leave. Soon after you say your goodbyes and head out. 

The bus ride back to your apartment was quiet and short. Your brain was doing its best to wrap around something you didn’t quite know. A feeling you’d never had before. Some sort of familiarity but from what? You wouldn’t be able to tell. 

After a hot shower, You sit yourself on your couch and turn on the tv. “I should eat,” you mumble to myself, you walk to the kitchen as the news plays on the screen in your living room, 

“Reports from [your city]’s 11th ward state another young woman has been murdered,” the tv blares, “The woman was found in her home with a gunshot wound to the chest, [Your city] police say they have no witnesses and no leads.” The newscaster reads out,

Another one. This is starting to get closer to home too. It makes me sick to my stomach. You close your fridge. I'm not even hungry anymore. 

Tags: @chanlixiiee @amalieworldidk @jaebaebaegot7 @maeleelee @iadorethemskz @maenijw @hangin-out-with-the-street-rats @jinniespuppy @painstakingly-juno @lethallyprotected @elizalabs3 @jisungsbff01 @seungminslittlepup @lieghscloud @foxinnie8 @scarletbedlam @kpoppin-to-the-beat @stay-berry @bbymatz @kurxxmi

[originalsoundtalk]

Emotion as Music #1 - Overtake!

Recently, I watched Overtake! I'm peripherally interested in motorsports, especially Formula 1, so I was excited by the prospect of an anime about Formula 4.

I was not prepared for what this anime would do to me with it's story and visuals, but I'm here to talk about the music. In general, the ost is solid. I already have a few other tracks I want to talk about in more detail. But there's one track in particular that is a really good example of "emotion as music".

How I, personally, define "emotion as music" is music that feels specifically composed to directly represent a particular emotion or feeling, rather than just drawing our emotions out in response to the themes, composition, instrumentation etc.

In this instance, the emotions/feelings I'm referring to are panic, terror, and anxiety.

The track is "Kouya's Trauma".

This is one of those "instant-goosebumps-something-is-very-very-wrong" kinds of tracks. It really captures that "sound from underwater" feeling of panic or terror. Right from the very first second, the howling/roaring fills your ears like being submerged. The static is harsh and comes in random bursts which keep you on edge because they're unpredictable. The discordance between these two sounds and the melodic line on the harp when it does come in adds yet another layer*.

And then we have the low, dull bass note that starts playing at around 00:50. On the one hand, I feel like that's designed to put yet another pit in your stomach just from the sound and rhythm alone because it just adds to the overall overstimulation. But on the other, from the timbre and rhythm it could be interpreted as voices, twisted into a low, unintelligible buzz like they might be during a moment of panic or shock or anxiety. This idea of the buzz as voices is supported somewhat by the story, too.*

The track is discomfiting, it's anxiety inducing, it's overwhelming, and that's exactly the point.

It's designed to drop you in Kouya's shoes at the most harrowing moment of his life: the point at which his trauma took root and the whole reason he can't ply his trade anymore.

For those of you who have seen the show, you know exactly what "Kouya's trauma" refers to, but for those of you who haven't, I don't think it diminishes the discomfort at all. It's a very well-crafted piece of music and what I consider a very good example of emotion as music.

*Thoughts on this harp line and the "voices" continued under the cut - contains spoilers.

___

My take on the purpose of the harp line, is that it represents Kouya's inner thoughts as he tried to think of a way to help and, when he couldn't, pleaded with the girl to run and get to safety. It feels urgent and there's a glimmer of hope in it. But it's also mournful, like he knew there was nothing she could do and his pleas would amount to nothing no matter how much he wanted them to. Because, after all, the situation was inescapable.

Aside from the notation, though, the other reason I think the harp represents Kouya's inner thoughts is that it's the only part of the track that's crisp and clear: everything else is dull or fuzzed around the edges, like external stimuli might be during a moment of panic.

____

The reason I likened the low buzz to the sound of voices is because there were voices around Kouya during the tsunami scene: from the general sounds of the crowd around him, to the guy who specifically spoke to him, stopping him from going to try and help her because he knew it was fruitless.

[jaysflix]

Unrequited (I-IV)

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, 𖤐 Chapter IV

Part 1, Chapter 4 𖤐 The Facade of Truth; Illumination Genre: Romance, drama/angst Pairing(s): Terzo/Reader, Copia/Reader Chapter Synopsis: Leaving the cell only to return to the grief of it, broken just as you were before.

Warnings: violence, blood

1.6k words

Leaving the room was a risk. You were hesitant to step out of the boundary that protected you indefinitely. Terzo’s sanctuary kept you from facing the Cardinal, saving you from more heartbreak than you could endure. His reaction would be unpredictable. Remembering the moment he heard from you that you were to be married, the way he crumpled in front of you, kneeling with the utmost dismay, the possibility of seeing it for a second time was insufferable. Being with him through the years gave you time to understand him almost completely, yet you never saw him become so shattered in seconds. Terzo stood in the doorway before you, fatigue darkening the paint around the eyes. They’d gotten gentler once they sensed your hesitation, no shroud of annoyance left to convey. 

You hated that. You hated how he always managed to understand your immense suffering and the way he let you accustom to the strange, sudden circumstances at your own pace because it reminded you of Copia. The generosity of his mind and soul were the things you adored of your Cardinal. Seeing how Terzo manages to completely mirror the same patience meant significantly to you, but a tinge of fear lingered in the stream to your heart.

It's funny, the amount of anxiety should be able to kill you, yet your body won’t give up. The chance that your limbs hold much more power than your mind causes a more willing behavior than you’d ever experience. Your legs scream for you to run, and it's the mind that keeps you tied down, frozen in your spot. Averting your eyes to meet the delicate cloth fitted perfectly on his fingers, you accepted the help. He lured you forward, over the invisible barrier trapping you from fresh air. You let your body loose just this once until you were chest to chest, heart to heart with Terzo. The end of his lips tugged upward faintly. 

The beat of his heart helped you realize that everything that’s happened up to this point was in fact, not a dream. As terrifying as the feeling weighed on you, the only choice you had was to accept it for what it was.

“Finding the Cardinal should be no problem.” His voice ripped you from fantasy. Averting your eyes to meet his, they were closer than you’d remembered them before. Though his heterochromia was most distinguished, many assume the blinding white was the first eye anyone noticed. They would be wrong. For you, it was the opposite. The dominant birthmark, a reminder of the Emeritus line, shrivels when you lose yourself to his darker one. Shivers ran across your spine while his fingers lay on your waist, interrupting your train of thought.

The two of you walked out to the courtyard together, arms intertwined, a trickery to the public when truth be told, it was to keep you from fueling your reluctance. The gesture induced a powerful notion, in himself and of those who traveled past. You felt it too, how Terzo was faced with the obligation to be your security. Silent pride glowed in his aura like he was meant for this role. Jealous looks thrown at you diminished because of his strong, chest-puffed posture. He lived for the heroic role with one hell of an audience. So, the attention spurred on you continued to promote his burning conceit. 

Cardinal Copia wished for judgment day to inch closer. The world looked against him, even the demons did not dare touch on the subject. He’d been neglecting work, drowning in the darkness of his room. He hadn’t had a meal yet, and despite his belly’s constant whine, he did not feel like eating. A letter was sent to his room that morning, expressing how the inconsistency was unacceptable, and if he isn’t able to complete the papers by the end of the week, he’d be sent away. Not literally meaning, as lots of people took it. No, being sent away meant being sent to the grave. Copia, at first, didn’t mind that plan, but he’d refused to give up.

He donned his black cassock again, aimlessly sauntering around the courtyard. The blinding rays of sun infected the church, spreading delight on the faces of deacons. Though the fabrics matched, their moods certainly contrasted. They, of course residing in a satanic church, wore opposite colors of a typical roman-catholic priest. The Cardinal favored the color in the moment of his despair but seeing their happiness only released an anger he’d never experienced. 

Typically, the sisters wore makeup according to their admired papa, or patterns of their own to fit their individual personalities. A lot of them, however, didn’t want to wake up any earlier to put in the effort of the face paint. It was nice to see them all express themselves. Curiosity struck Copia from time to time, wondering how the sisters looked without it. Ironic considering he never seemed to remove his makeup either. Most of what he saw throughout the halls was the resemblance to Terzo. Every corner he turned and through every walkway he entered, Terzo seemed to haunt him. It took almost everything in him not to argue or highlight the indecent acts he committed against him.

There was a hint of denial deep within his core and he stayed up at night praying the truth would be concealed no matter what it was. He expressed his worry to you once, and as silly as it sounded, you tried your best to ignore it. Naturally, Copia considered the feeling to be an overreaction. Though in instances, more than once, the way Terzo eyed you like candy;  a treat to snuff out his cravings. From the start, Terzo treated you with respect as he did to everyone regardless of whether they returned the attitude. Then, there would be little pecks on your hands, eventually transitioning to your cheeks, inching closer to your lips. He rarely saw you, yet those actions spoke for themselves. Copia began to distrust his lifelong friend. Even more so now. 

A breathless whisper, carried by the smallest morning breeze called to him from his dark world and ordered him to stop. He became ice cold, convincing himself that it was merely a delusion. He held his head, feeling the familiarity of weight dropping in his stomach, pushing the vile closer to the roof of his mouth. He swallowed hard, hand shaking violently as he removed it from its place.

It’s a dream, he told himself.

None of what’s happening is real.

Until the crash of your body against his, the thoughts dispersed. Copia’s once cold figure warmed in the embrace. He felt your fingers claw at his back, gripping at his clothes to ensure he wouldn’t fall away because losing him for a second time was not an outcome you will live to take. You matched his shakiness, sobbing into him and reciting his name like a prayer. The pressure of your nails was enough to bruise him. Your arms began to ache from the tight hook Copia was admitted into. It wasn’t until you calmed down that you realized he hadn’t moved once.

You pulled away, confusion evident in your hesitance. His head bowed down, avoiding any kind of contact. Instead of those kind eyes you pined for, you were met with the biretta, placed neatly on top of his unkempt hair. The vicious black paint, he knew, would betray him if he were to let any source of sadness overwhelm him. So he kept his head facing the floor. Warm hands made way to his chin, easing him up only for him to breathe in sharp, almost frustratedly. Still shying from your gaze, he removed your touch from his face, eyes wandering rapidly. He whispered curses, knowing you noticed the obvious glisten of tears breaking the surface,

“What’s wrong?” You asked in a whisper, feeling the lump of fear sneak its way up your throat. 

Just when he finally looked at you, he paused, noticing the figure traveling with you lurk from behind. In an instant, his vibrations became violent. The quiver of his anger was so sudden, your tears spilled again in fright. 

Terzo was close enough for Copia to grab a fistful of his clothes, shaking him to the ground. The biretta fell away as they tussled. Terzo resisted the strength of him, aiming for Copia’s neck to throw him back. The Cardinal was fuming. Hate scorched his insides and your skin burned as you held him from going any further. Pulling Copia to his feet, he snatched himself away from you and dived at Terzo, throwing a powerful fist, drawing blood. You yelped, hearing the crack of bone. Terzo’s hand darted to cover his nose,

“Merda!” He shouted, red running down to his lips. Copia wasn’t close to finishing what he’d begun, but if it weren’t for you, he’d have Terzo begging for his life about now.

“What is wrong with you?” You yelled at him, unable to contain the shakiness of your voice. He stayed silent, heaving as he watched you rush to Terzo’s side, peeling away his stained gloves to see the damage. The thick of his blood kept dripping uncontrollably. 

Copia noticed the stinging feel of his neck, and his hands never stopped shaking. Blood was also soaked on his gloves, almost polishing the leather. Jealousy slowly replaced his anger, and he should’ve felt ashamed of his actions, but he didn’t. 

You were almost too shocked to speak or even look at him. You never imagined he would do such a thing yet here you were cleaning his mess with the sleeves of your habit. It was normal to feel this way, but never to act upon it in such a manner. It was unlike him.

Notes: Short chapter, I know. Just wanna apologize for the wait on this one, I know it's extremely underwhelming but I knew if I didn't post it now then I'd never finish. I'm also gonna try to upload this on ao3 so I'll provide links when possible.

[prismaticstreams]

Question: How to communicate about moving slowly in the early stages of dating?

Someone on Reddit posted recently asking this:

Hey everyone,

I've noticed when using dating apps that most people seem to move pretty quickly, at least by my standards. For example, texting at least daily (often multiple times a day) and wanting to go on dates 2-3 times per week. To me, that feels like going from 0 to 100 and it makes me stressed out. It takes me quite a while to warm up to strangers and integrate new people into my life.

I would much rather slow down at the start, and go on a date once every week or two and maybe text a couple of times per week. I'd be happy to ramp that up to daily contact and more frequent dates, but I usually reach that point after 2-3 months or so - around the time when people usually define the relationship and go exclusive.

I'm just wondering, how do I communicate this respectfully to people, without making them feel like I'm playing games, keeping it casual or just not that keen? I'm wondering, is it better to tell people directly that this is my preference, or is that overkill?! I'm FA so I tend to get anxious and overthink everything.

Here is my response:

I very much relate to your predicament about feeling overwhelmed and stressed! I've found Thais Gibson's videos on the Personal Development School about guilt and Fearful-Avoidant attachment super relevant for this issue, so I'd highly recommend checking those out! I've come to realise that I often project my own emotions and over-empathise due to enmeshment trauma. 

It’s actually really important to stay centred and grounded in yourself and your own needs. People with a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style often lose touch with their own needs, boundaries and preferences while in the presence of others, so there is a need for more alone time and reflection to regulate.

My current approach is to communicate clearly, and be honest if you don’t have the bandwidth to text, call or meet up as often as they do. It’s wise to give some reassurance that it’s not personal, but you don’t have to reassure the person constantly. 

It can be anxiety inducing because we worry that the other person will lose interest or feel rejected, but unfortunately I think that's a risk that we have to embrace. We won't be compatible with everyone and we can't force it.

Not to mention many people actually find a little bit of unpredictability and distance can be exciting and increase desire in relationships - Esther Perel talks a lot about this! For some people, it can actually be a feature (in moderation), rather than a bug. However, in the early stages, people may just move on if they assume the other person is not genuinely interested in them, playing games, dating others, etc. So it’s good to establish some consistency and clarity in the early dating phase.

If you communicate tactfully about needing space and are fairly consistent, I don't think the right person would view it as a major problem or dealbreaker. I know in the past when I was in a more anxiously attached headspace, I didn't mind less frequent communication if it was relatively consistent and predictable - so I knew what to expect.

You could say something along the lines of the following, to put their mind at ease:

"Hey, I generally take things slow when I’m getting to know someone, I’ve found it healthier for me to carve out alone time and friend time too”

Or

"Hey, I don't text that much, but please don't take it as a sign of disinterest because I really am interested in continuing to see you"

That said, if the person seems continually insecure or upset about your boundaries and communication frequency, you may not be compatible. Constantly reassuring someone can be stressful, so if it’s feeling excessively draining, then maybe they aren’t a good fit for you. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person or too needy - it’s just a mismatch of needs.

People with an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style may struggle with your limits, but it doesn’t make your boundaries or limits wrong or cruel. It’s important to focus on yourself rather than focusing too much on how other people feel, as ultimately it’s not sustainable to be constantly stressing about upsetting or disappointing others.

These are the Personal Development School videos I found most relevant:

How to Ask Your Partner for Space

How To Tell Your Anxious Partner You Need Space

How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Everything

[pathfinderunlocked]

Bound Dreamer - CR14 Outsider (Dimension of Dreams)

A nightmare from the Dimension of Dreams.

Artwork by MorkarDFC on DeviantArt.

A bound dreamer is a creature native to the Dimension of Dreams which feeds on nightmares.  When it finds the dreaming forms of creatures that are having nightmares, it traps them in those nightmares for as long as possible, using its webbing and its physical power to physically hold their dream bodies in place and prevent them from escaping, and using its magic and curses to prevent them from awakening too soon. 

The webbing from bound dreamers is used as a type of funerary binding for the particularly honored dead, such as great kings, by certain cultures.  These groups gather the webbing from bound dreamers by using planar binding spells to trap bound dreamers on the material plane, where they may eventually starve for lack of nightmares to feed on, if not released or allowed to use their Induce Nightmares ability.  A bound dreamer can go without eating for about the same amount of time as a human can go without sleep, and the symptoms of its hunger are similar to human symptoms of sleep deprivation.

When in the material plane, a bound dreamer uses its silk to create fine silk sheets and hanging drapes around a comfortable-looking bed, trying to lure victims to take a nap so that it can feast on their nightmares.  It has no desire to kill its victims; it needs them alive in order to continue feeding.

Bound Dreamer - CR 14

This gigantic spider looks like something out of your nightmares.  In fact... now that you think about it... you’re sure you’ve seen it in your own actual nightmares, multiple times, throughout your life.

XP 38,400 NE Huge outsider (extraplanar) Init +13 Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, tremorsense 60 ft.; Perception +23

DEFENSE

AC 29, touch 17, flat-footed 20 (+9 Dex, +12 natural, –2 size) hp 202 (15d10+120); fast healing 10 Fort +13, Ref +18, Will +16 Resist sonic 10 Immune confusion and insanity effects, poison, sleep

OFFENSE

Speed 40 ft., climb 40 ft. Melee bite +22 (2d6+12/19-20 plus poison plus nightmare curse) Ranged web +23 ranged touch (entangle, DC 25 reflex, plus sleeping webs, DC 23 will) Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft. Special Attacks nightmare curse, sleeping webs, web (+24 ranged, DC 25, 15 hp)

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 15th; concentration +21)     Constant—comprehend languages, detect anxieties     At will—dispel magic, invisibility, major image (DC 19)     1/day—insanity (DC 24), mirage arcana (DC 21), nixie’s lure (DC 20), veil (DC 22)

STATISTICS

Str 26, Dex 29, Con 26, Int 16, Wis 20, Cha 23 Base Atk +15; CMB +25; CMD 44 (56 vs. trip) Feats Combat Expertise, Improved Critical (bite), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Spell Focus (enchantment), Spell Focus (illusion), Vital Strike, Weapon Focus (bite) Skills Acrobatics +27 (+31 jump), Climb +34, Intimidate +24, Knowledge (planes) +18, Perception +23 Languages Aklo; comprehend languages SQ change shape (spider swarm)

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Poison (Su) A bound dreamer’s venom causes flesh to blister and rot away and the mind to experience vivid and horrific hallucinations—these visions cause the poisoned creature to react in an unpredictable manner, as if confused. The hallucination element of this poison is mind-affecting. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Bite—injury; save Fort DC 25; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d3 Con plus confusion for 1 round; cure 2 consecutive saves.

Nightmare Curse (Su) A bound dreamer's bite puts horrifying visions in the target's mind.  When it succeeds on its bite attack, the target must succeed on a DC 21 Will save or be cursed.  The save DC is Charisma-based.

Curse—save Will DC 23; frequency 1/day; effect 1d4 Wisdom drain and target is fatigued; cure 3 consecutive saves or dispel evil, dream, or remove curse.

Sleeping Webs (Su) A bound dreamer's ranged web attacks cause a creature wrapped in them to lose consciousness.  Any creature hit by the web attack is entangled unless it succeeds on a DC 25 Reflex save.  A creature that fails on this Reflex save must also make a DC 23 Will save or be put to sleep for 8 hours, though it can be woken up as normal.  This does not leave behind webs on the squares it hits; these projectile webs break apart harmlessly if they don't hit a creature.  The Reflex save DC is Constitution-based and the Will save DC is Charisma-based.

An entangled creature that isn't put to sleep can make a DC 25 Escape Artist or Strength check to escape the web, but takes a -4 penalty on this roll.  Attempts to escape or burst the webbing gain a +5 bonus if the trapped creature has something to walk on or grab while pulling free.

A bound dreamer can also create sheets of webbing to climb on, as usual for the web ability, but these sheets of webbing do not induce sleep or have any additional effects.

Induce Nightmare (Sp) As a full-round action, a bound dreamer can touch a sleeping creature and warp and twist its dreams into violent, chaotic nightmares.  An affected creature must succeed on a DC 23 Will save or be affected as by a Nightmare spell.  This deals 1d10 damage as normal for the Nightmare spell, leaves the target fatigued, does not wake the target up.  The bound dreamer is healed for the same amount of damage, and gains a +2 morale bonus to attack rolls, saves, and skill checks for 1 hour.  The save DC is Charisma-based.

Change Shape (Su) As a standard action, a bound dreamer can change its form into that of a spider swarm.  It gains swarm traits, and its melee bite attack is replaced by a swarm attack which deals 6d6 damage.  Targets of the swarm attack are subjected to the bound dreamer’s poison and induce nightmare abilities, as well as a swarm’s distraction ability (DC 25).  While in its spider swarm form, a bound dreamer has a space of 10 feet and a reach of 0 feet, and is a swarm of diminutive creatures.  It loses its natural armor bonus, but due to its change in size, it loses its size penalty to AC and gains a +4 size bonus to AC (for a total net change of -6 AC, +6 touch AC).  Its statistics do not otherwise change.

A bound dreamer can remain in its spider swarm form indefinitely, and can dismiss it as a standard action.

[captainjimothycarter]

Once again I thank you SO SO much @avengersbingo for running this amazing, low-key event. Your bingos have brought me such joy. I hope to do another round :)

I feel like I've gotten nothing done this year but this bingo proves me wrong.

A Touch Of Home B1 - Mistaken As A Couple Steve/Peggy From the moment that they’d met, Peggy Carter had become that little touch of home.

What Makes Us Whole B2 - Taken Captive StevePeggy “You think vengeance is the missing piece of the puzzle, that it will make you whole again, but all it does is break you further." Steve's life drastically changes when his best friend dies in his arms and he learns that things may not be what they seem. And it seems he might not know his fiance as well as he thought. Set The Mood B3 - Soulmate AU Steve/Peggy After Peggy leaves him wanting at the bar, Steve thinks about what could’ve been. At least, until he forgets about the bond between them. Playing Hooky B4 - Cuddling Steve/Peggy What does a 10-year-old son who doesn’t want to go to school + a father who doesn’t want to work equal? Why, playing hooky, of course! Chapter 3: Buried Memories (Once Upon A Time) I1 - Kissed To Keep Quiet Steve/Peggy Prince Steve learns more about the world around him and some things he’s forgotten. Captain America Story Time I2 - Science Experiment Steve/Peggy The Captain America Reading Program was just supposed to be a pipe dream and nothing more. A daydream Steve entertained himself with as he watched bored kids try to listen to the same storytellers of the week. When he accepted the job, Steve never thought it would end up with him dressed in a red, white, and blue suit and carrying a handmade shield to read to kids. He never thought he’d come to love it so much. Or that it would lead him to the woman of his dreams and delicious coffee Chapter 1: A Child Gets His Wings (Learn To Soar) Square I3: “Keep Your Eyes Open.” Steve/Peggy In a reality where people who are born with wings are seen as abominations to society, Steve Rogers defies society and keeps his wings. He can't use them to fly and they might cause him to nearly black out anytime they start to flutter but Steve is proud of them. Chapter 2: Punishment Reeps Reward (The Queen and The Hammer) I4 - Size Difference Steve/Peggy Peggy joins Thor in making sure Steve knows the error of his ways. Chapter 6: The Heart Grows Fonder (The Best Things in Life Are Unpredictable) N1 - Rescue Mission Steve/Peggy After Steve is pulled from the rubble and placed in a medically-induced coma, Peggy learns more about the father of her children. Chapter 2: The Little Guy (Learn To Soar) N2 - Reunited Steve/Peggy Steve finally meets the mysterious woman with wings, but not in the manner he expects. The Most Bestest Birthday Ever N3 - Snuggling Steve/Peggy It's his mom's birthday and James Micheal Carter is determined to make it the most, bestest birthday ever. Chapter 1: It’s Just One Phone Call (A Promise Doesn’t Mean Forever) N4 - Soft Under Hard Exterior Steve/Peggy Steve swore that when he and Peggy broke up, he’d never contact her again. Her job at SHIELD was far too much for him to handle. The lies and the anxiety were too much baggage for him. He swore off ever seeing her again and wanting nothing more than to just forget Peggy Carter existed. That’s until her number called him a year later.

Chapter 5: Midnight Meeting (The Best Things in Life Are Unpredictable) G1 - Nose Kisses Steve/Peggy Steve just wanted one chance to make this right.

Chapter 1: Goodbye Sex (Risk = Reward) G2 - “Please don’t leave.” Steve/Peggy No one is happy about the situation. Steve isn’t pleased that Peggy is going undercover to work with Hydra in a long, complicated plan where the ending is uncertain. He’s not happy about losing one-third of his mates. Peggy isn’t happy she’s leaving Steve on a bad note but they all have a job to do and hers is to destroy Hydra from the inside out but first - she needs to knot her Omega and promise him she’ll return. Bucky is upset to have learned about all of this last minute and gets to watch one of his mates walk into Hydra with every intent of destroying them. Chapter 1: Carter vs Rogers (Head Of The Class) G3 - Rivalry Steve/Peggy The second he met her, Steve knew Peggy Carter was going to change his life. She was going to push him, challenge him, and rival every decision he made. Their rivalry would take them from simple college roommates to teaching at the same high school and trying to fight the flames for one another. Strawberry & Applesauce G4 - Childhood Sweetheart Steve/Peggy After a lifetime in the army, Chester Phillips spends his days bonding and looking after his godkids, Micheal and Peggy. He never bothered with the idea of love, far too busy for it during his military career and now that he’s retired, he has all the love he needs when he meets a little blonde boy who asks him for basket after basket of strawberries and his mother.

[vigilantfish]

It's almost like the world is spinning around me.

It's as if the world itself was a charade, a pack of jaunting spiteful jesters who would joke and jive about how to dictate my life.

"Reminisce him of his unchangeable melodramatic memories!" "Meet him a person whom he will ruin his life over!" "Force his eyes to the stellar abyss, to stare down at his meaningless existence, question him for all he is and could ever be!"

My eyes gaze upon the world around me with such fatigue, it feels like every street I go into, every turn I make somehow twists itself into a circle of which I can't ever escape.

This coat seems tired. These pants of mine feel tired. Everything feels so old, yet so unchanging, so nauseatingly unchanging. This hair of mine flowing with the wind seems tiring. My eyes gazing upon this unpredictable circle of hell feels tiring. The only that never tires feels like the very decaying nature that I'm forced to exist in.

I am strong, never endingly strong, but when I reach out to grab things or hold things, it feels as though I'm an old man who might turn to dust at any gust of wind. I am young, yet so old. I feel handsome, yet so ugly. It's as if every mirror has it's own idea of me. Maybe it's like the thing with the jesters again, each mirror made different, to portray me as any funny thing the jokers will snicker to themselves about. I feel so generous, yet so stingy. I can list off everything that is horrible about me, yet find a beauty within me that I find within every thing who looks as winded, tormented, innocent, or unassuming as I do. I can list a hundred poems about an old postman's bag as I can to my anxiety inducing limitless potential as a sentient being.

But when I pet a cat, or when I decide to watch a dumb show, or eat something that is "bad" for me, or think about love, or dream about things without feeling the rush to write about it, it all feels pointless. If I can see myself as anything I could ever want, why should I force to see myself in a favorable light, much less in a foreboding dark light?

It feels good to think about things, to craft universes in my head that I can keep to myself, I don't need to desecrate the precious feeling of being a hero in an imaginary store only to write about it, and hope for someone's critique to feel significant. I can pet a cat and let it be silly to me without having to capture it in my phone. I can look at a view without sullying it with the quality of my camera.

Sometimes, it's okay not to introspect. Sometimes, the world is what it is. Sometimes, the same way we don't need to sully our rare moments of relief with our arbitrary personalities, we don't need to digest and internalize everything we see. Sometimes the postman's bag just looks cool. Sometimes you look good. Sometimes you look bad. Sometimes you're good. Sometimes you're bad. There needn't a permanence to us in a world of constant change.

I arrive at my home, a loud metallic creek, climbing of cramped stairs in a humid block, the sound of the never ending rain outside, to stare at my brown old door. Silence is broken by distant sounds of children screaming at their parents, and television commercials. I go in, I make some coffee, but I dare not to look outside anymore.

The rain is pretty, but I don't need to think about it today.

[software-solution-maticz]

How Game Mechanics Influence Player Experience?

Game mechanics are the core elements that define how a game functions, dictating the interactions between players and the virtual world. They shape the way players engage with the game, providing challenges, rewards, and feedback that influence the overall experience. Whether it's the way characters move, how battles are fought, or how levels are structured, game mechanics serve as the building blocks for creating immersive and enjoyable games. In this blog, we’ll explore how these mechanics play a pivotal role in shaping player experience, from enhancing engagement to driving satisfaction, and how partnering with the right game development company can ensure top-tier game development solutions.

The Role of Game Mechanics in Engagement

The success of any game often hinges on how well it engages its audience, and the mechanics are at the heart of this engagement. Game mechanics involve rules, actions, and systems that determine what players can do, how they interact with the environment, and how the game responds. When these elements are well-designed, players become invested in the game, and their decisions impact the outcome, creating a sense of agency and involvement.

For instance, in action-adventure games, mechanics like combat systems, inventory management, and character upgrades give players the tools to navigate the game world and face challenges. These mechanics must be balanced—if they’re too difficult, players can become frustrated; too easy, and they lose interest. A good game development company understands this balance and offers game development services that ensure each mechanic complements the game’s goals, keeping players engaged throughout.

Mechanics that Shape Challenge and Reward Systems

One of the most crucial aspects of game mechanics is how they structure challenges and rewards. A game without challenges would quickly become dull, but a game without rewards would feel unrewarding. The balance between these two creates the "flow" state, where players are neither bored nor overwhelmed. This delicate balance is achieved through mechanics such as leveling up, unlocking new abilities, or receiving in-game currency for achievements.

Take puzzle games, for example. The mechanics here are built around problem-solving challenges that require players to think critically. Successful completion of these puzzles rewards players with new levels or in-game bonuses, creating a satisfying feedback loop. Game development solutions designed to create this type of dynamic help maintain long-term player retention, making it more likely that players will continue engaging with the game over time.

Interaction and Immersion through Game Mechanics

Mechanics are also essential in creating a sense of immersion within a game. Immersion is achieved when players feel they are truly part of the game world, experiencing the environment, characters, and narrative as though they were inside it. This often comes down to how fluidly and intuitively the mechanics allow for interaction with the game’s world.

In open-world role-playing games (RPGs), for example, mechanics like exploration, interaction with NPCs (non-player characters), and a dynamic weather system enhance immersion. When players can roam freely, solve problems in multiple ways, and experience a living, breathing world, they become more immersed in the experience. A robust game development company is well-versed in implementing such complex mechanics, offering game development services that emphasize seamless interaction between players and the game world.

How Game Mechanics Impact Player Emotions?

Game mechanics also have a powerful effect on a player's emotions. These mechanics, when well-designed, can create tension, excitement, relief, and a wide range of emotional responses. Horror games, for instance, use mechanics like limited resources, unpredictable enemies, and sudden surprises to induce fear and anxiety. The tension builds as players make strategic decisions to survive, and the relief when they succeed is profound.

A platformer game might evoke a sense of accomplishment by challenging players with tricky jumps and timing-based mechanics. The emotional highs and lows tied to these mechanics enhance the player's experience, making the game memorable. Game development solutions focused on emotional engagement can help developers create games that resonate more deeply with players, leading to greater satisfaction and brand loyalty.

Adapting Game Mechanics for Different Player Types

Not all players approach games in the same way. Some are motivated by competition, while others prefer exploration, storytelling, or problem-solving. Game mechanics can be designed to cater to different player types, ensuring that the game offers something for everyone.

In multiplayer games, competitive mechanics like leaderboards, rankings, and PvP (Player vs. Player) modes appeal to players who enjoy testing their skills against others. Meanwhile, for more casual players, mechanics like crafting systems, side quests, or customizable characters allow for more laid-back gameplay. A game development company that understands these nuances can provide tailored game development solutions, ensuring the final product resonates with a broad audience.

Conclusion

In conclusion, game mechanics are the foundation upon which the player experience is built. They govern how players interact with the game world, structure challenges, and rewards, influence emotions, and provide immersion. A well-designed set of mechanics not only keeps players engaged but also ensures that the game is enjoyable and memorable.

For developers looking to create standout games, it’s essential to collaborate with a game development company that offers expert game development services. With the right partner, you can ensure that every mechanic in your game works to enhance the player experience, resulting in a product that stands out in a competitive market. From the smallest details to the overarching systems, well-crafted mechanics can make all the difference in turning a good game into a great one.

[gracehealthcarenp]

Can Anxiety Cause Chest Pain? Understanding the Connection

Welcome to the Grace Health Care NP blog! Today, we’re diving deep into a frequently asked question: can anxiety cause chest pain? If you’ve ever experienced chest discomfort and wondered whether it could be linked to anxiety, you’re not alone. This post aims to clarify the relationship between anxiety and chest pain, including the various sensations associated with it, how to distinguish it from other conditions, and ways to manage it effectively.

What Does Chest Pain from Anxiety Feel Like?

When dealing with chest pain due to anxiety, the nature of the pain can be perplexing. People describe this type of discomfort in several ways:

Chest Pressure Anxiety: Many individuals experience a sensation of pressure in their chest. This pressure might feel like a heavy weight or a tight band squeezing around the chest. It’s often diffuse and not confined to a specific spot.

Sharp Pain: Some describe the pain as sharp or stabbing. This type of pain might come in sudden, intense bursts and can be alarming, though it typically doesn’t persist for long.

Dull Ache: A more persistent, dull ache is also common. This ache can feel like a constant burden in the chest and might be accompanied by tension in the upper back, shoulders, or neck.

Tingling or Numbness: Occasionally, anxiety can cause tingling or numbness in the chest area or arms. This sensation can add to the discomfort and contribute to feelings of distress.

How Does Anxiety Chest Pain Feel Like?

How does anxiety chest pain feel like? This can vary widely among individuals, but several key characteristics are common:

Inconsistent Pain: Unlike pain from a heart attack or other serious conditions, anxiety-related chest pain often fluctuates. It may come and go and can change in intensity.

Associated Symptoms: Anxiety chest pain is often accompanied by other anxiety symptoms such as palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, trembling, or a sense of doom.

Emotional Triggers: The pain may intensify during periods of high stress or emotional upheaval, indicating a strong link between your psychological state and physical symptoms.

Where Is Anxiety Chest Pain Located?

Where is anxiety chest pain located? This can help in understanding and managing the discomfort:

General Chest Area: Anxiety-related pain is often felt in the center of the chest or across a wide area rather than in a specific location.

Radiation: It can radiate to the shoulders, neck, or back, which is a common feature of anxiety-induced pain.

Unpredictable Location: The pain might move around or shift, adding to the confusion and anxiety about its cause.

Differentiating Anxiety Chest Pain from Other Conditions

Chest pain due to anxiety can be confusing and might mimic symptoms of more serious conditions. Here’s how you can differentiate it:

Duration and Consistency: Anxiety chest pain often fluctuates in intensity and is typically shorter in duration compared to pain from heart conditions, which might be more persistent and severe.

Associated Symptoms: Look for accompanying anxiety symptoms like rapid heartbeat, dizziness, or excessive sweating. Heart-related pain may also be accompanied by nausea, shortness of breath, or pain radiating down the left arm.

Response to Anxiety Management: If the pain improves with relaxation techniques or anxiety-reducing strategies, it’s more likely to be anxiety-related.

The Role of Anxiety in Chest Pain

Chest anxiety involves more than just the physical sensations; it includes the mental and emotional responses that exacerbate the discomfort. Here’s how anxiety contributes:

Muscle Tension: Anxiety often leads to increased muscle tension in the chest area, contributing to feelings of pressure and pain.

Hyperventilation: Rapid, shallow breathing associated with anxiety can cause chest tightness and discomfort, leading to a sensation of pressure or pain.

Heightened Sensitivity: Anxiety can make you more aware of bodily sensations, including those that are usually mild or unnoticeable, making normal sensations feel more intense and distressing.

Managing Anxiety-Related Chest Pain

If you’re dealing with chest pain due to anxiety, there are several effective strategies to help manage and reduce symptoms:

Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing to help calm your nervous system and alleviate chest pressure. Techniques like the 4-7-8 method can be particularly effective.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups to reduce overall tension and stress in your body.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Regular mindfulness practices can help reduce anxiety and improve your response to stress. Apps and guided meditations can assist in incorporating these practices into your daily routine.

Physical Activity: Regular exercise can help reduce anxiety levels and improve your overall physical health. Activities like walking, yoga, or swimming can be beneficial.

Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Maintaining a balanced diet, getting adequate sleep, and avoiding excessive caffeine or alcohol can support better mental health and reduce anxiety symptoms.

Professional Help: If anxiety is significantly affecting your quality of life, seeking help from a mental health professional can provide you with additional strategies and therapeutic options.

When to Seek Medical Attention

While anxiety and chest pain are often not indicative of a serious condition, it's important to seek medical attention if you experience:

Persistent or severe chest pain

Pain accompanied by shortness of breath, dizziness, or nausea

Pain that doesn’t improve with relaxation techniques or worsens over time

Always err on the side of caution and consult with a healthcare provider to ensure that your chest pain is not related to a more serious health issue.

Conclusion

Understanding anxiety in chest and recognizing what does chest pain from anxiety feel like can help you manage symptoms and reduce your worries. Differentiating between chest anxiety and other conditions is crucial for proper care and treatment. By utilizing various management techniques and seeking professional support when needed, you can address both the physical and emotional aspects of anxiety-related chest pain.

At Grace Health Care NP, we’re here to support your journey to wellness. If you have further questions or need assistance, please reach out. Your health and well-being are our top priorities.

[yvonnethomasphdla]

Benefits of Professional Grief Counseling

Reaching out to a psychologist for grief counseling after you’ve lost someone can provide many benefits. Dr. Yvonne Thomas has been providing pro grief counseling in Los Angeles for decades. There are many ways that grief counseling can help. Dr. Thomas can help you through essentially every step of the grieving process.  

Centering You

It is entirely normal to experience a multitude of emotions after a loss. However, realizing the ability to manage these emotions can be incredibly empowering. Grief therapy nurtures this understanding, helping you to feel hopeful even in the face of loss and change.

Other benefits of grief counseling include equipping individuals with strategies to regain their life’s control. Grief often induces elevated stress and anxiety levels, distorting one’s perception and inducing feelings of being lost. However, grief counseling can act as a compass guiding through the storm, assisting individuals to reclaim their life’s control. Rather than repressing symptoms, grief therapy bolsters resilience, empowering individuals to face life’s adversities.

React Better to Life Changes

Grief or less of any kind can bring significant, unwanted changes to your life (at the risk of understatement). Adapting to these changes can be a daunting task, but grief counseling creates a pathway towards acceptance and personal growth. It offers support while exploring new roles and responsibilities and provides a myriad of methods to adapt to the changing environment. Plus, these also aid in refining communication abilities. Articulating thoughts and feelings clearly allows those around to offer significant and supportive assistance during challenging periods.

Grief can result in a divide in relationships, making connections hard to maintain. However, through therapy, it is possible to discover what it would take to reestablish these connections, restoring and enriching relationships that might have suffered. That doesn’t mean that this automatically can happen or will happen. Rather, it means that you can have the tools necessary to live how you want.

Re-Connecting You to Your Life

Suffering a significant loss can often cause a sense of disconnection from the world. Therapy can help you articulate your emotional status, particularly when those around you struggle to understand your pain. Remember, you’re not alone in your grief, and a professional grief counselor can act as a supportive ally in your unique journey towards healing.

Initially, grief counseling can act as a vital compass, aiding in understanding and navigating the complex facets of grief. The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are, for the most part, experienced by all. That said, remember:these stages might not always follow a sequential pattern and can differ dramatically from one person to the next.

A Safe Place to Start the Next Phase of Your Life

Grief counseling offers a refuge—a secure environment permitting free expression of emotions. There are no wrong or misplaced feelings. With the unpredictability of the grief timeline often extending to years, having a safe haven for emotional expression is vital.

Another noteworthy benefit of grief counseling is the coping strategies and tools Dr. Thomas can provide. This can guide individuals through the maze of intense emotions that follow grief. She can help you to develop coping mechanisms that can manage feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression that frequently occur after a loss.

Grief therapy helps individuals attain an enhanced degree of self-awareness—a valuable skill that provides a better understanding of feelings and emotions. This increased self-awareness can enable the identification and modification of ineffective or harmful thinking patterns that may cause emotional distress.

One of the hardest stages to traverse in grief is acceptance. Therapy can be an instrumental tool that helps individuals confront the harsh reality of their loss. However, it’s crucial to comprehend that acceptance does not imply forgetting the loved one or finding peace with their departure. It only denotes learning to exist in the new reality that follows a loss.

Even the act of reaching out for counseling can diminish the often-felt isolation accompanying grief. It provides a comforting presence, validates feelings, and provides understanding when the surrounding world appears alienating. A grief counselor can assist in reinforcing the idea that individual feelings are neither incorrect nor abnormal, a critical step towards healing.

Grief Counseling in Los Angeles with Dr. Yvonne Thomas

Professional grief counseling offers numerous benefits, all of which contribute to well-rounded healing and personal growth. It provides you with the tools, knowledge, and support, enabling you to regain control of your life and navigate through your grief with resilience and strength. Remember, it’s never an act of weakness to seek help; instead, it’s a testament to your strength, resilience, and desire for a healthier, happier life.

The right therapy can help. Schedule a free consultation with Dr. Thomas through this site or by calling.

[emirateshearingcare2]

Understanding Hearing Problems: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments

Our ears are subject to many hearing problems. Some may affect our hearing, while others may cause issues with infections and balance. That is why having our ears checked is very important because we can detect the issue and try to treat it.

Let’s look at some of the most common problems to give you further insight.

Common Hearing Problems

 

Tinnitus

 

It is characterized by buzzing or ringing in the ears that is perceived in one ear or both. These sounds may be temporary or heard continuously. It is mostly noticeable in silence.

Tinnitus can be categorized as subjective and objective tinnitus. If it is subjective, it is only heard by the patient. The rarer type, objective tinnitus, is usually perceived by the doctor.

Tinnitus is considered a symptom of many causes. It can start for no evident reason.

 

Now, there is currently no definite treatment for tinnitus. However, there are some treatments and therapies that relieve the discomfort and the symptoms of tinnitus. Unfortunately, tinnitus can have a huge impact and be a source of stress, causing anxiety, sleeping problems, and anger.

 

To start with, you should contact your ear, nose, and throat doctor so you can find a solution to your condition.

 

Presbycusis/ Age-related Hearing Loss

It is a progressive hearing loss or age-related hearing disease. It usually starts after the age of 50 and is usually associated with tinnitus. It is the most common condition that affects adults as they age. Some symptoms might show having trouble in:

 

Hearing, following, and understanding doctor’s advice

Responding to warnings

Hearing phones, alarms, and doorbells

 

What is the reason for losing our hearing as we get older?

 

The changes due to age in the middle ear and along the nerve pathways from the ear affect the hearing process.

Long-term exposure to noise and some medical conditions can also play a negative role.

High blood pressure and diabetes are connected to hearing loss.

Otosclerosis, known as abnormalities of the middle ear, worsens hearing with age.

 

Noise-Induced Hearing Loss

 

The sounds we hear every day from television, radio, household appliances, and traffic are all safe sounds that do not damage your hearing. When they start being so loud, they become harmful and damage the sensitive structures in the inner ear, leading to noise-induced hearing loss (NIHL).

 

NIHL can be caused by a one-time exposure to loud sounds such as an explosion, or by continuous exposure to loud sounds over an extended period such as noise being generated in a woodworking shop.

When you are exposed to loud noise over long periods, you gradually start to lose your hearing. You might ignore the signs of hearing loss at first until they become more pronounced.

 

The damage from noise-induced hearing loss can lead to severe hearing loss where using hearing aids becomes a must to magnify the sounds around. Tinnitus also might develop in one or both ears either constantly or occasionally.

 

The good thing about this type of hearing loss is that it is completely preventable. If you understand the risks of hearing loud noises and how to practice good hearing health, then you can protect your hearing.

 

Meniere’s Disease

This disease touches the inner ear. It is often accompanied by tinnitus, dizziness, or hearing loss. The causes are still unknown because they usually occur unpredictably. There are some factors though that are considered a multifactorial cause. Some of them are:

Trauma

Infections

Ischemia

Autoimmunity

Heredity

Frequently, it is treated with medication. If complications become worse, an operation may be taken into consideration.

 

Chronic Ear Disorders

 

Otitis is a common infectious disease, affecting all individuals, particularly infants and young children. Several types of ear infections affect different parts of the ear. How can we recognize the symptoms and treat them?

 

Acute otitis is an infection that affects the middle ear. It is usually caused by a bacterium or a viral origin. Children are susceptible to this because of how their immunity works.

Usually, this infection leaves a hole in the eardrum that never heals. To treat it, doctors normally:

 

Try to clean the ear canal and middle ear

Give antibiotic ear drops or antibiotics to take by mouth, if needed

Surgery in case of an eardrum perforation or a cholesteatoma (skin-like growth in the middle ear)

 

Hyperacusis

 

It is a type of reduced tolerance to sound. People who suffer from it find that ordinary noises seem too loud, and loud noises seem painful and uncomfortable. The most common cause of it is damage to the inner ear from aging or exposure to loud noise. Other common causes could be:

 

Chronic exposure to noise due to working in a noisy environment

Medications

Head injury

Surgery to the ear

Paralysis of the facial nerve

 

If your hyperacusis is severe, you may find difficulty leaving your home and your tolerance for sound starts to affect your career and social life. Shopping centers, movie theaters, and restaurants may be too loud. Small activities like watching the television, using a vacuum cleaner, or driving a car seem problematic.

The good news though is that it can be managed in several ways, including:

 

Wearing hearing protection in noisy places

Asking others to avoid raising their voices

Tinnitus retraining therapy (TRT)

Medication to help solve sleeping problems (this option may be needed in the short term)

Talking to a professional about the symptoms faced

 

Sometimes, it is associated with tinnitus and distortion of sounds.

 

Ototoxic drugs

 

There are many medications that when taken, might damage the inner ear.

An example is medications for cancer treatment. When using several of them, the risk of hearing loss and tinnitus increases. That is the case when you take large doses for a long period.

 

Other examples include:

 

Antibiotics

Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs

Aspirin if taken in large amounts

Few heart and blood pressure medications

Anti-nausea medications

 

Congenital hearing loss

We are talking here about hearing loss in infants and young children.  The word “congenital” means present at birth. This means hearing loss that affects babies for different reasons. It is one of the most widespread chronic conditions in children.

There are three types of congenital hearing loss: sensorineural, conductive, and mixed.

 

Congenital hearing loss can be hereditary or genetic. It could be the result of low birth weight, premature birth, or birth injuries. It could be caused by infections during pregnancy, rubella, or cytomegalovirus. Some of these infections include:

 

Viral infections

Bacterial infections

Use of alcohol and opioids

Jaundice

Parasitic infections

 

It is more common in babies who are still in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Newborns should be tested for hearing loss shortly after birth to receive the right treatment and therapy promptly. Intervention within the first six months usually prevents social and developmental problems.

 

Many of the congenital hearing loss cases are linked to environmental factors. That is why they can be prevented through:

 

Vaccination

Awareness of the effects of drugs and alcohol on the baby during pregnancy

Early treatment

 

The treatment for congenital hearing loss is multifaceted. It involves a team of professionals to develop the best treatment plan. This team consists of audiologists, pediatricians, speech-language pathologists (experts in language, speech, and social communication), otolaryngologists (medical doctors who specialize in ear, nose, and throat), and genetic counselors (professionals who assess risk for inherited conditions).

 

Devices that help to manage hearing problems

Hearing aids

These small electronic devices amplify sounds and make them louder. You can wear them behind your ear or in it. They make tinnitus and many other hearing problems less noticeable when increasing the background noise level using the device.

Sound generators

These devices are made to cover up the sounds of tinnitus, making it less disturbing.

Some sound generators include a hearing aid.

Devices for the office/home

These devices can be used by putting them nearby instead of wearing them. They help to cover up the sounds of tinnitus. An example of them is “white noise” machines and apps that play music or nature sounds.

Auditory trainers

This is a device that you can wear in a room where a person is talking. The one speaking can wear a microphone and you wear a small device that makes their voice much easier to be heard.

Cochlear implants

This is an electronic device that is implanted in the middle ear. It does the job of the natural inner ear to help people with serious hearing loss to hear again.

 

The earlier hearing problems are detected, the quicker a treatment plan can be developed and implemented. If you are concerned about your ability to hear, you can talk to your healthcare provider. Understanding that there are different ways to help you with your hearing problem can give you a sense of control. Don’t ignore your symptoms! Trust your body and try to help yourself out!

[eavanyhuang]

The Depressive Realism of Addiction

Today’s podcast is, again, from Frontline Herbalism, an episode in which Nicole interviews her partner Rob about his experience of and thoughts about substance addiction. While I have known some advocacy for decriminalizing drug use in North America, Nicole is right that there is not much organizing around addiction, especially as a public health issue, in social movement spaces. This makes me into wondering if and to what extent “organizing” itself is narcotic, as well as how modernity-coloniality relies heavily on addiction-based affective structures to operate. But before it goes too far, I want to take notes on a couple things they discussed that are important.

First, being addicted to substance, especially in the current society that stigmatizes, infantilizes, criminalizes, and dehumanizes addicts, is extremely traumatic. Such trauma is disproportionate, considering other completely normalized forms of addiction, such as work, heteronormativity, ableism, standardized body image, meritocracy, hierarchy, capital, consumption, screen time, toxic positivity, etc., because the way modernity deprives societies of their medical sovereignty. It is particularly hard to maintain any kind of relationship with the world, such as medical professionals and schools, not to mention building and sustaining close communities of friends and family. Even those who built a bond among themselves often lose members to incarceration, sudden death, and/or displacement. In addition to this, the amount of anxiety produced by the unpredictability of the dosage and components of the drugs they get each day is insane. A big part of the high rate of relapse among addicts is exactly this traumatic experience and the sense of pain and isolation it induces, which drives them to seek more solace from substances.

Second, it takes coordinated social support to help, which in and of itself should be a political campaign. It is not easy to “come clean” once you are addicted to substance and forced to live on the street in the current society. On the street, drug addicts usually need to work extra hard to fund their habit via risky choices, a reality that Rob describes as a “full time job”. In such circumstances, community detox cannot happen. Only when there are funded infrastructures providing safe and free drug use and temporary staying spaces, as well as resourceful communities coming together to help individuals in need of healing and recovery, would the whole weaning off process be likely to succeed.

Third, drug addiction should be framed, thought of, and treated as a disease instead of a moral failure. At the end of the episode Rob corrected the language of “enabling”, as addicts don’t need drug dealers to “wave it” in front of them, they would seek it out themselves. By using such language, the society encourages the deprivation of substance from addicts as the ultimate solution, whereas in reality it could be deadly and immensely traumatic to them. Instead, addiction is a condition of sickness that manifests in substance abuse, the latter of which is the symptom not the cause.

I find addiction extremely generative for thinking about modern-colonial affect, not as a metaphor, but as a description. What if modernity-coloniality is a form of addiction, the forms of substance of which, as Rob points out, do not really matter. As I mentioned above, this could be work, heteronormativity, ableism, standardized body image, meritocracy, hierarchy, capital, consumption, screen time, toxic positivity, information, professionalism and authority, commodities, etc.. The objects can shift and change, but addiction per se is the disease left untreated. This helps formulate a loving critique of Lauren Berlant’s discussion of cruel optimism that limits itself in the confine of “American dream”’s brutal awakening: it’s not even timely, but applicable to modern-coloniality at all times. In the first chapter of Cruel Optimism she offers an interpretation of Charles Johnson’s Exchange Value that has stuck with me for a couple years. The story is about two black brothers, who grew up in poverty, robbing their possibly dead neighbor, ending up with a giant amount of money. They each approach this very differently, one through binge consumption, the other compulsive hoarding. She comments, in her usual style of depressive realism, on page 41,

“’Exchange Value’” demonstrates the proximity of two kinds of cruel optimism: with little cultural or economic capital and bearing the history of a racial disinheritance form the norms of white supremacist power, you work yourself to death, or coast to nonexistence; or, with the ballast of capital, you hoard against death, deferring life, until you die. Cooter is the realist; he can see that there’s no way out, now, no living as if not in a relation to death, which is figured in all of the potential loss that precedes it.”

Here she makes clear the disproportionately high cost of the transparency thesis on the black Subject. He simply cannot afford it because of the materiality of race. Throughout the whole book there were cases after cases of deep insightful analyses of why people of various backgrounds stay attached to the visions of a “good life” that do not work anymore. It is the kind of work that provide a descriptive account that is itself powerful in decluttering the affective barriers in the way of collective action and liberation. But in liberation work, there is only so much decluttering can and should do. I think “the good life” and the cruel optimistic attachments to it explains the choice of objects of addiction very well, but remains unhelpful for thinking about the root source of addiction in our organism. This is precisely why I want to holistically consider the attachment to the modern Subject expressed in Ricoeur’s golden triangle: ethics, morality, and justice. The economies of care, recognition, and power can only coexist harmoniously in the minority rich white Subject. The rest are forced to reinvest their excessive energies in one category at a time, readily sacrificing the others.

[gamersince76]

Title: Survive the Apocalypse: A Review of DayZ for PC

Introduction: DayZ, an open-world survival game developed by Bohemia Interactive, offers a heart-pounding journey through a post-apocalyptic world ravaged by a deadly virus. With a focus on realism, player interactions, and an ever-evolving environment, DayZ has been a staple in the survival genre since its inception as a mod for Arma 2. This review explores the PC version of DayZ, highlighting its strengths, weaknesses, and overall gameplay experience.

Gameplay (8/10): DayZ's gameplay is an intense mix of survival, exploration, and player interaction. The game plunges you into a vast and beautifully detailed post-Soviet landscape, where resources are scarce, and threats lurk around every corner. Your primary objectives are to scavenge for supplies, avoid or confront zombies and other players, and stay alive at all costs.

The game's realism is both its strength and its challenge. You'll need to manage your character's health, hunger, thirst, and body temperature while keeping an eye out for hostile players and environmental dangers. The mechanics create a tense atmosphere, making even mundane activities like finding food or medical supplies feel like significant accomplishments.

Interaction with other players is a central aspect of DayZ. Friendships can be formed, alliances forged, and betrayals enacted in this dynamic and unpredictable world. However, the game's unforgiving nature can also lead to frustration, as death often means losing all your hard-earned gear.

Graphics and Sound (7/10): DayZ's graphics have improved significantly since its early access days, but they still lag behind some contemporary titles. The landscapes are vast and diverse, featuring detailed towns, forests, and open fields. While the game's visuals won't rival AAA titles, they do a commendable job of immersing you in its bleak world.

The audio design shines in DayZ, with atmospheric sounds and excellent weapon effects. The sound of footsteps in different environments adds to the tension, making you constantly aware of your surroundings.

Performance (6/10): DayZ has faced its fair share of performance issues, even after its full release. The game's optimization can be hit or miss, with some players experiencing frame rate drops and occasional crashes. It's essential to have a powerful gaming PC to enjoy the game at its best.

Community (9/10): DayZ's community is one of its strongest assets. The game's emphasis on player interaction and emergent storytelling has created a dedicated and active player base. Whether you want to team up with friends or engage in tense standoffs with strangers, DayZ offers a social gaming experience like no other.

Conclusion (8/10): DayZ for PC delivers a unique and thrilling survival experience set in a harsh, unforgiving world. Its realism, emphasis on player interactions, and the ever-present danger of the infected and other players create an atmosphere that's both captivating and anxiety-inducing. While performance issues and a sometimes steep learning curve may deter some players, those who embrace the challenge will find an immersive and unforgettable gaming experience in DayZ.

 

 

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