#it’s the same reason why I’m cool with Hannibal for cannibal reasons but not for psychological reasons

[peytraa]

Anyway the reason I can have fun with Luther Sloan but not Gul Dukat is because Luther Sloan is not a villain I’m ever going to meet irl. I’m never going to be in that situation. He’s just some fun dude to me. Gul Dukat, on the other hand, is a guy that I see at work at least once a day and I HATE him.

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

[hellroots]

『 MOBILE FRIENDLY RULES 』

— here you will find my rules or can also find them on my gdocs as well once i’m done with it. please like this if you read it, but otherwise don’t interact with this post, thank you. rest assured that i always read my moots rules before following and that i fully expect the same courtesy. i tried not to let them get too long but feel free to ask me anything you wanna know about them if it’s not clear ok?

 『 THE MUN』

NOXTROMUN, THEY/THEM, 21+, BRAZILIAN

shy but friendly ! i don't follow for follow, if i follow you that means i've read your rules and want to write with you. i have no triggers nor squicks of my own except drama in the dash, for that reason i do not engage in callouts/witch hunts and if you do it on a constant basis i might have to hard block you for my own peace of mind. although i may come off too strong/harsh, i am always up to talking things out privately. as long as you are civil, so am i. any form of hate will be deleted and blocked -  sometimes mocked, if i’m feeling cocky…

『 THE BLOG』

HELLROOTS, INDIE ( POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING AND NOT MINOR FRIENDLY ), HIGHLY SELECTIVE & PRIVATE MULTIFANDOM MULTIMUSE

primarily run on a low activity \ effort and with a slow speed.. my muselist changes a lot, depends a lot on what i’m watching lately so bear with me please. this is a drama free zone, therefore do realise that mun ≠ muses and (obviously) writing ≠ condoning !! as a quick note, do keep in mind that my blog is my safe space, just as your blog is yours - you are responsible for your own internet experience just as i am responsible for mine. should anything in my blog annoy/trigger/squick you, i strongly encourage you to block me & not write with me - your mental health is far more important ( for me, and hopefully for you as well ) than rp. on that note, please do not softblock me - that’s annoying, just hardblock please.

『 THE TRIGGERS』

TRIGGER HEAVY, PROPERLY TAGGED AND TAKING NO CRAP

i  usually  tend to write for trigger heavy fandoms (such as asoiaf, kingdom and others) and may incorporate some of it into my writing, muses' backgrounds and overall characterization. if you're bothered \ squicked \ triggered by that, i kindly encourage you to reconsider and not follow me. no amount of rp fun is worth your mental health.  i try to tag everything accordingly and i fully expect the same courtesy for our followers' sakes. be aware that there may be mentions of death, gore, violence, consanguinamory \ endogamy (especially when it comes to the lannisters and kekkei genkai clans), rape ( kingdom, though it will only be mentioned on the character’s backstory ) and cannibalism ( hannibal and kingdom ) , as well as unhealthy relationships and dynamics alongside with powerplay, and otherwise bad behaviours.  for all that is sacred, please, do note that i, the mun, do not approve, support or condone any of these actions or behaviours !!  i simply am capable of separating fiction from reality. as long as everything is properly tagged, with mutual consent and there are no minors involved (muse and especially not muns), . i support the right of a consenting adult to explore these awful dark topics in a safe fictional environment with other like minded consenting adults, people shouldn’t have to share their traumas to strangers on the internet to explain why they write what they write, be considerate. if that notion bothers you perhaps you might not want to interact with me, for both of ours sakes. fair warning, most of my graphics and aesthetics might trigger those who have xylophobia/hylophobia (phobia of trees or wooded areas), and considering it is a main theme here i will not be tagging it, i'm sorry. but its too many. however, if you want me to create a special tag for you, there's no issue! it will be either "[your mun name] don't look!" or "[your url] don't look!", whichever you prefer. QUICK EDIT/ADDITION: i do not believe that aging up fictional characters is inherently a bad thing - from what i understand, the whole appeal of aging up a character is that while you like their personality but you do not want them to be kids (for whatever reason) but insteasd adults. if you are one of those who think that aging up a character is automatically something bad (without even knowing why it was done in the first place) don’t bother following me because i do think that opinion is quite silly.

『 THE INTERACTIONS』

OC, DUPLICATE, MULTIMUSE AND CANON DIVERGENT FRIENDLY

my tagging system is simple, i tag triggers as "tw; x" and . images that may be sensitive or triggering as "cw; x". you can further see how my tags work by taking a look at my tag dump post, just search ‘tag dump’ on my blog and you will find the most recent one i’m using.    i shitpost and talk oocly on the dash constantly but you can easily blacklist my tag if it bothers you.  here's something you should know about me:  when i'm doing drafts i usually don't feel like chatting much, so please do not spam me because i won't be able to reply, i love to talk with my moots but sometimes it overwhelms me.  on that note, please don't pester me for replies ic or ooc, i am slow and chances are that if you try to guilt trip me or just nag me about it i'll leave as the ones i'll get to in the later end on purpose, just out of spite. yes, i be like that.   please be patient - i’ll never pressure you and expect the same in return.  plotting wise: i prefer to just wing it with just a faint idea of where to take the thread but honestly i'm cool with anything. please be considerate when formatting your replies, i have a bad eyesight & if i can't read it, i won't bother with it.   my own formatting is simple and clean.   on a smaller note, please bear with me and my muses as my muses ramble a lot but you don't have to match the length, just give me something to work with. if we write together, the chances of me making edits/tagging you in stuff are really big, just lmk if you don’t like that though !

『 THE FLEET』

MOSTLY BI/PAN MUSES, MULTISHIP AND MULTIVERSE, SMUT FRIENDLY

i love shipping but i like my ships to be devices to move the plot/dynamics/muses forward, every once in a while though i partake in some much loved self indulgent shipping. just because i ship a certain pairing don't presume that my characters are approaching yours with second intentions, please.   most of the time i like to reblog those relationship memes, so if you’re interested in a ship the best way (other than  sending me a message ofc) to let me know is by sending ones. there will be some triggering ships here ( like the lannisters, both cersei x jaime and joanna x tywin are my otps, and potential inter clan ships, like with the hyugas - i mean how the hell you think they keep the byakugan in their family?? ) that may either be played with trusted friends or be mentioned/reblogged sometimes, all properly tagged so you can easily blocklist/avoid it.  most of my muses are either bi or pan, those who are not will be specified. don't be afraid to reach out to me for shipping right off the bat - i'd rather have you to be open and honest with me about the interactions you want than lying to me, just know that there will be needed some plotting and threading first to see if your muses match. as an adult, my blog is smut friendly, i partake in sexual sunday a lot because some of my muses are very lewd in nature, you can blacklist my tag if that bothers you as well.

『 THE FINAL NOTES』

GENERAL RP ETIQUETTE APPLIES, CREDITS, THANK YOU FOR READING MY RULES

lastly but not least, general rp etiquette applies on my blog: no godmodding, forced ships, etc. there’s only ONE thing that truly makes me go apeshit crazy, and it’s when people don’t read my rules. i ALWAYS find out and it’s not pretty; i block it like it’s hot, ♪ ♫ ♬ block it like it’s hot ♪ ♫ ♬.   i strongly assure you that i always read your rules before both following you and also before sending memes, just in case. on a much smaller note, i’m not so hot on single shipping and i really feel weirded out about people forcing me to pic who i’m going to interact with due to theirs DNI’s. while i get DNI’s when it comes to actual predators, when it’s something seemingly random chances are that i’ll softblock you because it weirds me out how volatile some can be when it comes to a hobby. i have some trigger heavy hcs ( for example, the one about jiraiya’s hypersexuality being rooted in trauma that he suffered at a young age ) that i share with only a few muns that are closer with me, so i’ll be mentioning them every once in a while but won’t share them, please don’t insist.  i don’t really like most of the main characters of the franchises i write for, and when it comes to certain characters  i reserve the right to decline an rp for my own comfort. for further info on what i use to make my graphics please check my “CREDITS.” tag.  most of my stuff is made by me, i’ve got a lowkey rph in case you wanna check it out it’s @brazucahelps, however if you want a custom content i can see if i get a free time to come up with something :D

 IF YOU READ THIS FAR, THANK YOU SO MUCH — JUST ONE LAST THING, COULD YOU PLS LIKE THIS SO I KNOW YOU’VE READ IT? <3 THANKS!

[themissinggenius]

Part 2/2

Another conversation was coming, but it was avoided for the time being. Clarice showered in the guest bathroom; earlier, she had tried peering around the house—still mad but a bit embarrassed by the outburst. The door had been put back into place since she showered, and the water had been cleaned off of the floor. Hannibal was nowhere to be found. I really did it this time, she thought. Her body relaxed, and her face softened. She didn’t think it was appropriate to laugh, but the thought still surfaced, prompting a sad smile. I pushed around the violent centerpiece of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list. And he just cried. Shithouse mouse. The smirk dissipated as she ruminated further... She had hit him. Being a domestic abuser wasn’t just rude; it was boringly common. 

She moved the thoughts about violence to the side and shifted her attention to the cause of the scuffle. I don’t know what he expected. Hannibal knows the depth of my old relationship with Jack, as much as he hated him. He told me to say goodbye to my father, so why not Jack?

Your daddy and Jackie Boy aren’t the same, she reminded herself. At this moment, she was both grateful and resentful that her internal voice of reason was that of her husband. At least it was helping her see his view. Okay, so the relationship isn’t necessarily comparable. But why would he think I wouldn’t come home? Did he really read my intentions so incorrectly?

Clarice laid awake in the guest bedroom for hours.

~~

Hannibal Lecter relies on his intuition; it may just be his most famous attribute. On rare occasion, though, his cunning will fail him. On the day that Jack Crawford died, it most certainly did.

However, he doesn’t know that yet. Instead, he is reclined in repose at the seat of his harpsichord which he does not play. As he is off in one of the ill-visited quarters of the home, Clarice would be unable to hear the notes carrying from her position in the guest room; even so, he does not play. Hannibal gleaned a look of disgust and frustration from her earlier, and thus, he was certain his Starling would take flight by the morning for reasons known but difficult to accept. There is no reason for him to play.

Poised on the bench, he disappeared to his memory palace without struggle. The difficulty came when he walked down the halls, closing each door that had belonged to her. Hannibal contemplated as he walked: There is a certain symmetry to this—an appreciable one. Clarice’s hotheadedness had been a defining feature of hers, whereas he relied on coolness. He chastised himself for his own emotional outburst; it was unlike him to breakdown, and though he had allowed himself to become vulnerable to his wife, with her likely departure, he had to withdraw from all this fragility. He had to shut down. He had to be the ice to meet her violent fire. 

Thus, he closed her doors, sealing the emotional ties within each.

~~

Hannibal emerged at the sound of her voice. He had not heard her approaching in nor had he smelled her. 

A few paces away from the harpsichord, Clarice stood. Hannibal had been contemplating whether to address her as Clarice (Perhaps too informal at this point...), Agent Starling (But even when she goes back, she won’t be an agent...), or Miss Starling (Ummmm, I don’t like this one very much...) when she interrupted.

“Hannibal,” she started. 

“Ah.” He paused but spoke again before she could continue. “I see you’ve finally decided to join me. Had enough tossing and turning up there, or did you come down to use me as your personal punching bag again?”

“No, no. I just think-”

He cut her off again. “You know what I think, Ex-Special Agent Starling?” Oooh. That works, he thought. “Well, actually I wonder. I wonder if that was how Daddy took care o’ Mommy when she wouldn’t shut ‘er yap.” His imitation of her accent—which she had long abandoned—made her flinch. “If Ma didn’t have dinner on the table at five-o-clock, yes siree, she’d be in some kinda trouble. And boy, does Clarice still wanna be like her Daddy! No matter what,” he emphasized with a drawl, “she’s gonna stand by him. It sure do seem that way tuh me!” Hannibal smirked, and his face betrayed no warmth.

The room had felt colder to Clarice when she had walked in. She had expected him to be upset, but she hadn’t expected this. The woman paused and considered the implications: her musings were correct. He really did misread her, and now he was trying to drive her away. Well fuck that. 

In their years of marriage, the couple had picked up on a few of each other’s traits. For one, Clarice was not going to allow a bit of intimidation break her. He came close to doing so in Baltimore, but he would not again. She steeled herself, adopting a bit of his icy demeanor.

“No, Hannibal. My father did not hit my mother. I think I would’ve told you by now, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer right away; rather, he just pursed his lips and smiled. 

Then, he began: “As you know, I don’t try to predict you because it often proves fruitless.” He looked off before setting his gaze squarely on her. “However, considering these... outbursts of yours and the contempt plain on your face, I have bought you a ticket back to Arlington in time for dear Mr. Crawford’s funeral. For my safety, I will also be leaving, but not to Virginia. I know how much you must miss Jackie; please, give him my regards when you go. Maybe if you scream and pound on his grave hard enough, someone will hear and they’ll finally find you... Three years after you were reported as a missing person.” Lecter’s eyebrows shot up, and he shrugged. “Though I doubt you’ll be reinstated, as you haven’t kept your resume up to date. It will be no problem for you, though, Clarice.” He gave her a kind, patronizing look. “You’re a very smart girl. When you rediscover that the FBI has no use for your intelligence, try showing off your trophies from the firing range. Maybe even tell them about your skills in hand-to-hand combat... I could write you a glowing reference!”

Hannibal was perfectly still in his seat with his wife just beyond him. He waited patiently for her to break. He wanted no end to be left untied when she left. Your turn.

“I see you still try and lick tears after you’ve tired of tasting your own.” Clarice took a slow step toward him. She needed to crack his facade quickly. “Fortunately or unfortunately, I have no intention of moving back to the States. I find that I’m quite happy right here.”

Only she could have noticed the slight twitch of the doctor’s right eye upon this admission. And she did.

Starling inched closer. “Now, about this ‘contempt plain on my face’...” She mirrored his voice and flat expression; her imitation was even better than his had been. “Did ya happen to consider that it’s because you just tried to tear me apart—unsuccessfully, I might add? Let me tell you what I know, Doctor.” She hammed up the formality in her tone. “I know you’re not comfortable feeling worried about another person. I know that you felt vulnerable when I was gone, and I know you didn’t like that.” 

She paused, remaining collected. She raised her voice a tad for this last bit. “Lastly, I know that you ASSUMED. And if there is one—just one!—good thing that goddamned Jack Crawford taught me over the years,” she laughed, “it’s that, when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME. Trust me, baby, you did just that. And despite what your intuition told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

She did it. The true stoic’s face had broken, and Hannibal the Cannibal sat, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth and then closed it. She continued.

“I’m sorry that you misread my motivations. I spent yesterday reflecting on how I had gotten to this point, and I had come home feeling glad. I was planning on going upstairs to find you, drawing a bath for the both of us, and then dancing later on in the evening. Your assumption got us a bit sidetracked, though.” Looking down at her watch, it was 2am. Holy crap. She focused back on him and noted that he was still unmoving but appeared less rigid than before. The room felt like it had finally warmed up.

Clarice took a last step towards her husband. Now above him, looking down, she said, “I am sincerely sorry for hitting you, Hannibal.”

Finally, he stirred. “Clarice, I have not once so much as laid a finger on you in anger...”

“I know. Ironic, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

His wife smirked at that, and he returned the favor. “No, I guess you wouldn’t. Anyway, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. You know what else won’t happen again?” She held his chin and spoke softly. “You doubting us. I’m with you for the long haul. Where the hell did you even think I was going?”

“Ummmm. To be candid, I’m unsure of what I thought your plan was. I assumeddddd,” he looked up at her teasingly, “that you were leaving because of a change in heart.”

“My, Dr. Lecter, you didn’t have every one of my steps planned out before I could even think of them? What have I done to you?”

“I can now definitively say that you bring out the worst in me.”

Clarice laughed and sat down next to him. “Crying? And worrying?” She was feeling more relaxed, placing her hand on his leg as she started laughing harder. “Why am I not surprised that you consider that to be Hannibal Lecter at his worst?”

Her husband just smiled back at her. She saw his cheeks blush almost imperceptibly, which then prompted a further fit. It wasn’t long before they were both laughing.

“You had better... go back... into that memory palace of yours... and open up my doors ASAP,” Clarice ordered while catching her breath.

“And how did you—?”

“You were sitting on that bench for quite a while before I called out to ya. Try not to forget about me so soon, huh?”

“I wouldn’t even think of it.” Never again, he added silently. “But I must ask... Would I be incorrect in assuming you still want to dance?”

Clarice smiled widely. Hannibal shifted in his seat and began to play.

[kiss-my-freckle]

1x1 Rewatch: Aperitif

Gif set can be found here.

I’m only gonna do one episode rewatch a day. I like to be as detailed as I can, comment about things that stand out to me, so my posts end up longer than I’d like them to be. That’s aside from my rewatches taking a bit of time because I note things as I watch the episode. Expect a gif set with each rewatch. They’ll focus on Will’s character. 

Perfect pilot opening. They start off with a crime scene reanactment to show how Will Graham's mind works. He's teaching a class, showing them how he catches killers. Psychoanalyzing 101. Every crime scene reenactment Will does, it appears as though he's the one doing the killing. He doesn't think about killing people - yet. He's more like Morgan on Criminal Minds, but he appears to be working random murder cases rather than serial killers at the open of the show.

This entire series is centered around Will's being. He has no idea who he is, and he's so afraid of his own mind that he refuses to fully understand it. He avoids a psychological profile because of that fear, and is just as terrified of letting others see him or even speak about him and the way his mind works. This often puts Will on the defense. Insert Jack Crawford. The Evil Minds Research Museum. 

Religious aspect is heavy, but fitting when it comes to life and death and the mind of a serial killer. Pure empathy allows Will to understand anyone and everyone. It makes him perfectly suitable for Hannibal. The evidence can only take the FBI so far, Will's empathy takes them further. He starts popping Aspirins almost immediately because Jack is setting his mind on fire. Add in nightmares that cause Will to pull his shirt off because he wakes in a sweat. So hot, he has to dip his face in a sink full of cold water. Expect this to become an issue. 

Animals, that's where many serial killers initially direct their violence. Will is perfectly capable of raising a house full of dogs, so he doesn't sell as a serial killer, only a man who has the inability to connect with others because he doesn’t understand himself. He understands animals as he understands people. Those dogs are his family, and you can tell he’s most comfortable with them. More on the dogs once I hit the third season. 

Alana Bloom spends most of her time lying to herself. She claims she can't be in a room alone with Will because she has a professional curiosity about him. Too much time in a room alone with him, she's liable to tear his clothes off, she’s sexually attracted to Will. Her conversation with Jack about his fear pushes to the end of the series. A lot of the pilot episode pushes forward that way. "It's the price of imagination." Will no longer fears his imagination in the final two, that's why Hannibal said he's both free and damned to imagine anything, and Will handed his pet Chilton to Francis.  

A lion in the room. Hannibal's comment to Franklin is purposeful. While everyone else sees Will as a lamb, Hannibal sees a lion the instant they meet. More from the pilot that pushes to the end of the series. I could list the many ways it pushes to the end of the series. Just watch the pilot and the final two to see what I mean. For Hannibal, it's love at first sight. His eyes devour Will. Too much time in a room alone with him, he's liable to tear his clothes off too. He also fully understands Will's mind at first sight, which he considers just as beautiful.

Will has a problem separating because he has no forts in his mind. He can't protect what he loves from what he sees and learns, so they meld. Difficult for Will because he's not just learning about these killers, he's learning about himself. Mere minutes of conversation, and Hannibal knew exactly what Will needed. Will sees the beautiful side of a cannibal. Hannibal shows him the ugly side of a cannibal. Hobbs' cared-for victims needed to suffer. Take her lungs while she's still alive. Toss her into a field like waste instead of making pillows or putty. Now Will sees the killer’s face. Hannibal had to show Will the other side. Field kabuki on the cliff in the series finale, and Will thought it beautiful. 

Hannibal knows exactly what he did to Will. So much, he smiles wide as he eats his dinner. So much, he bypasses Jack because he wants to see Will after Will saw his crime scene. One of my favorite scenes of the series because it's the complete opposite of their cliff scene, both very intimate in their own way. He shows up at a time when Will is still in his t-shirt and boxers because he’s still sleeping. On the cliff, they're both naked. 

The ugly and the beautiful. The worst and the best. Positive and negative. Night and day. Evil and good. Devils and gods. All of this is themed in the series. I could gif these opposites, but it would take a while because there are so many. Hannibal and Will are Yin and yang. Will very much has Hannibal’s appetite. It's the sausage, not the eggs that he said is delicious. Like parents who lie about where the meat came from, or cutting the vegetables so small their kids can't see them in the spaghetti sauce. Will has no problem eating human. Knowing where it came from bothers him. He’s gonna find Hannibal interesting for the same reason Hannibal finds him interesting. 

The Minnesota Shrike isn't Hannibal. He only did it that way to help Will. I'll touch more on that when they start showing Hannibal's actual crime scenes. He wants to know how Will sees him. That's why he asked if Will is reconstructing his fantasies and what kind of problems he has. Will then asks how Hannibal sees him. “Have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile. You seemed very impressed with his opinion.” This switch made possible because of Hannibal’s comment about Jack. Will is now getting a private opinion from a psychologist without the psychoanalyzing. 

Will doesn't see himself as a mongoose, so he has a confused look on his face when Hannibal says it. "Peeking behind the curtain." Like saying he's peeking behind the veil, as Bedelia spoke of being with Hannibal. Hannibal is smiling because he sees a future with Will. Hannibal purposefully warns Hobbs. Not because he wants to save him, but because he knows what he has to do. Will has yet to kill, so he has yet to know how it feels to kill. Hannibal wants that for him... to feel powerful. To feel like God does when he collapses a church roof. 

I love the end scene with Abigail. A man who doesn't even socialize with his students, drawn to a child. Juxtaposition, comparing these two lambs and their relationships with their fathers. That's why I fully believe Will's father helped him suppress his killer instincts. Unlike Abigail's father, who fully involved her. But I also like the scene because of Will's acceptance. He wanted to meet with Abigail alone, to connect with her, but Hannibal's presence caught him off guard. While he can't stop psychoanalyzing because that's who he is, Hannibal already told Will what he saw of him. There's a slow build-up of trust in this episode, from one scene to the next. That's why Will has no problem seeing Hannibal for therapy in the second episode. The one person who could help him through the event he just experienced is the one person who was there with him when he experienced it. 

Jack is a problematic character. “Maybe we shouldn't poke him like that, Doctor. Perhaps a less, uh - direct approach.” That’s what season one becomes. Jack poking Will just by sending him to these crime scenes. As abusive as it is, Hannibal trying to take a different approach so Will can better understand who he is because he knows what the job is doing to him. If Jack isn’t gonna let the lion sleep, then Jack is gonna see the lion wide awake. That’s basically the way Hannibal sees it. 

Three scenes in this episode that stood out to me where Jack’s character is concerned. Adjusting Will’s glasses... oy. More to Hannibal’s comment about seeing Will as a fragile little teacup. He might as well bend down and tie Will’s shoes for him, as if Will is incapable of doing it himself. A show of superiority in the bathroom. So much, he forces an agent to use the ladies room. This is while Will is trying to cool down. He’s on fire, and Jack refuses him a single moment in the bathroom. My biggest issue was his comment to Alana, who already told him Will is her friend. “Ah, it seems a shame not to take advantage and academically speaking.” Because that’s what friends do, they take advantage of you. This sold me for Jack’s character and what I expected of him. He’s gonna use Will until he can’t use him any more. And he does. That’s why Jack is a fixed character. He’s there to be the force that causes Will the desire to change. 

[my-artblog-is-ssjumi]

Isono/Seto, Isono/Aileen, Hannibal/the other guy in that show aaand whatever Evangelion ship u most wanna talk about

disclaimer for folks with different taste than mine: you do you ofc but this ask game is not about your opinions

Isono/Seto

11/10 in every way (as long as not shipped as uwu) and the age gap is a big part of what really makes this ship in the first place

Love me all of this misplaced father/son dynamic stuff going on, since Isono doesn’t have time for the family life he would be pretty good at if he didn’t have the rich kids to take care of and Seto. Seto is just. His entire deal is that he is a bag made out of daddy issues filled with lots and lots of boxes that are also filled with daddy issues and a bunch of issues he got from his birth family.

Imo there’s a lot of unplatonic tension and a dynamic with an endless amount of potential right there and aside from a couple Japanese doujinshi artists and maybe 2 or 3 friends I don’t trust anyone in this fandom to do it justice so I’m not even mad that it’s not one of the more popular ships bc I don’t wanna see the healthy uwu.

*

Isono/Aileen

UGH, Sam, you’re SPOILING ME, asking for my MarySue child! X3

Ofc it’s a top tier ship, too, bc I came up with it and my taste is simply flawless.

I mean, if I was married to Seto Kaiba for some reason and ruined my social life outside the relationship with him in the process so I felt I didn’t have anyone aside from him anymore and we drifted apart because of his issues and my issues and then there’s the whole thing with the public eye, too, and I was this gorgeous (probably day-drinking) rich lady whose job it was to run the KC’s PR department - a job that only got shittier and shittier over the years the weirder Seto’s stunts got, building a school right next to an active volcano being just one of the cherries on top...........

I mean, who would I turn to in my loneliness?

Ofc I’d turn to the only other person who can relate to how exhausting it is to clean up Seto’s mess again and again and again but still sticks with him anyway.

(Some ppl might argue “What about Mokuba?” and I want these ppl to know that Mokuba deserves better and in this storyline he knows that and studied abroad and traveled the world and now knows what life outside the Kaiba bubble looks like... Also he probably fucks Jounouchi)

The soap opera aesthetic. Everything is bling in this golden cage.

And it’s impossible to tell if this relationship between Ai and Isono would even work outside of this bubble. I don’t think they want the same things from life. I mean, in case they even still know what they want from life in the first place.

Amazing. Show-stopping. Someone start production on this telenovela right now and I want a soft shimmery blur and star filters that makes the jewelry blind the audience on each and every close-up of Aileen!

*

Hannibal/Will

Oh boy!

Ok, so I actually watched that show a couple years ago but only got through the first two seasons and then was too lazy to figure out where to watch the rest (especially since it wasn’t clear at the time if it was cancelled or would be cancelled or not) and then kinda... forgot about it? Also I think I remember I was pretty annoyed by Will’s angst after a while.

I mean, it’s valid ofc.

His therapist/friend/whatever they were by that point was a manipulating cannibal and he had these blood-smeared antler nightmares and shit so I’m gonna cut him some slack here.

So, uh, my honest opinion............. I... guess it’s a ship that exists?

I mean, if I had the hots for one or both of them I might be able to get rly into it, but the sexiest thing on the show was the food (ignoring what it’s made of ofc. i guess.) and the rly fancy ties Hannibal always wore.

But the ship itself..........

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

*

an NGE ship of my choice

Oh my.... hmmmm.... ok, this is brutal honesty hour so I’m just gonna be brutally honest and say that I don’t care much about the ships of this show.

I’m okay with most of them like. They have their place in the narrative, I guess? So iirc I’m not squicked by any of them?

They’re very tropey, especially the ones among the teenagers, but that trope density with these kinda archetypes n stuff wasn’t that run-of-the-mill common and fucking everywhere to that degree back when the show came out so while I would probably at least be bored if not hella annoyed to get all of that shoved in my face nowadays... it’s fine with me in the context of NGE.

Hmmm what could I say about a specific ship....

Yo, what about Kaoru/Shinji.

Everyone loves Kaoru/Shinji after all.

I think it’s. Okay, I guess.

I mean, it’s cool that it exists, but I don’t really FEEL much about it tbh?

It does get a bit more substance and becomes more interesting i you throw yourself down the rabbit hole of fandom’s timeline speculations and their related essays on that tho, in which all the NGE canons are somewhat linked in a particular order bc Shinji reset everything a couple times in previous Third Impacts XD

In this theory, Kaoru is the only one who remembers all these timelines, which explains why he starts out as a kinda emotionally incompetent bratty douchebag in the manga and only learns a human emotion or two and something resembling compassion through Shinji, which explains why he’s in instant flirty mode when he sees him “again” in the anime(s) and seems to know exactly what Shinji is going through and needs to hear (and how to hurt him by giving/saying it to him before making him kill him XD’) there.

Like, in the context of that connected timelines theory, this pairing is pretty cool and I can really get behind it and could see myself getting emotionally invested if I spent more time on it and/or maybe were a little younger.

But outside of that context, judging it by just one of the canons at a time...

It’s just.

It’s fine. It’s there. It has its place. It makes for pretty fanart sometimes. Eh.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

Hannibal - Ep1 - Reaction

Okay, so this is starting because of @quartermastercandlestickmaker​ and @todorokisrose​ [yes, y’all both gettin’ tagged in the annoouncement and this one. I need to be clear on who is causing my suffering.]

I’m here in this hole now. This dark pit.

This is not a live-blogging of my watch, but I am writing this live. So, writing live posting later. If that makes sense. I’ll have one post per episode and after I’ll compile them all into a master list.

Spoilers ahead.

What a grand opening my dudes. Thrilling music. He’s got that “he fucked up” face going on. WAIT NO HE’S SHERLOCKING THE SHIT. OH COOL. NO WONDER I SAW SOOME FANART OF THEM BEING BFFS. Oh, I like this. Weird effects flex but I dig it.Ooooooooooo I was not expecting that voice. IS THIS WHERE THE “THIS IS MY DESIGN” SHIT CAME FROM WHAT THE FUCK Have I known this more than I thought.

Also low-key bitch *looks* like a psychopath no wonder what is gonna happen happens. Oh rip Mrs. Marlow ;;~;; that was a hard change bro.

I don’t wanna think about ---

BITCH THIS *IS* WHERE THE THIS IS MY DESIGN SHIT CAME FROM OH M Y G O D

Also Laurence Fishbourne god bless I love him.

It’s difficult for me to be social too, fam. LAURANCE WHY DID YOU FIX HIS GLASSES THAT WAS SO WE IR D???? Also bro same I love you, Will Graham, you funky little sociopath.

“Every girl is a candy bar” mhm okay thanks for that. Will and this sociable thing is really fucking me bro minus the serial killer obsession/profession/vibe.

Laurence Fishbourne is an amazing actor but I’m also digging the dude playing Will (srry names are my weakness so his name is Will.)

Oooooo booi. I recognize Katz from fanart she’s a popular one right. But we’re going upstairs.

I’m so worried about opening the door

Oh

Oh

Oh no

He knew

This bitch been knew

Holy shit

I like the whole thing with eye contact. I’ve seen the gif where it’s mentioned but I like how it’s subtle and not overly emphasized so far. Oh we’re flashing back again. Poor Elise. It’s a super interesting story technique using him as the killer. Also damn bitch “you unstable” you’re such a nosy bitch how were you interrupted when you were asked not to enter

Now everyone is here

Antlers promote healing mhm okay

I wanna hug him but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable with contact. IS HE STOPPING FOR A DOG OH ,Y HO GOD. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. I’D DIE FOR THIS MAN. HE STOPPED FOR A DOG. HEWENT BACK FOR THE DOG OMGH THIS MAN THIS MAN IS,,,,, he adopted a fucking stray dog. This man is lovely. I love this man. This -- HE DOES IT TO MULTIPLE DOOGS OH MY GOD I WANNA MARRY HIM ANDHAVE WINSTON AND EVERYBODY AND OMOG HE’S SUCH A LOVELY STRANGE CREATURE.

Where are we now. In a dream state? OH SHIT WE ARE THAT’S A BODY AND A HEARTBEAT IN MY EAR WHAT THE FUCK ahhhh fun nightmares I love it. Oh shit the towels. Bro. There are quite a few visuals happening.

“USE THE LADIES ROOM” dafsjhg

Stop yelling at him ;;~;;

Woah  this is a lot to unpack in this scene you can see Will like slipping omg. It’ss almost unsettling him not having eye contact but like I know the reason for it and therefore it’s just impressive acting and not like unsettling of the actor to do that if that makes sense? I really am impressed by that level of commitment to not have a “look at the camera” to keep showing how he won’t look at other people.

Ooo this is one of the lady psych talkers which is like on the Graham side while the blonde one is for Hannibal, right even tho Hannibal is a brain doc. ALANA that’s her name and that might be how you spell it. She doesn’t want him out there but Laurence needs  her to be his back  up. (Oh, his name is Jack.) JACK DONT MAKE PROMISES WILL CAN AND WILL GET CLOSE.

WHAT THE FUCK  IS THIS SHOW WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE SHADWS AND THE ANTLERS PIERCING HER OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS SHOW I THOUGHT THE VISUALS I HAD SEEN IN FAN ART WAS JUST LIKE FANON  IMPOSED OMOG “SOMETHING WRONG WITH  THE MEAT” O G M OOG HE’S EATING THEM FUCK

Is this

Is this my bitch

MY BITCH MADS OH MY GOD.

I love him. He’s so unconventionally handsome. He looks like he’d kill and eat me but I’d thank him for it, yanno? Oops.

No nonsense MM handing this crying man some tissues I love it. “I hate being this neurotic” omg the mood also Hannibal’s glance to the tissue is fucking amazing??? V Subtle Acting /cries in beauty

Franklyn, the lion isn’t in the room boy (just discovered I might wanna put subtitles on but they’re not working so rip)

Frankie boy got so scared by that comment thanks, Dr. Lector.

Mhm no secretary that’s,,, suspicious,,,, “sad to see her go” mhm okay sure Jan

Oh this bitch does draw oh my god john hopkins internship and all. Laurence is impressed and Mads is “mhm are you gonna try something” sdajkfgh A LAYMAN DAMN aww he’s like “oomg you’re so amazing dr. mr. sir”

OH THEY’RE IN THE SAME ROOM HERE WE GO BBY

FUCKKK IT BEGINS

SORRY HE’S GIVING THE WHOLE DOWNLOW

“Associations come quickly-” “so do forts”

QEFJWahgrsdfdkq WHAT THE FUCK

THIS IS LITERAL THE FIRST DAMN CONVERSATION HE HAS WITH HIM. I KNEW THE CONVERSATION ABOUT EYE CONTACT WAS ONE OF THEIR FIRST, BUT THIS IS THE LITERAL FIRST WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF HE ACTUALLY MAKES E Y E C O N T A C T OOMGGG??!?!?!?!

Oh ;;~;; “YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN I’M PSYCHOANAYLYZED” im this is very flirtatious als jack you’re like br  o

So he’s the King of Empathy. He’s,,, helping Will see his own face,,, mhm,,,,, what does that say about you, Dr. Lector?

He’s mocking where he was apologetic is this maybe noT

FJAGUDIS

SHIT THOSE ARE LUNGS

OH

“HE HAS A DAUGHTER SAME AGE” O H B O  Y THAT’S UH DADDY HAS SOME ISSUES WITH BABY LEAVING HOME

Also this is a copy cat dklafjsghjfd OH DAMN THAT SNAP BACK ABOUT DR. LECTOR FFUCKK MAN.

Also,, I  can see why this show,, caused issues,,, a man should not look handsome while eating fucking lungs.

More visions I cannot even

What does this

What the hell is this

Dr. Lector showing up at his house o h .

IS HE FEEDING HIM FUCKING LUNGS BITCH OH MY GD ON A FIRST DATE???

“God forbid we become friendly”

“I don’t find you that interesting”

This smells,,, like a ship,,, mhm,,,,

Breath will damn breath slow and use the words omg

Mhm ookay “we’re just alike” in the first bit…

Uncle Jack sees him as a fine china tea cup. That’s hilarious.

“How do you see me?” says Will.

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by,” replies Hannibal WHILE WILL IS KEEPING EYE CONTACT.

OH MY GOD. MHM. KAY. IM OKAY. THIS IS OKAY.

So is there a reason -- “plain but pretty” hannibal gives a look -- is there a reason no official officer is accompanying them like????? They’re both not??? FBI????

Damn hannibal spilling shit everywhere.

HE’S USING A TISSUE TO PICK UP THE PHONE

TO CALL HIS DAUGHTER

MHMMMM?????????

Wait no he’s calling someone else

Who is this

OH HE’S CALLING GARRETT. OH. wait is he helping other cannibals get away. What the fuck. You can’t do that, Hannibal. Is there a fuckking cannibal union yall get together and trrade recipes.

OH NO GARRETT MURDERED HIS WIFE AND KID DIDNT HE OH NO

OH PLEASE NO

Wait we’re back to reality

This back and forth is trippy

Oh

H  N

OH  NO

FUCK YU HANNIBAL AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING CANNIBAL CLAN THIS PR WOMAN :(((((((((

I do love how this built up to Hannibal being the cannibal but it was Hobbs. NFIEGSIBFD

HOBBS NO

FUCK HIM UP WILL

(also I guess Will technically is FBI that probably helps lmao)

Oh no

O h n o

Dont whisper at him to see bitch

Oh no

Will

Will it’s

Oh no

>:((((((((((((((((((( hannibal Imma fuck you up

Will honey let someone clean your glasses. Does she survive? I hope the girl survives. The Traitor Cannibal Bitch is going with them. Mhm.

Alana tryin’ to protect him. (Does she like him? I got bad news, babe, he’s gonna fall in love with a man-eater.)

shE SURVIVED??? AND HANNIBAL IS THERE WITH HER???? OMOG??? DOES HE FEEL BAD YET YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU READ THE CANNIBAL WRONG AND HE NEARLY MURDERED HIS FAMILY wait is this chick who everyone calls their daughter oomg??? Is this her????

WHAT WAS THIS SHOW OMG WHAT WAS THIS SHOW

[theverybestpencilsoftuscaloosa]

May I Have You For Dinner?

My second story for OP Bingo 2020, hosted by @op-pirate-fleet. Is it low-quality Hannibal pastiche? No, it’s high-grade Hannibal pastiche. I wrote it in two hours after seeing the first two episodes of Hannibal before I knew Hannibal actually had a castle. Is it funny? At this point, I don’t know. I did work all nine Straw Hats in there, though, which is actually much harder to do than you’d think, especially in a comedic cannibal fic. God, WHY DID I DECIDE TO WRITE CANNIBAL FANFICTION? In three years when I get into fandom drama this is gonna be the one that gets my ass. AO3 link here.

“Excuse me,” said Usopp. “Do you think I could have a sandwich?”

“Pardon me?”

Usopp swallowed. “No, I mean, I’m sure you’re a great cook, but, well, um -- I just have this disease I actually got from a swarm of vicious mosquitoes, and if I have any dish with a red sauce I’ll--”

“You cannot have a sandwich,” snapped the host, Count De Lisces. Usopp quailed, and nodded quickly.

“Right! Right! Of course! I’ll just, uh, enjoy this meal! Yum yum! Yummy!” And he began picking at the vegetables without intent.

Sanji’s frown deepened, and he glared at the count. That was no way to treat a dinner guest. He could sympathize with not wanting to waste food, of course, but he could make an exception if the diner was clearly not going to eat it anyway. And from the way he was tucking in, their host would have no trouble polishing off another serving of -- Sanji looked down -- ...pork. With red sauce.

Sanji shot Usopp a look and mouthed I’ll fix something up when we get back to the ship. Then he cleared his throat, catching their host’s attention. “Count,” he said evenly, “this is a very interesting preparation. What did you say your secret was again?”

The count grinned. “The thing, you see, is to marinate the meat well. After seventy-two hours, you create a flavor so deep, so sublime --”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Count De Lisces blinked. For a second his mouth worked silently before he managed to spit out an “Excuse me?”

“You don’t marinate anything for three days. It’d start falling apart.” Sanji poked the uncarved slice of meat on his plate. “Honestly, do you even know how to cook?

The count’s eyes flicked from his plate to Sanji’s face. “Look,” he began, and stopped. “It’s an old family…” he trailed off. He closed his eyes for a second, collecting himself, and began again. “Why don’t we just -- what on earth are you doing?!”

Nami and Zoro turned, halfway to the ornate liquor cabinet. Zoro held up the empty bottle. “Refill.”

The count reddened. “That-- that was a seventy-nine year old vintage! That wine was an heirloom! And you finished it?”

“Yeah,” Zoro said at the same time as Nami clasped her hands together.

“Your Excellency,” she said in a syrupy-sweet voice, “we were only trying to be good guests. If we don’t sample your wines, how can we compliment you on the range and profile of your good tastes?”

“This is a place of decency,” said the count in a low, dangerous, tolling tone. “For years and years my castle, my island, has been a place of culture. A place of class! Sit down and eat your food and stop ruining the ambience!”

Franky cracked open a bottle of cola on his nose.

“Hey,” he said between gulps of carbonated sugar water, “where’s Robin?” Beside him, Chopper was examining his own untouched meal with forensic care.

“Sanji,” Chopper said, urgency in his voice. “Do you recognize this cut of pork?”

“No,” Sanji growled, “I don’t.” His hand closed around the knife reflexively, and he had to force it to open. He settled for pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting up. Unforgivably bad manners in most fine dining situations? Sure. In these conditions, though, he didn’t particularly care. And he was enjoying the look on Count De Lisces’ face.

“Luffy,” he said after a long pull. “What do you think?” Luffy looked up from his plate. It, too, was untouched. That about did it, Sanji thought. There was no reason Luffy wouldn’t clean his plate unless something was seriously wrong.

“It smells weird,” he said. “And this guy’s weird.”

“Hey!” squawked the count. Luffy turned to him, brow furrowed.

“What did you say your name was again?”

A smile spread across their host’s face like a bloodstain on a fine white tablecloth. He stood slowly, drawing himself up to his full height, savoring the moment like the finest of wines -- one his irritating guests couldn’t sample. “Count De Lisces,” he said slowly. “Count Yannibal De Lisces.” He bit each syllable off, and let them fall into the spreading silence.

“Oh!” Said Brook. “How funny! Your name rhymes with cannibal! Yohohoho-- that’s not really a skull joke, is it?”

“So this guy--” Sanji began.

“Cannibal,” said Usopp, shivering so hard the word came out with three Cs and five Bs.

“This is people?” Said Luffy, pointing at his plate. Chopper nodded. Sanji stood so fast his chair went flying, raising one leg to lash out, but Yannibal’s hand was raised.

“Ah-ah-ah,” he said slowly. “Not so fast, Mister Know-It-All-About-Marinades. You’re forgetting someone, aren’t you?”

Sanji’s breath caught in his chest, and he froze. “Robin.”

“Indeed!” Yannibal cackled. “That lovely dark-haired angel… where is she now, I wonder?”

Franky sat upright, knocking his plate to the ground. His left hand was already unhinged, revealing the wide dark mouth of the gun barrel beneath. He leveled it at Yannibal’s chest. “Where is she?”

“I have no way of knowing,” the count said. “She went wandering off, did she not? My castle is large and dark and full of… secrets. If she has delved too deeply, searched too ardently, she may not like what she has found. And I cannot guarantee no harm has come to her…” Sanji’s weight shifted, and Yannibal turned, clicking his tongue. “Mister Cook! No no no… indeed, her safety is not guaranteed. Indeed, a woman as… refined as her…” Yannibal’s eyes glazed over.

“What class. What taste. She is a cut above the rest of you, certainly. Perhaps I will be having her for dinner soon…” He focused on Sanji again. “Regardless, sir. I cannot guarantee her safety… but if you raise a hand to me, I can guarantee you will never see her again--”

“Excuse me,” said Robin from the doorway. “I’m back.” Sanji turned, hearts in his eyes.

“Dearest, lovely Robin! You’re safe! Oh, darling, thank goodness, I was so worried! You aren’t hurt, are you? Where have you been?”

“Ah,” Robin said. “I was gone some time, wasn’t I? I apologize. I was on my way back from the restroom when a small, strange man with facial deformities tried to knock me unconscious.”

“A-hem.”

Robin looked down. Standing by her hip, a small, strange man with facial deformities was scowling up at her, arms crossed. She smiled.

“My apologies. I meant to say a small, strange man with an interesting and unique face tried to knock me unconscious.” The small, strange man with the interesting and unique face smiled. It was a very interesting and unique smile.

“Is he… cool?” Franky said after a long moment of awkward silence.

“Oh, certainly,” said Robin.

“Cool,” said Franky. “We were figuring out if this guy’s a cannibal or not.”

“Oh, he’s definitely a cannibal,” said Robin. “He told me all about it.” She gestured to the small, strange man, who nodded vigorously. She smiled, and looked up at the Count De Lisces. “Your castle has a fascinating history, count. I was hoping to learn a little more about it from you. Such a shame it turned out to be written in blood.”

Sanji was a little more economical with his words: “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you, you no-good excuse for a cook!”

The count laughed, and stepped back. In the glow of the fire, his silhouette seemed to stretch, to warp, to grow. “Oh, you poor souls…” There was an edge to his voice, a hard, rough undertone that hadn’t been there before. “You think this story ends with you defeating the monster, emerging victorious?” The small, strange man shrank behind Robin.

“No… no, I’m afraid not. Tell me, did you know that of all the animals of the world, only one hunts man for sport… besides man, that is?” The count was definitely growing now, his shadow blocking out the roaring fire. “On a certain island in the South Blue, villagers began disappearing without a trace. They suspected slavers, pirates, but do you know what the true culprit was?”A growl ripped through the air.

“It was the hunter of the forest! The only true equal to man in his viciousness! The shadow of the night! And I have made its power my own!” Count Yannibal De Lisces stood in the firelight. Orange and black flickered over his skin, but the stripes ran deeper than the light of the fire. They were laid into his skin, and beneath them bulged rippling muscle packed onto a frame that dwarfed even Brook. “Witness the strength of the true apex predator, the top of the food chain! Cat-Cat Fruit, Model: Tiger! I will feast on your--”

“Yeah, okay,” said Sanji, and kicked him in the face. Count De Lisces went over backwards yowling.

“Now listen to me, Count,” said Sanji, stepping forward. “In my opinion, you’re a shitty host leaving the human meat aside. But cannibalism? Serving human flesh to your unsuspecting guests?” On either side of him, Luffy and Chopper stepped up, fists clenched. “Do you have any idea how --”

“--unethical--”

“--gross--”

“--unprofessional that is?”

The count leapt, but Sanji’s leg moved faster, sending the tiger-count crashing into the finely decorated wall. In the light of the fire, the ember of his cigarette burning, he looked positively demonic. He leaned down, the sound of Luffy’s knuckles cracking echoing behind him.

“Consider this a lesson in cookery.”

As the chaos started at the far end of the dining table, Robin walked over to Nami and Zoro, who were surrounded by empty bottles -- apparently, far fewer than Zoro was hoping for.

“This one?” He said, exasperated. Nami shook her head. “No! Don’t open anything more than seventy-five years old!”

“Yeah, it’s eighty-three years old, from a vineyard that hasn’t been shit for two centuries! No one’ll give you more than fifty, fifty-five thousand berries for it! You have pants that cost more than that!”

“My pants are none of your -- wait, how do you know what a good vintage is?”

“Which one of us spends more time in liquor stores?”

Robin snuck a bottle away from the squabbling pair and sat down next to Franky. She  popped the cork, offered him a swig, and when he declined took a few deep gulps for herself. Brook helped her finish off the bottle, and along with a queasy-looking Usopp, the four sat in companionable silence and watched. Dinner had been ruined, but at least the show was nice.

Some time later, Sanji stepped back, panting. He took a long draw of his cigarette, and ashed it over the feebly moaning count. Luffy and Chopper, who had worn themselves out a bit earlier, watched from the table. Sanji straightened his tie.

“When preparing tiger--” He stopped. “Wait, no, fuck this, no one cooks tiger! And no one cooks people! No food-related metaphors for you, shithead!” And with a final kick, he turned away.

“So, uh, what are we going to do about this?” Usopp said. Everyone else looked at him. He looked back defensively. “I mean, I don’t think the marines are going to take him! What, are we going to kill him?”

“Well…” Sanj said slowly.

Robin cleared her throat. The Straw Hats turned to look. Behind her stood the small, strange man. Behind him stood another few dozen small, strange people.

“The count’s servants,” she said. “Apparently, they have some, ah, grievances. I’m sure they’d appreciate being left alone to… renegotiate the terms of their employment.” Sanji rubbed his chin. He walked over to the small, strange man and bent down.

“Look me in the eye,” he said. “No, both eyes. Oh, you-- your-- oh. Oh gosh. Okay, that’s fine. One eye is fine. Look,” he said, pushing past the pitfall, “this is important. Are you going to eat him?”

The small, strange man screwed up his face in disgust. Sanji looked him in the eye a second longer, then stood.

“Well, if you guys are okay with it…”

The Straw Hats left the castle of the Count of De Lisces behind, stumbling in the darkness (and, for some of them, drunkenness). They left with empty stomachs and arms full of old and expensive wines. When at last they arrived at the Sunny, Sanji went to the kitchen. Usopp was already swearing up and down that he’d never eat again, and he was pretty sure Zoro had drunk two or three dinners, but everyone else would need the calories. And Usopp would probably be hungry in an hour. He had an excellent cut in the fridge; he could fry it up and --

Sanji opened the walk-in and saw the meat he was thinking of. It was a prize-winning slab of pork shoulder. Sanji thought about it for a long time. Come on, he said to himself. You watched the butcher cut it off the pig yourself. It’s fine. Are you really going to let that stupid count go to your head?

Sanji threw it over the side anyway, although he felt a pang of guilt as ten pounds of pork vanished below the waves. Tonight, at least, he thought to himself, he would stick with fish.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x02 When you Call My Name

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Who is the fucker dragging Waverly away?! And the first thing that Wynonna says, even before she fully regains consciousness, is “Waverly.” I love these two sisters, I love that their relationship is the backbone of this show. Also, WTF.

How the fuck did she get there?

2) And I fucking love Wynonna Earp…

3) Is she… hallucinating her mother? I was wondering why, out of everyone else in her life, she would be fantasizing about her mother, but I didn’t have to wait long to find out. First of all, her ghost-mom reminds her of the survival rules she’d taught her when she was little. But most importantly, she reminds her that no matter how much pain she’s in right now, the pain of losing Waverly will be much worse. And that’s exactly what Wynonna needs to find in her the strength to survive.

4) Is the dude who kidnapped Waverly some time of supernatural weirdo or is he just your run-of-the-mill weird loner guy who lives in the woods and slowly goes batshit crazy? I’m still not sure…

5) Wynonna can’t leave Peacemaker there, can’t she? Why isn’t it like Thor’s hammer? Can’t she just like magically pull it back to her? Anyway, this badass motherfucker is going to climb the fucking rocks wearing a dress and heels. How is not the entire world in love with Wynonna Earp?

6) Oh, he’s not just a weirdo, he’s also a supernatural impersonator. He fucking stole Waverly’s voice and answered the phone pretending to be her. And now Waverly can’t scream for help, that’s just dandy.

7) “You ever seen me move when I’m pissed? I’m a frigging snow cheetah!” How is everything that comes out of her mouth so iconic?

8) So far, Ghost Mom seems to be doing a good job of helping Wynonna keep her head on your shoulders and not act impulsively, which could end up with both her and Waverly dead. She’s following her mom’s survival rules, and it seems to be working, and there’s this little moment when both of them push their hair behind their ears in perfect synchrony…

And I don’t know what I’m to make out of this? Does this mean that Ghost Mom is only a reflection of Wynonna herself? I mean, obviously, she is, it’s a figment of Wynonna’s imagination and it’s what Wynonna believes her mom would do and say in such a situation. But… are we meant to infer that there’s a stronger connection between the two of them than we were led to believe during the course of two seasons? Ghost Mom also called her a “Gibson girl” – her mom’s last name – and also mentioned how Wynonna got her snark from her. Wynonna even jokes that she got the crazy from her. It feels the writers are setting up this relationship as one of the arcs of this season. I guess it makes sense, after Wynonna became a mother herself. But I still don’t know what to make of Ghost Mom or Real Mom, for that matter.

9) Jeremy, Nicole, and Dolls have no idea what’s going on with Wynonna and Waverly, of course, and they’ve figured out that the demon responsible for the massacres is like a Flash demon that got to all their victims within seconds of one another. Also, the massacres may continue. Cool. Cool cool cool.

10) Jeremy is the biggest sweetheart in this show and he’s the biggest fan of literally everyone. I felt so bad for him when Dolls told him to get a life or something and stop bothering him, and did Jeremy get butthurt? No, he told Dolls he’s fighting for him, and my heart swelled a little. He’s the best. He was such a great addition to the gang. At least Dolls had the decency to indulge Jeremy with his pop culture references before leaving, and it was a nice way to say he was sorry and that he appreciates everything that Jeremy does.

11) OMFG, Wynonna was a Hanson fan, just like I was!

12) Not liking Ghost Mom right now…

WYNONNA: Why me, though? You never brought Willa or Waverly, it was always just you and me... GHOST MOM: Willa was Ward's right from the get-go, and Waverly... She was everyone else's, but you... Ooh, you... You came into this world wailing and kicking just like I was so I wanted to make sure you could survive by yourself. But you know what? Being an heir, it has made you soft. WYNONNA: What's that supposed to mean? GHOST MOM: It means... You're leaning on your team of outlaws and misfits. WYNONNA: They're my people and I trust them. GHOST MOM: Yeah, well where the hell are they? It's been hours. WYNONNA: I don't know. GHOST MOM: Yeah. The moment that you rely on someone... to protect you, be there for you... you're dead.

Is this Wynonna’s own fear, that her relying so much on her friends is making her soft and weak and vulnerable? Because I feel that her relationships with everyone else have made her stronger. I hate the idea that a hero can’t be vulnerable, you know? It’s like what Buffy says, “my emotions give me power.” If you don’t have bonds and love in your life, is there really a reason to fight at all?

13) “We are the same, Wynonna, and that is what scares you, how similar we are.” Alright, yeah, definitely Wynonna’s own fears manifesting themselves via Ghost Mom. I mean, obviously, she’d conjure up her mom at this moment! Waverly is in danger, and she fears she’s going to fail her just like their mom did…

14) Wow, Doc is having an existential crisis after being shot by Dolls and going to hell in the alternate reality. He’s afraid that being good and doing the right thing is pointless if he’ll end up in hell with all the other demons anyway. But… I mean, he went to hell in that other reality where he had embraced his dark side, you know? How does he know that he’s destined for the same here and now? I wouldn’t think so. And damn, Dolls has some truth bomb…

DOC: We are murderers, you and I. Destined for the dark. DOLLS: We're not the same. Because I don't need a threat of damnation to fight for the right side.

 (EDIT: how did I not realize this was foreshadowing Dolls’s death?! And these words will probably haunt Doc... this was basically their last conversation...)

15) Nicole found the truck!

16) Hannibal the Impersonator is using Waverly’s voice to lure other people into the cabin…

Is he a revenant, though? He seems to be, but what about his weird stealing-voices power? Do revenants get special powers? I mean, Bobo did, but I thought he was an exception…

17) Jeremy is also so emotionally healthy? Like, he immediately called Doc out on assuming the worst of people and basically told him to get over obsessing over losing his immortality. But… why didn’t he call Dolls like Doc told him to? Is he also assuming the worst…? Does he not trust Dolls?

18) Oh, my god, Waverly and Wynonna’s entire “charades” conversation was fucking priceless!

19) I laughed and I also awww-ed.

DOC: You trust Wynonna's instincts? NICOLE: I helped her kill the revenant she had sex with! DOC: Let me rephrase. Do you trust her instincts about Waverly?

20) Are Waverly and Wynonna really having the you-didn’t-tell-me-about-mom talk right now, in this life or death situation? Of course they are.

21) I DIED!

Wynonna doesn’t have Peacemaker, so how is she going to fight the revenant? It should be interesting to see her fight without her special power…

22) So Jeremy also assumed the worst about Dolls. Interesting.

23) Like Buffy said, when scary things are scared, that’s bad news. The revenant almost shit his pants when Waverly mentioned Bulshar. Wynonna used her wits and booby-trapped him, so good on her. But look who’s stalking…

Does he have nazis with him or something?

24) So… Waverly didn’t take it too well. And I get it, it feels like she’s been made a fool by everyone she's ever trusted. She doesn’t even know who her real parents are…

25) Nicole is going to climb down the rocks and get Peacemaker back like a boss.

26) Uh-oh… I guess Jeremy was right…

Why is he saying that Wynonna is going to need Waverly more than ever?

27) WTF!!!

Fucking ghost terminator nazis!

28) Nicole is literally hanging from a wire and trying to get Peacemaker back! And I think Dolls is going to wolf out and get rid of the fucking nazi but will probably lose his soul in the process? I didn’t think the chilliest part of the episode would be a fucking voice-stealing cannibal revenant…

29) Nicole is asking Wynonna to let go of the wire…  what the fuck is this episode doing to me?

30) Why did he smile before doing this…?

Was he saying goodbye? Was that why he said that Wynonna was going to need Waverly more than ever?

31) He’s dead, and Nicole is trying to resuscitate him, and Wynonna and Doc are losing their shit… I wasn’t expecting this in episode two…

She doesn’t want to leave his side. Damn.

32) Wow. This is heavier stuff than I’d expected at the beginning of the season, especially after the heartbreak of giving birth to Alice only to lose her in the season finale. I feel like this episode is a game-changer, obviously because of Dolls’ death, who is going to take up his role? I mean, Nicole had become sort of his disciple, but no one can really fill his shoes, can they? There’s also the heavy emphasis on Wynonna’s relationship with her mother, which I think will definitely be one of this season’s arcs. And there’s the dooming presence of Bulshar, who still needs to introduce himself in a more memorable way.

I don’t know what to make of Dolls’ death, though. Personally, I wasn’t so attached to his character as to feel devastated, though I was truly shocked and if Wynonna cries, then I cry. There’s also this nagging feeling that no one can be really dead in supernatural shows unless TPBT wish it so, you know? There’s always a small chance he might return, in different forms – either through flashbacks or because he might actually be brought back from the dead.

Anyway, I’m super excited to see where this season takes us!

33) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[peremadeleine]

The Empathetic Dog Thief, Episode 1

Alternative titles: “Will: Deer Hunter and Dog Dad,” “Crimes Against Costuming,” “What Year Is It: A Crime Drama”

Armed with a gin & tonic and one sleepy cat, I finally gave the NBC show another shot.

I didn’t know Will had a superpower. Cool...?

How come he’s play-acting the murderer, though? Just because he can think like a killer doesn’t mean he needs to be reenacting it himself. That’s just confusing for the audience?? The way they did it in the Red Dragon movie was still effective without coming off as “aw, Will’s playing serial killer”

“This is my design” what

Plaid shirt and striped tie, truly a costuming sin. I didn’t love Will’s “modern wild west” costume vibes in Red Dragon, but it was better than this.

Don’t pretend that Jack and Will don’t know each other. Hate that.

Do look forward to hearing how many different ways people can pronounce “Graham” though.

Oh boy, why does Crawford push Will’s glasses up on his face while murmuring “hey” softly like a lover?? They’re strangers. That was mighty uncomfortable.

is he just assuming Will is on the spectrum? Right after they met???

and then Will confirms, but wait, he just has an “active imagination”?

STAY IN YOUR LANE

at least in canon Crawford doesn’t take advantage of people on the gd spectrum, and he spins it as being for the good of the victims. jfc.

“based on the characters by Thomas Harris”

Of course all the victims in the first episode are going to be women

“it’s not about all of these girls, it’s about one of them”--seven minutes in and they’re already ripping off Silence.

“he’s like Willy Wonka. every girl he takes is a candy bar.” no. nO.

“I mean, I would. Wouldn’t you?” no Will, Crawford’s a douchebag, not a murderous psychopath.

8 minutes in, me: WHERE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER THIS IS B O R I N G

“Why is it now a crime scene?” Because Will says so and he’s his own forensic team, apparently. Next question.

Also apparently he only owns red plaid-print shirts. Huh.

Lol Will has empathy for everyone but a grieving father confronted with his daughter’s dead body???

I don’t like the way Crawford is speaking to Will one bit. It’s supposed to be sensitive, but it comes off as condescending and mollycoddling. Ew. That is SO not Jack Crawford.

"You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity"?!?

so Will IS his own forensic team. Weird flex, but okay.

Antler velvet. Christ, HERE WE GO.

“You not real FBI?” Rip-off of Silence #2!

“You unstable?” Stop coming at Will, Jesus!

Will is a serial dognapper. SIX DOGS. Maybe, maybe, people in this neighborhood are missing their gd dogs, you monster.

none of them are even UGLY dogs

Will’s also drinking tho. One point for Gryffindor.

Oh, another plaid shirt. At least this one’s got a nice pattern. And isn’t red.

The bathroom is painted red, tho. What is it with Fuller and red walls?

Hugh Dancy’s American accent slips when he tries to like...emote. Yikes.

Strangulation is neither quick nor merciful.

A forensic specialist who wears her long-ass dark hair loose down her back and shoulders in the lab should be FIRED.

Implied “we covet what we see every day” scene: Silence Rip-Off #3

nineteen minutes in, me: W H E R E  I S  H A N N I B A L this is false marketing

Okay, I actually kind of like the “okay, I can cover him 80%” scene. Crawford’s real good at fucking up people’s lives in order to save lives.

twenty-one minutes in, me: HANNIBAL’S HERE THANK CHRIST

will probably regret this thought later

it’s okay, Hans. I, too, hate the career choices that have led me to this point.

the fact that he has tissues by HIS chair in his office is fuckin’ hilarious, what a douche, I love him

same, tho

The costumes and sets and cars are all screaming 70s/80s. But smartphones!

I’m watching this pretty late so my volume is a bit low and I cannot understand 70% of Hannibal’s dialogue, uh oh

Hannibal is supposed to be short so I don’t think this little “oh Crawford confused the short weepy patient with Hannibal” bit is that cute...I’ve always felt like Mads was poorly cast for that reason, among others. Oh well.

I take it all back:

HIS FACE

“No secretary?” “She was predisposed to romantic whims.” Not sure whether I like this line because Hannibal’s the one acting on whimsy or if it makes me cringe because of the way they’re dismissing Hannibal’s former secretary. Hmm.

“Are these yours, doctor?” a) Duh and b) Silence Rip-Off #4

Why the fuck does Crawford think he can just examine Hannibal’s papers? Like?????????

no wonder he hates your rude ass, Jack

HANNIBAL WHY IS WOUND MAN LYING ON YOUR DESK YOU PRECIOUS IDIOT

“Very interesting, even for a layman” Wow, unexpected Red Dragon rip-off (by the Red Dragon adaptation) #1

this whole scene is made of cringe HELP

why is Hannibal dressed in his Easter Sunday suit

Tattlecrimes.com. I’M SPEECHLESS at the stupidity of that.

tabloids are, in fact, still a thing in the Year of Our Lord 2013

No way is Hannibal fucking Lecter going to drink the swill that probably is Jack Crawford’s coffee, as if.

“Not fond of eye contact, are you?” Yes, Hannibal is the only character who should be canonically coming at anyone like this. (But also poor Will.)

But Will, at least look in his direction while he’s talking to you? I also don’t love eye contact...it’s rude not to even look at a person, though.

Hannibal finally used a contraction! He’s human after all. (This is a common Fanfic-Writing-of-Hannibal problem. I used to have it, too. You think to emulate him you have to write lofty, staid dialogue. But we’re talking about Hannibal the Punmaster General here.)

“This cannibal you have him getting to know” I’m sorry, who said anything about cannibals???

Stop incriminating yourself Hannibal honestly

Wait, is the implication that the victim whose lungs were taken is Hannibal’s? I hope not, because what would he be doing in Minnesota, and since when did Hannibal cut people up alive (Krendler notwithstanding--he’s a special case), especially women????? He’s a Monster(TM), but not a fucking sadist.

Will’s wardrobe also contains gingham!

no really, when did they determine that the serial killer was a cannibal?? did I sleep through that part?

“have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile” bitch, please. Dr. Lecter doesn’t work for Crawford.

I don’t like hearing/watching people eat, especially in quiet moments. That’s going to become a problem in this show, isn’t it?

Will’s dream dear is fucking awful CGI. Wow.

That brown blazer--Hannibal would never.

EVERYTHING about Hannibal that should be black--his clothes and his hair--is brown here. It’s...weird.

to quote @random-emerald-thoughts​, “my homocidal boy aint about that tawny bullshit”

Hannibal Lecter: food snob--that’s canon. 

Don’t like this dialogue, though. And Hannibal bringing anyone he just met food in glorified Tupperware rings very false.

“Uncle Jack” what the fuck

Wow, Fuller jumped directly into the teacup thing right from the start. Yikes. He clearly didn’t understand it. (Clarice isn’t the teacup, bro. The teacup represents time, and disorder, and will it ever be reversed?)

Lots of weird metaphors in this episode overall, though none as bad as the Willy Wonka thing.

Why is Hannibal in Minnesota? Is he a crime-scene investigator now? Is he on the FBI payroll? Doesn’t he have patients with appointments to keep? Social obligations? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

He’s not a priss or a germaphobe. DISLIKE.

Do like the phone call. Just fuckin’ carelessly with people’s lives for the fun of it, that’s our Hannibal.

FBI? Are you FBI, Will?

He shouldn’t have been issued that sidearm if he can’t hold it steady.

One shot would have been plenty. Maybe two. Jfc, the reason Clarice shot Gumb so many times was because he was going to shoot her. Hobbs had a knife, which he dropped, and he was incapacitated by the first/second shot. Silence Rip-Off #5

How the fuck is he still alive and talking?! Will plugged him about eight times!

Call the police, Hannibal, or the ambulance, or take off your jacket and provide first aid to this girl. You’re a doctor!

It really is like he wants to be arrested or something.

And then he gets to ride in the ambulance?? Just Because?

Overall, it was...not very good, imo, poorly paced, very poorly written, with acting that jumped wildly from “very good” to “awful,” sometimes from the same actors. Intense cringe throughout a lot of the script. Ripped off Silence of the Lambs, a superior movie about many of the same characters, way too many times. Will is boring and I don’t care about him, but then I also don’t care about canon Will. And I still think Mads Mikkelsen was poorly cast as Hannibal...the costumes aren’t doing him any favors, either. We’ll see if he can bring me around.

Some moments of genuine humor that I appreciated, though, and some nods to the canon that I grudgingly appreciated, too, including Hannibal being a dick and Jack Crawford fucking up people’s lives.

Hopefully if you made it this far into my observations you got a kick out of them. I probably won’t go into this much detail for every episode, but I do intend to try to watch at least all of Season 1.

Painful as it might be.

[xxgothchatonxx]

Let’s keep this goinggggg! I wanna see how that team up turns out!* (*it did not)

Aperitivo:

* Judging by the previously on, this will be a Alana centric episode.

* Fredick OH GOD! DID THEY HAVE TO BE SO INVASIVE?

* I will admit, he seems to have recovered well after all of the shit that season two has thrown at him. Happy to see him.

* Mr. NBC Joker on the other hand, not at all. Choke.

* Fredick just looks cool! NBC Joker looks malleable. His voice makes me laugh though, which I appreciate because it makes me want to take him even less seriously than I already do.

* Somewhat disappointed that Fredick is mostly left in the dark. But it makes sense just composition wise in and of itself to have him be on the right side of the screen. Be weird for him to start on the left, for some reason. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. It just makes sense in my head.

* Why is this episode so invasive? Very much yucky. I don’t like.

* Holy shit. He was kept at the Vergers.

* I saw Gina Torres’ name!!! YES!

* I like that the conversation lines up with Abigail and Chilton because of course. Surgical, leaving them both to die, one is just far more important than the other.

* “There’s no opportunity here, Frederick. Not for you.” OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNN

* And when are we now? Lamb! Of course.

* Not Jack! And welding?

* Of course, the recruitment.

* William is so fucking in love.

* A lot of time? Sexy sexy suits time?

* Oh baby, you do not look good. Why does Chilton keep going around to everyone with little flowers? I get it, he wants to pry and shit about Hannibal, I just think that the spaces and situations are weird.

* “Shame not to have the good seats, if only to support poor Will.” Alana is eating that shit up. Very sexy of her.

* And now the scary whispers of the past. And your ex!

* They’re so obsessed with each other, I love it. I’m not even gonna clarify the they in this situation, because it’s pretty interchangeable lol

* Sexy sexy! She looks so fucking good. And Margot! Rise, bisexuals, rise!

* She has a sexy cane.

* NBC Joker is getting religious and I do not like it.

* Alana Bloom on the other hand…

* And now we’re with Jack! I never realized how literally everyone just came together in that finale.

* Bella, my beloved.

* I love them so much. I’ve also just missed Bella and Jack so much as a couple. Because they’re just so great!

* Fredick. Hilarious bastard. He patented “Hannibal the Cannibal“ seconds after he was shot.

* With all due respect Laurence Fishburne, you have not let anyone go. Stop lying to yourself.

* Fuck this fucking show. Why can’t anyone be happy?

* His vision is made to seem like a wedding😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

* Jesus mother fucking Christ. Did Hannibal goddamn elector send a note with flowers to his wife’s funeral????

* This nurse seems so familiar. I can’t place him, but I’ve definitely seen him from some thing.

* Oh yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.

* Conversely, Alana is yummy.

* How long last! Smack at the end, Mr. William Graham!!! In his cozy little sweater going back to find his boyfriend.

So, fun little fact - that's not the same actor playing NBC Joker. In season 2, it was Michael Pitt but in season 3 it was Joe Anderson because... ok there's a few stories going around, but for whatever reason, Michael didn't come back. So, luckily with the makeup, it was easy to just throw in someone else who somewhat fit the description.

Fredick has now become Hannibal's version of Two-Face and I fucking love the makeup used on him.

This is the beginning of Alana's girlboss-ification and we love to see it. "This could be your entrance..." Oh my GOD, MARGOT!

That final scene with Bella was so beautiful and heartbreaking and, yeah that note was just... *slaps Hanni on the cheek* it's what Bella would've wanted.

Okay, so that's all of the "right let's see what happened to the gang after That Shit Happened in the season 2 finale" and now we can go full-steam ahead with the "let's adapt the Florence and Mason Verger parts of the novel Hannibal but only those parts because FUCK YOU, MGM, YOU COULD HAVE ALSO GIVEN BRYAN THE RIGHTS TO USE CLARICE STARLING BUT NOOOO YOU HAD TO BE STUPID AND- ok, I'm done now" story :D

[fipindustries]

THERE IS A CRACK IN THE WORLD: afterthought.

           So there we go, my first, full novel, entirely written in English. I did it.

There is a crack in the world originated from three or four very basic seeds, eventually many others were incorporated, so many so granular that I wouldn’t be able to keep track of them all, but the basic ideas and characters have easy to track roots.

           The three sisters were the first thing I came up with, way, way back in 2012/2013 and from the sisters the first one I came up with was Telescopica. Yes, that’s right, Telescopica was the first character from this story I invented and she was based on the design of the main character from the tv show Fringe, if you want to know how she would look IRL, she is basically a hardcore version of Anna Torv. Later came Harmonica and she was based on Martha Wayne in the short batman story made for the flashpoint event where Martha was the joker. The common thread between both of them (and what ultimately decided they would be together in the same story) was the fact that they both were female characters I didn’t often see back then and that I thus wanted to tackle. One, the stoic professional hero, the badass, not in the rough and tough Michelle Rodriguez kind of way, but more of the slick professional John Wick kind, I basically wanted to write r63!agent-47. The other was female joker, which is a far different beast than Harley Quinn, I didn’t want the cutesy, quirky, lol I’m so evil that can be redeemed by the right dick, or worse, misconstrued as an anti-hero. I wanted a truly detestable and threatening maniac, I wanted someone off-putting, someone people could truly hate. I’m not entirely sure I succeeded in this last regard.

          I had these designs and ideas for characters yet nothing concrete at the time, but then I read one book: the gunslinger, the first book in the dark tower saga, and boom. I had my idea for a premise. One chases the other on a dystopian world, simple, effective powerful. They are batman and the joker, they are Javert and Valjean, they are Tom and Jerry, but more than all of that, they were sisters. I think this vision I had of them (and of the world they inhabited) really solidified itself when I saw for the first time the trailer for Bioshock infinite, the one with the “Beast” song from Nico Vega. The thing about that song is that it came in two versions, an acoustic one and an electric one, and the relation between both versions reflects pretty well the relation between both sisters. One is calm and introspective, the other is chaotic and loud, yet they are both the same degree of fucked up. They are about the beast of America and how we are not going down like this. Give them a listen and pretend they are both sung by their respective characters.

           But that was not enough; I had a layout for the basic premise, right? One chases the other in a dystopian world, but what happens during the chase? Why is one chasing the other? How did the chase start, and more importantly, how will it end? I didn’t have answers for this, all I had was a shitty, unfinished comic (that would later be cannibalized and turned into chapter one of this story) that I couldn’t finish because back then I hadn’t figured out yet what kind of paper to use for proper inking. Hell, I didn’t even have names for them! And then, as always, math was the answer.

           I was doing Calculus II in college (and failing at it pretty hard) and we were studying numerical series, about their formulas and about how to tell when they diverged and when they converged. And so I came across a few really cool words: the telescopic series, the harmonic series and the geometric series. OBVIOUSLY I had to use them as names. But see, these are three words, and I only had two characters, so the next logical step was to come up with a third one. And this character was going to be even cooler than the other two because this one was going to be the mysterious one, this was going to be the white ranger, as it where, this was going to be Jacob from LOST, this was going to be that one character that was constantly going to be alluded to but always kept in the shadows until the very end, and once revealed the character was going to remain aloof and strange. And her name was going to be Geometrica, the oldest sister.

          Originally Geometrica was supposed to be “good”, in as much as she wasn’t going to be a psychopathic manipulator. She was supposed to be the Zen one, not evil like Harmonica, nor as obsessed as Telescopica. She was the middle ground. The calm one, the one who was supposed to be above it all. But then I started watching Hannibal.

           Now my big problem with Hannibal is that season two, and SPECIALLY any scene with Gillian Anderson, is a fucking slog, they are slow and dull and boring, so much so that whenever her scenes came I would have to create my own gore since the show wasn’t giving me none at the time and so I drew, because of course. This is a thing I’m not sure if other artist do, that is drawing while watching tv because what is on the screen is just so goddamn boring (I would do this as well with doctor who, daredevil and true detective) but the thing is that while watching Hannibal I would draw, and particularly I drew Geometrica. First she was cutting her own arm, and then using it to beat someone to death. Once I finished this particular drawing I asked myself who could she be beating and the answer came instantly: Harmonica, because obviously the most Zen character in reality turned out to be the most fucked up one! That’s just a no brainer. And then my imagination fired up and chapter 17 was created. And that was when I knew for sure that someday, somehow, I would have to write the whole story.

           To this day, chapter 17, and particularly it’s final scene, is my favourite thing I have ever came up with, as a scene, as a concept, as a story beat and a reveal and the only reason I made it this far was because of how desperate I was to make that scene real. I came up with it in 2014 and three years later here we are, the dream came true.

           Now this is all fine and good, but none of this is what actually made me sit down and put the actual words on the paper, I had chapter one and chapter seventeen, but what about everything that was supposed to happen in the middle? All of this was simmering in my head but it wasn’t actually boiling. The steam pressure, as it were, was not moving any locomotives as of yet. And I could tell you a thousand more stories about how The Foremost was originally supposed to be a female version of the nazi guy in inglorious bastards, or how his and Karachay’s current design came from the character Shades in Luke Cage, or about how once I came up with the names Chernobyl, Karachay and Tzar I realized they were a perfect reflection of Harmonica, Telescopica and Geometrica and thus they had to exist in the same universe, or how I’m not sure where the character of the emperor came from but I’m convinced Warhammer 40K and Twig had something to do with it. I could tell you all this and more but instead I’m going to tell you about the story that finally made me take stock of my life, of my choices, and decide it was time, that the ideas had been stewing in my head for long enough and it was time for execution. Weirdly enough, the story that did that was The Northern Caves. Even more weird was that it was the second read of the northern caves what did it.

           I’ll say it right here, There is a crack in the world was me reacting to the psychological horror that TNC, and indeed many other stories like it such as cordyceps or the hell sections in Unsong, caused in me. A horror intensified by the mental problems I had been dealing with during most of 2016. But the thing was that ever since I moved to a new city and started looking for a job most of that horror had been replaced with much more grounded concerns. Instead of having the shakes because of existential, metaphysical uncertainty, I was getting the shakes due to economic and housing struggles. I realized that normal, everyday problems were the perfect antidote to counteract existentialism, and so those were the problems I decided to plague my story with. Lack of food, poor shelter, contaminated water, rampant crime, earthly, lower class concerns, those are the horrors within There is a crack in the world, as opposed to a children’s book writer making some book that apparently made people go insane. And then I decided not to stop there, another common thread in many of these stories was that there would be this mystery to the world, this unfathomable puzzle, filled with complicated plots, intricate lore and abstruse complexities which were begging for a plucky protagonist to be smart enough to solve it all. So I decided to make the lore in my story absurdly simple and yet completely impossible to solve no matter how clever or intelligent or rational you were: There is a crack in the world. That’s it, nothing can be done about it.

And then came the final touch, the characters. The final thing that I saw in a lot of what for lack of a better word I’m going to call “rational fiction”, an umbrella term under which I liberally group works such as HPMOR, Worm, After the hero, Unsong, The northern caves, etc was that in every instance the protagonist would be some form of bleeding heart. Someone who would be painfully hyperaware of the pain and suffering that happened all around the world and would desperately try to find the way to fix it all, to understand it, to make sense of it all. So my story would have none of that. I made Telescopica and Chernobyl to be as indifferent and callous as I could and as the story advances they slowly start to consider that maybe they can do something to help, that maybe they can try and make the world a better place, and then I prove how incredibly foolish they were for ever thinking that.

Not gonna lie, the story is filled with self indulgent bitterness and misery, and a lot of it is me getting carried away and probably venting some of the negative emotions I had accumulated all throughout 2016. If I want to be uncharitable with myself I would say that some of that bitterness came from me reading those stories I just mentioned and feeling inadequate knowing that I would never be smart enough to write anything like it (I’m a deeply insecure person, in case you haven’t noticed). But also, for whatever reason, halfway through the story I decided “fuck it, I’m just going to write some misery porn”, I started challenging myself to see how horrid I could go, what horrors I could concoct if I well and truly tried. Yet the thing is that I feel I never really went all out on it. I like to think that, as dreadful as the story could get at times, it was never truly absurd, never profane, I could be wrong though. There is an essay talking about this in way better detail than I ever could so just go read it.

           I published there is a crack in the world as I wrote it, which means I challenged myself not to go back and edit something in the previous chapter for the sake of convenience or to establish something I might need for later chapters. I forced my self to compromise and work only with what I had previously established in the story. This fostered an interesting practice where I would start to throw foreshadowing and small meaningless data all over the place which could be easily ignored or forgotten but that I could also go back to and expand into something more on the long run if I needed to pull something out of thin air for the plot. That is the way characters like Hector or Maurice or things like commando living on an abandoned military base ended up becoming a thing in the story, grown from just throwaway characters and trivia that I thought nothing of when I first put them in the page. The biggest example would be the kosmonavt, I had no idea what I was going to do with him by the end of the story but I knew an astronaut was a useful thing to have so I put him there in his own chapter, just in case.

           Another consequence of this was that, as the story progressed and I got a better grasp of the world, of the actual real consequences of having a crack in the world, of the actual sociopolitical organization the empire would have I realized I fucked up. A lot of the lore doesn’t really add up, there are details which are poorly thought out or scientifically incorrect. And if I decided to start introducing all of that it wouldn’t just interfere with what had been previously established in the chapters that I had already published but it would also interfere with where I wanted the story to go, with what I wanted to do with the characters and with my dear, precious chapter 17. All of this meant I had to foregone a lot of neat realism and worldbuilding that could have made it into the story if I had taken some time to think things through before starting putting chapters online, but the thing is that if I hadn’t put those chapters online then chances are I would have never been  motivated to write the rest of the story. Hopefully I’ll allow myself to develop whatever new story I come up with next in more organic ways, not being afraid to kill my darlings in order to let it grow naturally. We’ll see.

           Final thoughts: I’m actually really proud of this story, whatever its origins or the emotional fuel was behind it, whatever gross scientific mistakes I made in there, whatever edits I would like to perform to make it a stronger, more coherent whole, I truly believe is the best story I have written thus far and that is achievement enough for me, I know people had been reading it and even enjoying it according to AO3, not sure how many but more than zero is enough, I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope you have thoughts and comments about it that you might want to share with me.

           Whatever the case might be, it’s been three months and a little more that I worked on this and it’s been a great learning experience. See you in my next work.