#it’s the same 50 shades of grey mentality type stuff

[quietplaceinthestars]

I wish people who write lotr fanfic didn’t inevitably end up writing low key constant emotional abuse to their blorbo.

[discordarchitect]

okay so i watched most of these, and i you liked what you saw-- here are some essay channels i personally enjoy, ranging from discussing purely entertainment to worldly happenings stuff. (i tried to mostly add the first type, but, uh, hand slipped.)

every frame a painting - short videos ~10 minutes about frame composition in film. good stuff, though they stopped making videos in 2018. still, there's around 30 there. much material to watch trough

cj the x - serials, film, animation discussion. every video is a blessing but if u dont know where to start i would suggest No Face Is an Incel

folding ideas - that guy who made 2hr long video abt nfts. i personally like his videos abt film (lukewarm defence of 50 shades of grey, editing in suicide squad) but he recently started doing other stuff.... like the nft video. or the flat earth one.

hbomberguy - i mostly watch his entertainment analysis video "// is dissapointing/genius, heres why" (RWBY, pathologic) but he has stuff about real world too "A measured response to" (Vaccine, Climate Change) depends on your preferences, really.

okay fuck i spend too much time on this already, heres the rest in a speedrun

nerdwriter1 - i actually dont really know where to put him? was popular in ~2018. lighthearted entertainment. the one who made the "Van Gogh's ugliest masterpiece" video. not the masterpiece

Game stuff:

Leadhead - analysis of game themes, gameplay

mental checkpoint - this dude made Move or Die. gameplay analysis, explanations of creation (specifically in games) rec: puzzle video

people make games - journalism abt ppl who make games. watch their roblox video its abt child exploitation and is wild.

serials/films:

The Closer Look - screenwriting. mostly in well known films or serials

Lessons from the screenplay

trope anatomy

The cinema cartography - classy, somewhat serious. similar in the vibe to 'every frame a painting' but more... artsy.

Rocket Jump Film School - editing in films.

SavageBooks - films and serials, actually.

Xiran Jay Zhao - asian perspective on stuff, analysis of culture represented in movies. she wrote a bestseller i havent read

music:

sideways - music composition in film.

tantracul - fascinating guy. made a video about a company, got hired into that company. didnt happen with the rest of the videos about companies, but, well. discusses music software and its bad design.

other stuff, more world heavy:

JSC the criminal psychologist - what it says on the tin. analysis of criminals. not for everyone

theramin trees - religion and trauma

shaun - him and contrapoints and philosophytube are contained in my head in one box labeled as Thinking Stuff. very real world, not at all entertainment. compared to the other two though, his stuff is less performative and visually interesting. but quality of these three? always on point. the things they present tend to be well researched and backed up by links, other analysis. always check the warnings of their discussions tho. they're respectfull, but not everyone has same experiences as i do to think so. i would recommend his The Bell Curve video that looks into the history of Iq, specifically trough the book named "The Bell curve"

VIDEO ESSAYS film

in the moment: a 1917 video essay

fantastic mr. fox: my favorite movie

when shakespeare got cool

what even is masculinity? (according to cinema)

lord of the rings: how music elevates story

school of rock’s perfect scene

why miyazaki is a true romantic

feet in films: humanity & divinity

in the mood for love: frames within frames

what the green knight wants you to think about

rogue one: the birth of hope

colour theory in film

my neighbour totoro: what’s real?

art

the death of socrates: how to read a painting

van gogh’s ugliest masterpiece

art is not content (stop it at about 9 minutes because it just becomes a massive ad -_-)

who’s afraid of modern art: vandalism, video games, and fascism 

can you judge art objectively?

woman at her toilette

michelangelo’s unfinished sculptures

music

frank ocean - musical identity

the power of album covers

the rule-breaking music of frank ocean

the lost art of album sequencing

how fka twigs uses magdalene as a metaphor

[clarascuro]

Clara Reads City of Bones Part 3: Hogwarts Institute for Witchcraft and Shadowhunting

The Plot Thus Far

When last we left off, our lovable cardboard cutout protagonist, Clary Fray, had been attacked by a demon called a Ravener and taken to a place called “The Institute”. After three days of recovery, she has an uncomfortable (for us) conversation with Isabelle Lightwood, where we learn that Isabelle is hot and that we, the audience, should hate her for that, and also that Jace Wayland lives with the Lightwood family because his parents are dead. We are meant to feel bad about this. We are meant to feel sorry for Jace, which is a bit of a tall order, considering that Jace Wayland is the worst person to ever smirk and shrug his way through a YA book. If I were trapped in an elevator with him I wouldn’t even wait five minutes to be rescued, I’d pry those doors open and just drop. Death is cruel but quality time with Jace Wayland is crueler. 

So Clary leaves the hospital wing and goes down a long hallway, lead by the sound of someone playing a piano. Last time I said that it was Alec (Isabelle’s brother) who played piano, and that it was his only character trait, but nope!! It’s actually my favorite boy Jace, that sack of human refuse! So I guess Alec has no personality, actually. Anyway, they have some “witty” “banter”, and then Alec takes her to the library to talk to the head of the Institute, Hodge Starkweather, and, yeah. I think it’s time to talk about the Harry Potter stuff. 

The Harry Potter Stuff

You know how E.L. James made minor changes to her crappy Twilight fanfic and then published it as 50 Shades of Gray? Well, as near as anyone can figure out, this is basically the same thing that Cassandra Clare did with her Harry Potter fanfic The Draco Trilogy. Just change the names, tweak the backstories ever so slightly, slap on a crappy cover and publish that sucker! It’s technically not plagiarism anymore! This is how you end up with stuff like "The Institute”, a secret school to teach young magic kids to control their powers, or Hodge Starkweather, elderly magic professor, who, one could argue, is a crackpot old fool teaching our protagonists magic tricks. (Gosh, how does Clare come up with this stuff?) 

This obviously isn’t proof of any kind, but when the villain of your story is named “Valentine” and he’s an evil magic user who has been dead for sixteen years (the age of our secretly magic protagonist) and the main characters are afraid to even say his name...yeah, it doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out where all of this comes from. 

Now all this is frustrating, but it’s also hilarious. I mean, the big bad of the story is called Valentine. VALENTINE. And I actually laughed out loud for several minuted when I first read the name “Hodge Starkweather” to myself. I still get a little chuckle typing this. Oh, and since the word “muggle” would have JK Rowling’s lawyers on her ass faster than light, the word Cassandra Clare uses for non-magic people is...”Mundie”. It’s short for “mundane”. Like...first of all this is objectively hilarious. Second, mundane just means “normal”. If the Shadowhunter society is magical, then aren’t they they mundane ones? I know humans don’t have magic, but we still figured how to like, fly and stuff. That has to count for something. If I saw a dog that taught himself how to read, I wouldn’t like, make fun of him for not also being able to talk. I’d be like “Shit! That’s a pretty impressive fucking dog!” like what the fuck?

Anyway, this is all just a roundabout way to say that obviously this used to be a HP fic that through some twist of fate landed a publishing deal. And you know, it’s not as brain-meltingly bad as 50SoG, so who cares? Cassandra Clare’s just having fun, so who cares if her writing gets published? 

Well...

The Plagiarism

So, yeah, she plagiarized lot. Like a lot. The Draco Trilogy has lines of dialogue taken directly from shows like Red Dwarf, Black Adder, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as well as from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett novels. Quoting shows apparently used to be pretty common in the early days of fanfiction, so there is context to consider here, but it gets worse. Cassandra Clare lifted almost a whole chapter, nearly word for word, from an out-of-print fantasy series called The Hidden Land, by Pamela Dean. On top of that, Clare was sued in 2016 by author Sherrilyn Kenyon, whose Darkhunter series predates Clares Shadowhunters series. (And for the record, Clare’s series was originally titled Darkhunters. Yikes.) You guys can read the full(ish) stories here and here.

I Guess I Have To Keep Talking About The Plot Now

Sigh. So after Hodge Starkweather (A+ naming there) tells them about Valentine, he explains that Shadowhunters are angel-human hybrids? Or something? They’re special, and they fight demons. Also faries, vampires, werewolves, all that stuff exists. We’re stuck with the Shadowhunters, however, because God has punished me for my hubris, and my work is never done. (Oh look, I just plagiarized Brian David Gibert. I’m a real author now, like Cassandra Clare!) The Shadowhunters were started thousands of years ago by a man named, I shit you not, Jonathan Shadowhunter. JONATHAN. FUCKING. SHADOWHUNTER. Why the fuck am I trying to come up with clever names for my characters? I should just name them all “Alex Clarasbook” and call it a fucking day. Fuck.

Anyway after a thrilling conversation with Alec-Who-Has-No-Personality, we find out that he does have a personality! His personality is that he hates humans. Oh, excuse me, “mundies.” Yep, that’s the best way to make a character relatable. Just make ‘em fucking racist. It’s okay though, it’s only magical racism so it evens out. Have I mentioned that this story has no poc?

(Oh also Clary’s mom was a Shadowhunter, but 1. I hate Clary                        and 2. literally a newborn baby could’ve figured that out, so)

Clary and Jace leave the Institute to go back to Clary’s house, and Clary slaps Jace, an act that brings me such joy that only the birth of my firstborn child will ever eclipse it, and even then, it will be it close tie. The moment is quickly over, however, as Clary immediately feels bad about it, because again, she is not a character. She’s a Walmart mannequin created for Jace to make out with. Then she sees two girls looking at Jace, and, in what can only be called the true essence of the book, “Clary turned instant traitor against her gender.” Just as a reminder, Clary sucks.

Anyway they get to her house, kill a giant, talk to a witch, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Basically nothing happens except the inevitable unraveling of my mental processes. I had to stop reading there because I have better things to do with my life besides destroying the few braincells I have left. I’ll post the next part soon, as soon as I can read more than five pages without wanting to fling the book off a seaside cliff into the frothing mist that obscures the swell and crash of the unforgiving waves. Until then, please enjoy some of my favorite bad lines.

Selected Passages (And Commentary)

“Jace chuckled. Clary could tell that he had come up behind her and was standing there with his hands in his pockets, grinning that infuriating grin of his.”                                                                                                             (She knew all that without looking?)

“Attacked. Clary wondered if this was a euphemism for ‘murdered’.”            (Clary you’re literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met.)

“Clary let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in.”                  (This may just be me being petty, but I hate this cliche so much.)

“���You may be the only guy my age I’ve ever met who knows what bergamot is, much less that it’s in Earl Grey tea.”                                                                   (Ah yes, that famous stereotype, that boys don’t know about tea. Oh, you like tea? Name three kinds. I hear sexist gatekeeping is a real problem in the tea community. I am not having a good time.)

“Dorothea chuckled. ‘It’s good to see a young woman eat her fill. In my day, girls were robust, strapping creatures, not twigs like they are nowadays.’ ‘Thanks,’ Clary said. She thought of Isabelle’s tiny waist and felt suddenly gigantic.”                                                                            (Cassandra Clare’s super feminist, guys. You can tell because she’s always pitting her female characters against each other.)

Rating So Far

3/10-Bad. Jonathan Shadowhunter gets an entire 10/10. I’m going to have my name legally changed to Jonathan Shadowhunter.

[kotadj]

1-150 please

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

@lesbian-psyche

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Usually outgoing, selectively shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

The wonderful @lesbian-psyche as well as everyone from school

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends. For some people yes, for more people (once they get to know ME at all) I’m impossible.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I would definitely hope so.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People who are genuine, intelligent, intellectual but not judgmental, slightly more chill than I am, and extremely passionate/excitable when it comes to things they care about.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I would sure hope so. And it would be a major surprise if I wasn’t.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Ummmmmm, no one. Too gay.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not in the slightest. If you knew me, this question would DEFINITELY make you laugh.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@lesbian-psyche (again) 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”Okay baby you can do it”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

”Natural Disaster” - Zac Brown Band

“Sound of Silence (Cover)” - Disturbed

“Heathens (Cover)” - Halestorm

“Bounce Back” - Big Sean

“She’s Got You High” - Mumm’Ra 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Depends on the person and depends how. But generally, yes. Especially girls. Primarily girls. Nearly exclusively girls.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I’ve seen too much of both to say no, but I don’t in the traditional sense.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I moved to PA to start grad school.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Over and over if I had the chance.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think that we have to be ridiculously arrogant to think that there isn’t.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

As long as I’m not allergic to the bubble stuff (which is difficult to come by), I absolutely adore them.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

My neighbors at my apartment are never around, but when they are they can be obnoxious. My neighbors at my parents’ house are fine, but we’re pretty spaced out so I don’t see much of them.

21. What are you bad habits?

I have a ton of them but my biggest one is doing self-destructive shit whenever I feel any really intense negative emotion. In particular, if I get too negatively emotional I smoke. 

22. Where would you like to travel?

Is the entire world an option? But if I had to choose one place, probably Denmark or Tibet.

23. Do you have trust issues?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Scrolling through my email while still laying in bed, since it gives me more time to be both comfortable and lazy.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

There’s quite a lot of them, but probably my massive ears.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Roll over and look at the time, stare at the ceiling to give myself a bit to process, then check my phone and start about my day.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I’m super pale, so sometimes it might be nice if it was a shade darker so makeup didn’t make me look like I was some sort of ghost/evil doll.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

@lesbian-psyche, @staysstrongkeepsliving, and @corgisrule011

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Yes.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes, but not necessarily in the traditional sense that most people think of as comprising a “marriage”. 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Not yet but we’re slowly getting there!

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Holy crap there are a shit ton of them. Like together? With my girlfriend and one of them? This is too complex of a question. But Lzzy Hale is definitely up near the top of the list.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

redwkotas

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I play rugby but am currently benched due to injury. I also snowboard, but this season got destroyed due to that same injury and I’m more than upset about it.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Definitely TV, I don’t think I could live without music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Tons of times.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Welp.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

I’ve said it time and time again, my treehouse girl. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

American Eagle, Rue 21, Under Armour Outlet, and Zumiez

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Well, I’ve been out of high school for 6 years sooooooo yeah, irrelevant.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they did with the first one.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

It could mean a whole bunch of different things, ranging from soul-crushing sadness to absolute happiness and/or contentedness.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Depends on the stranger, depends on my mood, depends on theirs.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Again, please both? But more the ocean.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My dog, quite literally. She jumps on me because she has to eat and pee.

46. What are you paranoid about?

Tons and tons of things. Primarily, people just putting up with me and not actually really liking me/wanting to talk to me. Thank the asshole for that one.

47. Have you ever been high?

Tons of times on tons of different things.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

More times than I’ve been high. I fell asleep in a bowl of pretzels and that wasn’t even the drunkest I’ve ever been.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Not that I can think of?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

I’m currently wearing it. It’s light grey with black and bright blue accents.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Sometimes, but not anymore.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My mental illnesses.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Urban Decay.

54. Favourite store?

American Eagle.

55. Favourite blog?

@lesbian-psyche

56. Favourite colour?

Purple, since I think saying black is a cop-out.

57. Favourite food? 

Tacos or clams (no, that’s not a joke)

58. Last thing you ate?

Wintergreen lifesaver.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

My mom’s chicken salad.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Quite a few, but my memory is really terrible right now.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Yes. Startin’ fights and being a general hoodlum.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope, somehow skirted all of those.

63. Ever been in love? 

Absolutely. Still am.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Nope. Really don’t want to. Too long and complicated.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Kind of.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

My tumblr friends ARE my real friends.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yes, Friends.

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Alyssa, Mel, Emily, Tim, Jon, Kyle, Xan

71. Craving something? What?

Chocolate.

72. What colour are your towels?

Mostly purple and blue, but I have a peach one that I really like.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Depends. Usually two under my head. And since I broke my ribs, usually hugging one.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yes. And a real animal.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Over 50.

75. Favourite animal?

Okapi.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Bright pink.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

See above, but also a black and purple t-shirt.

80. What colour pants?

Blue.

81. Favourite tv show?

Orphan Black, Lost Girl, or Friends. 

82. Favourite movie?

It’s a tie between SLC Punk and the Swedish movie Kiss Me.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janis.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory.

87. First person you talked to today?

@lesbian-psyche

88. Last person you talked to today?

Today is still going on, but again @lesbian-psyche

89. Name a person you hate?

Mike Pence.

90. Name a person you love?

@lesbian-psyche

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Quite a few people.

92. In a fight with someone?

Not on a personal level.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I HAD two, but my favorite pair had to get cut during my accident in December. I’m more of a lounge pants kind of person.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Way too many to count.

95. Last movie you watched?

Suicide Squad, Extended Edition.

96. Favourite actress?

Sandra Bullock or Titty Malaysia.

97. Favourite actor?

Ryan Reynolds. 

98. Do you tan a lot?

Yes, but not fake tan ever. Only in the summer.

99. Have any pets?

A stupid dog and a dumb bunny.

100. How are you feeling?

Tired and bored and just kind of over it.

101. Do you type fast?

Somewhat.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Not really regret, but there are things that I’m not proud of. If I changed any of them, though, I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am.

103. Can you spell well?

Sometimes.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

I host them all the time in my parents’ back yard. We have a huge fire pit that I helped build.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I was a barrel racer, so yes.

108. What should you be doing?

Homework, cleaning, or napping.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

How I can’t get comfortable because it is hurting my ribs.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Absolutely.

111. Do you have trust issues?

You already asked this but yes.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My girlfriend (I’m going to stop tagging her a million and a half times)

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Knuckles or Erry or Bo.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Tons of times. Been out of the country, too.

115. Do you play the Wii?

Not usually. Especially since part of it is in my apartment and part of it isn’t.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

No, surprisingly.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Absolutely love it.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Absolutely.

119. Favourite book?

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Not inside. And not usually outside. Especially if my eyes have adjusted.

121. Are you mean?

Definitely can be.

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Everything is grey, not black and white. So, I really don’t like the word “okay” for something so morally weighted.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Not at all.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not love, necessarily, but definitely connection.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Depends on your definition but yes.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes.

127. What makes you happy?

Tons of stuff. Sun, the ocean, mountains, plants, trees, fires, good books, good food, I could go on.

128. Would you change your name?

Currently working on it.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Pisces, but I “fit” way more with Aries.

130. Do you like subway?

Sometimes.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Punch him and tell him “I’m gay you idiot, stop it”.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

YOU ALREADY ASKED THIS.

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”She was a preacher’s daughter, never did what daddy taught her and the rebel in her soul brought her to me”

134. Can you count to one million?

Probably but why the hell would I waste my time trying? Actually, supposedly no one can. But idk how true that is.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“Nope, I definitely don’t like her”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Always closed. It freaks me out to even have the closet or bathroom door open.

137. How tall are you?

5′ 6″ - 5′ 7″ ish

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Have: Wavy. Attracted to: Either.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Have: Brunette. Attracted to: Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter?

Depends. It’s a tight race for which is my favorite season. But I lean towards summer.

141. Night or Day?

Warm nights are my absolute favorite.

142. Favourite month?

Probably August.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Depends. Mint tea or decaf coffee.

146. Was today a good day?

Pretty great, yeah.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Neither really.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

”Strength is what one wants, you can get nothing without it, and strength must be won by strength.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

In a way, yes.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line

“Confined in the dark, narrow can of our own making which we take for the whole universe, very few of us can even begin to imagine another dimension of reality.”