#it’s the first manga I’ve ever read all the way through okay?

[lost-in-wond3rland]

MHA manga has ended and I’m rewatching the show to be caught up caught up (cough cough and fill the void cough cough) and the hyper fixation his hyper fixating and I only feel a LITTLE bad about all the spam rebloggs I’ve been doing lol

[jumexju]

MOTHER I SOBER

Pairings !! : Denji / GN Reader

Fic Type !! : Reverse Comfort, Comfort, Angst, Fluff

CW !! : Mentions of SA, Reader is implied to be a survivor of SA, Description of disassociation (denji) in the beginning, SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE MANGA

Summary !! : You comfort Denji after he breaks down.

Note !! : I just wanna give that boy a hug, do not read if you're sensitive to any of the aforementioned content warnings.

✦ MASTERLIST

His vision blurred.

He was there, but not there. 

He saw, but he wasn’t seeing.

His vision blurred.

His ears were hearing, but he wasn’t listening. 

He could feel, but he wasn’t feeling. 

His. Vision. Blurred. 

Soft cooes of, ‘you’ll be okay’ streamed into his non-listening ears. Soft fingers were felt on his scalp as they lightly caressed through his yellow tresses. Soft eyes set on him as he cried through his blurry vision. “..It hurts.” His words came out meekly. No matter how desperately he wanted to move, to go away and hide in a hole forever — He simply had no energy to do so. He was paralyzed. 

Paralyzed in his confusion. 

“I’m here for you,” These words, he did hear.

“Are you?” He bitterly asked. ‘How could you possibly be here for him if you knew nothing of the way he felt?’ That’s what he thought, despite feeling your touch become softer — If that was even possible. “You don’t even know what I feel, hell- I barely know how I feel..”  His words dripped with self-doubt. They dripped with the bone-crushing confusion that he felt.

“I know,” You began, your fingers still in his hair, “-because I’ve been there too.” 

His vision cleared, he was here. “You were..?” 

“Assaulted? Yes, I was.” you confessed to him, hoping he didn’t feel as alone as he clearly did feel. “You’re not alone in what you’re feeling and you’re valid, too.” You gazed down at him with eyes of understanding. 

“Assaulted..? But i’m a guy- I asked her to-” 

“It can happen to anyone.” You cut him off, shutting down his stigmatized beliefs. “Guys too. -And if you had wanted it, you wouldn’t be feeling confused about whether or not you liked it.” 

His head lifted off of your thighs, he wanted to face you this time. “.. I came in her hand- isn’t that proof that I liked it?” 

“No, it’s a bodily reaction.” You gazed into his honey eyes, hoping to help him process it. You knew what to do because you wished someone had been there for you the way you were now here for him. “If you had liked it, you wouldn’t be feeling this torn up about it Denji,” Your words were soft. As if you had all the answers. “What happened to you was assault because she did it even when you told her you didn’t consent to it anymore.. You were violated.” 

“But I..” He looked down at his feet, his back propped up against the wall as he sat next to you. Sorrowful tears spilled down his cheeks, he didn’t want to accept it. But he knew you were right. He knew that deep down he didn’t want Asa to do that. He knew deep in his being that it hurt just like when Makima had done it first. 

You rubbed his back as you watched him process the event before leaning over to envelope him in a hug. A hug that spoke all the feelings you couldn’t put into words. “It's okay Denji, you’re not alone..” You reminded him while you felt his hands slowly come up to return your hug. 

“Why does this keep happening to me..?” He cried quietly into your shoulder, his wobbly voice asking a desperate question. But for this one, you didn’t have an answer.. Because you wondered why it had happened to you as well. So you gave him the best answer you could muster up. 

“Sometimes.. There are just people out there who want to do harm to others without a reason..” You spoke quietly, “There are bad people out there- just like how there are good people.” 

“Every girl I've ever liked — they pulled shit like this.. I just don’t know what to do anymore..” He sounded so hopeless and it broke you to see him like this. It hurt even more because you had been there too. “I don’t know who to trust..” 

You pulled apart from him just slightly, looking at him with a determined expression. “You don’t have to trust anyone.” You held his cheeks in your hands, “Trust is earned, it’s not automatically given to everyone just because they claim to be on your side.” 

He blinked a bit and wiped his tears, the skin under his eyes was red and irritated. “Can I trust you?” 

“That’s up to you,” you smiled warmly.

For so long, Denji thought that what he wanted most in life was sex. He thought that he could die happy if he had a girlfriend that loved him. The only problem was that he thought love meant sex — and that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Because love was you.

Love was someone that didn’t hurt him like Makima, Himeno or Asa. Love was understanding. Love was patient. 

Just like you. 

[ayyy-pee]

Chapter 7 - 50-50 Grind

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Kofi

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Taglist

Pairing:Suguru Geto x Female Reader, Choso Kamo x Female Reader

Summary: We get into the mind of Choso and find that his cool, calm demeanor may be nothing more than an illusion when it comes to reader.

Warning: Smut, Oral Sex (reader receiving), Oral Sex (reader giving), Choso being super sweet, Choso being super nasty, Cumshot, Oral Cumshot, Cum Swallowing, Very Slight Cumplay (Choso), Jealousy, Jealous Behavior, Vaginal Fingering, Handjob

Suguru Art: YuOekk

Choso Art: @DmD_0_03

A/N: Chileeee THE WRITER'S BLOCK THE WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! I hope everyone had an amazing (and safe) new year! In 2023, I'm going to try not to lie so much about when I'll be updating so instead, I just won't say anything! DLFKJSDKF

Enjoy the new year and this new chapter!

The sounds of cash registers beeping and patrons conversing amongst themselves fills the air. It’s busy this afternoon in the supermarket. It’s a good thing. Choso enjoys company, enjoys the normalcy of simply shopping for groceries. He doesn’t get the opportunity to do it much during competition season and he doesn’t particularly mind the hustle and bustle. Even though he draws attention to himself with his face tattoos and tired eyes, he finds comfort in being around people.

Choso glances down at his phone, the way too long shopping list nearly making his eyes cross as he reads through. You’re coming over for dinner with Choso and his brothers tomorrow night and apparently everything on this list is absolutely essential (according to Yuji). He grabs a few carrots as listed from the vegetable display, tucking them away into a bag before placing them in the basket hanging from his arm. He moves on to look at the herbs noted on his phone. He’s not exactly sure what all of these ingredients will become. He’s not the one cooking dinner– Yuji is. 

He’d volunteered out of sheer excitement. 

“Choso’s bringing someone home?! That never happens,” Yuji teases. He’s stretched out on the floor in the living room as he reads through a manga.

“Will you ever just call me big brother?” Choso sulks on the couch. “It hurts my feelings when you just call me by my name.”

Yuji ignores him. “What’s she like?!”

“Really sweet. Pretty too. Like, really pretty. She photographs for a skate magazine. That’s how we met.”

“Wow! She seems so cool.”

“She is.”

“I’m so excited! Oh! I’m gonna cook! I’ve been wanting to try this new recipe out.”

Choso smiles, thinking about you. He thinks you’re beautiful, smart, funny and talented. Your photos surprise him whenever you let him get a peek. How can you make a simple trick he’s seen done hundreds of times look different and better every time? You’re passionate. He likes that about you. A lot.

The only thing about you that Choso dislikes is the dead weight attached to you named Suguru Geto. He tries really hard not to let it bother him, but he doesn’t get it. At first, he didn’t mind so much. When you’d told him about your little “situationship” with Suguru, that didn’t matter to him. He’s never been the jealous type anyway. But the more Choso got to know you, the more Suguru’s presence in your life began to irk him. 

How was he to know he’d end up feeling this way? He had no idea of knowing how serious he’d become about you. Or how quickly he’d become serious about you. He figured you’d come to your senses sooner or later, see who the better choice was. But Suguru was still sticking around like an annoying rash you couldn’t get rid of. 

But he won’t get into that with Yuji right now.

“She’s great. I’m excited for you all to meet her. Hopefully everyone is on their best behavior,” Choso murmurs, face serious.

The slight warning in Choso’s tone makes Yuji sit up. “Hey! Eso’s the asshole. Worry about him. Me and Kechizu will be sooooo nice.”

Choso nods, a small smile playing on his lips. “Okay, good. I’m really nervous so that’s good to hear.”

Choso was glad Yuji volunteered to cook since he loves doing it so much. Otherwise, he’d be ordering takeout. Kechizu talks too much and spits when he speaks, so he was banned from cooking a long time ago. Eso sweats so much, Choso fears he’s eaten the strange smelly goop that forms on his back at some point in time. He was banned, too. Choso can’t cook to save his life, so he sticks to making money, ordering food and keeping a roof over everyone’s head. It’s only when Yuji came to live with them, that the brothers had experienced a real home cooked meal.

It was delicious. And while Choso doesn’t insist Yuji makes dinner often, Yuji enjoys doing so. Choso appreciates that his baby brother uses his cooking skills as a way to bring the family together when time permits.

He sighs as his eyes scan over the items in the shopping basket. He’s almost finished, which is a relief to him. He wants to get back home to clean up for tomorrow. He hopes the dinner goes well, that you like his brothers and that his brothers like you.

After grabbing the last ingredient on the list, Choso waits in the checkout line to pay. He wonders what you’re doing. You’ve been busy since the last time he saw you. Today, you had plans so he would actually have to wait until tomorrow to see you. 

Didn’t mean he couldn’t call you, though.

He pulls his phone from his pants, dials your number and lets it ring. You answer on the fourth.

“Hey,” you answer sweetly. He can hear the familiar sound of wheels skidding and slamming against the pavement. You must be out shooting.

“Hey, babe. I was just calling to talk for a minute. I’m at the store right now getting stuff for tomorrow. Wanted to see what you’re up to.”

There’s some rustling on your end and then it’s quiet for a bit. Choso waits patiently. You’re probably trying to get away from the ruckus.

“Sorry, it was a little loud,” you tell him. “I just finished up a shoot at one of the parks. Packing up and then I’m going to grab lunch with Suguru.”

Choso ignores the tightness in his chest from hearing his name. “Oh. Sounds fun.”

“Yeah, but I’m so tired. I’ve been out all morning so I won’t be out too long. I’ll probably go straight home after.”

“With him?” Choso blurts out before he can stop himself. He closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose because he probably sounds so fucking pathetic now. Worrying about you going home with a man you were seeing long before you’d met him; a man who you were open and honest about still having feelings for, still seeing. A man Choso said it was okay for you to continue seeing while you got to know each other. 

Even so, he can’t help the nagging feeling of jealousy.

“No? Just me…” You’re quiet for a moment before you ask, “Are you okay?” He can hear you zipping your bags. You’ll be leaving the park soon...with Suguru. He doesn’t want to ruin your time out with friends and…him. Well, he does want to ruin your time out with friends and him, but Choso likes to think he’s a little more mature than that. So he does what any mature jealous person does – He lies.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

The cashier waves Choso forward and he sets his basket on to the checkout belt.

“You just never really ask about Suguru…I was just wondering if you’re alright.”

Choso hardly asks about Suguru because he doesn’t want to hear about Suguru. Although at some point in time he told you he was willing to wait for you to come to your senses, he sometimes wonders if you ever will.

Choso enjoys going with the flow. He’s chill, avoids drama the best he can. He’s laid back. But that doesn’t make him an idiot. He knows your history with Suguru. And he gets it…sort of. A year is a long time to have your feelings toyed with. To be dragged along for the ride, constantly pulled close only to be pushed away. 

From what Choso knows, it was less about building a relationship with you and all about the sex for Suguru. But for you…you wanted so much more from him and he didn’t want to give that to you. At least, not until Choso entered the picture. It seemed suddenly the asshole had finally opened his eyes and realized how good you were. That, or he was trying to keep you from realizing you deserved better than him. Choso would bet on the latter.

Because how could Suguru have not seen it in the first place? How could he have not chosen to give you more when you’d asked the first time?

Choso thinks Suguru’s a fucking idiot, an actual monkey.

Actually, Choso’s pretty sure a monkey is smarter than Suguru at this point. Of course, he doesn’t voice this to you. You’ve got history with Suguru, no matter how shitty. He’s still the new guy in your life and he likes you a lot. He doesn’t want to ruin anything.

But fuck, he wishes you’d open your eyes to how much of a piece of shit Suguru is.

It’s easy enough for Choso to give Suguru zero energy when they’re in the same area together. It’s not like they had much communication with each other before, if any. Now it seemed Choso couldn’t escape him.

“Choso?”

“Sir?”

The cashier’s voice and yours pull him back to the present at the same time. The cashier points to the screen, the total waiting to be paid.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly to both you and the cashier. “Um, I have to go, baby. Text me later?”

“Sure. I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Cool, uh…have fun.”

He ends the call, pocketing his phone and taking his wallet out so he can pay and get out of the way. He takes his receipt from the cashier before grabbing the bag of groceries and exiting the store.

----------

The next evening finds Choso frantically setting up the table for dinner. You’d be here at any moment and he wants the place to look perfect. Unfortunately, Eso and Kechizu got called into work so it would only be you, Choso and Yuji for dinner. Probably for the best. He loves his brothers, but they can be a bit much all at once. Better not to get Eso worked up anyway. The entire house would smell.

Choso’s got a bouquet of roses in a new vase in the center of the table. Yuji’s idea. He’s not sure when or how his little brother became such a romantic, but he’s grateful for any tips.

Choso doesn’t date much, doesn’t have time for it. It’s not that he’s not interested in finding someone, but his lifestyle keeps him so busy, it’s hard to find someone understanding enough to tolerate it. And then he met you. You work in his field (sort of) and you’re just as busy if not more. You understand that travel is a part of his job and there will be times when he’s unavailable. You’re patient when he’s unavailable for long periods of time. You’re what he wants in a partner in all honesty.

Yuji brings the food over and begins plating the two plates sitting next to each other. He’s so fancy in his little apron; like a real chef. Choso wonders if he gets his love and talent for cooking from his side of the family. Probably, since Choso and all of his brothers can’t cook.

The doorbell rings indicating your arrival.

“Oh, she’s here!” He exclaims, rushing back to the kitchen to put the pans away as Choso heads to the door. He swings the door open, unable to stop the wide smile that spreads across his face when he sees you. 

Damn, he missed you. 

You’re standing there, all smiles too, in a cute little dress that hugs you in all the right places. You look incredible. It gets the usual reaction from Choso that he has to go above and beyond to hide any time he’s around you – a subtle, persistent throbbing between his legs. It takes a lot for him not to blatantly stare.

Instead, he leans down and presses a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Hey babe,” he greets you, lacing his fingers through yours and pulling you inside.

“Hey,” you say back, gifting Choso with a shy smile.

“You look great.”

“Thank you.”

Choso’s lips are on yours as soon as the door shuts, arms looping around your waist to pull you closer. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him forward to deepen the kiss. You open your mouth to him and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue past your teeth and press the soft muscle against yours. You both stand in the entryway, lips slotting against each other, Choso’s hands gliding up and down your back as he holds you close. When you moan softly into his mouth, that throbbing between his legs grows and he reluctantly breaks the kiss.

You peer up at him through your lashes, so fucking pretty it only makes the throbbing grow almost painful. So he turns away from you if only to calm himself down. It’s always like this with you. It feels like someone is playing a cruel and twisted joke on him, because he told you he had no issue waiting for sex. And he doesn’t. But fuck, you always look so good, smell so sweet. It’s hard for him to not want to break his little rule.

Choso takes a deep breath before his hand finds yours again, leading you into the apartment.

“It smells great in here,” you comment. “I’m so excited to meet your brothers.”

“Just brother. Eso and Kechizu had to work unfortunately, but Yuji is here,” Choso explains. “He actually cooked tonight.”

“Really?! Can’t wait to try it!”

When you get to the dining area, Choso pulls your seat out for you so you can sit down. It’s only as Yuji emerges from the kitchen that Choso notices the third placemat and dining set is now missing. Yuji beams when he sees you, coming to sit in the seat across from you.

“Hi! I’m Yuji.”

You introduce yourself to Yuji as well, smiling when Yuji proceeds to tell you how much Choso talks about you and how happy he looks lately. He showers you with compliments on your looks and Choso wonders where the hell all this charm came from. Certainly not from Choso’s side of the family. 

“Thank you, Yuji. You’re so sweet. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. Your brother talks about you all the time.”

Yuji rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “He’s just a little obsessed.”

You laugh, because you’d agree. Choso loves his brothers more than anything in this world. It’s obvious. But it’s adorable. Something you really like about him.

“He just really cares about you. That’s all.”

“You’re not eating with us?” Choso asks suddenly, probably sounding a lot more disappointed about it than he intended.

Yuji smiles sadly. “Sorry, big bro. Nobara and Fushiguro invited me out while I was cooking. I didn’t want to say anything before but…” he looks between you and Choso. “If I had to choose between third wheeling with my friends or you two, I’m gonna choose them.”

Choso doesn’t miss how Yuji just so happens to use the nickname he’s always begging his little brother to call him. It’s his weak spot and Yuji knows it, knows he’ll get away with anything as long as he calls Choso his big bro. 

Choso nods. “Have fun. Don’t stay out too late or I’ll send Eso to get you.”

Yuji scowls, muttering about how embarrassing Eso is before he stands. His expression shifts into a grin and he claps his hands together. “I really put my all into this dinner so I hope you both enjoy! Eat it while it’s hot! It was nice meeting you.”

“You, too, Yuji. Have fun with your friends.”

The front door closes shortly after. Choso sighs, taking your hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” he frowns. “I said you’d meet my brothers and all plans fell through.”

You reach a hand forward and cup Choso’s face, your thumb gently caressing over the tattooed line on that side. “Choso, it’s okay. As long as I get to spend time with you, I don’t mind.”

Choso beams, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to your lips. “You’re too good to me.”

You shake your head. “You’re too good to me.”

----------

Dinner goes well. The food is spectacular. Choso can’t wait to tell Yuji how much you enjoyed the food. You and Choso in deep discussion while washing dishes together about the third Cheetah Girls movie and why it’s your least favorite, save for a few songs. It’s oddly domestic. He has many opinions on the breakup of the group, but promises to save that discussion for later. 

Choso talks about his competitions, you congratulating him on how well he’s been doing. It makes his cheeks burn red with embarrassment and happiness all at the same time. He offers to show you his trophies once you’re finished cleaning up and you happily accept the invitation. 

After drying the last dish, Choso leads you to his bedroom to show you some of his favorite competition wins. They line the built-in wall shelves. Choso grabs the trophy he’d won at the televised event where he’d essentially confessed to you on live tv from the shelf. 

You take a seat on the edge of Choso’s bed, as he wanders over with it. He watches as you bring your arms above your head, stretching your back and Choso has to turn his gaze away from you briefly. You make the most mundane actions look so enticing and it drives him crazy how much he wants you. He wants more than just kisses, more than just holding hands.

Choso clears his throat before he turns his gaze back to you and holds the trophy up. “I think this one’s my favorite,” he tells you. “For obvious reasons.”

You smile bashfully. “I think that’s my favorite, too.”

He places the trophy back in its spot before he crosses the room again and sits next to you on his bed, leaning back to prop himself up on his elbows. You place your hand on Choso’s thigh, patting lightly and his bodily response is immediate, the earlier throbbing now making its presence known again. Choso sits up quickly, clearing his throat.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks and you nod, closing the distance with an “of course” before your lips are on his. The hand on his thigh runs gently along the length of his quad, making his breaths come a little more rapidly with each kiss. Choso’s large hand comes up to grip the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. It’s hungry, all tongue and soft sighs into each other's mouths as your lips caress.

When you finally pull away, Choso finds himself chasing your lips with a quiet whimper. 

“Thank you so much for dinner, Choso. Everything was great and I had a really good time,” you tell him.

Choso leans forward, presses his forehead to yours. “You sound like you’re about to head out.”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” you whisper and there’s a hint of sadness in your voice.

“Baby,” he mutters softly. “You could never.” He ghosts his lips over yours, placing soft pecks to the corners of your mouth. “Stay as long as you want. I like having you here.”

“Choso…” you breathe against him, the hand on his thigh squeezing gently. “If I stay…” 

He trails kisses along your jaw, featherlight, so soft you can barely feel it. And yet, your chest rises and falls rapidly with each breath. “If you stay?”

You sigh, pulling back. You’re no doubt trying to change the subject with some excuse to run out of here. “I’m just really tired. Prepping for this shoot has been draining the shit out of me. Tonight has been amazing. I just don’t want to bring the mood down with how stressed I am.”

Choso hums, nodding, eyes now fixed on the spot where your hand rests. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

The pause is long as he awaits your answer, the heat of your hand radiating through the fabric of Choso’s pants and making the throbbing between his legs even worse, if possible. You watch Choso closely, eyes following where his dark orbs are focused on.

“I don’t know…” you mutter softly, fingers lightly squeezing Choso’s thigh. He bites back the low groan threatening to escape. His gaze drifts up to your glossed lips. 

“Well, how do you usually relieve stress?” Choso asks, the heat quickly pooling in his center as your hand coasts along his thigh.

You give him a knowing look, biting down on your bottom lip. He understands.

“I have an idea,” He responds quietly, shifting on the bed.

“What’s your idea?”

He wants to kiss you again, feel your mouth against his. He always wants to kiss you. Ever since he met you, it’s been all he’s done. Of course Choso wants to do more with you. He fantasizes about it. But he told you he’d wait for you to make a choice first. He didn’t want to make you feel like he only wanted sex from you, the way he made you feel.

But, while sex isn’t the only thing he wants, he does want it. When he sees the tip of your pink tongue dart out to swipe across your bottom lip, he can only hope you’re both thinking the same thing.

“I want you,” he blurts out, unable to hold back his honesty.

“Choso…” you sigh his name and it only makes him want you more. “ I want you, too.”

“I know I said there’s no rush for sex, but it doesn’t mean we can’t do other things.”

You bite your lip again, eyes searching Choso’s. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, but for purely selfish reasons if I’m being honest.”

You cock your head to the side in confusion.

“Making you feel good will make me feel good,” he explains.

You nod, giving Choso the green light. “Okay.” 

He scoots back to lay on his bed, pulling you along with him. “Come here, baby,” he coaxes as he lays down on his back. His hands find your hips, positioning you so that you’re straddling his chest.

“Closer,” Choso says, his thumbs tracing circles on your hips.

“Okay,” you murmur, scooting forward until your plush thighs are on either side of his head. His hands slide down your hips, to the hem of your dress that’s already ridden up enough that Choso can catch a peek of your panties.

“Can I?” He asks, pinching the hem of the fabric between his fingers.

“Yes, Choso,” you pant in anticipation.

He peels your dress up, getting a full view of your core. Your panties hug your pussy so nicely, a small wet spot from your arousal forming right in the center. Choso wants nothing more than to bury his face between your legs, have you crying out his name over and over, give you everything you want and more. But instead he turns his head to the side and presses a tender kiss to the inside of one of your thighs, then turns his head to do the same to the other. The sound of your breath hitching in your throat makes Choso pause.

“Is this okay?”

You nod, your hand coming down to comb your fingers through his hair. It makes him shiver, makes his cock stiffen further. “It’s fine. I’m fine, Choso. Make me feel good.”

Fuck, the reassurance only makes him harder, lets him know he doesn’t need to hold back anymore. But he still nods, wraps his arms around your lush thighs, squeezing softly. 

He kisses your thighs again, trailing soft touches all the way up to your center, leaving a soft peck directly to that dark little wet spot. He chuckles when you roll your hips forward at the contact, then he trails soft kisses back down your other thigh. 

“You’re so pretty like this, baby,” he kisses your center again. “All for me,” he mutters against your undergarments.

Choso pulls back, eyes locked to that sweet spot spreading along the fabric of your panties when he whispers a soft, “Let me take care of you,” and then he’s pulling you down by your thighs, meeting you halfway to latch his hot mouth directly onto your clothed pussy. 

A mixture of your moans and Choso’s fill the room, the vibrations shooting straight to your clit. You gasp, rolling your hips forward to grind yourself against Choso’s face, a soft moan rushing past your lips. He lets you ride his tongue, his saliva soaking through the fabric. You taste incredible and he hasn’t even truly experienced you yet. 

“Oh my god,” you whine before Choso halts your movements with his hands. He runs his tongue over your panties, long and slow, his hips bucking into the air when the fingers in his hair tighten into a fist, your other hand finding purchase on his headboard. He presses his nose into the center of your panties and inhales deeply, eyes rolling to the back of his head when your sweet aroma fills his senses.

“Fuck, I bet this pussy tastes so good without this in the way.”

You whimper above Choso as he hooks a finger into your panties and pulls them to the side, groaning softly when he finally gets a good look at your cunt, glistening with the mixture of your slick and his saliva. It’s prettier than he could’ve ever imagined. He wants a taste.

His free hand squeezes your thigh lightly just as Choso pushes his tongue between your folds and runs a hot, languid lick up your core. He feels your body shudder above him, his own body following when he finally gets a full taste of you. He gives your clit a small lick before pulling it into his mouth, sucking lightly, unable to keep his hips from thrusting up again when you gasp above him. He moans, the vibration leaving you panting.

“Shit! So good, Choso, that’s so good.”

“Yeah, baby?” He asks, voice muffled as he buries his face in your cunt again, licking and sucking your clit until you’re grinding your own hips down on him.

“Yes, yes, yes! Don’t stop.”

He groans, hands squeezing your thighs to spread them further open for him. His tongue grazes your clit, swirling around the sensitive bud over and over until you’re a whimpering mess above him. You taste better than he could’ve ever imagined – saccharinely sweet. He pulls you forward, your hips bucking when his tongue slips into your entrance. He can feel your walls clench in response, groaning when your knees tighten on each side of his head. 

The grip in his hair loosens, your other arm shooting up to grab hold of the headboard with both hands to keep from falling over. Choso thrusts his tongue into your hole, moaning when he feels you moving your hips on your own, fucking yourself on his mouth. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," you cry out.

Choso pulls out of your hole, moving his mouth to wrap his soft lips around your clit again, sucking hard. 

"Oh, Choso," you mewl, the new sensation making your grip on the headboard loosen, falling forward onto your hands. The new position gives Choso much better access, his hands letting go of your thighs to cup your ass. With one hand, he spreads one of your cheeks. With the other, he easily slips two fingers into your sopping hole.

“Fuuuuuck,” Choso moans into your cunt when he feels your tight pussy clench down on his fingers. He loves making you feel good, having you moaning and whining but, goddamn, he’s so hard, he’s thrusting into the air, trying and failing to find any sort of friction. It’s torturous. He can feel his erection, painful and sticky in his pants. He’ll definitely have to take care of himself after you’re gone.

Choso curls his fingers, smirking when he feels your thighs immediately begin to quiver around his head.

“You close?” He asks before pressing the flat of his tongue against your clit just as he curls his digits inside you again. 

You don’t even get a chance to answer him, your hands tugging his sheets as they ball into fists. The only sounds that can be heard are your hushed moans that grow gradually louder as you grind your hips down against Choso’s face along with the lewd slurping of Choso’s mouth as he laps up your release. You’re coming undone, walls clenching around his fingers, as your body spasms with your orgasm.

And Choso waits, pumping his fingers into you and gently licking through your folds until he finally feels you relax above him. He pulls his digits out of you, placing a soft kiss to your swollen cunt before he pulls your panties back into place and helps you scoot down his torso until you’re seated on his groin. 

You’re watching him close, chest rising and falling as you try to catch your breath, pupils blown with desire. Choso brings his fingers up to his face, spreading and closing them like a pair of scissors, watching the sticky strings of your slick spread between them. His eyes stay locked with yours as he opens his mouth and slides his fingers in, wrapping his lips around them and sucking them clean. He lets them go with a loud pop.

“You taste fucking amazing,” he groans, his hips coming up to grind against your ass.

Your head cocks to the side when you feel his hardness against you. “Looks like you need someone to make you feel good, too.” You suggest, leaning forward to place sweet kisses down Choso’s cheek, his neck and chest. You kiss all the way down his abs and the fire in Choso’s belly grows as you get closer to your destination. 

He watches as you slip your hands into the waistband of his pants and pull them off. He moans when you lean forward and press those pretty fucking lips to his throbbing, clothed cock and it’s involuntary, the way his hips come up on reflex. 

He groans quietly, watching your lips curl up in a small smirk. You already know the effect you have on him without doing much at all. Minx.

Your eyes lock with Choso’s, hands finding the waistband of his boxers right before you press another hot and tender kiss to his core, Choso’s back arching at the contact.

“Fuck.” 

Keep doing that and he’s going to cum in his pants. At this moment he wouldn’t mind. It would be a welcome relief. He’d just have to hope you’d understand if it came to that. You’re just so sexy; a seductress when you want to be. How could he not blow his load when he’s got the perfect view of you right now settled between his legs? Face down, ass up in the air, back arched so he can see those beautiful round cheeks of yours. He kind of regrets opting for not going all the way tonight because he’d love to feel that little pussy contract around his dick like it just did on his tongue not that long ago.

The thought makes his cock jump within the confines of his underwear.

Gaze still glued to Choso’s, you tug lightly at the waistband of his boxers before your soft voice asks, “Can I?”

He doesn’t think about it for a second.

“Do whatever you want,” he tilts his hips up, letting you slide his boxers off for him. “It’s yours, baby.”

His cock springs free with a loud smack against his lower belly. It’s long, thick, with a large vein running right up the underside until it reaches the angry red tip. The entire length is sticky, precum slathered over it. You settle yourself between his legs again as you take in the sight of him exposed to you.

“I want to make you feel good, too.”

You take his length into your mouth before he can argue, your lips closing around the head. “Ah– shit,” Choso grunts, bringing a hand up to the back of your head. From here, Choso thinks he has the perfect view of you. It turns him on beyond measure and he jerks his hips forward, shoving his cock further into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. “Sorry, fuck. I’m sorry.” He moans, pulling out of your mouth.

You shake your head, waving off his concern. “It’s okay, Choso. I like it.”

You’re back on his dick, humming when Choso fills the cavern of your mouth, the vibrations making him shiver. His hand finds the back of your head again, Choso rolling his hips up so he can shove his cock down your throat again, over and over. And you take it so good, relaxing your throat for him so it’s easy. 

“Your mouth feels amazing,” Choso grunts, pumping into you. The sound of his balls slapping against your chin makes his eyes roll back, a pleasure shooting straight up his spine.

It feels so fucking good. Too fucking good.

Yeah, he’s not going to last very long here.

You release his dick, running your tongue along that vein on the underside of his cock, pulling a string of curses from Choso. You lick from the base of his length all the way to the tip, teasing the slit of his cock with your tongue, lapping up the bead of precum that sits there. 

"Fuck!"

You kiss down the length of his dick, bringing your attention to his balls, running your tongue right between the two orbs before bringing one into your mouth and sucking. Your hand wraps around Choso’s length, stroking him up and down.

A liquid heat pools in Choso’s core, the threat of his orgasm quickly approaching. He doesn’t want to cum yet. He’s been wanting this for a long time, to be intimate in more ways than just kissing and cuddling. It feels way too good. He wants to savor this. But damn, if you keep going like this–

You wrap your lips around Choso’s cock, taking his entire length in your mouth in one motion. The sudden tight warmth makes Choso’s back arch, has his hands flying to the back of your head to hold you in place.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Don’t move, baby,” he pants, holding your face to his groin so he can fuck your throat. And then you open your throat for him, relaxing for just a moment before you constrict around his cock and the sensation that shoots through Choso’s dick makes him pull you back. You let go with an obnoxious pop as Choso grabs the base of his dick.

He can’t stave it off, not when he sees your swollen lips, your tear stained cheeks, the line of drool dangling from your chin.

“Fuck, baby, I can’t. I’m–I’m gonna cum,” he warns.

You lean forward, opening your mouth, tongue hanging out in invitation. “Give it to me, Choso. I want your cum, baby. Gimme all of it.”

God, you’re so fucking sexy.

He feels his balls tighten, feels the rush in the palm of his hand as he pumps his cock, his free  hand coming to hold the back of your head in position before thick, hot spurts of his cum shoot from the tip and paint your tongue white with his seed.

“Oh god,” he groans through gritted teeth. He keeps pumping, watching as you quickly put your tongue back in your mouth and swallow before you stick it back out for him. It’s so much cum and you take it all, swallowing without him even asking you to. Even wrapping your lips around the tip and sucking so you don’t waste a drop. 

“You’re so good to me,” Choso whispers when he’s finally emptied his load on your tongue.  Breaths coming rapidly, he watches you climb along the length of his body until you’re face to face. He can smell his release on your breath, and then he’s tasting it when you press an open mouthed kiss to his lips, moaning when he tastes the mixture of his release and yours on his tongue.

“Thank you,” you say after breaking the kiss. “I feel a lot better now.”

Choso chuckles, running his hands along your spine. “Good. Me, too.”

----------

You’re both sitting in the bath Choso has run for you, Choso positioned behind you as he gently lathers your shoulders. You’ll be heading home after this, but Choso wanted to treat you to more relaxation before you left. He also wanted an excuse to spend more time with you because the next time he’d see you would likely be the photoshoot. And as exciting as that was, he had a nagging feeling things would be tense.

“In all seriousness, how are you feeling now?” Choso asks, gently splashing water over your shoulders to rinse the soap off. Your hands swirl the bubbles around in the bath.

“Better. Still a little stressed, but that’s to be expected with everything that goes into prepping for these shoots. Then there’s you and Suguru…”

You cut yourself off.

“What about us?”

“I’m just worried how it’ll go with you both there.”

Choso nods in understanding. He quietly mulls over his thoughts. 

“You and Suguru haven’t really been around each other for long periods of time before. These shoots take hours and I just don’t want things to be weird between you two.”

“Did you have this talk with Suguru, too?” He questions, curiously. He should really be the one you're worried.

You nod, leaning back against Choso’s chest. “Of course. He’s the one I’m most worried about causing a scene…That was why we went to lunch together the other day –  to talk about this. He’s really not good with his emotions, but he promised to behave. Said he’s working on accepting that he’s not my only priority anymore.”

Choso chuckles, placing a light kiss to the back of your neck. “Oh? Who else has your attention? Should I be jealous?”

You laugh lightly. “Please. You don’t strike me as the jealous type.”

‘You don’t know me very well, then,’ Choso thinks.

The fact that Suguru gets even a crumb of your undeserved attention drives Choso insane. You’re a toy to him, something for him to keep in his back pocket when he’s bored and needs something to preoccupy his time. He’s not sure how you don’t see it. You’ve mistaken familiarity and comfort with love. It makes sense after suffering through Suguru’s antics for so long. 

All this time, Choso’s been passive, playing the long game while Suguru makes an ass of himself time and time again, hoping you’ll see him for the piece of shit he is. But nothing changes. Choso watches and waits, just going with the flow until you finally come to your senses and make the right choice – him. But nothing changes.

Choso leans down, burying his nose in your hair before he places a sweet kiss to your temple.

He won’t sit back anymore.

In this moment of relaxation before everything goes to shit, Choso wraps his arms around you and he decides it’s time to fight.

Tags: @eiflawriting @mimiszworld @mighty-luna @re-dd0 @k4zuhasleaf @nekonanamiiii @Sacvh @suguju @watyousayin @nothisispatrick300 @sukunasseventhfinger @mykyoon @athenaholmesher @nobody289x @OUTTHEBASEMENTNAE @alpacapum @cherribxio @gloomiigloom @xocreedvo @ficti0nalslxt @getousbabymama @510hz

[carulenes]

an analysis of wolfwood’s characterization in trigun stampede as well as his connection to vash (+ why i believe he’s likely much older than we think)

okay i’ve been thinking abt this since eps 10 or 11 were released (this show became my special interest the second it dropped if i'm being completely honest) but its been scratching at my brain ever since i read the sakuracon radio interview and since i haven’t seen anyone talking abt this yet i figured i may as well because it’s clear they really did pull very extensively from the manga and i really am loving how they adapted his character. also i occasionally keep seeing the “tristamp wolfwood is a kid/is 14-15” takes which i need to at least try to help put to rest bc they make no sense given his other iterations and would actively make the story worse.

a quick tldr of my main points before i get on my very long winded soapbox:

wolfwood in trigun stampede has been used as an undying, unkillable soldier by the eye of michael for decades.

rollo as a character, as opposed to monev the gale, was designed specifically as a metaphor for wolfwood’s backstory.

wolfwood and vash are written to be literal complements to one another.

I literally don’t think I have the space to talk abt all my thoughts, and ofc these are all my personal thoughts so any and all of what i’m saying could be wrong, but direct analysis of eps 4-7 (as I think they’re the most important) and discussion of his trajectory in general under the cut (obvious spoilers for the show but also the manga as well as tw: discussions of suicide/suicidal ideation as well as the general tw list for the show's graphic content):

Starting first with a side point that Wolfwood was never a child at any point he was with Vash during thecourse of the story, including the manga. He has always been a man in his 20s, with trimax ww having the appearance of being in his 30s or 40s. It is absolutely crucial to his and Vash’s characterizations, as well as their entire dynamic together, that Wolfwood is an adult. Could make an entire separate post about this, but I feel like starting here is important.

Onto the sakuracon japan radio interview. The team gave a LOT of interesting insight into the development of the show, but one specific point stood out to me:

This is important, because I definitely missed it during the show’s initial run, but I think it’s REALLY obvious once you know what you’re looking for, and is a big factor in why I think he’s likely older than we realized.

————

EP 4: These are the very first lines that are said about him in the show, and the very first time we see him, he is absolutely exhausted:

We know that at this point, Wolfwood is likely on his way to Jeneora Rock to meet up with Vash to fulfill his contract...until Vash and co. quite literally slam into him (and his life) unexpectedly, nearly killing him with their van. He probably should’ve died except… he’s on his feet almost instantly, able to walk perfectly fine and being a jackass as though he didn’t get launched halfway across the desert by a moving vehicle. Which is… odd, naturally.

When they try to find help and instead find the dead couple, he specifically mentions that he isn't a priest like he's been in other iterations. He's now an undertaker, someone meant to guide others through their deaths:

His personality is hard to tap down. He's goofy and childish and downright unlikeable, and there's a hint of something lurking deeper, something menacing and potentially dangerous. So much so that Roberto is on edge the entire time their group is together after being swallowed by the Grand Worm, and flat out tells Vash that Wolfwood is untrustworthy and likely an assassin, "a man who can kill with a smile on his face". And Vash’s response is… really fucking weird, given how long the two have known each other:

not to mention he's wearing sunglasses Wolfwood is rightfully very ??? in response because, what the fuck is he talking about, and why is he so genuine about it, they just met???

Fast forward to a bit later, when Wolfwood is like "hey man, you really shouldn't be so trusting. I could've shot you in the back several times now." To which Vash is like "but you didn't, though." And Wolfwood is even more confused because is this guy stupid???

And then it's time for the final act: Wolfwood reveals his Punisher, destroying the Grand Worm while giving the illusion of taking out Zazie as well. Meryl was informed by someone that Wolfwood had been the one to save them all, but when she tries to thank him, he immediately shifts the subject, being annoying and arguably completely unlikeable. Roberto points out that Wolfwood had lied about who he was, trying to get Vash to realize that he still can't be trusted, and again Vash shoots it down: "We're alive because of him."

Wolfwood showed his role as the Punisher without hesitation, and not only was Vash not really phased by it, but he actually seemed to be inspired by him, stopping his self-destructive tendencies and even repeating his own words back to him. And that's the moment we finally learn his name in the show:

But then, almost immediately, we have a complete reversal of his scene with Vash in the Worm. It’s also of note that Zazie always specifically says human lives:

————

EP 5: One of the most important episodes in this discussion, and it starts with the name alone, "Child of Blessing". Here’s a very general summary:

A young boy in a much less than ideal living situation is chosen to be 'a blessing upon the world through his sacrifice', which turns out to secretly be mutilative experimentation on children in search of a subject compatible with a mysterious medicine that can heal any injury. The meds warp him, morph him into something that doesn't even appear to be human. He tries to return home, but his mother, the only family he knows and loves, is terrified of him. She calls him a monster, and the boy finds himself struggling to articulate who he is. Then, he wanders alone alone without purpose in that unchanging altered body, a body that can withstand lethal amounts of damage directly because of the meds, for at least 20 years. All he has is a single name: Vash the Stampede, the person who promised to save him, and the one person who managed to bring back his consciousness in the end, if only for a moment.

The moment Nicholas sees Rollo regenerate is the second the switch flips. He instantly demands to know what the fuck is up with him, and when Vash responds telling him that he was too late to give him the medicine he needed, Wolfwood shuts down, because he recognizes himself. From this moment until the rest of the episode, we are no longer seeing Nicholas D. Wolfwood; we're seeing Nicholas the Punisher.

Vash continues to push Rollo to remember who he is, while Nicholas continuously says that there's no way to save him, that he's already a monster now. In the final moments, Nicholas inevitably feels tasked with Rollo's death like the undertaker he is, and when Vash angrily demands to know why he took the shot, his response is:

When discussing Rollo's killer, Elendira refers to Nicholas by name, but Conrad specifically states that no, he is the Punisher.

In vol 10 of the manga, Vash thinks to himself: “I met a strange man. Just as I thought we had come to an understanding, I found that our core beliefs were opposed to each other. I was used to such situations, but I wonder how he felt.”

————

EP 6: This episode builds directly upon the foundations set by the episode prior. Child of Blessing ended with Rollo being referred to repeatedly as a monster, and this episode begins with Nicholas in the middle of completing a kill. Right before he does, his victim gets one final glance at his assailant, an inhuman looking executioner, and calls him a monster… directly because he will not die. He’s also been shown knocking back meds like tequila shots in tristamp, which we all know was NOT possible in the manga. During the flashback scene, Nicholas is literally called the Child of Blessing.

We see a very similar sequence with Nicholas that we saw with Rollo; the horrific torture, the bodily mutilation (during which Conrad specifically mentions that the drug will heal all damage done the body, as well as rebuild and strengthen the cells), and the attempt to return home:

Something different happens with Nicholas, though. Nicholas can't go home; he’s literally yanked away from his chance at freedom by Legato. Nicholas can’t go home, likely ever again in his mind, because Hopeland Orphanage and the Eye of Michael represent two fundamentally different ideals.

Hopeland (and thus Livio) is exactly like its name for Nicholas: it is is land of hope, the only place in the world where Wolfwood was allowed to exist freely. When Nicholas was taken by EoM, Wolfwood began to die.

The entirety of the EoM is shrouded in imagery of death and rebirth, specifically in regards to humanity. Humanity in this case has a dual meaning: humanity as a species, and humanity as a concept. Their philosophy is that the end justifies the means in that humans in this form will be preserved and would likely live exceedingly longer lives but, as repeatedly mentioned, there are side effects.

Aging and death are integral parts of the human experience, the two aspects of life that we ALL experience regardless of circumstance. Can you be human without humanity?

The message behind these two episodes is to show that the process of becoming part of the EoM is a metaphorical crucifixion symbolizing the death of one’s humanity. And Nicholas is interesting, because he’s almost the perfect specimen in their eyes and is treated as such. Almost. The only thing holding him back are the two strands of humanity he has left, both which are nearly destroyed in the very next episode.

————

EP 7: In the previous episode, during the animated flashback of Nicholas and Livio, we see a few scattered scenes of other people living at the orphanage. Interestingly, while almost all of the children are seen with very sparse detail (or even none really at all), there is one person, the caretaker, whose face we get a pretty clear picture of. At the very beginning of this episode, we have the first and only shot of the inside of the orphanage in the usual style. While none of the children are familiar and actually aren’t incredibly distinguishable from one another, there is one figure in the room with recognizable hair, but looks considerably older than in the flashback:

During the majority of their interactions, you don’t see Nicholas and Livio interacting with any of the other children. They are simply a background, a set piece to the story and a representation of just how other they were forced to become.

This episode features them fighting each other, dealing each other what should be mortal wounds, but somehow remain standing, as though they’re perfectly fine. As if on cue, the soldiers stationed call them both monsters and run away in fear.

But Vash doesn’t run from the danger. He runs towards it.

Nicholas tries to stop him, and all he gets in return is “he’s important to you, isn’t he?” as though that’s enough. But it is enough for Vash. And Nicholas doesn’t know what to do with that.

Nicholas comes dangerously close to giving up, to giving into his role as the Punisher and killing the last bit of Wolfwood to do so, but it’s Vash who stops him. He diverts his shot and, instead of hurting Livio, literally frees Nicholas from Legato and Zazie’s trap. Vash tells him to make him remember, and Nicholas thinks it’s bullshit… until he doesn’t.

And when he finally relents, when he tries to emulate what the silly blonde idiot keeps screaming at him about… It works. For a moment, but Livio does wake up for a moment. Nicholas hadn’t been able to see Rollo, but he did see this. And he really doesn’t know what to do about it.

To drive the point home, Livio drives a bullet into his own head and falls to the ground in a scene very reminiscent of Rollo’s death… but is implied to still be alive. With him saved, now it’s time for Hopeland. And this is when the narrative really turns a focus to the balance between Nicholas and Vash.

The group is half convinced that they’re about to die snd that the town will be destroyed when, all of a sudden, it’s Nicholas who’s yelling that they have to do something. Because despite all the noise Nicholas makes about self-sacrifice and calling Vash a weirdo, he’s directly inspired by his energy, which is proven correct when Vash is the first one to side with him.

Then, somehow despite the odds, the two of them manage to work together to stop the ion cannon. Which should have been impossible. And because of this, Nicholas is finally willing to give Vash the chance to take the lead on things.

When Vash and Wolfwood discuss their plan to save Hopeland, and after they argue about which method is the correct one, the conversation they have is probably the clearest depiction of Nicholas’ inner struggle:

Nicholas: Have it your way. Just for today. I do owe you one… but if the orphanage doesn’t survive this, I’ll hurt you so bad you’ll wish you were dead before I kill you.

Vash: Wolfwood…

Nicholas: Shut up! I’m the Punisher! I’m not like you… I’m Nicholas the Punisher…

He murmurs the last line as though he’s trying to convince himself. He uses his persona as the Punisher almost like a mask, like a cat puffing up and hissing to deter predators. It’s a defense mechanism, and a trauma response. Except.. it still doesn’t work, because the entire time Vash is simply not listening. Regardless of what Nicholas says, Vash does not stop fighting Nicholas on the title that was forced on him by the EoM and, in fact, blatantly rejects it. And the moment Nicholas finishes speaking, when he declares himself to be the Punisher, the episode’s title card finally appears: Wolfwood.

It's a direct representation of this panel of Nicholas' inner monologue from the manga:

——

Nicholas and Vash’s roles as each other’s complements is emphasized very deliberately when the two work to stop the sand steamer from smashing into Hopeland. These screenshots occur one directly after the other:

Another detail the team mentioned often during the interview was attention to use of color. In color theory, blue and orange are complementary colors: hues that are opposite each other on the color wheel but, when used together, come together to create harmony and balance. Additionally, Vash is the character typically associated with warm hues, while Nicholas is paired with colder ones; with the colors flipped, it’s almost as if they are literally mirror images of each other.

The two are in the same position, in the middle of similar actions, both drawing strength from that which makes them “other” in order to work together to protect a common goal. And once again, miraculously, they succeed, able to do together what neither could ever have done together.

This mirror motif is even clearer when comparing these respective scenes from each of their respective backstory episodes:

For Nicholas and Vash, on top of sharing such a crucial common thread in their backstories, often in the show they are seen together, either side by side or back to back. Often they’re shown doing the same thing at the same time, almost as though they’re moving as one. And they consistently save each other over and over again, with Nicholas acting to save Vash physically, and Vash working to protect Nicholas’ psyche. Vash refuses to let anyone continue to see themselves as a monster, as lesser than, in much the same way Nicholas refuses to let anyone else be used as one.

They are a pair, a unit working together to create a force that is stronger than the sum of its parts.

They are both “other”, they are both different, and they both seek to protect the things they love and care about despite the excruciating pain it can put them through.

Nicholas and Vash’s entite dynamic is basically “I don’t understand you, but I recognize you. I recognize myself in you. And somehow, that’s enough for me to trust you.”

————

So with all this in mind, here is how I’ve come to understand Nicholas’ arc throughout tristamp:

When we first meet Nicholas D. Wolfwood we meet a weary man longing for death to save him, longing to be free from the purposelessness of his life but knowing the hope is futile. He works for the Eye of Michael as an assassin against his will and has for God knows how long. Not only is he no longer a priest, but he’s no longer religious at all, having no belief in God at all and a particular disdain for the false promises and hopes of salvation that are portrayed by it. He doesn’t care about the clothes he wears, whether he looks messy, whether it’s suited for the desert, because he literally doesn’t care about anything, really. He has no home, and can never go back to the orphanage— there’s likely no one left there that he knows anyway, and even of there were, they wouldn’t recognize the monster he’s become. Nicholas is tired, he’s angry, he’s potentially depressed. He fights impractically, sometimes leaving himself open to attacks he could probably block with his Punisher, but he just doesn’t care. He’s just here to do his job, which is to escort his piece of shit CEO’s assumedly equally piece of shit brother to him so they can destroy the world together and he can hopefully die off in peace.

Until he actually meets Vash, and he’s… really fucking weird. He’s dumb and naive and acts like he knows Nicholas on some deep level after they’ve just met, but… he’s not a bad guy. Just another crybaby who doesn’t understand the world. He can see the Punisher and not be frightened by it. That means something, means enough that he feels that he can introduce himself now. He still doesn’t know how to handle kindness, so he deflects whenever it’s shown to him, making irreverent jokes and being annoying in order push people away. But then he meets Rollo and has a flashback to himself. He learns that Vash is no stranger to false promises, has sold the same thing to the kid who ended up just like him, and yeah, Vash is no better than the EoM. He talks a big game but doesn’t actually know anything. Nicholas kills Rollo out of mercy because it’s what he wishes could be done to him; every day of living his life is torture.

But then his hometown and childhood best friend are suddenly in danger. He’d completely forgotten what it felt like to have something to lose, to protect. And without planning for it, Vash also becomes something to protect, because even if he doesn’t act like it, Nicholas desperately wants to believe in him. He doesn’t want the EoM to be right. But the feeling of having something to protect is terrifying, because it means you have something to lose. Nicholas gets incredibly stressed out by this, because it’s been so long that he doesn’t even remember what it feels like. But it’s enough to get him, for likely the first time in a very long time, to hope. And it’s Vash who helps him so that he’s able to hang on to that hope for a little while longer.

He still can’t get too excited, because he hasn’t actually finished his job yet. Before he does, though, he sees Vash’s scars (which was a deliberate choice, as in both the manga AND the og anime this scene went to the girls) and wow, if it weren’t for the regenerative properties of the drug, he would likely look the same. He drops Vash off with Knives and knows that Vash will likely be killed, but he’s also expecting to die himself in the fallout, so it doesn’t matter, really. Except for some reason, it does a bit. And then, yet again, Vash miraculously doesn’t die, and in fact changes the game and actually looks like he might stand a chance against Knives, and is clearly willing to die to do it.

And then July is destroyed. But, miraculously, Nicholas isn’t dead. He still finished the contract, but now… now what?

The show began with Nicholas at his lowest, and ends with Vash at his lowest point. And Nicholas owes him one.

————

INCREDIBLY long story short, it really is clear that they weren’t kidding, the team really drew SO MUCH inspiration from the themes trimax it’s unbelievable and I really really think we’re in for something incredible during the second phase. I also think it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.

[everlasting-rainfall]

Hi💖, I have an idea for pages au What if the reader was born much earlier and the story was written at a time when Figarland Garling was still young and like Crocodile was not attached to any character, but he admired MC and decided that he was the only one who deserved her, so he kidnapped her and locked her in a room away from any kind of interaction. With anyone but him and can I get Stockholm Syndrome and maybe a little smut (there's no way I can resist falling in love with him🫠🫠)

Excuse me… Excuse me, dear… I think you dropped something… Here it is! 🥇, it’s your best request that I think I’ve ever received medal! Like this one is one of the best!

Thank you so very much for sending it in as I didn’t ever think that I would ever in a million years get a request for this crescent moon man and would simply have to write my own shit for him, ya know?

But I am so happy that you sent this in, I love this guy! Like I hate his actions but everything else is just 🥵… You get me?

Anyways before I start absolutely just losing myself, let’s get into it! Shall we?

Keep in mind though! MANGA SPOILERS!!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

Celestial Dragon Bullshit, Slavery, Delusions, Kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, Severe Isolation, Impregnation, Pregnancy, MANGA SPOILERS

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

Okay so I’m not entirely sure how Garling would go about getting his hands on one of your books because you know… Technical Celestial Dragon Man with a book from a lowly peasant person? How scandalous!!

But at the end of the day, he seems like someone who doesn’t really give too much of a shit as he doesn’t wear those stupid ass spacesuits or have that dumbass hairstyle so he probably does pick up one of the books at some point

Maybe it’s one day while he’s bored with absolutely nothing to do that he decides to pick up the book, he flips through the pages and although it does help pass the time. It probably bores him even more to be honest

He thinks the love interests are both annoying and the story is okay at most but there is one thing that is keeping him reading and it’s the MC, he didn’t like the MC either at first but he started to like them after a chapter where he saw that they did something that he honestly considered impressive

He kept reading simply for the MC and he steadily began to like them more and more eventually deciding that neither love interest was good enough for the MC and honestly you know how like when you watch a show or play a game, you can’t help but imagine yourself or a character of yours in the story too?

I feel like that’s what he would do like he would start imagining himself in the story when he would read, he would imagine scenes between himself and the MC where they would spend time together until he was considered the only one good enough for them

Eventually though, all good scenarios have to come to an end and he reads the last book finding out that the MC got with the more annoying of the two love interests in the end but not only that, the MC was pregnant too?

This was absolutely unacceptable, they didn’t deserve the MC at all! No one did! No one was good enough for them except for him and a relationship with him was the only thing that he would accept…

Alas though, the MC was simply a fictional character and even he knew that so there was nothing he could do…

Everyone probably was scared shitless of Garling for a few days like bitchass Celestial Dragons were probably scrambling to get out of his way as he’s someone with the power to judge even the Celestial Dragons so him being angry is something that no one wants to be on the receiving end of

However soon enough, his anger comes to an end when he finds a picture while looking at the book covers and this picture just so happens to be of you but you’re dressed up as the MC of your book while giving a happy smile to the camera as the text underneath thanks the buyer of the book for reading the story

Garling could only stare at your face, he was frozen there just standing in front of his bookcase while staring. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t seen it before, you were the MC and the MC did exist in real life because you were them!

He needed to have you… He would have you…

Imagine your shock when about a week later, you got a knock on your door from some men who looked incredibly prestigious and honestly very intimidating like to the point where you just wanted to shut the door and lock it tight

You could probably try but it wouldn’t work and these people would tell you that someone in the holy land is requesting your presence immediately and you should feel honored which was the very last thing that you were feeling

Maybe you tried to request to pack your bags only to attempt an escape out of like a window but you aren’t going anywhere, you’ll get captured and dragged off without any of your things so it’s best to just pack if you ask for that

The entire way there, you’re terrified as you’re likely going to wind up as the slave to some horrible and disgusting celestial dragon that makes you want to puke just by looking at him and these fears probably only get worse the closer you get to your destination

Once you’re finally there, you’re greeted by Figarland Garling who you assume that you’ll become the slave of but instead he tells you that you’re his spouse now and that you should devote yourself to him now that you’re with someone whose truly good enough for you

It’s confusing as all hell because he’s talking like he knows you when you have never met before today but despite that, he takes you back to what is now your home and lets you get settled into your shared bedroom before he tells you that you are never leaving the house ever again and that you are never to interact with a person who isn’t him

I’d say that you try to argue but do you really think that’s a good idea trying to argue with a man like this? I’d suggest simply listening and hoping that he’ll let you go after a while even though he probably won’t

Things aren’t the worst that they could possibly be when living with Garling as he is a bit distant and doesn’t allow anyone to interact with you but at least there’s a lot of things to keep you busy and he does allow you to continue writing

Even when Garling has company over, you aren’t allowed to meet them even if they’re another holy knight or a slave as Garling keeps you locked in a room so no one unworthy (aka anyone that isn’t him) can lay eyes on you

Really truly, Garling would only make an exception to who could see you if you had a medical emergency or required medical attention of any kind but even then they’re on thin ice and better not touch you more than he deems necessary

Seeing as you are still a writer as well, you are allowed to have your books published but there is to be no letters from fans coming in and you aren’t allowed to head out to do things like book signings or meet ups because that would require leaving the house and interacting with other people

You definitely grew to hate this arrangement and tried to plead with Garling to let you leave your home at least once in a while as you want to go outside and just breathe some fresh air away from the home for once

He would of course refuse anything that isn’t going out into the backyard for a bit though and even then, it feels suffocating because of how closely he monitors you during this time

The situation is becoming unbearable for you even when he tells you that this is all for your own good and that he does this because he loves you and wants you to be safe, you can only just cry as the feelings of being trapped weigh on you

This man can likely see the way that it weighs on you and that’s probably when he starts to become more affectionate with you like he starts bringing you things when he leaves for long periods of time and lovingly embraces you in longer kisses whenever he kisses you

He even starts to talk with you more than he used to and often reminds you of just how much he loves and adores you, no one else is good enough for you except him and now that you’re starting to become vulnerable. He’s sure that he can make you see it

As time passes with his new more affectionate behavior, you start to have thoughts. You start to think in the back of your head that this is truly good for you, this life with Garling is the best one that you could live like you still know that this life isn’t the best especially with all the horrible shit that comes with being in the holy land

But some part of you starts to love Garling back even though he’s a dangerous man who kidnapped you and forced you into being his spouse, you start to think that he really is just doing what’s best for you as what’s best for you is being kept only with him

He’s your loving husband and he would never let a single bad thing happen to you after all, how could you ever think about wanting to leave him when he loves you oh so very much? That’s what you think to yourself

Your life is here with Garling now as his loving spouse where you’ll never leave him and you’ll be sure to show him just how much you love him in exchange

When you truly and genuinely kiss him back for the first time with your arms wrapped around his neck, he knows that you’re his and that you’re never leaving him

You don’t even bat an eye when he starts to refer to you by the name of the MC now instead of by your name, your brain rationalizes it to you that your husband loves you so much that he perceives you and the MC of your story that he adores as the same person

Stockholm Syndrome and Delusions have started to set into place for you causing you to start to believe that you are the MC of the story and Garling is the only one who deserves you, the love interests are simply too annoying

And when Garling finally has you, he’ll pin you down on the bed underneath him and listen as you cry out his name in pure pleasure and leave scratches down his back while he thrusts into you

It’s the most beautiful sight that he could ever see, his love writhing underneath him from the pleasure that he’s providing them but not only that. They’re giving themselves completely to him and devoting themselves to him just like he has done for them

There’s simply one last thing that he needs to do to you and he knows exactly what it is as when he finally finishes, he makes sure to do it inside of you

And a few months later when you’re sitting a belly large and full with his baby, he comes up and kisses you deeply before moving you to sit on his lap while he sits on the chair

Not a day goes by where he ever regrets reading those books and when he looks at your face only to see just how absolutely in love with him you are…

He knows for a fact that you don’t regret making them…

[bicheetopuff]

Hi....! Can I ask, who are your top 7 favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon) and your top 10 favorite characters ever from any media? Why do you love them all? Thanks if you want to answer....

Oh wow this is gonna be quite a list…

7) Lightning McQueen and Chick Hicks - specifically the versions of them from the Cars video game that was released following the movie in 2006.

I- idk there was just something about them-

Like, in the movie they barely talked but in the game they kept bickering like an old married couple and teasing each other. There’s one scene where Chick goes “hey Lightning, check this out” and turns his bumper towards him, and Lightning was like “okay? What about it?” And Chick said something like “get used to the view😏” and it just- IT TRIGGERED SOMETHING, OKAY??

6) Langa and Reki - Sk8 the Infinity

Honestly I just really like their dynamic and I just love them as characters. Sk8 was a comfort anime for me for a while so I just really grew to love them. That’s it, no deep explanation, I just love how wholesome they are. I’m gonna go rewatch Sk8 now…

5) Chloe and Max - Life is Strange

This was the first ship I got somewhat invested into. At the time the game came out, I was just a middle schooler struggling with my sexuality and I’d tune in to each of Jacksepticeye’s playthroughs of each of the episodes. After the two of them kissed, I started to read the comments of that video and saw someone say that they were excited to find out whether Max was bisexual or if she just kissed Chloe for fun, blah blah, I don’t remember exactly what it said. Point is, that was the first time bisexuality was presented to me and it was just kind of the beginning of me finding out who I was. Once I realized I was bi, it just evolved into the pipeline of exploring my queerness and finding out the things I like and don’t like. Later I grew to like Chloe and Rachel more, but Chloe and Max did a lot for me and they just have a special place in my heart.

4) Trevor and Michael - GTAV

I have a weird obsession with this game, and playing it over and over again, the more you see how weirdly complicated their relationship is? And it’s so hinted at that Trevor was probably genuinely in love with him at some point from the way he talks about him as if they went through a bad divorce. I mean, the way Trevor reacted was lowkey justifiable, I’d probably be heart broken and feel betrayed too if my partner in crime faked his death. But I see them as toxic but codependent old man yaoi. Anyways…

3) Ruby and Sapphire - Steven Universe

They altered my brain chemistry. I don’t have much other explanation, but they genuinely changed my perception of love. I just remember watching the episode where they explained how they became one through garnet and lived together as her because they loved each other so much and I was bawling my eyes out so bad. I WANT A LOVE LIKE THAT UGHHH I ADORE THEM

2) Tie between Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash, and Nana and Hachi - Nana and My Little Pony

This is kind of a mismatched tie- one is from possibly the most relatable and gut remching piece of media I’ve ever seen, and the other is from a children’s cartoon about magical friendship horses… while that might be the case, they’re equally as important to me.

Nana and Hachi will forever break my heart with how much I related to each of them, especially Hachi. Feeling like your only sense of worth comes from the attention of men, and just letting yourself be treated how you think you’re supposed to be treated because you so badly want to be loved, that you stop caring about how you’re treated in the process. She’s the embodiment of ‘you accept the love you think you deserve’ and she breaks my heart. She deserved to live a life with Nobuo… she deserved to live a life with Nana. Nana wanted to give her the world and Hachi made herself refuse it because she thought she didn’t deserve it UGH DONT TOUCH ME THEY HURT MY SOUL!!

And with AppleDash… idk they just occasionally plague my brain. They remind me a lot of bkdk and I think that’s why I like them so much. Rainbow Dash was my favorite character ever for a really long time and I thought her and Apple Jacks constant rivalry was so cute. I love me some masc4masc lesbians. I think they also partly shaped my sexuality, cuz they helped me realize that it’s okay for me, a genderfluid masc, to like other mascs. I honestly thought I was straight again for a while because I found myself rarely being attracted to fems at a point in time, but getting back into the mlp fandom helped me somehow.

1) Katsuki and Izuku - My Hero Academia

We already know how I feel about them, and I actually got another ask asking how i feel about them in detail so I’ll link that here when I post my response.

Now for my favorite characters! This’ll be less weird:

10) Mabel Pines - Gravity Falls - she literally just reminds me of me when I was a kid and embodies the “I don’t wanna grow up yet” sentiment. I was trick or treating until I was like 14, and it was the last time anyone ever agreed to go with me so I just related to her a lot as a teenager. All she wanted was just a little more time to be herself without judgment. She’s so silly /affectionate

9) Amethyst - Steven Universe - another silly character I just kind of relate to. She just wanted to feel like she belonged and she was never able to until Steven came along. But despite not feeling welcome for so long, she still kept her fun, boisterous personality and laughed all of the time.

8) Armin - Attack on Titan - I honestly don’t know why but I adored him since his introduction. Like a puppy that I just met but would die for if someone threatened him. I always thought it was kind of unhinged that he was able to be so hopeful and kind all of the time despite the trauma, and his dynamic with Eren was just funny to me. “Eren look! The ocean! See?! The ocean! Let’s go see it together! :D” only for Eren to be like “yeah but everyone across it wants us dead” and just kind of ruined the beauty of the ocean for himself. I appreciate that he took him “sight seeing” in the end and didn’t ruin it with his emoness. Idk I’ve just always liked smart characters who so obviously mask their true emotions out of fear of burdening other people. He’s basically Deku but with a fuckass blond bob.

7) Hachi - Nana - I think this is just turning into a trend of my favorite characters just being really relatable to me. All she ever wanted was to be loved and to make whoever gave her love, happiness in return. It didn’t matter how fucked up the person who loved her was, she’d still fall in love with them because they convinced her that they loved her. After so many emotionally abusive experiences, her idea of love just became set in stone, so she just kept ending up with the same guy over and over again, and the one time she almost accepted the love she truly deserved, it went down in flames cuz of another emotionally abusive man. And I think the most tragic part about that is that it happened after she got a taste of what genuine love was really like and she was never able to savor it. I like her, cuz her character just feels so human and I feel like a lot of women and queer people can relate to her experiences.

I feel bad for putting her so low, but honestly the next six characters are practically tied.

6) AntMan - MCU - HE HAS QUESTIONABLE MORALS BUT HES A GOOD DAD, OKAY?!

5) Loki - MCU - I love morally grey characters. I totally understand him tbh. All he wanted was to be on equal footing with his brother, because everyone praised Thor their whole lives and automatically just assumed he’d be the next ruler of Asgard, and completely undermined Loki. The only person in the universe who remotely gave a fuck about him, was his mother, and he got her killed by mistake. The last person he was sure actually cared about him.

He was fucked in the head from thousands of years of neglectful parenting and everyone just underestimating him, and Thanos took advantage of that vulnerability. He said “yeah if you do my dirty work for me, I’ll let you have just a smidgen of authority,” and Loki took the opportunity because it was the first chance he was given to be something more than just Thor’s brother and Odin’s adopted son. Odin only took him in to say he was kind enough to do so, he couldn’t care less about him, and that’s why his ass got dropped off at a nursing home.

But also after the Loki series, it just made me fall in love with his character even more. It proves that he never wanted to destroy any planet or universe, he never wanted unlimited power, he just wanted to be viewed as someone important. He just wanted to find his glorious purpose. He’s an egotistical God who was neglected by his parents, which caused him to stray off the path a bit, and everyone believed that’s all he’ll ever be… hm who does that remind you of?

4) Deadpool - does he count as MCU now? Whatever. Marvel - I honestly don’t know why I latched onto Deadpool so hard as a teenager. He’s really a tragic character who hides behind vulgarity. I loved coming to understand him, and his humor makes him more lovable. How I feel about him is similar to how I feel about Armin. He’s like a puppy I want to protect from anything bad happening to him again. He doesn’t deserve what happened to him, and he literally only agreed to go through the forced mutation process, because he didn’t want Vanessa to go through losing someone to cancer by herself. He knew she had no one else, so that was him doing whatever it took to still be there for her, but what the process did to his body just made him feel unlovable, so he ended up making her go through that loss anyway.

He’s definitely an asshole, but what do you expect? He was an assassin for most of his life. He’s an asshole with feelings and I adore him.

3) Rainbow Dash - My little Pony - she worked hard to be the best at what she does. She was told she couldn’t do something and proved them wrong, which created a red string situation between her and the mane six, making all of them get their cutie marks at the same time. She’s loud, confident, funny, hella competitive, and gay… I think I definitely have a type when it comes to favorite characters. And I think she’s the one who set my standard.

2) Izuku Midoriya - like I said before, we already know this. But I have another ask in my inbox asking for why I like him and Katsuki in detail and I don’t feel like typing that all out twice in one day so I’ll just link that post here when I post it. Just know that I love him, and he plagued my brain.

1) Katsuki Bakugou - same as Deku’s. I’ll link the other post at the bottom of this one once I answer it.

That’s all for now though!!

Edit: here’s the bkdk response!! x

[makeste]

update part two: THE SPOILERING

~*~THIS POST IS ENTIRELY ABOUT BNHA MANGA SPOILERS.~*~ IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP WITH THE CURRENT EVENTS OF THE BNHA MANGA, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST. I do have a separate "hey guys I'm back" update post here which is spoiler-free!

THIS POST, THOUGH, IS NOT SPOILER-FREE. IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILER-FREE. IT EXISTS SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSING THE BIGGEST, MOST SPOILERLY SPOILERS EVER. IF THAT IS NOT YOUR DESIRE, PLEASE PROCEED AWAY FROM THIS POST WITH ALL HASTE.

I am, however, assuming that something like 90% of this blog's readership does, in fact, know exactly what this post is about, which is why we are going to TALK ABOUT IT right here and right now underneath this tidy read-more.

okay, so! gonna stick with the random imaginary Q&A format from my other post just to make things easier.

1. "wow makeste, way to randomly go on spoiler lockdown hiatus for NINE WHOLE MONTHS only to MAGNIFICENTLY DROP THE BALL by running smack dab into THE BIGGEST BNHA SPOILER OF ALL TIME."

I know right??

2. "so what do you have to say for yourself."

short version: I made the critical tactical error of existing as a human being in the general vicinity of the internet in early August 2022. very poor move on my part. rookie mistake.

long version: so there I was, minding my own business, watching the trailer for BnHA season 6, as one does. when out of nowhere, YouTube's algorithm decided to be all "OH? THIS PERSON LIKES MY HERO ACADEMIA? BOY DO I HAVE A RECOMMENDATION FOR THEM." next thing I know, I'm scrolling through my YT home page and ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S A DETAILED PICTURE OF MY SON'S MANGLED BLOODY CORPSE, RIGHT NEXT TO AN ALL-CAPS DESCRIPTION READING -- I SHIT YOU NOT -- "BAKUGOU REALLY JUST DIED!!! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

seriously though. that is word-for-word verbatim what it said. the internet literally got right up in my face and said "OHOHO!! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FORGOT TO DELETE LITERALLY ONE SINGLE MHA-RELATED VIDEO FROM THEIR WATCH HISTORY! TIME TO DESTROY HALF A YEAR'S WORTH OF PAINSTAKINGLY DILIGENT SPOILER AVOIDANCE IN ONE EARTH-SHATTERING BLOW!" and just like that, my miraculous fate-tempting seven month spoiler-free streak came to an end. the sequel to blah blah SIXQUIRKS. something something BAKUGOU DIED. JUST THOUGHT WE'D SHARE THAT LITTLE UPDATE WITH YOU. HAVE A GOOD ONE, AND DRIVE SAFE!

so naturally my first reaction was basically just. looooooool :) :) :) what the fuck.

here I am. a working mom. who left her seventeen-year-old fictional son in the care of a 36-year-old Japanese man for the better part of a year because HE SAID he would take good care of him. Jump Festa 2022!! quote unquote!! "I’ve said this to Okamoto [Nobuhiko]-kun in LINE, but Katsuki will be having his greatest scene in the manga in future developments. I hope people who like Katsuki and hate Katsuki will look forward to it." bruh. we have the receipts right here! "greatest scene," he said! oh, goody, I said! something to look forward to when I finally have the time to catch up! "yes," Horikoshi smiles evilly. "something to look forward to, indeed." this fucking guy. can you even believe.

and just to be clear, when I say that I was otherwise 100% not-spoiled up until this point, I mean it. one hundred percent. I had absolutely ZERO knowledge of anything past chapter 339. the last I saw of Bakugou, he was hanging out with the rest his class showing off his cool new moves to Deku and being blindsided by Aoyama's betrayal and stuff. then bam. seven months later, fate mails me a postcard of him lying on the ground with a bloody hole in his chest. like WOW, OKAY. ZERO CHILL. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN THE ONE TIME I DECIDE TO GO ON HIATUS FOR TWO HUNDRED DAYS, SMDH.

anyway so that's my story.

3. "so exactly how spoiled are you?"

lol I'm not even sure. I guess my best answer would be, "SOMEWHAT?"

or, if you don't mind reading more words, I can tell you exactly how spoiled I am by summarizing the Things That I Do Know in a bullet list.

THINGS THAT I KNOW

all of this apparently takes place between chapters 359 and 362, with 362 being the big "oh he DEAD dead" chapter. I think. based on all the fics that have since cropped up on AO3 with ominous chapter 362 spoiler tags.

I am pretty sure Bakugou was fighting either Tomura or AFO when it happened.

I have this vague idea that somehow his heart exploded or something?? like I don't really know the details, but that's what I've been able to glean.

apparently Jeanist and Edgeshot were involved in some sort of effort to save him?? but apparently that didn't work out too well I guess. OR DID IT? I actually do not know.

I have the vague impression Edgeshot may have also died, somehow, as a result of those heroic efforts. OR DID HE? again, I actually do not know at all. this is basically the knowledge equivalent of me overhearing half of a phone conversation between two people who were trying to recollect half of a phone conversation that they in turn overheard, several months earlier.

lastly, I know that Bakugou was apparently carrying around his All Might trading card from waaaay back in his chapter 118 flashbacks, in his pocket or something. because he's a giant fanboy nerd. who wanted All Might to sign it. but was too shy to ask I guess. "WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS SENSITIVE SIDE OF HIM COMING?? BAKUGOU CARES ABOUT THINGS??? HE REALLY DID LOOK UP TO ALL MIGHT JUST AS MUCH AS DEKU THE ENTIRE TIME??? WHAT A DEVASTATING REVEAL?!?" is how we were supposed to react to this, I'm guessing, lol. but I'll have you know that SOME of us have already written approximately 1200 essays on how much of a secretly sensitive All Might weeb Bakugou is, and so WERE ACTUALLY NOT SURPRISED AT ALL! yeah that's right! TAKE THAT HORIKOSHI. TRYING TO CATCH ME OFF GUARD AND MAKE ME CRY. WELL YOU WASTED YOUR GODDAMN TIME, because I would have cried anyway! and I did cry! and I will cry again!

anyway so yeah. and I think the card got blown up and/or otherwise destroyed somehow, just to add insult to injury. which, don't tell anyone, but between you and me, I'm not sure what he expected. "let me just take my precious limited edition All Might trading card, my most prized possession, along with me into the intense final battle with the final villain. for good luck or whatever. there's no way this could possibly end badly." did he even bother to put it in a zipper pocket. wtf were you thinking Katsuki. again I do not actually have the slightest idea since I have not actually read this chapter lol.

anyway! so that's everything I know! and let me just add to that a quick summary of things which I in turn do NOT know, the short version of which is: Literally Everything Other Than What I Just Typed Above. including but not limited to:

whether Bakugou actually was fighting Tomura, or AFO, or both. ??

who was fighting with him (except that for some reason or another Deku wasn't there, because I guess he fucked off to go do something else?? you and I fell into the exact same trap there, Deku. "surely Kacchan will be fine and dandy for the next five minutes or hours or days or however long while I go take care of this Other Important Business." yeah, you would think so, wouldn't you? BUT WE LEARNED OUR LESSON, DIDN'T WE.)

what Deku’s reaction was (but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say: PISSED)

literally anything else about the context of this fight, including where, when, and why it took place.

literally everything else that has happened in the manga since chapter 339. for real you guys. I just have to stress again how utterly out of the blue this was for me. to read this spoiler completely without context. WHAT HAVE THESE CHILDREN BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST NINE MONTHS. I'm terrified to learn the answers lol.

anyways but moving on now to the most important section of this post, starting with the one question which I think is by far the most pressing and important, and which I can thankfully answer with a single sentence.

4. "so... do you think he actually is dead?"

no lol.

but since you insist, here is my list of Reasons Why I Don't Think Bakugou Is Actually Dead, based on my nonexistent knowledge of the events of the past 40 chapters, and the actual context and details of his death. and I guarantee there is not a single point here which has not already been discussed to death on thousands of other blogs, but dammit I've been stuck without an outlet for all these thoughts since August, so the hell with it:

so for starters, in my experience, characters whose older selves narrate the story From The Future ("in that moment, there were no thoughts in my head... my body just moved on its own") tend to be pretty immune from dying, overall. just throwing that out there.

from day one, the series has made it very clear that this is the story of how Izuku becomes "the greatest hero" (more recently retconned/updated to become a pluralized "this is the story of how we ALL became the greatest heroes").

also from day one, Katsuki's narrative arc has been set up as a (first contrasting, and then later evolving to be more complementary) parallel to Izuku's, down to them having the same goal.

as the series has progressed, that concept of "becoming the greatest hero" has been further defined as "becoming a hero who always wins no matter what, and always saves everyone no matter what."

Katsuki in particular has expanded on this idea to emphasize that the greatest heroes are the ones who save EVERYONE, no matter what. "I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we're taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don't settle for anything less!" and more recently, "because to live up to those ideals and surpass All Might... we gotta save you, the civilians at U.A., and the people on the streets. because saving people is how we win."

therefore, any victory in which either Katsuki or Izuku dies in order to defeat AFO is not a perfect victory, and will not result in them becoming the greatest heroes.

this is also a flagship Shounen Jump manga and the spiritual successor to the Big Three, meaning this would basically be the equivalent of killing off Sasuke or Zoro or Rukia. a.k.a. not gonna happen ever lol.

on top of that, it's also Horikoshi's tribute to Western comics, particularly those produced by Marvel, a.k.a. the guys who practically invented the No One Ever Stays Dead trope.

and last (actually not last but this really is getting too long) but not least, the number one reason why Katsuki cannot and will not actually die: because AFO does not get to win. seriously. he just doesn't. he got to kill All Might's important person and be all smug and cruel about it. he killed Nana's family and was all smug and cruel about it. he's tormented generations of heroes by deliberately targeting the people they love most. and so even without me knowing the actual context or circumstances of Katsuki's supposed "death", I have no doubt that's why it happened, because that's what AFO does. and that's who Deku loves. and so of course AFO would try it, yet again. that's his fucking modus operandi

but, because he is the final villain, we know he is going to lose in the end. and so this, imo, is the biggest and simplest reason why Katsuki isn't dead: because if he is actually dead, then AFO wins. even if he himself dies in the end. he gets to go down knowing that he took a part of the hero with him. he gets to hold on to that one last triumph. even though he loses, he keeps the hero from winning and saving, and he gets to savor that.

so, since we know that he's NOT going to win, because this is a "good guys win" type of story and not an "evil prevails, sorry, it's called REAL LIFE, bitches, enjoy your tears" type of story, that means that Katsuki is not actually dead. or will not stay dead. either way. period.

anyway so yeah! that's basically the gist, though by no means are these all of my comprehensive thoughts, and I can safely promise you many more rants to come, especially as I prepare to take on the challenge of reading through 39 new BnHA chapters with the foreknowledge of my son's untimely not-death looming in the back of my mind the whole time! looking forward to that! both ironically and unironically! should be interesting to say the least lol.

so on that note, one final q&a before we conclude:

5. "is it cool to discuss other manga spoilers with you?"

I would prefer not to, mainly in the hopes of trying to preserve as much of the "pure" unspoiled liveblog experience as possible, both for myself and for anyone else who cares to actually read said liveblogs. I do already feel bad for depriving people of the experience of watching me naively frolic my way through the upcoming arc(s) all BLISSFULLY UNAWARES lol. instead you'll have to settle for watching me timidly cry my way through while yelling at every single character who blindly tempts fate with their stupid foreshadowing comments. and don't even try to tell me there won't be foreshadowing comments. I know what type of story I'm reading. and more importantly, I know exactly the type of person who's writing it. ~*~gReAtEsT sCeNe~*~. you son of a bitch. THIS ISN'T OVER, HORIKOSHI.

anyway, so basically I would prefer to be as spoiler-free as possible, same as always. but I also no longer have the time or frankly the will to police every potential spoiler out there, so at the end of the day I'm pretty much just going to leave it up to you guys! also because I figure that at this point, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN lol. (but for real there's probably a ton of important stuff that could easily be ruined still, so yeah if you don't mind let's just try to steer clear of all that lol.)

[pikapeppa]

Fic writers' end-of-year roundup: 2022 edition!

It’s that time of year, writer friends — time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate, but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @kittynomsdeplume @little-lightning-lavellan, @varric-tethras-editor @lavendreapark @hobo-apostate @ranaspkillnarieth @iamcayc @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul @hollyand-writes @elveny @johaerys-writes @charlatron @noire-pandora @hellas-himself @crackinglamb @barbex @mogwaei @alyssalenko @musetta3 @iarollane @about2dance @mythicaitt @cthu-boo !

Words written (published or not, WIPs included!): 1 012 607. I was hoping to crack a million this year and I FINALLY DID IT. 😂

Smut scenes: 41! Less than other years, but not the least.  

New things I tried:

I wrote fanfic for anime for the first time this year — for Samurai Champloo (Fuu/Jin/Mugen) and for Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (David/Lucy). On a related note, this year was the first time I wrote for a form of media that I didn’t originally watch in English. I was always a little scared to write in English for something that I hadn’t watched in English, because capturing characters’ voices and speech patterns is so important to me, and it’s hard to translate that across languages. But CPER got me by the throat, so I watched it in both Japanese and English so I could capture the characters’ voices as best as I could. I watched Samurai Champloo dubbed in English, though, and I am a sucker for Jin’s English voice, so that was a snap to write. 😂

For the first time, I also wrote for a game that I’ve never played before: Far Cry 5! @schoute got me reeled in with her raving loving descriptions of cheeky shithead John Seed, and I was compelled to write some smut for her. I had a blast watching a playthrough of FC5 with her (LOVE YOU BB ❤), and writing from John Seed’s POV was A MINDFUCK AND A HALF, let’s just say. GOOD TIMES. 😂

Fic I spent the most time on: 

Becoming Whole (Aloy/Kotallo), which has been my main focus since March and is more than 500k words now. I genuinely did not expect or intend for this fic to be this long! I’ll blame the party banter for this. My outline will say “GAIA Gang chat over dinner”, and this single note will translate into 10k words in the chapter 😂💀 In any case, VERY honoured by everyone who has stuck with this extremely long fic!

Fic I spent the least time on:

The Wisdom In A Bowl Of Pudding (Felassan/Tamaris Lavellan). I was inspired by the news about the DA:D milestone and got so excited that this oneshot came together in… one day, I think? One or two. I JUST LOVE FELASSAN OKAY.

Favourite thing I wrote: 

It’s a tie between two fics. I loved writing Finding Something In Common (Aloy/Nil/Drakka) because a) writing Nil again after 5 years of being “away” was like coming home 😭❤ and b) I fucking love Drakka with a burning passion LOL. But I also loved writing my Samurai Champloo fic Just Hold On, We’re Coming Home because it was purely and entirely for me. There are so few fics for that anime and even fewer explicit fics for the OT3, so I knew that basically nobody was going to read it and that anyone who did would be really grateful to see a rare fic for the OT3, but I had to write it because I just had the urge and couldn’t rest until I did. It was a gift to myself to kick off the year. 😂

Favourite thing I read: 

I’ve actually done some actual reading this year!!! Both of fics and published books, because I wanted to start working my way through my bedside tsundoku, with mixed results: I read a couple of books from my tsundoku pile but then bought the entire Sailor Moon manga set and have only read 6 issues so far 😂😭💀 one step forward, 10 STEPS BACK. 

Anyway! Fave fics of the year:

I read a few fics for Samurai Champloo. As I mentioned before, there aren’t many fics for this fandom, but one of the fics I read was both the shortest and the most drop-dead gorgeous fic I’ve ever read: Bodies of Water by moemachina. I genuinely envy this writer for their ability to pack so much emotional punch into so many words. 

Where The Time Goes, a Chloe Fraser/Nadine Ross fic by @contrivedchaos. OH MY GOD WAS IT EVER LOVELY. Cat used a repeated phrase/theme throughout the fic that just had me on the edge of my seat the whole time, and MY GOD was the ending ever wonderful and satisfying. 😭❤

Written In The Stars, a Kotallo/OC fic by @iamcayc WHICH IS SUCH A TREAT. Caycee has created a wonderful OC to pair up with Kotallo and expanded on Tenakth lore in a way that had me squealing!

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network by Discar. It’s a texting fic between the GAIA Gang and it’s SO GOOD. Hilarious, great characterization of the crew, incredible expansion on the worldstate and lore. I stopped reading halfway through because I was afraid that I’d start accidentally stealing their headcanons/lore expansion since it just makes so much sense, but I just recently noticed that the fic finished, so I might get back into it soon!

Writing goals for next year: 

Oh man there are so many things I want to write and so little time and I’M SO MAD ABOUT IT.

Finish Becoming Whole. Now that we know the DLC is coming out in April, I am DETERMINED to finish BW before then so my slate can be clear for new fics ideas 🤩

An Aloy/Avad sequel to Window Bird. The conversation that Aloy and Avad have at the start of HFW makes MY ENTIRE HEART HURT. I will stubbornly maintain that Avad is the most tragic character alive in the Horizon universe, and I’m going to give him some love because he deserves it, the poor sweet man.

More Aloy/Drakka. This entire fic has been my treat to myself, and the next oneshot is in progress -- probably the first thing I'll publish in 2023!

Aloy/Nil. I fucking love Nil to the moon and back, but writing this ship again is going to take some mindfuckery because I’ll be rebooting my take on the ship as though Stormbirds and Stalkers didn’t happen 😅

I’m sure this won’t be all; I always end up getting blindsided by a desire to write something I didn’t expect (e.g. Cyberpunk this year), so we’ll see what else comes up as the year progresses! 

Can't wait to see what everyone else has been up to!!! Please tag anyone you think would like to participate, and tag me back so I can spy on what you've been up to as well! 🥰

-- love from your friendly Pikapeppa xoxo

[osarina]

Hellooo!!

So um this is my first ask ever so I’m a bit unsure bout things but I’m just gonna babble haha

I first found you through ao3 when only the first chapter of badlands was released and immediately got hooked, the writing was so good and I was soo ready for future chapters and then I saw the line “always end in tragedy.”

…😳 what did I get myself into?!! Haha but it ended happy!? I was like huh wasn’t this a doomed romance, but it ended pretty well and then unreal unearth came out and- oh I see what you meant now. Badlands whispered sweet nothings into my ear and push me gently into satin silks only for Unreal Unearth to German suplex me into the bed of nails that was hidden under the silks all along (BUT IN A GOOD WAY, in a good way??) The wasabi to the cake was finding out in UU that Badlands actually had a sad ending post credit, …OH THEY DOOMED DOOMED (THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO BEING MARRIED djshdkek 😭😭😭)

I reallly love fanfic writers like cause reading their works just remind me of the affections i felt for the characters and the series like how to I say this hahah like i first watched bsd a few years ago when i started getting into anime and i just found this series on Netflix and was like oh this looks interesting. They only had season 1 and afterwards I got into the series for a while as i really like the concept of detectives with superpowers haha but my interest was kinda basic like I wasn’t in deep, my only knowledge was s1, didn’t even read the manga haha, and just read some fanfics, and than after a while i moved on to other series.

But earlier this year when i was looking through my bookmarks and i came across this old bsd fanfic, it was just a oneshot so i was like lemme reread it why not and THAT basically change everything haha, reading it just remind me of why i loved these characters and the adventures they had and I sorta re-fell in love with bsd again and wanted to go rewatched the series and actually go read the manga haha and found out oh they have 5 seasons now, a parody manga , light novels? , stage plays??! and even a ACTUAL CANON AU ( oh beast, why beast🥹) like there’s so much content haha like there’s 5 different manga ??!! Like I left bsd when it was just goofy detectives adventures only to return to a vampire apocalypse and world ending fidget spinner??!! and I also realised that all the characters are named after actual authors and their abilities are after their works like that is soo coool, it’s kinda weird but cool which is kinda what bsd, weird in a fun way? Haha

Lowkey the reason why I watched some anime is cause I’ve read some fanfic with no knowledge of the actual canon and was like this fanfic was so goood let me go check out the source material hahha, me finding anime recommendations through fanfic✌️hahha like it wasn’t the anime or manga that brought me into the fandom but someone’s godamn incredible fic, haha and i think your fanfics is like that, like if I didn’t know about bsd before, after reading your works, I’ll be ready to jump right in no question asked ma’am. Mann I thought I already love this character as much as I could but after reading your fanfics , apparently falling harder is something I’m capable of haha like I feel a bit embarrassed writing all of this but I really looveee your works they are just so goood, reading each new series you have just sorta makes me refall in love with dazai again and again, even if I get hurt by the angst I just can’t help but go back haha

Do you have any advice for writing? 👉👈 cause I’ve been thinking about writing my own fanfics, got some oc ideas in my notes but never really gotten around on that haha so would you have advice for a first timer 🙏🙏🙏

Also I’ve been wondering since PM!reader has ability what about waterloo!reader , i don’t know whether you mentioned it before but what kinda ability did she have, if that’s okay to asked im just been real curious on that

ALSO ALSO ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

I hope you have a wonderful time!! All the well wishes for you 🎉🎉🎉🎉

so that about it’s, sorry for the long tangent haha

Thank you for sharing your masterpieces haha, I look forward to your future works 😊😊😊

also…dazai is so pretty sigh 😮‍💨

OMGGGG TUMBLR USER CHERERRRY WELCOME TO MY BLOG IM GIVING U THE BIGGEST AND WARMEST HUG

HAHAHAHAHHHH YOUR DESCRIPTION OF WATERLOO HAS ME DYING "badlands whispered sweet nothings into my ear to push me into satin silks only for uu to german suplex me into the bed of nails hidden underneath the silks" KDJFIOUAHDFASUIFHSDF IM ACTUALLY DECEASED THIS IS SO FUNNY AND THEN THE WASABI TO THE CAKE HAS ME CACKLING HAHAHAHH I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD APOLOGIZE BUT I CAN'T STOP GIGGLING

OMG u and me are truly the same - i love going to read works in fandoms ive never been in to see if i can find something to lure me into finally reading the manga/watching the anime. miss river has truly tempted me with some of her genshin fics but i fear i can only handle a single gacha at once. im desperately waiting for rylie to write for one piece because ive been teetering on starting it but i need something to push me over the edge because its just sooo long HAHAHAH

and omg i have to note because i was actually just thinking about how much i missed early seasons bsd before ... but it TRULY has changed so much, like i have so much nostalgia for the earlier seasons i miss when bsd was just about silly little detectives solving silly cases </333 get these vampires and godmen out of here pretty pls </333 no jk, im actually enjoying the plot (which seems to be an unpopular opnion in the fandom HAHAH) but i am excited to see where asagiri takes it. the 1 month wait time between chapters is killing me

BUT PLSSSS YOU'RE SO SWEET <333 im so glad i can help you refall in love with mister bungo stray dogs, he truly deserves all of the love in the world. every time someone comes into my ask box telling me that i've like changed their view on his character or made them fall even harder it makes me so happy HAHAHH

omg i made a post a while back that i'll link here for you!! i hope it can help at all!!

AHHHHH okay!! so waterloo reader in uu & badlands canon does NOT have an ability, she is truly a civilian. but in the last chapter of uu, dazai alludes to there being universes out there where she somehow ended up with the port mafia when he ended up elsewhere (ada, civilian, government) and in those universes, she DID develop an ability. i haven't fleshed it out yet, but whether or not her ability manifests is triggered by an event that happens with her brother (iceman) when she's like 13/14 ish

AND DON'T APOLOGIZE <3333 i adore long asks thank you so much

[makedonsgriva]

Hi again @makedonsgriva . If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 7 favorite ships (can be canon or non canon) from any media? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this questions before and if I ask too much.....

Hi @dnana-2809-blog !!! Thank you for the ask. I don’t mind answering your questions at all and you are always welcome to send more asks in my inbox ^_^

Top 7 favorite media (in no particular order)

1. Attack On Titan

I can never ever move on from this story. The plot twists??? The characters??? Zero fan service and filler episodes and being just straight to the point??? And the PLOT!?! HELLO??? THE PLOT IS SO GODDAMN GOOD????

Attack on Titan is truly a fantastic story about war, humanity, sacrifice and above all, love. On the surface level, it seems like every other shonen anime out there but its depth is truly incomparable. No media I’ve watched comes close to it.

2. Captive Prince Trilogy

I think I read this series for the first time back in 2018-19 and it absolutely rocked my world??? I reread it almost every year now because holy shit??? I’ve never read a better enemies to forced allies to friends to lovers to divorced but forced allies to lovers to im gonna die for this man???

Also the plot??? CS Pacat knew how hard they cooked and ate with Captive Prince. The world building, the characters, the plot twists, politics, the drama??? I M M A C U L A T E.

I highly recommend it to everyone who has not read it but please check the trigger warnings for this trilogy before you start.

(Pls let me know the artist yall so I can edit this and credit the artist!)

3. Carry On Trilogy

I don’t think I’ve ever been as emotionally attached to a series as I’ve been to Carry On. Like Simon, Baz and Penny were exactly who I needed as an awkward teen dealing with a lot of bs. I saw this trilogy being completed in front of my eyes. I can’t tell you how healing and rewarding it was for me to read Any Way The Wind Blows. 2020 was the most horrific, heartbreaking nightmare for me and I think a part of me healed when I read AWTWB in 2021. When I saw that Simon and Baz were going to be okay, I understood that I would okay too. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it would happen.

Sorry I think I got too personal but I just have so much love for this series and the way it showed healing and love and friendship. It’s so special to me ❤️

4. Tian Guan Ci Fu

A very recent addition but I just know it’s going to be one of those series I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving. I’m such a sucker for stories that are, at the end of the day, about love. About knowing how vicious and shitty this world is but being kind is what makes all the difference. About learning from past mistakes and about making a future, no matter how late that future comes.

It also gave me Xie Lian. You guys don’t understand just how much I love Xie Lian. I can go to war for that man, okay. I can follow him through hell. I will protect that man with my life.

5. The Good Place

It’s been a while since I watched this show but I do remember just how deeply it impacted me and permanently altered my brain chemistry.

The characters were all so unique and coming from such different backgrounds and with really interesting backstories. The growth we witnessed for them over the four seasons was phenomenal. Especially for Eleanor. And Michael. God I fucking love Michael.

Everything about this show was top notch. I think I will need to make a whole separate post talking about the philosophy of this show. I think this is one of those shows that everyone needs to watch at least once in their life.

6. Fleabag

Fleabag will always be superior. The main character is one of my all time favorites and I think it tells a really great, bittersweet story of coming to terms with your own flaws. It’s a story about life but not the entirety of it because we just get to witness a very small portion of Fleabag’s life. Her mistakes are colossal but her life is too big to be defined by it. Yes she is a raging cunt but yes I love her to death and her story too. The humour, the fourth wall breaking, the emotions… all of it make fleabag the amazing show it is.

7. Yuri On Ice

My first anime ever. The feelings it gave me is incomparable to any other. News of its movie cancellation was beyond devastating.

(As I type it out, the theme song is playing in my head..)

I can’t begin to emphasise just how important this anime is for queer representation in mainstream anime because while this anime is about ice skating, yes, above all it’s about love. How it makes us better, how it brings out the best version of ourselves, how it sustains and pushes us forward. And that love just so happens to be between two men. It’s just so heartwarming.

It was so so important for me as a young queer person still struggling with their identity and wanting to fit in. Yuri On Ice was so important for me and still is.

(Fuck I miss Yuri and Viktor)

As this post has already got too long, I will answer your ship question in a separate post! I will make sure to tag you when I do :)

[youkaigakkou-tl]

What do you think makes this series so good/fun to read?

AHA YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD

(using a readmore bc its 1k words)

I think a manga has to do 2 things well, mainly. To grab your attention so you start reading it, and to keep your attention so you don’t drop it, and come back every month/week/whatever for it.

I actually started reading Yohaji because I saw it in a bookstore and the art, characters and premise caught my eye. While the “student transfers to a wacky school” scenario has been done to death (though I do enjoy it), I’ve never actually seen the teacher version of it done. I think I’ve started appreciating it more as I’ve grown up and grown out of “14 year old swordboy saves the world” plots, it’s just as fun to see an adult MC and adult characters having fun.

And speaking of characters, I think Haruaki is the perfect character, in general. His design is clean. Simple. To the point. I think a good indicator of a good character design is how easy you can shorthand it, how many details you can take away and still have it be recognizable. You put a ahoge on a distressed circle and that’s him.

My favorite phenomenon is the fact that on any book website, the first volume is always rated the worst. The biggest criticism I see of the manga, and of Haruaki specifically, is his sailor uniform fetish and “I can’t stand to watch him get bullied”. The second one is a common attitude problem I see of people going into comedy media, of taking things too seriously. Of course different genres of media have to be enjoyed with different metrics, you don’t go into Looney Tunes expecting high literature, and “sucks that Wile E Coyote got an anvil dropped on him”, said no one ever. “You’re supposed to laugh” is the most cringe thing to say about a joke, but I think some people ought to have a wider collection of lenses to look at media through.

I have thought about the sailor uniform fetish thing long and hard. The knee jerk reaction is “fetish is a strong word” and “he doesn’t need that character trait” but those are COWARD THOUGHTS! The more I think about it, the more I think it’s a genius move. First of all, it grounds him. In another more serious series, his combination of character traits (smart, athletic, has exorcism powers, reincarnation of Abe no Seimei) would be pretty scary, but his patheticness and his sailor uniform fetish grounds him firmly in the comedy genre. It’s also a good setup for jokes, and punchline to other jokes. Also, it gives him a reason to use his powers and do all the other weird shit without the story getting too serious.

Second of all, it acts as the great filter. Too many manga have your turn-off way too late into the story, whereas Yohaji has it in the synopsis, and if you don’t read that, on page two of chapter 1. It sets the tone, and you’re immediately confronted with the decision of “am I okay with this”. And if it’s not a turn-off, it’s almost certain you’re the target audience and are going to enjoy it. It’s almost like a thesis statement, “if you like this thing you’ll like the rest of it”.

The progression of the story is good too, while it starts with the tried and true “ahh the students are youkai so scary”, it’s actually a good thing, since it grounds the reader and gives a point of reference to jump off from. And as someone who reads other manga, and has seen fiction before, you probably get used to it pretty quickly, and the story does as well, and by the end of volume 1 it’s no longer doing the “youkai so scary” thing. (Chin up, Seimei-kun! There’s more things to be scared of in the world!)

The 25 students of class 2-3 are also handled super well. It’s a daunting number going into it, but most of them get a focus chapter early on, as well as earlier chapters being focused on the core group of Sano, Mame, Hijita and Beniko to ease you into the world. Even the ones that don’t get focus chapters show up in the background and interact enough that even if you’re bad with names, you can at least remember a trait or schtick of theirs. (See: the amount of times I’ve heard “oh yeah the merman” or “oh yeah the toilet paper”)

As a comedy manga, Yohaji gets to pull my all-time favorite trick: “Ohhhh there’s plot”. This is something I realised watching chainsawman analyses, which is “openly showing emotion is cringe”. This is true of basically everything, casual conversation with your friends, a song that hits too close to home, a story that sees you like a specimen under a microscope to pick apart; instinctively, many people show aversion to this, after all, isn’t it terrible to be seen so thoroughly by something other than yourself?

The great trick of comedy, is its ability to let your guard down to things like that. Unlike sadness or outrage, also exploitable and addictive emotions, joy is positive, and there’s no reason to pull yourself away. Comedy also typically doesn’t take itself as seriously, so when there IS an emotional moment, you’re vulnerable and it hits you full force. Basically it’s like this:

And now, the most important thing that Yohaji does well IMO, is each chapter’s structure. With monthly manga, a huge problem is by the next month you’ve forgotten what the previous chapter was about. (This is a problem I personally have with a lot of the Jump SQ monthly mangas, that shit just keeps escalating and I don’t know what’s going on anymore and I’m just along for the ride) This isn’t even usually a problem with Yohaji, since most chapters are standalones anyway (or 2 parters) but we’ve gotten to see how it handles this with Renren arc and Kyoto arc, and I have to say, really well!

Each chapter sets up its own minor conflict and resolves it by the end, while also setting up a vague direction for the next chapter. And the first 1 or 2 pages of each chapter has enough information to remind you what happened previously. This self-contained conflict-resolution makes each chapter a lot more memorable and satisfying, as well as being more effective for establishing new information for the rest of the arc to act on. (See: the common complaint on monthly manga chapters of “what? that’s all that happened this month??”, which is what happens, I find, when you keep escalating and escalating without ever resolving anything)

Well. All that said, the simplest answer to “what makes this fun to read” could probably be boiled down to clear panelling and clean character designs. Without those nobody will stick around to see what else the manga has to offer. Ultimately, it’s a matter of personal taste, and I think it’s better to have a specific target audience than casting the net wide, and it just happens you find out if you’re that target audience by page 2 of chapter 1.

[dropintomanga]

This Manga Is For Anyone Who Struggles So Hard With Dating

I got to read Meiko Hiranishi’s The Girl That Can’t Get a Girlfriend and I will say that this was one of the validating manga I’ve ever read and one of the very few manga works that really describes the various emotions that comes with being in love. While this is a story about queer romance at its core, the themes are relatable to everyone. 

The manga is an autobiographical memoir of the mangaka’s experience with her first love. Meiko describes herself as a butch lesbian otaku with a crippling lack of self-worth. The manga goes through Meiko’s struggles to find a girlfriend until one summer in her college years, she goes to Japan and meets a love interest named Ash. They begin to date much to Meiko’s happiness. However, their relationship lasted only a month due to a misunderstanding over their potential long-term future together. Meiko goes through 4 years of depression over Ash and the manga chronicles all the pain she felt during that time in hilarious and depressing fashion.

Meiko talks about how Ash validated her despite the two being very different (i.e. Ash was more femme than butch). She found that refreshing as no one really paid attention to her until Ash came along. I can’t help but think about the 1st person I ever really loved. The two of us spent so much together for years as friends, but the way we acted was more than just friends at times. When Meiko said that she wanted to treasure her time with Ash, I felt the same with the person I crushed on. There’s a part where Meiko sees that Ash was too special and that she felt that no one else would compare and I just cried because I felt the same with my first love.

When that relationship ended, I was trying hard to move on, but it was difficult. I talked about this in length and how we made up. But I never opened up my feelings about her. I eventually did confess and well, they weren’t returned.

Meiko desperately tries to get Ash back into her life, only to find out that she got herself a new partner. Meiko then thinks back with a lot of hatred over things that Ash said and did with a smiling face. She couldn’t fathom that the Ash that moved on completely was the same Ash that told her that she loved her. Right now, I’m processing over what my old friend/love said to me in the past. She was very flirty at the time and even implied something more than just flirting. There was also a time when she told me that she wished we were neighbors, so that we could hang out forever. I felt that she was leading me on. And like Meiko, I wondered why would someone do that if their intention was never to get in a romantic relationship with me in the 1st place. I do think that my love was a bit too one-sided though and Meiko saw that too in her desire to be with Ash.

What’s scary was seeing Meiko try to do her best in life in order to impress Ash again when the time comes. However, all of that was for naught when Meiko notices Ash was single again and tries to hit her up to no response. Meiko tries dating men in order to find a replacement, but nothing serious ever materializes. She says that once you have a taste of love, you try hard to get it because of how good it feels. Such truer words have never been spoken. Of course, as Meiko would explain, being stuck on your ex gets in the way. I think it’s easier to feel miserable at times with regards to love because when you only know instability in your life, it becomes all too comfortable. 

The end of the manga is pretty good as Meiko discovers self-compassion after going through a serious health issue. She becomes more likable, finds healthy relationships, takes care of herself better and is realizing her dream of being a manga artist. Meiko doesn’t have a girlfriend and her current life now probably has no room for one, but it’s okay. I think if you’re going to get something out of Meiko’s experiences - it’s that self-compassion really helps wonders. Even though I’m still processing a lot years later, I remember that when I was with the person I loved, I hated myself so much. The separation helped me grow up quite a bit and I don’t get so hard on myself compared to back then. As of right now, I’m giving myself permission to like someone new (if the right person comes along) because I believe I do matter.

Dating does suck. But as Meiko will probably tell you, just because you can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband doesn’t mean that you can’t live a life filled with other relationships that make it worth living for yourself.

[flashlights-coming-down-the-way]

i’ve had this thought rotting in my brain ever since mitski dropped The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We so im gonna dump it onto tumblr but first of all

SPOILER WARNING FOR LAND OF THE LUSTROUS / HOUSEKI NO KUNI !!!! PLEASE READ THE MANGA <3

also i would like to add a second warning that this post may not make a lot of sense grammatically :3 currently am not lucid enough to make a lot of sense :3

i think that the song When Memories Snow can describe a lot of phos’ character arcs and their progression eerily well like if you were to make a phos animatic to this song it would line up so perfectly

okay first of all i would like to point out the general connection between this song and the gems. i have not analysed mitski’s song by itself, and so i dont know what she intended behind When Memories Snow, so maybe the “memories” could straight up be a metaphor for something and not actual memories but thats not what we’re gonna talk about rn !! we know that the gem’s memories are stored in the physical gem pieces themselves, so if they lose a body part they lose parts of their memories. phos has their whole thing with losing their body parts (and effectively their memories) and becoming a completely different person and all that good stuff

oki now the lyrics :3

“when memories snow // and cover up the driveway // i shovel all those memories // clear the path to drive to the store”

this gives me the vibes of post-winter phos after theyve lost antarc. the first two lines really remind me of whenever phos would just have random hallucinations of antarc’s death over and over again in the anime and the other two lines remind me of how they would basically have to just ignore the hallucinations and keep going on with their life. i would also like to add that while i do think that HNK is an amazing story and that the anime adaptation is honestly so perfect, i also think that there isnt a lot of focus on the fact that phos should not be able to remember jackshit ??? yknow ??? the way that canonical phos just keeps going on with life just kind of fits well with how nonchalant the line “clear the path to drive to the store” feels to me

“and when memories melt // i hear them in the drainpipe // drippin through the downspout // as i lie awake in the dark”

okay so i originally sent a bunch of my interpretations to a friend and i said that this part really fits with phos’ trauma with losing antarc. the way that these lines are phrased gives the vibes of when its late at night and youre tired but the clock is ticking too loudly and you just cant sleep. but now reading these lines again, i feel like it resonates more with how, once again, phos has lost like so many memories they cannot remember jackshit anymore. their memories have melted, but theyre still lingering and they still cling onto phos. a good example of this would be when phos wakes all the other gems up at the end of their hibernation and phos forgets who cinnabar is for a moment, the same cinnabar that was phos’ whole motivation for the first half of season 1. also the “as i lie awake in the dark” basically describes how phos refused to sleep during the second half of the season

ok verse 2 !!

“and if i break // could i go on break?

THIS IS THE MOST PHOSPHOPHYLLITE CODED LINE OF THE ENTIRE SONG !!! to me at least :3 not only does this line apply to them in a literal sense, with phos being the second weakest gem and them breaking a crazy amount of times throughout the whole series, “breaking” also applies to them in a mental sense. i get two different images when i think of this line, the first one being that one scene in the anime (and manga too? maybe? idk its been a while :() where phos is thinking about kongo and the lunarians and everything and they start cracking and their alloy just explodes out of them. i think thats the closest to a mental breakdown a gem has ever experienced at that point. the second image i get is when,,, phos becomes like,,, yk phos’ shattered / monster form whatever you call it,,, thats what i think of

“be back in my room // writing speeches in my head”

i think this goes back all the way to pre-trauma phos. “writing speeches in my head” could represent their encyclopaedia job?? but i think its a better metaphor for their want to join in with the other gems in fighting the lunarians. part of them knows it’ll never happen, so they resort to daydreaming about what it would be like

“listenin’ to the thousand hands // that clap for me in the dark”

connecting with my last point, they want the feeling of accomplishment and the general coolness of being able to fight and they want the praise from kongo and the other gems.

also this image doesnt connect very well, but i think of the god-like phos form when i think of these last two lines. this is the only time in the series where everyone finally has to depend on phos for once, and phos isnt deemed as ‘useless’ or a problem. of course the context is super tragic but idk just a thought

okay phos and mitski rant over !!!

[douwatahima]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

thank you @thermoskind for tagging me!

three four ships: look, i tried to narrow this down to three but i thought of these four and got sad at the thought of not including them all so y'all are getting an extra one.

doumeki/watanuki/himawari (xxxholic) - MY BABIES WHO I LITERALLY NAMED MYSELF AFTER!!! listen, my son watanuki deserves to have a stoic but protective boyfriend and a sunshiney girlfriend who hug him lots and help him see he's worth loving. AND my daughter himawari deserves to be loved without fear of accidentally doing harm. AND my son doumeki deserves to be with the people he cares about despite the fact that they're both self sacrificing as fuck. this is the trio of my dreams and i will love them until i die.

satoshi/daisuke (dn angel) - so like...this ship is from a manga that a) isn't popular and b) i would not recommend despite the fact that it had a vice grip on me as a fourteen year old. that being said these two anime boys are truly THE BLUEPRINT against which i compared all other ships for YEARS. like, there was a time where how much i loved a ship could be directly correlated to how much they reminded me of satoshi and daisuke. they were IT. and this ship truly gave us everything! the romeo and juliet parallels of them coming from feuding families!!! the enemies to friends (to lovers in my heart) of it all!!! they are THEE fire and ice ship!!! THEE sunshine one and stoic one!!! literally never talk to me about the canonical dn angel ending i want to believe in my imagined ending where they were allowed to be in love.

nico/karolina (runaways) - this is specifically about the comic book version but the tv show version is also good! i remember reading the first few comics series like...a decade ago and OHHHH MAN these two messy girls really got me. i remember reading the first conversation that implied karolina was a lesbian and becoming the living embodiment of this emoji 👀. and then nico's whole mess of a sexuality crisis after karolina leaves? poetic cinema if i've ever seen it. i spent so many years holding a torch for these two that when they actually got together in the comics in 2018 i legit bawled my eyes out. i read the words "i'm not confused anymore, karrie. i'm not scared. i know what i want" and i DIED. their first kiss has been the background on my phone for nearly five years. they are my everything i am soooo serious.

ed/stede (ofmd) - OH YOU KNOW THE GAY PIRATES HAD TO BE HERE. when i say they rewired my brain that is in no way and exaggeration. i can vividly recall scrolling through tumblr and seeing how much people were talking about this show and thinking "okay but is it really gay or is this just another tumblr thing?" LIKE. I HAD NO IDEA. staying up until two a.m. to watch episodes 9 and 10 and feeling every human emotion all at once is a moment i will never recreate. i could've done anything that night. i could've fought god and won. it's ten months later and i still think about these two every fucking day. i truly can't wait to see more of them. david jenkins thank you for my life.

first ever ship:

arnold/helga (hey arnold) - i was like...seven and didn't know what fandom was yet but i watched every episode with baited breath waiting for these two to get together lmao. the romeo and juliet episode is burned into my brain for all time. when the jungle movie came out and they finally got together after OVER A DECADE of waiting i literally went out and bought a cake to celebrate.

last song:

grace kelly by felix hagan & the family - what can i say? this song is a bop!

last film:

glass onion - listen, i would watch benoit blanc solve murders for another fifty movies and never get bored. also janelle monae i am free on thursday if you are also free on thursday and want to meet up on thursday when i am free.

currently reading:

i'm between books at the moment but the one i most recently finished was lost boy by christina henry. it was genuinely the most five out of ten book i've ever read. like...not bad by any means but so meh i have no words.

my plan is to read the magicians by lev grossman next because i miss those characters more than i can say but like hell am i gonna watch the show again after...all that. i heard the books are worse soooooo we'll see how far i get.

currently watching:

the mayfair witches - i recently watched the first two episodes and i really enjoyed them! i've never read the books so everything is new and exciting to me. i'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!

currently consuming:

a caramilk bar. ❤

currently craving:

the ofmd season 2 trailer. please djenks i need to see ed again my crops are dying.

tagging:

i feel like most of the people i would tag have already done this so instead i'm gonna do a cop out and say if you're reading this consider yourself tagged!

[larkawolfgirl]

Bi-Timing

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, F/M, Multi Fandoms: カノジョも彼女 | Kanojo mo Kanojo | Girlfriend Girlfriend (Anime)カノジョも彼女 | Kanojo mo Kanojo | Girlfriend Girlfriend (Manga) Relationships: Kiryuu Shino/Minase Nagisa/Mukai Naoya/Saki Saki, Minase Nagisa/Saki Saki, Kiryuu Shino/Saki Saki, Minase Nagisa/Mukai Naoya, Kiryuu Shino/Mukai Naoya, Mukai Naoya/Saki Saki

Summary: Saki finally realizes that she has been bi the entire time.

Read on ao3

Saki’s heart pounded. She took in several breaths, trying to calm down but it didn’t work. She was so worked up, it was crazy. She felt more excited watching Naoya kiss his other two girlfriends than she had felt while kissing him. They were so lewd. The deep flush to each of the girls’ cheeks, the wanton expressions on their faces, the way their round breasts pushed into Naoya’s body.

Saki had noticed signs, but she hadn’t wanted to pay attention to them. When Nagisa first started dating Naoya, Saki couldn’t have hated her even if she tried. The girl tried so hard and wanted the best for everyone around her. She was the perfect housewife in every sense of the word. Saki had joked that she wanted to marry her, but beneath the joke was a very real desire. Life was more comfortable and enjoyable in her presence. As much as jealousy swirled in her stomach, Saki would hate to lose Nagisa.

When she had watched Naoya and Nagisa kiss before, she had felt excitement, but she had chalked it up to the thrill of getting caught watching. She had thought she must be into voyeurism. But now that she was watching out in the open, she realized that she was enthralled by the sight of them together.

She wanted them both happy, and she enjoyed seeing it. She also enjoyed seeing the lewdness.

Guess she really was a pervert all along.

She could deal with that. What was harder to deal with was that she was more interested in watching Nagisa than Naoya.

Then there was Shino. The girl had been her best friend for such a long time. Of course, she loved her. She had known this for a long time, but she hadn’t ever thought she’d be looking at her this way . Her mind had started getting messed up after learning just how lewd Shino really was. Normally, she was so quiet and reserved, but when it came to Naoya, she charged forward, taking what she wanted while she could get it.

Saki’s fist curled, determined to follow her lead. “You said I could two-time too if I wanted, right?”

The three of them stopped kissing to look her way. She ducked her head a bit under their gazes. “I wanna try dating Shino and Nagisa-chan too…”

All three of them reacted in surprise. Naoya simply widened his eyes, but the two girls exclaimed in confusion.

“Wait, Saki…” Shino said uncertainly.

Saki’s excitement dissipated into jitters. “I know it’s weird, okay? But I think that I’m actually…bisexual.”

Naoya grinned. “I knew it!”

Saki blinked. “You did?”

“Do you realize how often you stare at Nagisa’s boobs?”

“I do not!” she protested even as she realized it was true. “They’re so big. They’re just out there, you know?”

He leaned forward. “Right? They are just begging to be looked at.”

“Uh…” Nagisa moved her arm over her chest in response to their conversation. “I suppose I’m flattered, but…It’s still embarrassing.” She fidgeted.

“So cute!” Saki exclaimed aloud what she would have previously only thought silently.

“Right!” Naoya cried louder than necessary.

Nagisa looked from one to the other, fidgeting even more. “I don’t know if I like being caught between you two.” She bit her lip. “Or, maybe I would…”

Saki’s brow twitched. “Does that mean you are too?”

Nagisa looked up through long lashes. “I think so…I’ve always really liked you, Saki. I, uh, don’t think I’d mind kissing you.”

To her surprise, that confession was enough to nearly make Saki start salivating. What was she, a dog? She was about to start moving toward the other girl to fulfill the invitation when Shino finally spoke up.

“Saki,” she began in a hushed tone, “I don’t know how to react. You’re my best friend in the whole world. You mean everything to mean. You mean so much that I was willing to give up on Naoya just so that you could be happy. But I’ve never thought of myself as attracted to girls before. I don’t know if I can reciprocate your feelings the way you want me to.”

Saki smiled and reached for Shino’s hand. Her friend let her hold her hand, smiling softly back.

“I get it, Shino. I know I’m asking for a lot. You matter so much to me, so I’m not about to ruin our relationship by pushing things. But, would you be willing to try exploring it? Maybe just holding hands like this?” Saki squeezed her hand. Even that simple touch felt really nice.

Shino bit her lip before pushing herself forward so that she was hugging her. Caught off guard, it took Saki a moment before she wrapped her arms around her. “Of course. This is nice,” Shino admitted.

Saki nodded. It was. Shino smelled like coconut and shea butter.

Nagisa clapped her hands. “I’m so happy for you two.”

Naoya put an arm around her, tucking her into his side. Nagisa leaned her head on his shoulder. They looked really cute.

Saki smiled. For the first time since they began this crazy relationship coaster, everything felt perfectly right.

[worldenough-and-time]

ten books

Thanks @spindrifters for the tag!

(In no particular order)

1. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (no surprise given my handle, but this is maybe my favorite book ever. I reread it last year to confirm, and yes it still is the best, and I made the mistake of reading the ending while away for the weekend at a friend’s wedding and I cried my fucking eyes out and then I did just a little bit of psilocybin and sang country songs with my friends and had a long talk with my other friend about our creative aspirations and then I was seriously ill for about a week after that, which may or may not have had anything to do with the choices I’d made the previous evening. Anyway, it’s just a great love story. I’m a simple girl.)

2. Beautiful World, Where Are You By Sally Rooney (Everyone has the Sally Rooney book that feels like she read their fucking diary and this one is mine. No, I won’t tell you which parts. But I will tell you that I think the Wedding Chapter in this book is maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. I’m not exaggerating. I slept with this book next to my bed for weeks and finally to break my attachment to it and read something else, I gave it to my friend who hates Sally Rooney to read on her way to London. She did hate it- couldn’t even get past the phone sex scene, which honestly if you don’t think that’s one of the most romantic things you’ve ever read, I really don’t know how to help you. How could you not love this book??! It’s half emails!)

3. The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater (I know this is a series but idc, if I could only pick one it’d be The Dream Thieves but all these books are the Books of My Heart. I reread them pretty much every year. Look, sometimes you’re in college and for the first time in your life you have Guy Friends, and you are a little bit in love with all of them, even though you are all young fucking idiots, and it feels like a revelation for some reason. Anyone? No? Just me? Well, Maggie Stiefvater wrote a book series about that experience so now I don’t have to.)

4. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (This book feels like falling in love. All my favorite books feel like falling in love.)

5. Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (This is really a catch all for the whole series but I’m a Harrowhark bitch through and through, also this book literally rewired my brain such that I could only write in second person for like two months. I think Tamsyn Muir is a mad genius.)

6. Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki (Might be recency bias but I just finished one and really really loved it!)

7. The Host, Stephanie Meyer (I know this is such a weird pick and I could just… not, BUT I unironically love this book. I read it in high school I’ve reread it several times since, it’s kind of a comfort book? Idk how to explain it, but cringe is dead so here we are.)

8. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (look, you either love JG or you don’t, but I love his writing so much and this book came out my senior year of high school and I carried it around with me in my backpack for months and whenever I would feel sad I would reread it in the middle of class and Mel and I tried to adapt it into a piece for our HS speech team and I can still recite quotes from it and it still means a lot to me.)

9. Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya (okay I know this is a manga series and it’s technically 23 books, but Furuba is my Bible, and any list without it would be wrong. I read it for the first time at 12 and I reread it every couple of years and every time I come away with something new. Also I think the original TokyoPop translation is far superior to the Viz editions and it makes me sad that they’re harder to find these days. The 2019 anime adaptation is beautiful but again, I think the TokyoPop translation is better than the anime subs. This series fucking raised me. That is all.)

10. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (look LOOK, it might be the great American novel, okay? It feels so stupid to have it on this list, like, Sam, people fucking know The Great Gatsby is good, we all had to read it for school. Idk man. I love Fitzgerald, truly the saddest sad sack there ever was. His wife was infinitely cooler than him. But God damn could that man write a sentence.)