#it’s so heart warming i’m like yeah maybe everything isn’t so bad maybe we can all make it with little moments like this

[ickypuppi3]

one of my favourite things is when you look up a recipe and the person who posted it has a little thing talking about their life and why they love this specific thing like maybe their grandma used to make it when they were a kid or something i don’t know i just love to read it and it makes me feel kinda alright about the world for a moment

[mooooonnnzz]

if you go, i’ll stay // neteyam x gn!reader

💙 neteyam has to say goodbye to the person he loves

1k words

i literally pooped this one out rn

readers gender is not specified

would u classify this as angst??

could be read as platonic or romantic

neteyam smooches u but not on the lips so it can be taken as platonic??

yeah its angst its not too sad tho i think

also thanks for the support on my last post!! you all are too sweet ❤️ got me giggling and kicking my feet

You held your legs to your chest, letting your head rest on your knees. You had your back upon a large tree, the bark scratching your soft skin. Usually, you would hiss from the pain but you were too tired to care, the pain in your back couldn’t compare to how much your heart was hurting. The bright sun that would normally gleam down on your skin and warm your soul was nowhere in sight. Instead, a murky gray cloud took the sun's place. Your body shivered and you held yourself closer to bring back the warmth you would usually feel. “Oh, Eywa..” You whispered under your breath, fingers digging into the skin of your calves. “Why have you burdened me with such strong emotions?” You close your eyes, in hopes of drifting off to sleep. Hoping that when you wake up, you’re back home, swaying back and forth in your snonivi. Neteyam laying down right next to you, sleeping peacefully and everything that you heard not too long ago was a lie. That Neteyam and his family weren’t leaving for good. But when you opened your eyes you were still in the same spot with the same feeling that weighed heavily on your heart. This time though, Neteyam was standing right beside you. His expression is unreadable but you know well enough he’s feeling the same way you are. Upset and everything above else, sad. He lowered himself down and sat next to you. Your ears cast downwards as your tail wrapped around you protectively, the end of your tail brushing your ankle. You never liked people seeing you so vulnerable and so little, even Neteyam who’s been at your side ever since you were little.

“I’m sorry.” That was the first thing he said. You didn’t respond. He had nothing to apologize for, it wasn’t his fault that they were moving to a whole other place, a place far far away from here. When you were younger, you couldn't imagine a life without Neteyam stuck to your hip, it was mentally impossible to think of something like that. You hoped and prayed to Eywa that you and Neteyam would never be driven apart, that you and him will stick together through thick and thin. Maybe you didn’t truly put your heart into it because here you are, looking at him for what could be the last time ever. Your worst fear came true. You were in so much despair, you have never felt so worthless and fearful before. “You don’t have to apologize, Neteyam.” You spoke up, voice so small and feeble. “It isn’t your fault.” You watched how Neteyam threw his head back against the tree, a loud devastating sigh escaping his mouth. He then looked over to you and frowned, ears drooping down a bit. “When you look at me like that, it feels like I have done something to hurt you.” He says, fingertips gently brushing against the petals of a flower. “You have done nothing.” Your eyes glisten with tears and you rapidly blink your eyes. The last thing you would want to do is cry in front of Neteyam.

“Do you remember how we met?” Neteyam suddenly asks, tail swaying playfully at the mention of fond memory. “Yeah, I was climbing one of the trees when I slipped and fell on you.” You remember the way you gasped when you realized you fell on top of someone and not on something. You were screeching out apologies while you helped Neteyam up. “You broke my hand.” He laughed, looking at his left hand, the hand you broke by accident. “I wasn’t able to use my bow for a while.” He said. “I remember being more upset over that than you.” You felt so bad for breaking Neteyam’s hand that every day you would visit him, checking up on how he was doing and how well his hand was healing up. Neteyam always told you that you didn’t have to come every day but the frequent checkups became more of an excuse to see him. He caught onto it when his hand was fully healed and you still came over to see him. Ever since then, you and him were inseparable.

“I’m going to miss you.” You uncurled your legs from your chest and scooted closer to Neteyam, letting your head rest on his broad shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you by my side.” You admit. Neteyam has become such a significant person in your life that a day without him ruins your mood instantly. How will you manage without seeing him at all after this? “You’ll await my return.” He grabs your hand and holds it, his body turning so he could fully face you. “Wait for me.” He whispered, hands moving to cup your face. His thumb caressing the apples of your cheeks, eyes looking at you so softly you swear you could melt right then and there. “If you promise to come back to me, I’ll be right here, waiting for you.”

Neteyam smiled and pulled you in for a hug. You didn’t know how much you needed a hug until now. His arms wrapped around your torso, pulling you in closer to his chest. You let yourself relish the moment, your head burying into his neck as you allowed yourself to silently cry. You were going to miss him so much, miss his hugs, his smile, his laugh. Everything. There wouldn't be a day that goes by where you won’t be missing him. He separated from the hug and sorrowfully smiled at you, tears of his own escaping his beautiful eyes. He held your face in his hands and you leaned into the touch. “I see you.” He kissed the tears that were on your cheeks. “I see you.” 

“Neteyam!” His ears perked up, a defeated sigh left him. His mother was calling out for him. He pressed his lips against your forehead and cheek. “Wait for me, please.” With one last hug, you and him said your final goodbyes and separated.

You did what he told you to do and waited for his return. But he never did return and you were left waiting for someone who was never going to come back.

i usually dont have a lot of inspo but omg my brain is swimming with ideas and im jus shitting them out honestly gotta write them out b4 they leave yk?? anyways hope u liked this one or not. hope i didnt write neteyam too ooc here 🙏 if you also want to be tagged in any new fic i make, u can comment that u wanna be tagged and i’ll tag u in the next post <33

[lecl3rcw]

𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 | Prologue

Authors note: Hi guys! This is a mini series and my first one at that so I’m a lil scared😀 but I really hope you like this story because I’ve been planning it out for a while now😭 but yes this story will contain angst, and like a lot of fluff:) but yeah I hope everyone will like it💕

This is a prologue!!! A lil chapter on the sister’s dynamic and the exposition!!

____________________________________________

The Parisian sky roared as gentle raindrops started to fall against her apartment window. The girl was in her painting studio, where she spends most of her time anyways. Her headphones blasting her favorite song as her shaky hand outlined the last of her painting. As she was about to finish, the ringing of the bell startled her, she groaned as she took her headphones off and went to open the door. When she did tho, she was met with her two older sisters, one carrying the bags of groceries and the other carrying a toddler.

“Oh sorry guys, how long were you out here” she says feeling a little bad. “Don’t worry Y/N, not for long” Her oldest sister Adriana says placing the toddler on the ground as she gives her sister a soft smile, to which she reciprocates.

“What were you doing anyway?” Her middle sister, Julianna asks, “I was just finishing up the last of my painting before my flight tomorrow” she says as she bends down to the toddler’s level, squeezing her in a tight hug as her heart warms at the giggle her niece lets out.

“How are you feeling? I mean leaving so abruptly” Adriana asks putting last of the groceries away, “I feel good, I just need a change of scenery, I don’t think I can live here after everything that has happened” Y/N replies, standing up and going back into her studio. An uncomfortable silence fell upon the two older siblings.

“Julie, I’m really worried about her, she’s not processing anything correctly, she’s refusing to go the therapist, and now she’s moving to a whole new country, where she knows no one, I really don’t think we should let her go” Adriana mumbles anxiously.

“Ada listen, I don’t want her to go either but she’s not a baby anymore, she’s 19 and she’s very responsible, and it’s not like she’s going on vacation, she’s going to study and holding her back from her passion isn’t helping, plus i can go visit her when the Spanish grandprix happens, we have to trust her, she wants to move on with the whole situation with mom and we have to respect that” Julie says rubbing her sister’s shoulder.

The three girls had lost their father at a pretty young age, however the loss of their mother was still very recent. Almost like the ghost of her still haunts them three, everything about her, they miss it all. They stood there silently, uneasy and clenching their heavy hearts.

Once Y/N finished her painting, a genuine smile came across her face. Painting was a passion that she picked up from her mother, that’s how Y/N wanted to keep her memory alive.

y/n.hirose

liked by julie_hirose, adriann.a, alexandrasaintmleux and 48,000 others

y/n.hirose a recent painting dump 🫶🏻

Comments

julie_hirose Si talentueux💕 (so talented)

^y/n.hirose 😚💕

elainejohansen ugh my best friend is too perfect😔

^y/n.hirose I miss you Lainey🥲💕

alexandrasaintmleux je l'aime tellement😍 (i love it so much)

^y/n.hirose merci mon amour😘 (Thankyou my love)

julieslefttoe her hiatus has ended y’all🤭

charlessssluvrrrr her and Alexandra interacting is genuinely my favorite thing ever🥰

y/nhiroseswardrobe Y/N please post more pics with your incredible outfits🥹

adrianstoofine she’s such a W

Scrolling through her Instagram comments made her feel a litttle happy, with Julianna being so famous, it wasn’t odd to see all her fans being so nice to her. Her peace got interrupted by Julie calling her name.

“You called my name?” Y/N says stepping out of the room, “Well, since you’re leaving, we’d thought that maybe we could make something together and just watch a movie” Adriana speaks, a smile adorning her face, “Princess and the Pauper!!” Adriana’s toddler, Suzette speaks up excitedly clapping her hands, “Well if Suzu wants to watch Barbie, then Barbie it is” Julianna says lifting the little girl up causing her to let out a squeal.

adriann.a posted a story

seen by charles_leclerc, y.n.hirose, julie_hirose , and 70,000 others

The rest of the night was spent well, jokes were traded, all the food Y/N had made was conquered. Adriana had gone to sleep as Suzu had started to get cranky, leaving just Julie and Y/N. As the two girls were tyding up, Julie said what had been on her mind.

“Y/N listen, I just wanted to say that I’m so proud of the person that you have become you’re so grown and independent and I could never be more proud to call you my younger sister. I just want to say that no matter where you are in the world, me or Adriana? I’m only one call away and don’t be afraid because this is a big step in your life and we’re here to support you through it no matter how much it hurts us and I know that it’s gonna be hard but mom would’ve been so proud of you. We all are.” Julie says cleaning the kitchen counter.

“Julie!? Did my food poisoning you? because why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden” Y/N says dramatically checking Julie’s temperatire warning her a shove. “ this is the last time I’m being supportive of you that one time I decide to be nice and you take advantage of that, so is the last time so live in the moment” she says rolling her eyes, “Thankyou Julie, I love you” Y/N says hugging the taller girl tightly, “I love you too sis, now you have a flight at the crack of dawn tomorrow, so don’t worry about cleaning I got it, just go get some sleep alright?” Julie says pushing Y/N into her room, “Goodnight Julie” she mutters, earning her response.

Once she was done with her skincare, she slipped on her silk pajama as she laid in bed overthinking her decision, is this the right decision, am I doing the right thing, what is this is a mistake?

She groans into her pillow as sleep overtakes her body, with many things she wasn’t sure about, there was one thing she was sure about and that was “Madrid, here I come” she says before sleep finally overtakes her body.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol.8 Mukami Yuma Animate Tokuten CD

Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol. 8 無神アズサ アニメイト 各巻購入特典ドラ

Source: Diabolik Lovers Para-Selene Vol. 8 Animate Tokuten CD

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: This is one of those tracks where you get diabetes just from listening to it because Azusa is just such a cutie patootie. It was super adorable to see him get a little more assertive as well because he got jealous of the MC thinking of his brothers while they are out on a date, lol. Honestly, this boy needs to be protected. 

“It’s the first time...we’ve come to the amusement park to view the Christmas lights, isn’t it? Both the trees...and the buildings...are twinkling...It’s amazing...”

You note how it’s very pretty. 

“Mmh. I honestly...didn’t think it would be this pretty. Hey, Eve...Check that out. ...The lights over there...change color...It’s rather romantic...don’t you agree...?”

You mention how it’s a shame the others aren’t there to see it as well. 

“Eve...I thought we were out on a date together today...Yet you’ve got the other guys on your mind...?”

You ask him what he said.

“No...It’s nothing...Hey, Eve. Why don’t we go a bit further that way...?”

You nod.

“It’d be bad...if we were to get separated in the crowd so...So let’s hold hands...?”

*Rustle*

“Fufu...Just follow my lead, okay...?”

*TIMESKIP*

“There aren’t...any people over here...Even though you’ve got a great overview of the lights from here...I guess it’s a secret hotspot...?”

*Rustle*

“Ah! There’s a bench over there...Let’s sit down, Eve.”

The two of you take a seat.

“Say...Can I scoot...a little closer?”

You nod.

“Thanks...You really are too kind, Eve...That’s why I can’t help...but seek out your affection...”

He leans against you. 

*Cling* 

“Ah...Am I being too clingy? Or maybe...I’m heavy? In that case, I’ll move back...”

“Fufu...I’m glad...Right, Eve. Look my way?”

You turn your head.

“Mm...”

*Smooch*

You seem surprised.

“Fufu...Your surprised face...is adorable too. Eve...Come closer.”

*Rustle rustle*

“...It’ll be fine. There’s nobody else around. It’s just the two of us...so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

You note how he is acting somewhat out of character.

“That’s not true...I’m no different from usual...”

 You seem skeptical.

“Ah...Uhm...It’s just...I got a little jealous, that’s all...”

You tilt your head to the side.

“...Because earlier...you mentioned something about wanting to come and see the lights with everyone...”

You say sorry.

“Ah...Please don’t apologize! I didn’t want to make you sad or anything...!”

*Rustle*

“Eve...I love you. ...Hey, please let me hear those words too?”

You express your love for him.

“...Mmh! Thank you. I really...love you so much!”

*Rustle*

“Hey, Eve...You should wrap your arms...tightly around me as well. I love it...when you hug me tight.”

*Rustle*

“Ah~ It’s so warm...Doing this really helps me calm down...”

You tell him it gets you a little nervous too.

“Fufu~ You’re right...Your heart’s racing, isn’t it...? ...Your face is completely flustered too, how cute.”

Music starts playing all of a sudden.

“...? What’s going on? The lights are flashing on and off...Woah~! Amazing! Everything around us is turning a pink hue...!”

 You look around.

*Rustle*

“It’s almost...as if he we have set foot into a whole new world...Besides...the lights are reflected in your eyes as well...How pretty. Give me a...better look?”

*Rustle*

“...Fufu~ Just as I thought, it looks stunning...I feel so very blessed right now...to be here together with you in this moment...Thank you for coming here with me, Eve...”

*TIMESKIP*

You sneeze.

“Ah...A sneeze...Maybe it’s because we were out watching the lights for so long...? The wind got pretty chilly at some point too, so you probably got cold, didn’t you...? Give me...your hands?”

*Rustle*

The blows on your hands.

“Haah...Haah...How’s that...? Did that help heat them up a little...?”

*Rustle*

“Your fingers still feel cold. One more time...Haah...Haah...Hm...? Huh...?”

The music stops as you notice how the lights have gone out.

“Yeah...Seems like the lights went out over there. I see...It’s closing time, isn’t it? I guess the ones over here will turn off soon as well? That makes me...a little sad.”

You agree.

“...Ah. Really? You don’t want to...go home either?”

You nod. 

“I want to be together as well. I want more time together where it’s just the two of us.”

You tell him that you wish you could stay here forever.

“But...Say we stay here...and you catch a cold...I wouldn’t like that. Right! I’ll warm you up, okay?”

You tilt your head to th side.

“Scoot closer...?”

*Rustle*

He wraps his arms around you.

*Rustle rustle* 

“Today, we’ll spend the whole day together...”

You nod and close your eyes. 

“Fufu~ I love you, Eve...”

ーー THE END ーー

[wayfayrr]

-motorcycle anon OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!! i was also thinking of the scenario with Time [i have favoritism okay lol] BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT WITH TWI

yippeee

I'm glad you liked it motorcycle 💖💖💖 I've got your request here for Time, and it's been written as a continuation for the one with twi!!

“It’s good to see that you two are alright, the fact you two disappeared earlier was a bit concerning. Given Twilight’s shouting.”

“Sorry about that Time, Twi found my bike and well it kinda spiralled from there.”

Concern is still lacing his features although now he looks more curious than anything like he wants to ask something but isn’t sure whether he has permission to or not. He’s got every reason to be concerned, his “son” was screaming like he’d shattered his ankle earlier and then he wasn’t able to find him until we got in? Yeah, I’d be concerned if I was in his place.

“You clearly want to ask something. Time, you don’t need to be worried about asking me anything alright? If it’s bothering you, which it clearly is, you can just ask.”

“Okay [name], you mentioned ‘your bike’, may I ask what that is?”

“Ah, yeah I’m still not quite used to you guys not knowing everything about my world, not that that’s an issue of course! I can show you if you'd like?”

He’s perked up a bit at that, the same innocent curiosity Twilight had when I offered him a ride, maybe he’d like that... At the very least I should offer it to him, it could help him destress. 

“If you’d like I could take you out for a ride, there’s a lovely hillside road with a perfect view of the sunset. If we leave in the next ten minutes we should be able to make it in time to watch. I could even make up a flask of something warm quickly?”

His blush is enough of a tell that he likes the idea of that so without another word, I got back my safety gear from Twilight, passed it to time and then left the room to quickly make up a flask to bring with us. When I got back to Time it seems Twi managed to help him get everything on so I won’t need to waste any more time helping him with it. All that’s left to do now is get back out to my bike again. 

“Coming then, fairy boy?”

Is there something about me when I invite the boys out like this? First Twilight and now time, it’s like they can’t stop blushing around me and can barely speak. Not like I mind it though, makes it easier to get out and help him sit behind me on my bike and it also seems like Twi’s given him a pointer or two about the best ways to hold me when I’m riding that or he’s a natural. Maybe he has a couple of similar reactions to his relative as well, there’s no harm in pushing my bike a bit faster than I really should to see, is there? I know road safety, and these roads are exclusively used by bikers so nothing bad will happen. 

“This is how you normally travel then? This fast?”

“Not all the time, not this fast anyway.”

He does share their reactions, not all of them but enough to tell they’re family. Time’s more confident, or tries to come off that way although his arms tightening around my waist shows me that he’s not as calm as he’s trying to come across as. Travelling this fast in Hyrule is near impossible though so I can’t hold his fear against him, and he’s trying so hard to come off as brave. Them being adorable has to be genetic. 

“We’re almost there, don’t worry!”

Pushing my bike just a bit harder to get to the perfect viewpoint, he’s not taken my advice to heart choosing instead to hold me closer still. Until we’ve reached our destination, the perfect place to watch the sunset with someone. And with a few minutes to spare on that front, just enough time to find a nice place to stand and pour a drink.

“We're here so you can let go of me, fairy boy. Now tell me, do you think this view’s worth that journey?”

“I think I understand the kind of awe you had in Hyrule, seeing a different type of beauty like this, it’s incredible.”

He kept that slight smile the whole time we stood there through the sunset, I’ll have to drag him out to places like this more often now I know this is the reaction he’ll have.

[izurusstuff]

“Maybe I’m okay with accepting his deal…”

(SPOILERS FOR THIRD SEMESTER OF PERSONA 5 ROYAL!!!)

summary: phantom thief reader (gender neutral) x takuto maruki (but a secret relationship woahhh). yeah this involves guidance counselor x student reader but i’m having the reader be a third year or some sort of teaching assistant because the law and not being morally fucked up is cool!! also this is a bit all over the place so beware

message from izurusstuff: hey guys sorry it’s been crazy 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i’ve been super duper busy with university and i lost all motivation to write outside of academia (boooo, useless writing) but c.ai keeps annoying the hell out of me with “can i ask you a question?” so i decided to say fuck it and do it myself. also my life kinda got turned upside down because a hurricane wiped my hometown off the map so that’s not very fun :((

This all started the day Takuto Maruki was sent to Shujin Academy to console the victims of Suguru Kamoshida. Y/N wasn’t necessarily one of them, but they knew of what was happening since they were assisting some of the extracurricular teachers during that time. Honestly? If it weren’t for the Phantom Thieves, Y/N probably would’ve gone after Kamoshida anyway…

Yet some sort of fate led Y/N to cross the path of the Phantom Thieves— whether it was the work of some cruel deity or sheer bad luck, Y/N figured out the identity of all the Thieves and awakened to their persona after the death of Principal Kobayakawa (they accidentally got drawn in to Okumura’s palace). So when they noticed Dr. Maruki was researching cognitive pscience, Y/N warned the other Thieves. Apparently, Y/N was the last to know. They trusted Maruki wholeheartedly for some reason, which made Y/N even more cold to the poor guidance counsellor…

Then Okumura died. On live television, in front of his only daughter, he became the newest victim of a mental shutdown. Y/N’s trust in the Phantom Thieves went down the drain. Did they really kill Haru’s dad?! Why the HELL would they do that?! He wasn’t the best person, but to execute him in front of his daughter? Who WERE these people that Y/N was working with?

So now, they found comfort in the guidance counsellor they mistrusted at the beginning. Y/N would spend all their free time in the office of the tenured Maruki— and it was the most relaxing thing they experienced. He had snacks, juices, games, beds… everything; obviously he was a good listener too, so that made it easier. But what would never be easy to deal with was Maruki’s approaching departure— he was only contracted to be at Shujin for six months. And to make it worse? Y/N had fallen for him. Hard. But little did Y/N know that he felt the same…

“Takuto…” Y/N murmured, causing him to perk up with his eager brown eyes. And God… that smile… it could melt anyone’s heart…

“Hm? What is it, Y/N?” Maruki responded with a warm tone.

“I’m… going to really miss you. Do you have to leave?”

“I do. I’m so sorry, Y/N. But being a counsellor isn’t my calling… I would gladly renegotiate my contract in order to spend more time with you, but-“ Wait. What? Did Maruki just confess to wanting to spend more time with Y/N?! They remained baffled but pulled him into a close hug nonetheless. Now both of them were blushing with their tears dusting their eyes.

“If I had the chance to change fate so we could have more time together, I absolutely would take it.” Maruki said, pulling them tighter into the embrace while cupping their face. He wiped their tears with the pads of his thumb before leaning into a passionate kiss with them. Ugh. Why couldn’t Y/N have sucked up their disdain for him sooner?! They couldn’t help but blame themself for the reason why they didn’t have more time together; tears fell even faster down Y/N’s cheeks while they reciprocated the kiss— a feeling so great, yet so painful.

“You won’t forget about me here, will you?”

“I could never forget about someone like you, Y/N.”

And that was the last time they had spoken in his office. Of course, they kept in contact while having their love blossom, but it never could replace how much Y/N craved to be held by Maruki again. Yes, he was off doing what he always wanted to, but Y/N couldn’t help how empty it felt without their new lover…

January 1st, 20XX.

While Y/N’s friends got to spend New Years and Christmas with their significant others, they remained lonely in their apartment. Sure, they texted Maruki and video called him multiple times, but it just… didn’t feel the same. So when the new year rolled around, Y/N didn’t feel anything other than the absence of their beloved Maruki.

Until they got a text.

“Hey, my Y/N! <3 I’m outside! I’m not sure whether or not you wanted iced coffee or hot, so I got both!”

It was from Maruki? He wasn’t supposed to be back in Tokyo for at LEAST two more months. Why was he outside? Was this a prank? Y/N rushed outside to see if it was some cruel joke, but it wasn’t. Maruki was in front of them, holding their favorite coffee in his gloved hands. They stared up at him in disbelief for a bit then pulled him in for a kiss. Then another text came in from Y/N’s… friend…? Enemy? What even was he? Not the point. It was Goro Akechi, who they all assumed to be dead since they literally saw his demise in his father’s palace.

“Please tell me you didn’t fall into this false reality too. Someone must be smart enough to tell that something’s off.”

Y/N looked at their phone, then back at Maruki in even more disbelief. This was reality, wasn’t it?

Y/N’s internal question was answered nearly soon after they thought of it— Okumura was nearby with his daughter, Haru.

What had Maruki done?

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 30 (NEW)

——————————————————————————-

Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

“If you ever feel like stuff gets too much you can come to me and I’ll try my best to make time and help you, Does that sound good to you?”

He was silent for a bit and I worried if he even heard me but before I could repeat he finally spoke.

“That- you don’t have to do that, i can- i can deal with this myself”

He was clearly apprehensive about the offer and trying to disappear in one of the folds of my pouch.

“Well yeah, I guess so, but you don’t Have to deal with this alone.

Look, I’ve lived a majority of my life alone and I can tell you that needing help isn’t a bad thing, hell I would have loved to have had help sometimes.

I know what it’s like dealing with stuff alone and I think it sucks, Nobody should have to be alone when they need help.

Besides, I’m just offering you that if you do need help you can come to me and I’ll do my best to help and make time for you.

And now that we are at the castle i doubt i’ll have much to do anyway”

I patiently waited for his response, he didn’t HAVE to answer now though, He could take as much time as he needed.

And for whatever Reason, which I was going to blame the Ardua Bracelet on, being able to protect him like this felt right.

While he was there nothing could get to him unless it got through me first, literally.

And there was no way a spider could sneak in, so he didn’t have to worry about his phobia either.

He could just, relax and let someone else do everything, maybe that’s exactly what he had needed.

“Donovan? I don’t think i have enough brainpower to think about that today, Is it okay if I answer some other time?”

“Of course, take as much time as you need, i’m not going anywhere, at least not without you”

Adding a bit of humor at the end wouldn’t hurt right?

Besides he wasn’t feeling the best right now so maybe it would cheer him up a little bit at least.

He just snuggled deeper into my pouch and i had to keep from emitting a pleased hum, man, fuck those Ardua instincts.

This was NOT about me right now!

This was to help Robin, nothing else.

I carefully positioned myself so that my Pouch was shielded from all sides by my limbs and only my back and head were exposed to the night air.

This pose did have a lot of similarities to the loaf form I had taken earlier that day.

Now nothing could get to him, not even near him without me knowing.

Though, my self control really was being tested today wasn’t it?

For whatever godforsaken reason Robin had started rubbing the inside of my pouch, likely spaced out again even if I couldn’t see him.

The sensation practically made me melt like warm butter and I had to really fight to keep from letting out a delighted hum.

I did not want to startle him with a random sound, not when he finally wasn’t trembling anymore.

Instead I just froze on the spot, not moving aside from my tail swinging from side to side.

Then he started to knead into the walls even more.

************************************************************************

Robin had been right, this was helping.

He was just lying in a soft and dim room where the only noises he could hear, aside from Donovan speaking,

were the rhythmic whooshing of the lungs that somehow reminded him of a distant breeze through trees and the steadily thumping Heart that sent blood to every part of the Arduas body.

It was strangely soothing to be surrounded by something alive that had promised to never hurt him and listen to the muted sounds his body made just by being alive.

He briefly wondered why he had two hearts if only one was doing its job already so well, but he was a hybrid so things probably didn’t have to make sense.

And for some reason he actually felt safe in here, logically he shouldn’t, He knew that, but he also knew Donovan wouldn’t hurt him.

He’d promised that back when they were still in the forest, and he doubted he’d break that promise.

He was half Fae, and Fae was bound to their promises.

Somehow he didn’t think that the Fae thing was what made him keep this promise.

And after his… outburst, his energy was sapped, The soft and warm walls didn’t help that either.

He was more comfortable than he’d been in, well, ever, and the texture of the walls was like silk, if silk was even smoother and slightly damp.

Not that he minded that, at all.

And it was so, so soft.

Robin couldn’t help leaning into them and rubbing his hands over the surroundings just to feel how his fingers went over the smooth walls.

The texture really was like the smoothest silk had ever touched, if not better, so he steadily moved his hands over it from left to right, As well as up and down.

That got a reaction, the walls around him twitched in surprise for a second.

Robin huffed and rubbed at the wall again, causing the room around him to rumble and a new sound to surround him.

Donovan was purring… That was kind of adorable.

Encouraged by that nice sound that made his bones thrum, Robin pressed his hand to the wall and started rubbing in a circular motion, now with both hands, turning Donovan’s stilted vocalization into a steady purr.

Should he mention it?

They were all new to this, maybe it was something he wanted to know?

Besides, the sound was relaxing and made his bones buzz slightly.

He liked the sound, Donovan really was like a big cat in his Ardua form.

He decided to mention it and tell him that he liked the sound.

“You are purring”

************************************************************************

“You are purring”

What? What did the little ginger mean? I wasn’t a cat, I couldn’t purr, What was he talking about?

“No im not”

But even as i said this i became aware of the fact that there was a sound that DID sound a lot like purring, and the sound was coming from me.

“Yes you are,you’re doing it right now!”

He yawned as he said this and resumed kneading his tiny hands into the walls.

Damnit.

I really should ask Oakley if I could take a look at the book he mentioned.

“Go sleep already, i can tell you’re tired, and you just had kind of a bad time you should rest”

He yawned again and snuggled into one of the walls of my pouch.

“Hmmkay, i do like the purring though, its relaxing”

He did? Well, since there was no one else around I guessed I could just continue?

If the sound was calming for him maybe it’d help?

While I doubted that he was still shaken from his earlier panic, having some soothing background noise would probably be nice for him.

And I had to admit that this was actually pretty comfortable, somehow.

I was still lying on a rock outside at night while I had a living breathing human person IN my pouch.

Though while he was sleepily snuggled up in one of the folds of my pouch he was still absent mindedly running his hands over the flesh there.

Yeah, continuing to purr was not a problem like this.

Though he went slower and slower, likely falling asleep.

And somehow this was relaxing enough that I also got tired.

Well, it had been a long day, a weird one too, Now it was time for some peace and quiet, Fuck knew both of us needed that after the weird weeks we had.

I yawned and then felt Robin roll over, sleepily mumbling something and then curling up.

While I was kind of disappointed that the internal massage stopped, I was glad that he finally fell asleep, It was late and I knew he was not a morning person.

My own eyelids growing heavy, I let my head dip down to rest on the ground,

using one of my paws as a pillow and falling asleep content with the knowledge that my Friend was safe, even from his own fears.

At some point during the night I was briefly awoken by a rustling sound.

What now? I was tired, whoever this was could pester me with their bullshit tomorrow!

Still, I should probably make sure that this wasn’t a threat.

Looking over to where the sound came from I could see another silhouette stumbling over some bushes.

Oh, wait, in the dim moonlight I could actually see who it was after my eyes had adjusted.

It was Arthur, and he was stumbling his way over to me.

Man his eyes must have not adapted to the dark with how he kept bumping into things, then again it might be possible that Ardua just had better night vision.

Then he walked past me towards the cliff.

Oh fuck no.

I stood up as fast as I could while still being mindful of my worn out passenger.

I managed to snag the back of his shirt with a claw before he just walked off of the cliff.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Then I noticed it.

His face was flushed pink, like a lot so, he must have had a few too many alcoholic beverages.

Goddamnit, I knew what I was doing when I avoided anything alcoholic.

And it was a good thing that i had been out here and woken up when i heard him.

He could be dead by now, impaled by one of the spikes or drowned in the ocean far below.

That was a very frightening thought, one I did not dare entertain further.

But fucking hell, how much did he have intus?

Well, i’d say not my problem but apparently it was now since it was clear he did not know what he was doing.

I’d better make sure he would not run off again, or worse, and potentially kill himself.

I used a claw to hook his shirt and drag him back to the spot I had been in before but he wiggled out of it with some slurred speech that I had no hope of understanding.

Well, the hard way it was then, I grabbed the back of his shirt with my teeth and dragged him like that.

I did not plan on swallowing him though, he’d only disturb Robin and that was the last thing I wanted.

Speaking of the ginger, I could feel him sleepily shifting and hoped he wouldn’t wake up.

Also he was drunk as fuck, that could be actually dangerous, for both of us as he could injure someone.

Also I doubted he’d appreciate that.

So I carried him by the scruff like a kitten and went back to settling where I was before.

I carefully set him down between my arms and made sure he could not escape, but instead of trying to get out and leave he just settled in the crook of my arm which I had previously used as a pillow.

He was just lying there but before I could ask him anything he shoved a hand against the side of my head and slurred out something barely coherent.

“No, shut up”

Well, i didn’t mind him there, but if he puked on me or disturbed Robin somehow i would put him in a tree.

But I did hope that this was it for nightly disturbances, I needed sleep too.

Settling my head on my arm again I made sure that Arthur couldn’t just get up and wander off.

I did not want him falling of the cliff in his intoxicated state, that would be horrible.

And he kind of already tried to do that sooo, this was for the better.

Checking one last time that he wouldn’t wander off and that Robin was still comfortable in my pouch I rested my head and finally went back to sleep.

And if someone else decided they would wake me in the middle of the night I would chuck them through a castle window.

Luckily I was not disturbed again and could just sleep through the night and into the morning where I got woken by a very confused Arthur who did not remember how he got there.

Yeah, this was gonna be fun.

And now I actually had friends.

Friends that did not mind me being a weird shape shifting Fae Bastard.

Though the fact that I could eat people was probably not something we would talk about, aside from Robin maybe.

But the little rusthead did end up taking my offer of helping when he had a bad brain day.

From this point onward things could only get better, and as soon as Rikaad found that stupid paperwork I could also go to the city and explore without being immediately executed.

I’d wait for a few weeks though, just to be sure that everyone got the memo.

But it was nice to finally know that things would get better, and not just for me, with Rikaad as king it would get better for everyone.

Yeah, I was looking forward to that future.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a week now since we had started living at the castle, and the protruding rock on the cliffside had quickly become one of my favorite places.

It was a nice sunspot too, as confirmed by a cat that had showed up sometime and then refused to leave.

I liked the cat, it somehow had no fear of me and even tried to groom my fur.

At some point I even followed it for an entire day as lots of people had said I looked cat like I thought I’d go and see what an actual cat did all day, That had been fun, and now I had a feline friend that sometimes showed up and tried to clean my fur.

While i had spent time with the cat Rikaad had found the papers that dictated how much taxes had to be paid by the citizens.

He was righteously angry at finding out that the wealthy people only had to pay two percent taxes while the poorer people had to pay up to ten or even more.

He immediately put it at five percent for everyone as he thought that rich people should not have to pay less than poor people who sometimes couldn’t even afford to eat, In the end he made it so that everyone had to pay the same percentage.

In his words everyone was worth the same, and that poorer people had to pay for everything while the rich just kept getting richer was not fair.

Of course some of the rich fucks complained while the rest of the citizens cheered.

He then told the rich fucks that complained that they could leave if they wanted, but they had to leave their stuff behind and were not allowed to take what was considered ‘kingdom property’ whatever the fuck that meant.

Sometime after that the funeral for the old king was held, almost nobody attended and i had stayed behind with Robin while Rikaad and Arthur went even if they didn’t really want to.

To be completely honest I really hadn’t wanted to see the corpse of the old git that was majorly responsible for a lot of Misery, and not just my own at that.

Instead I had Worked to renovate the shed for my Ardua form with Robin, that had been fun.

Another day I had helped Barsen out in the garden. 

He had asked for help in uprooting a tree that had rotted from inside out and was a safety hazard as it was near a frequently used pathway and could fall on someone.

I had ended up dragging the thing that was longer than I was tall to one of the walls where it was out of the way, maybe they’d use it as firewood sometime.

And best of all was that now that it was warm again all the flowers had come back in full bloom.

I could only applaud Barsen as the Garden looked absolutely stunning with all the colors.

And Robin made flower crowns with whatever he was allowed to pluck, which meant he befriended Barsen on the basis of talking about plants.

Barsen had even complimented Robin’s name as apparently he was named after his favorite bird which I found a funny coincidence.

While there were a lot of flowers in the garden, not a lot of them were blue simply due to the fact the old king had not liked the color, maybe because it reminded him of Maringand.

But there was one place where i had seen a speck of blue petals, Which led to where I was now.

Standing in front of the cliff near the rock and looking at the spike with the tree on it.

I could see something blue right next to it and I wanted to get it.

Not for me of course, but I wanted to get them for Robin so he could make a blue flower crown.

He said he wanted to, so I’d try and make it possible.

“Mrow?”

At the sound I looked to my right where a cream colored cat with rusty ‘boots’ and tail sat, She was looking as disapproving as a cat could.

“Don’t look at me like that, i know this is a bad idea, but i want to do something nice for my friend”

She just blinked and then walked away, clearly signifying ‘not my problem’.

Eh, whatever, it would be fine, I had practiced jumping just for this and I wanted to get to the flowers before they wilted.

I didn’t even know what kind they were so it was possible that they wouldn’t bloom for long.

Taking a few more steps back until I felt a tree behind me, I made myself ready to sprint like I had learned from the cat.

We should find her a name sometime.

Before I could start to sprint though I was interrupted by a now familiar voice.

“What are you planning to do?”

I looked over to Barsen and saw him standing there with a broken wheelbarrow on his shoulder, he really should get that replaced.

“You already know that anyway, ’m trying to get to the spike with the tree and get those blue plants”

“if you are sure you can jump that far, just make sure to be careful, and bring me a few with roots while you’re at it, i might be able to plant them somewhere safer”

I nodded at him and he carried on with whatever he was doing, hopefully finally bringing that wheelbarrow to get repaired as he had it like that since i’ve known him.

Making sure there was nothing in the way, I readied my muscles and pelted over the ground towards the abyss that was the end of the cliff and jumped at the last moment, feeling the edge crumble under me, and near flying through the air towards the spike with the tree.

I landed perfectly with all four legs on the little island right next to the tree.

The flat top of the spike itself was shaped like a malformed and bent teardrop with the tree in the larger part of it.

But now that I was finally here I could see all the blue flowers, They were bluebells, pretty big ones too.

Robin would love these, so I shifted back into my human form and plucked as many as I could, half of them with the roots still attached like Barsen had requested.

I still left a sizable patch of them so they could regrow next year.

Gathering the flowers in a bundle I went a few steps away to shift back into Ardua form.

As soon as I did that i encountered a problem though, I had brought nothing to carry the flowers, maybe the cat had been right about looking at me like that.

Well, maybe I could carry them in my mouth?

I’ve carried stuff like that before and as long as I was careful not to squish them it should be fine, right?

Welp, only one way to find out, so i put them in my mouth and went to the edge of the spike opposite from the cliff face to get as much runway as i could.

Making sure that I wouldn’t squish the flowers I ran across the limited space and jumped back to the cliff.

Landing with my forelegs on the cliff I tried to heave myself up before the rest of my body followed and failed as my hind legs tried to find purchase on nothing and almost fell down till I could put my claws into the wall of the cliff and hold on like that.

Well, that was really fucking close.

Climbing up the little distance I had slid down I was back onto solid ground.

Only to have the cat stare at me.

I just looked at her with an annoyed expression and walked past her, making sure not to step on her, she really was tiny compared to me so i had no idea why she wasn’t afraid of me.

Well, at least I didn’t have to worry about spooking her on accident with my size as long as I was careful.

Now to bring these plants where they belonged, carefully getting them out of my mouth I shrank back into human form,

sorting the flowers by which ones had roots or not.

Finding Robin was easy, There weren’t many spots he hung out and I knew for a fact that he was currently at Oakleys tower planting some herbs that he found out the winged man liked.

No idea how he managed to though.

Oakley himself wasn’t there at the moment as he was busy sorting through his old stuff in the run down hut he lived in before, throwing everything he didn’t need away and bringing the useful stuff here.

Yep, there he was, making a little space for Oakleys plants and pouring new dirt in a neatly stone enclosed patch.

“Robin! Hey! Looks good, i bet Oakley is gonna love it”

He turned his head to me and I could see a very big grin on his slightly smudged face, he probably scratched his nose with his dirt stained fingers.

“You think so? Oh wait, where did you get those?”

He had jumped up as soon as he saw the bluebells I was carrying and I held a bundle upside down in his direction which he gladly took only to sit down and immediately weave them into crowns.

Yep, as expected, and judging by the wide smile on his face he was very happy about finally having some blue ones to work with.

“Where did you find those? Did you go out and search for them?”

Of course, he HAD to ask, and now i had to tell him that i jumped over the cliff to that spike.

I couldn’t lie after all, but maybe I could omit a few things.

“I got them from that spike with the tree, but don’t worry i practiced jumping and as you can see im fine”

I would not tell him that I almost slid off when jumping back.

“If you are sure, but you don’t have to do something so dangerous for me!”

“Eh Barsen wanted some too, with roots of course, see?”

I held up the bundle that had the roots still attached.

“Oh, that’s nice, but maybe you should bring them to him before they dry out and wilt?”

Looking at the flowers he was probably right, some of them had bent a little too much while I had transported them and I had no idea which ones were good to replant and which ones weren’t.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[setsuuestsu]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request a Hobi sickfic where he gets a bad flu bug (fever, bad cough, etc) and the maknae line steps up to take care of him. Only if you want to of course! I feel like there isn’t enough Hobi content sometimes and I saw that he’s your bias. I love your other fics with him.

I’m so sorry this took so long and that it’s not very good 😭

Was the room supposed to be spinning?

Or, what were those swirls? What was even going on? And why were there doubles of everything?

“Hoseok-hyung?”

Hoseok’s eves flitted over to the door, where the sound of Taehyung’s voice was entering from the doorway. God, he felt so warm. 

“Hoseok-hyung, are you awake yet?” Taehyung asked, entering the room with a mug of something minty. “I brought that tea you asked for a while ago. It took a hot second ‘cause I kinda broke the kettle, so please don’t tell Jin-hyung.”

His throat tickled and he let out a harsh series of coughs that left him gasping for breath. Taehyung immediately stopped rambling and went to assist Hoseok in sitting up. 

“Poor hyungie …” He helped bring the mug of tea to Hoseok’s mouth and tilted the mug upwards for the liquid to reach Hoseok’s mouth. “Better?”

Hoseok gave a half-hearted shrug. He still felt terrible and he wanted nothing more than a good 24+ hour nap but he took another sip of the tea and curled closer to Taehyung for warmth. 

“I don’t feel well.” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes, which felt like they were burning out of his skull. 

More footsteps echoed out from the hallway. Hoseok felt like he was in a daze, barely processing what was happening around him. He shut his eyes as his vision swam. He felt so cold.

As his vision started to fade in and out, he panicked. “Tae … please. I-I don’t …”

“Shhh … it’s okay, Hobi-hyung.” Jimin sat on the bed next to Hoseok and pulled the elder into his warm embrace. “The medicine should start to kick in soon. And if it doesn’t, we can try a different medicine that’ll be okay to take with the other one. You only have to wait a little bit longer.”

Only a little bit longer.

“Take another sip.” Taehyung said, holding the mug of tea up to Hoseok’s lips once more. The elder complied, taking a small sip and then laying back against his pillows. 

Then, Jungkook entered the room, covered in leaves and tiny sticks. He passed his phone to Taehyung. “Hi hyungs! Hobi-hyung, are you feeling better?”

Hoseok blinked slowly, wondering if he was imagining the leaves and sticks attached to the maknae. “Uh Kookie … you have some … leaves on you?”

The maknae’s eyes widened. “Oh yeah! I was doing a social experiment! Something about hugging a tree or something.”

Taehyung lifted his eyes up from Jungkook's phone, which he was still holding. “Kook! It’s already reached a million likes!”

The phone buzzed. Taehyung glanced at it. “Oh … our manager wants to talk to you.”

Jungkook winced, bracing himself for the worst. “Okay, I’ll be back.”

“Get some more tissues for Hobi-hyung!” Jimin called as Jungkook exited the room. “And maybe heat up one of those stuffed animals too.”

“Where’s everyone else?” Hoseok asked after muffling a cough into his blanket. “Are they also hugging trees?”

Taehyung barked out a laugh. “No. Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung are fishing somewhere and Namjoon-hyung said something about go-kart driving.”

The three shared a look.

“Did you make sure he brought his insurance card?” Hoseok asked.

Jimin nodded. “I taped it inside his wallet.”

Hoseok went to laugh but it was as if the breath was stolen from his lungs. He started hacking out his coughs and his head was hurting, his throat was absolutely hurting, and he was reminded just how miserable he felt. 

“Oh, hyung.” Jimin cooed worriedly. “Tae, get him a cough drop.”

“Have you taken any medicine yet?” Jimin asked. When Hoseok nodded his head, Jimin frowned. “It doesn’t seem to be working yet. Let me grab the thermometer.”

As Jimin got up to find the thermometer, Hoseok grimaced as he gave a wet sniffle. He prayed Jungkook would return with more tissues soon because his nose hadn’t stopped running since he had woken up and it was getting quite annoying.

Taehyung returned with a bag of cough drops (honey and lemon!) which he had absolutely stolen from Jin’s room, obvious in the way that there were marker strokes reading ‘Jin!’ on the bag. “I have returned!”

He threw his arms up in the air and unfortunately, the bag 9f cough drops was open, which resulted in them being flung into the air. One hit Hoseok in the eye, making him yelp in pain, which did not help his throat at all.

“Tae!” Jimin shouted from the doorway, “Stop hurting the invalid!”

Taehyung grinned cheekily. “Sorry Hobi-hyung.”

Hoseok waved him off and after rubbing his stinging eye, unwrapped the cough drop and almost cried in relief as the cooling medicine hit his throat. He felt his sinuses opening up as well, which, wow!

But now … maybe they’re opening up a little too well.

He sneezes, once, twice, and now his need for a tissue is even greater. He sniffles, praying that his dongsaengs aren’t judging him. 

Which, they probably aren’t, considering Taehyung roars like a dinosaur when he sneezes and Jimin always sneezes at least six times a day unprompted.

“Bless you, hyung.” Jimin says worriedly. “Are you feeling worse?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “No. It was ‘cause my congestion went away.”

As if to prove his point, Hoseok sneezes again. 

“I’m back!” Jungkook shouts from the hallway, entering the room with the box of tissues (also from out of Jin’s room). He hands the box to Hoseok, who immediately opens the box and breathes out a sigh of relief as he blows his nose. It takes him about a good three blows until his nose is finally clear and he can set the tissue box next to him. 

“What did our manager say?” Taehyung asked Jungkook.

The maknae grinned. “I don’t have to delete the TikTok, but apparently I have to “think before I post”.” Jungkook cuts off with a laugh. “As if I’d ever do that.”

Hoseok coughs harshly into his elbow (and nearly chokes on his cough drop in the process, but he saves it) and Jimin looks over at him, even more concerned. 

“Hyungie, that cough isn’t getting any better.” Jimin rubs his back, offering another tissue to Hoseok, as his nose has started to run again due to all of the coughing. ‘Kook, go make him some jook.”

Finally tasked with something, the maknae hurries out of the room.

Jungkook hops into the bed with Hoseok, pushing Jimin off the edge. The mochi tumbles (still gracefully somehow) and pouts from his new spot on the floor. “This fucking kid.” Jimin grumbles, to which Jungkook only sticks his tongue out at.

“Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung are going to the go-kart track to pick up Namjoon-hyung.” Taehyung said aloud, reading from his phone. “He broke something.”

“Himself or the kart?” Jungkook asked, genuinely curious as to what the answer may be.

“We’re not sure yet.” Taehyung stated. “Might be both, but they’re going to be back in an hour or two.”

Hoseok coughs into his elbow and slumps against his pillows, exhausted. Jimin pulls the blanket up to his hyung’s neck and kisses his forehead. He gestures for Taehyung and Jungkook to follow him out of the room to let Hoseok sleep. 

The door shuts and Hoseok is draped in darkness once more.

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: First chapter, here we go!

Warnings: a few curse words maybe

Knowing Calum is finally home and not somewhere around the world on tour makes me feel safe. Our huge house in Adelaide doesn’t feel that empty when he’s in it. He makes life better for me. "Hey, Calum?" I asked him as we were sitting at the dining table, eating the delicious dinner we made together as a tradition of him coming back from tour. "Yes, sweetie?" I took a deep breath.

"You know about my parents right?" His facial expressions changed all of a sudden. He looked kind of worried.

"And why I came to Australia in 2011 in the first place?" He nodded, though he seemed very distant, not knowing how he should react.

"Yes, you told me, you got told they live here, in South Australia."

I remembered that day very vividly. It was after 3 months of my visit, where Calum came up to me and told me, he felt like something's going on, I acted strange. So I told him about how scared I was, I wanted to find them so bad, but what if I can’t handle the truth. He listened, and gave me long, warm hug. That’s all I wanted.

"Yeah, that’s right, somewhere here." I said, nearly whispering, knowing Calum will always understand me.

"I kinda wanna find them now. I think I'm ready for it." I made the promise to myself when I was 17, a scared little teen in Australia, I would find them someday. And with Calum not going on tour any time soon, I feel save.

"You are sure, you are ready for it? You don’t feel pressured? Did anybody say anything about it?" I loved Calum for his caring personality, he was very empathetic and read me like an open book, always knowing when I wasn’t feeling well or got a panic attack.

“No, I just want to know the truth. I want to know from where I am. Do I have the same eye color as my dad? Does my mom have the same dark hair?" He reached my hand and grabbed it, looking into my eyes. "Okay sweets, we can do this, I'll help you." I knew he'd say that, that’s why I wanted to talk.

"Cal… I want to do this alone. It’s my family, my history. I wanna try finding them on my own. Finally closing up on that." It broke my heart into a million pieces to see this hurt look in his eyes, letting go of my hand, slowly, carefully.

"It’s nothing against you. Really. I-" He interrupted me.

"No, stop. I get it. You have to do this alone Milly." Silence. No one moved or said anything. We sat there silently eating our meal. He was the first to break it.

"I’m gonna go to Lukes' for the new track." It hurt me, seeing him leaving. I knew it wasn’t for forever, but I hurt him with rejecting him when he just wanted to help me.

Cal's POV:

He approached Luke's doorstep and hit the doorbell, putting all of his anger and confusion into it. Why doesn’t she want his help? He couldn’t think about his thought because Michael opened the door for him, smiling mischievously at him.

"Hey man, could you help me and Ashton with pranking L— Is everything okay bud?“ "Yeah, everything's fine, why would I not be okay?" Calum answers and follows Micheal into the house to the living room, where the other sit, very concentrated with guitar and pen in their hands. He silently sits down next to Ash and takes one of Lukes guitars next to him.

"Hey, I thought you said you didn’t come today cause of the dinner with-" Calum interrupts Luke by saying.

"Milly? Yeah, turns out she doesn’t need me." All he felt was anger. Some people describe the feeling as red, but he wasn’t able to find a color to fit the emotion he felt. It was driving him crazy. He wanted to destroy something, start a fight with someone. Just do anything. So he stood up and took the wooden chair next to him, but before he could smash it to the ground, he felt two strong hands from behind, grabbing him.

"Calum!" Luke shouted, he held him at his shoulders.

"What is going on?! That isn’t you! You NEVER do things like that." Micheal appeared and took the chair out of his hands, putting it back on the stop where it stood before Calum took it. He slowly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Why did he feel this way?

"Come on, sit back down." Luke said to him, his hands still resting at his shoulders. He did what his best friend told him to. He sat back on the sofa, hiding his face in his hands. Now it was Ashton who placed his hand softly on his arm.

"Hey… What’s wrong? We’re your friends, your partners, you can talk to us." Once again, he took a breath and said:

"Milly wants to find her parents." He looked at their faces, their reaction. Confused. Clearly. Micheal was the first to talk.

"Yeah, but what’s wrong with that? She just wants to find out the truth about her heritage. Why things happened." He was right, Calum knew that, but it wasn’t that part of the story where he got so upset. "She wants to do all that alone." When nobody said anything, he added:

"Find them alone." Tears started to form in his eyes. The way she rejected him was not easy for him to handle. But he couldn’t explain his feelings. They were just there. Existing.

"How are you feeling about that?" Luke asked.

"Angry." That was all he could say. He could think of.

"But what exactly makes you that angry?" That was Ashton.

"I don’t know, I'm just—" He broke up, tears falling down. Luke quickly hugged him, wrapping his arm around his waist. As he let go of him, Luke looked in his eyes and said:

"Are you scared?" His first impression would be to shout 'No!' but when he thought about it…

"I'm scared to loose her, scared because I can’t help her in case something happens." This realization overwhelmed him. He wasn’t upset because she rejected him, he felt this way because he felt helpless, out of control.

"You are a perfect boyfriend Cal, just be there for her when she needs it, but let her do this alone. Please." Micheal said.

"But what if I can’t fix it? What if I'm not able to fix her when they break her?" I got compassionate looks from all three of them, before Luke said:

"In case that happens, you'll be there for her, I know you will. And you will help her. It'll work out Cal. Everything always works out, even if you can’t see it yet."

[sorcerous-caress]

Don’t worry, I went to sleep and I’m at university and a whole adult so you aren’t corrupting the youth or anything.

Jubilee is a gold dragon sorcerer, and I have a hell of a lot of thoughts surrounding that she jokes that she’s biologically obligated to worship Bahmut but maintains that Justice really isn’t her thing. Her companions usually tease her about this because she’s generally such a goody two shoes but she maintains that compassion and justice are extremely different and compassion is the superior option by a lot.

I also think most draconic sorcerers have keener than normal senses with her large ears Jubilee is practically a radar dish and her sense of smell is on point. It’s very useful and actually is great because most illusions don’t account for smells so she’s quite good at sniffing them out. Unfortunately these overly keen senses can lead to some pretty severe sensory overload and she has to bury her face in someone’s shoulder and try too block everything out, I like to imagine Karlach bought her earmuffs at one point trying too help but Jubilee’s floppy rabbit ears are too big for them.

I also think that if Jubilee uses too much magic (aka runs out of spell slots) feral dragon brain takes over. She still retains her personality as a sweetheart so the worst she ever really does is hiss at someone and lay on Karlach like she's a warm rock but it's absolutely hilarious to watch their normal overly chatty and charismatic leader just go creature for a few hours. Jaheria and Halsien will wild shape to join her so it's bonding time.

The best and most practiced draconic sorceress in the lore of D&D can sometimes ascend to become actual dragons Jubilee has no real interest in this however Lae’del found out and is constantly badgering Jubilee to do it and be her Dragon mount. She maintains that since Astarion didn’t get to ascend it is only fair that she doesn’t either.

She says “my friends are my horde” like it's a joke, it is not she loves them, treasures them and guards them as fiercely as any Dragon would protect its horde. Other thing in her hordes included various insects (because she thinks they are neat little guys) and recipes (because she is a baker and cooking for people is her love language.)

I can not stress how much Jubilee adores each and every one of her companions because she does to pieces, even astarion (he is lucky Jubilee has more love in her heart than I do)

She seems so lovable, She is really keen on showering all the companions with all the love they never got, which honestly yeah. Love is the best medicine especially after traumatic events.

Halsin, Jaheira, and Karlach would probably adore her creature mode. First two because they can relate and Karlach because she thinks it's absolutely adorable.

She seems like the kind of person who is immune to being teased or bullied because she is so sincere and pure hearted that the offender just feels bad or backs off. Like if someone was mean to her, she'd disregard it and ask if they're okay or need help, completely taking people by surprise and making them feel ashamed of their actions.

Maybe she can be a sister or a friend figure to Asterion, god knows he needs platonic love so desperately. He is akin to a wet cat in a basket with a soggy cardboard cutout saying "adopt me" above it.

She does seem very selfless to a self sabotaging degree, Minthara would try to half a talk with her about it maybe. Halsin might encourage it or make it worse because he is like that too.

And the companions as her hoard thing, yeah, I relate to it! My sorcerer did the same thing, except it just resulted in them being more controlling, possessive, and protective.

I don't care what Mystra says Gale, you belong here.

Shadowheart sit your ass back down, I'm talking to Viconia when we get down there.

Vlaakith can suck my massive cock, Laezel, the gith hunters can claw you out of my cold dead hands.

Also, the second they unlocked level 11, they just flew everywhere. Even places that are walking distance, they just kept flying on buildings and forgetting their companions back down.

I made them carry my 100,000 gold worth gem pouch because it got too heavy, it was a privilege to the most favourite of the day tho.

Mostly Halsin, no one else really had the inventory space tbh. The dead clown body parts couldn't carry itself.

[bluesky88diary]

Last night dreams brough me bad feelings. Don’t remember what exactly it was about. Traveling among some weird places, more like a video game, totally messed up dreams. When I woke up a temptation came to give up everything and travel among digital words. You know, when you are sleepy brain is unclear and weak. Then thinking about you that feeling was the least welcoming thing, because it’s the same as hurt you, make you feel pain from indifference and hopelessness to ever meet each other. Thus I pushed that stupid idea to waste even a little time in video games, merely like terrible nightmare. I filled my mind with warm thoughts about you, how are you there. But then text message resounded from my phone. Somebody tried to use my bank account without permission, so I didn’t approve it and card was locked. Another worry to deal with… What a morning!

Got up and went downstairs to the room I cleaned up recently. Now it’s nice and neat place. I can read there and pray, and nobody is bothering me there. Calm place I wished to have. Also I wish to share with you many things but linger on, because don’t want to make many messed up videos, merely wait to make it the best possible. Yeah, at one side I want to do things the best possible, but at another side I could give you more attention and love. Sigh!

Even though, I think now about poems I sent you for mother’s day. They reflect how I feel about you. But maybe it could be too much for your heart. I mean, we both want it, but it looks so far away. Even making the best efforts we cannot reach yet that point to be together. So I thought what if you can see those poems like I’m trying to play with your feelings? But I hope those words will warm up your heart, make you feel a little too how I feel about you.

I know how difficult is to make such important decisions. Especially for us, people with infj mindset. The most I wish for calm peaceful life with beloved. However, the battle between good and evil is cruel, and we cannot merely bypass it, leave it away. Evil angels hate happy families the most, because there can be seen pure love and glory of God. Darkness won’t ever like sunshine to shine. I wish we don’t have to worry anymore about wrong decisions and mistakes, merely be happy and live good lives. But we have to keep in mind that without Jesus we cannot withstand such a cruel pressure. So I can understand why it’s very difficult to make a step. Alone we can confidently persuade our goal, but in relationships isn’t an easy thing to take responsibility for both, or better say share this responsibility, trust and hope, believe after all that all things will come together for good. Choice is difficult, do I have to invest my time to move confidently ahead, or merely persuade a chance to meet you and hope it will work out somehow. At this moment the most I wish to have a glance at the future to make decisions what can be the best, merely to see where each road leads. But how that is possible? When my heart so much longs to your heart, might be the best merely to be together and don’t worry anymore about possibility to lose each other, because if you have the most precious then all the rest isn’t that much important, we can get through whatever else together. Today family remains like a dream yet. Maybe something very important has to be done before to don’t make things worse after. Many questions require a lot of patience. Thus let’s use opportunities we have and do our best, trust and hope our Heavenly Father will bring us together one day. How much I wish for that day!

Many crazy things were done, but today I want to become more reliable family person. And the only woman I see a part of my family is you.

I want to cheer you up at your difficult days too. Don't let grey clouds overshadow your sunshine. I love you so much, dear SY.

[steddielations]

Based on this fanart!

Eddie gets into Steve’s interests too.

Steve doesn’t have many hobbies apart from babysitting and sports, but over the years, he’s come to love being outside. That’s how he found skull rock, wandering in the woods for hours. It clears his mind, getting away from everything. He likes to run too and get his heart pumping, work out his stress.

Eddie was never one for the outdoors, he prefers to be holed up in his room playing guitar, planning campaigns, reading, watching movies and stuff. But he decides to give the “outside thing” a chance because Steve has always been so great about trying Eddie’s interests, so Eddie wants to do the same for him, and agrees to go on a hike together.

“I can’t believe this is your idea of romance,” Eddie groans, slapping a mosquito off his arm.

“Hey, I never said it was romantic,” Steve shrugs, he looks so put together with his sunglasses and fancy running shoes, while Eddie’s a mess after only a couple hours of hiking. God, if Eddie didn’t love him so much, he’d hate him.

“It was implied when you asked me on a date to the woods with you,” Eddie tucks the stray hairs back into his bun, going for casual despite his tired arms feeling like jelly, “You know, if you wanted to see me all hot and sweaty, there’s other, easier, much more pleasurable ways to do it.”

Steve snorts, “This was your idea. You wanted to come.”

“Because I’m a good boyfriend who wants to do the stuff you like with you.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks, automatically reaching for Eddie’s hands to help him step over a large rock because he’s just so perfect like that, “I do like all the stuff we normally do together.”

“Yeah but it’s always my stuff, and you don’t make fun of it and you like it cause you’re just so damn perfect, and I wanted to do the same for you.”

Except he’s failing miserably, trying to hide how badly he wants it to be over, trying to be as perfect for Steve as Steve is for him.

“Oh.” Steve looks stunned, like he didn’t realize he’s worth such a gesture and it makes Eddie want to shower him with affection until he knows how much he means to him, “Well that’s… sweet of you.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s gonna lose all sentiment if I pass out trying to impress you. How much further? Jesus, how are you not tired at all!”

“Some of us actually participated in gym instead of selling weed under the bleachers,” Steve smirks and Eddie’s heart skips not just from exertion, “We probably should’ve taken a shorter hike for your first time. Maybe we should go back.”

“What? No, y’know the nature thing isn’t so bad once you get passed the bug bites and the sunburn and the muscle aches,” Eddie tries to keep going but Steve comes to a stop in front of him, brows furrowed in concern behind his sunglasses, “I mean, my legs are totally supposed to feel like noodles, right? I’m doing great.”

Steve reaches out, gently brushing Eddie’s sweaty hair off his forehead, “I think you’ve pushed yourself hard enough, baby, your face is beet red, you’re shaking. We’re going back now. Here hop on, I’m carrying you to the car.”

He doesn’t offer any room for argument, kneeling down so Eddie can climb onto his back. As humiliating as it is, Eddie relents because he’s honestly exhausted. He locks his sore arms and legs around Steve, clinging to him, quiet for most of the way, feeling like he ruined the whole thing.

Steve must sense it, because he jokes, “Gotta say, I’m really feeling the romance now.”

Eddie smiles against the warm skin of Steve’s neck, “Shut up, I hate you.”

“No you love me,” he can hear the soft smile in Steve’s words, “You did this for me.”

He shouldn’t sound so amazed by that. As if there’s anything Eddie wouldn’t do for this damn boy.

“And I’ll do it again,” Eddie accentuates his point with a kiss to Steve’s cheek, “And again,” another, “And again until I get better at it.”

Steve chuckles, squeezing Eddie’s thighs teasingly, “You don’t have to, not if you don’t want to.”

“I wanna do everything with you, sweetheart,” Eddie says, means it, “Love you.”

And they do go hiking again, they go on lots more, shorter hikes on cooler days. Steve always brings a backpack with extra water, and snacks and bug spray and sunscreen and whatever else Eddie might need to stay comfortable.

Which, Eddie insists that Steve needs those things too. It sort of pangs his chest every time Steve only seems to remember his own needs as an afterthought, but it’s okay, they take care of each other.

Eddie finds that he doesn’t mind “the outside” so much when he’s with Steve. On every hike, he’ll pick up a cool rock or a shiny chunk of minerals and give it to Steve, who always says “oh nice, thanks, babe” and shoves it in his pocket.

Sometimes they see animals and name them after rockstars or Steve’s favorite basketball players. Sometimes they talk a lot, other times they’re more quiet, just holding hands as they tread through the leaves together.

Eddie’s favorite hikes are the ones right at dusk. They have a spot high up in the woods that no one else would ever be able to find, with the best view of the sunset over Lover’s Lake. They always sit and watch the colors melt into the water, Steve’s head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, smiling softly with Eddie’s arm around him.

It’s their spot, it’s their place to be alone together, it’s another one of their things and Eddie loves it, he loves everything with Steve.

[biracialdisaster]

Focus

Pure smutty nonsense. A few friends and I - @spooky-ghosts, @babblydrabbly and @a-reader-and-a-writer decided we should all sit on Tom!Peter's face, so, here's my contribution. I'm going straight to hell. It's fine; they probably have the nice cookies there.

Words: 1,137 ~ Content: Smut, face-sitting, oral sex, P in V sex, fluff, Peter is CEO of stark!industries, future Peter/Peter Parker AU.

You can tell it’s been a bad day as soon as the door shuts behind him. Not a slam, not the heft of a normal door closing, but a quiet snick of the lock in place, and when you poke your head out of the kitchen to see him, he’s just standing there, head slightly bowed, his tie loose, jacket already off and folded over his arm, and he looks defeated.

And you can’t allow that. Peter is everything that’s good and right and true in the world, and you hate it when the world piles on top of him like this.

“Hey,” you say, crossing to him. You take the jacket, hang it up, and then frame his face with your hands. “How did it go?”

He sighs, draws his lower lip between his teeth thoughtfully. “Not sure.”

“But Stark Industries has a five year high in profits, right? Plus all that PR from Tony’s plans that you finally steered to fruition.”

Peter shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t know. I feel out of my depth with all these reports and meetings and presentations. Like everyone’s looking at me, wondering what I’m doing there. I just feel like I'm hardly holding it together. You know? Like Tony seemed chaotic but he had it under control, and I maybe don't, and they look at me and all they see is this kid, playing pretend in a fancy suit." He exhales, and all the fight goes out of him. "But here, with you, I don't have to pretend. Don't have to be anything but Peter."

You fold him into a hug. Sweet, sweet man. His heart is the size of the ocean, and just as deep. “I never want you to be anything but Peter.”

He kisses the top of your head, and you breathe him in. He’s never been one for fancy cologne, even after a few years as Stark Industries’ CEO, even though he has to go to all these jumped-up gala things. He isn’t flashy, or showy, he’s just – Peter.

“Show me,” he says, softly, and you smile and take his hand, and lead him upstairs and into the quiet of your bedroom. The big picture window overlooks the distant lake. It’s a serene space, one you insisted on after Peter took over Stark Industries. For some headspace, you’d said, and you never once regretted it.

You look down into his bottomless brown eyes. His gaze is soft, and trusting, and you love him even more in this moment.

Peter follows you through the room obediently and you walk him to the bed, gently push at his shoulders until he gets the message and lets himself fall on to his back. It's powerful, and heady and arousing that you get to see him like this. You straddle him, one knee on either side of his hips. "Now I've got you."

He slides his hands up your thighs. "And what're you gonna do with me?"

“Anything I want,” you whisper.

Peter’s eyes go dark and hot. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Yeah. Do that.”

You start slow, unwinding his half-loosened tie and unbuttoning his shirt enough that his collarbone peeks up from above the neck of his under shirt. It’s weirdly sexy, this extra layer that he wears before you can get to smooth, warm skin.

You bite him just there, slow enough that it won’t be seen, but enough to mark him as yours. He arches into you, suit trousers and all, and you grind against him, and it’s not enough but it’s everything at the same time.

You groan his name as you worry another little love bite into his chest, through the thin cotton of his vest, and he spears his fingers into your hair, holding you in place. You allow it, grinding down into him, both of you getting wetter and more aroused as the seconds tick by.

“Wanna taste you,” Peter whispers above your head. “When you’re over me, like that, I can’t think about anything but how good you smell. How good you feel. I want that. That singular focus.”

Your inner muscles clench at his throaty words. You want that, too.

You wiggle off him for a moment and discard your underwear, bunching your dress up in your hands. When you return to the bed, Peter sits up and wraps his arms around you, tugging you into a soft, needy kiss. His lips are warm and tender and you lose yourself in the kiss for an unknown number of heartbeats, loving him more than he could ever know.

You’ve seen him disarm criminals, otherworldy bad guys with webbing and gymnastics and math, you’ve seen him tinker with science and contraptions and make amazing things, you’ve seen him laugh and cry, but this needy side of him, that he shows only to you, is what rubs you raw.

“Please,” he murmurs, and you push gently at his shoulders so that he lies down again, and then you move up his body and clamp your hands on the headboard as Peter settles his hands on your thighs.

He breathes in deeply, sighing with pleasure.

“Thought about this all day,” he says.

Your muscles start fluttering as he noses through your curls.

“Bein’ with you like this…. Can’t tell you how much I love it. It’s like time stops and it’s just us. Nothing else gets in.”

The first touch of his tongue makes you freeze for a moment, before you relax into his familiar motions. The little grunts of satisfaction he makes spur you on, and before you know it you’re wiggling down as far as you can without suffocating him, pressing into the press and swirl of his tongue where you need it most.

He circles that little bud of pleasure at your apex once, twice, and then you’re gone, coming hard with little breathless cries of his name.

When you finally pull back, he’s smiling slightly, that blissed-out look parading over his handsome features.

You shuffle down his body and kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips. “That was amazing.”

“I aim to please.”

“So do I.” You unzip his suit pants, pull him free from his boxers. He’s hard and aching, but he hasn’t mentioned it; he wouldn’t. He gives and gives and you have to make sure that he takes, too. You line him up, meeting his lust-drunk gaze, and slide down until he’s fully seated. It’s the most fantastic feeling. You both shiver a little, and then Peter grips your hips, encouraging you to move, and you ride him to orgasm, when the white-hot pleasure in his veins washes off all the stresses of the day.

And then you order pizza and eat it in bed, tired and happy, watching the sun set over the shimmer of the lake.

------

[yesimwriting]

BloodRoots in the Suburbs - chapter two

Chapter Two: Kill Habits, Not people

prologue 

Chapter One: The Babysitter 

*pls let me know if you prefer longer chapters with longer times between updates or shorter chapters that are up faster,, i’m trying to work out a writing schedule lol

a/n yall i just woke up and the amount of support this fic has gotten has made my heart feel so warm!! love yall!! and if you like it so far just wait until we get to the chapters i need to listen to taylor swift to write lmao 

...also off topic but they’re putting harry styles in the mcu?? yeah they did that for me i love it 

Series Summary: Bloodroots are such a strange flower--white and innocent looking yet undeniably poisonous. It has no place in the safest neighborhood in CA. Then again, neither do you. The suburbs are killing you, and no one understands that...at least you think no one does. I see that in the way you roll your eyes when your sister presses the issue of when you’re going to get back on your feet. I see that restlessness when you’re in the small plot of land that you’ve actually managed to turn into some type of garden. I see you; I understand you. And if it wasn’t for the confines I bear to protect my son, I’d let you know that. But for now, I settle for knowing that the two of us are equally trapped, and I take some solace in that. I feel bad about it, I do, considering that from what I’ve gathered you spent most of your life being considered the perfect, ideal golden girl that was nothing but potential. And now you’re no longer the gifted child, the one that’s first to raise their tiny hand in class, the one that knows everything. But that’s okay--because I’ll make my selfishness up to you.

Chapter Summary: What’s a cup of coffee between two neighbors? Nothing, until Joe realizes that people die a lot easier than habits do. 

Joe’s POV

Who the fuck is Ashton?

Your sister is texting you to not come home for awhile in case he’s on the way to her house. Your house.

Maybe the person calling you is more of a problem than I thought. I want to help you, I really do, but I’m not sure I can justify it yet. I’m not alone anymore, I have a son to think about, and with how impulsive Love is, I need to keep myself under control. Henry can’t grow up with two murderers as parents, he’ll end up in the system and I know what that does to a child. 

But I won’t let anyone hurt you, either. I promise.

You come back with no warning. “Hey, have you seen my phone? I thought it was in my back pocket, but--”

I turn the screen of your phone off. “Just found it.” 

You don’t even look at me oddly before taking it. You’re not suspicious at all. Are you always this trusting? The kind of trusting people like Ashton have no problem taking advantage of? Your home screen turns on--another text? From your sister or the source of the problem? You frown, your eyebrows faintly drawing together. 

“Something wrong?”

This isn’t about confirming what I know. What I’m really trying to figure out is how much you trust me, how much you’re willing to tell me. You shrug off your concern, shoving your phone into the back pocket of your jeans as you look back at me. “Worried older sisters, a tale as old as time.” 

Worried older sisters? Are you really this dismissive about the issue, or are you putting up a brave front for the neighbor you don’t really know yet? I thought we already had more than that. 

“...And ex-boyfriend’s tend to exasperate that instinct.”

So there is more of a connection here than just a distant, neighborly politeness. You let me know that it’s not all in my head, and I’m thankful for that. I’m also thankful that I know what Ashton is. Ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend so bad you still feel the need to downplay everything he’s done to you, but you can’t hide all of it. Not from anyone that takes the time to note the look behind your eyes. Not from anyone that cares to pay attention. The rest of the world might be ignoring you, willing to let you fend for yourself, but not me, y/n. You’re not alone.

I wish there was a way to let you know that. But I can’t say it to you, not yet. “A boyfriend from New York?” 

Your frown makes me regret me regret mentioning where you’re from. The fact that you’re from New York and that you left the city in less than amicable circumstances is no secret. I understand needing to disappear and having limited options, but you picked a hell of place for privacy. 

“Yeah.” You wipe your hands on your jeans. “He’s from New York.”

I can save this, there has to be something I can say to get you to stop looking like a kicked puppy. It might have been too soon to test the waters around the New York subject. You’re resigned, tired about the inevitable conversation that forces you to relive what you believe are mistakes.

“And you need a break from New York?” An obvious question, I know, but I need to hear you say it. Maybe you don’t belong there anymore. I’m not deluded enough to think that you could ever belong here, but there must be somewhere...not LA, not again. Maybe you belong somewhere like DC now, the Washington Post would be lucky to have you, and there are a lot of bookstores there, old bookstores that could--

No. No. There’s no way for me to insert myself into your future. I can’t...I’m not supposed to try to. I hold Henry a little tighter, trying to remind myself why I have to be careful. “From him--I don’t need a break, I need an early retirement with a...401K.” You’re funnier than I realized, I’ll never doubt you again. “From New York, I don’t know. I can’t live with my sister forever, but I--sometimes I feel like I need the city, which is a weird thing to feel.” 

You’re meant for more than the mundane, of course being surrounded by it makes you feel like you’re disappearing. I understand that; I understand you. “It’s not.” 

Your eyes soften. You’re not used to being seen without someone asking for something in return. In New York, you thought people were seeing the real you when you wrote, but the moment the editors saw your talent, they exploited it. They squandered you, and you’re just starting to see it. 

“There are other cities.” You have a talent for knowing when you’re treading on serious grounds. I can feel you turning away, maneuvering your feelings in a way that has to be practiced. “News never ends in Washington.” 

I smile more than I should. Already, we’re on the same wave length. Like we’re meant to be, like I was always supposed to find you. Find you here, not in New York where you believed that you ran the world and I believed that my one was Guinevere Beck. Here--where I need you and you need me. 

“I think DC’s worthwhile.” I’m trying to let you go, I really am. “But I...I don’t know much about it.” 

You nod once, no sign of rejection on your face. “Neither do I, to be honest.” I want to tell you that we can learn about it together. I want you to picture a world in which we’re together. I want--I want you. “Well, thank you for letting me watch Henry, I should go before I overstay my welcome.” Like you could ever do that. “You must be tired from work.”

Do you really think I don’t want you here? And what about the text your sister sent you? Are you going to dismiss it? Maybe when you brushed it off as your sister being overprotective, you weren’t trying to appear together in front of a stranger. Is that how you actually feel? Your sister seemed to be scared of him. She said he was crazy enough to get on a plane and come here. He knows you don’t want to talk to him, he could be dangerous. For all we know, he wants to hurt you, y/n. 

Your phone rings. I know you want to hide the way you’re feeling, but I see it. The way your body tenses. “Not too tired.” You nod once, so distracted you’re not questioning why I don’t ask about the phone call. “Do you want me to walk you back?” 

You almost smile. I can feel what you almost say: it’s just across the street. “I um...I think I’m going to go to that coffee place at the end of main street before I go back.” At least you’re listening to your sister. “My sister doesn’t keep it in the house anymore, I think a part of her believes that if it’s in her cupboards the toxins will leak into everything and somehow make it into her uterus.” The moment the words are out of your mouth, you cringe, shutting your mouth. “I can’t believe I just said that out loud. I sound like a sucky person and I just said the word ‘uterus’ to you.” You grimace again. “And now I’ve said it twice.” You shake your head, apologetic. “I’m just gonna go before I say something else dum--” 

“No, no.” It’s nowhere near the worst I’ve heard. Love felt comfortable expressing all of her pregnancy. “I um...I could actually go for some coffee.” I shouldn’t be doing this. I--I have to do this. Someone could be after you. “And Henry needs his daily walk.” Too definitive, I need to ease off. “If it’s not an imposition. You know, if you want your alone time, I totally get it, after dealing with--” 

“No.” Your chin tilts less than an inch upwards. You want me to go with you. “I like company, but definitely don’t feel like you have to.” 

“I definitely don’t feel like I have to.”

You smile. The look erases all of my hesitation. “Okay...then let’s go.” 

With Henry in his stroller, we walk outside. I try to casually watch your sister’s house--there’s no new car in the drive way, and there’s nothing to indicate that someone that’s not supposed to be there is inside.

 As we pass the houses down the street, you stay at what you consider a safe distance...but it wouldn’t take much for me to get our hands to touch. You want me to have the option to brush our fingers together, the option to hold your hand. 

All of us walking together to get a mid afternoon coffee. It feels natural. Like we’re supposed to be one family. You feel it the way you felt our connection in your front yard. You still don’t have a name for this feeling, and it’s starting to pull at you, but you’re not as uncomfortable as you were the first time you felt it. That’s how we’ll be--you’ll see that there’s nothing scary about being seen as long as I’m the one looking.

I’m going to let you go. I let out a breath, doing all I can to focus on what’s directly in front of me. Henry is calm in his stroller, but his presence is enough to remind me what I’m holding myself back for. I’ll do anything for my son, which means I need to stay with Love, which means there’s no guarantee I can protect you from her. 

“You’re going to be disappointed in my coffee order.” The comment comes with no warning, and neither does your sudden lightness.

“Disappointed?” I know you have to hear the smile in my voice, but there’s no point in trying to hide how your good humor makes everything feel right. This is how it’s supposed to be. 

You nod, turning your head slightly to watch me as you walk. “My coffee order is painfully un-enigmatic.” 

Un-enigmatic? I laugh. Okay, I’ll give you that one. “One, you’re implying that a coffee order is a worthy indicator of whether one is or isn’t an enigma. Two, un-enigmatic isn’t a word.” 

“Is to.” 

“Is not.” 

Your eyebrows draw together sharply and your lips press together into a line I have no choice but to describe as obstinate, but the corner of your mouth betrays you, tilting upwards and letting me know that you’re fighting a smile. Our argument is nothing more than a way to pass time, but your expression just makes me want to give in. It makes me want to give in on anything. You can be right about everything forever. 

“I used it in an article once, multiple editors read it, and none crossed it out.”

The warmth that returned to you is beginning to fade. You’re thinking of The New York Times again, of what they did to you. Of what that asshole editor accused you of so that he could get away with the way he harasses female writers. “Yeah, and since when is the New York Times known for their judgement?” You smile, but it’s nothing like the one before. This one is for my sake. “Not since they let you go, that’s for sure.” 

Your grin isn’t exactly happy, but it’s not sad either. I’ll take it for now. “Thanks.” 

“I’m serious, the idiot that fired you is going to regret it.” 

You tilt your head slightly to get a better look at me. “The ‘idiot that fired me’ has two Pulitzer Prizes.” 

“So?” How could he be better than you? You’re half his age and already working directly beneath him. He probably used that scandal as an excuse to get rid of you before you could lap him. “One day, you’ll have three.” 

You drop your head when you think I’m not looking so that I can’t see the way you’re trying to fight a real smile. I’m not exaggerating, y/n. Look at how far you’ve come with no one particularly looking out for you. Imagine how successful you could be if I was there for you. “And you’ll be able to say you knew me when.” 

We’re only a few steps away from the coffee shop. “That I will.” 

I try to open the door for you, but you beat me to it, holding it open so that I can push the stroller through the entrance. When the door falls shut, you don’t hesitate to wander towards the back of the coffee shop. You stop at a table that’s tucked far away enough from the window that people walking by won’t immediately notice you, but not so far that you’re distant from sunlight. Your life must revolve around that--wanting to be in the sun, but being afraid of the window. 

We sit across from each other, Henry’s stroller tucked out of the way, between a wall and our table. “So what is your un-enigmatic coffee order?” 

You place your hands on the table, leaning towards me in a way that makes the collar of your shirt lower itself slightly, hinting at just a little more cleavage than what would be considered polite. Are you being more than friendly? “Caramel iced latte, extra cold foam.”

...At least you’re honest. 

“Don’t laugh.” 

I tried not to, y/n. “I am--I’m not laughing.” Your eyebrows draw together, skeptical. “I am just appreciating your honesty.” 

The way you glare at me makes it even harder to keep a straight face. “Appreciating my honesty? Really?” 

“Yes.” You don’t believe me and I can’t even blame you for it. “Your coffee order isn’t funny.” You raise an eyebrow. “It’s not, it’s the--it’s the way you presented it. Who describes a coffee order as a way to determine whether someone is or isn’t an enigma?” 

You blink, a hint of doubt on your face. “What’s your coffee order?”

A change of topic, I’ll let you have it. “Half a packet of cream.” 

Your eyebrows draw together, frowning in surprise. “That’s it? That’s your whole order?” I nod once, you frown in a way that makes it hard to keep my smile in check. “That is so not fair.”

Okay, you can’t get mad at me for laughing at that. “How?” 

“Because that’s the kind of coffee order that’s like...full of intrigue, and mystery and--” You sigh, grinning, “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

I wish I could. “Save your debate for when I get back with our coffees.” 

You turn as I stand. “I can get my coffee--” 

“No, no, you stay here with Henry.” You’re not convinced, you’re not used to people doing things for you the way you do things for them. I turn away before you can say anything else. You’ll get used to people doing things for you. 

I walk up to the counter, ordering the coffee and paying for it as the barista makes it. When I come back, you’re looking at your phone. Do you look worried, or is that in my head? You smile when you see me, pocketing your phone as I sit down across from you. 

“Your unremarkable, un-mysterious coffee.” 

You like that I’m joking, that we can have banter. “Thank you.” You take the cup from me, the tips of our fingers brushing. Could that have been on purpose? “How much do I owe you for the coffee.” 

“Nothing.” It’s the truth--after all you’ve given me, what’s the cost of a five dollar cup of coffee? 

You don’t seem to see it my way, that’s why you’re glaring in a way I think you imagine is intimidating. “Joe.” 

I take a sip of coffee. “Y/n.” I use the same sharp tone that you used. “Hey, I still owe you money from babysitting.” 

“I told you, you don’t--” 

“And I told you, you’re getting paid whether you want to be or not.” 

You hold your hands up in mock defense, easing into your seat. “Fine, but this better come out of that.”

I mean this with only love, y/n, but that’s never happening. “Okay, I concede.” Your eyebrows draw together, you’re still suspicious. I need to change the subject. “So how was Henry?” 

“Amazing, you may have the world’s greatest baby.” 

“He was putting on a show for you.” 

You laugh slightly between sips of your drink. “Sarah told me you guys were new here.” 

“We moved for Henry, you can’t beat the schools.” You nod, even though school districts have nothing to do with your world. You want to understand me. “I lived in LA for awhile, but I’m from Brooklyn.”

The corner of your mouth turns upwards. The city, something in your wheelhouse, something you know how to understand. “Brooklyn?” I nod. “Do you ever miss New York?” 

Oh, this conversation. There’s only so much I can tell you about New York. “Sometimes, but sometimes you have to know when it’s time to let something go.” Like this--I need to take my own advice and let you go. Henry coos, reminding me of the permanent link I have to the unstable monster that would kill you if she ever even suspected I’ve thought about you.

“You’re right.” You nod, trying not to frown. You’re thinking of what happened to you, of what you’ve lost. “But sometimes that’s easier said than done.” 

I know exactly how you feel. “If letting go was easy, there’d be less screwed up people in the world.” 

You tilt your head to the side, something warm outshining the shadows of your past. See, y/n, I can help you. “That’s fair.” You take a sip of coffee, a bit of foam lingering above your top lip. 

“You um...you’ve got some...” You look down, embarrassed as you wipe at the spot right next to the patch of foam. 

“Did I get it?” 

“Um.” You’re watching me carefully...or is it expectantly? I move my hand slowly, giving you every opportunity to stop me that I know you won’t take. My thumb brushes against the top of your lip, the rest of my fingers gently pressing beneath your jaw. The foam isn’t there anymore, but my thumb still is. 

I can’t move away. I don’t want--I can’t let you go. There has to be a way for things to work out...don’t I owe it to us to try? You’re my one, y/n, I know it. I’ve always believed in the concept, the one person you’re meant for, your one soulmate. Candace wasn’t committed, Beck was a child that kept choosing ways to hurt herself, Natalie only saw me as entertainment, and Love...she’s unstable. But you--you’re worth fighting for. It might be messy, but there has to be a way, love always finds a way. I don’t have to be some kind of handcuff, maybe there’s a way for us to have everything. Maybe there’s a way for us to have Washington together. 

I’ve felt sure that I found the one before, but this...it’s different. I know it is. 

 I brush my thumb along the slope of your lips, feeling your warmth, your softness. You hold still, your eyes are wide, like a deer caught in headlights. 

You want this too, you feel our connection and it scares you for so many reasons. You’re not the type to go after a married man, much less a married neighbor with an infant son. And after what happened in New York, you’re in no state to take risks. You’re also just generally scared of being known and cared for--probably because of Ashton, who--if your sister’s texts are to be believed--probably a stalker. 

All of these things are reasons for you to back away, but you don’t. If anything, you lean closer as much as you dare, just angling your head slightly. Your lips part and I hold my breath. What are you going to say?

A ringing sound forces reality to crash around us. You pull back completely, muttering a quick--and awkward--thank you, before checking your phone. If I didn’t have it out for Ashton before, I really do now.

You frown--are you upset that we were interrupted or is something else wrong? “Anything important?”

“No,” the response comes a little too fast, and you can’t quite look me in the eye. That’s okay--I’m affected by the moment we just shared too. I can be patient, I can put in the work that I need to so that you can feel comfortable being cared for. “I um--loose ends in New York.” 

Loose ends that fly out because you won’t answer their obsessive phone calls? “Oh.” 

“Nothing bad,” you assure me with one quick nod. “Editors keep reaching out.” 

Oh, a tale as old as the social media age. You may not have benefited from a post #metoo world, but they still want you to be apart of it. They want to make you the latest of the club of petty, scorned women. They’ll have you work on a book a ghostwriter helps you with so that it can published before the news cycle can get bored of you and then they’ll send you to onto one of those talk shows where women yell at other women in the name of empowerment. They want you to take an injustice and re-market it into something viral--it’s a brutal blow to feminism, but as far as career strategies go, it’s not the worst. 

But you don’t want that. You don’t really know what you want, that’s why you came here...into a town that could have come from that universe in A Wrinkle in Time. “Oh, should I expect a tell-all?” 

You look away from your phone screen, wrinkling your nose. The look tells me I was right about you. You find the idea of exploiting what you’ve gone through nauseating. Maybe one day you’ll be able to talk about it, write about it even, and make the asshole that decided his dick was worth more than your career suffer, but you need time. You need someone to help you heal. “No, I can’t even write a cohesive email about what happened let alone--” You cut yourself off, reaching for your cup even though most of what’s left is ice. You don’t want to talk about this, especially not with me yet. I’m still a little more than a nice stranger, someone to be polished around. I can wait until I’m not, so I let it go. “At this point they’d take anything, but...” 

Anything? Now that’s different--don’t get me wrong, it’s still an exploitation of what you went through so that some publishing house can get money, but at least they’re letting you pick the format. “But?” 

You tap your nails on the counter. You’re nervous now. “I’ve always wanted to write a book, but like this...it feels like--god, this is going to sound stupid.” 

How could anything causing you so much stress be stupid? “You’ve told me your coffee order, I doubt it’s worse than that.” 

You look up again, almost smiling. You appreciate the joke. “It feels like cheating.” I don’t react because I know from the way that you blurted out the words like you were ripping off the world’s most adhesive bandaid, there’s more. “If I write a book, and it gets attention and everything I’ve ever wanted works out...and it’s because agents and publishers were interested in me because of what he did--it feels like cheating. It feels like my entire career will be his, and that’s exactly what he said.” Your eyes are wider now, practically glazed over. Please don’t cry over him--I don’t know what I’ll do if I see you cry over him. I don’t know if I have the self control to not search up flights to New York the second you walk away if you start crying because of him. “Forget I said anything--I told you it was stupid. And it’s not like I’ve really been able to write anything since...”

It was worse than the papers said. I don’t know how anyone could talk to you about it and not see it. He did more than just offer you something...he really hurt you. The man’s name had been kept out of several articles, but I know he wouldn’t be hard to find. He wouldn’t be hard to get rid of. You weren’t the first young writer he said he wanted to work with, you’re just the first to say something. There are no doubt more victims who were silenced, who settled in court but got nothing. It wouldn’t make me a bad person to get rid of him. I know I don’t want to do things that could make me a bad parent, but I don’t think this would. I mean, I don’t want to raise my son in a world in which men like the one that hurt women like you get away with it with no consequences. 

“Y/n, there is no world, no universe, even, in which he gets credit for anything you do.” You nod, your expression softening slightly but not exactly relaxing. I don’t blame you, you’ve probably been told that by every person that you’ve told that to. I watch you carefully, desperate for any clue on how to help. How can I take your hurt away, y/n? Tell me and I’ll do it, please. “Do you want him dead?”

Shit--I shouldn’t have said that. You’ve known me for less than 48, you don’t have any background on my sense of humor yet, maybe I can play it off as a joke? Shit, you’re still looking at me like that. 

“What?” 

“I kind of exaggerated, a little, but I was just trying to see how angry you are. Not that you’d kill him, or that anyone would, but there’s this saying about anger and sadness and how most anger is just sadness...but that’s bullshit, because you should be angry--but not murderously angry, it’s--” 

You save me from myself with a laugh. An almost teary, awkward laugh. “Relax, I didn’t think you meant it literally.” Thank god. “I don’t know how angry I am--it comes and goes, and--sometimes I think I wouldn’t mind pulling off a kind of The Count of Monte Cristo-esque situation.” Are you joking? Do you want him gone? “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“At least it’s the murder that involves the least violence.” 

You don’t quite smile, but at least you’re relaxed again. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

You shrug before relaxing further into your seat. You’re trying to shrink away from me, from what you feel. “The company, the coffee, not making me feel crazy.” 

“Anytime.” You nod, finally smiling again. “No I mean it--literally ‘any time’, my only options for friends here are men that virtual reality their porn, and spend a lot of time in the wilderness for no reason other than that they can, and men that make me drink caviar flavored, zero calorie energy drinks.” You laugh, the sound so genuine all of my bad thoughts are forgotten. 

“The wives are nice,” your defense is weak and you know it, “if you actively try to block out most of their gossiping.” So that’s why you’ve buried yourself away, confining yourself to your backyard, and only bearing the real world out of necessity. “Natalie seemed the nicest, but that might just be because she wanted a friend.” Of course you liked Natalie. “It’s terrible, what happened to her.” 

“Yeah, it really is.” 

“Did you know her well?” 

Outside of our almost-affair and then covering up her murder? No, not really. “She was right next door, I saw her but we didn’t talk often. Had a glass of wine with her once, around the time I moved in...but I didn’t know her well enough to be able to talk about her too much now without feeling...” How do I word this in order to get you to stop asking questions I can’t let you ask? 

“I get it. Grieving someone you barely knew because they suffered a tragedy feels weird and kind of wrong if you do it openly.” ...Yeah, not quite, but let’s go with that. “I’m glad you’re honest.”

 Ah, so you’ve met Sherry and you know about the way she twisted Natalie’s interference as a tool to gain more followers. You don’t know it, but this is just proof of how good you are--you won’t even turn your own pain into profit for no reason other than financial. You want to wait until you’re no longer hurt so that you can be tactful, I respect that. 

“I am honest,” I agree, “and I meant it when I said we should do this again.” 

You hesitate because you’re not sure if my offer is out of pity. The way your eyebrows draw together tell me you can’t stand pity. “I’d like that. I’d like to be friends.” 

Friends. If that’s what we need to be for now, I’ll take it. I’ll be patient. And if I want there to be a chance of this working out, I need to be tactful. Which means I can’t let myself get lost in our moments together. Love will be back soon. “Well, friend, I’m ready to go if you are.” 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” 

We walk out together...a little slower than the pace we used to walk here. You’re more at ease now. You’re getting used to talking to me. You ask about my job, what I did before this...I lie as little as possible. You let me get in a few questions. By the time we’re rounding the block, I know that you’re the youngest of three. Your sister is two months shy of being ten years older than you and your brother is four years older than her. You’ve felt like the forgotten child more than you’d ever admit to yourself, but you’re not bitter about it. At least not towards your siblings. Your mother is a mystery...you speak about her like she’s an expensive vase you’ve never been allowed to touch. You never mention a father. You do mention a few good friends: an old roommate waiting for you in New York named Sicily--and you don’t let me get away with laughing at the pretentiousness of naming a child Sicily--and two girls that you used to go to NYU with, Camille and Charlie. 

We’re only a few feet away from your house and I’m sadder than I should be. I’ll see you soon...and if Ashton’s there, waiting for you--

There’s a car in the driveway that wasn’t there before. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s him. The car is nice, it could belong to your brother-in-law--maybe he just got back from work. Or--

“Oh my god...” You stop walking, I tighten my grip on Henry’s stroller. Is it him? What kind of unstable person would follow you from New York? 

The driver’s door is opened, both of us stay still as someone comes out of the car. Their back straightens as they shut the car door. It’s...

“Colin!” Your enthusiasm isn’t making me feel any better. “You’re here!” 

The guy--who is honestly, way too tall for you--walks around the car. You take off, running to hug the stranger. Colin. He didn’t come up today when we were walking back to the coffee shop.

You pull away from the hug first, but Colin seems to try to make it linger. “Colin, you’re here.” 

“You didn’t think I’d leave you here by yourself forever.” Maybe you did, considering that he didn’t. help you in New York.

“No, not forever.” Your tight smile tells me you’re thinking what I was thinking. It’s easy for anyone to come in like the good guy after the aftermath of an incident, but he didn’t jump into the burning building to save. “Please tell me you’re not here on behalf of the agency. I’d hate to have to kick you out.“

He works at an agency? He doesn’t care about you, y/n--he wants to use you the same way everyone else does. Why else would he show up now? If he cared, he would have been there for you before. “One, you can’t kick me out I’m staying in a hotel.” Doesn’t mean she has to let you hang around. “And two, don’t be so cynical--I missed you, babe.” Babe? Don’t be so cynical? Is this really your type, y/n? Sleazy men that are genetically pre-dispositioned to dismiss every emotion a woman feels? “And who’s this...” 

"Oh, this is Joe...and his son, Henry--they live across the street.” How comforting, you didn’t completely forget my existence the moment you saw this guy park his escalade and step out in a suit that’s way too tight for a man his age. Note the sarcasm. 

“Joe.” He doesn’t like me. I know it the moment he looks me in the eye--I can see it, the silent ‘thanks for watching her until I decided I was done being busy, but back off now’. “And Henry.” He waves, i have to bite back to urge to tell him to not look at my son. I’m holding it together for you. “Nice to you meet you guys.” 

“Yeah, good to meet you too, man.” I can be polite for now. For your sake. I need to know who he is. I need to know how large of an obstacle has just been thrown into our already difficult path, and I can’t exactly find out in front of you. “I had fun getting coffee, but if I don’t get Henry back for his nap, his entire schedule will be off. Do you mind if I drop off the baby sitting money off later?” 

“Oh, no--I don’t mind at all, do what you need to do for Henry, and I’ll see you two later.” And I’ll be seeing you first. 

I wave a goodbye to Colin, because I’m holding onto the performance I need to give for you. After I turn around, I hear him whisper a sharply skeptical, “Babysitting?” To which you reply with a terribly giggly, “shut up.”

Who is this loafer wearing, neatly trimmed stubbled asshole? I don’t know, but I know I’m going to find out, because despite all the wrong things you said...you were right about one of them: I’ll see you later. 

--

Taglist: @maggiecc @im-sidney @eveieforeve02 @caitlyn-s-bitch @darkened-writer @qardansngan @a-dorkier-book-keeper @littlebrowngirl @kittykylax @everday-imfangirling 

[dragon-kazansky]

Smile for me | Helmut Zemo

Zemo couldn't stop looking at you. Earlier on Bucky had said something that had you and Sam in stiches, and since then he hadn't been able to stop looking at you. The smile that had been on your face was so pure and full of joy. Your laughter rang like music to his ears. He could still hear it now.

You hadn't laughed or smiled since. You had been all serious game since that moment, and Zemo just couldn't let it go.

How long had it been since he was able to make someone laugh or smile like that? Would he even be able to get you to smile, despite how you perceived him?

He would love to find out.

You were sitting on your own at the moment. Sam had excused himself with his laptop to try and find more information on where the Flag Smashers might be. Bucky had gone for a walk, but you weren't convinced that was all it was.

Zemo was the only other person in the room.

You had a book open in your lap, your thumb brushing along the edge of the page slowly as you absorbed the words. This was the most relaxed you had been since you agreed to come along with Sam and Bucky.

Helmut poured some tea for two and approached you. He put the tray down on the table and took a seat next to you.

"You made me tea?"

You had looked up from the pages of your book to the cup in front of you.

"Yes, is that alright?" Zemo asked, amused by the confusion etched on your face.

"Yes, thank you..."

Zemo watched as you closed the book and put it to one side. You reached out and took the cup he had made for you, letting the tea warm up your hands. You sat back and brought it to your lips.

"It's good."

Zemo smiles. You had yet to smile at him, but he would keep trying. Grabbing his own cup, he made himself comfortable next to you. You seemed content enough to sit next to him.

Once your cup was empty, you put it back down and picked up the book again. Despite the lack of a bookmark, you managed to find where you had left off. Zemo let his gaze rest on you as you lost yourself back within the pages.

You had managed to make him smile just by being you.

You only put the book down again after reaching the end of the chapter. This time around you turn so you're facing him. Zemo hadn't moved since he sat down and you felt bad for ignoring him. That was something you expected to feel considering who he is.

"It's a shame we didn't come to Riga under different circumstances." You sigh.

"Oh? What circumstances would you rather be here under?" Zemo's heart leaped at the fact you were even giving him the time of day. He wouldn't confess that though.

"Well, we need to lay low, which means we can't tour the town."

"You want to go outside?"

"I'd like to see more, not that your safe house isn't lovely, it is."

Zemo grinned. His eyes seemed to light up. "Is that so?"

You nodded your head gently, looking into those deep dark brown eyes of his. Why did his warm gaze make you feel so safe? That's the exact opposite of how you should be feeling either him.

"There is a square just further up the road. I could take you that far." He gave a little shrug.

He saw the way you perked up, sitting more upright, your eyes glistening with interest. He's got you.

"Do you want to go?"

You turn your head in the direction of where Sam had gone.

"I will tell him we are going out, I won't keep you long. If I don't have you back in 15-20 minutes, he can do whatever he wants with me." Zemo raises his hands a bit to show he was serious.

"I won't let him do anything to you, but I would very much like to go out."

Zemo smiles as he gets up and goes to seek out Sam. You wait eagerly. When he returns, Sam in tow, he grabs his coat and slides it on. Sam comes over to you, looking like a big brother about to give a lecture.

"If he tries anything, call me. Bucky is still out, so you let me know. I don't trust him, but I know I trust you. If Zemo so much as makes you think he's up to something, call." Sam glares at Zemo.

You get up from your seat and nod, turning to Zemo and gesturing for him to lead the way.

When you step outside, you stand and let the sun hit you, feeling its warmth. The slight breeze that cuts through the street felt fresh against your skin.

Zemo comes up behind you, placing a hand on your back as he gazes at you.

"Shall we?"

You nod and let him walk with you up the street. There are very few about and it's nice. These buildings around you looked old, yet stunning. You could get used to walking these streets. Maybe you should retire from the whole saving the world thing and live in the backstreet of Europe.

You could dream.

The square opens up just ahead. Still few people were wandering about. Zemo led you to the centre and let you look around. You spun around slowly, taking in the few stalls that were set up, the buildings towering over you, the children playing in one corner. It was so peaceful.

"Do you like what you see?" Zemo asked.

You stop and look at him. You nod. Then, thought it's slight and barely there, you smile.

Zemo swears his heart stops for a moment.

"I do. Thank you."

Helmut takes a step closer to you, his hands down by his side. Those deep dark eyes of his are focused on you.

"That's the first time you have smiled because of something I did." He speaks quietly, as if this was a secret only for your ears.

"Oh? I think this is the most we have spoken to each other. I've kind of been ignoring you, haven't I?"

"Perhaps, but I'm not offended," he chuckles. "I'm honoured you have shared with me something so beautiful."

You stare at him.

"Are you blushing?" He laughs, the sound makes your heart skip a beat.

"No."

He raises a hand, a gloved finger lightly brushes your cheek. It was so soft and quick, you're not entirely sure you felt it, but it happened. You step back just a little, turning your head to the side slightly, biting back a bigger smile.

"Is that another smile I see?"

"Nope." You shake your head a little vigorously.

"You wound me."

You glance up to see he has a hand over his heart as he leans back, sort of as if he had been shot with an arrow.

With that cheeky grin on his face, and the way he's messing about and teasing you, you can't stop the laughter from spilling out. It's the exact sound he had hoped to hear again.

You place your hands on his shoulders and push him lightly, trying to get him to stop messing around, but he just grabs your hands gently and brings them to his chest, pulling you closer to him.

"I made you laugh! Such an achievement." He grins some more.

"Is that what you wanted?" You ask, happy enough to stand this close with him. His gloved hands were warm on yours.

"Yes."

You don't even bother trying to hide the next smile. This man has made you feel so comfortable in his presence, all while standing in unfamiliar territory.

"I should probably get you back now, but if you ever find yourself here in Riga again, I shall give you a list of places to go and things to see."

He goes to remove his hands from yours, but you are quickly to hold onto one of them with both of yours as you look him in the eye. You shake your head, causing him to furrow his brow at you.

"What's the point if I don't have my tour guide to show me everything?"

"Your tour guide?"

"Well, aren't you?" You tilt your head to the side. Your melting his heart with every little thing you do.

"I suppose I am, but I doubt we'll ever be back here together. I am a criminal, remember?"

"Yeah I remember. Still, I refuse to come back if my favourite tour guide isn't going to be with me." You squeeze his hand.

"I'm your favourite?"

"Well, technically, you're my only tour guide." You give him your best cheeky grin.

"I see." He steps a little closer. "Do I get anything for showing you the square today?"

"Oh, you want payment?" You roll your eyes.

"Perhaps just a little something?"

You smile softly as you brush your nose with his. The fact you're even considering it makes you think you've gone mad, but there's something irresistible about this man in front of you.

Before you even get the chance to kiss him, a cold metal hand grabs Zemo by the shoulder and pulls him back. You step back and look at Bucky, who is glaring at the man you were so close to kissing.

"What are you two doing?"

"Zemo was giving me a tour. Sam knows we're here. I wanted to see Riga." You look down, embarrassed.

Bucky let's go of Zemo and places an arm around you, guiding you back toward the safe house. Zemo straightened his clothes before following after you, annoyed that a perfect moment was disturbed.

When you get back, Bucky gives Zemo a warning before he goes off to brood in the next room. Sam follows after him to find out what happened.

Zemo goes to pour himself a drink, but you slide up beside him and take his hand back in yours.

"I'd like to pay now."

Zemo chuckles softly. "I was only teasing you."

"I know, but still."

Zemo sits there as you lean in place a delicate kiss to his cheek. You pull away and drop his hand.

"If you want anything more, you have to take me on a proper tour."

Zemo smiles softly.

"Is that a promise?" He asks, whispering to you.

"Yes."

"Then I shall have to do everything in my power to make sure I give you that tour."

You give him the brightest smile you can manage and step away before the boys come back.

Zemo gives a subtle wink.

Now there is NO WAY he is going back to prison. Not unless he disappoints someone so special.

[prettyboykatsuki]

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

��� a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

__

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,”  he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

__

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning  on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart  in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

__

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You  cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.