#it’s so crazy bc she was like in her late 20s

[cruel-summerxy]

I’ve been going to intern at a dentist as a DA all week. Today was the longest day I was in there and as soon as I got out I got bad news. The crazy part is that my sisters had to let me know before my parents bc they know I break down crying and my parents always feel bad for me.

[froschli96]

you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…

like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?

like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!

[rafesheaven]

this isn’t necessarily a request bc it would be a pretty long story but can we talk about rafe channeling his need to be in control into being a dom? maybe when he’s a little older he finally “straightens up” and becomes successful in the city but only bc of how he lets off steam behind closed doors. i see him as not being crazy towards the women he doms and being more mature to not let his past affect how he treats them but he’s very distant and contractual and not really affectionate past routine after care either 🤔 except of course when reader meets him and he doesn’t understand why he can’t stop thinking about her, and bc i’m a sucker for the trope especially if she’s a virgin or inexperienced and normally he’d end the arrangement bc of it but for some reason can’t bring himself to 🙂‍↕️ so he instead tells her since this is what she signed up for he won’t hold back on the intensity of their sessions (he does anyways at first) and she agrees with no hesitation bc she’s hoping this is how she can get closer to him while being completely naive to what bdsm is actually like. as you can see i’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lol i’d love to hear just your thoughts on the idea!

hi baby, so sorry i'm now getting to this, i've been a bit scattered brain but this is giving me 50 shades of grey from what you talked abt hehe i hope you enjoy my thoughts on the idea <3

warnings: buzzcut daddy rafe, rafe is in his late 20s, virginity loss, choking, unprotected sex, spitting, small mentions of gagging, being blindfolded + tied & i think thats it but lmk if i missed anything

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

in my opinion, i can see him being in his late 20s around the time he’s moved to the city & successful. he knows just how successful he is due to women practically throwing themselves onto him any chance they can get (that’s so real).

he’s found that he releases all of his pent up frustrations and stress when he doms women to be the best way to relieve himself. of course he doesn’t just kick them to the curb immediately after he fucks them but he also doesn’t do much after the standard and basic after care either which is a big improvement for him versus how he was with women in his past.

for some reason, I can see him seeing several different women but he never sleeps with the same woman more than once. well, at least, not until he meets reader, which he meets her at an upscale bar in the city when he’s out celebrating with his co-workers.

he’s sitting at the bar with his co-workers while she’s making drinks for other customers. she walks over to him and his group, leaning against the bar, asking what they would like & his ears perk up at the sound of her angelic voice, making him whip his head around and he’s in awe.

throughout the entire night, he noticed her not so subtle flirting with him as she worked & he’s consistently stealing glances towards her direction. for that entire night, he barely listened to anything his co-workers said, he was too focused on the pretty little thing that was working behind the bar up until his group decided to call it a night.

Rafe wasn’t sure what it was about her but something about her aura kept pulling him back in & ever since that night, he’s found himself going back to that same upscale bar to see her. it wasn’t until one particular slow night, he finally got the chance to talk to her. the two of them instantly hitting hit off, flirting with one another.

the night ends with her going home with him. they can’t keep their hands off each other as they barge into his apartment, quickly making their way to his bedroom. their hands tearing each others clothing off before he’s pushing her down into his bed.

her moans are muffled by his mouth on hers as his fingers are buried deep inside her sopping heat. he’s relishing the way she can barely take two of his thick fingers, “you’re so fuckin’ tight, practically drippin’ down my fingers”.

“shit, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’ve never had a cock in you before” he groans in her ear and he immediately notices how her face turns red, making him freeze in realization and she’s quick to apologize, “fuck, I’m sorry, I was gonna tell you”.

normally he would end the night right then and there, which he’s had to a few times before due to not wanting to have to be gentle with a woman who was a virgin and inexperienced. but with the way you’re looking at him with those big, doe eyes, and for the simple fact that he can’t seem to get enough of you already, he can’t help but let out a heavy sigh, not being able to bring himself to turn you down, not when you're sitting there lookin' all pretty and angelic.

“if you’re lookin’ for a gentle, slow, fuck, you’re not gonna get it here because i won’t be holdin’ back” he mutters, the contrast between his tone and the way he’s caressing her face is far from rough. “i’m gonna ask you this one time cause I’m not gonna be gentle with you. you sure you still wanna do this?” he questions her, studying her face.

she nods, making him grip her chin, forcing her to look up at him, "need to hear you say it, baby". her eyes widen and she pouts, "i want you to fuck me, please, rafe" and he can't help but chuckle at the desperation in her voice.

before she even knew it, she was splayed out on her back with her leg over his shoulder, his hand wrapped around her throat and his cock buried deep inside of her. the harder his strokes, the more his hand tightened around her neck, making her moan and clench around him.

he moves his hand from her throat to grab her face. “open, baby” he commands, squeezing her cheeks, prying her mouth open. she gasps in surprise when she feels his spit coat her tongue before she swallows, causing rafe to groan at her eagerness.

he takes in the sight of her pleasure-ridden face and he can tell she’s close with the way her warm, wet, walls flutter around his cock. he watches the way her eyes roll back into her head, her cries of pleasure as she cums on his cock is like music to his ears.

his own orgasm is approaching and he pulls out of her, wrapping his hand around his shaft, stroking himself before groaning as his pearly, thick, cum paints her stomach.

that was the first time she slept with rafe cameron. she didn’t know what she was getting herself into but she didn’t care, she just wanted him.

ever since that night, the pair made an arrangement and for the past month and a half, she’d meet him at his apartment at least once a week. it started off with choking and spanking at first.

but the more she saw him, the rougher and more intense he would fuck her, whether that was blindfolding, tying her up, or gagging her until she was nothing but a trembling, crying mess.

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

tags: @oceandriveab / @babygorewhore / @drudyslut / @drewstarkeyslut / @rafesthroatbaby / @rafescurtainbangz / @sturnioloshacker / @heartsforvin / @espressomunson / @crvptidgf / @redhead1180 / @eddieslut69 / @xxbimbobunnyxx / @hallecarey1 / @eternalbuckley / @kisses4angel / @hyperfixationgirl / @emilysuperswag / @maiiuelle / @saintlike05 / @rylie-m / @rafeinterlude / @lilacheavenn / @monkichixo / @native2princess / @ihe4rttwd / @zyafics / @peterpan-neverfails

[literaila]

mama y/n should be fuckin it up in a club…. but she got three kids at home instead!!! does shoko ever take her out.. do they go drinking till the sun rises?? has y/n ever had the time to go crazy in her 20s?!

need an unhinged totally not sober y/n and gojo.. i know he loves her when shes in that state bc she has got to be more outspoken and bold about her feelings

“s’toru,” you whisper, a delirious smile on your face. “are you listening?”

satoru puts a hand on your back, steadying the slight sway you’ve got going on. so what if you’re a bit wobbly? at least you’re having fun.

or so you told him ten minutes ago when he asked if you were ready to leave.

“yes, baby,” he answers, after a moment, trying not to grin at your pout, or you in general. but a man is only so strong.

luckily you’re drunk enough not to notice. or drunk enough not to comment on it.

whichever it is, satoru is grateful for it.

��what’s up?” he prods, when you don’t continue whatever tangent you were going on. something about the prospects of living in outer space, or megumi’s math homework—he’s not sure.

“where’d everyone go?”

“home,” he answers, hand on his chin, leaning in close enough to hear you. “shoko doesnt like the crowds.”

you laugh, your face is sheen with sweat and your smile is infectious. “she just doesn’t like you.”

“she was my friend first,” satoru says, mock offended. “even wasted, you’re a bully.”

“i’m not wasted,” you frown, and sway, just a little bit more.

satoru nods unconvincingly. “okay, pina colada. drink this.” he moves his glass over to you, your heads just centimeters away.

it’s because he can’t hear you in here, okay? it’s because it’s very loud and he doesn’t want to miss any of your incessant mumbling—it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the proximity or the way the feeling of your breath against his cheek makes him feel.

just to clarify.

“what’s this?”

“water.”

“gross,” you say, but take a gulp anyway. then you sigh, maybe in relief, and look to him. “where’s your drink?”

“you just finished it.”

your eyes waver. “i’m sorry, s’toru,” you tell him, softly. you’re still leaning in and it’s still making him nervous.

but he’s smiling. he can’t seem to stop when he’s around you. “it’s okay, baby, it’s time to go home anyway.”

“no,” you whine, resting your head on the counter. “i’m having fun.”

“you can have fun in bed.”

“with you?”

satoru chokes, just briefly, and looks away—not because he’s blushing, but because… well, for other, private reasons. satoru doesn’t get flustered.

“you’re funny,” he says, and stands up. “i hope you don’t remember this in the morning.”

he pulls you up by your arm and you immediately relax into him, like a cat to the sun. “why?”

“‘cause you’ll avoid me for a week.”

satoru hopes he’ll forget the way it feels to have you like this, without the inhibitions.

“no,” you pout, looking up at him. “i would miss you too much.”

satoru softens. he wishes he could bask in this version of you—let your heart speak its forbidden wishes for a little while longer—but you told him that you didn’t want to stay out too late.

the kids will be home by early afternoon, at the latest, and megumi is a handful without a hangover.

“that’s why you should forget this,” he whispers, “so we don’t have to miss each other.”

“okay. whatever you think.”

that’s also a pleasant surprise—sober, rational you would never agree with anything he said.

“c’mon,” he tells you, holding the door open. “turn.”

satoru leads you to the car—slowly—watching your feet and ignoring the way you’re curling into him, the way you’re so close and so indifferent about it. he buckles you in, the feeling of your sweet breath on his neck, and closes the door softly.

as satoru settles in, he can feel you leaning against the seatbelt, resting your head on the window.

it might be better if you fall asleep, anyway. it might give him the space to breathe—the space to remember the careful boundaries you’ve taught him over the past four years.

not that they’ve ever mattered to him, not that he would push you away if—

“satoru?” you murmur, and he looks over, shocked that you’re not slurring his name.

“hmm?”

“will you stay with me tonight?” your eyes are shut tight, your arms tucked around your body. “when i go to sleep?”

“i…” satoru swallows. you’re not even awake. you’re not even yourself. “of course.”

“will you stay with me tomorrow, too?”

“yes, sweetheart. whatever you want.”

your lip quirks and you become even less visible to satoru. he can see you clearly—like he can see everything—but for this moment, he’ll pretend he’s just a normal man.

and you just a normal woman. just the same girl you were when he first knocked on your door.

“really?”

he nods, but you’re not looking.

and as satoru begins to drive away, he can almost feel the words, can hear them in the still of the car.

a soft, “i just want you,” tumbling from your lips. some wish you’ll never get.

but that might just be his imagination.

[girl-dot-tzt]

Alright results are in, I'm not allowed to finish for 36 days 🙃

Im going to update this as a lil diary to keep me honest💃

Day 1: I'm feeling pretty good, I notice I get really horny when I take my prog the ✨️fun way✨️ so I'm going to use that method to increase the challenge this month. I'm thinking of meeting a friend tomorrow so I'm excited!

Day 2: more of the same, pretty standard, had a great time with said friend. Getting a teeny but pent up but nothing crazy yet.

Day 3: getting more pent up but it's still manageable, made the mistake of reading a ton of horny posts and getting myself really horny. Thankfully I calmed down and now I'm good to go

Day 4: went to work, did some bike wrenching, now im boutta sleep. pretty uneventful but I'm meeting a good friend of mine tomorrow so I plan on making up for the lack of horny twofold. I need to get some Oregonian mutuals bc I'd like to bite someone :3

Day 5: got my tits fondled for like 3 hours while I watched anime and got insanely high, I need like 4 people to hold me down and grope/tease/fuck me... preferably all at once. I've got 31 more daysssssss, does it count if it's hands free? 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

Day 6: got no sleep, very horny, idk what direction Is up, and I need an answer to the question from yesterday 😫

Day 7: got sleep but not railed because if I get railed too well I'll could possibly finish and idk if that's OK yet :3. I'm going to mountain bike today! I'm super excited bc I need something to take the edge off, if I'm really unlucky I'll get too horny from the idea of getting fucked in the woods and make an update here.

Day 8: we're evening out a little, this may not be impossible, tbf I haven't had time to do much lately so when I finally get the time to ride my toys that might change. I'm planning on doing that tomorrow :3

Day 8 update: I accidentally took two progesterone pills because I boof mine, but I accidentally muscle memory-ed taking my prog orally. Got so horny during work that I nearly cried.

Day 9: I broke some spokes while mountain biking and now I'm sad, but horny and frustrated too. I can only think about being bred, but also being sad that my bike broke, damn fucking stupid sticks getting inbetween my fucking spokes. I need railed bad, etcetera etcetera

Day 10:

Girl abs, that is all

Day 11: I'm going to fuck myself on the biggest toy I own until I'm crying or edging with my Pspot🧍‍♀️ I will return

Day 12: I'm pretty sure I ended up getting edged. Pretty sure because I've never actually finished hands free before and my vibrator died right before I was about to finish. One of you witchy mother fuckers knew I was about to cheat or something, no other explanations, couldn't possibly be that I forgot to charge toys like a dumbass. Laugh it up, I got edged hard by my ADHD.

Days 13: I had a threesome and it was awesome! I explained my agreement to them and got teased a bunch as me and my friend dommed the fuck out of a gorgeous girl. We groped and kissed and sucked all over her body as she got more and more worked up, until eventually I was fucking her with my big purple vibrator and she came hands free for the first time! We made sure to shower her with all kinds of praise and congratulations 💃💃

Days 14-16: started a new job, I'm getting so horny these days that rather than feeling butterflies it's like an almost painful NEED. Like I just desperately need to get tied up and ground into dust, getting edged with my vibrator did a number on me because I'm a mess rn😆

Days 17-20: if I may be honest i embarked on this endeavor to try to finish hands free, I've never done it before but I desperately want to. I think I'll be able to do it by the end of these 36 days or sooner. Idk it's just a hunch🧍‍♀️

Day 21-29: 10 hr shifts in a lab will drive you nuts when there's nothing to think about but getting railed and ice cream percentages. On the plus side I am not only paid but required to eat ice cream every hour at my job. On the downside, I got so horny I cried last night🧍‍♀️😵‍💫😵‍💫

[modawg]

my favorite feel good hc if chb is simply the number of dance/cabin parties they hold in basically empty cabins

like i could imagine thalia staying at chb and maybe annabeth sleeps over in her cabin just so she feels more comfortable and in the middle of the night either percy wakes up and is like :( i wish i could sleep over which causes him to sneak over to the zeus cabin and wake the girls up or the girls decide it’s their time to annoy percy and sneak over to his

either way percy has a cd player bc that just makes sense in my mind and it also makes sense to me that tho many of his cds are just popular music the majority of them are much more rock/punk/loud alt music which he introduces to thalia/thalia recognizes and at whatever time it is they end up getting absolutely turnt to his music and the three of them bond over bad dancing air guitar and getting scared by the harpies who keep telling them to turn that shit down

this i feel would directly cause the chain of events that is the late night cabin parties like forever and always they’ll have them no matter if percy’s there or thalia or any of the big three kids who primarily stay at the empty cabins there will be a party

and i mean these cabin parties are CRAZY like even if their all 12+ in age and all dead sober these parties are the most insane parties you will ever even think of going to these kids stay partying until they have to do their morning chores they do not care

i feel this would also leak into big house dance parties at 2 in the afternoon for no reason and percy’s poor cd player will sadly pass away during one due to the insane amount of usage it gets after moving to chb

they’ll put his cd player out into the water on a little raft and many campers will cry until they pull it back in and leo or someone will change like 2 screws and it’ll be good as new

thinking of the culture shock it would cause jason to wake up to loud asf music half way across the cabin set up bc the campers are throwing a party to celebrate percy’s return

or maybe waking up to someone shaking him being like “heyy so your cabin has been selected for our party in abt 20 min just wanted to lyk everyone and i mean everyone will be here..get dressed” and he’s like ?? tf cue jason learning he can infact be a party animal if he’s with the right ppl

but also passing out again 3 hours later and being a little too happy at 8am the next morning

[myokk]

1, 13, 16, 20 any and/or all for Eloise 😇

Hi!!!🫶🫶🫶

(sorry I’m so late to this bahahahahahahhahaah…December is a CRAZY month😆) I’ll put the answers under the cut bc I am a yapper🤭 AND THERE IS *A LOT* OF ART & WIPS & TALKING🤭🫶

1) What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

This is a good question😭 I think of Eloise as separate from the girl I played in the game, AND separate from the MC in general bc I completely changed ancient magic & the whole storyline to something more interesting to me. As I was playing the game, though, I was SO INTENSELY CURIOUS about what their backstory could be - why were they starting 5th year? Were they a squib? What about their family?

I honestly LOVE that the game is so open-ended about this, because it allowed me to find a way to place Eloise in with canon lore (her mom is actually mentioned by Sirius in the books🤭) AND (this hasn’t been revealed yet) give a conceivable reason as to why the Babbits are not in the Sacred 28 when the list is created.

I’m also FASCINATED by thinking of pureblood society & the Black family in general (Sirius/Bellatrix are my favorite characters & BOTH heavily influence how I think of Eloise) & I have so much fun MAKING ALL OF THIS UP !!!!!!!!!! I LOVE thinking of different traditions/ways that old pagan traditions can be corrupted by the purebloods trying to hold onto their legacy…how the purebloods navigate society and the world in VERY subtle interactions etc etc ETC !!!!! I could literally make a whole post on all of these headcanons I’ve made up about the universe my fic takes place in😆😆😆

13) Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

Honestly NO😭 I think of her voice as very sweet but honestly it just kind of sounds like mine since I go into her mind so much as I write🤔 if anyone has any voice claims or ideas LMK !!!!

16) Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

ELOISE HATES WEARING PANTS AND SHE HATES QUIDDITCH😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 she HATE WATCHES every single quidditch match just to make sure Sebastian doesn’t get hurt…BUT she drags Ominis with her and tells him to let her know if anything happens bc she can’t bear to watch🤔 Sebastian is always getting himself hurt on purpose in Crossed Wands & even quidditch in the hopes that Eloise will come over🤭 bc she always insists on the muggle way…(everyone thinks they’re weird)

Another thing that I think is HILARIOUS is that as a design choice I just gave her a braid bc a) I think it’s cute & b) it’s a way to tame her crazy crazy crazy hair & c) so I don’t have to draw her hair down. BUT every time we talk about mc interactions everyone wants Eloise to show them how to braid their hair…SHE has to demonstrate though bc there is no way anyone that isn’t her could tame her own hair😫

20) Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favorite scenes, anything you’ve been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

DAMN DANI YOU WANTED TO UNLEASH MY INNER YAPPER…🤭🤭🤭

I REALLY want to talk about everything I’m working towards in my fic but🤐 I can’t spoil things for my 2 readers…SO…

Here’s a wip of my 70s au…the strangest crossover ever bc Sebastian and Sirius are getting high AF🤭😶‍🌫️ I haven’t decided if eloise is going to hate Sebastian, or if they’re going to be making out within 30 min of meeting🤔😇 now you can all see my terrible sketches…that turn into messy art😆

[oh-no-its-bird]

Favorite Naruto Character?

Impossible question!!! It changes by the day depending on what fic I'm reading tbh

I feel like if I'm asked this on the street on a time limit, my default answer would probably be Tobirama? But like in part just bc hes what I'm known for/started out writing, so

But like, in the running for favorite uhh

Kakashi is amazing, forever and always. Specifically team Ro era him, I have a mild obsession w his younger iterations bc of the edge factor and also just how fun it is how he fucking shapeshifts into a new guy depending on his stage of life. U can get functionally, like, 4 or 5 completely different characters out of him purely based on how old he is, it's fascinating

Orochimaru. My beloved. He fascinates me. His gender. His crimes. His snakes. I love snakes. I love him. The unbeatable comedy of him being a fucking housewife in Boruto never ceases to amaze me. On me and my girlfriends first date I spent an entire 20 minutes talking about Orochimaru. She did not and does not know anything ab Naruto. This is a true fact you can ask her. I do not regret a single minute of it.

Tobirama, ofc, I fucking love mad scientists and maybe he isn't Orochimaru crazy but by god is he some brand of lunacy. His morally grey (arguably, at times, black) ways and rizless autism has enchanted me...I can not let him go

Izuna is way up there too, fanfiction has convinced me to love him and he remains one of the characters I find easiest to write. Somehow he worms his way into my fics and aus without even meaning for it to happen. The Izuna Sickness(tm)

Ok now imagine a little space here as I mention my runner ups / secondary favorites

Gaara. I love Gaara. I need more Gaara centric fics. I have very little to say or write about him myself and I never talk ab him on here but I love him. He is The Character Most Ever in my heart. Every day I scream and cry over the fact I've probably read all the Gaara centric time travel and crossover fics out there. So fucked up. I don't trust my own skill to write him. My hands are not shaped for it. I read a Gaara/Izuna/Tobirama time travel fic once and it changed my life.

HIKAKU. HIKAKU IS ALSO ON THE LIST. NOT REALLY BUT LIKE. HES UP THERE. FUCK. I LOVE HIM. He is a blank slate and it's arguable if he even fr fr exists but I don't care he means the world to me. The strong Hikaku warriors of ao3 (mostly Domoz) showed me the true beauty that is Hikaku. I fell in love with him. He exists in the back of my mind constantly.

Obito is not The Favorite but he's also up there. Specifically like. The deranged takes of him. Obito being a freak is my bread and butter, but this may also be linked to the fact that Kakashi is in the running for The Favorite(tm) so like. Maybe I'm just projecting my own love for Kakashi onto Obito then having way too much fun making him comedicallt weird ab it

The list goes on tbh, there are SO many naruto characters out there it's kind of insane. I became a little bit infatuated w Utakata at one point but the tragically little content for him lead to me getting distracted by characters with characters w more content for them. Sasuke and Neji I also find super compelling and occasionally have fits of tearing ao3 apart in search of content for them.

Ik u didn't ask and this is a ship and not a person but like. Also Kiba/Kankuro. Honey Honey Honey by @late-cambrian changed my brain chemistry forever and made me spiral for a little bit as it convinced me to love Kiba and Kankuro as a ship and as characters. I think I've talked about the fic before actually, it remains a favorite. I need more Kiba content, I fucking love dog boys (as I'm sure u can tell)

I'm sorry u asked me a simple question and I went on a rant, oops. In my defense it really is impossible to choose— ask me again in a month and I might give u a different answer, who knows

[ohodie]

my camp half blood oc ^_^

YALL SHES ADORABLE

her name is odette van schmidt and she’s a child of dionysus 😇

her story is actually rlly funny tbh. makes me crack up a bit. so here it is

basically dionysus met her mum (a rich socialite) at a party she was throwing for the opening of an art gallery, and it was getting late so everyone was going home. odettes mum looked over at dionysus and was like ‘omfg these old geezers r soooo boring. wanna hit the club?’ and dionysus was like ‘have my baby’ SO SHE DID.

9 months later she gave birth to odette van schmidt: the lying, unstable (possible future addict), drama queen JOY of dionysus.

by the time odette turned 14, her mum was like ‘right. this girl needs to get her ass to boarding school’ bc she could not stop CAUSING A RUCKUS. she was a menace during important parties and events- not because she wasn’t good at parties; but because they weren’t fun. while her mum agreed with her, she had grown out of her party girl phase and had to settle down.

well, odette didn’t fight her mums decision to send her to boarding school. after all, that’s where the craziest shit happens, doesn’t it? especially in new york.

so imagine this: odette van schmidt, the pretty girl with weird eyes and designer clothes CHOWING DOWN ON SPECIAL BROWNIES WITH HER ROOMMATE WHO LOOKS LIKE HOMELESS MAN IN A PRETTY GIRLS BODY.

odette could NOT stop getting into trouble. always sneaking off with her friends, partying her weekends away. by the age of 15 she had developed a pretty bad habit of taking a shot of vodka every sunday morning to get through the preachy ass mandatory services.

odettes mum had enough when she found out her daughter wasn’t taking her meds everyday at 8:00, and was instead lighting up at 4:20.

odettes mum had to call her baby daddy and tell him to pick her up for the summer. odette heard this call, and jumped to the conclusion she was getting sent to REHAB. so she ran.

she ran fast and fast and fast and fast. all the way from manhattan to queens.

ofc odette always saw weird shit. but she just always chalked it up to sleep deprivation, adhd, maladaptive daydreaming, and later in her teens: drug induced hallucinations.

after walking around new york aimlessly for 3 hours to escape rehab, her mum gave her a call.

“hey odette… can you come back home? bc ur lowkey a demigod and I WONT SEND YOU TO REHAB BABY IM SORRY I WONT ITS FINE YOU WERE ONLY SMOKING WEED ITS OKAY BABY-”

BOOM. hellhound right in the middle of the dingiest 7/11 in all of queens.

odette booked it- already terrified by what her mum said, and even more so by this terrifying dog thing.

she ran down at alleyway, hoping to escape the gross mangy dog, but she wasn’t fast or sharp enough to lose it or outsmart it. the hellhound attacked her from behind, ripping through the back of her shirt and leaving a scar that ran across the length of her back.

like that shit was BIG. like, from her neck down to her hipbone.

odette was vengeful thoguh. she was more angry than she was in pain, so she took out her pocketknife and started stabbing and punching that thing away. LIKE. HOW WOULD THAT EVEN PROTECT HER FROM A HELLHOUND??? but then the mutt started chasing its tail and howling like crazy, making it easier to put it down like an old dog.

and poof.

into thin air.

“alright what the fuck”

so there she lay- sitting and panting and wheezing in an alleyway, bleeding out. so she decided to pray,

“god i’m sorry for drinking on sundays! i’m sorry for using bible pages to roll! i’ll do anything to make it up to you!”

“girl, it’s fine.”

all of a sudden, there was this middle aged guy in front of her with the same eyes as her and the worst fashion sense she’d ever seen.

“i didn’t know jesus shopped at h&m…”

“jeez, you sound like ur mother.”

after 10 awkward seconds of silence, odette passed the fuck out. bc her back is a war zone. obviously.

when she woke up the next day, she was at the most rank hospital she’d ever been to. but all the doctors were cute. they were all blonde and spoke like poets and had such gentle hands. but they were wearing the most atrocious orange shirts.

good thing I’VE got STY-

odette looked down at herself. “are you fucking kidding me.”

orange was not her colour. it was purple.

after she got all healed up, two blonde 13 year olds who looked just like her arrived at the infirmary. “hiiiiii welcome to rehabbbbbbb”

“oh my god i’m actually going to kill myself”

castor and pollux eventually cleared up mostly everything about camp (after fucking around with their new older sister a bit more, of course), and proceeded to take her to get some food in her tall ass stomach.

she ate. and then she ate a bit more. and then she complained. and then she asked if her mum has her ‘crazy meds’. and then she asked for new clothes. and then she called her mummy and asked her for new clothes or perfume or anything. and then she walked over to the big house to complain about something again.

and as soon as she walked through the doors, screaming about how she can’t party with a torn up back- she was claimed.

“oh my gods odette. we have your stuff. its fine. it’s cool. you’re my daughter btw. and no drinking at camp.”

“… why would my mum fuck a guy who shops at h&m?”

“I DO NOT SHOP AT H&M, I AM A GOD-“

odette blanked. she wasnt really good at faces. much better with names. that’s what u get for being a history buff who can’t make eye contact i guess.

“… which one, sorry?”

“… dionysus?”

“oh. that checks out.”

[saintkaylaa]

hiii!! I hope qna’s are still going on and I’m not too late but any lore on Levi and his y/n? I asked this in the comments, but basically how their relationship started, any sneaking around because he’s a prof, any initial awkwardness because of the age gap, or any cute/funny lore about the couple!

love the smaus always and your recent kinktober post too btw!! ❤️❤️❤️

Hi pookie!! No it’s not too late! Moving forward I’ll do q+a from 8am-12pm CDT every Saturday!

As far as the lore for Levi and reader, there was a little bit of everything! As far as I’m aware and have lightly researched, being in a relationship with a professor isn’t illegal. It’s up to the university, and in this case bc it’s fiction, the university they attend allows it so long as that student is not actively taking that professor’s class! Which she doesn’t.

There was some insecurity on Levi’s part with the age gap but it’s nothing crazy and an acceptable gap; Levi is in his mid-late 30’s while reader is in her mid-late 20’s. Reader is also in her final year of college.

There wasn’t sneaking around so much as there was just quietness, for a lack of a better term. They just weren’t super in everyone’s face about it, just bc they knew that ppl would talk about them anyway. Plus Levi isn’t very PDA either.

When they started dating she and Levi did all the appropriate measures, like talk to the dean and university about it, make sure she never took his classes, etc.

[fruitbasketball]

wnba highlights 8/17-8/18

okay so i’ve been out of it these past couple days so i’m just gonna give y’all the big games and moments and important shit

but please send in asks if i missed a game you wanted to see me cover, i’ll try to get to it 🤞🏽

new york liberty vs las vegas aces - 8/17

starting off strong with this 2023 finals rematch - LAWDDDD a’ja wilson you are a badddd woman. 24 points, 11 boards, but still could not walk away with the win.

that being said, the aces played like shit for being the aces. 37% from the field, 29% from 3 - what are we DOING bro. this is CRAZY!!!!!

i mean jackie young 1-8?? what the FUCK????

chelsea in double digits for points is a shock to me lately, but we’re here, so!!

not that the liberty as a whole played much better tho - slightly better fgp and slightly worse 3pfg BRO??? is THIS WHO WE ARE??

lord help me why is sabrina ionescu putting up 21 shots and only getting 23 points off of it. and 2 of those points were actually free throws so she got 21 on 21.

someone explain that shit to me. that math ain’t mathing.

jj with 17 REBOUNDS??? HELLO??? WHAT IN THE STAT PAD?? IS YOUR FGP THIS LOW FOR THAT PURPOSE??? fucking HELPPPP

y’all disappoint me. NEXT.

las vegas aces vs los angeles sparks

yeah i’m not here to speak on the game for this one. it was a slaughter from an efficiency perspective, i’ll say that.

i like watching the aces. they’re an entertaining team, and i feel bad from a basketball perspective that they had such a shitty start to the season.

but for aces fans to boo dearica in FRONT OF HER DAUGHTER - to act as though becky hammon is getting unfairly cancelled rather than acting as tho she committed a FEDERAL OFFENSE, which she DID…

fuckin crazy bro. you’re full of shit.

chicago sky vs phoenix mercury

the dee and angel hug at the end was everything. EVERYTHING.

but in case y’all missed the typa timing the chi town barbie been on: 19 points, 20 boards, on 8-16. play. with. ya mama.

they still lost tho don’t get me wrong, but the merc needed this after that fever loss bc bitch what the fuck.

y’all want me to be impresser that sofeet cuntingham got her first double double..? that ho been in the league for fucking ever gtfoh bro maga ass…

monique billings on a roster thank fucking god because i was boutta throw hands

anyway dee still got it like that… y’all don’t stress 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

seattle storm vs indiana fever

caitlin clark you are… something. telling the opposing bench to “stop crying” and then giggling right after is absolutely insane work. i might genuinely be terrified of that girl.

sds i love you bro if you wanna shoulder check that ho do it in game too. ain’t a damn thing. you do you baby.

aight real show of the night: LEXIE. MFKING. HULL.

don’t y’all EVER disrespect one of tara’s girls like that again. NEEEEVER. 22 points on 80%??? DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS??

i will say the fever played exceptionally last night (except kls, and imma ride for a husky always… but she should lowk not be starting): 3 guys over 20, 46 fgp, 3pfg at 48 so HIGHER than fgp?? some steph curry shit right there.

meanwhile in seattle, we don’t even breach 40. it’s getting to the point where i’m surprised that seattle loses a game, because what?? can someone HELP JEWELL BRO?? LORD!!! you just lost to a team that might have a lottery pick!!!

GET IT THE FUCK TOGETHER!!!

[scaly-freaks]

Not the same anon, but to the idea of amara being older than aegon I immediately thought of amara being a friend or msybe even gf or more like an 'affair'/ fwb for Rhaenyra and aegon being the early twenties, looser little brother who wants her. Think that we could put amara realistically around the age of 29 (bc I'm not really a fan of tooo big of an age difference but thats just me)

Yeah ngl I have zero idea how to successfully write an age gap that's an older woman in her mid to late 30s and a man in his early 20s (I can easily write a woman in her early 20s and a man in his late 30s to early 40s but that's because of personal experience).

But HUH, I like your idea. Plus in modern AUs, I always imagine Rhaenyra super collected (very Emma D'Arcy coded) so this is just like a game of how on earth would Aegon ever compete? I just know he'd be driven crazy at the idea of fancying someone his sister fancies, because it's too much similarity between them than he's comfortable with. But at the same time, he's very Jessie's Girl about it, and hates hearing them flirt, or the way Amara's voice takes on a softer, giggly tone with Nyra. Does he go to their room when Amara stays over at Rhaenyra's and rifles through her stuff? 100%. Does he steal trophies she won't miss? Possibly.

Also I think she'd be fully aware of his crush on her but he's such a typically immature frat bro type, she doesn't even register him as being hot or otherwise. Honestly, my big fat crush on Emma means I'm hopelessly drowning in Amara and Rhaenyra's relationship with this one and Aegon is probably growing more and more bitter in the corner KJSFHDKJFHKJFH

Me, you and the other anon collaborating on this AU fr

[evansbby]

My dilf story was literally a nightmare like…

I was dating this 40 year old man, and I had JUST turned 20 😭 I thought he was so hot, and he was rich so I thought I was living my y/n life. Anyways, he was married which I didn’t know. He told me he had kids, but that he was divorced. (idk what i was thinking, like i was ready to be a step mom at freshly twenty yrs old 😭) Eventually after like six months of us together, his wife found out and made my life hell. She found out where I worked and started screaming at me, and at that time I worked at a law firm, like it was very professional 😭😭 She called me a whore, a slut, a home wrecker, lots of racist shit (i’m colombian, she was literally calling me a bean muncher? saying shit like ‘go back to where you came from’💀) and I literally had no idea what she was talking about. ALSOO SHE LITERALLY SAID ‘go find another n word whose dick you can suck’ AS A WHOLE WHITE WOMAN LIKE WHAT??!! I WAS SO CONFUSED 😭😭 She then threw her coffee at me (thankfully it was cold), then keyed my car, slashed my tires and smashed every window.….yeahh 😀. Fun. Ruined my career there so I obviously had to quit (found a way better job afterwards thank god). Safe to say I broke up with him. It was this whole thing, like he was trying to gaslight me into thinking that that was his ex and that she was delusional 💀 He ended up paying for the damages, and paid my rent months in advance bc he wanted to make it up to me and get back together. We did not. After that he was still trying to see me and apologize, AND HE WAS STILL MARRIEDDD UGHH WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS??? Two weeks later my period was late and I found out I was pregnant…yup…that motherfucker knocked me up😭😭

Now three years later and I’m watching reruns of every shrek movie with my baby girls...yes plural, as in twins 😭 I just want to clarify that I love my babies very much, and I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world 🙏🏼🩷🩷 He’s still married to that woman, pays a shit ton of child support and yes he does spend time with our daughters, but his wife hates my guts even though I tried to explain everything to her. So yeah, I do not let my daughters near her. He can only see our kids if I’m there as well, bc like I said, his wife hates me and literally threatened to kill me and my babies when I was pregnant.

So if you’re thinking about being with a dilf. don’t. Go read some dilf fanfics and stay at home 💀 I also lost my virginity to him, and even though the sex was amazing, i still feel guilty that I unknowingly slept with a married man. Stay safe girlies 🩷🩷

girl-

you managed to shock me with each passing paragraph like GIRL ARE YOU OKAY?!?!? that is… a lot to go through… from creepy older man to unknowing adultery to crazy wife to lying to RACISM to BABIES??? PLURAL??? TWINS??? 😭😭😭 bestie you went through it all !!! And more!

And this is what I mean like these older men who go after younger girls are highkey such LOSERS fr most of the time!!! I know we all have our dilf fantasies but the truth is why can’t these men be with someone their own age??? Why do they have to be with a girl freshly 20 or younger whom they have nothing in common with???

Also bestie the whole time I read this jaw dropping tale of yours, the part I hated the most was her embarrassing you in your JOB! Like I was thinking I hope she didn’t ruin your career and I’m so glad you have a better job now!!! And two cutie baby girls 🥹🥹🥹

But yeah, I think dilf fantasies are best left as fantasies lol

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Shrek 1 and 2

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss." Interesting that they choose 'first' instead of 'true' here

It's always the highest room of the tallest tower. Can't be a princess and afraid of heights I guess

RIP Steve Harwell, and the iconic Shrek song, Allstar by Smashmouth

Honestly, this intro makes Shrek out to be very meticulous, as an Ogre. He's getting all fresh for the day, cleaning out his log gutters, painting an artsy little sign, making himself a little snack, burp-flamethrowing a fire to relax. Am I crazy in saying I understand why people keep romanticizing Shrek

The animation is really holds up, considering this was 20 years ago. Shrek was onto something!

"Ogres, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly-peeled skin. They'll shave your liver. They'll squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast." Can we confirm or deny whether or not Ogres are actually eating people or if this is just something Shrek is saying to be left alone. I would like to know

Even if we deny the inherent sentience of the Donkey and Pinocchio, like the witch and dwarves are fully humanoid, so this collection and "resettlement" for money essentially suggests that one of the main plot contentions of Shrek is the trafficking of people. Why did I never think about this LMAO

I love that Donkey singing "Friends" implies the existence of Bette Midler in the Shrek universe

Shrek is so soft-hearted it takes literally 10 seconds of pleading for Donkey to convince him to have a houseguest for the night

"We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles." How does Donkey make waffles without hands?

Are those HUMAN eyeballs Shrek is plopping into his martini as a little condiment??? Discuss

Extremely rude of the seven dwarves to knock Shrek's dinner off the table using Snow White's glass coffin lmao

Did they all come bc Shrek is the only one intimidating enough for the knights to leave alone (protection racket for Fairytale diaspora who are victims of democide) or because the swamp is the only fairy-tale safe land (forced displacement under occupation) or both

The "eviction notice" makes it seem like the latter, but I am honestly intrigued by the political implications of Shrek LMAO

""I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from." Shrek, accidental advocate against settler colonialism

"That's enough. He's ready to talk." How long has the Gingerbread Man been being tortured omg. Also what an evil opening line

"Alright then. Who's hiding them?" This implies that it IS an active form of democide

Fhfkjhfkjhf I didn't remember that Cinderella and Snow White were also Bachelorette options. I love that they have other roles in the movies

LMAO at the Mirror trying to give the Curse Caveat about Fiona and being dismissed. You'd think that'd be part of the intro

"Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you." Every passing comment in this movie implies more and more that Shrek has eaten people in the past

"Please keep off the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your—face." Hidden memory unlocked lmao

You know, Donkey is as equally responsible for defeating the knights as Shrek is. He holds his own!

Omg @ Shrek inadvertently selling out the Swamp Squatters to the person trying to hunt them

We interrupt this liveblog to present you with a Venn diagram of Ogres and Onions (Shrek 2001)

"I know what I smell, and it wasn't no brimstone." Donkey has some qualms about bodily functions for someone who just pissed out a fire

"Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location." [Laughing] I love the little jokes Shrek makes when he goes to a place

Genuinely endearing how Shrek cradles Donkey's face when assuring him the the lava bridge is fine

[Pats face] "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do." Hahahahah @ Shrek tricking Donkey into completing the bridge by making it too stressful to stay on. Get u a friend who will force u to face ur fears when necessary

"So where is this fire-breathing, pain-in-the-neck anyway?" "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Donkey and Shrek said, about both of their future spouses

"Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation." Donkey provides some fair emotionally-intelligent commentary

"Of course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty." What a compliment!!

"You should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window an down a rope onto your valiant steed." "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?" "Mhmm." Fiona is so sweet with dreams of romance haha, at least Shrek recognizes that

"Well, I have to save my ass." HAHAHA they said u can use one ass word, as a treat

Donkey is actually incredibly good at communicating his needs to Lady Dragon. Also how do they go from running away from her to her and Donkey having kids hahaha

"Say there's a woman that digs you, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to crisp and eaten?" I want to know more about the DonkeyDragon love story

"You're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad," said Fiona, with absolutely zero knowledge of who he was

"That's Throwback, the only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields." This Ogre constellation story does beg the question of where all the other Ogres are hanging

"Look I'm not the one with the problem, okay. It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, 'Ahhhh, help, run, a big stupid ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me." Awww, Shrek

Donkey and Shrek's friendship has genuine emotional depth lol

Why does Lord Farquaad look under his sheets while staring at Fiona like that jkhghjgg. This is a children's movie!

How did Fiona even get food while in the tower??? Did she have to keep singing nearby birds to death, or did they have some kind of carrier pigeon delivery

I do not remember Robin Hood being French jghjkhgjg

"I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid." "What he's basically saying is he likes to get... paid." The adult jokes continue

I ALSO DID NOT RECALL FIONA KICKING ALL OF THE MERRY MEN'S ASSES LMAO:

Hahahaha Fiona and Shrek are so sweet with their fly cotton candy and amiphibian/reptile balloons

"Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weed rat stew." AND Shrek can cook. Entirely self-sufficient and thoughtful man

I also like that they've returned to the sunflower field of the Onion-Ogre debate

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." You know, I have always found it so bizarre the Fiona ends the story as an Ogre, because she is naturally a human, and whether she's a human or Ogre is irrelevant to her and Shrek being in love. But I guess the answer is in the curse, because the form of her true love is an Ogre, so I guess after breaking the spell, she becomes whatever version of a person she fell in love with? It's like the Little Mermaid but if Eric was an Ogre

"I thought you might like [the sunflower] because you're pretty." SHREKKKKKK

"Princess and Ugly don't go together." Fiona looks fine actually, just like a normal person with wide features LOL. I bet there are a bunch of people with Ogre-Fiona features

"Who could ever love a hideous, ugly beast." "I thought that wouldn't matter to you." "Well, it does!" JUST COMMUNICATE

RIP the Donkey and Shrek friendship breakup

HAHAHAH @ THEM CUTTING OUT THE LYRIC "MAYBE THERE'S A GOD ABOVE." Shrek a canonical atheist?

DRAGON AND DONKEY CAME TOGETHER OUT OF THEIR FUNDAMENTAL DESIRE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. GOOD FOR THEM!!

"Can you forgive me?" "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Donkey being the number one communicator out of every character in this movie LMAO

"No one likes a kiss-ass." Ass count: 3. They can't keep getting away with this hahahhaa

"Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but really, showing up to a wedding!" This is the inner monologue of social anxiety

WOW @ FARQUAAD GETTING EATEN ALIVE BY THE DRAGON. REST IN PIECES

I did spare a moment to think of the legalities of Fiona being married to Farquaad but with his death I suppose she becomes a window of the world's shortest marriage (no pun intended)

Also who is in charge of Duloc now? Fiona? Did Farquaad have an heir? They're really abandoning this lordship LMAO

"I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful." "You are beautiful." Like Grease, the moral of the story is that it's okay to change for a man as long as the man learns to communicate his feelings and rides off into the sunset with you to a sickass soundtrack

(I'll go to bat for Danny also changing tho. I don't know if Shrek changed all that much in this first movie, but he did become more personable. He had so many wedding guests!)

I would like to 1) Examine the continuity of the Three Blind Mice being both the carriage horses and coachman as well as in Donkey's musical number and 2) Examine the disability representation in Shrek. Started off questionably, but arguably ended well in this movie? LMAO

Onto: Shrek 2

I love how the narration for each opening also serves as a character introduction (Shrek for the first movie, Charming for the second)

"Princess... Fiona?" said Charming to Big Bad Wolf, uncertain if it was a furry-adjacent curse

Hansel's Honeymoon Hideaway is a fun little location

I wonder just how many movies and shows in the early-2000s parodied the Spiderman kiss

"I don't know, [Dragon]'s been all moody and stuff lately." Hahahah, foreshadowing the dragon pregnancy

Reggie the Announcer's Solo also implies the existence of Hawaii 5-0 in the Shrek universe

Gjkghgjkhg I'd ask what kind of parents miss their only daughter's wedding, but I suppose it's the same kind of parents who lock their daughter in a tower

"And who says I want to be a part of this family?" "Uh, you did! When you married me!" Men really do be like this sometimes

"It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on." Donkey is experiencing being a friend to royalty for the first time LOL

Mr. and Mrs. Far Far Away have apparently not heard tell of the Ogre Marriage of Their Daughter

"They're my parents." "Hello? They locked you in a tower." "That was for my own—" "Good. Now here's our chance." I looove the way this dialogue flows into each other, it's a very fun storytelling technique

"I suppose any granchildren I could expect from you would be..." "Ogres, yes." That's a lot of prejudice for someone who's a part-time frog, Harold

HAHAHAHA @ them having a cameo of Prince Charles, who is now King, to the line, "The kind of gal the Prince would date."

Shout out the Bichon puppy, who has nothing to do with any of this

"Whether your parents like it or not, I am an Ogre. And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change." "I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that." That's what I'm saying! Fiona gives up the species she was born to, to be with Shrek. Why does she need to be an Ogre? Does she want to, or is it just be with Shrek? Or is because of the spell? Explain to me why she didn't get any agency over who she was, physically

"Fiona does, and she'll never forgive you if you don't [give your blessing]. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold." Shout-out Lillian for being a very accepting parent

If the Fairy Godmother and Harold had already arranged a marriage, surely they could've just announced it instead of playing all these games. Fiona was willing to marry Lord Farquaad, she can't be that hard to please

Harold and Lillian's first kiss by the lilypond and the Lady Frog saying, "Do I know you?" are truly the foreshadowing I did not know of the first time I watched these movies

Like Fiona, Doris The Ugly Stepsister is actually a normal woman who is called Ugly for having features that are more wide or perceived as more masculine. People act like there is something crazy disproportionate or out of the norm of how they look (green skin for Fiona aside.) Justice for both of them:

I fully forgot that Puss in Boots is introduced as Antonio Banderas's disembodied voice agreeing to assassinate Shrek

Not the portrait of Sir Justin Timberlake hahahahah

Awwww Fiona was mimicking the words of her childhood doll when she gave Shrek her hankerchief in the first movie!!

SCREAM @ the Chastity Belt World Tour. Who is that a parody of

"Dad. We both acted like Ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other." Shrek is extended an olive branch while Harold is extending an Assassin Cat

"I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. Give him the Bob Barker treatment." This is a reference I had to google, but apparently, founded an organizatoin and spent millions on neutering animals. ALSO, he died three weeks ago???? How many Shrek-adjacent deaths have there been in the past month

"Come on Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everyone that means you wants to kill you." Hahahaha harsh but true

"It's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just, I wish I could make her happy." Fnally, some reciprocity on the changing

"On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life, as you have spared mine." "Sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken." Very self-aware of Donkey to say so

I love everything about Puss in Boots, the purrfect character:

Love that Shrek and Fiona have each adopted their own new animal friends in each other's absence

"Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning." Hahahaha Lillian politely calling Harold stupid

"Why don't we just pop in there for spell?" I love Shrek's consistent habit of making jokes about whatever new place he's in

"We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Are you feeling at all degraded or depressed?" "Uh... a little. We don't even have dental." I know it's a bit but I choose to believe that Shrek is pro-union

In this world of Fairy Tales, does it imply that Cinderella and Snow White's stories are non-fiction biographies?

Shout-out to the Helpers of Species Unknown and the employee of the month, Theo:

I did wonder for a moment, as Puss in Boots stared at the Happily Ever After potion, if he was not going to be able to read

"But you love being an Ogre!" "I know. But I love Fiona more!" Awwww Shrek

"A cute button nose?" Wild how Shrek's nose as a human is not that different from Fiona's nose as an ogre but it's fine for him because he's a man. Something something gendered beauty standards

"I'll be true... enough." Hahahaha, the ladies are fun

"Someday I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you, or if I forget." Hahahaha Shrek being very relatable

"What happened to your voice?" "The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona." Prince Charming claims the beauty standard includes not having a Scottish accent (he is wrong)

"She's a princess, and you're an Ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change." Except it literally did change Shrek into a human LOL and if they wanted the potion to be permanent on Fiona, the Charmings do need Shrek to kiss her

"I hate Mondays." Yet another pop culture reference

"She loves that... Pretty Boy, Prince Charming," said Shrek, as if it had not been canonically established that human Shrek is very handsome

Shrek and Donkey and Puss all attending the nightly Unhappy Hour hahahaha

"You can't force someone to fall in love." "I beg to differ. I do it all the time!" Sinister of the Fairy Godmother to say

Not the Donkey calling out against police brutality and the Puss getting charged with possession of catnip. Feels a little targeted lmao

Shrek being willing to step aside if it's Fiona's choice to leave him but ready to intervene if he know she's being pushed into it ❤️

Joan Rivers the Cartoon is also yet another early 2000s reference.

"That's not my husband," said Fiona, in an unparalleled act of intuition

"Well folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick." I LOVE idioms translated to new circumstances kjhgkjhg

Mongo the Giant Gingerbread wanting the big Farbucks cup. He's so cute!!

Shout-out Shrek 2 for some of the best jukebox musical integration since Ella Enchanted (which, apparently only predates this movie by like two weeks hahaha)

Also shout-out Mongo for literally laying down life and limb for the cause:

Harold redeeming himself from trying to trick his daughter into marriage by taking a magical bullet for her

Also if the magic reflects back on Fairy Godmother to burst her into bubbles, why does it also work on Harold to turn him into a frog? Riddle me that magical logic

"I just wish I could be the man you deserve." "You're more that man today than you ever were. Warts and all." Bold of Lillian to be cool with being married to a frog

"I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after with the Ogre I married." I once again do not understand why Fiona HAS to be an Ogre to be with Shrek, given that is not what her heritage is, and the being an Ogre was a spell just like this one, but if she wants to choose Ogre life, good for her!

Awwww Donkey is so happy to be a dad to these weird little children:

[caralara]

has something happened, Cara? did i miss something? sofia stunt as in sofia the scandinavian girl everybody forgot about? is she back? what has asia to do with that stunt? totally agree that louis' career would only benefit if there were some women in his team but i'm really confused about what exactly you're talking about now. have a lovely weekend!

Hi!

Oh my comment was set off by the AFHF announcement, and the subsequent detective rabbithole everyone went down trying to figure out where it will be this year, and loads of people saying Mexico bc of the cacti in the picture plus that Mexican promoter account tweeting and deleting AFHF recently. I got riled up about how badly they failed last year for AFHF, how we could tell right from when they announced it (quite late) to then being there and seeing how they only sold 2/3 of tickets and not even everyone showed up. They had to cut back massively on staff (one of the reasons why entry was handled so badly and why they didn’t have enough staff to hand out the wristbands), and how they absolutely need to have a (financial) success with this year‘s AFHF in order to not have the whole festival get jeopardised and maybe cancelled. And that led to me talking about the root problem of the team being just men, and then listing examples of their recent fuck ups that very likely wouldn’t have happened that way if they had a woman on their team they‘d listen to once in a while, like for example the Sofia stunt. I guarantee you that no man on that team even thought about the fact that in 2023, with a majorly queer, feminist female fanbase that huge age gap could be problematic for Louis‘ image with his fans, because men in general don’t think about much younger women being with older men as problematic at all. They dropped her like hot iron *after* the backlash from all sides. Then they didn’t handle communication well when they cancelled Asia at all. Like. At all.

For AFHF, I understand that Mexican fans are super passionate but I already gotten many messages by latam fans saying even though living in Mexico City they wouldn’t be able to afford it. I don’t think it’ll be in Mexico, they really need to be in the black numbers for this year‘s AFHF, so they need it to be accessible to fans with strong financial powers. Europe has the majority of louis‘ fandom with strong financial power, and logistically it would be crazy to fly back and forth about 16-18 hours between European festivals for AFHF, if he could do it in Europe again.

If he keeps it in a similar time frame (august) as the past (although he’s already had the first announcement two months earlier than usually), there’s only the last July or last August weekend (going into September) available.

A friend actually sent me the Ponte de Segura bridge that looks a lot like the viaduct used in the picture, and it’s right at the border of Portugal to Spain. End of July he’s got two festivals in Portugal and Spain, and he could easily oversee the set up during the week between those two.

There’s also huge festival grounds 20 minutes from that bridge, that usually hosts the BOOM festival, but only every other year - meaning that July weekend is free for 2024 and the infrastructure for the festival has been well established (since 1997) with shuttles, vendors, camp sites, stage infrastructures… it looks really great.

The thing that still got me entertaining Mexico as a possibility is the cacti that have been edited in, that mostly only grow in South America, and the Mexican promoter.

Anyways, tell me louis wouldn’t go for this?? The shore, the lake, the rocks, the surroundings, the heat??

Anyways the real clowning begins if you imagine louis launches AFHF to be TWO days by having Niall headline the first day… that would certainly draw the necessary crowds and they’re already doing a bit of the festival run together this summer 🤡🤪

[swagging-back-to]

update on the ladies

their oat and flax sprays arrived! they went as crazy for them as i knew they would. decimated everything i put in their tank in less than ten minutes lol (i still have like half a pound of each)

pepper's tumor is growing more and more every day. I've been giving her lots of peanuts, pepitas, and now these new sprays. they're also getting a new treat which is malt paste for ferrets. mice and rats go crazy for it so i know she will.

I've also been giving lots of peanuts to jasmine bc shes been losing a lot of weight lately. whenever i catch her binge eating i give her half a peanut. it's a lot for a mouse but i know she really needs to gain weight (shes 20-24g depending on the day. mice should be 25-50g)