#it’s so bizzare to hear the voice of a dead man who was alive only days ago

[pitythedivine]

the supermarket is playing 18 by one direction. this is not okay.

[lovee-infected]

haha, Malleus dies AU let's gooooo (imkiddingpleasedont)

:)

“Tsuonotarou”

(A/N): I cried, I've been crying all day and I'll be crying for the rest of the month.

Pairing: Malleus Draconia x Gn! Reader

Warning(s): Angst, Mentions of blood, major character death

"T-tsunotarou-?" You stuttered out. Words came out of your mouth without you even feeling your mouth moving.. At this point, everything felt to bizzare to be even realistic. Your legs, your mouth. Green growing flames sorrounding you and burn all that was left from that hellish war to ashes but all you had on your sight was the wounded fae.

"Tsunotarou!" you screamed as you ran to Malleus, begging to heavens that you weren't too late.

You fall to your knees by Malleus's severely injured body. Unable to do a thing but to terrifiedly gaze at how his warmth of life was being slowly stolen by the cold embrace of death, blood rushing out of the huge wound on the left side of his chest and turning his clothes as red as bloody roses. You let out a choked scream, grabbing his almost, lifeless body by waist and pulling him to your lap. You stared at Malleus with your eyes half shut, trying your best to hold your heavy tears from falling.

There was nothing, you felt nothing. No pain, no joy, no fear. It was neither sad nor happy, you just couldn't feel anything at all. All you knew was that everything seemed unrealistic, so wrong.

No, this had to be a nightmare, this wasn't real. It couldn't be, it couldn't be, it shouldn't be.

Your body was shaking and your voice, trembling. You could see his lips being parted to say something but fail to realize what it was as your tears had totally blurred blurred vision.

Even as tears had clouded your visiton, you could see that was smiling at you, no signs of any fear or anger could be found in his mesmerizing emerald eyes. His smile was soft, just like the first time he smiled at you, you could still feel his sweet laughter being echoed through your ear from the first time he heard you call him "tsunotarou".

You could feel the pain in your chance growing wider as your memories with him are recalled to you, but you had to resist them.This wasn't the right time to cry, you must not. Malleus shouldn't see you cry, not now. You had to show him that you still had faith in him, that you still believe that he's got a chance to survive. You had to be strong in front of him but you couldn't. You couldn't be strong when the dearest person of your life was dying right in front of your eyes.

Your shaky hands took his hand and brought it to your face as you cried hysterically. Malleus was dying and you couldn't do anything but to watch! You thought he was unstoppable, practically immortal! You kept crying into his hand as your tears soaked his coated in dirt and blood hand. "You said I won't need to worry! You promised that you'll be fine! You p-promised-!!" you cried to the air.

Malleus wished he could've opened his mouth and say those words again, to confront you, to tell you those lies over and over and try to make you believe everything is going to be fine but the unbearable pain burning his chest turned his words into nothing but a bloody cough. He help but to feel guilty. Oh dear, who could've imagined that *this, would be the end of the cruel fae who was once the future King of valley of thorns...? Such a pitiful way to die...

"Child of man...please don't-"

"You promised to be the one protecting me when things went wrong! You told me that you'll be there whenever I needed you...!!" You wailed while choking up in sobs. words kept coming out of your mouth without you having any control over them, you didn't even realize that you were not simply talking but shouting at this point. You felt so heavy, so full of words. These were going to be your last words to him and no one even tried to hold you back from pouring your anger on fae, not even Malleus himself.

"I-I need you now, please. Please I love you tsunotarou don't leave me alone!" you screamed in pain and broke down in tears again. You brought your teary face to his, letting tears swell down your face and fall on his.

"My precious human, you don't have much time left. It's your now-or-never chance to make a a return to your own world...,don't waste it on me... go," Malleus whispered to you, his tone was still so certain strong yet filled with so much pain. And you knew that he was right.

Just a few meters away from where Malleus's lifeless body was laying, bloody screams and shouts of the students fighting could still be heard. The hall of mirrors had been destroyed, and the dark mirror's gate itself could get closed at any second. You could here Ace and Deuce screaming your name as they tried to find you through the crowd, it was your very last chance to return home.

"Your friends are calling, little one. D-...gah-!!" Malleus hissed as he squirmed in pain. "D-don't keep them waiting..." even yet, he was keeping his smile on. But even as his face could fool you his struggling for breath was telling you that he couldn't last for much longer...

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!" you said as you hugged tight to his face again. You ran your fingers through his messy hair, wanting to scream from the bottom of your chest and letting the whole world hear your pain. "I want to stay here with y-you, please, as long as I get to be with you no one else matters..." words become hard to spell as the your throat is clogged with pain. You couldn't talk, you couldn't see, you couldn't breathe. You'd never wanted life to be a nightmare more that you did now, you were begging to heaven to let it all be on, to let you wake up from this hell and find your beloved tsunotarou beside you; safe and alive.

"Here...with me?" Malleus said in a questionable tone but he wasn't really asking. His closed his eyes begun to let out a weak smirk as he continued to speak: "Happy endings... aren't for villains, child of man" he bitterly uttered before letting out another cough "You've got no future with me..."

His words ached your heart a lot more than you thought it may. Oh lords, just how badly you wished you could just grab his face and kiss all over it again and again while telling him not to say such things. But here you were, doing nothing but to silently cry as you held on to your beloved one's lifeless body. You couldn't save him, you couldn't do anything tobut to watch. Your hands wee holding him tight but couldn't do anything to take away the pain burning his chest or even stop him from bleeding.

"Yet..." malleus sighed "I used to wonder if you could you could be my... happy ending,"

Malleus's fragile smile had vanished, his face being totally experssionless now. The light of his glowing eyes was slowly disappearing, his breathes were cut shorter and his hands... colder.

"And...I was right. You indeed changed everything about my life" you could see a small drop of tearing falling down his eye as he spoke:"You brought light to me just when I'd given in to my darkness and before I could've realized... you changed me" a small yet, genuine smile begun to reappear upon his pale lips. He turned his head to you, his hand trying to pull a small strand of your hair away from your teary face. "You are my little angel, (y/n). You've always been..."

And before you could've realized, you were no longer the only one crying. Your finger slid between his hand, trying to hold it once again. He locks his fingers with yours, making you feel the warmth of all the times you two had held hands before. You couldn't tell why but, you realized that you were smiling through your tears. The pain was ripping your heart out, yet there was also a warmth, a hope.

A feeling of joy that made you want to smile at him back through the depths of pain and despair, just like the first time, when you were smiling at the horned stranger standing at the back of the ramshackle dorm. All those glamorous meetings, are held secretly in the dead of the night and not a single knew about them but you and your unknown visitor, your tsunotarou. Each and every of the memories you had besides him were recalled to you, and your mind drowned in him. His laughter, his eyes, his warmth. The love you two shared and not a single soul knew about it but you, all flashed before your eyes as you gazed through his emerald eyes again.

"(y/n)! There you are!" you heard Deuce's from behind as you could hear their footsteps approaching, yet you didn't care to turn your head away, your whole world was lost in the fae's eyes at the moment.

"I love you...Malleus" you whispered to him, not even realizing that this was your very first time calling him by name.

"As I love you," he replied.

You wanted to say something but it becomes hard to form words when your mouth refuses to work, when words get lost in a sea of murky thoughts, when the numbing darkness pulled you closer. Or was that Malleus pulling you closer? You couldn't quite tell anymore.

You brought your lips closer to his, feeling the last remaining of his lifeless breathes brushing against your face.

"Be it in this life or next," he murmured, his words low but soft against your skin when you squeezed his bloodied fingers in yours "I will find you again. I promise to you, I will."

And this time, he wasn going to keep his promise by all means...

You bowed your face down to his, whispering to him before your lips met: "Then I'll be waiting for you....once upon a dream"

You closed your eyes and felt his soft lips against yours, the kiss was filled with a deadly pain but also met a slight warmth of hope. You filled your entire existend being woven to him. The kiss was filled with the taste of coopery blood combined with your salty tears, yet so soft and sweet.

"(y/n)..." Nothing could make this moment any more euphric for Malleus than it already was, surrounded by beautiful, swirling trails of light, feeling utterly weightless and free, met by a dreamy kiss from the one and only love of his life, he wonders if his life had ever been this good. He could barely remember ever being so calm. Crying at such a beautiful moment seemed totally pointless. Why try to struggle against something so wonderful? Right?

You didn't pull back even as the fae's very last breathe got lost between the kiss and his eyelids fell shut.

At last, you'd given him the true “kiss of death”.

[getaroomyouheck]

wrote a review for Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished

“Shh... Do you want to hear a secret? I know one…” When you close your eyes, and remember the halcyon days of your youth long past, what are the emotions that spur most flagrantly? Is it a sense of whims and love for that which made you, the bruises and arguments and play fights , wonder for the love left behind? Subtle sadness for those days forever lost in memory, with friends you may no longer be able to or even want to be able to talk to? Are those memories something to even bring up, or was it all just too much to bear, whatever broken sordid past that's left you to this point of blocking it all out? Perhaps it’s all of these at once, whirling into a broken cacophony, a maelstrom of youth and fervor, all wondering when that young soul left for once and for all? No album asks or answers that question to such an extent and utter poignance, as Avey Tare and Panda Bear's Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished The tinkered child coming from then 20 year old Avey Tare (David Portner) handling vocals and lyrics, and 19 year old Panda Bear (Noah Lennox) handling percussion and production, is one of the most whimsical, harrowing, and utterly magnificent tapestries of emotion and sound ever released. Moments of utter splendor and beauty, moments of despicable and disturbing noise, moments of the darkest moments and most primal evil committed against man, all this and more is woven through this album and the 10 tracks composing it. From the title track Spirit They’ve Vanished to the near 13 minute odyssey that is Alvin Row, this album documents and details the disillusionment of childhood, growing up and leaving behind the innocence and whimsy and wonder you once held, yet also trying to grow past indelible, inescapable trauma. Wilted capriciousness and disturbed corruption exist within a fulcrum, from jangling piano chords and synths being sliced through by harsh shrill noise and feedback. With all of this starting with the ubiquitous title track, Spirit They’ve Vanished Spirit They’ve Vanished as an opener to this album is so off-kilter and bizzare, yet through its dizziness and almost headache-inducing telepathic rhythms, it sets the stage for the forest of souls, memory and childhood Avey and Panda give life to. Drifting among a cold, dead sea of distorted high pitched feedback and a whirling synth give life to Avey’s soft vocals, embodying the Spirit of youth and young fervor, singing lines like “Turn it fast, as one mild day steals someone’s soul into 20 years”. Untitled is the key moment to this album's aesthetic, as soft whirring piano melodies are cut through with vehementation by blood-curdling noise sounding of a child's utter panicked wailing and shrieking, droning and droning till the screams cease and sinewy vocal cords burst. The nigh-impossible encompassment of repressed trauma, of what exactly was stolen from you, all at once your life and blood essence, is never coming back; when the only thing that can be done is to shriek. Yet from Penny Dreadfuls onward, Spirit They’re Gone takes on a far more melancholic but gentle approach to its whimsy; subtlety and beauty become accompaniments for the harrow of the child's plea as opposed to his harsher cousin chaos, this track being the key teller of this shift in sonic palette Feeling almost as a lullaby for the broken child's spirit, warm piano chords drift atop swirling synthlines constantly ascending and descending in an interstellar loop. Smothered sounding drums chime out and pound their heart into oblivion among Avey’s soft, innocently spry vocals singing into the void for a memory no longer wanting to recall, of the friends lost that might never have been friends to begin with. Chocolate Girl is one of my favorites on the whole album, a beautiful highlight of delicacy and heartful cries of youthful recklessness. Frenetic vocal deliveries atop a beautiful whirling drone and chaotic drum passages give ways to a lavished chorus breakdown carried by acoustic guitar and beautiful synth passages dropping in and out amongst more and more prominent drum passages from Panda; the music itself sounds of fairies and wildlife dancing their merrytime in jubilee. Lyrically this song is an incredible standout, Avey through using the metaphorical concept of his “Chocolate Girl”, he describes a loss of innocence and a tranquil reminiscence of the folly he once held in his imaginary friend, singing for her and so that he might no longer “feast on folly”. In sharp contrast to the pleasantry of the prior track, La Rapet is a song embroiled in misery and darkness, with the spirit-forgone child approaching the Devil within a nightmarish dreamscape, with the protagonist singing of “touching angel shadows on the ceiling” and “starting to rot in their mind, pretty angel” as a means to call for the angels of youth to save them from this inevitability. The droning sounds all slowing and quieting into silence, an inexorable reminder that, even as a young child in a playplace unbeknownst to death, that it’s always guiding your staying hand. Bat You’ll Fly is one of the more disorienting songs on the album, at first sounding pretty and incandescent, but the admirable qualities of the album become discernible as it progresses. Overtop warm guitar plucks and a wonderfully gorgeous synth line comes a dual channel song, delivering 2 completely separate lyrics and stories on both left and right audio channels, whirling into a furor of passion and energy singing for the loss of life and innocence on one side, lines like “But you can still think back to the wild cause happiness was being a child”. Yet on the other fulcrum comes chaos and singing of fairies and the autumn cold, melded together into one binary piece of odd beauty. Now following a interlude-esque track with Someday I’ll Grow to Be as Tall as the Giant, comes the crescendo finish to this record, and one of the most emotionally charged pieces I’ve ever listened to, a song that never fails to render me to tears for the memories held within. This, is Alvin Row To be quite honest, this song is honestly hard for me to even speak about. It opens up a part of me, a damning qualm to my own failures as a person and all the demons in my heart I’ve yet to claim victory against, much in the same way a song like Wake by The Antlers does. Yet, there is no cry of hope, no resolution against the lingering pain in my heart inflicted by people who no longer even know my name; Alvin Row is an utter culmination of the sorrow I feel within my soul for that which has claimed my once childhood innocence, the monsters under my bed and the monsters I let grow closer to me than I ever should have, and for the spirits of death that touch my face every day I am alive. Each individual piano chord slammed down by Aveys manic performance, the multi-layered drumming that switches phase to phase showing the journey of the protagonist and their symbol of childhood manifested as Alvin Row, each beautiful synth passage and knife twisting drones of utter grief, each lyrical passage discussing the symbols of love and life forgotten by time, with Alvin slowly vanishing as our narrator loses the bewitchful youth that once held within them the spirit of love and life: From lines like “Words slip by when I’m silent I have to let so many people down”and “A new apartment and a heart don’t make me old”, all of Alvin Row rips into my soul in ways no other song or any real piece of media has ever done, and yet, I love it to bits. When I put this song on, and just tune out the rest of the peripheral sight, what billows up to the forward thoughts of consciousness, is the halcyon days I’ll never be able to get back, yet are always a part of me. Waking up excited to visit my grandmother who’s no longer with me on this Earth. Fighting shirtless in the rain with my best friend whom I haven't seen in at least 7 years. Sharing the beautiful words of this album's opener to a friend experiencing her own grief and learning to move forward. Crying to this album together with another friend who’s connection to this album is in many ways more ample than my own. Every insignificant memory, every minor embellishment to what makes me Aiden Shaw, is what is churned within me the moment I press play This is my answer to the question proposed early on, what Alvin Row and by extension the whole album, spurs within me the moment I listen, and I close my eyes and remember that which has led me to become who it is that writes this review you’re reading now. Maybe I have suffered in ways no one ever should. Maybe I have hidden parts of myself deep within my consciousness that Spirit They’re Gone has painfully ripped out, especially through La Rapet and Alvin Row. Maybe my sordid and ignominious past has indelibly made me relate with this album in ways not intended by Avey and Panda. Yet all of that is something so human and beautiful, that even when crafted from the broken tapestry of a childhood left fragmented by its own abusive remnants, the juvenile wonder of who I once was, surfaces, at least for a temporary time. My childhood is forever gone, but the memories from it that this album pulls forth show that it will always be a part of me. Even when my own spirit has forever forgotten me, even for the briefest moments, this album helps me remember that. Thank you, everyone who's read this and given this diatribe the time of day. Thank you, Avey Tare and Panda Bear, for culminating childhood agony and regret into a consolidated artform. Thank you, Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished, for making me feel, even for a little bit, that I’m not alone “Now my singing voice is gone, my singing voice is gone, my singing voice is gone…” Favorite tracks: Spirit They’ve Vanished, Untitled, Penny Dreadfuls, Chocolate Girl, La Rapet, Bat You’ll Fly, Alvin Row (standout) Least favorite track: N/A