#it’s self sabotage atp

[c1ittorus]

i hate when i’m trying to focus but my pussy starts talking to me

[sztansescheadache]

well france is definitely sending a song

[hellkeepers-if]

I have realised that people like wet cat loser cringe RO's and I totally get that

[remapped-soul]

this is a how-many-times-will-i-let-this-particular-friend-disappoint-me challenge. hopefully, it ends this year

[ravers8fantasy]

So I began a drawing but uh how do you draw hands...

[take-everything-you-can]

I'm fucking going through it rn 😭😭😭😭

[raplinesmoon]

maybe not a good idea to take my med that causes dizziness right before I planned on writing

[kharakardashian]

I’m so unbelievably horrible at interviews it’s not even an exaggeration or a joke

[gummygowon]

i crave intimacy

[hazy-pink-skies]

uni :(((((

[particular-one]

I FINISHED THE ESSAY Y’ALL I SURVIVED (never again, carlyle says, as she plans to cram yet another paper) 👹

me writing my essay for class: painfully slow, words not flowing, a bunch of times i end up writing nonsense in the outline just to relieve my stress, struggling to hit the word count

me writing about my sweethearts my beloveds the suns and moons and stars of my life: easy 1k words in less than an hr

[konigsblog]

i DEEPLY apologise to the people who submitted requests ages ago, you've been locked away in a cage for what i assume feels like decades 😭

i promise ill get around to them soon, and probably delete a few im not interested in. (hopefully i manage to keep my askbox off for a week, it's literally self sabotage atp ☹️😒)

[wilted-astraea]

being a blitzø and stolas (hybrid) kin is the BIGGEST MINDFUCK EVER!!!!

i view blitzø and stolas as "two sides of the same coin." on the surface, they seem very different, and in a lot of ways, they are. one was born into power and privilege. the other was born as a low class citizen struggling to make ends meet.

but when i looked deeper into their characters and their internal worlds, one thing always looked the same to me. they both struggle with self-worth and have an innate belief that they are not good enough. i feel as if they both make attempts to either not be abandoned and/or overcompensate for a sense of inferiority, despite one of them being literal royalty. they both had fathers who were very emotionally neglectful and/or used them for personal gain ⸺ and because of that, their self-worth depends on whether or not they are useful or, in stolas' case, are compliant.

the main difference that sets these two apart for me, is the way they carry themselves and deal with their attachments. blitzø is clearly a fearful avoidant. he can go around and have sex, tongue fuck anybody he wants, but that isn't the intimacy that he's afraid of. this way, he can receive some level of affection while keeping everybody at an arms length. he doesn't have to give himself away to somebody who he fears will use/abandon him. stolas is more of a loyalist, even if that means neglecting his own needs to obtain time with/affection from blitzø. although stolas means well, his actions can be (unintentionally) manipulative. him setting up the transactional relationship seemed like fair game to him, because he thought him and blitzø would benefit from it. but stolas didn't realize (until later) that keeping blitzø tied to him wasn't benefitting blitzø in the long run. it was really just keeping blitzø bound to him, so that stolas could spend time with him. stolas is very lonely, and even spent roughly 15 years in an abusive, arranged marriage. he is very touch starved, and doesn't believe that he is good enough for anybody to truly want him. so because of that, he's compensating by people-pleasing, and utilizing his status and power to entice others, namely blitzø. if that's what he can offer, it's what he'll risk to keep this transactional "love" alive.

i definitely align myself more as stolas. i have always had people-pleaser tendencies and have even been manipulative (unintentionally/subconsciously) in the past, to avoid abandonment or rejection. but as of the last two-ish years, my attachment style has shifted kinda dramatically. my idea of romance went from idealized (like how stolas views it) to something of a prison. now, i find myself just going back and forth between the two mindsets. i do have a fearful avoidant attachment, and have spent my entire life keeping myself emotionally distant from others, so that i could easily discard them and pretend like they never existed once they inevitably disappeared. (out of sight, out of mind type of mindset), but kind of like blitzø in apology tour, i've realized that i don't want to be that way. that maybe i do have somebody to fight for. i don't want to hurt anybody, i don't want to cause others to abandon me or abandon them, i don't want to devalue people at the drop of a hat because of my triggers. i just want to accept when people actually like me or see value in me without people-pleasing or self-sabotage. if theres one person that i love, it's somebody that i hurt time and time again, and i want to change.

i'm just a whole ass mess of a "human" so i'll shut up, but you get the point, right? RIGHT??? it's actually so much for me to process, so i'm just rambling atp.

[the80srewinders]

Unfortunately, I will be leaving Tumblr indefinitely. I have been receiving too much hate and criticism, but today it crossed the line.

I have struggled now more than ever with my mental health severely, and Tumblr makes my mental health worse. Mostly bc I have no self control and cant stay away from triggers. I have a severe self sabotage streak. I'm addicted to self sabotage and can't stop. No matter how much pain it puts me in.

When we started on tumblr it was our safe space w no hate. But as soon as we started gaining traction, we got more criticism than nice comments. We were always making a mistake it seemed- which growing up "never doing anything right" made some old trauma resurface. I've had flashbacks to trauma I had forgot even happened, trauma that makes me feel unsafe, frightened, and sometimes angry. I've cried in public and tried to hide it because of the flashbacks. I've longed for a hero all over again when I'm not being abused near as badly as I was years ago when I'm having the flashbacks to. Yet I'm mentally just as bad as I was then, with every mental health symptom I had back then and haven't had since coming back. I'm just as toxic to others as I was back then.

I have felt like I'm a failure, worthless, dumb, self centered, not valid, faking, and even an abuser- all these same things I felt before I was even allowed on the internet. I'm feeling them just as severe as I was then.

And the ask about the AI thing really set me over the edge. normally I wouldn't be so harsh over it, but I was sent criticism even after turning off anons and that's what made me even more in crisis completely. I couldn't handle anymore and that pushed me over the edge. Irl our life is rough and has been for the past three months with nonstop criticism and callouts for just existing. We come on social media to escape that, and now were being around negativity 24/7 online and offline. makes me feel even more depressed and like I deserve this because there's no escape from being harassed even online and I have to deal w the same things online I suffer with offline and go online to escape from.

The person who sent the ask criticizing my use of ai to make just one funny picture blocked me. I called them out nicely, they had no reason. They are immature and idc if you send them asks calling them out. You can send as many with cussing and wtv to them, they deserve it atp because I actually self harmed over it and have planned suicide now, not fully bc of them it is pushed me over the edge.

Now, an old friend who I called out for being a very toxic person is sending me asks telling me she's gonna expose me for faking disorders, but today it crossed the line because she sent the n word many times, exposed my real name with a threat that people are gonna find and kill me, and called my friends in the classic rock community here sluts. Below is the screenshots of what she sent, major trigger warning.

my mental health can't handle this. I'll never be stable as long as I have to deal with this. I am going to leave all my blogs except the KLOL fan page, if anyone wants to follow me do it there. And I will be turning off asks for the fan page.

I am dissociating so much I have really bad amnesia of my days and am a walking disaster. I'm so forgetful I'm messing up on important things IRL and it could end in me getting hurt or killed by accident, I'm like a walking dead zombie. this hate doesn't help, and tbh tumblr is a harsh and unhealthy place so I am leaving all my accs except the KLOL fan page.

I'm sorry guys. I just can't live like this.

[soniclion92]

I think the worst part abt me being anti st*ncy is the fact that I don't even hate Steve like it'd be so much easier if I did but I don't!! He has so much potential to be a great character so naturally its really frustrating to see him essentially being reduced to nothing more than his romantic relationships bc (lets face it) the duffers have no clue what else to do with his character and even his fans reduce him to nothing more than a 'mom' or a 'babysitter'

Idk hopefully bringing back st*ncy was a device for steve actually getting over her in s5 because he didn't seem to even have any remaining interest in her UNTIL everyone planted the idea in his head. Maybe him teaming up with Jonathan in s5 leads him to the realization he doesn't need Nancy like he thinks he does. Like i've been thinking of the scenario of Steve being the one to knock some sense into Jonathan bc even if it hurts he would rather move on than see Jonathan self-sabotage his relationship bc neither Nancy or Jonathan desereve that. It would help both steve and Jonathan and possibly lead to the stoncy friendship we've been wanting from the beginning... but my faith in the Duffers is low atp so 😭

[georgegraphys]

People are acting as if George's admiration of Fernando starts out of petty spiteful evil shit when George, in his Carlin Volkswagen FRECA interview from YEARS ago has said that his fav driver is Fernando. And Fernando's been saying nice things about George since day 1, was very supportive of him throughout everything.

People really need to take jokes and online fans-projected persona lightly. Just because Nando's been portrayed as smart villain, doesn't mean he actually is and will try to whisper evil brainwashing villainous things to his juniors' ears to make them ruin or sabotage someone's race. Like y'all sickos really need to start looking into drivers' friendship dynamic OUTSIDE of the jokey jokey narratives fans made on social media (e.g. Max and George's friendship continuously stereotyped as enemies, i-hate-his-RB/Merc-ass, etc just because of some cheeky PR-ish stunts they threw each other infront of the press and Baku '23 or people starting to believe the narrative of George and Alex's friendship turning to br*cedes toxic era if they became teammates/rivals just because some people on twitter/tiktok started making up stuffs and dramatizing that shitty narrative). These idiots be thinking Fernando's some witch ready to entice his old rival's teammates into evil deeds. Go touch some grass and stop projecting yall's self to something that is truly just FRIENDSHIP and innocent. Atp, these idiots think of Fernando as the father of all evil, sabotage and villainous deeds in F1 when he has been completely supportive to his juniors, not only George but also Zhou, Oscar, and many more.

Stop making stupid delusional narratives and maybe start thinking simply instead of overthinking stuffs and making things up about two guys playing pingpong on a private jet. Start to take things lightly like "oh they're having fun!" instead of always acting like "sheesh george is playing 4D chess and planning machiavellian backstabbing sabotaging politics"