#it’s probably the medicine i took when i was having another anxiety attack like an hour ago lol

[disasterfandoms]

Don't Go Where I Can't Follow, Chapter Two || A Seal Team Story

A/N: This is Chapter two of the story that started this entire series: The Fix it! I will have the masterlist and the first chapter of the story linked! Reminder that this is set during/after the season 4 finale, and is based on the premise of Metal not dying. Pease note that I nor @bravo-four-seal-team are experts in medicine and therefore there are probably inconcistencies in this story.

TW: suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt. sex, pregnancy, vomit, alcohol use, description of medical procedures, death, near-death, code blue, domestic violence, PTSD, depression, anxiety, graphic language, mental abuse, hallucinations, blood, panic attacks, mention of miscarriage, mention of past abuse, mention of past injury, mention of disabilities, stalking, kidnapping, mention of ventilators, mention of comas, mention of past abuse, mention of stillborns, mention of rape, rape, mentions of gags/bondage.

AO3 Series Masterlist

Chapter 1

It was easy for her to run, she could get away from her thoughts for a while, forget about the emotions, just focus on breathing, where she was going, how she held herself, she just kept moving. They all had their own ways of coping and processing the day, running for her allowed her to escape from everything. 

She was tempted to drop Adonis back to Amelia and then just go back to base, work on the things she needed to do, but she knew that would never happen, knew Amelia would be on her ass if she decided to up and vanish, like she had done multiple times when things got tough. 

She slowed down, checking her watch and seeing the time, she’d stay out for another hour, sitting on the grass she huffed, getting the water bottle she had picked up and a collapsible bowl, popping it open then filling it so the german shepherd could drink. She never took her phone with her, it was still sitting on the table at Amelia and Trent’s place, she really wished she was overseas, least she would be able to focus and keep busy, no one would complain if she didn’t eat, there were times when they couldn’t, and they could only have protein bars, which she hated, but would eat. 

The Marine soon stood up, starting at an easy pace, before picking up speed and running with Adonis back home, well back to Amelia’s. She hated having to stay at hers, always feeling like she was just getting in the way of things. Eventually, she did get back, removing Adonis’ leash and letting him inside, she followed behind, the house was dark and quiet, so she would keep quiet as well, moving silently, locking the door and moving to get water. She was now exhausted, so sleep would hopefully come easily to her. 

“How was your run? Hi Donnie! Hi baby, you have fun? Hmm? Gonna sleep with me tonight? T’s gonna kill us when we comes back, isn’t he?” She would have laughed, seeing Ash jump a foot in the air, had the face mask she put on after her shower allowed her to.

Ash would never admit that Amelia caught her off guard, but she jumped and felt her heart rate skyrocket "the run was good, Adonis was an absolute angel, I'm gonna turn in for the night" she says "I'll need to go to...the store get things in the fridge for when they return." She speaks quietly "How was your call?" She asked as she took a drink of water. As much as she wanted to toss back a glass or two of whiskey, she couldn't, she hadn't eaten, but she also was cutting down on how much she drank "You should be in bed Ames"

“Donnie’s always a good boy, aren’t you?” Adonis barked in response, his tail wagging. Amelia nodded, and he ran upstairs to her bed, jumping on where Trent usually slept and waited. 

“Call was good, Scott was asleep, Trent looked exhausted. And it’s only… 8:30. I’m gonna have a cup of tea and work on the schematic and some ideas on trying to convince Trent on turning the formal dining room, which we don’t use, into a playroom for Willow, a place to keep all the toys her auntie Ash, Uncle Scot-Scot, and her grandparents keep supplying.” She said, poking fun at how they love to spoil her daughter.

The young woman grinned slightly, she had a habit of coming back from wherever she had been deployed to with toys and clothes. 

"Well," she says "You enjoy your tea, but I'm gonna go to sleep." Really she just couldn't continue to stay awake, letting the worry eat at her, it had gotten to the point of the feeling of being hungry and gone, the water she had drunk was the only thing she had since being told about Metal.

"Enjoy your evening Amelia" she smiled to her sister-in-law before moving to the guest room.

“Night Ash, come get me if you need me,” Amelia told the young woman, but in the back of her mind she knew Ashley would rather suffer and die than as for help. She sighed, grabbing a mug and filling it up, before heading back upstairs to Adonis and her laptop, enjoying the time alone. 

——————————————————————

Downside of sleeping on a ship, you could hear every little noise. Voices would bounce around and stop people, the crew from getting a decent sleep. 

Metal was being woken and checked on by  medical staff, which he wasn't too pleased about, however they were beginning to prepare for transport off the ship and to a plane.

The rest of Bravo had been woken and told to go pack their gear and get sorted out. There was still some tension between Clay and Sonny, which wasn't helping matters "Think he regrets his words?" Clay asked. 

"Who?" 

"Metal" Sonny added, looking over, to the others "you know 'Chernobyl of fun' from where I'm standing none of it was fun" the Texan said as he zipped his bag closed.  

Clay nodding "Pretty sure he jinxed himself" he sighed 

Jason rolled his eyes "Yeah well someone still owes him a case of beer." The others stopping and looking at Clay and Jason "Clay did the needle decompression" Bravo one informed "First time" 

"Thought I was out of firsts" Clay smirked. Trent during this time had kept quiet "How's the family holding up?" Brock asked. Drawing the attention to Trent who still looked exhausted. 

"Amelia is trying to hold it together, Ashley I'm pretty sure is on her way to a breakdown, someone else talk to that stubborn ass of a man about calling his family" Trent huffed. 

"I'll give it a shot, but I make no promises I'll get anywhere" Jason states, Soto appearing in the doorway "Be ready to go, got word that they're sending a bird for us in the next hour." He informed them. 

The team all relaxed knowing that they were getting out and away from the ship and never needed to be on one again for a long time. "Hey Brock" Sonny smirked "You still gotta tell Metal about the fun he missed out on" 

The team laughed, while the dog handler did not look too impressed to be the one to speak up and say something.

——————————

After Jason finally got all his stuff packed away, he made his way down to Medbay to see his brother. Jason, deep down, feels like shit that Metal got injured saving his and Clay’s asses from the RPG. Metal is his teammate now, he felt the need to protect him as such. It always hurts a little to go down and see him, just because, god, he must be in agony from the wounds he suffered. 

Jason walked into Medbay, finding Metal being poked and prodded by the nurses, trying to make sure he’s safe and stable for transport. He had to laugh at the sight, Metal looked terrified of needles. 

“Don’t.” Metal growled, then smiled politely at the nursing staff who seemed a bit afraid of him. 

That caused Jason to double over in laughter. “I-I’m sorry, Metal, but you’re afraid of needles?”

“Always have been. Pain in the ass to give vaccines to. Why are you here when they’re loading us all up on the same aircraft?”

“Trent asked someone to get it through your skull to call your family.”

Metal groaned, shaking his head. He didn’t want to talk to anyone yet, he’d rather just wait until they were all stateside and they could just see it for themselves. “Not happening, Hayes.”

“Why the hell not? Just send an email to the both of them saying you’re fine, you love them, and you’ll see them at the tarmac.” Jason huffed, putting his hands on his hips. He didn’t understand why Metal was being so damn stubborn about this. 

“Dammit, Jason. Not ready to talk to anyone about any of it, and I know my family. They won’t leave it alone.” Metal said, angry at the injuries, at his sister’s stubbornness. 

“They’re worried about you, Metal. Trent’s worried about all of you. Tell them you don’t want asked anything, not yet.”

Metal scoffed, “Yeah, like that’ll work. You met Amelia? Ashley? They’re both equally as annoyingly good at making someone talk.”

It hit Jason what might actually be wrong with Metal, why he won’t talk to his family. “You’re worried you won’t operate again. Is that it?”

“Hayes I swear to god, leave it alone.” Metal said menacingly, and it would have worked if he was able to do anything.

Jason just shook his head, and sighed, “Scott, send them the email. You’re alive, they don’t expect you to be 100%. Ashley, who I know you love, is going through some rough shit because you won’t talk to her.”

Metal sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to get the headache to go away. He finally resigned to emailing them, nodding, and shooing Jason away before everyone gets yelled at. He then sends an email to both Amelia and Ashley, before shutting down his laptop and pulling out his book again. 

This was gonna be a long flight home.

——————————————————————

The time it took from the ship to land, to board the plane, was already hell, especially for Metal since both Clay and Sonny had begun to quote things at him, Trent silently watching from where he sat, offering no help to his friend at all. 

They had 6 hours in the air, before they landed home. 

Trent just hoped both Clay and Sonny realised that Metal could probably kill them with the book he was holding, and was trying to finish. “Bet you totally regret the fun meter idea” Sonny grinned, Clay nodding “Got jinxed man” 

“If you like living you’ll leave me alone” Metal responded, trying to focus on the page he was re-reading for the 8th time. Trent sighed “Clay, Sonny, I got watch go sleep” he suggested, no one argued, both SEALs moving towards where they had set up so they could sleep. 

“Don’t start” Metal warned, Trent raised an eyebrow “Don’t start what? I’m sitting here keeping an eye on you” he responded, almost challenging his friend to make an excuse about what he thought he was doing. 

“You sent Jase to talk to me about emailing the girls” Metal frowned “I told you I would do it when I was ready” 

“When would that be? Once you got to a hospital stateside, where, you’d deny them entry for visiting? Or maybe you plan on shutting them out fully? You do realise your gonna be stuck with them, if it wasn’t Jason, I can guarantee, Amelia would have called Blackburn to order you to make contact” 

The look on his friend's face was enough to tell him that he got off lightly with Jason talking to him “I think you’d prefer Amelia and Ashley checking on you, rather than these guys pestering you.” he said, leaning back and crossing his arms “Won’t be long until you have to deal with Amelia worrying, she’ll be at the tarmac, your girlfriend however is gonna wait until your settled in hospital to check on you. Get some sleep.” Trent stated, removing the book from Metal’s hands. 

The unimpressed look Metal shot Trent spoke a thousand words,but Trent really didn't care at this point.

______________________________________________

4:30 AM. 

She’s going to kill Trent for making this her normal. Here she was, though, wide awake before dawn, Adonis sleeping peacefully where her husband should be laying. She gives him the lightest kiss on the head, and petted him a little bit before getting up to start the day. 

She first checks on her daughter, making sure she was okay before going downstairs and starting a pot of coffee, considering what to do for food since Ashley has takeout from the night before. She also needs to go to the store, get Trent some of his favorites before he comes home, it helps him get back to normal faster after a deployment. Amelia gets a cup of coffee, sits down at the bar and opens her laptop, checking her email. 

She’s received two of importance: one from Trent, saying they were on their way home and should be there by noon; and the other from Scott. She quickly opens the email from her big brother, which reads: 

“Mellie,

You need to stop worrying about me. I’m okay! As long as they have me drugged up, I can barely feel any of it. You probably just rolled your eyes at that, and if so, then mission accomplished. 

Take care of Ashley for me while I’m stuck on this godforsaken ship, and while I’m laid up in the hospital stateside. She’ll never admit it to me, but she’s probably terrified, unnecessarily so. 

Also, where the hell have my Willow pictures and videos?!? Thought you promised me at least one video and one picture a day of my little Willow tree. Yes I still call her that, and yes it’s still hilarious to me you named her after a tree. 

Most of all: Take care of yourself while I’m trapped. Know this stuff is never easy on you, even though you hide it well. Lean on your husband, dammit, it’s what he’s there for. Well, when he is there. 

Love you, stop worrying. 

Scotty.”

Amelia’s eyes couldn’t contain her tears as she read the email, she’s been trying to keep it together since she found out, but hearing from him broke the dam. She let them fall for a few minutes, everyone was  still asleep upstairs and she didn’t need to be strong for anyone in that moment. After that, though, she wiped up those tears and went on when her morning, drinking coffee and reading the news, making a grocery list, and then getting ready to get her daughter’s morning started after she got dressed.

————————

She was never a fan of sleeping, it's always been that way, she would nap here and there, 20-40 minutes each time. 

One thing that she hated was not knowing, she preferred having a plan, routine, so by 5am she was up, bed straightened, made to military standard like how she was taught. She began with push ups, which changed to sit ups then squats. 

She would need to eat something, so she reached for her uniform pulling out one of many protein bars she carried, opening then eating it. 

Why did they all taste like paper?

Grabbing paper from her notebook she carried she wrote down things she needed to do. 

She grabbed her toothbrush from her bag sighing slightly, she was supposed to be deploying in 24 hours, now she wasn't. Going to the guest shower room, she turned the tap on, brushing her teeth, once that was down, she grabbed a quick shower, dressed in what she had, plain sandy colour t-shirt and cargo pants, tying her hair into a bun out her face. Then pulled on her boots and headed downstairs. 

Second thing on the list, make sure Amelia was ok, see if she needed anything picked up "Morning Amelia" she said when she saw her friend "I'm gonna head out, gotta feed that kids, Void got into the main container again" she says showing her the video alert she got from the feeder "You ok?" She frowned, looking at her friend "You've been crying" she states worried, watching the woman Infront of her "Trent and Scott ok?" 

Seeing her friend nod, she raised and eyebrow "So why were you crying, don't give me that look" she warns "I know you, and know what your look when you've been in tears"

“It’s nothing, I’m fine Ash. Seriously, nothing’s wrong. Got an email from Trent, they’re on their way home, said something about them touching down at noon,” Amelia says, smiling. She’s omitting Scott’s email purposely, she doesn’t want Ash to feel like something is wrong with their relationship on purpose if he for some godforsaken reason didn’t email his girlfriend too.

Ashley shrugged "Alright, you need anything picked up? I'm gonna head out, gotta drop something at base, sort out the cat feeder, actually probably replace it, then head to the store,”  she says. 

The marine leant against the wall, checking the time "I logged out of the email account, pretty sure sitting refreshing that app was not helping my sanity." She smiles slightly, clearing her throat "Better crack on with the day. See if I can get my co to let me cover any training session while I'm stateside" she hums, picking up her keys "If you need anything call or text me, I can pick up a few things to save you rushing about"

Amelia smiled, “I’m making my grocery list now, Trent has a rough time readjusting so I try and accommodate by getting his favorites for him. Me and Willa-loo are going when they open, then it’s just a matter of getting her ready to see her Dad in person for the first time in two months. He told me last night he’s worried she’ll think he’s a stranger.” Amelia chuckled, then continued, “Hey Ash? … check your email.”

“Willow will be so happy to see Trent” Ashley grinned, glancing at the time “I will check later, once I sorted out a few things required to do” she hummed. “If you need anything, let me know, I’ll see you later at some point. Gonna be a while at Base” she huffed, walking towards the front door.

“I know that, but he’s not convinced. Bye Ash, read your email and i’ll see you at the hospital later.” Ameli said, waving goodbye to her friend and getting on with her day, starting with taking Adonis out and then getting the baby’s outfit picked out.

______________________________

Time passed quickly, and soon everyone found themselves back on home soil, the team made sure Metal was safely off the plane, jokes being shared, the team laughing and smiling, promise to visit Metal when they could, of course he did not support that idea and wanted to be left alone and not be disturbed, as Medics took over the transport to the ambulance. 

Blackburn bringing Amelia and Willow over to their family, knowing that Amelia would settle better once she had eyes on her older brother, the commander of DEVGRU looking to Bravo, congratulating them on a job well done, telling everyone to go home, while he made sure everyone had downtime until they were needed again. 

Trent grinning as he saw his wife, and his daughter, who had grown since the last time he saw her.  The rest of the team moved to their own families, but told the little family to call them, if they needed anything. 

It was always like that, when someone was hurt, or it was a fresh relationship or newborn, everyone jumped in to offer a helping hand, it was always like that. 

“Hey sailor, how was your flight?” Amelia asked, laughing as Trent dropped his bag and barreled into them, giving her possibly the biggest hug she’s ever gotten in her life. 

“Fine, full of people annoying Scott while he tried to read. Hi sunshine! Can I hold?” He asked their daughter, making a “come here” motion with his hands. He was incredibly relieved when she moved her grip off of Amelia and reached for him instead. 

“Think someone missed her Daddy as much as I did.” Amelia smiled, hugging Trent on one side while Willow was happily kicking her feet, looking around the tarmac. She waved at Scott, before removing herself from Trent and walking over to him. Trent nodded at her to go, he knew she needed to see him and he was happy to just be holding his daughter. 

Holy shit, she’s grown so much since he last saw her. 

Amelia didn’t take long with Scott, just gently hugging him and telling him she’s glad he’s alive, before she nodded to the paramedics that they can take him.  She watched them be wheeled away, before walking back to her family, beyond happy her husband was home, was safe. 

“You ready to go, love?” She asked Trent, whose entire focus was on Willow, talking to her about how big she’s gotten. 

“Yeah, can we stop by the house, let me shower and change before we go?” He asked, moving to the side of the vehicle with the car seat, putting Willow in and making sure she’s secured. 

“Yeah of course. Probably easier if we let her have her morning nap at home, let her eat lunch and then leave. Gonna text Ash, tell her he’s on his way to the hospital and we’ll be there around one.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Hey, T?”

“Yeah honey?”

“I love you, and I’m glad you’re home.”

“I love you too.”

---------------------

The second Amelia text her, she grabbed the things she knew would be needed for Metals hospital stay. It took an hour to get to the hospital.

It then took her a while to actually go into the hospital, she mostly just sat staring at the building, god she hated these places, she waited for a while so she was sure that Scott was by now in his room, probably complaining, maybe sleeping, most likely reading. 

Asking for the information, and sharing her relation to him, she made her way to the ward and then the room, taking a breath, waiting until the nurses and doctors left the room. Knocking on the door and smiling slightly “Hey” she whispered “I brought you, well things I guess you’ll need” she says, holding the bag up. 

She was surprised when he closed the book, and set it down “Have you even slept?” he asks, raising an eyebrow, Ash rolled her eyes, setting the bag down on the chair next to the bed “Few hours here and there, how are you holding up?” she asked. 

“Surviving, in a shit load of pain, but I'm alive” Metal responded, reaching out and taking Ashleys hand “Stop worrying.” 

“Oh please. We both know that I won't quit worrying about you, just like you worry about me” Ashley tuts “You know that talk.” she smirks, seeing the look of confusion cross his face “Something along the lines of, you can be heroic, but you need to deal with the consequences?” she states. 

“Ashley, don’ start” he warns, but Ashley laughed “Like I would, as much as I love you, and your need to look after the team, I need you to get better, then I’ll rip you a new one for freaking me, right, Ames says she and T will be here at one, but...I gotta bounce, finish sorting things out, but I will be back, you play nice” 

“I'm always nice”

“Only when you want to be, get some sleep.”

“You too Ashley” 

“Eh I’ll sleep when your home” 

______________________________________________________________

Coming home was always weird for Trent. He tried to spend his deployment completely focused on the present, trusting Amelia has the home front settled, so he can enjoy himself if he can and focus on getting home safely. 

That focus, however, comes with a price when he comes home. Everytime he walks through the door, for the first couple weeks, he feels like a stranger and a guest, all at the same time. Doesn’t matter the state of the deployment, home never feels like home until he gets situated again. 

This deployment is no different. Walking into the house feels foreign to him, especially since this was the first time he’s been gone for more than a week since Willow was born. Even though Amelia had cleaned before they picked him up, he still saw the toys, the playpen, not that he minded, helped him to know life went on while he was gone. 

Still, feels a little weird. 

He put his bag down in the entryway, immediately going upstairs to shower, scrub his skin raw, try to was off the stench of the ship, the memories burned into his brain. His mind kept skipping to the last mission, seeing Brock struggle with the terrorist while Ray froze. Then when he froze again in the field, only this time it was both Ray and himself in trouble. He tried to push it out of his mind, he was safe at home, with his wife and daughter. He wouldn’t be able to, though, not for a little while. 

After a while he gets out, changes into clothes that aren’t his uniform, and heads back downstairs, petting Adonis when he sees him. Amelia’s in the kitchen, the baby on her hip, making a bottle. He comes up behind them, putting one arm around Amelia’s waist and digging his face into the crook of her neck. 

“I’ll feed her, go take care of yourself,” Trent offered, letting go and backing up a few steps, letting Amelia turn around. Amelia nods, smiling and leaning her hip with Willow on it towards him, letting him grab her. She gave him the bottle once it was ready, and he went to sit on the couch, propping his feet up, laying Willow down and giving her the bottle. God she’s grown up on him, he couldn’t believe that in just two months she’s as big and strong as she's gotten. 

“I’m, uh, gonna go on a run with Adonis. He got a good one in with Ash last night but it’s been a while since it’s just been the two of us,” Amelia smiled, leaning on the doorframe, her arms crossed, Adonis’s leash in her hand. 

“Go, I got her. Gonna get some snuggling in with Willow and watch something. Have fun, and be careful.”

“We will, won’t we Donnie? Yeah? Ready to go? C’mon! Be back in like an hour.” Amelia smiled, clipping the lease to the German Shepherd and walking out the door.

Trent looked down at his daughter, her bright eyes staring back up at him. Seeing her just instantly puts a smile on his face. He tickles her leg, his fingers going up her side, then pinched her cheeks, causing her to giggle. 

Yeah, he could get used to this.

——————————————————————

Ashley had returned to the hospital, but never went in Metals room, standing watching him read, she was just glad he was relaxed. 

She kept out the way while staff checked on him, letting out a sigh, she moved forward, knocking once again on the door then entering when he looked over "Forgot how fast you get through books" she states leaning against the wall, allowing the nurse the room to move around and do the checks, the marine couldn't tell you what was being checked, all she knew was, her boyfriend was trying to hide the pain "Could he get painkillers or something? He won't ask, he's too stubborn" she grinned. 

Moving to sit down, making sure not to knock the side of the bed. "So, other than, these lovely injuries deployment go ok?" She asked 

"Was slow, boring, Brock got sea sick, Trent decided to research, think it was scurvy?" 

"...Brock got sea sick and he's in the Navy…" she blinked, smirking slightly "Course Trent was more worried about some weird sickness...I swear I thought he was the sane one in the family" seeing the small smile she got from the man. "Heard you managed to create a fight club and take down all of Bravo" 

The injured man chuckled "You'd think they'd know they can't beat me" he said, setting the book down "took the rest of them to tackle me down, somehow turned to the Bravo pile" 

"You get to fight Hayes? If not I want front row seats"

She was happy that Metal was talking to the, though she could see the energy leaving, while sleep tried to take hold. "Babe, rest up, it'll help the pain, when you wake up, I'll be here ok?" She said quietly, watching him nod slowly "Good, gotta get rest before your friends come crashing your peace" she hummed while she watched as the man fell asleep. 

Leaning back in her chair letting out a breath, and closing her eyes, counting to ten before going on her phone and researching some things.

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

Another Vent Fic methinks

It was going to be accompanied by some art but it won't let me post if it has art, so I'll post it separately.

tws: overdosing, s//cide, self hate, suicidal thoughts, mentions of periods, and small talk of religion, as well as mentions of COVID. and throwing up. As well as the situations with a certain b named person, and animal death(no animals died its just referring to a fear), parents fighting, abandonment issues, self harm mentions, and idk what else to warn yall for.

Uhh yeah look at the tws. They were put in bold so you would see them. There's a lot so I probably won't be able to tag them all. Tell me what tws to add and I will add them.

Because I thinking about the event from my perspective causes me to become ✨ pathetic✨(by that I mean physically gag and curl up and whine), I am going to write about it from my sona's perspective. I am not completely my sona, because I am Mika and my sona is Happie. Named that because I want to happy, she's carried that name ever since I got into Splatoon (about the end of 2020)

It will talk about what I went through in may-june of 2020, and how this all is now affecting me. It will also make references to things that I do believe are at fault for my depression and anxiety.

Also, note: the first part of the story took place before my mom became a teacher.

So, yeah, look at the tws.

The family was only a few hours into their trip when it went bad, horribly bad.

Happie rubbed the tears in her eyes, her knees to her chest. 

Her brother was yelling at her again. She could barely hear his words through her own gasps, her own hyperventilation, her own sobbing.

She was a pathetic mess. She hated herself. She had just recently gotten out of the inpatient unit, but it didn't help. She still wanted to die, she still hated herself. 

Her parents insisted on doing prayer and reading the bible, all whilst she was trembling and whimpering and choking on her own tears. Happie was scared of the church. She had panic attacks whenever her parents forced her to go. She clawed at the wall and sobbed and hyperventilated and tried to get smaller and smaller so her mom couldn't hug her and say "it will be alright. The church will help all your bad emotions go away."

Even though everyone at church scared her. She didn't want to go there and be judged. Everyone seemed to bear their eyes towards her for not looking like a proper lady, for having short and messy hair and eyebags.

She was always told she would go to hell if she broke any of the commandments. Happie grew a fear of doing anything wrong. It meant she would go to hell.

Her grandma's passing was her fault, she had done too much wrong and now everyone was being punished because of her.

She didn't like thinking about that. She tried to snap back to the present. But the verses were still being read. Happie knew that prayer would come soon.

Her brother said the prayer. It was quick and basic.

She said she would sleep in the living room. She didn't want to be sleeping in the same room as her brother. He would just yell at her again. She didn't like yelling.

Happie waited for everyone else to leave, looking at her notebook and pencils. Her plan had been come up with pretty quickly, but she knew it would likely work.

She began by writing a note.

She admitted she had been dating one of her classmates before COVID hit. Not even one of her male classmates- a female.

She admitted that she hated going to church, that she hated the bible and she hated scripture study.

She admitted that the inpatient unit didn't work.

And then she placed it on the table.

And went to the room she and her brother shared and grabbed a bottle.

It was a bottle of midol. It originally had 50 pills in it, but she had taken one earlier in the day to help with her period cramps.

Happie went back out to the living room, grabbing a can of rootbeer and cracking it open. She then opened the medicine bottle.

She began by taking two pills at a time. Then three. Then four. When the can of rootbeer was empty, Happie got herself a cup of water.

Five, six, seven pills at a time.

Swallowing 49 pills until the bottle was empty. 

The white bottle with a blue label, round at the edges and holding a child proof circle as it's lid.

Only then did she realize, she didn't want to die. She was scared. 

She ran to her and her brother's room, begging him for the phone they shared. A flip phone.

He got mad and asked why. Happie could only tell him to read the note on the table. She told him that she didn't want their parents to know, that she just wanted to call for an ambulance.

He told their parents. Happie's sad told her to make herself throw up or else they would take her to the ER. She didnt know how to make herself throw up.

Her parents got her in the car, quickly rushing her to the nearest hospital. She was put into the emergency room.

A bunch of wires were attached to her, and there was an IV in her arm.

A nurse came in with something that looked like a toothpaste tube, and squeezed the dark gray contents inside a small foam cup. The nurse then put a straw into it and gave it to Happie. "Drink it," the nurse instructed, "it's liquid charcoal and will clean your system of the medicine."

Happie gave it a reluctant sip and immediately pulled away. It was bitter, dry, salty, and it made her gag.

She gave a few more sips but not enough to finish the cup.

"Drink it all now or else we'll put a tube down your throat and pour it down." The nurse threatened.

Happie was terrified, so she drank. While she did so, the blood in her arm was drawn once again.

Her mom was in a chair in the infirmary, and it was the first time in Happie's life that her mother gave full attention and worry to her. More often than not, her mother was more worried about work, and paid more attention to TV shows. 

How odd. Her mom only seemed to care whenever Happie's life was on the line. But was it because, if Happie died, her parents couldn't continue to play "perfect Christian family"?

She had gotten to the hospital at about 11pm, and now it was 6am. 

The doctors originally thought she would be able to go home with her parents, but the spike in her Tylenol levels that had just showed up made them call an ambulance to drive her to a hospital in her home state.

She threw up a few times in the ambulance ride, and each time it was gray in color.

Her IV was still with her, but her mother wasn't. Her mother was driving home with her father and brother.

She didn't have a stuffed animal or a familiar blanket, she was alone.

 When she arrived, they carried her on a stretcher to the mother's ward. All wards except inpatient were clogged up because of COVID.

She stayed in that ward for about 4 days, occasionally getting visits. One from her grandma, one from her dad, but the majority came from her mom. Her mom visited almost daily.

Happie couldn't tell if it was from actual care or if it was so that she'd look good to her family and the hospital staff and the church.

After her stay in the mother's ward was up, she was moved to in inpatient ward- the one for 17 and under people. 

The room she was given has sanded windows, so she couldn't look outside. The bed was more like a gym mat, and the desk was small. The door to the bathroom had big gaps at the top and bottom. And the bookshelf was completely empty.

She could only call her parents, they weren't allowed to visit.

She felt trapped. She made friends and wasn't allowed to keep them- it felt like they were abandoning her whenever they were able to leave. She didn't like being abandoned.

By the end of June, she hadn't harmed herself of even thought about ending her life. That was nice.

-

She had lost a friend, but she was happy. Just like her name.

Happie's so-called friend wasn't a good person. That much she knew. She was terrified of this friend. 

She had mutual friends with this friend, and she was worried that this friend would begin spreading lies about her if she said anything against what she was told.

Happie worked hard to become likeable enough to make these friends. Making friends has always been hard for her. They always ended up hurting her or abandoning her.

So she made as many as she could to make sure she wouldn't be left in the dirt once one friend grew tired of her.

When Happie finally realized how bad of a person this friend was, it destroyed her. She told only one of their mutual friends, and then three friends who didn't exactly know who this person was.

Then another mutual friend told Happie that this person had turned on her and went back on their word. 

Her trust had fallen on crashed like a Jenga tower. She shouldn't have trusted a new friend so quickly, but she did. And it hurt.

The following weeks hurt. She began to attempt to investigate. She was given the user of someone who this person had hurt, and decided to interview them. Then she read through two Twitter threads. Then she contacted someone else that this person had lied about.

She made the posts. Finally speaking up. 

She was terrified of her friends yelling at her and telling her that she was being petty and abandoning her. She had prepared herself for that.

She didn't prepare herself for the oncoming wave of support she received. For people to DM her and tell her their stories. 

But that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. She beat herself up and called herself names, she had a hard time sleeping because she could be doxxed.

She had a hard time sleeping because she was worried that the person would somehow show up at her house and kill her dogs.

Happie hated herself. She hated the people on her side who has told Brady to off themselves. She hated the people who seemed to ignore her until she needed something. 

She tried to show that she could be confronted if something rubbed someone the wrong way, but she was terrified of that too.

Mentally, she was still a pathetic little girl, hugging a white and gray blanket close and sobbing as she listened to her parents yelling and screaming at eachother. She was still a little girl who didn't ever get love shown to her with packed lunches with little notes, or thought out birthday gifts, or nightly hugs.

She was only hugged when her parents were upset and needed comfort.

She was still just a little girl playing with friends to avoid home, to avoid the screaming and the yelling and the crying. Still just a little preschool girl who played with her oldest sister's friend's puppies whenever she could.

Still just a little girl who read a series about cats fighting so she could be buried in a world where the good guys always win, and the cats in the sky would still communicate with the living through whatever.

Still just a little girl who wanted to believe happily ever after could exist.

But she was still the same little girl who started developing boobs in third grade, who got her first period the summer before fifth. The same little girl who learned what sex was in fourth, the same little girl who had cut herself in sixth.

She was the little girl who had matured early, physically and mentally, and never got to hold onto childish joy for long. The little girl who would tell her mom to go to her room to calm down, and her brother to go to his room to calm down. The same little girl who had been through four therapists by seventh grade.

Actually, no matter how much Happie wishes, she isn't a little girl anymore. She never will be a little girl again.

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 77

Warnings: A bit of repetition but I promise there’s a point! Stress and a little anxiety, Onryo has a panic attack Word count: 2992

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts

Masterlist

Volt 76 | Volt 78

Classes dragged on throughout the day. It was finally the last class, lunch having already passed. Denki and I had an arduous conversation last night of why we can’t have sleepovers for a few days, but we compromised on sleeping on the phone together. Except I didn’t get any sleep. I couldn’t risk seeing those things again, the fears of that and risking breaking more things was enough to spark my anxiety and make my heart race faster than it already does. My brother kicked my chair, pulling me out of my aimless staring and spacing out.

What’s going on with you?

Nothing.

Bullshit.

I dismissively shook my head and turned back around, Dad’s eyes trained on us as he continued his lecture.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion at the moment, everything weighing on me. Hurting Denki, the nightmares, the girl in danger. My heart panged against my chest violently, my arms and hands started tingling, traveling up to my nose and across my face. It was like someone was standing on my chest. I shakily raised my hand, catching a glimpse of a concerned look from Dad.

“Yes, Onryo?”

“Can I go to Recovery Girl?” I breathed out, hands trembling against my desk. He gave one nod and I hurried out of my seat and past the door. Despite rushing to her office, it seemed to take longer than normal to get there. My vision slowly became blurry and breathing was a chore through the hyperventilating.

“Tsukare? Dear, take a seat for me. I’ll grab your meds, just sit tight.” I followed her instructions and sat on the cot, my legs bouncing a thousand kilometers a second. I ran a hand down my face, wiping at any stray tears. I quickly downed the two pills she handed me and waited impatiently for the medicine to go into effect. “Did anything trigger it, dear?” I fervently shook my head and looked at the ground. “Would you like me to call one of your parents down here if they don’t have a class?” I gently nodded my head, sniffling a little.

My Pops shouldn’t have a class right now.

She gave me a small pat on my hand and went back to her desk, making a quick phone call. In a short amount of time, Pops was sliding open the door and sitting next to me.

“Hey little listener, everything okay?” He asked gently, crouching in front of me. I nodded a little and took a shaky breath. “Onryo? How long have you been up?”

I don’t know, probably around 38 hours?

“Onryo. You need to get sleep.”

I will.

“Onryo.” He said slightly sterner.

I know, Pops. Just couldn’t sleep last night.

“You already know what your Dad and I are going to suggest.” I sighed but nodded.

Sorry.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” I huffed out a mildly sarcastic breath at his words and sniffled.

Can you let Dad know I’m spending the night? I froze and another round of nausea came over me at a sudden realization, a memory popping up out of seemingly nowhere. I need to go talk to Nedzu about something, family meeting later. Love you.

“Onryo, slow down. What’s going on?” He asked lightly, blocking me ever so slightly with his body.

“Pops, I just remembered something big and I need to talk to Nedzu about it. It’s about the family meeting later.” He sighed and gave me a kiss on top of my head before letting me go. I rushed down to Nedzu’s office, knocking on the door and waiting for it to slide open. My principal cracked it open, clearly surprised to see me.

“Tsukare, pleasure to see you. What brings you to my office? Take a seat, is everything alright?” He asked calmly as I sat on one of the couches.

“I just remembered something. A-And it’s important. I think I repressed it, so it didn’t come up when I gave my statement about Kamino. I’m sorry.” I choked out, my throat feeling like it was closing slightly.

“Tsukare, take your time. You’re not in trouble for something you couldn’t remember. What about Kamino is this about?”

“It’s about Toga, sir.” His face scrunched a bit, an odd look for the intelligence oriented principal to have. “She- When-” I couldn’t get the words out, my heart pounding against my chest deafeningly. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it, too. “When we were warped into the room and this happened,” I started, gesturing to the scar going down my neck, “I saw her drink some of my blood.”

“I remember reading that in the report.” He confirmed, waiting patiently for me to continue. 

“She collected some of it in a few vials.” I said weakly, terrified for what this could mean. The room was so quiet, our breathing sounded exaggerated.

“You’re sure of this?” He asked softly, not doubting me but to confirm.

“I’m sure.” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I had a nightmare the other night, of Toga and she turned into Denki. I think that’s what sparked the memory. I might have mentioned it to Tsukauchi, but I don’t know if I did or if I said how much. It’s a blur.” I told him hesitantly. “I came to you right away, hoping we could implement a system of some kind to be sure it’s never her impersonating me.”

“I’m glad you came to me. I’m going to figure out a definitive way to ensure that never happens. I’ll call you down when I do and we can fix anything that may need tinkering.” I simply nodded and clenched my hands tight, hoping to ground myself. “Tsukare? Is there anything else you would like to talk about with what happened in Kamino?”

“I’m kinda glad she missed my jugular and carotid.” I said in a somewhat joking tone.

“Tsukare. Part of recovering from it, a vital part, is talking about it. More than once. Have you spoken to anyone about what happened?”

“I talked to Tsukauchi for my statement, my family listened to it so they know. And Bakugou knows because he was there.” Nedzu gave me a pointed look and I sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about it, but thank you for the advice.”

“Tsukare.” I looked at him briefly. “My door is always open if you’d like to talk about it.”

“Thank you, sir.” I said softly before leaving. The final bell ringing, meaning school was officially out. I sent a text to the family group chat, calling a family meeting before walking to my parents place. I let myself in with the spare key I was given and sat on the couch, waiting patiently for everyone to get there. In ten minutes, everyone was in, Pops and Dad giving me a hug, Hitoshi being the last one to arrive.

“Onryo? You called the meeting, you get to start.” Dad said softly, gesturing to me with an open hand. I sat hunched over, forearms resting on my knees, my brother beside me, our parents in front of us.

“It’s about Toga.” I started, much like I did with Nedzu. “She has my blood in vials.” I told them.

“What are you talking about?” My brother asked quickly, asking the question everyone had.

“In Kamino. I guess I blocked it out or something. When we were in the room, she drank some of my blood, but she also collected some of it.” I confirmed with a shaky voice. “Nedzu’s making a plan for me coming into the school and whatnot, to make sure it’s me but we need to come up with something that each of you can ask me that nobody else would know. So that if the time ever arises, you know if it’s really me or not.” Pops looked ready to faint or cry, maybe both. Dad looked concerned and Hitoshi sat there in disbelief.

“I’ll ask you what I call your Pops or where I found you when we adopted you.” Dad said, soothing my concerns a little.

“Sunshine and Oike Park.” I replied instantly.

“I’ll ask you how your Dad leaves reminders for us.” Pops said softly.

“Color coded sticky notes.” I said.

“And I’ll ask what we first bonded over.”

“Our parents being our favorite heroes and cats.” I told him, receiving a soft nod. “If you get a vague answer, it’s not me. The more precise the answer, the better.” I said, wiping my face in hopes of wiping away my growing anxiety, knowing I would have to go over this with our classmates.

“It’ll be okay, little listener.” Pops tried to sooth me but that sparked a new set of emotions, tears welling in my eyes.

“What if nobody notices and it happens?” I asked shakily, my brother pulling me into his side.

“We’ll notice. You’re our son. And Hitoshi’s your brother. We’re family. We’ll notice no matter what.” Pops said gently, sitting on my other side.

“Promise?” I asked weakly.

“We promise.” Dad confirmed, crouching in front of us. “I have to play the tough parent now, but you need to go talk to your classmates. You can’t push this off.” I sadly laughed and nodded, pulling our Dad into a tight hug. “I love you both.”

Hitoshi and I returned the sentiment, making our way to the dorms. My brother sent a text to the class group chat, telling them to meet in the common area asap. When we walked in, everyone was gathered around. Iida, Denki and Izuku the first ones up and to the door.

“Shinsou! You called a meeting! I’m glad to see you taking initiative, however, is everything alright?” Iida asked with his robotic arms.

“Hey babe, you okay?” Denki followed up.

“Hitoshi? What’s going on? Are you alright? You don’t call meetings like this. You hate these things.” Izuku said, clearly worried. I leaned against the back of one of the couches, my brother and Denki on either side of me.

“I texted the group chat for Onryo.” He casually stated. Bakugou huffed and started walking away.

“Like hell I’m gonna listen to earbleed go on and on about some stupid nerd shit.” He barked out.

“Shut the hell up and sit your ass back down, Bakugou.” I called back. Everyone froze, the blond turning around like I just called him a slur. He could tell by the single look in my eye that he had to be here and leaned against the door frame. “It’s about the League, more about Toga than anyone else.” I took a deep breath, my nails digging into my palms. “Nedzu and I are working on a foolproof plan for identifying me everyday, but Toga got some of my blood, a lot more than she got from Uraraka. So, if anyone has even an inkling that it’s not me, you or someone else has to ask me a personal question. One that not a lot of people or anyone else would know. If I give a vague answer it won’t be me, get someone else to ask me a question or get my Dad to come and erase my quirk. I’m asking all of you to think of questions you can ask me in case you think something isn’t right.” I said painfully. My friends and boyfriend looked appalled, not knowing how to take this.

“When did she manage to get your blood?” Yaoyarozu asked hesitantly.

“In Kamino.” My words came out clipped and bitter.

“Tsukababes, what happened in Kamino?” I rolled my lips together, fighting to keep the wall of secrets built up.

“We got sent to another room and she cut me up.” I said, my tone harsh while I stared at my hands.

“That’s not all that fuckin happened.” Bakugou retorted.

“Watch it.” I firmly said, glowering at him.

“Then what else happened, ear bleed?” He pressed, taking a few steps closer to me.

“Bakubro.” Kiri gently said, hoping to get him to back off.

“She turned into Shiroka.” I said, staring at him in his scarlet eyes. He paused, clearly not knowing or expecting that.

“Who’s Shiroka?” Uraraka asked timidly.

“My psycho birth mother.” I curtly stated, Denki’s hand coming up to hold one of mine. “She used to stalk me, tried to kidnap me, the works. They got her in on it and Toga turned into her.”

“Is she the one who gave you all your scars?” Hagakure asked softly. I grimly shook my head, knowing the truth would hurt a lot of my friends.

“No.” I huffed, letting out a breath of a sarcastic laugh. “A lot of them are from different foster homes before I was adopted. Some of them are from Shiroka, from Kamino. Others are from Toga, some are from me, the burns are from Dabi.” I said, biting back any tears that wanted to come out. “Some of them are my own fault, I guess. I basically told them to use me as a fucking punching bag back there.”

“Tsukabro? What are you talking about?” Kirishima asked gently, looking completely and utterly defeated.

“They wanted to break us in Kamino. To get us to join.” I replied, glancing at the angry blond who still stood there. “I told them to give me their worst so they’d leave Bakugou alone. It wasn’t- It wasn’t a new pain for me, knew I could take it, so I did.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, Onryo.” Tsu said gently, looking at me with her own bleary eyes.

“It’s not your fault.” I gently told her. “Gotta reap what I sow.”

“I have the same habit.” Shoji said with one of his dupli-arms. “I’ll let myself get hurt before it happens to one of my friends.” He slowly reached up and took off his mask, revealing his scarred face. “The people back in my home town don’t like mutant quirks. So they took their hatred out on me. I had basically nothing until I got here.” He stated plainly, eyes boring into the floor.

“You shouldn’t have had to endure that, Shoji.” I told him, his eyes meeting mine.

“And neither should you.” I gave him a small nod of thanks.

“Onryo?” Izuku asked softly, turning everyone’s attention to him. “What happened in Kamino?”

“Nothing else of importance.” I stated firmly.

“Onryo?” He pressed slightly.

“You can talk to us, man.” Kiri chimed in. “We’ve all been through a lot together already, we all sleep in the same place and see each other everyday. We’re here for you. Whatever happened, you can talk to us.” My heart pounded brutally against my rib cage, feeling trapped between a wall and a hard place.

“Nothing important happened. But thank you, and I return the sentiment to each of you. I’m here if any of you guys need to talk about anything.” The class all seemed to shut down, mildly defeated at my aversion. I excused myself and head up to my room, wanting to change out of my clothes, the offending fabrics making my skin crawl.

I took out my hearing aids and popped them on the charger, quickly changing my pants before peeling off my shirt. A small vibration in the floor caught my attention, I glanced up in the mirror I had propped against the wall and saw Denki stepping in, gently shutting the door behind him.

“I knocked but I didn’t hear a response, figured you had your hearing aids out.” He said in what I assume was a soft voice. He took a few steps closer, eyes glued to my back.

“Sorry, I took my ears out and needed to get out of the uniform.” He nodded slightly, eyes still glued to my back. My body froze the closer he got, watching in the mirror as one of his warm hands reached out, fingertips brushing over the unsightly ridges and divots.

“I’ve never really seen the ones on your back. I’ve seen them, I know they’re there, but I’ve never really looked at them.” He said, the mirror being my saving grace in understanding him. I took a shaky breath, knuckles white as I gripped onto the shirt in my hands.

“Probably for good reason, they aren’t the nicest thing to look at.” I muttered, Denki clearly heard me, his eyebrows cinching together in dismay.

“They’re apart of you, so they’re beautiful.” I scoffed under my breath but relaxed my body a little. “Onryo?” He asked, licking his lips delicately. “Can I ask what happened in Kamino?” My eyes darted around and I could feel that wall crumbling a little more.

“A lot happened.” I said, taking a deep breath. “A lot happened and it fucked me up, but I guess it was my fault.” 

“None of it was your fault.” He told me but I shook my head. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He said again, his gaze never straying from mine.

“I told them to take it out on me. It’s my fault.” I mumbled, staring into his beautiful eyes.

“You didn’t ask for them to kidnap you. To try and force you two to join. You wanted to protect Bakugou.” He replied honestly. My lips pursed together as I tried to hold back any and all of the flooding emotions. “Let’s relax. You’ve had a long day.” He leaned around and kissed my cheek. I turned around and pulled him into a hug. I held onto him tightly, soaking in his warmth and his presence.

He felt safe and comfortable. Things that I realized at the moment, I had been missing in my own mind.

[theshelbyclan]

Breathe in the air

Summary: Being a Shelby sister, it means you have a head for business and know how to handle yourself. Unfortunately, you struggle with asthma, but luckily Arthur is there to protect you always

A/N: The wonderful @psychkunox​ requested: Hi there, it's me first time requesting at your blog (I dunno why im nervous but yeah you're one of the blogs i've stan hard when i discovered the Shelby!reader fic hehe i really love ur writingss) So here is it. May i ask a request, a sister Shelby one, despite being a badass fighter the only flaw she have was having asthma. They went to a deal gone wrong one and the enemy start smoking them in and the brothers saying "do i(we) make ourselves clear?" to them. Touch up the gaps hehe Thank you in advanceee 😊💕 You had to wait quite a while for this one, and I hope you’ll be able to forgive me… You gave me lots of different snippets of a story and I tried to piece them all together. Also, I used to have asthma attacks myself when I was little, but it’s been a while now, so I hope this makes sense. Please let me know what you think!! 

Words: 2403 *** 1914 ***

“I need them.” “No, you don’t, sweetheart…” “I do, Arthur,” you panted, “I fucking need…” But no other words came out. “No more than three words,” he said, turning to his brother, “it’s rough on her today.”

Nothing major had happened. It was simply another case of the fireplace not drawing properly. The chimney probably needed sweeping out, but they’d left it too long, and suddenly the mess inside it had collapsed. In seconds, the entire front room was covered in ash and soot. The Shelby’s brothers laughed, Aunt Polly cursed and Ada and Tommy left the room feeling more annoyed than entertained. Arthur had turned to you at once, knowing the last thing you needed was even more dust to clog your asthmatic lungs.

“What do we do?” John asked, looking at you with great concern, “Doesn’t she need her pills?” “No. We do nothing,” Arthur said in a surprisingly soft and gentle voice, “We breathe, calmly…” You looked up at him with pleading eyes, feeling panic rushing through your body, “Arthur?” “Breathe,” he repeated, “Breathe…” *** 1918 *** As you were walking home from work at the BSA, a few men were following you. This wasn’t unusual, this wasn’t new, and you knew what to do. First off, Polly taught you, avoid all walls, because someone could easily push you up against them or drag you away, before you could even scream. Secondly, stick to the busier roads and remember to be vigilant at all times. Thirdly, keep a hand on the dagger you had gotten for you 18thbirthday: it would keep you safe. There were about a thousand times more of these rules and tips, because being a woman sucked, and they went through your head one by one. Are they still there? You turned around slightly, without attracting attention to yourself. They were. Feel for the knife, Aunt Polly’s voice in your head was saying, is it still there? It was. As you quickened your pace, you realised they were doing the same thing. And then your breath got stuck in your throat and anxiety started to set in your body. Calm down, you told yourself, calm down. Just get home before they can notice anything.

You heard footsteps behind you. There was the rustling of coats and the clearing of throats. As fast as you could, you made your way passed the wharfs, but the smoke was making your vision blurry and you had to cough a few times. And still, you could feel the men breathing… And then your breathing started to change. It had increased steadily as your anxiety grew and now it felt like every breath provided you with less and less air. Your lungs were closing up as your eyes fogged over and sheer fear took over. Like a maniac you searched your brain for some bit of advice of Polly’s that might help here, but nothing came. So you frantically searched your pockets for the little tin of medicine, all the while running for safety, but in the chaos you dropped the pills as soon as you had pried the container open. For a second you froze. This is it, you thought. This is how I’m going to die. All around you there was nothing but smoke and the iron cage tightened itself around your chest with each breath. You wheezed and clawed at your blouse, but to no avail. Then the world was spinning. You heard their voices, but you could no longer tell from which direction they were coming. And then it all went still. *** 1910 *** “What’s wrong with her?” The doctor examined your chest once again, while you struggled to breathe. “What’s wrong with her?” little John’s voice sounded again.   You heard Tommy sigh, “She can’t breathe…” “Why?” a high-pitched question followed at once. “She has a condition,” the doctor replied gravely, “she suffers from something we call ‘shortness of breath’.” “I get that,” Polly said shortly, “when I run up the stairs. What she has is different.” “It happens,” the doctor said in an uninterested voice, “there’s not much we can do. Keep her in bed. Make sure she doesn’t excite herself.” Polly barked a short laugh, “Have you met this one?“ “What about a cure?” Tommy spoke like he was the head of the family already. Again the doctor shrugged, “There isn’t one.” Then he began to pack up his things and made his way to the door, “Although there has been some success using stimulants, adrenaline and so on… but I’m not sure you could even get those in Birmingham…” “That’s useful, thank you doctor,” Aunt Polly practically hissed, “What about something that we can get?” “Maybe try some belladonna pills? Some believe they help…”

Your eyes flitted from family members to the doctor and even though you didn’t understand much, you knew it wasn’t going good. And then your oldest brother crouched down next to you. “How do you feel?” he asked softly. Slowly you tried to lift your head and whispered, “Remember… when I... tried to swim… across the Cut?” He nodded and smiled a little. “Like that,” you panted, feeling talking took all of your energy away from you, “Drowning. Without water.”

Tommy tapped Arthur on the shoulder and said, “I’m going to get the pills. Aunt Pol knows where.” “I’ll stay,” Arthur replied, “Wait with her.” “I can’t wait!” you squeaked in a panicky voice, “It hurts!” Then he took your hand and said, “Tom will get the pills, but in the meantime, you have to listen to me.” You were afraid, in a way you had never been afraid before, but tried to be calm just for Arthur’s sake. “There will come a time, when you won’t have the pills. And you will still feel bloody awful, just like right now,” he said, “So I need you to learn to be calm.” “But the doctor,” you protested, “he said… there’s no cure!” “There is!” Arthur urged, “Remember last year? Just calm down, sweetheart, calm down and breathe…” You tried to inhale a big gulp of air, but still it felt like only a little was going in, “I can’t!” you cried at once. “Breathe,” he repeated, “Here, we’ll do it together, alright?” You nodded. “Breathe in, now count to five: one, two, three, that’s it, hold your breath, four, five. Now breathe out and count again. And again…” Slowly, you started breathing with Arthur, while he was holding your hand and stroking your hair lovingly. “Breathe” he kept on saying, “breathe…” And eventually, it worked. *** 1918 *** And right then, in the middle of the smoke, you remembered Arthur. Breathe. You could hear his voice in the fog. And slowly you managed to calm yourself while breathing with him through the anxiety. Still, you had to get out of the smoke, with all the soot and city dirt clogging up your lungs. Ada was right; you needed to get out of the city. And then you realised the men were still following you. Except, now you weren’t scared anymore. As you rounded a corner, you stopped behind a wall and waited until they would pass you. You breathed in slowly while you waited, counted to five and there they came. Number one, you kicked in the balls and he doubled over at once. Number two nearly tripped over his friend, which gave you the opportunity to punch him square in the nose and break at least some bones. Number 3 was ready to fight, but by this time you had gotten your birthday present dagger out and decided to reverse all gender roles and push him up against the wall with the blade pressed against his throat.

“Miss,” he pleaded, hands held high, “wait…” “Miss, now, is it?” you replied. From the corner of your eye you could see the other two were getting up and approaching, so you warned, “Move and I’ll cut your friend here.” One scoffed, “I find that hard to believe…” “Yeah? Why’s that?” you questioned lightly. And then he came even closer and hissed in your ear, “Pretty little girl like you? Who do you even think you are?” Now it wasn’t so much what he was saying, it was simply the fact of him breathing in your ear that really annoyed you. And so you turned around swiftly and punched him in the throat, simply to stop the breathing. “My name is Shelby.” *** 1919 ***

Ever since your brothers were back from France, things had changed. The name Shelby had always had an effect on people around Small Heath, but now your reputation grew with each passing week. You were no longer a small child and demanded your place at the table at family meetings. After all, Polly was right, you women did run this entire operation while the boys were away in France. You’d learned how to do business, how to handle yourself and most of all, how to handle others.  You’d inherited Tommy’s eye for business and Polly’s common sense, with just a hint of Arthur’s ruthlessness.

Tommy figured quite quickly, that if he wanted to climb and become part of the big, sometimes even legal, businesses, he had to have class. Now, he and his brothers were smart and capable, but they could never quite charm anyone into doing business with them. Their talents were limited to extortion, intimidation and bribery. This is where you came in. It’s not that you were any less working class, it was the simple fact that you were easy to look at. You hated it, but there it was. So a few months after the war had ended, you were sitting in on a business meeting. Some Irishmen were importing whiskey as well and Tommy had decided it’d be much better for the Shelby family if they would simply buy yours. “Mr. Shelby, I don’t think I quite understand…” Tommy lit a cigarette and said, “I think you understand me perfectly. On the one hand, you could continue importing your own stuff, but with the added risk of being detected by a new copper in town who appears to have taken a special interest in you Irish boys. Or, you let me take care of the risk and have the goods simply delivered to your door.” The man fiddled with a box of matches for a second, “What about appearances, Mr. Shelby. I have to consider how it looks…” “You mean to do business with a cutthroat gangster?” he asked in a low voice. Again, he seemed nervous and stumbled, “Well… yes.” “You won’t be doing business with a cutthroat gangster,” you interrupted and caught the eye of the Irishman sitting directly opposite you, “You’ll be doing business with Shelby Company Limited. We’re a real legitimate firm and you needn’t worry about appearances. If it’s of any consolation to you, I’ll come and oversee the delivery of the first batch personally.” And with that you sat back with a slightly triumphant but cocky face.

“I’ve heard stories about you Shelby’s…” the man protested weakly, “Of murder and carnage…”

“You think I’d slash throats?” you asked innocently with a small smile, “I’m a businesswoman, mister, not some gangster.”

Tommy took another drag of his cigarette and shot an amused look in your direction. He was sitting almost at the opposite side of the room. Why? Because he was smoking, as you knew he would have to during meetings like these, but didn’t want to bother you with it. “My sister is right,” Tommy cleared his throat, “she’s in charge of business. Me and my brothers are in charge of protection, however.” And with that, he got nervous again. For a few moments, it seemed like he was about to run out. But then John spoke up, “Just sign right here and all will be arranged, alright? No need to worry about anything…” Sweating a little, the man lit a cigarette and signed. And suddenly, he seemed to get angry, saying, “You Shelby’s think you can just take anything…” “We’re not takinganything,” you sighed, “you just signed a business deal, that is all.” You coughed a little, which made Arthur’s eyes shoot into your direction at once, “And would you mind not smoking in here?”

But the man smirked and took another drag on his cigarette “You’re just a pretty face, aren’t you, think you can tell me what to do?” “I can,” you tried desperately to keep your composure, but the familiar tightening feeling in your lungs made it harder and harder to, “Now take your things and get out.” “You heard her,” Arthur practically growled, “get out.” And then he leaned forward and blew smoke right into your face. Immediately you started coughing, no matter how hard you tried not making a scene. At once, John jumped up and smashed the man’s head into the table. Even with blurry vision, you could see Tommy was seething as well and at the man’s side in seconds. But Arthur was the one who had quickly picked you and carried you outside. Fresh air was a relative concept in Small Heath, but being outside did help. Mainly it was Arthur, who kept on telling you to calm down. Together you counted to five, again and again, until you felt less like drowning and more calm. “Is this why?” you eventually asked, “Is this why you never wanted me to take my medicine?”

“No,” he sighed, “I just remember seeing you for the first time, coughing and choking, and it bloody scared me. I remember thinking: what if we can’t afford the medicine at some point? And then the war came and bombs were falling and I was imagining you somewhere, and I thought: I’m glad she knows how to count to five…” You had to laugh, “I learned how to count to five quite a while ago, Arthur.” “I wasn’t always going to be there, I mean. You know what I mean…” “I know what you mean,” you smiled at him. And then your brothers exited the Garrison and crouched down next to you. “Are you alright?” John asked. “The deal’s off,” Tommy said, which was basically him voicing his concerns, which was good enough for you. “Fine,” you smiled, looking up at your oldest brother, “Arthur taught me.” *** Masterlist

[hoony-parker]

figure it out - s.h

a/n: i donn't really like how this one turned out, but i was rewatching vol. 1 and came up with this, and i had to write it before i forgot about it lol. i'm back, everyone! sorry i was absent, a friend of mine was visiting :)

warnings: spoilers por season 4 vl. 2 under the cut!!, angst, fluff and injuries. not proofread

summary: your nerves get in the way of patching your boyfriend up after the demobat attack.

w/c: 1.5k

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (established relationship)

talk steve to me

p.s.: i know my collages suck. i'm sorry :)

'i know this,' you thought to yourself. 'i know this.'

you cursed under your breath a few times. over and over, hands shaking and mind twirling.

you remember how it went. you had to. you reviewed it in last year in health care class. first, apply some pressure on the wound with a piece of desinfected cloth--

there's nothing to desinfect a piece of cloth in the upside down, dipshit. skip the step.

how could you focus? you were trapped in another dimension. you were lost in the darkness of a parallel world beneath your home, with particles of death and where the sky was red and stormy all the time, and without any weapons and with monsters.

as far as you knew, you could be trapped until you heard from dustin and he prooved otherwise. but now, your worries went further. you were in the upside down with nancy, robin, eddie and your boyfriend, who was very much missing a pound of flesh-- more or less, and partially bleeding out.

'and you want to be a doctor?' you could almost hear the voice of your subconscious loud inside of your head, overlapping all the little voices that simultaniously tried to dig into your knowledge and help you remember what the damn next step was.

it probably was far too obvious. you were a med student, for goodness sake. you've been a whole year in the university of hawkins learning how to do stitches and memorizing all the medicines and which to give and when, only for you to forget how to bandage a simple wound.

but it was different. you were sure you could perform under pressure. you had done so before, why was it so hard now? your boyfriend needed your assistance, and you were panicking and absolutely useless.

"n-nance, c-could you...?" you asked hurriedly, motioning to her shirt and the loose fabric that hung under the press of her belt. you were worried she hadn't understood for a second, and that you'd have to repeat yourself, although those simple words had for sure been difficult to get out of you.

"of course," she nodded rapidly, taking the loose part of her clothing between your fingers and, quickly and with little without difficulty, she ripped it off, handing you the piece.

with shaking fingers, you twisted it around, turning and analysing how to place it correctly to have it cover as much as possible. you could hear steve groaning from pain just a few minutes ago, action that had started your anxiety all together. now, he leaned against a rock with his head tilted back momentarily, trying to catch his breath and relaxing before straightening up, trying to meet your gaze.

you took the fabric in both of your hands from both ends, stretching it and, with one hand, you passed it from behind steve's torso, almost immediately starting to doubt the next step again.

steve frowned, mind still dizzy from the amount of blood lost and not letting him think straight, but he had still enough consciousness to recognize the quake in your voice and the way your breathing sounded heavier, more accelerated. the crown of his head was leaning still on the rock behind him, and he did the effort to try and sepparate his torso from the surface as much as he could, so your could pass the fabric without any struggle.

he tried to swallow the knot in his throat several times, the dry covering all of his mouth and the agonizing pain that came from the are you were attending making the task way more difficult than usual.

meanwhile, you could feel as the weight of your hands began to lighten and the shakiness increased, and you could almost feel as if they were slowly disappearing, turning into dust like they would in a sick horror movie.

your nerves were only making all the bandaging process longer and slower than you intended to, and the mere fact only made your anxiety grow at the thought of steve's blood uncontrollably flowing out of his wound non-stop, until his body inevitably fell limp in your arms and his breathing stopped, along with the life in his eyes.

"f-fuck. shit, fuck. i-it went like this-- no," you muttered to yourself, twisting the end of the fabric into the wrapping you already did to try and get it to stick into place, letting yet another shaky breath when you saw the lumps in the bandage telling you you had wrapped it all wrong.

you tried to adjust it again, this time pulling from one of its ends to tighten the fabric and make the job easier. it earned a groan of pain from your boyfriend, and your eyes darted to his face at the sound.

he had tilted his head forward, chin touching his chest and eyes screwed shut at the pain. you tried to meet his gaze, looking between his closed lids and waiting rather impatiently until you could see his brown, caramel eyes irises again.

"s-sorry, steve. i-i'm almost done, i swear. try and breath deeply for me, okay? c-can you do that, honey?" you apologized.

your words of comfort held more nerves than the ones steve was actually feeling.

but he took them in, nodding slightly with his eyes still closed to give you exactly what you needed to get back to patching him up.

when the pain finally began to slightly fade away, he opened his eyes and lowered his head to meet your eyes. steve was completely sure you knew what his intentions were but decided to ignore them alltogether, too preoccupied with getting the job done. from his talled position, he could see your hands rapidly and shakingly working with the fabric, and he smiled at the determination you held in the frown on your brows.

"y/n," he muttered, loud enough to catch your attention. you shook your head, taking the loose part of your own shirt and trying to clean the surrounding part of the wound a little, to prevent any possible infections. "i can't patch you up correctly, steve, i'm sorry," your voice shook almost as much as your head did, eyes still on his torso.

"i'm gonna do it again at home-- or, or drive you to the hospital so you'll get better care, i promise."

"s'gonna get infected if i do it wrong," you cried. steve couldn't even get a word out because of your interruption, and he called your name again, louder, this time. "y/n."

you stopped and looked him in the eye. "what?" you whispered tearfully. steve grabbed your hands from his torso once you had successfully tied it together, and brought them to his chest. "hey," he gave you a smile.

he could feel his heart clenching almost painfully at the sight of your unshed tears, and he tilted his head with a sympathetic smile, puppy eyes looking deep into yours in awe. you sniffled, letting out a weak, quiet laugh. "hello."

his smile widened ever so slightly. "how you holdin' up?" your boyfriend teased.

you laughed audibly now, and steve could feel the relief replacing the pain in his abdomen when you smiled. he had almost forgotten about it by now. "terribly."

with gentle hands, he cupped your face and brought it closer to his, laying a butterfly, almost non-existant kiss to your lips, puffy and pouty-- result from steve having squished your cheeks together. "you're doing amazing, sweetheart. best doctor in hawkins," he assured. you laughed again. "my hands shook more than the fucking earthquake, steve," you tried to reason.

"i'm a mess, can't even keep it together while patching up a wound," you shook your head in disappointment. "dunno how i made it through the second year of uni, honestly."

"honey," steve said. "it ain't easy to patch someone up after being attacked by monsters from another dimension. i mean, your reaction is pretty much logical, don' ya think?" he laughed, and you chuckled along.

"have you ever heard from a doctor who patched up someone who was missing half of his abdomen after being the meal of the year of some demobats from hell? 'cause i sure haven't."

you sniffled again. "i don' want you to get an infection," you frowned. "we won't be here for much longer, 'kay? we'll get outta this hell hole as fast as we can, and then we'll be off to the nearest hospital," steve assured with a firm shake of his head.

"you mean the only hospital?" you laughed. "the only hospital," he agreed with a smile and a nod. "you'll even go in with me to the operating room, if necessary and if you want to. you're a med student, after all. that's allowed, no?"

you giggled. "'m not sure tha's how it works," you used the back of your hand to clean under your nose.

steve smiled fondly, wiping away a fallen tear. "we'll figure it out," he told you, kissing your forehead and bringing you to his chest.

and you knew steve wasn't talking only about the his wound.

[illiana-mystery]

As promised, here's a snippet from Chapter 7 of Rose-Colored Glasses.

This chapter is still being written and edited, but I hope to have it out before mid-September.🤞🏾

But until then, I hope you enjoy this little sneak peek...

--

Once he parked, he shuffled to the door and rang the doorbell. Quinn quickly answered it and he looked a bit panicked and anxious. Like he was having an anxiety attack, which worried his overly concerned father.

"Oh, Dad, there you are," he scoffed. "I thought you said you were close. What took you so long?"

"Quinn," Devon sternly said behind him. "Cut your father some slack. He was probably stuck in traffic."

"Right," he moaned in defeat. "Sorry, dad. It's just...I..."

He studdered more before Terry just hugged him tight.

"I know, I know. Just take your deep breaths. Did you take your anxiety medication?"

"I just made him take it," Devon said before Quinn moved out the way to let him into their home.

"Thank you, Devon," Terry said with smile.

"You're welcome," she said before she went to Lennon's room to grab him and his bags.

"Sorry, Lennon was taking another nap," Quinn explained. "It's gonna be fun waking him..."

Lennon immediately started crying.

"Up," Quinn finished.

"Oh, don't cry, Lenny," they heard Devon coo. "You're gonna see Paw'Paw."

"Paw'Paw!" he cheered.

"That's right...oh, you want to hold your Professor Knight doll?"

Lennon made a happy noise.

"Okay, you can hold him."

"Paw'Paw!"

Devon soon came back into the room holding Lennon in one hand while holding his diaper bag and toy bag in her other hand. Quinn immediately took the bags from her so she wouldn't strain, before Lennon finally saw his grandpa.

His sweet little brown eyes lit up and a slight smile appeared on his face when he saw Terry. He also made a happy sound and was starting to reach out for him.

"Paw'Paw!" he cheered, his right arm tightly clutching onto Professor Knight's arm.

Terry chuckled and reached out for him as Devon handed him to his grandfather.

"Paw'Paw!" he screamed as he leaned in closer to his elder.

"Oh, there's my little Lenny," he teased with a slight stomach tickle. Lennon laughed and made another happy noise making Terry chuckle and kiss his forehead.

Devon was just moved by their interaction.

"Thank you for watching him for us," she said.

"Of course. He's my grandson and I love spending time with him," he insisted before he took the bags from Quinn. "Now, I'll be out of your hair. Enjoy the meal and please try to get along with my ex-wife."

"We will. Thank you, Terry."

"Wait a minute," Quinn said. "Dad, why do you smell like lavender?"

"I do?"

"Don't play dumb, Dad. Are you seeing someone?"

He froze when Quinn asked him that. He didn't even notice that he smelled like your body wash.

"No, I ran out of body wash so I had to use some of your mother's she left behind," he carefully lied. "And to answer your other question, I'm happily single."

"Happily single, my ass," Quinn scoffed. "You are seeing someone. Mom never liked lavender..."

"Quinn!" Devon barked. "That's enough. We have a dinner to get to and we're about to be late."

"What I can't ask my dad about his girlfriend?"

"I'm sorry, Terry. His medicine didn't kick in yet."

"It's alright. I'll see myself out," he said before he walked out the front door with Lennon in tow.

He left their house before they did and was speeding to return to you. But he still remembered he was on Paw'Paw duty.

So he started to play a Sesame Street CD he bought for when he had his grandson with him. He memorized every song since he heard the music a million times now.

But it didn't get old for him since he liked singing the songs to Lennon. And in turn, Lennon would always try to clap his little hands and sing along.

Terry loved when he was interactive like that, because he could always see the pure joy in his blushed cheeks. And that always warmed his heart.

--

This chapter is also gonna have some meta-humor. 😏 So I promise it'll be worth the wait. 😉

[peterrparrkerr]

Oh man, last up is Kidnapped. I have so many thoughts on this one friend, so bear with me.

In the beginning, Peter has anxiety attacks all the time, and combined with his asthma, Peter spends his days exhausted, stuck in the arms of the one who causes the attacks but also calms them. Tony expected this, and understands that this Peter isn't his Peter, so is sickly. In his spare time, he tinkers with a modified spider extremis, because he misses his spider but doesn't want to risk this Peter dying from the venom but also don't want an extremis Peter.

Eventually Peter starts to adjust. He sees the proof of the love this Tony had for the other Peter, saw how devoted they were to each other. And he starts to think, maybe it won't be so bad. He misses home, oh how he misses home, but Tony dotes on him, and is so patient and gentle even as he sees the man snap and yell at everyone else.

Peter is also fascinated with JARVIS, and the lab, and the AI Tony eventually makes him to be his friend. This Peter is younger but still a genius, and Tony has time to raise him right. He doesn't limit Peter, instead encouraging him, and this Peter takes the web formula and turns to medicine, to building, and other things to help those in need.

One day, the tower is attacked (or they're out and about) and Peter gets hurt. Tony decides he won't wait any longer and injects Peter with the gene editors. Peter feels like he's dying and burning alive and just in so much pain, and when it's finally over Tony is there soothing him. He hasn't left the boy's side through the while process, and Peter clings to him, so scarred after what had happened. He assumes the changes were from the attack and Tony doesn't correct him. The AIs are forbidden from revealing the truth.

Peter struggles to adjust to the new abilities. He's sticky and strong and heals fast, and technology reacts weird to him now though it's more like he fries it if he touches it. And Tony is there, patient and pleased that Peter will be much better suited to protecting himself.

Tony insists in the Widow and the Soldier teaching him to protect himself, and the boy really starts filling out into a man, which is when Tony starts building their relationship out to the next step.

He woos him just like he did his old Peter, showing him that yes he loved him even if he wasn't his original Peter because the essence of being Peter was the most beautiful thing he could ever have. And roll the smut reel.

This fic @snowstark

Listen this is probably one of my favorite superior fics!! I wanted Tony to be so selfish that instead of taking a Peter from another version of himself, he took one where he wasn't even a factor. He left all the Peters who never even met Tony alone because there was a chance they'd meet, and Tony wanted himself in every universe to have his own Peter.

So of course he'd know some universes, Peter was dead, and others, Tony was dead. He didn't want to deal with the hassle of taking a greiving Peter, so MCU Peter was left alone.

But then he finds a world where magic and super heros don't exist, and he finds this sweet little 17 year old Peter, who's Tony died when he'd been kidnapped during his Jereko missile demonstration.

This Peter is perfect. I imaging Tony doesn't take him right away. He sits by and watches him for a few days before he takes him. Knowing he's the only enhanced being in this universe makes it so much easier to get away with everything.

Peter in the new world is so cute too. I imagine once the anxiety has worn off the first couple weeks, Tony tries to distract him by showing him all the differences in their world.

Peters always been a sci-fi nerd and he loves all of it, and it distracts him enough for him to start getting more comfortable around the Superior.

And Tony explains how his world works -because it's his, no one else's- and Peter is so fascinated by the differences and the magic and enhancements. He doesn't even realize he hasn't asked to go home in weeks.

Then one day he asks about the Superior's Peter. Because why would someone like Tony go through all that trouble to find someone like Peter? Obviously Superior's Peter had something he doesn't. There's no way Tony was in love with him, just another version of himself. A better version.

But Tony kept a photo book. His Peter had made it (because let's be real Peter is a sweetheart and definitely takes lots of pictures) and when he died, Tony kept it.

And Peter sees it.

Plz an attack that puts Peter in danger would further solidify their growing bond I think. It happens when Peters still wanting to go home, but also learning about everything. He gets hurt and Superior fucking explodes. Cause he's already lost one Peter, he's not about to lose this one.

The serum takes and Peter definitely struggles, but it's perfect for Tony. Peter wouldn't be able to go home now. Not with how he is. His world would kill him, and they both know it.

And obviously Nat and Bucky train him on how to use his gifts and protect himself, but Tony refuses to let him become Spiderman. That was how his Peter died in the first place, and it would be stupid to allow this Peter to fall into the same trap.

This would be a slow burn definitely. Peters still young and I don't think he would've dated in his world yet. And the fact that the superior is so much older, and the new world, it all is too much for Peter to add dating into it.

But they get there, and the first time Tony fucks Peter, it's the best. Peter didn't expect it to feel that good, and Tony knows just what Peter likes. There's a lot of similarities between both Peters. They both like m&ms and hate green apple candies and there's a spot just under the head of their cocks that make them go wild when Tony drags his fingernail over it.

But there's also so many differences, and Tony loves this Peter all the more for them. He's quieter, less confident. He doesn't fight as often. Not as stubborn. He follows Tony around like a puppy and clings to him whenever he can.

There's definitely a lot of turbulence in the beginning, but now, it's perfect and Tony refuses to let this Peter die.

[moonlit-han]

stray kids’ reactions to you taking medication for depression & anxiety ↠ all members

genre: reaction word count: 2.4k warnings: discussion of depression and anxiety, description of panic/anxiety attack, swearing request: yes

a/n: hi anon! wow, this one turned highly personal really fast. so, this turned into a combination of your original request and how stray kids would react just knowing that you have depression/anxiety. i think how they’d care for and support you is a large part of their reactions to finding out, if that makes sense. i hope this brings you comfort~

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

as with most things, chan would be very understanding

he’d just want you to feel and function the best you could

and not have to worry about whether you’re going to be able to make it through a day

he’d noticed when you first started dating that you occasionally withdrew into yourself

and needed time alone

chan didn’t really think anything of it 

bc he also kinda just turns into a hermit and hides to reset and recuperate

but when you’d told him that you take meds for anxiety and depression

his sneaking suspicion that you’d been struggling with something was confirmed

it all made sense!

chan would be immediately and absolutely on board to support you

he wasn’t gonna let those nasty depression demons get the better of his y/n

no! fucking!! way!!! ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

when you could stand it, he’d be really cute and cuddly to try to make you feel better

and he’d also research everything about the meds

on the days that you just needed to be left alone, he’d be worried 

bc he wouldn’t want you to be lonely or to need him and for him to not be there immediately for you

but sometimes even just the presence of another person is exhausting

even if it’s your partner

he’d always come back with flowers or your favorite kind of pie or curry or something else delicious or beautiful

all he wants is for you to feel like you can face the world

bc he’ll always be there by your side (♡‿♡)

lee minho

minho would be matter of fact and accepting about the whole thing

he wouldn’t be fussed

and would just accept that sometimes you’d be less than cheerful

and that it has nothing to do with him or his actions

while he wouldn’t necessarily understand the ins and outs of depression and/or anxiety,

he would still be totally committed to supporting you

he’d be glad that you have meds

because it’s hard for him to see you so down and feeling so blank

he just wants you to be okay

he’ll ask if you’re okay and what he can do

sometimes he just has to ask you a few times

just to be sure

for his own peace of mind

if any family, friends, coworkers, anyone gave you shit about your depression and anxiety

minho would be the kind of person to just:

Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿) “hold my flower”and prepare to fight the world for you

alkjfhakjfdhkj

minho would always make sure that you have your meds on time

either going to pick them up from the pharmacy for you

or reminding you to get them yourself

he’d also remind you to take the meds on your especially bad days

when you can’t exactly think or do much else

while he jokes that cats are the best medicine for anything

minho knows and agrees that medication for mental illness and such is important

bc it helps you be able to function

but that doesn’t stop him from trying his best to make you feel energized and focused through other means!

you have a weekly picnic date, even after dating for two years

it’s the sweetest thing ever

and definitely helps (≧◡≦)

seo changbin

it was the first time you slept over at his place

(a really lovely evening with lots of sweet cuddling ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡  )

(((oh no now i’m soft HHHH)))

and you’d left your bag sitting out in the living room

changbin had thought it would be nice if he got your things for you in the morning

and he also wanted to make you breakfast (✿◠‿◠)

so he'd gone to pick up your bag and saw the little pill bottle

and was just “oh, okay~”

when he'd come into the bedroom, changbin looked a little nervous?

bc he wasn’t quite sure how to ask you what meds you were taking

he wasn’t really worried or anything

he just wanted to support you with absolutely no judgement because meds aren’t a bad thing~

he was so understanding and immediately, like chan, researched everything he could about helping someone with anxiety and depression

and then made you breakfast bc that’s wonderful anytime at all

on the days you felt like you couldn’t get out of bed

(or simply couldn’t whether you wanted to or not)

changbin would be there

if you could stay in bed the whole day, then he’d stay with you

if you had to get up and actually do things, he’d do his best to help you

he’d make you food, help you shower, even pick out clothes for you so that you wouldn’t have to think

he’d understand that sometimes you need a bit of a prod to do things

changbin would definitely try his best to make those reminders as caring and lighthearted as possible

after all, you don’t exactly have control over when lack of motivation strikes

changbin would understand and know a lot of the feelings you have

and be able to empathize based on his own experiences

really, he would just continue to love you ♡

hwang hyunjin

hyunjin, oh sweet hyunjin

he’d be so understanding

and would feel really sorry for you

but not in a weird, pitying way

just sad that your brain had decided to betray you in such a way

*insert all the empathy here*

he knows all too well the feelings of hopelessness you sometimes feel

he’d be glad that you have meds, actually

and would even remind you when you have therapy (if you do)

he’d probably send you random “when you have anxiety/depression” memes

you’ve busted out laughing at inopportune times more than once from said memes

when you’re in a depressive episode, hyunjin would be like a cat

just curled up with you as much as possible

if you can’t stand to have someone near you

then, he’d still text you cheesy stuff like those ridiculous valentine’s day pickup lines that are, in fact, funny at any time of the year

oh and don’t forget about the utterly sincere, will-make-you-cry texts, love letters, post-it notes, notes written in blueberries on the counter, and even signs he’d write for you

one day, you’d even opened a lunch he’d made you to find a little note rolled up around your fork:

“hi hello yes you, the pretty one reading this! i love youuuuuu~ have a wonderful day, darling

p.s. remember to take your meds <3”

hyunjin’s gentle nature would be just what you needed

to support you

to love you

to care for you, not only emotionally but also physically

he’d be like a sheltering tree for you

grounded and calm with deep roots, but able to bend with whatever wind your depression/anxiety decided to gust through your lives

han jisung

jisung would…

well, jisung would just:

“AAAAAY, ANXIETY BUDDIES!!” (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ;;;;;;

ajkdfhaljkfghaljf

definitely not the response you’d been expecting

but it was perfect nonetheless

you spent an afternoon together just talking about how your anxiety and depression manifested

what helped you to cope

what helped him to cope

which meds you took and if there was anything jisung should be particularly aware of

he’d be really interested in just how your depression and anxiety manifest

bc in order to care for you and help

he wants to know what bit of your brain chemistry has decided to fuck shit up

(sometimes jisung feels like he needs to fuck shit up, too. but really? come oooon y/n’s brain)

he’d leave you notes reminding you to do things when your ability to focus goes completely out the window

you’d wake up to find one of those large sheets of poster paper taped to the ceiling above your bed, saying:

“i love you, even if you have depression/anxiety that makes you forget to do the dishes. again. you’re still my little gremlin <3”

jisung would give you any and all resources he has to help you

he’d probably even write songs for you

there’d probably a mixtape out there somewhere of him screaming at your depression and anxiety

telling them to leave you the fuck alone

bc you’re too wonderful to have to deal with that shit

your weekends together would be spent in the bedroom

under the covers

giggling your asses off

and cuddling

bc it’s dangerous outside the blanket  ( ｀^´ )

lee felix

felix would be so chill about it

you’d tell him and he’d just be like

“okay! so what kinds of toppings did you want me to put on this pizza again?”

you’d just kinda blink at him

you’d been worrying about what he’d say

and if he’d leave you or something

(thanks, irrational brain. love you. NOT! ffs)

as if lee felix would ever leave you,,,,,,

it was a relief not to worry about that

felix would still bundle you up in the biggest hugs ever

and smile his sunshine-filled smile at you

honestly, that alone should be enough to cure depression

but, unfortunately, it’s not

((*shakes fist at depression/anxiety*))

but with felix’s smile and meds, you’re feeling much better, thank you

felix would try to make life brighter for you after finding out

he’d understand that sometimes you want to do things but just can’t

there’s no rhyme nor reason to it

and it wouldn’t matter to him

bc he’d still get to spend time with you, even if it just meant sitting on the couch watching movies

felix would know that sometimes he would just have to make decisions for you

not in a controlling way

but just because your anxiety over making decisions and following through with things would get the better of you

he’d make sure you drink water and eat lots of yummy food

his deep voice is the most calming thing oh my god

and whenever you have an anxiety/panic attack

felix would immediately catch you up in his arms and slow dance with you through the entire episode

even if you’re barely able to stand, he’d hold you up and support you

just so, at an incredibly scary time, you’d have the most loving arms around you

kim seungmin

you were having a panic attack when seungmin came over one time

and you’d just kinda slumped against the wall as soon as he’d come in the door

aaaand you’d had to explain what was going on

but seungmin had just helped you breathe deeply

and eventually you’d calmed down to the point that you felt like

well, like a limp noodle (＠_＠)

you know that feeling when your body is so exhausted from having a panic attack

that you can’t exactly do much else?

yeah. that.

so, he would be glad that you have meds for your depression/anxiety

like jisung, seungmin would want to have A Stern Conversation with your depression/anxiety

bc he’s tired of its shit ψ(｀-´ )ψ

not because he can’t deal with it or you

no

because he hates to see you in so much distress

also,,,,,,

no one should have to feel like there’s no joy left in the world, irrational thinking rules their brain, and like they’re trapped in a cycle of dysfunction, no matter how hard they try

bc sometimes just trying isn’t enough

and seungmin understands that~

sometimes you just need a little outside help

he’d come up with all sorts of things he could do for you to help ease your anxiety

he’d write down all your triggers just so he’d know what avoid

or what to tell other people to avoid alkdfjhakljdfh

bc we all know seungmin is that person (-_-;)・・・

when he found out that you have trouble deciding on food at restaurants

he’d immediately printed out the menus to all the restaurants you loved

just so you could take your time deciding at home

and not feel overwhelmed

aksjfhlskfjdh what a good bean

seungmin is just a sweetie who wants the best for you, really

plus, when you’re feeling better….

the two of you can go on adventures!! (⌒▽⌒)

yang jeongin

jeongin would be a little baffled that someone’s brain could be that cruel to them

“you mean you sometimes just can’t be happy?”

“yep, or function, really. sometimes moving or getting out of bed or eating just isn’t a thing”

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

“don’t worry about. i’m on meds for it so it’s not as bad”

(◕︵◕);;;;

“jeongin i promise it’s okay…..”

“HHHHHHHHHH”

you just ended up cuddling him and explaining how depression and anxiety worked

(or rather, how fucking annoying and, even, debilitating they are)

that made him happier bc he understood

he’d try to help you do things that help with the depression

like going for walks

or drinking enough water

definitely regulating your sleep

jeongin: “i know, i know, y/n! it’s hard but you haaaave to wake up”

y/n: “mmph” (￢_￢)

jeongin: *lightly swats you with a pillow* “get! up!!”

y/n: *grumpgrumpgrump*

nights are even harder alkjhsjkslkfjhs

jeongin, on the phone: “no you’re not being a night owl tonight. no! y/n~~~~ come on, i’m tired and wanna go to sleep”

y/n: “but i’m not tired!! i’m just gonna play one more round of this and then go to bed. i promise!”

jeongin, not having any of your shit: “uhuh….”

y/n, *sweats*: “i promiiiiiiiiise”

…………………

3 am

jeongin, via email: “this is an automated reminder to  G O  T O  S L E E P”

y/n: “shit.”

he’d want to be there to listen to you whenever you needed him

even though he doesn’t have much experience with this sort of thing

jeongin would do his best as a kind and properly aware person

like everyone else, he just wants you to be okay

[justnerdthings]

New Beginnings Ch.2

Female Reader x Liu Kang/Kung Lao (Not sure which yet)

Note: Chapter 2. Friend said last one was good. So have another. >w<

Raiden had introduced himself properly and explained Mortal Kombat to you. You were at a complete loss. You hadn’t believed any of it at first, but Raiden had made it clear that this was not a dream or trick. The man shot lightning out of his hand! You were convinced. This was real. It had to be. You weren’t creative enough to dream this up. He was a god.

You were still in shock as Liu led you through the hallways again, this time avoiding any views of the outside. You were lost in your own mind until he stopped at a door. Again, a very simple door.

“This is your room,” He told you, eyes searching you again as he opened the door and gestured for you to take a look.

The room was small and very modest. A simple bed was pushed against a wall. A small wooden table and chair was pushed against the other side. Another doorway led to a small bathroom that, thankfully, had a modern-enough sink and toilet. It would do for one night at least.

“Will you stay and fight Shang Tsung?” Liu asked gently, feeling you out. Raiden had admitted that you didn’t need to help them. Raiden would not force you. But Raiden did say it was your duty. The dragon mark on your left shoulder blade was proof.

Funny. People always did say your birthmark looked like a dragon.

But would you stay? You weren’t sure. This was so much to take in. Why you? You had no experience fighting. You once punched a bully in grade school, but that was it!

You sighed and combed your fingers through your hair. “I don’t know,” You answered. Obviously it wasn’t the answer Liu had hoped for. “I just… This is crazy.”

He nodded. “I understand,” He said, sincerity in his voice. “It’s your decision.”

You turned and looked at him standing in the doorway. “You do understand, don’t you?”

He lifted a brow curiously. “Yes. I felt similar when I was told of Mortal Kombat as well.”

“When was that?”

He thought for a moment. “A little over ten years now.”

“Ten years? You’ve been training here for ten years?”

“Here? Yes. But I grew up in a shaolin monastery. I’ve been training most of my life.”

So he was a monk. Now his behavior made sense. “Did you get taken here out of the blue too?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I defeated a child trafficker and gained his mark. I unlocked my arcana soon after. Lord Raiden found me then. I’ve been here ever since.”

��You never left? At all? Not even to visit family?”

“Oh, yes. I am free to come and go as I please. I often leave to run errands for Lord Raiden.”

“Errands?”

“Yes.”

“Like eggs and milk errands?”

He laughed and shook his head. “To find people and information mostly.”

“Oh.” You weren’t sure what to say to that.

“Does this help you decide if you will stay?”

“I think I just need some time to digest this,” You admitted.

He nodded again. “Speaking of digesting,” He spoke, “Would you like some dinner?”

Oh, god, yes, you thought. You still had no idea when the last time you ate was. A day? Two? Raiden said you were passed out for quite some time. “Yes.” You nodded. “Please.”

Liu smiled again. You liked his smile. It was genuine. Kind. Sincere. He stepped back out of the doorway, allowing you to step out of the room.

You were led into a large room filled with fur rugs and handmade cushions. A low table was placed in the center and another man was already seated and eating. He looked up as Liu led you over.

“Brother, this is Y/N,” Liu introduced you. “She has the mark,” Liu told him as he sat across from him at the table.

“Hello.” You hesitated. This guy had a different energy about him. Or maybe it was just your anxiety. He, you, and Liu were all about the same age. And he, like Liu, was attractive. He probably had a nice ass too.

You weren’t sure if you imagined it or not, but Raiden’s laugh echoed in your mind. Averting your eyes, you lowered yourself next to Liu.

“You don’t look like a fighter,” the man said with a mouth full. His eyes were looking you up and down critically.

“Don’t be rude,” Liu chided as he watched.

The man glanced to Liu as he swallowed his food, then looked back to you. “My name is Kung Lao,” He introduced. “Descendant of the Great Kung Lao.” He was proud of himself.

“Oh…” Was he a prince or something?

“You have no idea who that is, do you?” Kung Lao accused, pointing his chopsticks at you.

A small shrug tugged up your shoulders as you shook your head slowly.

Lao grinned and shook his own head as he looked to Liu. He stopped once he noticed his brother’s disapproval. “So what do you do, Y/N?” he asked as he looked back to you. The way he said your name didn’t bring you much comfort in his presence.

As you stared at him, trying to think of how to answer him, he’d bitten into an egg roll while keeping eye contact with you. “Um… Not really anything, I guess,” you said, nerves starting to get the best of you. This guy was more intimidating than Raiden was.

“Nothing?” Lao asked. “You must do something. You’re breathing right now. That’s something.”

“Lao…” Liu warned and passed you a bowl of rice.

You took the bowl with a small, awkward smile to Liu and began to make your plate. Maybe if you just didn’t look at Kung Lao, you wouldn’t feel so judged. “Well, I’ve been a nurse for the past seven years… But it’s hardly anything to talk about. I just work at a small office. Nothing ever really happens there.”

“That’s an honorable career,” Liu said as he began to eat.

“If nothing happens there, why do you stay? Seems boring,” Lao commented.

“I kinda like boring,” You admitted. “I uh… I used to have real bad anxiety as a kid. Boring is comfortable. Routine.”

“Anxiety?” Lao asked.

“Yeah. It uh… It got so bad that eventually I was scared to leave the house.”

“That’s awful,” Liu said with a frown.

You nodded. It was always hard to talk about your anxiety. But Liu seemed mindful enough to not tease you or make you feel like an idiot. “Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and went to see a doctor. They put me on medication for it. I was a new person after I got used to the meds. Felt like I could breathe again.”

“What made you so anxious that you would be afraid of leaving your house?” Lao asked, harsher in his words. What did you have to worry about compared to him.

“I don’t really know,” you admitted. “I was always teased as a kid. I was the weird kid. Didn’t have a lot of friends.”

“Childhood trauma?” Liu asked.

“Maybe?” You shrugged, not sure. You never really tried to get to the bottom of it.

“Is that where your fear of heights comes from?” Liu asked.

That one you did know. You gave a small laugh as you straightened up a bit. “No. That was me falling out of a tree as a kid.”

“Did you hurt yourself?” Liu asked.

You shook your head. “No. Just some scrapes and bumps. It just kinda stuck with me after that though. Never climbed another tree.”

“Well, at least you weren’t harmed,” Liu said as he ate.

“If you didn’t get hurt, then why were you so scared to climb another tree?” Lao asked.

“I don’t know. Guess it’s one of those weird things that happens when you’re a kid,” You told him.

“You have bigger things to worry about now, than falling from trees,” Lao pressed.

You stared at your plate of food. Lao was right. Scared of climbing trees sure did sound stupid now that you knew about Mortal Kombat. Weird, the idea of Mortal Kombat didn’t freak you out as much as climbing a tree. “Anxiety doesn’t ever really make sense,” You told Lao. “I used to be perfectly fine one minute, then crying and convinced I was about to die the next.”

“Were you being attacked?” Lao asked.

“Not by a person,” You answered.

“Animal?” Liu chimed in, curious.

You shook your head. “Anxiety.”

Lao just stared at you. It didn’t make any sense to him.

Liu was more curious than confused. “So your own mind was attacking you,” he concluded after a moment of thought.

You nodded. “Yeah.” You moved some food around your plate idly. “I know. It makes me sound crazy. But it hasn’t happened in years.”

“Because of the medicine the doctor gave you,” Liu concluded again.

“Right,” you answered.

“So, let me get this straight,” Lao began. “A nervous wreck of a person, who is scared of climbing trees, and has no formal training to fight, has the dragon mark?”

“Yeah, I’m kinda lost on that too,” you admitted.

Lao looked to Liu in disbelief. “Is Lord Raiden out of his mind?”

“I’m sure he knows something we don’t,” Lui told him.

“Mortal Kombat is only a few years away. She won’t be ready!” Lao exclaimed in annoyance.

“We’ll just have to do our best,” Liu answered and lifted some rice to his mouth.

“She’ll have to train every hour, every day, to be even remotely decent,” Lao said.

“Lord Raiden knows what’s best,” Liu said.

“Lord Raiden’s out of his damn mind!” Lao shouted.

You’d gotten used to people talking about you as if you weren’t there when you were a kid. But it hadn’t happened much since then. You set your chopsticks down. “Look, I don’t know if I ever could be ready for Mortal Kombat. I don’t know if I’ll even try. But do you really think it’s a good idea to talk that way about guy who literally shoots lightning out of his hands? And another thing, I am not a nervous wreck of a person!” You looked right at Kung Lao, clearly unamused.

Lao just looked at you, at a loss for words, for what seemed like forever. It was really only a few seconds before he looked to Liu and grinned.

Liu was already grinning, looking at his food.

With a huff, you pushed away from the table. “Sorry, Liu. I think I lost my appetite,” you said, annoyed… Doubting yourself… Still hungry, but you’d had enough of Lao.

Liu looked over with concern as you stood. He set his bowl down and stood with you. He was going to try and convince you to stay, but decided against it. “Would you like me to walk you back to your room?” He asked kindly.

You’d get lost if you didn’t have help. You nodded and turned for the door.

Lao was still grinning as he continued his meal.

Liu quickly joined you in the hallway. “Y/N,” He spoke carefully. “I apologize for Lao’s behavior. He’s not usually like that.”

You sucked in a stiff breath. You shook your head. “No. It’s okay. He’s right. I have no business being here.”

“Don’t let him scare you away. Lord Raiden believes you’re worthy. That’s enough for me. Lao will come around,” Liu said as he began to lead you down the hall.

Maybe. Maybe Raiden did know something you didn’t yet. “The monk I met when I woke up… Feng, I think. He said something about my arcana saving me.”

Liu looked at you, then nodded. “I heard about that. I don’t know the details though…”

“I don’t even remember doing anything,” You said.

After leaving you at your room, Liu returned to Lao. He sat back at the table. Looking to a still grinning Lao. He returned it.

“She has a fire in her,” Lao said.

“She does.” Liu agreed.

“I heard she passed your test,” Lao inquired.

Liu, glancing to him, sipped from his tea, then nodded. “Five times.”

Lao was surprised to hear that. He figured you’d only make it once if at all.

“It took some coaching the first couple times, but by the fourth one she was doing it on her own,” Liu explained.

“Impressive. If her anxiety is as bad as she said, she manages it well,” Lao said.

Liu nodded again. “How much of it was the medicine, I wonder.”

Lao had almost forgot. “Ah. That may be an issue.”

“Withdrawal from it may prove difficult.”

“Meditation training is first on your list,” Lao suspected. He knew how Liu thought.

Liu nodded. “How about yours. Did she pass your test?”

“I would have liked to see more, but it's a start,” Lao answered with a nod.

“You may get your wish if you keep up that act of yours,” Liu said.

“Oh, I intend to.” Lao smirked.

"Don't scare her away," Liu warned.

"She'll stay," Lao said with his mouth full. "She faced her fear five times. She's determined. And a nurse?" He nodded as he took another bite. "She commits herself to helping."

[the-knightmare]

You Stayed?

Where Rudy has an asthma attack and Louise sticks around to make sure he's okay.

Louise could still feel her heart beating a little too hard in her chest. Anxiety drove her from her seat in the waiting room, to pacing, and back again. Too restless to choose one or the other. Her dad had dropped her off at the hospital after the paramedics had taken Rudy, and now sat in a chair waiting with her as well. Rudy’s parents had spent most of the time before being allowed in arguing about how it was the other’s fault that this happened, but Louise had been too focused on how Rudy had wheezed as she tried to get his inhaler to work to snap at them.

“Belchers? You can visit now.” The nurse who had escorted Rudy’s parents to his room was back, leading them out and waiting to bring Louise and her father in.

“Are you sure it’s not too much excitement for him? So soon after a major attack like that, I think it's best that he rests for the night before we pick him up tomorrow,” Rudy’s mother flourished on the authority of having majority custody and nursing her son back to health over the years.

“Well I think that Louise should be able to visit. After all, she’s his best friend and was responsible for getting Rudy here so quickly.”

“Of course you’d say that, Sylvester, you just want to undermine me in front of everyone. I’d think Rudy’s well-being would be more important than you trying to question my judgement.”

As the bickering continued, the waiting nurse ushered her to follow. Louise slipped away with her, her dad staying behind to prevent the feuding Stieblitz’s from going after her. Should they notice, which Louise doubted.

“I hate dealing with parents like that, wouldn’t stop going at it during their visit. Anyway, here’s your friend. We gave him some medicine to reduce inflammation, so he should wake up soon. If he needs anything, press the button next to the bed, I’ll be back when it’s time to go.” The nurse had her sanitize her hands for what was the third time since she arrived, then was left alone with her sleeping friend and the smell of cleaning alcohol.

Taking a seat next to the bed, Louise looked at Rudy, pale and still on the bed. He was breathing normally now, something that made her relax much more than the reassurance from nurses that he was going to be okay. Reaching over, Louise took one of Rudy’s hands.

“Hey buddy, you scared me earlier with that attack. I thought you were faking for a second,” Louise tried to sound casual, patting his hand as if the anxiety in her stomach was still churning.

“This is one way to get any girl to go to prom with you. I bet even Chloe Barbash would say yes, but her conditioner would probably make you wheeze.” The thought of Chloe dancing with Rudy at prom sent another jolt of emotion through her. Not that she would ever say otherwise, but she had always pictured going with Rudy. And she didn’t even allow herself to admit that it wasn’t as friends.

“Heh, your mom will probably only let you go in one of those human bubbles. I could sneak you out by putting a dummy in the bubble, and then we could pull some kind of prank on the teachers as a parting gift.” The hand she was holding twitched in her grip.

“Louise? ...You stayed?” Rudy’s familiar voice wheezing her name made her jump.

“Of course I stayed! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” Rudy’s eyes were open and scanning the room. Louise answered the question before he asked,

“Your parents were in before me, they might still be arguing in the waiting room.” She knew better than to offer to get them. Rudy’s thumb brushing against her hand reminded her that she had taken it. She tried to pull her hand away, but Rudy gripped it surprisingly tight for someone who had just woken up in the hospital.

“So, you think I could get any girl to be my date to prom?” Rudy’s smile was soft, it made Louise flush.

“You could hear me this whole time?” Louise decided to ignore the question in favour of asking one of her own.

“Yeah, I pretend to be asleep to stop my parents from bothering me,” Rudy’s smile hadn’t left his face, only grown at her question.

“Devious, I like it. I always knew you were a secret evil genius.” Her hand was warm in Rudy’s, she kinda liked it.

“You never answered me about the prom question.” Louise couldn’t meet his eyes when he looked at her so softly, so she stared at their hands as she answered.

“Any girl you ask would probably go with you,” Louise could feel every gentle stroke Rudy’s thumb made across her hand.

“Hey, Louise?” She looked up at her friend, his smile a touch nervous.

“Do you want to go to prom with me?”

Louise took a moment before answering. Feeling the heat of their hands and the weird flop of her stomach.

“Only if we can still do a parting prank,” Louise could feel a small smile grow on her face that answered Rudy’s.

“Of course, we can even get the dummy in the bubble for a distraction.”

“See that’s what makes you awesome,” Louise smiled widely, feeling much better than when she had come into the hospital. Pulling her chair closer to his bed, she felt Rudy entwine their fingers to hold her hand properly.

“Does that mean you’ll also agree to a date after I get out of the hospital?” Rudy’s smile matched her own. She finally let herself acknowledge the affection she had for her best friend.

“Sure, we can get frozen yogurt with all the toppings you want.”

They spent the remaining time before Louise had to leave planning the perfect final prank to pull on their high school teachers. Rudy never let go of her hand until it was time for Louise to leave.

[demonictales]

BITTERSWEET - XUE YANG X READER

this wasn't requested but i got this idea shortly before i fell asleep so i figured I'll give it a try and see where I'll land with it. let me know what you think, aite? characters briefly featured: nie huaisang, nie mingjue, wei wuxian, lan wangji about 3k words

TW: MURDER, CHILD ABUSE, DEATH

It was a bright day in Yueyang as you walked quietly next to your father, only sweet eight years of age. You were the youngest of clan leader Chang Ci'an's children, your older brother Chang Ping, at home complaining why you were allowed to follow your father to Yueyang on this day while he had to learn swordman ship. It was your birthday, so you begged your father to let you come along and you did. Looking out of the window of the ox cart you were riding the eyes of the young child were looking left and right, dazzling items everywhere. But the toy stall was mostly what caught your attention.

"Diē diè, can I have some toys?" The angel like soft tone of your voice making your father laugh heartily. " How much more do you want today ? " He responded patting the place next to him. "Pretty please? It's my eight birthday. -- " You argued. "After I am done with my business here we'll walk the market." It was his final word and you were more than happy. Perhaps you'd even bring something for your brother. Not long after spoken words and a few hours after midday you finally enjoyed the market running from stall to stall until a sweet scent filled your nostrils. Your eyes became big when you spotted the freshly baked sweet pastries on a stall, running for it and it seemed you weren't the only one being lured by the sweetness flowing through the air of the Yueyang market. Next to you stood a boy, probably around your age, a bit taller than you and not as clean. His clothes were ripped apart and dirty, a beggar you concluded. It kind of made you sad but you couldn't do anything about it. One of the servants had caught up and you ushered him to buy you some pastries, delightfully taking a bite as you saw the boy next to you eyeing them. He could take them off of you if he'd ran fast enought but fate had different plans. You handed him some, two pastries, because you wanted too. He seemed hungry and you hated the feeling of being hungry to an extrend that made your eight year old body angry in a different way. You'd throw quite the tantrums. Perhaps that came from being to spoiled by your father. And speaking of the devil here he came, voice rough and loud. " Boy, do you want some pastries? " Ci'an asked, but you knew his tone, he wanted something in return. Your father did not even let the boy speak at all while pulling out an envelope. " If you can deliever this letter, young boy, I'll buy you the pastries. Find me afterwards." That was something nice you thought to yourself. Making him word but giving him food as payment. What your naive little mind did not know was that your father had other plans in mind and simply kept walking away from the pastries stand, leaving you to walk around on your own for a little while longer before asking you to hop onto the cart again to leave for home as it was soon dinner time. Xue Yang did gladly do as he was told for he could have some sweets and finally some food in his stomach. Yet the encounter didn't go as planned, instead he was angering the recipient of the letter and the boy had to deal with the consequences. Being dragged to the nearby liquor shop next to the stall where pastries were sold Ci'an and his daughter were long gone, leaving a young naive boy hungry outside, waiting in despair for trusting people. All the boy wanted was something to eat, so he roamed the streets until he found the man and his ox cart, a girl's head looking out of the window excitedly as she spotted the boy. "Diē diè! Diē diè!" You spoke loudly, rushing your father to stop the cart as the boy was running behind. " The boy has returned. You have to buy him pastries now." Though, as naive as you were you saw another side of your father that day, changing moods from being so generous to annoyed and angry. You had never seen him like that. And he did not stop the cart, not until the boy ran in front of it, halting it on his own terms. The scene played in front of your innocent eyes, making you cry. This was not how you knew your father to be, not in your eyes. The sound of the whip beating flesh making you fall back onto the ground of the cart, begging your dad to stop as it scarred you. Crying like a coward, just like the display of your father made your anxiety well up. For far you enjoyed your day, your birthday. Getting more toys, even finding something for A-Ping, your older brother and even sharing pastries with the boy outside just to see it all turn into a small nightmare during day. The sudden movement of the cart made you fall back again onto the ground until you heard a scream from underneath. It was not something you wanted to ever hear again. But the yells from people

around reminded you of what your father had just done. 'How cowardly to hurt a child. ' ' He really has no shame. ' 'Chang Ca'in you bastard.' 'Stop involving others in your quarrels. ' Peaking outside, you only saw a small group of homeless people gather around the boy who's name you never learned. Lying on the ground bleeding in pain and agony, holding his hand while crying. If you could only help him as you rode further away from the scene, back home. The past few days did not change a lot, you practically begged your older brother or any servant to take you to YueYang to find the boy and eventually one servant gave in. It took you a lot of convincing but you tried your best to find the boy. You had packed a small bag with bread and cheese and fruit. It wasn't a lot but it should be enough for a day or two. You even stole money from your father, hopefully it was enough to let a doctor help him. Ever since that day you saw your father in different eyes and learnt quickly he wasn't as great as you thought he was. You were only eight but you grew up faster than you wanted it to be true. You had spent all morning trying to find the boy until noon, you asked any beggar on the street, any stall owner, anyone you could probably think of and find until you found him dozing near the liquor shop next to the pastries. Their sweet scent filing the air around you once more. Carefully you approached the young boy, afraid you might scare him. He looked peaceful lying there and you did not want to wake him up. He sure had to be in pain. As quietly as you could you put down the small bag with food next to him, along the way you even bought a small bottle he could fill up with water. You wanted to apologize for your father's actions but you did not want to disturb him so you whispered something while being crouched down next to him. "I'm really sorry, little brother. Please eat well and get treatment or medicine. I wish it would not have happened.. Hopefully, you can accept my sincere apology." Little did you know he was listening as your eyes scanned his hand, you could not imagine the pain he had gone through, but there wasn't much more that you could do. You knew you were in trouble if your father found out you apologized to a beggar, especially to someone he caused harm to. Yet no one but Xue Yang knew that the two of you would meet soon again.

THIRTEEN YEARS LATER

You had soon learned to leave your home as fights with your father became bigger and more unbearable. You were ashamed to be a part of his cowardly behaviour and did not tolerate it. So eventually when you turned eighteen, you left the manor and roamed the cultivation world, working on yourself, getting to know yourself and making aquaintances. One of your aquaintances was Nie Huaisang. He was a refreshing young man you'd enjoy drinking with, leading you to meet Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and even the most famous Lan Wangji along your journey. Nie Huaisang had become a good friend of yours, eventually you were a welcome guest at Qinghe. It was rare but welcomed, you saw him as family, a brother you enjoyed spending time with. Even now, you resided at Qinghe having Nie Mingjue talking sense into you for going back home on your mother's birthday and visiting her. Your father's reputation had spread wide and far over the years, making you embarrassed to even carry the last name of Chang but here you were, bowing to the clan leader and biding your farewell. Qinghe might never be your home nor would the Nie Clan ever be your family, but at least you had a place to stay and you were more than thankful of it. Many times had you spoken to Mingjue and expressed your thanks and all you could do was to repay his hospitality with loyalty. Hard to earn but easy to give and be accepted. Leaving at dawn it took you about two days to arrive at Yueyang. At the gates of a place you called home, though the atmosphere around it did make you shiver as you tigthly held onto your sword. Something seemed terribly off and it was a feeling you hadn't felt in years, nothing except one thing could compare to it. The hair on the back of your neck stood up, as you slowly approached the gates of what was once your home. Unbeknownst to you, someone was watching rather excitedly from the rooftop, ready to attack at any given moment. The quietness drove you mad as you kicked the door open, being greeted by hanging corpses yet the scenery of mass murder unfolded behind them. There was you clan, wiped out from existence. Elders, children, servants and anyone you once knew, lying in their own poodles of crimson colored blood. What happend? Who did this? Where was your brother? Where was your mother and your father? All security forgotten you run forward, looking for your parents. " Mother! --- Mother! " Unwillingly your vision became blurry as you stumbled through the corpses of what once belonged to your name. The stinging smell of death making it hard to breath. How many days were they laying there for already? A loud dull thud was heard as you fell to your knees, tears running silently down your pale cheeks as you cradled your mother's cold body to your chest, sobbing without content. Oh how he enjoyed the drama unfold in front of his eyes, better than any theater you could see at the market. Though even he did not let one person live, something about her seemed familiar. He could not pin point it, all he wanted was the revenge for what this man had done to his hand. It was worth the massacre and the now free show as he landed quietly a few feet behind her. She must've been the last remaining person of this god forsaken clan and his last victim to get full revenge. "I should never have let home in the first place. I'm so sorry, mother. I'm so sorry.." Your words were swallowed by your mothers dark hair. You would mourn her for a long time, she was a gentle lady. A few feet away you saw you father, nothing but anger welled up in you as you placed your mother down onto the cold ground, your robes stained by her blood. You had never felt this much rage or anger inside of you as you grabbed your sword, ready to hit whatever flew into your way. Standing above him, you could not hold one piece of respect for him. It was his fault again, for you to feel so painfully lost once more. " What kind of father are you? --- You cannot even protect your own wife. " Broken words had left your lips. " All because you were so cowardly, playing bigger than what

you could pay for. " Quietly those words left your lips, " Now we are no more. There is no more Chang clan, all because of your greed. " Out of nowhere someone started clapping, as if he waited for just the right moment. Faster than lightling you pulled out your sword, facing the young man in front of you, close to where you kneeled moments ago next to your mother's body. "What a tragedy! But brilliantly spoken. ----- It was indeed his fault. " Xue Yang crossed his arms behind his back as he came closer, step by step. " It seems I have not yet fully killed every single member of this clan. --- Who might you be? " He smiled mischieviously at you, but you answered either way. " Chang Y/N. -- Only daughter of clan leader Chang Ci'an. --- " "Today must be my lucky day then. I will for once and all end all of the clan members life. -- " Xue Yang dashed forward, a devilish smile as both of you fought amidst the chaos created by him. Usually something like that would excite you, you could flaunt your skills thought it was a different matter as you landed on the roof, holding him away from you. "What have we done to deserve being slaughtered?" You questioned him, not even bothering asking for his name in return. All you knew was that he had to die today, for the sake of your clan and that they may rest in peace. "Fine with me. " He grinned. as he held up his hand, turning it to look at it at every angle. Silently you watched as he turned around, voice raising. " Once upon a time there was a child, all he wanted was some food. ----- He met a men on the marked here in Yueyang, saying that if he'd delivered a letter, he'd buy him the pastries. As young and naive as the child was, he did so, the only thing on his mind was the food he would get. " The story seemed awfully familiar to you as you remembered the day, your eight birthday. "Though, he did as he was told, Chang Ci'an left without ever paying his debt to the boy. Instead the boy was beaten up, kicked out of the liqour shop and left hungry on the street. Dumb as he was, he confronted the man just ----" "--- just to get whipped and his hand crushed by an ox cart. " You finished his sentence as Xue Yang whipped around in curiousity, wondering how you knew. "You're the boy I met back then. The boy my father hurt. ------ " It was a moment of carelessness from your side, letting your guard down bit by bit. A change of attitute in your behaviour. " I came looking for you, to apologize. I left food and drink and even money to get yourself treatment. " Xue Yang's head was slightly tilted, oh he did remember, but that did not still his urge to have the clan burned down to ashes for what they did to him. She had shown him care indeed, but that was long forgotten he had no mercy, not the elders or children, not even you. "Why? --- Why di------" The sound of metal falling on the bricks of the roof filled the early evening. You had lost the grib on your sword when you looked down, the blade that pierced your back turned red with your blood dripping down, stopping you mid sentence. He had taken advantag of you being distracted, but could you blame him? No, you couldn't. Falling forward onto your knees, you started coughing up blood until you were kicked down, landing onto the stairs of the entrance, feeling the hit of the stone underneath you in your bones, shattering you into pieces from the pain you felt. Turning onto your back in pain, you saw him looking down at you. A huff left your lips, coughing again, quietly choking on the blood that filled your lungs. " What--- what is your--- name?" Words came out in pieces, all you could do was lay there, barely able to move as your own blood colored your robes in dark wet liquid that was warm. "Xue Yang!" "I'm sorry, little brother Xue Yang.." Your words were barely above a whisper as your head fell aside, your vision becoming darker by the second, all you remember was a young boy you once handed two pastries too because he seemed hungry. What you did not see was the smile that had left Xue Yang's features, the agony that

he enjoyed before hearing your words, the same words but with his name, the same words you'd spoken as you thought he was sleeping. In the end, you had the last word, not him. And your friend had to witness you and your clan being whipped out of existence, reporting to his brother that you had passed away at home being murdered.

For Xue Yang hearing those words being spoken lastly, it was everlasting terror.

[free-falling-grenade]

Promt: raya sees namaari sparring/having fun with her closest friend from fang (which is a girl her age) and gets jealous and competes with said friend for namaari's attention, even though namaari and her friend have no idea what's happening.

With @killjo-qartz permission, I borrowed her OC, Somwang for a cameo in this fic! Hope I got her characterization kind of right & didn't butcher her. (I'll take it down if you don't like it) Can read in ao3 or keep reading down here 🤙🏽: Anger wasn’t new to Raya. She had lived through it within the six years of being alone. Used it as fuel to get through her encounters with bandits and mercenaries alike, to leave them begging for mercy. Used it to push through every obstacle in her way to prove each of these damned binturis wrong in this cruel, broken world. Anger was comfort as misery was company, that flowed like blood in her veins, reminding her that if she couldn’t use hope to live, then at least she had rage to build her up. If she couldn’t feel anything else, then why not let anger take control. However, as comfortable negative emotions could be, its goal was to bring anyone down.

However, as comfortable negative emotions could be, its goal was to bring anyone down. The princess of Heart stood warily outside the training grounds, her patience ran out while waiting for Namaari to finish her princess duties. They hadn’t seen each other for a while. Her own duties at Heart taking over most of her schedule, it was utterly grueling and overwhelming. When her Ba gave her the window of opportunity to take a break, she did not hesitate to flee and visit Fang, since in all honesty, she didn’t have close enough friends in Heart. Sisu was busy with her siblings, and she really didn’t know if she wanted to see the rest of the crew who were probably busy with their own families. Plus, if she was being honest to herself, she just really wanted to see the Fang princess. Her feelings had become clear, the burst of realization came upon her during a council gathering as she was lost in admiring the Fang princess instead of paying attention to the monotonous negotiations and arguments that was going on across the meeting hall. Everything becoming muted as she watched how Namaari seemingly managed to quiet down the Chiefs with her compelling and confident voice, her point somehow settling the previous argument they were having. But it wasn’t exactly that that made the Heart princess realize, no. It was the look right after they had move onto another topic of discussion, Namaari had turned to catch her gaze, her eyes speaking volumes of the actual anxiety it held after her speech. But her features instantly softened as she sent Raya the warmest smile Kumandra could offer, her body relaxing from her stiff posture as the Heart princess returned the smile as equally loving. The Fang princess somehow beamed brighter. Raya knew right there and then that she wanted to have that woman. To jump over the table and kiss that smile on her face, if it would taste like how it felt when she saw it. After that day, her emotions had been all over the place. Her heart had yearned for the other princess’ presence like a thirsty traveler to water. She needed her, she was unsure how healthy that need was. Hence why she stood outside Fang’s training grounds hoping to get some of her frustrations out of the way. However, at her arrival, she found that it only seemed to tremendously increase. She leaned by the entry way, her arms crossed as she eyed the two occupants suspiciously. Their laughs had echoed through the hall, the sound distasteful to her ears, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She glanced at the taller and even more defined warrior of the two, one she didn’t expect anyone else to have a well physique like the Fang princess, but she stood there towering over Namaari, looking closely as sturdy as a Spine guard, a bright grin on her face as she charged at the princess lifting her up from her torso and throwing her over shoulder. The laugh that had come out of the Fang princess Raya had only heard when they were together. Her heart painfully clenched inside her, her stomach churning unpleasantly and the corner of her lips falling downwards. “Put me down, Somwang!” Namaari complained, but there was an obvious lightness in her voice. The sturdy warrior, Somwang, listened to the order and gently placed the princess down on her feet. Her arm remained around her waist, the furrow on Raya’s brows just deepened, her grip on her bicep tightening. She remained still, quietly scrutinizing every move Somwang made as she made Namaari carelessly laugh and grin freely unlike her personality towards her other guards which usually came off as polite and civil. The Heart princess remembered something her Ba used to tell her before her bedtime at a younger age, when she had used to complain about others having their own mothers, how she would throw bitter angry words at them, words she shouldn’t even know. Or when she overheard about some Tail people purposely attacking their trade ships to steal their produce and goods that was for their people. Or Fang, their worst enemy refusing to share their medicine expertise to

their land causing a great amount of people to die. Or simply when her Ba decided to court some older lady and spent more time with her instead. She asked her Ba why she felt so angry when other people were happy, when other people had it better, or when the people she cared about felt happier even when she wasn’t there. He would say, “Dewdrop. Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others – it only changes yours. It is never wise to seek or wish for another’s misfortune because everyone deserves to be happy. Jealousy is just drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So don’t let it take over you, okay?” However, Raya couldn’t help the way her anger was bubbling over her. She shouldn’t be jealous because Namaari wasn’t hers to claim. She wasn’t even an object to claim, and she had every right to be happy with anyone else. She was allowed to have friends, she did have that chance, compared to her who didn’t. But why was it that her heart twisted when she thought she was the only one blessed to see that smile on the Fang princess’ face, or how she thought she was the only one capable to let her relax and laugh the way she did. She didn’t know Namaari let other people touch her further than a handshake.

The lump in her throat grew as she watched them longer. Her jaw clenched and her teeth gritted harshly. She felt the familiar anger flowing through her veins, reminding her what she had used as fuel to get rid of any obstacle out of her way. She felt things too deeply, it was how she had always been, to feel each and every bit of it so she could use it as energy to punch her way out. Her body was buzzing with the need to hurt, her blunt nails digging through her palms with force willing herself to ride the anger out. She took in a sharp breath, her fist clenching with the inhale and unclenching as she exhales. She willed herself to turn around from the sight but just as she was about to walk away, a voice pulled her back. “Raya! You’re here.” Namaari’s voice contained a hint of excitement. The Heart princess immediately swallowed the bile in her throat, letting out a smile that only came naturally because of the other princess’ beaming expression, otherwise she didn’t know how to explain the grimace that would’ve come out instead as her eyes spared a glance at the tall figure beside the warrior. Raya felt the other girl’s penetrating gaze piercing through her, but she kept her attention at Namaari as she slowly approached them. “Hey, dep la” She purposely spoke out enchantingly, or at least she hoped so.

Her flirting skills lacked incredibly so, and she was way too embarrassed to admit that to anyone. Although, Sisu had called her out on it during the times she tried to woo the Fang princess, but it never got through. The way Namaari’s smile grew told her enough it worked. She pushed back the urge to bite her lip and pull her close. “Are you up for a spar?” Namaari offered, her cat like grin challenging her. Raya would usually say yes but her gaze shifted to the sturdy woman beside her, “Actually, I saw you guys sparring earlier. I want to challenge your friend into a spar instead” Somwang narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the Heart princess, sensing the slight tenacity in her words. Her polite smile slightly wavering as their gazes turned heated. “Actually, she’s my—" “I accept your challenge, Princess Raya.” The taller warrior spoke up, cutting off Namaari entirely. Her attention was now too fixated on the Heart princess. The Fang warrior stepped closer, raising a hand out for Raya to shake, “I’m Somwang, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you” The princess sensed the sarcasm in her voice, her lips tugging into a mirthless grin. “Likewise,” Even if I wasn’t told of your existence. She wanted to say but bit her tongue. She raised her own hand to shake the warrior’s, her grip purposely hardening. She was fully aware the other woman was twice her size, but she was taught not to let her enemies physique dull her chances on winning. Her fighting style specifically aimed towards people who were bigger than her. Somwang returned the firm grip, her own shit-eating grin on her face, “Hand-to-hand or would you prefer weapons?” She asked as she scanned her petite body full of judgment. The condescending tone struck a nerve on the Heart princess, her eye twitching as she held her stare looking up the warrior, “Hand-to-hand is perfectlyfine” She exclaimed sarcastically. She might regret this later, but she wasn’t about to let brawn and no brains binturi get to her. Namaari stood there, her face scrunching up at the sudden tension in the room. She was beyond confused but she guessed it was just both of the people’s traits of being competitive. She shrugged it off stepping back to let them do their thing. Raya finally let go of the warrior’s hand, her skin buzzing from the touch. She felt the anger boiling in her veins, her heartbeat increasing rapidly at the rush of adrenaline that surged through her skin. She hadn’t faced a big challenge like this in a long time. She was glad for the further training from Namaari herself and her Ba. She had been doing a lot to improve her hand-to-hand, the meat in her bones also had returned from the proper nutrition she was now receiving compared to the six years alone. Her mind flashing through the match against Namaari in Spine. Her body lacking the nourishment was a huge disadvantage at her strength, she may be good at weaving her sword, but she wasn’t that great with the strength needed in hand combat. She strived to be better from then on.

She stretched her limbs as she watched the Fang warrior step back a few steps, she cracked her knuckles then proceeded to a fighting stance. “You both know the rules” Namaari reminded. The Heart princess seemingly had forgotten that she was there and why exactly she was doing this, the excitement was coursing through her veins. She got into her fight stance nodding, her eyes narrowing mischievously at the sturdy woman in front of her who matched the same fiery in her gaze. As the Fang princess signaled the start, Raya didn’t hesitate to charge first. Her legs had been impatient throughout the day, aching to be moved. She raised her fist feigning a swing, the Fang warrior instinctively moving to block it, but Raya grinned as she used her speed to slide in between the other woman’s spread legs. She quickly scrambled up and used the distraction to kick her in the back forcefully causing her to stumble frontwards on her knees. “Oops. Sorry, khun Bulky.” She taunted jokingly eliciting a slight snicker from the Fang princess on the sidelines. Raya charged once again ready to kick but Somwang rolled on the floor catching her foot on time. She locked her grip on her ankle tripping her in the process then pulled her towards her fist as she swung to punch. The Heart princess blocked it in time, but the impact of the strike caused her to inwardly flinch. She managed to use her other foot to kick the warrior’s face, freeing her ankle as she scooted backwards to stand. Somwang stood along with her charging with a series of well calculated punches that she dodged swiftly. She acknowledged the force behind her jabs, each blow she blocked leaving a pleasantly painful feeling around her arms. But the slow speed in which it came she used to her advantage to slip her own fast blows on her midsection. “You are annoyingly fast” Raya heard the Fang warrior grumble under her breath. A cocky grin made its way to her lips, she was about to spurt out another retort, but the short distraction was enough for her to feel a terribly harsh blow on her cheek that was definitely going to leave a mark. She temporarily saw white spots clouding her vision, but quickly blinked them off as she backflipped away from the next punch. She ran her tongue inside of her cheek, tasting the copper in her mouth. She grinned in delight at the burning sensation, “And you’re annoyingly tough.” The Heart princess charged once again, she used the other warrior’s towering height to her advantage as she stepped on her thighs using it to boost herself up letting the tip of her boot kick her under her chin with much force. She flipped back over quickly before spinning around throwing a roundhouse kick on the side of the warrior’s cheek. The tall woman stumbled to the side clumsily, the impact momentarily pausing her movements. The satisfaction buzzed through Raya’s body, giving her time to get her bearings. Usually, she would have ended the fight, but she was having too much fun. Long gone was the anger that fueled her, instead replaced with a questionable excitement. “Don’t tell me your body is just for show. I didn’t know the princess of Fang associates herself with walking tree trunks” The familiar eccentric laugh she heard behind her caused the hairs in her body to stand, the goosebumps on her skin spreading happily. She watched the sturdy warrior in front of her chuckle lightly as she wiped the dripping blood of her cut lip. She didn’t reply, instead charging at Raya with newly found strength, her punches landing ruthlessly this time, the princess’ blocks slightly wavering. She used her fatigue against her as she pushed her elbows away and jabbed her right on the abdomen. The Heart princess huffed in irritation, her chest heaving after the strong blow on her stomach, stumbling backwards. The warrior kept going, striking and kicking her vigorously as she hastily flipped, spun, and dodged her strikes. How persistent. Raya thought to herself. She inwardly sighed, deciding it was time to end the match. She backflipped away once

more, making sure there’s enough distance to do her final trick she had learned from the princess of Fang herself. “You are one slippery and bouncy binturi, Princess gremlin.” The genuine smirk on Somwang’s lips caught her off guard. Raya narrowed her eyes but let an honest smile tug on her lips, “You’re not so bad yourself, khun giant” She dashed to her, raising her arms to feign more punches. Luckily to her prediction, Somwang steeled herself, ready to block, and possibly to grab her ankle again if she used it to kick. The Heart princess just scoffed, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. She used her momentum to boost herself up into a jump, tangling her thighs around the Fang warrior’s neck before bringing her pelvis forward, her hands coming up to the floor using all her body strength to flip her tall, heavy figure over. Somwang landed with a loud thud and skidded behind her, her back arching in pain, her chest heaving as she stayed motionless on the floor. Raya walked over the fallen warrior, locking her arms in between both of her feet before crouching down, a victorious smirk on her lips. Somwang blinked blankly at the princess above her, her face flushed at the sudden proximity. “You’re pretty—" The Fang warrior started but was cut off. “—pretty good. You’re not wrong”

The warrior scoffed grinning, “That too but I mean, you are pretty.” Raya raised a brow curiously, taken aback at the sudden compliment, “Maari, I get it now” The warrior called out, twisting her head to face the Fang princess on the sidelines. Namaari’s eyes widened at what the other girl was insinuating but before she could say something, the Heart princess met her gaze, the words refused to leave her mouth then. Raya just slyly smiled before standing up and offering a hand to the Fang warrior under her. She gladly took it dusting herself off as she stretched her now pained limbs. “You are no joke, Princess.” Somwang commended, this time her look held no tenacious intent. Raya suddenly felt guilty for the previous ill thoughts she had against the warrior. She shrugged shyly, an apologetic look crossing her face, “Sorry for beating you up.” The sturdy woman raised a hand to wave her off, “No lasting damage. Plus, I think that was probably a perfect way to go.” The corner of her lips forming a smirk as she winked at the Heart princess. Raya blinked in surprise, her cheeks slightly coloring pink. Namaari, who finally joined them, grimaced at the comment, playfully shoving Somwang away, “Okay, match over” The Fang princess stepped closer to Raya reaching for now bruised hands and arms, “I’m sorry about my cousin. We should probably get your bruises treated” She spoke softly. The Heart princess flushed as she felt Namaari’s hands reach up to her cheek where Somwang had punched her forcefully, her thumb caressing the tender spot. She felt her heart doing somersaults as she instinctively leaned to the touch. She let out a tired sigh until the other princess’ words just processed in her brain. “Wait, she’s your cousin?” She blurted out before she could even think about it. Namaari quirked an eyebrow but nodded, her hand falling back down. Raya instantly missed the feeling. Somwang popped up from behind the Fang princess, a goofy grin on her face as she wrapped an arm around Namaari’s neck pulling her into a deadlock and ruffling the top of her neatly combed hair. “Yep. This kid is my cousin. I can’t believe we’re related sometimes because of how uptight she is.” The tall warrior stated as she casually smiles back at Raya while not even struggling at Namaari’s attempt to pull free from her grip. The Heart princess gaped in bewilderment. She felt the dread and guilt swimming through her body as she recalled her foolish actions for even thinking poorly about the other woman in the first place. She let out a huff of relief and shame, running a hand over her face. The Fang princess managed to jab her cousin hard enough in the stomach causing her to let go, she pushed her away fixing her shirt and adjusting her hair back in place as properly as she could. She turned to Raya, her forehead creased in concern, carefully grabbing her hand to gain her attention, “I was going to tell you, but Somwang here cut me off earlier and you guys were too focused on the spar to listen.” She tried to explain. Raya felt her squeeze her hand to emphasize, she offered back an understanding look. Somwang frowned wrapping her arms around her stomach, “That hurt you know. Your girlfriend already beat me up pretty damn well. Also, I can never turn down a challenge. She was more of a challenge then you are when we spar” She purposely jested, her vexing grin causing Namaari to twist her head and scowl at her, heat rushing to her cheeks. Before the Fang princess could comment and correct her, she felt Raya interlock their fingers, “She’s right, dep la. You’re losing your touch. I think that spar was the most fun I had in a while.” The Heart princess ignored the way her heart fluttered at the word girlfriend, a hopeful part of her mind celebrating the possibility that other people saw them that way even if it weren’t true. Namaari threw a betrayed look at her, she didn’t know how to feel about both of her favorite people ganging up on her. The sturdy warrior forcefully clapped Raya’s back causing her to stumble a

little, the blow leaving a stinging feeling behind her, “I think I don’t mind you as much now. You’re fun, Princess” Somwang complimented, cheerfully grinning. “I don’t know what Namaari told you about me, but I can assure you, they’re only partly true.” Somwang lets out a good-natured belly laugh, the Fang princess grimacing as she glanced between the two, “I can beat you both up if I wanted to” It was a weak retort, they all knew it, but she wasn’t about to let them team up. “You wouldn’t stand a chance, Náwng.”

The Fang princess simply rolled her eyes. She gripped back Raya’s hand tightly, before turning away and dragging her out, leaving Somwang’s protests behind them in the air. The Heart princess flushed at the warmth that spread through her body at the touch, the doubt in her mind slowly fading at the possibility of Namaari returning her feelings. Maybe she was wrong, energy wasted on jealousy. The Fang princess didn’t hold anyone else’s hand the way she held hers. A part of her couldn’t help but be thrilled at that revelation. They finally slowed down once they were far enough from the training grounds, Namaari’s hold on her hand still solid. She smiled quietly to herself, enjoying the comfortable silence as they strolled past the garden. “Sorry if I took too long. I know I said I’ll meet up with you, but I got pulled back by Somwang forcing me to spar with her for a while.” Namaari bashfully explained. Raya shrugged, “That’s okay. I happen to stumble by you anyway.” “You sure you weren’t just looking for me, dep la?” The Heart princess playfully shoved her, “You wish. I was itching for a spar. Good thing you guys were already there.” Namaari hummed, a knowing smirk on her lips, “Speaking of, since when did you learn to copy my move?” She asked recalling the last trick Raya had pulled against Somwang.

She was surprised she even managed to flip the sturdy half Spine woman over. Her strength left her wondering what else she could do with it, Somwang’s comment about it being the perfect way to go echoing in her head. “Why? Want me to try it out on you?” Raya raised a teasing brow twisting her head to look at the Fang princess who was fighting back the blush on her cheeks. She knew she failed when the other princess’ smirk just widened. Namaari cleared her throat an idea popping in her head, “I mean it’s only fair. I wouldn’t mind you returning the favor” She managed to quip back almost hesitating at the stimulating thought. However, she grinned victoriously at the widening eyes of the princess. The highly suggestive tone in her voice caused Raya’s heart rate to spike up, sinful actions flashing through her head. She licked her lips unconsciously, her teeth grazing the bottom as she imagined the feeling of her face between – Raya caught herself immediately, shaking away her thoughts as she swallowed to dampen her drying throat. She turned away from the Fang princess, her gaze focused on path in front of them but her mind reeling back to the way her hands felt under her fingers and how it would feel to explore further parts of her body like how she explored the whole of Kumandra.

She really needed to find a way to confess first, asap. -x- Oops, that's a long one. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♀️ Anyway. Hope you liked it, anon!

[alwaysmychoices]

Retirement Talks

Synopsis: Charlie decides to return to Edenbrook to meet Kyra for lunch, but little did she know that a scandal has rocked the hospital. During lunch, secrets on all sides are revealed - some of which make Charlie question if she should leave medicine altogether. 

Chapter 25 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 5.8k

Rating: Teen 

Also available on AO3 & Wattpad (link in Masterlist)

Charlie was back in Edenbrook.

Not by her own desire, of course.

It was her therapist’s idea. She thought visiting Edenbrook would help Charlie so she could see it without the looming threat of a bioterrorist attack or meeting Ethan’s estranged mother. Her therapist hoped that it would ease Charlie’s anxiety and show her that Edenbrook really was just a building at the end of the day.

Not some evil place full of death and destruction. Even if it housed her most painful memories, those were just memories. She couldn’t fault the building itself.

She needed to stop fearing Edenbrook. If she didn’t, she could never return to Edenbrook.

Those were easy things to say – very appealing in its rationality.

But if it was just a building, it was a building haunted. The halls were lined with ghosts of memories long gone, seemingly forgotten by all but Charlie. All the hope and innocence she saw on her first day was replaced with stinging bitterness. She was afraid of what Edenbrook would take from her next.

She didn’t want to be here.

She probably would have left if she hadn’t made lunch plans with Kyra – who, of course, was late.

It had already been fifteen minutes since they’d initially planned to meet, and Charlie saw no sign of Kyra showing up any time soon. Charlie initially waited in the lobby, but after a text from Kyra that said she was stuck in an emergency staff meeting, Charlie moved to Kyra’s office to wait in privacy.

It was easier to wait there. Charlie had very few memories in the administrative wing of the hospital – even fewer negative ones. There were also fewer onlookers in Kyra’s office, and Charlie didn’t want to be stared at. Besides, Kyra kept snacks in her desk, and Charlie was starving.

This wasn’t the first time Charlie had stolen from Kyra’s snack drawer, so when she walked in, she knew exactly where it was.  A few months ago, lunches like these were regular occurrences. Then secrets – primarily Charlie’s relationship with Ethan – started to separate her from her friends, little by little. Most of her spare time was taken from her friends and immediately dedicated to the intoxicating and less than honorable pursuit of falling in love with Ethan Ramsey.

Charlie had been lying for a very long time.

Two months of her relationship – almost three. Even longer if she counted the build-up.

Her friends allowed it. She wasn’t sure why, but as she stole a Twizzler from Kyra’s desk, she had the distinct feeling that she didn’t deserve it.

Just before Charlie could lose herself in the depths of guilt and a dizzying inner monologue, her companion finally appeared.

20 minutes late, not that Charlie or her grumbling stomach were counting.

“Twizzlers, thank God,” Kyra skipped the pleasantries, instead making a beeline for her friend and the snacks in her hands. Kyra took a handful from the snack drawer and waited until she’d chewed through at least one before turning to Charlie.

Kyra looked amazing.

Particularly for being on death’s door only a month earlier.

Charlie wished she had been there for more of the recovery. After finding out Kyra survived the surgery, they had an emotional moment, and they frequented each other’s room in the hospital. But after the memorial service, Charlie and Ethan left town, and Charlie struggled once she returned to Boston.

During that time, Charlie visited Raf and Kyra. Sometimes, seeing them was the only time she left her apartment. But Kyra was the strongest of all of them – to no one’s particular surprise. Kyra returned to work within only a few weeks, and with Raf and Kyra still on leave, they primarily heard from her via text or rambling phone calls where Kyra shared hospital gossip they didn’t understand.

Looking at Kyra and Charlie, you could tell that one of them almost died, but you’d think it was Charlie, not Kyra. Kyra was stylish and trendy with high heels, a freshly shaved head, and a new series of gold ear piercings to celebrate her successful surgery. She oozed effortless coolness and accentuated it with a devilish smile everyone adored.

Charlie, on the other hand, hadn’t bounced back so smoothly. She’d dressed for the snow by picking up a pair of jeans she hadn’t washed in over a week, and coupled with her anxious expression, her style that usually read as classic and laidback seemed boring and stiff.

Or at least that was what Charlie felt like in comparison.

“Everything okay?” Charlie asked, claiming another Twizzler for herself as she settled comfortably on the edge of Kyra’s desk.

“Just the hospital freaking out,” Kyra grumbled, digging through her snack drawer for something else. She didn’t seem satisfied with any of her options, so she settled on a pack of fruit gummies from the bottom of the drawer.

“About what?” Charlie’s interest was piqued, though she tried to keep her tone casual. After staying home for so long, she couldn’t help but be intrigued.

“Another crisis,” Kyra evaded her, “Which isn’t helping the dire financial straits the hospital was already in.”

“Oh… Are you sure you can still get lunch today?”

“Are you kidding!” Kyra’s eyes widened as if horrified by the idea of a cancellation, “After all that, I need lunch. Let’s get out of the hospital and actually go somewhere good.”

Kyra wanted to get Charlie out of the hospital. Something about her eagerness to do made Charlie suspicious but not enough so that she would push it further. She was so eager to leave – despite her therapist’s suggestions – that she quickly accepted the proposal.

“Sounds perfect,” Charlie agreed.

After only a few moments of discussion, they decided to go to a restaurant within walking distance. Despite its close proximity, it was unpopular with Edenbrook workers because it was notorious for slow service, a recipe for disaster for short lunch breaks. Charlie, who had nowhere else to be for the rest of the day, didn’t mind. Kyra, who regularly extended her break beyond its limit, suggested it on purpose so she could avoid their coworkers.

As they walked to the restaurant, Kyra silently lamented she’d brought Charlie to Edenbrook on the worst day possible.

But she smiled and kept it to herself.

When they took their seats, Kyra started her usual game of looking for the craziest thing on the menu and deciding she should get it just so she could live a little. She inspired Charlie to order something a little more adventurous than the basic chicken sandwich she’d been eyeing when they first walked in.

After they ordered, Kyra was smiling.

“What?” Charlie asked, “The chicken won’t be that spicy,” she felt the need to defend her order, assuming her friend was judging her hot chicken and waffles – an impulsive choice on Charlie’s part but familiar enough that she was comfortable with it.

“Not that,” Kyra rolled her eyes dramatically, still grinning though, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Charlie smiled back – genuinely.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Kyra shook her head as if shocked by their recent time apart.

“I know… I haven’t been around much,” Charlie admitted sheepishly, reaching for her water as if she could hide behind the glass.

She didn’t need to feel embarrassed about needing time after the attack to heal. But that wasn’t really what she was embarrassed about. It was the weeks of lying and hiding that preceded it.

“I’ve heard,” Kyra smirked softly into her drink.

“You’ve heard?” Charlie repeated, her heart rate spiking just a bit.

“I mean, even before everything happened, you were getting hard to find. And then, after the attack, you’re entitled to space, but…” Kyra smirked like she knew some grand secret, and Charlie’s stomach flipped. “Honestly, all of your roommates wonder where you are but are too polite to ask because of all you’ve been through.”

Charlie’s face fell.

Shit.

She should’ve known. Of course, they’d eventually put it together that she was often gone and frequently spent nights away, but she didn’t realize they were talking about it.

Charlie swallowed hard, and Kyra took that as her sign to continue.

“At first, they thought you were seeing someone casually and didn’t want to tell anyone after what happened with Raf, but then they thought they would have come around after the attack. For a little while, they thought you were with Raf and had secretly united after he broke up with his girlfriend because you guys were suddenly getting along again,” Kyra explained, watching as Charlie’s blanched with shock, “And he explained your absences a lot of the time, but he denied being your boyfriend, by the way. So, if you are having a secret love affair, you should know that your boyfriend denies it.”

“And do you guys still think I’m with Raf?” Charlie couldn’t believe there had been this much discourse about her absence. How many theories had they gone through?

“No,” Kyra shook her head, “You guys don’t act like a couple when you’re together. Plus, there’s no real reason to keep it a secret.”

Right…

Charlie was amazed Rafael hadn’t told her about all the gossip, but he was probably just trying to protect her from it.

“You guys aren’t, are you?” Kyra asked, just to be sure.

“No, definitely not,” Charlie insisted forcefully enough that Kyra was satisfied she was telling the truth.

“Good,” Kyra grinned in relief, “I already made a bet with Elijah that you two weren’t together, so he owes he me $20 now.”

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh.

Still, her curiosity burned.

“So, what are the other theories?”

Kyra raised an eyebrow, surprised Charlie was digging into it more. Clearly, something was there if she was this curious.

“Some are better than others. Aurora thought you might have a secret apartment to be by yourself. Sienna thinks you’re just going around to different supporters like Dr. Banerji when you need them. She usually thinks you’re at his cabin when you’re away. Bryce likes to joke that you’re out at bars on the prowl for a new boy toy,” Kyra winked with a laugh, “And then there’s this really funny one we came up with at Donahue’s, but it’s probably not true.”

“What is it?” Charlie pushed.

Kyra blushed. She was embarrassed to tell her how crazy their conspiracies had become.

“Well… it’s just that Dr. Ramsey’s been really supportive and protective since the attack. And we all saw how devastated he was right after. Plus, he’s the one who took you to Dr. Banerji’s cabin,” Kyra began, but the way she spoke made it clear she thought it was unlikely.

But she was right.

“After everything that happened with you last year, I know that you probably wouldn’t even give him the time of day, especially since you’d started dating other people right before you got sick. But… we thought you and Dr. Ramsey were, you know, together.”

Kyra expected an emphatic rebuttal or an amused laugh. Instead, Charlie stared.

“You weren’t, right?” Kyra laughed, waiting for her expected response.

“Um…” Charlie hesitated.

She wondered if she should keep lying.

But she couldn’t fathom it, not anymore.

“I was, actually,” Charlie said it casually, like it wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation that she had reunited with the man who broke her heart last spring.

Kyra was stunned to silence.

So stunned that she hardly noticed the waitress deliver their meals. Charlie thanked her on behalf of both of them.

Charlie waited for Kyra to do something.

Literally anything.

But she was just staring.

“We were actually together before the attack, though,” Charlie spoke up, trying to fill the silence. She kept her tone nonchalant in hopes it would keep the conversation that way, reducing the impact of her truth, “About a month. Not including the back and forth preceding it, where we slept together a few times.”

Kyra’s eyes widened more and more until they couldn’t possibly get wider.

“I thought you liked David! Didn’t you go out with him to get over Ethan?” Kyra asked, having set up them up just so Charlie could stop crushing on her boss.

“I did like him! But… I only saw him once. And I actually cut that date short because Ethan called me drunk, and I wanted to check on him,” Charlie admitted sheepishly.

“And that’s when you decided to be with Ethan?”

“No,” Charlie averted her eyes, “It was about a week later, I think. We, um… we had sex in Ethan’s office. We didn’t mean to do that, but as you already know, it wasn’t the first time. So, Ethan suggested that we start an actual relationship. I said no initially, but the next day, I said yes.”

“You’re in a relationship?”

“Oh… yeah,” Charlie winced, realizing her friend thought they were just sleeping together.

“How serious?”

“Like we’ve met each other’s parents, and we regularly say, ‘I love you’ serious,” Charlie’s voice got higher as she spoke until she was almost squeaking.

This was crazy. She’d been having a secret relationship – and not the kind where you text someone and show up at their door. She’d been building something meaningful with Ethan. She loved Ethan. She truly wanted to spend the rest of her life with Ethan, and along the way, she’d forgotten that her friends had no idea.

“Holy. Shit,” Kyra’s jaw dropped, and she leaned in close, “Tell me everything.”

She was smiling, and Charlie let out a deep sigh of relief.

So, Charlie told her.

Their promise to have a one-night stand. The way they pulled away and always came back. Her first date with David and the night she spent with Ethan. The morning where they shared breakfast and became friends again. The night in Ethan’s office where he offered a relationship and her teary acceptance the next night. The first time they said I love you. The way he helped put her back together after the attack. Their fight about her returning to Edenbrook. Everything.

Kyra was enthralled.

She asked more questions.

Most of which involved how Ethan was in bed. The others questioned how such an asshole could be a good boyfriend. And most importantly, why they’d kept it a secret.

On that front, Charlie didn’t have a great answer.

It was obvious why they kept it a secret from most of the hospital. The hospital didn’t approve of interdepartmental relationships, particularly if one party was a superior. It could jeopardize her place on the Diagnostics Unit, and rumors of sleeping to the top could damage her career permanently.

But why she didn’t tell her friends?

At first, just to keep the secret from spreading and maybe because she thought they’d think it was a terrible decision. Then… as time went on, it was just harder to share.

Though disappointed with Charlie’s lack of an answer, Kyra loved the conversation.

A few months ago, she’d strongly urged Charlie to stay away from Ethan, convinced he could only hurt her if they got any closer. But now that Ethan had seemingly proved himself, Kyra was eager to hear everything.

The rest of lunch was spent dishing on Charlie’s secret relationship and gossiping about the fabulous men – and the gorgeous woman – Kyra had been casually seeing in the last few weeks. Out of all of them, the only one who came close to acting like a partner was ironically Bryce – the only one she wasn’t sleeping with. Charlie, as always, encouraged Kyra to ask Bryce out and act on their perpetual flirting. Kyra just waved off the suggestion.

It wasn’t until the end of the meal that the conversation naturally drifted back to the financial state of Edenbrook and the resulting long hours Kyra had been working.

Kyra forgot why she didn’t bring it up earlier. She forgot that, as much as she loved Charlie, certain topics were still of limits. Something about the conversation made Kyra feel safe and comfortable – like she was catching up with an old friend, not protecting her from a hospital tragedy.

“I didn’t realize things were that bad,” Charlie confessed, signing her name on the check as they collected their things to leave.

“The whole thing’s on the verge of collapse,” Kyra sighed, “We’re trying everything –even begging our donor list to the point where they hate us. And things are going to get so much worse after today…”

“Today? What happened today?” Charlie asked curiously. Kyra, who had just looped her arm through Charlie’s, stilled as she realized her mistake.

“Just a little crisis. Nothing we can’t handle,” Kyra murmured casually.

“Is that why you had the emergency meeting?” Charlie prodded innocently, unaware of the change in her friend.

“Mmmhmm,” Kyra hummed avoidantly.

“Well… What was it?” Charlie asked again, growing more intrigued by the minute, “There hasn’t been an emergency admin meeting since someone tried to kill me. And before that, the last one was when Mrs. Martinez’s family threatened to sue. It’s got to be something big.”

And it was.

Something monumental and horrible.

“It’s not great,” Kyra warned, “You probably don’t want to hear about it…”

Well, now Charlie had to know.

“Kyra,” she said softly, pausing on the sidewalk once they exited the restaurant, “what is it?”

Kyra chewed on her lower lip, mulling over the decision on whether or not to tell her.

If Kyra was the one to tell her, at least she could control the way the information was spread. Charlie wouldn’t first be exposed to the news through sensationalized gossip or accusatory questions.

Maybe it was better this way.

“An intern made a mistake, or we think it was a mistake,” Kyra began, her hand resting on Charlie’s arms as they moved through the bitterly cold city. Even with their heavy jackets, they huddled together for warmth, and Kyra was comforted by Charlie’s closeness.

“A mistake,” Charlie repeated, the cogs in her brain already churning.

The last time the administrative wing panicked because of an intern mistake, it had been her own.

“What unit?” Charlie asked, hoping it would be something completely unrelated to her line of work. Maybe surgery made the wrong cut or psych misdiagnosed. Even dermatology was capable of mistakes if they tried hard enough.

“Diagnostics,” Kyra’s soft voice was almost lost to the roar of the Boston streets.

Charlie knew.

Without being told, she knew exactly what happened.

And the fact it came so easily to her meant that she had known the risk before now.

She let it happen.

“Esme,” Charlie blurted out her assumption. She prayed that Kyra would correct her.

“How did you know?” Kyra asked, bewildered.

Charlie winced.

“And the patient was Levi Coates.”

“Did someone already tell you?” Kyra’s eyes were so wide they took up most of her face. She was astonished – maybe even a little relieved she wouldn’t have to share the gory details if Charlie already knew.

Charlie couldn’t speak.

Without either noticing, the crosswalk turned green.

Most of the lunch rush had already left the city streets and returned to their office building, so the sidewalks weren’t crowded. Only a few people stood next to Charlie and Kyra, and once the light changed, they left the pair on the sidewalk by themselves.

“No…” Charlie murmured finally, only becoming aware of the crosswalk once it turned red again and stranded them in their original location.

No one needed to tell Charlie.

It all came back to her in horrific detail.

The day she came back to work – her last day before she abandoned Edenbrook and the care of her intern.

Esme acted strangely. She said things she shouldn’t have said to Charlie. She asked dangerous questions. She was too close to Levi – and too willing to take on the risks involved with helping him. And the party…. The party should have been a sign. No one survived a party at Edenbrook, it seemed.

But back then, Charlie couldn’t take it on. She was too fragile and overwhelmed to assume the responsibilities, stress, and mistakes of another. She couldn’t care for herself enough to teach someone else.

She’d left Esme.

She assumed someone would take over, spot it, and do something.

Or her little warning speech would be enough to warn Esme off from career-ruining misery.

But now, Charlie saw it wasn’t enough.

She failed Esme. She failed Edenbrook, and now she failed Levi.

Charlie didn’t want to ask what Esme had done, but she hoped it was benign – something like threatening a parent and having a lawsuit thrown in her face. She couldn’t watch another bright young intern lose a patient and devastate a family.

“What happened?” Charlie asked, not to sate curiosity but to be prepared. She knew that everyone would stare and whisper once she walked into Edenbrook again.

She didn’t look at Kyra as the light finally turned green again. While Kyra collected her thoughts, Charlie tugged her friend across the crosswalk.

Kyra sighed. There was no right way to say it, but even still, it felt wrong to say, “Levi died.”

Charlie’s world felt like it ended again.

“What?”

Charlie stopped in the middle of the street. Locked into her arms, Kyra was stuck there with her.

“She overdosed him. After everything his body went through, he couldn’t take it,” Kyra explained, looking at the crosswalk sign as she was eager to get out of the road.

“So, it was an accident?” Charlie meant to clarify, but it sounded more like a demand.

“Well…” Kyra swallowed, “We’re not sure.”

“You’re not sure?”

“She was close to the patient, and judging by the interviews we’ve conducted thus far… it’s possible that she did this to spare him, most likely with his permission. And that’s the result the admin office wants.”

“Why would they want that? That’s illegal in Massachusetts,” Charlie demanded, seemingly oblivious to the countdown on how much longer they had in this street.

“Charlie, let’s get out of the road,” Kyra implored.

“Just tell me.”

Kyra huffed, eyes scanning the cars waiting for the green light to run them over. Backed into a corner, she confessed, “Because, if she did, the hospital isn’t liable, and we can’t afford the lawsuit right now.”

Oh my God.

Finally, Charlie took a step, and Kyra immediately ushered them to the other side of the street. Only moments later, cars roared through the intersection, much to Kyra’s relief.

But Charlie was disgusted.

She was horrified. She hated that a death had turned into money so quickly. She hated that she hadn’t saved Esme and Levi. She hated that her experience with Mrs. Martinez had been repeated in another generation.

For the next block or so, Kyra and Charlie walked in silence.

Then Edenbrook came into view.

That place.

Full of death and destruction. Pain and misery. Mistakes and heartache.

An anxious building was suddenly clothed in danger.

She hated it. She hated the whole place and all it had done to those she cared about.

Kyra watched her carefully, hoping that she wouldn’t have to leave her friend in a bad state. Finally, she asked, “Should I not have told you?”

“No, you should have,” Charlie murmured, “Better you than someone like Declan Nash telling me it’s a tradition.”

Kyra squeezed Charlie’s arm, wishing she could absorb whatever terrible emotions she felt. She’d been through enough already.

“Do you think it was an accident?” Charlie bit her lip, unsure if she wanted the answer, “If only you got to decide, what would you do?”

“Me?” Kyra considered it, “I don’t know. I’ve only read a few interviews, and I hardly know her. But… looking at his file, I wouldn’t blame Esme if she did. With parents who wouldn’t allow him to give up, he didn’t have many other options, but… I don’t want her to get blamed for this for the sake of a hospital budget.”

Charlie appreciated Kyra’s fair consideration, but personally… Charlie felt sure of what Esme had done. And she couldn’t blame her, not when she saw Levi’s suffering. But it felt like a failure on Charlie’s part nonetheless. She should have been there to find other alternatives before it came to this.

They were close to Edenbrook now.

Soon, they’d say goodbye.

“Are you going to be okay?” Kyra inquired. She wouldn’t leave her friend like this, but she didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t bring her back to the chaos in the administrative wing, and aside from Rafael, all of their other friends were currently working in Edenbrook, the source of the tragedy.

“I’ll be fine,” Charlie affirmed half-heartedly.

“Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?” Kyra asked casually. Or it was supposed to sound casual – because, in actuality, it definitely wasn’t. Kyra wanted to know that Charlie wasn’t going to mope about all day or go on a downward spiral after the news.

“Not particularly,” Charlie shrugged, “While I’m here, I think I’ll run up and see Ethan.”

“Your boyfriend?” Kyra teased, and Charlie shot her a glare. Kyra nudged her playfully, “You should tell everyone, you know.”

“I will… eventually.”

“Eventually? So, they’ll find out by getting a wedding invite?”

“I’ll tell them when it’s time,” Charlie insisted, a ghost of a smile creeping across her lips at the joke.

“Just make sure I’m there when you tell Bryce. I want to see his reaction. Promise me, okay?” Kyra demanded once they got to the front door.

“Okay,” Charlie agreed weakly, feeling the color drain from her face as she stepped inside.

“Alright…” Kyra sighed, hesitating to leave. She balanced on either foot as she tried to think of a reason to stay, but ultimately, she just gave Charlie a hug, “Call me later, okay?”

Charlie nodded her agreement.

Kyra wasn’t totally satisfied, but she walked back to the admin office anyway.

Leaving Charlie in Edenbrook.

This building. This horrible building.

Charlie started walking to Ethan’s office on autopilot, but the halls plagued her. Ghosts of patients lost, mistakes made, and heartaches received whispered to her. And then they screamed.

The panic built in her chest – mixing with her sense of regret and responsibility.

Everything here had been a devastating failure.

In her blind rage, she knew exactly what she needed to do.

Ethan felt something similar as he walked to his office.

He’d spent his lunch break with Naveen. Their scheduled lunch had been disrupted by a crisis with Dr. Ortega, and their resulting time together amounted to picking up food from the cafeteria and eating it in Naveen’s office between emergency meetings.

This lunch turned into what Ethan usually called Naveen’s “retirement talks.” Every year or so, Naveen would tire of the politics and stress associated with their profession. He would meet Ethan for drinks or dinner, and he would propose a retirement. Throughout the meal, Naveen would build a fantasy of retirement – one where he read, fished, and hosted dinner parties with frequency. Ethan played the role of reminding Naveen why he loved his job. At the end of all of these talks, Ethan’s side always won because, truthfully, Naveen was never looking to retire. After all, even when Naveen almost died, he couldn’t stay retired for even a week after his recovery.

But today was different.

Today, during the hurried meal, Naveen hadn’t built a fantasy. He reflected on the reality of their job and the pain it can produce. The death of Levi Coates and the accusations against Dr. Esme Ortega were proof enough that this was a difficult burden to bear. Naveen felt responsible. So did Ethan.

It was Ethan’s department, and she worked under Ethan – not that Ethan could say he’d given much effort to her education recently. He’d been so entangled in his own life that he hadn’t been much of an attending. Perhaps he could have taught her something to prevent this.

Then there was the day Charlie came back to work… He’d seen Ortega. She’d been up to something. If Ethan hadn’t been so focused on Charlie, he would have seen it. He could have done something.

Though he felt similarly, he lacked Charlie’s rage and depth of pain.

So, when he opened his office door and saw his beloved girlfriend standing there, he smiled. Because it felt like old times, if just for a minute. When they were so eager for time together that they’d meet here in secret…. His heart ached for the innocence of that time.

Then, he remembered she was still nervous in Edenbrook, and she was pacing the room anxiously. This couldn’t be a romantic visit.

Ethan closed the door behind him quickly and greeted her with confusion, “Charlotte?”

“You know about Esme,” Charlie skipped pleasantries.

In the comfort and safety of this office, the apprehension poured out of her. In front of him, she was going to lose it.

Ethan frowned.

He wished she hadn’t found out yet. It was the last thing she needed.

“So, you know too then?” Ethan clarified, turning the lock on his office door out of precaution.  

Charlie didn’t answer. She just held her breath, sucking in air through her nose and holding it in her chest. She thought it would calm her. It didn’t.

“This is my fault,” she decided.

“You weren’t even here!” Ethan objected.

“But she’s my intern.”

“You were mine,” Ethan stepped towards Charlie, “And I never took responsibility for Mrs. Martinez’s treatment.”

“But you were there to teach me. You did what you could. I wasn’t there for Esme. I wasn’t even here at all!” Charlie retorted.

“What do you think you could have done?” Ethan asked, knowing she was expecting too much of herself.

“I knew something was wrong, Ethan. Esme was acting inappropriately. She asked me questions about ‘doing the right thing’ even when it’s not allowed. I should have told someone or at least told her more about what happened to me. All I did was give her a short speech and then leave,” Charlie huffed, “I failed her.”

Ethan felt strongly that she hadn’t. Or even if she had, she was justified given her traumatic near-death experience only a few weeks ago.

“You didn’t administer the dose. You’re not responsible.”

Charlie paused, her green eyes boring into his. He felt exposed as she seemed to read his rawest emotions with ease. And to prove it, she inquired, “You feel no responsibility then?”

Ethan shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to lie.

Charlie shook her head as if unsurprised, and she began to pace again.

The panic was rising, and tears prickled at her eyes.

“This fucking place,” Charlie scorned, “All I wanted to be was a doctor. I thought I would come here and learn from the best. I thought I’d leave tired and deeply in debt but satisfied with my decision. And at every turn, something horrible happens. Why am I even here? I came here to help people, but who has been helped? Levi? Mrs. Martinez? Bobby?”

“Charlie…” Ethan eyes softened, “You’ve helped a lot of people.”

“Not enough. Not enough for this…” Charlie felt like she was breaking.

She was cracking and splintering. She was giving up.

“Why am I even trying to be a doctor if I’m just getting people killed?”

“Charlotte,” Ethan didn’t expect to react so viscerally, but something about her accusation stung him deeply. He placed either hand on her shoulder and insisted, “You haven’t killed anyone.”

“I can’t do this,” she shook her head so quickly, so fervently that her snow-dampened curls flew, “I can’t come back here. I can’t come back to Edenbrook, where nothing goes right and everyone gets hurt. Ethan… I’m leaving medicine.”

He could have sworn the earth stopped turning.

“Charlotte,” Ethan began, prepared to give a speech on why she was wrong, but she cut him off.

“I’ve already made up my mind. I made it up before I even got here. I can’t take another tragedy in this hospital. I can’t keep going, Ethan. I’m literally building up my tolerance just to stand in this office! How am I supposed to practice again?”

“You haven’t given yourself enough time!” Ethan asserted.

“It’s been over a month. How much more time will it take, Ethan?”

“Naveen is willing to give you as much time as you need.”

“But when is enough time? Ethan, there isn’t enough time! I am broken. I lost the instinct. I can’t do it anymore,” she felt like she was begging him to understand, just as he was begging her to change her mind.

“You are not broken, no matter what. You haven’t even tested the instinct to know if it’s lost,” Ethan knew that pinpointing the holes in her argument would do little to sway her, but it felt like all he had.

“I can’t keep going like this, Ethan,” Charlie said so passionately that Ethan instantly knew she was right. His hand went to hers, and he squeezed it.

“I know…” he murmured.

For a second, she thought she’d won. But the racing panic and horror didn’t leave her mind…

“But you don’t have to quit to change this,” Ethan decided.

Charlie frowned, but having decided on his mission, Ethan ignored her. He went to his desk and collected the chart for the newest patient of the Diagnostics Team – a patient they hadn’t even seen yet.

He handed the file to her and told her, “Read it.”

“I’m not even on duty. I can’t read this,” Charlie dropped the chart back to his desk.

“You can, and you are. And read it quickly because you’re going with us to meet the patient.”

“I’m on leave.”

“I’m your supervisor, and if you’re going to quit, I’m taking you off leave first,” Ethan determined.

It was a risk.

He could either change her mind or make it much, much worse.

“You should grab your jacket. The patient is at a ski resort, and we’re leaving in half an hour,” Ethan announced authoritatively.

She could say no, of course. She was very good at calling him out on his bullshit, particularly when he claimed authority he didn’t have. But he didn’t think she would because she wanted to know just as much as he did.

“So, what? You don’t want to leave me alone when I’m upset, and you think you can entice me back into work with a mystery? Is that what you have planned?” Charlie accused Ethan.

“No,” Ethan stood firmly, “I’m bringing you because I know you’ll solve it, and you need a reminder of all the good you’ve done here.”

Charlie made a show of rolling her eyes. She hated that he dared to fight her on her own career decisions, particularly after everything she’d been through. But she still reached for the chart. Just as he suspected, she didn’t continue the fight. Instead, she gathered her coat and started reading about the patient.

She wanted to know if Ethan was right.

And honestly… part of her hoped he was.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for continuing to support this series! I didn’t mean to take this last hiatus, but with finishing up my semester, graduating, saying goodbye to friends, and moving, I ended up needing more time than I originally imagined.

Please share your thoughts on this chapter - and Kyra finding out!

[justsomefluff]

Hi I have ADHD and sometimes I forget to take my meds which makes me quite hyper, can you do a reaction with ateez where you forgot to take your medicine and is really hyper?

Guess who’s back-back-back again-gain-gain...After a long time because im lazy lmaoooo. Here it is, thank you for being patient my dearest. and please do take your meds its important <3 Keep yourself happy and healthy always anon

ALSO, i do not have ADHD so this is just based off of what I have been told about it or how friends who DO have it have explained things to me. If i offend or misrepresent ANYTHING please let me know. I tried to write this pretty neutrally without a lot of detail on the actual disorder.

Hongjoong:

Kind of oblivious at first

Like “oh they’re a lil fidgety today”

But as the day goes on he’s like

“something is amiss”

You’re moving all over the place, being a lil chatterbox

And he’s gettin a lil suspicious

“Heyyyyyyy,” pretty much clotheslines you as you speed through different rooms because you won’t (read: cant) STOP

“Did yooooouuuuu… take your meds?” 

Smiley face. Wink. “No.”

Immediate understands

But begs you to take your medication because you sometimes get embarrassed of your hyperactivity later

Like you feel like you were annoying him or something 

and he assures you that you weren’t bothering him, but anxiety be like that so, ya know

Just doesn’t want you to overtire yourself or feel bad late

Seonghwa:

Overprotective

Always asks you if you took your meds in the morning

Likes a routine and wants to make sure youre always happy and healthy

But if he oversleeps and gets thrown off

And therefore does not remind you to take your medicine…

Freaks out a lil

Mini heart attack

Mostly feels bad because he feels responsible

How could he forget to take care of you this way?

Then you have to expend all your extra energy assuring him that even you forget sometimes 

But then he starts setting reminders in both of your phones

Will even text you when he’s away for work uwu

Best of intentions…low-key a nag… but Mama Hwa

Yunho: 

Will lowkey bask in your hyperactivity

Like AYYYYYYYY

Like he knows its important for you to take your medication but…

Every once in a while he finds it kind of fun

Will take you to dance practice with him even if its his day off

Thinks it will be the only time you will commit to learning an entire choreo with him lmaooooo

Also kind of lets himself go a little bit

Like lets spend the day being crackheads and just expend all of our energy

And then cuddle at the end of the night when, inevitably, we are too exhausted to move

Loves that he gets to see that side of you and gets to share in good memories like those

But still reminds you to take your medicine the day after

Yeosang:

(he’s so cute im over here sobbing)

Honestly, I see him being the slightest bit overwhelmed by it

Like have you seen him when Wooyoung gets hyper

he’s like Whoa, child

Wants to calm you down ever so slightly

Like “be gentle with me, I am but a child”

But will still laugh at your antics

Of course, he loves every part of you

Everything can just kind of be too much for him sometimes lmao

Will take you places and do activities with you until you are both worn out

Will make you take care of him the rest of the night and tease you

Like “look what I have to put up with. You made me walk so much today”

But its gentle and sweet at the same time

San:

Thinks its funny but is actually concerned on the inside

Kind of worried that you might hurt yourself while youre speeding around

Tries to convince you not to wait until tomorrow to take the next dose

Follows you around just waiting to catch you if you slip

Damn near wraps you in bubble wrap when you stub your toe

Like, San… “I can still function, sir”

“But you stubbed your toe”

“Everyone does that sometimes”

Starts to calm down when he realizes that you really are gonna be okay, you’re just going to experience the day a little bit quicker than normal

Twice the speed of the average human

Speedy, he calls you

Squirrel comparisons on the way

Mingi:

Why do I feel like he wouldn’t even notice lmao

He’d just be like “wow, they have a lot of energy today”

Goes about the day normally

At the end of the day, you tell him about everything that you were able to get done

Whether its work, school, cleaning, errands, binging a TV series, or ALL of the above

And he’s like… “how”

And you’re like, well let me tell you about the lil thing I forgot to do this morning

Clueless lmao… “What did you forget?”

“Mah meds.”

“Ohhhhh…”

Then he tries to understand how you managed to do all of those things without your meds

And you’re like… I probably half-assed them but

At least they’re done!

Wooyoung:

Just makes fun of you the whole time

Like lets be real

He’s hyper on his own

And loves seeing you that way because he can relate to it

Also, you do some stuff that might not be the smartest because you’ve got so much energy to expend

“DONT SLIDE DOWN THE HALL IN SOCKS”

Laughs when you fall

Joins you though because, while mildly dangerous…

Looks fun

Never lets you get self-conscious about anything because he is really good at matching your energy the whole day

Is awesome at just letting you work through the day at the pace you feel is right

Somehow manages to keep up with you the entire time, no matter how hard it can be sometimes

Jongho:

Another one who is a little bit overwhelmed

Kind of shy and introverted and quiet in general

So if you get super-duper talkative and loud he might be kind of thrown off his game

Like how do I handle this

How do I be the best boyfriend during this

Overthin-King

Just internally debating whether he should tell you to take your meds, join in on your activities, or just let you ride out the hyperactivity on your own

Spends the entire day thinking about it’

Ends up letting you just do your thing on your own… not that he decided that was the best option

He was just too busy thinking about it to actually make a decision lmao

[marvelslut16]

Prank gone wrong

Prompt number: 19 “I can’t do this anymore”

Fandom: It

Paring: Richie Tozier x reader (aged up to 17 or 18)

Rating: T

Word count: 2.6k (this was supposed to be short!)

Warnings: Swearing. Bullying. Mentions of domestic abuse/domestic violence- nothing graphic. asshole Richie. Angst but ends fluffy

A/N: Oof I’ve been gone for ages, I’m sorry guys. But here’s day one of fictober, so hopefully I’ll be able to keep up and this will motivate me to write regularly again. I’m not sure if I love this one or not. I liked the idea when I started and then it took some turns and this is what I ended up with while writing between zoom classes, so sorry if it sucks. I added the second gif cause it’s closer to the age in the story. 

It all started as a stupid prank, a way to get back at Greta for years and years of torture, you never thought it would end in you losing a friend. Just over three months ago Richie agreed to Bev’s plan, take Greta out on a few dates and then publicly humiliate her- give her a taste of her own medicine. But to everyone's surprise, it lasted way longer than a few dates and there was no end in sight. Worst of all it seemed that Richie was actually falling for her- he would defend her any chance he got and even started ditching the losers to spend time with her and her friends. 

It was no surprise to you that Greta fell for Richie, he’s funny, sweet, and he’s aged well. His head has grown into his coke bottle glasses, he still wears hawian shirts but now he has a leather jacket over them constantly- a leather jacket that the two of you picked out together. There is no better than one Richie Tozier, and your feelings are getting harder and harder to deny. Your crush on the trashmouth developed back in middle school- the summer Pennywise reigned terror, but through the years your crush turned into something stronger- by senior year you knew you loved him. Halfway into said school year every loser, besides Richie of course, knew of your feelings for him. The pitied glances they would send your way were almost suffocating. 

Richie is late to lunch yet again, probably making out with Greta in the hallway, so each of you are using this time to talk about the personal hell her and her friends have created for each of you today. You go last, quickly giving them a rundown of your encounter with her in the bathroom, where she threatened you to stay away from ‘her Richie’ and that you would live to regret it if you didn’t. She even ripped one of your textbooks out of your hands, dropping it into the disgusting toilet water- calling you a worthless slut on her way out. 

“Greta is such a bitch!” you complain to your friends, mindlessly pushing around the mush they call lunch at Derry high with the cheap plastic spork they provide. 

“I’d prefer if you didn’t talk about my girlfriend that way,” Richie’s voice is calm and even- lacking the normal excitement and joking lilt to it. Your eyes widen in horror at him having heard you, then they narrow at how genuine his defense of her is. 

“Richie, c’mon, let it go,” Eddie pleads, glancing between your shocked and hurt face and Richie’s angry one. 

“No Eddie, I’m so sick of (Y/N) talking shit about my girlfriend!” you whip around in your seat and look at him in shock. 

“Richie what the hell?” you rise out of your seat so he won’t look down on you literally and figuratively anymore. He cocks his eyebrow, head dropping to the side as he crosses his arms and lets out a huff of annoyance. “Ya know what? I can’t do this anymore!”

“Do what anymore?” Richie doesn’t drop the cocky attitude, making the next words out of your mouth slightly less painful. 

“Be your friend,” there’s a collective gasp from your friends. Richie’s face morphs into shock and sadness for a split second before hardening and sending you another glare. “Not when you’re dating her. She’s changing you Richie!” 

“Greta was right about you, you are a bitch,” your breath catches in your throat and you fight the tears that well up in your eyes. Richie’s glare is unflinching as you stare him in the eye, a tell-tale sign that he doesn’t regret a single word that he said. The murmuring from the table behind you stops the moment the words leave his mouth, they all stare at their friend in shock. 

“Fine, then you’ll never have to deal with this bitch again,” you spin around and grab your backpack and lunch tray. “Fuck you Richard Tozier!” you dump your tray of mush into the trach on your way out of the cafeteria nad away from that stupid boy you somehow fell for. 

“What did you just do?” Stan is the first one to regain the use of his voice, he’s glaring at Richie as the boy takes your recently vacated seat. 

“I’m sick of her attitude towards Greta,” he tries to defend, shocked when all of his friends level him with matching glares. 

“W-wh-what h-ha-ha-happen-ned to th-he pr-pr-prank-k?” Bill’s recently improved stuttering growing worse as he grows anxious at the turn of events between his friends. 

“Greta isn’t the bad one here, we’ve been rude to her all of these years!” Richie once again tries to effectively defend his girlfriend.

“She wrote loser on my cast!” Eddie practically screeches before he goes into an anxiety attack, beleving it’s an asthma attack he takes two puffs from his inhaler.

“Her and her friends dumped wet garbage on me,” Bev adds, quieter than Eddie. 

“That was in middle school,” Richie rolls his eyes, leaning back in his seat. 

“I thought you were in love with (Y/N) before the whole prank, that you did it to get over her,” Eddie says slowly this time, having calmed down from moments prior. 

“Greta helped me realize I never loved (Y/N), I was doing what was expected after years of friendship,” the losers stare at him- open mouthed and gaping at Richie’s stupidity. 

“She attacked (Y/N) in the bathroom this morning,” Mike tries to reason with his brainwashed friend. 

“No, (Y/N) was lying to you guys. She attacked Greta earlier, not the other way around. She screamed at Greta to break up with me or she’d regret it, and then dumped her books in the toilet and called her slut.”

“Greta did that to (Y/N), you dumbass!” Bev grows increasingly angry, at Richie and herself for coming up with the stupid prank. “I was in there with her, Greta’s convinced (Y/N)’s in love with you so she wants to rip you apart. Do you honestly believe (Y/N) would do something like that?”

“Shit!” Richie slams his fists on the table, causing most of the cafeteria to turn and looking at him briefly before going back to their individual tasks. Everything Greta had blamed on you in the past three months comes rushing back and he realizes that they’re all out of character but in character for Greta. Somewhere along the way he convinced himself that Greta was telling the truth so he had a reason to stop being in love with his best friend- he was too scared to tell you because you’re the only person that could actually hurt him. 

“(Y/N) (L/N) to the principal's office immediately,” the voiceover the intercom cracks showing the age of the ancient system. 

“Richie?” Stan isn’t sure he wants to know the truth as he asks the question. 

“I told Greta to tell the principal,” his voice is oddly quiet and broken, definitely out of character for the jokester trashmouth. 

“You fucking idiot!” Bev seethes, staring Richie down. They’re the only two that know the truth about your father. 

--

You quickly get up from your place in the library and walk down the empty halls to get to the principal's office. Once you arrive the secretary gives you a dirty look, causing you to sink back and the pit of anxiety in your gut to grow. Greta sends you a triumphant smirk before going back to fake sobbing as she walks out of the principal's office and past you. 

You feel like you're going to vomit as you walk into the principal's office behind him, the look on his face says you’ll get after school detention for at least a week! Whatever lies Greta told about you are clearly being believed by him and the secretary. 

“You’re a good student Miss. (L/N), so why have you been harassing Miss. Keene?” he crosses his arms over his chest, they rest lightly on top of his bulging gut. 

“I haven’t-” you try to defend, but he puts up a hand to stop you. 

“She alleges it’s because you have feelings for her boyfriend Mr. Tozier and you’re upset that she chose her over you.”

“That’s not true-” his glare cuts you off this time. 

“Today alone you threw her books in the toilet, threatened her for being with Richie, and called her a slut,” the words today alone stand out to you, how many lies did she tell? 

“She did that to me! Not the other way around!” you try desperately for him to believe you. 

“Then why didn’t you come to me?” he raises a brow much like Richie did in the  cafeteria, Greta has both of them wrapped around her finger and against you. 

“Because no ones ever done anything! She’s been torturing me since we were in grade school and she’s never got in trouble! A freshman came to you last week saying Greta was bullying her and you didn’t do anything!”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to suspend you for the rest of the week.” he says firmly, no room for negotiation or pleading. 

“That’s four days!” you cry out incredulously.

“Do you want to make it longer?” when you don’t respond he continues talking. “Your father is on his way, go get your books from your locker and leave school property.” 

You hear someone call your name from down the hall as you grab all of your textbooks from your locker, trying to shove all five thick books into your bag. You ignore the voice up until it’s right next to you and you realize it’s Richie trying to plead for forgiveness. 

“Lose my number, and while you’re at it forget my name. Stay the fuck away from me Tozier!” Your outburst grabs the attention of the other students walking to their next class, everyone shocked by the inseparable duo of Tozier and (L/N) fighting. You slam your locker shut with a loud bang, heading for the door and away from him calling your name.

--

Monday comes agonizingly slowly, but when it does you're sitting with Bev in the bathroom during third period, both of you telling your teachers you don’t feel good. 

“How bad was it?” she flicks her lighter and lights her cigarette, standing next to the window so she can blow the smoke outside. 

“Worse than it's ever been,” you feel ghost pains on your back from where your dad's leather belt met your flesh for the past six days. “Since Richie didn’t sneak in to help clean them this time I think I may have an infection.”

“He broke up with Greta,” Bev changes the subject, she knows you only trust Richie enough to see the damage your father inflicts, so she doesn’t bother to ask to check on it.” 

“Good for him,” you stare down at the gross linoleum tile under your beat up Chuck Taylor’s. Richie had promised to take you away from your father the moment you two graduated, he’d been promising it for years, even while he was with Greta, but now you aren’t holding out hope for the promise. 

“He’s been miserable without you,” the bell signaling the end of the period saves you from formulating an answer. Bev quickly flushes her cigarette butt and the two of you head to the cafeteria, you’re a little worried about sitting with the losers after your fight with Richie. Bev grabs your hand and gently pulls you to the table when she notices your hesitance. You catch up with the rest of the losers, minus Richie who isn’t in the lunchroom which you’re oddly sad about, finding out about tests and break ups you missed while you were suspended. The loud ear splitting sound of feedback causes the entire cafeteria to cover their ears and look to the microphone stand in the front of the room. Richie is standing in the front holding the microphone, cringing slightly at the loud sound. No lunch ladies run to grab the microphone from him, meaning he got permission to do whatever it is he’s about to do. His wild curls bounce as he nervously shifts from foot to foot as he looks around the cafeteria until he locks eyes with you. You can’t look away from him so you miss the smiles the losers give each other and the high five Bev and Ben share. 

“(Y/N) I don’t know what I could ever say to you to get you to forgive me, I can never forgive myself for hurting you,” he talks into the microphone, everyone looking between the two of you, but neither of you seem to notice anyone but each other. “I know I embarrassed you, so maybe if I embarrass myself in front of everyone you’ll forgive me a little bit. (Y/N), I never meant to hurt you, I only agreed to the prank because I wanted to forget you. No- fuck that doesn’t sound right.

“I’ve been in love with you since middle school and I knew you could never love me too, even when Ed’s told me you did I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to forget my feelings for you because I never wanted to hurt you, so I agreed to the prank. But I hurt you anyway because I let Greta get in my head, so I even failed the damn prank. But I love you so fucking much (Y/N) and I’m sick of running from these damn feelings. All I want to do is take you away from this hellhole after we graduate, and go to NYU together like we’ve planned since Freshman year. I love you (Y/N) (L/N), and I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing to you about how shitty I was if you give me a second chance.” 

Your body stands up on autopilot, and you don’t realize you’re walking towards him until your face to face. Lifting your hand you gently push a curl that fell in front of his eye away and tuck it behind his ear, he leans his head into your hand as a lunch lady comes and takes the microphone out his hand grinning largely at teen love. You struggle to find words, so you wrap both your hands around the lapels of his leather jacket and pull him into a kiss. It isn’t your first kiss, Bill had dared you two to kiss sophomore year in a game of truth or dare in the barrens, but this kiss is different. These aren't two kids afraid of the adult feelings that were overcoming them, these are two almost adults finally giving into the most powerful and amazing feeling in existence. Richie makes sure to keep his hands away from your back, he’ll clean out your cuts later, instead he tangles his fingers into your hair pulling you in deeper. Before the kiss can go too far you pull back giggling as Richie follows your face trying to kiss you again. 

“I love you too,” you rest your forehead on his, turning your giggling face into a mock serious one. “But you’re on thin ice mister.” 

“I love you more,” he caresses your cheek and you grin happily, laughing at his antics when he starts speaking again. “Than I love Eddie’s mom.” the entire cafeteria is whooping and hollering at your kiss, but non louder than your losers. Well, everyone except Greta, who lets out a high pitched huff and storms out of the cafeteria. 

“I think the prank ended up working out,” you giggle, lightly nipping at Richie’s thumb as it grazes over your lower lip.

Permanent tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen​ @rexorangecouny​

[princessofprocrastination]

Incapable Of Love (Corpse Husband)

MASTERLIST

summary : corpse hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. he thought he was ready when he met you, but now he’s not so sure anymore. (a dash of sykkuno)(angst)

a/n : dude i spent three whole days writing this and maybe i went too far, it’s so long. anyways, enjoy. this might not be the only part, please tell me if you want a continuation and tell me who you want yourself to end up with. 

warning : a very long story, and a whole lot of heartbreak. 

you were semi wild in highschool. no, you weren’t a party goer, you didn’t even start drinking till you reached twenty-one, but you didn’t have a hard time finding a boyfriend. although you never ha a hard time moving on, you are still a virgin, and you are proud to say that. 

your mother always told you to have fun while you were young, and never to feel deprived of the little things like going to clubs, this way, you would settle down and never feel the need to go back to the party phase ever again when you’re married and have kids. 

truth be told, you never thought about wanting kids. while every one of your friends spoke about their dream lives with kids, you never saw yourself with a child. 

you never took dating in highschool seriously. no one does. you did it to have fun. this was because you were in a very abusive relationship early on your teenage days. 

you were too young and naive to say anything when your then boyfriend would hit you, since he was much older than you, which was completely legal as you two weren’t doing anything sexual. 

it started small, just loud screaming or he would get in front of your face. then, he would scream at you while holding your face in one of his hands tightly, which would leave red finger marks all over your cheeks. it didn’t take long till he fully hit you, grabbing your hair and banging it on the wood table. 

it took you almost risking your life for your friends to find out what was happening and reporting him to the police. 

the amount of head injury you took caused a lot of trauma, but you still pushed through and didn’t let it get to you. your friends often called you a ray of sunshine although you dress the opposite. 

you would call yourself lucky. lucky that you found happiness in your job, that you weren’t stuck on a boring desk job. you were lucky to have started youtube. 

your friends would tell you that you deserved the success and fame that youtube had brought you, to keep going and not to let your actual supporters down whenever the hate would come up.

then, quarantine started. which somehow made your channel grow even bigger. also, this meant that you had time to just do better in creating content. 

one of your subscribers had commented about someone by the name of “corpse husband”. 

you had never heard of this name before, which made you more curious, but you never looked into it. 

corinna kopf, had brought you into the idea of streaming in your free time. and since you grew up playing minecraft, you started streaming your minecraft gameplays. 

soon enough, you made new friends and was invited to play among us, a really popular game during quarantine. 

there is where you found out who corpse husband actually is. 

streaming, you joined the discord call. your facecam directly showing your face and your background being your newly cleaned bedroom. 

“this is y/n, she makes one hell of an imposter,” corinna says to the rest of the people in the discord call. 

you blushed, not expecting the attention when you just joined in. 

felix, who goes by the name pewdipie introduces the rest of them to you. 

“and corpse is here too, his name had been popping a lot up in your comment section.” felix said to you. 

“actually, i was about to ask about that.” you replied. confused on why the rest of them were teasing you too. 

“let’s just say, a certain deep voice man had been simping for you recently.” valkyrae told you. 

“awh, that’s sweet, i’ve never had anyone simped for me before.” i said, smiling t myself. 

it took approximately three seconds for your stream comments to be filled with “i simped for you way before he did.” or “i simped since you started your channel” 

you laughed, you were expecting this. 

“okay, i’m guilty of that.” the man itself said. 

that was how your friendship started, which soon continued into a relationship. 

you weren’t even sure how you were capable of finding such a man. he takes good care of you, making sure you ate your medicine at the right time. to which you would remind him to take his, too. 

he’s a respectful man, always making sure he didn’t accidentally go above your boundaries. 

before the both of you were official, you made sure he knew about your past trauma, that’s you were sensitive to a lot of noises. screaming, glasses breaking, even the sound of people clapping. 

months go by and you both are going strong. you are usually at his house more than you are at your own. today was no exception. 

you came back to corpse’ place after filming a video with another fellow youtuber. you didn’t have the best of days. the person you were collaborating with turned out to be a pretty creepy person. 

he kept on asking you about personal thing like your sex life, although you’ve told him many times that you weren’t comfortable with talking about that. 

behind the scenes too, he would try to come up to you and grab your waist. you left his house in anger and rush. 

you left corpse’ apartment before sunrise and came back early enough for dinner. 

you knew that he would be streaming today, and since he usually streams late, you weren’t rushing to make dinner. 

you always had an issue with getting him to eat, but since you both are still in the “honeymoon period” of your relationship, it had still been tolerable. 

you put your bags down on the couch as you start to make dinner, not going to shower in case corpse hasn’t ate anything today. you felt bad for leaving him alone for a long period of time. 

you finished cooking and quickly cleaned up, making sure all the dishes are clean before you call on corpse to eat. 

you stood in front of his steaming room, bracing yourself before asking him to eat. although he is a puppy inside and was only intimidating because of his voice, you couldn’t help but feel scared at times. it was your habit. 

you knocked on the door softly twice, making sure you weren’t interrupting anything. 

you didn’t hear anything from inside the room. you knocked a little louder since you thought maybe he hadn’t heard you. 

you heard some clicking of keyboard keys. you assumed that he couldn’t hear you so you slowly opened the room door, making sure his stream couldn’t hear you just in case he was unmuted. 

although you two have been together for almost a year, he had told you that he wasn’t ready for the public to know, not even your mutual friends. that did make you a little hurt but you brushed it off since you knew it was going to be worth it. 

anything with him was worth it. 

“hey.” you started, making sure not to startle him. 

he put his hand up for you to see. you stopped in the middle of the room, scared that you messed something up. 

corpse clicks one of his keyboards. he turns to you slightly, but not looking into your eyes. you found this a little weird but you pushed the thought at the back of your head. 

“bub i made dinner, let’s eat.” you said to him. 

“not hungry.” he replies. 

you sighed. you knew this was going to happen. 

“you always say this, but you need to eat.” you almost whined at him, practically begging him to eat. 

“‘said i’m not hungry.” he replied to you again. 

“even just a little, please eat.” you tried again.

“JUST STOP, I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU. I TOLD YOU I’M NOT HUNGRY.” corpse screams, while his left hand banged on his gaming table loudly. 

you flinched, and slightly moved back. this brought you flashbacks to your highschool relationship. 

“i’m sorry.” you said, voice soft that you weren’t even sure he could hear.

you left the room in a rush but still tried to get out quietly. 

you could hear corpse continuing his steam. tears were now going down your cheeks as you walked in your shared bedroom. 

you sat on the bed, with your legs folded to your chest as you have a mild panic attack. 

soon, after almost an hour or two of just crying, you knew your anxiety wouldn’t calm unless you slept, not knowing what to do without someone else helping you calm down. 

you laid in bed, tucking your legs into the duvet, almost cuddling into yourself. you felt extra drained with all the things that happened earlier. you soon fell asleep, crying. 

you don’t often struggle with sleep, but when you do, it’s usually hard to take care of. these were one of those days. 

you woke up only a couple of hours later, not even making it into the AM.

you sat on the bed, rethinking about what happened. although you were very tired and in need of sleep, your brain worked perfectly fine after that screaming fest.

you got up and stood in front of corpse’ streaming room, trying to listen in whatever is happening inside. 

“i just need a little break for her, that’s all, i didn’t mean to lash out.” you heard him say. 

he’s probably on the phone with someone. 

“i don’t even think i want this relationship anymore. it’s just so hard, she has her problems too, i can’t handle mine and hers.” he continues. 

you ceased all your movements. you were thinking of talking it out but now you weren’t so sure he even wanted that. 

it took you approximately three seconds to think through what you should do. 

you weren’t one to make rash decisions but you knew for sure that you just had to leave. for good. 

you walked back into your shared bedroom and carefully and quietly packed all your things, making sure to not leave anything behind. lucky for you, you both hadn’t moved in together, you just spent your time here, more than your own apartment. 

you quietly walked to the front door of his apartment, grabbing your car keys. you stood in front of the door, sighing. 

this was it. 

finally, you left his apartment. 

-

CORPSE’S POV 

“- handle mine and hers.” i said. 

“you can’t say that, you know you appreciate her, she’s been there for you through all the major things, don’t be stupid over a small comment someone made about you guys.” sean, who i was on the phone with, told me. 

i sighed. 

“i know, but it just really messed my head up, you know.” i said to him. 

“i get it, but don’t put the blame on her. it’s already bad that you lashed out on her after she made food for you.” sean said. 

food. i’m kinda hungry now. 

the conversation lasted for a couple more minutes before i told him i was hungry and needed to eat. 

i walked out the streaming room, out to a weirdly cold living room. i brushed it off since it happens sometimes. maybe the heater broke. 

it was oddly quiet in the apartment, so i assumed she fell asleep. 

i walked into the kitchen to see two plates of food still sitting there, definitely untouched. 

i glance at the place she usually hangs her keys. 

it was gone. her shoes, gone. 

i walk in the bedroom and open all the cabinets where her clothes are usually in. they’re gone.

shit. 

-

YOUR POV

although it’s been a couple months since the whole “argument”, it never got better. 

but you’ve always been a tough cookie, not showing other people your feelings. you had always been good at that. 

valkyrae, one of your bestfriends, had made sure you were okay, knowing what went down. 

she visited you often, making sure you were okay.

remember the same day the argument happened, you met up with a creepy youtuber for a collab? yeah, well, he went on social media to call you some derogatory words. 

he even made a video saying you promised him sexual things after filming, which you couldn’t even believe came out of his mouth. 

lucky for you, your supporters never ceased to amaze you. they knew you were not that type of person, and even made sure his platform was taken away from him. 

that whole scandal wasn’t taking up your brain but corpse did. it seemed like he didn’t care at all. as if he was just waiting for the day you left his place for your own. 

that took a while to get over, and you were sure that you aren’t 100% over it, hence why rae has been helping you all along. 

only a couple weeks since the argument, you felt like you couldn’t stay in your apartment any longer. there was just too many memories of him in there. 

again, you knew you were lucky in the sense that you had the financials to move. 

this time, you moved to a house, since you needed a bigger space and you felt bad that every time your friends came over, they had to bunk in a small space you called your apartment.

rae and yourself got somehow super close with a lot of the offlinetv members. sykkuno, being one of them somehow clicked with you instantly after meeting. 

he and rae helped you move your things from your apartment to your house. 

it felt good saying that. house. not an apartment. not a place you pay rent anymore. 

you tried to get over the corpse thing, but deep down you knew your love for him would never disappear. he was one of a kind. and although he says he has many problems, you found that special about him. 

but what do you know. you can’t say much when feelings aren’t reciprocated. you understood that you were a handful but why did it have to hurt this bad. 

“hey, stop thinking about him.” sykkuno says, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“who?” you asked, acting dumb.

“you know who, it doesn’t take a genius to know.” he answers you. 

dang it, he caught it. 

you looked at sykkuno. you couldn’t help but think about it at times. although you’ve settled in your new place for a while now, no more memories of him, you just couldn’t help it. 

“come here.” sykkuno says, opening his arms out, reaching out to me. 

you went to his side on the couch, engulfed in his arms. he understood you. that’s what you loved about your friends. they all understood you. 

too busy cuddling up to sykkuno, you hadn’t heard a shutter of a camera from behind you. 

valkyrae giggled silently, glad she got a photo of you two. 

she posted it on her story, captioning it, “so proud of this girl right here for being so strong. also, aren’t these two so cute.” 

you didn’t see the photo until after dinner, once all of you are on the couch, watching the voice. 

“rae, what did you do?” you asked her when you saw your twitter blow up. 

“i have no clue what you’re talking about.” she tells me, acting innocent. 

i clicked on one of the photos on twitter that had been circulating. the moment i clicked on it, i saw a very familiar pair. sykkuno and i. 

“very funny, rae.” i laughed along with her, showing sykkuno what i just saw. 

you didn’t think much of it since you two are just friends but since you saw the amount of ‘ships’, you decided to post something on your instagram 

“guys, come here, let’s take a photo.” you told them two.

you quickly snapped a photo. you made sure none of you look too crazy in the photo. 

you posted the photo on your instagram and wrote “three friends, hanging out. they might kiss. they might :)” 

you showed rae and sykkuno before you posted it. 

sykkuno laughed before opening twitter and tweeting “they might kiss, they might.” 

you saw his tweet from over his shoulder. you high-fived him for going with the joke. 

obviously you two aren’t dating. if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t completely over corpse. you have admitted it to your two friends once in a confession night during a sleepover. 

but you couldn’t lie that you had a very very small crush on sykkuno once. like come on, he’s just so wholesome and sweet, you couldn’t help yourself. 

you were proud to say it too, he was your crush and he knew that. he is very proud to say that too. 

since the breakup, you’ve had a pretty good life.

yes, you moved in a house that you had already fully paid for but other than that, you proud to say you got a new car, amazing house renovations, made a lot more new friends who support you endlessly and you even got a cat as a companion to fill the void you have for staying at such a big house. 

-

CORPSE’S POV 

i’ve been miserable ever since. i see her everywhere on the internet. 

i know she has been better off without me. only an idiot couldn’t tell that. she made a lot of new friends, got a house, got a new car. 

i’ve seen them all. vogue interviewed her. and apparently she can sing too and she’s been singing in a lot of shows. 

it’s getting harder and harder to get her out of my head. 

why was i that stupid. stupid enough to think i was better off without her. 

now when i look at myself in the mirror i feel pathetic. dishes were left piling up in the kitchen, the beds are always unmade. 

i took her for granted. 

FLASHBACK 

shit. 

did she leave? 

a part of me says that this was the easy way to let her go. letting her go without actually letting go. 

i had been dreading to talk to her. but another part of me thinks i should go to her apartment and find her. discuss it with her. 

without realizing, tears rush down my cheeks. 

i wipe it quickly, not understanding my own feelings. why was i crying when i was the one who had wanted this in the first place? 

-

NOW

i regret the time i didn’t rush to find her. i didn’t know what i was thinking. why would i make such a rash decision like then when i knew damn well how well she treated me. 

why did i have to be such an ass?

i called sean that day. he scolded me for being so stupid. i agreed, but i still didn’t make an effort to find her. 

now that she lives somewhere else, i’m regretting it. i can’t ask rae or sykkuno, knowing that i’d just get scolded yet again. they are her bestfriends afterall. 

even since rae posted the pic of you and sykkuno in your living room, i felt jealous. but i had no right, not anymore. 

then i saw your instagram story, then sykkuno’s tweet. have you moved on already? 

was i too late?

you are happy now that i’m not. you are happy doing your own things, thriving and here i was, sitting on my bed, crying. 

i remember not even a day after she left, there was a huge scandal which included her in it. i was heartbroken and stupid, not knowing what to do with the fact that she left that i believed that stupid youtuber. 

sean called me an idiot, stupid enough to believe that she would do that to me when i damn well knew that she wasn’t that type of person. 

 i felt stupid now that i took her for granted, that i lost the chance to get her back into my arms. 

but she’s happy now. and that’s all that matters. even if it’s in another guys’ arms. 

PART 2