#it’s not comedy for me it’s Church

[overbearingstruggles]

Happy new Marc Maron special release day to those who celebrate

[hjemne]

Just finished trigun 98 and what the FUCK how could you possibly do this to me

[vonlipvig]

Ok, I'm assuming The Ritual movie is horror but seeing those two pictures of the actors made me think it was a comedy!

it's not a comedy? well, it should be!

[nygleskas]

have i ever shared the jermstone (ish) lore where after s1 ends and gideon leaves for haiti without fully explaining to me why (the 'why' is to atone for his sins of trying to blackmail his family which he Also kept from me 😭), i dye my hair (yknow black/pink) bc yknow. normal emo persons reaction after a "break up" (not even together at that point). idk i just think that's funny. oh and after he comes back and we reconnect and i hang out w his family again, pontius seeing me w dyed hair inspires him to start bleaching his hair (100% against his parents wishes btw). and we become friends yayy.

[sailforvalinor]

.

[katyspersonal]

Please share some fluffy headcanons about Brador and Laurence! 🥺 like that cute fanart you did.

I love this ship so much, you don't understand...

🩸 Laurence is 5'2'' (157 cm) and Brador is 6'1'' (185 cm). That's it, that's the headcanon. xd Big height difference kills me..... But also, sometimes Brador would lift up and hold Laurence when he is not tall enough to look in the eyes to whoever he is having a sass battle with ;-; xDDD (Also please validate my heights headcanons post ( x ). Initially he was gonna be 5'0'', but my friend said it was impossible to take seriously, so I had to elongate him a bit hdhfhdsfd)

🔒 Brador is apologizing and enabling Laurence to a, perhaps, unhealthy degree. He believes that everyone should know their place in this world, but for him Laurence is MEANT to shape history and do great things. He trusts in his methods and end goals completely, and will "stay by his cancelled boyfriend's side" no matter what Laurence does. Hell- If someone manages to interest Brador past Laurence being gone, liking Laurence will be the demand for dating Brador. You can't forgive some of the shit he did "for the betterment of humanity"? SHRUUUUGGG.

🩸 Okay, okay, sorry for going the dark side when we are talking specifically about 'fluffy' things. That's just how Brador is. xd But yes, he will often follow Laurence like a shadow, stand near him and scare anyone that tries to argue with Laurence with his glare. In fact, most people do not even know he is an assassin, simply assuming he is one of the most frequently seen bodyguards of Laurence. You've also seen that I give Brador a big cool cape in the era before he got the cleric beast hyde, but Brador will often try to get Laurence under his cape in an attempt to keep him even 'more' warm and safe- especially when they are walking on a chilly day. It embarrasses Laurence a little, being seen on public coddled by his "servant" (as far as society is aware) like that. He is the high-ranking holy figure! But he never denies Brador in doing this.

🔒 In the case of other displays of reverence/affection/both on public, like kissing his hand, complimenting him a bit too much, fixing his hair and kissing his forehead afterwards, etc Laurence is not really shy. On the contrary - if some people DO give the 'hmmm is that appropriate for the holy figure and some gremlin that just body guards him tho?' look, Laurence will simply smugly comment that they should watch this and learn how he SHOULD be treated xd

🩸 When Laurence is feeling tense, nervous, guilty or straight up scared (yes, shockingly, that can happen), and Brador is near - he will hold his hand tight, often not even realising it. It makes Brador melt, though, no matter what situation prompted that.

🔒 There would actually be a long period of Laurence not even realizing Brador's true feelings towards him, thinking that they are just close friends and Brador's constant gestures of affection, gifts, kisses, protectiveness etc were just a normal thing. Me and Val are joking that he is blind to all this, yet when Ludwig as much as distracts for like 2 seconds from his precious sword to look at him - that toooootally means he's secretly in love for him dsfhhfds There is a lot of humour we both added about this ship, but on a more serious note, you could tell that Laurence has been taking Brador for granted...? Brador would have to actually step over his passive, obedient simping and get assertive just once, to make Laurence reflect on their past and UNDERSTAND already. He'd feel guilty for it, but it would actually be worth it... When Laurence would be forced to reflect on their past, it would hit him how loyal, trustworthy and unwavering Brador has been, how many things they've shared, and he would just.. Figure out maybe he loves him too? Maybe suddenly developing feelings based on how much a person loves him and how much he did for him, rather than on who he 'is' is a bit questionable, but the way Kris put such things - "how much person is willing to do for someone they love can also indicate their personality, so it is not the shallow attraction that you assume it is" ...maybe? And in any case, they would be happy together regardless, and this is what counts.

🩸 They were hugging and kissing even before actual relationship, though! Simply because Laurence did not even know how to kiss and had no partner before Byrgenwerth era (ie before meeting Brador that was around there).. so he asked Brador to assist him in practising how to do that as a close friend.

🔒 Laurence often sits on Brador's lap, while they're looking through documents, reports etc together and discuss them.

🩸 @val-of-the-north mentioned that already, but we decided that in the Nightmare, Brador projects his phantom near Laurence's beast to "talk" to him ( x ), tricking himself into thinking that Laurence still can understand his words. It is bittersweet, yeah. Also, if whatever curious hunter closing in on Church's secrets happens to have hair or eyes similar to Laurence's when he was a human, Brador will actually sob and hold his victim with varying levels of talking detached from reality - from asking to just 'let him have it a bit longer' to straight up saying 'I thought I've lost you forever'. Before inevitably killing them, that's it, but he is depressed as fuck past the point of having to mercy-kill Laurence himself.

🔒 Eh, I told you that Laurence starts wearing a crown after Cainhurst falls (he had crown in cut content, actual name of Sage's Hair item is 'Skull of a Saint', Church replaces monarchy's authority, etc ( x )). Past that period, Laurence always keeps the crown on during........ things. Brador loooooves it, though. Yeah it is not as funny as 'Mensis Cage stays ON!', but still SOMEwhat funny in my opinion. x)

🩸 There were a few times Laurence would ask Brador to wear something he normally would not, like robes of Executioners or just high-ranking Clerics, simply because he would like to see how it looked on Brador. And one time when he asked Brador to shave his beard a bit and wear glasses. He actually found Brador with very short facial hair, glasses and in robes looking very hot. I wonder fucking why....... I reeeeeally wonder why is that, huh..... -_-"

🔒 Also, that headcanons post was sorta ancient, but still relevant I think? That Brador actually secretly has a great taste and artistic skills, and he was the one to design the sigil used on Healing Church's holy shawl, and has been helping with the outfits designs enough. Not to mention being inventive no less than Gehrman with tools and weapons. Laurence reposted it with credit to the original artist, of course, but he really appreciates his talent.

🩸 Brador has quite an amount of scars on his body from having been stabbing himself with the Bloodletter, that Laurence likes to kiss good whenever he can spot new ones appeared. Also, because of the specifics of Brador's weapon, he of course has quite the iron-deficiency. Hmmm ok like, you know how an old lady will see you being too thin and gasp at how malnourished you are and insist on feeding you 5000 homemade meals? Laurence is like this but with seeing how Brador clearly needs to consume more blood, straight up going green from losing too much of it xddd He will basically insist on giving him more blood like a tea in his concern.

_______________________

Okay, look, I really tried to make it fluffy and cute, but I don't know how xd They are somewhat hard to take seriously because they are SILLY! They also love being haters together about some people within the Healing Church they're not particularly in kahoots with, or about 'antagonists' (like Caryll or some of the particularly distrustful Old Hunters Gehrman was not able to talk). And they just love doing SILLY things!

Thank you for the ask, though. However.....

Please just pause a little bit fdshfhds-

[pocketramblr]

Just remembered that Kalak led the whole sons of honor thing hoping they'd create a way for him to escape the solar system, which Amaran was a part of, making him just a means to an end being used by his "betters" wearing a title of judge and man it's a shame he never got to suffer knowing that

[noridal]

"Sir, I think I found the perfect candidates for our research team"

"..."

"is something wrong, sir?"

"Ahr ya djowkin, cownseluh? Deez kids muhsd be tahn!"

"Actually, sir, I'm twelve"

"Houw abuht duh otha wan?"

"..."

"Actually, he doesn't speak that much"

"Ah see"

"If I'm allowed to say a word, sir, these two... 'Kids' have already proven their skills in more than one occasion. Their sister witnessed what they're capable of, they built incredible machines and are brilliant scientists and engineers, let alone they've done all of that in their backyard. If given the proper resources, I think they could fix our... AI problem in less than a weekend"

"Weealle?"

"I'm not prone to exaggeration, sir"

"Uhr'n't ya twoo uh beeht tuh yahng fuh dees?"

"Yes, we are. Hey Ferb, where's Perry?"

🎶Doo bee Doo bee Doo bah Doo bee Doo bee Doo bah Doo🎶

"Agent P, we have terrible news. Heinz Doofenschmirtz has joined a certain Project Freelancer, which grants him access to highly trained agents and other military personnel he may use to gain control of the three-state area. Your mission is to find out what he's brewing and prevent his plan from happening.

You'll be going undercover as Agent Pennsylvania"

[bebx]

[magentagalaxies]

currently writing comedy monologues that involve shit like a character getting stressed about having to plan a funeral orgy or taking out their packer from their pants except its a plastic recorder and playing pop goes the weasel on it and i just remembered that the pastor of the church i used to attend as a child is subscribed to my youtube channel so this might be why i never get around to posting much lmao

[maerynaire]

I think I could vaporize the pope on the spot by telling him I was baptized at 5 years old with a bunch of other kids in an above-ground swimming pool outdoors with a little plastic bottle of water from the jordan river mixed into the heavily chlorinated water by a pastor wearing an open hawaiian shirt

[pigeonliker420]

everyones obsessed with the idea of this guy being some secret obsessive freak and while you know what they say about men who want to save everyone they meet i think itd be incredibly funny if he did just turn out to be a normal guy

[driftwooddestiel]

since my recent sudden remembering of studio c and adjacent ive learnt way more about mormonism than i would ever expect to know

[jimflanigan]

A Divine Resolution

I fulfilled my Sunday obligation and a New Year’s resolution for week #2 of 2024 by going to church on Sunday. While going to church is not something new or unusual per my New Year’s resolution, going to an Episcopal Church is. We had no idea what to expect other than it is located directly across the street from the Lutheran church we had recently abandoned because of the congregation’s…

[avocado-writing]

little horny Logan x reader thing. set after the events of deadpool + wolverine. may turn this into something longer one day

tw: alcoholism, AA meetings

rating: explicit

You are two broken people attempting to piece each other back together. 

It feels like a fruitless task sometimes; a Sisyphean boulder, both of you trying to rebuild a heart which has been shattered so many times it can hardly hold love any more. 

But then there are those moments that shine through. You ask him not to smoke, he puts his cigar away. You stop off at the corner store to grab a six-pack, he reminds you that you just got your one year token. 

You met him at AA of course, he was the new guy who had his walls up, you were the old-timer of the group who kept trying not to relapse. Alchohol had taken a lot from you and you didn’t want to let it take any more. Pushing back against it felt impossible but hey, one step at a time. 

Those groups, tucked away in a church basement - buried in the ground as if to, ironically, avert the eyes of god - were your lifeline for a long while. 

After trying to strike up conversation with him, you assumed he hated you. Maybe he was just that brisk with everyone, never sharing at meetings or sticking around to talk after. But then one night he found you about to go into a bar because you were so fucking stressed and a glass of whiskey sounded so so good, and all gruffness and flannel he’d managed to talk you out of it. He’d bought you a coffee and managed to wring out of you that your landlord was pressuring you for money you didn’t have, and you’d rather spend your last twenty dollars on something which made you feel good than try and meet a rent which kept skyrocketing. 

Logan had looked at you, levelly, and told you he’d speak to the guy for you. 

You got a text the next day from your landlord to say that your rent wouldn’t be increasing and, actually, would be going down considerably instead. 

And it was the start of… something. Something strange and fragile, but it was there. You walked his roommates’s dog with him, the weirdest little fucking thing you’d ever seen but quite affectionate despite her bug-eyes and lolling tongue, and Logan was the softest you’d ever seen him when he carried her in his arms when she plopped down on the sidewalk and refused to move any more. 

He fell off the wagon a lot, but that was okay. Recovery wasn’t a straight line, that was something you knew all too well. He was a struggling man and he was trying. To attempt to keep him away from the bottle you’d invite him round practically every night to watch a movie. Action flicks, sappy romances, stupid comedies, the two of you got through them all, and every night you got closer and closer on your beaten-up old couch until he finally fucking kissed you. 

He pulled you into his lap and you felt him get hard in a way which suggested he hadn’t been this close to someone for a long time. His tongue was hot, his hands rough, and you palmed him through his jeans until he came like the two of you were teenagers messing around for the first time. 

You were worried afterwards that you’d scared him off by being too forward, but you got a text asking if you were on for a movie that night. 

It got to the start of the second act before it was forgotten about entirely, your jeans thrown over the end table where you kept the popcorn as he fucked you with his mouth. You tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled until he grunted in satisfaction. Afterwards, his lips and beard were glistening with you. You tasted your orgasm on his tongue as you kissed. 

The night after, you were on your knees between his thighs, his cock buried in your throat and his grip practically tearing your pillows to shreds. 

“You can grab onto me, you know,” you’d whispered, spit dripping down your chin, slightly concerned for your sofa’s upholstery. Logan had stared at you like you’d hung the fucking stars. 

“Yeah, fuck. Okay, baby.”

He dragged you up and down the length of him, fingers against your scalp, and he came so hard that you couldn’t swallow it all. 

Things just… progressed. 

It wasn’t perfect. The two of you were finding your feet again in a confusing and hostile world. But you had each other, and that was a hell of a lot more than most people had. When you fucked, when you felt him slide inside you in a way which made you feel more full than you ever had before, the way his whispered your name like a little prayer and you were his god, all of it… just fucking perfect. 

But the best part was always after. When you were in the hazy glow, cheek against his chest, feeling his heart beating steadily at the comfort of having you pressed up at his side. 

Well. 

You made each other’s worlds brighter.

[keepthedelta]

I feel like the F1 film should be a comedy not whatever it is at the moment

for me, i think if you're going to do a serious f1 film, and make it dramatic etc. etc. you should probably respect the sport enough to make it even semi-accurate which they clearly haven't done. and if you're not going to respect the sport enough to make it accurate then you should lean into the absurdist humour inherent in f1.

because this is, objectively, a ridiculous sport. one of the sports oldest and most historic teams is essentially a genuine competitor to the catholic church in terms of italian devotion, and another uses excel to keep track of car parts. one time the drivers went on strike and slept together in a banquet hall filled with mattresses and played piano and made mpreg jokes. some of f1's most iconic figures have played characters in asterix or cars. drivers have thrown juice all over each other during a press conference, and showed up in helicopters to wake each other up in the morning. one of the most dominant forces in modern f1 is an energy drink company. multiple current drivers have instagrams for their pets where they pretend their pets can talk. drivers have shown up to track walks in their pyjamas to protest the early hour and then found out that the track was still being resurfaced. one driver once tried to push his car over the finish line and then fainted from heat exhaustion. it literally used to be run by an evil goblin and the son of a famous british fascist. one time a diamond was glued to the nose of a car for a pr stunt and then the driver crashed and the diamond was never found again. one time one of the most famous and successful drivers of all time got kidnapped and held hostage by cuban revolutionaries, which mostly consisted of him being taken to dinner and signing autographs, and afterwards he was very positive about them. it's just a ridiculous sport in so many ways and a filmmaker could do so much with it if they were willing to lean into that, rather than trying to let brad pitt live out his inane fantasies