#it’s moments where I give other people art where I realize I can’t draw

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @jdebbiel

Deb JJ Lee is a non-binary Korean artist based in Brooklyn, NY. They have appeared in the New Yorker, New York Times, NPR, Google, Radiolab, and more. Their award-winning graphic memoir, IN LIMBO, about mental illness and difficult relationships with trauma, released in March 2023 from First Second.

Below is our interview with Deb!

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

That implies I am over my art block, but I’m still in it! I think about Kiki’s Delivery Service a lot and how she had to stop doing a thing, and that you can’t really force it, and you have to let it come back to you. It’s a pretty humbling moment, realizing there is more to life than just drawing. I’ve been trying to consume other content like reading or watching movies—anything that is not drawing-related—and to trust that it will come back to me. I think not being afraid to do the small pieces before committing to the big pieces is helpful. Because big pieces are what I am known for, I dig myself into a deeper hole, thinking that each piece has to be bigger than the last one. So yeah! Relaxing and doing the small things before overcommitting to a big piece is the best way to go about it for me.

Which 3 famous artists (dead or alive) would you invite to your dinner party?

I feel like these are all artists that I have second-degree connections with! Jillian Tamaki, Victo Ngai, and Tillie Walden would be my picks!

What are your file name conventions?

…What file name conventions? I mean, I don’t have specific file name conventions, but I actually have a public Google Drive archive! But I usually put “djjl_whatever-the-title-is_final,” and I would always know it’s the final and legit version.

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

I did an illustration for the whiskey brand Johnnie Walker. It’s so wild because I only had four days to finish it, and it usually takes me a week and a half if I rush. And honestly, it’s probably one of my best pieces from this year, which is funny. It was for the Mid-Autumn festival, so I made it as Korean as possible.

How has technology changed the way you approach your work?

I only use my iPad to draw everything now, and if I want to pretend that I have a steady workstation, I’ll use my Cintiq. I still am not as comfortable on the Cintiq as I am on Procreate, but it’s still pretty solid and nice. That’s the good part about technology. The bad part about technology is how AI art has been messing things up for me. I’m currently in a lawsuit about AI art as a class rep. Some of my stuff got turned into AI art late last year, so I have to give a deposition at some point. 

What is a convention experience that has stuck with you?

Honestly, they’re all good! I feel like Lightbox Expo has been really nice because it’s truly been a convention for artists. I feel like that’s where most of my audience is, and they’re all around because their purpose is to be better at art. That’s where a lot of original artists do well because they’re getting art they’re inspired by, not so much fanart. I like the Lightbox Expo because it encompasses the pure love of art very well. 

Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?

Use a Y axis, not just your X axis! Take advantage of it! Branding is also something to think about. It is definitely something I’m getting better at. Having an assistant is also very important. I’ve also heard that 8.5x11 to 12x18 inches is usually a good size for prints, but I also provide postcard-sized prints because sometimes people don’t want to commit to a larger size. 

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

You know this is so funny. I’ve been following @alicexz for over a decade on Tumblr and other platforms. I’ve followed her work since high school, and we’ve only recently become peers. I found her, and we met for the first time in real life, and she recognized me. And then I found all my drawings from when I was in my Alice phase, back in high school, and I was like, “Yo, this is when I was trying to be you so badly!” and she was cracking up and was like “Wow, this is so good!” It was such a sweet moment. I wanted to take a picture of her holding my drawing up. It’s really nice because now we’re peers.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Deb! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jdebbiel.

[water-to-drink]

How They Became Attracted to You

(Characters): Al haitham, Ayaka, Kaeya, Chiori

(Synopsis): First meetings with the most popular or influential students at the academy

(Tags/Warnings): gn!reader, reader is an artist, school au, reader is a transfer student, possible ooc Chiori, (if I missed something lmk)

(Word Count): 1.4k

(A/n): If you all like this then I’ll make a part two, just tell me which characters you want to see

🦅Al haitham🦅

🦅 The first and only one to best him in a test, a geometry test to be specific. He only came in at 99% while you come in at a perfect 100%

🦅 At first refused to believe that a mere art nerd could get a better score than him and so with as much delicacy as a bull in a china shop Al haitham came up to you and asked you how you got your score

🦅 Being randomly approached by the school’s smartest student you were very nervous and told him that you just did what you learned from class. Seeing that you won’t give him the answer he asks for you to tutor him which you agreed to go it, mostly because you were very nervous under his sharp gaze

🦅 While tutoring it became apparent that you sucked at explaining things to him, don’t get him wrong he already knows the material he just wants to know how and why you got a 100. As these sessions went Al haitham saw how your hands would glide across the paper, the delicacy almost amazed him

🦅 Slowly but surely Al haitham realized that there was more to your shy exterior. You were sassy and quick witted, you could even match his intellect on many topics, he finds himself feeling that he on an equal level with you.

🦅 Now he looks forward to your tutoring sessions, recently you two won’t do any tutoring just do your homework and talk about anything on your mind, the same mind that he finds so interesting and beautiful

🪭Ayaka Kamisato 🪭

🪭 The two of you have seen each other in the hallway before and after classes. She would always see you with a sketchbook in your hands or drawing in it. You didn’t take up too much real estate in her mind, the poor girl has too much going on as the daughter of the Kamisato family. That was until one day where Ayaka was leaving cram school and her chauffeur was stuck in traffic, she was approached by an older man

“What’s a girl like you doing out so late?”

“I’m leaving cram school, sir.”

“Cram school? You kids work so hard, I can show you a good time.”

“Uh, no thank you, sir.”

“C’mon, don’t be so stuck up, live a little-”

“What’s the problem?!”

🪭 There you are, yelling at the top of your lungs, she can tell that you’re scared but you still yell drawing more attention to yourself and the creep in question. Once a lot of people are watching the scene the creep walks off leaving you and her alone

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am. I’m sorry that you had to step in.” Ayaka bows her head

“Don’t worry, I saw that you were uncomfortable so I decided to step in. See you around.” You waved goodbye as you walked off and her chauffeur pulled up

🪭 Later Ayaka came to learn that you didn’t know of the prestige that came with the Kamisato name. You came up and scared off the guy of your own volition, thinking that she was just an ordinary girl who needed to be rescued and that is what she’ll continue being to you

🪭 It wouldn’t be hard since you two are in different grades, you being her senior by a year. You would both meet up in a quiet cafe you work at, she learned that it was your family’s business and work there to help your family and to earn some pocket money. The two of you got so close that you even let her look through your sketchbook and Ayaka was amazed by your skills

🪭 When you offered to draw a portrait of her she jumped at the offer. So one day at your family’s cafe you presented her a drawing of her. You drew her as a swordswoman dressed in traditional Inazuman clothing and armor, she profusely thanked you and framed it the moment she got home

🪭 There are some nights where if she can’t sleep mainly because of nerves she’ll take your drawing and look at it, thinking about you would quell her anxiety and give her the best of dreams. Just don’t tell her brother, she’s afraid he’ll scare you off

❄️Kaeya❄️

❄️ Is the complete opposite of his adopted brother, he’s known as the school’s flirt and a total playboy. He makes girls and guys alike go head over heels for him, and you, the new transfer student, is on his radar

❄️ He lives for making innocent things like you into a flustered little mess. So when he sauntered over to you and threw his usual flirty remarks, he wasn’t met with a sheepish face nor an oblivious one. No he was met with a look of disgust

❄️ Without saying anything you walked away from him, leaving him bewildered. Did he do something wrong? Everyone falls for him. Refusing to take this laying down Kaeya decides to find out why weren’t you under his spell

❄️ And so he began to make an attempt to learn more about you, your likes and your dislikes, or your hobbies. At first you would just ignore him when he would try to strike up a conversation and after a few weeks he decided to make a deal with you

“Are you serious?” You asked

“Dead serious. We’ll act as friends and if you still can’t stand me in 2 months, then we’ll stop. Does that sound good?”

“Only if you promise to leave me alone after?”

“If you still can’t stand me.” Kaeya threw his signature smirk

“Ugh fine! But no flirting!”

“I make no promises~”

❄️ The two of you tried to act as friends, before it was awkward but soon you got used to his presence and you slowly began to come out of your shell, finally showing your true colors after about 3 weeks of “friendship”

❄️ Kaeya finds himself laughing at your jokes, actually laughing and not the fake laugh he would do when he’s trying to fuck somebody. Now Kaeya’s heart thumps whenever you would laugh at something or wave at him in the hallway. Oh gods, is he in love?!

❄️ He wishes he didn’t have the reputation he has, he wants more than your body, he wants your heart

🪡Chiori🪡

🪡 The president of the sewing club. Chiori and her club members have made various designs, many of them for the theater group whenever they’re putting on a performance. However the best designers have their slow movements, not being able to come up with any designs that are up to their standards. That is what plaguing Chiori

🪡 One day she finds a random sketchbook in the sewing club. Curiosity getting the best of the young seamstress she flips through the book, there she sees the most beautiful character designs, the obvious inspiration from big names like Chanel, Gucci, and Thierry Mugler, but the person who made these designs are unique to them. It all gives Chiori a surge of inspiration

🪡 Immediately she opens up her own sketchbook and begins drafting up some designs, some are amazing but others don’t compare to the designs in the mysterious sketchbook she found. She must find the person who made this

🪡 She hears the door opening and when she turns her head, she sees you looking a bit embarrassed.

“Uh, I left my sketchbook here, have you seen it?”

“Yes, I have.” Chiori picks up the book and hands it to you. “I looked through it.”

“Wait, what?!”

“And I like what I saw, can I make the designs in this book?”

🪡 So every Tuesday you would go to the sewing club and let Chiori bring life to your designs, the two of you would talk about various fashion styles and designers. Chiori is very impressed by your vast knowledge on how different styles and cultures arose, she might even say it rivals her knowledge (but she won’t)

🪡 The more time you two spend together the more Chiori likes you, she would look forward to your presence right next to her talking her ear off about your characters as she worked. Normally she would play music but the sound of you rambling is more than enough for her

🪡 In the privacy of her room Chiori would often find herself drawing up designs for wedding garments for her and yours wedding, she can’t wait for the day you to call her “my wife”

[reveriememory]

⭐️ °. • Thank You Neil • .° ⭐️

I pushed myself to finish this in time, and I did! I met Neil, and gave him a physical copy. Till this day, I just freak out when I remember… I really admire him! I’ll talk about that and this art piece after the Read More if you’d like to hear about that.

This art piece started in October, last year as an Astarion fan piece, but overtime I realized I wanted to do something more meaningful. I’ve known of Neil since DBH, so why not create something for him? So I added in Neil, and then I left it alone for months. Didn’t really think anything of it since usually all my art follows this treatment. I focus on it for a whole two weeks and then it fades into the background. However, I got word that Neil was coming to my area, and that’s when I started freaking out. Like, oh my god, I need to finish this… can I give this to him? I’ve never gone to a convention before… what am I gonna do?

So I kept debating to finish this, because I didn’t know what was allowed, and if I could even finish in time, how would I even print this? I mean, I can just finish it at my own pace and tag him or something. In the end, I decided that it’s more important to me to get it to him in person, that way I can also get my copy signed. I had to plan this all out, and long story short, I rushed it in a week. I pulled two all-nighters, and just REALLY rushed on poor Gavin in the background. Gavin was actually a last minute decision! I would’ve added Kamski, but he’s literally just a face copy of Neil so I decided against that, and Gavin was the close second. The reason I chose DBH was because that’s where I first discovered Neil. I was a fan of this game when it first released. Heisenberg was another option, but I never got to his part of the game so I felt it wasn’t a good pick since I was going under personal limitations. Not to mention, really low on time. However, I added some references on the wall, specifically the ones where it was games that I had played! I could’ve added more, but again- time. I drew them in a motion capture studio, because I envision Neil practicing and performing with the characters he had worked on. I just felt like It was a cute little idea, and I admire Neil for his motion capture the most. It’s something I’m trying to get into, or some form of it at least.

Then. The Day.

AHHHHHH. I was starstruck. I’m just going to sum it up and talk about this specific moment. I’m next in line and I just blurt out, “I’m trying really hard not to get starstruck!” But I’m already shaky and half my memory gone. I was so anxious, trying to get through the moment that I didn’t really get to enjoy the moment, but man, am I still happy. I tell him about the piece and he’s like oh, what have you been working on? The drawing got jammed in its protector, so I was just struggling with it. “OH, sorry, it’s stuck!” And he thankfully found it funny. Gave it to him, got my copy signed and perfect. But AHHHH, I’m anxious right? I ask him if he could sign the back of it, because I was worried I’d cringe at the piece in the future. I normally don’t call my art cringe but why, why was I THAT honest—

He’s so quick to reply, super sweet man, just tells me no, don’t cringe. He also asked me about my focus in motion capture, but that’s another post for another day. I have something in the works for that!

Look, in my defense! I RUSHED the piece, so I knew I’d get a bit irritated in the future seeing my art and knowing I had the time to really do a beautiful job! I just meant that knowing how much potential I had, had I taken advantage of that, it would have turned out so much… not better, but to my liking. I’m content, considering the limitations, but… y’know? Anyways, I still wanted to look at his signature and proudly display that, like aye, I got to meet him!

Considering that I rarely draw real people, I’m definitely proud with how Neil turned out. Just like Neil told me, and many others, can’t be too harsh with myself. When working on this, I was super excited and actually thrived while working on it. Yes, under pressure, but dedicated. I can’t remember the last time I ever fixated on an art piece like this. With that said, I definitely want to try again in the future and get better at drawing semi-realism. And Neil is coming back to my area next year so… ideas.

Anyways, thank you for reading my little journal entry! Back to work I go~

[writin-with-the-blues]

can you please write more of the blu medic x red mercs but the rest of red team finds out?? Like the red merc walks into base and the rest of the team is like "um hey what the HELL you have a crush on a BLU!?!?!?" (If you can't do this scenario for all the mercs can you do it for pyro, engineer, and scout please) thank you!!! Sorry If this request is alot.

Oh absolutely I can do this! Sorry if updates have been slow, finals has been killing me and this seemed the easiest to post. (I feel like I am always writing Pyro wrong LMAO).

OG Post Here

Right person, Wrong side

Pyro, Engineer, and Scout x Male!Blue Medic! Reader (Romantic)

Pyro:

They are probably the most interesting when it comes to you.

They tried to talk about you to the rest of the Mercenaries actually. However, since most of them can’t here them, they brush it off as utter nonsense. Except for one particular person.

Miss Pauling.

It was over a phone call, since pyro was in their room, they didn’t feel the need to put on a mask. It had to do with a contract killing you in particular and they rejected it. Miss Pauling inquired further about it, she was simply told, “Oh they didn’t tell you? I love him.”

“You can fall in love?”

Okay, ow, that hurt. But that one conversation with Miss Pauling somehow got spread around the entirety of Red Team. Though, it isn’t really a case of, ‘They are in love with blue team’ but a case of, ‘They can love?!’

Overall, it went alright. Though it did show how people felt about their cognitive abilities.

Engineer:

Ah yes, Dell, the man with more PHD’s than fingers of the Mercs have after a fight. He got caught because of an invention.

I am a firm believer that Dell’s love languages are Gift Giving and Acts of Service. He adores the moments when you just look so happy and excited, so keeping the stressful moments to a minimum with his inventions or hell just giving you a cup of coffee is something he thinks about a little too much.

So when he finds out that your medigun isn’t working as well as it should be, he immediately gets to solutions for you. It wasn’t like you asked though, since you didn’t even know something was wrong with your medigun in the first place but the nozzle doesn’t have the same range as it used to.

Though, his teams medic assumed it was for him until the very quick realization that it did absolutely nothing for his medigun. Which immediately was brought with accusations of being a spy and betraying the team.

To tell you it was ugly would be an understatement. To the point where his only defense is that he loved you. So he just simply said that. Did it resolve his issues with spy accusations? Yes. But it created a whole new problem.

Now there’s a bit of pressure from the rest of the team to just, ‘Snap out of it’ but he doesn’t. As much as he lies through his teeth, and as much as he tries to ignore it, he can’t. I mean, he’s a full grown man dammit, who cares?

Scout:

If you were to ask me how he even gotten himself in this situation, I’d say the many doodles he has of you.

He has a somewhat (very) crass way of expressing his feelings when using his sketchbook. Everything he feels about you just drawn out, kissing, hugging, other things a 20 year old with art abilities draws.

The first person to find these sketches of you is Spy. His first thoughts follow the beat of, ‘This is really good anatomy.’ To ‘Is that the enemy medic?’

Spy tried to use it as leverage against Scout. Once Scout realized what had happened, he almost immediately decided to tell every red merc on his own terms.

It’s the most Jeremy thing he could do, but I genuinely believe he’d do it. Though it goes as well as you expect it to. Which is not great.

To sum it up, there were so many argument over it. Whether it is justified or not, but most were in agreement that they knew they can’t change his feelings about you.

Masterlist

[smallishzine]

Just a small heads up, if you include shipping you may wanna make it clear that there are ships and what ships are there. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with shipping, especially since I’ve seen people say Joel thinks it’s a bit weird to be shipped with anyone other than Lizzie (needs to be fact checked, this is just what I’m seeing in boat boys comment sections). Maybe consider making the ship stuff a separate section or just telling people in advance (pinned post, bio, anywhere clear works) that it includes shipping so those who don’t like it can walk away.

important info about the zine plz read even if you didn’t send the ask:

thank you for the heads up! We’re about to get super rambly and vaguely off topic but we promise all your points get addressed. This is actually a great opportunity to clarify, because I realized I didn’t explain myself particularly clearly, if some one does choose to include shipping, its all going to have to be subtext (as always except for shadowbeans whose alternate ship name I still refuse to use), but that is for non-canon ships. Regardless of how people feel about it, c!Joel and c!Jimmy did in fact kiss in Real Life smp, and c!Joel and c!Sausage did in fact have a child together in esmp2, so we’re not gonna rewrite events. Basically when I say shipping in the context of this zine I mean taking relationships the c!Joel had with other people and creating moments that didn’t necessarily happen but feel plausible for the characters that are able to be interpreted as romantic as well as platonic. Also, everyone’s definition of ship art is different, so the level that I was thinking is pretty mild (and btw I’d like to interject here that this is not me dissing on shipping or ship art love shipping so much that I found a ship called the relation and I never left it, but I also know that people have all sorts of comfort levels with different things so this zine is going to be dry docked but I assure you that out there on my super secret personal blog we are very much lost at sea). Like, to give some examples of what would be okay versus not okay for the zine: kissing is pretty much off limits, honestly mostly because that’s a pretty boring zine piece, there’s nothing going on except the ship, but anything where any sort of romance is up to the interpretation, such as hugging, handholding, spending time with, these are all normal things, but also this can’t be the focus of the piece. Please no one just draw like Joel and someone hugging and call it a day. Implied shipping is allowed to feature in your piece, not be the main focus of it. That’s just not an interesting zine piece. Valid art/writing, still amazing stuff keep sharing it on the internet it’s very interesting, just not in the context of this zine. Anyway, you are correct about not everyone being comfortable with that stuff, so if any piece comes off as really shippy without violating the guidelines we’ll make sure to label it correctly, but also, I should make it clear, I’m really hoping that shipping doesn’t become the focus of this zine. It is a Joel zine, so Joel should remain the focus, and any shipping would be subtextual and not central to the zine. There are many great Joel ships out there with lovely content to consume, but that’s not really the focus of this zine. Also, that aside, if Joel doesn’t want his character (because we are talking about shipping cs here. Cc!Joel is a lovely person, but this zine is going to be in-character. Also while cc!Joel should absolutely be respected in what sort of fan content he wants people making about him, his character is, well, just that: a character. Its like saying you can’t ship two characters from an animated tv show because their irl voice actors aren’t comfortable being shipped. It’s just two different things) shipped with characters who don’t belong to his wife, he should probably stop making his c! kiss all those men. And have children with them. And send them love hearts in the mail. And call them babe. If he did it in canon it’s probably safe to say we’re good having them do it in fan content. But again shipping should be an extremely small part of the zine if it’s there at all and should be subtextual enough that even people who don’t ship can still positively engage with the zine!!! If it needs a warning, it’s probably too shippy.

also all this aside if I’m handling this wrong guys I’m sorry I’m only one person and it’s really stressful trying to please everybody I promise I’m trying my best but I just wanna get together with a bunch of other people who share this strange fascination with the bean man and make art and writing about it I don’t wanna get canceled or something I promise I’m trying my best. I’m really struggling to balance my love of creating shipping fan content and realizing that not everyone is comfortable with that and it’s really difficult and stressful I just can’t we all just draw and write what makes us happy I just want this to be a fun experience and being yelled at on the internet for drawing two characters who’s ccs aren’t in an irl relationship being something other than friends is not my definition of a good time. I’m not accusing you anon of doing anything like that the ask was very respectful but I’m worried this post will prompt less polite people to come and yell at me.

-mod Dinn

[mrakobulka]

I don’t normally share personal stuff on my socials as it makes me feel awkward talking about myself knowing people are here for my art, but I'm at a point where I need to let things off my chest and make some changes to how I go about my work. This is going to be a long rant.

I’ve been a commission artist for years and I cherish people trusting me with their characters and paying for my work. I set up rules for myself to ensure that I'm trustworthy, like prioritizing commissioned art over personal and completing each piece in a few weeks to a month. Despite having depression for several years, I’ve mostly managed to stick to those rules and felt proud about it, but it’s been increasingly hard to do so in the last few years due to my country’s politics and aggression. It became even harder now when personal matters got in the mix as well

Last October my grandpa suffered a stroke, which led to him passing in December. As if that wasn’t enough grief, around the time of his funeral I also found out that Marusya - my loyal feline companion for the last 19 years - is suffering from kidney failure. As I began adjusting to the new rhythm of life dictated by her condition, the universal cat distribution system decided not to wait for her passing and threw Anfisa my way - a stray that hid in the common hall of my apartment complex while temperatures outside went as low as -16C.

I know taking another pet when already struggling with a sick senior cat wasn’t the smartest move, but at first I planned to find Anfisa’s old owners or get her new ones. Unfortunately, the stray problem in my city is huge and I ended up keeping her as I couldn’t throw her back into the street. While I understood that taking care of a stray would bring more vet bills into my life, I felt confident at the time that I was financially able to handle it, but Anfisa brought with her a surprise pregnancy that I had to eliminate to avoid adding to the stray problem. In order to do that I had to dig into my savings.

Even though I still manage to juggle vet bills and my basic necessities, the last few months have been incredibly draining for me financially, mentally and physically. Taking care of my cats’ health, I’ve completely neglected my own and ended up having to deal with several medical issues that surfaced as a result of stress. On top of that, I’ve also completely neglected the need to create for my personal enjoyment, which has led to my mental health worsening as well. I felt like I couldn’t afford drawing for myself as vet bills kept piling up and I needed to take more and more work to manage while sticking to my rules and keeping my commissioners satisfied. 

I’m sharing all of this just to explain my current situation and the mindset I ended up being stuck in. I don’t want anyone to feel bad for giving me work as I wouldn’t be able to make it this far without the support you give me <3 Still, I realized that my own relationship with my art and my workflow became detrimental to my physical and mental health and, if anything, damaged my ability to complete commissioned work in time more than helping it. Add to that the infestation of genAI that’s been happening recently and the horrible algorithms killing engagement that slowly destroy my motivation to share my art at all (some of you might have noticed that I barely post on twitter now and completely neglect my other platforms).

With all that said, all I want to do is let people know that my commissioned work will be taking longer than usual to be completed for the foreseeable future as I don’t want to force myself to work on art in the moments when I’m struggling with either physical pain or mental turmoil. I would also like to ask you to be understanding if you see me post personal art, make adopts or take more commissioned work before yours is completed. Unfortunately my current circumstances demand emergency funds every now and then and I can’t help it + I need to take a breather every now and then. All I can promise is that I’ll never bite more than I can chew and will deliver everything I owe in due time.

I know this was a long read, but thank you if you stuck till the end and I hope my ranting won’t turn you off my artwork : ‘ D 

And to add some positivity to my rant, here's cat tax:

Calico one is Marusya and white/grey one is Anfisa

[bwabys-scenarios]

Hey I have a question.

Why are you mad that people are starting to become a little mad that your only writing for one person if your a hunter x hunter writer then I believe you should write for more than one person and don’t get upset when people start asking for character that they like and yes I know you write them for yourself but I do think if your growing an audience you should at least see what other people might wanna see too and you don’t have to do it of course it’s up to you I just think that you can’t be mad at people for asking.

(I’m not trying to come off as mean or rude) Sorry for asking

I get mad when people DEMAND I write for other characters and complain. I write for free, I don’t have to write for anything I don’t want to. And just imagine people complaining you don’t write for a character you honestly don’t like at the moment. That’s fucking annoying. Fanfiction authors are treated so poorly, when we are giving this content out freely.

I’m going to write what I want, and I honestly don’t owe anyone anything. I’m already nice enough to allow people to send requests, WHEN I DON’T HAVE TO! I could just permanently turn off requests if I wanted to, but I don’t!

It just feels like some people think I owe them. I don’t, you get to read my fanfiction for free. You can follow me or reblog, that’s nice, but that doesn’t mean you’re instantly owed content when you’re already being given free content. I take requests and I write what I want. Like I’ve literally written something with Illumi in it recently even though I said I’m not writing for him because I care about my fans.

I write for hxh, yeah, but just because I do doesn’t mean I have to write for every single character?? And idk if you just don’t realize this, but this is my personal blog where I can write whatever I want. People can CHOOSE to follow me if they want to, I’m not forcing them. I also won’t bend over backwards to please them. Idk why y’all expect fanfiction authors that already give y’all free shit to keep giving and giving.

Like I know not a lot of people write for HXH anymore, but you’re just going to push even more people out of the fandom by begging and being rude. I’ve honestly considered quitting writing on here because of how fucking AWFUL some people have been to me, all over fanfiction. Fanfiction writers are treated terribly, and I’m just about sick of it.

This is pretty much a final warning. Stop begging me for shit. I am already considering leaving because of the death threats and awful messages I’m getting, so the begging does not help.

Thank you, please have some common decency and treat fanfiction authors like they’re people. I write what I want, when I want.

If people harassed an artist saying to draw them free art because they already draw hxh stuff and they have a large audience so they need to draw more, that would be wrong, wouldn’t it? Don’t do the same thing to fanfiction writers.

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 4)

Links:

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

- - - - - - - - - -

I drag my pencil along my paper, trying my best to sketch out Captain Tristen's form. It feels good to be drawing again after all the work it took to move into the new apartment. There's nothing I'd rather be doing right now than drawing Stranded fan art.

A knock on my door catches my attention. I look up from my work to see Dad entering my room with a box tucked under his arm.

"What's that?" I ask, gesturing to the box.

"Just something you'll need for tomorrow," Dad says. "What's that?"

I race to cover my drawing of Captain Tristen with my hands, my face turning red. "Something that's not done yet," I say.

Dad chuckles, setting the box on my bed. 'Kaylin Finch' is scrawled across the side in permanent marker.

"But really," I protest. "What is that?"

"You'll just have to open it and find out," Dad says, giving the box a good pat. "I'll be in the other room if you need me." He heads for the door and exits before I get the chance to ask him anything else.

I put my sketchbook and my pencil aside to examine the box on my bed. Why would a box have my full name written on it? Could this be left over from the move? What could possibly be tomorrow that I'd need whatever is in this box for? And why was Dad so quick to leave me alone with this thing?

Peeking at the top of the box, I realize it isn't taped shut, and there are no mail markings. Where did Dad get this? I flip the top open and peer inside. A pair of loafers and a pair of tennis shoes sit atop two gray pieces of fabric. A smile creeps across my face and I let out a sigh of relief. Finally, I've got my uniform for the new school. I'd completely forgotten about orientation day happening tomorrow since we were so busy unpacking. I'm surprised Dad didn't forget, too.

I lift the shoes from their place in the box and examine one of the pieces of fabric underneath. Lifting it up and unfolding it, I find it's a pair of shorts. Must be for gym class. I set them aside and reach for the other piece of fabric in the box. I'm about to unfold what I'm certain is a skirt when the item underneath catches my eye.

Green?

I set the skirt aside. Ascend Human Academy's colors are blue and yellow. What could I possibly need that's green? Confused, I reach for the green fabric and lift it up. Unfolding it, I find it's a blazer.

A blazer?!

How could Dad have gotten the wrong color? Where'd this stuff come from, anyway?!

A golden patch to the right catches my eye. It's embroidered with a shiny, metallic thread. In the center of the patch is a blue circle, containing a set of three red triangles pointed downwards while a yellow circle floats atop each one. The symbol sort of resembles a flower. Or maybe people?

Below this icon is a single line of text embroidered over a faux folded ribbon.

'Pacific Deskmate High School.'

The blazer falls out of my shaking hands. A deskmate school?! There must be some kind of mistake!

I grab the blazer, jump off my bed, and race down the hall. I find Dad in the living room, sitting on the couch working with his laptop. He pushes up his glasses and looks up at me, smiling.

"So, did you open the box?" he asks.

"Dad," I say, holding up the blazer and pointing to the golden patch. "Why do I have a blazer for a deskmate school? I'm supposed to be going to Ascend, right?"

Dad frowns and turns away. He rests a hand on his chin and heaves a sigh.

"You see, Kaylin... there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

My insides do a somersault. This can't be happening!

Dad sets his laptop on the table and pats the spot on the couch next to him.

"Come on," he says. "Let's have a talk."

I stay in place for a moment before reluctantly moving towards the couch and plopping myself down in the spot next to Dad.

"I want you to know I've thought long and hard about this," Dad says, "and I ended up coming to the conclusion that stepping outside of your comfort zone and socializing with pertheans at school will be better for you than staying in an all-human school. The only reason I didn't want to pull you from your school before was because I knew that's where all your friends were going."

I cross my arms. All the friends I had at school either moved away from Maedri or transferred to other schools before stage four. I'm not gonna lie, making friends at a school like West Maedri Human Academy was pretty hard. At best, I made a few acquaintances, but most of the people there were snobs. Either way, up until this move, saying I have friends at school has been my one excuse to not be transferred to a public school where they start teaching humans and pertheans in the same classrooms in stage two. But a deskmate school? This is a thousand times worse!

Dad continues, "I regret not letting you have the opportunity to socialize with pertheans as often as you could have if you had just kept going to public school like you did in stage two. I believe I've actually done you a disservice, and for that, I'm sorry."

"A disservice?"

"Yes," Dad says, scooting a little closer. "Look at what not being around pertheans has done to you. You won't look at them, talk to them, or even stand anywhere near them."

"That's because—!"

"I know it's because you're afraid," Dad interrupts, "but your coping strategies are not helping, nor are they working for you. Don't you wish you could just get along with pertheans?"

I look to the floor. I suppose life would be easier if I could 'get along with pertheans,' but it would also be easier if everyone was the same size so we wouldn't have to worry about these things. Then everyone could live above ground together safely.

"I guess," I sigh. "But how is forcing myself to live in fear every day supposed to help me to get over it?"

"I know you're not going to 'get over it' that easily," Dad says. "But I do believe that with exposure and with time, things can get better. Don't you remember anything Mrs. Cherie taught you?"

"Mrs. Cherie?" I ask. Now that's a name I haven't heard in years.

"Mrs. Cherie! Your therapist after—"

"I remember Mrs. Cherie," I interrupt. "But I was too little to remember anything useful from those sessions. All I remember is playing board games."

"Well, then maybe you're due for another round of therapy." Dad puts an arm around my shoulder. "Kaylin, I wouldn't send you to this school if I didn't think it would be good for you. I'm sorry I lied to you about going to Ascend and transferring for work, but I really believe this is what's best for you and that it's going to help you."

I turn to Dad, eyes wide. "What do you mean you lied about transferring for work?"

Dad laughs nervously. "About that..."

"I thought your boss wanted you to transfer here because Chancelor is your hometown," I search his eyes for answers as the pieces start to come together in my mind.

Dad gazes out an artificial window we finally managed to get working this morning. He takes a deep breath, looks to the floor, and then looks back at me.

"I've wanted for you to go to a deskmate school for a long time now, but there weren't any nearby. So, as soon as the company started operating around Chancelor, I put in a request for a transfer."

"So that I could go to a deskmate school?" I ask, my brows twitching.

"Yeah," Dad says. "Although it's not just any deskmate school. This is the one I went to when I was your age," he smiles. "And my deskmate ended up becoming one of the co-principals."

Oh, great! Just what I need, an old friend of my dad's who might know about my fear as one of my new co-principals. What if word gets around that I have a fear? What will I do then?

"Kaylin," Dad says, "just trust me. You'll see this will be good for you. You're in good hands at Pacific."

"I don't want to be in anyone's hands," I protest.

"You know what I mean," Dad says, patting my shoulder.

My fists clench tightly. I stand up, clutching my new blazer, and walk back to my room, leaving Dad alone on the couch.

[k4zushi]

100 reasons to live.

to finish your goals

to conquer your fears

to see your family again

to see your Favorite artist live

to listen to music again

to experience a new culture

to make new friends

to inspire

to have your own children

to adopt your own pet

to make yourself proud

to meet your idols

to spend time with friends

to laugh until you cry

to feel tears of happiness

to eat your favorite food

to see your siblings grow

to pass school

to get tattoo

to smile until your cheeks hurt

to meet your internet friends

to find someone who loves you like you deserve

to eat ice cream on a hot day

to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

to see untouched snow in the morning

to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

to see stars light up the sky

to read a book that changes your life

to see the flowers in the spring

to see the leaves change from green to brown

to travel abroad

to learn a new language

to learn to draw

to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

Puppy kisses.

Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

Trampolines.

Ice cream.

Stargazing.

Cloud watching.

Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

Receiving thoughtful gifts.

“I saw this and thought of you."

The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

The relief you feel after crying.

Sunshine.

The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

Your future wedding.

Your favorite candy bar.

New clothes.

Witty puns.

Really good bread.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

The smell before and after it rains

The sound of rain against a rooftop.

The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

Trying out new recipes.

The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable. 64.Breakfast in bed.

Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

Pray (if you are religious)

Forgiveness.

Water balloon fights.

New books by your favorite authors.

Fireflies.

Birthdays.

Realizing that someone loves you.

Spending the day with someone like you.

Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

Joy and happiness in the little things.

The power to inspire others.

The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

Help protect the planet.

Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

Learn new things and develop new skills.

Create a legacy that will outlive you.

Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

Cuddles

Holding hands.

The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

Singing off key with your best friends.

Road trips.

Spontaneous adventures.

The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

Thunderstorms.

Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

The taste of your favorite food.

The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

The day when everything finally goes your way.

Compliments and praise.

to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

this was for everyone, i mean it, anyone who sees this, bc ily, i rlly do, and i hope you don’t even think about doing harsh things to yourself. take a break, drink some tea, have a hot bath, spend time with friends, just.. relax.

ilove this sm bc i just realized i haven’t been stargazing yet which rlly sucks bc it’s on my imaginary bucket list

[boomie-123]

100 reasons to live.

to make your parents proud

to conquer your fears

to see your family again

to see your Favorite artist live

to listen to music again

to experience a new culture

to make new friends

to inspire

to have your own children

to adopt your own pet

to make yourself proud

to meet your idols

to spend time with friends

to laugh until you cry

to feel tears of happiness

to eat your favorite food

to see your siblings grow

to pass school

to get tattoo

to smile until your cheeks hurt

to meet your internet friends

to find someone who loves you like you deserve

to eat ice cream on a hot day

to drink hot chocolate on a cold day

to see untouched snow in the morning

to see a sunset that sets the sky on fire

to see stars light up the sky

to read a book that changes your life

to see the flowers in the spring

to see the leaves change from green to brown

to travel abroad

to learn a new language

to learn to draw

to tell others your story in the hopes of helping them

Puppy kisses.

Baby kisses (the open mouthed kind when they smack their lips on your cheek).

Swear words and the release you feel when you say them.

Trampolines.

Ice cream.

Stargazing.

Cloud watching.

Taking a shower and then sleeping in clean sheets.

Receiving thoughtful gifts.

“I saw this and thought of you."

The feeling you get when someone you love says, “I love you."

The relief you feel after crying.

Sunshine.

The feeling you get when someone is listening to you/giving you their full attention.

Your future wedding.

Your favorite candy bar.

New clothes.

Witty puns.

Really good bread.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time.

Completing a milestone (aka going to college, graduating college, getting married, getting your dream job.)

The kind of dreams where you wake up and can’t stop smiling.

The smell before and after it rains

The sound of rain against a rooftop.

The feeling you get when you’re dancing.

The person (or people) that mean the most to you. Stay alive for them.

Trying out new recipes.

The feeling you get when your favorite song comes on the radio.

The rush you get when you step onto a stage.

You have to share your voice and talents and knowledge with the world because they are so valuable. 64.Breakfast in bed.

Getting a middle seat in the movie theater.

Breakfast for dinner (because it’s so much better at night than in the morning).

Pray (if you are religious)

Forgiveness.

Water balloon fights.

New books by your favorite authors.

Fireflies.

Birthdays.

Realizing that someone loves you.

Spending the day with someone like you.

Opportunity to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

Potential to learn, grow, and evolve as a person.

Joy and happiness in the little things.

The power to inspire others.

The ability to create art, music, and other forms of self-expression.

To explore different cultures, traditions, and ways of life.

Help protect the planet.

Experience the joys of parenthood and raise a family.

Learn new things and develop new skills.

Create a legacy that will outlive you.

Being wrapped up in a warm bed.

Cuddles

Holding hands.

The kind of hugs when you can feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

Singing off key with your best friends.

Road trips.

Spontaneous adventures.

The feeling of sand beneath your toes.

The feeling when the first ocean wave rolls up and envelops your toes and ankles and knees.

Thunderstorms.

Your first (or hundredth) trip to Disneyland.

The taste of your favorite food.

The child-like feeling you get on Christmas morning.

The day when everything finally goes your way.

Compliments and praise.

to look on this moment in 10 years time and realize you did it.

[queenfox352]

🔥💔Forbidden Attraction💔🔥

Chapter 1: 

"Hinata," Naruto said with a long pause, leaving an uncomfortable silence in the air. He stood there, fidgeting with the back of his neck and avoiding her gaze. "I'm sorry, Hinata, but I don't see us like that. Only as friends." He offered a sad smile to Hinata, who tried to hold back her tears. She nodded before turning away, not wanting to prolong her embarrassment.

"We can still be friends, right Hinata?" Naruto's voice trailed after her as she walked away. Hinata stopped but didn't turn around, her voice quivering as she tried to hold back her emotions. Her attempts were futile, and she began to break down. She started running, hoping to escape her pain.

"Hinata!" Naruto called after her, but it was too late. She had already reached the sanctuary of the school garden, where she leaned against the Sakura tree in the center. She breathed heavily as tears streamed down her face. Why couldn't he like her? She had loved him forever. It felt like her whole world was crumbling down, and she squatted down, trying to calm herself.

"Admiring the flowers again," a voice said, interrupting Hinata's tears. She quickly wiped them away before turning to see who it was. There stood Sakura Haruno, the girl who had won the heart of Hinata's ex-crush. Sakura had her hand on her hip, watching Hinata intently. Once she saw Hinata's face, her demeanor changed to concern. "Oh, you told him, didn't you?" she asked. A few more tears fell from Hinata's eyes, which she quickly wiped away before nodding at Sakura.

Sakura kneeled down beside Hinata, pulling her into a warm hug. "He's just a big idiot," she said before pulling back and looking Hinata in the face. "I mean, who wouldn't want to date Hinata Hyuga? You're the #1 rated hot girl in school." Hinata couldn't help but giggle at Sakura's words. Apparently, all the boys had voted on who was the hottest girl, and Hinata had won with Sakura coming in second.

"Here, give me your phone," Sakura said, grabbing Hinata's phone from her hands. Hinata watched as Sakura unlocked her phone and downloaded an app. "Tinder!" Hinata stuttered. "Isn't that for hookups?" she asked, blushing.

Sakura hummed in agreement before opening the app. "But," Hinata started to protest.

"No buts! You need a man, Hinata! And if that idiot can't see that you're perfect for him, you just gotta show him that he's missing out," Sakura interrupted, determined to help her.

Hinata hesitated for a moment before giving in to Sakura's urging. She observed as Sakura deftly swiped through the potential matches with lightning speed, barely stopping to read their profiles or take note of their pictures. It was as if Sakura had become a seasoned expert at navigating the world of online dating, and she was determined to find the perfect match for Hinata no matter what. Hinata couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed by the whole thing.

"I don't know, Sakura," Hinata said hesitantly. "This all seems a little...weird."

Sakura just rolled her eyes. "Hinata, you're gorgeous and amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Just give it a chance, okay?"

Feeling a little apprehensive but also curious, Hinata nodded and watched as Sakura handed her phone back to her. "Just remember to be careful and don't meet up with anyone without letting me know, okay?" Sakura said, giving Hinata a stern look.

As she scrolled through the app, she couldn't help but think about Naruto and how he had rejected her. But with Sakura's encouragement, she realized that there were plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to have her. And who knows? Maybe one of them would be the perfect match for her after all.

She opened up her profile to look and see what Sakura wrote.

Hi there! I'm Hinata, a sweet and shy girl who loves to read, draw, and practice martial arts. I may come off as quiet at first, but once you get to know me, I'm a total goofball who loves to have fun and make people laugh. When I'm not at school, you can usually find me curled up with a good book or practicing my drawing skills. I also enjoy going on nature walks and exploring new places, especially if there's good food involved! I'm looking for someone who can appreciate my gentle nature and help me come out of my shell. Bonus points if you're kind, caring, and have a great sense of humor. If you're looking for a loyal and affectionate partner, I might just be the one for you. Let's chat and see where things go.

Hinata's face burned with embarrassment as she looked at the photo Sakura had used. It captured her vulnerable state perfectly, and she couldn't help but feel self-conscious about it. She let out a heavy sigh and turned off her phone, hoping that the Tinder app wouldn't cause any more trouble.

Sakura got up and patted her butt, offering a hand to help Hinata up. Hinata took it gratefully and dusted off her clothes before taking a deep breath. Despite everything that had happened, she still had to face the rest of the school day.

As they walked into the school building, Hinata felt like everyone was staring at her. She couldn't shake off the feeling that everyone knew about her rejection. However, Sakura's reassuring squeeze on her hand gave her a boost of confidence. "You got this Hinata! Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Hinata smiled weakly at her friend, grateful for her support. Suddenly, she noticed Sasuke walking towards them. Sakura's face lit up at the sight of her boyfriend. "Ah! Sasuke! I missed you!" she exclaimed, running towards him.

Hinata watched as Sasuke's unemotional face remained unchanged as Sakura hugged him. He then looked up at Hinata and greeted her with a curt nod. "Hyuga."

"U-Uchiha," Hinata replied, feeling a little nervous around him.

Sakura pulled Sasuke along, reminding them that they were going to be late for class. Hinata followed behind them.

Hinata sank into her seat, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She tried to focus on the lecture that was about to begin, determined not to let her thoughts wander to the rejection she had just experienced. She took out her notebook and pen, ready to take notes. As she looked up at the teacher, she saw Naruto walking into the classroom. He glanced at her and then quickly looked away, making her feel even more embarrassed.

Sakura noticed Hinata's discomfort and reached over to give her a reassuring pat on the back. "Don't worry about him, Hinata. You're amazing just the way you are. And if he can't see that, then he's not worth your time."

Hinata smiled gratefully at Sakura. She knew that she had a lot of work to do to get over Naruto, but she was determined to try.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to go home. Hinata walked out of the school with Sakura and Sasuke, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. She was glad to be out of that environment and away from the judgmental eyes of her classmates.

"Do you need a ride home?" Sakura offered as they parted ways. Hinata hesitated for a moment before replying, "N-No. I think I'll be fine!" Sasuke received a text on his phone, and he whispered something into Sakura's ear. Hinata noticed Sakura's expression turned a little sad before Sasuke walked back into the school. Concerned, Hinata asked, "W-what's wrong?" to which Sakura replied, "Oh nothing. Just something important came up! So he had to go back inside!" With a quick goodbye, Sakura left, reminding Hinata to message the guys back and not chicken out. Hinata watched as Sakura walked away before she realized that she forgot her bag in the classroom. She rushed back into the building, running straight into the classroom where she found Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto seemed surprised to see her, but Sasuke remained stoic. In a hurry, Hinata grabbed her bag and left the room without wanting to be around Naruto for too long.

As Hinata slowly walked out of the school, the rain began to fall. She sighed, feeling frustrated that it had to rain today, of all days, when she had no ride and no umbrella. Suddenly, she heard footsteps approaching her, and when she turned, she saw Sasuke standing beside her. "Hyuga," he said in his usual monotone voice. "O-Oh uh hi, U-Uchiha," Hinata stuttered out. Sasuke pulled out an umbrella from his bag and asked, "Need a ride?" Hinata hesitated, not wanting to be a burden. But when a loud clap of thunder echoed in the sky, Hinata panicked and quickly accepted his offer. Sasuke responded with a simple, "Hn," before walking away. Hinata quickly followed, lifting her bag over her head and running under Sasuke's umbrella with him.

As they reached Sasuke's car, he gallantly escorted Hinata to the passenger side, ensuring that she didn't get wet before he got in on the driver's side. "What's the address?" Sasuke asked, opening the GPS app on his phone. "It's 1234 Maple Street Apartments," Hinata replied, buckling her seatbelt. However, she soon realized that Sasuke wasn't using the GPS and was instead driving to her apartment building on his own. Once they arrived, he parked the car in the underground garage and picked up her bag along with his. "You don't have to get out, Uchiha-san. I can walk from here," Hinata protested, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I live here too," Sasuke responded in his usual monotone voice. "Oh, I didn't know that," Hinata said, surprised. Sasuke just made a noncommittal sound in response, and they walked to the elevator in silence.

As they waited for the elevator, Hinata couldn't help feeling a bit awkward. She and Sasuke had never really interacted with each other beyond exchanging greetings, and sometimes not even that. When the elevator arrived, Sasuke clicked the button for the fourth floor, while Hinata clicked the button for the sixth. When the doors opened on Sasuke's floor, he handed her bag back to her and walked away without a word. "Thank you," Hinata called after him, her voice barely above a whisper. Sasuke's only response was a curt "Hn," before the elevator doors closed again. Hinata let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding and walked into her apartment. She slumped onto her couch and pulled out her phone, which immediately started pinging with notifications. Amidst all the matches, one caught her eye.

Match Found: Sasuke Uchiha.

To read more go to: FF.net  | AO3 | Wattpad.com

[pointreyesjournal]

The Amnesiac : ep23

A Chemistry Experiment

“I think I’m going to make us a couple of lattes” River says as we’re climbing the stairs to my apartment. “I’m going to find some cheap saddlebags for my motorcycle on craig’s list, so you don’t have to cram all of our worldly belongings into a backpack” I reply.

River is in a cheery mood after sushi. She really believes in the power of the universe and the connection it makes. We walked back from the restaurant hand-in-hand and talked about the drawings, trying to unravel the mystery of their commonality. Now as we stand over them in my living room, she just can’t get over how detailed and lifelike they are. “They’re so gorgeous Floody” she tells me as she’s heading toward the kitchen espresso bar.

I sit down on the couch for a minute with my laptop thinking I’ll find the saddlebags, but almost as soon as my butt hits the couch I realize that being social and appreciative in this moment is more important. So I slam the laptop shut and take a seat at the bar, where I can enjoy watching River assemble a perfect pair of lattes. River is standing directly across from me with both elbows on the bar. Her big fluffy sweater nearly envelops her entire upper half as she wraps both hands around the warm mug and brings it up to her face for an mirthful looking first sip.

Seeing River happy like this is new territory for me. I’m used to her serious, face-paced  and slightly wary barista face. She reminds me of a sea otter warming its face in the morning sun of Monterey Bay. Our chemistry experiment has inadvertently turned into a first date, and the combination of psilocybin and raw fish protein may have inadvertently turned River into my new girlfriend.

“Floody my darling” she says with a sassy look in her eye “I have an admission to make.”

“Go ahead River … let’s hear it”

“I’ve never actually ridden on the back of a motorcycle.”

Such glee in my heart right now. She has absolutely no idea how much physical hardship is involved in riding on the back of a tiny sport bike. This trip is the physical equivalent of running a marathon every day for a week and she just has no idea how tough it is going to be. It would be so easy for me to pounce upon her admission with a grand soliloquy about the hardships of the road, and biting off more than you can chew, etc etc. But pointing harshly at one’s inexperience is never a recipe for endearment. And since it’s better to be shown the path than told, I offer this simple suggestion.

“Well, I guess after we finish this coffee, we’ll have to go for a ride.”

—

There’s an art to taking a girl for a first ride on a motorcycle. To ride, you must have a complete second set of motorcycle gear. A helmet, jacket, gloves, etc. But, you can’t go buy a girls’ motorcycle jacket, some girl gloves and a girl helmet. First motorcycle rides are always given to new prospective girlfriends or current flings, and new prospective girlfriends or current flings do not want to be reminded of ex-girlfriends and past flings. So it’s best to find mens motorcycle gear one size smaller than your own and just sort of pretend that you grew out of it.

I’ve got my feet flat on the ground to steady the bike when River climbs aboard. I can feel her muscular legs squeezing my hips as she nestles into place on the tiny rear seat. I look over my shoulder and tell her to lean with me when we turn, lean against me when we brake, and hang on when we accelerate. She gives me a thumbs up, so I put my visor down, stomp the bike into first gear and depart. I can feel River’s helmet clumsily bonking into mine as her body tries to find the rhythm of the ride.

The term “omakase” is Japanese for “I trust you.” Some sushi chefs interpret omakase as “Delight my guests with a expertly curated experience” and others interpret it as “scare the white people.” I prefer the former over the latter in all instances. So for today’s ride, I’m going curate River’s first motorcycling experience on a variety of roads at a variety of speeds, and I’ll gauge her body language to determine when I can crank up the intensity.

I ease her gently into the ride with a scenic loop around Point Pinos before picking up 17 Mile Drive for some low intensity sightseeing as we head south toward Carmel. River adapts quickly into the perfect passenger. I can feel her athleticism in the way her hips move with mine as we lean the bike through the twisty ribbon of road that winds south along the coast through Spanish Bay and Pebble Beach.

The weather is perfect for riding. It’s crisp and cool, but rising heat from the big Ducati engine warms us every time we slow down. We trundle through downtown Carmel slowly enough to raise our visors and have a little chat. River tells me she’s having a great time as she squeezes me across the barrel of my chest. I give her left thigh a couple of quick strokes with my gloved hand to tell her that I understand.

We intercept Highway 1 at Carmel Valley Road and begin the one hour journey south toward Big Sur and Nepenthe. It is a 30 mile stretch of gently twisting tarmac. I give the throttle a little blip to get River’s attention. I look over my shoulder and give the throttle a little twist. The speed increases and River gives me a swat on the butt like a jockey with a riding crop telling me it’s time to giddy up. So giddy up we do!

The Ducati leaps forward like a greyhound coursing for hare, and I can feel River’s body tense up as she hangs on for dear life. But rather than ease off the throttle, I continue to push on. Not at Millennium Falcon speeds, but swiftly enough to keep her adrenaline pumping without inducing sheer terror. Over the course of the next few miles I feel River’s body becoming accustomed to the intensity of the ride, and the cling for life transforms into an athletic ballet as her body and mine work in unity to pilot this craft swiftly down the road. I can feel River’s body rotating as she braces her inner thighs against my hips anticipation of the corners. I can feel her hands moving down to the gas tank to support her body weight under heavy braking, and then quickly returning to my chest as we accelerate out of the corners. She’s a natural pillion and within a few miles we’re moving in absolute synchronicity.

This act of riding quickly becomes second nature to River and I can see in the rear view mirror that she is absorbing the beauty of the surroundings, with the bright splashes of light kicking off of the ocean contrasted against the darkness created by groves of oaks, redwoods and coastal cypress trees. A few miles north of Nepenthe, the road features a long section of wide, gently sweeping bends that swing rhythmically from right to left, then left to right, over and over again. The Ducati settles into a constant speed with the motor buzzing away between our legs.

Traveling through time and space on this machine is euphoric and intoxicating, with the immersive, high-definition view out from behind the visor, the wisps of cool ocean breeze penetrating the jacket at the collar, wrists and small of the back, the buffeting of the wind, and the constant thrum of the engine, the body is bombarded with sensory inputs. River’s hands stop with the busyness of accelerating and braking and find their way onto my inner thighs. For the first time during the ride I can feel her tummy against my back, as she has her shoulders arched far back and her hips rotated as far forward as her body will allow.

From corner to corner, River’s body is rhythmically alternating between being soft and deeply relaxed, to hard and tense, almost quivering with intensity. With each cycle her hands go from gently massaging my thighs to clawing them like a cat waking from a nap. The rhythm of her body follows the rhythm of the road, left to right, hard to soft, until the rhythm disappears and the intensity remains. Her thighs are clamping my hips so hard, she’s nearly lifting me out of the saddle. I only stay seated because her paws are clawing at my thighs like a predator clawing at its prey. I feel her tummy pushing hard against the small of my back and then the motorcycle shutters violently as she collapses into a deep, pulsating clitoral orgasm. I feel her pelvis thrusting against the saddle as she wraps her arms around my chest and squeezes until I can’t breathe, and then her body just melts softly into mine like someone taking a blow torch to an ice cube.

For the last couple of miles to Nepenthe, I can feel the side of her helmet pressed between my shoulder blades, and her relaxed body squeezing against mine. Her tummy is going in and out as she pants deeply to catch her breath. Her right hand is over my heart, my left hand is over hers.

We pull into the Nepenthe parking lot and I begin searching for a parking spot until I feel a tap on my shoulder. Her visor is up. I flip mine up so I can listen. “I don’t want to stop Floody. Let’s just head home.”

I nod in approval and point the bike northbound.

[croskeys]

Up Close and Personal

EPC Devo 7/20/23

Scripture: "I am the good shepherd. I know my own sheep and they know me..." - John 10:14

My oldest daughter is spending this Summer on a school internship in Vienna, Austria. On her days off, she'll hop some trains and travel around Europe to see some of the sights. On a recent long weekend, she visited Paris and toured the Louvre art museum. Finally reaching the room where da Vinci's “Mona Lisa” is displayed, she texted a picture of herself with the famous portrait in the background.

I was amazed by two realizations: first, the number of people packed in the space between her and the painting, and, second, how small the portrait seemed. The opportunity to get close to and really study the “Mona Lisa” for a few minutes without distraction is not something that the general public has the chance to do.

This Summer's study of Revelation, as well as our past Spring's walk through the Bible that featured many stories of Jesus, stands out to me as something that's opposite of the “Mona Lisa” experience. Jesus lived among humanity, spoke to us personally, held our hands, prayed with us, broke bread with us, cried, and laughed with us. Even after his ascension, he continued to get "up close and personal" with people like Paul and John of Patmos.

We experience Jesus intensely today through Scripture, worship, the sacraments, prayer, and serving others. He is not a distant object, removed from us so that we can't see him and can't feel his real presence. He is here with us now, and we'll get to see him face-to-face someday.

This week, Fredna Lee is running a great Music Camp with our church's children. The finale will be a musical, relaying the message of Jesus as the Good Shepherd going to find the lost sheep. As the week goes by, the hope is that the kids fully realize Jesus’s words from the book of John: "I am the Good Shepherd. I know my own sheep and they know me " The goal is that, even at their young ages, the children realize that Jesus has been very near all along, and will continue to walk with them in faith as they grow.

Let it be so for us as well! How have you experienced Jesus lately? Know that he draws near to you even now, wanting to get to know you better and invite you to participate in his Kingdom.

Prayer: Jesus, let us feel your presence every day in every moment. Give us the strength and wisdom to hear your voice and to answer your call to serve and experience and share your love in all we do. In your name, Amen.

[robylovi]

@quinnotaur

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK!

DAY 2

BUNIX USAGI

HOPE YOU LIKE IT

btw sorry the shading’s all wrong

and that she barely looks like usagi

and that I can’t draw feet and didn’t want to ruin the rest of the drawing

[nanowrimo]

Three Ways to “Live First, Then Write” Within Your Limitations

“Live First, Then Write” is common writing advice, but what does that mean for those living with a chronic illness? NaNo Guest Jessica Natasha Lawrence gives her thoughts and reminds us of the strength of everyday moments. As a person with a chronic illness, it’s often hard for me to hear the advice to “live first, then write.” It makes me worry that I won’t be able to master my craft or create authentic stories unless I find a way to have exciting experiences that I don’t have the energy for.

But what if “live first, then write” doesn’t mean “make a bucket list and check off as many items as possible before you start your story”? Here are three things I’ve learned about how to apply this advice when you’re worried it doesn’t apply to you:

1. Remember Your Unique Experiences

It may be harder for me to know how it feels to be a busy college student with a job outside the home, or what it’s like to travel the world, but I can accurately portray life with a chronic health condition in a way that makes other people feel seen and understood.

Your limitations give you an opportunity to write about things that can be hard to understand if you’re not living through them. You don’t have to hope someone else will write a character you can relate to—you can provide accurate representation and regain a sense of agency by controlling how your story is told.

2. Reconsider Your Definition of Living

Life is not only about what you do and where you go, but about what you think and feel in ordinary moments. When you’re captivated by a novel, engrossed in a film, or delighted by a song, you are living, even if you’re too tired to leave bed.

If you feel like there are few events in your life you can draw inspiration from, you can draw inspiration from your emotions and your reactions to other people’s art. The long nights you spend reading and imagining your favorite characters in new situations are valid ways of living deeply and preparing to write.

3. Reach Out to Others

Sometimes the living you must do before you write is the quiet work of considering someone else’s perspective. When you’re open to hearing someone’s thoughts and their pain without judgment, you’ll realize how beautifully complex people can be, and this will be reflected in your writing.

The things you’ll learn through ordinary, empathetic conversations will greatly enrich your stories, and these conversations can be had on the couch, with internet friends and people who understand that you can’t always leave the house.

So, yes, live first and then write, but don’t let anyone tell you that your life is not full enough or good enough for your writing to mean anything. There is more life available to you than you realize when you’re in bed with a book and your own thoughts, or when you open the computer to say hi to someone for the first time.

Jessica Natasha Lawrence writes about chronic illness, realistic hope, and the beauty and trials of ordinary life. She can be found on Instagram, Twitter, and Medium.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

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