#it’s like a new level of not making sense-ism since they’re doing both AT THE SAME TIME

[idsb]

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[austennerdita2533]

A/N: My contribution to the KC New Year’s Day Exchange for the lovely Charlotte. (Modern P&Pish/The Hating Game AU + All Human + Romcom Tie-ins)

(AO3)(FF.net)

xx Ashlee Bree

(Spite) of Their Lives

For the past ten months, the routine has been this: Monday through Friday she avoids his eyes, claps back when he crosses a line at the office because it’s only a matter of time before he does something rash and destructive and she has to help fix it - again. Saturday she ignores his emails and text messages. A bevy of unreads she collects like bills, like love letters. However, not because she wants them or anything but so she has an excuse to ream him for his you can’t avoid the devil forever, sweetheart 😈 assholeness later. Like, come on, get a hobby. Or a girlfriend. Or a freaking life outside work already. Seriously. And Sunday…Sunday she reminds herself of all the reasons why he’s the biggest pain in the ass she’s ever met.

A right charming prick, really.

He’s the kind of man who, with a natural blend of arrogance, genteel good looks, cunning, money and rapier’s wit, knows just how to poke and pinch at every last nerve she harbors beneath her skin until she wants to scream. Until she does. Until she’s cursing the name Klaus Mikaelson before her first cup of coffee in the morning and after her last sip of wine before bed at night.

To call him a colleague is a stretch for Caroline. A big one. Let alone a friend, at least not in the conventional sense.

They clash more often than they collaborate on anything, after all: with him demanding speed and severity when it comes to finding ways to cut their competitors off at the neck; and her countering with options that preserve dignity, that allow for diplomacy as well as smooth transitions of power that begin and end with a cordial handshake. Theirs’ is a total conflict in tactic, in personality. A spark of opposition that means business—you know the type. It’s ugly courtesy mixed with innuendo that slides into begrudging respect twenty-four hours a day, fifty-two weeks of the year.

They’re opposites in every sense of the word, but it works.

Together they make for a surprisingly prosperous combination in the corporate world, and it’s one that just so happens to help them rake in diverse clients on top of big bucks revenue.

So where Klaus snarls at almost everyone, Caroline beams. Likewise, where she's poised and reliable in the midst of a crisis, he rages. Sometimes throws things. Expensive things. Once or twice at people’s heads, though that “rumor” lives in the Do Not Discuss Or Else vault with all of those shady concerns about certain members of his family.

Since she’s neither short on smiles nor sociability either, it follows that he tends to be gruff in comparison. Or as most other employees like to whisper, as grouchy as a wealthy Brit has any right to be.

Needless to say then, the muscular tick along his jaw is a measure of his mood. It’s a physical marker to watch for so one knows when it’s okay to broach a sensitive topic with him or when it’s smarter to bow out, zip it, lay low, waiting for a better time to tackle the issue at hand without any measure of solvency. Caroline’s become an expert at dissecting it. That little quirk. She knows precisely what to look for. Figured it out in matter of weeks. Not to boast or anything.

(Hint: the key is in the rapidity with which the tick comes, its root cause. Next comes deducing how long it’s likely to last. Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Calculate the potential damages. Then follow up accordingly.)

So now she knows to attack in the evenings, negotiate in the afternoons, and relent in the mornings. She’s learned what strategies to unleash on him and when.

Call it an Unwind the Big Bad Prick science, if you will. A crash course on all Mikaelson whims and asshole-isms.

The truth is Caroline’s not afraid to provoke him. To rattle him. She never has been, never will be.

She’ll call bullshit directly. to. his. smug. face. when he deserves a good tongue lashing or needs a simple lesson in civility, which just so happens to be much more often than one would think.

Summa cum laude honors, and unmatched organizational skills aside, she knows that’s one of the reasons why the Mikaelson siblings had Klaus hire her in the first place. She’s the hip check he needs. The temperate balance to his foul, distrusting moods and impulsivity.

There’s an entire arsenal of cutting glares at her disposal for him now. A challenge that sits on the tilt of her nose when they arrive somewhere simultaneously, both intent on being the first in the room. It doesn’t matter where it is, with whom they’re meeting, or why. The point is to compete…to be the one who’s holding the ace in her palm.

She aims to outsmart, outthink, and out win him in as many schemes as possible. In as many days, too, if she can swing it.

It’s how Caroline has come to carry arguments in the strum of her fingers. Wear them in the slight curl of her upper lip when they disagree. Her hair flip’s perfected, a real asset. A true silencer when she needs it to be. Like when he tries to pull rank or won’t listen to logic at all. (Which, again, happens more frequently than it should. May even prompt an eye roll or two. Sometimes three - you know, if the chip on his shoulder starts to burnish gold and he downshifts into being ruthless and impossible again.)

Not to mention the fact that her verbal comebacks slap harder than Klaus’s do since she smiles as she delivers them, the effect as disarming for him as it is satisfying for her—and oh, boy, can she sure deliver a line! Then watch as it lands like a whap across his cheek.

None of that has anything on the swivel of her heels, though. Or the sashay of her retreat which she enacts only once she’s successfully shaved him down a peg or two, knocking his ego back down to planet earth where it belongs. At least for the rest of the day.

It’s safe to expect that it’ll be back in tact by tomorrow - it always is - but she still lives for the dimpled purse of his mouth, anyway. That rough swallow of his Adam’s apple. The sag in his seat which precedes the defensive crossing of his arms that lets her know she’s one-upped him, and he’s impressed. Intrigued. Put out in a way that makes him borderline congratulatory…almost flirtatious, really.

(Except they can’t stand each other so she brushes the latter thought into the back of her brain where it can asphyxiate and die. Like - as soon as possible.)

A backward wave of her hand is the only thing Caroline leaves behind as her red-soled heels click down the hallway afterwards. Headed back toward her own office. Sometimes she steers toward the elevators afterwards because it’s late, because she now has something to gloat about on her ride home.

She prefers to abandon him when he’s at her mercy like that: stunned, speechless, reeling, his head still turning over her last competitive taunt.

It makes him look boyish even though he’s pushing thirty. Pleasantly caught. Not to mention a smidge more attractive than she wants him to be with those rumpled blond curls and abandoned tie, his sleeves cuffed up to the elbows.

Klaus seems to derive some kind of twisted satisfaction from the leveling of odds between them regardless. And why the hell not? So does she.

It’s adrenalizing, plain and simple. A grin always seems to snake its way onto their faces at the same moment. Win or lose. Every time.

Wrapped up in their little game of professional chess, though, Caroline is too full of plans and spite to worry over what that zing she feels between them means.

                                                           _ 

Klaus is fond of endearments. And he uses them.

A lot.

They tend to be ridiculous at best, his pet names, downright inappropriate at worst. And he knows it. Designs it so, his grin stretching wider at the edges while he gauges her reaction to his latest assignations.

They slide off his tongue freely, suggestively, relentlessly, until they’re an avalanche of  “love,” “queenie,” “venomous cupcake,” “Care-ella de Ville” monikers that fly in her direction more often than not as they go toe-to-toe over some work issue or find themselves cloistered together in the Brainstorm Wing, alone, far too long to be considered tolerable.

He talks and teases. She mostly ignores it because she’s focused, determined - a freaking whiz at professionalism - though he does win a scoff every now and again over their electronics.

That’s simply the way it is between them. How it’s always been.

Occasionally Caroline will threaten to set his pants on fire or will offer to drown him in his most expensive bottle of bourbon for extra measure. Anything to shut him up. Anything to curb his persistent interruptions whenever they’re up to their elbows in files, arguing, warding off a loss before an important meeting or a deadline. But it never works. It never sticks.

Seriously, nothing phases him.

The man is either impervious to rebuff of any sort or his encouragement hinges on the one stupid traitorous blush (one!) that seems to accompany any glare Caroline fires in his direction. (A weakness she’s more than desperate to delete from her physiology.) His audacity is incredible to witness in person. Absolutely incredible.

Suspicion rankles in her gut because it’s as if Klaus has no other targets even when there are other associates present, which doesn’t make sense. It’s just her. Just this. Just endless time and opportunity to pun her to death.

Talk about sucks!

Can’t someone else be his designated prey instead? Why her? Why now? How’d she get to be so unlucky as to have to put up with him all the time?

Rifling through documents one evening in late November, forced to work in tandem per their boss and CEO, Elijah’s, request, the two of them nibble on Chinese takeout and work. Bicker. Pour over contracts. Plot strategy in the B-wing late into the morning hours.

“I know you’re loath to admit it, sunshine,” Klaus says with a yawn after they concoct a one-two punch right as the clock strikes three; it’s a killer solution on all fronts, “but you and I are good together. We make a formidable team.”

“Oh, stop with that.”

“Stop with what?”

“You know it annoys me,” she frowns. “Come on.”

“Annoys you? It was an observation, Caroline. I was under the impression those weren’t illegal.”

Tossing her iPad and color-coded notes aside, she runs a lazy hand through her hair before leveling him with a look, “I wasn’t talking about the team comment and you know it.”

“Weren’t you?”

“No.”

“Pity,” Klaus says with a sigh and a stretch, raking her over while amusement dances in his rimmed eyes. “I’d hoped we were on the same page for once.”

“Well, we’re not.”

“Clearly.”

“An apology would be welcome at this juncture, you know. I’m open to hearing one,” she suggests.

“An apology?” Caroline waits. Taps her monogrammed company pen on the table’s ledge. He smirks before unhooking another button at his collar and angles closer. “For what?”

With a huff, “We’ve talked about this and you can’t just—how dare you keep—I—”

“Yes?” Klaus doesn’t say it but another endearment hangs from his smirking lips. It waits to shoot her way any second. “Go on then. State your grievance with me.”

“There’s no point.”

“Why’s that?”

“You already know what it is,” she says.

“Do I now?”

Growing perturbed, she ignores the flutter in her belly under this intense scrutiny, his expression a mixture of steady, sarcastic, and softly admiring. “This whole conversation is ridiculous!”

“Fair point. Though, personally, I disagree.”

“You…” she says, fighting back a blush and a laugh then shaking her head, “you are the actual worst.”

“Funny. That almost sounds like a compliment.”

“It wasn’t meant as one.”

“Perhaps not, sunshine,” he dimples, slumping back casually before interlocking his fingers behind his head, and sighs, “but I’ll take it as such anyway. Just this once.”

Caroline scowls. Flattens her lips. Mumbles something about “endearment harassment.” Resists another blush as well as the urge to strangle him before the paperwork for this deal is done.

Instead she decides to re-send him the Merriam Webster definitions of impertinent and dickhead from her phone again—you know, for clarity’s sake. Then she asks demurely, all eyelashes, her hands folded flat, if Satan has happened to set the date for his coronation into hell yet.

“Why?” Leaning over the armrest with his chair wheels squeaking against the floor, Klaus is all cheek and attentiveness and spicy cologne. “Care to be my escort for the big event?” he says without missing a beat.

With a snort, “In your dreams, Mikaelson. But so help me, if you don’t knock it off and focus so we can finish preparing for this meeting tomorrow, then I promise I’ll find a way for the devil to come and collect you early himself. Got it?”

“Sure thing,” he nods. “Can’t have you wanting to push me off the roof later now, can I?”

“Who’s to say I’m not already tempted?” Caroline mumbles.

He swivels to face her, all levity, with one eyebrow raised. Meanwhile she focuses on organizing their files into separate stacks. “Are you?” he says.

Shrugging, “I wouldn’t push it any further if I were you. Better to be silent but productive than flippant and airborne, don’t you think?”

A chuckle. A soft press of his palm over her wrist.

“Well played, love. I don’t know if hearing that leaves me feeling more wounded or paranoid, but…well played.”

Warm, certain, Klaus’s touch lingers far too long after he draws away.

                                                            _ 

—Archived Twitter messages from FIERCE AND WE KNOW IT SQUAD group chat on December 5th, 10:42 P.M.

thiskatRAWRS : i said find his celebrity doppelgänger for us, caroline. wtf !!

crowned caroline: i did

thiskatRAWRS: no, you defected. like a coward

crowned caroline: did not!

thiskatRAWRS: did too

thiskatRAWRS: besides, i think we both know there’s a better selection to be had here

enzobites: oh - this outta be good, lusty (or is it katTHRUSTY now?)

thiskatRAWRS: *middle finger emoji*

crowned caroline: ugh. don’t provoke her, okay?

enzobites: bugger me for wondering at Elijah’s reaction to his ladylove’s ranking + assessment

enzobites: of

enzobites: his

enzobites: younger

enzobites: brother’s

enzobites: sex

enzobites: appeal

thiskatRAWRS: i still have eyes, don’t i? just gotta keep my hands to myself. not that it’s anyone’s business but mine and Elijah’s if i do or do not 😼

enzobites: …and you wonder why you were reassigned from HR, love

thiskatRAWRS: *double middle finger emoji*

bonnie-b-is-me: Kat told me Klaus has an up-to-no-good Jude Law look about him. is that semi-accurate, Care?

bonnie-b-is-me: (me = works elsewhere = totes out of loop) :(

crowned caroline: nope

crowned caroline: i stand by my original choice

bonnie-b-is-me: which was?

crowned caroline: *inserts internet meme*

bonnie-b-is-me: 😯

enzobites: wut…why Grumpy Cat?

thiskatRAWRS: i told you ^^^ doesn’t count, pick a human

crowned caroline: but the resemblance is astounding! it’s uncanny, really

crowned caroline: look here, i’ll prove it further: *inserts another three memes, one with a side-by-side photo comparison*

enzobites: wicked Santa hat there, Klausy

bonnie-b-is-me: lmao

crowned caroline: Klaus is literally Grumpy Cat in human form bc 1) he’s surly 2) he’s miserable and repressed af 3) he’s one explosive hiss away from taking another corporate life at all times

bonnie-b-is-me: so let him be known, 4eva more, as Grumpy Corporate Klaus

enzobites: i dig it

enzobites: GCK ftw then, yea? ;)

crowned caroline: 👍🏼

thiskatRAWRS: sorry, but all i’m getting from care’s explanation is “overlooked sex kitten” vibes. so if that’s how you view Klaus then idk how to break this to you, girl, but…

enzobites: BOW CHICKA WOW WOW

thiskatRAWRS: exactly !! one of them is gonna pounce on the other before long—ruffled feathers and all of that meowww

bonnie-b-is-me: bets, anyone?

enzobites: count me in, gorgeous ;)

thiskatRAWRS: ditto

crowned caroline: OMG SHUT UP ALL OF YOU

bonnie-b-is-me: did either of you hear something?

thiskatRAWRS: sounds like denial chirping to me

enzobites: or uh…hate could be their preferred foreplay

crowned caroline: THIS ISN’T FUNNY

bonnie-b-is-me: wouldn’t be the first time

thiskatRAWRS: and def not the last !!

bonnie-b-is-me: *inserts YouTube link to “Dangerous Woman” by Ariana Grande*

crowned caroline: WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM??? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, WTF

thiskatRAWRS: *inserts “You Can’t Handle the Truth” gif*

enzobites: from the way Klaus verbally paws at Blondie here in the office, to the longing look in his eyes when she speaks (or flirts) with any good-looking bloke who isn’t him, i wager it’s only a matter of time before—

crowned caroline has left the chat

                                                           _ 

A natural curiosity is there, of course. Call it a fatal flaw. A susceptibility. Whatever.

She’s only human.

No use in haranguing her about it forever, you know?

                                                           _ 

It’s a passing thought or two when the workload is mounting, when Caroline’s eyes blur numbers into scratchy colors of highlighter and her days are spun into spools of navy blue suits and unsigned contracts and poorly worded emails and coffee cart lattes plus beignets which she needs to keep her standing upright for another few hours or else she’ll peter out mid-sentence, toppling into the nearest chair; only to then find what she craves deposited, like a gift from the gods, onto her desk the exact instant she feels herself deflating into putty. No evidence at all that someone had been there. Not an item out of place. No note attached anywhere.

There’s also that prickle against the base of her neck sometimes. A tingle of awareness that tells her Klaus is either close by or he’s peering at her through the glass walls again, idly. Watching her with some soft and introspective intensity Caroline doesn’t understand let alone question thoroughly.

It’s a collection of moments.

Looks.

Coincidences.

Things that happen by accident because their schedules align - because, for example, they’re seated side-by-side on their way to the New Orleans airport one afternoon to catch a flight back home after closing Gerard Enterprises when the car swerves. The driver’s caught in a blast of turbulent traffic, and without thinking, she crosses the invisible boundary between them to curl against his side, her fingers fisting in his unworn seatbelt. Her head tucks against his clavicle, her eyelashes flicking over the buttons on his shirt. Their breaths heavy but in time.

“Are you alright, love? Are you hurt?” Klaus asks, his mouth burring like an ember against her crown of golden hair.

“I’m okay,” she breathes. In then out. In then out. “Just a little toppled and caught unawares is all,” she adds as his pulse slows beneath her ear, his hand hot on her bicep. “You?”

“Heart in my stomach, woman in my arms, so otherwise fine.”

“Good.”

“Yes - quite.”

Then there are the private conversations Caroline overhears. Like the one where he informs a slimy potential de Martel client the two of them are “a package deal” and that she is “not one to be trifled with, disrespected, or undervalued.” Or another where he confesses to his sister, Rebekah, that they’d “be bloody lost without her here.”  

It’s how, any time they cross the street together, Klaus’s hand presses against the small of her back as if he wishes to offer another layer of protection. Almost like it belongs there.

It’s when, after a bout of flu descends like a hammer, leaving her phlegmy, feverish for days, and unable to work, a knock sounds at her door to reveal him standing on the other side. Looking sheepish, a shopping bag full of get well tea and medicinal items hangs from one of his arms while chicken noodle soup is Tupperwared in the other. To top it all off a fresh bouquet of sunflowers perches in the crook of his elbow, which he places in a vase with water before he leaves so she can rest. So she can recover her strength and faculties.

And even though everyone at the office whispers that Klaus only cares about himself, and about what comforts he can afford, Caroline knows he pays the secretaries’ bonuses directly out of his own pocket. He also offers use of his car service when the hour is late or the weather gets too dicey to walk to the subway, so he can’t possibly be that awful, can he? Can he?

                                                            _ 

These passing thoughts accrue over days, hours, weeks, to leave an imprint large enough to make her wonder. To have her questioning their so-called triviality.

Caroline hates to think it but - freaking hell - what if her friends are right? Is the in like vs. in spite line between her and Klaus really that thin, or is she only now realizing to admit so will change everything in ways she cannot begin to fathom?

Swipe left to descend into Emoville✔️

Swipe right for Distraction City✔️

(Both options suck equally for her, as it turns out.) (So she guilts Enzo into paying for drinks for the next three Saturdays and processes in true Forbes fashion: with lists a’plenty.)

[romantasyrabbittrail]

Long, Barely Coherent Thoughts about The Rise of Skywalker

Since some of you wanted to hear my thoughts about “The Rise of Skywalker”, I’ve taken some time to write them up and provide context for why I responded the way I did.

A small preamble: I didn’t hate it. Hate is a strong word. And there were moments that I liked. Some that I even loved. However, the aggregate feeling for the movie overall was disappointment. For certain elements, it went beyond that into something genuinely painful and I don’t think that will make sense unless I also go into why I loved the previous two installments of this trilogy.

Also, if you loved this movie, I’m very happy for you. This is about my personal response to a piece of media and I make no judgements on those who enjoyed what you saw. I wish I could join you.

Finally, I will be talking about some sensitive subjects, including child loss and abuse. Please be aware of that before reading further.

Okay, so what was my overall impression of The Rise of Skywalker?

Soulless. Cowardly. Incoherent. Badly paced.

I spent large portions of the movie unable to get into the action because the pacing was so breakneck. There was no time to breathe. Consequently, there was never enough time to recover from one rush before another started. If everything is exciting, nothing is.

I think that this was a deliberate choice to cover up the lack of sense behind the exposition. Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron looks dead inside as he temporarily takes up the mantle of Basil Exposition to explain that somehow or other, Emperor Palpatine has returned and there’s a hard time limit on destroying his fleet.

This is a fine example of a running problem throughout the movie. Whereas both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi used visual storytelling to move the story forward, things in TROS were explained through dialogue time and again. And the dialogue was incredibly clunky.

But back to the story. We are given a paper thin explanation of the Emperor’s return, and immediately are thrown into a fetch quest to find the Big Bad. I’m sure it will make an exciting video game adaptation.

The thing though is that the fetch quest makes no sense. One of the wayfinders is found in the first two minutes of the movie. Yes, it’s in the hands of the bad guys. But does the audience not remember that our heroine is bound to the villain? Why couldn’t she try to use that bond to get at the directions? Why does the Resistance not try to use that bond? Has she hidden from them her connection to Kylo Ren? Either she’s built up a wall of mistrust between her found family and herself by keeping the bond a secret, or she’s revealed all and no one thinks to try to use that bond to their advantage. It’s just conveniently overlooked.

Oh, a sidenote. Wayfinder. Why? There is an in-universe word for such objects already. It’s a holocron. Why not use holocron? We throw Star Wars-isms at the audience all the time. It would be an Easter Egg to the diehards while not bothering the general audience one iota.

Back to our fetch quest. We head to the desert planet of Pasaana. There’s a festival going on. A festival about family. Rey looks longingly at children and infants. A child gives her a fertility necklace. And then suddenly she’s connected by her bondmate through the force.

Now it’s no secret that the Rey and Kylo dynamic is one of the reasons I loved the first two movies in the trilogy. The actors have great chemistry. More importantly, the characters have interesting conflict. And yet that conflict seems off in this movie. TLJ left them complicated enemies. But they feel out of character. I don’t understand what each is trying to get out of their encounters. I have to do massive amounts of work to understand their actions and the dialogue doesn’t help. Because it doesn’t ring true.

Setting such details aside, Kylo rips off the necklace in a moment worthy of the Phantom of the Opera and for once it’s an action that makes sense, having both the subtext of obsessive love and jealousy, and the text of offering a clue for analysis to Rey’s location. Bravo. The writers did something right.

Meanwhile, we get a clunky reintroduction of Lando Calrissian. Has he been stuck on this desert for over 7 years? Longer? We just don’t know and he doesn’t tell us. Our heroes hitch a ride and then we get a fun speeder chase.

Okay, a couple more questions. There’s some good stuff here. The omnipresence of the First Order helps convey how thorough their control is. But why doesn’t Rey hotwire the speeder? It was established two movies ago that she’s a good mechanic. And on Jakku that kind of skill makes sense. Why hand that off to Poe? And why this Trio stuff. It’s fanon. We have just been assuming that Finn’s best friends would form the new Han, Luke, and Leia. Because reasons. None of them textual. It was a failure of TFA to not establish this dynamic if this was an essential element of Star Wars that had to be there from the start.

Which gets to the heart the problem in fandom which is that Star Wars is different  for every fan. What is essential to the series is subjective. For me, Star Wars is light sabers, hyperspace, the Force, epic battles, strange world with one biome only per world. So I’ve never felt like something was missing. But if an essential element was a very particular character dynamic (like a good guy Trio), then I can see why some fans felt let down. As if all the pieces were there but never got put together.

Back to Pasaana. We have a brief descent into the underworld in which Rey has a moment of true Jedi compassion and is rewarded when her compassion for the monster leads to an exit from said underworld. Nice. Mythically coherent. And hey, we also get one of the MacGuffins we’ve been searching for, so, bonus.

 Now we get the arrival of Kylo and his backup band. What was the point of these dudes? I mean, they look cool and I can’t wait to edit videos of them to classic NKOTB. But narratively, why are they there? Why did Kylo reforge the mask? Why all these questions in the third act when we should be in the process of tying up loose ends.

Rey, in a moment reminiscent of bull leaping from Crete, goes out to stall them? I guess? And then ends up in a battle of wills with Kylo that leads to her inadvertent use of Force Lightning.

Okay, another side trip. Are they trying to make out that Dark Side Powers are genetic? Because that’s all I can figure. Really, it’s kind of gross because it suggests that darkness isn’t a human trait that we all carry and must confront, but rather that Rey’s specific problem is a dark legacy. Which, that’s Kylo’s story. He’s the one grappling with the legacy of Vader and how that led his family to fear his darkness rather than aid him in confronting it.

Anyway, we have Rey briefly thinking she’s killed Chewie and that sets our heroes off to our next quest location and another set of problems: Why did we make the Latino man a drug runner and car thief? No, this isn’t just putting an unneeded real world spin on the universe. This is about narrative consistency. Because in a bid to make Poe Dameron an ersatz Han Solo, they broke his actual in-universe back story that had been established in comics and novels. That Poe Dameron was a pilot in the New Republic Navy, the child of war heroes Kes Dameron and Shara Bey. He grew up on Yavin IV. When did he have time to be a smuggler? He’s only a few years older that Ben Solo.

See Lucasfilm has a Story Group that is supposed to help keep narrative consistency between the various media released. And I can’t help shake the feeling that the Story Group was ignored or stonewalled. To please who? The fans? Which fans? Because I would be under the impression that the fans who read the novels and the comics, who dig the trivia aspects of the universe, would be the first to desire the universe to remain coherent.

The Kijimi stuff is fun. Babu Frik is adorable. C3PO is touching. There’s good moments. There really are.

We now go to the infiltration of the Star Destroyer (Does it have a name? Nerds, help me out here. Usually I know this sort of thing.) Again, good moments. I like the implication that Rey’s Force Powers disturb Poe, but it’s never brought up again. One of dozens of Chekhov’s guns left unfired. This is incredibly sloppy in the plotting. Hux is the mole!?! Fun. Yet, again, wasted. And out of character, but I’m sure that’s not going to bother the general audience. Rey gets caught sneaking around in Kylo’s bedroom? Priceless, and some good imagery (smashing the altar to Vader) combined with incredibly clunky dialogue and some more serious questions that never get answered.

The whole time Kylo thought Vader was talking to him it was Palpatine? Why the hell does he still have that mask on a pedestal? He just couldn’t bear to get rid of a collectible? He hadn’t had time to konmari yet? And just what does smashing the pedestal symbolize? Is this the start of Kylo breaking free? We’ll probably never know.

Rey escapes on the Falcon. After getting the worst character reveal in the Saga. I’m sorry. Rey Palapatine is just dumb. I liked that she was a nobody. It allowed her to be the Forces solution to the manipulation and abuse heaped upon the Skywalkers. She was brought into the story and bound to the last scion of House Skywalker as a corrective. She wasn’t overpowered. (No really. She executed a few very basic Jedi skills in the first two movies, none of them exceptional.) And her skill level makes sense the moment you understand that she is bound to Ben Solo. She is literally downloading his training. She can do what he can do. Even her fighting style mirrors his. Fun fact: if you watch the scene in The Last Jedi where she’s practicing sword forms on Ach-to, and compare them to Kylo in his duel with Luke, they’re identical. To a move. Rey is powerful because the Force chooses its vessels. No one was asking who Mace Windu’s parents were. Or Ki-Adi Mundi’s. But Rey is skilled because a very clear in universe device means she has access to Ben Solo’s mind and that included every skill he ever learned.

Alrighty, so now our team is on to the next step in the quest, the ocean moon of Kef Bir, one of the many moons in the Endor system. (No, it’s not the Forest or Sanctuary Moon with the Ewoks.) We meet Jannah, another wasted character. She is pretty and could have been cool. But she exists for us to realize that Finn is probably Force Sensitive and that he broke conditioning not due to innate morality but because he’s not a Muggle.

Which brings me to my gripe with how Finn’s character was treated. He spent the whole movie running around shouting Rey. That’s it. That’s his arc. I don’t mind that he can feel the Force. But I feel like his development was regressed. He had a clear character arc in the first two movies. From a man running away from responsibility to one willing to fight for a friend, to a man willing to commit to cause. This movie should have had him building on that, and perhaps like Moses returning to free the rest of the Stormtroopers who are canonically child soldiers brainwashed into fighting for the bad guys.

Back to the plot. Rey takes off for the Death Star, searches the haunted house and yet again has her moment in the cave, this time confronting a dark vision of herself. Dang that was cool. Would have liked to see more of that. Anyway, she confronts Kylo and he smashes the holocron. Emphasizing for us how pointless this fetch quest has been. Girl could have hopped a ride in his TIE at any point and dealt with the fallout after they dealt with the emperor.

They fight. It wasn’t a bad fight. Just not my favorite. It did emphasize though that Kylo is never ever fighting on the offensive with her. Never in three movies has he ever taken an advantage of an opening for a killing blow, and never was it more obvious than in this fight. Kylo gets distracted, Rey stabs him mortally, and this act seems to wake her up from whatever possessed her in the throne room. She heals him and runs away.

This brings up another thing that bothers me. I know the filmmakers were working with some severe challenges with their footage of Carrie. I don’t think it was badly used for the most part. But I was left baffled at what exactly was going on here.

I was not baffled at Kylo/Ben’s confrontation with Han. This was the high point of the movie for me. It was pitch perfect in tone, and touched on the one an only sin Ben ever committed that wasn’t connected to a war objective, the murder of his father. And it made clear that the prodigal was loved and wanted and it wasn’t too late to come home. The heart of Ben’s problem has been the conviction that he has done too much wrong to come home, and while it is only a memory, it is a true memory of the man who loved Ben enough to walk straight into Hell though he knew it would probably be the death of him. I can forgive this scene for throwing the lightsaber  into the ocean. I realize that most of the audience doesn’t know that you can heal kyber crystals. Yes, the saber was a metaphor for Ben’s damaged and unstable soul, and yes, it would have been poetic (and badass) for him to show up later with a healed lightsaber, stable and blue and looking like something an angel would fight with. But I’ll forgive that for the poetry of what happens on Exegol.

And then we go to my low point. I’ll set my costumer’s beef with Luke Skywalker’s wig aside. It looked cheap and that’s all I’ll say. It was more the deliberate middle finger to TLJ in the lines while ignoring that Luke’s most iconic and Jedi-like moment in the original trilogy was casting aside his lightsaber in an act of compassion. Yes, Rey was burning her ship and throwing away her weapon for the wrong reason.  And it was a deliberate echo of Luke who also was appalled when his fear was twisted by the Dark into an attack on his nephew. She is overcome with the same shame and fear of self. Luke can speak to this in a real way. With better dialogue, it might have worked for me. Alas, it didn’t. Instead we got more exposition to provide us with an extra lightsaber. And more questions about why everyone in this family gave up on Ben Solo.

Here’s the thing. If Leia remains untrained, lots of things make sense: her instinctive but infrequent use of the Force; her fear for her son and sense of inadequacy in dealing with he struggles with darkness, her unresolved issues with her father which lead her to hide her parentage not only from the galaxy but also from her own son. All of this is undone by the training reveal and makes us wonder why everyone was willing to help a descendent of Palpatine but not their own flesh and blood. And in a movie that used dialogue to explain nearly everything, these lacunae stand out more than they would in a film that trusted the audience more. See you could have had Luke say “We messed up. We gave in to fear. And we didn’t want to make the same mistake with you. Rey. I’m the son of Darth Vader. I know more than any man that we are more than our bloodline. And forgetting that with Ben was the worst mistake of my life.” But  he didn’t. Which in a movie which tells as much as or more than it shows seems like a deliberate choice.

Have you noticed that I’m ignoring the space battles? That’s because they’re forgettable. I just didn’t care about them. Especially since the galactic conflict remained essentially unresolved. Back to the Force Plot, the only plot that matters.

Rey confronts Palpatine. Yawn. At this point I just don’t care. For most of the movie, she hasn’t seemed like my Rey. I couldn’t relate and by this point I’ve lost interest so I’m more wondering where did all these people come from. Are there concessions? How much does a hot dog and Coke cost on Exegol? Does this stadium have bathrooms? Nice to see that it’s built like the AT&T one down the street with the sliding roof panels. And then my boy Ben Solo arrives and the film is good again. Without a word of dialogue (besides “ow”) Adam Driver delivers the best performance of the movie, showing that the Han Solo of the trilogy was there the whole time in his son. Was there ever a more Han Solo thing than running into a Dark Side temple in your pajamas, armed only with a blaster? And then Rey passes him Anakin’s saber. OMG. Brilliance. The best part of the movie. For a moment I thought that they would at least wrap it up well. And for a moment they’re side by side and all is right in the world. And then Palpatine throws Ben in a pit.

I hate this. I don’t hate this movie but I hate this moment. For three movies we’ve set up that Rey and Ben (He’s Ben now; don’t’ @ me.) are equals in the Force. They have a Yin/Yang dynamic that made this work. The natural conclusion here should have been that they take out Palpatine together. Because both have a beef with him. This is the man responsible for ruining the lives of four generations of Skywalkers. And while Ben is at the bottom of a pit, Rey stands alone, calling on the Jedi to help her.

The Jedi that are ignoring the Skywalker at the bottom of the pit.

Including Ben’s grandfather that he’s been begging for years to help him.

Including his uncle who promised to always be with him. (We were robbed of Ghost Luke trolling Kylo. Robbed I tell you. Mark Hamill would have nailed that.)

Ben is at the bottom of a pit being ignored while the Jedi transform Rey into their sacrificial lamb for Girl Power points.

So, yeah, I hated how Rey defeated Palpatine. It was wrong. It wasn’t in union with her bondmate. It wasn’t through the power of love and compassion. It was Space Wonder Woman meets Harry Potter. And then she dies. Because the Jedi only ever viewed people as tools in their grand battle with the Sith.

But Ben. Oh, Ben loves Rey for who she is. And he climbs out of the pit without a lick of help from anyone and cradles her lifeless form in the most heartbreaking Pieta, and you can see on his face the moment he make his decision and gives everything of himself to bring her back. It was beautiful, and they share the most pure, the most perfect kiss.

And then he dies.

And that’s where the movie breaks me. Because he didn’t have to die. It doesn’t make sense. Why does Leia hold on until this moment? Why does Maz seem satisfied? Where did Ben go? Why does he go unmourned? Where is his Force ghost? This movie just leaves us with more questions.

And the very end kills me. Rey is on Tatooine. A dead world that holds no importance to her (or Leia, I might add). She buries the Skywalker sabers. A funeral. She sees the ghosts of Luke and Leia bless her as she takes on the Skywalker name. A name that she could have taken in a life-affirming way through marriage, but that appears as scavenged from the dead that she has surrounded herself with as she ends the movie an eternal child, side by side with a stolen droid.

It makes no sense.

But whence my nerd rage? Why do I care? Why have I devoted over 3K words to this?

Because the first two movies in this trilogy made me care about these characters.

When I first saw The Force Awakens, I connected immediately with her loneliness. Loneliness is something I get viscerally. I have always been socially awkward and had difficulty making friends. I rarely felt known or understood and I understood that deep longing to belong. When Rey was being interrogated by Kylo Ren, that was what struck me. He notices her loneliness.

And you realize that Kylo is projecting. That he is seeing in her a kindred spirit. He too is lonely, and trapped by fear into being stuck in a place that he knows in his heart of hearts is a dead world. He too is trapped by relics of the past.

So, you see, Rey and Kylo were both me. I had lived that loneliness. I had experienced profound isolation and the sense that no one truly understood me. I desperately wanted them to find their belonging and heal their wounds. And that’s certainly the story that TLJ picked up on and continued.

But there was more. I became fascinated with the question of how the son of Han and Leia fell, and I could see the possibilities in the pattern of their characters: Leia, the woman driven by duty, trying to build the New Republic to make a better galaxy for her son, and leaving her son vulnerable to predation in the process; Han, a man who had only just stopped running from responsibility, and who’s own lack of father figures left him feeling inadequate as a father. Throw in a villain who can groom and psychically abuse their son and you have the ingredients for a tragedy.

And because I identified with Leia, Ben became, in a way, an additional child. A parent’s greatest fear is that in trying to do the right thing for your child you inadvertently make things worse. Poor Leia. She needed a mother to tell her child mattered more than a bill in the Senate. That the galaxy could wait. But Palpatine killed her mother. Both her mothers, because he was as complicit in the death of Breha Organa as he was in the death of Padme Amidala Naberrie.

So when Ben Solo died, it was like losing a child. And anyone who knows me personally knows that I do not choose that phrasing lightly. And being a mother, there is always a sense of survivor’s guilt. The sense that if you had done the right thing, it wouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t matter if that isn’t the truth. It’s how it feels.

I have met so many people online who identify with Ben Solo because they were abused as children. Who like him processed their trauma in unhealthy ways. It’s not where I come from, but I have the capacity to empathize and hear the message they’re inadvertently being told: that if you do bad things because you’ve been groomed and manipulated and brainwashed, you can’t come back. Even if you turn your life around, it won’t matter. You’ll only find peace in death and you will die unremembered as punishment for your sins. And your family will replace you with someone nicer and easier to live with.

But I can hear you saying: It’s not that deep. It’s fake and in space. It’s just a story.

Well, here’s the problem:

1)    The brain does not distinguish real people from fictional characters. The part of the brain that produces serotonin and dopamine can’t distinguish fact from fiction. This is actually why art has the power to heal. The catharsis experienced in a work of art can help us process trauma because we relate to the characters in the story. But the flip side is that stories can cause genuine trauma. If we related to characters in a story and they are treated unjustly, we feel that injustice and it hurts as badly as if it were real.

2)    Ben Solo was written to be sympathetic. He is the child of beloved characters. His backstory is one filled with pain. He was failed by every family member who should have protected him. He was abused physically and mentally for years. Recently published materials exonerate him from the destruction of the Jedi temple. It was all part of a plot to push him to the Dark. All Ben ever wanted was to be loved for who he was. And that was snatched away from him.

3)    I can’t turn off my brain. I can’t stop asking questions and trying to make sense of things. I can help but see the Chekhov’s guns and the symbols and the messages, however inadvertent.

4)    It is a grand failure of a movie if it only works on a surface level and not when you start digging deeper. Every other Star Wars movie, including The Phantom Menace, rewards the person who can’t turn off their brain. This was the first one that falls apart so completely the second you start asking questions.

I wish I could like this movie. I was prepared to like it if not love it. And while I got Ben’s redemption and the Rey and Kylo romance that I wanted, I feel like I got nothing. Like they don’t matter at all.

I am planning to start new hobbies in the new year. I got some war gaming miniatures painting sets for Christmas and I’m glad I have a new special interest to pour myself into. I have enjoyed sharing my love of Star Wars trivia with my kids but it just hurts too much at the moment to spend time thinking about a franchise that has been so  badly mangled. I’m probably in the bargaining stage of grief at the moment. I wholly buy the theory that there was happy ending filmed and someone blinked in the game of chicken, leaving us the mess that we were handed.

I’m also planning to get back to writing. If even Disney can’t tell a fairy tale properly anymore, it’s time for a new batch of writers to get out there and tell the stories I want to hear. I am sick of grimdark fantasies and cynicism masquerading as sophistication. I may write a fanfic or two to fix the story in my mind, but I think that ultimately I need to be creating original works. I know that there are children eager to believe in happy endings, plenty of women who believe that Byronic heroes can be redeemed, and not a few men who will buy both if the story is well told.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 4

Note: I will be editing parts of the quotes from the original preview to reflect the way they appear in the final product. So if something is written like this it means it’s no longer in the book, and this indicates that something’s been added. This is so that I don’t have to explain in complex detail how things have changed if the changes are minor.

Don’t worry, this will stop once we get to more new content. 

Girls shouldn’t be space pirates.

Those were the last words Dex had said to his ex, and, well, look how that turned out. He was eating those words now.

Fike, the irony stung.

What’s with female authors constantly writing meaningless sexism and then have their characters PROVING THE MENZ WRONG.

Like I get that it’s a bit of a power fantasy and everyone wants some payback for being underestimated, but it’s always dumb bullshit like this that serves no other purpose than to impress or prove the male characters wrong by DOING MANLY BADASS THINGS.

I can’t articulate what I’m feeling properly but you get my point, right? The MENZ always end up being proven wrong, but only when the female characters do traditionally masculine-coded things, because not only do female characters need to prove themselves to men, the only talents worth respect are those that men are “supposed” to have.

Whatever, moving on.

Update: That whole chunk of text has been removed. Thankfully.

Dex is a dude who used to teach/date (???) Andi and is now hunting her because ... she ... lied to and cheated on him? Something like that. I guess we’ll find out. He’s the one in charge of the hunt and he’s NOT PLEASED.

A female captain was one thing. But a whole rutting ship full of girls?

You need to settle on your dumb conlang curses or on old-timey curses you saw used in [some SJM series]. You can’t have both “fike,” whatever that is, and “rutting” in the same book. I mean you can, but it’ll look like this, aka garbage.

Update: This comment has also been removed. 

Leave it to the Bloody Baroness, the most ruthless space pirate in the galaxy, to get the best of the best.

[...]

Also leave it to the Bloody Baroness, Dex thought, as he stared at her photograph, to get me to work with the Arcardian Patrolmen.

BLOODY BARONESS WILL NEVER BE INTIMIDATING, I’M SORRY.

And yeah, for some reason, in this HYPER-TECH FUTURE, they still have photographs?

Also, why does Dex think that wanting good people to work for you is somehow unique or particularly impressive?

Whatever. We have a quick flashback to Dex’s latest meeting with Andi. Y’all need to see this so I’ll just post the entire thing:

She was standing in the shadows of a pleasure palace, a Holo cyborg dancing in the window behind her. Androma’s pale, ghostlike hair was streaked with purple, which was new, and peeked out from beneath a black hood, pulled low over her face. He could just barely make out her glowing grey eyes and the smooth metallic plates on her cheekbones, a defensive body mod she’d had done years before. But he could make out the rest of her: perfect curves beneath a sleek, skintight leather bodysuit; the hilt of a knife sticking out from her black boots. And, of course, outside of the hooded cape, her trademark glowing katanas swords strapped across her back like an X of death.

I was gonna make a remark about how people Sasha’s age probably should know better than to write garbage like this, but then I remembered that her KWEEN SJM is 30+, so nevermind.

And yes, Andi has fucking KATANAS. And they are AN EXXX OF DETTHH.

I’m cackling.

Update: So um ... Let’s talk about those edits, shall we? Andi’s eyes are no longer glowing, and as much as I’m happy they toned it down (I wish), this is really the last of their starshined problem.

She has metallic plates on her cheekbones now, which ... let’s examine some official art (from the book trailer):

The art is kind of inconsistent, but those are not on her cheekbones, but on her cheeks. And frankly it looks terrible, as a concept. I would guess it’s the result of miscommunication, but since this is on the official website, I’m assuming Shinsay approved this.

And how is this a defensive mod? She couldn’t have her skull reinforced with titanium or some shit? Ah, yes, the most vulnerable part of the head: the cheek/bone. You gotta protect ‘em! 

Also, I don’t wanna shit on a fellow artist, but I have to say: Idk who this artist is that they got this job but I thought Shinsay would have enough money to hire someone who understands perspective and facial anatomy.

Dex Dogtective is having a BAD TIME trying to catch the Marauder, so he complains about their own ships.

Here I am, the ship seemed to say. Large and in charge and as slow as a rhinoceratops.

I just wanted to include this so y’all could see RHINOCERATOPS.

Update: This line has been changed and is now: Here I am, the ship seemed to say. Large and in charge and as undercover as a Xen Pterran carriage slug.

Also here’s what Dex apparently looks like (from the artist’s Instagram): 

That’s the face of someone who sniffs dirty underwear.

Dex then wanks on about how hot the Marauder is. No, really:

A sleek, beautiful beast that looked to be made of the stars in which it swam.

Deadly and delicious, all varillium glass in the shape of an arrowhead, now concealed by metal shields to protect it during the chase.

He probably has a secret porn stash of plane schematics.

Some little dork comes up to Dex to declare that the Marauder is “making an interesting move,” because I guess the carrier pigeons are dead.

He looked up at the youngest Patrolman on his dedicated crew, a boy just barely of age, who’d never seen battle. Who didn’t know the feeling of blood on scarred hands.

He doesn’t seem like he’s there for battle anyway, considering the fact that he’s near the captain at the moment, is the one delivering the update, and likely isn’t a part of the ground troops.

Update: He looked up at the youngest Patrolman on the ship, a boy no older than fifteen with slitted reptilian nostrils. A boy who’d never seen battle. Who didn’t know the feeling of blood on scarred hands.

Why does he have slitted reptilian nostrils? Is he a particular type of alien? A mutated human? Voldemort? Why do you explain Lira’s whole deal for three paragraphs and then just go “meh, he’s got a weird nose” for this dude? You couldn’t even just throw in a random collection of letters and pretend it’s the name of a type of alien? 

Effort who?

But what is this “interesting move?”

“We aren’t able to catch up to them, as we’d previously hoped.”

Their “interesting move” is ... outrunning them? Like I know what the “interesting move” is, but the way it’s written is so stupid and makes no sense. Who would say this? Dex asks the guy specifically to “use his words” to explain their “interesthing move,” and all he gets is “shit shit we can’t catch up.”

Seriously, who edited this?

Update: Someone edited this as best they could, I guess, because his reply has been changed to “It seems they’re charting a course for the asteroid belt.” 

Does this change anything? No.

The boy asks for orders and Dex tells him to fuck off.

“The rest of you,” Dex said, unbuckling his harness and standing up from his seat, voice rising to a roar, “will catch me that fiking damned ship!”

The glory of his rage was lost in another explosion.

I suspect the glory of his rage was lost some time before that.

Can we just take a moment to go over the dialogue here?

Boy: They’re making an interesting move!

Dex: What’s the move?

Boy: We can’t catch up to them like we hoped! They’re heading towards the asteroid belt!

Dex: I KNEW IT!!

Boy: What should we do?

Dex: GO CRAP YOUR PANTS SOMEWHERE ELSE. THE REST OF YOU: CATCH UP TO THAT SHIP AND GET IT FOR ME!

That was a nonversation. Who put Dex in charge? Is he the Captain of Redundant Orders? He was literally told that they aren’t able to catch up and need to rethink their strategy, and he’s like CATCH ME THAT SHIP.

One of their engines gets fucked.

Dex tumbled into the metal siding, his anger tumbling with him.

Multi-level tumbling.

Update: This has been changed to: Dex’s temper rose as he unclasped his harness and toppled against the metal siding.

Why did he unclasp his harness twice? Or is there a difference between unbuckling and unclasping?

Dex thinks it’s time to take matters into his own ... claws?

Dex squeezed his fists. The pilot flinched back as a triangular blade sprung out of each of Dex’s gloves, just over his knuckles. “Move the fike over.”

Or he’ll scratch you to death with his kittycat claws.

Update: Dex squeezed his fists. The pilot flinched back as four crimson triangular blades sprung out of each of Dex’s gloves, just over his knuckles. “Move over.” 

I’m so fiking mad that they removed fike, so I’ve decided to bring it the fike back, just like we all fiking deserve.

And obviously one blade isn’t enough, you gotta have FOUR, and they gotta be CRIMSON, like the BLOOD OF HIS ENEMIES. How else will you communicate that he’s HARDCORE. 

He could hear commotion in the background, the sound of the pilot’s whining voice as he phoned Cyprian, a glorious tattle-tale.

Yet another Smaas-ism. And this sentence is a trainwreck.

Update: He could hear a commotion in the background, the sound of the pilot’s whining voice as he commed the general. Pathetic tattletale.

Did Shinsay read my first snark or what? So many of my favorite bits have been changed and I hate it.

“You were right,” [the co-pilot] said. “They’re heading for the Asteroid Belt.”

Of course I’m right, Dex wanted to say. Androma always runs until she finds a place to hide.

Damn that wily Androma, always running when she doesn’t want to get caught and hiding when she doesn’t want to be found! Only she could come up with such outside-the-box, wild card strategies!

Update: The copilot, a man covered in purple spikes, stared at Dex openmouthed. “You were right,” he said, his massive canines visible. “They’re heading for Gollanta.”

Shinsay, are you gonna explain your random aliens or what?

Dex sets up a trap for the Marauder in the asteroid belt and we end on this:

Androma was good at what she did. But so was Dex. 

And besides, a prodigy protégée could only outrun her master for so long.

Androma has literally nothing to do with the ship moving too fast for them to catch, but ok, whatever.

[mirceakitsune]

Aryion (Eka's Portal) is now purging users over COVID discussion

Some important clarification before we begin: I wanted this journal to be less of a mad rant and more of a much needed discussion, thus I'll be more calm and rational unlike my previous rants. I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about this but I felt I needed to, both to get it off my chest and to try sparking some debate over what the hell is going on on this planet. Please read and share this one especially if you care for freedom to speak. My goal isn't to point fingers at the website over how I was treated, but to raise awareness and address what's happening online and offline alike. I'll try to be balanced and describe what happened accurately, though of course this represents my own perspective.

Two days ago I was shocked by a completely unexpected decision by the admin of Eka's Portal to permanently ban me from the platform, after over 10 years of being an active user who never even dreamed of starting trouble there. It followed a blog I posted in the night of Joe Biden's inauguration. The reason for my ban wasn't any of the harsh things I said about that, despite my journal being a rather heated rant on society and politics: It came from one obscure sentence in the middle of the post, in which my only crime was to use the term "imaginary deadly pandemic". If anyone finds this surprising you read correctly: It was confirmed to be the cause, I was not informed of any other reason except for that particular sentence. To the satisfaction of those who see me as a heretic, I've been depressed baffled and even more deep in thought after this happened out of nowhere: It's a community I cared a lot about, followed art and spoke with friends on, and there are both artists I watched there and friends I spoke to who I may not be able to find elsewhere. Despite explaining this as well as what I'll say below to the admin, I'm still seen as someone who committed a capital crime by using those words; I won't reveal exact details from a private discussion without permission, but will say I felt addressed as someone who just committed a murder for which I'm irredeemable and deserve to be hung at the gallows.

Before I proceed let's clarify some things. First of all I don't deny that COVID exists in some form and there is some kind of pandemic going on; I didn't use the term "imaginary pandemic" but rather "imaginary DEADLY pandemic" as my intent was to address the apocalyptic hysteria surrounding this flu. I think anyone, especially among those who have doubts about what's happening, could easily find themselves using such a choice of words... I understand they weren't accurate and ideal, but they were no obscene crime that should terrify anyone in such a way nor warrant such an extreme reaction. I also shouldn't need to explain that a vent journal is something you write in a moment of distress to calm down: It's not a moment when people use the best choice of words and will carefully read everything they say before they say it, which to my knowledge isn't considered a crime and is something people generally do. Needless to say that sentence was in no way intended to tell people to do anything: In no form did I suggest anyone to not wear a mask, even to not get that vaccine despite having huge concerns about it and expressing them indirectly. The actual discussion was about the way COVID was added on top of racial justice as a means of dividing people between good and bad while controlling them through fear. Despite this I was accused of "spreading misinformation", a term that's recently become popular and is used to shut down people who have different opinions from the mainstream. I pledged that if I were unbanned, I would cease all social and political discussion on the site, to prevent any risk of such a thing happening again... despite even this I'm still considered someone who's sole purpose was to spread disinformation, despite such discussion taking place in secondary journals while my main reason for being there was community related stuff.

This event was a self fulfilling prophecy, which exemplified exactly the things I've been ranting about like a madman for the past months, which many surely thought I was exaggerating with: The rise of radicalism fueled by fear... which first started with things like racial justice or child safety, and is now doubled down by this pandemic story. Whether or not COVID-19 really is a public health crisis in secondary plane, what it is first and foremost is a social and political crisis! A rift is growing even faster dividing people between two categories: The chad mainstreamist who follows the science and is politically correct and a responsible citizen, versus the virgin conspiracist who thinks people in powerful positions aren't always right and is a fascist for disagreeing with what the mainstream declared is truth or justice. The first category has every social right that's still available to the general population, while the second needs to be "socially exterminated" because their beliefs make them a danger to others; You no longer matter as a person, the only thing that matters is if you're on our side or not! This is what's now being implemented by those who not long ago preached tolerance and being decent toward others no matter their beliefs.

COVID brought an existing freedom of speech crisis to a new level: We're at the stage where addressing a flu by the wrong pronouns can get you removed from a community you've been with for a third of your life. And I know what many will say: A private entity censoring you isn't the same thing as the government doing it. Which I fully agree with, government regulation is by far the scariest beast here! However this doesn't mean it's not a problem at all... it's a very big problem as many of us are recently learning: Literally anything you say, no matter how random or seemingly insignificant, puts you at great risk... to the point where it's practically unsafe to have any social conversation in any community you care about unless you're carefully going to say what everyone likes to hear. This is absolutely unhealthy, we live in a sick world and barely anyone even notices it... one that has NOTHING to do with the way I imagined modern society even 5 years ago let alone as I grew up. It's an unimaginable regression back into 1930's - 1960's era strictness: This is no free world, it's an "everyone in line" type of strict that mirrors Chinese if not North Korean mentality and social design, this abomination is a parody of hell itself.

I predict no one will escape being affected unless something is done to change course immediately. Certain people seem to think that because they're on the "good side" it's someone else's problem, only those who disagree with them have to suffer which is great from their perspective. Remember that the world is changing: Today the planet freaks out over COVID or racism... eventually those things will go away, and in their place new ones will be added by those who enjoy or need division: Racism will be replaced with some other ism... once people get bored of fearing COVID or everyone becomes immune to it, the medical industry will likely identify the new most aggressive virus in circulation and continue the trend with that... it's possible that entirely new controversies we can't even imagine now will be put in circulation. At some point it's going to be something you too no longer agree with: Once you dare to speak incorrectly of what the world decided, you'll be the next to see what it's like to be this lesser person who everyone treats like a leper that's plaguing others. Will you shut up and pretend to agree with everyone even if you don't, fearing that if you're outed as a "disagreer" you'll be the next to go?

Back to the issue at hand, from a perspective on how the internet works: Many people, including the creator of the practical internet Tim Berners Lee, agree that entities have too much power over individuals. If Google or Facebook or Twitter don't like you, you will be shut down and told to find another platform to migrate to, ignoring the fact that they're in limited supply and all suffer from the same issues often using the same criteria. Fandoms such as furries or vore fans suffer from this too at a smaller scale: If Dragoneer or someone he appointed moderator are having a bad day, good luck finding each of your favorite artists there on another art site... a problem that may be worse on Eka's Portal as it's also a big community but ran more directly by one admin, who in the past I praised but can now see their judgment is unbalanced and bound to harm some users. To me this indicates the internet was poorly designed... which makes some sense since until 5 years ago no one thought the web would need to resist an ideological onslaught that will infiltrate every community and make one half of the world turn against the other. For a long time I've dreamed of building a fully decentralized platform, which could act as both an art gallery and an alternative to Youtube and forums. Unfortunately I don't have the knowledge nor energy to make such a thing, though this experience has me thinking back to that plan... I should leave this one up to a future journal.

I feel like saying more but am unsure what I could possibly say any more. At this point part of me wants to go in full isolation: I expect this sort of thing to keep happening, and until it starts affecting even more people the majority won't realize how bad it's getting. I don't know to what extent I even want to create content any more... for who am I creating it, how worth it is the effort spend on every project, where can I even safely post it any more? I need to keep my Patreon going, but even there I barely make any income, and as of this month I can no longer use the money anyway since Payoneer is being a pest about agreeing to send a new card. I'll be honest: Part of me wants to try and end it again, you can't understand how much... I won't because I know it's wrong, plus I live with my mother who I don't want to put through more hardships. Some of us weren't meant to live on this world, I can tell you all this for a fact. If I had any idea it would be like this I'd have refused to be born on this Earth and experience this life even if it meant fighting the gods themselves! This world is irredeemable, I don't see it ever coming back from the low it's fallen to... if another giant meteor hit it would truly be an act of mercy to all.

[bluriginals]

Quest for the Northwest Review

@gfdeepwoods @mysteryseeker

Sorry to keep you waiting!

It's been a long time coming, but it finally came! Not only since the last Blu Blogs (all the way back in March; yikes!) but since I made the promise to provide a review of Quest for the Northwest for a member of its crew (all the way back in June). Now I know what you're thinking and I will tackle these thoughts in order of importance:

1.) What's Quest of the Northwest?

It's the first installment of Gravity Falls: Deep Woods, a fanimatic based series chronicling some adventures in between the normal episodes of Gravity Falls

2.) jesus /march/

yes i know i'm awful

3.) Someone requested you to review their stuff?

i know it's so exciting!

ok maybe none of you were thinking that but i was and it was so flattering and cool and stuffs

4.) Does this have anything to do with the Mystery Hut review?

Only vaguely; MysterySeeker (who I'm assuming is running the project) saw it and thought I was apparently good at this so they asked me to throw some of my...'me' their way.

5.) You promised this review in mid July and it's almost October. What do you have to say about that, HydroPants?

Uuuuuuuuh...there's my ride?

Now in my defense, the first part was released January 16th and the second Hirsch Day and that's a 5 month wait so if anything I'm like, 3 months fashionably early!

Read and weep, boys.

Alright alright, in all seriousness deepest apologies for me taking SO long to get to this. Getting that feedback on time is likely important for whatever you guys are doing with Deep Woods moving forward and it's just plain unprofessional. Really sorry to you all! But enough apologizing, let's get to the review of...

If you haven't already watched it, you should check out part 1 here .

As I stated before, I might not have known about this or looked into without my Mystery Hut review and as I stated there, I was really hyping that project up. Since then I've learned to abolish hopes/dreams and reject happiness, but the thumbnail did give a good first impression. It had a well-crafted quality to it and had been made specifically TO be the thumbnail. This really contributed to my gut feeling that Quest for the Northwest would really be something special. And let me tell you it is DEFINITELY really good. However, rather than talking about it on its own, allow me to spend the entire review judging it not only by its own merits, but by comparing it to Mystery Hut. Naaah, just kidding I'll leave that ol' coot alone. Before I we go in on the story, let's talk about the presentation. Oh my.

Presentation

This presentation is just /amazing/. It's really like taking a step back into Gravity Falls as if nothing's changed (as much as you can in an animatic sense). Starting off with the sound direction, Quest for the Northwest has a distinct element that truly gives it the GF edge any project attempting to emulate the original series needs: the music and audio cues. Brad Breeck's music fills the scenes it needs to and adds to the atmosphere so much. However we aren't dealing with Johnny Test or a 4Kids dub here; the fanimatic knows when to stop talking and deliver some golden silence.

This example from early in the episode where Mrs. Northwest discourages Pacifica from playing with the commoners utilizes sound cues in a way that emphasizes what happens in it

I can't think of a true example of silence off of the top of my head, and it's likely that many scenes use a more lowkey part of the OST, but that works towards the same objective: quieter, more somber moments that appropriately juxtapose the louder ones. It never feels like these silences are too long, awkward, or the result of someone flubbing a line or not being able to think up some dialogue to put in the place of said silence. Speaking of flubbing lines, there's basically none of that: the casting and voice direction are extremely solid. I feel as though some of the people from Mystery Hut (THIS AND TWO THINGS LATER WILL BE ONLY COMPARISONS I SWEAR) may be 'reprising' their roles in Quest for the Northwest (which will hence forth be abbreviated as QftNW) and if they are I gotta give some shout outs to them and the voice director because the delivery and inflections of every line are just right and more. You really get a sense of the emotions and mindset of the characters with every word they say and on the whole the inflections feel very reminiscent of GF. Dipper, Pacifica, Jeff and Preston while not perfect matches are honestly good substitutes and deliver every one of their lines the way you'd imagine the real VAs to. Soos is honestly spot on aside from not being as deep but the real star of the show is Mabel. Though she isn't a near perfect match like Soos, whenever I hear her voice actress speak I can actually feel those Kristen Schaal-isms in her; not just through her dialogue but how she says certain words and just her voice in general. There's even special attention to detail in some places like when Jeff's voice breaks when he's pepper sprayed and in some instances, you can even tell what a character is saying based on their mouth in a single frame.

You can EASILY tell that Jeff's saying something with an 'L' sound, and while you don't have to mark little things like this in boards unless they're really important, I appreciate it a lot.

The only gripes I have with the sound (and they're admittedly minor) is that I feel like Part 1 is a bit quiet, even at max volume and Snadger's hiss audio in part 2 is loud. Like, if you have it at 100% prepare to get that faux jumpscare chord feel. But these really are nothing in comparison to the great sound in this fanimatic.

Upon my first viewing of the episode I was blown away at how well-crafted and consistent the art was. I could NOT believe that there were that many boarders; 4 at most. But I found myself shocked to see a plethora of different artists names flash on screen during the credits (16 to be exact; 4 times as many as appeared). On the second viewing, I was definitely able to distinguish more than 4 styles, but 16 is still WAY more than I'd ever guess. It's just so consistently good, on-model, and expressive, its many artists are able to carry it together with pride.

This shot in particular is really pretty, so I wanted to highlight it :)

Sure there'd be occasional hiccups like Dipper and Mabel's heads being squarshed in some frames or the first portion of Jeff's beast slaying plot but you still get a genuine sense of effort from each and every frame/artist and (Mystery Hut comparison incoming) not ONCE does it ever stoop the low, haphazard inconsistencies and disregard of the Gravity Falls artstyle as Mystery Hut did. In fact, it goes so much further beyond that. Just...take a look.

(Nearly) Every. Single. Face in this project oozes with the Falls. I absolutely loved it and it was a pure joy to look at. Not a second goes where something isn't moving and it's in the best way: each frame is logical and compliments the one preceding and succeeding it. I can honestly imagine so many of these frames transitioning smoothly from one to the other in animation and this level of attention to detail and desire to express a genuine Gravity Falls experience is commendable to say the least.

They remembered dramatic, shading using close-ups and in some shots they even bothered to put in unique towns people that fit the style! Cute!

But the biggest thing of all that propels this to new heights artistically has got to be the understanding of the characters.

QftNW has such a great understanding of Gravity Falls' characters not only in how they talk but equally as important: how their physical body works in relation to other objects as well as themselves.

Dipper's (audience) right hand has such a nice depth to it and the way Pacifica's hair bends on the bench looks like it jumped straight outta the show.

But there's on example that stood out to me above the rest. Just...look at this beautiful  8 frame scene where Dipper and Mabel take off their Pacifica costumes.

Forgot how tumblr shrinks wide images like this, so here: bask in the full glory of these frames!

Whoever drew this is my Super Star, the 1-Up Boy (or Girl). It's on model, it understands how the individual 'pieces' of Dipper and Mabel work (hair, arms, face etc.), it has touches like their changing facial expressions and Dipper turning his hat forward. I just can't do it justice this scene is so /good/. MysterySeeker when you get to this, please give that boarder special shout outs. I love this scene so much aaaaaaaaaah

Alright that's enough gushing about the glorious art and sound. There's one last remark I'd like to make about the presentation. The episode managed to get in a special monochromatic full version of theme which is great, but in the end the episode totaled out to /27/ minutes. Now, if that's what they want to go with that's absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with having your Gravity Falls fan series run a couple over the normal limit. But if they really want to go for that Gravity Falls feeling they should cut 5 of those minutes.

Story and Characters

Quest for the Northwest's basic premise is that Dipper and Mabel decide to go out to a parade being held to honor the election of the holder of the best running gag, Tyler Cutebiker. However upon seeing a miserable Pacifica in the parade Dipper and Mabel (mostly Mabel) callout to her and try to get her away from the parade and by extent her parents. All isn't right however as with Jeff's role as leader being questioned due to his inability to find a new queen, the town's precious princess may find herself in more trouble than she's bargained for. The basic story definitely shows lots of promise, particularly in the idea of having an episode where the Pines twins both interact with Pacifica. But before we really go in on that let me talk about the structural elements that hold up this story.

As stated in the presentation section, the visuals here are on point and they really propel the episode forward with great action based gags, both subtle and dynamic. Jeff rubbing his eyes after being pepper sprayed and Preston's reactions to all of the filthy commoners being near him (Soos especially) added to the scene SO much.

Don't touch me, PEON. And on a similar note...

Don't touch me phone, PEON.

The characters aren't just moving through each scene as lifeless dolls, occasionally making flanderized quips that are supposed to remind you "YUP THAT'S THEM". That wasn't uh, that wasn't supposed to be a Mystery Hut sneak diss either I just wanted to say that the characterization is great. Speaking of that third Mystery Hut diss, it's finally time to get to it as we talk about the characterization. Mabel's characterization is MILES better than it is in Mystery Hut. There she was a spouting faux-Mabel non-sequiturs and generally being a flanderized nuisance. But here? Her dialogue isn't substanceless; it's endearing, and smart, and feels SO Mabel. And being that this is QftNW, it's not just her dialogue. It's her actions. How she moves and the things she does: licking the beard hair twice (and ultimately eating some at the very end), her "balloon sense" in scene 2, picking the cotton candy off the bench when they hear people calling for Pacifica and then sliding next to them when they look behind the wall.

It culminates into making Mabel feel well represented and because she's one of our two protagonists, it's pretty important to have her on point. And that my friends is that LAST you'll hear of Mystery Hut for the rest of this review. Probably ;)

I think that Pacifica was handled really well too! Some fans would've had her be a complete 180 from her appearance in Northwest Mansion Mystery, having her be all nice, and kind, and forcing Padippica down our throats in a way that feels unnatural, Pacifica still retains a lot of her personality. She's clearly only JUST learning to be better person and it's the gradual type of character development that I love to see.

Pacifica says "It's ok, most people are terrible at what they do." and not only is this a funny line but it feels perfect for a kid who's only steadily learning to drop her rich girl tendencies.

Sort of reminds me of the Steven Universe episode "Beta" where Peridot is showing Amethyst and Steven the Beta Kindergarten and making remarks about the gems that emerged there that really bring out her more Homeworld-like habits.

Jeff's pretty well-handled as well. Due to him being more of a recurring character in the series he's got nothing that really stands out but he's still well represented, especially in relation to the show. Basically all of his dialogue feels right at home with him. Though there is one action he takes in the story that particularly stands out, and that's retrying the Norman scheme from Tourist Trapped. I know this seems like the type of thing that'd I normally whine about and call forced reference/fan-pandering, but the way it goes about is such a unique parallel to Dipper and Mabel's encounter. The Gnomes are NOT the smartest creatures in Gravity Falls, so it makes perfect sense for them to double down on such a make-shift plot. It further expands on the parallel by having the plot fall apart very plainly. Him stumbling over his words, dropping the hand, and just coming on too strong coupled with Pacifica not buying it at any point and eventually fighting her way out is a serves as a smart subversion of Mabel's encounter with them, helps advance the plot in a unique direction. On the topic of throwbacks that brings us to Dipper and well...

For the most part I believe Dipper's also himself. At first I was thinking he was being a bit of a downer but honestly, it fits Dipper to be resistant against things like going to the parade. Him not thinking about Pacifica's huge milestone in Northwest Mansion Mystery (NMM) where she disobeys her parents is a little bit harsh but things really go over the edge when after the twins manage to get Pacifica off the float, Pacifica mentions that while appreciative, she doesn't want to be caught with them for fear of more punishment from her parents. Dipper replies to this by saying "See Mabel, she hasn't changed at all. And here I thought you were gonna start trying to break the world's worst chain".

Barring the fact that reprising the "world's worst chain" in the context of demeaning Pacifica comes off as absolutely brutal seeing as the line was such a landmark part of NMM (it was the thing that made Pacifica finally consider a change of heart), it feels very forced. Dipper didn't need to say something that cut so deep AGAIN especially after Pacifica saved ALL of their lives not out of obligation but out of wanting to do the right thing. And that's just the world's worst chain part; the fact that he says she hasn't changed at all? Way too much. And considering that she's just doing something as little as running away from a boring parade and not tricking Dipper into exorcising a ghost it was really unwarranted for him to go nuclear on her like that. Honestly this is the only instance of bad writing in this entire fanimatic. Like, Pacifica not wanting to consistently disobey her hella strict parents again makes sense. Has the Fear of God never been put into this boy by Mr. and Ms. Pines?

But don't let this minor blemish make you think it's NO good. The episode's writing is honestly SO good. And it's referential/injoke humor definitely isn't a hit or miss in most cases. You know, based on the fact that I gave 1 hit example and 1 miss example; I didn't want it to come off as QftNW being a crapshoot when it comes to reference jokes. It's very subtle but you can catch things like 'Dope Dog', an obvious reference to Cool Cat who we all probably know from YMS, Pizza Guy being jibbed YET again,

Shout outs to whoever boarded the first montage too btw

Alex Hirsch's face being on the TV and name somewhere else in the episode, the former Mayor's honorary statue and the fact that it has 2012 on it,

You guys KNOW they would've had to vague the date if this was a real episode.

And best of all Pacifica's response at the end when asked if she wants to visit the shack. If you don't get it, listen to how she responds to Dipper. You'll get it. QftNW is just plain good at balancing the worlds of emulation and fandom. I salute you fair fanimatic.

As you could guess from how much I've gushed about the characterization, the writing is a joy. The jokes are very much Gravity Falls and from start to finish this episode is doing its best to give you that feel when you have GF.

On first viewing this had me /ROLLING/, oh my god. What a great way to start off an episode.

And it keeps this kind of stuff up throughout its entire run. BTW shout outs to one of the guys who said "MS. NORTHWEST" while they were looking for her. This is so random but the way one of them said it honestly sounded like professional VA work. He knows who he is. Alright that's enough goofing around. How do I feel about the actual plot, the meat of the story separated from the writing/art framework? As stated before I truly believe this to be a great fanimatic. Its production efforts are high for a fanmade project and you can just tell lots of love and heart were put into every aspect of it. But if I'm being quite honest, I found the actual plot sort of weak. The writing itself was top notch so that did it a lot of favors but if you take a step back, you realize that not a lot really happens. Like, a lot HAPPENS but not a lot of substance happens. The episode deals with two primary conflicts: Pacifica trying to take a break from her daily routine and avoid her parents and Jeff trying to prove he's a worthy leader. Both are handled in a pretty straight forward manner: Pacifica avoids her parents all day and worries how they'll react, Dipper and Mabel come up with a valid excuse less than half way through the episode; Jeff tries to kidnap Pacifica, fails, the kids pity him and help him out by doing the classical costume farce and all is well. It's lacking the strong character plot (ex. Mabel questioning if she is a good person in Last Mabelcorn, Dipper confessing his crush in Into the Bunker, Dipper and Mabel wondering if Stan is really what he seems in well, Not What He Seems, Soos learning how to deal with girls/the fear of being alone in Soos and the Real Girl etc.) present in nearly every Gravity Falls episode. Even the segments within Bottomless Pit! and Little Gift Shop of Horrors managed to place some significant character plots that easily feel just as strong as the real episode's despite them not actually happening. Here minor conflicts arise, but they're never anything that hard to surmount or quite frankly, that interesting. After letting it sit with me for a while, I realized that

1.) The episode has two montages. Not that having two is some abominable sin they should've avoided at all costs, in fact montage 1 is great for giving an abridged showcase of the kids day together. Montage 2 on the other hand doesn't exist to parallel montage 1 (showing an advancement/decline), or show anything of interest in general. It's just your normal training montage. It has funny jokes but it seems sort of excessive. Montage 2's results are a total flop and result in them having to think up a b plan. The fact that montage 2 is ultimately not important isn't even lampshaded, in fact it's more played as unfortunate with how Jeff nearly cries. I'm not saying that montage 2's failure should've been played for laughs, especially since in episode the failure is punctuated by a gag, just that in the end montage 2 was a bit cliche and unnecessary.

2.) Pacifica's presence in the second half feels sort of extra and as if it's there primarily so we can get more Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica relationship-growing-time fanservice. Which is not to say that is at ALL a bad thing (the bit in the last scene before the credits scene is SO cute and not forced at all I love it), but when you're trying to write a good story, particularly a Gravity Falls one, having a strong central conflict to carry the episode is pretty imperative. One easy example I can think of off of the top of my head? There could've easily been parallels drawn between Jeff and Pacifica and the pressure from the obligations they have to their families. Jeff on his only simply isn't that compelling a character and making him into a compelling character that late into Gravity Falls isn't that beneficial. He isn't locked out of development due to being a recurring character, but having him have his own little arc that ultimately contributes to Pacifica's (a major character) would've been a better choice. There's obviously more than one way to do things, but that's something I thought would've worked out well.

3.) The title "Quest for the Northwest" doesn't reflect the episode's contents. Jeff's easily apprehended by Pacifica so there's no such quest to speak of and it isn't a clever bait-and-switch title like "The Ricklantis Mixup" because Pacifica defeating the gnomes on her own isn't the big bait of the episode, it's just a nice little parallel to Dipper and Mabel's encounter. Had it actually been about Pacifica being kidnapped and Dipper and Mabel going on a quest to save her whilst say, Pacifica decides to help Jeff out of pity after she breaks free on her own, eventually coming into her own as someone who's taking the first steps to being a better person, THEN it could've been called Quest for the Northwest. It would have the double meaning of not only Dipper and Mabel being on a quest to save Pacifica (the Northwest), but Pacifica being dealt her own 'quest' in helping Jeff out. But that's just me spitting out a specific theoretical I liked, there's tons of ways the title "Quest for the Northwest" could've been justified. The episode's plot just isn't one of them.

4.) Last and certainly least, the black eyebrowed Gnome who's clearly trying to usurp Jeff really isn't relevant. He's shown as the leader of this growing insurgence, but all he really does is talk mad game in two scenes and get absolutely destroyed in an admittedly funny scene. He didn't need to be his own character and the gnomes dissatisfaction could've been more properly represented with a mob rather than a man...urr, gnome. But really, this is a drop in the bucket compared to the bigger issues presented in #1 and #2. Had those been more refined this would just be an outlier rather than a cherry on top of a problem cake. A single layer problem cake mind you, but still a problem cake.

But enough of the negative: in the end Quest for the Northwest is a satisfying episode that captures the soul of Gravity Falls magnificently well despite its faults. An absolute must see for Gravity Falls fans, and if you for some reason read this review without watching it, check it out part 1 and part 2 here. There's plenty to see both writing, visual and gagwise that I didn't spoil, and honestly? Not seeing it is a disservice if you like Gravity Falls a lot. Definitely worth a watch. 8/10; MUCH better than Sonic Lost World.

th-that's my thing now guys. any time i give a number rating it's also quantitatively compared to sonic lost world u

Anyway enough of me babbling, if you enjoyed this fanimatic like I, you should check out their tumblr page for updates on whatever they have in the works . Pretty sure the next episode coming is being titled "Deep-Rooted Misunderstanding" so look out for that, cause I know I will! And while you're here, you might as well check out some of the rest of the this blog and see if you find anything you like. Stay tuned because next week, we're going to be talking about Sonic Forces and/or Mario Odysse-- on second thought let me not get back on my bullshit and promise next week, see you guys in june lmfao

[phaelosopher]

New Post has been published on http://www.phaelosopher.com/2020/07/08/one-nation-under-the-flaw/

One Nation Under the FLAW

The amount of money being spent for “it (a new vaccine) working” is irrelevant. The money is being spent because the new vaccine will work just the way old ones have, and have always been intended. They disrupt a natural biological process in a self-contained ecosystem, which results in what are called “diseases”. The self-contained ecosystem, which we call an “immune system”, responds to the chemical invasion. Said responses are named new “diseases” for which new vaccines are developed and SOLD. The game has been running for over 200 years.

While the names change, the one constant is the steady decline in overall HEALTH, and a stead rise in new “diseases”.

With the focus on “diseases,” both the “heroes” (doctors) and their “victims” (patients/public) attention is diverted away from the sources and causes of the problem: which are the vaccines themselves, and the disruptive effect they have on the natural, intelligent ecosystem that they are *forced* to invade.

This is a well-oiled and highly profitable machine which is not going to see itself for what it is; which part of an ongoing holocaust, not just against Americans, but against the whole of humanity.

Sure, we’re supposed to look at each other with caution, suspicion and scorn. We’re to keep our distance from each other; steer clear because some potential nastiness that may come our way. We’re to suspect or fear our neighbor, but keep some chemical nearby just to make us “safe” just in case we touch something “nasty”.

Who can argue with that?

We are encouraged to think that we have no defense against the little tiny bastards, fully unaware that our immune system is working, and is always working, even when we’re ignorantly, if not proudly, abusing and further compromising it.

We’re supposed to cover our mouths and noses… “it won’t matter, they tell us.” It means that you’re being NICE! Even if you think it does matter. “WE SAY IT DOESN’T, AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT *WE* TELL YOU!!!” (if you know what’s good for you.)

Am I exaggerating?

How’s that attitude working for you?

You’re supposed to submit to these authoritarian edicts on the advice of people who are invested financially in your following their advice, and stand to profit greatly if you are hooked into their scheme. Some are profiting already, selling off their shares of stock in at least one of the companies listed in the article below.

The experts get ample air time on television programs to fan the flames, to give their latest opinion on what is best to do.

Your freedoms and common sense are not important to these people, nor their accomplices in government. These “lawmakers” are, in fact, FLAWMAKERS. They’re making FLAWS all over the place; which will EACH have to be corrected when enough people WAKE UP and call an end to the game.

Ambitious FLAWMAKER Gov. Jay Inslee (D. WA). IMAGE SOURCE: seattlepi.com

Under-Estimated Human Resilience?

The COVID-19 planners couldn’t even *pay* enough medical caregivers (most of which have no clue of the manipulation) to KILL patients (by intubation) who came in during the fear escalation. To compensate, they now justify continued restrictions on the increase in CASES.

IN EITHER EVENT, THE HUMAN IMMUNE SYSTEM APPEARS TO BE MORE RESILIENT THAN THESE ASSHOLES THINK. OR, the coronavirus and COVID-19 aren’t nearly the “threat” that THEY *THINK* IT IS, or what it to be.

I would be concerned for the people who rushed in to be “tested”, having their nasal passages invaded and irritated with who-knows-what. But even then, the immune system is more resilient and capable than we think. Our challenge is to learn how to help it rather than put ourselves in the care and advice of those who would take it down further.

We need to know more about our physiology and how it works; not from “experts” in DISEASE, but experts in HEALING. Ask someone who has dealt with, or experienced the worst that medicine could imagine, and how they recovered from it. What did THEY do?

I’ll tell you this: Your doctor won’t know much, if anything about it, and if he or she did, WOULD BE PROHIBITED FROM “PRACTICING” USING THAT MODALITY.

Dr. Harry Hoxsey: demonized for his herbal cancer treatment in the 1920’s.

Medical history is riddled with doctors who, genuinely caring about helping their patients get well, used “off book” methods, and were turned on by the medical profession. In some cases they left the U.S. in order to continue their work. The suppression of these doctors and their methods aren’t limited to the U.S. The same scenarios have occurred in Germany, France, and other countries around the world.

A Hoxsey patient.

A sense of “entitlement” or “ownership” is at play here, but it’s no game when you are the one being treated like a commodity.

The Black Lives Matter mess shows how NO group’s lives really matter to the people behind the real issue.

Angry, masks, and property damage is “understandable”

While people are locked down and “protest” is forbidden, an from the principal’s office excuse is given if the “protest”, with its constant threat of confrontation or destruction, is “against racism or some other ism.

More hypocrisy.

The BLM people are all mask wearers, modeling the new programmed behavior, but NONE of its members are calling for the end of vaccines, which would HELP ALL PEOPLE.

Not only would their group be included in the vaccine blessing, Melinda Gates suggested that Black Americans should be some of THE FIRST to get the new vaccine strains. Sure, try it out there… NOT.

From USAToday.com

“Melinda went on to say that Black people in the U.S. must be vaccinated after more than 60 million health care workers around the world.”

Donnelle Eller June 16, 2020

Vaccines affect, meaning that they DISTORT and impair, consciousness and perception, in addition to cognitive and motor skills. The lower blood oxygen levels and viscosity, as well as cell hydration. Yet we’ve become blind to the causes of these effects, just as they want.

SOURCE: Amazon.com

When parents could no longer ignore the connection between their child’s vaccination and subsequent impairment, they began seeking recourse. In 1986, the vaccine makers government FLAWMAKERS created a way to shield pharmaceutical companies from financial recourse when they established the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. The website begins by saying: “Vaccines save lives by preventing disease.” The evidence and science says otherwise.

Nonetheless, parents have had to “prove” that their children were “vaccine damaged” since this court was established.

And with no more liability for the consequences of their work, other than a few paltry lawsuits that are paid for by tax dollars. the recommended vaccine injection schedule has gone up dramatically since the vaccine court was established.

IMAGE SOURCE

The government now runs interference to protect the criminal from the consequences of the crime against The People.

Even then, a parent’s only recourse is money, NOT the restoration of their children’s HEALTH, NOR ENJOINING the vaccine makers from making any more. In other words, NO consequence whatsoever on their part.

How do you like them apples?

The only way this travesty can continue is if we remain blind to the obvious, and silent to the treasonous.

The “privilege” someone has suggested you had, is a farce. The discrimination you thought was your group’s alone, is being applied virtually to everyone else, and has always been the case.

Even law enforcement, even the military… their minds and perceptions have ALL been under attack for A LONG TIME, because the battleground is NOT in what you see; it’s in what you don’t see, the world of the thoughts and words that guide our attitudes and resultant actions.

We don’t know really how “advanced” or “retarded” humanity is. However, the soulless people who would continue to blanket the human mind with lies, deceit, and tyranny, just to continue to play with their lives like it was a board game, are indeed retarded.

Heaven help them.

#ENDVACCINES #STOPCIRCUMCISIONS #HEALOURSOILS #BALANCEOURENVIRONMENT #RECLAIMOURHEALTH #HEALOURWATERS

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[janiedean]

Do you believe in the statement "Islam is a religion of peace"? I think it's a ridiculous statement and I'm sick of people repeating it over and over. Saying it doesn't make it true. I have NOTHING against Muslims as people but the Koran is no better than the Bible when it comes to violence and pretending otherwise is just ridiculous to me. I came across a gifset the other day of a Muslim woman insisting that Islam is "the most feminist religion of all" and it just doesn't make sense to me.

man you’re talking to an atheist so obviously my answer is biased, and I read the bible but not the koran (I read bits not all of it) so my opinion is what it is, but:

given that I think that the bush jr policy of demonizing islam post sept 11th was the dumbest shit he could have done and I’m happily blaming that for 90% of the mess we’re in today and that I don’t think islam is inherently more violent than christianity given that as you said violence in holy books is about that same level

and given that a lot of the koran has been (purposefully or not) misquoted to justify terrorism/fight against terrorism

and given that 90% of the parts of the sharia law we find more abhorrent (ie the ones condemning lgbt+ people, allowing child brides and so on) aren’t actually in the koran but are holy because some interpreters who were also holy men declared them so so a lot of it is - as with christianity - stuff added by the organized part of the religion (like, there isn’t ONE line in the bible openly condemning abortion unless you don’t interpret the sermon of the mount in a specific way but honestly, but according to the catholic church and christianity in its worst incarnations abortion is A SIIIINNNN)

I also think that everyone automatically tries to delete the worst parts of the religion they believe in and the likes and at the same time it’s really hard to question things you were taught since the day you were born. and going like yES BUT THIS LINE IN THE BOOK SAYS THIS doesn’t mean anything because another says the contrary ten pages after and a lot of religious ppl in general haven’t even read either the koran (see: a lot of isis recruits) or the bible (see: most people who tell me that if I read it I’ll convert, then I tell them I did and if they remember the dismembered concubine from the book of kings and they fall from the clouds. aha) and they tend to stick to the parts that are *safer*. ie for christianity everyone moderate says it’s all about the best parts of the gospel (and no one ever remembers my two favorite bits ie when jesus told people who *went around talking in his stead* that he didn’t know them from adam and when he said to one of the two thieves crucified next to him that he had a place in heaven with him hahahahhahahahaha) and never about the worst parts of them or of the old testament (for one, did you know that with the plagues of egypt the pharaoh refused to let moses go because god directly influenced him because he wanted to show how much more powerful he was in comparison to the pharaoh’s false gods, because the poor guy actually would have let moses leave after the sixth plague? YEAH I DIDN’T UNTIL I READ IT EITHER) same as a lot of moderate muslims focus on the best parts of the koran like the peace message and so on and ignore the worst.

now, personally I think that religious books are written in such a way that you can find anything and its contrary inside them. the bible is BOTH old and new testament but even if you decide that the old doesn’t matter because you only follow jesus’s teachings, okay, paul in some of his letters says exactly the contrary of what jesus meant but paul’s letters are in the NT and no one’s taking them out yet. st. augustine is one of the church’s Fathers with the capital F but he came up with predestination (which is a thing that is absolutely not in the NT) and the catholic church ignores it because it eventually rejected that vision. and so on. it’s not surprising that moderate muslims see their religion as a religion of peace and the jihadists use it to fuel terrorism because both interpretations have their valid points. if you’re moderate and want to say muslim religion is peaceful you have your quotes, if you’re not you have others. and so on. so like, I personally think that since to me it’s all about stuff that doesn’t exist it’s all very ridiculous and I honestly can’t conceive killing themselves in the name of someone whose existence you cannot prove never mind that it’s basically the same God just with a different name and a different theological interpretation so like, wtf guys. I don’t think any religion is inherently peaceful or warmongering, I think people make of it what they want and that you need it separated from the state in any case because if that doesn’t happen it’s always going to coincide with someone’s political interests and fanatics will breed more easily.

re the feminism, I have issues in that sense and maybe a clearer opinion tho that might be that there’s things I cannot chalk to cultural relativism to justify, but like: it’s true that in theory islam is not... well, anti-women at its core because let’s all remember that in the middle ages muslim women on paper were better off than europeans unless my high school books lied about that, but it’s true that a lot of the **sharia** law mentioned above is NOT fucking feminist - whatever you mean with it - and I’m honestly... I mean, I get cultural relativism, but like let’s just take the veil. in theory if it’s an imposition it’s not even valid because you have to choose to wear it and it’s all good, but do people choose to wear it in countries like idk taliban afghanistan? do people have a choice about it when it’s not just the veil but covering your whole damned body and you can’t touch someone else’s hand without your husband’s permission? and saying that it’s also valid for men makes me lol because I haven’t seen men under a burqa yet. like everyone has the rights to choose what they wear or not, but when it’s de-humanizing like that (bc burqas are de-humanizing to me sorry) and it’s people who have been taught since they were born that they have to wear it... is that a choice? and like, yeaaah in saudi arabia eight year old girls can marry people thrice their age and if I have a vagina I can’t drive a car, but that’s feminist? like where I teach, one morning each week it’s just women and only women can teach because some don’t/won’t come if men are attending as well and won’t be taught by male teachers. and like... I understand they do it because otherwise they don’t come, but I feel really iffy about accommodating a thing that to me is out of this freaking universe, especially because you get veiled women coming to regular class without a problem. shit like that imo is just backwards and the fact that it happened here fifty years ago as well means that while I won’t judge muslim countries too harshly on that sense... well, we moved past it and we have equality on paper, shouldn’t they have it too? (admittedly I don’t think attaching ideologies to any religion is a good idea because what the hell does FEMINIST RELIGION even mean, catholics are crazy when it comes to worshipping mary so they’re also feminists?? and religion are used to prop up other ideologies every other day so like.... I’m iffy on that period) so on that topic I honestly can’t agree but because I don’t agree that religions are inherently any -ism.

tldr: I think everyone picks and chooses when it comes to religions so saying that it’s THIS OR THAT is ridiculous (christianity from the westboro baptists is not catholicism to say one and they have the same holy book) and that you need to separate them from politics before doing any kind of this discourse. I also don’t agree with this policy of ‘since bush jr policy was BASHING ON ISLAM FOR EVERYTHING’ now we have to do the contrary and ‘EXCUSE ISLAM FOR EVERYTHING’ because it doesn’t help - you have to condemn the bad apples of the bunch and not alienate the good ones, and that means also criticizing where it’s due.

I mean, ffs, it was on the news here the other day but some girl in bologna who came from a muslim family who didn’t want to wear the veil was forcefully shaved by her mother (like shaved all her hair) and she told her teachers saying she didn’t want to live with them anymore because they were pushing the veil and the religion on her and she didn’t want that, and now she’s with the social services. she’s fourteen. that’s feminist? I don’t... really think so. and the fact that I’m atheist and I don’t get it from the pov of a religious person doesn’t mean that I can’t say it’s fucked up when it’s fucked up.

[biofunmy]

MoMA Reboots With ‘Modernism Plus’

When the Museum of Modern Art reopens on Oct. 21 after a $450-million, 47,000-square-foot expansion, it will finally, if still cautiously, reveal itself to be a living, breathing 21st-century institution, rather than the monument to an obsolete history — white, male, and nationalist — that it has become over the years since its founding in 1929.

After decades of stonewalling multiculturalism, MoMA is now acknowledging it, even investing in it, most notably in a permanent collection rehang that features art — much of it recently acquired — from Africa, Asia, South America, and African America, and a significant amount of work by women. In short, what’s primarily different about the reopened MoMA is the integrated presence of “difference” itself — a presence that takes the museum back to its experimental early days, when American self-taught art and non-Western art were on the bill.

Did we need a supersized (one-third larger), nearly blocklong multiplex MoMA — with a Diller, Scofidio + Renfro /Gensler extension tacked onto the 2004 building designed by Yoshio Taniguchi — to accommodate this presence? No. As we learn from every art fair every year, more art is not more. What’s needed is agile planning and alert seeing, and these are evident in the museum’s modestly scaled opening attractions, which include focused surveys of two African-American artists (Betye Saar and William Pope.L), installations by artists from India (Sheela Gowda and Dayanita Singh), a sampler of Latin American work, and a permanent collection gallery devoted to contemporary art from China.

But in every museum with an active acquisition program, the permanent collection galleries are key. They’re the heart, brain and soul of the place; its history and memory. Special, short-term shows bring people through the door. But they end, move on. If you want to know what a museum is really about, what it’s feeling and thinking, keep your eye on the art it owns and gives its walls and floors to, long-term.

Judged by this metric alone, the expanded MoMA is making obvious efforts to reshape its image without going entirely off-brand — to tell the tale of what might be called Modernism Plus, with globalism and African-American art added.

The museum has long been famous for inventing an ironclad view of Modern art as a succession of marquee “isms” (Cubism, Surrealism, Abstract Expressionism, etc.), and arranging its holdings to illustrate that. The very rough outline is still in place on the three floors of collection galleries: art from the 19th century through 1940 on five, from 1940 to 1970 on four, and from 1970 to the present on two. But the main route is now peppered with unexpected inclusions and interrupted by theme-based detours and byways.

Also, walls between disciplines, once firm, are down. The permanent gallery rehang, coordinated by five chief curators from departments across the museum, has been, and will be, a collaborative project. The prevailing style is mix-and-match, with sculpture, painting, design, architecture, photography and film bunking in together (something that will freak out orthodox modernists). But, rest assured, each discipline gets some space of its own.

The jumble can be confusing, as, at first, are certain features of the general floor plan. Previously, visitor traffic entering the main lobby from West 53rd Street flowed to the right, toward the Sculpture Garden and up to the galleries. Now you have a directional choice. You can still go that way, or opt to go left toward the new Geffen wing, where you will find, among other things, street-level galleries to which admission is free (as it has been, since 2013, to the Sculpture Garden).

One of these holds a selection of design items chosen by Paola Antonelli, senior curator in the department of Architecture and Design. Another, the double-height Projects 110 Gallery, has a set of penumbral oil-on-barkcloth narrative paintings by the young Kenyan-born painter Michael Armitage, in a New York solo debut. Organized by Thelma Golden, director of the Studio Museum in Harlem, this show is the first in a series to be presented here by the Studio Museum while its new David Adjaye-designed home is under construction.

Upstairs navigation is easier, familiar. As before, the permanent collection galleries begin, chronologically, in the Taniguchi building and move from there straight west into the Geffen, with black metal door frames marking the points of transition. And on the fifth floor you’re eased into a plunge into modernism with a grouping of Brancusi sculptures set just outside the galleries themselves.

The Brancusi installation is classic MoMA: white walls, lots of air, few words. The idea is that this art doesn’t need commentary; it speaks for itself, and anything added, beyond light and space, is superfluous. You can argue with this approach — I do; I like lots of take-it-or-leave-it contextual information — but it has always been the MoMA way. Inside the galleries, the old-school hands-off mode continues, though with some tweaks. Each gallery has (at least) a short thematic title, so visitors can get a sense of what connects the works of art in the room — an idea, a medium, a place, a time — and a brief explanation of the theme.

The first gallery, now labeled “19th Century Innovators,” is pretty much a painting hit parade — Cezanne’s “Still Life with Apples” (1895-98), Rousseau’s “The Sleeping Gypsy” (1897) and, straight ahead, van Gogh’s “The Starry Night” (1889) — with a few painterly prints (Mary Cassatt, Pierre Bonnard) thrown in. But to this familiar two-dimensional European world MoMA has introduced an American wild card: half a dozen nugget-like ceramic bowls and jugs by George Ohr (1857-1918), the self-proclaimed “Mad Potter of Biloxi.”

Ohr was turning out hundreds of these gnarly, pinched earthenware vessels in the American South at the same time Van Gogh was painting “Starry Night” in an asylum in the south of France. And in the year Ohr died, in Mississippi, even locally all but unknown, Brancusi finished his first version of“Endless Column,” on view just beyond the gallery door. In the pre-expansion MoMA, these three artists were unlikely to have met. Here they’re caught up in formal and psychological conversation.

Farther on, after you’ve passed through a mesmerizing gallery of early photographic images — including Anna Atkins’s lacy 1850s botanical studies and a 1905 film of the New York City subway, looking every bit as funky then as now — you find another meeting of artistic minds, this one a genuine startler.

The gallery itself is a virtual Picasso shrine, with his 1907 “Les Demoiselles d’ Avignon” at the center, and related pictures ranged around it. But there’s a major out-of-time entry here too: a 1967 painting, acquired in 2016, by the African-American artist Faith Ringgold depicting an explosive interracial shootout. Titled “American People Series #20: Die,” it speaks to “Demoiselles” both in physical size and in visual violence. And just by being there it points up the problematic politics of a work like Picasso’s — with its fractured female bodies and colonialist appropriations — that is at the core of the collection. MoMA traditionalists will call the pairing sacrilegious; I call it a stroke of curatorial genius.

There are other such moments, less emphatic, on all three floors. One comes with the sight of Alma Woodsey Thomas’s incandescent 1973 “Fiery Sunset” plugged into an otherwise all-Matisse room. And there are several in a group installation evoking the matchless élan of the New York City painter Florine Stettheimer.

No curatorial credits are posted anywhere. But I hope that whoever chose to include a 1981 piece by the East Village artist Arch Connelly (1950-1993), will accept my personal thanks. The Connelly contribution, a mirror-shaped canvas encrusted with hundreds of fake pearls and titled “Self-Portrait,” suits the Stettheimian “extravagance-is-me ” ethos to a T.

On the long historical walkabout of some 60 collection galleries spread over three floors, there’s pretty much something for everyone. You get a big hit of Jackson Pollock, a Frida Kahlo fix, megadoses of Pop and Surrealism; Soup Cans, “Water Lilies,” and Cindy Shermans to burn — all the things that many people come to MoMA, selfie sticks in hand, to see.

But you also get specialty shows, the equivalent of mini-seminars, on books made by artists in Revolution-era Russia (most are by women), on architecture as sculpture, and on the epic potential of Latin American Mail Art. And there’s one exhibition, smallish in floor space but large in material, focused on the poet Frank O’Hara, who was a MoMA curator. To some visitors these will seem esoteric and pass-byable, but they’re a testament to the museum’s archival depths and its scholarly chops. And, once you put a toe in, they’re fun.

Finally, we get charismatic images by names that should be on every art-lover’s A-list but aren’t — yet: Geta Bratescu, Graciela Carnevale, Sari Dienes, Rosalyn Drexler, Valie Export, Beatriz González, Maren Hassinger, Atsuko Tanaka, along with Benny Andrews, Ibrahim El-Salahi, and May Stevens, all three part of the exceptionally strong installation of Vietnam War-era art, “War Within, War Without,” that brings the 4th floor rehang to a close.

Work by many of these artists has entered the collection in just the past few years. (When you’re traveling the galleries, pay attention to the acquisition dates on the labels; they can tell you a lot about the politics of purchase.) Much of it could find no place in MoMA’s canonically gated modernist story. The current version of Modernism Plus is by no means an in-depth rewrite, but it has the makings of one, depending on how it’s developed.

And, in one of the most promising features of the reopened museum, the mechanics for development are there. Post-expansion plans call for regular rotation and refreshment of the collection. Every six months, a third of the galleries on floors five, four and two will be reinstalled. By the end of 18 months, everything, the promise is, will, have been rethought. Destination favorites — “Starry Night,” “Desmoiselles” — will no doubt stay on view, but what’s around them will change, which will change them too.

Such flexibility offers tremendous potential for new thinking, particularly at a museum whose curatorial staff has, in the past few years, begun to diversify (though not its board of trustees). Flexibility also, it’s worth saying, allows the option of backpedaling should the opening “new” model prove to be little too new for a healthy box-office.

My guess is that in some hopefully ever-improving version, this 21st century MoMA will work, if only for self-preservative reasons. Multicultural is now marketable. To ignore it is to forfeit profit, not to mention critical credibility. And the new MoMA is obviously tailored to a new and younger audience, one that has no investment, nostalgic or otherwise, in the old pre-Taniguchi model, which now lives on mostly in the memories of a fading population (which itself had no direct experience of the original, progressive 1930s museum).

On the evidence of what I see in the reopened museum, a bunch of very smart curators are putting their heads together to work from inside to begin to turn a big white ship in another direction. We’re not talking Revolution. With this museum we probably never will. But in the reboot there are stimulating ideas and unexpected, history-altering talents around every corner. As long as both keep showing up at MoMA, so will I.

Museum of Modern Art

The museum reopens to the public Oct. 21 (member previews begin Oct. 12); moma.org.

Sahred From Source link Real Estate

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[kinetic-elaboration]

May 11: iZombie 5x01 and 5x02

Just caught up with the second episode of iZombie. It was fine. I feel like this series is basically just limping along to its conclusion, and I’ll limp along with it, but it’s not really exciting me. This is disappointing given how great the first two seasons were, but I didn’t come into the season with high expectations so it’s also not a surprise.

I loved seasons 1 and 2, and the second in particular was pretty genius imo. But from then on... I don’t know. Season 3 was all right and had its moments, its good ideas, but was also kind of boring--except for the big elements that were introduced then, like Fillmore-Graves, I don’t actually remember anything about it. And Season 4 started out promising and gave me high hopes but then it really went off the rails and by the end I was pretty much Done. If the show had been renewed in a more open-ended way, I probably would have stopped watching at that point. But since there’s only one more season left, I figure I might as well see it through to the end.

So far, though, I feel like Season 5 is just a continuation of the worst parts of Season 4. This is in part because some of the Worst Parts of the last season for me were overarching: for example, Ravi/Peyton is really a stomach-turning ship, and yet here they are, infecting my screen still, no chance of breaking up or of the narrative acknowledging their toxcity because somehow we’re....not supposed to see that they’re toxic? And Clive/Dale was ruined too by that utterly depressing sham of a wedding but again, the unresolved drama was allegedly resolved so we’re just going on along with it. We’ve moved past any discussion of whether or not Liv should be Renegade or whether or not Renegade’s mission is basically moral or not (no; and it’s not), so on that goes. Etc.

Or to put it more broadly: the ‘murder of the week/brain of the week’ format seems to be pretty much dead, and what’s left is an overarching story that has to do with the politics of New Seattle, and I’ve long felt that that political story line has lost its thread, and so the season on a macro level is just.... what???? for me. Plus, a lot of the characters have been tarnished for me (Clive’s pretty much the only one I still love. And Blaine, who’s not in every ep., and wasn’t in 5x02), and it’s not as funny as it used to be, either. Imo.

I’m also rather uncomfortable, in a way I can’t entirely pin down, with the attempts at paralleling real world politics. The “zombies as just another race” thing (especially when we enter the world of Black zombies.... I mean, a Black zombie saying ‘white lives matter’........... mmmmmmmmmmmmm). The term “fake news” being thrown around. I mean look, on the one hand, I like it when concept-heavy shows really dig into their universes and consider all the connotations of their concept, and go off on tangents, and flesh things out (pun not intended) and I liked the concept of a walled in New Seattle, and I like the politics of trying to avoid a nuclear threat from the U.S. and some of those related story lines. And it makes sense that if zombies existed in large numbers like in New Seattle, there would be people who would be very anti-zombie. And the parallel to real-world-racism then becomes decently obvious so I can’t say I’m surprised at it. But there are a lot of ways in which the race parallels really don’t work. For example, the intermixing of zombie race with ethnicity race works sometimes as a metaphor, like in the “white face” bit where two COC point out to a white man than his comedy troupe’s zombie get up is offensive--but in other instances, like where characters are both zombies and POC, it can get awkward fast. Or, for another example: zombies are actually monsters, and the early seasons of the show acknowledged this. Now it’s more ‘zombies are just another sort of people!’ and all of the connotations of zombie-ism, like that they literally eat other people, are just swept under the rug. As I ranted last season but it all still applies. And it’s this that makes me uncomfortable, that I feel like the metaphor, zombie as ethnic-race, is very awkward, that it works poorly less often that it works well, and that the result is a downgrading of real issues, a sort of flippancy toward true sensitive real life topics.

So I don’t know. It’s hard for to pinpoint where I feel like the narrative went wrong but I think it was probably last season. But maybe as early as season 3. It’s not really salvageable for me anymore but, like I said, there’s only one season left. I’ll keep watching for Clive.

[my-venting-machine-blog1]

Let’s get to know you.

Let's play a game together. A role-play kind of thing. I'll give you some 'character traits' and you'll try your best to really channel this person. At the end of this little game I'll ask you a question. If you really channeled the character you'll know the answer by heart. This won't take long, I promise. Probably about 10 Minutes, depending on how fast you read. Are you ready? ...Okay. Let's start:

A quick outline of your appearance: You're an adolescent boy, probably around 18-20. Brown hair, green-brown eyes and absurdly white teeth. Your height is average (1,76m-ish/roughly 5'9), slim figure, slight tan. You got that? Nice.

Now on to your personality: You're funny, you're smart, you're charming. You have cool interests (comics, video games, skating, music... etc.) and you can get very passionate when talking about them. Especially when it comes to comic lore. You're not afraid to share your feelings with people you're close with, you're not even afraid to cry in front of them. You like to help your friends and you expect nothing in return. You're reliable. A good friend. People like you. Awesome! ...

But that's just the surface. Everyone has layers. I won't be Mary Sue-ing you. You ain't one-dimensional and you sure as hell aren't perfect. No one is. We're going to dig deep and try to find the skeletons in your closet. Though we first have to have an idea of your personality. We're going from neutral to bad. The good stuff is mentioned above. You still with me? Then let's continue.

First layer: You're an introvert.

Let me outline your very basic introvert a little: Introverts appear to be shy at first, but that is slightly inaccurate. They just have a hard time socializing, it often drains their energy to a point where they are just exhausted. That's why introverts rarely take the initiative when meeting someone new. That often leads to them having a small circle of friends, which they're totally fine with. They like their 'alone time'. They sometimes need a lot of space. Once they trust you, they will eventually start sharing their opinions and feelings more frequently and they can even overstep their own boundaries.

You're no exception from this general pattern and you're okay with that although you sometimes wish for it to be different. But hey, that's alright, everyone struggles with their specific "-ism". Nobody judges you. Holy shit, even extroverts struggle with their personality from time to time. Cool? Cool.

Second layer: You have very poor social/verbal skills.

Being an introvert does NOT mean being awful at expressing yourself verbally. That isn't an excuse and actually insulting for all the eloquent introverts out there.

Like the introvert one, this is not a bad trait. The difference is that being an introvert is a real part of your personality whereas your ability to talk is a trait of choice. Atleast in your case. You don't have a disorder. You just chose to not work on that properly resulting in misunderstandings with basically everybody around you.

Third layer: You're not exactly the most honest person.

Let me give you an example: You have the attention span of a fly. When someone notices you weren't listening or paying any attention, you tend to lie yourself 'out of the situation', hoping the other person won't notice. But you're a bad liar. You need to acquire a certain level of social skill to have success with that tactic. Too bad you haven't reached it yet. You would sacrifice every inch of trust that was given to you in order to not embarrass yourself.

Many people are like that. It's an annoying (and again: optional) trait, since you always have the option to just ask people what they're were talking about or what just happened (or what happened in general), but I guess that'd be way too easy. Again, many people share this trait with you, so it's no biggie.

Fourth layer: You're obsessive.

Now this is something way more unpleasant. Imagine being so insecure about yourself that you feel the constant need to be upset about your friends being with their other friends and not with you. That you used to TEXT them all night while they were chilling at someone elses place. Furiously. In tears. That you STILL feel the need let your 'friend' feel bad about hanging around with their friends. You're not even disguising it. You want THEM to feel bad. And because you're almost at a sociopathic level of being obsessive you actually go the biggest lengths to get back at them. With no sense of remorse whatsoever.

So, what is the best way to get back at them? You meet up with someone else too. What, that sounds like a healthy way to deal with the situation? If you'd just crave company that keeps your mind busy, then yes. But that isn't the exact motive, is it? No. It really isn't. If you'd only look for company you'd choose anyone from your small but fine variety of friends. But you aren't lonely. You're bitter. You wanna have some sweet revenge, because your friend makes you feel bad by not hanging around with you.

AN: Now I want you to think of the most pathetic person you've ever met. And they used to be as obsessed with you as you are with that friend I mentioned above nowadays. Imagine kicking U.P. (unpleasant person) out of your life not just once, but three times.

Despite you kicking them out of your life that many times you still consider them 'important'. ...Or do you really? I wonder.

In the back of your head something else rings: The friend you're obsessed with right now also had unpleasant encounters with that 'important' person you want to meet again. Your friend really doesn't like them. And the U.P. used to love YOU. I'll leave it at that. You can figure the reasoning behind your actions out yourself.

Fifth layer: If it's hurting/bothering you, everyone around you should be hurt/bothered too.

This is strongly tied with #4. And we're slowly getting to the point where it's just uncomfortable to read further.

If you aren't happy, then your close friends shouldn't be happy as well. For you, it's as simple as that. You continue whining and muttering until everyone has a bad time. And that doesn't even happen on a verbal level, no, your passive-aggressive ass is sending out subliminal messages. Is it that hard to talk about your problems? But don't worry, the majority of your friends just accept the fact that you're having a bad day. But the inner-circle (1-2 people approx. in your case) knows you're passive-aggressive on a daily basis.

How does that make you feel? Does it feel nice to ruin your friends moods? Dragging them down? You don't need to answer that. Just let it sink in.

AN: I hope you already cringe.

Sixth layer: You're manipulative and a guilt-tripper. And you play the victim card way too often.

Scenario time!

Let's say, you were totally wasted a while ago and tried to jump out of the window to kill yourself. You're not even suicidal, you just wanted to prove a point. And some attention. Hey, everybody makes mistakes, this is still acceptable, don't wet yourself. Consider me your friend. I am your friend. I wanna help you.

I try to talk to you about your problems, but, big surprise, it backfires. You get all whiney, shedding the biggest crocodile tears known to mankind. It annoys me. I get loud. I get angry. You cry. You cry me a river. Two rivers. You lock yourself in the bathroom, you smash windows, you verbally abuse yourself.

And then, when I get irrational and start to behave like a mental moron your inner hypocrite starts showing- Telling me I need to change.

Action/Reaction principle. The chicken or the egg causality dilemma. Who started it?

The case is clear. Crystal clear. You're the victim. You'll always be the victim. Why? Because tears beat violence. Yes? Right? Rock beats scissors. Always. The world is black and white. There's only the obvious right and the obvious wrong. My anger is worse than your fake tears. Your emotional manipulative, guilt-tripping tears. No doubt.

Knowing about my anger issues and provoking them until you have something to hold against me isn't you being an aggressor. You playing the small little victim card, guilt tripping my ass to the moon isn't manipulative.

Right?

We're both victims, both aggressors. The difference between you and me is that I am not actively trying to provoke your tears or all of the bullshit that comes with it.

Seventh layer: You deny any of your bad traits, because you don't want to admit that you haven't changed a bit over the last couple of years AKA You're absolutely delusional.

The worst trait is not acknowledging all the mayhem you cause all the time. IGNORING IT. You won't admit to your sociopathic, manipulative behaviour and you never question the motives behind your actions. You're delusion goes beyond everything I've ever known. And the worst part is: You're still blaming this on me. Saying I haven't grown up and matured. Telling me, you've change so much while repeating this neverending nightmarish cycle of emotional torture and treating me like I am the only one to blame.

Atleast I know I am an asshole too. Atleast I try to wear my heart on my sleeve. But this isn't about me. _______________________________

You get your question in a bit. Just a quick conclusion.

Remember my words from the beginning? That this wouldn't take long? It actually takes a long ass time make yourself look this pathetic. Especially when you started out as a nice person. A decent one. You see, when you make a friend you usually like them. You want them to be a part of your life.

No exception here. I really liked you. And I trusted you. From day one. You progressively destroyed this friendship.

And in the end I started participating. I feel bad about myself.

But you never even bothered to try to explain yourself properly, did yo? You know, all I heard was bullshit over bullshit.

Now I know that the average innocent reader doesn't really know much about my history with you. But I still dare to ask this question:

If this was really you, on a scale of 1 to 10, how disgusted would you be with yourself?