#it’s like 2 am and the other two snuck out to smoke weed and we’re heading to the snack machine on that floor

[renonv]

i need more f1 au spamano bro i need more lore i need more of that juicy art anajjanxnc 😭😾

UHMMMM not a whole lot of lore but here’s a direct follow up of Antonio’s and Romano’s seksual escapades

And a short story of how Antonio runs into his new F1 besties who are the only ones to know about his very interesting relationship with Romano

[eunoiaflow3r]

Not Who I Am Anymore - Oscar Diaz

A/N: we’re not going to talk about the ending lol. uhm will definitely have a few mistakes.

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, mentions of death (not to reader, or oscar). fem!reader.

Summary: Y/N’s past is something that dictates a couple of her decisions. This includes smoking and drinking. Everyone think’s she’s weird for it. She has her reasons.

Word Count: 5.4k

~

You thought you had moved on. You thought that with the help, and the mentoring,  the flashbacks, the thoughts, and the urges would go away. But they didn’t. Here you were at a Santos party, smoke in the air, alcohol littered across the long tables and the music wafting through the air ten times louder than it probably should have been. On the sidewalk, you took this time to really look at your surroundings and really scope out the area.

Spooky was on the porch, a glass bottle of beer sitting swiftly in his hands. Instead of his usual beader, a black shirt was fitted loosely, paired with black shorts and sneakers..and, of course, the ultimate gold chain that sat proudly around his neck. He was talking to Sad Eyes - you think his name was, when he noticed you, kind of to yourself, watching him. He smirked at you and walked over to where you were.

“Aye wassup? Can’t believe you actually came.” He gives you a kind of half-hug, before stepping away and really taking you in. You weren’t dressed like the rest of the girls who wore crop tops, and short shirts and skirts with heels. No, you at a Santos party, chose to wear jeans and a jacket. It looked a lot like something That girl Monse would wear, but he wasn’t gonna tell you that. 

“Came to watch the underage kids here, and make sure they stay out of trouble.” 

That was only half the truth. Of course, you came for the kids, especially Ruby and Jamal - you knew they could get into some serious trouble if they were along for long enough...but when Spooky first told you about the party, you knew you’d be there. No, you tried to convince yourself not to go. Alcohol and weed wasn’t a good idea, and you knew that. Spooky on the other hand, sure could be convincing, and maybe you were unknowingly making a deal with the devil by accepting his invitation, but at the time you didn’t care. Now you do.

“That really all you came for? I wasn’t part of that decision?”

The bottle in his hands was looking absolutely irresistible. The smoke in the air that you inhaled made your heart hurt because you knew if you did anything tonight, you’d be in trouble. That’s why you snuck your hand into your pocket and clutched your 2-year pin in your hands. Never again would you go back to the place you were in two years ago. Never again you promised yourself.

Oscar seemed to notice your eyes on his bottle though and unfortunately asked if you wanted some. You painfully refused and asked him if he could just get you a bottle of water instead. 

“Of course. Be right back.”

You remember when you first met “Spooky.” It was unconventional at the least. You were visiting Mario and his family during the summer. His mother absolutely adored you, and let you stay for however long you needed. You went back home, but right before school started, you decided to move to Freeridge more permanently. She let you stay until you could find your own place. Ruby, like the little devil he is, stole your clothes while you were in the shower.

You chased him around in a towel for them, until eventually you were locked outside, and pounding on the door pleading for him to let you in. His friends did nothing to help you, and you wouldn’t forgive them for weeks after that. Anyway, this just so happened to be the time where there was that lockdown. Minutes before it happened, Spooky approached the house, and he at the very least was intrigued. It’s not every day you see a beautiful kinda naked girl knocking on a door. When he approached you, you had absolutely no idea what to do.

A gang leader, you knew by the infamous name, “Spooky,” was smirking at you as you were half-naked, and he didn’t even know your name. 

“I - I uhm.” You paused, trying to gain some kind of composure. “ ‘S not my fault they locked me out.”

He smiled, you eyed his teardrop tattoo, and he looked you up and down from head to toe and back up again as if you hadn’t even been wearing the towel at all. “A gift from the Heavens if you ask me.”

You shyly looked away, and thankfully, if not weirdly, you were cut off by sirens. Angered, Spooky started banging on the door demanding for them to let the two of you in. As soon as they noticed the sirens and the knocks that didn’t sound like yours anymore, Ruby wearily let you and the gang leader in. 

To say the kids, especially Jamal was scared shitless was an understatement. You couldn’t bear seeing Spooky again, especially being barely clothed so you stayed locked in the room you shared with Olivia, embarrassingly hiding from Spooky and his wandering eyes.

The second time you ran into him, you were fully clothed thankfully. You found your own place, not too far from Ruby’s and Monse’s houses. What you didn’t know, was that his house was right around the corner as well, and on your way to your new job - Dwayne’s Joint. You needed a job, and how could Jamal’s father let anyone go when they were in need? So here you were, a waitress now, about to take an order for Cesar and his brother.

His eyebrow when he saw you and so did that signature smirk. “Aye, Y/N you walk here?”

“Yeah actually - how did you know my name?” you ask bewildered.

Cesar sunk down his seat not making eye contact with you. “I told him.” he whispered.

“Oh, and did you tell him that I worked here as well?”

Cesar’s no response was all the response you needed. Instead of reacting in the irritated way you wanted, you began actually doing your job. It’s too early to lose it - you literally couldn’t afford it. “What can I get you guys?”

“When your shift end?” Spooky asked not answering your question.

“Cesar, you want some fries?” You ask avoiding Spooky’s question. He said nothing, under Spooky’s intimidating eyes. You walked away anyway and got fries for Cesar and Spooky to share just so you didn’t have to spend any extra time under Spooky’s gaze. When the fries were done, you brought them to their table, and Cesar thanked you for it, but all Spooky did was look you up and down, wink and snatch a few fries from the basket.

What you didn’t realize was it was 5 minutes passed your shift being over so you grabbed your stuff, and walked out the door, ready to walk your tired self home.

“Uh uh,” Spooky caught your arm, “Let me give you a ride.”

“Oh, so now you know where I live too?” You asked clearly irritated. He had seen you almost naked, knew your name, where you lived, and you didn’t even know his real name.

“It’s a small block,” he shrugged, “Besides, you're tired. What type of man would I be to let you walk home alone this late?’

At this point, you didn’t have the energy to argue with this man any longer, so you just let the man take you home.

Ever since then, you’d see him around, and he wouldn’t waste any time flirting with you. You’d humor him, you’ll admit it, but you had no idea what compelled you to say yes to a drug and alcohol filled party. 

Maybe it was his smile or his muscles, maybe it was his incredibly sexy and convincing voice, or maybe it was that time he kissed you before you he dropped you off at your house.

He was telling you how his Dad came back, and he was ranting, and you knew it had been an incredible stressor for him. When it used to awkward around him, because of the towel incident, you were now incredibly comfortable around him, and it was almost like it never happened - although with flirty remarks he reminded you almost every day. 

You were saying goodnight when he kissed you. You were surprised, to say the least, but you kissed him back with just as much passion as you were receiving from his end. He couldn’t take it when he couldn’t feel any of you, so he pulled you into his seat, right onto his seat so that you were straddling him. You ended up hitting the horn on accident, and you both broke out in laughter before he kissed you again. His hands roamed from your hair to your shoulders, to your side and back, and finally to your ass where he wasn’t afraid to give a little attention to.

You don’t know how long you were in that car, but you know that after that night, a blush seemed to be permanently tinted on your cheeks when you’re around him, your lips a little swollen, and hickies would almost always be littered across your skin.

Since you first met him, you knew he was probably a bad idea. He’s not a bad person, but a bad idea. How could you be around the literal epitome of the life you used to live. Did you want to live around that life again? Certainly not. But Spooky made up for it. He never wanted you around during gang-related things and perhaps that distracted you from how bad living this life really was. 

Now that you were here though, all you could think about was that pin in your pocket and how long it took you to actually get it. You weren’t giving that up for one stupid night, no matter how hot he was, and how good his lips felt on yours.

Usually Oscar, (you call him that now), never invited you to these things. He knew they weren’t really your scene. And you were appreciative of that. He knew you didn’t like alcohol, or smoking, or drugs, and he wanted to ask, so many times but he could tell that you probably didn’t wanna talk about it. And at the end of the day, did it really matter anyway? 

When Oscar came back with your water, you were thankful for the distraction from all the urges surrounding you. You didn’t want to leave too early - you didn’t want to disappoint Oscar, but if things started to become too overwhelming for you, you would have no choice. 

“Oscar?” You asked, looking him in his beautiful brown eyes.

“Hm?” He hummed wrapping his arm around your hips.

“Wanna dance with me?”

“I don’t dance mujer hermosa.”

You smiled, intertwining your fingers with his. “You’ll dance with me.”

You pulled him to the lawn where everyone else who was dancing was, and pulled him in front of you. He smiled down at you amusingly following your lead. Reluctantly, he joined you and you both danced - until he decided he needed to be back in control and spun you around so that your back was against his, and you danced against him for a while.

He had to admit that you were unlike anyone he had ever met. He liked it, he liked you, so when you pulled away he was disappointed. You promised him you’d be back and you were just getting a refreshment. You asked if he wanted something, but he refused politely telling you he was fine. 

You went over to the refreshment table, but standing in front of the waters, perfectly stacked by Ruby, were two women, who were conversating. “Uhh, excuse me.”

They turned around with glasses full of tequila, their hair almost hitting you in the face. Their cleavage was hanging out, and from what you could tell, their asses were out as well. ‘Must be hella uncomfortable.’ you thought noticing how tight the clothes must be to leave nothing to the imaginations.

“Ooh look,” the brunette squealed, “it’s Spooky’s bitch.”

You were shocked. Since when were you anyone’s anything? You and Oscar sure haven’t put a label on anything, but you sure as hell weren’t claimed and definitely were not about to be called out of your name.

“I just want some water.” You sighed opting to take the easy way out. You didn’t want to start any fights here. 

“What don’t want nothing stronger?” The darker haired one asked. “Bourbon? Tequila? Beer? Whiskey?”

“The water is fine.” you were growing impatient with their antics. Could you just get your damn water?

“What you can’t take it? You a lightweight or somethin?”

You rolled your eyes, and the brunette caught it.

“La perra fea probablemente ni siquiera puede hablar español. ¿Para qué coño está ella aquí?”

(Ugly bitch probably can't even speak spanish. What the fuck she even here for?)

You scoffed, but waited to hear the other girl's reaction. 

“Ni siquiera sé lo que Spooky ve en ella. Probablemente esa mirada falsa e inocente que tenía.”

(I don't even know what Spooky see in her. Probably that fake innocent look she got going on.)

You were done with these girls but remembered that pin you had in your pocket and everything you had to do to get it. So you gained your composure.

“Escuchen chicas, solo quiero un poco de agua. Solo muévete de la puta manera.”

(Listen girls, I just want some water. Just move out the fucking way.)

And they moved out of your way. Despite what they said, that kind of hurt you, you didn’t want any drama. Especially with a crowd of gang members, and alcohol. It wouldn’t ev=nd well so yeah, you took the easy way out.

You went to go find Oscar, but you were pulled away by Ruby.  Jamal was next to him. “Hey Ruby, what’s up?”

“Hey Y/N…” he said, obviously hiding something.

“What’s wrong?” You asked wearily. 

He wouldn’t look you in the eyes. “Nothing….”

He was lying, and you were impatient. “Jamal, what’s going on.”

“Oscar and some guys are in the house asking why your like not drinking and smoking and stuff and they said that you were a sleeze and that you were way too innocent and that the only reason Spooky is with you is because you are good in bed but how would anyone know because you don’t dress like a -”

“Okay Jamal that’s enough!” Ruby yelled covering up Jamal’s mouth.

“You know I can’t keep secrets!”

You didn’t know what to say. In the back of your mind, you always thought about if Oscar would like you better if you drank, or if you smoked, but you had no idea he felt limited because you didn’t. You never asked him to quit, you never even told him not to do it around you, so what could possibly be his problem?

You clutched that pin in your pocket again and reminded yourself to not lose yourself again. No matter what people thought, or what they thought you were, it wasn’t worth it. 

The kids  were the only ones who knew about your past, so you were grateful they came and told you, but you had to leave. You could no longer hold up your happy persona, and you just wanted to go home where you knew that no guns, no drugs, no alcohol, and no weed would be around. 

“And what did Spooky say?”

Jamal took out his phone and pressed play on a recording.

You heard a chorus of guys laughing, and then eventually you heard Oscar’s voice.

“Nah I mean, it’s not like she’s too much of a bore or anything...she just don’t smoke or drink. It’s weird and sometimes I wish she would but I don’t know man. Maybe it’d be easier if she did -” 

Ruby snatched the phone before you could hear anymore, and you’re glad he did.

You hugged the boys, thanked them, and started walking away.

“Y/N where are you going?” Ruby called out to you.

“I’m going home guys, I can’t be here anymore.” The tears almost started falling, but you wiped them before you could. Ruby ran to you, and wrapped his arms around your waist hugging you tightly.

“I’m coming with you.” 

“I don’t want you to miss out on the fun.” you sniffled ruffling his hair.

“It’s not fun anymore.”

He and Jamal went home with you that night and watched movies with you, trying to cheer you up. They stayed over, and you couldn’t be more grateful to have boys like them in your lives - always there for you as you were for them. 

When Oscar realized you were gone, he called you repeatedly, and when you didn’t answer, he immediately hopped into his car and drove to your apartment. He knocked hard and knocked until you opened the door.

“What are you doing here Spooky?”

“What am I doing here?” he yelled. “And since when am I Spooky to you, huh?”

You were tired, and frustrated, and just a little heartbroken.

How dare he talk about you, and come to your door yelling at you.

“I need you to lower your voice.” you sighed. “You’ll wake the boys.”

“You think I give a fuck about those boys?” Tell me why you haven’t answered any of your calls, and why you left without telling me where the hell you’re going?”

“You don’t own me Spooky! You’re not my daddy! But I should just stick around though right? ‘Cause oh no, “she’s not too much of a bore,” Right? “It’d be easier if I smoke and drank though wouldn’t it? It’d be easier if I damaged my lungs, and my brain, and my stomach for you?! Fuck off Spooky.” You were on the verge of tears. “I’m not changing myself for you, or your petty ass friends, so just go the fuck home!” 

He didn’t know how to react with you yelling at him like that. He’s never seen this hurt side of you, and he’s sure he never ever wants to see it again. He didn’t know how you found out about what he was saying but he wishes you didn’t because he didn’t mean any of what he said the way you took it. Every time he looked into your eyes though, all he saw was hurt, pain, anger, and disbelief.

The same things he was feeling himself although he’d never admit it. It hurt his heart to see your red eyes botched from crying, pained him to see your hair a mess by how many times you’ve inevitably pulled it out of stress. It angered him that he said those things, and he was listening to all those whining bitches around him. He didn’t believe he could let himself listen to all those hating people that surrounded him on the daily.

Before he could defend himself, the door slammed in his face and he let it. He didn’t know what to say, but soon he would. There was no way he’d let you slip away. You were too good. But maybe that’s exactly why he should let you go. If tonight proved anything, it was that you weren’t for this life, and who was he to let you around it? Hell, maybe he shouldn’t be around it either. Maybe what tonight really proved to him was that life outside the Santos, and outside of the bad decisions and outside of the violence. If there’s one thing you taught him, it would be to never let anyone change him. The gang life changed him. The Santos changed him. But you were bringing the real him back out and of course like everything else, he fucked it up.

When he got back home, the party had dispersed. Cesar was in the living room, and he jumped when he heard Oscar come home slamming the door. He heard chairs being shoved, tables, cups. Anything in eyesight was being disheveled at the hands of Oscar.

“Aye, aye!! What the hell are you doing?!” Cesar yelled over the commotion.

“Fuck this shit man!” Oscar yelled to no one in particular.

Cesar rolled his eyes and went back to his room. Whatever the problem was, could be solved tomorrow. 

The next day though, once Ruby and Jamal left after telling them about a million times that you’d be okay, you started packing a bag. It’s time you went back to your old life and visit for a while.

It’s been 3 days, and 18 hourse since you’ve been gone - Cesar’s been counting because that’s how long Oscar’s been going fucking crazy. He was yelling at everyone, almost killed a guy, and just has been absolutely restless. He’s called you, texted you, went to your job, your house, your favorite restaurant and nothing. Oscar didn’t know what to do with himself. 

It hurt him to know you were out there mad at him, and he never got a chance to explain himself or tell you how sorry he was for everything he’s done. If there’s one thing he’s realized these past three days, is that he could live without you, but he didn’t want to.

Before you, he wasn’t taking care of himself. He thought of people as disposable, and he was literally angry all the time. After you though, he is quite literally almost a new person, and he loves who he is now. 

Without you though, he was back to being Spooky: the notorious gang leader. 

You gently lay the flowers down on the ground in front of you, followed by a single tear. Two years ago today, the love of your life overdosed. You remember like it was yesterday.

You had already gone off the grid when you met him. Drinking, smoking, and hookups almost every night. So when you met him, adding drugs to the mix wasn’t very hard. He had been your first and last dealer. All your friends tried to warn you to stay away from him, but you didn’t care. You were in love with him. He was caring, and kind, and funny. You were in a bliss. 

He had even asked you to marry him one night. You planned children with him. 

Unfortunately though, one night you came home to find him dead. He had overdosed while you went out to get more drinks. 

After his funeral, your friends basically kidnapped you, helped you detox, sent you to rehab, and went with you to AA (Alcohol Anonymous) meetings. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds though. Detox hurt like a bitch, and you’ve gone through it at least 5 times before you finally quit for good. You’ve gone to rehab a total of three times, and you can’t even count how many times you’ve gone to AA meetings.

At first you did it for him. You did it to try to get sober for the both of you - since he couldn’t anymore. But soon after you fell off the wagon, because trying to keep his memory alive wasn’t enough of a motivation. 

Wanting to get out of that life, and back to normal you realized, was motivation enough. You shouldn’t live for someone else - only for yourself.

Once you got over the guilt of his death, that’s exactly what you did. Lived for yourself.

When you left the cemetery, you got a couple of texts. The ones from Oscar you ignored, but the ones from Cesar, you immediately opened.

Cesar: Y/N. Spooky kicked me out, can I stay at yours? 

You: Ofc! You know where the key is.

Cesar: You’re a lifesaver, I love you forever.

You had to get back home. You couldn’t let Cesar live on his own, and you weren’t sure how much food you had in your fridge, how would he get food? And why the hell would Oscar kick him out? His own brother, only fifteen! Oh boy, you were gonna kick his ass when you got back home, for more reasons than one.

When you were finally back, you noticed Cesar dead asleep on your couch, blankets twisted every which way. His mouth hung open, arm across his face, chinese on the floor, and the tv still on. You couldn’t but laugh at his craziness. You fixed his blanket so that it was more comfortable for him, turned off the tv, and put up the chinese in case he wanted them for leftovers.

You wrote him a note in case he woke up during your visit to his brother.

‘Hey, I’m back. Don’t be alarmed, I’ll be right back.”

 Love, Y/N

The walk to Spooky’s was nauseating. Usually when you took this trip, your heart was ecstatic, and your stomach filled with butterflies. Usually, you couldn’t wait to see him, and couldn’t wait to hear his laugh, but now all you wanted to do was punch him in his face.

When you got there, surprisingly, there weren’t any people littered across the yard. Giving you a little extra courage considering the lack of people, you started knocking on the door..hard.

He opened it ready for a fight, but his body immediately deflated when he saw you.

“Y/N.” He breathed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? No seriously, what’s going on? Because no self respecting man would kick his teen brother out of the house.”

“I -”

“No. You listen. I don’t care about your reasoning, and I don’t care about anything you have to say. I only came down here to tell you that he’s staying with me, until you come to your fucking senses.”

“No, wait- “

“You don’t get to have the last word, Spooky.”

He absolutely hated when you called him that. When you said that name it sounded like poison, like your dehumanizing him. When others called him that, he felt a sense of authority. When you called him by that stupid ass name, it’s when he knows he’s fucked up, and he’s felt like you shot him in the chest 100 times. 

The next morning, you were eating breakfast with Cesar.

“Do you need a ride to school?” You ask.

He nods. 

“Okay, well after school I’m gonna take you shopping for new clothes too because you can’t go around in the same three outfits everyday.” You say trying to lighten the mood. 

“No, Y/N it’s okay. You’ve already done enough, believe me. I can’t ask for anymore.”

“Good thing you didn’t ask. And I sure as hell wasn’t asking either.”

Once you were pulled up in front of his school, he looked fidgety.

“Where did you go?” He asked, worried.

“I went to go say goodbye to my old life. For good.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It’s a great thing.” You sighed . “Speaking of, I’m gonna go to one of my meetings after I drop you off. Do you need me to pick you up afterwards?”

“No I’m good. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just need to let a few things off my chest.”

_

As soon as you drove off, Cesar called his brother.

“What?” He sneered.

“If you want to make things up with Y/N, go to this address quickly.” He gave him the address. “Sit in the back, that way she won’t notice you.”

Oscar was beyond confused but nevertheless, he pulled up outside of a nice looking building and went inside, following the directions, and looking for the room number that Cesar gave him. When he looked inside, there were people all around sitting in chairs, and a podium in the very front that he noticed you walk up to.

He sat in the very back where Cesar told him so that you couldn’t see him.

“Hi, I’m Y/N and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi Y/N.” The crown chorused.

This was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting Oscar realized. You never told him you had a problem. Jesus Christ, he felt like a proper dick. He wanted to shoot himself. He wished he could take everything back, and apologize profusely.

“I’ve been sober for almost three years now.”

The crowd started clapping, including Oscar. He was proud of you.

“This past weekend,” you started, “I went to go visit my ex.”

Oscar’s jaw clenched, along with his fist. He was furious. So that’s what you’ve been doing this whole time? One fight, and you go back to your ex? 

“He overdosed four years ago.”

Oh. He died. Again, Oscar felt like a piece of shit.

“I went crazy when he died.” you began. “I literally almost killed myself with all of the drugs and alcohol consumption. It took me a long time to get back on my feet again, and to stop feeling sorry for what happened. Hell, I was going to marry the man I did drugs with! Granted, we were gonna come clean, but he died before he was given the chance. I still had a chance. It was hard, and this weekend proved that it was worth it.” 

There were tears in your eyes, and all Oscar wanted to do was wipe them away. God, he wanted to punch himself multiple times over and over again until he was almost dead. How dare he make you feel bad about something, let alone something that took you so long to overcome?

“I went to a party where there was alcohol and drugs and things, and there were so many temptations, but I didn’t give in, and I’m so happy I didn’t.” A few tears fell from your face. “I might have lost a person very important to me, but my sobriety is just as important, and I wasn’t going to give up almost three years worth for one night, and stupid people.”

You walked off the podium, and people started clapping loudly in support. Now that you’ve said these things out loud, the more great you felt. When you were finding your seat though, you caught a glimpse of someone in the back. You were furious. What the hell was he doing here?

You walked over to him, silently telling him to follow you, and he did right outside.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Y/N, I’m an asshole, I’m a jerk, and a ass, an idiot and a prick.”

You looked at the ground. “Go on.”

“I am so fucking sorry, you have no idea. I’m selfish, and I’m the dumbest fuckup ever, and I don’t know how to make it up to you.” 

He steps closer to you, and you let him.

“What I do know is that I’m a different person when I’m with you. I’m the person I want to be, and I know its such a fucking cliche but I have never loved anyone like I love you.”

You were crying now, and he was starting to too. He walked closer, and pulled you into a bear hug. 

“I shouldn't have judged you, and I’m so so sorry. I know talking and apologizing won’t make up for what I did, but what can I do?”

You stepped back, and looked him in his eyes before smacking him hard across his face.

He held the side of his face clearly hurt, and said nothing.

“I love you too jackass.”

He smiled, and pulled you to him kissing you softly. Tears fell between the two of you but you didn’t notice. He pulled you closer to him, wrapping both his strong arms around your waist lifting you a couple of inches from the ground. His lips tasted like honey between yours, you could feel all his stress evaporating as soon as you wrapped your arms around his neck. When you pulled away, he pressed a quick chaste kiss to your jaw, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

_

A couple of weeks later, you learned why Oscar had kicked him out and in fear of you leaving him, and never forgiving him again, he solved it - just like you knew he could.

He seemed to figure out the most stupidest way to do so though because here he was in front of you bleeding, with gashes all over his face, arms and chest: Abuela helped clean him up.

“You’re an absolute dumbass.” You said, helping clean his wounds.

“I did what I had to do.”

_

The people who had talked about you at the party almost a month ago, apologized and you knew that Oscar had something to do with it.

Even though you never asked him to, Oscar also slowly stopped drinking and smoking.

When you confronted him about it, he just shrugged and said, “I don’t feel like damaging my lungs, my brain, and my stomach no more.”

You smiled, and cheekily climbed onto his lap pressing a kiss to his lips.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to mamas,” He kissed you sweetly. “You’re worth it.”

[stevesnailbat]

listen before i go, i love you, goodbye. | steve harrington

warnings: mainly just angst, (implied) weed smoking 

summary: Unrequited love sucks, for everyone involved. 

word count: 3.9K 

a/n: This fic isn’t really based off of the three Billie Eilish songs in the title. I saw on Genius that she said the titles of the last three songs on WWAFAWDWG? were supposed to be a sentence and it inspired me to write something about it. I also wrote a part 2. Enjoy! 

Silence.

The only thing to be heard in Steve’s car was the soft hum of whatever mixtape he had going, and pure silence between him and his girlfriend. Usually, silence was okay. They would typically enjoy each other’s company without saying a word, but it was different now. Sometimes Y/N’s excited voice would fill the car as she told stories about her day while Steve would glance over at her with genuine interest in his eyes, but it was different now. There was no interest left in Steve’s gaze when he would look at Y/N, only a glimmer of what used to be love. Y/N’s voice was rarely ever heard anymore, and there was no excitement left in it when it was. They were broken. 

Tonight was no different than any other Saturday night to Steve and Y/N. They were going to some party near Loch Nora but neither of them actually wanted to go. Still, they would go, they would dance together, they would hold each other, they would act like everything was okay, they would drink to forget that they didn’t want to be with each other. Steve didn’t really know why he still pretended to be in love when he wasn’t, but he never questioned it either. 

He didn’t know when he fell out of love, but it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized it. He could feel himself getting annoyed by the things she would say to him and he could feel himself losing the desire to kiss her and hold her like he always would. He told himself that he was just going through a rough patch and that he would get over it soon, but soon never came. Things got worse when he knew that she was catching on. She became more distant, less affectionate, less happy. He didn’t want to string her along, but he didn’t want to hurt the girl he once loved so dearly. 

 Steve parks his car in front of Carol’s house and stuffs his keys into his pocket as he looks over to Y/N, who’s staring out the window at the already drunk teens on the front lawn. She hated being drunk until Steve stopped loving her, then she began looking forward to the weekend so she could forget the pain she was in. He watched her eagerly step out of the car, waiting by her door for him to follow. As he got out, he gave her a knowing look when he saw to all-too-familiar fake smile growing on her face. 

 The couple is greeted by many of their so-called friends as they walk through the doors, Carol shoving drinks into their hands immediately. Y/N starts to drink as soon as she gets her hands on something, earning a glare in her direction from Steve. She ignored his looks and held onto his hand tight as she made her way through the crowd, searching for her best friend. Nancy’s face twists into an equally fake smile when she sees Y/N and Steve together, trying to hide her disapproval of what’s going on between the couple. 

“Can I talk to you for a second, Y/N?” Nancy asks her, grabbing her wrist to pull her away from Steve. She didn’t really get a chance to tell Steve, but she knew he didn’t really care. The girls rushed off to a bedroom in the back of the house while Steve was left alone with Jonathan in the crowded living room. 

Nancy closes the bedroom door behind her and turns to face Y/N. She was going to question her about why she was doing what she was still, but those plans changed. Before either of them can say anything, the sound of Y/N’s choked sob fills the air. She can’t bring herself to look at Nancy, so she sits on the bed behind her while burying her head in her hands. Nancy couldn’t look at her either, so she sits next to her and stares at the wall as she rubs Y/N’s back soothingly. 

 In any case, it would hurt to see your best friend crying. But for Nancy? It was even worse. She knew the situation all too well because she did the same thing to Steve. She strung him along and shattered his heart when he was still in love with her. Now the tables were turned and it hurt Nancy to see it; she thinks about how the hurt she put Steve through could have caused this. Y/N knew about their breakup last year, but didn’t believe that it would affect the way Steve saw her, his own girlfriend. 

“Why the fuck am I doing this to myself, Nance?” she chokes out, throwing her arms up defeatedly. 

“Because you love him, Y/N. You think you can change his mind, but deep down, you know you can’t.” Nancy says in a low voice, pulling her into a hug. “And you and Steve both care too much about your pride and reputations to break up.” 

Y/N laughs softly as she blinks out some tears, slightly smudging mascara onto Nancy’s gray sweater. Nancy knew her and the situation all too well. It felt nice to be around someone who understood what was happening and was there to comfort, instead of just ignore. She pulls away after a few moments and tries to gather herself, wiping away her tears while taking a deep breath. 

“We should probably get out of here before someone tries to start saying we’re cheating on our boyfriends with each other or something.” she jokes, trying to pull herself back to her fake-happy party-self. 

An hour later Y/N finds herself clinging onto her so-called boyfriend relentlessly and clinging onto the moments of drunken affection that she deemed as damn near sacred. Usually the two of them would match each other with their drinks, not letting the other get too trashed. But Y/N snuck shots when Steve wasn’t looking, trying to bring herself back to the person she loved being. Steve caught on to what she was doing after her third extra shot, when it was too late. He had seen the hurt disappear from her eyes and replace with all the love and happiness she had once had with him. He could tell that she so desperately wanted to be happy again, and that she wanted to be happy with him. 

“Stevie, you need to catch up! You’re not drinking enough.” she slurs as she shoves a drink into his face. 

“I think I’ve had plenty to drink and that you have too.” Steve replies, his arm snaking around her waist hesitantly, mainly trying to stop her from falling or spilling her drink. 

Her smile turns into a frown for a moment, but quickly disappears when she unexpectedly reaches up to his cheek, pulling him down into a kiss. The kiss was gentle yet filled with passion, something neither of them had felt in months. “I guess you’re right. You’ve had plenty to drink. Sober Stevie won’t let me kiss him like that anymore.” she whispered to him, her voice cracking as she spoke. 

Her words seemed to be filled with remorse and sadness, Steve knew that he was the cause. For the first time since he had fallen out of love, he felt the same hurt that she did. He dropped his hand from her waist in shock and within a flash, she was gone. She waltzed over to Nancy with her fake smile, chugging away at her drink once more. He watched the broken girl fade away, if only for a moment, as she danced the night away with people that actually made her happy. Good, bad, and in-between memories that had been engrained in her memory forever were gone, if only for a moment, as she sang her heart out with her best friend. The pain she felt had gone away, if only for a moment, as Steve finally understood what she had been going through. 

Hours passed and the party died down soon enough, around 2 am. Steve stopped drinking at midnight, but Y/N never stopped. Y/N told Steve she ‘wanted to party hard’ when he asked her to go the first time, the second time, and the third time. He finally convinced her that it was time to go when Nancy and Jonathan left, pulling the pouting girl to the car. She plopped down in the passenger seat and giggled drunkly at the noise Steve’s leather seat made when she did so. Without a word, Steve started the car and drove towards his house. He occasionally glanced over to her, seeing her face begin to twist into a sickly expression. 

“If you’re gonna be sick, please do it in that McDonald’s bag on the floor or let me know so I can stop.” Steve laughs, resting his hand on her thigh in a comforting way, out of habit. 

She says nothing in return, staring out the window intently. She was focusing on something, but Steve couldn’t put a finger on what it was. The short trip down the road takes all but five minutes and soon enough, he’s helping her into his house from the garage. She nearly falls at least three times on the stairs, giggling as she clung onto Steve. He has to undress and dress her again when they get to his room, which shows to be quite a challenge with a resistant, drunk girl. Steve rummages through a dresser drawer until he finds something, turning to hand her a shirt. When he does so, he sees her blotchy, red cheeks and tear-brimmed eyes. 

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” he asks, although he’s sure he knows the answer. His hand brushes her hair behind her ear as his thumb wipes away a rogue tear. 

“Why don’t you love me anymore?” she chokes out, her voice almost inaudible. Steve freezes in his tracks when she speak, not expecting that to be her answer. 

Obviously it was going to come up at some point. But he didn’t want to tell his girlfriend why he didn’t love her anymore while she was plastered. So, he decided to play it off. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby. I think you’re too drunk for your own good right now. Let’s go to bed, yeah?” 

“No, Steve. I wanna know now! Why don’t you love me the way I love you?” she says, her voice growing louder as she continues to slur her words together. 

“I’m not getting into this with you right now, Y/N. You’re plastered and I love you. You’re crazy.” Steve scoffs, attempting to pull her onto his bed. 

At this point, she can’t tell if she’s too drunk, too tired, or too hurt to argue, but she says nothing in return. She changes into the shirt he handed her and gets into the bed, laying down where she usually does, the bed feeling like a second home to her. The bed she thought was a second home was where they had their first kiss, their first time, where they listened to every mixtape she would make him, where she realized she was in love with him, and now where they would spend their last night together. Steve wraps his arm around her waist as they lay in bed, because he knew it was going to be the last time he would. Y/N became engulfed in his arms, pressing a small drunken kiss against his arm, because she knew it was going to be the last time she would. 

Y/N sleeps the whole night through, the alcohol taking over when she laid down. Steve, on the other hand, spent the night staring at the ceiling while contemplating his next move. He knew she wouldn’t remember everything but that some things would stick out. Over and over again he replayed what he was going to say to her when she woke up. It wasn’t until after the sun rose that Steve fell asleep, heart still racing from the thought of the morning. 

When Steve woke up, he found the spot next to him in the bed to be empty, his shirt folded on top of his dresser, and her clothes that were once piled in the corner of his room to be gone. His first instinct was to panic, he didn’t get to talk to her and God only knew what she even remembered from the night before. The panic growing in the pit of his stomach ceased when he heard the bathroom door open. She came out of the bathroom, quietly chuckling at his panicked expression. She looked as perfect as usual; she had removed the remnants of last night’s makeup from her face, smoothed out the knots in her hair, and put her clothes from the night before back on. Perfect, like everything else about her. How could he stop loving her? Maybe he never did. Maybe he just stopped loving who he thought she was and started loving the real her, who hadn’t been around for months. 

Her expression was calm, she seemed more at ease. She picks up her backpack from the floor and slings it over her shoulders, standing near the bedroom door. Steve opens his mouth to speak but she holds up a finger, signaling for him to stay quiet for a moment. “Listen, before I go.” Y/N started, chewing on her lip momentarily. “I love you, Steve. But you don’t love me. And I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t need an explanation, I’m hard to love. I understand. So I just wanted to say that.” she breathes out, steadying herself against his dresser as she speaks so she doesn’t break down. “Goodbye.” 

And with that she was gone. Gone from his house, gone from his life. Or so he thought. 

The goodbye was enough closure for Y/N, it was all she needed. She seemed happier now, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The sparkle was back in her eye, the excitement was back in her voice. The bags underneath her eyes had disappeared, she kept herself looking put together every day, her life began to flourish. She had grown and changed in such a short amount of time and everybody saw it, she was untouchable. Everyone knew that she was independent and didn’t need anybody but herself to make her happy. 

The goodbye was obviously not enough closure for Steve, though. Although she had seemingly left him behind, he still felt Y/N everywhere he went. She was in his bed at night, holding his hand as he walked down the hall, kissing his cheek when he would get out of his car in the morning; it felt so real, but in reality, he was left in the cold. She was still around him more than he expected. They would sit at opposite ends of a long table at lunch with their mutual friends, Steve making periodical glances her way. She would notice, but never thought into it. 

He loved seeing her happy again and never wanted that to change for her. Soon after she left that day, he realized that she was all he could have ever wanted. And he threw it away because of his twisted perceptions of a perfect girl. He saw her as someone who got in his way, blocked him from being who he really wanted to be. In reality, she was only helping him to be the best person he could be. But he pushed her away, breaking her heart more and more every day. Steve knew that if he tried to come back into her life, she wouldn’t be the same. There was no coming back from what he did to her. 

Every once in a while Y/N would have the itching desire to go back to him. She missed their late nights together doing nothing but getting high and laughing their asses off, their early morning impromptu road trips, their every memory made. Every time it happened, she would try to push the thoughts out of her mind, but they would still stick to the back of her brain only to be brought up again weeks later. The only thing getting her through was the thought of how he broke her, shattered her heart into a million pieces. There was no coming back from what he did to her. 

She thought she had finally fallen out of love with him when graduation neared. With that in mind, she decided to go out of state for school, all the way to New York City. Steve heard the news of her moving from Jonathan and his heart broke. He remembered that she always had told him that she ‘wanted to get the fuck out of this hellhole’, but he always thought he’d be doing it with her. Instead, he was staying in the dead end town with nothing but heartbreak and a minimum wage job. 

Graduation came and went without either of them speaking to the other. Both wanted the other but were too scared to say it. Y/N planned on moving halfway through the summer. She started packing in June and packed for days on end. One of those days, she found a box in the back of her closet and an all-too-familiar smell of cologne hit her nose when she pulled it out. Inside were sweatshirts, old t-shirts, polaroids of a once happy couple, notes passed in class, a gold bracelet, a cheesy teddy bear from Valentine’s Day, even a pair of boxers; all from Steve, all from what they once were. 

Packing abruptly stopped for the day when she found those, her heart aching when she saw the pictures of the happiest days of her life in the box. She thought she was over him, but this brought her right back to square one. She cried for hours, about not wanting to move anymore, about wanting to stay in Hawkins, about wanting to stay with him. 

It was a Saturday in June when Steve saw her for the first time since graduation. She looked as beautiful as ever when she came into Scoops Ahoy, but something was off. He had only seen her cry a few times, but he recognized the slightly blotchy, red cheeks and bloodshot eyes from a mile away. All she wanted to do was get some ice cream for comfort, but she was met with Steve. She froze for a moment when she saw him at the counter, not knowing that he worked there. She pulled herself together before she got to the counter, trying to act like she hadn’t been thinking about him the whole week. 

“Ahoy! What can get for you today?” Steve said in his best customer service voice, even though he already knew what she wanted; ice cream runs were something they did together too many times. 

“Just a small chocolate cone please.” she says, a weak smile growing on her lips in response to his cheesy voice and uniform. Her smile that she gave him was genuine, but she was dying on the inside. He could tell that she was regressing back to the person she was before their relationship ended. The sparkle in her eyes was a mere glimmer now, her voice didn’t have much excitement left. She hands him two dollars and tells him to keep whatever the change is, her voice tired and weak. 

“When do you leave?” he blurts out as he scoops her ice cream, regretting it almost immediately, but he was curious. 

“My flight leaves early Tuesday morning.” she says in return as she chews on her lip, a bad habit of hers. 

Steve nods quietly, wishing he could find the words to say, but says nothing at first. He loads up her cone like he knew she would want, his mind brought back to times that she would complain about not having enough ice cream when they would go out. 

“One small chocolate cone for ya. But good luck, Y/N. I’m sure you’ll do great things out there.” Steve says with a somber smile. 

”Thank you, it means a lot, Steve.” she said before making her way out of the ice cream shop. 

That night was no different than any other one in the last week. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and it wasn’t going to stop. Tears flowed freely for hours and she even called Nancy, telling her how she felt about everything. 

“So you’re telling me that you’re still in love with the same guy who broke your heart by stringing you along for months?” Nancy’s voice came through the phone as Y/N sniffled lightly. “And you’re also saying that you’re just now realizing this? Three days before you go halfway across the country? You’re crazy, Y/N.” 

“I know, I just can’t help it. He was my everything, Nance.” she choked out. It felt weird telling this to the girl who broke Steve’s heart, but she knew Nancy was sympathetic. 

“If you really think you’re going to get something out of talking to him, then do it. You’ve both had time to think about everything, so do what you think will be right, Y/N.” 

“Thanks Nance, I love you. But I’m gonna go finish packing for the night and go to bed.” Y/N lies, Nancy says goodbye in return. “Bye.” 

When she hangs up the phone, Y/N rushes to her closet, rummaging around in a bag that was shoved in the back. She remembered a small bag of weed that she had in an old backpack and that she needed to use it up before leaving. If she was going to talk to Steve, she might as well have a conversation starter. She changed from her pajamas into some running shorts and a sweatshirt, shoving the small baggie into her sweatshirt pocket as she walked down the stairs. Sneaking past her dad sleeping on the couch, she took her keys off the counter and made her way outside to her car. 

She made it to Steve’s house in record time, feeling like she had tunnel vision. She knew that his parents wouldn’t be home, they usually weren’t on the weekends. Her breathing hitched when she made it to his door, knocking on it hesitantly. Not even a minute later, she heard Steve unlocking the door and her heart feels like it’s going to beat out of her chest. Steve opens the door, looking groggy; his hair was tousled around and his clothes in a disarray against his body. When he sees who it is, his eyes widen slightly. 

“Hey, Steve.” 

“Hi, Y/N?” Steve replies, his voice groggy from the sleep that she interrupted

She smiles nervously up at him when she sees his confused expression. Digging in her pocket, she pulls out the baggie that was very familiar to Steve. “One last time before I go?” she questions, swinging the bag slightly as she tries to hold back the bittersweet, stinging tears in her eyes. 

“Uh — Yeah! Yeah, sure. One last time.” Steve stammers out with a reassuring smile playing on his lips as he lets her into the house. 

One last good memory. One more night with the girl he would love forever. One more time making memories that would last a lifetime. For one last time.

[dragonsturtles-and-sky]

do all the evens it’s what you deserve ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

2- What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?We’re just friends and looking at apartments together4- Is your last name longer than six letters?Nah, it’s only 56- Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Hahahha yeah 8- How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?A lot, I haven’t kept track10- When was the last time you saw your sister?I have 2 in Colorado I’ve never met12- Where did you sleep last night?On my shitty futon14- If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Easily yes16- Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy, you can watch the rain and listen to it, and watching lightning is the coolest thing imo18- Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Pajama pants even though it’s 6pm20- Does anyone like you?I think at least one person does?22- Is the last person you kissed gay?He’s queer but not out to anyone except me and his best friend 🤷🏼‍♂️24- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?At least 5 times, that’s how many I have rn 26- What breed was the last dog you saw?My downstairs neighbors corgi named Potato!!28- Have you ever kissed a football player?Nope30- Do you like text messaging?Since I have no friends I can easily go to see, yes32- Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?All the time. I just can’t because we can’t have jewelry in the bakery34- Is there a person of the opposite sex that means a lot to you?Yes! They’re non-binary (so am I. What’s an opposite gender for that?)36- Are you a simple or complicated person?A mix of both probably38- When you say you’re sorry, do you mean it?Usually yes 40- What made you start liking the person you like now?How much they made me feel comfortable around them, even before we became close friends. It doesn’t happen often so 🤷🏼‍♂️42- What is wrong with you right now?I’m hungry af man. I don’t have any good food in my apartment44- Does anyone disgust you?Yeah, my mom in Colorado46- Are you in a good mood right now?Yes ☺️48- What colour shirt are you wearing?I’m not wearing a shirt rn50- Anyone you’re giving up on?Not that I can think of52- Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Ha yeah. We stopped talking like 2 or 3 times but always come back to each other bc we care too much about each other54- Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?As long as it’s in moderation and not usually when they’re by themselves. I wouldn’t want to date an alcoholic 56- Do you like to cuddle?YES58- Do you get along with girls?As the gayest guy at work, yes. 60- What do you carry with you at all times?Phone, wallet, keys, vape, lighter, and cigarettes62- Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?Easy64- The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Um who doesn’t?? That’s one of the cutest things ever66- How old are the last three people you kissed?26, 18, and 2068- Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?I like the aesthetic of zebra print better, just make sure it’s fake!70- Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?Lil Wayne72- When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?Aside from the fact I’m ordering some now, about a week 74- What color are the walls in your room?And ugly light brown76- Do you watch pretty little liars?Ha no. 78- What are you initials?S. Q. T.80- Are you from the south?I was born in Texas but raised in New York so you decide for me82- Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?Yeah! We’re good friends now84- Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Hell no86- Do you smoke?I need to quit cigarettes, but I do smoke weed too88- Is your phone touch screen?Yes!90- Have you ever snuck out of your house?I have to visit @uh-oh-spaghetti-no before92- Have you ever made out in a car?Yeah94- Are you single or in a relationship?Singleeeee96- When’s the last time you saw fireworks?It’s been like 2 years 98- Have you ever had a friend with benefits?Right now, but he knows if I get in a relationship that he’ll be just a friend100- Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?Only one or two people, I generally delete them if they upset me102- Name your favorite Kesha song:Dinosaur104- Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?No sane person wouldThanks for this by the wayyyy I appreciate it

[sabansbabes]

The Breakfast Club Pt. 2

~Power Rangers AU~

Kim was frustrated.

Frustrated at her parents, at the school, at her shitty old friends. And most of all, frustrated with herself.

And as she sat in the library she couldn’t help but dwell on what she’d done to get here. How could she have been that cruel? Especially to someone she once considered her best friend.

It all just made her self loathing worse, as if she wasn’t insecure before all this happened.

She sighed, turning her attention away from her dark thoughts and to those around her. There was Jason Scott, golden boy turned fallen football star and then Billy Cranston, quiet kid who kept to himself.

He seemed nice.

Then there was Trini Kwan. They had a few classes together but she didn’t know anything about her. Nothing at all.

Besides her name and the fact that she never seemed to be without her yellow leather jacket and a beanie. She was a mystery and for some unfathomable reason, that intrigued Kim.

Trini felt eyes on her and quickly looked up from her book to see the ex-cheerleader staring her down. The fuck did she want?

Kim looked away and Trini rolled her eyes.

“Fucking cheerleaders” she mumbled under her breath, turning her attention back on the words in front of her.

Kim sighed but continued to look around the library anyway, there was Zach Taylor decked out in black with a cool expression on his face as he messed around with one of those stupid fidget spinners.

And Tomi Oliver in all her glory, her head was down but the green bomber gave it away. It was her signature thing, kind of like Trini’s leather jacket.

Kim had never seen either of them without it.

The sound of heels clicking interrupted her thoughts and she turned to see Rita entering the building, fifteen minutes late. Kim watched as the woman dressed in a green pantsuit and too much gold jewelry slammed her bag down on her desk.

She was the definition of over dramatic, Kim thought as the librarian made her way to the front to face the students.

“Listen up!”

The place was silent, there was literally no reason at all for her to scream.

“I have very few days off in my career. And because of that I cherish them like diamonds but because of you little shits I am forced to be here! Babysitting you like a bunch of four year olds! And it because you don’t know how to maintain yourselves that the innocent-” she gestured to herself and Jason scoffed.

“Have to suffer because of it. How could you be selfis-WHAT DO YOU WANT BILLY?!”

Kim turned her attention to Billy who looked a little taken back at Rita’s reaction. He slumped a in his chair and slowly let his hands slip down  from the air.

He didn’t deserve that.

“I-uh-I was wondering if it you were allowed to use that kind of language when addressing students. I just think don’t think it’s legal for a teacher to be talking to underage kids the way you are. I believe it’s against sch-”

“That’s the fucking thing William, I’m not a teacher! And does it look like I give a shit whether or not the way I talk to you miscreants is appropriate?” She snapped and Kim watched as the brown boy sunk further in his seat. He mumbled something along the lines of an apology and Rita rolled her eyes.  

The ex cheerleader bit her tongue, Rita really had some fucking nerve to come down on him like that. She was pretty sure that the bitch could lose her job for doing this, and all he was trying to do was warn her.

She wondered why Billy even cared. Rita was terrible and everyone knew it.

Maybe he’s just good like that.

The witch muttered something rude under her breath as she made her way around her desk. She plopped ungracefully down into her chair and rummaged through her purse for something.

“You okay Billy?” Kim turned her attention away from the green goblin to Jason who had spun around in his seat to face the brown eyed boy.

“Yeah, It’s fine.”

He didn’t even look at Jason as the words left his mouth. Just continued to tinker around with a few colored pencils, he never let his eyes stray away from them.. She watched as the ex-footballer looked at him worriedly before reluctantly facing back to the front.

Something didn’t sit right with his response, she knew Billy wasn’t okay. no matter what he said. It made her want to punch Rita’s lights out for hurting him.

They sat there, for ten or so minutes, in complete and utter silence.

It made Kim’s skin crawl.

She hated the quiet, she got enough of that at home. She didn’t need it at school too.

“Hey you”

She thanked god for the sound of someone’s voice in this hell hole.

She looked behind her to see Tomi staring intently at Trini. She was trying but failing to get her to look over. Kim might as well help her out, there was nothing else to do. And besides Trini was too lost in the words of her book to notice the girl in the green bomber trying to get her attention.

“Hey Trin”

Her eyes shot up at the sound of her name and she huffed when she realized it came from Kim.

“What do you want?”

Her tone was sharp and cold, Kim ignored the ice in her words and pointed to Tomi.

“I think she’s wants to say something to you.”

Trini looked over  and then back to her.

“Don’t call me Trini. We’re not friends.” She stated simply and before Kim could react, Trini’s eyes were already on Tomi.

“What do you want?”

Her words held the same iciness that they did when she addressed the cheerleader.

Kim smilled, at least she wasn’t the only one that Trini didn’t like.  

“How’d you end up in here?”

So this is where the direction was going.

She didn’t want any part in it. She moved to face Rita who had her eyes closed, ear buds in her ears.

Could this woman be any lazier?

She rolled her eyes and readjusted herself in her seat. Kim didn’t have her phone with her due to the fact that her parents had taken it away earlier that month.

She didn’t argue, she deserved it all

“That’s none of your business”

Kim really couldn’t help but listen in, there was nothing to distract herself.

“If you don’t tell me then I’m just gonna assume what you did and whatever I assume will be way worse then the truth so you might as well just say what you did and save yourself a few rumors.”

“Are you blackmailing me?”

“Absolutely”

There was a few seconds of silence before Kim heard Trini sigh.

“Skipping, I got in trouble for skipping.”

It didn’t surprise her, she didn’t seem like the school type.

“Same.”

Apparently she wasn’t the only person listening in, Kim thought as she tilted her head to see Zach, now facing the two girls, out of the corner of her eye.

“What about you, huh? What did the great Tomi Oliver do to land herself in detention?”

The sarcasm in Trini’s voice when she called Tomi great made Kim smile.

She liked her.

“Well if you must know, I got caught smoking weed in the girl’s bathroom.”

Zach laughed and she could hear Trini snicker.

Tomi didn’t even seem to regret what she did, Kim envied that.

But then again, she wasn’t caught doing drugs in the restroom. What she did, it was so much worse.

“Well now that that’s settled, what about you princess?”

Kim stiffened but turned to face her anyway.

Everyone beside Rita was looking at her now. She didn’t like it.

It made her feel like a bug under a magnifying glass. She hated the feeling.

“Don’t keep us waiting all day.” Tomi smirked and Kim wanted to smack it right off her face.

“Yeah, come on, princess.”

Kim ignored the fuzzy feeling in her stomach when Trini called her princess, she was too busy trying to think of a way to get out of the question.

“I-uh-I…..”

She trailed off, she didn’t want them knowing. She wondered how any of them didn’t know? It was the hottest topic in school for weeks before Jason an-

“I snuck a bull into the school.”

Speaking of which, Kim turned to the blonde grateful for his distraction.

“Yeah everyone knows about that, it cost us the championship and Coach Lee hasn’t shut up about it since. Thanks to you I have to hear that man go on and on about it all gym period. But the question wasn’t for you red, it was for Ms. cheerleader over here. Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Tomi had no idea.

Jason sent her an apologetic look and even though his attempt failed, she was grateful nonetheless. They might have not been great friends but they were still friends. Kim was sure of that.

“Well I-uh-I-um”

Her mouth went dry and the atmosphere seemed thicker for some reason, the air hotter.

She didn’t know how to make what she had done sound less evil, she didn’t know how to make them understand why she had done it.

Shit, she barely did.

“I-well I-what I did wasn’t-I-uhm-I-”

“I blew up my locker”

The sound of Billy’s voice surprised her, his statement took her and everyone else off guard.

“Wait, what?”

Tomi’s interest no longer were focused on her and Kim let out a sigh of relief.

She looked over at the brown boy and he smiled sweetly at her before he was bombarded by questions from the others.

Thank god for Billy Cranston.

(chapter three coming soon)

[kitkatkeithkogane]

all 104 asks :)))

JESUS H. CHRIST. ALRIGHT HERE YOU GO THEN AL OH MY GOD. YOU BETTER DO YOURS TOO OR ELSE I’M COMING FOR YOU. 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Oh man the last person I texted was my friend Lilly and I don’t know her that well so I’d probably say “how did I get here and where are my clothes.” 

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?We’re tight, we send each other memes everyday. Shout out to my boi Zac

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?It depends the drug I guess. Like weed? Tight. Crack cocaine? Um maybe, like, not so tight 

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Yeah it’s eight 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?I was sober af 

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?I liked a straight girl for a long time, but I didn’t so much mess it up as it was never there to begin with since she’s….. y’know straight 

7. What does your last received text say?It’s the little emoticon of that girl holding out her hand. You know. The slay girl? The girl that looks like she’s saying yaaaaass. That one. 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Just once. Once again shout out to my boi Zac

9. Where was your last kiss at?In my car listening to stairway to heaven because I know how to woo a man 

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?I don’t have any siblings, I’m an only child

11. What do you drink in the morning?Water. I’m a slut for hydration 

12. Where did you sleep last night?My apartment. 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?Oh hell yeah boi, but if it’s with the right person it’s worth it. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Yah, every single decision I ever made 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Nah it’s my boi Zac, we’d probs just look at memes 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?I like both! But sometimes too much rain can depress me 

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Oh hell yeah my girl Lilly from question 1, also my old tennis doubles partner Veronica. 

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Pj pants, It’s 1am

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?Honestly who the fuck knows my dude 

20. Does anyone like you?I don’t think so 

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Nope, can’t say that I’ve had

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?Nah my boi Zac is straight

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Yeah a shit ton.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Yes! I want one on my thigh and goddamn it I’m gonna get it 

25. In the past week have you cried?Yeah everyday actually lol, I have depression  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Ah I actually just saw one like an hour ago! I think he was a boxer, like a tiny boxer. 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?In the shower, I hate it when my wet feet touch the carpet is that weird? 

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? 

I have indeed actually 

29. Do you think you’re old?Nah. Maybe. Slightly old. I’m 20

30. Do you like text messaging?Hell yeh I like a good text 

31. What type of day are you having?Really chill, hung out with a friend and had taco bell

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Yeah I’ve thought about it but I don’t have anything pierced so I don’t think I’ll ever do it ha 

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Probably warm weather, I live in Florida so I’ve never really experienced cold, cold weather. 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Ummmmm, my boi Zac? 

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship 

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Complicated. I don’t even understand my damn self. Who the fuck is she and why she gotta be so damn annoying. 

37. What song are you listening to?Nothing, silence. But I will say the song I’m currently in love with right now is Two Fux by Adam Lambert, that shit is amazing.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Oh hell yeah. I say it a lot but I mean it every time.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Um like my mom?

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?I really don’t like anyone right now to be honest.

41. When did you last receive a text message?Um 6:34pm from my girl Lilly

42. What is wrong with you right now?Lol dude so much.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Not that well but well enough to like be comfortable around her.

44. Does anyone disgust you?The current president of the United States, That weasel from back at the barnyard. Idk that guy just freaks me out.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Probably not, maybe when I’m in better control of myself

46. Are you in a good mood right now?Yeah I’m chillin

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My friend Dominique

48. What color shirt are you wearing?Black!

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?YEAH ALEX TELLING ME TO DO ALL OF THESE ASKS. I’M LOOKING AT YOU.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?My owN DAMN SELF. Shit.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?Nah she’s cool.52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Ummmm yeah I’ve had that happen before.

53. Do you like rain?Yeah I do, it’s soothing.

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Nah

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?What else are you supposed to do when you like someone?

56. Do you like to cuddle?Yeah I do but not with like anybody I gotta be tight with you first.

57. Are you shy?People tell me that I am but I hate that.

58. Do you get along with girls?Oh hell yeah I love girls. Platonically and very un-platonically

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?My girl Lilly?? Nah we just friends.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?Probably my phone

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Oh hell yeah!! I love creepy shit. I might cry a little though. But who wouldn’t, ya know?

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?Yeah I have before.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Nope.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Very, I’d probably finger gun at them.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Ummm me and my friend Dominique stayed up reading fanfic together, I thought that was cute. 66. How old are the last three people you kissed?Hoo boy. Um 18, 21, and 20. 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    I mean I love getting my nails done but that’s too expensive.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    I fuck with a leopard print.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    Nope, just a parking decal haha

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    Lil Wayne. I used to go to school with a boy named Lil Wayne. Shout out to my boi Lil Wayne.

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    iPhone, bish

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   Like a week ago on my birthday  

73. Do you like diet soda?    Nope, I don’t like soda.

74. What color are the walls in your room?    At my apartment they’re white, at my house they’re coral, heh.

75. Are you 16 or older?    ]Yup, I’m 20

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  Nope but I read all the books. I think Emily is the reason why I’m bi lol  

77. Do you have a job?    Nope I’m hella unemployed

78. What are your initials?  MMZ  

79. Did you ever have braces?    Nope

80. Are you from the south?    I mean I live in Florida but I was born in California81. What does your last status on facebook say?    I have no idea, I haven’t opened that shit in years.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    Yeah! He’s a great guy! He’s gay now tho lol

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    My mom

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    I’ve done gymnastics, I can do I handstand. That means I’m hip.

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    Spider-Man Homecoming!

86. Do you smoke?    Nahh

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?  Flip Flops, I got high arches, you kno?  

88. Is your phone touch screen?    Why yes it is.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    It’s naturally a little wavy so I guess wavy

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    Nah are you kidding? I’d get killed by my mom. How do kids do that shit? No really I want to know.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  Hmmmmmm probably a river  

92. Have you ever made out in a car?    Why yes, yes I have

93. …Had sex in a car?    No girl

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    I’m huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    Um on tumblr just scrollin

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    Driving to my apartment! I saw the Disney fireworks ha.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  Yeah I love it, it’s great.  

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   Umm…. Yes, yes I have. Heh.  

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    No, but there was this one time I drank so much that I started crying in this random guys lap because I was mad the room wouldn’t stop moving. Good times.

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    Honestly idk I don’t even use facebook

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    God no, and I hope I never do pls god hear my prayer

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    Um gotta be Blow, I love that song

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Omg I have flip flop tan lines don’t judge me    

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  Hell yeah. Yee haw mother fuckers.

[lets-share-a-paopu]

Got these from an ask me post but decided to answer them ALL

ASK ME THINGS

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“good morning beautiful”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re dating

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends, if it was weed, maybe a little. Harder stuff, yes

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

no

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Yes

7. What does your last received text say?

“haha you sneaky boy”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

a lot...

9. Where was your last kiss at?

my house? my gf’s house? something like that

10. When is the last time you saw your sister brother?

One of them this morning, the other just over 5 years

11. What do you drink in the morning?

milk usually

12. Where did you sleep last night?

on the couch

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

depends on the people in the relationship and whatever is going on in their lives

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Yes, I would change the way my second tattoo healed because it did not heal well and now I need touchups :(

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

that would be the opposite of a problem

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

pj pants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

yes

20. Does anyone like you?

I sure as hell hope so or I’m gonna have an interesting convo with my gf

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Bi

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Yes but not gonna say

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

I have two so yes

25. In the past week have you cried?

no

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Cocker spaniel/poodle 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

wait people dry off in the shower?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no

29. Do you think you’re old?

at times 

30. Do you like text messaging?

most of the time

31. What type of day are you having?

meh, nothing special

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

no

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Hell yes

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

simple

37. What song are you listening to?

Caught in the Middle- Paramore

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Yes 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yes 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

I can’t narrow it down to one thing 41. When did you last receive a text message?

33 minutes ago 42. What is wrong with you right now?

Miss my girl 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Very well 44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Already am 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yeah 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

My brother 48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Pink 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Naw 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

No 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Yes 53. Do you like rain?

Yes 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

They don’t drink a lot so no 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Yes 56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES 57. Are you shy?

Only if I’m not comfortable with the person/people 58. Do you get along with girls?

Yes 59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Currently am 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Yes because I need the money 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

My current one is going on 10 months so 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Yes 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Yes 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I got a cute message

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

19, 20, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

Neither 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

Neither 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

No? 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Luke Bryan 71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?    

Not Blackberry 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Couldn’t tell you 73. Do you like diet soda?    

No 74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Grey 75. Are you 16 or older?    

Yes 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

No 77. Do you have a job?    

Yes   78. What are your initials?    

CVL 79. Did you ever have braces?    

Yes 80. Are you from the south?    

Southern Canada

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

Fuck idk that was a long time ago 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

From time to time 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Neither 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

Yes, gymnastics 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 86. Do you smoke?    

nope 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flippy floppies 88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

lake 92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

no 93. …Had sex in a car?    

no 94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

Hanging with the boys 

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

New Years 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

Yeah it does its job 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

no 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

Probably? 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

Meh 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Idk  103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

Yes 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

As a joke yes

[sneaklett]

Asks

@blazeninja4474​

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Honestly I'd probably make some kinda dumbass joke about keys dropping or BBC 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? We live together and have our anniversary in 5 days so you could probably say we’re dating. 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? Well like, weed is cool but nothing stronger. 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope, I was actually named so all my names are 5 letters! 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I mean, wanted someone and didn't get them yes, but not my fault just a bad time for them. 7. What does your last received text say? "Someone stole their name" 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Like a million times, probably more 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the futon in the basement 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Like a week or so ago 11. What do you drink in the morning? Tea or water 12. Where did you sleep last night? On the futon in the basement 13. Do you think relationships are hard? Yes and no, you should work hard through problems but you shouldn't have to struggle just to maintain it. 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I'd spend more time with my bunny rabbit Toast, you never know what will happen. 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Nope 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? I prefer sun but I've really appreciated the rain lately 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope! 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Pajama pants - specifically hot pink with pandas all over them. 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Yeah, although he better have proposed by then lol 20. Does anyone like you? I'd hope my friends and boyfriend 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Yeah but he was just a friend and it was a long time ago. 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Kinda yes, Kinda no. 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? There are several people I cannot stand, thankfully I haven't seen most of them since high school. 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? I have one tattoo already and I'm getting my second tattoo a week from today.

25. In the past week have you cried?

Literally every day 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Pitbull & Doxie (my dogs)

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? In the shower 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nope 29. Do you think you’re old? Age wise I am young, but experience wise I feel extremely old. 30. Do you like text messaging? Yeah, way more than talking 31. What type of day are you having? Day just started so not sure yet. 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yeah, I actually bought a fake septum ring to try it out but then I never got around to it. 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm. I HATE the cold. 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Most of the people who mean a lot to me are dudes. My boyfriend and closest friends. 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationship 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I like to think I'm simple but if I asked someone they'd probably call me complicated. 37. What song are you listening to? No music right now but my favorite song lately has been Peter Hammond's cover of Loch Lomund 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Yep! 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He laughed at my horribly morbid jokes in forensics class 41. When did you last receive a text message? 6:28 AM today 42. What is wrong with you right now? My son died, I'm unemployed, I have my period, I can't go to college... 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Pretty well since she's my aunt. 44. Does anyone disgust you? Honestly yes, people who are racist/sexist/etc. I will not even attempt to hide my disgust. Also people who treat waiters or retail workers poorly. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? 1 person, but he asked me two years ago 46. Are you in a good mood right now? Kinda in between, I got cramps and I didn't sleep good. 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My boyfriend. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a grey deadpool shirt 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Not really 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? One person, but I gave up a long time ago. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? I used to, I used to hate both of my ex-boyfriends but honestly, since it's been almost 4 years for one and about 2 years for the other, I've gotten over it. I'd rather just be polite. 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Absolutely 53. Do you like rain? As long as I can be inside. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Nah, thats his choice. As long as he is safe and loyal I'm fine with it. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Nope, I've actually told everyone I've ever liked. 56. Do you like to cuddle? Fuck yeah 57. Are you shy? Yes and no, I like hiding behind people, I feel safer that way, but if they're also shy then I will step up. 58. Do you get along with girls? I get along with anyone who isn't causing me problems. 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? I took him to prom, but he's gay so nah. 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Yeah, I don't really believe in ghosts 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah, most of my relationships have lasted 5 months or longer 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yep 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yeah, he's fuckin adorable 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? My boyfriend's been pretty sweet which is cute. 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? The most recent is 20... other than that I don't remember. 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?     Do them myself 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?     Leopard Print 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?     Nope, dont even have a car 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     Neither tbh 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?     iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?     Few months ago when I was high. 73. Do you like diet soda?     I don't drink soda 74. What color are the walls in your room?     Blue and white 75. Are you 16 or older?     Yeah, 19 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?     I watched like one episode but eh 77. Do you have a job?       No, but I am searching 78. What are your initials?     MHW 79. Did you ever have braces?     Yeaah, but my teeth are janky because I didn't wear my retainers 80. Are you from the south?     Kinda sorta. I'm in Maryland which is like borderline south and north. 81. What does your last status on facebook say?     "i love him" with a picture of a really fluffy baby cow

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?     Nope. We're on good terms but we don't have any particular reason to talk to each other. 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     About equal tbh 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?     I did gymnastics when I was really little. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?     I honestly have no clue. I think it was The Visit which was trash. I don't really like going to the movies. 86. Do you smoke?     I used to smoke weed but I haven't touched it in a few months. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?     Heels 88. Is your phone touch screen?     Yep 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?     Straight? I have like no hair tho 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     Yup 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     River 92. Have you ever made out in a car?     Yeah 93. …Had sex in a car?     Nope 94. Are you single or in a relationship?     Relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?     Having night terrors 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?     I suppose some time last summer when my dickbag neighbors were setting them off. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?     No, its fucking awful. 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?     Not really 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?     Like once 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?     Yuppp 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?     Who hasn't ? 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:     Literally all of them, I fucking love Ke$ha. Go ahead, judge me. 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?     Nope. 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Nope.

[wordscannotdescribethesethoughts]

4/2/20 (april)

What the fuck is the world right now.

I have almost no money left. My dad lost his job two months ago and hasn’t found work yet. Even if he does, it will be a pay decrease. I can’t find a job anywhere and now it’s actually impossible because everything is shut down. Almost everyone is getting laid off or making significantly less money or can’t find work or has a paycheck for now but who knows what the future will bring. I can’t even apply to get unemployment insurance money because I wasn’t working before this. I was trying to become financially independent. Now I know that is not going to possible for a while. I hate relying on other people for a place to live or money to buy food. I feel like shit because I stopped working to go to grad school, cause now I can’t pay for anything and school is so expensive.

I need to move into my own place and get a full-time job and support myself, and then go back to school a year later. But now I can’t even get a job. The only places that are still operating are grocery stores and hospitals. I’m going to try to get into freelance writing online, but that is going to be difficult to get started and it will be awhile before I start making like any money. I’m also taking full-time classes at grad school (which are all online now).

I’ve so had it with my boyfriend literally constantly smoking weed. He told me he wanted to quit and that he would try. It’s been over a year now since we agreed on that. Nothing. He keeps telling me something different and making up excuses or turns it into a joke and ignores what I’m saying. I can’t do this anymore. I have been kind and patient, I have tried to help him out by distracting him, I have tried to remind him, I have tried to make jokes about it, I have tried getting angry at him, I even told him that if he keeps going forever I’m not going to want to be with him. He tells me what I want to hear, and then doesn’t even try to quit. His excuse was that he “couldn’t quit while we’re doing long distance because it’s too hard and he just sits at home depressed.” Now that I’m here for a while and obviously not going anywhere anytime soon because of the pandemic, he says “I never said I was going to quit.” I’m not stupid. I’m fucking done, is what I am.

He has shown me he is capable of lasting, significant change in other areas of his life. He just doesn’t want to do this. Not for himself, and not enough to actually do something about it. I love him so much and honestly he is perfect in every other way. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. But I can’t do this. I just can’t. I can’t sit by and watch him actively escape from everything all the time. His diet consists of white bread/white pasta, meat, occasionally cheese, milk, and junk food. He eats chips with every meal unless he makes mashed potatoes instead. He never exercises at all. The most I have gotten him to do is a 5-10 minute walk (a couple times) which two of those he initiated, so it is progress, but still fuck. He smokes cigarettes a lot. All he does is watch tv, sit on his phone (facebook videos and occasionally reddit), and play video games. All while smoking so much weed of course. He smokes weed every single night before bed, he’s even taken it with him on family camping trips and snuck off to do it, because he doesn’t want to sit with his thoughts at night for more than 30 seconds so he takes it to pass out immediately. He has never eaten a single meal without watching tv. He will pull netflix up on his phone if for some reason he doesn’t have access to the tv. He refuses to eat a single meal without the tv on. He has real escape problems and he doesn’t give a shit to change any of them at all. I’ve tried to explain to him that it’s not a bad thing to just think for a couple minutes. He said it was. o.O

I told myself that if he was still smoking weed on March break, that I would not move in with him until he quit weed completely. He always tries to bargain with me and says “what if I just do it at night before bed.” Like he really believes that he can ONLY do it once a day. No? He doesn’t want to quit. He just doesn’t want me to leave him.

It is soooooo unattractive that he does not care about his health at all. I’m done believing his lies about his addiction to weed. That he’ll stop. Yeah right. I can’t do this. He wants kids like more than anything, and I am NOT having kids with someone who’s addicted to weed and doesn’t care about his health in other ways either, including never eating a goddamn vegetable in his life. 

[sheepbutthead]

All.

.Very concise.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“Hey babe.”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re dating and it’s going really well. 

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I think it depends on the drugs. I guess really anything past weed is too much. 

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nah

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober. I feel like if I really tried to kiss while I was drunk it would not go well.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Like? Everytime??

7. What does your last received text say?

“Thats cutee”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Dude, who knows. Countless times.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

My bedroom? I think?

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I can see her right now.

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Whatever spit is in my mouth. And then water because my morning breath is awful.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My room.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I think they’re only as hard as you make them. But they do come with a certain level of difficulty.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Honestly, I haven’t done much so maybe just some of my impulse buys? I’m terrible with that shit.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

I’d say that’s the opposite of a problem.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Rainy, my man

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

A lot of people have my middle name as a last name but I don’t think I’ve met anyone that has it as a middle name too.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

PJ pants all the time, man

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

I’d really hope so. 

20. Does anyone like you?

I’d really hope so. 

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Nope

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Maybe a lil

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

I think I handle even the most annoying or asshole-ish people pretty well. Maybe my mom’s boyfriend?

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

At least three times a week.

25. In the past week have you cried?

No, but there’s been way too many close calls.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Pomeranian-Chihuahua mix. My bud, Dusty.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Out of the shower. There’s not enough room for me in the shower.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Naahhhh

29. Do you think you’re old?

Not really. I’m only 18. But eyyy I’ll be 19 in like…9 days.

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yes? That’s kind of a weird question.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s alright. Just kind of neutral.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I’ve thought about it but I don’t think I would.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

COLD WEATHER PLEASE

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Definitely

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

I can appreciate both. I guess flings can be fun and not as stressful or whatever but I’d much rather be in a relationship.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Isn’t everyone complicated? I don’t know anyone who isn’t.

37. What song are you listening to?

Little embarrassing, but I’m listening to Pussy Doe by Pink Guy. I’m trying out new music and FilthyFrank is sort of a guilty pleasure.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

It depends on what happened, if it was really my fault, and if the person’s being a dick about it.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

One knows more than any others but maybe not everything.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

She’s very genuine and super nice. She gets along well with my family and she’s been my friend for years.41. When did you last receive a text message?

Like, 10 minutes ago.42. What is wrong with you right now?

mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMBOI43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

I think know her pretty well by now.44. Does anyone disgust you?

My mom’s boyfriend. Some other people but only at certain times. The boyfriend is a constant.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

I’m dating someone sooo46. Are you in a good mood right now?

I’m alright. Better than I’ve been lately but not really amazing.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

My little brother, Noah.48. What color shirt are you wearing?

White49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Not really. It’s been chill.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

I’m not really giving up on anyone. I’m just losing a little faith in them.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Nah, I might have for a while but then I grew the fuck up and realized everything’s pretty much my fault anyway.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

I’ve done that a few times but then I usually eventually shut it down.53. Do you like rain?

Yeah boi54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nah she can drink if she wants. She just has trouble with wandering off when she’s drunk.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

I think I’ve told everyone that I’ve had a crush on about the crush at some point. That doesn’t count microcrushes though. But that barely counts.56. Do you like to cuddle?

I like it but I get a little restless just laying there so I usually have something else to do.57. Are you shy?

I guess so? Not nearly as much as I used to be.58. Do you get along with girls?

I’ve only had one friend that’s been a guy. The rest have been girls. So I guess so.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

I am currently dating that person.60. What do you carry with you at all times?

I usually have my wallet, keys, sunglasses, and my alien hat with me. Sometimes my pocket knife. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

It depends on if I can bring someone with me. I’ll split the money or whatever. But if I couldn’t bring someone then I think, if I really tried, I could do it. But I’ll be awake for every second.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I have before and I am now so yeah, I can.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

October of 2016? Maybe? I don’t know. I was either in a fwb thing or I was dating Jessi. I don’t really remember.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

It’s super cute. It’s hard for her to do something and not make it cute.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Not really. It’s been kind of a low week. Maybe my pets or something did a cute thing.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

How old are they now? 18,18, and 17. I think. Correct me if I’m wrong. 

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

I don’t really do anything with my nails except cut them so I’ll just do it myself.    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

Ew. I think maybe leopard print. It’s probably the lesser of two evils.    69. Do you have any stickers on your car? 

I have a reflective sheep sticker for my nickname.   70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Probably Lil Wayne. I don’t like country music.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

Android, yo.72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?  

When I was like, 10. I don’t like Pizza Hut pizza.  73. Do you like diet soda?    

Nah74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Like an eggshell white75. Are you 16 or older?    

I’m older than 16. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  

Nope  77. Do you have a job?    

Not really. I cut grass and watch my brothers. That’s about it.  78. What are your initials?    

JBW79. Did you ever have braces?    

Nope, thank god.80. Are you from the south?    

Unfortunately. Alabama is beautiful, geographically. But everything else is kind of shitty.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

Shit I don’t know. I never really made any status posts myself. I was just tagged in a lot of stuff.82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Yes83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Probably my mom, but that’s mainly because she has custody of me.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   

Nope, I’m not flexible at all. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

I think it was some superhero movie. I really can’t remember.86. Do you smoke?    

Nah but I want to try weed.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?  

Flip flops but not the ones with the thing that goes in between your toes. The sliders or whatever they’re called.  88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes?89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

My hair is curly. I have no choice in the matter.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

A bunch of times.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

I’d rather swim in a pool because I’m paranoid.92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

The next question is kind of going to answer this again but yeah.93. …Had sex in a car?    

Yes and it was surprisingly good for being so cramped.94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

I’m taken, yo.95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Burning my eyes out with my computer screen and looking for that meme hoodie with all the hentai sex faces on it because it’s horrible and I want it.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

I have a bunch of fireworks left over from the 4th of July so I shoot them off sometimes.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

Yeah it’s pretty good.98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   

A few times, yeah. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   

Nah but I was close one time. 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

Nah, I usually just cut them out because facebook is a black hole of garbage and I don’t really care about it.101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

Kind of but nothing super scary.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

I don’t really listen to her but I think I heard one of her recent songs and it was pretty good.103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

Only my slightly-less-pale farmer’s tan kind of thing. I’m pale, man.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

In my younger years, yes. But no, not now.