#it’s just what it is blame Liam O’Brien | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

axwalker · 4 years ago

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Tears in Heaven 10: Endings

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

Pairings: Drake x MC (TRR)

Warnings: NO ONE UNDER 18 should read this story. This is an 18+ blog.

Mention of child death, mention of depression, grieving

N*FW content!

A/N: There will be a small epilogue next week, but this is the official ENDING.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you so much to all the people that read it, shared it and commented it. Every single like, reblog or comment gave me life! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@mskaneko Thank you for all your amazing insights when you read and your incredibly inspiring edits and mood boards. You’re one of a kind!

@pedudley Thank you for pre-reading every chapter and being such a great, supportive friend. Your feedback meant a lot/

@burnsoslow The MVP of this whole thing!! I was so stuck before your brilliant book idea!! Thank you for that and for the hours and hours (and hours) of editing!! Without you I would’ve never been able to write this fic. You’re an amazing friend and human being. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH ❤️

To catch up: Masterlist

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry. The edit at the end of this fic belongs to the talented @mskaneko

Word count: 7 697 (!!!)

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Tagging: @ao719 @yukinagato2012 @texaskitten30 @kingliam2019 @cordonia-gothqueen @bebepac @nomadics-stuff @cordonianroyalty @forthebrokenheartedthings @bascmve01 @gibbles82 @mom2000aggie @gardeningourmet

Perma: @burnsoslow @mskaneko @mskaneko @pedudley @pug-bitch @ac27dj @twinkle-320 @kimmiedoo5 @marshmallowsandfire @loveellamae @debramcg1106 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @ravenpuff02 @princessleac1 @ritachacha @drake-colt-lover-99

Liam woke up feeling restless. He rolled over in bed, trying to get a few minutes of sleep, but guessed it would be useless. Before taking a long hot shower, Liam called the kitchens so they’d bring him a large jug of strong coffee with his breakfast - he would need it to get through the day. Thirty minutes later, he was sitting on the balcony of his room at Valtoria, sipping his second cup of coffee of the morning and thinking about his fiancée. More than the conversation he had had with Alexis two days prior, it was the one he and his brother had shared the previous afternoon that he was obsessing over.

Since he had met her, he had been head over heels for Alexis. However, even if his love for her was undeniable, the real question was if they were right for each other. Reluctantly, Liam had to admit that he barely recognized himself in the jealous, controlling, manipulative man he had become. And as tempted as he was to blame Drake and his return for the demise of their relationship, deep down, he knew something else was profoundly wrong with them.

Leo was right: He didn’t trust Alexis. Liam wanted to, desperately, but he just couldn’t. The memory of the day he had found her almost dead on her bed still haunted him. Liam had never really gotten over it.

Alexis entered their room and saw Liam sitting with his paper and sipping coffee, lost in his thoughts. Earlier that morning, when she had left Drake’s cabin, she had done so convinced that the only right decision was to marry Liam. However, standing there and watching him, her own words resonated in her head. Liam deserved better. And he did; he deserved better than a life with a woman that would never be able to fully love him. Neither of them would ever be happy if they went ahead with their wedding.

Alexis was scared -- terrified -- of loving Drake again, of facing her grief, but hiding behind Liam couldn’t wouldn’t, be the solution anymore.

“Hi, Li,” she said, sitting on the chair next to him.

“Love.” Liam saw her sad expression and instinctively knew what she was about to tell him.

Alexis hugged herself and took a sharp breath, trying to gather some courage. Her eyes watered as she tried to get the words out. “I’m sorry, Liam.”

Liam’s hand gripped his cup of coffee. “You’re calling off the engagement.”

“I … I wasn’t planning to do it,” she sobbed. “But the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m not good for you, Liam.”

Despite his best efforts, a cold rage overpowered him. “Do not pretend that this has nothing to do with Drake, Alexis.”

“I’m not going to lie. Drake showing up again accelerated things. But our problems have nothing to do with him. Our marriage wouldn’t have lasted. We were asking too much from each other. I would never be happy being a duchess, and I know how badly you want to be a father, Liam. It was selfish of me to ask such a huge sacrifice of you.”

“I don’t care, Alexis. I would do anything for you,” Liam implored. “I know we have problems, but I’m sure that if we work together, we would be able to find a solution.”

She shook her head. “Are you happy with me, Li?”

He brushed his thumb over her cheek. “I love you very deeply, Alexis.”

“That’s not what I asked. You’re constantly worried about me. You don’t trust me. And we never share our problems because we don’t want to burden each other. We never talk about Tom.” She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

Liam’s eyes widened. “Did you just say his name?”

She nodded.

“One day with him, and you’re already saying Tom’s name again.” His glossy eyes looked at her. “It’s always been him,” he muttered. “All this time, you didn’t stop loving Drake, did you?” he asked her.

“Liam … please don’t go there,” she begged, more tears running down her face.

“Did you ever even love me?” His voice betrayed the cool façade he was trying to maintain. Incapable of staying put, he stood up in front of the balcony’s railing.

Alexis cut the distance between them and hugged him as tightly as she could. After a moment, she took his head between her hands. “I love you, Liam. And not only because you saved my life, but because you’re an amazing, loving, generous man; because of all the moments we shared together. You gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings. Thanks to you, I was able to smile, to live again. I’ll never forget that.”

“Right ... you’ve always loved me, but you never fell in love with me,” Liam replied bitterly.

At that moment, watching Liam breaking in front of her, Alexis hated herself. “I tried Li. And it has nothing to do with you; I just never really got over … everything.”

Liam wiped a tear from her face. Too heartbroken to talk, he simply took her in his arms and kissed her head.

Alexis took off the engagement ring and placed it in his palm. “I never deserved this. And maybe you don’t believe me right now, but I know you’ll meet someone who will.”

Every word she pronounced felt like he was being stabbed. Liam turned his gaze towards the gardens. “Please leave, Alexis. There is no point in prolonging this anymore.”

Alexis squeezed his hand and left him there. As she walked away, a strong feeling of contrition flitted through her body in response to the tightness in her chest. However, despite her guilt over hurting a good man, Alexis knew she had made the right decision.

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Drake put his syringe and gloves in his bag, patted Thunder on his rump, and left the horse’s stall, rubbing his neck tiredly. After a long day doing the weekly check-ups on the horses of one of his biggest clients, he was shattered. However, working to exhaustion hadn’t worked as well as he had hoped; Alexis and her goddamn stubbornness hadn’t left his mind for a second.

When he finally got home, his heart skipped a beat when he saw Alexis sitting on the steps of his porch, waiting for him.

“Hi, Drake.”

His heart raced as it did every time he saw her. “Hi, Lexie.”

“Can we talk?” she asked, and he detected a slight edge in her voice.

“Of course, Lexie. Let’s go inside.”

Alexis shook her head no. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d preferred if we take a walk.”

“Why?” Drake questioned, puzzled.

Because if I enter the house, I won’t be able to leave it again. “It’s better,” she stated simply.

“Okay.” Drake shoved his hands in his pockets. If she didn’t want to come into the house, that meant she was divorcing him and choosing Liam. He felt the pain of losing her all over again threaten his heart.

Drake and Alexis walked a while next to each other without a word. Inadvertently, they took the path to the lake where they used to fish and have picnics with Tom. Drake glanced over her; the look in her eyes was not sad as he had expected but determined. She was wearing the fierce expression that meant she had made a decision.

They sat in the old wooden pier next to each other. “What do you want to talk about, Lexie?”

Alexis bit her bottom lip. “I broke up with Liam.”

His eyes immediately darted to her left hand. Relieved to see that the ring was gone, Drake exhaled a lightened breath. “Lexie.” He was impatient to kiss her, to feel her again, but something about her demeanor stopped him. An awful thought snaked into his mind. “Do you want to sign the divorce papers anyway?”

Alexis placed her small hands on his large ones. “No. It’s the last thing I want.” She smiled at him.

Drake cupped her face, allowing his thumb to draw soft circles around her lips. “I don’t get it. Why are you so sad?”

“I need to ask you for something.” Drake nodded, still tenderly rubbing her face. “I’m sure that I don’t want a divorce. But I’m not ready to move back here yet.” She took a sharp breath. “I never really grieved Tom, you know? I mean, I did all the four first stages. I was furious at first and then hurt and broken at that clinic. But after my depression, I regressed. I realize now that I’ve been in denial for the past three years.”

Drake wiped her tears again and pulled her close to him.

“My therapist didn’t want me to leave the clinic. She said I wasn’t ready, but I wasn’t a danger to myself anymore, so she didn’t have any other choice but to sign my release. I need to do that now. Finish my therapy, be alone, and I’m sure you’re going to roll your eyes at this,” she joked, “but I need time to find myself. I don’t know who I am anymore, Drake. I don’t do any of the things I used to enjoy. And I feel this guilt that I can’t seem to shake. I feel guilty for the pain that I just caused Liam, but I especially feel guilty about us. About all the things I told you that day.”

“Lexie, please. You have to let that go. You weren’t yourself back then -- neither of us was,” Drake said tenderly.

“I still need to forgive myself.” She squeezed his hands. “Please don’t give up on me, Drake. I just need some time. A few months, maybe,” she pleaded with tears in her eyes.

It hurt like hell, but he understood. Drake took her face between his hands. “Listen to me, baby, because this is very important. I love you. No matter what. No matter what I’ve done or you’ve done. No matter what will happen. I will always love you.” He interrupted himself to give her a soft kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “If I have to wait for you for the rest of my life, I will. I lost you once, but I swear I will never lose you again. Never.” She smiled through her tears. “This is what I wanted. That you chose whatever was best for you. And I think this is it. I’ll be here at the end, loving you. Okay?”

“Thank you, Drake.” She leaned in to kiss him, and he crashed his mouth with hers in a searing, hungry kiss. After a breathless moment, he forced himself to stop. It was clear that Alexis wasn’t ready for anything else. They shared a few more moments together, then Drake walked her back to her car.

She opened the door but stood next to it, torn between her longing to stay and her need to leave.

“I know you need to go through this alone, but promise me that if it’s too much, you’ll call me, Lexie. Day or night.” Drake said as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I promise.” Alexis kissed him again, trying to memorize how much she enjoyed his lips on hers, the way he had to kiss her with all his body. Drake held her as close as he could; if he had his way, he would never let her go.

But Alexis was too confused, too rattled by everything that had happened. She needed to claim her independence and regain control of her life before coming back to him. Watching her leave broke his heart, but he knew that she was worth the waiting.

With tears in her eyes, she got in her car and drove away, hoping that she wasn’t making a huge mistake.

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The first month was arduous. Coming back to therapy and having to deal with Tom’s death proved to be as challenging as Alexis had thought, but she persisted, determined to get better. She and Drake respected their arrangement and didn’t see each other, but whenever a session became too strenuous, or she was at risk of getting depressed, she called him, and they talked for hours over the phone. Drake told her about his experiences in prison and his life in Spain, and she finally spoke about the long months she had been committed to the clinic and her suicide attempt. Each phone call left them hopeful and terribly nostalgic, but Drake never pressured her.

After two months of intense therapy, Dr. Salas, her psychologist, encouraged her to do something for herself. Alexis immediately knew what she needed. For the next four months, she rented a cottage in Portavira and moved next to the beach. It was a small cottage, but it had a porch where she could sit, watch the ocean, and write every day. During that time, Alexis cried a lot, but she also began to take long walks along the beach, hike and swim in the ocean; the calm of the secluded beach and the soothing sound of the waves had a curative power on her. Alexis missed Drake desperately, more and more with every passing day, but she knew that she needed to finish what she had started before coming back to him.

The first days in Portavira, Alexis only managed to write a few lines, but soon an idea began to form in her mind. At first, she refused it; nothing would be more painful than writing that, but Dr. Salas had suggested that it could be cathartic to explore her grief through her words. One afternoon where Alexis was feeling unusually relaxed, she sat in front of her computer with a cold glass of Chardonnay and started typing. She cried her eyes out with every word, but in the end, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest. For the first time since her little boy had died, Alexis accepted that while the pain in her chest would never really disappear, she might be able to be happy again.

The next morning, she called Charlie, her old boss, and sent her the manuscript.

Drake was quickly regaining his excellent reputation among the owners of Cordonian stables and racetracks. Thoughts about Lexie consumed him day and night, so he spent those six months working like crazy. In his spare time, he read, fished, or rode his horse, but he felt restless all the time. One night after talking to her, an idea crept into his mind. He already knew the perfect place, so he made an offer, and when he got it, he devoted all his free time to making it perfect.

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Liam rubbed his eyes tiredly; he had been up working for almost 20 hours straight, trying to figure out a way to bring new investors to Valtoria. He, Hana, and his team had developed a health plan that aimed to offer affordable healthcare to all the duchy’s citizens, but he needed private investors and the help of the Crown to be able to fund it.

At almost 10:00 p.m., Liam leaned against his chair. Hana dropped her pen on the desk and raked her hair with her hands. They both yawned at the same time, which made them chuckle.

“We’re too tired, Hana,” Liam said as he stood up to get a drink from the cart in his office. “Something to drink?”

“Gin, please,” Hana answered, grinning.

Liam couldn’t help but admire how pretty his assistant was. Hana was a special woman; she was smart and kind, and she cared about Valtoria almost as much as he did. He always had fun in her company.

Alexis had left him six months ago. The first two months had been hell; after being in love with her for so long, Liam had had trouble adjusting to the idea that she would never be with him. However, after some time, he realized that Alexis had made the right decision. They weren’t happy together; she had never stopped loving Drake, and he was in love with a woman who no longer existed. Besides, Liam had to admit that he felt lighter and freer without the burden of his constant concern for her. His love for Alexis wasn’t healthy or romantic; it was toxic and harmful for both of them.

Liam handed Hana her gin, smiling at her. “What would you think if I called that place where we had dinner with the French ambassador the other night? We can ask for a couple of Black Truffle Croque Monsieur and some eclairs au chocolat?” he asked playfully, his stomach groaning at the thought.

Hana’s face lit up. “That would be perfect, Liam.”

“You call the restaurant, Hana. I will go look for a bottle of Beaujolais from the cellar.” Liam left his office, grinning. He didn’t know why, but the prospect of spending an intimate moment with Hana made him happier than he had been in a long time.

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Alexis swam for almost an hour. The cold, tranquil ocean was the only place where she could calm her nerves that morning. After four months on the beach, she was going back to Cordonia that same afternoon, hopefully to stay. Charlie had arranged a public reading in a small bookstore in Cordonia to launch her book, and Alexis had invited Drake - the real reason behind her nervousness that morning. A smile formed on her lips from just the thought of him. When she had called him to invite him to the reading, she hadn’t dared to tell him that she was ready, that she couldn’t wait another minute to be with him. Mostly because she didn’t want to do it over the phone.

But also because a part of her was still scared. There was no doubt in her heart; she loved Drake more than anything. But what if they were able to be happy again and another tragedy struck them? If she had to go through the pain of losing him again, Alexis knew without the shadow of a doubt that she wouldn’t be able to recover.

In addition to all of that, there was something she needed to tell him, and Alexis wasn’t sure how Drake was going to react. She stepped out of the ocean and dried herself. When she got to the house, Alexis went to her closet, thinking about what she was going to wear. Butterflies flapped in her stomach, knowing that she was dressing for him, that if everything went well, she would be in his arms that same night — the feeling of being 19 years old all over again washed over her. After a short shower, she applied light makeup and blow-dried her hair. Before leaving the house, she looked at herself in the mirror. It didn’t matter how scared she was; fear had dominated her life for almost five years. It wouldn’t control another minute of it.

Drake turned on the engine of his jeep, his heart racing thinking about her. He had no idea what her book was about, but Alexis had talked about it with that cute voice she had when she was really thrilled about something. Drake could almost see her face if he closed her eyes: her wide, gorgeous smile and a pink blush covering her cheeks with excitement. During their conversation, she hadn’t said anything about their marriage, but Drake knew she wouldn’t have invited him if she wasn’t ready to be with him again. At least he really hoped so. Before going to the library, he made a quick stop. His project was on the right track. He prepared the last surprise for her and then left for the reading.

The children’s bookstore that Charlie had picked was perfect. Small and cozy, it had a lounge with two large sofas and colorful cushions. Posters of Tom Sawyer’s books and figurines of the Harry Potter and Narnia universes decorated the walls. The owner had moved an antique armchair to the middle of the room, so the kids and their parents would be surrounding Alexis in a half-circle as she told her story. She was greeting the families that her agent had invited when she heard a familiar voice calling her.

“Blossom!” Maxwell ran to hug her. “I missed you so much; I have a million things to tell you!”

She hugged her best friend back. “Hi, Max! I missed you too. How’s the married life?”

“Perfection. Rashad is the best husband in the world. A total control freak, but I knew that already.”

Alexis laughed. “Anyone seems like a control freak compared to you.”

“I guess that’s true.” Max beamed, looking at her. She was wearing a beige mid-length dress with an oversized camel blazer and nude high heels. “You’re gorgeous, by the way.” Her friend gave her a knowing smile. “Drake is going to drop dead when he sees you.”

She gave her friend an anxious smile. “He isn’t here yet.”

“He’ll be here soon, Lexie. Don’t worry,” Maxwell said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Darling, everything looks fabulous.” Olivia kissed both her cheeks. “I’m so proud of you,” she said earnestly.

“Come on, Liv. Don’t make me think you’ve gone soft,” Alexis teased.

“I mean it, Alexis.”

“I know you do,” she replied, squeezing her best friend’s hands. “Thank you.”

Charlie interrupted them. “Please take your seats. You need to start, Alexis.”

Alexis sat in the armchair; she glanced at the door one more time, and there he was, looking shamelessly handsome in a white shirt and jeans. Drake winked at her as he sat on one of the sofas next to her. His boyish grin had the power of rendering her speechless. She swallowed her nervousness and opened the book. Drake noticed that it was signed by Alexis Walker, and his smile got wider.

“Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Tom who lived in a small red cabin in the middle of the woods. Every night before bed, his mom and dad sang him lullabies and told him stories of faraway lands, brave princes, and courageous queens. His best friends were Buttons, a little grey rabbit that followed Tom everywhere he went, and Maxie, an enthusiastic fire truck with a loud voice that only Tom could hear. Tom wanted to travel very far; thus, his dream had always been to conquer the faraway lands his parents described to him every night. One sunny April morning, Tom put his wooden sword and blue cape in his backpack and left, followed by Buttons and Maxie, to live the adventures he had dreamed of.”

Alexis looked up and saw Drake staring at her with glossy eyes. He gave her a soft nod, so she turned her eyes back to the book and kept on reading. Perhaps to avoid thinking about his lost son, Drake’s attention focused on her. He looked at her, enraptured. Alexis’ bright brown eyes were almost shining; her silvery voice had the entire room captivated with her story. The inner light he had always loved in her was back, as bright as before. In only a few months, she had managed to regain control of her life and make her dream come true. Every time he thought that he couldn’t possibly admire or love her more, she surprised him again. He was utterly, hopelessly, crazily in love with her.

“… Tom, Maxie, and Buttons had lived an incredible adventure. Tom missed his mom and dad deeply, but he knew that they were waiting for him in their little red cabin in the middle of the woods and that he’d soon come home.”

Alexis closed the book with watering eyes. “Thank you for coming. This book means a great deal to me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I hope you enjoyed it. I’ll be happy to answer questions if you have any.”

One woman holding a little girl in her lap raised her hand and asked the question Drake was dreading. “Is Tom’s character based on someone real?”

Charlie had warned Alexis that she needed to be prepared to answer that. She gripped the book and took a deep breath. “Yes, on my son.” After drinking a gulp of water to control herself, she added, “He’s no longer with us.”

Drake smiled at her sadly but reassuringly when the audience went silent for a few seconds.

Maxwell quickly raised his hand. “Um … I just wanted to know if you’re preparing a sequel.”

Alexis gave him a grateful look. “Not at the moment, maybe later. Thank you for your question, sir.”

A little girl in pigtails asked her a question about Buttons, and a blond boy questioned her about Maxie the fire truck.

After she was done answering and signing copies of the book, she went to meet with Drake, Max, and Olivia.

“I loved it, Blossom! I have to say that Maxie the fire truck is the best character. He seems to be the smartest, funniest, cutest one of them all. Certainly much more than the evil Queen Nevrakis,” Maxwell beamed as Olivia shook her head, for once, more amused than annoyed.

A sudden silence made Olivia realise that Drake and Alexis were looking at each other longingly. She cleared her throat. “I have a date with Jin tonight, so we better get going, Max.”

Maxwell beamed as he hugged both of them. It was unquestionable for anyone who knew them that Drake and Alexis belonged with each other, and nothing could make Max happier than to see them together again. “I’m so happy for you guys! See you soon!”

They both chuckled; Drake brushed Alexis’ hand with his, slowly intertwining his fingers with hers.

“Did you like it?” Alexis asked Drake timidly.

“It was wonderful. The way you described him was simply perfect.” Drake threw her a small smile. “It was our Tom. I admire you so much, Lexie. Thank you for this; I needed it too.” They locked eyes with each other, both their hearts racing.

“I’m ready, Drake,” Alexis blurted out and immediately felt the blush in her cheeks, her heart beating furiously in her chest.

“Are you sure you’re ready to come with me?” he asked her with his deep voice, an intense longing in his eyes.

“As long as you still want me to,” Alexis gave him a coquettish smile.

He tightened his grip on her hand. “Always, Lexie.” The loving look she gave him back was enough to drive him wild. Drake looked around him; they were in a children’s bookstore surrounded by kids and Alexis’ old boss. Probably not the best place to kiss her as he was dying to.

“I have a surprise for you,” he whispered sheepishly.

Alexis arched her brows. “Really? What is it?” she asked excitedly.

Drake smirked. “A surprise has to be unexpected. As a writer, aren’t you supposed to know definitions of words and shit?”

“Smartass,” she laughed. “I just need to say good-bye to Charlie really quick, and we can go.”

When they got into the car, Drake leaned to her seat and cupped her beautiful face. She let out a soft gasp when he kissed both her cheeks, the corners of her lips, her nose. “I’m going to spend the rest of the night, of my life, kissing every part of you, baby,” he growled in her ear.

If Alexis waited another minute, she would’ve imploded right there, so she crashed her lips on his, making him groan with want. Drake pressed her body against the seat, but an annoying thought made him stop. “Our first time after all this time will not be in the passenger seat of my jeep, Lexie.”

Alexis bit her bottom lip. “Let’s go,” she urged him.

After a short drive, Drake pulled over on the side of the highway. He grabbed a silk tie from the back seat. “I need to cover your eyes.”

“It’s dark, and we’re in the middle of the woods, Walker. Are you trying to kidnap me?” she asked with a flirty tone.

A smug grin spread on his lips. “Actually, that is exactly what I’m going to do. Turn around.” Gently, he placed the tie around her head and tied a knot. “No peeking, Lex,” he said, kissing her head.

She shook her head, now too excited to speak.

After a few minutes, they arrived, and Drake helped Alexis to get out of the car. The feeling of walking in an unknown place with her eyes covered could’ve made someone nervous, but there was no one Alexis trusted more in the world than Drake; he would rather die than let something happen to her. They walked a few inches with him firmly holding her. When they stopped, he pulled her back against his chest, circling her waist with his arm. He leaned to speak in her ear. “Six months ago, in one of our phone calls, you told me how difficult it’d be for you to live in the cabin again. That you would love to start our lives somewhere else.”

Alexis nodded.

“That day, I recalled how much you loved that abandoned house next to the lake. It was small and run down, but you fell completely in love with it. Remember?”

“I do,” she said with a lump in her throat.

They were taking a stroll next to the lake when Alexis saw it. The house was almost in ruins, but according to her, it had significant potential. As it was clearly uninhabited and there was a window open on the ground floor, she climbed through it; Drake followed her, chuckling, with Tom in his arms. Once inside, he had to admit that the house did show promise. They would have to spend a lot of weekends renovating it, but he loved manual work and was sure Alexis would make it as cozy and comfortable as she had made his father’s cabin. Back in their own place, they daydreamed about buying the house and renovating it. She drew a small sketch of what she pictured: a huge kitchen where they could both cook together, a swing for Tom to play, a porch to watch the sunset, and a main room with a skylight where they could see the stars every night. It would take some time and a lot of effort, but they thought the house was worth it. When Drake was about to make an offer to the real estate agency, tragedy overcame them, and they forgot all about it.

Drake uncovered her eyes, and she gasped. They were standing in front of the house, but it had changed. Drake had spent the last five months working on it every minute of his spare time. The old washed-out exterior was now a beautiful wooden façade with a large, wide-pillared porch in the front.

He held her tightly. “Now this is the exterior. There’s still a lot of renovation work to do inside. You’ll see.”

Alexis had happy tears in her eyes. “I … I can’t believe you did this, Drake. It’s gorgeous.” She turned around, and he cupped her face and gave her an intense, searing kiss.

“Come on, I want to show you the rest,” he said when they finally parted, breathless. Drake grabbed her hand, and they laced their fingers together.

They stepped into the house, and even if Drake was right and the first floor still needed a lot of work, Alexis wandered around happily with her heart full. “I love the kitchen! We can have a large counter here,” she said, pointing to one side of the room. “What would you think about a thick wood table?”

Alexis’ face reflected so much excitement and enthusiasm that Drake couldn’t help but grin at it. His gaze followed her as she pranced all over the house with a thousand ideas of how to renovate every corner of it.

“So I gather you like it?” he asked, arching an amused eyebrow.

“Like it? I love it, Drake! It’s perfect. I’d like to move here as soon as possible!”

Drake couldn’t help but smile tenderly at her. “Are you sure? We can stay in the cabin for a few more months while we do the renovation work here.”

“If the water is running, I’d prefer to stay here,” she answered with an earnest smile. “This is us, Drake. Ours. A new life together. I’m not running from our past, and I never want to forget Tom,” she said, brushing a small tear with her hand. “I just want to start over in a place where we can create new memories.”

“If that’s really what you think, there’s a room that’s already finished.” He threw her a quizzical smile. “Do you remember the drawing you did of how we pictured our house?”

Alexis let out a spontaneous laugh that made Drake's heart leap. “I would barely call the doodles I made drawings, but I remember the moment, yes.”

“Well, I hope I did the doodles justice.” Drake held his breath as he opened the door.

Alexis gasped; he had remembered everything she had dreamed of. A soft, fluffy carpet. A big bed full of cushions, a fireplace warming the room, and the skylight over the bed. The moon and stars lit up the whole room through it.

Mesmerized, she took off the blazer she was wearing, and Drake’s eyes widened. The beige dress she had underneath was tight and hugged every single curve of her body. Suddenly, Drake was very aware of the taunting way she moved; she turned her back on him to look at the fireplace, and his eyes went straight to her bare upper back and the delicate line of her neck. Blushing, he moved to readjust himself. Her thrilled voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I love it, Drake. Every single part of it! The skylight is exactly how I’d imagined it!” He took off his own jacket and rolled up his sleeves. “What?” she asked, catching her bottom lip between her teeth when she realized he was looking intently at her.

“Are you wearing that for me?” Drake’s low baritone and sexy smile made her blush crimson red.

“Maybe,” she answered with the most innocent look in her eyes but a sultry voice.

Drake cut the distance between them; even with her sexy nude heels, he towered over her. “Don’t give me that innocent look, baby,” he growled. “Or I won’t be able to control myself.”

Alexis leaned towards him, her hands playing with his collar. “See, Drake, that’s the thing. I don’t want you to control yourself.”

He swept her off her feet. She looped his neck in a burst of roaring laughter. “I want you so fucking much, Lexie,” he told her as he gently dropped her on the bed. Their bed. He hovered over her, holding his weight up with his right arm.

She hid her nose on his neck, inhaling the intoxicating sandalwood. “Me too, Drake.”

“You deserve the world,” Drake said, staring at her almost black eyes looking at him adoringly. He wanted nothing more than to make this night last as long as he possibly could. “It’s been four years that I’ve been thinking about this moment,” he said, gently kissing her cheek. “Four years that I’ve dreamed of making you mine again.” He growled at her ear as he nipped it. “And now, I finally have you here --” He softly bit her neck. “-- all for myself.” He kissed her collarbone as he slowly unzipped her dress. “This damn dress is making me wild, Lexie.”

As he rubbed his thumb on her lips and cheeks, Alexis’ heart beat so fast, she was sure he could hear it. Finally, he kissed her, and time stopped. His lips felt so soft on hers, his tongue so passionate when it slowly entered her mouth, intertwining with hers. His strong hand cupped her head as he deepened the kiss. Suddenly the need became urgent, and he moved to her neck, possessed by the need to claim her. Drake softly sank his teeth in her, making an exhilarated moan escape from her throat.

Slowly, he pulled the dress’ front zipper down, peppering sultry kisses on every inch of skin he discovered, until only her lacy underwear was left. He pulled her to him and kissed her senseless as he unclasped her bra. Her beautiful breasts appeared, her buds erect, ready for him to kiss them. Drake softly flicked his thumbs over them. Then his tongue tasted them, taking pleasure in the sight of Alexis arching her back for him. He took a deep breath until all he could smell was her cherry fragrance. With a cocky smile, he pulled down her last piece of underwear, leaving her completely exposed and vulnerable to him.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Lexie,” he groaned as his eyes wandered over her body lit up by the moonlight, and his calloused hands moved down her body, rubbing her face, her breasts, her hips, a trail of excited goosebumps appearing everywhere he touched. “And you are all mine.”

Alexis gave him a flirty smile. “I want to see you too, Drake.” She softly pushed him up until they were both on their knees.

The sight of her naked, kneeling in front of him and undressing him with nervous fingers, desperate to kiss him, to touch him too, almost killed him. She undid his jeans and let her hand wander around his cock. He drank in the sight of her, enjoying her soft, small hand around him for a moment. Her soft, skilled strokes on his impossible hard length felt incredible, but after all the months, the years they had spent apart, he wasn’t going to last long if she continued. “I won’t be able to resist much longer, baby.” He grabbed her wrist. “And there are a lot, a lot of things, I want to do to you first. Lay down,” he growled, standing up to toss off the rest of his clothes.

Alexis felt like she was on fire, ready to explode. Drake’s lips kissing her legs, her knees, and her inner thighs only made the fire wilder. She gripped the sheets when she felt his hot mouth on her, kissing the soft skin around her clit.

“It drives me insane how wet you already are for me, Lex,” he said, parting her lips with his tongue and softly entering her, inebriating himself with her taste.

“Drake, god! Drake,” she chanted again and again as his expert tongue and fingers explored her, thrust inside of her. Feeling the heat build more and more, she tugged his hair, making him smile against her warm skin. Finally, she reached a point of no return and screamed his name again.

Drake smirked. “Fuck, I’ve missed that, baby.”

Still panting, she managed to answer in a soft voice. “Me too, Drake.” Drake caught her lips in a slow, tender kiss as she came down from her high.

“Come here,” he whispered, scooping her and sitting her in his lap. Alexis straddled him, enveloping his torso with her legs. Cradling her with his arms, Drake’s desperate lips ravaged her neck, alternating soft kisses with small bites. Her back arched, giving him full access to her breasts that he cupped, his thumbs slowly circling her hard nipples again. Alexis rolled her hips against him.

Drake chuckled against her neck. “Are you trying to tell me something, Lexie?”

“I need you now, Drake,” she moaned. His cock was already throbbing, but he felt like he was going to burst at her words

“Whatever you want, Alexis.” He positioned himself with the tip of his dick, teasing the little nub of her center. “Look at me, baby. I want to see your pretty eyes as I enter you.”

She locked her burning eyes with him, and he grabbed her hips, confidently guiding her body to enter her folds slowly, giving her time to adjust to him.

The world, the moon, and the stars, everything around them faded. Each set of eyes only saw each other, reflecting the passion, the excitement, the deep love they felt.

“I love you, Lexie,” Drake whispered as he slowly moved inside of her, adoring her smell, the way she moved, how she moaned his name.

“I love you too, Drake,” Alexis whispered back, reveling in the sensation of him filling her completely. Of her heart racing with every delicious thrust. Of his strong arms holding her tightly, safely. Of his hands caressing her back. “I feel you everywhere, Drake, god.”

They rocked their hips at the same pace, increasing speed as their movements became more passionate, more desperate. He ground into her powerfully, feeling her walls tighten around him. The sensation was unbelievable, an exceptional connection that neither of them could ever experience with anyone else. “Come with me, baby,” he whispered as his hand reached her center, allowing his thumb to rub the little nub in it, making her lose her mind. Alexis couldn’t formulate a coherent thought, let alone talk, as the most intense wave of pleasure of her life came cresting over her. A powerful “Drake!” escaped her lips as she climaxed.

His name on her swollen lips and the way she was still vibrating against him pushed him over the edge.

“Mine, Lexie, mine,” he growled, marking her neck as he filled her in complete ecstasy.

He pulled her into his chest, both of them silently enjoying their descent from heaven.

He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head as he lazily rubbed her back, incapable to stop touching her.

“A penny for your thoughts, Lexie.”

She looked at him through her eyelashes, smiling.

“I was just thinking about how absolutely perfect this was.” She stroked his chiseled abs with her hand.

He smirked. “You’re perfect, baby. A fucking work of art.”

Alexis smiled against his chest, a pleasant feeling of utter happiness settling in her chest.

Part of the night was spent with tender whispers, passionate touches, and shared laughs. The rest, they spent rediscovering every nook and hidden corner of each other’s bodies as if they were trying to recoup the last five years in a few hours. Finally, the morning lights caught them sleeping tangled in each other’s bodies. Drake opened his eyes first, smiling as he hadn’t done in five years.

“Good morning, baby,” he whispered in her ear, waking her up.

“Nuh, uh, too early.” She hid her head under the pillow.

“You have to see this, Lexie. Wake up,” he said softly, kissing her bare back.

“God, I’ve forgotten how good you are at motivating a girl.”

Drake chuckled. “Come here.”

Wrapped in the sheets with Drake hugging her tightly from behind, Lexie sat on the porch in front of the lake, and she understood why he had woken her up. In front of her eyes, a sumptuous spectacle of pink, ochre and golden sun rays extended over the glowing lake. It was the most stunning sunrise she had ever seen.

“There’s something I need to tell you that might change your mind about us,” Alexis warned him cautiously. She bit her lips, feeling remorseful. She should have discussed it the day before, but selfishly, she had wanted to enjoy the night with Drake.

He almost laughed at the idea. “Nothing would change my mind, Lexie. Test me.”

She took a deep breath and let the sentence out as fast as she could. “I don’t know if I ever want any more children, but I don’t think so.” She carefully gauged his reaction as she asked. “Do you?”

“I don’t know,” he answered sincerely. “I didn’t for a long time; I was adamant. ” He looked tenderly at her. “Now, I’m not so sure, but I do know that the idea scares the shit out of me.”

Alexis let out a relieved breath. “Me too.”

“I’ll tell you this. We’ll revisit the idea in a few years, but we won’t do it unless we’re both sure. Deal?”

“And what if I don’t change my mind, and you do?” she asked worriedly.

“Then we won’t, Lexie. All I want out of life I have right here,” he said, holding her even tighter. “Nine years ago, in my vows, I told you that I loved the fire in your eyes and how much you love life. I told you that I would always take care of that gorgeous inner light of yours. But I didn’t do a great job.” Alexis was about to protest, but Drake put his thumb on her lips, smiling. "I promise that I’ll devote the rest of my life to making you happy. I’m so proud of you, of everything you are, Lexie. I love you more than I did back then, much more.” He opened his palm, where he had their wedding rings in his hand. “I always knew that one day we would be wearing these again, Mrs. Walker.”

Alexis beamed. “I love you, too. You have no idea how much. For years, I felt lifeless, and now just looking at you, my heart hammers, Drake. You take away the emptiness, the sadness. You make me so incredibly happy.”

A bittersweet tear escaped from her eyes when she extended her hand and watched, immensely moved, how Drake slid her wedding band and engagement ring on her finger. Then she put his on.

Relieved, she turned her head up and caught his lips in a delicious, deep kiss.

Drake noticed a small, tiny tear. “What’s up, Lexie?”

“I was really convinced that I could never feel this extremely elated again, and now that I do, I also feel …” She stopped in her tracks.

“Guilty. You feel guilty for feeling happy.”

She nodded slowly.

“Me too.” Drake rubbed her cheek with his hand. “I think we have to learn to live with that, baby. Tom will always be here. He’ll always hurt.”

Alexis snuggled against him as Drake drew her into his arms. A loving smile spread on her lips; no matter how difficult or painful their grief would be in the future, they would be facing it togther.

The End.

#tw child death #tw dark fic #tw grief #tw grieving #drake x mc #drake walker #axwalker writes #drake walker fanfic #alexis o'brien #n*sfw #n*fw

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eponymous-rose · 5 years ago

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E76-77 (September 10, 2019)

Our guests tonight: the twins! Laura Bailey and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements: The next episode of Between the Sheets will feature Felicia Day, and will air Monday, September 16th at 7 PM Pacific! Reminder: no CR this week (Matt’s off in Stockholm), and no Talks Machina following that! In place of Talks will be a livestream in which a tavernkeeper character that will appear in the animated series will be designed with the community (there’s a poll on the website)!

Episodes 76 and 77: Refjorged and A Tangled Web

Brian: “I was trying to harmonize, but there was no melody.”

Stats for this week’s (these weeks’?) episode(s): “bread” was mentioned 52 times. Episode 76 had the 300th natural one of campaign 2, and the 100th Message spell was cast. Ten days passed between Caleb’s talks with the Scourger. Jester cast Sending nine times. 14 DM facepalms, tying the record!

Changes with the new character art? Everyone bounced ideas back and forth several times. Laura: “Liam made fun of me because I took the longest.” She wanted her to look more and more like the Traveler, “like a Traveler cosplay”, and she wanted her clothes to reflect her growth recently. Caleb’s dirt was “a hiding mechanism, and that’s exposed, so it’s gone”. He was going for “frazzled” in the first one, and then more “grim” in the second. Brian: “A surprising character choice.”

Laura and Liam start replying to questions in character as dolls.

Jester’s not expressing her darker feelings to the group “mostly because I’m not aware that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Caleb isn’t sure that Essik trusts him in the first place, and he doesn’t really trust Essik either. “I do think that Essik maybe likes the cut of my jib.” He thinks Essik may be trying to get him under his thumb, and he thinks he might potentially be a mole. Laura: “Wouldn’t it be so great, though, if Essik just wanted a friend?”

From Jester’s perspective, the Traveler’s followers can’t be a cult because he’s actually a god.

Caleb feels like they’re smart enough to stay ahead of whatever Essik might be planning, and he thinks they can play all sides (in a positive way). “They can meet the needs of the different people that they’re dealing with. He’s trying to actually broker some sort of a peace.”

Essik telling Jester there was nothing he wanted to learn from her definitely hurt her feelings, even though she wanted to hide that. “She doesn’t know who she is right now. That’s starting to register in her brain.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Yasha! (on Twitter: Jobieleecos, photographer Topheroriel)

Caleb has been thinking about the Scourgers for years, wondering. “He didn’t spend time with the full-blown Scourgers as a student, he was on his way to being one.” He was curious about what kind of state someone would be in, knowing what he’d been through. He wanted to know if anyone who’d gone through that would be a lost cause, and he wanted a sense of what Astrid and Eodwulf might be like now. “He understands that he was manipulated. He still has lots of personal blame, but he understands that he was abused. If he has any hope for himself, he has to offer the same hope to her. To any of them.” Caleb would be quicker to absolve Yasha than he would himself.

Jester fully believes that the Gentleman is her dad, and she “fully knows” that he doesn’t care, but she thinks she can convince him otherwise, and she’s “not about to let everybody else know that there’s somebody out there that is shitting on her a bit. She doesn’t want to admit that.”

There’s an unfortunate and very giffable interlude into an exercise program. Liam: “Can’t wait until my kids are teenagers and find this show.”

Caleb has a lot more confidence about facing his past. “Absolutely. He has very powerful friends, and they’re in the pocket of a queen. They have a lot of assets now, and he’s learned a lot and can do a lot more than he was able to.”

Laura does think it’s weird that nobody else can see the Traveler, “because he’s so very there.” Dani: “He’s, like, all up in your grill.” Laura wonders what Commune would do for the Traveler, since Jester can just sit down and talk to him anytime.

Fan Art of the Week: a flowered and broken Fjord! (on Twitter: Kingcael)

Caleb made himself and not anyone else in the M9 look like Trent during the Seeming, partly because he didn’t want to look him in the eyes and partly because it made sense to cast himself as “enemy number one”.

Jester’s been acting a bit more like the mom friend, because “her example for people that help, outside of the Traveler, is her mom, and so she tries to emulate that.”

Jester thinks Traveler Con is going to be a “really awesome celebration, where probably the Traveler will ask her to host a few panels, maybe there will be a rave, I don’t know. We’re still figuring it out.” Liam’s just picturing it as Burning Man with more green cloaks.

Talks exclusive: Brian was Frumpkin all along????

Being the one to scry on Yasha is really hard on Jester. “It’s hard to be the one that everyone relies on to be the messenger.” Laura enjoys it, but it’s a lot of pressure.

“Jester does feel like she’s doing a pretty lousy job of getting more followers.” Laura’s “had some talks with Travis” about picking the Wildmother. “The Traveler would have been a GREAT patron for a warlock.”

Dalen’s Closet Questions! (SPOILERS FOR CAMPAIGN ONE!!!!)

Stats! Vex is the only member of VM to get a HDYWTDT on both Sylas and Delilah. Grog called Derrig four names other than his own (including Dmitri).

Liam knew in advance that Sam intended to use his Wish on Vax, and he was glad to have a chance to think about it ahead of time. “I would have been freaked the fuck out if he had just sprung that on me.” Sam checked in with both Matt and Liam. Liam felt like he was coming in as an NPC.

Laura feels “fuckin’ awesome” about being responsible for both Briarwoods’ deaths.

The bone on Vax’s shoulder was supposed to be a physical manifestation of the tattoo he got of Keyleth’s antlers. “He is in a metaphysical mystery box.” From Vax’s perspective, time could have been passing differently. “He’s not just in Connecticut, he’s dead.” Laura points out that it was a lot harder “for him not to be just Vax. Nothing we said, nothing we could do, would change that. You can’t have that back.” Liam: “All of their decisions, but especially his decisions, had to have costs.”

Laura mentions that she feels like this was probably the last VM one-shot; it felt like a solid ending.

From the get-go, Vex was worrying about Vesper more than anything. “In no way did she want to say that out loud to Sylas.”

Liam: “I could accept everybody dying except for Vex.” Laura wonders if Vax would’ve left the Raven Queen if that had happened. Liam won’t speculate.

More Derrig info? Liam shares the names of his wife and kids.

Both Sam and Marisha thought they were Taliesin’s best man, and Sam had a speech written for Percy instead of Vex and had to rewrite it really fast. Laura: “Prior to the show, it fully felt like we were getting ready for a real wedding.” Laura thought ahead of time about what to say vow-wise, but didn’t write it down. “When it was time for it, I almost fully blanked on what I was supposed to be saying.”

Laura: “We’re twins every day, Liam!”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #long text post #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #cr1 spoilers

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sciencespies · 4 years ago

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What 'Bridgerton' Gets Wrong About Corsets

https://sciencespies.com/history/what-bridgerton-gets-wrong-about-corsets/

What 'Bridgerton' Gets Wrong About Corsets

In the opening scene of the steamy Netflix period drama “Bridgerton,” Prudence Featherington, one of the eligible daughters of the social-climbing Lady Featherington, is dressing to be presented to the queen of England. Prudence doubles over, gasping for breath, as a maid yanks the laces of her corset tighter.

“I was able to squeeze my waist into the size of an orange-and-a-half when I was Prudence’s age,” Lady Featherington says.

Many movies, historical as well as fantastical, have a similar scene. Think of Gone With the Wind’s Scarlett O’Hara death-gripping a bedpost; Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Caribbean laced so tightly into her corset that she can barely breathe; Titanic’s Rose in a nearly identical scene; Emma Watson, playing Belle in Disney’s live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast, declaring that her character is too independent to wear a corset.

One other element shared by some of these scenes, among many others? None of the characters suffering through the pain have control over their own lives; in each scene, an authority figure (Prudence’s and Rose’s mothers, Elizabeth’s father) tells them what they must do. It’s a pretty on-the-nose metaphor, says Alden O’Brien, the curator of costume and textiles at the Daughters of the American Revolution Museum in Washington, D.C.

“To have a scene in which they’re saying, ‘tighter, tighter,’ it’s obviously a stand-in for … women’s restricted roles in society,” O’Brien says.

youtube

The trouble is that nearly all of these depictions are exaggerated, or just plain wrong. This is not to say “Bridgerton” showrunner Shonda Rhimes erred in her portrayal of women’s rights during the early 19th-century Regency era—they were indeed severely restricted, but their undergarments weren’t to blame.

“It’s less about the corset and more about the psychology of the scene,” says Kass McGann, a clothing historian who has consulted for museums, TV shows and theater productions around the world and who founded and owns the blog/historical costuming shop Reconstructing History, in an email.

Over four centuries of uncountable changes in fashion, women’s undergarments went through wide variations in name, style and shape. But for those whose understanding of costume dramas comes solely from shows and movies like “Bridgerton,” these different garments are all just lumped together erroneously as corsets.

If one does define a corset as “a structured undergarment for a woman’s torso,” says Hilary Davidson, a dress historian and the author of Dress in the Age of Jane Austen, the first corsets appeared in the 16th century in response to women’s fashion becoming stiffer and more “geometric.” The corset, stiffened with whalebone, reeds or even sometimes wood, did somewhat shape women’s bodies into the inverted cone shape that was in fashion, but women weren’t necessarily pulling their corsets tight enough to achieve that shape. Instead, they used pads or hoops to give themselves a wider shape below the waist (kind of like Elizabethan-era booty pads), which, in turn, made the waist look narrower.

Silk stays and busk made in the Netherlands between 1660 and 1680

Quilted silk jumps made in England around 1745

This shape more or less persisted until the Regency era of the early 1800s, when there was “all sorts of invention and change and messing about” with fashion, Davidson says. During that 20-year period, women had options: They could wear stays, boned, structured garments that most resemble today’s conception of a corset; jumps, very soft, quilted, but still supportive undergarments; or corsets, which were somewhere in between. O’Brien says the corsets of the Regency period were made of soft cotton (“imagine blue jeans, and turn them white”) with stiffer cotton cording for support, and occasionally channels in the back for boning, and a slot in the front for a metal or wooden support called a busk. (Remember, though, these supports were made to fit an individual’s body and would gently hug her curves.) Eventually, the term corset (from the French for “little body”) is the one that won out in English, and the shape gelled into the hourglass shape we think of today..

But all along, these undergarments were just “normal pieces of clothing,” Davidson says. Women would have a range, just like today’s women “have a spectrum of possibilities, from the sports bra to the Wonderbra.” Those simply hanging around the house would wear their more comfortable corsets, while others going to a ball might “wear something that gives a nicer line.” Even working women would wear some sort of laced, supportive garment like these—giving lie to the idea that putting on a corset immediately induced faintness. For Davidson, the myth that women “walked around in these uncomfortable things that they couldn’t take off, because patriarchy,” truly rankles. “And they put up with it for 400 years? Women are not that stupid,” she says.

These garments were comfortable, Davidson adds, not just by the standards of the time—women started wearing some sort of supportive bodiced garment when they were young girls, so they were accustomed to them by adulthood—but by modern standards as well. O’Brien concurs: “To have something that goes further down your bust … I’d really like to have that, because it would do a better job of distributing the support.”

By the Victorian period, after “Bridgerton,” corsets had evolved to a more hourglass shape—the shape many people imagine when they think of an uncomfortable, organ-squishing, body-deforming corset. But again, modern perceptions of the past shape how we think of these undergarments. Davidson says skirts were bigger during this time—“the wider the skirt, the smaller the waist looks.” Museums often display corsets in their collections on mannequins as if their edges meet. In reality, they would likely have been worn with their edges an inch or two apart, or even looser, if a woman chose.

McGann suggests that one of the reasons corsets are associated with pain is because actresses talk about their discomfort wearing an uncomfortable corset for a role. “In many cases, the corsets are not made for the actress but rather a corset in her general size is used for expediency,” McGann says. “This means they are wearing corsets that don’t fit them properly, and when laced tightly, that can hurt!”

So, in the Regency era and in other periods, did women tighten the laces of their corsets beyond what was comfortable—or healthy—in service of achieving a more fashionably narrow waist? Sure, some did, when they had someone to impress (and in fact, Davidson gives the Gone With the Wind corset scene high marks for accuracy, since Scarlett O’Hara is young, unmarried, and trying to make an impression). In “Bridgerton,” social striver Lady Featherington’s insistence on her daughters’ narrow waists similarly seems logical. Except…in the Regency period, where dresses fall from the bust, what would be the point of having a narrow waist? “The whole idea of tightlacing is completely pointless…irrelevant for the fashion,” Davidson says.

“There is no way that period corset is going to [narrow her waist], and it’s not trying to do that,” O’Brien adds.

Davidson has another quibble with the undergarment fashion choices of “Bridgerton” (at least the first episode, which she watched at Smithsonian magazine’s request). Corsets and stays of the Regency period were designed less to create the cleavage that modern audiences find attractive, and more to lift up and separate the breasts like “two round globes,” Davidson says. She finds the corsets in “Bridgerton” too flat in the front.

In an interview with Vogue, “Bridgerton” costume designer Ellen Mirojnick laid out her philosophy on the series’ apparel: “This show is sexy, fun and far more accessible than your average, restrained period drama, and it’s important for the openness of the necklines to reflect that. When you go into a close-up, there’s so much skin. It exudes beauty.” But, Davidson says, “while they sought sexiness and cleavage and maximum exposure, the way they’ve cut the garments actually flattens everyone’s busts. If they’d gone back to the Regency [style of corset] you would have gotten a whole lot more bosom. You would have had boobs for days.”

“Bridgerton” does, however, get a lot right about the status of women in the early-19th century. Marriage was one of the only options for women who didn’t want to reside with their relatives for the rest of their lives, so the series’ focus on making “good matches” in matrimony holds true. Once wed, a married woman legally became her husband’s property. She couldn’t sign contracts or write a will without her husband’s consent.

By the mid-19th century, women had made significant gains in being able to own property or obtain a divorce. It wouldn’t be until 1918 in England or 1920 in the United States, however, that (some) women could vote. Around the same time, corsets were falling out of fashion, and many writers of the time saw a connection between liberation from the corset and women’s liberation.

In “Bridgerton,” Regency-era young women don corsets ahead of their presentation to Queen Charlotte.

(Liam Daniel / Netflix)

O’Brien says that looking back now, that conclusion doesn’t hold up. “You have all these writers saying, ‘Oh, we’re so much more liberated than those dreadful, hypocritical, repressed Victorians, and we’ve thrown away the corset.’ Well, I’m sorry, but if you look at shapewear in the 1920s, they’re doing the exact same thing, which is using undergarments to create the current fashionable shape,” which in the Roaring Twenties meant using “elasticized” girdles and bust-binders to “completely clamp down on a woman’s natural shape.

“Society always has a body ideal that will be impossible for many women to reach, and every woman will choose how far to go in the pursuit of that ideal, and there will always be a few who take it to a life-threatening extreme,” O’Brien adds.

O’Brien and Davidson hope people stop thinking of corsets as oppressive tools of the patriarchy, or as painful reminders of women’s obsession with fashion. That attitude “takes away female agency,” O’Brien says. “We’re allowing fashion’s whims to act upon us, rather than choosing to do something.”

Wearing a corset was “as oppressive as wearing a bra, and who forces people into a bra in the morning?” (Some women in 2021, after months of Zoom meetings and teleworking, may be asking themselves that exact question right now.) “We all make individual choices,” Davidson says, “about how much we modify ourselves and our body to fit within the social groups in which we live.”

It’s easier to think of corsets as “strange and unusual and in the past,” Davidson says. To think of a corset as an oppressive tool of the past patriarchy implies that we modern women are more enlightened. But, Davidson adds, “We don’t wear corsets because we’ve internalized them. You can now wear whatever you like, but why does all the Internet advertising say ‘8 weird tricks to a slim waist’? We do Pilates. Wearing a corset is much less sweat and effort than going to Pilates.”

#History

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candymax20 · 7 years ago

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I haven’t watched an episode of Teen Wolf with a critical eye in a long time. Usually I am just bored and I go “ meh, lets watch Teen Wolf I guess. Its not like i have anything of quality to do at the moment”. I am really happy it is ending; its been a million years of awful with this show.

And now that I saw spoilers that Tyler Hoechlin ( I can still spell his name from memory *win*) and O’Brien are gonna show up in ep 20, which is like a month from now I guess I’m gonna make fun of Teen Wolf a little.

What kind of advise was ...I completely blanked out he is that replaceable...yes I remember.. Scott ( this is gonna be a Scott rant , just fair warning)...what kind of advise was that to give to Liam. You are clearly in danger at school so you should go exactly there to get beat up and be Superman. That was crazy stupid. Like they get exposed to danger enough as it is. There is no indication Liam is failing class the way Scott was, he was kind of missing out on practice on whatever sport they are playing, but who gives a crap ?! absolutely could have skipped school a few days in my opinion. And honestly I would rather skip class than “be brave and go take a beating”.

Why is Scott Liam’s father figure, aren’t they 2 years apart?!

I just had to watch on repeat the scene where that kid throws the flour to uncover them when they are invisible. I just couldn’t believe I saw such a dramatic stupid thing. Did the flour take the invisible boy by surprise and he shifted back involuntarily? Does it have magical properties on whatever type of creature he is? Did they even bother so far to name what kind of supernatural that boy is ? Its been a minute Teen Wolf , you used to pull these dumbass things all the time. Ah, the memories !!

The whole war strategic and calling for a “summit”... was that done just to highlight Scott’s incredible bad planning and tactics? Why the fuck is the show taking out Satomi’s pack? Like leave those kids alone. I’m not even gonna get into the reasoning on who is right and Scott’s moral or criminal choices, how he technically didn’t kill anyone or just pushed them into doing it for him or not, that's another bore for another day.

I completely forgot about Deaton , like I completely forgot the plot of Teen Wolf apparently. That girl remembering her assault at the hands of the supernatural, I don’t remember what that big wolf was. Was is Peter , was it Stiles?! I just don’t care to find out. And yes, I am blaming Teen Wolf for it, because they became this forgettable.

Like I don’t even remember why Liam is fighting with that other boy, he was a dick and killed a lot of people I remember, but exactly what went down when, I am blanking out.

Why are people in danger still looking for Scott...Scott MCcall all dramatically when they need protection? Is the show still trying to trick me into thinking Scott has his shit together and is a good renowned pack leader? Because every time they zoom in to reveal they are looking for Scott MCcall to help them I go “ really ? are you sure?” . And it shouldn't be this way this late in the game, I mean the show is ending. And is not even because I hate him, because at this point I am hardcore casually watching, its just that it genuinely baffles me and takes me out of the plot every time people would put their trust in that guy. Like why? He’s done zero heroics.

This reminds me that Malia ( I had to google her name , and I used to stan her at some point , who am I kidding I still like her - her name is really similar to Talia, huh) was looking for Scott in the same ridiculous close up style once upon a time. Is it wrong that I sorta ship her with Scott? Like I genuinely think this is a good pairing. Scott is portrayed like a soft goofball and he was paired up with sweet but psycho girls ( yes, even the fox girl , she had to leave because she had a dark side...and now I am remembering that whole plot that never really got fixed...BUT NO I’m not going down that hole). Him being paired up with a blunt, take no crap woman is a good look for him, they actually have chemistry, how did that happen?

I have nothing bad to say about the pairing at this point in time. Maybe when Malia was in a consent blurry state when she first was learning to be human would have been really icky ( looking at you Stiles) but she’s great, and they are funny and captivating together. Malia is one of the few characters that still make me laugh so I might be biased, but who knew?! those two would work together.

So end of rant, still a long time to go until Sterek makes an appearance, but I can wait.

#teen wolf #teen wolf rant #anti scott mccall #some shipping #teen wolf spoilers

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lady-hammerlock · 8 years ago

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Assassin’s Creed Rogue - The Novel - Chapter 3

AN: It’s Friday, so it’s AC: Rogue time! As usual, the full chapter is under the cut.

18th July 1757

When the Cyrene returned to New York I half expected to see Liam already waiting for me at the docks. After all, as far as I knew he was still working for the same shipping company that he had for as long as we had been friends.

There was no sign of Liam though, not at the docks, where to my surprise they told me that Liam hadn’t worked for them for over a year. For some reason Liam hadn’t told me this. When I checked at Father Connelly’s church I discovered that not only was he not there, but Father Connelly hadn’t seen Liam for over a week as well.

Over the years I had not had much to do with Liam’s mother. I think she viewed me as a bad influence, and I can’t say I would have blamed her. Regardless, I went to visit her on that day, thinking that she might be the only one who knew what had happened to my friend.

Liam’s father had died a year or so before I met him, and the O’Brien house had been a solemn one ever since. Liam had never told me what had happened, and it wasn’t until many years later, when we were both adults that I learned the truth. Liam, at the tender age of ten, had discovered that the shipping company that he and his father worked for was unforgivably corrupt, and had decided to do something about it. Events had eventually led to Liam killing a man in self-defence. His father, unable to stand by and watch as his son was put to death for murder, took the blame for the killing and was hung.

When I called on Liam’s mother on that day it almost seemed as though she was in mourning now not just for her husband, but for her son as well. She hadn’t seen him, and had no idea where I might find him or what he was doing. She wouldn’t even know whether or not he was still alive, if it wasn’t for the letters and sums of unexplained money that he kept sending her.

I bade Mrs O’Brien farewell, and wondered if I would have to give up my hopes of seeing Liam while we were docked. I wanted to tell him about the journey, about Ireland and serving under my father, and I desperately wanted to show him the sword that my father had given me, but when a couple of days had passed and there was still no sign of Liam my excitement turned to worry, and I would have settled for just knowing for sure that my dear friend was still alive and well.

The Cyrene was scheduled to be in New York for around three weeks. We were well and truly in the second when my path finally crossed with Liam’s. I spotted him out and about with a dark-skinned stranger who looked to be substantially older than either of us. I had no idea what Liam was doing, or who the stranger was, but as soon as I saw Liam I called out and ran after him.

Liam was obviously surprised to see me, but nevertheless he smiled when I ran up to him.

“I thought you were out on the seas with your Da,” Liam commented.

“I was,” I replied, “but we’ve stopped in New York for a while. We’ll be shipping out again in a few days. I’m glad I caught up with you Liam. I was beginning to fear that I wouldn’t see you at all.”

I wrapped my arms around him in the tightest embrace I could manage. It was a few very awkward seconds before Liam returned the gesture.

The man that had been accompanying Liam looked between the two of us before nodding at my friend.

“I’ll leave the two of you to catch up in private,” he told Liam. “Return to the homestead whenever you’re ready.”

I had no idea what the man was talking about, but could only assume that he was Liam’s employer. When I asked Liam about the man he avoided anything even approaching a straight answer, sometimes not even replying at all.

“You don’t have to be so mysterious,” I told Liam.

That only earned me a frown, and another stubborn silence. I got a similar response when I told him that his mother was worried about him, and that he should pay her a visit.

I was beginning to worry that Liam didn’t want anything to do with me at all. Still, we spent the next day together, simply wandering the streets of New York and catching up over a hearty meal and a pint of ale. He at least did a good job of pretending to be interested in what I had to tell him about my journey, but offered no information about his own life in exchange.

The next day he left, undoubtedly to join his dark-skinned employer at ‘the homestead’, wherever the hell that was, and soon after that myself and the rest of the crew of the Cyrene were busy preparing for our next voyage. It felt to me as though something was clearly very wrong with Liam, and that our friendship might be fading, but soon enough I was able to distract myself with thoughts of the Cyrene and the open ocean.

Over the next few years I grew to be more at home on sea than I was on land. My training with my father and Davies continued, and soon I was land a few good hits when sparring with Davies, although he was still clearly my superior, mostly because he had both a foot or so of height and many years of experience on me. Soon I started to help my father to navigate, and helped out on board the ship wherever I could. My duties on board the ship had started out as little more than cleaning or helping out the cook, but soon I was climbing the masts and unfurling the sails along with all the other men.

Meanwhile, Liam, when I did manage to see him, grew more and more distant. Our paths would usually cross, at least for a few hours, whenever I was in port in New York, but I was always the one that had to seek Liam out, and he never seemed quite as happy to see me as I was to see him.

I told myself that it was the several years of age between us that were to blame. After all, he was no longer a child now. He probably wanted nothing to do with me anymore, especially considering I spent so much time at sea and away from New York. He never said as much though, and I selfishly continued to seek him out, afraid of the day when he would outright refuse to spend time with me, or even worse, simply disappear, leaving me and New York behind.

The next event of import occurred in the year of 1743. I was only fourteen years old, and had been stationed on board the Cyrene with my father for a few years. I speak of the day that the Cyrene was attacked by pirates.

It was late in the afternoon, and we were taking a hold full of cotton, wool and a hefty sum of gold from Madrid to New York and were only a couple of weeks into the return journey when the men spotted the slightly smaller craft that was heading straight for us.

The Cyrene was purely a merchant vessel and she wasn’t outfitted for war, having only a couple of smaller cannon to her name. We fired off a couple of warning shots, but they did not dissuade the pirates at all. Instead we all took cover as a return volley splintered wood all around us and damaged the main mast enough that I was amazed it didn’t topple.

Davies had taken shelter next to me. I must have looked as terrified as I felt, because he clamped a hand down on my shoulder and sent me a reassuring smile.

“It’ll be all right Shay,” he told me. “They’re not going to sink the ship and see all of our valuable cargo sinking to the bottom of the ocean. They’ll have to board us, and then they’ll see that you don’t want to go messing with the crew of the Cyrene.”

He drew his blunderbuss as he said that, giving me an eager grin. I wished that I felt as confident as he seemed to, but while I had been in my fair share of fights by this stage, I had never before had to fear that I might die if I lost.

The Cyrene shuddered as the pirate ship rammed into us. Several men fell over. Others took this as a sign to draw their swords and pistols and ready themselves for a fight.

Davies had been right. Every man aboard the Cyrene knew how to hold their own in a fight, and the pirate vessel couldn’t have had many more men on board than the Cyrene did. The pirates had probably been hoping that we would be easy prey. They were wrong, but that didn’t stop the experience from being a terrifying one.

The sound of steel hitting steel echoed all around me, as all over the Cyrene the pirates and the crew of the merchant vessel clashed in battle. I had the sword that my father had given me in Dublin, but now that real battle was upon us, I found that my hands shook so much I could barely hold it straight.

I was so scared that I couldn’t even move. I may have trained with Davies, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I had never even watched someone die in combat before, much less taken a life myself, and yet all around me men on both sides were dying.

It wasn’t until one of the pirates came charging towards me, and Davies leapt in front of me to protect me, his sword clashing with that of the pirate, that I snapped out of it.

I jumped to my feet, and while the pirate was distracted with Davies, I plunged my sword into his back. The pirate was so surprised that he didn’t even have time to react. He just fell to the ground in front of me with a gurgled cry.

It was the first life that I had ever taken.

“Thanks lad,” Davies told me, squeezing my shoulder tightly.

There was no time to reflect on what had happened, no time to feel remorse or to consider that I had just snatched another man’s life away from him, not when the battle still raged all around me.

I glanced around the ship, looking for my father and hoping that I would find him still alive. When I spotted him he was holding his ground just behind the wheel, battling sword against sword with one of the pirates. My father was not a short man, but his opponent easily towered over him, and wore one of the strangest combinations of clothing I could have possibly imagined; a mixture of bright silks and lace than might have looked grand if all the garments hadn’t been so torn and moth-eaten, including an enormous, wide-brimmed hat that covered up long, tangled hair. I don’t think he could have more matched my mental image of a pirate unless I gave him a peg-leg and a parrot.

Their swords clashed again and again. My father already had a nasty cut on one of his legs, and it was clear to me that his strength was waning. If someone didn’t do something soon then it looked as though my father would be killed.

I started to run towards the two of them, ducking beneath or around several other skirmishes as I did. Everyone was already tied up in their own battles, and I think very few of them paid any attention at all to me as I ducked around them. After all, I was young, barely a man at all, and held a sword that was little better than a dagger. I couldn’t possibly be a threat.

My father dodged a blow from the pirate that would have torn his stomach wide open and spilled his guts on the floor if he hadn’t stepped back in time. Moving had left him open and off balance though, and the pirate kicked at my father’s legs, overbalancing him and sending him falling awkwardly to the deck.

My father reached for his sword, but the large pirate kicked it away and out of his reach. It was clear that my father would not be able to defend himself; would not be able to stop the next blow from the pirate captain’s sword as it came plunging down into his chest, or separated his head from his torso.

I cried out for my father as I charged towards the large pirate. His back was to me, and I don’t think he realized that someone might come up from behind to attack him until the instant my blade plunged into his back.

The pirate froze with his arms still outstretched. He stumbled a little, but I think he was too shocked to really do anything. Time seemed to slow down. I wrenched the blade from out of the pirate’s back. He started to turn towards me, but before he could make it the whole way I swung my sword again, this time slicing across his neck.

It was not a particularly sharp sword, but it did not need to be with the amount of rage and force that I put into the blow. The pirate’s neck opened in a jagged gash and blood immediately began to pour down his neck, staining his once colorful costume.

He dropped his sword, and then slowly slumped onto the deck. He glared up at me for what seemed like ages, but eventually, when his body lay still on the deck and his eyes had closed, I was granted reprieve from that baleful glare, although it haunted me in my nightmares for quite some time afterwards. The pirate’s blood spread out from the large wound in his neck, and I took a step back so that it would not reach my feet.

I think I was just as stunned my by actions as the pirate had been. I must have just been standing there staring at the fallen pirate for a while. If the fight had still been raging around me then my freezing and leaving myself open like that would have been dangerous indeed. As it stood, I didn’t need to worry about that.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, the pirate that I had killed had been the captain of the enemy vessel. When he had fallen his crew had let out cries of alarm, and many of them had stopped fighting. With their leader gone they were either slaughtered by my shipmates or quickly surrendered to us. I wasn’t really aware of any of this though.

Nor did I realize that my father had been calling to me and trying to get my attention until he placed a hand on my shoulder. I spun around, still stunned from the battle, and realized that it was only my father who had touched me, just in time to stop myself from swinging my sword at him.

“Easy Shay,” my father said. “The battle’s over now son. You killed the enemy’s captain. Not only that, but you saved my life. Thank you.”

I nodded, and then slowly the import of what I had done began to sink in.

When a series of ‘huzzahs’ made their way around the ship I joined in. Later I would reflect on the fact that I had taken the lives of not one, but two men on that day and feel rather guilty about it. It would only be through telling myself that I had to kill the pirates in order to protect my father and the other men on board the Cyrene that would stop me from either crying or being sick, but in the moment after the fight I couldn’t help but be lifted up by the crew’s enthusiasm. After all, I was a hero.

One of the men picked up the hat that the now dead pirate captain had been wearing and placed it on my head. I laughed and cheered, but did not keep the hat for more than a few moments.

The fact that I had both killed the pirate captain and saved my father’s life earned me a lot of respect and good will from the men. For the rest of that particular journey it seemed as though I was everyone’s favorite crewmate, and my father made sure that I got an extra share of the profits on that voyage, as well as a hefty share of the loot we found on board the pirate vessel.

We scuttled the pirate ship for whatever good and materials we could find. I had images in my mind of gold and jewels, such as pirates always seemed to possess in the novels I had read with Liam, and was therefore disappointed when their hold contained nothing more exotic than a few rolls of silk. Still, we ended up making quite a lot of coin selling what we found aboard that boat, and we needed a certain amount of wood and fabric for repairs after the battle. Davies and my father decided that we might as well take a few of the pirates’ canons with us well.

The pirates that had surrendered to us were taken to New York, where no doubt they were locked away in prison for many a long year or executed for their crimes.

The next time we pulled into port at New York I was even more excited to find Liam than I usually would be. I wanted to tell him about my fight with the pirate captain. I was sure that he would be just as impressed with my feat as my father’s crew had been. I was prepared to spend a few days searching for him, but when I asked in all the usual places I discovered that no-one had seen or heard from him in months. I had learned of the places that the more grown-up Liam had started to frequent over the last few years; the inns and merchants where he would spend his money, but the last time any of them had seen him had been nearly six months earlier, not long after I had last shipped out on the Cyrene. The sums of money were still turning up at his mother’s home, but the letters that he used to write her no longer were.

It looked as though this time Liam had disappeared for good, and as far as anyone was aware, he had no intentions of returning any time soon.

I was heartbroken. I had no idea where to look for Liam. He hadn’t even left me a note, and when I checked on Father Connelly, I discovered that Liam hadn’t even said goodbye to the old priest prior to disappearing. Whatever had grabbed his attention, it was clearly more important to him than anything he had left in New York.

I stayed with Father Connelly that night, but it wasn’t the same without Liam beside me, and I cried myself to sleep, knowing that Liam had at last abandoned me, just as I had always feared he would.

The next day I tried to distract myself by helping out at Father Connelly’s church. The priest tried to tell me that it was perfectly normal for friends to drift apart as they grew older, and as the next couple of days wore on, I slowly came to terms with the fact that perhaps there just wasn’t any room in Liam’s life for me anymore.

After all, he was nineteen then; most definitely a man in his own right. He probably didn’t want me trailing after him. Of course he would be busy with his mysterious job, whatever it might have been. More than that, he was of an age where he was probably more concerned with chasing women than chasing coin. He might even be trying to find a wife. Perhaps he had already had a woman, and that was why he hadn’t returned to New York.

Keep in mind that I was fourteen at this stage; the perfect age to start thinking about such things myself, and it was a recipe for disaster. Liam had broken my heart by disappearing as he had, and I am ashamed to say that over the next few years, I did not behave in a manner that would have made either Liam or Father Connelly proud of me.

Oh, I am sure that the crew of the Cyrene noticed the change, and I am sure that some of them approved of it, not least because part of the change involved me throwing myself into my duties on board my father’s ship like a man possessed. I worked as hard as I possibly could, hard enough that I might be able to forget that I had been tossed aside like an old rag doll, and hard enough that most nights I collapsed onto my bunk, with no energy to think about anything but the work ahead of me.

The other part of the change involved me beginning to pay more attention to women. After all, after months at sea with nought but the rough men on board the Cyrene for company, almost any women looked like the most welcoming and beautiful thing in the world, and if Liam had been whisked away by their charms then surely I was allowed to be as well.

My father tried to discourage my flirting, claiming I was too young to be worrying about such things, and surely afraid that I was going to accidentally get some poor lass with child. The truth was however, that no matter how much I boasted to the men on board the Cyrene, or how outrageously I flirted, my dalliances with the fairer sex never went much further than wandering hands and a few stolen kisses. When I did finally lay with a woman, I wanted it to be with one that I loved, or at least one that I cared for in some manner.

Davies I think knew me well enough to notice something wasn’t quite right, and a couple of times he tried talking to me about it. I would hear none of it though. Thanks to my killing the pirate captain and my newfound bawdiness the men liked me well enough, my father seemed happy with my enthusiasm for work, and I was more than pulling my weight on board the Cyrene. I didn’t see that there was a problem at all.

The next few years are a blur in my memory; a mixture of different ports and different sailors as the crew on board the Cyrene changed over the years. Of course, there was always myself, my father, Davies and a crew of loyal, hard-working men, some of which had been with my father longer than I had been alive.

There were women too. So many women, from so many different countries and walks of life. As beautiful and charming as they all were though, none of them meant anything more to me than a few days’ worth of distraction.

Nothing of any real import happened for several years.

I know that I am trying to delay writing the next part of my tale. My hands shake as I sit here, pen hovering above the page. I wish that I could blame it on rough seas, but we have been travelling in smooth waters for days now.

I think I shall leave the next part of my tale until tomorrow. Hopefully then I will have summoned the fortitude I require, and my hands will not shake so badly.

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#i make my own novel #assassins creed rogue #assassin's creed #assassin's creed rogue #shay patrick cormac #shay cormac #shay cormac defense squad #scds #liam o'brien #novelisation

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ro-roleplays · 8 years ago

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◦ neptune + eoghan + name ◦

1/2 boys needed in poly plot

soo here i have my 21 years old neptune anderson, prob the trashiest guy u’ve ever met. tbh idk about his past yet but he’s ur laid-back sleazy drug addict who can’t go a day without smoking smth. he gets passive agressive when u mention his addiction but it’s hard to piss him off bc he’s rly chill about stuff. also he’s a huge tease and he picks on ppl bc it’s funny but he never rly means to offend them he’s just a lil obnoxious. aand he has no idea what his sexuality is lol. like he knows he’s into guys but for him it doesn’t matter if they’re trans or cis or non-binary or if there’s 1 or 2 of them, he’s just not into labels okk.

aLRIGHT so i’m in need of 2 boys for a complicated poly relationship. they’re like the 2 most importnant ppl in neptune’s life and they’re the only one whose stupid nicknames he accepts. like if other ppl called him nep or neppy he’d punch them. he’s never been in a serious relationship before and he’s been sleeping around and stuff, but he stopped when he met boy a.

NB!! there r gonna be tons of smut threads okk. so pls u have to be okay w mature threads pls. and it’d be rly awesome if u were active!!

RESERVED!!

boy a - alright so lets call him boy a for now. boy a was a virgin around the time neptune met him about 3 years ago, and neptune was in fact the one who took his virginity. but for neptune, he was nothing but a good fuck, a warm mouth. but the more they spent time together, the more boy a felt like he needed neptune in his life. at first, it was complitely platonic. they were like best friends with benefits who acted like a couple in public and they both said ‘no we’re just friends’ to people like twice a day bc no one understood their weird relationship. eventually however they both agreed that they had feelings for each other and they started dating.

alright so boy a is bottom ur typical aesthetic lil flower boi. he’s the reason the 3 of them share their apartment with like 3 cats an 5 dogs and have paintings on their wall and cute lil vases and christmas lights around the house throughout the year. i wouldn’t be surprised if he was a blogger tho. i imagine him as a happy, shy lil boy and he’s prob the most optimistic one. it’s v easy to distract him tho and neptune and boy b always have fun by teasing and picking on boy a.

fc suggestions: troye sivan, dylan o’brien, niall horan, harry styles, asa butterfield, logan lerman, ashton irwin. and i imagine he’d be like 18-20 mb??

open!!

boy b - ok so the first time boy b and neptune saw each other (like about 1 year ago) there was this weird tension. he still doesn’t know if it was sexual tension or if they hated each other, but they didn’t get along at all. so they argued all the time but always ended up having hot angry make out sessions against a wall, and eventually they were having an affair that boy a knew nothing about. the thing is though that at the same time boy b was sleeping with boy a aswell, so basically both neptune and boy a were cheating on each other with boy b. but like, it came out and ofc they had a huge fight about it and boy a blamed neptune bc he started sleeping w boy b first and a week later boy b moved in and no one rly knows what’s going on between those 3 boys but they all kinda have feelings for each other but it’s weird and complicated but pls love them.

alright so boy b is like a complete opposite to boy a?? he’s kinda similiar to neptune but he’s loud and obnoxious and def lazier than boy a?? like meanwhile boy a is making breakfast or baking smth boy b and neptune would be lazing around on the couch either making out or watching tv and yelling cooking tips from masterchef. and he’s most likely to get jealous when he sees neptune and boy a doing smth without them and i see that being kind of a problem?? for the sake of drama oops and he’s a top in bed oops . basically he’s the cockiest one and he’s like the most possessive/protective one. he rly cares about his bbies okk.

fc suggestions: cody christian, stephen james, , jack falahee, calum hood, michael clifford, liam hemsworth, zayn malik. aand i feel like he’d either be the same age as neptune or older?? like 22-25 mb?

#elasticheartrp #wanted ad #request #wanted #poly #pls i need this plot pls #poly ship

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axwalker · 4 years ago

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Tears in Heaven 9: Awakening

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

Pairings: Drake x MC Liam x MC (TRR)

Warnings: NO ONE UNDER 18 should read this story. This is an 18+ blog.

This story will deal with very dark subjects such as death, severe depression and suicide attempt (among others) if you’re triggered by any of those issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY

A/N: We’re close to the end! After this one, there will be only one more chapter and the epilogue.

To catch up: Masterlist

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word count: 6 700

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton, Brown-eyed girl by Van Morrison.

Thank you, @burnsoslow for being an amazing friend, Beta reader and correcting and editing so many grammar and English mistakes. @pedudley for pre reading and your great feedback and huge support.

I LOVE YOU ❤️

As she drove, Alexis’ mind swiveled around all the things she had learned that day.

Especially about Drake. After all, he had been through, he still had come back for her. He still loved her. And that kiss. That amazing kiss that had made her feel alive, excited, and extremely confused.

She almost ran across the estate’s hallways and corridors, until she reached her fiancé’s office. He went to kiss her as soon as she walked into the room. “I wasn’t expecting you today, love; I was going to send you the driver tomorrow morning,” Liam said.

“I came early because I really needed to talk to you.”

The seriousness of her tone made Liam anxious. “A scotch?”

“A whiskey, and make it double, please,” Alexis replied, raking her hand through her hair.

Liam took a bottle of each and poured the drinks. He handed her the whiskey and watched her gulp it. “What’s the matter, Alexis?”

Alexis decided that it was better to go straight to the point. “We didn’t sign the divorce agreement, Liam. I asked for a one-week extension.”

Liam glared at her; his firm grip clutched the whiskey glass he was holding. “What does that mean?” he asked, unable to hide the icy tone of his voice.

“It means that I need time to process everything that I learned about Drake today.” She sat on the couch across from him. “I think you know what I’m talking about.” Alexis fixed her eyes on his, hoping he’d tell her the truth himself.

Liam’s heart sank; he did know exactly what she was talking about. “Drake told you that he came back to see you, but I stopped him.”

“You stopped him? You lied to him! You told him I didn’t want to see him! You lied to me!” she raged. “Is there anything else?”

“I gave him the letter you wrote before you tried to kill yourself,” he said firmly, without taking his eyes off of her.

Alexis gasped, horrified. “You did what!? Drake didn’t say anything about my letter. How the hell could you do something like that, Liam?”

“I had to be sure that he wasn’t going to come back, and the only way to do it was if he understood how desperate you had been, so I gave him the letter.”

“Fuck, Liam! You betrayed me.” Alexis threw her hands in the air. “You knew. Better than anyone else, you knew how much I missed him. How much I suffered because he never came back. And you didn’t care,” she seethed.

Liam let out a sardonic laugh. “It’s very easy to judge me now that you’re doing better. When I made that decision, you were broken; you were fragile and weak.” Liam tapped his index finger on the table as he spoke. “We fought for months to bring you back to life, to create a routine, and when you were finally strong enough to leave that horrible place, Mr. Walker decides to come back from wherever the hell he was and disturb you. Well, I wasn’t going to let him.”

“In prison. Drake was in prison,” Alexis answered, fuming.

Liam shook his head in disbelief. “What? That can’t be true.”

“It is. He got into a stupid fight the night before coming back to Cordonia and spent almost a year in jail. When he was released, he went straight to the hospital to see me, but you stopped him,” Alexis said accusingly.

Liam’s mind spiraled. He remembered that day clearly; he recalled how desperate Drake was to see Alexis, how broken and lost he seemed. “Maybe, love. But that doesn’t change anything. Drake wasn’t stable -- he wasn’t good for you.”

“We lost our son, Liam!” she yelled. “Of course, he was unstable; of course, I was broken. Things were messy and complicated, but lying to him, to me, wasn’t the answer.”

“Drake poisoned you …”

“This isn’t about Drake, Liam! This is about you and me. About our relationship.” Alexis’ eyes filled with tears. “I trusted you with my life. I had you on a fucking pedestal.” She angrily wiped the tears off her cheeks. “You have no idea how much this hurts. I thought you were the only person who had my back. And it turns out you were lying to me.”

“I’m sorry, love. It breaks my heart to see you like this, but I stand by my choice. Perhaps you’ve forgotten how bad you were, but I haven’t.”

“Oh, I know you haven’t. Me neither. And that’s why I can forgive that lie, the first one. The problem is that you lied for years. Every single time the subject came up, you could’ve said something, but you never did. And you made up a whole story about how you had lost my letter. All lies.” The disappointment in her eyes was heart-wrenching. “How am I ever going to trust you again?”

Liam sat on the chair in front of her and took her hands between his. “You have to believe me, Alexis. I wouldn’t have done anything like this if I didn’t think it was for your own well-being. Please, my love, try to understand.” He kissed her hands, trying to get closer to her. “I can’t lose you, not over this. I know I should have confessed the truth earlier, but I was scared you were going to leave me.”

Alexis heard the desperate edge in his voice, and the last four years of her life flashed through her mind. This was the man that had saved her life and given her everything. The man that was willing to sacrifice having an heir for her. As angry as she was with him, deep down, she knew he only had lied to protect her. “I’ll try to understand, Li; I promise. But it’s going to be difficult to trust you again.” Alexis stirred in her chair, uneasy. She had to be honest, too. “There’s else something else I have to tell you.” She took a deep breath. “Drake and I kissed.”

“I’m going to kill him,” he threatened, furious.

Alexis sighed. “Liam, please calm down.”

“How can you ask me to do that?” he raged. “You kissed him, and then you come here to talk about betrayal? I did what I did to protect you, but I’d never do something like this.”

“There’s no excuse for lying to me all these years, Liam. But I shouldn’t have kissed Drake either. I’m sorry,” she said earnestly.

“Are you leaving me? Is that why you didn’t sign the papers?”

“No, I’m not. I gave you my word, Liam. I just needed time to process everything. I’m telling you about the kiss because I don’t want to lie to you.”

He sighed, trying to gain some composure. “Is that it?” he asked coldly.

“I’m going to go to Drake’s cabin on my son’s birthday. We’re finally emptying his room.” She bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry.

“No,” Liam stated determinedly. “That is not going to happen.”

Alexis turned her head to him. “I’m not asking for your permission, Liam. I’m telling you that I’ll go. This is something I have to do whether you agree with it or not.”

“Fuck, Alexis! Do you think that I don’t want you to go because I’m, what, jealous?” He shook his head. “Do I need to remind you how you get every time we talk about Tom? For God’s sake, you can’t say his name. You don’t even celebrate your own birthday because it’s so close to Tom’s. You’re not ready for this, Alexis. I forbid it.”

“We never talk about him, Liam. Never,” she emphasized. “I know how I got, but I’m not the same woman I was four years ago. Hell, I’m not the same woman I was a year ago. I wasn’t able to get out of bed a week before his birthday, and this year, here I am. It’s still horribly painful and heartbreaking, and no, I can’t say his name yet, but I think this will help.”

Liam snorted. “Why? Because Drake thinks so?”

“That is what you think of me, isn’t it?” Alexis asked him sadly. “That I can’t make a single decision by myself. That I need you or Drake to make them for me.” She placed her hand on his. “I don’t blame you; I gave you -- both of you -- that power in the past. But I’m done with that, Li. I’m going to the cabin the day after tomorrow, and that’s final.” She kissed him on his cheek. “I’m exhausted. I’ll try to sleep. We can continue this conversation tomorrow.”

Liam nodded silently as a reply. He poured himself another glass of scotch; it was going to be a long night.

Alexis spent the night on the sofa next to the window, desperately trying to make sense out of everything that was happening. However, it was her son’s face that had kept her up all night. Five years ago, she had woken up elated to plan his birthday party. Tears spilled from her eyes when she remembered going with him to the store and choosing the decorations and his cake together. His smile illuminated her life, and now he was gone. Immersed in her memories, she didn’t see Liam coming into their room; he had spent the night in his office. He sat on their bed, looking tired. Alexis finally turned her head, and her chest tightened. She sat next to him on the bed and placed her hand on his leg.

“Li, are you all right?”

“I was up all night thinking about us. About you and Drake, too.” Seeing that she wanted to intervene, he gently placed his thumb on her lips. “Let me finish, my love. I want you to be my wife; I want to love you and make you happy. But I need you to be as sure as I am. I refuse to spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re thinking about him, wishing he was with you instead of me. Next week, either you sign those papers, forget all about Drake, and we’ll get married as planned … or you break off our engagement. I won’t accept anything in between.” He pulled her to him and kissed her. “I love you, Alexis. I’m so sorry that I lied to you, but I need you to know that it was the only time, and I only did it to protect you; I swear.” He placed a goodbye kiss on her forehead and left the room.

After a while, Alexis packed a bag and left for the capital; she needed to be alone in her apartment to think.

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Two days later, Alexis pulled over at Drake’s cabin, terribly anxious. She was aware that emptying their son’s room was going to be much more complicated than she had expected, but it was something she needed to do to move on with her life, to get some kind of closure. After taking a sharp, almost painful breath and trying to gather some courage, she got out of the car.

Drake’s heart tugged when he saw her through his kitchen window. It was a horrible day for him too, but he had been preparing for a much longer time than Alexis had.

“Hi, Lexie.”

“Hello, Drake.”

The last time she had been in the cabin, the shock of seeing him again after four years had overshadowed everything else. She hadn’t noticed that the house was exactly as she remembered. Well, it was much tidier now that her mess and her son’s toys weren’t scattered all over the room.

“Coffee?” Drake asked.

She nodded, scared that pronouncing one word would be enough to break her. He smiled at her reassuringly.

As he prepared their coffee, her eyes wandered around the bookcase. Her old books were still there. She grabbed her favorite, an early Spanish edition of One Hundred Years of Solitude, a gift from her late mom.

“You should take it,” Drake said as he handed her the coffee.

“I will,” she answered, but kept on looking at the books, more to delay what was coming than anything else.

Drake sipped his coffee silently as he observed her. Her demeanor was graceful and delicate, but her beautiful features reflected her fears, her sadness. He suddenly realized how much Alexis had had to push herself to do what they were about to do. Drake wished she’d realize how strong she was.

“Do you want to talk before we start?” he asked gently.

“Yes, I do.” They walked into the rustic living room; Drake had already lit the fireplace. Alexis sat in her old favorite spot, a cozy white armchair with fluffy red cushions. Drake sighed; everything seemed strangely familiar, and it was making him feel far more nostalgic than he had expected.

“What are we going to do with his things?” Alexis asked as firmly as she could manage.

“There is an orphanage an hour from here. I already bought some boxes and put them in his room. I think we should donate almost everything, except for the things we want to keep because they’re special to you or me. What do you think?”

Alexis nodded slowly. “I agree.”

For a few minutes, they watched the fire in silence as they drank their coffee. Finally, Drake placed his mug on the wooden center table and spoke. “Shall we, Lexie?”

Alexis barely realized that she was shivering. Maybe Liam was right; perhaps she wasn’t ready to deal with it after all. Drake noticed the change in her breathing and how she seemed unable to stand up. He kneeled down in front of her.

“Lexie, I know it’s hard, but it’s time.” He put his hand on her arm. “I’m scared, too.”

“Are you?” she asked, not really believing him.

“Of course. Terrified. But I think that doing it together will help.”

Drake saw the look of determination in her eyes. The old fierce Alexis was still there somewhere. She stood up, and Drake took her hand. Somehow that gesture made him -- them -- stronger.

When they reached Tom’s room, Drake opened the door, and Alexis gasped. She hadn’t been in it for over four years, but it was exactly as she remembered. Tom’s favorite color was blue, so he wanted everything painted in that tone. The shelves filled with books, a chest with his toys, and even the small bed shaped like a car were all blue. Alexis’ watering eyes wandered through the rest of the room. The Shrek blanket covering the bed. His toys, especially the fire truck that he loved so much. Another armchair, where Drake or she used to sit to read Tom a story. His dozens of stuffed animals. Alexis grabbed one of them, a smiling gray rabbit that he took everywhere he went, the one that was next to him the day he died.

She couldn’t hold it in any longer and started to cry uncontrollably. Drake took her in his arms without a word, wrapping her in his embrace and letting her cry. Noticing that he was silently crying as well, Alexis hugged him tightly in return, finding solace in his strong arms, in their shared grief. They stayed like that for a long time.

“We better start collecting his things,” Alexis said, still in tears but calmer than before.

“I want you to do something for me, Lexie,” he said as he rubbed her cheek. “Say his name.”

Alexis shook her head. “I can’t. It’s stronger than me.”

“Look at me.” When she raised her eyes to him, he added, “Nothing is stronger than you. Nothing. Try,” he pleaded gently.

Alexis closed her eyes and took a deep, painful breath. “Tom,” she whispered.

Drake kissed the top of her head. “I knew you could.”

They started packing his things. Every object that went into the boxes reminded them of a special moment; every single item had a memory attached to it.

“I want to keep Buttons,” she said, showing him the stuffed rabbit.

Drake chuckled softly. “He could barely say the word ‘Buttons.’ We only named him that after that dog you liked so much.”

She smiled softly too. “I know, but I loved it when he tried to pronounce it.”

“Me too.”

Alexis felt the wave of feelings washing over her and closed her eyes; maybe that would prevent the tears from coming back. “What do you want to keep?”

“The truck.” he said, kneeling down to grab it. “It used to drive me crazy when he turned on the siren. And now, I’d give anything to …” He cleared his throat, the intense emotions overwhelming him too.

His glassy eyes and his voice breaking pained her profoundly. She kneeled next to him and hugged him again. “Me too, Drake. I’d give everything to have him back.” He looked into her eyes, feeling instantly comforted by her.

They resumed the arduous task, reminiscing and crying while they packed. The process was complicated, impregnated with deep sorrow. At the end of the afternoon, they were both emotionally and physically drained.

Alexis sat on the plush wool couch next to the fire hugging one of its cushions. Drake handed her a glass of water and sat next to her.

“How do you feel, Lexie?”

She didn’t know how to answer. The sadness and bitter pain in her chest were still there, as sharp as usual. But there was also something else — a sort of relief, of peace, that she hadn’t felt in a long time. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “And you?”

“Me neither,” he replied, protectively circling her body with his arms.

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Leo walked into the library and saw Liam sitting on the couch reading the Cordonian News with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“You might be the last person on earth that still reads an actual paper.” Leo chuckled. When he saw the glass Liam was holding, he joked, “Father must be worried; you’re drinking as much as me lately.”

Liam turned around and smiled at his older brother. “No one drinks more than you do, Leo.”

He chuckled. “That is true, man.” Despite the teasing, Leo was worried about his brother. “Is everything alright, Li?”

Liam gave him an unconvincing nod as a reply, so Leo pressed the matter. “How is Alexis?”

Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted. He decided to confide in his older brother. “I feel her slipping away from me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“Where is she now?” Leo said as he prepared an old fashioned for himself.

“With Drake.” Leo arched his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. “They were going to empty Tom’s room today,” Liam added worriedly.

“Fuck! I can’t even imagine it.” Leo shivered, thinking about Milos. “I have no idea how someone can survive something like that.”

“Alexis is not ready, Leo. She’s not strong enough. She’ll get depressed, and I don’t know if I can do it again. Last time, it almost killed me to see her like that.”

“I think she can handle it, Li. When we came to visit a year ago, she seemed very different than she is now. I think you’re being too hard on her,” Leo affirmed as he stirred his cocktail.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe. What I do know is that your relationship isn’t healthy for either of you. Alexis makes me think of a bird in a gilded cage.” Leo sat on the couch. “And you know how much it pains me to agree with old Connie at all, Li. But I think he was right when he told you that she wasn’t ready to be a duchess. I know this because she’s like me; she’s going to feel suffocated here. And you know that, man.”

Liam cocked his eyebrows. “Wow, you sure have a lot of thoughts about my engagement. Since when have you felt like this?”

“Frankly? Since you got engaged. But I didn’t want to spoil your happiness. I’m sorry, Li, but I have to ask. I know you love her, and I’m sure she does too, but isn’t it tiring for you? Always being worried? Always trying to shield her from everything? It has to be exhausting, brother.”

It was more than exhausting; Liam was permanently on edge. But he’d do it for as long as he had to. “I’m used to it; she needs me.”

“That’s the thing: She shouldn’t need you so much.” Leo shifted his position on the couch to face his brother.

“You just said that you couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose a child, Leo, and now you’re judging her for not being strong enough?”

“You know I love Lexie like a sister, Li. I’m not judging her. Or you. On the contrary, I think she’s strong enough. I think she’s perfectly capable of deciding if she can drive or how to mourn Tom.” Leo toyed with his glass before asking, “When you have a problem, do you share it with her?”

“I don’t want to burden her. She has enough on her plate.” Liam exhaled, exasperated; Leo would never be able to understand how broken Alexis really was. If he had to spend the rest of his life protecting her, he would do it.

“Listen to yourself, Li. That is no way to live. You deserve a partner, someone you trust.” Leo placed his hand on his own chest. “Personally, I believe that you can trust her. That Lexie can take it. But if you don’t, what’s the point?”

“The point is that I love her, Leo!” Liam said, finally raising his voice.

Leo rolled his eyes. “Do you? I think you’ve been in love with her for so long that you’re clinging to a fantasy. To a woman that only exists in your head.” He patted his brother on his back. “I don’t want to mess with you. And you know I’m happy that she’ll be part of our family. Just think about it, Li. Don’t marry her only because you’re too stubborn to admit that you made a mistake.”

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Alexis checked her phone; it was almost 10:00 p.m. “I should go,” she said reluctantly.

After the day they both had had, they needed something that would take their minds off of the grief, the sadness. “Do you want to clear your head?” Drake asked carefully.

“What do you mean?”

“I think it would be good for us to think about something else. There’s a new pub next to the old gas station, and it’s 10 minutes from here; we don’t even need the car.”

Alexis considered it for a few seconds. “Actually, I’d love that,” she answered.

Drake tried to hide his excitement behind a single word. “Perfect.”

“Just give me a minute, I’ll go freshen up a little.” Alexis stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light. She placed her hands on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. The red eyes and smudged mascara made her look wretched. She cleaned the rest of makeup off her face and put a little gloss on, happy to spend an evening with him.

They were in a secluded area surrounded by the forest, but it was Friday night, and O’Malley’s was the only pub in a 100 km radio. The place was packed. Large wooden panels, wool rugs, and leather couches decorated it, making it cozy. A local band was getting ready to play.

“This is just my kind of place,” she grinned.

“I know,” he said, smiling at her. “And they have good whiskey and a pool table. What else do we need?”

Her stomach growled, almost answering for her. “Food?”

“When are you not hungry, Lex?” He chuckled when she playfully rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t worry, they make a mean cheeseburger.”

A guy in his mid-sixties approached their booth. “Hello, Drake.” He shot a look at Alexis. “A girl, huh? That’s new.” He extended his hand. “I’m Dan, gorgeous. You shouldn’t be wasting your time with this one. He does nothing but brood,” Daniel joked in a thick Irish accent. “I’ll be behind the bar if you decide to ditch him,” he added, winking.

Drake shook his head, smiling. “Stop it, old man, you’re only embarrassing yourself.”

Alexis laughed. “I’ll see how this goes, Dan, but I’ll keep you posted. He does seem to brood a little too much.” She winked back. “I’m Alexis, by the way”

An air of understanding crossed Dan’s face. “Oh, Alexis.” He looked at Drake, smiling conspiratorially. “I’ll bring you two a bottle from my personal collection.”

“And two cheeseburgers, Dan. Rare, one with no pickles, please.” Alexis was about to intervene when Drake added, “And extra bacon for the one with no pickles. Something else, my lady?” he asked, a sarcastic smile playing on his lips.

She shook her head, smiling; it was silly how happy Drake made her just because he remembered how she liked a damn cheeseburger. “Thank you, Dan.”

When the owner left, Alexis turned to Drake. “Why am I not surprised that the owner knows you on a first-name basis?” Alexis asked playfully.

Drake chuckled. “I have to admit that I spend a night or two here per week. He’s right, though.”

“About what?” she asked, puzzled.

He looked at her hypnotic brown eyes and bewitching smile. “You’re gorgeous,” Drake said smiling.

She shook her head no. “Please, Drake. I’ve cried all day. My eyes are all puffy, and I’m not even wearing any makeup.”

“Gorgeous,” he whispered again, delighting himself with the charming blush that colored her cheeks.

Alexis tucked her hair behind her ear, biting her lip nervously. Drake smiled; that little gesture of hers drove him so crazy that he had to actively stop himself from leaning to kiss her. He swallowed hard instead.

“I like it here.” Alexis changed the subject. If he kept looking at her like that, she wasn’t going to be able to resist him.

“I found it a week or two after I first came back.”

“Dan seems to know you well.”

“I met him in November. I don’t drink as much as I used to, but I was a wreck that day, completely wasted.” Drake didn’t need to add more; she understood that he was talking about the anniversary of Tom’s death. “It turned out that Dan knew exactly what I was going through. He lost his daughter 15 years ago. Leukemia. He drove me home that night. He’s a good guy, so we became friends; that’s why I come here so often.”

Dan came back with a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. “Dalmore 18 years. So, Alexis, Drake told me that you’re Irish, too.”

Alexis smiled. “Half Irish. My grandpa immigrated from Shannon to the States 60 years ago.”

Dan beamed. “What a coincidence! I’m a Doolin, man myself. To county Clare!” he cheered, raising his glass.

“To county Clare!” she beamed back, and the three of them gulped their tumblers. “Grandpa Noah would’ve loved him,” she said, smiling when Dan left.

The band on the stage started their set with “Hey Jude.” Happily, they weren’t as bad as Drake had feared.

He leaned against his chair. Despite the horrible day they had had, they were actually having a good time. His heart swelled seeing Lexie so comfortable. Usually, she seemed to move as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, but that night, she seemed free, relaxed. The sweet smile Drake could kill for illuminated her face.

Dan brought the hamburgers. They were starving; the smell of grilled meat almost made them drool.

“So is this amazing or what?” Drake asked between bites.

She nodded before putting a piece of crispy bacon in her mouth. “God, it’s delicious,” she answered, savoring it.

Drake took a slug of whiskey as he watched her eat. “I’ve never seen anyone enjoy food as much as you do.”

She laughed. “Stop watching me eat, Walker. It’s creepy.” She stuck out her tongue, making him chuckle again. Feeling curious about his new life, she asked, “How are you feeling now that you’re a veterinarian again?”

“Pretty damn good, actually. I’ve been working at the clinic with Ezequiel, and yesterday I spent the morning at Robert’s stables. Remember Rainbow? She had a little foal.”

“I love that mare.” Robert Ferguson was the first client Drake had ever had. “It’s been years since I rode for the last time. I don’t even know why; there are plenty of horses at Valtoria,” she said pensively.

“And you were very good at it.” Drake smirked. “Well, after I taught you, of course.”

“You didn’t do much, Walker. Bastien said I was a natural,” she replied cockily.

“Ha! A natural disaster.” He raised his hands laughing when she threw a crumpled napkin at him. ”I may have exaggerated there but I don’t remember you complaining when I was teaching you.” He cocked a flirty eyebrow at her.

She blushed, remembering his hands firmly holding her hips when he helped her get into the saddle or the shameless way he looked at her when she was riding. “I’ve always admired how passionate you were about your job,” she said, purposely changing the subject again.

“Me too, I loved how passionate you were about literature.” He toyed with his tumbler. “Are you really done with writing?” She nodded sadly, and his heart tugged. Maybe after some time, he would be able to convince her to write again. “Perhaps you could translate fiction instead of legal documents, Lexie.” Drake’s tone of voice reflected his concern.

“I thought about it,” she answered after the last bite of hamburger, “but I won’t have much time to translate anyway when …” She stopped herself.

“When you become the Duchess of Valtoria.” The hint of disdain in his tone was unmistakable.

“Yes,” she answered simply.

The band started to play “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Her song.

“Dance with me.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Who are you, and what the hell did you do with Drake Walker?”

He smiled at her remark. The truth was that Morrison’s song brought back too many good memories and that he was dying to hold her in his arms again. “Ha! People change. Plus, it’s your song, remember?” He asked, staring at her.

They had been married for two years. As a wedding anniversary gift, Alexis had bought tickets to Van Morrison’s concert, Drake’s favorite singer. The first notes of “Brown-Eyed Girl” started to echo through the coliseum. Drake wrapped his arms around Alexis. He pressed his wife’s back tightly against his chest. “This is your song, baby’ you’re my very own brown-eyed girl,” he said into her ear. She grinned. “I love you so much, Drake.” “I love you too, Lexie,” he said before kissing her.

“I do,” Alexis answered softly. “Let’s dance.” She gulped her whiskey and stood up.

A shiver ran through her body as he led her to the dance floor with his large hand strategically placed on the small of her back.

Playin’ a new game

Laughing and a-running hey, hey

Skipping and a-jumping

Drake smiled happily as he pulled her close to him. Having her delicate frame in his arms was more than inebriating. His heart raced while they moved across the dance floor.

In the misty morning fog with

Our hearts a-thumpin’ and you

My brown-eyed girl

You, my brown-eyed girl

Drake cupped and raised Alexis’ face to him. The hammering in her chest got louder when he looked down at her, pouring his chocolate eyes into hers. He mouthed the song’s lyrics as he rubbed her lips with his thumb. Alexis could barely think straight. She was thankful that his strong arms were wrapped around her, holding her firmly.

Whatever happened

To Tuesday and so slow?

Going down the old mine

With a transistor radio

Standing in the sunlight laughing

Hiding behind a rainbow’s wall

Slipping and sliding

All along the waterfall, with you

My brown-eyed girl

You, my brown-eyed girl

Drake pressed her tightly, feeling every inch of Alexis’ soft curves against his body. Wanting her so badly was the most excruciating, most delicious torture he had ever experienced. He dipped his nose into her neck and inhaled, enjoying the delicate cherry notes of her fragrance. His beard tickled her; his breath produced a million goosebumps on her. As they moved, one of Drake’s hands caressed her back, and the other one tenderly cupped her face. Alexis felt like she was seriously going to explode if he didn’t kiss her fast. Finally, he leaned into her, but the singer ended the song, breaking their moment. Alexis swallowed as she took a step back. It was better that way.

They went back to their booth in silence. Alexis poured more whiskey in both their glasses and gulped hers again. They talked, drank, and laughed until they were the last customers in the pub.

“I should go,” Alexis declared when they arrived at the cabin.

“Lex, you can’t drive like this. You’re drunk. You can sleep in our room. Fuck, I’m drunk too. I meant my room.”

It was a horrible idea. “Yeah, okay.”

They went upstairs. Drake grabbed a pair of pants and his Cordonia Veterinarian School sweatshirt, knowing how much Alexis had loved to sleep in it. “Here, so you can sleep comfortably.”

“Thank you,” Alexis said, making eye contact with him. After a few seconds, the stare became charged with all the feelings they had for each other. The electric energy filled the air until Drake took a step towards her. He pulled her close, spinning so he could pin her against the wall, pressing his body against hers. “You drive me insane, Alexis,” he groaned, caressing her cheek.

“Kiss me, Drake,” Alexis whispered.

Drake closed his eyes and leaned down, his heart beating out of his chest. The old spark that used to knock the wind out of him every time they kissed was still there. He crashed his mouth against hers again and again. A soft moan escaped from her lungs, and soon Drake’s mouth was ravaging her neck, kissing it, biting it. His hands roaming all over her. Alexis craved him; every single part of her wanted Drake painfully. He gripped her hips as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He carried her to the bed and laid her down, getting lost in her beautiful face for a few seconds.

“I want you, Lexie. Fuck, I need you.” Drake managed to growl in her ear between hitched breaths.

Her small hands grabbed his neck. She locked her gaze with him. “Me too, Drake. I’ve missed you so much. I need you so much.” She stopped talking, aware that she would regret whatever decision she’d make. “But I feel so confused. And, Liam ... I … can’t… I can’t do this to him.” Alexis’ voice broke with sadness.

Drake sighed. As much as he desired her, it wasn’t the right time. They were both drunk, and Liam was there, hovering between them. After all the years they had been apart, Drake didn’t want to have her back only for a few hours and then lose her because she felt guilty or insecure.

“Hey, baby. Shh, come here.” He laid on his back and wrapped his arms around her, her head on his chest. “Don’t worry. I understand.” He talked with a soothing voice as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Do you mind staying here with me? I don’t think I can sleep in our room alone.”

Our room. Drake smiled. “Of course, Lexie. I’m here. You can sleep; I won’t leave.”

Drake’s embrace made Alexis feel profoundly safe. A warm feeling of finally being home invaded her. Soon her breath became even. Drake realized she had fallen asleep and covered her with the blanket. Her beautiful features seemed calm and peaceful. Drake softly stroked her hair, letting his hopes run wild. In that instant, if only for a few stolen minutes, he had all he wanted. After a short moment, he leaned his head against the pillow and soon drifted off to sleep as well.

The next morning, Alexis woke up to the smell of a hot, steaming cup of coffee on the nightstand. Her eyes wandered through the room, looking for Drake, a little disappointed that he wasn’t in bed next to her. She sat on the bed and saw him standing on the balcony, a cup of coffee in his hand, looking at the lake.

“Hi, Drake.”

“Hi, Lex,” he smiled faintly.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

He nodded, his stare still on the lake. “I don’t want to pressure you, Lex, but in less than three days, we're supposed to sign those damn papers. What do you want to do?”

Alexis took a sip of coffee to buy herself a few seconds. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Damn, Alexis, that’s not what I’m asking. What do you want? Not me, or Liam, or anyone else. You,” he groaned, pointing his hands at her. “What do you want?”

“It’s not that fucking easy, Drake,” she answered. “Liam and I have been together through so much. And now I’m supposed to leave him like he meant nothing? He deserves so much more than that.”

“So you’re going to sacrifice your life because of what? Gratitude?” He ran his hand through his hair.

“I know this is difficult to hear, Drake, and I’m sorry, but I love Liam too.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. And it killed me until I realized that you might love him, but you’re not in love with him, Lex. I know you inside and out. You can lie to the entire world, but you can’t lie to me.” He stepped close to her and rubbed circles on her jaw with his thumb. “Don’t think about Liam or about me, think about you. About your dreams. If there’s something you and I know, it’s how ephemeral life is. Don’t waste any more time, Lexie. I promise that the life you used to love is still there; the things you used to enjoy doing, you can enjoy again. Please don’t stop living because you’re afraid or feel guilty.”

Alexis didn’t want to hear any of it. She had loved life, passionately. She had been open and free; she had had everything. A beautiful marriage with the love of her life. A perfect son. A promising career. Hobbies, passions, happiness. Losing that life almost killed her once, but she had learned her lesson. It was better to live guardedly, carefully. As much as she wanted to be, she wasn’t the naïve 19-year-old girl Drake had met 10 years ago.

The worst part was knowing that no matter what she did, she was going to hurt someone. Drake was the love of her life. He made her feel safe and protected, exhilarated, giddy, and euphoric, even after all that time. During all those years away from him, she had never stopped loving him, missing him painfully.

But Liam had never left her, no matter how broken, how sad she had been. She had never asked him to stay, to take care of her, but he had done it anyway, selflessly. It made his sacrifice even nobler. Together they had been able to defeat her grief, if only partially. He deserved much more than to be a mere transition into her real life.

“I need to leave, Drake. I’m sorry.”

“You’re so fucking frustrating,” he growled. “But as stubborn and maddening as you are, I love you.” He grabbed her waist and surprised her with a long, heartfelt kiss. “I love you, Alexis, and I’m not going anywhere this time. When you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Drake stepped into the house and left her alone.

Alexis felt like she was standing on the verge of a precipice and had no idea if it was better to jump or stand still.

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#axwalker writes #tears in heaven #tw death of a child #trauma

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