#it’s just that Shanks is a social guy he loves having a big and ever extending network of friends and family

[kacievvbbbb]

Listening to Ribs by Lorde thinking about a pre breakup Mihawk telling Shanks.

“Your the only friend I need”

And Shanks a man who has always known company and has dedicated his life to having friends/family, doesn’t know how to take that.

Mihawk who intended this as a “flirt” is doing his best looking up through his eyelashes trick.

This does not help. At all

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 09 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Blather)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Wen Chao’s Weird Bird, Redux

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji walk away after killing the dire bird, and then Wen Chao, who was standing like 2 feet away, comes to collect its resentful little corpse. He totally heard Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji talking about him.  

Wen Memorial

Now we visit the Wen memorial, which Wei Wuxian 2.0 won’t remember when he sees it again. Everyone who isn’t a Wen is confused and awkward while the Wens have an impromptu family conference. Agenda: 1. weeping 2. apologizing to ancestors for involuntarily being turned into temporary zombies. 3. getting the fuck out of dodge before it happens again

This is a burial place, and the non-Wen cultivators are deferential and tentative where before they were bossy. Wei Wuxian’s affect is particularly different from his normal swagger and decisiveness. 

Look how gently he asks Wen Qing about this place, thinking carefully and making his expression conciliatory before he opens his mouth to speak. 

(more after the cut)

The others react to this revelation by becoming even more awkward and uncomfortable...

But Wei Wuxian responds with shock and sympathy, once again showing why he makes friends wherever he goes, and why he is so vulnerable despite his many strengths. There is no “not my problem” setting in Wei Wuxian’s heart.

It occurs to me, in watching his reaction, that Wei Wuxian doesn’t have a single living blood relation, as far as he or we know, and at this point he has never met a single member of his own clan. Yes yes, he has an adoptive family, and that’s lovely; I’m an adoptive parent myself. But genetic family is also super important, particularly in the ancestor-revering culture we see depicted in The Untamed. 

In any case, this moment of standing before the grave of Wen Qing’s people, with these few remaining members of her family--people who he will later get to know so well--seems to resonate with him.  

Baby Wen 

The scene at the shrine includes our first look at random cute kid massively important character Wen Yuan. 

Let’s pretend Wen Yuan is a different age from however old he will be at the end of the Sunshot campaign, since the actor did not magically change ages. Here the character is probably two years old. 

Rich Gege Lan Wangji in this scene is wearing the same gorgeous blue color he will be wearing years later when Wen Yuan grabs him and won’t let go. Maybe A-Yuan’s pre-fever memory was super good, and he remembered that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian belonged together. 

Chicken Hunting

Wei Wuxian seems to be all in on this chicken hunt, making sure Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang join him, but then he circles back to talk privately with Wen Qing and Lan Wangji. This was a ruse to distract Jiang Cheng. 

Wei Wuxian is very good at manipulating Jiang Cheng and he does it frequently. He takes this ability way, way, way too far when he concocts the whole golden-core plan, which I’ll get into in the relevant episode. But this sibling dynamic is not great in either direction. 

Incidentally, nobody asks about the giant chain mark on Wei Wuxian’s throat after he and Lan Wangji come back from their time in the woods together. What kind of rep does he have, exactly?

Having cornered Wen Qing, Wei Wuxian starts to question her seriously, but can’t resist an opportunity to flirt with Lan Wangji like an embarrassing dumbass. 

Lan Wangji’s communication skills continue to improve, as he angrily tells Wei Wuxian "bì zuǐ! “ instead of storming off or shanking him with Bichen. [Chinese vocab OP has learned from watching CDramas: bì zuǐ (shut up),  duì bù qǐ (sorry), nú cái zuì gāi wàn sǐ  (your servant deserves to die for her offense)]

Wei Wuxian makes a visible effort to drag himself back over the line into propriety.

While Wei Wuxian apologizes to Lan Wangji with his eyes, Wen Qing wonders what she ever did to deserve being stuck in the middle of this crap.

Eventually the boys get the whole Wen backstory, and Wen Qing hits the road.  

In what will become a repeating motif, Jiang Cheng asks Wen Qing to forget her family, abandon her clan, and bail on her little brother. 

What the fuck, dude. You wouldn’t do that to Wei Wuxian and he’s your shige, not your didi. You are on this very road trip out of a sense of concern for him. As a female orphan who is the elder to her male sibling, Wen Qing’s obligation to Wen Ning is enormous even if she didn’t love him to bits. Not to mention she seems to be the clan leader for the Dafan Mountain Wens at this point. Jiang Cheng should understand her, but doesn’t.  

Club Ruohan

God I’m boring 

 At some point in the episode we stop by Club Ruohan. Yawn. WRH tells Wen Chao he’s a dumbass for targeting Wen Qing’s people, and to get back to his fucking project already. Wen Chao talks about wanting to get “Wei Wuxian” and his homies - he doesn’t namecheck Lan Wangji, the ringbearer Yin Iron having person. Just bird-killer Wei Wuxian. That doesn’t bode well for Lotus Pier.

Wen Ruohan is actually fairly reasonable, for a power-hungry megalomaniac who’s busily corrupting himself with dark energies. Most of the atrocities in the “fuck all of the other clans” campaign were Wen Chao’s idea. 

Downtown

The gang goes to Qiting and Lan Wangji gets ready to go doorknocking to find out where the next hunk of Iron is. Wei Wuxian stops him and says that his plan is stupid and it sucks. 

In a truly amazing display of his developing trust in Wei Wuxian, socially awkward Lan Wangji asks WWX for advice on how to proceed. 

Wei Wuxian’s answer is to go drinking. But...he’s not wrong. And he explains his reasoning to Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji before the grabbing and dragging part. Lan Wangji seems to be getting used to that part. 

In fact Lan Wangji has already become a lot more comfortable with Wei Wuxian’s extroversion and high spirits than Jiang Cheng is, even though Jiang Cheng isn’t nearly as introverted as Lan Wangji. That’s love for ya.

Tavern Talk

Wei Wuxian slaps a heap of coins down on the table and proceeds to extravagantly order...three jugs of wine. That seems pretty moderate, but they all react like he’s a big spender. 

Wei Wuxian: No worries, Rich Gege's got me covered 

Wangxian’s old-married-couple dynamic appears on the scene fully formed, as Wei Wuxian slowly undresses a bottle of wine and Lan Wangji tells him to stop dawdling. 

Chatting with the guy at the Inn works exactly as well as Wei Wuxian said it would, as he tells them about creepy doings at the old Chang place. 

Lan Wangji’s bag of holding, which was definitely not tucked into his perfectly smooth chest placket a second ago....

bursts forth like the xenomorph in Alien, startling everyone and causing Lan Wangji a lot of pain and brow furrowing.

Wei Wuxian leaps over and puts a steadying hand on his shoulder, and tells him to relax and concentrate, in a bit of a role reversal from earlier. Lan Wangji doesn’t shake him off. 

Once the Yin Iron settles down again, they dash off to investigate the creepy doings, leaving Nie Huaisang behind to meet up with Meng Yao. I’m sure everyone will be glad some day that they created an opportunity for Meng Yao to join them and the new enemy they are about to capture. 

Cheng Compound

At the Cheng compound, the door is shut and there are creepy noises. Time for a talisman! 

It’s sweet how when anything fucked-up and necromantic happens, these guys immediately look to Wei Wuxian for the right way to deal with it. 

The outfits here form a nice a nice contrast, with the two clan lineal descendants dressed in near-matching blue with silver crowns, while Wei Wuxian has changed out of his blue and red robes and into his future signature black. The leather hair band is as fancy as he gets - he wears his outsider status pretty proudly, even at this early age. 

The boys open the doors on a scene so grotesque, even gravity has become meaningless. 

Lan Wangji: This is horrifying, so extremely untidy

Jiang Cheng: Do I know any of these people? No? Ok, this is fine then

Wei Wuxian: I wonder if I could kill this many people all by myself. That would be epic.

[somerpmemes]

Killing Eve S3 Starters

Change as needed

“If you want to be a winner you have to sacrifice everything.”

“I am so much happier now she’s dead.”

“Bureaucracy in all its glory.”

“I’m back now, with bells on.”

“We’re always like this, aren’t we?”

“We’re gonna make a fabulous team.”

“You’re not easy to replace.”

“What’s in it for you, hmm?”

“Whatever you want, I will do it.”

“Power is there for the taking, ___. You just have to be smart about how.”

“You have friends?”

“You realize to fit in here you have to be socially inept like the rest of us.”

“You know, a normal person would flake on their friend when something better turns up.”

“Well, remind me not to rely on you for anything.”

“You can hide from it, but it won’t hide from you.”

“Are you crying? Don’t be a wimp.”

“Nothing good comes fast.”

“My work remains totally untouchable.”

“You know, you really shouldn’t leave your front door open considering the amount of people that have tried to kill you.”

“Yeah, well it’s not my problem anymore.”

“You just don’t seem very happy, that’s all.”

“Who says I want to be happy?”

“You see this and you’re transported to a time of happiness?”

“Are you ever going to apologize?”

“You really don’t think you did anything wrong at all, do you?”

“Life is just a series of trade-offs, ___.”

“This isn’t something you can fix, ___.”

“Our entire relationship has had you at the center of it.”

“She’s lying, okay?”

“You’re crying because you feel stupid. Because you WERE stupid.”

“Hey, these drinks don’t involve games or organized fun, do they?”

“I hear you’re a walking miracle.”

“You know, when a bullet has been through you, it leaves something behind.”

“And then you taught me how to swear in Russian.”

“It’s about acknowledging the sad together.”

“Couldn’t we be sad and listen to good music?”

“It’s push by the way.”

“Why would I want to look ten years younger?”

“It’s good to have many lovers. Keeps you limber.”

“Winners win alone.”

“You can’t go down that path anymore.”

“So you don’t think about her anymore?”

“So, shall we just dive right in?”

“I don’t believe in distractions.”

“I’m fully capable of doing my job without any approval from you.”

“I know you think I’m a self-serving prick.”

“Some things are bigger than the job and this is one of them.”

“You have to start taking care of yourself right now or it’s going to catch up with you.”

“How long do I have to stay?”

“Anybody can fight. It takes a special person to kill.”

“Just so you know, I’m kinda a big deal in this industry.”

“You do everything I say exactly when I say it.”

“If you make me look bad I will kill you.”

“You did all that for a boyfriend?”

“You only know a country once you know it’s drink.”

“It’s good to know he was getting some before he died.”

“Being hard on someone is sometimes what they need.”

“Don’t be embarrassed will you?”

“Why don’t you go and do your thing where you close your eyes and breathe?”

“You do not get to come here without an invitation anymore!”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m moving up in the world.”

“If I killed everybody who betrayed me there would be nobody left.”

“You have to know, you’re not safe.”

“You think you’re in control but you’re not.”

“Really, I’m fine. You should go.”

“You know I care about you?”

“You really like that baby, huh?”

“It would be really unsettling if he actually got something right.”

“I have all my best thoughts in the bath.”

“I haven’t looked up in ten minutes.”

“Meetings have biscuits.”

“That is literally the most parenting this household has ever seen.”

“You have been unfocused and manic for days.”

“I’m just having some fun.”

“It’s not my fault he was an idiot.”

“You want to amuse yourself, go crazy.”

“I’m the one doing all the work.”

“You think handling you isn’t work?”

“You should get your act together.”

“I’m not ready!”

“Once I pop, I just can’t stop.”

“I don’t have any self-control.”

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“Did you take this job thinking it’d be easier?”

“You really should have some kind of protection, you know that right?”

“Have you ever locked and popped, ___?”

“I want to smell powerful.”

“Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones is how we grow.”

“I adore a coincidence, it makes me feel I’m in the right place.”

“I just had the novel experience of being stood up.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have him killed.”

“A terrible lifestyle suits me, huh?”

“Do you believe a word of that?”

“This place is psychopathic.”

“I should have shot you in the head.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“I’m not here for you!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Who doesn’t answer their phone on a stake-out?”

“Everyone, look innocent.”

“Don’t wait for me in the dark like that!”

“Don’t you want to know why I’m in your bed?”

“They own every little bit of you.”

“What kind of baby do you think I was?”

“I’m wearing power. And to keep power, you need knowledge.”

“This is where you belong!”

“So you’re saying this is it?”

“You do realize that’s my desk?”

“What is that smell?”

“You’re supposed to share the cake!”

“You’re like a sad teenager, waiting for a like on Instagram.”

“Don’t you like having fun?”

“You don’t know what it’s like when you’ve chosen to destroy your own life.”

“I promise you, whatever you’ve done is not half as bad as the stuff in my checkered past.”

“I stabbed someone.”

“Do not think that you are the only self-loathing as whole in the room, ever.”

“Choices, ___. It’s all about choices.”

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

“But it’s my job to do terrible things.”

“I want you to have a plan.”

“So not over me.”

“Ah. You made me cake.”

“It really doesn’t look like the picture.”

“Wait, wait, just because it looks bad doesn’t mean it tastes bad.”

“You don’t deserve nice things if you don’t look after them.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“I gained valuable insight into Victorian gender politics.”

“You’re so close to getting what you want. But you have to play by the rules.”

“You are so annoying today.”

“I am just trying to save you from yourself!”

“You know, you really don’t have to be so dramatic.”

“This would be a really bad way to go!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be my favorite.”

“What got you in such a good mood?”

“I really hate it when you do that.”

“You’re free now. You can be whoever you want.”

“But I don’t want to be free.”

“You have the hiccups?”

“I’ve been ordered to stay away from all of this.”

“What are you doing home at this hour of the day?”

“It is a bit odd being here in the daytime, isn’t it?”

“I get up to all sorts of stuff.”

“You barely even look at me.”

“I’m trying to tell you that I’m worried about you, ___!”

“You have hat hair.”

“You said you have everything under control.”

“Not getting any, huh?”

“Did they air bnb my room again?”

“I know a killer when I see a killer and she’s a killer.”

“You were mean.”

“I beat the crap out of the sofa so I don’t beat the crap out of people.”

“You’ll have lots of fun, I promise.”

“Being strong is a choice.”

“That looks like shit.”

“You don’t want to dance?”

“Eat this. Be quiet.”

“Come on, it used to make you laugh.”

“You always laugh at things that aren’t funny.”

“You do not belong here.”

“I was not a happy person.”

“You were never a happy person.”

“You were bad from the beginning.”

“Oh, I think I need to kill you.”

“It’s so good to see your eyes.”

“Do you want to put ice on it?”

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

“This is the same stuff I was doing before.”

“You know that would be okay... if you’re not okay, that is.”

“Sometimes you just need to let it win.”

“You can’t watch sports without a hot dog.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

“Where are we going? It better be someplace hot.”

“You should run away.”

“I don’t think you really want this.”

“Don’t let them see something’s up.”

“The plan only works if nobody knows there is one.”

“Should I… trust you?”

“None of us are to be trusted, that’s why we work here.”

“Don’t be a grump.”

“Stop or I’ll scream.”

“You know how annoying it is when you have to be around two people in love?”

“You’re a real role model, you know that?”

“You don’t have to do this. I already know you are scary.”

“___, are you comparing yourself to a carrot?”

“I don’t love being here either.”

“It would be so much better if we could have this conversation after I’ve eaten.”

“To you, I am harsh and cold and, to me, you are disappointed and expectant.”

“You don’t talk to people when they are bowling.”

“You can’t beat us, you understand?”

“Oh, I’ve got to get out of here.”

“That guy was really staring at me.”

“Do you know why I love you, ___? Because you’re an agent of chaos. And I love chaos.”

“You’re a beautiful monster, ___.”

“Thank you for the inappropriate touching. It was actually pretty nice.”

“You’re a child. You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”

“It’s just standard white person stuff.”

“Jokes are for people who do their job correctly, ___.”

“Do you ever think of anything else?”

“Heroes only get the girl in Hollywood.”

“Do you want to sit down?”

“Is this one of those moments we pretend never happened?”

“Look what someone just gave me. It’s a shank made out of a toothbrush.”

“Tone all this down a little. It’s too much.”

“So you’re actually leaving me here?”

“Why are you making this difficult?”

“You can’t get raided twice in a day. It’s a rule.”

“You look ridiculous.”

“Germans don’t wear kilts.”

“Russia has vegans now.”

“There is no such thing as a nice surprise.”

“Just once I want to make a scene and not be told to “be quiet” or to “pull myself together” or that I’m being ridiculous!”

“What kind of person does that?”

“I hope you die.”

“He’s crying out to be killed.”

“You have lost it, haven’t you?”

“Okay, I’m gonna make myself an omelette to celebrate.”

“That random guy now wants to kill me.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Wherever I go, someone wants to murder me.”

“I probably deserve it.”

“Let’s face it, ___, I’m a prick.”

“Don’t argue with me we’re celebrating.”

“You’re not really okay, are you?”

“I fear the walls may be closing in on me.”

“It’s starting to feel personal.”

“What is wrong with you?! You’re an emotional iceberg!”

“I’m not coming at you, I’m trying to hug you.”

“This isn’t healthy.”

“You can’t just refuse to feel anything for the rest of your life.”

“A little overdramatic, don’t you think?”

“Is this really necessary?”

“You’re going to die in this room.”

“We are both to blame.”

“Do you ever think about the past?”

“They seem happy. Carefree.”

“I want to feel like that.”

“Dancing’s not my thing.”

“Are you leading or am I?”

“We’d consume each other before we got old.”

“Talk me through your outfit.”

“Comfortable is what you make people with a terminal illness.”

“I was trained to look devastating.”

“You know, you almost have no sense of humor.”

“What am I supposed to do? Applaud or…?”

“What is this really about?”

“You’ve not tried to bribe someone before, have you?”

“I expected you to look more like a stripper.”

“You know your problem? You don’t know what’s good for you.”

“Well, this is something new.”

“You’re going to burn for this.”

“I wish I could believe you.”

“You never loved me. Not even close.”

“You can be pretty athletic when you choose.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore. Any of it.”

“You were never like them. You only thought you were.”

“When I try to think of my future I just see your face over and over again.”

“Did I ruin your life?”

“Do you think I’m a monster?”

“I think we all have monsters inside of us, it’s just that most people have managed to keep theirs hidden.”

“Help me make it stop.”

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE SERIES: My Favorite One Piece Arc with Daniel Barnes

  I love One Piece and I love talking to people who love One Piece. And with the series going on 23 years now, there is a whole lot to talk about. As the series is about to publish its 1000th chapter, a true feat in and of itself, we thought we should reflect upon the high-seas adventure and sit down with some notable names in the One Piece fan community and chat about the arcs they found to be especially important, or just ones they really, really liked.

  Welcome to the next article in the series "My Favorite One Piece Arc!"

  My next guest in this series is Daniel Barnes, writer for the Aggretsuko comic, and his original graphic novel The Black Mage. For my chat with him, he chose the Marineford arc, in which Luffy drops into a World Government headquarters in a desperate race against time to save his "brother" Ace from execution.

  A note on spoilers: If you haven't seen the Marineford arc yet, this interview does contain major plot points. Watch the Marineford arc starting RIGHT HERE if you'd like to catch up or rewatch!

    Dan Dockery: Let’s say that for some reason, I get to the end of Impel Down, just before Luffy & Co. drop into Marineford, and I’m like “I’m done. This is it. I can’t handle any more One Piece.” In one sentence, what do you tell me to keep me going?

  Daniel Barnes: Why are you stopping before you reach the payoff of everything you’ve read so far?

  I like that! How long have you been into One Piece?

  When I first started consuming One Piece in earnest, ironically enough, I was in the Navy at the time. It was 2014, and up until that point, my only exposure had been the 4Kids dub on FoxBox.

    Nice. I love a good FoxBox reference. Was it recommended to you? Because I know that, when a lot of people start One Piece, it’s like “FINE. I’ll watch One Piece. You’ve convinced me.”

  I don’t consume anime as voraciously as I did back then. Back then, I was an anime vacuum, but I was also in this weird spot where I was semi-depressed. But someone told me, “You gotta try One Piece, it’s the best.” And my first reaction was “Umm, the art style’s kinda weird, though.” But they told me “You’ll get over it,” and the thing that made me finally take that leap was Gurren Lagann, which also had an unusual art style and then became one of my favorite things ever. So I figured I should at least give it a shot. 

  That’s something I’ve heard a few times. Because in other big series like Naruto and Bleach, the character designs are much more proportionate and straightforward. And I felt the same way...until I watched it, and realized the art style is PERFECT for what it is. So, Marineford is pretty much the halfway point of the series, with characters returning from all over the place. Were there any that you were excited to see come back?

  There’s a few of them. I always love it when Mihawk shows up, but I think the big one is Whitebeard. Because up until this point, he’s just sitting around and you know he’s a big deal but you’re always wondering why he’s a big deal. And then you find out in Marineford. I enjoy seeing characters that are kind of defined as the “power ceiling” in an anime universe get to do stuff, and it was cool to see him make the entire world quake.

    I think I called it in an article a “Be Quiet, The Parents Are Talking” character. You’ll go through Luffy getting new power-ups and increasingly strong villains and these seemingly insurmountable admirals with their elemental powers and then Whitebeard comes in, and he’s leaps and bounds above everyone. And like you said, for the most part, he’s just sitting down beforehand.

  Yeah, he’s sitting down drinking a giant gourd of sake. His name is Whitebeard, but he doesn’t have a beard. Got a real Hulk Hogan vibe to him. Who is this guy? But then you finally see him after all this time, and that’s the magic of One Piece. You see all of these things over the years and you wonder what part they’ll play and then it finally hits you and their role and strength becomes clear. 

  Marineford, obviously, is all built around Ace. And what you get out of the arc probably depends on how much you enjoy Ace’s character. How did you feel about him? Did it make you emotional at all? I know he has the one scene with Garp where they talk about finding your purpose in life, and that really got to me, even though I’m not the biggest fan of Ace.

  Okay, I think Ace looks cool and I think he has good powers, but I didn’t really care that much when he died. I didn’t really know him enough. 

    Were there any characters that you did get attached to or like a lot in Marineford? I know you said you liked Whitebeard and Mihawk, but who was your Marineford MVP? Who shines brightest among all those crazy diamonds?

  Okay, so the cop-out answer is probably Luffy. He’s one of the weakest characters there and he manages to survive and he plays such a big role by rallying everyone despite being constantly outmatched. So, objectively, Luffy. But maybe I give it to Coby, because Coby stands his ground against Akainu. He gives you hope that maybe the Marines can change their ways one day and when he refuses to move in front of an Admiral, I thought that was a real stand-out, awesome moment. 

  So Ace dies, Whitebeard just wrecks Akainu and throws him into a pit, and then, out of nowhere, Blackbeard shows up. Whitebeard beats up Blackbeard and Blackbeard’s forces kill Whitebeard. What do you think about Blackbeard as a villain? Because he’s so unlikeable. He’s underhanded, he whines whenever he gets hurt, he’s super pompous. He has cool powers, but there’s nothing cool about who he is. 

  He’s super interesting, to me. He has a mystery around him with his two Devil Fruit powers, and he doesn’t really fit into any shonen villain stereotype. He’s an inverse of Luffy, but not in all of the super obvious ways. When you first see him in Jaya, you see him start with basically nothing, and you watch him work through the system and the powers that be, just like Luffy. They’re both trying to achieve the same thing and reach the same goal. But Blackbeard’s methods are different. 

    Yeah, Luffy will punch you in the face, while Blackbeard will stab you in the back.

  And getting to see that evolution is great, because they easily could’ve just said, boom, here’s the next big bad guy and given him to you without context. But it’s like I said about One Piece earlier, where it shows you stuff over time and gets you to look forward to what will happen with it later. That’s Blackbeard’s whole appeal. 

  You talked earlier about Coby standing up to Akainu, ready to die for his beliefs. And then Shanks comes and stops the war. How did you feel about that? Because we’re all still waiting to see what his deal is (which as you said is a big part of the continuing appeal of One Piece,) but were you hyped to see him show up?

  I thought it was cool, because One Piece has done a good job of establishing him as an awesome guy. He’s a lot like Zero from Mega Man X, where he shows up at the beginning, they imply how powerful he is, they make the main character want to be as strong as him, and then they take him away and only show him sparingly. So whenever Shanks drops by, he's been handled so well that you’re just on the edge of your seat wondering what he’s gonna do.

    So, after the war is over, Jimbei has to remind Luffy that he still has things worth fighting for. And then, the timeskip. Were you aware that a timeskip was coming?

  Oh yeah. It’s kind of hard to exist on social media and not get a bunch of these little hints about what’s gonna happen. But that was my goal with One Piece for a little while: I’m gonna get to the timeskip. I have to get there. It’s coming, I know it’s coming, I don’t know when it’s coming, but I just have to reach it. 

  There are so many big moments in this arc, but looking back at it, are there any moments that stand out as prime One Piece to you? 

  The obvious one, for me, is when Luffy goes Third Gear and punches the giant out of the way. That’s so cool and such quintessential One Piece. A giant on an arena made of ice and a rubbery kid inflates his fist to make it huge and knocks him around. It’s so weird and it works. 

  ONE PIECE LIGHTNING ROUND!

  Favorite One Piece character?

  Usopp.

  Favorite One Piece villain?

  Crocodile.

  Favorite One Piece arc?

  Sabaody Archipelago.

  Which Devil Fruit would you eat if you had the choice? 

  Bellamy’s Spring Spring fruit. 

  If you had to live on any island in the One Piece universe, which would you choose?

  Does the Gran Tesoro from the Film: Gold movie count? That one’s pretty dope.

  Favorite One Piece fight?

  Luffy vs Blueno, when he first reveals the Second Gear.

  One Piece moment that made you cry the hardest?

  When the Franky Gang beats up Usopp and Nami finds him and Usopp is like “I’m useless. I can’t do anything.” Whenever Usopp gets beaten up, his nose gets all crooked and he loses teeth. There’s so many cartoon-ey visual indicators for Usopp in pain. It got me.

  One Piece moment that made you cheer the loudest?

  When Luffy punches the Celestial Dragon in the face. It’s so cathartic. 

      Stay tuned for the next installment of "My Favorite One Piece Arc" as we speak with One Piece Podcast Co-Host and storyboard artist Steve Yurko about his favorite One Piece arc: Baratie!!

      Daniel Dockery is a Senior Staff Writer for Crunchyroll. Follow him on Twitter!

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features.

By: Daniel Dockery

[sourwolfstories]

hogwarts/harry potter fic rec list

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble by pandacowhipster

When potions prodigy Stiles blows up one cauldron too many during one of his ‘experiments’, he gets assigned to making Wolfsbane Potion for the new groundskeeper. Which wouldn’t be so bad if the guy wasn’t you know, terrifying.

Save a Broom, Ride a Quidditch Player by 42hrb

Derek and Stiles have been mutually pining for each other for years, Cora and Lydia are sick of it.

apparecium by bleep0bleep

Derek is an Auror investigating a cult that hangs out at this new restaurant in Diagon Alley, Roscoe's, when he runs into someone he thought he'd never see again.

Will he be able to stop a rising threat to the wizarding world-- and more importantly, will he be able to make amends with the one who got away?

Lepidopterophobia by hazelandglasz

From a list of prompts : "you walked in on me practicing for datda in an empty classroom, and have now inadvertently discovered that my boggart takes the form of a butterfly, please stop laughing"

Untamed by rosepetals42

Of course, the transfer kid gets mentioned because transfers are rare, but the news isn’t that exciting. In fact, according to Laura, no one even seems to know his first name. The only thing anyone has really figured out about him is that he’s American. And that’s not exactly hard because he obviously has an accent.

The only thing Derek really knows is that, despite other reports, he seems quiet enough, prefers to work alone, and has the most amazing shade of amber eyes that Derek has ever seen.

Not that he’s looking. Obviously.

OR: A Harry Potter AU where Stiles is a Slytherin transfer student and Derek is the grumpy Gryffindor who falls in love with him.

There are also potions, elves, and falcons involved. Oh, and illegal use of magic. Obviously.

chantes une nouvelle chanson pour moi by pr1nc3ssp34ch (dallisons)

Stiles Stilinski has been at Hogwarts since his first year, okay. That's six years of experience. He knows how Hogwarts works, how it operates. He's not quite an expert or anything, but he's pretty damn sure he knows this school.

So why the hell have they waited like a million years to start taking transfer students?

And why is he the only one who can't get a French date?

Confrontation and Confession by literaryoblivion

After the third owl from his son detailing how his Transfiguration teacher has given him detention and the reasons why, Stiles starts to get suspicious of this professor.

He Blinded Me With Library Science by mklutz

Stiles blinks. “Right, the reading room. Do you have your, uh ...library card?” he asks. He’s never been able to make that sound normal and not vaguely dirty when he actually means wand.

Green and Gold by AllTheseSquaresMakeACircle

Derek had a lot to consider going into his fifth year of Hogwarts. His parents were pressuring him to make good grades and to preform well on his O.W.L.'s. They were a family that worked in the Ministry after all. But he was more concerned with Quidditch. And his grades showed. Well, Transfiguration did anyway. So, he was going to get a tutor. That was okay. He just wasn't expecting it to be one Stiles Stilinski.

Or, the Harry Potter AU that popped into my head that refused to leave. It's random and messy and weird. And that's okay.

Mother of Dragons by Lissadiane

Since Hogwarts had opened its doors to werewolves, many Hale children had apparently come through, wary and angry, refusing to socialize with the other students. And one by one, they’d been sorted into Slytherin, obviously, with the odd Ravenclaw to mix things up.

And then along came little Derek Hale, who’d barely gotten his ass on the stool before the hat was calling out Gryffindor.

Everyone thought it was funny, even now, when Derek was in his seventh year. Stiles, though, found it fascinating.

It helped, of course, that Derek was two years older and hotter than the sun.

Get Me In Trouble by scottmcniceass

Stiles is in his seventh and finale year at Hogwarts. Things were supposed to go smoothly-- he'd work hard, hang out with his friends, the usual. Unfortunately for him, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has it out for him. To make matters worse, he happens to be the most attractive person Stiles had ever laid eyes on.

Pink Is For Pining (You, You, Nothing But You) by clotpolesonly

“You know you could just ask him out, right?” Scott asked.

Stiles stuffed the toast in his mouth and hoped he wasn’t blushing. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you have a ginormous crush on him.”

“I do not, shut up,” Stiles hissed as well as he could around a mouthful of toast.

“Your pink hair says differently,” Scott sing-songed at him.

***

In which Stiles is a supremely socially awkward metamorphmagus with a crush, Derek is a quietly pining werewolf, and Scott and Lydia are done with their stubbornness and stupidity.

Starting Now I’m Starting Over by skoosiepants

Stiles is surprised, when he accidentally tumbles into Professor Hale’s legs on a mad dash down the halls, that Derek leans down and scoops him up and…cuddles him into his arms.

Or-

Stiles may or may not have gotten his professorship at Hogwarts because he can turn into a cat.

derek’s magic ships it by trilliastra

It starts with a bang. A bang and then someone cursing and Stiles is up in less than a second.

He just wanted to have a peaceful night of sleep after having to deal with stupid Fifth Years pulling a prank on Madam Morell and she snapping at everyone and everything that moved.

It was a fucking horrible day and he’s so not in the mood to deal with someone breaking into his house.

Especially not this someone. “Derek?” Okay, Stiles had dreams like this before, he admits it. Derek Hale apparating into his house and kissing him breathless and then taking him to bed and fucking him until Stiles couldn’t remember his name? Fuck yeah. But he never really thought it was going to happen.

Love Potion Number Stiles by Menacherie

Genim is eleven, and still Genim, but he's eleven and all his dreams are coming true

Genim is eleven and his eyes are covered by a big hat that talks and all he wants is to be just like his mom, follow her footsteps.

Instead the hat calls out Hufflepuff, but it makes Genim happy because he still has a huge family now, a family that isn’t his by blood, but through loyalty.

Call It Magic by teenwolf-lit

Hogwarts AU in which Stiles is the school's Healer, and Derek is the DADA professor/Quidditch Coach

Hot Summer in Diagon Alley by LadyDrace

Derek pays his usual pre-term visit to Stiles' stationary shop in Diagon Alley, but this year things turn out a little differently than normal.

Veils and Moonbeams by kaistrex (weishen)

The fox scampers towards him and now Derek can make out a scatter of black speckles dotted in its fur, most notably in a distinct pattern across its fluffy white cheeks. The same distinct pattern Derek has spent most of his Hufflepuff/Slytherin classes tracing with his eyes.

Derek stares. Memories from his third-year Transfiguration lessons are coming back to him, about Animagi and identifying marks. But Stiles isn't an Animagus. He can’t be. Stiles is the class clown and there’s no way he would have been able to keep this quiet, not to mention to be an unregistered Animagus would result in time in Azkaban. Stiles may be smart-mouthed and headstrong but he’s not stupid.

Is he?

*

Because if anyone would become an (illegal) Animagus to surprise the boy they liked, it would be Stiles Stilinski.

climbing up the walls with you by trilliastra

It’s pretty much a friends with benefits thing, except Stiles is not sure they are friends. Sure, Derek stopped being a jerk to Scott, he even lets Stiles copy his Potions homework sometimes, but aside from some chit-chat while getting dressed, they don’t really talk much.

Still, sex with Derek?

Brilliant.

A Lion’s Guide To Getting The Badger by whatthefuck

There is no way he, Stiles Stilinski, is going over to the Hufflepuff table to ask Derek Hale to the Yule Ball. Not only is he a glorious seventh year to Stiles' measly fifth, but he could have any member of the student population of Hogwarts on his wonderfully toned arms in three weeks time, so why would he pick Stiles?

The Boy Who Pined by lupus

"That will be your legacy, ‘Derek Hale: The Boy Who Pined’, I like it, it suits you.” “Laura I don’t care if we’re related if you say that out loud ever again, I will shank you.”

Hogwarts AU in which Derek likes Stiles but is too emotionally constipated to actually do anything about it.

it does not do to dwell on dreams (and forget to live) by HaleyElizabeth

After years spent abroad, Derek Hale is called back to the United Kingdom, and offered a job at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as the new Care of Magical Creatures professor. After begrudgingly accepting, Derek quickly realizes that his students are a lot more than he signed up for- one of them in particular.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #104

UPDATE 104: Some Peace for Once

Last time Skitter defeated the Azazel suit all by herself, and that defeat led Dragon to pull all the suits out of Brockton Bay. Now Coil has ordered everyone to stop gallivanting around in their suits, so for once they all have a few free days! Will they be able to enjoy them, or will things happen because there’s no rest for the Worm characters? Let’s see.

Imp wants to throw a part and rub it in a little, show the heroes they can’t do a thing against the villains controlling this city. Wow, that’s a monumentally bad idea, especially because Coil ordered everyone to not be out wearing their costumes. Sure’s going to be suspicious if a bunch of teenagers are partying and using fireworks for no discernable reason. The Travelers wouldn’t mind a party, and neither does Regent, so I really hope the rest of the Undersiders have enough common sense to reject this horrible idea.

Maybe a private party would be fine, though...if they all feel comfortable hanging out without costumes. I can’t imagine the Travelers would want to, though, even though the Undersiders have already seen their faces, if I recall correctly.

Skitter hasn’t been paying attention to the discussion, and here I’m waiting for her to reject the party idea.

I sighed and confessed, “I’m… I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Isn’t that what happens?  The second things start to go right, the next disaster strikes?  Empire Eighty-Eight, Leviathan, The Nine, Dragon…”

Ahahaha, nice, Skitter can see a pattern where it exists. She’s already bracing herself for any trouble that’ll come now that things are supposedly going well. It’s a bit hard to imagine what kind of trouble there’ll be now, though. All major threats are gone and the heroes won’t make a move so soon. Still, something’s going to happen, right? Right?

In Genesis’ opinion, if whatever’ll happen now is very dangerous, then they can’t plan or do anything until they’re attacked, and if it’s not so dangerous, they’ll be able to fight back anyway, so there’s no point in worrying right now. Famous last words, really, but she’s got a point. It’s impossible to predict what exactly is going to happen and it’s not like there are any worldwide threats about to make a move. It’s not like Nilbog’s going to come out of his personal city anytime soon, and Cauldron’s closest forces are heroes, so...yeah, no big threats I can think of.

Nobody else except Grue is nearly as cautious as Skitter, so I’m pretty sure once everyone goes their separate way there’s going to be a few private celebrations. Skitter will be a responsible villainous caretaker and check on her territory, to make sure the recent attack Dragon made didn’t make them so discontent they’ll try to shank her the moment she shows her costumed face around. Hey, they won’t dare to say a word or be discontent once they find out what Skitter did, really. So that’s that. Time for everyone to go their separate ways!

What did it say about me that my metaphors were tending towards that kind of violent imagery?

You’re getting jaded, that’s what it means. After everything that has happened it would be surprising if you weren’t, hah.

Since there’s no TV and she can’t go party around, Regent invites Imp to go play videogames with him, much to Grue’s displeasure. He doesn’t hesitate to start voicing his displeasure, only to get interrupted.

“You’ve said enough!  You don’t want me to celebrate my first legit win where I was actually fucking useful?  Fine!  Don’t want me to go on patrol?  Fine! I’ll accept that shit because I’ll take orders from the guy who actually pays me.  But if you’re going to whine because I want to play video games with a teammate, I’m not going to stand here and listen to it!  Deal!”

Honestly I have to agree with Imp on this one. I definitely can support telling her not to be reckless, or defy Coil’s orders, but telling her not to socialize with a teammate – although it’s Regent, who isn’t really known for having good judgment and careful demeanor – is a tad too much. Let her have this much, pal.

So that’s it. Now they’re all going to do what they can. So I suppose this means this chapter will feature Skitter checking on her territory, unless she gets attacked along the way, but I’m intrigued what she’ll do afterwards.

Since they’re done with Coil’s orders, Trickster decides he’ll go check how Coil’s favor for the Travelers is progressing.

“Don’t get on his case,” Genesis said. “Whatever his plan is, he’s under a lot of pressure right now.  I’d rather wait another few days and then talk about it with him than push it now and risk upsetting him.”

“The difference between us,” Trickster said, terse, “is I’m not willing to wait.”

You know, ever since it was revealed the Travelers really aren’t in the best of terms with each other and with Trickster so many things show that clearly and without any room for doubt. It kind of makes me wonder if in the past I missed any foreshadowing about the state of their group. Perhaps I even missed signs of clear enmity. Sure wouldn’t be the first time I don’t notice something, haha

Once only Heckpuppy, Grue and Skitter are left, Heckpuppy asks if the other two are dating, and when that’s confirmed she sounds smug. Hah! Even she could notice it, I remember she noticed it loooong ago. She’s invited to tag along, as if dear Heckpuppy here would love to be the third wheel in this pair. As if! Of course she rejects the idea. She’ll spend her night taking care of her dogs and playing with them. She really doesn’t like being with people. Nothing too surprising over here, I’d have been even more surprised if she had been willing to stick around with them.

So, date night? Date night! Quite the start for her few free days!

Looks like the main reason Taylor wanted to keep Rachel around is because she wants to avoid talking about how she’s taking over the group’s leadership. I thought it was established Brian didn’t care about that too much? Or at least he didn’t seem bothered. Wasn’t there a conversation about this already? Did I imagine it?

Thank goodness, despite Dragon’s attack it seems the meal was finished. Nobody was able to work properly, but it wasn’t a terrible disaster, so let’s count it as a brief impasse and continue working the next day.

I set two servings worth of the pork onto one plate and put it in the microwave.  “They may come back, but that’ll be a little while coming.  What I’m worried about is my territory.  Were people upset?”

“Yeah,” Sierra said.  “A few people got shocked by those floating flying saucer things.”

“The drones,” I said.  My heart sank a little.  My promise to protect my people had been broken yet again.

Oh for the love of—Taylor Hebert needs to stop blaming herself for everything. I know that’s just how she is, and that showing how the residents of her territory are very important to her, but she really needs to stop torturing herself for it, or at least it needs to stop being integrated onto the text. Compared to everything else that has happened to everybody here, this classifies as a rather minor inconvenience. Getting shocked is not pleasant, but this is Dragon, who would never dare to harm a civilian. Taylor doesn’t have to blame herself for what happened as if the drones went by and chopped a few heads off.

I don’t know, her tendency to blaming herself has happened so often I just am starting to get kind of ticked off by it. Personal taste, pretty much. It just feels to me like every single arc for a while already has to forcibly include that.

Either way, nobody was seriously hurt, and Taylor tells them she’ll have to work from the background. I’m kind of worried how the residents will react when they don’t see Skitter around for a while. They may think she abandoned them. Neither Charlotte nor Sierra are confident about handling things by themselves, too, the main reason that they don’t want to be seen doing work for a criminal. Reasonable, yup. Instead of insisting, Taylor decides to give them money and ask them to get someone who can do it, because she trusts their judgment.

I’m not entirely certain how that’ll go. Not a lot of people are willing to work for a criminal just like that. I suppose there might be a chance of finding someone like that here in the territory, though.

That aside, Taylor also asks them to tell those who fought Dragon’s drones to never do that again, because getting hurt for her sake is not kosher. Reasonable, too. Makes me wonder what kind of people were the ones that fought the drones.

Something I really like of Skitter and her leadership style is that she does her best to listen to her employees’ concerns and shows a sincere desire to leave her doors open to them, wanting to know what they think and feel. That’s something admirable. Charlotte is okay with all this, but I’m pretty sure Sierra would rather bail at some point, so I’m glad that’s an option for her, and I’m sure she’s very glad about that too.

Once they go upstairs, they talk a little about how Taylor handles her employees. It’s a good way, and Grue wishes he could do the same, buuuut nobody wants to work for Grue and Imp because they’re hella intimidating. Who’d have thought the guy with the mask/helmet shaped like a skull and darkness flowing out of him like miasma was intimidating? And Imp is unnerving, hah! But yeah, they’re not getting any employees. Hmmm...the only option would be getting employees through Coil, no? But in that case they’re not Grue’s employees, they’re Coil’s. It’s just not the same, and if Coil ever gets kicked out or defeated, Grue would lose his henchmen too. He’s kind of hopeless when it’s about getting employees.

“Right.  If we had to worry about keeping our employees, it’d be good, because it’d mean we actually had some.  I’m not sure how to get underway on that front.  We’re intimidating.”

“I’m intimidating,” I said, admittedly defensive.

“You are.  But I’d say you’re more intimidating as an idea than you are in person.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Oh, but that’s actually good, no? I mean, it’s what makes the residents actually accept her and not mind too much – nowadays – her presence. I’m sure if she was more standoffish or uncaring they’d be thinking of ways to make her good away. They already showed willingness to fight Dragon’s drones, those same people would try to fight her, wouldn’t they? I bet they would.

“But my point is that people are more likely to run than stick around and talk when I’m approaching.  You can take your bugs off the table, make it clear they aren’t a threat, and people feel less threatened, they’re willing to hear you out.”

“Maybe.  But if that’s the case, don’t give them a chance to run.”

“What?  Pop out from around a corner, scare the living daylights out of them, then offer them a job?”

I had to reread these few lines because I thought I had misread something, but no, I didn’t. Goodness, Taylor, you can’t scare the bejeebers out of someone and then offer them a job. Either they faint on the spot or they leave at the first opportunity. Leaving cards in their apartments is even worse, makes you look like a stalker.

This all brings up the point if the prospective hires can’t deal with a little weird threatening crap from Grue, then they’re not cut for the job. She’s not wrong, but it’s still a tad of a weird recruitment plan, haha. That aside, mercenaries is the other option, but that ensures you’re going to get zero or very low loyalty. It’d be good for Grue and Imp to get employees with a modicum of loyalty. Mercenaries are trained and will cooperate as long as the money is flowing, though, so that’s something to consider, compared to untrained civilians. I guess in the end this all depends on if Grue manages to hire anyone.

Enough talk about villainous stuff, it’s relaxing time, says Taylor! Getting DVDs ready for a night of movies. Brian doesn’t get the message, because he brings up the topic of the leadership of the group. Hah! I suppose Taylor was pressing to watch movies because it meant maybe they wouldn’t talk about this, but it failed. It was a valiant effort. Anyway, Brian asks if she wants to take the leadership permanently, Taylor doesn’t want to. She’s just very concerned.

“When I was getting really obsessive about what I was doing, when I was losing sleep and making mistakes, I deferred control.”

“To Trickster,” Brian said.  I could see a shadow pass over his expression.

“Yeah.  And that’s a bad example because it didn’t work.  It’s just that we both know you’re not getting enough rest. So maybe I can pick up the slack in the meantime.”

She’s right, she’s very right! And among everyone in both teams, Taylor is the only one with competent leadership and planning skills. Sure wouldn’t want to let Trickster plan anything ever again, he’s just not good. Still, this doesn’t make Brian very happy, so Taylor offers them to have some sort of joint leadership so he doesn’t have a heavy burden. Her idea is that she can handle Heckpuppy – not too bad of an idea, they seem to be getting along better, somehow – and anything that involves improvisation, while Brian handles everything else. It’s a good idea! Come on, Brian, take it.

He knows she’s right, but that just makes him feel so bad. Brian has always been in an environment where showing signs of weakness means you’ll get backstabbed, and he has been on the backstabber side more than once. His current demeanor is a bit of a recent development, thanks to Aisha pointing out he was being a major jerk, to put it lightly. This pretty much means he started taking burdens onto himself, trying to help others he works with and watch out for them, and now the tables have turned and boy does he hate that.

“So it isn’t just about me trying to adjust.  Christ, it’s me having my world turned upside down.  It’s others protecting me, others helping me, others covering me in a fight, others taking charge.  Aisha’s the one fixing things for me.”

It’s rather understandable, really. Brian is used to being strong and reliable and ready to tackle anything, both for his own sake and for the sake of those he cares about. Now it’s backwards, everyone’s taking care of him and he perceives himself as not having what’s needed to be reliable or strong anymore. The mental trauma from what Bonesaw did is rather debilitating, yeah, but I’m starting to think maybe he perceives he’s being coddled or something, like they don’t trust him to handle anything and instead push him aside so he’s safer and/or doesn’t get in the way. Of course this would bother him so much.

In his opinion, Taylor seems to be taking for granted things will go well and Coil will fulfill his part of the deal, and then they all will continue to handle their territories, and everything will be peachy keen for a while. He’s pretty wrong about what Taylor’s thinking, that’s just the impression he has, and he’s afraid he won’t be able to help if things go wrong all of a sudden. Leaving aside how things going wrong all of a sudden is almost a certainty, I think Brian’s situation can only go in two ways: either he manages to give help and he realizes he hasn’t lost his touch, or he fails at that and sinks deeper into the disappointment he feels at himself. Hard to predict what it’ll be, though.

Since there’s no point in worrying about dangers that you don’t even know what they are, Taylor repeats everything Genesis said and encourages him to relax until trouble arrives. Not worrying about it is easier said than done, but they do manage to leave it aside for now, just to relax, watch movies, and generally build the romantic relationship that has been teased for so many arcs by now.

Oooh, now that their minds are off the leadership stuff Brian isn’t exactly being coy here! Nobody’s going to watch movies if he keeps dragging fingertips and kissing Taylor like this. Good for them! It’s a bit difficult to know what to say about their romantic moves, as there’s something a tad weird about commentating this as if I’m a two-bit voyeur watching from the corner of the room, so I think I’m cutting this here, haha. Oh well. Continuing next time, with the next chapter.

Next time: next update

[grimelords]

I just realised I wrote up my June playlist and forgot to post it at all, which benefits no one. July coming soon, but for now please enjoy three hours of two month old thoughts on the new Kanye, the Red Dead Redemption soundtrack and two songs about drinking beer.

Ghost Town - Kanye West: Now that the dust has settled around Kanye's month of chaos I can safely say Ye is great and Ghost Town is the best song on it, though it's not a coincidence that the best song is the one where Kanye says the least.

DLZ - TV On The Radio: I've been obsessed with this song for a long time. The combination of the absolutely hypnotising drums and very good cryptic lyrics about impending doom is exactly my shit. Also the whistling right at the very end is a perfect moment.

Hyph Mngo - Joy Orbison: Someone had a thing on twitter the other day that was like 'quote tweet this with a phrase you remember that if you told a younger person they wouldn't understand' and someone said Hyph Mngo and I felt age 100. This song really was such a game changer and that whole wave of stuff like this, Koreless and Jame Blake's EP's around then was such an incredible time to be alive. I am aging decades by the second and will not be around much longer.

The Shootist - Bill Elm & Woody Jackson: I've been thinking about game soundtracks a lot the past month or so for some reason and Red Dead really is an all timer. They did such a great job capturing the whole feeling without it just being a straight Morricone rip-off (though obviously it is mostly a Morricone ripoff).

Touch Me - Wish & Fonda Rae: This song is so fucking good to begin with but then it gets really really good in the middle part and where they just start going hogwild with the sampler on her vocals, and then again at the end when it starts sounding like a Battles song.

In The Vespers - Colin Stetson & Sarah Neufeld: Ever since I finished MGSV again I've been thinking about open-world stealth as a genre and how I'd do it, and this song is really the perfect kind of soundtrack to the game I'm thinking of. It's already got four alert levels built in, all the way from Tense to FUCk and back down to Calming Down But Still Scared.

Human After All - Daft Punk: Human After All is still a beguiling album in sound and vision after all this time. The amount of noise emananating from every single element in this song, and songs like Technologic is just so strange compared to everything they'd done before and since, but I think that's what I like about it. It sounds like it was made in 1979 when electronics were a novelty and everyone accepted that they'd be noisy as hell. Also I had an emotional moment this month while I was driving and listening to this song and reflecting on how we are all, human.. after all.. so who knows what's up with me.

Disparate Youth - Santigold: The production on this song is insane. The drums, the guitar, the bouncing piano, it just has so much momentum the whole way through and holy shit I just realised that the video I was talking about last month that referenced The Holy Mountain that I couldn't remember is L.E.S. Artistes by Santigold what an incredible two for one.

Violence - Parquet Courts: This song has the potential to be embarrassing but it's saved from itself by the specificity of the lyrics and the backing vocals that sound like a smiling swing band saying 'violence is daily life!'.

Jane Says - Jane's Addiction: The steel drum as the central melody line in this is such a strange and beautiful choice and also this song has two chords and no chorus. There are truly one million ways to make a good song.

Heatstroke - Calvin Harris feat. Young Thug, Pharrell Williams, Ariana Grande: I really can't believe I missed this song that came out like a year ago, so thank god my girlfriend told me about it. It's incredible. Everyone is operating at full capacity in this song and the structure is so good, the Pharrell/Thug pre-chorus could be a chorus on its own but then Ariana and Pharrell trade lines foe the actual chorus, amazing. Also when Thugger says 'she got every read bottom like a baboon’ the way the backup says '..baboon' slightly apprehensively cracks me up.

Maximum Black - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: More Bohren, carrying over from last month. This is one of my favourites of theirs, mostly just for the choir sound and the all-time great sax intro at about 4:30. When you start at absolute zero, dialling it up to a 1 sounds like bomb going off.

Dust Bunnies - Kurt Vile: This is like most Kurt Vile songs in that it's sort of just about hanging out and feeling kind of funny, which is a mindset I really relate to.

Here For The Beer - The Sloppy Boys: A bunch of guys from The Birthday Boys have a band now and it's really great. Comedy music is hard but this album is the best kind where it's just dumb ass rock and roll story songs and odes to partying. The way he says 'autographed baseball' makes me laugh every time.

Beer Pressure - Municipal Waste: Anyway that song reminded me of this song, which is almost the exact same song with a slightly different mindset.

Credulous! Credulous! - BATS: There's really something to listening to a song for ten years and then having it suddenly dawn on you one day that it's about an epilleptic 16 year old in the distant past getting treppaned by a mystic and a team of scientists in the present figuring out what happened.

Please Take Your Hand Away - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross: Everyone's (me) always talking about how good The Social Network soundtrack is but nobody's ever talking about how they did a sequel that's just as good and goes for longer than the actual film when they released the nearly 3 hour Girl With The Dragon Tattoo soundtrack a year later. What an achievement!

What Does Your Soul Look Like Part 2 - DJ Shadow: This song is really on a whole nother level. It is really a kind of magic that you can get a 15 minute song out of a two note bassline and a drum loop, but when they're this good it looks easy. The drums especially are just absolutely hypnotising.

One Of One - Kamasi Washington: Kamasi somehow outdid himself on this one my god. The groove in this is just amazing, and the way it twists and turns into something darker and darker before the sun shines through and the hook comes back is incredible. The way the theme comes back all twisted up with strings near the end. Great stuff.

My Exit, Unfair - mewithoutYou: I honestly very nearly got converted in high school just because I was listening to so much mewithoutYou, and it still informs a lot of my religious thoughts. A running theme through a lot of their songs is wrestling with and trying to accept the idea that God has a plan for you that you definitely don't understand and getting extremely upset about it and that's about where I'm at.

Stand - R.E.M.: Apparently this was the theme to a show called Get A Life and it's funny because it really does sound perfect for a 90s tv theme. It sounds like it's two and a half minutes too long. Release the 30 second TV theme version REM.

BFG Division - Mick Gordon: I was watching a guy speedrun Doom on GDQ and the music for that game is so amazing, but it sounds really funy when the whole sppedrun is just clipping through a wall and rocket jumping halfway across the level to trigger the checkpoint. Mick Gordon really nailed this soundtrack, it's a massive part of the atmosphere of the game and it's really the logical expansion of the MIDI themes of the original, it sounds like the original in HD, this is what you thought you were hearing.

Angel's Rest - Marisa Anderson: Marisa Anderson's songs are so loosely structured they often seem dreamed up on the spot, but the sounds and moods seem so carefully considered that the notes themselves aren't so important.

Looks Like I Picked The Wrong Week To Quit Oxygen - Michael Giacchino: If Michael Giacchino doesn't get an Oscar for The Incredibles II soundtrack I'm going to riot. The climax of this is so big I had to stop myself from applauding in the theatre, it's irrepressible.

AM // Radio - Earl Sweatshirt & Wiki: I was having a week where I was really feeling like the phrase "I don't like shit, I don't go outside" and so I suddenly remembered this album. This beat is so, so good. It sounds like nothing else, and it only adds to the alien flavour by giving the second half of the track to an instrumental.

World In Harmony - Adebisi Shank: Adebisi Shank are really the perfect band. They love to have fun and have a big time and they started out with a perfect first album and only got bigger and better by the time they got to the third and broke up. This song is so powerful, and my billionaire dream is to finance a new F-Zero game and get Adebisi Shank back together to do the soundtrack.

Make Luv feat. Oliver Cheatham - Room 5: I'm slowly putting together a playlist of songs that sound like Music Sounds Better With You by Stardust in order to invoke some kind of euphoric 'best night ever' and ascend to heaven but this song is the only other one I have so far.

A Love Supreme Part II: Resolution - John Coltrane Quartet: I don't feel qualified to say anything about A Love Supreme, so I don't think I'm going to. I literally don't know where to start with this. It's damn good music.

"You Got A Killer Scene There, Man..." - Queens Of The Stone Age: This song is a real vibe. This should be a whole genre but I've never really found anything else like it. It's like if The Doors were good I suppose. It's shocking that this song only goes for 5 minutes because it really feels like it could go for 20 and you wouldn't mind. I remember a few years ago I opened this in Audition and slowed it down to 75% and I really recommend it, it makes the whole thing feel as sludgy as I think it's supposed to be and makes all the breaks that much more impactful.

Never Let Me Go - Sarah Blasko: A friend sent me this and said it sounds like a Bond theme and he's absolutely right, especially towards the end where it all starts stacking up. Maybe it would need a bit more brass to be a proper Bond theme but still, I love it.

Protection - Emma Ruth Rundle: I love Emma Ruth Rundle so much and I'm so excited that she's got a new album coming out. The absolute textural thickness she can conjure up in a song like this blows me away. I don't know what it is about her voice but it sounds like the 90s somehow. Does that make sense? This feels like 90s music, like the grunge female songwriter thing went a slightly different way and I love it.​

listen here

[scarlethaki-archived]

                 [  500 MILESTONE FOLLOW FOREVER!!  ]

Hey guys! Due to my heavy school schedule I think it’s better to abstain from doing an art giveaway. I might hold one in April after my semester is finished, but for now I’d like to take some time to appreciate some of the people I follow instead!

Thank you guys so much for your continued interest in Akane. Out of all the muses I’ve had, she’s been the most resilient and I keep coming back to her. I love writing her and I’m incredibly privileged to have found people that love and appreciate her just as much. In April it will be TWO YEARS since I’ve joined the community and I can’t thank all of you enough for supporting both me and my shit-ton of muses.

I’ve tried to include everybody I’ve had significant interaction with at some point or another below! Or I just really like your blog and watch you from afar.

Some words of thanks to:

@xmelodiious -- I’ve thanked you for your kindness in the past and I always will. You’re an amazing person Dee, and the amount of love and effort you put into your creations whether they may be artwork or writing is admirable. Your presence in the community is one that impacts many of us in a positive way and I hope you know how irreplaceable you and your muses are. I know there were some recent incidents that have brought you down, but please remember you are loved and wanted here. Your OCs are made from the heart and that genuine essence surrounding them can never be replicated.  

@saboners -- I owe you a big thanks and a big apology. My ic activity has become limited and many days I feel like not engaging ooc with people either, but I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my school stress and lack of energy to socialize. You have been an amazing friend up until now and one of the biggest things I can appreciate is that even when things aren’t going perfect, we can still have discussions in a loving and levelheaded manner. I value that aspect of our friendship so so much and I’m glad that we’re friends. I also value your portrayal of Sabo and I’m so glad that he and Akane have been able to interact up til now. Your writing always puts a smile on my face. Thank you for always being there, even when I may not deserve it.

@marco-fushicho -- Everything I want to say I’ve said many time before already. You’re such a wonderful writing partner and friend to have and I will always appreciate the impact your characters have had on Akane. You’ve given me the opportunity to explore parts of Akane’s character I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to, and perhaps you feel the same way about that too. Your Marco is probably the best I’ve seen and I can only hope Oda gives him as much justice as you have. Yami too, is a unique but lovely addition to the community. At first I wasn’t too sure about his concept, but that brooding bird grew on me way faster than I anticipated, and I love the relationship between him and Akane just as much as the one between Marco and Akane. I haven’t been able to interact much with Akame yet, but I’m looking forward to it. Thank you for writing with me, and for being an ever-present figure in this community. 

@sabakunoo -- It’s rare for me to click with another writer as fast as I have with you. You’ve only been here for a few months but it somehow feels like you’ve been present in the community for years. Your presence has had a significant impact on not only me, but many others as well. It’s an absolute privilege that I’ve been able to write with you as much as I have and I’m so grateful for it. Out of all the characters for Akane to interact with, I would have never guessed Crocodile would be the one to give me so much excitement and anticipation for what’s to come. I don’t know how these two even happened but I’m so?? down for it?? Villainous characters are so important to have in a writing community, and you write Crocodile with absolute mastery and understanding. I’m so glad you found your way to tumblr and I hope to continue writing with you. You’re a great inspiration for writing and dedication to me (10+ years writing the same character?? what the shit)

@chillin-at-partys-bar -- I know you haven’t been around lately due to life stuff, but just know that I’ll always welcome you with open arms when you return. I can’t thank you enough for all the writing we have done together, and while our ooc friendship is limited I can still appreciate you as a friend I’ve made in the community. Your Shanks has had such an impact on Akane and has helped me explore a part of her character that I wasn’t able to before and that’s something I cherish immensely. Thank you for being so open and welcoming to not only me, but everyone in the community on here. Your presence is valued and I hope to see you around more often in the future.

@unsurpassed -- We haven’t been able to interact much as of late, but I hope you know I still love and appreciate ya. Writing with you has been amazing and getting to explore Akane’s softer side has been an experience to say the least. Your portrayal of Mihawk is absolute perfection and the fact that I’ve been able to write with you is something I consider an honour. Thank you for all the amazing threads and the only relationship that can reduce Akane into a flustered mess. It’s always a pleasure and I hope to continue writing with you in the future.

Lovely Mentions!  ♥

@spottedsoftpaws​​ | @xviridiis​​ | @benn-beckman​​ | @devilslcg | @beastyhound | @xrushii | @alabasti | @fear-fuel-dragon | @heartpiratesorca | @condemnedbysunset | @theflamingcommander | @2-division-commander | @galvxnized | @rubberbastard | @redcni | @xcombustiion | @emerald-miner | @thephoenixtrio | @syfyravalkyrie | @mindaxsassin | @notarealflamingo | @orewahida | @shiapolux | @evils-champion | @worldsmostdangerous | @locum-magneticum | @shibanomi | @winchxgreen | @shipvvright | @7hits | @dcflamingc​ | @eviscxration | @gratixsa | @goggles-of-jake-keir | @sakashiima | @inpluxo | @emeraldowl | @boneavant | @xmalevolence | @mxsicxm | @fierylegacy​

[theconservativebrief]

Ralph Breaks the Internet is a picaresque, a joyous romp through the backwaters of the internet that nevertheless packs a powerful punch. At first blush, I’d say it falls just short of its predecessor, 2012’s wonderful Wreck-It Ralph, but maybe I need to see it five more times before saying anything so bold.

And when I say it’s a “picaresque,” I mean it. Like the novels that bear this genre label, it’s an episodic journey through an unfamiliar place, following a merry band of travelers as they visit various corners of said unfamiliar place.

At first, the adventures of ’80s video game villain Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) and ’00s racer game heroine Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) seem largely disconnected or plot-driven. But little by little, the voyage reveals itself to be plucking at unexamined emotional bonds between the two.

Perhaps the best-known American novel to fall under the definition of “picaresque” is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, a veritable buffet of tropes from all sorts of genres in which Huck and his friend, the escaped slave Jim, float down the Mississippi. As they get deeper and deeper into the South, Jim faces more and more danger, and the humor slowly drains from the book. As the threat to Jim’s life increases, the story becomes about Huck having a moral reckoning with the institution of slavery he’s grown up alongside.

That is … not what Ralph Breaks the Internet is about, but it’s rather remarkable how closely it follows the same structure, as Ralph and Vanellope plumb the depths of the internet in search of a way to purchase a piece of hardware they need to fix her game back at the arcade where they both live.

They riff on eBay and social media and the dark web, and though the movie is crawling with brand names — whether the sight of a giant tower marked “Google” will fill you with delight or dread is open for debate — it’s much more interested in the internet as a place that binds us together than as any specific series of corporate entities. But it’s also interested in how the internet might bind us together too tightly.

Here are three things Ralph Breaks the Internet gets really right about the internet you’re reading these words on right now. (Alas, Vox does not make a cameo in the film.)

Ralph and Vanellope look out upon the wonders of the internet. Disney

For all its weird adoration of brand names, the first scene where Ralph and Vanellope find themselves online is a visual marvel that captures a feeling I haven’t experienced in 20-ish years: the way it feels to hop online for the very first time.

The two step out of their little wifi portal onto a platform overlooking a vast city, darting with traffic. Little Twitter birds pass along JPGs of Grumpy Cat. Amazon and Google tower over the landscape, but there are plenty of other areas to explore too. It’s at once Times Square reimagined in a digital space and a portal to a wider world. Ralph and Vanellope head down into the throngs to find their way to eBay, and the adventure is afoot.

Later, Vanellope muses that the internet seems disconnected from the day/night cycle of the real world; when you’re online, it feels like the sun is always up. And given that the movie is organized around a pretty strict time limit — after winning her replacement part in an eBay auction, Ralph and Vanellope have 24 hours to cough up the money to pay for it — this “always on” quality makes it a bit difficult to keep track of the story. But Vanellope is right, in the sense that Ralph Breaks the Internet captures that weird, buzzy feeling that comes from being online too long, from feeling like there are a million possibilities ahead and you haven’t even come close to exhausting them.

In some ways, this makes the movie’s inability to imagine the online space in a way that goes beyond a very direct representation of it a little disappointing. Yes, that big, bold city is a lot of fun to look at, but its architecture (which is built atop the very real electronic architecture that houses the internet) never quite conveys the wild, “anything can happen” sense of the internet at its best.

And even if the sequence when Vanellope meets all the Disney princesses (which has been heavily teased for months now) is mostly a lot of fun, the corporate synergy turned my stomach just a bit.

If you place all these gags in the context of Ralph Breaks the Internet co-director Rich Moore’s career, however, they make sense. Moore got his big break taking the piss out of pop culture on The Simpsons and Futurama, and the Wreck-It Ralph movies are among the few big-screen films to manage the same joke-a-minute, satirical snap of those TV shows.

The satire’s a little milder here — Disney’s not going to let him truly mock the princesses — but it’s easier to take the jokes about popular brands when Moore’s the one at the helm. He knows just how to lean into the unhinged nature of the web and speed through them fast enough to keep you from feeling too queasy.

Ralph and Vanellope meet a new friend named Shank. Disney

The script for Ralph Breaks the Internet (by co-director Phil Johnston and Pamela Ribon) was written years ago, which makes it a poor fit for, say, critiquing our current, slightly terrifying online world. But even if it were more up-to-the minute, it’s not as though Ralph and Vanellope would blunder down a dark alley and meet a bunch of 4chan Nazis or anything like that.

And the movie does capture the bleaker side of the web all the same, whether that simply involves Ralph seeing a bunch of comments making fun of him or going to visit the dark web, which promises all manner of salacious items for purchase, right down to a creepy, snake-like virus that looks a little like one of the robot squid critters from The Matrix.

Ralph Breaks the Internet doesn’t want to solely portray the internet as a scary place, but I was a little surprised by how dark the movie was willing to go, especially as it entered a third act that isn’t shy about poking at its heroes’ insecurities.

Ralph and Vanellope meet a lot of fun new characters online — including Gal Gadot as Shank, who occupies an online racing game that catches Vanellope’s eye, and Disney regular Alan Tudyk as an old-fashioned search engine named Knowsmore. But it’s easy to see why Ralph keeps trying to turn back toward the arcade, where life is safe and predictable. To paraphrase Linus from A Charlie Brown Christmas, the internet hasn’t only gotten too commercial; it’s gotten too dangerous.

This marks Ralph Breaks the Internet as belonging to a specific subgenre of the picaresque, one that harks to old Hollywood — the story of two small-town kids who set out for the big city and find their friendship tried by what they encounter there. And it’s in that version of itself that Ralph Breaks the Internet ultimately packs its biggest emotional punch.

How is Vanellope not an official Disney princess? Disney

It’s really hard to talk about what ends up linking Ralph Breaks the Internet’s many loose ends in a third act that feels as bold and smart a story about what it means to live online as any we’ve ever come up with, because to do so is to spoil some of the story’s biggest twists. Suffice to say that if you’re at all familiar with the “two friends go to the big city” format, you’ll know that the big city will seek to divide them. And seeing Ralph and Vanellope realize they’re becoming very different people is legitimately heartbreaking.

But it’s everything that follows from that moment that pushes the movie to another level entirely, one that left me a little gobsmacked. Because ultimately, Ralph Breaks the Internet becomes a story about how entirely well-meaning guys can become toxic to their female friends, as well as a story about how hard it can be to realize that even the best of friends might have to take divergent paths to remain happy.

And the film realizes these themes on just about every level. Its script crackles with references to online toxicity (up to and including a pointed mention of a character who wants to “ride in on a white horse” — a nod to the idea of “white knighting,” when a “nice guy” tries, too aggressively, to come to the aid of a woman online). Its images depict how it feels to have all your vulnerabilities exposed for the world to see. And its themes connect in a way that will make sense to just about any viewer, young or old.

Ralph Breaks the Internet, like all good picaresques, meanders a bit during its journey, stopping to take several little detours that aren’t strictly necessary. Most of these detours are fresh and funny; a few tried my patience. But they’re crucial to what ends up being the film’s ultimate emotional effect. Ralph Breaks the Internet is a movie about how easy it is to forget that the internet is made up of people, sometimes even people you love, because it flatters you and batters you and deflates your ego, until you forget about anybody who’s not yourself.

Ralph Breaks the Internet is playing in theaters everywhere.

Original Source -> Ralph Breaks the Internet is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but for the internet

via The Conservative Brief

[samuelrodgersfutureworks-blog]

Story of Khutulun

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/index.cgi?id=822456431891

In the swirling, blood-soaked melee of a 13th-century battle against the Mongol Empire, it wasn’t all that weird to gaze into the ranks of the most overpoweringly-dominant land army ever fielded in human history and notice that, hey, check it out, a couple of the warriors currently massacring all my friends actually happen to be women.   At a time when most of the world’s female population would have just been happy to have the legal right to tell their husbands to stop hitting them, Mongol women were some of the most socially, politically, and militarily badass chicks anywhere on Earth.  They ran cities while the men fought on campaigns, built public works, helped manage the largest land empire of all time, had seats in the Kurulurai (basically Mongol Congress), and even occasionally fought in battle, a detail that was particularly scandalous and unacceptable to writers from Europe, the Middle East, China, and basically any other country that got the fucking piss stomped out of them by the Mongol Horde.

But while it wasn’t particularly bizarre to notice that one or two of the enemy archers may have had a pair of boobs, it was significantly more unsettling to encounter the warrior princess Khutulun on the field of combat.  Because while most warrior women of the Mongol Empire may have been expert snipers, firing their composite bows with deadly precision while riding a horse at a full gallop, Khutulun preferred a significantly more direct approach:  She would charge out at the head of her warriors, ride straight up to the biggest enemy officer she could find, grab that asshole off his horse with a one-armed choke slam, slap him in a fucking half nelson, and drag him back to the Khan while he screamed and pleaded for his men to save him.  Once that fucker was ripped from the battlefield and firmly in the Khan’s custody, Khutulun would go back to her primary combat duty – commanding a regiment of Mongol heavy cavalry.

This is the tale of Genghis Khan’s great-great-granddaughter.

Khutulun never met Genghis, and by the time she was born most of the great Mongol Conquests had already stomped nuts all the way from Beijing to Baghdad, cleaving a bloody smear across the map that ended up becoming the largest contiguous land empire in the history of humanity.  Her father was a Khan named Khaidu, and he ruled a fief of land near the Tian Shan Mountains, which is in the realm of present-day Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan (or however the hell you spell that), and northern China.  Khaidu was from the line of Great Khan Ogodei, who was Genghis’ third son, and Khaidu was basically the last of the old-school badass, “let’s ride our horses over this guy’s ballsack in front of his entire family and then throw all of his compost garbage into a recycling bin” Mongol barbarian motherfuckers who shanked faces first and didn’t want to be asked questions by anyone besides a fast food cashier or his favorite bartender.  As a good Mongol Prince, he constantly asked himself one of the most important questions any man can ever ask himself:  What Would Genghis Do?

The #WWGD lifestyle netted Khaidu tons of land, plunder, death, destruction and mayhem, and it also led to him having fucking 15 children – all of them boys, except for his youngest.  He named his lone daughter Khutulun, meaning either “Bright Moon” or “All White” depending on how you want to translate it, and then proceeded to give her the exact same badass Mongol warrior training he gave to her fourteen older brothers – how to ride a horse, shoot a bow, kill someone with a sword, wrestle, punch, tie knots, milk a yak, build fires, drink blood, sleep in a yurt, and mean-mug motherfuckers who are stupid enough to step to you.

The Princess of the Bright Moon was pretty over-the-top badass at everything she attempted, but out of all the bone-crushing military pursuits she excelled at, she was the most successful when it came to straight-up wrestling.  Having fourteen older brothers is probably a gigantic pain in the genitals, and you can be damn sure that Khutulun learned how to fight pretty early on, but this woman was so hardcore that no man or woman on earth could beat her in a straight up bare-knuckled throwdown.  It didn’t matter how tough you thought you were – this princess was going to hip-toss your dumb ass through a plate glass window onto a campfire and then everyone was going to laugh at you for getting your balls kicked off by a girl.

Now, I should mention that wrestling is the national sport of Mongolia – they fucking love that shit there.  Of the Olympic medals won by Mongolia, over half of them are won in wrestling events.  These are big, tough people who love to fight, and and Mongolian wrestling is intense:

This is literally just two grown men kicking the crap out of each other.  There are no rules in Mongolian wrestling – anything goes.  Bare knuckles, little padding, and there are no weight classes or any of that lame handicapping bullshit.  It’s just two big angry motherfuckers wailing on each other until someone falls down.  Once a guy hits the ground, he’s out.    Thing Greco-Roman wrestling meets Rocky IV.

From a very early age, Khutulun made a name for herself as being completely unbeatable at an ultra-violent sport that involves white-knuckle fucking hand-to-hand combat with a big angry man twice your size.  She was basically Ronda Rousey meets Ann “The Wall” Veal, and every man who stepped into the ring with her found himself getting flipped for real and eating a face-full of dirt.  Mongols loved placing bets on these fights, and the Princess was making a killing by powerbombing fools who underestimated her badass cred.

Once Khutulun reached a certain age, it became time for her to get married off to a nice boy with a killer smile, tons of cash, and an excellent track record of slaughtering the Khan’s enemies on the battlefield.  Khutulun’s dad and mom were pretty desperate for her to get married, because marriage in the middle ages was a good way to link your family in to another powerful family, but Khutulun was a warrior and would only stand to be with a man who was worthy of her badassitude.  In a very Atalanta conversation, she told her folks, “Ok, sure, I’ll get married, but only to a man who can beat me in a wrestling match”.

The Princess was rich, powerful, cool as hell, and apparently very beautiful, and it didn’t take Dad too long to find a bunch of guys willing to throw down for love.  One by one, they found themselves hurtling through the air as she snapped bones and swept legs and basically demolished any wimp idiot who thought he was man enough for her.  After all the good suitors were done, Khutulun issued a general challenge – she’d accept a challenge from any man, but if you lost you had to give her ten horses (a couple conflicting sources say the entry fee was a hundred horses, but think about how many damn horses that is!).  Everyone from foreign Princes to local blacksmiths saw an opportunity to marry into the family of Genghis Fuckin’ Khan, and they came from all around to face her.

When Marco Polo met Khutulun in 1280, she claimed to have a pasture with ten thousand horses.  She was still single.

Pioneering travel book writers Rashid al-Dun, Ibn Bhattuta, and Marco Polo all met Khutulun, and when Marco Polo was there he talks about one foreign prince who arrived at the court of Khan Khaidu looking for the hand of the princess.  This guy was tall, handsome, and successful, and he bet the insane sum of one thousand horses on the match.  Khutulun accepted.  That night, the Prince found the Princess alone, and pleaded with her to throw the fight – please, let me win this one, and I will be so good to you forever.

She looked at him and, according to Polo, said she “would never let herself be vanquished if she could help it,” but that “if, indeed, he could get the better of her then she would gladly be his wife.”  Then she walked away.

They had the match the next day in the Grand Hall of the Khan’s palace.  People from throughout the city and the surrounding villages came to watch.

“The damsel threw him right valiantly on the palace pavement.  And when he found himself thus thrown, and her standing over him, great indeed was his shame and discomfiture.”

Around this time, a Mongol Civil War broke out between Khan Khaidu and his cousin Kublai Khan, who was the ruler of Yuan Dynasty China.  Despite being massively outnumbered and outgunned, Khaidu resented his cousin for going soft, giving up the old Mongol traditions like arm-cleaving and head-popping so that he could become some Buddhist hippie that was into lame things like sleeping on gold-embroidered silks surrounded by sexy naked ladies while consuming delicious food and expensive wine.   The two argued, bickered, then went to war, and Khutulun was brought along to help command the Mongol Heavy Cavalry on the battlefield.  Again, according to Marco Polo, “Not a knight in all his train played such feats of arms as she did.  Sometimes she would quit her father’s side and make a dash at the army of the enemy, and seize some man thereout, as deftly as a hawk pounces on a bird, and carry him to her father.”

Makes sense to me.  If she could hip-check a guy to the turf on level ground, imagine what she could do if she got the drop of you in a live-fire combat situation.

Despite torching some border towns, defeating main line Chinese infantry in battle, and face-shanking Mongol warriors on the field of war, the fighting between the cousins proved indecisive, and really the only thing that came out of it was that the Mongol Empire started to shatter into smaller kingdoms that didn’t wield nearly the same power as Genghis once had.

Khutulun did eventually get married, although not to a guy that beat her in battle.  Instead, she chose her husband – a “lively, tall, good-looking man” named Abtakul who was from a few towns over.  Abtakul was an elite soldier who had been hired by Kublai Khan to kill Khutulun’s dad, but the Khan’s guards caught this guy, threw him in jail, and sentenced him to death by beheading.  Well Abtakul’s mom was so upset her son was going to die that she threw herself at the Khan’s feet and begged that she be killed in her son’s place.  The Khan said “Ok, fine, whatever, as long as someone is decapitated that’s fine with me”, but then Abtakul stepped forward and said “fuck that, no way am I letting my mom die on my behalf.  I will face this like a man”.  The Khan was so impressed with this family that he immediately released Abtakul from jail and hired him to be an officer in the Khan’s army.  Abtakul fought in the war, was wounded in combat, and while he was recuperating in the hospital he met the Princess, who fell in love with him immediately or some shit.  Anyway, that’s the story, and it’s a big deal because medieval women typically weren’t lucky enough to choose who they got to marry.

Khutulun’s father died in 1301, and right before he died he appointed Khutulun to succeed him as the new Khan (technically the female version of a khan is called a Katun).  She declined, because she had fourteen older brothers who were all pretty fucking upset that they’d been passed over for the chiefdom, and instead she made a deal with one of her brothers – I’ll back you in your claim to be Khan, if you’ll let me command your army on the battlefield.

Much like her dad, she didn’t have time for palace life – she wanted combat, like a true badass.

Khutulun did end up taking over as General once her brother became Khan, but she wasn’t commander for very long.  After just five years as the Clan’s military commander, she died, passing away violently at the age of 45.  The sources are unclear whether she fell in battle or was assassinated, but I’d argue both methods are equally badass.