#it’s just like... a weird period of time for me rn. change is happening but idk which way it’s gonna go

[h0neyfreak]

….

[wooahaes]

favors

pairing: non-idol!mingyu x gn!reader [reader has a uterus!!!]

genre: fluff. convenience store worker au. friends to lovers, kind of!

word count: ~0.7k

warnings: menstruation + mentions of reader bleeding through their pants. reader is not referred to with any pronouns or anything. mingyu being obvious w his affection and reader being over his shit.

daisy's notes: u can tell im rly going through it rn huh

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck--Of all the things that could happen today, a bloodstain on your pants was one of the worst.

Thankfully, you were prepared for one part of this. You had period supplies in your bag, and you'd taken care of that issue easily enough. Yet now you were standing in the bathroom, pissed at yourself for not wearing a shirt long enough to hide the stain, or a jacket that you could tie around your waist until you got home. You'd glanced at your phone, frustrated as you tried to figure out a plan. Mingyu would definitely be fine if you told him you needed to run home and change pants (thank fuck you didn't live super far from the convenience store you both worked in). If you walked just right the stain wouldn't be super obvious from the front, but the back of your pants...

Life sucked. Everything sucked.

All too soon, there was a knock at the door, startling you. Mingyu called out your name, and you shut your eyes, already cursing the world.

You cracked the door open, peering at Mingyu's face... only to realize one little thing first. He was wearing a hoodie. He wasn't supposed to, your boss had a weird thing about it despite keeping the store cold as fuck, but the two of you never blabbed.

"I need your jacket."

He stared at you. "What? No--It's cold in here."

"Mingyu," you lowered your voice. "I need your jacket. Just for, like, thirty minutes, max."

"Why do you--"

You glanced toward the storefront, relieved that it was empty, and turned back to him. "I bled and I need to run home and change pants--"

Already, he was unzipping his jacket to hand it over, mumbling something about why didn't you just say that? He had a sister, he understood accidents like this happened. He watched as you pulled the door open further, tying his jacket around your waist before stepping out. Mingyu leaned against the wall, looking you over for a moment.

He smiled, admiring you with this sappy look in his eyes--which you swore you'd seen him have when seeing a puppy once. "Not how I wanted to give you my jacket, but..."

You rolled your eyes. "Uh-huh." Not this shit again. How many times had Mingyu said things like this...? You weren't sure. You started to make your way to the doors, "I'll be fast. If I run, I should take long--"

"You don't have to rush," Mingyu said. "I can handle things. Just take care of yourself. I'll make up an excuse for you," he pulled the door open for you, lingering just behind you with that same stupid grin on his face. Sometimes you hated how handsome he was. "Just go and come back safely."

You furrowed your brow, staring at him. "... What are you doing?"

"Helping you," he smiled. "If you want to make it up to me... You could buy me dinner."

Is now really the time to play this game? "Stop teasing," you took a step outside, turning back to him. "I'll be back--"

"I'm not!" He called out, following you out. "I'm serious. I like you."

For a moment, your mind went blank. Really? Really? Now, of all times? "Oh my god, Mingyu--" You took a few steps back, "Okay--We'll--We'll talk about that one later. I'll be back in a bit!"

He beamed at you, watching you go with that same stupidly handsome smile on his face, happy as ever to see you. Once you had disappeared down the street, he stepped back inside, completely content in his flirting with you again. To be honest, he always had the idea that one day he'd walk you home after work, and he'd notice you shiver, and he'd offer up his jacket... But this worked, too.

(Just ignore the way his heart stopped when you came back, wearing his jacket, and saying something about how he needed to pick where he wanted dinner from... and that you'd be keeping the jacket until the end of your shift.)

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @staranghae @synthetickitsune

[natinkart]

✨️FEM MERCS HEADCANONS✨️ pt 3 SUPPORT

those would be mainly things directly influenced by the gender change, so like personality wise they are pretty much the same as the og

THE BIG FINALE W/ MEDIC, SNIPER AND SPY, oof this one's long and heavy...

*mentions of periods, pregnancy, conceiving and all of that, blame medic and spy, those two are fucked up, and descriptions of resentment towards ones child (it's really heavy but i dont know how to tag it help, i hope this is enough ;-;)*

medic - I like Ludwig as a surname, so she prefers to be called by that (I don't wanna search German names rn). she's bat shit crazy as og medic, so she too, didn't feel "challenged" in medical school and started doing not so legal surgeries. ok now, let's take the weird obsession that og medic has for uteruses but put it through a femminine lens. a woman with a god complex OBSESSED with the concept of reproduction and basically "creating life" is ten times more scary and menacing than the og. I firmly believe she made a procedure on herself to stop her period while keeping her ability to conceive. She just wanted to stop the pain and the bothering bleeding. so no projecting your period cramps on her, sorry 😔. she's one of the few mercs to shave, she cares about her appearance. she has a thoughtful hair and skin routine she's trying to pass to engie. medic and engie are besties. They do girls' nights in the medbay or in engie's lab in which they try to create life from scrap metal and spare body parts. Just girly things, don't worry about it. she needs 3 bottles of beer before starting to feel tipsy, she's not the best drink buddy because trying to keep up with her will most likely bring you comatose. everyone thinks she has big tits but actually, she has a big rib cage and little fat on her chest. She does not correct the others, though, she never showed her full body in the common shower. seeing the team fully naked does not bother her, she just sees future specimens, but others seeing her? that's embarrassing, that will NEVER happen.

sniper - ok, hear me out for the name, but I think Mildred would be cute, but she would prefer to be called Mindy, so her name would be Mindy Mundy. I'm a genius I know. anyway, like og sniper, she had a difficult childhood, always out of place, distant and isolated, like engie but 10 times worse. so she has EVEN WORSE care routine. no wait, correction, she DOES NOT take care of herself WHATSOEVER. she's a greasy, unkept woman with little to no care about her appearance. she has mid back length hair but she cut her front hair with scissors because they get in the way. she prefers to stay with no bra, she finds it restricting. she does sleep in the van and lived out of canned food every time she had work to do. obviously, when employed by RED she kept sleeping in the van but is grateful that heavy, scout and engie are able to cook really good meals, this kind of helped with her health. she knows how to skin animals and have great anatomical knowledge. she's neither shy or introverted, she just doesn't care about others and sometimes she's kinda of a dick, but if she actually talks to you it means that in some way she cares about you. she talks a lot with scout, even if they mainly tear each other apart, both verbally and, sometimes, physically. the fight is usually stopped by heavy or engie, the others either encourage it or do not care. she is a professional so she would never say it but she likes staying with the team, but she does say that the all have their use.

spy - uff.. ok. spy is a complicated one. an arrogant, stubborn, self centred femme fatale. she wear her mask (i'm sorry i don't remember how it's called T.T) that covers her face like og spy, but i want here to wear a neckerchief and sunglasses. she still wears a suit, but it's a woman's suit, so shorter jacket and some other small differences. the main problem with spy is that a relationship between father and son and a mother and daughter one it's REALLY DIFFERENT. if you are the one that suffered for 9 month to give birth to a human being you didn't want, you are not just gonna ignore her for the rest of her life, no, you gonna have pure hatred in you soul for your daughter… the maternal love is so easily obscured by this resentment against the child you feel ruined your life. spy's really spiteful and maybe even malicious against scout and the fact that Jenny keeps her in such high regard would only increase that love-hate sentiment. spy wants to have a loving relationship with her but she connected the very concept of her daughter to that profound hate she had for so much time that she started to loath herself. that hate towards Jenny became toward herself, but she won't admit it so she conceive that feeling behind her "disliking scout". a bond between a mother and their children is so deep that when severed in any way leaves such deep scars and may will never heal. and when your daughter sees you everyday but not her own mother, you know that wound for spy is open to the world to see. she isolates herself from the team to NEVER create a bond with anyone, she's always alone, she must know everything about others and make them scared of her, it's the only way she can keep control on her own emotion. if someone would find out ANYTHING about her she would feel vulnerable, if she bound with ANYONE she would be vulnerable, and she won't allow it. she won't never allow it again. but Jenny is the living manifestation of her vulnerability, the only time in her life in which she was happy, in love, but from where she fled the moment she had a physical representation of that. so no, she doesn't hate scout, she hates herself, she hates that she is vulnerable, that she can't be vulnerable, that she crave a loving relationship with her daughter and the consciousness she fucked everything up. her love for Jenny is so deep inside of her that is impossible to grasp, is at her very core but covered by millions of layers of hate and self loathing, all protected by the mask of a cocky and egoistic woman.

EDIT: you can find the full art line up HERE!!

pt1 | pt2

i really hope you're still here after the depression™️

[elighshutup]

INTRO POST S’PPOSE?

hey! I go by Eligh [ee:-l-ay] she/her, and you might have seen me already on this app🙂‍↕️

[UPDATED]: I finally got an email saying that the shadowban was a mistake and is now un-done; hence I’ll be posting, as always, from my main @edelweissko, and this page, @elighshutup, will be a spare just in case something happens again lol

about me:

a history-econ-german language student from Ukraine | 💬: 🇺🇦🇩🇪🇵🇱🇬🇧 | !!please don‘t adress me in ruzzian language, or even don‘t interact with the blog overall if you are from/support/romanticise the terrorist state!!

fandoms/interests⬇️⬇️⬇️

– Hetalia.

Ironically. On crack. I swear. My brain rotted into a weird relationship with this thing, whereby I hate it but i love it but i hate it you get me. I heavily judge certain canon aspects and enjoy reimagining them; I also love historical hetalia. I often get ideas of Hetalia projects but abandon them halfway and pick new ones up (adhd moment). My favorite Hetalia crap to draw would be reimagined Ukraine, as well as 2p! Ukraine, that personifies Ukrainian resistance; Prussia and Romano (the latter heavily headcanonned too lol) as an otp DON‘T ASK it just happened; and my ocs, amongst whom I‘ve got designs for Georgia, Qirim, Piedmont-Sardinia, etcc. My canon faves aside those mentioned are Poland, UK, Ireland, Germany.

The stuff I create for Hetalia is purely and mostly historical satire, shits and giggles, or just my comfort ship stuff. Take nothing seriously 🙂‍↕️ here‘s some Hetalia stuff I‘ve drawn recently:

– Other fandoms.

Even though at the moment Hetalia is mostly what I draw, I also occasionally fall back into BSD, Naruto, AOT, Houseki no kuni, Yukoku no Moriarty, Vanitas Memoirs XD

– History.

I like (military) history, politics, literature and linguistics a lot; my main areas of interest change rapidly, but amongst those I would highlight some that stuck around for longer, please feel free to dm to talk to me about any of those:

Ukrainian history: any period and timeframe. Literally. It peaks, however, at the liberation struggle of 1917-1921, the Executed Rennaissance of 1920s, the subsequent insurgence/liberation struggle

Irish War of Independence: SHIT PLEASE talk to me about all that madness that happened in Ireland in 1914ish to 1923. Michael Collins. The Squad. The Anglo-Irish Treaty. The Civil War. Pls pls pls. And it‘s especially painfully interesting to see paralels with Ukraine almost at that very time *sigh*

German history: here I would highlight Prussian history and the subsequent German unification; and then (separately in a way), the paramilitary Freikorps in 1920s. Reading a book rn on each of those

Risorgimento Italy: something that I got into recently and still find fascinating

Talvisota/winter war: NJETT MOLOTOFF, NJETT MOLOTOFF i love Finland for this

French history: I‘ll be a bit basic and say French Revolution and Napoleonic Wars, but I rlly need to research more on what happened afterwards ikr

those are main ones, but feel free to talk to me about history in general; Also I often tend to make OC‘s in random history periods or make fanart oh historical figures, watch out

– Music taste.

I have a thing for old war/resistance/marching/patriotic/folk songs, okai? Mostly from the countried above, but just as well Poland, Belarus, Greece, different Balkan countries (this was written listening to turbofolk no shit). As for the bands/artists, lets start with Ukrainian: Кому Вниз, Паліндром, Жадан і Собаки, Хейтспіч, Schmalgauzen; and as for non-Ukrainian: Rammstein, Jann and Måneskin.

socials:

tumblr: @elighshutup | @edelweissko

telegram (ua): https://t.me/elighshutup

discord: edelweissko

feel free to dm or anon me! I need friends at least online

[studentbyday]

Hey guys 👋🏻 Lately even if I sleep well, I've been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and do my work, even if I still can feel excited about certain topics in my field (if they're presented in a different enough, positive context like new research that's happening in my area). @zzzzzestforlife told me that means I'm burnt out and that if I feel like I'm so busy I can't take 5 minutes to do anything extra, I should take a hour to just rest and rejuvenate because you won't actually fall that far behind in just an hour. Proverbially speaking. She actually prescribed that I take the weekend off ���� And I trust her judgment because she knows the pace I work at (read: slower than her) and she's burnt out enough times to recognize the symptoms quickly and take action against it before it gets really out of hand.

So this weekend, I'm just going to rest (with the exception of the little bit of pathology assignment I still have to finish before Monday and reviewing a bit more for the immunology midterm on Wednesday...and a few very light admin tasks...God, as I type this, it's really tempting to just not take a break and keep working this weekend out of fear but I really don't think I should. I should preserve the bit of passion and enthusiasm I still have for my studies and return to them on Monday feeling refreshed enough to keep going, resting each weekend, until the end of the semester because I need to build sustainable habits if I want to take 5 courses / semester next year and come out of it still whole).

And I've kind of forgotten what rest mode is like?? So I need to do a little brainstorm...again. because this list will be a bit smaller and thus less overwhelming (to me in this burnt out state) than the one I shared before and I'll only be picking the activities that will actually be helpful for my current state (e.g. i am not aiming to wake up really early at all this weekend. that just puts unnecessary pressure because i just find that really really hard to do these days as the days get shorter and recently meditating just makes all my anxious thoughts re-surface so I think I need to try more active forms of mindfulness so the full strength of the emotions don't have to hit me and drain me so much). (And I am under no pressure whatsoever to do all of these. Just whatever I feel my body and soul are most called to do in the moment. I've forgotten how to rest in the busy-ness it's so weird...like i actually had to be reminded that real rest is not something you have to try really hard to do and if you do that then it ceases to be real rest, even if you're engaging in a supposedly restful activity. Why did I have to be reminded of something so common sense. I mean, I do know, but still. It's strange, the effect that extended periods of work mode has on the brain...)

Physical movement (pilates/yoga and walking in nature are still my current faves but I only walked in nature and did yoga once this week and my body is starting to complain about it...)

Practice piano (even if I think I suck...the only reason for that would be because I'm out of practice, so the more I practice and the sooner I start practicing, the better I'll sound. I haven't played since summer ended...)

Reading fiction (Maisie Dobbs is reliably calm yet uplifting and it's what I've been reading most of this week so I might continue that, but this weekend I'm going to slow down and get cozy, i.e. away from my desk, while I read)

Yapping with those who are dearest to me

Listening to music that is stimulating in a calming way (rn I'm thinking like slow classical choir stuff haha because you've got the harmony together with occasional notes that sing out above the rest and it's just really satisfying in a calming way...there are also a couple of piano pieces that have that kind of calming vibe like träumerei... There's also slow jazz.)

Do mundane things like the laundry (I need to change my bedding anyway), sorting and folding said laundry (i don't usually like folding haha so Zesty usually does that [thankfully], but i think there will be something extra comforting about the folding patterns this time and there's just a lot still to fold...), washing my water bottle, and basically just cleaning house because the act of moving and seeing all the dirt get gone because of it is therapeutic and a surprisingly good de-stressor

I was also supposed to do my weekly hair mask this weekend which I almost completely forgot about

[rustycopper4use]

OOOOO THAT’S SO COOL!!! I saw Hermes when I looked in the asmr tag for the literal first time and was like. stunned. The design itself is GORGEOUS (I’m a HUGE humanoid-with-animal/monster-body-parts (is there a name for that??) fan) and I didn’t know this was a thing? It’s super unique and I love it DHDHSKS. If you ever get the time I’d love to hear more about these guys or any other ocs you have!! :D

-🪼 (signing off as an anon even though I just followed you LMAO- anyway hiii, nice to meet you :D !!)

ALRIGHT SORRY FIR TYE WAIT

here’s my lecture over my listeners

first up is Hermes he’s the second listener I first design (before I started posting)

This was his orginal design! When first drawing him I thought squid guy(I can’t remember his name for the life of me rn) was the love interest.

Hermes was intented to be mostly fish like and a more confident personality to counteract squids personality

but the notion of Hermes/paradise is just some weird guy with hospital trauma and mother issues was too tempting.

his character as a whole is just basically my own medical trauma.

I like to think with all the different species in his genes that it messed up his immune system and his general body functions

In this case he would constantly get sick and have Cronic stomach issues.

along side he’d have terrible eyesight + astigmatism and like mild breathing issues

his skin reaction to outside damage is quite odd, ever time his body sustained mild injuries his skin repairs itself but changes the way the skin look (ie colour or texture)

however the more extreme cases his skin will become the exact opposite it once was. Example if the patch of skin is scaly it will now become a soft fuzzy feel.

Furthermore the body has a limited amount of change to fix damaged skin/muscle and bone.

think of a hand of cards if the body puts down all of its cards over the extended period of time that area of skin will not repair. Regardless of healing abilities from others, white blood cells that chunk of skin will not heal.

so there is the possibility that Hermes’ could have bone or muscle showing but it hasn’t happened yet.

He wears compression wear to help blood flow through his body.

when choosing his name I did intend to make his name Hermes’ but I thought it be too on the nose but I ended really liking it!

Hermes mom, Arkoff, always gave me a feeling that she treated him more like a pet then anything.

THABKS 🪼 Anon! I will do the others in due time

[seasaltcosmos]

PLEASE PLEASE tell me why leo didn't recognize raph as the nightwatcher oh my gosh, go HAM

OH. BOY. HERE WE. GO.

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY LEO DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE NIGHTWATCHER.

everyone- EVERYONE for years has been calling it "dumb" that in tmnt 2007, casey recognized raph as the nightwatcher, but his own brother didn't. and maybe it was something the writers overlooked or forgot to write out, i don't know, but this is MY hyperfixation and I get to choose the english teacher overanalysis.

let's put this into perspective: leo has been in south america for well over a year. not only did he choose to extend that period, he stopped writing to his family. there's been a lack of communication for months so he has no idea what's been happening. if april didn't find him, he probably would have stayed even longer.

something i noticed is that when leo goes home, he acts like none of his brothers changed or grew the whole time he was gone. it's just "oh, i'm home! back to normal! i'm bro-mom again" and raph is the only one who's actively reminding him that things ARE different, he can't just act like they aren't. but leo doesn't see that, he treats it like "oh the typical Raph Antagonism that's just how he is."

i'm not saying 07!leo's dismissive or sanctimonious, (which lbr he is but that's irrelevant rn) it's more like. when you've been away for college or on a long trip or something, there's that awkwardness of the home you remember vs the home you just came back to. furniture has rearranged, there's new dishes in the cabinets, there's a weird shift in the atmosphere, ygm? maybe you're gonna act like nothing is different, but it totally is and it bugs you for a good while before you can mentally settle back in. (i was away from home for half of 2018 so i can confirm IT WAS WEIRD)

the reason leo doesn't figure out raph is the nightwatcher is because he doesn't recognize that change in him. he sees the same raph he left over a year ago who didn't sneak out and go full red hood, he assumes he just slept all day and did nothing because that's what april told him. that's what everyone believed he was doing. ngl i could speculate that leo was against the nightwatcher because he felt guilty for leaving and someone else had to pick up the slack but that has nothing to do w this.

that's also why casey DID recognize him. he saw how raph changed overtime. raph is the turtle he's closest to and considering his backstory, he would ABSOLUTELY be the first to put two and two together. casey is literally the ONLY CHARACTER raph opens up to right before leo comes back. it's likely casey has been the only one he's actively talked to the whole time and that's also why he realized raph was the nightwatcher. my friend's upset that he and his brothers aren't a team or allowed to fight anymore, then a few weeks later some new mysterious hero appears? gee, that SURE IS A COINCIDENCE.

-

ok i think that's my whole two cents on the "why didnt leo recognize raph" thing-

[rambosgirl]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

Awww I love this!

Five things that make me unique:

I'm very musical! I play the flute, piano, violin, ukulele, and sing.

I'm in college studying a combination of degrees, Animal Science and Psychology

I got married young (barely 20) and I'm loving every minute! (I also want a bunch of kids but pregnancy scares me so we're not gonna for a while) (Specifically I want a bunch of boys and a few girls cause I think it would be ADORABLE to have all the boys be so protective of their sister(s))

I'm such a girly girl. Ball gowns, makeup, frolicking through a meadow, all of it. I also have a tiara collection that takes up MUCH of my closet.

This is kinda weird but like... I get my period every 3 months instead of the usual 1. It's ver interesting in a 'idk what my body is doing - ever' kind of way

Four things I'm super passionate about:

Horse training!! It's what I want to do for my career, and I just feel so alive when I do it. I love building connections and friendships without saying a word, it just feels magical in a way

My family. I come from a family of 7, and we're super close. I have a special connection to all my siblings and parents (who did/are doing an amazing job), I just love them all so much. I know good families are something not everybody has, and that really makes my heart ache for anyone who doesn't have this (If this is you, know that family is something you can build with your friends and that you aren't alone, and I love you)

Going along with the horse training, my dream is to have a family farm where I can run my horse training business but ALSO raise my kids and be at least a little self-sufficient. (you never know when the zombie apocalypse is gonna happen XD) I want horses, cows, and chickens, and I've recently been thinking about goats too... Oh, and I want a big garden and orchard! I love fruits and berries, so lots of those. And flowers too

My religion! I feel like it allows me to be the best version of myself I can be, and the people are so nice :)

Three favorite memories:

My wedding day. It was rough, nothing went as planned bc of the rain we had to switch indoors (I dreamed of getting married at my aunt's ranch for my entire childhood and it didn't happen) we had close to no decorations bc they were at the ranch, just UGH! BUT! The people who came to my wedding were the best, they helped decorate, my dentist actually became the DJ, and I ended up having so much fun with my friends and family. Not to mention, I married my BFF, and now we have a sleepover every night (yay!)

I don't remember much of my childhood, BUT I love every memory I have of playing Barbies with my sisters. We always had the most unhinged plotlines to our games but there was always serious TEA. Looking back it was a fever dream but one I would love to go back to.

Any memory of my old project horses. I built special connections with them, and I love them so much. Especially with this one spicy Appaloosa mare, I would be working with her alone, she was SO wound up, mean, fearful, just everything. But I kept at it and got her to a place where she wasn't afraid anymore, and spending time with her became so peaceful I can't even put it into words. She still had her spicy personality, but to be honest I would not change that about her even if I could. She wouldn't be herself without it. It felt like we were in our own little world. And while I taught her a lot, I feel like she probably taught me so much more (I'm crying rn btw)

Dang, I needed this, thank you so much anon!! ;-;

[hollyisanonymous]

How about uhhhhhhhhhh how about a Warrior Cats Opinion? I haven't read since like vol. 3 of DotC but every time I see someone my age who's read it I'm like *points* MY BRETHEREN

inhales loudly - it took me like 12 hours to get to this solely bc i have SO many opinions on these stupid cat books. like ough i think abt these books more than anyone reasonable should be

anyway here's some culture/biology thoughts on warcats;

i like the idea that the Clans have specific accents between each of them. it's very subtle, and you wouldn't hear it unless you were also from the Clans, but like. there are little differences to their dialects. there's a universal "Clan" accent, of course, but cats born and raised will be able to pick out subtle quirks between each specific Clan.

also it's a pet peeve how the books dont really utilize cat body language or behavior like. at all. adult cats dont meow at each other often irl, allogrooming gets basically forgotten about after arc 1, nobody is nocturnal, like. hm makes me sad. i don't like people who are like "🤓eerm realistically the toms would kill kittens-" because that just seems unnecessary, but i would like the books to take more advantage of the fact that they're CATS!!!!

hey also crazy how they use the term "tom" but not molly???? like female intact cats are called mollies i dont understand why they picked one but not the other. ig tom is a more well known term, but. seems weird and inconsistent to me and i dont like it!!

also like. yes 6 month old cats are roughly adult sized but their proportions are all off so i do still like to see apprentices being referred to as smaller. they're gangly teenagers still!!! same thing with "🤓erm actually 6 mo old cats are sexually mature-" technically yes, but any AFAB child who has gotten their period can get pregnant, too. that does not mean they SHOULD. the amount of people who don't know how animals mature is buckwild to me sjdkdj. like apprentices are VERY easily analogous to human teens. cats aren't technically full adults until 1-1.5 years old. kinda like how humans aren't technically full adults until their mid 20s. hm. crazy.

also i want to know when exactly Clan names switched from the DOTC style of Two Words to the modern version of Prefixsuffix. we have seemingly anachronistic examples - leader names, Windstar's dead kid Emberkit, etc - but for the most part we don't know when the change-over happened and i am SO curious about that. Every other group does not use the naming system that the Clans do and i'm absolutely fascinated with the potential history of it.

ok that's all i got rn ajsksksns ty for enabling my ramblingz :]

[a-lil-strawberry]

Womanly discussion under the thing

Well, for those of you invested in my period adventures, my period finally came and I am not sick like last time, which is great! But now I'm so confused as to why that happened last time (I threw up which rarely happens with me ever, felt feverish and chilled, sat on the toilet for hours, shook like crazy, was in pain in really weird places such as all over my pelvic bone, literally writhed in pain, laid on the bathroom floor unable to move for awhile, then I slept for the rest of the day). I thought if that happened again I should get myself to the ER. I probably should've gone to the ER then. But no rn it's just my average period cramps and aches. But now I'm confused as to why it happened like that last time. I didn't eat anything weird, and even if I did, the pain itself wouldn't have been related to anything to do with food. Also I'm not sexually active or on birth control or any new medications or anything like that. This literally just happened for no reason that I can think of, other than a sudden manifestation of something wrong with me. I just hit the mark of 12 years after my first period, and I've heard that things change at that point, but that's all I have to go off of.

[intersex-questions]

Hey uh.. sorry if this is so rambly and long a lot happened and is going on. Also tw for talk of genitals, mentions of medical abuse and intersexism

So.. my (23 afab) balls dropped on me last April. Didn't know I had them ok lol. Anyways, I already suspected I was intersex for almost a year at that point as well.. the previous summer I was finally able to pull back my clitoral hood (the opening was and is way too small) and it looked /looks exactly like the tip of a penis. (Idk I guess I was in a weird state of denial before April? But I've also delt with a lot of medical gaslighting before so..) but since the ball drop everything's changing. More body hair, acne, appetite, fat n muscle distribution, period gettin weird, etc. Like I'm on a low dose of T which yeah duh testes finally dropped.

I honestly think I flew under the radar at birth. And my puberty was normal all things considered. I've always had a clitoris bigger than normal but I've looked and never found any surgery scars 1. And 2. My family on my dad's side has a VERY long history of medical abuse. We're rightfully VERY suspectful of doctors. Also my mom's a nurse and knows when doctors are bullshitting (sidenote but I actually did need braces and once they were finally off they tried to talk to us to get more work done. It wasn't necessary but they still tried cuz America and Capitalism hurray. She just said hmmm ok and we walked away and I never had another app. with them lmaoo). Anyways, yeah I can totally see this flying under the radar at birth. I didn't take any sorts of medications either growing up n had a pretty normal puberty. I haven't asked them yet tho cuz omg NO that's way too fuckin awkward. I've just been chilling rn for the most part. I also haven't seen the doctor yet cuz I also have my own medical trauma :D! (Also now's just not the time financially) And I know once that's on my medical record it's on my medical record and I'm not ready to deal with doctors not being normal about me.

Just.. Idk what to do right now. I don't even know what I have either. Like, no fuckin clue?? I've tried to research it but medical texts are not easy reads and are often violently intersexist.. I don't even know how to navigate this medically and to keep myself safe from medical abuse when the time comes. All I know is I don't want my testes removed or have any cosmetic surgery to make my genitals more "normal" and that doctors will generally fight me on that. I don't know even know if I want to tell my mother about it? I trust her with other medical stuff she's unironically been a lifesaver before (and helped me navigate through the medical system too) but like 1. One she's my mom that's fuckin awkward and 2. I know her she's going to blame herself. Wonder what she ate/drank while pregnant with me and that the intersexism that I'll face will be her fault. Idk I'm still debating that one

I've talked to friends about it and both my sister and cousin. They've all been amazing and supportive :'). I've found some community and some resources which have been really helpful too. Other then that tho I have no idea where to go from here. So uh yeah..

Thank you for reading this and thank you for your time!! I appreciate it :)

Thank you so much for sharing, and I apologize for answering very late. I appreciate your patience with me and your courage in sharing.

I'm very glad you've found and have a good support system, such as in people like your friends, sister, and cousin. But I hear and sympathize with you on your struggles as well. You aren't obligated to come out as intersex to anyone, and no matter what your reasons are, they are valid. And it can completely be an awkward topic to talk about. Everyone is different in what they are comfortable with talking about, especially regarding topics that delve into sexual health and sexual matters. If you do choose to tell your mom, or anyone for that matter, remember this: You are not responsible for their reactions! If you told your mother and she blames herself for it, that isn't your responsibility, nor is it your fault. You cannot control other's reactions.

I completely empathize with you on how hard it is to find any resources and how hard it is figuring out where to go. When I learned that I was intersex, finding resources was incredibly difficult, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do after that. Was I supposed to tell people? Not tell people? Learn as much as possible and consider it in every medical decision? Not worry about it at all and never consider it? Everyone has a different intersex journey, and I can't tell you what's the right or wrong thing to do. With time and with lived experience, you'll slowly learn more about yourself and what you want to do with your experiences.

This isn't really exactly your experience, but hearing you talk reminded me of this TED talk I've listened to before. Maybe you'll find it interesting or useful.

Again, thank you so much for sharing. I wish you the best of luck during your intersex journey and experience.

[undeadhorse]

dear big C. i need to internalise the idea that when im physically sick w like a flu or whatever that means im gonna have a tough time mentally. bc thats just like, a normal thing. its not a big deal that im depressed rn. its normal, im sick, its really hot today, i didnt get enough sleep, ive had a really stressful week, lots of things in my life are changing, theres some future problems lingering i cant solve today, and im too pent up to make good art. of course im gonna feel a bit fucky wucky and depressed. it will pass! in the mean time i just need to chill and take it easy and have an early night. even if going to bed early is kind of scary bc ive been staying up past midnight for the last decade. and like, theres positive changes happening that are kinda stressful bc im learning how to sleep properly again but its so unfamiliar that my brain thinks something is wrong. its normal to feel sleepy at 9pm! its good even. its normal to wake up at 9am and have a really long time before it gets dark. its okay. its so so so weird to me bc ive been living this semi nocturnal life for years and years without realising how bad i was doing wrt to sleep. im sleepy at 9pm and my brain is like 'whoa alarm bells bitch something is WRONG'. but no thats just like. being sleepy dude.

this is a transitional period. lots of things in my life are changing. its okay and normal to feel stressed. i will feel better in time. i just need to be kind and gentle with myself and keep pushing forward, and look into making adjustments to make things easier for myself.

dear princess celestia, im sleepy.

xoxo, your great and powerful fruity little freakshow, me

[the1975attheirverybest]

I hope this okay to ask feel free to ignore if not but how do you manage to cope with people saying such inflammatory stuff about matty constantly? You seem very adjusted to it, I am usually alright at ignoring it and I know its not true but sometimes I see things people say and I feel a bit sick because that's what people think and what if they think I support that and idk. I get scared there might be truth in it sometimes even though I don't think that and it gets difficult to cope with. I really strongly believe in having nuance in a situation, being critical of the people you enjoy instead of blindly praising them and not putting people on pedestals, which is why I still engage with matty because to me he is a guy who says and does stupid things occasionally like most people realistically do. But people see it so black and white and you're either a good person or you're not and I hate that and it gets to me sometimes.

no worries at all! that's what fandoms are for. to debate and cope with things like this. especially at a weird time that this fandom seems to be in rn.

For me, it's a mixture of different things. The first being that I've tested my own beliefs and so I'm more sure of them than ever. That's part of what I love about being a fan of Matty. He's constantly challenging me. Whenever he does or says something that I personally wouldn't do, I stop and ask myself why. Would I not do it because I think it's wrong? or would I not do it because I have been conditioned to behave a certain way automatically (whether by culture, by upbringing, by societal expectations of women and femininity, etc) and its never occurred to me that there might be an alternative until he just showed me? So, that way, my own thinking is under the microscope, and if something doesn't hold up, I get rid of it, if something remains firm then I have to agree to disagree with him on it (the nepo baby thing is a good example of that. He's just wrong there, lol. Sorry Matty.)

I had a similar moment of doubt to what you're describing when the podcast shitshow happened. Cuz I wasn't entirely disgusted by it. Did I think that some jokes were tone-deaf? Yeah. But I didn't feel AS offended as everyone who was saying they no longer support the band, or their opinion of him has changed forever, or that hes not the same guy who wrote "loving someone" or "love it if we made it" or "jc2005gba" or "people," and hes showing his true colors or whatever. So, I was like "broooo am I the problem? am I blind? is his sexiness making me think that he could do no wrong and its to the detriment of my moral character? so I went back and listened to the podcast THREE FUCKIN TIMES. After some thinking, I felt like okay some jokes really shouldn't have been made, period. Like he fucked up at a handful of moments, BUT the VAST MAJORITY of the reactions were to things taken out of context and were exaggerations of how one SHOULD react. fucking up doesn't mean he's secretly evil and it doesn't cancel out all the good that he's done.

So, I walked away from the whole situation even firmer in my beliefs about what is appropriate and what's not, what I personally stand for as a human, and what I believe about Matty's character. Which is why, when I see that shit that people are saying now, I'm like "they're a bunch of morons." cuz I thought about it and know what's what. I think they did as well maybe they wouldn't be saying half the shit that they are saying. Kissing fans at a show after checking their ID to see that they're of age and after they've consented to it and BEGGED for it is NOT grooming. Saying that he likes hot women is NOT misogynistic, "thank you Kanye very cool" is a LITERAL TWEET by Donald Trump used in an ironic context of a protest song, it's NOT anti-semitic. you see where im going with this...

Does it break my fuckin heart when I see people wishing him relapse and overdosing and death? fuck yeah. This person stopped me from killing myself i don't wanna see people wishing him dead! ESPECIALLY that half the time, I remember that interview moment where he said that he gets nervous when hes not with "my people." like he's aware that hes rough around the edges, he knows it takes a moment to, like, figure out who he is and that not everyone gets it, and he's genuinely grateful to those of us who have given him the space to be himself and who believe in his art enough to take a moment and think about what he does to the point where it makes him feel safe and he doesn't take it for granted. So, to picture him, perhaps scrolling online or whatever and seeing people say this vile shit about him....it makes me sick to my stomach. But I try and deal with it in three ways. 1) I remind myself who Matty truly is (he didn't HAVE to put hijab wearing women in TOOTIME we are literally invisible to popculture i never see myself represented anywhere. we are not considered a demographic at all; he didn't HAVE to write LIIWMI, he didn't HAVE to give airtime to the speech that he gave at the brits in 2019, he doesn't HAVE to go out of his way to support the artists that Dirty Hit supports and keep in touch with young people's concerns, etc) That's Matty. He's always saying that people take girl fandoms for granted but younger female fans are smarter than him and have taught him so much. HE LEARNS from his fans. he doesn't think of us as something has accumulated because of his genius or whatever. 2) I remind myself that this isn't really about Matty at all. These swifties don't believe in being social justice warriors! if they did, they'd be okay with calling out taylor for her mistakes. Or they wouldn't be so nasty as to threaten to listen to her stolen music and stop supporting her re-records. They want justification for their hatred of Matty, and cuz matty's mistakes are so public, they have a lot to use against him. People who use his mistakes and his addiction against him aren't people I should concern myself with. what they believe is worth shit to me. Where do they get off calling him a bad person when they're dragging him for things he didn't even do???? yeah, they can go to hell for all I care. When someone has a legitimate criticism of him, or when he does something actually bad, then I'll listen. Like I did when the pod happened. 3) I live in my happy little bubble, lmao. I SCROLLLL bestie. SCROLLL past them comments. I know that shit is gonna break my heart and ruin my day, so I will not subject my eyeballs to it. At most, if it shows up against my will as it sometimes does on tiktok, I'll remind myself that the stupidity of the human race is kinda funny, I'll laugh about it, imagine Matty's brutal humor making a meme out of it if he were still online, crack myself up. and move on...

Unfortunately, people who don't take the time to actively seek growth remain in their black and white thinking. Just because a massive number of people think something is true, doesn't mean it is. recent political changes across the planet have definitely shown us that there can be great idiocy in greta numbers, lmao. this is no different.

Sorry this is a long ass rant. you were probably looking for a concise and simple response but i just....dont know that there is one, lol. Hope this helps but i know how you feel and it's really hard to remain calm in the face of it all. ohhh god. hopefully it ends soon.

[benefits1986]

tumble dry

The sound of doing the laundry is the sound of music.

Doing laundry with just a single to a few clicks has forever changed my life. When I was taking care of Mom, I had to do a lot of soiled clothes by hand. There even came a time when I had to wash her comforter on my own. I think I was 17 turning 18 then. I remembered watching a KDrama where the ajumma and the noona are washing thick garments by stomping on them. And so, I tried it out.

From being a sheltered bitch, I morphed overnight into this domesticated caregiver. It ain't easy washing the clothes and essentially running the household. While mom taught me the basics with super specific instructions when I was on my own, I just pretended she was beside me. (The race is on in Saigon, baby!) What kept me going was that tiny spark she had when we brought her back home. All I knew was that the best gift I could get on my 18th birthday was to have her back. And so, I got the gift I was praying for loudly and passionately... in silence, of course. Side Note: Mom cried when she was back in her element. She took my two hands, the left and the right. She held them up high and saw they were kinda clean and bright. She reminded me that I have to take care of my hands. I brushed her off, of course. I told her nonchalantly that I got this and she had to mind her business of getting back on track. I reminded her I ain't wasting one year or so stuck at home just to have an unli pity party. :P I'm no domesticated caregiver. I'm but a daughter who had to choose to be my mom's keeper. Period. (Pasintabi: Walang botox hands ko. Wala pa. 'Wag muna kasi aged hands look ugh, but we're officially disintegrating e. Tawang-tawa talaga ako sa mga pakawalang dramarama ng nanay ko to the tune of 'di daw niya ako ginawang anak para ma-stuck sa trabahong-bahay lalo na ma-badly hit hands ko na inalagaan niya. Me: Ma, tigil mo na 'yan. Walang sense.)

And so, we're starting another morning very early as the laundry spins. It's oddly satisfying. The water that rustles is like a vinyl playing with static that's so fantastic. Or is it me settling? OHSHUXXX. LUH. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that there is a lot of shit that took place but as a delulu solulu bitch, I come in peace.

Let this be a lesson that life is but a series of laundry to be done. While it may seem complicated to a perpetual overthinker like me, it just happens. And things usually go well within a timeframe that depends on the load, the water pressure, and of course, the manner by which you place the load inside the tub. While the washing machine is a tool, an upgrade, the basics shouldn't be forgotten. Handwashing is still the best way to take out the dirt, the gunk, and the stains. And so, let's get the laundry of life going, shall we?

PS1: Baby boy-proofing the house is not happening as McQueen will visit our tiny MNL house soon. LUH. I'd have to see him in his element and he's gonna be meeting the doggo babes, too.

PS2: I hope that the incoming storms will spare PH. Seeing Old Manila without too much rubbish is kinda weird and at the same time, kinda saddening. Why so? The informal settlers have been hit pretty bad, but they'll come around again and again. Labo but IYKYK. PS3: Akala mo naman kung anong kaganapan ng labada 'di po ba? Baka wala lang talagang tumutulo sa gripo ng kapurit kong utak rn, kaya napunta tayo dito. LOL. Next stop: washing machine with gingko biloba at halamang gamot na tiklop na lang paglabas kaso malakas masyado sa kuryente. Abangan! PS4: Kaya siguro sobrang ayoko na mag-trabahong bahay is because naubos na talaga pake ko ages ago, noh? LELS. Katamad!

[nepperke]

this is a vent post

so today was a fairly ok day i think. no much things happened. that's great. tho i didn't feel 100% awesome either, like i have for a while now. it's often just an uncomfortable feeling of emptiness with some sadness, or anger sometimes. so as today was not very eventful, nor stressful, i tried to act somewhat more bright, even tho i definitely am not awesome sauce at it. what really suprised me is that this person i sometimes talk to even pointed out that i look happier/calmer, and she is happy about that. what i am guessing from that is that most of the time my shitty mood is actually visible, and that appearing like i do always is normal for others now. it was really weird getting to know that i am actually perceived, and i am not just an invisible spectator of events. and i actually exist and i am a person. (i can't see myself even as a person normally)

change of topics, today i also wanted to distract myself from my general hopelessness. you know, how i now have no dreams, goals, hopes for any aspect of my life, and giving up on and letting go everything slowly. this condition gets especially akward when people ask me what i want to do in the future... like, yes that's happening a lot rn, and it feels terrible. even how today the whole group looked like they all knew what they wanted to do, meanwhile i just gave up on having goals like that at least 3 years ago. and like this i hate what i do every day, and it all also feels pointless.

as i gave up on plenty of things now, probably, what thought is that at least i could mess around, try to enjoy smaller, random things life gives me or something. there are not gonna be a lot of things for me in life, but i could try getting around for a while, pestering people i like a bit more and messing with them in a friendly manner, until i finally decide to let go and disappear. if i ever did that, i would leave many people confused, most likely. but i believe i would just be forgotten under a week or so anyways, and that would be the period of my time where i was known for the most. even tho probably for 1 week still. then everything would go on like it normally would. i am not an important part of this world, and i will never be important. i will only be another stone tossed into the river, forgotten. and so it goes.

i am kind of glad to have this space where i can yell into the void, full of other people, sharing everything with everyone and no one at the same time, as no one will see this anyways. i have only had the habit of looping my thoughts in my head since i remember. there were some times i talked to people, but much less. i really don't want to be a burden to people i care about, at least. i have been a burden for long enough too. they also have their own problems.

[ayvepeedee]

entry seven I forgor

never trust someone with a dissociative disorder to remember .

umm idk when i last updated this but i Think it was like sept oct soooo uh update, i have a TUMOR and its most likely not but COULD be cancer ummm and still with the gf, after the update ill talk abt current events that relates to hir currently, ummm im failing 4 classes and ive officially decided on my major/career but not in my college! i have however been contemplating going to canada!!! umm im besties with my friend aki i bought her and my gf and i lethal company and thats been a recent

uhhhh RECENTS! OF TODAY/LATELY

i have been pretty like mentally exhausted and exhausted in general! im barely passing classes and the ones i am are guaranteed passing cause its music and Woodshop. Fuck woodshop hope it dies! i talked to my doctor i was on birth control for periods and she recommended i stay off until i talk to a surgeon to have SURGERY and what they decide dictates if i still should but ive been put onnnnnnnum nausea meds and migraine meds !

uhhh abt my gf stuff, specifically today

shi has been feeling weird lately and today was like that kinda breaking point, shi has someone in front that manages episodes (mania depressive ect) nd shi thinks something bad is gonna happen soon and i feel bad cause i feel like shi should be happy cause shi deserves it all! i know that doesnt just happen but shi deserves to be happy shis been thru a lot and i care about hir!!!! so i let hir know once shi was sleeping that shi can talk to me about stuff, or shi doesnt have to! cause talking to an app with a bunch of people that are unbiased and dont know you va your boyfriend biased and knows you is different! and i get how shi might want both, one or the other, or neither maybe! but i still want hir to know im there and that i care!

gf stuff, not just today

lately shis been tiring me and doing things shi wants to do and like when im not interested in things i dont wanna be mean about it just Don't wanna do it and i don't want hir to think i dont care cause i do i just don't wanna do it myself when shi could do it when its something shis talking to me about but also last time we talked about something together i said hey i need reassurance a lot and shi did it twice and hasn't done it again and i just don't like feel like that easy i need that reassurance helllooooo tumblr user ayvepeedee here !!!! and shis my safe person but its like ill always overthink that'll never change !!!!

i was in a call with my gf and aki for 500 HOURS can you believe that! it was SO DRAINING but it was really fun! it made me sad when they'd hang without me cause id be at school or i was tired but they were nice to be around! theyre my besties i love them

i.ummm have missed A Bit of school causeof my doctor stuff! and im gonna keep doing that :( like if i end up getting surgery for my tumor it'll probably be in a school day and thats likr at least a day or two or more of rest cause like my tumors in my boob and i have to be REALLY careful in that area rn and after surgery it'll be extra sensitive for a while and im kinda a rough person so ive been less rough but like ACK! IM LIKE ZONING OUT WHILE WRITING THIS IS ENOUGH BYYYEEEE!!!! :3