#it’s funny cause I’ve never really been much of a gardening sim person

[kyngsnake]

hey babe are you okay i see you’ve been recreating your OCs in hit 2006 video game Viva Piñata

[redsdesktop]

HTF: One Last Night

Pairings: Technically Splendid x Flippy w/ Splendont being cucked.

Warnings: Heartbreak.

AU: Grown ups of the Childhood AU stories I've written. Can be canon to that story. I guess like a dating sim that AU has several different endings depending on which route you take.

Prompt: 82. "I hope he will make you happy."

This evening was bittersweet. Everything was perfect, everything went off without a hitch and the man Splendont had love since childhood was happy.

He should be happy too, knowing that Flippy got what he always wanted. For Flippy, it was the only reason Splendont agreed to come tonight, despite wanting to be selfish and hide away in denial.He'd spent years upon years pining after the green-haired male, who had promised him everything he could dream of. Happiness, a life without loneliness, and someone who would make him feel like he was important no matter how sub-par his efforts seemed to be in comparison to his twin. Every time he doubted himself, Flippy was there when no one else was and Splendont had thought that it would always be that way. That was where he'd thought wrong, he should've known that all good things had to come to an end. He tried to fight against it, to hold on to the one person that actually saw him other than Splendid's twin.

He leaned his elbows against the railing, lifting his head to look up at the moon, even it was full and bright tonight. The sky clear of clouds, revealing the array of diamond stars sprinkled out over the velvet night sky, it just made his chest ache even worse. He could recall the times he and Flippy would lay out in the grass during the summer when they didn't have school, they'd stare up at the stars in wonder. Flippy would try to point out the constellations to him, but Splendont could never really see them, but he pretended to just so Flippy would continue talking. Just listening to his voice talking about something he loved made him warm, making him wonder what he sounded like when he talked about Splendont to other people. Would he speak with a smile on his soft lips and enthusiasm making his green eyes light up?

A sigh left him and he lowered his gaze to his abandoned glass of champagne, he had hoped to get a little intoxicated tonight but he held no motivation for it, even after all he'd gone through. Suffering in silence while plastering a smile on his face, pretending that everything was okay. Nothing had been for months now as he watched everything fall apart before his eyes, all his dreams shattered along with his heart. Yet, Flippy seemed oblivious to the torment Splendont had to go through, he couldn't blame the man, he was wrapped up in his own life. Still though, he dragged Splendont along for the ride, sometimes he could pretend nothing was wrong. Other times, he wanted to just disappear to avoid this hellish sort of suffering. Not yet. Not until he made sure Flippy was happy, was set in his life, he wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror otherwise.

For him, the world was falling apart ever since that day. The day where he'd gone out to lunch with Flippy, something they had done every Wednesday when Flippy had a lunch break from work. It was the day Splendont had looked forward to each week. It was just the two of them, where Splendont hadn't needed to compete for Flippy's attention. Even then, he hadn't been safe, as Flippy held up his hand to show off a silver band wrapped around his finger. It was strange how a simple piece of metal could ruin his entire life, but the connotations behind it were devastating.

Splendid had beat him again.

He'd stuck around, Flippy insisting he participate in the wedding. Every single piece he was involved in was like a needle stabbed into his heart while smiling the entire time as if he wasn't dying a little every time Flippy looked over to Splendid. Planned had been unbearable, but the wedding itself had been downright excruciating. It had taken all his willpower not to protest when the time came, biting his own tongue until he tasted blood. Rings were exchanged, a kiss from someone other than himself was placed on Flippy's lips, sealing their fate. Why had he ever hoped he'd be more than second best? He had thought maybe, possibly, Flippy had seen him as something more. He felt like he should be angry, but he couldn't find it in his broken heart to do so, not when Flippy seemed so be having the best day of his life.

After the ceremony, they had taken pictures, dressed to the nines and brimming with happiness. It made him wonder if the pictures would reflect the sadness that lingered in his red eyes despite the smile plastered on his face. He hoped not, he wanted Flippy to remember him as a man who loved him. He never wanted the other man to realize just how broken he'd become, to enjoy his life without regrets. To look back in the past when he was older and smile at remembering Splendont. As a good friend, but nothing more.Splendont poured the champagne out of his glass out over the railing to the garden below, half tempted to throw the glass itself so something else could feel how he felt on the inside.However, he wouldn't wish this sort of pain onto anyone, even he couldn't be that cruel.

A touch to his hand stirred him from his somber thoughts, turning his head to view the source of all his suffering. Flippy stood there, looking up at him with concern, making him want to fall apart in this man's hands. He couldn't, he wouldn't. He loved him far too much to stain this perfect day. "Are you alright?" Flippy asked as if finally clued in to what Splendont had been feeling, his voice soft and welcoming. The things Splendont had spilled to this man late at night when it was just the two of them. Feelings he exposed to no one else and yet he'd held back certain feelings. Feelings that had cost him everything. Splendont offered a small half-smile, turning to face the other in attempts to soothe away the concern. He was going to miss this sight most of all, light green hair slightly tussled and cheeks flushed from dancing the night away with a smile that caused those endearing cheeks to dimple just right.

Splendont raised his hands, cupping Flippy's soft face within his slightly calloused palms. In that moment, he was holding his entire world, the sun that brought him such light and happiness into his life. He knew he'd been blessed, but nothing would ever last. Leaning forward, Splendont closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Flippy's forehead, letting himself linger there for a while. The smell of Flippy filling him, wanting to brand everything about this shorter male into his memory so he'd never forget. When he finally pulled back, he opened his eyes to look down at the face looking up at him with even more worry. It was funny how one look could make him happy and hurt him all at the same time, all the more reason why he couldn't stick around.

"I hope he makes you happy, Flippy." Splendont replied finally, his soft words falling into the night air as the music inside the building died. He could hear a voice from inside calling for Flippy, Splendid was looking for his newly-titled- husband. Splendont withdrew and turned his eyes back to the night sky as Splendid finally found Flippy and pulled him back inside for a toast. Flippy reached for the red-haired twin but only his fingertips brushed against the suit fabric of Splendont's clothes, missing him. It would be the last time he saw Splendont.

But sometimes, at night, when the world was fast asleep. Flippy would look up at the stars and he could feel something, someone, looking back at him.

[magic-magpie]

Forever Yours, Prompto

Sheesh, I haven’t been on in a while. I just haven’t had the motivation to write or anything, and so I kinda stopped going on Tumblr ‘cause then I’d feel bad for not writing. Not that I need to write, but I want to. But I’ve finally written something! I’ve gotten hella into FFXV, and Promptis has become my favourite ship of the series (I guess that was to be expected... the character dynamics are strikingly similar to my OTP of all time). I just love they way they interact and the brilliant, wholesome friendship they share! And yes, I do wish they’d be more than friends. Idk, I just feel like they’d be a really awesome couple. I’m not past Chapter Eight yet, though. But anyway, have this little Promptis fanfic I wrote! It’s an idea I’ve wanted to do for so long, but I’ve only just now been able to execute it. First time writing for FFXV, so my characterisation’s probably not perfect. Prompto’s incredibly similar to America from Hetalia though, and I write America frequently enough, so hopefully the characterisation works! Words - 1,883 Also, imagine the strikethrough stuff to be like actual scribble-outs.

Dear Noctis To Noctis Hey Noctis Hey Noct,

Okay, so, um, I’m writing this in the dead of the night outside of the tent using my torch ‘cause why not, eh? I mean, I don’t WANT to write out here (it’s cold and dark and SHIT I THINK A SPIDER CRAWLED ONTO MY ROCK FUCKING SHIT I JUST MOVED TO A TREE STUMP HOLY SHIT IF I WOKE ANY OF YOU GUYS UP I’M SORRY OKAY NOW WHERE WAS I) but writing out here where none of you know I’m writing is kinda safer, don’t ya think? (haha that transition tho) If I was writing some poetry or story or whatever I wouldn’t have to hide it so much, but it’s... not that. D’ya remember when we DID do that kinda stuff, back in high school? We’d make up lame-ass stories on the rooftop at lunchtime, trying to make weirder and weirder ones. I remember, my favourite was the one about the boy named Alaric Wrye who was actually a wolf in disguise and would sneak out every full moon to howl at the night but then his parents found out and so he was sent to the Wolf Institution to become a fully-fledged wolf and had to take a whole load of wolf tests and shit and then when he finally became a wolf he was crowned King of the Wolves and everyone had to bow down to him and – 

I kinda just realised how WEIRD that story is.

I think your favourite was the one about the small ant who wanted to be a super-duper famous singer so he made a rock band and started playing in gardens and stuff but then he grew enough of a following to start doing world tours and basically this small ant band was like hella famous in the human world but because none of the humans could see him properly ‘cause he’s tiny he took drugs to make himself massive but the drugs kinda killed him so he died as a massive-ass ant.

Yeah, that’s pretty weird too.

...Why am I talking about stories again? I’m not even WRITING a story. I’m writing a letter. To you. You’re not ever going to see it, but it’s for you.

Man, this is weird.

Well, I guess you’re wondering why I’m writing this, huh? Well, you WOULD be, if I gave it to you. But I’m not going to. I guess Ignis would call this a waste of his paper, but it’s only one sheet!

Okay, maybe it’s a little more. But STILL.

...Am I EVER going to start on why I’m writing this? I SHOULD, but, like... even the thought of WRITING it makes me nervous. Writing it would be like... making it definite. Absolute. Certain. That kind of thing. Currently, I can still pretend it’s not happening. I can still pretend I’m not thinking these thoughts, I’m not feeling these feelings. The thought of putting it down, of writing it in stone (or, well, paper) makes my stomach go all weird. Y’know how people talk about getting butterflies in your stomach? Yeah, I’ve got a whole KALEIDOSCOPE (yup, the word for a group of butterflies actually is ‘kaleidoscope’! I found that out, uh... two minutes ago).  

Having a kaleidoscope of butterflies inside your stomach is a WEIRD sensation, lemme tell ya. Like, imagine if EVERY time I hugged you the kaleidoscope started fluttering wildly and made you feel the things those protagonists of bad dating sims feel (although it’s impossible to be as cheesy and awful as that ‘Namco High’ dating sim. God, that was HILARIOUS. And terrible. But funny. I can’t believe we stayed up all night playing that shitty-ass game. We could’ve played King’s Knight or Mario Kart, but nope, we play shitty dating sims.).

...I just gave it away, didn’t I.

Anyway, as I guess you’ve guessed (or WOULD guess if you were actually gonna read this), I... love you like you think you’re hot want to date you want to kiss you want to just do stupid romantic stuff with you

Ah, fuck.

Okay, now I’m ACTUALLY going to say it. Just... gimme a minute.

Well, I just walked around the haven about twelve times and scrunched up the paper and threw it and then ran to get it back and almost got into a fight with some daemons but here we are.

I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say it.

Look, Noct. You’re my best friend, and the best person I know (don’t tell Ignis and Gladio). You’re funny (sometimes unintentionally), nice, fun to be with, and have really great hair. I guess it was only natural that I... started to like you.

Not like as in friend-like (although I still like you like a friend too), but like as in... like-like. As in, I want to go on stupid dates and randomly kiss you and cuddle when we have to share a bed and stroke your hair and give you flowers and wear each other’s clothes and touch our foreheads together and do those nose bump things and just do everything I’ve wanted to do for years now.

There. I said it.

...Why don’t I feel better? Why do I just feel WORSE? That wasn’t supposed to happen! I was supposed to confess everything into this letter and then I’d feel unburdened and I’d be able to finally let go of these goddamn feelings for you!

Oh. Right. It’s because I’ve liked you for years and my stupid heart’s become too attached to you.

I looked up stuff on how to get over your best friend, but it was all pretty unhelpful. They were all telling me to distance myself for a while! Um, no thanks. First of all, I don’t WANT to distance myself. Like I said, you’re the best person I know. Why would I want to spend any less time with my favourite person?! That would just be... boring. And second of all, I can’t distance myself, even if I wanted to. We share a TENT.

So... yeah. I like you. I like you too much, and I KNOW I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it! I’m really sorry, but I... just can’t.

I want to tell you upfront, I really do. But I don’t know whether you like me back. Sometimes I get these little feelings that you do. I dunno, sometimes I just catch you looking at me with this odd little smile on your face and then you’ll suddenly look away... or sometimes you’ll be a bit more touchy-feely than you need to be... and you tend to gravitate towards me whilst we’re walking... and you always seem to be closer to me than friends should be in a tent. But then, well, I’m probably misinterpreting all that because I so desperately want you to like me too. It’s confusing, isn’t it?

And then, well, if you don’t like me back, confessing to you would just be a dick move.

YOU wouldn’t class it as a dick move. Hell, you’d be pretty chill about it. But... I would. You’ve got so much on your shoulders right now. King Regis was murdered, Insomnia fell, Jared was killed, you’re going to get married, we’ve got to take back Insomnia, you’re pretty much the King... the list goes on. I know you, Noct. You’d feel guilty over rejecting me, and it’d weigh on your mind more than you care to admit.

Especially because, well... ‘cause you’re getting married.

I don’t know if you love Lady Luna, I don’t know if you love me, I don’t know if you love anyone at all. But I do know that you’re getting married to Lady Luna, not me. And if I ruined your special day with a stupid confession, I’d hate myself for it. It’s your special day where people are celebrating your marriage. That’s a day that’s supposed to make you happy, and it will, even if you’re not in love with Lady Luna (and if you are, then you’ll be on Cloud Nine!). She’s your friend, and you’ll be happy with her. I don’t want you to look at me on your wedding day with pity, I don’t want you to look at me and remember that I’m not enjoying the day as much as I should be.

So I’m not going to tell you how I feel. I’m just going to... just going to bottle it up and act like I always do!

Although, I get the feeling that my normal actions don’t cover it up well. I mean, I don’t think YOU’VE guessed (you’re kinda as emotionally-perceptive as a rock), but I feel like Ignis has, and maybe even Gladio. They haven’t said anything, but, like, I dunno, they just give me these... looks, sometimes. Like, I’ll just be leaning on you whilst playing King’s Knight and Ignis will just kind of... smile? It’s a small, tiny thing, but he still does it, I swear on the Six. And then I’m SURE that both of them just sorta... glance at me whenever we start talking about your wedding. I might be imagining things, but... I swear I’m not. So, like, I try to remove suspicion. Whaddaya think all that stuff with Cindy is? Yeah, she’s cool and nice and pretty hot and would probably be fun to date, but it wouldn’t be half as awesome as dating you would be. I just gush over her so that you’ll actually believe I’m head over heels for her instead of, well, you.

Come ON, we’d be so awesome together! We could go on dates to the arcade and order pizza at three in the morning and stay up watching shitty movies and I know we already do that but we could do it as boyfriends instead of best friends and I just 

...Sorry. Haha, I’ve gotta work on keeping my fantasies in check, huh?

...I wish I was the one getting married to you.

Okay, right! I guess that’s, er, my confession done then! I’ve written my feelings in a letter addressed to you which you’re never ever going to read, and so I should stop wanting you so badly!

...I’m never going to stop, am I?

But... even if I’m never going to stop liking you, I’m still going to be your best friend. I’m still going to do stupid stuff with you and take funny pictures and loudly sing terrible songs at one in the morning. I’m never going to be the one who you kiss, but dammit, I’m going to be the greatest best friend ever! And on your wedding, I’ll be the best best man Eos has ever seen.

Because loving you means accepting that I’ll never be anything more than a best friend. But it also means finding happiness and enjoying the special bond we do have.

Well, that’s that. I was going to throw this away into the lake, but... I think I’ll keep it. Just, don’t wear my jacket, yeah? And ESPECIALLY don’t check my front pocket. I’m warning you, Noct!

Love From Yours sincerely Best wishes Forever yours,

Prompto ✌ 

P.S. Sorry about the wet patches. They’re... not rain.

[awesimz]

Episode 1: New Beginnings and Bitter Disapointments

Welcome to my brand new Sims 3 Challenge: The Amazon Challenge. Some of you might recognize my username or maybe just my style of legacy storytelling from the Iridescence Legacy, which unfortunately now has so many damn problems (corrupt save file, deleted photos from both online and off) that there’s really no salvaging it anymore. And on my last generation too - I was so convinced I was going to finally finish one, but alas, lol. Anyway, I decided to move from LJ to here because of the BS anti-LGBT TOS they’re implementing, but it was probably a good idea anyway as tumblr seems a bit more popular with the simming community nowadays :)

Anyway, let’s dive right in, shall we? 

Meet our Founder, Xena. Yes, I know Xena was not an Amazon but listen, I am obsessed anyway and besides, she was fucking tall enough to be one, lol. Regardless, our tribe leader Xena has a much different personality anyway, and is a brave and flirty diva who is both a perfectionist and athletic. Her LTW is Perfect Mind, Perfect Body.

Oh yes, and she is also a werewolf, and the tattoo on her back is representative of her royal bloodline and position as the head of the pack tribe. As such, a heiress must also be a werewolf that has the most ‘approved’ traits listed on the challenge. That means someone who might become heiress can also be knocked from their rank by a younger sibling that is more worthy than the previous. 

But moving on, no tribe would be complete without at least one male slave to do all of the dirty work so our Warrior Princess Queen never has to lift a finger to do literally anything, lol.

Xena: Hello, I am interested in speaking to your owner. Is she around?

Thornton: I’m sorry... my what? Xena: Oh, nevermind. I don’t know why I bother to speak to the help anyway, you all end up having a lower IQ than a bloody moth.

Xena: Hello, I am interested in procuring your male servant for the purposes of furthering the betterment of my Amazonian Tribe.  Morgana: You... mean my husband? Xena: If that’s what you kids call slaves now a days, sure.

Morgana: Wait, so you mean to tell me that you would take my annoying husband off my hands and leave me with his immense fortune? Yeah, yeah... I can picture that happening.

Morgana: Yup, actually that sounds absolutely perfect. Have at it, and tell him to not bother saying goodbye because he was nothing more than a sugar daddy anyway. Xena: Lovely. Pleasure doing business with you.

Xena: Alright, Daor, now that I’ve shaved those awful sideburns off your face and put you in an outfit more fit for a slave, I now require you to build me an abode. Get to it! Daor: Wait, what? Daor? My name is-- Xena: I’m sorry, did I stutter? I’ll call you whatever I damn well please, now do what I say before I decide you’re not worth my effort and procure a different slave!

Don’t get too attached to this shit - I end up moving them to a different town eventually since originally I wanted them in isla paradiso but my game was acting weird. I eventually fixed the issue though, but we’ll get to that later.

Since I don’t allow my Tribe Leader to work because honestly, a Queen should never have to work a day in their lives lmao, and since slaves can’t work either, they’re pretty effing poor and I make Daor collect shit on the regular just so they can make a little bit of money, haha.

He seems to enjoy it though. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.

Xena found a friend as well! I decided he is now the tribe’s mascot and named him Guapo, lol.

Daor is working on his gardening skills as well because, again, they are poor as fucking dirt.

He also fishes, but he kinda sucks at it. I mean honestly, how is that tiny thing supposed to feed anyone? Ugh. Men.

Anyway, an Amazonian Tribe isn’t complete without more women, so I sent Xena out to scour the town for their first recruit, who ended up being easily impressed, a natural cook, ambitious, and a daredevil who had commitment issues.

Xena: Hello there, you look utterly helpless and in need of a direction in life. May I interest you in joining my Amazonian tribe? Lesbianism is not required but heavily encouraged - just not with me because let’s face it, I’m way out of your league right now it’s not even funny.

Random Woman: Oh wow, I’m super flattered; I’ve never been a lesbian before! By the way, my name is– Xena: Why do people keep trying to tell me their names? No, I don’t care. Your name is Euryleia now. Learn to love it, because I don’t have time to listen to incessant whining over tribal names.

Xena: By the way, you’re going to have fix... all of that if you ever plan to move up in rank. We are vain by nature, or maybe I’m just a superficial bitch by nature, but either way. You’re going to have to go get yourself a job though, because we can’t afford your damn gym membership right now.

Euryleia: I will go get a job right away then, Mistress! Xena: Good. I like people who can take direction. Also people who call me mistress. That will be allowed to continue, by the way.

So Euryleia went out and got herself a part time job, as that is all that is allowed at her rank. The money is still shit, but at least it’s better than nothing.

He is literally the worst slave ever, lol.

As punishment for burning the food, I made a starving Daor stand way in the back and watch everyone else eat the food that he finally managed to make halfway decent. 

Xena: You know what would be better than this place? An island.  Euryleia: I agr-- Xena: I’m sorry, did I say I was asking for opinions? I’m just musing right now, so eat your food and stay silent.

I took pity on Daor and let him eat a mushroom, even though he looks like he’s trying to smoke it, haha.

The next day the two Amazons hit the gym so Xena could work on her LTW and  Euryleia could attempt to lose a little bit of weight so she could move up in rank at some point.

Xena: Oh stop whining, it’s not that difficult! Euryleia: But Mistress, my legs are not cooperating!

Who the fuck just leaves their newborn baby on the floor of the gym?

Xena: Actually, that’s not a bad id--

No, that is not how you’re going to get rid of your male children. Hush.

GUYS GUYS IT LOOKS LIKE ARGO! (people who have never seen xena are probably like wtf are you on about but trust me this is awesome, lol)

Xena: So I’ve been thinking about moving somewhere with some sun 24/7. Thoughts?

Euryleia: Oh yes, Mistress, I adore sun!

Xena: Good, cause honestly the thought of having to buy you all outerwear so you can survive the winter didn’t sound like a fun idea to me. We leave in the morning.

Yeah, I put a lot more effort into this lot. I won’t show you the insides of the houses though, as I totally prioritized the outside over the inside right now, lol. Everything is pretty bare and minimal.

Guapo finally got a cage though!

And Daor gets... a tent. Lmao.

Xena: I have to say, Euryleia, I commend you on your progress. You have lost a significant amount of weight and as I am a vain asshole, this is something I care greatly about because I only give a shit about people’s appearances and not who they are on the inside.

Euryleia: Oh thank you, Mistress, I am flattered! Does that mean you might consider me as a potential mate or, better yet, an occasional fuck buddy because commitment is for old people and religious folk? Xena: ...Don’t push it. 

DAOR HOW ARE YOU THIS FUCKING USELESS JFC

At least Xena’s brave enough to put it out.

Xena: That’s right, I’m just your everyday hero. With fantastic guns.

Xena: I am so sick of you! One more misstep and I will drown you in the sacrificial well! Daor: But... we don’t have a sacrificial well. Xena: I. Will. Build. One. Daor: *gulps*

If we could ever afford it, anyway.

Moving on though, another thing that a tribe needs is heirs, and for that we need a disposable piece of man meat.

Xena: You look like you have decent enough genes, how would you feel about a one night stand to get me pregnant with a female heiress for my Amazon tribe that you would have zero commitment in raising?

Harley: No strings attached sex? I’m in!

Xena: Good, I like men that are compliant. Meet me at your house in an hour.

Lol this house screams dude bro.

After their rough and tumble in bed, I sent Xena off to hunt as a werewolf because honestly, they’re still poor as hell and need stuff to sell, lol.

She didn’t find anything though, so I decided maybe the scuba skill might help. However somethings weird with my game and I realized that even with a high enough skill she can’t go actual scuba diving as all my community lots just say ‘community lots’ without names for some reason? If anyone knows how to fix it, help would be appreciated. Also some of the unoccupied houses say community lots too. Idk wtf is up but I’m sure its some kind of mod conflict *sigh*

...Appetizing. On the plus side though, a baby is on the horizon!

Euryleia: Oh Mistress, our first tribe daughter, I’m so excited! I’ll start preparing right away for her birth!

Euryleia desperately needs to move up in rank, so I sent her to the library to learn some skills so she could end up being a Provider instead.

Euryleia: Mistress! Since you and I are now friendly and I have enough skills and the personality to become a Provider for this noble tribe, I was wondering if you could promote me? If you do, I’ll be sure to get a career ASAP so we can start making some real money in preparation for the baby!

Xena: ‘Money’ is the magic word, Euryleia. You have my permission.

So Euryleia went downtown and got herself a job in the Culinary Career, since Daor sucks at making food anyway so it’d be good they got someone else to do that chore, lmao.

Xena: Good lord, it feels like my insides are being torn to shreds!

Xena: Wtf? This isn’t what I ordered!

How disappointing, lol. This is Aeolus though, and his traits are easily impressed and excitable. Don’t get too attached.

Xena: Harley? Get the fuck down here, we have a problem. Also bring some tools; I’m going to need you to help my slave build a sacrificial well. 

Euryleia: Mistress, I know you aren’t fond of boys, but maybe we shouldn’t... you know, kill it? It’s still a baby, after all. And Harley still has decent genes, so maybe you should give him another chance? You could still get a beautiful girl out of him and if you don’t...

Xena: If I don’t, then I kill them! Euryleia: I meant maybe you could just banish all of them from the tribe, but I of course will not argue with your judgement, oh divine one.

Xena: That’s right, I am your God. Worship me.

Xena: Alright look, you fucked up. You fucked up royally. BUT you still have decent genes, so I’m going to give you another chance to give me a baby girl.

Xena: Because if you do not, I will drown you in the sacrificial well I will soon have built and all your sons go into slavery. Understood?

Harley: But... what happened to no strings attached? Xena: That was if you managed to give me a girl, which you did not. Now, you are in charge of that disgusting thing inside and will live here as a slave until I bear my next child. If it’s a girl, you and your son go free. If not... well, I already covered that.

Xena: Now, get the fuck inside and impregnate me the proper way before my patience runs out.

Will their next child be a girl, or will Harley’s lifespan be shorter than expected? Stay tuned to find out!