#it’s entirely acrylic paints if anybody is wondering

[joespinell]

i warned you not to go out tonight!!

[lovingmyselfcore]

Protect You

Chapter One: I Have To Guard Dain; God Save Me

The Greenbriar's have their own reality TV show. Madoc is the head security guard. A mix up requires Madoc to ask his daughters to step in and help out. Taryn refuses (the beech) but Jude and Vivi accept. Jude gets assigned to Dain Greenbriar. Working for Dain, Jude uncovers some dirty secrets involving the family and friends. She strives to uncover these secrets and above all, keep her charge safe. But threats to the Greenbriar's lead to Jude guarding the youngest. Who also happens to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass. When working for his brother, avoiding Cardan was easier (she couldn't always) but now it's impossible. Deaths of people in the Greenbriar family, infidelity, love, and above all; pain. Why couldn't Vivi's father have been a carpenter?

“Can someone help me? I can’t get these damn heels Dad wants us to wear on.” Rhyia yelled, followed by some crashing noises. My older half-sister, Vivi, and I looked at each other then at where the commotion came from.

"You're closer to her," I said, stepping back with my hands raised.

Vivi sighed and steeled her shoulders back marching down to the door marked Rhyia Greenbriar.

Vivi and I were only here at all because Vivi’s father (my adopted father) had called and asked us to look after the female Greenbriar's for a short time. Vivi and I had grudgingly marched down here from our penthouse (A gift from Eldred Greenbriar to my father, for what I’m not certain) in hoodies sweatpants, and sneakers at four am.

The Greenbriar's were the family Madoc was ‘in charge of’. They had their own reality show, and my father was the head security guard. Madoc had trained Vivi, Taryn - my twin sister - and me to defend ourselves and others from a young age. Since he got the job with the Greenbriar's we had been asked to come down at all odd hours if Madoc couldn’t get any of his employees down fast enough. Taryn always refused, besides, she lived with her fiancé anyway, but Vivi and I came down until we were relieved when the actual guards showed up.

I watched as Rhyia’s door cracked open just enough for Vivi to slip in and walked across the trailer and peeked out the window, a hand resting on the pocket I had thrown my gun - well Madoc’s gun - into.

It was a grey rainy morning, the rain drizzled down, obscuring my view of the trailer only a few hundred feet away. That was where the male Greenbriar’s were at the moment, and where I was glad I wasn’t.

At another crash, I turned away from the window and half-jogged across the trailer to Rhyia’s room. I knocked with my knuckle “Rh-Miss. Greenbriar, is everything alright? Vivi?” When I didn’t hear anything my hand tightened over the handgun. Nothing ever really happened while Vivi and I were here, so I was unsure what exactly to do. Madoc had only drilled the basics in our heads.

1) Their lives mean more than ours do, protect them

2) Shoot first, ask questions later

I knocked again, more insistent. 

“Jude?” I head Vivi call. 

I relaxed a little, “Vi, what’s happening is everything alright?”

“Oh- yeah. Rhyia keeps knocking shit over.” I heard an embarrassed laugh.

Vivi slipped out the door and I could see Rhyia making a vulgar gesture before Vi closed the door behind her.

“Can you check on Elowyn?” Vivi asked. “I’m gonna run outside real quick and call Heather.”

“Oh?”

“Shut up. You know she’s in a different timezone.” Vivi pouted. “She’s up now so I’m going to call!”

I threw up my hands. “Go for it. Just don’t blame me when Dad yells at you.”

She rolled her eyes, “My central purpose on this earth is to annoy and piss off that man as much as possible,” She shrugged, her phone already in her hand, as she walked backward towards the door. “Just doing my job.”

I turned to knock on Elowyn’s door just as Vivi poked her head back in the trailer. “Don’t think of romancing any female Greenbriar while I leave you unsupervised.” She wagged her finger.

I snorted, “I don’t want to get involved with the Greenbriar’s any more than just being Dad’s clients. So don’t worry.”

I didn’t want to spend time dissecting the look she was giving me so I looked away.

I knocked on Elowyn’s door. “Miss Greenbriar? Just checking everything’s alright?”

“Yes,” Her soft voice carried through the room. “But can you zip up my dress?”

“Of course.” I let myself into her room.

I was immediately bombarded with the over-floral scent. Elowyn’s walls were covered with paintings, local artists, famous artists, and dedicated fans who sent their own work to her. There was always classical music playing from somewhere in her room, and I wasn’t sure anybody knew where it came from. Elowyn was probably one of the nicest Greenbriar’s out there, if not the nicest. But that didn’t mean I could stand being in her room for more than ten minutes and any given time.

I went over to where she was standing and zipped her dress. She saw me in the mirror and looked at me with quickly veiled disgust. I only rolled my shoulders back, I’d stopped allowing things like that to get to me a long time ago.

She vaguely shooed me out, her acrylic nails typing vigorously on her phone.

I did not understand that woman in the slightest.

~~~~~~

My phone buzzed from my hoodie pocket and I pulled it out, seeing a text from Madoc. Vivi and I were leaning against the wall again. When I’d come out Vivi was already back inside, explaining to me, with such extreme sadness I almost laughed, ‘She couldn’t talk, she had to get to an appointment.’

“He’s almost here,” I told Vivi, typing a response and sticking my phone back in my pocket.

She moaned, closing her eyes, “That means I can go back to sleep.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

She opened an eye and looked at me, “What’s the matter, Jude?”

“What? Oh - nothing, just tired and distracted.” I lied.

She hums in acknowledgment.

“Girls!” Madoc’s booming voice echoed through my skull and we pushed off the wall to go greet him.

He kissed us both on the cheek and when Vivi went to leave he held out his hand.

“I’m so sorry, girls.”

Vivi and I exchanged looks, that couldn’t be good.

“I know you don’t have college degrees in this field. You,” He looked at me, “Are under the age of 22.” I’d turned 21 last month, but Eldred had a weird rule about his official appointments being under the age of 22. “However, we’re running low and I’m going to need to assign you a Greenbriar to look after.”

Vivi actually whimpered and I just ran a hand down my face.

“Which ones? And for how long?” Vivi asked, already resigned. 

“Vivi, I want you to look after Elowyn.”

Vivi smiled. Elowyn didn’t cause trouble and was her father’s favorite. In real life, she was most everybody’s favorite too but in the show, the watchers favored the more dramatic of the bunch.

“And Jude,” I held my breath, “I would like you to look after Dain for me.”

I released a breath and nodded. Dain. I could look after Dain. He wasn’t the worst. I’m not saying he was great either. But he was okay. 

“It’ll only be for a couple of months. Again, I’m sorry.”

“When?” Vivi asked.

“Now,” Madoc winced at Vivi’s shriek. 

“Dad,” I said, “We aren’t even dressed ‘cause we were planning on going back to bed after you got back. At least let us shower, change, and eat, and then we’ll be down here. Right,” I cut a look at Vivi who met my eyes then nodded vehemently.

Madoc considered this. “I suppose that makes sense,” He ceded.

Vivi took the win and ran with it. Literally. As soon as he said that she bolted, sprinting full force out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. I didn’t waste time either, and as I ran out of the trailer I heard Madoc’s deep chuckle behind me.

Once I was far enough away from Madoc I slowed to a walk. I heard the roar of her motorcycle, and I wondered how she’d even gotten so far away so quickly. I had a sneaking suspicion she broke time and space just so she could be home and have the hot water first. She was my ride, and she just took off. Hot water superiority, I suppose.

I breathed out a chuckle (It was still too early. I wasn’t putting that much energy into laughing) and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I stuck my earbuds in my ears and pressed play on my playlist.

I hummed along to the song as I walked home. The streets were almost completely vacant, save for a few stray cars. The early morning commute hadn’t happened yet, further proof that waking us up at this hour against our will was nothing but ungodly.

I’d reached our penthouse apartment. I sighed through my nose, ‘Penthouse apartment’ it sounded ridiculous. Why did we need a penthouse apartment? Oh right, we didn’t, but I guess it was nice.

When I got up to our apartment I was proven right. Vivi was already in the shower. I went over and banged on the bathroom door, “Don’t use all the hot water!”

I tossed my gun and phone on the kitchen island, next to Vivi’s, shucking off my hoodie and tossing it somewhere.

I slipped off my tennis shoes as I walked to my bedroom. I threw myself on my bed, taking a deep breath. I hadn’t asked Madoc how long we’d be watching the Greenbriar’s, but I knew that as long as I had to accompany Dain, I’d see my least favorite Greenbriar somewhere.

Cardan Greenbriar was the bane of my entire existence. We’d never gotten along. No. Scratch that. We detested each other. When we were in high school, we were academic enemies. Cardan always made it his job to make me feel like I, a daughter born from infidelity didn’t belong in that school. With the elite. In a way, he was right. I never felt like I fit in there. No matter how hard I fought. Things got extremely messy between me, Taryn, and Cardan and his nightmare posse. By graduation, I thought I had finished with him, despite knowing Madoc worked for Eldred. Then Madoc got promoted and started asking Vivi and I to help with whatever he needed involving the Greenbriars. And now, boom. I can’t get rid of him, but I do my best to avoid him.

I distantly heard the shower turn off and I pushed myself off the bed. Vivi emerged from the bathroom in her towel, flashing me a quick smirk before she hurried to her bedroom, “I didn’t use all the hot water!”

“Sure you didn’t!” 

“Trust me more, Jude!”

“Only when you become trustworthy!”

“Bitch!”

“Love you too, sis!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

That was how most of our conversations went, though the ‘bitch’ varied depending on the argument.

~~~~~

Once I was in the shower, water streaking down my body I really thought about what watching Dain would entail, and I started to question why I was needed at all. He had his own team, who all went by codenames, and seemed to know everything about everyone, everywhere. They already were with him everywhere, behind the cameras during every shoot. The Bomb, The Roach, and The Ghost. Nobody really knew who they were, besides Madoc. But, despite my pressing, he never revealed where he or Dain or even Eldred found them. They suddenly just appeared one day, surrounded by rumors.

I do think that I’m a pretty incredible fighter. I’m good with a gun, I box almost daily. Madoc taught me how to fence and use knives as a kid. but Dain already had the three of them. What did he need me for? Maybe he personally requested me? But that would make even less sense? I suppose I would find out soon enough. 

I turned off the shower after washing my hair and stepped out.

When I exited the bathroom I had to cross through the living room back to my bedroom.

I let out a noise somewhere between a scoff and a snort, “Really, Vivi?”

“What?” She exclaimed, her mouth full of sugary cereal.

“We watch that show happen in real-time,” I gestured to the TV where Vivi was watching reruns of Wicked Royals. “I still can’t get over that name. It’s ridiculous.” Vivi nodded absently, her eyes now refocused on the screen, where it was one of those one-person interviews. Elowyn was talking about some fight that Balekin and Dain had just gotten into.

“Anything good happening?” I joked.

She snorted, “Depends on your definition of good.”

I laughed (She knew my definition of good was definitely not that) and went into my room, leaving Vivi to her mindless watching.

I got dressed in a simple black outfit and pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail. It was boring, but it wasn’t like there was anybody I wanted to impress.

“Jude!” 

“What?” I asked, exiting my room.

She waved her phone in my face, “We gotta go.”

~~~~~~~~

When we arrived, Madoc was waiting for us. He ushered us along with quick words, “They’re filming already, so Vivi you go hang out behind the crew. Watch Elowyn, make sure nothing happens. Jude, I want you to meet Dain’s other bodyguards. Not all of them are in there because the others are with Dain, but meet them.”

He practically shoved me into Dain’s trailer and I only heard Vivi yell, “Good luck!” Before the door slammed closed.

I immediately took note of my surroundings and made a point of knowing obvious weapons and places to escape. (Comes with the territory if you live my life)

I turned to see them sitting in a makeshift circle on the floor, playing cards. Well, two of them. A woman and a man.

“I’m Jude,” I said, fighting the urge to shift uncomfortably.

They stared at me for a long time, unblinking and revealing no emotions.

Finally, the woman stood up and held her hand out, “Someday I might tell you my name,” She winked, “Call me Bomb.”

I flashed an uneasy smile at her but my eyes flicked back to the man, who also stood up and in an eerily similar fashion, offered his hand. “Roach,” His voice was gruff and it seemed like it rumbled through the trailer.

He tilted his head towards their discarded cards, “You play?”

“Depends on what it is we’re playing,” I said carefully. It seemed like the right answer if his slight nod meant anything.

“Anything,” Bomb said, “We’re just bored.”

“Why aren’t you out with Dain?” I cursed mentally. It was too bold. Too probing.

However, they didn’t seem offended by the question. “He usually only takes one of us with him and gives the others a job to do, but we don’t have anything.”

“Job?” I asked, but she didn’t respond, didn’t even acknowledge that I’d asked anything.

I was immediately on edge. I even felt my shoulders tense. Something wasn’t right here. 

“Let’s sit,” Roach said. So we sat, we formed some kind of triangular circle. I could physically feel how tightly-drawn my body was. I was like a gazelle, I had no idea whether or not a predator was about to lunge. I detested that feeling.

As Bomb collected their previous cards and shuffled Roach turned towards me, “Tell us about yourself, Jude.”

“Your Madoc’s daughter, right?” Bomb asked.

I nodded, “He took us in when we were young.”

“When did you first meet the Greenbriar's?”

I hummed, “I met them all on separate occasions. Vivi knew Rhyia since grade school, so I knew her a little less than that. I met Elowyn and Caeila next, I had tried to run away from home, but I was seven so I didn’t make it quite as long as I’d hoped. It was winter and little me was lost and freezing when they stumbled across me in an alley. I’m still not sure what they were doing there but they recognized me and handed me over to my step-mother Oriana.”

“They didn’t ask any questions?” Bomb questioned.

“Nope, nothing. Just handed me over like I was some misplaced article of clothing.”

Roach whistled under his breath and I opened my mouth to tell them about my first time meeting Balekin when somebody banged on the trailer door. Bomb and Roach spared a quick glance at each other before standing up.

Roach peeked through the peephole and let out a noise between a groan, a laugh, and a curse.

Bomb looked at him questioningly and he just responded with, “It’s the crew.”

She sighed, then gestured for me to stand up, “Dain’s going somewhere, and it’s being filmed for the show. So it’s time to see what you got, newbie.”

I followed Bomb and Roach out the door. The Ghost joined our ranks as we moved through the yard. The trailers were all in the backyard of the huge Greenbriar palace-mansion, they didn’t want the cameras capturing them before they were ready. And in their bedrooms too?? Never. 

It would have made sense to hang behind them, observe the way they moved, and the way they schooled their faces to reveal nothing. (It wasn’t hard to see how they’d warranted all the rumors) I, however, am an idiot. So I shoved my way until I was directly next to them, so when Dain’s eyes landed on me, I knew the predator had found me.

His eyes were cold but unnerving. He seemed to take in every detail about me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It sent shivers up my spine. He was waiting for this gazelle to jump.

We held eye contact for only a breath before he turned around.

I didn’t jump.

“Newbie,” Dain said, not even looking at me. “Get your,” He paused as if searching for the right word, “Compatriots, some food from craft services or something. Be useful before we leave.”

When I hesitated he snarled. “Do I have to tell you twice? I’m giving a shot at being valuable. Use it.”

The three of them looked at me, Roach’s face was the only one I could read and it seems he was saying with his eyes, “We’ve all been where you are.” Though I doubted they had, not with him. 

I balled my fists, digging my nails into my palms and pursing my lips in hopes of holding back the biting retort on the tip of my tongue. Oh, how I wanted to put this over-grown rich kid in his place. I knew I’d win in any sort of physical fight. But legally? He could destroy me. 

So, I spun on my heel and stalked off towards where I knew there would be food.

~~~~~~~

I stomped in, letting the door slam closed behind me, and banged my fist on the wall. I didn’t like him already. I hated anybody that talked to me as if they were miles above me. I hated the Greenbriar’s for their elitist attitude. I hated feeling so powerless. I hated my parents for dying. I hated Madoc for making-

“Jude Duarte, long time no see,” That voice. Despite the haze of anger in my mind, I knew that voice anywhere, that melodic lilt and seductive purr that seemed ingrained in him.

I turned around, slapping a scowl on my face, despite my urge to spill every feeling I had. Somehow, I knew there were some parts he would understand. “Carden Greenbriar, wish I could say it was a pleasure.”

He was sitting on the counter, his legs crossed in front of him. Although he was on a counter, he managed to look regal. His clothes, as always, were fashionable and worth more than my life.

He reached out with long, delicate fingers and plucked an apple out of a bowl. “Well, you could say it.” He smirked, “You’ve always been a pretty liar, Jude.” His rings and the golden highlights in his hair gleamed in the harsh, fluorescent light.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks,” I strode forward and plucked the apple out of his hand. “And thanks for this.” I mock-saluted him with it and turned to leave, despite not completing my task, when he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him.

“Haven’t you missed me, Jude?” I shrugged his hand off and shook my head in response. I wasn’t sure how he’d leaped off the counter so fast, but with him so close to me, I was reminded of how much taller he was.

“Come on,” He said, with an indecipherable look in his eyes. “Banter with me, my monster girl. Or have you changed that much?”

“I’m not your anything,” I spit.

“There she is.” And there was that damned smirk again.

“Do everyone a favor and rot in hell, Cardan.”

“Only if you come with me.” He bowed with a flourish and kissed my hand.

I shivered despite myself. “I’m going to heaven.”

He actually let out a laugh, “Really?”

“Probably not.” I shrugged.

“Like I said,” He grinned, “Pretty liar,” He purred again, making my toes curl in my boots.

I hated the way he made me feel. I hated the way I would think of the sharp lines of his face, and the sound of his actual laugh whenever I couldn’t fall asleep. God, I hated him.

I resisted the urge to spit in his face.

I maneuvered around him towards the rest of the snacks. “Your brother’s an ass.”

“I had no idea,” He drawled, voice dripping sarcasm.

“You’re not going to ask which one?” I slammed the fridge door closed and dumped my haul into a backpack that was sitting on the table.

“Nope. Greenbriar’s are good at being asses.”

I smiled at the definite tone in his voice. “Of course.”

I tossed the bag over my shoulder and made to leave when Cardan’s hand shot out. “Just a second, and I’ll let you get back to whatever servant’s task you were doing.”

I looked at him with such hatred I could feel it in my veins. He seemed to realize he struck a nerve and his grin could put the Cheshire cat out of business.

He held out his hand as if he wanted me to shake it. When he didn’t he let out a dramatic sigh and grabbed one of the bottles of wine that rested on a shelf near his head. 

He saluted me with it, in a similar fashion to when I’d done the same with the apple.

“Until our next tête-à-tête, darling.” And, with a wink, he was out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“The Greenbriar's suck,” Was all I said as I threw myself face-down on our couch.

Vivi threw herself on top of me with a groan of assent.

I smiled despite being smushed in the cushions, “I feel validated.”

“What was that?” Taryn asked.

I yelped and Vivi jumped up from off of me.

Taryn was standing, leaning slightly against the kitchen island. She had a small smile on her face.

“Taryn!” Vivi threw herself at my twin. 

When they separated Taryn looked at me, “Jude?” She asked softly.

I shook my head, hanging back. “Not yet,”

Taryn’s smile vanished and it looked like she was going to roll her eyes.

Vivi could sense the tension and took it upon herself to distract us, “Dad gave us jobs guarding individual Greenbriars.”

“Oh. How is that going?”

“About as well as you’d expect,” I said tightly. 

“Okay,” Vivi said, exasperated. “Sit down, both of you. Let’s catch up and act like sisters.”

I opened my mouth to argue but Vivi cut me a scathing glance and I knew I couldn’t get out of this one.

The three of us sat on the couch. Vivi, relaxed, in-between Taryn and I. Taryn and I both sat board-straight, glaring at each other.

“So,” Vivi said, moving so Taryn couldn’t stare at me anymore, “What’s been happening with you since we last talked?”

“Well, Locke-” Oh god. I tuned her out but tuned back in when they looked at me like I should have an answer to a question.

I somehow managed to talk my way out of what was happening and escaped to my room.

I was ready for bed, laying and staring at my ceiling when my brain started spiraling.

There were so many things that would be expected of me. What if I messed up and somebody got hurt? What if I couldn’t succeed and get stuck working a boring 9 to 5 office job. I loved the rush I got working where I do. I, for some godforsaken reason, excelled in dirty politics. That’s how I felt fulfilled. I got used to fighting to survive as a child and now I can’t live any other way. Is that too deep? I’m thinking too much about this.

*buzz*

Cardan: I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early my monster girl ;)

Jude: I hate you

Cardan: I hate you too darling

Jude: You’re drunk aren’t you?

Cardan: How’d you know?

Jude: You’re always drunk

Cardan: Hurtful

I rolled my eyes and turned my phone off, my eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Tag List:

@ladyofbloodandroses @foreverscreaming This is already going so far off the ‘reality show’ aspect. I’m so sorry :)

[amydancepants-peralta]

mr mendes just released a new song & i was wondering if you could write something inspired by the line: "i wonder what it's like to be loved by you" 😌✨

Ericaaa I loved this prompt! 💕 Of course I had to throw in some Pining because it’s so good ... hope you enjoy! (here it is on AO3)

to be loved by you 

It’s a secret to absolutely no-one that Amy Santiago is the kind of woman that likes to excel in any skillset.  Unapologetic in her badass-ery, she can (and has) chase a perp through the boroughs of Brooklyn in boots that have a higher heel than three of her male colleagues put together.  Her finely tuned memory - the same one that has led Trivia Newton John to seven straight victories - helped solve a series of long-dead case files, and her problem solving skills are the reason that one of the city’s biggest kingpins is currently behind bars.   

With this in mind, one could consider it safe to say that Amy regretting her natural ability to ace any situation would be up there with hell freezing over, or for a flock of pigs to soar across the sky. 

But tonight, here in Shaw’s bar as she watches Jake have what seems to be a lovely date with Sophia; Amy just might be, if only maybe a little, slightly regretting her highly graded observation skills (yes, the same ones that pushed her into the highest percentile when graduating from the academy - which she very rarely brags about, and she really should - it was mentioned in the commissioners speech and everything).  

To be fair, it wasn’t all bad.  She could, for example; hear the jukebox in the corner, playing Come on Eileen for the fifth time in a row - unknowingly settling into a duet with squelching sneakers as a bunch of drunken frat guys danced, all of them too far gone to notice any repetition.  Plus, she could pick up on the subtle click of the acrylic nails on the woman at a neighbouring table, listening to them tap against a series of her friends’ photographs, rotating between descriptions of priddy and gawgeous.  

Mixed with the scent of spilled beer and day-old peanuts, it was exactly the combination that to others may appear seedy, but to Amy and the squad, just seemed … familiar.  Shaw’s was their watering hole, the basement bar each could disappear into and drink to forget their days, and despite the five empty glasses on her table and the half-full one in her hand, Amy was finding it incredibly difficult to stop noticing just how sweet Jake was with his girlfriend.  

Even more impossible was to stop imagining what it would be like if she were the one standing near the dart board, with Jake’s arm resting comfortably over her shoulders.   

It had all started earlier today, when she had glanced over at her partner just in time to pick up on the tiny little smile that grew on his face when he noticed a text from Sophia.

(Okay, it’s possible that it had actually started back at The Maple Drip Inn, with that look he’d given her after maybe, yes, a little.  It had definitely led to a series of Thoughts after Teddy’s departure, of which she’d only given herself just that night to think about.)

(Except ‘that night’ then turned into that week, and okay fine then it had turned into ‘just that month'; and now here she is, several weeks later; completely unable of getting Jake Peralta off of her mind, and it’s becoming very likely that this is more than just a little crush.)

It had been so endearing to see, that tiny glimpse of joy and enchantment as he’d read Sophia’s message - just fleeting enough for Amy to wonder if anybody had ever reacted to a message from her with such glee.  (Teddy, she remembers, preferred not to text; and would instead express his affections by saving her the last bottle of his favourite pilsner, or brewing a new concoction ‘inspired by her’ … sweet, but somehow didn’t hold the same sentiment.)

So she’d kept her eyes glued to the computer screen in front of her as she listened to Jake pick up the phone and order a bunch of flowers to be delivered to Sophia’s office - using his debit card, and not a combination of the five questionably balanced credit cards under his name - which in itself is huge.  Pretended not to notice the multiple kiss emojis in his reply, or the soft tune that he hummed for a few minutes after, focusing intensely on the case file in front of her as she described a recent interrogation in finite detail.  Kept up the facade of all that stuff with us is in the past as he recounted a romantic weekend to their squad in the break room - laughing along in all the right places, doing her very best to keep the wistfulness out of her eyes.  

And all the while, Amy’s mind had kept contemplating if she would ever get to know what it would be like to date someone like Jake: to have somebody who would take all the black and whites of her life and show her the beautiful greys in-between. 

So when he’d shown up at Shaw’s this evening, with Sophia’s hand carefully wrapped around his own and a grin that announced his contentment to anyone who cared to look; Amy had felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest.  Her painted smile had just lasted until the couple retreated to the corner for a crazily competitive game of darts, and Amy had decided tonight would be a great opportunity to drown her sorrows in a few glasses of whiskey, doing her absolute best not to notice all the little things she will never have.

Like the way Jake would punctuate each congratulatory high five with a kiss, even when it meant that his girlfriend had beaten him at a game.  The gentle way he steered them away from a rambunctious crowd, keeping an eye on the raised voices as his unaware girlfriend played her shot and came so close to hitting the bullseye.  Or the way Sophia’s hand would rest on Jake’s chest as he held her in his arms (just the way that Amy wishes she could do), and the way she would laugh so happily as he commented on the drunk guys dancing near them.  

It was all very simple, but undeniably sweet, and Amy doesn’t know how she ever doubted that Jake would be anything but. 

“Your covert skills need work, Santiago.”

The chair beside Amy scrapes angrily against the worn floorboards and she turns, startled by the interruption, quietly praying that her face isn’t quite as red as it suddenly feels.  Terry, far more interested in taking the last sip of his scotch than commenting on her appearance, settles in to his new location next to her, and his glass hits the soaking cardboard coaster with a slap.  

“Wha-huh?  Covert skills?  You really must be drunk, Sarge.  We’re not even on a stakeout right now.  Unless you’re talking about us staking out the contents of that fridge behind the bar haha!”  

(She’s rambling - she knows she’s rambling; but cannot stop the desperate need to pretend that she hadn’t just been completely busted for spending her entire evening staring at a life she may never know.)  

“Ugh.  Okay fine.”  Her mouth stretches out into a cringe, eyes flickering to the colleagues Terry had just walked away from.  “How noticeable are we talking here?”

“Noticeable enough that Charles has spent the last 40 minutes lamenting on ‘the beautiful tragedy of unrequited love’”.  Dropping his air quotes, Terry rolls his eyes, one eyebrow lowering as he returns to his drink.  “He lost me when he started quoting poetry.  Terry loves Shakespeare, but he could do with a little less soliloquies - and a little more spirits - tonight.”

“Oh!  You know what, there was just a Shakespeare play in Polonsky that starred - ” Terry overlaps her last words with his own heavy voice, and Amy’s stops in it’s tracks.  

“Dianne Wiest.  Terry knows.  That was his segue, Amy.”

She nods, sensing the need to dig up.  “Should have known.  Charles loves his Wiest feasts.”  Terry grunts his assent, pressing his lips together as he savours another verse-less sip, and Amy seizes the opportunity to cast another furtive glance at the happy couple.  

“Seriously, though.  Just because Peralta hasn’t noticed, doesn’t mean the rest of us haven’t.”

Amy brushes her hair to the side, swirling the liquid in her glass with her free hand.  “Okay, so maybe I haven’t been very subtle tonight, or whatever.”  Her gaze returns to Jake, drawn to him like a magnet, and her heart squeezes once more.  

To his credit, Terry gives her a moment; waiting for a silence to settle over their table before leaning forward in his chair, ignoring the sticky residue of the tabletop as he rests his arms on either side of his glass. 

“Out with it, Santiago.”

She shakes her head, swallowing hard to push down the burgeoning lump in her throat.  “They look really happy together, don’t they?  He looks … happy.”

Terry shrugs, glancing in the direction of Amy’s eye line.  “Yeah, I guess so.” 

“He does!  All shiny and cheerful and just .. happy.”

“I don’t know.  Terry remembers a time when you and Teddy looked just as content.”  His look is pointed, and followed by the unsubtle raise of his eyebrows.  Amy nods, draining the last of her drink.  Somehow, she has a feeling that Sophia’s underwear isn’t lined with mesh like Teddy’s had been (and even if it was, it would be some kind of inexplicably sexy mesh, for sure). 

“Sometimes things aren’t what they seem, sarge.”

“You know that works both ways, don’t you?”

Nodding again, Amy wipes her thumb along the smudged lipstick print on her glass, choosing to remain silent.  Terry didn’t get it - none of them got it, really.  She’d had her chance, the very first time the words romantic styles were uttered, and she’d let it slip away.  And now, she has to live with the consequences.  

Clearing his throat, Terry continues.  “I mean … she is a defence attorney, you know.”

“But see, even that isn’t something that I can fault.  Not fairly, anyway.”  Clocking the look of disbelief on Terry’s face, Amy shrugs defensively, waving her hand vaguely in Sophia’s direction.  “I know we all like to joke and call them evil, but really … all they’re doing is making us prove that our findings are beyond reasonable doubt.  If anything, it’s people like her that push us to do better - to work harder to make sure that we’re definitely charging the right person.  And as annoying as that can be, it’s definitely not a reason to hate her.”

“Kinda sounds like you do, though.”

She shakes her head, feeling the sense of defeat sink into her bones.  “I really don’t.  She’s incredibly smart, and funny and beautiful … she honestly looks like she should be in a commercial for shampoo or something.  She’s perfect for Jake, and I’m just …”

“You’re just … ?”

Shrugging, Amy slots her thumbnail into the edge of the coaster underneath her glass.  It, like her heart, had seen better days, and it was time for her to cut her losses.  “I’m just … going home.”

“What?  No.  Stay!  Our squad kicked butt this week, Amy.  We all deserve a drink.”

Painting another smile onto her face (she really is getting good at them), Amy pushes her seat away from the table, allowing herself one more glimpse at Jake’s smile before shaking her head at Terry.  “Sorry sarge, I just can’t seem to celebrate tonight.”

Heading towards the exit without a second thought, Amy doesn’t see Jake pull away from Sophia, taking a half step in the direction of the door as he watches her leave.  She doesn’t notice him pull out his phone, start to type a message before hesitating, pocketing it without hitting send.  The night moves on as Amy walks away, and the streets are deafeningly silent as soon as the bar door closes behind her.  

The sky seems to feel just as morose as Amy this evening, tiny droplets dropping onto her grey work blazer as she waits for a cab; too lost in her thoughts to take in the frivolity of a parting crowd.  As the rain increases and the splotches on her blazer turn into tiny Rorschach Tests she decides to give herself one more night - one last night of wishing for things that will never be. 

In the backseat on her ride home Amy twists her hands together, linking her fingers and imagining not for the first time that one hand was Jake’s (she would imagine similar .. later).  She thinks of what it could be like to have his warm presence near hers .. to have his hand resting on her leg, not out of possession but just to be near.  Watching him get out of the car first, only to turn and offer a helping hand for her exit, every time without fail.  

She pictures what it would be like to feel the brick exterior of her apartment against her back as Jake presses his soft lips against hers, kissing the life out of her, making her see stars before pulling her into the apartment for so much more.   

He wouldn’t always be the perfect partner - and lord knows, neither would she - but Amy knows that through it all he would remain her best friend, because even through all of this yo-yo pattern of denial and admittance, thats who Jake has been for her.  After all these years, he’s become the only one she wants to talk to, at any given moment of the day, who knows her coffee order better than his own and remembers her Abuela’s birthday, even when she hasn’t mentioned it in weeks.  

The scent of rain lingers in her apartment as Amy readies herself for bed, casting her pantsuit aside with drunken abandonment and giving her face a half-hearted wash before stumbling towards her bed.  She closes her eyes, the thoughts of what could have been still so loud in her quiet apartment, hugging the pillow beside her tightly while her mind begins to wander.  

As she finally drifts off to sleep that night, Amy tries not to remember the smile that Jake gave her as they danced so long ago at the community hall - that special kind of smile, that made her think that maybe it was solely for her - and tells herself once. and. for. all. that sometimes, life just doesn’t work out the way you’d hope.

* 

* * 

It’s a rush of cool air that alerts Amy to a brand new morning, the drop in temperature squashed as quickly as it arrives by the wrapping of a warm arm around her middle.  She smiles into the pillow as it completes its protective loop, letting her body get pulled closer to the human hot water bottle in the middle of her bed, and if there was a better way to wake up on a cold day, Amy is yet to see it.  

She lets out a sigh of comfort as the bridge of a prominent nose digs into her shoulder blade, feeling the warmth of his breath through her old academy shirt, nestling closer until her legs are well and truly tangled amongst his.  It’s late, later than she would normally allow herself to sleep, but the two of them were far too invested in basking in the afterglow of a rainy Saturday filled with sex and movies to consider leaving the bedroom anytime soon.  

Jake’s voice is rough, the remnants of a deep sleep obvious in his throat.  “Today’s Sunday, right?”

Amy nods, wriggling herself just free enough to turn within her boyfriend’s embrace.  His hair is sticking out on all ends - unaided, she is certain, by her hands the night before - and she runs the tip of her thumb along his right cheekbone.  Though his eyes are still closed, he leans into her touch, and she grins.  “Definitely Sunday.  A rainy Sunday, but part of the weekend all the same.”

He nods, the short and prickly fibres of his morning stubble scratching her palm.  “Good.  More time for time machine building.”

“… we’re building a time machine?”

“Yeah, one that lets us skip past all the boring work stuff, and leaves us with all the time in the world for more of this.  Kinda like that movie Click, but a lot less ‘trying to change the past’ stuff, and a lot more sex.”

She chuckles, and his left foot rubs along the side of her calf under the blanket.  “You’re crazy, Peralta.”  (Although, she will admit - the ‘a lot more sex’ part did sound kinda great.)

His eyelids flutter open, gaze growing soft as a smile stretches across his face.  “You’re beautiful, Santiago.”

Amy feels her cheeks begin to heat up, resisting the urge to cool herself down by tucking her hair away, completely unable to move as long as Jake continues to look at her like that.  There’s a pimple growing underneath the surface of her chin that is going to rival Mount Vesuvius, and her morning breath could probably wilt the flower pots living happily on her kitchen’s windowsill.  But here, in bed with her boyfriend of almost two years, she feels more beautiful than all of her best days put together.  

“I don’t think I’ve told you this today, but I love you, Jake.”

Leaning forwards, Jake’s soft lips press against Amy’s, and he winks as he pulls away.  “I mean, we’ve both been awake for a sum total of three minutes, so yeah, you’re pretty late with the love you’s today, babe.”

Her free hand flies out from under the cover, delivering an indignant smack to Jake’s chest, and he grabs it back before she can pull away, linking their fingers together and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.  “I love you too, Ames.  Even if you don’t want to build a time machine with me, I still love you.”

She laughs - a giggle that starts in her belly and bursts through her lungs, something that she’s been doing a lot more of these days - and pulls Jake in for a longer kiss, morning breath be damned.  

One day, in eight or so years time, they’ll have a son - a miniature version of Jake that, much like his father, runs to the beat of his own drum; and answers to the name Mac.  Amy will fall pregnant again, and when they explain to their son that he’s going to be a big brother, his response is so perfectly him that it makes Amy’s eyes tear up with laughter.  

For they are, by Mac’s decree, now officially a Ninja Turtle family.  He is Raphael (or ‘Rafel’), Jake Michelangelo due to his love of nunchaku, and Amy nabs Leonardo purely out of homage to one of her favourite artists.  The mini-Peralta still growing in her womb is, by default, Donatello (or Donatella, depending), and even though there was a time when Amy truly felt like she could never be this lucky, she will love their little family with all of her heart.  

But for now, she has Jake; and together they have warm bedsheets and no plans for a future that isn’t together - no matter what obstacles may be thrown their way.  

And Amy realises, as Jake begins to trace a series of kisses along her side of her neck; truly, being loved by him is better than she could have ever imagined.  

x

[discordantwords]

hi 🥺 do you have any recs or an existing list of long fics with a good plot and a decent amount of smut too? thank you!!

Hi!

I’m not sure if you’re looking for canon-compliant fics or AUs, but here are a few long fics with excellent plots that come to mind:

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.”  The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” 

A River Without Banks by Chryse "You love this, being Sherlock Holmes. "He had once. When had it all gone so wrong?

The Case of the Green Gown by Splix ...Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife, the only selfish action which I can recall in our association. I was alone. ---Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventure of the Blanched Soldier

A Vintage Exceptionally to Your Liking by EmmyAngua Sherlock and John met seven years earlier than canon and fell in love. When John dies, Sherlock is introduced to the concept of alternate dimensions and given the opportunity to visit a different universe where he can have a second chance with a new John Watson. A love story across alternate dimensions.

Transports by ancientreader How to become a consulting detective.

In The Deep, Where Dark Things Sleep by HardlyFair The closer time crawls to November, the more water horses the Scorpio Sea spits out. The colder Thisby becomes. Sherlock Holmes is an islander - completely surrounded by the water. John Watson, he knows, comes from the mainland and lives for the Races. On the first of November, Sherlock will race. The man holding steady by his side is someone he never expects.  

The Illustrious Client by ArabellaStrange We’re a couple!' John burst out, bluntly. His face was nearly twitching with rage. He hadn’t even meant to say anything, to anybody, because he wanted what they had for himself just a bit longer, for a million reasons half-romantic and half-defensive, and yet here he was, gripping Chez Francine’s thick cream tablecloth with enough force to tear it in half, suddenly wanting nothing more than to tell everyone within earshot that Sherlock was absolutely infuriating, surprisingly good at blowjobs, and probably in love with him. 

Every Lover in the Form of Stars by esplanade "John had never really given a damn about art, before Afghanistan.  It had always seemed like something that only certain people were allowed to appreciate, people who had studied for years and been trained to pick it apart and understand it.  But he had begun to find comfort in it himself, even if he knew next to nothing about brushstrokes and art styles, oil paint versus acrylic, traditional or mixed media.  It wasn't that he had suddenly developed a great appreciation for the classics, the art school standbys like Michelangelo or Picasso.  Instead, what it boiled down to, the real reason behind his fixation was much simpler: quiet." 

Parhelion by tripodion The darkness is coming again, and when you've lived as a member of the undead for over five hundred years together, you know a thing or two about handling it. Forever is a long way to fall.

Be Here Now by todesfuge John Watson was already fighting demons when he and Sherlock met. With Sherlock's suicide, it all comes flooding back, forcing Sherlock to intervene before he's solved the persistent riddles of Jim Moriarty and his game. Together they find that something darker lurks behind Moriarty, forcing Sherlock, John, and Irene Adler into an even deadlier game with a much more dangerous foe.

Masters of Ink by indybaggins  John has a triple-coiled tattoo machine in his hand and a row of inks at the ready. He has gloves on, a willing client in front of him, and a detailed stencil. He is ready to win this bloody competition. Except he’s competing against Sherlock Holmes... First-meeting-on-a-reality-show AU, Ink Master edition! There is expert tattooing, slightly less expert flirting, and two men falling hard. But John is married, and they can’t all win.

A Ritual to Read to Each Other by weeesi After Mycroft terminated his exile but before Sherlock could escape from the infuriating plane, John and Mary were whisked away by car to an unknown location. Sherlock hasn't seen them for an entire year. He doesn't know when he'll see John again -- until one day, he does. But, of course, nothing is simple.

Watches ‘Verse by bendingsignpost First, he is shot in Afghanistan. Second, he wakes to a phone call in Chelmsford, Essex. Third is pain, fourth is normalcy, fifth is agony and sixth is confusion. By the eighth, he's lost track. (John-centric AU)

You Go to My Head Series by J_Baillier and 7PercentSolution Doctor Sherlock Holmes is the hospital's new neurosurgical star. He performs miracles with his scalpel, but his bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. The task to address the issue falls on Doctor John Watson, one of King's College Hospital's senior neuroanaesthetists. 

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition.

As always, be sure to heed the tags on each individual fic.

There are SO many wonderful fics out there and I can’t possibly link them all. If anyone else sees this and wants to add a rec for a long plotty fic, please feel free to do so!

[queensofrap]

The Year of Cardi B - She went from stripping to becoming the breakout star of 2017. So what's she worried about?

Cardi B is butt-naked in the doorway of her hotel bathroom, yelling about her vagina. On a mid-October evening, she's readying herself for a college show in Baltimore, and the toiletries provided by the hotel aren't to her liking. "That soap gave me the yeast infection of 2017!" she hollers in her thick Bronx accent. "My pussy was burnin' like a Mexican taco!"

It takes all of 10 seconds in Cardi B's presence to be reminded of the sheer force and hilarity of her personality. Simply being Cardi B, at maximum volume, made her a star – first on Instagram, then on the VH1 reality show Love & Hip-Hop: New York – before she'd recorded any music at all, let alone knocked Taylor Swift from the top of the pop charts with the sly swagger of her single "Bodak Yellow." She is the people's diva – or "the strip-club Mariah Carey," as she once rapped – unfiltered in a way the world often doesn't allow female stars to be. In a culture reshaped by streaming and social media, where the kids, without much corporate nudging, get to decide who the stars are, Cardi B is what you get.

Yesterday, Cardi turned 25.
 She took a rare day off, hanging
 with her entire family – sister, parents, cousins – at her mother's house. But she missed her boyfriend (now fiancé), Offset of Migos, who was touring in Australia. "I was sad, because it's like, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm not getting no dick on my birthday,'" says Cardi, whose bedazzled acrylic nails are decorated with tiny reproductions of Offset paparazzi shots. "But I wasn't going to get dick on my birthday anyway, because I got my period."

She finds a cleanser she can deal with and hops into the shower, before slipping into a bright-red spacesuit-inspired Milano di Rouge jumpsuit, complete with a yellow patch that reads "Safe sex saves lives," part of the designer's anti-HIV initiative. She glances at it and arches her eyebrows. "Girl," she says, "I don't even use a condom."

It may not seem like it, but this is actually a newer, more cautious Cardi B. After a few social-media controversies – including when she was justly called out for a since-deleted tweet that referred to Kim Jong Un as "Won Tung Soup" – she is trying to learn to hold back a bit. "I used to tell myself that I will always be myself," she says. But she worries that she's going back on that vow. "Little by little, I'm feeling like I'm getting trapped and muted."

Her life is changing fast. She put out her first mixtape, Gangsta Bitch Music, Vol. 1, in March last year, back when she was still Love & Hip-Hop's breakout star. It was a gloriously raw and raunchy introduction that cashed in on her TV catchphrases with songs like "Washpoppin'" and "Foreva." She released Vol. 2 in January this year, five months before announcing a major-label contract with Atlantic Records.

In June came "Bodak Yellow," named in homage to Florida rapper Kodak Black, whose song "No Flockin'" inspired its flow. "Bodak Yellow" is an unlikely Number One: a tough trap song with zero concessions to the mainstream, or even anything like a conventional pop hook. In a year when the youth power of streaming services, which now count toward chart positions, is changing the very meaning of pop, she's become the first female rapper to score a solo Number One since Lauryn Hill in 1998. Not bad for someone who initially pursued rapping as a way to monetize her reality fame. ("I said, 'TV don't make you rich,'" recalls her manager, Shaft, who once produced Lil' Kim. "'You gotta sell something! Waist trainers, hair, something.'")

The pressure is building. Her once-carefree social-media presence has drifted toward moody reflections about the downsides of fame. She's stressed about creating a debut album – the very word "album" makes her wince – that can live up to "Bodak Yellow" and the best of her mixtape tracks, not to mention the challenge of creating singles that can keep her on the charts and avoid one-hit-wonderdom. There is a chorus of doubters in her head, she acknowledges, and it sounds something like this: "Can she make another hit, can she make another hit?"

She fears failure, and paints a vivid picture of what it might look like: "If you go broke and lose your career, it's bad – and everybody is talkin' shit about it! At least if you lose your 9-to-5 you don't got millions of people judging you and talking shit while you lost your job."

Seven years ago, Cardi B was convinced she'd already failed at life. To please her mom, she was studying at a Manhattan community college with plans to become a history teacher. Born Belcalis Almanzar, she'd grown up in the Bronx's Highbridge neighborhood, and she was struggling to survive financially on her own. "It was just very sad," she says, uncharacteristically subdued. She's in the back seat of a black SUV on her way to a performance at Baltimore's Morgan State University, and the college setting is bringing back memories. "It was very frustrating – you have to pay for everything. When I finally got a job at Amish Market, I had to debate, 'Do I wanna go to class or do I wanna finish my shift?'"

She dropped out after two semesters, and soon took up stripping – a career move helpfully suggested by her Amish Market boss. "A lot of people wonder, 'Why would anybody want to be a dancer?'" she says. "Because there's money!" She used some of her stripping cash to briefly return to school. "I kept missing classes," she says, "and quit because I felt like I was already failing. It was such a disappointment."

Her strict Trinidadian mother worked seven days a week at a local college; her Dominican father, who separated from her mom when Cardi was 13, was "the cool parent," she says. For Cardi, his experience doing "different things in the streets" was a cautionary tale. "That's why I be so careful with my money and always try to invest. I see people who have it all and then lose it."

As a kid, Cardi had a sense that she was destined to do something creative, which led her to a performing-arts school on the Bronx's east side. She tried acting and singing (though she was convinced all of her classmates were better), wrote some poetry. But she'd also crack up friends and boyfriends by rewriting songs by, say, Beyoncé to make them "waaay sluttier." That hobby caught Shaft's attention years later, leading him to encourage her to pursue rapping seriously.

Until then, Cardi B relied on her abilities to charm and to hustle to pay the bills. And it worked: She quickly broke 100,000 Instagram followers in her strip-club days, expanding outward from her loyal customers, mostly on the strength of playful videos – "sucking dick" and scamming men were favored topics.

After Shaft suggested rapping, he began making beats for her at home, and helped her find a lyrical voice that matched the charm of her delivery.

But Cardi – who calls herself "a negative person" – had to overcome her own skepticism. She thought hard about her subject matter (her first single: "Stripper Hoe"), determined to defy haters "expecting me to drop something trash. It just made me, like, 'Aha, I gotta study these other rappers,'" she says. "Study how to do something different from them. You know all these female rappers, they talking about they money, they talking about they cars, so it's like, what's something that I enjoy? I enjoy fights!"

A few hours after the show, Cardi B is back in her hotel room, still wearing her red jumpsuit. She's curled up in the bed, blankets piled on top of her, talking about the future in a tone that's almost resigned. "I cannot turn my life back around," she muses. "I'm already a public figure, I'm famous. … It's like, I might as well keep it going, might as well make the money. People are always going to talk shit – I cannot make myself unfamous."

She's faced an impressively varied set of criticisms and unsolicited opinions. She's been accused of not being a real lyricist ("I'm not trying to be"); of somehow "not being black" because of her Latina heritage and light skin ("It gets to the point that you ask yourself, 'Damn, what the fuck am I?'"); of sleeping her way to the top ("I always had sex appeal – and niggas still give me a hard time"). The rapper Azealia Banks has quarreled with her, but Cardi B has tried hard not to play into the narrative that female rappers can't get along. "It's not even the female rappers that are catty, it's the fans," she says. "They just want that beef."

Her in-progress album is never far from her thoughts. "I got six, seven solid songs that I like, but I wonder if a month from now, I'm going to change my mind." All the looming expectations, she admits, are making it harder to come up with songs. "It's not as fun to do music," she says. "My mind doesn't flow as free 'cause I have so much on my mind."

She's aiming to mix the Spanish and reggae music of her youth with the trap sound that's inescapable at the moment, putting in late nights with her "Bodak Yellow" producer, J. White, and dancehall specialist Rvssian. She freely acknowledges she's chasing hits. "It's so sad to say, and I don't want to be the one to say it, but you gotta follow the trend," she says. "This generation loves to get high. They love to be on drugs. This is why they on that shit: They don't want to think about what you're saying."

She cites Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole as rappers who still write brilliant, conscious lyrics – some part of her might want to try to follow suit, but she feels like she couldn't get away with it. "A bitch like me, it might not work out for me," she says, "so I'm going to stick to trapping."

It's barely past midnight in Cardi's hotel room, and she is already exhausted. "I'm an old-ass girl now," she says with a sigh, head on a pillow. For all her outrageousness – she finished her show tonight by hopping offstage and twerking in the audience – she's not much of a partier. She stopped smoking weed at 21 because it interfered with her increasing fame and accompanying schedule. She had taken Molly as a confidence booster before stripping but doesn't need it anymore. She rarely drinks. "If I drink," she says, "it's like, my man is gonna be around, and I'm gonna have sex."

She's been with Offset since a chance meeting with him in New York in February – just after Migos scored their own Number One with "Bad and Boujee." "We polish each other," she says, noting they confer on music-biz questions. "I could always ask him, 'Do you think this is OK to do? Do you think I'm getting tricked?'"

She hasn’t been shy about the ups and downs in her relationship with Offset, like the night in October when she seemed to break up and make up with him on Instagram in the course of several hours. She also hasn’t been shy about her intentions to marry him — and, a few days before Halloween, Offset made her dreams come true, popping the question at a Philly concert with a raindrop-shaped ring. She knows she wants to have a family. "I need to make money for my family and my future family," she says. "I'm not a YOLO person. I think 25 years from now. I think about my future kids, future husband, future house."

And where exactly will she be in 25 years? She smiles dreamily, and says, "I see myself cursin' at my kids."

[mst3kproject]

804: The Deadly Mantis

Dear Janet from Devil Fish: I'm sorry I called you the world's worst paleontologist.  That was mean and entirely undeserved – you are a much better paleontologist than Dr. Jackson from The Deadly Mantis.  You at least realize that sharks are a type of jawed fish, while Dr. Jackson seems to think they're a type of plant.  I would send you chocolates or something along with this apology, but you got strangled by a man with a concrete face.  Too bad the same thing cannot be said of Dr. Jackson.  Yours sincerely, the MST3K Project.

The Deadly Mantis begins with Newton's third law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  For example, if a volcano erupts in the South Atlantic, that'll cause vibrations in the Earth's crust, which in turn trigger iceberg calving at the north pole, thus allowing a giant mantis to thaw out after millions of years in the ice!  Clearly.  QED.

I guess I could describe what happens in the movie. I could tell you about the buildings and vehicles destroyed, and the scientists and military who try to solve this mantis problem, but I don't think there'd be any point.  The Deadly Mantis is another paint-by-numbers movie, kind of like The Mole People, where it feels like the producers made a list and checked stuff off.  Monster?  Check.  Hero?  Check.  Scientist? Check.  Girl?  Check.  The whole thing comes across as perfunctory and we never really care about what's going on.  The Deadly Mantis is almost entirely filler.

Despite that, I do kind of like this movie.  It's very bad, but it's not rage-inducing like some others I could name.  It's mildly racist in that everybody in it is white as WonderBread (except the Inuit in the footage borrowed from SOS Eisberg), but there's nothing explicitly offensive.  It takes the time to show us what's going on instead of just telling us, even though what's going on is dull.  And there are a number of little oddities that give The Deadly Mantis a surprising amount of personality.

For example, there's our first non-map sequence – seven minutes or so spent educating us about the network of RADAR that covered North America during the Cold War.  You see, the quickest way between the US and the USSR is over the north pole, so the airspace above Canada had to be carefully watched to make sure nobody was attacking anybody else.  The arrangement caused Canada considerable anxiety, but since nobody ever listened to my suggestion that we relocate to the Moon, we were stuck with it.  We just had to sit there and hope you guys would have the sense not to bomb each other, when we could have been eating Moon Poutine and watching moose try to deal with one sixth gravity.

This RADAR sequence doesn't feel like it's part of the movie.  It feels like an educational short film that might have turned up on MST3K in its own right.  Narratively, the purpose of this sequence is to tell us what our first batch of mantis fodder is doing staring at RADAR screens way up in the arctic, but I don't know why they couldn't have established that with some dialogue or a sequence in which the mantis is mistaken for an incoming Soviet bomber before vanishing off the screen or something.  The only answer I can come up with is that the military gave them some money for the movie, on condition that they include a bit about how awesome these RADAR fences are.  That would make the sequence the Rocket Attack USA of product placement.

Then there's the rest of Act I, which tries to create a sense of mystery.  Other monster movies have done this.  The Beginning of the End has the town of Ludlow destroyed, with nary a clue by what.  Monster on the Campus tells us that something terrible has happened to Dr. Blake, but although we can guess what it is we must wait to find out exactly.  Godzilla, King of the Monsters begins with the sinking of a ship, and then the same fate befalling the second vessel sent to investigate.  You know what these movies have in common?  They're not called The Giant Locust Invasion, Ape-Man on the Campus, or Godzilla, Giant Fire-Breathing Dinosaur.  In The Deadly Mantis we already know what the monster is, because it's the damn title!

Movies where we already know what the monster is can still create suspense.  In the opening of Jaws we know the shark is creeping up on the swimmer, and it is the anticipation of the attack that makes the suspense.  In Alien we have no idea what the creature is capable of.  Hell, in The Amazing Colossal Man the suspense comes from wondering what Glenn's despair will drive him to do and whether the scientists will be in time to save him.  The Deadly Mantis, with its POV shots and footprints in the snow, behaves as if we're supposed to be wondering what on Earth is causing this chaos, even though we already saw the words The Deadly Mantis over an image of said insect frozen in ice!  As a result, the first half of the movie, before the mantis actually appears to attack the arctic base, feels like we're dawdling around waiting for the characters to catch up with us.

Another oddity is the character of Marge, who acts like she's supposed to be a hardboiled reporter despite the fact that she works for a monthly museum magazine.  Everybody probably gets a copy when they pay admission, and I bet most of them find it in their bag a few days later and just throw it away.  As a result, Marge comes across as slightly deluded, as if she once aspired to write for a major newspaper but this was the only media job she could get, so now she's trying to make it as much like her dream career as she can.

There's the weird bit about how there are no women at the arctic RADAR bases.  This is supposed to be funny but ends up making us worry that the stammering, socially inept corporal will do something like stuff and mount Marge's skin and charge the other guys a buck each to view her.  I think she agrees to dance with him in the hope that he'll be satisfied with that and spend the night jerking off in his room instead of lurking outside her window. I don’t remember if the movie gives him a name.  I think of him as Corporal Gein.

And of course there's Dr. Nedrick Jackson, the movie's supposedly brilliant scientist who cannot tell his own ass from a hole in the ground, or an ant from a beetle.  Let's take a look at some of his statements.

('Nedrick' is apparently a real name.  The closest thing I can find to a famous bearer of it is Nedrick Young, the real name of screenwriter Nathan E. Douglas.  He wrote The Defiant Ones and Jailhouse Rock.  I'm gonna assume he changed his name because people reacted to it the same way Mike and the bots react to Dr. Jackson: “Nedrick?!”)

While examining the Mantis claw, he says it appears to be made of 'gristle or cartilage' rather than bone.  First of all, 'gristle' and 'cartilage' are the same thing.  Second, an insect's exoskeleton is not made of cartilage, it's made of chitin, which is a totally different protein.  This is hardly specialized knowledge – I remember learning it in high school biology.

Then he announces that the claw can't be from an animal, 'because every known species of animal has a bony skeleton'.  Never mind that he just identified the claw as cartilage, which is only found in animals.  Never mind that animals with skeletons have cartilaginous parts, like the cartilage in your knee that allows the joint to move freely without bone scraping over bone, or the cartilage that gives your nose and ears their shape.  And never mind that he goes on to list things without skeletons as including 'worms, snails, insects, gillfish'... all of which are clearly animals. The fact that he feels a need to mention that birds and reptiles have bony skeletons suggests that he's using the word 'animal' to mean 'mammal', which is a thing laypeople sometimes do, but a scientist would not.

'The ant inside this amber is at least ninety million years old', he says, showing us a stag beetle encased in acrylic, like those keychains you can buy at the Museum of Natural History. I used to have a computer mouse like that, with a little scorpion in it. It lit up. I wonder what I did with it.

The female praying mantis, he tells us, 'invariably destroys her mate after he has fulfilled his function in life'.  This does happen, but we don't know how often.  It seems to be something the female does when she is under undue stress, and having humans or cameras hovering there watching tends to stress her.  Like Schroedinger's Cat, the male mantis is both eaten and un-eaten until somebody looks... and then he generally gets eaten.

'A geological world [in which] the smallest insects were the size of man!'  No they weren't!  In the Carboniferous there were indeed giant insects, but that two-foot dragonfly was about as big as they got. Anyway, the oldest-known fossil mantis is only about a hundred and forty-five million years old, while the giant dragonfly, Meganeura, is over twice that old.  Meganeura was able to grow that big because there was far more oxygen in the Carboniferous atmosphere.  Mantises, which evolved in the Jurassic, have never been much bigger than they are now.

'The deerfly goes six hundred [miles] per hour'.  The deerfly is indeed among the fastest insects, able to reach a top speed of ninety miles per hour.  Also, fuck you, Dr. Jackson, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Maybe that's why I like this movie – it makes such absurd assertions with such a straight face.  Maybe it's because the actual mantis puppet is really pretty cool.  Or maybe I'm just fondly remembering the MST3K episode, which includes space country radio and such timeless gems as tell the Eskimos I deeply respect their culture but they're also very delicious and of course the immortal but I've got a mantis in my pantis!

[wallpaperpainter]

10 Things Nobody Told You About Simple Tree Painting | Simple Tree Painting

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Pianist Jonathan Biss, whose abundant e-performances back the coronavirus beginning accept been apparent by hundreds of bags above the web, gives a video account in abutment of online fundraiser Artist Relief Timberline (ART) on Wednesday, May 20 at 7:00 p.m. ET.

The account is chargeless to watch, but admirers are encouraged to accord to ART, which was accustomed to abutment artists afflicted financially by COVID-19. Mr. Biss performs Schumann’s Kreisleriana, selections from Janáček’s On an Overgrown Path, and two works by Mozart-Piano Sonata in F major, K 533/494, and Rondo in A minor, K 511. Additionally, he interviews Molly Carr and Andrew Janss, Co-Directors of the non-profit alignment PROJECT: MUSIC HEALS US, and all four associates of the New York-based Aizuri Quartet-offering admirers an on-the-ground angle of how the agreeable association is afflicted by and responding to the coronavirus crisis.

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The achievement will be streamed on Facebook by ART (facebook.com/artistrelieftree) and Mr. Biss (facebook.com/JonathanBiss) and on YouTube by ART (click here). To break up to date on animate details, see artistrelieftree.com.

Jonathan Biss, an ART Ambassador, said:

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“The COVID crisis is existential for the abounding bags of freelance artists above the country. We cannot accept a allusive aesthetic activity after them; they are essential! I’m so beholden to ART for leaping into activity to abode this burning need, and allure anybody to accompany me in acknowledging them.”

ART Co-Founder Morgan Brophy said:

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“The ambition is to accommodate extensive abutment for artists of all disciplines via a simple appliance process, quick and accessible admission to funds, and abounding transparency. We cannot achievement to alter an artist’s absent assets entirely. Our mission is to advance administration our aggregate assets to advice accumulate the aesthetic association alive. Like the timberline in our name, we appetite to accompany anniversary basis and annex of our association calm to abutment anniversary other.”

Mr. Biss annal this account from his home in Philadelphia, with equipment, engineering, and alteration abundantly provided for chargeless from Drew Schlegel. Mr. Biss’s aboriginal account from home was a March 26 affairs for the 92nd Street Y, breadth he had been appointed to perform. This performance, beheld added than 280,000 times on Facebook, was one of the aboriginal broadly beheld online classical contest of the coronavirus era. Mr. Biss’s #DailyBeethoven videos from backward March to backward April additionally garnered a adherent following, and aftermost anniversary he was presented in an all-Beethoven account for The Gilmore’s Virtually Gilmore web series. His added accommodating activities amidst the coronavirus crisis accept included a account achievement for Music for Food,

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How to Get Into an Art Gallery Part 2: Top 6 Questions Answered How to Get Gallery Representation

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/how-to-get-into-an-art-gallery-part-2-top-6-questions-answered-how-to-get-gallery-representation/

How to Get Into an Art Gallery Part 2: Top 6 Questions Answered How to Get Gallery Representation

Hello! Hiya it is Dena Tollefson and welcome to my studio. I am so completely satisfied to have you here and say good day to my little buddy Muffin. Yes and my cockatiels Groche and Romeo correct there. Modern-day topic is going to be a particularly major topic, its tips on how to get into an artwork gallery. I’m gonna be painting, even as i’m speaking i will be painting and you’ll be able to see me painting this little Lily painting that i have here in oil done in my signature Daubism process after which we’ll talk a little bit bit about how I received into an art gallery. I’ve been represented at galleries considering the fact that the 12 months 2000 so i am a reputable artist out of Cedar Rapids Iowa in the USA and i’ve a there is a art gallery in my fatherland corner condo Gallery, Milward Farrell great art in Madison, Wisconsin and in Illinois Quad metropolis Arts and Santa Fe New Mexico, Canon street state-of-the-art art and in San Diego California i’ve Adelman quality art.These galleries characterize my originals I also have prints that I do through licensing and that kind of factor through my internet site DenaTollefson.Com as good as I Canvas.Com they usually characterize my prints worldwide. So brand new matter is – is the right way to get into an artwork gallery and what worked for me and art galleries should not for every person but for me they’ve been only a distinctive way to get my artwork out there. Galleries will make the earnings for you, they ship the work to the customer to the purchaser they build up your collector base after which they’ve simply been definitely special for me so i hope that sharing some of this know-how may even aid you for your artwork profession and i’ve a list of questions so I did a video a few months in the past "find out how to Get Into an art Gallery" phase one and these had been a bunch of questions that you simply guys wrote me so contemporary video is gonna be tackling all of those questions so i’ll simply offer you a couple of them right here one of the vital questions is: What sizes of artworks to galleries need? What sells the high-quality acrylic oil pastel or watercolor? Do I need to body my work? Advice do you’ve gotten for anybody simply beginning out? How do I get into an artwork gallery if i’m a pupil or do I have to wait, and the way did you start out let’s have a look at how did you begin out what advice do you give to me or would you aid what advice would you give to me? So those are our questions, and i’m gonna reply those and a bunch of the other questions that you had asked and i am hoping that if you haven’t already subscribed to my channel that you will, and please ring the bell.There is like a little bit notification bell that you may ring. Please ring that bell and when you do then YouTube will notify you anytime that i have a brand new video and i relatively hope that you are going to like subscribe and ring the notification bell please additionally in case you have additional questions after this tutorial is over please write me a remark or in case you are additionally already in artwork galleries please supply probably the most knowledge that you’ve got that maybe worthy to others who’re looking to get into a gallery. So with none further ado let’s get started and and Muffin says just right success good good fortune excellent success entering into a gallery and so I desire the entire high-quality to you and hugs and kisses so let’s get right to our questions our first question is What do galleries want? So a gallery is gonna need to see a cohesive body of work from an artist and a cohesive physique which means that they’re gonna need to see at least ten objects which can be an identical of their variety and have a exact appear or have a look that you would be able to say oh i can inform that this was once made by way of this artist and it’s predominant that it doesn’t necessarily imply that they’re the same colours or the identical measurement but there must be a connecting look during the entire work the opposite factor that a gallery is looking for is they want you to have an internet presence so ideally you are going to have a internet site in the event you should not have a internet site then they also would wish you to have maybe an Instagram or YouTube fb that kind of factor however ideally you’ll have a website they’re going to need you to be handy to work with and the harsh fact is that for each art gallery that’s out there there are dozens typically countless numbers or even 1000’s of artists looking to get in to that gallery so the gallery owner really gets to prefer and prefer who they’ll work with and every person likes people that are simpler to work with and it is nobody needs to work with a diva so be definite to put your fine foot ahead with that and being accommodating as possible do not be a pushover of direction however you wish to have to be accommodating and great to work with and and that’ll be useful they usually’re additionally a gallery is going to be looking at whatever that matches their aesthetic so when you appear at the gallery internet site and that you would be able to appear and see what form of labor they’ve should you seem at that and also you suppose what my work would not particularly slot in that at all look smart or the feeling of it would not fit and that you could pass on that gallery and focal point on different ones which are gonna look like your work so there are all types of galleries out there there is a gallery for each kind of labor and whether or not you are a sculptor or you are a pitcher artist or a painter there is a gallery in the market for you some galleries incorporate a kind of distinct mediums and a few quite focus on just one factor but a hundred percentage there are galleries for every variety of work now an additional thing that a gallery goes to be wanting to to appear for is they may be gonna want it in view that it’s a business they may be gonna be looking for anything that they think is sellable or some thing that they suppose that they can earn money from and what that does not mean is bland or prevalent work what they are watching for is whatever that’s going to make a collector wish to buy your work and typically by means of the gallery you is not going to comprehend who bought your work and so it is not going to be a thing like you’ve gotten a individual relationship with the person who buys it so it desires to be a thing where the collector connects with your work through that by way of seeing it in the gallery they usually want to bring it into their atmosphere so so be if you’re fascinated about generally emotional work work that’s targeted work that excites or sparks some thing in persons’s creativeness tends to do very well in in a gallery and the opposite factor to suppose about is that a gallery is going to wish to have a working relationship with you they’re going to wish to have a good personal relationship with you and likewise a just right working trade relationship with you so that’s what they may be gonna be watching for.So our 2nd query is How do you get into an art gallery? Well both your it is gonna be one of two matters either you ask them or they ask you it is form of relationship and at the commencing of your art career you are gonna in finding that you can be the one asking after which later to your artwork profession you’ll to find that you can be asking commonly and as soon as in a while an art gallery might be coming to you and asking if they are able to represent you which ones is always super wonderful and how you get right into a gallery you might marvel good how you know the way do i’m going about doing that or how would I get in a gallery if if I don’t know any person so the trick could be to getting to know different artists and getting to know people in your artwork neighborhood and if that you could get into as many reveals as possible get into social media build your manufacturer through social media that you could go and develop your internet presence by way of commenting and following galleries that you just like create be definite to create some advertising substances i’ve a video talks about the best way to create postcards or snail mail in case you have an exhibit not tremendous powerful snail mail is genuinely nonetheless one of the tremendous potent approaches to to to do some advertising and marketing trade playing cards when you find yourself at an event an artwork occasion handing out what you are promoting card to let persons comprehend that you’re an artist they will have you wish to have to have your contact information on there and have your title your email and your social media accounts after which having these ten equivalent portions in a position to move for any variety of an exhibit or a sale start an beginning a file of earnings so these first earnings that you’re making are going to be they may be gonna be sluggish to start with it may be days works you realize days or perhaps weeks or years to develop a relationship with a gallery however simply be sufferer and it is going to happen over time be definite to scout galleries that fit your aesthetic and your current fee factor and once you have a gallery identified in your neighborhood community be sure to attend the art routine that they have.On too our subsequent question "I are living in a small metropolis and don’t wish to move. Support!" i really like this question and i will say that it is nice information you do not need to transfer to a gigantic metropolis or a massive artwork mecca a giant arts middle with the intention to be a successful artist and be represented in galleries the internet makes an ease of shipping make it definitely quite as a substitute effortless to are living out within the boonies and be equipped to be in artwork galleries twenty years ago this was a greater predicament but now it’s it is honestly quite practicable so the secret’s to regional find your neighborhood art community you could google go to pc and Google your city’s name after which with the plus sign and then artwork so that you are living in you recognize Bismarck Bismark and artwork and what is going to happen is which you can get a listing of all the art happenings and the artwork scene for your city and you could start today to begin getting concerned with your local artwork community and what is going to occur is you can start due to the fact there are some opportunities to show off you’ll assembly artwork collectors by way of this you’ll meeting gallery house owners that sort of factor and begin building these relationships and whilst you do this and locally what is going to happen is revenue and all these other things will happen naturally and then the gallery will then be representing you so so getting into that first gallery is simply as simple as building up friendships and relationships with the nearby gallery owners and no matter the place you reside on the earth they’re going to invariably be in local art group that you can have entry to and also you would must you know pressure a short distance you recognize or possibly even a medium degree distance to get to that artwork neighborhood however optimistically it can be you know it’s inside a ten or 20 minute drive perhaps it is going to be a 30 or a minute driver you in an hour but but it surely’s a factor the place that you would be able to begin attending events and getting to grasp humans artwork and art earnings and art galleries are rather about relationships and constructing up a company for your self a popularity for yourself and what is going to occur then is opportunities will come to you so so simply give that a risk this next query is just right."i’m thoroughly new to this. What advice do you supply for someone opening out?" So in case you are a student that you could be exhibiting now for your at your tuition so whether it can be an art tuition or it’s like a excessive tuition center school college university anything it is there will be some art displays and if you are involved in the art software then that you can be exhibiting in these hobbies that’s continuously a excellent strategy to be certain to work along with your artwork trainer or artwork professor allow them to know that you need to get started in your art career and they’ll also be ready to aid you tap into movements and they’ll have connections that can support you get started in case you are already out of institution or aren’t attending tuition and you’re additionally if you’re in school you are able to do what’s called a neighborhood exhibit and a group exhibit would be anything that’s in an artwork gallery or industrial artwork gallery or a juried show which you could showcase in libraries cafes eating places your general practitioner’s place of job nonprofit businesses your dentist your beauty a beauty location that you simply go to any of these locations automobile dealerships something that may benefit from having artwork up on the partitions is a candidate to get your work out there so it is tremendous key to exhibiting whether or not when you’re first starting out or particularly any time to your artwork profession you rather need to be capable to get that art out into the public so men and women can see so seeing your work also on-line is very primary having an Instagram account snapchat Instagram fb YouTube any of these matters it is it’s principal to your possess website these are all predominant matters to strengthen your internet presence and to increase your manufacturer so you wish to have to be working on your brand simply going to be the representation of you as an character on your work a colossal suggestion could be to get a part-time job or a full-time job and even an internship or a volunteering and an art exhibition space or in a commercial artwork gallery what’s high-quality about that’s that you would be able to be trained the ropes it is a rapid monitor solution to meet the gallery proprietor get to grasp how the trade works the fine details of the business but numerous persons have gotten into our galleries by using in reality working there first and it’s a it can be a excellent a best factor to do."How do I select that art gallery?" So identifying an artwork gallery that suits your present rate point of your work is the quality place to so if you have not sold whatever but or possibly you bought very little decide on an entry-level gallery and that you may inform the cost points of the gallery by both going and looking at their what variety of sizes after which headquartered on the size and the price if it is matching with what you already have and that might be a relatively excellent candidate for you now shall we say that you go in and the gallery is promoting matters that are much much less steeply-priced than your current price point just cross that off your list due to the fact that the notion is that you need to choose things which are at your current rate degree or greater and so you wish to have to be in a position to grow with the gallery now if you are watching and you see that your current your present fee record or current costs are much so much much much cut down than the gallery you are watching at then that you may maintain that gallery on a watch list and be considering of them for future but it surely rather is all about getting the matching being fee point of the gallery to what your present costs are that is a excellent competencies thing so as to take days and weeks and years to land a specific gallery commonly it’s a topic of being in the proper situation at the correct time the place possibly the gallery is pronouncing howdy I’ve wish to add you know i’m watching to fill this or I’ve received collectors asking me for this sort of work and then you definitely probably able to you recognize be within the correct situation at the right time and other occasions it’s a topic of simply over an extended period of time they get accustomed to you you get aware of them after which and then I one of these usual match from there ok so our next query is, " am self-taught.Will a gallery take me?" Now i’m living proof that 100 percent yes you could be represented via art galleries if you’re self-taught. So i’ve a number of friends, art pals who’re ranging all the approach from self-taught to artwork professors you realize art education gives numerous advantages they may offer you experience through artwork you realize for the professors they are going to give you opportunities to exhibit by way of the by means of the university or the university and they will have all forms of critiques they will be competent to help you get your artwork career launched now if you are self-taught as i am then you are gonna have to gain knowledge of this to your possess nevertheless it obviously may also be completed and it can be quite a few it is really a fun process so one additionally one I simply factor out that there are some art galleries who do require a bachelor’s or a grasp’s artwork measure but you’ll be able to be ready to inform that beautiful rapidly for those who go appear on the internet site but if you look at a gallery that you are take a seem at their website should you seem on the About part or about Us section you’re gonna be ready to discover if they are saying that they characterize academics or all of the artists are academically educated that sort of a factor and let’s say for instance you should not have an art art experience are you and that that artwork measure then you might understand you’d want to preclude that gallery but many many many many galleries normally don’t even care in the event you went to art university or no longer what they may be rather looking at is you realize does their work fetch does your work fit with their aesthetic would your work match with the opposite artists that they have got have you made any sales or no longer of your work did they such as you as a individual do fee aspects line up how do they think about your work do they suppose that you’ve got promised as a as an artist and and do they think that they may be able to sell your work so so it is really going to depend upon the gallery proprietor and what they’re looking for however however however undoubtedly verify out and notice in the About part and you’ll be able to be ready to inform them rather rapidly sure an art measure is required or now not but don’t let that trouble you in the event you do not have one it is it’s you recognize an interesting assignment and art is one of those things that you can do effectively without a degree. So our subsequent query is "What sizes of paintings the galleries need? What sells fine acrylic oil pastel or watercolor? Do I have to frame my work?" ok so the straightforward reply to to the query of what sizes and what kind of labor do I have got to body the easy reply is it is dependent so every gallery goes to have their possess preferences on what they sell with their customers like if matters are framed or unframed on the whole if a gallery is greater than ordinary if you do style of extra average work then regularly that’s gonna be framed and the extra modern gallery is gonna want things unframed when you’ve got a should you go to a gallery that also is a frame save or does framing oftentimes they will need you to provide some pieces of work if you are doing two-dimensional work that are unframed that they may be able to then frame for the purchasers or they would ask you to furnish with a unframed cost and a frame fee so like let’s assume for example you brought in a piece and it already was framed the purchaser needs to have it reframed then then they might go forward and do this for the patron and they could give you the body back or they would just incorporate that within the fee some thing like that so they’re most often very flexible about that now what you’ll to find is whilst you exit and look at galleries they are gonna flip to the gallery proprietor goes to be telling to pick things that he’ll to them after which enchantment to their collector base so there shall be galleries which can be focusing you already know for example on pastel or focusing on watercolor there’ll be some galleries that have bought a huge sort of matters they may be providing you understand acrylics oils pastels watercolors framed unframed after which you’re gonna get some that are that specialize in say for instance miniatures or very big work and so whilst you look the important thing could be exit to the internet and take a appear and they’re going to continuously be not continuously however in most cases there will be a page which you can appear at that’s both gonna record the artists and then or there’ll be something that may be like watching on the paintings objects for sale and from you could take repeatedly they are going to record the dimensions and the rate in general some thing no longer normally with the work and you could take a seem at that and get a think to look does your work healthy up with the sizes and the medium of what you’re gonna be promoting so when you did sculpture in the event you did glass should you did artwork in the event you did fiber depending on what you might have received that you’re making what always tends to work great is to go to a gallery that’s already selling the kind of thing that you are selling so in the event you went to a gallery that has zero sculptures in it and your sculptor probabilities are excellent that they’re gonna no longer be looking to symbolize you due to the fact it can be whatever exceptional than what they’re already doing now as soon as in a while you’ll run right into a thing where your stuff doesn’t always line up but they may be watching to perhaps expand into some thing else so you realize don’t necessarily stop on those galleries on account that they don’t have what you have obtained it can be that they want to broaden into your niche so you know so that you can consistently sort of keep that in intellect as good i’m hoping that this video has been necessary for you and don’t forget to subscribe and ring the notification bell and and if that you could give me a like i would admire that many shares of this video would be fairly liked and so I want to say thanks and i am hoping to peer you once more in my studio please depart any extra follow-on questions that you simply could have and leave these in the feedback and that i appreciate you and until next time this is Dena Tollefson.Bye bye .

[batterymonster2021]

How to Get Into an Art Gallery Part 2: Top 6 Questions Answered How to Get Gallery Representation

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How to Get Into an Art Gallery Part 2: Top 6 Questions Answered How to Get Gallery Representation

Hello! Hiya it is Dena Tollefson and welcome to my studio. I am so completely satisfied to have you here and say good day to my little buddy Muffin. Yes and my cockatiels Groche and Romeo correct there. Modern-day topic is going to be a particularly major topic, its tips on how to get into an artwork gallery. I’m gonna be painting, even as i’m speaking i will be painting and you’ll be able to see me painting this little Lily painting that i have here in oil done in my signature Daubism process after which we’ll talk a little bit bit about how I received into an art gallery. I’ve been represented at galleries considering the fact that the 12 months 2000 so i am a reputable artist out of Cedar Rapids Iowa in the USA and i’ve a there is a art gallery in my fatherland corner condo Gallery, Milward Farrell great art in Madison, Wisconsin and in Illinois Quad metropolis Arts and Santa Fe New Mexico, Canon street state-of-the-art art and in San Diego California i’ve Adelman quality art.These galleries characterize my originals I also have prints that I do through licensing and that kind of factor through my internet site DenaTollefson.Com as good as I Canvas.Com they usually characterize my prints worldwide. So brand new matter is – is the right way to get into an artwork gallery and what worked for me and art galleries should not for every person but for me they’ve been only a distinctive way to get my artwork out there. Galleries will make the earnings for you, they ship the work to the customer to the purchaser they build up your collector base after which they’ve simply been definitely special for me so i hope that sharing some of this know-how may even aid you for your artwork profession and i’ve a list of questions so I did a video a few months in the past "find out how to Get Into an art Gallery" phase one and these had been a bunch of questions that you simply guys wrote me so contemporary video is gonna be tackling all of those questions so i’ll simply offer you a couple of them right here one of the vital questions is: What sizes of artworks to galleries need? What sells the high-quality acrylic oil pastel or watercolor? Do I need to body my work? Advice do you’ve gotten for anybody simply beginning out? How do I get into an artwork gallery if i’m a pupil or do I have to wait, and the way did you start out let’s have a look at how did you begin out what advice do you give to me or would you aid what advice would you give to me? So those are our questions, and i’m gonna reply those and a bunch of the other questions that you had asked and i am hoping that if you haven’t already subscribed to my channel that you will, and please ring the bell.There is like a little bit notification bell that you may ring. Please ring that bell and when you do then YouTube will notify you anytime that i have a brand new video and i relatively hope that you are going to like subscribe and ring the notification bell please additionally in case you have additional questions after this tutorial is over please write me a remark or in case you are additionally already in artwork galleries please supply probably the most knowledge that you’ve got that maybe worthy to others who’re looking to get into a gallery. So with none further ado let’s get started and and Muffin says just right success good good fortune excellent success entering into a gallery and so I desire the entire high-quality to you and hugs and kisses so let’s get right to our questions our first question is What do galleries want? So a gallery is gonna need to see a cohesive body of work from an artist and a cohesive physique which means that they’re gonna need to see at least ten objects which can be an identical of their variety and have a exact appear or have a look that you would be able to say oh i can inform that this was once made by way of this artist and it’s predominant that it doesn’t necessarily imply that they’re the same colours or the identical measurement but there must be a connecting look during the entire work the opposite factor that a gallery is looking for is they want you to have an internet presence so ideally you are going to have a internet site in the event you should not have a internet site then they also would wish you to have maybe an Instagram or YouTube fb that kind of factor however ideally you’ll have a website they’re going to need you to be handy to work with and the harsh fact is that for each art gallery that’s out there there are dozens typically countless numbers or even 1000’s of artists looking to get in to that gallery so the gallery owner really gets to prefer and prefer who they’ll work with and every person likes people that are simpler to work with and it is nobody needs to work with a diva so be definite to put your fine foot ahead with that and being accommodating as possible do not be a pushover of direction however you wish to have to be accommodating and great to work with and and that’ll be useful they usually’re additionally a gallery is going to be looking at whatever that matches their aesthetic so when you appear at the gallery internet site and that you would be able to appear and see what form of labor they’ve should you seem at that and also you suppose what my work would not particularly slot in that at all look smart or the feeling of it would not fit and that you could pass on that gallery and focal point on different ones which are gonna look like your work so there are all types of galleries out there there is a gallery for each kind of labor and whether or not you are a sculptor or you are a pitcher artist or a painter there is a gallery in the market for you some galleries incorporate a kind of distinct mediums and a few quite focus on just one factor but a hundred percentage there are galleries for every variety of work now an additional thing that a gallery goes to be wanting to to appear for is they may be gonna want it in view that it’s a business they may be gonna be looking for anything that they think is sellable or some thing that they suppose that they can earn money from and what that does not mean is bland or prevalent work what they are watching for is whatever that’s going to make a collector wish to buy your work and typically by means of the gallery you is not going to comprehend who bought your work and so it is not going to be a thing like you’ve gotten a individual relationship with the person who buys it so it desires to be a thing where the collector connects with your work through that by way of seeing it in the gallery they usually want to bring it into their atmosphere so so be if you’re fascinated about generally emotional work work that’s targeted work that excites or sparks some thing in persons’s creativeness tends to do very well in in a gallery and the opposite factor to suppose about is that a gallery is going to wish to have a working relationship with you they’re going to wish to have a good personal relationship with you and likewise a just right working trade relationship with you so that’s what they may be gonna be watching for.So our 2nd query is How do you get into an art gallery? Well both your it is gonna be one of two matters either you ask them or they ask you it is form of relationship and at the commencing of your art career you are gonna in finding that you can be the one asking after which later to your artwork profession you’ll to find that you can be asking commonly and as soon as in a while an art gallery might be coming to you and asking if they are able to represent you which ones is always super wonderful and how you get right into a gallery you might marvel good how you know the way do i’m going about doing that or how would I get in a gallery if if I don’t know any person so the trick could be to getting to know different artists and getting to know people in your artwork neighborhood and if that you could get into as many reveals as possible get into social media build your manufacturer through social media that you could go and develop your internet presence by way of commenting and following galleries that you just like create be definite to create some advertising substances i’ve a video talks about the best way to create postcards or snail mail in case you have an exhibit not tremendous powerful snail mail is genuinely nonetheless one of the tremendous potent approaches to to to do some advertising and marketing trade playing cards when you find yourself at an event an artwork occasion handing out what you are promoting card to let persons comprehend that you’re an artist they will have you wish to have to have your contact information on there and have your title your email and your social media accounts after which having these ten equivalent portions in a position to move for any variety of an exhibit or a sale start an beginning a file of earnings so these first earnings that you’re making are going to be they may be gonna be sluggish to start with it may be days works you realize days or perhaps weeks or years to develop a relationship with a gallery however simply be sufferer and it is going to happen over time be definite to scout galleries that fit your aesthetic and your current fee factor and once you have a gallery identified in your neighborhood community be sure to attend the art routine that they have.On too our subsequent question "I are living in a small metropolis and don’t wish to move. Support!" i really like this question and i will say that it is nice information you do not need to transfer to a gigantic metropolis or a massive artwork mecca a giant arts middle with the intention to be a successful artist and be represented in galleries the internet makes an ease of shipping make it definitely quite as a substitute effortless to are living out within the boonies and be equipped to be in artwork galleries twenty years ago this was a greater predicament but now it’s it is honestly quite practicable so the secret’s to regional find your neighborhood art community you could google go to pc and Google your city’s name after which with the plus sign and then artwork so that you are living in you recognize Bismarck Bismark and artwork and what is going to happen is which you can get a listing of all the art happenings and the artwork scene for your city and you could start today to begin getting concerned with your local artwork community and what is going to occur is you can start due to the fact there are some opportunities to show off you’ll assembly artwork collectors by way of this you’ll meeting gallery house owners that sort of factor and begin building these relationships and whilst you do this and locally what is going to happen is revenue and all these other things will happen naturally and then the gallery will then be representing you so so getting into that first gallery is simply as simple as building up friendships and relationships with the nearby gallery owners and no matter the place you reside on the earth they’re going to invariably be in local art group that you can have entry to and also you would must you know pressure a short distance you recognize or possibly even a medium degree distance to get to that artwork neighborhood however optimistically it can be you know it’s inside a ten or 20 minute drive perhaps it is going to be a 30 or a minute driver you in an hour but but it surely’s a factor the place that you would be able to begin attending events and getting to grasp humans artwork and art earnings and art galleries are rather about relationships and constructing up a company for your self a popularity for yourself and what is going to occur then is opportunities will come to you so so simply give that a risk this next query is just right."i’m thoroughly new to this. What advice do you supply for someone opening out?" So in case you are a student that you could be exhibiting now for your at your tuition so whether it can be an art tuition or it’s like a excessive tuition center school college university anything it is there will be some art displays and if you are involved in the art software then that you can be exhibiting in these hobbies that’s continuously a excellent strategy to be certain to work along with your artwork trainer or artwork professor allow them to know that you need to get started in your art career and they’ll also be ready to aid you tap into movements and they’ll have connections that can support you get started in case you are already out of institution or aren’t attending tuition and you’re additionally if you’re in school you are able to do what’s called a neighborhood exhibit and a group exhibit would be anything that’s in an artwork gallery or industrial artwork gallery or a juried show which you could showcase in libraries cafes eating places your general practitioner’s place of job nonprofit businesses your dentist your beauty a beauty location that you simply go to any of these locations automobile dealerships something that may benefit from having artwork up on the partitions is a candidate to get your work out there so it is tremendous key to exhibiting whether or not when you’re first starting out or particularly any time to your artwork profession you rather need to be capable to get that art out into the public so men and women can see so seeing your work also on-line is very primary having an Instagram account snapchat Instagram fb YouTube any of these matters it is it’s principal to your possess website these are all predominant matters to strengthen your internet presence and to increase your manufacturer so you wish to have to be working on your brand simply going to be the representation of you as an character on your work a colossal suggestion could be to get a part-time job or a full-time job and even an internship or a volunteering and an art exhibition space or in a commercial artwork gallery what’s high-quality about that’s that you would be able to be trained the ropes it is a rapid monitor solution to meet the gallery proprietor get to grasp how the trade works the fine details of the business but numerous persons have gotten into our galleries by using in reality working there first and it’s a it can be a excellent a best factor to do."How do I select that art gallery?" So identifying an artwork gallery that suits your present rate point of your work is the quality place to so if you have not sold whatever but or possibly you bought very little decide on an entry-level gallery and that you may inform the cost points of the gallery by both going and looking at their what variety of sizes after which headquartered on the size and the price if it is matching with what you already have and that might be a relatively excellent candidate for you now shall we say that you go in and the gallery is promoting matters that are much much less steeply-priced than your current price point just cross that off your list due to the fact that the notion is that you need to choose things which are at your current rate degree or greater and so you wish to have to be in a position to grow with the gallery now if you are watching and you see that your current your present fee record or current costs are much so much much much cut down than the gallery you are watching at then that you may maintain that gallery on a watch list and be considering of them for future but it surely rather is all about getting the matching being fee point of the gallery to what your present costs are that is a excellent competencies thing so as to take days and weeks and years to land a specific gallery commonly it’s a topic of being in the proper situation at the correct time the place possibly the gallery is pronouncing howdy I’ve wish to add you know i’m watching to fill this or I’ve received collectors asking me for this sort of work and then you definitely probably able to you recognize be within the correct situation at the right time and other occasions it’s a topic of simply over an extended period of time they get accustomed to you you get aware of them after which and then I one of these usual match from there ok so our next query is, " am self-taught.Will a gallery take me?" Now i’m living proof that 100 percent yes you could be represented via art galleries if you’re self-taught. So i’ve a number of friends, art pals who’re ranging all the approach from self-taught to artwork professors you realize art education gives numerous advantages they may offer you experience through artwork you realize for the professors they are going to give you opportunities to exhibit by way of the by means of the university or the university and they will have all forms of critiques they will be competent to help you get your artwork career launched now if you are self-taught as i am then you are gonna have to gain knowledge of this to your possess nevertheless it obviously may also be completed and it can be quite a few it is really a fun process so one additionally one I simply factor out that there are some art galleries who do require a bachelor’s or a grasp’s artwork measure but you’ll be able to be ready to inform that beautiful rapidly for those who go appear on the internet site but if you look at a gallery that you are take a seem at their website should you seem on the About part or about Us section you’re gonna be ready to discover if they are saying that they characterize academics or all of the artists are academically educated that sort of a factor and let’s say for instance you should not have an art art experience are you and that that artwork measure then you might understand you’d want to preclude that gallery but many many many many galleries normally don’t even care in the event you went to art university or no longer what they may be rather looking at is you realize does their work fetch does your work fit with their aesthetic would your work match with the opposite artists that they have got have you made any sales or no longer of your work did they such as you as a individual do fee aspects line up how do they think about your work do they suppose that you’ve got promised as a as an artist and and do they think that they may be able to sell your work so so it is really going to depend upon the gallery proprietor and what they’re looking for however however however undoubtedly verify out and notice in the About part and you’ll be able to be ready to inform them rather rapidly sure an art measure is required or now not but don’t let that trouble you in the event you do not have one it is it’s you recognize an interesting assignment and art is one of those things that you can do effectively without a degree. So our subsequent query is "What sizes of paintings the galleries need? What sells fine acrylic oil pastel or watercolor? Do I have to frame my work?" ok so the straightforward reply to to the query of what sizes and what kind of labor do I have got to body the easy reply is it is dependent so every gallery goes to have their possess preferences on what they sell with their customers like if matters are framed or unframed on the whole if a gallery is greater than ordinary if you do style of extra average work then regularly that’s gonna be framed and the extra modern gallery is gonna want things unframed when you’ve got a should you go to a gallery that also is a frame save or does framing oftentimes they will need you to provide some pieces of work if you are doing two-dimensional work that are unframed that they may be able to then frame for the purchasers or they would ask you to furnish with a unframed cost and a frame fee so like let’s assume for example you brought in a piece and it already was framed the purchaser needs to have it reframed then then they might go forward and do this for the patron and they could give you the body back or they would just incorporate that within the fee some thing like that so they’re most often very flexible about that now what you’ll to find is whilst you exit and look at galleries they are gonna flip to the gallery proprietor goes to be telling to pick things that he’ll to them after which enchantment to their collector base so there shall be galleries which can be focusing you already know for example on pastel or focusing on watercolor there’ll be some galleries that have bought a huge sort of matters they may be providing you understand acrylics oils pastels watercolors framed unframed after which you’re gonna get some that are that specialize in say for instance miniatures or very big work and so whilst you look the important thing could be exit to the internet and take a appear and they’re going to continuously be not continuously however in most cases there will be a page which you can appear at that’s both gonna record the artists and then or there’ll be something that may be like watching on the paintings objects for sale and from you could take repeatedly they are going to record the dimensions and the rate in general some thing no longer normally with the work and you could take a seem at that and get a think to look does your work healthy up with the sizes and the medium of what you’re gonna be promoting so when you did sculpture in the event you did glass should you did artwork in the event you did fiber depending on what you might have received that you’re making what always tends to work great is to go to a gallery that’s already selling the kind of thing that you are selling so in the event you went to a gallery that has zero sculptures in it and your sculptor probabilities are excellent that they’re gonna no longer be looking to symbolize you due to the fact it can be whatever exceptional than what they’re already doing now as soon as in a while you’ll run right into a thing where your stuff doesn’t always line up but they may be watching to perhaps expand into some thing else so you realize don’t necessarily stop on those galleries on account that they don’t have what you have obtained it can be that they want to broaden into your niche so you know so that you can consistently sort of keep that in intellect as good i’m hoping that this video has been necessary for you and don’t forget to subscribe and ring the notification bell and and if that you could give me a like i would admire that many shares of this video would be fairly liked and so I want to say thanks and i am hoping to peer you once more in my studio please depart any extra follow-on questions that you simply could have and leave these in the feedback and that i appreciate you and until next time this is Dena Tollefson.Bye bye .

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Hell Tours, Cosmic Bodies, Testimonies, and Boba at the Asian Art Museum

Last Thursday evening I had the pleasure of attending an action-packed (!) triple (!) sneak (!) peek (!) of three exhibits debuting at the Asian Art Museum: Divine Bodies (open March 9th through July 29th), A Guided Tour of Hell (April 20th through September 16th), and Testimony (April 6th through June 10th). All three shows are fascinating and unique in their own right, yet connect through their unifying themes of body, identity, and the search for meaning.

But what really got me interested in this event was the promise of boba tea and Korean fried chicken (more on that later)...

Divine Bodies is a beautiful showcase of sculptures, paintings, photography and video weaved together through age-old questions of mortality, transcendence, the sacred and cartoons—okay, not exactly, but the mixture of historical and contemporary art (including old photographs of devotional structures reworked with cheeky doodles and funny captions by photographer Vivan Sundaram) create an interesting blend of old and new, divine and mortal, reverent and playful.

Entering the exhibit, we were first ushered to stand in front of small screens playing interviews of hundreds of people contemplating life, death, and the inevitability of change. The audio was designed to whisper into your ear from above if you stand exactly in the right spot, which gave a eerie and unsettling effect.

Love, the Asian Art Museum

There is so much more to Divine Bodies than can be relayed here. Photography, sculptures, paintings and apt quotations are just the surface of this wonderful exhibit.

An arrangement of Buddha heads collected from across southern Asia, from more than 1500 years ago until the 1300s

The space has been masterfully set by co-curators Qamar Adamjee, Jeffrey Durham, and Karin G. Oen to introduce both historical and religious context while endowing the rooms with a sense of timelessness and cohesion; big questions surround this exhibit, yes, but they are questions we’ve all asked, no matter where we’re from or when we lived.

Vivan Sundaram’s doodles challenge traditional conceptions of the sacred.

Some photographs are less playful than Vivan Sundaram’s, including Gauri Gill’s series Traces and Birth, which captures the intense process of birth as a midwife delivers her granddaughter in the remote deserts of Rajasthan. The pictures are very direct. Despite their being devoid of any traditional religious imagery, their seriousness implies and elicits a kind of reverence for the observer.

There was so much to see, but eventually we had to move on. Next, we took an escalator up to Hell...er, A Guided Tour of Hell, to be more precise.

This is an exhibition of 22 acrylic paintings by Tibetan thangka painter Pema Namdol Thaye; the inspiration for the work came from American-born Buddhist practitioner and teacher Samuel Bercholz after having a near-death experience.

3. Gates of Hell, Pema Namdol Thaye

After suffering from a fatal heart attack during which Bercholz was technically pronounced dead, he experienced powerful visions of “Hell”—fantastical landscapes populated by demons, gods, and other people suffering. Later, after his journey back into this world, he relayed the experience to Thaye and tasked him with constructing a visual representation.

Fans of graphic novels should take note—Thaye’s love of this genre heavily influenced the work, fusing with the artist’s background as a thangka painter to develop a vivid, hallucinogenic style.

16. Triptych, Pema Namdol Thaye

Characters you may come across as you read each of the 22 “panels” are suicide bombers, warlords, dictators, scientists, socialites, and gods and goddesses. The narrative ties closely with traditional notions of karmic suffering, yet is presented with a totally contemporary, even Western aesthetic. Like Divine Bodies, A Guided Tour of Hell playfully blurs the boundaries between established cultural dichotomies without, in this writer’s humble opinion, disrespecting the concepts. There’s some Dante, some Bosch, a little Blake, but all of it is standing upon prominent Buddhist philosophy, and based entirely on Bercholz’s own, unique, near-death experience. Plus, there’s a lot of action and adventure and a pretty satisfying “end” (Bercholz survived the ordeal, after all).

20. Transcend, Pema Namdol Thaye

Before the night was over, I was privileged to make one last stop over to Testimony, an exhibit chronicling the lived experiences of ten documented and undocumented immigrants living in the Bay Area by San Francisco-based artist Eliza Gregory.

After demon battles and ancient sculptural gods provoking such big-picture questions, Testimony was the perfect way to end the night, grounding these ideas in concrete, contemporary, in-your-face real ways. A small room comprised of textual accounts, quotes, and poignant photography, this exhibit invites you to learn briefly about a diverse group of people, all with endearing, individual voices, and powerful stories.

Khanh, San Francisco, 2017

Perspectives are expanded and the world is made somehow both a little bit bigger and more intimate after just a few short minutes in this room. None of the stories feel didactic or staged—everybody truly sounds authentic, different from one another, and immensely engaging; I wanted to learn so much more about each of these people! Those that feel the same will be happy to know printed broadsheets with full interviews of each participant will be available and free for anyone to take home.

Passport Pictures of Nancy and Her Mother, San Francisco, 2017

I highly recommend Testimony for anyone, but especially Bay Area residents (the Asian Art Museum will be its only venue!). This exhibit not only achieves a true sense of intimacy but of realness—these people are neighbors and members of the same community, and their experiences, as unique as each one is, have an uncanny, resonant effect on anybody who knows and lives in these same places. I was so thrilled to end my night on such a relevant note that tied in surprisingly well with Divine Bodies and A Guided Tour of Hell.

Now, I believe I mentioned something about food earlier.

As if three new exhibits weren’t enough, the Asian Art Museum’s refurbished cafe, Sunday at the Museum (part of the museum’s ongoing transformation project—new rooftop terrace coming mid-2019!), catered the event with boba tea (!), miso avocado toast (!!!), Korean fried chicken sandwiches (!!!!), along with other amazing bites.

Korean Fried Chicken Pop-Up AKA “Sunday Bird”

Miso Avocado Toast AKA Holy Sh**

Needless to say (oh, we need to say it), it was absolutely delicious. New York City hot-shot chef Deuki Hong has decided to grace San Francisco with his presence by running the museum’s new cafe alongside Andrew Chau and Bin Chen of Boba Guys. Hong’s menu will include a seasonal rotation of bahn mi, dosa, soup dumplings, jianbing (Chinese breakfast crepes), as well as sommelier-style tea service for handcrafted hot and cold brews.

Don’t bother reading any further—the cafe already opened last month, so drop what you’re doing and hit up the Asian Art Museum ASAP. Check out these three fabulous new exhibits and end your day with something delicious.

By: Daniel Bresnahan