#it’s currently 1am and I haven’t slept AT ALL

[snufkins-boot]

Dc x dp idea: time travel yaaaay

Danny, Sam and Tucker get back from fixing some errors in the time line in France just before the French Revolution.

And sure Danny got mistaken for a French aristocrat that had died the day before they got there but it wasn’t to bad, it only made their jobs easier. It won’t be a problem for them.

Meanwhile Constantine, Batman and whoever the fuck else (imma say Hal, I love that green bitch) are exploring an abandoned manor in France after there being reports of strange, violent activity, and with their latest teammate Phantom not picking up their calls Constantine had to pull these two with him instead.

“Hey guys, Phantom’s a ghost, right?”

Hal sounds hesitant as Constantine replies

“Yes, why?”

“I think I found a picture of him living.”

and there on the wall is a picture of a long dead french aristocrat, with black hair and blue eyes but every other detail the same as Phantom’s

There on the wall sits a photo of Daniel Nightingale, a teenager who was possessed by a demon and killed two servants, then himself.

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Skyline Manor by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 8/13

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche

Chapter 8: Overstepping Lines

Henry sat at the dinner table at his dad’s place, stabbing his fork at the hardened piece of meat on his plate.

“Not hungry, kid?”

He looked up and shrugged, “Not really.”

“How did that reading fair go at your school?”

“Really good. Mom and Killian both came which was neat.”

“That guy from your apartment.” He snorted. “Already moved on to a new one, huh?”

“Killian is my friend. I invited him.”

“You just invited an adult to your school thing? You know you really need to learn to play with kids your own age. Your mom lets you spend too much time with William as it is.”

“I have friends, dad. But the apartment is like family.”

“Yeah so I’ve been told.” He grumbled. “You know I was thinking about talking to your mom about you staying here a bit more often.” Henry dropped his fork on his plate.

“What? Why?”

“Don’t you want to spend more time with me?”

Henry rested his head in his hands, a pout forming on his face. “How will you have time with all your business trips?”

“Hey buddy, I told you that was an important trip.”

“Yeah, I know. I remember. Can I be excused? I’m not feeling very well.”

Henry got up from the table and retreated to the small room at the end of the hall that was filled with boxes and a small mattress on the floor that he slept on when he visited. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with his dad, but when he was here, his dad just didn’t seem all that interested in knowing anything about him. He seemed to only want to have him around when his guests came for a visit. All the women that his dad brought home seemed really impressed that Neal was taking care of a kid.

He opened his book, pulling the pencil from the spot he had left off and thought about the next part of his story.

Henry watched as the Captain led his mother toward the small house on the end of town. They knocked on the door and waited but no one seemed to be home. Captain Jones disappeared around the back of the home, looking for a way inside.

Henry leaned against the tree, his thoughts swirling about the information he had learned. His father was alive. This Swan Thief man that he had heard about, his photos plastered around the town with the wanted posters offering a reward. How could this man be his father? How could his mother have been with a man who was currently wanted dead or alive?

His thoughts were interrupted by a rustling sound, and he turned quickly to see someone dashing behind him.

“Hello son.”

The man stood in front of him, his hands held out as if he were to welcome him with a hug.

“Who are you?”

“I just told ya kid. I’m your father. I’m Baelfire. Your mother has kept you from me for so long. But not anymore. I’ve come to find you.”

Henry stepped back. “Stay away from me. You’re not a good man.”

“It’s all hearsay boy. You can trust me.”

Henry turned toward the house just outside the tree line, opened his mouth to warn his mother, when everything around him went black.

Emma waited impatiently on the doorstep for the Captain to get into the house. She tapped her foot anxiously.

“No one is home.” The door opened and Captain Jones appeared in the door frame, a smug look on his face.

Emma pushed past him into the home, yanking the rug from the floor and pulling on the hidden door hidden below. “He got into the castle through here.”

They heard a noise down below and looked up at each other. “Did you hear that?”

He pushed past her, descending into the darkness as Emma followed him down the ladder. “Over here Swan.”

She followed the voice toward a small flicker of a flame. When she reached the light, she saw Leroy, his mouth gagged, his hands tied, as the Captain pulled on the rag holding his mouth.

“Princess, it’s Baelfire. He’s back.”

Emma looked up at the Captain and panic set in. Where was her son? “Henry.” She spoke quickly running back to the ladder and climbing with haste. She ran out of the small house, searching the trees for her son. “Henry.” She hollered but no sound came back. Frantically she ran to the back of the house, but the boy was gone.

Captain Jones was at her side in a moment, and she reached out, grabbing his lapel and she screamed angrily into his face. “Henry’s gone. Baelfire has my son.”

~*~

“A toast to being beautiful and single.” Ruby announced as she held her shot glass above her head. “Men suck.”

Emma giggled, clinking her glass against her friends then tilted it into her mouth, swallowing the warm liquid with a quick cough.

“Not all men, ya bloody drunk gits.” Will complained before downing his shot.

“Not you, you’re all soft and sweet.” Emma pinched his cheek. “And squishy.” She squeezed and he pushed her hand away from his face.

“I am not.”

“You so are.” Ruby cooed across from him.

“Ok enough of this nonsense. You were only with the bloke for two weeks.”

“That’s longer than I lasted with Jerry.” She pouted.

“I wouldn’t broadcast that across the room.” He said, rolling his eyes. “Maybe you should stop dating random men in bars, try a coffee shop, they are at least committed to their coffee order. Maybe it will last longer.”

“Poo what do you know, you haven’t dated in ages.”

“Yeah Will, we haven’t seen you with a woman since Ana.”

“Just waitin’ for the right one.” He said with a glint in his eyes.

“And does she have a name?” Emma inquired, her head feeling a bit like it was starting to spin..

“All women have names, Em.”

“Does this one have a specific name?” Ruby demanded.

“Would you both bloody get off my back? There’s no woman, not exactly.” He grabbed his beer and drank it quickly.

“Fine, keep your secrets.” Emma whined.

“You want to talk about secrets, what’s going on with you and Graham?”

It was Emma’s turn to grab her drink, gulping it as her friends stared at her expectantly. “There’s nothing to tell.” She said, slamming her drink down on the table. “He’s been busy lately with the old people and his Segway lessons.”

“Wait, he’s actually learning how to ride a Segway?” Will burst into laughter. “He really does want to be Paul Blart.”

“Stop, he’s trying to get a job downtown as a security guard at Faneuil Hall. They ride Segway’s and he wants to learn before he applies.”

“So sexy.” Ruby cackled.

“I can just imagine you both coming down the aisle on your Segway’s.” Will choked as he laughed loudly.

“I hate you both.” She pouted, ordering another round.

“You know what I wouldn’t mind? Taking a ride on that sexy ass bike of Killian’s.” Ruby practically purred as she spoke.

Images sprung to mind in Emma’s head, the dark bike glistening in the moonlight, her head thrown back, her legs wrapped around his waist as he brought her hips down against him, his cock buried inside of her.

“Totally hot.” She mumbled under her breath.

“See even the Princess agrees with me, Killian Jones is hot as hell.”

“What?” Her head jerked up toward her friends.

“You said it, totally hot. I’m just agreeing with you.”

“I didn’t say that.” She protested.

“I heard the words too, totally bloody hot.” Will teased. “Did I tell you that she practically took her shirt off before inviting him to the barbeque.”

Emma kicked him under the table. “I did not. I had a clothing mishap.”

“Oh, do tell.” Ruby giggled.

“Half her shirt was unbuttoned; her tits were out on a stroll of their own.”

“Stop it! That is not what happened.”

“That must be why he’s always got his tongue out of his mouth when Emma bends over.”

Emma spun toward Will. “He does no such thing. He has a girlfriend.”

“Whatever.” Will said sourly, finishing his beer. “I’m knackered. Let’s get a cab and get the hell out of here before Emma falls out of her chair.”

“I’m perfectly fine.” She laughed, slipping, and nearly tumbling from her tall stool as she tried to step down. “Or not.” She cackled, grabbing onto Will’s shoulder.

The taxi ride home was filled with laughter and joking from her friends, Emma content to stare out the window, trying with everything she could not to think about her sexy hot neighbor and his bike. Or his stupid hair that she imagined running her fingers through. Or his stupid jeans that fit him so nicely. Definitely not his mouth. She was not at all thinking about his mouth.

By the time she stumbled out of the elevator, her body was on fire with need. She hugged Will before he closed his door and walked arm and arm with Ruby to her door.

“Thank you for escorting me, you beautiful woman.” Ruby tilted in her heels, reaching out and grabbing the wall with a loud laugh. “Get some sleep.”

“Night Rubes. Happy being single again day.” She blew her friend a kiss as the door closed.

She looked across the hall at Killian’s door. “Good night you sexy beast.” She growled at the door, kicking off her shoes and carrying them to her apartment. She shoved her key into the apartment and pushed. The door didn’t budge. “Dammit.” She kicked the door, then dropped her shoes on the floor.

Turning back down the hall, she grabbed ahold of the wall and slid down toward the door that had been calling her to it for the last five minutes. Lifting her hand, she knocked and waited. Looking at her watch she realized it was 1am. Suddenly it dawned on her that he could be in bed with Belle. She backed away just as the door swung open.

“Swan?”

“Hey you, motorcycle man.” She slurred.

“Emma, are you quite alright?”

“I’m doing great. Are you in bed?”

He chuckled. “Not currently, no, but I was pretty content there a minute ago.”

She looked at the robe wrapped around his waist and hummed, reaching out to tug at the fabric. “Do you sleep naked, Jones?”

He smirked. “Are you drunk, love?”

“Me? Of course I’m drunk. Why wouldn’t I be drunk? Aren’t you drunk?” There was movement behind him, and a dog pounced into view.

Emma squealed, “Hello little guy.” Emma ducked under Killian’s arm, wandering into the dark apartment, and reaching out for the dog who was jumping around her feet.

“Why don’t you come in.” He sighed, shutting the door behind him.

“I couldn’t get my door to open, so I thought I’d come to yours.”

“And why would you do that? Will is right across the hall.”

“I know, I was drinking with him tonight. I’m drunk.” She giggled, reaching out and running her hand along the silk of his robe.

“I can see that. Shall I try and get your door open for you?”

Before he could move, she grabbed him by the robe. “What’s your rush, Jones?”

“Emma…” He said, with a warning tone.

“What?” She teased her fingers across his chest, watching his jaw tense as her palm flattened against his flesh.

“You’re drunk and I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“You don’t even know what I want yet.” He looked down between them, her fingers curling the hair on his chest between them.

“Let me just put on some pants and I’ll help you get in your apartment.” He protested.

“Is the Pirate scared of the Princess?” She said with a dark look in her eyes. Pressing her body up against his, the hard appendage currently pressed into her hip telling her that he was affected by her presence as much as she was by his. Her fingers ran across his chest, slipping further down to his abdomen, firm against her palm.

When she looked up and met his eyes, the same want and desire burned in his, she gasped as his mouth dropped to hers, the force of it knocking her back against the wall as he pressed into her. Her entire body caught fire as his hands knotted in her hair, his tongue sweeping across her lips before thrusting into her mouth. Gone was the timid kiss they had shared in her apartment. This was wanton and desperate and full of everything Emma had been missing in her life.

Instinctively her leg wrapped around his waist, pulling him against her, her hands roaming his chest, sliding against his neck, digging into that hair she had dreamt so much about. She groaned appreciatively as his hands explored her hip, slipping under her shirt until she felt his hand on her breast, warm against the fabric of her bra.

Just as suddenly as it had begun, his warmth withdrew from her as he moved away. “Emma, we have to stop. This is wrong.” She stepped forward, reaching for his neck, needing to feel his mouth on hers again. “You’ve been drinking, you don’t want this.”

Suddenly she was angry, how dare he tell her what she wants or doesn’t want. “I want you.” She growled. “Tell me you don’t want me.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. Graham. We can’t.” He breathed out heavily.

“God, of course you have to be a goddamn gentleman all the time.” She turned and yanked the door open, tearing down the hall.

“Emma.” He followed her into the hall, chasing after her as he held his robe shut. “Would you get back here?”

“Leave me alone.” She jiggled on the door, willing it to open, practically begging for the damn thing to budge. He reached around her, turning the key, and pushing the door open. She stormed into her apartment turning around to face him.

“Emma…” He said softly.

“You know just because I have sex with you in my head every goddamn night doesn’t give you the right to live there.”

He stepped back in the hall, “You’re pissed at me because you have dreams about having sex with me and somehow this is my fault?”

“Of course, it is, you and your goddamn hair and that stupid bike.” She yelled.

He shook his head. “Go sleep it off, sweetheart.”

“Go fuck yourself.” She glared.

“Gladly.” He stormed off toward his apartment and Emma stuck her head into the hall.

“Enjoy your hand.” She yelled, slamming her door shut and wandering through her house to fall into bed. She curled up around her pillow and let sleep take her away.

~*~

Killian tossed and turned the rest of the night. The feel of Emma’s body burning on his skin. He should have stopped himself from touching the bloody woman at all. But the way she was looking at him, the pure desire in her eyes, he wanted her. Bloody hell he wanted the woman.

But he couldn’t be with a woman who was involved with another man. He wouldn’t do that again. He couldn’t be that man again. He wasn’t perfect, he had been with many women since leaving Milah, but they had all been free agents, unattached, and available to be with as he pleased. He did no harm, and he left no baggage.

When he woke in the morning, he didn’t feel any better than he had hours before. His head hurt and his body was still needing release from the frustration of having Emma in his arms. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to the woman when he saw her, he couldn’t afford for things to break down between them. There was the matter of Henry, after all.

Killian suddenly felt an odd sensation, worrying about another man’s child. It wasn’t like they were sharing custody of the boy. He was his neighbor for goodness sake. That was all.

He got out of bed and ran a cold and bracing shower to take care of the situation at hand. He would worry about Emma once his brain could think again.

The cold water ran down his body causing bumps to form along his skin. He shivered, shaking his head as water splashed against the walls. When he could take the sensation no more, he turned off the water and toweled off, dressing quickly before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Before he could start the stove there was a knock on his door. When he opened the door, Emma was standing in the door frame, bracing herself against the wood, dark glasses on her face.

“Jones.” She said, her voice throaty and tired. “Can we talk?”

He stifled a laugh as he let her into his apartment. She looked wrecked and completely miserable, and the sight was almost comical. “And how is the little lush feeling this morning?”

“Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I don’t remember a lot of what went down last night, but I’m pretty sure I was way out of line.”

Killian stared at the woman, examining her body language. “Aye. Lines were stepped over.”

“I just wanted to apologize and say that it won’t happen again. I had a really long week, Ruby just got dumped, we were celebrating, and I think I might have had a bit too much to drink.”

“Did you figure that out from the blinding headache, or…”

“Probably more to do with the keys I left in the door last night, as well as the fact I found my shoes in the freezer this morning.”

He couldn’t hold in his laughter any longer. “Can’t hold your liquor, Swan.”

“Enough. I just came to apologize, not be teased.”

“Well, no harm done.” He bowed.

“So, we’re good here?” He nodded and she walked to the door. “Alright then. Sorry again.”

“So, you really don’t remember anything?” He queried.

Her sun glassed eyes met his. “Nope.”

“Well, then I guess I hope you feel better.” He mused, watching her retreat down the hall, wondering how much of what she said was the truth, while ignoring his desire to carry her to his couch, make her breakfast, and tend to her in any manner she truly desired.

~*~

Emma made her way back to her apartment, her head resting against the door as soon as she shut it. She peeled the glasses off her face, groaning as the room continued to spin, blue eyes staring into her, his hands touching her everywhere until his mouth was on hers. She remembered everything, every kiss, every touch, every desire she had for the man. The only thing she wished for was that she could forget.

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

(Hello I have typed everything else that is in this post and now I am putting a parenthetical at the top. this post is very long, so you don’t have to read it, and if you do read it, you don’t have to Experience Concern, I’m usually fine and probably will be, but! If you do read it, and you do experience concern, would you mind telling me? Normally I do not require that, and I do not actually require that you read this long post, but if you do, it might be helpful to tell me)

(Also I can’t do cuts on mobile, so, sorry) (aha I am on desktop now and have added a cut, though this post is now from the past)

So! the good news:

-every homework I have ever had is done! all of it! the two classes I needed to finish after Big Cascading Extensive Sickness are fully completed! I have taken five classes of my grad program which is eight regular classes and then a semester where you do your thesis, so like ten classes altogether! Halfway there! Woo!

-I do not acquire more classes until not tomorrow but next Monday after that, so I have a week with some downtime in it! in which to do ADLs and write and listen to podcasts!

-my health situation has been back-and-forth this past… time period, but today I do not feel sick, nauseous, panicky, brain-stuck or sad!!! I will gladly take the current Mood Situation over any of those, and double-especially over nausea!!!

now for the part that’s not a complaint but also not not a complaint

-so I still cannot lately focus for shit until the very last minute where I realize there will be immediate bad consequences of not doing the thing right exactly now

-(this is an intermittent Mood Disorder problem for me, we are tweaking my meds, I am not going to be experiencing this brain forever)

-the final project was originally due Monday, and then “Sunday if possible” and then “can you turn it in Saturday night so I can grade it early Sunday?”

-it was not his fault about the moved deadline he is expecting a big hurricane and wanted to get it done pre-power-outage and the registrar would have been a big stickler for anything after Monday

-I figured that anything before 6:AM Sunday counted for these purposes, as he seemed unlikely to be doing grading any earlier than that

-I spaced out very badly most of Saturday

-I opened my laptop around 10PM

-my brain refused to let me do literally anything until like 1AM, at which point the assignment was due sometime between “an hour ago” and “five hours from now”

-then I unlocked the ability to focus for about five to fifteen minute increments at random a few times an hour

-it turns out that “literally after the assignment is due by the most generous definition, it’s already late and can only get later, someone is this minute waiting for you,” the point at which I regain my normal ability to just like, sit down, do a thing, and then have it be done.

-I worked pretty much straight through 7-noon, proofread, formatted, attached the document to an email with some made up personal problems in it

-not because I’m not having real life problems, I just didn’t want to explain the real ones

-turned it in at 12:35

-G submitted my final grade to the registrar already and will email me final comments post-hurricane

-if he secretly hates me he still gave me an A in the class, so who cares.

-the assignment took somewhere around 8 hours of focus work, most of which I did in the six and a half hours after it was (again, by the most generous estimate) definitely due and already late

-I guess it’s good to know I can Enter The Zone if I place enough consequences on myself

-I miss The Zone, it used to be comparatively much easier for me to go there

-I very much do hope the meds adjustment fixes my brain a bit, and soon

-I just did a casual assessment of my feelings about things and got “unusually limited emotions, somewhat flat inside,” about it, so I’m jotting that down.

-I don’t remember how I’ve been feeling, exactly, but I do remember telling my therapist that I’ve been feeling a bit flat lately, so that does check out!

-alex, if you were doing homework for fourteen hours, when did you sleep last?

-first of all, I was doing homework for eight hours, interspersed with six hours of genuinely nothing, I truly don’t even know

-that’s not even a terrible ratio for lately, there were entire calendar days last week where I had a brain for about two decent hours out of twenty-four

-there has been a lot of Mindless Scrolling lately, but also yesterday I put my phone away and genuinely did not even glance at anything but schoolwork on the computer

-what did I do for six hours? my guy, I truly do not know

-that wasn’t the question, was it? I’m kidding, I remember the question, it was about sleeping

-I slept from around 6-9PM last night, for some reason, and then haven’t since! lately I’ve been very nocturnal as much as I’ve been anything, so I am trying to reset my sleep schedule by going to bed, very tired, around 9PM tonight.

-assuming I will feel tired later, not sure body sensations are things I still experience very often, including tiredness.

-I’ve been very verbose today, and my voice on the phone sounded a bit manic earlier, so maybe that’s a thing, but in a distant and far away way, even that.

-huh. I feel like that would be concerning if I was closer to normal today. might edit this post a bit and then share it with my therapist.

-hey Alex, if you’re not doing any body feelings, what have you eaten and drank lately?

-more than nothing, technically

-I mean what are you, a cop?

[silverlightqueen]

Ruin My Life - Part 9

RML masterlist

(fratboy!Jimin - lots and lots of A N G ST & some fluff)

Summary - y/n, Mija, Chen and Jackson experience their most eventful night out yet ft. a certain jung hoseok👀 as well as angry Eunwoo, angry Jimin and shady jeongyeon

Word Count - 9.8k+

Warnings - no smut in this one, (but trust me, i’ll make up for that in the next chapter👀) um violence ig, mention of blood, discussion of alcohol, discussion of sex, bad language, that’s it ig

a/n: hey y’all ! I think this is gonna be the penultimate part which is like totally breaking my heart rn bc ruin my life is my baby :( lmk what you think and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist x

silverlightqueen masterlist

taglist💕: @keylowmonie @jennafromhome @btrombley13 @parkjammys @chubschimmine @flowingwiththewater​ @magicalpjm​ @sakurauchiha2018​ @kyrie1707​ @simonemothjensen​ @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @p-yoon @wtfcalumthomas​

‘y/n, I’m gonna beat your ass one of these days, hurry the fuck up!’ Mija screams from the living room. ‘Sorry, I’m coming!’ I shout back, rushing around my room like a madwoman, looking for my phone. As soon as I find it, in my makeup bag for some reason, I turn off my music and sprint (as best as one can in heels) into the living room. ‘I’m sorry, I really am. I had to do a last-minute outfit change because the heels that go with the other outfit are at the ASP house,’ I say, Jackson grinning as Mija rolls her eyes and Chen raises an eyebrow. ‘Jimin or Tae’s room?’ Jackson asks, and I swat at him, the boy laughing maniacally as he ducks away from my hand. ‘I prefer this outfit anyway. Makes your ass look bigger,’ Chen says, and I grin, doing a twirl. I’m dressed in ripped blue skinny jeans with a black fluffy bralet, black fluffy heels on my feet and some gold clips in my hair, a gold necklace with the pendant resting between my collarbones. I’m also wearing Jimin’s ring, and I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. It’s pretty and has sentimental value, and I’m so used to wearing it now that my hand feels wrong without it. 

‘Won’t you get cold when we leave?’ Mija asks, dressed more sensibly than I am, in a pair of black ripped jeans and long-sleeved nude bodysuit, black heels on her feet and a black denim jacket tied at her waist. ‘Chen’s wearing a jacket that matches my outfit perfectly,’ I say, Chen grinning as he pulls on his black bomber over his dark blue t-shirt and black jeans; a simple outfit, but effective, making him look handsome and classy. ‘Why can’t you wear jackets that match my outfit, so I don’t have to take one?’ Mija complains to Jackson, who’s dressed top-to-toe in Fendi; jeans, shirt, shoes, scarf, jewellery, hat, even socks (god knows how he affords it all, but damn, does he look good in it). ‘Because you’re an independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on her man for a jacket,’ Jackson says, Mija obviously liking his answer, the smug look on her face a clear indication, and Chen and I exchange an amused glance.

‘Anyway, I’ve literally sobered up from pre-drinks because it’s 1am, so we need to get to the bar asap. I wanna get our usual booth and get some more drinks down me,’ Mija says, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door. Chen locks the apartment behind us, Mija and I giggling as we stumble down the corridor towards the lift, the boys following behind. We’re only waiting for a minute or two for the Uber to arrive, and the whole time, Mija and I do stupid tiktok dances, still slightly tipsy, Jackson and Chen watching us in amusement. The drive to the bar flies by as usual, Chen making conversation with the driver as the three of us take selfies and pictures of each other in the back of the car. When we arrive, Chen and Jackson flash their VIP cards like always, and again, we ignore the annoyed shouting from the people waiting in the queue as we enter the bar. It’s packed, the smell of alcohol strong on the air, the heavy bass of the song currently playing nearly shaking the floor. Jackson wraps an arm around Mija’s waist, pulling her close to his side, as Chen grabs hold of my hand, the four of us making our way over to our usual booth. The boys go to get drinks, eight Jager bombs and four vodka cokes.

‘The ASP boys are here,’ Mija says over the music, and I roll my eyes. ‘I’m not surprised. Are they with LSG?’ I ask, not wanting to look myself. ‘Yep. Nayeon’s all up JK. Ooh, Sana and Joon are dancing together. Oh, God, I think I can see Dahyun and Yoongi dancing together as well. Chungae’s here, dancing with Jeongyeon… and Jimin. Oh, my God, is that Tzuyu grinding on Tae? Damn, ASP and LSG are literally the university sluts,’ Mija says drily, and I supress a laugh. ‘Don’t slut shame,’ I say. ‘I’m not. I’m one myself, it’s totally fine,’ Mija says, and I grin at her. ‘Are we finding you a man tonight? And not one that’s friends with your ex, or your ex?’ she asks, and I slap her lightly on the arm. ‘No, I don’t want a man. I’m happy to spend the night with you guys,’ I say. ‘You should at least dance with a guy. Make Park jealous,’ she says with a mischievous glint in her eye. ‘That means I care,’ I begin. ‘You do care,’ she interjects, but I carry on as though she never spoke; ‘And it’s not like he cares anyway. He wouldn’t be jealous.’ ‘Judging by his reaction to you and Tae, I think he would be,’ Mija says drily, and I roll my eyes. ‘Tae told me he’s over it. He said he’s seen Jeongyeon at the frat loads in the past couple weeks,’ I say. ‘Yeah, right, I bet Tae’s just saying that to make you get into bed with him again,’ Mija says.

Tae and I have spent a lot of time together since we slept together, two weeks ago today. I’ve seen a lot of all the ASP boys actually (except for Jimin, and Hoseok – I haven’t seen him for a while actually), what with the party planning and all. We all went on a road trip to get the decorations; on the way there, I was in Joon’s car with him, Jungkook, Mija and Jackson, and on the way back, I was in Chen’s car with him, Jin, Taehyung and Yoongi. We stopped for lunch while we were there, and I really enjoyed it; I think this is the beginning of a new friendship group. Tae, Yoongi, JK and Joon have showed up several times to our apartment with no warning, wanting to watch a movie or something together, and Tae and I have been for coffee together between lectures and seminars a few times. They’re all urging me to accept one of their offers for the end-of-year party, because it’s in three weeks’ time and they want plenty of notice. The rager is also in two weeks and everyone’s been talking about it; what they’re wearing, who they’re bringing, what they’re planning on drinking. It’s the talk of the university. Part of me is dreading it, but it’s always amazing, possibly the messiest night of my year every time. I’m always allowed to sleep over, so Mija and I will be getting ready there beforehand, helping to set up and then sleeping on a blow-up bed in Joon’s room. Chen and Jackson are both invited too, despite being KPN boys, and the boys have also said that Jackson, Chen and Mija can all come to the end-of-year party, even if they’re not anyone’s date (the only term is that they’ll have to share a meal with someone else because the catering company won’t have enough food for three extra people).

Jackson and Chen arrive back with our drinks, the four of us downing our Jager bombs in quick succession, before sipping on our vodka cokes. We stay seated for a while, just drinking and chatting, getting progressively more and more tipsy. At points, Joon, Tae, JK, Jin and Yoongi all come over to say hi, and they’re all given very enthusiastic greetings from the four of us. After an hour or so, the time on my phone reading 2.27, I get up to get some more drinks, Mija and Chen deep in conversation about what they think their favourite K-pop band BTS’ next comeback will be like and Jackson trying to type out a text to his mum to let her know he’s safe and fine. I take Jackson’s VIP card with me, and so I reach the front of the bar quickly, placing my order for several shots and drinks, and wait patiently, the bartender telling me it might be a while due to them running out of Red Bull, but assuring me one of the employees has run to the local supermarket to get some more and will be back any moment now. I sit on a barstool, in my own little world, thinking about what colour dress I’m planning on wearing when Mija and Jackson get married, and it isn’t until I feel a big hand appear on my back that I’m aware of my surroundings once more. I turn to see the owner of the hand, and am surprised to see Hoseok’s handsome face for the first time in a long time.

‘Hobi!’ I exclaim, jumping up and throwing my arms around him, and he lets out a laugh into my ear, hugging me back. ‘So I see you’re making appearances again, y/n,’ Hoseok says amusedly, and I roll my eyes, taking my seat as he sits down beside me. ‘So are you, it seems. Where have you been?’ I ask, and his eyes sparkle. ‘Why? Missed me?’ he asks. ‘Yes, now stop acting coy, what happened to you?’ I ask. ‘I haven’t been too well, so I didn’t think it was best that I went out. Basically, I was responsible for the first time in my life,’ he says, both of us laughing together. ‘What do you want to drink?’ I ask, and he shakes his head. ‘It’s fine, I’ll get my own,’ he says, and I hold up the VIP card. ‘Why pay when I can get you one for free?’ I say, and he grins. ‘Sis, you get more and more boujee every time I see you. Getting fucked in diamond chokers, VIP card for the best bar in the area,’ he jokes, and I let out a giggle. A giggle. What’s wrong with me? ‘I’ll have a double vodka and coke,’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘Okay, we getting drunk drunk tonight, huh?’ I say, and he lets out a laugh. ‘Why not? It’s my first time out in a while, I deserve it,’ he says, just as the bartender brings over the Jager bombs. ‘Can I have two more of these, and another double vodka coke please?’ I ask, the bartender smiling as he nods. This guy’s seen enough of me the past few weeks, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten sick of me, but I’m still treated to slices of fruit or umbrellas in my drinks from time to time, and a big smile every time I make an order. He brings over the other two Jager bombs, Hoseok and I doing two each whilst waiting for the bartender to bring over the rest of our drinks. Once he’s brought over five vodka cokes, one for Hoseok and one each for us guys, Hoseok picks up three and I pick up two, the boy helping me to carry them back over to our booth.

Chen, Mija and Jackson greet Hoseok warmly, probably just because he’s got their drinks, and once he’s said hello to all of them, he turns back to me. ‘Hey, you know that thing we’re having? That party? Will you be my date?’ he says, and I actually laugh aloud. ‘You’re the sixth person to ask me, Hoseok,’ I say, his mouth falling open. ‘You’re joking?’ he asks, and I shake my head. ‘But I’ll consider your offer,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘Much appreciated. You wanna dance?’ he offers, and I raise an eyebrow, the boys holding two hands in the air. ‘Hey, listen, Jimin’s moved on and so have you. It’s totally fine. And anyway, I promise you, I just wanna dance. I’m not expecting it to end like it did with you and Taehyung,’ he says amusedly, and my mouth falls open. ‘So everyone knows about that, huh?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘Well, a lot of us heard you guys on the actual night, and it got around to the rest of us. I had the pleasure of hearing him dicking you down against the wall so Jimin could hear,’ he grins, and I cover my face in embarrassment. ‘If I say I’ll dance with you, will you stop talking?’ I say, and he bursts out laughing. ‘Come on,’ he says, gently grabbing my wrist and leading me to the dance floor. We dance together for a while, keeping it very PG, but as the alcohol gets to my head, I start to realise three things; the first is how good-looking Hoseok is, which is very, by the way. His dark hair is swept back from his forehead, revealing his clear and tan face, and his heart-shaped lips and bright, sparkling eyes only add to the appeal. The second thing I notice is how good of a dancer is. The man can move. His hips sway deliciously smoothly, his movements practically dripping with rhythm and flow. The third thing I notice is how tight his clothes are, the black top displaying his amazing figure, the toned muscles and the slim waist, and his black jeans show his thick thighs, the curves of his legs, the bulge of his crotch. Quite simply, the man, and everything about him, is amazing. I manage to restrain myself for quite a long time. And then the music changes.

A slow RnB track begins to float out of the speakers, the dancers around us holding each other close, whining and grinding to no end. Hoseok gives me an amused look, obviously wondering how far I’m willing to take this, and if I were sober, this is where I’d go sit back down. But I’m not. So I don’t. Instead, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hands resting on his strong back, and hold him close, the boy grinning to himself as his arms snake around my waist, pulling me even closer. We dance slowly and sensually, his expensive aftershave flooding my senses, as I try to avoid eye contact, knowing I’ll probably do something stupid if I get lost in those shiny eyes of his. After a few songs, I realise my back is now pressed against his front, and I don’t quite remember how it happened. I can feel everything, his dick pressed firmly against my ass as he rolls his hips gently towards me, making my panties feel wetter and wetter by the second. After a while, I lose all inhibition and begin rolling my hips to move in time with his, meeting his grinds with slow ones of my own.

‘Fuck, y/n, you’ve got me half-hard in a fucking bar,’ he whispers into my ear, and I have to hold back a whimper at his words. I turn to face him, my eyes locking with his, and he sighs after a few moments. ‘You’re gone, aren’t you?’ he asks, and I shake my head. ‘I’m tipsy. Not too drunk,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘Your eyes are so dilated right now, y/n,’ he says, and I blink. ‘That happens when you’re looking at someone you’re attracted to,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘And when you’re drunk. God, y/n, you got me half-hard in a bar, but you’re too fucking drunk that I’ll feel bad if I take you home now,’ he says, and I sigh, pouting. ‘Hoseok, I’m really not that drunk. I’m literally thinking straight, I can see fine, like I’m totally not drunk. A little tipsy, yes, but not drunk,’ I say, maybe downplaying it slightly. Admittedly, it’s probably not the best thing to do (have sex with another of my kind-of-ex’s best friends) but it’s not like it matters that much, right? What’s Jimin gonna do? Just get angry again? It’s not like he’s not fucking Jeongyeon anyway. It’s totally fine, we’ve both moved on. Hoseok watches me carefully before sighing. ‘Let’s go sit in your booth for a little while, and if you seem okay, then we’ll go back to my place? Okay? Because I really don’t like having sex with a girl when she’s drunk,’ he says, leading me back to the booth. ‘Why? Messy? Bad head?’ I ask, and he laughs. ‘No, moron, because people’s morals and things are different when they’re drunk. I want her to be fully aware, fully willing. Not just down to fuck because she’s drunk,’ Hoseok says as we reach the booth. ‘Trust me,’ I say gently into his ear, ‘I’d be down even if I were stone-cold sober.’

I slide into the booth, Hoseok looking slightly flushed when he sits down beside me, and I supress a laugh at how his jeans are straining over his crotch. Bless him. ‘Having fun, you two?’ Mija asks amusedly, sat opposite us with her legs slung over Jackson’s lap, Chen sat beside me. The three of them seem to have sobered up, and are probably waiting for me to either come back with them or disappear home with someone else before they head back to mine and Mija’s apartment. ‘A bit too much, it seems, by the semi Hoseok’s showing off,’ Chen says drily, and Hoseok laughs, not embarrassed in the slightest. ‘What can I say? Your friend here is a tease,’ he says. ‘Why don’t you just call it a night and go back together?’ Jackson asks. ‘He thinks I’m too drunk,’ I say, the three of them looking at Hoseok in shock. ‘You think she’s drunk? Trust me, you’ll know drunk y/n when you see her, and this y/n is not even half way there. Sis would be passed out on the table if she were drunk,’ Mija says, and I pout. ‘I’m never that bad,’ I say, and she raises an eyebrow. ‘I have receipts, remember?’ she says, and I mutter a meek ‘never mind’ back at her. 

‘Okay, I’d very much like to see these receipts sometime, but for now, shall we head back? If they say you’re not drunk, I believe them,’ Hoseok says, and I grin at him. ‘One more shot for the road,’ I say before calling over one the waiters, asking for a couple more shots. He brings them over moments later, and Hoseok and I down them. We both rise up from our seats, and I promise Mija that I’ll keep her updated and promise Chen that I’ll let him know if I need a lift or anything in the morning. But before we can even begin walking away from the booth, I feel a hand roughly grab my shoulder and turn me around. I nearly lose my balance, both Hoseok and Chen helping to hold me up, and once I’m steady, I look to see who it is, my blood running cold when my eyes land on Eunwoo’s angry ones, making me sober up instantly.  

‘Don’t bother going back with this bitch, she’ll just leave you with blue balls,’ Eunwoo spits angrily, his frat brothers hanging around a few feet behind him. ‘You okay?’ Hoseok asks me, ignoring Eunwoo entirely, and I nod, turning to look at Jackson and Chen. ‘I thought you said he wasn’t coming here tonight,’ I say. ‘He wasn’t,’ Chen sighs tiredly, knowing it’s about to kick off. ‘Last minute change of plan, but I guess your little moles wouldn’t have known that, because they were too busy getting drunk at yours and Mija’s. I didn’t want to start on either of you for hanging with her, because it’s not that big of a deal, but the fact that you’re helping her avoid me, and hanging out with her over us is another thing all together,’ Eunwoo says angrily, directing his words to Chen and Jackson, both of them looking exasperated with their frat brother. 

‘For God’s sake, Eunwoo, grow up. You’re starting a scene in the middle of a bar because your ego is hurt that your ex left you with blue balls, and you wonder why we’d rather hang out with y/n over you,’ Jackson says, twisting the knife further. ‘Why are you siding with her?’ he demands, voice rising. ‘Eunwoo, there aren’t any sides! You and her are exes, but it doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to be friends with her. She’s Jackson’s girlfriend’s best friend, for God’s sake. Do you want Jackson to cut off his girlfriend’s best friend? Stop being so ridiculous and grow up. We’re friends with both of you, we hang out with both of you. y/n doesn’t have an issue with it, so why do you?’ Chen says diplomatically, but Eunwoo’s too angry to listen to reason. ‘Because she’s not the type of person you should associate with. She’s a fucking bitch. ASP’s little bitch to be precise,’ Eunwoo says venomously, and Mija rises up from her seat angrily, Jackson following suit as Hoseok steps towards Eunwoo. ‘You’re playing a dangerous game insulting y/n like that, Eunwoo, so I’m going to ask you to walk away before you get any of us angrier than we already are,’ Hoseok says calmly, and Eunwoo laughs. ‘Or what? What are you gonna do?’ Eunwoo says in Hoseok’s face, a droplet of saliva landing on Hoseok’s face, and he wipes it off coolly, obviously trying to control his temper, because he looks scary calm right now. ‘Eunwoo, just leave us alone,’ I begin to say, but before I can say anything else, I spot Jimin storming towards us, the rest of ASP and the LSG girls following in his wake. 

‘You were fucking pregnant? You were pregnant, and you didn’t fucking tell me?’ Jimin says angrily when he reaches us, Eunwoo suddenly moving the bottom of my list of problems. My head goes light at his words, my vision momentarily blurring, and I have to clutch onto Jackson’s forearm to steady myself. ‘I…’ I stutter, not knowing what to say, my heart practically beating out of my chest. ‘I don’t care what happened between us, y/n, but I would’ve thought you’d have at least told me, for fuck’s sake! You went and got an abortion and dealt with it all without speaking to me! What’s wrong with you?’ Jimin demands, angrier than I’ve ever seen him, and, over his shoulder, I can see Jeongyeon grinning maliciously. ‘y/n, that’s way out of line! You should’ve fucking told me! The sleeping with your ex, sleeping with Tae, nearly sleeping with Hoseok I can move past, but this is another thing entirely! I can’t believe you didn’t fucking tell me!’ Jimin says, my silence making him angrier and angrier. 

‘Enough, Jimin, this isn’t the place,’ Chen says calmly, placing a gentle hand on Jimin’s chest, and Jimin pushes him off. ‘I wanna hear what she has to say for herself,’ Jimin says, and I don’t even know what to do or say, my mind racing but blank at the same time, shock having overtaken my body. ‘I didn’t…’ I begin to say, not even knowing what’s about to come out of my mouth. ‘Speak up,’ Jimin says neutrally. ‘I didn’t… I didn’t sleep with Eunwoo,’ I say quietly, wanting to kick myself for saying that. ‘Oh, good to know you’ve got at least some sense then,’ Jimin says. ‘I was right, she really is ASP’s bitch. The whole fucking frat’s passing her around,’ Eunwoo says to one of his frat brothers, purposely loud enough for us all to hear him. Hobi, Jimin, Jackson and Jungkook all go for him at the same time, but Mija beats them to it, landing a hard slap square on his cheek. He stands in shock for a moment before swinging for Mija, and Jackson grabs Mija’s arm, pulling her out of his reach just in time. Jimin takes his chance then, swinging for Eunwoo whilst the boy is distracted, and lands a punch under his jaw. Eunwoo takes a moment before swinging back for him, his fist landing on Jimin’s eye. It quickly becomes a fight, both of them landing punch after punch, and I look around at the boys, wanting one of them to intervene, unable to believe my eyes. I step forward to stop it and Chen grabs hold of me. ‘Don’t be stupid, y/n, you can’t stop them,’ he says, before stepping around me to stop it himself.

‘Gosh, y/n, you should be careful. Wouldn’t want the baby to get hurt, would we?’ Jeongyeon says, a few of her minions laughing along with her, the other LSG girls that I’m friends with staying silent. I ignore her, knowing she’s not worth it, continuing to watch as Chen and Jin attempt to pull Jimin and Eunwoo apart. ‘Surely you shouldn’t even be here, right? Pregnant women can’t drink, remember? Already a bad mother,’ she continues, her minions indulging her with their annoyingly high-pitched laughter. ‘Oh, look at that. Her bump is showing,’ Jeongyeon says, her and her minions dissolving into giggles, and it’s the last straw. All I can see is red when I turn to face her and pounce before anyone can stop me. The laughter on her face disappears quickly when she sees how angry I am, and she tries to shield herself, her attempts fruitless, because I manage to slap her across her face, hard, her makeup coming off onto my hand. ‘You fucking bitch!’ she shouts, grabbing a handful of my hair and yanking it. I rake my nails across her face, hearing her scream, and I can’t help but feel satisfaction when I see blood blooming from where my nails cut her. She kicks out at me, her foot colliding with my shin, and I will myself not to let out a single noise as I elbow her in the boob, the other girl falling to the floor in pain.

It’s only when she hits the floor and I feel a pair of hands pulling me away from her that I come back to reality, wanting to hit myself for losing control and hurting someone like that. It’s not like she doesn’t deserve it, but I’m better than that. I wonder what’s going on now, but when my eyes land on the scene around me, what I see is completely unexpected. Nearly all of the boys are either fighting, or trying to break up a fight. Quite simply, a brawl has broken out. I turn to see who’s hands are on me, and see Sana pulling me away. And then security appears, dozens of burly men and women breaking us apart and leading us all away from the exit, towards the back of the bar. The woman holding onto me isn’t gentle in the slightest, practically dragging me through the bar, and they push us all into one big room that looks like it was once used as a kitchen. ‘The police are on their way. Don’t even think about starting another fight,’ one security guard says, all of us panicking at the mention of the police. ‘It’s fine,’ Chen says, ‘I’ll call my dad. He’ll sort this out, we’re not going with the police.’

An hour later, I’m sat in the police station at a table in a typical questioning room opposite a kind-eyed male police officer, a recording device sat on the table between us. He’s already explained all my rights to me and is about to start asking me questions. Some of the others are also being questioned, and the rest of us are sat in a holding cell. The bar staff watched the CCTV back and pointed out which of us were involved, and so all the ASP and KPN boys are here, as well as Mija, Jeongyeon and Sana, all the other LSG girls being let off. ‘So, y/n, do you want to explain to me what happened, and the lead up to what happened?’ the police officer says. ‘Um, the whole lead up? Because it’s a long story,’ I say, and he smiles. ‘I have all night. Go ahead, y/n,’ he says, and I sigh.

‘Um, okay, I’ll try to keep it short if I can. Basically, I used to date Eunwoo in freshman and sophomore year. Then I broke up with him because he started to become abusive, and I started sleeping with Jimin. Not dating, just sleeping with him. But then I caught feelings and I cut him off. A couple months ago, we ended up sleeping together again, and then the second time we slept together, the condom broke, so I was scared I was pregnant. But I took a morning after pill and did some pregnancy tests, and I wasn’t, so it was fine. And I got my period as well. Then a couple nights later, we went out for dinner, but we got a call that a party had started back at his frat. So we went back to help kick people out and clean up, but while I was cleaning up, he went and slept with Jeongyeon in his room. I didn’t know, but Namjoon did, and he didn’t want to have to break it to me, so he offered for me to sleep in his room, so I did. I found out the next morning when I saw her leaving his room, and then I cut him off and fell into a complete depression. Him and his friends were blowing up my phone, showing up to my apartment, waiting outside my lectures, so I went to extreme lengths to hide from them all. Meanwhile, I found out that I actually was pregnant and went and got an abortion with Mija, but one of Jeongyeon’s sorority sisters was there doing work experience. Anyway, then one night, after around a month, I saw him going up to my apartment just as I was, so I slept in the library to avoid speaking to him. Mija found me the next morning, and told me to just face him, so I did. I went to confront him, but ended up confessing my feelings to him. He horribly rejected me, and I ended up falling into an even worse depression. His friends were still blowing up my phone, but he wasn’t, and then it got out to our whole university what had happened, so everyone was trying to get hold of me to either see if I was okay or find out the gossip. So I hid in my bedroom for an entire week. Then Mija intervened, said I needed to get my life together, and made me sort myself out so we could go out that night. We went to a bar and I saw Chen and ended up catching up with him when Mija went home with Jackson. Then Eunwoo, my ex, appeared, and I was drunk and stupid and ended up going back to his but chickened out while he was in the toilet and Chen helped me escape the frat. He took me to spend the night with Namjoon. Then, two weeks after that, I went to the bar again with Mija, Jackson and Chen, and ended up going home with Jimin’s friend, Taehyung. Then, fast forward to tonight, I nearly went home with another of Jimin’s friends, Hoseok, but Eunwoo appeared and started shouting at Chen and Jackson for being friends with me, because they’re in the same frat, and called me ASP’s bitch. Then Hoseok told him to leave but before anything else could happen, Jimin appeared and started shouting at me for not telling him I was pregnant, meaning that Jeongyeon’s friend must have told him. I was in shock, I didn’t know what to do, and he also brought up me going home with Eunwoo and Taehyung, and nearly doing the same with Hoseok. I told him I didn’t sleep with Eunwoo, and then Eunwoo said again that I’m ASP’s bitch and said I’m getting passed around the whole frat. Mija slapped him, and he went to hit Mija back, but Jackson pulled her out of his way. Then Jimin went for him and them two started fighting. Then Jeongyeon started saying to me that I should be careful because I’m pregnant, and shouldn’t be drinking, and that my bump is showing, and I lost it at that because I know full well that I do not have a stomach that looks like a baby bump, so I went for her. I admit, I did hit her first, and we were going at it for a bit before Sana pulled me away from her. Then security appeared and dragged us into the back, and you know the rest,’ I say, taking a deep breath at the end.

Saying it like that makes me realise just how insane my life has been. It’s been one thing after another; pregnancies, sex, exes, feelings, rejections, mental breakdowns, interventions, new friends, old friends, ex friends. My life’s been like a Bollywood drama or a fanfiction or something. ‘Right,’ the police officer says, sighing, ‘that was a long story, and I can tell that that’s just the summarised version. At the moment, it seems as though it was nothing too serious, but we will have to ask Jeongyeon if she wants to press charges against you for assault, which she very well may be able to. As for her friend who exposed your pregnancy and abortion, she’s broken the Hippocratic oath and so that must go on her criminal record. So if you can give us her name and we’ll look into it. I also don’t think there’s much we can do about the abuse from Eunwoo as it was two years ago, and I doubt you have evidence to prove it. We might believe you, but we have to have solid fact to prove it’ he says. ‘Yeah, I don’t want to do anything with Eunwoo, but I’ll give you the details about Jeongyeon’s friend,’ I say, and he nods as I note down Chungae’s details for him. ‘Thank you, y/n, I’ll take you back to the holding cell with your friends now,’ he says, and I nod, rising up from my seat. He leads me through the police station, back into the holding cell, and doesn’t bother locking it. None of us are stupid enough to start trouble in a police station. The ASP boys, Mija, Jackson and Chen sit in the middle of cell, the rest of the KPN boys on one side, Jeongyeon and Sana on the other with Jimin sat a couple feet away from them, alone. I look around, and decide I’m going to be the bigger person.

My friends watch in confusion as I walk over to Jeongyeon and Sana, the latter giving the former a stern talking to, it seems. ‘Hi, Sana. Um, Jeongyeon, I just wanted to apologise for going for you like that. It was wrong of me,’ I say, and she looks up at me. ‘If you’re apologising to stop me from pressing charges, you can think again,’ she says spitefully, and I sigh internally, knowing this will go onto my criminal record now. Sana elbows her, visibly annoyed, and I hold back a laugh. ‘That’s not why I’m apologising. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do,’ I say, and she rolls her eyes. She looks at Sana, who looks at her expectantly, before sighing defeatedly. ‘I accept your apology,’ she says, Sana obviously waiting for more. ‘And I’m sorry for telling Jimin about your pregnancy and abortion,’ she says, Sana still waiting for more. ‘And being a bitch to you in the bar about it,’ she says, Sana still looking at her expectantly. ‘And I’m not gonna press charges,’ she says, Sana smiling at me serenely. ‘Apology accepted. Let’s agree to leave each other alone,’ I say, holding out a hand, and she nods, shaking it.

And then I join Jimin, sitting down on the bench beside him. We both sit in silence for a few moments, before he speaks. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asks quietly, head in his hands, and I let out a humourless laugh. ‘You didn’t have a right to know.’ ‘I know, but… I didn’t think you’d go through that yourself. I thought you’d come to me. I’m not angry because you didn’t tell me; I’m angry because you suffered alone when you didn’t have to,’ he says. ‘I didn’t suffer. And I had Mija,’ I say. ‘But I thought you’d want me with you,’ he says quietly. ‘I did. I did want you with me. But you made your feelings towards me clear. You can’t be angry now,’ I reply, and he sighs. ‘y/n, I… I lied,’ he says, and I laugh humourlessly again. ‘What about this time?’ ‘My feelings. I did like you. I do like you. I more than like you. It’s just difficult,’ he says, and I scoff. 

‘What’s so difficult about this, Jimin? We’re not Romeo and Juliet, or Cathy and Heathcliff, or Tristan and Isolde, or Jack and Rose, or Hamlet and Ophelia, or Gatsby and Daisy,’ I say. ‘I don’t know how the majority of those people are, but I get the gist. It’s not even us, y/n, it’s me. I want to be with you, of course I do. It’s just… I don’t think I’m capable of being loyal to you, and I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to break your heart. You deserve better than someone who can’t be loyal to you, who can’t love you completely,’ he says, and I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry, Jimin, but that’s such a cop-out. How can you claim you want to be with me, if you don’t even like me enough to be loyal?’ I say, and he shakes his head, frustrated. ‘No, no, it’s coming out wrong. I mean… I mean that I want to be with you, and I could be with you, and the chances are that I would be loyal to you, because to me, you’re the only girl in the world, y/n. I’m just scared that that might change one day. I don’t want it to, but what if it does? I don’t want to hurt you, you deserve more than that, more than me,’ he says, head still in his hands. ‘Then that happens. That’s what love is, Jimin. It’s unpredictable and it can be fickle, and if our love changes, then that’s okay. But for now, you… like me, and I like you. That’s all that matters, right?’ I say, and he looks at me for the first time.

His eyes are rimmed with red and his hair is a dishevelled and fluffy mess, eyes and cheeks puffy. He also has a black eye coming, as well as a split lip and a cut on his cheekbone. ‘I guess. I never thought about it like that,’ he says. ‘Of course you didn’t,’ I say quietly with a soft smile. ‘I’m just so scared,’ he says, and I take his hand in mine. ‘So am I, Jimin, terrified, in fact. But it’s okay,’ I say, and he smiles. A few seconds later, the smile falls from his face and he pulls his hand from mine. ‘I… you know the thing with me and Jeongyeon?’ he says, and the smile falls from my face too at that. ‘Yeah,’ I say hesitantly. ‘It wasn’t true. I said it to try and get you to move on from me,’ he says. ‘Don’t lie to me. I saw her leaving your room wearing your clothes,’ I say, and his head whips up, confusion etched across his face. ‘Wait, what?’ he says. ‘I saw her, leaving your room, wearing your clothes, the morning after we went for dinner,’ I say again, slowly. 

‘But… we didn’t sleep together. She left. Honestly. I went up to my room to check no one was in there, while we were tidying up, and she followed me up. She tried to get me into bed, but I rejected her, and she confronted me, asking me if you and I were together. I told her, no, we’re not together, but we’re fucking. And she went mad. We argued for ages. Then, she left, or so I thought, and when I went looking for you around the frat, I saw Chungae and asked her if she’d seen you. She said she saw you go home, and I couldn’t find my phone to text you, so I just went to bed, thinking I’d speak to you in the morning when I found my phone. Then, I was alone in bed when I woke up. The last time I saw her was when she left my room after our argument,’ he says. ‘But, Jimin, I heard you talking to her in the morning,’ I say, sceptical about his story. ‘y/n, when I woke up, I was alone. I must have been talking in my sleep or something,’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow, still suspicious.

‘Jeongyeon,’ he calls, the girl turning to look at us. ‘Did you come sleep in my room the night of that party, when we argued?’ he asks, and she shakes her head, looking puzzled. ‘I saw you coming out of his room in the morning, wearing his clothes, and you were speaking to him when I walked past his room,’ I say, and realisation is etched across her face. ‘I ended up sleeping with Jongho, the junior, and I was wearing his clothes. I went into Jimin’s room because I couldn’t find my phone and thought I might have left it there. He was saying your name in his sleep, and I said, ‘no, idiot, it’s me, not your girlfriend’ but he was asleep, so he didn’t reply. I ended up finding his phone, so I left it on his bedside table, and I eventually found mine in the kitchen. But no, I didn’t sleep in your room. What do you think I am?’ she says indignantly before turning away from us. 

‘See? I promise, I didn’t sleep with her. Not once. Not since I slept with you again. I haven’t slept with anyone since then,’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘Tae told me he saw Jeongyeon at the frat a lot,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘The only time I called her over was after you slept with Tae, because I was angry, and I wanted revenge, but you left before she even arrived, so I just sent her straight back home. All the other times, she just showed up, probably to see Jongho,’ he says. I want to believe him, but I’m still slightly suspicious. ‘Please, y/n, you have to believe me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I promise. It’s only you for me. I could never have slept with anyone else,’ he says, and there is true sincerity in his eyes, and an openness I’ve never seen before. This is him putting down his walls and letting me in. ‘I believe you,’ I say quietly, feeling slightly stupid for jumping to conclusions before. To be fair, it’s not like I didn’t have evidence, even if the evidence wasn’t what I thought it was. ‘You do?’ he asks, sounding as though he’s been told he won the lottery. ‘I do,’ I say. 

‘Wait, hold up, did you just propose?’ Jackson asks, everyone looking at us. ‘No, idiot, ‘I do’ is in the marriage vows,’ I say, rolling my eyes. ‘Did you just get married?’ he asks, sounding genuinely stunned, and Mija hits him around the head. ‘Moron,’ she mutters, and I hold back to a laugh, turning to face Jimin once more. ‘So what does this mean? For us?’ he asks. ‘I still need you to show me. I need you to show me that I can trust you, that I can give you my heart. I know I said I want you to ruin my life, but I want you to ruin it for the better,’ I say, and he lets out a soft chuckle. ‘I don’t think you can ruin things for the better,’ he says, a soft smile on his plump lips. ‘You can. I want you to ruin it as it is, but so it turns out better in the end,’ I say, and he nods, still smiling. ‘I’ll try my best, for you, princess,’ he says.

‘Right, listen up, kids,’ a police officer says from the door of the cell. ‘None of you want to press charges and so that means we’re going to let you go. Just… in the future, please refrain from… well, everything that led you up to this point. Those of you that are above the limit will have to get taxis home, and we can provide those,’ the police officer says. We sort out the taxis, deciding that the KPN boys will get one seven-seater, the ASP boys will get one seven-seater, Jeongyeon and Sana will get one five-seater, and Chen, Jackson, Jimin, Mija and I will get another seven-seater with two drop-off points, Jimin saying he’ll walk up from KPN to his own frat. I end up being sat at the very back of the cab by myself, Jimin at the front and Mija, Jackson and Chen in the middle, and so I just think. I think about everything that’s happened over the past couple months. I think about what I’m going to do about Eunwoo. I think about how I owe Mija, Jackson and Chen for being such good friends. I think about what’s going to happen with Chungae. I think about Jeongyeon, and how our friendship turned so sour in sophomore year. And I think about Jimin. When we reach our apartment, Mija turns to look at me. ‘I’m gonna head back to KPN with Jackson. I think you and Jimin should stay together tonight,’ she says, loudly enough for the others to hear before whispering just to me, ‘tend to his wounds, talk it all out, but don’t sleep with him. It’s better to get these conversations done straight away, while it’s still fresh and still on your mind.’ ‘Thank you, Mija. Text me to keep me updated,’ I say, beginning to climb out of the taxi. ‘And you do the same!’ she calls after me. Jimin and I wave at the taxi as it drives away, Jackson sticking his head out of the taxi like a dog.

As soon as it’s out of view, Jimin and I head up to the apartment in a comfortable silence. As soon as I step in, I kick off my heels and check the time, the clock in our living room reading 5.03am. ‘God, look at the time,’ I say to Jimin, before turning to look at him. The police station cleaned his wounds and put plasters on them, but they don’t look very effective, blood already seeping through. ‘Right, I hate to be like a mafia wife from a shitty film, but let me sort out your injuries,’ I say, grabbing our makeshift first aid kit from the kitchen before leading him into my en suite, knowing that that’s where the best lighting is. I tap the side, Jimin jumping up onto it with a wince. ‘Was it just your face?’ I ask, and he shakes his head. ‘He booted my shin, and I’m pretty sure it bled, and he smashed a glass on my arm, so there’s a cut there too,’ he says, my eyes widening. ‘When did this happen?’ I ask, rifling through our first aid kit. ‘When you were attacking Jeongyeon. Good job, by the way,’ he grins, and I laugh gently.

I roll up his jeans leg, the tight material just about going past where he was kicked on his lower shin, and the skin there has already begun to bruise. There’s a small cut with blood dried around it, and I will myself not to gag at the sight of it. I put some antiseptic onto a piece of tissue and gently clean the cut, Jimin only flinching very slightly. Once I’ve cleaned it, I put some cream on that reduces inflammation and swelling (to help the bruising go down), followed by a proper plaster (so thick, it’s almost a bandage). I move onto his arm, little gritty bits of glass still resting on his skin. I clean them away, being careful to make sure none of it goes onto the cut, before cleaning the cut itself and putting a plaster on that too. I move onto his face then, recleaning those cuts and replacing the plasters. I put the cream on the area around his eye too, noticing that the area under his eyebrow has already begun to swell. 

As I’m doing so, he gently grabs my wrist, looking at my hand. ‘Is that… you wear my ring?’ he asks, and I nod shyly. ‘I… I feel naked without it. It’s like a piece of me now,’ I say, and he beams at me. ‘Do you wanna put some ice on your eye?’ I ask, changing the subject before I get embarrassed, and he shakes his head. ‘That cream feels like ice on my skin, it should be more than enough,’ he says, and I nod. ‘What about you?’ he asks, and I grin. ‘The bitch barely touched me,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘All she did was pull my hair and kick my shin. I’ll probably have a bruise on my shin, but it’s fine,’ I say, and he grins. ‘That’s my girl,’ he says, my heart swelling at his words.

‘Do you want some water or something?’ I ask, filling up the glass beside the sink, and he nods. I hand it to him, and he downs it in one. He fills it again, and hands it to me to drink and I smile at him before sipping it down, bit by bit. ‘Come on, you need to change out of those clothes,’ I say, leading him into the bedroom. ‘Have you got any clothes for me though?’ he asks. ‘I think so,’ I say, rifling around in my wardrobe. I find a pair of his boxers, black Calvins, from sophomore year, throwing them to him, and he chuckles as I root around for anything else of his. ‘These are fine, if you can’t find anything else,’ he says, and I roll my eyes jokingly. ‘Of course they are,’ I say, loving the laugh he gives in return. 

I grab a pair of shorts and a strappy vest and go into the en suite, letting Jimin have his privacy to change, and giving myself that privacy too. It’s too soon to be naked in front of him again. I quickly change, wash off my makeup and brush through my hair, and when I go back into the bedroom, Jimin’s sat on the edge of the bed in just the boxers, his clothes neatly folded in the corner of the room. I try my hardest not to ogle his beautiful body, opting for putting my dirty clothes beside his. ‘Shall I sleep on the sofa, or…?’ he trails off, obviously not wanting to pressure me into anything, and I smile softly. ‘You can sleep in the bed, with me. But we’re just sleeping. That’s it,’ I say, and he nods with a smile. He climbs into bed, on the same side he always slept on, and I climb in beside him after replying to a couple texts from Namjoon and Mija letting me know they’re safe.

We just lie side-by-side, shoulders touching, and I listen to the sound of our breathing, the only sound I can hear. It’s like the rest of the world is silent, and it’s just us. ‘I wish I’d confessed my feelings for you sooner. I liked you in sophomore year, you know? I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you,’ he says, and I laugh gently, not having enough energy to feel surprised. ‘I know why. You’re not the relationships kinda guy,’ I say simply, and he chuckles. ‘I wasn’t the friends-with-benefits kinda guy. Until I met you. I wasn’t the ‘stay the morning after’ kinda guy. Until I met you. I wasn’t the ‘run out and get pregnancy tests and morning-after pills at the crack of dawn’ kinda guy. Until I met you. I’d never fallen in love with someone. Until I met you,’ he says gently. ‘Love?’ I ask. ‘Love,’ he confirms, hesitating before he continues.

‘I love you, y/n. I always have, baby, always. And I never even realised it. I’d been keeping an eye on you for a while, and when I heard you’d broken up with Eunwoo, I approached you at the first possible moment. I went over to you – do you remember that party? – I went over to you, offered you a drink, and you said ‘no, thanks, I’ve got one already’ and turned away from me. That was the moment,’ he says, and I look at him in confusion. ‘The moment I fell in love with you. The first girl to turn her back to me, to not care that it was me. And that’s one of the things that made me want you more than anything. You didn’t care who I was, didn’t care for my reputation. I didn’t have to live up to the image of ‘Park Jimin’ because you didn’t care who he was. So when I approached you again a couple hours later and we ended having a super deep and interesting conversation – the first one I’d ever had with a girl at a party – I knew you’d be part of my life. And then, we slept together, and it was amazing, the best sex I’d ever had. And I woke up in the morning, and you were gone. The first time a girl had ever done that to me. But you’d left a note, with your excuse of having a morning lecture, and your phone number. I was so eager to text you that I had to get one of the boys to hide my phone from me for a few hours. And then, every time I saw you, and we slept together, I fell for you even harder. And the mornings after didn’t help that at all,’ he admits, his words making me warm inside.

‘We wasted so much time,’ I say softly, and he nods. ‘I wish I hadn’t pushed you away. I wish I’d known, wish I’d understood that it was okay to feel uncertain, because that’s what love is. I don’t think I’ll ever fall out of love with you; it was just a possibility that scared me. And I guess I was scared that you’d do fall out of love with me. I’ve always felt like you could do better than me, but instead of being insecure about it, I should feel honoured that you’ve chosen me when there are so many others out there,’ he says, and I shake my head. ‘Don’t feel honoured, idiot. There’s no one better than you in my eyes. You’re the only one for me, Jimin,’ I say, and he smiles gently. 

‘I’m sorry, y/n, for wasting so much time. I really am. But I hope I can make it up to you. I’m ready to give you my heart, and everything that comes with it. I’d give you anything if you asked for it,’ he says, and I smile. ‘We have all the time in the world. I’m not ready to be in an official relationship yet, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have time. We’re about to graduate, Jimin, not retire. We’ve got the rest of our lives. If that’s what you want, that is,’ I say. ‘Of course that’s what I want, y/n. I love you,’ he says. ‘I love you too, Park Jimin. Thank you for ruining my life,’ I say softly, turning to him and placing a hand on his cheek. He puts his hand over mine, his bright chocolate eyes locking with mine, and I wonder how I could’ve ever thought there was someone else out there for me, when the most amazing, the most beautiful, most kind, most sensitive and sweet, most generous and funny, most perfect boy in the world was there all along.

I started this story by saying that I love university. Everything about it. And that hasn’t changed, not a single bit. Yes, maybe the past couple months have been… rocky to say the least. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. Because I’ve learnt a lot. I’ve learnt about myself, how strong and resilient I can be when the situation calls for. I’ve learnt about friendship, and what a true friend is. Chen, Jackson, Namjoon, Jungkook, Yoongi, Jin, Taehyung, even Hoseok, all got into a fight in a bar to stick up for me. Mija, I’ve learnt, is my soul sister, my rock, the person who stuck by my side and supported me no matter what. And after seeing how my friends have been so kind and loyal, I’ve learnt that I should expect nothing less of a friend. I’ve learnt about cruelty, and how spiteful and vindictive humans can be, knowing Chungae’s degree will be a waste of time as she won’t be employed as a nurse for the rest of her life because of what she did to me. And I’ve learnt how far people will go for what they want, knowing Jeongyeon went to such lengths to get the boy she wanted, only for it to backfire in the end. I’ve learnt how nasty people can be, Eunwoo showing that some leopards never change their spots. And I’ve learnt about love.

Love is acceptance of someone, seeing their flaws and loving them anyway. Love is vulnerability, giving yourself to someone entirely, knowing it could hurt you in the end. Love is clarity, the realisation that everything else in your life was just the prologue to the story that is about to begin, now that you have someone to love. Love is mysterious and unpredictable, and no one will ever fully understand it. It looks with not only the eyes, but with the mind. Love will never be what you expect it to be, and it is untamed, never to be controlled or contained. Love is the little things; gentle touches, even gentler kisses, the look in your eye when you see them, smiles across a room, interlocked hands, words whispered across pillows, wanting to hear about their day just because it’s them, giving up your time for them, smiling at your phone when you see their name. Love is a union, looking in the same direction together rather than at each other. Love is not the excitement and the breathlessness and the passion and lying awake at night thinking of him. Love is what’s left after that, what’s left after the ‘being in love’ has burned away. Love is looking to the other person when someone tells a joke, to see the laughter they give, the smile on their face. Love doesn’t just begin and end, it’s not linear and structured; it’s always there, just lying asleep, waiting.

And for me, Jimin was the one the awakened it.

‘It was a pleasure, y/n,’ he whispers, pressing his lips to my forehead gently before moving back to look at me again, ‘it was a pleasure to ruin your life.’ And that’s how we fall asleep; lost in each other’s eyes.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Get something off your chest. I hate how I can’t even cough once and not think that it’s maybe corona. Sometimes ya just gotta cough, you get that tickle in your throat or your mouth is dry or whatever and you have to cough, it doesn’t mean you’re coming down something. Other illnesses besides corona exist as well (though it doesn’t seem like it anymore). Ugh, but it’s always my first thought now whenever I have to cough, sneeze, or just feel sicky (which isn’t unusual for me).  2. The last dream you remember having. I rarely remember my dreams for some reason. I quickly forget them after waking up.  3. Current relationship in details. Single. 4. A photo of your best friend. 5. You have a sleepover with 5 people from Tumblr, who do you pick and why? Okay, c’mon Lane, Elisabeth, Robyn, Lina, and Laura we’re gonna have a getaway to somewhere fun. haha.

6. Your last sexual experience – when/where/how/who. 7. Tell us about someone you hate/strongly dislike. Just myself. 8. List everything you eaten today. So far just ramen, which was at 1AM. It’s 7AM now. I am kinda hungry, but I’m not gonna eat again until later on after I get up and stuff. 9. Post an unflattering photo of yourself. Uh, that’s a hell no.  10. Post lyrics that are relevant to how you feel right now. “And we’ll sleep all, sleep all day...” 11. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? Thankfully, that would never happen, but if it did I guess I’d stay with my aunt. 12. The last time you were angry and why. Blah. 13. The last time you cried and why. A couple days ago. 14. How your life was different this time last year? Well, at least last July In was able to go somewhere for my birthday. The world hadn’t yet been hit by corona. It’s crazy, we had no idea what was to come. 15. Go to your photo folder, go to the first letter of your name and post the first photo. I’m using my phone to watch a YouTube video and I don’t feel like clicking off it to do that. I don’t have any photos saved on my laptop, so. 16. Would you rather run through town naked at midday or sleep with the most disgusting person you know? Well, I’m not running naked out in public especially, nor am I going to sleep with anyone. 17. Google your horoscope for today – how accurate is it? Nah. 18. You have to spend a day with number 23 on your IM contact list. How lucky are you? I don’t have any instant messengers. Well, except for Facebook Messenger and the chat thingy on here, but there isn’t a contact list. 19. Refresh your dashboard, whose blog do you prefer, the first or fifth person to appear. The 5th, @just-shower-thoughts 20. Tell us about someone you miss or the time you miss. I miss my childhood. And despite the fact I’ve been going through a rough and low time these past few years, at least there wasn’t a global pandemic going on. I miss not having that.  21. List things you spend money on in an average week. I don’t spend much money, honestly. I do some online shopping sometimes, but I’ve been pretty good about not spending a lot this year. There are still those pesky bills, though. 22. Your plans for summer. Couldn’t do anything this year. I’m so glad summer is almost over, though. 23. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. 24. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. It was for this YouTube channel I follow, Defuntland, that makes videos about stuff like past amusement park rides, amusement park history, and old TV shows. I’ve been obsessed with channels like this lately, I’ve been watching a ton of videos from a few different channels. 25. Your best friend starts dating your ex. How do you feel about it? My mom would never do that. 26. Address a few words to 3 people. Nah. 27. Refresh your dashboard. Who would you rather sleep with, the second person or the sixth that appears? No one. 28. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? I’m 31 years old. They’d be happy for me and be like, finally! ha. Cause they don’t know about my boyfriend I had in high school (it was very brief anyway) or the whole Joseph situation. Well, my mom kinda did. I know my parents definitely thought something was or would happen with me and Ty, though. They were all for that. But anyway, so yeah they haven’t seen me in a relationship. 29. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they've slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Virgin here. 29. What was the last sport you watched on TV? I don’t watch sports. 30. How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? I give out a lot of chances. 31. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? A lot of things, but not everything. 32. Ever had a crush on a teacher/someone at least 10 years older/member of the same sex? Alexander Skarsgard is 13 years older than me. 33. Do you like being alone? I like having my alone time, I need that, but I don’t want to be alone all the time. 34. Describe what you are wearing. Leggings and an oversized graphic tee. 35. Name one thing you love about winter. Christmastime! 36. What’s your phone wallpaper right now? The lock screen is a Bible verse written over a beachy photo and my home screen is rose gold. 37. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? Yeah, my loved ones. 38. How did you get one of your scars? Surgery. 39. What board games are you good at? I don’t if I’m necessarily good, but I love board games.  40. When you like someone do you tell them? Depends.

[khreativ]

The Invisible Enemy Pt. 2

 Now where was I... alright.  So the Monday evening after the monitor incident when my sister returned home from work, I decided it was time for a conversation.  After she got in and showered and was having her tea, I told her we needed to talk and asked her to get her phone.  She immediately started to panic.. I relaxed her and told her to calm down we just needed to chat and so we did.  I think she delayed saying anything because she thought I wouldn't believe her and at the same time she’s asking me why I didn’t say anything... my response.. I told you if there was something bothering you to talk to me on multiple occasions.  Any way, we had a good long chat and decided to fight this attack together and that we have been doing.  We have been having devotions and praying together every night and saying the warfare prayer every morning and night for two weeks, in addition to reading it during the day when we felt like we were under attack.  We haven’t slept much in the past few weeks, with the exception of perhaps last night where we both got some sleep.  When she slept, i was awake for most of the night in a spiritual battle and vice versa, and the same was true for her. At other times, we both didn’t sleep and were battling with the help of the Holy Spirit no doubt.  We armored ourselves in prayer every single day and night and rebuked Satan and his demons.. it felt like there was a different thing every night.  We are still facing attacks, but we don’t cower, we will not be discouraged!  We stand and battle, putting on the whole armor of God.  God doesn’t leave you to stand on your own when you are in a battle my dear Christian, He prepares you and helps you every step of the way.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper, none.  The promises of God are sprinkled through the Bible... go read the book of Psalms, Isaiah 54: 14-17, Romans 8:28, Hebrews 4:14-16, just to name a few.

Anyway, the following night the Tuesday night was a night I will never forget that last Tuesday in July!!  We went to bed, prayed, covered ourselves with the blood of Jesus and prepared for bed and battle, at some point during the night, somewhere close to 1am, the Holy Spirit woke me to pray and so I did!  Before going to bed, my sister said we should get up at midnight to pray, but I told her, the Holy Spirit would rouse us and so we did as normal and played down.  Any way, when I was roused to pray, I figured she was still asleep and decided not to wake her and pray I did.  I called out the name of the enemies (the tenants) in my prayer and put them before the Lord that much I remember.. and earnestly prayed to the Lord my God.  Just as I was ending my prayer, my sister woke up and begun to pray and I laid there singing the praises of my heavenly Father.. As I noticed my sister like she was about to kneel, I heard a loud groan coming from the floor beneath me.  An eerie sound, loud enough to rouse me... the Holy Spirit had me up in fight mode, I sprang up on my knees in the bed as if I had pounced on the person’s chest and began to scream out at the top of my lungs “GET OUT!! GET OUT!! I rebuke you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!! The blood of Jesus is against you and your bloodline...” that much I remember. And I was going off at the top of my lungs for how long I don’t know and my sister started in with me.  She did not hear what I heard, she said she felt an evil energy stirring beneath her when she was on the floor! And we went on.  I was on fire, she was on fire and we were completely washed in sweat.  I cannot remember much of anything that I said, but I know this didn’t happen in and of myself and I give all credit to the Heavenly Father, the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit that He sent to in dwell His people.

He promised me victory and the victory has been won and He gets all the glory and the honor.  My sister looked at the time and said it was about 1:30.  We laid back down and then just as we began to settle down she yelled out and we were engaged in another spiritual battle.  She said she something like a dark cloud on the roof and it was as if he wrote the name “Lucifer” and then sulphur. I laughed and said, he’s calling for help.  There is no help for the wicked.  Psalm 34:15-16 (NIV) “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are attentive to their cry; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth.”  You can also read 1 Peter 3:12 which repeats those verses almost verbatim.

The battle is not over yet, we are still under attack from the Adversary, but we are standing on the promises of God and claiming His victory and are joyous.  There are various attacks... to us, it is loud popping sounds in my fan or the television.  Yesterday I heard the fridge make a loud popping sound and I simply said out loud “I’m ready for the fight!”  We wondered if it was simply an electrical surge, but the lights didn’t flicker.  I know as a child of God I will always be under some form of attack, but know this, I am not discouraged and I am not giving up!  Jesus knows what we are going through... if you look at Matthew 4:1-11(NIV), you will read where Jesus was tempted by the devil after fasting for 40 days and 40 nights and He rebuked the devil.  And then if you read Hebrews 4:15(NIV) which says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet He did not sin.”

I can only encourage you to stand firm and stay with God if you are currently serving Him.  The body of Christ is under attack right now in every way, shape and form, even more than ever.  But I want to encourage you to stay with God, because what He has in store for you is far better than anything the world has to offer.  It can get real tough and discouragement and fear will come flying at you from every angle, but you aren’t alone in the battle.  You may feel like you are, but you are not.  The Lord has equipped you with everything you need to get through and be victorious in your battle!  If you aren’t serving the Lord and you have been feeling that tug in your heart, that the Lord is calling you.. then I would suggest you listen to that voice, listen to that call.  He loves you and His is calling you to Him.  The battles we face are minor in comparison to the joys and blessings that He has in store for us.

I for one, am going no where.. like I said, the Lord gave the enemy permission to test me.  And the size of this attack is simply a testament to the size of the blessing that is coming!! Amen!! So right now, I am anxiously waiting to see what the Lord is going to do, what He will bring about.  Because all this that is taking place is simply pushing me into my destiny and closer to the Lord, my God, my Savior and my Redeemer.  I am a young woman serving Christ and there is no where else I would rather be than in the arms of my Savior.  He is my rock, my fortress, my refuge, my strength.  And I thank Him for He is working all things together for my good and surely my enemies will know that the Lord my God has done all this!  Amen.

Be blessed and stand the course.  Our God is able!

[mcrmadness]

Funny how seagulls always remind me of summer so much. They arrived back to Finland a few weeks ago and every time I sit at my computer at night while having my window open and hear them scream, it reminds me of summer and somehow I’m super excited for the summer. I don’t even have any plans but I’m just so excited because this is going to be the first summer in years that I can finally spend at home, and the whole summer and not just a few weeks of it (even tho the Finnish summer usually lasts only about 2-4 months, depending on what kind of weather decides to stop over Finland that year). It’s currently still spring in Finland, the trees don’t even have their leaves so it will take a few weeks before the actual summer weather comes here (if it comes anyway).

So many summers I’ve slept on my couch because it’s too warm to sleep in my bed (except for last year, it was pretty cold so that I could sleep in my bed the whole summer) and just the sounds that come from outside at night are so relaxing. My personal favourite is the birds, not necessarily seagulls as they’re sometimes so damn loud, but the smaller birds. They always become quiet for couple of hours at night and then they start singing around 3-4am again, that is just one of the best sounds of summer for me. I’m usually up at that time, too.

The summer in Finland is so short anyway but it’s kinda special because it never gets dark. Tourists who come to Finland often find it difficult to sleep because it looks like it’s daytime 24/7. Sometimes it annoys me too, but I kinda love those few weeks when you can’t know if the time is 6pm or 1am because it’s pretty much as bright at both times. And I love that smell of summer nights. It always just feels like it goes by so fast that it makes me sad already in July when I notice the nights getting darker. It’s also weird because I’m a nightowl, I do have a fear of darkness but I still get annoyed every spring when it starts getting brighter every morning because the nights feel so much shorter and I feel like I don’t have enough time for myself because it means the world is starting to wake up soon. The length of darkness during winter nights is what I love too, but I don’t like how dark also they days are, and how little daylight we get (in my area during the darkest months it’s about 5-6h/day, it’s shorter to further up north you go and at certain point sun doesn’t rise at all; and during summer it’s the opposite - the sun does not set at all in Lapland, there’s literally this phenomenon called a midnight sun).

So the thought of upcoming summer is making me happy now. Mainly because the summer is not here yet so I don’t need to feel sad for it going by already. I know it happens super fast when it finally is summer but right now I just feel like I’m enjoying this and I’ll probably remember to enjoy the summer too.

Like I said, for so many years I haven’t been able to spend the whole summer just at home doing nothing, because I’ve been studying and working. And normally I had summer holidays for about 2-3 weeks but the last time I had an actual summer holiday was in... 2016, I think. In 2017 I had 3 weeks off from work, but those were not the best because on the first week I had to go to a dentist and take so much antibiotics for that, that it upset my whole system and I was sick for a week because of my stomach; on the second week I was to school then and of course I caught a flu from there and the last holiday week I spent sick. And then I went back to work and I was still mildly sick but not so much that I couldn’t have continued working. And in 2018 I didn’t have summer holiday because I knew that my work and school were going to end in the Autumn and we had lot of stuff to do at work so I felt like I can do this because I’ll be getting lots of free time after October. So I worked through the whole summer. And then I spent the whole winter just recovering from 5 years of studying and working and trying to focus on my mental health more from that on. Last year then I thought I was going to finally have summer for myself only but nope, I was persuaded by a couple of people to go to work for them (or it was through employer agency so no actual paid job) and I agreed, and that’s where I was spending the summer, then. And I quit in August because of stress and so many other things that were way too overwhelming to me and well, it was already August and the summer started to go to end already. I hope this summer will be bit better than this and I can enjoy the sounds of summer nights  while watching TV while it’s bright as day outside. My personal favourite from the sounds btw is the sounds coming from the plywood factory nearby - which btw sometimes also has this smell of warm wood which is also one of my favorite smells and I could take that smell as an air refreshner just anytime :D (I don’t use them actually because they smell terrible, but if there was one with warm wood, I’d be sold immediately.)

Seagulls also remind me of this ice cream kiosk in my town. I visited that probably only twice last year because of how cold it was and I freeze easily already and I don’t like eating ice cream (or anything too cold) unless it’s actually a warm weather. Btw, do seagulls live everywhere or only near places with water? I don’t know because my town is literally in the middle of one of the Finland’s biggest lakes so we always have all kinds of (fresh) water birds here and I just one day started wondering that are these birds actually found from cities without bigger lakes, too...

[sincerelybillie]

“oh, you must be so proud”

i pulled into the promenade towers’ parking garage, using the time until the parking attendant walked over to me, to engage in a staring contest with a  woman who very critically wondered what i was doing in her neck of the woods. she was sitting with a man at a table outside of the cafe of the shopping center that was connected to the complex. they were wearing matching tennis outfits. 

“if only she knew what her boyfriend was doing in the neck of my woods,” spoke Garnet, a specter that sometimes rides shotgun with me. i lost the staring contest by turning to look at her. 

“the guy sitting across from her?” i looked again to see that the woman had turned to him. she aggressively flipped her blonde hair over one shoulder and crossed her arms, as he retreated into his seat. Garnet nodded. i placed my forehead on the steering wheel. “fuck...”

when i sat back up, the parking attendant was smiling at me, asking with his eyes, “long day?” i greeted him, in a manner that a polite and normal person would. the gate lifted, i somehow crammed my large sports car into my narrow parking spot, and Garnet and i walked up to my studio. 

the leasing agent greeted us, me with a warm smile, and i noticed her with who i assumed to be a new tenant heading towards the same elevator as me. i decided then to take the stairs, but seeing as how i lived on the 14th floor and Garnet was already yanking me to the elevator, i inevitably ended up with the three of them. the tenant was a man about my height, who looked to be in his early 30′s but carried the sadness of someone who lived much longer and failed to fill it with things that made him happy. but whatever he spent that time doing, it afforded him this place. 

the leasing agent, Theresa, introduced us, and i wish she hadn’t. his name was Frank Gennaro, he was moving in today after living on the east coast his whole life, and he was single. Garnet perked up and looked at me, and i pretended not to notice her, which was important. because normal people weren’t supposed to notice her. 

as we ascended stories, i began to worry Frank was going to be occupying the vacant studio on my floor, the one i shared a wall with. 

Theresa does this thing where she likes to double as a matchmaker so her workday can involve something other than telling people about the unreasonable fees that make living here unattainable for the average american.

“if there’s anything i haven’t shown you or told you or answered questions about, i’m sure this wonderful lady here can help you,” Theresa said, rubbing my arm affectionately. i forced an uncomfortable smile, trying to make it look like the kind a wonderful lady would give someone. i got out first when the elevator dinged. i winced when i realized Theresa was, in fact, unlocking the apartment next door. i heard a whoosh sound and already knew Garnet was gone. the door locked behind them, and i sighed, entering my place.

i walked to the edge of my less-than-400 square foot studio and stepped into my solarium, watching the afternoon ubers and commuters and metro buses below. every time i’m up here, it feels like i’m levitating above the city. if i was more of a classist, it might actually make me feel like i’m better than everyone down there, better than the girl who was giving me death glare even though Garnet slept with her boyfriend and didn’t let me know. 

speaking of the devil, just a moment later, she phased through the wall and rushed up behind me, startling me. she laughed, knowing i had plenty of thoughts of the window somehow shattering and me plummeting to my death from the 14-story fall. i know Garnet had compulsive thoughts about pushing me, too. 

“he’s definitely single,” Garnet confirmed, not that i was curious. i checked my phone, noticing a missed call from my dad. he probably wanted me to meet some relatives for dinner in la habra, mention my degree or job or the things he can find it in his heart to be proud of me for. i texted him an apology and said i wasn’t feeling well. 

and it wasn’t a lie. i hadn’t been feeling well for awhile. Garnet had become tangible, started body snatching, and even killing people. i couldn’t really go anywhere without her, and it was hard to explain my current living situation without delving into the madness of it all. but maybe my dad could finally brag to people that i got into stanford, as long as he omitted it was the psychiatric hospital. 

it might also be hard to explain that my “savings account money” that allowed me to apply for the promenade without a guarantor was money Garnet phased into a federal bank for. and i, in true cliche scandal form, got the highest paying entry level job one could find in this industry, through blackmail via information that Garnet retrieved. and that since the new year began, i don’t remember the people i have slept with or that i have slept with them because Garnet only tells me weeks after it happens because she gets a twisted kick out of watching me bump into my, her hook ups. 

Garnet was a curse, but she got other people’s parents to tell my father, “oh, you must be so proud” in regards to me. so, in a way, i was indebted to her, even if i didn’t ask for or agree with the ways she showed up in my life. she was supportive and destructive at the same time, so it was hard to really figure out how i felt about her. the same can be said about many parents. 

that night, i decided to clear my head and go to the jacuzzi by the south tower because it was the less popular one and therefore the one where i could have more time and space to myself. it was only less popular because the Rich Old Business Men lived in many of the south tower condos, and most young tenants know not to go to their jacuzzi at night, lest we want an uncomfortable encounter with someone who is more than likely a registered Republican. 

i took my chances because i wanted to be alone and it was 1am on a tuesday night, so the Rich Old Business Men were probably too sleepy to sexually assault a neighbour. this was naive, and as if i wouldn’t already be forced to assume responsibility for the actions of a repulsive, entitled but ultimately powerful magnate...i would be actually a little at fault for what happened tonight. 

i don’t really wear bikinis out in public because it’s out of character and style for me. i typically dress like a 19 year old boy. a 19 year old boy interning at a late night talk show if i’m being business casual. when i do wear them, people come to the realization that i have long legs and tits, parts of me other people have always liked more than i ever got to. 

i sank into the jacuzzi’s bubbling water, needing my muscles to relax after a long day at work and dealing with the awkward aftermaths of anything Garnet had been a part of. but i would be lying if i said my body’s tension wasn’t partially caused by the fact that i saw the sliding doors of the fitness center open and a mysterious-looking man step outside. he began walking alongside the pool, towards me. i wanted to hide, like an alligator in swamp waters, only i felt less like the predator and more like the prey. i didn’t know if i would be able to do anything if the man was to suddenly join me in the hot tub, if i was already this scared from this far away. the offense was more Garnet’s speed. and the one time i think i actually needed her, she was nowhere to be found. 

the man came closer, and underneath the light, i finally saw that it was Frank. 

“hey,” he greeted. 

“hi,” i said, slowly lifting my body back up. i noticed his large gym bag, dangling from his right hand. in an attempt to move the conversation to its cordial end, i told him, “you know, everyone gets their own locker in the fitness center, so you don’t have to lug your gym stuff back and forth from your apartment.” i gestured back to the center. 

“i know,” he said, placing the bag down. my heart started racing to keep up with the thoughts rushing to my head, that something bad was about to happen to me. i noticed him staring at my chest, and if i retreated back into the water, he’d know he scared me. if i got out and ran, that only said it louder. he reached into his bag. 

“what are you -” i began to ask, but felt too paralyzed to finish because did i even want to know? was he actually going to tell me, “i’m just gonna reach into my bag and grab the thing i’m going to kill you with. i mean, look at me, i’m obviously too sad to care about the consequences. and your death might make me feel like i had control over something in my life.” no, he wasn’t going to say that.

i sat up abruptly, as he held a type of flashlight at me and pointed it at my chest. i flinched, blinded by the brightness and looked down, squinting at whatever he was pointing at.

there was a massive hole in my sternum. i looked up, horrified and confused. i began breathing heavily, scooting back into my corner of the jacuzzi and scrambling up and out of it. 

“what the fuck is that?! what did you do?!”

Frank turned the light off, placed it back in his bag, and pulled out a small cylindrical container i can only describe as something you’d see in Ghostbusters. it looked like the vacuum cartridge to suck ghosts into, which was fitting, because as Frank rotated the container, i saw a gaseous, flailing, inaudibly screaming Garnet inside. 

i looked up at Frank, reaching for my towel and my grip on reality, which was already a bit fuzzy, considering Garnet had been a part of it. and now, Ghost Hunter Frank was, too. he placed the container back in his bag and stood up. i did, too. this lighting really didn’t help his whole dark eye circles, pale skin and freckles combination situation. he looked, quite literally, like he had just seen a ghost.

“i can explain everything to you tomorrow. meet me at the cafe at 10,” he said, before walking away, with both a calmness and an exhaustion i have never seen.

i stood in my towel, calling after him, angry that he got to see me in two of the most vulnerable states i could be found in, “what the fuck am i supposed to do now?” 

he stopped and turned around. i tried to hold my anger, but i was definitely intimidated. 

“get some sleep. i imagine you haven’t been able to do that for awhile now.” 

Garnet orchestrated some intense dreams and messed with the thermostat in the middle of the night enough times for me to easily agree that Frank’s statement was true. i haven’t slept properly in ages. but it was the first time in awhile that i was going to go to bed without her presence. 

and ironically, the thought of her absence and what i just saw and questions about Frank had kept me up all night. i rolled over in bed all night, occasionally glancing at the solarium, seeing more lights turn off in the apartment buildings across the street. i watched the sun come up. 

when 10am rolled around, so did i, turning the corner to the cafe when and where we said we would meet. Garnet still apparently haunted me because i walked right into the chest of that blonde woman’s boyfriend. 

“hey!” he said, annoyed at first and then adjusting his facial expression when he noticed it was me. “hey...” he said again, and then once more when he asked if we could talk. 

“i can’t, i’m actually meeting someone,” i said, conveniently being able to gesture at Frank, who was watching us from the same table the matching tennis outfit couple had been at just yesterday. 

he looked back at Frank and chuckled resentfully when he turned to face me again. “yeah? and you’re gonna fuck around with him, too?” he asked, his demeanor suddenly shifting back to irritation. i paused.

what the fuck. he was just as guilty as, if not more than, me, Garnet for cheating on his girlfriend. i didn’t know who he was, much less that he had an uppity, classist, racist girlfriend who thinks every person of colour at the promenade is “the help” and treats the actual staff at the complex even worse. 

from what i’ve seen, she was a bad emotional investment to begin with and if he wanted to be with someone else (or just not her), he should have had the decency to break up with her. Garnet might’ve known he wasn’t single, but i wasn’t responsible for his relationship. or Garnet. and that was especially true because she was locked away in a goddamn vacuum sealed container and i was still processing that. 

so, “fuck you, man”, i said, and walked over to Frank. 

annoyed by the double standards of my previous male encounter, my hostile energy translated to my interaction with Frank. “where’s Garnet?” i asked with tautness, suddenly feeling protective of her. so what if she was selfish, reckless, and mean? she was still a person. or at least, she was once. right? what are the laws or ethics around holding captive someone who disobeys the laws of physics...

“she’s still where she was the last time you saw her,” he said. “do you want coffee?”

he was speaking so calmly. like, this was casual conversation had between endearing neighbours. “i need answers,” i said, growing agitated. “what was that last night?” 

the boyfriend walked past as i asked that and i felt his rays of slut-shaming shooting at me. and speaking of rays, there was that light Frank had shined on me that looked like i got vaporized. “and now, there’s a giant fucking hole in my chest?”

“that’s what happens when you fuck around with people who are taken,” muttered the blonde woman, who had apparently been meeting up with her man just one table over. no matching outfits this time. 

“eavesdropping? really? are either of you capable of actually focusing on your own relationship?” i snapped.

“hey,” Frank whispered, trying to lasso my attention and temper. 

“what was your plan just two minutes ago?” i asked the boyfriend. “to chat with me real quick about how you can’t stop thinking about that night before patching things up with your girlfriend who, by the way, has a lot of misdirected rage?” they didn’t say anything, and i turned back to face Frank, who was looking down, either embarrassed for me or by me. 

“oh, shut up,” i told him. he shook his head. 

“i didn’t say anything.”

“you’re not saying anything helpful at all,” i argued.

“that’s because you barely let me get a word in,” he said, sternly. i exhaled. 

“i didn’t do anything. all of the bad shit that gets associated with me, the guy and his girlfriend and the whole fucking around thing. that wasn’t me. it was Garnet, and -” 

“i know. i know it’s not you, but it’s...kind of you.” he cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “i know you might think Garnet is just some ghost who picked you for some reason to be the subject or vehicle of all of her mayhem, but she’s more than that.”

“what do you mean?” 

“she’s a manifestation of every negative thought you’ve had, every impulse you wanted to act on. it’s really rare for them to have real-life consequences of this magnitude, much less actually appear in tangible or intangible form whenever they want. but that’s where i come in.”  

“...as a ghostbuster?” 

“as an exterminator. think of Garnet as an infestation of bad thoughts. she’s a part of you, but a part of you that has gotten stronger with your built up resentment or anger. you have to remove her, like a tumor before she eventually kills the host and takes over completely. like, when termites start weakening the foundation of a home -”

“i get the metaphor,” i interrupted, taken aback by the information and how quickly and how much Frank suddenly started talking. 

“but that’s what the hole is; the stronger she gets, the closer she becomes to having a permanent physical form, while you start dissolving.” 

i sat back, exhaling deeply. after a moment, i asked, “so, you really moved in next to me just to to catch her? how did you know she was here?” 

“actually, that was a wild coincidence. i retired and moved out here as a getaway, maybe do freelance engineering work, but i forgot i didn’t uninstall the software on my watch that detects paranormal energy. when you got in the elevator, i had gotten an alert. and then i got another one when Theresa was in my apartment.”

“i think the most unbelievable part of that story is that anyone could possibly retire in their 30′s...” 

“i’m 47,” he corrected me. “but thank you.”  

“being able to retire at 47 is still unrealistic,” i said, diverting my own attention from his appearance and accidentally flattering it.

“i was the only one doing this work in my area for a long time, so the demand got kind of crazy and when you’re the best bet to call every single time -”

 "you must be so proud,” i teased at his humble-brag, attempting to stifle my own heightening panic. Frank sighed as well, sounding a different kind of exhausted. “so, why didn’t you think Theresa was the source of the paranormal whatever, if your watch beeped whenever you were around her?” i asked. 

“if it was Theresa, then she’s the physical manifestation of kindness and hospitality. i mean, if there’s a ghost running around helping people...i don’t feel the need to intervene. Garnet’s energy was volatile...dangerous. if you let her get any worse, she could do some serious damage.”

i wanted to defend myself and say i wasn’t “letting” her do anything, but she had shoved a man off a cliff this past summer and when the local news station reported it as a whitewater rafting accident, she was laughing at the tv screen. like she was proud of herself for getting away with it and mocking the reporters for not being as smart as her. and i didn’t even scold her. i wanted to believe that maybe the guy was awful in his own way, so the scales were balanced. and maybe that reaction made me just as horrible as Garnet. Garnet had been an out-of-control beast of a child that i didn’t even try to discipline because a part of me felt like everything she did was sort of justified. if she came from me, from the worst parts of me, that were angry and hurt, i understood her. and in a way, i was grieving the loss of her. i had even been a little jealous of her for getting to exist on her own terms. she got to act on everything that she felt in ways i couldn’t and didn’t. 

i wanted to see her as a robin hood, but maybe i was idealizing a monster because it was easier than actually growing up and being accountable for my own responses to all the pain in my life. 

Frank caught me deep in thought, puncturing the space between us with a “are you going to be okay?” 

“i don’t know,” i said after a moment. and it might have been the most honest thing i had said in years. 

TEN YEARS LATER

Faith’s kindergarten teacher opens the door at dismissal, and kids shuffle over to their parents and/or guardians. mine toddles over with her unicorn backpack, face full of freckles, and bouncy curls. she’s the most precious thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life, and i feel this way every time i look at her. just before i hold my hand out to grab hers, her teacher turns to me. 

“oh, Mrs. Gennaro!” she chirps, and i match her energy. 

“hiiiii,” i respond. 

“i just wanted to say you know, that Faith was such a great helper today! i really appreciate how eager she is to make sure the classroom is organized.”

“oh, well, that’s great to hear,” i laugh. “she’s really meticulous about things being in order at home, too, actually. makes life a lot easier for me.” her teacher’s smile dissolved slightly.

“oh, you must be so proud. and well, i actually wanted to discuss that a little more with you if you ever have time.” 

“what do you mean? is something wrong?” i asked. the teacher was intermittently saying goodbye to other students and the people picking them up while trying to pacify my increasing impatience. finally, when they all left (and by now, Faith was waiting for me at the swings), the teacher looked at me with the concern only an educator who is about to suggest counseling possesses. 

“Faith’s attention to detail is definitely a strong suit, but she is exhibiting behaviour that can be symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder,” she told me.

“you’re saying my kid has OCD?” i asked, crossing my arms at her bold suggestion. “just because a five year old is more organized than most adults does not mean something’s going on with her head and we can start throwing around psychological evaluations.” 

“i’m not diagnosing her by any means, but i do double as the school’s therapist and i do know the signs. she is very particular about the way she wants things placed or the order art materials and books are in. she counts the steps from the playground to her carpet square. and if it’s not to her liking, she lashes out or repeats things and moves things around. and if someone gets in her way or rushes her, she has started screaming at them. i’m worried it will impact her ability to be around other students and focus in class.” 

most kids want things done their way and will throw a fit every now and then, nobody’s perfect. i didn’t spoil her and nobody yelled in our household, so wherever she picked it up was either A. from some other child at the school who figured out screaming equals appeasement served up by weak and/or tired adults or B. it was normal childlike behaviour that shouldn’t be read into so much.

as i was thinking this, i looked again at Faith while she swung on the swingset, kicking her feet up in the air and giggling, alongside another girl. i hadn’t noticed the other student before, but she looked remarkably familiar. Faith waved at me, and i waved back smiling. the other girl joined, continuing to wave even after Faith put her hand down. 

“well, she seems to be getting along just fine with her friend,” i noted. the teacher looked over to the playground and back at me, puzzled by my statement. i followed her eyes and saw Faith swinging alone. 

“nevertheless, call me if you’d ever like to discuss how we can both best support her in class,” her teacher offered, probably deciding i needed counseling, too, or something more intensive. i called Faith over, and as we headed to the car, my heart dropped. 

“i call shotgun,” spoke Garnet, already sitting in the front passenger seat. behind her, in a levitating booster seat was the girl i had seen swinging next to Faith just moments ago. 

i pulled out my phone to call Frank, but my hands were trembling. i dropped my phone because i was shaking so hard. Faith picked it up.

“there’s lots of calls from Daddy,” she told me. i looked at my phone and saw four missed calls and about a bunch of text messages. 

“Call me back, EMERGENCY”

“Storage unit got broken into, someone has the container” 

“CALL ME BACK”

“DO NOT COME HOME, MEET ME AT MY OFFICE WHEN YOU PICK UP FAITH”

“ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU HAVE FAITH?”

“COME TO MY OFFICE ASAP”

Garnet smirked at me as i read Frank’s texts. “well? do you have faith?” she asked, and i could see her holding her in her corny laughter. time (and the vacuum sealed container) hadn’t been kind to her. her makeup was smudged, her lips were chapped, and she had lost a lot of (metaphysical) weight. 

“Mommy?” Faith asked, as i stared into the backseat of the car. the other girl had started inaudibly screaming from inside, bashing her head against the window and swinging her hands around violently, her tiny fists thudding against the glass. i gasped, stepping back and felt Faith tugging on my shirt, getting scared as well. “who is that?”

“you can see them?” i asked. 

“that girl’s in my class. and that’s her mom. she said she was your old friend.” i swallowed the knot in my throat. “are we giving them a ride?” 

“no,” i answered. 

“why is she acting like that?” Faith asked, as the other girl only got more violent, rabid almost. 

“i don’t know. we need to get to your father.” 

Garnet appeared next to me, holding the hand of her own daughter, who had suddenly calmed down. 

“race you there,” she challenged. “your kid seems smart.” i looked down at Faith, gripping her hand tighter and making sure she was still there, still mine, still safe. “you must be so proud,” Garnet whispered before disappearing. 

[lil-papaya-tifosi]

Masterlist

Word Count: 3777

Summary: Things rarely happen during the night shift, but tonight, it seems like the whole world is ending. Well, only according to my neighbor.

It was a night like any other. After 1am people rarely came into the small shop to get anything, be it food, drinks or other things they found here. Therefore I often had some peace until the end of my shift, which wasn’t until morning at 6 o’clock. It was exactly the same now. I had just said goodbye to the last customer and let myself fall on the small stool that always stood behind the counter. A quick look at the small digital clock next to the cash register told me that it was just after 1. If someone stormed into the store now, the world really had to be ending. And by that I didn’t mean a miniscule storm, but something bigger. Like a nuclear war between Trump and North Korea or the outbreak of the zombie apocalypse.

For a short moment I closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence. As long as you could call the buzzing of the refrigerated counters and the quiet music coming out of the speakers silence. I had become so accustomed to the constant background noises that they almost had a calming effect on me. Every now and then the flickering neon tube above the candy shelf attracted my attention. Not a soul was to be seen far and wide. The view I had from around the heated counters for the baked goods, onto the small side street confirmed this. At this time of day a lone car rarely drove here and if one ever did, then mostly only to avoid the idiotically operated traffic lights of the main streets.

I sat down normally again and dug out my papers to study. I did that almost every night shift I had. One of the reasons why I really couldn’t understand why each of my colleagues avoided the night shift. Unlike during the day, it was always quiet, because exciting things rarely happened during the night shifts. I was almost always able to concentrate on learning, and I hardly ever had to deal with annoying customers or noisy children. Usually they brought up the argument that I could also learn at home and should spend the nights sleeping. But the big difference was that I wasn’t paid at home also I didn’t sleep at home anyways, when I was spending the nights learning. Besides, a student knows no sleep during the Finals week. It’s basically an unwritten law. Thus this argument was also void. Therefore I preferred to be paid for learning. >Okay, let’s have a look.< I thought to myself before I buried my nose in my anatomy book.

The loud ringing of the bell above the shop door, which had been violently torn open, tore me away from my notes. Frightened, I flinched and automatically looked at the small digital clock next to me. The small display showed shortly after 3. At this time there really must have been a nuclear war outside or the zombie apocalypse must have broken out, otherwise I couldn’t explain the heavy steps and heavy breathing, which echoed through the shop. I could hardly see anybody from my position. This was also due to the fact that the heated counter blocked my view of most of the shop. The unknown person seemed to have stopped because the steps had ceased. But now the whirring of one of the refrigerated counters became louder, a sure indicator that he had opened one of the doors. Slowly the situation scared me a little and I hoped that I would not be asked for the entire contents of the cash register in a few seconds. But wasn't there a first time for everything? A very loud >>Fuck! << let me flinch again, the fridge door being slammed in annoyance. Cautiously I got up and peered as well as I could over the shelves, while from the back of the shop an indefinable long strand of curses came floating towards me. So if one really intended to rob me now, whoever it was, was on the completely wrong side of the shop, since all you could find back there was milk in every variation. On the other hand though, if he really intended to steal milk I would definitely worry about the average salary of our society, because milk was really not expensive.

I timidly took a step out of my cover and continued to spy across the shelves. Apart from a black mop of hair I couldn't see anything. Gathering all my courage, I spoke up, not leaving the protection of my counter. >>Can I help you in any way? << Surprisingly, my voice trembled less than I expected. Quite contrary to my hands which were shaking uncontrollably. The black head shot up jerkily and looked over the shelves at me. I resisted my initial instinct to jump behind the counter again to hide and took a step forward to make myself more visible. >>Y/n? << It suddenly came quite confused from the unknown gentleman. My heart was racing now. Although I knew the voice, I couldn’t immediately identify it because of my nervousness. My instinct took over when the stranger came out behind the shelves and let me take another step back behind the desk.

A wave of relief washed over me when I saw who had stormed into the store. >>Jungkook? << I asked just as confused as he was while leaning against the shelf behind me, completely ignoring that I had just successfully knocked over everything on it and exhaled deeply. >>My God you scared me. Can’t you come into a shop like a normal person? << I grumbled at my neighbour and raked my hand through my hair. However, it didn’t seem to interest the black haired guy in any way that he had just almost given me a heart attack, because he came running towards the counter with quick steps and almost threw himself over it to reach for my wrists. A little surprised by the sudden contact I stiffened briefly, but he didn’t even seem to notice that. >>Y/n...I have a problem. A very big problem even. << Almost automatically my eyes wandered to his crotch. So either his problem wasn’t as big as he said or his sweatpants did an extremely good job of hiding it. I felt the heat rising into my cheeks as he put his hand on my cheek and gently stroked it. >>It’s really important that you help me with this, ok? << he spoke now as his eyes wandered over my face. However, his tone of voice irritated me a little. If he really wanted me to suck his dick, he should stop beating around the bush about it.

A snap in front of my face brought me back to reality. I felt my face take on the colour of an overripe tomato. >>I have no time for your thirsty ass because my ass is thirty too. << he exclaimed not making the situation any clearer for my brain. >>For Banana milk! <<< he groaned at me, this time visibly tense. Either he could read my mind or I had just undressed him with my eyes. Since I strongly doubted the former, I had to be satisfied with the latter. Much to my embarrassment. At that moment I wished for nothing more than the ground to open up and devour me. I would even prefer the zombie apocalypse. I would even voluntarily throw myself into Zombietrumps arms and present myself as a willing victim to get out of this embarrassment. A little confused, I blinked at him, while Jungkook moved from one leg to the other. >>Do you still have any in stock or not? << he asked with a little more emphasis and nodded his head towards the fridges. >>What do we still have in stock? << I asked more confused than before and looked at him like a deer in the headlight. >>Banana milk! << he almost yelled now, leaning over the counter even further, if at all possible. In the meantime he had placed his hands on the counter top to support himself a little further while his face was hovering a few centimeters in front of mine, his eyes looking at me insistently.>>Please Y/n...<< his voice was now nothing more than a pleading whisper. With big eyes he looked at me. Under normal circumstances, I would now ask the customer to keep a little more distance, but under my neighbour’s intense stare I couldn’t get a single useful word out. For a few seconds we just stared at each other, while I, for my part, tried to reconnect my tongue to my brain, and him obviously waiting for an answer. Just as I was about to open my mouth again to tell him that if there wasn’t any left the fridge I would have to look in the stockroom, since my brain was thank god already that far, the bell above the shop door distracted me again. Jungkook didn’t move an inch when I tried to look past his extremely muscular, broad form. >>Y/n? << a voice I knew all too well called out. >>Are you there? << I looked back at the black haired one in front of me, who still stared me down with an unaltered forceful gaze. Steps echoed through the store and approached the counter. >>Jimin? << I asked mentally thanking my brain for re- establishing the connection to my vocal chords in time. I was given a relieved breath as an answer. When he finally appeared in my field of vision he stopped abruptly. >>Do you know him Y/n? Is he bothering you? << my fellow student asked anxiously and came a little closer. Typically Jimin.

I had met him during one of my lectures. At that time we had sat next to each other for almost half a year, but none of us had made any attempts to start a conversation. Until the day I had fallen asleep on the table completely knocked out. The two nights before that had been spent with studying only so I had been running exclusively on coffee. Apparently I had complained in my sleep about the curriculum. Jimin, the angel he was, had fortunately woken me up before more people around us could hear my ramblings.

How it became us suddenly going out for a coffee every day after university and then spending the afternoons or evenings together, I hadn't quite figured out yet. Regardless, because I liked him I didn’t worry too much about the how. At some point he had started to visit me at night on my shifts, after he had found out about my job. Most of the times he payed me a visit we used the time to learn together or just to talk a little.

I just pieced together an answer as Jungkook cut me off this time. He whirled around and looked at the blonde. >>No Hyung! Nothing is ok! I have a serious problem! For days I haven't been doing anything else than learning and now the worst of all emergencies has happened: << he took a short break and inhaled deeply. >>I don’t have Banana milk anymore! How am I supposed to study now? << Now I was completely confused >>Wait...you know each other? << I asked no one in particular. Jimin nodded before he looked at Jungkook urgently. >>When was the last time you slept? << he asked, honest worry etched into his features. Jungkook looked at him as if the older one had just suggested a Threesome on the counter. I wouldn’t say no to that, since both men looked extremely good even though it would take a little bit of convincing. >>Is it important when I slept the last time? << he avoided the question. >>I currently have a much bigger problem. I. Don’t. Have. Any. Banana. Milk. Left. << he said and spoke each word accentuated slowly.

Jungkook turned back to me. By now he was looking like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Jimin’s face, on the other hand, showed a mixture of deep concern and pure amusement. At least he looked exactly like I felt inside. >>I’d have to go to the storeroom to see if we still have any left. << I finally said what I had been trying to say for a good few minutes now. >>Were there no more on the back shelf? << I asked the standard question. Although I was very aware of the fact that he probably wouldn’t be standing here in front of me, begging to get the milk if it was still on the shelf, it was just a habitual question. Now Jungkook looked at me as if I had just told him that I liked Jimin’s unspoken orgy idea.

Looking for help he turned to Jimin who was too busy trying not to laugh. >>Don’t you think I would have disappeared into my study hell long ago if I had found some in that damn refrigerated shelf? << he groaned quite desperately. I bit my lower lip to stifle a smile and shook my head. >>Y/n...please...it’s really important. Otherwise I can’t continue studying and if I don’t study then I fail and if I fail my parents are incredibly disappointed in me because they would have expected something better and if my parents are disappointed in me I don’t know what to do anymore and... << His flood of words was interrupted by Jimin looking at him with his eyebrow raised. >>Now take it down a notch, Kook. You act as if the whole world is going down because of your banana milk. << He only got a sulking Jungkook as an answer. I just nodded silently and quickly disappeared to the back of the store.

In the storeroom I shook my head laughing. He probably just exaggerated the situation. It was a bit amusing what some finals could make out of us poor students.

I quickly managed to find what I was looking for, finishing the trip to the storage room. With the desired milk on my arm I went back to the sales room. Jungkook was running restlessly up and down in the counter area, while Jimin sat relaxed on the counter top typing on his mobile phone. I decided to let my stressed neighbour fidget a little longer and hid behind one of the shelves. A few seconds passed in which Jungkook continued to run up and down until Jimin was fed up with it. >>You look like you’re about to have a complete breakdown and your last resort is this stupid banana milk. << he deadpanned and looked at the black-haired guy over his phone. Jungkook glared at the blonde. >>That’s easy for you to say. I know you’ve already finished your finals. But maybe I should ask Y/n what you look like when you’re close to  them. << he snapped at the older one and I bit my lower lip to avoid giggling. Jungkook wasn't completely wrong. Jimin could look a lot worse when we were close to the finals. To be honest, I’ve never seen a person who could be so stressed over a test like Jimin was. Well, except Jungkook. >>Where do you know each other from? << Jungkook asked changing the subject. He dropped himself cross-legged to the ground. Apparently he had given up trying to demolish the floor. Jimin shrugged. >>She sits next to me in my main lectures. At some point she fell asleep on the table and complained very energetically about the subject matter. I finally woke her up before the whole course heard her tirade of abuse. << Jungkook chuckled quietly. >>And you? << Jimin asked him the counter question. Jungkook leaned back, supporting his weight on his hands. I was able to see his biceps flexing under the short sleeves of his shirt. >>She is my neighbour. << he answered briefly. The only thing that made it clear that the young man was still under tension was his restlessly wobbly leg and his eyes that were continuously darting in the direction I had disappeared before. >>How long does it take her to find this damn milk? << he grumbled, now and stretched out a little hoping to get a better look through the open storage room door. Again Jimin shrugged. >>When was the last time you had sex? << The blonde suddenly asked bluntly. Jungkook looked at him completely stunned and also caught me off guard with the question. Jimin meant his question completely seriously, since no mockery could be found in his voice. Almost synchronously both Jungkook and I raised an eyebrow. >>Honestly, sex is my least concern at the moment. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’ll write my finals next week, haven’t slept for 3 days and live on banana milk and coffee. << Now Jimin also raised an eyebrow. >>As long as you don’t pour the milk into the coffee. << My neighbour remained suspiciously silent for a few seconds. >>Why do you even ask that so bluntly? << he asked after a few seconds and looked critically at Jimin, who only gave a slight chuckle. >>Forgot that I'm a med student? Sex helps to reduce stress and helps to relax. You need both badly. You could also masturbate, because what counts in the end is the orgasm. << The blonde took a dramatic break. Jungkook looked at him a little disparagingly. I, on the other hand, couldn’t resist a grin. It was so incredibly typical for Jimin to come up with ideas like that, even if he was not wrong this time. The endorphins the body released during orgasm really helped with stress relief and relaxation. Jimin continued carefree despite my neighbour being visibly unhappy about the topic. >>But it’s more fun with two people. << he finished and wiggled his eyebrows, a shit-eating grin on his face. My neighbour snorted unamused before reaching into the shelf behind him and threw the first thing he could reach for at Jimin, in this case a chewing gum container. The blonde man caught it with playful ease.

>>I would prefer it if the goods would not get wings. << I finally revealed myself, while it cost me some serious self-control not to laugh out loud. The incredibly annoyed expression on my neighbour���s face turned into a wide beam when he saw the boxes in my arms. >>Before anything breaks here. << I finished my statement and put the boxes on the counter next to Jimin. >>Is that enough? << I turned back to Jungkook who jumped up nodding gleefully. >>You are the best Y/n! << he exclaimed cheerfully and embraced me impetuously. Since I hadn’t expected it, I stiffened reflexively briefly, which he didn’t seem to notice in his euphoria. I couldn’t resist a smile as I wrapped my arms around his narrow waist to return the hug. However, he seemed to see it as a kind of invitation to wrap his arms a little tighter around my form, which only elicited a suffocated sound from me. Classic case of underestimating one’s own strength. A squeak escaped my throat as he suddenly lifted me up just to hug me tighter. A quiet giggle echoed from the counter, which could also have come from me, if my neighbour wasn’t busy squeezing any air left out of my lungs. I had never experienced so much enthusiasm about a few bottles of banana milk.

Instead of just putting me back on the ground, he still kept me firmly pressed against his body. Meanwhile I had put my hands on his upper arms to stabilize myself a little. I could feel his muscles tense under the fabric of his T-shirt. It had not remained hidden to me that the young man was 80% pure muscle, since I had met him too often in the morning, when he was on his way to the gym and I was on the way to my flat. Besides, I really wasn’t blind. Although, feeling the muscles under my fingers was certainly not an unwelcomed experience. >>Thank you! Thank you Y/n. You're saving my finals. << he said. If we were now in one of these cheesy romances he would kiss me now. Also something I wouldn’t complain about. But we weren’t. I became painfully aware of this when he put me back on the floor and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. A little disappointed inside, I went back behind the counter and pushed Jimin, who sulked at me, down without further ado. >>This isn’t a seat you dingus. << I said drily and let the black haired man pay for his banana milk.

Suddenly a strange silence laid over us. We looked at each other a little awkwardly while Jungkook grabbed his boxes. >>I’ll go then...<< he mumbled into the silence and nodded giving us a friendly smile before he left. >>Don’t forget what I told you earlier. << Jimin called after him causing the younger one to turn around. The blonde pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek and made the corresponding hand movement. Jungkook shook his head snorting before he disappeared through the door with a loving >>Fuck you Park! << . Bewildered I looked at my friend and hit him on the arm. >>Not everyone is such a fucking nymphomaniac like you! << I exclaimed outraged and made Jimin burst out laughing. Rolling his eyes, I brought the chewing gum container back to its place, while in the meantime, still giggling quietly, he was roaming through the shop and grabbing some snacks from the shelves. >>I just desperately hope he doesn’t really pour the milk into his coffee. << he said when he came back to me. I shrugged and scanned the things he had put on the counter. >>I don’t think we’ll ever know. << Jimin laughed quietly as I pushed the card reader over to him. >>But during the finals your brain is totally strained, so I wouldn’t be surprised. I don’t have to remind you what you do when you’re stressed, do I? << I teased him a little. The blonde just grumbled as he took the bags. >>See you tomorrow? << he asked before turning to leave. I nodded approvingly. He said goodbye and with that I was alone again. Grinning I looked at the clock. Shortly before 4. I sighed quietly and let myself fall again on my stool behind the heated counter. At least I could still use the last hours for studying.

[womanlalaboy]

Lublob #4: Elyu Then and Now

If you knew me from 5-10 years back, you'd know how much I dreaded the process of traveling. I hated the hustle, the waiting, the walking, the inconvenience of not being in your home, and the anxiety of having to talk to strangers. I was pretty boring. But everything changed when I’ve decided to go out for once.

4 years ago, there was a film camp my friends and I were dying to attend. For one, it's free. Two, it featured my favorite filmmakers. Three, it was gonna be held at La Union; and four, I was ready to take risks. 

Hours after my college graduation, I traveled to Manila and boarded a bus bound for Laoag and dropped off at Urbiztondo, San Juan, La Union. It was my first trip with no adult supervision. but I wasn't scared at all despite my mom nagging me about accidents that take place in post-graduation trips. Because I have my friends with me at the time and the event place was just a few minutes away from where we checked in, I felt limitless. I felt like I could do everything. I marked that moment as the beginning of my adulthood journey.

We stayed at the Circle Hostel and I'm glad that we did. Staying there is kind of guilt-free- it's not luxurious (which you wouldn't need when you want to really explore a place), it's supporting the zero-waste advocacy, it's humble, it's cozy, it encourages people to get together, and it attracts interesting people. Though we slept on hammocks, we had a very comfortable stay. They're not as strict as other hostels or inns. We arrived around 1AM and we had nowhere else to go. We were expecting them to kick us out, but we were welcomed by a staff who told us that we can stay in their common area. They were also kind enough to let us use their electricity while we haven't checked in yet.

There were a lot of changes since my first stay there at the Circle Hostel. They have removed the pulley they used to serve food, drinks, and even laundry at times from the counter to the common area. They've removed the space where you can sit and lie down that surrounds the whole common area (which we used as our office tables while we edit our videos) as well as the bean bags. We eventually discovered them on the makeshift lying space near the newly built kitchen. They've made new restrooms and places to hang your wet clothes with. The paintings have changed, which should have been expected. Graffiti is ephemeral after all. I was just a little sad to not see our favorite graffiti there which deeply resonated with us. It was a quote painted in yellow on the locker area. It was the biggest painting there, the boldest, and the brightest. We even filmed a scene there of a woman in the middle of contemplating to kill herself with pills. If it wasn't the one that made us feel fearless being outside our comfort zone. I don't know what else did.

More than the unfamiliar feeling I got when I visited Circle Hostel again, I guess the biggest, “what happened here?” moment was when we went out to see the beach. Hindi mahulugang karayom (way too crowded or in literal translation: even a needle wouldn’t fit) ‘yung lugar. We had to stroll for a few minutes to get to the rocky side of the beach where there were only a few people watching the sunset. 

The road looks like a parking lot now. I guess more people are no longer commuting when they choose to travel to Elyu. They might be bringing stuff they couldn’t transport safely via bus like surf boards or guitars, or maybe the place is just attracting non-commuters, I don’t know. What I do know, though, is we no longer have to worry about where to eat. Every nook of Urbiztondo has a restaurant, food hub, bar, pub, cafe, or a simple food stall. Four years ago, my friends and I would have to walk for minutes just to find one that would spell ‘sulit’ for us. Or maybe I just grew up. Now that I make my own money, what’s sulit for me now may not be as sulit as when I was a student.

I remember Flotsam Jetsam being our go-to place at the time. It had an inviting pathway towards the beach, comfortable bean bags at the beachfront, chic huts, tempting bar, and overall boho feels. I didn’t even dare to see the place again. There were just way too many people, but my friend went and partied with her soju-filled tumbler while I doze off at Circle Hostel. There was actually a drinking game while I was sleeping, a few live gigs at the neighboring inns and hostels, but I was too tired to even bother. La Union Saturday nightlife is so lit and exhausting. I wither even without involving myself to any. But the sea... oh boy, is still as charming as it was 4 years ago. We spent the next few days basking in the sun, swimming, and surfing- washing away the exhaustion and filling ourselves with nothing but good vibes. We talked to people, drank, laughed the days away, and generally just had fun. 

If it weren’t for that trip I had 4 years ago, I don’t think I’d ever change, or grow, even. If I compare my previous self who’s always at the same corner of her room binge-watching series to my current self who does way more than just watching series, I’d say I’ve gotten more comfortable to facing things I’m unfamiliar with. I’ve gotten used to the feeling of discomfort. I’ve learned how to deal with being always anxious and afraid. If it weren’t for that trip I had 4 years ago, I don’t think I’d be this happy to connect with people, with nature, and most especially with myself. If it weren’t for La Union and the Summer Film Camp we forced ourselves into, I wouldn’t appreciate the time passing while waiting for something great. I wouldn’t appreciate the path I have to take to get to a beautiful place.  I wouldn’t appreciate the discoveries I make along the way. I don’t think I’d ever see inconvenience and discomfort as effective mentors to learn how to bend and stretch to be a better person.

Some of us are hardly ever here, and I’m grateful for the experiences I had that lead me to where I am right now- doing the things that fill my heart, and makes me more like me. I’m thankful for the opportunity to not simply breathe, but to truly live.

MORE...

Also see: Elyu Then Also see: Elyu Now

Also read: San Juan Is The One: Womanlalaboy’s Travel Guide to Elyu and more   Also read: Lublob #1: Liwaliw sa Liwliwa Also read: Lublob #2: Touchdown Talisayen

[lavieboheme930]

596- It’s Gonna Be Me

What was the last thing you spoke to your mom about? totall forgot and I just talked to her LOL Do you have any guilty pleasures? If so, what are they? designer purses. What is the next birthday milestone you reach and in how long? 40 in 5 years Out of your last ten songs played on iTunes, which is your favorite? I don’t use iTunes If you could live in any other city or country, where and why? anywhere in Scotland.

Where was the last place you took a train to? home from downtown What was the last movie you saw that you really liked? Hunter Killer What is your favorite sleeping position? What about sitting? On my side When is the last time you felt appreciated for something you did? Last week Do your best friends live near you? yeah Where do you mostly buy new underwear? Target Do you ever call friends just to have a casual conversation with them? No.  We text What do you do when it’s really rainy outside? stay home How often do you clean your room? whenever What was the last conversation you shared with someone about? No idea What color starts with the same letter as your first initial? coral When is the last time you cooked dinner for yourself or someone else? Ha!  I don’t cook What did the last necklace you wore look like? heart that says believe and on a chain If you have siblings, when is the last time you saw them? only child Do you have any stuffed animals saved from when you were a child? No Do you think people are criticizing Obama’s presidency too quickly? They did and all those people were prejudice and that’s the only reason they didn’t like him.  He was a great president and I wish we had him back When is the next time you are traveling outside of the state, province or country? Where to? No idea Do a lot of people live in your city or town? Many it’s NYC When is the last time you crossed a bridge? Which bridge was it? It’s been a long time Do you have any plans for tonight? not now  What are your living arrangements currently? Are you happy with them? with my parents.  And yes

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Were your last three kisses from the same person? I’ve only had 2 kisses and different guys Are you a jealous person? No Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? No Would you consider adoption? Sure

Do you like Redbull? never had it

Would you rather date a person with a British accent or an Irish accent? either or

Do you have a bad habit? Not that I can think of Who is the last person you spent money on? I treated my bestie to coffee What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days? Nothing at the time Have you ever gone a whole day without eating? yes. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? No Ever kissed someone who smokes? yes. What’s something you really want right now? boyfriend Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? no Was New Years enjoyable? It’s always boring What time did you go to sleep last night? 1am Are you starting to realize anything? Yes Do you think you could ever decide a tattoo design, if you chose to get one? No.  I hate tattoos Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? nope. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? No If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick? Hmmm.... :) Are you tanned? No What were you up to at 11PM last night? surveys Do you try to wear dresses whenever you can? Nope Would you ever let a boy put you through hell and back? no.   Do you think the last guy/girl you kissed cares for you? Not really What are you supposed to be doing right now? nothing I bet you’re going to kiss someone tomorrow, right? No Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? Not really Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else? nope. Have you ever been called a bitch? yes. but as a joke Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J, S, Z, N, L? J. Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word? Sometimes. Did you like the person you last kissed when you kissed them? yes. What would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person you kissed? Wouldn’t happen Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? my besties Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip? neither Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Yes....Sal and James giving me and my besties attention during the tv tapings Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18? I’m 35 and no kids Is sex the most important thing in a relationship? No What are you wearing on your feet? nothing. Be honest; first name of the last person to text you? Beth Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone? yes. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you? No Do you have feelings for someone? I guess. Will this Friday be a good one? Maybe When will your next kiss be? No idea Who was the last person in bed with you? No one Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? no. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? We haven’t talked in awhile Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a T? nope. Where is the last person you kissed? No idea How old is the last person you kissed on the lips? 28 Your best friend tells you “you have a drug problem.” You say? They wouldn’t say it Would you date a 13 year old at the age you are now? never. If you saw life in black & white, would that be okay with you? No Do you want your ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? No ex Do you sleep on your stomach? sometimes

[hey-kids-want-some-avengers]

Twelve days of Christmas: day 4. Baby, it’s cold outside.

Baby, it’s cold outside. A/N: this is like fluffy, sorta smutty Christmas crack with a giant bow on top. Sam and Bucky get snowed in during a storm and during their time forced together Sam decides they need to make sure the human race doesn't die out. Yup. _____________________________________________ Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson Warnings: NO MPREG! snow storm, hate/love, dirty talk, general smut-y stuff, fluff, anxious Bucky ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Sam was too drunk to go home last night, simple as that. Steve, Sam and Bucky had stayed in, drinking and talking, a movie in the background for the better part of Christmas. It had been fun, really, and even though Bucky and Sam bickered at every occasion, it had actually been nice. Around 1am or so, Steve had gone home (stupid super serum soldiers and their crazy bodies) and offered Sam a ride, of course, because Steve's a gentleman. Sam denied it though, said he would call a cab later and that he wanted to finish the movie and his beer. Bucky hadn't complained, just threw on some pajamas and sipped a mug of tea because apparently he's an old lady, and sat on the chair opposite of him after showing Steve out. Sam couldn't remember anything past that for the life of him, but waking up on Bucky's couch with a blanket over him and his head pounding loud enough in his ears he feels like he might die is sign enough he didn't make it home. He probably passed out before either of them called a cab. He'd been past a little drunk, but Sam liked drinking, especially over a holiday and with Steve, Bucky too, he guessed. It took the tension out of everything. He heaved himself up after a few more minutes, waiting for the room to stop spinning. "Shit," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The lights were all off, but he could smell coffee from the other room, so he figured Bucky was probably awake. The guy only ever slept like, what, two hours? He stood, his balance thrown a little as it spun, tilting. He’d drunk too much, and he was currently thanking the heavens above for blessing him with a strong stomach and alcohol tolerance. He’d never had a really bad hang over before, honestly. A little nausea, bit of a headache, but not much else. “Hey, Bucky?” He called out awkwardly, his voice sounded gruff. Bucky emerged a few moments later, wearing grey sweats and a red t-shirt, hair pulled back. He raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. “Huh?” He doesn’t look amused, but he looks like it’s normal that Sam passed out in his house. “Sorry, about last night?” He said awkwardly, smoothing a hand over his face. Bucky shrugged and went back to the kitchen, emerging with two mugs of coffee, still steaming. “It’s fine, ya feelin’ okay?” He asked, setting Sam’s mug on the table. “Not bad, been worse,” he said, picking up the mug after he sat back down on the couch. “I’ll get outta your hair soon.” Bucky gives him a look like he just stripped naked in a supermarket, before glancing towards the window. “Yeah, uh, that’s not gonna happen.” Sam looked at him blankly. Seriously, this guy couldn’t ever just explain, he had to be so cryptic. It was infuriating. Bucky leaned back in his stupid old-guy recliner and sipped at his coffee. Of course he drank it black. “We’re snowed in,” he said flatly, peering at him, over his mug. And upon looking out the window, he found he really wasn’t kidding. There was packed down snow as high as the windows, only a tiny gap at the top, exposing wind and of course, more snow. Fuck. “Oh hell no,” Sam said hurriedly, waving a finger at Bucky. “I’ve got shit I gotta get done!” “Like what, sit on your ass?” Bucky grinned. “I’m not you.” Bucky glares accordingly and huffs. “Yeah, whatever, you ain’t gonna be able to make it out any time soon,” he shrugged. “Steve’s held up in a hotel somewhere.” “Awesome,” Sam grumbled. Bucky seemed virtually Unphased. “So we’re gonna be the last sad fuckers on this planet?” Bucky snorts. “Yeah, right,” he says as he kicks his legs up. Wow, who wears sweats that tight anyways? He hates this guy, hates him so much his dick hurts. What. Bucky raises an eyebrow at him. He’s staring, smooth Wilson, smooth. He jerks his eyes to his own coffee abruptly “it’ll probably safe to get home in a day or two?” Bucky says, though he doesn’t sound sure of himself. He has no idea, he’s sure. “Yeah, guess we’ll see,” he says back awkwardly. Bucky shrugs, goes back to sipping at his coffee. The house is a little cold, dim too. There’s no light coming from the windows, after all. But it’s not uncomfortable, and somehow they haven’t lost power, so he’ll take that as a win. Sam sighed, drumming his fingers against his cup. He should probably drink it before it gets cold, but there’s a thick tension in the room he can’t shake off. Bucky’s not even looking at him, but it’s awkward, feels like he’s on the spot light, like maybe Bucky’s doing everything in his power not to look at him. The situation sucks, really. “Hopefully it doesn’t get much worse, we’re running on my backup generator,” he says absently after another agonizing minute of silence. “You have a fucking backup generator in this thing?” Sam asks, eyebrows raised. The house isn’t that big, it’s only got two rooms, a bathroom and small kitchen and living room. He’s not sure where one would even go. “Yes,” he says back, glaring. “Lucky for you.” Sam shrugs, because he’s not wrong, he just can’t figure out why, when and how this thing came to be. Or where for that matter. A few hours pass, Sam’s taken a shower, and yeah, he purposefully uses all the hot water, brushed his teeth with a spare toothbrush Bucky has, and put his clothes back on. He’d finished his second mug of coffee and was settling back into the couch when the lights flickered. Bucky wasn’t even in the room, he’d excused himself around the time Sam went to take a shower so he could clean up and get dressed into something a little less sloppy, not that Sam gave a shit. He gave the light a long hard stare, because there was no way in hell he was gonna freeze to death in the dark, but he stopped and the heater was still thrumming, so he relaxed a little. It wasn’t until Bucky re-emerged in jeans and a hoodie, flopping down unreasonably close to Sam that the lights finally do just go out. The heater stops on queue and it’s silent. “Fucking hell,” Sam mutters and by the look on Bucky’s face, he thinks he’s feeling the same way. “Shit,” he breathes, rolling his eyes. “Well so much for that.” “I’m gonna die, stuck in a shitty little house with you.” “Oh boo hoo, Wilson,” Bucky retorted. “I made you coffee, gave you the couch, let you take a damn shower, I think you’re gonna survive.” Sam huffs. “Not if I have to sit around you much longer.” Bucky rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right.” Sam and Bucky sit next to each other in silence, probably looking like children with their arms folded over their chests, refusing to look at each other. He hates how much he actually can stand Bucky. He drives him crazy, of course, but it’s in a good way, even if he claims it isn’t. He’s thought about Bucky when he was alone on more than one occasion, and he’s never (almost) actually hated their time together. He kind of treasures it in a weird way. He knows Bucky is going to drive him insane, both with annoyance and sexually, but he can’t find it in him to care. “Seriously though, everyone else is gonna die out,” Sam says again, finally. Bucky looks at him, unamused. “Why would we be the only survivors?” “We’ve had heat the longest,” he shrugs. “You’re assuming.” “Pretty damn sure.” “Okay, fine, but we’ll still die eventually.” Sam sighs, exasperated. “That’s why I said we have to,” he pauses, motioning vaguely with his hands. “Repopulate.” Bucky makes a face. “Last I checked we all have dicks here,” Bucky says seriously, and yeah he totally just stared at Sam’s crotch, because of course he did. “When did you check, I must’ve missed that?” “So you don’t have a dick?” Wow, how did they end up here? Sam shakes his head with a low chuckle. “I think we both know the answer is that I very much do, have a dick.” Bucky shrugs. “What?” “Didn’t say anything.” “You’re all—shrugging, you shrugged!” “So?” Bucky looks at him like he’s crazy. “What, you don’t believe me now?” “I never said I didn’t,” Bucky says with a grin. “I swear to God-“ Sam starts, but before he’s finished, they’re kissing. Sam honestly has no idea how it happened. He’s not even entirely sure which one of them made the move, but neither of them seem to really mind either way. It’s surprisingly softer than Sam thought it would be, when he’d actually thought about it, he’d always assumed it would be rushed, kind of hard. Honestly, minus the slight chapped scrape of Bucky’s lips, everything about it is soft and slow, gentle. When they do part, they’re still only inches apart, and Bucky’s looking at him carefully. “Huh,” Bucky says, pulling Sam into his lap with disturbing ease, kissing him again. Of course he doesn’t complain, it’s a fine late Christmas present. He’s kind of been waiting for it. Especially after he discovered that Bucky can’t shop for shit. “What?” Sam asks, a little breathy when Bucky breaks it again. “Nothing, Nothing,” Bucky says, but it’s beyond clear he’s lying. “No, what is it Barnes?” “You’re honestly really easy to work with, are we sure you’re not the one without a dick here?”

[liliiskingcoleisking]

I would agree that betty is definitely getting way too much hate. I mean many of her actions ate questionable... but its riverdale. The writers consistently show the male characters to be better. Also betty is currently dealing with a lot of underlying mental health issues which she is trying to ignore and use harmful means to cope(like jughead with his writers block).

I hate that you said that jughead will probably be the one to solve the case and betty found a lead just because of him. Like yeah he introduced her to the guy on the highway but betty was the one who did the actual investigation in polly’s case while jughead was dealing with aliens. Then they realised its correlated. Also tabitha introduced jughead to the guy so maybe tabitha will be ghe real hero Omg that wld be fun.

Its been seven years since all the drama happened and it WAS shitty but we need to remember that people change a LOT over that time. And I honestly think betty and jughead stayed in touch for a while after that scene.

Jughead has done a lot of questionable stuff too but this show is trash so sfdghfhf.

Anyways i love betty and jughead and will believe that the amazing fanfics out there r canon rather than the shitshow.

It like 1am idk what I typed I haven’t slept in 24 hrs goodnight.

Ha! I feel you, somehow Betty is the one who should be held accountable for her actions, nevermind that she already did say sorry who she should 7 years ago (even if the Varchie fandom wants to forget), and somehow she is the only one who isn’t allowed to feel everthing according to her trauma? While Archie, Veronica and Jughead are allowed?

We all know the fbi thing is stupid and she shouldn’t be an agent to start with, but damn some people are just taking that out of her storyline, when it’s so much more.

you know, for all the takes on betty’s (badly done, 100%) fbi storyline, which was probably only done so they could connect her family to it (charles, etc, since the women on this show must have a man be the driving force of their arcs for some reason) and to create the requisite serial killer vs traumatized betty storyline i’m not seeing a lot of anti-military takes for archie (since everyone is always connecting her fbi thing to the real world issues surrounding it). especially when he’s running the rotc which is honestly just sort of a targeted recruitment at minors but whatever. 

wonder what the difference is there? 

it’s just all cherry picking to make points. i’m not saying i’m not guilty of it, sometimes i focus on one thing more than another but the imbalance overall has been going on since the start for a year in regards to betty’s character vs the others. 

i don’t really judge any of the characters for their indiscretions and bad judgement. i may not like all the characters but to legit sit around and pretend that betty is being weighed and measured equally among the rest of them is laughable at best. 

i feel like betty, at this point, could actually off the serial killer this season in defense of her friends and family and someone would still show up to say that we didn’t have all the facts behind the killer and betty should be the one held accountable for murder, not the tbk, while still giving props to penelope blossom for her body count. 

[ride-run-sleep-repeat]

There are many types of fun and for some reason, I keep having to push the limits of this “fun”.

I was asked to be part of the Mont Adventure Racing team for Wildside Adventure race as unfortunately, Dane had to pull out due to injury so we got bumped into the mixed category.  Now I’d done Wildside back in 2014 at short notice and after vowing to never do one of these types of races again (for at least 5 years), I was now saying yes to my third.

So the fun I was looking for came in a 400km race on bikes, foot, abseiling, kayaks and packrafts to get to the often elusive finish line in as little time as possible. Easy right?

Here’s the course break down:

Leg 1 – 55km Trek Leg 2 – 107km MTB Leg 3 – 50km Trek & Abseil Leg 4 – 45km MTB Leg 5 – 33km Packraft Leg 6 – 10km Trek Leg 7 – 45km MTB Leg 8 – 14 km Paddle Leg 9 – 10km Trek Leg 10 – 26k MTB

Leg 1 was basically the ultra-marathon I hadn’t planned to run in many years. The boys set a cracking pace and I could only put my head down and keep my feet moving. Starting at Lake Eucumbene we made our way along the shoreline for 3/4’s of the trek till we went up over the hills and hit the first TA at the big, beautiful Trout. We were also rewarded with a cold lemonade and iced coffee from the servo.

After building our bikes up and making a quick transition we started on the 107k MTB which took us towards Orroral Valley. This leg was great. Mostly for the fact that I could keep up with the boys and that it was all very rideable. There were some big bloody hills, but nothing too outrageous. Morale was high, we got to the TA in Orroral to pack up bikes and start the 3rd leg which was a 50km trek & abseil.

It’s a weird thing racing on your home turf, good – because you know parts of the course, bad – because you know parts of the course. For example, the first part of the trek went through the AMRA Deep Space Mountain Marathon course (from which the mug I won in the race a few years ago I am currently drinking coffee from) and up to Booroomba Rocks.  There are some big ass hills to get up and down. Once we got to the trailhead for Booroomba though, we knew there was only a short walk up to meet up with the Abseiling crew to get harnessed and ready to go. Not that I was nervous to do the abseil but I was kind of glad we were doing it at night. After a short and sweet abseil, we reached what i’m going to rank as an equal first worst experience of my life, the other being hike a bike up a mountain in China with 1 billion mosquitos trying to bite me.

We’d estimated it would take us 16 hours (which was the long estimate given to us at the start) and it took almost 24. Paul and Tom had planned for us to go a different way to the river but once we got to the bottom of the rocks, decided it was “easier” via the river. We took bush bashing to a whole new level on this leg. I tried to keep up with the boys but would literally get stuck and have to play Marco polo to find them a whole 5 metres away. Expending a lot of energy to go a whopping 1 km/ph is well… there were words said about Richard (the race director) that would make you blush.

Rare image of bush before I put my Gopro away for about 24 hours.

The rock hopping up the river was fun-ish, and there were some really beautiful waterfalls along the way, often accompanied by some really extreme farts thanks to Paul.

After getting out to near Corin road my feet were pretty wet and sore so I asked if we could take 15 min in the sun to dry them out. I think it took about 20 minutes to discuss this possibility, along with our sleep strategy. In the end, much to our time guardian Lee’s displeasure, we took the 15 which would probably prevent problems in the long run. (Or so we convinced ourselves).

  Scott met us for a photo op near Woods reserve which was lucky because not long after I got an epic nosebleed which dripped on Lee’s walking poles (sorry Lee!).

Leg 4 was a ride started at Pierces creek and travelled through all the 4wd tracks in the pine forest. After collecting a CP at the cave, in what turned out to be an excellent navigation move, we decided to ride around to the Deep Space Observatory removing a disgusting part of Bullen Range. After doing a lot of down, up, walk, repeat we got to the descent of the range just as the sun was rising which was pretty speccy.

We arrived at the TA at around 6:30am and after packing the pack horse aka Paul with all the paddles and packrafts, we walked the 12kms from Point Hut crossing to Kambah pools to start on the water. Mel met us a little along the way on her commute to work which was really nice too!d

I always knew there was a nudist beach just down from Kambah pools but only go to experience this first hand literally 20 metres into our raft. It was a sore sight for eyes, I tell you what. After some full frontal nudity, and not because we were changing at a TA, the packraft was really enjoyable. We’d been worried at the start of the race that we might have to do this leg during the night, which meant we were either going to have to sleep before it or risk hypothermia. Somehow the stars aligned and although the river was pretty low, we got through it without a problem during the day.  (Except for flooding our dry bags and giving the people watching at home small heart attacks because our tracker stopped working, sorry!). Also, huge shout out to Kim for the Riverview cafe, those brownies were epic!

Leg 6 was a 10km loop around the Cotter to some really cool lookout spots. We passed Stromlonauts as they were starting and they looked in pretty good spirits (although Tom says Clare’s eyes told another story). Then, because it was too easy, the last CP on the leg was 500 metres up a gully. You know, to keep it real again. We saw a few teams at the TA but don’t ask me what they were doing or where they were going.

With morale high, Leg 7 took us back on the bikes up the road to Stromlo to climb the steep fire road to the top. Having not slept for 48 hours + at this point, I decided to take a nodoz just before the climb. Holy. Moly. My eyeballs returned to their sockets, knees stopped aching and, clicking down into my granniest granny gear, I charged all the way up to the top without getting off. I even managed some primal whoop. I think everyone should get to experience a caffeine high after two days of sleep deprivation. Like, I’m pretty sure you haven’t lived until that moment.

Being locals to the area, the boys put away the maps and from Stromlo we sped on fire trails around the Arboretum and Black Mountain to the peninsula where we started the paddle leg.

Paul says this was the highlight for him because it was so trippy. We started this leg at 1am and there was no wind so the lake looked like glass.  Everything on the bank had a reflection and everything was morphing into weird shapes. We were all feeling pretty tired by now and I couldn’t get my bearings for the life of me. Sleep monsters were everywhere we looked and while we made some good time collecting the first two CP’s after the third around Kingston Foreshore we slowed down considerably. I was having what felt like 5-minute dreams to jolt awake and find I was still paddling. Lee was also having trouble keeping himself awake because when I managed to keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes, I’d have to make sure he steered us clear of the trees and other debris around the edges. We finally made it to the TA and got ourselves a bit warmer around the gas heater.

Leg 8 was basically a huge hike around the Parliamentary Triangle to answer questions about buildings in Canberra. I would have prefered this be done on bike but as Tom pointed out, it was probably safer on foot. After passing the War Memorial, we decided to pop into Campbell shops around 5:30am to see if something was open. Lee knocked on the bakery door because there were lights on. Miraculously, someone came out and opened the door for us, we asked if we could buy something to eat and get coffee, she said she was just a baker and couldn’t make coffee for us but would let us buy food. I  asked if I could make the coffees, as I knew how to use the machine and SHE AGREED. (Although I’m sure if she knew we hadn’t showered in a while it might have been a different story). So I made everyone a coffee, we scoffed some pies outside and marched onto the TA and our FINAL LEG.

Two climbs is what stood between us and the finish. We took the run-up fire trail to the top of Ainslie, which was mostly a hike a bike, then through the saddle to hike a bike up Majura. Close to the top, we came across a supporter’s sign for us, which had been vandalised and defaced by the BMX bandits and their grubby zinc. Soon after we met Ollie about halfway down the descent where he followed us along the wind tunnel of Majura parkway before wishing us well.

We crossed over the finish line after 3.25 days (78 hours) of racing with only 1 and a half hours sleep. To say our sleep strategy was aggressive is probably an understatement but got us through in the end.

On reflection we had a pretty good race partially due to the navigation of the boys being spot on, thanks to Richard Old and his crew for putting on a well organised expedition race in Canberra. We loved the course (even the hard parts) and really enjoyed racing around home.

    Wildside Adventure Race 2017 There are many types of fun and for some reason, I keep having to push the limits of this "fun".

[agirlwhothinks]

School

You know what’s really bullshit? SCHOOL. In theory that’s where we were supposed to learn to become better people, but what really happens is stress. I just entered High School ( like a month ago) and it’s ridiculous- I already had a ton of tests and homework, which means I’m going to bed 1am every day and only get to sleep 5 hours or less. We spend 6 hours ( which is more than what we sleep) listening to stuff we can’t even learn because we’re too tired to do so. Also I have classes two days a week in the afternoon, which means we can only start Homework late at night. Also they say we have to do stuff we like, which is pure hypocrisy because the don’t give us the time to do so. In the last four days I slept only 13 hours, because I stayed up until 3 fucking am to study and in the end didn’t do well cause I was too tired to pay atention. They say it’s part of the process of growing up, but I’m sure every teacher and staff from the school sleep more than we do. This is all happening in the first month of High School, so I assume it won’t get any better. It’s currently 1 am, and I still haven’t finished hw, and The truth is I’m almost crying. Im so tired, but I’ll only get to sleep 5 hours today because I have to wake up tomorrow to finish hw.

Tomorrow I’ll have to put a smile on my face and go to school like I’m ok, when in reality I just want to scream and run away

My whole future depends on the next few years, years like this that will get worse and harder every day. Failure is not an option, they make us choose between our health and our future lives and that’s just horrible

[det-vackraste]

99 questions I stole somewhere so I could answer them

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? I enjoy having them neatly closed, but I always hang clothes and stuff over them, so they end up being open 2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Sometimes. If they've felt nice when I've used them. 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked in. 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, but my dad stole one with a wild boar on it 5: Do you like to use post-it notes?<br> I do, never actually do it though.<br> 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yeah.. 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Swarm of bees? 8: Do you have freckles? I do, but they're mostly visible after I've gotten some sun on my face. 9: Do you always smile for pictures? Very often, but I also do this very stupid thing where I sort of scrunch up my nose and mouth when people take my picture. Don't know why.. 10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Cliché, but chewing with an open mouth. 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not that I can think of, but I'm easily influenced, so I might start unwillingly now. Thanks. 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Lol yeah 13: What about pooped in the woods? Lol yeah 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yeah. 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? No, but I bite my nails when I'm restless 16: How many people have you slept with this week? One 17: What size is your bed? Queen size (?), 160cm 18: What is your Song of the week? Only Angel, by Harry Styles 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes. YES. 20: Do you still watch cartoons? Don't really watch tv, so it doesn't happen that often, but when I do I enjoy it. 21: Whats your least favorite movie? I am legend. Fuck that movie. You all know what I mean. 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Somewhere too obvious for people to bother looking there. 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? Oh, let's see if I can get this right in some sort of international size.. 34DD (75E in Swedish sizes) 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I don't eat chicken nuggets, but I would dip them in ketchup. 25: What is your favorite food? Tacos. End of story. 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Spirit, Hercules.. probably more. I'm very easily entertained by movies. 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My boyfriend. 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope. 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Don't like being public, so I wouldn't wanna be in a magazine. I could probably strip in a small club or at a party though. Wouldn't mind that too much. Could be fun. 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Wow... eeh.... like 7 years ago when I wrote a letter to future me. 31: Can you change the oil on a car? In theory yes. Never actually done it though. 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nein. I'm lame in traffic. 33: Ever ran out of gas? No, close though. 34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Tomato, Swedish präst cheese, some salt and pepper on a nice sourdough bread. 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? I really enjoy oatmeal with fresh blueberries and raspberries, and some cinnamon. 36: What is your usual bedtime? Depends on if I have work the day after. If I do, I try to be asleep by like 11pm. If I don't, I usually go to sleep at like 1am or something like that. 37: Are you lazy? Yeah.. 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Didn't really dress up that much for halloween. Live in a tiny village, so there weren't really that many opportunities. 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Rat I think..? 40: Are you horny? Man, most of the time yeah. 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No I don't, had one when I was like ten. 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos of course. What even are Lincoln logs? 43: Are you stubborn? I can be... but like in a low-key way. 44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Those names don't ring a bell, really... so I don't know 45: Ever watch soap operas? Not my thing really. 46: Are you afraid of heights? If I'm standing on a high edge, I am, but not otherwise. 47: Do you sing in the car? Lol yeah... too much and too loud. I think people on the streets can hear me go. 48: Do you sing in the shower? No, for some reason I don't really do that? 49: Do you dance in the car? Yeah 50: Ever used a gun? I've used an air rifle, but that's about it. Doesn't really count maybe? 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Uhhh...? Like... three and a half years ago for picture day? 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yeah. They are. Love them though. 53: Is Christmas stressful? Can be. Especially when I've postponed Christmas gift shopping. 54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yeah man, made 'em myself many times. 55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Blueberry or rhubarb 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Okey. So... I wanted to be a ballerina that danced around in a flower shop. No lie. 57: Do you believe in ghosts? Don't know if I believe in ghosts, per se, but I think it seems fishy that death is just nothing? You know? 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Too many times, man. 59: Take a vitamin daily? I try to take vitamin D sort of daily in the winter, to sort of compensate for the lack of sun we have here in the north during winter. 60: Wear slippers? When I'm somewhere sunny on vacation. 61: Wear a bath robe? When I borrow my boyfriend's to run to the bathroom at night. 62: What do you wear to bed? Nothing. Everyone should. 63: First concert? I think it was Amy Diamond, this really young, Swedish sweetheart that was popular like 12 years ago in Sweden. Saw her when I was like eight. Good one. Besides that, my first real concert was the ark I think.. Great Swedish band! 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Don't have any of those in Sweden, and can't remember if I've been to any of them when I've travelled, so.... none? 65: Nike or Adidas? Nike? 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos? Maybe? Never had 'em though. 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? I like sunflower seeds, man. 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nah. 69: Ever take dance lessons? Yeah I did. A took various kinds of dance classes for like six years. Classic ballet, street, jazz, musical.. really fun! 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Oh wow... man I don't even know what I picture myself doing. As long as they're happy with what they're doing, I don't care all that much. 71: Can you curl your tongue? Yeaaa 72: Ever won a spelling bee? Never been in one 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I cry quite easily, so yeah. 74: Own any record albums? I do, very many. Enjoy the feeling of actually having the album. 75: Own a record player? Not anymore :/ 76: Regularly burn incense? I used to, but then I got lazy. 77: Ever been in love? Am in love now. 78: Who would you like to see in concert? Would be cool to see Bastille or arctic monkeys, cause I haven't seen them. Other than that I've seen most of the ones I want to see live. 79: What was the last concert you saw? Uhh... I saw Hozier last February. But other than that the last concert I saw was probably with my friend's band, Royal Prospect. Check them out, they're great and also up and coming! 80: Hot tea or cold tea? Hot. But also cold. Both. 81: Tea or coffee? Tea. 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? What in the hell is snickerdoodles? 83: Can you swim well? I can, yes. 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes. Is that a thing? 85: Are you patient? I can be very patient, but also childishly impatient. 86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Band. Jazzy ish. 87: Ever won a contest? Won a quiz at school once. Won chocolate. Good one. 88: Ever have plastic surgery? Nope. 89: Which are better black or green olives? Black. 90: Can you knit or crochet? I actually knit half a beanie in school like five or six years ago, but I barely knew what I was doing then, and definitely don't now. 91: Best room for a fireplace? In the bedroom, by the bed. But not too close. Be safe, kids. 92: Do you want to get married? Yes, I'd like that. 93: If married, how long have you been married? Am not married. In a 3+ years relationship though. 94: Who was your HS crush? My current boyfriend. 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Not really.. 96: Do you have kids? Nope. 97: Do you want kids? Yes I do. 98: Whats your favorite color? Deep, Slytherin green, sunset ish orange, or any shade of grey. 99: Do you miss anyone right now? My friend, who's been backpacking for like four months now, and is home in June or July. Also my other friend, who lives in Scotland, but moves home soooooon. Also my boyfriend, whom I met two days ago. I'm lame.