#it’s bad enough we’re being bombarded with it everywhere else

[obsidianvibranium]

Please, for the love of all that is good, TAG YOUR FUCKING POSTS!!! If I see one more fucking post on us politics, I’m going to start @ing people and sending hate mail.

I have blocked every tag I can think of connected to politics and I am still getting this shit on my dash. Some of us come onto this hellsite (affectionate) to avoid the hellscape (extremely derogatory), not to continue to trudge through it.

So I am asking politely just this once: PLEASE TAG YOUR POSTS.

[greaterawarness]

Arc Training Program Ch. 3 (Getting to Know the Cadets Part One)

(Alpha decides to get to know his cadets a little more and in doing so comes to a realization. This is going to be done in parts because it would be a really long chapter if not. Also because if I don't do it in parts it would probably be a few weeks before posting again.)

Alpha isn’t sure if what’s he’s done is a good or bad thing. Ever since pairing them into groups of two they don’t seem to be splitting up. On one hand it’s making CC-2224 and CT-7567 become one hell of team. And CC-3636 and CC-1004 are dominating in the classroom. On the other hand, CC-1010 and CC-4477 seem to be feeding into each other’s bad habits. CC-1010 likes to outdo the others and CC-4477 is happy to help in any way possible. Then there’s CC-8826 and CC-1138. They… well they just encourage each other’s reckless behavior. And despite the success of completing a practice battle in pairs they still seem to fail as a group. Alpha leans on his table sipping his drink while watching a video of their last group failure. An image of 8826 flashes across the holovid crashing into 3636 causing his blaster to fire at 7567. He rubs his face with a groan.

“You seem troubled.” A voice pulls his attention to his door. Shaak Ti stands looking slightly amused. He gestures for her to sit across from him. “I take it things are not going as planned?”

“No. No they are not.” He agrees plainly. She lifts a hand to her chin while playing the scene over.

“They seem to not trust one another.” She says watching the holovid.

“What gave you that idea?” Alpha snorts. She eyes him before leaning back in her chair. This might be the most relaxed he’s ever seen her. They sit in silence watching the failed battle. When Alpha reaches for his drink, it slides across the table to Shaak Ti. He arches a brow at her when she lifts it up to her mouth. Except instead of drinking, she sniffs it. She gives him a look.

“It’s nine in the morning, Alpha.” She says sliding the drink back to him. He gives a half grin.

“Not to early if you’ve been up all night.” He lifts the cup to his lips and takes another drink. Shaak places her hands on the table with a sigh.

“I propose you take the day off from training.” She says making him stiffen.

“A day off for me is a day off for them. And they aren’t getting any down time until I see some real progress.” Alpha crosses his arms.

“They have progressed, have they not? They may still lack the trust and coordination to complete a full battle scenario, but they are advancing in other areas. They all exceed in the classroom and have remarkable marksmanship. Each has their own talents and interests. Even among the Jedi each Master is very different. Take a step back and see what makes these cadets unique and perhaps you’ll see how to get them to work together as a whole.” She says giving him a smile. He lets out a sigh through his nose thinking it over.

“Fine,” He concedes. “I’ll try it your way.”

She gives a pleased nod before they both stand. She leaves him to go find the cadets. They were finishing up cleaning the barracks when he walks into the room. When they see him, they rush over to stand at attention.

“Alright,” he says crossing his arms. “Today we’re going to have a down day. That means no regular training. This time is for you. This is not a time to nap or be lazy. Work on what you want but you have to be doing something productive. But don’t forget I have eyes everywhere so think twice before getting into trouble!”

Their faces stay neutral. When he dismisses them, they seem not too sure of what they should do. Alpha leaves before he gets bombarded with questions or before one of them starts another fight. He makes it back to his room and turns off the lights. He never said hecouldn’t nap. He has been going nonstop trying to make sure he doesn’t fail at teaching these cadets. It’s been wearing him out just as much as it’s been wearing them out. He falls into his bed and stares at the wall across from him. It doesn’t take long before he dozes off.

After waking from a cluster of mini nightmares of failing the cadets and then an ambush on a moon above Naboo, he’s not sure if the nap helped or only made him more tired. He tosses his legs off the side of the bed as he sits up. He stretches out his arms with a yawn slowly bringing himself to consciousness. After a moment he finally remembers that he set the cadets loose in Tipoca city. He finds himself running out of his room. His eyes search everywhere for signs of chaos. When he runs into the barracks, he’s surprised to see everything still standing. His chest heaves with every breath. When he hears footsteps behind him, he whips around startling 99.

“99,” he breathes while pinching the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Sorry about that, Alpha.” He says while shuffling inside with training blasters in his arms.

“You haven’t seen my cadets, have you?” Alpha asks cautiously. 99 gives a chuckle as he stops.

“They haven’t burned anything down if that’s what you’re afraid of.” He smiles but it was comforting all the same. 99 keeps walking. “Some are training in separate rooms while I saw two in the library.”

“Thanks, 99.” Alpha says before walking quickly out the door. He knows that if they did anything to terrible the Kaminoans would have alerted him by now. Still, it made him uneasy to have eight cadets under his care running around with no supervision. He begins checking training rooms. Most were occupied by batches and their bounty hunter teachers. When he finally finds the first cadet it’s CC-2224. He’s commandeered a small training room used for hand to hand combat lessons. Alpha stays silent while walking across the upper platform so not to disturb the boy.

2224 practices some moves with a dummy. Alpha tilts his head studying the boy’s form. He’s good compared to an average cadet but Jango would call it nothing but sloppy. He quietly walks over to the room log to see how long he’s been at it. Alpha was out for a good hour, and it seems 2224 has been here the whole time.

“Want me to give you some pointers?” Alpha says breaking the silence. 2224 doesn’t startle at the sudden sound of his voice. Alpha hops the railing and lands on the mat. He pulls off his boots and upper armor before standing in front of 2224.

“Yes sir, thank you, sir.” He says through pants. He wipes some sweat with the back of his hand while stepping back. Alpha stands in front of the training dummy.

“Your trainer before taught you well enough but you could be better,” Alpha starts mimicking what the boy was doing before landing a blow that Jango taught him. 2224 stares slightly wide eyed. “Here, let me show you.”

Alpha moves so 2224 can take his place. They spend the next thirty minutes going over some new moves. Alpha was impressed. The boy is determined and has the discipline to keep at it.

“What is it about hand to hand combat that you like?” Alpha asks after a time. He thinks back to the first time he saw 2224 in a battle simulation with his old batch. He shakes his head remembering the boy landing a solid punch to a metal droid. 2224 looks taken off but doesn’t stop practicing.

“Well,” He says before landing a hit. “When we were doing one of our first practice battles my training blaster was defective. I just remember being helpless while my batch fought with all they had. I thought I was useless. After the battle my trainer pulled me aside and scolded me for doing nothing. And then I saw another batch learning hand to hand combat so I asked my trainer if I could learn it. He said yes and… well I decided even without a blaster I wouldn’t be helpless. I can still fight no matter what.”

2224 steps back to meet Alpha’s eyes. Alpha could feel the smile forming on his lips.

“Well, lets make sure that never happens.” He says. the boy wears his own smile before they return to their lesson.

After another thirty minutes Alpha leaves him to practice the new moves he’s taught him. 2224 had mentioned 7567 training in a room a couple doors down. He makes sure to go straight to the upper walkway to watch the boy from above. He finds 7567 staring at a table covered in different kinds of blasters. Alpha leans on the railing studying the boy. He finally reaches for one of the largest ones there. He slings it off the table and shuffles towards the targets. He grits his teeth before firing.

Alpha arches a brow. From the small time he’s known the boy he could already tell where this was going. Not long after firing the boy tries to turn to hit some targets on the side but the boy is cursed with clumsiness and looses his footing. Alpha doesn’t flinch when 7567 falls causing stray shots to fire beside him. he lets out a sigh with the shake of his head before hoping the railings.

“That blasters not a good fit.” He says crossing his arms and looking down at the boy. The cadet rubs his head and frowns. He doesn’t say anything as he gets to his feet. Alpha walks over to the table and picks up two DC-17 blaster pistols. “Try these instead.”

7567 stares at them still wearing his frown.

“But they’re so small.” He says still holding the heavy gun in his hands.

“Yeah? So, what. Getting shot with a bigger blaster doesn’t make you more dead then if you were shot with a smaller one.” Alpha says still holding them out. The kid reluctantly sets the heavy blaster down and takes the smaller pistols. “You have a problem with keeping up with your surroundings. I’ve never seen anyone run into as many things as you or trip over flat surfaces.” 7567 stares at the blasters with his ears turning red.

“I’ll try harder.” He says softly. Alpha reaches up to rub the back of his neck. If Jango were still around he would have kicked this cadet out by now. But Alpha’s gut was telling him something else.

“Look,” He says after a moment. “Being clumsy isn’t a crime. Even I’ve tripped and walked into things before.”

“Really?” 7567 looks up with a grin.

“Focus,” Alpha says with the shake of his head. “You just have to learn how to be more observant. These can help. With that heavy blaster you don’t have to worry much about aim because it’s rapid fire and you can hit a lot of targets at once. But these smaller ones will force you to get better at your aim and be more aware of your surroundings. I’ve seen you in battle and I know you have great accuracy. But these you’ll find to be a bigger challenge than a DC-15S. Not only that but you’ll be firing two of them.”

7567 stares down at the pistols in his hands. He finally gives a nod and turns to take aim at the targets. He barely hits the target with his right hand and completely misses with the left. His shoulders drop in disappointment.

“See? I’m no good with these!” He says turning towards Alpha. Alpha places a hand on his shoulder surprising both of them.

“Keep at it. Even Jango had to practice to be as good as he was.” Alpha reassures him. the boy nods and keeps at it. Alpha spends some time working on form and giving pointers. Eventually he leaves him to practice on his own. 7567 is extremely talented but he needs to learn patience. Alpha’s mind wonders to a padawan that 7567 almost reminds him of. He was a good kid and so is 7567.. He starts comparing Jango to the Jedi Master Obi Wan Kenobi. They were polar opposites when it came to training. Alpha stops walking to stand in the middle of the hallway as a realization falls over him. He doesn’t want to be like Jango. He wants to work with these kids and make them better. He wouldn’t just throw them away because they’re different or difficult. They are worth the effort. Flaws and all.

Read full story HERE on AO3

[unwishablestars]

amongst the waiting stars

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x f!reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 3.8k

Tags: Mutual Pining, SFW, Drunk Confessions, i tried my best

TWs: Mentions of alcohol intake

Summary: When Levi’s visits get more and more frequent how long until he’d have to admit he didn’t come for the coffee

A/N: this is the first fic I actually finished/properly wrote and I actually dont hate it, hopefully y’all don’t too :)

Wiping off the spilled coffee, restocking the pastries and cakes, it was a calm day for you and your co-workers. You felt a cool autumn breeze enter the room as you hear the door open and were greeted with a rather short man with a bored expression.

"Hello! Welcome to xxx, how may I help you?"

Greeting back with a simple hello, he proceeds to scan the pastries inside the case before he walks up to the counter to order tea and brownies.

With that slight intimidating atmosphere you found around him you didn't expect him to have such a sweet and simple order, emphasis on sweet, he didn't seem the type to order something as sweet as a brownie. Though, that being said, he did order a tea that was rather bitter.

"Can I have your name?" Holding the cup with a pen in hand.

"Levi"

"Alright thank you, Levi. Would you like your brownie reheated?" Asking with a soft and friendly smile "Yes, please."

After asking him to sit down you start to prepare his tea and brownie, approaching him with a black tray in your hand and his food on top of it.

"Please enjoy, Levi!" Setting the tray down and flashing him a little smile before leaving him be.

And that was it, you thought this was as close as you strangers could get.

--------------------

A week to 4 days to 3, he started coming by regularly. Nothing special really, he wasn't the only regular, but you sure as hell didn't expect to be able to talk to him as if you've been friends for ages.

You've memorized the way he likes his tea, you know he has a sweet tooth that he wouldn't admit he has and you know that type of coffee he likes when he needs to get through a lecture.

Every 3 days became 2 then daily, he was back again. You didn't know why but it seemed to excite you to see a familiar face, his familiar face, what didn't make sense was why him? Why was he so special?

Was it the way he openly admired your focused and quick work attitude, the way he would pleasantly chat to you about his life outside this café or those sweet little banters you two have when he enters and leaves the store.

For a man that didn't smile much, he sure was a treasure to have around.

Often enough for you to notice though, he always seemed to sit alone. Asking about it, he's never really responded with anything other than a:

"I'm waiting for someone."

You've never seen this someone. A friend perhaps? A date? Whoever it may be, they seem pretty rude to never show up even once.

Leaning on your arms over the counter to ask him "Waiting again?" Levi started sitting closer and closer to the counter just to make your conversations easier.

A slight pause was present before his answer "Yeah." "Is it the same someone as last time?" Thinking for a moment, "No, it's a different friend."

"Not that is any of my business, but it seems pretty rude for your friends to just never show up like this. You could wait for an hour or so and still not be pissed, gotta say that's pretty admirable."

"It's not a big deal. I mean, I'm stuck here waiting with you aren't I? It's not so bad."

He's right, I guess it wouldn't be so bad if you waited with him too.

"How smooth, Prince Charming." Despite your snarky remark you can't deny, it was nice hear that you made his wait bearable for him.

To the untrained eye, someone could see him as a stoic and quiet man, maybe even intimidating. But with trust and patience, he was sweet and compassionate, it could make your heart melt.

Taking as sip from his tea, presumably ignoring your little banter, you could've sworn you saw the softest smile accompanied with a little blush.

I wouldn't mind waiting with you.

--------------------

Nearing the end of the year, a cool breeze can now be present everywhere. Malls, stores and homes turning on their heaters to help with the growing cold.

Leaving his building wearing a stylish grey coat, already on his way to his personal sanctuary, his thoughts were interrupted with a loud and high:

"LEEEEVIIII"

Turning around he was met with a very much energetic Hange Zoe, stopping in his tracks to see what they have to say. "On your way already? Excited to see your sweetheart?" They said, smirking with a deeper intent than to tease.

Levi's friends were more attentive than he had thought, it didn't take a while for them to realize that he'd been leaving the campus in a slight rush. It also didn't take them long to start guessing what else he could possibly have better to do other than sit in the library or go home immediately.

"She's not my sweetheart." He absolutely wishes though, liar. With Hange and his friends bombarding him with questions like "What's she like?" "Is she pretty?" "Are you going to make the 1st move?" It left butterflies in his stomach. The thought of a confession made his stomach twirl, even if it didn't show on his face.

He often thinks about when that perfect opportunity would arise or even if something like that exists, he'd love to win your heart over and have you in his arms. The thought of you spending your days together, official, made his heart swell, yours too. But how could he possibly ask you out? Who the hell was he to you?

"Right, of course she's not.." Hange responding quickly, stretching out the 'right' to emphasis her suspicion. "Then in that case, you should invite your 'friend' to our little gathering before we leave!" They said with a smug yet genuinely joyful expression on their face, nudging his arm to the suggestion.

"Why would I want to do that?" Levi said plainly. His friends had decided to eat out and drink together at a spot not too far from the campus.

This way they could somewhat spend their holidays together before they actually have to leave for the holidays to see their families. Including Levi, who had planned to spend it with his mother (and uncle).

"Aww c'mon, don't be like that! One of you have got to make a move sooner or later. Plus, wouldn't it be sweet for her to know that you'd been thinking about her?" They argue, thinking about it, he decides to comply.

Already walking off "Fine. Just don't follow me." "Aw but I wanna see her!" "Too bad." They follow him anyway "I'll just wait outside then! Then I'll leave once I know you've asked her!"

Clicking his tongue in agreement, they both head their way to the little café he was ever so familiar with.

-------------------

It was a busier day than usual. Though, it's to be expected due to the cold weather. It just makes people want to sit down and drink their coffee or hot cocoa, warming up their systems.

As you give the last customer in line their coffee, you hear the door open. Looking up to welcome them in, seeing who it was, a brighter smile was presented, almost as if it was an instinct.

Walking up to the counter Levi was understandably nervous, he even considered bailing on the idea now that he's here. But seeing your bright excited smile as he entered the door kept him in motion.

"Levi! Having a nice evening?" A tug at the corner of his lips made your heart pound, "Yeah." Cutting his answer short, his mind too busy to think on how he should pop the question.

"What is today?" "My usual coffee, take out, please." Nodding and grabbing a cup, you start making his usual. Looking back at Hange, they gesture him to stop stalling. You catch him looking out the door to see a tall individual with glasses.

"Is that the friend you've been waiting for all these days?" Your smile lightly calming down "O-oh no.. they're actually.." stopping himself in his tracks, air getting caught in his throat.

"I actually wanted to ask you something." "Oh? What is it?" Your attention shifting to him. "My friend.. And I wanted to ask you- if you'd like to join us for a gathering we're having. W-we'll be eating out together before we leave for the holidays." Not knowing where his eyes should look, he didn't look up until he finished his question.

Seeing your face, visibly shocked but not displeased, a bit flushed. Your eyes soften at that thought, he wanted you to come with? To spend time with you? You couldn't hold back your soft and sweet smile at his offer, what would be the point? Hiding your joy would be pointless.

Taking a look at your face, your initial reaction to the soft look you gave him. He was growing confident, maybe this wouldn't end up blowing up in his face and ruining his relationship with you.

Until your facial expression showed a bit of annoyance, a customer had fallen in line behind Levi with her kid. While the kid seemed rather patient, taking a look at the cakes in the display the mother look impatient and annoyed. "Uh- I'm sorry, Levi. Could you stand over there for a moment" gesturing to the end of the counter "I'll get your coffee ready in a minute."

With that, worry immediately washed over him. Did he say something wrong? Was he too straightforward? Did he mess up? He does as you ask and step aside, too occupied with his thoughts to realize that small flash of annoyance was in no way meant for him.

After dealing with the lady and her daughter, you walk over to Levi, his freshly made cup of coffee. "Sorry about that.. here, your coffee." Seeing his worried expression you give him a reassuring smile, your hand lingering on his as you hand him his coffee.

"Thank you so much for the invitation, Levi. That's very sweet of you." Your face showed a light flush. "It's a really busy day so- don't throw away the cardboard cup sleeve, I don't want to stop this here.." still a small bit stuck in his thoughts, he replies, "A-alright.. Thanks." Giving him another reassuring smile he heads his way to the door meeting up with the friend still outside.

"Looked like it went well!" Hange said joyfully as Levi left the café. "I don't know.. maybe it wasn't the best day to ask her, she seemed occupied." He doubtfully thought, "Huh? She seemed pleased! What are you talking about? Plus, she wrote something on your cup didn't she?" They noted in a curious tone, pointing at his cup.

Catching his attention, he takes a look at his cup and they were right, there was something written on the cup sleeve:

"I'd love to ♡ text me the details!"

was written in black marker followed by your number.

A visible yet faint blush was spread across Levi's face. He hadn't mess up, you don't hate him, you wanted to spend time with him. "Aha! See! Isn't this great?" Hange said enthusiastically, interrupting Levi's train of thought.

"..Yeah"

I'd love to♡

Yeah, this is great.

--------------------

Standing outside by the entrance of your building you stood there waiting for Levi. Having talked about it beforehand you both had decided he would just pick you up and walk with you to a small KBBQ place, just a few minutes away from the campus.

Levi wasn't the biggest fan of smelling smoke as he ate but compared to the rest of the 'cook-it-yourself' places around, this place had better ventilation, a cleaner surrounding and a decent price.

[6:03pm] Levi: Just stay by the entrance inside your building. I'm almost there.

Y/n: Alright! :)

[6:04pm] Levi: Be safe.

He's so sweet.

The weather was nice this evening. It was calm, and the wind wasn't unbearably cold, it was nice. Seeing a familiar figure across the street turning the corner, you face showed excitement as Levi lightly waved seeing you by the door.

Exiting your building you meet with Levi outside the doors, greeting him with a smile "Lead the way!" softly smiling back at you he starts to walk, making sure you're close to him. "It's not far, stay close.. okay?"

Matching his pace to stay close to him, you walk together in tranquility, engaging in peaceful conversations, asking about how they'll spend their break. It all felt natural, makes you wish that KBBQ place wasn't just 20 minutes away.

--------------------

Nearing the restaurant you see the silhouette of a tall, blonde man standing by the entrance. As both of you walk up to him, he greets you with a friendly smile and wave.

"Hello, you must be Y/n, right? I'm Erwin, It's nice to finally meet you." He greets to which to you reply "It's nice to meet you too!" he must be one of Levi's friends who would join us- stopping your thoughts you think back to what he said:

"..nice to finally meet you."

Finally? Has Levi been talking about you? You felt a light blush at the thought, thinking about me?  It was nice to think that he'd be thinking about you, after all, you'd been thinking of him too.

"Follow me, we already have a table." Walking inside gesturing for both of you to join, Erwin leads you to a reserved table. Seated at the table were 4 people, one of which you've seen outside the café, the day Levi invited you to eat out with his friends.

As you approach the table you were quickly greeted with hello's and nice to meet you's. Sitting down next to next to the familiar face, they introduced themselves.

"It's nice to see you again! I'm Hange!" "Oh yeah, you were standing outside the café that day, why didn't you come in?" you asked out of curiosity, "Oh I promised Levi I'd wait for him outside while he asked you out!" They gladly explained, lowering their volume to just about a whisper to continue "Y'know.. I was the one who suggested to invite you, Levi can be quite a shy one." They smirked which followed a chuckle.

Looking over at Levi to see some sort of confirmation. All you saw cute pink blush that ran across his face, him looking forward to either avoid eye contact or pretend like he didn't hear, either way, it was adorable.

"Anyway, it's nice to meet you! I'm Nanaba, this is Miche and that's Moblit." Nanaba had introduced going down the line.

"It's nice to meet you all." you simply said, "though.. I can't help but notice, it doesn't seem like you guys extended the invitation to anyone else. Why extend it to me?" as much as you enjoyed sitting here with Levi and his friends you couldn't help but wonder why, couldn't help but want to know it straight, said to your face.

"Because we want to get to know you." Levi admittedly explains, though he feels he wants to get to know you more than anyone else here. His friends nodding in agreement, some smirking at both yours and Levi's oblivious interactions.

Clinking your glasses filled with alcohol the night went on filled with laughter and nonsense. You kept your alcohol intake low knowing you'd obviously still need to go home and you'd rather go home walking than slumping on some poor person's shoulder.

As minutes to hours pass by, sharing stories that brought out laughter which rang around the room. Soon enough it was nearing midnight and some of you were a bit tipsy, some more than others, though you kept yourself your little promise of not going home a blackout drunk.

You weren't drunk but you were tipsy enough to be not be embarrassed if you were to spill some truth about your feelings. After the bill was paid, stuff gathered, and as they walk their way to the door Hange proposes an idea to Levi.

"Y'knowww.. Y/n would really appreciate it if you walked her home.. can't let anything happen to her ya'know.." Clicking his tongue at the smell of alcohol in their breath "What? Did you think I was just gonna let her walk home alone? It's almost 11."

Miche budges in abruptly "Is that why you barely drank?" clearly to tease the man. Overhearing the conversation without really thinking you cling onto his arm "I'm not that tipsy.. but I'd love the company.." a light pink was present across your cheeks, you couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the blatant confession.

"Even if you were completely sober, I'd still walk you home." He'd love to.

--------------------

There were lots of stars out, nice view. The cool breeze, the bright moon, it was all so beautiful. "When are you gonna leave..?" Catching his attention, "Hm?" "to visit your mom?" you weren't exactly sure why you wanted to know, he did say he was coming back, maybe you just didn't want the night to end yet.

"Tomorrow. I'll be leaving in the morning, why?" he asked back, "Nothing.. just curious." Looking up you see the moon in that navy blue sky, it gave you an idea. Walking into your building you were still gripping his arm, not as tight as when you were out on the street but you didn't exactly plan on letting go just yet.

"Do you mind staying for a bit?" Embarrassed to ask but you did anyway. Taken aback "What? Why? Are you not feeling well?" he asks with a flustered and concerned tone. "No it's not.. you don't have to- I just.." you could feel the alcohol help you speak the truth "..wanna spend more time with you."

It felt like his brain stopped for a moment, did she just..?, but in reality it was racing with thoughts to the point where he didn't even notice. Scared of his silence you ditch the idea just as quick as you proposed it, practically interrupting yourself. "Sorry- sorry, I didn't mean to be- I didn't mean it like that-" apologies and explanations start to leave your mouth all at the same time.

"No, it's alright. I-I know what you meant.. I don't mind." holding back his stutters fairly well the blush spreading towards his ears were as evident as ever. "What? Really?" thank god he didn't take it the wrong way, "Tch," avoiding eye contact and walking toward the elevators "you want my company or not?" "Very much.."

On your way up to your room there was a sense of familiarity and comfort, even though the signs of success were there, you weren't exactly sure what you were so nervous about. Maybe you were sobering up quicker than you thought, it's not all bad though.. You didn't exactly want him to just deal with you drunk, you didn't want him to see you that way.

--------------------

Taking out your keys, opening the door and letting both of you in, you turn on the light and offer him a drink as you open your fridge "Sit down, do you want anything to drink?" "How the hell would I know what's in your fridge?" He says dryly

"Heh- that's fair, hot cocoa then?" Giving a simple nod at your offer you take out two mugs and start to warm up some milk. "Sorry it's just hot cocoa mix and milk." You apologize for no apparent reason other than to avoid the awkward silence.

"That's fine, how do you think I make my hot cocoa?" he asks sarcastically, "with fresh cocoa beans fresh from the tree" you retort jokingly, laughing a little. Surprisingly, he giggles along, making your heart flutter.

Looking at the clock as you pour the milk into the powder, 11:27pm, you interrupt the silence once again with an apology "Sorry.. I know you have you leave in the morning.." you remind yourself as you add a few marshmallows to your cups, walking up to him to give him his drink, "Why do you keep apologizing? I meant it when I said I wanted to be here." He reminds you as he takes the cup out of your hands, unable to hold back a smile the tension on your shoulders loosen, relaxing at his remark.

"If it doesn't bother you.." grabbing the blankets off the couch and opening the window "the nights beautiful.. and the view is better on the roof.." seeing the confusion on his face, you explain in a simple manner "don't worry, it'll be quick and the roof's actually pretty clean. Stargazing on the roof is actually pretty calming."

Trusting your rather odd offer you set your mugs on the counter next to the window to easily step out onto the fire escape. Once both of you had exited you grab both your mugs through the window and head up the steps leading to the roof

"Y'know I didn't expect having to climb out a window today." "Honestly I didn't expect to be stargazing with you, but it's not so bad is it?" "No, no it's not."

--------------------

Reaching the roof you set 1 of the blankets down to avoid sitting directly on the roof.

Sitting down you pat the spot next to you asking him to sit down, doing as you request, he settles beside you holding onto his hot cocoa for warmth "The second blanket is for us, no secret that it's gonna get chilly." You explained, casually wrapping it around both of you, what a bold move.

You smile at him, showing fulfillment and joy. The smiled you both see around each other always show honesty, such a simple gesture can convey so much. Now under the moonlight, snuggled together close, his heart couldn't handle how lovely it felt. You could've sworn you saw his eye water a little, that or the light of the moon glistened brighter than usual.

Looking up at the stars, admiring their light and formations, sipping on your warm drink, the air in your lungs start to lock up. Exhaling a breath you didn't know you were keeping in, the comfortable silence was broken with emotions put into words.

"Other than a ball of fire a huge distance away, do you think they can be anything else?"

"I don't know." he answered with simplicity and honesty.

"You ever wonder how long the stars have been here?"

"Not really, I don't look up at the sky that often. But I'm sure they've been here for a while."

Say it.

"I'd happily wait a billion years to see you."

Taken by surprise, he swings his head to take a look at you.

"..whether it be coming to the café, picking me up, coming home from a trip or seeing you in another life. I'll be here, waiting for you to come home. You wouldn't ever have to second guess it, because I'll be here, loving every second of it."

Looking up at him, to pour your heart out. "Because every second of it, I'll be loving you."

Letting out a shaky breath, holding you closer, softly yet firmly holding onto your hand, letting out the simple truth.

"That and so much more is the reason why I can say: I love you too."

[babyangellee]

“Save People”

Summary- The Reader must make a difficult decision with the help of a familiar face

Warning- None

Word Count - 1.7k

(AN// Can we all agree to pretend that Hotch and Morgan never left and the team never changed because I imagine like season 13 Reid so let's just go with that??)

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Part Two of Four to "Please Find Me"

JJ's heels clicked down the hallway as she sped walked towards the frantic man yelling at the nurse who was trying to calm him down.

"Spence!" JJ yelled, getting his attention. He saw her and quickly rushed over to her bombarding her with questions about your current state. "She's in surgery right now. They won't tell us anything." She gently placed her hand on Spencer's shoulder in an effort to comfort him.

"How bad is it? Derek wouldn't say over the phone." Spencer asked new tears forming in his already bloodshot and puffy hazel eyes as he stared at the shorter blonde woman. She sighed and Spencer knew it was bad. He didn't need to be a profiler to know that. JJ had led him and Penelope to the waiting room where the rest of the team was.

Hotch had ordered Spencer to stay back at Quantico with Garcia because he wasn't in the right headspace to be out in the field. As soon as he got the call from Morgan, Penelope and he raced to the hospital needing to know what was going on as soon as possible.

Spencer was greeted by the rest of his team when he walked into the waiting room and they all gave him sad eyes.

"Has anyone called her mom?" Emily asked, looking around the group once everyone was sat down. They all looked at each other before Garcia finally reached into her purse for her phone. JJ, Spencer, and Garcia all had your mother's phone number for the same reason they all had a key to your apartment.

About an hour later your mom ran through the hospital hallways looking for the group of agents. She finally spotted Spencer and immediately hugged him.

"How is she? Have they told you anything yet?" She asked, running a shaky hand through her hair, worry evident all over her face and in her voice. "I'm sorry Liz they haven't said anything yet," Spencer shook his head before walking her over to a seat and sitting across from her.

"Ya know Y/N was also really weird when it came to dating." She spoke up after a few hours of silence. She leaned forward and grabbed hold of Spencer's hand and looked to your team members, they all stared back intently waiting for her to continue knowing that she was about to tell a story.

"I remember one night when she was thirteen years old, she had walked into my room late at night and curled into bed with me. She had said to me 'Mom I'm never going to say I love you if I don't mean it. I'm saving it' I chuckled softly thinking it was crazy that she thought that. That she could save those three little words for just one person. But after her dad left she built walls and never let anyone in." Liz sighed looking around at everyone and smiled before continuing.

"She stuck to it. She would go on dates with boys in high school and she'd just known after one night. She would come home from everyone and tell me that they weren't for her. She didn't want to waste those words or her time on just anyone. For a while, I thought she was going to be single forever." She paused laughing slightly and everyone else chuckled except Spencer. "Then one night she called me at like 2 AM and I could practically feel the smile through the phone. She said to me, 'Mom I found him. The one I've been saving those words for' She knew after one date that this person was worthy of those words. I remember she laughed a little before continuing on. She had said 'I know you think I'm crazy but I promise you, he's the one. His name is Spencer.'' Everyone remained silent. Like children when you've reached the middle of a book and they were waiting for you to continue. Spencer just looked down with tears in his eyes.

"The first time she brought you over to meet me I knew she was serious. I had never met any of her dates. But you weren't just a date anymore. You were her boyfriend." Your mom squeezed his hands as she looked him in the eyes. She then looked around to your entire team before finishing her little story. "I don't think I have ever seen one human love another human as much as she loves you, Spencer. She loves you so much that she is way too stubborn to die on you. She waited 25 years to find you. " With that, she stood up and hugged him again. Everyone had tears in their eyes at that point and just prayed that you were okay.

****

You shot up looking around you. You noticed the familiar blue comforter and matching pillowcase that you hadn't seen in a while. As your eyes scanned the room you looked to see the familiar lilac walls with band posters and photos everywhere. You instantly knew where you were and quickly climbed out of bed. You ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. You saw a tall, muscular man standing by the stove with his back turned to you. Your breath hitched in your throat as you swallowed thickly.

"Dad?" You asked quietly as the man slowly turned around with a smile on his face.

'Princess, how are you? I haven't seen you since your graduation." He walked towards you engulfing you in a hug. Tears pricked your eyes as you tightly hugged back. You loved your dad, he was like your best friend. After your parents got divorced you spent weekends and summers with him. After you graduated high school you moved across the country to get a psychology degree and apply for the FBI. It had been close to eleven years since you last saw him.

"Dad am I-" You couldn't bring yourself to finish the sentence. He shook his head no, understanding what you were going to ask. "But right now you need to decide what your future is going to be, baby doll. You can either stay here or go back." He said grabbing your hand and leading you out of the kitchen and towards the front door. He opened the front door and instead of being met with outside, you were met with your apartment you shared with Spencer.

You looked around and noticed Spencer on the couch staring out the window at a sunset. You looked back at your dad before he nodded and you slowly walked towards Spencer. You sat down next to him and put your hand in the empty space between you. He placed his on top of you and looked at you smiling.

"Hi" You breathed out with tears in your eyes and you leaned forward and hugged him with all of your might. You hadn't seen him in days and you thought you would never see him again. Sure this was a figment of your imagination but it was good enough for now. "I've missed you." He said quietly before releasing from the hug. You let go as well and just continued to stare at him. "Yea, I missed you too." You softly chuckled, brushing the tears away. grabbing his hand again.

Before you could say anything else your dad placed a hand on your shoulder and you looked at him. "Come on, there is someone else waiting on us." He said as Spencer stopped smiling and looked back at the window. You got up from your seat taking one last look at him before following your dad.

"If you choose to go back he'll be waiting for you. All of us will." He smiled as you continued to walk out of your apartment door and into a park. "But if you stay, he'll be waiting for you." He said pointing to a teenage boy sitting on a swing with his back to you. More tears formed in your eyes as the realization hit you of who was sitting there.

Your twin brother sat kicking his feet into the wood chips underneath the swing as you approached him.

"Liam!" You cried running towards him causing him to turn his head to see you before he got up meeting you halfway. As soon as he was an arm's length away you immediately engulfed him in a hug. "I'm so sorry! It's my fault. If I hadn't stayed home sick that day from school I would have been with you an none of this would have happened." You sobbed into his shoulder and he just held onto you.

"Y/N stop. It's not your fault. How were you supposed to know? But look at you. You save people for a living now." He tried to soothe you. "I did it for you. I wanted to help prevent what happened to us from happening to other families." You said releasing from the hug but holding his hand as you walked back to the swings that he was sitting on originally.

"I know and I am so proud of you. You have helped save so many people." He beamed looking at you with so much love in his eyes. "You can't stay. So many more people need you. And you need to save more people. Spencer, Mom, Dad, your team, they all need you." He reached over and squeezed your hand as hard as he could before standing up.

"Go live your life. Save people." He gave you one last look before walking away. You looked back to see your dad was gone as well and you were alone in the park.

******

"We're losing her!" The surgeon yelled starting chest compressions and one of the nurses placed an oxygen mask over your mouth and nose.

"Wait! We have a sinus rhythm!" Another nurse yelled watching your vitals on the monitor. The surgeon stopped chest compressions as you started breathing on your own again.

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[libra-kirishima]

...but the timing is never right. (Togata Mirio x reader)

The pain in his eyes killed you to see.

His words turned into white noise in your mind as you studied his features. Bruises of all colors covered his skin. Everywhere you could see, there was at least one. The skin you couldn’t see was either covered by his hospital gown or wrapped in bandages. There was blood on his knuckles that soaked through the gauze, dried and hardened in the fabric. Instinctively you reached out for Mirio’s hand and stroked your thumb over the bloodied knuckles.

When you met his eyes again, his words came back in focus again as you noticed a single tear drip down his cheek. Your free hand moved to wipe it away. You stayed like that for a while. Eyes locked on his, stroking his cheek with your thumb, not saying a word. A small, sad smile graced his face which you couldn’t help but return.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, breaking the silence between you. “I know the timing has never been right for us, but…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words to say to you.

He was lost. Clueless as to how to convey how he’s feeling.

He thought back to when he met you.

“Hey, I’m so sorry to bother you. Do you know where the first year’s entrance exam is taking place?”

The voice behind him pulled his attention away from Tamaki to the direction it was coming from. His eyes met a girl racing to meet up with the two of them. The first thing he noticed was that she was gorgeous. The second thing he noticed was that she was barreling towards him, lost her balance, and was now falling on top of him. He instinctively reached out to catch her before she knocked them both onto the pavement.

“Woah,” He wrapped his arms around her midsection tightly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m so sorry-”

“No, no, it’s fine. Really.” He helped you back on your feet. Mirio didn’t want to let you out of his arms for some reason, but understood that he had to. “I’m Togata, this is Amajiki-” Tamaki let out a soft and nervous ‘hey’ in response to his name. “Are you looking for the entrance exam too?”

“Yeah, I am. Thanks for all your help…”

After the entrance exam, he searched for you in the crowd. Though tired and sweaty, he searched for you with the same fervent energy he had walking in. When he finally spotted you beside a blue haired girl, he met your gaze and smiled. Before he could make his way over to speak to you, he felt Tamaki’s arm on his shoulder, pulling him away.

“The written test scores were released. Come on.” He muttered.

Mirio shot you an apologetic smile and a shrug before walking away.

He thought back to the next time he saw you.

In the same homeroom class as he and Tamaki, making conversation with that same blue haired girl from earlier across the room. You laughed at a comment she made which Mirio couldn’t hear. He grinned. He loved your laugh. He would do anything to hear it again.

“You’re staring.” Tamaki told him. He looked down in embarrassment. 

“Sorry, I just…” He trailed off, looking back in your direction and letting out a sigh. Shaking his head, he smiled again before telling his best friend. “Hey let’s go make some new friends.”

“Let’s not.” Tamaki protested, but he was already being dragged away by Mirio to the other side of the room to talk to you.

He learned your name was (Y/N), and the girl beside you was Nejire. Before he could say anything else, their homeroom teacher introduced himself as Mr. Aizawa, and proceeded to provide the class with their seating arrangement.

He’d never admit it if anyone asked, but he was thinking to himself the whole class period how nicely your name sounded with his last name in place of your own.

He remembered his first sports festival.

Making it all the way to the end. Victory was right in his grasp. First place was as good as his.

Or he was convinced as much until it was announced that his final battle would be against you.

You knew your strengths and his weaknesses well. It took only a short amount of time for you to realize that he couldn’t breathe while his quirk was in use. And with that knowledge, you were able to quickly thereafter overwhelm him. While he was desperately panting to catch his breath, you in one swift motion knocked him out of the ring.

He thought about how after the match, you ran through the arena looking for him. You found him in a room by himself, and rushed to ask him if he was okay, if you didn’t hurt him too much, how he was feeling, where his head was at. Amidst the bombardment of questions, his mood completely shifted. He couldn’t bring himself to be sour about not winning first place anymore. Not when you looked at him like that. Full of warmth and compassion. Your hands were cool against his skin, but they still radiated a warm energy of some sort that made his cheeks flush red.

Maybe losing wasn’t so bad sometimes.

Before he could say anything further, Nejire opened the door to the room you were in and told you both that the awards ceremony was starting soon and you needed to go. 

He recalled asking you if you wanted to hang out with him before your internships started. 

You spent the next 20 minutes trying to plan something that worked between both of your new work schedules. There was no time either of you could spare.

“Ask me again once our internships are over, m’kay? We’ll work something out then.” You assured him. He was so captivated by the smile you gave him that he couldn’t process your question at first.

“Okay.” He muttered, unable to wipe the goofy lovestruck grin off his face.

He forgot to ask you again once your internships were over.

He recalled an instance that summer where you and Nejire agreed to go see a movie with him and Tamaki.

 With Tamaki at his right and Nejire at your left, that left you and he sitting beside each other in the dark theater. You assured him that you could handle the horror movie everyone wanted to see, but at the sight of the first jumpscare, you reached out to him and held his arm for the duration of the film. Sometimes using his shoulder to shield your eyes from the gore on the silver screen. At one point you laced your fingers in with his and held his hand for the last act of the film, taking comfort in the way he soothingly stroked your thumb with his whenever he felt you flinch. Once you finally calmed down, you looked up at him. He met your eyes and felt so much love and adoration radiate from you. His cheeks started to flush again and he couldn’t be more grateful that it was too dark for you to notice.

It was second nature for him to move closer towards you. Your eyes flickered to his lips, and back to his eyes, and slowly inched closer to him in response.

Though, before he could do anything, the credits began to roll and the lights in the theater flicked on. You two separated before your friends could notice.

But that night that he went home, he couldn’t get enough of the scent of your perfume that lingered on the right side of his hoodie.

He remembered the night your mother died.

All the grief and pain you experienced, and how he would give anything to take that pain from you. He would bear that pain a million times over if it meant taking it away from you.

Of all the people in the world you could reach out to first, you chose him. He was such an important friend to you that you were the first person he called. You trusted him enough to bare your soul for him. To break down in his arms and cry. The following evening, you called again, and without another word he took the first train to your house. A knock at your window brought you face to face with Mirio, in his pajamas, with sleep still in his eyes.

He remembers asking if there was anything else he could do for you. Anything at all that could make things easier on you.

“Tell your mom that you love her.” You answered between sniffles. “Give her a hug, maybe.”

“My mom died when I was really young.” He confessed. Rather than apologizing, you prompted him to tell you more. Even though you were just switching from talking about your dead mom to talking about his, he was relieved that something could get you to stop crying for even just a little while. You listened intently as he told you everything he could remember about his mom. The few memories that resided within him. Once he was finished, he brought you into another tight hug. “Anything else?” He mumbled into your hairline.

“Yeah. Will you stay with me? Just for the night?”

“Of course.” He answered.

Before he could drift back asleep by your side, he watched as your eyes flicked from his own, down to his lips, and back up again.

And once again, like magnets, the two of you were inexplicably pulled towards each other.

He thought a lot about that first night that he kissed you. There was something unspoken between the two of you, which both of you disliked, but understood as necessary.

I want you, but maybe now isn’t the time.

But still, the feeling of your lips on his haunted him like a ghost on some nights. When he was alone, his thoughts always drifted back to you.

He thought back to when his grade in English started slipping.

As another assignment was handed back by Present Mic, slightly folded so nobody else would see the grade while it was exchanged between them, Mirio heard a voice from behind him.

“I can tutor you if you want.” He turned toward the direction of the voice, and was met with you seated on top of the empty desk behind him. “I’m fluent in the language. If you need help with it, I can provide.” You continued with a small smirk.

“I mean if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. We’re friends.” There was a long silence between you after you uttered the word ‘friends.’ You both figured it was better not to address it. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Being tutored in English, I guess.” He chuckled.

“Great! So Friday night is tutoring night then?”

“Yeah definitely. Your place or mine?”

He remembered the train ride back to his house feeling agonizingly long. The entire time he fought with himself not to stare at you. You looked so pretty with the light of the sun illuminating your skin with golden rays. And he couldn’t help but think back to how good your name would sound with his last name. He did his best to bury these feelings though. Despite doing his best to take in the information, something in his brain just wasn’t allowing it to stick. He suspected that it was the part that couldn’t get over the sight of you, but turned your words into white noise as he stared at you.

“Come on, this has to be getting into your brain somehow.” You groaned. “Are you even still paying attention?”

“Huh, what? Oh! Yeah I’m still listening, sorry.”

“Sure you are.” You giggled.

“Tell you what; I’ll go over it all again and then I’ll quiz you on it. If you get every question right, then I’ll reward you.”

“Reward me with what?”

“Anything you want.” You answered confidently. 

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Mirio had never paid such close attention to anything as he did the notebook in front of him, as he scribbled down the words coming out of your mouth.

“-Good. And the English sentence structure?” You asked. Question number 8. Two more to go.

Come on, Mirio, you can do this.

“Subject, Verb, Object?”

“Right again! What’s a noun?”

“A person or a thing.”

“Or...?”

“Or… a, uh, a place?”

“Yes exactly! Okay the last one is harder, are you ready?” You ignored his groans of protest as you gave him the next question. “What’s a pronoun?”

“A word that can substitute a noun?” He answered. He was completely unsure of himself, but was flooded with joy as he watched your eyes light up in excitement.

“Yes! I’m so proud of you.” You squealed. “Okay. I promised you anything, I meant anything. What do you want?”

He didn’t answer your question. Instead preferring to stand up, make his way over to where you were sitting on top of his desk, and pressing his lips to yours. You quickly return his kiss, quickly escalating it and refusing to pull away from him until you couldn’t breathe.

“That.”

“That’s it?” You teased. The surprise in his eyes brought that same smirk back onto your features. “When I said anything, I had figured you would be more creative.” He moved even closer than before, placing one hand to your side on the surface of his desk, and wrapping the other around the side of your thigh. He pulled you in for another kiss, pulling away only to mumble

“Who said that was it?” against your lips.

Your hands moved to unbutton his shirt as he slipped his free hand under yours.

Thank god my dad works late on Fridays. Was all he could think to himself as your nimble fingers swiftly moved to undo his stupid golden teeth belt buckle that you couldn’t help but love on him. You pulled your mouth from the spot it was attacking on his neck after freeing him from the pants of his school uniform.

“Oh, I get why you’re failing now.” You told him between bites to the nape of his neck. “There’s no blood going to your brain.”

Fridays weren’t ever going to be just tutoring nights.

He remembered how hectic the latter half of your second year would be on both of you. 

Both off either at your respective work studies or in class, and using your free time to catch up on the assignments missed while at your work studies. You hardly got the chance to talk to each other anymore, but there were always Friday evenings.

And on each and every Friday, as you were feverishly ridding each other of your clothes, he couldn’t help but wish he had more time with you.

Time to take you out on dates like you deserved. Turn your relationship into something more than friends with benefits.

Would you even want that?

He decided that he’d rather live in ignorance to preserve what you have now than wonder about it later and destroy this.

The feeling of your mouth on him, and his hands tangled in your hair was enough to distract him from it all.

For now.

He recalled the night after his meeting with Sir Nighteye.

He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about their plans to raid the hideout and rescue Eri, but the guilt was eating away at him. His remorse was slowly killing him.

He didn’t even realize where he was going when he snuck out of his room at first. His subconscious did all the work for him, dragging his feet along the wooden floor and up the elevator until he found himself at your door.

He noticed light still leaking from the crack beneath the door, and brought his trembling hand up in a fist to knock against the wood.

You emerged from behind the door a second later, with that smile he just adores gracing your features.

“Hey, how’s it goi- Mirio, what’s wrong?”

The concerned look in your eyes was enough for him to snap. He collapsed himself in your arms and sobbed. He cried until there were no tears left to cry, and then he cried some more. “Is there anything I can do for you?” You mumbled into his hair. The pain he was feeling brought back memories of the loss of your mother the year prior.

“Will you stay with me? Just for the night?” He answered.

“Of course, baby.”

Baby. A name you only ever called him during sex.

His head hurt too much to wonder about the implications of it. He smiled as he nuzzled into your neck.

“Baby, huh?”

“Mhm.”

Nothing else was said between you that night. Nothing needed to be said. You both understood quite well.

I wish we could be more, but the timing isn’t right.

Mirio looks back into your eyes. He wasn’t sure how long you had been sitting on his hospital bed, watching intently as he searched for the right words to say.

“(Y/N),” He started again. “I’m sorry.” Before you could ask what he was sorry for, he went on. “I love you. I love you so much more than you could possibly know. And I know that we always told ourselves that the time wasn’t right, but after almost dying I-��� He stopped, trying his best to hold in the tears that threatened to overflow. “I almost died, and the entire time I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wished I got to tell you this sooner. How I could have made more time for you and I didn’t. I hated myself for it. And now that I’ve made it out alive, and I’ve lost so much, I can’t bring myself to risk losing you too.”

Mirio’s tears flowed freely down his cheeks, being wiped away by your thumb only to have more flow in their place.

“You’re so stupid.” You finally answered. “You’re not gonna lose me.”

“I’m not?”

“Are you kidding?” You took his face in both of your hands, kissing him gently. “We’ve been doing this for three years. Do you think I’m gonna give this up now? I love you. I always have.”

“I love you so much.” He tells you again between sobs. “You mean everything to me. I’m never gonna leave your side again. I’m so sorry.”

“Baby it’s okay. It’ll all be okay. The worst of it is over. I promise.” You sit with him in silence for another long while, pressing soft kisses all along his face until the sound of the door to his hospital room caught your attention. In walked a little girl with hair the color of snow and big sad eyes that you couldn’t look away from. Holding her hand was her former homeroom teacher. You smiled brightly at both of them. “Hey, Mirio. You have a visitor.”

[trashy-croud]

Nevada: Area 51 👽🛸

Over 52 deaths on this level alone. I never said I was good at this game, but this was insane, my ability to forget to save is impeccable, and the fact I now have limited saves has made me want to horde them more and refuse to use them. It's terrible, I know, which has led to me needing to start over from the beginning whenever I die. I’m too adamant about saving up my save crystals, that it takes me twice as long to actually finish the level. Reminder to self, save when you can, as well as don’t be afraid of running out of crystals, hell, the same happened in the first game and I made it through just fine - so what’s the worst that could happen? (I’ve just jinxed myself, haven’t I?)

A lot of my deaths this level have been from the turrets, they have become the bane of my existence in this level, it was a lot of here there and everywhere, oh as well as the dreaded jump with lasers and collapsing grates, I’m sure that’s a big hint for anyone who has played this level. We’ve been electrified, pummelled with bullets, fallen from great heights, the works, and yet we kept pushing through, we managed to also get all of the secrets which also took me by surprise. I nearly gave up for the 3rd one purely because of the dastardly lasers and the jump to get into it. Me judging the fall down was also an absolute pain, I couldn’t guess it and would forget to save so far back so we started from long before we got to the second set of codes.

There was one thing that threw me off right at the start. The MP5. I expected that to be classed as one of the secrets but instead it was just a plain old thing you could get if you were lucky enough to kill the guard before he got to the pad. Well, I was determined to get that gun, no matter what. I may have wasted some of my desert eagles rounds though, that won’t come back to bite me in the arse, surely?

This level ranged in difficulty though, and at times, felt a tad repetitive with the scenery. But I suppose that is to be expected in a place like Area 51, they aren’t entirely one for decor. But whenever we got a view outside, the views were stunning, the beautiful sunset glow and looking over the horizons whenever we were at the top of anything in this level.

There were some difficult enemies that required quite a few shots, these being the enemies that spawn during the timed door run - never before have I found a timed door easy though, is that a good or a bad sign? Anyway, this level was very intricate and we got to see what else it held in store for us with the aliens on the dissection table as well as orcas in a large tank, we also spotted a UFO. But can we really call it that? I mean we can identify it, it’s a spaceship and it isn’t flying. So we spotted a non-UFO? Anyway, this thing looked tiny on the outside, but heading inside, it was huge - it was bizarre and we were bombarded with guards as we would finally reach our second artefact and reach the end of the level!

So to decide where I would head next, I held a poll on twitter and it seems like the next place we’re heading to is the South Pacific Islands to claim our third artefact. I’ve been warned once already about needing health packs but um... perhaps it won’t be too bad? I mean, what’s the worse that could happen? And don’t you dare mention poison!

[asgardian--angels]

Hi again! So, you've probably heard about it by now, but I saw an article about the possibility of Asian giant hornets having migrated over to the U.S. I clearly have no knowledge on the subject beyond what I read in the article (and that's hardly any basis to form an opinion on lol) and I know that this kind of falls under your realm of expertise, so I was wondering if you might have anymore information to offer and possibly alleviate some anxieties??

Hi there! Yes, it seems it’s been bombarding everyone’s news feeds the past few days. I was actually just asked to talk about it on the radio today. I’ll preface this with the fact that I am not super familiar with the biology of this particular species, though I had heard of it before all of this and it’s heckin cool. 

Is this wasp a problem? Potentially, yes. Should we call it a ‘murder hornet’ and use it as fodder for wasp hate everywhere? Absolutely not. If the Asian Giant Hornet is a problem, it’s because it could be invasive, not because it’s a wasp. Let’s break that down.

In its home range, this massive wasp specializes on hunting honeybees. Honeybees in Japan are not our honeybees, they’re an entirely different species, Apis cerana japonica (as opposed to western honeybees, Apis mellifera). Japanese honeybees evolved alongside this species, and they are together part of an ecosystem - giant hornets like this don’t just pop up like Godzilla ready to demolish society, they look and act the way they do because of millions of years of evolution alongside predators and prey and their environment. Their arms race is with the Japanese honeybee, which can tolerate temperatures in excess of 115 degrees Fahrenheit, and they will swarm the infiltrating wasp and cook it alive. This is a unique, special adaptation that came about because these two have been duking it out forever. So that’s step 1. This wasp is not some monstrous thing born of Cthulhu. It has an ecological place. Honeybees over there are perfectly used to it, just another day for them (there’s actually two other giant hornet species that attack hives sporadically as well over there). We just think it looks terrifying because it’s different than what we’re used to, and it amplifies our already-present fears of wasp-shaped creatures.

Step 2.1 The reasons why it could pose a problem in the U.S. Firstly, its sting is dangerous; obviously, its sting is very large and can deliver a lot of venom, and if you’ve seen the Coyote Peterson video on it, it causes long-lasting swelling and pain. One or even a few stings will not severely harm you, but seven, eight, a dozen, could potentially send you to the E.R. with severe inflammation and even renal failure. You’re more at risk from complications from fewer stings if you have pre-existing inflammation or breathing problems, and if you get stung someplace like your neck or face. Most victims, even those who are hospitalized, do make a full recovery. That being said, like any other social wasp we have, you’re only likely to get stung if you accidentally stumble upon a nest and can’t book it out of there fast enough. I cannot vouch for the natural aggressiveness of this species, but given its size, life history, and similarities to related species, I would say that it will probably have a fairly proactive response to disturbance, aka, yes, it absolutely does pose a health risk to humans and this is a valid reason to be concerned.

Step 2.2 The other reason people are worried. This wasp targets honeybees, which most people know are extremely important for our agricultural system. It can decimate whole hives of western honeybees, as they have not evolved the defenses necessary to fend them off. However, I’ve heard things like ‘they’re going to contribute to bee declines!’ and that is simply not the case. Honeybees are not native - they are not an essential part of our ecosystem, only our agricultural one. It will be an economic loss if we start losing honeybee colonies, but honeybees are not the bees that we should be concerned about here in North America. It’s our native bees that are declining at startling rates. These hornets will not attack our native bees, because they don’t build hives! Only a very small percentage of our >3,500 species of native bee live in colonies, and they’re almost all underground and with a tiny fraction of the number of workers that a honeybee colony has (instead of tens of thousands, think, a couple dozen). The rest are totally solitary. Not what this wasp is looking for; it has a search image, it knows how to seek out honeybee colonies and I highly doubt it would recognize bumblebees or sweat bees as prey. The reason why this hornet has the potential to do so much damage in the first place is a classic problem with monocultures; grow (or in this case, raise) too much of one thing in one place, and when a disease or pest comes by, it can easily sweep through the population with high mortality. It’s been recognized for a while now that we rely far too heavily on honeybees for our pollination; concerns over Colony Collapse Disorder sparked these discussions. This whole time, we should have been providing for wild, native bees, by giving them the habitat they need to live alongside us and pollinate our crops. Instead, we’ve pushed them out with monocultures, pesticides, and development, then decided to bring in a non-native species to replace them. This is a setup for disaster. The presence of this new threat should be a wakeup call to change our ways. 

Step 3. Do not judge all wasps by this one species. ‘Murder hornet’ is not a term that allows us to discuss this animal objectively. The VAST majority of native wasps are small, stingless species which most of us never notice, yet they perform invaluable ecological services as parasitoids. Our stinging species are still mostly solitary and non-aggressive, and are pollinators and predators on common garden pests. And you know what? Yellowjackets, bald-faced hornets (not a true hornet, actually), paper wasps, the ones people don’t like? They’re beneficial too, for the same reasons as above. They are a crucial part of our ecosystem, and are aggressive only if we threaten their colonies, which contain their young. This introduced species posing risks to us does NOT give us the right to condemn our native species to fear and hatred. Wasps already have a bad rap. Don’t make this fuel for the fire. If this wasp is dangerous, it’s not because it’s a wasp. It’s because it’s an invasive species that lacks the checks and balances of its natural habitat. Invasive species can be plants, fungi, or animals, and just because this one is a wasp doesn’t mean you get to lump all other wasps in with it. 

Lastly, I’m already seeing people all over the country start to claim they are seeing this wasp. You are not. Unless you live in Washington, at this time, you’re seeing something else. Let me show you a few, in case you are mistaken:

European Hornet - Vespa crabro. (Photo) Non-native, but established in the eastern U.S. Largest wasp most people have ever seen, but still half the size of the queen Asian giant hornet. Acts like other yellowjackets and such, no serious ecological threat. 

Eastern Cicada Killer - Sphecius speciosus (photo). Native, found east of the Rockies. Specializes on hunting cicadas. A large, solitary wasp, but not aggressive. Lives in burrows in the ground. About the size of the European hornet. They like sandy areas, so you might see them in fields or playgrounds.

Paper wasps - Polistes spp. (photo). Native, common across the country, some species have yellow markings, others are brown or reddish. Social wasps, they build paper nests under awnings near human habitation, can be somewhat aggressive if you get too close to the nest but otherwise are approachable when foraging on flowers. Smaller, usually 3/4 inch or so.

Potter and mason wasps - Eumeninae spp. (photo). We have hundreds of species of potter wasp, and in the southern U.S. many of them have red and yellow markings. This particular one is Euodynerus pratensis from Texas. These are solitary wasps, and are not very large, usually not exceeding 1/2 an inch, maybe the largest are 3/4in. They make mud nests, sometimes near human habitation, but they are docile and rarely cause conflict. 

Great Golden Digger Wasp - Sphex ichneumoneus (photo). Common across the U.S., a large native solitary wasp common on flowers. Not really the same body structure as a vespid but just in case... these guys scare some people because they are large and gangly but they hunt grasshoppers and katydids and are generally non-intrusive. They live in underground burrows, not near humans. They’re good pollinators too!

I hope that alleviates some fear that comes with people starting to claim they’re seeing this wasp where it isn’t. It’s just another case of boy cries brown recluse spider. Most people are so unfamiliar with our native insect fauna that once they start noticing wasps, everything looks like the culprit just because they weren’t paying attention to what’s always been around them.

It sounds like they don’t know the extent of establishment yet, or when/how the AGH was introduced. Chances are, if people are starting to find them, then it’s already got a population. However, if early response methods can effectively control their spread, there’s a chance we can eliminate them. We have hundreds of invasive species here in the U.S. that are wreaking havoc on our ecosystems because we missed the short window in which to eradicate them. We do not know the total impact this hornet could have, until we thoroughly read the literature on its ecology back in Asia. It does pose a significant economic risk though, and a human health risk if they end up dwelling near human habitation (which they shouldn’t, I would think, unless you’ve got honeybee hives or feral colonies around). What we’re seeing is two non-natives battling it out - two species that should not be in North America at all. I do hope that we are able to stop this invasion in its tracks, but I also really hope it makes us reconsider the flaws in our agricultural system.

[mackinmacki]

In My Neck of the Woods

Rating: K+

Word Count: 4886

Summary: Ruby thinks it's a good idea to take Weiss camping with herself, Yang, and Blake. She was mistaken.

Pairing: White Rose

Notes: This is day one of White Rose Week. First prompt: First.

Link: (FFN) | (AO3)

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"Aren't you excited?" Ruby bounced up and down in her seat, grinning from ear to ear. She was clearly excited. Weiss, who was sitting still with her arms crossed, didn't seem to be sharing her enthusiasm. "C'mon Weiss, it's your first time camping! You could at least be a little bit excited." Weiss sighed, slowly unfolding her arms. She loved Ruby to death, but sometimes she could really oversell the situation. This was a prime example.

"I've told you already that I've been camping before. My family took me several times when I was younger." Admittedly, it had been nearly a decade since she'd last gone camping, but that didn't mean she'd never gone. Saying she was a complete novice was certainly overreaching. Just because it had been awhile since her last venture into the woods didn't mean she needed to be as hyperactive about it as Ruby was. It wasn't even that fun for her back then, honestly. She had only agreed to go because it made Ruby happy. Ugh, she could hear Yang making a 'whipping' sound in her mind right now.

"Weiss, that was glamping, not camping." Blake spoke up from behind the wheel, a hand on Yang's knee as she drove the four of them to the campgrounds. "Your family took you to the woods, yes, but you were in a fully-stocked portable home with air conditioning and beds. That's like saying living in a house next to the woods is camping. You've never actually experienced the wilderness in your entire life." Between Ruby's high-pitched excitement and Weiss's stubborn attitude, she was already starting to get a headache. She'd known what she was getting into when she'd agreed to do this, though. There was no one to blame but herself.

"That's not a real word, Blake. Besides, that is camping! What else would you call sleeping out in the woods, staring at the stars through the visor in the ceiling? Don't be ridiculous." She paused when she heard Yang laughing, turning her indignant attention to the passenger seat. "And just what is so funny?" Now Ruby was laughing, and she couldn't figure out which of the two sisters she should be glaring at. How could they sit there and make fun of her camping experiences? She hadn't expected them to be so elitist.

"You can't be serious, Weiss. That's not camping!" Yang could barely get the words out because she was laughing so hard. Weiss puffed out her cheeks, which made Ruby poke them with a giggle. "Real camping involves staying in a tent with a sleeping bag, not a comfy bed. You sit around a fire and roast marshmallows, telling ghost stories and watching the stars from above the treetops. Sounds nothing like what your family did, right?" Hearing Yang's words made Weiss's face fall. Her eyes slowly widened as she stared at her in increasing horror.

"What... That's camping?" She gaped at Yang, then turned towards Ruby so fast her neck cracked. "Tell me she's lying." Ruby just shook her head, smiling sheepishly. "Are you serious?! We're going to be spending the weekend in a tiny tent like homeless people?!" Yang busted out laughing again while Blake glared at her through the rearview mirror. "Why didn't you tell me this was what you meant, Ruby?!"

"I thought you knew what I meant!" Ruby had known that Weiss's camping experience wasn't exactly typical, but that was why she'd been saying it was Weiss's first time camping. Her first real camping trip. She'd had no idea that Weiss didn't know that was atypical. It'd just seemed obvious. Everyone knew what camping was, right? Apparently not, as it turned out. "It's okay, though. It'll be fun! A weekend in the woods with your best friends!" She spread her arms as wide as she could in the car, smiling brightly. "What do you think about that?"

"I think I'm going to die." Weiss groaned and laid her head back against the seat. She should've known something was wrong when Ruby was packing sleeping bags for them. It should've raised some sort of an alarm, but she'd stopped questioning her partner's eccentricities awhile ago. That would turn out to be costly this time. She closed her eyes and tried to astral project herself somewhere with an actual roof. A weekend in the woods with all sorts of insects ready to take bites out of her skin, woodland creatures wanting to do more than that, and worse of all: Blake and Yang, who'd proven that they couldn't keep their hands off each other for more than five minutes. This was going to be hell.

When they got to the campsite, Blake parked the car and everyone started getting to work. Ruby and Yang pulled out the tents and started to nail them down to the ground. Blake got their supply of food and drinks out of the trunk and started hauling it over near where they were going to start a fire that night. As for Weiss, she hovered around Ruby and asked a variety of paranoid, ridiculous questions.

"What are we supposed to do if we get attacked by a bear? Did you bring enough bug spray for the entire weekend? What about sunscreen? Are there snakes in these woods? There's no Wi-Fi and I can't check which snakes are venomous. Where are we supposed to use the restroom? You don't expect me to go in the woods like some kind of a barbarian, do you?" Ruby exhaled deeply, hammering in a pike with a look of increased annoyance. Across from her, Yang was shaking so hard from keeping her laughter in, the tent kept threatening to come down when she held it. She loved her partner, though. She really, really did. That didn't make her any easier to deal with when she was like this, though. 'This' being so very... Weiss-like.

"There are no bears. We have enough bug spray. We have sunscreen too. There are no snakes either, so you don't have to check how poisonous they are-" "Venomous," Weiss quickly chipped in. Ruby chose to ignore that. "And no, I don't expect you to pee in the forest. There's an outhouse near here that we can use." For once, she didn't put any excitement into her answers. Normally she was happy to answer any questions Weiss had, but being bombarded by all those questions at once, along with her generally sour attitude for most of the ride there, had worn down Ruby's normally chipper mood. She figured that had answered everything properly, but she was incorrect.

"What did you say?" Ruby just turned and stared at her, unsure of what she'd said that Weiss was referring too. She'd answered what felt like a dozen questions without pause. "An outhouse? You expect me to go to the bathroom in an outhouse?" She was visibly shaking in distress. Weiss hated public restrooms. They were usually not taken care of well, and the thought of walking into one with coarse graffiti and shredded paper towels everywhere made her gag. An outhouse was even worse, though. It was the most public of public restrooms. Absolutely disgusting. She might as well use the woods for all the good it would do her!

"Sorry, I forgot to pack a toilet for us to use."

"The joke is not appreciated." Weiss huffed and stormed over to Blake, who had hoped that if she'd been quiet enough, she'd be able to avoid Hurricane Schnee. Nobody was safe from that unnatural disaster, though. "Blake, give me the keys. I'm driving home right now. This is ridiculous." Blake sighed and dropped down onto a large log that was next to their fire pit. She'd tried to tell Ruby that bringing Weiss outdoors was a bad idea. She'd even floated the idea of bringing Winter instead, since she was like a bigger Weiss. That kind of counted. Ruby was adamant that Weiss come with them, though, even after being warned that something like this would happen. She just had to go and fall in love with the ice queen, didn't she?

"Fine, fine." She put her hands in her pockets, feeling the keys in there. However, when her hands came out, they were empty. She knew this was probably going to bite her in the butt eventually, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. "Uh, they're not here."

"What?" Weiss stepped closer, hands on her hips as she glared at Blake. "This is no time for games, Blake. Give me the keys now."

"I don't have them, Weiss!" She did her best to sell the lie, looking a bit freaked out as she made a scene out of patting down her pants. "I must've dropped them somewhere." That did it. The annoyance on Weiss's face was quickly replaced by panic at the realization that their only way home was now lost somewhere. She whirled around and ran to the car, tugging on the handle of the front door. It was locked, though, and wouldn't give way to her. Not that she could do anything if it had. She didn't know how to hotwire a car.

"Get over here and help me!" She yelled at all three of them, dropping down to her knees in desperation to see if the keys had fallen beneath the car. Then she started crawling through the grass, trying to find a hint of silver or black that would reveal them to her. When she looked up, nobody had moved from their positions, which only frustrated her further. "Why are you just sitting there?! We're going to be stranded here forever! Girls!" Finally, after finishing setting up their first tent, Ruby stood up and headed over to her distressed snowflake.

"Please don't rile her up, Blake. I'm the one who has to calm her down," Ruby muttered as she passed by Blake, heading over to the car. She went down on her knees and started massaging Weiss's shoulders, whispering calming words in her ear. Eventually she was able to get Weiss back on her feet and over to the tent, an arm over her shoulder to keep her close. As they passed by Blake, Weiss stuck her tongue out at her. So Ruby told her the truth, then. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Ruby was actually able to corral Weiss into helping her set up the other tent, though she grumbled about it the entire time. It sort of made Ruby regret asking her to help, and that was compounded when she looked up and saw Blake and Yang making out by the fire pit. She really needed to remember to have those two separated whenever they were setting things up. Seeing Blake's tongue down her sister's throat wasn't her idea of a fun camping adventure.

When everything was finally set up, the four of them ventured into the woods for a nice, relaxing hike. They were going to appreciate nature, then bring back some firewood to light up that night. It was as relaxing a walk as possible when one of the participants was Weiss. She was as jittery as a caffeine addict, jumping backwards at any sudden movement. Whether it was something rustling in the bushes or an insect that had flown near her, Weiss clearly wasn't doing much appreciating of her surroundings. When she wasn't yelping like someone was attacking her, she spent a good deal of time complaining about anything and everything.

"I wish we had something to gag her with..." Blake muttered to Yang, getting close to ripping off her own ears. Weiss acted like they were keeping her there against her will. It wasn't their fault she had a warped view of what camping was.

"We could use my underwear-" Yang started, only to get cut off by Blake's 'It's time to stop' look. "Okay, okay, we can use your underwear." Blake just sighed. Sometimes...

Ruby, meanwhile, wasn't feeling so frustrated anymore. In fact, she felt a little guilty. She could tell that Weiss was struggling, and this was the only way she knew how to react to the situation. Instead of trying to force her to enjoy it like she did, or become extra chipper to try and drown out her pessimism, she just took Weiss's hand and held it tightly. She pulled Weiss close to her and walked in lockstep with her, falling a couple paces behind Blake and Yang so she could have Weiss to herself for a bit. Sort of.

"Hey, it's okay, Weiss. Nothing's going to happen to us out here." She made circles on the back of Weiss's hand with a finger, smiling reassuringly at her. "Dad took Yang and I camping plenty of times, and nothing bad ever happened to us. Besides, if there is any wildlife out here, I'll protect you from it." She giggled as Weiss rolled her eyes.

"I doubt you can do anything to protect me from bears, Ruby." Though she was still nervous about walking around in the forest like this, she felt a bit calmer with Ruby's warmth next to her. For whatever reason, Ruby had the ability to calm her down when nothing else could. It was one of the reasons she'd began to trust her when she refused to extend that courtesy to others. They weren't like Ruby: they couldn't even hope to get close. She was just special like that. "Are you sure we're not going to get lost in here?"

"Yup! Blake's got a compass and everything. She can point us back to camp." Blake gave a wave over her shoulder, acknowledging that she'd heard her name. That put Weiss further at ease, though she hadn't forgiven Blake yet for pulling that key prank on her. However, there wasn't too much to get mad about for the rest of their time in the forest. They were able to collect a good amount of firewood: mostly with Yang ripping branches off of trees with her bare hands. There was enough wood for everyone to carry a handful back, which Weiss made sure to grumble about. It was 'work for the help' and all that.

They set the wood down by the pit and relaxed for awhile while the sun was still up. Yang had brought a deck of cards, and the four of them sat in a tent to play poker. There wasn't any betting made: it was just for fun and to pass the time. Yang did suggest betting something, but the other three unanimously rejected playing strip poker. Things were pretty calm for the next couple of hours, all in all. There wasn't anything for even Weiss to complain about, which was a relief for all parties involved.

When the sun started to go down, Yang loaded the fire pit up with wood and put some lighter fluid on it. Then she struck a match and tossed it in, quickly getting a good flame going. "Alright girls, let's get this cookout started!" She went for the cooler and grabbed out a packet of hot dogs, opening the packaging while Blake grabbed four skewers. Then she put a hot dog on each skewer and handed them around so everyone could cook their own. While everyone else took theirs without complaint, Weiss stared at hers as if she'd been handed an alien device.

"You want me to put this in the fire?" Weiss stared at it some more, then turned her attention to the fire. It crackled and burned at degrees completely unsafe for human skin. A small ember popped out and landed near her feet, making her squeal and fall backwards off the log. Yang proceeded to laugh her ass off while Ruby hurried over to help her back up. Of course, she was laughing too, so the gallant gesture wasn't as appreciated. Weiss 'hmpf'ed and folded her arms. "I'll just eat it cold, then."

"I'm pretty sure you'll get salmonella or something." Ruby gently grabbed the skewer and pushed it away from Weiss's face. "Just put it in the fire for as long as I do, and take it out when I do. It'll be cooked to perfection." She gave Weiss a thumbs up, but only got a sour frown in return. Seeing her eyes glance towards the fire, she put two and two together. She leaned in and whispered, "The fire's not gonna hurt you, Weiss. You'll be okay."

"Hmpf." She didn't answer Ruby, but she did hold out her skewer and glanced over towards her partner. "Well?" Smiling, Ruby plopped down next to her and stuck her hot dog in the fire, with Weiss following suit. Both Blake and Yang sat down on the opposite log and did the same, and the four of them just waited for their food to be cooked. The entire time, Weiss had her eyes on Ruby, her hand twitching every time Ruby moved. Finally, she pulled out her hot dog, and Weiss yanked hers out right after her.

On the other side, Yang handed her skewer over to Blake so she could grab everyone drinks while the food cooled down. She and Blake had a beer, while Ruby had a soda and Weiss had water. Originally she'd asked for wine, but Yang claimed that it wasn't very 'camping friendly', whatever that meant. She would just stick with water, then. With their drinks, they also got buns for their hot dogs once they were cool enough to grab.

"Ooh, the sun's finally gone down!" Yang exclaimed happily, chomping down on the remainder of her hot dog. Well, her second hot dog, but who was counting? The four of them had been eating and chatting amicably as the sun set on them, but now the dark had finally spread into the woods. "It's time for ghost stories!" She clapped her hands together, excitedly looking around the campfire. Ruby was the only one who appeared to be excited. Blake usually didn't tip her hand when it came to her emotions, and Weiss just looked thoroughly uninterested. That just meant she needed to come up with something super scary to freak her out.

"Did you know this forest is actually haunted?" She grinned as she looked around the campfire, the fire casting her face in an eerie orange glow. "I chose this place exactly for that reason. They say that a group of guys drove by this campground in the winter time. It was cold, and the forest was blanketed in snow. Their car ran into a snowbank, but it would've been easy to push it out. They were more than capable." She halted her story, changing out her grin for a more somber, serious expression. "However, they didn't. Something compelled them to abandon their car and venture into the cold, unforgiving forest."

"They wandered in the woods for so long that two of them ended up falling to the ground from exhaustion and perished where they fell. The other three luckily found a cabin to stay in, and if we went deeper into the woods, we could even find it ourselves. This was only delaying the inevitable, though." Blake was already curled up next to Yang, taking in the spooky story pensively. Ruby actually appeared frightened by the story, leaning forward with her hands on her knees and taking in every word. Weiss found it hard to believe that anyone would actually be scared by something like this, but Ruby had helped her with her own forest troubles...

"They stayed in that cabin for months, but no matter how long they waited, nobody was coming to help. All the snow made it too difficult to get through the forest." Weiss reached over and took Ruby's hand, squeezing it tightly. Ruby looked over at her in surprise, then smiled and leaned against her side. It embarrassed Weiss somewhat, but she would allow it for tonight. "Eventually, one of them died on the lone bed, wrapped up in enough blankets that it was like he had turned into a cocoon."

"The other two set out on foot, but it wouldn't be long before one of them died. They found his bones just outside the cabin, along with an extra pair of shoes. The two who had died in the forest, and the dead guy in the cabin? They eventually found all their bones when the Spring thawed out the snow. The fifth guy, though? They never found him. No body, no bones, no nothing. He walked out of that cabin and disappeared, never to be seen again... except some campers still say they can hear his voice on the wind on some long, lonely nights. They even say they can hear his footsteps coming closer to their tents. Closer, closer... Until it vanishes into the dark. He still haunts these woods today, and he's not the only one..." She stopped talking, tilting her head as if listening for something. "Can you hear that? I think I hear something."

"No, I can't hear anything." Weiss bit down on her lip as Ruby clung onto her arm, squeezing the life out of it. "C'mon Ruby, let go! There's nothing out there!" She looked over at Yang with disapproval, then realized something was missing. Or rather, someone was missing. "Wait, where's Blake?" Yang just grinned at her, but said nothing more. "What the hell? Yang, where the hell is Blake-"

"Boo." A voice came from right next to her ear, making her scream and jump off of the log. She flew up and tripped over her own feet, screaming again as she fell backwards into the grass. Ruby, who had just been in the process of relinquishing Weiss's arm, squealed as she fell face-first into the grass. Groaning, Weiss jolted up, only to find that the 'ghostly presence' was none other than Blake. Yang, who had held back her laughter the entire time Blake had 'disappeared', couldn't contain herself anymore. She fell off the log and rolled around on the grass, laughing so hard that she could barely breathe.

"Oh man, you should've seen your face! I thought you were gonna jump right outta your skin!" She howled with laughter while a mortified Weiss glared poison-tipped daggers at her. Her words were garbled a bit with how hard she was laughing, but the intent was clear. "I think I'm gonna die! Oh man, I can't breathe! Blaaake, that was beautiful! Help me!" She laughed and laughed while Blake trotted over to save her girlfriend from a laughter-based paralysis. Weiss considered pushing her into the fire, but she wasn't sure she could get away with that one.

"That was a good one, Yang! You really got us!" Ruby pushed herself up from the grass, laughing as well. Weiss turned and gaped at her, unable to believe that she was laughing after that little stunt those two pulled. That didn't seem to matter to her, though. Her eyes shined with determination to one up Yang's ghost story with one of her own. That was... one way to look at it. When she was focused on something, you could either walk next to her or get out of the way. She decided her best course of action was to sit back down next to her and pretend that she hadn't been scared out of her wits.

Ruby sat there for five minutes trying to come up with the perfect ghost story while Weiss held her hand and wished she could use her phone with the other. Someone needed to get wi-fi out in the forest. This was the current year, after all. Eventually Ruby came up with a story that wasn't half bad. At least, Weiss thought so. She sat there impassive throughout, however, refusing to be spooked again. Blake then told her own, but Weiss refused to budge. She even kept her eyes on all three of them, in case they tried to get up and pull a fast one over her.

"Alright Weiss, it's your turn!" Ruby patted her knee and smiled brightly, excited for whatever story Weiss was going to come up with. If she was expecting something great, however, then she was going to end up disappointed. Coming up with scary stories wasn't Weiss's forte. She wasn't really big on horror in general, honestly. Especially not with a heavy reliance on jump scares, Blake.

"Once, there was a couple who were very mean to an innocent girl. The innocent girl then left them in the woods to be eaten by bears. The end."

"That wasn't very scary." Ruby pouted, poking Weiss's arm. "And it wasn't long either!"

"It was honestly more like a fairytale," Blake chimed in. "With the 'Once' start and all."

"Scary Story Time is canceled."

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After things had all wound down, Yang doused the fire and the four of them retired to their tents for the night. Blake and Yang were in one, while Ruby and Weiss were in the other. Weiss had considered bringing earplugs so she could sleep through any shenanigans those two were certainly going to get up to. However, impairing her hearing when there could be wildlife crawling through the forest to maul her alive made her want to have all her sensory faculties intact. She just had to hope that if a bear happened to find them, it would be attracted to the noise those two were making and she could make her escape.

Both her and Ruby had their own sleeping bags, but that wasn't acceptable to Ruby. She suggested they put them together and unzip them from opposite sides, so that it'd be like they had one big sleeping bag. Weiss acquiesced, because it was Ruby and she hadn't yet figured out how to follow through on 'no' most of the time when it came to her. She could say no all the live-long day, but when Ruby gave her those puppy-dog eyes, she'd crumble like a house of cards. She had a power over her that no one else could dare dream of.

"This was a nice day. Good food, good stories, good company." She rolled over to kiss Weiss's cheek, smiling at the blush she knew would be there, though it was too dark to see for sure. "I know you thought camping was something else, but I'm glad you stuck it out with us. Even though you did try to take the keys and drive off without us." She laughed and wrapped her arms around Weiss, pulling herself as close as she could beneath the dual sleeping bags.

"I would've come back for you. Once the trip was over." Weiss rolled her eyes, but she didn't try to push Ruby away. She'd gotten too used to her body warmth. Whenever she had to sleep alone, she could feel that something was missing. Now she found it unacceptable if she had to fall asleep without Ruby by her side. Not that she had admitted that in as many words. "It wasn't that bad, though. I mean, besides the bugs, and the scary stories, and having to be outside all the time."

"So the only thing bad about camping is camping, huh?"

"Yes, exactly." That sounded like Weiss, alright. Ruby giggled, continuing to snuggle up with Weiss. She could feel Weiss moving in her arms, which turned out to be so she could hold her as well. That made her smile brightly, happily squeezing her partner. Weiss's skin was always so cool to the touch, which was nice when they were out in the humidity of a spring forest. It was like having a bit of air conditioning she could always take with her. Feeling very content at the moment, she searched out Weiss's lips in the dark, pressing her own against them.

Weiss was more than happy to reciprocate that kiss. She held onto Ruby and closed her eyes, even if there wasn't much she could see with them open anyway. Maybe staying out in the wilderness wasn't where she thrived, but in that moment, it didn't matter. Because to her, wherever Ruby was was where she belonged. That was completely cheesy and undoubtedly cliche, which is why she wouldn't say it out loud. Well, that and it embarrassed her to even think of it. That didn't make it any less true, though. Maybe she'd put it in her vows if and when they got married. That'd be nice.

"I love you, Ruby." She could at least say that. It wasn't hard for her to express those particular feelings anymore. They weren't sleeping in a comfortable bed together, but they were together, and that was what mattered. Maybe not to her back when she would inevitably wake up with it all out of wack, but to her heart it would.

"I love you too! See, I knew this trip would be good, and now you can say you've gone camping for real for the first time!" She nestled her head against Weiss's chest and sighed contently. "The next two days are going to be just as good. I can feel it!" Oh yeah, they were going to be camping all weekend. Well, in that case...

"Pardon me, Ruby. I'm going to go get the keys from Blake."

[day--six]

From Luck // Pt. 4

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 Word Count: 2.2k Genre: Hogwarts au, fluff Member: Jae Summary: The Triwizard Tournament really only seems to be making your life harder, but in the best way possible.

                                 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Getting use to Jae being one of the most popular students at Hogwarts was hard. Everyone knew his name and face and he was constantly being talked about. People were even going as far as to come up to you and Jae’s other close friends to get to know more about the Hogwarts champion. You’d even had students from other school’s ask you about him. All eyes were on him, which also meant that when you were with him, all eyes were on you too. You were now known as “the Hogwarts champion’s friend,” and while that wasn’t exactly bad, it was just way more attention then you were looking for. Jae seemed to be eating up the attention, and the other boys were already use to some extent of attention since people were always fawning over them.

“I feel like we won’t be able to keep studying in the library, Dowoon.” You whispered after the sixth student had come to ask you a question about Jae.

“Yah, this is crazy. Why are they not just asking Jae these questions themselves? I still have exams to study for!” Dowoon whispered back. “It’s not any better in my common room honestly. You’d think at least the people in the same house as him wouldn’t be nervous to talk to Jae himself.”

“Yah, Sungjin and I are getting bombarded with questions in our common room. No place is safe anymore.” You giggled, earning a couple glances from students studying nearby.

“Maybe it’ll calm down after a while.” Dowoon said.

“I seriously hope so. When’s the first task again?” you questioned.

“In about three weeks, I think.” Dowoon answered. You rubbed your temples, a small bubble of stress rising up in you.

“I can’t believe they don’t give even a little hint for the first task.”

“It is the Triwizard Tournament. Nothing is meant to be easy.” Dowoon pointed out. You let out a small sigh and tried to go back to your work. Studying with Dowoon lasted about thirty more minutes before Wonpil walked into the library looking for the two of you. Wonpil slipped into the chair next to you and leaned towards you.

“Do you guys want to sneak out and go to Hogsmeade tonight?” he whispered, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“What? Is everyone going?” you questioned, earning a nod from Wonpil. “Is it really smart for Jae to do that? Literally all eyes are on him right now.” You pointed out.

“Whatever, no one will be wondering where he is at night anyways. Everyone will be asleep.” Dowoon stated.

“We never had a real celebration for Jae anyways. You have to come (y/n), everyone else is going to be there.” Wonpil whined.

“Fine. Are we going to the three broomsticks? I could go for a nice warm butterbeer.” You said, mouth already watering at the thought of the sweet drink.

“Of course.” Wonpil replied, “we’ll meet just inside the passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor.”

“Sounds good!” you said, Dowoon only nodding his head.

“See you guys in a few hours then.” Wonpil declared with a smile before leaving the library just as quickly as he had come.

“I swear we’re gonna get busted and get in so much trouble because ‘the champion for Hogwarts can’t be behaving this way and his friends should know better than this’ or something like that.” You mumbled rolling your eyes. Dowoon only chuckled a little, knowing full well that was very likely.

Once you got back to your dorm you confirmed with Sungjin on a time to meet in the common room so the two of you could walk to the fourth floor together. You laid in bed and read one of your muggle books for an hour or two before getting back up and bundling yourself in your robe and scarf since it was starting to get close to freezing during the nights. When you got to the common room Sungjin was already waiting for you on one of the warm red sofas’ in front of the fire. Upon seeing you Sungjin stood up and without a word the two of you slipped out of the common room and into the dark hallways. By the time the two of you had gotten behind the mirror Brian and Wonpil were already there and waiting. All that was left was for Jae and Dowoon to show up. The four of you chatted about your days while waiting, the blue light coming from the tips of your wand the only light to fill the dark passage. After what seemed like hours Jae and Dowoon finally slipped into the hidden passage, apologizing about being late. Apparently, someone was still up in the Slytherin common room and stopped to talk with Jae for literally ever.

The six of you finally headed towards Hogsmeade, carefully picking your way through the narrow passageway. Jae ended up walking beside you the whole way, his shoulders brushing up against you every now and then when the passage got a little narrow. The two of you didn’t say much, but each other’s presence didn’t go unnoticed for sure. You listened as Brian talked about the Durmstrang students doing a practice match against his house and how much different it was compared to playing with the other houses. Apparently, there was going to be a quidditch tournament going on as well for students in the down time when the tasks weren’t taking place. Apparently enough students had complained that there was no reason to cancel quidditch for the tournaments, and McGonagall went as far as to invite the other schools into a tournament. Brian was beyond excited about the tournament. You couldn’t help what Jae was feeling. Would he rather do the quidditch tournament or the Triwizard tournament? He loved quidditch just as much as Brian. You glanced over at Jae to see if you could tell what he was thinking, but he was impossible to read.

Once you arrived at the Three Broomsticks, you got a couple looks from the workers who knew you shouldn’t be there, but they didn’t say anything. As long as everyone paid they didn’t care enough to tell you off. You slipped into the chair in between Sungjin and Brian, and Jae took the seat across from you in between Dowoon and Wonpil. After you had placed your order you were glad you had decided to come. Their food really hit the spot for a late-night meal. You wrapped your hands around your warm mug of butterbeer and laughed along with everyone else. It was nice to be off campus were no one paid attention to you and the others. It was like being back to normal and it was blissful. Everyone laughed and joked around without a care or worry in the world. The tournament hadn’t even crossed your mind until towards the evening Sungjin asked Jae if he had made any progress on finding out what the first task was.

“Not really…” Jae said, running his fingers through his hair exasperatedly. “I don’t even know where to begin and try and find something.”

“Will keep an eye out for you too.” You said, attempting to keep Jae from getting panicked.

“Yah! You’ve got five extra pairs of eyes and ears, we’ll figure it out before its time, I’m sure.” Wonpil agreed, everyone else nodding to confirm what Wonpil had said. Jae smiled a little.

“You guys are the best.”

After you guys had definitely spent way to long at the three broomsticks, you finally decided to head back to the school. You quietly said your good nights to everyone then parted, each person heading in the direction of their dorm. You walked alongside Sungjin in quiet, holding your breath as you turned each corner, worried someone would be waiting there. Sungjin seemed unbothered. He either knew he could get out of it because he himself is a prefect, or knew the routines people take. You weren’t exactly sure but you had to remind yourself if Sungjin is calm about this, then you could be calm as well. At breakfast the next day you found out that Jae and Dowoon had been caught by a prefect just as they were entering the dungeons to get to their dorm. Thankfully the prefect had been a fellow Slytherin and had let them off the hook since Jae “was the Hogwarts champion after all.” Dowoon let out a loud laugh as he retold the story, Jae grinning as the group found out his new-found power.

“That can only last so long.” Sungjin pointed out.

“Such a spoilsport…” Brian said with a slight pout, making your giggle a little.

“Enjoy it while it lasts, Jae.” You said.

“I’m going to make you come everywhere with me from now on so if I ever run into a prefect you’re there to get me out.” Wonpil laughed.

“Ha ha,” Jae fake laughed, “looks like I’m just a tool now.” The six of you laughed over your bowls of Pixie Puffs and Cherri Owls.

Classes started all to soon for your liking. You trudged through the day, finishing one class after another. Your last class of the day was Transfigurations. As much as you loved Headmistress McGonagall, having her as a professor was a little scary. Thankfully you excelled at transfigurations and almost always got it right on the first or second try. Even with all that talent and ease, the class still seemed to drag on. And to make it worse McGonagall asked you right as the class was getting out if you could quickly go run a box of materials up to her office. She often had you do this after her class, so she could step out in the hallways while the classes were changing to make sure everything was going smoothly. Usually it didn’t bother you but oh did you just want to go lay in your bed and take a nap before dinner. Forget about studying. You just needed to nap!

You huffed as you made your way to gargoyle standing at the base of the entrance. You muttered the password McGonagall had told you and the gargoyle stepped to the side, revealing the staircase up to the office. You made the hike up the stairs, the box slowly getting heavier with each step. You finally made it to the top and had to stop at the top of the stairs to catch your breath. Floating out of the office and into the hallway where you stood came voices. Voices you weren’t very familiar with.

“I agree that the escape room should be set up that way. If we do it like that, then onlookers can see both the activities on the ground in the air.” The voice said. Your heart was suddenly pounding in your ears. Did you just hear what the first task was? Was it some sort of magical escape room? What were you supposed to do now though? You can’t let them know you had heard them. You decided the best plan of action was to go halfway back down the stairs and drop the box to let them know you were coming.

“Merlin’s beard!” you exclaimed as you purposely let the box of small goblets plop down on the floor, clattering together in the box. You slowly bent down and picked the box back up before re-climbing the stairs. This time there was complete silence. You slowly walked around the corner and through the door to find the Ministry of Magic guy from the choosing and a professor or two standing in McGonagall’s office. They looked at you with questioning expressions.

“Uh…Professor McGonagall asked me to bring these up after class.” You explained as you set the box down in the corner of the room.

“I see.” The Minister guy said, “And do you know when she may be coming up here?”

“Probably within the next ten minutes. She likes to watch in the hallways to make sure everything is okay. I’m sure she’ll be coming up soon.” You said, trying to slowly inch towards the door.

“Be careful on those stairs, sounds like you had some troubles.”

“Yah,” you fake laughed, “I’m a little clumsy.” The representative gave you a weak smile and you took the silence as a chance to escape. Oh, god bless McGonagall for sending you to do that. You couldn’t wait to tell Jae.

Once dinner finally rolled around you ran over towards the Slytherin table before the professors had shown up yet.

“Jae! I have to tell you something after dinner. Boathouse or kitchen?” you asked.

“Kitchen.” Jae declared.

“Make sure you come alone.” You said quietly. You earned a couple of looks from the Slytherins and Jae got a couple of smirks and pats on the back, making him turn a deep shade of red.

“It’s not like that!” you heard him exclaim as you walked away, the heat rising up to your cheeks as well. Whatever, you couldn’t wait to tell Jae. An escape room? And a magical one on top of that? That’s insane, you couldn’t wait to witness it but at the same time, damn where you worried for Jae. What on earth could be in store for him?

Next please like/reblog if you read!

[kittysukagasterfics]

Birthday Wishes

Note: Thank you everyone for the notes on the last fic. Seeing that makes me feel really motivated to keep writing them! Anyways, onto the fic!

Handplates belongs to @zarla-s

Requested by Anonymous

Summary: It’s the Human’s birthday! They’re very excited to celebrate it with the brothers and Gaster. While the brothers are estatic about celebrating, Gaster is a bit reluctant. Can the Human get him into the birthday spirit?

     The Human stared at their make-shift calendar in pure excitement. Down in the cells, it was difficult at times to tell night from day sometimes but even they knew what day it was today. It was their birthday! They were already in the process of making party hats for the brothers. They also considered asking Gaster to get them a cake, but knowing him, they’d probably be better off making it themselves in the kitchen if he allowed them to. The Human didn’t really mind if Gaster or the brothers didn’t get them anything seeing as they would only telling them today. Today was looking up to be a promising one!

     They were so caught up in their thoughts that the Human didn’t realize that the brothers had awoken. Subject 1 was the first to notice what they were doing. He looked a little confused and so did Subject 2 when he noticed as well.

    “what are they doing, bro?”

    “I’M NOT SURE. I’LL ASK THEM!”

     Walking over to the Human, Subject 2 could see that they were making some sort of shape with the colored paper and taping it down. After watching the Human for a bit, he decided to ask them what they were up to.

    “WHAT ARE YOU MAKING, HUMAN?”

    “*You tell him you’re making something for him and his brother.”

    “WOW, REALLY? BROTHER, THEY’RE MAKING US SOMETHING!”

    “oh! what is it? what is it?”

     The brothers continued to bombard the Human with questions, which they didn’t answer until they finally finished. Satisfied with their arts-and-crafts, the Human put the hats on top of the brothers’ heads, the hats staying on surprisingly well. The brothers look really interested in their new head accessories.

    “WOWIE! THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT, HUMAN! DO WE LOOK GOOD IN THEM?”

    “*You tell him that they both look adorable.” ‘*They seemed pleased.'

    “what are these things?”

    “*You explain that it’s a party hat.” ‘*You have their full attention now.'

    “PARTY HAT? SO IT’S ONLY WORN WHEN THERE’S A PARTY?”

    “what’s a party?”

    “*You explain that parties are held to celebrate something and that you’re celebrating your birthday with them.” ‘*Now they’re really interested.'

    “WHAT’S A BIRTHDAY? IS IT A TEST?”

     Before the Human could say anything else, Gaster appeared in front of the cell. He was currently writing something on his clipboard, not paying attention to the Subjects or the Human.

    “Alright, I need all of you to eat quickly because we have a lot to do today and-”

     Gaster continued to ramble on and on about the schedule before finally looking up, noticing that none of them were even listening to him. The brothers seemed really interested in whatever the Human was going on about. They also had some sort of hat on their heads, no doubt also the work of the Human. Clearing his throat, he gave them all a stern look.

    “Human, what are you and the Subjects up to? And don’t even think about not telling me or lying, either...”

    “*You ask Gaster if he can get you a cake.”

    “What? No, Human, I’m not getting you a cake and why do you even want one, anyway?”

    “*You enthusiastically tell Gaster it’s your birthday.” ‘*He doesn’t know what to make this statement.’

    “Well, happy birthday, Human, but I’m still not getting you a cake.”

    “*You ask him if you can make one yourself, then.”

     And that’s how Gaster got roped into celebrating the Human’s birthday. He left the Subjects in the cells and told them that they were to stay in there until he came and got them. Gaster chose to supervise the Human in kitchen just to make sure nothing caught on fire or exploded. Luckily, nothing ever did catch on fire or exploded, but the Human did make a complete mess. There were dirty bowls used for different ingredients everywhere and some even spilled out onto the counters and floor. He and the Human were also covered head to toe with flour. Gaster sighed as he thought about the time being wasted on just cleaning up the kitchen.

     He had to admit that the Human wasn’t that bad of a cook, though. Despite the messiness of the room, the kitchen was filled with the scent of freshly baked Angel Food cake and sugary frosting. Gaster was surprised when the Human decided to make their own frosting from scratch instead of using the store-bought frosting he already had. He wondered if they knew how to cook other things as well. 

     Finally, the cake was placed into the oven to be baked. The Human turned a timer on to go off in 45 minutes. Leaning against the counter, they gave a quiet sigh of content. Gaster stood there with his back against the wall and arms crossed. The room turned silent, the only noise being made by the ticks of the timer before he decided to break the silence.

    “Human, you do realize you made the kitchen very messy, right?”

    “*You jokingly tell him it’s not messy.” ‘*He’s not very amused by your joke...'

    “Clean this kitchen up immediately, Human.”

     The Human wasted no time getting started on cleaning the kitchen. Gaster went off to clean the flour off of his clothes. The Human grabbed all the dirty dishes and carried them to the sink to be washed. It took a while, but they finally had the dishes washed, dried, and put away. They then began to work on the counters and floor when they felt someone pull them back, scrubbing their face a bit roughly with what felt a washcloth. They struggled as Gaster continued to scrub the flour from their face, hair, and neck.

    “Human, hold still. You’re not going to be tracking flour all over the Lab. You also need to go wash off in the bathroom.”

    “*You ask Gaster to be more gentle, but he’s too busy lecturing you to hear.”

     Gaster finished with the rough washing and ushered the Human towards the bathroom to clean themselves off.

    “The bathroom is right down there. Just please don’t make a mess in there as well...”

     They gave a soft giggle as they walked down the hall towards the bathroom. Entering the bathroom, they walked up to the sink and washed off all the flour they could without getting their clothes wet and having to 'borrow’ one of Gaster’s sweaters. The Human finished freshening up and turned off the sink. They walked back to the kitchen to take the cake out of the oven, only to find Gaster had already taken it out and was about to cutting a slice out...without the Human even getting to decorate it.

     Quickly grabbing a wooden spoon off the counter, they gently smacked him on the wrist. He jumped away slightly in surprise before turning to look at the Human.

    “And may I ask what that was for?”

    “*>:T”

    “Don’t give me that look, Human.”

    “*You scold him by saying that’s he’s not allowed to eat any cake before you decorate it.” '*He gives you a long stare.'

    “Since when did you have any sort of authority to tell me what to do?”

    “*You tell him since he gave you permission to his kitchen.”

    “...Touche, Human. In that case, I’m going to check on the Subjects.”

    And with that, Gaster left the room allowing the Human to safely decorate the cake in peace.They first coated the cake with the sugar frosting, spreading it out over it. After that, they put the remaining frosting into a smaller bowl and mixed in some yellow food dye and mixed it together. Using a rubber spatula, the Human scooped the colored frosting into a pastry bag and began to make cute flower designs on top of the cake. No need to make anything fancy. 

     Satisfied with the designs, the Human picked up the cake and carried it to the testing room where Gaster and the brothers were waiting for them. They had already asked him to bring plates and a knife to cut the cake with since he didn’t trust them handling sharp objects when he’s not around. They entered the room to find the brothers chattering excitedly with Gaster trying to calm them down. When they spotted the Human, however, that only made them more excited. Cutting two pieces from the cake, they gave the brothers one piece each. They immediately began eating the cake.

    “Human, don’t give them too many sweets. I think one piece should be enough.”

    “how much cake can we have?”

    “*You start to say he can have as much as he wanted, but Gaster’s stern look makes you shut your mouth...”

    “The Human also thinks one piece as well.”

     The brothers found that answer somewhat acceptable and continued eating their cake. The Human cut a piece for themselves and Gaster, handing him his piece. He took it without saying a word. The Human ate their slice while humming softly with content. After they finished their piece, they started to cut themselves another slice of cake when a bony hand suddenly reached out and lightly smack their hand. The Human recoiled back in surprise, causing Gaster to give a small chuckle.

    “That was just payback from earlier, Human. Also, I think one piece is enough for you as well.”

    “*You start to protest but he cuts you off.”

    “By the way, the Subjects said they had something for you, I believe. Is that correct, you two?”

    “OH, YEA! YOU MENTIONED THAT GIFTS ARE USUALLY GIVEN ON BIRTHDAYS...”

    “yea! so, um, we got you something really special!”

     Subject 2 ran to the corner of the room where what seemed like an article of clothing laid. Picking it up, he hurried over to the Human and handed them their gift. Gaster quickly realized it was one of his sweaters. How on earth did they get it? He was about to snatch it from them but the Human had already swapped out their shirt for the sweater. The sweater was obviously way too big for them, with the sleeves riding past their hands. They seemed cozy and delighted to have it, though. Gaster will just have to remember to get it from them later.

    “*You thank the brothers for their gift.” '*They seem delighted.'

    “WE’RE GLAD YOU LIKE IT! ARE YOU PROUD OF US, HUMAN?”

    “yea, yea! are ya?”

    “*You tell them you are and pet their skulls.”

    “hehehe.”

     They would have petted them longer had Gaster not grabbed their attention by clearing his ‘throat’.

    “Human, I may not have an actual gift for you but, just for today, I will...allow you to sit with me. One condition is that you be on your best behavior, however.”

     He didn’t think he’d ever seen the Human this happy.

(Timeskip)

     Gaster sighed as he wrote up reports for Alphys. He had to stay up late just to make up half of today’s scheduled work. He looked down at the Human, who was fast asleep and resting their head on his shoulder. They were still wearing his sweater. For some reason, he didn’t feel the need to ask them to take it off. Maybe...today wasn’t a total waste.

    “Happy birthday, Human...”

Note: Thank you all for the wait while I wrote this fic. It was a lot of fun writing it as well! Thank you all for reading! Requests are always welcomed! Stay tuned for more.

[poor-baby-bangtan]

always, it’s you

By the third time Namjoon smothered a quiet belch into his sleeve, Yoongi was beyond ready to bombard him with questions. They had been lightly revising some lyrics together, showing each other a line here and there, talking and giving feedback. But the younger had been seemingly distant, shifting too-often in his seat and rubbing absentmindedly at his stomach. He was usually the more vocal of the two during these sessions, but now he was letting Yoongi fill most of the silence, only really giving responses when he felt it was due. Yoongi wasn't stupid. He had lived with Namjoon for over a third of his life and knew him better than he knew himself. He had noticed the difference almost immediately but chose not to say anything about it. He wanted to keep his dongsaeng's pride intact if at all possible - there was a very good chance that he had overeaten while working or had drunk too much coffee or something else he tended to do at an embarrassing rate but refused to admit to. But something else was different this time. Namjoon's stomach was always insanely vocal when he overate or consumed an entire pot of coffee on his own. Now, though, Yoongi could only hear occasional slow glugs that had the younger grimacing and rubbing at his stomach for a few seconds. Maybe he knew his dongsaeng a little too well. After a good twenty minutes, though, Yoongi was fed up with his stubborn silence. Namjoon's pride was going to have to suck it up. "Namjoon-ah," he deadpanned, breaking the silence between them and halting the sounds of the younger's pen tapping on a blank sheet of paper. Yoongi looked over at him, arching an eyebrow. "Are you okay?" Said man looked up from his desk, meeting his hyung's eyes with his own dazed ones. "Of course," he smiled tightly, obviously fidgeting underneath the sudden spotlight. Namjoon had always been a terrible liar. "Kim Namjoon," Yoongi scolded, watching the young rapper's first line of defenses crumble at the stern sound of his name. "I have lived with you for nearly nine years, I know when something's wrong with you. So sue me if I'm wrong, but your stomach's obviously giving you some issues. You keep rubbing it like it's personally offended you. So either you tell me what's wrong or I'll call Seokjin and have him interrogate you." Namjoon was slumped down in his seat by the end of it, head down in defeat and mild embarrassment. Yoongi thought it was kind of adorable, not that he would ever admit it. "I'm sorry, hyung," he sighed. "I should have told you earlier. I just didn't want to interrupt our work." "You know that I care about your health more than I do an hour's worth of work, right? Our schedule's light today, anyways, so it's not something you should be worrying about, Joon." Yoongi could feel his heart melt a bit when a light blush appeared on his dongsaeng's cheeks. "So what's wrong?" "My stomach," Namjoon admitted, rubbing at his middle. "It's been off since this morning but I thought it was because I had just woken up or something. I don't know." His stomach gurgled loudly and the younger froze, grimacing. "It's really not happy, whatever it is." "Did you eat anything weird?" Yoongi questioned, internally wincing in sympathy. Namjoon shook his head slowly. "I didn't yesterday and I haven't eaten anything today." Frowning, the older man reached over and felt his dongsaeng's forehead with his palm, frowning even deeper when he felt a little heat there. It wasn't a lot at all, but it was still enough for Yoongi. He took his hand back and stood from his seat, gathering up his coat. "We're going home." "What?" Namjoon sputtered. "It's really not bad, hyung, I don't need to leave." "You've got a fever, Joon. We don't have anything else today and I'm basically finished here anyway." The younger sighed and mumbled an affirmative, standing and shrugging on his own coat. He must have been feeling worse than Yoongi had first thought because of just how quickly he agreed to leave the studio. So he put an arm around Namjoon's shoulders and let him out the door, down the winding hallways, and out into the parking lot. He was glad they finally had their own cars and didn't have to use the same van to travel everywhere, meaning they could each leave when they needed to. The drive to the dorm was short, thankfully. Still, Yoongi went as slow on the turns and avoided bumps at all possible, noticing the way Namjoon continued to burp into his sleeve and how his throat worked around thick swallows. Thankfully, they made it back home without incident. The dorm was unnaturally quiet, suggesting that all the members were out working or doing their own thing. He could feel Namjoon's relief at that - he hated tons of attention at once because of how much it overwhelmed him. Once Yoongi had hung his bag on the doorside rack, he ushered Namjoon to bed. "Bed - right now, stop arguing. You need to rest, okay? I'll make you some tea. Go lie down." Although not very happy about it, Namjoon trudged down the hall and into his room, shutting the door softly behind him. Shaking his head fondly, Yoongi dug around in the cabinets and started a kettle, fishing out the peppermint lavender tea that Joon liked. The water was just starting to boil when he heard the door to the bedroom click open, followed by faint footsteps. Another door clicked open and shut; the hallway was silent afterward. "Joon-ah?" he called, turning away from the stove. "I told you to stay in bed." He was met with silence. "Are you okay?" Yoongi stuck his head over and looked down the hallway. Finally, he had gotten a response, although not the one he had expected. A quiet retch sounded from behind the bathroom door, followed by a series of choking coughs and a splash sound. Yoongi sighed, striding quickly over to the bathroom and going in without knocking. Namjoon was standing crouched over the toilet, hand against the wall as he heaved. Immediately, Yoongi was by his side, rubbing a hand in wide circles on his dongsaeng's back. He felt the muscles on the younger's back ripple as he vomited again. It was mostly stomach acid, proof that he hadn't eaten since the previous day. Another heave had him jutting forward, head nearly inside the toilet, as his stomach continued to eject its contents. Yoongi could feel him shaking against his hand from the force of it. He was really sick, wasn't he? Namjoon was barely rewarded with a full inhale before he was choking on vomit once more, dropping to his knees when his legs became too weak to bear his weight. Yoongi went down with him, brushing his hair out of the way and murmuring short reassurances in his ear. Namjoon found himself clutching Yoongi's sleeve as he was bowing over again, this time dry heaving. Knowing he hadn't eaten enough to have anything left in his stomach, he swallowed back the dry heaves to the best of his ability, trying to get a grip on his rolling stomach. After a few minutes and a few more dry heaves, he leaned back on his hyung with a breathy belch, done for the time being. His stomach didn't feel any better, still cramping and bubbling with nausea underneath his hand. Yoongi ran a steady hand repeatedly through his sweaty fringe. Namjoon was a goner underneath his gentle touch, nearly melting underneath his fingers despite his pain and discomfort. "Are you done, Joonie?" he questioned softly, still continuing with his ministrations. Namjoon nodded, too exhausted and nauseous to say anything else. "Let's clean up and get back to bed." He let his hyung help him up and lead him to the sink, washing his mouth out and wiping up stray flecks of vomit and tears of exertion from his face. Yoongi supported his weight as they trudged back to the bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed. "Stay there, let me get you some different clothes." It was then that Namjoon realized he was still wearing a semi-formal shirt and jeans, which were now drenched in sweat. Shakily, he fumbled out of his jacket, immediately shivering at the wave of cool air that hit him. Yoongi fumbled through his drawers quickly, passing him a large t-shirt and sweatpants and helping him out of his clothes in silence. Once he was successfully changed, the older man pressed him gently back onto the bed, motioning for him to lie down. "Stay here," he murmured, brushing a final hand through his hair and looking into his droopy eyes fondly. Namjoon nodded into his pillow, rolling on his side and hugging his stomach with both arms. The cramps and nausea were relentless, causing him to puff air heavily through his nose. Yoongi returned a few minutes later with an armful of supplies, shutting the door softly and turning off the lights, leaving the bedside lamp to be the only illuminator of the room. Namjoon blinked at him blearily, already half-asleep despite it only being around four in the afternoon. Carefully, his hyung arranged the items he had brought: a mug of tea, a water bottle, a bottle of pills, a washcloth, and a small trash can that he placed at the side of the bed. "Thank you, hyung," he mumbled, stomach not to keen on letting him say anything more. Yoongi didn't say anything in response, simply cracking open the pills and handing three of them to his dongsaeng, which he took dry. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, the elder rapper passed the mug of hot tea over to Namjoon. He shook his head, arms wrapping further around his abdomen; he was sure it would only come back up later. "Just a little bit, Joon. You need something else in your system to take the meds with or it'll make you feel worse," Yoongi coaxed, tilting his head to look the younger in the eyes. Namjoon sighed. He knew his hyung was right - that and the fact that there was no way getting out of it, not with Yoongi. With the maknae line, sure, but not with his second eldest hyung. So he sat up, wincing at how the movement made his stomach turn. Yoongi guided the mug to his lips, aiding his shaky hands as Namjoon sipped at the beverage slowly. After a few swallows, he pushed it away, a look of disgust on his face. His hyung put the mug back on the bedside table, helping the younger settle back into the bed. "Good job, Joonie. You can go to sleep now." He stayed for a few seconds, watching as his dongsaeng began to drift off, arms tightly around his stomach. Just as he was about to leave, something tugged at his shirt. Namjoon looked up at him, eyes already blurred from the fever, hair tousled, face pale, and eyebrows drawn together in pain. Yoongi again underestimated how bad he must have felt. It was always hard to tell with Namjoon. He wasn't vocal like the maknaes or overly exhausted like the hyung line when he was sick. He only had his subtle signs to show, otherwise there would have been no indicator. The younger always pushed through his work, put on a brave face, and hid illness very well. But even when he did feel bad, he was almost always too shy to ask for comfort. His hand tugging at Yoongi's shirt was a surprise, an adorable one at that. How the fuck was he supposed to say no to that? So he crawled into the other side of the bed, pulling the covers up over the both of them. Namjoon huddled up closer and Yoongi could feel the heat on him. Dismissing it, he pulled his dongsaeng a little closer and draped an arm around his waist, knowing he wanted physical contact but was too embarrassed to ask for it. Namjoon's face was pushed up against Yoongi's collarbone and the older rapper could feel his uneven and labored breathing, another indicator as to how bad he felt. After several minutes, Namjoon couldn't keep still. He felt so uncomfortable, so sick, and nothing was helping. It was too hot and too cold all at once and the only comfort he had was his hyung's fingers drifting through his hair and the gentle shushing sounds in his ear. Yoongi had caught on to his distress immediately, knowing what Namjoon wanted before the other even knew himself. He pulled up the hem of the younger's shirt, fingers reaching for the bloat of its stomach. "Can I?" he asked, wanting to make sure Namjoon wasn't too nauseous to handle pressure on his stomach. Namjoon nodded slightly, settling into a better position for a belly rub. Yoongi started gently, kneading his fingers against the taught skin. The younger squirmed underneath his touch, but in a good and pleasurable way. His hyung could feel Namjoon's stomach churning and moving underneath his hand, still clearly very upset. So Yoongi continued, trying to get the pain to ease up in order for his dongsaeng to sleep through it. After several more minutes, Namjoon went still and his breathing evened out, snoring softly through his nose. Yoongi smiled fondly and ran a hand through his messy hair, watching the younger sleep. Namjoon was really too adorable for his own good. xxx Thank you for reading! Have a lovely day

[imagining-sio]

Red Blood & A Heart of Gold

Summary: Detective (Y/N) Jones has been Gordon’s right hand. With her first thrust into the big bad bat’s peripheral; quite a few people have a vested interest. One who persists in haunting her memory.

Jason Todd x Reader

Chapter 1

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Gotham City.

There are ever only three absolutes with Gotham. One; the weather is always shitty, even when it’s sunny; it’s still shitty. Two; there will always be violent crime, doesn’t matter what neighborhood you live in; a siren is the lullaby of Gotham city. And finally, Three; there are always bats, the kind that beat up criminals to a pulp but not enough to kill, because apparently these bats have morals.

If anything there aren’t enough bats to make a difference in the city.

The hum of my motorcycle was the only constant as I weaved between cars as if sewing a needle and thread. I always hated Gotham, still do. The only reason I’m here is because I was recommended. If I had a dollar for the amount of times I’ve heard that I’m a “Gotham native” both in, and out, of this city; I could pay the rent to my studio apartment for a whole year.

Pulling up to the crime scene, my forest green trench coat ceased its flapping. I tore my helmet off and took the keys out of the ignition, not particularly caring if my hair was not a tangled mess from either the helmet itself or the rain. Flashes of cameras and news trucks were scattered across the entire width of the street. Numerous newscasters were repeating the same information for the recent press conference, all piling to be the first to broadcast. The yellow line of police tape was flapping between the ties of police vehicles. I quickly pulled the tape over my head, causing two officers to approach me.

“I’m Detective (Y/N) Jones. I was summoned by Gordon.” I flipped my badge open. The officers didn’t bother trying to stop me and went to the many reporters who began bombarding the police line. I strode into the tower, completely ignoring the large amount of shattered glass that crunched beneath my shoes. I was escorted to the elevator, its music ironically resembled what I can only describe as somber jazz. The officer was silent and nervous.

“Just a warning, it’s pretty bad.” he said.

“Any word from the analysts yet?” I asked, shifting my weight.

“No; coroners are on their way, though.”

I nodded my head, the doors slid open, revealing more officers and crime scene photographers investigating the hallway, which was in itself, a plethora of evidence. I spotted the very man who summoned me, sipping a rather large cup of coffee. His eyes had bags under them, and he was no doubt just as tired as I was.

“Detective Jones.” The commissioner didn’t look up from his cellphone.

“Don’t you have a guy running around in a bat costume you can bother with a booty call, Jim?” I scratched my head, yawning as I did such.

“He’s busy.” He shrugged, “I see you’re quite the morning person.”

“I am, it’s just not morning yet. Why am I really here?”

“He wants a second opinion.”

He doesn’t do second opinions….

“Why.” I narrowed my eyes as we ascended up the winding staircase, which at this point, was a little excessive for the interior designer.

“When I turned around to ask-,”

“He was gone? Heard that one plenty of times, Jim.”

“Yeah, what else do you want me to say?”

“By the looks of the files I requested from Quantico; these guys were pretty friendly with Black Mask. Apart from that, they had dipped their toes is some other shady dealings, but they never got their hands dirty enough to have sufficient evidence for a conviction. All their activity was strictly financial, I honestly don’t think that would-,“ upon entering the room all one could see was blood.

Bodies were strewn upon the boardroom table, shot until they looked like they were Swiss cheese, bloody Swiss cheese. The red walls had a distinctly lighter shade than the blood smatterings everywhere upon them. Pools of the precious liquid lie underneath the corpses, a soft reflection of the light above offering the only telltale sign between the surface of the blood and the table. You could smell the death and the gunpowder, maybe a bit of fear mixed with shit and piss. That and nasty ass cologne.

I swallowed down the remnants of my extremely late lunch.

“This. This isn’t murder; it’s overkill. It’s hyperbolic overkill. Is there a word that’s more hyperbolic than overkill?” I said softly, inspecting the scene cautiously as if defusing a bomb.

“I thought as much, as well.” A gravelly voice emerged from the shadows. Of course he’d be hiding.

“These men were gathered here. Led into a trap. But for what or why is unknown.” His cape enclosed his brooding tall figure, making him seem more mythic than man.

“I though you said he came and went?” I raised a brow to Gordon, he only smirked.

“I thought you once told me you were done with Gotham?”

“You’re hilarious. Remind me of this conversation when you retire?” The commissioner chuckle as he sipped his coffee. I watched as the bat surveyed the area, albeit it seemed like he knew more about the situation than he was letting on.

“I’m guessing you have a suspicion on who did this; and will only give us a vague answer so you can bring him and take all the credit?” I crossed my arms at the still present vigilante. Gordon spurt his coffee, laughing out loud.

The Bat stood straight, his cape acting like a cloak over his body. It made him look inhuaman. The masked man glared in response, before slowly turning to face Jim, who instantly stopped laughing, or at least tried to cover it up with coughing.

“I see why you like her.” He deadpanned. I’m pretty sure that’s his only emotion.

“You have two minutes left; I’ll make sure the press isn’t prattling too much.” Gordon coughed, making himself sparse. As he left the bat turned his attention back to me.

“Well are you going to answer? Or did I strike a nerve?” I smirked.

“Red Hood.”

Ok so we’re taking the ‘Oh shit were fucked’ route.

“Fuck.” my arms fell to my side, all humor jettosing from me.

“He certainly getting a message across, of what and to whom remains to be seen.”

“Well since these guys work for Black Mask, I would assume him, correct?”

“A message can have more than one recipient.”

“Who else? You?”

“Perhaps.”

“You’re getting vague.”

“These men were the finances behind all of the crime syndicates in Gotham. Who’s to say what will happen next.”

“An all-out war over who gets the money and when.” I finished.

“Precisely.” He went to the shattered floor to ceiling window, picking up a shell casing and placing it in his utility belt.

“Do I have to turn around before you go, or do you actually disappear on your own?”

He stared at me straight faced, shooting his grappling gun and yanking himself off into oblivion of the Gotham City skyline.

“I guess not.” I said dryly.

“You get anything from him.” Gordon returned, this time with a team of evidence analysts and coroners.

“Nothing you’re gonna like.” I said to him, “I don’t think he likes me very much.”

“He doesn’t like anyone. And I’ve seen my fair share of shit, Jones, you don’t have to sugarcoat anything.”

I eyed him as he was about to take a sip of his coffee, “Red Hood is back in town and he’s just put a power vacuum in the Gotham syndicates’ financials.”

Gordon stopped mid sip, causing a bit to spill on him.

“Fuck.”

“That’s what I said.”

“I’ll finish up here; you should head home.”

“Ah yes, back to my luxury apartment.”

“Be careful alright, the roads are pretty slick out!” Gordon yelled as I fled down the stairwell.

“No promises!”

“And call your grandmother; she worries!”

I laughed; he never seemed to stop parenting. Checking my phone as I walked out of the building, my smile fell.

2:35 AM; August 16th.

Time to pay a visit.

It’s ironic how cemeteries in Gotham are probably one of the safer parts of the city. It’s morbid; more so than Savannah is about their cemeteries, but those are luxury parks with people buried in them. In Gotham, it’s more so like you can fall into an open grave if you aren’t careful, and you’ll stay in there forever cause no one cares enough to help you out of it.

I hopped off my two wheeled transport for the third time this night. The second being for when I ran into the nearest twenty-four hour grocery store than miraculously had a florals department. I knew exactly where the headstone would be, even if I hadn’t been here for at least ten years. I had a lot to make up for.

And there it was, with the Wayne’s family. Even though he technically wasn’t a Wayne by blood, he was legally with adoption papers. But before that he was only a kid who lived two doors down from me. Then he was my best friend.

I set the small bouquet down to rest upon the headstone.

“Happy birthday, idiot.” I said with a soft smile as the rain continued its deluge, wiping away my tears.

“I miss you.” I rubbed my arms together, before continuing; “I hate that you aren’t around. And even though I hate to admit it, I think about you a lot. I thought about how much you’ve tried to convince me to stay. I still think about it, how it could have been different. Maybe if I hadn’t left you’d still-,” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I never could. My brunette locks were now soaked throughout, the water extending its length down to barely grazing over my shoulders. I hugged myself, knowing that if he were alive he would be hugging me too.

A twig snapping drew me from my train of thought. I grabbed my pistol from my holster, searching wildly for the source of the sound. I spotted a group of people making their way through the cemetery. Though what I knew was suspicious was that they were all wearing suits.

Usually, funerals aren’t going on at three in the morning. One could only wonder what the hell these idiots were doing out so late.

I would also would love an explanation on why they were all wearing what looked to be skull masks. The kind only worn by Black mask’s goons. Ones only worn when a deal was going down.

Just my luck.

I quickly ducked down, crouching to hide behind my beloved friend’s tombstone. I’m sure this is an atrocity against the etiquette of walking in cemeteries, but I didn’t care. They didn’t seem to notice me, instead they were hastily walking toward a mausoleum that stood out through the cemetery. I crept deftly thought the spattering of tombstones, careful not to make too much sound. Though that proved difficult as the ground grew soggy and mud began to seep through as the rain continued.

“You really think these guys will show?” One of the goons asked.

“Hey, these guys said they were gonna pay a lotta dough for the weapons. We do this; we move up the ladder.” Another, who looked to be the leader of the group, silenced the other. There were three more men but they remained silent, not wanting to question the one in charge.

I crept further toward the group, hiding behind statues in order to remain hidden from sight. I spotted another group loitering around by the mausoleum. They were dressed in far less expensive clothing than what the approaching group wore. What threw me off was that there was no conversation with them, they were silent. Eerily silent.

“Oi, we’re here! You better hold up your end of the bargain, friend.” The lead goon of Black Mask walked toward the silent men. The other group of men didn’t even acknowledge the goon’s presence. This did not look like it would end well.

“Hey asshole,” He shook the man, only for him to fall to the ground in a heap. Even in the moonlight, you could clearly see the cause of death. He was riddled with bullet holes.

“SHIT!” the man yelled, causing the other group members to pull out their own weapons. What I grew concerned about was I could only see four of the group. I knew for damn sure there were five.

“Get up.” I felt a pressure against the back of my head, and the sound of a gun cocking only solidified my fear. I raised my hands up parallel with my head. The man behind me took my pistol, placing it somewhere on his person before yanking me up by the collar.

“Hey, lookie what I found.” He ushered me toward the mausoleum. As I was shoved forward, I could have sworn I spotted a shifting mass on the roof of the morbid building.

“And what have we here,” the lead goon fixed his cufflinks as he sauntered toward me. His dark chuckle only sent chills down my spine, not in a comfortable way.

“Found her hiding behind the tombstone, boss.”

“Well, sweet cheeks. Care to tell me what you saw?”

I remained silent. Another one of the goons searched me, pulling out both my phone and my badge, handing it to my interrogator.

“So that’s how you wanna play, then?” his eyes narrowed through his skull mask.

“Well then detective,” he handed the items back to the man calmly. With a nod of his head the man behind me kicked my legs out from under me, forcing me down to my knees. He handed my pistol to the goon in charge, whom cocked the gun and pointed it at my forehead.

“You picked a hell of a place to die, honey.” the lead man scoffed. Cocking the gun behind my head.

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Message me is you want to be tagged!

[stubbornattempt]

I hope this is ok to try to get a message to you again. If you'd prefer that I didn't I'll certainly stop. There are just so many things I don't know or understand. The past couple of years I've come to believe that for whatever reasons you and I can never be together. And while this is my best guess, I realized I would like to know that for a fact. You see, I'm still in love with you and I always will be in love with you and I would wait as many years as it takes until its safe to be together, if there ever would come such a time. It's a long shot, but I'd like to know if there is a chance. That would change every aspect of my life. It seems to me that you and I can't be together because of the danger of being arrested, and if that is the case I would never want you to risk yourself trying to be with me. I would rather never see you again and let you have a good life. But maybe is there some sort of statute of limitations on the thing? If enough time goes by would everything be ok? I think about you every day and it hurts a lot. I can't put it into words but I ache like I've lost the thing in the world most precious to me. Sometimes I just whisper your name. I don't know how you feel. Maybe you don't still have strong feelings for me or even want to be together. If that's the case I'd rather not know that! You said you would always love me and I believe you. I remember every single thing you've ever said to me. You're in the deepest and most permanent part of me. You're my home and as long as we're apart I'll never be home. It's ok if that's what it boils down to. It's been a long time now and I've accepted the idea of never being together. I told you I'm dating this guy Steve and I like him well enough. It's slightly nicer to have someone than to be alone. But I don't think I could ever be in love with him, or anybody else really. I can love someone as a person and be fond of them but that's not the same as being in love. I've just accepted that any other relationship I have I will be settling for less. Over the past year I've started becoming what I think might be a bad person. I'm just selfish and sometimes I feel absolutely nothing. I don't care that the planet is dying. I don't really want to expend energy to help anybody else and I do the bare minimum to help myself. I have more callous and angry thoughts than I used to, and until recently I've been aware of becoming a worse human being but I haven't cared. I'm also becoming increasingly perverted, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with a fantasy that you would never act on, I wonder what it says about me that I'm getting off on things that would disturb most people. I've always had a twisted sort of libido I guess, but its just firing on all cylinders now and I wonder if I'm so different from regular people that I'll always be on the outside pretending to fit in and hiding my true self. I did about 4 weeks of school and withdrew from my classes. I didn't want to do the work and I didn't like the subject material very much. It was Statistics and Chemistry and I realized I was gonna have to work hard to get A's. I didn't really want to be in school anyway. After visiting Steve in Cleveland for 5 weeks I realized that I could live a decent life on a tight budget. I'll get disability checks forever until I die, so if I don't want to I really don't have to work. And the truth is that I definitely don't want to work. Even if I wanted to I don't know if I could. I've always had trouble having to be places. Sometimes, quite frequently in fact, I break down and quit. I can't be somewhere all the time and also be forced to be around people. These days I find I'm happiest when I'm watching TV. There are enough shows out there that I could watch TV for the rest of my life. And when I get bored of that I could read books and do a little exercising. I have the opportunity to just have all my time to myself and I'd rather be poor and have that than go back to school, pay a shit ton of money, and then have to fucking work some job I'll probably hate. In any event, I don't think Biotechnology is the degree for me. The only potential job I would actually enjoy is being a therapist or counselor of some sort, and that would take a lot of schooling to get to a point where I could have a career. I'm a little too old now to look down that road. Maybe not. I just don't feel like being back in school just yet. I still have too many emotional and psychological issues that I'm dealing with. I've decided to get some therapy myself. I think I'll go next week. Try to talk about some of this stuff. Eventually I told a few people about what I went through. I told Steve, another online friend, and then today I told Michelle some of it. Maybe talking about it will somehow help? If I thought there was a possibility of being able to be with you in the future it would infuse every aspect of my life with such profound happiness. I'm not holding out much hope for it, but I think you should give me an answer if you can safely get one to me. If there is no chance I think I'll move to Cleveland. Not because I'm so crazy about Steve, but I like him well enough and its an opportunity to start over. I love where I live but there are memories everywhere I go. I can't be the way I was again, and being reminded of everything I used to have can be painful. Cleveland is very cheap and poor and I could fit right in. My mother will be supremely disappointed upon finding that I don't intend to go to school and then get a job and I can't really explain myself to her. Telling my family about my life is out of the question. So in Cleveland I could at least be in a new setting where I'm not bombarded with memories around every corner, with a guy who I enjoy spending time with, and I could live cheaply. As you get older your options narrow all the time. I'm looking at my options and it seems like the best one. Today I miss you so much I want to cry. I don't cry that much these days. After I figured out you weren't coming for me again I didn't cry for a year or something. I did some art therapy on Tumblr and listened to a lot of screamo. Last winter I made that playlist I sent to you, and I would listen to it all day every day for like a month or two and cry to it. I haven't cried since then I don't think. Crying doesn't do anything anymore. My emotions are resoundingly futile. I'm so scared of forgetting a detail or a feeling. I'm scared of the time and distance that separates me from when I last saw you and I'm scared that it's only ever going to grow. I'm scared of getting older and inevitably not being the same person I used to be and I'm realizing the thing that might save me is that I don't want to become someone you would no longer love, even if we never see each other again. I want to be the person that you love and I don't know how to do that going into the future without you. As I slowly turn into somebody else that's putting even more distance between us. It hurts so much its the dullest ache. No one will ever know what we shared and that's ok as long as I can keep it alive in my heart and my mind, but life is long I guess. Even though we're not together somehow I'm scared of losing you. Loving you is the most profound experience of my life. A future without you is static, muted, black and white. I feel like I lived more than most people in life ever have. I've had more mystery and adventure, trauma and pain, and depth of love. Sometimes I actually feel lucky, even though it devastated my life for good. At least I was special for a time, and experienced something unique in all the world. And I experienced your love, which is my top rated experience of all time. Sometimes I beg your memory not to leave me. So far it hasn't, but I'm afraid of Time. I'll wrap this rant up here. I just wanted to say that I'll no longer send you messages on Facebook. I guess that might be dangerous somehow? I also want you to know that I will never come looking for you. If you want to be with me and its safe, the ball is totally in your court. I don't want you to feel haunted by me and if you don't want to hear from me I won't message you. Even if we can't be together IRL maybe we could keep in touch through secret messages over the years? Maybe just an update every couple of years? I want you to have a life and be happy and I don't want to interfere with that. So maybe you'd prefer a clean break and just to let me go? Fuck, I love you so much. Whatever you want is fine with me. I only ask that you give me a sign so I can know for a fact that it's over forever. You don't even need to tell me why. All I really want to do in this life is tell you how much I love you. I'm trying to live my life and I am. Some days are easier than others. I'm alone in my headspace most of the time. I don't know if it helps or does harm to think about everything so much. I'm realizing a lot about my limitations and coming to terms with what the rest of my life is going to look like. I think I could find reasonable happiness if I moved away and started new. As long as I stay in this city my family will make me feel bad for not accomplishing anything professionally. And I just don't have it in me to be what they want me to be. Everything I went through from like 2011-2017 or whatever it was, that is and has to be my "contribution" to the world because I truly don't have anything left to give. I'll never feel like everybody else and no matter what happiness and stability I'm able to attain, there will forever be this deep current of sadness for everything lost. I find myself feeling alienated from other people and not totally respecting their emotions and experiences because of what I've been through. Things I went through were so extreme it makes it hard for me to take the plights of others so seriously. I'm on the outside forever and I am alone forever. I feel happier with Steve but he doesn't have much emotional depth and even though I told him about you/everything I don't think he begins to understand. So I'm alienated forever from everyone IRL and nobody who knows what happened to me is willing to talk to me. What exactly happened anyway? When did John first start filming me? When did others start watching? What's the ballpark number of people who were watching me? Were there cameras in the bathrooms? In the Tea House? Basic fucking things I'll never know. No one affiliated with the theater is ever going to tell me and there's no way to find the answers to my questions. It used to be very troubling to not know, but I've come to terms with not knowing. It's not that high on my list of concerns anymore. The PTSD from believing that John was going to kill me has probably subsided as well. I don't think I really have schizophrenia, but I think you guys gave me schizophrenia for a time. I was out there seeing clues and receiving messages left and right and that shit did get pretty scary. But I don't see clues and messages anymore, so I doubt I'm schizo. Maybe I have like schizo-affective disorder or something, but I don't think I'm schizo. I even stopped taking my meds months ago and I'm fine. I'll pretend to the docs like I'm taking my meds and I'm fine with the diagnosis as it has allowed me to be given disability. I feel like I deserve disability and I honestly feel like after what I lived through that I shouldn't have to work. I know I said earlier that I was wrapping this up, but I do not want to stop talking to you ever. My love. I also want you to know that there is no future where I blame you for what I went through or am angry with you. Looking back over our communication I see perfectly clearly that you didn't lie to me or deceive me. I think you made some poor decisions because I would have liked to marry you straight away and skip the internet games. I know you feel badly about the way things happened. I don't want you to though. It's bad enough that I'm not happy, if you can be happy you really should be. I'm so glad that you have your kids in your life. It makes me very happy to know that you have those meaningful relationships. That night in the truck when it seemed like we were running away, if that's what was really happening I want you to know how much it meant to me that you were willing to leave everyone in your life to be with me. It was powerful. Obviously I'd do the same for you anytime at all, but I don't have kids. So your devotion to me was the most impressive gesture anyone has ever made for me. I don't think anyone has ever really seen me the way you did. I want to always be that person you fell in love with but that can't be. I'm growing older and changing and the changes probably aren't all good. Thank you for being there at my most vulnerable and for intoxicating me with your love. I know I was probably draining and maybe demanded more from you than you had signed up for. I hope I didn't mess things up for you too much. I know your wife left you and it seemed like my going to where you used to work may have influenced her decision? Anyway, I hope you don't look back and think of me as a mistake that made you lose your wife. Even if its not me I hope you find someone who loves you. I would just hope that you never stop loving me. I don't know how I'm gonna carry myself through the rest of my life. Maybe things can be better than I'm imagining. Maybe I'll be more of a good person than a creep. I have to try a little bit harder though. I'm so disaffected. I don't like being around people or going out and doing things. If I move to Cleveland Steve will make sure I get out and do things. He has crazy levels of energy and fills every second of the day with an activity. After 5 weeks I was thoroughly exhausted, but perhaps that's a good type of personality for me to be around. It's hard for me to stop writing to you because it kind of feels like spending time with you when I talk to you. I would love to hear from you. Anything from you I cherish. I'm afraid to look at your blogs or your online accounts though. I don't want to see things that aren't meant for me. It also hurts. I only want to see things from you that are meant for me. Anything you could tell me about how you're feeling or what actually happened I would be grateful to hear. You could be creative. I'll know if its you. One last thing I forgot to mention is that I'm having transgender problems again. I've decided not to pursue transitioning. It's a little late in the game for me. The results wouldn't be as good. It's a lot of fucking work to transition. Most people are wildly transphobic. I don't want to have to explain and justify my existence to everybody. I don't want to be discriminated against. My mom might disinherit me. It would be harder to date. I'd be a dude with a vagina which is awkward. Top surgery is a lot of money. I don't think I want to shave my face every day. A lot of trans people say that if you can live as a cis person that you definitely should because being a transsexual is very hard. The part of my life were it would have mattered being correctly gendered the most is behind me. I'm just saying fuck it. It's just one more way that my life fails to be perfect. If I did transition probably I would be happier and more comfortable in social situations and more likely to socialize but the cost is very high. Maybe I'm being cowardly or lazy about it, but I'm trying to be pragmatic. Anyway, I'll love you no matter what even when you're 70 and bald and your teeth are falling out, so if at any point in your life you want to be with me and its possible, reach out. I'm yours and its not possible to make it otherwise. If you don't respond to this I guess I'll take that as a sign and try not to contact you again. If that happens I want you to know that I will think of you always. As the years roll on I will imagine you raising your kids, going to their graduations and weddings, having grand kids, growing old. I'll think about you in your dorky baseball caps and playing the guitar, enjoying your success and continuing to crusade against the insanity in the world. Your obsessiveness, your industriousness, your raw intelligence and creativity. I think you're golden. That night in the motel room when I refused to leave you and because of that you ended up getting away, that was the thing in my life that I'm most proud of and I would do it over and over again. At least I was given the opportunity to demonstrate how much I care for you. Not everybody gets to make such a dramatic gesture. I hope you feel it in your bones how much you are loved. I hope I'm inside of you the way you are in me. If you still feel the same for me, please consider the possibility of trying again if there is any possible way. I would try to be the best version of myself for you. I've decided to try that anyway, but it would be easier with you. Can I tell you just one more time? I love you. I was a kid for a long time, longer than usual, but I'm less so every day. And although I'm a terribly inadequate adult I don't think I would be a burden on you. I'm financially independent now, I have a car and a license and I've dealt with a lot of my problems on my own. I still have many lingering problems but I don't think you'd have to repair me as much. We could have a relationship based on mutual love more than need. After everything, wouldn't it feel like the world’s greatest victory? It would to me anyway. I'm just appealing to you on the chance that we could try to make it work. If it was my choice we'd never stop trying. Ok, I've been long-winded. It feels super good to talk to you. I hope against hope that this isn't the last time.

[moonraccoon-exe]

It's okay to not feel okay! It's okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, and other uncomfortable emotions. It's part of what makes us, us. And it's really hard some days to be kind to ourselves when we make a mistake, because we feel we 'should have known better' and we want to do our best. It's okay to feel that way, but it can hurt a lot too. If you can (I know it's hard!), please try and treat yourself with the same kind and gentle understanding that you show all of us. Sending hugs!

*LOUD SHARP INHALE*

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TACKLE-HUGS YOU AND STAYS HUGGED TO YOUR HEAD*

IRIDAE SWEETIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

*PETS AND HUGGLES YOU*

IT MY BBY FLOUR PRECIOUS HOOMAN LITTLE IRIDAE PRETTY DARLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOOOOOUUUUUUU?!?! ( ˙꒳​˙ )

Sorry again it took me so long to reply. I won’t put up any excuses, though I know you’ll understand, and for that I’m very, very grateful, Iridae. Thank you for your patience and for being so kind to me aksjdflj aaaah ;A;

Thank you so much for the reminder that it’s okay to feel upset. It’s one of those things that I preach everywhere, and apply to myself except when I really, really, really upset and just tend to…forget? So thank you lots, Flour. It was a kind and very warm reminder about how I just had to let the emotions flow and that it was okay to be that way for as long as I needed to feel upset. Thank you for acknowledging that, and for relieving me off the stress of “I know I shouldn’t feel this way so why am I feeling this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay”.

It’s part of what makes us, us. YOU DAMN RIGHT. You damn right, Flour…and it was something else that I had somewhat forgotten back the days I was feeling upset. It takes sometimes a dear buddy or a big reminder that it’s okay to feel the way we do, and I’m touched, and very happy that you were there for me when it was my turn to require of someone to tell me this. Remind me that it’s fine to be upset. We’re often bombarded with “Don’t feel hatred!! Don’t feel jealousy!! Don’t feel sadness, be bright and optimistic and happy to be healthy!!!!!” that at the slightest negative feeling we experiment, we immediately feel regret, guilt, and this frustration, and this huge necessity to get rid of these feelings when it’s not that way…

Feelings are, as you say, what makes us what we are. Both the negative and the positive ones. And as I think, feelings come and go as they please; we don’t think “I’ll feel happy” to feel it; it gets here on its own, and the only thing we can do is experiment it and offer it ways to be free. Trying to cage away a feeling is like caging a beast that was just passing by; maybe it was scary or would have destroyed some things, but we have to let it walk past. Caging it not only keeps it there for longer than it would have stayed had we let it be, caging it also makes it angrier and stronger. And, unlike real beasts that we could kill (alkdjsflakdgja noooo!!! ;A;), feelings can’t be killed with anything, so sooner or later they’ll come out. So caging them and making them angrier really works for nothing.

That’s what I think, at least. And you gave me the reminder I needed for that; that it’s not about caging and erasing feelings, it’s about letting them be, and that that’s okay. I’m alive and I feel, and part of all that is being upset and experimenting negative things. Negative isn’t equal to unhealthy. It’s just unpleasant…and it’s not eternal. So it’s okay to feel it.

So everything you said is damn true. I’m in one of those cases when you say something in such concise (?) and true way, I feel like I want to aggressively agree, but it’s so well worded I can just say “Yeah, damn right!” and can’t add anything without sounding stupid or repetitive, hahahaha. But really, all that you said, it’s all true and it’s really touching that you gifted such pretty words to me. Thank you, Iridae. It IS sort of frustrating having to deal with these emotions, but it’s about working them.

Thank you for acknowleding all this. It sort of calmed me down and made it easier to work them. Thank you so much…wholeheartedly, buddy. I can’t say it enough :’)

The last bit about trying to treat myself with the same gentleness and understanding that I treat others was, and still is….sort of overwhelming, but in a soft way. It’s like…it felt like a revelation, you know? Hahaha, I don’t know how to describe it….but it felt like that. Like one of those things that make you go “*gentle gasp* ohmygod that’s so true…” and makes you go mute and sit there like a Stupid Thing needing hours to process the information, and through the days you have spontaneous moments where you sit there not blinking and staring into the void and with the head blank because your brain is still processing it alksjdlkadgjalkhjalhj

To treat myself the way I treat others. It sounds so simple and like something I already knew, but I needed a SLAP ON THE FACE WITH A SHOVEL to really understand it. I don’t…mean to sound pretentions or narcissistic, but I do am aware of the way I treat others, because it’s on purpose. The understanding and the kindness and the long answers and the carefully chosen things to say. Mostly the understanding. I’ve worked really, really hard for years since I was a teen to be as understanding as I can be…to be sincere, my reason to that or my “goal” to that is that I want to make others feel in a way that lets them know that, if they ever have anything they’re too shy to talk about, I’m there and won’t judge, I want to feel like…a safe place, you know. Like, not even intimate or personal, just a safe place. As in, someone could be there for one hour and never again say anything to me, that’ll be fine. 

I just feel like everyone needs a safe place, and I want others to know that I could be one if they so need. So I try to be as understanding as I can be, acknowledge/validate whatever they feel no matter how “petty” or “unimportant”.My brother says I’m justifying everyone, and that’s more or less what I do, hahaha…it’s not always good, but I’d rather not take the risk of being “malicious” for once and make someone feel bad.

Idk KLDJFGLKAHALKJGADLKGAJ aaaaahhhhhhhh sorry for the random unexpected rant, Iridae, and thank you so much for reading me ;A;

But yah. That felt like a revelation. I guess I took it for granted and assumed that I naturally and on automatic treat myself the way I treat others, but it’s not always like that. I’ll try to be more conscious about it, which I think is the problem of why we tend to not treat ourselves as we treat others; as I said, I’m usually like taht because it’s on purpose, I’m aware of the way I’m acting. But when it’s myself? Not so much. I just let it all naturally flow, and I don’t put the same consciousness and focus in how I treat myself as I focus in others. And it’s not my fault, either, because when we’re feeling something, it’s harder to have the mind clear enough to think about it, unlike when it’s happening to others that, because it’s not you, you have the head clear enough to think.

I think that’s the problem, and you’ve made me have another epiphany that I think I’ll need to sit through with a blank face gazing into nowhere again to process it....u. Damn. r i g h t....

Wow....Iridae, thank you. Thank you immensely, wholeheartedly, and every other sort of ly. Thank you so much, my dear friend. It was such...an eye opener aksdjdklgjafkgj omg I’m having this life revelation HOLY SHIT U DAMN RIGHT.

Flour, today you’ve made me wiser than I was yesterday (it’s a way to say it because I read this as soon as it arrived but you get my point), and that, my dear friend, knowledge of whatever form, is perhaps the biggest gift anyone can give or receive. Thank you so much, buddy. I’ve learned thanks to you, and I don’t know how to thakn you enough. Thank you for sharing these wonderful and kind words with me, and thank you for teaching me/helping me teach myself. 

You truly are a magnificent and wonderful creature, Iridae. I’m so happy you decided to write that first ask back in the days. Thank you...

AnYWAYS IRIDAE, THAT’S THAT!!! :D

Thank you so much and immensely again. I won’t tire of saying it. And thanks for writing to me again, buddy!! It’s always a pleasure to answer to you :3 

I hope you’re having a MOST PHENOMENAL day or night, buddy! HUGS BACK YOUR WAY!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[scornedlove]

Chapter Thirteen

Robyn

“Home sweet home” I paused, inhaling a deep breath of the island air as soon as we walked out the airport. I was glad to be here and couldn’t wait to see everyone.

“We’re going to check-in at the hotel, then go see mama” Melanie stated as J loaded their suitcases into a taxi.

“Okay, I’ll be at home, let me know when you’re trying to link up” I replied as I waved my own taxi down. 

I couldn’t help but smile when I pulled up to the house. It was lit up in red and green Christmas lights, music was blasting, and it looked as if everyone and their grandma was having a blast.

“Rob!” Rorrey yelled, reaching me before I could even step out the taxi.

“Come’a big head! “ he greeted pulling me in for a tight hug.

“Man, I’ve missed y'all so much” I replied kissing him and leaving a shiny lip print on his cheek.

“Everybody been waiting on you to get here” he grinned, grabbing my suitcase and pulling me towards the house. 

Within a few seconds, the rest of the family started bombarding me as well. It was like everyone in my family tree was on the scene today. They were all just as happy to see me as I was to see them. By the time I made it to the living room, I was literally crying tears of joy. I hadn’t been home in so long, I forgot what it felt like to be around family.

“I got some good news” Rorrey announced after everyone returned to the party, . “I was performing downtown and a record producer offered me a deal. He wants me to fly to New York and work on a demo”

“What!?” I yelled as Leandra brought out three tequila filled shot glasses .

“Yeah sis, this gon be big he grinned happily”

“Yup, and I’m going to be there all the way” Le added, handing us a shot. “To big shit Poppin”

“Robyn, weh Rayven? “Mama asked just as I started to pour the liquid gold down my throat and I damn near choked on it. I’d forgotten everyone would be asking about the skettel.

“I in no. She wan do her own thing” I shrugged, attempting to avoid a lie. I had no interest in discussing what happened between us, at least not right now.

“You tek care of ya family now, I aint care what ya’ll go through” she ordered. “And slow down on that drinkin”

“My liver is made up of steel” Le yelled over her shoulder, and I couldn’t help but snicker. Le had a high tolerance and could probably drink more than all of us combined.

“Where’s Mel, I thought she was coming with you” Rorrey asked, pouring himself another shot.

“She stopped to see her mum first but she’ll be here later” I replied, shoving my glass to him so he could refill mine…I was ready to get wasted and join the rest of my family in the turn up. I took one more shot and felt it hit me as I swallowed.

“Come dance with me mama” I jumped up playfully grabbing her hands and swinging them as I rocked to the music that was blasting outside.

“I’m going to bed, go out there with the rest of ya drunk family” she laughed, pushing past me.

I was dancing and celebrating with my family and neighbors, trying to enjoy myself, but hearing Rayven’s name brought that situation from the back of my mind. Those shots had me a little faded and before I knew it, someone passed me a blunt.

“Robyn?” A voice called out, and I couldn’t quite make out who it was. “It’s me, Mike” he grinned, causing my stomach to churn. Everywhere I turned, I kept being reminded of her.

“Hey, how you been” I asked, giving him a quick hug.

“I’ve been ok…not better than you obviously. Damn, you look good girl” he replied as he looked me up and down.

I couldn’t front…time had been good to him as well. He had grown at least 6 inches and was now standing over me with his dreads hanging just past his shoulders. He had no shirt on and was proudly showing off his dark, muscular chest. I caught my eyes traveling down to his print but not before he did.

“We just came from the beach, we saw the party and wanted to check it out. Now, I’m glad we did” he grinned showing his pearly whites.

“Look.."I began before he quickly interrupted.

"I know we left off on a bad note and we haven’t seen each other in years…but I have regretted that day ever since it happened. That was your cousin, I’ve never forgiven myself-"

”-We were sixteen Michael, it’s really not a big deal” I shrugged, bringing the blunt back to my lips. I took a long drag and offered it to him. He took it and did the same, not breaking eye contact.

I don’t know if it was the high I had tonight, the drought I’ve had for the past ten months, or a combination of both, but my nani was screaming for some attention. On cue, my song started blaring from the speakers and my body began to do its own thing. Before I knew it, I was dancing on Michael like I had to show him what he missed out on.  As I grinded my hips into his, I could feel his manhood growing, which turned me on even more.

“Come with me” I ordered, pulling him towards the side of the house. I wanted some dick and was feeling bold enough to get it. “Do you have a condom?” I asked and he responded with a nod and pulled it out of his back pocket.

“I just need to feel good” my voice slurred as I whispered in his ear.

“I got you” he replied and began to eagerly suck on my neck. His cologne was so strong that I began to feel nauseated.

“Waaii…” I started to say when he quickly swung me around so that my back was against the house, but it was too late. I vomited all over his perfectly sculpted chest, as he jumped back seconds too late.

“Damn bitch, you must be faded!” Mel yelled, popping up just in time to witness it all. I hadn’t even realized she was here.

“I’m so sor” I started to say as another wave came rushing up. This time, he dodged it and left without another word.

“Rasshole!” Mel shouted towards his back, before coming to grab my hair out of the way. I felt like I was going to die as wave after wave continued to come up. I was so embarrassed but grateful my best friend was there to help me make it inside without anyone else seeing what had just happened.

“What’s wrong?” Ella asked an hour later when she found me on the couch recuperating.

“I drank a lil too much and threw up on Mike” I chuckled back the embarrassment.

“Good, I know bout him and Ray” she laughed. “and I saw you wukkin up wit him. He don’t deserve dat”

“Yeah, you right. I was just having fun tho” I defended myself with a shrug.

“Well, what would be more fun is celebrating my acceptance to the BDF! Training starts the first week of January” she beamed. She always said she’d be a coast guard, looks like dreams have been taking off while I’ve been gone.

“Fi true?! You always said you would, look at you growing up on me. I’m so happy for you” I practically yelled, giving her a big hug.

“That’s why you need to get up! The turn up just started!”

An hour later, we were five deep, wearing all black like a mob. Mel,Le, Nita, and I all grew up on the same block. It had been years since we hung out like we used to. Being with my girls brought the life out of me. They were my sisters and we had an unbreakable bond. I would do anything for them and vice versa.

By 2 a.m. we were on the beach huddled around a small bonfire giggling as we reminisced about the sleepovers we had when we were in middle school. We laughed about buck teeth and old crushes until our guts hurt.

As the waves crashed in the sand, I realized for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I laid back in the sand and relished in the moment.

“What about you Rob? What was de best part of your year?”  Nita asked, after everyone raved about the good things that happened to them. Mel’s engagement, Nita was graduating, and will be an MD in the spring, Ella was accepted to the BDF, and Le was going on a tour with Rorrey. 

“Nothing. This was a shitty year. I don’t even want to talk about it” I rolled my eyes because my mood was just shot to shit. “A lot of crazy shit happened to me. Never in a million years would I have imagined my life going like this”

“But you’re still here, standing strong. That’s the best part.” Mel interrupted as I pushed back the wave of tears that were on standby. I wasn’t going to ruin a perfect evening with my girls, so I shook off the sadness.

“You know what, this is the most happiness I’ve had in a long time. We should do this at least twice a year. Crop over and Christmas. We have to escape the madness and steal this moment together” I suggested, and they all nodded in agreeance. We spent the rest of the night talking about what we would do different, and how next year will be better until we passed out on the beach, huddled together like old times.

Chris

The past few days have been a complete shock. Kate and Cindy were staying with me since we couldn’t get a decent hotel with the holiday season being here. Her parents weren’t coming back until after the holidays and I didn’t have it in me to just leave them at a dump so I made sure they had everything they would need to get them through the week.

She stayed to herself in the room I initially had set up for Cindy. I hadn’t even realized I still had all the stuff I’d gotten her. She would only come out to eat or dispose of dirty diapers and I barely even knew they were there. Only today was different, it was Christmas and I didn’t know what to do. I had to stop by mama’s and Trey’s today, but there was no way I was bringing Kate along. At the same time, I really didn’t want to leave her alone in my house either.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was a little after eight. I could swing through mama’s to watch her open my gift, then stop by Trey’s for a quick minute, and possibly make it back before she even knew I was gone.

I took a quick shower and was dressed in fifteen minutes tops. I stopped by and peeked in on them, they were sound asleep just as I expected, so I quickly made my exit.

I made it to mom’s just as she was setting the table. After the food was done, I ate like I hadn’t eaten in days, then we exchanged gifts.

“Wow… this is beautiful” mama smiled in awe at the painting I’d made for her. It was a recreation of a picture of the two of us when I was five. It was the first time I had been to the beach, one of my happiest memories.

“I have to get your gift from the garage” she announced before taking off in that direction.

“I have something for you too” Richard stated pulling an envelope out and handing it to me. It was a Christmas card with two tickets for the Lakers game tonight.

“Wow Richard, I would love to go but I can’t accept these. I’ve been so busy that I didn’t get a chance to get you and Amber anything.“

"Nonsense, these are a gift and I want you to have them. We all have tickets for tonight’s game. You’re always busy so we can consider you joining us as our Christmas gift. ” he replied.

“I don’t know man, I had something to take care of tonight…"

"Damn boy, do you ever take a day off? Either you’re the busiest man in Cali or you REALLY don’t like us” Amber interrupted.

“I just promised a friend some time tonight that’s all"

"That’s why I got you two tickets” Richard pointed out. I really wanted to go, I just had Kate to think about. There’s just no way I’m bringing her and Cindy and I’m definitely not leaving them alone in my house that long. I felt like they were putting me on the spot so I was happy to see mama coming back from the garage with a small box in tow.

“You’re going to love this!” She squealed placing it in my hands. “Open up"

I did as I was told and was more than surprised at what was looking back at me. It was a puppy.

"It’s a bulldog! Now that you’re so busy and I don’t see you as often, I have to make sure there’s a lady in the house, keeping an eye on you” mama smiled while Amber took her and gave her some kisses.

“I’m gonna miss you…let me know if you ever need a sitter” She stated, passing her back to me.

I could tell the ride home was different for Diamond, that’s what I decided to call her. Her eyes just twinkled while she whined the whole way. I prayed she wouldn’t do this all day. 

I was pulling back in my driveway with Diamond asleep on my passenger seat and leftovers from Mama’s big breakfast for K when I noticed Ryan’s car pulling up right next to mine.

"Merry Christmas” she called out as she stepped out with a gift bag.

“Merry Christmas. I’m sorry I didn’t realize we were doing the gift thing” I shook my head feeling bad.

“It’s okay we can share this gift” she replied pulling out a bottle of spiked eggnog.

“Can I take a rain check on this one?”

“So basically, you’re going to ditch me on Christmas knowing you’re my only friend?” she asked dramatically.

“Okay fine since you put it like that” I agreed. I figured Kate and Cindy were still asleep anyway and Ryan and I can chill for an hour or so. I grabbed the puppy and she excitedly took her from me.

“Awww, you have a new little baby. What’s his name?” she asked, pulling her close to her chest.

“HER name is Diamond” I corrected her with a smirk.

“Well. I’ll take her, you grab the bottle” she ordered, pushing it in my hand.

When we walked in, it was still as quiet as it was when I left and I couldn’t be more grateful. That is, until Diamond started whining again. She was so loud, you would’ve sworn someone was torturing her.

“She’s probably hungry” I realized, snapping my finger. I ran back to the car for her food and by the time I came back, she had woke Kate.

“What is that noise" she asked, clearly frightened.

“Kate?!” Ryan squealed, pushing me out the way and hugging her.

“Hey girl what are you doing here?” Kate asked, finally recognizing Ryan. “I didn’t know you knew Chris”

“Chris is my only friend these days” she joked. “We were going to have some eggnog; you wanna join? Wait where is your daughter…Sin right?”

“Uh…. how do you two know each other" I asked after getting the puppy settled.

“This is Kiki’s cousin, the one I was telling you about with the crazy baby daddy” she mumbled the last part. ‘How do you guys know each other?

“This is my Kate…I mean my friend I was telling you about”

“Ohh…” Ryan slowly begin to remember and suddenly it was awkward.

“Wow, small world” Kate whistled, breaking the silence and moving past us.

“We were going to watch Home Alone and sip eggnog, come hang with us” I offered with a shrug.

“Maybe after I feed Cindy” she replied, just as the baby began to cry.

“That’s my cue” she continued down the hall.

“Uno! I win!” I yelled dropping my last card on the pile. Just as promised, Kate joined Ryan and me on Home Alone, which led to the Grinch, which led to Uno. We were on our third game, and Kate had won the first two.

“It’s about time I get some competition around here” Kate laughed as I danced and celebrated my win.

“Naw, y'all cheating” Ryan sucked her teeth as she threw her Pile of cards in.

“You’re just mad you suck” I teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“Y'all lucky I have to work tonight, or I’d sit here until I win” she laughed as she stood up, laid Diamond down, and threw her jacket on.

“Well that was embarrassing” K announced when I came back from seeing Ryan out. She looked irritated, and the grin she was wearing a second ago was now replaced with a frown.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“I’m known as ‘Kiki’s cousin’s baby mama’ ” she repeated in Ryan’s English accent.

“Well that’s what happens when you randomly have someone’s baby” I replied and felt bad instantly. I didn’t hear how fucked up it sounded until it came out. She tossed down the cards she had picked up and stormed off without giving me the chance to correct myself.

A couple of hours later she still hadn’t come from the guest room. I felt like I needed to apologize, we were finally comfortable around each other again and I didn’t want to move backwards.

“Kate” I called out easing the door open to her room. I regretted it immediately. She was sitting on the bed with Cindy in her arms breastfeeding. Her breasts were at least two cup sizes bigger then I remember, which caught me by surprise. I didn’t mean to stare, but I couldn’t help but notice the difference.

“I’m sorry, I was just making sure y'all were okay” I stammered as we made eye contact.

“You actually have good timing, I really need that bag right there if you don’t mind passing it to me” she asked, pointing to the other side of the room. 

Just as I started towards it my phone rang. I gave her the bag and rushed out of the room grateful for the distraction. I missed the call, but a text came in immediately after.

Tina: Detective Reynolds left a message on the machine… He wants you to come down to the station for some questions.

“They just never give it a rest” I sighed shaking my head.

“Who?” K asked scaring the shit out of me.

“I didn’t know you were standing there” I chuckled. “I’m sorry about earlier I wasn’t intentionally disrespecting you. You know me better than that” I explained.

“Look, I know it was fucked up how everything turned out. If I could take it all back I would” she began to explain.

“We really don’t have to talk about this” I sighed. I wasn’t interested in going down memory lane with the situation. I’d actually prefer to forget it even happened.

“Yes, we do. I need to get this off my chest. Ty wasn’t some random dude. We had been of and on for a few years. Obviously while I was with you, we were off and when you were consumed with Robyn, I was with Ty. That doesn’t change how bad I felt when things turned out the way they did. If I knew there was even a small possibility that Ty could have been Cindy’s dad, I wouldn’t have gone through with having her. I know that sounds fucked up but it’s true. He’s not the type of person I want to be connected to forever.”

“So, you’re saying that you would have had an abortion?” I quizzed, remembering the time Robyn suggested it and Kate flipped shit.

“Yes, only because he’s not equipped to be a parent. The only reason I told him she was his is because I thought him seeing her would be enough to encourage him to be better, especially towards me.”

“K… is he putting his hands on you?” I asked, looking in her eyes for the truth. She nodded as tears filled her eyes.

“He’s always been verbally abusive but since I had Cindy, he’s hit me twice. If I would have known he could be even worse towards me, I wouldn’t have told him about her. I just need a job so I can save enough money to start over somewhere he couldn’t possibly find us.”

“How about I just take care of him?” I asked, feeling a wave of anger boiling in my gut. Yeah, she did some fucked up things, but Kate didn’t deserve to be hit on.

“You can’t” she protested.

“I know people that can get away with it” I pressed.

“Oh, you mean…no, no, no. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing you had him killed!” she exclaimed. “He’s not a bad person, it’s just how he grew up. He had counseling and therapy but when he drinks everything, he learned flies out the window.”

“That’s bullshit and I hope you’re truly done with him. I’ll give you a job, I’m sure Tina can find some use for you. You can have a good amount saved within a couple of months.”  I suggested. “But you better not go back to that man. You deserve better”

“Well, would it be too much to ask if I wanted to stay here with you until I’m able to get my own place?” she pleaded.

“I don’t know it was rough when you were pregnant remember?”

“That’s different. My hormones were out of whack” she laughed. “but seriously can you at least think about it?”

“We’ll just take it a day at a time” I decided.

“Thank you so much!” she sighed, giving me a big hug. “Oh, and the other day you said something about losing your son...does that mean Robyn was pregnant?”

“It wouldn’t be from anyone else” I nodded “She lost him in a car accident a couple of days before my birthday.  

"Wait we were together at that time...so that's why you were so withdrawn. You were a complete dick to me" 

"I'm sorry...It wasn't personal" 

 "No, I get it now. You were in mourning and I'm sure our situation didn't make it any better." She sympathized. 

We spent the rest of the night playing with Diamond and Cindy and I couldn't help but wonder how things would've turned out if Cindy had been mine. Would I still be so in love with Robyn, or could I see myself falling for Kate and being a happy little family? For whatever reason, this is what God wanted. I just had to work on accepting it, so I can move on. 

“Chris someone is at the door” K announced, shaking my shoulder repeatedly.

“Okay. I’m, up I’m up” I replied as the knocking continued, louder this time.

When I opened the door, I was face to face with two police officers and the first thing that came to mind was something happened to mama.

“What’s going on officers?” I asked as my heart rate sped up, preparing for bad news.

“Are you Christopher Brown?” The first one asked, flipping his badge out.

"Yes"

“You are under arrest for the murder of Michelle Davis"

"this must be some kind of mistake” I tried to explain but neither of them was hearing it.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back” the first one ordered. I did as I was told, and he forcefully grabbed my hands and put them in cuffs.

“Chris… what’s going on?” K appeared with Cindy in her arms.

“Call my mom asap and let her know I need her. The phone password is 0220.” I yelled over my shoulder as they pulled me to the police car.

[it-might-be-wordless-blog]

Goner + migraine?

goner: have tøp helped you with your mental health at all?

Absolutely. A long time ago, I wrote a letter about this very thing. It was never really meant for anyone, it was just something that I needed to release. It’s very long. It’s very personal. However, I’ve made a promise to myself and others to always be true; there is healing in speaking your truth (in responsible transparency,) for both the speaker and the listener. Maybe some of you can relate. Maybe relatability is one of many doors to understanding and growth.

So here you go: ‘I’ve spent a majority of my life feeling lost. Evensurrounded by a family who loves me, I’ve felt completely alone, isolated, andmisunderstood. I struggle to put my thoughts and feelings into words that myloved ones will understand; that anyone will understand. Why do I feel the waythat I do about the world? About myself? Why am I only ever temporarily happy?Fleeting moments of joy, but always coming to an abrupt end; sometimes soquickly, into such a deep, dark, and toxic despair, the emotional whiplashleaving me exhausted. Always soexhausted; more than physically, but deeply, my soul itself drained.

As a teenager, I absolutely hated myself. There was nothingthat I could do that was enough to make me love myself or my appearance. Itdidn’t matter what anyone had to say. People always have something to say. Iwas bullied because I was a little different, looked a little different, but nomore so than anyone else. (Doesn’t everyone look a little different? Aren’t wesupposed to?) Kids can be mean. I don’t think that anyone escapes childhoodwithout a little verbal nastiness from their peers; so I’m not going to blamechildren. I was a child myself. In many ways, I’m still a child; always willbe, I think. I don’t blame them anymore than I blame my grandfather formolesting me. Or for the men who harassed me. They were sick, too. Do thesethings affect me? Of course. Of course.

But I think, maybe, my brain has alwaysbeen a little sick. Or maybe I was predisposed to illness? Is it intelligence?Or lack of? Maybe all of these things.

If I had understood why, then perhaps I wouldn’thave done what I did to myself. I remember the first time that I purged, andhow ashamed I was of myself; how can anyone be so petty, pathetic, so vain? There are people with ACTUALproblems, and look at you; hugging a toilet, fingers down your throat, wastingfood, wasting good tissue; that burn can’t be good.

Oh, but it was.

That burntook away the other in my brain, and for the rest of that day, in this sick,twisted nonsensical way,  I felt a littlebetter about myself; now I have control over this; a button, a switch that Ican flip at any time to make this dark thing cower, for just a little. Thatturned into six years of binging, purging, starving myself, constantlyexercising, not sleeping, crying, feeling horrible; but it was aboutcontrolling that dark thing, right? (I see now that on that day, I gave ITcontrol.)

Art has always been the constant. Creative expression alwayshelped me work through whatever this was. Drawing, writing, piddling around on a keyboard or a guitar; somethingto distract myself long enough to get out from under that dark thing. I’ll show you that I’m worth something; Ican make things, beautiful things with these fingers. You can ruin things with them too. 

I remember the first time a song really touched me on alevel so deeply that it literally knocked the purging right out of me. When Itell people, I feel ridiculous. “I listened to a song on repeat, and suddenly Ididn’t need to purge or starve myself anymore.” What?

‘No, you can’t keep lettingit get you down, and you can’t keep dragging that dead weight around. Cause ifyour mind don’t move, then your knees don’t bend. When the morning comes: letit go, this too shall pass.’

Justsome letters thrown together to form a few simple words, but they were theright ones.  I’m not telling you that myeating disorder was cured, just like that; the thoughts didn’t go away, theySTILL haven’t, but it gave me the strength necessary to control my urge topurge. No more self-harm. At least, not physically. (But then, isn’t it ALLphysical?) It’s almost comical, really, to think that almost as soon asI defeated that particular bit of nastiness, that demon, if you will, I becameaware of a much larger, much more draining gaggle of demons. I spent so muchtime worrying about what other people thought of what I looked like, (as if I could have helped that AT ALL; as ifthat should even be an issue for ANYONE,) what others thought of how I acted andwhat I thought, that I had completely neglected my internal self, and what Iwanted, who I wanted to be. I found myself already married. I had already givenup the one thing that I had always turned to; I had been accepted into arenowned art school, but turned that down for the sake of ‘practicality,’ andpartially because, unsurprisingly, I let the opinions of others control my ownthoughts. The death of that dream hurt so badly, but more because I let ithappen without fighting for it. Complacency can be a killer. I didn’t pick up apencil for two years.

The world itself is incredibly disheartening. The people init, the truly bad ones, make it so hard to have faith in anyone, in anything;to trust. Why should I ever make myself vulnerable to anyone? Keep to yourself,kid. Don’t let anyone in, and no one can hurt you the way they hurt others. Butthat hurts too. What is the point, if not to connect? What is the point of thisif there is only ugliness all over the world. Selfishness, waste, violence,ignorance, and hurt; so much hurt. Everywhere. Children, men, women, animals,the planet itself. Constantly bombarded with images and stories of pain. Not only that, but to be a young adult in this society (youknow, the one we created for ourselves,) is almost impossible. Finish highschool, go to college, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids, retire, anddie. Get up, get dressed, go to work, go to bed, sleep; maybe, and repeat. It’simpossible to make enough money to complete this checklist, and even if you do,it feels so hollow. I’m alive, but I’m not living.

Empty. Heavy. I’mnot alive.

This isn’t what I wanted for myself. How can this be what anyonewants for themselves? Why can’t I spend my whole day outside with the treesinstead of looking at them through a dirty window? When do I get some space?When does anyone? Why is no one else screaming these things? This isn’t right.Who am I? This world isn’t right. It’s sick. What do I want? I’m sick. What doI do? What do I say, and to who? I can’t even tell anyone what this is, becausewe’re selfish by nature. It’s only natural, right? What is right?

“How are you?” “Good, and you?” “Good.” Keep to yourself,and no one can hurt you. But that’s not true. You’re hurting yourself, kid.

I wrote this big long, drawn out piece of cerebral vomit totell you that I am once again being saved by music. My brother shared a songwith me not too long ago that sucker punched me right in the brain; becauseamidst all of the stupid pop songs about how great it is to be alive, this onewas true; and it was on the radio. ‘I wastold when I get older all my fears would shrink, but now I’m insecure, and Icare what people think. My name’s Blurryface and I care what you think.’ ‘Outof student loans and tree house homes, we all would take the ladder/latter.’‘Used to dream of outer space, but now they’re laughing in our face saying:wake up you need to make money.’ Holy shit, someone gets it. Someoneunderstands. This is on the radio? More letters turned to simple words, but, wow, did they hit me.

Immediately I went home and looked for more. I was notdisappointed. Never have I listened to an artist and loved every single song,every word, for every meaning. It was literally as if I was listening to thatpart of my brain that runs on repeat. All of those letters turned into words,into poetry, into art, into feeling and emotion.Understanding. It didn’t matter thatI couldn’t run to these guys and spill everything, to have a conversation,because we were already conversing. Excusethe pun, but that burn in my brain, that deep ache that had ached for so long, had been washed with water; soothed, calmed. I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m not the only who sees. Withevery word, every line the relief grew; a heaviness that I hadn’t even takenthe time to acknowledge began to lift from my soul.

What is life really, but toconnect? Words have so much power.

Let me just say, I’ve never wanted to kill myself. I’ve beenin a horrible place within, so many times, and in so many differentways. I’ve thought of death. I’ve thought about what the world would be likehere without me (I always came to the conclusion that while it might not make adifference to the world, it most definitely would to the people who love me. ) MaybeI’m too big a coward; or maybe the things that I do recognize in life asbeautiful are too valuable, too dear, too in need of cherishing, but I dounderstand depression, anxiety, and hurt.

Twenty One Pilots has re-awoken that creative part of methat I had given up on. Made me aware of how much my intentional creativeconstipation was actually hurting me. Itfeels so good to just do something constructive with my brain. I’m drawingand writing again. I’ve even gotten into playing the drums. (Can I just saythat literally beating your brain into submission while creating something;especially something that physically alters the air around you and producessuch a variety of complex sounds is exhilarating.)‘Are you searching forpurpose? Write something, and it might be worthless. Paint something, then itmight be wordless. No one else is dealing with your demons; meaning: maybedefeating them is the beginning of your meaning, friend.’

Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun have saved my light. Thank you. Ican’t say that I won’t ever get the chance to thank you in person, but here,now, I am nudging your consciousness with my own. I respect you. I see you. Thankyou.

‘I know where youstand, silent, in the trees. I want to know you, I want to see, I want to say:hello.’

migraine: what’s your favourite lyric?

‘Please don’t be afraid of what your soul is really thinking.’

Here is where I want to just say thank you for being there. All of you. Us. ||-//