#it’s almost pathetic but also not quite bc i know im missing a memory and not him himself
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#today i thought of this guy i used to like the whole drive around the city bc i listened to a song that reminded me of him#and it just dawned on me that i’ve only liked a measly 3 people in my life and they all lasted five years or more (him included)#sure i have a ton of small crushes in between but its only been them who were stuck in my head for YEARS .#idk why i’ve only come to accept that recently that he’s up there with the rest of the boys bc i swore the last one was top of the podium#hs crush you are DETHRONED 😩#but the thing is the whole affair with this man happened almost 4 years ago now but he’s just as stuck in my head as he was before#it’s almost pathetic but also not quite bc i know im missing a memory and not him himself#missed the way i felt then—the way he treated me whenever we talked but not him as a person#smth random just had to vent#OHHH he’s the only person i’ve been writing abt so if i drop a 13k trauma dump pls dont judge me#toff.txt
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