#it’s all good tho hehe i started a new save after i ran around the crash site hehe | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dearskz · 6 years ago

Text

i don’t like him pt. 1

Genre: school au, fuckboy au, angst, fluff + bullet points

Pairing: reader x changbin

Length: 1,458 words

Warning: profanity

Description: How not to fall in love with your school’s #1 fuckboy.

Part 2 (masterlist)

okay hehe this is another new thing for me

so it might be crap SORRY!

but i wanted to write something spontaneously that i wouldn’t overthink bc I do that a lot

ANYWAYS onto the story :)

there was one thing that you hated more than calculus

fuckboys

and seo changbin was the ultimate fuckboy

he would flirt with anyone and anything

ngl, he was pretty good at it

not that you would admit it tho

bc WE ARE NOT falling down that hole

nonononono

but you kind of understood why everyone at your school fell into his trap???

he was quite articulate with his words

one of the top students of your year

the star of multiple sports teams

not to mention an amazing rapper and singer

and wow have you seen him?

fucking gorgeous

^another thing you would not admit to

no stop, stop thinking that, get a hold of yourself y/n!

i don’t like him

it’s not like you hate him tho

he was your childhood best friend growing up

you used to do everything together

you just hate what he’s become

which is why you decided to distance yourself from him

WHICH IS A TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO YOUR BEST FRIEND

AND YOU KNEW THAT

but, after hitting puberty LIKE A TRUCK, people started noticing him more

he became cocky, flirtatious

the sweet and adorable changbin you knew started to disappear

or so you thought

watching him slowly change from someone you loved to be with 24/7 into someone that you couldn’t stand makes it that much harder to be around him

“HEY Y/N!!!” your best friend chaeyoung scared you from behind

“holy shit chaeyoung, please save my eardrums, i don’t plan on needing a hearing aid until I’m a 70-year-old raisin. ”

“you’re so fucking dramatic. i’ve called you 10 times, why didn’t you pick up? daydreaming about what could’ve been with changbin again?”

“you’re going to regret saying that when you have to walk home in the rain today.”

“SORRY jeez. it’s just that whenever you zone out, you’re usually thinking about him. you even say his name in your sleep sometimes.”

you felt yourself blushing

there is no way i say his name in my sleep

“i don’t like him.”

“i didn’t say you did.”

you glared at her, “oh my gosh you’re so annoying, just tell me why you called me so many times.”

“there’s a rumour going around that changbin is taking finally taking someone to the formal this year!”

“and you wanted to tell me this beecaausee???...”

“becauseeee it sounds like he’s finally settling down! isn’t that great? maybe that means he’s gonna stop being a fuckboy.”

you rolled your eyes

“woohoo, should i give him an award?”

chaeyoung sighed in defeat

“okay, fine. i know you don’t care but i thought it would’ve been good news because you could possibly become friends again… the break is about to end, i’ll see you after school y/n. bye!”

“bye, see you!”

you began walking back to class

maybe chaeyoung was right

maybe he’s trying to change

i mean it would be nice to be friends again, i miss him so much

2:34 pm

it was your last class of the day, school ends in less than half an hour

you were trying to finish your homework so you could binge on vlive videos

(y’all know who u are, aka me)

it also happened to be the day before formal tickets went on sale

it was so hard to hear yourself think because your obnoxious seatmate was batting her eyelashes at changbin

“changbinnie~ are you excited for the formal? are you taking someone this year? who?? i still need a date you know….”

“that’s a secret, but hopefully it’s someone as pretty as you” he winked

wtf gross, can class end faster?

suddenly you got a text from student council

[2:40] woojin: emergency meeting in rm 214 right after school!

shit, i have to tell chaeyoung that I can’t drive her home today

[2:29] y/n: hey, sorry but an emergency council meeting came up! [2:29] my bae chae: np, i’ll catch a ride with dahyun! be careful tho, it’s raining rlly hard later today!! [2:30] y/n: dw i will! luhh u bish [2:30] my bae chae: luh u too biiishh

4:35 pm

the meeting took a long time bc yall needed some last minute DJ’s for the formal

long story short: it took a lot of phone calls

but don’t worry, it’s gucci now

after saying bye to your fellow council members, you began making your way to your car

it began pouring right before the meeting ended and you were hoping that it would die down soon

but it didn’t

just then you saw changbin waiting at the front entrance

ahh it’s monday, he usually walks home on mondays

wait why do i know that

you felt guilty

i guess i could offer him a ride??? he does live across the street…

“HEy chANgbIn!” just came out of your mouth

that was a fucking croak, i just sounded like a toad what is wrong with me

“oh hey y/n”

“..uh.. so... why are you still at school?”

“i was giving some basketball pointers to our freshmen.”

“wow, smart, attractive, and a saint? what else can you do seo changbin?”

i did not just say that out loud, save me

he chuckled and gave you a warm smile

you forgot how much you missed that beautiful smile of his

“apparently i can make you flush like a red tomato too.”

that only made you blush harder

you tried to hide your face from any more embarrassment

“d-do you want a ride home? i don’t want you to be caught in the rain…. we live on the sam-”

“yes y/n, i very much appreciate a ride home from you, thank you.”

“no problem… let’s go”

impulsively, you grabbed his hand and ran through the rain towards your car

i’m just continuously surprising myself today, aren’t i?

still, his hand fit so nicely in yours

holding his hand brought back so many memories

perhaps it was seeing his gentle smile again

or talking to him for the first time in a year

that made you forget that you weren’t best friends anymore

you got to your car in no time but you were both drenched

“i should have a few clean towels in my gym bag, so we can dry off when we get inside.”

“cool, thanks. but y/n?” he faced you

“yes changbin?” you stared into his eyes

“i can’t get inside if you’re still holding my hand” he smirked

“OH R-RIGHT. sorry aha.”

you quickly ran to the driver's side and slammed the door

you both quickly dried your soaking wet hair before heading home

you sat in silence for the first few minutes

“hey you can play some music if you want,” you said handing him the aux cord with one hand

“ah, thanks.”

a familiar tune began playing

“omg is this-”

“1AM BY TAEYANG,” you both said at the same time

you looked at each other and laughed

“i guess we still have the same taste in music.”

“you acquired your taste of music from me. remember all the mixtapes i would make for you?”

“i guess i did. they were really good mixtapes. i guess i owe it to you, thanks, y/n!”

“what do you mean?”

“for kinda getting me into music… .and encouraging me to pursue a music career a few years ago before… before we stopped talking…”

“oh… right…”

even the music couldn’t help the awkward silence in the car the rest of the way home

you pulled into his driveway just as the rain cleared up

“thank you again for the ride home y/n. it was nice talking to you. I miss you.”

you missed the last part because you spent the entire time thinking about how selfish it was to cut off your best friend just because of a silly thing like popularity

why did i even care back then? so what if more than half the school swoons over him? it’s not like i care right? he was my best friend

i didn’t like him

i don’t like him

“y/n? are you alright? did you catch a cold?”

changbin put his hand on your forehead

you weren’t sick but you could feel butterflies in your stomach

did i have milk today ahahaha silly me, i always forget that i’m lactose intolerant ahhaah

“N-NO! sorry, I just zoned out for a bit. i’ll see you at school changbin.”

he withdrew his hand and began to step out of the car

“yeah, right. see you at school y/n.” he said without looking back

220 notes · View notes

smuttyfairy · 7 years ago

Text

Squares [2.]

if you've never been alone how you know yourself? If you ain't up on the water how you grow yourself? You should love you so much that you go Marylin Manson and blow yourself It's some things that you gotta learn that only you can show yourself - Mick Jenkins (feat. Noname & Xavier Omar) “Angles” [1.] Genre: Angst (Smut later) Summary: You’ve ran away and tried to start over, but the demons you run from keep you up at night. The only thing to comfort you is cancer sticks and mind tricks. But this guy isn’t a mind trick, he’s a wake up call. (Yoongi x Reader) [2: They say you should love yourself, but why should you? ] Warnings: Smoking, Trauma, Possible Triggers. Word Count: 2,576 Written by: Smutty Jaefairy A/N: Don’t smoke kids, third chapter sometime soon.

Disappointment, regret. They go hand in hand. You expect the most from people, that if you put in enough time that they will do the same. It's hard, because life is unfair. You have to do everything you can, but that doesn't mean that others will. You're expected to go to classes to help your emotions, therapy, a psychiatrist, a social worker, and keep you caseworker in the know. Oh, don't forget your job. Those 20 hours a week to satisfy people who don't care about your well being. They just want to buy their items and get out. You have to be on top of everything, even if everyone else isn't. You've done a great job, you keep on the ball with everything. Mostly. But something has to give sometimes.

Sometimes your therapist lies. She tells you she'll see you every two weeks, but it's always just once a month. So you use your coping skills. You distract yourself, you change your train of thought, you surround yourself around people who care. It's not as if she's doing it on purpose, you know this. It still hurts. Whenever someone changes an appointment, or something gets canceled, it hurts. Nodding and giving approval that it's okay is the only thing you can do. Why tell anyone why you feel the way you do?

Because it's irrational. People have lives and you can't expect everything from them. It's selfish. Just shut up and smile, don't fuck this up.

When your caseworker calls you friend, some days it makes you feel better, sometimes it feels like a stab in the chest. Why would anyone want to be your friend? Is she lying?

Everyone lies, because you know inside you're not good enough.

You're disappointed in yourself, you regret living.

But you keep on going, you have to.

Don't. fuck. this. up.

---

Jimin sat across from you in the small cafe shop down the street from where you were staying. He was sensitive to your situation, so he would always call it "The Program."

"How is the program going, Y/n? I haven't seen you in forever. You should let me take you to lunch sometimes." He sipped his iced americano, his dirty blonde hair sticking up in some places. This was always comforting. Jimin would come to see you some days as soon as he woke up. He never left the house unless he looked presentable, but for you he'd show his relaxed side. Grey sweatpants snugged to his waist, you both wearing generic black hoodies. He hadn't washed his face yet, little crusty eye sand sticking to the duct in his eye. He glanced out the window, watching the morning traffic as he sipped the coffee lazily.

"It's going okay, I'm doing well. " You said, sipping your iced chai tea. You both were quirky, opting for something cold in the mornings and something warm in the evenings. " I'm allowed to do overnight passes now."

Jimin looked at you, a lazy smile gracing his lips as he took the straw out of his mouth. "We should do something fun then. "

"No drugs, no drinking." You warned. He nodded, understanding you couldn't indulge in those types of things anymore. Not like you wanted to anyway. It was easy to slip into your dark place with the wrongs things in your system. It was also a reminder that you weren't likeable. When you were high and/or drunk, you were completely different. Y/n is so much fun when she's drunk.

Disappointing you couldn't be as much fun sober. Oh, well.

"Not even cigarettes and wine?" Jimin sipped again, raising an eyebrow. He knew you weaknesses too well.

"Well..just those two." Something has to give, once in a while could be alright.

"Hehe, okay." He broke his chocolate doughnut in two, giving you one half. The coffee shop was dim lit, rundown couches and love seats decorated the place. It was a little mellow, the place didn't take itself seriously. The barista was a chill dude with muscles and eyes that seemed to twinkle everytime he laughed. He was big on the gym and fitness, but never shoved it down anyone throat. This place was what you needed sometimes. To get away from the chaos of everything and to just breathe. As you bit into your half of the doughnut, you wiped your mouth, the taste of cinnamon and chocolate filling your mouth.

"Chim chim, when would you want to hang out?" You asked, swallowing the sugary pastry.

"Well, friday I'm hanging out with some college friends. Namjoon would be there, tho."

Oh, dear. Your kind of, sort of ex. Kim Namjoon. You both were very much alike. Intellectuals with a habit of breaking things on accident. When you both expressed mutual feelings you were on cloud nine. It was really nice. Really, really nice. But you both were busy, and after the first time having sex, the usual routine set in. Things got stale, you ended up making the move more than once. He was depressed, you were depressed. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship. The person you felt so comfortable with became a stranger. That was life, it was just another scar that needed to heal.

"That's fine, I'm not mad at him or anything like that. I can be civil. " You took another sip, pushing every feeling down. It would grow, but you'd worry about that later. You'd be fine for now. Your fingers fished your pockets, you felt your pack of cigarettes. It was light, meaning that you probably had three or four left.

"Well, alright. I think you two should clear up everything anyways. You guys were good friends." Jimin sucked on the remains of his coffee ice through his straw, the annoying sound distracting your thoughts.

"Jimin, walk with me to the gas station? I need some more cigarettes." You asked, finishing your half. He nodded, pushing back his chair as he threw away his cup. You followed, waving bye to the barista. He gave you both a smile as you left, the warm city air hitting you slowly.

As the two of you strolled towards the gas station, you both chatted about nonsense. Jimin was telling you about his boyfriend and how he was really into painting right now.

"Man, it's such a pain to get the paint out of the carpet, but it makes him happy so I put up with it. " He gave a carefree giggle, sighing.

Absentmindedly, you lit a cigarette. Namjoon was still in the back of your mind, neighboring other unwanted thoughts. "You could always put a plastic tablecloth down or some newspaper. Save you both some time. "

"That's a good idea, Y/n! You're always giving good advice." He patted your back, a bright smile on his face. You felt your lips grow into a shy smile, nudging away from him.

"Shut up, Jimin. " You murmured, sucking into your cigarette.

"You really gotta give yourself more credit. Did you start the five good things about yourself every week thing?"

Oh yeah, your therapist wanted you to do that. Well, your first therapist. Then she quit for a better job. Ever since she left, you forget half of what she told you. What did it matter? You were meeting a new therapist next week anyways. You gave jimin a shrug, exhaling as you two crossed the road. He frowned, poking you in the head.

"It's not for her, Y/n. It's for you."

You looked at him, a serious look on his face.

"You keep thinking you're not good for anyone, but once you can get out of that you can see otherwise. No one can want it for you. You gotta want it yourself."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who wants it."

"Hm." That's all Jimin said, holding the door open for you.

As you picked up some random snacks, Jimin asked the cashier for some black and milds. Which meant Jimin started smoking weed again. You weren't against it, but you knew your best friend well. He only smoked when he was under alot of pressure. You never were one to prod, but so was he. You both had an unspoken rule; Let me come to you about my baggage when I'm ready. Just be ready to unpack it and help me put it back. You both were good at keeping it. So you observed, and kept to yourself. You bought some extra juices and chips. As you finished, Jimin noticed your bag was a little heavier than usual.

"Are you having a party?" He asked as you handed him some chips. Shaking your head, you handed him a pepsi.

"Nah, just stocking up." You bought it for Suga, but you hadn't mentioned him to Jimin yet.

You started seeing each other normally. Usually two or three times a week. It took a few weeks to warm up to him, but you both were somewhat friendly now. As friendly as two morbid and quiet people could be. Before you stepped out, you forgot the reason why you came.

"Fuck, gimme a second Jimin. I need to go back and get cigarettes." Handing him your bag, you walked back in. Behind the register, in an organized fashion, stood different colored boxes. Different brands and different types. Bold, Menthol, light. No matter the packaging, at the end of the day you were killing yourself. Whatever you got just fancied you. If you like a minty aftertaste with your suicide, get menthol. If you're watching your health, get light. You don't give a fuck? Get non-menthol. You're riding the one way train to hell with broken brakes? Get bold.

"Pack of Newport 100's. Red please."

As the Cashier handed you the pack and you handed him the money you glanced at them longingly. What fancied you about these, were these were the pack you first smoked. The first time you ever smoked, you were in his car. Half naked with the windows halfway down and his drunken eyes staring into yours. It was a reminder of what you were, It was a trigger. You knew you should have given them up, but it was the one thing you could control. It kept the dark place from growing, but it was also a catalyst.

It was a vicious cycle, just like he was.

You took your change and walked out the store, you eye catching the gaze Jimin gave you. He glanced at the pack, then at you. You knew in your heart that he knew, and that he was disappointed everytime you bought them.

Well, that just made two of you.

---

The smoke danced in the air, floating to the moon and fading into the darkness. Tonight the moon filled the sky on it's own, no stars. You smoked while Suga sat across from you. Next to him was his pack and the lukewarm Pepsi you brought him.

"You're really quiet tonight." His head was laying on the table, his arms folding into a cushion for his head. He already smoked his cigarette and was indulging in your secondhand smoke.

"Something my best friend said is on my mind." You let the filter hang from your lips, the ash falling onto your cupped hands.

"Is that why you couldn't sleep tonight?" Suga raised his head, resting his face in his hand. His eyes watched you inhaling and exhaling.

"Sort of."

"So what did they say?" He asked, his tongue prodding the side of his cheek. He did that a lot.

"He says that I need to see that I'm good enough for others. But they always disappoint me, I'm starting to think it's me."

"What if it isn't?" He took another cigarette out, lighting up and joining you.

"What if it is?"

"Do you love yourself, Y/n?"

You took out your cigarette and thought about the question. You couldn't remember the last time you could say you did. Man, If you had a chance to die right now, you probably would take it. He didn't need to know that.

"I don't know." You settled on that answer and stubbed out what was left of your cigarette.

"Why not? You should love yourself." You snorted at his comment, and he raised an eyebrow. "How do you expect anyone else to care if you don't?"

"I don't know." There were moments where you both would have these kind of conversations. Suga wasn't surprised at your answer, you loved to shut down when he gave advice. Maybe because you knew he was running from something also. You wished he was good at reading you, that he wouldn't try to prod. It made you uncomfortable, but you weren't anxious around him.

"You could try. It's a struggle, though." Tilting your head to his statement, he licked his lips and continued. "You could hate yourself, but then it just makes you hate everything. You suck, so life sucks. Get it?"

It made sense. Maybe if you felt a little better about yourself you wouldn't feel like your life was shit. There had to be a silver lining. Something had to give.

"Do you love yourself, Suga?" He laughed dryly, the last of his cigarette falling to the table, losing it's glow.

"I love parts of me. I hate parts of me. I'm working on it. Life is great sometimes, Life is shitty sometimes. " You smiled at him and nodded, you could feel that. Part of you felt somewhat at ease, reason taking over. There were people that cared, even if they were busy. You sat in silent, watching the moon's glow for a few moments. After a while you got up, dusting off your pants.

"I think I'm gonna go. I'll see you later, Suga." As you walked off, your heard his shoes crunch on the ground.

"Hey Y/n. If you want to see a change in your atmosphere, you should start with yourself." You looked back at him, open to anything he said at this moment. "We should start with ourselves."

"Ourselves?" It felt as if he was going to make you do some emotional exercise. You groaned and he scoffed, walking towards you.

"Yeah, start with this." He stepped closer. You noticed how thin his black hair was, also how you both could see each other eye to eye. His breath smelled like cinnamon candies and cigarettes. "Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the way your eyes shine. The way your nose crinkles when you laugh. The way your teeth stick out a little, but not too much. They're cute. Look at yourself in the mirror and just have a conversation. See what you like. Talk to yourself. "

"You say it as if you've done it before."

"I do it everyday, I don't have anyone else to talk to." He stepped back and walked off, giving you a half wave. Suga disappeared into the night and left you feeling a weird pain in your chest.

That following morning you looked at yourself in the mirror. You gazed at the rings under your eyes, the way your hair looked when it was dry. You found yourself wanting to take care of the girl in the mirror, that she should look her best. Without thinking, words spilled from your lips.

"Man, you deserve better than this. Let's fix you up."

#yoongi #yoongi angst #yoongi smut #bts angst #bts smut #suga angst #min yoongi #jimin angst #bts scenarios #yoongi scenarios

67 notes · View notes