#it’s about the mortifying ordeal of being known…the shame of showing your true self

[olivexing]

Ben recognizes her friend, who is exposed to be a sea monster-

He didn’t want her to find out.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Just Some Proof I'm Writing This Fic:

The Fic has turned into a fucking Monster now, but I have the Tentative Chapter Titles for all of The Power Of Friendship (And This Gun I Found!)!! It's a Long Post, so the whole list is under the cut, but the Seasons are called:

Season One: Channel Island Caper

Season Two: Battle Royale With Cheese

Season Three: Make Lovecraft, Not Warcraft

Season Four: The Height Of Idiocy Is About The Same As This Tower

Season Five: Santorini Dreamin'

Season Six: It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Season One: Channel Island Caper

Episode 1: It's Not Like Any Of Us Were Going To College Anyway

Episode 2: There Was Definitely Room For Both Of Them On That Door

Episode 3: Parks And Desolation

Episode 4: A Very Particular Set Of Skills

Episode 5: How to Mine For Phish

Episode 6: We Can Have A Little Murder. As A Treat.

Episode 7: The Clown Pagliacci

Episode 8: Kink Shaming Is My Kink

Episode 9: Monster Mash (ed peas)

Episode 10: Does Anyone Know Where The Mountain Dew Is?

Episode 11: The Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known

Episode 12: Friendship Speech

Episode 13: The Theological Implications Of Bugs Bunny

Episde 14: There's No Business Like Show Business

Episode 15: When Did Mötley Crüe Become Classic Rock?

Episode 16: Noodle Incident

Episode 17: This Episode Contains The Worst Joke You've Ever Heard

Episode 18: Dante's Disco Inferno

Episde 19: Ancient Egyptian Large Hadron Collider

Episode 20: That Belongs In A Museum!

Episode 21: My Husband With An Economics And Finance Degree Helped Me Write This Chapter

Episode 22: The Gods Have No Fury Like A Parent Scorned

Season 2: Battle Royale With Cheese

Episode 23: Maybe Next Time Use LoJack?

Episdoe 24: Ancient Egyptian Large Hadron Collider, Now With Pictures Because I Heard Y'all Were Stupid

Episode 25: Having Fun Ain't Hard, When You Have A Library Card!

Episode 26: Terms And Conditions Apply

Episode 27: Foresight is 50/50

Episode 28: Do You Do Children's Parties?

Episode 29: Ivermectin

Episode 30: Clown College Dropout

Episode 31: In Which You All Get To Learn About My Special Interest

Episode 32: IntricateRituals.meme

Episode 33: Ride Of the Valkyries

Episode 34: Math Problem

Episode 35: Because Things Went So Well With the Hindenberg

Episode 36: It's Like A Seder With Vincent Price

Episode 37: Feature Creep

Episode 38: Man's Best Friend

Episode 39: Above All, To Thine Own Self Be True

Episode 40: So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish

Episode 41: Midnight Bender At Bernie's

Season Three: Make Lovecraft, not Warcraft:

Episode 42: Breakfast Club

Episode 43: Monster Factory

Episode 44: Beautiful And Terrible As The Dawn

Episode 45: One Is A Genius, the Other's Insane

Episode 46: Mine Will Be The Shiniest Empire

Episode 47: He'll Kick Himself When He Remembers The Rocket Boots

Episode 48: Deus Vult, Motherfuckers

Episode 49: Frankenstein Has Some Regrets

Episode 50: Scooby Doo Hall Scene

Season Four: The Height Of Idiocy Is About The Same As This Tower

Episode 51: Who's on First, What's on Second-

Episode 52: Chess With A Pigeon

Episode 53: Master Of Ceremonies

Episode 54: The Steaks Are High

Episode 55: Fuck Around-

Episode 56: -And Find Out

Episode 57: Beach Episode

Episode 58: An Old Priest And A Young Priest

Episode 59: Nobody's-Getting-Any-Slumber Party

Season 5: Santorini Dreamin'

Episode 60: Ignoring The Most Important Dungeons And Dragons Rule

Episode 61: Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Thefts Do!

Episode 62: (in)Human After All

Episode 63: Destroy Your Local Golf Course

Episode 64: GIRL'S NIGHT!!

Episode 65: You Can Keep Your El Dorado, And To Hell With Burgundy!

Episode 66: It's Constantinople, Not Istanbul

Episode 67: The Most Dangerous Game

Episode 68: 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation' Essay

Season Six: It's The End Of The World As We Know It :)

Episode 69 (nice): It's Just A Jump To The Left!

Episode 70: At Least David Bowie Isn't In Here, Fondling His Balls?

Episode 71: All According To Keikaku

Episode 72: A Stranger In Paradise

Episode 73: Oh Mama I'm In Fear For My Life From The Long Arm Of The Law

Episode 74: That Left Turn At Albaquerque

Episode 75: The Power Of Friendship (+4 ATK/+10DMG)

Episode 76: Ammemoarpigi

Episode 77: I Hate Ending Stories, So I'm Not Going To.

I seem to be clocking an average of 5K per chapter so this beast will probably be... 385,000 words (72% of a Le Miserables) when I'm done?

lol.

[hopetwink]

maybe. just maybe. angsty anti love potion with kamukoma?

ask and ye shall receive 

Title: Aftertaste

Pairing: Izuru Kamukura x Nagito Komaeda

Genre: Angst; (Emotional) Hurt No Comfort (Unrequited Love/Pining)

Category: Oneshot

Background/Briefly Mentioned Characters: Junko Enoshima, Seiko Kimura, Kazuichi Souda

Content Warning(s): Implied (one-time) drug abuse, unhealthy idolization, use of a substance that results in emotional numbing

(ao3 link)

Komaeda turned the bottle over in his hand for the eleventh time that morning. He’d nicked it from Kimura’s lab once Souda had finished ripping the place apart in a frenzied search for spare parts. Something about building “the biggest, most awesomest beacon of despair known to mankind” which sounded an awful lot like another attempt to win Enoshima’s affection, or more accurately, a catastrophe waiting to happen.

In his humble (though honestly quite worthless) opinion, affection was overrated. Love that couldn’t sustain itself without reciprocation was just one’s selfish desires masquerading as romantic feelings, and no different than senselessly believing in a false hope. Souda’s feelings for Enoshima were tainted by despair; he could never expect to win her rotten heart through underhanded tactics such as flattery. 

However, on the subject of true love, Komaeda, Souda, and most of the other Remnants seemed to agree on one key philosophy: usefulness was the variable that determined whether or not one was worthy to be loved in return. 

Once someone stops being useful, they no longer deserve love. 

Repeating the mantra several times over in his head, he ignored the icy fist that had an iron grip around his heart. If only Komaeda was simply unworthy of love, he might not consider such a reckless course of action. But two days ago, he had proven to Kamukura that he was the lowest of the low, tactless scum so wretched and disgustingly filthy that he no longer deemed himself worthy of his own humanity. He no longer deserved to love Kamukura--no, perhaps he’d lost that privilege long ago, the moment he’d presumptuously offered his unsolicited services in return for permission to bask in the Ultimate Hope’s glory. As if he had any right to ask for something like that in the first place.

Pathetic. 

Komaeda’s fingernails scraped along the outside of the bottle as he unconsciously tightened his grasp, screeching unpleasantly against the glass. Despite his obvious shortcomings, he really was grateful for this stroke of luck--to think that the accomplished Ultimate Chemist had found a way to decrease the production of both oxytocin and cortisol in the brain at once without rendering the subject obsolete, a truly groundbreaking feat! If she were still alive today, he would be completely indebted to her. His predicament would only be temporary, and he owed it all to Kimura. Maybe there was even a chance he could still be useful to Kamukura in some way. All he had to do was drain every last drop and dispose of the evidence. 

But for some reason, Komaeda couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

He fidgeted with the cap, nonchalantly smoothing his thumb over its grooves and edges. While his feelings inconvenienced Kamukura greatly, he couldn’t help but fret over whether or not a version of himself incapable of love would show him the appropriate amount of respect. Of course pure, unbridled love should never be a precursor to respect, but the thought of being unable to understand why it would be inappropriate to complain about the conditions of his servitude mortified him, and as far as he knew, he’d still be capable of feeling shame. 

Komaeda wondered what Kamukura would do if he was here, watching him mull over the possible outcomes for each choice at the pace of a snail. He’d most likely be indifferent; perhaps feel some semblance of relief that Komaeda, who was no doubt a constant thorn in his side, would no longer cling to him like a shadow during his every waking moment. (Assuming Kamukura’s chemically altered brain allowed him to.) Or maybe even somewhat curious about what might happen to his deteriorating body and mind. Perhaps he’d object, claiming the hassle of dealing with any potential side effects outweighed the benefits. But otherwise, Komaeda could think of nothing that would cause the Ultimate Hope to actively dissuade him. 

As he closed his eyes, the image of dark, cold pity was seared into his memory. It burned sharp and white hot behind his eyelids, every line and muscle of Kamukura’s face etched into the skin there with jagged lightning. While he felt unsure of how best to proceed, one thing was certain: he never wanted to provoke that expression from his master again. It had hurt more than when he severed his own hand, fractured him into tiny little pieces that were crushed into dust under the heel of those shiny black shoes. No matter the personal cost, he couldn’t allow that to happen again.

Before Komaeda could consciously choose to drink it, his body decided for him. In one swift movement, he pulled off the cap, tilted his head back, and held the bottleneck between his lips until no sticky green residue remained. The bitter taste it left behind made him grimace, and despite his best efforts, he couldn’t stop himself from gagging and subsequently wiping his mouth with a sleeve. The experience was more unpleasant than he’d expected, and he caught himself before he could regret his actions.

But none of that really mattered now, as long as he could still be useful to Kamukura.

Tossing the empty bottle into a nearby pile of rubble, Komaeda went about his day and waited for the medicine to take effect. After washing their dirty clothes in the abandoned laundromat and hanging them out to dry, he wasn’t tired. If anything, it felt as if a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. 

Slowly, Komaeda forgot what it felt like to love. After five minutes, he didn’t remember what he’d been so worried about in the first place, and after ten, the memory of earning Kamukura’s disdain faded from importance. Once half an hour had passed, Komaeda found the entire ordeal foolish--Kamukura was undoubtedly a great man, but surely one little mistake was nothing to worry about. 

An hour passed, and Komaeda gradually lost the ability to care what Kamukura thought of him. In the back of his mind, an inkling of a thought tickled his brain, telling him he shouldn’t think of the Ultimate Hope as just another man, but he brushed it off. By the time his master came home, reeking of sweat and blood with his long black hair tangled ferociously, Komaeda almost recoiled at his presence. What had he found so attractive about this walking mess in the first place? His own past self’s desires were beyond his comprehension. 

The poker face must have slipped, because Kamukura immediately seized on the tension in the air. He crossed the room with a few long strides, tilting his head to the side. Komaeda could practically see the gears in his head turning, but for some reason, not even the wheezy laugh that tickled the insides of his cheeks escaped him. 

“Something is… different.”

Those words came out flat and apathetic, tinged with wariness, but the glint in his eyes betrayed him. 

Komaeda shrugged. “So?”

“What have you done.” Spoken not as a question, but a command. An order Komaeda supposed he ought to follow.

“Surely someone as intelligent as you can figure that much out on your own.”

Narrowing his eyes, the man stepped forward once more, into his servant’s personal space. “I have no interest in whatever game you are attempting to play. If you do not want to cooperate, I will simply leave you to your own devices and continue my search for entertainment elsewhere.”

Komaeda met his gaze unflinchingly. Deep down, a part of him vaguely wondered if his former self would weep at the next words that left his lips. 

“Go ahead.”