#it’s a wilf ride lol

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Was talking to my gf today about how female socialisation and homosexuality collide (when two worlds collide~ ✨) in a lesbian relationship. Because I , who I think is pretty objectively ugly, looks at my gf, who is objectively very attractive (like she grew up with sooooo many people telling her to became a model ) I get hit with the homosexuality like : oh my GOD you are hot 😍♥️ , and then hit with the female socialisation like: I’m going to hyper analyse everything about your appearance and compare it against my own and feel like utter shit about myself and feel self conscious walking next to you or taking a photo with you because being next to your beauty highlights how ugly I am.

[interstitties101]

Ok my official dr who specials commentary bc no one asked and that’s why I’m doing it:

Star beast (re-watch already lol)~

They needed to compose proper theme music for this. The themes from the first era were too strong and emotive to skip over for this return - whether they kept the old ones or made new ones, there should’ve been character themes

Not a huge fan of the “whoniverse” thing just bc it gives MCU/DC universe stuff and it would’ve been cool if they did it differently

The floaty “last time on dr who” monologue - I understand why it was necessary for audiences who aren’t familiar with that era but damn they could’ve done it differently. Like tardis/London footage with a voiceover, not a monologue to the camera that felt like a trailer

LOVE the new title sequence. So colorful, beautiful, lovely.

They should’ve had a different way of the dr landing on earth. Also I hated the commercially happy music they used. Ik RTD wanted to bring in that goofiness but it came across more as cheesy bc of the pacing and music and it would’ve been better to have the scene be of tension and confusion - like why did this face come back? Why are the timelines converging? This could be a massive problem. They should’ve started the episode with 14 stepping out of the tardis in London, getting his bearings, and running into Donna [cue title sequence] and then getting into the silliness of it a la S4e1. That pacing would’ve been much punchier imo

Bro needs to commit to buttoning that vest or not ffs!! Donna was right even if she was rude abt it 💅🏽

Establishing the tension from the start also would’ve made the sudden arrival of the spaceship more fitting, less out of place - like heightening the danger rather than splatting it in (yes that’s a word bc I say so)

They should’ve made rose more bonkers given that she’s donna’s daughter… why is she so normal

AGAIN with the music. Be more interesting plz

Love the taxi ride with Shaun. Lmao Nerys mention

Seeing 14 not act just like 10 is So weird for me. Completely appropriate, obviously, but still. I’m like Why Are U Acting Like That Stop It Whats Wrong Ur Acting Weird

Donna is such a great mum.

The kitchen convo is PERFECT, no notes.

Great performance w Donna’s mum. Just the same as always, those two.

Again - it’s so weird that Rose is different from Donna. Like girl why are you not freaking out about this alien and are actively protecting it???

The meep’s dialogue in the alleyway (and later) makes much more sense given the reveal later. Like I was wondering why it was so crazy cheesycutesygoofy… it seemed a bit out of place

Ok the integration of 10’s theme - FANTASTIC. Wish they did much more of that. 👁️👁️

The dr talking to Shirley had so much exposition stuff that I personally think should’ve been at the start somehow. Or j much earlier imo. Like- they should’ve j had this bit earlier instead of the floaty monologue.

Love Shirley’s character btw.

Wish they didn’t have to cram so much stuff into this episode cuz if they were able to slow down the dialogue, it would’ve been so much more emotionally impactful. Like rose and the meep’s dialogue abt feeling alone/an other.

“What the hell” is appropriate, thank you Donna!!!

“YOU… 🤬🤬🤬” “Sylvia!!😙😙😙!” BAHAHHAHAHHA GETTIM

Very good chaos, thank you!!!!!! 😊👍🏽

Wilf!!!!!!!! He loved that man!!!!!!!! He died for that man!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

The explicit pronouns convo is so funny to me. Get fucked UK terfdom. Love u RTD, absolute icon

The “not today thanks” was so 13 lol loved it

The sonic is so beefed now it’s crazy. But I like it. I didn’t think I would but it’s sick. Love Sylvia’s reaction to it too

Love dt’s little run in place to get the meep moving

Thank you Donna for keeping everyone grounded in reality. “My house!!!!?!???!” Like YEAH HOLY SHIT!!

Sonic screwdriver explanation? Why? 14 needs to take the memory thing more seriously and stop having fun showing off (classic 10) bc it also gives the danger less weight

Shoutout captain Singh I love seeing Indian ppl in dr who nowadays. LONG awaited, much needed.

Passing by the sleeping guy is SO 11/moffat era

Seeing cheesy activities with high budget effects is so weird to me. The effects need to be less good for the whole thing to fit imo lolll

Love 14 being logically ahead of everyone and not telling anyone anything. But also they should’ve given him more “figuring out” shots in the action before the garage scene. Pacing again.

The wig was so random. King of giving no explanation whatsoever before doing things. Also shoutout lighting for making dt look like he has eyeliner on. Cunty. A little sexy for a man in a court wig tbh. I like it

The meep betrayal was THE craziest plot twist. I was NOT expecting that, esp after all the interviews talking abt how cute the meep was from the comics.

Donna is so right to be mad abt not knowing who the dr is. Bro is really edging her memory 😭😂. Wish they had more classic “10 looking sad and conflicted” shots. Would’ve added punch.

Rose is way too calm through all of this. Girl act more scared

The meep is scary fr. Why is everyone so calm - they’re being taken hostage by a rabid chihuahuasquirrelalien. Genuinely they need to look more scared, why are they just standing there looking mildly concerned

There needed to be a slight pause or change in the music to reintroduce Shirley. Reveals like that necessitate some sort of shift in the flow of the backing music. Otherwise her appearance doesn’t seem as surprising and punchy - it’s just like another leaf in the stream

Sylvia is really legging it for an older woman damn. Good for her.

Great slide dt that was sick. 10/14 stays moving so much more athletically than all the other drs fr. And honestly? I soooooo fuck with that. Stunt on em girl

More pacing (time) is again needed for the control room scene. These are phenomenal actors!! Give them time to let their words hit you!!!! Punches don’t mean anything without follow-through so give them room to follow through!!! The pauses between dialogue are clipped. There needs to be no music, just a lot of empty audio space for them to punctuate.

“No you are NOT!!!!! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS??!!!” and then that sad sad loving look. Ugh. Dt is too good. GIVE HIM MORE TIME!!!!’nn

The winter solider programming is so unserious to me wth. I wish they’d done the physical touch thing instead but whatevs. Also how come it took Donna so long to remember all this shit when it took her like 20 secs to remember it all when the whole master thing was happening? Was it time apart? Getting used to alien stuff over the years?

Donna talking abt her money before anything else is SO funny. Real.

Using the classic 11 music for Donna popping off is like - I missed that theme but she should’ve had smth from s4

The “it’s working!!!!!!!” with the hands in the air is so 11 lmao

Ugh again with the PACING!!!!! THEIR FRIENDSHIP MEANT SO MUCH!!!!! THEY NEEDED SO MUCH MORE TIME TO BE EMOTIONAL TOGETHER!!!!!!! THAT COULDVE BEEN HER FUCKING DYING FR FR AND THEY WERE LIKE “🤷🏽… damn that’s craaaaaaaaazy”

They should’ve had the rose reveal thing running in cuts at the same time as the rest of the scene, not as a quick flashback imo. That would’ve made their explaining everything less cheesy cuz it would’ve felt more like them realizing than them explaining things to us

“Jammy”? Was that a reference I missed or smth? I don’t get why that was in there

The superhero pose at the end with the meep… 🙄 be so fr lol

The music CONTINUES to piss me off

The “male presenting time lord” is so stupid. Isn’t the whole point that gender and sex don’t dictate anything fr, especially belief? Like what if maybe the dr just didn’t get the whole thing abt letting but they did because of perspective differences, not gender differences?? He was a woman like 4 hrs ago!! And the dr, especially 10/14, is known to be a stubborn sonofabitch. It makes more sense to have it be a critique abt his character (which is a classic Donna thing to do) than some weird commentary abt womanhood. But anyway.

Also I’m sorry but rose’s character needed to be much more emotive throughout.

The dr and Donna needed MUCH more of a proper reunion hug processing type beat after she got her memories back.

“But not him” LMAO I know 10s arrogant ass took offense

Love 14 running around the tardis!! but almost wish he was in 13’s so ncuti could get his own experience

THIS is where they need a good hug - “it killed me it killed me it killed me” goddamn it Donna put that mug down and hug him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE THEM TIME TO REUNITE PROPERLY FFS!!!!!!! WHERE WAS THEIR TENROSE REUNION MOMENT????????!!!!!!?

I love how Donna is so serious abt being a mum. Like obvs she would be but I just love seeing that. She always had so much love in her heart, I’m so happy she has a kid

Ok no way a spilled coffee made all that fire be so ffr 🙄❤️

Overall: needed music and pacing adjustments but was otherwise really good!!!! RTD + team will figure it out - I have hope. So happy to see dt and ct together again - I know the next episode with just the two of them is gonna be great. Dt and RTD said it’s gonna be very different from other dr who eps so I’m nervous but also excited!!!!! Ugh so good to see them back when they’re older 🥹❤️ and so happy dr who is being so forward abt trans rep in this political climate. *Really* great storyline too - loved it. Just a shame they couldntve made the episode 1h20m instead so there’d be space for everything.

[if-one-of-us-falls]

A few days ago I saw some screenshots from Charlie Kaufman's 2012 Chaos Walking screenplay (posted by yer-nothing) and got intrigued, so last night I read through the whole thing and we need to talk about this.

Let me start off by saying that I'm not a big cinema buff and don't really know how screenplays work. I'm a huge fan of the books. I haven't seen the new movie yet (which, to my understanding, has a completely different screenplay) but I've watched every clip that came out and I might compare them to the Kaufman screenplay at certain points. Also, this post contains spoilers to the Kaufman screenplay and to The Knife of Never Letting Go!

I reread TKoNLG recently so it's fresh in my mind (as if it ever leaves lol) and I was impressed by how loyally the screenplay follows the book. Not only does it keep most of the scenes, but it also depicts them very closely to how they happened in the book, sometimes beat by beat. Most importantly to me, everyone is kept in character. So much so that reading the few little bits that were added and did not appear in the book made me smile because I could totally see the characters behaving this way. Kaufman understood the story and the characters he was given and expanded on them with a very light touch rather than trying to rewrite them completely - which was my #1 problem with what I've seen from the movie.

Todd is very obviously not aged up in this screenplay. Not only because he states it in his mantra, but also because he acts like book!Todd. Same with Viola. Kaufman really nailed their dynamic and the way their relationship evolves over the course of the story. A lot of Todd's narration in the book was turned into bits of Noise, and while I'm not sure how that would work on screen, I think it was done beautifully and kept the spirit and the context of the book. There is still a little bit of the romance set-up (with Todd clearly thinking about Viola being pretty etc.) but it's quite subtle and in-character, not as pushy as the movie clips felt.

Ben and Cillian still don't get a lot of screentime, but you really can't miss that they're a couple and their relationship to Todd and to eachother is established effectively.

The character who was changed the most has to be the Mayor. The screenplay gave him the power to direct Noise at Todd from a distance and basically speak to him all the time, and his intentions towards Todd are very clear and blatant. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it is intriguing (and more than a little creepy). I suppose that Kaufman's purpose was to set up the Mayor as a more prominent character, since Aaron is the main villain in book 1.

One of my favorite added moments was the Robert Frost joke. First because it was so in-character, but also because it shows them finding common ground despite their differences. Todd doesn't have Viola's education, but instead of making fun of him for not knowing the poem the screenplay lets him come up with his own poem, which feels exactly like something Ben would have taught him. And he shows that he cares about Viola and asks her to explain rather than letting her dismiss what she said as a stupid joke. And they trust each other enough by that time that her explaining doesn't feel condescending to him like it did before. I loved that.

I actually wasn't too fond of how Kaufman rewrote the scene in the cemetery where Ben explains what really happened in Prentisstown. I think it was important in the book when Todd was the one to figure it out, and letting Viola explain felt weaker to me. But what really bugged me was changing Ben's hope speech to talk about love. It wasn't really the point in my opinion, and he barely even met Viola anyway. Overall I guess it just felt a little too Hollywood-y (can I really be surprised, though?).

Of course, a few scenes and Characters had to be cut. The most sorely missed one was Wilf, but at least the screenplay still had the Sea of Things. Sadly it didn't have gorgeous visual of them laying in the cart and riding through the song of Here, and Todd's journey to rescue Viola after Aaron took her felt a little shorter. Viola's fake accent and calling herself and Todd Hildy and Ben was cleverly integrated into the Carbonel Downs scene, so at least that wasn't lost, but that part did feel a little rushed - we didn't get the full extent of how angry VIola was at their sexism and the tension of Ben facing the Law wasn't as intense as in the book (but it might just be that it was only a screenplay. )

The scene where Viola reads Todd his ma's book was beautiful (though a little bit of comic relief was inserted that I think I'd rather cut off). The moment where Todd looks at Viola and realizes he can read her... holy shit. That was powerful. I could almost hear the background music.

Aaron was as crazy as he was in the book - which is great - except that his ranting took a bit more of a slut-shaming angle which felt just a little bit off and distracting from how scary he is.

I really liked the circular ending and the visual elements, but I'm not sure how I feel about everything that happens in that scene. I guess it comes down again to the Mayor being so blatant. In the book, this scene is our first real introduction to him, but the Kaufman screenplay is not attempting to maintain that sense of dread and mystery. I wonder what a sequel would look like since getting to know the Mayor was such a big part of book 2. Anyway I'm sure If I were in the theater when Todd's Noise said "Listen, Viola: I have hope for us" I would break down crying, if I wasn't already.

Overall I really loved that screenplay. It captured the spirit of the book. Not to complain about the movie again, but I wish I could see the Kaufman screenplay getting produced. This is the movie I wanted. It feels like such a waste of potential, but I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to at least read the screenplay.

Anyway if anyone has thoughts about this screenplay or Chaos Walking in general I would love to hear from you! I can't believe it existed since 2012 and I only found it now.

[tomakeitbeautifultolive]

Hey! I recently found your blog and saw you believed in N+A=D, which is a theory I read a few years ago and really enjoyed,, I plan on reading your more in dept analysis on your site when I have time, thanks for putting it together! I really like this theory since it mirrors J and D even more and it also removes the rape and Aerys' madness in general from D. Now a question: do you believe this theory will be discussed in the show (only 2 eps left) or is it gonna stick to the books if it is true?

A woman after my own heart!  This theory is the dearest to my heart! @ktwrites and I have expanded the theory much more than wherever you last heard it, I assure you. (For anyone wondering, this is our site)

First, thank you SO much for recognizing that this theory mirrors Jon and Dany even further!

That’s the part that hooked me in, too. If Jon is rumored to be born of rape but actually born of love, shouldn’t Dany be, too? I think the pair of them having parents with star-crossed, tragic love stories is actually perfect for a pair that comes together to break the wheel that drove their parents apart in the first place.

All of the anti arguments about Daenerys vanish, since let’s face it, they usually come from (homogeneous) Stark stans. Dany gets the blame for what Aerys did before she was born, gets accused of sharing his madness, and also, the incest. If this theory is true, Jon and Dany are downgraded to cousins rather than aunt/nephew. Fucking everyone in Westeros are cousins. Rickard & Lyarra, Tywin & Joanna…

Also, then these lines about “I am the last Targaryen,” and “A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing,” and “The last dragon.” Then actually mean something literal.

I do have a page on the site about show clues, but fuck it - I’ll add some here.

The Dragon and the Wolf?

But… Jon’s a dragon. I don’t make the rules. He is Aegon Targaryen - Dragon, fire. Sure, he has Stark blood. But if Jon is a Stark, then Sansa, Arya, and Bran are Tullys (I don’t make the rules). So… who is ice and who is fire? Right now it’s more like The Dragon and the Dragon and A Song of Fire and Fire.

Curiously, the new Mother’s Day card (I know, I know it has Targ symbols) features an icy border:

And okay. Dany’s aversion to fire, which many relate to her being a Targaryen… maybe it has more to do with the ice in her veins? After all, we see Jon burned by fire:

And later wearing a bandage on his hand:

Meanwhile, we have Jon able to survive a deep dive in freezing cold water that probably would’ve killed a normal person - maybe the fire in his blood? This is all wild speculation now, so I’ll stop lmfao. One other thing though, in Fire & Blood, Alysanne’s dragon Silverwing refused to go past the Wall, it sounds almost like there was some sort of magical barrier there. Meanwhile, Dany has no problem getting past it. Which could just be plot convenience, admittedly.

Like in the books, the fallen direwolf (symbolizing Ned) at the beginning of the series has six pups. Ned has five children (so far as we know).

Dany and the color blue:

Now, I know what Michelle Clapton says about Dany always wearing blue - “Dothraki power color” Which is strange to me, since blue is one of the rarest pigments during this time period. I know, it’s just a show. Dany looks good in blue. Maybe that’s all it means.

But Stark women have a tendency to wear blue, likely as a nod to the blue ‘winter rose’, in which the Stark lady in the Bael the Bard tale is literally referred to as a winter rose.

Likewise, Dany wears greys and purples (if she is Ashara Dayne’s daughter, then purple would be her mother’s house color):

The Starks have a tendency to ride white horses. White is a Stark color. Jon has always ridden a black horse, which is a Targaryen color.

(Yeah, Dany rides a black horse beside Jon in S8, but she also tends to wear red colors while in his presence… bride of fire, eh?)

While Ashara Dayne is never mentioned on the show (I don’t think Rhaella is, either… despite Dany always wearing that ring, which is never explained in the show proper, rather in BTS stuff or interviews). Ashara Dayne is mentioned in the history and lore for the Season 6 DVD Extras.

Daenerys’ costume also shares similarities with Ned’s, in the way she wears her cape as well as the diagonal chain across her chest:

Ned has interesting reactions toward Dany’s assassination attempt. He doesn’t seem to give two shits about Viserys, telling Robert that if he makes it to Westeros, they’ll throw him back in the Narrow Sea, meanwhile Ned is chin-wobbling upset after hearing it’s too late to reverse the hit on Dany’s life. Arguably more upset than he was after seeing the dead body of a freshly murdered child, Mycah (though that’s debatable, I’m sure). There are some interesting transition scenes between Dany and Ned, particularly my favorite:

And then there are early promo photos where Dany and Ned are put together:

In season 7, Daenerys says Dragonstone does not feel like a homecoming, and she goes and touches Dorne on the Painted Table immediately thereafter:

There’s a curious line from Cersei during the Dragonpit meeting, saying basically she couldn’t trust Dany’s word, but could trust Jon’s word because he’s Ned Stark’s son. The shot hangs on Dany as she speaks the line about Ned Stark’s son (watch the clip here):

We’ve got other lines too, about how when Jon is elected King in the North, Lyanna Mormont says, this:

“I don’t care if he’s a bastard, Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins.”

(But it doesn’t…) Even Dany is talking about Ned:

“I was born at Dragonstone. Not that I can remember it. We fled before Robert’s Assassins could find us. Robert was your father’s best friend, no? I wonder if your father knew his best friends sent assassins to murder a baby girl in her crib. Not that it matters now, of course.”

Varys knows damned well Ned tried everything in his power to prevent her murder (I wish he’d fucking tell her, whether or not she’s Ned’s secret bastard).

There are rumors we’re getting Robert’s Rebellion/Tourney at Harrenhal flashback next episode (I don’t know whether I believe it), but Wilf Scolding did have a mysterious deleted Instagram post indicating he was filming - so maybe we’ll see Ned and Ashara, too? Fingers crossed.

If everyone is talking about how Jon and Dany parallel Duncan and Jenny, which is a pairing comprised of a common girl and a dark-haired Targaryen prince… then just maybe Jon gives up his claim for say, a bastard girl? Dany being a Stark bastard and associated with flowers/roses, possible CotF relation via Stark blood… might make her have more in common with Jenny than if she were a Targaryen? 🤔

There may be more, I haven’t done a full, proper rewatch in a while, I admit. Probably too late now, lol. I’d say that there is a big “WTF” twist coming so there’s a chance - many attribute this to a leak involving Tyrion but… I feel like that was something that was foreshadowed, unlike Hodor/hold the door.

All that said though, I’d say the likelihood of this ending up on screen probably is slim. But again, we have a wealth of evidence on our site that must mean something. GRRM basically admits that the lemon tree mystery means something (and no, I don’t buy that it means the betrothal to Quentyn because he was more or less a non-issue anyway).

And there may be a chance GRRM is saving twists for his book, especially considering this:

My best guess would be Barristan Selmy, since in the books, over in Essos, nowhere near Jon, he’s bringing up that Dany looks like Ashara’s daughter, and by this point we don’t really need a red herring for Jon Snow’s mother, since most readers had figured it out.

[lionfanged]

PRE-EST MEME. @gruntred

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other .

literally just atticus being friendly to wilf bcuz he thinks wilf is hilarious in his baby rage and wilfred despising him BFGLKJF idk if wilfred would ever like atticus?? thus far he hasn’t rly done anything that would set atticus off into hating him, so right now he just finds him to be this funny little rocket boy that makes for a great show whenever he’s in kanto. friendship is bullying the shit out of ur business partner’s employees, right??

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other .

atticus, making very loud and audible gagging noises.

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other .

i think the day wilf considers atticus family in any sort of way is the day hell freezes over.

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other .

WELL THIS ONE IS A NO DUH LOL. but i’d still say somewhat one-sided?? atticus is a petty bitch in general, he is Not above that, but it does definitely feel like wilfred holds more animosity towards him than vice versa. maybe with atticus now dating proton, there’s opportunity for them to get past these differences, if only for the sake of wilfred’s insanity because he’s going to be seeing WAY more of atticus than before. uwu

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW29 - Alon Wildcard Edition

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

LATE AS FUCK ALON ON WILDCARD EDITION... hopefully still interesting to read even if it’s this late. What do you think of Alon’s team???

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Patrício and Jiménez

IN: Heaton and Callum Wilson

Operation fuck Wolves off to hell begins a week earlier than I had anticipated. Of course Rui is dropped because why wouldn't he be dropped the gobshite. I don't have enough in the bank to get any GK except for Boruc which feels like a potential disaster waiting to happen. Bego was bad but they've been bad lately so who knows if he keeps his place over the next handful of fixtures. Not a place I want to be... I don't really care about losing Jim this weekend since they are shit and I hate him. Getting rid of guys I hate to guys I don't hate will at least make me feel happy...I think. Gambling on Howe the liar here a bit, but I'll be benching Callum this weekend anyway and will just hope that he's on the bench which would position him well to start next GW at Huddy. This effectively kills any plan to get Higz in but so be it. I think this is my best play.

GK:

Heaton (CRY)

NOT RUI!!!!! YES! Tom unfortunately goes against my team but it's still a relatively decent on paper home fixture and they have had great underlying defensive stats since he came back into the team. And I love him. Go on Tom you beauty.

DEF:

Robertson (eve)

Robbo the hero is an easy start. Not much to say about the boy.

Lascelles (whu)

Jamaal has a bit of a tricky one away to Wet Spam but not really going to overthink it and roll him out while they are on song.

Wan-Bissaka (bur)

Finally, 1b is back baby and straight into my XI. Not a great fixture but fucking fuck me if you think I'm starting Bennett instead of him. Not going to happen ever again.

MID:

Salah & Mané (eve)

All my money still in mid on display this weekend. Mo and Mane remain and it's silly to expect anything other than Livp completely doing Everton on Sunday. Maybe they will score 5 and Mo won't blank. Would be novel.

Son (ARS)

Private corporal Suon is a lad I will remain patient with. Don't know what to expect in the NLD but he's still a quality player and can bang in any game. Not expecting a ton but he still feels fine.

Pogba (SOU)

Paul has a home banker and should be good for some points.

Sterling (bou)

Finally, Raz goes to his favorite place on earth, Bournemouth in what should be a bloodbath. Raz has low key started 1 game in the last 4 gameweeks so...he owes us.

FWD:

Rondón (whu) & Barnes (CRY)

Running out big Sal and Smashley this weekend. Was originally planning to bench Barnes for Jim but the transfers forced my hand. Not expecting loads from these two this weekend but the fixtures aren't diabolical so who knows. Seems fine.

BENCH:

Bennett (CAR)

Wilson (mci)

Chambo (lol)

CAP:

Sterling (bou)

Raz obv. Rested and ready to fuck. Go get 'em Razzybaby.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

A MILLION TRANSFERS VIA WILDCARD

GK:

Heaton (CRY)

I went with Tom... Was on Alisson for a lot of tinkering, was on Ederson for a bit of tinkering, and eventually it came down to Dubravka and Boruc vs. Tom and Guaita and I went with the latter.. the fixtures in my opinion and underlying stats for Burnley (Burnley 4th in NPxGA since Heaton returned and Newc are for 15th in same period), are both a lot better then Newcastle, and Burnley 100% don’t blank in GW33 like Dubravka might do... Also I love the synergy with Guaita where A. I will bench Tom in GW30 when he goes to Anfield and Guaita is home to Brighton in their derby, and B. if Palace beat Watford in the cup then Palace will have a double in GW35 and that will be nice for me to have a doubling GK without having to make a transfer for it!

For this week Palace have been buozzin around a bit scoring some goals with Bats in and Wilf back to his old ways but I’m hoping at home Burnley can maybe do a job or at least rack up saves.

DEF:

Trent & Matip (eve)

Made sure that I was at least doubling up Liverpool defense and here we are now, entertain us... I don’t think that Trent needs any sort of WC explaining at all so skipping the scouse legend and onto the very under the radar Matip... Very quietly Matip has started 6 straight in the league (more if you include other comps) and is looking good in a partnership with VVD. He’s even looking dangerous on some set plays and some runs forward (like that dribble vs. Man. United)!... As for Gomez Klopp said the earliest he would come back is after the intl. break which would be GW32 when I’m FHing anyway, and Lovren should be back to training after this GW but I do not think that Matip will just straight up get dropped for no reason to go back to Lovren with this long of a spell out for Lovern and in for Joel... If I do need to get rid of Joel in GW33 or GW34 or GW35 then I will either go to the Liverpool CB who took his place or I will go to a defender who doubles in GW35 and both of those things are very easy to do.

Love the Joel pick and can’t wait for him to score vs. Everton to really hammer home how good a pick he is. Double Liv defensively every week is fantastic and in the derby it’s no different.

Luiz (ful)

This spot (let’s be honest, every spot) was also back and forth between different guys... A little Chilwell a little bit of this a little bit of that I don’t know... Settled on Luiz who we shouted on pod as simply just a really good pick for the rest of the season. In GW34 Chelsea are at Anfield and in GW36 they are at Old Trafford and every other match (and they don’t blank) is a good cleanable fixture. Luiz is a very solid pick and I’m happy to be on board there.

This week they get to go fuck Fulham sideways... Maybe new manager bounce will Fulham dudes titting and totting at Craven Cottage but meh, if Chelsea can just pay attention for 90′ they should keep an easy clean and destroy Fulham.

Lejeune (whu)

And Lejeune one of four dudes to actually stay in my team from the pre-wildcard lineup and that’s because he does a great job and has pretty decent fixtures and might not blank in GW33, does not blank in GW31.

Not the best of fixtures this week away to Hammers but they are still pretty damn injured and they are a bit outta form, West Ham... I’m hoping Newc can keep their good defensive form up and put in another cleanie. I’m starting Lejeune over Brooks (who may not start and has City) so hopefully it pays off. Go on Newc.

MID:

Salah (eve)

Easy Mo, I think ya gotta keep him in the end even with the derby usually being scrappy and low scoring I still think Mo is just a great pick with the fixture run and will repay the faith as he always does eventually... And one other thing we didn’t mention on pod that I was talking about all day on Slack and other pods backed me up is that despite a Mo blanking on a 5 goal day for Liverpool - he was fucking brilliant. Had an absolutely terrific match in progressing the ball, buildup, taking on their shitty LB, hockey assists, he hit the post, all that shit... Just not FPL stuff. Hopefully can build on the uptick of form and take his chances this time.

Sterling (bou)

Raz back was one of the key cogs on why or why not I was gonna WC and here we are. Raz the fuck in. Rested last week should be straight back into starting 11 this week and flying as per usual against garbage ass Bourney.

Pogba (SOU)

Kept Paul as well. Mainly because of this fixture this week, phenomenal fixture. And then I’ll start figuring out how and when to deal with him and his blanks... in my plans right now it will be Paul and Kun out for Haz and Higs on GW31 but we’ll see.

FWD:

Aguero (bou)

Kun in I mean. How could I not get Kun....??!??!? Yeah he might get rested this week but it’s still Bourney so 30ish minutes is still very much on for points for him and then next week on a full week rest he has home Watford and is the by far standout captain for that. The form and sex appeal are too much to ignore for me.

Barnes (CRY)

Template guy, non-blanker, extremely good numbers, mostly good fixtures. Not much thinking here.

Palace are tough and get AWB back but they’ll still be starting some fuck face next to Tomkins whether it’s Kelly or Dann to exploit. Not the same tight ship as before.

Rondón (whu)

Another big template bandwagonny guy he’s just good and also mostly has good fixtures. No blank in GW31 and maybe a blank in GW33 but NBD if he does I have plenty of guys. It’s gonna be great.

West Ham’s defense is diabolical so I’m hoping they continue to be themselves and Sal pops off. But Newc away vs. Newc home is a very different kettle of fish so we’ll have to see what’s up.

BENCH:

Brooks (MCI)

I like Brooksy a lot and 5.0 is an absolute joke of a price... Even though he rides the pine this week, Bournemouth have the best fixtures from GW30 through the end of the season of any team in the league. Absurd run and Brooks will hopefully keep titting in there.

McNeil (CRY)

Despite getting subbed early last week - for a cheap 5th mid spot who doesn’t blank in 31 or 33 McNeil is still by far the best from where I’m sitting... He’s been bright and should keep getting chances to make stuff happen. Good kid.

Schindler (BHA)

Piece of shit gets to stay in my team... That’s just the way the cookie crumbles........ Schindy is the cheapest nailed guy who doesn’t blank in GW31 or GW33. That’s it. Just cheap, just nailed, and otherwise a bad pick. There is literally nothing else that you need to know about Schindy and Huddy.

And backup keeper Guaita (bur)

Like I wrote in the Tom section he fits really well with Heaton so I’m very happy to combine the two there. And he’s still dirt cheap... Even though Palace defense should be slightly worse with no Mama it’s still pretty good and definitely capable of getting some cleans with the way Woy sets’em up so, yeah, ok, get in there. Back on the Guaita train...

CAP:

Sterling (bou)

Easy Raz easy life. This should be a thrashing and Raz should be nailed for this week. Didn’t really consider anybody ahead of Raz.

[isaacathom]

also my outfit is awful, more so than usual, because i hate pencil skirts and theyre different shades of pink D: