#it’s SO clunky and annoying. this functionality didn’t have to all be in the same tap at the same time

[creepyjirachi]

grrr spotify made its ui worse and i cant fix it >:(

[lord-tekron]

Okay, I am once again in a behind the scenes mood. Let’s talk about the creation of The Afton Bots.

So to understand their creation is to first understand a path of logic I was under when working on The Springlock Paradox. The first one was that “Would William Afton trust human workers, when it’s shown he built the funtimes on his own?” to which my answer was “No, he would build his own robots of course!” And thus began the process of making his mechanical goons.

Fun Fact: The first drafts of The Springlock Paradox have much different “Afton Bots”, they were much more humanoid and bulky, and the dimension portal device was more akin to a giant gateway then a portable attachment. However it was quickly scrapped when I realized that this would all be a downgrade from the funtimes, which I feel wouldn’t make sense. They original bots would get workshopped later though with a different group of robot goons.

That’s right, Vincent and The Mal Gang’s robot forms are recycled assets of the original Afton Bots. And you can also see why I wanted to change them, clunky disposable things are good for minor characters, but given how the Afton Bots would be around a major character, they needed something more interesting.

So going back to the design of the funtimes and the logical evolution, I decided the Afton Bots needed to look like they progresses somehow. So something smaller, more compact, but also clearly having more advanced components. And more importantly, they needed to be the FIRST thing the audience needed to see in the first chapter to establish them as a thing.

Also, notice that little tattoo on that one Afton Bot? That is the logo of Afton Robotics, originally all of the Afton Bots were going to have those. But was scrapped after this as it would be too annoying to always remember to give each bot a stamp. The first chapter also had an instance of a one of a kind Afton Bot, the one that was carrying Lefty

After this the only other one of a kind Afton Bot is the one Dave gets his two arms from as it has three digits on each of it’s hands instead of just two like the others.

After that all Afton Bots had bodies that fell into one of three categories. Floaters, Walkers, and Stompers

Floaters: Lightweight with impressive mobility thanks to their jets. Lack any range weaponry due to recoil and as such instead have arms that have built in buzzsaws. Said arms make them the main line for construction jobs.

Walkers: The fastest of the Afton Bots, their four legs allow for pinpoint turning and their built in machine guns allow for both hit-and-run tactics and just mowing down enemies in general. Their front legs have rotational functions that allow them to be used as makeshift arms, but not as well as the arms on a floater.

Stompers: The tanks of the Afton Bots, their heavy legs make them difficult to knock down, and their missiles allow them to pack heavy ordinance. While Walkers can carry stuff around, it’s the Stompers that carry the BIG stuff from place to place.

Oh yeah, I should go into details on the FERALS huh? 

Well when making them, I realized that I had their bodies done, but story wise, where did they come from? Well given how the first saga was all about the clashing of realities, it made sense that there would be some comparisons. So Charlie would have Jack, Molten Freddy would have Ennard, Dave would have Michael, and Baby would have... Elizabeth? Who was still... Baby? That didn’t fit well with me. So I looked for ideas and came up with something, in the main timeline of stuff, Ennard ejects Baby and becomes Molten Freddy, and the same happens in The Springlock Paradox as we saw. But what happened to the Baby that the Ennard we know ejected out? Didn’t go into Scrap Baby as we know, and it would be boring to just say “Oh an Ennard smashed them with a hammer and they were gone forever”, so I decided to make the Afton Bots and the Funtimes have one more connection. Baby herself.

All the Afton Bots got their AI as a modified copy of Baby, who was sealed away in a room where she would constantly have her functioning brain copied and sent out into the assembling of new bots. She would always try to fight back though, even if she was nothing but a head hooked to a machine, and would punch holes into the copying system. These “holes” would trigger a a sense of realization and loathing of William Afton. However it also caused them to lose access to their built in weaponry and speak like wild beasts, hence the term “Feral”

Fun Fact: All the Feral talk in the comic are actual sentences, if you translate them from Wingding you can actually see what they are saying.

Course, just as he workshopped Baby into being the foundation of the Afton Bots, he did attempt to workshop the ferals into something useful. However they were too destructive to be useful, but as we saw, when Baby broke herself out and hijacked the factory, she did bring back those experiments. The Elites, which (also fun fact) are each heavily modified versions of the main three Afton Body types.

Also, you may ask “but what about the Afton Bot’s speaking pattern?” to which I say “idk I just wanted to make them say funny robot noises, not everything has an interesting backstory to them”

---------

These behind the scene talks are kinda fun, I don’t really get to splurge on talking about my stuff with my friends because they don’t read The Springlock Paradox so it would fall on deaf ears. But screaming into the void of tumblr and getting a bit of a pulse is nice. I don’t know how often I will do these or what subjects they will be about (I am thinking of doing one on maybe Dave Miller at the very least. Have a few other ideas but that is definitely a key one I have some stuff to talk about.) so expect them whenever.

[obae-me]

Hi! If your inbox is open, I'd like to request a scenario with all (or any) of the demon brothers, + undatables reacting to a blind MC? Like, none of them expected to have a blind human and Devildom and they have to revamp everything to make it as safe for MC as possible. Can be she/her or they/them pronouns for MC. Bonus points if MC is extremely talkative and won't shut up lmao. Thank you!

I’m still learning how I best want to write the Undateables, so I’m sorry if they’re a bit lacking. This was really wholesome to write, thank you for your request! 💜

Lucifer

When first summoned down to the Devildom, MC looked more disoriented than he would’ve expected. “Where am I? Who are you guys?” They hadn’t managed to look at Diavolo yet, even while he was speaking to them. They already put him in a bad mood.

“Didn’t you learn its bad manners to ignore the people that are talking to you? Look at Lord Diavolo while he’s speaking.” Lucifer growled, leaving MC with an exasperated expression.

“I’m BLIND.”

Error.

They were blind?? Humans were so fragile that they could just lose their eyesight?? Permanently?! He’s already got several new grey hairs. He’d have to entirely change up the house, he’d need to have someone with them at all times. How would they read? How would they get school work done?

MC has to explain to him that they’ve been this way for a long time, so they can handle themselves. They’ll have to tell him about things they use to help them out, like a cane for starters. They’ll tell him later how they best do schoolwork, but he’s already busy contacting someone about a cane.

It doesn’t matter what MC says, he now feels obligated to keep them under his watch as much as possible. He’s responsible for keeping them safe after all, and he can’t feel relaxed until he can confirm that they’re okay.

Although he did find out that MC was as talkative and feisty as a human could be. If things went too quiet they’d quickly fill up the empty space with chatter. Not to mention anytime he, or any demon for that matter, went into demon form, the intimidation factor was lost. MC never budged. They didn’t mind standing up to him, which annoyed him greatly, but absolutely blew his mind. How such a tiny human, who didn’t have a major part of functioning, could easily stand up to a demon was beyond him.

When MC first asked if it was okay to ‘see’ him, he had no idea what they meant, but was curious to see where it would lead. He wasn’t aware that MC knew any magic. He didn’t expect MC to come over and gently touch his face, running their fingers gingerly over his features. MC politely asked if he could show his true self, and he agreed. MC drifted their way up to his horns, feeling the texture and shape. They had an expression of awe on their face, probably because they now knew that it was real, he wasn’t human. They struggled to find these supposed wings of his, and with one of his gloved hands, Lucifer took their wrist and guided MC along. They made a little gasp as the feathers brushed against their skin.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen, his demon form was supposed to strike shock and fear into people. He was supposed to be respected. He was supposed to be above this. So how was it he was sitting here, MC running their hands all over him, and he was the one who was shocked and speechless. He hated how MC had lost their eyesight, but in this one moment he was grateful that they couldn’t see his reddened face with such an embarrassing expression plastered over it.

Mammon

“What do you mean they can’t see? It’s not that dark in the Devildom. Oi, human, just open your eyes, don’t you know how seeing works?!...Oh...Oooh...”

He had a less than grand first impression when he first met MC, and to be honest, it kept getting worse before it got better. He didn’t know when to shut his mouth. He tried asking Lucifer if they could get a different human, one that wasn’t broken. He must’ve somehow thought that whispering from only about a foot away would keep MC from hearing him.

He didn’t get a different human, he was stuck with them, and he was going to receive a particularly severe punishment that night for how poorly he treated MC. He was in a bad mood, not to mention out of his mind with panic.

“I don’t know what to do with people who can’t see? Can we fix ya? Surely there’s some magic here that’ll make you good as new!”

He tried spells, he tried potions, he even paid a fortune to one of the Devildom’s best doctors. None of his antics worked, and out of all the brothers, Mammon took the longest to process that this was how MC was. It was a part of them. They would be like this forever.

He’ll stay by their side constantly, escorting them by the arm and hand, talking their ear off about this and that to keep them distracted. It causes MC to laugh about it every time. Who needs a seeing eye dog when you’ve got a wonderfully trained seeing eye Mammon. Sometimes he would even pick them up to go up and down stairs if he felt they would be too dangerous.

Anytime they’re at any sort of store, MC will have to touch almost everything, and if their hands brush across anything they like, even if only for it’s tactile nature, Mammon will buy it for them at the drop of a hat. It’ll drive Lucifer a bit crazy over the fact that MC won’t ever have a need for most of the things Mammon buys, but he’ll not bother them about it if he sees it makes MC happy even just to hold it.

MC is super talkative, but it’s typically just to fill empty dark space and make things seem more comfortable, but when they’re with Mammon, they don’t need to say a word. He does all the talking, and MC’s grown accustomed to the sound of his voice. It’s so different from his other brothers, the mannerisms he uses and the slight accent to it. Mammon still doesn’t realize that, for this reason, MC can single him out among the crowds at RAD, or how Mammon can never seem to sneak up on them. MC loves how loud he is. No matter how quiet he tries being, MC can always pick him out of the darkness, for them, he’s always there. Mammon will never say it, but he loves how his human knows him apart from everyone else.

Levi

“Huh, so you don’t watch anime, what a typical normie.”

“I actually can’t watch anything, just for your information.”

Fatality.

He knows the concept of blindness from anime and manga, but it almost seemed as foreign to him as magic seemed to MC. Typically in the stories he saw, it was never permanent, always the cause of some curse or spell or even a fight! MC had gone through none of that, it was what it was.

He almost found it relaxing for a moment, because he felt a bit more confident in himself. MC couldn’t see what an ugly shut-in looked like. However, his moods were quickly dashed when MC tripped over an empty can he had lying on the floor. He caught them from falling but quickly went into a state of despair. He was a dirty trashy shut-in. Lucifer would later find that Levi now had his room clean of trash at all times, his floor spotless.

Levi would absolutely cry, and I mean cry, over the fact that MC would never be able to fully enjoy anime or manga or video games. They could maybe enjoy some Dubbed shows but it wouldn’t be the same. If MC hangs out with him, Levi will give them the full commentator experience. He’ll explain what’s going on in his games or shows in hopes MC can still enjoy his favorite form of entertainment.

The first time in his Demon form, MC stepped on his tail in attempt to get to his wings. He yelped in shock. MC was vastly confused. What was that? Where was his wings? Lucifer and Mammon had wings so where were his? He hated being compared to them like that. He couldn’t fly, he couldn’t look nearly as intimidating. No he didn’t have wings, he just has this clunky ugly tail. MC grabbed his tail, making him turn bright red. They ran their fingers over his scales, petting it, pulling it out to see how long it was. MC endlessly talked about how cool it was, and how it felt amazing to touch. Lucifer and Mammon didn’t have a tail. Levi never felt envious of not having wings ever again.

Satan

He can’t believe his brothers didn’t know that humans were capable of being blind. They were extremely fragile creatures but somehow were heartier and more stubborn than they looked, capable of thriving despite everything they go through.

He didn’t know everything about being blind, since it never seemed to come up often enough for him to need to learn about. So you can bet that in just the first few days MC was there, he thoroughly studied up on anything he thought would help him.

He was surprised to find that there was a form of reading available for people who had lost their sight. He had never heard about Braille before this. As a demon who wanted to learn as many languages and reading forms as possible, he was angry he missed something like this. 

He wasn’t as angry, however, when MC offered to help teach him how to read Braille if he helped them with their schoolwork and studies. The Devildom school was surprisingly accommodating but until Diavolo and Lucifer finished sorting things out, they couldn’t read any of their schoolwork.

He usually preferred silence, but he didn’t mind when MC would come in his room and feel comfortable enough to talk in detail everything that had happened that day. In return, he liked when MC would listen intently as his narrating voice filled up the room while he would read his favorite stories to them. He loved the way their face would crinkle when he’d attempt to voice a particular character. They put their hand on his chest and would beg him to do it again with a laugh. He’d attempt the line again, MC feeling the deep rumble in his chest. Reading would now not be the same without them. 

The more he got to know them, the more the heat in his chest over their blank non-focused eyes grew hotter. How could they not see? How could someone like them be deprived of something like that? He couldn’t show them art, photographs, the beauty of the Devildom’s stars. MC assured him that it was alright, anytime they wanted to know what something looked like, they would ask him. Anything he described sounded like poetry. With him around, his words would be enough. 

Asmo

Blind, as in they couldn’t see anything, see him?! His radiant shine? His picture perfect features? His allure? They wouldn’t see any of that? He was astounded. He was upset. He was dramatically depressed. He got over it pretty quickly, though, he’s very attractive yes, but all of his other qualities were just as attractive.

He’ll help tweak their uniform, he’ll buy them clothes that not only feel amazing, but look amazing. If touch is important to them, he’ll get them lotions, skincare products, anything they wanted to keep them well taken care of. Their hands will never worry about being dry. 

He loves when MC touches his face to know what he looks like. He’ll use this as an excuse. “How do you know it’s Asmo? I might have put a spell on my voice, double check.” He’ll put his hands over theirs while they amuse him and feel the details on his face down to the bridge of his nose.

One particularly pleasant evening for Asmo, he goes on and on about new clothes he bought, and then brings MC into it. 

“Right right? I think it’ll look ravishing on me, the color matches MC’s eyes.” MC smiles and states that they had forgotten their eyes were that color. Asmo sits there for a moment before shrieking, standing up so fast his chair falls over. “You don’t even know what you look like!”

Of course MC had a pretty general idea of what they looked like, but yes he was right for the most part. They didn’t understand why Asmo was so shocked about it. However, Asmo refuses to let this go, and he takes them to his bedroom describing MC down to the bone. He’ll tell them what their eye color reminds him of, the particular way their eyelashes curl, how their complexion looked under the moonlight. He’ll go on and on and on, not realizing that he’s never ever spoke so long about someone else before, so MC lets him continue. They’ve never cared about appearances before, but the way Asmo talks about them makes them cozy on the inside. He made them feel like the most gorgeous thing on earth.

They’ll then change it up, making Asmo close their eyes as they talk about all the things about him that they love. The way the air smells around him when he comes into the room. The way his tone raises up when he’s excited about something. The way his footsteps sound on hard surfaces. They adore how one side of his hair is longer than the other. They love his presence. Asmo is dumbfounded, no one has ever described him in that way before. He’ll melt and might call a doctor for this strange new feeling in his chest. 

Beel

They can’t see anything? Can they at least eat?? Well then it’s not the end of the world. If MC had somehow been deprived of taste, he would’ve really been upset. Food doesn’t have to look great to taste great. Still, the fact that they couldn’t see made the Devildom even more dangerous, and he didn’t want anything to happen to them. He couldn’t let anyone get hurt around him, not again. 

He’s among the most considerate of the brothers even though he’s not used to being around someone that can’t see. He’s real worried he’ll hurt MC, so he’s always extra careful. He’ll announce that he’s beside them even though they heard his footsteps near them and could feel the heat coming off of his body. He’ll always ask them first if it’s okay to touch them so he can help them out. He’s even extra wary about hugs at first, what if he just...breaks them even more? As time goes by he learns he doesn’t need to walk on eggshells.

He finds it a fun game to let them try to figure out what stuff he made for them before they eat it, more times than not, they figure it out. Then he’ll eat it with them, unnecessarily guiding the fork to their mouth.

If Mammon isn’t by their side, it’s usually Beel who’s next. If he’s not busy with sports or working out, he’ll stick around by MC wherever they want to go. However, it’s usually MC who stays by him whenever he sees something tasty to make sure he doesn’t run off.

MC knew he worked out, but had always envisioned him to be like a big teddy bear. It wasn’t until MC asked to feel him until they understood just how strong Beel was. Under his soft clothes, they felt his tough muscles. He was built like a brick, no matter where they felt him, his arms, his sides, he was completely different than they had expected. His face was soft at least. His hair fun to play with. In his demon form adored touching his horns, exclaiming that they were perfect for fitting doughnuts. He didn’t need to know that, now Lucifer’s going to have to question why in the world Beel has doughnuts stacked on his horns. His wings felt silky and surprisingly fragile despite how strong he felt everywhere else. They were sure they weren’t as weak as they felt, but it let MC know that Beel was still soft. MC couldn’t stop gawking over how big and strong Beel was, pretending to punch him in the gut even though they could probably punch him for real and he wouldn’t feel it.

All Beel wanted was to tell MC how strong he thought they were.

Belphie

At first, he couldn’t believe that, somehow, they had chosen someone who couldn’t even see to be a part of the program. He felt like this supported his idea that it was a terrible idea to begin with, but fortunately, he thought, this made it easy for him to manipulate MC’s actions. How guilty this made him feel, afterwards.

He’d stay silent and sneak around MC, feeling that it was best if they didn’t even know he was there. They knew where he was, no matter how hard he tried. They could follow his dragging footsteps as he lazily walked through the house. His sighs and breathing were also very distinguishable.

They didn’t start getting to know each other till MC was wandering through the house, trying to still burn the number of steps in their mind in this massive place. Their cane found a strange obstacle in the middle of the floor, something that wasn’t usually there. They poked it, it was surprisingly soft. They got down on their knees and reached over, feeling cozy clothes and skin. They found a face and traced it over. It wasn’t anyone they had memorized, so it must’ve been Belphie. Made sense that he was the only one crazy enough to sleep in the middle of the floor. They loved how soft he felt, softer than any of his other brothers. Even his hair was like a velvety down you’d find in a pillow.

They knew he had woken up from his nap. The little muscles in his face were twitching, and his breathing was strained. He was trying to pretend he was asleep, but MC just kept going. They traced down his slender arms to his hands. They were free of any callouses or cuts. They took his hand and grasped it firmly in their own.

“I forgive you, you don’t need to avoid me anymore, or pretend that you’re asleep.” They heard his breathing go still, and then he sat up.

“You knew?”

“I’m not as stupid as people think I am. I may not be able to see, but I can still figure things out just fine.” They gently whacked him with their cane. “So I know you’ve been sneaking around me.”

Belphie didn’t think they wanted him around, after everything he’d done. He was still surprised his brothers kept him around at the end of the day. He just sighed. Emotions were exhausting. 

MC felt for his waist and then gave him a tight hug. They knew what it meant to be ashamed of you you were, of the things you’d done, but it didn’t matter. They wanted bygones to be bygones, and they wanted to learn about Belphie for who he really was, not what grief had made him out to be. 

MC now finds a new lump in their bed every so often. A lump that moans when you lie on it apparently. Naps are pleasant with him around. MC loves sleeping with their hands in his hair. 

MC can’t dream, not in the same way other people do, so Belphie does enough dreaming for the both of them. He’ll share stories of rippling meadows and drifting clouds. He’ll make sure they hear all sorts of pleasant things before they fall asleep. He hopes he can make it up to them.

Diavolo

Figuring out MC was blind didn’t come as a shock, he knew they were after all. He wouldn’t choose someone without knowing the important things about them, and having no eyesight definitely checked out as important. 

Knowing him, he did this as a test. He was testing out how the brothers would react and if they indeed could keep MC safe. If a blind human could make it through an entire year in the realm of demons, it would be more than a major success for his program.

The more he got to know about MC, the more he grew close to them instead of just treating them like a test subject or a campaign plan. He loved how they weren’t intimidated by him in the slightest, and he also loved how he could spend hours with them, MC talking the entire time. It drove Lucifer wild, but Diavolo found it fascinating and fun. 

“Is this what having friends is like? Amazing.”

He’ll have things all set up for them in a matter of days, having whatever accommodations they need to make their school life as easy as possible. Of course, this supposed ‘special treatment’ didn’t go well over demons who opposed the program. Some demons who disapproved didn’t have the courage to defy him directly at first, but now they were starting to scurry out of the sewers like rats. They headed straight over to Diavolo’s new ‘pet’.

They would abuse MC’s lack of sight to mess with them, stealing their things, purposefully knocking them around since they wouldn’t be able to tell who they were, but any demon who thinks Diavolo doesn’t see everything is sadly mistaken. MC tried standing up for themselves, but they could feel a tremendous and overwhelming presence behind them, larger than anything they had felt before. The demons would gasp, and the bullying would stop. Diavolo would put a hand on MC’s shoulder and they’d never be bothered again.

MC knew that this was the Lord of Demons, but they wanted to feel him in his demon form anyway, should he permit. He did permit, and at last MC was able to figure out this terrifying form of his. In his human form he was large, yes, but in demon form he was even bigger, impossibly big. Demonically big. His horns and wings were sharp and decorated in all manner of jewelry. The skin that stretched over bone to serve as his wings were littered with veins, and even just touching them allowed MC to feel the power pumping through them. He was intimidating yes, but after running their hands over his features, they were able to see how beautiful he was in his frightening glory.

Diavolo won’t tell them this, but they’re the only human who has ever laid a hand on him without immediately perishing or being subjected to torment. He’ll let MC do it again too, if they ever ask him.

Barbatos

The fact that he could’ve chosen a timeline where MC wasn’t like this is irrelevant. MC remained relatively the same throughout the different branches, blind or not. He does have control over time but mostly he’ll let time decide for itself, and he’ll take whatever MC the thread of fate decides to give him in this universe. No matter who shows up, he’ll take care of them.

He’s their secret shadow. MC’s working eyes. Diavolo always has him keeping tabs on them, keeping them safe whenever the brothers can’t. MC at first didn’t understand the whisper in the wind that told them to move to the side right before a demon blazed past. They were confused about the phenomenon of something wrapping around their leg to pull them down to the floor before an object whizzed above their head, causing something to explode behind them. It took MC until they finally heard Barbatos’ voice before it clicked.

When they asked to associate a form with that soft voice, he accepted, the normally even and calm tone just slightly more enthusiastic than normal. He had very wide shoulders and strong hands. Serving hands. Hands that felt almost familiar in a funny way, almost like they were hands that had pulled them away from an problem or two. His hair was longer on one side than the other, and they loved that. Even his demon form was intriguing. In every way that Diavolo’s presence boldly screamed, his aura clearly there, Barbatos was subtle. His horns were different than any horns MC had felt thus far. They were slender, bony, like two skeletal hands were reaching around his face to rest just above his forehead. Even his tail was different, splitting off near the bottom to have two controllable ends. He almost scared MC more than Diavolo. 

Sometimes MC will talk to themselves alone in their room, filling up the silent space with their voice so it’s not as dark, not as dismal. Occasionally MC will feel like there’s someone there. Like there’s something nodding along with their ramble in the darkness as shadows quietly tidy up their room. MC will find their clothes folded in distinguishable piles. The floor clear of any potential obstacles. Their cane is easily accessible right near their bed.

“Thank you, Barbatos.”

Sometimes the shadow will answer MC back, quietly drifting across the room to touch MC’s cheek before disappearing like a whisper. The darkness doesn’t seem as lonely anymore.

Simeon

He’s definitely going to be the kind of person who says “There must be a reason if God intended it.” MC had heard that throughout their life too many times. Religious or not, they hated when someone took their life and their disability and summed it up to God’s works. Their life was theirs alone, it belonged to no one else. They have a hard time around this angel at first.

Like Barbatos, Simeon can be impossibly quiet, which makes it hard for MC to be able to tell if he’s moving around. The only giveaways are the sounds his cloak makes, the little diamond shaped decor making slight clinking sounds as he moves. It’s melodic in a way, which MC sums up to angelic grace.

He’s not all bad, though. Yes he does believe God has his hands in all things, but that doesn’t mean he pities MC. That he thinks any less of them as a being. It doesn’t mean he’s chalking up their life to a charity case. He’s actually very sweet and fun. He’s one of the only people besides perhaps Solomon who believes MC is stronger than what they seem.

MC will admit sometimes they absolutely love how much the demons coddle and pamper them, but it can get too much too quickly. So sometimes they’ll run off and hang out with Simeon. He treats them like a person, not like a disability, not like a fragile little flower, but...normal. 

“Hello, Simeon here...yes, MC is here...stop screaming, they’re fine...we’ve just been talking.”

He’ll let them talk and talk and talk. He’s quiet himself but he loves to hear MC’s voice. How happy they sound when they share stories and discussions and things that happened during their day. 

MC can’t get enough of him now, they love hanging around this angel. There’s no sun in the Devildom, but anytime they’re around Simeon, they feel the same rays of warmth the sunshine gives. 

Simeon will never call MC ‘human’ sometimes God’s Miracle, sometimes a Godsend, more often than not, a blessing, but never just ‘human’.

Solomon

Yes, MC is blind, and? He doesn’t care what disability they do or do not have, he still finds them intriguing, and they’re his sole human companion in this place, a kindred spirit.

He’s also mischief wrapped in mystery, so he does his best to teach MC some simple spells to make their life a little easier down in the Devildom. Letting things they drop come right back into their hands, giving a shock to anyone who touches them that they don’t know, simple things like that. He did underestimate MC’s power, though. He may or may not have had seven demons at his door the next day when he learned that MC had accidentally dragged all the furniture in the living room towards them at a disturbing pace after they dropped a schoolbook. He did find it very funny, but taught them how to control their powers better. 

MC also doesn’t realize how much magic Solomon uses for their benefit. Objects they feel around for sometimes drift towards their hand. They will magically walk over holes in the ground. If any little pesky demon even dares try to mess with them, they’ll find themselves cursed. He knows that MC has nine powerful demons and two angels looking after them, but he does his part. 

When he finally does let MC touch his face, they’re disappointed to find that Solomon is very much in control of his expressions. They can’t get a reading off of what he’s feeling at all. They love anytime the brothers can’t help but let their lip quiver or their eyes flutter. Solomon stays blank, maybe letting them feel a smile on his face, nothing more. However, they are pleased to find not even Solomon can control his temperature, they can feel his cheeks get warmer by the second as they caress his face. 

They run their hands though his hair and find that touching him gives them a strange sensation. It’s something akin to static, but without the shock. It’s wonderfully addictive and strange. It leaves their fingers tingling and their nerves vibrating. 

Because of this sensation, MC has to touch him anytime they meet. Solomon doesn’t mind, in fact he lives for this. He’ll look over MC’s shoulder and give a small smirk to any of the demon brothers standing behind them. The expressions they pull make everything so much better. 

Luke

He’s ready to fight every demon in the Devildom when he learns they’re blind. Everything bad comes from demons, so it had to be one of them, not even hours they had been there before they took MC’s sight!

MC had to calm down the small yapping angel and tell them that they had been this way for a very long time. It just happened, it was just life. He has a very hard time dealing with this.

“But you’re so nice and sweet and wonderful, why can’t you see?” Was he crying?

MC has to promise him that it is okay, there’s still plenty to enjoy in their life. Humans don’t have it easy but they learned to move on anyway. He still doesn’t understand how MC’s not an angel. He suddenly shakes off their supporting words because he’s supposed to be the protector, not a human! He swears to protect them no matter what, no demon will stop him!

He loves to hang out with them, making sure they’re away from demons every now and then for the sake of their soul. He makes sure they’ve been treating MC okay. Even if the answer is yes, he doesn’t care what MC says, he cannot trust demons. So he brings MC the sweets he made to make sure they get plenty to eat. (No, he doesn’t know they can’t live off of sweets just yet)

If he lets MC touch his face, MC cannot get over how soft and squishy this little angel is. He’s just as cute as he sounds.

[coolgreatwebsite]

Cool Games I Finished In 2021 (In No Real Order)

Hello again, website. Been a bit. I’m not gonna get into it too much but this year was straight up the worst year of my life. Will it remain that way with so many years left to come? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure it will at least always be in the running. Sorry to start this off on a bummer but it’s just been a bummer of a year. I have good, tangible reason to believe 2022 will at least be an improvement though. Hopeful for the future and all that. Anyway! One way that this year did not suck was in regard to those lovable Visual Games we all enjoy playing. Good year for those, which means it’s time for yet another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2021.

Shin Megami Tensei V (Nintendo Switch, 2021)

Shin Megami Tensei V is a cool video game. It is not as cool as Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne. I know this applies to most video games created before and since, but it feels relevant to note here, this game being in the same direct series and all.

SMTV's combat and demon management is absolutely on point. There were some changes I initially didn't know if I agreed with, like lowering the amount of times buffs/debuffs stack and the introduction of the Essence system, but in the end the gameplay was basically as engaging and challenging as it ever was so all that stuff won me over. What didn't win me over as much is the move to open areas. In SMTV, the world is made up of a handful of large open areas that you're meant to platform around in and explore to find treasure, sidequests, all that JRPG stuff. It's functional and the platforming is surprisingly decent for being inserted into a turn based RPG, but looking through every nook and cranny for all the treasures and Mimans you're missing gets tiring after a while, and the map being incredibly unhelpful at describing differences in elevation exacerbates that. It also doesn't help that most of the areas just feel like the same desert wasteland with different colored lighting. There's not a ton of visual variety which, combined with the kinda underwhelming characters and plot, do a lot to make the game Not As Cool As Nocturne(tm).

All in all though SMT5 is a good time, and probably the only entry in the series so far where I'll go for 100% completion (mostly because beating the game in New Game+ takes like five hours if you just run towards the main objective markers). I'd love to see what they could do if they expand on this framework with a Maniax/Apocalypse style release in the future.

Metroid Dread (Nintendo Switch, 2021)

Metroid Dread is like, shockingly good. MercurySteam not only finally made a good game, they made a fucking great game. I replayed (at least one version of) the mainline Metroid then-quadrilogy this year in the leadup to Dread releasing and picked Samus Returns as my Metroid 2 experience since I hadn't played it, and I thought that game fuuuuuucking sucked. Slow, clunky, repetitive, annoying, I just did not have fun with that game outside of thinking the post-Queen Metroid stuff was kind of neat. Like I'd genuinely rather replay original Metroid 2 before I touch Samus Returns again, and it majorly tempered my expectations for Dread.

So how fuckin’ surprised was I when Dread comes out and it's the most fluid feeling and fun to play Metroid game yet? Samus controls like a dream in Dread, the combat is snappy and satisfying, just moving around in and interacting with the world feels great. Basically every lame idea they had in Samus Returns is either massively improved or outright gone, and there's a bunch of cool new powerups that are fun to use and feel like smart additions to the series rather than the devs going "I don't know, Samus get machine gun?". The combat is also way more engaging. The basic enemies aren't a slog to deal with like they were in Samus Returns, and the bosses are uniformly great, with the final boss being probably the most fun fight in the series.

I did have one big complaint on my first playthrough (and keep in mind this is a complaint that disappeared in subsequent playthroughs), and that was that progression felt super railroaded to me. Not as in your face "You Will Go Here And Only Here, The Objective Marker On Your Map" as Fusion and Other M were, but it still felt like there was really only one obvious, correct way to go from whatever room the powerup you just acquired was in to the next room a powerup is in, and if you tried any other way you got hit with a door you couldn't open. It felt very hard to get lost or miss anything important (but boy howdy did some people still manage to pull off both of those spectacularly, the discourse around this game for the months after it came out was fucking insufferable), very hard to go anywhere the devs didn't intend for you to go, very limited.

Then I replayed it with the express purpose of looking for sequence breaks and holy shit sequence breaking this game is so fucking fun. Maybe BECAUSE that first playthrough felt so restrictive, finding ways to skip around and avoid shit, both in ways intended by the devs and ways unintended by them, really made me appreciate the world design way more. It's not like Zero Mission levels of masterfully designed to allow you to do whatever if you're smart enough to know how, but they let you get away with some duuuuumb shit if you're trying to. Like, I beat the game without any sort of extra jump ability just to see if I could. I got myself in so many dumb situations that I had to improvise my way out of, got myself locked into boss fights that I was just barely equipped to handle, and it all felt great! You can get so dumb with this game! I beat it like 5 times within the month it came out. It fucking rules. Play Metroid Dread, it's a good game.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Nintendo Switch & eventually PlayStation 4, 2019)

And on the other end of the search action spectrum, I finally got around to playing Bloodstained and man if this isn't the best search action Castlevania game without "castle" or "vania" in the title. Right up there with Symphony of the Night and Aria of Sorrow.

It's not too much of a looker, but it makes up for it basically everywhere else. There's soooooo much weird shit to discover and so many weird systems on top of systems on top of systems. It's just a weird game in the best way possible. The power curve is great too, by the end of the game you're zipping around at 100 miles per hour, warping through walls, stopping time, near-instantly decimating everyone with chain lightning and 8-bit fireballs, all sorts of wild shit. If you like the exploration-focused Castlevania games you owe it to yourself to play this.

Just don't play the Switch version. It's indefensibly bad, like it should be illegal to sell that version. Buggy, crashy, framey, hard to look at, just a total fucking mess. Really wish the full scope of how terrible this version of the game would be was more readily apparent before I ended up choosing the physical Switch version on my backer survey!!

Lost Judgment (PlayStation 5, 2021)

Lost Judgment was another big surprise for me. I enjoyed the first Judgment's story, but kind of hated almost everything about actually playing it, and only hated playing it even more when I picked it up again this year to refresh myself before the sequel came out. Lost Judgment, on the other hand, is the most fun a Yakuza game has been to play since Yakuza 0 with a story that's just the dictionary definition of acceptable.

But yeah holy shit they did it, they finally paid off the Dragon Engine debt and made a Yakuza game that's got fun action combat and a ton of weird optional side activities. Like, really fun combat. Best in the series combat. The new Snake style is super fun, having three styles makes a lot more sense than having two, they all flow into each other way more naturally, you can do funny air juggles, it's genuinely the best it's ever been. The breadth of side stuff reminds me of Noted Best Game In The Series Yakuza 5, there's wayyyy more than you think there would and reasonably should be. Like even more than Yakuza 7, and that already felt like it was mostly back on the right track in that regard. And sure it's all pretty hit or miss, but that's the way things should be with these games, dammit. They should get wild with it and they super did and I'm so happy it finally happened again.

It's a shame the story just isn't super engaging! Not awful, just not that compelling. I really hope the weird business with Kimura's agency not knowing what a computer is doesn't stop a third Judgment game from happening, because an iteration on the gameplay from this one with a story that's more in the caliber of the best this series is capable of could be fucking killer.

The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (Nintendo Switch, 2021)

This is kind of a weird game to talk about. There's a lot of weird aspects to unpack about how it was released.

The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is a collection of two games, "The Great Ace Attorney Adventures" and "The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve", neither of which were released outside of Japan until this year. The first game originally came out in 2015 and was met with, from my outsider view, a pretty negative reception. So much so that I really didn't hear anything about the sequel when it released two years later in 2017. It seemed like a flop that was destined to sit in the no localization corner with Ace Attorney Investigations 2 (Capcom! You dumbasses!! Give AAI2 an official release!!! It's one of the best games in the franchise!!!) until suddenly in 2021 it didn't. Capcom was just bringing them both over here in a compilation, suddenly as that.

After playing through this collection I can say two things: I 10000% percent understand the initial reception in Japan, and I think The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is pretty damn good. Releasing it like this was absolutely the only correct call on Capcom USA's part. If US fans got it piecemeal like Japan did there would've been riots. The fact that it was initially split into two games with a two year gap between each is insane. This is just one bigger than usual Ace Attorney game.

GAA1 is, when taken on its own, SO fucking weirdly paced. The first case is genuinely bad in my opinion. It's your average Ace Attorney tutorial case except expanded out to three and a half hours. Then you get to case two expecting things to pick up and, while not bad, it's entirely an investigation segment. The third case is trial-only (but again, not bad!). The fourth case finally has you do both one investigation segment and one trial segment, and then the fifth and final case is the first and only one that dares to take place over more than one day. And then it's over! And it's over with an almost Halo 2 level "see ya next game suckers" ending! I wouldn't go so far as to say GAA1 is bad, but it is a game that's mostly setup and, when taken as a standalone product, has bizarre pacing that's only acceptable in the context of it being the first half of a larger thing you can immediately continue.

With all that out of the way though, when taken as the one large product it was released worldwide as, Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is the best game the series has had since Ace Attorney Investigations 2. The first half being basically nothing but setup is, coincidentally enough, good at setting up overarching mysteries and characters for the second half to very successfully make good on. Especially the characters. The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles has the most eminently likeable core cast of characters since the original Ace Attorney trilogy. It was extremely bittersweet leaving them at the end of it all. Herlock Sholmes is the best character of 2021. He is a huge dip shit and he is my huge dip shit. The ultimate lovable dumbass. And then it has all the charming writing, music and animations you'd expect from a good Ace Attorney on top of that. If you're in the mood for an XL AA and you go in knowing that it's gonna be big and take its time, I can't recommend it enough.

Bravely Default II (Nintendo Switch, 2021)

Ok look, I know every single year I have one game where I go "this was objectively good but still disappointed me" and in recent years I've even made a disclaimer similar to this one right here. Bravely Default II is this year's game. But before I get into it I feel the need to stress, emphatically stress even, that this game is objectively good. I played it, I beat it, and overall I enjoyed it. It would not be on this list if I didn't. Please please please do your best to keep this in mind as you read the following rambly wall of text.

Bravely Default II might be one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I love the first Bravely Default. It's one of my favorite JRPGs of all time. Final Fantasy V is my favorite Final Fantasy and they made a shiny new FFV just for me with an insanely good soundtrack. Just that would have been enough for me, but they also went and did one other thing: they made it weird. Bravely Default gets fucking WEIRD.

What starts out as a purposefully traditional "warriors of light please you must save the crystals" story suddenly turns into what appears to be a time travel story after you "save" the last crystal, which then turns out to actually be a multiple dimensions story when you find out your cutesy fairy companion Airy is secretly a major villain, which is signified by the game's subtitle on the title screen changing from "WHERE THE FAIRY FLIES" to a big goofy red "AIRY LIES". You run through multiple dimensions, each one becoming more and more warped and distorted from the original one you knew, until you eventually face the final boss on the edge of all realities, banding together with every alternate universe version of your heroes as represented by your actual friends on your 3DS online friends list. And that's just an extremely surface level synopsis of how the back half of that game just fuckin’, goes for it. Just does a bunch of extremely weird, over the top, unexpected things that make it stick in your mind forever.

I don't like the direct sequel, Bravely Second, as much as the first game but it also Just Fuckin’ Goes For It. Maybe even harder in some respects! Like, the game opens immediately on a scripted unwinnable fight with the final boss and halfway through the game you fail in stopping his plan, and the solution is to use the newly unlocked New Game+ button on the main menu to go back to that unwinnable fight and break the scripting so you can win. The true final boss attempts to defeat you by sending you back to the main menu and literally forcing your cursor to pick the delete save option. The Bravely Series Fucking Goes For It! It rules!! I love it!!!

Anyway, the scene is late 2019. I'm on the last leg of my commute home from work, walking to my apartment from the bus stop, begrudgingly watching The Game Awards on my phone. Suddenly, the announcement I never expected to see on Geoff's dreadful obligation of a show magically appears: fucking Bravely Default II. I honest to god started jumping up and down and yelling on the sidewalk. I cannot remember the last time a game announcement surprised and delighted me that much, let alone one at the fucking Game Awards. It was all I could think about for the next couple of weeks. My mind raced with all the wild directions they could possibly go from the end of Bravely Second. Hell, they were already calling the third game in the series Bravely Default II, what title screen nuttiness would they get up to this time? I was so fucking pumped. They were doing it! They even got the original composer back after scheduling conflicts stopped him from working on Bravely Second! This was gonna rule!

Bravely Default II is a good game. It still has the rock solid core job system gameplay the rest of the series has. Bravely Default II is also the worst game in the series. Bravely Default II Does Not Fuckin’ Go For It, in any respect aside from the music. Revo did his job there. Nobody else did.

For starters, Bravely Default II wasn't developed by the studio that developed Bravely Default and Bravely Second, Silicon Studio. It was instead handled by Claytechworks, the developers of the mobile game Bravely Default: Fairy's Effect. I'm assuming this is the reason a lot of Bravely Default II's gameplay and mechanics feel like varying degrees of a regression from Bravely Second. Bravely Second (and technically Bravely Default: For The Sequel, which is the upgraded version of the original that was the only version released internationally) introduced a lot of interesting new job mechanics, skill interactions, and overall gameplay systems that are either severely pared down or completely absent in Bravely Default II.

It's also just kinda fucking ugly? The first two games were pretty damn good looking for the 3DS, with well-stylized characters and very pretty painted backgrounds. The backgrounds here in Bravely Default II are still nice, but the models look rough and on a technical level everything just looks grainy and blurry and there's a lot of framerate hitching.

The whole thing very much feels like a separate studio that wasn't several iterations deep in a series had to scramble to hammer a game into a shape mostly resembling the shape of those old games while missing a lot of the details. I don't know why this change of studios was made. I hope either Claytechworks gets it together or Silicon Studio comes back for a hypothetical sequel.

But beyond the gameplay shortcomings, my biggest misgiving with Bravely Default II is that it does not have that Bravely series juice, and I was DESPERATELY craving the juice. It makes some meager attempts to provide the juice, but it's just water with food coloring. The story and presentation just does not have it together, and the "wild stuff" they do try to pull mostly falls flat. The final boss genuinely snuck up on me. They do a few fakeouts with the final boss near the end of the game and I honest to God thought the actual last fight was another fakeout until it was over, with only the degree to which how hard the music was going (extremely hard, hard enough for me to look back on the fight as being cooler than it actually was) giving me any sort of suspicion that this was truly supposed to be the climactic final battle.

Even worse than the stuff they fumble is the stuff they just don't do, which is most of it. One of those later game fakeout bosses starts to play a key theme from the original Bravely Default, hinting at some sort of deeper meaning/connection/plot, but there isn't any. Nothing comes of it. That character just disappears after that fight, leaving you to maybe potentially go out of your way to find a hidden lore page to get any info on what her deal was, just like so much of the rest of the game's plot details. I also didn't think the final dungeon was the final dungeon! It's just kind of a lightly altered version of the world map!! Hell, they don't even do anything weird with the title screen!!! They named the third Bravely game Bravely Default II and they don't even do anything weird with the title like the first two games did!!!! Fuck!!!!!

Bravely Default II is a good game. I played it, I beat it, and overall I enjoyed it. It's a shiny new Final Fantasy V just for me with a good soundtrack and, as previously stated, that's enough for me.

Psychonauts 2 (Xbox Series X, 2021)

In a list already full of big shocks, this was the biggest shock. I genuinely kinda can't believe how well they pulled Psychonauts 2 off.

If you asked me what my favorite games were in 2005, as one of the handful of people who played Psychonauts, I would have put Psychonauts pretty damn high up on my list. I spent at least a decade after it came out lamenting the lack of a sequel and cursing the world for ignoring such an incredible game, so much so that eventually all the energy I had behind those feelings was just depleted. When Double Fine finally did announce Psychonauts 2 as a crowdfunding campaign, my reaction was along the lines of "sure, fine, I'll believe it when it's out". The release of Psychonauts 2 ended up sneaking up on me.

I only ended up realizing it was imminent like a week or so before its release date, and in an "oh fuck wait shit I actually am excited about this" frenzy I decided to replay the original to refresh myself, and I'm glad I did because it just made it that much more clear how much they fucking NAILED Psychonauts 2 when I ended up playing it right after. It's like the original game came out 16 days ago, not 16 years ago. They didn't skip a beat, didn't age a day. It's uncanny, like everyone involved with the first game immediately time traveled to 2021 after production finished. The entire voice cast is back and firing on all cylinders (except maybe Cruller, whose voice got much more southern and much less grandpa in the interim), the writing and environments are as wild and inventive and charming as ever, and the gameplay is monstrously refined from the first game. Just wildly better, it's full of smart improvements and plays great (Jeff if you're reading this you're insanely, impossibly wrong (also hi)). I could go on and on about what they got right but I'd have to list nearly everything.

I genuinely think the only criticism I have is that by focusing the story so hard on having a big central mystery, it feels more like you learn how characters relate to that mystery rather than learning about the characters themselves, and I liked naturally learning what made each character who they were over the course of a level in the first game. For instance, I had zero idea why Compton's level was game show themed until I looked at his room in photo mode at some point and saw that he was watching game shows on TV and kind of inferred from there that he's just cooped up watching them 24/7, whereas I feel a detail like this would have more effortlessly revealed itself over the course of the level in the first game.

But I'm nitpicking. Psychonauts 2 is an incredible, almost impossible seeming follow-up to one of my favorite games ever. Just stunning considering the gap between releases and what Double Fine has done/been through in that gap. I'm so happy it happened, and I'm so happy I got to play it. Psychonauts 2 is game of the 2021, just edging out Metroid Dread. Thank you.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania (Nintendo Switch, 2021): This is a good game, but mostly on the merits of being built off two great games. They made a lot of weird decisions with it, and it's an aesthetic downgrade on every level, but for the most part it's still those Super Monkey Ball 1 & 2 levels, and those are still good. 100% the best Monkey Ball product released in the last decade and a half. Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (Nintendo DS, 2008): And in search action Castlevania games that DO have "castle" and "vania" in the title, this is probably the most fascinating of them all. Absolutely the best one mechanically. The glyphs are a cool mix of standard weapons and Soma's soul system, and turning the MP bar into a Souls series-style stamina meter is a cool shakeup. If they managed to make a sequel to this before Konami decided to be Konami, it probably would have been the best in the series. Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade (PlayStation 5, 2021): This is a better version of a fantastic game and the added Yuffie side mode is very good. Yuffie might just straight up be my favorite character to play as? Super versatile and fast with a real fun ability set. Really looking forward to using her more in the sequel. The story for her campaign is decent too, I just wish they left the Deepground dipshits in the basement where they belong. New Pokémon Snap (Nintendo Switch, 2021): New Pokémon Snap is exactly that. It is a New Pokémon Snap, but bigger and fancier. I was never one of the ones clamoring that there's GOTTA be another Pokémon Snap RIGHT NOW like a lot of people were, but I would have gladly accepted one at any time, and here I am now to accept it. It's extremely similar to the first game, but that 20-something year gap does a lot to mitigate that being a negative. Looking forward to Newer Pokémon Snap in 2041! Monster Hunter Rise (Nintendo Switch, 2021): Monster Hunter Rise whips. Literally, you have a grappling hook you can whip around with. But yeah, it's solid as hell Monster Hunter with very little of what got in the way in MH World. They completely revamped the Hunting Horn, and while I think it's still fun I do miss the old one. Also a little light on content, but nothing a G rank expansion won't fix. Good stuff! Hitman 2 & Hitman 3 (PlayStation 4 & PlayStation 5, 2018 & 2021): Grouping this in as one game since it essentially is and I played it all at once. A bucket load of great new levels and mechanical additions to the formula established in the previous game. Not much more to say than that, it all just kinda rules. Hitman just kinda rules. Except Sniper Assassin mode, that sucks. Mario Party Superstars (Nintendo Switch, 2021): I feel a lot of the same ways about this as I feel about Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania. A good game carried on the backs of great games with a lot of weird decisions around the edges, but still the best product released in the franchise since the mid 2000s. Some of the items are just too busted, and a lot of the rules changes drain the typical Mario Party tension and stakes out of the whole thing. Great online play though, hope it eventually gets more boards as DLC. Resident Evil Village (PlayStation 5, 2021): I had fun with Resident Evil Village. It's good. When I was done with it I never wanted to play it again. It's going for something more action-y than Resident Evil 7, and what it ends up being is weirdly reverent towards Resident Evil 4 but with none of the mechanical chops to back it up (masterfully demonstrated by its absolutely terrible take on The Mercenaries mode). Entertaining in the moment but instantly forgettable. A popcorn video game, and there's nothing wrong with that. Virtua Fighter 5 Ultimate Showdown (PlayStation 4, 2021): Virtua Fighter 5 rules and it's nice that they ported it to something other than 360 and PS3. I would have rather had a Virtua Fighter 6. They also should have given it rollback netcode. And put it on the PC. The apparent success of this release has given me high hopes that I will eventually get all of those.

And that’s a wrap on 2021, gamers. What does the new year hold for this neglected website? I dunno man. I’d like to at least get that article about the ToeJam & Earl 3 racism final boss up so that story is somewhere other than a Twitter thread, but beyond that you’ll just have to wait and see. As always, thank you so much for reading to the end of this. See ya next year.

[polarisbibliotheque]

DMC OC Week - Day 3: Past

OC + DMC Universe

Summary: “After 10 years, Dante goes back to the city of Remény, a place where he left much more than dead demons and thankful humans. He’d finally meet her again.”

Content: Honestly, everything you’d find in a DMC game. But with more existential crisis and exploration of repressed feelings (it’s a wild ride).

Age rating: +16

Word Count: 3.3k

“So… What’s your name, lady?”

On that grim day, when all hope was lost and Diana thought death was certain, that man in a red coat jumped in to help her defend her own life. She deemed it as good as gone, but that man stood by her side when no one else did.

And not only that – when Diana was sure she would get mortally hit, he stood in front of the blade, a scythe piercing through his chest. She screamed in horror as blood gushed from the wound, pooling around her feet and sprinkling on her hands and face. He couldn’t die, not for her. If the only person who decided to help her had to give their life for Diana, she would choose to die – he definitely was too good to go in such a terrible manner.

But he simply took the scythe off his chest and kept on going. As shocked as she was, Diana still managed to get the bloody scythe from the floor and fight. It was heavy and clunky, but she’d do whatever she needed to survive.

When all demons were gone, that man turned around to speak to her for the first time.

“Diana. And yours?”

“Most people call me Dante.” As he answered, Diana could only raise one eyebrow. ‘Most people’? How many other names did he have? “Those people who left you behind, you know them?”

“Hmmm.” Her reply was nothing more than an annoyed hum and it would remain like that. Diana checked her wound to assess how bad it was, but her heart ached more than any physical pain she felt.

What happened that day was only the last drop of water to overflow the cup of hurt emotions Diana had inside. For too long she had dealt with being mistreated by everyone around her – but she didn’t expect to be left to die like that.

Dante kept watching her for a while… She reminded him of someone.

“You think they’ll open those doors now to let you in?” He had to find out what to do next. Dante needed to get the job done, but now she was under his protection. He wouldn’t leave Diana behind, but he couldn’t move on killing demons relentlessly with a hurt human by his side. He needed to get her to safety.

And Diana just stared back at him.

“Perhaps if we ask nicely.” Her statement dripped sarcasm, making him laugh briefly. It wasn’t a laugh of enjoyment, but one that recognized how humans could sometimes be worse than demons. And it also recognized some mannerisms from a company he missed so much in his life.

“What about your family? Do you have someone around?”

“I told them to leave during the first wave. We weren’t together when the demons attacked, and I didn’t want them to die because of me.”

Diana barely looked at Dante, but he felt a pull in his heart with her words. He knew exactly what she meant – Dante himself would get the people he loved to safety first during emergencies and if he died, so be it. At least they were safe.

Especially if it was his family. If he still had one.

“The sun’s about to set, we better find a safe place to spend the night.” He looked at the skies, the color changing to a darker tone. At night, the city would be swarming with demons that lurked in the shadows – and those things would smell Diana’s fresh blood like sharks.

“Don’t worry about me, you have a job to do. I can go on my own.” Diana took the scythe from the floor again, testing the weight on her leg. It hurt more than she expected, and it didn’t stop bleeding.

But she learnt to be alone. It had been a very long time since she couldn’t trust anyone, and that day sealed her belief that she could depend on herself and herself only. Although Dante saved her, Diana also thought the world of the people who left her to die. The people she forgave so much so she wouldn’t be alone – but she was. Left to die. Left to survive.

Dante furrowed his brows. Vergil. Diana had some of his mannerisms: the way she was cold and distant, sarcastic and stoic. A lone survivor – instead of keeping it light-hearted like the Crimson Slayer, she had the cold, polite aura of the Dark Slayer.

Dante couldn’t leave her there to die.

“Well, you’re not going very far with that leg of yours.” He pointed out, making her stare at him. “C’mon. I’d prefer to continue our chat in a place where those demons won’t turn you into their Happy Meal time.”

A faint smile appeared on Diana’s lips, even though she didn’t want to. That alone made Dante a little more content about himself – he knew Vergil was hard to crack, but Dante had his ways to deal with his brother. Perhaps he could do the same with her.

When someone was so used to harshness, a little kindness could go a long way.

*

The mirrored walls were covered in blood. Chairs and tables were tossed around, broken, blocking the way. The floor had drag marks everywhere, covered in crystals of broken glass, bottles and cups. There were no bodies left – and if there were, they wouldn’t want to see them.

A pub wasn’t the most obvious choice for a safe place to spend the night, but it had only two entrances: Dante and Diana blocked the back door with chairs and tables, making sure no demon could enter. They left the front door unblocked, though – if they needed to escape, that was the route.

Dante knew a handful of demons who could teleport through the barricade, so an escape route was a must.

Diana sat by one of the last chairs on the bar, the scythe resting by her side, close enough to be grabbed in an emergency. Dante stood by one of the blood sprinkled windows right at the other side of the pub, checking if the streets were safe.

But he also checked on her. Diana’s wound was worse than he initially thought, and Dante was suspecting there was some sort of poison that wasn’t allowing her to heal. It kept bleeding and that was a huge problem – not only because it could attract demons, but it was unsafe for a human to bleed so much.

“Hey, Diana. Let me take a look at that.” He decided to approach her, which seemed to startle her. Diana was too lost in thoughts to remember she was there with someone else.

“It’s ok. I’m fine.” She answered briefly, but shied away from him as soon as Dante was close enough to touch her.

That annoying tug on his heart stroke again. What the hell did people do to her to make that woman so avoidant?

He understood Vergil – he really did. Neither Dante or his brother had an easy life and even though Vergil did some stupid ass things in pursuit of power, Dante knew where it came from. He knew why Vergil was so avoidant and so closed up, deeming his feelings as a weakness – Dante could never really judge him.

Yes, Vergil was a pain in the ass to deal with, but he could understand wanting to become full demon and leave all his humanity behind. For his brother to get like that, though, it took a lot. Dante’s heart always got hurt seeing another human with those traits, because it usually stemmed from a great pain.

He had always been the soft-hearted twin.

“Ei, I know a thing or two about first aid.” He sat on what was left of the seat by her side, leaning most of his weight on the bar. Dante didn’t want her to get even more uncomfortable – reaching out was a matter of patience. “But I do know a lot more on demonic wounds. Scythe through the chest, remember?”

Diana let a little smile color her lips, making Dante smile back – a little proud on breaking through that thick coat of ice, even if it was just a little bit.

“That thing isn’t healing, right? We’ll have to patch it up somehow until we find someone who can properly take care of you.”

“I don’t need to be taken care of.” Diana’s response was almost automatic – she even stopped talking as soon as she noticed the words coming out of her mouth. Luckily, Dante brushed it off and didn’t tease her as she expected he would do.

“Oh, I know that. You faced head on a bunch of demons with a metal stick as a weapon.” It was a compliment, and she wasn’t expecting that. Dante took Diana completely by surprise and disarmed her so easily. She didn’t even know what to do with herself. “Say what. I’m gonna find whatever bottle's left on this joint and pour us a drink. Whenever you get uncomfortable, we stop to have a sip and chat. How do you feel about that?”

Diana still shied away when Dante leaned a little towards her but he took her answer as a good omen.

“If you can find a surviving drink in this place, fine.”

*

“You have to be quite strong to be able to take a stab through your heart and keep on going.” Diana barely moved as Dante saw what he could do on her thigh.

It was way worse than he was used to see in humans. Diana mentioned a Monk at the Cathedral who could help, but he didn’t want to break the news that it was probably going to take a lot more work than just patching her up. There was something more at work there – Dante couldn’t make out if it was a poison, a jinx, a hex, or whatever else those demons had in their bodies. He just knew she was at a great risk.

But Dante also didn’t want to admit that to himself. He decided to stay in denial and tell himself “everything is gonna be alright”. He probably was being too overdramatic, too much of a doomsday person. Or at least that’s what he wanted to think.

He wasn’t going to lose her. He wasn’t able to save his brother and bring Vergil back to a normal, functioning life where he didn’t have to know only suffering and harshness – but he could do that to Diana. He could save her. He had to.

“Eh, it’s part of the job.” Dante brushed it off, already used to it. He lost count of how many times he was impaled by blades.

Dante immediately stopped what he was doing, though, when Diana took her glass from the table to take a sip of whisky. He leaned back, taking his own broken glass between his long fingers covered by black leather gloves.

“Everything ok?”

“Hmmm.” She just nodded back, taking another sip of alcohol. Dante waited, knowing she’d say something else. At least that’s how it was with Vergil. “I’m not used to that much… Touching.”

“It’s ok. You’re doing fine.” Dante’s lips searched for the part of the glass that wasn’t broken for another sip of whisky, looking aloof to allow Diana to smile briefly. She tended to smile when he wasn’t looking, even if it was a shadow of a proper smile. “We have the whole night.”

And in those sky-blue eyes, she found nothing but honesty. Dante wasn’t human, Diana knew that. But his heart was an open book in his eyes – there was something in there. A kind of pure honesty mixed with loneliness. A longing for kindness in return.

Dante waited patiently until Diana said it was ok for him to work on her wound again. He had a few first aid things resting on the bar that could help – the most he could find on that hopeless place. She didn’t touch her glass for quite a while.

“Scythe through the chest, just like the song…” She muttered to herself, drawing his attention. “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame…”

“Darlin’, you give love a bad name.”

As soon as Dante sang back to her, Diana smiled. The very first honest smile that lit up her face, making Dante smile back. They were making progress.

*

“You seem to know my brother well even though you spent years apart.”

Vergil walked gracefully by Diana’s side. Enveloped by the darkness of the night, both moved silently like specters, making almost no noise. They didn’t want to draw the attention of demons during a rescue mission – they could investigate further when people were safe and the whole crew got back together.

“Dante did help me when I had no one else. He isn’t that easy to forget.”

“That you are right.” Vergil’s tone was annoyed, making her smile. “His foolishness is remarkable.”

Diana didn’t want to laugh out loud, but she did – making Vergil raise an eyebrow towards her. He wasn’t used to people laughing of the things he said… Well. People other than his brother. Dante seemed to be the only one who thought Vergil’s dry humor was funny. Having another person outside his family be so… Welcoming to him was surely different.

“It is, but it always puts a smile on our faces, right?” Diana agreed with a sigh, contemplating the bright moon high in the velvet blue sky. “He can always make me smile.”

Vergil wasn’t expecting that remark – but she was right. In all his foolishness, Dante made him smile even when Vergil didn’t want to. The Dark Slayer lost count of how many times they ended up laughing when Dante started to follow him around during an argument to “hug it out” while Vergil literally ran away around the shop’s table.

It was very angry laughing between both, but it always worked like a charm to make them less angry and stop screaming at each other.

“Hmmm.” And Diana furrowed her brows when she noticed Vergil had the same mania she had to hum while thinking. She wondered if Dante also noticed that years ago. “You’re also right about that.”

“Does he follow you around for a hug when you’re avoiding all human contact as well…?”

“…And you keep pushing him away, but that idiot is worse than a hungry koala?” Vergil completed her question, making Diana start laughing immediately.

And even though he didn’t want to, Vergil ended up laughing as well.

[liugeaux]

The Master of Blasting

Months ago, once I realized my Retron had a save-state feature, something got into me. I realized I could go back to old retro games and actually finish them. Sure, I played 100s of games in the 8 & 16-bit eras, but I’ve never been that good at anything with a steep difficulty. Most games of the late-80s, early 90s were punishingly tough and typically, without cheat codes I never got to see the end of them.  

After playing through all the old Donkey Kong Country games and Sonic the Hedgehog 1, I turned my eye towards a peculiar series I had only dabbled in before, Blaster Master. With the release of Blaster Master Zero on Switch, I was extra interested in diving into the well-regarded B-tier NES original.  

With a little research, I found that a total of 8 Blaster Master games have been released...that’s when the classic Sergio completist kicked in. I convinced myself that I shouldn’t play the new Switch games until I’ve completed all of the retro titles. When I began my journey I didn’t realize it would be such a headache.  Here’s my run-through of all the Blaster Master Games.  

1988 - Blaster Master (NES)

Ah, the original. This little game has a charm to it that most games of the late 80′s don’t have. It was clearly inspired by Nintendo published games like Metroid and Zelda. Blaster Master’s key gimmick is the ability to play as the armored tank Sophia the 3rd or as an on-foot character named Jason, the pilot of the tank. As needed, Jason jumps out of the tank and enters human-sized doors.

Blaster Master is a 2D platformer, but once Jason enters a door, the game switches to an overhead perspective for navigation through maze-like dungeons. None of the mazes are particularly hard to solve, but all of the game’s bosses are found in these dungeons. As a kid, having a game that completely switched perspectives was rad. I never owned it as a child, but I vividly remember my time with it through rentals and such.  

This first game is super hard and I found myself using known glitches to get past the game’s harder boss sequences. In true Metroidvania-style, there’s heavy backtracking throughout Blaster Master and if you don’t know where you’re going getting to the next level can be quite annoying. Having played the whole game, I can finally say that despite a super strong first impression, Blaster Master isn’t that great. 

It's WAY too hard and by the halfway point the luster had worn off the unique gameplay. For some reason, this is the point where I decided to dive headfirst into the rest of the Blaster Master games. I’m a glutton for punishment I guess.  

1991 -  Blaster Master Boy (Game Boy)

Prior to playing the original, I had no idea there were so many titles in this series. I definitely didn’t know there were multiple portable entries. Blaster Master Boy is less a Blaster Master game and more a Bomberman game. Technically its a sequel to the Bomberman spin-off Robo-Warrior. A quick trip over to Youtube can confirm that the gameplay and music are lifted directly from Robo-Warrior. To add even more confusion, in Japan, Robo-Warrior was called Bomber-King, Blaster Master Boy was Bomber-King Scenario 2 and it wasn’t even published by the same company.  

Because of this weirdness, I didn’t spend too much time with Blaster Master Boy. It also didn’t help that there isn’t a decently priced copy anywhere on the internet.  

1993 - Blaster Master 2 (Genesis)

Five years after the original, Blaster Master returned to the console market with Blaster Master 2. It was a Sega Genesis exclusive and the only title in the series released in the 16-bit era. Playing this immediately after the original really made it quite hard. The controls aren’t as precise and the difficultly level is somehow ratcheted up. Blaster Master 2 is a more straight forward platformer without the backtracking of a traditional Metroidvania. 

Unlike the first game, when you enter the human sections of the game, you don’t start a top-down sequence. Instead, the pilot levels are 2D platform shooter areas. All of these seem half-baked, clunky and compared to the game’s contemporaries, quite sad. Fortunately, top-down gameplay wasn’t completely abandoned, before the end of each level there’s an odd top-down sequence, where you pilot Sophia. This mechanic never returns in future games, but taking the rest of the game into consideration, it really isn’t terrible.  

Unfortunately, there’s not much good to say about Blaster Master 2, It hits most of the design notes that the first one hits but the entire experience feels like it was made by a completely different team. Funny enough, after saying that, I looked it up and Blaster Master 2 was, in fact, made by a completely different team. Ha! 

The game’s only saving grace is its vivid color pallet and solid sprite design. Like the first game, the music solid, but unless you’re taking a trip through the whole series like me, Blaster Master 2 can be skipped.   

2000 - Blaster Master: Enemy Below (Game Boy Color)

It took Sunsoft awhile to get around to the Blaster Master series again, but in 2000 they came out swinging. Blaster Master: Enemy Below was released for Game Boy Color and of all the games on this list, it is the game that most resembles the original. Much of the art is designed to look nearly identical to the NES games’, even down to a nearly pixel-perfect recreation of the SOPHIA tank.   

The top-down Jason segments return as does the extreme difficulty and fantastic soundtrack. It’s hard to really complain about the execution of this title. It was clearly an attempt at just trying to make the closest thing they could to the original and in many ways, it is a tighter and more consistent experience. Unfortunately, that’s also a strike against it. Enemy Below doesn’t bring anything new to the table. The bosses are basic re-hashes of the originals, the levels feel like a “lost levels” DLC pack and the game being portable doesn’t really encourage innovation.  

I guess the coolest thing I can say about Enemy Below is that it's still available for purchase. On the 3DS Virtual Console, you can pick up Enemy Below for about $5. At that price, it’s easy to recommend, especially since it comes with built-in save-state functionality.  

2001 - Blaster Master: Blasting Again (Playstation)

Also, released in 2000 (in Japan, 2001 in North America), is the weirdest game in the series to date, Blaster Master: Blasting Again. For those of you too young to remember, the Playstation/N64 era of video games was full of 2D series trying their hand at 3D games. Blasting Again is an egregious example of this frustrating industry trend. You still pilot a tank, with all the same features, like homing missiles, and hover, but you’re dropped into a fully realized 3D world with painfully bad anime cut-scenes.  

The “Jason” sequences are still here, but they too are 3D and mundanely boring. Also, with this being an official sequel to the original, you play as Jason’s son Roddy, not Jason. Much of the music from earlier in the series is remixed, and rerecorded, so not all is lost in the odd one-off. Unfortunately, the antiquated tank controls and punishing difficulty makes Blasting Again hard to recommend. I was able to play it on PS3 with no issues, but the toggle switch for the digital and analog controls was initially hard to find.  

I ended up sinking about 40 hours into finally beating this tragedy. I wasn’t able to use save states and despite it being objectively bad, I grew to love it’s janky and unfair presentation. As a whole, these games have really tested my ability to control my anger, but Blasting Again was the first one to truly get all the way under my skin.  

2010 - Blaster Master: Overdrive (WiiWare)

Notice, I have yet to say any of these games are good, that’s because they aren’t. What they have is a charm to them that conjures the aura of the scrappy beginnings of gaming and the forced appreciation of only owning 4 games that had no checkpoints. Thus far, despite initial misgivings, I’ve enjoyed my time on this journey. Blaster Master: Overdrive is where that joy ended. The fun I was having with the series was taken out back, brutally beaten, and left to die in the town square as an example to anyone daring to play this absolute nightmare.

Overdrive starts innocently enough. It does it’s best to try and evoke the gameplay and tone of the original and for what it's worth the art style isn’t terrible. The Sophia and Jason gameplay loops are in-tact and even the gun-upgrades are more important than ever. Where Overdrive falls apart is its difficulty and embarrassing lack of control options.  

I’m sure most of you are at least familiar with the Wii-Remote. With this being a Wii-Ware only game, it could only be played with the Wii-Remote. The real downside is that the developer either ran out of time or opted not to explore the myriad of control options the Wii offered. There’s no classic controller support, no Gamecube controller support, there’s not even a way to map buttons to a nun-chuck. You are stuck playing with the Wii-Remote turned sideways.  

This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they had found a better way to implement strafing into the controls. To strafe, the player must hold the B button. That’s the button underneath the Wii-Remote. In a world where the player is using the remote like an old-school NES controller, B button usage is a legit finger-bending-nightmare. Couple this broken control scheme with punishing difficulty and you have the perfect recipe for rage-quitting. I‘m not proud of my behavior during my time with this game and let’s just say I own 1 less Wii-Remote now.

The last thing I want to say about Overdrive is less about the game itself and more about its availability. The Wiiware marketplace is 100% closed, which means there’s no legit way to purchase this game, outside of buying someone’s Wii who had already bought it. This is an ominous foreshadowing of things to come. I would have paid for this game. Hell, I’m deep enough into this BM adventure I would have paid a premium to play this dumb game, but Nintendo’s shut-down of the Wii-Ware shop is a low-key attack on game preservation that us archivist, CANNOT forget. *steps off of soap-box* 

2017 - Blaster Master Zero (Switch/Steam)

With the release of Blaster Master Zero, the series got the most attention it’s had since the original game. Most of that attention was because Zero was basically a launch game for the Switch. The best way to describe Zero is to say that it’s developer Inti’s attempt to take the Blaster Master formula and actually make a decent game. For the most part, they succeed. Oddly enough, almost 30 years later, Zero is the first legitimately good Blaster Master game.  

Much like Enemy Below, Zero tries its hardest to evoke the look of the original NES game. Some refer to games like this as pixel art, others refer to it as lazy...I float somewhere in the middle on it. It was great playing a Blaster Master game with a proper controller where the mechanics actually work. However, it was frustrating seeing a game, based on a design aesthetic that hit its ceiling in the late 80s, try to beautify itself. Many attempts were made to make the design stand out, but it just kept hitting the ceiling established by its predecessors.  

Alternately, by Inti making the game super-playable, the flaws of the older games stand out even more than before. Typically, good Metroidvania’s have an intuitive way of hinting at where you need to go next or a good way of telling you what access you’re new power-ups give you. Due to Zero’s obsession with evoking the original, that intuitive gameplay is replaced with a red box on the map screen. This turns the game into a “drive to red box, shoot things, drive to next red box and shoot more things, experience”, rather than the naturally explorative nature of other games in its genre. The anime story seemed unnecessary from the start, but I’m sure someone will enjoy it. 

While playing Zero I honestly asked myself, “Is this game way easier than the older games, or can I finally control this little tank properly?” I’m sure the real answer is somewhere between those two extremes, but ultimately Zero was a blast, albeit WAY too easy. I’m really looking forward to seeing how the sequel improves upon this wonderful jumping-off point. However, I’m positive I’ll be disappointed that more wasn’t done to bring the series into the modern 2D-platforming space.   

2019 - Blaster Master Zero 2 (Switch)

Zero 2 is very much a sequel to Zero. In true anime fashion, the story immediately gets super self-serious and consequently superfluous. I’m sure some players will love the dialog between protagonist Jason and all of the various anime-faced characters, but that’s not what I’m here for. Needless to say, the story gets involved in ways other Blaster Master games haven’t. That’s not a strike against it, it’s just a characteristic that may not actually matter.  

All previous mechanics are intact here and new ones are introduced almost immediately. If Zero was truly the first good Blaster Master game, then the refinements introduced in Zero 2 make it...wait for it...THE BEST BLASTER MASTER GAME EVER MADE! It controls well, the levels are interestingly built, and where previous sequels in the series lacked innovation, Zero 2 is full of cool and weird, new stuff. The bosses are fresh and interesting, the Jason sequences have been enhanced with a brand new counter mechanic and the space travel segments add a level of depth not seen in previous games.  

I hate that I’m being so positive about the game. It’s been so much fun talking shit about Blaster Master games. Unlike the previous game, developer Inti found a way to modernize the gameplay and still make a genuinely challenging experience. I had trouble with multiple bosses, but never did I feel like the game was unfair, or something was broken. Many of the additions to the story also benefited the gameplay. Something as simple as making the Frog from the original game the reason Jason can immediately leave dungeons serves both the story and gameplay.  

This has been a long journey, and the real hero is Inti Creates. Hopefully, Zero and Zero 2 have done well. The work put in by Inti deserves praise. They have perfected a formula that’s been pending since 1988. Both titles are only $10 on the Switch shop, and at that price, you are basically stealing them. Anyone with a Switch has no reason not to pick at least one of them up and check it out.   

As for the series itself...I have very mixed feelings. There are very few good Blaster Master games. It's a series that trades in loose nostalgia for a widely forgotten NES game. From that, a bunch of often half-hearted sequels were developed trying to capitalize on the little bit of cache the original game still has. I don’t regret my time with the series and I think more titles deserve the Blaster Master treatment, but subjectively, I wouldn’t recommend anyone pick up any games outside of the original and the 2 newest Switch titles.  

[greencrusader13]

All Were Innocent Once: Chapter 9 - The Hunter

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and it’s up there as one of the Cirak chapters I’ve been most excited for (though there are two more that I’m hyped as hell to write). This is the last chapter we’ve got until we skip forward to the year 3653 BBY - people familiar with SWTOR lore will understand its importance. Things are really going to start picking up real soon. These little kids won’t quite be so little anymore.

I also want to give a brief shout-out to @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond and @exeunt-legacy, both of whom have made really awesome art pieces recently that featured Cirak. It means a lot!

As always if you’ve been enjoying these be sure to like and reblog. Feedback - positive, negative, nonsensical - is always appreciated!

Despite his best efforts, the airspeeder remained dead. Cirak huffed in frustration as he slid the wrench out from under the machine and then rolled himself out in suit. Just as when they’d first taken flight the repulsor refused to work, and any hopes Cirak had of flying away remained as grounded as the speeder itself. Though it had taken considerable effort, Cirak had managed to repair the speeder to at least a point of adequate functionality, all save the repulsor. With every attempt at ignition it would refuse to budge from off the ground. He didn’t care how long it lasted. Anything as much as a start was fine by him.

Days ago the Jedi woman had taken Tyar from him, but it felt as though it had been months. Each passing second filled Cirak with regret, anger, and bitterness. He had allowed his little brother – his only living kin – to leave his side, possibly forever. All he could hope was that Tyar was somewhere safe and not stuck like himself.

He was really starting to doubt the claim Kihts always get by.

With a grunt Cirak slumped himself against the speeder, too tired to even bother adjusting himself into a more comfortable sitting position. The heat from the underside of the vehicle had forced him to abandon his shirt as he worked on its repair, and he snatched it up from where it’d been heaped. His legs were sprawled out in front of him, and his arms hung limply at his sides. He felt so tired, and sleep called to him like an old friend, but he knew of whom he’d dream should he welcome it, and it was still too painful. All he could do was work on getting away.

It was nothing short of a miracle that no one had stumbled across him or the wreckage yet, especially one a planet such as Nar Shaddaa. All it took was one gang or errant criminal to stumble across him unprepared, and that would be it. His father’s blaster hadn’t left his side, just in case. As with everyone else who tested their luck on the Smuggler’s Moon it was bound to run out, and it loved repaying in kind. Cirak knew he had to move fast in order to escape her wrath.

Above him the city continued giving off its neon glow. Advertisements flickered in brightly lit signs beckoning him to engage in just about every product, luxury, or vice their purveyor could offer. Below him, infinite black. It struck him for the first time that he had no restraints left. Mom was long dead, and Dad had most likely just joined her. Tyar was no longer his responsibility. When he did finally reach the air, he’d have to ask himself where he’d go next. Offworld was out of the question without credits to spare. Cirak glanced down at the blaster. If need be he could hold up some small store, but that would only be a temporary solution. As unsavory as it sounded, a gang was the most likely was to ensure his survival on his own.

It was an entirely moot point for the time being. He’d first have to get airborne again before he could decide on anything.

Cirak started redonning his shirt when he paused. The only way he’d survive was if he worked. With an annoyed flick he tossed it away and slid back under the airspeeder, wrench in hand. “Okay,” he muttered, tightening the repulsor in place. “You are gonna work for me, or I will personally scrap you and sell you off piece by piece. Got it?” He tapped the wrench against metal, but all he received in return was an emotionless clang.

Sliding out once more, Cirak hoisted himself up and crawled into the driver’s seat for the umpteenth time. With a shaking hand he flipped the ignition again. The airspeeder hummed to life, vibrating gently beneath him. All beginning systems seemed functional. Muttering a silent prayer, he flipped the switch to the repulsor engine.

The vehicle violently lurched upwards, jolting Cirak as it carried him up. The repulsor roared to life, and though it rocked slightly with imbalance, it still floated all the same. He could fly. Laughing, Cirak engaged the landing module before turning the speeder off again. It worked; it actually worked.

Not wanting to waste a second longer, Cirak threw himself from the speeder as he sprinted towards his makeshift encampment around the corner, stumbling as his feet hit uneven concrete and rubble. The Jedi had left him the tent, a canteen of water, and some packages of dried fruit, all of which he’d found hours after they’d left. He’d used all three sparingly. From scavenging the refuse in the surrounding area he’d found a meager plasteel canister of fuel, which he kept inside the tent with the rest. Tucking the snacks and canteen under his armpit, Cirak snatched up the canister with his free hand and made his way back towards his ticket out of Nar Shaddaa’s depths.

Just as Cirak was pushing back the tent flap he heard the roar of an airspeeder overhead. He froze. It couldn’t be his. There hadn’t been anyone else around to take it, and the sound he heard seemed far more stable than the clunky mess he’d just fixed. This was someone else. The planet seemed to have decided that his luck was up.

Cautiously, Cirak peeked his head out from the tent and looked skyward. A red speeder made its descent slowly towards where Cirak’s prize lay waiting for him. He counted four occupants, but couldn’t make out any details from his vantage point. They were probably armed. Everyone here was armed.

Cirak crouched, darting over to the nearby corner of the building, the same one he’d crashed into days earlier. Chunks of rubble and caved-in portions of the storefront provided him some cover, and he ducked behind it. He set down his food and water, switched the canister to his left hand, and then drew his father’s blaster from his side. After taking another deep breath he peered over, finger resting on the trigger.

Now that it was at eye level, Cirak could clearly see the insignia on the speeder’s side, the same one that was painted on the doors of the one he’d stolen. Three goons, all aliens, emerged from it, each wearing some light combat armor more commonly associated with gang enforcers. They spread out in the perimeter of their landing zone, blaster rifles at the ready. Cirak shrunk himself down against the rubble, holding his breath as the footsteps drew closer. He could hear the thug’s bootsteps crunch against the graveled pavement, stopping mere feet from where Cirak hid.

“Nobody here boss,” the goon closest to him called back. His footsteps retreated, and when he seemed a sufficient distance away Cirak exhaled as quietly as he could manage before poking his head out again.

In the passenger seat of the airspeeder sat a portly looking human reclined in the seat, his stubby fingers drumming against the speeder door with a distinct note of impatience. His auburn hair was a single line of short running vertically down an otherwise cleanly waxed dome. What little hair he possessed fanned up at small intervals, giving a spiny appearance not unlike the spikes on a krayt dragon. Although he could only see the man’s profile from a distance, Cirak made note of metallic plating around his jawline that extended upwards to his eyes, masked only by a thin forked beard. Cirak couldn’t imagine getting cybernetics for any reason other than necessity, and given the man’s lack of scars it seemed as though he’d done it by choice.

The man stepped out of the speeder, his long jacket unfurling as he rose. With a gait not unlike someone approaching a long-lost lover he approached the other airspeeder, a single hand outstretched that stroked its scuffed-up hood. Its violet color had been all but scratched away in the landing, and its whole body was riddled with dents. “Oh my sweet girl,” the man said, still petting the vehicle, “What did those kids do to you?” He froze mid-motion and turned back to the closest member of his entourage. “You said there’s nobody here?”

“Uh, well, yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

“Tell me then,” the man started. He whipped out a blaster pistol from his side and pointed it at the speeder’s seat. His puffy face turned a deep shade of red. “Why aren’t there two child corpses in the seats? Someone’s been working on it!”

“Y-yes boss, that makes sense.”

“Find them,” he barked, “But leave them alive. Only kill the older kid if you absolutely have to. The little one will fetch a good price with the right people.” He started for his own speeder again, brushing past his lieutenant.

Blast it, Cirak thought. If they fanned out they’d find him in no time, and he couldn’t fight three gang enforcers by himself. Even one would be a challenge. He could try making a run for it and hope to lose them in the alleyways, but there were so many straight shots that he’d only end up with a bolt in his back. And he couldn’t hide. If they found his campsite then they’d know for sure that he was nearby, and they’d find him eventually.

Dad would know what to do. He always had some idea. Mom used to laugh about them, saying how sometimes his dumbest ideas would get them out of the tightest jams during their smuggling days. “Sometimes you don’t need to know what you’re doing,” Dad had said once. “All you need is a way out and a good aim.”

Cirak glanced down at the fuel canister, frowning. Right now he had the element of surprise, and he couldn’t use the speeder anyways if he was dead. They’d shoot him on sight if they detected him, especially seeing him armed. It was a very bad idea, but the only one he had.

Rising, Cirak heaved the fuel canister across his body with a grunt, hurling it towards the gangsters and the speeder he’d spent so long trying to fix. As it tumbled end-over-end through the air, Cirak tracked its path with his blaster. He released a steady breath. The canister landed at their feet, and they had just enough time to look up in his direction.

Then he fired.

The ensuing explosion rocked him from his feet and sent him sprawling to the ground. Fire swallowed the two closest gangsters before they could even cry out, and the charred remains of the third was sent hurling into a nearby alley. Fiery scrap metal spun out just above him, and Cirak felt wind rush past his face as it whirled by, nearly ending his life then and there. A cloud of smoke billowed from the wreckage, so dark and black that he could barely see it against Nar Shaddaa’s night sky.

Cirak scrambled for his blaster and crawled to his feet. Despite his distance from the blast, his ears still rung, and he braced himself on the building’s support beam for balance. Dust coated his hands, and the scrapes on his hands stuck against the blaster’s handle as he readied his aim.

He scanned the area again, heart racing violently against his chest. The explosion had consumed two of the gangsters, and spat the third out in flames, but he hadn’t seen the fourth, the leader. He was quite possibly dead, and Cirak just hadn’t seen him die. Not like the others.

Moving cautiously, Cirak approached the wreckage. Both his hands remained locked around his blaster. It took all the focus he had to keep them from shaking. Heat emanated from the skeletal corpse of the airspeeder. Metal screeched as its frame melted away, its sound like a wounded animal. Cirak gave the speeder a light kick. This is gonna be a lot harder to repair, he thought with a smirk. Humor was all he had.

Before Cirak could react, strong hands gripped him by the shoulders and hurled him back with colossal strength. He hit the ground hard, and his blaster skidded underneath the other, undamaged, speeder. Cirak started reaching for it, but then he was seized up in his assailant’s grip once more, dragged towards the speeder. They slammed him against the door, and the impact denting it. Cirak cried out in pain.

“Do you have any idea who you’re messin’ with kid?” the gang leader roared, his spittle coating Cirak’s face. The flames had taken a significant amount of his face away, revealing the cybernetic implants underneath. They glowed red-hot, and the flesh nearest it sizzled. “Huh? Do you?!” He shook Cirak again.

“You blew up my home!” Cirak shouted. To his own surprise he felt anger, not fear. “You tried to kill my little brother and I!”

“Wrong,” the leader replied, shoving him to the ground. The passenger-side door opened, and as Cirak pushed himself up he realized that his head was right in its path. “I tried to kill your brother. I’m going to kill you.”

Cirak threw himself back to the ground just in time to avoid having his head crushed with the same ease as a rotten gourd. He rolled, scrambling underneath the speeder as he narrowly dodged the gang leader’s grasping hands that searched for any loose bit of clothing he could use to restrain him. Locating his father’s blaster, Cirak dove for the weapon and fired two shots back. They found only empty air, and above him Cirak could hear metallic beats as the leader climbed over the speeder.

He planted his feet on the speeder’s underside and pushed off. The ground scraped his back as he slid, but he didn’t pay it any mind. Without a second thought he fired again just as the gang leader re-entered his sight.

Heavy weight fell atop him, coating Cirak’s view in black. The smell of sweat filled his nostrils. Clammy skin pressed hard against his own. The sensation made Cirak want to retch, and he scrambled out from underneath the corpse, gasping for air. Fresh air was a nonexistent concept on Nar Shaddaa, but that deep breath then felt the closest thing to it. He was alive.

Someone clapped behind him. “Well done!” Cirak spun towards the voice, blaster raised. All he saw was a silhouette against the shadows of the storefront, and he could only make out vague details. Tall and muscular, befitting of his deep voice; thick, broad shoulders put his wingspan wider than most other men, their size exacerbated by the body armor he wore. Cirak could see the outline of a blaster rifle across his back, and the man didn’t even seem to be considering reaching for it. “I’d lower that, kid,” he said, sharing the advice with a tone no more serious than someone suggesting a meal needed more salt.

“Are you gonna try to shoot me?” Cirak yelled back, keeping his aim steady. Enough people had tried to kill him tonight; he wasn’t about to lower his guard to let it happen again.

“If I was planning on that why would tell you?”

Cirak clenched his jaw. “I don’t know, but how’s that a good reason for me to lower my blaster?”

The man paused. “Fair point.” One hand raised cautiously in front of him, the man reached around his back with other a slowly removed his blaster rifle from its holster. He crouched, and in one smooth motion slid his weapon across the ground to Cirak. “That good enough?”

Hesitating, Cirak glanced between the man and the rifle. It could still be a ploy. Who was to say that he wasn’t carrying some other weapon at his side, or concealed beneath his clothing? But he had been standing there, watching long enough that Cirak hadn’t even noticed his presence at all. If he’d wanted him dead, he’d be dead. Cirak let his aim go limp, the dropped the blaster altogether.

“Good,” the man said, stepping fully out of the shadows. Even by human standards he looked pale, the only color in his cheeks being the red from the neon signs flickering above. The hair atop his head contrasted this feature greatly, as dark as the planet’s abyss and trimmed into a clean crew cut framed by pointed sideburns that curled inwards like horns. Sure enough he wore armor, the quality of which was unlike anything Cirak had ever seen. It didn’t have the same gleam or polish that he’d seen of Imperial and Republic soldiers, but twice as effective, its dark color suited for camouflage.

The man strode past Cirak right on over to the gang leader’s body. He rolled the corpse over, clicking his tongue. “Griph Griph Griph, not how you expected to go out huh? Always lookin’ over your shoulder…Bet you never expected a kid would shoot you in the face.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. After blowing a puff of smoke he stubbed it out on the body.

“Who was he?” Cirak asked as he pushed himself back to his feet.

“Griph Rymor,” the man said, casting a backwards glance at him. “The man’s been racking up quite a bounty since Coruscant. Well, he had been racking up quite a bounty.”

Cirak looked the man over again. It all made sense, the weaponry, the armor… “You’re a bounty hunter?”

“One of the galaxy’s best. Which puts me in a bit of a predicament right now.” He rose, leaning against the speeder. “See, I only hung back because I thought you’d make a good distraction. Didn’t think you’d actually survive, but, lo and behold, you did, all while I was busy getting set up. I’ve been chasing this bounty for a while. I find it pretty disappointing that I didn’t get to finish the job.

“And, since I didn’t finish the job, I can’t be the one who collects.” The man gestured to the buildings, tracing his finger from points that Cirak could not grasp. “There are video feeds everywhere along here. If my employer wants this authenticated – and they often do – they’ll be checking those feeds, at which point they’ll see you making the kill, not me.”

“How’s that my problem?” Cirak said, glaring. The man didn’t feel so benevolent, not anymore. He shot a cautious glance to his blaster again.

“I’m getting to that. Kid, I like getting paid. ‘Paid’ is one of my two favorite words that ends in ‘-aid.’ So, I’m left with two options. Option one: I break both your kneecaps, torch this rather fine airspeeder right here, and then get to work erasing any and all footage of you killing Griph Rymor, which will probably take me the better part of a week to get done. Big hassle for me, lots of pain for you.” The man shrugged, then lifted his arm to reveal a blaster pistol concealed on his person. Cirak cursed less-than-quietly.

“What’s option two?” he asked.

“Glad you asked. You, kid, have one hell of an aim and an even better survival instinct. In my line of work there isn’t a more vital combination than those two things.” He raised two fingers. “Option two: you join my team, and we all split the bounty on this one. Just looking at you I can tell you’d make a great hunter. Ah, don’t worry,” he said, waving off his own comment, “I’ll show you the ropes so you don’t flounder out there. So, what’ll be kid? Crushed kneecaps or credits?”

Cirak looked him over. The man’s face didn’t bear any hint of jest and he watched Cirak expectantly. For a moment he forgot that he was even supposed to answer. “You’re serious?”

“Dead serious.”

I can leave. Cirak glanced around him, then up at the sky. “Will I get to go offworld?”

“Kid the who concept of ‘offworld’ is going to lose its meaning to you with how much of the galaxy you’ll see.”

Cirak laughed breathlessly, the grin spreading on his face unfightable. The prospect of bounty hunting seemed far preferable to gang life or robbing people. There was nothing left for him on Nar Shaddaa. No home, no family, no Tyar… “Credits. Definitely credits.”

The man smirked. “Good, you have some brains.” He approached, extending his hand. “What’s you name kid?”

“Cirak Kiht,” he said, taking it and giving a firm shake.

“Taelros Obi’sey. Welcome to the team Cirak. We’re going to make a bounty hunter out of you yet.”  

[virmillion]

Ibytm - T minus 26 seconds

Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - ao3

Words: 1,965

Logan rubs at a sore spot on the back of his neck and wonders whether the rest of the day will continue in the same manner as the morning promised it could. Virgil, grumbling and annoyed, stumbled out of bed about thirty minutes after they were already meant to be on their way to the dealership. This in itself would be bad enough, but was only worsened when their Uber kept pushing back their arrival time every ten minutes. By the time they finally reached the apartment (and Virgil was finally ready to go), they were well on their way to being ten minutes late to the appointment, and that’s an optimistic view. The reality of the situation dropped them off out front about twenty minutes after the fact. So no, to answer your question, Logan is not having a good day.

He furrows his brow at the droves of new car smell hammering at his senses, wishing he could be like everyone else who actually enjoys the atrocious smell for some godforsaken reason. By an extended arm, he tugs along a very reluctant Virgil, forcing him to move past the shiny displays of brand new cars that they definitely won’t be able to afford.

“We have to make this meeting, love,” Logan is saying. “It’s crucial to follow through on any appointment you make, especially one so important as this, with someone who actually knows what they’re talking about and has the potentially to hold major sway over a significant life decision.”

“And why couldn’t we just do this online at home, where we don’t have to deal with actual people?”

“Because hearing what they can offer in person gives them a sense of physical closeness to the consumer that might tip their offers in our favor, and it will give us a better idea of the type of company we’re working with. Now hurry up. We’re already late, and I don’t want to make a bad first impression worse.” Virgil hems and haws, but he does eventually follow Logan into the pristine white building. Every surface sparkles—no, seriously, every single surface, from the floor to the windows to the ceiling to the glasses around the neck of the lady that strides over to greet them.

“Hey, are you two Mr. and Mr. Sanders?”

“We are,” Logan says. “Can I assume you’re Ms. Poyani?”

“Yep! You can just call me Kathy, though. Pleasure to meet you!”

“I’m so sorry about how late we’re running today,” Logan apologizes, but she waves it off.

“I’ll hear nothing of the sort! Sometimes life just gets in the way, and you needn’t apologize for that.” She clasps her hands together and smiles brightly, turning on her heel. “If you’ll follow me, my desk is right this way. Give me just a moment to tidy it up and pull over another chair, and we can go ahead and get started!” Logan pulls Virgil along to the cluttered cubicle, the walls of which are swarming with pictures of a couple of toddlers—presumably Kathy’s son and daughter.

Kathy takes a seat at the far side of her desk and clicks around on her computer for a minute before turning to face Logan, then Virgil. “Okay, so we’re looking at y’all’s first car, right?”

“Yes,” Logan answers, hoping his practiced eagerness will distract her from the sheer attitude radiating from Virgil. “My workplace moved locations recently, and we’re just looking for an inexpensive vehicle to get me to and from work. Nothing fancy or added on or anything, just your most basic skeleton.”

“We can absolutely work with that!” Kathy pulls a sheet of paper off the mess of folders and binders on her desk—organized chaos, but chaos nonetheless—and points out a few highlighted bullet points with a manicured fingernail. “Based on your preliminary appointment information, I really like this model for you. It’s a little on the larger side, but—”

“We don’t need a big car,” Virgil interjects. “It’s just the two of us, no kids, no carpool, no nothing, so smaller is better.”

“But we’re still open to hearing your pitch,” Logan adds hurriedly, giving Virgil a pointed look.

Kathy blinks, opens her mouth, hesitates, then continues. “Okay, and I thought this one here would be your best bet for your needs while cutting down on gas consumption, so you’ll save money there in the long—”

“If we cared about gas consumption, we’d be looking at mopeds and motorcycles.”

“We are not getting a motorcycle, Virgil.”

Virgil pouts and crosses his arms, sinking lower in his chair as his eyes drift to the pictures on the wall. Kathy surges forward with her pitch, apparently undeterred, and Logan has to wonder how often she deals with people like them. “I tend to suggest new clients start with a two year lease, so you can get a feel for our company and vehicles without being roped in by a long term purchase. Of course, if, at the end of your two years, you like your lease enough to take out a new one, or even purchase the vehicle you’ve been driving, we can always—”

“That’s assuming we don’t change our minds about this company being worth it, too,” Virgil mutters. “Maybe we end up wanting a better place with better deals.”

“Yes, well—”

“Could you excuse us for just a minute, please?” Logan asks weakly. Kathy gives him an understanding nod and scoots out of the cubicle, presumably heading over to greet some people near the entrance. Logan turns to a sullen Virgil. “What is your deal?”

“My deal?” Virgil’s voice is nothing short of aghast as he sits up and points at the papers fanned out on the desk. “This is easily one of the biggest purchases we’re probably ever going to make, something that will literally transport you to and from your livelihood, and you’re just smiling and nodding along with everything she says!”

“She’s hardly had a chance to say anything at all, what with you interrupting so much! At the very least, you could listen to her pitch before you go and shut it down!”

“I already told you what I want, and you shot that down pretty quick, don’t you think?”

“That’s because you wanted a motorcycle, and the only supporting evidence you had for why we should get one was that you ‘really really want one.’ Desire is not a basis for major life decisions.”

“It’s not like you put up any evidence against why we should get one, either.”

“Fine, you want evidence for why I’m not spending our hard-earned money on a motorcycle? How about how they expose nearly all of your person to elements of weather and pollution, as opposed to the trace amounts that get past cracked car windows? Or how they’re more dangerous to operate on busy roads, where most motorists won’t even be able to see you, much less stop in time to avoid a collision? Maybe the little fact that a motorcyclist is thirty-seven times more likely to die in a crash than someone in an enclosed car, and nine times more likely to get injured?”

“Oh, right, like you just pulled those numbers out of nowhere? You didn’t think to share that information when we were at home, where there wasn’t some car dealership full of people hovering nearby to hear how much you want to ignore my opinion?”

“I never ignored your opinion! I took it into heavy and sincere consideration, looked at the facts and statistics, and decided I cared more about our lives than I do some silly dispute about what kind of car we should get, much less an unsafe motorcycle!”

“Is every argument we have now just a silly dispute to you?” Virgil’s voice is tinted with that achingly familiar venom, and it takes all of Logan’s willpower not to let the same toxins seep into his own words.

“Not if you would just keep a level head for once, rather than blowing up every time you hear a perspective that clashes with your own.”

“Name on time I’ve done that before.”

“Try when I last confronted you about your career choice—of which I have been nothing but supportive since, mind you—and you ran out of the house!”

Virgil gets real quiet, real quick. “That’s not fair.”

Logan forces some amount of poise and rationality into his tone, wondering just how much more calmness he can fit in there before he completely explodes. “It is a discussion we need to have, at some point or another, if only to reconcile our differences regarding the situation. Especially when the combined salaries we bring home might not support all the things we both want to achieve in life.”

“Things like what?” Virgil’s voice is soft, tentative, as he still looks off to the side, still refuses to meet Logan’s eyes.

“Well, things like a motorcycle, for one, I guess.” Logan looks at the papers Kathy left behind, scanning over the highlighted bits. “You’d need to get another license specifically for operating a motorcycle, not to mention the price point for all the necessary safety gear that you absolutely will not be leaving the apartment without, and we can’t forget the ticket on the bike itself. I don’t even want to think about how messy the insurance probably is, either.”

“You say all that like you’re actually considering it.”

“Wildly enough, I suppose I could be.” The unbridled hope in Virgil’s face as he turns to Logan is almost more than he can bear. “It’s not our top priority, and I certainly want to first get an actual car, but I’ll admit that I’ve never been one for clunky soccer mom vans. I don’t dislike the simplicity of bicycles and mopeds, but with that simplicity comes a sort of functionality that is just too irreconcilable with my lifestyle. It all really does come down to price, but if we can bend the budget right, maybe we can find a way to do both when we’re at a place where our finances will support it.”

Logan takes Virgil’s hands into his own, running his thumb over the wedding band. “I want us to work this out together, but these are the kinds of real world problems that, realistically, we’re always going to have to face, and keep on facing. From here on out, we’re in this together. We’re a team, and we need to face the world and believe that, not just as an empty platitude, but as a real, true, genuine partnership that strengthens us when we work together.”

“You’re getting pretty deep for an argument about some crappy little hypothetical bike,” Virgil says with a forced laugh.

“Because when we get to the major issues, the ones far more important than some crappy little hypothetical bike, I want us to both be ready for them.” Logan squeezes Virgil’s hands and inhales, wrinkling his nose at the ever-present new car smell still lingering between them. It’s almost like they soaked the building in bleach to give it that finished polish. “I’ll meet you in the middle here, but halfway is a far cry from me coming to you. You need to give a little, because you can’t just keep getting everything you want all the time. You need to be willing to make sacrifices if you want to make this work, and I’ll be the first to do the same.”

Virgil bites his lip, his eyes wobbling dangerously as they rise to meet Logan’s. They sit in silence for a long, long moment before he speaks up. “I’ll meet you in the middle.”

“Good. I’ll go get Kathy, and maybe we can discuss that crappy little hypothetical bike of yours.”

[kcwcommentary]

VLD5x01 – “The Prisoner”

5x01 – “The Prisoner”

The Paladins are attacking a Galra moon base because of some intelligence they’ve been given. I still think Blue’s ice cannon is silly, and here Allura uses it to hold off some advancing magma, which I don’t think would work more than a couple of seconds, but whatever. They are in some huge shaft system built into the moon, and they form Voltron. And the animation of them forming Voltron is the same as it ever has been: In space. But they’re not in space, they’re underground. I understand the show is reusing the form-Voltron animation, but I’ve never understood why. Did they do it for the same purpose 80s shows used repeated animation: To pad time and not have to spend money on new animation? Or was it supposed to be some nostalgia thing? Regardless, the use of the form-Voltron animation here is super awkward.

Shiro orders them to “take down the factory machines,” which is a clunky line of dialog, and they blow up some stuff, and somehow that leads to the entire moon exploding. I really don’t think destroying a factory on a moon would destroy them moon, but whatever.

The Castle Ship is parked on Naxzela: I must say, that does not seem like a safe place to hang out. “Going on missions is a lot easier when someone gives you all the information you need before you get there,” Hunk says. Maybe you should have valued what Keith was doing back in 4x01 “Code of Honor” when he was nearly dying while getting you guys information. The show does this unnecessarily cryptic tone, as if it’s building to some unexpected reveal: Surprise, the source of their information is Lotor! But that’s not an unexpected surprise, it’s actually the opposite: It is expected. If last season’s ending was to be resolved any way other than some manner of cooperation with Lotor, then this season premier to this point would have been way too casual in tone.

Lotor states his motivation: “The Galra Empire is completely reliant on quintessence. Serve that need peacefully, and you have a complete paradigm shift. […] My plan from the beginning has been to find a way to harvest quintessence without resorting to the barbarism of the komar. Extracting quintessence from entire planets at the cost of every living thing: I think not.” The thing is, he’s not lying.

In the end, this show reduces Lotor into a cackling, cliché villain. At the end of season six, we’re supposed to feel surprised that he’s been a maniacal villain all along. The problem is that the show gives us stuff like this. His motivation, stated here, is not a villainous one. His wanting to preserve life matches up with his reputation of letting planets govern themselves that the two Galra discuss in 3x01 “Changing of the Guard.” He doesn’t want to abolish the Empire, but he does want it to stop being so brutal.

Upon hearing that Lotor has been trying to gain access to the rift, Allura responds, “Sounds like you are your father’s son.” Well, that’s overly simplistic of her. It’s expected that she would be particularly aggressive toward Lotor though. “This isn’t a zero-sum game,” Lotor retorts. “All I ask is to be judged by my actions rather than your preconceptions of my race.”

There’s a cute moment of Lance trying to be supportive of Allura, who’s worried about preparing for a presentation she’s giving to the Coalition. This is the part of Lance that I like. Allura gives her presentation via teleconferencing to four alien leaders last seen in 3x01 “Changing of the Guard” and to Kolivan (and Keith standing in the background behind Kolivan). Seeing these particular aliens again makes me wish we had seen more of them during the past two seasons. They are interesting character designs, and it would have given some continuity to the Coalition.

Allura ends the conference call with all but Kolivan and background-Keith. The Blades have been able to conduct many successful missions using information gained from Lotor. Pidge makes a very smart comment, “With all these successful missions taking place in such a short period of time, it won’t be long before the Galra realizes we’re using inside information.” That leads Lance to suggest that they should take advantage of what time they have left and hit as many targets as possible. This is some decent strategic thinking, which I’m not used to seeing characters have on this show. I am again bothered, like I was last season, that they have Keith just standing around behind Kolivan. They could have given the dialog Kolivan had to Keith, but this show would rather give dialog to a reoccurring character than to give it to a main character. It’s strange.

Lotor says any additional information he could give them would be more dangerous than the missions they’ve gone on based on his information before. He has information that he describes as “important on a more personal level” for the Paladins about a prison and a prisoner there. You can almost tell that he’s talking about Sam Holt what with the show then cuts to Pidge and Matt. They’re having a conversation with Nyma and bragging to each other about science and improvements they’ve made to rebel ships. I’m not sure I understand the locational logistics of this scene. Where is Pidge that Shiro and Allura have to contact her through the rebel ship’s communication system rather than through Pidge’s Paladin armor?

Shiro says, “We have a lead on Commander Holt, your father.” This is an aspect of episodic writing that has always bugged me. Realistically, Shiro would never have needed to say, “your father,” but the line was written that way to inform any new viewers who would not understand Commander Holt’s connection to Pidge of what that connection is. I understand why episodic writers write like this, but it always feels artificial to me.

It feels like a stretch that the Galra Empire, which has seriously advanced technology and spans the whole universe, would find a human scientist as being advanced enough to match the Galra’s scientific needs, but that’s apparently what the Galra have done with Sam.

Shiro says that “once the teludav is repaired we can all head over there.” Since when was the Castle Ship’s teludav damaged? And, since the Paladins have been going on a bunch of missions, at least someone one, even if not the Paladins themselves, would have had time to repair the teludav already. Someone like Coran. Where is he? Last we saw of Coran in the last episode, he was on the Castle Ship. He’s nowhere to be seen now and no explanation for his absence has been given.

Fitting her blind impulsivity, Pidge wants to go after Sam right now without the rest of the Paladins. Rolo tries to assure Allura that he, Nyma, and Beezer will serve as backup for Pidge. I’m still confused about the locational difference between where Pidge is at and where Shiro is at. The teludav is used to create wormholes, which the Lions cannot do, so for Pidge to be able to go to this prison while the Castle Ship cannot, wherever Pidge is has to be a long way away from where the Castle Ship is. It mostly just ends up feeling like this damaged teludav is a contrived way of keeping the Castle Ship and the rest of the Paladins out of the story for a while.

The prison is on some asteroid, and Green comes under attack by Galra fighters when they get there. Everyone but Pidge, skydives out of Green down to the asteroid. Matt’s jetpack, as a stand-in for a parachute, is a cliché and fails to function. Rather than anyone else using their jetpacks to maneuver to Matt and grab him, Beezer fires cables at Matt to lasso him. Eh.

They get to the entrance of the prison and find Galra guards laying all over the place. Someone else has clearly already been here. Other alien prisoners are still inside working. Sam is not there. Rolo loads everyone into a Galra shuttle and returns to Green, who’s still fighting Galra. The idea that the shuttle’s engines fail because of how many people are on board is nonsensical. Even if the weight of the number of passengers would prevent the shuttle from reaching the altitude where Green is, the engines wouldn’t cut off. And yet, off they go. Pidge comes by with Green and grabs the shuttle though.

Matt goes into the cockpit, Pidge asks if Matt found their dad, and Matt says, “I’m sorry Pidge.” Pidge reacts in an unbelievable way. She tries to run out of the cockpit, screaming, “Dad? Dad, where are you?” It is totally understandable that Pidge would be emotional, but that she would think Matt is lying to her and her father is hiding somewhere in the rest of the ship is not a believable reaction.

Axca contacts Zarkon. She and Lotor’s other generals “have something in [their] possession [they] think [he] would be interested in.” It’s not specified in the scene, but obviously it’s Sam. They want to “trade” him to Zarkon in order to be accepted back into the Galra. This is such a weird development to me. Since Sam was in a Galra prison, he was already in Zarkon’s possession. So, Axca broke into a Galra facility to capture someone to trade him back to the Galra as a demonstration of their worth and be accepted back by the Galra. It’s not like Axca is adding value to the situation, it’s not like Sam was somewhere outside of Galra control, and Axca captured him. This just doesn’t work for me.

The Castle Ship is now in space (so its having been parked on the surface of Naxzela at the beginning of the episode served no purpose). Found Coran: He’s standing in the background. Both Keith and Coran were relegated to barely visible, silent background characters in this episode; that really annoys me.

Zarkon contacts the Castle Ship. He’s offering to trade Sam for Lotor.

This season premier does not hold up for me on repeated viewing. I felt energy off this episode the first time I watched it, but this time, it seems just okay. I think the first time I watched it, I was caught up in seeing the show reintroduce Sam that I didn’t pay attention. Also, the first time I watched this episode was immediately after having finished season four, so the episode wasn’t functioning as a season premier for me at that time. Rewatching it now, I see it differently. The first half of the episode, focusing on the beginning of the Paladins working with Lotor, is appropriate follow-up to how last season ended. But the second half of the episode is so centered on Pidge’s character arc, that it feels like the episode is ignoring most of the main cast. For a season premier, you can’t ignore the main characters like this. I’m left feeling like a lot is missing from this episode, like the narrative skipped prematurely to this plot development. And given what happens in the next episode, these two episodes do not feel like the beginning of a season.

[headfullofgalaxies]

Now that I’ve completed Pokemon Violet, I want to give an overview of my feelings on the game. The first part will be general feelings, such as playability and enjoyment. Then I’ll go into details about the story and characters under a cut to avoid spoiling people who haven’t finished yet or are waiting for the holidays to get their game.

I won’t lie- the game is glitchy. VERY glitchy. I wish they had delayed the release to polish up the game, because it is very rough. Luckily, none of the glitches I ran across were game breaking. They ranged from inconvenient (accidentally selecting the picnic button while surfing will punt you back to the shore) to hilarious (friends’ trainers showing up in cutscenes during multiplayer). There is, however, one glitch I ran across that is troublesome. At certain camera angles, the shadows in the game glitch and begin flashing in and out of existence. The flashing isn’t super rapid, but it is still very annoying. I don’t know if it is severe enough to harm those with epilepsy or similar conditions, but the game should be approached with caution nonetheless.

Music slapped, praise be Toby Fox. Except the glitch that made the first two measures of the Elite Four theme loop for all eternity instead of actually playing the track, screw that. Ruined my Elite Four experience and I am still salty about it. Like seriously, how does a mistake like that even happen?!

Navigation was alright but it wasn’t as good as Legends: Arceus. Riding, jumping, and surfing were fine and functioned the same as Legends. Climbing functioned the same, but the game didn’t give you the prompt to indicate whether or not a wall could be climbed, so there was a lot of me jumping and gliding trying to climb up walls. Not much of a problem, but a little bit annoying. Gliding sucked. It was just bad. Unlike Legends, where you descended at a consistent speed, this glide begins descending rapidly after a short distance, to the point where you just start falling. There is also no speed up or dive option. This means that gliding was okay for a short distance, but couldn’t be used to actually get anywhere, regardless of how high up you started.

I mentioned my frustration at the hair customization options when I was liveblogging, and my complaint still stands. Some new hairstyles are unlocked at the salon, but none of them are long styles. I don’t know why Pokemon can’t make long hair styles. They don’t seem to have problems with them on npcs, and if it’s an issue with the backpack, there are long styles that could easily go around it (like Miku-style pigtails. I loved those in XY). Also, clothing options were atrocious. I hated every one of the uniform options, as preppy just isn’t my style, and I hate how limiting the uniform was. I like my clothes to match, so the colors I had to work with for the accessories were limited to the colors on my uniform. Also I couldn’t wear a hat with the only hairstyle I actually kinda liked.

Picnicking was actually very fun. Sandwiches were useful for catching rare spawns and shinies, although, like everything else in this game, it’s glitchy and a bit clunky. Being able to wash your Pokemon was a fun and quick process. I did find the eggs somewhat annoying. Every time I picnicked with my Eeveelution team I ended up with dozens of eggs I didn’t want. Not extremely inconvenient, just annoying.

There is a lack of new Pokemon? Like, I know that’s not really the case, the actual numbers are about on par with other new gens, but driving through the region I felt like I didn’t see a lot of the new Pokemon. This wasn’t much of an issue in the earlier routes, but for some reason the later ones felt like they lacked any new Pokemon, and I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because a lot of these new Pokemon were single stage or rare spawns, idk. I’m still trying to figure out exactly why I felt this way.

Writing-wise, the game was very solid. Definitely in the upper tier of Pokemon games for me, although still beneath Gen V. I think a part of it was the split paths forced the games to approach their formula differently. There were also small bits of dialogue between characters that were charming and made the characters feel more present than the cardboard cutouts some of the other gens have provided us.

One final qualm was that there was no voice acting. Every cut scene in this game would have so much more impact if Pokemon would just give it voice acting. I don’t think I need to explain why that is- just think back to Piers “singing” in Sw/Sh and the reason becomes obvious. However, I get the impression Pokemon has no intention of adding voice acting to their games, and I don’t know why.

Next I’ll be going into detail about the story and characters. Spoilers are beneath the cut.

Victory Road was very standard with nothing particularly special or interesting going on plotwise. I did like the gym challenges this gen. They were a bit strange, but I felt they captured interesting aspects about the gym leaders and towns in most of them. These past few gens’ gyms have begun to feel stale to me- just differently decorated rooms where you go through challenging trainers. Each of these challenges felt distinct, and I can easily tell you which challenges and gyms went with each town. The gym leaders were a bit hit or miss. Some didn’t have much of a presence, but there were some that interacted with their towns and felt like a part of the world. Same with the elite four. Being introduced to them earlier in the game, rather than having their first and only appearance be the Champion exam, made them feel like more of a presence in the world.

Nemona was a rather standard rival as far as her role in the story goes. However, the game did some interesting things with her that I appreciate. Having her actually be a Campion-ranked trainer that is canonically going easy on you to help you grow throughout your journey was a unique approach to the rival character and one I appreciate. This made it feel like her confidence was earned. The friendly rival newbie that recent gens had adopted always felt like their confidence was somewhat misplaced- after all, they lost every single battle with your character. This trait made more sense with the older aloof and antagonistic rivals, because overconfidence fit well with their characters.

Starfall Street was a very good twist on the recent rebel-type evil teams. Generally, these people would just be rebelling against society, which is fine but rather nebulous. However, Team Star’s rebellion against ignorant school authorities and the bullies they enabled was very personal to the characters and easy to understand and relate to. The character writing really shone through here. Normally evil teams amount to nothing more than faceless goons, and their admins always seem to dislike each other and constantly bicker- when they interact at all. However, the interactions between Team Star’s leaders really sold their friendship. The short flashbacks demonstrated them trusting and supporting one another, with occasional friendly bickering but nothing malicious. Writing their bonds to be convincing was very important to selling the central conflict of this path, and the writers did a good job.

Penny was my favorite character, and not just because she has a team of Eeveelutions (although it is a factor). Hacker characters have a special place in my heart, so Penny was sort of a shoe in. She also reminded me a lot of Futaba from Persona 5- extremely skilled, extremely socially awkward hacker. Her determination to make her school a better place, rather than simply leaving and allowing the bullies to win, is very admirable. The final scenes of this arc were very cute and I enjoyed the conclusion.

The Path of Legends was the best path storywise, and not just because I’m happy angsty boi got his best friend back T^T. This plot was very tightly tied to Arven’s character and to the postgame plot. Of course, any story about a boy going to such lengths to save his fluffy family member will always feel satisfying. This is the path that most people cried at, and, honestly, I can’t blame them.

Arven is probably the most important character plotwise because of his connections with the professor and the legendary Pokemon. Due to this, they made him a rather solidly written character. His motivations are very relatable and easy to understand, and his reactions to the plot developments feel real and believable. Him gradually opening up to you during the main story makes the postgame plot feel more personal.

The Way Home is probably the best postgame plot I can recall (although I hesitate to call it postgame, as it felt very much like a core part of the story and happened before the credits rolled, but it’s the closest thing we have to a postgame story so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). The slow reveal of the Paradox forms was well-handled, and the small interactions between the three rivals who join you helps fill the space and makes them feel even more like actual people. The mystery of the Professor’s fate was also well paced, at least if you’re like me and interact with everything in a room before leaving. The twist even managed to actually somewhat surprise me, a rare occurrence in Pokemon. I know the games tend to have darker elements hidden in the details, but I didn’t expect the Professor to be straight up dead. I really enjoyed the AI Professor’s character, although the interaction was more brief than I would have preferred (but I’m a sucker for cool AI stuff, so maybe that’s a me thing). Allowing the player to figure out on their own to send out Miraidon/Koraidon in the final confrontation was very nice- normally Pokemon games are very hand-holdy, so figuring out the solution on your own was refreshing.

My one complaint is that there still seems to be missing pieces. There was no third legendary, despite an “egg Pokemon” being specifically referenced in the old book about Area 0. The potential trio legendary (legendary dogs or swords of justice) that is referenced in the book also does not make an appearance. I get that they’re probably holding that content for a DLC, but since this kind of content was never locked behind a paywall before, I find it somewhat frustrating.

Overall, though, I felt the plot and characters were very solid and enjoyed the game despite its (many, many) glitches.

[tech-battery]

ACER ASPIRE 5 REVIEW: A $549 LAPTOP THAT DOESN’T COMPLETELY SUCK

The Acer Aspire 5 is a very functional laptop. I used it as my primary work driver for over a week, including the whirlwind that was Black Friday weekend. It loads the pages I need it to. It handles a heavy share of tabs and apps without burning itself up. It’s not seven pounds. Basically, it’s a $549 laptop that doesn’t completely suck.

There was a time when that would’ve made this the best budget laptop you can buy. But that time has come to an end, and the reason rhymes with “bay-MD.”

This Aspire 5 model has a four-core Intel Core i5-1035G1, the same budget- and midrange-oriented processor that powers Microsoft’s Surface Laptop Go. Performance-wise, it gets the job done — but its battery life is disastrous, and its integrated graphics are behind the times at this point. My advice: if you can get your hands on one, buy the AMD model with a six-core AMD Ryzen 5 4500U for the same price instead.

Starting with the design, which is the same across both models. I’d say the Aspire 5 looks fine — it’s no Dell XPS, but it’s still respectable from all angles. It comes in a few colors including silver and black. (I have the silver one, though I think the black looks a bit fancier myself.) Most of it is plastic, but the top cover (the part people are most likely to see) is aluminum. There’s some flex in the keyboard and the screen, but not so much that I worried about snapping the thing in half. It’s neither ultraportable nor overly clunky, weighing 3.7 pounds (1.8 kg) and measuring 14.3 x 9.9 x 0.7 inches. Students should note that while the Aspire isn’t terribly heavy, its breadth makes it a bit of a chore to fit in a standard-sized backpack alongside a load of books and binders.

A few other touches you might notice: Like the higher-priced Swift line, the Aspire 5 has a lustrous center hinge with “Aspire” printed across it, which is a nice bit of flair. The bezels, though, are quite large and very plastic-looking. The top one is particularly hefty.

All fair enough. At $549, I’ll take it. But it is worth noting that you don’t need to spend all that much more to get significantly higher build quality if you’re willing to compromise on screen size. The Acer Swift 3 (if you’ll take a 14-incher) is a nicer-looking, slimmer, and sturdier-feeling machine. Its Ryzen 5 4500U model is only $80 more expensive than this Aspire 5 on Acer’s website (and is even cheaper when it’s on sale).

ACER ASPIRE 5 SPECS (AS REVIEWED)

15.6-inch 16:9 display, 1920 x 1080

Intel Core i5-1035G1 (1.0 GHz with turbo boost up to 3.6 GHz)

8GB DDR4 memory

256GB PCIe NVMe SSD, one available hard disk drive bay

3.97 lbs (1.8 kg)

Ports: one USB 3.1 Type-C Gen 1, two USB 3.1 Gen 1 (one with power-off charging), one USB 2.0, one HDMI 2.0, one audio jack, one Ethernet (RJ-45), one DC-in jack

Windows Hello fingerprint reader

$549.99

“Pure silver” color option

The strength of such a large chassis, though, is that there’s room for a useful port selection. In total, we have one USB 3.1 Type-C Gen 1, two USB 3.1 Gen 1, one USB 2.0, one HDMI 2.0, and one Ethernet, as well as a power port. That’s comprehensive, though you’ll need to look elsewhere if you’re seeking Thunderbolt support, a typical omission in this price range.

The display is a bit of a dud on paper. I measured it as covering just 66 percent of the sRGB gamut and 50 percent of AdobeRGB. It also maxes out at 220 nits of brightness. Those are both mediocre as laptop screens go, though they’re not terrible for the category; color-wise, the Aspire actually scored slightly better than the IPS panel on the Swift 3, as well as the Asus VivoBook 15.

The viewing experience wasn’t as bad as those metrics might indicate. The matte panel did a good job of reducing glare; even around 90 percent brightness, I could use the machine outdoors without a hassle. And while Netflix and YouTube looked drab next to more expensive screens, media consumption is still very doable. (Especially because the audio is quite good. It has a nice surround quality and can easily fill a room — I’d put it on par with a decent external speaker. I could actually hear the bass and percussion in my music.)

The Aspire has a nice keyboard. It’s backlit and quiet with decent travel. (It’s mushier than it is clicky, if you have strong feelings about that.) There’s a numpad on the right side, which is a nice feature, but it does push the touchpad to the left. This was irksome for me as someone with small hands. The area that was natural for me to touch with my right hand was the right-click area. I had to intentionally stretch over to left-click, and I never really got used to it — even after a week and a half, I was still accidentally right-clicking all the time. There’s also an embedded fingerprint reader in the top-left corner of the touchpad, but its location wasn’t super convenient for me as a righty and I never ended up using it much.

AGREE TO CONTINUE: ACER ASPIRE 5 (2020)

Every smart device now requires you to agree to a series of terms and conditions before you can use it — contracts that no one actually reads. It’s impossible for us to read and analyze every single one of these agreements. But we started counting exactly how many times you have to hit “agree” to use devices when we review them since these are agreements most people don’t read and definitely can’t negotiate.

The Acer Aspire 5 presents you with multiple things to agree to or decline upon setup.

The mandatory policies, for which an agreement is required, are:

A request for your region and keyboard layout

Windows 10 License Agreement and Acer License Agreement

A Microsoft account for sign-in (this can be bypassed if you don’t connect the computer to the internet during setup)

A PIN

In addition, there is a slew of optional things to agree to:

Connect to Wi-Fi

Windows Hello fingerprint sensor authentication

Device privacy settings: online speech recognition, Find My Device, Inking and Typing, Advertising ID, location, diagnostic data, tailored experiences

Link an Android phone

OneDrive backup

Office 365

Let Microsoft collect information (including location, location history, contacts, voice input, speech and handwriting patterns, typing history, search history, calendar details, messages, apps, and Edge browsing history) to help Cortana provide personalized experiences and suggestions

Register for an Acer account

Enroll in Acer’s mailing list and the Acer User Experience Improvement Program (allowing Acer to collect information on your usage), and allow Acer to share contact details with Norton so it can send you updates about its pre-installed security software.

In total, that’s six mandatory agreements and 17 optional ones.

Of course, performance is what really makes or breaks a budget laptop. The base Aspire 5 configuration, listed at $399.99 on Acer’s website, can come with a Core i3-1005G1 or an AMD Ryzen 3 4300U (both with 4GB of RAM and a 128GB SSD). There are a number of models at different price points, including some with touchscreens. The system we’re looking at is listed at $549.99 on Amazon and has Intel’s four-core Core i5-1035G1, 8GB of RAM, and 256GB of SSD storage. A system with the same specs and a six-core Ryzen 5 4500U is currently listed on Acer’s website for the same price (though it’s hard to find and looks to be sold out on Amazon as of this writing).

It’s important to caveat here that I haven’t tried the AMD system yet — but the six-core 4500U is an impressive chip. In the $799 HP Envy x360 13 (which also has 8GB of RAM), it easily delivered the fantastic performance I’d expect from a Core i7, and it could even run Overwatch on its High settings at over 60fps. Make no mistake: the Intel Aspire 5 didn’t give me any problems during my various office work, social media, emailing, and the like. But performance wasn’t quite as zippy as it was on the AMD Envy. And I got the sense that the thing was chugging — I could almost always hear the fans spinning, even when I was just running a few Chrome tabs. I wouldn’t have wanted to try anything more intense (and unlike Intel’s new Iris Plus graphics, its UHD graphics aren’t a good choice for anything but the lightest gaming).

That’s before we even talk about the battery life. This Aspire 5 averaged four hours and 49 minutes of my daily workload (12-15 Chrome tabs, Slack, Spotify streaming, and occasional Zoom calls on the Battery Saver profile at 200 nits of brightness). That’s not good, and it’s especially not enough for students who are out and about all day. AMD processors, by contrast, have been killing it on battery: the 4500U-powered Envy could churn out eight hours of my typical workload while the Swift 3 with a Ryzen 7 4700U got up to seven hours, and the 4800U-powered IdeaPad Slim 7 achieved a monstrous 13 and a half hours.

Final note: there’s some bloatware. I got some annoying Norton pop-ups and occasional notifications from various other programs that came loaded onto the Aspire. These aren’t the end of the world at this price point, but note that you may have to take some time to uninstall if the alerts are bothering you.

So, look, the Aspire 5 gets the job done. It works. It does what you need it to (at least until the battery runs out). There are even a couple areas where it’s punching above its weight class — the audio is great, and it’s nice to have a fingerprint reader.

But if you can get all those benefits plus a six-core AMD processor for the same (or a comparable) price, I see no reason not to go that route instead if you’re wed to the 15-inch system. AMD systems are hard to find, but I recommend digging around or waiting until one becomes available. And if you’re willing to spend a bit more for the Ryzen-powered Swift 3, you’ll see a noticeable difference in build quality and portability as well as multiple extra hours of battery life. For students and on-the-go workers, I think that’s more than worth the cost.

[aion-rsa]

Fargo Season 4 Episode 3 Review: Raddopiarlo

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This Fargo review contains spoilers.

Fargo Season 4 Episode 3

If Fargo’s two-episode premiere felt something like a change of pace for the series — a new setting, traditional gang conflict backdrop, and a somewhat more serious tone — “Raddopiarlo” feels like a classic Fargo installment. Between the introduction of smooth-talking U.S. Marshall Dick “Deafy” Wickware, the abundance of showy monologues, and a hilariously botched heist, this jam-packed episode managed to turn up the heat in the budding war between the Faddas and the Cannons while throwing in some interesting wrinkles. Not everything is working quite as it should, but the show is still plenty entertaining.

I’m never going to say no to Timothy Olyphant as a cocky, brash lawman, and he certainly doesn’t disappoint in his first appearance this season as Deafy. Deafy is quick to establish his Mormon faith and his get-shit-done attitude. As a Mormon, Deafy is another “Other” in this American tale, as it was technically illegal to be a Mormon in the state of Missouri after the 1838 Mormon War. A state executive order said you could kill Mormons in the state of Missouri until 1976, but chomping on carrots with a cool confidence, Deafy doesn’t seem too afraid. Like others in the story, he then goes on to make disparaging remarks about the Italians and others, not realizing that they’re all in the same boat.

Read more

TV

Fargo Season 4 Episode 2 Review: The Land of Taking and Killing

By Nick Harley

TV

Fargo Season 4: A History of Kansas City Gangsters

By Tony Sokol

Deafy is in town to look for Zelmare and Swanee after their escape from prison, as inmates reported Zelmare talking about her sister and the trouble she was in prior to her escape. He’s assigned to work with Odis, who is annoyed he can’t stay on the socialite murder case and protect the Faddas, but when the pair make a surprise visit to the Smutny home, they aren’t able to locate the hiding fugitives. Deafy’s presence is sure to shake things up, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds himself in the middle of the Fadda-Cannon conflict at some point.

Speaking of that conflict, the family consiglieres Doctor Senator and Ebal Violante meet up at a diner to discuss the disagreement over the slaughterhouses. Despite some more clunky, repetitive dialogue about what it means to be American, this is great scene due to Glynn Turman’s measured yet powerful performance. Ebal knows that Donatello didn’t grant permission for the Cannon’s to take the slaughterhouse, and Doctor Senator knows that he knows, yet both men understand the realities of the situation and realize that they’re helpless to fight over the same opportunities they can afford to grab.

Meanwhile, Gaetano creates unnecessary chaos in the Fadda family home. After quickly placing a scare on Rabbi and Satchel as Rabbi explains his history to the Cannon boy, Gaetano runs into his brother and criticizes his strength and ability to lead the family. Gaetano is close to being over the top with his menacing, borderline psychotic behavior, but it’s so much fun to watch. Not content to allow the Cannons to get a leg up on his family, Gaetano makes a plan to take out Loy’s son Lemuel, against Justo’s wishes for no killing. After witnessing Rabbi earlier in the episode, he insists Constant take Rabbi with him on the job to prove his loyalty to the family.

In the episode’s tensest section, Rabbi realizes while in route to the hit what he’s being asked to do and immediately questions whether it was Justo’s orders. Urged by his morals and his understanding that he should not be acting against the actual boss’ wishes, he purposely botches the hit and tells Constant that he plans on letting Justo know that he’s taking orders from Gaetano. It’s gripping television and Ben Wishaw continues to make Rabbi the season’s most compelling POV character.

Speaking of hits gone poorly, Zelmare and Swanee decide to try to rob the Cannon safehouse, thinking that it will aid Dibrell with her debt. Unfortunately for the outlaws, Swanee digs into the pie left by Oraetta right before they leave on their mission. Like clockwork, the two women bust into the Cannon safehouse and Swanee immediately starts getting sick. Swanee’s vomiting and Zelmare’s lack of focus causes some of the Cannon men to try to fight back, which causes bullets to fly and Zelmare and Swanee to escape with less than anticipated. This season felt the most like Fargo’s past, as it’s clear this unrelated heist will be blamed on the Faddas and have massive implications in their escalating feud. My only critique is that this section could have had more chaos and carnage.

Finally, in what feels like a completely unrelated show, Ornetta lands a job at Dr. Harvard’s hospital, schmoozing and sweet talking the vain man with ease. Outside the hospital, Justo is doing his regular stakeout, just waiting to take his chance to off Dr. Harvard, and Ornetta spots him again assuming that he’s interested in her. The two share some more drugs and a very odd moment of intimacy. It’s clear Ornetta has eyes for Justo, and Justo seems pretty drawn in by Ornetta’s unique energy. I like Ornetta’s brand of evil, I’m just not quite sure how it fits with the series moving forward, especially when it seems that more relevant characters like Ethelrida, Satchel, Zero, and others are getting short shrift.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

While not flawless, this episode was absolutely stuffed with compelling action, even if we can do with a little less speechifying. While I enjoyed Chris Rock in the premiere, I feel like he’s pulling his natural charisma back a little too far in this episode. Jason Schwartzman appears to have the opposite problem, being just a tad too anachronistic to the point of seeming miscast. However, I’m still onboard with the latest season of Fargo and I’m curious to see how the Cannon’s respond to the threats, real or perceived, as well as how Justo will deal with the power grab that’s being attempted by his brother.

The post Fargo Season 4 Episode 3 Review: Raddopiarlo appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[creobroter]

We got a Tineco iFloor 3! It’s not perfect, it’s pretty clunky and heavy and it can’t get into corners all that well... But if you know what you’re getting yourself into and are fine with those shortcomings? Game changer. Fiance and I are both disabled and executive dysfunction is a common issue... Cleaning was especially bad because I didn’t mind vacuuming but hated the mopping part and he was the other way around. So it basically required getting both our executive functions in line at the same time to get it done and.. you can probably imagine how that went x: It basically blocked a whole day and even then there was no guarantee that we would finish it. Now, I can just use the hybrid vacuum thingy and get all our floors decently clean within 30 minutes (the battery wouldn’t last longer anyway). In just one step! Even the bathroom! No annoying cords! Easy and quick clean-up afterwards! It’s such a significant change for me and my living space! I can just do things instead of being frustrated with the lack of cleanliness and my lack of spoons to change it. But again... It’s a heavy beast and it got quite some pull to it... I often feel like I’m getting dragged around the apartment by a tenacious, small to medium sized dog... Actually acquired a few sore muscles from using it despite being fairly athletic. And if you need a more thorough cleaning, it might not be enough. The “head” of the vacuum is pretty large and it has a few centimeters to each side where it won’t clean. No big issue for us, it’s just an aesthetic issue (and having a few dust bunnies in the corner is indefinitely better than having the whole floor covered because you can’t get your brain to start cleaning) and a reminder to keep occasional regular mopping up but... People and places that need their home clean-clean might not benefit as much from it.

I'm likely to be moving in the next several months, and I'm trying to remember what kind of vacuum it was that you really liked. Do you happen to have a link?

It was a Tineco! You'll find all their buy links on their website.

Good luck with the move!

[commodoreg]

In response to edits:

Oh wow, I wasn't expecting this much feedback from Mel. :O Well, Miss Editor, just know that I roughly stopped at the 15 min mark and didn't have a huge amount of time to edit, but you seemed to catch a couple things I wasn't thinking about, so I guess it doesn't matter. I'm all for critique and learning from my mistakes, so thank you for doing this. :) I don't usually write in this format often as I'm mostly just writing in a script structure for the game, so expect a lot of flaws. Buuuuuut, let me just address a few of the issues you brought up in the comments. (Posting this in blog form cuz screw posting this as comments.)

1) *Gets out her editor’s pen* First and foremost - “That is because that’s only half the story” is a super clunky sentence.

Yeah, you're right about this. I saw just from a cursory glance this sentence was a bit weird, but I didn't really have the time to fix it.

1.5) Also, calling the boy “the youth” and “the boy” in the same sentence is bad. A simple “he” works, as the subject of the sentence hasn’t changed. Really, the solution is putting a period after “understand the difficult text” and starting a new sentence.

Right. I added "youth" and other words to address the subject because I realized when rereading that I only called him "the boy", and I did far too much. It's a bit tough to balance when to say "he" and "the boy" so that it doesn't become repetitive. Because by this time, we don't know much about the boy.

2)  “The father recommended that he skip* over any part”… “The child of barely ten years” is clunky and forced within that sentence, making it too wordy. Just saying “the ten-year-old” would work fine.

You're probably right. I think I was going for a more elegant way of saying "he's ten years old". I could've said a boy of just ten winters or something, too.

3)  "eager to prove themselves older than they’re labeled” is just pointless fluff. Could get rid of all of it or at least the “older than they’re labeled”.

That could've been shortened down, sure, but I still sorta like that line. You can have some fluff in your writing! It just needs to be kept under control, I suppose.

3.5)  Hehe “labyrinthine”. Cute word, but comes off a bit try-hardish within this narrative, like ‘I need a big, intimidating word to really convey the complexity of this tome!“

I'll have you know that I'm the biggest try hard around. But no, I believe the word works because of the boy's imagination and the way I ended it after. I could probably work a little harder to make the analogy work, but I don't hate it. Also no, I didn't go searching for a big word like labyrinthine to make me feel better about myself. It just popped in my head and I went with it. :P

4)  “Of course, books are made exclusively from words and sentences, but they became something much more when you could imagine the scenes, scents, characters, and world—when you could relate to the story or expository written. ” You’re talking to the reader. It’s a style some authors love, but it feels a bit out of place here, much like the “that’s just half of the story” sentence.

I actually really liked writing that bit, so maybe it's my styyyyyle. Only change I'd make to that part is writing more coming from the boy's own personal thoughts than the narrator's voice.

5)  New paragraph at “If the boy had to describe” as the previous was about reading the book and now he’s digesting the experience. Two different subjects. Goddamn why does this reply cover up the paragraph, I hafta keep posting and rereading stuff and making new replies.

Hmm, okay. I do split up my paragraphs, but I usually do it by intution rather than a guideline. Actually, that describes a lot of my writing in general. And yes, the comment function on tumblr is bad. tumblr is bad.

6) Why’d you explain why he’s confused but not why he’s annoyed? Either go all in or not at all!

Two reasons. One, you already should know why he's annoyed. It's explained in the second paragraph that the boy was out to prove his father wrong, but he ended up exactly as his father had said. Second, the story cuts off there because my time was up. The next part would've explained why again by mentioning his father—hopefully bringing the reader up to speed.

[rantsaboutponies]

Season 7 Retrospective

Well, we’re between highly anticipated movie releases this weekend (for me, anyway), so it’s time for our annual look back over the season!

Good lord, the beginning of Season 7 seemed like so long ago. I could have sworn the Flurry Heart episode was last season. Maybe this has just been a really long year. Well...okay, yeah, I can certainly see why it would feel that way, given the year this has been.

With a rating of 4-9-13 (W-L-T), this season must have been better than the last one, even if it didn’t feel like it. Season 8 is forthcoming, so how long before Hasbro gives up and reboots the series again? Only time will tell.

So, here we are. From best to worst:

#1. “Secrets and Pies”: This episode was...good? Like, really, really good? Why? I don’t get it! I wouldn't be so confused if you guys did this more often! I swear, the next time this happens, I'm going to get whiplash!

#2. “Rock Solid Friendship”: To complement the really good Pinkie Pie episode, here’s an episode that was really good in every way except Pinkie Pie! They’re at exact opposite ends of the season, too. Maybe it’s an equivalent exchange thing.

#3. “Triple Threat”: I thought this episode did a pretty good job of avoiding the “why don’t you just tell them?” problem that virtually every episode of every sitcom runs into. We’ve already established that Thorax is a whiny little milquetoast weenie and that Ember is a heinous prick who doesn’t listen to anybody but herself. Hell, that was the entire reason for the conflict in the first place! Honestly, why would Spike try to reason with either of them?

#4. “To Change a Changeling”: If the monster hadn’t turned out to be a giant mole, the ending battle might have seemed a little more life-threatening. That, Starlight’s very, very stupid plan, and Pharynx’s abusive ass made this episode a little worse than it should have been. Apart from that, though, I liked it!

And now here’s the hardest part of the list: trying to figure out which “tie” episodes were slightly better or worse than all the others.

#5. “Once Upon a Zeppelin”: Yeah, Twilight’s parents were annoying (and idiots), but not to the point that I’m going to dread them ever showing up in any future episodes (unlikely as that is at this point). Plus, bringing back Iron Will actually seemed to have a point, and it helped that he didn’t have to “unlearn” his lesson from his first appearance just to make the current episode make sense.

#6. “Uncommon Bond”: This episode went out of its way to prove that yes, Starlight and Sunburst really do have only one thing in common. I would have expected the resolution to be the realization that the two of them liked more things than just that board game, but nope! Giant version! That’s it!

#7. “Daring Done?”: I was so distracted this episode that I forgot to mention that Pinkie Pie was actually acting like Pinkie Pie and not an annoying little shitbag! It was refreshing! But anyway, you’d think Daring-Do would have written enough books by this point to realize the obvious tropes this episode followed. The real challenge for her is going to be stretching this adventure out to novel-length.

#8. “Discordant Harmony”: I’m still not sure what made Discord think he needed to change a bunch of shit about his house to make Fluttershy happy. It looked the same way he made her house look every time he visited her. What did he think she was expecting?

#9. “A Health of Information”: This is the second episode in a row on this list where Fluttershy acted kind of like a doofus throughout the episode for no discernible reason. It also proved that unicorns are the solution to everything. Need to grab some moss from a swamp without falling in? Unicorn! Need to collect honey from the flash bees without going anywhere near them? Unicorn! Need to destroy an entire planet without breaking a sweat? Unicron!

#10 & #11. “Shadow Play (Parts 1 and 2)”: The first half fools you into thinking this isn’t just going to be a run-of-the-mill finale episode by promising you a halfway interesting quest before immediately giving you all the artifacts within a few minutes. Ha! Gotcha!

#12. “Hard to Say Anything”: I’d kind of hoped we were past the whole “two men competing for the trophy that is the personality-deprived female character” cliché, especially in a show designed for children, but I guess not. I mean, at least Big Mac and Feather do realize that’s what they’re doing by the end, but that doesn’t fix Sugar Belle’s “sexy lamp” issue.

#13. “A Royal Problem”: Has Twilight been of help to any friendship-related issues since she stopped being the main character? I think these episodes must be based on Twilight's memoirs, i.e. this isn't how things actually happened; this is how she remembers them happening. Here's what really happened during "Magical Mystery Cure":

Twilight Sparkle: So...I accidentally totally and completely fucked up my friends’ lives, but then I fixed it! That means I'm good at having friends, right?

Princess Celestia (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, you're a regular princess of friendship.

Twilight Sparkle: *gasp* Really?!

Princess Celestia: Oh, no, I didn't mean– Ah, crap, the music's already started. ♫ You've come such a long, long way... ♫

Princess Celestia (mentally): I've really got to stop using the word “princess” as an insult. This is the third one this week. I'm running out of castles! She'll just have to stay in the library until I can find another one.

#14. “All Bottled Up”: This episode is a perfect example of why the writers typically just don’t include characters in an episode if they have nothing to do in said episode. That escape room nonsense was just stupid. The six of you might be best friends, but you have never gotten along that well!

#15. “Celestial Advice”: Ugh, this one. “As a teacher, I have to send my student away. I don’t know exactly why I have to do that, but I’m sure I’ll figure the reason out later. Oh, wait, you don’t want to leave? Well, that changes everything! You can stay!” I think they were making this one up as they went along.

#16. “The Perfect Pear”: One of the emptiest “love” stories I’ve ever seen. This was an “attraction story”, if you can even call it that. This is another case where I’m positive that at least a hundred better fanfics had been written about this exact story before the episode was released. I get why people have headcanons about things now. Why wouldn’t you have a fanon when the canon is so...weak?

#17. “Honest Apple”: Once again, we have a brand-new writer for this episode. Kevin Lappin was very likely just given a slip of paper with “APPLEJACK = HONEST” written on it, which constituted the entire material he had to work with. That might explain why Applejack was such an unlikable prick for the entire episode.

Whoo... All right. Here we go.

#18. “A Flurry of Emotions”: If you don’t want to watch your kid (because, seriously, you’ve got better things to do), just show up at one of your relatives’ houses one day and dump it on them. They’ll have such a guilt trip that they’ll be glad to accept! But make sure it’s someone who’s completely unqualified for the job and has a mountain of other responsibilities first. That’s the best way!

#19. “Campfire Tales”: The fact that this episode was actually just a clunky setup for the finale might explain why all three stories sucked so hard. It’s this season’s The Mummy!

#20. “Not Asking for Trouble”: Now we’re going to get into the part of the list where I have to figure out which episodes are worse by balancing how much the episode irritated me in general with how toxic the moral is. Trust me, if your children’s show has a moral of “Do what you want to do for other people, regardless of what those people have explicitly told you not to do, because you’ll end up being right in the end. After all, people don’t know what they want!”, you’ve fucked up something awful.

#21. “Fluttershy Leans In”: I said in this review that this felt like the MLP version of The Fountainhead, but I only just recently realized that I also said the same thing about Season 5's "Canterlot Boutique". Given that the episodes were written by different people, this must be a storyline that creative types really like (even if it’s nothing more than a power fantasy).

#22. “It Isn’t the Mane Thing About You”: All right, you actually had a good idea with this one. Despite being the Element of Generosity, one of Rarity's main problems has always been her vanity. That means you pulled off the rare feat of making the moral both 1. something the character hasn't already learned in a previous episode and 2. something that a normal functioning member of society might not automatically possess. (There has been a distressing number of lessons in the past five seasons or so that don't fit one or both of these qualifications.) It's just a shame you crashed and burned so spectacularly by 1. turning the moral from “don't be vain” to “have confidence” (something Rarity has never struggled with AND which you have already had as the moral in MULTIPLE previous episodes) and 2. went about it in the most nonsensical way possible!

#23. “Parental Glideance”: This one was a little sickening. The “my parents are so embarrassing!” trope is bad enough, but you’re an adult, Rainbow Dash! Grow up! If the things your parents are doing embarrass you (or if they’re legitimately dangerous, like SHOOTING FIREWORKS OFF AT AN AIRSHOW), talk to them! You can do that without snapping and acting like a dick!

#24. “Forever Filly”: Holy crap, I have never wanted to punch a fictional cartoon character in the face as badly as I did in this episode. I don’t know what made Sweetie Belle act like such a little shit or why Rarity is so out of touch with her (seeing as Sweetie Belle would have had to have been about four to be into the stuff she was trying to do), but I hated this. Shove your black box experimental theater up your ass.

#25. “Marks and Recreation”: I got the sense from the beginning of the series that cutie marks were originally supposed to be something really deep and meaningful. I mean, they’re your passion. They represent that thing that you love so much and are so good at that you can spend the rest of your life doing it and wearing a permanent symbol of it on your body. Well, not anymore! Now it’s just some obligatory shit that you get because you have to and that doesn’t have any real meaning at all! Fuck you! Just...fuck you!

#26. “Fame and Misfortune”: Yeah, no surprise there. Holy shit, this was a painful experience. Like “Stranger Than Fan Fiction”, this was just embarrassing to watch. To quote somebody else, “...you don't get back at critics by attacking them, you do it by ignoring them and continuing to be awesome.” Hell, this episode's moral is contradicted by its own existence. “You shouldn't be affected by criticism of your work. That’s why I wrote this episode where all my critics are painted as raving lunatics and I am totally the victim!” The fact that this is the SECOND such episode is just pathetic. This one actually manages to be worse, though, because, unlike the earlier episode when it was just Quibble Pants being a dick, this one paints the ENTIRE fandom as either complaining whiners who hate everything or creepy stalkers who follow everywhere you go. Nothing says “we want you to keep watching” like insulting the few fans you have left right to their face!

Remember, next week is the review of the remaining six Equestria Girls: Summertime Shorts. Be there!

[rebelsofshield]

Ranking a Saga

It’s that time again everyone! Two more Star Wars films have been released since I last posted this ranking in 2017, and one more, sure to be controversial, addition is on the way in just a few hours!

Part of my joy for this saga is seeing my opinions and tastes for it change over time. I find new strengths in works I didn’t originally love and see flaws in my old favorites. This time, I’ve gone ahead and ranked all existing saga films, Solo, Rogue One, and The Clone Wars animated movie from my least favorite to my cream of the crop.

Feel free to reply with your own rankings and favorites! I love sharing opinions on this site and every fan has different wants and needs for this franchise. I know my take on Rogue One has always been a minority, but I love that some find real value in it.

11. Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

Watching the theatrical pilot for Star Wars: The Clone Wars is like watching a talented high school quarterback be assigned to play for a major NFL team. It’s taking something that in its own small, minor scale would be perfectly acceptable and potentially even good, and forcing it into a realm where it has no business belonging. This is the unfortunate task faced with director and eventual showrunner Dave Filoni and his crew. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a movie that should not be a movie, in fact it barely functions as one to begin with.

I do not hide my love for the still flawed but at the same time charming, engaging, and compelling animated series that this film would spawn. It’s for this reason that the failings of The Clone Wars feel all the more painful.

Hastily edited together out of the initial five episodes for the series, quite simply everything about The Clone Wars is a mess for a film. Despite the best efforts of Director Dave Filoni, The Clone Wars cannot escape its slipshod construction. It moves along in hurts and jolts and switches focus too quickly to attain much of any narrative momentum.

It also hurts that the animation itself, while perfectly serviceable for a CG animated series for the late 2000’s, is stiff, clunky, and oddly flat. Environments are sterile and lacking in texture. Characters move in jerky motions and lack facial expressions. In a year that would bring us kinetic and gorgeously detailed CG animation from films like Wall-e and Kung Fu Panda, watching The Clone Wars is an ugly and even depressing affair.

The only passing grace for this film are the creative and at times epic in scope battle sequences, but when the film itself is this lacking in cohesion and heart it is hard to raise anything more than half-interest.

It’s unfortunate that this film would be the world’s first introduction to such beloved characters as Ahsoka Tano, Captain Rex, or George Lucas’s take on Asajj Ventress. It’s the definition of a bad first impression and it only grows more ugly and messy with each passing year.

Score: D

10. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

By far the weakest of the so far released Saga films, Attack of the Clones acts as a call to action for all those who have issues with the prequel trilogy. While it has dropped the bizarre racial stereotyping of its predecessor, George Lucas’s second installment in the series’ second trilogy is filled with strange decision making and a convoluted plot structure.

Trying to understand the narrative of Attack of the Clones is often very difficult. While it is relatively easy to tune out and simply enjoy the spectacle of it all, the attempts to meld space opera with noir and political intrigue prove unfortunately more convoluted and stale than intriguing. In particular, the circumstances surrounding the creation and implementation of the clone army stretch credibility.

While The Phantom Menace made extensive and competent use of combining miniatures and digital effects, Attack of the Clones falls back on computer generated images to detrimental results. While it serves the sweeping battle sequences and wide arrange of alien creatures well, the pervasiveness of digital additions to the film’s world becomes distracting when it oversteps its bounds. In particular, the decision to make the armor for each of Temuera Morrison’s clonetroopers digitally rendered is an unnecessary decision and it gives a slightly uncanny feel to the clone army itself. Even worse are the completely digital environments which feel detached and weightless in their interactions with movie’s cast. It quite simply stands as the ugliest looking Star Wars film and that doesn’t seem slated to changed any time soon.

Ultimately though, the biggest failing of Attack of the Clones is Anakin himself. While Jake Lloyd may have struggled in The Phantom Menace he at least succeeded in turning Anakin into something of a likable character. While Hayden Christensen is a talented actor and he certainly improves by the time Revenge of the Sith arrives, it is hard to relate or even sympathize to the manner the character is presented in Attack of the Clones. He oscillates between arrogant, angry, and uncomfortable without giving us much to fall back upon. If we are meant to feel for his temptation and fall from the Light, then there needs to have been somethings there worth saving in the first place. By the time Attack of the Clones closes, we don’t have much of that.

The same can be said for the much maligned romance at the film’s center. While the concept is compelling in and of itself, Lucas’s writing and staging of the scenes can’t help but feel forced and impersonal. Both Natalie Portman, who was one of the previous film’s highlights, and Christensen struggle in finding a chemistry in the material that feels natural and the end result is something that at times approaches unwatchably uncomfortable in its presentation.

That being said, once the film’s political powder keg explodes, Attack of the Clones evolves into something intense and actually quite fun. Both the unique arena sequence and the Battle of Geonosis are visually stunning and entertaining action set pieces that are bolstered by a swashbuckling and charming performance by Ewan McGregor. While it does close out in the most disappointing lightsaber duel of the saga, it still ends on a relative high note given the meandering and detached mess that preceded it.

Score: C-

9. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

While still one of the weaker films in the saga, The Phantom Menace receives significantly more ire than perhaps it deserves. Much of this is likely due to the initial hype and disappointment that it brought with it during its release in 1999. Some of this is understandable considering that it does mark a significant step down in terms of quality from 1983’s Return of the Jedi and an even further one from the first two films. However, when viewed in context of both Attack of the Clones and The Clone Wars animated film there is something about The Phantom Menace that feels inherently more watchable and even entertaining.

Much of this is that despite the fact that the film’s structure is strange and lacking in cohesion, it does move along at a pretty steady speed and provides us with a wide variety of locations and faces. There is also something about the aesthetic of the whole thing that feels significantly more in line with the original Star Wars than both the other prequel films would provide. It helps that Lucas’s action direction, even if it does tend to the over complicated and unnatural, is visually arresting and engaging. Both the extended podracing sequence and the stellar lightsaber duel between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul are representative of the sort of fast moving fun that make the Star Wars films what they are.

Unfortunately, this is about where the praise for The Phantom Menace ends. I have already spoken at length about the rampant presence of racial stereotyping in the film and one does not have to spend much time discussing the flaws behind Jar Jar Binks or Jake Lloyd’s performance of a young Anakin Skywalker. The fact of the matter is, much of the negative aspects of the film have been so ingrained into popular culture that even discussing them at length would feel almost unnecessary. Jar Jar is annoying. The acting is stale. Etc.

However, perhaps the biggest detriment to The Phantom Menace as a whole is the lack of a direction when it comes to its characters. Of the cast on display only Liam Neeson and Natalie Portman are given characters with much of anything to do and while they may lack depth or charisma, their portrayals are competent and engaging enough to avoid boredom or disinterest. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the rest of the cast. Although there is nothing inherently poor about his presence in the movie, Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan Kenobi is given next to nothing to do in the film and in the process his sudden importance at its conclusion feels half-baked and insincere.

Ultimately, The Phantom Menace is a disappointment, but it remains a watchable and at times entertaining movie, especially in contrast to the worst of the saga.

Score: C+

8. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

The second of the so-far released Star Wars films released by Lucasfilm since Disney’s heralding of the franchise is also the weakest. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story represents the first live action, theatrically released film in the Galaxy Far, Far Away that centers itself outside of the main Skywalker saga. It styles itself as both a prequel and spin-off and strikes out to capture some of the genre-bending style that has been Marvel Studios’s secret success. Telling the story of the theft of the Death Star plans, director Gareth Edwards styles Rogue One as a science fiction war epic filled with intense battle sequences and clever camera work.

When Rogue One is at war, the film is a success. Edwards’s strong visual eye, especially when detailing scope and scale, is the movie’s true secret weapon. Rogue One is a gorgeous film to look at and more so than The Force Awakens finds a way to inhabit the aesthetic of the Original Trilogy while also updating it for a contemporary audience. The blending of practical and digital effects is close to seamless (outside of the infamous digital recreations of Peter Cushing and Carrie Fisher). As an extension, the battle sequences whether they be urban shootouts in the ancient city of Jedha, storming the beaches of Scarif, or capital ships crashing into one another in high atmosphere, are stunning to behold and perfectly capture the chaos but also emotion of galactic warfare.

Similarly, when Rogue One functions as an allegory for the battles of oppressed people against fascist or totalitarian governments it is effectively stirring and even emotional. Sacrifice for freedom is a key theme of the franchise and Edwards and screenwriters Chris Weitz, Tony Gilroy, John Knoll, and Gary Whitta are keenly aware of this.

It is unfortunate then that so much of Rogue One is so starkly impersonal and flat. Throughout the film’s runtime there is an undeniable texture of ideas and concept that are intriguing. There are different political factions, sub-cultures that have clear beliefs and unique meanings to the franchise, and characters that are well drawn and conceptualized. These ideas just often feel untouchable or nebulously realized.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the film’s central cast of characters. While the ensemble of talented actors do their strongest to bring these rebels to life, many struggle to stretch beyond their initial drawings or conceptualizations. Few outside of the film’s lead, Jyn Erso, possess much of a clear character arc or personal stake in the proceedings, but even those that do experience some form of personal realization do so in a stop gap manner that is hard to follow. At its most basic, Rogue One’s characters lack agency; their wants and desires feel removed from the central thrust of the plot and instead feel like game pieces moved about for a larger force. While this may have been done as a way to ape grunt work in military campaigns, there is still a storied history of war films that explore the personal and human side of battle, especially when the war concerns struggles of freedom against totalitarianism. Diego Luna’s Cassian Andor may hint at a lifelong history of war and trauma, but we don’t see how this shapes him as a human or why he comes to realize that this has harmed him in the third act. It says something that the most iconic scene in the film concerns a cameo from a villain from a more successful movie. As a result, Rogue One functions as a series of beautifully executed set pieces and ideas, but is told through an emotional distance and relative lack of humanity.

Score: B-

7. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

While it is not flawless, it is refreshing to see the franchise reorient itself so strongly during the closing act of the prequel trilogy. Revenge of the Sith is a film that blends mythos and character and at its best does both rather well.

At its worst, Revenge of the Sith recommits the sins of its predecessors. Hayden Christensen, while as a whole is significantly better than his previous take on the character, still has his moments of woodenness and has a proclivity for overly heightened melodrama. Lucas’s script also continues to struggle in providing dialogue, particularly in romantic scenes, that feels human often resulting in stilted and even sometimes nonsensical phrasings. Overall, there is something also strangely off about the tone in Revenge of the Sith which changes from relatively fun and light hearted space adventure to dark and brooding tragedy often times rather close to each other.

Similarly, there is a staleness to how much of the dialogue in the film is directed with characters frequently aimlessly wandering around rooms without clear purpose or urgency. As the stakes of the film rise this sort of detached storytelling becomes more and more distracting, but it is likely not enough to overpower what does work.

Anakin’s eventual fall from grace and the rise of the Galactic Empire carry with them a great sense of dramatic and mythological weight, even if the transition from conflicted Jedi Knight into child murderer does feel a tad rushed. The fact of the matter is, Revenge of the Sith knows how to play into its subject matter. Its story is appropriately weighty and once Grievous falls and Sidious makes his masterstroke the film evolves into some of the most consistently entertaining and weighty material in the saga, easily surpassing its predecessors in the prequels.

While it has come under fire recently for its apparent decision to select spectacle over emotion, the final confrontation between Anakin and Obi-Wan still remains some of the most intense and emotional stuff the series has seen. Its dancelike and kinetic fight choreography coupled with John Williams’s haunting score commands attention and leaves dozens of striking images in the viewer’s brain.

However, it is ultimately Ian McDiarmid performance as Palpatine/Darth Sidious that really makes Revenge of the Sith special. McDiarmid knows how to sell the myth and lore of Star Wars with nuance and restraint while at the same time is not afraid to embrace the hammy and ridiculous side of his character as well. Whenever he is on screen, he owns every second of it and he makes the film equal parts entertaining and haunting.

Score: B

6. Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

The very concept of Solo was a hard sell.  As beloved as a character Han Solo is, few were clamoring to see a movie exploring the smuggler’s early days and the concept of any actor inhabiting the role of that helped make Harrison Ford a household name was enough to make fans call blasphemy. Given these concerns and the fact that directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller were fired mid production and replaced by Ron Howard , it is a wonder that Solo works at all. This is not to say that there aren’t bumpy sequences or clear moments of clashing creative vision, but the resulting film is one that evolves into an enjoyable adventure despite it becoming infamous for being Star Wars’ biggest financial flop.

Solo aims to capture a Saturday matinee energy that plays well into Star Wars’ roots but doesn’t shoot for the mythological grandeur of some of its best entries. Much of this has to do with the fact that Howard and Kasdan, along with his son and co-writer Jon, keep the film mired in the muck and grime of the galactic underworld. The result builds upon elements of Star Wars media that have never been given the forefront of a feature film until now. It makes for a unique feeling movie that carries an aesthetic of its own but still feels a part of the larger saga.

It is in the smaller moments of heists and robberies and double crossing where Solo leans into its western/crime film roots that the movie proves to be the most thrilling and successful. While the fate of many of its players are known, Solo does an admirable job of keeping motivations shifting and fluid but never unclear and this is captured by some solid performances at its center.

Despite the mountains of criticism and skepticism hurled his way, Ehrenreich does a commendable job of making the role of Han Solo his own. While clearly based in the mannerisms of Ford’s iconic take, Ehrenreich brings his own level of charm and swagger to Han that it is easy to appreciate him as his own character while also not losing sight of the legacy.

The true scene stealers, as most audiences likely expected, prove to be Donald Glover’s Lando Calrissian and his droid partner L3-37, played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Glover’s casting was lauded since it was first announced and it is a pleasure to see that he lives up to the hype. He plays the smooth talking gambler with the sort of duplicitous charm and arrogance that made Billy Dee Williams’s first appearance in The Empire Strikes Back so instantly classic. Calrissian is a clear crowd pleaser on and off screen and it makes every scene he is a part of magnetic and entertaining.

However, despite all of this, Solo is more concerned with telling a story of origins and smaller scale spectacle than it is picking apart what really makes the central smuggler tick. It’s passable entertainment without a whole lot going underneath the hood.

At the end, perhaps the biggest sin that Solo commits is that it fails to justify the purpose for its existence. This isn’t a film that audiences were clamoring for or that the franchise is necessarily improved by for having. However, unlike other origin stories, it plays with the legacy of its larger than life toys without tarnishing them. It takes them for a ride that is frequently fun and often filled with smart creative choices but can’t help but feeling disposable. It’s the Star Wars movie that inspires the least amount of emotion, one way or another, and is likely to remain a franchise footnote for sometime.

Score: B

5. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Despite containing some of the most iconic and even emotional content of the series, there is something oddly stale about Return of the Jedi. It still is a consistently entertaining and engaging film, but in comparison to the two masterworks that proceeded it, something feels off.

Some of this might simply be due to the abundance of slapstick humor, the ill-fitting Ewoks, or any number of frequently cited issues with the presentation and script such as an overly long sojourn to Jabba’s Palace on Tatooine. (I do love the Errol Flynn/Flash Gordon style set piece above the Sarlacc pit all the same.) However, perhaps the most unfortunate aspect about Return of the Jedi is simply the fact that two of its principal characters are played by actors who simply do not seem to want to be a part of the film. Both Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford turn in performances that are competent in their own right, but at the same time are a far cry from their work in both preceding films in the original trilogy. A particular exchange between the famous smuggler and princess on a balcony in an Ewok village contains some of the most forced dialogue and line delivery in the saga and it’s more than a tad distracting and disappointing.

Richard Marquand’s direction also feels relatively bland and perfunctory after the creative abundance that George Lucas and Irvin Kershner brought to the prior films. It handles the scale and action of it all competently enough, but the whipsnap editing of A New Hope or the inventive cinematography of The Empire Strikes Back are missing. It stands as one of the blandest looking films in the saga as a result.

However, Return of the Jedi progresses the narrative momentum from both previous films into an incredible three part climax that is thrilling and compelling. Whether it is the sublimely ahead of its time space battle between the scattered rebel fleet and the Imperial war machine or the final temptation of Luke Skywalker by the Emperor, Return of the Jedi draws the viewer into its dense dramatic landscape and rarely lets up. Yes, even the relative silliness and levity of the Ewok forest battle even makes for some amusing breaks of the heavy material surrounding it.

What ultimately elevates Return of the Jedi above most of the rest of the Star Wars franchise is its beautiful conclusion to the central drama of the Skywalker family saga. Mark Hamill and Ian McDiarmid are arguably the two strongest actors in the original six Star Wars films and seeing both paragons of light and dark play off one another in such a way is a rare treat that bursts with scenery chewing pathos. The tempting of Luke through family and eventually Vader’s redemption through love for his son is a beautiful thematic tableau. Vader’s slaying of his Master and his gradual death bed re-transformation into Anakin Skywalker makes for the most emotional sequences in the series. Regardless of the tragedy that has brought the series to this point, Return of the Jedi ends on a moment of unabashed peace and unity and it’s both serene and appropriately celebratory. Whether you are a “Yub Nub” fan or a fan of the Special Edition’s galactic victory revelry (I’m the latter), it is hard not to smile as our heroes embrace one another and an old generation sees its sins rectified. Score: B+

4. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)

There is a certain strangeness to The Last Jedi. While many criticized The Force Awakens for being overly reverential of its predecessors at the cost of a unique narrative, director and writer Rian Johnson takes the franchise to its almost breaking point limit in the series’ eighth numbered installment. Whether it be through its atypical narrative structure, franchise first visual cues, abundant humor, or the frequent breaks from expectation, The Last Jedi is a different form of Star Wars film than we are used to. The Last Jedi takes risks, and while not all of them may payoff, it is to be commended that it takes them in the first place. It’s a movie that has something to say and something worthy as well, and in an era of blockbusters that aim only to please and not challenge their viewers, it’s certainly an appreciated move.

 After sitting out almost the entirety of The Force Awakens, Mark Hamill finally receives the opportunity to dig back into the most iconic role of his career and to one of the most beloved heroes in a generation. One of the smartest twists in Johnson’s script comes with the playing of expectations for this. Luke is a broken man and has become that way for a reason. In particular, The Last Jedi continues the Sequel Trilogy’s smart meta-narrative. These films, perhaps more so than any other set of Star Wars media, are keenly aware of the legacy in which they play and it factors into the narrative. Within the Galaxy Far, Far Away and in real life, the characters of Luke, Leia, Han, and, even, Darth Vader have become legends. Johnson crafts a Luke that is cracking under the pressure of the legacy, but in the process creates a strong message on the importance of heroes and what they can mean to the downtrodden and a society in turmoil. It makes for one of the film’s strongest through points and this is done in no small part due to Hamill’s terrific performance. Hamill not only finds a wonderful balance in updating his iconic character to a new era of his life, but by balancing measures of sorrow, anger, and grumpy humor. It’s a move that has proved infamously divisive to both viewers and to Hamill himself, but the end result, especially in an outstanding move in the film’s third act, is pure Star Wars magic.

Paired with Luke is the still lost Rey. Daisy Ridley utilizes this confusion and frustration to craft a heroine that is at an emotional crossroads. While her determination and passion from The Force Awakens  still rings through, Rey this time brings with her a strong sense of vulnerability and confusion and it makes for a harrowing character arc that is made all the better for its pairing with Kylo Ren. They see similarities in their shared frustrations and confusion, but they are still two people who are fundamentally separated on the bound of morality. As a result, Adam Driver continues to craft Kylo Ren into one of the franchise’s most successful villains. While he lacks the campy sneer of Palpatine or the undeniable dramatic gravitas of Dart Vader, Driver’s Kylo is marked by his unpredictability and instability. As a result, he’s a villain that feels disturbingly human and volatile and it makes each scene he is a part of particularly fascinating. All of this pays off in a stellar throne room confrontation between Kylo, Rey, and Andy Serkis’s Supreme Leader Snoke that marks the film’s clear action highlight.

The greatest failing of The Last Jedi ultimately comes from a middle act that at times feels aimless and overly cluttered. There are numerous moving parts and an extensive ensemble cast that branches off to multiple locations and teams. It’s inevitable that one story will feel lost in the shuffle and that, unfortunately, comes down to Finn and Rose. John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran as a general rule are a joy to watch. Boyega carries the same enthusiasm and excitement that made him so infectious in The Force Awakes and Tran is inspirational in her quiet moments of grief and casual heroics. However, the lengthy sequence on Canto Bight including a less than inspired chase sequence feels like the film at its most aimless. At a point where all three major narratives feel stalled, it is the Canto Bight section that feels the most distracted and disinterested despite the stellar design work at hand. It’s unfortunate in that this holds back the pacing of the film but squanders a potentially strong story for two of the film’s leads, one of which was one of the standouts of its predecessor. Luckily, Poe Dameron does end up getting the spotlight and his desperate story of responsibility plays out like a tense piece of military science fiction and is one of the unsung highlights of the film.

Even when it isn’t sticking the landing, Johnson’s script still moves with intention of both theme and character. Lessons regarding failure, myth, personal growth, and courage are abundant and each of the central five characters feels like they have a clear arc and goal achieved by the end of the film, despite some of them not always being the most entertaining to watch or taking priority over others. 

Combined with some beautiful imagery, a freewheeling and dynamic musical score by John Williams, and fantastic final act that is simultaneously moving and fist pumpingly fun, The Last Jedi is some of Star Wars at its best. It’s willingness to upend conventions and take risks is likely to irk some fans until the end of time, but there is genuine magic here and it ages better with each passing year.

Score: A-

3. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

Director JJ Abrams and co-writer Lawrence Kasdan stated that the one emotion they wished to elicit in audiences while viewing The Force Awakens was delight. In that they delivered in spades. While the film may tread into some dark and even tragic material, what The Force Awakens does first and foremost is return a sense of fun, adventure, and character to Star Wars’ presence in the world. It makes for a breathless, endearing, and entirely involving viewing experience that only manages to win one over with each consecutive watch.

Much of this is due to the embarrassingly talented and engaging ensemble cast assembled in the film. Not since The Empire Strikes Back has a Star Wars film been this densely populated with genuinely relatable, exciting, and intriguing characters. It’s what makes the movie breathe, live, and thrive and in the process turns it into premium blockbuster entertainment and one of the finest installments in the series to date.

Daisy Ridley’s Rey easily finds herself fitting into the archetype of a loner elevated from poverty into extraordinary circumstances. She makes for the sort of every woman that made the original Star Wars narrative so appealing and was lacking from the prequel trilogy as a whole with maybe the exception of a childhood Anakin. In contrast, John Boyega’s Finn is a boundless source of energy, outward conflict, and humor. Boyega is about as charismatic and energetic character as the franchise has ever had. From his first traumatic introduction through the eventual end of his journey, Finn’s struggle for purpose and arguably redemption adds a level of unpredictability but also flawed humanism. Boyega clearly has a large amount of affection not only for the role but for the film and the universe itself. It’s hard not to fall in love with Finn from the second he appears on screen. Pairing off with him is Oscar Isaac’s underutilized by seductively charming hot shot pilot, Poe Dameron. Isaac owns every scene he is a part of with each spin of his fighter, smirk, and cheer.

Opposing the trinity is Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren, whom Abram’s and Kasdan craft into a fractured and unstable meta-symbol of legacy and male fragility. It turns Kylo into an entertaining and uniquely frightening villain that is not sympathetic, but understandably human. It makes the character’s slips towards the Dark scarier in their closeness to real world insecurity. This is not a fall of mythic proportions such as Anakin but one instead fueled by uncomfortably familiar emotion.

Of the returning cast members, Harrison Ford not only turns in his best take on the galaxy’s most notorious smuggler since The Empire Strikes Back but arguably his most lively and enjoyable performance in over a decade. Like much of the cast, Ford seems to be enjoying the role and luckily, unlike Return of the Jedi, he seems to have found what makes the character of Han Solo not only fun but interesting and human. The same can be said for Carrie Fisher as Leia Organa. Fisher has not lost her ability to appear both emotionally torn but also commanding at one moment, and she, like Ford, effortlessly slips back into her old role.

As it is most likely clear by this point, The Force Awakens is a film that thrives by its incredible cast of characters. Star Wars at its best is a series that works best when the mythology, despite how compelling it may be, takes a back seat to the human, robotic, and alien beings at its center. This proves doubly the case for The Force Awakens. While its central plot mostly serves as a means by which to challenge, test, and reveal its characters, it also functions as one of the most structurally weak points of the movie. Those familiar with A New Hope will find a fair share of structural similarities with the beginnings of both trilogies. Most of these center around the mostly ill-advised inclusion of Starkiller base, a third string Death Star that functions as little more than a staging ground for the film’s final act. However, while this overt reverence for the past can prove distracting and unwarranted, it does not prove as detrimental to the film as a whole as some critics and fans have claimed since its release in 2015.

Score: A

2. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

Viewing Star Wars, or A New Hope, is almost an exercise in examining an indelible piece of pop culture history as much as viewing a movie. It is hard to overstate just how drastically this film has shaped the world and cinematic culture since it was first released to record breaking crowds in 1977. While it may seem inconsequential when viewed in the pure breadth and scope of the behemoth franchise that it has spawned in the 40 years since its premiere, A New Hope laid the groundwork for one of the most enduring pieces of science-fiction/fantasy in the world all the while telling a uniquely entertaining and compelling movie in its own right.

As its own artifact, A New Hope is this strange sort of mad genius cooked up within George Lucas’s often baffling but uniquely talented creative space. The sheer amount of consequential but essential world and character building that A New Hope carries within its opening act is a gargantuan feat and it does so with the same sort of on-the-nose optimism and sense of adventure that pervades the entirety of the picture. Whether it’s the thrilling opening clash between Leia’s rebellion and the Empire or through Obi-Wan’s melancholy explanation of the history of the Jedi to an eager Luke Skywalker, Lucas’s script is busy crafting a myth and its one that’s worth listening to.

A New Hope’s secret success has always been its distillation of the hero’s journey into a unique narrative. Lucas imbues his take on this classic storytelling trope with his own creative flourishes and iconic imagery: the long arm of the Empire represented as the never ending Star Destroyer filling the screen, Luke’s desire for adventure represented as an almost self-imposed prison in his aunt and uncle’s farm before it is torn away from him, and of course the cantina that represents the steps into a larger new world filled with oddities and danger. A New Hope’s iconography is memorable and steeped into pop cultural memory for a reason.

In terms of performances, outside of Alec Guinness’s stoic but appropriately haunted Obi-Wan Kenobi and Peter Cushing’s deliciously twisted and sinister Grand Moff Tarkin, A New Hope functions moreso as a stepping stone for future development than an acting showcase. This is not to say that the acting is poor. Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker is impatient and impetuous, but he serves as a more than adequate focal point for the film’s young audience. Harrison Ford’s Han Solo may not yet be the cocky romantic that audience’s will come to love him for, but his devil-may-care swagger makes for a magnetic secondary protagonist. Carrie Fisher is given relatively little to do here, but right off the bat brings with her Leia’s brash confidence, knack for heroism, and utter impatience for those around for her who are holding her back from her mission.

Above all, A New Hope is simply a joy to watch. It’s buoyed by an infectious sense of wonder, adventure, and optimism while at the same time hiding a hints of tragedy and even canny political awareness. It’s an appropriate blockbuster for the ages and likely will feel its legacy stretch out for decades to come. Score: A+

1. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

If A New Hope was the film that laid the foundation of what Star Wars could become, The Empire Strikes Back is the movie that catapulted the series from creatively executed novelty into myth. Director Irvin Kershner and writers Leigh Brackett (to this day the only woman to write for a Star Wars feature) and eventual franchise regular Lawrence Kasdan escalates George Lucas’s original story of a hero’s journey into a layered, philosophical, and beautifully realized story of character and familial drama.

What sets Kershner apart from Lucas from the start is his sinister and almost dreamlike visual style that pervades throughout the film. To this day, The Empire Strikes Back makes for the most visually evocative film in the franchise with its dizzying moments of space flight, incredible battle over the snow drifts of Hoth, majestic and appropriately hazy skies of Bespin/Cloud City, and of course eerie and murky swamps of Dagobah. Kershner establishes a smart language through the movie’s cinematography that reorients the franchise and its characters not only as more mature beings but those that are battling their own struggles of aging and adulthood.

Appropriately, The Empire Strikes Back is a story of growing up and challenging its central cast. Luke discovers that his path to adventure leads not to one of heroism and uncovered legacies but to an inheritance that is tempered with trials and a dark and tragic family legacy. Leia finds her attempts to guide a galactic rebellion clouded by her own personal feelings. Han Solo can’t bring himself to leave because he has discovered that he is maybe addicted to heroism but is also hopelessly in love with the princess at the war’s center.  Kasdan and Brackett move these characters into scenarios that routinely challenge them and in the process mines series, and even career, high performances from all involved. Harrison Ford in particular is both a dashing romantic while also remaining a cocky and oddly insecure criminal.

Similarly, while A New Hope may have established Star Wars as a cultural icon, it is The Empire Strikes Back that has left its indelible mark on the franchise as a whole. Whether through the development of the Empire into a multifaceted fascist machine spanning worlds and star systems, introducing the Force as a mystical and philosophical belief system more in tune with Buddhist and Hindu spirituality than as a magical tool through the instantly iconic character of Yoda. (Frank Oz is one of the unsung performing heroes of this series), having Billy Dee William’s bring a sense of moral ambiguity but also undeniable cool to the franchise with Lando Calrissian, or John Williams’s most mature and instantly iconic score of the franchise, The Empire Strikes Back inspires more iconic Star Wars elements than one often realizes.

However, what the central piece that draws the entire film together into pure classic territory is the onyx clad Sith Lord at its center. While Darth Vader carried a presence throughout the previous film, James Earl Jones and the general creative team in Empire establish the character as not only a sinister force to be reckoned with but one with a twisted sense of humor and a dark personal pathos. It solidifies the character as one of the most, if not the most, iconic villain in film history.

The Empire Strikes Back is a triumph. It is intelligently engaging, artistically realized, beautifully acted, and at the same time strikingly funny and entertaining. It is and likely always will be the zenith of Star Wars entertainment. I doubt anything will ever top it.

Score: A+ ----------------------------- So how did I do? Agree? Disagree? Let me know.