#it’s October so who wants to drive with a missing window?

[didee-anne]

I’m sad and angry

[yan-lorkai]

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡Day one: Azul sewing buttons over their darling eyes

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: I've been meaning to watch Coraline again because i remember that it was such a good movie. Then, thinking about it, I got kinda inspired by the whole button eyes thing and wrote this, and well it's october, so I had to start my halloween event with style <3

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warnings: Yandere content, violence agaisnt the reader (hair pulling, choking, pulling their eyes out to sewn buttons on, yknow the usual), threats, gn!reader.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Tagging: @harukishiyo @kiraiyugen @orisaspirin

The room was cold, a stark contrast to the suffocating heat of your skin - winter had begun in both this world and yours, but here it was harsher and more cutting, impossible to bear even after you had wrapped yourself up warm.

Normally you would have taken refuge in Azul's room so the two of you could cuddle together and talk about each other's day. He was sweet and caring, so different from the Azul of your world. However, he had business to finish and asked only that you wait for him in the Mostro Lounge.

And you've been waiting for him for thirty minutes now.

It was strange to be there with no one around, other than the sound of the fish swimming in the aquariums, your own breathing and foot tapping impatiently against the floor. The atmosphere that used to be vibrant and welcoming during the mornings seemed strangely heavy - maybe it was the strangeness of being there alone, in a dark-toned environment, or maybe it was your damn curiosity.

Even though you loved this version of Azul more and liked this version of the twins more, because they were the opposite of what they were in your world and how they treated you there, you couldn't help but miss your world, even if just a little. You couldn't help but feel like recently the three of them had been acting strange, whispering among themselves, stopping talking whenever you were around, watching you like vultures looking for carrion.

Perhaps, you think, this will be the last time I return to this world.

You could leave whenever you wanted, you could walk through the door and never come back. You could do that even now - you look towards Azul's office. The secret door was there. Hidden behind his desk.

The first time you had walked through that door was because of your curiosity, you wanted to know what was on the other side. And both you and this Azul, with his beautiful buttons for eyes, stared at each other for several seconds before he looked away and put his hand to his chest, asking himself out loud if he was seeing things, if the stress was driving him crazy.

And Floyd, next to him, began to laugh uncontrollably, tears falling from his buttons as he saw the expression on your face and Azul's face. Which caught Jade's attention, who entered the office, saw you still in the same position, Azul's face, and began to laugh too.

Sweet moments like this became more and more distant, leaving you with a bitter taste in your mouth. They left you with a deep longing.

You wanted back the jokes and pranks, and the care the three of them had for you. You want to feel part of this world again. You want to sit beside Jade and watch the sun rising from his window, you want to bake and cook with Floyd and you want Azul to look at you his shiny buttons and soft smile that made you weak.

You wanted everything back. Yet you couldn't have it back.

You were sitting in a comfortable chair, unable to understand why you had been called there so late. The silence was only broken by the distant sound of the clock on the wall, marking the passing of time. The fish were all asleep now.

Suddenly, the door opened softly, and Azul entered the room, followed by Jade and Floyd. There was something strange about them. Their eyes… They didn't glow like they usually did, I mean, they were made of buttons, but even so, there were times when they glowed as brightly as normal, living eyes.

Instead, what you saw now were dull button eyes. Black and lifeless. Like black holes that stared at you without ever closing their eyes, always searching for a secret where there was none.

“Oh, I’m glad you could come,” Azul’s voice was both calm and cold, as if he wanted you there but didn’t care that you were there, there was still a hint of somberness in his tone. “We really wanted to see you… We’ve been thinking about something a lot lately, planning, I mean, I know it’s nerve-wracking, but of course it’s your decision.”

Your body froze as Jade and Floyd approached, their firm hands gripping your shoulders, pinning you to the chair. A disturbing smile formed on Floyd's face, his gaze fixed on you, but empty, as empty as the buttons in his eyes.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as Azul stepped closer, the crazy grin on his face accentuated even further by his black buttons. "What... What does all this mean?"

Azul pouted. He was between doubt and hope that you would accept whatever offer he had to offer. "That's just precaution."

He ignored your startled look, calmly taking out a small sewing kit from his pocket. Inside, needles and buttons. “You’re so out of date with your human eyes, obsolete, sorry to say. But we can fix that, buttons are much better, don’t you agree? Will you… accept them?”

You wanted to deny it, you wanted to scream and run away, and never look back. But the twins' strong hands held you tightly, leaving painful marks on your forearms. It would be impossible to fight them, you concluded.

Deceiving them, on the other hand... Maybe it would work.

You took a deep breath, trying your best to pretend irritation instead of fear. And then you lifted your chin and answered him. "Zuzu, as a couple I thought we should discuss this between us without them being present. You hurt me with your attitude."

Azul hesitated for a second, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. "Honey... I'm sorry, it's just..." He pressed his lips into a thin line as he forced his mind to work. "I'm sorry, but you didn't answer my question. Do you accept them?"

You turned your face away and bit your lips, a clear indication of your anger. You always did that when you were angry and that was what you wanted him to think. Jade, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying the fight between the two of you while Floyd chuckled softly.

"Alone, Zuzu." You answered him. "Or maybe... You don't love me anymore and that's why you don't trust me?"

Your eyes watered, they were more tears of fear than sadness, and perhaps anger for not having listened to your instincts before and having escaped, still, Azul seemed to buy your act and let out a big sigh.

The sewing bag was placed on a table, a safe distance away, you watched, as he motioned for the twins to move away.

"You know what to do." He muttered.

And you turned in time to see Jade disappearing into the office while Floyd headed for the exit, as if they had rehearsed it. You suppressed a scream of rage inside you.

It was Azul, of course, he would now be predicting your strategies carefully, searching for a bluff or a lie. But you were confident that you could beat him somehow, that you could be smarter.

"We could have talked, you know... Instead of you just deciding everything for me... Like he always does." Your mention of another version of him made him grind his teeth, Azul hated being compared to his otherworldly self.

He had to be better, even better than himself.

He was waiting for whatever you had to say, but you weren't in any hurry at all, far from it. You were trying hard not to let the panic show in your eyes or posture. Still seated, you rubbed your sore arms, fully aware that he continued to stare at you.

Azul truly had an awful habit of staring at people until they felt uncomfortable and started to reveal what they didn’t want to. You took a deep breath. You couldn't let this technique work on you.

Instead, you stood up with feline steps, trying not to appear desperate as you approached him and wrapped him in an embrace. Almost instantly, he returned the gesture, but it wasn't comfortable.

It was suffocating, like a cage. Cold as ice. You missed Azul. Either one of them, any of them who loved you well and treated you kindly. But they were both the same. They were horrible. Bitter.

“When did we stop communicating, Zuzu?” It was a question with many answers, one that made your heart beat slowly with growing sadness. You looked at him. He looked back at you with a kind of nervous smile.

“I don't know,” Azul confessed, his voice losing its dominant cadence. He truly seemed not to know when things fell apart or maybe he was pretending very well to make you feel sorry for him. “But I was afraid you'd leave and never come back. There are so many differences between my world and yours, and if I were you, I would've gone back home.”

Your throat tightened at the confession but you didn’t allow guilt to take over. Not now, not when every second was vital. Gently, you stroked his hair, a gesture more to calm yourself than to soothe him.

“I would never leave, Azul.” Your words were soft, almost a whisper as you looked at him. “I always come back to you, don’t I? Because I know I love you more than I love my old world.”

Azul sighed, relaxing slightly in your embrace, as if he believed every word you said. But you knew you couldn’t let your guard down. He was far too clever for that and any slip would be fatal.

“Then why do you never really look at me?” His question cut like a knife and the grip around you tightened. “You always look beyond me, as if I’m… disposable. I don't want to be disposable, not to you.”

Your heart tightened and you had to fight to stay in control. You couldn’t hesitate now. “You’re not disposable, Azul. But you need to trust me, the same way I’m trying to trust you now, even after you’ve scared me like this.” You knew those words were fragile, a tightrope between a lie and the truth.

But it was all you had.

For a moment, Azul seemed to waver, his body trembling slightly against yours. This was your chance. Slowly, without letting go of the embrace, you reached for your pocket, where a small object was hidden, something that could help you free yourself from this trap.

“Do you… do you really want this?” He whispered, his voice broken by doubts and insecurities that seemed so human they almost made you hesitate. “For me to trust you?”

“Yes, I do.” You replied, keeping your gaze fixed on him, even though his button eyes couldn’t reflect the emotion he felt and that pulsed in your rapid heartbeat. “I believe we’re all too agitated right now, so how about we talk in the morning?”

Azul blinked, surprised. The tension in his arms eased, just a bit, but it was enough. In one swift, precise movement, you pulled the object from your pocket. In a desperate gesture, you pressed it against Azul's arm.

He choked, his button eyes widening with an expression that bordered on shock and horror. Betrayal was written on his face and eyes, and everywhere you could see, and you hated yourself for it.

“Why?” He asked, his voice sounding like that of a lost child, on the verge of tears. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I still want to save you, Azul.” You said, even knowing that the words wouldn’t be enough to erase the darkness that had engulfed him. "And to save you, I have to save myself."

With a shove, you broke free from him and stepped back, keeping the knife raised as your heart pounded in your ears.

Azul stood still, blood dripping slowly from his arm, his button eyes shining with a mix of confusion and sadness that was painful to see. But you had no more time. You had to leave before Jade and Floyd noticed what was happening – you glanced over your shoulder, Jade was still in the office.

And then, with one last look at the man you loved and feared, you ran toward the exit, hoping there was still time to escape, praying that Floyd was far away, knowing there was no other option.

The room seemed to freeze the moment you made your move. The knife in your hand trembled slightly, you tightened your grip as you saw from the corner of your eye Azul was still motionless, you hoped the shock would be enough for him to hesitate.

But he didn’t.

In an instant, the confusion and vulnerability on Azul’s face transformed into something far darker, colder and more calculated. His hand moved with terrifying speed, grabbing your hair forcefully, the knife now pressed uselessly between the two of you as pain pulsed in your head.

“You think you can fool me like this?” He whispered, his voice regaining that controlled, ocean-cold tone. “I’m much smarter than that, my dear. You never stood a chance.”

Your body stiffened and a shiver ran down your spine. Azul smiled, a cutting, empty smilex and in one quick motion, he twisted your wrist, making the knife fall from your hand with a metallic clatter on the floor.

“You wanted to save me?” He laughed softly but there was no humor in his laugh. His fingers now squeezed your neck with increasing force. "And you thought running away would solve everything? I’d follow you to the other world and kill them all.”

Your heart pounded in your chest as oxygen gradually left you, his grip unyielding. There was no opening. Fear began to consume you and you finally realized you had underestimated Azul, how he had always been one step ahead.

He knew you would lie; he knew you would attack him.

And he had prepared for it.

“I never intended to hurt you, you know…” Azul leaned closer, his button eyes gleaming ominously in the dim light of the room. “But now, you’ve left me no choice.”

He released your wrist only to, in one agile move, grab your hair again, forcing you to look directly into his button eyes that, ironically, seemed to see even deeper into you. “I would never let you go. And now… You will learn to stay with me. Forever.”

You felt a tightening in your throat and the words you wanted to say were lost in the growing panic. Azul's touch on your neck was cold, but his smile, still gentle, was now a silent warning.

There was no more escape.

There never had been.

“I’ll show you how we truly belong to each other.” Azul’s voice was soft but it carried a weight that crushed any hope you still had.

He then made a quick gesture with his free hand and before you could react, Jade and Floyd emerged from the shadows, their twisted smiles amplifying the terror that gripped you - you hadn't even realized when they returned.

“You thought you could fool us all, didn't you?” Jade said softly, while Floyd chuckled beside him. “I thought we were friends, shrimpy? Friends don't abandon each other.”

Before you could even try to struggle, Jade and Floyd’s hands were on you again, holding your arms with a grip that made your bones ache even more than before. Azul took a step back, observing the scene with an almost analytical gaze, as if evaluating your last desperate attempt, uncaring about your tears and fear.

“Now, now,” Azul said calmly, picking up the small sewing kit he had set aside. “No more running, no more lies. Let’s start over, shall we? This time… you won’t escape.”

“It’ll be fun,” Floyd whispered, his voice drawn out with a sadistic tone that made your skin crawl.

Terror gripped you. Trying to move seemed futile with Jade and Floyd's strength holding you firmly in place. Your breathing quickened and your heartbeat echoed in your head like drums.

The silence was piercing and your senses were sharpened with fear. Jade and Floyd’s hands were tight around your arms, their claws firm and preventing any attempt at escape. They smiled sinisterly, their button eyes reflecting the soft glow of the light above, lifeless and yet piercing.

They weren't your friends.

Friends protect each other.

They don't let harm get you.

They don't lie to you.

Azul approached you with calm steps, his gentle smile looking more like a grotesque mask now. He held a long needle, with the black thread already attached, and in his other hand, there was a scalpel shining in the dim light.

“Oh, you’re scared, aren’t you?” Azul’s voice was soft, almost comforting but the wicked glint in his button eyes gave away his true intentions. “Don’t worry, it’ll be quick. If you had agreed, I would have given you an injection so you wouldn’t feel so much pain, but in this case, I think you deserve a little pain and fear.”

You tried to struggle, your body instinctively fighting the impending terror but Jade and Floyd chuckled softly as they kept your body firmly pinned down. Azul's scalpel flashed once more as he leaned closer, bringing the blade to eye level.

“Let’s begin…” Azul whispered, and without further warning, he pressed the cold blade against the skin around your left eye. "Breathe deep, my love. Don't go faiting on me now."

The pain was instantaneous, searing, as if your skin was being torn by fire. You tried to scream, but fear and horror tightened your throat.

All that came out was a muffled, desperate groan. The blade glided smoothly, with meticulous precision, as Azul cut around your eye with the same calmness as someone sewing simple fabric.

Floyd leaned close to your ear and laughed. “I can hear your heart beating so fast, so excited, shrimpy!”

Jade, with his restrained smile, whispered softly, “Don’t move too much or the cut might become… Uneven, fufu. Surely, you don't want this?”

Azul’s scalpel finally made the final cut around your eye, and you felt a horrible sensation — a pressure that dissipated, as if something vital was about to be ripped out of you. Azul calmly set the scalpel aside and, with two thin, cool fingers, reached for your eye. He pulled, and pain shot through you like a wave of fire.

You felt the connection snap. Your eye was ripped out.

The emptiness that was left was worse than the pain.

The world around you grew darker, more distorted, but there was no time for rest. Azul was already preparing to repeat the process on the other eye, the same expression of cold concentration as the needle and thread rested, waiting for the final touch.

“Please…” You pleaded, gripping onto the tweels arms for comfort. The pain too much to bear. "Please don't..."

It was horrible. More painful than any pain you had ever felt before. A scream tore from your throat as the blade made contact with your other eye, blood and tears mixing in equal measure as Azul calmly continued his work.

"Breathe in, Yuu, and breathe out." Jade instructed as the pain became suffocating and, instead of trying to run away, you sank into his and Floyd's arms, reaching for something, anything that could stop it. "It's almost over, darling. And you were so brave."

Floyd nodded, releasing his grip on you to instead lean down and wrap you in a hug. “Almost over. And soon you’ll be one of us.”

The sound of voices didn't seem to register in your mind, only the absurd amount of blood dripping down your face like a grotesque river. And then, Azul tugged on your other eye, leaving you completely in the dark.

It was dark and cold, and horrible. You felt Floyd pull you closer to him, no doubt trying to convey some comfort.

He failed.

Your lungs seemed to be unable to receive any air, but you managed to take a deep breath. Your head was already starting to hurt from the lack of air and the tears had stopped falling. The blood was still dripping in smaller quantities, and your ears were working at full speed to find out what they were doing, where Azul was moving.

No doubt, everyone should be smiling. You failed to convince Azul, you failed to escape, you failed to realize their intentions.

You failed at everything.

A hand on your shoulder made you jump, whimpering.

"Oh, I'm sorry, love," It was Azul and he sounded so happy, far too cheerful for someone who had just stolen your vision. "Which color do you want for your buttons? Baby pink or soft blue?"

His words made your blood run cold, each syllable laced with a casualness that felt like a knife twisting deeper into your heart. You blinked, even though you knew you couldn’t see anything now; the darkness was absolute, smothering and suffocating.

You could only feel — the wet warmth of blood trickling down your cheeks, the sharp sting where your eyes had once been.

“Please… Azul…” You rasped, throat dry from the pain and fear, struggling to form coherent words through the haze of agony. “Don’t… please…”

He shushed you softly, his fingers gently brushing against your cheek, tracing the blood that stained your skin. "Shhh, don't worry, dear. This is for the best, you'll see," He murmured, his tone soothing, as if he were comforting a frightened child. "Now, tell me. Which color do you prefer?"

You couldn’t tell if it was the pain or his words that made you feel like you were spiraling into madness. Your hands were trembling uncontrollably and you tried to lift them to your face, but Floyd’s grip on your wrists tightened, forcing them back down.

“Azul, come on,” Floyd whined, his voice filled with impatience. “They’re not gonna choose. Can’t we just go with the pink? It’s cuter and suits them better”

“Patience, Floyd.” Jade’s voice, smooth and unhurried, cut in. You could feel his presence, too, close, far too close, he too was leaning to join the hug that was suffocating you. “Our dear friend should have the opportunity to decide. It’s only fair, after all.”

Your mind raced, desperate for some kind of escape, some way to make them stop, but you were trapped. Every breath you took felt like shards of glass scraping down your throat, the panic rising, threatening to drown you.

“Azul,” you whispered again, barely more than a breath, “You don’t have to do this…”

“Ah, but I do,” He replied, and his tone shifted, taking on a wistful quality, like he was talking about something terribly precious to him. “Unless you don't want your vision back, then be my guest, darling.”

You choked on a sob, your body trembling violently now, your knees threatening to give out. “I want... But please... Just...”

But he wasn’t listening. Instead, he hummed thoughtfully, as if genuinely considering your words, yet he was too into his own little world thinking about the buttons that would adorn your adorable face.

"Blue," He finally decided, almost sounding satisfied. "It'll match the shade of my eyes. Yes, I think that's perfect."

“Good choice, boss,” Floyd chimed in and you could feel the grin in his voice, his excitement palpable. “Let’s get started then, yeah?”

Azul’s grip on your shoulder tightened, not painfully, but firmly, like he was anchoring you to him. "Don't worry," He murmured softly, so close you could feel his breath against your skin. "This will only hurt for a moment."

“No—no, please!” You tried to jerk away, but Jade’s hands were suddenly on you too, their combined strength pinning you in place, forcing you to be still. Panic surged through you, a scream building in your throat as you felt the sharp, metallic touch of a needle pressing against your skin.

Azul’s voice came again, soothing and gentle, but laced with that same terrifying undertone. “Just stay still, love. It'll all be over soon, and then… then you’ll be perfect.”

And as the needle began to pierce through, the pain flaring white-hot, you knew with a sickening certainty that there would be no escape.

Not anymore.

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 73: Emily's Safehouse

Previous > Masterlist > Next

tw: mind control, conditioning, memories of abuse

October 1925

Emily woke up in bed -- a real bed for human beings, not a fuzzy little pet bed on the floor -- a sensation both frightening and strangely familiar. She wasn't allowed on the bed, unless her lady --

Her lady.

Her lady was dead.

The events of the previous night came rushing back to her as she lay there in bed, staring up at the ceiling. One moment she'd been in the carriage, drunk and stupefied from her lady's aura, and in the next moment, Lady Jessica was dead and gone. She'd been pulled from the carriage and into a janky old car by a vampire hunter, leaving behind everything she'd known for a promise of freedom, or at least a promise of a hot meal and a place to stay.

Unease gnawed in her gut. Promises of help always came with strings attached. She wasn't sure how she knew that, but she felt it deep inside. She'd have to pay for this charity somehow.

Emily tried to remember. Who had she been and what had she been doing before she had served a vampire? She knew somehow that she hadn't been serving a vampire for very long, so there must have been something that came before, but she couldn't remember any of it, a swirl of colors and scents and pains where the rest of her mind should be. Perhaps serving a vampire was the only thing she was truly good for, the thing she was meant to do.

She sat up in bed, trying in vain to drive the fuzziness from her mind. She didn't want it to be true, because if it were, then the hunter had just taken away the only thing that gave her life meaning.

There was a faint smell of eggs and toast in the air, and Emily's stomach growled, reminding her that there was no existential crisis that was worth missing out on food. She pulled herself out of bed, wearing the thick flannel nightgown that had been handed to her the night before, and pushed open the creaky wooden door.

The vampire hunter's home was an old farmhouse on the outskirts of the city, one with uneven floors and chipped paint and drafts in every window. It was nothing like the luxurious modern townhouse her lady had occupied, with every modern convenience including electricity. Still, Emily liked how familiar this place felt, how natural it was to keep her footsteps soft as she walked down the hall in borrowed slippers.

The kitchen was small but cheerful, done up in bright yellow and lime green. The hunter, Vivian, was tending to a skillet of eggs, while a young woman with red hair and a simple black coat sat at the kitchen table. The woman looked dazed, her eyelids at half-mast, as though she were fighting the urge to drop off to sleep.

"Good morning, Emily!" said Vivian. "Would you like some eggs? And did you sleep well?"

"I think so. And yes, I would like some eggs, please." She sat down at the table, nervously glancing at the other woman.

"Oh, this is Jenny, the thrall I took from Edgar. Jenny, this is Emily, a thrall I rescued last night."

"Pleased to meet you," said Jenny with a smile.

"You were a thrall, too?"

"Yes, for a very long time, until Vivian killed my master. She's helping me get accustomed to the human world again. I spent so long under my master's spell that it's…" She trailed off, sinking back into a daze, before collecting herself again. "It's difficult, after having spent years under a vampire's spell."

"Years…"

"Mmm…" Her eyelids were drooping again, and in a fluid motion, she fell to her knees, bowing her head to no one.

Vivian took the pan off the burner for a moment to shake her gently awake. Her eyes popped open and she sat back down on the chair, blushing. "Sorry, I still slip back under sometimes. Vivian is helping with that."

"You've been making great progress, considering how deep you were in vampire thrall," said Vivian, as she placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of Emily.

As Emily quickly ate her breakfast, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed herself, recalling how she had acted around her lady. Many nights, she'd accompany Lady Jessica to a club or social call, kneeling by her lady's chair, laying her head in her lady's lap, allowing her lady to pet her as though she were a beloved dog. Perhaps she had looked just as Jenny did, lost in a stupor as she mindlessly worshiped a vampire.

It hadn't always been this way, she was sure. How had they done this to her?

"I should be able to help you, too," said Vivian, sitting at the table. "How long were you with vampires? Do you remember?"

"I'm not sure," Emily said, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I can't remember much of anything before my lady's -- the vampire's house. But she has been showing me off to everyone as her new thrall, still, so I don't think it's been that long. A couple of months, maybe."

"That's good, then, it'll be easier to recover if you weren't with her long. From what you've said, it sounds like you had your memories wiped. Did you go through the auction house?"

The mention of the auction house stirred up a particular image in her mind. She was standing on a stage under a spotlight, wearing an uncomfortable frilly dress and jeweled handcuffs, squinting to try and focus on the crowd in front of her, bidding. They were bidding on her, bidding more than she'd ever made in her life, and it was going so fast…

"Yes, I'm sure I went through the auction house."

Vivian nodded. "Do you know if you met a vampire named Lily?"

"Lily! Yes, I remember her well."

"She's the one who wiped your memories, then."

Emily didn't just remember Lily from the auction house, the vampire who put her to sleep so gently, who urged her to be quiet and docile and offer her blood. She also remembered Lily from nights at the Tiger's Eye. In fact, she had cozied up to Lily, shamelessly nuzzling her, feeling a deep need to be near her and to hear her voice, even though she was the one who had stolen Emily's life.

And all of the other little indignities bubbled up in her thoughts. Allowing the vampire to dress her up like a paper doll and walk her on a leash. Mindlessly accepting that she'd be discarded and sold again when her lady tired of her. Smiling dreamily as she offered up her neck to a bloodsucking monster. Oh, god, she'd let that vampire sink her fangs into her flesh and drink her blood so, so many times, and she'd been made to enjoy it.

"Emily, are you okay?"

She wiped at her hot tears. "I let them take my mind, didn't I?" she said, humiliated. "I let them take my blood, too. I don't even remember if I fought them, but either way, they won. They took my mind from me."

"You didn't let them do anything," said Vivian firmly. "Vampires are strong, incredibly so, and particularly some of the ones you've encountered. Their enthrallment abilities can be powerful, almost impossible to resist without magic. Even many hunters eventually fall and become a thrall themselves. It's not your fault that they did this to you."

Emily nodded, still lost in her deep rush of shame despite Vivian's words.

"But I have magic. I've been studying how to ward myself from vampires for a long time. And I know a ritual that can reverse enthrallment, if you're interested."

"Yes!" said Emily. "Yes, I want my memories back. I want to know who I was before all of this. There must be something I can go back to."

"If you're that eager, we can do the ritual right after breakfast, if you like. But I should warn you… not everyone who gets their memories back is happy about it," Vivian said. "It's just that vampires tend to prey on people who… don't have a lot of family, or people to notice if they go missing. A lot of thralls come from bad circumstances. Do you still want to try?"

She would be lying to herself if her heart didn't sink a bit, but she knew that her answer was still the same. "Yes. I think I want to know, even if it's awful. I don't want to feel like offering my blood to a vampire was the only thing I ever did in life."

"Then come with me."

Emily followed Vivian into a sort of parlor and up a spiral staircase that rattled with every step. They emerged in an attic that smelled of dust and mildew. Vivian lit a lantern, and then a number of candles on the floor, and Emily could see a chalk circle with strange symbols written in it. The floor was stained in some places with what looked like blood. She realized that she had been trusting the vampire hunter completely, even though she knew so little about her. Sure, she'd freed Emily from her fate as a thrall, but that didn't necessarily mean she was a safe person in every way.

"I'll need to spill some of my blood for this ritual. Don't worry, it won't harm you, apart from any harm you might get from the memories you've lost." The knife Vivian held had a blade as long as her hand that glinted in the candlelight. "All you need to do is kneel in the circle and close your eyes."

Emily shuddered, her vague memories of the auction house dancing through her mind. After all she'd been through, she really didn't want to be at someone else's mercy.

But she hardly had a choice. Without any memories or skills beyond being a vampire's pet, she didn't think she could survive on her own. She had no place to go, no friends or family that she remembered, and no job -- she was already at Vivian's mercy. Slowly, reluctantly, she knelt in the circle and held her eyes just barely closed.

"Perfect," said Vivian. "Now just try to relax, and whatever you feel, just go with it. Don't suppress it, or the ritual won't be as effective. You might feel awful as your mind returns, because one thing the vampires like to do is suppress your undesirable feelings so that you enjoy being their mindless slave. But you have to accept it, all right?"

"All right."

Emily knelt in the darkness, her knees growing sore, as Vivian began a low chant. With her eyes closed, she could hear Vivian walking around her, chanting, along with rustling noises. The scent of burning herbs joined the candle smoke.

"Hold still for a moment."

She could feel the pressure of Vivian's thumb on her forehead and cheeks, and it felt like she had smeared something on her. She chanted words in an unknown language into Emily's left ear, then her right.

Just as Emily was wondering when the ritual would start to have an effect, a wave of fear and shame and sadness swept her away. She thought she had been embarrassed before, but it was nothing like what she felt now, a deep horror at how she'd been captured and used, her mind stolen and bent and made to serve the monsters who had violated her. A choked sob escaped her throat, and she retched as she recalled what the feedings were like without the glowing haze of hypnosis surrounding them. The suppressed pain, the violence of the vampire's fangs, the smell of her own blood.

But she remembered. She remembered her family, the one she'd run from, thinking nothing could ever be worse. She remembered trying to scrape by with odd jobs and artwork, the dingy room she called home, the many nights she'd gone hungry. She remembered being tossed into a cell in the auction house, straining against the iron bars, not knowing what would happen to her.

"Emily." Vivian had stopped chanting. "You can open your eyes now. Are you okay?"

She didn't feel okay. She felt as though she'd experienced a lifetime's worth of trauma in the space of ten minutes. But at least she knew it was hers. At least she knew how hard she'd fought to make herself a real life, how much she struggled against the vampires before the fight had been taken out of her.

"I'll be okay," she said, mostly out of a hope that it would be true. "Thank you. Between this and saving me last night, I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"I don't expect you to pay me. I'm planning on ransacking your vampire's home tonight, and once I pawn most of it, there'll be money for both of us," she said. "But your former mistress was also known to be a real social butterfly, so if your memories are less foggy, I wouldn't mind if you paid me in information."

"What kind of information?"

"Mostly where I can find powerful vampires to kill."

"The Tiger's Eye," Emily said. "It's a club where all of the powerful vampires of the city go to drink and gossip. I think I can show you where it is."

"Oh, I appreciate that, but I already know about the Tiger's Eye. It's how I tracked your mistress. Unfortunately, even though I'm a real crackerjack of a hunter, I don't think I can take on an entire club's worth of vampires by myself. So as much as I'd like to, I can't raid their speakeasy. All I can do is track down the drunk ones once they leave."

"Oh, I see." Now that Emily could think more clearly about it, she would've dearly loved to see the entire place burned to the ground -- after every one of those poor thralls had been saved, of course. She could remember lounging on her lady's lap as Jessica drank from a woman covered in bite scars, who seemed to have barely any awareness of where she was, and bile rose in her throat again.

The Tiger's Eye -- there was something important she was supposed to remember --

"If you know of any individual vampires that would be good to track down… There's actually a few in particular --"

"Oliver!" That had been nagging at her. The thrall who had recognized her last night was Oliver, the unfortunate bookseller who had been her neighbor in the cells. He'd talk to her for hours, taking her mind off the sordid situation, and had ended up hypnotized out of his wits, eager to throw away his life for a vampire -- just as she had.

"Beg pardon? Is that the name of a vampire?"

"No, he's someone I met when I was in the auction house. He was sold to a vampire, of course, and my la-- Jessica said that he lived only a block away from us -- from her. Do you think you could rescue him, too?"

"A block away from Jessica, you say…" Vivian nodded slowly. "Yes, I think I can work with that, especially if you know anything about the vampire who bought him."

"I don't remember his name, but… he was fairly tall and thin, pale and with messy hair. And his voice… this may be a strange thing to recall, but his voice was like -- something you'd want to listen to for days, even if he only read the phone book."

"Hmm, that might be part of his enthrallment. I'll have to be careful," said Vivian. "I can't make any promises, but I think I could arrange a playdate with your friend Oliver and his master."

Previous > Masterlist > Next

Next week: Fitz is put under the Maestro's control.

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @und3ad-mutt

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14

@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen

@pokemaniacgemini @jumpywhumpywriter @basica11ywhumped @anoontjecanush @cepheusgalaxy

@whump-me-harder @whump-till-ya-jump @the-monarch-whumperfly

[delilaahh9]

Dial Drunk

October 5th, 2021

12:32 am

Anna had no idea what she was doing, it started off with just a shot or two, then the next minute she was chugging a bottle of… something. Mark was visiting his parents about an hour away.

She was supposed to call Jack awhile ago, but when he tried to call her, he went straight to voicemail since she didn’t feel it vibrate in her leather jacket.

somehow, she ended up out on the back patio picking at the stitching on her jeans as the phone rang in her hand.

“Belle?” Jack mumbles as he answers the phone, turning his lamp on and sits up.

“I’m so sorry- I shouldn’t have released the song I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you- I miss when we didn’t fight all the time” she sobs into the phone, he could really only hear half of it but knew whatever she is saying isn’t great.

“Bee, what’s going on where are you” he’s much more awake now after hearing his sister sob into the phone, he’s put her on speaker and is texting Luke.

“I fucked up- why are you so far away” she cries. Lately, Annabelle has been finding photos of the two wether it’s Facebook memories Ellen sends her or if she finds the physical picture, either way, she finds them and remembers when they were attached at the hip.

“Belle, I need you to tell me where you are” He says a little louder.

“I’m… outside, inside a fence… but I’m - ew there’s an ant on my leg- do you know where mark is” she asks, Jack chuckles at how dumb she is when she’s drunk but continues to text Luke.

“okay Belle, Luke is gonna go get you can yo-“

“No! Can you come get me- or momma! In gonna call momma” She starts but her visions to blurry she can’t find the buttons.

“Belle! Don’t call mom- you’re gonna be alright” assures her and a few moments later he heard Luke’s voice in the distance.

“Give me the phone. Jack?” Luke asks and steps away from Belle who Ethan is now sitting with.

“Luke, is she okay, what’s happening”

“No clue, I didn’t even know she was out here I thought she was with her friends. I’ll take her back to her dorm-“

“No- bring her home, she’s going to want mom in the morning and make sure her heated blankets on, she gets cold”

“okay, I’ll call you when we get her back home, I might have to sleep on her floor again”

“Bye Luke”

“Bye Jack”

The boy managed to get her standing but with most of her weight on Ethan, but it’s not like she weighs a lot.

“Do you wanna come with me to take her home?” Luke asks. “Yeah, I’ll call mark on the way”

“perfect, come on you” he whispers and helps Ethan walk her to the car.

They reach the car and Annabelle slumps against the seat with a tired pout on her face while Luke buckled her seatbelt.

“Where’s mark” she whispers and her eyes begin to close.

“You’ll see him tomorrow don’t worry”

about halfway through the car ride, Ethan finally called mark.

“Hey Eddie, everything alright?” Mark says as he lays in bed, ready to fall asleep.

“Yeah, when are you coming back to Ann arbour”

“Like noon or something, why what’s up?”

when the familiar voice sounded through the car, it felt like music to Anna’s ears, which is why she woke back up.

“Mark?” She croaks out making Ethan look back.

“Ethan was that Anna? Is she okay?”

“She’s alright just a little… tipsy, was just letting you know”

“Where are you guys going?”

She sighs and lays her head on the window, wiping her own tears with her knuckles.

“Luke’s driving her back to the Hughes house right now”

“I’ll be there in 20” he says and before either of them could protest mark was hanging up the phone and throwing a hoodie over his head.

Once he arrived, Luke opened the door and pointed up the stairs where she laid in bed asleep.

“Oh princess” he whispered when he saw her tear stained eyes. He brushed some hair off her forehead before going to the other side of her bed and laying next to her while listening to the hum of the heater.

[jessicaloons]

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince:

Chapter 3

Masterlist - Previous - Next

Miss Americana

October 2022:

"… and then Miss Larimer said that we can pet the puppies…" Gabriel said excitedly, jumping up and down "They are so cute, Rach, I swear! I want one! Do you help me to convince dad to get me one? Pleeeaseee?"

Rachel only listened half-heartedly, reading the text on her phone while unlocking the car.

"Rachel! Please! I swear I’ll always eat my veggies, brush my teeth and go to bed when you tell me to, for the rest of my life! Please!" the little boy kept going but his nanny still didn’t react, her eyes still trained on her phone "RACHEL!"

She flinched looking into the rear view mirror at Gabriel who rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, what did you say?" she stuttered, trying to calm herself down.

"I said that Miss Larimer brought her puppies to school today and we could pet them and they were so cute and I want one! Can you help me to convince dad?" she saw her own set of puppy eyes in the mirror and laughed.

"Your dad is allergic to dogs, Gabe. You know that… are you buckled in?" Rachel started the car, driving off the parking lot, after Gabe nodded.

"That sucks…" the boy puffed out, looking out of the window, watching the boats and yachts in the harbour "One day I want to be a vet and then I can hang out with animals all day long."

"A vet? That’s an amazing idea, Gabe!" Rachel smiled and he nodded "And I’m sure you’d be an amazing vet!"

"You think so?" the blonde boy asked, making big eyes.

"Are you kidding me? Do you remember when we were at the zoo and you weren’t afraid to hold the snakes? Or touch the tarantulas! You even held up this definitely not cute looking lizard and cooed at it like it’s a sweet, fluffy puppy." the nanny recalled and Gabe smiled, thinking back to their trip to the zoo a couple of weeks ago.

"All animals are cute somehow." he shrugged and Rachel chuckled.

"See? You would be a perfect vet."

"You’re taking care of people and I’m taking care of animals. We’re both lifesavers!"

"Oh well, I’m not there yet. I only started my practical studies 6 months ago… as of now I’m not a lifesaver…"

"Yet. You’ll get there." Gabe chimed in and Rachel nodded.

"I will."

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence and when they arrived at home Gabe sat down at the kitchen island, starting with his homework.

"I’m back in a minute and then I make you a snack before we leave…" she said more to herself and walked out the back door, hastily making her way into her little studio.

She closed the door, pulling out her phone. With trembling hands she opened up the messages she got earlier.

I was at your university today.

According to your schedule you sent us you should’ve been there.

Where were you?

Also, isn’t it interesting that in the dormitory you’re supposed to live no one knows you?

Where the fuck are you, Rachel.

Tony. He was here. With trembling fingers Rachel dialled Stuart’s number.

"Hey Rach…"

"The app that’s blocking others from tracing my phone works, right?" Rachel cut him off and there was silence, the girl thinking her friends might’ve hung up on her "Stuart?"

"Yes. Of course? What’s going on?" her friend sounded concerned "Where are you?"

"At home. But-… they’re here. They checked in on me. But I wasn’t at university, because I didn’t update them on my new schedule… they won’t like that I specialised on paediatric… they were at my dormitory-…"

"Your dormitory? You don’t live here?"

"Yeah, but I didn’t tell them… I said that I was living at St. Julie Hall, they shouldn’t know that I saved a shit ton of money because I work and live outside of campus…" Rachel breathed out.

"Ignore it. You were at the hospital today. Answer tonight. Say that you moved to a different dorm and thought that you told them but must’ve forgot…" Stuart suggested.

"And what if they decide to come back?" her voice barely above a whisper.

"We’ll figure it out."

"They can’t find out about Gabe and Peter…"

"They won’t. Rach, they can’t track your phone. The only location they will get is the campus or the hospital, Marcus took care of it. You have a good excuse. It’s going to be fine, okay?" Stuart reassured Rachel, who took a deep breath.

"I have to take Gabe to his soccer practice now." she got up, checking herself in the mirror.

"Okay… take care Rach, and if you need anything, call, text, whatever…"

"Thanks Stu."

Rachel was tense and on alert the whole afternoon, looking around, searching the park and parking lot for someone from home, but thankfully she didn’t spot anything out of the ordinary. When she stood in the kitchen, preparing dinner, her phone rang and she took a deep breath, before she answered the call.

"Rachel?" her father.

"What’s up dad?"

"Don’t what’s up dad me! Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?" he was mad.

"What are you talking about? I just left the hospital when you called? I had a training shift today." Rachel lied, trying to sound confused and annoyed at the same time.

"You were at the hospital? Not on the campus?"

"No. I have more and more training shifts now, I’m getting my practical hours in now and I swear I love it." fake excitement.

"That’s good to hear, Rach… but Tony said it was weird that no one knew you in your dorm…"

"What? Why was Tony at my dorm?"

"He wanted to check in on you-…"

"Why? We had a deal! I’m allowed to finish my studies and not be bothered!"

"I don’t know, okay? He came over and told me that he visited you… something about checking in on their investment…-"

"Their investment? I’m here on a scholarship! None of you is investing anything in my education! I have a deal with his father. And I have no problem in calling him and telling him the deal is off the table if you lot don’t hold your end of the bargain!" Rachel was furious and didn’t even had to fake it.

"I don’t think his father knew that he was visiting you… Tony just stormed in here and told me that you weren’t at the campus and no one knew you at your dorm-…"

"Because I moved! When I came back after the summer a fellow student told me that there is an open spot at Fennell Hall, the dormitory right on campus. She knows the RA and so I got the spot. It’s a little more expensive but I only need 5 minutes to classes now. I told you that!"

"You did?" her fathers voice faltered.

"Yeah, right after my first week back. It’s a new term and when I came back I didn’t know most of the students in my old dormitory anyway, so I thought a change would be nice." Rachel said casually, when she saw Gabe getting off the sofa "Listen dad, it’s been a damn long day, I’ve been awake since 5 am. I just want to drive home, take a shower and sleep. Are we done here?" she fake yawned, hoping her father would believe her.

"Yeah… sure. Take care, Rachel." he said and Rachel thanked the universe for making him believe her.

"Will do. Good night dad." she hung up, right when Gabe sat down at the kitchen island, sniffling the air. She calmed herself down, smiling at the young boy.

"Smells good, what is it?" he asked.

"It’s a beef stew, here, have a taste." she scooped up some of the stew and blew cold air on it while Gabe walked around the island "Careful, it might be still a little hot."

The young boy chewed his food, making big eyes, swallowing his bite down.

"That’s good!" he exclaimed and his nanny smiled "Will dad be here to eat with us?"

"He said he will."

"Good. I want to tell him that I want to be a vet when I grow up."

"A vet? Where did that come from?" Peter walked into the kitchen, loosening his tie "What happened to rocket scientist?"

"As a vet I can hang out with animals all day long…" Gabe shrugged taking the plates from Rachel, setting the table.

"Well that’s true." his father laughed, squeezing his nanny’s arm "Are you okay, Rach? You’re a little pale?"

"I’m fine, it’s just a lot right now, everyone is starting to prepare for the exams…"

"Already? Wait? When are the exams?" he looked confused.

"We still got time, but yeah. Preparation is key, that’s what our professors love to say." Rachel rolled her eyes and Pete laughed, getting himself a beer.

"I can’t believe that in not even 8 months you’re done. God where do I find another amazing nanny just like you again?" he pouted, sitting down on a stool "A nanny that can cook like you!"

"Why don’t you stay with us forever?" Gabe looked at his nanny "I don’t want you to go."

"Believe me, Gabe, I don’t want to either, but when I’m done, I’m a nurse, I’ll have to take over so many shifts and I just wouldn’t have enough time for you." Rachel ruffled his hair a little.

"But you come visit us? Right?" he asked and she swallowed hard, nodding.

"Of course, little one." Rachel lied, feeling sick doing so.

The girl was quiet during dinner, listening to Gabe and his father, enjoying the family time. She knew that as soon as she graduated she would be gone. Telling Peter a half truth why she had to leave so fast, promising to stay in touch, knowing it would all be nothing but lies. She dreaded that day, over the past years she really grew close to the father son duo, loved them wholeheartedly. But she couldn’t risk them getting into harms way. And she wouldn’t do it. But she knew that leaving them behind would break her heart. And when she sat down with Gabe after dinner, all cuddled up on the sofa, watching cartoons, the first crack in her heart already formed.

"I’m going to miss you so much… you’re my best friend." Gabe whispered, making Rachel close her eyes, trying her best to not cry.

"I’ll miss you too, buddy, so damn much."

June 2023:

With her diploma in hand, Rachel walked off the stage, waving at Peter and Gabriel, the only ones to attend her graduation. After shaking some more hands and joining her fellow graduates for the hat toss, she walked over to Peter and Gabriel. The boy running up to his nanny, hugging her tight.

"We’re so proud of you Rachel!" Peter said, hugging her as well "Valedictorian. Wow. Amazing."

"Thank you for coming." the young girl blushed a little, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Are you kidding me? We would never miss this opportunity!" Peter smiled "And now, I’d love to take you out for dinner, if you haven’t planned anything yet? You didn’t say that you would celebrate afterwards so I reserved a table at La Chabelle just in case."

"Oh wow, Peter! You didn’t have to." Rachel blushed even more.

"You worked so hard over the last four years. You deserve a treat!"

"Okay…" Rachel began when she felt her phone vibrate "I umm- I just want to say goodbye to a few of my classmates and then we can leave."

"Okay, we’re waiting by the car." Peter and Gabriel walked off and Rachel took out her phone, reading the text.

"Rach-…" Stuart grabbed her shoulder, making her flinch "Hey, it’s me. Sorry! I didn’t want to scare you."

"I need to leave as soon as possible." she just said and Stuart looked confused "Here…" she shoved him her phone in his hands and he read the text.

"Next Friday? Didn’t you say that your graduation is on Friday?"

"They want me to come back immediately after. They’re sending someone to help me with my stuff… I have to play my part to make them believe I’m still here. They can’t know that I’m gone. They would send someone after me immediately. I should leave now. Yes. I’m leaving now."

"Okay, take a deep breath for me. Look at me Rach. I call my contact person and tell them you’re coming earlier than planned. But for tonight you’re going with Peter and Gabriel to La Chabelle, you’re enjoying your last night here. I’ll go to your place and start packing your stuff, we’ll figure it out okay?"

"But what will I tell Peter and Gabe? I have to tell Peter the truth. I planned it all out. Fuck this is ruining everything! But he has to know that I’m leaving. I can’t just disappear…"

"You will tell him tonight. It’s fine."

"Okay-… I- I have to go now, they’re waiting for me." Rachel looked towards the parking lot and Stuart nodded.

"You go, I take care of the rest. It’s going to be fine, you’ll see." he reassured the blonde girl and she nodded, then she pulled him in a tight hug.

"Thank you Stu, for everything. You’re a true friend…"

"It’s okay Rach, really. Now go."

With one last look she walked off, towards the sleek, black Mercedes of her boss, getting in as soon as she reached it.

"Ready?" Peter asked and Rachel nodded.

"Ready."

"Me too!" Gabe said from the backseat and they laughed.

"Then let’s go." Peter steered the car onto the busy road, driving across town and stopped in front of La Chabelle.

"Good night, buddy." Rachel kissed the young boys forehead, ruffling his hair while getting up.

"Good night…" Gabe mumbled, almost drifting off to sleep immediately.

The nanny carefully walked over to the door, quietly opening it before turning around once more, looking at the boy she took care of for the last 4 years. All the memories of the past years came to her mind. She felt her heart ache, not ready to say her final goodbye, although deep down she knew she had to. In order to keep Gabe and his dad safe, Rachel had to disappear. She took a deep breath and quietly closed the door, gathering herself for the conversation she would now have with her boss of the last 4 years. Peter was amazing. He paid Rachel more than well, took her and Gabe on little trips here and there. Always treated her like a part of the family, rather than a subordinate. She would miss him as well.

"Rach? Can we talk?" the girl flinched when her boss appeared out of nowhere in front of her, stopping her train of thoughts.

"Umm-… sure, I actually wanted to talk to you as well…" she gulped, following him downstairs.

"Yeah?" Peter replied and pointed to the sofa "You want a drink? Because I sure as hell need one…" he poured himself a glass of scotch, before looking at his nanny "Oh I forgot, scotch tastes like washing detergent, was it?"

"Yeah…" Rachel chuckled, accepting the can of coke her boss handed her "So- umm… about what did you want to talk to me?"

"Gabe and I… we’ll leave next week…" he blurted out, rubbing his neck, and Rachel tilted her head a little "Of course you’re free to stay until the end of the month in the studio, as we agreed on. But Gabe and I, we won’t be here until then…"

"You’re going on vacation?" the girl asked, although she was sure that she would’ve known if her boss had planned something.

"No. Not on vacation. Rachel, Gabe and I, we’re moving to Austin. I got a new job there…"

"Wow! That’s amazing!" a big smile spread on Rachel’s face, in Austin they would be safe "You didn’t tell me that you were looking for a new job? But I’m so happy for you!"

"Yeah, it was… well my boss contacted me out of the blue last week and offered me the job… they need me there as soon as possible… but this job, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you know?"

"Sounds amazing and I think Gabe will love it, he can become a real cowboy then…" the girl laughed, looking at the man in front of her, a serious look on his face "It’s going to be fine, just don’t let him alone with a horse for too long or you have to buy it!"

"Yeah… probably." Peter smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

"Okay, what’s wrong?" Rachel asked, looking at him intently.

"Is it too rushed? I don’t know how Gabe will take it? All his friends are here? Tearing him away from everything familiar?"

"You know your son, he can deal with everything. He will find new friends in no time, don’t worry!"

"Yeah, you’re right…" he sighed a little, scratching his chin "And what is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh- umm… I wanted to say that some friends asked me if I wanted to join them on a little trip… we would leave in the next days, I don’t know when exactly. I know, it’s a little spontaneous, but yeah…" Rachel lied, smiling innocently.

"Sounds wonderful! You should go, Gabe and I will be fine… we need to get used to a life without you now anyways! Unless you want to join us in Austin?" he smiled, a tinge of hope in his voice.

"As much as I appreciate the offer, I already have some job interviews lined up here, so…"

"Understandable, but you know that you’re always more than welcome!" Peter said and the girl nodded.

"I know Pete, and I really appreciate it…" she got up "I guess it’s time for me to pack my stuff then, maybe Stu can come in tomorrow and help me with it, so I don’t have to worry about it after I come back and you’re long gone…"

"Right, yeah… will you help me tell Gabe tomorrow?"

"Of course!" she smiled and kissed his cheek "Good night, Pete. Best boss in the world…"

"Night Rach, best nanny in the world…"

She chuckled and left the living room, through the kitchen and out into the backyard, the light in her studio already switched on.

"Please tell me that everything is arranged?" Rachel asked as soon as she closed the door behind her.

"Everything done." Stuart replied and she looked around her room.

Her life fitted into 2 cardboard boxes, a suitcase and a backpack.

"That’s all?" she mumbled and her friend nodded "I can’t take the boxes with me…"

"I know… I put all your personal belongings, pictures, books and stuff like that in your suitcase… the boxes is stuff you won’t need anymore, also some clothes I don’t want to see you ever in again…"

"Ouch, thanks…" Rachel chuckled "When am I leaving?"

"Sunday morning."

Rachel looked out of the window, as the plane slowly made its way higher up into the sky. She looked back one last time at her home. She knew, would she ever return, it wouldn’t be by her free will, she would be forced. It meant they found her and she had to make sure that that would never happen. She leaned back, closing her eyes. She still felt her heart ache, thinking at Gabe’s tear stricken face, but she knew that what she did was right. In two days they would be gone as well. Far away from Boston. Gone. No one would know she ever worked for Peter Hastings. No one would ever bother them. No one would know she’s gone until next Friday.

And when they would try to figure out where she was, when they followed her trace, she’ll be long gone. All planned out by Stuart. Rachel didn’t know what would happen to her old life, she didn’t ask. She didn’t want to know. But one thing was for sure, as soon as she would land in Montreal the life of Rachel Lombardi would end.

Chapter 3 - Goodbye Rachel’s old life, this looks like the start of something new… I know I’m rushing a little through the timeline here with big time jumps, but this is all just backstory to prepare you and our characters for the main plot, so please, bear with me 😅

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@glitterquadricorn @lottalove4evelyn @janeh22 @itsjustkhaos

[morbidology]

It was shortly after 4AM the 4th of October, 2011, when the phone buzzed at the Kansas City, Missouri, 911 dispatch centre. The call was from a man named Jeremy Irwin, who reported he had returned home from work to find his ten-month-old baby daughter, Lisa Irwin, missing from her crib. His two sons were fast asleep, but Lisa was nowhere to be found.

Police responded to the family’s light-green ranch-style home in the northeast side of the city, and took statements from Lisa’s parents. According to her mother, Deborah Bradley, she had last seen Lisa when she put her to bed the night beforehand at 10:40PM when she put her into her crib.

Lisa’s father, Jeremy, told police he had come home from his late night shift as an electrician at about 4AM, shortly before he reported Lisa missing. As he entered the home, something immediately struck him as odd. Most of the lights were switched on, a window was open, and the front door was unlocked. After discovering that Lisa was missing, he also discovered that several cell phones were also missing.

Deborah later said: “They took her and took all of our phones so we couldn’t call anybody.” According to Jeremy and Deborah, it was three cell phones that had been stolen. Deborah recalled: “One wasn’t even working and was sitting up there next to the other ones. I was reprogramming all the numbers and all three of them were gone.”

By sunrise, more than 100 police officers had descended on the family home to begin in their search for Lisa. They scoured the deep woods behind her home, but there was no sign of Lisa or any evidence that could indicate what had happened to her. One theory that detectives considered almost immediately was that somebody had crept into the window and had taken Lisa. According to Capt. Steve Young: “Originally there was a window on the front of the house that appeared to be tampered with, that’s something they were looking at, but we’re not really sure if that’s the entry point or not.”

As the search continued, missing person reports were drafted up and printed. These described Lisa as standing at 30 inches tall and weighing between 26 and 30 pounds. She had blue eyes and blonde hair, and had two bottom teeth. When she went to bed the night before, she was dressed in purple shorts and a purple shirt with white kittens on it. The community came out in droves to help in the search for Lisa, even holding a vigil the night after she vanished.

Lisa’s disappearance dominated the local headlines, and it wasn’t long before a tip came in that appeared to be lucrative. According to a woman who lived in the same neighbourhood as the Irwin family, she had seen a man overnight carrying a baby up the street. While this tip was being investigated, another tip came in. According to a caller, they had seen a couple travelling with a baby who looked similar to Lisa. They were a middle-aged white couple driving an older model SUV at the Love’s Travel Stop at the intersection of Interstate 29 and U.S. Highway 169.

Lisa’s parents cooperated with detectives, and they appeared on national television to plead for their daughter’s safe return. They firmly believed that somebody had entered their home that night and had taken their daughter. “We just want out baby back. Please bring her home,” pleaded Deborah. Jeremy begged that if anybody knew anything, “even the smallest bit of information” to reach out to detectives.

However, in a bizarre twist, shortly after their appearance on television, Captain Steve Young announced that Deborah and Jeremy had stopped cooperating with them. “They live in the house. They intimately have information about what’s going on,” he said.6 Deborah and Jeremy responded by accusing the police of suspecting them in their daughter’s disappearance.....

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞:

[lets-try-some-writing]

The Grim Dark Archives: Transcript #002

[Transcript taken October 1st 2004 in response to a call to 911 from the phone of one of the five missing persons reported prior to the Autobots usage of holoforms. The caller was in a panic as she reported being closed in by four vehicles on the highway not far off from Texas.

Initially this call was not brought to government attention due to the commonality of false alarms usually amounting to drivers in the area seeing things. However upon looking over the details the caller gave, one of our agents brought the call to our attention and it says a great deal about the Autobots... hunting methods.

Transcript begins.]

══════════════════

(Talking Clock: September 25, 2004, 22:24:03) EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: 911, where is your emergency? CALLER: I-I'm driving. There is someone following me, a gang maybe? I don't know, but they are following me and have been for the past half hour. EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: Where are you Sir? CALLER: I'm on the Texas 49 road. I came out this way to get away from my family and to have some peace and quiet, but now there are people following me and there is nowhere for me to go! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: I understand Sir. It will take us a while to get anyone out to you, but stay on the line. Can you describe where you are and what is happening? CALLER: Yeah, I can do that. T-There are two vehicles on either side of my car. One looks to be some sort or sports model, a yellow and black striped car. A-And the other is some sort of jeep, really dark green I think, but I can't see all that well in the dark. They haven't done anything, but their windows are tinted and I can't see who is driving. I've already tried getting away from them, but whenever I speed up, so do they! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: Calm down Sir. Can you pick out their license plates? CALLER: NO! I've tried but they don't HAVE license plates! They are unregistered and I can't see any sort of stickers or anything that could identify them! I've been looking, I swear I've been looking but they won't leave-! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: Sir, you need to stay calm. Tell me your name and exactly what is happening while we get some officers out in your direction. Can you do that? CALLER: Y-Yeah I can do that... My name is [REDACTED] from [REDACTED]. These cars seem like they are trying to lead me somewhere, I can't quite figure it out. They won't let me leave, and every time I try to swerve and get away, they speed up with me and get me back in my own lane! I don't know what they want! EMERGENCY DISTPATCHER 4: It will be alright Sir. Stay calm and stay with me. Officers are on their way. Just keep driving straight and try not to look panicked. Don't let them lead you anywhere, alright? CALLER: A-Alright, I can do this. Stay calm [REDACTED] stay calm... EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: That's right. Good job Sir. You are doing great. Officers should be there within- CALLER: No no no! There's another! Another vehicle! I-It's a motorcycle! Blue and pink I think! I-It's making strange sounds and it doesn't have a rider! ITS DRIVING ON ITS OWN-! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: SIR! Remain calm! I need to you to describe what is going on. Stay on the line, officers are on the way. CALLER: THEY DON'T HAVE DIVERS! NONE OF THEM! I-I saw it, the yellow and black sports car, it rolled down its window and there was no one inside! They are getting closer! They are boxing me in, I can almost feel them scratching the paint on my car-! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: It will be alright Sir! Try to speed up! See if you can get ahead of them! Officers will be there in ten minutes! CALLER: I'm trying I'm trying but they keep coming closer and speeding up-! I-I don't know what they want but they are so close! EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: Calm down, please calm down- CALLER: T-There's another! A big red semi! They are all around me and are pushing me toward this thing, I can't tell what it is! Its big and green and glows like some portal to hell-![Deafening screeches] EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: SIR! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! CALLER: I CAN'T LET THEM TAKE ME! I WON'T LET THEM! I'M GOING TO SWERVE INTO THE WOODS! THEY CAN'T GET ME THERE! [Hysterical screaming] EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: SIR NO! CALLER: [Various horns and beeps] LEAVE ME ALONE-! [Tearing metal and cracking wood] EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: HOLD ON! SIR! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! SIR! CALLER: I-I its hurts... the... the vehicles... they ... they are changing. EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: Sir you are likely delirious, please hold on. You need to leave your vehicle and escape the wreck so that officers can get to you- CALLER: They... they are humanoid? I'm not lying, the cars, they just changed I can't explain it... No no no NO NO DON'T NO NO I DON'T WANT TO DIE HERE!

EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: SIR! SIR!

CALLER: [Distant screams and electronic noises]

EMERGENCY DISPATCHER 4: WE NEED OFFICERS ASAP-!

(Call ends 22:30:07)

══════════════════

[Transcript ends.

Officers arrived at the scene ten minutes after the call ended and discovered [Redacted03]'s vehicle wrecked on the side of the road, half crushed against the trees. Investigation proved that [Redacted03] could have easily survived the crash itself due to the airbag functioning, however her disappearance was regarded as a mystery until our agents were sent out to review the situation.

Her vehicle had its door completely torn off and there were huge almost finger like indents in the sides. Officers originally speculated that it could have been the work of perhaps a local predator, but our agents were quick to note the tracks in the ground that were quite clearly Cybertronian based off shape alone. Officers who were at the scene were paid for their silence and we gained greater insight into just how the Autobots... acquired their holoforms.

[Redacted] was not lying... I worry for how much more we are going to discover bit by bit because of these aliens.

Agent Witwicky signing off.

Recording end.]

[veranavera]

Tldr; My next trans-pride flag post will jump numbers from my previous post from peak 44 to peak 53. No I didn't forget a post, no you didn't miss one, and no I didn't lose my phone this time - I just reorganized the list of mountains I'm doing

For those of you who are curious about the details:

I reworked the current list of peaks I'm climbing to be a list of 131 of the P1k peaks in the Northern Appalachians. Because of this, some peaks that I climbed this summer that were previously additional peaks are now main peaks. The reason for the change is that I need to focus my efforts and make the 131 a realistic goal for me in my life right now, which is limited by time constraints (working), geographic constraints (living only in the Upper Valley), and life plans (not wanting to spend too much more time in the Northeast (currently thinking about staying through next August or so)). What changed is that now the list is a list of 131 of the P1ks in the region (i.e. nor an exhaustive list), as opposed to the previous cutoff of 1240ft, which was an odd choice in retrospect. The current iteration of the list can be found here:

https://www.peakbagger.com/List.aspx?lid=-948013&cid=39805

That being said, I don't view the current iteration of the list as any easier than the last, I just view it as more realistic for me given that the next time I'm living in my van, I'll almost certainly go to another region and won't want linger in NY/NE for long. What this means is that I'll have a very limited time window after I'm done working to hike more in the Northeast. Meanwhile, while I'm working, I'm simply unwilling to consistently drive 6+ hours each weekend to go bag a peak in Maine or the Catskills that isn't that much more prominent than a peak in NH/VT. Make no mistake, I'm still going to be putting *a lot* of effort into these peaks - this change just makes it so that that effort is as focused and fruitful as it can be

The peaks that have been retroactively added to the main list that I've already done are:

6/131 - West Kill - July 14

20/131 - Bald - July 28

22/131 - Western - July 28

23/131 - Ragged - July 29

24/131 - Megunticook - July 29

**update 2024-04-16**

30/131 - Azure - August 7

**update over lmao**

40/131 - Sugarloaf - August 23

41/131 - Mars Hill - August 24

50/131 - Peak 2620 - October 28

The photos of these peaks I've already posted here, but if you want to see them, feel free to check out my google drive of photos:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1xlSe-BeaVVTCi7SD-xil3wXzDJ8zjHUs

Thanks for reading this far :P

[awkward-tension-art]

Remain By His Side Chp.8 Silent

Chp. 7 Chp.9

Leon has come home from training.

warnings: mutual pining, Leon needs a hug, Reader needs a hug, They both don't act on their feelings, self-loathing, grief, mourning, brief mention of dead sibling/family members

It was a year after Raccoon City's destruction. 

October 1st, 1999

Your medical school was having a candlelight vigil for the lives lost. The loss of 100,000 lives was a permanent scar on American history, and people would mourn on anniversary for years to come.

The president had resigned months ago after a disastrous press conference. Umbrella Corporation was being held liable for the city’s collapse. The trials were in the prep phase, and it’ll take years for victims to be given any sort of closure or payback.

Publicly, the US government had no part in the disaster. But seeing Leon and what you could gather from him…

The government had blood on its hands. Even more blood on its hand.

You looked down at the candle in your hands. Some people were talking quietly, but others remained in solemn silence. 

Through it, you thought of your brother. Your aunt. Your uncle. Sherry’s innocence.

And Leon. 

You didn’t know who to cry for. The grief was heavy in your chest and the loss was suffocating.

Someone stepped up next to you. In response, you looked up to give an acknowledging nod. However, you froze, eyes widening. 

“Hey,” Leon greeted with a whisper.

Your smile was warm and genuine, “Hey.”

Your heart soared. He was more built than you last saw him. His hair was longer. He also looked tired. So…so tired. 

“Missed you,” you murmured. Not wanting to be disruptive to those around you, you grabbed his arm and made your way past other mourners. Once you were a few paces away, your arms wrapped around him tightly. 

“Missed you too.” He said, wrapping one arm around you. In the other, he was holding your candle. 

Jesus, his chest felt like a brick wall. You pulled back and looked at him, keeping your small smile, “Want to stay the entire time or do you want to go home?” 

“Home sounds nice,” he shrugged, “Plus, I need to hold Mocha.” 

You snorted, “come on.” 

On the walk back to your car and the subsequent drive to your apartment, you filled Leon in on everything you didn’t include in your letters. He didn’t chime in much, only really listened. However, his eyes remained on his window, watching the world pass by. 

“How long are you here?” You asked him once the car was parked, “a week?” 

“I got a month.” he said, “Then I gotta go back to finish training.” 

“Well, yay.” you nodded, feeling elated that he was staying for much longer. 

Once back in your home, you were immediately with the loud and light meows of your cat. The calico was chirping and trilling as she rubbed her face on Leons leg. She was only pleased when he picked her up in his arms. 

“Missed you too,” He mumbled, petting behind her ear. 

You laughed, “Welcome home.”

“God, it's good to be back.” the former rookie took a deep breath. 

Leon looked weary. Despite only having training, he seemed battleworn. He’s aged way beyond his years. 

Trauma will do that to you… you thought.

You wanted to hold his face, let him know that you were there for him. You’ve accepted shortly after he left that your care for him was beyond just platonic or familial. They blossomed into affection. 

Even if Leon returned your feelings, there was no way a relationship would work under your lives right now.

you both were deeply hurt. Deeply traumatized.

Leon more so than you. 

No, he was in control. Whatever he wanted to do, you’d support him. You’d swallow your feelings, give him all the cards.

He deserved it. To have some semblance of control in his life.

Which is how the both of you ended up sitting on the balcony eating takeout and talking. Leon had just showered and you had a blanket draped over your shoulders. He was listening to you prattle on about some of your classes and research. After you were finished, he asked you one question. 

“Why?” 

“Hm?” You perked up, looking at him, “Why what?”

“Why do you want to do all…this?” He asked, “be a doctor and research?”

You hummed and looked up, “I want to help people.” You responded honestly. Maybe you were naive. Too optimistic. But it's what you wanted to do.

Little did you know you reminded Leon of him, before Raccoon City. before the pain, loss and grief.

He loved that part of you. As well as your smile. Your eyes. Your laugh. 

Leon loved you.

He thought of you, even during training. Even when Krauser beat the shit out of him. Even when the other soldiers gave him a hard time. 

But especially when the bullet wound in his shoulder would become irritated. The chronic pain would flare sometimes from the shot and he would imagine you soothing him and making him feel better. 

As you talked to him about everything he’s missed at training, he couldn’t help but look into your eyes. How they lit up as you chatted about your passion. 

Leon found himself like that the entire time you were on the balcony. His feelings were accompanied by a longing in his chest. A deep desire to hold you, kiss you and love you. 

He couldn’t. He was going to be a government weapon. His freedom was destroyed the moment the army found him and Sherry.

But you? You could be whatever you wanted to be. You had your freedom. Your optimism. Your hope for the future. 

Leon couldn’t take that away from you. He was already selfish enough by remaining in your life. By becoming a part of your family.

So he’d remain silent and keep his heart closed.

[leslie057]

9a + 9b please 🙏

hello! thank you for the lovely combo

prompt game posted here

9a + 9b = call me lover + but one is pouting

word count: 3.7k

It isn’t right that she’s sad today, even less right that she’s playing up the sad, and that in doing this she hopes to work guilt into every part of him, like water into clay, like honey into comb.

Given their extra-special circumstances, she knows she shouldn’t be anything more than mildly annoyed with him about his inability to pronounce girlfriend. And that has to be the issue, pronunciation, because why else would he shy away from such an innocent word? There’s no reasonable excuse. It’s an easy statement to make: look, my girlfriend’s here. He can do it, with the same ease that he labels everything else of his, he can do it. It’s my camera, my spatula, my turn to drive, my shirt not yours and you can’t have it…all his, until she’s involved. No, they don’t own each other. But sometimes you have to lay claim to things in life.

You just have to.

He paints houses. Every day in West Somerville he does, from nine to dinnertime. Watertown and Brookline, too. But mainly Somerville, especially Winter Hill. Interior, exterior, deck, door, and drywall. Expensive houses, cheap houses, new and old houses, houses with picket fences. It’s just what Emerson is looking for, a teenage boy who really knows his way around a…picket fence?

But the gap year thing is okay, and he’s still here with her as she navigates everything, even if he didn’t want to apply for college until it was way too late. He can apply for next year.

He moved away, far away just for her, no college waiting for him at the end of the journey, willing and able to be the slow tagalong Somerville boy to her busy Boston girl. And they get to live together. Harmony of opposites applies, as it always has. His loyalty means the world, and for what it’s worth, he is the best rated decorator Lovell Painting’s ever had. Very committed to the job.

But now Mr. Lovell doesn’t know she’s his harmonious opposite, doesn’t know she’s the girl he’s bringing home the bread to (not a lot of bread, but so much more than you’d expect someone to get for slinging paint) (then again, there’s probably no slinging involved, because Jonathan clearly believes there is an art to the task) (he has a weird way of leaning into unbeaten paths, finding purpose in hushed, forgettable places) (it’s lovable, is what it is, when she manages to push away the feeling that he’s missing out by not being in school).

No, Mr. Lovell doesn’t know who she is, because her boyfriend didn’t say. Couldn’t bring himself to say. Couldn’t bring himself to say the G word.

She’d asked Lauren from the student paper to take her to him after class. She missed him, plus she thought he shouldn’t be all alone on his way back home. He does plenty of lonely driving throughout the week. And since Lauren does everything for everyone, she actually said yes. Fifteen minutes later, Nancy was at a place she’d never been before. Here they were at the end of October, and she hadn’t been. She had no idea where her five star trades-boy turned in his paintbrush at the end of the day.

She’d wandered in, into the little white office that likely used to be a shed, all open windows and whirring box fans and latex fumes. On a stool, he filled out his timesheet. She gave him a hug around the neck from behind, avoiding the sensitive surface of his sunburned arms.

Made him jump, then made him relax.

“Sorry, I knew that would scare you. I’m not trespassing, am I?”

“No, you—no, not trespassing at all. What time is it?”

She tilted her head sideways and consulted her watch. “5:11,” she said. Tilted her head more, more, more, trying to kiss his jaw and its underside.

Hung over his shoulders like that, she took her first deep breath of the day. Tendrils of dried paint stretched across his shirt collar and sleeves, the kind of spiderweb splatters that don’t come out in the wash. She watched him jot down a couple light-handed notes in all capital letters. His name was everywhere on the page and highlighted in some instances, an indication of overtime work. She had felt weird then for being judgy—felt bad—thinking maybe there was a chance he was where he needed to be. Not school, right here. Humble, dependable, and first-rate.

Then Mr. Lovell came in.

And ruined everything.

“Jonathan, you heading out soon?”

“Oh, right now, actually. Turns out we can’t pick up anything until tomorrow morning. Like, anything at all, they said.”

“Yikes. Oh well, then.”

“Apparently our order got delayed because of the tight space rollers.”

“Hm. Tight space rollers, they never have them in, do they?”

“No, sir, never. They never ever have anything below a 6 inch.”

She stayed still, reading the room. Gauging the boss. Lovell didn’t seem to mind her or her public display of affection. He was a youngish man, son to the original Mr. Lovell of Lovell Painting, tall and nonchalant with the look of a relatable salesman.

“Hey. Jake Lovell,” he finally said to her. “Don’t think I’ve met you before, how’s it going?”

“Hey, good, thanks.” In the subsequent silence she waited. Waited for what was sure to come. Oh yeah, sorry, this is my girlfriend, Nancy. This is Nancy, we just moved in together. This is the girl I told you about, Nancy Wheeler. We’ve been dating for almost two years. She’s the best. Nancy is the best. Hey, guess what, my girlfriend Nancy once repainted her little sister’s dollhouse from top to bottom, think we should hire her next?

He kept his mouth shut.

“I’m Nancy,” she sighed.

“Oh, okay, you’re Nancy.”

Had he heard the name before? If he had, that must have been all he heard. His eyes were brimming with confusion.

“That’s me,” she said and untangled herself from her betrayer, the one she’d been draped over like some sleepy starfish.

Starfish didn’t want to cling anymore.

“She’s Nancy,” he’d mumbled while clearing off the desk.

The eldest in the room clocked the tension between them. “Well, you know it was nice to meet you, Nancy, but I’ve gotta get going. Be careful around the mess, you look very professional in those clothes.”

She slid her hands down the sides of her thighs, black slacks swishing above high heels.

“You look very…casual, Mr. Lovell. Guess we’ll see you later.”

And that was it.

And that was then. This is now: now, she is pouting. The most pathetic pouting session she's had to date. This is textbook manipulation pouting and then some, this is wallowing in the events of the afternoon like they involved theft, fraud, and murder.

Is she putting on a performance here? Yes, duh, of course she is. But is she down about what he said (and didn’t say) earlier? Also yes. That part is real. He did make her sad.

Yes.

Lucky for her, she’s got tricks in her bag.

Exactly four tricks, to be precise, for this type of situation. One, a shower—a shower taken earlier than usual. To get away and to get out of restrictive clothing (restrictive clothing doesn’t mix well with sadness). No more black slacks, no more newsgirl blouse. No jewelry either, it’s totally unnecessary. Unless…keep your necklace on, if you want, since that can be played with. Really you just have to remember that comfort is what works. Wet hair is what works. An XL shirt works, and peach soap works, and so does a frown, and so does a thick pair of socks, for whatever reason.

Two is a book. Not a short book, pick a long book. Flip to the beginning to read. Beginnings are hard to get through, and he knows it. He will empathize. Three, lack of light. The less light in the room, the better. Not only have you chosen to start a long book after 5pm without having even eaten dinner, you’ve chosen to do so without sufficient reading light. That’s true misery.

Four, the most important trick, is a bad record. Just awful. It needs to be scratched, it needs to skip. Needs to skip a lot. Your record should make other records worry about where they’ll be in ten years. Jonathan Byers doesn’t want this for you; if you are his favorite person, and listening to music is the best thing anyone can do, your tolerance of a broken record will rile him. You deserve better. He will want to compensate for all the hurt caused by your subpar listening experience.

“Nancy?” he says from the doorway.

“Mhm.”

“Good shower?”

“Sure. Good shower.”

“You beat me to it.”

It’s an understatement. Without a word, she had headed for the shower. Very first thing she did when they got to the apartment. She went to turn the water on, still wearing her shoes, and waited for it to get hot, and never once looked back.

She curls in on herself on the bed, avoiding his gaze. “Since when did you decide you have first dibs on everything?” she murmurs to her book. To Middlemarch.

“Uh, no, it's not that, I just meant that I’m…pretty paint-y, at the moment. You know?”

The response is delivered innocently, harmlessly, lightly, and she almost considers backing down, ditching the majority of her plan or maybe all of it. Almost considers, before deciding against. (She has to soldier on; his adorable use of a made-up word doesn’t fix a thing, now does it?)

“Right.”

“There’s so much primer on my hands, it’s the worst feeling in the world. It’s so bad. It’s like…it’s like if someone brushed plaster right onto my palm and then let it harden. Overnight.”

“Mhm.”

A break in the tense conversation comes and gives those background noise record screeches their moment to shine. Leaning on the doorframe, he winces.

“So,” she shifts her body until the blanket slips, “did you need something, or…”

Their eyes meet. His are sleepy–his are suddenly charged with doubt, two dark wells of worry.

“No, nothing, I don’t…it…it seems like you might be the one that needs something?”

She huffs. It seems like she needs something? For that she won’t go easy on him. A fake cry might cross her mind, if she were a psychopath, but fortunately for both of them she’s not. Sincere regret is already cocooning her, compacting itself with each passing minute, a dense shroud of claustrophobic ickiness. Not always as fun as you’d plan for: guilt tripping someone who’s hopelessly devoted. Really, how hard is it to have a mature conversation about the way you feel neglected in this one marginal area of the relationship, even though you’re well taken care of in all the others. Very hard, it turns out. Very very hard.

And besides, this is how the Jonathan and Nancy network operates. She uses her upset to make weird power moves. He lies about his upset altogether. The system is what it is.

“If you care so much, figure it out yourself.” It’s a feeble whisper, accessorized with the twitch of her bottom lip and an arbitrary sniffle. She flips over to the eighth page of Middlemarch. Pulls her blanket back up over her waist. The leftover scent of her body wash is strong, so strong, even in her own nose. It’s like peach sorbet and paint thinner had a baby in their bedroom.

“Nancy…”

His voice has that deconstructed softness in it, gentle yet desperate, which is highly familiar. He uses it constantly. That’s the trick in his bag, but she’s not quite sure he knows it’s a trick. Because of it, the whole stay-mad-at-him project isn’t gonna be smooth sailing. She swallows hard, necklace pendant between her fingers.

“Hey, what happened?” He steps closer to the bed and uncrosses his arms. “This isn’t…it isn’t about Lauren, right?”

Oh, wow. Okay. Clueless.

“Because you really do ask her for a lot of favors, and I know she’s always happy to do them, but just…maybe don’t make her drive out there again. Not when I’m literally clocking out.”

“Oh…” She closes her book and fixes her eyes on the window. That one actually does make her want to cry.

“No, don’t,” he pleads, “don’t do the sad oh thing. You’re gonna make me sad. You’re gonna break me.”

The sigh that escapes her is fully authentic in its lethargy. Her fingertips play over the pillow under her head and its silky case. “Sorry, it’s just that now you think I take advantage of Lauren and you don’t like to see me at work, so.”

“No, I love to see you, I had no idea you would come after class just for that. It was really nice.”

“Yeah, so nice—”

“Until you ignored me in the car, yes!”

Hugging her own waist, she draws up her knees. God, that record…it should be physically impossible for ABBA to ever sound bad but this is pushing it. How truly depressing.

She imagines that the invisible thread connecting his heart to hers is starting to fray at this point; those grating sounds in his ears, the mix of chemicals on his skin, the intentionally seductive nature of her pity party, the annoying flicker of the lamp in the corner (only thing the previous tenants left behind when they moved, the sole forgotten object). All of it must be torturing him.

He picks up her book off the mattress, leaves it in the windowsill to—sunbathe? Who knows, honestly.

"Look,” he says, “I think we might need to take a second before we get into this. Do you want me to leave you alone for a minute? Would that help, or no?”

Apprehensively he reaches down, down to touch her shoulder, sort of…petting her, a few times. What you’d do if you found a wild jaguar in your backyard, but it was a really sweet looking jaguar.

When she doesn’t bite, he bravely makes eye contact with her. “You just have to tell me what you want, that’s all I need.”

(Such a good boyfriend when he’s trying. Holy shit.)

Fearful that the affection wave will show on her face, she flips over, switching sides. “Want you to lay down,” she mumbles.

Well that wasn’t part of the plan.

She listens for his reaction. A deep breath in, a deep breath out. “I’m filthy, you do realize that.”

“We’ve gone to bed wearing monster blood…”

He shrugs his jacket off.

(So, the summer had been a violent ride. Summer of ‘86, filed away in her brain with the rest of her nightmare inventory forever. All’s said and done now. Maybe they’re finally safe. God, please.)

It takes them a sec to get settled, but he hems her in, wraps her up, holds her close without any further begging. It’s crazy satisfying. Plaster-rough hand curls around her ribs under her shirt, and his nose brushes her neck. Antsy, she shuffles her feet together, scrunched socks keeping her warm.

“You genuinely—”

“Smell so good?” she predicts.

“Yeah.”

“New soap.”

“Ten out of ten.”

“Well, you know, it’s not formaldehyde, but what is?”

“Give me some slack,” he murmurs, “not my fault all my passions involve chemicals.”

Painting houses is his passion now? Alright, good to know. It’s that, developing photos, and being so much of a dummy he forgets to introduce his girlfriend to his boss when they first meet.

Again: exactly the kind of boy Emerson is looking for.

A minute later he’s kissing her neck.

Yeah, not sure how that happened.

After taking his first few tastes, he quickly stops himself. “Wait, can I do this?” he wonders aloud.

“I’ll let you decide. Do you think you should be doing that?”

“I don’t know. On the one hand,” he places a soft kiss at the base of her throat, “I still haven’t figured out what’s going on with you.”

Her eyelids flutter. “And on the other?”

Mouth barely open, he drags the tip of his tongue across her collarbone in one slow slide. “On the other I think—”

She fails to repress a squeaky whimper, which makes him falter.

“…that doing this could maybe, just maybe, help me get information out of you.”

She’s lost her breath so fast. “Decisions, decisions,” she manages to get out.

Second option wins him over. Next he’s tangling up his hand in her wet hair, kissing her neck like there really is peach sorbet to be found in her pores. He hums while getting acclimated to the malleability of her damp skin, impossibly supple malleability, and lingers with his mouth at her pulse point before giving in and sucking on it, not hard enough to make a bruise, but enough to make blood rush to her head.

She grabs the back of his neck in an attempt to stay anchored and from there he surrenders, from there he lets her force the path that his lips map out on her. Chapped but sticky with spit, they part and purse on her jaw, softly massaging the bone.

“Please can we get you a new album soon,” he whispers, “this is painful.”

“Hm?”

“The record’s a disaster, throw it away.”

“Don’t tell me to throw my things away,” she slurs weakly.

Her thigh catches his hip, and she bucks a little, rocks a little. Nothing crazy, just dirty. She can’t help herself.

“Tell me what upset my girlfriend and I won’t say anything ever again for the rest of my life.”

-

There it is. Jesus, it’s what she wanted. See, there’s no pronunciation issue after all. Girlfriend. His girlfriend.

She goes perfectly still. He may not realize she’s all shook up inside, but he notices the outward change, that’s for sure.

Time to get into it.

She takes a moment to prepare herself. “Are you ready to listen?”

“I’ve been ready, Nance.”

“Okay. It wasn’t about Lauren,” she spills, “Lauren and I are fine. We didn’t have a fight, we’ve never had a fight, and after she dropped me off today she told me she likes the drive to Middlesex because the roads are so smooth and driving calms her down and she gets sick of being in Boston, and I promise I’m not lying when I tell you this, but she offered to take me again tomorrow, I swear to you she did.”

“Okay, I believe you—”

“Though now I’m thinking I don’t even want to take her up on the offer, because me being there was clearly an unwanted change that didn’t exactly mean anything to anyone, and if you seriously don’t know what made me switch up today I need you to ask yourself how you think my conversation with your manager made me feel earlier.”

“You’re upset because of…something Mr. Lovell said?”

He’s so lost.

“No, because of what you said.”

“And what did I say?”

“It’s what you didn’t say. Jonathan, you didn’t tell him who I was. You didn’t introduce me at all.”

“I’m—sorry, you…you introduced yourself, why would I need to—”

“He doesn’t know you’re dating me.”

“But he does? It’s kind of obvious, isn’t it? Without words?”

“No! Not without words. For all he knows I’m some random girl you met on the street, next thing you know he’ll be setting you up on dates with his niece and scheduling you to work Valentine’s Day. You’re supposed to be upfront about us and you never, ever are. Why aren’t you?”

His turn to pout now. He rests his head on her shoulder. “I don’t know? Sometimes it feels like…”

The gears in his brain go on and on, and his blush deepens. “Like fishing for attention.”

“Well that’s why I’m sad, you’re why I’m sad. You don’t want attention, so you don’t call me your girlfriend. Maybe once a month, if that. You don’t call me your girlfriend a lot and I love when you call me your girlfriend. There’s nothing unclear about a word like that."

“I…can do better, I didn’t know it was a big deal to you. That I say it more.”

“Duh, I don’t wanna feel invisible. I want you to talk about me.”

Her heart pounds with the energy of the moment, with surfacing reminders of how different they are. The silence expands around them, his breathing shallow. This is really the first time it’s dawning on him, the depth of her need for validation? Maybe she forgot that acknowledgment of their relationship outside their private bubble is not something he would go for without being asked. Maybe she forgot.

"So it’s not the word,” he says, “it’s telling people?”

“I like privacy, I do, but what’s between us needs to be something others can see. Something they don’t have to guess on.”

Yeah, keeping their peers guessing in high school was good. Low-key meant less harassment, fewer problems. Having said that, high school is gone forever.

He nods. “I get it. I'll get it, eventually. I’ll try.”

“Okay. Good. Thank you.”

Though the conflict isn’t totally resolved, it kind of feels resolved for tonight. At least that’s what her hormones want her to go with, shifting back and forth, this way and that, residing on the rockiest of tectonic plates that have been calibrated to him for longer than he knows. As strange as her first two months of college have been, as many messes as they’re making in their relationship, she has infinite confidence in the Jonathan and Nancy network. All things considered, this is the right time to be messy, they’ll have plenty of room to clean up the love when they’ve grown up. Fighting isn’t fun but…it feels amazing to know he’s in this with her, wading out to her in the swell of their mature immaturity, sticking up for young love even after their conflict resolution turns chaotic.

He loves her, and whenever she’s blue, he begs her to let him fix it. Neither of them rest easy until the blue gets painted over.

“Hey, girlfriend?”

She breathes out a laugh. “What?”

“Since we’re sharing…”

She tilts her head back, pushes her nose against his gently. “Careful, don’t say something you shouldn’t.”

“I really like it when you use your revenge soap against me. Very evil, but I like it.”

[pbandjesse]

I am so ridiculously sore today it's a risky shocking. If I move carefully it doesn't hurt so bad but if I move to fast it startles me I hurt so bad. I desperately want to go lay down now. We are on our way home and I'm hoping to finish writing fast so I can go to sleep. I am exhausted.

Today was actually pretty good even if I was hurting. I didn't sleep amazing but a lot of that was the soreness I'm sure. James had already left for work and I stayed in bed for a long time. I was both tired and sore and unhappy about it. But I thought I just had to push through it so I could go work on the house.

I'm getting spoiled with how nice and warm and comfortable the house is. I don't want to be in the apartment because it's a mess and it's freezing. When I leave our bedroom I just feel really stressed because everything is is disarray from packing.

So to get over there quicker I just focused I'm getting dressed. I would wear layers so I could just paint in my leggings and tank top. I pet Sweetp and grabbed a few bags from the studio and I headed out.

When I got to the house first thing I did was get the snow and ice off of the stairs. I fell once, I don't want to call again. It took some muscle but I got it done and started bringing things inside.

James had put a few totesbags of books in the car and it is always really surprising how heavy books are. But I did my best to just power through and for eveything inside.

Doing all that heavy lifting made me really hot and I stripped off the layers and got to work.

First thing I did was go through my beanie babies to figure out what months I was missing. April, October, November. So close to the complete set. After I finished that I headed upstairs.

It was good to see how the paint dries in the bathroom. And I jumped right in doing touchups and then rolling out over my brushwork so the texture carries through. And it was great. I had a podcast going and I was having a great time.

And once I was done I still had energy and decided to start taping out the bedroom. Going all around the windows and the baseboards. I was really pleased with myself. But then right before I finished I ran out of tape!! Rude! I ended up just stealing some tape from where I had mapped out the bed.

But then I got really disappointed with the blue I got. It came out way more teal in that room then I expected and I really didn't like it. I wanted a darker blue.

I thought I would still edge everything thought. The thought being that when I get the right paint it'll make the edges quicker be ause you won't have to go over white? I am not sure that actually makes sense but I didn't and it was fun. It made me feel productive.

Around 1230 I finished all the edges and cleaned up. And realized I had not eaten. I was going to target to get cat food and I thought it would be nice to go to value village so i decided on Glen Burnie.

It's only about 4 minutes longer to get there from the new place. I have discovered I have to drive downtown a lot more to get to the highway but it's fine. I'll get used to not using MLK for eveything. It will just take time.

I had to run back in the house when I forgot my cup but that was just fine. And then I was off. Starving but knowing food was no far away.

When I got to Taco Bell I got to hear all the drama around the ice in the parking lot. Apparently upper management didn't pay for the person who was supposed to cover the whole shopping center and so everywhere else was done but not their lot and they couldn't bring anyone else over and it was a whole thing. But they made my tacos good so we were fine and it took a while for the food to make me feel better but eventually I didn't feel so weak anymore.

I went over to value village next. As I was getting there mom called me by accident and we ended up having a really nice chat about the paint colors in the house and it was just nice hearing her voice. I looked at the books while we chatted and found another Dear America that I didn't have. It seems thicker then the others? Strange but I'm happy to have found one I didn't have. The only other one I found I already own. It was a good one too. About a girl who is kidnapped and writes the journal while kidnapped. But I do not need two of the same book.

After I got off the phone I had a few more good finds. A screen for the window. A little shelf shaped like a stair case. A self healing cutting board. Love those for the studio and my one is getting really warped. It will be lovely to have a new one.

I paid and headed down the street to target. This was where my body aches really made me suffer. I was only there for a few things. Cat food. Lemonade. Lotion. I used the last of the vanilla shea butter I have been using this month. But carrying the case of cat food without a cart (there were no carts at all??) Was really really hard on me. I held it but it really hurt my arms.

I was basically ready to be done but I realized I was really close to Home Depot. And I would want to get back into painting tomorrow without having to venture out into the world. So I sucked it up and went and got my paint. And this much darker navy blue is much closer to the original vision. The girl at the counter was nice and I liked that I got to see it shake the paint this time. The paint did spill on her though and I was very apologetic but she said it was just fine. I got a different brand this time too. So it will be interesting to compare.

One very last stop at the pet store for the dechlorination liquid I use for my fishtanks and this was when my tiredness but me so hard I didn't even go look at anh of the animals. I needed to go home.

I was about 20 minutes from home and I just kept telling myself in 30 minutes you will be in bed. And I swear that's all that got me home. I was feeling miserable. All my body pain hit me at once. My eyes were so tired. I was struggling.

But I made it home and got comfortable. I put some stuff away. And refilled my lotions for Disney. And then I laid down with sweetp. Who wouldn't stop licking my hands and face. Goofy. I did not sleep though. Instead just watching videos. Until James came home.

James was also exhausted. They had shoveled the parking lot at the museum and got blisters on their hands. And it was just a really long day for them. They looked so tired. But they washed their face and came and laid with me. We talked about our days and the evening plans. Which were for them to go get quarters for laundry and then we would go have dinner with the Fulwilers at 7.

And that's just what we did. While James was gone I got redressed and cut my cuticles. And when they got back we got ready to go.

And dinner was lovely. We went to a fancy Indian restaurant inside the Ambassador Hotel. James accidently took us in the apartment side and we had to get buzzed in which was pretty funny. But this place was absolutely beautiful. Great architecture and details and I had a lovely time.

Charlotte and Callie were there too and it was a really fun evening. Telling stories about travel. Talking about the house. Anne and Tucker are going to come by tomorrow afternoon to see it. I'm happy they are showing some amount of excitement because I didn't think they were excited at all and it made me a little sad. But they were more happy for us today and that felt good.

And it was just how to celebrate Anne's birthday. I gave her a January birthday bear and she said it was so cute and I'm glad I picked the hat one because she said she liked it better then the clown one so I did good. Amazing.

The food was nice and I ate a lot of naan. And I just really enjoyed the company. And they even brought Anne a little chocolate cake for her birthday at the end. Which we all shared.

Because once we got back to their house we had grasshopper pie. Which was much more cream jello consistency but I actually really liked that. There was a lot of sports talk and southern housewife in the 1950s discussion about the history of the chiffon pie. And it was fun even if I was still so tired.

We would leave there after 9. James told me I looked so cute but I swear I was waddling because moving my arms was hurting me. I will take an aspirin or something ASAP.

We are home now though and I am ready to take a shower and go to bed. I hope I can fall asleep quick. Tomorrow is a busy day.

The plan is to move more and paint and just continue the moving process. And I'm thrilled I am but I really need a good night's sleep.

So fi gets crossed. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[a-heart-thats-healing]

Wow. I went on a “one hour” date yesterday (Saturday, October 21st, 2023) at 5 PM that lasted until 4:22 AM 😅. She was everything that I would want in a partner. Extremely cute, attractive, wise, witty, and she’s good with the quick remarks.

I'm going to call her Songbird due to the fact that she loves singing. She is still on my mind this morning in bed. I’m missing church because I’m so tired after getting about 3-4 hours of sleep.

This woman was unbelievable. She’s Filipino and just an absolute dime. Same age as me and someone I would be dreaming of. Before getting to any of the enticing parts about the date, this woman was driving me wild. Dark hair, dark eyes, voluptuous, soft features, and looks to die for. Personality is right on par with mine. We match each other’s personality very, very well.

Let’s get to the date. On my way to the date, I turned around because I didn’t like my shirt. I got there at 3:30 PM because we semi-agreed to that time. I wrote to her to let her know I had gotten there, but she was still at a bridal shower. I figured that would happen, so I just sat in my car listening to videos. When she did arrive she yelled “HEY” to get my attention since I was waiting for her to come from the side I walked from. But goodness, did she look irresistible the moment that I saw her in her dress.

We just talked and talked and talked for hours outside of Starbucks in downtown [Redacted] where I’m from. I told her about myself, she told me about herself, I couldn’t shut up, but I was cohesive with my wording. We talked about so many different threads and had to return to the different topics multiple times. We ended up walking around the downtown area after Starbucks closed. She was being really cute talking about the random figurines in the window of the shops. There was a moment that we both saw a hippo figurine and she said "I respect hippos" and all I could say is "Yeah, me too" 😂.

At some point, we kept going along the sidewalk until we crossed the street. It must've been 7 PM at this point. I noticed as we crossed the street, there was a soap shop that I really liked, so I said we should stop inside. We took a picture with a Buddy the Elf cut out standing in the front of the store. Then she found some Christmas glasses and put them on. Of COURSE I had to take a picture. You know, just in case she ends up being The One so that I can tease her about the photo. At some point, I saw a "Boyfriend" scented soap bar, so I held it up to her nose and asked if it "smells like your future" 😂. She didn't get the joke until I showed her the name of the soap. I asked her about trying it out, but she said she was "sensitive."

After the fun talks we had in in the soap shop, we went out to talk on some chairs. I thought let's sit down on the rocking chairs, obvi, because who doesn't like getting their rocks off 😂. Instead, she recommended we sit on the two-person love seat. We ended up siting there for THREE hours just discussing some of the funniest things. At one point during that timeframe though, I had a feeling that now was the time that I should ask for a kiss. I struck up the courage and THEN... I bitched out and asked some other question that I can't remember like "do you think you'll want a boyfriend with the move?" or something along those lines. But! After she had laughed about it, I really mustered up the courage to ask her for a kiss. She looked SO bebwildered about it! Like, "Did he really just ask for consent to kiss me?"

After that kiss though, AY was it muy caliente. You could tell just by looking at us that there was a LOT of sexual tension in the air between us. We did behave, especially since we were out in public in a moderately sized city, but if you saw the kind of eye contact we had while speaking to each other after that kiss, you'd know the amount of desire that was there. We were pining for one another, getting closer and closer until we were essentially sitting close enough for a third person on our two-person love seat.

At some point, we decided it was too late to stay on the love seat any longer after sat for about 3+ hours there. I told her I had to take her to her car so that her father who was down here packing up her apartment wasn't worried. Changing locations did NOT affect us separating from one another lol. We got to my car and then I opened the car doors and moved the seats forward. I won't discuss it fully, but there was a lot of teasing and making out in the car to the point that the windows fogged up 🥵🥵🥵. We both agreed that we shouldn't have sex. As much as we both desired each other, we're both so happy that we didn't that night. There was more that transpired, but I won't discuss those things.

It was now about 2 AM and she had been texted/called by her parents multiple times. She was running out of things to say, so thought "Oh, tell your dad you'll get him tacos from Taco Bell!" Her dad wasn't upset or mad and instantly shot back a text for two tacos 😂. Google showed that there was a Taco Bell open until 4 AM. I had bought us some time and we... uh... got back to kissing and caressing each other 😅. Then, about 3:10 AM, I finally walked her to her car 15 feet away so that we could drive in our cars to the Taco Bell we found.

This was the CUTEST part of the night with her. I'm not sure what caused it, but she let's out "Love you, bye!" as I'm walking back to my vehicle. I'm in the car smiling, getting seated, and playing my "...and just like that, I'm in love" playlist on Amazon music. As soon as I roll down my window -- because I can't get enough interactions with her -- she says something about accidentally slipping that phrase into the conversation. I play it cool so that she doesn't feel embarrassed as I'm playing love songs in my car 😂.

I tell her to follow me to Taco Bell so we pull out of the parking lot from where we started our date eleven hours ago 😂. On the way there, I'm in bliss, car is blaring love music, my hand outside the window following the stream of air. All the sudden, my car's windshield gets a sudden splash of water from a broken sprinkler on the driver side and I'm wet since my window is down. Such a shock at that late hour. Finally, we get to Taco Bell and... IT'S CLOSED!! I was livid! So, I come out of my car to go to her window, and just like that, we're back to kissing ever so slowly. She still has to drive an hour back to her apartment. As we're trying to end the night, neither of us want to be the one to call it. We spend another hour kissing and pining for each other until it really is TOO late. She will have to drive until 5 AM to get home (without tacos for dad 😰). At some point, I tell her she really does need to go or else she will be in BIG trouble with the parents. I get in my car and the date is over. 12 hours in total just about.

If I had to say I wasn't smitten for the woman, I would be lying so hard a lie detector would look like it's detecting an earthquake! We've continued talking to one another and have thoroughly have enjoyed being in each other's text messages. I can't get enough of her and I hope the feeling is mutual.

[matou-u]

12/08/24

I have not felt so famished for anything as I have for the sun and the heat in this last month of Tasmanian winter.

A hunger deep in my blood and bones.

A yearning, a longing.

An innate craving that brings a rise of primal joy to all my cells once my skins warms enough that the goose bumps fall.

I see people in the summer sun of the northern hemisphere or in films, sweating inside the screen of my laptop. It makes me feel the deepest sense of loss. Grief in the layers of clothing on my body.

You’d think I’d truely been sent to the Arctic. No. No. I am just dreadfully dramatic experiencing something new. Last winter I spent half of the season in the snowfields, yet this seems to have a much sharper depth to the discomfort I feel. So foreign here.

WA gets cold in the winters, sure. I haven’t forgotten that. Though not relatively bad and it always seems as though for not too long. It feels strange with the travel I have done only nationally these past couple of years, that I spent my whole life in one place.

I feel much more conscious to life this year. Perhaps the sobriety or perhaps it’s just age. Maturing as you might hope to.

I’ve decided to come back to Perth in October or November. Things still remain gently up in the air. Gentle as clouds. Intangible but with expectation.

I have missed it you see. I can tell just how much with the nostalgia I have placed on the mundane parts of living in the state.

Driving north on the Kwinana freeway after a trip down south. The warm night air rolling in through the windows wound down. Slowly heading east and ending up on the Tonkin, winding a different route to the one I remember as a child but giving all the old exits just the same. Bright hot mornings, a call from one sister to another about who wants what coffee and if Ma already had one or not? Wondering if it’s warm enough for the beach still or if the dr was in?

I miss my family. I laugh out loud writing this. Of course that seems normal and only natural, but I spent a long while trying to lovingly separate my lives of ‘family’ and ‘me’ only to now wish to be close. I giggle at the thought of my Ma’s confused face at a plan she had made. Or my Pa’s cheeky chuckle at joke outdated or not even funny. I miss my the colloquialisms of my family. My sister adding “that there” where that shouldn’t be there. My other sister’s humour and my twins offence to affection and her giving into it too. I miss her dog with human like eyes.

I miss the parks, the trees, the beaches, the swan river winding through Bayswater and the benches we’d sit on, there at the dog park. I miss Maylands and even Midland. I miss Fremantle and Cottesloe. I miss Margaret River, Denmark, Albany all of it. I miss the Kimberly deeply.

I’m not sure how long I’ll last this time, but I can say I’m excited to see. I’m excited to go to Morley and wonder who I’ll spot this time, as I have 98% success rate of seeing someone I know there. I’m excited to see my best friend. To see old friends, to consider new friends. I’m excited to take my Pa to the Movies and my Ma to the park. To drive down Beaufort and shake my head like a stubborn old woman at how the place is changing, yet somehow my ex’s tags are STILL there. To go have a look at my old apartment and remind my family who haven’t forgotten, that I really did used to live there.

I’m excited to drive through the city and through suburbs and think about all the houses I’ve lived in. I’m excited to see which one I’ll live in next.

I’m eternally grateful to have a place to love. To find home wherever my place my head. To have the freedom of autonomy over my path and the courage to pursue it. I am grateful that regardless of time, I’ll always think of home on the west coast. I’ll think of it fondly.

[aneetasingh]

Gets Holiday India Tour offers a car tour of Delhi for the same day.

With the Delhi Same Day Tour by Car from Gets Holiday India Tour, take a fascinating tour in the center of India's city. This extensive tour is intended to provide guests with a comfortable private vehicle while seeing Delhi's rich tapestry of history, culture, and architecture. This tour promises an exciting journey of one of the world's most vibrant cities, complete with bustling marketplaces and ancient landmarks.

Overview of the Same-Day Tour of Delhi

Delhi, a city that skillfully combines the old and the new, has a diverse range of attractions. Discovering this diversity is made easy with the Delhi Same Day Tour by Car, which offers a customized itinerary that takes in the most famous sites in the city.

Starting Your Adventure in Delhi

Route and Departure

Convenient collection from your hotel or from a prearranged meeting place starts your day. The itinerary has been thoughtfully designed to make the most of your time and take in a variety of sights, including the calm Lotus Temple and the historically significant Red Fort.

Examining the Diverse History of Delhi

Monuments from History

The journey provides a window into Delhi's colorful past with stops at UNESCO World Heritage Sites like Humayun's Tomb and Qutub Minar. Every monument has a distinct tale that your experienced guide will bring to life.

Cultural Encounters

Explore places like the Jama Masjid, one of India's largest mosques, and stroll through Chandni Chowk, a lively market that provides a variety of traditional items and delicacies, to witness Delhi's cultural diversity in action.

Contemporary Marvels

Not to be missed, the trip also highlights the city's advancement into the twenty-first century by highlighting stunning examples of contemporary architecture like the India Gate and the Lotus Temple.

Individualized Coziness

Adaptable Schedule

The Delhi Same Day Tour by Car has the benefit of an itinerary that may be customized suit your preferences. Regardless of your interests—history buff, foodie, or architecture aficionado—Gets Holiday India Tour will customize the trip to suit your needs.

Comfortable Journeying

In addition to being convenient, driving a car gives you the freedom to see the sights at your own speed and air-conditioned comfort, which may be a welcome diversion from Delhi's busy streets and unpredictable weather.

Advice for Vacationers

What to Pack

Bring along a camera to record the moments and sunscreen for a fun-filled day of exploring. It's also advised to bring water and snacks so you can keep hydrated and alert during the tour.

Ideal Time to Go

Although the tour is offered all year round, the best weather for sightseeing occurs in the cooler months of October through March.

Reservations through Gets Holiday India Tour

Selecting Gets Holiday India Tour for your car tour of Delhi on the same day ensures a smooth and enriching trip, complete with professional guides and individualized attention to make your tour of the city's highlights unforgettable.

In summary

For those who want to fully immerse themselves in the dynamic culture, rich history, and stunning architecture of India's capital, the Delhi Same Day Tour by Car is a great option. With the comfort of driving and the knowledge of Gets Holiday India Tour, your tour of Delhi's attractions will be amazing.

FAQs

What is the duration of the car-based Delhi Same Day Tour? Which major attractions are part of the tour? During the tour, is it possible to opt for vegetarian or special diet meals? How should I make my tour reservations? Is the excursion suitable for big families or groups? With Gets Holiday India Tour, explore the delights of Delhi, where every trip is an exciting adventure just waiting to happen.

Click here to get access now: https://getsholidayindiatour.com/delhi-day-tour/

Delhi Same Day Tour By Car

Overview

 Skip The Line

 Duration: 01 Day

 Free cancellation

 Instant Confirmation

 Private Tour

Delhi is the capital of India. It has a long history and has been an important political center of India as the capital of several empires. Delhi is a mixture of two cities Old & New Delhi. The Delhi city tour is a rich amalgam of Mughal Ambitions & New Delhi is spending with the creations of Edwin Lutyens & The British Raj. If you want to explore the beauty of Delhi on same day then you can visit Delhi Same Day Tour By Car. Book Delhi Same Day Tour By Car & Get instant benefits.

Itinerary

08:00 hrs - Raj Ghat

09:00 hrs - Qutub Minar

What's Included

Inclusions

Air conditioned chauffeur driven private car

Pick up and Drop

Story teller tour guide

All toll taxes, parking fee, camera fee

Lunch at a restaurant

Monument tickets

Exclusions

Gratuties

Any sort of drinks

personal expenses

[copper-russell]

don't you give me up || self-para

Set 10th November 2005 TW: death of a parent, descriptions of blood and gore note: i was gonna do this for the october task and then realised it has to be a swynlake ghost but i had written like half of it soo have it anyway ty

Malcolm awoke, blinking quickly, bewildered to find himself not in his bed, but standing in the hallway. The house was in complete darkness, deathly silent, only the ticking of the clock on the hallway wall interrupting the quiet. He glanced up at it; 3:47. Jesus -- he must've fallen asleep on his way in from work. He did that a lot. Well - he had never fallen asleep standing up in the hallway before, but he had driven home after a nightshift, going through the motions, getting home and realising he couldn't remember any of the drive a hundred times before. Must be something like that, he supposed.

He knew he should take his boots off, that Arushi would kill him if he left muddy footprints all over the house, but he didn't. Something felt more pressing. Usually at the end of the night shift he'd make himself a cup of tea, re-heat whatever left-overs were in the fridge from the evening meal he'd missed, and watch whatever re-run happened to be on at 5am on a Thursday morning. If his wife was on the early shift, he'd make her breakfast and take it up to her; otherwise he would head upstairs and crawl into bed, inevitably waking her up when the mattress dipped and he pressed his cold hands against the bed-warm skin of her back, just to make her grumble.

But this morning felt different. He felt like he had to go right upstairs. Probably the tiredness, but he just felt the need to check. Just to look in on them both. Just for a few minutes, then he'd get back to his routine.

He came to his and Arushi's bedroom first, standing in the wide-open doorway. They always left the door right open, ever since Krish had gone through that phase of having night terrors. Countless nights they'd had to spring up out of bed in the wee hours and run to his room to console him. It had been years since that had happened, with only the odd nightmare in between, but they still didn't want to risk it.

Arushi was still fast asleep, her dark hair a wild mess across his pillow, even though she religiously slept on her side of the bed (unlike her husband, who was happy to sleep slap bang in the middle of the bed whenever his wife had the night shift). She was lying on her side, facing away from him, but he could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest, the deep breaths of a good sleep.

He moved silently along the corridor, a miracle given that he was still wearing the steel capped boots and his vest, until he had stopped at Krish's room. The door was only slightly ajar, so that his mother could do the dishes or watch the television downstairs without disturbing him, and Malcolm hovered by it, not wanting to open the door and risk waking him. He could see him anyways, a gangly mess of arms and legs and floppy hair. He had shot up overnight a few months ago, and he still didn't seem to know what to do with his limbs. He was comfortable, at least. He twitched, reminding Malcolm of the dog they'd had when he was a kid, that had ran whole marathons and barked in its sleep. He chuckled softly, backing away from the door.

A shadow caught the corner of his eye; he wasn't alone.

"Danny -- mate, what are you doing here?"

PC Daniel Daily was stood in the hallway, in his tactical kit and his boots, same as Malcolm. They'd been out together tonight, as they often were. Danny was little more than an over-grown toddler, 22 and out of training only a year. Malcolm had more experience, so they'd stick them together on shifts. Danny was a good lad - a good bit of banter on him, but good at the job. Dedicated.

Terrified. That was how he looked, standing with nothing but the moonlight coming in through the window at the top of the stairs to light him. He looked terrified.

"We have to go." Danny said.

"What?" Malcolm asked. "Shift's over, mate. We don't have to go anywhere."

Danny's lip trembled. "We aren't meant to be here."

"Well I know you're not, you plonker," Malcolm laughed. "You're meant to be at home. Your Cheryl'll be worried sick, you know what she's like."

Danny shook his head, looking at the floor. "We aren't meant to be here, Mick."

He looked up and Malcolm recoiled, bile rising in his throat. Danny's face was streaked with blood, and the left side of his face was just -- gone. No, not gone; caved in, the spot where his eye should be just blotch of red, looking black in the darkness of the hallway. He swayed, and Malcolm saw flashes of sharp white bone, fragments caught in the mess that had once been his face.

"Danny--" He choked, tasting copper on his tongue. Blood welled in his mouth. His chest felt warm, the warmth spreading, and he tried to get out of his vest but he couldn't. He couldn't get it off, as though it were a part of him, the equvialent to trying to pull his skin away. He looked down and his hands were stained red-black-- his hand. The other was a jumble of what might have been fingers, once. The tip of his index pointed one way, his pinky finger the other, the rest a stump of gore and ligament. He coughed, and the blood sputtered out of his mouth--

The road had been quiet, on the outskirts of the city, a residential area where the homeowners knew better than to be out at silly o'clock. They were sat in the car, each with a cheap coffee, the steam from the carboard cups fogging up the edges of the windscreen, when the radio crackled. 10-55 on Archer's Lane, suspects going at an unknown speed, reported hit and run, silver car. All available units please assist.

10-55, Danny had said. DUI?

Suspected, Malcolm had replied, coffee already abandoned, putting the car in first. But yeah. We're only a few streets out, we'll head over.

They'd been the first unit to scene, and unbelievably, the car had stopped. They'd pulled in front and parked up, getting out of the squad car. Malcom had used the radio on his vest to make dispatch aware. Dispatch be advised, car has stopped. Silver volvo, registration SB--

That was as far as he got. The car lurched forward, hitting Danny, the sickening crunch as it ran over him the only thing Malcolm registered before he saw the car start to reverse. He had no weapon, nothing to defend himself. And yet still he ran towards the car, trying to get to the driver, to open the door, to do something. He reached for the radio again as the car began to move forwards--

Dispatch, additional units and ambulance, officer do--

Red and blue flashing lights, but no sirens. Danny was lit red and blue and back again, highlighting the viscera of his broken face. Malcolm coughed again, felt the crunch of his ribs, cracked and snapped beyond repair. Felt the pressure of the tires as they had rolled over his chest.

He closed his eyes, squeezed them tight shut. When he opened them again, the taste of blood was gone. Danny looked himself. Scared, just a boy, but no longer disfigured. "We have to go." Danny said again. "This place isn't for us anymore."

Malcom turned towards Krish's door again. He tried to push it open, but his hand went straight through. Krish was still sleeping, his room thankfully at the back of the house, so the lights didn't wake him. He was ten. They'd taken him to the zoo for his birthday. Malcom was supposed to be taking him to Whitby at the weekend, to go rockpooling.

Three knocks at the front door. When Malcom turned around, Danny was gone. Arushi groaned from her room. She was still shrugging into her dressing gown, trying to tie it around her waist as she left. She paused in the hallway, staring blankly out the window.

"No." She murmured. She abandoned the dressing gown, racing down the stairs. Malcolm followed her, reaching out for her hand as it skirted down the bannister, but he couldn't reach her, no matter how close he got. She swore as she fiddled with the keys, fumbling them in her haste, trying to find the right ones. When she finally opened the door, she heaved a sob. Sargeant Mills was stood on the doorstep, his hat in his hands.

"Can I come in, Mrs. Russell?"

Malcolm turned; Krish was crouched at the top of the staircase, looking down, his dark eyes wide. He always looked like that - his eyes wide open, wondering, so full of questions. Malcolm didn't have the answers half of the time, but he had never discouraged it, that curiosity his son had.

He tried to head towards the stairs, but his legs felt numb. The warmth returned to his chest, the blood in the back of his throat. He couldn't speak; his throat felt tight. He remembered Danny, standing in the hallway.

This place isn't for us anymore.

His time was up. His family would be okay. He had to believe that, for whatever came next. Malcolm closed his eyes, and let the blackness wash over him.

[mightyflamethrower]

October 3, 2023

Entire fleet of Jackson’s rechargeable buses out of commission, public transit service falls back on the ever-reliable diesel engine

By Olivia Murray

Underneath the foreseeable fiasco is a scandal that views like a Solyndra rerun, and a grotesquely wasteful government—and as if Solyndra-esque plotlines and a federal government taking our hard earned money to prop up both parties on either end of a business deal from which a vast majority of the country does not benefit weren’t realities obscene and condemning enough, the latest act in the unfolding rechargeable vehicle drama of Jackson’s START system now can add a 100% failure rate of the product to the list. Cowboy State Daily’s Kevin Killough penned an article last week covering the news:

The Southern Teton Area Rapid Transit (START) system, a joint operation between Jackson and Teton County, bought eight electric buses to complement its fleet of 31. But none of the electric buses are running, and so the town’s transit system is relying on its diesel fleet. Last month, the electric bus manufacturer that supplied START, California-based Proterra, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The Jackson Hole News & Guide reports that the last of the electric buses went out of service two months ago, and some of the broken buses have been awaiting parts for months. START Director Bruce Abel told Cowboy State Daily that the agency still isn’t sure when those parts will come or when its electric fleet will be running again.

What should serve as egg on the face for the dopes behind this scheme is it’s not like the “100% failure rate” comment is a crafty attempt to manipulate an anti-E.V. narrative, like it would be if the “fleet” were only comprised of one bus; but this fleet is eight buses, all of which we can reasonably expect will never run again, given Proterra’s recent bankruptcy. Second of all, the Jackson Hole locale? What an asinine “investment” given the frigid temperatures that prohibit the proper function of rechargeable vehicles for a large part of the year.

Per Killough, a local resident who once sat on the county governing board said of the giant boondoggle from reliable diesel, to rechargeable electric, then back to diesel was that, and I know you’re going to have a hard time believing this (not), but, it was the manifestation of naive leftists who threw pragmatism out the window:

Paul Vogelheim … told Cowboy State Daily that 15 years ago, he and other residents of the area wanted to improve the county road system to make traffic flow smoothly across the Snake River.  Then, the idea of electric buses became some ‘noise’ along the way, he said, and the road improvements they wanted never materialized. He said it was difficult to move forward with road projects in a community with a strong voice of ‘not in my backyard.’ … Instead, a majority wanted driving to remain inconvenient in hopes that people would ride more bikes and take public transit, Vogelheim said, adding, ‘That’s not very practical.’ He said with a good supply of natural gas available, the transit system should have looked into natural gas vehicles. ‘We missed the boat there with our electric bus purchases, and obviously a bad choice of vendor,’ Vogelheim said.

What’s crazy is that this foreseeable fiasco arguably isn’t the most scandalous layer. About two months ago my colleague Monica Showalter authored a blog covering the company’s meteoric rise and subsequent bankruptcy, leaving the taxpayers with the debt—smelled like Solyndra—as well as the double-doling of our money, lining the pockets of both Proterra (at least $8 billion) and the purchasers, like Jackson, via federal grants.

But then, get this. As Killough also reported:

According to the News & Guide, the eight buses in its fleet cost $2.3 million, 80% of which was covered by a Federal Transit Administration (FTA) grant in 2019. Between 2020 and 2021, similar grants provided another $2.6 million, and START plans to spend $3.3 million for four more electric buses. This time another company other than Proterra will be filling the order, and delivery is years away.

Arrested development leftists beget grotesque waste, and we all have to live with the consequences.