#it’s OK to say ‘i don’t like this cuz this decision upset me’ or ‘the vibes were off’

[queer-reader-07]

queer characters are allowed to die in media. and it isn’t inherently A Problem or homophobic when they do.

i understand that it hurts seeing queer people die in shows and books and movies, especially if you’re queer and you saw yourself in those characters.

but the thing is, if you want better queer rep in media you have to be ok with queer characters being treated the same way cishet characters are treated. and that means letting them die sometimes.

Bury Your Gays is a problem, I’m not going to pretend like it’s not. but Bury Your Gays isn’t synonymous with every death of a queer character that happens. you’re allowed to be hurt and devastated by a character death, but i don’t think it’s fair to act like that character death is part of some wider issue just because that character is part of a minority group.

not every queer story is sunshine and rainbows with a happily ever after. some queer stories are violent, some are devastating, and people die in some of them. and that is OK.

if we act like queer people can’t die in media we’re contributing to the othering of our community. it’s saying “queer people are this special group you can’t ever do a bad thing to in media because if you do it’s homophobic.” which is not a true statement.

we can’t act like every death of a queer character is homophobic or has capital I Implications about the writer’s opinions on queer people. if we keep pushing that specific narrative queer stories are going to be stifled. writers need to be able to tell the stories they want, even if that includes a queer person dying. and acting like they can’t is doing more harm than good.

you can dislike a writer’s decision, you can stop watching a show because of that decision. that is OK. but you don’t get to go around saying the writer is homophobic because they did something you didn’t like to a character you loved.

[vellichorsdesire]

embarrassing kind of BUT i’ve scheduled like a date with f/o for like the first time ever because i keep on putting it off and i’ve been a little stressed this week so it’s a nice reward….!!! might draw something for the occasion and i might just schedule these kind of dates more often because it kind of feels really nice to do

[oofmybad]

I want someone to choose me

Synopsis: You are surprised to read an upsetting update from a university you’ve applied to. You text Billie, your best friend, giving her the news, and she comes over to cheer you up. But her visit leads to a bit of an argument since you’re feeling sensitive. The whirlwind of heightened emotions causes you both to admit things you haven’t before.

 

Warnings: angst (happy ending though), fluff, friends to lovers, billie x fem!reader, use of y/n, light arguing, crying, reference to rejection issues (?), low self worth (?), razor mentioned (only in reference to shaving), swearing. Pls lmk if I missed any!

 

Word count: 3k

 

a/n: a lil angsty one today cuz I just lived the plot (w/o the happy ending lol). Not proofread, sorry in advance !

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

You’re sat on the edge of the bed, peering out of the window while you wait to come to, having freshly woken up. It’s 1:30 in the afternoon, but you’ve recently returned from a trip, so you’re still acclimatizing to the 8-hour time difference. Despite it being the middle of the day, the sky is painted a bland grey. The skyline bleeds into the cement lining the road outside. As you turn your head to observe your surroundings, you remember that you’ve yet to unpack the olive-green hard-shell suitcase perched at the end of your bed frame. Begrudgingly, you press your palms to the mattress and peel your thighs up from the bed so that you can start on the task at hand.

 

The suitcase now lies open like a book on your dark hardwood floor, letting you pull out garment by garment whilst you vibe along to Bruno Mars’ Unorthodox Jukebox. You recently rediscovered the album, fondly recollecting your 8-year-old memories. This was the first CD you ever bought. A small chuckle escapes your lips at the memory of getting in trouble at school for singing the lyrics ‘Gorilla,’ unaware at the time of what they meant. Once the rest of the album has played, your suitcase is fully unpacked and rolled back into your hallway closet where it lives.

 

Checking your phone for any notifications, you notice that an email has come through from the USC Graduate School. Immediately, your heart sinks as you’re jumpscared with the reminder of those three applications you sent in a few months ago. You’re pretty good at forgetting the big things that should be weighing heavy on your chest. The anxiety just gets too much so your brain blocks it out. But no more ignorance, the weight of the world has dropped on your shoulders in a matter of seconds. You gingerly lower yourself back onto your bed, before your blood pressure can shoot any higher, and tuck your legs into crisscross applesauce. To your left, your two emotional support teddy bears sit looking back at you, so you tuck them into the crevice between your folded legs and cling on to them. Opening your laptop in front of you, you load Outlook and click on the email that leads you to a link titled “Decision status”. Teeth chattering and hands shaking, you click on the link and wait for the portal to buffer.  Inputting your email and password, you quickly close your eyes before you can be bombarded with something you’re not ready to see yet. “It’s probably going to be a no. Just statistically, it’s very unlikely you’ll get in. You’re going to feel hurt, but it will be ok” you tell yourself as you let out a measured breath through pursed lips. But a wave of fear courses through you anyway, “I can’t look yet. I don’t want my day to be ruined” you think. “Fuck it, there’s nothing I can do about it now.” You say, a newfound sense of gumption pumping you up as your eyes shoot back open.

 

Before you can back out, you mindlessly click on a document titled ‘Decision Letter’ in bold letters. Skimming past the useless pleasantries in the first couple of lines, your eyes trace the document, searching for the words “We regret to inform you…” As though you’ve willed them onto the page, those exact words appear before you. Immediately as your brain processes what you’ve read, you snap your eyes away from the screen towards the ceiling. “Fuck. I knew it” you say, dejected and emotionless. Unsure of what to do next, you open your messages on your phone so you can tell the only person who knows you even applied about this pathetic advancement.

 

 

You:

usc said no :(

pls don’t tell anyone

bil:

oh, my love. i’m sorry

r u on ur own?

You:

yeah

 

You can see that Billie has read your message, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s not even typing. A drawn-out huff escapes your mouth as you throw your phone away from you - it lands with a bounce on the bed. Weirdly enough, you don’t feel much other than a feeling foolish for thinking you had a chance in the first place. There goes $135 that you’ll never get back, you think. “What a waste” you mutter.

 

To prevent any other emotions from creeping in, you pull yourself up onto your feet and grab your speaker. You go to Spotify and scroll until you find your ‘gifted kid to academic burnout pipeline’ playlist. You’ve been in this position before, evidently. You trod over to the bathroom next to your bedroom and turn on the shower so it can heat up. You undress yourself from the hoodie and boxers you slept in when you realize that you had on your old department hoodie from your undergraduate degree – the disproportionately large, blown out logo taunting you. You scoff in irony at the inanimate piece of cloth now discarded on the floor and say, “fuck my life!” exacerbated. You wish you could go back to those days in college; they were your best ones. Since you graduated last July, you’ve been dealing with a feeling of mourning for your time at college.

 

Shaking away the memories, you step up and into the tub as the piping hot water falling from the showerhead engulfs your body in a searing hug. The water droplets piercing your back like needles due to the water pressure. Tracks like ‘this is me trying’, ‘Cellophane’, and ‘From the Dining Table’ are the soundtrack to your self-pity shower. After you clean and exfoliate your body, you decide to shave your legs solely so you have something else to continue occupying your mind. As you shave your second thigh, the melancholic acoustic guitar from ‘Scott Street’ clings to every water droplet sitting in the room’s atmosphere.  Without a chance to brace yourself, the overwhelming feeling of shame consumes your mind and travels down your body with each stroke of the razor. Your body tingles and your eyes burn, tears now pricking at their waterline. It’s indistinguishable to you if tears are actually falling because your entire body is covered in warm water – you assume a few must have slipped down, though. Phoebe has now reached the second verse, where she sings about ‘getting a degree’ and solemnly asks, “Do you feel ashamed?” You could’ve sworn she was talking directly to you, so you send her an infuriated response, “FUCK YOU, PHOEBE BRIDGERS!” as you heave with disappointment [a/n: pls someone get the reference].

 

You’re sure this is a good point to get out of the shower before things get worse, so you do precisely that. Once you’re dry, you brush your teeth, do your skincare routine, and moisturize your whole body – making sure to lather on an extra layer of coconut oil to your freshly shaven legs. Your tacky skin is quick to pick up the crisp, fresh air and send a chill through your body, so you put on a pair of boxers under some short sweatshorts and an apricot-colored cami top – not bothering with a bra since you’ve retired the day to bed rotting. However, this plan comes unravelled not a moment later when you hear a polite, cautious knock on your front door and keys jangling in the doorknob. You walk down the hallway to meet your guest, having realized that it must be Billie – she’s the only one with a key.

 

“Hi, pretty girl. Come here” she says in a knowing tone, opening her arms for you to be comforted. You push out your bottom lip in a pout and dip your head as you tread forward to melt into her embrace. “I’m sorry” Billie says into your neck, her arms muffling the words. “Ugggh” you mumble – some sort of half-assed response. Unhooking your arms around her waist, you lean back to notice a large, square-ish cotton tote bag filled with food sat next to her feet. “What’s that?” you ask, pointing with your eyes. “Just some stuff to cheer you up” she says. All you give her is silence and a blank stare in response. “Welllll… hopefully…? at least?” Billie tries again, making an ‘eek’ face. “Thank you for being so sweet” you say and give her a grateful smile – a happy pout pulling on your lips. “Anything and everything for you, y/n”. “Ok, shut up now…” you giggle and grab the bag to take to the kitchen “or you’re gonna make me cry again” you joke back. “You were crying?! Why didn’t you text me?!” Billie asks, following you through the house. “I had already texted you what had happened” you shrug. “Plus, it happened in the shower, so I couldn’t exactly go on my phone” you explain very matter-of-factly. “I’m here now, my love. I’m sorry you were alone when you found out. Have you heard from the other ones yet? Where else did you apply to again?” Billie sends a list of questions your way. You tackle the list one by one as you put the snacks away in their appropriate spots. “Eh, it’s ok; I live alone, so it was probably gonna happen that way. I haven’t heard from the other two schools, but I’m not holding out hope because that’s asking to get hurt again. And I applied to UCSB and UCLA, too” you say. “Girl, don’t say that shit! You’re gonna manifest bad luck” she argues with you. “Billie, be realistic…” you tilt your head and give her a ‘bffr’ face. “…Even if we ignore that I have terrible luck, it’s just not very likely I’ll get in to any schools, like, statistically.”  Billie now raises her voice saying, “Fuck statistics. And fuck outta my face with ‘I have such bad luck’!” – her left hand flailing in front of her. You can tell Billie is starting to get oddly heated over the matter, which confuses you a little, but you brush it off figuring she’s just an overly supportive friend.

 

“I do have bad luck! The things I love never choose me back!” you say as your voice breaks, betraying your ‘whatever, I don’t care’ front. You now sound incredibly husk while you attempt to get out the rest of your statement the way you’d like.  “All I’ve ever experienced is unrequited love… from every angle” pausing to angrily wipe two fiery tears before they can burn a trail on your face. Billie’s expression contorts to one of concern or maybe tenderness and she reaches out to grasp your shoulder comfortingly. But you shrug your shoulder up and back out of her reach and snap “don’t” putting a hand up between your bodies. “Hey, y/n, talk to me” she breathes out “I feel like I’m missing something”. Billie tries to coax your resistant demeanour away. You decide to follow suit, not having enough strength to resist.

 

“I’m sick of not being chosen. Everything and everyone I choose never chooses me back. It hurts to give your everything to something for nothing in return.  Every time”. You pull out your fingers one by one like you’re counting down a list as you say, “My parents don’t choose me! These fucking schools don’t choose me! I’ve only let myself fall in love once, and I’m sure as hell not their choice either!” At this point, your tears are freely cascading down your cheeks and snaking around your chin. Each tear lands on your exposed chest, just above your tank top’s low neckline. “I’m sick of it! I’m fed up now! Clearly, I’m the common denominator here but I can’t fix it because I’m stuck being me. I can’t be someone else even if I tried, and believe me, I’ve tried!” “Y/n, stop. You need to stop. You’re working yourself up now” Billie says with a firm grip on your upper arms. She lowers one of her hands to grab yours so she can press it to her heart – a gentle attempt to ground you. “Not all of your love is unrequited; it’s just your mind telling you that. People do love you… more than you could ever know. You just can’t see it right now” she says softly. You groan in frustration, “Of course you’d say that, everybody loves you… more than you’ll ever know. But I’m not you, Billie. Most people aren’t adored like you are”. “You don’t know what you’re saying, y/n. Please take that back” Billie responds, hurt evident in her voice. “No!” you exclaim “I mean it. People you haven’t even met love you, while I’m over here begging for people to love me! Everybody is in love with you”. Billie scoffs at that, “Yeah…” she looks down “Everyone is in love with me. Everyone but one” she sighs. “What the fuck is that supposed to even mean, Billie?!” you raise your voice, getting unfairly pissed off at her audacity. “Jesus Christ!” Billie drags her hands down her face, getting more and more frustrated at your obliviousness. “For fuck sake! You! Are you happy now? You! I love YOU! And all you seem to do is pay it no mind!”

 

You stand across from Billie with an absent expression on your face. Soon, though, a smile creeps up, joined by a bout of laughter. “What the fuck are you laughing at?!” Bille questions. “I’m laughing because you’ve just proven my point. Everybody does love you… I love you” you say. “What?” she asks. You reach out to softly hold Billie’s cheeks in your hands, “I love you Billie. In every way.” You can’t contain the wild grin begging to come out any longer. Billie looks taken aback, confused like a lost puppy. “More than a friend?” she questions you. “Yes dipshit, more than a friend” you say through your bitten lip, another laugh scraping past. As you continue to look at Billie, your eyes flicking back and forth. Left and right between hers, you can see the cogs beginning to turn in her head. She opens her mouth and voice hitches – like she is trying to arrange her next words in precisely the right way. “But for years you’ve said you only loved someone once, and they didn’t love you back?” she questions. “Good God! You’re hopeless!” you laugh in her face “I was talking about you, Billie. I’ve loved you for years, I thought you caught on and were ignoring it because you didn’t love me back, so I never admitted it myself” you say still anxiously biting the corner of your bottom lip.

 

“How could I NOT love you?” Billie says in a cheeky tone as she firmly puts her hands on your waist, her usual confident persona starting to return. The rings adorning her fingers are strikingly cold and pressing against the small sliver of bare skin that peeks out between the hem of your top and the waistband of your shorts. You move your eyes away from Billie and to the right, feeling flustered at her flirting, “Well… I suppose because nobody has before” you lazily shrug and pull your eyes back to meet hers. Billie laughs at this, the whole idea seeming utterly preposterous to her. “That you know of” Billie retorts and jokingly rolls her eyes. Her hands then reach up your body, holding either side of your neck as a thumb strokes the front of your throat. You swallow deeply with anticipation and continue looking into her big blue bambi eyes waiting for her next move, but she’s no longer looking into yours. She is far more focused on your lips and how you continue to nibble on your bottom one. Billie knows very well that this is a habit of yours that appears when you feel shy – so she gingerly tests the waters a little further.

 

“Can I kiss you?” she asks softly. Her eyes flicker up to yours just as your own flicker down to her lips. Both of your eyes are doing a dance now, taking turns gazing at each other’s lips. “Please” you reply at a volume that wouldn’t be audible if it weren’t for Billie’s incredibly close proximity. One side of Billie’s mouth upturns into a smile before she leans in to leave a measured yet firm kiss on your lips. A kiss that professes nothing but her complete and utter adoration for you. She pulls back a few moments later and you’re both smiling now. This time, feeling a little more confident, you lean in and kiss her soft pink, plump lips again. Initially, the kiss is just as calm as the first one, but once Billie feels your tongue swipe across her bottom lip, the air between you two shifts. She parts her lips a little, allowing your tongue to enter her mouth while her own tongue mirrors the action. Somehow, you both are now even closer to each other – inhibitions a thing of the past. Once hours have passed, only a few minutes in reality, you feel Billie’s lips morph into a wide grin. “I can’t kiss you if you keep smiling like that, doofus” you tease her. “Sorry, sorry! I just… I can’t help it” she replies as you both pull back to get a better look of each other’s faces. “I’m just happy” she continues with a shrug. You laugh at her endearing confession and say with a pout, “I’m glad. But I still just opened a rejection letter so I think I’m gonna need some more cheering up” you joke. “Come here, idiot” Billie scoffs reaching down to lock her arms around your waist and pull you flush against her own body. “Mhm” you nod, agreeing with her teasing. “But you love meeee” you reply in a sing-song voice. “Hell yeah, I do. You’re my baby” Billie responds sincerely as she envelopes you deeper into her hold, one hand cradling your back, and kissing you like she is trying to make up for all the years she didn’t.

[stormseclipse]

i had these in my brain for awhile so i thought if let you answer these shower thoughts 1. if you gave each storm hawks a hard math question what would they do? im betting finns just goofing off 2. what would they be like in high school? 3. how dose each hawk processe a break up

(sorry if they seem random please take your time ^^;)

No worries! These are real interesting questions!

1. I feel like Stork and Piper solve it easily enough, Stork maybe takes a little longer but he gets it.

Depending on how hard it is, like are we talking algebra? Geometry? Calculus? Aerrow probably can’t solve it if it’s something beyond basic algebra. And that’s on a good day.

Kind of same with Junko, he’d try his best though.

Finn doesn’t even attempt to solve it XD he takes one look at it and says “nope”

Radarr can’t do math

2. They all kind of already have their archetypes. Piper’s the nerd, student council president, but I think she’d also be popular cuz she’s pretty and has a great, friendly personality.

Aerrow’s the jock, the quarterback, the popular guy. But he’s nice to everyone and hates bullies.

Finn’s the class clown, pulls a lot of pranks, gets put into detention.

Junko’s also on the football team but I can see him being in book club. Maybe also theater club.

Stork’s the weird emo loner XD most people avoid him but the gang interact with him every once and a while.

Rest under the cut!

3. Well I don’t want to reveal too much about what Aerrow goes through during a breakup, since it’s kind of a big arc in my fic, but I’d say…He can understand if things just weren’t going well and he’d respect his partner’s decision if there’s nothing he can do to fix it. But if the split is bad then he takes it bad. I’ll leave it at that.

Piper…she can also understand if someone breaks up with her. She’ll be sad but she’ll do her best to just move on. She’d probably cry on her own though.

Finn acts like he doesn’t care if he’s broken up with, but inside he’s devastated. He really wants to be with someone, so breakups really hurt him.

Junko I can see going two ways, I can see him taking a breakup hard and being very upset. Eats ice cream, cries, the whole nine yards. But I can also see him not taking it too hard, he doesn’t hold it against the other person. He’s sad but he knows he’ll be ok. That’s probably after he’s been in a few relationships.

Stork…well Stork’s kind of aroace to me so he wouldn’t be in a breakup lol. If he *was* in a relationship and gets broken up with, I don’t think he’d take it hard. He’s like “knew it wasn’t worth it, I don’t need anyone” and just moves on. He could be a little upset, be doesn’t dwell on it.

Radarr would be sad if the chicken ever broke up with him, but I think he moves on fast. He’s got other things to think about lol

Hope these answers were satisfactory!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Ok I'm just going to vent and you don't need to post if you don't want to/don't feel comfortable.

What's upset me about this is that I assumed that Matty would have privately apologised to his Asian friends/colleagues (thinking of Bea and Rina but assuming he has other Asian friends too) after he publicly apologised to ice spice. And obviously Rina doesn't need to accept his apology (assuming he has apologised) but by saying these comments now she's bringing back up a lot of hate that the media has just finished talking about. Like she's not just targeting Matty on a personal level here, her comments will be published and there'll be a whole new wave of articles etc calling Matty a racist.

Also I can't help but feel like this will make things awkward for the rest of the band especially George as Rina and Charli are good friends.

Basically I feel sad about it all, I'm a very sensitive person and find it hard when I see injustices happen. And in this case I just feel really sad for everyone involved. I'm sad for Rina and every other person that has to experience racism in the name of humour/satire, and I'm sorry for Matty because of one stupid podcast that he chose to do and will probably never be able to move on from which shows him in a completely different way than the Matty that we all love, and I'm sorry for the fans, especially the Asian fans who have been so loyal to the band and now feel humiliated or let down by someone who they love so much.

🌷🌷

Yeah all of this is completely valid.

I don’t really know what her thought process was when she decided to do this. On the one hand, it must be a decision that she considered seriously. If only cuz he “outranks her” both in terms of artistry and at the label, and because they’re work friends and she’d associated with him closely. So it must have felt, to her, more important to do this than to preserves her career.

So, like, maybe he didn’t apologize and she’s mad about it or something. Who knows. Generally sucks but….what can we say. The consequences of his actions.

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

OFMD Fix-it Part 2

Ayyy here’s part 2! Thank you so much for the incredible response to part 1! I read the tags and comments often y’all are too nice ;v; Enjoy all 69 pages! tw for blood and injury

Part one

kofi

Wee john: Fuck yeah! Roach: We took over Blackbeard’s ship!! Frenchie: Oh no! You dastardly pirates are too scary for me! I surrender!!

Stede: All good everyone! Crew: IS IT?? Stede: [gasp] Did you guys take back the ship?? Ed: You’re shitting me Stede: Excellent job, everyone!

Ed: Hey! Stede: Oh, sorry! I look forward to hearing about it! Ed: Please don’t crack your face again Buttons: Were yee crying? Both: WHAT?! No! Ed: I physically cant cry Stede: Why so you keep asking that? Crew: Captain! Stede: WAIT I’m not discouraging this energy, but please be careful of-

Ivan: What do you want us to do with Izzy, captain? Frenchie: OH FUCK THE KNIFE! Swede: PULL IT OUT! Roach and jim: NO!! [schluck] Pete: FUCK PUT IT BACK IN!! Roach and jim: NO!! Ed: Why disturb him? Sleeping so peacefully. I’ll deal with him later [schluck]

Pete: Where’s lucius? Stede: Yes, we’re missing lucius. Ed! Is the boy below deck? Pete: Did something happen? Frenchie: Oh yeah almost forgot! [knocking on the deck] Stede: What’s this, frenchie? Ed: Lucius is dea-

Lucius: OH THANK GOD! I was going mad in that wa-

Pete: Where have you been? Stede: Lucius! Good to see you, my boy! wee john: Cap’n... Lucius: I was hiding in a secret wall I’d found. Frenchie thought I was a ghost for about a week. Luckily the ship was a barnacled mess Frenchie: Still not convinced if I’m bein’ honest. Couldnt believe you’d survived, Stede: Survived? Pete: Why would you be a ghost, babe? Lucius: Because Blackbeard threw me overboard

Ed: A momentary laspe of judgement  Olu: Oh shit

Stede: [knocks] Ed? [door unlocks]

Ed: Ship’s yours again. I can be gone- Stede: you’re leaving? Ed: I nearly killed lucius. Aren’t you upset? Stede: Absolutely livid, but you didnt succeed, thankfully! The atmosphere is tense, things are a little unclear, but they’re open to speaking. I’ve forgiven them for planning to kill me! Blows over quite fast, I’m sure- Ed: I’m a terrible person, stede. You don’t even-

Ed: Crew needed me. Wanted to help me. And I chose Blackbeard. All ‘cuz Izzy opened his FUCKING mouth ‘n backed me into a corner! Lucius would see right through it. I didn’t know what else to d- [flinch] Stede: It’s ok

Stede: Blackbeard is how you’ve been surviving. I understand that now. The only reason you were put in that position was because of my poor decisions. I promise I’ll be here no matter what to help us all get through this. Ed: Pull up the chair, I want my knife back Stede: Oh good finally...

Ed: So a big cat, a carriage accident, and a dropped piano? All at once? Fuckin’ hell, mate, you let ‘em have it. Though, I’d go as far to say the cat was too much. Stede: Whaaat? How could you say that about Ned? He did great. Ed: Just BITTER I wasnt there to see it

Stede: I’m sorry you had to do this again. I know you’re still angry...Ed: Wasn’t about being angry... not at first at least. Just felt.... sad. Really fucking sad, Stede. Didn’t know what to do without you here. None of us did. Felt... Like I just wanted to lay down and die Stede: I...I didnt think my absence would be felt this deeply

Ed: Oh shut- You’re not serious Stede: No, I’m serious. Mary and the kids were much happier when we were planning my departure fuckery. I genuinely can’t think of a time where someone missed my presence

Ed: Well fuck everyone else. Was the crew pissed when you said why you left? Stede: Very much so Ed: Then they missed you, cheers [mumble] I sure as fuck missed you Stede: You did? Sorry, Impulse. Ed: Lean up a bit Stede: I hop I can earn your trust back one day

Ed: Well, knowing about that Chauncey fuck makes me less pissed at you. Least you didn’t ditch me ‘cuz you didn’t want me around anymore. Stede: Oh no, I’ve liked you since the day we met. Ed: You did look hot bleedin’ out on the deck of that spanish ship. Stede: I’m choosing not to unpack that at this moment. Ed: All done up you go! [loud closed-mouthed scream] [ed repressing laughter] You good? Guts still in? Stede: [strained]I think so Ed: Lean on me til it passes

Thanks, did you sew me up the first time? Ed: Nah, that was fang Stede: That fang, beautiful work Ed: Go lay down. I gotta clean up your blood Stede: Again, sorry

Ed: If you apologize one more time for being stabbed, I’ll stab you again Stede: But it led to so much character development last ti- I’ll leave you to it then

Stede: Ah, is this my-? What’s it doing under th-

Stede: Forget I- Ed: No, that’s- I mean, it is yours... It doesnt even smell like y- JUST PUT IT ON

S: May I ask you-? E: shoot S: Why did you let me board the ship? E: I was tired of izzy nagging to blast you with the cannons. Kept talkin’ in my ear about you ‘n it just made me angrier and angrier. Got me so amped up to just fucking kill you the moment I saw you again. Thought I'd just be furious, but I felt... giddy?  /hated/ that my chest was pounding, that just made me angrier

E: Then you show up with your tits out looking handsome as shit. S: hmmm [olu: One last thing, captain Stede: What is it, olu- RIP] E: I thought of it too. Leaving. Thought I’d get ahead before I disappointed you. Wasn’t itching for adventure, I knew I was in too deep with you S: I always thought I was disappointing /you/. I’m not the most exciting person E: Me?

E: Stede, you’re the boldest bugger i’ve ever met. Ever since i’ve known about you, you’ve made the most batshit ballsy moves. You took those English hostage, you swindled iz to get them back. you told blackbeard to go suck eggs in hell You stood up to the weird twins, to the English navy, to those richies at that party, to izzy, to jack, to ME. You’re the coolest, kindest person I know, Stede. I’m nuts about you. S: … guess I've never seen myself from that perspective E: If anyone else told me that story, i’d have them tied to the anchor for such a bullshit lie, but it’s you, so i believe it. Its as ridiculous as you are.

E: do you think I’ve ever gotten this upset over some quick drunk fuck parting ways? Only you.

S: Why only me, though?

E: You’re the only person that makes me feel… safe? Like I don’t have to be blackbeard 24/7. Most of my old mates were just dickheads who showed up when they wanted something the buggered off

Dont’ gotta worry about you stabbin’ me in my sleep cause i pissed you off.  You don’t laugh when I talk about a fine fabric or a pretty looking teacup. I’ve told you things I thought I’d take to my grave because anyone else would throw it back in my face... But not you. I like your fire hazard, secret passage ship, your crew, when you talk about clothes ‘n book ‘n flowers. You don’t act like anyone else but you... And I envy that

Ed: Because it’s you

Stede: No one’s ever thought that about me... I’m sorry. Hah, I feel a bit dizzy. Ed: Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Lay down if you need [stede crying] Stede?

Stede: You’re the first person who doesnt think I’m a burden. My father, Mary, peers- My whole life- That I was selfish for being born [crying] Ed: Again, Stede, Feck ‘em

Stede: Meeting you was the best day of my life. I was so relieved when you- on the beach- Yuo looked so happy, and I destroyed that Ed: shhh

ed: It’ll be ok

Ed: Look at me. You came back

Ed: And that made Ed happ- IZ: EDWARD, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! [IZZY YELLING]

Ed:[calm] I’m sorry, Will you excuse me for one moment? Stede: Feel free! Ed: Thank-you [Izzy still yelling] [door slam] rapid steps]

[clattering above] [Izzy screaming] [crew cheering] foot falls approaching]

Ed: Now, where were we? Stede: ....Actually I do wanna know Ed: Let’s say, Bit too tied up to bother us again

[stede huffs a laugh] Ed: You look exhausted, you should rest. Pincushion gets the mattress Stede: oh no, I couldn’t. where are you sleeping? Ed: Perfectly comfortable desk right here. [pained moan] Stede: Right... Ed: Night, Stede

ed: I’ll steal a couch soon. ‘M too old to sleep on desks now Stede: I have no qualms [ed sighs]

Ed: Hey, stede Stede: Mm Ed: Can we.... Can we just forget about the beach and start over?

Stede: I don’t think I can this time, Ed. Ed: Slightly concerned you can forget me almost killing you but not a kiss Stede: I’ve decided to be done with running away from my problems and pretending they never happened. But beyond that, My whole world shifted with that kiss. I can’t ever forget that. The memory alone kept me rowing to get to you again

Stede: We’ve hurt eachother, but I’m more than willing to put in the work to mend it... Which is something I never did with mary. Ed: I wont stab you in the earhole by the way. Got mine out of he way. Stede: Only fair! We’re even now. Ed: But mine was funny [swat] [giggle]

Ed: Last thing, then you can sleep off the stab wound Stede: Oh good... Ed: If Blackbeard was gone for good, would you stay? Lotta folks want the novelty y’ know. ‘S been gnashing at the back of my skull. Stede: I met Ed first not Blackbeard

Stede: ‘M staying forever now. Best friends at first sight. From my point of view at least

Ed:...Olivia... How ya doin’, Iz? Iz: Are you fucking joking? Just tell me what’s going on

Ed: Stede won. Crew took the ship back. I’m staying.  Oh and lucius is alive, as you saw. Kid said the ship was so mucked up, he was able to hang on to sneak onto the ship. Thought you handled that way back when? Iz: that fookin- Ed: So i’m giving you a choice.

Iz: Just cut my foot off at this point anything but this. Ed: why can’t you ever just relax, izzy? It doesnt have to go this way, yet you stomp your feet Every. Single. Time. How many years have we known eachother; do you even like my company? Iz: How could you even say that to me? I’ve given my life to you time and time again. And You’re going to let some tart waltz back in and uproot everything we built.  Ed: Built what? We’re fucking pirates, mate!

Powertrip’s over. This is it. It was a good ride. Fang: Lucius! You’re missing this shit!! Ed: You may love waiting to end up like... another leather clad, middle aged sad sack dying alone in a puddle of his own piss, but you’re not dragging me there with you. So make a choice Iz: You’d really let me walk? Ed: Truthfully, i’d prefer you play nice and enjoy yourself for once. but I’ll give you three options.

Ed: Old way is gone. Either one, accept that and keep it pushin’. Two, I would just let you fuck off, but you’ve proven to be a liability out of my sight, so i’ll have fang cut your talk box, so you never speak stede’s name ever again THEN you can fuck off. And three, more of a clause to one,

Ed: If you go rogue, I’ll make you beg for hell. Threaten anyone on this ship again, You’ll never feel the warmth of the sun ever again

Ed: I’ll let you down if you behave

Iz: [despair sigh] just leave me up here a while longer. ‘S quiet for once. Ed: well alright, take some time to process. let fang know when you gotta piss Lucius: Bad morning? Iz: Yeah, keep staring, twat Lucius: That sounded threatening, right fang? Fang: He’s not above pissin’ on you, kid

Ed: [muffled] breakfast? [smack] Didn’t remember blackbeard snuck into your bed? Stede: No, I remember. Had to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating again. Also, once again, you’ve processed this very quickly

Ed: Were yee seein’ phantoms? Stede: No more guilt phantoms thank goodness. Was getting sick of those buggers. Ed: Love a good phantom. You seem less tightly wound. Glad you’re phantom free

Stede: Took awhile to realize, but This is where I belong. Ed: No fucking shit

Ed: Speaking of, Y’ know, I’ve thought on it, and I’ve decided I’m tired of being angry and sad and lonely. Fucking sick of it. Already stabbed you, no sense in wasting time acting mad when I know what I want S: And what is that? E: Wanna be liked and kissed and happy.

Stede: Perfectly reasonable things to- Ed: I also want to be co-captains with the gentleman pirate. [choke] I’m lying in your bed with you, stede. Who do you think’ll be kissing me? The swede? Stede: I didn’t want to PRESUME. Is this a new job role for co-captains? Ed: Is now! ‘S why I promoted you. But you’re still on thin fucking ice. Stede: Poor jim. Promoted in less than a day. Ed: Don’t actually tell jim. They’re super pissed at me Stede: oH Ed: Now, onto couch theft, I’m thinkin’-

Stede: You’ve got some- Ed: I get it? Stede: Not quite, just- Oh- fuck it

Ed: Dastardly man. Diabolical. Definitely not gentlemenly

Ed: Fuckin’ missed you!

End

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝚃𝚠𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢

________________________

𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍: ANON Hey you ❤️ Could I request an imagine with Bucky where you are his non-avenger girlfriend but you got really distant towards him lately as you found out you're pregnant and you're scared of his reaction? But then he finds out and is all happy and all other avengers are happy for you and insist on taking care of you and it's just all fluffy ? Thank you a lot ❤️

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: really fluff smut 18+ (praise, daddy kink, slight mommy kink?, breeding kink, oral fem!rec, age gap, etc), slight angst, cw: mentions of eating disorders (no one has one but bucky thinks this)

𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛’𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: listen…. The idea of kids and having kids getting pregnant all that jazz, yeah. It fucking terrifies me! LOL! But nonetheless I really do see the appeal and sometimes i catch myself reading these kinds of fics so i really hope you like it anon! :)

PS: updates are going to slow down cuz i don’t have any drafts ready for upload and also things are a little crazy personally so yeah hope y’all understand :)

_____________________________

“You like that baby?” Bucky groaned in your ear.

“Yes daddy! Oh my god,” you moaned.

“You’re being such a good little girl for your daddy. Fuck, daddy. You're gonna make me a daddy. I’m gonna come inside you and you’re gonna get all swollen and round with my baby. You want that? You wanna be a mommy; make me a daddy?” 

Bucky and you both expressed in the past that kids were something you both wanted but with Bucky still heavily involved with missions and the avengers, and you were in college studying to get a PhD in biomechanics and computer engineering, something that would let you understand and work with Bucky specifically very closely. You were too young to have a baby but that didn’t stop you from playing into fantasies of having a family with the man you were so in love with. 

“Daddy,” you moaned.

“Give it to me, baby,” you looked him into his eyes.

Bucky kissed you hard as you both came and after cleaning yourselves up you had showered together, ate dinner quickly, and soon went to bed. 

That was two months ago. 

Three weeks after that night, Bucky was gone for about two weeks on a mission with Steve. You and the girls were drinking wine but you opted out for the tempting glasses feeling nauseous that entire week. 

As a joke, the girls were saying you were pregnant but you were sure that you and Bucky were always cautious when having sex. It wasn’t a good time to have a baby. So you joked that all three of you should take a pregnancy test and when yours came out positive you freaked out. 

“Oh my god! Bucky’s gonna kill me!” you panicked.

“Hey, relax. It’s ok,” Nat comforted you.

“We can get through this. Now did Bucky explicitly say he doesn’t want kids?” Wanda asked.

“No, we both want kids it’s just, ugh, life is so fucking crazy right now and I’m still in school, Bucky’s going on missions all the time. It’s just not a good time to have a baby.”

“Ok think about it this; if life for us was normal, as boring as that is, would Bucky be upset if you were pregnant?” Nat reasoned.

“No, he would be so happy. He wants to be a dad, it’s just so sudden,” you said in distress.

“It’s always sudden with this situation. But what’s more important is that you have support. Whatever your decision is in the end we'll all support you, even Bucky,” Nat told you.

Bucky came back home and immediately knew that there was something that was upsetting you. You promised him that you were alright but you were conflicted. You tried to tell him, you really did, but there wasn’t a good time. 

One night Bucky tried to initiate sex when you two had the tower to yourselves. You were instantly distant with him afraid he’d take one look at your naked body and know you were pregnant and that freak you out. 

“Baby, are you ok?” Bucky asked that night.

“Yeah, I just don’t feel good,” you didn’t actually lie, the pregnancy did affect your appetite drastically and many foods you used to adore before were repulsive to you. 

“Oh ok, do you need anything?” he was concerned.

“No, I think I’m ok.”

Now present day, you and Bucky hadn’t had sex since. It’s been a little over two months and Bucky wasn’t frustrated per say but he missed you; he missed having his hands on your warm and soft skin. He missed the way you squirmed under him and the little whimpers you made. How good your walls felt as he thrusted in and out of you torturously slow. 

You two were in the kitchen sitting with some of the other team members. So far only Nat and Wanda knew about your pregnancy as hard as it was to not tell Vision or Steve or literally anyone. You stared at the breakfast sitting in front of you; it used to be your favorite but looking at it and smelling it was making you extremely nauseous. 

“Baby?” Bucky rubbed your back.

“Hm?”

“Why aren’t you eating? It’s your favorite,” he said.

“I’m not too hungry,” you said.

Bucky wasn’t convinced but because you were in front of other people he didn’t want you to feel embarrassed like a father scolding a teenager. His hand rested on your thigh and immediately felt your leg tense up. 

You retracted and stood up walking away without saying a word and Bucky was confused and followed you quickly shoving as much food in his mouth as he could and tossed his plate in the sink. 

“What’s going on with them?” Steve asked.

“Oh no are they gonna break up?” Sam asked with genuine concern, as much as he fucked around with Buck he did admire your relationship. You are really good for him and he loved you unconditionally.

“No, it’s just-” Wanda started.

“Wanda,” Nat warned. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” she rolled her eyes, “There fine. Y/n’s just not feeling well and she doesn’t want to be bothered.”

Bucky walked into your shared room and found you changing into yet another hoodie. That’s when he started piecing things together; or at least he thought. You were always wearing very big clothing and covering your body; that he thought was the most beautiful he’d ever laid eyes on. You were constantly nauseous and refused to eat even some of your favorites dishes and meals. You wouldn’t let him touch even though he’s initiated a couple of times.

“Y/n?” Bucky asked.

“What?” you played dumb.

“Y/n, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I told you I don’t feel good.”

“That seems to be your excuse a lot.”

“What does that mean?” you asked.

“Y/n, be honest with me. Are you starving yourself?” he had tears in his eyes; he couldn’t even think about you doing this to yourself.

“What! Bucky no! I’m not, ugh, just,” you stuttered.

“What is going on, please tell me, baby?”

“I’m pregnant!”

Silence. Bucky was shocked. You were pregnant? How long? Why didn’t you tell him? 

“I’m so sorry, Buck,” you started crying.

“No, no, no, no, don’t cry babygirl,” Bucky hugged you tightly while you sobbed into his chest.

“I’m happy, I’m really happy and excited for us. We’re gonna be a family,” he smiled.

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know, I know we talk about this and having a family but not now. I thought you’d be mad at me.”

“Well, I’m a bit bummed that you didn’t tell when you found out but no; I’m so happy. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I would do anything for you. I’m gonna be here every step of the way and we’re gonna get through this together, ok?”

“Ok,” you sniffled. 

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?” Bucky already started going into protective dad mode and he just found out.

“No I just need you,” you whispered. 

“God, I love you,” Bucky picked you up and laid you on the bed littering your face in kisses.

“Does anyone else know?” he asked you.

“Well, uh, the girls,” you said.

“You told the girls?”

“Well, they were drinking and i declined because I was feeling sick and they joked that I was pregnant so we all took pregnancy tests as a joke but mine came out positive. I took two more and they were all positive,” you started tearing up.

“Hey don’t cry, it’s ok.”

“Sorry,” you laughed.

“We’re gonna be ok, right baby?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I love you.”

Bucky leaned down again and pressed kisses to your neck making you giggle. His warm hands trailed under your shirt making your skin burst into chills. Bucky’s lips continued their assault on your neck and before you knew Bucky started lifting your sweater over your head.

You did the same to Bucky and your chests were pressed against each other instantly as he kissed you hard. Bucky trailed kisses down your body slowly, hands rubbing your skin softly, lips staying longer than usual around your stomach for obvious reasons. 

Bucky peeled your sweats from your body and didn’t hesitate to dive in. His tongue licking a long strip against your pussy. You moan softly and your hips wiggled under him. He pressed down on you to keep you from squirming but you were getting very close to your orgasm and it just felt too good. 

Bucky brought his fingers and circled your entrance before inserting a finger slowly. He looked up at you moaning at his fingers and this encouraged Bucky to insert another one. His fingers slipped in and out with ease with your arousal practically dripping from you. 

Bucky leaned forward and circled his tongue around your clit. The obsecene sounds of Bucky finger fucking you echoed in the room and you finallly climax, cumming all over his finger. Bucky crawled up your tired body after taking his pants and boxers off. 

Bucky didn’t bother putting a condom considering you’ve been his only partner the past couple years and he got you pregnant. He pumped his cock a few times before grabbing your legs to wrap around his waist and easily slipped between your folds. 

“Fuck, baby girl. You feel so good,” Bucky moaned in your ear.

“Oh shit, yes,” you whimpered.

“Oh you’re gonna be so beautiful when you're all big and swollen, shit. You’re gonna be the sexiest mommy in this whole fucking world.”

“Ugh! And you’re gonna be such a sexy daddy,” you smirked and cupped his face.

He leaned down and kissed you passionately. He thrusted into you harder and your back arched into his chest, moaning high pitched and loudly. Your hands tugged on his hair and Bucky groaned in your mouth. 

“Oh Buck, I’m gonna come,”you said against his lips.

“Let go, baby. Come for me, mommy,” Bucky said. 

You came hard; your body contracted and trembled, your stomach tightened, your toes curled, and your legs pulled Bucky deep inside you, hot spurts of his cum coating your walls. Bucky settled on you but bounced back afraid he was crushing the baby.

He went to the bathroom, well practically sprinted, and returned with a warm towel to clean you up. Your body laid still while you were cleaned and you just watched Bucky with adoration. He left again and returned wearing boxers and held a bottle of your favorite lotion that you usually saved for special nights or for Tony’s parties.

You smiled and got comfortable as Bucky poured some lotion in his hand. His hands spread the lotion evenly on your body; thumbs skimming your sensitive nipples, gently caresses all over your stomach, teasing grazes along your inner thighs. You closed your eyes and felt euphoria. 

The love of your life was really pampering you and you felt so good. 

“I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too,” Bucky kissed your forehead, crawling into the bed with you.

“Let’s stay in all day. My girl is pregnant and she’s gonna need all the rest she can get,” Bucky joked.

“But what about-”

“No, who cares,” bucky interrupted.

“But-”

“No buts.”

“What are we gonna tell the rest of the team?”

“Oh, well. It’s your body, your comfort. You tell them when you feel it’s best. But I do hope it’s soon because I’m so happy and I don’t think i'd be able to keep this a secret for long,” Bucky dived his head in your neck making you laugh.

“Ok,” you whispered.

“Man, I’m gonna be a dad,” Bucky sighed happily.

“You’re gonna be daddy,” you said innocently.

“I’m already your daddy,” he playfully growled.

“Then you’re gonna be two types of daddy,” you smirked.

“Two types of daddy.”

=======================

TAGLIST:

@mathletemadison 

[firecrackerhh]

I’m going to be honest.

When I found out about some VA’s leaving, and all on the same day mind you, I was shocked.

I wasn’t upset per se, but I was…honestly at first I thought it was kinda bullshit until I went on the original VA’s Twitter.

Well, whoever they’ve chosen to replace them, they’ve got big shoes to fill. And if Viv has done the choosing then I, WE, don’t got shit to worry about.

This show is her BABY do you think she would pick VA’s who sucked? Hell if we think the pilot VA’s were so good then by God the professionals she picks are gonna be GREAT.

I’m not saying you can’t be upset or disappointed by this news, nor am I saying it doesn’t suck at least a little that the originals won’t be back, but producing a tv show is always gonna require some changes for whatever reason. It’s part of the process, and thus inevitable.

Calm. Down.

And as for the people leaving the fandom cuz of this shit…see ya! Can’t say for anyone else but I certainly won’t miss you.

I know that Hazbin gets made fun of because a lot of antis don’t think it’s all that “mature” or whatever but I would think at least SOME of us have enough emotional maturity to not have tantrums about it.

I’m not talking about those who are upset, in general, I’m talking about the ones who are shitting on Viv for this decision. The ones being bitter and mean about it.

I get it, you became attached to how these characters sounded, so did I, and the fact Michael Kovach as Angel Dust isn’t coming back does sting a little bit. But don’t act like an entitled brat about it.

Also don’t shit on the new VA’s, whoever they happen to be ok? It’s a job they’re paid to do and they shouldn’t have to put up with the crazier people of this fandom fucking harassing them or some shit. It’s not their fault we’ve gotten so attached to the old voices.

Honestly I bet they already knew long before they told us that they weren’t gonna be the voices but they couldn’t SAY ANYTHING because again, NDA.

At first I thought it was better they tell us upfront, rip the band aid off so to speak, though after talking about it to someone it occurred to me that if they told us after the trailer it would’ve been less of a FUCKING DISASTER because then we would know what the new voices all sounded like.

Yeah that probably would’ve gone better. Though I hear Twitter in particular is having a shitfit about it. Not surprising.

Nonetheless it is what it is. I’m sure many here will go through the 5 stages of grief in a week and then the trailer will drop and we’ll all get over it. I hope.

Besides I’ve put too much time into this fandom to just jump ship over something so petty anyways. I’ve written a fanfic with CHAPTERS, I’m normally a lazy bitch who barely wants to do ANYTHING and yet somehow this show fucking did SOMETHING to me and here I am with a tumblr account spouting my opinion that no one cares about.

That’s a hyperfixation for ya I guess.

What I’m trying to say is this show for whatever reason brings me joy in a world that’s full of bullshit so if you think I’m gonna drop it cuz a few things have changed, change is inevitable and I’m moving forward with it!

The times they are a-changing baby! Those who want to leave can leave, as for the rest of us, WOO THE TRAILER IS GONNA DROP SOON (most likely) LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!!

God I’m such a dork 😅

[calypso-finale]

Thirty Five. Part 2

The hostility here is just something I am very used too, I mean I have been through it all and he really hasn’t got the Barbadian family backing, he about to have the worst time but at the end of the day he has more right to be here then this dude “look I am going to go inside right, can you behave? I don’t really want to babysit you all either, grown men and all that. Just mind y’all business and relax. I can’t be on your side if you acting out” Oakley nodded his head, looking at Wadz “just watch out for him, don’t be doing anything while I go” patting Junior’ head “I will wait here” nodding my head, I guess he wants to stand guard. Walking off to go into the house, this family need to stop and just have this party for Aziel nobody else. Walking into the home “oh you got fucked up” Herb said laughing, now only Herb would be shouting that “who fucked you up cuz?” Herb is laughing, dapping him “the skinny warrior outside” Herb busted out laughing “man, that is some lethal hit right there. As a man with muscles you should be swinging harder, man them skinny niggas but brutal” clearing my throat trying not to laugh “ok, can we all just disperse. This whole thing needs to stop right. Brian whatever, you need to stay out of this” Robyn tried to pipe up “enough, I don’t want to hear it. This whole thing, I didn’t know. Brian” I pointed “You need to stay out of this business, this ain’t your child, you here now so shut up and accept Rylee, you. I need to speak to you and listen. You in my house, I ain’t having this shit. I don’t care, my grandson will have the best day, not you niggas fighting. Rylee” walking off, I have been living under a rock the whole time but when women but whispering I switch off, maybe I need to start paying attention more but that’s my bad. Closing the door behind me once Rylee walked into the room, placing my hands on my hips and just looking at her “what?” she said, “I should have figured when you wasn’t really speaking to me as much, you know when I left you Rylee I said you made your own decisions and then what happened?” this girl is stupid “you know what, you never let another man you don’t know meet your child, you’re doing it to spite him” Rylee looked away from me so that means I am right.

She is allowing her hurt to dictate what happens and it’s not a good thing “me and Brian get on, we really do, what do you want me to say dad. He threatened me to take me to court?” she defended “nobody threatens court if they get what they want, don’t play me Rylee. This isn’t about you, none of this is. You for one should know that and how that feels when your mom did that shit and made it about her. You are dealing with it wrong, let Aziel have his father, let him see him” I don’t know why she is mad with me “why are you allowing your mom to feed you stupidity too” Rylee shook her head “she is supporting me” clearing my throat “I don’t care, I only care for Aziel and what is right for him. Let Oakley be a dad” Rylee is upset for what, I swallowed hard because I don’t want her to cry “why are you crying?” I asked her “just everything ok, what do you know. Now my make up is a mess” she huffed out walking off, I didn’t barely say a word and she stormed off but she can’t do that and expect him to be ok, I don’t know what is happening but right now I am trying to get my grandson to have the best day, I pray that it pans out like that because he deserves a good time. I think with Oakley he will shut up but if someone pipes up then he will, but I totally get being the bad guy because I have been the bad guy too many times. I know how is it with these people too, they can be so nasty and make you feel like shit once you are the enemy.

I don’t know why I got penalised for this shit, I have barely got better from my incident and while then Rylee has been having the time of her life, I know she has been doing it to spite me and I get it but she is letting her mother get into her mind too much, Rylee barely knows this man but yet she is really riding this wave. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with, I didn’t want his birthday here but I said yes because then she will let me see him but it’s worked out I have seen Brian instead which is fucking me up badly, I didn’t want to see that dickhead at all “it’s funny right, she was hyping it up that I will run off with someone but at the end of it she ended up with Brian, like she did that” Wadz sat down across from me on the floor “I know bro, trust me. I think maybe like the whole Kenza thing, and the whole female messaging shit, she couldn’t take that I am guessing. I think it can be dealt with but you know when you are young you act up, she is young, and childish bro, what can I say” licking my lips “yeah, but I didn’t think she would do me like that bro, I am not going to lie to you, when I say I love you I mean it. Kenza was a none factor; I think Rylee jumped first and assumed I was going to do it first. I was going through some shit, and you know what, she ran, she ditched me and wasn’t there. I don’t even mean cleaning me; I mean even a call. I was laid out and she didn’t bother with me, she got that guy, she can have him” I am over it, I just want to see my son and move on from the nonsense, I can’t be dealing with the behaviour either. Rihanna is walking towards us, she about to talk some shit as she does with her peers “I think you boys need to be on your best behaviour, I won’t have you hitting guests” she said “who is the guest? Brian? You are deluded I give you that” Wadz tried to not laugh “you got my daughter pregnant, and you think I am going to like you?” I sniggered “you are deluded, you bark about me getting her pregnant when I am trying to be there, I know your game. You want me to not be there and back off, I won’t really. You can tell all these lies; I am here for Aziel. That’s it” getting up from the floor “I will have you in jail for being with my daughter at seventeen” staring at her “prove it” she can kiss my ass, I am over this family “the whole sane person here is Chris, I give him that” Rylee is back, of course she is. Seeing Aziel after all this time, seeing him walking, I feel bad. I missed out on it, I haven’t really seen him in person all this time “hey” I said, he is of course the happiest thing “my G” Kairo said, the fact Aziel is walking to me, he knows me like that because I get facetime but that is it “oh” I said, he fell on his butt but he giggled to himself “missed you” jogging over to him, I have missed him.

I can see Aziel hasn’t changed one bit, he still likes to hold my hair when I put him on my shoulders, this boy wants me to have no hair left “drop it, Aziel!” Wadz said, lowering myself down a little for him to put the ball in the basket but he didn’t, he hit the soft ball on my head “he trying to say you got no brain cells” I chuckled “yeah, I can tell. He beating my ass alright” turning around “dada!” he yelped out, you know the weird thing is, I am getting stared at by this family and it’s so awkward to even spend time with Aziel when I am being judged this way. Picking him off of my shoulder and held him “you ain’t forget me” he smiled at me “you know I will do anything for you, I just had some things to deal with yeah” he rested his head on my shoulder “Oakley” my ears perked up, Rylee saying my name “can we talk” she said, nodding my head “I will take him” Wadz said taking Aziel from me “we can go somewhere” dapping Kairo as I walked off “you sure mr perfect doesn’t want to come and protect you” he was staring “no” she just said in a blunt tone “cool” I mean this will be fun to hear, I wonder what the hell she even wants to say to me.

My hands behind my back as we stopped walking, it’s private so nobody can see “say it” she just said “say what? Nothing to say really, you jumped before anything, you jumped Rylee and you know it. You do this a lot, you jump every time” Rylee looked away from me “stand around for you to hurt me?” shaking my head “I was healing, I told you I love you. I said those words to you and you think I don’t mean it? How is it I am the single one huh, you worried so much about me playing away when you did this, I don’t get you. You want to be the one to say I did it. You did me over, after everything we been through, and now you’re mom is on a high horse about that shit Rylee, but whatever. I just want to see my son” I don’t care for the politics now “you think I didn’t love you? I was the one that jumped on you, I did everything because you was so laid back, you didn’t give. I was pulling everything from you to give me Oakley, it took you months to show feelings that you cared, you are away always, you left me in danger being at that place. Don’t you see it, you are to blame too and Kenza texting you, meeting her! You know this” nodding my head “but look who has a new man, I could be with Kenza right now, we aren’t good together. You aren’t listening to yourself, you are just jumping, I came to the apartment, and you had a man there, you know that is wrong” I pointed “made you react right” I shook my head “it’s not a game! This is a child here Rylee, I won’t have a guy that you barely know around him” she can’t do that shit.

Rylee huffed out “so is that it?” I said “hurt people do hurt things” she said “a whole man though, you made your bed lie in it. What you want me to do, you bought a guy around my son. I get it, ok, I am to blame too, I take that. I do, I take what you are saying but when I told you I love you I meant that, and I don’t regret it either, you’re hurting, and I get that too. I won’t fuck with you and what you’re doing, just let me see my son and I won’t bug you for shit, aight?” I won’t care a thing if she just obeys and lets me see him, but I feel she is wanting attention or up to something, I just want my son, I just want to be around my son and see him grow up.

I don’t know why my family thought I was the problem child when Rylee is right there, she is the worst and to top off it she has her ex and current man here, I am so happy I have dealt with my won demons because watching this drama is very funny. Smiling wide watching Oakley and her stand together like they haven’t been arguing back and forth, I clapped slowly just watching them, Rylee is so uncomfortable and I see it in my sister, she is stuck in a predicament. I don’t know why she bothers with men, it’s a headache to say the least now. I am into me; I am happier then anything. Looking around me as everyone cheered and the candles blew out, Rylee was the first to walk off, she is not happy clearly. Watching her walk off, I spun around and made my way back inside. I mean my sister and I don’t talk but part of my therapy I need too, seeing Rylee in the kitchen patting her face “you don’t have to walk off” I said to her “also I am sure you know I am in therapy and as part of it, I want to apologise to you” Rylee waved her hand “not the moment Ti really” nodding my head slowly “mhmmm I mean, why did you bring Brian here?” I just said it “to piss him off” she admitted and it made me laugh “I like that you’re blunt with it but I mean it’s not the best thing to be doing really” Rylee laughed “I know, but here we are. Brian is just there ok, it didn’t even feel right with him” she walked off, she is a mess.

The kids are asleep, and the adults come to play, also Oakley is still here too. I think majority of people, well family and friends are drunk. Uncle Herb is just dancing around like it’s nothing “watch out” looking at Oakley just there “you not drinking?” I asked “I don’t drink, I don’t even smoke, but Rylee had me smoking” clearing my throat “she isn’t over you though, anyone can see that. She loves you but is hurt with whatever happened” Oakley nodded his head “that’s on her, we can be cordial. I just want to see my son, that is what I want really” looking at my sister and Brian “you not noticed she is looking at you while talking to him? If not then you’re very stupid” he laughed “I am going anyways, I just wanted water for the road” nodding my head “besides, she made her bed really” he walked off, he is just as stubborn. I am so glad I am not in no relationship like that, I am happier without a man, without this stress. I don’t miss that feeling, giving yourself away to just gain attention from another, I am way passed that now.

I stifled out a yawn making my way down the hallway, and I abruptly stopped, I just heard giggling and scurrying down the steps. Squinting my eyes, do I want to check, or should I mind my business because that may be my parents just being annoying as they do. Standing at the top of the steps seeing both my sister and Oakley; I have to laugh because that bitch was never over him “come back, like pretend we hate each other” Rylee said, leaning over just watching them “why? You literally don’t though?” He said to her “because then I have to deal with that, look just please” he scoffed “you love is piss me off too much” looking away as they both kissed “you know I love you; you just anger me! Why you had to be away from me” her clinginess I guess “you play stupid games Rylee, like that guy? Why you had to bring that guy into it, it wasn’t needed was it really. You had my attention, I was going through some shit, and you couldn’t ride for me, you was angrier with me” I knew she wasn’t over him; I knew she wasn’t going to let him go, but here she is “I didn’t want no other woman, I meant what I said with you. You don’t listen because your mom” Rylee placed her hand over this mouth “please stop yeah, just come back tomorrow. Go” side eyeing them, she opened the door to let him leave but it looks like they spent the night together. Making my way down the steps “some things don’t change” Rylee gasped “oh” she said, “how did you shake off Brian” I asked, Rylee closed the door “easy” she just shrugged “hmmm shall I get the popcorn?” I asked “I suppose” walking behind Rylee, I guess the best conversations are had at night. Looking at Rylee and she is smiling “you clearly got what you wanted? I don’t get what happened to you both? Like I mean if you want him why not just have him?” I asked “because I felt he wasn’t giving me time; we was living in danger. He was choosing the streets, meeting his ex. Just a lot of things but you know” my sister is smirking for the gods “and dick sorted that out for you” she giggled “well yeah, of course it did. But make the popcorn, I need to sit” rolling my eyes “what happened to Brian?” I asked, “who is asking?” I guess he’s forgotten “how did you get Oakley here? He left?” I know he did “I literally cried down the phone, and he came” I chuckled “he’s a simp” shaking my head, he came rushing back for her.

Rylee and I are sat outside, the inflatables are still outside and the stars are out so we sat out here “how are you anyways?” Rylee asked “I am better than ever, therapy is working but my key is forgiveness and I always needed to speak to you but never had the chance, it was always that wall between us. I wish we wasn’t always connecting over shit and heartache but Rylee, I am sorry. Like for everything that went on, I was a very let down child and that pain wasn’t at you, it was at my parents. I was the mistake that happened at that moment, you was the wanted child and I took that shine from you. It was never your fault but I took it out on you, then it got to a point where you was entering a new phase in life and I was left behind. Even if we disagreed with things, to me Rylee you was a mother that I missed. I hashed it out with mom and dad but you got caught up in the shit really” I explained “understood, I am sorry too Ti. I wasn’t the best sister, selfish at times too. I am sorry because I wish I was better, but I was a brat, still is a little but Aziel doesn’t allow me to be really. I do care for you and everything I did really was to protect you from these men” nodding my head “I am not giving myself away like that again, I see it that you was trying to protect me. Look we had our shit but I know that you are into Oakley a lot, this is why I never told them about the time in London, mom has been poking to get this verified but even then, I knew that was too much and I knew how much you do love him” Rylee smiled at me “I forgot you knew really, I think mom vendetta is very much draining. I think we are going to hide it now. And Brian is my coverup” I let out an oh “the best thing mom did was get me out of here though, she is draining” I can agree with that with Rylee, she is too much.

Uncle Herb is always a mess, he makes me laugh “so hold on, you was asleep outside the house?” I asked “yeah! Taina left me outside, I don’t remember shit” my dad laughed “I walked out and did a little scream because this nigga is laid out, scared me” he is a mess, Rylee made her way into the room “I swear I heard you laughing last night” Herb said “me? I was asleep” Rylee said as she sat next to me with Aziel “mhmmm I was too drunk” she placed Aziel on her lap facing us “put your hair up, we need to braid it again don’t we” Rylee gathered up his hair “he has such ashy blonde hair” I said “he does, he has such white features, who is this?” Rylee said to him “mommy!” he spat, it’s weird to see my sister as a mother “yes mom is here, there you go. You make such a beautiful girl, look at you. This is Ti, you going to go and sit on her lap. Because mommy is sore, like tired sore. She has phone” Aziel is staring at me “I do have a phone” Rylee didn’t even wait a second, she just placed him on my lap “hey there” I said awkwardly, this is literally the first time connecting with him but he doesn’t seem phased, he is calm about it.

[amateur-author597]

SERIOUS RISE OF THE TITANS SPOILERS

BUT I NEED TO RANT

SPOILERS ARE UNDER THE CUT I PROMISE

I STARTED ROTT TEN MINUTES AFTER IT CAME OUT AT 5:01 PM AEST AND FINISHED ROTT AT ROUGHLY 10 TO 7

I FINISHED THE MOVIE AND SAW 8 SPOILER POSTS WITHIN 2 MINUTES ON TUMBLR

PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AND PUT ALL SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT FOR YOUR POSTS AND TAG THEM PROPERLY

FIRST OFF

Everyone who said Blinky would die because of"and blinky" in the trailer

Fuck you

It was very fair but still I was so scared

Same to if those who said Archie died because he wasn't in the trailer

Again fair but I was terrified and anxious as hell

My heart could not have handled if he died or Douxie's grief but I'm still upset about what actually happened

And I wish Zoe showed up so they could give her some characterization

We find out she's known Douxie and been friends with him for over 900 years but she doesn't help with the Arcane Order?

And none of the hedge witches show up to help fight them to defend their home?!?!?!

SECOND!!! THE TRAIN SCENE!!!

YES

LOVED IT

GREAT

Jim you stupid string bean, I love you though

Claire, good job, that was some hard magic

Toby, go duke!

Douxie my husband, YAAASS QUEEN, GET IT BABY

The Police Station

It was so funny

Everything about it I loved

Douxari confusing the officers and being neutrally chaotic

Claire trying to be tough and silent

Toby spilling ALL the tea and the officers not believing him

Archie just being Archie and enjoying the confusion of the humans

KREL SHOWING UP WITH RICKY AND LUCY

YES

OMFG

Keep casually listing just about every spy agency in order

and then just

"And your mum"

What a legend

Literal King 👑

Honestly

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

Very unpopular opinion

I loved it, so fucking funny

I don't even like mpreg normally

But I loved it as a random side plot cause they probably couldn't find an import part for every character and still give them their deserved screen time

Also, funny!

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

You know how we as a fandom have all decided Krel is Aro/Ace icon or at least Aro spec and/or grey ace (something like that) I have no problem with this and love it, it makes me feel very validated, but what Krel just doesn't want kids and decided it's easier to not have romantic relationships, that's also a legitimate thing a lot of woman do

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

I wish there was a bit where Steve called Lawrence on the phone calling him "dad" or "coach dad" and being like "Hey, I know you're probably busy, you're at school but I'm seriously freaking out and I need your help or advice" and explaining the whole Akiridion pregnancy and Coach just reassuring him gently and telling him that he and Steve's mum would support him and he wasn't alone and they weren't mad at him.

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

I don't necessarily love her by any means

But still!

Dndndbebhsvehehrdidjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbudhnm

*key spams in frustration*

This began much irritation that just increased

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

WTF HAPPENED THE WHOLE FOUND FAMILY THING THEH WERE PUSHING IN WIZARDS

WHY PUSH A GRIEVING DOUXIE TO ESSENTIALLY GET OVER IT AND ACCEPT ARCHIE AS HIS FAMILY CUZ HE WAS ALWAYS THERE JUST TO GET RID OF ARCHIE ANYWAY

DOUXIE WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM AGAIN

HE WOULD HAVE JUST SEEN "TELL DOUXIE I SAID GOODBYE" IN THE KRONOSPHERE AS HIS LAST MEMORY OF HIM

*INCREASING FRUSTRATION*

"No More Running"DOUXIE ALMOST DIED BRINGING NARI BACK

I KNEW HE WOULDNT DIE BUT I WAS STILL SCARED

I was sad

NARI AND SKRAEL'S BATTLE WAS PERFECT

CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE I WAS NOT PLEASED WITH NARI DYING

NOR DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK ONCE AGAIN FROM SAVING A LOVED ONE

"Nor more running"

Simple line

Sweet

Shattered me and my very being THE SWITCHING SPELL

AMAZING.YES.ILOVEDIT.

DOUXIE YOU SMART BRILLIANT BOY I AM SO FUCKING PROUD

Douxari was so chaotic and funny and pure in a very weird way

I was sad that THAT screenshot of Douxie and Archie wasn't actually Archie because he looked so happy chddling his familiar but it was still cute

Narxie was so fucking sarcastic when the Arcane Order realized the spell didn't work and I live for it

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

I loved it, so fucking funny

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

You know how we as a fandom have all decided Krel is Aro/Ace icon or at least Aro spec and/or grey ace (something like that) I have no problem with this and love it, it makes me feel very validated, but what Krel just doesn't want kids and decided it's easier to not have romantic relationships, that's also a legitimate thing a lot of woman do

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

I wish there was a bit where Steve called Lawrence on the phone calling him "dad" or "coach dad" and being like "Hey, I know you're probably busy, you're at school but I'm seriously freaking out and I need your help or advice" and explaining the whole Akiridion pregnancy and Coach just reassuring him gently and telling him that he and Steve's mum would support him and he wasn't alone and they weren't mad at him.

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

Dndndbebhsve hehr didjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbud

*key spams in frustration*

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

Titan Nari

I was so scared when Douxie nearly passes out from lack of oxygen trying to save her

Claire did a great job and I like her but I feel like they're overpowering her without developing her

Nari and Skrael's battle was a cinematic masterpiece

Coach Lawrence seriously needs a break

NARI DYING WAS UNACCEPTABLE

DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK FROM HELPING HER WAS UNACCEPTABLE

"No more running" destroyed me

I AM STILL NOT OK

I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE

The 9th configuration

FOUND. FAMILY. CENTRAL.

I'M THE CHOSEN ONE BUT I CAN'T DO IT ALONE

YES

The Final Battle

I don't even know what to say

Aja. QUEEN.

RIP Varvatos

Rip Douxie that fall would have really fucking hurt

He definitely had broken ribs from that

I'm surprised he could walk after even while being supported against someone else to stand

Jim should have just stabbed Bellroc instead of talking

Jim should not have been able to walk and run perfectly fine after being stabbed even with all the adrenaline

Toby WTF MAN

GOOD JOB BUT FUCKING HELL

I LEGIT CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW IT HAPPENED

THE MOVIE CAME OUT 4 DAYS AGO (IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE THE RANT DONT JUDGE) AND I'VE WATCHED IT 5 TIMES AND I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED IT EACH TIME

HOW DID TOBY CRASH?!?!

ANYWAY

TOBY DYING WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE

JIM SCREAMING OUT HIS NAME AS SOON AS HE REALIZED TOBY WASNT THERE

BLINKY AND ARGH LOOK OF PANIC AND WORRY CUZ THEY REALIZED TOBY DIDNT COME BACK WITH JIM

DOUXIE REALIZING HE FAILED TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE IMPORTANT TO HIM (EVEN IF HE DOESNT HAVE MUCH OF AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP WITH TOBY, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE DIDN'T ADOPT THEM ALL AS HIS YOUNGER SIBLINGS)

"Always was, always will be" hurt my entire soul

The Time stone

This frustrated me so much it took me 3 days to write just this bit

Go back in time and save everyone?

Yes! Awesome!

Go back to the start the start

No

Also, I love and adore Toby

BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE

JIM GIVING THE AMULET AND RESPONSIBILITIES AWAY WHEN HE HAS 2 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWS ALL OF HIS MISTAKES AND HOW TO FIX THEM

WTF

AS I SAID I LOVE TOBY AND I LIKE HIM ACHIEVING STUFF

BUT HES NOT TREATED AS BADLY AS THE FANDOM ACTS LIKE HE IS

AND LOGICALLY JIM MADE A STUPID DECISION CONSIDERING WHAT HE KNOWS

I get that he was tired of being the trollhunter

Largely because he was tired of not thinking he would do a good enough job

But odds are Toby will make some of the same mistakes and they'll be right back in that same position except maybe Claire will die that time around

And if you're sick of the trauma and responsibility of it than why would you dump it on your best friend

Once again I say, it was an illogical and dumb decision

I WILL BE RUNNING TO FANFICTIONS TO ESCAPE THIS CANON

[mindninjax]

Ok so I saw the Dabi thing you posted and I'm kind of disappointed? I love your writing a lot and I enjoyed everything you put out since then but this just seemed like not your type of thing. I know there are a lot of dark fic writers out there but it doesn't seem like you're one of them. Especially with how bubbly you are. I just enjoyed your other stuff more. Are you just trying to be like other writers to get more attention?

Ooo chile... ok so at first I wasn’t going to answer this cuz it’s just meh, ya feel me and I don’t really feel like I’m obligated to explain myself and what I write to you if you don’t like it. Sorry in advance if it’s a little sassy but the wording here kind of rubbed me the wrong way and upset me a little so let me break a few things down for you.  

First: I’m not trying to be anything like anyone but myself. The amount of followers I have means absolutely nothing to me. I’m happy if I have 10 followers or 1000 followers it does not matter. I am thoroughly thankful for everyone who has followed me and I genuinely am so happy that people like talking and interacting with me and I hope it never stops. 

But writing a piece of fiction for the sake of gaining followers? Sorry that’s not what’s happening here. I’ve made some amazing wonderful friends here that constantly remind me to write for me and that is exactly what I aspire to do every single time I post something on my blog. 

Second: You are correct, there are a lot of dark content creators out there, most of whom are pretty good friends of mine. Because I’m such a nice ass person I’ll link you to some of the excellent content creators below. 

@bakatenshii, @blahkugo @rat-suki @ourladyofseijoh @seita @kamehamethot @ichor-and-symbiosis @present-mel @hisoknen @tomurasprincess

Ok now that I’ve fed you, allow me to finish my explanation. 

In a post I made before posting the fic which, don’t worry I’ll link that too it’s >>here , I explained that I don’t usually post content like this nor did I think I would continue posting dark content fics after October. This decision had nothing to do with ‘how bubbly I am” or what anyone liked seeing. It was my choice.

Ya see Nonnie, here’s the thing about perfecting your craft, you’re allowed to step out of your comfort zone to try new things, to know what you like and what you don’t like, which is exactly what I did. And if I can be allowed to toot my own damn horn, I think I did a damn good job on that fic. I’m proud of it and now I know I’m capable of cranking out a dark content fic should I please. Whether that needed your specific approval I can’t say but I’m fairly sure I know the answer. 

Listen I’m going to be a bit transparent here. I compare myself to my friends enough as it is. I certainly don’t need it from an unknown person on the internet who doesn’t know a thing about me or who I am. 

Anywhoo this is all to say I’m not doing anything for attention. I write what I write because it makes me happy. 

Am I trying to be like other writers? No. 

Do I love and appreciate every single one of my friends who put out content that is similar to this? Yes. 

Also, just as a very gentle reminder, you are not trapped here on my blog. If you don’t like what I’m doing or writing you can unfollow. I’ll be sad to see you go but like, do what’s best for you boo. 

✨Stay Golden✨

[the1975attheirverybest]

The band is super independent and I think that’s why platinum tickets are so upsetting. Artists can choose to opt out of platinum, but not all have the control to make that decision due to their labels. The 1975 DO have the ability to opt out and it’s jarring that they didn’t it (also, it doesn’t keep tickets off of Stub Hub, I’m already seeing listings on there for double/triple face value), especially when Matty has spoke about accessibility and affordability.

I do wonder if their touring company has any say? It’s a huge arena tour and it’s expensive to put on a production like this. In reality it is a tiny amount of tickets like Jamie said, but it alienates a lot of fans who can’t afford that.

EXACTLY!!!! THANK YOU!!! Especially when the bands ethos is explicitly and implicitly anti-exploitative. And, im sorry, I did the research before forming an opinion on this and platinum IS exploitative. It literally is the same tickets. A lawyer who specializes in entertainment law has also confirmed that there is no real basis for these tickets costing extra. And the 1975 have not made this a practice. I expect it from Harry Styles (as much as I love him) and Taylor Swift etc. but the 1975??? After all the “maybe it’s all about the money cuz I tell you what? They don’t give a fuck about you and me. They don’t. Give a fuck. About you bitches.” And “just remember that any semblance of joy you’re experiencing right now is mediated under capitalism.” And all that shit Matty has said about the artists that have been “good to him” and “loyal to him.” And how if they suddenly did a “cash grab” he would say “but what about my relationship with you as a fan.” And he knows that he doesn’t own us forever because “I’ll find another favorite band in 5 minutes, mate.”

(Which is unfair to himself cuz like there’s not a favorite band that is going to replace the 1975, but point taken).

So why can’t we feel justified in our surprise at their choice. I think Matty (.never the whole band or DH) generally gets too much flak online and sometimes he doesn’t even deserve it. Especially in recent months. BUT with this one issue, fans are in the right here. Which is not to say I’m holding it against them. Just disappointed. And, as I said yesterday, it’s fine. People fuck up. But it’s about how the respond to their fuck ups. Like they had an opportunity to say “sorry guys. We tried our best. We hear you but it wasn’t logistically feasible.” OR “sorry guys. We know we messed up. Let us fix it” and opt out of platinum before the sale went on. But instead what did we get? “Chill out it’s no big deal.” Not to you cuz you get paid either way! But I have literally been saving for this since November 2022. So stfu.

Ok sorry clearly I won’t let this go for some reason.

[marv3l-drag0ns]

I think being pronouns’d correctly would be so much easier if I could actually like. meet people who would use them at me????

(venting/rambling under cut ig)

Like- my mom tries (you warrior person, you go…. person!) but it feels kinda flat? and I think it’s just the hesitance and the lack of going anywhere past partially neutral cuz she doesn’t use stuff in third other than she

and I’m sure dad has good intentions and I’ve gotten him down for Jim-Jam (friend who uses they) but for me it’s still “sis” and “let her” and “she’s going with me” and its just irritating and I’m sure he has good intentions

abad it’s not the gender identity they have trouble with (started making more nb jokes) but it kinda feels like they’re taking it too seriously?

like if I made a joke like “oh all men are knuckleheads ahurr ahurr” theyd chuckle and joke back (men ily dw) but I made a joke to dad about “oh I’m nb I exist outside of the binary which means I’m exempt from decisions” and he kind of found it funny? But then went “ok but don’t trivialize your identity like that it’s important”

and it’s just annoying and I feel like if I went out and said “oh I’m using they/he- or even just he!“ they would actually do better and that’s really annoying because I don’t want to lose ”she” but I feel like I have to to force my parents to actually do better and I feel bad for even saying that because i don’t want to be too critical with them

and I can’t even badger them about Mia gender cuz I told em I was cool with any and she is part of any and I just want someone to use the correct name and pronouns to my face even though it feels like an impossible dream

and I’m worried that if they do I’m going to be twice as upset because they won’t feel… right

i just want someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok i guess.

[tea-mew96]

Analysis: TFP Optimus Prime and a Discussion on Revenge

Disclaimer:  This post is going to be a long vent about my frustrations with TFP Optimus Prime, specifically with the advice he gives to Arcee and the audience in regards to revenge. So if you’re someone who does likes him or hold similar views to him, you are probably not going to like or agree with what I’ll say in this post and that’s completely ok. The whole point of this post is to provide another perspective and open discussion with me and anyone else about this (But do so respectfully, please).

Also, there are going to be spoilers for Transformers Prime in this, so skip this post for now if you don’t want the show to be spoiled for you.

So without further ado, let me explain why TFP Optimus Prime’s stance on revenge is wrong.

For those who aren’t familiar with Transformers Prime or don’t remember everything, one of the biggest subplots of the show was Arcee and the loss of her partners, Cliffjumper and Tailgate. Throughout most of Season 1 and Season 2, Arcee is on the hunt to find out who killed Cliffjumper and to get revenge for Tailgate by going after Arachnid. 

Everything with this arc was going ok...until Season 1 Episode 20, Partners.

During this episode, Arcee ends up following Arachnid, much to Optimus’ distaste. After Optimus saves Arcee from Arachnid, he tells her that seeking revenge for Tailgate is a bad idea. Later on in the episode, Starscream lets slip that he was the one who killed Cliffjumper, and Arcee reacts accordingly by attacking him. She almost kills him, but is stopped when she realizes Bumblebee is watching them and she lets Starscream go. The episode ends with Arcee saying that she thought settling scores would allow her to move on but that her actions instead lead to the Autobots losing an ally. Optimus comments that wisdom is gained, not automatically earned. This arc continues in Season 2 Episode Episode 10 Armada, where Arcee ends up trapping Arachnid in a stasis pod, ultimately ending their rivalry. The pod is taken back to base, where Ratchet says Arachnid “deserves worse”. Arcee responds that she “intended worse, more times than you know” and Optimus responds that Arcee is “stronger” for her choice.

These series of events are what ruined both Optimus as a character and Arcee’s arc for me.

Optimus tells Arcee that seeking revenge is bad and that she’s a “stronger person” for giving Arachnid a fairly merciful fate of being put in stasis. There’s one problem, though: he’s wrong. And apparently no one on the writing team knew that.

What Optimus ends up implying is that Arcee’s anger at both Arachnid and Starscream is not justified, that being mad at them for hurting her makes her a “bad person” and wanting them to suffer consequences for it is not the right path to take. Except none of that is true.

I think it’s fair to say that Arcee is victim of murder, and has a lot of trauma and emotional damage because of it. She has lost two partners that she clearly cared for and were close to, with one of them (Tailgate) dying right in front of her optics. She displays signs of depression throughout the series, and if the flashbacks in Season 1 Episode 12 Predatory are any indication, Arcee probably has a good case of PTSD too. 

The thing about people who have been severely hurt and traumatized by others like this is that they need closure, and there are many ways that this can be accomplished. Forgiveness is only one way. Sometimes closure comes in the form of having the aggressors be given jail time or the death penalty. Sometimes with bullying, a victim will find peace by seeing the bully getting in trouble with the teacher and being suspended. Some find peace through therapy. Sometimes, people can only find peace by taking matters into their own hands and punishing the aggressors themselves (victims fighting back against their bullies and the story of Gary Plauche are good examples of this one). The point is that victims and their friends/family members affected by murder, rape, bullying, or any other hurtful acts is that they don’t have to forgive the ones who committed the crime, nor are they required to. In fact, many people don’t.

This is something that Optimus Prime simply doesn’t understand, and many adults don’t either.

I want you to take a quick read at these statements that people often give as solutions to bullying:

“Don’t react, just ignore them. They’ll go away.” “Don’t fight back, that’s stooping to their level” “Tell them to stop saying/doing those things, they’ll listen”

On the surface, all of these statements sound correct because these are all very tame, non-violent solutions. They’re all moral high ground statements. But almost any victim of bullying can tell you that none of this advice ever actually helped, and if you ever told a teacher someone was bullying you, you at best got ineffective solutions/similar advice to the above and at worst did nothing about it.

Optimus Prime’s statements about not seeking revenge come from the exact place that the above quotes come from: a place of wanting to appear moral and above-it-all but having none of the experience or knowledge to actually back it up. 

Optimus wasn’t as close to Cliffjumper as Arcee was. Optimus didn’t see Tailgate’s gruesome death first-hand. He may be older, but being old doesn’t automatically make you right. And I find it ironic how Optimus states that wisdom is earned at a cost yet he’s the one who is clearly is struggling with that concept when it comes to Arcee.

It upsets me to no end how Optimus is contantly tellling Arcee that she’s the one who has to be the more moral, bigger, stronger person. But Starscream and Arachnid? You know, the ones who caused all of Arcee’s anguish to begin with? Naw. Arachnid can continue to tease Arcee by asking if she’s lost any more partners and Starscream can pretend to feel bad about killing Cliffjumper and then immediately brag about it the next day. Yeah, those two don’t need to change. ARCEE DOES. CUZ REVENGE BAD. 

Remember how Arcee said she intended a worse fate for Arachnid and Optimus praises her for it? While the show treats that as “closure” and the end to that rivalry, I’m not convinced. For the longest time, Arcee wanted Arachnid dead. So for her to all of a sudden switch to being merciful to Arachnid seems off to me. And thus I began to wonder: Did Arcee decide to not kill Arachnid because she had a genuine change in morals, or did she do it in order to make Optimus Prime happy? Or in other words, is this a genuine change of character or this just the writers’ last-ditch attempt at pushing the “no revenge” narrative into the audience’s face? I don’t know for sure (although I’m pushing for latter in both questions) and the show doesn’t address this. And this is bad because depending on this answer, this could mean that this arc was never truly finished. If Arcee still didn’t believe or feel that having Arachnid in stasis was good enough closure, than the story isn’t fucking over. But no one of the writing team thought this far. No one was willing to put this kind of depth into the show.

Furthermore, I’d argue that this constant talk about Arcee being a “better person” is causing her to be critical of herself over things that aren’t really her fault or that she wouldn’t be able to predict the outcome of.

One is Arcee blaming herself for Smokescreen’s “death” in Season 2 Episode 21 Alpha/Omega. The other is Arcee regretting her attack on Starscream and losing a potential ally. But the reality is that Starscream is extremely fickle and having him join the Autobots wasn’t guaranteed to end in success to begin with. Even if Starscream did join the Autobots, there’s no promise that he would side with them forever. Almost all of his decisions are based off his own goals, and many times that can go against the ideas/goals of the group he’s in. Actually, Starscream does end up betraying the Autobot’s trust anyway in Season 2 Episode 23 Inside Job where Starscream uses the Autobots’ (ok, most Optimus Prime’s) trust to steal the Omega Keys and use them in order to gain Megatron’s favor again. Unsurprisingly, trauma victims in the real world also blame themselves for what happened to them too.

There’s many things about TFP Optimus Prime I can forgive. Boring characterization? Fine. An intriguing characterstic (lack of outward emotion) that has potential to be interesting but the writers never decided to explore it? Whatever. But I draw the line at shitty advice presented as a good lesson, especially when your audience is young kids who don’t know better and may need desperate help.

Kids get bullied and abused. Kids need to be told that fighting back against bullies and abusers who have hurt them doesn’t make them a bad person because the “lessons” and “solutions” that many schools and adults teach or tell rarely work. And telling them otherwise because it sounds right isn’t going to help. If anything, it’s only going to hurt those kids in the long run.

TL;DR Arcee is a good girl who deserves hugs and therapy, and Optimus Prime is a self-righteous moron who deserves to be thrown into a smelting pit.

[typicalmidnightsoul]

ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙʟɪɴᴋ, ᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ’ʟʟ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ᴍᴇ - Chapter 1

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒 𝒜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃𝒶

Mafia/Assassin AU 

After the prince of Merchants dies his wife takes up his mantle and his empire of criminals, yet now the government locked his wife in jail but the princess of merchants is too clever to be held down. Nesta ran away from Velaris after Feyre tried to control her. She made a name for herself that people respect but now she is in trouble and her mother demands Feyre to get her back. Cassian goes but the shit she has gotten herself into will take a long time to sort out. one catch though, she has 96 hours to live.

This is for the anon with the request to post this on tumblr <3 my tumblr’s messing up so I couldn’t post it with your message on top but I love you Anon!!!!! Thank you for the request!! I’m glad you enjoyed my story!!!

“Hey mom.” Feyre pursed her lips at the female in orange in front of here. Adelaide put her handcuffed hands on the table. She signalled to the guard to get out.

“I probably know the answer to this, but why mom did a prison guard just follow your command.”

Adelaide leaned back, “I have most people here on payroll.”

Feyre groaned, “Only because you’re the princess of merchants.”

After their dad died, their mother in desperation took up his mantle, people feared their mother 10 times more then they feared their father.

“Touché. But anyway… Your sister is in danger.”

Feyre sat up, attentive, “Nesta called a couple of days ago and said she was fine.”

Her mother rolled her eyes, “Feyre I am your mother, if you think you can hide the fact that you tried to control Nesta’s life and therefore she ran away from Velaris and is now one of the most dangerous people on the street. Don’t play dumb, Feyre. But whatever I don’t care about that anymore, what matters now is that Nesta is being hunted down by some very bad people, she has come in possession of a substance that is very dangerous.”

“What shall I do?”

“Well, I was going to handle it my way but I know how much that upset you last time…”

Feyre stood up, “The last time you tried to handle things, you killed people…Nesta can handle herself and she won’t like my meddling.”

“You’re gonna risk your sister’s life because you don’t want to upset her?!” She leaned back smirking, “Guess I’ll just have to send my people down there.”

Feyre relented, “Fine, but whichever one of my friends goes, and they’ll tell Nesta that you sent them. And if my friends don’t want to go then I will. But, please, don’t handle this you’re way.”

“Fine. Who are you planning on sending?” Feyre knew that look.

“Ok mother who do you want me to send?”

“Cassian and one of my people.”

Feyre scoffed, “Cassian?! She’ll rip him apart.”

“And he’ll survive. No one else will be able to manage her temper. She’s my daughter, I know her best.”

“Who else are you planning on sending?”

“Jonah. But he’ll join after, on my orders.”

Feyre flinched. Their half-brother whose existence was unknown to her until very recently, he hated Feyre that hate deepened after that issue with Nesta. But he loved Nesta to bits, and Nesta listened to him. Feyre looked up at the mastermind in front of her.

She was going to send Cassian to take the brunt of her anger and Jonah to calm both of them down.

“Fine. I’ll let Cassian know.”

Before she could go her mother stopped her one more time, "Feyre."

"Get your sister back."

----------------

Nesta ran through the depot. She swiped the card given to her by her source to open the door. A card of highest clearance, her mother would have questions.

“Take a left,” Clare spoke into her ear through comms.

“Clare there are billions of trucks in here.”

“The truck you’re looking for is in the far left, serial number is 234 LMX9.”

“Where is everyone else?!”

“You tripped an alarm; they’re knocking out all the guards who saw it. They’re coming now.”

She got out her handgun and shot the trucks locks on the door busting it open as she climbed in an alarm went off.

“Oh shit Nes! One of the guards pressed the alarm before Helion could make the kill.”

“Its fine I’ve got the case. Just tell them all to get their ass down here.”

She heard footsteps; Vassa, Cresseida, Audrey and Helion came down. Their faces had trickles of blood but they were in one piece.

“You’re all idiots. Come on we need to go.”

“Nesta you leave, Hybern is on our tail you need to get out with that.” Audrey said.

“No offence Cuz but I’m not leaving without you. Actually you guys are leaving before me.”

“What why?”

“Because if Beron finds out we just stole from him our shot for going undercover is gone. I’m alone in this now. We regroup later. You guys need to handle the Queens.”

Audrey nodded, “If you don’t get out and I don’t get a call by midnight that you’re safe I’m coming straight back.”

“Fine you witch now gets lost.”

They all piled into the car leaving Nesta. Nesta had one more thing she needed to find. She went back inside, and pocketed the pen drive that she had plugged into the computer in the front cabin.

As she was leaving a blast caused her to smack down against the wall. She groggily got to her feet, reaching for her briefcase.

“Welcome. Dagdan and Brannagh at your service. What do the call you?”

Nesta slid up her black mask, covering her face,

“They call me Athena.”

She turned both guns out of their holster and shooting the 6 people she saw, she got nicked by one of their bullets. She hissed. She wasn’t outnumbered she could take them on. But the risk of the…

They wanted the brief case. She turned her hand and shot the light board making the whole depot dark.

She ran into a small corner to buy herself time.

“Come out, come out where ever you are,” Brannagh’s sweet voice carried itself to her. They were getting close.

She opened the brief case and eyed the green liquid with blue streaks going through it. She could hear them getting closer. Without another doubt she pushed the syringe inside her.

The feeling was earth wrenching, It was horrifying, like she was being remade.

She ran for the exit, leaving the briefcase. Brannagh had seen the brief case and called her brother over.

“She knows what’s good for her. She left it.”

“Wait,” Brannagh ordered, she opened it, “Shit! The bitch took it herself. Call up Hybern and tell him.

Athena took the Cauldron.”

------------

She couldn’t keep on running, she had to call Clare, Audrey, someone who…she fell and the last blurry image she saw was black timberland boots walking to her.

She woke up her head thudding against something.

“You do that again and you’ll give yourself brain damage.”

She looked at the ceiling-no roof of a car. A car she recognised.

“What the fuck are you doing here Cassian?!”

She heard the doors lock; she tried to open them to no use.

”Let me out!!”

He looked at her in the rear view mirror.

”never thought I’d have to use the child lock on you sweetheart.”

”Let. Me. Out.”

”No can do mummy’s orders.”

Her face softened, “my mom sent you.”

He hesitated then nodded. She dragged a hand through her hair.

”i need to go and see someone. Clare or someone-“

Pure rage took over his features and he braked the car so hard that Nesta almost fell. He got out of the car and climbed into the back, pulling Nesta against him.

“As I see it Nesta you have two options, 1) you co-operate and I take you to the safe house or 2) you don’t and I handcuff you to this car till you do?”

She tilted her head, “You’re angry. Why?”

“Because you left. You left and made a name for yourself that will either get you respect or get you killed.”

“You told me to leave. You TOLD me.”

“I did not think you’d actually do it.”

“Well then you should’ve known better.”

They stayed like that for a while, breathing raggedly, until Cassian

Said, “I need you to make a decision, Nesta.”

“Fine I’ll go with you. But you will regret it.”

“We’ll see.”

“I’m also sitting in the passenger seat.”

“Do as you please.”

She climbed through the middle of the two seats and into the           passenger seat. He rolled his eyes and went back outside grabbing something from the boot before going back into the driver’s seat. He dropped a Burberry barrel bag into Nesta’s lap saying, “I talked to Clare before coming here. She packed it for you. It has your phone, charger, clothes and god knows what else.”

She sifted through it wondering what she had done to deserve a friend like Clare. She tried her phone, no charge.

She looked at Cassian’s phone that lay in the middle of them.

“Go ahead.” He said reading her thoughts.

She turned it on, “Passcode.”

“260369.” She tried to hide her shock at him giving her his passcode with no hesitation.

She scrolled through his contacts trying to find Audrey. It rang twice.

“Hey Cassian what’s up.”

“Auj! It’s Nesta.”

“Oh my god! Where are you?! Are you with Cassian? What happened?”

“Long story short: It’s safe with me, I’m in a bit of a mess, Cassian was sent by mom to do god knows what.”

“Where are you guys going?”

“I…don’t know.” She looked at Cassian who gestured that he’ll send it to her, “Cassian says he’ll send it to you.”

“Ok, keep safe, love you, and call me when you get there.”

“Yeah ok, Love you too, bye.”

She started taking her holsters off and getting comfortable. Cassian leaned back and got his coat that was covering Nesta when she was sleeping in the back. Nesta looked down her sleeve was ripped. The bullet wound taken care of. He put his coat over her.

“We have another one hours journey ahead of us.”

“I’m not tired.” But she didn’t take his coat off.

“Well then what do you want to do.”

“Depends. Do you have Spotify?”

He chuckled and handed his phone over. She reached down into the barrel bag her earphones and got out two frappe’s she silently put Cassian’s one between them and opened hers plugging her earphones in.

He tried to keep his smile to himself.

-------

Nesta had fallen asleep for the last 15 minutes of the journey, him taking out her earphones for her. He texted Jonah that they were at the safe house to which Jonah gave a four word answer.

Ok. Keep her safe.

The amount of love he had for Nesta and the amount of hate he had for Feyre and Elain were unimaginable. He chuckled.

“Nes.” He shook her, “We’re here. Sweetheart.”

She groaned something about letting her sleep.

He rolled his eyes. He got out of the car and picked her up. She snuggled closer to him. He smiled down softly at her peaceful face.

He took her inside to his room and placed her in between the sheets. He took off the knee high heeled boots she wore and tucked her in.

He took off his shirt and slung it on a chair; he took a shower before heading to go to sleep in the guest room.

Coming up Next

“I have 96 hours to live.”

“What?!”

“Probably why Jonah is getting worried.”

“What are we gonna do?”

“My mother wouldn’t send you if she didn’t have a plan.”

“What were you gonna do?”

“A friend of mine, Thesan, he is a doctor. Well a bit more than that.”

He looked at her and picked up his newspaper. She decided she wanted to ditch her clothes and instead of getting her own she took his shirt and worn her knee high black boots. Apparently she needed to take a shower anyway so instead of dirtying her clothes why not his. He on the other hand was shirtless which seemed to have no effect on her while walking around in his clothes definitely had an effect on him. She studied him.

“What?”

“I’m trying to figure out what would happen if you’re ex walked in and saw us like this.”

“My-wh-who are you talking about?!”

“Morrigan.”

“She’s not my ex.”

“The one night stand you’re still hung up over then.” She laughed, “You’d try to hide me. Wouldn’t you?”

He grabbed her wrist pulling her closer, “No sweetheart I actually wouldn’t.”

“Well then what would you do.”

“You wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed for starters.”

“Yeah whatever.” She left to change.

-------------------

Tags: @skychild29​ @aesthetics-11​

[jayus-fandom-writer]

Movies, Winchester, and Cas. A Destiel fanfic Warnings: Absolutely none. This is written by an asexual for asexuals as have all my other fanfics. We got some kissing moments but that's it. I might rate this PG-13 for the small bit of language though It was like any other Winchester-Castiel movie night. The three had decided they needed some relaxation. The other hunters had everything under control... For now at least. So the three had wound up watching Netflix. They were just finishing up Mary Poppins when Dean said suddenly, "Hey Cas. Wanna go fly a kite?" He chuckled silently and Cas just looked confused. As always. Sam looked across the couch at both of them. Through all the movies Cas and Dean would slowly get closer and closer until they were ALMOST touching. Sam sighed in frustration and got up. "Ok well I'll leave you guys to your kite. I'm going to get more popcorn. Pick out another movie while I'm gone." He turns to leave but a sudden thought struck him. He whirls around and says with a slight smile, "Hey Dean?" "Yeah Sam?" "Fucking ask Cas out before I get back. Please. Youve screwed around for too long." Dean stares at Sam's fleeting back as he hurried down the hall. Can looks at Dean and the bright eyes meet. "Cas I- I never asked Sam to say that... I don't know what the hell got into him..." "Dean it's ok. Let's just look for another movie." Dean looks back at the TV. After an awkward silence Dean gives a slight chuckle. "Hey Cas recognize this guy?" Cas looks at the glaring screen. Then smiles. "The pizza man..." Dean laughs a little. "Yep. Never gonna forget about that one are you? I don't think Ruby will either..." Dean looks almost sad for a second. Then quickly returns to flipping through the options. "Dean?" Cas's gentle voice cuts through Dean's search "Whats up?" Dean looks over at Cas, who surprisingly, was already staring at Dean. A look of determination on his rough features. "Were you upset at all when I kissed Ruby like the pizza man would?" Dean looks back at Cas slightly surprised. He coughs slightly. "Uh why would you ask that Cas? I... I don't care who you kiss. You're a grown man you can make your own decisions." Dean looks back at the TV. "You just looked like... well you looked like you did when you found out your girlfriend had left you in highschool." Dean lets out a little laugh. "I should've never agreed for you to look at my highschool days." But Dean could tell that Cas wasn't quite finished with his attack. "Dean." Dean put the remote down on the couch arm and turned his whole body to look at Cas square on. "Ok Cas. Yes. I was jealous. Really really fucking jealous. Is that what you want to hear? Dude I've slammed you against walls before but never though you might enjoy something like that. But when you kissed Ruby-" Dean suddenly stops. "Shit. I'm sorry cuz I didn't meanto say any of that..." He looks quickly back at the screen. "Let's watch It's a Wonderful Life. Then you'll finally get why Ruby calls you Clarence." Dean selects the movie and pauses it at the intro scene to wait for Sam. Dean finally looks over at Cas. He's smiling. "Hey what's so funny?" Cas is now laughing openly. "You are Dean. If you wanted me to kiss you why don't you just ask me to instead of being jealous of Ruby??" Dean looks at Cas and says quietly. "Ok Cas... Well then um... Kiss m-" Before he can finish Cas is standing up and looking at Dean. Without warning the angel grabs Dean off the couch and in the next second has him easilly pinned to the wall and he's kissing him just as the pizza man had taught him. Dean, completely astonished, finds himself automatically kissing back. After a minute he relaxes, letting himself enjoy this moment he might never get again. Cas has his wrists pinned by his head and Dean for the first time experiences what being a bottom feels like. He stops for a split second and Cas backs off slightly. Before he gets too far away though, Dean grabs him back again and puts him against the wall. As he has so many times before. Cas looks up at Dean with anxious eyes. Dean looks into his face searchingly as Cas slowly relaxes. Dean presses his lips to Cas's slowly. Something he always imagined doing but never felt like he could. Then Dean slowly lets Cas go from the wall. And hugs him, holding him tight and brushing his lips on Cas's neck. Cas hugs Dean back. Not wanting to lose him or ever let go again. But they hear Sam's footsteps in the hallway and quickly go sit on the couch again. This time though, Cas is leaning on Dean's shoulder. The place where he always wanted to be. Dean has his arm around Cas and the two look like a perfect pair. Sam looks at them, looks at the movie, sighs, and sits down. Before he starts the movie Dean says quietly, "Hey Cas?" "Yeah Dean?" "Will you go out with me?" "Oh yeah sure, I'd love to." Cas, quietly and nervously, goes to kiss Dean's cheek. But Dean, guessing Cas's thoughts, turns in time to give him a kiss square on the lips. He then presses his face into Cas's hair as Cas slowly rests under his chin. He looks over Cas's head at Sam. Sam simply mouths 'we'll be talking about this later' and presses play, crunching on a handful of popcorn.