#it’ll be interesting to see what their music will sound like when they (hopefully) choose for themselves

[bomnun]

brave girls all signed with a new company hehehehe (warner music…should have more resources than brave entertainment)

[nonnonblog]

Adventures of a Cardboard Box

Hello there! Long time no see. I hope your summer is going well, with all the adventures and whatnot. If you’ve done something cool, you’ll have to let me know.

Anyways, I am happy to announce I will be posting for the next four weeks! Five stories and poems in all. This specific one is a bit different than my usual style, but I got to rhyme a few times, which always means it was fun to write. Hopefully it is fun to read, or at the very least makes you think. I do think that is the goal of this particular story, though about what, that is up to you. Introducing… 

Adventures of a Cardboard Box

Ah, look at that. It’s a cardboard box, sitting on a hill. A lonely hill, at first glance. The cardboard box was a cardboard color, that off-brown. It was a common color, more common than bark here. But there was only one for a good distance around, so I guess we’ll have to settle with this one. Come on. Let’s get a closer look!

This box was upside down, so when the smarter critters of this world looked down from their cardboard planes they’d see a cross in its little flaps. Not that the box couldn’t be opened on both ends, it’s just that the skywards side was taped up and impenetrable.

The box was meant to be carried this direction, though. Whoever had opened it had opened it up from the wrong side. You could tell because this box had two little oval-shaped dotted lines, which could be popped on out to lift the thing. One was still in. The other had disappeared, having turned into the only part of the box for folk like us. Observers, who couldn’t do much with cardboard but peak in. The inside of the box was mostly hidden in shadow, like a nest of black fur. Maybe this box was empty! But it most likely wasn’t, the box-critter is probably sleeping. Here, let’s try to wake it up. A bit of wind would probably do the trick.

woooooooooooshhhhhhhhhhh…

Good job, good job, that’s— that’s a good wind. A constant breeze, which causes the grass about the hill to flow up and down in hollow V-shapes alongside those who traverse in boats on the opposite side of the dirt. The grass was once again alive, and trading gossip as much as grass ever does. Petty little plants.

Our box was not ready for the wind. It was pushed up into the air just a few inches, before eight-odd triangles covered in static-filled hairs erupted out of the box and clicked into place about the dirt and stone. That little handle-hole, the one which had been popped out by someone some time back, gained two round golden eyes, like lost fireflies who’d soared a bit too high in that night sky. The box-critter spun in a circle, looking about for whoever had spawned this wind. But after not seeing much of anything, it settled on making an annoyed Tik tik! sound, and started off on its way down the hill. Come on, let’s follow it. Maybe it’ll lead us to something interesting.

You know, I’m surprised this one is alone. They normally travel in groups! Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m sure the groups have an actual name, I just don’t know what it is. The box-critter doesn’t seem to know quite where it is going. It makes its way down one hill just to go up another. It seems to have a solid goal though, spinning about at the top of every hill before choosing which one it’ll go to next. It always seems to choose the tallest one, maybe searching for a good view, or something more useful. Do you think it’s lost? Is that why it isn’t with a group? How sad.

A sound was added to the music of the landscape. Up until now, the noise was basically just background, not really making for an important Observation. It was just acting out its part in the world because it had to, because it was always there, and because it was nice. The breeze made for a good chorus and the grass added some interesting verses. But it was all disrupted by the sad growling of the box-critters hidden stomach. Tik tik. The box-critter kept wandering. It kept looking for food. The firefly lights in its box’s handle-peephole grew dim. I… don’t like Observing this. But we’ve already chosen it as our Narrated, and I don’t see any other cardboard critters around to switch it with…

Here’s the thing about grass. As I’ve mentioned, they’re petty creatures, but they’re also important ones. Grass divides one place from another. Crossing grass has to happen no matter who you are or where you’re going. And grass can be very helpful, when they’re kind enough to use their role as Bridge to Everywhere to accomplish great things…

And, well, I’d really like to think grass is forgiving, whether or not that’s the case is up to you.

The grass didn’t react. Then one, tiny strand, one that had just sprouted and couldn’t even be really seen by anyone but ants and the smallest of Observers, decided it wanted to be what I’d just Narrated. It decided it wanted to try, even if it didn’t really like Observers as a concept. After all, what was the point of being an Observer? Wasn’t the world built to be interacted with? Wasn’t it a blade of grass so that it could talk with and traverse the dirt? The child blade sunk into the dirt, inverting its small piece of the hill quilt. And the rest of the grass decided to join it, in a rare domino effect. The box-critter fell into a sinkhole, and popped up on the other side of the grass, where a muddy-green sea expanded in all directions. The box-critter was sitting in its cardboard shell as though it were a boat, which meant it was very much exposed for the time being. Box-critters are simple beings. Just black fur, legs, and eyes. It clutched the frontmost wall of its boat-box and watched the waves pass by. It was either confused by how it had gotten here or happy with the view, it’s up to you.

Here, let’s blow the water, we can push the box-critter along. Create a V-shape in the water. Maybe someone traversing the hills will see it in the grass, and imagine up a story for the specific adventure that we’re causing. Who knows! The water passes by. The colors change, from green-brown to a perfect clear, with the roots of the grass rise upwards like seaweed in the water. Actually, some of the grass looks sick. Mushrooms, some fungus or another, was growing along their roots, trying to kill them off where they can’t defend themselves. The fungus is of an edible breed, let’s help out our box-critter while also aiding the grass that got us here.

We blew the fungus off the grass, so it floated atop the water, off-white islands just within reach of the box-critters’ pyramidal legs. It made for a solid meal, though the consistency of soggy mushrooms got dull after a bit I’m sure. The box-critter was creative though, bending the mushrooms in different shapes over the side of its cardboard boat and leaving them out to dry for a bit. Tik tik, it said.

Thanks for watching.

The End

If you are interested in reading any more of my other pieces, please consider checking out my website, the Non-Non-Blog, through the link below!

[sinceileftyoublog]

GoGo Penguin Interview: Opening Up and a Leap of Faith

Photo credit: Veil Projects, Emily Dennison

BY JORDAN MAINZER

You can take GoGo Penguin’s latest album Everything Is Going to Be OK (Sony/XXIM) at face value, and it’ll appear like a continuation of the spirit of their previous material. Moody, abstract, and expressive, songs like “You’re Stronger Than You Think”, “Glow”, “An Unbroken Thread of Awareness”, and “Sanctuary” have a blissful vibe, whether arpeggiated or gentle, free or groovy, affected or minimal. In reality, the circumstances surrounding the record give it a life-affirming quality that’s never been stronger for the Manchester trio. Everything Is Going to Be OK was recorded during a time when Nick Blacka lost both his mother and brother to cancer months apart, and Chris Illingworth lost his grandmother. In the meantime, drummer Rob Turner left amicably, and was replaced by Jon Scott. Yet, the sound of the album doesn’t reflect any tension or upheaval; though times were tough, the very act of writing, making, and recording acted as a refuge for GoGo Penguin. 

That is, with the album’s story in mind, you can appreciate its gracious looseness. “Saturnine” is straight up funky, a mix of bass, piano trills, and pattering drums. The warbling synth in the background of “Friday Film Special” perfectly perches beside its slow pace, like the very birds on a wire that make up the record’s visual palate. The Steve Reich-like peaks and valleys of the title track render it the album’s emotional centerpiece, the complex time signatures of “Parasite” its emotional climax, but even those two tracks exist within a defined world of echoes and familiarity, just like the very studio that acted as a safe space for Blacka and Illingworth during tough times.

Earlier this month, I spoke over Zoom with Illingworth as GoGo Penguin were in the middle of a U.S. tour, that night in Portland. We talked about playing live, both in general and the songs from the new album, what Scott brings as a drummer and band member, and being open about sharing the stories behind music. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: How are you finding adapting the Everything Is Going to Be OK songs to a live performance?

Chris Illingworth: It sort of feels like something the audience should answer, really. [laughs] To us, it feels great. We’re really enjoying playing the music. It’s nice to be in a position where not only do we have new music but a back catalog to draw from, where we can pick and choose things that support the new music. It’s been fun developing the technology side of [the new album], making sure things translate to the stage and work as a show. Like we try to do with the album, we want to make [the live show] a journey from beginning to end, having people leave the theater feeling like they’ve experienced something pretty cool. It’s been great fun. The response to the new stuff has been really positive. It’s nice to see that because we had to take that leap of faith with this album, where we didn’t want to lose our character or core, but it felt like we needed to do something different. That can go any way possible: People could love it, people could hate it, it could attract a new audience, it could push the old one away. But it seems like fans have stuck with us and enjoy it. It’s hopefully getting some new people interested, as well.

SILY: Do you improvise when playing live?

CI: It’s a mixture. We’ve ended up chatting about this with people quite a lot, because we get labelled as jazz. It’s a tricky one. [Jazz] only describes us to a certain degree. There’s a jazz influence in there, but equal rock, drum and bass, electronica, and classical influences. We just use what we need for the music. [Some songs] we play note for note every single show, if it’s what the track needs. Other times, there are spaces for us to improvise. Tracks like “Break” have a framework, but I’m pretty much improvising from start to finish, and there’s an ending where I’m playing the head at the end of the tune and everything before that is improvisation on the themes that lead to that. It’s different every show. Improvisation is just one of the tools we can use when we need it.

SILY: There’s an obvious undercurrent of loss surrounding this album, and there are aspects of it that are certainly contemplative and mournful. But reading about the context before I dove in for the first time, I was surprised that there’s quite a groove to a lot of songs. It’d be intriguing to hear that live. How do you find occupying the same headspace on stage as you were writing and recording the record? Or do you occupy a different headspace?

CI: Good question. It’s something we think a lot about when recording, how we feel and how the music comes across when we play live and how we can capture that energy on record. That’s been the biggest challenge. We know that when we get out and play it live, we immediately have that physical connection with a crowd. It’s the same space, and everyone is sharing the same energy. On record, it’s quite a personal thing for us. We’ve written the music and try to be honest and dig deep into our experiences to put them into the music. What we try to do is think about it in a more abstract way: What feelings are we trying to convey? We’re not trying to tell a specific story [even though] there are a lot of ideas and experiences behind these tracks. There were a lot of difficult and good things, and we put all of it into the record. Some of it is quite dark and heavy, and some of it is brighter and has hope behind it. That’s where the album title comes in. 

When we get into the recording, it’s very personal. We’re in the space as a band, and there’s no one else there to bounce anything off of. You put your face in it and make the record. When we give it to people to listen to, it becomes a personal thing to them. I can’t think of a situation where you get 200-300 people in a room and everybody sits and listens to the CD. [laughs] You sit on your own with your headphones and listen to a record, and it’s a difficult thing to think of how to convey it. We have to treat [recording and live performance] separately, but we always have to think about how we’re going to play [our songs] live. We make the record the best we can make it, in whatever format serves the music best. Live, the consideration is made early on, but we explore how to do it best when [actually] on the stage.

SILY: One of the “good things” that went into this new record is your new drummer, Jon Scott. Sonically, it seems like his work is at the forefront of the record. What does Jon bring to the table different than what you’ve had before?

CI: I think the main difference has been the fact that he recognizes we think about what we’re trying to do sonically with the music, as well. There’s the emotional content and ideas we try to convey, and then there’s how we want it to sound. How do we want the piano to sound? Do we want to adapt the treatment of the piano and do things in post-production to change certain characteristics? Jon has a really good ear for that. A lot of the writing was done by me and Nick for this record--Jon had just joined us. It’s hard for someone to join so new and be an equal contributor in terms of composition, but he had a lot of ideas to bring and a very collaborative way of thinking. “Here’s this music, here’s what I can do as a drummer, but also with these instruments and sounds I’ve got.” One of the best examples is “You’re Stronger Than You Think”. When we play that tune, and there’s an 808-like beat that we play, it’s about treating the drums to make that sound, being able to create things that sound electronic without being electronic, while accompanying the other sounds that are going on. He’s very much a team player that thinks about what he can bring as an individual to serve the band and music. You can tell the record something we all made together. We always think of the band as 3 individuals--4 if you count [Joseph Reiser], our sound engineer--bringing their individual personalities to make something bigger than any of them individually. That collaborative thing, Jon’s fit really well with.

SILY: Are there any older songs he wasn’t a part of that he’s brought something unexpected to?

CI: Yeah! We’ve been playing “Protest” on this show quite a lot. It’s one of our favorites and goes down quite well with fans. It’s a good closer to a show. The type of drums and tuning of the drums that he’s got going on, the original beat just didn’t feel like it was working. It was great to see him adapt while keeping the character and the elements of it that belong to the original. He tidied and cleaned it up, and he let it breathe again even though it’s a heavy tune. He was wary that just plowing in there with loads of floor and loads of kick, it would take up a lot of space. Being the kind of drummer he is, it was interesting to [watch him] listen to it and think, “Let’s take the core of what makes this ‘Protest’ and adapt it.” He’s done that with quite a few tracks. That’s what we wanted. We made it clear right from the beginning that we didn’t want someone to come in and be a copy of Rob. We wanted to someone to be themselves. It’s quite a challenge to join a band that’s got a history, the character we’ve built, the personality people think of when they think of GoGo Penguin’s music. The ability for him to fit in and be a part of the band, he’s really nailed it.

SILY: The record has a lot of emotional peaks and valleys. The title track is the centerpiece for me, and it ends with an acceptance phase with “Sanctuary”. Do you try to do the same thing with the setlist?

CI: Absolutely. We started off with a setlist we thought was pretty solid, and then after a couple shows, we started realizing it wasn’t quite doing exactly what we wanted it to do. It’s about having a start and a finish with the journey in between and how each track should lead to the next. There are a lot of good examples in different genres, but in classical music, it’s about preparation. The element of the particular bit of the music you’re in, in one moment in time, is serving its function and saying something but also preparing you for what’s next. If you think about really good collections of music, like some of the Debussy preludes, you can look at them individually, but as a whole, each one sets the scene for what comes next. It’s like a play, drama, theater, or good films. You can really feel when it’s trying to do something in the moment and then jarringly switches to something else with no preparation or progression. It’s something we’re really keen about when playing live. It’s important for people to feel like they have that journey from the first note to the finish.

SILY: You revealed that “We May Not Stay” was inspired by sundials. When I listen to instrumental music, I like learning about context or a particular item or moment or idea that inspired something that by itself is abstract. Not everyone agrees. Do you like to reveal the more specific inspirations behind songs? How do you pick and choose when to do it?

CI: It’s been strange. This time, it feels like we’ve been a lot more open, which felt like the right time to do it. When Nick first came to me with [the inspiration], it felt relevant to what we were going through, the awareness of time passing, where it feels like the people you love you once felt were invincible or indestructible, will somebody no longer be there. The other side of that, new life appears. I had a son before COVID kicked in. He’s nearly four already, which is crazy. You only recognize that the older you get, and we’ve very much become aware of it, and have had to deal with it in a visceral way when writing. It made sense to be more open about it. There are things very personal to us, but at the end of the day, the things that are relevant to everybody, people can relate to. Everybody is going to experience life and death. It’s something we wanted to convey and chat with people about. You want to have that connection through the music. People can still take what they want through it and interpret the songs their own way, but a lot of the themes are understandable by everyone.

SILY: The album title was taken from a sticker your monitor engineer put on a bass amplifier. It obviously turned into a much bigger mantra that’s also somewhat futile: Of course, not everything will be okay all the time. But you’ve found a balance between the mantra and the reality. Did making the record help you achieve that balance?

CI: It did, definitely. It was challenging and really rewarding. It was almost like therapy at times, being able to make the record. It was amazing to be back in the studio after COVID, with the changes in the lineup, to get in there and be as close as we were as friends and musicians. Nick and I have known each other for a very long time, and it’s been amazing to see him really grow as well. He’s always been a part of the process, but he really found his feet and was able to open up on this record. It felt great to be in a position where I had more to react to. “I love the idea you brought, here’s where I think we can go with it,” rather than being the person with the original idea. 

It was incredible to feel how much was going on outside the door of the studio but to be able to have that space and concentrate on music and have a laugh. There’d be days we’d go in with the intention of writing and working and we’d end up having some nice food and chilling out together, chatting and listening to tunes. That’s what we needed sometimes. We’re lucky we’ve got that space we built ourselves that we can retreat to. I’ve talked with a lot of people about what they had to go through over COVID, isolated from family and friends. It’s heavy to hear some of those stories where it was an awful, terrible experience for people. It’s important to remember the beautiful things going on as well and to be there for the people who can’t see that, because we’ve been there. We were there in COVID and a long while after, wondering, “Is it ever going to be okay?” To have the people by you say, “Everything is going to be okay,” you know it’s not, but it reminds you that people are there for you in those moments. To have that support is a big thing.

SILY: As a side-note, it’s cool to hear that some days in the studio, you just hung out, because if there’s anything this record is not, it’s rushed sounding. It feels loose and natural.

CI: That’s good to hear. I don’t think we’ve had that in the past.

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art and general visual identity of the record?

CI: I’ve done a few of the covers for the band over the last few years. It’s always been something I’ve really enjoyed as a hobby. I like design and art and being creative other than playing the piano. On this album, we wanted to make sure we were reflecting the music and in a way where it feels like a change. We wanted to do the same thing with the [Between Two Waves] EP, moving away from the minimalistic, illustration-based stuff to something different, that felt different as soon as you saw it. The saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is nonsense because everybody does it. You go to a bookshop, and the ones with the beautiful covers stand out unless you’re looking for something specific. It’s the same with a record. It’s the first thing you see before you put the vinyl or CD on or put it on on Spotify. 

We also wanted something to reflect the character of the record. We did a lot of things musically that were new, trying new ideas and taking a leap in the direction of new instruments, technologies, composition ideas, and approaches to writing. We had to do the same with the artwork. Using different photographic elements and processing them heavily, which is what we do with the music, taking something acoustic like the piano and running it through different effects and techniques and mangling it up. The inlay of the record, we have birds on a wire, which is an image everyone can relate to. We didn’t want something too abstract. We wanted something everyone can feel at home with. It took a while to keep chipping away at it. It’s a good thing that I can do the covers and the guys are cool with it, because I’d keep chipping away. [laughs] If we had a designer, we’d have to go back to them so many times. We’d be paying more money than we’ve got to try to get a cover designed.

SILY: Are you the type of band that’s always tinkering and writing, coming up with new songs in between tours?

CI: We’ve been very busy, but ideas are brewing already when we’re in the studio. We kept pushing and working hard with all this new energy. COVID and changes with the band put everything on hold. Not only is it great to get out and do things again, but we had a rest. That was the benefit of having forced time off. We hadn’t done that for years. The creative energy is there again. I sat at the hotel bar last night chatting about ideas we want to try when we get back home. There’s a change in mindset. We’re far more in the place of, “Let’s give it a go.” What’s the worst that’ll happen if it doesn’t work? It’s not the end of the world. There are far bigger things people are having to deal with, and if people don’t like it, we’ll just move on and do something else.

SILY: Do you have to shield yourself off from other media when writing? Or do you let the media you’re experiencing subconsciously make its way into your writing?

CI: There are moments where I have [shielded myself off] that because it feels like you need that clarity and focus. I was watching Chef’s Table, which has some episodes with great advice about being creative. There was one where someone said, “There comes a day when you have to be your master.” You have to think about what you want to say and do. Sometimes, you can let influences in, other times, you need to listen to your own trains of thought.

[waltnut]

Hey!! Do you have any more lore ideas of the demon bros in their level 3/4 states? Your last post was really interesting!! :)

I do have some that’s kinda dark? Maybe even kind of NSFW-ish? I’m not sure how you’d categorize it but here it is anyway.

I’ve had this idea of when the “heat season” comes around and what is needed to be done to protect MC. This is in no way what I think happens EVERY TIME heat season comes around just an idea that I had in my head for a concept. I’ve read many wonderful Headcanons for the heat seasons for the brothers and they are all way more thought out than this lol.

The idea is that for MC’s protection, it has been tasked to keep the brothers locked up in their room or a specific location until the heat has passed. The scenario is that this is the first time MC has been there for it and Barbatos is explaining to them and showing them what is needed to be done. There are seals in every room to keep them from breaking out, for example. The seals are made for that specific demon and do not affect MC or other demons. Most of them are in Level 4 during this time but will phase into Level 3 to try to manipulate MC into letting their guard down. Each demon is given something to keep the desire at bay. If they stop receiving these things they will go into a rage.

Assume they are in Level 4 unless stated. This is specifically the brothers...Read more below.

Lucifer - Locked in his room

Mc is not allowed even on the same floor as Lucifer during this time. It is said his power and influence can affect a large radius and should you get too close, you will feel unconsciously drawn to him or where he is.

There is a seal on his door to keep him in.

You will hear nothing behind his door, it is as if no one is home.

He stalks around in his room in Level 4, with all his lights off. Ashamed of himself and his lack of control.

If he knows MC is close, or if he can no longer resist, he is able to project illusions of this form throughout the house to Lure MC or scare MC into heading closer to him. You would see these out of the corner of your eye, or red eyes in the shadows of a silhouette of a giant goat man.

Should MC enter his room, the seal does not react to humans and opening the door does not break the seal, MC will be stuck in here until it’s over. Have fun dealing with a scary goat demon in the dark.

Music is needed to keep him calm. If no music is played he will use his illusions more to terrorize others on the outside and become violent if approaching his physical form.

Mammon - Locked away in his room, in a secret cellar type room that is accessible only through his room. It’ll

To get to him, there is a door in the back of his room, that only appears for this season, magic or something. It leads down a spiral staircase where the walls are stone and you come to a large stone room that is lit by conches and it’s filled with gold and treasure and the like. It’s a dragon’s den. And it’s separated by a wall of decorative bars keeping MC on one side and the dragon on the other.

The seal is on the bars and touching the bars would repel him. But MC can touch them and stick a hand through.

He lays on his treasure and gold objects which will stick to his leathery parts on his wings and the underside of his tail and belly.

Nests of treasures, tapestry and fancy rugs are also used as paddings for his nests. There are items from ancient times, which you could only assume he’s had for centuries and his hoard has only grown since then.

If MC enters this chamber he will transform to level 3 and offer his treasures to them. He will also pout and guilt to keep MC there with him.

Treasure is given to him every hour to keep him happy. He transforms back into level 4 in a fit and will destroy his piles of treasures out of anger and upset if they choose to leave him.

If MC chooses to stay, he will dress them in his treasures and make nests for them.

Leviathan - Sealed in his large aquarium tank. Did you think it was built for the fishes?

The only light source comes from the fish tank and TVs. You can see a giant dark mass inside the tank wrapping around everything inside. It has pulsating glowing orange orbs on its form.

There are Tv’s set up in front of the glass. A lot of them. All of them are anime. There are also a lot of plushies floating in the water. To keep him company, Barbatos would say. These objects keep him calm.

If MC approaches he will turn into Level 3 and press himself against the glass with the most sad eyes. He will use words to manipulate MC into feeling guilty for him being alone and to stay there with him and watch all the shows.

If you stay too long in this room you will hear an eerie whale type song in the back of your mind. It seems to make you dizzy and makes you want to stay with him. Maybe you just might jump in the water. Who needs to breathe anyway? He probably has a solution for that.

If MC chooses to leave he will turn back into Level 4 sea monster and wail the saddest deep sea song and slam his huge body against the glass. Hopefully it stays in tact.

Satan - Locked in his room.

A green glowing wall seal separates the door area from the rest of his room. It has a shimmering flame affect but you can see through it.

His room is trashed. Books ripped to shreds, book cases fallen over, small flecks of green flame and ash are scattered on the piles.

He remains in Level 4 even if MC is in the room. And he is not nice. He is mean. He will scream and yell and swear profanities at them, and especially Barbatos since Barbatos will not let Mc go alone. He will say down right terrible things out of anger and frustration.

If MC expresses any type of upset, it’s possible Satan might notice. If he does, he will lower his voice and approach. He will apologize and begin to try to convince Mc to stay with him and read all the books.

If he is refused he will slam on the sealed wall furiously and monstrous screaming continues. His flames in his body are strong and bright.

Books are given to him every half hour as well as audiobooks of plays from every language to keep him calm.

Asmodeus - Sealed in his room, but an altered version of reality.

His room is separated by a clear glass wall with an invisible seal. On the other side there are mirrors everywhere. It’s like a fun house with how they are not in any uniform pattern. Some are cracked and broken.

There is pillows and blankets and a giant bed where there isn’t mirrors.

The mirrors are used to keep his morale low, showing his reflection in his level 4 state causes a depression to keep him from wanting to pursue others, as he is the avatar of Lust and is the most insatiable during this season.

If MC is in the room, he will actually scream and refuse for them to see him. If MC can convince for Asmodeus to show himself, he will come close to the glass barrier and black tear lines would be streaming down his face.

He will show himself in Level 3 to them to convince MC to stay and keep him company. Something about wanting to see them from every angle with all these mirrors?

If refused he will start to break the mirrors around him. The magically repair themselves eventually.

Other demons like succubi/incubi are sent to him to keep his appetite lower. But he will always prefer MC over them.

Beelzebub - Locked in a giant meat freezer storage near the kitchen.

It’s very cold in here, and there are animal carcasses hanging from meat hooks everywhere. Even things you never seen before. It’s a large cold room with tile.

Bars separate you from the monster in the middle of the room. He sits on a pile of meat and flesh, sounds of tearing can be heard. But also the raffling of chains. The bars are not enough to hold him. There are seals on the bars and metal cuffs attached to his wrists and ankles.

Steam can be seen coming off the monster form Beelzebub.

Once MC enters, he will come launch himself towards them but the chains catch him and hold him away. Barbatos will allow MC to throw him some meat but to use a rod to stick it through, like some zoo keeper feeding a lion.

It was said they didn’t start using the chains until one time he broke out and went on a feeding spree. I won’t get into details about that.

He speaks in very few words. “Closer.” Or “Stay.” are usually what he’ll snort at MC. He stares at them, licking his lips. You don’t know if it’s lust or hunger or both.

He doesn’t put up much a fuss if MC leaves, as the food is enough to occupy him.

Food fed to him by the hundreds is needed to keep him from raging.

Belphegor - Locked back up in the attic.

There is a wall of black smoke/fog that hides the rest of the room. It has light flecks off white in them, like stars.

Red eyes stare at you from inside the fog. They disappear and reappear somewhere else.

Barbatos tells you to not touch the smoke. Do not. Ever. Touch the smoke.

Level 3 arms of Belphie can reach out from the smoke to grab you.

His voice is soft and sweet but his words are not. He tells you he is always with you when you sleep. He can see your dreams. He is in them. It’s the way he says these things that are unsettling.

He can disperse the fog enough to show himself to you. He can change the fog to look like space and galaxies to entice MC to want to stay and experience it.

He will guilt trip MC, saying they’re the reason he’s here and they owe him. They need to make it up to him. He can forgive them if they stay.

If he is refused, a wave of tiredness will wash over MC. Barbatos must always accompany them and he is able to take them away before anything happens.

Incense smoke is needed to keep him calm and sedated.

Now you may be thinking...What about Barbatos?? Isn’t he affected by the season?? To that he replies...

“Oh yes, but my constitution is much stronger than the rest.”

Then perhaps you may be wondering about Lord Diavolo. To which he replies...

“It’s best you don’t set foot in the castle. Better yet, just stay in here in the house, where it’s much safer.”

[heartbrokenct]

without you - jjh

pairing idol!jung jaehyun x reader

genre fluff + the slightest bit of angst

word count 5.7k (i know)

warnings get ur tish ready b, this is-...

summary Jaehyun is sent to the US for a music study, but what he doesn’t expect is to leave with a lot more than just music theory. 

a/n i was going to make this a multi-part thing just so i could keep it short but i figured why not make it one huge fic. anyway, pls lmk if you enjoy this!

    “Oh, come on, loser. It’ll be great! Besides, what is one small blind date going to do? Nothing, exactly! So get dressed and do whatever, and be ready to go at 7.” Your friend rambled on the other side of the phone, and you rolled your eyes. 

     “How in the hell do you always manage to convince me to make the dumbest decisions?” You say, slightly annoyed. Apparently one of your cousin's friends was “on the market” and of course your cousin decided to make plans for you and this friend of theirs without even asking you beforehand. Hell, you didn’t even know what this "friend" looked like. After a few more minutes of your cousin desperately getting you to agree, you laughed and hung up, realising the time was just past 4pm, and the date was in only 3 hours. 

    Quickly jumping into the shower, you heard your phone ringing again, and assuming it was your cousin, back to bother, you ignored it and got busy getting clean and fresh. After the shower came the skincare routine, as usual, and after that the terrifying choice of “what to wear on a first date with a stranger” loomed over you as you stared at the numerous possible outfits in your closet. Sighing, you start to yank things off hangers and try them on, twirling in the mirror and doing a few greeting motions, trying to gauge what you’d look like. You caught sight of yourself as you were taking off a top, and noticed just how great you looked, instantly getting  a boost of confidence. 

   You checked your phone quickly and noticed a missed call and a few texts from an unknown number, so you unlocked it and took a closer look. 

  #### : Hey, this is Jaehyun. I got your number from your cousin, they mentioned that we should probably decide on where to go but if you don’t mind, I made some reservations at this restaurant.

  #### : Address. 

  #### : Does 7pm sound okay?

You checked the time stamp on the message, and gasp. He’d messaged you almost an hour and a half ago, so you quickly typed a few messages in response, and hoped that he wouldn’t be too upset. And you hadn’t even gotten the chance to set your phone down when it dinged again, and another message popped up on the screen. 

   Blind-date guy : Oh wow, I was beginning to think you were standing me up before the date even began. 

   Blind-date guy : I’m just joking! Please don’t stand me up again, I truly can’t go through the night again with 5 waiters giving me sympathy pats on the back. 

   At that, you let out a small laugh, and wonder suddenly if he was some creep who just emanated those vibes. Honestly, leave it up to your family to prank you like that. They mentioned he was some sort of celebrity in Korea, but was here in the states studying music. 

   Blind-date guy : Was that too much info? That was definitely too much info… Hopefully I’ll see you tonight! 

     A smile graced your features, and you gave him an affirmative response before frantically turning towards the closet with a rather worried look. The address he had sent you was of a pretty upscale restaurant, and you weren’t sure if you had anything nice enough to wear. Plus, it was almost 40 minutes away from your place, which meant almost an hour and a half with the traffic in your city. You sighed, and double checked the time. Almost 6pm. Screaming, you decided on something elegant but also pretty casual, and grabbed your favorite pair of shoes to match. After one last look over in the mirror, you snapped a pic and sent it to your cousin, who called you while you were rushing to your car to tell you just how great you looked. 

  “Jaehyun’s going to be drooling all over you. He loves that fashion style, and the fact that you just look so exquisite… yeah hopefully you wore something nice underneath too!” They quipped, and you gasped, laughing and telling them off, before thanking them quickly and hanging up. 

     Almost 75 minutes later, you got to the address Jaehyun had sent you and you marveled at the exterior of the building. It looked so wonderful, and the smell of the food emanating from inside only reminded you of how hungry you were. Rushing inside, you went up to the hostess, and said you were here under a reservation for Jaehyun. She smiled, giving you a knowing look before leading you to a table near the back where it was more quiet. 

   You knew who he was even before the hostess motioned you to the right table. He just looked kingly, and his presence seemed to draw everyone’s attention all at once. His face looked a bit nervous, but as soon as he looked at you, it seemed to drain from his face and was quickly replaced with awe. His eyes looked up and down your body and suddenly you felt the need to hide from his piercing gaze. He stood, and nodded a thank you to the hostess, then came around the table and took out your chair, allowing you to sit before tucking it in slightly. 

    “Hi-ello...Hello.” He said, his voice coming out a bit softer than he expected, and you stifled a laugh. 

    “Hi, I’m Y/n. It’s really lovely to meet you Jaehyun.” You said, and sent him a warm smile. His face seemed to go a bit red and he cleared his throat, trying a greeting again.

    “Hello Y/n. You look amazing; it’s likewise very lovely to meet you.” A short pause, and he continued, “My friend told me a lot about you, but they didn’t mention just how attractive you are. Well, not attractive- I mean yes attractive but- Like- Y'know-” He stammered, and lifted a hand to run through his hair, and somehow managed to poke his eye slightly. He let his hand drop to the table and he laughed. You let out the laugh you’d been holding and joined his, reaching over the table to grab his nervous hands softly. 

    “Thank you, please don’t hurt yourself trying to compliment me.” You joked, and paused to check out the menu as the waiter came to take your drink order. After getting over the original awkwardness and choosing a meal, the both of you fell into a comfortable conversation ranging from your careers to deep philosophical questions. You picked up on the fact that he seemed to be really proud about his career as an idol in Korea, and how he had always wanted to become a singer. His eyes lit up as he described a bit of what it was like, before he asked you about your job, and passions.

 You barely noticed when the food was placed in front of you, or when the other patrons all looked at you both talking with knowing looks in their eyes, or even when the water came by with the bill. You could only focus on this wonderfully interesting man in front of you, who was surprisingly deeper than his very apparent good looks. The waiter came by to see if the bill was ready, and the both of you stopped your conversation, and then half argued about who would foot the bill. He refused to even let you see the total cost, so in the end, you had let him win. He went to reach for his wallet before asking you another question which again distracted you from the bill and as the waiter made his second appearance, Jaehyun quickly (and rather proudly) tucked his card into the leather folder all while giving the waiter an apologetic smile. You watched him, your head tilted to one side and a soft smile played on your lips as his dimples made their comeback on his face. He turned to you and then grabbed a hold of his drink, making eye contact with you over the rim. 

   “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, and you cleared your throat, shaking your head. 

   “Oh… Just admiring from afar.” You said, and he seemed to get a tad flustered. You let out a laugh through your nose, and the waiter came by with Jaehyun’s card. 

   “How much was the dinner? It wasn’t too much was it?” You ask again, and he shakes his head. 

   “I’m the one who made the reservation so I gladly paid for it. Don’t worry about it at all, okay?” He said, in a soft tone, and stood coming around to your side of the table and holding out his hand. 

   “Shall we?” He said, and you raised your eyebrows while putting your hand into his. He gripped it as he led you out of the restaurant and then stopped outside, looking up at the sky. You checked your phone, and saw the time read 11:17pm. 

   “Already?” You mumbled out loud subconsciously, but Jaehyun caught it. 

   “Already what?” He said, and looked at you, peering down at the screen of your phone. He noted the time, and sighed. 

   “Ah, did I keep you too long? If you’re taking public transit or a cab home, let me drive you. Since it’s late.” He said, and raised his eyebrows waiting for a response. You smirked, and rummaged around your belongings before producing your keys, and you jangled them in front of his face. 

   “I’ve got a ride, but thank you. It’s been a wonderful evening. Everything and more.” You said, a smile plastered on your face. He gave you one of his own, dimples and all, and you melted. 

   “Well good. If you’d like… maybe we could do this again? I’ll be in the states for another few months, for my music study.” He said, and you nodded, suddenly hit with the fact that he was some celebrity, but you hadn't seen a single crazed fan anywhere tonight. Nonetheless, you said your goodbyes, and gave him a hug before walking to your car. You missed the way he stared at you as you walked away and smiled to himself. He missed your creased brow as you wondered if it was even worth pursuing him. 

-

     A few dates and three months later, you were sprawled out on Jaehyun’s couch after a long day at your job. He was currently in the shower, leaving your eyes to roam around. The last time you’d been here you hadn’t really stopped to look around, and as those thoughts flooded to the front of your mind, you felt your face heating up. Suddenly the shower turned off, and you straightened up, trying to push the memories out of your mind, as a half clothed Jaehyun walked around into the living area. 

   “Hey, stranger, long time no see.” He said, walking over and leaving a soft but chaste kiss on your lips. You smiled at him and stood, using one finger to push him away by his chest. 

   “Hey yourself, stranger, I suggest you get dressed before we get really well acquainted with one another.” You said, and your eyes flicked down to the edge of the towel that was currently the only thing wrapped around him. He smirked and tried to pull you closer to him, and just as your lips were about to connect, his phone rang. He sighs and lets his head drop, and apologises before quickly picking up the phone. 

   “Yes, Hello?” He said into the phone, and suddenly his back tensed. You frowned, looking at his suddenly stiff muscles, and wanted to reach out to comfort him but something in your gut told you to hold off. He huffed angrily into the phone and let his head fall back, looking up at the ceiling. He finished his call, and turned to you with an upset look on his face. You pouted and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

   “An emergency came up. I have to fly back to Korea early.” He said, dejectedly. 

   “How much earlier?” You ask, afraid to ask. Truthfully, you knew this time was coming. The time when this weird three month long fling would come to an end, but you had decided to pursue it anyway. You knew that you’d end up hurt and he’d move on to whoever in Korea while you’d be left back here picking up the pieces of your heart. But his face twisted into one of empathy and he swallowed down his tears. 

   “A few weeks early. My manager said my flight is… next Thursday.” He said, and you gasped. He came up to you, and enveloped you into a huge hug, just holding you tightly against him. The smell of your shampoo invaded his senses and the only thing he wanted was to hold you like that forever. He suddenly remembered everything that he left back in Korea. His career, the rest of the members, his family. Everything was there, but you were here. You had changed his life in these past few weeks more than all his 23 years of experience had. More than his music study could ever teach him. And now, with just a few days left to be here with you, he found himself dreading going back. 

   “Jae?” You mumbled into his bare chest. 

   “Hm?” He answered, still holding on to you. 

   “Can you go put on some clothes and let’s just chill at home?” You responded and shifted your gaze so that you were looking at him. He peered at you and smiled, before leaving a kiss on your forehead and going to quickly change into some loungewear. 

   About 5 minutes later, he strode back into the living are where you’d made yourself comfortable on one of the couches. He smiled and threw himself next to you with a grunt, and grabbed you close to him as you cuddled up together. 

-

     Jaehyun had asked you to accompany him to the airport and see him off, but as you woke up on the day, you dreaded having to see him off. He texted you, and you responded that you’d be there. After all, you were in love with the guy. 

   You rolled out of bed and took a super fast shower, then got ready and jumped in the car. His flight was in just a few hours, but you wanted to make sure that he was there on time. As you pulled up to his apartment and went up to his door, you tried to hold back your emotions. He seemed intent on going back the past few days, and even mentioned that he was excited to leave and see his family and work again. Little did you know he was just trying to convince himself that it was the right choice. 

 You couldn’t help but think that some of the moments you shared weren’t as special for him than they were for you as you took the elevator up to his apartment. Before you even had the chance to knock on the door, he swung it open and you were greeted with a red eyed, puffy faced Jaehyun. You instantly could tell he had been crying, and you stepped in, pulling him into the biggest hug, which he returned with such ferocity it almost knocked you over. He let out a muffled sob and your heart broke into a million pieces. You gently pried him off of you, and calmed him long enough for him to tell you what was wrong but in between his breathy crying and staggered breathing, you could barely understand, so you just held him as he let it out. 

   The one part of his ramblings that you did catch however made your heart skip a beat. 

   “A-and you...these months-” A few sniffles, “So good, -nd I don't wanna go-” A soft ragged breath, “b-cause you are my everything…” He said, and then stopped. You felt his heartbeat quicken at what he just confessed, and you tried to steel your emotions 

   “Jae, I know. We grew close and these past few months have been fun, but that’s it. You have a career and your whole life in Korea, and you deserve to go and live it out and follow your dreams, like you told me you always wanted to do.” You said, tears pricking your own eyes. He suddenly shifted off of you and gave you an incredulous look. 

   “Just fun? Just fun?” He said, his voice rising a little. “So all this time, this was just a fling for you. You made me fall in love with you and now you’re telling me it was just fun? You’re saying that if I asked you to come with me you’d say no and tell me this is what? One sided? That you don't feel like this is the worst mistake?” He said, and you folded your arms over your chest. There was no way that you’d stand in the way of his career, no matter how much of a bad guy it would make you. He would get over it soon, and continue and be a world famous singer… Right? 

  You thought that is what he wanted, but as his words wash over you and you understand the depth of the relationship between the two of you. Something clicks in your mind but you don’t speak. You just stand there and look  down at the floor. 

   His breath catches in his throat and he mutters a quiet but forceful, “get out.” And you follow suit. Sighing and holding back tears of your own, you step out of his apartment and head out to the car, knowing that at some point he’d have to come down since you were his ride to the airport. As awkward as that one hour car ride was going to be, you didn’t have much of a choice, as before everything went down, he made sure that you were the only one to see him off. 

   A couple of minutes later, a puffy faced angry Jaehyun appeared at your passenger side door, and he knocked aggressively on the window, jutting his thumb to the back of the car. 

   “Open the trunk.” He mouthed, and the already thick tension only grew as you nervously opened the trunk and waited for him to climb in the car. He opened the door, and then slammed it with such force you thought the door was going to snap off. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes as you drove, and when you pulled into the freeway, you decided to speak. 

   “Listen-” You started, and he interrupted you with a raised hand. You heard him take a loud breath, and then he began to speak. 

   “I know you’re driving and your attention has to be on the road but please, hear me out.” He pleaded with you, and the desperate tone in his voice sent the waterworks your way again. 

“It's true. Without you, I can’t live. I can’t eat or sleep, or breathe without thinking about you. Everything that you did to me was so ethereal. You changed my life so much in these three months. I can’t begin to describe how hard it is for me to go. Honestly, when my company suggested that I come to the states for the music study I was skeptical because I already know music theory and production. But it was the best decision of my life. And now you’re sitting here telling me that this isn't-” He said and the tears began to spill on his face again. You gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to keep your eyes focused on the road ahead, but the emotion in Jaehyun’s voice was getting to you as well, and a few rogue tears slid down your cheeks. 

   “I know you can’t just leave your life behind here, but I really really want you to. I want you to come to Korea and live with me, and we can be happy. I can introduce you to my family and the other members, and it’ll be so good. I can ask the company to find you an apartment and we can-” he continued, but you stopped him. 

   “Jaehyun. You and I both know that as soon as you get back, you’ll be so busy that we won’t have time to see each other. You’re about to have a major comeback and I don’t even know Korean so it’ll be hard for me to even assimilate there. I really really want to put my whole life on hold but… How can I?” You say, and the hurt is clearly evident on your face as the both of you have tears streaked faces. The rest of the ride is relatively quiet, but at some point, Jaehyun reaches over and rests his hand on your thigh as a signal for a truce. 

   He sniffles and leans his head back on the headrest, eyes squeezed shut as you pull into the airport parking lot. After finding a space, and getting his luggage out of the trunk, he takes your hand and you both go inside. He checks in, and you start to head over to the security checkpoint, which you were not allowed to pass.

   “Please, promise me that you’ll stay in touch and we won’t be like those couples who promise and then never do and they grow apart. I seriously cannot live without you.” he said, while pulling you to face him. A couple of people were starting to gather, and by the looks of it they recognized Jaehyun, so you sent him a sad smile and gave him a huge hug, never wanting to let go. The both of you pulled away, and he grudgingly went to the passport check. Just before he disappeared behind the security checkpoint, he turned and locked eyes with you, and even from this far you knew he was sending you a soft, sad smile. Not a “goodbye”, but rather a “see you soon.”

Four Months Later

   You rushed to shove on your shoes and grab all of your luggage as you heard your cousin impatiently honking outside of your apartment building. You had been planning to surprise Jaehyun for a few weeks, and asked them to come and take you to the airport. You left your apartment and quickly went over to a neighbor's where you asked them to take care of some plants and to pick up your mail each day. The middle aged woman agreed, and happily took your keys, wishing you a safe flight and travels. 

  You thanked her as you flew down the hallway, and heard her chuckling just before you rounded the corner and smashed the call button for the elevator. You knew it wouldn’t come any faster if you kept pressing the button, but you did it anyway. The nerves kicked in as you descended in the metal box, and ran out to your cousin’s car. They flung the door open for you, and you threw your bag into the backseat before hopping in. The drive was filled with some laughs and the memories from your last trip to the airport came suddenly flooding back. It had been only a few months ago that you had driven Jaehyun to the airport and had your first teary-eyed farewell. 

   Since then, you both called at least once a week, but texted every day. You slowly became more interested in NCT, his group, and even started talking to a few of his other English-speaking members, who all welcomed you with excited messages. You had been learning Korean with Mark and Johnny, to surprise Jaehyun, and not to toot your own horn, but you’d been getting pretty good! You could now communicate at it’s most basic sense of the word, and at least order food and ask for traveling directions. You smiled as you pulled up your conversation with Jaehyun, and read some of the new messages.. 

   Jaehyun : Babe! Have you had the chance to watch our m/v yet? It came out like a few hours ago! 

   Jaehyun : You really should watch it and let me know what you think. I wrote the lyrics with Johnny-hyung this time. I think you’d be proud.

   Jaehyun : Yo babyyyy….? 

   Jaehyun : Babe? Ah you’re probably busy. Ok call me when you watch it so i can see your reaction!

You smiled at all the messages, and sent him a quick “I’m at work, call you later, love you.” and then thought about how you’d explain away being inactive for your 13+ hour flight. You sighed, and locked your phone, then leaned your head back. 

   Your cousin pulled into the drop-off lane at the airport. You looked at them with a grateful smile, and gave them an awkward hug over the center console which they returned. As soon as you grabbed all of your belongings and double checked for your wallet and passport, you waved them goodbye, and they sped off. You turned and walked into the airport, and after a tiring 45 minute ordeal through check-ins and security, you finally made it to your gate. You took out your phone while you waited for the flight to board, and saw a few messages from Mark who was also in on the surprise. He said that him and Johnny managed to get you a company car to pick you up from the airport, but that you’d have to find your own housing. 

   “Shouldn’t be too hard…” You mumbled, and replied to him before searching for hotels in the Seoul area. There were a few upscale locations, but you decided to also check Airbnb for any long-term residence options. You came upon a sweet little apartment near Itaewon , which was about a 45 minute drive from the SM campus. You searched for anything cheaper or closer, but after not finding anything, you quickly booked the location for a 2 week period. You smiled happily, having one less thing to worry about on your flight, and then heard the “All-Passengers Now Boarding” message, so you grabbed all of your things again, and huddled in the line. You had been lucky to find a good deal on a seat in the economy class, so you took your seat near the front of the plane, having a rather great view out the window. You smiled and relaxed as a kind looking lady sat down next to you, and you fell into a comfortable conversation as the rest of the passengers were seated and the plane took off. She told you a few stories about how her family was all in Korea but she visited the US to see her daughter who just had a baby. You smiled at her story, and she patted your hand. 

   “You go to Korea? What do you have in Korea?” She asked tentatively, and you told her your love story. You left out the part about him being a singer, thinking she might not believe you, and she smiled warmly, and recounted a few stories from her youth about her and her now late husband. You smiled, and upon checking your phone, saw that you’d managed to pass a few hours of your time swapping stories. A steward announced that passengers could now use their in-flight wifi, and you quickly took out your phone to see a few missed calls from your cousin (who probably just wanted an update) and a few tests from none other than Jaehyun himself. 

   Jaehyun : Baby, I have the night off… are you still at work? We should call. 

   Jaehyun :  Please? I really want to see your pretty face, I miss you.

   Jaehyun :  Ahhh, come on, I know you’re not busy because we usually call at this time… 

You stifled a laugh, and rolled your eyes softly at his antics. He was always begging to see you, and now you didn’t know how to remedy the situation and not expose your location. You got an idea and ran to the lavatory, which was thankfully unlocked. After fishing your headphones from your pocket, you plugged them in and asked if he was free at the moment, and before you were even able to respond he was already video calling you. You laughed and hit the accept button, and smiled at the camera. 

   “Hi! Oh- I missed your face so much, you beautiful work of art…” His voice rang into your headphones, and you saw his eyebrows furrow as he drew the phone close to his face to see the screen. 

   “Where are you?” He said, brows still furrowed, and you smiled, trying to look as genuine as you could, 

   “I’m in the restroom at this little place, I wanted to take some time out and just treat myself, you know?” You said, and technically you were vague enough to not lie, and somehow he didn't press for any more information. 

   “Oh, baby that's good that you get to do something nice for yourself… Have you watched the m/v yet?” He asked, impatiently and you already knew he just wanted you to stroke his already inflated ego. You laughed, and he smiled widely, and shook your head. 

   “ I haven't but I swear I will as soon as I get home tonight? I know it’ll be late but you have to promise to wait for me!” You say, and he tiredly laughs. 

   “I promise to wait for your call tonight babe, I don’t think I’ll even sleep peacefully until I hear your opinion on the m/v.” He said, and you laughed. After a few more minutes of talking, you told him that there were others waiting to use the restroom, and after an insurmountable nu be of "I love you"s and "Yes, I'll call you later"s, you hung up just before you exited the lavatory. You spent the rest of the time napping and sometimes chatting with the lady seated next to you, who had a multitude of interesting things to tell you. You’d lost track of time, and only noticed when the stewards and stewardesses came by with lunch trays. 

  After that, you fell into a deep sleep, and only woke when the “Please Fasten your seatbelts for landing” messages were being played on the intercom. You hastily buckled it, and the nervousness started to kick in once again. The lady next to you must have sensed it because she reached over and gave your hand a sympathetic squeeze, and reassured you that “He will be excited to see you. I promise”. 

  After the landing and a rough battle through customs, you finally made it to the gates where onlookers waited for their friends and family to walk out. You spotted a man holding a paper with your name on it, and went over, greeting him formally and returning his polite smile. He took your things and led you to a nondescript car, where he put your things in the trunk and held the back door open for you to get in. Once settled, he asked if you would give him an address, or if he should take you to the SM building. 

   “SM building, please.” You say, hoping that you were using the correct verbage and honorifics. The driver’s eyebrows raised, and he made eye contact with you in the mirror. In a soft broken English he complimented your Korean, and said he was surprised that you knew pronunciation so well. You smiled and thanked him, and explained that some friends had helped you study it before coming. He nods, and the rest of the ride is spent in a comfortable silence.

    An hour and a half-ish later, the car pulled into the parking lot of the SM building, and you almost burst out of the car in excitement. You’d been texting with Mark and Johnny in a private group chat, and they said Jaehyun had fallen asleep waiting for you to call him somewhere in a waiting room. You were shown into a side entrance, so as to avoid any prying eyes, and you quickly met up with the aforementioned boys, who greeted you with wide smiles and big hugs. They led you around the building and showed you a few of the locations that you’d seen before in videos and on call with Jaehyun. 

  You smiled fondly as you followed them around and they led you into a small room with couches lining the sides, and a few tables thrown in the middle. And you saw him. Him. 

  He was slouched against one of the couches, chin to shoulder and out cold. An innocent look was on his face as he slept and as you admired him, Johnny and Mark said they'd wait for you guys downstairs and left. 

  You gently set down your small bag on a table and silently made your way over to your sleeping boy. Smiling, you sat on his lap, legs straddling his thighs and he stirred from his sleep with a sharp intake of breath. His eyes fluttered open and he made eye contact with you, staring into your eyes with a confused glare. You put your hands on his shoulders, and then moved them up to his face, cupping his cheeks as you sent him a smile. 

  "Y/n…? I-Is this… Am I still dreaming?" He whispered and you laughed, answering, 

  "No, you're not dreaming. I'm here… kiss me." You said, and he immediately obliged, closing the distance between your lips. His hands finally made their way around your waist, and he pulled you closer to his chest, and smiled into the kiss. 

  "What? How? How did you even find me?" He said, breathlessly and you explained to him the whole story from beginning to end. He listened with a marveling look on his face, and let his head drop as he smiled shyly. 

  "Well I am so glad you're here. I missed you so much, you've got no idea. Korea isn't half as fun without you." He said, and you sat and caught up for a few minutes, before you remembered the other two who were waiting. 

  "Johnny and Mark are waiting for us! They said we should go out to get some late-night food." You quickly said and climbed off of Jaehyun's lap as he stood and stretched. He gathered his things and you yours and just before you two set out the door, he took your hand in his and placed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. 

 "Have I ever told you how much I love you, Y/n?" 

 "Everyday."

[deejadabbles]

Crimson Portrait (Seto Kaiba x Reader)

So as I said in my drabble a couple days ago, I’m wanting to write some short fics to get back into the swing of things and I wanted to gift said drabbles to some mutual I adore. Next on my list is @ohyema​ the top Vampire and Yugioh enthusiast on this site! I’m sure you’ve all seen her amazing art floating around already, but in case not please check out her stuff (and reblog the heck outta it!), the way she colors her pieces and adds dramatic flair is something I aspire to tbh <3 

For this fic I decided to spread my proverbial wings and write Seto for a change (don’t get used to this though, Kaiba fans, I’m still not a Kaiba stan lol) and I hope you enjoy our dark, mysterious blood thirsty, CEO ;)

You gulped, eyes traveling up the metal and glass of the building as though counting each towering floor would make it any less intimidating. It wasn’t just the size, of course, it was the marble path spread out in front of the entry, it was the literal red carpet on the other side of doors- it was the gold etching and suited man around said doors! You found yourself clutching the portfolio case under your arm even tighter to your chest. Subtle lights brightened the edges of the building, though you were sure they were meant to make it shine like a beacon of wealth at night, rather than give it any cheer or levity. 

This was by far the fanciest place you had ever been and the doorman casting a glance at you made you tug at your clothes for probably the seventeenth time since heading here. The outfit was fine, you reminded yourself; professional, but simple. Nothing that would impede your movements and work, all while still being close enough to your true fashion to offer you some self assurance. And you needed every ounce of self assurance possible right now.

After taking in a long, deep breath and straightening your posture, you started for the door. Despite the high chance that he was suspicious of you, the doorman pulled on the finely crafted handle and allowed you entry with a polite bow, nothing less. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to acknowledge him, but you returned the silent respect automatically. Then again, it didn’t really matter if you broke etiquette, you weren’t the high-class that lived here anyway.

The lobby was just as fancy as the outside. Your shoes clicked on more marble floors, and rich colored walls wearing frames of fine art surrounded you. There was a large wooden desk to one side, and the receptionist behind it clocked you as a non-resident, because she instantly greeted you with a “can I help you, miss?”

“Um- yes! Yes, I’m here to visit Mr. Seto Kaiba?” you followed the claim with your name and silently praying that was all you needed. The only way you were getting passed the front desk was if Kaiba (or his assistant) left your name with the attendant.

With a polite smile plastered on her face, she nodded and typed something quick on a computer obscured by the large backing of the desk. “Ah yes, Mr. Kaiba is expecting you. Please take the center elevator, he’s on floor 40.”

She waved her hand to the other side of the lobby, where three elevators with doors as clean and reflective as new mirrors stood. You gave her a quick thank you before following her instructions. The inside of the elevators were just as polished, the metallic sides reflecting your image. 

As the floors passed by, you checked to make sure the journey here hadn’t ruffled your appearance any, tucking hairs back into place, swiping your hand over the pristine portfolio briefcase, tugging at your hems yet again. You almost jumped when the elevator dinged, announcing your arrival at the top floor. You waited a few heart beats, long enough to start worrying you had the wrong floor- until it finally slid open.

The apartment was dimly lit, all the ceiling lights set to a dull, intimate glow one might see in a fancy bar. Then a different wave of nerves overcome you, hopefully this guy didn’t have the wrong idea of what service you were providing. 

“Are you going to come in, or continue wasting my time?”

You did jump that time, especially with how impatient the deep rumble of a voice sounded. With hurried steps you entered the apartment and ventured down the short hallway, following the voice. The hallway quickly opened into an expansive room, a couch, coffee table, TV, and desk on one side, and a kitchen, breakfast bar, dining table, and wet bar on the other. On the living room side, where the desk’s back sat, there was a large floor-to-ceiling window, the curtains pulled back to reveal the spiderweb of city lights and life beyond. 

Of course, what really drew your attention was the man standing in front of the window.

He hadn’t turned from the view to look at you let alone greet you, hands tucked in his pockets as he watched the pulsing city life. He wore a white suit, with a blue button-up shirt and a dark blue tie, making for nice, clean lines for your portrait. Seto Kaiba. A household name in most countries, the secretive CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world who’s fame for innovation was only matched by his notorious hermit tendencies. He appeared on magazines often enough, but many pointed out that they were likely deliberate presentations to the world. Deliberate to alleviate rumors because, besides them, neither Kaiba nor his younger brother were ever seen out in public and even rather rarely in their own corporate buildings.

You weren’t exactly someone who bought into that celebrity gossip, but it was still rather surreal seeing him in person like this.

“You can set up on the other side of the desk,” he started, still not turning from the window. “This is the background I want, I expect you to be able to handle it considering the portraits on your online portfolio.”

You tried not to gulp, “Of course, but it may take me an extra session or two to get the details.”

“As long as it’s done before I return to Domino,” he answered in a drawl, then, finally turned to face you. He placed a slender hand on the back of the leather desk chair, and you quickly made yourself busy with setting up. 

You felt that nerve-wracking, almost burning sensation of eyes watching you, and you could just imagine the icy blue of the eyes, remembering how Kaiba’s gaze always pierced through the magazine covers and into the viewer. Instead of thinking of how hawk-like he was watching you, you focused on how challenging and fun it will be to capture that quality in your painting.

Once your blank canvas was set up and your tools were spread out, ready for use, you finally locked eyes with the man. “I’m ready when you are, Mr. Kaiba, please take whatever pose you feel most comfortable with.” You had to ignore the shiver that ran down your spine, especially when he held your gaze for a moment more before finally shifting his stance.

After some verbal redirecting so his pose looked the best and got the key parts of the cityscape behind him, you actually got started on the canvas. Tokyo Tower stood like a sentinel behind him, making for nice framing, and he was a natural at posing, of course choosing one that was strong and commanding to the onlookers. 

It was quiet as you worked, he wasn’t playing any music, nor offering any chitchat. It was only then that you realized just how alone you two were in the penthouse, didn’t rich dudes like him have platoons of bodyguards?

Within the free seconds you had between maping your piece, your mind wandered back to the rumors surrounding the Kaiba family and their reclusiveness. Tales of Kaiba insisting on specially tinted windows for all his buildings and never being seen in the light of day led to some interesting ones. Mostly conspiracies about him being the secret illegitimate son of royalty, and inheriting hemophilia from said parentage. Now, noting how pale he looked against the background of vibrant city lights, you could slightly understand buying into that rumor. 

Not only that, but, the more glances you took while working, the more you noticed just how...sickly the man looked. His cheeks were a bit sunken, made worse by the dark circles under his eyes And on top of that, there was a sore redness around his eyes that was seeming to get worse every time you peered passed your canvas. None of his magazine pictures ever showcased these...unwell qualities. He must just be tired, you decided, being a CEO likely didn’t allow for much sleep, and here he was posing for a portrait late at night.   

You were just finishing up his outline when you decided attempt conversation. If he didn’t like it he would just tell you to shut up, after all.

“I was actually pretty surprised when you hired me, most people don’t bother with traditional portraits any more.”

There was awhile of silence, where Kaiba’s eyes flickered towards you before staring off to the other side of the room again. Your were just taking the mental note not to try a conversation again, when-

“It was my brother’s idea. I always look ahead, and cut out traditions and old ways that no longer serve me. But, he made the point that there are some classics still worth something. Besides, improving things like canvas portraits with modern settings was appealing.”

You found yourself smiling and nodding along, “Yeah, I really like the idea of having the city in the background, it’ll make for a really unique piece!” 

After picking your next brush, you peered over to refresh your mental image of the scene, only to find him staring at you again. His expression was rather indecipherable, and though his eyes were almost hooded the rest of his features were as blank as an empty page. Your heart was practically beating in your ears as you stayed transfixed in his gaze, which you swore were actually hued in red now, instead of solid icy blue.

A sound similar to a squeak, and you finally broke the contact to flick your gaze down to the hand resting on the back of the desk chair. His fingers were a sickly white, seeming to have no blood in them as his nails dug into the leather with a grip so strong he might be on the verge of puncturing the fabric.

Feeling that nervous heat again you quickly averted your gaze back to the canvas, even going as far as to shuffle behind it just slightly as though you could hide.

That didn’t help, much like when you were setting up, you could feel his gaze burning into you. Maybe he was offended, upset that you stared back at him, but he had no right to judge considering he was staring first! Seriously what was with this guy?

You weren’t sure how much time passed after that, it felt like an eternity but you were sure it wasn’t much longer than a half hour or so. You only stole glances at him when you absolutely felt like you had to refresh your mental image of the scene before giving another stroke of the brush. You avoided any eye contact even then and managed to skim over his face only once, during which you noted any previous color in his cheeks had vanished completely, but that was beside the point. You were just telling your brain to stop conjuring up theory’s on why he looked so sick and biting your tongue to keep from asking if he was alright when-

“We’re done for the night, you can continue tomorrow.”

If the sudden dismissal wasn’t enough to snap your attention back to him, the heavy breath within the words was. Your eyes snapped up to Kaiba and before you even registered his movement you were jumping from a harsh thud! He had removed his hand from the chair so swiftly that it spun and thudded into the desk with enough force to crack furniture of a lesser quality. 

Now Kaiba was pacing around his desk, gaunt jaw clenched so tight he might very well chip a tooth. Not wanting to argue with someone who apparently had the mood swings of an angst-ridden teen, you planned to start packing up without a word. However, just as he passed the coffee table, Kaiba took in a sharp breath and doubled over so fast he barely caught himself on the glass top.

Empathy won in a heartbeat and before you could reconsider you were by his side saying a frantic, “Are you okay? Mr. Kaiba you look sick, should I call a-?”

The concerned questions died in your throat and so too did a scream when something too red and too luminous to be eyes flashed up at you. The next moment something was wrapping around the prison that held your words and scream. The third moment your back was slammed none too gently into a wall you could have sworn was half a room away and a body colder than any you had felt before was pressing into you.

Eyes wide, body held still with fear, all you could do was take in a few shallow breaths as Kaiba’s mouth hovered over your neck. One heart thundering in your ears, two heartbeats, three-

But nothing happened. 

The hand pressing into your clavicle hadn’t tightened, and the mouth hovering dangerously close had not moved in for the kill (proverbial or otherwise), rather, Kaiba’s body seemed to be as frozen as yours.

Or at least you thought it was. A moment later you finally registered that Kaiba was shaking. Not violently by any means, hell, it was barely notable, but he was definitely shaking, as if he was trying to keep sickly shivers from wracking his body. His other hand moved up to grip your upper arm then, and his fingers were tight but not quite painful as he held you there.

“I shouldn’t have kept our appointment.”

The words were so shocking to your reeling mind that you almost didn’t register them. They were said lowly, in something akin to a growl or rumble.

“I should have told you to get out the moment I-”

Something on the other side of the condo sounded, a ding you had heard when first arriving on the floor, and not a second later footsteps were thundering.

“Seto!”

The youthful voice almost snapped you back to your sense enough to move, maybe even break free of his hold, but in that same moment  you felt something sharp graze the skin of your neck as Kaiba’s face turned to meet the newcomer.

Thankfully your recovered control wasn’t needed, as the moment Kaiba locked sites on the newcomer, he released his hold on you. In a fearful blink as you recovered your balance, you saw Kaiba make his way across the room faster than any human possible could.

That’s when you saw who had intervened; Mokuba Kaiba, the youth of the Kaiba empire. He was looking pale and worried, looking between his brother and you as Seto snatching something out of his hands. 

You caught the sight of something encasing red as Seto tore the package open, but he halted long enough to growl another command, “You need to leave, now.”

Your legs were finally able to move again, when you caught site of something that confirmed the impossible theories running though your head: sharp, pearly fangs were flashing between Seto’s lips.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Best Friends - Julian Spitzer (Mrs. Fletcher)

So, I watched Mrs. Fletcher recently...and omg Julian is the absolute cutest soft boy ever. I lob him bery much.

~~~~~~~~~~

Julian and I met in high school. We were both somewhat of outcasts and had a lot of the same bullies, so we had a lot to bond over.

Besides sharing Brendon Fletcher as our main bully, we also got along really well and had even more things in common. Same interests in music and moral and such.

The first time we met was actually when he was getting pushed around by Brendon. I saw this and intervened. I wasn’t that picked on before that, but I pissed off Brendon and damaged his fragile male ego. So in turn, I got bullied a lot more.

Julian felt bad about it, so he tried to ignore me so that I wouldn’t get bullied by association. It just made me want to be his friend even more.

Over time, we kept each other’s backs every time we got harassed. Julian didn’t really have much of a choice to not be my friend at that point. But in the end, we bonded really well and he was glad he had someone to rely on.

Now that high school was over, it was a big stress reliever for both of us. We both decided to go to community college. Julian was very intelligent and I believed he could get into any Ivy League he wanted, but he was too scarred by high school to do so.

In my case however, I didn’t really have a great GPA due to some...depressive states during school. So, community college was really my only option, but I didn’t mind it all that much. At least I got to be with Julian.

Julian and I pretty much had all the same general education classes, which made us both happy. But we were able to choose an extra curricular course, that was the only class we differed from. He chose some writing class and I chose theatre.

I teased Julian that he could totally fit the role of theatre kid, but he wanted to write more. I just had to suck it up, we couldn’t be together 24/7...unfortunately.

Being so protective of each other, I kind of developed a major crush on him over the years. It was problematic at times. I made sure Julian stayed oblivious though, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

For some reason, Julian and I were at a party. An off to college type party. Surprisingly, Julian was the one who suggested it, to which I laughed until I realized he was serious.

I was absentmindedly circling the brim of my red solo cup filled with cheap, bitter beer. I wasn’t really a drinker, but I felt I had to be just a little bit buzzed to survive this party full of former jocks.

I didn’t really listen as Julian was keeping up a pleasant conversation with a couple people, feeling my apathy starting to act up.

I gasped when I felt the lukewarm beer splash in my face. I turned to see Brendon guffawing with his friends, finding it so hilarious that he kept throwing pieces of candy at me.

“What the fuck?” Julian shouted when he felt candy being thrown at him as well.

Brendon suddenly smiled wide. “Spitzer! Y/L/N!” He kept throwing candy at us. “That one was an accident, actually. Hold on.” He threw more.

“Oh, no. I’m being attacked by a cool guy with...candy.” Julian said, making you giggle the huff when you kept getting hit by the hardened sugar.

“Couldn’t you just bully us online? It’s like, what people do now.” Julian said.

Brendon smirked and walked up to us, throwing a wink my way. “Way more fun in person.”

I felt my blood boil just by looking at his face. “You’re gonna get to college and everybody’s gonna see exactly what you are, you know that right?” I spat, Julian looking at me proudly.

Brendon had a somewhat confused expression on his face, but chuckled. “That is some deep stuff, Y/N. Real deep.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to Julian. “Let’s just get out of here.” I said, taking his hand, but Brendon stopped us.

“Don’t, wait. Sorry, okay? Like...I feel like I was a dick to you, both of you. All though high school.” Brendon said.

I scoffed, remembering all the horrible shit he did to both of us. “Yeah?” Julian said.

“Uh, I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Then why the hell were you even like that, huh?” I fussed at him.

Brendon avoided our eyes and looked down. “Ah, is that your phone?” He asked Julian.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Why don’t we end on a good note, take a picture.” Brendon forcefully grabbed Julian’s phone. “Let’s take a selfie, yeah?” He started to grab both of us, bringing us closer to his body.

Julian and I both struggled against the jock’s grip. I let out a frustrated huff when I felt Brendon’s hand grope my tit slightly. I knew it probably wasn’t an accident...asshole.

Brendon lifted up the phone and flipped the camera to selfie mode. “High school forever!” He said in a high pitched tone and snapped the picture, the product being blurry due to our struggle.

The douche finally let us both go. “Can I have my phone back now?” Julian asked annoyed.

“Yeah, of course.” Brendon said, dunking the phone into my red solo cup.

“Fucking asshole!” Julian yelled, immediately taking his now beer covered phone out of the cup. “Fuck.”

“You need some rice.” Brendon teased and walked away.

I huffed angrily, storming up to Brendon despite Julian’s protests. I tapped on his shoulder harshly and he turned around, wearing a smug smirk. “Eat shit, asshole.” I said, thrusting my cup up to his face.

Brendon’s face was drenched in beer, and my cup was now empty. He wiped the beer from his eyes and looked at me with a glare, raising his fist.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the painful impact, hearing the thud of colliding skin. But I didn’t feel any pain.

I turned to see Julian with a now bruised cheek. “Cunt.” Brendon spat as he passed me.

I quickly went to Julian, who was smiling slightly, showing his slightly blood coated teeth. “I’m so sorry, Julian.” I tried not to cry.

Julian shook his head. “Don’t be. Let’s just get out of here, like you said.”

I nodded, taking Julian’s hand once more and leading him out of the packed house and to my car. “Fucking limped dick asshole, piece of shit...” I continued mumbling profanities as I gripped my steering wheel tightly, making my knuckles turn white.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Julian looking at me with an eyebrow raised. “You good?” He asked nervously.

I huffed. “Yep. Perfect.”

“Uh...sure you are.”

“Brendon is such an asshole!” I raised my voice, making Julian flinch. “...sorry.”

The rest of the drive to Julian’s house was silent, not an uncomfortable silence but not comfortable either. “I’m sorry about tonight, Jules.” I whispered.

Julian smiled weakly, rubbing my shoulder gently. “At least he punched me and not you.” He said, making me blush. Thankfully, the headlights of the car didn’t illuminate my face that much.

“So, see you at school?” I smile at him.

Julian grinned and nodded. “I will.”

                                            ⚫ ⚫ ⚫

The next couple days were a blur, just preparing for the first week of college classes. I was excited, mostly for the hopefully pleasant experience of meeting nice people and helpful professors.

And of course, seeing Julian.

I wanted to carpool with him, but he insisted on taking his skateboard everywhere during the day. Thankfully, he was going to allow me to drive him to his only night class.

I walked down the decently busy halls of one of the many college buildings on campus in search of my first class of the day. Having a little pep in my step as I finally found the right hallway.

I grinned when I saw Julian standing outside the classroom, playing on his phone. “Well, hi there, classmate!” I smiled, causing Julian to jump at my sudden greeting.

“Hey.” He smiled back, reaching his hand out. “Nice to meet you!” I rolled my eyes and shook his hand, deciding to play along. “You look very familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?” He joked.

“Shut up.” I laughed, pushing his shoulder.

“Well, shall we?” Julian motioned to the almost empty classroom.

“We shall.”

And a day full classes later, I could finally relax in my car listening to music with Julian. “I didn’t think it would be so exhausting walking everywhere. The classes weren’t bad since it was just going over the syllabus, but the walking...” I huffed.

Julian chuckled. “Yeah, the walking around we’ll have to get used to.”

I turned to face Julian. “So, excited for this night class?”

Julian nodded. “Totally. Since it’s an extra curricular, I’ll probably enjoy it more.”

“Well, I’ll pick you up later then?” I asked.

“Yep.” He said, opening up the passenger side door. “Don’t be late, please.”

“Me? Late? Never?” I giggled.

As I entered my home, I thought about about taking a nap. But then if I did, I knew I’d sleep in late. Getting homework done early it is.

A few more hours pass and it was probably time to pick up Julian. I got back in my car and drove to his place, to see him already sitting on his porch. “Wow, you’re on time.” He teased.

“Oh, hush. I know how much you hate being late to things.”

“You’re so thoughtful.” He smiled, buckling his seatbelts.

“Have fun.” I told him as he got out of the car when we got to the college parking lot.

“I’ll try.” He smiled again, closing the door and heading inside the building.

I decided to go to a Starbucks to pass the time, since the class was only half an hour. I also didn’t feel like going home, plus it’ll save gas.

I looked at my phone to check the time. Eh, I could probably head back over just in case the class gets out early. It didn’t, but I waited in the parking lot anyway. Just playing on my phone, trying to distract myself. It caused me to jump when the passenger side door opened suddenly. “Oh! It’s just you.” I laughed.

Julian got in the car with a bashful smile. “It me.” He giggled.

“What’s got you all smiley?” I asked.

“Uh...” He started, “There was this...gorgeous woman in my class.”

My curious smile quickly fell, turning into a slight frown. “Oh, really?” I tried to sound happy.

“It’s uh, Mrs. Fletcher.”

The awkward silence was suddenly filled by my obnoxious laughter, making Julian frown. “Brendon’s mom? Isn’t she like, 50?”

“I don’t know...” Julian mumbled.

“Julian, you can’t be serious. Right?” Julian said nothing, thus making a silent confirmation that he was being serious. “Oh...” I frowned, suddenly feeling an ache in my chest. “Well...I’m happy for you then.”

...I guess.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Julian would go on and on about this Mrs. Fletcher every day. Which was annoying since I was with him almost every day. It took a lot for me to not yell at him to shut up, but wouldn’t do that to him...I hope.

It hurt a lot, knowing that Julian was into another girl...well, woman. All the times he talked about her, I wished it was about me instead.

It made me feel selfish for feeling that way. Mrs. Fletcher was probably a nice woman, compared to her son at least. But I keep thinking of ways to murd- “Y/N?”

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Julian. “Sorry, what?” I asked.

“You weren’t here.” He said, looking concerned.

I smiled weakly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Julian didn’t look convinced, but shook his head. “Well, as I was saying, Eve isn’t 50. She’s 45. But she looks like she’s in her goddamn 20′s.”

“She’s probably made of plastic...” I mumbled out accidently.

“Hey!” Julian shouted, laughing off his slight offense.

“Sorry. It’s just...we’re supposed to be studying.” I sigh.

Julian held up his hands up in fake surrender. “You’re right. You’re right.” He looked back to his notes. “But one more thing-”

“Oh my god, Julian! I don’t wanna hear about Mrs. Fletcher and her perfect personality, perfect body, and her perfect everything! I’m fucking sick of hearing you go on and on about how much you like her and how you feel a connection!”

Julian looked at me with a shocked and hurt expression, making me sigh and rub my hands over my face. “Why?” He asked quietly.

“I...” I stuttered, sighing and standing up from the bed to gather up all my textbooks, quickly leaving his room before he even got a chance to ask why I was leaving.

I heard Julian run after me, but I made it to the door, promptly tripping over my own feet before I even made it to my car. My textbooks flew everywhere as I rolled over on my back with a groan, mostly hurt from embarrassment.

“Y/N! Are you okay?” Julian quickly ran and kneeled beside me. “Please, tell me you’re okay.”

I sighed. “Yeah...yeah, I’m okay.” I sat up to meet Julian’s concerned puppy dog eyes.

“Why did you just leave like that, huh? What’s the matter with you?”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to pour out all my hidden feelings for this pretty boy. But I knew he wasn’t going to let me ignore him. “I like you, okay?” I said suddenly. “I hate listening to you talk about Eve cause I’m jealous. I want you to feel that way about me, not some woman who’s more than twice your age.

Julian stayed silent, making me sigh. “I do want you to be happy, Jules. And if that’s with Eve then...I just have to learn to accept it.” I paused. “I should go.” I whispered, lifting myself off the concrete.

Julian stayed crouched to the ground as I gathered my fallen textbooks and opened my car door to toss them in the backseat. “Y/N, wait.” I heard Julian say from behind me.

I reluctantly turned around to face him. “What is it, Jul-”

I was cut off by Julian placing his lips onto mine. My eyes widened, shocked about what was taking place. Julian pulled away, too fast.

“I’ve like you for such a long time, Y/N. Ever since you saved me from Brendon three years ago. I was into Eve because...well, I didn’t think you felt that way about me.”

My mouth hung open in shock, not knowing what to say. “I had no idea you felt that way about me either...obviously.” I chuckled nervously.

Julian smiled, tenderly rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He leaned in again, but I pulled back. “What about Eve?” I asked.

“I don’t care about her anymore. You’ve always been my number one.”

I smiled and blushed. We both leaned in at the same time, our lips colliding in a passionate kiss that was now filled with understanding and longing.

It took a lot of willpower to pull away from Julian, wanting to stay like this forever. “So, do you wanna be my boyfriend?” I asked timidly.

“Absolutely...girlfriend.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A bit of a stray from my previous post, jesus 😅

[girlpornparadise]

Chances (pt1)

Pairing: Esteban/f!Reader (There is a New World Somewhere - Maurice Compte)

Word Count: ~1500

Smut warning: No smut yet, but it’ll get there. 

Personal ramble: I know he’s a broken mess, but I love him so much. Thanks to everyone who watched my disaster angel with me over the weekend. This one’s for you hoes!

The GIF: For a computer expert and freelance writer, dude certainly types like an old lady. Seriously Esteban, how long does it take you to write an article? Get it together man! 

He walked into your life because of your own stupidity. You've never been so grateful for your own incompetence. 

 He came highly recommended by your friend Laura. You texted her in a panic that day. 

 It's gone. IT'S ALL GONE! 

 Calm down, what's all gone?

 The proposal, it's gone!

You'd been working on the project proposal for months now. Every waking minute you weren't at work teaching was consumed by this, your passion project. You'd been knocking this idea around your head for years, but the opportunity to realize it had only presented itself this year. You wanted to help low income families access school supplies, and having been the one to throw away a million promotional pens and obsolete notepads at the offices of large corporations as a temp, you finally could get a grant to set up a system to funnel those resources to your school.

 But the proposal was due the following week, and it was now residing in a very expensive brick.

 You look above your desk, past the broken laptop, at the sticky note that says "find a secure server to back up your work!" In your frenzied passion to finish the proposal, you hadn't done it. There were confidential documents involved so you couldn't store it just anywhere and they couldn't easily be replaced. So panic. All you could do was panic and wait for Laura to text back. Your phone vibrates.

 Okay, I know a guy, let me make a call. 

 You dimly register that it sounds like you've put out a hit on someone and your amusement at the thought blunts your panic a little.

 He can come over tonight, after 5, does that work?

 You sigh relieved.

 You're a lifesaver.

 Sometime around 6 your doorbell rings. 

 "I'm Esteban, the computer guy." He clarifies in case you'd forgotten.

 He's casually dressed and you're thankful he's not one of those "nerd herd" type guys they advertise on TV with the affected customer service mannerisms. Instead he has a genuine smile that helps you feel less stressed about your predicament.

 You take a moment to regard him. His features are sharp but not overly so, still soft enough to fill his expression with a friendly demeanor. His brown hair is neatly cut and slightly wavy and looks soft enough to happily run your hands through. He's built, but not to the point of uncomfortably intimidating. And his deep brown eyes that have a keenness to them are softened by long lashes. Everything about him says he could be stern and tough, but chooses to be inviting. Especially to the ladies you figure.

 You welcome him in and walk him over to your desk where everything is strewn about from your panic.

 He regards it as though he's seen it many times before. You can't be the first panicked luddite he's helped.

 "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" He asks with a smirk.

 You shoot him a look that says I will remove one of your internal organs if you imply I'm that dumb again. You catch yourself doing it and with some effort force your expression to relax.

 His eyebrows raise in surprise and defense, but return to normal as you relax.

 You force a chuckling snort.

 "Okay, let me get down to it." He says sitting down at your desk.

 You offer him a drink and excuse yourself to the kitchen to get him a coffee, black no sugar.

 When you return he has plugged in a thumb drive and is tapping away on a screen of grey text. You have no idea what he's doing, but he is doing it confidently and you feel hopeful.

 Though he's somewhat concentrating, when he pauses to let the computer process and reboot he engages you in some light small talk. He seems like an interesting guy, who has moved easily and perhaps a bit carelessly from place to place and life to life. He likes music and travel and cars and all the standard stuff you'd expect from a handsome nomad, but his interests seem genuine and not some put on to impress you.

 After the laptop reboots for the final time, he turns it to face you and there is the document you had open before this nightmare began. 

 "Is this it?" He asks, already knowing the answer.

 "Oh my god you found it!" You leap up and yell excitedly. In the moment you hug him, and quickly realize you've done something inappropriate and retreat.

 You can feel the heat rise in your face as you apologize.

 He laughs, "It's fine."

 You try to compose yourself again.

 "So, and you don't have to answer this, but what was so important that it merits a hug?"

 "Well, uh," You stumble.

 "And remember, you have computer technician/client confidentiality." He winks.

 Oh god. He winked at me. Your heart beats a little faster and your flusteration increases.

 "Um it's…" Your mind is suddenly blank in the presence of his curious gaze.

 "Don't worry about it, it's clearly important to you. You don't have to say. Most days I'm recovering family photos for grandmothers is all."

 No wonder he winked at you, he's surrounded by geriatrics all day. Your heart sinks a little. But you press on.

 "No, no, it's okay."

 You launch into your explanation of your proposal and as you gain confidence you become progressively more animated. His relaxed posture betrays how intently he is listening. You're too excited to be concerned though. When you finish you realise you've been talking profusely and gesticulating like a mad woman. 

 You try to still yourself, but you still have a wide excited smile on your face. He's smiling back at you, taken in by your infectious energy.

 "Wow, I'm glad I could contribute in some small way to such a noble cause." He's smiling but it isn't sarcastic, it's playful with an underpinning of genuine interest.

 "Well, it's getting late, I should be going." He says excusing himself.

 "Thank you, again. My hero." You smile.

 He smiles back and it's bright and dazzling and charming and you feel something deep in your core, but try to ignore it as you close the door behind him.

 ***

 The next day you wake up smiling because his smile still lingers in your memory as does the feeling of his warmth and the light scent of aftershave you caught when you hugged him by accident.

 You realize it had been a long few months getting your project off the ground, and you admit to yourself that it had been overfocused and a bit lonely.

 Your mind toys with the idea of having a handsome stranger come by on demand. You muse that maybe you could throw your modem off the balcony and give him a call.

 After a quick shower and an equally quick breakfast you check your phone.

 There's a text from Laura.

 Are you around?

 Yeah, why?

 Esteban said he forgot his flash drive, he'll drop by in 20 if that's fine.

 Wait, what?

 Okay, sure. You type having no excuse not to.

 You go over to your laptop, and see the drive still plugged into the side. You freak out a little trying to make yourself presentable as quickly as possible in case he's early.

 As promised, he's knocking on your door 20 minutes later.

 "Hi, sorry to drop by like this. I guess I was a little distracted last night."

 "Oh, it's no problem." You say a little too quickly.

 "Uh, so, can I come in and get it?" He asks, a little unsure of what's happening.

 You realize you're blocking the entire doorway and haven't invited him in.

 "Oh, sorry, of course, come on in." You fumble and get out of the way.

 He strides over to your desk and you catch yourself noticing how he moves in his well fitting jeans. You think he might have caught you staring, so you try to distract him by offering him a coffee. "Black, no sugar, right?"

 "You have a good memory." 

 You don't actually, but he made quite an impression.

 You return a few minutes later with his coffee, and one of your own. He's made himself comfortable at your dining room table.

 You talk about nothing in particular for a few minutes but he keeps inquiring about your project. He likes seeing you so passionate about something. You'd like to see him passionate about you.

 Through the easy conversation, you find out he's a freelance writer as well as a computer wizard. It fits with his nomadic lifestyle you observe, and you admire his independent spirit. Eventually the conversation reaches a natural lull.

 "You know, you didn't have to accidentally leave something here to see me again." You tease. You realize you've been too bold and immediately regret it.

 He smiles. "I'm glad I did."

 You melt.

 "Maybe you should come over for dinner, say next Friday night? Unless of course there's an equally grateful granny who has already offered." 

 "That sounds good." He licks his lips ever so subtly and it sets your nerves to high alert. Then he pats down his pockets.

 "Just making sure I didn't leave anything behind this time."

 "Well, hopefully next time it'll be your underwear."  Oh fuck. That was out loud. You slap your hand over your mouth as your eyes go wide and you turn crimson.

 He just laughs and with a wink says "You assume I'm wearing any. See you next Friday."

[thisdreamplace]

Hey!

I met my sp almost 2 years ago (2019) and since then i fell in love with him. we went on some dates tho, he rejected me later. at that time i didn't know about the law so i reacted a lot to the 3D and manifested some 3rd parties and arguments with him. he blocked me tho and we went no contact. i found out about loa and it confused me a lot cause everyone said smth different. also i was focused on manifesting a text message rather than living in the end. altough i always tried to shift my focus, i lived in a lot of anxiety. also his social media acc is a trigger point and i try to avoid it for my best.

so he texted me in may 2020 and i was shaking so much (what a dumbass) and we messaged all night, it was some nasty sh*t. at the end of the chat he said that it was all a joke and that it was all his buddy. i felt so hurt and was so shaken up by the fact, that he played me like that? also really naive of me to let it go so far. so i went no contact and texted him one week later with alot anxiety. as u guess, he was so mean and told me some hurtful things. so i let him. i didn't know about neville back then. i went no contact, til he texted me in dec 2020, it was bc i saw his story) he apologized and he was really kind to me. we messaged again at night, but it was some fwb thing again. he told me he wanted to meet up but then he ghosted me. yea.. i texted him and he said he writes with another girl. and i was like "???" i told him good luck and went no contact.. he then unadded me a month later in jan 2021 which threw me away from my mental diet and so on.

What i am trying to say is that i am really disappointed that i can't seem to reach a point where he sees me more than a chick with a body. i wanted him to be interested in me, to show me love. to open up to me, a relationship! i tried all things, methods, meditations, sats. i am always feeling like i am not doing enough , i am searching for evidence i trigger myself with his socialmedia or some things that happened.

i dont know what went wrong. one thing that bothers me also is that he makes music and wants to gain fame which means that girls have his attention or he thinks he is something better. i also have a feeling of i can't reach him cause i feel like i am not that good for him. he is the kind of guy who had a hard life which messed him up.

also i am feeling nostalgic as soon as i am going somewhere. it's a feeling of " i rather be here with him than alone or with anybody else" time is also a factor which messes with my mind. i wanted to move away and idk how that will mess with my manifestation and his music career is also a thing which makes me anxious.

even now i am trying my best, but it seems like everyday is the same day. i wonder if our relationship will even happen..

i am not living in the old story, i just wanted to let it all out and u seem like a person who would get this. i hope u can give me some tips. i don't wanna sound dumb but yea my story is a bit messy. thank u for reading it, i appreciate ur time. u are my last hope!

Hey!!

Thanks for feeling free to share all of this. Sometimes it really does help just to get all this out, so you can continue moving forward freely.

The truth is, I can see where you went wrong clearly. In all honesty, your self concept has been neglected. And remember, when speaking of self concept it is much deeper than self esteem, but of course, why wouldn’t you want a high self esteem too? Anyway, you have put all of your effort into him. Every technique you did was for him, everything you have done has been entirely for him. And yet, the gag is, you are the one who has to change. He cannot possibly change without you having changed first. Because this is your reality and that’s just how the law works.

So, for example, all those times you took anything he’s willing to give you. You listed everything you wanted... but you quickly settled for less. What does that say about your self concept? It has nothing to do with him, although I know we do like to feel comfortable pointing the finger. When it comes to sp manifestations though, I will be completely honest in this way. There’s a big responsibility we have to take that may feel uncomfortable to do, since we are used to living in a world where people hurt us and we feel sad and blame them. We expect them to do something to make us feel better or we cut them off. Though, there is no one to blame here. There’s only full responsibility to take. There’s just you who will need to choose whether you are worth taking the responsibility of changing your life.

So all that being said, here’s some tips, based off what you said. Firstly, I would fully suggest you take a step back and focus on yourself. It’ll be scary, for sure. It’ll be uncomfortable, for sure. Especially because you spent so much time on him. But you have to be honest with yourself. Has that time paid off? The truth is, you have nothing to lose. Either things will stay the same or you will finally experience all you ever wanted to. But you must decide you are worth the risk of leaving those comforts behind.

So, as you focus on yourself you need to be thinking about how you see yourself in relation to the world, first. Are you worth it? Are you able to have anything you want? Are you limited or limitless? Do you see yourself as creator of your reality or a victim to your reality? Do what you need to do to begin answering these questions. You want to move into a state where you are able to answer positively to each of these questions. You do that through persistent practice. Through reminding yourself of who you truly are and how you can have anything you want. How you are worth all of the effort. How your desires are yours already, so you truly have nothing to worry about it. Remember, you do all this for you. Not for anyone or anything else.

As you get comfortable with your self concept and who you truly are as creator of your reality, you could allow yourself to start thinking of your sp again. Not as the center of your world, because you are already the center of the world. There is no one to change but self. But you can begin to lift him up in your mind, as you have lifted yourself up. You wrote exactly how you feel he is, and the truth is, if you continue seeing him like that he has no choice but to play that role. So, choose a new story. How is he really? He is successful in his music career and so what? He is so lucky to have you by his side. All those options you mentioned? They never meant anything, because you are the only one he wants. He doesn’t see anyone other than you. You are first best, you are the only best. He treats you like the God you already are. Because you have been God this entire time, and focusing on your self concept as the first step will help you to accept all these wonderful things about your sp.

I understand your feeling, of feeling nostalgic and just wanting to be with your sp. Let those feelings come up, don’t feel the need to run from them. They’re so valid. People in relationships still miss their person when they’re apart, no? It’s not a big deal. In fact, it’s important not to run from those feelings. Cry it out, throw a fit if you so feel the need to do so. Then brush yourself off and get back into your God energy. Because it’s always waiting for you, at all moments. The unconditional love that your Godself is, is always welcoming you in. You just have to remember to choose to allow yourself to feel it. Time seems so scary in the outer world, but the hard fact is you can be worried about time all day and it’s not going to change anything. So, benefit yourself and actively work on letting it go. Accept it’s not even real, no matter how much your ego will want to hold onto believing it is. Time isn’t running out, everything is happening perfectly Your relationship with your sp is yours and everything has it’s own appointed hour. All you have to do is accept it and allow yourself to enjoy the journey, or even dislike the journey some days if that’s what you’re feeling like. Stop judging everything and allow it to be instead.

You got this!! Hopefully you find this helpful. We all cannot wait to hear your lovely success story!! 💖

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Mermay - Dilliam - Calming the Merman

After the human sister and merfolk brother had an argument, Mark and William decide they need to step in to try and find a solution. Mark goes to talk to his fiancée, while William makes the trip outside to find Damien. Hopefully it goes well…

Word Count: 1,664

Part One, Part Two.

-

William carefully made his way down the steps to the rock pool. It was easier to navigate without the clunky boot toppling him off-balance, but it inspired him to consider making a safety railing to make it less treacherous. When he reached the bottom, he noticed that Damien was nowhere to be seen, confirming his hunch that something happened between the siblings. But rather than making it look too obvious that he was checking in on Damien, he pulled out his small notebook and pencil and began making notes. He didn't try being quiet either, as he counted the steps he took to the picnic bench, hummed and muttered to himself about various modifications, argued with himself about the pros and cons of a little wall at the bottom of the walkway, and even opened and closed the chest hidden in the rocks to test the condition of the hinges.

William's knocking of the picnic bench was the last straw as Damien slowly raised his head out of the water. William - who was mid-knock - froze at the sight of the glare he'd get from Celine in a more intimidating mer variant. 

"Pray tell there is a reason that you're making such a racket." William gulped, slowly lowering his hand back to the table.

"I didn't think anyone was here, so I thought I'd come down and start planning ahead -"

"Oh, yes. To go with whatever is needed to turn this into my 'home'. You don't need to work on anything. I don't need an enclosure."

-

"Enclosure?" William repeated with a confused blink. "I'm trying to see how I can weather-and-ocean-proof this place. Did you see this bench? It's not even painted, let alone varnished. It'll be ripped apart in a few years." Damien glared at William for several, long seconds before he sighed.

"Fine. Whatever. Just stop being so noisy." He began to move to go back under the water, only that William called his name.

"Wait wait! I need a second opinion. What colour should the bench be?"

"Why should I care? Any wood colour will be fine."

"But it can be painted any colour. The varnish to protect it would go on afterward and that dries clear. We could paint this like the rainbow if you wanted. Well, have a think about it." He was going to leave it at that, but should Damien be allowed to sulk underwater? "Actually, before you go, can you check something for me?" Damien rolled his eyes, but was too polite to simply refuse.

"... What?"

"The rocks. What are the bases like? Will they need any sort of support to keep them in place?" Damien nodded at the request and ducked under the surface.

"The rocks are well grounded. Storms shouldn't knock them," he responded once he emerged, "But you shouldn't put anything in between the rocks either. See how they're shaped? The water has gradually eroded them over the years. It means the water will flow through without causing disruption. Putting anything in the gaps would only create a blockade that would harm the creatures that make their home on the rocks underwater."

"Huh… I never considered that. So is it safe there?" Damien's nod had William quickly taking notes in his book. 

"Since the base of the rocks are closer together, it's the perfect spot to sleep without being disturbed. I don't need any sort of shelter."

"I wasn't going to build a shelter," William quickly reminded him.

"Sure. Celine probably told you she wanted somewhere for me to live and feel part of the family, right?" No answer. "Thought so. I'm only giving you the benefit of doubt since all this is new to you, but merfolk aren't the same as humans." William, genuinely interested in what he was being told, moved around the picnic table so he could sit on the ground closest to Damien. "Merfolk don’t live in ‘homes’. Instead, they have nests in a community setting. It's in our instinct to travel throughout the year. The distance and duration depends on the species, from what I've seen. Some migrate to warmer waters, others travel if they desire to breed -"

"Is that why you travel so much?" Damien's glare and raised fins had William whip his hands up in self-defence again. "I'm curious! I'm a man who travels a lot as well!" 

"I suppose you might understand better than others, mayhaps." His collarbone fins settled down to their normal position again as he swam forward to lean against one of the rocks protecting the path beside William. "It started from trying to find our distant relatives when I was old enough to make the voyage across the Pacific. Over time, it became fuelled by my need to understand mer culture. Being raised like a human child has its advantages, but I missed a lot of vital skills and cues that would help me as an adult. I had certain habits as a child that my family thought were merely quirks, but they were instincts I was trying to develop, and had to relearn in later years. I couldn't hold it against them - no one in my family knew what to do - but they have a habit of trying to… humanise me, I suppose." Damien rested his chin on the cool rock with a sigh, the tip of his tail idly bobbing up and down.

"In them trying to do what's best for you, they think of it from a human point of view?" At least, that's how William was understanding it. The merman nodded solemnly as his eyes lowered to the rocks.

"It sounds like I'm so ungrateful for everything they've done, doesn't it?"

"I don't think so. You know what's best for you. And I've been tasked to do right by you. So… What would you like done here?" When Damien looked up at the question, William felt his heart tighten in sympathy for the poor merman. "What I mean is - can you think of anything that might make this place feel a little more homely by merfolk standard? I've done handiwork in houses before, but never nesting grounds. If we're doing this, it needs to be done right. But I’ll be working in the house first, so whatever needs to be done here will be a little lower down the list. And even then, I have small tasks to do here first - like, did no one think of buying a box with waterproofed hinges? They're already starting to rust. I could probably find paint to have it blend it better into the rocks and -"

"William?" Damien's voice cut the rambling clean in two. "Thank you. It's nice talking to someone who has no experience with any of this but who wants to learn. I feel like you honestly want to listen to me instead of deciding on my behalf. I’ll have a think about your offer." William looked down. The pair locked eyes and smiled simultaneously.

"You're welcome. But between you and me, I'd choose your opinion over Celine's when it comes to the rock pool."

"I'd certainly hope so. This isn't even a rock pool. It's a rocky shore. You see how the rocks slope gradually at the base of the cliff? It would normally be hidden by sand on the beaches you might be used to. A rock pool is a shallow pool of water that forms in rock that has been eroded by the tide over many years."

"Oh. I didn't know that. I thought it was called a rock pool since this section looks a little like a swimming pool surrounded by rocks? You know, the rocks stop the tide pulling you away in this little bit, but then you can go that way into the proper ocean?"

Damien paused, lifting his head to take in the surroundings with a different viewpoint. As he realised that William was right, he giggled. The soldier had to quickly rely on years of military practice to keep a straight face. That sound was unlike anything he had heard before, including previous times Damien laughed. It was music to his ears. He was enthralled.

"I wouldn't be opposed to calling this place 'The Rockpool' for that reason. Mayhaps we could ask Celine to make a sign…. Oh no." Memories of their last conversation came back to him in a flash. "I was so angry at her earlier. Could… Could you fetch her for me? I need to apologise. I should know better than to lose my temper. It isn't right." As much as he wanted to continue talking to William, he needed to set things right. William seemed to agree as he slowly climbed to his feet and stretched.

"Clearing the air is a good idea. I can tell you that she doesn't want to build you a house. All she wants is for you to feel comfortable, but perhaps she doesn't fully know what that is since she might actually be thinking from a human standpoint." William slowly shook life back into his legs as he added, "For what it's worth, I'll be doing the work. Whatever happens here will need your approval first. End of." It was a reassurance that worked wonders. He dismissed himself and made his way toward the steps to find Celine.

"Orange!"

"Pardon?" William was barely halfway up the stairs before he spun around to the water. Damien had swum across the pool toward the steps, his demeanour already brighter.

"I want the picnic table to be orange! Some of the corals I love in the nesting grounds are orange."

"Orange it is!" William gave a salute and picked up the pace to hurry back inside. Once out of sight, Damien dove back into the water to quickly do laps and shake off some of the energy that built up while talking to William. What was it about William that made Damien feel like everything was going to be alright?

Was this love?

[jae-canikeepyou]

| right here & now | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: alternate universe + youtuber!yn

a/n: thank you for the request and i really loved writing this so much even if the idea of having yuno as my bf will never happen lol ;-; anyway, i hope you enjoy reading my lovelies! 💕~j.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the curtains swayed with the wind spells that entered your room, marking a new morning. this morning however, was a very special one that you planned this for months hoping it would pull off like you wanted it to. you stretched in your bed, kicking off the blankets that trapped the heat around your body. the clock said 6 a.m. and you had more than enough time to prepare for the flight scheduled at noon.

pressing the button to record, you began your vlog by doing a gwrm routine and choosing your ootd, in which you were always always indecisive for because sometimes you would find yourself facetiming him and he’d pick the right one for you. perks of having a fashionable boyfriend, yes?

“guys..” you let one a little whine as you pat lightly on your face with a concealer. “i’m really nervous because even though i texted yuno that i’ll be having a meeting for a collab with another channel, i can’t imagine how he’d feel if i didn’t reply him for the next hours. or maybe if i don’t reply him at all.”

of course being the busy people you both were, even a message from each other was a big deal because hello, a long distance relationship was a struggling kind and some instances, fall-outs were common. although you did understand the need of physical comfort from a loved one, it was a matter of trust and patience on a daily basis that you would eventually end up in his arms when that time came.

and that time was today.

how you met nct 127’s jaehyun was definitely unexpected. you were one of the few singer-songwriter youtubers invited to a performance at an event along with other renowned singers. the group came as a special guest, giving fans and fellow artists greetings and basically hyped up the entire hall with their music as if it was their concert alone. you weren’t that interested at first since the event was your very first invitation, so you were more conscious on yourself than having the time to appreciate others, but you were a fan of nct 127’s music.

jaehyun too was lowkey, a fan of your channel. he didn’t want to show how giddy he felt when you stood on that stage; a guitar in hand and just a microphone by your lips. he was aware of the hand-held cameras the staff pointed him with, and tried to keep a straight face. however, when you reached the peak of your unplugged version of your song, the feels hit him differently. you sounded soulful, gentle, that it grew the urge for him to want to do a collab with you.

so when the event finished and you were told to meet other artists at their respective tent / booths, he ran into you— he couldn’t hide his smile anymore. you shook hands with him, realizing that he didn’t took his eyes off of you. “you were amazing out there.” you shyly complimented him, his shimmering suit shone like his eyes did.

“i’d say the same with you y/n.” he smiled and liked the way how your name rolled on his tongue. “i hope we can do a collab some day.”

“that’d be nice.”

jaehyun itched to have contact with you since then; that was three years ago. the last time he saw you in person was when you went to seoul weeks after for an interview. his friends could see the pink dusting his cheeks when you posted a new song, cover or vlog. sometimes he’d forget there was practice because he was too immersed into you. it was up until a couple of months after the event had he built up the courage to direct message you in instragram, finally having to connect with you.

then the rest was history and soon reaching the third year of your relationship. both of your feelings were mutual and came to a decision that you both were a couple. for jaehyun the most, it was quite difficult to dodge the questions at talk shows/interviews relating to love life when all he had in his heart was you and you only. on the other hand, you had to ignore questions on insta live whether you were seeing anyone; because they noticed a different aura within you on every video you upload.

“if you’re wondering how i’m planning to ‘ignore’ yuno.. well, i chose to not use my phone for the next 14 hours. i have to pretend that i’m ‘busy’ and ‘occupied’ with work.” you now entered the lift to exit your apartment and headed to the taxi waiting for you. “hopefully it’ll convince him why i couldn’t use my phone.”

you continued to film your surrounding for aesthetics, choosing the suitable background music. so far in the day, you talked about how hard long distance was. not seeing jaehyun personally for three years was a challenge. sometimes when you knew that he’d visit the city for a tour, you’d be filled with work and filming and bummed out because you wouldn’t be able to see him.

johnny messaged you just before your breakfast that they just finished rehearsal and were now taking a break. you sighed a lot more today as you knew he’d be sending you a message any second.

or so you thought.

♡  yuno ♡  would like to facetime you.

you panicked because right now, you were at the airport. however, luckily enough, you were at a fastfood chain located a little far off from the departure hall, so he wouldn’t notice that you were at the airport and just pigging out at some random restaurant. you placed the phone just beside your laptop, pretending to ‘edit’ videos when you were actually chatting away with johnny for the plans when you reach seoul. the camera was at the other side of your belongings, seated at a blind spot where only you could be seen in his perspective.

“hi babe.” he greeted you with a flying kiss as his sweat rolled down his temples. “oh? you’re outside this early?” he moved sideway as if he could see anything behind you.

“i’m having breakfast.” you showed a subway sandwich and an orange juice. “yeah well, i’m preparing for a meeting later.”

gosh i hate lying to him.

he moistened his lips, brushing his hair back with a headband. “what meeting?” he raised a brow, making you chuckle that he obviously didn’t see your message. 

you rolled your eyes, turning the phone to the laptop screen and showed him the chat from the night before. “i told you i have a collab with another channel, didn’t i? anyway, i have to finish up and head for the meeting. call you later?”

“ah..” he whined. “we didn’t even talk for a minute, but okay. i’ll wash up and call you again. take care babe! i love you so much.”

“i love you too.” you said before ending the call. clenching your chest, you sighed deeply as you faced the camera that recorded the whole conversation. “this is hard. i never expected him to call me. i’ll make sure i won’t use my phone starting from now.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you yawned quite loudly as you watched the airplane icon reach the borderline of south korea at the screen before you. now that you thought about it, you haven’t recorded anything since the departure and it was a perfect timing because the sun was just rising by your side of the window.

“okay, hello everyone. i’ve been flying for hours that i lost count. but, i’m reaching seoul in about thirty minutes, so i’ll make this quick.” zooming into the ombré sky of blue, pink and orange combined, you hummed a tune that jaehyun used to sing to you to sleep. “see that beautiful colors. my boyfriend sees this morning every day and i’m seeing him really soon.”

once you were out of the aircraft and walking along the hall the leads to the exit, your heart stopped in realization that not only you were seeing jaehyun as a fan after three full years, but actually seeing him officially as his girlfriend. and this thought made your eyes well because you couldn’t believe it was really happening. mixtures of excitement and nervousness took over your body that perhaps other passengers recognised you, and you waved at them in response that you were in seoul for collaboration.

the boys’ manager dressed- rather disguised himself as your guide and picked you up at the airport. he waved at you to catch your attention. when you did so, johnny dialled to call you as he was seated at the car parked outside. “y/n!” he greeted. “turn around! i’m in the car!”

you opened the door and he hugged you quick. his camera was pointed directly at you, obviously recording the moment for jaehyun to watch later. “hi johnny! it’s been so long!”

“too long! we missed a lot of chances to see other whenever the group visits your city. sometimes jae would tear up- or cry but don’t tell him i told you that.” he giggled and helped you sit comfortably in the car. “are you vlogging right now?”

“aw that’s sweet of him.” you pout. “yes i’ve been vlogging since i left my apartment. say hello to the fam.”

“hey what’s up it’s your boy johnny.” he waved and curled his fingers at the cringiness of himself.

johnny felt his phone vibrating. it was a call from mark who updates him of jaehyun’s movements while he was out of the studio. the call was on speaker so you would be able to hear the conversation. “hyung. should i wake him up now?”

you giggled at how that was exactly jaehyun’s habits. “i think you should, mark.” your voice alerting him of your presence.

the younger boy held his reactions in a whisper, afraid that he might awake your boyfriend. “oh my g- hi y/n! i love your acoustic cover of ‘love me now’. jaehyun hyung teared up last night after watching it.”

“really? he teared up again?” your heard sank to the ground knowing how he really felt behind the cameras separating the both of you. your arms weakened at the point but continued to vlog.

“yeah. hold up i’m just gonna-” mark paused and all you heard was the fall of headphones and low groans. “hyung, johnny said he’ll get us food. what do you want?”

a groggy voice contemplated the events of today before yelping in shock that he has a recording to finish. “agh crap what time is it?” jaehyun asked, even if you wanted to speak, johnny refrained you from doing so. you shouldn’t blow your cover now.

“it’s quarter past two.” mark said and helped the dude up on his toes. “we’re getting fried chicken.”

“tsk i was about to call y/n after i washed up.” jaehyun rubbed his eyes. “oh yeah johnny, better come here quick. taeyong hyung said we still have some parts to record.”

you held in your laughs as you covered your lips, sharing identical expressions with johnny. he breathed out before speaking. “uh yeah sure, but i did my part of the cover already. so it’s just you left. see you soon.”

the car was pulled over the studio the boys have been gathered at. some were practicing their choreography while others were resting up. you walked slower than usual and johnny noticed this gestures of yours. who wouldn’t be nervous at a situation like this? it has been three years, so he could imagine the tension between you and yourself only.

mark told everyone to take caution because jaehyun has a sharp eye, that he could read the atmosphere of anything was fishy. even the slight percent of that feeling he could crack an egg open, and the plan would fail. they didn’t want that to happen, this was a special moment for him and you came all the way to surprise him. the effort alone was already precious.

you vlogged again, your chest began its countdown whilst you hid behind a drumset at the recording booth. gladly though, your frame was petite compared to the instrument so you wouldn’t be seen immediately at first glance. cameras were set up and hidden at corners where jaehyun couldn’t see them. all there was was a foldable compact device attached to the mic stand.

the plan was to let jaehyun sing his part of high school musical cover of ‘right here, right now’, due to that one time he playfully joked about being your troy bolton. so you kept that request in mind and chose to do the recording on the day you came to seoul. you pre-recorded your part last week, and you would wait for him to finish his part.

“this is it guys. my hand is shaking, my heart feels like its about to come out of me. i’m already tearing up because i’m going see yuno in less than five min-”

the door swung open causing you to jolt, making one drumstick slide to its abyss, but you managed to catch before it fell. flutters of papers were then placed on the black metal stand, and a low baritone clearing throat for a vocal exercise sure revealed it was yuno. just the impact of careless actions alone, you could tell the person in the studio was indeed your boyfriend.

you exchanged looks from the camera and to jaehyun, repeating this several times because it was hard to catch the timing.

“which part do i have to re-do?” jaehyun’s voice sent shivers down your spine and you fanned yourself keep your calm. “hm? this is a new song cover? okay, but this is a duet though.” he said, checking the titles for the second time. the guys had to bend down slightly from where jaehyun was standing as he was very clueless. “ah so it’s the reprise version? it’s pretty short.” he cleared his throat again.

“can you imagine what would happen, if we could have any dream?..” gosh how honey like his voice was. “i’d wish this moment, was ours to own it and that it would never leave..”

“then i would thank that star, that made our wish come true.”

jaehyun’s eyes grew as your voice was heard through the headphones. he tried to keep his cool, even though his expression changed a little. “‘cause he knows that where you are, is where i should be too.”

in a few seconds the chorus was about to be sung, you left your camera at the bass drum when you pulled him for a back hug, after when he sang.

“right here. right now?..” jaehyun lost tune at the latter word, turning to see the person who was hugging him; soon revealing your beaming smile. he looked back at his friends who were jumping and cheering, he squinted at their phones and cameras that were up to capture the moment.

he removed his headphones as reality punched him in the gut, arms quickly wrapping you for a longing embrace. “y/n..” he said, carrying you slightly to enjoy the surprise. the boys came into the recording studio, your ears ringing at their volumes of woohoo’s and yeah’s.

he finally saw you in the flesh, the real deal. not behind low quality screens or hours of long phone calls. you were with him now, and that was all that mattered to him.

“surprise?” you tiptoed to kiss his cheek but he nuzzled himself at the crook of your neck to hide his tears. they were dampening your clothes a little. “aw babe.”

“is he crying?” johnny asked with a teasing voice and when he didn’t get any response, he turned to the camera. “ladies and gents, and johfam, our boy jae is finally crying in front of cameras.”

“shut up.” jaehyun butt back, his nose pink and his eyelashes were slight wet. “you’re here.” he hugged you again like how a koala would do.

you held his hand and intertwined them with yours. “yeah, i’m here- oh wow you’re shaking.”

jaehyun’s chin rested on top of your head, his dimples deepening as he gave the same smile whenever he’d facetime you. “i thought you had a meeting with another channel?” he asked, swaying you from side to side as you all came out of the recording booth.

lunch then was placed on the table, you sat amongst them, they dug in like they haven’t eaten good food. “i did. the channel’s called johnny’s communication center.”

the said boy gave you a wink and jaehyun caressed his neck in bewilderment. “hyung, you were part of this?”

“maybe, maybe not.” he popped a kimbap into his mouth, savouring the flavours. “i picked her up at the airport and the boys knew it all along.” he said, later noticing jaehyun’s attention was full onto you. he nudged the others to give you both space and left with their fair share of the food.

jaehyun rubbed circles at your back, he loved keeping you close. the smile never left his face and his ears went to a deeper red. “you planned all this for me?”

“because i missed you a lot more than you think.” you poked his dimples that he smiled widely than before.

“i missed you too.” he stared into you. “when are you leaving though?”

a chuckle of faux disbelief escaped your lips. “yuno, i just got here and you’re asking me when i’ll leave?”

he brought your hand up for a small kiss. “i’m asking because i don’t want you to, y/n. just stay with me.” his voice practically begging you, and you softened your gaze at him, wanting the same as well.

“i don’t know when i’ll see you next..” he trailed off as you wait for his response. “..i meant that in person.”

you inclined yourself to him and hugged him tighter. “let’s think of that later. we can make arrangements. all that matters is i’m here right now.” you giggled with pressed lips.

jaehyun stared down at you, leaning in for your first kiss. “gosh i love you so much.”

[jaxl-road]

The League of Extraordinary Rockstars, ch.7

Summary: LA is a hub for music and mutants, making it the perfect place for Motley Crue, Guns N’ Roses, and countless other mutant musicians to call home. But it’s not all easy, especially when it comes to finding a decent place to live. So what better solution than moving in together in the mansion of an immortal? Love, drama, and super powers. If nothing else, it’ll be interesting.

Chapter Warnings: Language, genderswap!Steven

AN: This is a collaboration between myself and @the–blackdahlia! It combines elements from her fic “It’s So Easy (And Other Lies)” (specifically her genderswapped!Steven) and my super powered GnR series. It is completely AU and ignores timelines like Woah, but hopefully you’ll have as much fun reading it as we’re having writing it! Let us know what you think!

~~~~~~~

Stevie could only watch as Izzy rushed out, ignoring her call, Axl darting after him determinedly. Her heart ached at having caused the guitarist pain. She had spent so long assuming her feelings for both boys were unrequited that she felt a tinge of disbelief that he could be so distraught over her.

“That went well,” Slash muttered, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

“I’m going to my room,” Stevie whispered, running off. Duff groaned.

“Stevie, wait!” He called out to her, chasing after her. “Stevie!”

“He was so upset,” Stevie told Duff as they made their way into her room. “God…” She sat down on her bed and grabbed Mr. Cuddles, holding him close to her chest. “Duff, this screws everything up…”

“Not necessarily,” Duff wrapped an arm around her shoulders, trying to be soothing, “He’s upset because he thinks you don’t like him. You can explain and it’ll fix everything!”

Internally, Duff knew it was a bit more complicated than that. After all, Izzy liked Stevie, not him, and there was no guarantee that he would be open to the type of relationship they had discussed, and if she was forced to choose between the two of them Duff felt a stab of certainty that he’d be the one let down gently…. But he just couldn’t stand to see her upset. So he shoved the insecurities down and smiled comfortingly as he rubbed her back.

“I don’t know if he’ll even listen to me,” She rested her head on Duff, “I mean, I wouldn’t listen to me if I was in his position.”

“Well, that’s just because you’re a stubborn little shit,” Duff teased.

“Are you calling me short you damn giant?” Stevie glared at Duff. Duff started laughing loudly.

“Of course not, Sunshine,” he snickered, “I’m calling you hardheaded.”

Stevie huffed in offense, shoving a still laughing Duff lightly. Their joking was cut short as they heard the sound of a door slamming on the floor above them. They exchanged worried looks, and a few moments later they heard heavy footsteps and then another door slamming down the hall. Axl’s and Baz’s door.

Sighing, the sad, conflicted look returned to Stevie’s face. Duff hugged her close, “It’ll be alright. Let’s just… let him cool down a little, and then you can talk to him and clear everything up, okay?”

"Yeah…" she nodded. "Maybe we could get the three of us food and that will make him think we're sincere?"

"Brilliant idea babe." Duff kissed her.

~~~~~

Vince grinned widely as he slid across the countertop in the kitchen, seating himself next to where Kelly was reading the instructions on the back of a box of frozen pizza. “A pretty face and you cook? You really are a catch,” the blonde drawled.

“Damn straight I am,” Kelly smirked back, “although you seem to be implying I’m gonna share, which I am definitely not.”

“Aw, don't be that way, Nickels!” Vince pouted, “Come on, you know what they say about the way to a man’s heart.”

“Through the third and fourth ribs.” He snickered as Vince gasped in offense.

"Did you hear that?" Kelly asked suddenly, looking around.

"All I'm hearing is this tension between you, me, and that pizza." Vince smirked.

"No, it sounds like scratching," Kelly told Vince.

"Probably that so-called raccoon Tommy's been chasing," Mick grumbled as he walked into the kitchen. "Your dad is probably under the house."

"Which dad?" Vince asked.

"Neither of them are my dad," Kelly sighed.

“Don’t tell them that,” Mick replied.

"I hate all of you," Kelly rolled his eyes.

"Even me?" They heard a voice. Freezing, they all looked around in confusion.

Vince and Kelly had only a moment to notice Mick close his eyes and sigh heavily before they nearly jumped out of their skins as the door beneath the sink burst open. Vince screamed, high pitched and shrill while Kelly tripped over his own feet as he scrambled away from the petite figure crawling out of the cabinet.

“CC what the actual FUCK!” Kelly was clutching his chest as CC Deville stood and grinned at him, “How fucking long have you been here??”

Beside them, Mick calmly snagged a bottle of vodka from the counter before turning and walking away without a word.

“Awwwww,” CC pouted as he watched the guitarist leave.

“Focus, CC!” Vince snapped, “What the hell are you doing here??”

"Well I was sleeping until someone started slamming doors," CC leaned against the counter before turning to smirk at the bassit, "Hey Kelly. Looking good as always." Kelly sputtered and turned to go put the pizza in the oven while Vince glared.

Before they could say anything else, Stevie wandered in, jerking to a stop when she saw the blonde guitarist waving at her, “What the fuck?”

“That’s the mood for the night,” Kelly sighed.

“Why is-”

“Don’t,” Vince interrupted, “Just ignore him and maybe he’ll go away.”

“Wow, someone’s in a bitchy mood,” CC grinned.

"I was just fine until you interrupted the moment…" Vince spat.

"From what I could tell, the only moment was you being shot down," CC teased.

"Okay, I'm just gonna go now," Stevie backed out of the kitchen.

"Stevie, don't leave me!" Kelly begged, “Please! I’ll share my pizza with you!”

“Hey!” Vince’s voice was indignant.

“I just wanted to use the phone,” Stevie groaned, “I’m ordering food tonight.”

“Ooooh, what are you getting?” CC questioned with far too much enthusiasm.

Narrowing her eyes, the drummer huffed, “It’s not for you guys. It’s for… it’s for Duff and me,” she decided to just leave it at that.

Pouting, Vince leaned dramatically against Kelly’s side, “Why is no one is sharing tonight? You’re all so mean!”

“You guys give me a migraine,” Stevie sighed.

“You love us,” CC smirked.

“I don’t even know why you’re here!” Stevie exclaimed.

CC shrugged, “I was taking a nap. Sue me.” Stevie groaned, grabbed the cordless phone, and marched into the living room.

“I’m moving out,” Kelly sighed. “Y'all can keep the house.”

Vince started pouting, “Aw, don’t say that,” he leaned against the counter beside Kelly, “We’re not all, bad, right?” he winked.

Before Kelly could respond, CC was snickering, “He’s just grumpy cause he needs to get laid,” he announced as he casually slapped Kelly’s ass.

“CC, shut up!” Vince hissed. Before he could respond, Mick made his way back in, grabbing CC’s arm and dragging him away.

“Can’t even hear myself think in this damn place,” Mick grumbled. “I’ll deal with him.”

Laughing, CC waved his fingers, “See you guys later! Good luck Kelly babe!”

Huffing, Vince turned back to the bassist, relieved that at least that was over with. “This place is crazy,” he grumbled, “Although, to be fair,” he grinned slyly, “I wouldn’t mind getting laid soon.”

“Well,” Kelly smiled. “If you want, we…”

“Hey guys!” Slash greeted as he came into the kitchen. “What’s up?” Vince groaned.

“Are you kidding me?”

“What?” Slash frowned, “What did I do?”

Kelly looked between the two of them, “Y’know, I was actually wondering-”

Suddenly there was the sound of crashing and loud swearing from what sounded like Nikki and Tommy as CC, apparently having escaped from Mick, ran through the kitchen again, diving back under the sink. “I was never here!!” He shouts as he slams the door shut to hide.

Nikki came sliding in, “What the fuck?? Where is he?!”

Vince dropped his head onto the counter, Slash stared at the cabinet wide eyed and confused, and Kelly realized forlornly that his pizza was burning.

“I’m moving,” he said to no one. “Stevie!" he shouted into the next room, "Will you order me food?”

“Why should I?” Stevie called back.

“I’ll take you to your favorite store at the mall!”

“Deal!”

Kelly turned off the oven, ignoring the smoke escaping from it, “I’ll deal with that later,” He muttered before walking out.

“Okay, what did you do to my son?” Nikki asked, “And where the fuck is CC?”

“Also, why the fuck is CC here?” Slash chimed in.

“Your son is fine and who knows why CC is anywhere,” Vince snapped.

“Wow, you’re bitchy,” Nikki gave him a smirk. “CC cockblock you too?”

“YES!” Vince threw his arms in the air, turning and stomping out of the room before anyone could question him further.

“He was trying to get with Kelly, wasn't he?” Nikki asked.

“He better not be,” Slash growled. Stevie finished hanging up with the restaurant just as Kelly stormed by.

“You okay Nickels?” She asked.

“No, but give me a half hour and I will be,” He headed up to his room.

Shaking her head fondly, Stevie looked back down at the phone in her hand. They had said the food would arrive in roughly 45 minutes. That was plenty of time to steel herself and plan what she wanted to say when she talked to Izzy.

Unfortunately, it was also plenty of time for her to freak the fuck out. Duff tried his best to keep her calm, but she couldn’t stop pacing back and forth in her room, flickering like a strobe light as she mumbled different ways to phrase her argument to herself.

“Okay, Sunshine, seriously,” Duff sighed as he stood, putting his hands on her shoulders to still her, “I understand you’re nervous. I’m nervous too. But you have got to get a grip,” he grinned teasingly, feeling a small spark of relief when she huffed and smacked his shoulder playfully.

“I just don’t want to mess this up,” She told him. The doorbell rang and she went running to the door before people could steal her food.

“Back off!” Stevie growled when Tommy reached for the bags, “This is mine!”

“But, don’t you want to share?” He asked, pouting.

“This bag is Kelly’s. Maybe your son will share with…”

Vince snagged the bag, “I’ll take it to him!” He called out, heading towards Kelly’s room.

“Goddammit!” Stevie and Tommy jumped, Slash appearing next to the door. Grumbling to himself, the guitarist stomped after Vince.

Groaning, Stevie clutched the bags of food to her chest, “I don’t have time for this,” she mumbled, turning to head back to her room where Duff was standing waiting in the doorway. Holding up the bags, she grinned weakly, “Well, we have our offering now. All that’s left is the actual conversation part.”

Duff tried to look reassuring, but he couldn’t hide that he was anxious too. “Right,” he shuffled on his feet, “So… should we…?” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

“Yeah...yeah…” She sighed. “Will you take the food? I’ll get the Izzy.” She handed Duff the food as she headed towards Izzy’s room. Take a deep breath, she knocked on the door.

“Go away Axl,” She heard Izzy growl.

“Not Axl,” She replied, “Duff and I got food and we wanted to talk to you. Please?”

Behind the door, Izzy dropped his head with a soft ‘thud’ against the wall. He turned to glance at the half empty bottle of whiskey on his side table, snatching it to take a quick swig, “Look,” he ran a hand over his face in frustration, “I’m sorry I made practice weird, you don’t need to tell me off or whatever. I’ll have my shit together tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to tell you off,” She told him softly, trying to fight back tears. She wasn’t going to cry. “I just want to talk to you Iz…”

“Well, there’s nothing I want to talk about!” he snapped. He knew Stevie had a big heart, and she probably felt bad about breaking his. But he really didn’t want to stand there while she tried to let him down gently or whatever, “It’s fine, I’m fine, just go back to your boyfriend, okay?” That’s when he heard something on the other side of the door. Crying.

“S-sorry,” Stevie whispered, tears streaming down her face. Izzy’s heart hurt, hearing her soft sobs.

He didn’t want to see her. But he didn’t want her to cry even more. Rolling over, he slid through the wall next to his bed, gracefully landing on his feet to stand in the hallway outside, just a few feet away from where Stevie was standing in front of his door.

“Izzy…”

“Fine, we can talk,” He sighed. “Just please stop crying.”

“Okay,” She wiped her eyes. “I got Mexican. I ordered your favorite. Duff’s waiting for us.” Izzy sighed but followed her to her room, where Duff had cleared off the table Stevie used to “customize” her t-shirts (and by customize, she meant butcher the hell out of them) and set the food up on it. He sat it at the foot of her bed, so the bed could be a seat, and got two chairs for the other two dinner guests.

Izzy nearly winced when he saw the set-up. This seemed very… formal for what he assumed was a pity party for him. But he really didn’t want Stevie to cry, so he figured the least he could do was grit his teeth and bare it. At least he was getting free food out of it.

He sat tensely in one of the chairs, looking around the room in order to avoid looking at either blonde, “So… what’s all this about?” he finally asked.

“Well, you see,” Stevie started as she opened her shrimp meal. “We, uh, wanted to discuss something with you.”

“And you can say no,” Duff added.

“But, I was talking to Kelly the other day…” Stevie started.

“Oh god, that’s never a good idea,” Izzy scoffed.

“Anyway,” Stevie shot a glance at him. “We were wanting to...we would like it if...you would join us.”

Izzy felt his brain short circuit, immediately dropping the taco he had hesitantly picked up, “Join you?” he repeated slowly. He was sure there was a more elegant way to phrase his thoughts, but he found himself blurting out, “I didn’t know you guys were into that.”

“We didn’t either until we started talking,” Duff admitted. “Because we both might kinda like you, and it really hurt to see you upset.”

“And of course, you can have time to think it over,” Stevie added. “Don’t think you have to rush. The offer isn’t going anywhere, no matter how much Kelly begs to take your spot.”

For a long moment, all Izzy could do was stare at his two bandmates and friends. Of all the ways he thought this conversation would go, this hadn’t even crossed his mind. It seemed too good to be true. So he figured it probably was.

Duff and Stevie were both too kind-hearted for their own good, Izzy knew that. As he took in their bright eyes and soft smiles, he realized that he had probably been too open with his heartbreak, had probably made the two of them feel guilty for their relationship and now they were just trying to offer him something to make him feel better. No matter how much he liked Stevie, and Duff, it didn’t change the fact that they probably just felt sorry for him and figured they could put up with a threesome once in awhile for his sake. That was all. Was he really so desperate and lovesick that he’d take the scraps they were offering him now?

"Yeah," He nodded, "Okay."

Yes. Yes he was.

[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: tinyumbrellas

by Claire Silverman

tinyumbrellas (aka DT) is a 17 year old singer-songwriter from the UK who has recently released her first single ‘Stardust’ onto Spotify.

CS: Hi DT, it’s so great to chat with you! I’ve actually been following you on Instagram for a couple of years now, when you started posting covers on Soundcloud. Now you’ve released your first original song on Spotify, Stardust. What was that like?

DT: Thanks for having me!! It's been really great to finally release music onto Spotify, as even though it’s something I wanted to do, I didn’t really see it as something that I could actually achieve this year! It’s been so nice to get something out into the world via a different platform after using soundcloud for so long.

CS: What prompted you to write Stardust? What made you choose that as your first single?

DT: I started writing my own songs about two years ago, just for fun. I started writing as a kind of therapeutic thing, like journaling but musically!! As part of a project for school this year (along with my A level subjects) I chose to write a bunch of songs, and Stardust was one of them, I think the inspiration really came from having such a big change this year as I had just left secondary school and started the next chapter of my life, meeting new people and experiencing new things, I wanted to write about the simple things and memories that are so precious just because of who they’re made with. I ended up quite liking this song, and after playing it to my friends they really encouraged me to share it, and as it was something i wanted to do too (even though it was very scary!!) I went for it!!

CS: What was the reception of your first single like? Were you nervous releasing it? Do you have a fun story of the first time you heard yourself on radio? I’ve loved playing Stardust on the SHN live shows this semester.

DT: Awh thank you so much!! It’s so crazy to know that Stardust has been played on the radio so far away from where I am!! The first time being on the radio for me I think was when you played one of my songs from soundcloud, I was shocked but very excited to think that someone chose my own song for their radio station!! Yes, I was so scared to release it, but also incredibly excited. I didn’t know what to expect at all, I just wanted to share it in any way I could. I submitted the song to my local radio station not expecting much, but they played it live which was absolutely incredible!! It made me so excited, and a few weeks later they asked to interview me on the radio too which was really fun, something I never thought I’d be doing!!

CS: I love the cover art for Stardust. Did you make it yourself?

DT: Thank you so much! Yeah I did, I was actually inspired a lot by @demiiwhiffin and her art for Orla Gartland’s music. I really liked the idea of collaging and thought it matched the homemade vibes of the music too. 

CS: What’s been your favorite song to cover, either on Instagram or Soundcloud?

DT: Ooh that’s a good question. I think they’re all so fun in their own ways, due to how different they all are. Being able to create a cover in my own style is really interesting too. I think “Dancing in the Moonlight” was especially fun just because it was a collaborative effort with a friend, and also because we used kazoos!!

CS: Oh yes, I loved that one!

DT: Thanks!!

CS: Who are your music inspirations?

DT: I have so many ahhhhh!!! I have to give a special mention to dodie, as I think she really inspired me to start writing music and picking up the ukulele. I adore Cavetown’s songwriting and the softness of the sounds he creates. beabadoobee and chloe moriondo are just awesome artists. I really love just how cool their music is, I think that’s the only way to describe it. Eloise and Charlie Burg have been the artists that have been most influential to me recently, I just love how their music makes me feel most of all.

CS: Would you ever want to collaborate with any of them? (just put it out into the universe now!)

DT: I would jump at the first chance I get!!!! Absolutely, though I’m sure the chances are very slim hahahhh.

CS: Has your relationship with music changed at all since you started writing and releasing your own songs?

DT: Ooh I’ve definitely become a lot more appreciative of music. Learning more about production and songwriting has just made me have so much respect for the people that do this as their jobs, it’s incredible! For me, it’s really become part of who I am, being able to connect with music how I do now is a lot different to what it was like before, it’s also how I express myself too by songwriting instead of just driving myself insane with thoughts.

CS: You play ukulele and guitar (and the kazoo of course), are there any other instruments you’d like to learn?

DT: Hahahhh yesssss!!! I would really love to learn drums because they add so much to a song and I just wanna know how they work, also people just look so cool when they play drums! Playing piano too would be really awesome, I wish I had learnt it when I was younger.

CS: How did you choose the name tinyumbrellas?

DT: It was a random decision really. I started this Instagram page (@tinyumbrellahs) before I knew I wanted to start sharing music on it, and tinyumbrellahs was a random name that didn’t have any connotations to my own name (I didn’t want people from school finding the account...). My mum was wearing a shirt that had patterns of tiny umbrellas on so I just thought okay that will do. When I actually started releasing music I thought about changing the name but I didn’t want to use my own name and I couldn’t think of anything else so I just stuck with it.

CS: What do you do outside of music?

DT: I'm at school at the moment studying for my A levels, that takes up a lot of my time. I also dance which is really fun!

CS: How do you balance school and music?

DT: I think I primarily focus on getting my schoolwork done, and make music when I have time as a reward because I know it’ll be fun. I never treat music as an obligation which I think works well for me because I never feel like I have to be working on something. I just make music when I want to and when I feel inspired (which ends up being a lot of the time!!) But having said that a lot of my music is made in procrastination from schoolwork.

CS: Do you have any new music coming in the future that you can tell us about?

DT: There’s no plans set in stone at the moment but I am working on some songs that I really want to share, so next year should hopefully be good for new music.

CS: What are your favorite songs at the moment?

DT: The ‘This Thing Called Living’ EP by Eloise has some of my favourite songs of all time so definitely that, ‘GIRL ON TV’ by chloe moriondo too, and ‘To Dance Is To Love’ by Charlie Burg!

CS: Thanks so much for spending the time to do this interview. I’m very excited to see what you do in the future! And good luck on your A levels!

DT: Thank you so much to you too!! It’s such a pleasure to have you reach out, thanks for playing my music on your show!!!

Follow DT:

Instagram: @tinyumbrellahs

Twitter: @tinyumbrellahs 

Soundcloud: ☆ tinyumbrellas ☆

Youtube: tinyumbrellas

Spotify: tinyumbrellas

Originally published at @SHNradio on Instagram November 25, 2020

[tdystmr]

college student! jackson x sugar daddy! mark // sugar daddy x baby socmed au

b a c k g r o u n d i n f o 🍓

jackson is THE popular kid despite him having his own set of financial problems. he lives with a foster family because his parents died in a car accident when he was 11, but still grew up to be a well-mannered, cheerful boy

mature 21 year old who knows his strenghts and weaknesses. very motivated and hard working, but tends to fall for the bad type rather than good influences. is also too nice and sweet to point out other’s mistakes and flaws so he usually goes along with whatever his friends do. has always wanted to move out because as much as he loves his foster family, he knows that they struggle with their own swt of problems as well and feels like a burden now that college fees are piling up

mark is a millionaire, successful bachelor at the fine age of 29. recognised for his success in starting and building his own business at 22, took him only 7 years to reach his current success of a multi-million enterprise in Seoul trading and exporting goods.

is a very mysterious figure to the press because he is extremely private about his life outside of work. lives alone, has no known dating history, only known family is his family in USA ands seems to be completely disinterested in relationships under than a tight-knit group of friends. the press would love to get some dirt on this successful businessman.

jjp are mark’s close friends and a power couple of Korea ( lgbtq+ rs are supported in korea in this au ) and have always wanted him to look for a partner. yugyeom, mark’s other close friend, also wants him to not be so lonely anymore since he’s pushing 30 already.

meanwhile, youngjae + bambam are jackson’s best friends. youngjae’s fam is jackson’s foster fam while the three of them all attend Seoul University tgt. they’re close friends because they all share an interest in music and just enjoy each other’s company. they’re the same age in this au, so they met at the usual freshmen orientation drinking session and bambam almost puked on jackson’s crotch. ever since then, they’ve been inseparable.

youngbam are also well known in the school - youngjae for performing on stage every year at the annual talent show while bambam is known for his cool style and being the vice president of the dance club.

p l o t 🍓

jackbamjae are joking arnd in their gc abt life after college when jackson finally tells them his plan to move out of his foster home after they finish their second year of college. yj ofc objects because he doesn’t see js as a burden, but respects jackson’s decision because js insists.

bambam suggests a sugar daddy website to get money. ofc, both of the other two question him on how he got to know such a site existed. he tells them that ten ( pres of the dance club ) got to know his bf through this site. bam tells them that it isn’t super shady or wtv and the men aren’t so bad at all

js says wtv and gives it a go, so he signs up with the help of bamjae. he has a basketball friendly match, so he rushes off after that

at the same time, mark’s bday is approaching. jjgyeom are planning a surprise for him and hopefully, it’ll include some sort of a date that mark will agree to go on. yugyeom had also come across the sugar daddy website by simply lurking on the nsfw side of the internet and jjp have learnt not to question him too much on what he does in his free time.

he found js’s profile and knowing mark’s type, immediately suggested the idea to jjp. jb, who’s been mark’s longest friend, says that mark might not completely be opposed to it because he knows that mark has been stressed lately and a way to let out that frustration would be good. jy, on the other hand, cautions that mark might not like the idea because mark is the kind of guy to value genuine relationships over meaningless hookups, not to mention paying someone for sex and whatnot. despite that, the three arrive at mark’s place on the night of his bday to surprise him

yg suggests the idea to mark after they’ve all had some dinner and mark obv gets mad at first. he says exactly what jy had said, but calms down after jjgyeom explain that they’ve all been worried about how he’s coping and don’t want him to be alone and stressed anymore. mark sees that his friends have good intentions and decides to give it a go, starting the convo with jackson over the website that night after all his friends have left

after about a week of weird dms and some actually good interactions over the site, jackson is about to give up because he hasn’t found anyone truly interested in talking and not just sex. then, he gets mark’s dm

the two hit it off immediately and they end up texting till 3am. they exchanged socmed accounts before they went to bed as well, and js decides to tell bamjae in the morning abt it.

they obv know who the hell mark tuan is and are freaking out over this. jackson rmbs that mark had told him not to spread this and realises that’s the reason why. he warns bamjae not to tell anyone, even their other close friends. bamjae suggest for him to keep texting and to even meet mark on the weekend.

they meet and it goes well and stuff, them slowly establishing their own sort of relationship. they’re more platonic than sexual most of the time, but they do look for each other when they’re horny and in need of release

one day, the press captures mark waiting for js after school at seoul uni + js getting into his car. they post an article with a caption insinuating that mark has a secret relationship, which he fires down with an instagram post about invading his privacy and posting false rumours. he does this because he’s scared that js might be affected.

js is affected, because he realises that he doesn’t mind being in a genuine relationship with mark at all. he tells bamjae ofc, and they help him to realise that he might have developed feelings for the older man. he freaks out because that isn’t part of the deal of being a sugar baby but he doesn’t want to cut mark off either

it’ll end happily, definitely, but the angst will come right after this and i hope it’ll be good :<

e x t r a c t f r o m f i r s t c o n v o 🍓

Yien_duan_

Hey, is this Wangpuppy825?

Wangpuppy825

that’s me! you can call me jackson ☺️

Yien_duan_

Oh, okay sure. I’m Mark. How old are you again?

Wangpuppy825

i’m 21 this year 🤩 wbu?

Yien_duan_

I’ve just turned 30

What’s your major in college?

Wangpuppy825

just? when’s your birthday? 🧐

i major in Sports science studies at SNU

Yien_duan_

4 september

Woah, you sound like a pretty smart kid

Wangpuppy825

oh, belated birthday mark hyung 🥳🥳

i can call you that, right 🥺

also, i’m not that smart hahah i just study hard 😌

Yien_duan_

Yeah, hyung is fine

Thank you, by the way :)

Wangpuppy825

no prob, hyung ☺️

quick qn though, do you look really old?

Yien_duan_

Ummm.....no?

Wangpuppy825

do you mind sending a pic 😖

i’m sorry if this sounds weird it’s just i’ve gotten lots of dms from 50 year olds posing as 20-30 year olds and it’s creepy 😳

Yien_duan_

Okay but you can’t tell anyone about this, okay?

Wangpuppy825

why? is it embarrassing for you 😮

Yien_duan_

[image attached]

It’s not really about being embarrassed, I guess

Wangpuppy825

omg

Yien_duan_

Why?

Wangpuppy825

you look so hot wtf 🥵

and you look so young????? you look my age 😳😳

god is unfair for making you so pretty 😤

Yien_duan_

Oh

You mean you...

Wangpuppy825

i...???

Yien_duan_

Oh, nothing hahah

I’m just surprised you think I look good because well...

You’re really cute, Jackson :<

Wangpuppy825

wow okay you have no idea how different it feels to hear that from a hot person rather than just my friends hyping me up 😳😳😳

Yien_Tuan

Your friends? Did they persuade you to do this?

Y’know, my friends actually set me up with you as sort of a birthday present

Wangpuppy825

oh? then i guess i should thank them 😳

and yes, my friends did persuade me to do this hhahaha

Yien_Duan_

Thank my friends? What for?

Your friends did a good job with the basketball pictures. I think those were what made my friend Yugyeom choose you

Wangpuppy825

thank them for setting me up with such a hottie 🥵

oh! you play?

Yien_Duan_

Ahh, you’re making me embarrassed... 😳

Yeah, I played when I was in college in USA

Wangpuppy825

omg you used an emoji for the first time 🥰

usa? you’re a foreigner too?

Yien_Duan_

Hahah, I don’t really use emojis because I’m used to texting formally at work 😅

Wow, it feels like we’ve got a lot in common huh

Wangpuppy825

use them more 🥺

it does! you’re probably the most interesting person i’ve met on this site the whole week 😌😌

Yien_Duan_

Then I’m honoured I got your attention first :)

Tell me more about yourself? Unless you’ve got to go to bed already

Wangpuppy825

oh, no no hahah

i usually sleep way past midnight so this is fine 🤩

anyway, who would be crazy enough to turn down a conversation with someone like you 😖😖

Yien_Duan_

Flirtatious, are we?

Wangpuppy825

only because you’re adorable 🥰

t a g s 🍓

sugar daddy x sugar baby au

social media au

possessive mark

switch jackson

dominant mark

sexting / nudes

fluff / angst / smut

college student! jackson

friends with benefits-ish to lovers

[imreallyhereforportal]

Portal Secret Santa 2019

Hey @the-real-baberaham-lincoln!! Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!! I really REALLY hope you like this lil’ Chelley one-shot. I took some “creative liberties,” apologies hehe. Merry Christmas, I’m so sorry I’m late. hugs and kisses x infinity

~~~~

Resonance

“Agh - no! Dammit, God...n-not that I’m not happy to see you! Of course I am! I just...thought you wouldn’t be back...until later.”

That certainly wasn’t a greeting Chell usually met on her way through the door. Typically Wheatley’s eyes would light up, inflating with delight and, sometimes, relief, as he lifted his gaze from whatever he’d been doing. And then the corners of his lips would follow in that dazzling, toothy grin, and he’d open his mouth with the cheeriest “Hullo!”. He’d watch her for a moment, like he had no intention of moving. And then he’d remember his legs and stand so that he could welcome her properly. Wheatley would envelop her in a short hug, or perhaps offer a kiss to her temple. Or he’d take what she held in her hands, ridding her of burdens. 

That was their routine. And, quite frankly, Chell missed it now, having been expectant of it, disgruntled and damp as she gripped her sopping purse. The files inside were doubtless ruined. She’d been angered by that earlier, but now her concern landed on her tall, lanky, clearly bothered partner standing in their kitchen twenty feet away.

Wheatley didn’t seem to have noticed her current state. He appeared preoccupied with an urge to bang his head against the wall. 

“I - ugh, well, cat’s out of the bag now, I s’pose,” he said gruffly. Wheatley gestured to the table in front of him with a wave of his arm. Chell’s confusion only increased as she noted the several glass cups poised in a line before him. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about them from where she stood. Chell stared at Wheatley for a second, waiting for him to elaborate, but he avoided her gaze, glaring at the glasses like they’d offended him. Huffing silently, Chell moved to take her coat off. 

“I mean, it’s not the end of the world. I was going to show you eventually anyhow, so it’ll do, but I’d meant for more time - OH!”

Chell spun around at his sudden outburst, coat in hand.

Wheatley gaped at her. He stuttered, stopped, then traversed the room in great, heavy strides, reaching with both hands. One of them was closed around something. “I - I didn’t notice…” He took her bag and placed it on the carpet beside them. When he turned back, he fiddled with the trinket he’d been holding before tossing it onto the couch behind him.

Chell watched as it reflected light from the ceiling lamp, but she didn’t see what is was.

Wheatley went to grab a hanger from the closet while she crouched to untie her squelching boots. She heard him try again, “I didn’t see you’d gotten rained on. Don’t know how, it’s quite obvious, actually, what with your hair dripping and that scowl on your face.”

She looked up at that. He was smiling at her lightly, over his shoulder. Chell narrowed her eyes in return, but he recognized her mutual teasing.

Wheatley disappeared once the coat hung in its usual spot. As she finished tugging off her boots, he rounded the corner back into view, equipped with a large bath towel. He approached her and began to wrap it around Chell but she stopped him with a raised hand. She wasn’t in the mood for a scrubbing, if that’s what he planned to do.

Eyeing him gratefully, Chell unfurled the towel herself. “It didn’t rain,” she stated plainly. Not while she’d been out. “Some car drove over a puddle.”

“Must’ve been quite the puddle,” Wheatley supplied. His smile faltered at the look she gave him. “And - and how dare it, right? Totally against social etiquette, to be such a big puddle on the side of the road. And how dare that driver! Should’ve known better, whoever they were, or at least been more careful. Anyway, besides that, how was your day?”

Chell shrugged. Nothing special, though she’d been let off early. She was still a bit drenched, droplets trailing down her face and back, but that was subject to change. Standing by the entryway of their home, warm and drying and Wheatley close by, it wasn’t all that bad. Though, she definitely needed to examine the contents of her bag.

It could wait. She was still perplexed by Wheatley’s initial welcome. “What were you doing?” she asked.

“I - me? Well, I, uh…” he looked at the ground imploringly, like it would aid him with the rest of his words. A few instances passed where Wheatley seemed to be making up his mind. Chell didn’t rush him. Ultimately, he met her gaze, determined. “Come see.”

He led her almost all the way back to the kitchen before stopping with a quiet “Oh!” and returning to the couch, grabbing whatever tool he’d thrown down earlier.

Chell took the opportunity to examine the table more closely. About a dozen glasses sat in a neat array, and they appeared to be filled with water. A metal spoon lay close by. As he approached, Chell understood that Wheatley had retrieved a second spoon, now held in a closed fist. He looked at her a bit nervously, chewing his lip and wringing his hands. Chell tried for an attentive but casual disposition, wringing out her hair with the towel.

He understood. “Right, so, I’ve been trying to, uh, learn something. Well, more like figure it out myself. ‘Cause, I sort of discovered, I guess you could say, that when you tap a spoon against one of these glasses-” he stopped to demonstrate, a chime coloring the air “-it lets out a note. Yeah, I thought that was curious, and - this is the interesting part - when you fill the glass with some water-” he tapped another glass, and another note sounded “-you get a different one.” As he shared, Wheatley’s voice danced with barely-suppressed excitement. He’d clearly forgotten about his nerves. “And so, I was thinking, ‘Why not keep doing that?’ Y’know, filling the glasses with different amounts of water, ‘cause that was definitely the critical factor in making the note change. So I did that, and...” He let his actions explain, tapping three glasses, a grin on his face.

Clink. Clink. Clink. Chell was no expert on music, but the pitches were obviously a sequence from some scale. Wheatley was right - it was interesting, and quite impressive, for Wheatley to have measured out the exact water amounts that produced the right notes. It didn’t escape her, though, that he must’ve been banging flatware on their glasses to have learned about the chiming noises.

Wheatley’s attention was still fixated on the arrangement in front of them. “And so I uh...well, I’ve been practicing. Something. And I’m not sure if it’s ready, to be honest, I wasn’t sure when I’d be showing you, but...” He smiled sheepishly. He glanced at the funnel in the towel where she’d been collecting hair and squeezing out water, then back to her. “Now might be as good of a time as any. Hopefully.”

Wordlessly, he grabbed the back of a chair and sat down. Wheatley acquired his other spoon from the table, one in each hand, and looked over his ensemble of glass cups. Chell took a couple steps back to give him space. From this trajectory, she could see how each glass had been filled to a different line. Wheatley watched her as she shifted, hunkered down and close to his instruments before she offered an emphasized nod. Of course, Chell figured what she was about to hear, and she felt more than a little intrigued to see its execution. A look of heavy concentration flooded Wheatley’s face. He brought a hand up, the spoon shaking slightly in his grasp, hesitated, and brought it against the glass’s side.

Chell recognized the tune with about four clinks. Greensleeves. Interesting choice. It was a beautiful piece, one Wheatley knew she enjoyed, delicate but cleverly rich, the kind of music that would prompt her to choose a spot on the wall and watch it unseeingly. It had some sort of calming effect that coaxed her out of thought. Not many things could manage it. Chell usually heard Greensleeves on piano, soft and deep. This rendition was not much the same.

This was sweet. Stirring and light with each bump of the glass. Chell gazed at Wheatley, the maestro, as he persuaded every note from his orchestra, slowly but surely. The water would shake upon playing its part, but Wheatley didn’t. After his initial tension, his face relaxed, and his hands worked easily. He must’ve practiced thoroughly to gain such confidence. Or maybe he was in his element with music.

Given the nature of the instrument, Chell had expected some of the notes to come out harsh, maybe even abrasive, or perhaps the tempo to slow further, but nothing of the sort happened. She allowed herself to embrace the sounds as she did when she heard the song on the radio. Subconsciously, Chell trusted she could give herself up to the music, and Wheatley wouldn’t falter.

He played thirty-two measures, the renowned beginning of the piece, before his final note rang, clear as the rest. Wheatley looked at her nervously as Chell woke from her voluntary trance, but she saw the relief brimming in his eyes. She knew why. He hadn’t known if he could do it, if he could carry her from reality into a state of peace, even as her hair dripped and the towel weighed down on her. He hadn’t known if his idea was even all that interesting, but he’d tried to make something special for Chell. His song choice proved that. 

It’d been short, but it’d definitely been memorable. A gift. 

Eventually, Wheatley spoke up. “So, what do you think? Did you like that?”

Chell responded by crossing to his side of the table, sitting across his lap, and wrapping the towel around both of them. Their own little peace, like the one he created for her. Every day. She smiled brightly and told him she loved it before sealing her words with a kiss.

[collecting-stories]

Ghost - Modern!Ivar

A/N: This is for @tephi101‘s 800 follower writing challenge. I’m so sorry this was late and hopefully it turned out okay. I’ve been wrestling with this idea since I signed up for your challenge and I was gonna scrap it but I just couldn’t let go lol. So here it is!

Ghost - Modern!Ivar x reader

It was an odd thing to think but ghosts had played an unusual part in your relationship with Ivar. In your small apartment three stories up from the ground you laid in bed thinking about the young man that had taken up too much of your time for the last four years. If you could have done it over again, rewound time to the exact moment you meant and decided not to be outgoing you never would. Regardless of everything that had happened in the past four years you would never change any of the memories you had or trade them or something else.  

You could still remember the day you met Ivar. Never much for company, he’d been dragged by his brothers to a Halloween party at a friend’s house. They’d convinced him to dress as some sort of famous, historical, and physically disabled dead guy, telling him it’d be funny. He was the ghost of FDR if you remembered correctly and he looked absolutely livid to even be there in the house. That and the living room where everyone was spending their time was sunken-in, making it near impossible for him to actually join in the festivities. Which was better luck for you because you had no interest in parties either and you desperately just wanted to go home so when he rolled up to the snack table you couldn’t help thinking that you finally had a companion for the evening.  

“What are you meant to be?” You had asked, voice slightly raised because even in the kitchen you could hear the noise of the living room.  

“A president?” He shrugged. “A ghost of a president.”

“Oh Roosevelt. Clever.”  

“My brother chose it...I’d’ve preferred to stay home.” He replied. Ivar was certain he’d severed any chance at further conversation. He wanted to sulk in piece at the food table not entertain someone who had the unartistic sense to dress as a black cat at Halloween. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure who this Roosevelt fellow was.  

“Do you want any of the punch?” You asked as you dipped your red cup into the punch bowl and scooped out a good helping of whatever the concoction was.  

“Not particularly.” Ivar watched as you shrugged and took a rather large gulp of the blue liquid. You coughed immediately afterward, trying to cover it with an awkward laugh that only made it more noticeable.  

“It’s really strong.” You confirmed, looking down into the cup before sniffing it suspiciously, as if you would be able to tell all the different types of alcohol from one whiff of the over-sugared drink.  

“I can tell.” There was just a hint of a smirk on his face and you smiled at him, pleased with yourself that you’d managed to make him grin, even just a little bit.  

You decided that now was as good a time as any to introduce yourself to him and hoped as you told him your name he wouldn’t just brush you off as being annoying. If you were lucky he’d give you a name back and if things truly worked in your favor maybe you would see more of Roosevelt. He did tell you his name, Ivar, and he threw in a snarky comment about your unoriginal cat costume while he introduced himself.

“I didn’t really want to be here, this was all my friends could find in my apartment.” You replied. Honestly you weren’t too interested in the party scene, at least not when you were in the middle of your third year of college and you wanted everything to go according to plan.  

“You had cat ears on hand?” He asked skeptically.

“Yes?”

You met Ivar again purposely. After the party you had given him your number, hoping he would use it but positive he would only throw it away. So that first text from him was surprising but welcome. He wasn’t what you expected, both then and every day after that.  

The best dates were not even dates but simple movie nights. The two of you sequestered in your apartment, lounging across the couch with snacks littering the coffee table as you watched movie after movie. Eventually one or both of you would fall asleep only to wake hours later to the generic lock screen of your apple tv playing picture-videos of different global locations. You alternated each week who would choose the movie but that never stopped Ivar from complaining every time you chose something he didn’t like.  

“It’s iconic,” you argued, sitting on the couch and tossing your legs over Ivar’s lap. It was movie night at the flat and due to a lost bet between you and Ivar the week prior it was up to you to choose the movie.  

“It’s stupid.” He complained, reaching over to take the freshly made bowl of popcorn from you just as Whoopi Goldberg appeared on screen. “He’s dead, she should move on.”

“She can’t. She was in love and his ghost self is still haunting the apartment.” You replied, a smile on your face.

Ivar huffed in annoyance, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the television screen, deciding not to pay attention.  

You couldn’t help laughing at his expression and leaned over, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Just think, next Friday you get to pick the movie.”  

He had his own collection of questionable movie choices but you were never one to complain, a trait that helped to balance out the relationship you found yourself in. He was reluctant to call you his girlfriend and at first you thought it had something to do with you. Maybe he didn’t like you the way you thought he liked you or maybe he just didn’t want to label something so soon because there could be others. Your friends were far more willing to believe that Ivar was just another fuckboy, toying with your emotions while he occupied his time away from you with other girls who were equally willing to believe his stories. But it wasn’t that. His unwillingness to call you his girlfriend had everything to do with his own insecurities and the reality of something more serious than you realized. ��

-

“I thought this was movie night?” Ivar grumbled.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know anyone was coming over.” You replied. The movie paused and Ivar disappeared into your bedroom as you pressed the buzzer. “Hello?”

“Hey, you answered!” Hvitserk’s happy voice rung through speaker. “Buzz me up?”

“I’m kinda busy H.” You insisted, chancing a look back to the living room.

“Please?”

-

The first time Ivar asked you to be his girlfriend it was an entire two months after you met him. He was with you after a play that you had somehow managed to drag him to. A Christmas Carol was on at the local playhouse and your sister’s son was playing Tiny Tim. You took the opportunity to invite Ivar on a date to a place that wasn’t just your house and were surprised when he accepted. The play was alright, a great effort for a cast of volunteers that were putting the show on purely because they loved it. You made plenty of jokes about Ivar being more like Scrooge than Tiny Tim and he grumbled through them pretending to be annoyed.  

He wasn’t.

After the play while you helped him into the car he told you that he needed to talk to you about something. Acting like it was serious was a guaranteed way to make you instantly nervous but then he smiled and you knew it was nothing too bad.

“So I told my mom that I was bringing my girlfriend to Christmas Eve,” he said, sending you a hopeful look. He fiddled with the hand controls on his car as he started to back out of the theatre parking lot, trying to sound nonchalant.  

“Yeah?” You asked, turning to him with the beginnings of a smile. “Your girlfriend?”

“That okay?”  

“That’s perfect.” You replied.

When you got home that night you and Ivar watched the Kelsey Grammar version of A Christmas Carol and he listened to you tell him how sad it was when Scrooge danced with the ghost of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Ghosts once more dictated the important moments of your life with him.  

-

“It’ll be fun,” Hvitserk tried to reason, sitting down on the couch with you where you had paused the movie. You picked at the fringe on your blanket, trying to appear indifferent but knowing that you probably looked on the verge of a breakdown.

“I don’t know...I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere.”

-

It was Halloween again and you were the ghost this time. When you thought back on it you couldn’t remember anything about your costume or Ivar’s, only that you were a ghost. The party was in a different house this time, a house that belonged to Hvitserk’s current girlfriend. You were in the kitchen like last time, talking to the young woman that had captured Ivar’s brother’s attention for the time being while Ivar was in the bathroom.  

And then someone called your name. It was a screamed that sounded so loud you swore the music had been cut but you knew when you thought back on it that the music was still blaring in the background. A friend of a friend appeared in the hallway, gripping the corner of the wall as they called your name once more.

“It’s Ivar!”  

He was laying on his side in the hallway, just out of the bathroom door, his wheelchair on it’s side. He was seizing and you yelled for someone to call an ambulance though there was already someone on the phone as you said it. Hvitserk came running from somewhere in the house shouting his brother’s name and dropping to his knees when he arrived by his brother’s side.  

The ambulance seemed to come slow but you knew it was fast. You would’ve insisted on riding with him but Hvitserk looked close to a breakdown so instead you managed to pull yourself together long enough to drive Hvitserk to the hospital in Ivar’s car. You weren’t great at hand controls and nearly stalled the car three times on the way there but you made it in one piece and followed Hvitserk inside as he rushed the front desk demanding to know where his brother was.  

Both of you stayed that night, sitting in the waiting room until you were allowed to go sit in Ivar’s room. Eventually Hvitserk went home but you never did. Not until Ivar was permitted to. You both went home together, back to your apartment. He talked candidly about what happened at the house party and what was wrong and why he had been so reluctant to call you his girlfriend. You were in love and you told him that.  

-

That Christmas you and Ivar were separated. Your mother had bought the whole family cruise tickets and Ivar declined, the thought of being trapped on a ship in the middle of the ocean not his idea of a good time. The internet held up though and you spent a majority of your time sending him snapchats of yourself, sometimes more compromising, always giddy when the little ghost on your phone let you know that you had a notification.  

Ivar enjoyed the exchange as well though he would have preferred having you there in person, a fact he was not shy about letting you know. Once Christmas was done and you had returned home the need for the third-party ghost was no longer necessary.  

“I’m going to go on vacation more often if you’re this excited to see me!” You teased, kissing him as he leaned over you in bed that night.

“I’m this excited to see you when you get home from the grocery store.” He replied, grinning. Cheesy but always flattering you had no comeback other than pulling him in for another kiss.  

-

“Where are you going?” Ivar asked, watching you get changed out of your comfy pajamas.

“Hvitserk asked me to go out with him, just to a bar or something.” You commented, trying to ignore the twist in your stomach as you met his eyes in the mirror. He looked annoyed and you looked away.

“I thought we were watching movies.”  

“I can’t sit here and watch movies forever Ivar.”

-

You got two more Halloweens and two more Christmases and an eternity of days between them all. It was January when Ivar collapsed again, not for the first or second time but for the last. You were alone this time and you called 911, crying through the phone to ‘please come, please’. Hvitserk met you at the hospital. Ivar’s mother, his other brothers, his dad, and a few friends all followed. They waited and waited and left and came back and repeated the cycle for months. And then spring came and Ivar went.  

Hvitserk was sitting in the room, talking to you and Ivar about a girl he met at the bar the weekend before when it happened. Ivar was holding your hand, his thumb running back and forth on your skin as he listened to his brother. Every so often you looked up at your boyfriend and smiled, sweet and loving and hopeful. Then his hand gripped yours, too tight, before going limp and he seized one last time. The monitors went off and a whole team of medical professionals came running in and you felt yourself being ushered out and you heard yourself calling his name. And Hvitserk reached for you and he stood there in the hallway holding you close to his chest as you sobbed for his brother.  

-

“But it’s movie night.” Ivar looked close to tears and you stopped drying your hair long enough to turn away from the mirror and face him.  

“Ivar,” You shook your head. God you were going crazy. You’d locked yourself in your apartment ever since the funeral. You just kept watching the same movies on repeat, not eating, hardly sleeping. You smelled and you looked terrible and you were depressed and every inch of your body ached with hurt and you were angry. But you couldn’t be forever. “Ivar, you aren’t here.”

“I am.”

“No...no you aren’t.” You insisted. “I love you but you aren’t here anymore. I have to go, I can’t stay here with you.”  

“Just one more night.”  

A knock on the bedroom door and Hvitserk was calling your name, making sure you were okay and you were still going out with him. Even just a walk to the bodega on the corner he said.

“I’ve given you too many nights already.”

- 

I think this is both the fastest and slowest I have ever written a fic before.