#it’ll be a good one I prommie

[thisstormbringsstrangeloyalties]

Chapters: 1/6 Fandom: Dexter (TV) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Dexter Morgan & Original Character

Characters: Original Characters, Dexter Morgan, Debra Morgan, Angel Batista, Meg Winters (Original Character) Additional Tags: expanding on a small detail from a single episode, the writers really dropped the ball on this one, we could have had Dexter be the Kira the world deserves, but nah, also lowkey me living out my fantasies of seeing Joe Goldberg on Dex’s table, it’s what he deserves, (this takes place during season 2 btw) 

Summary:

Meg Winters has a perfectly normal life and a wonderfully perfect boyfriend. Until she stumbles across a perfectly dark secret… and now her very life is in danger. No, not from the Bay Harbor Butcher whose waterlogged body of work has just been uncovered. But from something much closer… Desperate for help, Meg reaches out to a new hero in town, The Dark Defender, dealer of deadly vigilante dirty work. However, once Meg puts out a plea to The Defender, she must deal with the consequences, both bad AND good.

[zagreusboon]

Embarrassing

Myself hammering my repeated songs into my head

[checkadii]

Did I know I needed a TMA RotG AU? No. Did I? Yes. Is Martin just Jon’s assistant or is he his own guardian?

Anon I’m getting my ass beat by art block rn so no. Martin design to drop here yet BUT I do have a vague. Somewhat put together answer!!! This au is very very loose rn, so there’s like. Deviations in EVERYTHING, multiple versions and all we’ve strayed from the 2 we started out with

Theres a “Martin is also Guardian” proposal, and a “Martin was not brought back by the Man in Moon” proposal and a “Martin is just some Normal Dude” AND FINALLY “Martin is a guardian of his own with no connection to Jon”

I still have to refresh my memory on rotg lore outside the movies and since I was never able to buy the books n stuff it’ll be a while phew

I originally wanted Martin to be Guardian if Comfort but im also like. Hnghffh that is too? Watered down maybe? For him? Like his character goes so far that for him to just be comfort doesn’t feel fitting or enough for him idk tho, I do want it to be something abt security in one’s situation(?), knowing your place in the world and confidence and all that as in relation to his struggles in s4-5 with the Lonely !

And in the proposal where he is dead, i would like to think that this is post mag 200, and that the rotg universe is Somewhere Else, and that the transportation simply killed him and didn’t kill Jon. In this version, I have angst ideas for Jon shjsjdj mainly involving Pitch. Bastard. Love him tho

Martin being a normal dude version is just. That. He’s just some normal guy, and this isn’t Somewhere Else, and Jon is either Tooth’s assistant via circumstances or replaces her, maybe they meet, maybe they don’t

Last one is. Also self explanatory, the last two both are, really ahshdhdj Jon is a Guardian, so is Martin, both having due to their own unrelated circumstances

Unrelated to your question, I have some. Notes. If you could call them notes.

I’m so good and coherent when it comes to Au’s I prommy

“and mar” I got slapped by carsickness

[mydictionary-yume]

trees, clouds and plants for saku !!! <33

YIPPEE TY

Trees — What is your f/o's comfort items(s) and vice versa?

I just made this up but bear with me, his default hoodie. It’s one of the first items he bought himself and was one of his first breaks of independence and freedom from the places that just treated him like a burden. After wearing it so often, he found that he just rly likes big hoodies and sweatshirts, so it’s a good thing he has a girl like Lu.

As for Lu, it’ll be revealed in a later drabblecember fic :3. Sorry. It’ll be great tho prommy.

Clouds — How do they comfort you & vice versa?

I think I answered this in another ask game????? Idk. Saku’s def the type to just sit with Lu and wait until she’s ready to respond and will wait to touch until she’s doing a little better or asks for it. Very respectful<3. Lu is similar, but if there’s kinda a lingering Sad Feeling, she’ll kinda just. Carry him around. He’ll insist he’s fine but that isn’t stopping her. He’s getting picked up bridal-style. It’s too late.

Plants — What does your f/o appreciate about you? What do you appreciate about them?

I think he appreciates the overwhelming support she gives him!!! It’s a very different kind from what he gets from his family and the rest of the company, and it’s something he can’t get enough of<3. As for Lu, she appreciates his attentiveness! Bro will drop everything for her and she is so torn between feeling bad for him and feeling so lucky he’s there ;^;.

Ask game

[tallyhoot]

TALLYHOOT YOU’RE SO NICEYS AND COOL OK AND I STILL HAVE A RIDICULOUS AMNT OF FOLLOWERS FOR WHAT I DO ON MAIN SO I PROMMY IT’LL BE OKAY IF NO ONE’S BEEN MAD AT ME YET NO ONE WILL BE MAD AT YOU

I WILL BE HERE… AND I CAN SEND LEKO SOWELI….. <2 <2 <2

ik the idea of people being mad at you is v v stressful but if it helps you can think of it as weeding out the weak so you only have jan pona sina (your good people) around you :) i genuinely don’t think anyone will even think anything of it i prommy

throws chocolate chip granola bar at you

also what might help is if you can go get some cold water and just pause and drink that without looking at anything and try to calm down but ik emotion ken hard so dw :)

:)

thank you

you are very niceys [I like that word it’s silly] and cool too!! :3

alrighty I’m off to draw and drink some water <- probably dehydrated

[lcs-library]

Short fluffy fic for @ashipiko about her sillies<33333 It’s pre-relationship and has a sort of “fell first, fell harder” dynamic, so I hope you enjoy hehe they were so fun to write!!!

“C’mon, it’ll be fun! Please? Because I’m the coolest and you love me so much?” Ashi pleaded, clasping her hands together and giving Azami the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster. Even still, she couldn’t disregard the slight blush dotting his cheeks at the l-word.

“…Fine.” Azami accepted after some hesitation, having to turn away to protect himself from getting ten times more flustered than he already was at her antics.

“Yay!” She cheered, dropping the cute act to throw her hands in the air with glee. “We’re gonna have loads of fun, prommy!” She said with a wink.

As it had turned out, her cousins had managed to get a couple of tickets to a new museum in Veludo through some connections. Apparently, it was meant to combine both art and general history, but she decided it wouldn’t be much fun on her own, so who better to take than Azamin? He mentioned liking history one time, right? And Ashi could look at the art! Win-win!

When they arrived(with Azami having to practically spring after Ashi), they were met with a grand exterior, showcasing the large “grand opening” banner. The two gawked for but a moment before Ashi dragged her friend inside by the wrist eagerly, grinning like a madman.

It may have been a good thing that she didn’t see the wreck Azami had become at the simple affection. Not even that, but the fact that she was so casual about it? He could barely comprehend how she didn’t think anything of it.

Once their tickets were accepted and they entered the lobby, Ashi turned to Azami.

“So, where to first? You’ve prolly got better taste in this stuff than I do, Azamin!” She exclaimed, squeezing his hand slightly, only deepening the hues on Azami’s cheeks.

“They’ve got dinosaur bones, so, uh, let’s see those.” Azami replied quietly, avoiding eye contact.

“Dinos, huh? Okay! Sounds super hypesies!” Ashi beamed, throwing up a peace sign before dragging Azami across the museum to find the exhibit.

Azami really wished he could let go. This was completely, utterly, totally improper, even if they were just friends. That didn’t change the fact that it was gross! And in public? What would other people think?

And yet, it felt…nice? To age someone who genuinely wanted to spend time with him was something new. To be connected to someone both physically and emotionally was something he had to admit he missed, even just a little.

Then, all of a sudden, someone who wants it just as much as he does shows up and thing actually start to feel alright? Not only that, but she had a similar mentality about age and how they were treated because of it? It all clicked together a little too perfectly, like they were made for each other.

Wait, why was his heart beating faster at the thought?

“Azamin?” Ashi’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Oh, no, now it was hard to look at her. Shit. He put on a brave face and responded as best as he could.

“What’s up?” A voice crack. Why, God?

“We’re here!”

So they were. Azami gazed around the room, taking everything in.

He almost looked like a little kid in the way his eyes shined, Ashi thought. It was cute, something rare for him.

Soon, she found herself skipping after Azami as he prattled on and on about every single creature, giving her an endless supply of facts as she supported him.

“Where’d you learn all of these, Azamin? They’re, like, super cool!”

“I just liked ‘em as a kid…” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he realized how he was acting.

God, he was so adorable, Ashi couldn’t stand it. She let out a hearty chuckle as he tried not to let her feelings show, lest Azami kill her for seeing him like this.

“You done here?” She asked cheerfully.

“Yeah. Let’s go see the paintings you wanted.”

“Okie! Race you there!” She dashed off.

“Wh- hey! You shouldn’t do that here!” Azami cried, rushing after her.

[emeraldcreeper]

This whole I can’t move out from the absurd makings of whatever situation I’m living in really blows

I really just want to make Chinese food at this point which is about my general state, I got a Chinese cookbook for my “”birthday”” (8 days ago, since before then my mom waxed poetic about a recipe of my dead father’s that is in this cookbook along with you guessed it Chinese foods including paper wrapped chicken (ginger chicken which is fried in foil wrapping, in a wok) which will probably make a mess in my grandmas kitchen (and drive her up a wall, most likely, even if she doesn’t say it out loud) because frying stuff always makes a goddamn mess

and Jesus I wish there was a clandestine way for me to just do my own goddamn hair, I’ve got clippers and scissors in storage I just need them out and I need a broom or something so I can uh clean up the hair mess I make because I do not want to see the guy who cut my hair last like two years ago (embarrassed, I cheated on him with my own clippers, he didn’t mind but I am no longer self sufficient if I cannot cut my own hair in a tidy and contained manner, having a decent looking haircut it’s like half my self esteem man) I know what I want, what I usually fuckin do, a 4 guard on everything except the too long part which I cut haphazardly until it looks good, which is embarrassing to say to the nice man who absolutely would cut my hair for me and likely remembers what he did before (it’s a common men’s cut he did a fade on the sides and shorter it’s basically an undercut in mens haircut speak) I’m just embarrassed about like 30,000 things and hate talking to hairdressers that’s why I don’t go to them, plus I find it cathartic to cut it myself, plus it’s cheaper like 30-40 minutes of my own time using the clippers ive owned plus showering after I can even go with my preferred guard length because I can cut it more often to a slightly longer length (3/8ths inch maybe 1/4 but I prefer 1/2 I’m blonde and pale as fuck I look weird with anything under a 3 you can’t tell there’s hair past a certain point) I’ve also still got the migraine so I can’t exactly plan for a low pain hour to do anything without ending up almost crying or killing someone when the pain overloads my brain so much I get cranky or cry-y

I should follow the advice of the “just fucking talk about it club for the mentally ill because CHRIST I can literally just cut my own hair I’m gonna get my clippers out Sunday (uncle has birthday dinner tomorrow and I reckon it’ll be an hours long affair and kill me in all manners including physical) I told my mom I was considering getting my clippers and water flosser (that I took from her, she didn’t use it, I do now, it’s the one way I floss, by washing my face and bullying myself into being at a sink at night) and like if I don’t make a mess, which god willing I won’t, will be tidy lad doing tidy lad haircut to not want to die and feel sososo handsome it’ll be fine and not freak anyone out cause I’ve done the sameish haircut for two years (a year and change I think probably I assume) and it looks nice and I Will Not make a mess I will lay down towels and not make a mess I prommy I don’t wanna see my old hairdresser I feel awkward about him

[28dayslater]

If we can just equalise one more time and get to the penalty shootout it’ll all be good I prommy… the copa del rey is ours already

[combusting]

Listen I can’t explain exactly why she’s so good without spoiling the entire VN but she is so determined to exact revenge on this family that in every single one of the millions, perhaps billions, of possible timelines, she is successful. There’s one singular timeline where the precipitating event driving her to revenge doesn’t happen but this family is so fucked that everyone dies anyway. She has enough clout that she’s able to convince any character to be an accomplice either through blackmail, bribery, lies (teehee let’s set up a totally fake murder mystery pwease play along it’ll be fun I won’t be killing anyone for real I prommy), or simply having a backstory so fucked up that certain characters agree to go along with it and die because Yeah We All Deserve It. In the true canon timeline she conceived of these millions of ways her massacre could play out and wrote a bunch of them up as fanfiction then sent them out to sea as messages in bottles. Her plan always ends with a massive fucking explosion destroying the family’s private island to make the murders completely unsolvable. Also a rizz master. Genuinely a complex and fascinating character. Read Umineko. There’s an excellent manga adaption if you can’t commit to the VN

round 3a

[rememberxyou]

ryan destiny. she/her. cis woman. — 🫧 have i just seen juno adler leaving sophie’s music as a bass teacher instead of showing up at town meeting? these twenty-five year olds… they’re the perfect fit for the marceline the vampire queen trope, not only being independent & volatile but a weathered teddy bear, snow sprinkling atop empty mountains, and a blinding red checks out. maybe no one will notice they were missing, there’s a lot of new faces recently.

yam’s lil devil number two !

QUICK FACTS:

full name: juno eileen adler

date of birth: march 24, 1997

zodiac big three: aries sun, virgo moon, scorpio rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

ethnicity: 1/4 white, 3/4 black

enneagram: 9w8

mbti: isfp

temperament: melancholic-sanguine

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

questionnaire: click here

BACKSTORY:

* fairly short as of right now... writing this at 3am to make sure it’s ready asfldjklsd i can only articulate so much !

triggers: death (car accident), stroke, alzheimer’s disease

juno didn’t know her parents for long. as any given angsty tumblr rp background would include, a fatal car accident, courtesy of swerving out of the way of a drunk driver, took place when she was five.

unlike any given angsty tumblr rp background where the parents die at the beginning, she did have a stroke of luck that did not put her in the foster system: her mother’s parents. quick to step in and take on the role of guardian, juno was nurtured beautifully. offered a stuffed bear, who would affectionately become known as ‘yubby,’ absence, while felt and painful, was not as strong as it could have been.

angsty tumblr rp background something something. at eleven years old, it seemed that her grandfather -- pop -- had been acting a bit more erratically. more forgetful, slight changes in personality, but her grandmother -- mawmaw -- assured her that it was simply old age.

whale. angsty something something. old age caught up to mawmaw, suffering a stroke when juno was thirteen that would have complications leading to death a year later... as pop’s forgetfulness and personality changes became more intense.

although he was soon unfit to take care of a child, juno did her best to mask that and, instead, took care of him. everything he did for her, she began doing for him.

it was gradual, and whether that was good or bad, she wasn’t quite sure. but at nineteen, he ran through a spell of forgetting who she was... and it was then that it was deemed time to find somewhere more suited to take him, because now she wasn’t fit to take care of him.

a hefty amount of her inheritance was spent on uprooting and moving after researching some of the best facilities. a highly lauded one was placed in a city nearby... but, god, it was expensive. thus, she checked him there and moved to a cheaper town, just a couple miles out: stars hollow.

well... it’s given her more time to practice ! and teach kids about one of her greatest passions that i never went over in this intro bc im so tired ! it’ll be edited to expand one day i prommy <3

CONNECTION IDEAS:

students ! epic bass player, bruh ! allow juno to try to educate your muse on the sick instrument that is the bass.

old friends ! while she didn’t grow up in stars hollow, she did grow up in connecticut. mayhaps a few summers spent in one town or another ? such leading into a great friendship that’s stayed throughout the years ?

roommate(s) ! you cannot live off of inheritance and music teaching money for forever...

bandmates ! joint connection with jude warren ! if i am correct, thus far only vocals/guitar (jude), guitar (arlo floyd), and bass (juno) are the swooped up instruments. ( guitar-wise, i... don’t know who plays rhythm and who plays lead... the average dynamic would suggest the vocalist plays rhythm, but- )

ex(es) ! with a rocky outlook on love, one in which she both desires and fears it, this could go a number of ways !

all the regulars ! friends, best friends, enemies, frenemies, fwbs, ons, co-workers, so on and so forth and what have you !

[glowinggator]

Domestic Headcanons

Summary: Domestic headcanons with everyone’s favorite ogre! (Oni?)

Pairing: Loathsome Leonard/Reader (Established Relationship) 

Content Warnings: None!

Word Count: 1142

[A/N: I can’t fucking believe I wrote 1k words for a single character headcanon. girl i don’t even simp for him what the fuck. and i wanted to write even MORE but it was getting too long. leonard simps this one’s for you <3]

Danny’s Here // Mickey’s Here 

When you’re such a well-known, prolific criminal - especially in his specific line of work - it’s hard to really settle down into a domestic life. He wants to, he really does. But when the cops are constantly on your tail, moving around is simply a fact of life. And crime has always been a part of his life: it’s not something he can just drop and move on from. But he tries his best to make each place feel a little bit less like a safehouse and more like a home. And at the end of the day, home truly is with the people you love. Nothing can replace that. Although he does dream of defecting from Mama’s rule, taking the money for you guys and the rest of the crew and finding the dream life, it isn’t exactly feasible. He knows she’d catch onto his plan, likely before he even initiated it. But he can dream, right? Maybe someday he’ll save up enough of his earnings to find a little home for you two.

If you have a home top-side though… ecstatic doesn’t even begin to describe it. He’s not real obvious about it, of course, but you can tell that he’s happy to finally have a place that he can feel safe in. And better yet, it’s with you.

He’s a very good mechanic. Pretty good handyman in general, actually! You’ll never have to call the repair guy again. He almost never uses a measuring tape, but fortunately he’s damn good at eyeballing shit.

Gets kind of freaked out if you guys don’t have a garage? He’s a little paranoid about it, especially because he does NOT want his bike stolen. He’ll start pawning stuff he finds in the Hidden City to afford a garage if he has to, honestly. Fortunately, that ALSO means you guys can start piling stuff in there. Free hangout spot.

He spends at least an hour on his hair most mornings. He uses clay instead of gel, so it usually takes less time on the second day. He’ll still mess with it throughout the day, though. He’s got an image to keep up, babe!

Never wears his cloaking necklace in the house. You’re waiting for the day that the FBI or Scotland Yard or something fucking break into your house for hiding a demon.

In another life, he could have worked as a chef, no joke. He can make pretty much anything, honestly. He’s not one to follow recipes to the T, but that’s what makes his food so good. And his barbeque is the best!! If you guys are top-side, it’s really funny to look out the window and see him cooking because you never fucking recognize him. It’s weird seeing him in… not yokai form. If you’re not, though? Fuck yeah, brother. 

He hates soybeans so much, it’s unreal. Like, he’d rather die than eat them. He has no other reasoning than “they suck.” Sorry if you like tofu, but he’s not gonna touch that shit with a 30 foot pole.

His voice is very rumbly in the morning, it’s nice.

Local plant killer. He’ll find a way to kill a cactus without even trying. Very impressed if you have a green thumb, though.

He likes to order out a lot. If he finds something he likes he tends to stick with it, but he’s not opposed to trying new places. He’s not picky, but he does like to give you shit <3

He sucks at decorating. Like, he has no eye for it at all.

Always the first to put away the dishes! He’s very fast at it as well. 

He’s really good about making coffee at night, or when he wakes up in the morning. If you’re not awake yet, he’ll always make your drink of choice just before you wake up. He’s good about that sort of thing. Also, he likes to pretend that he drinks his coffee black, but he actually pours a fuck ton of maple syrup in it when nobody’s looking. In the same vein, he takes his tea black. If anything, he’ll add a bit of milk to it, but that’s rare. He likes spiced teas the most, but he’s not insanely picky. Hates chamomile, though.

There’s a lot of temporary shelters that you guys hide out in the Hidden City when you’re unable to leave, and the heat gets too hot to handle, with a few semi-permanent places. His favorite hideout is a little farm way out in the countryside. If he had to choose a place to live forever, that would be his dream home. The trees out that way grow tall, with deep green trunks that reflect cobalt blue light at night. The megafauna roams freely, creatures the size of skyscrapers soaring slowly through the air, or sending rumbles through the ground with their colossal hooves in the late afternoon. And yet, they always go around the home. Magically warded, perhaps? Or are they intelligent enough to avoid a dwelling? Neither of you are sure, but he knows that he’d love to live his life here, with you. Something about it just feels right.

King of bonfires. It happens at least once every two weeks. The flames dance high, changing colors every few seconds. Something about the wood makes the flames dance and change hue, unlike the wood from your own world. It’s nothing new to him, but it’s absolutely magical to you. You two will happily spend the night out there, watching the flames dance and the megafauna roam. Your laughter echoes through the land, and you truly feel at home in this little cabin.

Yes, the guys absolutely come over often if you aren’t hiding out with them. Come on, they’re family.

He’s pretty good at Mortal Kombat! Expect game nights every now and then. Also he absolutely lost his mind over the new Mortal Kombat movie. No cap, he’d fuck Liu Kang. He’s very excited for the next movie, but tbh he hates Johnny Cage. Okay I’ll stop talking about mortal kombat now i prommy

He’s not super big into gaming, but he’s happy to watch you if you are. Little bit of a backseat gamer, but just kiss him. It’ll either keep him quiet or prompt more quips,  but at least you get kisses.

He really wants a dog. He can’t exactly have one at the moment, but he’d really like one. He’s a fan of most kinds of dogs, but he’d like one that’s fairly strong. His ideal dog would be a Cane Corso!

Loves action movies and horror movies. Come on, have you seen his line of work?

Honestly, 10/10 husband. The life he leads isn’t one to lend itself to domesticity, but he’s never been one to take “no” for an answer. And he’s gonna do everything he can to make a life for the both of you, no matter what.

[annabethy]

under the mistletoe, watching the fire glow day 10: pen pal

Character A and Character B both sign up for a Christmas Pen Pal project to exchange post cards,, percabeth. not just letters I promise

01/04/2008

Hi! My name’s A, and I’m eight years old. Well, my name isn’t actually A, but I don’t know you yet so I can’t tell you my real name. I don’t know your name, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.

I don’t know why I’m doing this whole pen pal thing. I just thought it would be fun, but I don’t really know what to expect either. I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself.

My favorite color is grey, like my eyes. I like to read a lot too. I don’t have many friends, but that’s just because I don’t like talking to people. They start to talk, and it makes me feel like I want to hit them, so I prefer to just be by myself. I wouldn’t mind being your friend, though. I don’t have to hear you talk.

Hope I get your response soon! Goodbye until then!

Love, A.

,,

01/27/2008

Dear A,

I guess you can call me P then. I’m eight years old too, so that’s cool! We’re practically best friends already. I’m doing the pen pal thing because my teacher says I should practice writing. I’m not very good at writing, but I promiss prommis promise I’ll get better for you!

I like to swim. The water is cold where I live, but I still go in anyways. My mom says I’ll get hypothermia, but I do it anyways because it’s fun. I wonder if you like the water too? You’re crazy if you don’t, but it’s okay. I’ll be your friend anyways. I have one friend, but I don’t really like them very much. They’re mean to me a lot. You seem much nicer.

I’m so excited to get to talk to you!

From P :)

,,

05/07/2012

Hey, P! It’s been a couple of months since we spoke. I’ve missed my mystery-stranger-pen-pal-person. Hope you’re doing well.

Honestly, not much has happened with me. It’s the end of sixth grade, thank god. I actually hate all of my teachers. Especially the history one. She makes something that could be so interesting so dull, and it’s upsetting. There’s so much to tell about the past, and she’s ruining it. I’d consider saying something to her, but you know how it is.

I’ll just complain to you instead ;)

I remember you said you were applying to the swim team, and I think that’s so exciting! I know the try-outs passed, so let me know if you got in! (and if you didn’t, don’t worry about it. You don’t need to explain it to me if you don’t want to.)

Anyways, eagerly awaiting your response (but not that eagerly. It’ll be a couple of weeks, if not more.)

Love, A.

,,

05/20/2012

A! I’m insulted that you would think I didn’t make it onto the swim team. I am one with the fish. I am living my dream of swimming around the water like a turtle. It’s been pretty fun actually, except for when I ran into a wall and nearly bust my head open months ago. We don’t like to speak of that moment.

And yes, your history teacher is absolutely bizzare bizarre. I’m not the best with grades and spelling (clearly. I mean, look at my spelling of “bizarre”) but history is one of my better subjects, surprisingly. I think that it’s because the past is so important. My mom always likes to tell me that without the past, we wouldn’t learn for the future, so I try to pay attention to that class. I’m sorry you don’t like it :(

I really missed talking to you too. I don’t even know your name (cue frown), but I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. A person I can talk to when there’s no one else.

You’re my best friend (though I do love the term “mystery-stranger-pen-pal person).

Sincerely, P.

,,

10/7/2016

P! Get ready for my rant because I’m about to go off, and you’re going to listen.

People always say that you lose friends sophomore year. I didn’t think that was true. BOY, was I wrong. I’ve lost, like, twenty friends. I thought I’d be more upset about it, but honestly, I’m relieved. They always made me feel excluded, and without them, I’m not going home near tears every day.

I did meet a guy. His name is Luke, and he’s a junior. We’re not dating, but I wouldn’t mind it if we did. Not that I think it’ll ever happen because I’m too focused on school, but it would be nice to at least be friends. He’s really nice.

Also! The last letter was two months ago (?) and you said your school placed second in the state competition! Does that mean you’re going to nationals?

If you are, I am so proud of you. You seriously have to let me know how that goes.

Until next time.

Love, A.

,,

10/27/2016

A, my love!

As your best friend, I am obligated to say that you must not let the man be an obstacle to your schoolwork. I say this because I want you to do well. (Also because I’m in love with you)

Really though, I’m happy for you. I hope everything works out and you’re happy. That’s all that matters.

As for the sophomore thing, I felt that. I’ve never had all that many friends, but a lot of them changed. Change isn’t a bad thing I guess, but I wasn’t willing to stick around for them destroying themselves, so I didn’t. I’m always here if you need me.

(And I did place at states! Nationals was actually a few weeks ago! I didn’t place there, but I apparently got pretty close, which is awesome)

Love, P.

,,

04/03/2017

A! It’s been a while. I haven’t heard from you since October, and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Is that weird? I don’t know you but I’m checking in?

Oh well. I just really missed you. Not much has happened. Just wanted to say hi. Hope all is well.

Love, P.

,,

12/25/2017

A! Babes! Where are you? I’ve sent a few letters but haven’t gotten any responses. You’re kind of scaring me haha. Is it something I said?

I totally get if you don’t want to do this anymore, but just let me know please? I’m checking the mail every day and I keep getting more and more worried, so… Just let me know, please.

I miss you.

Love, P.

,,

06/01/2018

Dear A,

You never responded to any of my last letter. I get the feeling you’re not going to respond anymore, so I guess this is my last letter.

I graduated. Finally. It was a struggle, but I managed to bring my grades up. I even got accepted to a pretty good school. It’s not Ivy League, like I’m sure you got into. You’ve always been so smart.

I’m going to school in New York. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that in any of the 126 letters we’ve sent. I counted.

Anyways, I just really miss you. I hope you’re okay, and I really wish you the best.

My name’s Percy by the way.

Love, Percy.

,,

12/24/2023

Percy jumps as his girlfriend wraps her arms around his shoulder and nips at his ear. He turns and gives her a playful look.

“You want to take me to the ground?” he asks.

Annabeth rolls her eyes, sliding her hand into his. She feels really warm, even in the cold air outside of Rockefeller Center. “I’m not that heavy.”

“What if I told you you’re wrong?”

“You would get no more kisses for today.”

“Oh, we can’t have that.” Percy’s arms slide to wrap around her waist and tug her closer to his. She doesn’t resist, hugging him back. Percy nudges her jaw with his nose until she turns her face up so he can kiss her. “You’re not heavy at all. Super light, actually.”

She hums, kissing him again. “Good answer.”

Percy laughs, letting him detangle himself from her. His hand goes back to hers, and they begin walking around the plaza, taking in the beautiful decorations. It’s really pretty outside. He’s always had a thing for Christmas and its sparkling lights. He loves the smell of the pine trees and the feel of the light snowflakes against his face.

Annabeth swings her hands between them, and he thinks she looks so cute with her hair down in the cold and nose turned red that he can’t help but kiss her on the cheek.

Percy catches sight of a large sign at a random booth sitting along the edge of one of the buildings. It’s decorated horribly in the most adorable way — no doubt done by children. It’s what it reads that really makes him doubletake.

He just barely manages to make out the words, Christmas Pen Pal Exchange.

It makes his heart ache. He hasn’t heard from A since sophomore year of high school when he was sixteen. He’s twenty-three now. He can’t believe it’s this close to ten years since he heard from her.

He misses her so much. It’s not that he necessarily needed her because he has Annabeth, and he wouldn’t trade that for the world. He’s in love with Annabeth. He thinks he’s going to marry her someday.

A helped him get through difficult times. He wishes he could at least know that she was okay, or why she stopped talking to him. He doesn’t care why it happened anymore. He just wants to know, and to tell her things he was always too scared to say.

Annabeth bumps his shoulder as they pass the booth. “You okay?”

Percy swallows the small lump in his throat that formed. “I’m okay.”

“You sure? You look like you’re about to cry.”

A part of Percy doesn’t want to tell her. He wants to keep it to himself because he has for so long. What he and A had was different.

The other part, and the bigger part, does want to tell Annabeth. He loves her and wants her to know every piece of him. Annabeth is Percy’s best friend now, and there’s no reason for him to keep something like this for her.

“It’s just.” Percy pauses, looking over his shoulder at the booth. “I did one of those when I was young.”

He expects her to tease him, so he’s surprised when she says, “I did too.”

Percy looks at her. “You did?”

“Yeah. I was eight, I think.”

Percy breaks into a smile. “So you were that kid with no friends in elementary.”

“Okay, mister, you wrote them too.”

“That’s how I know you were a loser back then. I was too.”

“A match made in heaven,” she says, wrapping herself in his arms to block the wind that’s begun to blow harder. “Do you still talk to them?”

“Not anymore,” he admits. “We just stopped talking.”

“Aw. Why?”

Percy breathes deeply. “I’m honestly not sure. She just stopped talking to me.”

“What an ass,” Annabeth says.

“Right?” Percy laughs slightly. “I miss her, to be honest. Is that weird? I just used to talk to her all the time, and then — nothing.”

“It’s not weird at all,” she tells him, snuggling her face into the crook of his neck. “I miss mine too.”

“Why’d you stop talking?”

“I moved here. I lost their address, and I got a new one. It just didn’t work after that.” She smiles, thinking of a fond memory. “They used to call me their best friend. The only one I had.”

Percy turns his nose up. “Well now you have me, so forget that guy. No man dares hurt my baby.”

“If I ever meet them, promise to beat their ass.”

“I’ll do my best,” he promises.

“What was their name?” she asks. “Of your pen pal?”

“I never found out,” he says. “She didn’t tell me her name. Only that it started with an A, so I called myself P, and we just kind of went on like that.”

The atmosphere suddenly turns cold as Annabeth stiffens in his arms.

“What is it?” he asks.

“You called yourself P? And the other person was A?”

Percy thinks to confirm before saying, “Yes. Why?”

“Did this person also meet a guy named Luke?”

Percy pulls away slightly. “How did you know that?”

“And you told them about your love for history at one point?” Percy suddenly feels lightheaded. “Annabeth…”

Annabeth’s lower lip trembled, and when she speaks, it comes out cracked. “I’m A.”

It hits him like a train, and Percy suddenly can’t breathe. His mouth opens for air, but his lungs fail him. His mind races, he doesn’t know what to say, and he feels like he’s going to pass out, and… “Oh my god,” is all he manages.

“Percy.”

“You’re A.”

Tears are falling from her eyes, and he doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t feel anything at all at first. It’s a weight off his chest, and he’s finally able to take a wrangled breath as it settles inside him. He feels something dripping down his face and realizes it’s tears.

He feels like he should be mad, but he’s not. He can’t be mad at Annabeth because he loves her so much, and he knows what happened, and it’s not her fault, and it’s not his either, and he’s in love with her.

Percy tugs her close. He doesn’t kiss her because right now, this is him seeing A again. His face is in his neck, and he can hear her sobs, and he’s sure his are just as bad. He pulls away, and he lets himself kiss her this time.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers into the kiss. He can taste the tears falling, but he pays it no attention. “I missed you, and I love you so much.”

“I’m sorry,” is what she says.

“Don’t,” he says, pulling away sharply. His voice is wobbly. “This is not your fault.”

Annabeth whimpers. “It feels like it.”

“It doesn’t matter. We found each other, and that’s all that matters, okay?” He wipes the tears from her face gently and kisses her forehead. “We found each other.”

“A twisted way of fate.”

Percy lets out a wet laugh. “It is, but it’s okay.”

“I love you,” she whispers.

There’s so much he wants to say back, but he would never have enough time to say it. “I love you too, mystery-stranger-pen-pal-person,” he whispers. He stays like that, her wrapped in his arms, and he doesn’t know how much time passes like this.

He kisses her, but this time it is as more than her boyfriend.

They are P and A.

Percy and Annabeth.

They are best friends and lovers in one.

He’s going to marry her. His best friend.

Percy and Annabeth.

P and A.

[petes-5yr-cocoa]

ASXNXBSJWNAINXVAVKSM HI

Uh so for this to make sense you need to know some background hcs I have for Max:

He’s actually pretty smart, he just has adhd and never really had someone to encourage him to apply himself to schoolwork

His dad is neglectful at best and his mom hasn’t been around since he was a kid

because of that, he’s been cooking for himself since he was probably too young to have needed to and is p damn good at it (maybe it’s even a coping mechanism for stress?)

anyways uhhh

Idea 1: Culinary Scientist/Nutritionist

(also works for just like, being a chef but that’s not as fun i don’t think)

so i imagine max follows a specific diet for football and to maintain his physique, one that he figured out himself with online tutorials in freshman year and regularly updates

maybe his teammates are even like jealous of his homemade meals bc they’re always both healthy and delicious

so after he tears his acl and can’t play anymore he’s looking for a way to still contribute to the team and is just chatting with the guys about lunches one day

and he just offhandedly figures out what each of them is doing wrong in terms of nutrition bc he’s sneaky smart and ended up teaching himself a lot through the internet over the years

so over time he gradually figures out that he really enjoys preparing healthy foods for others and helping them

mellows out as his emotional outlet gradually shifts from bullying, which his heart isn’t really into anymore, to cooking, which actually makes him feel better and is something he can share with others

maybe even bonds with one of the nerds (Pete prob. idk why but it feels like he’d be the one that cooks between him and Ted) over cooking

Long-term, maybe he’d end up as a nutritionist for a professional sports team, but I like the idea that while exploring in college he really found it satisfying to work with younger children that had nutritional deficiencies or conditions; he could also be a culinologist, working as an r&d chef if you have him fall more in love with the scientific process and actual cooking of it than the science and biology in nutrition

Idea 2: Teacher

2.1: Elementary Teacher

Maybe after Max tears his acl, his coach invites him to be a coaching assistant for the elementary level team

Max is hesitant at first but he needs the distraction so he does it, and he falls in love with it (think Roy Kent with his niece’s team in s2 of Ted Lasso or Coach when he was the PE teacher in New Girl s4)

The kids love him and he loves working with the kids

esp if maybe he connects with a kid that’s been kinda standoffish all season and manages to get the kid out of a bad home because of that

this fuels a desire to work with kids and help them

alternatives could also include: Elementary PE teacher, social/case worker (duke keane taking him under his wing anyone?), child therapist, or school counselor (miss holiday taking him under her wing anyone?)

2.2: Junior High/High School Teacher

if, however, you want it to come full circle and really get some good character development, you could make him into a high school teacher

tbh with this one there’s a bit more emotional legwork to be done, but it’ll be worth it, prommy

so this one would probably start with some self reflection after Waylon Place, followed by him developing a good relationship with one of the nerds over time and ending the bullying (gradually or subtlety)

then comes the guilt, which leads to Max doing his best to try and make reparations by being the schools Resident Nerd Defender

he finds it really satisfying to be able to help others rather than hurt

using his secret smarts, he goes to school to be a science (see idea 1, also just seems like a fun chemistry teacher), social studies (seems like someone who’d be obsessed with the Roman Empire and/or WW2), or english (look at his vocabulary, he’s so secret smart in words) teacher

the important thing is that he becomes a high school teacher not to reclaim the power he once had, but to prevent kids from becoming like him by reaching out and connecting with them (might be esp interesting to have him take his spouse’s last name in this case so that students don’t really realize that he is That Jägerman unless he tells them)

i also think it’d be really cute if mayb tom houston was a mentor/father figure to him in this situation but mayhaps that’s just me

also it just gave me the cute idea of a michie au where they’re “rival” teachers (i feel like richie would def be math or film lit) that have this weird tension and all their students wonder when they’ll get together but they’ve secretly have been dating or married the entire time (if married, maybe they hyphenate but just use one last name at work bc they’re in the same school system)

idk that’s all i’ve got for now but maybe i’ll add more later

i need to write so much michie forever . fic ideas go (npac is still continuing i just . need to write more)

[ask-octoberotto]

Uh-oh bestie! I think your little crushie-crush has been having an ✨~existential crisis~✨! He’s been all weirded out after figuring out a bit of how your world works and now he’s super duper sad about it ☹️

Maaaaaaaybe you could do something to try and cheer him up? Oh! Or maybe I can stop by and do it! I prommy not to drop anything else brain-busting on him (not everyone can see how to bend the rules and deal with it like us, bestie 😉), and I’ve really been curious to see for myself just how icky all those rules you’ve got jammed up in your world really are.

~💖✨🦄🌸💫

I believe we’ve met, haven’t we? It’s quite good to hear from you again, my friend. 

Yes… I have noticed. It pains me to see Dr. October suffer in this way. In many ways, I understand how he feels—I felt that exact paranoia and terror when I was first understanding the truth. Even with support from friends outside this dimension, I’m sure this will continue to trouble him unless I help him somehow.

I would love to visit him personally, really… however, the last few times I had, it ended with reality collapsing on itself and October being booted to a previous save file. I am.. not willing to visit him until I find a way to prevent that from occurring. I am planning to leave gifts for him at the very least.

As for you visiting him… I’m actually curious about that myself. Most people outside this dimension (the very few who do) don’t usually stay for long. And I wouldn’t mind hearing what you have to say about the rules of this dimension. Perhaps it can help in the long run.. hm. If you’d like to, I wouldn’t mind.

Just be bit careful—while I’m certain you can handle yourself just fine considering how long you’ve been around, our dimension isn’t actually… the friendliest. Or the nicest to exist in general. And since October spends a lot of time at work at one of the North American branch facilities the BSAA owns, I’m sure it’ll be patrolled by armed guards. But considering you probably have dealt with such things, I do think you can handle such an environment.

In any case, it’s a pleasure to speak with you again.

[moonraccoon-exe]

HC: Post Game. Prompto was the visual recordist of the part they played in Eos' history, but the small intimate moments that they shared together, tent conversations, funny things that happened during card games, banter and conversations that were had, are still buzzing in Gladio's memory. Gladio asks Ignis and Prompto if he could write their tale. As he is writting, he realizes that he had been repressing a lot of emotions about the their journey. He reaches chapter ten, and hits a roadblock

This right here. 

You know you’ve always had some of my favorite stories and HCs for this universe, right? This is no exception. You always have things so full and complete in so few words, such a big and complete idea, I could barely add anything to make it better. 

So I’m just going to share my thoughts and let the rest of the world enjoy of this damn story because the gods damn, I’m in love with it.

First off all, UNGH. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS. SO BAD. SO HARD. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, WOMBAT FRIEND. I don’t think you understand how good your ideas are, seriously, I never have words enough to describe all the things they make me feel and think and gods lords dammit ;A;

I really liked the train of thoughts of how Prommy was the visual recordist but it doesn’t speak about everything. Because a photograph can speak a million things, but there are millions of things they miss to say as well. They speak mostly to those who know the context, or they speak emotions, but not the full facts. How many times have we looked at a photograph and felt things, but had no idea what the context was? And how many times have we read the story behind the photo, and made the impact of it a million times greater?

I loved that (you and) Gladio realizes this and decides to write the journey down. Who could be better to write the book of the official story of The King of Light, his companions and their journey, but one of those companions himself? And, on the personal side, the guy that’s most into literature from them.

I believe Gladio must have a very exquisite writing. He’s always reading, and reading usually builds great writers. Plus, he’s very mature, and he looks very wise. Now I’m frustrated because I wish I could read something Gladio wrote, and it’ll never happen, hahaha, gods dammit. But yes, I delieve his writing must be absolutely exquisite and deligthful.

I love the little “detail” of Gladio asking Prompto and Ignis if it’s okay to write it. I’m hopelessly in love with permission being asked (about anything that could require of it), so this hits soft spots that make me happy. The fact that Gladio is completely conscious and aware of how deeply and profoundly intimate all of the journey was to them, and wants to ask permission first. He doesn’t want to open his friends’ intimacy if they don’t agree to it first. That’s wonderful and super loving and respectful. So Gladio like.

I adore, adore, adore, adore the concept of Gladio realizing how many things he had been repressing while he’s writting. It’s so...real. The fact that you sometimes don’t notice you’re repressing something until you’re talking about it or, more usual, writing it, painting it, expressing it. Gladio must have carried on thinking he already cried what needed to be cried, but there he is, discovering that what he had let out was only the tip of the iceberg and there’s a huge, huge, huge way to go and a huge ice block still there.

Realizing as he’s writing, gods damn. I don’t know if I can express it, I just know I’m in love with that idea and this story hnnfdngdhg. 

When he hits chapter 10 and hits roadblock, is it chapter 10 on purpose or was it a coincidence, Wombat friend? Because chapter 10 in the game is the moment things go down, right post-Altissia, fresh fresh. Is Gladio going according to the game as in are the chapters he writes as we see them in game? :)

I love that Gladio stops, too. I always love how you treat the character’s psyche, Wombat friend. I love that Gladio stops because it talks about a very human thing; this is harming me, I’m scared it will harm me more, so I stop because I’m frightened. And it’s not being coward, that’s so, so, so normal, so human, and so okay. It happens in the game, Noctis unable to put the ring, for example. It’s so human to realize something is hurting you and that it will hurt you even more, so you stop and go away, even though the “correct” thing is to carry one. But you just can’t help it because you’re human and you’re scared and that’s fine.

And Ignis calling him out on his mood, just for Gladio to admit what’s wrong. It kind of feels like they had a quarrel before they got there, and that too is very human; I will always defend that Gladio’s rage in the train scene was born from sadness and stress, just like this very same scenario; Gladio is going under the pressure of sadness, the fear of getting into more harm, and the stress of the fear itself, plus all this repressing of both what he hasn’t let out from the journey and the repressing of what he hasn’t let out about writing this book. 

So he just snaps at Ignis as soon as Ignis calls him out on his behavior. It’s only natural; Ignis calls him out because he’s concerned because something is clearly wrong with Gladio; this gives Gladio a psychological excuse to vent out what he has inside, so he answers by yelling something back or being rude; this leads Ignis to answer the same, and there’s a small quarrel before Gladio simply admits it.

“I don’t want to continue because it’s hurting me, okay?”

And there’s silence. Gladio drops himself on the sofa, sat, the palms to the eyes and elbows to the knees, and sighing. He finally admitted it, and of course it drains him. Ignis, understanding,so dearly understanding Ignis, still encourages him to continue. He knows that it harms him, but he also knows that it’s necessary; of course pulling out the dagers in his heart will be painful, but he can’t simply leave them inside forever. It’ll only cause worse harm.

So Gladio continues, and writes and continues until he finally breaks down. Which is absolutely fine; it means he pulled one of the bigger daggers in his heart out, and of course there will be bleeding from the wound. Of course; it’s only natural. Healing one’s heart is not always peaceful and calm, sometimes it has to be like this, sometimes it has to bleed so you can proceed to clean the wound, and then let it close. 

That Gladio’s first reaction is to think himself pathetic, that’s so human, too. Especially for someone like him; I think he must be so used to be the main column for everyone else, always being the one to protect others both physically and emotionally, that he tends to forget that he has to be soft sometimes, and that crying is necessary. He must be so used to need to stay “strong” and unmovable all the time, the entire time, that he must feel terrible when he, for once, lets himself rest and be soft emotionally speaking.

Even during the journey he’s forced to overlook his own problems to stay as the column of the group, after Noctis lost everything and everyone, Prompto ended up traumatized, and Ignis handicapped. Gladio must have forced himself to “stay strong” and so firm, that he must have gotten used to do that for the rest of his life. Life asked him to be unmovable and never rest, that when he finally shatters down he feels it’s wrong and “pathetic”.

And then we have out super understanding, super empathetic Ignis, there for him, always there for him.

I’m in love with the fact that Ignis is not telling him to not cry and that he’s strong and stuff. Because he knows that the last thing that Gladio needs to be reminded of is the word “strong”, because it will trigger him into “I have to stop and be that wall that everyone expects me to be”. Nope; Ignis just sits there, hugging him, and letting Gladio know he’s there, that he’s not alone. And honestly that’s all that he needs; no comforting words or advice or pampering. Just an anchor. Just someone. Just Ignis there, not letting him fall in loneliness, allowing him to feel and cry, and sitting with him there for it to happen.

Gods. My feelings. They’re aching. :(

I love how understanding Ignis is, and all of Gladio realizing he’s still not fully clean from the emotions of the journey. Of course he isn’t. 

Ohno I’m tearing up sTOP

*sigh* Another wonderful story, Wombat friend. I’ve had this with me for so long, but it’s time others read it too and get the feels like I’m getting them. This is  short, but holds such a complete story, psyche, and it’s just so real and hnfndgngh. I love this idea, and I love how you describe it. 

Never fails to make me emotional, Wombat friend, and to leave me feeling my words aren’t enough to make this justice. 3 :’)

THANK YOU!!!!!!

[thescarletlibrarian]

2017 Miss Universe:  All the Weird of Hieronymus Bosch, but Fabulous and Feathery

If I can I’ll get back to the SAG awards, but Miss Universe national costume takes precedence over everything, including work.  Especially work.  I wait all year for this shitshow, and from last year’s...creations, you can see why.  Because I’ve always wanted to know what Hieronymus Bosch would have produced given the chance on Project Runway.

Angola came as a techno angel ice-queen, and its Miss is desperately trying to see past that headdress sliding down her face.  Should have included goggles.  Just completely cyber-ice-punked this whole thing out.

Joined by Brazil, the cyber-punk Black Parrot.  If someone had asked me to draw a picture of a “sparkly parrot dominatrix,” this is not what I would have come up with, but it’ll do.

Miss Bulgaria will be dropping the cans and pompoms and heading over to work at the Black Parrot dungeon later this evening. 

Malaysia brought the goggles.  Good lord.  

Aruba is torn between delight that she is allowed to wear flats for the first time in years, and vague concern that someone will kick the AC on too high and she’ll achieve lift-off.  

Australia, like Canada, the US, and a few other late-to-the-nation-thing-party players, usually ends up weird.  This year they opted to not even try (although I’m sure she’s supposed to represent the coral reefs and surf; whatever, this is a not-even-trying of a “national costume,” and that’s just fine).  In ever lineup there is a feather duster, and tonight that feather duster is Australia.  She has truly rolled the worst possible duster, though, because this is a buttcape feather duster, and that’s just wrong.  Also those sparkly tights look itchy.  But I’m allergic to pantyhose, so most tights look itchy.

Canada came in jammies.  That giant snowflake is a small price to pay for being able to wear jammies to this thing.

Czech Republic, also in nightwear, or loungewear.  Comfywear.  Is that a thing?  Now it’s a thing.  Central Europe always has a tricky decision, because their standard “folk” costumes are lovely, but their misses end up more “adorable” than “gorgeous” in them, so they try to come up with something sexy and it usually ends up either weird (like sexy schoolgirl meets blonde farm girl, braids and all) or kind of lame.

Are those gray flamingoes?  Are there GRAY, SPARKLY FLAMINGOES on Miss Bahamas?  Somebody feed those poor critters the pink shrimpy shit, they look like zombie flamingoes.  

Every year multiple birds converge upon the Miss Universe pageant.  I demand a faceoff between the Bahamian flamingoes and this Belizean parrot immediately.

I’m not sure what designer managed to put eyes allllllmost on Bolivia’s tatas, or what the hell is going on with this in general.  Neither is she.  She’s just manning that giant fan thing, and can I say kudos to her for doing so, because that takes a lot of work.

Are Chile’s dragons fighting or mating back there?  I can’t tell, and that worries me.  Also her, by her face.

China has pandas on her dress.  For god’s sake, China.  For a second I thought “hey, it was right around New Year’s, why not go with something about that,” and then I remembered it’s the year of the cock and they very wisely avoided the hell out of that.  

Miss Denmark is a Pretty, Pretty Princess, damn you all.

Miss Dominican Republic is cussing out all those stupid Disney princesses who had birds flittering around them all the time with no effort at all, while she has to hold her arms out with these damn mannequin things the whole time without looking weird.  

France looked to Moulin Rouge and associated cabarets for inspiration.  Supposedly.  I’m seeing some weird harem fantasies here, personally.

Germany knows.  Trust me, she knows.  And neatly carries off the Miss Most Desperate Hostage Eyes title of the evening.

“Look, the book opens up to a fairytale forest!”  Please, please, somebody help me.

OH, MY GOD, SWEDEN, YOUR MISS IS CARRYING A CUTOUT HORSE AS BIG AS SHE IS, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL.

Myanmar also knows, in a demonstration of how the contestants are at the mercy of their design teams that I hope was intentionally ironic.

Guatemala has a warrior goddess thing going on here that I’m actually kind of okay with. 

Portugal is also auditioning for a job as one of Victoria Secret’s angels.  

Nicaragua, however, wins the feathers prize for “damn, commitment.”

I love Venezuela here, because she looks like a queen dispensing justice.  “Look, I’d love to grant you mercy, but ehhhhhhh...you’re an ass, so no.”

This is not the first time the US has come as America Thorsdottir, the bizarre lovechild of Thor and Captain America, but I hold out hope that it will be the last.  

Russia.  WHERE IS MY FIREBIRD.  Give me my firebird or give me boyarinas in kokoshniky.  Do not give me whatever the hell this is.

Poland, this is not what I meant by kokoshniky, or whatever the equivalent is in Polish.  Hot glueing plastic rhinestones to fabric-over-cardstock is not okay.  Nor is this half-assed cutesy folk embroidery attempt, that oh-so-carefully avoids being a full buttcape.  None of this is okay.

Um, Israel, I get your Garden of Eden thing here, although I’ve always seen it argued to be in Mesopotamia, not the Levant, but whatever...still, is the wholse snake-apple thing really the Eden takeaway you want?  And couldn’t you get a better fake snake?  That maybe isn’t a South American python?

Italy is a lower-class girl working her way up through courtesan ranks.  I can tell, because she’s got the messy hair.  If she’d been born wealthy, her hair would have been down, or braided all to hell with sparkly nets, or carefully pinned with some loose wisps, but messy hair means poor in costume dramas.  

I actually love Kazakhstan, who has a recognizable glamification of actual traditional costume going on.  Also she looks like she’s choosing someone from the audience for a ritual sacrifice and I’m all about that.

Kenya got through this with her dignity INTACT, and she knows it.  Well done, Kenya.

The Netherlands have never managed to get their Miss through with any amount of dignity, and this year is no exception.  Buttcape, windmill, and all.  

Nigeria, with dignity, glamor, and comfy bare feet.  She knows.  Oh, she knows. 

Come on, Mexico.  I love the vaquero look as a thing, but you can do it better than this.

Norway.  Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.  (Also seriously, if you were going to do Frozen, at least do Anna’s adorable little actually-traditional-ish costume.  Come on.)

Unless Romania is going for pseudo-Victorian hooker, I genuinely have no idea what is going on here.  Also I think that is a peplum on a cupped corset, and I will never unsee that.

Every year, the Slovak Republic turns out a prommy dress mimicking their famous to fiber nerds lace.  Without fail.  It is always layered, and always blue.  They have picked their schtick and they year they deviate from it the world as we know it will end.

Are those...soda bottles?  Like, polka dot soda bottles?  And then that giant trash bustle desperately clinging to poor Tanzania’s ass?  I’m so sorry, Miss Tanzania.  I’m so sorry.

Turkey recycled the structure and idea from last year to remind you THEY HAVE HISTORICAL ARTIFACTS THAT ARE IN DANGER, EVERYBODY.