#it’d be funnier if u knew what they sounded like

[autistic-katara]

“MILES man!!! are you actual mad fam?! you wanna go bruv? yeah i’ll sick mah pals on you after school, you wanna go fam? let’s go right now”

Hobie Brown's Slang

Okay, here is a bit of criticism and advise for how to write Hobie Brown's (from Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse) speech patterns.

When I read fics on Hobie Brown, the slang that he uses is not AT ALL the type of slang he uses in the movie. Fics like to use stereotypical British slang like 'wanker' or 'gheezer' and while it is sometimes said, it's not used often by youth in the UK nowadays.

Instead, the type of slang he uses is called 'Road' slang or 'Roadman' slang. I believe it's a mixture of Jamaican and British terms (please do correct me if I'm wrong, I may be British myself but I don't know everything).

For example, in the movie, Hobie says 'man like Miles, my guy!' after Miles goes against the Canon event. He's basically hyping Miles up - the term 'man like' is often followed up by a name to (as said before) hype that person up and praise them, in a way.

Another example of him using road slang is when he calls Miles a 'youngen' - it's quite obvious what he means by it, he's basically calling him a kid. This term is usually used by people who are quite a bit older than the recipient. In fact, it was his use of this term that solidified my theory of him being quite a few years older than Miles and thus, of him not being as much of a potential love interest for Gwen as an older brother figure for her.

Now, how do you write road slang? By learning it through watching people who use it often and understanding the context.

Some real people you can watch and learn the speech patterns of Hobie Brown through include:

KSI (the youtuber)

Mo Gilligan (the comedian)

Babatunde Aléshé (also a comedian)

And a series on Netflix that I highly recommend you watch in order to really understand the way he talks (though the above examples are good ways too) is the series 'Top Boy'. Though, a fair warning that it's quite the violent series due to it being about UK gangs.

Please keep in mind that this post is NOT AT ALL made to attack writers or put them down for the way they write Hobie, it is only here to inform and teach you how to write his speech patterns properly because he 100% deserves the accurate representation.

Hobie Brown is an amazing character that made me so happy to see on screen because he actually seems like a guy I would know and be friends with in real life rather than a stereotypical depiction of a British person that you see often in media nowadays. I feel the same way about Pavitr and the way the movie didn't stereotypically depict South Asians.

To see both my ethnicity and nationality being accurately depicted in western media is just an amazing feeling that I wish to convey to you all.

Love, a very happy spiderman fan.

(Update: I now have a post where I write Hobie's speech patterns myself so you can also use that as an example if you wish. But again, the examples listed above are much better to learn from since my one post can only teach you so much.)

[fairytheo]

enhypen as your boyfriend.

boyfriend!enhypen x gen!reader. fluff. 1.9k. curse words. mention of bugs, food. not requested.

🐈 ⸝⸝ HEESEUNG ˙𐃷˙

super-duper caring !!

he’s so whipped for you — he smiles just by thinking about you

also very giggly around you

LOVES lending you his beanies

(aka. you stealing them..)

+ you steal his earrings as well ! not that he minds

absolutely adores singing for you / he loves singing you to sleep :D

hold up, is being heeseung’s s/o just being his personal ramen cook 🤨🤨

he aaalwaays bugs you to play games with him (especially wii and nintendo switch lmao)

either that or you’re playing animal crossing while eating takeout at your dinner table

you’re the only person in the world who he’ll ever do aegyo for. 

he secretly enjoys it, but shhh you didn’t hear that from me

i think he likes calling you names like cutie, cutiepie or just a shorter version of your name <3 (if there is one !)

booping your nose is on his everyday to do list ☝️

lowkey therapist & boyfriend in one ngl

WAIT he loves making playlists for you two,, 

“y/n! i made another playlist, do you wanna listen to it? i made it while thinking of you.” <//3 

the type to write cheesy lyrics about you, then later cringes at his own writing bUT then leaves it like that because you like it !

you have his cover of lauv’s “i’m so tired” either set as your alarm or play it on loop everyday 

(random but for some reason i can picture him giving you a cassette with his cover on it just for the vintage vibes)

🐈 ⸝⸝ JAY ˙𐃷˙

the mom-and-boyfriend in one ;] 

f a s h i o n  c o u p l e 

you are literally fashion icons. no disagreements. 

you have matching clothes or accessories ! even if it’s really subtle, the gesture behind it is super adorable <//3

cooking pt. 2 :D but this time there’s a gorden ramsay in your relationship

i can just SEE how you both two impersonate gorden ramsay while cooking which makes everything 10 times funnier !! checks every 5 seconds if the food is ready tho because he doesn’t wanna risk anything

never cleans up afterwards, either you do or no one does

since you’re both fashion icons your social media followers are going 📈📈📈

literally couple goals.

he loves taking pictures of you,, but also wants you to take pictures of him 

jay gets flustered easily so please make him flustered with sudden compliments, hugs, kisses, etc. !!

he’s also the only member i can really see calling you babe

confident but shy about pda at the same time ??? he’s both LOL 

you always tease him with his RAS moments and randomly quote them when you’re in the middle of a conversation with him lmao

random and idk if this fits here, but he likes making your lunch — leaves you encouraging notes too <3

last but not least: jokingly gets angry at you when he wants something from you, and you do the same thing back ♡

🐈 ⸝⸝ JAKE ˙𐃷˙

sweetest and softest boyfriend to ever exist. i’m so soft for him JSHSHS

definitely calls you sweetie and darling. 100%. fight me if you think otherwise. 

shows you pics of layla everyday (it’s become routine for him >_<)

a tiny bit cliché BUT lends you his jacket whenever you’re cold (even when you’re inside !!)

random thought: jake puts his hands in your hoodie pockets...

💔💔💔

it’s his personal goal to peck your cheek and forehead at least twice a day — gets pouty if he wasn’t able to do that ))):::

talks in english a lot because you love his accent !!

if you’re an english speaker, you’ll have conversations in english all. the. time.

if you’re not an english speaker, no worries, he’ll teach you !

+ reads you bedtime stories in english (jake’s australian accent >>>) 

dreams of travelling with you to australia <33  

if there’s a bug in the house you better know that jake will NOT be removing them and runs out of the house

WILL stay over at one of the other member’s houses untill that bug is REMOVED . 

so if you’re afraid of bugs as well,,, i’m sorry bae, but it’ll be your task to remove these little... creatures 😐

ngl you have more photos of layla than of him on your phone lol

(spams you with her pictures and captions them with “y/n!!! look!!! layla with a flower!!!! layla with a butterfly!!!!” it’s just so sweet aaa)

we need some “””drama””” so you make jokes about him being a “🥶💸🔥💪” boy a lot in your relationship LMAO

🐈 ⸝⸝ SUNGHOON ˙𐃷˙

ice skating dates.

this has been mentioned in other headcanons a lot already but i just HAD to include it,,

convinces you to eat ice cream after your date LOL even if it IS winter

btw. fashion couple nr. 2 !!! 

MIRROR SELCAS

MIRROR SELCAS 

ugh the visuals and the power you two hold,,,, i can’t,,,,,

has better clothes than you ngl so you share clothes lmao

it started with him lending you his sweatpants, but then you didn’t want to return them forgot to return them and BOOM 💥 here we are

extremely awkward and shy at first — don’t worry though, he becomes much more chaotic in the later phases of your relationship

he teases you SO MUCH. LIKE. SO MUCH.

always has small smile (smirk?) on his face when he’s about to make a cocky remark (so beware)

you tease him back just twice as hard which 1.) results in him in becoming flustered 2.) fails LOL

off-topic but he’d love a s/o that has a similar style to him ??? a more elegant, classy, dark style perhaps

when he’s away / busy he’ll send you some selcas and captions them with “how r u doing??” “did you eat yet?” “cheer up :P” 

kinda shy about pda but likes showing off too ???

i mean,, men... 🙄🙄 /lh

whenever someone mentions your name near him, he’ll just try to hide his smile while biting his lip (yk what i’m talking about???) and you’ll see his dimples and the affectionate look in his eyes and just AAAAA

the type of boyfriend that calls you love~

🐈 ⸝⸝ SUNOO ˙𐃷˙

skin care routines with sunoo 24/7 🤝

he does your hair (if your hair is long enough to do different hairstyles with it ofc !!) 

send you daily weekly skin care products he thinks you two should try out / that’d be good for your skin <3

spa nights every friday at 9pm — he only lets you in if you wear a stylish pyjama LOL

you buy him peach items because they just remind you so much of him (｡•́︿•̀｡)

SELCA TIME !!! his phone is always ready !!! (apart from his storage maybe?)

PARTICIPATES IN SELCA DAYS OF YOUR FAVOURITE IDOLS AAA

loves to go on walks w u

does A LOT of aegyo,, 

and i know that you knew that this point will be in this headcanon.

for eg. instead of saying goodnight or bye he’ll just do aegyo for you not that anyone minds tbh

stages of sunoo flirting (?):

a — tries to compliment you (it sounds more like a flirty remark tbh)

b — realizes then blushes

c — cringes and runs away LMAO

playfully acts jealous, so you know it’s a joke but deep down he’s actually jealous

you two match each others vibes a lot — if one is sad, the other is sad as well

+ tells you your posture is bad when you sit like a banana or tells you to go to sleep early and when you don’t listen to him, he’ll show you an article that proves that (abc) and (xyz) is bad for you and says “i told you so.” 💀

🐈 ⸝⸝ JUNGWON ˙𐃷˙

impresses you by doing kicks (does the kick cap challenge on tiktok and/or you play kick it by nct 127 for the funzies) 

poking his dimple is a MUST . 😩😩

though gets super shy when you kiss him and also if you buy him gifts !!

cheers you up whenever you feel down or are upset

compliments you a ton ))): will randomly come up to you and tell you that your fit is cute or that you look brighter today,,, little does he know it's because of him ;]

HUGS!HUGS!HUGS

poking his dimple comes first, then hugging

the other members tease you two everytime you’re over LOL it’s like there are two koalas clinging onto each other

our yang garden gained another sheep +1

you two randomly play sheep,,,, like,,, everyday ???? sheep cosplays 👍

idk why ig it’s just fun to imitate sheep and go “mmmeEeEeeEhh” to annoy others

talking of that, even THOUGH he is a responsible leader he will not hesitate to do stupid shit with you

“hey how about we ring on that house there and yell “sheep for sale!” do you think they’ll open the door?”

“i don’t know... let’s find out!” 🤝

let’s just say that this didn’t end well..

also kinda bullies you (in a loving way ofc !!) pand teases you nonstop

either calls you asshole or love aHA

in conclusion: a very unpredictable relationship,, would 10/10 recommend.

very random but i feel like his love language is acts of service

🐈 ⸝⸝ NI-KI ˙𐃷˙

oh look it’s our tsundere 😼

can’t go a day without dancing so you two have vibing sessions at 2am everyday ft. the others telling you to go to bed

you’re the only one that can make him soft lol

if you’re older than him, you would definitely take care of him like your own baby !! 

if you are the same age as him or younger it’d be awkward for him at first, because he isn’t used to taking care of someone younger, so he’d treat you as if you were his best friend at the beginning

you love to watch him dance !! it’s so satisfying,, LITERAL asmr.

pranks you 24/7. boy has NO mercy. will not care if the others will scold him later. he will do the prank smoothly (?) — doesn’t care about the consequences LMAO

probably sets your alarm to someone screaming or a cringy aegyo song <//3

wants to film dance covers with you !! you don’t have to be the best dancer either !! as long as you have fun ^__^ 

the other members find you really cute but are also vERY TIRED OF YOU,, two energized teens in a relationship was not a good idea ☝️

likes to randomly hold your hand and swing it around 

probably distant at the beginning of the relationship because a.) he doesn’t want to pressure you/make things awkward b.) he doesn’t really know what to do either ???

(if you’re not japanese or don’t know how to speak japanese) he’ll definitely teach you some japanese phrases and words !! introduce you to his culture as well :DD and he really wants to know more about your culture too <3

teaches you phrases like “sunoo is a dumbass” for the funzies LOL

randomly makes micheal jackson impressions,,, it’s hilarious LMFAO

[yozzers]

vexos hcs and random notes

ill update as i go, because yes i do update my masterlists every once in awhile, i should probably add them to my pinned... 

General

I sincerely hope they have a small living arrangement so I can inflict them with the pain of having to share almost everything with each other

I just want Shadow and Lync to share a bunk

Like to think that alongside Volt, Mylene and Lync were also recruited by Hydron

None of them officially joined until they were a bit older but probably trained to eventually join the Vexos; in the mean time they probably worked for Hydron or something like that

Volt recruited at 11; Lync a year later and Mylene following not long after (respectively 13, 8, 12 when they’re all gathered)

My reasoning to why Volt is patient with Lync’s antics and Mylene less so but doesn’t lash out as badly as you think she would around annoying little kids; grew up tgt moment

Spectra probably forced his way into the Vexos like “hiiii i see you dont have any Vexos members <3″ bcs obv he wasn’t using royal scientist dad privelages (i think, bcs Clay seems horrified abt Spectra being a Vexos and well, being Spectra) 

Shadow had an advantage of being a nobleman (in terms of him being accepted into the Vexos’ ranks)

the Vexos and their set of rules magent-ed on the fridge door or something and every time they go over a page they have to staple/tape a new page on

Joined in this order, Volt, Spectra, Shadow, Mylene, Lync, Gus 

Vexos being a “chance of death low but the chance is still there” type of job... they feel like idols girl help they are bakugan idol group who work for the government 

sorry the way the vestal kids talk about them... going to treat the Vexos like a kpop group now

Spectra Phantom / Keith Fermin 

[canon] son of a (royal?) scientist. definitely had it good and comfy

think it’d be REALLY funny if he already knew Shadow before he became Spectra, Shadow just doesn’t recognize him bcs of his stupid get up

throws childhood friends Shadow Spectra at you, just two weirdos 

Keith specifically keeps Shadow from ever meeting his sister which is why neither of them really recognize each other

Pre-Spectra; probably would’ve been really into bakugan biology and what not. Feels like the kind of person to talk w/ his dad about “do you think we could change their appearance if we messed w/ their mechanical ball form or would it not carry over to their released forms”

this mf looks like a biology major i feel it in my guts 

mom isn’t dead she just divorced Clay bcs he didn’t know how to balance family and work, good for her

probably lives in another city now, and it’s a bit more of a hassle to meet with her kids so they don’t see her as much but she is present in their lives (keep in contact in other ways) 

probably went a bit silent when Keith went missing

didn’t bleach his eyebrows bcs he didn’t want to harm the skin around there and he never thought he’d take the mask off around others, or about how stupid he’d look without the mask

please please please please draw him with his pink hair roots in his MS fit he should've grown out some of his bleached hair by then

daddy issues is truly the root of evil

Gus Grav

Just Some Gut background; middle class just living life

[canon?] was going on a route to being an “idol brawler”, because that’s kind of what their brawls felt like, since it was all purely for show with some competition. it felt less like a sport and more spectacle.

Gus wanting to be an idol brawler is actually such a funny string of words put together I’m making that a thing, if he didn’t join the Vexos he would’ve been an idol brawler

I like the Gus needs glasses hc (shoutout to @marmeladebois ‘s post on that) 

The hc of him being half human and Runo’s half brother is so good 

Cooks well but refuses to help cook fr the Vexos (unless Spectra specifically asks) --> that job is usually left to Volt

not related but reminds me heavily of yugioh vrain’s Spectre (or other way around... Gus was the blueprint) 

Shadow Prove

[handbook canon] a vestal nobleman 

has an older brother (oc; Lux- casual Haos brawler)

inferiority complex or whatever, the only thing he bested his brother in was Bakugan

the Prove family being typical prim proper noble family and forcing Shadow to be repressed is something, but the Proves having the same kind of wavelength as Shadow but in different variations is funnier. They’re just Like That.

Probably not a military family, does work closely with the government still; um im thinking somewhere under the Fermins but not by much

Considered running away from home several times 

Unwillingly has knowledge on Vestal classic literature/ music

hard clutching a wall whenever he wants to join in on discussions about it bcs he knows this stuff but no way is he going to make himself look like a nerd + hes not actually that interested

*debates you for fun and bcs i hate u <3* 

You know how he doesn’t take his job as a Vexos member super seriously, I wonder:

did his parents force him to be a Vexos since he wasn’t interested in the political side of his family and probably against taking up anything related to it, so they had him do something that’d still be beneficial to the family?  

joined to pursue a freedom he didn’t have as a nobleman and is now just taking it really easy?

has clowns > jesters debate with volt; obv he’s team clown, volt is team jester

incredibly irrelevant but if he was a human he’d be chinese, i’ve claimed him, prodigal son older brother and fail son dynamic is there 

Mylene Ferrow

While I like the idea of her being from a military family, I want to make her like Ling Wen (TGCF) in the sense she started from the bottom and climbed to the top... it fits her ambitious nature of grasping for more, she hasn’t reached what she considers the top just yet... 

[very Ling Wen specific but Mylene being put in jail fr crimes unknown to me and being recruited  by Hydron bcs she kicked serious ass is an entertaining thought] 

I like to think she’s closest to Shadow due to the fact he kind of forces his presence onto her so... not her choice in that matter. “annoying” to “endearingly annoying, you still aren’t getting special treatment though”

Ofc Volt and Lync are on the same level, but I think they all know when to give each other space so they’re more of a “we hold each other at a distance, but we’re aware of out closeness which is enough for us”

Then its Spectra and then Gus in the “closest to Mylene” scale; she just straight up hates Gus and it’s mutual

whoever made the “Mylene and Spectra were exes” hc I think it’s really funny so I’m adding it here 

terrible fashion, she’s the one who chose the outfits when she and Shadow went to earth; her fashionable armor look she usually has was designed with Volt’s help, she just voiced what she generally wanted 

Her red lipstick look was bcs she thought it’d make her look more serious/ intimidating (Volt and Lync approved, it rlly does work on her)

Shadow matches w/ her (via his red nails) after they get teamed up tgt several times bcs he thinks they’re basically the go-to duo matchup whenever they’re assigned work n it’d be cool

Very forthcoming about the fact she used to be considered a criminal and was from same rundown area Volt and Lync come from

She’s grateful she got out of jail but she still has no respect for Hydron and despite how much she tries to hide it she does make it pretty clear to him she doesn’t really like him

I wish I had more to say about her... but It’s all relationship esque, i think in general she’s enjoyable and good so what I want more out of her is character dynamics

Lync Volan

[eng dub] he has grandparents; whether they’re still alive or not is...? 

was part of the same area Volt is from

probably aware of each other but didn’t really know each other

you sound like you have mommy issues 

came from the same area as Volt, but lived further out and closer to those areas where there were some bits of nature left 

ill expand on why he got picked up by Hydron another day lazy rn

Volt Luster

[canon] he’s from an area that just straight up looks like yugioh 5ds’ Satellite, and Hydron was the one who pulled him out of there  

He says Hydron pulled him out of there when he was a kid? I’d assume at youngest it’d be like Hydron (8) and Volt (11)

has a neat collection of handmade jester dolls 

lot more artistic than he seems 

Had his guardian bakugan with him the longest; had Brontes even before he met Hydron

Would the others consider him weird fr having a talking Bakugan that acted friendly with him n cracked jokes? 

[kyulkyungs]

soulmate!jeno

Request: can i request a lil soulmate!au in a non-idolverse for jeno, please? i've been feeling super soft for him lately hehe ☺️💐💝💝(Hihihihihi!!! I can rlly feel u, partner, so this is a definite yes!!)

others: jaemin | haechan | jisung

you’ve met him in your dreams

you know that he’s there and he talks with you sometimes

but his face is always kind of blurry and you can’t remember much of it when you wake up

one thing for sure is that you know he’s a really handsome boy and your heart thumps just thinking about him even if you forget his face

you can remember meeting him way back when you were kids

and he was such a sweet puff all the way back then to you too

even now he’s so amazingly sweet and soft and kind of shy to you now that you’re older and the chances of you actually meeting in person has skyrocketed

you’re not really sure where your dreams take place most of the time

more often than not they’re in a place you or he recognizes

you used to play tag when running around your house or he’d show you all the neat stuff in his room and tell you a different story about every single thing each time

even once the two of you got older that small childish love and innocence never went away once the teenage awkwardness was supposed to set in

the both of you just refused to become that way and instead stay loving and supportive of each other 

even if you could never remember each other’s faces or each other’s names and it was just a fuzzy picture of each other when trying to remember

even his voice which you loved since he liked to talk to you softly as opposed to how loud he would screech when running away from you on this hill in a certain dream

both of you actually weren’t sure where it was because it wasn’t like a park or a place nearby your houses or schools

and the two of you were constantly on the lookout for it and it kind of felt like a childish adventure sometimes and was really fun but he always complained it’d be better to do it with you

as you got older the adventures to seek out the mysterious fun hill stopped and instead you both went on with other things

especially since you moved to a different neighborhood with your family and had to get settled there

you remember being in the dreamscape first because you were so tired, when normally it was your soulmate who was there first

you usually greeted him with a surprise hug and jumping onto his back or grabbing his hand and feeling his warmness or even just tapping his shoulder and getting picked up and spun around because he was so happy to see you

this time you were the one greeted when you felt two arms wrap around you and start swaying you back and forth with the person holding you

honestly the moment was so soft that there were no words needed to be spoken because you knew who this was obviously and you found his embrace so comforting

“it’s early, you usually don’t go to bed this early... good thing i took a nap, huh?” and his voice was still that soft soothing sound to your ears

and you can smell something faint that smells like something sweet and you ask him if he ate some sweets and then went into a food coma

and he just laughs and hugs you tighter saying ‘no, i just wanted to see you that badly’

it’s times like these where you really wish that you could find your soulmate in the real world instead of when you’re far apart and the universe makes it harder to know anything farther than their personalities

you can tell that he feels somewhat the same because he just rests his head on your shoulder and sighs

‘oh did you wash your sheets? they smell really good’ 

and you laugh when he breathes in again but in a dorkier and funnier way to make you laugh and plus his nose tickles !

but you nod anyways while he’s tickling you with his nose ‘yeah, we just moved so everything is fresh right now’

and he hums and is about to ask you where but then he pauses because he knows that he’ll either wake up or it’ll come out like a blurbled mess anyways

and you know he’s kind of sad so you’ve turned around in his hug and are now hugging him tightly while he enjoys your embrace

he loves being able to hug you, this is a fact and you know it and so does the universe

‘i hope you get settled and enjoy your new home’ this is the perfect opportunity for a cheesy line so you use it

‘i already am, because you’re my home’

and he just laughs and buries his head back into your shoulder and you can barely hear it

but he softly says that he really loves you

and it warms up your heart so much

eventually the two of you continue talking and just spending time with each other

and you’re both on the hill again and it brings you back to adventures around your neighborhood as a kid and being determined to find this boy who you wanted to play with all the time

and the sneaking out as a teenager sometimes to scout out a new area and explore further

usually it was these times where your soulmate worried the most about you because you would come in really late in the dreams and he was scared you’d never show up

he would always rush over whenever you appeared and check you for any marks to see if anything happened even if it was kind of blurry

he just wanted to make sure you were okay :( this poor baby

eventually you stopped sneaking out and just hanging out with him in your dreams because yeah it’s not worth it if you did get hurt trying to find this mystery hill and get him a heart attack

little did you know that two or three times he skipped school to look for the hill too and pretended he was sick and everyone had to cover for him and nobody could get the story straight

eventually you got more comfortable and used to your home and your neighbors

one of your neighbors was a nice old lady who had like four little dogs and they were all very good dogs

sometimes they’d somehow get out of the house and over to yours and you’re not even sure how they get in but sometimes they do but it’s okay they’re really cute

one day, however, you find one of the dogs running around in the front yard

you went outside to go catch it and return it to the lady next door but when it saw you it started dashing off in a completely opposite direction

and you panicked because uH?? NO? home that way!!!!

so you had to chase the doggo and it just keeps going like wow it’s a small dog but woosh what is she feeding these dogs if they’re like little ninjas y’know

you expect this dog to turn around and start wagging it’s tail because it knows you’re running after it and it thinks you’re playing with it

but it’s not..... doing that?

it’s just running and running without looking back at you

somehow you make it to a busier street area and that’s when you get more nervous because there’s more people to block you and cars and you really want to save this dog now

but miraculously all the people see you in time and move to the side or the dog runs across crosswalks a couple seconds after the light turns red and someone had hit the button to cross

it’s all sunshine and flowers now but this dog ain’t stopping to appreciate them

as you keep running, you lose more and more energy but you don’t want to lose this dog but wow the distance gap is getting bigger and bigger

it’s not too concerning until you see that the dog is headed for a crosswalk and the sign just turned red and you’re not supposed to cross

but it just keeps going

so you’re shouting at it to stop and for it to wait and it gets closer to the edge and the cars look like they’re about to start moving and don’t see the dog

you’re so frightened that the dog will really run across when you see a pair of legs run in front of the dog’s path and it skids to a stop

when you look up you see a boy and you’re like.............. omg............ that’s my boy

and he picks up the rascal dog and starts walking towards you and as he comes closer and closer he realizes that..........

you look like a mess

but also that.............. wow................ you’re............... you’re his soulmate

you’re still catching your breath and holding your side because it’s so cramped but when he gets closer you just reach your arms out

and he thinks you’re going for a hug so he walks even closer but you just scoop the dog out of his arms and are like

‘thank......... you........... this dog........ idek’

and he just looks at you and just starts smiling because wow it’s really you and he doesn’t care if this is the first time seeing you in person and you’re not showing that much excitement at least he’s getting to see you

eventually you catch your breath and there’s a silence between you and your soulmate is still watching you, arms ready to case you fall over and you just might because your legs are so tired

‘we can go inside here,’ he says and points to this building

and it’s actually a cafe of some sort and you could really use a drink rn and a place to sit down

so you just nod because the reality of meeting your soulmate just hit you and gAH IT’S REALLY HIM!!!!!

when you step inside the ac is on and the people greet you and you just go take a random booth with him

after sitting for a minute or so the both of you make eye contact and that’s really it right there

where everything fits into place and it all seems super right

all of a sudden you’re laughing really hard because it doesn’t seem that real right now

first you were calm in your own home and thinking you’d return the neighbor’s dog like normal

next you were running for your life and also for a dog’s and it was a full blown panic and you probably ran a long distance while sprinting

and now....... now you’ve just met the literal man of your dreams

and he doesn’t even seem fazed by your lack of reaction to meeting him, he just looks like he’s having the time of his life

and that’s when he finally understands

he makes an ‘ahh’ sound and you’re confused and he just smiles at you and points behind you

and painted along the wall of the cafe is a mural of a hill........ your hill

there’s a little phrase that says ‘where dreams come true’ and it’s so cheesy and funny and you’re like...... so that’s what it meant

eventually you turn back around and find that he’s looking at you, just watching you and taking in all your features

you don’t shy away from his gaze at all and instead welcome it because it’s so endearing, so loving, so fond

at the same time you’re mapping out his own features and realizing that he truly is really handsome it’s no joke

he moves his hand across the table and opens it palm up so that he can hold yours for the first time in real life

you’re shuffling the dog so that you can properly hold it and slowly glide your fingertips across his palm before moving your hand to fit into his

and it’s like two puzzle pieces, the rights ones...

a perfect fit

‘jeno,’ he says and you’re testing his name out on your tongue and the whole time he’s just smiling and then he tests your name out on his and it’s so smooth coming out of his mouth

this is the guy you’ve been seeing in your dreams

this is the guy you dreamt of seeing in real life

this is your soulmate........ jeno

never before have you seen a small dog look so smug

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter

[kyohiba]

The XY AU part.3

speaking of dolce i think xue yang would see a bit of himself n a-qing (even in canon they were always quite similar) so he might offer to teach her n hire her so she can have money n not u know steal from his humble bussiness lmao

11h 11 hours ago so while hes teaching her xxc walks into the bread making station n see thm n theres a PING in his heart tht he Knows this girl and this guy and the sound of their voices together

he nvr saw a-qing n he didint see xua yang during thei domestic bliss life bfore so i'd like to think hes Very sensitive to sound memories

ssyifpfff🌙 he might hear xue yang laugh n theres moments whn the familiarity hit him like a train

11h 11 hours ago HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC

YES HOLY HELL A THOUSAND TIMES YES

yeeting patriarch XXC BEING SENSITIVE TO SOUNDS 💘💘💘

a-qings voice Has to be v triggering of memories bc thts all he knew of her, and the sound of her footsteps w her crane

ssyifpfff🌙 her lil daughtre im gonna cry

11h

WHAT IS XUE YANGS SWORD NAME AGIAN

ONE DAY, THE FAM ON FOUR FORMED,

xxc, sl and aqing were at home. xy went out, to the convenience store

ON HIS WAY BACK,

yeeting patriarch HE FINDS AN ABANDONED KITTEN

yeeting patriarch AND BRINGS HOME WITH HIM HIDING ON HIS HOODIE (hes embarrassed of such soft act. he'd plot a whole This Kitten Got Itself Into Our House Through Our Bedroom Window)

sl, sharp, as xy steps inside: what do u have inside ur hoodie xy, nya panic: hhhhh his hoodie: *meows at the right time*

yeeting patriarch ANYWAY STRAIGHT TO THE POINT passing hardcore xy names the kitten (sword name)

SONG LAN W HIS VET SENSES XUE YANG U CANT FOOL HIM BOI

JIANGZAI

ssyifpfff🌙 N EVERY1S LIKE thts so embarassing we're so embarassed for u

11h 11 hours ago xy: dont disrespect jiangzai

despite the deadly name,

yeeting patriarch it's a fluffy white kitten, blue eyed

blue eyes white dragon named jiangzai

ssyifpfff🌙 they mak e fun of his name bUT THE KITTEN IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW EVERY DOTES ON HIM SO MUCH

11h 11 hours ago sl is immediately smitten by the kitten, Obviously

since xy cominf into his life, xxc grew fonder of cats

a-qing spoils it a lot

yeeting patriarch rip xy's title as the household fave cat

yeeting patriarch NAUGHTY TIME, NYEEHAW xy gets jealous the attention his husbands are giving to jiangzai. sl's remarks of cats reminding him of xy decreased. he feels xxc doesnt pet his hair as much as before (he still does but the man is going thru it) and one night... 😏 he bravely goes all kitten mode in bed with xxc and sl

omg he was betrayed by his own cat

it'd b funnier if the cat didint like him lmao

ssyifpfff🌙 SL N XXC ARE LIKE whats up w u why are u acting like a cat anD XY GOES "WELL! DONT U LIKE CATS OR SOMETHING!?"

11h 11 hours ago yeeting patriarch jiangzai: hisses xue yang: hisses back

ssyifpfff🌙 LMAO

11h 11 hours ago I MEAN he did got betrayed by it in the moment he got inside his own house with it. like obviously sl senses would find out but jiangzai meowed like Yes, Here I Am

xue yang the cat bastard who isnt liked by actual cats

he also had a few scratches on him from when he picked jiangzai..... why did he even bother trying to hide the kitten inside his hoodie when he signals were all over the place

LMAO IMAGINE AFTER THAT NIGHT,

sl comes home with a mysterious bag

later into the same night, as the three are in their bedroom, sl goes like at xy *gives the bag* For You. dead serious

xy gets kinda doki like omg

he opens it and sl got him cat ears + tail for Kinky Time

yeeting patriarch xy machine broke

ssyifpfff🌙 "FOR ME? THIS IS FOR YOU, YOU SIKO!!!"

10h 10 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 but he wears it tho

10h 10 hours ago yeeting patriarch ofc his tsun ass wears it later

to soften things up a bit,

imagine xy creating a dessert inspired by xxc

and he names it after one of the meanings xxc's name has

yeeting patriarch Smooth

AAWWHCZDFGASF THE DESSERT IDEA

IDSFHKAJSDGFAS HE MAKES A DESSERT FOR EVERY MEMBER OF HIS NEW FAMILY

Name meanings: Xiao—”dawn”; XingChen—”star-dust”

ssyifpfff🌙 ITS LIKE A PRETTY ICED CAKE W SUGAR SAND THTS SUPER SHINY AND LOOKS LIKE REAL FROST

10h 10 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 for song lan: Common name: ZiChen

Name meanings: Lan—”mist”; ZiChen—Zi a common character found in many names, while Chen means “a precious stone” ITS A SET OF CHOCOLATES THT LOOK LIKE JEWELS

[yozzers]

I’m almost done with my battle brawler rewatch and some things I wanted to comment on or just point out ep 39-46. 

Masquerade definitely doesn’t reside in the mask. There’s just no way because he had to have possessed Alice at certain points to even put on the mask, like the mask is NOT his only link you know what I mean. The whole clothes thing still puzzles me but I don’t think the creators care and so that means I also shouldn’t. 

In ep 44 there’s a small part where it looks like Alice is saying something under her breath, like you see her mouth move but she isn’t saying anything mid-transformation. Thinking a little about that, probably overthinking it but... yeah do with that info as you will. 

I can’t tell if Joe’s jarring speech pattern and delivery is the dub’s fault or him saying weird things is a Joe thing. I’ll probably watch the sub to check because atm I’m obsessed with drawing comparisons between Bakura and Joe + Alice. 

He has this weird convo before the brawlers head out to Vestoria where he tells them “I can’t go with you this time around”, and doesn’t really say why. 

Dan replies with something like “Oh that’s fine, we need someone to man the fort anyways, be sure to take care of Wavern while we’re gone” (which is...something he already does, that’s his job Dan cmon). 

Joe responds with “Sure, of course” in the most noncommittal tone, and I mean he already does that with almost everything he says but the exchange sounded so funny??? 

JOE THAT’S YOUR ONE JOB, THAT’S ALL YOUR RELEVANT FOR, PROTECTING WAVERN (WHICH ISNT MUCH PROTECTING BCS U DONT DO MUCH OTHER THAN FERRY WAVERN AROUND). 

The way Hydranoid talks to Alice after they become her guardian bakugan is...cute... gap moe(?) is that the right term to describe it... 

The JJ dolls + Marucho brawl was legit embarrassing saw the worst ver of Marucho unwillingly too

it’s convinced me you can apply this audio with Marucho and Alice (a bit distasteful but the audio itself is really funny to me)

misc comments / hcs

I never knew Klaus was 18, take a look at this loser hanging out with middle schooler 

Can’t say this with confidence but it kind of feels like Alice has PTSD 

Bakugan consistency is so good --> Klaus Vs Alice had an entire thing where Alice goes back and forth between going “I can’t fight I don’t want to” and “I’ll beat you for sure”, while Klaus is like “Ooo you want to fight me so badly yeah you wanna brawl me sooo badly you said it yourself are you a coward or a fighter” (he says, after forcing Alice to brawl him while she had a meltdown in front of him). 

It would’ve been an infinitely better departure if Naga pwn’ed Masquerade. 

You know how Naga basically created Masquerade? I kind of assumed that how it’d go after that Darkus/Pyrus brawl... like I assumed all of Naga’s creation have a direct connection to him, so the moment Masquerade is basically rebelling by helping the enemy, Naga would just sorta know and he would just like... *crushes Masquerade like a bug*  Or something like that idk

Anyway this entire finale has further convinced me that Joe literally has nothing going for him past just being the guy who takes Wavern around places and has funny reactions. If he was simply the one to house the infinity core instead he’d have sm more relevance to Wavern and the plot. 

Also I think his brawl with masquerade would’ve been infinitely funnier if that was the case, darkus brawler created from literal concentrated negative energy versus haos brawler housing a magic orb thing created from concentrated positive energy? cmon now