#it´s only mentioned but i understand some people can be uncomfortable with the topic

[celestialtarot11]

astrology observations

Hi friends! Today we’re discussing power dynamics in relationships, so there is light mention of drug use, abuse, gaslighting and emotional abuse. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable! I kept it light as best as I could. Do leave feedback & comments to help! Id love to hear your thoughts <3

Moon in scorpio- Growing up, emotions were regarded as superficial or was never even acknowledged. Mental health did not exist in the natives family, or it was shunned upon. Very likely an authority figure tried to impose their rules and values onto the native, going as far to have the native, “become like me.” As a way to save their legacy, even though it meant suffocating the native’s individuality. Lots of power dynamics and imbalances, the authority figure projected insecurities and problems onto the native at a young age—expecting the native to be a therapist of some kind. Didn’t allow the native to have a childhood of safety, stability and comfort.

3rd house stellium/virgo asc—If you have both of these, one, or Mercury as your ruler your sibling/s are very important in your healing journey. Depending on the planets in your third house or its ruler, you will find what your siblings can hell you heal/work on in this lifetime. If you have Jupiter in the 3rd, it’s possible you could have older sibling/s who always protected you in bad times. Always stood up for you. Always spoke up for you. Always got you when you had a bad day. The love shared between you two is deep. If Jupiter is in scorpio, both of you dealt with a traumatic upbringing only you two understand so deeply. You both saw each other at your deepest.

Jupiter in scorpio 3h makes for a very strong sibling bond. If it is unafflicted, if aspecting venus, or conj. The bond it intensified even more. The sibling would always look out for the native and even get themselves in trouble for it.

If Jupiter is afflicted with Saturn or Pluto, the sibling relationship dynamic will change. Possibly the sibling could move away and go silent, or deal with severe mental health issues. There ends up being a separation between the siblings, a divide in their morals, values and beliefs.

Taurus rising with moon in the 1st house—Its so interesting to see how this quickly can change depending on where the house ruler is. One can look at this and think this makes for an eloquent, observant and emotional yet passive person. But if the house ruler lies in the 8th house which would be Venus, this changes the meaning entirely. The native is possessed with wisdom and hurt of their traumatic childhood. They often experience tumultuous shifts in their identity, because of their lack of safety in their childhood, they never formed who they were. It is hidden by layers of trauma. But with moon in the first house this native carries their wounds deeply and openly. In some way, their childhood is exposed to family or friends around them. It reveals the pain they went through deeply. It can give them a heavier, intense energy. Something like a void of pain and hurt. They may also have eyes that penetrate deep to the soul because of their power. That being said, these natives have the empowerment to heal themselves on a deep level. They do a lot of inner work and may join therapy for a while to really understand themselves in a safe environment.

Sun in the 9th house, aspecting pluto—The native can become controversial due to a “taboo,” topic in their community. Very likely the native is misunderstood for years regarding what they say, what their message is. Somehow people project their opinions, assumptions without thinking of it affects the native. The native may experience backlash, ignorance from the community, until years later a revelation or truth comes out. People come to find out exactly what the native had been preaching was not only right, but astounding for so long. Sun aspecting moon also gives the native a denser, heavier energy. People may think the native was being rude or brash with their words, but in reality the native is passionate, deliberate, and intelligent.

Sun in the 9h, asp pluto— can also make an individual popular for taboo reasons. Or “heavier,” means. Like speaking up on child trafficking, political issues, ethical issues, getting into forensic criminology, becoming a lawyer, becoming a motivational speaker to help abused victims. As a lawyer the native may also fight a case that either hurts or uplifts their career. That case is something everyone will remember then by.

Chiron in the 12th in Pisces—The native experiences total loss of safety, love and stability. Stripped bare of their identity and personality, it’s likely the native experience gaslighting or emotional abuse of some kind around family or friends. The native had dreams and goals that struggled to reach light because as the native was a child, they were too busy shouldering responsibilities. Too busy caring for individuals who kept hurting them, thinking it was love. Confusing love and abuse all the same. I love you my Chiron 12h 🤍

Saturn in the 12h- Oppressive, absent father figure. If there was a father figure, the father either one: slacked on being a father or two, was obsessive in training the child. Strict rules, strict values, a conservative way of living. The native felt misguided and cornered under the father figure, having high expectations dishes out constantly and never being able to live up to any of them, because they are simply human. Which the father figure fails to comprehend—the nature of the child. Saturn in the 12h denotes the father figure experiencing separation from the child multiple times either due to: jail, alcohol, drug possession, divorce, etc.

Jupiter aspecting mars in pisces—Jupiter aspecting mars can make a native dream of taking action for a long time. Towards their future, love life, career, etc. then one day it hits them that they are spending too much time waiting for it to unfold passively. So they make a change. An impulsive much needed change. They undergo a drastic change physically and mentally. People may talk for a long time about the natives’ choices and decisions, leaving behind a legacy.

Mars in the 11th house—Can make parents/friends/family/people ignorant to the natives abuse. People may often gaslight the native as if the native is simply confused about their experiences, leading to disempowerment of the native. People may try and romanticize what the native experienced as well—glossing over extremely important details. The native gets shoved around in childhood, one to the next, never experiencing true stability. Their stability might just be the time they spend alone.

Venus in the 8h—Experiencing loss through relationships. This could exist in so many forms, betrayal, death, separation, etc. The native may relate to it being, not just one relationship, but it’s most of their relationship in this lifetime that bring up patterns in childhood. The native just wants to feel safe and not crash and burn at every connection. May experience separation with a loved one, someone very close to them. The native asks themselves why this pattern of loss keeps happening in their lives. Where does it come from? Often, a parental figure more-so the mother figure. By understanding their relationship to their mother natives can understand how they learned to cope with unhealthy treatment from others and how its impacting their ability to experience meaningful relationships.

NN in the 12h in Aries—Natives with NN in the 12h often experience isolation whether in prison, at home in an abusive family—or being on their own financially. Isolation in some way or form. NN in aries in the 12h, if you pay attention to the rest of the chart it will describe what kind of trauma the native experienced. Someone with this placement possibly experienced isolation & was forced to grow up to be a better mentor. Better son. Better daughter. Better older siblings. But lacked the guidance on how to. They were left to fend for themselves and figure it out. If the native has a stellium in the 3rd house, its possible they were left to be the better older sibling and weren’t taught how to be better for themselves.

Mercury in Capricorn—Surprisingly a native can struggle with speaking or writing with this placement. Whether it be from having a speech impediment, mutism, etc. or they could have been bullied into believing their voice didn’t matter so they hardly share their feelings and thoughts. When they do people expect them to still play that robotic monotonous role—which hurts them even more. Much love to my cap mercs 🤍 eventually its why capricorn mercurys can go on to be poets or be expressive in art. Because they weren’t allowed normal ways to express their feelings.

At your first saturn return, you will experience a massive life change. Any major circumstance happening at that time will be amplified, because Saturn is showing you lessons regarding growth. Healing never truly ends regardless of our age. At the end of your saturn return you may find that whatever issue you were dealing with will resolve itself much better—regarding your inner work and healing.

Thank ya’ll for reading!! <3 sincerely appreciate any feedback or comments you can give. I hope you are all having a wonderful day/night!

Extra

Paid readings🤍

[wonijinjin]

seventeen members when their introverted s/o feels socially exhausted

author’s note: i am a very extroverted person so it was a bit difficult to write this but i hope i could still make it comforting for my introvert darlings. enjoy!

synopsis: what the title says

word count: 1.0k | genre: fluff, comfort | pairings: seventeen x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of food, mental health

seungcheol would be a little bit taken aback at first since his nature makes him an absolute worrier; he would be asking you if you were feeling okay. if you were out in the city he would definitely suggest going home so you could recharge your energy in peace, next to his comforting presence. you could also expect him to be extra clingy after you gave him the green light of being in your more extroverted mood again.

now jeonghan is known to get drained eventually in social situations aswell, so he would be no stranger to helping you feel comfortable. he would make sure you had a little bit of quiet, leaving you for a bit with your thoughts to really think about what you wanted, and whatever that might be he would be sure to give it to you; cuddles or alone time, sleeping or just the two of you talking mindlessly about various topics.

joshua is very observant so he would notice the signs of you getting pretty tired, that is why he would make an excuse to get the pair of you home from the friendly gathering you were attending at that time, since he wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable by asking directly. after stepping inside your bedroom he would surely ask if you wanted to talk about it with him, and do as you decide to proceed.

jun is one of the more silent lovers, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be the most attentive partner to ever exist. he is quick witted so he would always have advice for you if you needed it regarding getting through a difficult time, guiding you through the ways he had solved this problem in the past. you could also expect him to buy you your comfort foods aswell, because he wants you to take care of yourself.

hoshi is a very extroverted person so he may have trouble with helping you if you got socially exhausted, but he would do everything in his power to be a fast learner. he would want you tell him whenever you needed a break from him and his friends since you hung out a lot on a daily basis, and he would gladly bomb you with long voice messages saying during you recharge period so you wouldn’t feel alone even then.

wonwoo has a very quiet way of caring for you, usually many silent acts of service included in it; the moment he saw your energy levels drop he would absolutely ask if you wanted to spend some time away from people, whispering into your ear lowly as he stroked your hair in an encouraging and comforting manner to let him know what you wanted to do next to which he would happily adjust his schedule too.

woozi doesn’t go out often so he might be a little bit confused about your feelings, but he would be desperate to understand what you mean. he would just take you to his studio where the two of you could easily lay on the couch, calming muic playing in the background while he patiently listened to your worries, cooing at how exhausted you probably looked and felt, trying to get you to sleep beside him to get the rest you deserved.

dk can be a very loud person sometimes so it would probably take some time for him to notice your change in behaviour, after you constantly going to social events, having to surround yourself with people frequently. he would be all over you (actually kind of making the situation even worse lmao) trying to figure out a way to help, to which you would gladly accept the cuddles offered by him, needing his touch only.

mingyu is also a very hyped man so he would definitely be sulking upon hearing you say that you were very drained and wanted some peace and quiet since this puppy cannot shut up. poor boy would be so careful around you, being afraid of upsetting you by making noise every minute, and you would have to tell him that he was always welcomed in your space, to which he would happily smother you in kisses.

minghao can be very understanding about your feelings, he himself likes to spend some time to take care of his mental health and well-being, this is why when you confided in him and talked about how you felt he would suggest trying meditation with him. he would also encourage you to openly say no to people when you don’t feel like letting them into your personal space or not wanting to hang out with them.

your mental health may be one of the most important things for seungkwan, since he knows how badly it can affect your mood if you are not feeling comfortable. he would baby you a lot, letting you come to him with your worries and thoughts so he won’t overwhelm you with his constant questions. he would also make sure you eat and drink enough since he no how you tend to neglect your own needs from time to time.

vernon is the perfect example of a person who can be left alone and enjoy his time without others’ presence so if you ever felt burnt out from people but still wanted to be active in some kind of way he would have many ideas offered to you about how to get that much needed recharge from the world; trying a new hobby which doesn’t include other individuals and can make you relax while doing it.

dino knew something was up with you the moment he looked into you direction, he knew you exceeded your limits and wished to rest a bit, to turn your mind off. he would take you dancing with him (even if you were just watching) to make you focus on the beatsof the music and move to it, shaking the stres away off your tired form and to physically exhaust yourself to then get into bed and sleep easily like a baby.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA FOR KISSING MY ROOMMATE GOODNIGHT?

(everyone is in their 20s. names are fake)

I’d like to start off by giving background, I(M) live with my roommate Salt. We’ve been living together for a couple of years now and met through mutual friends.

I’m straight. Salt is gay in a very open, stereotypical sense(yk flamboyant, effeminate etc) and I’m not saying this to judge him/say I resent him or something he’s a dear friend of mine and I couldn’t care less abt his sexuality or how he chooses to express himself. However it’s important to mention this for the sake of AITA

The actual ‘issue’ started a year ago, where we were both drunk coming home from a party, I was struggling to get my keys out so he called me a idiot and then just.. kissed me??

That caused me to question my sexuality for a while because being a straight man you’d think I’d be repulsed or bothered by it but no I didn’t really enjoy it(not like there was smth to enjoy it was like a couple of seconds) but didn’t really mind it either in fact it didn’t made me feel any different than how I’d feel kissing a random girl I suppose?

So yeah I experimented with my sexuality for a week or so and even almost hooked up with some guy but nope. Still straight. Just didn’t mind him(probably because of how close we are)

Anyways back to the point after that Salt avoided me for a while but in the end we did have a talk which was basically him saying he was not attracted to me, how it was a spur of the moment thing and also apologizing if he made me uncomfortable.

To that I told him he did not and joked about how he could do it again.

Fast forward a month(?) later the “kissing the homies goodnight” meme came out, so one time I asked him where was my goodnight kiss was at and he actually did it, after that we just continued doing that ig I don’t think none of us thought much of it other than some night time ritual.

Here comes the actual AITA part, I recently got a girlfriend(we’ll call her Pepper). I’ts not like I’m super in love with her but she’s a nice girl and I genuinely like her so I wish to keep her happy.

The issue with Pepper is that she talks a tad bit too much, I normally wouldn’t mind it as I’m on the quiet part, but she expects me to memorize everything she has told me(not in the “do you remember my friend” type of way in the she tells me about 10 different people and gets upset when I don’t remember their exes names or what did friend7 did on lunch a month ago type of way) she also has a tendency to hyperfixate on shows and talk about the plot & characters as if they’re actual real people which makes it hard for me to understand if something she says is about a show or real. She gets really upset if I forget even the smallest things about those stories and rants about how I never listen to her. I tried talking to her about this but it only ends with her crying so I just keep shut to keep her satisfied

A week ago I was having a really bad day of migraines and nothing seemed to help but me and Pepper had made plans to hang in my place and I didn’t want to cancel. She comes over and starts talking about her sister in life’s brunch. I ask her if she could slow down a bit cause my head hurts and I can’t really keep up.

Well she takes it the wrong way and starts yelling at me about how I always am like this and how I never listen to her. I admit I’m the asshole for saying this, but I ask her if she’s unable to sit down and have a conversation like an adult. This makes her calm down a bit and she sits down so we can discuss.

I try explaining to her how it’s unfair how she expects me to remember everything and I’d be more than happy to listen to her, maybe just slow down a bit?

In mid of it she has this weird smile on her face and tells me I look hot mad, she then leans over to kiss me which I pull away from because it feels like she’s just trying to change a topic and I think this is an important convo for our relationship.

This is the moment Salt decides to arrive at home(I should also mention he’s TERRIBLE at reading the room) he comes over gives me my goodnight kiss and leaves.

(I would like to add its not like we make out or something. He just gives me a peck on the lips, says goodnight and leaves)

This drives Pepper crazy. She starts shouting at me on how I’d not kiss her but him? And that I could go ride his dick if I’m that gay for him. She storms out of the apartment

I’d like to add that Pepper has never said anything about me and Salt. I never told her about the goodnight kiss(Because I mean who goes to their girlfriend like “hey btw I kiss my roommate at nights. but no homo”?) but we never hide it either in fact I’m pretty sure we did that while she was in room once or twice too. Pepper has made jokes about us being gay and how she feels bad about getting inbetween us but never anything on being uncomfortable or not liking it.

Now it’s been a week and we haven’t talked since. She is not answering my messages and I stopped trying to contact her from there but I’m starting to doubt myself, am I the asshole here? Should I go apologize?

What are these acronyms?

[thequietkid-moonie]

heya! may i request nagito, fuyuhiko, rantaro, gonta, gundham and kazuichi with a gn!s/o who comes out to them as asexual? <3

S/O coming out as asexual

[ SCENARIO ] [ Nagito, Fuyuhiko, Gundham, Kazuichi, Rantaro, Gonta ] [ Danganronpa 2 Goodbye Despair ] [ Danganronpa V3 Killing Harmony ]

× In case someone doesn't know, asexuality is feeling little to nothing sexual atraction for others and don't being interested on sexual relationship (but it depends on the person too)

My dear anon I LOVE YOU!! I love your request 😭❤️ I been craving for danganronpa requests and you don't just chose ✨ amazing ✨ characters ✨ but also request for an asexual s/o, as an asexual person Im more than happy to write it!! ❤️❤️❤️

This is my first time writing for most of the characters you asked, I really REALLY hope I made a good job and that you like it! 😣

Nagito Komaeda

Nagito is a really loving partner, and an intense one too, for him you are amazing and completely gorgeous, simple perfect and being in a relationship with you is a little overwhelming for him, he feels like he doesn't deserve you and yet he is ecstatic to be able to be with you,

Nagito has no idea how he should act as a boyfriend and still he put all his efforts on doing so, he mainly just follows your lead and do whatever you ask him to (at least at first, until he can understand more how a relationship works). Nagito doesn't think that he has the right to ask anything from you but he craves for your love and comfort, Nagito's life has always been rough, he had never had someone to love him but that you are in his life he wants more and more, even when he feels selfish for it

Being in a relationship is a learning proces for him so he doesn't really think much in the sexual part, and since you doesn't mention it or anything is just something that is ignored for a long time, it could easily go unnoticed that you are asexual if you don't say anything about it

It could be that one of his classmates ask him about his relasionship and ask if you two had reach that point already, or while trying to investigate how to be a good boyfriend he come across about how some people considerate the sexual part as really important, however he is really smart and doesn't take him long to notice your lack of interest on the topic

Nagito doesn't want to jump into conclutions so he may think on diferent posibilities of why you don't seem interested on this kind of thing (at least once he thought that you aren't atracted to him in that way, and he wouldn't blame you if that is the case), but isn't because he is complaining or he wants to do it, he is just too determined to please you

As much as this troubled him Nagito doesn't feel the right to ask you about it, so it has to be because he somehow gain the courage to finally ask you (more likely he noticed you being worried or uncomfortable about something) or you are the one telling him about this

Nagito is really worried when you get serious or even nervous about needing to tell him something, he expect the worst but when you tell him that you are asexual (and explain what it is) he is relieved. Nagito ask you for more details about this, only if you are willing to share it with him, just because he knows that this is important for you so is important for him (also he wants to hear all you want to talk about the topic, it makes him happy hearing you and helps him learn about all of this)

Nagito is really supportive over this, once you are done explaining it he makes clear that he doesn't have problem if in your relationship you two never really have sex, being able to be by your side and being loved for you is more than enough for him. Nagito never really make coments about this kind of things, not even jokes and still he will try to watch over his words and what others say when you are around if talking about this stuff makes you uncomfortable

Some asexual people are willing or even want to actually have sex with the person they love after getting completely comfortable, Nagito doesn't really expect that to happen because he isn't goint to force you to anything, but if it will ever happen he want to first make sure this is what you want (and even him will be nervous about it)

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

For Fuyuhiko is already dificult to trust on people, he had grew in a pretty hostile environment and just with Peko to rely on (and still he can't let himself shows vulnerability), when he finally not just trust in someone but falls in love he does hard, his feelings are pretty strong and doesn't let him much room to ignore them (even when he tries)

Is more likely he start a relasionship with you with your and Peko's help because he is lost on what to do, and even when you two start dating it take him a while to get used to be in a relationship. Fuyuhiko is kinda insecure in the relasionship, he doesn't know what he is supoused to do or say and not even if he will be able to do it, so he relies more on indirect ways to showing you his love

There is no way he will rush things when he himself is nervous and flustered by the idea of showing physical affection, and also he will never force you to do anything you don't want (he may has problems to express himself but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you). Is just that he has never being this close to someone (outside of maybe Peko or his sister, but this is completely different), so between his nervousness he tries to take his time and enjoy the time he spend with you

Just as he doesn't want to rush things the thought of having sex doesn't really cross his mind (maybe he had thought about it one or two times but he quickly throw away that idea really embarrassed for even thinking on it), having sex isn't really his main and he is too nervous about the relasionship to even think on that, so he won't really mentioning it (even when he make peace with the topic still it isn't something too relevant for him)

When you finally open up to him about you being asexual he will need you to explain it since he isn't familiar with the term, still it doesn't take him long to understand what it means and when he does he will aks you if that's all like it wasn't nothing, not because he doesn't think is important is just that he doesn't see the sexual part as esencial or too important, if you think that he doesn't care about what you said or something he is quickly to apologize and explain why his reaction

He won't admit it but he is kind relieved that you don't expect to that to happen (or not anytime soon) since he is just too nervous about that topic and it isn't too important for him, he has more important things on what to think that having sex (like trying to don't put you at risk for him being a yakuza)

Fuyuhiko is really supportive of you, he reasure you in his own way that this is just the way you are and you don't have to feel ashame or anything for being you (he is even proud of you for open up to him with this, but he is too shy to tell you this)

Even if you don't have problems or it doesn't make you uncomfortable when others talks about sex he is making sure no one talks about such topics around you, let alone involve you in such vulgar conversation, even threating anyone who dares to make you remotely uncomfortable with this

Gundham Tanaka

Is difficult to approach to Gundham, not just for his extravagant personality but because he is used to be ignored or hates by others, just really trusting the animals he take care of, but it isn't imposible and when you manage to get close to him, even just as friend it is something really surprising for him, it take him off guard, and when he falls in love it just afect him even more (but not really in a bad way)

Being in a relationship with you is a complety new experience for him and still he never ceases to be the same so even in the relasionship he is living it in his own way, slowly getting used to recive and express love (in his own way)

As the time pass by Gundham slowly get used to have you so physicaly and emotionaly close to him, and yet that doesn't stop him from become a blushing mess anytime you show directly affection to him. Is a slowly process for him to show affection and, contrary as his villain persona, he always gives you pretty soft and loving touches

It makes Gundham happy to be with someone who accept and love him just the way he is and for him being in a relationship means sharing a lot of experiences and special moments with the person he loves (even if the moments doesn't seem too extravagant he is happy with it), and yet he doesn't really think on having sex with his partner, he barely is able to tolerate the innocent physical affection without feelings completely flustered (even when he gets used to is still a little flustered), he isn't just capable to thing in something like sex (and even when you two move forward in their relationship sex isn't really his main)

Gundham always take seriously whatever it comes to you, when you tell him that you need to tell him something important he doesn't waste time before putting his full attention to you in a serious manner and doesn't lose his seriousness after you explain that you are asexual (even when you took him off guard with the topic)

Trying to don't lose his composture Gundham tells you that he understand and reasure you that there is nothing you should worry about, he doesn't finds problems with you don't being interested on sex or not even feeling sexual atraction, Gundham Tanaka isn't like the other mortals who can be easily tempted with something so vain like sex and if you had manage to reach his cold heart it isn't because your body

Gundham is supportive over you and he is even proud that you are able to express what you are freely, he may even tell others about this braging about you are so powerful that you can't be tempted by mortal bodies (just his own way to show how proud he is of you). Also, he has no problem with standing up for you if someone is making you uncomfortable for talking about such things

Kazuichi Soda

The moment Kazuichi falls in love he does it hard, he is completely head over heals for you and he doesn't even try to hide it, Kazuichi is completely open with the love he has for you even before start dating, and when you do start dating Kazuichi's happiness just increase

For Kazuichi being a good boyfriend for you means doing everything for you, in his eyes you are so beautiful and pure, someone who should be protected by anything and everything and he wants to do that, Kazuichi treats you like royalty and even when he doesn't ask for anything in return he still he craves for your love. It would take him a while to get used to be in a relationship, to be reciprocate, but he appreciate it nonetheless

For Kazuichi you are just too special so he doesn't want to rush things with you, but at the same time he wants to melt in your arms, even if you aren't shy he wants to wait until you are ready to initiate the physical affection

Also, Kazuichi is kinda pervert too, but he feels a little ashame by it sometimes, he will be lying if he says that he had never thought of you in a sexual way but he won't say it out loud, he is embarrassed for thinking about you in that way, and he is a little scare of your reaction if you ever know. That you are asexual could go unnoticed for a while but at some point Kazuichi notice how you don't seem too comfortable when the topic of sex came out, however he relate it to you being shy or even innocent

When you finally open up to him and tell him that you are asexual (and explain what being asexual implies) he will be a little shocked at first, he has never heard a term like that before nor met someone asexual before, it would take him a while to fully comprehend what are you telling to him and still when he start to get it he still seem troubled, mainly because it has been a lot of information

Kazuichi loves you just the way you are, so you being asexual won't really change his feelings for you, he is a little sad that you don't want to have sex since is something he kinda expected but he will never force you to do something you don't want to, your happiness and safety is his first priority

Kazuichi will be thinking in all of this for a while, trying to process all the information you say it to him and once he knows that some asexual people are even bother by the only thought of sex he becomes completely ashame of himself for ever thinking about you in that way. Kazuichi wants to apologize to you for doing such thing, and he does deeply apologize even when he isn't explaining why he is apologizing, he even insist on having to make it up for you, he can't just bare the thought of being the one bringing you any kind of discomfort

Kazuichi can be pretty overstated sometimes, specially when it comes to you, so it would take him a while to get used to the idea of you being asexual, not because it bothers him or something, is just that Kazuichi is too obsessed with ensuring your safety that he will kinda want to protect you from this too, somehow (he is being silly but has the best intentions)

Rantaro Amami

Rantaro is a really chill and calm guy, even when he falls in love he is pretty subtle with it, he isn't too obvious with it but doesn't hide it neither, more like trying to court you but still being friendly (he wants to win your heart but not force you to anything you don't want

Rantaro can be pretty flirty and romantic, but once you two start dating he becomes more affectionate, he love PDA but he won't force you to it, so if you feel uncomfortable or are shy he will stay back in that, he can always express his love in different ways

Starting a sexual relationship isn't the main of Rantaro, he wil never force you to do anything you don't want and he prefers to wait before every new step in your relationship until both are sure that that is what you want to. Also, Rantaro is really smart and observant person, he can easily find out that you aren't comfortable or interested in the sexual part, he is curious about that but he isn't going to force you to talk if you aren't ready, but at some point he will want to know and if you don't tell him he will directly ask (sitting down to talk about it, in private to be able to focus all his attention on you and making sure no one else will heard), he isn't trying to invade your privacy but is obvious that this is something important, and if it is important for you is important for him, he wants to make sure it isn't something causing you troubles

Is probably that he already know what asexuality is, either because he had searched about it or even that one of his sister had tell him about it, and even if he already knows he want for you to explain it since it isn't the same for everyone, also he want for you to feel free to share this with him so he ask you for more details to let you know that this is important for him too

He tries to don't interrupt you and just talk to add more information or ask for something, but at the end Rantaro thanks you for sharing this with him and reasure you that this doesn't change his feelings nor the way he sees you, and he doesn't mind if you two never have sex, he loves you for who you are and not just for your body, that isn't important for him

He is completely supportive of you, he doesn't mind just showing physical affection, also he can express how much he loves you without having to get physical with you. Rantaro even ask you if there is something that makes you uncomfortable about it (some touches that you doesn't like or that cross your limits), he loves you so the last thing he wants is make you uncomfortable, even if is by accident

After making clear all your limits, what makes you uncomfortable and what you prefer he doesn't mention again this chat or that you are asexual (aside from making some jokes with you about it, and only if you are okay with it) and still is something that he always keep in mind

Rantaro wants to reach a intimacy that doesn't have to involve nothing sexual, just being able to cuddle you and hold you close is enough for him, and he always remember you that he is with you because he loves you just the way you are if you ever feel insecure about this or just because he wants to tell you how much he loves you

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta is a completely gentleman, no matter with who he is treating he is always kind, but ones he falls in love he becomes even more kind and sweet towards you if that is even posible, even when he could be pretty obvious with his crush he is still clueless of his feelings for a while

Once you two start dating Gonta is always trying to be a perfect gentleman for you and still he can be pretty shy, it would take him a while to get used to be in a relationship, still Gonta is pretty affectionate and doesn't have a problem with telling you how much he loves and appreciate you

Gonta is completely gentle with you, and yet he sometimes ask for advice to his friends in what he should do or how to act, still Gonta always ask for your permision first before trying something new

He may know a little about how couples reach a point where both have sex as a way to express your love and as usual thing but he is too shy and embarrassed by the only thought of the posibility, Gonta doesn't even let himself think on you in such way, that is not something a gentleman would do! (not like he will anyways, sex isn't that important to him and it make him feel embarrassed)

Gonta won't really get that you are asexual if you don't tell him, however he will notice if you ever feel uncomfortable or seem troubled for it (like someone talking about that or you being insecure) and, of course, he ask you whats wrong immediatly and has no problem with standing up for you if is someone specifically who's making you uncomfortable, and yet he doesn't make the connection of you being uncomfortable by sexual things

The moment you finally open up to Gonta and tell him that you are asexual it will take him a while to understand what are you telling him, is kinda complicated for him and is probably that he doesn't fully get it, so being more direct with him and telling him that you aren't interested on sex make it clear for him, it embarrassed him a little talking about such things but he is happy that you tell him something so important for you and he reasure you that is okay, if you don't want to do that then you don't have to do it!

He doesn't see any problem with not having sex with you and he is completely supportive of you, even when he doesn't fully understand all the terms you told him. However he will be thinking about it and be worried that he will make you uncomfortable if he touch you (even when his intentions are never in a sexual way), so after thinking on it he may be a little hesitant to touch you, even if is just to hold your hand or hugs you, and even apologize when he touch you by accident, it would help him a lot if you reasure him that is okay for him to touch you and leave clear your limits, as well to tell him if there is something that makes you uncomfortable (and yet he will be a little hesitant and shy for a while, but it will pass soon)

[diezmil10000]

what was your dave hc for that davekat comic? just curious

okay so. two things. first of all a content warning for discussing homophobia and child abuse (i mention child sexual abuse but don’t go into detail). second of all, i read homestuck for the first time last month and i’ve never read any analysis of dave’s character, so i have no idea of what the general opinion is!

this is insanely long so it’s all under the cut, sorry if you didn’t expect this wall of text anon

i think it's pretty much explicitly canon that dave has a complicated relationship with his attraction to men, both because of internalised homophobia and because of the abuse he suffered as a child from his bro. as someone who didn’t pay much attention to dave until later pages, i want to say that his first meeting with dirk was the only moment in all homestuck that made me cry and left me with my heart stinging. i had to stop reading for a while

my comic was the result of days of thinking of how dave is a deeply repressed and traumatised boy who left earth thinking being gay is a joke, only to fall for another boy whose entire species is bisexual by default. i like to interpret dave as someone who is simultaneously uncomfortable with and yearning for intimacy – he is kinda okay with having a partner, with casually making out, but he freaks out the moment he has to talk about his feelings or take things a step further. the fact that he (as davesprite) suddenly breaks up with jade, unable to put his feelings into words for a proper explanation; the way he (pre-retcon) describes his relationship with terezi on the meteor as “a thing” and refuses to talk to karkat (or anyone) about it; the whole goddamn conversation between him and karkat and john in the final arc… this poor kid has gone through a lot

a lot of the abuse he’s suffered because of his bro is very explicit, like being denied privacy, but a lot of it is also left implied. he’s weirdly fixated on dirk being gay, not only because he wants to know how he came out, but also because learning about it made him have a realization about his bro that he refuses to even bring up in the conversation. the first though i had was that he went through some kind of sexual abuse, not necessarily involving physical touch (though it could be) but strong enough to damage his perception towards his own body. even for a headcanon in which that doesn’t happen, dave says his bro never truly loved him, and i can imagine him having never received any kind of genuine physical affection

we also have to take into account that dave’s last sight of earth was 2009’s earth. we’re in 2023 as i’m writing this and men all over the world still have a complicated relationship with affection and feelings, especially straight men towards other men. dave grew up in a time in which gay marriage wasn’t legal in the united states, in which a lot of feminist ideas were outright discarded as crazy, and he never had to question lgbt issues because all of his crushes before karkat were girls. so he left earth being not exactly homophobic but finding jokes about gay people funny, and then he was forced to live with aliens that don’t understand heteronormativity because they quite literally don’t care about gender. and on top of that, the only other human in the meteor who happens to be his sister is suddenly a lesbian, and he feels like he’s the only one who can’t come to terms with his own sexuality

as much as it’s tempting to think that dave and rose had some conversations about the topic on the meteor, to me it is much more interesting to think that they haven’t. rose is another can of worms, and i personally love that the way she sorted her feelings out is 100% up to interpretation (i have dozens of explicitly repressed lesbians to read about in other media) – however, in every possible scenario i imagine dave dying to ask her personal questions, but ultimately deciding against it because it would put him in a vulnerable position. he isn't alone, but he's been taught to believe he is

so, finally coming back to how i envisioned my davekat comic: they have made out more than once but they have never talked about how they feel about it. karkat is afraid to death of hurting dave because he apparently can’t stop hurting his loved ones! but he guesses that at this point they are both on the same page and they should take it a step further and maybe dave just needs someone else to silently take the initiative? which isn't entirely wrong (they are horny teenagers physically craving for touch), but the sudden skin-to-skin contact is too much for dave, who isn’t mentally prepared for this. and he won’t be prepared until he talks about it, but he will eventually. because he will learn that he isn't alone and he will never be

honestly, out of all things i didn’t expect when i read homestuck, the last one was a well written teenager coming to terms with the fact that he’s bisexual. i really don’t want to hear any debate about this topic, because i was genuinely touched by how human dave’s development felt and that’s the emotion i want to remember. i too have been a lgbt teenager with no words to describe my experiences, afraid of coming out to my friends, and it was very nice to read that two of the four main protagonists of homestuck are explicitly lgbt. sorry if the wording isn’t the most pleasing, i know that literally almost every homestuck character is explicitly lgbt (you could argue that all kids are), but i guess that rose and dave being *inarguably* lgbt while being so important to the story makes my heart warm. we don’t usually get stories like this that get so insanely popular. also, i hope this hasn’t come across as me reducing dave to his insecurities and sexuality, it was after all a reply to a specific question!!

thank you for the interest anon, and thank you for reading all of this to anyone who has :)

[terraliensvent]

Hello Terralien members, I’m posting this to clear up any misconceptions and explain.

I had joined Terraliens because a couple friends of mine were in it, I had been told to stay is the supporter lounge and to not go into the main channels of the server form a friend.

This is why I thought the server was mostly adults, because in the supporter lounge. Majority of the active members in it are 18+, mostly in their mid 20’s early 30’s or just freshly 18.

The reason I refuse to interact with minors online is because in the past when I had just turned 18 I was in a relationship with someone younger than me by a year (they were 17), I was harassed by other individuals who were 15-17, a small handful being 18, for being ‘gross’ and dating a 17 year old when I had only just turned 18 (we were both 17 when the relationship started). I have never been able to interact with younger people without being disliked or bullied for my interests and how I am as a person (who visibly has AuDHD with my strong stims and characteristics), but whenever I had talked to adults they were more patient and understanding of me? I felt more safe and comfortable interacting with the adults.

These adults then gave me the idea to go 18+ to interact, since they were the same just because they wanted to talk about things more in depth on their topics of interest without censorship, topics of which would include criminology, psychology, ect which can pertain extremely sensitive subjects.

I liked this idea and I ran with it.

Now as for the suggestion channel;

the idea of the 18+ channels were originally suggested by other individuals in the chat, I had just given more reasons people may want them. I generally don’t care what people do for their servers, and all I do is give more positive and negative reasons for other people’s ideas rather than suggest my own.

I had being very much in a joke tone the entire conversation in that suggestion thread forum thing, because I thought that’s what everyone did? Now I realise it was the wrong time to make jokes. The bridgeton joke was made because my friends who frequently read this blog made the joke on a post and had sent it in our group chat, so I had used it too as it seemed relevant to joke about at the time.

I only ever use TikTok brainrot as a joke, any of my friends could tell you this. I find using TikTok brain rot such as “womp womp” in serious conversations distracting and severely immature. Hense why I had the /j tone tag to the message, adding on, it was towards one of my friends.

When the chat mentioned Xil was a minor when joining smile demons, I had gotten worried because it was worded in a way that Xil was still currently a minor so I asked about it and expressed my discomfort. Then I had found that someone else in the chat was a minor, keep in mind my friends had told me to block any minors who initiate contact with me in chats for this server, so that’s exactly what I did.

My friend that was in chat asked me a question, to which I answered, “I enjoy banning people on the vrchat group I administrate in” and later clarifying that I enjoyed it because the members, mods, owners, other admins and I make a joke towards the trolls and minors we kick/ban from the group before taking that action.

this friend and I were visibly getting distracted with the talk about vrchat to I initiated to move to the supporter lounge, where I had been told to only talk in from other friends, that is when the mocking had started and I got extremely uncomfortable.

I do apologise for misinterpreting the situation and tone in the suggestion forum, I severely struggle with tone in text, voice and facial expressions so I found it extremely hard to understand where people were coming from after I made a couple jokes and gave some positive and negative reasons to a suggestion made by someone else.

However, I will not be rejoining as this species clearly has no improvements happening in it. And it’s not just staffs fault.

if you guys as members want improvement so badly, improve how you treat each other, the staff and change how you all act towards everything.

And here is all the screenshots with context, instead of the ones the blog got that took everything out of context,

post related

alright im gonna try to be more gentle in this post

so first of all the “cutting out context,” in my original post i was trying to lean into the “alpha with a cold heart” motif with saying you were “striking fear into the heart of the 17 year old you were talking fine with 5 minutes ago.” it was meant to be a joke, i dont actually think you were trying to intimidate a 17 year old. in addition to that, since it was a joke, i really didnt think the fact you were talking to cat specifically was some big crazy detail that flipped the narrative on its head, it was something incredibly minute and had no effect on the general convo in my opinion. but if you see it differently then my bad.

one of your friends actually came into my dms yesterday to beat me over the head with this and try to say im “twisting the narrative,” i wasnt even able to reply because they deleted their acc after

i really did not think it was that heinous of a crime and that it was THAT important that you were talking directly to cat, the bigger point is was making was that it comes off as you were showing off and trying to be the rick friend by saying its fun to block minors.

another issue i have with your statements is that, if you supposedly knew little to nothing about the terra server because you only hung around in supporter lounge, why would you try to speak like an authority when saying that youve seen more adults than minors in the server? im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say you probably dont know a lot about the community of terras, but the fact is an 18+ channel even if sfw just isnt something that should be there. if you really want an 18+ community then you need to look in other places instead of trying to put one up in terras. its a “time and place” thing, terras definitely isnt the place and if you want to talk about the topics you gave without having to interact with minors then respectfully go somewhere else

and finally as for your actual reasoning with blocking all minors, im gonna say it seems like you went from one terminally online community to another. (if you dont know what terminally online means, im referring to people who are so deep in their own internet bubble that they lose touch with reality and spew opinions that no rational human would believe.) nobody in the real world would care at all that you were 18 dating a 17 year old, most people online dont even care about that, and it seems like the community you were in was just really toxic regardless of whether they were minors or not. it seems to me like after that you really jumped wayy to the opposite extreme and went on the “i will never ever speak to minors again ever” which is a terrible approach. you can have normal conversations with minors without it being weird, most people whos brains arent completely rotted by the internet take no issue with someone having a causal conversation with someone below the age of 18. for example, when i was 16 i worked at a job where most of the other employees were middle aged or older, and it was perfectly fine. they talked to me like i was a normal person and it was never weird, nobody ever came up and screamed that its weird and creepy

heres my genuine advice for you, i think you need to go outside more and talk to people in the real world. genuinely. not in a “omg ur so weird go touch grass way,” it seems like you are a person who is extremely susceptible to the opinions of whatever group youre in, and people in the real world would never actually have an issue with the things youve said. nobody with sense would care about a 17 year old being in a relationship with an 18 year old, nobody would care that an adult is having a normal conversation with a minor, and nobody would care especially considering that youre only 19. most people in the real world see 19 year olds as just a step above high schoolers in terms of maturity and behavior, you dont need to police yourself in the extreme way you do currently. it seems like being in these really incredibly online spaces has surrounded you with people who dont have your best interest in mind and have a really warped view on reality. try to go easier on yourself, you will be fine if you just talk normally to minors, and any rational person will never see an issue with it.

[thevoidstaredback]

CW: Mentions/Implications of Transphobia, Religion, Aphobia

I do end up telling at everyone, btw. I'm a bit pissed off near the end.

I'm a bit pissed off still...

I think the main reason I haven't come out to my parents as AroAce is because they're both very conservative Christans (LDS). They grew up that way, and they raised me that way. While they're open minded about a lot of things, they're close minded about a lot of things, too.

Both are very family oriented, my mother moreso than my father. They both want me and my sisters to get married and have kids and I don't know how to break it to them that I don't want that.

I've tried telling them without coming out. "The best I can offer are cats." or "I'm not interested in relationships." or the one I've been saying since I was in my single digits "I'm gonna be the crazy cat lady. I can't do that if I have other people I have to take care of."

(Honestly, that last one shoulda been my first clue. How the hell did I not know until senior year of hs?)

Both parents have brushed me off or ignored me completely. On several occasions. My aunts have all done the same. Some friends have done the same. All with varying excuses that I've already mentioned here before (and on TilTok).

I think the worst part is that they're both a bit transphobic, my father moreso than my mother. Mom is a bit more open minded (at least that I've noticed). She's a bit confused, but does her best to understand. Dad is a lot less so. He's actively watching things that are transphobic in nature or in passing, though I think he's realized that shit makes me uncomfortable, so he doesn't listen to it when I'm around. Only when he thinks I can't hear. (Doesn't work very well. I've got crazy good hearing and he watches with his speakers on full blast)

I'm not trans, but I have friends who are. My thought process is, if they can't accept that people are sometimes born in the wrong body, how will they ever accept someone stepping way back from what they were raised on?

Okay, I know those two things probably to connect in the way that I'm trying to convey, but I- I don't know how to explain it?

How do I convince people that I don't fall into the norms they were raised in when they can't even accept the norms that have been since the time of gods?

Does that make better sense?

The Queer Community has been around since humans started to walk the Earth. How does one explain this to people without things going to absolute shit?

I think I've gotten a bit off topic...

How does one tell their parents (who have been dreaming about their children having children to the point of "cursing" us with triplets) that getting married or having kids is not in their plans?

How does one get past the years of (what I can only label some kind of manipulation attempts) convincing that having kids and getting married will be the best thing to ever happen?

As I'm sure my fellow Aspecs can relate or attest to, it's extremely hard to tell a heteronormative society that you don't quite fall in with them. It's equally as hard to tell s homonormative group that you don't quite fit in with them, either.

On all sides, we're being pushed and pulled to fall in love and have families and have romances and have sex and all of these things! I think the reason we (at least from what little I've seen) feel so lonely is because we have little to no support. People on all sides are telling us we're wrong. People who are supposed to be on our team are telling us we're wrong.

Do you know how much that hurts?

Straight friends, gay friends, trans friends, queer friends, even fellow Aspecs have all told me some version of "You just haven't met your perfect person yet."

Fuck you.

Fuck whoever has ever said that in their life.

Fuck whoever has said that to someone who trusted them.

That line, and any line like it, is harmful.

I'm sorry you can't look past your rose coloured glasses to see the world. I'm sorry you can't pull your head outta your partner's(s) ass long enough to realize that not everyone is like you.

Yeah, I'm yelling at all of you. No discrimination here.

....

I really did go off topic...

I guess I really needed all that off my chest...

Regardless, I don't take any of it back.

[mindfulteenconnections]

Social Anxiety

There’s a difference between being shy or introverted and having social anxiety. I like to say I have all three lol. Social anxiety is feeling anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others. Like having to present a presentation by yourself or having to talk to strangers when your parents make you set up appointments yourself😭. Sometimes having fear of eating in front of people can be considered social anxiety. I have it bad like bad bad. I talk to no one I go through school only speaking if I have to other than that I talk to nobody. To the point where I don’t use the bathroom cause I’m too scared to ask. To the point I will get zeros on group projects because I just don’t want to work with people.Sometimes I have social anxiety with people I’m close with. Like sometimes in family gatherings I’m kind of in the corner on my phone.

Social Awkwardness

I like friends so I thought this was funny. Sometimes it’s a mixture of anxiety and awkwardness. Being socially awkward is feeling uncomfortable and out of place in social situations. Most of the time you overthink and go over situations over and over in your head. I recently got my first job and when my co- workers talk to me I usually just smile or laugh cause I don’t know what else to do in those situations. Sometimes being socially awkward is a good thing. Your more aware and observant of your surroundings. One of the ways I try to overcome my social awkwardness is by focusing more on what the person is saying and asking questions related to the topic.

Introversion

I can also be considered introverted. I don’t go out much I’m more of a texter than a caller. I love being alone but don’t like feeling lonely which is kind of weird to understand. I have a very thin social energy level after 15 minutes I’m ready to go home lol. Like I mentioned before I don’t like working in groups I prefer to be by myself. Introverts more focus on what’s within. They are happy being with their thought and ideas although sometimes they get crazy. There are also different types of introverts. Some introverts like to be extroverts too. These people like being around others but sometimes need to be by themselves to recharge.

Shy

Now being a shy person is different but not much different from pretty much all three. Why people may have extroverted personalities they just like to feel out the conversation first. People who are shy might be shaky or speechless around certain people. There isn’t a real science on why people are shy just that some are and others aren’t with all these different concepts of “ feeling uncomfortable around people” being shy is probably the easiest to understand. Am I the only one who literally has no friends? Ik it sounds pathetic but I’m actually at peace with it. Any one else feel like that maybe we can be friends lol.

This is my chill mix and it usually helps me in the cases I literally have to do a group project.

Sources

[polyamorous-selfinserts]

directory + faq

organizing my blog a little bit <3

faq

q: why don't you like being reffered to with pronouns?

a: i don't like being referred to as anything other than my name (charlie) and i perceive pronouns as just another name. it's not a super big deal, but you'll see in my writing i refer to myself with she/her pronouns. this isn't because i'm comfortable with them, but because i'm neurotic and need my writing to be as realistic as possible, and i know most people perceive me as a girl

--

q: are you comfortable sharing your f/o's?

a: yes, totally!

--

q: why do you sometimes post canon x canon ships?

a: a lot of my f/o's are in canon x canon relationships, and i love to support them in that ! just because they love me doesn't mean they can't love other people <3

--

q: why are some of your s/i underage? (tw: mentions of csa)

a: i started self shipping when i was very young, and only got into the community when i was ~15. alot of my ship dynamics are very dear to me, and a way of my self dealing with my sexual abuse as a child. this isn't a reflection of what i think my f/o's would actually do: none of them are p3dos and i don't want them to be read like that, but self shipping was a way for me to take control of relationships dynamics i had been forced into irl. i keep them underage even though im an adult now because i sometimes still feel like that child. you'll notice that most self inserts are in current canon around my age, but there are some exceptions. i understand if this makes u uncomfortable, you don't have to engage if you don't want to.

related q: are you a proshipper?

a: no, i'm not. my situation is very personal and i almost never post about it explicitly. i am living out fantasies of myself being the victim of csa where i have control, and i'm not subjecting any 'fictional child' onto those fantasies. i don't self ship with any children since i've turned 18. i wouldn't call myself an 'anti' because the topic is very triggering for me so i try not to engage with it at all, but i don't align with proshippers and will almost never post about the topic. i totally understand if you choose not to interact with me on this basis as it may be uncomfortable especially to other victims of csa who want to leave it entirely behind them.

--

submit any other questions you have and i'll answer the best i can ! no question is too dumb, i promise, don't be afraid to ask i love taking about anything.

directory

aesthetic/vibe tag: #charliecore🔪

nsft/18+: #horndog central

f/o tags

(most frequently used)

gerry keay - #f/o: you’re dead and i’m punching eldritch gods

wade wilson and vanessa carlysle - #f/o: 3 piece puzzle

jason todd - #f/o: we're dying to feel something

dabi - #f/o: keep me warm in these concrete walls

spencer reid - #f/o: hyperfixate on me baby

s/i tags

the witcher - #s/i: khar the green witch✨🌿

bnha - #s/i: bloody riot 🦷🩸

marvel: #s/i: kid universe🌌🌟

lotr: #s/i: victim of faenapping🧚🏻‍♂️🪺

[adoringhaikyuu]

you flinch during an argument with them

characters: kageyama, kuroo, ushijima, (gn!reader)

request: i was wondering if you could do a reaction with kageyama, ushijima and kuroo “when their s/o flinches during an argument” but if that makes you uncomfortable in anyway please feel free to ignore this !!! • by anonymous

warnings: mentions/hints of abuse (bc of the flinching but nothing physical or abusive actually happens) + a hint of angst i suppose

notes: thank u for being so sweet w ur request !! don’t worry it’s ok but this may be an uncomfortable topic/idea for some people so pls keep that in mind if u read this !! <3

part one | part two

kageyama:

let’s say this boy is stressed

he didn’t have a good practice today, he and hinata couldn’t get their quick attack right

and he couldn’t get his milk––

overall 0/10 would recommend 

so it was kinda guaranteed that he would be in a pissy mood 

so when you were walking home, telling him about your day and you kept asking him about his (awful) day that he very much did not want to talk about

because he was disappointed in himself tbh :/

and you kept pushing him because you knew it wasn’t good for him to hold everything in...

he kinda snapped, telling you to drop it

unfortunately you weren’t expecting his outburst or for the volume of his voice to triple

you stopped walking and flinched, shocked by literally everything that was happening rn

kageyama stopped walking as well, basically panting as he looked at you, eyes wide––in fear, honestly. he never yelled at you and he never wanted to. “i––uh––” he stuttered, blinking quickly at you, his cheeks flushed, pupils shaky.

you sighed, a bit hurt, but you knew he was probably stressed since he was always working himself too hard. “tobio...” he looked down in shame at your soft tone that he definitely did not deserve, in his mind. “i’m only trying to help, you know. you shouldn’t shut me out.”

he opened his mouth but quickly shut it, not knowing how to respond. but he lifted his head in shock when he felt you wrap your arms around him. 

“i’m guessing you had a bad day today?” you asked gently. he didn’t answer for a few seconds, but when you heard him take a shaky inhale, you raised your head to look at him, feeling your insides twist when you noticed the tears falling down his cheeks.

you took your arms away to wipe his cheeks but yelped when he quickly trapped your arms, pulling you into a crushing hug. “no!–i––i’m sorry. but please, don’t let go.” his voice was quiet, vulnerable.

“okay.” you wrapped your arms around him as best you could in your position and he visibly melted in your hold. “i’m here, okay?” he nodded, letting out a few quiet sobs. “i’m not going anywhere.” 

he held you tighter and closed his eyes, not even caring that you were still in public. “thank you.” 

kuroo:

we know that kuroo is v laid back

which means when he’s mad, it’s not too bad

but that doesn’t mean you want to willingly get into an argument with him––

he doesn’t shout, but his voice is stern and loses it’s playful charm––and that’s almost scarier

now the argument wasn’t too intense, but you still didn’t like the way his stare had hardened, his stance tensed, his jaw clenched and his arms crossed together, almost like a barrier shutting you out

you were just getting very frustrated, you wanted to climb into his arms again but you two were already stressed out and all of this pent up energy was pouring out of you, fueling the fire

you felt very aware of your surrounding, on very high alert

and kuroo was just about done with this fight, just wanting to go to bed and put this behind you

so he sighed and raised his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, about to end this when you flinched––

maybe the abrupt movement shocked you, you honestly weren’t sure

he immediately paused and you could see the fear and confusion register through his body as he watched you, his arms slowly falling to his sides. a harsh silence overcame the two of you for a moment. you didn’t...you didn’t think he was going to...did you? 

“babe––?” he stepped towards you slowly, not wanting to make a wrong move even though he was probably more frightened than you were.

honestly you weren’t scared at all, if anything just confused. you stared up at him, eyes wide, lips parted. “i...” you swallowed harshly. “i’m sorry i don’t...i don’t know why i did that.” you knew that he would never hit you, but you were just so strung up, too overwhelmed that you weren’t functioning properly.

kuroo held his hands out hesitantly, “is it...is it okay if i hold you?” 

you nodded, biting your lip nervously, your eyes tearing up slightly. “please.” he immediately wrapped you gently in his arms and squeezed you tight.

he kissed your head and stayed with his lips pressed against you for a few seconds before speaking up. “you...you know i would never––right?”

you tilted your head back to look at him, your hands gripping at the back of his shirt. “i know––i know tetsu.” 

he looked down at you with glassy eyes and gave you a small relieved smile. “okay.” he kissed your nose and leaned down to tuck his head in your shoulder, arms still wrapped around you. his voice was small as he mumbled into your sweater. “i’m so sorry kitten. this fight was stupid anyway. can we please go cuddle? just wanna hold you.” 

you nodded, smiling, relieved to be putting this behind you. “of course.” 

ushijima:

ushijima didn’t like to say that you had arguments

he preferred to say that you had a few...frustrating or tense conversations every now and then that you always solved in the end, strengthening your bond and your relationship

but tbh they were very rare

well this was one of these rare moments...

let’s say you were having a tense conversation as he was cleaning up after practice, you walking behind him as he picked up stray balls

so he was already wound up and in need of a soothing shower which didn’t help the conversation at all

and he was honestly trying to end it as soon as possible

not because he didn’t respect you or what you had to say, but because he didn’t like arguing with you

but sometimes he just doesn’t exactly communicate things well

so when he turns abruptly and stares at you blankly, saying a simple but firm “enough.” 

you flinch and take a small step back

he just looked so intimidating and you honestly weren’t expecting him to stop walking that fast so that mostly surprised you too

ushijima stopped as well, the shock and confusion clear in the way his mouth dropped open and his eyes widened a fraction. his expressions weren’t exactly obvious, but to you, they were clear as day.

he paused for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. “i––i didn’t mean to frighten you. i’m sorry.” he swallowed and tentatively reached for your hand, after checking that you were okay with it. “i only meant that i don’t want continue this conversation like this. it’s only stressing us out and i don’t want you to feel that way. not because of me.” 

you bit your lip sheepishly as you looked up at his hand holding yours firmly, understanding and appreciating his reasoning. you looked up at him and gave him a small smile. “it’s okay, i understand. and you didn’t scare me toshi––”

he squeezed your hand and looked into your eyes deeply. “please don’t lie for my sake.”

you shook your head and stepped closer to him, taking his other hand as well. “i promise, toshi. i know i have no reason to be afraid of you.” 

he nodded once but you could tell it might take him a little while longer to really believe you. 

“let’s go home, okay? we can order some food and watch that new documentary you were waiting for.”

he nodded again, grateful and relieved. “please.” 

[eldritch-spouse]

I have a feeling this was asked before, but how would Breg handle an asexual/aromantic S/O? Like, they are not sex repulsed, just... really not horny, ever.

[Divine comedy at its finest, creepy horndog falls in love with least horny person on the planet...]

(Minors dni)

Breg with an asexual/aromantic obsession

Quite unfortunate, really. Especially because Breg has no idea what those terms mean or that people with no interest in sex or romance even exist. He's been learning a lot of terminology, he finally understands what words like "gay" and "bi" and whatnot refer to, but those two you just mentioned? Doesn't have a clue. If you told him what an asexual was, Breg would probably laugh and tell you that was a very funny joke- And then promptly get a slap across the face. Quite deserved;

Once again, a conversation needs to happen here. And it will take quite some time before Breg grasps that asexuality is real and valid- Not because he's a dick about it, it's just that he doesn't know anything other than hypersexuality. It's mind-boggling for him to think that you sincerely don't have any sort of sexual impulse. Or at least not a significant one. This will make Breg feel extremely out of place, as he is the complete opposite of you in that regard. All his fantasies hit the drain as he realizes that this exacerbated part of his nature will only serve to drive you two apart, and Breg cannot stand the thought. Sexually active or not, Breg loves you, you're the perfect mate! The breeder will do anything to appease you, even if it means nullifying his own desires and needs;

First, I think Breg would try to hide his cravings from you. He'd avoid sexual topics or comments and generally be very chaste, but you can probably tell he's uncomfortable or holding himself back. Really, you will have to be the one to set boundaries here and directly tell the monster what he can and can't do. As a result of you never really wanting sex and Breg feeling like a huge inconvenience, the breeder will probably resort to getting himself off behind your back, and more frequently than usual too, since he's constantly around the object of his desires but can't really do anything about it (or so he assumes). He's going to die of shame if you ever catch him in the middle of this, and generally begin to resent his own sexuality. Why can't he be more like you? You'd love him more if he wasn't so needy, right? This type of unhealthy thought might culminate in Breg seriously considering castrating himself. You heard me right, the breeder would castrate himself for you. Which is amazing when you consider that breeders are very scared of sexual dysfunction. Please sit this idiot down again and tell him to not maim himself;

If you're willing to have sex for Breg's sake alone, then I think he would genuinely burst with adoration for you. Putting yourself through something so intimate that doesn't interest you at all just for him is a huge display of trust and love and Breg will always do his best to repay you for the attention. Perhaps the good part about doing this is that you don't have to be very involved if you don't want to. Breg can get off just fine as long as you're part of it, somehow;

Breg's view on aromantic people is already not as pleasant. What do you mean you don't want romantic relationships? Are you actually serious? Can't grasp it, he just can't. The monster refuses to accept it. He won't settle for being your friend. He needs to be your lover, he needs to be in a relationship with you even if you're incapable of loving him back- Which he refuses to acknowledge. You love him, of course you do. I'm going to be honest here, Breg will enter complete delusion and constantly invalidate this part of you. He feels like your attitude is the result of emotional harm done to you rather than a natural disposition. He wants to "fix you". And that won't end well. If you deny his romantic advances Breg will resort to sex to prove his love for you in a way that you may accept. If you're both asexual and aromantic, I'm sorry to say but you're shit out of luck with Breg. He will never force sex but he will force romance;

For asexuals, Breg probably works on restraining himself when his heat is starting, preferably someplace away from you. There's no telling this will actually work out well though.

[ijustwant2write]

A Secret Romantic-Benedict Bridgerton x Reader x Eloise Bridgerton (Platonic) (Part 2)

(GIF credit to @elenawinchstr)

Part 1

Masterlist

Tags: @marvel-ousnesss @myficplace @yelenas-lova @lavxnder @s-unflowxr 

Summary: Benedict and Eloise both anticipate Lady (Y/N)’s social event, as does their mother, causing tensions to rise and panic to ensue. Benedict doesn’t want his mother ruining what he may have with (Y/N), asking Eloise for her help, who gladly plays the role of a good sister.

Characters: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader, Eloise Bridgerton x Reader (platonic), mentions of Anthony Bridgerton and Violet Bridgerton

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, fluff

                                   *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Benedict hastily moved around the house, avoiding his mama at all costs. She called out his name repeatedly, growing frustrated at his childish manner. He was supposed to discuss a plan with her about how he should prepare to court Lady (Y/N), but he knew better; his mama knew nothing of (Y/N) (he admitted, he still had much to learn about her too), and he didn’t want his chance to slip away. Although he was confident at her house when he called upon her, there was a sickening doubt looming in his mind that if he did anything wrong, another suitor could easily take his place.

“You have no where else to hide brother.” Anthony smirked, his eyes skimming over the top of his newspaper.

Benedict sighed, accepting defeat. She would find him in a matter of minutes, especially since Anthony’s office was the last place she would look. 

“Please, just let me stay her for a few moments.” Benedict begged.

Anthony chuckled, putting down the papers as he reclined in his chair.“Oh dear, I see things are turning serious quite quickly.”

“Yes, which wouldn’t be a problem if mama wasn’t making this such a big ordeal.”

“But it is to her.”

Benedict knew this.“I know that, because someone hasn’t found a woman to marry, so it then falls onto my shoulders.”

“I haven’t seen you so anxious before. Sit down, try to relax.”

Benedict took his offer, practically collapsing into the chair on the other side of the desk. Anthony stood, pouring out a drink each and handing one to Benedict. Though not one to drink in the early afternoon, he gladly sipped at it, wishing he would just calm down.

“Besides mama, what is going on in that head of yours?” Anthony asked. 

He genuinely wanted to help. He felt a slight guilt knowing that his mama was more excited about this possible partnership, seeing as he never gave her the satisfaction of even socialising with women. 

“I worry that I may not be enough for (Y/N).” he said.“Of course, I have talked to women, I know the right things to say, but I also know that I will not want to engage in further conversation. Whereas with (Y/N), she intrigues me, so much that even after we danced and talked for hours, I still felt like I hardly spent any time with her. I thought about every word I said, listened intently to everything that poured out of her mouth. There are no other women like her.”

Anthony didn’t speak for a few seconds.“You should write poems alongside your art work.”

Benedict groaned, about to stand when Anthony stopped him.

“I am teasing you brother. Look, it’s extremely obvious that you have fallen for this woman. Putting feelings aside for a moment, she also comes from a well off family with a respectable background, so you’ve done very well in that department. This art exhibition will allow me to also see what Lady (Y/N) and her family are like, as well as keep mama away from you both as much as I can.”

“You would do that for me?”

“You seem shocked. I will pretend not to be offended.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I know that you too do not like to be....bothered by mama at these events. No doubt she’ll talk to you about my potential courtship all night.”

The door opened as he finished speaking, Violet popping her head in. Her smile widened when she saw both her sons in the same room, now able to speak with them both about Lady (Y/N). Anthony and Benedict shared a look, knowing they would be there for some time.

Elsewhere in the house, Eloise was suffering through a conversation with Hyacinth. As Daphne had to endure, Hyacinth was questioning her older sister, wanting to know everything there was to know about the balls they attended. She wanted to make sure she had all the knowledge she needed when it was her turn to debut. They never spoke of these things in front of her or Gregory and she wanted all the answers. However, Eloise was not revealing anything, and making it seems that everything to do with debuting was awful.

“Go away and pester somebody else.” Eloise huffed as she descended the stairs away from her sister.

“Why are you always so mean to me? I’m just asking questions!” Hyacinth protested.

Eloise felt guilty, especially since Hyacinth was still young and didn’t understand many things about the world yet.“I’m sorry, but I’m not the best person to ask these questions.”

“Why don’t you want to get married?”

“If I explain, you won’t understand.”

“Yes I will!”

“You won’t Hyacinth.”

“You’re so mean!”

The young girl stomped off, having a tantrum to herself. Eloise did feel bad for being so snappy with her sister, but she really didn’t like talking about these things, doing all she could to avoid it where possible. It just made her feel miserable. And who wants to dote on a topic that eliminates all happiness from them?

However, Eloise did find that she was excited about the art exhibition. She was curious as to how (Y/N) and her brother’s encounter would go. For a moment, she felt like her mama. It sent shudders down her spine. It was nice to have the pressure and attention off of her, and to see her brothers in the spotlight. She knew too many friends with brothers who had it easier than the women of the family. Of course they had certain expectations, but Eloise did not see any men parading around in uncomfortable, tight dresses, with over the top embellishments and feathers. 

The remaining days leading up to the art exhibition were filled with dress and suit fittings, lessons on the (Y/L/N) family, and making sure everyone knew how important this day could be. Benedict grew more and more nervous as it approached, his mama making him realise that this could be a turning point in his life. Before this was all about him being excited to see (Y/N), to be in her company again, now it was as if he was proposing to her.

Eloise stepped out into the garden, welcoming the warmth that was still lingering at this time of night. She couldn’t sleep, knowing what was on her mind, but not wanting to admit it. She wasn’t surprised to see Benedict already on the swing set, secretly smoking as they had both done before. A small smile appeared on her face as she approached him, making sure to create some sort of noise as to not startle him.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one being kept awake.” she said as she sat down.

“I haven’t even tried to sleep yet.” Benedict said before inhaling through his cigarette again.

“Is someone nervous?” she wasn’t teasing him, she was concerned.

“Yes.” he surprisingly said.“I’m nervous because mother has made me believe everything is depending on this next meeting. Yet she forgets how long Daphne took to decide who she was marrying.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous.”

“And why is that?”

“Because (Y/N) likes you.” 

Benedict chuckled."Ah, I forgot you were the expert on such topics."

"I may not know a lot about...feelings and love, but I am not a fool. I saw the way your eyes lit up when you first saw her. (Y/N) was practically speechless too. But not like the other women who fawn over the Bridgerton name, she actually liked you for your face, for some reason. I don't know, it just seemed that there was something natural between you."

"Eloise Bridgerton, what a doting thing to say."

"I am trying to be nice to you brother."

"I know. And I appreciate it, but...I feel at ease with (Y/N), and I don't like the thought of mother's eyes burning into the back of my head. Anthony has said that he will do what he can to help, but I fear that mother will not be totally distracted by him. She’ll know his sudden interest will be fake.”

Eloise had an idea, and even if she didn’t want to go through with it, she knew it would help Benedict.“I will regret saying this, but I shall help too. I will make sure mama is paying attention to me, I’ll let her drag me around and indulge in hideously, dull conversations.”

Benedict had been shocked for the second time that day. Two of his siblings, both detesting the thought of marriage, had offered to suffer through this social event in order to give him time with (Y/N).

“What has happened to you two today?” Benedict asked.

“We are merely being charitable. Hopefully you return the favour in future. God knows I’ll be in need of saving soon.”

(Y/N) was all a flutter on the morning of the exhibition. Her mother had bought a new dress just for this, wanting to impress the Bridgerton family, prepping their halls and rooms for the exhibition for the last week. (Y/N)’s father was proud of what he had created, and that his daughter may be on her way to marrying a family who were held highly in their society. (Y/N) couldn’t focus at all, relieved that her maids were the ones in charge of getting her dressed and ready for the day; if left to her own devices, she surely would have put her dress on backwards. 

Guests streamed in, but (Y/N) was only on the lookout for one person. She remained polite, trying to stay in the moment as more and more people arrived. However, she still kept an eye out for Benedict, also staying on her toes. She had many things in mind to say to him, and she wanted to keep them in her mind. There was no way she was going to humiliate herself. 

Her heart started beating a thousand times faster when she saw Benedict enter the main hall, the one holding the biggest and most expensive pieces of art. She smiled, and somehow it grew even bigger when he made eye contact with him. His smile was so sweet, it made you fall for his charms even more. Benedict felt his stomach twist in anticipation, desperate to have just a few moments with (Y/N). Alas, that did not come when his mama latched onto his arm, steering him in (Y/N)’s direction. Although he wanted to speak with her, he found it all rather forceful, especially when (Y/N)’s parents suddenly appeared behind her.

Formal introductions were made, each set of parents making small talk about the last time they were in each others company. (Y/N) and Benedict were silent, nodding along with what was being said as they sneaked glances at each other. The conversation was dragging for them, they knew their parents wanted to figure out if this could be a potential arrangement. It didn’t seem that they were going to stop talking at any point, neither child wanting to be rude, until Eloise intruded.

“Pardon me,” she started, sending a subtle smile to Benedict,“mama, I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“Ah, another Bridgerton. The next daughter to find a suitor, I presume?” (Y/N)’s mother beamed.

Eloise hid the urge to frown. Luckily her mother stepped in.“Yes, this is Eloise. I’m sorry darling, I did not mean to leave you stranded.”

“Yes, well, shall we?” Eloise tugged at her mother’s arm.

“Alright dear. It was lovely to see you both again.” 

As Violet eagerly followed Eloise, (Y/N)’s parents also dispersed. Benedict and (Y/N) were now finally together, just as they had wished; so why did it suddenly feel awkward?

“Well, that seemed to easy.” Benedict cleared his throat.

“What was?” (Y/N) asked.

“Getting rid of them.” he grinned, holding out his arm.

(Y/N) smiled back, happy to hold onto him.“I was trying to come up with something to say that would not be rude, but would also mean we could leave. I hope that it wasn’t obvious I wanted to leave.”

“Even if it was, I doubt they would care too much. We both know they are over excited.”

“Oh how right you are. I’m assuming your mother has been acting the same as mine this whole week?”

“Overbearing? Overthinking? Over-”

(Y/N) giggled.“Yes, yes, I do not wish to dote on the memory. I am happy that you are here though Benedict.”

“You are?”

“I am.”

The pair’s arms stayed linked as (Y/N) guided Benedict around the art work. Sometimes they joined other conversations, though liked to keep to themselves. It was easy to bond over artwork, especially since it was a passion both of them had. There were no pauses or silences after a few minutes of talking, conversation flowed naturally between them. Men and women also searching for suitors were jealous; a Bridgerton boy had been swept up all too quickly and (Y/N) had been a popular choice amongst the men. However, people could not deny they made a fitting pair.

"Come, let me show you something." (Y/N) muttered to Benedict, easily slipping away from the crowds and leaving the room.

"We really shouldn't be alone (Y/N)." Benedict said, even though this was all he had been wanting.

(Y/N) had a cheeky smile on her face as she tugged on his arm, her steps gradually getting quicker. Benedict didn't even take in her elaborate house, only looking at her beautiful face every time she glanced up at him. They stopped before two grand doors, which (Y/N) cautiously opened, slipping inside with Benedict close behind her.

In the middle of the room was a huge painting covered by a fine piece of cloth. Benedict was confused why (Y/N) brought him to this, until she let go of his hand (him instantly missing the feeling), and theatrically pulled the piece of fabric down. Benedict's jaw dropped as the piece was revealed. He had never seen a painting like it.

It was a large, landscape painting of a ballroom. It captured dancing pairs in the middle of some sort of waltz, musicians huddled in the corner whilst the other guests stood watching; and it was so intricate, Benedict guessed it must have taken the artist months to complete it. All the colours, the detail, it almost looked real.

"This is amazing." he breathed out.

(Y/N) was happy when she saw Benedict's shock."Isn't it? It's supposed to be revealed later, but I wanted to see your expression properly."

"Who painted it?"

"I don't know. Father said he is going to inform everyone later, but it is a new artist. I just think they're work is dazzling to look at. I become mesmerised."

Benedict's focus changed back to (Y/N)."Yes, that does tend to happen."

She didn't notice that he was referring to her, nodding along in agreement. Her smile faltered slightly, which Benedict was able to see immediately.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he neared her, hating the gap that was created

(Y/N) covered her slip up, as her mother had told her."I'm sorry, it's really nothing..." she started, but found herself relaxed, and wanting to tell Benedict all her problems."It's only that...I used to paint frequently, well, I sketched more, though I enjoyed both. Like all girls, my mother told me to stop that and focus on becoming the most desired lady in society. I shouldn't have even told you about that when we first met."

"That's what made me desire you (Y/N)."

She blushed, realising how intense his gaze was."Oh, Lord Bridgerton-"

"What's with all the formalities all of a sudden?"

"I-I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything and it's only our second meeting. Third if you count when you called upon me."

"And I called upon you for a very good reason."

"I was wishing that everyone else would leave, so I could spend more time with you."

Benedict loved hearing her say that."As did I."

Subconsciously they had moved closer, though they both knew what they were doing. Benedict reached down to tenderly hold her hands, causing her heart to beat erratically. (Y/N) had no idea what to do, she only had experience from the books she read. It seemed simple enough to kiss someone, but also the hardest thing in the world. How much pressure should she apply? How long should they kiss for? Where would she put her hands? Where would he put his hands? She didn't have anytime to think as he was already leaning in towards her.

Eloise and Anthony were finding it extremely hard to keep the fake smiles plastered on their faces. Benedict was really in for it once this was all over. Their mama had kept a tight grip on them both, because as soon as they saw their chance to flee, they would. Both had to suffer through extremely long, boring and repetitive conversations, listening to parents boast about their children's achievements. Everyone knew how this worked, yet they all had to pretend to be happy about it.

"Where is Benedict? He's been away for a long time." their mama pondered as they took a break for refreshments.

"He's probably wooing Lady (Y/N), just as you wanted." Eloise slurped on her drink.

"Do not fret mother, he knows what he's doing. He truly likes her and will be doing all he can to...well, yes, woo her." Anthony said.

"I suppose you are right. It feels strange that one of my children are making an effort for once."

Eloise huffed."Oh, do not chastise us mama. We've been doing this all afternoon, haven't we?"

Violet squinted her eyes at them, suspicious that they were up to something. She was about to question it, but stopped herself. They were doing what she always wanted, finding someone to spend their future with. She wouldn't jeopardise that. Lucky for them, a servant announced that Lord (Y/L/N) requested for everyone's presence inside. The guests were intrigued, following orders and grabbing full glasses of whatever quenched their thirst. Eloise and Anthony had got away with their plan for now, they just hoped Benedict and (Y/N) had had enough time together. 

[ageofevermore]

Eighteen | T. Holland

Summary → you’re tired of feeling like the world silences you, but after an interview with sebastian and anthony, you start to wonder if maybe it’s your fault.

Warning(s) → mentions of anxiety, mentions of sexual harassment, mentions of inequality in gender roles, use of the word slut, fluff if you squint 

Word Count → 1.9k

Note → this is a heavier topic, one that might be personal to some. if you don’t think you can handle the subject matter, please don’t force yourself to. this is relatively watered down, but it doesn’t take a genius to see what’s not being said. the ending features boyfriend!tom consoling the reader, so it does end on a fluffy note, but don’t hold out for those few ending paragraphs. 

add yourself to my taglist 

It’s getting hotter in the interviews. A thin layer of sweat sparkles on your skin, and even though the air conditioning has been turned down multiple times, there are too many people in the room to feel any drastic differences. It’s unfortunate for you. Hot flashes are a lovely addition to your anxiety disorder, and press always sets your nerves ablaze. It doesn't matter what project you’re promoting, who you're partnered with, or what you're wearing-- you’re always hot. 

Your cheeks are flushed dangerously when the last interview before lunch is called for yourself, Sebastian, and Anthony. This is your first press tour as an adult. You joined the marvel franchise years ago, when being eighteen felt like the equivalent of turning thirty, and you weren’t blind to the changes of tone. People were harsher to you, more forward. If they weren’t shutting you up, they were hinting at something less then appropriate, usually something sexual. 

The next interview started with a short introduction to the media outlet, and your interviewer. He was middle aged, kind smile, salt and pepper hair. He asked for your names, then he told you his, and one by one he shook your hands. His grip on you was criminal, lasting longer than was comfortable. Sebastian and Anthony we’re oblivious to the few extra seconds of contact between you and him, but it made your skin crawl in a familiar discomfort. 

Your fingers curled into fists, heart high in your throat. The questions started out easy. They were mostly directed towards the boys, like always, but this time you couldn’t find yourself to be annoyed. You had dealt with handsy and sexually charged men before, but he set a fire beneath you. It wasn’t behavior you should tolerate, but being a woman in the industry, inappropriate touches and glances we’re easier ignored then dealt with. When you spoke up you caused drama, made headlines, attracted nasty social media comments that called you a whore. It was easier to just internalize. 

“Y/N.” 

You hummed, looking towards the call of your name. He was smiling sweetly at you again, a predatory glint in his eyes that put you on edge. You shifted your weight closer to Anothony unconsciously giving the hungry man your professional attention and a nod. 

He shuffles through his index cards, but his eyes don’t read the scripted questions his employers have supplied him with. It’s not often male interviews do their own research, usually they’re briefed by a colleague and handed a set of questions and topic point by a higher level employee, but this man doesn’t even read the card before he’s staring you down and opening his mouth. 

“You finally got the Stark suit update,” He says, motioning towards the promo poster that shows off your CGI suit in all of its edited glory. Although the actual costume is breathtaking, the computer effects give it an entirely different, more technologically charged, feel. 

“Yeah,” You nod, a forced smile on your lips as you try to ease the uncomfortable tension from your tone. “She’s finally--” 

He cuts you off before you can give him any explanation for the upgrade. He isn’t the first one to address your new wardrobe, but he’s the first one to leave you antsy and uncomfortable. Sebastian frowns when you’re cut off, but he doesn’t think much of it. He lets the man continue, though a professional sharpness pulls his grin into a scowl. 

“Were you able to wear undergarments underneath it? It’s tight, doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Was there ever a moment where you reflected how much your wardrobe has changed through the years?” He asks, a dirty grin on his lips. 

Sebastian and Anthony are shocked at the blunt, inappropriate construction of his question. The public eye knew nothing of your battles with body image, or health concerns that lead to surgery. Your mind was plagued with doubts and self-criticism, and his invasive, pervy question both infuriated you and broke you apart. 

You stutter to find an answer, heat overwhelming you. Your hand grips onto Anthony’s arm, and you can’t decide whether anger is what burns your skin or anxiety. Are you making a big deal of this? You don’t know. You feel like you have every right to feel violated and uncomfortable, but you’re a young woman in the entertainment industry, isn’t this the kind of ignorant commentary you signed up for? You don’t know anymore. You grew up with people always having an opinion on your appearance, sexualizing you as early as twelve. You’ve carried around pepper spray and  self-defense keychains long before you even had an understanding towards predatory men and sexual assault. You’ve been conditioned by the world and the media to carry on with your day, no matter the broken boundaries or disrespect. You’re tired of remaining silent, feeling like your less than your male counterparts. Women and men should hold no differing values in society, and yet you walk to your apartment with keys between your fingers and Tom doesn’t even lock his front door. 

“I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.” You choke out, voice hard and nowhere near the soft and frilly pitch it usually obtains. You’re livid, absolutely pissed to the point of a quivering cupids bow. You’re humiliated, and horrified. Your feelings are everywhere, but you remain as professional as you can. If you yell, try to defend yourself at all, you’ll be painted as a diva in every media outlet for the next week, subliminally inviting backlash and slut-shaming comments into your social media messages. If Sebastian and Anthony come to your defense, they’ll be sung high-praises. 

The double standards men and women are held to, especially in the industry, is infuriating. 

He stumbles out a response, but his time is already up. For the first time today, you’re thankful these interviews are only ten minutes. He leaves the room, shown out by security, and even then he still sends you a wink over his shoulder as if your glimmering eyes meant nothing. 

“Hey,” Sebastian's voice is soft, his hand on the small of your back. You flinch away from his contact, head heavy in memories you’d rather forget. 

“Sorry,” You mumble, voice trembling with tears that you refuse to let fall. You’ve already been humiliated, you don’t need to further paint yourself as some helpless teenage girl. “I’m sorry. I’m going to go find Tom.” 

Anthony and Sebastian nod tightly. They watch as you quiver in your heels, hands clenched into fists at your sides. They’re proud of the way you handled yourself, though still absolutely enraged that any adult would find it appropriate to address you like that, especially in a professional setting. 

You stumble into the dressing rooms, right into your boyfriend's chest. Your mind is racing, but the minute you attach yourself to him, you break down. Shy sobs break Tom’s heart. He holds the back of your head to his chest, other hand on the small of your back and wrapped around your waist as you cry. You’re trying to stay quiet, but the attention is already on you. Chris and Robert are worried, and Zoe’s trying to act like she hasn’t noticed, but they don’t all watch as you try to console yourself with your boyfriend's warmth. 

“What happened?” Tom’s voice is soft, trying to keep this a private moment. He tries to move the both of you back into a corner, but you panic and squeeze around his waist tighter. “Baby,” 

You and Tom have been dating for six months, and although you’ve shared with him stories of your traumatic experiences as a woman living in LA, he’s never seen anything upset you like this. 

“I’m such a slut.” Your words come out so shy and small, you aren’t even sure you can hear yourself. No matter how  many times you tell yourself that your makeup and clothes don’t give men permission to make passes or feel you up, it’s getting harder to believe that your verbal consent is as strong as your clothes. Maybe you are asking for it, and in a wave of nausea, disgusted with yourself, your arms leave Tom’s waist to pull at the bottom of your borrowed dress. 

You’ve been hit on in sweats before. In ball gowns and crop tops. Somebody’s even pushed themselves against you while you wore Tom’s hoodie, but you still convince yourself that it’s your fault. That you we’re asking for it. 

Tom’s jaw sets harshly into place, and he tilts your chin upwards to meet his eye. His brown stare is hard, only adding to your distress. Maybe he agrees. Maybe he’ll blame you for what just happened. He’s probably going to break up with you. Other guys just can’t keep their hands and eyes off of you. He doesn’t want a slut for a girlfriend. 

“What the fuck did you just say, Y/N?” His tone causes you to flinch, words bouncing off of the dressing room walls. Everyone flinches, hearing only his heavy response. You try to divert your attention, but Tom squeezes your jaw, forcing your eyes back on his. “Say it again.” 

“I’m such a slut.” You sniffle, submitting beneath his fiery glare. Tensions are high as you try not to break down again. Apart from Tom, everyone in the room has watched you grow up, never losing that shy and sweet sense of yourself. You’re an exuberant light, a brilliant scene partner, a rising star who has big things in store for the future. You are many things, but a slut, isn’t one of them. 

Tom looks behind you, glaring straight at Anthony and Sebastion who are both stone eyed and still. They’ve not calmed down any since leaving the production room, instead, it seems their anger has only risen. The sight of you so distraught churns their stomachs. 

“Some asshole tried to make a pass.” Sebastion said in short, words angry and delivered as such. 

Tom’s breath hitched, his arms tightening around you and pulling you closer to his chest. His chin digs into your crown, eyes pinches shut as his hot exhale feels heavy. 

“You aren’t a slut, Y/N.” He doesn’t leave any room for argument, but you try anyways. Tom has no patience for it, and so he tilts your head back and plants his lips against yours harshly and eagerly, desperate to show you love and intimacy. “You. Aren’t. A. Slut.”

You nod, ducking your head back down into his chest as you try to believe him-- try to remember that you never asked for hands around your waist, or cupping your boobs. Wolf whistles, or handshakes that turn into forced frontal hugs. You didn’t ask for any of the harassment, no matter the outfits you wore and what they revealed.  

Tom lowers his voice, whispers melting into your hair, “This isn’t your fault, baby. Please believe me. None of this, is your fault. It’s disgusting and inappropriate, and you don’t deserve to deal with any of it.” 

You sniffle. You can’t tell him you believe him, not yet. Not when your heart is so heavy. Maybe one day you’ll believe him, but that’s just not now. 

taglist (urls with a strike through won’t let my tag) →

@deionswannabegirl @killingbxys @mauvesdior @mischiefandi @dmonchld @waddlenut @tanakaslastbraincell @hollandsxheart @quacksonhehe @tothemoonandbackx3000 @stiles-o-dylan24 @tikapollak @tomthetease @spookybooisa @geminiparkers @teen--marvel @rogersparkerbarnes @sarcasticallywitty15

[christopherchantbang]

thank you for your essay and effort you put in it

i understand that my daydreams is hurting me was because i realised that i actually don't have any vivid memories about real life from my early teens but my daydreams, it's like i wasn't alive at all???

also, my realisation was provoked by my changed lifestyle - im in my early 20's, and maladaptive daydreaming visibly make me struggle in adulthood: it's hard to provide for yourself and your family members when you are slipping from reality every other moment because of many reasons (triggers).

Year ago i wasn't even aware about existence of maladaptive daydreaming as a thing. But when i notice my struggles i just simply did research by my symptoms. And found out that i have maladaptive daydreaming. After deep dive in theme i also found out that i don't know who I'm as a person, why I'm exist in this particular way, what my problems is, what my happiness is etc. I was feeling miserable, and honestly, still feel myself in that way. Six months ago i even lower myself to the point of selfagression, when i started hit my head because i failed prevent myself from slipping into daydreaming. Like, after noticing that I really don't live life, and my life actually not pleasant, slipping in daydreaming felted like betrayal, i didn't made my life any easier by daydreaming. Only worse.

There also many not good thing what i go through mentally/physically but i chosed make my life better. I don't punish myself anymore for daydreaming, i trying prevent myself from it every day from the start, from the middle of daydreaming, i trying understand myself in reality and in daydreaming equally. That's why I'm so fascinated that you bring to the topic Shadow work. I'm only started practicing Shadow work several months ago but i was really happy to make some progress after I managed detach myself from my daydreams and watch how am i doing in my daydreams. Because what i know very good about myself in my daydreams that i behave na express myself freely. Detachment and applying Shadow work on top of it was life changer. And also i appreciate the mention of destructive personality traits just because it's seems that people on the internet don't think that they are deserves to be mentioned at all but if you need deal with them in someone.

And also, just glad to see someone else who what to address and deal with the problems of maladaptive daydreaming, not just coping through memes and lacking in wish to stop it (I'm not judging, i myself started being interested in stopping only after changing lifestyle, and personal tiredness from that; just what to say that I don't really resonate with you guys). Thank you for the sharing your unpopular and uncomfortable opinion, it's meant for me a lot. //genuinely

P.S. this text can be full of mistakes and emotionally dry, and i apologise for this, due to not having English as my first language i still have problems with lack of my expressiveness in that language

my essay on maladaptive daydreaming

TW: probably unpopular and uncomfortable opinion from Jungian theory freak. Also mentions of personal trauma

You may or you may not know that maladaptive daydreaming is a psyche’s response to traumas, when a person’s psyche and subconscious (which are actually much smarter than we might think) understand that the consciousness, a.k.a Ego, has no psychoemotional strength to bare the impact caused by trauma. What psyche does in this case is preventing itself from complete collapse caused by burst of emotional pain. It can be so strong and severe that it could bring more emotional damage than trauma that’s already obtained. And saying that psyche is preventing itself from collapse, I mean that it does a very clever trick: it distracts Ego from reality (which is now all full of pain and suffering that psyche can not handle) to a ephemeral mental space. There, Ego can live it’s happy ever after life as if no trauma(s) ever happened; and that space, in fact, is a state maladaptive daydreaming itself.

Well of course I’m not trying to judge this trauma coping mechanism for this is not neither our fault nor our choice to be traumatised; I came from this myself. It may sound weird even, but the state of maladaptive daydreaming has its perks actually. It can be an inexhaustible source of inspiration for any kinds of arts; it’s a great thing to analyse while on therapy or self-reflecting (for example, it can point out the things that person carves in real life but somehow can’t have), it can be used in technique invented by Jung that’s called active imagination - very interesting thing, but thats a whole other topic. What I’m really trying to say that in long run, maladaptive daydreaming is plain DANGEROUS. It’s like having your limb broken, but instead of getting to the doctor’s office asap, you are constantly injecting a hefty dose of morphine so the said broken limb won’t hurt. Not only there’s a huge rick of becoming morphine addict but the state of a broken limb certainly will be worsening and worsening which you can’t feel while being on analgesic. Do you catch my drift?

For me, the biggest danger of maladaptive daydreaming is that you never get the opportunity to live your own life. While Ego (consciousness) is spending most of the time all head in the clouds, it has no chance to develop psyche’s full potential in real world. You can hide from all of the bad things (destructive personality traits, traumas to reflect on), but also you’re dumping things that are GOOD FOR YOU (your hidden talents, your opportunities to change improve yourself and the world around you). While all of that is you is banished to The Shadow (a mental space of subconscious that contains all of the stuff that Ego doesn’t want to see in itself), you just have nothing left of you, finding yourself in the endless void that your consciousness is now. Oh how many times I myself have realised that I actually never lived in the first place.

I repeat: I’M NOT TRYING TO ACT JUDGEMENTAL, but in my humble opinion, for the person’s sake, all of the bad things that psyche is hiding from Ego behind the facade of maladaptive daydreaming, should be taken out from The Shadow to be carefully studied and reflected on. Yes, it’s easier said than done; however, don’t try to blame me for paraphrasing the “you’re homeless? just buy a house then” bullshit. When I’m talking about taking your trauma from The Shadow to reflect on it and accept it - I’ve been there. Yes, it’s HARD. Unbearably painful, even. For a first few times when I “woke myself up” from the state of maladaptive daydreaming to ground myself in my own body, I’ve drowned myself in disgust and shame, thinking how this abomination of a person can’t be a real me, a “real” me who was all megalomanic in my daydreaming state. How many emotions and trauma this abomination is hiding in its body (yay, psychosomatic) (and also nota bene: I do have a narcissistic trauma, but NO NARCISSISTIC DISORDER. I’m officially diagnosed with bipolar if it matters). How I, a grown up woman, felt like a child again - a child that rejected herself because she didn’t and couldn’t bear a life of a weak and helpless being. A life where everybody is making laugh at her just for asking to fulfil her needs, where a helicopter mom thinks of this child like of her own property, a life, where this child MUST separate herself from the real world because it’s hurting her constantly.

Yes, unlocking all of those emotions and pain from your psychic Shadow and your body CAN AND WILL HURT. Psychoanalysts call this process re-traumatisation for a reason. But the release all of this horrendous stuff is necessary if you want to live your life for all of this stuff is YOU. Not all of you, of course, but that’s a part of you that you cannot escape forever. Moreover, acceptance of all that is really you is your bridge directly to The Self - an integrity of psyche and true knowledge on who you really are and what you’re capable of. And trust me - you are capable of much, much more than you might think.

Thank you if you’ve read this till the end, I’m more than grateful to you. I hope this essay was helpful or at least interesting to read. I love you. I believe in you and wish you nothing but all the best ❤️

[shihalyfie]

Regarding Konaka’s influence on Tamers (or how much he actually didn’t have)

(Rest assured that if you’ve had a conversation with me recently about this issue, I’m not vaguing you; this conversation has come up a lot in the last few weeks, especially in my private chats, so this is just me deciding that I should write something about this for once since it’s been weighing on my head lately.)

I think, right now, with what happened regarding the DigiFes debacle, a lot of people are having complicated feelings about how to feel about Tamers, and this is completely understandable. I think there are also some things that may be inevitably unavoidable, such as starting to second-guess certain nuances in the series and what they might lead to. All of that is perfectly reasonable, and in the end, it’s going to be up to everyone to decide how they feel.

In light of this, a lot of people have been bringing up the fact that, while Konaka was the head writer, he was by no means the only person working on it. This is very much true, but I’d like to add something else to the equation: this is an issue that goes much deeper than the usual claiming death of the author for the sake of sanity. The full picture is that Konaka has always had much less influence on the series than the fanbase tends to attribute to him. Official statements have been very clear as to not attribute the entire series to him, and, among all the other controversial statements he’s made, Konaka himself has at least been very active about crediting the other staff members as far as their influence on the series! The idea that he was the only person who ever did anything substantial for Tamers is something I’ve been warning against since long before any of this happened (if you want proof, I have a post from April with this sentiment in it), and right now we just happen to be seeing what’s basically the worst possible outcome of the fanbase constantly worshipping him like the only real creative heart behind the series to borderline cult-like levels...when that’s never been true, and has resulted in unfairly taking credit away from people who deserved it.

I’ll go into detail below, and I hope this can help people understand the situation better and sort out how they feel about it.

Note that I make references to his infamous blog in this post, which I’m deliberately refraining from directly linking for obvious reasons, but all of the information is still there, so it should be verifiable if you decide to look for it yourself.

Personally, I’ve always found it really bizarre how there’s been this obsession with portraying Konaka as some kind of auteur whom the entirety of Tamers depended on. I’m not saying this out of spite towards him, because, again, even he himself was very insistent on disclaiming credit for things he wasn’t actually responsible for (he was quite humble in this respect, actually). Not to mention that I think it’s a mistake in general to constantly pin a single person in a multi-person production as the sole heart behind it, and the Digimon fanbase has historically had this strange double standard behind it when it comes to uplifting him as the only heart behind Tamers when nobody says that about any of the head writers for...anything else. (How many times has Nishizono’s name ever popped up when talking about Adventure? People are usually more obsessed with talking about Kakudou or Seki.) Konaka’s work is certainly distinctive, but Tamers had a lot more going on besides just that.

In fact, based on his own statements on the matter and all of the other official information we’ve gotten about Tamers production, while you can’t really quantify such things, it’s generally been estimated that Konaka was responsible for something like only a fourth of the series. Which is an incredibly low amount compared to what the fanbase would have told you before all of this happened, because of this fixation that he must be the genius mastermind behind the whole series. Not only that, this “brilliant auteur” image of him was so inflated that people were attributing way more of 02 to him than he deserved; 02 episode 13 was the only thing he contributed to the series and he was specifically brought on as a “guest writer”, and the overall plot of the episode was determined by the rest of the production staff and not him -- but ask the fanbase and they’ll tell you stories about how he invented some grand planned arc for 02 that got cancelled, or even that Tamers exists because of a “writer revolt” from him and other writers not being allowed to do what they wanted. (You know, as much as I understand 02′s a controversial series, it would be really nice if people didn’t make up completely baseless stories like this just to scapegoat it...)

I honestly cannot emphasize enough how much of the problem we’re in right now has been horribly enabled by the weird pedestal the fanbase has been putting him on. This is to the point where there’s even been a double standard where some of the more unpopular/criticized elements of Tamers must not have been the fault of a brilliant writer like him, and in fact was forced on him by the executives (this excuse had always been brought up anytime someone doesn’t like something about Tamers, just to make sure the image of him as a perfect writer was maintained). Turns out, as per his own admission on the infamous blog, while he wasn’t the one who initially had the idea of putting Ryou in, the part that rubbed the fanbase the wrong way -- that he came in as an accomplished senior who was better than everyone and played up by everyone in the cast -- was unabashedly his idea (he apparently was enamored with the idea of having someone like Tuttle from the movie Brazil). Again, this is a weird scenario where even Konaka himself has been more humble about this issue than the fanbase’s perception of him; he fully admitted whenever he had trouble writing certain parts. For instance, he doesn’t actually like writing about alternate worlds, felt they were out of his comfort zone, and only wrote in the Digital World because the franchise needs one; he’d stated that if he’d had his way, the Digital World arc wouldn’t have come in as early as it did, which might be a pretty shocking statement for a Digimon fan to hear.

If you want even more specifics, here are some extremely major parts of the series that Konaka was not actually the one behind:

The character backgrounds. Konaka stated on his blog that he wasn’t interested in going too much into character backstories because he felt it was too plot-limiting to say that a character is the way they are thanks to something in their past or background (basically, he cares more about plot than character for the most part), and that he’s also not into worldbuilding. Certain things like Ruki going to a girls’ school were supplied by Seki, who infamously loves worldbuilding, family backgrounds, and character settings.

Certain nuances of Ruki’s character, especially the part where she’s pigeonholed into uncomfortable places due to being a girl, were informed by Yoshimura Genki, writer from Adventure and one of the head writers of 02 (who eventually would go on to create an entire career out of feminist cinema).

According to the posts on his blog, Impmon’s character arc didn’t have much input from Konaka himself and was largely written in by Maekawa Atsushi (also a writer from Adventure and one of the head writers of 02).

The whole concept of Yamaki being redeemable in the first place was something Konaka didn’t originally plan for; he’d initially intended to make him a straightforward antagonist, but, of all things, his Christmas song, combined with the input of the other writers (especially Maekawa) humanizing him, led to the development where Yamaki eventually changed sides and became sympathetic. (This makes Konaka’s recent stunt revolving around Yamaki a bit painfully ironic.)

The director, Kaizawa Yukio, was deliberately picked because he didn’t have experience on the prior series, for the sake of changing things up, and he spent Tamers as a period of studying what Digimon should be like. Based on what he’s hinted, it seems Konaka's writing style and choices were able to have as much influence as they did because Kaizawa approved of them -- that is to say, Konaka’s detailed imagery and descriptions were extensive enough that Kaizawa could go “sure, let’s go with that.” But in the end, nothing Konaka did would have gone through unless Kaizawa and Seki (among many others) didn’t also approve of it or provide input. Moreover, Kakudou Hiroyuki (director of Adventure and 02) has also been stated many times to have been a valuable consultant on invoking Digimon so that the new staff could understand what to aim for and how to get the right feel (and also assisted with providing stuff for the mythos, such as the Devas). Nevertheless, Kaizawa also seems to have had his own strong opinions and input on the story; he especially seems to get passionate when it comes to the topic of making the story something the kids watching it could relate to and imagine. (He would eventually go on to direct Frontier and Hunters, along with several episodes of the Adventure: reboot.)

So in other words, looking at this, a lot of these things that people emotionally connected to and loved about Tamers are things that literally were not his personal creation, and were largely contributed by the other writers! Of course, Konaka’s “creator thumbprint” is very obvious -- he was the head writer, after all -- and all of this had to go through his own vetting to make sure he personally liked it as well -- but nevertheless, you can see that this very much was a collaborative effort from head to toe, with him being very open about this fact himself. Insisting on making sure that this fact is well-known isn’t just a coping mechanism to try and remove his presence in the series, but rather a desire to get people to seriously stop giving him credit that really should be going to others (especially since, again, even he himself was very diligent about assigning that credit).

In the end, I’ll leave you with another thing to keep in mind: Konaka doesn’t get paid anymore for Tamers work (unless they make something new like the DigiFes thing), so continuing to buy Tamers merch and supporting the series through fanart and such will probably end up going more towards the Digimon IP as a whole. Basically, if we’re just talking about Tamers specifically, what degree this is going to matter is only really relevant to the content in the original series, which is now twenty years old and remains unchanged. By Konaka’s own admission, he wasn’t into all of these conspiracy theories until 2010 at the earliest, so while it’s understandable to be a bit wary about the themes in Tamers having traces of the base sentiment, the original series itself does not seem to be an outlet for alt-right propaganda, and it’s probably forcing it a bit much to read into it that way. Konaka’s also repeatedly insisted that all of his attempts at a Tamers sequel have been rejected and that he’s been doing increasingly strange swerves to get around members of the original cast not entirely being available, and the Japanese audience has turned out to not be very fond of the contents of the 2018 drama CD and the stage reading for reasons entirely separate from the politics, so it’s also unlikely we’ll be getting a Tamers sequel from him or something in the near future.

So -- at least for the time being -- what’s done with him is done, and the remaining question is how all of us feel about Tamers. I think everyone will have differing feelings on it, and that’s perfectly understandable. Personally, given everything I just said above, I’m going to continue treating it as a series very important to me, and one that many people (including, as it seems, a very different Konaka from twenty years ago) worked on with a lot of effort and love, although you may see me getting a bit more willing to be critical about the series and its themes thanks to my concerns about some of the sentiments in it and what they imply. I also completely understand that there are probably people whose associations are going to be much more hurt and who will have a much harder time seeing the series the same way ever again, and I think that’s reasonable as well. But at the very least, going forward, I hope all of us can understand the depth of this situation, give credit where it’s due, and not force credit where it’s not due.

[occasionaloneshots]

Flowers and Birds

Losers club x Platonic! Fem. Reader (Mainly Stan based, won’t lie)

Watching her cry was something new to the Losers but they would all be there for her. Based off of my Being the Youngest Loser headcanons (I am adoring of my own headcanons and I’ll probably use them again) 

CW: De*th mention/de*th anniversary/birthday of a de*d loved one, pennywise canon mention, Sort of a hurt/comfort maybe you’d call it more mutual comfort?, the word “suffocating”, a (Y/n) who cries early in (I know a lot of people hate that but I’m sensitive and also will cry over “Are you okay”, so sorry)

Word Count: 1.4K

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    The losers club was a safe place for (Y/n), that was something she quickly learned. And in theory she knew that they would understand her being upset about things. Feelings weren’t a silent topic, she had seen Stan and Eddie cry at least twice in the year she knew them, but she didn’t want to show hers around them. She wasn’t exactly sure why she didn’t want them too see her when she was upset. Maybe it was because she was the only girl in the group or maybe it was because they all called her the baby. But regardless of the reason, the girl was stubborn about it. She could handling being with the guys for a few hours, put on a fake smile for them, then she could go home and sob while ignore her jewelry box like it was the plague. Backing out of plans was never something she did, it would tip off the guys that something was wrong. She shouldn’t be alone all day today anyway, right?

      So she put on her best fake smile as she climbed down the clubhouse ladder. The voice of Richie Tozier met her ears as soon as her feet hit the ground. “That’s where that shirt went, thief!” “You gave it to her last time we were at the quarry smart guy,” Eddie’s voice quips back just as fast and on any other day she would laugh about it. “Do you want it back, Rich?” He paused, looking deep in thought, “No, go ahead and keep it. looks better on you anyway. Plus people will think I have a really hot girlfriend.” The wink that followed the words actually earned him a slight smile back. “As if anyone would believe she’s your girlfriend, Richie. People already think she’s kidding when she says that she’s friends with us,” Stan scoffs over at the dark haired boy. He turns back to give her a smile, face falling as he looked at her, “Are you okay, (Y/n)?” 

      The question seemed to break a dam in her. She knew if anyone asked that she would break down and Stan was on the list of people who could read her like an open book. And suddenly she was tearing up, looking away from him but accidently locking eyes with Bill. “Hey, w-what happened?” The second question had her sobbing, she didn’t fully know what triggered it. Before she knew it she could feel some one on all sides of her. Mike rubbing her back and Richie cupping her cheek, Stan and Bill both holding her arms to keep her steady. Eddie trying to force a tissue into her hand and Ben resting a hand on her shoulder. And she was thankful for the fact that she had friends who were that worried about her, but the six of them adding to the already existing heat of the clubhouse and the heat being created in her face made her feel like she was suffocating. “Can I,” she takes a shaky breath, “Can I get a little space?” The guys nod, backing away, she did however take the tissue Eddie was trying to give her. 

      “What ha-happened?” “It’s June tenth,” she gave Bill a sad look, being met with a soft look from him. “Oh,” his voice was soft as he reached back out for her and the girl leans into him. Shaking hands finding their way to the back of his shirt, clinging to the fabric. (Y/n)’s face was pressed into his chest, not crying as hard now but still sniffling, a few tears joining them. “What’s June tenth?”  Bill looks over to Ben with a soft smile, “It’s her sister’s birthday.” It’s also the day that clown got her, (Y/n) thought, finding her fists tightening more around the fabric of his flannel. “You have a sister? Why haven’t we met her?” Ben’s cheery voice held a hint of confusion. Why would someone cry over a sibling’s birthday? “She disappeared on her birthday two years ago,” (Y/n) took a deep breath, “They found her body near the end of that summer with uh,” her eyes cut up to Bill’s, “The other kids who disappeared that year.” Then came the pity. It was a small town, she assumed the other kids remembered the missing posters but then again there was so many who could blame them. 

       Bill rubs her back, not wanting to talk about it, she couldn’t see the way the six boys shared a panicked look. “Hey (Y/n), you want to go get some fresh air?” Stan’s voice was shaky, desperate to get out of the new energy that had been introduced in the clubhouse. “Yeah, yeah, please,” she nods, patting Bill’s arm. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head before softly pushing her over to Stan. The leader falls back into his seat beside Mike from before, watching the two leave. (Y/n) swears that she hears a soft “do you think she knows about it” from what she thinks is Eddie’s voice but then again maybe she was imagining  it, projecting. Stan lead her towards the park, neither trying to make small talk. And when they got there, he just fell to the ground, legs crossing as he did, almost as if it was habit. The girl followed his actions before pausing, “Would it make you uncomfortable if I laid on you?” Stan shook his head, honestly desperate for some sort of comforting touch. So she laid with her head on his crossed legs,  looking up at his face as she pulled her legs up towards her. 

       “Do you want to talk about her?” The boy was obviously on edge and it bothered her. Did she cause that? “Not really no, the wound’s still kinda open, you know?” He reaches up to touch the scars that line the sides of his face, “Yeah, I get that.” She watches the motion in confusion, “How did you get those?” His shoulders stiffen, “Oh uh, dog attack when I was a baby, I’m still kind of freaked out by them.” She nods, reaching over to grab his bird book off the grass beside them. Stan watches as the girl opens it, laying the bird book on her own chest, “What type do you normally see out here?” He lets out a soft laugh, “Good job changing the subject.” The girl pouts, “No I’m serious, I wanna hear about them, we never hang out alone.” The boy’s dark eyes sparkle a little, the stressed energy seeming to relax off of him in a way that made a small smile rise to her lips. 

     The duo wasn’t sure how long they were there before their friends showed up if they’re honest. Both sort of lost in their own activity. Stan was trying to explain to her what birds were native to their part of Maine but the girl in his lap was honestly lost on the difference between them. Most of them looked like little brown birds to her but she was trying at some point. Now however she was plucking the little flowers (weeds if she was being honest) out of the grass around them, trying to balance them in his curls. Stan trying not to laugh at her actions. “Good to see you two calmed down,” Mike’s voice made them both look up at him. “He’s very comforting,” She nods, “What are you two doing here?” “You two have been gone for two hours. We came to make sure you were okay,” Ben rubs his arm as he speaks, careful of how he choses his words. 

     “We were ga-going back to my how-house to watch a movie, do you ta-two want to join us?” “What movie?” The girl sits up as Stan moves his book from it’s resting place on her. “D-Do you want to choose?” She smiles at him, “You have the Little Mermaid?” “A Disney movie? You really are the baby,” Eddie shakes his head. The girl scoff as she stands up, reaching out to help Stan up, “That’s tough talk for a guy who cried while we watched Dumbo last week, Eddie.” He sputters about to respond before Richie cuts in, “That’s so sweet, our little ones watch Disney movies together Mike, we truly are dads now.” The other boy rolls his eyes, “Sure, you guys ready to go watch a movie now?” (Y/n) and Stan didn’t realize it then, but flowers and birds would soon become their escapes for when they were stressed, and it lead to a closeness that made her feel safe to cry around the boys, her boys.