#it wouldnt be that surprising if lars like

[star-dust-stuf]

Luke Skywalker x fem!reader

title: dear stranger, heal my soul

warnings: some cursing

a/n: I can't believe I didn't do this earlier! the reader first meets Luke. I absolutely love this. sorry for typos, with love.

-

My hands were dry and my eyes burned, I was in something hot, it burned my bare arms and fingertips. I was in sand, R2 beeping beside me mostly buried in the sand as well. I lifted myself, panting and sweating, I brushed off the access sand on my dress and my hair. 

"What happened?" I breathe. R2 beeped, he sounded a bit mad. "Okay, okay. I'll get you out." 

I approached him and dug him out, though it was easy for me to do I could understand why it was hard for him, he had no limbs. "Do you know where we are?" I asked, looking around. There was sand surrounding us. 

R2 stuck out his little satellite, he was beeping for longer than a couple seconds before turning to me and beeping some more. "Tatoonie? I have no idea what kind of planet this is but I don't like it at all." I brushed some more sand from my hair. 

I knew we wouldnt make it anywhere if we didn't walk, so as we did R2 followed. I was surprised he could move through the sand just fine and it was a relief I didn't have to drack a droid that probably weighed more than me through the hot sand. I was already sweating quite a bit before we even walked through a valley, yes mostly, of not all sand.

"I can't R2, it's far too hot." I lean up against a rock, sweat glisning on my face. R2 beeped. "Well, no I don't want to die obviously, but where the hell are we going??" 

He beeped, I sighed and stood back up. We continue through that valley but before we made it out there were small creatures with hoods and small little gears beside them. One of them aming them at R2. They shot it and it seemed to have eleticuted him, sending bolts that shut him down. 

Then they aimed it at me, I had no time to get away from it. It shocked me and I fell to the sandy ground, passed out. Possibly the next day, I woke up in a transport? The transport was shaky and there were a lot of droids in there. All shut down or possibly broken. I was scared but I was able to find R2. That was until they opened the doors. I was dizzy and my body still feeling the twinge. 

The creatures, whom has their own language opened up the large door, the sun peering Im that was too bright for my eyes. They dragged R2 out and me with him, along with other droids. There were tons more of those little creatures. When they pulled me out back onto the sand, I was squinting, the sun too bright for my eyes have not adjusted.

When I was able to peek through my eyelids I saw a small little... Rock? No... A home? And two people heading my way, one was slightly shorter than the other and had blonde hair, he was a lot more faster than the taller one. His voice was soft and sounded kind. But once he got close he was much taller than I expected.

"Uncle Owen?" His voice lit up my ears but I was unable to open my eyes completely.

Another male voice came from the distance as hs approached. "What is it, Luke?"

"Is that a girl? A human girl?" Luke was pointing to me. Owen was a little shocked and spoke with one of the creatures. 

"What's this? You sell me droids, you don't pick up human beings." Owens voice sounds almodt furious. 

The creature spoke, it's voice was higher in pitch. It sounds to me like absolute gibberish. Owen waved him off, "yeah, I'll take her." 

Luke stepped close to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, you alright?" I was still unable to open my eyes completely, my body feeling the past shock. "Uncle Owen? She doesn't look so good." He spoke to his Uncle who was twelve feet away. 

Owen nods to Luke, "yes, take her inside." 

I managed to speak to the boy, Luke. "And R2..." 

R2 rolled up beside me, Luke thought for a moment but then nodded. He didn't want to waist time keeping me out here any longer. He led me up to The Lars Homestead, taking me down the steps and entering a room. Luke led me to the step above the other door that led back outside and sat me on the floor. 

"There, I'll see what I can do about your eyes and then I'll clean your droid." His voice was softer, it was a lot cooler in the room, shady and neat, some beeping and buckling assuming it was some other stuff behind me. I was rubbing my eyes.

"Don't rub them. You'll make them worse." He kneeled down to me and placed his hand on my forehead, letting his thumb lift my eyelid. "Being in that Sandcrawler for a whole night might have messed with your eyes. Not to mention you must have gotten some sand in them." 

He grabbed a small cup of water, "put your head back and try to open your eyes, im going to flush them a little, I promise it won't hurt too badly." He was kind. And I listened, I was sick of not seeing.

When I put my head back he poured water over them, making my face get a little wet in the process, I wince. "Ow!" 

He nods and smirks, "not too bad." I blinked a little before I was able to open them a little more than before, I saw his beautiful face, his blue eyes and blonde hair, his first white clothes and his soft cheeks. He smiled a little, "better?" 

I nod, "thank you... I suppose I already got your name. Luke."

He chuckles and nods, "what's your name?"

"Y/n." My voice was a little scratchy, he nods and heads to R2, all dirty and I didn't notice till now, now that my eyes are open completely.

Luke grabs a small tool and and scraped off some of his dents. "Where are you from? You don't look like you're from here at all." He laughed a little.

"I was actually on a ship with my brother, I was trying to fix something and R2 was helping me, I guess I pulled a wrong switch and the floor opened and we fell through, luckily the sand broke our fall."

Luke was intrigued, "you have a brother?"

I nodded, "his name is Han Solo. Gosh he's gonna kill me when he finds out I was dumb enough to pull some stupid wires." 

Luke chuckles. "Yeah, good luck with that." 

"I mean I guess i'll find him here. He was here for something about paying dept, he never really told me. But he wanted to go to the Cantina. You know where that is?"

Luke nods, "a little ways, it's not a nice area to be in though." 

I nod a little. "Been there?" 

"Not since I my friend Biggs left Tatooine. Hes an ace pilot." 

"Oh. How interesting. He left recently?" I asked, hoping I wasn't getting into something too sensitive. 

Luke nods, "I'm glad he left though. He always dreamt of leaving Tatoonie." 

"Are you able to take me to the Cantina? I might have a chance of finding my brother, he might even be looking for me." I tried to stand up.

Luke stood up and tried to sit me back down. "You should sit down for a bit. I'll get you some water. I bet those Jawas used an ion blaster on you?"

"Jawas?" I chuckled.

Luke smiled, "yeah, I suppose they did hit you with it, huh? Still feeling a little tingly?" I nod, he nods in return. "Sit for a bit longer, you won't be able to function right after a hit of those things."

He stood up and left the room only for a minute to get me some water. He returned and handed it to me. "I'll clean your droid and see how you do after that. If you're alright I'll take you to Mos Eisley. That's where the Cantina is." 

I nod in return drinking the water as Luke got back to cleaning R2. He was beeping and making all kinds of noises. "Gee, he's a noisy little guy isn't he." Luke smiled. 

After a bit and R2 was all clean, Luke helped me up, dustinf off some sand from my shoulders and my hair, as he did I just realized how hand he is, his blue eyes sparked in the little light and his hair was all glossy. He smiled before he held one of my arms and spoke. 

"Let's see if you can really take a first step." I started a little wobbly but I put one foot forward, I wasnt as trembling as I was when I walked in here, and my eyes where completely open now. "Good, you're almost back to normal. Just try not to run for whatever reason that might be."

He walked me back up the steps to the sandy ground, the two suns shining over us. Luke walked up to his uncle, speaking. "She's got a brother whos in Mos Eisley, can I take her?" Luke leaned up on the table over the small tarp. 

His uncle glanced at me and back at him, "fine, take your landspeeder and don't wonder around there, don't go in any shops and don't buy anything. And most certainly do not lose her. Got it?"

Luke nods, waving him off and walked back to me. "Yes, Uncle Owen." He rolled his eyes playfully at me as sign his uncle is always so stricked. 

He walked me around the Homestead and to his landspeeder, definitely more rusty that R2 was before he cleaned him. "And this'll get us there?" 

Luke smiled and he hopped, gesturing I do too, so I did. "It's fast, I promise." 

He wasn't wrong, when we took off I felt an adrenaline but it felt good, my heart was going and so was my blood, there was a warm breeze, R2 in the back. Once we got it to the town it was filled with different kinds of creatures, some I've seen before and some I have not.

But once we did make it there we had to get off his landspeeder, I didn't ask why. He seemed like he knew where he was going. And had a glint in his eyes when he heard some jazzy music playing.

"This way." He held my hand a little just so he didn't lose me. I felt heartwarming by it, the small gestures. 

He led me into the Cantina. Music a bit louder that I thought. "Okay, just stay by me and we'll look for your brother, make sure R2 follows." 

I nodded. He held my hand as we walked through the crowd of creatures and some humans. It smelled like a stuffy room, interesting drinks and the different smells of different things. Luke let me look around but only if I was with him, then... There was a loud fire of a heavy blaster pistol echoed in the Cantina. Me and Luke turned to the sound as a long with the other people and creatures who went silent.

We didn't want to make a move till they went back to what they were doing, as so they did. And when we approached where the sound came from I saw Han, sitting there, his blaster had smoke beaming out of it, his legs crossed but his eyes grew wide when he saw me. "You little rebel!" He stood up and approached me, looking at Luke as well. 

"What the hell did you do??" He sounded pissed. 

"I was trying to buckle in R2 and then-." Han cut me off. 

"Yeah, lie to me another day sweetheart."

I sigh, "I was trying to fix the hyperdrive and I pulled the wrong wire and... I fell through one of the hatches. R2 with me." 

Han chuckled, "I told you not to touch a thing, you can't even fix a damn light!" 

"To be fair, you broke that light." I wasn't as pissed as him, just hoping he wouldnt embarrass me in front of Luke.

"And who's this?" Han smirked at Luke, Luke saw his intentions clearly and looked at him with contempt. 

"Luke Skywalker." Luke held out his hand to shake Hans. 

Han smirks. "Your new boyfriend?" he ignored his hand and Luke rolled his eyes in return.

I grew defensive, "no Han, he actually helped me thank you very much!"

Luke couldnt help but laugh a little, he crossed his arms. R2 beeped. "Oh, surprised you didn't lose R2!"

I gave him a smug look, "you underestimate me sometimes." 

He laughed a little, "you're my little sister, what you expect, more?"

Luke spoke up, "whyd you fire your pistol." He seems like he wanted the bickering to stop.

"Oh, just some unfinished business, kid." Han put his pistol on his side.

Lukes eyes almost light up like a child's joy when he saw the pistol. "Is that a DL-44!?" Han looks at him for a moment, Luke clears his throat. "Not because I'm interested or anything." 

"Right, you just keep your thoughts to yourself okay?" Han patted his shoulder, his smile was sarcastic. 

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ sunrise in versailles (part 2) (chapter 14)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 7k (pretty long 4 me!)

warnings- this chapter was really emotional for me to write, theres content warnings that go beyond the usual. If you are sensitive to certain topics and feel that reading stories triggers you, please don't read this. beside from that, theres swearing, smut, drinking, angst. this is a long one.....pls dont hate me after this

a/n- Hi sweethearts ahhh ive been slacking with my content and I apologize, i am working on a drabble/oneshot for you guys and its pretty long, I tend to get distracted easily so its taking longer than expected, hate to neglect my current story. Hope u enjoy! -Nini

"go stand over there"

You embarrassingly looked back at your boyfriend, his large camera in his hand as he pointed you over to a statue

"noo"

"just do it, cmon you look cute" he smiled and teasingly pushed you over before holding his camera up. "smile"

You fixed your hair and your hat, smiling brightly as taehyung took your photo. "You look beautiful" he chuckled, reviewing the picture. "definitely the prettiest artwork here"

"shut up" you nudged him, hiding your face in his chest before you began walking around the museum again.

Your hands were locked in together, eyes widening at every amazing piece of art you came across. "you know....I wouldnt be surprised if one day your paintings were in here"

"you think?" he smiled, amused

"mhm, no doubt."

He kissed your temple, hand now resting on the small of your back before weaving your way through a small crowd.

"I am already thinking of my next piece, you know?"

You raised an eyebrow, giggling "yeah? what is it?"

Taehyung laughed, spinning around to look back at you, "thats for me to know and you to find out"

"oh here we go..." you roll your eyes, laughing at the boys antics.

You had to admit, so far things were perfect. The only thing you had to focus on was Taehyung and Paris, to say you were content was an understatement.

"so...I was thinkingggg" he dragged out his words, eyes glancing to you as you walked into a room full of naked statues

"yes?"

"tonight. dinner, you and me, La Veranda's"

You blush, circling around the exhibit "am I supposed to know what La Veranda's is?"

Taehyung circles and meets you around one of the statues, a cheeky smile apparent. "La Veranda, its a restaurant not too far from the hotel. my treat"

"hmm" you took one of his hands "sound fun to me"

"just because im paying?"

"no!" you giggle, tapping his shoulder "I wanna have fun with you, it sounds good, even if Im not the biggest fan of french cuisine."

"oh we will have fun alright"

"okay bye" you jokingly turned away and walked into another room, small laughs heard behind you as taehyung caught up. "Im teasing, yes it sounds really good, thank you angel" you pressed a peck to his cheek, hands entwining once more.

"mm" he groaned, not satisfied with such a small kiss, his other hand tilting your head back to meet his lips.

"ever had Museum sex?"

"are you like permanently horny?" you giggled, pushing away and making sure no one heard.

"well yes, and so are you, so shut up" he smirked, "and sex isnt taboo here, Paris is like the sex symbol of all countries"

"No one has ever said that"

"theres nude beaches!"

"taehyung thats just Europe, people here are comfortable with themselves" you giggle, shrugging.

"okay but imagine going to a beach, nude, in Korea"

"I dont wanna imagine it, because it doesn't sound appealing. Here or there"

He laughs, taking a picture of a large painting in front of you, "im just saying...."

"saying that its okay to be horny in Versailles?"

"exactlyyy" he finger pointed before linking arms with you. "ready?"

You nod, smiling as you two exit what has to be your 4th museum of the day. You werent expecting this to be as fun as it was, perhaps it was taehyung who made it 10x more enjoyable.

"are you gonna get mad if I grab a beer over there?" he pointed to a small pub that stood along the open street of stores and bakeries, the smell was unimaginably good.

"my love you don't have to be sober just because I am, of course you can grab a drink" you explained, walking across the street with him.

He sighed, "ok but I feel bad, you cant even have coffee?"

"nope" you smile sadly, fidgeting with his hand as you sat in line with him.

His eyes looked around the area until it landed on a bakery, "ok well after this, I'll go over and grab you a hot chocolate and croissant"

"how incredibly french" you giggled, laying your head against his shoulder

"oui" he spoke, beginning to laugh

"oh I didnt know you spoke french" you tease

"theres a lot you dont know, Madam" he spoke in an accent, pulling his wallet out to pay for his beer

Once you two settled, you caught a cab over to Tuileries Garden, where surprisingly there was not many people around. You both sat down on chairs and embraced the warm welcoming sunshine that pressed against your skin.

"shouldve brought sunscreen huh?" you whisper, looking over at taehyung

"mm...I dont burn"

"you said that last summer when we went to the beach with your friends, you cam home looking like a lobster." You hid a giggle, watching him with loving eyes

"nooo" he blushed "that was only that one time, im fine"

"if you say so" you yawned, leaning down in the recliner as you looked up at the sky, beautiful trees surrounding the small hidden area you were in.

Paris was such a stimulating place to be, your mind could be draped away from all the hell youve been stressing out with, for once you felt like you were just living, is this how normal people felt?

Part of you wished this would never end, that you and Taehyung would plant your feet in the ground of this very spot and grow old together in one of the most romantic places in the world. Maybe it was the hot chocolate you had earlier, but this place had healing properties.

Taehyungs eyes stayed glued to your body as you laid, unaware.

He was unable to help the smile that stuck to his face, seeing his best friend, the love of his life, finally look at peace brought a great sense of comfort to him. You looked so beautiful, and he wanted to capture every moment with you for himself. He was greedy, and didnt care.

Without saying anything, he pulled his camera out of his bag and began taking photos of you

"what are you doing?" you giggled, blushing

"youre so pretty, baby" he walked over to your chair, propping himself up at the end of it.

"dont take photos of me right now please" you pout, hiding your face as he comes up and lightly hovers you

"when will you just let me love you, hm?" his voice was soft, humor within it.

"I just dont want my photo taken" you look up at him

"these are for me, no one else." he pressed a kiss to your neck, whispering "I want to just remember everything we do together"

You smiled at his sweetness, a hand coming up to tangle into his hair as you pressed a kiss to his lips, he quickly reciprocated, a small chuckle.

With a swift movement, he got up and pulled you with him, encouraging you to hold onto his back.

"what if I hurt you?" you blush

"youre not gonna, now cmon" he smiled, holding your legs as you climbed to his back. He began walking around as your arms draped around his shoulders, head resting against them.

"taehyung" you hummed, fingers delicatley tracing his shirt

"hm?"

"promise me we will come back here?"

He chuckled, "baby, its our first day-"

"I mean...like...later in life. promise that we will still find time for us?"

He sighed at your words, "of course we will, are you worried that we wont?"

"well, with the baby and stuff...I dont know I guess." you close your eyes "I just dont want things to change"

A sad smile appeared on his face, "things have to change, and they are most definitely going to for us." he paused "doesnt mean its a bad change, not all things are bad, my love....its part of life"

You nodded, kissing his nape gently. "I just love you so much, and I dont want anything to happen to us."

"why do you think something will happen? im here for you, now, tomorrow, next month and forever. you cant ditch me" he smiled.

"I dont know..." you blushed, leaning your head back down as taehyung piggybacked you through the small trail.

There was more you wanted to say, but you had not wanted to worry him. Despite things going well right now, you anticipated the fall, you anticipated when all of this happiness and euphoric excitement would disappear...because it always did. Life was a little too good to be true.

its like you knew something bad was coming, and all you can do is wait.

-

Taehyung was sitting on the bed, waiting for you to exit the bathroom so you both could head to dinner. He nervously adjusted his shirt, he could laugh at how silly he felt, it was like he was a high schooler getting ready for prom or something.

He couldnt explain why, but he had the urge to just spoil you, impress you in anyway he knew how.

His own mind had been plaguing him for a while now, that perhaps once the baby arrives, you will realize hes not fit for it, and leave.

So here he was, offering every limb he had to bend over backwards for anything you wanted. Taehyung would give up everything just to keep you, and he hoped you saw it.

"okay, tell me what you think of this one" you exited the bathroom finally, after changing your outfit for the 4th time

He swallowed harshly, his eyes shooting over every part of you

"is it bad?" you whispered, blushing as your hands trailed over the sickly black cocktail dress....definitely something out of your comfort zone, but you bought it before the trip as a surprise for taehyung, you knew he liked to see you wear things like that.

"you look..." he mentally told himself to stop acting creepy "absolutely gorgeous"

You blushed once more, pushing your hair back as you walked closer to him. He couldnt deny the fact that the dress hugged every inch of your skin perfectly, your cleavage was definitely something he'd have to remind himself to not oggle at out in public, he was a gentleman after all...

"you think..?"

He nodded, his cheeks red as he pulled you closer to him, hands resting on your hips before running over your bump, "my love, are you trying to kill me?"

You giggle softly, pressing your hands over his as he looked up at you "you look really handsome, baby" you bit your lip

"thank you but....look at you, god"

You giggle once more, gently sitting on his lap as he kissed your neck and collar bones, "oh and you smell good?" his nose inhaled the scent of your skin, a sense of desire coursing through you at his touch. "people are gonna see us out in public and wonder what a pretty girl like you is doing with me" he teased, mouth kissing over your low chest line.

"taehyung" you whisper, hands gently stopping him. "If we dont leave now I dont think we will be able to stop ourselves"

He laughed, "im sorry y/n, youre right." he gently stood, holding your hand, "stand here for me" he pointed to in front of the mirror as he grabbed his camera and stood behind you, his free hand on your bump as he captured the reflection.

"lets go, sweet girl" he pecked your lips before heading out the hotel room with you.

You didnt know it yet, but tonight would be one of the best nights youve had in your life.

-

"I am most certainly not eating snail...knock yourself out" you laughed, passing over the plate to your boyfriend who eagerly took a piece and sniffed it

"its escargo, to be technical" he corrected, popping it in his mouth and nodding.

"same thing, thats so gross" you whisper, looking away

The atmosphere of the restaurant was quiet and peaceful, it was late now and so the beautiful string lights hung up on the outdoor patio illuminated the area.

"for real though, how is the food?" he smiled, taking a sip of his wine.

"its so good, I am not usually one for french food but this...this is good" you pointed down at your Gratin d’aubergine, which, in simpler terms is just grilled eggplant with melted cheese and tomato sauce, topped with chopped veggies.

Taehyung originally encouraged you to get the same he got, which was the shellfish dish, until you reminded him that pregnant women shouldnt have shellfish.

"how do you know all of this already?" he teased, taking a bite of his food as the candle light in front of you lit up the table.

"lotttts of research, mostly anxiety driven" you chuckle, looking back at him.

He smiled shyly, wiping his mouth and looking at the view of the city, sky now blanketing darkness.

"what are you thinking about?" you rested your head on the palm of your hand

"dunno" he smirked, "just..how you are already doing so good with everything...like you have it all figured out"

You giggle, "you think I have i figured out?"

"well I mean, you know all this stuff about the baby and, here I was, about to feed you fish like an idiot" he exhaled

"hey.." you reached out to hold his hand over the table, soft eyes in his direction. "I dont have a choice, its my body and I need to know how to protect it and shit" you add, "youre not an idiot for not knowing something baby, you are doing so well" you whisper

He blushed and rubbed his thumb against your joined hands, "im really scared"

"and thats perfectly okay...we have time to get comfy before anything happens. I mean, look, you already cleared your room so we could store all the baby stuff in there, you know what your doing my love, im scared too, and im so glad you told me"

"everything happened so quick I feel like I was thrown into a role that I know nothing about. Im excited, like...really excited, but im so worried of messing up" he admits

"hey, messing up is part of life, we all have our ups and downs. we will not be the first parents to probably have a mistake here and there, and we most certainly wont be the last either." your voice was quiet, "and plus...the fact that you even care right now is more than enough."

He nodded gently, squeezing your hand as the waitress came over and asked for our ideas on dessert, you spoke to her as taehyung watched, his eyes tracing every inch of you carefully, so desperatley wishing he could climb into your mind and figure out everything you ever wanted, so he could provide that to you.

The way your hand naturally fell over your stomach as you spoke to the woman made him smile, you were already a great mother, and he only prayed he would fulfill the dad role. He wondered in that moment how your own dad could leave you when you were young. The feelings taehyung has for you but not only your child that isnt even born yet is so incredibly strong, he could never in a million years imagine trading it for some other thing that passes along.

And he assumed you had reservations about taehyung possibly being like your dad, given that your times with men growing up always failed you, he wanted to prove that he was the best. Taehyung was the best. Perhaps it was cocky thinking, but he truly knew you inside and out like no other, even before romantic feelings became involved.

He knows that you like to sleep on the right side of the bed, always, no matter what.

He knows that you have 2 cups of hot coffee every morning, then an iced in the afternoon, and he knows that its always that french vanilla creamer you use as well.

He even knows your showering routine, wash and condition hair, shave, scrub body and rinse, but you always stay in there for an extra 20 minutes as your Spotify shuffles songs.

Hell...he even knows when your damn period is. He downloaded the app for you!

The man knows what you are, who you are, and highly doubts anyone else can do the job.

Your foot gently nudged against his ankle underneath the table, a small smirk on your face brought him back to reality.

"footsies in the french restaurant?" he asked, faking shock

A small giggle escaped your lips, "I ordered dessert"

"hm?"

"creme caramel...I dont know if you are a fan or not-"

"that sounds delicious" he smiled, reaching over to grab your hands as he admired you

"you have a tendency to stare, you know?"

He smiled shyly, "sorry, i'll stop"

"no its cute...I just get embarrassed" you spoke

"embarrassed of what? we've known each other forever and pretty girl still gets shy...."

You hid your face, cheeks bright pink "well yeah....because you look at me like that"

"like what?"

"like you are thinking of not appropriate things" you said matter of factly, looking back at him

"thats cause I am" he smirked, foot rubbing against your calve

You darted your eyes down to the beige table cloth, that familiar arousal sitting in the center of your stomach as you bit your lip amusingly.

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped once the waitress placed the desserts on the table, your eyes grew wide like a little girl in a candy shop unsupervised.

"wait dont dig in yet, I wanna picture" you mumble, pulling your phone out and snapping it

"now whos the one whos photographing everything?"

You giggle, "Stop, dont tell me that doesn't look delicious.."

his eyes looked at you as you put your phone in your purse, "it does"

Once you began eating, you both awed over how flavorful it was, wishing that you knew how to bake better so you could replicate such desserts back in Korea.

"annie bakes" he teased

"do not bring her name up here!" you nudged him, "I dont care if she bakes food, you know what else she bakes? drama! a whole lot of it!" you smile, shaking your head as you went in for another bite

"I know" he nods, drinking his water "we really dont have friends huh?"

"nope" you laughed, looking at him as you sucked on the fork, "we have each other though"

"you're not sick of me yet?" he tilted his head, humor within his voice

"never.."

You guys spent the rest of the night talking and bringing up funny stories and memories as you finished dessert. You do admit that having a glass or two of wine would have been enjoyable, but you could get buzzed of taehyung alone. As you two left the restaurant, it began to rain slightly

"oh shit, I didn't bring jackets" he frowned, standing at the entry of the door as you both watch the rain fall, the pace and heaviness picking up. He wanted to see if there was any stores close so you could grab an umbrella or coverings, but t was already 10pm, so most places were closed for the night.

"we dont need em!" you giggle, running down the steps and into the rain, hair beginning to dampen.

He looked at you in shock for a moment before running after you, a gleam in his eyes as you grabbed his hand, running down the sidewalk together.

"wait!" you laugh, holding onto his shoulder as you lean forward to untie your heel laces, sliding the shoes off and holding them so you could begin to run again.

It was just like a movie, you felt so much joy in that moment that you didnt even care you were soaked, the fullness feeling in your stomach from how much you ate now an afterthought.

The wide street was empty, most people ran indoors for cover while you pulled him close, he gasped softly and kissed you, rain beginning to pick up even more so.

You laughed against his lips, "i love you"

"I love you too" he spun you around before beginning to run again, at this point, both of you were drenched without a care in the world.

"im having so much fun!" you yell over the loud ambience of the water pouring, he squeezed your hand and nodded, keeping up with your pace "me too!"

It was like you both had transported back to the age of 14, when there were a few times you both would run home after school in the rain.

He hasnt seen you so happy in so long, he didnt want this to end.

"baby we should call a cab!" you lean into his ear, moving damp hair out of your face

"mm" he nodded, ignoring what you said, standing under an overhead of a closed building as he pulled you closer, lips connecting again.

Your arms draped over his shoulders as you quite literally made out in public. If someone saw, you didnt care.

His lips attacked that sensitive spot on your neck, making you gasp softly, eyes fluttering shut before hands grabbed onto his shirt.

"l-lets go back to the room" you managed to mutter, lips on his once more as your tongues met.

when in France, you french kiss, right?

"good idea" he mumbled against your mouth before reluctantly pulling away to grab his phone that luckily was tucked safely in his dry bag.

He called a taxi and waited with you until it arrived.

Climbing into the backseat, you quickly told the driver the address to the hotel and paid him in advance, shutting the door behind you.

The driver nodded and began to drive, the dark atmosphere of the car only tempted taehyung more so, his hand climbing to your inner thigh as you kissed in the back seat, your own hands roaming over him as well.

You were compelled to press sweet kisses all over the boys face, noticing even in the dark, that your lipstick made its marks.

It felt like it took forever to get back, but he was the first one out, almost dragging you out the cab behind him.

You made sure to thank the driver again as you rushed inside, the two of you giggling like little kids while running through the lobby.

"where the key?" you whisper in the elevator, hands digging into his bag

"bottom pocket, left side zipper" he looked down, watching you find it and take it out.

Wandering the hall, you both shushed eachother "we are being way too loud" you whisper, giggling at his sarcastic face as he pulled you into the doorway of your room.

"i dont care" he shrugged, pulling you in and shutting the door.

The room's AC was on, goosebumps quickly scattering over your skin as you exhaled, a smile on your face as you followed him over to the bed.

Taehyung smiled as well, dropping his back and shoes in the corner of the room before slowly coming over, leaning down to kiss you again. "mm...you still taste like caramel"

You giggled, "baby look in the mirror" you pointed him away as he caught a glance of his reflection, your lipstick marks covering his cheeks, nose, forehead and lips. "jesus christ" he mumbled, smirking

"what did you do to me?" he teased, coming back to the bed as you laughed, holding your stomach. "oh its funny?" he giggled, gently crawling over you and shutting you up with another kiss, which deepened quickly.

"yknow..." he began "took a lot in me to not touch you at that resteraunt"

His confession made you blush, your hands already working on unbuttoning his white shirt, now completely drenched in rain. "yeah?"

"mm" he kissed your neck, sucking on the skin as he assisted you by taking his own shirt off, tossing it somewhere off the bed.

"very respectful.." you mumble, now trying to undo his pants, eyes connected to his.

"you dont even realize how fucking sexy you are" he spoke, tossing away his pants as well before he was left in just his boxers...now it was his turn to begin to undress you.

The soft, beige pale light illuminated the room, glowing on taehyungs tan skin, something that you noticed quickly. "im not that sexy" you blush, his hand slowly and gently pushing the straps of your dress off your shoulders, so careful, almost as if he would break you.

"oh but you are, baby...god look at you"

He pulled down the dress, taking it off of you and being more gentle when he put it away, knowing it was expensive. His eyes widened at your red lingerie you had on beneath, the lace catching his attention. "is this for me?" he giggled, "so honored" he kissed you deeply before trailing his lips to your neck and chest.

You blushed again as you watched him make his way down to your stomach, stopping for a moment to press kisses all over your bump. You know he saw the stretch marks, something you had grown self conscious about, but he didn't say anything, instead he continued to touch you like glass, moving in ways that brought you love and comfort. "dont take the bra off, I wanna watch you cum in it"

You felt your body heat up at his sudden vulgar words, "o-okay" you whispered, glancing back down at him as he tried to move closer to your center. His hands gently pried open your thighs more, lips attaching to the inner skin quickly."wait...baby" you exhale, making him stop.

"hm?"

"You dont need to do that, im ready, just please...." you hated how needy you sounded, but it was true. You didnt need him to do anything extra other than just make love to you, you were desperate for that connection, desperate for the intimacy and close faces.

"are you sure...?" he seemed confused, eyebrows raised as his hand lightly grazed over your clothed slit, thumb slightly pressing onto your clit making you gasp

"yeah...uh, yeah, im sure" you mumble, shyly.

He smirked, pressed one last kiss to your navel before crawling back up to your face, his hands fidgeted with his own boxers before sliding them off, his cock erect as he stroked himself a few times.

You watched, biting your lip before taking off your own underwear, his gaze on your lower half making you smile.

"oh wow, you are ready" he whispered, two of his fingers gently gliding through your slick, making you whimper,

"please...just, dont tease...." you mumble, arms thrown over his shoulders "I need you so bad"

"i know baby, I know" he leaned down to kiss you when he felt a tear drop from your eye. "did I do something wrong?" he immediately pulled away "what happened my love?"

You shook your head, "I just love you" you were embarrassed again, but didnt care about being vulnerable "dont go" you whisper

Taehyung was a little confused, but chose to simply wipe your eyes, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips as he grasped your hand, "im...im not going anywhere...you have me, im here, forever okay?" he spoke close to your ear. "I love you so much"

"I love you...." you looked at him with sad eyes, obviously more to the emotions than just hormones. "do you want to stop?" he questioned softly

"no, please no"

"okay" he exhaled, kissing you again when you pulled him closer, chests touching.

He dragged his cock through your folds, gathering wetness before beginning to press in. No matter how many times you both have done it, he checked up to your face, "are you okay?"

You gasped at the intrusion, waiting until he bottomed out to speak, "yes....oh.." you laid your head back against the pillow as he carefully grasped a hand on your hip bone, the other entwined with your fingers. Taehyungs head found its cozy spot between your shoulder and ear, kissing the skin as he set a gentle and slow-ish pace, making sure you were okay with it.

Its you, youre you, and he couldnt ask for anything better because it simply doesnt exist. He restrained any instinct to just ruin you and go quicker, knowing that in this moment going slow was what you both needed

"you feel so good" his voice was raspy, any confidence he had was now out the window as he pushed deeper inside, your velvety walls soaking up every inch of his cock perfectly.

"baby..." you moan, eyes closed. It was just maybe one of the prettiest sounds he had ever heard, you were like an angel. How is it possible for one woman to be so perfect in every way?

He felt your fingers dig deeper into his back, your lower body squirming slightly. "here...." he whispered, bunching up a blanket and putting it under you so he could hit a different angle.

When he continued thrusting, you arched your back at the contact. Whatever he was looking for, mission success.

"ahh-...baby, please" you whimper, mouth falling open as your moans filled the hotel room, the sounds of sweaty bodies moving against each other filling your ears.

"so pretty for me huh? always so beautiful, my girl" his voice echoed through your body, mindlessly filling your senses and bringing you out of the earth.

He moved up a bit, pressing his elbows on either side of your head as he leaned down, your faces nearly touching as you cupped his cheeks. "I love you so much, fuck, you treat me so well...." your eyes closed in pleasure, taehyung watching you unravel beneath him was such a pretty sight.

His hand snaked down between your bodies and eagerly rubbed your clit, an entirely different pace from the slow one he used to thrust you into the mattress.

"taehyung!" you tossed your head back, clawing at his skin as you tried your best to keep your moans in. Taehyung dove down to kiss your cleavage, licking a stripe between your breasts.

It took a few more times of his dick dragging into your g-spot before he had you cumming. You moaned into his shoulder, for a moment you believed you would pass out from what might have been the best orgasm you ever had. You definitely loved any sex with Taehyung, but slow and sensual always did it the best for you.

"can you hold out a lil longer baby?" he panted into your neck, continuing to move despite your sensitivity.

"yes..." you spoke, breathless as you grabbed into his hair, kissing his skin as he chased his high.

"ah f-fuck" he groaned, halting his movements as he spilled into you "god baby, i....fuck" Tae whimpered

you immediately pulled him closer to lay on your chest, "love you..."

"love you" he held your hand, both of you catching your breath from what just happened.

"that was really nice" his voice made you open your eyes, looking at him

"it was.." you couldn't help but smile as you watched him begin to pull out, you could feel his semen leaking between your legs. "maybe we should shower..." you giggled tiredly.

-

After you both cleaned up, you tossed on a new set of bra and underwear, getting back into the comfy bedsheets before he came out of the bathroom not too long after, a new pair of boxers around him.

"dont come into the bed with wet hair, you freak" you joke, watching him smile as he whips his head around like a dog, the water splattering all over the room.

"thanks..." you groan, sinking down further under the covers as he shuts the light off.

"you're so welcome" he climbed under the bedsheets and held you close to him, his gentle smooth skin brushing against yours. "today was really fun"

You smiled, holding him as well. "it was, thank you for everything...like seriously"

He gazed at you lovingly, his hand playing with your semi-damp hair. "you dont have to thank me, you know....I just"

wanna give you my world

"wanna make you happy"

You smiled, tracing his face with your fingers, "i already am"

"yeah?"

"mm" you leaned forward to kiss him, he still tasted like toothpaste after just brushing his teeth but you didnt care.

Once you fell asleep in his arms, he covered you both up more with the blanket as he kissed your temple, "my girl" he whispered, closing his eyes before drifting off.

-

The next morning

It was still raining, but that didnt stop taehyung from waking up early and heading out while you still laid in bed, sleeping peacfully.

He wanted to surprise you

Taehyung politely spoke to the florist, explaining what he wanted as she went to prepare the flowers for him. He smiled and leaned against the window, watching how the rain gathered in small puddles on the side of the street, car tires splashing into them.

"here you go Monsieur"

He turned to see the bouquet of purple and pink flowers, tied together beautifully with a teal ribbon

"ah! Merci!" he bowed his head, handing her the cash before he exited back to the hotel. He stopped in the lobby and found his way to the food court, which was rather full of business men and women eating breakfast. He smiled, passing by the tables until reaching the large pick and choose food area.

He knew you liked fruit, so he grabbed a Styrofoam container and began putting them into it.

that was your number one craving at the moment, strawberries, so he packed extra, along with a small bagel.

There was no occasion for his sudden desire to show you love, he just felt like it, and thought that maybe you had been dealing with some negative thoughts after seeing your behavior the day prior.

The goal wasnt to get you to talk to him, more so an act of saying "hey, im always here, love you" and shit.

He gathered everything up, including a hot tea, as he got into the elevator. He was nervous of dropping something, mentally praising that your room number wasnt far from where the elevator dropped off.

Placing the container and tea on the floor, he pulled out the key card and opened the door, quickly grabbing them again and walking in. A quick scan of his eyes traced the room to confirm you werent in the small kitchen area.

"whew.." he smiled, putting the flowers and food down onto the counter as he took his shoes off, hanging up his coat that was still wet from the rain.

"baby?" he whispered, walking over to the bedroom.

You werent in bed, and he frowned, looking around as to see where you might be.

"y/n?" he called out softly

When there was no response he frowned, finally walking more into the room and seeing that the bathroom light was on, door closed.

"ah..there you are" he nodded, deciding that he had time to go back out to the kitchen space and set up his little gifts.

He placed a note he wrote to you inside the flowers, opening the fruit up and placing them nicely together. He smiled knowing you would probably yell at him for going and doing this despite there being no occasion.

You hated when he made a fuss about silly things, but thats who taehyung was.

He eagerly sat down at the table and waited for you, anticipating the moment you walk out, however after about 15 minutes he began to get impatient.

Walking back into the room to see that you were still in the bathroom slightly concerned him, "hey..." he spoke up, knocking on the door. "baby? you okay? im back"

there was no response

"you in there?" he asked again, voice louder as he knocked once more. He placed his ear to the door and listened for any signs you were on the other side, a clearing of your throat confirming it for him.

"baby open the door why arent you answering me?" he smiled, "are you mad I left without telling you? I promise it was for a good reason, come on out my love...."

He heard slow shuffling and then heard the door unlock, allowing his access to enter.

He slowly opened the door, pushing on the handle to see you sitting on the floor, back against the tub. You were crying, face red and eyes swollen.

Taehyung quickly entered panic mod "w-whats wrong?" he kneeled in front of you, grabbing your hands as you sobbed, tears soaking your shirt. "y/n please! what happened!!"

You struggled to catch your breath as you closed your eyes, taehyung holding your face in his hands. "I need you to talk to me...please, breathe, explain whats happening so I can help!"

His nerves were growing quickly each moment you remained silent.

With a hiccup, you opened your eyes and spoke, voice trembling.

"i lost the baby..."

you managed to speak before beginning to sob again.

Taehyungs hands fell from your face, his expression changing as he went pale. "what...you what?" he whispered, eyes on you. It wasnt until then when you moved your legs that he noticed that your underwear had been stained with blood, and the towel on the side of the toilet was too.

"oh....oh baby" he whispered, immediately pulling you into his chest as he cried. He felt like he was no longer in his own body at this point, as if this wasn't happening and he was watching it from afar.

Bad things like this dont happen to people like you.

"oh im so sorry my love" he held you tightly as loud sobs wrecked your frame "oh....I dont know what to do, are you...are you sure? we dont know....?" his voice trembled heavily as he gained courage to look back at you

You shook your head, voice quiet, "I just know...I just know" you cried as you looked down to see the blood everywhere, Taehyung quickly pulling you back into his arms. "im so sorry, baby...oh my god im so fucking sorry honey" his hand cradled your head as he slightly swayed back and forth.

He felt helpless, completely defenseless as you sat there in his arms sobbing. What could he possibly do or say to save you from this? how do you go from being on top of the world to falling overnight? its not fair.

"i-i tried to call" you choked out, your hands trembling.

He feels like the worlds biggest fucking loser.

"ah....angel....I left my phone here didnt I? baby...." he cried, trying to hold you again but you pulled back, wincing as your back rested against the wall. "y/n im so sorry, I dont even know what to do..."

You closed your eyes, chest growing tight with grief. "I wanted it so badly" you whispered, "I wanted it.....i really did I promise" you cry

"I know you did baby, I know you did! I wanted it too y/n" he couldnt stand seeing you like this, knowing the amount of pain you were feeling made him physically ill.

"taehyung im sorry" you covered your face before wrapping your arms around yourself defensively, "I dont....I dont know what happened...I woke up and felt sick....I threw up and then started cramping, I thought I was fine but then I saw blood and it just...." you sobbed, banging your fist against the wall "fuck!"

"dont you dare apologize, this isnt your fault, you hear me?" he got close, grabbing your hand "this is not our fault."

"I wanted it" you repeat, hand rubbing over your stomach sadly, still not processing that this was over before it even started. "mommy is sorry...." you whisper

Taehyung feels his heart break into five million pieces, he swallows harshly and wipes his eyes. "you did everything right...I promise....sometimes these things happen, and God, i am so sorry my love, so, so, sorry...." he rubbed your leg.

"i was so excited....I was just accepting it and....its over...its not fair!!" you look at him desperately, knowing theres nothing neither of you can do.

"I know....hey, I know..." he soothed you, his own stomach churning at the sight in front of him. "I shouldnt have left....Im sorry baby" he cried, leaning forward to rest his head on your small bump, tears falling against your skin.

You both stayed like that for a while, taehyung sat up after a bit, red eyes looking at you as you sat, your expression was blank.

You stopped crying. you were absently looking at the wall.

"y/n" he whispered, hand holding your cheek to bring attention back to him

"hm?" your eyes slowly traced back, looking at taehyung.

"l-let me clean you up....get in bed and rest, okay?"

You dont respond, instead you let him carefully strip you from your clothing, watching as he cleaned you with wet towels. He was silently crying while doing so.

He figured you were too tired to get in the bath, so he used a few facecloths and wet wipes to make sure you were clean.

He grabbed a shirt and pants, helping you get dressed as you remained still like a doll.

There was nothing to say.

You lost your baby.

no amount of crying or screaming would return it to you.

Taehyung tossed the towels and dirty clothes aside, standing up and reaching down to help you up as well.

Your body shook as you did so, hands and legs trembling as he held you, whispering "I know....I know....." he kissed your forehead before carrying you out to the room, laying you on the bed. He then noticed the dried blood spot from earlier on the mattress.

He sighed and covered it with the pillows as you sat on the opposite side, blankets being brought up over your body.

He didnt know what to say, so he simply walked back into the bathroom to clean the floor.

He wanted to vomit, the grief struck into his chest was too much for him and as he wiped up blood and dirty laundry, he wept.

You laid in bed, body sore and head pounding. You couldnt sleep, so you didnt try. Your eyes just stayed looking up at the ceiling, silently asking God why this happened to you. You watched taehyung quietly walk out of the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen without saying a word.

He tossed the laundry in a bin, stopping for a moment while he was alone, breathing shakily.

He looked over at the gifts he set up prior to the incident. The fruit was now turning rotten from being left out in the air. He blew his nose before going and throwing the container away.

The guilt in his chest will eat him alive for the rest of his life.

He should have been here.

Yeah, he may not have been able to stop it, but he couldve sat you through it....

instead, you sat alone and confused on the floor as it happened, trying to call him over and over again.

He exhaled as he grabbed his phone that sat on the counter since early this morning, opening the texts.

my love: hey....where r u? - 6:23am

he frowned, scrolling down

my love : baby please come home, where did u go? - 6:27am

One missed call from "My Love" - 6:30am

He teared up as he read them

My love: taehyung... something is wrong with the baby I think.. please hurry I dont feel good, im scared - 6:38am

He tossed down his phone and took a deep breath before peaking back to the bedroom, he slowly walked in and spoke

"are you okay?"

He knew it was a dumb question, obviously you weren't okay, and wont be for a long time.

You shrugged, watching him before he climbed into the bed beside you.

Your arms welcomed your boyfriend, pulling him closer as he laid his head in your chest. "are you in pain?"

You shook your head, too exhausted to use words.

"can I do anything?" he sniffed, looking at you sadly

You shook your head once more, unable to look down at his face, instead, focusing your eyes at the wall across the room.

Taehyung gave up, settling to just lay and hold and cry and comfort you for however long you needed.

His mind raced back to the night he held you in this exact way, when you admitted you were pregnant.

Same scared feeling, different emotions, different outcome.

What scared him the most is that he really, truly, doesn't know if they will bounce back after this.

Something so.....traumatic.

You missed out on so many adventures and its not fair. No gender reveal, no feeling the baby kicks, no painting the nursery, nothing.....no baby.

It was like you wheel of fortune had been blocked off, now you sat in the road with no ways to turn, no where to go, nothing to say.

How do people move on from this?

They dont.

a/n: sorry....

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yeah idk that i have much to say abt lars’s room, there’s just like these three shots & the fact that it seems to have so little in it and is so such a strategically defendable location as the attic seems to be the most telling...lars hiding up in the attic just killing time really

the fact the attic has windows is pretty sick first of all. but really it seems like the whole of lars’s stuff is confined to like, the dresser and the mirrors, maybe the table the tv’s on wasnt already up there, maybe that sidetable deal was moved up there too, theres the bed, and all his clothes. it feels like maybe the armchair was already up there, or maybe it was in his old room. i think that display case thing in the corner was already in the attic...the inside is all colorful and seems like photo albums maybe...the boxes on the shelf on the left are probably all storage. then theres the storage boxes on the floor + paint cans. those coats in the back probably arent his either. i like how there’s sort of just islands of clothes / blankets / whatever. idk what to make of the green sheets / towels hanging up on the right side there. i like how it seems like really all there is to do is play video games, coz probably thats the case. or use the tissue box by the bed. lol

the stack of cds.....how many are mixes he made himself. hmm. see i doubt any of the coats in the frame are his.

if any of these stickers on the wall are specific references, theyre too deep for me. i like that he has this tiny personalized corner of decoration. i also like that he just pitched his jeans in a corner. a lifestyle. imo that stopsign probably got knocked over by a car or any of the biweekly catastrophic events and lars was just like lol that would be cool to have a road sign so he dragged it home and snuck it upstairs at one point to be metal. that stuff in the display case shelves really cant be his because he would not be that neat and it seems like albums and not anything like books. if he likes books you’d think he’d have more and if he doesn’t you’d think he wouldn’t bother.

well thats all i think

[killshotspectre]

MORE THOUGHTS! MORE THOUGHTS! MORE THOUGHTS! 

stevens dream where he swaps from pink to rose to himself, also horrifying!

“she prefers to be called steven” BLUE DIAMOND WILL RESPECT YOUR PREFERRED NAME!! pronouns may take some getting used to but its a start!

blue throwing hands at yellow then looking surprised at herself. a blessing. and then they both start throwing hands like fucking children! bleessssssss

every fucking face that yellow made and her fucking ugly crying gave me life and watered my crops. yellow has not mastered the pretty cry like blue and im HERE. FOR. IT.

speaking of yellow, you can tell there were a lot of hands on this special because the art style changes so frequently. steven and pink steven were the worst of it (of course its meant to be jarring like the kids fucking dying here but even when they fuse back its still just as jarring, his eyes were too tiny lol) but the rest wasnt too bad

lapis and peris new outfits had me SCREAMINGGGG!!! i was so excited for my babies!!

the eyes on whites head ship were fucking hilarious and a true blessing, i would like to thank everyone who had a hand in creating that perfection

the fusions! THE FUCKING FUSIONS!! OBSIDIAN IS BEAUTIFUL LOVELY WONDERFUL I LOVE HER!! ALSO THE NEW OUTFITS IM LIVING FOR THEM!!

theory confirmation! theory confirmation everywhere! forget calling it change your mind, call it rebecca confirms your theories

I CANT BELIEVE THEY KILLED OFF STEVEN ON SCREEN! you show that shit to kids rebecca? you approve of this nightmare fuel?? of killing 14 y/os????? you monster... im joking dont @ me.....

the way things were going i really thought white was right and pink diamond was going to reform. what we got was so much fucking wooooorse. i didnt need to know what would happen if stevens gem was removed, i really didnt!

but hey, garnet was right all along, STEVEN IS A FUSION!

white diamond defeated by the power of embarrassment. well done, we should follow stevens example and call those who oppose us what they are, babies, and shame them into submission (not a joke, some people should be shamed for their horrible actions)

LARS!!!!! FIIIINALLYYYYY!!!!! YOU TOOK! SO! LOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!

IS NO ONE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HOW STEVEN ALMOST DIED??????? SEEMS TRAUMATIC!! SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TALKING ABOUT!!!!! NO? JUST GONNA SING INSTEAD???

ALL THE GEMS! ALL THE GEMS! ALL THE GEMS! ALL THE GEMS! ALL! THE! GEMS! i love them all and id die for each and every one of them

also the diamonds sitting in roses fountain....did she know?? it seems so...deliberate. so thought out, so planned.. pink/rose knew more than she let on, more than we even get to see and its almost scary how much it seems like all of this was her plan for who knows how long. of course she could have tried this on her own but it wouldnt have worked. look at how all the events happened, it had to be steven! im not trying to say that steven wasnt created out of love but creating steven was most definitely part of her plan

the special seemed so final but theres more to be uncovered here, more to be resolved...i cant wait!

[fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression]

Wait is Braun really a Trump supporter?! Is THAT why so many people don't like him outside of kayfabe too? Oh jeez I thought y'all were just being mean in that case ew he's going in the box with Lars Sullivan and that dude from Forgotten Sons LMAO

i really dont know if he’s a tr*mp supporter, wouldnt be surprised if he was tho. he has said some fucked up shit before tho

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what's happening that's cool in the next couple weeks (in yr life, that you know of)? also what Outfit and or look would you like to get the opportunity to pull off someday

ah man not a gatdamn thing...if i look at it from a really boring perspective though i can say that if i write a decent amount and draw something i’ll be pleasantly surprised. but that doesnt count as looking forward to something i suppose. a comic ive been reading for i guess abt a year and a half is wrapping up soonish so i guess its a safe bet that i’ll be looking at updates of that at least once in the next two weeks, and going “wow i didnt see that coming” since i have virtually no predictionsive never been able to really like...freely build myself a wardrobe and i wish i had that opportunity. rn ive got one thats decent enough but really just a few pairs of jeans and basically all graphic tees / tees w some pattern on them or something. a few things are pretty fun but its not that much of a variety. i do have some sandals i like a lot, and some leggings and jewelry i collected along the way of life, coz i like fun necklaces and bracelets and stuff, when they fit my Aesthetic. my taste there runs cheap and fun...sparkly stuff & like necklaces w a starfish charm or whatever or my lars themed string of purple quartz crystals, etc, etcmy style kind of varies! the jeans / cool comfy tee look is honestly adequate for me, but i also like a little more Fashionable style, like casual layers and shit. there’s one end of my tastes where i tend to really like bright colors and glitter, rhinestones are a plus, i have a solid affinity for short shorts now, thats all great. but i also like sort of a more boring comfy fashion, i like soft long sweaters and more muted colors where there’s elements of strong contrast still are good too. some things i always like are uhhh like fitted type jeans, v necks, wide necks / off the shoulder stuff in general, horizontal stripes, stars, a good gradient. i have actually a really good light layer plaid buttondown that goes from red orange to blue, and i found a necklace with the same gradient in the opposite direction, i should remember to wear that next time im in public for some reasonin theory i ought to keep my eye out for like shirts with yknow where they have a bar of rainbow stripes across the chest or somewhere. yeahcolor-wise i like to wear blue & i ought to wear more green, thats prob the color that looks best on me. but blue is good too and i love it best. blueish greens and greenish blues, basicallyi also wish i had a baseball cap i really liked that i could wear all the time. i used to have a fantastic pair of prescription sunglasses that just vanishedin theory also, i like to think up slightly less casual Looks with like great jackets and stuff but realistically i do like to keep things ultimately really easy to put together & every piece to be really versatile. and a lot of times what i know is a good outfit that i could imagine myself wearing wouldnt actually look that great on me, so irl i wouldnt get all that ambitious abt things...i tend to just imagine wearing super coordinated stuff than i would b/c of the fact its all theoretical and all i really do is put on whatever tshirt i feel like Of The Day. and even if i was choosing from a lot of options, i’d still probably keep things ultimately comfortable and casual within the realm of putting together a good outfitso maybe some life cycle when i have a wholeass walk in closet and unlimited funds to spend on my (at least pretty inexpensive) tastes...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

s2g that moss has even been foreshadowing that lars was gonna get briefly killed like…not that specific but since we’re shown that the moss is lars and the flowers have a bit of gem in them…………

ppl are always weird about stuff everywhere smh but like…theres been obviously weird things like being way more ok with ancient beings ready to destroy all life on the planet than lars being too ill-tempered or doing something selfish like…i see that…. like lars doesnt need to be redeemed for anything jeez. every episode where he does something crap its on a minor scale vs like endangering lives or something and he gets k.o’d for it and then makes some sincere form of apology like? theres your redemption…i guess maybe people expect him to become acceptable overnight maybe but thats how people work and then every episode is like The Lesson of the Week instead of a closer look at a character and another step in their development as people figuring themselves out

like literally every character has issues smh! in like this and everything also but like….honestly lars has been a super self conscious and anxious teen from the start and really unhappy and like sometimes he does dumbass shit but who hasnt. if you think youve never hurt people you havent been paying close enough attention

anyways one of the things i really dont like? despite general overall stuff like teenaged lars momentarily losing his patience and realizing he’s in the wrong and immediately trying to make amends = him being judged more harshly than like….every millenia-old actually murderous actual antagonist introduced…. is that overall? its like really really clear really early on that he’s always struggling with a lot of mental health issues, and a common theme is irl people who really do have disorders pointing this out. like, that point can be made for every character in su and lars isnt The Mentally Ill One who alone represents the whole of the universal mental illness experience because obviously that doesnt exist and its a very unique and personal experience, and people dont have to directly relate to lars or any other character with such problems to verify their own. but lars and the cool kids is like super upfront about anxiety and he obv has really low confidence and low self worth and i’ll fight anytime about island adventure hinting strongly at depression—in addition to having him state outright that he feels lonely and isolated all the time. and like, he hates the job he works all the time, he’s not good in school, he and sadie feel an early connection but they obviously had to do a lot of work on that and step on each other’s emotional fingers along the way to finally get to where they are now—which i’m guessing is dating but without acknowledging so or at least not to others, he isn’t very close to his parents currently, he starts the series with 1.5 friends maximum and cant even approach the cool kids besides being desperate to be friends with them

like clearly he’s unhappy and for a while sadie and steven are probably the people closest to him even tho he is a lot more annoyed by steven at the start of things when steven is more little-kiddish than he is now…..but lars still acts mostly like himself around them But at the start him and sadie have too many complications and uncertainties to be really comfortable and again steven doesnt really come across as very mature, with lars pointing it out just now how stevens changed in that way, and it being difficult anyways for lars to confide in anybody

so like lars is and has always been super super defined and restricted by his fear of everybody he encounters, specifically being afraid of being hurt by them / fear of being disliked. i like to say that i think the way he prevents himself / his image is meant to be a way of controlling the reactions he expects people to have: i.e. making people dislike him is less scary/painful than being judged badly while hoping for the opposite. but i also never like saying that anyone who consciously cultivates their Look is faker than someone who doesnt put any thought into it, or is lying to themselves or others or whatever, i just would bet thats a part of it. but moreso than that, the fact that he’s irritable and ill-tempered all the time fits really well as a result of being so unhappy and afraid and trying to deal with it solo. it’s not about him not caring about people, when on an unrelated note but related-to-the-universal-human-experience he does something thoughtless or mean or just generally crosses a line, he notices immediately when someone feels hurt, and he’s shown to immediately feel bad, arguably to a fault and going too far with how guilty he feels. but anyways clearly even though he has the capacity to hurt people’s feelings, he’s very sensitive to that, he cares deeply when it happens, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. like apologizing with any genuine depth to it right off is an incredibly difficult task even for grownass adults, and lars is already really good at it. its wild that people think of him as super cruel and selfish when it’s clear that he’s very emotionally vulnerable and doesn’t have the capacity to callously disregard other people’s hurt feelings

anyways a point i’m taking a really long time to come around to is that lars is a really good example of someone who’s young and unhappy and isolated and really struggling with a lot of things and afraid of everything and the fact is that usually when youre looking for characters who are struggling with this kind of shit you get one-dimensional, maybe even one-episode characters like the person who shows up for the very special episode where everyone has a serious talk and learns a serious lesson and the Depression Character never shows up again, having gone off to be depressed somewhere else since we already know about depressed people. or depression and anxiety is something that can be solved literally overnight if you just confront the root cause, like eliminating the life problem that made x depressed or giving y a makeover or throwing them a surprise party to show them they have friends or something. or you learn that joe the bully is actually just physically violent because he is insecure, whoa man. or the Sad Kid is a running joke and a periphery character and their parents are getting divorced etc etc etc etc

the point is that lars is a main character and even when he learns things about himself that put him in a better place than when the episode began, his issues still don’t vanish (and i wouldnt be surprised if people use that as evidence that his character doesnt “grow”). and dealing with / revealing some of his issues arent a special episode, its just an episode, and its about him. he’s developed over and over and he’s shown to be a complicated person. he’s shown to enjoy things and have interests and a life. he’s a regular character as much as anyone else is, he isnt set aside in a special category

but the thing is that maybe people expect Mentally Ill™ characters to be more of the hamfisted media clichés with zero nuance and about as much accuracy to them? because there’s always the sweet-and-soft kind of person who’s surely dealing with mental illness acceptably because they make up for it by being pure and noble and something approximately like a newborn lamb. like depression is being maybe a bit cagey and avoidant and crying a lot and writing poetry (which will later be revealed as their secret talent!!) and sighing and generally just waiting for someone to approach them, very gently because they are shy and nervous like a fawn, and that savior will cure them with love and also with showing them how beautiful life is!!! and then they will start wearing more colorful clothes and they will be happy and the depression is over now, because someone just had to show their delicate, beautifully wounded soul the light

trauma? you can tell someone has Trauma because they act very stoic and strong 1000% of the time no exceptions but it is just a façade. they will never talk about The Thing. they will finally talk about the thing because someone pries about it with pure intentions and it is a big dramafest and theyve never talked about this before and everyone cries and its super serious and heavy and the person is a bit softer after that because they could finally let it out that one time. thanks, another savior. having disorders is just having turned away from the light

the point is that irl obviously things are very different and its rare to see people with such issues being treated the same as any other character and being able to grow in a realistic way and being able to have flaws the way that everyone else does, not having to be a pure defenseless dewy-eyed baby kitten who someone strong and Normal needs to rescue and put on the right path away from these problems forever. being pissed off and frustrated and confused but trying a lot of different ways to figure things out anyways is a lot more common, the way lars reacts to and deals with his vulnerability is a lot more realistic than just being a fairy-tale in-distress type figure. his character feels a million times more like he was developed by people who understand what its like to be experiencing what he does and developed for people who can relate to him, rather than being made by and for people who cant directly relate and who tend to make content thats wholly inaccurate and treats that kind of thing like an Other issue for Others that you only need to learn bullet points about because if its going to be a part of your life it’ll be a fleeting, one-time thing, not your everyday reality

i mean, its unsurprising that lars is actually pretty comfortable with steven now, given how long theyve known each other, but also how relentless steven is in being supportive of lars and treating him like a friend. its not surprising that it took lars this long to accept that, or that it was in part forced along by being stuck in a “we might die” scenario with steven. and its important to point out that this wasn’t just lars changing that made their relationship better, but steven growing as a person as well. if you put both if them in that situation during the start of the series, they could probably get along better than usual still, but you cant say that this is the first sign of lars developing any more than you can say this is stevens first development. lars has been struggling with himself just as steven has, although not in a fate-of-the-world way till now. lars couldnt be so conscious of his own fear and frustrated with it, and steven wouldnt have the maturity to do stuff like freakin sacrifice himself for earth by separating himself from the other crystal gems, much less lend lars the emotional support needed to give lars enough confidence to protect the off-colors

lars has been developing the whole time and even if people look at individual episodes and think lars learns nothing during them, i cant see how anyone could deny that this isn’t a turning point for lars as much as its the culmination of a gradual path he’s already been on. not to mention that “turning point” has implications like “redemption arc,” as if lars was inherently bad or worthless at the start of the series. he wasn’t; none of the characters were, but each character and all of their relationships were least developed of course. we see details and different sides of the donuts right away, and they both care enough about steven to treat him more as a little brother than a customer and to humor him sometimes. theyve always been important, and the fact that lars has always been a main character in the set of protagonists and that steven has always been a friend means that he cannot be converted by a “redemption” arc. he’s already there smh he’s always been there. seriously name one episode where he’s done something shitty and didnt do anything to make up for it. the only thing unresolved rn is he couldnt fight topaz for sadie, and he said himself he felt guilty over it, and it was already at that point the boldest thing he’d done and like, its not that unreasonable for a wisp of a teen to be terrified by a giant gem warrior that he had zero chance of doing anything to anyways. it wasnt glistening heroics but if thats gonna condemn lars like throw me in the pit too i guess. then he went and died for twelve individuals and left himself defenseless in hostile unfamiliar territory so that steven can go back to earth so thats something. but before all this alien drama like, again…..he’s always directly apologizing for shit and he’s just making everyday kinds of fuckups. he beats himself up about stuff. and gets beat up. and really like doesnt ever require an apology when he’s the one to get hurt, which isnt a requirement by any means and which is probably part of him thinking too badly of himself

the point? that maybe i still havent made besides saying i was gonna make it like half a dozen times?? is that lars is a really real portrayal of a person dealing with things in a real way. and its not the “pain is transcendent” thing where if someone is Suffering from mental illness it makes them wiser and kinder and holier than us regular people. its not where all you need to help someone with mental illness is one incidence of reaching out and telling them you love them and look at the stars and isnt it lovely. its not where disorders themselves are an arc and at the end, people’s personalities will be indistinguishable from that of those who never experienced what they did. its where dealing with this shit is normal and human and everyday and its not beautiful and its not gonna make other people “inspired” or get to feel good about themselves as your savior. its about pushing people away or having them avoid you anyways because they can hurt you in ways they can’t understand as being hurtful and shits confusing and sometimes kids will lash out and i bet lars was a lot more Difficult closer to stevens age than he is now. its about characteristics that seem ugly or repulsive or otherwise don’t directly cry out for help. its about shit staying with you even while you’re trying to figure out how to work through it. its about the unpleasantness of it all but also the real humanity behind it, not just using it as some device. lars’s problems are about lars and belong to him

and yeah of course he hurts people, but literally all the characters do; it has nothing to do with having disorders or not. everyone hurts each other even though they love each other, sometimes with the best intentions or 0% knowingly because they just have to figure out more things about themselves and each other. everything is about people making mistakes. lars is no worse in that matter than any of the other characters, he just happens to have a less appealing/inviting personality, god forbid less relatable. in the recent episodes he didnt have his usual defensive abrasiveness, even his frustration with steven in “stuck together” wasn’t that significant, and wasnt even much directed at steven. after that he was just scared, without it being masked by anger. he could be brave for the other gems because he knew he wanted to be brave and he knew how it felt for them to be so afraid and he was finally told that it was an okay thing that he still felt terrified. he could be completely himself with steven because of all the ways steven has gotten to know lars and refused to stop valuing him and how steven has grown to be someone who could protect others on his own in serious situations—which in this case included supporting lars emotionally as well as protecting him physically. if lars was dropped in that situation with the kid who just learned to summon his shield and was having an ice cream crisis five minutes ago, he couldnt trust or rely on him or count on him for encouraging advice. the way lars is in the wanted arc being so different from earlier episodes is as much about stevens development as lars’s really

like the real lars is and always has been deeply sensitive to peoples feelings (to the point he feels extremely vulnerable to them e.g. afraid of being hurt by being regarded negatively) and he’s always cared about the people he feels close to and he’s always been capable of moments of bravery for the sake of others and he likes wrestling and he’s good at cooking and he’s a dumbass sometimes and he watches scary movies and plays video games and sucks at school and is grumpy and is passionate and is scared and is a huge nerd with nerd parents and he never got over feeling hurt by the explorer club incident and he doesnt like fries and he and his coworker like each other and relate to each other and he sees steven as his annoying little brother and he doesnt know what he wants and also he’s a bi icon, it must be exhausting

lars has always been good and complex and i might be willing to forgive my slight disappointment in people realizing he’s good only now if and only if they go back and acknowledge that he’s been good this whole time. like obviously he doesn’t have to be your Fave or even “liked” to just be not hated or to be recognized as a complex, solid character. lars is so, so developed, probably more than any other human. he’s always been important, even before his importance had direct cosmic significance. he’s always shown signs of being thoughtful and caring and soft, and the fact that he’s hurt people he cares about and who care about him isnt evidence that he’s bad, not only because of the fact that literally all the Good characters hurt each other, but because irl hurting people you love isnt even necessarily evidence of a failure, its just an inevitability, and what happens following the event is whats a lot more telling than the fact any negative emotions were ever a part of a good relationship

anyways what’s definitely true is that lars didnt need to die. it wasnt a necessary atonement for anything lars has ever done. he didnt and doesnt need to be redeemed. he just was willing to risk his life for gems in a situation he could immediately relate to, and that risk happened to win out momentarily. besides, what lars was overcoming in that situation was his own fear, it wasnt anything that caused the stuff in the past that people seem to think so badly of him for. he was also protecting steven, sure, but steven was pretty much fine by the end of it coz of his shield. but he also hadnt ever really Not protected steven or anything so he didnt really need to make up for that or whatever

also one more thing ive always meant to bring up is that lars doesnt think much of himself and is prone to being too hard on himself but i know there are probably plenty of people who believe him when he says he needs to “deserve” being alive again. nah!!!! lars always deserved it