#it would destroy my friendship with these people but i'm so angry at the level of disregard and dishonesty they consistently show

[siriuslysatorusimping]

sorry kiko but i have a toxic relationship with angst and characters suffering now i dont want them to suffer i want them to be happy but....

tbh i think this is the work of akutami and isayama (aot, btw have u watched or read aot?? ) i blame them 😭

buttttt if we are gonna have anything angsty it has to be temporary only cause 😭 i cant

So, aot lost me really early on. Like really early on. I just wasn't interested in it. It was too much for me. It's this idea that there's too much despair under the guise of being hopeful... Like, idk, something about it just didn't work for me.

JJK is at the point where it feels cruel. To both fans and Gojo. Because Akutami can bullshit all he wants with that afterlife scene, but Gojo didn't do any of the things he really wanted to do, so I don't buy that he died without regrets. It felt so false for him to imply that he doesn't have regrets. And it felt like a way to pretend Akutami wanted to appease the people he knew would be angry.

As for angst, I'm all for some angst. But there's angst with a purpose - which is what Echoes in the Void and (Please) Prove Me Wrong were - and then there's a point where it legitimately feels cruel.

At this point, some of the things people are saying they think should happen or would add to the angst would feel cruel to do to Rinko after everything she has been through.

The physical trauma she's been through is more than enough break her, but she's kept going in multiple situations because she had to.

But the emotional damage? Guys.

Like, you've gotta remember that at this point, Gojo is basically all she has left.

Her mom has been gone for years. Mai is gone. Megumi is currently gone. She's lost Nanami.

Remember, Nanami was Rinko's drinking buddy, her annoying, dumbass little brother who teased her and drove her insane, who she loved so much. His friendship was almost more important to her than Goo's because it offered a level of comfort and stability that even she closed herself off from with Gojo to protect her heart. She lost him. And she knows that it isn't her fault, but that doesn't make that pain go away.

Gojo gave her that time to mourn him, that was the moment in the shower when she broke down. The silence that we skipped over between after they spoke and when the shower was done was her finally getting to grieve her best friend. She's not done, but it was the first time she was able to let herself really begin to feel that weight of the reality that he's gone. The fact that she will never see him again.

She has lost everyone. There's genuinely only so much more she could take before her heart would literally just stop working.

People have said that they really like how emotionally realistic Rinko is, and emotionally realistic Rinko would literally die of a broken heart if she went through too much more.

I'm gonna be honest with you: Once she sees Gojo 'die' (because in my canon he's gonna come back) Rinko is going to go in to fight Sukuna with the intent to die doing it. She's going to live, and she's going to destroy him decisively. Not even a competition if he can't beat her domain out. But she's going to go in thinking she's gonna die. And she doesn't care. Because at that point, all of her reasons for living are gone. So she's going to go in with the sole intent to take him with her.

She's gonna live. She's gonna literally psychologically torment Sukuna and then chop that fucker's head off and smash it into nothing. And then she's going to get out and wish she was dead, and then she'll see Megumi and realize she has at least one reason to live. And then Gojo will show back up, and she'll just fucking collapse because she's so fucking tired.

It isn't just going to be Gojo wanting to retire and disappear for a while (if not forever). She's going to agree with him. She's literally going to just look up and be like "I'm so fucking done with this shit. Fuck all this shit. Yuuta, you go kill the guy in Geto's body and burn it, son. Super proud of you. K, cool. BYE."

And they're gonna nope the fuck out and let the kids handle it while Rinko sleeps for a literal week.

[thevalleyisjolly]

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[thebreakfastgenie]

How do you reconcile your reading of BJ’s motivations over destroying the still in Period of Adjustment as not being to do with Trapper with BJ saying what he does (“he built that still with you”) etc? I agree that people make a joke out of the “Trapper Complex” that make it seem like a bigger issue than it is within the show, and I agree that his actions in that episode were an amalgamation of many, many things, but within the script BJ himself identifies one of his issues as being tied to Trapper and Hawkeye’s past building of the still together. Is it that you just see it being a symbol of Trapper alone?

I may have been unclear in my post (no surprise there) but I don't think it's not about Trapper at all. I just don't think Trapper is the driving motivation. I was actually thinking about this because I don't think he needed to explain why he did it (he was drunk, hurting, angry, and violent) but he does explain it as "he built that still with you."

I think we shouldn't forget that BJ breaks the still after Hawkeye points out that drinking is not going to help the situation or make him feel better. I think that gets left out a lot, because of BJ's later explanation, but I think it's significant. It reads like a tantrum. Like, oh yeah? Well, I'll show you!

But back to Trapper... like I said, he is jealous of Trapper for being home. The full line is:

Radar's home, Hawk. I should be glad for him. But I'm not! I'm so torn up with envy, I almost hate him! And I feel the same way about Trapper, and I never even met him. But he built that still with you, and-- and he-- he's home too.

So textually it's pretty clear that he's upset because these other people got to go home, and he's still here. He broke the still because it reminds him of Trapper (at least in part-- the actual scene still feels like an undirected rage to me), but the reason that's a problem is that Trapper is home and BJ is still in Korea. It's not about Trapper specifically, it's about another person getting to go home to his family (like Radar just did!) while BJ is separated from his. It's also worth noting that BJ knows he's Trapper's replacement, so on some level he might feel like he's in Korea because Trapper is home, which is not entirely irrational (though of course it's the army's fault, not Trapper's).

I do think there's an extent to which Trapper's friendship with Hawkeye bothers BJ because it's proof Hawkeye can and did survive without BJ, while BJ doesn't know how he would survive without Hawkeye. And maybe a little plain old jealousy, I just don't think it's extreme as is often suggested.

Does that make sense? Let me know if it doesn't.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Yes hi, I'd love to know more about your tourettes sokka hc if you're up for it 👀 I'm starving for tourettes hcs so 👀

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!! I can talk about this SO MUCH (I will warn now, there will be some Zukka in this) okay so I guess I’ll start at the beginning...

Sokka was six when he started showing symptoms

It started with just some motor tics but everyone kind of just attributed it to this kid has a lot of energy ahhh

It became more noticeable when he kept almost killing himself with weapons because of his tics and slight carelessness

That’s one reason why he loves boomerang so much, none of the other weapons felt right to him and they would always get in the way of his tics, but he could throw boomerang and it would come back to him so he could keep throwing it and it made him feel calm

Then, Sokka started saying stuff that he didn’t mean to say, but again, everyone was just like hyper kid because it’s not like he was doing anything wrong

But they realized something was up when Sokka started yelling “FIRE NATION” without intending to and sending the whole tribe in a panic

So, Hakoda took Sokka to a nearby trustworthy Earth Kingdom village and that’s where Sokka got diagnosed with Tourette’s (and ADHD)

One of the things with Sokka is touch, like, he feels like touch is constricting and restraining sometimes. The problem is, he LOVES touch, he is a touchy person, but when someone touches him without telling him first or asking him, he doesn’t like it.

Sometimes he mentally shuts down when it happens, sometimes he tics more, the reaction depends on his anxiety levels and who touched him and when and where

The only people he gave a pass to was Kya and Katara. He didn’t even like it when Hakoda put a hand on his shoulder.

It was weird, he could feel the difference when Katara and Kya touched him compared to anyone else and he felt bad because he wanted his dad to hug him, but it felt so wrong

So, Sokka loves touch, but he likes to initiate it

So, moving forward, Sokka and Katara meet Aang, he’s the Avatar, they join and you know, there’s Aang the Avatar, Katara the Waterbender, and Sokka the guy with Tourette’s on the team

At least, that’s how they are known amongst the Fire Nation

Going undercover is so fun for Sokka, but he also has to be really conscious of what he’s doing and what he says and trying to suppress

It takes a lot out of him, but he knows he literally has to do it or he could get caught or expose them and Aang or Katara could get caught

On occasion, he has tic attacks (and for those who don’t know, they’re essentially a really bad TS day or moment where your tics are more consistent and seem to hurt more or you just have like an unending moment of tics where you just can’t stop for a little while. They are usually caused by anxiety or overstimulation or something like that, but they differ for everyone with TS)

The first time it happened in front of Aang, the sweet child panicked because he didn’t really understand what was happening and why Sokka was doing that and really what TS was

Katara is an angel, seriously. She is so sweet to Sokka when this happens and she knows exactly how to ground him and help him get through it

(Seriously, Sokka appreciates her so much. She is genuinely the one exception and anytime she wants a hug or any kind of touch she is allowed to do it)

the first time it happens in front of Toph when she joins is in Bitter Work when Sokka was in the hole

Just looking at Sokka in the whole sends my anxiety up because he literally can’t move! So like, imagine being in a hole for like five hours+ and needing to move like physically and you can feel the sensation in your body and it hurts and burns and tingles but you can’t. Sokka is not having a good time

So, Toph drags him out of the hole and is freaked out because she can’t see what’s happening and it’s scary because Sokka is making noises and hyperventilating and his heart rate is through the roof and Aang ran to get Katara and she can’t touch him because when she pulled him out of the hole he shrieked

She’s cool with it after that, she doesn’t think of him any less or anything, but it terrified her the first time because no one told her he had TS because they forgot to mention it and she couldn’t see what was happening

We all know that Sokka loves Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors with his whole entire heart and once they kicked his butt and helped him learn that sexism is bad, they were so fun to work with?? They taught him their style, obviously, but they also helped him incorporate his TS into it and how to use it to his advantage, something he had been struggling with his whole life

One of the things Sokka loved most about Yue is that she never even mentioned his sounds or movements she just let him do it without questioning him and that doesn’t happen a lot

I feel like Sokka having TS would make his time with Piandao even kore meaningful because he really struggles to keep his hands still so sword fighting does not come naturally to him

Piandao loves it though because it just makes Sokka even more clever and resourceful and he takes his time with Sokka, helping him as much as he can and never getting angry or anything when he can’t stand still

He also added more to what Sokka learned from the Kyoshi Warriors about incorporating his TS into his fighting and using it to his advantage

Not only was his sword an extension of his arm, but his TS was an extension as well

Did Toph and Aang help Sokka incorporate his tics into their scams? Yes, yes they did

Zuko joining the team was weird for Sokka because they kind of just clicked and he realized that they both have a weird thing with touch

On the balloon to Boiling Rock, Sokka is just comfortable around Zuko and his tics are like “cool yeah, have a break” and so he doesn’t tic and Zuko just “why aren’t you ticcing?”

and Sokka is ??? “Huh?”

and Zuko “You usually tic but you aren’t now. Why?”

and Sokka essentially explains that TS is weird and random and sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t, but he’s really comfortable and calm so his body is like “ye, let’s chill for now”

and Zuko is like “oh. that’s good. I kinda miss it though”

and Sokka d i e s because what?? Someone likes his tics enough to miss them? Like, they don’t annoy Zuko and he doesn’t tune them out?

and the bender goes on to explain that he likes the noises, they remind him that he is doing the right thing and that he’s here and he didn’t hurt team Avatar and they’re just comfortable / pleasing to the ear

and Sokka DIES

but then Zuko is like mmm maybe you should stay in the balloon and I’ll go to Boiling Rock and Sokka got pissed because he thinks Zuko said it because he’s a nonbender and he starts panicking and ticcing and Zuko panics and kind of just grabs his hand and Sokka... Sokka doesn’t hate it? Like, it feels nice and doesn’t agitate him?

but Zuko was like no I mean because everyone in the Fire Nation guard knows about the guy on team Avatar with TS and I don’t want you to get hurt

At one point in the prison courtyard, Sokka verbally tics really loudly about the moon and some guards hear and head to where they are so Zuko covers for him by screaming about how much he loves the moon

One of the worst moments in Sokka’s life was when Toph was falling and he grabbed her, but he wanted to tic and he knew that if he did, Toph would fall and die and he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t

(he still has nightmares about it happening)

when Sokka becomes an ambassador, some people are pissed because well 1) Watertribe 2) he’s a child 3) they suck 4) they think he’s distracting with his tics and Zuko is not here for it so he will destroy them

Like one time (after they started dating) Zuko overheard some councilors mocking Sokka’s tics and he got PISSED like so pissed and he went off and the found Sokka and hugged him because he is allowed to

oh! Sokka and Zuko’s thing is like hand-holding okay? They both kind of hate it because weird touch stuff, but it’s okay when they do it to each other?? Like, it feels right and like they’re completed and whole and it’s nice

before they start dating, they kind of do it a lot. Like, night before Zuko’s coronation, Sokka finds Zuko and he’s freaking out because what if he ends up like his dad and Sokka kind of just... grabs his hand and they sit there

Sokka is panicking because chronic pain and the cold of home makes it worse and Zuko finds him crying in the library and just... holds his hand

Zuko keeps little things on him all the time like paperclips and paper and writing utensils and things that click and buttons and stuff so if Sokka looks stressed during a meeting he can slip something under the table to him so he can play with it

Sokka also draws a lot during meetings, like, he doesn’t look at anyone throughout the whole meeting, even when he talks. He is able to focus more and pay more attention when he is doing something with his hands so he draws and doodles and sometimes takes notes

Sometimes he just writes the same word or sentence over and over again throughout the whole meeting

Sokka has sensory issues and a lot of noise stresses him out

It’s kind of the opposite of Zuko’s sensory issues? Like, Zuko doesn’t like loud noises and Sokka doesn’t like kind of static-y noises, like... when things sound muffled or muted or people are talking kind of quietly over each other

(Zuko definitely gives Sokka massages when his tics hurt a lot)

Random, but after awhile “yip yip” became a verbal tic of Sokka’s. Sometimes, he would say “you need to yip yip” and then he’d apologize to Appa and tell him that he’s yipping just fine

Toph is kind of like Zuko in how she likes Sokka’s verbal tics

She can’t see-see, but hearing his tics is nice sometimes, especially when she worries

She likes falling asleep to some of his tics

Even though Katara and Zuko are allowed to touch him whenever they want, more often than not they ask first because friendship is magic

Suki is lovely, okay? Like, just her presence is enough to make him feel better and she approaches helping him in a different way, she just talks to him and asks him questions to help him take his mind off of it

Sokka really doesn’t hate his TS, like, yeah, sometimes it pisses him off more than he can even explain, but it’s a part of him and as much as he cherishes when he can sit still, it’s wrong, it’s not him? He sits weirdly in chairs and changes his position every two minutes, he rocks his legs in his sleep, he sometimes even finds his own tics grounding...

Over time and with help from his friends, he learned to not be ashamed and that having TS didn’t make him ant less of a warrior

also, he, Toph, and Zuko are the disabled club✌🏻(and it makes them feel better sometimes in their own little way)

I have a lot more I could say but this is already pretty long, so I’ll end this sweet with Katara is amazing and Sokka’s relationship with her is wonderful and she knows how to help him with his tics in the way that Zuko does and can help center him like no one else and Sokka just loves her so much

Okay! Ah! That was kind of a lot but I hope you like them! Anyone can feel free to add more to this or lemme know if you have any ideas!

Thank you for the ask! I enjoyed writing these:)

[liibrii]

Chapter 2: Tattered 

Ojiro Aran x fem!reader

Series Masterpost || Ch. 1

wc: 3.2k

warnings: swearing, internalised guilt and shame, intrusive thoughts, self doubt, depression.

a/n: I don’t really have anything to say other than I’m enjoying writing for Aran so much. if you wanna be tagged in future chapters lemme know, and as always feedback is greatly appreciated! 

Aran knows people don't always mean what they say.  Even he had done it before and it destroyed a few of his relationships. Knowing that doesn't make your words hurt any less.

He tries to convince himself you didn't really mean it, still a part of him wonders if that's how you really feel. How you've always felt. For all those years he was assured of your friendship and now you've pulled the rug from under his feet. None of your words align with the image in his head. Perhaps you've never been the person he remembers. The you in his mind is just that, a memory, a perfect picture he created from bits and pieces he chose. Has he truly always seen only what he wanted to see?

Thoughts of you run through his mind as he stands on the back line. One more serve before he wraps up. Bam.

To always see good in people is what he was thought growing up and what he still tries to do to this day, even if years had thought him people aren't only their good sides. He always thought of you only at your best and failed to even get to know you properly. What kind of friend does that? You're in pain and he can't help because he has no idea where the wounds are. He has no idea where to look for them because he refused to see. 

Perhaps he is a terrible friend after all.

Bam. The ball gets caught in the net and falls. Aran watches it roll away before picking up another. He breathes deeply. It's all about focus, he reminds himself, even when his mind wants to slip he has to remain focused.

All of his teammates have left already. Home, to their partners, their families. What will he return home to? An empty apartment with take-out he'll eat on the couch. Alone. Maybe he should get a pet. But when will he have time to care for it?

Bam.

He should call home. Check on his friends. Maybe if he had checked on you more often then-

Bam.

What use is pondering over what could've been? With each serve his palm aches more, his muscles already sore from practice but he doesn't want to stop yet. One more.

“There's a difference between training hard and overdoing it, you know?“

Perhaps life is just memories of days long gone sipping into present.

When he turns to face you uneasiness rises in him. Any other time he'd be elated to see you. Now even words to greet you with escape him. You come closer, shoes softly squeaking on the gym's floor. “Doorman let me in. After a little bit of convincing.“

“Really?“

“No, I slipped past while his back was turned. How long are you planning on staying? I saw all of your teammates leave already.“

Aran turns the ball in his hands. It's becoming slippery from all the sweat. He can't bring himself to look you in the eyes. “My serves are gettin' sloppy. I need more practice.“

Bam.

You stay where you are, watching and fiddling with the strap of your bag, until you can't bear the silence anymore and speak up. “Aran, I actually wanted to talk to you. About you know... what I said.“

“T's okay. I know ya didn't mean it.“

“I did.“ Your voice eerily echoes in the otherwise empty gym. “As shitty as it is, it's how I felt.“ You're eyes stay fixed on the floor. “I'm sorry.“

Aran catches the ball he just threw in the air for another jump serve. When he looks over at you you're still intently focused on your shoelaces, gripping the strap of the bag so tight your knuckles turned white. Why are you beating yourself up so much? If you feel something, you feel it. What reason for it do you need to have? Knowing how you felt hurts, that much he can't deny. And yet he can't hold it against you.

He puts the ball on the top of your head, just like boys used to do back in high school to annoy you. “If ya really insist on apologisin' then I guess I have no other choice but to forgive ya.”

As his words sink in you shyly glance at him. “You sure?“

“'Course I am,“ smiles Aran, balancing the ball so it doesn't roll from the top of your head.

“You're not angry? At me?“

He takes the ball and starts throwing it from one hand to another. “Not really. Very surprised. A little hurt.“

“I'm sorry-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know,“ he cuts you off. “Set for me and we'll call it even.”

“Aran, my sets are in no way near the level you're used to.“

“So?“ he asks already walking over to fetch the ball cart. “Ya still remember where to stand, right?“ he teases, cackling softly when you roll your eyes and take off your bag and jacket, all while trying to hide a smile creeping on your lips.

It takes a few tries for you to remember how to make an overhand set. Aran's filled with giddy warmth when you manage to send the ball in the right position for him to spike it over the net. Perhaps all those lessons with Atsumu years ago didn't go to waste after all. Your little victory jump makes him burst into laughter and he rewards you with a high five.

It really is an echo of history.

Your skills are rusty, something that makes you apologise profusely every time you mess up, even after he reassures you he doesn't mind, and ruffles your hair.

With each set you relax more, till every smile and laugh seem sincere. Only now Aran realises how he missed this carefree side of you. Time always flies too fast when you're around and soon enough, out of breath and wiping the drops of sweat from your forehead, you call an end of this individual practice.

He hurries with showering and changing into fresh clothes, not wanting to leave you waiting for too long, especially since you have morning lessons tomorrow. He buys you a drink from the vending machine. It's not much, but staying hydrated is important, he tells you when you tease him about it.

“You know, that brought back a lot of memories,“ you say while walking to the train station, then poke his shoulder. “Thanks.“ The smile dancing over your lips makes his cheeks warm up. You glance over to the sky hiding behind a golden halo that city lights cast over the rooftops. “Do you ever miss Hyogo?“

“Sometimes.“

“I miss the stars.“ You kick a small stone from your path. “You've become quite a star too you know. With all the fans and attention I really wonder, do you get lonely?”

Your question catches him off guard. “I'm too busy to get lonely,“ he lies.

“I get lonely sometimes,“ your eyes still search for a glimmer of a distant star. “And tired. Some days I just want to sleep all day. Do you ever get the urge to do that? Skip practice and stay in bed?“

“No. If I skipped practice how will I become better?”

You purse your lips and nod. “That's why you're a professional athlete and I'm just trying to figure out why I have to separate blue and red laundry.“

“Those are two very different things.“

“Both are just some pieces of cloth. Why do I have to separate them? If they got problems with each other they should grow up and talk it out.” 

That’s not what he meant, but your slight annoyance over technicalities of doing laundry still makes him laugh.

In the coming days Aran checks his phone every chance he gets, just to see if you already wrote back. No matter what you talk about he wants to hear it; be it about your day or the delivery man being late with your order. His teammates notice and tease him about it yet he denies you're anything more than just a friend, and they exchange knowing looks when his back is turned. Even if his entire body heats up at the sole mention of your name Aran isn't ready to admit to himself, let alone others, he wants you to be more.

Not when he isn't sure if his feelings for you are being muddled by his memories.

That Tuesday you grab a dinner together that turns into a late night walk through the streets. It's not a date, Aran keeps reminding himself. It's just two friends hanging out as you've done a thousand times before. So why is his heart threatening to thump it's way out of his chest?

After that night weekly hanging out with you becomes a regular occurrence. Sometimes you go out to eat, sometimes you drag him along when you go shopping, saying he has a good eye for colour combinations. It has nothing to do with the fact he buys you ice cream every time. Some days you come to his place to play video games or watch movies. Seeing his favourite series making you laugh warms his heart.

As you become more comfortable around him your facade slowly, bit by bit, starts to crumble. He's scared to see what lies beneath yet at the same time he wishes it would break already. He can't help you if he doesn't know, can he?

Whatever is troubling you he wishes you'd trust him enough to confide in him. In the back of his mind lingers the question he's too scared too ask.

Does Kita know what's on your mind? Do you still talk to him?

You used to be close to the team. The one they relied on. The one who so lovingly tapped their fingers before each game. Do they know your eyes are puffy? Do they know every sleepless night that goes by makes the dark circles under your eyes harder to hide? Do they know his heart breaks every time he sees the tremble of your lips when you force a smile?

No matter how bad he wants to hold you, tell you it's going to be okay, the mere thought of reaching out paralyses him.

What if you don't want his help?

If you did, you would've asked already, right? Not even practice can stop him from thinking about you. His disappointment grows a little when he sees no new messages. Perhaps you don't want to talk to him after all.

He's just leaving the gym when his phone lights up and seeing it's your name makes his heart flutter. He eagerly picks up. “Hi!“

“H-hey.“ Already in the first word the strain in your voice is apparent. “Um, am I interrupting you?“

“No, of course not. I just finished with practice. What's up?“

“I-“ He hears you take a deep breath. “Um, I don't, I don't feel so good...“ Your next words are almost a whisper. “Could I come over?“

“'Course ya can come over. I'll be home in about an hour.“

By the time he arrives you're already there, standing by the entrance nervously stepping from one leg to another. You give a shy wave when he approaches. He noticed you've been acting weirdly sheepish around him and he's not used to it. You're friends. What's making you so nervous?

You trail behind him, hands tucked deep in your pockets. You don't even pull them out when taking your shoes off.

“Tea?“ he offers when you make your way towards the sofa.

“Sure,“ you nod, sitting and tightly hugging a pillow. “Sorry about that,“ you say when he joins you with two cups of tea, “I just... bad day, you know? Didn't want to be alone.“

With a smile he assures you it's no problem. You're welcome to come by whenever you want.

You tell him about college, about work. “Boss is a shit bag,“ you complain. The working hours make you late for your lessons and even professors are getting fed up with you always being late. Not to mention your classmates aren't keen on lending you notes to copy.

It's all too much, you say, work, college, the pressure of everyone's expectations. Your fellow students give you funny looks sometimes, you tell him. It's only a few years but you're still older than them, at the age where your parents are asking when you are going to settle down. Have children. Get a stable job. Well how could you when you haven't even gotten your degree yet? It all makes you feel like a failure.

And yet something tells Aran that's not why you're here. Maybe it's the nervous fumbling with the hem of your clothes. Maybe it's because you don't look at him at all. A silence falls on you as you sip your tea. Aran considers asking out right but you gather the courage before he does.

“Shin called.“  

“Ah.“ That's all he manages to say.

“He's doing good, in case you're wondering. He asked if we have any plans on visiting any time soon.“ Your eyes skim over his face. “That would be nice, don't you think?“

Aran forces a smile. “Sounds great.“ Once again your words threaten to shake the ground he stands on. All he hears is 'seeing Shin would be nice'. His grip on the cup tightens and he puts it away before he'd crack it.

“Do ya miss him?“ he asks, words coming out more choked up than he intended. He clears his throat when he leans back on the couch's backrest.

You think over his question. “I miss my best friend.“

He asks. Even if he doesn't want to know the answer, he asks. “Will you get back with him?“

“No.“ Your answer is quiet, but firm. You readjust yourself to lean on the backrest, facing him, the pillow still tightly squeezed in your grip. “Shin is a great guy just... not the right for me. Wasn't easy to accept but that's how it is.“ You fumble with the thread sticking out from the stitch. “I wasn't good for him, you know?“ you quietly continue. “He protected me since we were kids but at some point it all just... fizzled I guess. I was so used of always being by his side the thought of living without him terrified me. He was that stability I craved. For a long time I believed he would give me a goal in life, or something similar.“ You chuckle. “Try getting through seventeen-year-old-me's head that's not how relationships work. I knew we wouldn't work out. But I stayed because I was selfish and stupid... and scared. I think he knew. And it started to take a toll on him. So I left before he'd break.“ Tears start forming in your eyes. “Shin could never understand why I'm so sad without a reason... Maybe if I left sooner... well, it doesn't matter now.“

“Ya can still go back,“ hearing his own words shatters Aran's heart, “once ya feel better.“

The brief laugh you give almost sounds like a sob. “Can I?“ You forcefully wipe the tears away. “Even if I could it wouldn't be the same as I remember now. It's hard to explain but somehow, what’s in your memories is always better than reality. Know what I mean?“

He knows. Memory is the thief of future.

The lump in his throat grows larger, heavier as he watches you try to hide tears starting to run down your cheeks. He's lost, not knowing what else to do but to pull you closer, tucking your head under his chin. He hugs you and softly caresses your back. “It's alright,“ he whispers when you apologise through sobs and tears. He keeps repeating, it's alright. What else could he possibly say?

You relax in his arms and your sobs slowly turn to muffled sniffles. Aran only wishes you feel safe in his arms, your head leaning on his shoulder, your arms shyly wrapping around his middle. It's not the most comfortable position but he's to scared to readjust. He hears your hitched breathing sync with his own as he runs his hands up and down your back and, exhausted from your crying, you're soon fast asleep.

Perhaps for the first time in his life Aran's starting to really understand you. It pains him, knowing your struggles. You, who were always so full of light, you who were the pillar, tall and unyielding, one he could always lean onto. How memories managed to muddle his perception of you so much is beyond him. The only thing he can do is promise himself to never let them deceive him again. After all, who needs memories?

He messages you more frequently. Not too frequently, he doesn't want to appear nosy or pushy. Just often enough to let you know he's there for you if you need him.

You've been busier with college lately, so weekly hang outs turn to late night phone calls. Hearing your voice feels like a refreshing cool breeze on these hot summer nights.

He collapses in his bed, only half listening to your rambling on about one of the professors. He didn't catch her name.

“Aran? You still there?“

“Yeah, I'm still here. T's been a long day, t's all.“

He hears you hum and he can imagine the way you lean your head to the side. “Coach in a bad mood?“

“Not really. I'm just not feelin' my best. Couldn't sync with Aritsura's sets. But ya know, more practice 's all we need. How was your day?“ he asks, forgetting you just told him a few minutes ago.

“It was alright,“ you say instead of repeating what you already told him. “Actually, I wanted to apologise. About last time. I shouldn't have dumped all my problems on you.“

“How many times do I need to repeat it's okay. I'm here for ya.“

“Still. I'm sorry. It was a lot. I... I don't want to be a burden.“

His brows furrow. How many times does he have to repeat it? Why don't you get it? “Yer not.“ Your low chuckle makes him irritated . “I mean it. If ya ever need to talk just say, alright?“

“Yeah, yeah I will... Thank you. It's just that... I don't want to ruin this friendship too. That's all. Tell me when I become too much. Please.“

What are you talking about? “Whatever is on yer mind I promise I can handle it.“

“Can you? So you not being able to play your best has nothing to do with me dumping all my problems on you?“

Something in the way you say those words pushes the wrong button. He's only trying to be here for you, why can't you see that? “I don't care enough to let it impact me.“ Fuck. Even before the final word leaves his mouth he knows it came out wrong. “I'm sorry, fuck, y/n, I didn't mean it like that-“

“It's okay,“ you interrupt. “You're right.“

“I'm-“

“Get some sleep Aran. You have practice tomorrow. G' night.“ You end the call before he gets the chance to say goodbye.

Fuck.

Ch. 3: In the light, your name

Tags: @rosecaffelatte, @aonenthusiast

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 15. Snowmen

A/N: So I had in mind something light and funny, some payback for past hurt if you will. It turned out to be quite deep in the end though and I really don't know what happened. But I feel like it was, good..?

Setting: The forest between Hogsmeade and The Shrieking Shack

Characters: Severus, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Lily (their 5th year at Hogwarts)

Word count: 1724

Warnings: Bullying, Retaliation, Past hurt, Broken friendships, Some funny stuff too

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

They had been taunting him, for so long. Snowballs, leg binding jinxes, ice under his feet - it just went on and on. Severus was at his wit's end by the middle of December. Everywhere he went they seemed to be, no matter where he tried to hide they seemed to find him, despite his best efforts to not let it bother him he was fuming. No matter what, the Marauders always seemed to get the last laugh. Well, not today, he thought as the visit to Hogsmeade was reaching its end.

He had found a jinx, intended for joy he presumed by the notes in the margin. But he had other plans for it. They were always four against one - but not this time. No, this time he would have backup. Just one more, he thought as he looked around at the four snowmen he had spent over an hour making. Just one more and I'm set, he thought again with something that resembled a wicked smile of hope.

He knew they would come, knew they were looking for him, knew they wanted to get one last laugh out of the Hogsmeade visit. He had known before they ever even went on the little trip. So he had planned and planned, hoped he'd be able to get some revenge that wouldn't get he himself into too much trouble. Hopefully, no trouble at all if he could help it. They always get away with the foulest of shit so why shouldn't I?

Just as he put the last head on the last snowman so they outnumbered the Marauders he heard snow being crushed under many boots. It was time. He hid behind a tree a little ways away from where he could see it all. He tensed when laughter reached him, James's laughter. An evil sound that made him shiver.

"Oh, what's this? Someone's built snowmen," Remus said with a curious voice and chuckles were heard. Severus looked at the Gryffindor boys as they walked closer to the snowmen. He kept his wand ready.

"Would be a shame if they were to, get destroyed, wouldn't it?" James chuckled and Severus saw the evil gleam in his eyes. It made his stomach turn.

The Marauders stiffened as the snowmen looked at them with evil grins of rocks and twigs. Their long arms reach for the snow around them and in an instant, they started throwing snowballs at the boys who seemed chocked. They got pounded by snowballs and Severus could barely contain his laughter as they fumbled around while trying to cover their heads. It was glorious.

Sirius laughed, Peter snickered and Remus seemed tired of his friends' shenanigans.

"Don't destroy them," Remus said but the others just laughed as they walked closer with determined steps. Severus flicked his wand and used nonverbal magic to make them come alive. With a single purpose. To throw snowballs at people.

James stumbled and fell backwards, Peter ran around like an idiot while Sirius skipped around in an effort to avoid as many slinging snowballs as possible while Remus - a bit more calm and collected - seamed to be the only one who even thought of using magic to shield himself from the onslaught. Not that it was enough. The snowmen surrounded the boys and snowballs came from all directions.

Severus saw Remus roll his eyes as he aimed the wand at the snowman closest to him. Fire burst out of his wand as he said 'incendio' but Severus had been clever. A fire repellent charm laid over the jumping snowmen and the look on Remus's face was unforgettable as his magic did little to no damage on the snowball-throwing snowmen.

Severus snickered as he peeked out from behind the tree.

"Do something!" James screamed.

"Like what?!" Sirius hollered back with a pissed off expression as his curly hair got whiter and whiter. Severus had to cover his mouth so as not to laugh out loud and reveal himself.

"Anything!" James screamed back as he crawled around in the snow on his hand and knees.

"It's not working!" Sirius shouted out.

"I damn well noticed!" Remus smeared back and they gathered in a lump in the middle of the snowman circle.

"Run for it!" James said with a frantic voice as the snowmen inched closer, the snowballs hit harder and they seemed at a total loss for what to do.

"Now?" Peter piped up.

"Now!" James declared as they all barrelled out of the circle, the snowmen instantly hot on their tail with bouncing jumps.

Severus laughed out loud and crumbled to the ground as the chaos ran away with shouts and ducking heads. He knew the spell would only last for about another minute but by Merlin did he hope they got thoroughly wet and cold in that time. Almost a shame they don't know it's my handy work, he thought as he wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes.

"I should have declared myself so they'd know I'm the one who got them hunted by snowball-throwing snowmen," he sighed out as he rose from the crouched position.

"Oh don't worry, they will."

Severus whipped around at those words, that voice. His eyes were met by an angry-looking Lily and he paled somewhat by the sight of her.

"Really, Severus? Snowmen throwing snowballs?" She crossed her arms over her chest and Severus shrugged. Even if it felt a little less fun now that Lily was angry with him.

"You could have at least added some snow spewing dragons while you were at it," she snickered out and Severus's eyes widened as Lily's face turned from sour to sweet. A little grin etched over her lips.

He chuckled as the idea formed in his head, the vision of dragons spewing snow while hunting the Marauders alongside the bouncing snowmen.

"Sorry to say I'm not that great a snow sculptor," he chuckled out as his shoulders relaxed a bit.

"You're, not mad?" he asked carefully. She blew a raspberry and rolled her eyes.

"I don't agree with the behaviour but all things considered you did payback in a good way, I suppose," she said on a chuckle, "I know they are mean to you and I'm sorry for that, but you shouldn't stupe to their level." Severus arched a brow at her words.

"But dating one of them is fine?" Lily's face hardened at that.

"Who I date is none of your concern."

"I know, and who I throw snowballs at with the help of some snowmen is none of your concern."

They glared at each other, Lily offended and Severus angered.

"You really know how to ruin a good time," he muttered as the joy he had felt mere moments ago disappeared.

"You really know how to ruin friendships," she countered with and her words stung. More so than any words ever said by the Marauders.

"It wouldn't be so hard to be friends if you weren't a bully lover," he bit out as anger rose in him. And hurt, hurt from her betrayal and all the times she just stood by as he was tormented for merely existing and being different. She gasped at that and fisted her hands by her sides.

"Well if you weren't so insecure you would have known I loved you as a friend despite it all!"

"Despite what?! Despite being bullied? Abused? Terrorised? Hunted by bullies you so dearly love?!" Severus roared with pounding heart and heaving breaths. She glared at him with a shake of her head as she apparently had no words to retort with.

He sunk to the ground. The joy from his retaliation had gone away and left was only self-loathing and fear. For he was truly scared Lily's words would be true, that he would be miserable and alone. Why did I have to say that? She was trying, by Merlin... He thought but his feelings were to hurt by her. She had cut too deep with her betrayal and even if she wanted to be friends again he could not forgive her for all the years he had cried and all the pain he had gone through every time she just let them bully him. Without a chiding word at them or a helping hand for him. All is not meant to be forgiven. Everyone does not earn forgiveness. He thought to himself as the memories flooded him with pain.

She walked past him and turned her head.

"They'll know, I'll make sure of that." Severus sneered at her.

"Go ahead, tell them. Let's see what happens after that. Who knows, perhaps this time they'll do it properly and finish me off. Wouldn't that be quite something?"

"At least it would be better than spending your life miserable and alone, 'cus that's what you'll be in the end, Snape," she said with venom in her voice, "I tried to be nice to you, just a moment ago. And look what it got me. Insults."

"There would have been no insults if the words weren't true." She huffed at that and stomped away without another word.

He wanted to forgive her, to move on and leave the past in the past but how could he do that when they were at every turn with their utmost efforts to make his life hell. When she held James's hand and laughed at his jokes despite the fact that James was a horrible person. How was he supposed to let it go and move on when he was hurting so badly? How was he supposed to tell her that the bullying was nothing compared to her indifference of his pain? How was he supposed to smile when it felt like a lie?

Perhaps he would indeed vanish one day and be rid of the whole ordeal that was life. Perhaps he'd just melt, like snow in the warmth of the spring sun. Perhaps he'd just stop living like the snowmen who, by now, was just snow, twigs and rocks again. Perhaps it would be so. But there was a chance that life had something else planned for him and he would hold on to that thought until the very end, even if it turned out to be mere dust in the wind of the storm that was unfulfilled wishes throughout eternity.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // SNAPEMAS POST

Tags: @lizlil @snapefiction  @morphineisouthoney​ @setsuna-meiou31​ @snapefiction​

[Dec:2020]

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[buddha-in-disguise]

5.18 So that was a lot!

Posting without editing, so apologies for any errors. I am running on barely any sleep, but really wanted to get this written while I could.

Overall impressions were great episode .... but again there were issues for me. However I will address them as I go through my thoughts on it all, and please don't think I am trying go bring this episode down. I'm not. It really was great! I just still see things that haven't been done that could've easily occurred to appease fans further or are examples of why 5b has been so problematic for me.

The opening was good, in that they actually explained that Leviathan were no longer at the location they'd used in Earth 38 before Crisis. These little pointers are what have been missed a lot this season (a couple of examples later ref Kelly). Too often it's been, we need to find their location; no explanation as to why that is.

Now onto the whiplash with Kara and her anger towards Lena.

Kara is angry over Lena being at the fortress and the reaction over her use of Myriad. Alex is the one actually acknowledging Myriad is a trigger for Lena.

Alex, who suddenly starts defending Lena? Then Kara is convincing herself Lena is involved with Lex. Look, I get that she would feel suspicious, I get she has the right to feel angry. But it is this sudden, seemingly out of nowhere anger, not recognising the good in Lena she has staunchly defended until now. With Alex understanding Lena's position.

As I say, I'm not saying Kara doesn't have a right to be hurt and angry. But to see such a quick role reversal in the Danvers sisters in how they're talking about Lena? That is what I find difficult to get my head around.

I don't expect Kara to be there fully defending Lena as she has done. But this just feels OOC yet again. This really isn't normal for Kara. We've seen her angry and feeling betrayed by those closest to her before, but you could see how it built. Understanding as to why those actions left Kara feeling like she did (Astra and J'onn anyone?)

Did I mention whiplash? Because, whiplash.

But it is good to see Kara once again around a table brainstorming with most of the Superfriends. Using her intelligence and skills to try and figure things out.

Nia is also finally able to be involved properly. I still feel annoyed Nia isn't really in CatCo at all these days, because as much as I love seeing her as Dreamer, I want to see Nia as more than just a Superhero. I want to see her continuing as a journalist, and like Kara, use both skills together when feasible.

The Tower is actually getting used (those computers aren't simply sitting there looking pretty). How many episodes has it taken to see this used properly for more than a brief scene? Too long.

M'gann is back. I love M'gann, and despite still feeling angry that they had J'onn throw her into a DEO cell, with no due process simply for being a White Martian, I've always enjoyed the dynamic between the two characters, and it wasn't a surprise they kissed. Although god damn it, where was our Dansen kiss. Even a hug? But onto Dansen in a bit.

Alex got into some action. That car hood slide?! Phew. It is suddenly very hot in here. We certainly wouldn't complain if they throw a few more of those hood slides in future episodes.

This is the sort of thing a lot of fans love Alex for. Her kick ass, throwing herself around best.

Plus the scene with Kara in the library just before that, also had the Danvers sisters vibe we have just missed a lot this season, especially 5b.

The DEO being destroyed. Of course we knew it was coming, but it was still good to see the whole sequence of action leading up to it. Kara jumping through that window! Day. Made.

The Nia and Brainy scenes though. My poor Brainia heart. Actually the way Nia and Kara turned and walked away outside after the collapse of the DEO .... oof. Understandable but still gut wrenching. The parallels to Lena and Kara, with Brainy and Nia are also there. God damn it, what is with all this pulling apart relationships and friendships on the show this season.

Kelly, while still frustrated she is working with William, in this episode it made more sense, as Nia and Kara were out doing Superhero things. I've said for ages though, William really isn't needed to simply stand over Kelly's shoulder as she does her thing. Okay, so he realised an image inducer was being used, but if Kelly was working this on her own, (with the Superfriends at The Tower), you can't tell me she wouldn't have been giving the footage the same level of detailed going over that William was. Nothing in those scenes couldn't have been done without him. Kelly is far more capable to do this. She is ex-military for gods sake.

Which leads me onto Dansen, but also Alex.

Once again we had them acknowledge that as ex-military Alex was finding it difficult to adjust. I broached this in an earlier piece I wrote when J'onn and Alex were talking about it. I would've far preferred Kelly had that conversation with her girlfriend, at home. That end scene with Dansen was great, but the dialogue with Kelly's ex-army buddy - that should've been Kelly when Alex says her actions led to it happening. That whole segment had Kelly and Alex talking written all over it. Another wasted opportunity of so many this season. It is especially galling as we've had so little meaningful Dansen content. That small change would've made a huge difference. Plus no hug? No kiss? M'gann and J'onn get one, but once again Dansen don't, and they don't even get the intimacy of a hug. It is ridiculous. And people wonder why fans have had increasing issue of the LGBTQ storylines. Or rather lack thereof.

Which brings me to my other bugbear from this season. Does Kelly know Kara is Supergirl? I mean I think she does after last weeks episode, which I've covered at the time. But that is only conjecture on what we saw, not what we know for certain. Where is Alex getting her income from? Is J'onn paying her, and if so, where is he getting the income from? Are Kelly and Alex actually living together? Because Kelly sure as hell looked comfortable in Alex's apartment, and Alex certainly looked as if Kelly not only was expected to be there, but belonged there. I know we can't get every minute detail about their lives, but these aren't small things. Plus it would only take brief dialogue to explain what the situation really is.

As for Alex becoming a vigilante. I will be honest, I've never been overly comfortable with vigilantes in shows, however they are littered throughout The Arrowverse. In fact, without them most Arrowverse shows wouldn't exist. As for the support of Kelly, that was a pleasant change. She understood the difficulties Alex faced, and offered a solution. After all, she has the Guardian shield. Whether she becomes her own version of Guardian I guess we wait and see. But since Alex needs to try and stop both Lex and Leviathan and has no other means to do it effectively, a vigilante is the most logical step. After all, isn't that what they've all been doing since Alex left the DEO? They just haven't placed a name to it until now.

Time to go onto Lex and Lena. Possible trigger warning here.

"You're a monster. But that doesn't mean I have to be one to."

First off. Jon Cryer and Katie McGrath were masterful in the scene where it all came to a head in the prison. Despite my misgivings of the overuse of Lex this season, there is no doubt this is why he is so good! His emotional range just came shining through. Just as Katie McGrath's did.

Him getting up into her face like he did, and her flinching. Here is what I tweeted about it: "Listen, I've been in an IPV relationship. I can't speak for victims of family abuse and if they grow up in the same way, but the way Lena flinched in this scene. That was me when my ex did what Lex did. That was real.

Katie McGrath's shone in tonight's episode."

Katie just completely nailed it. This is when I wish I could just stand there and tell her just how amazing that scene was. The same for Jon.

Those who have denied time and again Lena wasn't a victim of abuse, or it didn't excuse her for her actions in how Lex manipulates her, this is why we spoke about it. This is the victim of abuse. If she wasn't expecting that to escalate into a violent reaction, then that scene wouldn't have happened like it did. She was expecting the blow. That whole scene was visceral. I'm still trying to get to grips with how once again, the acting just brings through a depth so often lacking. So please spare me the excuses of she isn't a victim of abuse. That scene is canon now to the story. Between Lex last season, and this leaves no room for doubt, and if you do - you're not doing it for any other reason than to simply hate on Lena.

That last scene with Kara and Lena. Fucking finally! It's only taken 18 episodes to get there. Again I am still frustrated Kara is being so defensive against Lena, but I also do kind of understand it. She is also feeling hurt and no doubt worried. Is Lena trying to trick her again, like she had earlier in the season. Will she get her heart ripped out if Lena is presenting her with an act. Trust goes both ways, and both of them have found it difficult to reestablish it. I get that. I really do. Again though I just wish it hadn't taken until 5.18 for any kind of resolution between them to begin. Even if it had gone to the 20 episode season as planned, we couldn't get time to really get this sorted. Kara needs to let Lena explain why Lena did what she did with more than that speech. She needs to understand just how abusive the relationship is between Lex and Lena, and why to some degree Lena fell back into old habits like she did. Much like we had Lena and Andrea get that backstory, to really help show why Lena has trust issues, Kara and Lena now need to lay those cards out on the table in a similar way. No more hiding. Sadly I doubt we will get anything of that depth, and we certainly won't this season. But it is a start and that's more than I could've hoped for before the episode began.

Lastly, William getting black bagged by Eve. I wonder if her anger at Lex will make her use William as a pawn to gain revenge? Or will she let William know Lex was the one who has fed William those details, or activated him? Still a weird ass way to describe it by the way. But we will see. Honestly, William as a whole holds absolutely no interest for me. So I didn't even find myself reacting to what happened. It was ... meh.

And that's it for now. I've almost certainly forgotten something, but it was a lot to take in this episode.

Overall, I felt this episode was far better than some of what we've seen so far this season, particularly in 5b. It certainly leaves me looking forward to 5.19 with less dread than of late.

[nagorin]

FOR THE BREAKING A CHARACTER DOWN - I'm asking about both of your children (Kanda and Alma). XD

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I’m always to talk about them all the feel I have ;___;

Starting with Kanda

How I feel about this character: It’s a little bit ironic to me, I remember how I thought he would be the least interesting character, but here I am now. Kanda is just… such a good kid??? He makes me so sad, but at the same time I am so proud of him for living through so much awful things, and his character development destroys me. He lived for so many years dealing with a trauma and trying not to care about people who belong to the organisation that brought so much suffering to his life, but even after being able to leave, he returns to help Allen. And how he stops blocking all of his emotions, dealing with them now, even if it hurts. Oh god, I just want him to take more care about himself. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Oh that’s too simple XD I can’t really bring myself to ship him with anyone who is not Alma. I don’t mind other ships, of course, cause everyone can ship what they want, but Yulma is just such a special ship for me, they just really got on the highest level of love I could feel toward pairings. I’m so inspired by them, I have too many feels about them, and I just can’t stop appreciating everything they had in canon. This writing, this tragedy, all the spoken and unspoken love they had for each other in both lives… It’s just way too beautiful ;_____;

My non-romantic OTP for this character: THERE’RE SO MUCH. I really enjoy him interacting with others, because it speaks so much about his character! I really love the sibling-like relationship he has with Lenalee - it feels like they do not even need to talk much to understand each other. Same goes to him and Marie, man, I’m so happy that they were the first one to see Kanda when he returned to the Order AND HE SMILED AT THEM OH MY CHILD. 

I’m also really happy about how much his friendship with Allen improved?? Like, we couldn’t even call that a friendship at the beginning, but they’ve come so far, and the things Allen did for Kanda and Alma after learning their story breaks my heart. Allen’s truly an angel ;w; And so is Johnny, I really enjoyed the chapters with their interaction. 

I’m also really week for him interacting with Link, I just really enjoyed their talk. And I believe in combat they could be LETHAL.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don’t even know?? I only remember seeing long-long-long ago one opinion that Alma’s arc has ruined his character and I’m still so angry about it, because, I really love this arc and the way his character is developed from being overpowered closed person to a very tragic child, who went through so much awful thing he didn’t deserve. So I just want to protect him, and I’m glad he’s appreciated enough here on tumblr.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: why did ch. 200 just happened? It really really hurts me, that his most treasured memories for now are about Alma dying in his arms because it’s the only time they were able to spend together after so many years apart ;_____; They both deserved so much more! 

But sadness aside, I really am intrigued and happy about the arc Kanda’s getting now, becoming a General and going deeper to the Order’s core man that really gives me Roy Mustangs vibes somehow. And him finally being able to remember Alma makes my heart warm. I also want to know so much more about their past lives, and I hope we’ll get there in manga someday. 

And just… I really want them to meet each other in the end, whether it an afterlife or reincarnation. Not too soon of course, because Kanda has a lot of things to do, but I believe Alma would wait for him forever, what was their promise to each other after all ;w;

And of course how can I not talk about Alma too ^^

How I feel about this character: Alma is one of the dearest characters to me, honestly! I actually got myself into DGM because my friend noticed to me that I might like him, and she was right! He breaks my heart and his story reminds me of my another most favourite character ever from Fate series. Maybe it’s just my type of characters - I easily fall for those, who went through too much, who are filled with rage and hatred just as much as they are filled with love. And that really suits to Alma, not to mention the narrative of becoming a monster just because other people wanted that. The way he tried to use hatred to cover from unbearable sadness and fear of being unloved by the most precious person… It makes him so human, I want to cover him with a blanket and say lots of nice things to make this child feel easier ;___; Sorry, I just really love him, ahaha.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character: well, we all know the answer, I’m so invested Yulma it’s not a secret for anyone anymore ^^

My non-romantic OTP for this character: his relationship with Sixth Laboratory breaks my heart. He loved them genially despite them hurting him, and that’s the reason why his rage was so hard after learning the truth. Ah, I really love to think of some happy modern AU where Edgar and Tui adopt him, and Bak is the most nervous elder brother Alma could have (but most precious too)  

I really like to think of him being really close to Lenalee in some kind of AUs. I feel like they could understand each other’s bitter feelings about the Order, and help to each other with dealing with them. Not to mention that Lena is one of the closest to Kanda, so she might have understand how important to him Alma is and would do her best to support him. And she could tell him more about what kind of person Kanda became while they were apart

My unpopular opinion about this character: Well… I guess I just really want him and his past incarnation to be treated and appreciated as different characters, and same goes with my love to my ship. I’m endlessly in love with the aspect of them being reincarnated lovers, but I actually fell for their relationship and story in their current lives. So, it makes me a little bit uncomfortable when people say Kanda loves Alma because he is that person he had been searching for. Their relationship is so much more complex than just that. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: like I said already, sometimes I wish ch. 200 didn’t happen, but that’s also a thing that makes me love Yulma so much, so… I’m just really happy that Hoshino even has drawn an AU for us with him being okay, how can I complain after that? So I just wish for them to have at least one hint of reunion in the afterlife or reincarnation or anything like that, because they SHOULD be happy and together, they deserve it so much! So I’ll keep on believing ;w;

[antigonick]

After reading that Ron defense post and how much you love him, I'm really curious as to why you like him so much! Have a good day xxxx

Of course! Okay, this is a mess, but off the top of my head:

Ron’s character comprises a lot of classic tropes that I particularly like—the big, stifling family; the humble beginnings; deep love under cover of laughter; the knight of heart who overcomes his fears. From the beginning, he’s colourful: an optimistic, humorous, buoyant kid, all red and gold and blue, flaring up in anger, in laughter, diffusing tensions with wide-eyed simplicity. To me, there’s something so charming in this self-proclaimed underdog, second always to his friends, and yet never hateful; so humble that he is oblivious to the fact that he is a key cog in his world dynamics.

Ron is never put under an admiring light, because Harry tends to rely on him with the spontaneity of a brother, and Hermione doesn’t share her insights with Harry. Because of Harry’s tranquil trust and because of his depiction in the movies, Ron has slowly become, in popular opinion, a simplistic oaf, a prop for crude comedic devices. To me, however, he is the easiest to identify with now—born in the worlds he inhabits, and yet overlooked by those who, he believes, shine brighter—at the Burrow, his twin brothers and his sisters, who bulldoze their way through life when he tends to take his lazy-ass time—in the magic world, Hermione and Harry, both raised by muggles and yet welcomed with open arms by strangers because of their skills. Ron’s skills are rarely put in the spotlight, and you know why? Because despite his tendency to frustration and anger, which are usually targeted towards himself anyway, he is usually quite unassuming, so convinced is he of his lack of self-worth.

Harry is humble, yes, and selfless, but he has a strong sense of his abilities, of his talent, and the luck that life, despite the hardships, has bestowed upon him. Hermione, potentially because of her blood status and lack of beauty in the early years of school, stuffs her cleverness in everybody’s face and has made it her definite trait. They can take pride in something. Ron, from beginning to end, is completely blind to his own abilities, damaging his sense of self in the process. As the series progresses, Ron falls more and more in the shadow of his friends, trying through temporary jolts to rise to the light (his trying out for the Quidditch team, Lavender,…), and falling back when this fails (keeper is still lesser than captain, and the respect he was looking for was Hermione’s, not Lavender’s). The point is: he is still looking for himself, as we all do at 15. He is still looking for a purpose, for a silver lining, when his close friends seem to have already found their purpose in life.

I think we don’t give Ron enough credit, again because Harry’s narration is biased. It’s been said that Ron is jealous, and angry, and susceptible, but time and time again Ron diffuses the tension between buttheads Hermione and Harry, and when he leaves—escaping the shadows I mentioned earlier, deciding to live for himself for a while—, Harry and Hermione’s relationship falls into silence and disinterest, because the link of warmth between them is ultimately Ron. I think he is very socially clever, despite being oblivious at times—he compliments Hermione when she most needs it, mingles his anger with Harry to lighten the burden, and is shown to worry and discuss Harry’s problems with Hermione behind the scenes, although we don’t have access to what is actually shared. He is also attuned to the atmosphere enough to crack a joke at exactly the right moment, unassumingly. I think this feelings-focused approach is also his biggest weakness: impulsive, he usually falls into self-hate and anxiety after his outbursts; attuned to his surroundings in a global rather than detailed way, he feels that he is overlooked, knows that he is under-valued, but does not know how to prove or to address it. Jealous, no—but envious of a life where he would feel more loved, more comfortable with himself, where he would get more admiration, absolutely. The issue comes from there, of course: his being poor, his being clumsy, his being always considered the Potter sidekick, second place, last place, these all erode his sense of self throughout the books. There’s a lack of self-respect in Ron: he always makes himself the butt of the joke, he becomes upset when people point out the flaws he knows and hates. But his need to be validated through others is both deeply immature and deeply relatable: it is a forced step before reaching the understanding that only you can know and respect yourself entirely.

To me, Ron (along with Neville) is the bravest of them all, and really deserves his place in Gryffindor. Contrarily to Hermione (who buckles under pressure often, because she is ultimately in need of control) and Harry, who is defined by his selflessness and is ready for self-sacrifice, Ron is always scared as fuck and yet always fights. He has the most to lose, being from such a big family. Yet he faces his arachnophobia at 12 in order to explore his best friend’s hunch about the spiders. At 11, he had chosen to potentially die in order to allow Harry safe-passing to the Mirror cave. He was born in the magical world: giants, Voldemort, even Sirius Black are not rational enemies to him, but the stuff of nightmares, legends that tamed and terrified him when he was little. How could he approach them with a level-head when he has been raised to fear them? He cannot be as rational as those who discover the existence of human villains when they reach teenagehood. To him, these are monsters. Ron not only has to fight them, he has to unlearn what petrified a whole nation, to challenge his education, the deeply ingrained fears and lore that has been part of his personality-building.

I think that’s what I like best of all: because he is so flawed and realistic from the get-go, he is allowed to undergo the most amazing character development, and to grow up before our eyes. That kid who was dismissive of “know-it-alls” and “weirdos”, raised to be casually racist towards other magical races (goblins, elves and giants), deeply unsure of his own worth, tortured between envy and deep loyalty/love, hateful of his humble station, becomes by the end of book 7 a defender of the school underdogs—standing up for Luna, Hermione and Neville several times throughout the books—; actively attuned to social justice (admiring of Grawp’s efforts, striking friendships with elves and insisting to leave them a choice to fight or to flee); too impulsive and hurt and worried not to leave the hallows quest, but humble and brave enough to come back immediately; showing time and time again pride in his family, and finally finding pride in himself through the last of Harry’s missions. Harry gives him the sword so that he can destroy an Horcrux. By the end of the book, Ron is whole enough, stable enough that he can finally equate his friend and give Hermione the fang so that she can destroy the cup as well.

Ron never sheds his anxiety, his self-consciousness, never loses this impulse of hiding behind humour; his growth is, realistically, not an ideal one. Yet his development is so compelling, and so full of lessons in life and new-found self-awareness. So yeah. That’s why I like him very much!

[dxmedstudent]

Hiya doc, would you mind giving me some advice, if you don't mind? How do you deal with your feelings when you feel like someone (whether personal or professional settings) doesn't like you? I know that I shouldn't try to prove to them that I am 'worthy' nor should I try to start a war with them. I want to let go, but I'm finding it difficult on where to start.

Hello! I’ll try my best.

OK, so I have some experience with not being liked. Apart from being occasionally bullied, I had periods where I’d try so hard to make friends with people at school, and I was sometimes met with what’s best described as indifference, even annoyance at times. There were probably times when I can say I had no friends at school. But it gets better.

And it’s hard when you are trying your best to get to know people, and think good things of them, only to find that people see you as an irritation they would rather be rid of. Despite the fact you are really doing nothing to warrant that kind of treatment. It’s not your fault, nor is it a sign that you are cursed forever to be spurned by everyone for the rest of your life. Despite at points being a friendless wonder somewhat clueless about the ins and outs of getting people to tolerate me, I somehow managed to retain friends from pretty much every stage of my life. It taught me that as long as you don’t hide at home and avoid all social interaction altogether, life will keep presenting you with opportunities to make new friends, at any age and in different sorts of situations. And that you aren’t an impossible person to tolerate, or to love.It’s hard to know exactly how people feel about us. The first question would be; how do we know that they don’t like us? The reason I’m saying this isn’t because everyone likes us, but because most of the time people are more indifferent than we think. We fear that everyone who isn’t particularly enthused by our presence in their immediate vicinity must have a real reason to dislike us, and must be feeling pretty strongly about it. But when you meet people, there are probably few people you really don’t like (and few people you really hit it off with. Most people are just sort of… there, aren’t they? You could theoretically grow to like them, or you might learn more and realise that they are OK, but not your kind of OK. And the reason this matters is because it helps you realise that what we may interpret as dislike is more likely indifference. And that’s rarely personal. To be honest, many people out there aren’t particularly sociable, nor are they good at interacting with people outside their direct friendship group. Some people just aren’t interested in making new friendships, or getting to know people they don’t already know. I used to be a bit bewildered that you could be really quite cordial with someone at work or in university, only for them to entirely disappear once your placement together was done. You were socialising because you happened to be together, but you hadn’t made a jump to friendship. And working out why can be difficult.

Even if someone doesn’t like you, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Maybe they just don’t have much in common with you and have no interest in forming an acqaintance with someone they have little in common with. Maybe something in you just happens to remind them of their pet peeves; we all have different things about people we don’t like. Some of us don’t like arrogance, or loudness. Others find quiet people make them uncomfortable because they are hard to read. Others might find people who are ‘too serious’ to be pretentious, whilst someone else might accuse people who talk a lot to be the same. This doesn’t even have to mean these qualities are bad, per se. It might just mean different kinds of people wipe us out differently, and not all people you socialise with will have the insight to understand how they feel about people, or why. What you think about people you know nothing about says much more about you than them, but many people don’t realise this or move to examine their prejudices.  I find realising that their motivations may be more complex helps us process our own feelings. Yes, it hurts to be rejected, and we have a right to feel upset. But by thinking about how people interact on a wider level, we can realise that it’s complicated and subtle. And that it’s not a sign of our own inferiority.

If we’re talking professionally, sometimes it makes things easier. In our professional lives, we have a framework for how we act with people, and who we are expected to socialise with. It’s possible to focus on our jobs and simply interact as little as we can with people we feel dislike us. If they are being unfair or victimising us, there are usually procedures in place for us to report and/or minimise their impact on our lives. If they mildly dislike us, and our relationship can be civil and professional enough, it might just be a minor annoyance. If things move over to victimisation or bullying, it can have a much bigger effect on us. My advice would be; don’t tolerate a working situation that makes you miserable. If it’ temporary, you might be able to work through it, but don’t sign yourself up for longterm misery. Even though colleagues aren’t family or friends, it’s important to be able to get on with them professionally. It’s not normal or healthy to be hating every minute at work because of the way particular people make you feel.

The good news is that it gets easier to socialise past your teens. After you graduate from school or university, you have less opportunities to make friends because you’re not surrounded by hundreds of people your own age. But people mellow out and mature so much after their teens; there’s a lot less drama and power games in many ways. Well, I won’t say that they disappear entirely, because many people don’t entirely mature, and drama is inevitable with people of any age. But it’s a lot less intense and frought than being a teenager. When people grow up and realise that their social options are more limited, they learn to value the benefits of just making new acquaintances, and getting to know people simply for the sake of meeting new people. Life is an unpredictable and interesting experience; there are lots more opportunities to meet people and get to know them than you might have thought at first. And I suggest that the best way to get over not getting on with one person, is to put your energies into getting to know others.

You’re right that there’s little point in trying to impress them; if you don’t succeed it will only feel more hurtful because you tried so hard to make them care. And because you yourself are surely an interesting enough person that the right people would want to get to know you for you. You deserve to be liked, not tolerated. You’re also right that you don’t need to vie with them. The best revenge would be simply getting on with your own life and enjoying it; seeking enmity with someone personally or professionally won’t be enriching or make you happy. And it would focus your energies on maintaining hate (even if those feelings are deserved) rather than on focusing that energy on getting to know people who might well respect you as a person and value you for who you are. Rant to someone you trust , write a diary, write them an angry letter (but don’t send it; you can destroy it or plant it in the ground or whatever you choose to do) and then symbolically let it go. And then, get up and focus on doing the things you love. I wish you luck :)