#it would be really easy to just bully ans use me that day

[prettyhearteyedfemme]

Each note i get on the post means a hit off my vape if it votes: yes. How many notes it has by thursday is hits i take in one session. So even if the poll ended, you can still make me take hits. If the vote is yes 🥰 and every 20 notes i take an edible. Im glad im not a huge blog 😵‍💫

[cbindisguise]

Frisk Reveals Some News To Sans

(TW: Suicide and Depression)

  It was just like any other Tuesday night in the Skele-Household. Papyrus was up in his room using the computer while Sans and Frisk sat together on the lumpy green couch in the living room. The two of them were pretty exhausted after an entire day with Undyne and Papyrus. The duo never knew when to quit, and after four hours with the both of them, Sans and Frisk were drained. They both comfortably sat there in the dark with the TV providing a dim source of light for the room. Sans yawned loudly like a bear out of hibernation and flipped through some of the channels. There wasn’t much to be begin with, but it was impossible to find a channel that wasn’t playing Mettaton.

  “Can’t we just have some normal cartoons or something?” Sans groaned. He glanced over at Frisk who was laying on her side. Her head was propped up against the arm rest and she shrugged. Sans noticed how exhausted she looked, and decided to settle for “Cooking With A Killer Robot.”

  “Well…It ain’t cartoons, but hey. Cooking isn’t so bad. It all boils down to the chef anyhow.”

  He waited for a comedically timed groan from Frisk, but it never came. He glanced at her. Frisk held a blank expression.

  “Get it? Boils…?” Sans emphasized hoping that Frisk simply didn’t hear him the first time.

  “What..? Oh. Oh yeah. Hah. Good one Sans.” She said in a monotone voice.

  Sans frowned. Frisk usually responded better than this.

  “Tired kiddo?” Sans asked lightheartedly.

  “Ehh…you could say that.” Frisk mumbled.

  “You know, you could always just go to bed?” Sans chuckled.

  “No…If I go to bed, I won’t want to get up.”

  “Well, you can sleep for however long you want. We aren’t going anywhere.” Sans offered. Frisk shook her head.

  “I know. But that’s not what I meant…” She said quietly saying the last part. Sans turned her head towards her.

  “Then what did you mean?” He asked as calmly as he could. He didn’t want to sound accusatory.

  “…Just…Nothing. Forget it.” Frisk muttered.

  “No, seriously. What’s wrong?” Sans persisted sitting up straight now. He turned a little closer to her. Frisk continued to stare into the TV, not meeting Sans’ gaze.

  “I’m tired.”

  Sans already knew where this was going. She didn’t say it, but he could tell by the look in her face. Sad, heavy eyes. Heavy eyes, for a heavy heart. Sans knew this look all too well. He had seen it in himself. He knew that there was a lot more to ‘I’m tired’ than just sleepiness. ‘I’m tired’ meant that ‘I am so upset and emotionally drained I don’t know what to do anymore.’

  And that was something no one should have to deal with.

  “Frisk. You can trust me…alright?” Sans said carefully.

  “…I trust you Sans.” Frisk simply replied.

  “Then…If you trust me so much, then tell me what’s wrong.” Sans shot back, but not too firmly. Frisk sighed deeply, and soon tears were making their way down her face. It was the silent type of crying. The type where you don’t even notice that you started, and when it does you just let your tears fall. The kind where you don’t make a sound, and you don’t bother to wipe them off your face.

  “Sans…I really don’t want to live anymore.”

  And at that moment, the world had stopped for Sans. There was no sound. No breathing. No blinking. Just an unsettling stillness.

  He released a shaky breath of air. Frisk wanted to die, and it was all happening on his couch. He felt his soul throb painfully from the expression Frisk wore.

  The look of despair.

  “Kid…” Sans whispered.

  “The only reason I have kept going is because I want to free all of you from the Underground. I’m going to get you back to the surface. And then…then…I’ll be out of the way.” Frisk explained.

  Sans suddenly placed a boney hand on Frisk’s ankle.

  “Out of the way…? Kiddo, don’t think like that, okay? You’re not a nuisance in any way. You aren’t a burden. I care about you. Papyrus cares about you. Undyne, Alphys,- a whole lot of people care about you. Sure, I’d love to make it to the surface someday, but it won’t matter if you won’t be around. We love you kid. We wouldn’t even know what to do if you were gone.” Sans reassured.

  Frisk sat up.

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  Sans had a chill crawl up his spine. His eye lights shrank in size from the ominous statement.

  “Kiddo…” Sans managed.

  “I’m sorry. That was really horrible of me to say…” Frisk responded guiltily. Her eyes were downcast the whole time.

  Sans didn’t think twice as he reached out to her and pulled her into a tight a hug. She was taken by surprise at first, but she soon melted into his embrace. Sans felt her shaky, unstable breathes brush against his neck.

  “Don’t,” Sans began but had to clear his throat to prevent his voice from cracking. “Don’t apologize. You’re upset, and I would rather you be honest with me on how you’re feeling than try to hide and pretend that everything is okay. I don’t know what’s going on in your head and it scares me to see you this way.”

  Frisk was silent now. Sans felt her beginning to shake.

  “How long has this been going on?” Sans asked softly.

  “…Almost a year. It’s just gotten worse as the days pass on. I wanted to die a long time ago. That’s why I threw myself into the mountain. That’s how I ended up here…” Frisk answered.

  “Oh…Stars, kid.” Sans muttered while holding on to Frisk tighter.

  “I just want this pain to go away.” Frisk stated, her voice wavering. She was cracking. “I don’t know what I did to deserve the bullying and the attacking. I did what I was told but I just wasn’t good enough. I had nobody on the surface. I really…really tried…I…I failed. I j-just couldn’t do anything right. I’m just a w-worthless piece of g-garbage that doesn’t deserve your kindness. I-I’m the last human soul to f-free you guys b-but I’m being so s-selfish and cowardly…I’m scared of death, but I wish for it…Ha, ha…isn’t that f-funny..?” Frisk laughed dryly.

  Sans pulled back to look her in the eyes.

  “You’re not worthless. You’re not garbage. You aren’t a failure. You. Are. Amazing. You might not believe it now, but you are. If anyone told you otherwise, they can go fuck themselves. Kiddo, I don’t blame you for being scared. It’s not an easy thing to do. I don’t want you to hand over your soul to Asgore, even if it would free us all. I want you to be there with us. We’ll figure out a way to do both. Until then, you are living with me and Pap. You can stay for as long as you want kid. We love you. There’s no way in hell, I would let anyone take your soul. I will protect you and wait as long as I have to, for as long as you need. So don’t worry about that, okay?” He spoke.

  Frisk’s tears only formed faster.

  “I don’t know how to thank you…I don’t deserve this…”

  “Not true. Kiddo, you probably don’t know this but uh…I was in the same boat as you, before you came along. Me and Pap have never been any happier now that you’re around. That’s a gift on its own.” Sans said with more cheer. “So, you don’t need to thank us, alright? You mean the world to us.”

  And with that, Frisk began to full on sob into Sans’ shoulder. Her cries shook Sans, but he knew that she needed this. After feeling numb for so long, it was good to see her finally coping with her emotions.

  “S-a-ans…I-I’m s-so-orry…I-I-“

  “Shhhh…it’s alright…it’s okay…Everything is going to be alright…” Sans reassured her while rubbing Frisk’s back soothingly. Her wails had slowly transformed into light crying, and eventually small hiccups. Sans held her close the entire time.

  “You’re so strong Frisk. After everything, you’re still here, with me. That’s all that matters.”

  “…Th-thank you…” She whispered.

  “No problem kid. Now, if you ever feel like harming yourself or doing something that’s bad…Just come talk to me. I’ll always be here to listen, ok?”

  “..Okay.”

  Sans let go of Frisk, but remained close to her. He picked up the TV remote again and gave Frisk a warm smile.

  “Now…dry those tears. Mettaton hasn’t even begun cutting the onions yet.” Sans joked lightly.

  Frisk giggled and she wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. Despite how emotionally exhausted she was, she felt better already.

  She vowed to herself to become more open with Sans. He was trusting and understanding, in a way that the counselors at school weren’t. Frisk was relieved to have someone to talk to. She felt like a huge fifteen-ton weight had been lifted.

  She felt like she could do this.

  She felt determined.

[minishmarbles]

Long vent, strap in.

When I was born, I was named Abigayle Kristynn Rayne Gibbs. To break down that name, Abigail means "father's joy," and my parents did that white people thing where they spelt it wrong. Then Kristynn means "follower of Christ." This was not a planned thing, my parents just thought it sounded cool and it was similar to my sister's name, "Korrynn." Rayne was after "The Rainbow Connection" a Muppets song my mother loved growing up.

I was supposed to be the rainbow at the end of the storm for my parents.

My mom and dad had lost a baby before I was born to birth complications.

By birth complications I mean the nurse was a bitch and called my mom a liar because she was giving birth two weeks before expected, the doctors made my mom wait two days in the worst pain she'd ever been in and when they finally performed an emergency C section, Korry had wrapped her chord around her throat while trying to be born, suffocating her and resulting in a stillbirth.

Korryn, the baby that my mom and dad were so excited to welcome into this world, had slipped through their fingers, and was lost on Friday, December 13th. Korry Gibbs didn't breath a single breath before it was all stolen from her lungs by doctors who didn't give a shit.

Thus I was born. A sloppy replacement, and a hope for my parents that they could go back to normal and be happy again. I was born in Las Vegas on October Tenth.

Then, my little sister was born two years after me. The family that was once broken apart now had 5 children in it, my older brother Kyle, my older sister Angelyka, my older sister Kayla, me and my younger sister Isabella.

But even though I was there to help my parents heal, instead of being a cast on a broken arm, I was a bit more of a bandaid on a laceration. My mom was still broken to pieces, and my dad was barely hanging on.

It was never exactly hidden from me that that's why I was born, but it was said in much nicer and optimistic tones. Stuff like "that's how you got your name! Because you made your dad so happy, and we know you will forever!" And "Korry would be really proud to have you be her sister" were. Small.

The small things gathered and I began to realise what they really mean. "We need you to be happy!" "We expect a lot from you!" "We really can't handle you being what we don't expect!"

And even though my mom and dad never realised that's what they were saying, that's how I read into it. If i was sad i didn't go to my parents. If i was making trouble that was my fault. All of the pressure wasn't put on my explicitly, but it was there.

It got worse when I got into school, and turned out to be very good at it. I never needed to practice counting, I never had to practice writing, never had to read the whole story to know what would happen. I was good at drawing, i was good at thinking, I got As ans Bs and was in a special class for Gifted students called GATE (Gifted And Talented Educations) i had it all. Sure I wasn't the best at reading or talking but that was okay, I was smart. At least that was my train of thought.

Every ego booster was more to add to the pressure to keep it up. The more people expected the less i felt i was putting on the table.

By third grade I was almost completely quiet, and never spoke unless spoken to. If I spoke, I could be wrong, and that would be bad. I didn't raise my hand and I had a hard time telling people if i felt sick or upset (that being said, I still went home sick a lot. The nurse knew me by name and we talked a lot. I knew her daughter too.)

In fourth grade I made friends. Their names were Lauren and Emily. I don't feel ashamed saying it now because they have very unoriginal names. Abigayle isn't much better frankly, but no ones going to single these girls out ever bc you really can't.

Lauren was half South Korean, and was a swimmer. She was very smart, and looked a lot more like her dad than her mom.

Emily was a redhead with glasses and was also very smart. Her mom was a teacher.

I was close friends with them, and we would talk a lot about nothing in particular. Emily and Lauren were closer to each other than to me, but that was ok, i was okay being the third wheel.

Now a little bit about me in 4th grade. I was very tall, taking boxing, kinda scary looking and very quiet. This made it easy for what Lauren and Emily did to me to succeed.

Sometime after winter break, Lauren and Emily started to spread rumors about me bullying them. Insulting Emily's red hair (which was bullshit, my mom has red hair and I later dyed my hair red) and making fun of Lauren for being Korean were just two of the things they said I did.

No one wanted to be friends with me, because I was "mean" to Lauren and Emily. Even though it had never happened. I was isolated.

The rumors got so bad i was taken to the counselor's office, were she told me for 20 minutes I was lying and being mean. I went home that night in tears. I lost all of my friends for something I didn't do.

I would be lying if I said I knew why they did that. But it sort of sparked a fear in me. If this is how it was when I wasn't mean, imagine how it would be if i WAS. from then on, i was paranoid every action I made was mean.

In middle school, I had no friends from Elementary, and I moved across town. Puberty hit before I knew how to deal with it and I got my period without knowing what it was. I was alone again, and only really liked my sixth grade art and science classes, my seventh grade history and my eighth grade math.

During middle school is when my relationship with my mother took a nosedive, and it had a significant impact on how I did in school. All the normal teen angst was multiplied by how bad my arguments were with my mom, as I watched her mental health decline while dragging down my own and no one else in my family paid attention.

My grades sucked for the first time ever. I wasn't perfect. I went down a spiral of self loathing and confusion, and came to the conclusion I was stupid.

In 8th grade, at a time I had no friends I talked to outside of class, after an argument with my mom, I attempted suicide. It was a stupid attempt at overdosing, i tried to use the only thing i had, a bottle of alergy meds. I threw up, went to sleep, and even though i had terrible muscle spasms and felt sick to my stomach and very tired, it obviously didnt work. I would go on to attempt overdosing five times, none working.

Upon hearing i had attempted to kill myself, both my mom and dad threatened me with physical violence and being forcefully sent to a hospital. Even though i had been talking to them constantly about my mental state and how I needed proffesional help or even just someone to talk to, they acted as if there were no warning signs even though i had been very clear i was having suicidal thoughts. They forced me to do the dishes while i was dizzy and still spasming.

The only friends I reaally had were online. I had no one to talk to irl. So i began to overshare where I was anonymous.

In Highschool, not much changed, but my family began to notice my mom was nuts too and i got like. 2 friends only one of whom and im still talking to.

My mom and dad split in 2019, and the night before my dad and my and my sister left, my mom said she wished I'd died in birth instead of Korry.

Im still depressed, im not going by my birth name anymore, and im still super fucking suicidal. Oops.

Tldr : im a failure oops.