#it won't be until June when we first met so a little over half a year so far

[allisonreader]

[a-french-coconut]

Jason Grace

Birthdays are, for Jason, a day like another.

It's a normal day.

Nothing out of the ordinary comes from completing another year of living.

When came the day of his third birthday, Lupa gave him a little more food than the other cups.

As for Camp Jupiter...

Well, Jason never bothered telling his fellow comrades his birthday date.

Every time someone asked him "When's your birthday ?", he would always shrug it off and divert the attention somewhere else.

That was until Reyna came along and baked him cakes every single day of the year.

"If you won't tell me, I'll assume it's always today." She would tell him, presenting him a burnt cake with wax dripping from the ignited candles.

He should have know waging war against the daughter of Bellona would mean defeat.

And so, in their first year of friendship, Reyna learns that Jason Grace's birthday is July 1st, in honour of Juno, his patron goddess.

But to his insistence, they don't celebrate it.

"Why ?" She asked him one night, the both of them watching the city from above, in Bacchus' gardens.

"I already have enough attention as it is." He lies, because the truth is that he wants to preserve his birthday like he knows it.

A blurred image of a blue-eyed girl, swinging him around and singing him "Happy Birthday !". He fears that if he celebrated his birthdays, that memory would fade.

"My full name is Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano." Reyna said out of the blue.

"That's a mouthful." He smiled before trying to pronounce it. "Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano, it's-"

"Don't say it again." Reyna cuts him, her hands clutching her t-shirt, "Never."

"Okay." He replies and he understands why she said it to him.

A treaty, a deal between them.

Two things only they know of each other, a proof of trust.

That night, Reyna became the person Jason trusted more than anyone.

Years passed and nobody bothered to ask him about his birthday.

War is looming on the horizon, a storm ready to fall upon them.

They need to see him as a general, a fearsome warrior ready to lead them to victory.

He is the son of Jupiter and wether he is fourteen or fifteen matters not.

It's not until his sixteenth birthday that Jason understands why birthdays are a special date.

A day to commemorate your life, to celebrate living another year.

When Piper hands him a cupcake, with poorly made frosting, Jason eats it, savouring every bite.

That memory goes lock itself next to Thalia's.

When the war is over, Jason thinks that celebrating his seventeenth birthday with all his friends wouldn't be that bad.

(In canon, Jason never makes it to seventeen. Here, we throw canon out of the window because birthday boy deserves some happiness.)

-----------------------------

Jason plops down on his bed, sighing.

What a long year it had been.

His sixteenth year of living began with a fight on the Acropolis, where he basically told his father he was a idiot for punishing Apollo.

Only for said god to barge into his dormitory months later, very mortal looking.

Then, his home is attacked by a zombie army lead by a dead roman king.

And how could he forget Piper breaking up with him.

Overall, that year wasn't the best of years Jason lived.

Except for all the friends he met and the sense of peace it brought him.

Not fully Roman, not entirely Greek, Jason is a children of both.

He has every right to feel at home in Camp Jupiter or Camp Half-Blood, where his father's statue is looking at him right now.

Jason lays in his bed, head purposesly facing the wall, and lets Morpheus greets him in his oneiric realm.

As Artemis leads her moon chariot in the night, June 31st morphs into July 1st.

-----------------------------

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !"

A lousy voice startles Jason out of sleep and he jolts awake.

"What ?" He asks disoriented and tangled in his sheets.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !" The same voice screams and it comes from a flying table making circles in his cabin.

"Buford ?" Jason yawns, "what are you doing here ?"

"WISHING YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !" Buford yells in his electronic voice, "FROM THE HOTTEST BOY ON EARTH !"

"Right, right, thank you. Can you tone it down a little ?"

"FROM THE DREAM OF ALL LADIES !"

"Yeah, I get it. But please, it's-" He checks the clock, "it's seven am."

"FROM THE SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE ARGO II !"

"What ? I gotta say his name ?"

"FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND !"

"Okay," Jason laughs softly, "thank you Leo for wishing me a happy birthday."

"YOU'RE WELCOME BLONDIE ! NOW GET DRESSED AND COME OUTSIDE !" Buford zooms out of the cabin by the open roof.

Jason shakes his head and quickly puts on a Camp t-shirt and a pair of jeans. When he opens the door, there's no one.

"I know you guys are hiding !" He screams as he scans his surroundings. "Buford told me-" He huffs as a weight settles of his back and arms snake around his neck.

"Happy birthday Jason !" Leo screams in his ear, "Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy-"

"birthday, thanks." Jason completes, holding Leo on his back.

"Amigo, you are going to live the best day of your life !" Leo claps his shoulders, excited.

"Did you plan it all ?"

"With some help but yes, it was me." Leo shrugs, "Now, it's time for breakfast."

"To the Pavillon we go."

Camp's grounds are empty as they walk towards the eating Pavillon.

"Nobody was woken up by Buford ?" Jason asks, surprised, "he made quite the noise."

"Don't worry about that." Leo flicks his head, surely grinning like a madman.

"Fine, but I don't want to bother anyone-" He falters as they enter the Pavillon.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON !" The whole camp scream, whistle, whoop.

He feels his face going hot, "Thanks you guys ! It's very nice of you to-"

At the Apollo Cabin, Will takes a mic and begins to sing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Jason Grace, happy birthday to you !" He finishes amidst his siblings' applauses.

"Woah, thank you Will." Jason says, his face probably the colour of a tomato.

Will bows and sits back, himself a little red but pleased with himself.

Leo jumps down from him, "Camp rules still apply so I gotta leave you here. But don't worry, I've got other surprises planned out for you." Leo winks and goes join his siblings.

Jason makes his way towards his table, murmuring "thank you", "really appreciated it", "you're the best." to all the campers he crosses.

When he finally sits down, another little surprise awaits him.

Blue brownies with a note.

"Sorry I'm not here buy you know, studies. Still, Annabeth and I wish you a happy birthday and you'll get our gifts later ! Enjoy your day, I'm still better than you because I win Kansas- ouch Annabeth ! Yes, I'm writing it because Jason will be my witness of your attitude. Appreciate the letter bro because it took me a while with dyslexia.

Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase

PS : I made the brownies (as if it wasn't obvious.), shut up Annabeth. Wait, can I still say shut up if you're writing ? (End the letter.), right, okay, ending the letter now."

Jason chuckles fondly, munching on a delicious brownie while he reads the note.

Most of his friends are at Camp Jupiter, Frank, Hazel, Annabeth, Percy.

He knows they would be here with him if they could, but the praetors are too busy to leave and Percy and Annabeth had exams coming up.

He tucks the note into his jeans and finishes the brownies, sacrificing a conjured apple to his father.

Hello, Father. Thank you for, hum, conceiving me ?

Yeah, that'll do.

He almost faceplates when Leo jumps on his back again.

"You're like a leech." He huffs, readjusting him so they are both comfortable.

"Don't know what that is but I'll assume it's something good." Leo replies, poking his neck. "Head towards the arena please, you have sword fighting class."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do." Leo chirps, "now go."

"Leech." Jason groans.

Another surprise awaits him at the arena.

"Nico !"

The son of Hades gives him a small wave, "Hi Jason. Happy birthday."

"You came all the way from the Underworld ?" Jason asks with a big smile on his face, "for me ?"

"Don't flatter yourself that much Jason." Nico replies drily, "Will is the main reason I'm here."

"Of course," Jason grins, "how presumptuous of me to assume otherwise."

"I hope I'm not interrupting-" Leo pipes in.

"You are."

"Hush Di Angelo, I got best friend's privileges." Leo continues, "Give him your gift."

"You got me a gift ?"

"Yes." Nico mumbles, glaring at Leo, "I am here for your birthday after all. And Will of course." He adds, taking out a small box from his jacket and handing it to him.

He shrugs Leo off his back and takes the box.

It's pin, with "best cousin awards" written in big golden letters on it.

"It's-" Jason smiles, "it's just to piss Percy off when he sees it, isn't it ?"

"No." Nico says with a straight face. Jason looks at him. "Maybe a little," he concedes, "but I do believe you are not a bad cousin to have."

"Thanks Nico." Jason says earnestly, "I would hug you but..."

Nico smiles, "I can make an exception." and opens his arms.

Jason hugs him briefly and as soon as he's done, Leo climbs again.

"Right ! Now Nico, go find your boyfriend and Jason, direction the Big House !"

This little game lasts the whole day, Leo taking him to different places and people greeting him, wishing him happy birthday.

Malcolm gives him sets of models and black glasses.

"From Annabeth and Percy." He said.

"I understand Annabeth's gifts but did Percy explained ?"

"Yeah." Malcolm suppressed a grin, "It's to help you disguise yourself, like Clark Kent."

Jason rolled his eyes but hanged the glasses on his t-shirt's hem.

Drew gifted him contact lenses.

Connor offered him a book on geometry and architectural design.

"Annabeth might have helped a little." The son of Hermes confessed "And I promise I bought them fair and square."

Katie, Nyssa, Pollux all give him gifts.

It warms his heart that they care so much.

"You did help save our camp." Katie smiled, "It's the kind of thing that makes us appreciate you."

He now has a beautiful plant, a new set of armour and a ticket to an arcade room in New York.

The sun sets and it's time for dinner.

"Leo," Jason calls him as his friend join his table, "thank you for this day, it was the best birthday gift ever."

His friend's eyes glint, "Ah but Jace, the day's not over yet !" and he leaves cackling.

What could have he planned ? Jason thinks as he eats his fries.

Two hands suddenly obscure his vision.

He waits for the person to speak but she doesn't, "I have to guess ?"

He takes the silence for a yes.

"Hum," Jason thinks, who could it be ? One of his friends from Camp Jupiter ? Or... maybe... "Thalia ?" He call out hesitantly.

"Great guess little brother." Thalia laughs as her face appears next to him, "great guess."

He hugs her instantly, "You-"

"Came especially for your birthday, yeah." Thalia finishes, "how could I not ? My little brother is seventeen !" She ruffles his hair, arm on his shoulder.

"For me," Jason repeats, "you came for me."

"Yeah," Thalia says, "I'll always come for you Jason, always." She smiles before adding, "happy birthday."

"You were my only memory for a while you know." He gulps, feeling tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm sorry- I don't know why I'm crying, it's a happy moment, I'm happy-" He takes a big breath, Thalia's circular hugs on his back soothing him.

"You always loved this." Thalia says wistfully, "It always succeeded to calm your tantrums."

"Still works." He sniffles, leaning into Thalia's touch.

"Fate is a cruel thing," she whispers, "I never thought I would see you again after mom left you in those woods. And I've missed all your life, all your birthday parties-"

"You didn't, I never celebrated my birthday until last year." Jason whispers back, "I wanted to keep how I remembered it, with you swinging me around in the house."

Thalia chortles, "You already loved being in the air as a baby, you would always sit next to me and ask to be carried."

"I'm too big now."

"Hey," she nudges him, "no matter how taller you get, you will always be my little brother."

"I'm older though."

"Tough, you're still younger in my eyes." She snarks back, her head resting on his shoulder. "Leo's the one that invited me. I would have come nonetheless but I'm glad you found him, he's a good friend."

"Yeah," he agrees, "he is."

"I didn't come alone." Thalia adds, "there's another hunter with me."

"Hello Jason." A new voice says from behind.

"Reyna," Jason replies, "you're a huntress now."

She nods, "It's what is best for me."

"I'm going to leave you two alone," Thalia says, standing up, "I'll sleep in Zeus cabin tonight so see you later."

After she leaves, Reyna makes no move to go seat with him.

She's as Jason remembered, exuding an air of royalty and undeniable leadership.

She's the leader everyone see when they look at her, the woman who lead New Rome by herself, the demigod that killed a giant.

But Jason can see the small scar on her right wrist, the one she got for teasing Aurum too much with his food.

Or how she's nibbling her lip, indicating she's hungry and the way her hands are clasped behind her back, so that Jason doesn't see them trembling.

She's vainly trying to put a facade Jason can see right through.

"I'm sorry." He says, because it's all he can say.

"What for ?" She tilts her head, "you didn't ask Juno to capture you."

"But you loved me." He adds, because they need to address it, "you loved me and I came back with another girl."

She stiffens and Jason knows that her hands are tightly clasped, Reyna willing herself to stay composed.

"It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have assumed you liked me back." Reyna clears her throat, "You had every right to date Piper."

"But-" He protests because he expected her to be angry, to be cold. She shouldn't be understanding, "I-"

She laughs bitterly, cutting him off, "You and Thalia share it, you know ? That unshaken belief that you are the cause of everything, that you have a hand in each matter evolving around you. I suppose it is divine heritage." she muses.

She scans the tables, her face lingering on Cabin 10.

"Venus' children ?" She asks and he nods, "Do you remember Charleston ?"

"Hum yes, we went to retrieve imperial gold-"

"I met Venus that day, and she told me that no demigod would ever heal my heart and that I will never find love where I hoped or wished to find." Reyna tells him, still looking at the Aphrodite Cabin, "I never told anyone that" she turns her obsidian eyes on him, "except you."

An olive branch.

An echo to the start of their friendship.

"I'm sorry for leading you on, for never making clear that I considered you a good friend." Jason apologises, feeling angry towards the goddess for ruining his best friend's life, "I hope the hunters of Artemis bring you the family you deserve Reyna."

He leans towards her, "I'm a little jealous of you to be honest," he smiles, a grin devoid of mirth, "I never had such a family before, and I don't think I ever will."

A secret for a secret.

That's how started their first friendship and that is how begins their new one, Reyna quietly seating next to him and directly stealing his fries.

"We'll come visit," she assures him, "every time we are near your location."

She eats quietly for another moment, her eyes fixed on Leo making laugh Harley over some joke.

"I think you're wrong."

"About what ?" He asks.

"About having a family, I think there's someone who would very much like spending his life with you."

"His ?" Jason picks up, "who is it ?"

"Leo Valdez could also make with some family," Reyna muses, "don't you think ?"

"Yeah..." He says slowly, "yeah, I suppose he can."

Next to him, Reyna grins slightly. "I'm sure he would be delighted if you were to sit next to him at your campfire, I'll tell Thalia not to wait for you."

"Maybe I want to sit with Thalia."

She raises her eyebrow, "She'll be here for the next two days, you'll have time to see her."

"Okay, okay" he relents, "I'll ask him when dinner ends."

They spend the rest of dinner chatting about the shrines Jason has to build, the relief of not being predator anymore, Aurum and Argentum, Reyna's new lifestyle.

"Leo !" He calls the son of Hephaestus who looks surprised to see him, "Wanna sit with me at campfire ?" He asks nervously.

"You're not going with Thalia ?"

For a reason unknown to Jason, Nyssa sighs loudly behind them and pinching her nose.

"She's staying a few days, I'll see her later. Right now, I want to go with you."

He gestures his back and Leo laughs but obliges, his head resting on his shoulder.

"Lead the way, Superman."

After two hours of singing, roasting s'mores, laughing until it hurts, Jason lays in his bed in Cabin 1, with a smile as Thalia's light snores fill the room.

Birthdays, Jason has come to find, are extraordinary days that he cherishes a lot for they bring all his friends together.

He cannot wait for his eighteenth birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON GRACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I'm a little late but it's because it ended up being way longer than I thought it would 😅

Sweet, fluffy, comforting story because he deserves it 💖

[bts-storys]

Bathing a bomb (m)

Author: bts-storys

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Rating: mature content, 18+

Genre: Strangers to lovers/ Lush Store AU/ Smut

Word Count: 5,901

Summary: Your job at the Lush store isn’t what you would call extremely exciting. That is until one customer just won’t stay out of the shop. And for that matter he won’t stay out of your head either.

Warnings: oral (female receiving), fingering, dirty talk, graphic description of sex, penetration, lots of stuff with hands, because I feel like that's what lush is essentially about, Seokjin being handsome as ever, some daydreaming about a shower

A/N: I changed my narrative perspective a bit, I hope everything sounds better now. I won't lie, this piece gave me a real hard time, so happy so present to you what I worked on the last weeks.

„Damn it! “

You flinch when you hear an angry voice right on the other side of the wall, sitting upright again in the process. The door bursts open and someone marches right into the break room.

“Are you okay, June?”, you carefully ask your co-worker. When you catch a glimpse at her hands you cock an eyebrow. “Did you touch the lilac soap again?”

“Yes, for god’s sake!”, she grumbles while digging in her bag. “I hate this damn allergy!”

“I told you to wear some gloves or at least call me to take care of it instead”, you say in a judging tone.

“I know, I forgot them. And you’re on break Y/N!” She looks at you with an apologetic expression while opening a jar of cream from her bag.

You laugh. “Well I was until now. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the customers and you do something about your hands, you look like an angry lobster.”

You put your coffee aside and your customer smile back on your face. Walking through the door, the overwhelming smell of hundreds of different scents washes right over you. When you first started working at the Lush store a few months prior, you found yourself with a headache at the end of every day from smelling so much all the time. When you had told June about it, she gave you a painkiller and assured you it would get better soon. She was right at the end and you grew into loving all the different scents. Nothing relaxes you more than the familiar fragrances in the store after a hard day of studying. You shake your head to get rid of the memory.

Even though June had been working here far longer, she just can’t deal with her lilac allergy due to her extreme stubbornness. Nara, your other co-worker is talking to a customer so you get back to one of the shelves and finish putting in the soap. Right at the last piece, someone behind you makes a coughing noise.

“Ehrm- Excuse me?”

You turn around. The speaker is a tall guy at least one head-length taller than you. He has broad shoulders and the most handsome face you have ever seen. His skin has a perfect shine as if he uses the exact right amount of moisturizer every day and his head looks perfectly shaped. His black hair matches his dark coat and the pair of boots he wears. His body-position gives off a high level of self-confidence, much contrary to his worried expression. His complete appearance is quite overwhelming and it takes you a second or two to get over yourself.

“Hi, what can I do for you?”, you smile at him.

He smiles back at you and you feel your heartbeat increase. “I was wondering… how many different bath bombs do you sell at the moment?”

Inwardly, you let out a sigh. Chances are pretty small, a handsome man like him would ask about bath bombs without the intention of giving them to a boyfriend or girlfriend. On the outside you maintain your customer smile.

“Right now, we have 20 different types of bath bombs here at the store. Do you have a specific fragrance you’re looking for?”

“N-No, not exactly. I want all of them…please.”

You look at him with confusion. “You want to buy every bath bomb in this store?!!”

“No!”, he quickly corrects. “I want to buy one of every type, if that’s possible.”

You start to laugh.

“I’m so sorry”, you tell him after getting a hold of yourself. “Of course, that’s possible, let’s grab a basket for you.”

He sends you a smile that gets right to your core. “Don’t worry, I know that it's a weird request. You have a cute laugh though.”

You feel your cheeks heat up, quickly turning around, reminding yourself that he is still a customer.

“Thank you, Sir. Let’s get to those bath bombs.”

“It’s Seokjin, actually. Please don’t call me ‘Sir’.”

You hide your surprise behind a straight face. “Okay Seokjin, follow me, please.”

You get to the counter where the bath bombs are stored, aware that he is right behind you. While filling the little basket with colorful shapes, you just can’t resist the curiosity.

“Soo, is there a reason to your special request?”, you ask him while scanning the stacks for more bombs.

“Um, I guess I just want to know what color they would produce. You know, all together.”

You turn around again, seeing him gulp.

“You want to use them all at once?” You try not to sound like you are laughing at him again, maintaining a neutral expression. “I’m finished by the way, so follow me to the checkout, please.”

You get behind the cash register, scanning the items before dropping them into a bag.

“Should I pack them as a gift?”, you try asking without raising his suspicion. Maybe he is still getting them for his SO or whatsoever even though it seemed like he was flirting with you for a brief moment.

“No, thank you”, he says, looking right into your eyes. The dark brown of his iris seems to pull you in, until you snap out of it after a few seconds. He pays and takes the bag from your hand. His gaze lingers on your form behind the apron you are wearing and you feel your breath hitch for a second.

Then the moment is over.

“Thank you for your kind consultation, Y/N.”, he says with a look at the tag on your shirt. At the mention of your name, you feel heat shooting through your body like he just set you on fire. Suddenly, you find it difficult to concentrate when he gives you one last look and leaves the store.

“DID GOD SEND US AN ANGEL TO GET 20 BATH BOMBS?!”, you hear June yell behind you.

“Who the hell was that, Y/N?”

“That was Seokjin and he wants to know what color they would produce all at once”, you answer like you’re in a trance.

“He WHAT- now?!”

For the next few days you try not to think about Seokjin too much. To tell the truth, you fail miserably. The main reason to that is certainly June who just won’t let go of the story, but if you are honest, you think about him as well. Even without her help. Seokjin piqued your interest and you want to know more about him.

You even start looking him up on social media in your work breaks but either he doesn’t have any public appearance or your fbi skills just aren’t good enough to find him.

The next week starts without any major events if you don’t count the old man who tries to eat a whole bar of shower soap and the middle-aged woman who just won’t understand the usage of a massage bar. After the third attempt of explaining she doesn’t need a lighter for the process, she just leaves and you try to stay calm. Suddenly, you hear someone call your name from behind.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You turn around and immediately feel like you’re not ready for the sight you’re greeted with. Seokjin is wearing a white, half-transparent shirt with long sleeves combined with skinny black pants.

They look too tight.

Your lungs feel tight too.

He even remembered your name. And how the hell are you fangirling over someone you only met once before?! A quick look around shows that both Nara and June are busy with customers so you pull yourself together and return his smile.

“Seokjin. How can I help you today?”

For a moment he looks a bit lost but quickly recovers.

“I loved how everything smelled the last time I was here, so I thought I’d get something else. You do sell shower gel, right?”

“Yeah, of course”, you say, turning around to get to the other side of the shop. While walking in front of him you try to relax your shoulders a bit.

Arriving at the shower themed area you try to get back to being professional again.

“Do you have anything special in mind? Maybe some ingredient you like?”, you ask him while scanning the stacks.

Your gaze comes to a halt when you spot a sign right next to his handsome face saying “prince charming”. Normally, you love the shower gel that is advertised, but right now you curse whoever chose its name. The real prince charming in front of you has the audacity to smirk at your irritation.

“I like products that smooth my skin when I’m in the shower”, he says looking you dead in the eye. “Maybe something that feels good when you apply it.”

You can’t do anything about it, the picture just appears in front of your inner eye. Seokjin standing in the shower, water floating over his shaped body. He rubs his damped skin with nourishing oils, his lips sinfully parted. His body looks perfect surrounded by the steam from the hot water. You visibly shudder.

“Are you cold?”, Seokjin asks, bringing you back to reality.

“N-No!”, you hastily say. Quickly, you grab a bar with a minty color from the shelf, showing it to him.

“What about this one? It’s really good for your skin, it’s based on natural ingredients.”

He leaves you completely stunned when he takes your hand into his, bringing the bar to his nose. His palm is soft and warm, embracing your small fingers with his. You feel like you float and the feeling tingles. Every inch of your body is on edge, not missing a single second of the moment. His touch is light and gentle, giving you the opportunity to pull away. Obviously, you don’t. Further, you don’t even breathe until he lets go of you again.

“Yeah, it smells nice", he says. "I’ll take it."

Your wobbly legs take the two of you to the checkout, where you wrap the soap bar.

“Do you work here every day?”, Seokjin asks you casually. “If you don’t mind answering”, he adds.

“I don’t”, you smile. “I work from Monday ‘til Thursday after my college courses.”

He looks impressed. “You study and work at the same time?”

You laugh at his expression. “Something has to pay the rent, right? Also working here is more fun than it looks like.”

“I mean, if you like working in a giant flower meadow, then yeah”, he jokes. “What’s your major though?”

“International Management”, you say sheepishly. “Probably not the most interesting- “

“Awesome!”, he exclaims. “I work in the management area myself, you know.”

“You do?” Secretly, you had put him into modeling or maybe he really was an angel like June had noted multiple times.

“I work at a small music label with some of my friends”, he explains further. “Maybe we could- “

You don’t get to hear what he wants to say.

“Y/N? Can you please go and help June? I swear to god if she touches that damn soap one more time, I’ll tie her hands behind her back!!”, Nara shouts at you from the other side of the store.

“I’m sorry.”

You and Seokjin both apologize at the same time.

“Here’s your recipe”, you smile and hand him the package with his purchase.

“It was nice talking to you Y/N”, Seokjin says, giving you one last look before leaving the store.

You look at his broad back longingly before rushing to get to June before Nara can live up to her promise.

On Friday, you start your day off with working on an essay for your finance course. After finishing a couple of pages, you get ready to meet June at the fairground. Apparently, her roommate works there, selling crêpes which are “not from this world, maybe even from another galaxy”, as June claims.

At the end of the day you wonder if you may have lost some of your sanity, because on the weekend you can’t stop thinking about Seokjin at all. The picture of him touching your hands and looking at you in such a deep way seems to be burned into your brain. You also start to ask yourself if he feels the same about you. He must have felt something the second time he went to buy the shower bar. At least you hope he did. Maybe you’re completely out of place and he was just being himself? It’s not only the girls who get mistaken when they’re just being super nice, you remind yourself.

You could ask him out the next time he buys something. If there is a next time. Or would that be unprofessional at your workplace?

Without finding a solution to your problem, you nervously wait for the next workday to arrive. Who doesn’t arrive though is the person in question. June comments on your stiffness a few times but other than that nothing happens the entire week. You’re exhausted from studying and working afterwards but most of all from wondering if you will meet Seokjin again.

The next Monday comes and goes while your hope slowly dies. On Tuesday, you’re stacking up some massage bars catching yourself daydreaming. You can see Seokjin right in front of you. He’s wearing a dark blue sweater that makes a great contrast to his skin tone and reminds you of a deep ocean.

Only then you realize that he is indeed standing right in front of you. You’re not dreaming, you’re staring and it’s getting damn awkward.

“Seokjin!”, you screech, quickly trying to change to professionalism again.

“Hi, Y/N”, he says, completely oblivious to your thoughts. He’s really here, you think, getting more and more excited. It’s as if someone just lifted a grey filter and every color gets brighter again.

He points at the bar in you hand. “What’s that?”

“That’s a massage bar”, you say, happy he picked a topic other than you ogling him. “It can be used for a massage or as a body lotion after showering. It contains cocoa butter and mineral oils.”

The shower image comes to your mind again but you quickly shove it back.

“Sounds lovely”, he says and for a split second his gaze falls to your lips. At least you think it does. Internally you take a deep breath, working up some courage. “Do you want to try it?”, you ask in a rush.

He looks surprised but quickly recovers, nodding and pulling up one sleeve. You’re greeted with the sight of his slender hand and the visible veins running down his arm. Holding back a shiver while taking his hand you softly rub some of the product onto his skin. Then you start massaging the back of his hand with gentle strokes. Your gaze lingers for a moment and your heart most definitely skips a beat when you look up again. All the angelic features of Seokjins face have vanished. His eyes are half closed and he looks almost sinful. A small noise escapes his parted lips and you think you might faint.

It feels exciting and intimidating to touch him like this.

In the middle of the store you’re working at.

For each and every one to see.

When the realization hits you, you drop his hand in embarrassment. His eyes snap open and he looks equally as shocked as you are. He takes a step back in the same moment you find your voice again.

“I’m sorry, do you- eh do you like the product? Should I pack it for you?”, you ask, trying to deescalate the situation.

“Huh?” Seokjin looks at you like he sees you for the first time today. “Ah no, thank you! I-I think I need to leave, actually.”

Before you can even do so much as blink, he rushes out of the door. You’re left with the massage bar in your hand and your heart at your feet. How come you didn’t notice it was involved until now? Why did he leave, did you do something wrong?

You feel like you’re about to cry but fight it successfully. Okay, maybe you did develop a crush on a customer. And maybe some part of you was convinced that it was mutual and Seokjin had a thing for you as well. Obviously, he had not.

The last time someone ran from you as fast as he did was at a fetching game in elementary school. Either way, now is definitely not the time to dive further into your feelings. While leading another customer through the store, June brushes your shoulder.

“What the hell did just happen?”, she whispers, keeping up her façade smile at the same time. You just shake your head, unable to answer because honestly you don’t know. Maybe you did cross a line but at the same time you felt like Seokjin had actually liked it.

The rest of the shift you work on auto-pilot. Your customer smile never fades but inside you feel empty. Even if you had interpreted every sign Seokjin gave you wrong, you felt as if there was a connection between the two of you. How could you be so false about that?

By the end of the day you feel exhausted, looking forward to crying in some of your pillows. Maybe there’s still ice cream left in your refrigerator. A miserable scene starts playing in your head and you quickly shake it off, as you finish cleaning the last counter.

“I’m heading home, okay?”, you exclaim, earning a thumbs up from Nara and a worried look from June. Luckily, she stays silent giving you the space you need right now. With your jacket and bag draped over one arm you leave the store. It’s dark outside but still pretty warm. Only a few people are out, most of them heading home as well now.

Maybe the rejection will hurt less in a few days, you think to yourself. Just as you turn around the corner, someone tall bumps into you. You squeak and jolt backwards when you realize who you just ran into. Seokjin. It had to be him out of all people. A thousand different thoughts cross your mind.

How do you react? What is he doing here? Did he come back to talk to you? Should you be angry at him?

Your stupid heart betrays you by skipping a beat and then starting a race in your chest. Still, it starts to hurt just as much when you hear his voice again.

“Y/N!” He seems to be just as surprised as you are. “Shit, I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

Even with a shocked look on his face he’s still gorgeous and you feel like crying again. Avoiding his gaze, you look down and realize that he’s waiting for an answer.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry.”

Even a total stranger would notice the shakiness of your voice. You really need to escape this situation. Now.

“Look, I’m okay. I’ll just head home now, so… have a great evening.”

You awkwardly try to shuffle past him but he catches your arm holding you back.

“No, please wait!”

He’s so close now that you can smell his cologne. Something really sweet mixed with soap that makes you want to get closer to him. Instead, you try to free yourself from his grip. You still don’t know why he left earlier and it hurts being near him.

“Let me go please, I need to- “

“Just listen to me, I swear I’ll make it quick!”, he interrupts you.

His voice sounds really desperate which is why you feel yourself slowly nod.

“I owe you an apology for what happened today.” After his first words the scene starts to play in your head again and you slightly stiffen at the memory.

“I’m really sorry that I just left like that. It wasn’t your fault at all, I was just- you know I- shit this is embarrassing.” He sighs, stumbling over his own words.

By now you’re even more confused than before.

“I don’t understand”, you say. “Why did you leave?”

Seokjin runs a hand through his hair. You can see that he’s frustrated but you don’t know why.

“Ah, fuck it”, he mutters under his breath and then looks right into your eyes.

“The first time I came to the store, it was because I lost a bet with my friends”, he admits in a rush. “I felt stupid and embarrassed, but you were so nice and extremely cute so the next time I came, it was because I wanted to see you again.”

The world stops spinning. At least you feel like it does, because you’re suddenly out of air after his confession. He came to see you?

Not noticing any of this, Seokjin continues.

“I know, it may sound really creepy, I realize that, but you seemed to be having a good time as well, so I figured you felt the same?” At this he pushed his fingers through his hair again. It’s an irritating gesture because you know you shouldn’t stare at them like you do right now.

A tiny part of you wishes he would touch you instead.

“One time I almost asked you out, but we got interrupted and I lost my courage, I guess. And when I saw how shocked you were today after what happened, I just thought that I completely misinterpreted everything. I didn’t want you to feel pressured if you really don’t feel the same, that’s why I left. So- yeah, I realize now that I probably acted like an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“You were an idiot, that’s true.”

Seokjin looks startled.

Gaining courage, you openly smile at him.

“I feel the same about you”, you softly say. “Talking to you is so easy, I feel like I could do it all day. I’m sorry I reacted like this back in the store, I just remembered where we were and you’re a customer…I panicked.”

You take a deep breath.

“And when you left, I felt devastated. One moment you’re there and it’s going great and we're touching and the next second you run off. It just hurt…” Your last words are only a whisper escaping your lips.

At some point during your confession, Seokjin decided to take a step closer, now standing only inches away from you and his scent is all around you again.

“So, you liked touching me?”, he asks with a small smirk on his lips. Those beautiful pink lips you want to feel so badly. You quickly nod, heat rushing through your cheeks.

“And Y/N”, he says while moving the last bit closer. “Do you feel like panicking right now?”

“I don’t think so. “

His lips are on yours in an instant. Everything becomes less important to the feeling of Seokjin kissing you. It’s as if the whole world went silent at once just so you won’t get interrupted.

When his thumb starts caressing your cheek, you part your lips, giving him access to your mouth. His tongue plays with your lower lip before licking into you softly. He tastes amazing and you feel yourself getting lost, when he suddenly pulls away.

“This is okay, right?” he asks, panting heavily.

Instead of answering, you pull him in again. This time it’s different though. The first kiss was sweet and new. This one is pure hunger. You feel your skin burn where he touches you on top of your shirt. In return, you let your hands wander beneath his blue sweater, tracing his skin with your fingers. Seokjin growls against your mouth.

He then starts to tilt your head so he can bring his lips to your neck. And boy, he knows what he’s doing. His lips place wet kisses on your sensible skin and when he starts sucking right below your ear, a tiny moan escapes your lips. At this you push lightly against his chest. Again, this is sadly not the right place. You’re still out on a street.

He takes the hint and stops kissing you. His lips look swollen and wet and you have to force yourself not to kiss him again. He opens his mouth, possibly to say anything including some stupid apology, but you quickly take his hand.

“Let’s continue this some place else. Maybe somewhere without an audience?”, you suggest.

Seokjin laughs, visibly relieved and starts pulling you into the direction he originally came from.

His voice seems darker than before. “I live right around the corner, we can go there.”

You hum in approval, not missing the fact that he doesn’t let go of your hand.

On the way to his apartment you keep up a small chat about some of your courses and the work Seokjin does. Still, you can feel the tension in the air between you. On the outside you maintain interested, when all you can think about is his skin against yours.

Finally, you arrive in front of a small building with a blue painted wooden door. Seokjin fumbles with his keys while you can only look at his beautiful hands. You crave his touch and the feeling of being in his arms. The door opens and he pulls you inside. A staircase later you’re in front of the apartment door.

“I do have a roommate, but he’s out of town at the moment”, he explains while unlocking the door. Inside the hall you don’t even get time to look at the furniture before Seokjin pushes you against the wall.

“God, you’re so beautiful”, he whispers right before he kisses you again.

His lips are rough, and you meet them with the same amount of hunger. After all, you missed them since the last touch. You can feel his hands on the back of your thighs when he suddenly lifts you up without missing a beat. His mouth is still working against yours but now you’re just too aware of a certain hardness between your legs that shoots heat through your spine.

You feel yourself getting wet and pray that he won’t notice.

When Seokjin flips his thumb over your hard nipple you can hardly hold back a moan. He searches for permission in your face and upon finding it, pulls your shirt over your head. He’s met with the sight of a mint green bralette hugging your breasts. When he’s teasing you again over the fabric, you’re forced to close your eyes, moaning his name in pleasure.

The next thing you feel is his mouth engulfing your nipple. It’s hot and wet and you automatically arch your back to get closer to the feeling. He swirls his tongue around you, drawing soft noises from your throat.

“Please don’t stop”, you beg while pulling at some soft strands of his hair.

“You’re driving me crazy, Y/N”, he admits. “I can’t wait to feel you.”

“Then don’t”, you simply say, tugging at the hem of his sweater. He complies, pulling it off and you gasp lightly at the sight of his naked torso. Your fingers trail down the lines of his shoulders and your lips connect again, this time it’s sweet and full of anticipation.

You can feel the wall behind you vanish as Seokjin starts walking towards his bedroom, never breaking the kiss. He lays you down on his bed as if you were made of glass and starts taking off your jeans in the same movement.

“Come and sit here, will you?”, he says.

You do as you’re told and when you meet his eyes again, you forget how to breathe. Seokjin is on his knees right in front of you, his black pants hanging loosely on his hips, his dark hair messy from your hands. You don’t even think he looks human anymore.

“Open your legs for me, princess.”

The new nickname makes you shiver, as well as the cold air meeting your wet panties as you comply. The man in front of you uses a long, slender finger to tug your underwear to the side and is rewarded with the sight of your glistening folds.

“You’re so wet princess, is this all for me?”

You moan as a response, unable to form a proper word in your head. No one has ever made you feel like this before.

Seokjin lowers his head and you lose every train of thoughts when you feel his tongue on you.

He licks up a stripe and your legs tremble out of pleasure. He starts sucking on your clit, leaving you a moaning mess, your hands grasping the sheets so you won’t lose balance.

Your breath hitches as Seokjin introduces a single digit to your entrance. His other hand is still holding you in place, while he works you up simultaneously with his tongue and finger. He starts pumping in and out faster, hitting your soft walls with every push. You’re on the edge, all you can think of is more, more.

“P-Please”, you say, breathing heavily. “I want to feel your cock inside of me. I need you. Now.”

He looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“You think you can take me, princess?”, he asks while getting up.

You nod a bit nervous at the sight of Seokjin taking off his pants and boxers at once. He’s way bigger than you had imagined. Like the rest of his body even his cock looks perfectly shaped, his tip already wet with a few drops of precum. You bite your bottom lip, can’t help but stare at him in awe. It’s the first time you see him completely naked and you try to take everything in at the same time.

Seokjin starts to crawl above you, keeping eye contact while you shuffle back until you hit the bedside. He pulls you down again by your legs, bringing his lips to your ear.

“I keet imagining this moment since the first time we met. Your hands all over me, while I pound you into the mattress until you scream my name”, he whispers.

Your answer is a kiss. On his lips you can taste yourself, mixed with the same impatience you feel building up inside of you. You reach down, slipping a finger over the head of his cock, bringing it back up to your mouth. Seokjin looks like he’s about to choke. Next thing you know, your panties are abandoned and he’s rolling a condom on himself that just appeared out of nowhere.

“Look at me while I fill you up so good”, he demands as he positions himself at your entrance. You both sigh at the feeling of him entering you inch by inch. He pauses when he’s completely inside of you.

“How can you be so tight? Your little pussy was made for me, right princess?”

You feel your cheeks get red, but there is no time to be ashamed of anything.

When he starts moving, you can feel how big he really is with every push. Seokjin flips at your nipple again before his mouth is on yours again and your soft moans get mixed with needy whines. His left hand is stroking your curves, coming to a halt at your hip, to keep you in place while he starts to go deeper.

His lips find your neck and you mewl loudly when he bites down on it. The next second the short pain is gone as he licks over the hickey he just created.

All of the sudden, he lowers his pace and you feel him even more, stretching you out deliciously. With a small movement, he starts to hit you at a specific angle, still going slow and making you feel him all the way.

He presses light kisses behind your ear, whispering “You’re fucking gorgeous Y/N”.

And then you feel his hand between your legs.

Seokjin stops kissing you to look at your face as he starts stimulating your clit with his fingers while moving faster again. You moan uncontrollably at the pleasure that takes over you.

“P-Please!”, you choke out.

“What is it princess? You need to use your words. Tell me what you need.”

His hot breath is on your face. Never in your life has anyone made you feel so precious and vulnerable at the same time.

“Please, S-Seokjin! Make me cum, I need you!”, you whine, while he proceeds to push you to the edge with every hard plunge of his cock.

“Say my name again, princess, I’ll make you feel so good!” His clenched teeth tell you that he’s not far from coming himself. His fingers and the feeling of him bouncing in and out of you almost make you faint.

“Seokjin!”, you cry out and your world shatters as the orgasm rips through you. A few pushes after, you feel Seokjin spill himself into the condom.

You’re both painting heavily when he rolls off of you and you feel his gaze from the side.

You turn your head, giving him a soft smile and the look, he rewards you with, makes your face heat up again.

“I think that was the best sex I ever had”, you admit sheepishly, holding your breath for a few seconds before releasing it again.

Seokjin smiles his angelic smile and brushes a sweaty strand of hair behind your ear.

“Me too.”

For a moment you both remain silent. Then he clears his throat.

“I hope this isn’t too late, but I really meant what I said before. Will you go out with me Y/N?”

“Yes”, you say wholeheartedly. “I would love to. There’s only one last question I have.”

“And that is?”, he asks with a confused look.

“What color did that bathtub have at the end? You know, the one where you put all the bath bombs together?”

“Y/N, I swear to god…”, he says and the rest of the sentence is drowned out by your laughter.

© Bts-Storys, 2021. Do not copy or repost without permission.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading all of it! I'm still working on my smut writing skills, I hope you can see some improvement.

[z-iridest]

(And now, some Kaminari Soulmate AU Fluff XD... I started this during a Deku Sprint @bnhabookclub )

Why Did It Have to Be Me?: A Denki Kaminari x Female Shy! Reader (Soulmate AU)

Warning: Cursing

(Based off the song of the same name, please listen to it while reading this! :3 )

"Come on, guys, get a move on!" Mina shouted over her shoulder, Kaminari, Kirishima and Sero all attempting to drag a cursing Bakugou toward a karaoke bar.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME, NERDS! I'M NOT SINGING!" Bakugou yelled as he attempted to dig his heels into the ground to prevent them from dragging him in. Out of all the stupid ass things they force him to do, why did it have to be a karaoke bar?

"No one's gonna force you to sing, man." Kirishima told him. "We're just gonna have some fun. Besides, you've been really stressed out lately, and Kaminari needs a night out with the gang to forget..."

"All right, all right, no need to bring it up again!" Kaminari interjected before Kirishima could finish. Kaminari had gone through a God awful break up about 6 months before. Despite the fact that his most recent ex had been horrible to him, Kaminari couldn't forget her. Hell, he wouldn't even flirt with any other girl.... The only good thing about the relationship ending? His Soulmate Timer tattoo finally popped up with exactly six months to go, the timer now reading 6 minutes, 29 seconds and counting. He felt a hand on his shoulder, bringing him back out of his thoughts. Turning his head, he saw Jirou.

"No worries, Kaminari, we're gonna have so much fun tonight, you won't have time to think about it." Jirou told him. Kaminari gave a half smile while Mina and the others dragged Bakugou inside, Kaminari entering behind them. Just as Bakugou was about to jump out of his seat to leave, Kirishima put his favorite soda in front of him. Bakugou automatically sat back down, though he had a pout on his face.

"Fine, but if we stay here longer than 30 minutes, I'm out of here." He grumbled. The entire BakuSquad got up on stage, except for Bakugou, and sang until their stomachs hurt from laughing so hard. While Kirishima, Mina and Sero were being goofballs on stage, Kaminari jumped a bit when he saw the time remaining. His gold eyes darted around the room. Less than a minute left on his soulmate timer, where was his soulmate? What did they look like? What were they like? Would they even like him? His mind raced with countless questions until...

"G-Guys, please don't." He heard a female voice and turned his head to see a beautiful pair of e/c eyes wide in fright as they were focused on the same stage Kirishima, Sero and Mina were now exiting.

"Aw, come on, Y/N, have a little fun." Kaminari nearly growled at the friend's tone of voice and the look on their face. Whoever it was, he hated them already. You, on the other hand....

Despite your best efforts to stay off the stage, your friends were stronger, managing to push you on stage. You were trembling with eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Your h/c hair was covering half your face as jazzy music started playing. It was obvious that you were scared, and the fact that your friends were laughing at you only pissed him off. Since he knew the song, Kaminari jumped out of his seat, racing over to the stage to get there before the introductional instrumental ended. You noticed that there were only seconds left on your soulmate timer,  jumping a bit when you noticed the blond joining you on stage. Something in that blonde's gold eyes made your panicked breathing start to slow down, bringing you back down from the panic attack that was coming on... He gingerly held your hands in his, his thumb smoothing over the back of your hands.

"It's just you and me right now. Focus on me, okay?" He whispered before he started singing the song to you.

"When you were lonely, you needed a man." He flexed goofily on man, grinning just a bit when he noticed the most adorable blush cross your face. "Someone to lean on, well, I understand.

That's only natural, but why did it have to be me?

Nights can be empty and nights can be cold, so you were looking for someone to hold.

That's only natural, but why did it have to be me?" He sang, dancing with you slightly as he sang.

"I was so lonesome, I was blue.

I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I thought you knew the reason why." His smile got bigger as he notice your growing smile. You were starting to relax. He really got into dancing on stage with you, grinning when a giggle left you.

"I only wanted a little love affair, but now I can see you are beginning to care, but baby...

Believe me...

It's better...

To forget me!" You sang before laughing as Kaminari danced with you to the instrumental, grinning all the while. It was working... The BakuSquad watched Kaminari with shit-eating grins on their faces. Kaminari was forgetting about his ex, and from what it looked like, he had finally found his soulmate... Even better... Kaminari pulled you close to him when the soft melody played, softly smiling down at you. No matter what, he wanted to keep you safe... To always make you smile... He grinned and danced with you as the tempo kicked back up again.

"Falling in love with a woman like you,

happens so quickly, there's nothing to do.

It's only natural, but why did it have to be me?" Kaminari sang to you as he spun you.

"I was so lonesome, I was blue.

I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I

thought you knew the reason why.

I only wanted a little love affair, but

now I can see you are

beginning to care, but baby...

Believe me...

It's better...

To forget me!" You sang back to him, giggling as you two danced on stage, forgetting the world around you. As the song winded down, you laughed as Kaminari dipped you as everyone cheered, the BakuSquad being the loudest. He grinned down at you before noticing that your so called "friends" had ditched you. His gaze softened as he helped you back upright.

"Hey, um... Do you... maybe want to join my friends and I? If you'll allow me to, I wanna get to know you better." Kaminari asked. You blushed and nodded. He got off stage first before helping you down. "I'm Denki, by the way... Denki Kaminari." He introduced himself as he led you to the BakuSquad with an arm around you. You blushed shyly.

"I-I'm Y/N... Y/N L/N." You introduced yourself, blushing darker when he pulled out a chair for you, gently cradling your hand in his as he helped you sit down. Once you were seated, he kissed the back of your hand and sat down next to you. He made the necessary introductions before staying by your side for the rest of the night, getting to know everything about you....

"And that, my adorable little princess, is how I met your goregous mother." Denki finished telling the story to the e/c baby girl in his arms many years later. His infant daughter cooed up at him before nuzzling into his chest. He chuckled as he held her close. "My little spark." He nuzzled his nose with hers, causing her to coo happily and giggle. He chuckled.

"Denki." Denki looked up at the sound of his name to see you, your h/c hair messy with the bedhead he wasn't supposed to see until that morning. "Don't you think it's time she goes to sleep?" You asked him with an eyebrow raised. Denki pouted.

"Not my fault she's Daddy's little girl, she was crying for me, babe." Denki told you before smiling sweetly down at the little girl in his arms. "Yeah, you're Daddy's girl, huh?" He asked her, getting a smile out of her and a squeal. He chuckled.

"Well, she won't be your little girl forever, Denki." You told him. The look that crossed his face in that split second looked like you had just kicked a puppy. He held his daughter protectively close to his heart.

"No." He whined. "Why can't she stay my little princess forever?"

"She has to grow up at some point, Denki. Besides, who'll fight as a hero in your place once you can't anymore?"

"Babe, can't I just enjoy the baby years? She hasn't even got a quirk yet." Denki replied as his little girl started babbling and playing with her little toes in his arms. He grinned down at her and peppered her little face in kisses.

"Fine, but it's still her bedtime." You answered him. Denki grinned at you before shifting his little girl to one arm and holding out his now free arm for you. You obliged, coming close before Denki wrapped his arm around you while holding his daughter. As the two of you sang a lullabye together to send your little girl into the land of sweet dreams, thinking of the little family that you and Denki had made together, neither you had any idea that her quirk had already begun to develop.

And it was quite... Electric.....

(A/N: Btw, there was an Easter Egg in there! Did you catch it? I'll wait while you scroll back up to reread it)

..........

( A/N: Okay, if you scrolled down, you either know what the Easter Egg was or you're just lazy XD. Either way, I'll tell you.... It was the time on Denki's soulmate timer. The time: 6 minutes and 29 seconds, actually points to Kaminari's birthday, June 29th.... I did this one other time in the Soulmate AU one shot I did with Izuku... Can you find it? Anyways, that's it from me for now. See you on the next one shot!)

[sarahsstories]

a letter to an old friend.

tuesday, june 06th, 2017

delivered june 12th

update - this letter was not delivered.

dear tony-

june 12th, 2017, today, marks exactly 4 months since the very last time we've had a legitimate conversation. that's the reason why i chose to give this letter to you on this day. there's a couple things i would like to talk about in this letter. a lot of things i haven't told you, and it might be a little overwhelming and maybe even shocking. i want to tell you these things here in this letter because i don't know if i will have another chance to tell you. i would appreciate if you would read to the end of this letter, but i would understand if you choose not to. a quick fair warning ... this letter is a combination of cheesy, corny, and cringey.

i just wanted to tell you that i miss you. a lot.

remember how we used to talk almost every single night last summer? and how we used to go to your park a lot? remember summer celebration weekend, a lot of us met up and had a lot of fun? do you remember one time you came over and you 1v1 ed nick? even though it was just for a little bit, he later told me he had a lot of fun. i hope you remember that, because i do. and i think about it every day. i think about you every day. i know that sounds creepy, but i'm sure you understand. that's one of your character traits that will always stand true; you're always understanding and supportive, no matter the situation and if you can relate or not. you were always there for me when i was sad or mad, and you always made me feel better. i tried to be there for you, and i learned that sometimes the best thing to do is to just leave you alone. as much as you might have wanted the peace, i wish i would've never stopped talking to you because my life has been shit without you in it. i'm not just saying that, i'm being honest. as pathetic as it may make me seem, i cried a ton about you. as i'm writing this letter now, i'm starting to tear up. i read through old snapchats, looked through old photos and videos, and every time i'd see something meaningful, i'd tear up. i hope this is a good explanation of how much you meant, how much you still mean to me. i know we're going through some shit right now, i just wanted to let you know that i have always cared about you, and i will always care about you, no matter how old we are, friends or not. i hope you feel the same about me. i know you do because that's another one of your personality traits that will stick with you forever; care. you're like a brother to me, and i will always care about you, no matter what.

do you remember that one time on the bus my coat was on the floor? everyone who got off at your stop stepped over or on it, and i tried to move it but people were walking so i just waited. as you walked off, you stepped over my coat, too. but the you turned around, picked it up, and handed it to me. i don't know if you remember that, and i don't think you realize it, but picking up my coat meant so much to me. the fact that we weren't exactly on speaking terms, yet you were still kind enough to pick up my coat, it meant a lot. i know it's dumb, but it did. i just wanted to let you know.

something else i wanted to address, and i wish i can go back in time to fix it.

telling me who you had a crush on was an honor. at the time, i didn't think you'd actually tell me who you liked, but you still told me. you told me because you i trusted me enough to tell me your secret. you put the weight on my shoulders of hiding a huge secret from my best friend, who i tell everything to. it was very hard to do, a lot harder than you may realize. this next part i don't think i told you, and if i did, here it is again. if i didn't, well… here it goes.

do you remember kara's party? it was her birthday party if i remember correctly, she invited the usual people from grade school that go to parties. anyway, before everyone else showed up, kara had me and ruby over to help set up. i was showing ruby a message from you on my DMs or snapchat or something that was completely not related to her like i don't even know what i was showing her (but that's irrelevant). so anyways she started scrolling and she read something about you liking her and she kept reading and i suddenly remembered that i had that stuff on there, but by the time i grabbed my phone out of her hands, it was too late. she played dumb at first, like “wait tony likes me?!” but then admitted that she had a feeling all along. later, when everyone else showed up to the party and we were at the park and it was dark out (remember ju was looking for her earring or something?), ruby pulls me and kara aside and says three words...

“i like tony.”

i don't know if you noticed it that night, but she talked to you a lot more and she flirted with you a lot more. i don't know if you noticed it that week, but she texted you a lot more than usual.

a few weeks later, maybe about two, i asked her if she still likes you. she said “i don't think so, no”

again, this is gonna sound creepy, but kara, ruby, and i have talked about you. we talk about all the great memories we made with you, and how much we miss you. i know that makes us sound like whiny pathetic bitches, but my part of my point is that they miss you tons too. we've all cried about you and how much we miss talking to you, but i don't know how else to explain it. the other part of my point is that ruby lied to me and kara. she told us she liked you for about two weeks, but she admitted that she had feelings for you for 2 months. and that's the biggest thing i've been hiding from you.

the main reason why i didn't tell ruby and betray you is because i didn't want to lose your trust, and i didn't want to lose our friendship. but not telling ruby was very hard, and she was pretty upset for a while that i didn't tell her earlier. but i sacrificed that to not lose your trust, and to not lose our friendship. looking back, i wish i would've told ruby and taken the risk of our friendship and your trust being broken. i know that our friendship wouldn't be ruined because you would have forgiven me, especially since it meant that you would probably get to be ‘with’ ruby. most of me regrets it, but there's still a part of me that is glad i didn't say anything. ruby thinks that you guys’ ‘thing’ wouldn't have even lasted long because, as you know, she didn't want to date until sophomore year, but i think it would last a lot longer than she thinks. but because of my decision not to say anything, the summer 2016 tony and ruby never happened, when it possibly could have. i don't know whether to apologize or to say “you're welcome”, but you can choose whichever version you like better. so, i'm sorry for not telling ruby you liked her, or, you're welcome for not telling ruby you liked her. even though i did. actually, i'm sorry that ruby saw those texts about her between us. i had absolutely no intention of showing her those texts AT ALL (again, keeping your trust and our friendship). and i'm sorry it never worked out between you guys.

i'm starting to realize the length of this letter, and i'm going to try to finish up with some apologies, explanations, and a question.

looking back on our arguments that we've had this year, i realized that most of the stuff i was upset about was dumb. it almost embarrasses me when i look back at some of our arguments this year. i would like to apologize for accusing you, overreacting, and for being a brat. i accused you of not playing your part in our friendship, which is extremely hypocritical of me to say. i was mad one time how you talked to AJ the whole time in study hall. looking back, i was ultimately the one not playing my part because i would sit by my friend more than half the time. i accused you of putting your new friends in front of your old friends, when i did the same thing. i overreacted about a bunch of stupid things that are completely irrelevant, and i was a selfish brat.

i am so so sorry. i'm so sorry. i wish you could hear how sorry i am in text but that's why i would like to speak to you in person. i would give anything to have a conversation with you because i miss you so much. you don't have to, and if you hate me right now, i understand because i hate myself too. i fucked everything up as usual, and i'm absolutely terrified this won't work, and i want it to work so bad. even if you never want to speak to me again, i just want to have one last conversation with you. i'd give anything. please.

the point of this letter is to let you know my thoughts, and hopefully this will open your eyes to some other things you probably didn't know about.

you know where to text me. don't feel like you have to, but i'd really appreciate if you did. if you got this far, thank you for taking the time to read this very long letter. i appreciate it so much more than you know.

thank you so much.

sarah