#it went ok. the bill is going to the next round of discussions.

[isleofapplepies]

girl wake up, new sexuality dropped, courtesy of poslanec huba volný, free human turd

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Chapter 12- ILY

Chapter Summary: Its Christmas…and we reach the end of a stressful year for Frank…but as he looks back he realises, it ain’t all been that bad.

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Talks of SMUT but nothing major

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 11

Frank looked up as Fliss walked into her parent’s kitchen and his mouth dropped open. She was dressed in a gorgeous long legged strapless jumpsuit along which the neckline was embellished with lace flowers which spread down the sheer sleeves. Her long hair was styled in loose curls and she’d done something to her make up that made her cheek bones stand out even more. Her eyelids were adorned with a deep green that shimmered and made her dark eyes pop and she had a clear gloss on her plump lips. Fuck, she looked stunning. But as he watched, he saw her face fall and she bit her lip.

“Is it…is it not ok?” She asked shyly “I can change…I mean…”

“Don’t you dare.” He said sternly, stepping forward, his hands falling to her hips “Honey, you look amazing.”

Her face lit up and she smiled at him, shyly “I wasn’t sure how posh to go or…”

“Lissy…” He chuckled “Stop it.”

“Sorry.” She wrinkled her nose as she stepped back slightly and looked him up and down, taking in his dark jeans, boots and light denim button down. “You look pretty good too Sailor.” she smiled, running her hands up his chest to his shoulder and he noticed then she was also wearing her Pandora. He smiled back, his eyes also spotting that her neck was bare and then had the perfect idea for a final Christmas Gift he had been struggling to come up with. With a soft smile he leaned down, taking in that she was slightly taller than usual thanks to her heels and he pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth.

“Get a room…” Bill shot as he walked into the kitchen, Mary in tow.

“Bore off.” Fliss shot back, looking at her dad as he sent her a grin before he did a double take.

“Wow, you look cracking Titch.”

“Thanks” she smiled

“You ready to go?”

“Sure you don’t mind dropping us?” Frank turned to look at Bill “It’s no problem to get a cab.”

“It’s no bother at all, besides, I need to collect the Thai anyway.” Bill waved him off.

“You’re getting Thai?” Frank raised an eyebrow and glanced at Mary “Funny that just so happens to be your favourite…”

She shrugged “Verity asked what I wanted for dinner.”

Frank sighed and looked at Bill “You spoil her.”

Bill shrugged “And?”

Frank rolled his eyes a soft smile playing on his face. The way that Bill and Verity had welcomed Mary, and him for that matter, into their lives still amazed him. Whilst he and Fliss had only been officially together four weeks or so now, they’d opened their doors to him the day they had met pretty much back in August and he was eternally grateful. Mary got a sense of family, something he had wanted her to have all her life. It had even been brought up at the Court Hearing earlier that week where the paperwork had been signed awarding him legal guardianship status, the woman from the Child services department commenting in the court room that Mary had been gushing about Bill, Verity and Fliss, and seemed extremely settled.

Frank was simply relieved all of it was more or less over.

The last two weeks had been stressful as Greg had been handling the main discussions with the state for him and when they’d sat down one night to go over the notes for the settlement they had proposed, Greg told Frank that 2 major conditions would be set. Firstly that he found a home to allow Mary a room of her own and secondly that she was given access to a higher, more challenging form of education. After a bit of discussion with Mary, who had insisted she didn’t want to go to a posh school, Greg had done a little research into previous cases and come up with a suggestion that Child Services agreed with. They would provide a scholarship grant that would allow Mary to attend a number of University classes a few days a week and then her normal school the rest. It was a middle ground, giving Mary the mental stimulation she needed but also allowing her to be a normal kid. It was agreed she would return to normal school when term started in January and the arrangements would be made with the University to start there when their term picked up the middle of the same month. Frank had insisted that she wouldn’t be taking any exams or anything like that, just doing the work, keeping herself occupied. The judge had accepted the proposal, giving Frank 6 months to find alternative living arrangements, and had then awarded the Guardianship temporarily with the instruction it be awarded permanently upon a review in 6 months. So whilst not 100% complete, it was almost there, and Frank knew that as long as he did what they said, there would be no problem. The other good thing was nothing had legally been awarded to Evelyn, after she had remained completely absent from the proceedings. Which meant that if she did reach out, Frank would have total control over where and how often contact took place. Which suited him fine as he could ensure it was on Mary’s terms completely.

“Hey…you ok?” Fliss asked, rubbing his arm. He jerked round, realising he had been completely elsewhere and gave her a smile.

“Yeah, sorry, was just thinking.”

“Did it hurt?” Mary asked and Frank shot her a look as Fliss and Bill laughed as Mary left with the drink she had come in to the kitchen for.

Frank followed her into the living room as she perched on the large sofa next to Verity, the pair of them looking at something on the laptop.

“Behave.” Frank looked at Mary. “Go to bed when V and Bill tell you, no back chat or arguing…”

She saluted him and V looked up smiling. “Stop fussing Frank, she’s never any trouble.”

Frank nodded and then headed out to Bill’s Range Rover catching Fliss up.

“You do realise she’s gonna be up until midnight, pigging out on junk and watching movies right?” Fliss said as he reached her side, looping an arm round her waist.

“Yup.” Frank said “But she’s staying over there and not in the Annex, which means she’ll wake them up at stupid AM in the morning after no sleep and not us so I don’t much care…”

A little while later Frank guided her into Bongos Beach Bar and over to a booth at the far side. Fliss smiled as she recognised Greg, and Frank introduced her to his wife Zara, then his friend Jake and his fiancée Lisa. Finally she smiled at Simon who then excused himself heading off to meet his date at the door.

“Date?” Frank raised an eyebrow

“Yeah he’s been seeing her for about three weeks.” Zara supplied “He invited her tonight…”

“Huh, must be serious.” Frank mused and Jake looked at him.

“Could say the same about you.” He teased and Frank shoved him on the shoulder.

“Prick.”

Jake laughed and then raised his hand “They’re here now.”

Frank turned to see Simon making his way over towards them with a familiar brunette in tow.

Oh for fucks sake…

“Bonnie…” Fliss smiled at her as the woman stilled when she saw her and Frank.  

“You know each other?” Simon asked, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, errr…” Frank began, wondering how the hell he was going to get out of this when Fliss spoke up.

“Bonnie is, was, still is I suppose, Mary’s teacher.”

Bonnie shot her a grateful look and Fliss simply smiled as Simon made a noise of comprehension.

"I should have twigged!” Simon smiled, as they all took a seat at the booth. Zara handed out a few glasses of prosecco from the bottle that sat on the table to Bonnie and Fliss who both thanked her, the men grabbing a beer from the bucket.

“Thank you.” Frank whispered into Fliss’ ear as she turned to look at him. “I didn’t know he was seeing her, or that she was gonna be here, I promise…”

Fliss frowned and shrugged “It’s fine.” she said, almost as if she was puzzled as to why he was apologising. The confusion on his face must have shown as she smiled and lay her hand on his knee. “Frank, I don’t have a problem with Bonnie. I still think it was a stupid thing to do but…” she shrugged.

He smiled at her and dropped a kiss to her cheek. “You’re fucking amazing you know that?”

“Yep…” she popped the p, grinning at him as she took a drink from her champagne glass.

Fliss kept up with the conversation, but she soon realised that as nice as they were, Zara and Lisa were just not her type of people. With both their husbands having well paid jobs, as a lawyer and a bank manager, both were stay at home mums with a lot of money to spend and time on their hands. Plus they clearly spent a lot of time together so a lot of the chatter they made between themselves, leaving Fliss to simply listen.

At one point she glanced at Bonnie who was sat, nervously twisting her fingers together before she excused herself and headed over to the bathroom. Fliss gave it a few seconds before she too did the same, Frank moving so she could squeeze past him, hands falling to her hips as she went.

“Hey…” Fliss looked at Bonnie who was stood leaning on a sink. “You ok?”

“Yeah, I err, well, I don’t know about you but I feel a little out of place. I mean they’re nice enough but…“

"Kinda feels like we’re outsiders.” Fliss nodded finishing the sentence for her.

Bonnie snorted “I feel like they’re judging me a little. Like I’m a teacher…who has to work, and it’s not a great job…”

“Dude, I shovel shit for a living and Frank’s a grease monkey.” Fliss shot causing Bonnie to snort. “It’s not that at all, they’re just friends and we’re…well…”

 “Strangers…” Bonnie nodded.

“Exactly.” Fliss shrugged “Trust me, I’ve done the whole awkward social circle thing before, this…well, this is actually kinda nice in comparison. I met some real ass hats when I was with my ex. These guys are ok”

Bonnie smiled and then she grinned cheekily "Wanna go do tequila?”

“Fuck, yes.” Fliss nodded and they left the bathroom giggling, heading straight to the bar. Bonnie placed her order and slid a note over the bar as they both settled on a stool. Fliss glanced round to the booth where Frank was sat talking to the rest of his friends before she turned back to Bonnie who slid her a shot over. Without a word they both had their salt, downed the shot, then bit into the lemon, both grimacing and laughing as Fliss ordered another two and asked Bonnie what long drink she wanted. Turns out she was also a gin and tonic woman.

“I’m glad you and Frank ended up together.” Bonnie smiled at her. “It’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Fliss grinned. “Kinda crept up on me a little, you know? I wasn’t looking for anything but...”

“I’m glad me and him didn’t ruin it.” Bonnie said gently “That entire night was a huge mistake…I could tell the day after he regretted it.”

Fliss shrugged “Well we all do dumb shit.”

“Say that again.” Bonnie mumbled as their second shots arrived along with their gin.

“You know when he told me he’d told you it was a mistake I went mad at him.” Fliss snorted “I mean, talk about a shitty thing to say.”

“Oh that’s not the half of it, he-…” Bonnie trailed off and shook her head as she took a drink of her gin. “Forget it, doesn’t matter.”

“What?” Fliss pressed.

“Nope.” Bonnie shook her head firmly.

“You can’t just say that and not tell me!“ Fliss whined as Bonnie downed her shot, before she sighed

“He called me by your name, twice.”

Fliss choked on her gin, her eyes wide “What, when you…”

Bonnie nodded.

“Ok, so I feel like I should be apologising…” Fliss snorted, “Not sure what for but…” Bonnie chuckled as Fliss shook her head and continued “How did you not rip his cock off…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very glad you didn’t but…”

Bonnie laughed loudly as Fliss sprinkled more salt onto her hand “It’s not a big deal, he was mortified when I told him.”

“So he should be…” Fliss shook her head, as she picked up her tequila.

She turned to look at Frank who was now looking round the bar, questioningly. He spotted her at the bar and raised an eyebrow and she met him with a look of her own. “I’m dating an ass hole.” she said, turning back to Bonnie “He’s cute though.”

There was a pause before they both laughed, and Bonnie gestured to the empty glasses. Fliss shrugged and Bonnie, with a grin, ordered another 2 shots.

****

 “So, how’s the new job Frank?” Simon looked at him and Frank smiled, taking a pull from his bottle.

“I don’t start until January.” he swallowed his drink, “But yeah, looking forward to it. Full time wage, benefits…what’s not to like?”

“And a boss.” Greg said, and Frank laughed.

“Well, be kinda nice not to have to think about where the next job is coming from.” he shrugged, “I still get to do what I enjoy but less stress…”

Greg, Simon and Jake all exchanged a look which Frank didn’t miss. He gave a sigh. “What?”

“Nothing…”  Jake smirked “Just watching you finally growing up is bringing a tear to my eye. I mean, you brought a girl to our Christmas gathering, the first one ever…in the history of the Circle of Truth holding Christmas gatherings…”

“Yeah, I imagine this is what it’s like waving your kid off to university.” Simon nodded.

Frank raised his middle finger at them all, causing them to laugh.

“We’re only joking.” Simon winked at him. “In all seriousness, it’s nice to see.”

Frank shook his head “You make it sounds like I’m some kind of utter disaster case…”

They all paused and once again looked at each other. “Oh fuck you.” Frank snorted as they all laughed again.

Anyone seen the ladies?” Greg looiked around suddenly.

“Oh, I think Zara and Lisa are on the dance floor…” Jake nodded.

 Frank glanced round the bar, looking and saw that indeed they were but there was no sign of Fliss. Or Bonnie for that matter. Fliss had gone to the bathroom a while back but surely it couldn’t be that long to pee, even if you were a girl.

“Oh, looks like our girls are getting on…” Simon jerked his head to the bar. Frank turned in his seat and glanced over and saw Fliss laugh at something Bonnie said, before she licked a line of salt off her hand, downed the shot, and bit into the lemon. He couldn’t decide if he was relieved or a little weirded out at how cool Fliss was around the woman he’d almost ruined his chances with her over, but as he watched her cutting loose, talking to Bonnie, the two women locked in a very friendly exchange he felt his chest warm. Fliss had openly admitted to him not long back she was a little lonely, her own friends being in England and the ones she had in Boston, well, they’d not really been her friends, more his. He supposed it was nice to see her with someone like that, even if it as one of his one night conquests. As he watched Fliss spluttered on her drink and looked at Bonnie, another exchange was had before Fliss picked up her next tequila and looked at him. He raised a questioning eyebrow but all she did was smirk and turn back to Bonnie. With a slight shrug he turned to Simon.

“Wanna join em?”

Simon nodded “Yeah, why not.

They excused themselves from the booth and headed over. Fliss smiled as Frank slid an arm round her waist and dropped a kiss to her neck, before Simon grinned and nodded as he added another 2 tequilas to their order.

Several more shots and gins later Fliss was drunk. So was Frank. Which was the reason the two of them had ended up on the outside beach dancefloor, dancing to some random Christmas shit. It was also the reason Frank’s denim button down was now un-done revealing his white sleeveless which he had on underneath, giving Fliss a perfect view of that collar bone tattoo she loved so much. It hadn’t surprised her in the slightest when he had explained where the words were from, being a man of philosophy and all that. She also loved the reason behind his Taurus tattoo, it being Mary’s zodiac sign. Basically her sailor underneath all his bravado was a huge sentimental sap. A huge, sentimental sap whose hands were once again now cupping her ass as they swayed together to the music. Fliss had long given up reaching around to restore them to the bottom of her back and simply smirked to herself slightly as she looked round the dancefloor and out across the dark ocean

“Still not right.” she murmured.

“What?”

“This…” she made an elaborate gesture with her arm and hit a guy next to her. “Whoops…sorry.” she grimaced as Frank snorted, the guy simply shrugged and carried on his way. “I mean…no snow at Christmas…”

“Yeah but, you’re outside, on a Christmas dancefloor, on the beach” he shrugged “I mean it’s kinda cool…”

“Suppose…” she shrugged, and then she paused, and Frank watched as a gorgeous grin spread across her face whilst she cocked her head to the music. It had just morphed into Fairy Tale of New York and she let out a whoop “I fucking love this one!”

There was a loud cheer from someone and suddenly the two of them were squashed together as Simon and Bonnie appeared, followed by the rest of the group and they found themselves in a circle,  arms tangled around shoulders, the girls singing the girls part and the boys singing the boys part. At one point someone dressed as Santa muscled into the middle of the group, simply giving a loud cheer before he exited and moved elsewhere, causing Fliss to snort hysterically, hanging onto Frank’s arm as she did. As the song ended, everyone belting out the last line the group descended into giggles and Frank just watched his girl. Her cheeks were flushed, hair was slightly frizzier now thanks to the humid outdoor air and she was absolutely the wrong side of wasted but god did he love that woman.

Oh.

He loved her.

Frank Adler, one time self-proclaimed bachelor, king of the Friday night fucks was in love. When did that happen?

As he watched her lean in and say something to Greg who burst out laughing he realised he couldn’t pin point it. It had crept up on him, like a slow burn, a deep fire in the very core of his belly. And damned did that fire feel hot.

Frank reached for his girl and pulled her away from Greg. She stumbled slightly into his arms and she looked up at him, giggling a little and he cut her off with a deep kiss. And before he could stop himself, he blurted it out, right there in the middle of a temporary beach dancefloor

“I love you.”

 If anyone else in the group had heard they were tactful enough to all turn away, pretending not to, but there’s no way they could have missed Fliss when she pulled back, a look of shock on her face which morphed into a grin and she pointed at Frank

“Youuuu loooooveeee meeee!” she sang and Frank felt himself blush.

“Yeah, do you hafta announce it to the entire of South Pass?” his Boston accent dripped off his tongue.

“Youuuu loooooooveeee meeee!” she said again and he groaned, pulling her closer. She leaned up so she could whisper into his ear, and damned the touch of her lips against his ear aroused him far more than was appropriate for the middle of a public dance floor.

“Wanna know a secret Sailor?” she asked. He turned his head to look at her and she smirked at him “I love you too.”

Well fuck.

Despite the fact they were both trashed, they both knew this wasn’t just a heat of the moment thing. Both felt it, both knew that whatever it was they had was different, special, a part of them now and Frank felt himself mimicking the stupid smile on her face. He leaned down to kiss her again, and her hands tangled into his hair, the feel of her delicate nails on his scalp sent hot pokers to his belly and his already half growing arousal was, well, aroused even more.

“And that’s even though you’re an asshole who calls someone else’s name during sex.” she pulled away. With a groan Frank hung his head as her arms linked around his neck, his hands locking behind her back.

“You know about that?” He asked with a little hiccup. “She told you?”

“Yup.” Fliss narrowed her eyes “And FYI you do that to me I’ll cut your balls off and feed them to Thor.”

“Harsh but fair.” Frank conceded after a short pause.  She grinned and leaned up to kiss him again before she pulled away.

“Can we go now ‘cause I’m kinda horny.”

Ok, so Drunk Fliss was another Fliss to add to his list of favourite Flisses. Along with Sassy, shy, stern, sleepy, just fucked, just woken up…basically all the Flisses

“Nope.” He teased “I’m good here.”

“Really?” She asked, pressing closer to him, tilting a little and he grunted as her hip bone pressed into his groin “Sure about that?”

“Yup.” He managed to squeak out.

“That must be a spanner in your pocket then. Or a screwdriver, or some other form of pointy tool…” She was hardly able to finish the sentence she was laughing that much.

“Yeah, those…damned pointy tools…” He shook his head as he leaned down to kiss her. It was sloppy, open mouthed, full of tongue and absolutely filthy and left the pair of them in a bit of a daze. Frank pulled away and looked around, taking a deep breath “Ok, we can go now.”

Somehow they made it home in one piece. It took Fliss three attempts to get the key in the lock, the pair of them giggling like a couple of school kids, before she finally managed it and Frank leaned over and pushed the door open. Fliss stumbled slightly and Frank caught her, laughing.

“Shhh” He said.

“What for?” She asked, kicking off her shoes.

He paused for a moment and then shrugged “Actually I don’t know…”

“Idiot…” She sniggered, pushing his undone shirt down his arms before pulling at the bottom of his sleeveless underneath. He moved so she could pull it over his head and as her fingers started to undo the button at the top of his jeans he reached round and gently found the zipper on her jumpsuit, sliding it down, his fingers gently skimming her back as they backed to the couch. Fliss fell over the arm with a thud, Frank following, before the momentum tripped him and he rolled onto the floor, pulling her with him, landing with a thud on his back. She fell on top of him, her elbow catching him in the ribs and he gave a loud huff, before she laughed and leaned over kissing him. His hands tangled into her hair, keeping her head angled perfectly, the kiss searing, leaving them breathless. Fliss pulled back and he brushed her hair back with both his hands, smiling softly at her.

“I meant what I said you know.” He looked at her

“Remind me again what that was.” She teased.

“I…” he leaned up and pecked her lips “love…” another peck “you.”

“Tell me when you’re sober.” she sassed back and gave a squeal as he whipped her over so she was on her back on the rug by the coffee table, framed between his strong arms and legs.

“In vino veritas.” He quipped and she propped herself up on her elbows, the front of her jumpsuit fell forward slightly and Frank blatantly stole a look down it at her lacy strapless bra, giving a groan.

 “Yeah, and in vino a load of non-sensitas too…” She grinned and he gave a snort, as he dipped his head.

“Shut up.” he mumbled, his lips pressing onto hers again.

 *****

 Frank groaned, blinking against the light that was streaming in through the crack in the curtains. Jesus Christ his head hurt. Rolling over he was met with a face full of hair and he blew it out of the way, smoothing down Fliss’s wild locks which were splayed all over the pillow. Gently sliding an arm under her neck he dropped the other one round her bare waist and pulled her into him, her back pressing to his chest as he snuggled close, screwing his eyes closed against the painful daylight.

“What year is it?” Fliss groaned and Frank chuckled slightly.

“Feeling rough, baby?”

“Rough?” She croaked “I feel like I have a smurf in my head with a pick axe. This is all your fault.”

“My fault?“

“Yes you let me drink tequila with Bonnie.”

“Ok, first off I didn’t know you were doing that until I saw you at the bar…”

“Yeah, and then you and Simon joined in…

“…and second off, you’re a grown ass woman. You make your own decisions.”

She groaned again and then stilled “Fuck, we had sex last night…”

“Wow.” Frank laughed. “Way to ruin my pride, Sweetheart…”

“No I mean…” she shuffled onto her back and looked at him. “Did we…use…“

Franks eyes went wide. "Oh, erm…”

No, no they hadn’t… fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I mean, come on, surely, we’ll be fine right?” he asked, “I mean, one time…what are the chances of…”

“No, it’s not that I’m worried about.” she shook her head “I’m on the pill…I just..” she trailed of

Frank propped himself up on his elbow as he cottoned on to what she was saying “Are you being serious?” he snorted.

“Well I don’t know where you’ve been!” she shrugged indignantly “well, ok, maybe I know some of where you’ve been, but…”

Frank snorted and shook his head “What do you take me for?”

“An ex ho?” she shot back immediately.

He fell onto his back laughing “If you must know I’ve never had unprotected sex with a one night stand in my life. And the other week I went and got tested, just for you. And I’m clean so…”

“That’s so romantic. ” she grinned at him.

“Well I try.” he raised an eyebrow.

“Still love me?” she quipped and he turned his head to look at her.

“Fraid so.”

“Too bad.” she teased, shuffling over to him “Coz that means you’re stuck with me…”

“Oh no…” he said sarcastically as he turned onto his side, glancing down at her bare breasts “How will I ever cope?”

“Sure you’ll think of a way.” she arched an eyebrow before she suddenly went green. “Oh shit…” she mumbled, before she shot out of the bed and into the bathroom.

Frank listened to her barfing and snorted a laugh before he swung himself out of bed, glad to find his boxers on the floor by his feet. Although where the rest of his clothes where he had no idea. He knocked on the bathroom door.

“You ok?”

He heard the toilet flush and she emerged, wrapped in a robe and looked at him. “I’m never drinking tequila again. Ever.”

Frank had to hand it to his girl, despite her raging hangover she still managed to teach four classes of kids that day, and made it through to nine that evening before she completely crashed on the sofa, falling asleep as the three of them sat in the apartment living room watching The Grinch, Mary’s choice. As the film finished at little after ten, Mary, who was lounging on Frank’s lap looked over to where Fliss lay, her head resting on the other arm of the couch, her feet nestled under his thigh, and nudged Frank.

“I know.” He smiled softly “Leave her be.”

Mary grinned and reached up to run her hand through his beard “you love Fliss.”

He looked at her for a second, eyebrow raised “What makes you say that?”

 “Roberta.” she shrugged.

Frank snorted. “Well, she’s not wrong.”

“Did you tell her yet?” Mary looked at him.

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

“That she loves me too.”

Mary grinned “Lissy and Frank, sitting in a tree…”

He rolled his eyes as she chanted off the rest of the ridiculous rhyme and then looked at her. “You finished?”

“Yup.”

“Good, bed time.”

“Awww Frank….”

“No arguments. Bill told me what time you stayed up till last night.”

“Grass.” she narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah, you better believe it. Go on, wash your face, clean your teeth.”

“Shower?”

“Quit stalling Stack you had one when you got back from the stables…”

With a groan she pushed herself off his knee and he stood up as she headed into the bathroom. He pulled a fresh pair of pyjamas out of the clean pile of laundry he needed to sort that was on the chair at the back of the room and lay them on his bed before he moved over and knelt down by Fliss’ head.

“Honey,” he said gently, pushing her hair back off her face, “Lissy…“

She made a noise as she wrinkled her nose, and he smiled as she blinked and looked at him.

“Oh, shit. Sorry…” she yawned as she realised she’d fallen asleep. “What time is it?“

“Not too late.” He smiled “Just about to put Mary to bed. You staying here or…”

“Yeah if that’s okay?”

“Course it is.” he smiled and dropped a kiss to her lips before she sat up running her hand through her hair as she blinked, yawning again.

“Fuck I’m so tired.” She stood up, stretched and then smiled as Mary came back into the room. The girl shot Frank a filthy look and stalked past him into his room. “Ok, wow…”

“She doesn’t want to go to bed.” he shrugged, “moody little madam.”

Fliss laughed as she headed into the bathroom. Frank sat down on the sofa and a little while later, Mary emerged and shot straight for her bed.

“Can I at least read?” she looked at him.

“Ten minutes, tops, whilst I do the dishes…”

She grinned and he turned off the TV and headed into the kitchen, clearing away the remains of their takeaway, stowing the left overs in the fridge for lunch the day after.

In the bathroom Fliss was busy groaning to herself as she realised she’d come on. She knew she was due, but still, this was a pain in the ass. Sorting herself out, she washed her hands and walked into the kitchen. Frank looked up and raised his eyebrow, misinterpreting the look on her face.

“You been sick again?” he asked.

“No… ” She shook her head as she bit her lip. “Look, Frankie, I think I’m go home…”

“Why?” He frowned.

“I errr…” She flushed “I forgot…I…” she trailed off and his frown deepened as her hand moved instinctively to her stomach before a look of realisation crossed his features.

“Oh…” He nodded. “Well, ok, if you’re more comfortable going home then that’s up to you.” He dropped a kiss to her head and she looked at him, confusion flooding her brain.

“You don’t want me to go?”

“Why would I want you to go?” he frowned.

“Because…” she looked at him, unable to voice what she was getting at. Another memory flooded her mind, one of John screaming at her for the sheets being marked, she was jerked back to the here and now as Frank closed the distance between them, tipping her head up to look at him.

“Lissy, talk to me…”

“Sorry, I err…” she rubbed at her head “He used to make me sleep in a separate room.”

“Are you for real?” Frank blurted out, and she could see the anger flooding his system. “Seriously?”

She visibly recoiled a little at his tone and Frank cursed himself as she looked at him, eyes wide as she began to apologise.

 “Hey.” He said gently, reaching out to her. “Stop. You’ve nothing to be sorry for I shouldn’t have shouted I just….” He took a deep breath.

“That’s fucked up.”

She looked back up at him, her eyes now had a fierce spark. “You think that’s fucked up? When he was trying to get me pregnant, every month he’d stop me taking pain killers when I came on. Told me it was my own fault for not managing to conceive.”

“Jesus Liss…” Frank shook his head, as she shrugged, her head turning to the side. “Baby…”

“Don’t” she shrugged “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

“Ok.” he nodded. “Look. If you wanna stay then it’s up to you. Whatever you wanna do.”

“I do.” She nodded, smiling softly.

“Good.” He dropped a kiss to her forehead before he moved away from her and reached over, filling the kettle.

“What are you doing?” She asked from behind him.

“Making you a tea.” He shrugged “Used to help Diane…”

“Thanks…” she smiled after a short pause.

“You got everything you need or you need to go the store?”

“I’m good. Ex Girl Scout, always prepared…”

Frank gave a laugh.

“Think I might take another shower though, if that’s…”

“You don’t need to ask.” He looked at her. “You’re my girlfried. I want you to feel like you’re at home when you’re here.”

At that she gave him a soft smile as she moved over and wrapped her arms round his waist, nuzzling into his chest. He gently rubbed at her back, before she leaned up, kissed him and headed out. The kettle boiled and he leaned on the side, dropping his head slightly. What kind of fucked up asshole did that to his own wife? To a wife he was supposed to love and protect no less. It broke his heart to think anyone could be so callous, so mentally and physically abusive to someone so soft, so gentle, so damned amazing….he looked up as he saw her making her way into the bathroom, bag in hand and she smiled at him, shutting the door.

Once he’d made them both a hot drink and grabbed the Advil, he made his way through to his room, placing one mug on the bedside table on the side he slept on and then another on the sill behind Fliss’ side and leaned on the doorframe, looking at Mary. She was still reading.

“Please just the end of this chapter.” she held up the Harry Potter book. Frank took a deep breath, then decided fuck it. She’d fall asleep at some point, there was no school.

“Lights off after that. I’ll be out to check.” he instructed as he dropped a kiss to her head. “Night Stack.”

“Night Frank.”

Back in his room he stripped off, tossing his t-shirt into the hamper before folding his jeans and dropping them on his dresser. He settled on the bed, stretching his legs out as he kicked the duvet down and flicked on the small TV, flipping through the channels looking for something to watch. Grinning when he found an episode of Family Guy, he turned the volume down low and had been watching for about five minutes when he heard Fliss talking to Mary who mentioned something about the book before he heard her bid her good night, and as Fliss opened the door he saw Mary’s light flip off.

He smiled at his girl who had her hair pulled back in a braid and was dressed in a pair of bed shorts and a tight camisole type top, her shoulders bare, long legs stretched as she dropped onto the bed besides him.

“You okay?” he asked, dropping a kiss to her shoulder as she reached round for the drink. She paused as she saw the Advil and then picked it up, smiling at him as she turned to face him.

“Yeah.” she assured him as he kissed the bridge of her nose. She tossed down two pain killers and sipped her drink, her legs bent in front of her as they sat in a comfortable silence, watching the TV, both laughing softly at the show. Eventually she placed the mug down and snuggled closer to him. He reached down for the duvet and pulled it up round their legs as her head lay on his chest, his arm falling round her, fingers lightly brushing down the back of her neck, shoulder and then up again. It was an action he knew she found comforting, and he was proven right as little over fifteen minutes later he looked down to find her fast asleep.

With a soft smile he turned off the TV and gently moved her so that they were both lay flat and she gave a soft hum of contentment and snuggled into him closer. With a yawn he pressed a kiss to her head and closed his eyes.

The rest of the two weeks remaining to Christmas was spent in a whirl of tree-decorating, paper-chain making, shopping and eating more crap than Fliss had thought humanly possible. Steve and his wife Sian arrived on the 22nd and Verity cooked a huge family dinner where Mary was introduced to their twin boys. Frank watched her with interest, they were both her age and he was pleasantly surprised to see she actually seemed to mingle with them quite well. Steve was also noticeably warmer towards him too, which was a relief, and Frank was more than happy to take him out for a beer with Bill one evening whilst the women stayed at home and wrapped presents whilst drinking copious amounts of champagne. A Gallagher tradition Frank was informed, a tradition he eagerly told Bill he could fully get on board with, especially when Fliss had offered to wrap Mary’s presents as well.

 By the time Christmas Eve rolled round Frank noticed that Fliss was ridiculously excited and was happy to admit it was because she was looking forward to spending it with him and her family. When Verity had invited him to join them for Christmas dinner he’d been reticent to accept at first, not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t want to put her out. When she’d told him she’d be more offended if he refused he’d relented and made the mistake of telling Mary who hadn’t let the subject drop for the last two weeks. Fliss joined them in their traditional Christmas Eve celebration with Roberta, where they exchanged gifts, Roberta made up with the chunky silver bangle Fliss had spotted in a shop and the photo frame which Mary had made one evening with Bill by glue-gunning sea shells onto a plain wooden one she had gotten from Target. Once they were done, they packed Fliss’ jeep up and headed off to the annex. After watching “Elf” in the cinema room with the rest of the family,  wearing her new Christmas Pyjamas (another Gallagher tradition that all the kids in the family got new ones to sleep in on Christmas Eve)  they three of them headed back over to the annex and Mary shot up to bed with no fuss at all, leaving Frank and Fliss to enjoy the rest of their evening which they spent making out like a pair of horny teenagers on the couch until they’d ended up fucking like a pair of horny teenagers on the couch too.

Christmas morning Fliss cracked open an eye and grinned as she sat up, listening to Mary who was calling from the spare room, before she started to sing We Wish You A Merry Christmas, which was punctuated by barks from Thor. Besides her Frank gave a groan and she nudged him.

“Wake up scrooge.”

“Fuck off.” he mumbled.

She laughed and nudged him again before she climbed out of bed, wearing his T-shirt and pulled a pair of denim shorts on “I reckon you got about two minutes before Mary barrels through the door…”

"Fucking Christmas…” Frank scoffed, but Fliss caught the smile on his face as he swung his legs out of bed and stretched, the muscles on his back rippling as he did so. Standing up Fliss watched as he moved, his ass looking pretty damned fine in his boxers as he headed to the bathroom, banging on the spare room door as he did. Fliss heard it fly open and a few minutes later Mary came shooting into her room and bounced on the bed, a half-eaten chocolate Santa in her hand which she had unwrapped from her Stocking. Thor followed, taking up position on the foot of the bed and Fliss hugged Mary, grinning. She loved Christmas, she always had done as a kid. Granted, it hadn’t always been fun with he-who-shall-not-be-named, but the last two since leaving him she’d gotten that childish excitement back, and today was no exception.

“So, I just stand here do I?” Frank asked as he leaned on the doorway, gesturing to the now full bed. Fliss grinned at him and shrugged.

“We’re not staying here.” Mary looked at him “We got presents to open downstairs…”

“Hmmm not sure we do.” Frank teased as he pulled a shirt from his bag in the corner of the room “I mean, does Santa know you’re here and not at the apartment?”

Mary rolled her eyes “I haven’t believed in Santa since I was five, Frank.”

“What?” Fliss looked horrified “I still believe and I’m like thirty three!” Mary gave her a scathing look. Fliss shrugged. “What can I say, I believe in Christmas magic”

“I did…” Mary shrugged “Until he didn’t bring me a puppy.”

“He doesn’t do live animals.” Fliss reasoned.

“Or a piano.”

“Too big to fit on the sleigh.”

“Or an algebra book I wanted.”

“Yeah, why the hell would he bring you maths books?” Fliss snorted “That’s school work.”

“I like it. "she shrugged, before she shoved the rest of her chocolate in her mouth and jumped up, bouncing on the bed. "Come on! Get up!”

Thor looked up giving a huff as Frank told her to stop bouncing. She flopped down and looked at him, folding her arms and Fliss laughed.

“Ok, let’s go!”

The two of them raced down the stairs, Frank following as Mary burst into the living room to see her presents piled by the sofa, and her eyes immediately went to the large wooden box which wasn’t wrapped that had her name painted on the side, and a large painted white pony on the top, resembling Monty. She moved to it and opened it, giving a squeal as she began to pull out the various grooming products that Fliss had bought her to make her own little pony box.  As Mary began to hastily rip the wrapping paper off the rest of the pile of gifts, Frank moved to the tree and pulled out two boxes. One large, one small.

“Merry Christmas baby girl.” he said, dropping a kiss to Fliss mouth. She grinned and sat down on the couch, opening the little box first. Inside was a silver necklace a pendant in the shape of a Daisy which Fliss beamed at.

“I love daisies!” she smiled at him “They remind me of home.”

“I know.” he smiled as she looked at it again before she moved to the next box. This was the one Frank was excited about. They’d cost him a small fortune but, turns out when you don’t spend every Friday night in Ferg’s you actually saved a fair bit of dough. Who knew?

“Oh my God…” she whispered as she cleared the paper away from the contents and glanced down at the tan Cowboy boots. She took a deep breath as she picked one out of the box to examine the detailing on the leather before her eyes widened as she saw her name ‘Lissy’ stitched on the top.

“Do you like them?” he asked softly, although he could tell from her reaction that was a stupid question.

“Frankie…” she looked at him with tears in her eyes, God this man really did listen to every damned word she said.  “I can’t…” she leaned over and gave him a kiss. “Thank you…”

He smiled as she slipped them on and stood up, giving Mary a twirl. There was something about her wearing them along with denim shorts that Frank wasn’t ashamed to admit he found a little arousing.

Frank laughed when he got his presents from Fliss, a new Paul Smith shirt, a Red Sox Cap and a new Samsung Smartphone as she informed him his Nokia had gone out of fashion in 2009. Which was before Mary was born, she pointed out. But it was the gifts they both got from Mary that surprised and reduced them to tears of laughter.

Fliss held up the cowboy hat, grinning from ear to ear as she slipped it on whilst Frank held the white Navy Captain’s hat up and shook his head. “Where on Earth did you get these?” he asked, laughing.

“Bill helped me.” Mary shrugged, looking up from where she was now jamming a pink Ariat baseball cap which she had just unwrapped on her head.

“Remind me to thank him later!” Frank rolled his eyes as Fliss snatched the hat from him and stuck it on his head.

“Mary, get in…” she patted Frank’s knee and Mary hopped up, as Fliss held her phone away from them, snapping a selfie of the three of them. Frank watched her as she smiled, inspecting it and he had to admit it was a pretty good snap. All of them were smiling, all wearing some form of head gear, and for the first time in as long time he realised he was enjoying Christmas morning because HE was having a good time, not just Mary. To him it normally meant a fuck load of expense and the fact another year was rapidly drawing to a close. But he was more than happy to draw a close on 2017. Not simply to shut the door on a mentally draining court fight, but also because he was looking forward to the future. He was starting a new job, would be in the market for a new home and moving through all of those changes with his girl by his side excited him instead of filling him with dread.

As Mary slid off his knee to examine another present he turned to Fliss who grinned, knocking his hat off his head.

“Merry Christmas cowgirl.” he grinned,

She smiled, leaning over to kiss him “Merry Christmas Sailor!”

**** One Shot- Whamaggeddon Chapter 13

[nicos-oc-hell]

In my head canon, Rowan goes crazy during Valentine’s Day, hence the boys (Roman, Dimitri, Barnaby, Charlie and Bill) get dressed up with her, this is set in year three

Dimitri looked over at Rowan who was sitting on his chest “How did you even get in here?” Rowan shrugged her shoulders and just stared at him “Can you get off of my chest, you little Koala?”

Rowan shook her head “So…it’s Valentine’s Day…whatcha doing today?”

“Leave.Me.ALONE! It’s 4 in the goddamn morning!” Dimitri pushes her off of his chest and turned around

“It’s actually 3am but that’s besides the point, if you answer these questions I’ll leave you alone?” Rowan struggles to turn him over then settled back on his chest

“That doesn’t make it any better! Just ask your damn questions then leave me alone!” Dimitri grabbed his glasses and turned back to see Rowan holding a notebook and pen “Oh no”

“Oh yes” Rowan has a cheeky smile on her face “First question, who are you spending Valentine’s Day with?”

“Probably Barnaby, Charlie, Roman, Bill and You”

“Good answer” Rowan continued to write in her notebook

Dimitri glared at her “This is honestly stupid”

“Yeah, yeah, anyway, second question, cookies or brownies?” Rowan looked up and noticed Dimitri glaring at her “Just answer the questions, Dimmy”

“Brownies and you aren’t getting any for disturbing me at THREE IN THE MORNING!” He huffed

“I’ll find a way to get some, Dimmy, flowers or no flowers?” She continued writing in the notebook

“The hell are you writing? And no I don’t do flowers, you know this” He tried to take a peek at the notes but She pulled the notebook away from him

“None of your business, now, what are you making for dinner? It’s your turn” Rowan said smiling sweetly at him

“We are going to a restaurant” He said falling back on his pillow

“Dessert?”

Dimitri opened his eyes “…you ain’t getting no dessert miss I wanna wake someone up from their sleep at 3 in the morning”

Rowan glared at him and climbed off his chest “That was all I needed, I’ll see you at breakfast and I will get some dessert mister” She turned and walked out of the dorm

Barnaby laughed from where he was on the other side of the room “Your whipped by her, you know that right?”

“I’m well aware of that fact” Dimitri went back to sleep

4 hours later

Dimitri pulled the outfit on that Rowan had laid out on his bed “And now she’s dressing me up!”

Barnaby looked over at him “Seriously, this woman is going to be the death of us! Look at me!”

Roman walked in and looked them up and down “Oh she got y’all too? Damn that woman is crazy when it’s Valentine’s Day, well let’s go down stairs before she busts up the stairs and drags us down”

Rowan looked up “Finally! It doesn’t take that long to get dressed” (This was supposed to be Skylar but I remembered she lives in Japan during the school year)

Dimitri muttered underneath his breath “It also doesn’t take that long to become a psychopath also apparently”

“What did you say Dimitri?”

“Nothing ma’am”

“That’s what I thought, anyway let’s get to breakfast, I wanna see how Charlie and Bill looks”

Roman stopped and stared at the third year “You got them too?…HOW THE FUCK?! THIS LITTLE REBORN!”

They walked into the great hall and Charlie and Bill immediately walked over to them “How!”

Bill Charlie

“It’s honestly simple, I just waltzed through you windows” She said like it was a normal occurrence

“You are creepy when it’s Valentine’s Day”

“I know”

Bill sat down next to Dimitri “Get your friend in control”

“Nobody can control her when it’s Valentine’s Day and you know this, she woke me up at three just to discuss what I was doing today! She’s crazy!” He half whispered looking over at Rowan

“I know, pass the sausages please and let’s hope Dumbledore doesn’t comment on it like he usually does” Bill said taking the sausages from Dimitri “Spoke too soon here he is, just ignore him, just ignore him”

Dumbledore walked up to them “Nice outfits this year boys and Rowan like always”

“Thanks professor, we try to be dashing” Charlie and Roman flash the fakest smiles to ever be faked (…that sounds weird) “Rowan does have excellent taste tho professor”

“And expensive taste, remind me to never give her my wallet again, I mean it didn’t even make a dent but damn woman” Dimitri said

“Well have a great Valentine’s Day kids and do bring me some chocolate later today Dimitri” Dumbledore asked

Dimitri nodded his head “I’m making my rounds later today anyway”

Rowan plucked bacon off of Dimitri’s plate “So are we going to the cave or not?”

“Nope! Dimitri’s taking us to some restaurant in the muggle world” Barnaby said taking Dimitri’s pancakes

“Stop taking my food! I’m hungry too you know!” Dimitri said swatting Rowan hands which was getting ready to take more of his bacon “Just ask me to pass the bacon or pancakes!”

Later at the restaurant

“Ah Vongola Undicesimo, we were expecting you, please come take a seat and I’ll get a waiter over there with some menus” The receptionists said ushering them over to a table

“Exactly how rich are you?” Charlie asked looking around the restaurant

“Uh…idk, it’s very old money” Dimitri said pulling the chair out for Rowan “But we are the richest family in the world”

“Of course you are” Bill said “Did they say Vongola Undicesimo?”

“Yeah that’s my title, I’m the next in line to take over Vongola, since Kazumi up and disappeared” Dimitri said looking at the menu that a waiter just dropped off

“And of course we go to an expensive restaurant on Valentine’s Day” Roman said sarcastically

Bill and Charlie looked put out “Uh you didn’t have to do this Dimitri”

“Yes I did, now what do you want” He said placing his menu down “It’s honestly not that big of a deal guys! I’m spending Valentine’s Day with my famiglia/pack, it’s the least I could do”

The waiter had just arrived at the table “Have you guys had enough time to look over the menu? Or do you need more time?”

“Uh, I’ll take the kobe beef steak medium rare with a White Russian” Dimitri said

“I’ll take the Cheesesteak with Vieux Carré” Roman said not bothering paying attention to Charlie and Rowan who were gaping at them for ordering alcohol

“Just to be sure, you know those have alcohol in them right?” The waiter asked

“Yes” Roman and Dimitri said at the same time

“Ok, and you four? What do you want?” The waiter asked

“I’ll have the loaded nachos and lemonade” Barnaby said

“I’ll have what he” points to Roman “Is having except for the alcohol I’ll take a sweet iced tea” Rowan said

“I’ll have the loaded nachos also but with iced tea” Charlie said

“I’ll take the chicken parm and…White Russian” Bill said

“You sure you can hold your liquor?” Dimitri asked

Bill glared at him “Yes I’m sure, I’m friends with Roman”

“Ok if you say so” He handed the menus to the waiter “Trying to be a big boy I see”

“Shut up, Dimitri” Bill said leaning over and slapping the back of his head

“Ow! That’s mean” Dimitri said rubbing the back of his dramatically

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 12: I L Y

Chapter Summary: Its Christmas…and we reach the end of a stressful year for Frank…but as he looks back he realises, it ain’t all been that bad.

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Talks of SMUT but nothing major

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Yeah yeah I know it’s the wrong time of year but hell, we’re all on lock down so the days and months don’t actually exist anyway at the moment… so let’s pretend its CHRISTMAS!!!

As always I’m a ho for a REBLOG and COMMENT! This is the end of Part 1 of Riding High! Thank you all for sticking with me and loving FRISS ( yeah I went there, eat your heart out Kimye…) as much as I do! Part 2 will see us jump forwards few months into 2018 and I have BIG things planned for our duo

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my wing-woman @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for letting me bounce the ideas, proof reading and finding me appropriate photos of our man. You can thank her the picture in the top left corner here…yeah, it made me thirsty too

Chapter Song:  Fairytale of New York by the Pogues

Series Masterlist  Main Masterlist 

I kept them with me babe, and put them with my own. Can’t do it all alone, I built my dreams around you.

Frank looked up as Fliss walked into her parent’s kitchen and his mouth dropped open. She was dressed in a gorgeous long legged strapless jumpsuit along which the neckline was embellished with lace flowers which spread down the sheer sleeves. Her long hair was styled in loose curls and she’d done something to her make up that made her cheek bones stand out even more. Her eyelids were adorned with a deep green that shimmered and made her dark eyes pop and she had a clear gloss on her plump lips. Fuck, she looked stunning. But as he watched, he saw her face fall and she bit her lip.

“Is it…is it not ok?” she asked shyly “I can change…I mean…”

“Don’t you dare.” he said sternly, stepping forward, his hands falling to her hips “Honey, you look amazing.”

Her face lit up and she smiled at him, shyly “I wasn’t sure how posh to go or…” "Lissy…” he chuckled “Stop it.”

“Sorry.” she said, wrinkling her nose. She stepped back slightly and looked him up and down, taking in his dark jeans, boots and light denim button down. “You look pretty good too Sailor.” she smiled, running her hands up his chest to his shoulder and he noticed then she was also wearing her Pandora. He smiled back, his eyes also spotting that her neck was bare and then had the perfect idea for a final Christmas Gift he had been struggling to come up with. With a soft smile he leaned down, taking in that she was slightly taller than usual thanks to her heels and he pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth.

“Get a room…” Bill shot as he walked into the kitchen, Mary in tow.

“Bore off.” Fliss shot back, looking at her dad as he sent her a grin before he did a double take.

“Wow, you look cracking Titch.”

“Thanks” she smiled

“You ready to go?”

“Sure you don’t mind dropping us?” Frank turned to look at Bill “It’s no problem to get a cab.”

“Nonsense.” Bill smiled “I gotta pick up the Thai V has ordered anyway.”

“You’re getting Thai?” Frank raised an eyebrow and glanced at Mary “Funny that just so happens to be your favourite…”

She shrugged “Verity asked what I wanted for dinner.”

Frank sighed and looked at Bill “You spoil her.”

Bill shrugged “And?”

Frank rolled his eyes a soft smile playing on his face. The way that Bill and Verity had welcomed Mary, and him for that matter, into their lives still amazed him. Whilst he and Fliss had only been officially together four weeks or so now, they’d opened their doors to him the day they had met pretty much back in August and he was eternally grateful. Mary got a sense of family, something he had wanted her to have all her life. It had even been brought up at the Court Hearing earlier that week where the paperwork had been signed awarding him legal guardianship status, the woman from the Child services department commenting in the court room that Mary had been gushing about Bill, Verity and Fliss, and seemed extremely settled. Frank was simply relieved all of it was more or less over. The last 2 weeks had been stressful as Greg had been handling the main discussions with the state for him and when they’d sat down one night to go over the notes for the settlement they had proposed, Greg told Frank that 2 major conditions would be set. Firstly that he found a home to allow Mary a room of her own and secondly that she was given access to a higher, more challenging form of education. After a bit of discussion with Mary, who had insisted she didn’t want to go to a posh school, Greg had done a little research into previous cases and come up with a suggestion that Child Services agreed with. They would provide a scholarship grant that would allow Mary to attend a number of University classes a few days a week and then her normal school the rest. It was a middle ground, giving Mary the mental stimulation she needed but also allowing her to be a normal kid. It was agreed she would return to normal school when term started in January and the arrangements would be made with the University to start there when their term picked up the middle of the same month. Frank had insisted that she wouldn’t be taking any exams or anything like that, just doing the work, keeping herself occupied. The judge had accepted the proposal, giving Frank 6 months to find alternative living arrangements, and had then awarded the Guardianship temporarily with the instruction it be awarded permanently upon a review in 6 months. So whilst not 100% complete, it was almost there, and Frank knew that as long as he did what they said, there would be no problem. The other good thing was nothing had legally been awarded to Evelyn, after she had remained completely absent from the proceedings. Which meant that if she did reach out, Frank would have total control over where and how often contact took place. Which suited him fine as he could ensure it was on Mary’s terms completely.

“Hey…you ok?” Fliss asked, rubbing his arm. He jerked round, realising he had been completely elsewhere and gave her a smile.

“Yeah, sorry, was just thinking.”

“Did it hurt?” Mary asked and Frank shot her a look as Fliss and Bill laughed as Mary left with the drink she had come in to the kitchen for.

Frank followed her into the living room as she perched on the large sofa next to Verity, the pair of them looking at something on the laptop.

“Behave.” Frank looked at Mary. “Go to bed when V and Bill tell you, no back chat or arguing…”

She saluted him and V looked up smiling. “Stop fussing Frank, she’s never any trouble.” Frank nodded and then headed out to Bill’s Range Rover catching Fliss up.

“You do realise she’s gonna be up until midnight, pigging out on junk and watching movies right?” Fliss said as he reached her side, looping an arm round her waist.

“Yup.” Frank said “But she’s staying over there and not in the Annex, which means she’ll wake them up at stupid AM in the morning after no sleep and not us so I don’t much care…”

A little while later Frank guided her into Bongos Beach Bar and over to a booth at the far side. Fliss smiled as she recognised Greg, and Frank introduced her to his wife Zara, then his friend Jake and his fiancée Lisa. Finally she smiled at Simon who then excused himself heading off to meet his date at the door.

“Date?” Frank raised an eyebrow

“Yeah he’s been seeing her for about 3 weeks.” Zara supplied “He invited her tonight…”

“Ah, he’s back.” Greg nodded over Frank’s shoulder and he and Fliss turned to see the tall blonde man walking back with a familiar face by his side.

Oh for fucks sake…

“Bonnie…” Fliss smiled at her as the woman stilled when she saw her and Frank.  

“You know each other?” Simon asked, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, errr…” Frank began, wondering how the hell he was going to get out of this when Fliss spoke up.

“Bonnie is, was, still is I suppose, Mary’s teacher.” Bonnie shot her a grateful look and Fliss simply smiled as Simon made a noise of comprehension.

"I should have twigged!” he said, as they both took a seat at the booth. Zara handed out a few glasses of prosecco from the bottle that sat on the table to Bonnie and Fliss who both thanked her, the men grabbing a beer from the bucket.

“Thank you.” Frank whispered into Fliss’ ear as she turned to look at him. “I didn’t know he was seeing her, or that she was gonna be here, I promise…”

Fliss frowned and shrugged “It’s fine.” she said, almost as if she was puzzled as to why he was apologising. The confusion on his face must have shown as she smiled and lay her hand on his knee.

“Frank, I don’t have a problem with Bonnie. I still think it was a stupid thing to do but…” she shrugged.

He smiled at her and dropped a kiss to her cheek. “You’re fucking amazing you know that?”

“Yep…” she popped the p, grinning at him as she took a drink from her champagne glass.

Fliss kept up with the conversation, but she soon realised that as nice as they were Zara and Lisa were just not her type of people. With both their husbands having well paid jobs, as a lawyer and a bank manager, both were stay at home mums with a lot of money to spend and time on their hands. Plus they clearly spent a lot of time together so a lot of the chatter they made between themselves, leaving Fliss to simply listen.

At one point she glanced at Bonnie who was sat, nervously twisting her fingers together before she excused herself and headed over to the bathroom. Fliss gave it a few seconds before she too did the same, Frank moving so she could squeeze past him, hands falling to her hips as she went.

“Hey…” Fliss looked at Bonnie who was stood leaning on a sink. “You ok?”

“Yeah, I err, well, I don’t know about you but I feel a little out of place. I mean they’re nice enough but…“

"Kinda feels like we’re outsiders.” Fliss nodded finishing the sentence for her.

Bonnie snorted “I feel like they’re judging me a little. Like I’m a teacher…who has to work, and it’s not a great job…”

“Dude, I shovel shit for a living and Frank’s a grease monkey.” Fliss said causing Bonnie to snort. “It’s not that at all, they’re just friends and we’re…well…”

“Strangers…” Bonnie nodded.

“Exactly.” Fliss shrugged “Trust me, I’ve done the whole awkward social circle thing before, this…well, this is actually kinda nice in comparison. I met some real ass hats when I was with my ex. These guys are ok”

Bonnie smiled and then she grinned cheekily "Wanna go do tequila?”

“Fuck, yes.” Fliss nodded and they left the bathroom giggling, heading straight to the bar. Bonnie placed her order and slid a note over the bar as they both settled on a stool. Fliss glanced round to the booth where Frank was sat talking to the rest of his friends before she turned back to Bonnie who slid her a shot over. Without a word they both had their salt, downed the shot, then bit into the lemon, both grimacing and laughing as Fliss ordered another two and asked Bonnie what long drink she wanted. Turns out she was also a gin and tonic woman.

“I’m glad you and Frank ended up together.” Bonnie said, smiling at her. “It’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Fliss smiled at her. “Kinda crept up on me a little, you know? I wasn’t looking for anything but…”

“I’m glad me and him didn’t ruin it.” Bonnie said gently “That entire night was a huge mistake…I could tell the day after he regretted it.”

Fliss shrugged “Well we all do dumb shit.”

“Say that again.” Bonnie mumbled as their second shots arrived along with their gin.

“You know when he told me he’d told you it was a mistake I went mad at him.” Fliss snorted “I mean, talk about a shitty thing to say.”

“Oh that’s not the half of it, he-…” Bonnie trailed off and shook her head as she took a drink of her gin. “Forget it, doesn’t matter.”

“What?” Fliss pressed.

“Nope.” Bonnie shook her head firmly.

“You can’t just say that and not tell me!“ Fliss whined as Bonnie downed her shot, before she sighed.

"He called me by your name, twice.”

Fliss choked on her gin, her eyes wide “What, when you…”

Bonnie nodded.

“Ok, so I feel like I should be apologising…” Fliss said, “Not sure what for but…” Bonnie chuckled as Fliss shook her head and continued “How did you not rip his cock off…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very glad you didn’t but…”

Bonnie laughed loudly as Fliss sprinkled more salt onto her hand “It’s not a big deal, he was mortified when I told him.”

“So he should be…” Fliss said, as she picked up her tequila.

She turned to look at Frank who was now looking round the bar, questioningly. He spotted her at the bar and raised an eyebrow and she met him with a look of her own. “I’m dating an ass hole.” she said, turning back to Bonnie “He’s cute though.”

There was a pause before they both laughed, and Bonnie gestured to the empty glasses. Fliss shrugged and Bonnie, with a grin, ordered another 2 shots.

****

“So, how’s the new job Frank?” Simon looked at him and Frank smiled, taking a pull from his bottle.

“I don’t start until January.” he said, “But yeah, looking forward to it. Full time wage, benefits…what’s not to like?”

“And a boss.” Greg said, and Frank laughed.

“Well, be kinda nice not to have to think about where the next job is coming from.” he shrugged, “I still get to do what I enjoy but less stress…”

Greg, Simon and Jake all exchanged a look which Frank didn’t miss. He gave a sigh. “What?”

“Nothing…”  Jake smirked “Just watching you finally growing up is bringing a tear to my eye. I mean, you brought a girl to our Christmas gathering, the first one ever…in the history of the Circle of Truth holding Christmas gatherings…”

"Yeah, I imagine this is what it’s like waving your kid off to university.” Simon nodded.

Frank raised his middle finger at them all, causing them to laugh.

“We’re only joking.” Simon said, winking “In all seriousness, it’s nice to see.”

Frank shook his head “You make it sounds like I’m some kind of utter disaster case…”

They all paused and once again looked at each other. “Oh fuck you.” Frank snorted as they all laughed again.

“Anyone seen the ladies?” Greg said, looking around suddenly.

“Oh, I think Zara and Lisa are on the dance floor…” Jake said looking round.

Frank glanced round the bar, looking and saw that indeed they were but there was no sign of Fliss. Or Bonnie for that matter. Fliss had gone to the bathroom a while back but surely it couldn’t be that long to pee, even if you were a girl.

“Oh, looks like our girls are getting on…” Simon said, nodding with his head to the bar. Frank turned in his seat and glanced over and saw Fliss laugh at something Bonnie said, before she licked a line of salt off her hand, downed the shot, and bit into the lemon. He couldn’t decide if he was relieved or a little weirded out at how cool Fliss was around the woman he’d almost ruined his chances with her over, but as he watched her cutting loose, talking to Bonnie, the two women locked in a very friendly exchange he felt his chest warm. Fliss had openly admitted to him not long back she was a little lonely, her own friends being in England and the ones she had in Boston, well, they’d not really been her friends, more his. He supposed it was nice to see her with someone like that, even if it as one of his one night conquests. As he watched Fliss spluttered on her drink and looked at Bonnie, another exchange was had before Fliss picked up her next tequila and looked at him. He raised a questioning eyebrow but all she did was smirk and turn back to Bonnie. With a slight shrug he turned to Simon.

“Wanna join em?”

Simon nodded “Yeah, why not.”

They excused themselves from the booth and headed over. Fliss smiled as Frank slid an arm round her waist and dropped a kiss to her neck, before Simon grinned and nodded as he added another 2 tequilas to their order.

Several more shots and gins later Fliss was drunk. So was Frank. Which was the reason the two of them had ended up on the outside beach dancefloor, dancing to some random Christmas shit. It was also the reason Frank’s denim button down was now un-done revealing his white sleeveless which he had on underneath, giving Fliss a perfect view of that collar bone tattoo she loved so much. It hadn’t surprised her in the slightest when he had explained where the words were from, being a man of philosophy and all that. She also loved the reason behind his Taurus tattoo, it being Mary’s zodiac sign. Basically her sailor underneath all his bravado was a huge sentimental sap. A huge, sentimental sap whose hands were once again now cupping her ass as they moved to the music. Fliss had long given up reaching around to restore them to the bottom of her back and simply smirked to herself slightly as she looked round the dancefloor and out across the dark ocean.

“Still not right.” she murmured.

“What?”

“This…” she made an elaborate gesture with her arm and hit a guy next to her. “Whoops…sorry.” she grimaced as Frank snorted, the guy simply shrugged and carried on his way. “I mean…no snow at Christmas…”

“Yeah but, you’re outside, on a christmas dancefloor, on the beach” he shrugged “I mean it’s kinda cool…”

“Suppose…” she said, and then she paused, and Frank watched as a gorgeous grin spread across her face whilst she cocked her head to the music. It had just morphed into Fairy Tale of New York and she let out a whoop “I fucking love this one!”

There was a loud cheer from someone and suddenly the two of them were squashed together as Simon and Bonnie appeared, followed by the rest of the group and they found themselves in a circle,  arms tangled around shoulders, the girls singing the girls part and the boys singing the boys part. At one point someone dressed as Santa muscled into the middle of the group, simply giving a loud cheer before he exited and moved elsewhere, causing Fliss to snort hysterically, hanging onto Frank’s arm as she did. As the song ended, everyone belting out the last line the group descended into giggles and Frank just watched his girl. Her cheeks were flushed, hair was slightly frizzier now thanks to the humid outdoor air and she was absolutely the wrong side of wasted but god did he love that woman.

He loved her.

Frank Adler, one time self-proclaimed bachelor, king of the Friday night fucks was in love. When did that happen?

As he watched her lean in and say something to Greg who burst out laughing he realised he couldn’t pin point it. It had crept up on him, like a slow burn, a deep fire in the very core of his belly. And damned did that fire feel hot.

Frank reached for his girl and pulled her away from Greg. She stumbled slightly into his arms and she looked up at him, giggling a little and he cut her off with a deep kiss. And before he could stop himself, he blurted it out, right there in the middle of a temporary beach dancefloor.

“I love you.” If anyone else in the group had heard they were tactful enough to all turn away, pretending not to, but there’s no way they could have missed Fliss when she pulled back, a look of shock on her face which morphed into a grin and she pointed at Frank.

“Youuuu loooooveeee meeee!” she said in a sing song voice. Frank felt himself blush.

“Yeah, do you hafta announce it to the entire of South Pass?” his Boston accent dripped off his tongue. “Youuuu loooooooveeee meeee!” she said again and he groaned, pulling her closer. She leaned up so she could whisper into his ear, and damned the touch of her lips against his ear aroused him far more than was appropriate for the middle of a public dance floor.

“Wanna know a secret Sailor?” she asked. He turned his head to look at her and she smirked at him “I love you too.” Well fuck.

Despite the fact they were both trashed, they both knew this wasn’t just a heat of the moment thing. Both felt it, both knew that whatever it was they had was different, special, a part of them now and Frank felt himself mimicking the stupid smile on her face. He leaned down to kiss her again, and her hands tangled into his hair, the feel of her delicate nails on his scalp sent hot pokers to his belly and his already half growing arousal was, well, aroused even more.

“And that’s even though you’re an asshole who calls someone else’s name during sex…” she said as he pulled away. With a groan Frank hung his head as her arms linked around his neck, his hands locking behind her back.

“You know about that?” he asked with a little hiccup. “She told you?”

“Yup.” Fliss narrowed her eyes “And FYI you do that to me I’ll cut your balls off and feed them to Thor.” “Harsh but fair.” Frank conceded after a short pause.  She grinned and leaned up to kiss him again before she pulled away.

“Can we go now ‘cause I’m kinda horny.”

Ok, so Drunk Fliss was another Fliss to add to his list of favourite Flisses. Along with Sassy, shy, stern, sleepy, just fucked, just woken up…basically all the Flisses

“Nope.” he teased “I’m good here.” “Really?” she asked, pressing closer to him, tilting a little and he grunted a little as her hip bone pressed into his groin “Sure about that?”

“Yup…” he managed to squeak out.

“That must be a spanner in your pocket then. Or a screwdriver, or some other form of pointy tool…” she said, hardly able to finish the sentence she was laughing that much.

“Yeah, those…damned pointy tools…” he shook his head as he leaned down to kiss her. It was sloppy, open mouthed, full of tongue and absolutely filthy and left the pair of them in a bit of a daze. Frank pulled away and looked around, taking a deep breath “Ok, we can go now.”

Somehow they made it home in one piece. It took Fliss 3 attempts to get the key in the lock, the pair of them giggling like a couple of school kids, before she finally managed it and Frank leaned over and pushed the door open. Fliss stumbled slightly and Frank caught her, laughing.

“Shhh” he said.

“What for?” she asked, kicking off her shoes.

He paused for a moment and then shrugged “Actually I don’t know…”

“Idiot…” she sniggered, pushing his undone shirt down his arms before pulling at the bottom of his sleeveless. He moved so she could pull it over his head and as her fingers started to undo the button at the top of his jeans he reached round and gently found the zipper on her jumpsuit, sliding it down, his fingers gently skimming her back as they backed to the couch. Fliss fell over the arm with a thud, Frank following, before the momentum tripped him and he rolled onto the floor, pulling her with him, landing with a thud on his back. She fell on top of him, her elbow catching him in the ribs and he gave a loud huff, before she laughed and leaned over kissing him. His hands tangled into her hair, keeping her head angled perfectly, the kiss searing, leaving them breathless. Fliss pulled back and he brushed her hair back with both his hands, smiling softly at her.

“I meant what I said you know.” he looked at her

“Remind me again what that was…” she teased.

“I…” he leaned up and pecked her lips “love…” another peck “you.”

“Tell me when you’re sober…” she sassed back and gave a squeal as he whipped her over so she was on her back on the rug by the coffee table, framed between his strong arms and legs.

“In vino veritas.” he quipped and she propped herself up on her elbows, the front of her jumpsuit fell forward slightly and Frank blatantly stole a look down it at her lacy strapless bra, giving a groan.

“Yeah, and in vino a load of non-sensitas too…” she grinned and he gave a snort, as he dipped his head.

“Shut up.” he mumbled, his lips pressing onto hers again. ***** Frank groaned, blinking against the light that was streaming in through the crack in the curtains. Jesus Christ his head hurt. Rolling over he was met with a face full of hair and he blew it out of the way, smoothing down Fliss’s wild locks which were splayed all over the pillow. Gently sliding an arm under her neck he dropped the other one round her bare waist and pulled her into him, her back pressing to his chest as he snuggled close, screwing his eyes closed against the painful daylight.

“What year is it?” Fliss groaned and Frank chuckled slightly.

“Feeling rough baby?”

“Rough?” She croaked “I feel like I have a smurf in my head with a pick axe. This is all your fault.”

“My fault?“

"Yes you let me drink tequila with Bonnie.” “Ok, first off I didn’t know you were doing that until I saw you at the bar…”

“Yeah, and then you and Simon joined in…

“…and second off, you’re a grown ass woman. You make your own decisions.” She groaned again and then stilled “Fuck, we had sex last night…”

“Wow…” Frank said, laughing “Way to ruin my pride sweetheart…” “No I mean…” she shuffled onto her back and looked at him. “Did we…use…“

Franks eyes went wide. "Oh, erm…” No, no they hadn’t… fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I mean, come on, surely, we’ll be fine right?” he asked, “I mean, one time…what are the chances of…” “No, it’s not that I’m worried about.” she shook her head “I’m on the pill…I just..” she trailed off.

Frank propped himself up on his elbow as he cottoned on to what she was saying “Are you being serious?” he snorted.

“Well I don’t know where you’ve been!” she said indignantly “well, ok, maybe I know some of where you’ve been, but…” Frank snorted and shook his head “What do you take me for?”

“An ex ho?” she shot back immediately.

He fell onto his back laughing “If you must know I’ve never had unprotected sex with a one night stand in my life. And the other week I went and got tested, just for you. And I’m clean so…” “That’s so romantic… ” she grinned at him.

“Well I try.” he raised an eyebrow.

“Still love me?” she quipped and he turned his head to look at her.

“Fraid so.” “Too bad.” she teased, shuffling over to him “Coz that means you’re stuck with me…” “Oh no…” he said sarcastically as he turned onto his side, glancing down at her bare breasts “How will I ever cope?”

“Sure you’ll think of a way.” she arched an eyebrow before she suddenly went green. “Oh shit…” she mumbled, before she shot out of the bed and into the bathroom.

Frank listened to her barfing and snorted a laugh before he swung himself out of bed, glad to find his boxers on the floor by his feet. Although where the rest of his clothes where he had no idea. He knocked on the bathroom door.

“You ok?”

He heard the toilet flush and she emerged, wrapped in a robe and looked at him. “I’m never drinking tequila again. Ever.”

Frank had to hand it to his girl, despite her raging hangover she still managed to teach 4 classes of kids that day, and made it through to 9pm before she completely crashed on the sofa, falling asleep as the three of them sat in the apartment living room watching The Grinch, Mary’s choice. As the film finished at little after 10, Mary, who was lounging on Frank’s lap looked over to where Fliss lay, her head resting on the other arm of the couch, her feet nestled under his thigh, and nudged Frank.

“I know.” he said softly “Leave her be.”

Mary grinned and reached up to run her hand through his beard “you love Fliss.” He looked at her for a second, eyebrow raised “What makes you say that?”

“Roberta.” she shrugged.

Frank snorted. “Well, she’s not wrong.” “Did you tell her yet?” Mary looked at him.

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

“That she loves me too.”

Mary grinned “Lissy and Frank, sitting in a tree…”

He rolled his eyes as she chanted off the rest of the ridiculous rhyme and then looked at her “you finished?”

“Yup.” “Good, bed time.” “Awww Frank….”

“No arguments. Bill told me what time you stayed up till gone 1 am last night.” “Grass.” she narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah, you better believe it. Go on, wash your face, clean your teeth.”

“Shower?”

“Quit stalling Stack you had one when you got back from the stables…”

With a groan she pushed herself off his knee and he stood up as she headed into the bathroom. He pulled a fresh pair of pyjamas out of the clean pile of laundry he needed to sort that was on the chair at the back of the room and lay them on his bed before he moved over and knelt down by Fliss’ head.

“Honey…” he said gently, pushing her hair back off her face. “Baby…“

She made a noise as she wrinkled her nose, and he smiled as she blinked and looked at him.

"Oh, shit…sorry…” she said as she realised she’d fallen asleep. “What time is it?“” “Not too late.” he smiled “Just about to put Mary to bed. You staying here or…”

“Yeah if that’s ok?” “Course its ok.” he smiled.

She smiled at him as he dropped a kiss to her lips and then sat up, running her hand through her hair as she blinked, yawning. “Fuck I’m so tired.” She stood up, stretched and then smiled as Mary came back into the room. The girl shot Frank a filthy look and stalked past him into his room. “Ok, wow…” “She doesn’t want to go to bed.” he shrugged, “moody little madam.”

Fliss laughed as she headed into the bathroom. Frank sat down on the sofa and a little while later, Mary emerged and shot straight for her bed.

“Can I at least read?” she looked at him.

“10 minutes, tops.” he said, “Whilst I do the dishes…”

She grinned and he turned off the TV and headed into the kitchen, clearing away the remains of their takeaway, stowing the left overs in the fridge for lunch the day after.

In the bathroom Fliss was busy groaning to herself as she realised she’d come on. She knew she was due, but still, this was a pain in the ass. Sorting herself out, she washed her hands and walked into the kitchen. Frank looked up and raised his eyebrow, misinterpreting the look on her face.

“You been sick again?” he asked.

“No… ” she shook her head as she bit her lip. “Look, Frankie, I’m gonna go home…” “Why?” he frowned.

“I errr…” she flushed “I forgot…I…” she trailed off and his frown deepened as her hand moved instinctively to her stomach before a look of realisation crossed his features.

“Oh…” he said, nodding “Well, ok, if you’re more comfortable going home then that’s up to you sweetheart…” He dropped a kiss to her head and she looked at him, confusion flooding her brain. “You don’t want me to go?”

“Why would I want you to go?” he frowned.

“Because…” she looked at him, unable to voice what she was getting at. As a memory flooded her mind, one of John screaming at her for the sheets being marked, she was jerked back to the here and now as Frank closed the distance between them, tipping her head up to look at him. “Lissy, talk to me…”

“Sorry, I err…” she rubbed at her head “He used to make me sleep in a separate room…” “Are you for real?” Frank blurted out, and she could see the anger flooding his system. “Seriously?”

She visibly recoiled a little at his tone and Frank cursed himself as she looked at him, eyes wide as she began to apologise.

“Hey…” he said gently, reaching out to her. “Stop. You’ve nothing to be sorry for I shouldn’t have shouted I just….” he took a deep breath “That’s fucked up.” “Don’t you think I know that?” she said quietly, looking down as his hands rubbing her arms, before she looked back up at him, her eyes now had a fierce spark  “You wanna know what’s really fucked up?“ When he was trying to get me pregnant, every month he’d stop me taking pain killers. Told me it was my own fault for not managing to conceive.”

“Jesus Liss…” Frank shook his head, as she shrugged, her head turning to the side. “Baby…” “Don’t” she shrugged “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.” “Ok.” he said, nodding. “You wanna stay?”

She nodded, smiling softly.

“Good.” he said, dropping a kiss to her forehead before he moved away from her and reached over, filling the kettle.

“What are you doing?” she asked from behind him.

“Making you a tea.” he shrugged “Used to help Diane…”

“Thanks…” she said softly after a short pause.

“You got everything you need or you need to go the store?”

“I’m good.” she nodded “Ex Girl Scout, always prepared…” He gave a laugh.

“Think I might take another shower though, if that’s…” “You don’t need to ask.” he said gently

“Ok, well…” she nodded and he smiled, before she moved over and wrapped her arms round his waist, nuzzling into his chest. He gently rubbed at her back, before she leaned up, kissed him and headed out. The kettle boiled and he leaned on the side, dropping his head slightly. What kind of fucked up asshole did that to his own wife? To a wife he was supposed to love and protect no less. It broke his heart to think anyone could be so callous, so mentally and physically abusive to someone so soft, so gentle, so damned amazing….he looked up as he saw her making her way into the bathroom, bag in hand and she smiled at him, shutting the door.

Once he’d made them both a hot drink and grabbed the Advil, he made his way through to his room, placing one mug on the bedside table on the side he slept on and then another on the sill behind Fliss’ side and leaned on the doorframe, looking at Mary. She was still reading.

“Please just the end of this chapter…” she said, holding up the Harry Potter book. Frank took a deep breath, then decided fuck it. She’d fall asleep at some point, there was no school.

“Lights off after that.” he said “I’ll be out to check.” She grinned as he dropped a kiss to her head. “Night Stack.” “Night Frank.”

Back in his room he stripped off, tossing his t-shirt into the hamper before folding his jeans and dropping them on his dresser. He settled on the bed, stretching his legs out as he kicked the duvet down and flicked on the small TV, flipping through the channels looking for something to watch. Grinning when he found an episode of Family Guy, he turned the volume down low and had been watching for about 5 minutes when he heard Fliss talking to Mary who mentioned something about the book before he heard her bid her good night, and as Fliss opened the door he saw Mary’s light flip off.

He smiled at his girl who had her hair pulled back in a braid and was dressed in a pair of bed shorts and a tight camisole type top, her shoulders bare, long legs stretched as she dropped onto the bed besides him.

“You ok?” he asked, dropping a kiss to her shoulder as she reached round for the drink. She paused as she saw the Advil and then picked it up, smiling at him as she turned to face him.

“Yeah.” she assured him as he kissed the bridge of her nose. She tossed down two pain killers and sipped her drink, her legs bent in front of her as they sat in a comfortable silence, watching the TV, both laughing softly at the show. Eventually she placed the mug down and snuggled closer to him. He reached down for the duvet and pulled it up round their legs as her head lay on his chest, his arm falling round her, fingers lightly brushing down the back of her neck, shoulder and then up again. It was an action he knew she found comforting, and he was proven right as little over 15 minutes later he looked down to find her fast asleep.

With a soft smile he turned off the TV and gently moved her so that they were both lay flat and she gave a soft hum of contentment and snuggled into him closer. With a yawn he pressed a kiss to her head and closed his eyes.

******

The rest of the two weeks remaining to Christmas was spent in a whirl of tree-decorating, paper-chain making, shopping and eating more crap than Fliss had thought humanly possible. Steve and his wife Sian arrived on the 22nd and Verity cooked a huge family dinner where Mary was introduced to their twin boys. Frank watched her with interest, they were both her age and he was pleasantly surprised to see she actually seemed to mingle with them quite well. Steve was also noticeably warmer towards him too, which was a relief, and Frank was more than happy to take him out for a beer with Bill one evening whilst the women stayed at home and wrapped presents whilst drinking copious amounts of champagne. A Gallagher tradition Frank was informed, a tradition he eagerly told Bill he could fully get on board with, especially when Fliss had offered to wrap Mary’s presents as well.

By the time Christmas Eve rolled round Frank noticed that Fliss was ridiculously excited and was happy to admit it was because she was looking forward to spending it with him and her family. When Verity had invited him to join them for Christmas dinner he’d been reticent to accept at first, not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t want to put her out. When she’d told him she’d be more offended if he refused he’d relented and made the mistake of telling Mary who hadn’t let the subject drop for the last 2 weeks. Fliss joined them in their traditional Christmas Eve celebration with Roberta, where they exchanged gifts, Roberta made up with the chunky silver bangle Fliss had spotted in a shop and the photo frame which Mary had made one evening with Bill by glue-gunning sea shells onto a plain wooden one she had gotten from Target. Once they were done, they packed Fliss’ jeep up and headed off to the annex. After watching “Elf” in the cinema room with the rest of the family,  wearing her new Chrstmas Pyjamas (another Gallagher tradition that all the kids in the family got new ones to sleep in on Christmas Eve)  they three of them headed back over to the annex and Mary shot up to bed with no fuss at all, leaving Frank and Fliss to enjoy the rest of their evening which they spent making out like a pair of horny teenagers on the couch until they’d ended up fucking like a pair of horny teenagers on the couch too. Christmas morning Fliss cracked open an eye and grinned as she sat up, listening to Mary who was calling from the spare room, before she started to sing We Wish You A Merry Christmas, which was punctuated by barks from Thor. Besides her Frank gave a groan and she nudged him.

“Wake up scrooge.” “Fuck off.” he mumbled.

She laughed and nudged him again before she climbed out of bed, wearing his T-shirt and pulled a pair of denim shorts on “I reckon you got about 2 minutes before Mary barrels through the door…” "Fucking Christmas…” Frank said, but she caught the smile on his face as he swung his legs out of bed and stretched, the muscles on his back rippling as he did so. Standing up Fliss watched as he moved, his ass looking pretty damned fine in his boxers as he headed to the bathroom, banging on the spare room door as he did. Fliss heard it fly open and a few minutes later Mary came shooting into her room and bounced on the bed, a half-eaten chocolate Santa in her hand which she had unwrapped from her Stocking. Thor followed, taking up position on the foot of the bed and Fliss hugged Mary, grinning. She loved Christmas, she always had done as a kid. Granted, it hadn’t always been fun with he-who-shall-not-be-named, but the last 2 since leaving him she’d gotten that childish excitement back, and today was no exception.

“So, I just stand here do I?” Frank asked as he leaned on the doorway, gesturing to the now full bed. Fliss grinned at him and shrugged.

“We’re not staying here.” Mary looked at him “We got presents to open downstairs…” “Hmmm not sure we do.” Frank teased as he pulled a shirt from his bag in the corner of the room “I mean, does Santa know you’re here and not at the apartment…” Mary rolled her eyes “I haven’t believed in Santa since I was 5”

“What?” Fliss said, horrified “I still believe and I’m like 33!”

Mary gave her a scathing look. Fliss shrugged. “What can I say, I believe in Christmas magic” “I did…” Mary shrugged “Until he didn’t bring me a puppy.” “He doesn’t do live animals.” Fliss reasoned.

“Or a piano.” “Too big to fit on the sleigh.” “Or an algebra book I wanted.” “Yeah, why the hell would he bring you maths books?” Fliss snorted “That’s school work.” “I like it. "she shrugged, before she shoved the rest of her chocolate in her mouth and jumped up, bouncing on the bed. "Come on! Get up!”

Thor looked up, gave a huff and Frank told her to stop bouncing. She flopped down and looked at him, folding her arms and Fliss laughed “ok, let’s go!”

The two of them raced down the stairs, Frank following as Mary burst into the living room to see her presents piled by the sofa, and her eyes immediately went to the large wooden box which wasn’t wrapped that had her name painted on the side, and a large painted white pony on the top, resembling Monty. She moved to it and opened it, giving a squeal as she began to pull out the various grooming products that Fliss had bought her to make her own little pony box.  As Mary began to hastily rip the wrapping paper off the rest of the pile of gifts, Frank moved to the tree and pulled out 2 boxes. One large, one small.

“Merry Christmas baby girl.” he said, dropping a kiss to Fliss mouth. She grinned and sat down on the couch, opening the little box first. Inside was a silver necklace a pendant in the shape of a Daisy which Fliss beamed at.

“I love daisies!” she smiled at him “They remind me of home.” “I know.” he smiled as she looked at it again before she moved to the next box. This was the one Frank was excited about. They’d cost him a small fortune but, turns out when you don’t spend every Friday night in Ferg’s you actually saved a fair bit of dough. Who knew? “Oh my god…” she whispered as she cleared the paper away from the contents and glanced down at the tan Cowboy boots. She took a deep breath as she picked one out of the box to examine the detailing on the leather before her eyes widened as she saw her name ‘Lissy’ stitched on the top.

“Do you like them?” he asked softly, although he could tell from her reaction that was a stupid question.

“Frankie…” she looked at him with tears in her eyes, God this man really did listen to every damned word she said.  “I can’t…” she leaned over and gave him a kiss. “Thank you…”

He smiled as she slipped them on and stood up, giving Mary a twirl. There was something about her wearing them along with denim shorts that Frank wasn’t ashamed to admit he found a little arousing.

Frank laughed when he got his presents from Fliss, a new Paul Smith shirt, a Red Sox Cap and a new Samsung Smartphone as she informed him his Nokia had gone out of fashion in 2009. Which was before Mary was born, she pointed out. But it was the gifts they both got from Mary that surprised and reduced them to tears of laughter.

Fliss held up the cowboy hat, grinning from ear to ear as she slipped it on whilst Frank held the white Navy Captain’s hat up and shook his head. “Where on Earth did you get these?” he asked, laughing.

“Bill helped me.” Mary shrugged, looking up from where she was now jamming a pink Ariat baseball cap which she had just unwrapped on her head.

“Remind me to thank him later!” Frank rolled his eyes as Fliss snatched the hat from him and stuck it on his head.

“Mary, get in…” she patted Frank’s knee and Mary hopped up, as Fliss held her phone away from them, snapping a selfie of the 3 of them. Frank watched her as she smiled, inspecting it and he had to admit it was a pretty good snap of the 3 of them. All smiling, all wearing some form of head gear, and for the first time in as long time he realised he was enjoying Christmas morning because HE was having a good time, not just Mary. To him it normally meant a fuck load of expense and the fact another year was rapidly drawing to a close. But he was more than happy to draw a close on 2017. Not simply to shut the door on a mentally draining court fight, but also because he was looking forward to the future. He was starting a new job, would be in the market for a new home and moving through all of those changes with his girl by his side excited him instead of filling him with dread.

As Mary slid off his knee to examine another present he turned to Fliss who grinned, knocking his hat off his head.

“Merry Christmas cowgirl.” he grinned,

She smiled, leaning over to kiss him “Merry Christmas Sailor!”

[xxmisty]

My Big Humiliating Torchwood Confession - Part 1 :P

Warning: this will be a LONG post, and i’m sorry about that! 

Lucy is sat opposite me asking me repeatedly if I’ve started typing yet because she knows how desperately i’m putting off making this post!!1

This is awful, this is.... probably the most embarrassingly intimate confession i’ll have made since the day I opened up about my fetish way back at the start of 2013. And on the surface of it it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but IT IS TO ME! And a big chunk of the trauma i’m about to express is tongue in cheek but it’s genuinely been - and continues to be - a huge bundle of DISTRESS AND HUMILIATION AND UTTER RESENTMENT!!! Because this year has been.... one hell of a personal journey and i don’t even mean anything to do with the pandemic.

It all started on New Year’s Day. I was feeling horrendously ill; the miraculous medication that had started to give me my life back had run out and thanks to the festive postal delays my new lot hadn’t arrived yet. I was in agony, I had a horrible headache, I felt sick and I could hardly move. We spent the day watching a bunch of muppet stuff, and that night we watched the first ep of season 12 of Doctor Who and, y’know, it was a pretty damn good episode (plus thirteen in the suit.... fuuckkk) 

So afterwards we started having a discussion about Chris Chibnall - we’ve long held criticisms about some of his writing (not all of it, but it’s a mixed bag) and Lucy told me I still hadn’t seen his worst writing because that was for Torchwood...

Which I had never seen. Which I had been desperately trying not to see, although I didn’t know why. I just always had this vibe like a big “NO ENTRY!” sign at the idea of ever watching it. It’s not as though I had a logical reason for it, it’s not like I’d read up about it and thought, ‘naahhhhhh, I don’t fancy watching that’. I just had a big WARNING sign in my head, telling me not to go there. 

Several years ago Lucy made me watch the first episode (after i’d been avoiding her threats of showing it to me for like 2 years) and like... it wasn’t horrible? It wasn’t... great either... but it didn’t kill me. Then a couple of years ago she showed me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang because we were having a big Runaways phase so she wanted to show me an episode with James Marsters in. Again, it didn’t kill me. It wasn’t horrible. But I still had those big NO ENTRY!!! signs up in my head. I was still trying desperately to avoid actually being shown Torchwood as a show.

And the the new year happened and I was too WEAK AND DEFENCELESS to know what was happening when Lucy and I cuddled up in bed that night. I was too sick to really comprehend what she was doing or to fight back when she announced she was going to show me the very worst of Chris Chibnall’s writing... and put on Day One followed by Cyberwoman.

Oh. My. God.

All day I had been in a state of physical agony. Suddenly my mental and emotional state was far, FAR worse!!! The sex gas alien was bad enough, then by the time she put on Cyberwoman my brain was trying to shut down. I used to suffer blackouts and, god, I kept blacking out all the way through it, and instead of being her usual loving, wonderful self she KEPT FORCING ME TO COME ROUND TO WATCH IT!!!

By this point it was gone midnight and I was in a state of utter distress!! This was the worst double helping of tv I had ever sat through in my life and I sat up and let forth a tirade of absolute distress! This, I decided, had to be the reason I’d been avoiding Torchwood. Because it was more like.... Torurewood :P 

Yep, that had to be it. Couldn���t possibly be anything worse, could it? 

At least now lucy had shown me those two terrible Chibnall eps I would NEVER EVER HAVE TO WATCH THEM AGAIN. Or ANY Torchwood episodes. Yes, my ordeal was over. Had to be.

Nope. We went back to bed and she put on Out if Time. And i’ll admit, the story was much stronger but goddddd I had issues with the endings! And my level of despair started to rise even higher. I HATED Torchwood! This was the most distressing night’s viewing ever and I just wanted to go to sleep and be done with it all! Lucy put one more episode on afterwards: They Keep Killing Suzie. And that was much better but halfway through we finally fell asleep - so surely my trauma was over with.

Nope.

I had horrible nightmares of a very thirsty Gwen coming onto me all night, over and over again and it was HORRIBLE!!! Like, you have no idea how distressed I was! And when I woke up I blamed lucy whole-heartedly and she very sympathetically laughed at my plight!

But yeah. My trauma was over. No more Torchwood. I’d suffered the night from hell. Now it was time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on! My medication arrived that day, I started work on some new pet portraits and life went back to normal.

Until that night, when I saw the telltale sign of Lucy putting a video on and turning her iPad around and then there they were - the opening titles of Torchwood - and I wanted to jump out the boat and into the canal and swim as far away as possible!!!

But the episode she put on was Fragments. She said she wanted to show me Chris Chibnall’s finest episode. And y’know what? It was really pretty fucking good. And god, I was fURIOUS about that!!! When we went to bed she pulled a real double whammy though by putting on Adam - which became instantly one of my favourite episodes of ANYTHING, EVER. And I looked at my wife, shook my head, sighed and told her, ‘nice save, Lucy... nice save...’

Over the next couple of weeks we also had a major Doctor Who rewatch and revisited most of the New Who era, and - to my mixed feelings - she dotted various other episodes of Torchwood in around them. I was conflicted - after the Adam and Fragments double bill I was no longer in brain-screamy hatred territory. I did however keep having flashbacks to that godawful night. Plus i’d had several further nightmares about a thirsty Gwen and I did NOT like it! But by a couple of weeks into January I’d seen a fair bit of Torchwood. Some of them twice. 

Around this same time I’d started back in testosterone after not being able to afford it for the last 3 years. And then I started to notice I was getting some..... urghhhhhh..... unusual... and very uncomfortable feelings... about certain.... things... and characters.

And I started falling headlong into a great big gay panic :P

And here’s where the whole story becomes a HELL of a lot more embarrassing so i’m going to put it under a read more :P

Did ya click on that read more? Wh-why? there’s nothing to see here... especially not a long tale of shame and distress :P ugggghhhhhhh ok, FINE;

Basically there were two things happening at the same time. One was that I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in two decades. When I was a kid/teen we didn’t have the phrase ‘hyperfixation’ so I just called them obsessions. I always had obsessions, at any given point there was always this ONE THING that was my entire life. i lived it, breathed it, became it. It was my whole world, my whole personality, my focus, my lifeline. 9 times out of 10 it would be a tv show. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I would generally change my obsession about once a month. There were several ‘usual suspects’ that would cycle around over and over - Red Dwarf, The Brittas Empire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Halfway Across the Galaxy, Parallel 9, Out of this World... 

late in 1995 I became obsessed with The X Files and - bizarrely - that obsession just ran and ran. I was so used to my obsession changing around once every month that it was bizarre to still be absolutely hyperfixated on it almost 9 months later. And then, in June 1996, my longest ever obsession took its place, a little known uk fantasy show called Bugs. 

That... was my longest running obsession. And oh my god, was I ever obsessed with it. I have no idea how that one obsession kept going for 3 years. i’m sorry this is particularly wordy but this is kind of personal and I want to explain this right.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably known that one of the most defining moments of my life happened in the summer of ‘98. My cousin’s husband sexually assaulted me and my life spiralled into total despair. While that night was bad enough, the slow breakdown I went through over the course of the year that followed was harder to recover from. And eventually I came out the other side to some degree but i’d lost my love of three things that made me the person I was: writing, drawing and being obsessed. All three were so closely entangled with that night and surviving afterwards that it changed something that had always been a fundamental part of me.

I was no longer able to feel obsession. To hyperfixate the way I previously had. It was like something was broken inside me. And that was like a loss unto itself. It was SUCH a big part of me. It had been the only way i’d survived years of depression when I was young. My obsessions were what kept me afloat. 

In the last decade there are a few things that I called ‘obsessions’ and I thought were as close as I would ever get to the way I used to feel. I thought maybe it was because i’d ‘grown up’ (pah). That’s not to say that i wasn't thoroughly into Ashes to Ashes, FNAF and Homestuck, for example, because of course I was! I even called them obsessions, but there was something that just... wasn’t the same, no matter what I did.

And over time, I got back the other things I’d lost. I started writing my A2A fics in 2010 and Lucy helped me to start drawing again in 2018 and god, both times it was like finally having a piece of myself returned after so long! As for my ‘obsessions’, I just thought I wasn't able to feel the way I used to because I wasn’t a kid any more.

But then, I thought that about Christmas Eve too, and then lucy came into my life <3

Still, the last thing I was expecting was... for *those* feelings to start sneaking back in my life. Feelings I hadn’t been able to experience since the summer of 1998-9. And to my further distress I discovered that they were relating to a certain show that I’d had a traumatising introduction to on new year’s day...

Suddenly it was all I could think about; TORCHWOOD! TORCHWOOD! Aargghhhhh and yet I still hated it! It was still awful! And yet... at the same time... it was so goooooooood.... arghhhhh, every time we watched an episode there was a  knife twisting in my guts, reminding me that I hadn’t even felt these feelings over things we’d been HUGELY into... the fandoms we’d met through, the fandoms we discovered together. Nope. It was Torchwood that brought back my ability to hyperfixate! And I have SO MANY ANGRY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

And believe me, I kept thinking it was going to stop and go away BUT IT HASN’T! It’s only gotten worse! And as of yesterday Torchwood officially became my second  longest obsession ever!!!

I. AM. FURIOUS!!!

It’s... urrghhhh I hate this fact but it’s almost like I have a crush on the *show*??!!! I... can’t explain it better than that??? It’s like, if I could throw Torchwood on the bed and make sweet, sweet love to it I would :P and yeah, i’m saying all of this tongue in cheek but i’ve had a fucking sky high libido ever since I went back on T (ohhhhh and believe me I am LOVING it!!! 💙💙💙) But it’s like... there are elements of Torchwood itself that are so fucking hot that I get.... reactions that I am SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABOUT for so many reasons deidjdhdggjhaaahhhhhhhhh

Lucy literally only has to say ‘Torchwood’ at me and I end up in a gibbering heap half the time - I am not even kidding!!!

This, however, is NOT the worst thing that happened as a result of Lucy making me watch this god damned show.

But honestly this post has gone on WAY too long already so i’m going to save that for part 2.

Oh god... my shame.... my total and utter shame....

To be continued :P

[gustafsnightangel]

Shattered Lives Ch 22 Pt 2

“Well let’s see, I won my case, secured a major company as a permanent client, I’m on the list to make partner, and I just got fucked so good I’m not going to be able to walk for the next few hours.” She kissed him as they both laughed. “Today is a pretty good day.”

“Wait, you made partner?” Her kiss had blanked his mind for a second before he could process what she’d said.

“On the list for, it’s not mine, yet.” She smiled.

“Thats a pretty big deal.” He breathed out looking at her in awe. She was wicked smart and her mind amazed him.

“I guess.” Her shrug was nonchalant.

“You don’t think so?” He looked at her surprised.

“I’m not sure I want it to tell you the truth.” Her finger toyed with his scruff.

“Isn’t that every lawyers dream job?”

She shrugged. “I guess, if you’re every lawyer. If I’m offered it and take it it’ll mean more work, more hours, and I’m not sure I want that. It’s hard enough keeping up with the kids and being there for them, for you.” She trailed a finger down his cheek and across his jaw. “I know I can do the job, it’s more money which would be nice, but I’m just not sure I want it. I like what I’m doing and I was hoping for a few more years for things to settle down with the kids before taking something like that on.” She kissed him and he deepened it. “A few years ago I would have jumped at it but now? I don’t know.” She shrugged with a sigh. “Life’s changed for me I guess, more than I’d thought.”

“Only you can decide love, but for what it’s worth, I think you’d be really good at it. Good progression for your career. We’ll make it work if you decide to take it. No pressure from me either way, but I think it’s an awesome opportunity and if you want to take it on I’ll be here to help out any way I can. If you want to stay where you are then that’s good too, but don’t make a decision that you’ll regret later.” He kissed her. “Think it over fully before you give them an answer.”

She rolled on top to straddle him and kissed him sinfully.

“Thank you.” She said softly.

“What for?” His chuckle was met with another kiss.

“For not pushing.” She kissed him longingly. “For not pushing either way.”

“It’s your career love, you call the shots not me.” He said honestly and her grin said it all, relief and happiness. “I’m happy for you and I’ll support you which ever way you choose to go as long as it’s what you want.”

“What I want, is you.” She purred and kissed him again. “Just you.”

“You have me love.” He said softly. “All of me.”

Her kiss was tender, that love finding its way into his heart and filling him. As her kiss lingered his hands lightly brushed up and down her spine, lazy patterns to both soothe and arouse. He let her taste his throat, the gentle nip of her teeth making him hiss, her lips ghosting his pulse.

He rolled so she was pressed into the mattress, the feel of her curves under him making him hard. Her hands stroked up and down his back as he feasted on her neck, the slow seduction a complete opposite of their mating earlier. He kissed her sweetly and let the love flow from him. He would give it all to her, his love the world, the entire universe.

He hooked her legs around his hips and devoured that clever mouth as he slipped inside her. Swallowing her moan he took her slowly. The gentle thrust and pull, hands caressing, lips teasing. He made love to her, the soft sighs, the pleasurable moans from her lips, they sang to him as he tipped her into bliss.

“Look at me.” He whispered and came as those pale blue eyes locked onto his.

He kissed her and she couldn’t help but feel completely and totally safe, loved, he had so much love to give. His huge frame towering over her, the weight pinning her to the bed, home. He relaxed his weight on top of her as they caught their breath.

“You’re beautiful love.” He said softly, those dusty blue eyes more at ease than she’d seen in weeks.

“Only to you.” She kissed him, that slow loving kiss that seared his brain. Her fingers toyed with his scruff and he leaned into her hand. “You doing ok?”

His eyes met hers and his slight smile set her further at ease. “Doing better.” His kiss was erotic. “Better when I get to have you all to myself for an afternoon.” He chuckled.

“Mmmm don’t get used to it. Oliver cut me a break today.”

“You’ve been working hard these past weeks and I’ve been an ass.” He kissed her again. “I’ll have to thank him for giving you the afternoon so I could make it up to you.”

“You’re enough love.” She murmured. “This is enough. You and me, here together. It’s all I want, nothing fancy, just this.” She smiled at his slightly shocked expression.

“You’re incredible you know that right?”

“Not really.” She snorted and he grinned before kissing her deeply.

“Ok.” He said quickly. “I need food before the monster in my belly chews its way out.” He said as his stomach gave a rather loud objection to the lack of sustenance. Kissing his way down her body, he lingered briefly to taste her, make her moan, and then climbed off the bed. “You want something?” He asked as he pulled his sweatpants on.

“You.” She grinned and he laughed as he shook his head climbing back on the bed toward her.

“After food.” He kissed her deeply. “Fuel up for the next round love, you’re gonna need it.” He murmured in that low timbre that made her wet, his grin playful.

She lay there grinning as he padded out into the kitchen. Should she just ask him to move in, she thought? Was it too soon? Maybe after Christmas, let things settle down from meeting his family? “There’s too much going on.” She grumbled to herself. “And I suck at this.” She got up and pulled her robe on and went out to see him pulling something together for them both to eat. She stood behind him, wrapping her arms around that expansive chest and burrowed her face into his neck. God she loved the smell of him.

“You smell tasty.” She said quietly as his chuckle made her smile. “Sorry. I have a thing for you today. I have a thing for you every day but this, I don’t know where the hell this came from but I can’t get enough of you.”

“No complaints here love.” He said, turning in her arms to kiss her seductively. “Stress relief maybe? It’s been a rough few weeks and you’ve been stressed out of your mind.” He kissed her jaw, her neck, and sucked on the pulse there. “Not that I’ve made it any easier on you.” He added and kissed her again, the apology evident.

“It’s done love, we move past it remember.” She said gently. She’d remind him when he was starting to beat himself up more than necessary, he couldn’t descend into a depressive spiral, or wallow. She’d forgiven him and he knew that, he had to move on from it.

“I know, I just still feel like shit for putting you through it and how much it’s rippled out and touched everything, everyone.” He kissed her tenderly.

“We’re ok love.” She kissed him, that mind altering kiss that made him weak for her.

“Fuck me I love it when you kiss me like that.” He breathed when she let him up for air.

“I only kiss you like that remember.” She winked and his smile was one of mischief.

“Come on let’s eat.” He kissed her quickly. “Then I’m going to watch you come undone as I have my way with you.” He growled.

They sat and ate and discussed what Gustaf would tell his family about Sildie and the kids before meeting them Christmas Day.

“Thank you.” She said softly.

“You’re nervous.” He stated more than asked as his fingers entwined with hers.

“Yes.” She blew out her breath. “And a little concerned.”

“Why concerned?” He asked gently, knowing where her mind was heading.

“That they’ll hate me. You’re not just dating me Gustaf. You’re dating me and took on four kids who you treat as if they’re your own. I’m concerned that it’ll be seen as gold digging. I know that’s not the case, far from it but...”

“It’s on your mind regardless.” He finished for her and kissed her fingers tenderly. “They won’t see it that way love. It’s my life and my choice to be with you and the kids. We’re close but our lives are our own.” He said gently and let his fingers toy with her hair. “As are our decisions with it.”

She blew a breath out. “Ok.” She nodded. “That makes me feel a little better. When will you tell them? About.. you know?” She asked hesitantly, her hands wringing in her lap. This he thought was stressing her out.

“I’ll tell them in the next few weeks. Mum and Sam are the hardest to pin down with their shifts at the hospital.” He paused and looked at her choosing his words carefully. “I told Bill when he was over. He started asking questions so I gave him the bare necessity version.” He had to come clean with that, if she found out it would only upset her more. She called the shots with this not him but he’d protect her and the kids at all costs.

“Ok. I figured you might have had to tell him something. I just don’t want pity.” She said gently, and it was the truth. The way people looked at you with pity in their eyes, or the fake empathy.

“They’re not like that love, but I get it.” She was strong, she was dealing with more shit in her lifetime than most, and she was right, she didn’t need pity. She needed understanding and support. “You want it to be a normal Christmas, a normal meeting.”

“Exactly.” She breathed out with relief. He got it, got her. “I know there will be tears, I’m kidding myself if I think there won’t be but, I just want to get through the day without imploding, without the kids imploding.”

“I’ll let them know. They’re looking forward to meeting you and the kids, tears and all.” He smiled. “They’ll understand love.” His kiss tender. “They want to meet the mystery woman that’s made me so incredibly happy.” His kiss was sweet, that love he held deeply surging forward to consume her.

“You finished?” He asked in that tone that made her wet as he pointed to her plate.

“Yeah.” Her voice breathy.

“Good.” He growled and kissed her seductively as he stood, collecting the dishes and taking them to the kitchen.

He left the dishes in the sink, he’d take care of them later. For right now he had a woman to satisfy. Standing behind her he massaged her shoulders and the boulders that had lodged there. Stress, he’d see it lessen after today and she found the release she was after.

His hands slipped under the silk fabric of her robe and pulled it open as they drifted to cup her breasts.

“Stand up love.” He growled gently as he felt her body relax and give itself over to his touch. She did as he instructed, loving the way he took control so she didn’t have to think. He undid the robe and let it fall from her shoulders, fingers already starting their delicious torment.

“I want my dessert at the table.” He whispered and heard the gasp as his fingers pinched her nipples. “Where I can savor it.” His lips gently kissed the pulse at her neck before biting down, those fingers equally erotic. While one hand held her breast the other made its way to her throat. He gently pulled her head back to rest against his shoulder and kissed her jaw.

“Give yourself to me.” He murmured. “Let me take you.” He whispered in that low growl making her whimper.

“Please.” She sighed as his lower hand traveled to the other breast and teased her.

“Are you sure love? Once I start I’m not stopping until I’ve wrecked you.” He said quietly as his finger slipped over her clit and he squeezed her throat gently.

“Please.” She choked. She felt his smile against the nape of her neck. A promise that he’d do just that.

Without a sound he stood there with her pinned against him and stroked her. Over her clit, her nipples, palming those heavy ripe breasts. Every touch, every kiss, every breath against her skin relaxed her further, aroused her beyond thought.

“Turn around.” He murmured as he kept the slow torture across her body going as she moved in his arms. He kissed that clever mouth, tongue teasing as he pressed her thighs against the edge of the table gently.

He hooked a foot around the leg of a chair and pulled it to him as he devoured her mouth, her throat. As he sat he kissed a blazing trail down over her breasts until he was seated with his face buried in her belly. He breathed in her scent, her arousal and felt his cock twitch. He would savor this moment, his goddess being devoured, pleasured one orgasm at a time.

Her hands caressed his shoulders, toned muscle flexing under them as he moved. She craved him, wanted no one else but him. Was he ready for her to tell him she loved him she wondered as he helped her sit on the table and lay back? Was it too soon after dealing with his memories of Ana? His hands drifted up her arms and pushed them gently above her head so she could grip the edge of the table. All thoughts went out of her head completely as he sat back down trailing fingers down her torso. She spread her knees wide, his hands caressing her inner thighs softly as he kissed a path behind them, tongue trailing into the dip where hip met leg and nipped her gently.

“So beautiful.” He purred.

She could feel his hot breath on her skin as those devilish hands worked her body into a state of total bliss. Finally the last few weeks started to melt away. He was home, with her, with the kids, he’d come back to her. Those hands, she thought, as they started stealing her train of thought, those talented hands that completely wrecked her at every touch. So gentle yet so strong, so powerful yet so erotic.

“Don’t think love, just feel.” He murmured as his lips journeyed closer to her pussy. She was so wet for him, practically dripping with need, a need she only had for him.

He sat comfortably, and moved her feet to rest on his shoulders, spreading his hands along her inner thighs opening them wide. He would feast on her until she lost her mind. He had every intention of completely wrecking her.

He heard her breath quicken as his fingers trailed dangerously close to her pussy, brushed a knuckle over her mound without dipping in yet, he wanted her begging. He let his hands wander to cup her breasts, fingers toying with her nipples until the hard buds could be gently pinched. The tiny sounds of pleasure from her lips made him harder and he fought the urge to just pound into her for his own release. Those tiny moans and soft cries as his fingers and tongue ignited a fire across her body. This would be slow and devastating, just what she needed.

His knuckles brushed along her soaked pussy and she almost came, the guttural moan making him smile against her thigh. He ghosted his lips over her mound, his hot breath the only contact to her arousal and he felt her tremble.

“Please.” Her hoarse voice cried as she arched off the table. He teased her, repeating the pattern over and over again until her pleas became his name, her moans and gasps begging him to touch her.

He let his finger dip in and slid along her labia, that gentle touch causing her to almost stop breathing as the sensations battered her system. She was on the edge of a mind altering orgasm and he’d held her on that edge for what felt like an eternity, the slow torment completely frying her thoughts. He left her clit alone knowing as soon as he touched it, sucked it, she’d come.

He rested a finger at her entrance and slowly circled it, the pad caressing the swollen and aroused flesh. Her whimpers grew louder as that finger slipped into her to the first knuckle, circle and sink to the second, circle and sink to her core. Her hips tried to arch but he held her firmly as he slowly curled that finger as he withdrew it.

He pulled the tune of arousal from her core with each stroke, each kiss until her whimpering had almost turned to tears. He gradually added a second finger in much the same way as the first and watched her body tense. As he added a third his lips sucked and kissed her clit, a cry of desperation tearing itself from her throat.

He gently pulled her orgasm from her, the deep euphoria thundering through her as she cried out, that clever mouth destroying whatever thought tried to flutter about in her head. That glorious feeling of being taken.

He was painfully hard for her now, his cock straining against his sweats as he tipped her over for another mind blowing release. As she lay there writhing against his fingers and mouth he stood and pulled his sweats down to pool at his feet. He groaned as he stroked himself harder.

She felt him stand, his fingers still destroying her as his mouth travelled up her body. He sucked a nipple into his mouth before biting down gently, the erotic sensation making her hiss. He gently removed his fingers and she whimpered at the sudden emptiness.

“Soon my love.” He murmured as he kissed her neck.

“Please.” She whimpered, her fingers white and her hands gripped the table. “I need you.”

“I know love.” He purred. “And you’ll have all of me in a moment. Let me take you, wreck you.” He took a hold of his cock and rubbed along her wetness, her cries fueling his own need. Her hands left the edge of the table to clutch at him as her body was overwhelmed with sensation. Resting his tip at her entrance he took her hands in his and rested them above her head again.

“Leave them there.” He growled gently and nipped her jaw. His hands trailed over her body as he stood, that towering height only making her feel more aroused. He pressed his tip to her again and felt her pussy grip at it, inviting him to plunge into her. Positioning her feet on his hips he gently pushed her hips out with his hands, fingers trailing her inner thighs.

“Gustaf.” She begged, a full on whimper choked beg, she was beyond desperate for him.

“So beautiful.” He murmured. With small thrusts he tip fucked her, watching her writhe and buck on the end of his cock, the sounds coming from her wanton as she lost herself to him. He’d struggle to stay in control once he was inside her.

He watched her as her release built, thumb traveling down to circle over her clit. She arched and cried out as the contact sent her spiraling, her pleas whispered over and over again. That whisper turned to a scream as he gripped her hips and thrust in deep, filling her completely. Her climax shattered her as he continued, his rhythm slow and devastating.

He was relentless, his cock stretching her, his thumb sending spikes of pleasure through her core, the ocean blue gaze that never left her. Another release crested as her gaze found his, the eye contact too intense. She had no words, just this soul consuming need for him to never stop, to never leave her again.

Over and over he built her climax up and tipped her over the edge, euphoria melting her brain. He saw the look in her eyes now, completely lost to him but tired, she was tiring and he knew there would be tears afterward, he’d been counting on it. It was the stress relief she’d been looking for, the outlet, the explosive release she needed to heal the wounds he’d caused her.

He leaned over her, his elbows either side of her head, fingers caressing her forearms. His kiss was tender, that heartbreaking kindness and love pouring out of him.

“Harder.” She cried, he could hear the tears just below the surface. “Please.” Her desperation real.

“Anything for you love.” He purred and stood. He’d give her what she asked for, he’d give her the world.

He gripped her hips and quickened his pace. Looking down for the moment to watch his cock plunge into her before finding her gaze again.

“Go over love.” He said gently, his thumb drawing circles over her clit. She came hard, pussy throbbing around him as he kept the pace the same. He watched as she came again quickly and another build, each release and rise taking her further and further into delirium.

He fucked her hard now, hips pistoning, the stunning woman beneath him bucking against him.

“Sildie.” He sighed, his own release eminent, he couldn’t hold out anymore, her pussy was destroying his control.

She watched as his climax built. Her gorgeous man, so full of love and kindness. Her thoughts were a mess as he fucked her, his manhood filling her deeply. She felt the soul destroying orgasm surge from her core, one that would tear her apart.

She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t think of anything other than what he was doing to her and the pleasure he gave to her. She screamed his name as it ripped itself from her. Body so taught she could have sworn she snapped her spine. She writhed and bucked as he continued to fuck her hard, the table shaking with each stroke. Her name roared through the apartment as he came, those gentle fingers digging into her hips as he rode out their pleasure.

He lowered himself over her, a gentle kiss as he pried her white knuckled fingers from the edge of the table, drawing her in. The tears had started before she’d realized she was crying. He gently pressed his body against hers while they caught their breath.

“You’re ok love.” He murmured softly. “Did I hurt you?” He asked, letting a hand stroke down her body to soothe her. The shake of her head telling him what he needed to know immediately. He pulled out of her and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Sit up for me.”

As she sat he held her to him and sat back into the dining chair pulling her into his lap. She buried her face in his neck and wept as those strong arms wrapped around her, safe.

“I’m sorry.” She choked as the sobs tore out of her. “The last few weeks...”

“It’s ok. You’re ok, let it out.” He knew it had been building. His shit over the past weeks had affected her deeper than he’d realized at first.

“I’m not ok.” She mumbled. “You left.” She spat, tears falling, uncontrollable sobs bursting out of her. He kissed her head and closed his eyes as he mentally kicked himself again. He should have seen this coming. She’d kept a lid on it for weeks now, giving him the time to collect himself and heal all the while going out of her own mind. “You fucking left and I hate you for it, how it made me feel.” She sobbed and half heartedly punched him in the chest.

“I’m sorry love.” He said quietly into her hair. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way.” His own tears prickled his eyes. He let her cry, he’d let her beat him to a pulp if it made her feel better, let her hate him for it, he fucking deserved every ounce of her anger and grief. He’d left her and it had left its mark.

She clutched to him like a frightened child. The fear of him leaving suddenly very real in her mind. She wept, she sat in his lap and cried until it was all purged.

“I’m sorry love.” He soothed and it was the truth. He couldn’t see her go through this again.

“I know but...” She started, still snuggled into his neck. She didn’t want eye contact, she knew what she’d see. He wouldn’t make her feel guilty but she’d feel it for throwing it in his face. “You left, you left me, you left the kids, and it felt like you’d torn my heart clean out of my chest.” She sniffed and swiped the tears away, angry at herself for falling apart in his arms yet again. “I felt discarded, unwanted, useless, worthless and I know I’m not any of those things but you made me feel them.” She took a breath because she was rambling. “It hurt Gustaf. It fucking hurt and I don’t know how to get past it.” She let the silence hang for a moment. “I can’t do this without you anymore. I need you.”

“I need you too love.” He said quietly. She needed validation, her feelings be heard and he was listening. He’d caused this, the ripple of Ana’s toxicity that he’d not seen, not stopped, not protected her from.

She sat up and looked at him and trailed a finger down his jaw. “I thought you weren’t coming back. I thought I’d lost you when I couldn’t reach you. Nothing I said or did was reaching you and I thought... I can’t lose you as well.” She looked at those Nordic blue eyes she loved and saw the emotion in them, the pain. She knew this would hurt him and didn’t want that, but her feelings were just as valid. “It killed me inside when you left. Almost as much as it killed me when Quinn...” She sobbed, leaning her head against his. “You’re everything to me, to the kids and you left like it didn’t mean shit.” Her hand stroked his cheek and she kissed him tenderly.

“I’m sorry love.” Gustaf said gently. “I’ll keep saying it every day because I can’t do this without you either. I feel like shit that I hurt you, made you feel like you weren’t important to me. Because you are, I need you, I need you like my next breath and knowing that I’ve hurt you... that I’m responsible for...” He choked up, he couldn’t finish it. “I can’t.” His hands came up to stroke her head, feel that molten copper between his fingers. “I can’t even start to think about how to fix it, to make it better, to make it right. I’m trying, I’m fucking trying because I can’t lose you.” He said and looked at her, those glacial blue eyes so full of pain, pain he’d caused. “I want you, just you, the kids. I can’t lose you.”

“I know.” She said softly. “I can’t lose you either. I didn’t mean to drag this down on our heads today but I couldn’t keep it in anymore.” She said and toyed with the hair at his chest. She felt a little stupid how it had flooded out of her. Stupid but relieved.

“And you shouldn’t have to.” He kissed her, the love, the apology all mixed in together.

“I did because you weren’t in a good headspace, you’re still not.” She said gently. “Look at me.” She said as his gaze fell away. Only when he looked at her again did she continue. “You’re dealing with a lot love. I know it’s better than before but it’ll take time and many more tears before it’s done for you. I’m not giving up on you, on us. I still want you here, need you here Gustaf, with me with the kids.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted out.” He said quietly.

“If I wanted out love I wouldn’t be sitting here stark fucking naked in your lap after you rocked my world so many times I lost count.” She smiled and kissed him tenderly.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I can’t begin to even explain how sorry I am, there aren’t any words that come close.”

“I know you are, and I’m sorry for falling apart like a needy little bitch.” She huffed. Taking his face in her hands she kissed him, that sweet and tender kiss that always floored him. “I don’t hate you by the way.” She said gently, she’d said some things that were pretty harsh.

“I know you don’t.” He kissed her. He hated himself for making her feel that way though. She didn’t deserve that.

She kissed him sinfully. The emotion swinging the other way in an attempt to calm them both. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Thank you.” She said softly. “For hearing me out.” She added when he looked at her slightly puzzled.

“We ok?” He held his breath, he wanted to be. He wanted everything to get back to normal too but it was all still hanging over them like a dark storm cloud.

“We’re ok love.” Her smile set him at ease. “Sometimes I just need to be heard.”

He kissed her, that slow burn that lingered. “Together.”

“You and me love. Together we’re stronger than her.” Her kiss was that mind altering, cock hardening kiss that never failed to make him groan.

“You want more?” He growled as she rocked against him, somewhat surprised. His hands suddenly urgent on her hips.

“I always want more of you.” She purred. “I can never get enough of feeling you fuck me.” She devoured his mouth, that clever, dangerous mouth.

“What time do I pick the kids up?” He asked as her fingers brushed his shoulders.

“Five.” Her mouth took his again.

“We have time.” He breathed as he looked at the clock above the kitchen table.

“Good because I want you just like this.” She purred and devoured his mouth again. That sinful taste of her kiss, her slender fingers stroking him, he was lost to her already.

“Sildie.” He breathed, his hands gripping the flesh of her ass as she stroked his cock. “My Sildie.”

“I’m all yours love.” She said gently. “I don’t want to be anyone else’s.” It was the truth and he needed to hear it. She knew what she’d just said would weigh on him but it needed to be said. She couldn’t hide things from him, especially her emotions when there was upheaval in their lives. Their relationship wouldn’t be based on lies and deceit.

She kissed him hard as she positioned him at her entrance, hovering until he whimpered, his control nearly snapping. His gaze locked onto hers as she slowly impaled herself, his girth stretching her until he bottomed out. His hands gripped her hips as he struggled, that control slipping further.

“Sildie.” He choked.

“What do you want love?” She murmured, her pussy clenching him, pulsing around him.

“I want you to fuck me.” He growled and devoured her mouth, those destructive fingers tangling into her hair. “Take me, all of me.” His eyes searched hers. “I’m yours Sildie.” He said honestly. “I’ll always be yours.”

Her slight smile before she kissed him made his heart soar. They would be ok.

“All mine.” She whispered as she started to ride him, her hands fanning out against his chest. She rode him hard, the need to feel, to take. She could see his body shake as she undid him. Her man, all hers.

She devoured his mouth, his hands urgently finding her breasts and squeezing. Desperation clawed at him as she blanked his mind. His cock buried deep inside her, the slow hard ride.

“Sildie.” He warned, he couldn’t hold it back. She ground against his pelvis and felt her clit ignite her release. “Go over first love.” He growled and gripped her hips tightly.

“Gustaf.” Her breath hitched as he pulled her onto him as she rode him.

“Let me watch you come.” He breathed. “Look at me.” As soon as her eyes found his her orgasm tore through her. He swallowed her cry as her pussy throbbed around him, sucking him, claiming him.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her to him as he came hard, the euphoria almost making him black out. He kissed her deeply as they caught their breath.

“Fuck me.” He breathed out.

“I think I just did and I’m gonna need a minute if you want to go again.” She giggled which made him laugh.

“After you get the kids. I should be recovered by then.” He smirked.

“Wore you out.” She nipped his bottom lip playfully.

“Ha. You wait till the weekend love then we’ll see who’s worn out.”

She tapped his arm to let her go. “I need to get dressed and go pick the monsters up.”

“I’ll get them.” He said gently, he wouldn’t fight her on it but he wanted to pick them up.

“You... you want to get the kids?” She asked a little taken back.

“If you’re ok with it, I’d like to.” His eyes searched hers and then he kissed her tenderly. “Think about it, doesn’t have to be today.” He knew she liked to chew things over, especially when it involved the kids.

“I’ll think about it. I have to get you signed up with the school and daycare so they know who’s picking them up.” She kissed him softly. “Thank you for today.” She leaned her head against his. “For hearing me out.”

“Anytime love.” He looked at her, those eyes of perfect ice blue. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. We’ll be ok and I feel better after being heard.” She smiled quickly before kissing him sinfully.

“Get up, go get the kids, and I’ll start dinner.” He chuckled, knowing if she kissed him again like that he’d have her on all fours on the table.

She thought about his offer of collecting the kids after school. If he was home and not busy it would be nice for them to come home at three instead of five or later depending on her case load. They could bond with him more too which was always a good thing. She trusted him with them, knew they’d be safe, but there was this guilt. The guilt of they’re her responsibility not his and she was off loading them onto him. “Which is bullshit and you know it.” She huffed. If they were going to be a family these were the things she had to bend on.

With the kids happily chatting in the car she made her way home. Maybe she would ask him to move in. It would be after Christmas though. The rest of this Ana shit had to be calmed down enough for them to both think clearly before that happened.

He tidied up from their coupling, washing the table down with a grin. He loved her, he’d say those fucking words to her too. He’d expected the tears, something had been eating away at her, and she’d held onto it for him, letting him settle after their argument. She was right though, they would be ok.

It was so normal coming through the door. Kids talking, Lily chattering, Gustaf in the kitchen making something that smelled divine. The kids greeted him and went about their after school routine, it just seemed ridiculously normal, but she could get used to it.

“You ready for our getaway?” He asked as she snuggled into him naked and relaxed, the kids finally in bed, the days work done.

“So ready. I want to move past these last few weeks.” She said sleepily.

“Me too love. I’m away Tuesday next week but should be back Wednesday morning.” His finger stroked her hip lazily.

“Leaving Monday night right?”

“Yeah my flights at like 7:20 I think, I can check tomorrow.” He kissed her head and trailed a finger lightly over her back.

“That feels so good.” She mumbled.

“I can make it feel better if you’re not completely wrecked.” He chuckled and was surprised when she lay on top of him.

“You know I’m feeling very hungry for dessert again.” She said with a wicked smile. “No, stay there.” She said as he went to flip them and started kissing her way down his body.

He looked down at his goddess nestled between his thighs, that magic tongue licking him from balls to tip before swirling it around his head and plunging him into her mouth. She had him hard and begging for her to fuck him in moments.

She straddled him and circled his tip at her entrance before slowly sinking down onto him. His hands gripped her hips as she started to ride him, the length and girth of his manhood stroking her most intimate places. She leaned down to take his mouth with hers, to gaze into those ocean eyes and drown, all her stress from their conversation earlier in the day melted away.

She rode him hard, and as her orgasm crashed through her she linked her fingers with his at her hips and bounced, driving him deeper. That was all it took to build her up again and to take him with her as they spiraled into erotic bliss together.

He pulled her down so she lay on top of him, head resting on that expansive chest. His heartbeat, although rather erratic right now, soothed her. Home, she thought, he was her home.

“Sleep now love.” He murmured as those fingers danced lazily over her back in soothing patterns. He held his breath for the plea for him to stay that didn’t come and he smiled kissing her head, she’d moved past it, they could move on.

He waited until she was out cold before rolling her to the mattress and snuggling her in. He lay there awake thinking, of their relationship, of the kids, of their future. One day he thought, one day I’ll marry you. He kissed her head, breathing in that scent that always grounded him and slipped into sleep himself.

*****************

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam

[archanasanjay]

How did we get here?

Our journey to swinger (hotwife, stag/vixen) lifestyle started with an evening walk. We were 1 year into our marriage, Archi and I were talking about our first year as married couple how fast it went and how much we enjoyed. Archi said she wants to interview me on our marriage, I said, well, ok, let’s do it. We sat on a bench in the park, we both didn’t knew how this will go, this was a spontaneous act. I was kind of unprepared neither was she. She asked many questions on likes/dislikes, things that worked & didn’t and finally, she asked about sex life. Until the last part of the interview my big brain and big heart was working/responding to her interview questions, but from the sexual topic onwards the little brain down below took over, I expressed how great our sex life is , how well we synchronize and enjoy sex as if we knew each other for so many years, etc. which was true and I saw her face lit up in excitement and we both were kind of aroused. Then she asked me, out of the blue, “do you have any fantasies?” This caught me totally off guard. Didn’t know how to respond, whether to tell the truth or bullshit. I’m a normal guy with almost all fantasies typical men will have... but wasn’t sure how this would go if I express myself. Knowingly, I asked her, whether she wants the truth and will she not be upset or make a scene. She was as usual, very charming, happy go lucky girl, said go on, try me... I opened up and expressed that I like one of her best friend (she is in India) and I fantasize about her and I also like another her friend in US at that time. As I was expressing I was watching her reaction and notified all positive vibes and nods coming from her. That encouraged me to talk further about swinging, and my fantasy of having sex with one my colleague and her hubby in same room while her hubby has sex with Archi. Archi was ok until then, she got curious, but the concept was new to her, she asked some questions around how that could happen the ethics of it and all, discussion turned little serious, not in a negative way, but more in an educational and understanding way... I knew she liked the idea, she also liked my colleague’s hubby. We both were charged and horny, we walked (almost ran) back home and had great sex. 

After the sex, I opened and shown her few articles and sites about swinging, we both read articles and experiences shared by other couples together. We loved it. Most importantly, she loved it. We immediately, planned a trip to Vegas, and booked ourselves for few swinger parties, we attended those parties and were a passive participants watching others have sex and enjoy.  It was an erotic, open and a secure environment, we both got to talk to so many couples directly and we had great interactions. We came back to our hotel room and again had great sex while talking about our experience.  She okayed us to move forward and find someone with whom we could have fun. 

I registered in few swingers sites and started to find couples, we met a couple online, we interacted over chat and then over few phone calls. We finally agreed to meet for dinner in a neutral city away from where we live, so we don’t run into someone and don’t have to explain who the other couples were etc. we all met for dinner, we had great conversation during dinner, then the wives who were sitting next to us went on to exchange their seats, Archi was sitting next to the other guy while his wife sat next to me. For me, heaven was inches away. In between the dinner girls excused themselves to women’s room and came back and handed over something to me and the other guy. I was surprised, I was having the other lady’s panty in my hand while the other guy was having Archi’s. This pushed both us men over the edge and we immediately asked the waitress for bill while laughing uncontrollably, paid the waitress with good tip and all four of us bolted out of their to the room we had... we had great time, we did everything that we typically see in a video.  We went two rounds, we loved it. We bid farewell in the morning after breakfast.  Archi and I cuddled and slept until noon. From there rest is history...

[radiosteve]

Need Your Loving Tonight Ch. 10

Summary: In celebration of Queen signing to Trident Records, you decide to take them out for the evening.

Note: Hi everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I’m back at school now but I’m going to try and keep my uploads regular. This photo is one that I found on google. I do not own any rights to it. If you want to be added to the taglist send me a message or an ask and I’ll add you!  

Warnings: Language, slight sexual content

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader, John Deacon x Reader

Words: 3.4k+

  November 4, 1972

 By the time October and November rolled around, the boys had amassed a large collection of unrecorded songs. While they had a handful that they managed to record a few months back, they knew that they couldn’t be a proper band without a full-fledged album. So, through a mass of phone calls and encouragement from you, Queen finally signed onto Trident Records. They were reluctant at first, but you managed to help convince them after a while. And in order to celebrate such a big achievement in their music career, offered to take them all out one night.

 “Ok, just remember that we’re having dinner first and then we’re going out to some new dance club. Please make sure Roger dresses appropriately,” you whined into the phone before hearing a small chuckle from the receiver. “Don’t laugh, you know he likes to parade around in some strange outfits,” you were met with another light giggle. 

 “Alright, love. I’ll make sure Roger is dressed to the nines for dinner.”

 “Well it’s not that fancy. Just no jeans or weird hats, you know?” you were well aware of Roger’s unique style and the last thing you wanted was for him to show up under dressed and not be allowed in the restaurant.

 “Got it. No jeans. No weird hats. I’ll tell him, even though he probably won’t listen to me,” a light chuckle followed his words.

 “I’ve got to start getting ready, but I really appreciate it. Thank you so much,” the words fluttered from your lips as you stood up from your seat on the couch.

 “Anytime, Y/n. I’ll see you tonight.”

“I look forward to it. Bye Johnny,” your heart fluttered as you hung up the phone. Even though the two of you nearly kissed back in January, neither of you ever fully addressed it. And while your relationship with John definitely changed as a result, no other moments of revelation or direct intimacy occurred afterwards between you two. But that didn’t stop the sheer number of butterflies that filled your gut whenever he entered the room or spoke to you. Something about him drew you in more and more with each call, conversation, or glance. This feeling was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before, even your feelings for Roger felt very different from this. After hanging up the phone, you walked into your bedroom only to find Sally sitting at the foot of your bed.

 “Hi,” she spoke with a wide, mischievous smile and you could tell that she was acting strange for a reason.

 “What did you do and what are you so smiley about?” you inched closer to the bed, catching a glimpse of fabric sprawled out behind her.

 “Well, I know that you’re taking the boys out tonight to celebrate tonight, and I thought I’d get you a little something to wear,” she pulled the mass of fabric out from behind her, revealing a beautiful maroon velvet dress.

 “Oh my god, it’s amazing but you didn’t not need to buy this for me. I have plenty of other dresses that I can wear to dinner tonight,” your hands went up to stroke the smooth fabric as the words flooded from your lips. 

 “Yeah, I know but this dress is guaranteed to get you laid,” Sally quirked an eyebrow at you to gauge your reaction.

 “Sally! I get plenty of action that you very much. And it is definitely not ok to sleep with one of my best friends,” you rushed out as your cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

 “Oh please, we both know that the last time you shagged anyone was three months ago and that guy was a prick. And don’t try to lie and say that you wouldn’t sleep with John if you got the chance. Plus, you can’t use that as defense when you’ve already slept with of your best friends. Roger, remember?” Sally narrowed her eyes as she continued speaking.

 “John is completely different though. I wouldn’t want it to just be sex with him. I want something more,” you flopped down on the bed next to Sally and she placed the dress on your lap. 

 “Well, one step to getting ‘something more’ is to go to dinner tonight and look hot as fuck,” Sally stood up from your bed and closed your bedroom door behind her. You got up and managed to slide the dress on before admiring it in the mirror. The fabric clung to your skin in all the right places, and the low-cut neckline just made you love it even more. It was the perfect mixture between classy and sexy, and you loved it. You pinned a few pieces of hair back, leaving your hair in a half-up half-down style that suited you very well. Sally stood in the kitchen making a cup of tea as you walked out of your room. 

 “Holy shit, I’m amazing,” Sally spoke as she looked you up and down. “I mean, I really am. I have great taste,” you gave Sally a playful smack on the shoulder before settling on the other side of the counter to face her. 

 “This is all too much, right? The hair, the makeup, the dress. It’s just way too much for a simple celebratory dinner,” you felt nervous just thinking about going out with the boys in this outfit.

 “Stop. Right now, stop it. You look incredible and I can guarantee that the guys will think so too. So, go get your ass out of here and go meet up with them,” Sally pushed you towards the door.

 “Ok, fine,” you shrugged on your fur coat and grabbed your purse from the table by the door before turning back to look at Sally. “Thank you for the dress. I love you,” you opened the door and began to step outside.

 “Yeah, yeah. I love you too, now get out,” Sally gave you a smile as you shut the door and headed for the stairs. You waited in the lobby for a few minutes before a car pulled up in front of the building. Brushing past the building doors into the brisk air, the car door opened, revealing John sitting in the backseat.

 “Brian pulled the short straw and is stuck as the designated driver for the evening. And Freddie called the front seat, so I guess you’re stuck back here with me,” John made room for you as you slid onto the seat next to him. 

 “I suppose it could be worse,” you chuckled as Brian began to drive in the direction of Roger’s apartment.   

 “You look really beautiful,” your cheeks flushed as John leaned over and spoke in your ear. “Not that you don’t always look beautiful. I just mean that you look beautiful on top of how beautiful you normally look,” John turned red as he rambled on, and you let out a small giggle.

 “I understand, John,” his shoulders visibly loosened as the words left your lips. “And thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself.” The car came to a sudden stop and you felt a rush of cold fill the car as Roger flung the door open. You squeezed yourself over to the middle seat of the back row, making room for Roger to fit. 

 “Thanks, love,” Roger croaked out as he sunk into the car’s cloth seat. His fur coat brushed against yours and you reached over to smooth down the material. “Oh, look at that, we match,” you nodded and faced your attention forward. “You pull it off much better than me though. And that dress is rather lovely,” Roger’s words were loud enough to be heard by everyone, but no one seemed to be paying attention. No one except you and John.

 “Thank you, Roger,” you flashed him a small smile before turning back to John. The car ride to the restaurant was filled with music from the radio, Brian and Freddie loudly discussing what songs should be recorded first, and you and John talking about everything and nothing. That was how most of your conversations with John typically went. They flowed so easily as you went from topic to topic. You felt so at ease around him and it was unlike anything you’d ever known before.   

 “Alright, we’re here,” Brian called out from the front seat as he pulled into a parking spot. All five of you piled out of the car, walking in the direction of the main entrance. Brian opened the door for you all as you walked inside. The hostess began gathering menus for you as the group’s table was being prepared.

 “This place looks very nice, Y/n. Well done,” Freddie gave your hand a little squeeze before the hostess led you all back to your table. The table was located in the back of the restaurant, away from the crowded front. It was much quieter and more intimate than the rest of the restaurant. You sat in between Roger and John around the round table, looking over the menu in your hand. The waiter brought a round of drinks before taking everyone’s order and walking away. 

 “A toast,” you raised your glass, catching the attention of the others. “To a record deal and proper management, but more importantly, to the future of Queen,” the boys followed suit and raised their own glasses. 

 “To Queen,” they all spoke before sipping at their drinks. The boys began to gush about new music and recording in a decent studio. The food came out and everyone began to dig in, savoring the delicious food.

 “You really don’t have to pay for all of us, Y/n,” John said lowly after everyone finished eating and the bill was brought to the table. The rest of the boys chimed in, agreeing with John as they pulled out their wallets. 

 “No, no. I invited you all out tonight. This is a celebration for all of you. All I ask is that you don’t forget me when your famous,” you scanned everyone’s face as they chuckled at your words. After laying out enough money for the meal on the table, the five of you all got up to leave. John’s arm looped into yours, directing you towards the exit as a smile graced your lips. 

 Roger walked behind you, noticing the closeness you and John displayed. His heart ached as his eyes trailed down to your interwoven arms. He hated, absolutely hated the way it made him feel. But the worst thing that Roger felt as he watched you grow closer with John over the months was the feeling of helplessness. He knew in his heart that there was nothing he could do to stop you from falling for John. Maybe he could have a few years ago if he had just toughened up and made a move, but no. Instead he chose to be selfish and dumb. He let you, the best thing that ever happened to him, slip away and fall into the arms of his close friend. Roger tried to move on, to let you be happy with who you wanted to be with. To let you choose your own path. But an underlying sensation of jealousy always got in the way. And he knew that as much as he acted like he was over you; Roger would never be able to move on from the way you made him feel. There was only one girl for Roger, he just realized it too late.  

 The drive to the club was short and energetic as you all prepared yourselves for such an animated environment. Freddie was especially excited to relive the energy and passion that flowed through him at nightclubs. Roger helped you out of the car as you tried to slide across the seat. John followed right behind you and watched as you stepped up onto the curb in front of the entranceway. 

 “Wow,” the words left Roger’s lips as he looked towards the long line of people waiting along the building. “I’d hate to ruin the fun sweetheart, but there’s no way we’re getting in here,” Roger looked at you smugly before you brushed past him and walked straight up to the bouncer. 

 “Hello, my name’s Y/n L/n. I should be on the list with four guests,” you pulled your purse further up your arm as the bouncer glanced down at the list in front of him. After a few seconds of flipping through the pages, he pointed at a name on the list in his hands.

“There you are, come on in,” the bouncer opened the velvet rope to the entrance, and you turned back to look at the boys. Roger looked completely dumbfounded as the other three smirked and followed you inside. With deflated shoulders, Roger walked in behind you and immediately stopped, eyeing the sea of people and flashing lights that filled the room. You led them over to a reserved VIP area that was roped off from the rest of the club. After sitting down and ordering a few drinks, Roger came up beside you.

 “How did you… the club… the VIP… how?” he stumbled over his words, clearly impressed but also overwhelmed by the fact that you managed to get into to an exclusive club so easily.

 “I never reveal my secrets, Rog,” you crossed your legs as a waiter handed you your drink. Roger sulked away, pulling his coat off and laying it on the sofa. 

 “You’re not going to tell him that your coworker’s brother owns this place?” Brain scooted closer to you with a glass of water in his hand.

 “Where’s the fun in that?” Brian snorted at you before taking a sip from his glass. You eyed all of them, sitting lamely in a circle around the VIP area. “Alright,” you stood up, slapping your hands against your knees. “This is a club. A place to let loose, enjoy yourself, and have fun. But you four are just sitting around like a bunch of losers. So come on, we’re all going dancing,” you ripped the coat off your shoulders before downing your drink, grabbing Brain’s hand and moving towards the dancefloor. The music blared from the overhead speakers, but you could still hear everything that Brian said. 

 “You know, I’m a much better dancer when I’m drunk,” Brian drifted back and forth to the beat of the music, trying to match the pace of your energetic dancing.

 “Oh, live a little, Bri,” your body moved so fluently, feeling every beat from the music overhead. Freddie and John worked their way through the crowd, meeting your dance moves and reciprocating with some of their own. 

 “Wow look at our little Johnny boy. He can really dance,” Freddie called out over the music, admiring Deaky’s cute little head bobs and spins as he moved towards you. John chuckled at Freddie’s comment and continued to dance. Roger reluctantly moved onto the dancefloor, despite the fact that he wasn’t much of a dancer. He usually went to clubs just to meet women and the only reason he agreed to come out tonight was because of you. A frown adorned Roger’s face as he pushed through the bodies of the club goers, trying to find his bandmates and you. And then something stopped him.

 He saw you. Roger was mesmerized by the way you remained perfectly on beat and how you let the music flow through you. The flashing lights above illuminated the shine of your skin and the curves of your figure. It was like everything stopped except for you and the music. The scene before him brought him back to the few times that he caught you playing on his drum set during practice. You were so enveloped by the music, and somehow, Roger never felt closer to you. He broke from his thoughts and began to stumble over to where everyone else was. 

 “Ah, Roger. So nice of you to finally join us,” Brian quipped, still swaying back and forth to the rhythm.

 “Just got a little lost in the crowd,” Roger mumbled, his eyes looking you up and down as you danced. The songs played on throughout the night and everyone’s dancing, except for Brian, got sloppier with the more drinks that were consumed. Eventually, everything had kind of died down, so Freddie, Brian, and Roger went back to the VIP area to take a break. You and John continued dancing in the crowd, but Roger’s gaze never strayed far from you. He almost managed to lose himself in Freddie and Brian’s conversation, but then the song changed pulling him out of it. Roger recognized the tune but couldn’t quite place the name. But the title of the song definitely wasn’t Roger’s main concern at the moment. What drew Roger in was the fact that the song was slower and more sensual than any of the other songs played at the club tonight. Roger’s eyes darted to you and Deaky as the two of you moved closer together.

 The music played loudly from up above and it was hard not to lose yourself within it. You and John gravitated towards each other, letting the surrounding bodies push you closer and closer as you danced. The waves in his hair bounced whenever he did, making you giggle slightly. John noticed and then proceeded to lock eyes with you.

 “What’s so funny, love?” he leaned in as he spoke, but his eyes never faltering from yours. It almost felt like a tether was pulling you towards him with each passing second. Instead of answering John’s question, you let your body fall into his. Your back pressed against his chest as your hips swayed to the beat. John’s movements matched yours while his hands gently snaked around your waist. You could feel his slightly toned chest rub against your bare shoulders. Your ass brushed against his crotch, igniting the way that you craved for more of his touch. The song continued bumping in the background as every thought in your head was emptied and then refilled with John.

 Eventually he flipped you around, your chest pressed flush against him as you both kept on swaying. Your arms circled around his neck as John’s fell right above your bum. You wished, hoped he would move his hands lower. 

 “John,” you whispered, almost out of breath at the feeling that consumed you. The desire, the intimacy, the want for more. “I really...” but you were cut off by the feeling of John’s lips ghosting over yours. His hands moved that extra distance down to your ass and a wave of relief washed over you at the sensation. The two of you began to lean back in, only to be ripped apart by and unwanted grasp.

 “Come on,” Roger let go of your arm after pulling you away and handed you your coat. Brian and Freddie rushed up behind him, struggling to put on their own jackets. You and John stood in place, completely confused as Brian gave you a sympathetic look. “This club is lame, we should all leave,” Roger started marching towards the door and you struggled to put on your coat while everyone followed behind him. Freddie handed John the jacket that he left in the VIP area as you all exited the club. Brian unlocked the car doors and Roger got in first, taking the seat in the middle of the backseat. You shot John a disappointed look, but he seemed far too embarrassed to even look up from the ground. John got in on the left and you took the right before Brian started the engine and began to drive away.

 Roger’s fingers angrily tapped against his leg throughout the entire car ride and it felt as though it would never end. Everyone remained silent and the only noise that filled the car was the light sounds of the radio. In order to distract yourselves from the amassing tension, everyone seemed to be hyper focused in on the music from the radio. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar first few notes that you realized the song from the club had begun to play on the radio. The whole car froze, avoiding any resemblance of recognition of the song. Roger, who you thought was going to start shaking with rage, leaned up over the center console and turned the radio off, leaving the car to once again fill with silence.

Taglist: @retromusicsalad @bohemiansweede @deaconsroger @queen-crue @ohtheseboysilove @queeniesteiins @kemeryyyy @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ixchel-9275 @luvborhap @ziggyminx @deakysmisfire @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives @briarrose26 @greatdinosaursalad @queendeakyy

[niall-is-my-dream]

Lost Without You - Part Six

2660 words

At 10am the following Monday morning you received a call from Foundation Interior Designs.  Your hands were trembling as you answered the call and you could hardly contain the squeals that were threatening to escape when they offered you the job.

After working your arse off for three years at University you had finally landed one of your dream roles. A few months working in Paris before settling back in London to start your career.

You first called Niall, probably should have been your parents or Jess and Hannah but he was the first person you thought off. Niall as you expected was so excited and told you that he knew you would get it. Asking him to thank Willie for the interview advice, you told him you were going to call your parents and that you would speak to him later. He was about to go into a meeting anyway, so said he would call you when it finished.

Your parents were ecstatic at the news, offering to treat you to lunch when they came down from Nottingham the next day. Your dad had hired a van and they were going to help you move and buy your furniture for the flat above The Cosy Coffee Corner. Although you would be leaving the flat for a few months, you would need it when you got back from Paris in December.

After firing off a message on your group chat with Jess and Hannah asking them to meet you at the cafe in half an hour, you grabbed your purse and headed out. You were excited to tell Audrey your news, she had become an unexpected agony Aunt while you had lived here. Jess and Hannah said they'd meet you there and as you pushed open the door to the cafe you spotted Audrey straight away.

 "Morning Emma, how are you? All set for tomorrow?" She asked.

"Yes my parents are coming down to help. And I got some great news about a job!" 

"Well???!!!" She said eagerly.

"I got the internship in Paris and if that goes well it will extend to the London office as well!"

Audrey went crazy, clapping and cheering as she rounded the counter and pulled you into a hug.

"I knew you could do it, didn't I tell you? Oh Paris!! Think of all the coffee and pastries you can try!"

Typical Audrey thinking about coffee and baked goods, however she had a point. You'd probably have to take up running when you got there. 

You chatted with her about the job and your plans for the flat. Audrey offered to keep an eye on the flat for you while you were gone and to cover the bills for you, but you declined her offer. She had been more than generous when it came to the flat. It was a two bedroom place and she wasn't taking any deposit from you, hadn't made you sign any tenancy agreement and only wanted you to cover the bills, with the rent she had asked for was the same as the studio flats you had been looking at. She had even updated the kitchen and bathroom and put new carpet throughout.

Audrey stayed and chatted with you until Hannah and Jess arrived, excusing herself when they sat down offering to bring some coffees over for you. It was at this point that you decided you wanted to do something special for Audrey. Something to show her that you appreciated having her in your life. You would have to have a think about how to repay her for her kindness. Maybe you could invite her to Paris for the weekend when you were there?

Hannah soon pulled you from your thoughts and you began discussing the job.

"So have you told Niall yet?" She asked.

"Yeah I did, he was really happy for me."

"Where does this leave you guys then?" Jess asked.

"Well we talked on the phone for like two hours Saturday night after I finished work. He is wanting to make us exclusive and wants to see how we go."

"And what do you think, because your face isn't convincing me." Hannah replied.

"Honestly, I thought he was going to end things when he asked to talk to me."

"Do you want to end things with him, because I'm not convinced you want that either."

It was then that Audrey came over with your coffees and some pastries, you swear she was trying to fatten you all up. She left you all to it, sensing that you were in deep conversation about something.

"I'm so confused about everything." You admitted to them. "He's so ridiculously perfect for me but I'm worried about us being apart and getting my heart broken. Should I get out now and save myself or do I risk it and I could end up with something amazing?"

"Do you want me to be honest?" Hannah asked you.

"Yes, tell me what you think. Because I'm so conflicted."

"I was shocked when you said you'd applied for jobs that took you abroad, I was shocked when you started seeing Niall. As badass as I think you are, you are not a risk taker. Going to Paris is completely out of your comfort zone but look how amazing it is going to be. You will learn so much and have an experience to talk to your grandkids about. So take the risk with Niall, see how you go. Your heart can be fixed if it doesn't work out, but I think you'd be fucking stupid to let him go."

You sat there looking at Hannah, someone you had been best friends with for three years and took in the words she had just said.

"What about you Jess?" You asked turning to her.

"Agree with Hannah, take the risk with him. Even if you were staying in London and he wasn't doing all this promo over the world, being with him would still be hard. I think he's worth it, you've been so ridiculously happy since you met him it's sickening." She replied smirking. "And anyway, he's rich you can fly to each other whenever you want."

"I don't want to be seen as using him for money though, I don't expect that sort of thing." 

"He won't think that, that's not you at all!" Hannah replied quickly.

"Ok, well looks like we will be having a long distance relationship." You said.

"It does, doesn't it. I might be too, we should compare notes." Jess added, taking a sip of her coffee.

You tilted your head and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Care to explain?" You asked her smiling.

"Conor and I have been talking since we went to his gig the other week."

"How in the hell have you kept that a secret?!" Hannah almost screeched across the table at her.

"You never keep anything a secret when it comes to guys!" You added.

"Just been texting and getting to know each other slowly. They're in Europe at the moment but are back next week and he's taking me to dinner."

You could tell by her face that she had been desperate to tell you both, but you understood her need to keep it quiet. While Wild Youth weren't as big in the celebrity world as Niall was, they were still well known musicians. 

"Great, I'll be the one alone at home with all her cats while you two are out walking the red carpet at some fancy celebrity award show." Hannah said her forehead pressing into a frown.

You all burst out laughing then, the thought of that seeming ridiculous.

"Niall has some cute friends, I'll play matchmaker if you like?!"

"No, don't want to seem too desperate." She replied.

"Sounds like you are though." Jess added and laughing at the ridiculousness of the conversation.

**********

Building flat pack furniture really was a chore. Your parents had driven down from Nottingham early this morning, collected you from your dorm before heading to Ikea.  You had brought a bed, wardrobes, drawers, a dining table and chairs and a sofa. Your Gran had given you some money and along with some gifted from your parents you had got everything you needed. Everything had been brought back to the flat above The Cosy Coffee Corner, with the sofa and bed being delivered the next day.

After heading into Audreys and getting some take away sandwiches and drinks, you headed up to the flat to eat and begin assembling the furniture. Your Mum was in the kitchen putting away some of the new plates and cutlery when your phone rang. 

"Who's Niall?! He's calling by the way!" She called out to you. "And he's incredibly attractive!" She added, clearly seeing the picture of you both that you had as his caller id.

"He's someone I've been spending time with." You admitted, as you made your way from the bedroom where you'd been building furniture. The call rang out as you hadn't been quick enough to answer it.

"Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?!" She replied.

"Because I'm a terrible daughter!" You laughed as you hit the call button to call him back.

You left the kitchen, choosing to speak to Niall without your Mum listening in. With your Dad busy building the wardrobe in your bedroom, you went into the living room and closed the door.

"Hi Emma." Niall said as he answered the call.

"Hi Niall, sorry I missed your call. I was in the other room building flat packed furniture." You replied smiling.

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good actually. Getting through it all quite quickly."

"I'm done with my meetings so wondered if you wanted me to come over and help?" He asked you.

"You don't have to do that. Go enjoy the rest of your day off."

"I'd enjoy my day better if I was with you."

"If you come over you'd have to meet my parents." You said, your voice low. 

"I don't mind that, unless you don't want me to."

"It's up to you if you want to meet my crazy mother." You replied, making sure she wasn't listening.

"She can't be that bad. You wait till you meet mine!" He said, and you smiled at the thought that he wanted to introduce you to his Mum. "I just really want to see you if I'm honest. I've missed you."

You'd not seen him since he'd left the pub on Friday evening. He had been busy over the weekend and you'd had work and had spent some time packing in preparation for your move today. 

"I've missed you too."

"So, can I come over?"

"Of course, but you'll be set to work if you're not careful."

"I don't mind that, happy to help."

Half an hour later and you saw from the bedroom window Niall's car appear in the car park at the back of the cafe. He looked cute in his shorts and t-shirt, you loved it when he was all casual and comfy. Something about it was so attractive and you weren't sure why.

You could feel your mother's eyes burning into the back of your head as you answered the door to Niall. He smiled and kissed your cheek as he came across the threshold, very tame for him but he had clearly seen your Mum behind you. He offered her a small wave and a greeting as you closed the door.

Niall was a natural with your parents, you could tell that he met new people frequently. He knew exactly what to say to charm your Mum and soon got into helping your Dad finish off building your wardrobe. You could hear them talking about Derby County from the living room and it made you smile. With the furniture built your Mum started to hoover around the flat, tidying up as she went and you went with Niall and your Dad to your dorm.

It felt a bit sad to be loading up the van your Dad had driven down in. In went your desk, your bedside cabinet and your comfy armchair. Along with numerous boxes and bags of clothes. You had already cleaned the bathroom and kitchenette so didn't need to come back anymore to do anything else.

So many memories had been had in this room, from getting ready to go out to the student union with Jess and Hannah. To cramming in all the revision and working on all the projects for your degree. And then there was the time you'd spent with Niall, laying in your bed talking and getting to know one another. The next chapter in your life was going to be scary but you knew it was worth the risk.

**********

Your time with Niall was like a ticking time bomb.

As the first few weeks of August slipped away, you knew it was only a matter of weeks before you would both go your separate ways for 3.5 months.

And you were dreading it.

You had just finished working your last shift in the cafe, your last shift in the pub had been last night. Deciding to give yourself a few weeks off to spend with Niall and your family before you went away. Since your parents and Gran had given you money for your furniture and Audrey hadn't taken a deposit you had some leave way with money and could afford to do it.

The doorbell to your flat sounded a few minutes after you got back and you left the bag half packed as you went to answer it. Jess and Hannah were stood at the entrance with massive grins on their faces.

"I love your boyfriend!" Jess declared.

"I'm aware of that!" You smiled as you ushered them in, their suitcases being pulled along behind them.

When Niall had added you to a WhatsApp group at the beginning of last week, that consisted of him, his cousins and some of his friends you were confused. Until he requested that you add Jess and Hannah. You found out he had booked a ten bedroom villa in Italy, complete with large pool and countryside views and he wanted everyone to be ready Saturday night for a flight.

Jess and Hannah of course had called you screaming and asking if it was a joke. Apparently it wasn't, with him being away for a few months he had wanted to get everyone together for a 5 day break to end the summer. Niall knew he wouldn't see any of them until probably Christmas time, so wanted to spend some quality time with everyone he cared about. He wanted to get to know Hannah and Jess better considering he hadn't even met them yet and he also wanted you to have some company. Niall had said there was no way he would've gone away without you.

Having got about an hour before you needed to be ready to be picked up it surprised you to see the girls here early. Both were incredibly excited and grateful to have been included in the plans. Niall had said it was a no brainer to invite them, the more the merrier and it gave you all an opportunity to celebrate finishing University.

After having a shower, you dressed and finished packing your case. You were nervous to say the least.

When you finally got picked up the lads were full of it, singing songs in the back of the minibus to get into the spirit. The nerves were still there even though Niall had been holding your hand the entire journey to the airport and got significantly worse when you saw the private jet on the run way.

Niall Horan was a truly amazing guy and you were lucky to be able to call him your boyfriend. You couldn't wait to spend some time with him and your friends. 

Part Seven

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188004275828/lost-without-you-part-seven

[serahsanguine]

School, Sex and Subterfuge NC-17

Chapter 8 of?

part one, part Two, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7,  AO3

tagging @today-in-fic @skullsmuldon @foxystarbucks

***************************************

Chapter 8; Christmas Vacation

One Week later: Christmas Vacation.

Scully Residence.

Scully had arrived at her parents’ house a couple of days ago. Missy had come down from Washington, too, after finally securing her flat. Bill was out at sea.

Charlie, Ahab and Maggie went out in search for the best Christmas tree, which left the two sisters discussing what their plans were for the next two weeks. They were both sitting in their bedroom, together on one of the beds.

“We need to get your stuff moved in, Missy.”

“If I actually had anything to move in I would. I sold most of it before taking that trip around the world.”

“Well, whose clever idea was that?” Scully was looking at her sister but her hands were fiddling with the corner of her blanket.

“Mine.”  

Scully rolled her eyes but sighing “Ok, whatever. Then we’ll buy some stuff in the January sales. For now, I’m sure mom has a few items you can have.”

“How’s the college boy been treating you?” Missy changed the subject.

Scully chooses to ignore the question and change the subject completely too.

“Are we still going ice skating later tonight?” Her hand was still fighting with the blanket, her eyes locked at the back corner of the room.

“Yes, we are. But, don’t change the subject. How’s your college boy going?”

“It’s fine,” Scully stood up to walk out of the room but her sister caught her wrist. Spinning her on the spot they were face to face.

“Don’t insult me by lying to me. Something’s up, I can feel it.”

“I’m fine.”

“Dana.” Melisa placed her hands on her sister's shoulders gesturing for her to sit back down on the bed.  “What happened?”

Scully had no choice but to pour her heart out to her sister. She still left the detail about Mulder being her professor.

About ten minutes had passed and during those minutes Scully managed to go from full heart-wrenching tears to only hiccuping between breaths. And during those futile minutes, she had come to the realisation that her sister was right at thanksgiving and she had indeed fallen in love with him. With his smile, his personality, his looks and definitely the sex. The man was built for that particular sport!  When she came to this realization, she also knew it could never be. She had indeed signed a contract to this effect. She knew that as soon as such things as feelings got involved, it would end. She put on a brave face, held her head up high and started getting ready to go ice skating. Leaving Melissa’s questions and protests unanswered. Melissa also knew not to push the subject for now.

Several hours later, Scully was lying on her bed listening to her sister snore. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She should be asleep by then but she just couldn’t. Scully had been thinking about everything that happened in a few short months, and how everything had changed. She could not decide whether this was for the better or not. She sat up and quietly got out of bed fumbling in the dark for her bag, to find her secret stash of cigarettes. She found them with ease and crept down the stairs, tiptoeing each step. She opened the back door trying not to wake anyone up, praying it would not creek.

Scully was finally outside, the air brisk and quite chilly. I should’ve brought a coat, she soon thought, but she didn’t really care enough to get back inside. She leaned her back against the wooden pillar of the outside porch. She opened her pack of cigarettes taking the middle one and placing it the other way round putting it back in the box. Then she grabbed another one and placed it in her mouth. Fishing the lighter out of her pocket, she breathed in a deep lung full of smoke. She placed the lighter beside her and looked up at the stars. Scully could spot all the constellations which was surprising for how much light pollution there was from the city. She let out a puff full of smoke, watching it disappear into the air, mixing with the dark, and the cold. Her body started slowly relaxing.

Her mind focussed on the stars and she remembered when Ahab taught her everything about the stars.

//

Dana was about five, sitting outside, wrapped up in the thickest blanket that her dad could find. It was Christmas Eve and he had surprised her. He wasn’t meant to be coming back that night. But, she had a nightmare, a really scary one, and wandered downstairs to find her mom. And there he was, too, sitting in the living room. He hugged her fiercely. Ahab asked her what was the matter. When she told him, that's when he found a blanket and told her to sit outside. He soon made hot chocolate for them both and sat beside her.

“Look up at the sky, Starbuck. Tell me what you see.”

Dana looked up, staring at the night with its blacks and greys swirling, mixing, colliding.

“I don’t see anything, Daddy.”

“Of course you do, Starbuck. Look really hard.”

She strained her eyes, looking really hard like her daddy told her to.

“I still don’t see anything.”  She placed her empty hot chocolate mug down and wrapped her arms around her chest, angry that she could not see anything.

“You can see the stars.”

Her mom appeared and gave them another blanket, also giving her dad a kiss on the cheek, which made her giggle. Her mom left and she watched her dad as he placed a blanket on the ground gesturing for her to lie down on it with him. And she did so, cuddling into her dad’s chest with a blanket around her, both of them looking upon the stars.

Ahab pointed to Aries, Cetus, Eridanus, Perseus... to which little Dana could not see. But then Ahab pointed to the easier constellations like Fornax, Horologium, Hydrus Triangulum... Little Dana always thought there was magic in the stars and looking beyond that into space.

//

Scully took the last drag of her cigarette smiling at the memory.

“Those things will kill you.”

“Shit, Missy, what the hell?” Scully jumped, startled by her sneaky sister.

Missy sat by her, laughing quietly.

“What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” She stubbed her cigarette out before bending in and putting it in her pocket for the bin.  

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No, I’m ok. Let's go back in. I’m cold and finally ready for sleep”

Christmas Day

Scully was tired and exhausted. That was certainly one tradition she did not like, especially after not sleeping very well. Maggie took everyone to midnight mass, which had ended a couple of minutes ago. Scully couldn’t wait to crawl back into bed and sleep. She felt like a zombie and Missy kept teasing her that she looked like one.

The previous day was spent with the whole Scully clan at the local homeless shelter. She always loved the atmosphere. It was always a positive outlook on life, no matter how bad your living situation was. She helped with the younger ones, playing and singing with them. She later helped out with serving everyone soup and Christmas pudding and cake.

They finally arrived home. Luckily, it was only a short walk. She went straight upstairs and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was asleep, oblivious to the world.

6 hours later;  

Scully woke up in Melisa’s bed, the aroma of Christmas dinner floating in the air. They had not shared a bed since they were little, but there were both far too tired to care the previous night. She sat up slightly, trying not to wake her sleeping sister. She looked at the alarm clock which sat in between the two beds. She groaned inwardly when the clock read 8 AM. The only good thing about getting up early without her sister or brother being awake was she could get a shower and then have a good look at her presents first. So, without any noise, she moved to get some clothes and take a shower.

30 minutes later,

Scully walked into the dining room, and sat down. She was not surprised at the full breakfast spread that was laid out. Her mom never ceased to amaze her, even know. She always likes having the family to dinner. There were croissants and pancakes, fruit, two different types of toast...

“Hi, Starbuck.”

“Hi, Ahab.” She smiled at her father, glad that she could spend some time with him.

“Hope you’re hungry. Your mom seems to be thinking she's feeding the five thousand, again.”

Scully nodded and slightly laughed. Once the table was prepared, her brother and sister appeared, sleep ridden at the table. Maggie finally sat down to join everyone at the table after some persuading from Ahab. Everyone started tucking into the food in front of them and she was in the middle of taking a bite of pancake.

“It’s a shame Bill isn’t here,” Maggie said sympathetically.

“Yeah... a damn shame, isn't it mom?”  Missy replied sarcastically.

Scully choked on her pancake as she bit down a laugh. Missy was right, she loved her brother, but in all honesty, he is an ass and that is never going to change. It was nice not to have him here.

The conversation carried on, changing the subject several times. The food was eaten and the dishes were washed. Soon, everyone was sitting in the living room. It was beautifully decorated with lights. Different coloured tinsel, a modest tree decorated with precision, thought and symmetry. Maggie and Ahab were sitting on the two-seater sofa, Charlie was next to the fireplace, and Missy and her were sitting side by side on the floor, opposite everyone.

Gifts were exchanged then. Scully got some book which she had been after for a little while now but never had the chance to get. Also, some scarves and other bits and bobs. However, the most precious one that was received was the gold bracelet with the words ‘Look upon the stars and you shall see the world, Starbuck.’. It was the most beautiful thing she had seen and she would treasure it forever.

The rest of the day was spent helping to prepare for the Christmas feast which went off without a hitch.  Everyone was full to the brim. There was no room left for dessert and there were plenty of leftovers for the next few days.

All in all, it was a peaceful day spent with family, enjoying each other's company.

*****************************************************

Aspen Ski Resort.

Sam had surprised Mulder by packing his bags and taking him to Aspen Ski Resort. They were meant to be spending the days in California but she wanted to do something nice for him. They had just gotten back from Snowmass, Aspen's largest and most popular ski area, comprising 3,332 acres of skiable terrain. They were both exhausted. They order a hot meal from the resort’s restaurant that should be there within the hour.

They were sitting in the living room both on a chair in front of the open fire. Mulder even though he was on vacation. He was planning the next semester's workload and Sam was reading a book about local painting which they had brought from the museum earlier that week.

He finally finished what he was doing and looked over at her sister. She looked so calm and collected and he certainly enjoyed his ‘little’ surprise. Tomorrow was Christmas, which for this family was a horrible time in past years. Their mom had died when he was twelve and Sam was eight, and a few years later, also on Christmas, their father got arrested for a beating so bad that he was hospitalized several times. From then on they had gone to live with their aunt Becka. She was a lovely woman who helped both him and Sam a lot. Every Christmas they circled a different ski resort. Even while he was in Oxford they still kept the tradition.

“Sam? I don’t think you put sunscreen on. You’re a little red.”

She took her eyes from what she was reading and looked at him.

“I applied plenty, thank you.”

“Maybe you should go look in the mirror,” he said in a teasing tone.

She huffed and the movement of getting up. He knew her legs would certainly be protesting of so much strain after skiing and boarding. He watched her walk over to the mirror with her cotton pyjamas on and her hair in braids. She inspected herself, turning her face side to side before speaking.

“I am not sunburnt, told you!”

Just as she had said so, the bell for the front door had gone off, announcing the arrival of their food.    

“Sometimes, Fox, you have a damn right spooky intuition,” she laughed as she went to pay and collect their food.

He went into the kitchen to go find some plates and cutlery.

“What drink do you want, Sam?” he shouted through the cabin.

“Diet Coke will be fine, thanks,”  she shouted back.

He walked back into the living room carrying everything they needed. Sam was knelt down at the table with the food in front of her.

“Some help would be nice,” he said sarcastically.

“What do you mean? I did help. I got the food which was your whole plan of telling me I had sunburnt.”

“Humm… if you say so—.”

Sam helped serve out the food between them. It was one of the tastiest beef, vegetable stew they had ever tasted. They both polished the plates and even left a little room for cheesecake for dessert.

After dessert was eaten, Sam picked everything up, and said her goodnights. Picking up her book, she headed upstairs to bed. Mulder stood up watching some old Twilight episode that was on tv. An hour or two passed when he started with his secret preparations hoping his sister was well and truly asleep. He got the decorations out of the cupboard under the stairs. With the tinsel and lights and wall decorations hung, he still needed to retrieve the tree, decorate it and place the presents underneath it.

Mulder got the tree off the hiding places and realised he should have either moved it sooner or with help because it was a lot heavier then he realised as he shuffled it across two floors trying not to scrape it or walk into anything when dragging it. About thirty minutes of sweating he finally managed to put the tree where he wanted it. He decorated it with candy canes, barbells, Christmas beads... He even managed to place a star on top.

He finally crawled into bed after lighting the fire in his room. It was about four o’clock in the morning. His head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes. Within seconds, he was gone into the land of slumber.

Christmas Day;

Mulder woke up and shivered, the fire had gone out a little over an hour ago and there was a certain chill to the air. He needed to get up and start on breakfast before heading out to the restaurant where he had booked a reservation for Christmas dinner. He grabbed a quick shower and crept downstairs.

He was going to mix Sam's favourite chocolate chip pancakes. He mixed the butter and poured them into the pan. Not long after the first two were good his sister wandered down and stopped in the second to last step. The look of amazement and pure joy is written on her face was all he needed. It made it all worth it for that one look. He smiled and turned back around and carried on cooking pancakes.

He heard her walk towards him and sit down at the kitchen island.

“How? When? Why?”

He turned around with a smirk. Placing the hot pancakes on a plate in front of her, then placing some on a plate for himself, he turned off the hob and placed the pan on the rack to cool down. Sitting opposite her, he spoke to answer her questions.  

“The lovely lady who owns these little cabins wanted to help out.  I asked her a couple of days ago, and she thought it was sweet that I wanted to decorate it as a surprise for my little sister. She said yes and placed all the decorations in the large hidden cupboard under the stairs. And, to answer the last one… because even though you’re a pain in my butt, I love you. Plus aunt Becka in all her old wisdom made me promise to keep up the tradition of a decorated tree on Christmas day.”

“Thank you.”

She bit into her pancake and a sound of satisfaction filled the room.

With breakfast eaten, presents were opened. Sam got loads of art supplies, a couple of books and some socks. It was time to open some of his. He got Terry Pratchett's new book, the first edition of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. He had no idea how Sam managed to get it but she did. He opened the last present and was a little in shock.

“What is this?"

“Well, big brother, it is pretty self-explanatory, ” she laughed.

“These are two tickets for a getaway for two, place of my choice.” He looked at her like she was an alien eating children. He was a little shocked and surprised.

“But I have no one to go with,” he pouted.

“What about that girl you’re not in love with? ” she replied, sarcastically.  

“I wasn’t in love with her and we're not seeing each other anymore.”

“Your loss then,” she shrugged. She kept looking at him for a couple of minutes. "I still think you should get you head out of your ass and tell her how you feel before she swoops away with a nice college boy. ”

“Sam.”

“Yes?"

“It’s Christmas. ”

“And you're avoiding.”

He went to answer her back but decided no to. After all, she was right. He shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject.

“We should start getting ready or we’re going to be late for our reservations.”

Later that evening.

Sam had gone to sleep and Mulder sat on the small balcony overlooking the lodge and charming village below, with its variety of shops and restaurants. From their cabin, he could see roughly half of the trails there. The grey sky was mixing with the white of the snow, illuminating as far as the eye could see in a luminescent green, almost like an aura for buildings. The place was so tranquil and quiet, he could have easily fallen asleep looking upon this view if it wasn’t so damn cold. Maybe he would come back in the summer.

As he stared into the evening sun his thoughts drifted to Scully. Maybe, one day soon, he could share a cabin with her,  quite possibly this exact one. And, together, they could oversee the town in all its beauty under the summer sunset.

But first, he needed to take his sister's advice, pull his head out of his ass, and apologise to her. Would she even accept the apology? Would she even want to talk to him? If she did want to talk to him, would she want him back?

Sam was right, he was an idiot and he had maybe just lost the best thing he was ever going to have in this life. One thing was for sure: even if she wanted nothing more to do with him, whether it was misplaced jealousy or not, he definitely needed to tell her that Daniel Whatever-his-name was a creep.  He had tried to sleep with her when she was drunk and, if he was a betting man, he would even put money on it not being the first time he had tried to get into her pants. He was losing track of thoughts now. He should really head to bed, lots of snowboarding and sledding to be done tomorrow.  

******************************

2 weeks later.

Scully had an exceptional Christmas Vacation filled with love, joy and surprises all around. Mellissa tried to bring the subject of the mysterious man who Scully had fallen out with at least three more times over the two weeks. Every single time she was shut down.

Just before coming back to college, Scully received an email from Mulder asking her to meet up with him on the second Friday that they were back to school. She hadn’t replied back and she also didn't know if she was going to attend that meeting.

Mulder tried not to think about Scully again. But, each night he ended up alone, he kept thinking about her, more and more each night. He finally decided to extend an olive branch by sending the email, leaving the ball in her court. What she chose to do with that was completely up to her. One of two things were going to happen: she could either hurt him or forgive him.

Scully and Serah had a lengthy talk about what happened that last night they were together. Serah apologised profusely about her actions and promised never to do it again. They were now sat in the dorm room debating what Scully was going to do about Mulder.

Serah was pacing the room, it helped her think.

“You should at least reply, Dana. ”

“Why?”

“You’re miserable without him. ”  

“I am not.” Scully threw her hands against the bed in defence.

“Don’t lie to me. It’s not beckoning on you. ”

“Give me an example of when I have been missing him,” she dared her friend.

“For starters, when you're in the gym and you see him, all sweaty and tuned up. It turns you on. You come back with a certain glow, a certain look and a certain body movement.”

“I do not!”

“Ahh, ahh. No speaking until Serah has unloaded all her wisdom. ”

“A—.”

“Shh! Anyway, also, when we're in his class you can’t help but check him out and get all dreamy-eyed and start daydreaming about it. And, third: I am not putting up with a horny, sad, depressed Dana Katherine Scully any more.”

Serah looked at her and Scully raised her eyebrow in scepticism.

“And, before you say anything… Yes, you are all those three.”

“Hum—.”

“I’m not finished yet.  You were happy with him. Yes, he was a jerk towards you and you both said things you may regret. But he's extending an olive branch. ”

“Yes, I suppose so. ”

“You never know, he might even apologize and say he loves you. ”

“Like that’s ever gonna happen.” Scully laughed it off.

Later that day she sent Mulder an email.  

From: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

To: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Meeting.

Dear Mulder.  

I would like to accept your invitation to meet. I just need a place to do so.

Yours faithfully,

Dana Scully

It did not take long for a reply.

From: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

To: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re:  Re: Meeting.

Dear Scully,

Thank you for accepting my invitation to meet. As we already have a date set of the 27th I thought we could meet at a place of your choice.

Yours faithfully,

Fox Mulder.

It took her a few hours to reply. She didn’t know whether she wanted to meet in his office or somewhere public like their little restaurant. She finally made the decision and messaged him back.

From: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

To: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Meeting.

Dear Mulder,

Your office on the 27th at 8 o'clock. I will meet you there.

Yours Faithfully,

Scully.

No less than five minutes later she received an email which was short in nature and only one word which said 'Agreed'. That one made her smile for the rest of the day.

1 week later;

Friday, 27th January

They were both apprehensive about today's meeting. Scully couldn't focus on her lectures.

On the flip side, Mulder couldn't focus on teaching his lectures either. 7.30 PM and he was pacing his office back and forth. He couldn't still his anxiety and the waiting was unbearable. The ticking of the clock was filling the silence of the room.

Scully was feeling anxious. She didn’t know what he was going to say, she didn’t know how she would respond. She couldn’t sit idle for long so she made her way to his office. Before she knocked she was standing outside his door. Her palms were hot and clammy, her body slightly shaking, her heart rate fast and uneven. She finally knocked on the office door. It wasn’t a loud knock but it wasn’t a timid knock either. She took a deep breath in and he opened the door.

He heard a knock and knew it was her, he was so god damn nervous. He walked over to the door and opened it. There she was, in front of him, in jeans and a t-shirt with Stranger Things written on the front. He smiled knowing how much she liked the program. He moved to allow her to walk in. He closed the door behind him, locking it before sitting in front of her at his desk.

God, she had missed him in his tight t-shirts and hanging low dark jeans. She was sitting in front of him trying to act calm when she was anything but. She had butterflies in her stomach like the first time they had met. His normal hazel eyes were an emerald green. Ok, maybe looking in his eyes is a bad idea. She chose instead to focus on the picture of him and his sister.

There was silence for several minutes, all that could be heard was the ticking clock, the breaths and occasionally the water cooler. Until he spoke.

“I’m sorry, ” he looked at her with pleading eyes. “I didn’t mean to do what I did, or hurt you like that. ”

“You mean use me?” she said calmly.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I just wanted to clear a few things up before we go our separate ways if that's what you wish.”

“Ok, I’m listening. ”

“Your grades won't be affected. If your work is an A-plus, which it normally is, you will be awarded such. Even if the contract does not stand.  I will not purposely fail you so I can see you.” He put on his clean teacher's voice, strong, stern but warm and kind.

“Thank you.”

“The night you were drunk and rang me, that kid Daniel tried sleeping with you and nearly succeeded. I thought I should warn you before he tried again and you get hurt,” he said more softly.

“I can look after myself,” she said defensively and slightly more cold and clipped than she had intended.

This is not going well, he started squirming in his chair. Damn, why is it so hard? I’m just going to tell her.

“If you choose to accept my apology... I would love to start again and take you on a real date. ”

“I…” that was the last thing she expected him to say, she was in shock and lost for words.

She had missed what he said next but the clean “I Love You” cleared through all the fog of her mind and started ringing in her ears. She needed to go, she couldn’t handle this. He just said the words she never expected. She stood up and slammed the door behind her.

Leaving a confused Mulder in her wake.

[blackkudos]

Frenchie Davis

Franchell "Frenchie" Davis (born May 7, 1979) is an American Broadway performer and a soul, dance/electronica, and pop singer. She first came to public attention in 2003 as a contestant on the singing competition show American Idol. Davis began performing in Rent on Broadway soon afterward, and was a member of the cast for four years. In 2011 Davis reached the top 8 on the first season of singing competition The Voice.

Early life and career

Davis was born in Washington, DC and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She graduated from Howard University in 2014 with a Bachelor of Fine Arts.

In the year 2000, she began her performing career in productions of Little Shop of Horrors and Jesus Christ Superstar with the Freilichtspiele Theatre Company in Schwabisch Hall, Germany.

American Idol

Davis was a contestant on the second season of American Idol in 2003, but was disqualified early in the season due to topless photos taken earlier in her career.

According to Davis, she was up-front about her pictures:

"When I first discovered that I had made it to Hollywood and found out I would be competing to get into the top 30 and then later in the top 12, they had given us all this paperwork to fill out, background checks and that whole thing. So when we were doing that I had a discussion with some members of the production staff and I exposed to them a piece of my past; that when I was 19 years old, I took some pictures and that’s not the person I am [anymore]. I wanted to be up-front about it. We talked about it and then nothing happened".

The Idol staff took no action then, but two months later, they decided that Davis's participation would be inappropriate. "They had decided that because American Idol was a family show, that they could not have me on the show because of the pictures I had taken –though they had never seen the pictures," she told EuroWeb. She also added that no one was able to find the pictures in question as the website that featured them had been taken down.

Double-standards controversy

In 2007, revealing pictures of season six American Idol contender Antonella Barba surfaced on the internet, but Barba was kept on the show (though she was voted off shortly afterward). Many drew parallels to Davis's earlier situation. In an interview conducted for The New York Post on Monday, March 5, 2007, Davis said,

"I couldn't help but notice the difference between the manner in which she was dealt with and how I was dealt with.... I think it's fantastic if

Idol

has evolved, and I think it's fantastic she won't have to go through what I went through four years ago … but if the rules have changed, I believe there should be something to make up for the fact that I was humiliated needlessly."

The discrepancy was discussed on talk show The View on March 6, 2007. Co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck argued that the difference was that Davis was paid for her pictures whereas Barba was not. Co-host Rosie O'Donnell disagreed, saying, "I think it's racist. I do... I think it's because she's black". American Idol was also accused of racism by Project Islamic H.O.P.E. activist Najee Ali: "obvious that it's a racial bias... when you have a situation where a black contestant is punished and a similar situation happens to a white contestant and there is no punishment and they're allowed to continue on the show."

Post-Idol career

After American Idol, Davis appeared in the Broadway musical Rent in 2003. She sang the solo in the opening song of Act Two, Seasons of Love, and in ensemble roles such as Mrs. Jefferson (Joanne's mom), a woman with bags, a coat vendor, Mrs. Marquez (Mimi's mom) and others. She also occasionally played the part of Joanne. On June 1, 2005, Davis returned to her previous role in the Broadway production of Rent. Davis had previously announced that she would leave Rent in May 2007, but announced her final performance following a mid-April 2007 show. During the weeks leading up to the April 29 performance of Rent's 10-year reunion, Davis appeared in an iTunes Podcast (Rent: The PodCast). She also joined the original cast for a special encore performance.

In 2004, Davis was cast in the role of Effie in a West Coast-touring production of Dreamgirls, which appeared in Sacramento, San Jose, and Seattle, and later went to the Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera.

From August 3–19, 2007, Davis starred alongside Miche Braden and JMichael in the role of Mahalia Jackson in the Hartford Stage production of Mahalia: A Gospel Musical, written by Tom Stolz and directed by Jeremy B. Cohen.

In 2008, Davis, along with fellow second-season American Idol participants Ruben Studdard and Trenyce Cobbins, starred in the 30th-anniversary national tour of the musical revue Ain't Misbehavin'. The tour ran until May 2009, and was nominated for a Grammy award in the Best Musical Show Album category.

In the fall of 2010, Frenchie was cast in the role of the Fairy Godmother in Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella (Enchanted Edition) at the Berkeley Playhouse, the resident theatre company at the Julia Morgan Center for the Arts in Berkeley, California.

The Voice

In 2011, Davis competed in the first season of reality competition series The Voice. In the first episode, she performed "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry, advancing to the next round as a member of mentor/judge Christina Aguilera's team of 8.

On the May 10 episode, Frenchie competed in a sing off against Tarralyn Ramsey, both singing "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" by Beyoncé. Frenchie won and made it to the next round.

On the June 7 episode, Frenchie performed "When Love Takes Over" by David Guetta and Kelly Rowland. She was told, "You may very well have the strongest voice in this whole competition."

In the next week, it was announced that Frenchie did not win the fan vote from the previous week's performance, which would have allowed her to move on in the competition. However, Aguilera used her own vote to move Frenchie onto The Voice's Elite 8.

On the June 21 episode, featuring the Showdown of the Elite 8, Davis performed "Like a Prayer" by Madonna.

Frenchie Davis was eliminated during the semi-finals, finishing fifth overall. She did, however, join the other members of the final eight contestants of the show: Javier Colon, Dia Frampton, Vicci Martinez, Beverly McClellan, Casey Weston, Xenia and Nakia on a U.S. tour summer 2011.

Post-Voice career

In December 2012, Frenchie starred in the musical God Doesn't Mean You Get To Live Forever at the Baruch Performing Arts Center in New York with legendary pastor Dr. James A. Forbes Jr. and Gregory Charles Royal. In 2014 she made her film debut in the comedy film Dumbbells.

In 2017, Davis starred as Henri in The View UpStairs - an off-Broadway musical about the UpStairs Lounge arson attack that killed 50 patrons of a gay bar in New Orleans. She was also a winner of the Jose Esteban Munoz Award from CLAGS: the Center for LGBTQ Studies (formerly known as Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies) at The Graduate Center, CUNY. The award is given to an LGBTQ Activist who promotes Queer Studies outside of academia.

Recording career

Frenchie is a featured artist in the Tony Moran single "You Are" that was released December 1, 2009, and peaked at number 5 on the Billboard hot clubplay chart. "You Are" was the debut single from Moran's album Mix Magic Music.

On September 4, 2012, Davis released her debut solo single, "Love's Got A Hold On Me". The song peaked at #12 on the Billboard Dance Chart. The song was billed as the first single from an upcoming solo album, Just Frenchie, but the album was not released.

Personal life

Davis possesses a vocal range of Lyric Mezzo-Soprano.

In 2012, Davis came out as bisexual. She continues to be a strong and outspoken advocate for the Bisexual community, LGBTQ Youth and for LGBTQ People of Colour.

In 2013 she was the featured performer at the National LGBTQ Task Force's 25th National Conference on LGBT Equality: Creating Change in Atlanta GA where she explained that she had come out for all of the young LGBT people. "It's so wonderful to see all the young people here. You all are the reason that I chose to be out. Because it is important that you see people in the public eye who are not ashamed of who they are. It is ok to be true to you."

In 2014 Davis created a stir when she spoke out bluntly in response to the verdict in the Shooting of Jordan Davis by Michael Dunn where the jury deadlocked on the charge of first-degree murder, saying "As an LGBT woman of color, I am having an extremely difficult time grasping WHY Matthew Shephard’s life is so much more valuable than Trayvon’s or Jordan’s????!?!?! Help me understand, y’all! Help me understand".

In popular culture

Davis was impersonated by guest host Queen Latifah on the March 8, 2003, episode of sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live; Davis was lampooned for her nude photo scandal, brash attitude and melismatic singing style.

Awards and Recognitions

In June 2017, Davis received the José Esteban Muñoz award from CLAGS: The Center for LGBTQ Studies - an award that is given to individuals who promote Queer Studies in their work or activism. She shared the award alongside Nathan Lee Graham and Wilson Cruz.

[isitgintimeyet]

The Ties That Bind

AO3

Previous

Thanks for reading so far. This is the penultimate chapter in the story.

Thanks for @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and support.

Wee bit of angst... at first

Chapter 31: A Legal Precedent

Professor Callahan : Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?

Elle: Neither.

Professor Callahan: And why’s that?

Elle: I would rather have a client who’s innocent.

Legally Blonde

Jamie said nothing as Isobel drove them across the city to Geneva’s house. He sat still, his jaw clenched in tension, hands splayed on his knees. Isobel did not try to start any conversations. She wasn’t really sure what she could say anyway… nor what she should say to her mother and Geneva, especially if they expected her to ‘choose a side’.

Contemplating the situation, she felt that her best role would be to try to provide a calming and objective influence, much as she did with her students when dealing with hormone-fuelled teenage arguments.

Jamie was also contemplating the situation, but was not as clear as Isobel on his best role. His instinct was to go in all guns blazing, ready to shout and swear at Geneva and her mother, demanding that he be legally recognised as William’s father. He knew, however, that threats and demands would not help here, and could potentially harm his case, should it end up in court.

But there was also a sadness. He had believed that Geneva and her mother would stop the game-playing once William had arrived, that they would understand there were no winners or losers, just everyone wanting the best for the baby. And now, realising that his trust that they would  ‘do the right thing’ had been totally misplaced, he was hurt and, being honest, was annoyed with himself and his naïveté. He had assumed everybody possessed a vein of decency, no matter how deeply hidden. John had tried to counsel him, to get him to seek advice, but he had been sure it would all work out, that there was no need to involve lawyers. And now he was paying the price.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply as Isobel pulled up outside Geneva’s house. Unfolding himself from the confines of Isobel’s Fiat 500, he quickly strode up to the door and pressed the bell. A murmur of voices floated out from the other side of the door before it was opened by Louisa. Geneva was nowhere in sight.

“Jamie.” Louisa acknowledged his presence sternly.

“Louisa, can I come in? I dinna think we want tae be havin’ this conversation in the street.”

Reluctantly, she stepped aside to allow entry into the hallway, but no further.

“I think I made our… that is, Geneva’s position clear over the phone...” Louisa began, before noticing Isobel standing behind Jamie. “Isobel, what are you doing here?”

“I went round to see how Jamie was doing after your, er, news this morning. You can’t expect him not to be affected by it, so I wanted to check he was ok.”

“He was ok? Ok?” Louisa’s voice began to climb in pitch. “It’s not him you should be worried about. He had his chances, plenty of them. Both before and after William’s birth. A father should support his child and the mother. If he can’t, or won’t do that, then he’s no right to be called a father. It’s about honour and decency.”

Jamie had remained silent throughout Louisa’s diatribe, but could no longer hold his tongue.

“God, how can ye talk about decency tae me? I have been nothin’ but decent throughout these months. I’ve treated Geneva with respect, even wi’ the games she’s been playin’. She told me and ma friends that the bairn is mine. So now, what is she sayin’? I’m no’ the father? And that makes her, what? A liar and a fr...” Jamie quickly stopped himself from telling Louisa what he really thought of her daughter. This was not the time or the place.

“That’s right, Mummy. She said that to me too. She can’t just change her mind because it’s not gone the way she hoped!”

Louisa turned angrily to her daughter. “How dare you stick up for him? Where’s your support for your sister? Do you not want her to be happy?”

Isobel opened her mouth to respond as a baby’s cry cut through the air.  

Jamie reached his hands out to Louisa, tears filling his eyes. “Please, Louisa, that’s ma babe, let me see him. Ye canna keep me from him. Let me through.”

Louisa remained motionless, her face like stone.

“Geneva!” Jamie yelled. “Come out here. Let me talk tae ye. Let’s clear this up. Geneva… Geneva!”

Gradually, William’s cries died away. Geneva remained out of sight. Jamie slumped against the wall, not knowing what to say.

Louisa broke the silence. “I think you should go.”

Isobel took his arm. “Come on, Jamie, I’ll see you home.”

Jamie passively let Isobel lead him away. Just outside the house, he paused and turned back to Louisa, framed in the doorway.

He spoke quietly, his eyes blazing, his voice cold with fury. “William is ma son. We all ken that. Geneva has been tryin’ to play me fer months but tae resort tae this… blackmail is what it is. Well, I hope ye’re proud of yer daughter. Ye talk about honour and decency, but the two of ye dinna even ken what the words mean. If ye did ye wouldna even think about depriving that bairn of his father jes’ out of spite. And this isna the end of it, Louisa, I mean it. Get a lawyer. I’ll go tae court if I have tae. What lies will the pair of ye tell under oath, eh?”

*************

Once Isobel and Jamie had left, Claire drifted aimlessly from room to room unable to settle, her mind whirring with all the possible scenarios that could be playing out over at Geneva’s. She was thankful that Isobel was with Jamie, providing a calming influence and hopefully preventing him from doing, or saying, something he would regret.

She opened the door to the recently decorated nursery. It was all there, just waiting for an occupant. The pale wood cot, the matching changing station and wardrobe, and the rocking chair in the corner all stood barren and unused. The set of twinkling fairy lights she had bought that week were still unopened in their packaging. Who knew when that would change now? She sat down on the floor, leaning against the cot’s bars and wept.

The tears were not for herself, as she had not had the opportunity to meet William, to form any bond with him. No, the tears were for Jamie and for William. Jamie had had several months of anticipation, readying himself to be a father, only to have that snatched away from him. And William, unaware though he was, was losing a parent.

Drying her eyes, Claire switched into her practical mode. If they had to go to court, they would. John would give them details of a suitable lawyer and they would win. Surely no Sheriff court would decide in favour of that bitch and her mother.

But until Jamie returned, she needed something to occupy her mind. She suddenly remembered the half stripped bed, and then planned to clean the bathroom.

********

Finally, after thoroughly cleaning the bathroom followed by a much-needed shower, Claire heard Jamie’s key in the front door. She rushed downstairs to meet him. Jamie sat on the bottom step, his face tired and drawn.

“I couldna see him, Claire. I heard him greetin’ but Louisa wouldna let me near him. Geneva didna show herself either. I hope that's due tae shame, but I am no’ holdin’ ma breath on that.”

Claire sat on the step above him. He leant back between her legs and looked up into her eyes, searching for comfort. She stroked his face, her hands gently trying to sooth.

“I’m goin’ tae ring John. He’ll ken what tae do, won’t he, Claire? It’s goin’ tae be alright, isn’t it? It has tae be.”

She brought her face close to his, her curls, still damp from the shower, falling onto his cheeks.

“Of course,” she replied, forcing a bright smile. “It will all work out, you’ll see.”

************

The floor to ceiling windows of the ultra-modern city centre office block afforded magnificent views across the city. However, the spectacle usually went unnoticed by those waiting in the chrome and glass reception area - they tended to be more preoccupied with the legal issues that were about to be discussed (and also the bill that would no doubt swiftly follow).

Jamie and Claire were no exceptions to this, and John took no interest either, having looked upon that view many times before. The three sat together, Jamie in the middle. Claire’s hand rested reassuringly on Jamie’s constantly jiggling knee. Only the chewing of her lower lip gave an indication of her nervousness.

John broke the silence. “You know I’m here as your friend, Jamie. The only lawyer charging his usual hourly rate will be Ned. Don’t be misled by the way he looks, by the way. He’s one of the best in family law. He can be an absolute arse when he needs to be, scares the shit out of other lawyers too.”

“Mr. Fraser? Mr. Gowan will see you now.”

John led the way into a large office dominated by a wall of floor to ceiling windows. The furniture was a light wood throughout. One corner of the office housed a black leather sofa next to a bookshelf full of children’s games. The whole room was bright, airy, and modern.

John warmly greeted the human anachronism seated behind the desk. “Ned, good to see you again. How are you?”

“John, man, I’m champion.” Ned moved from behind his desk to shake Jamie and Claire’s hands.  

A small man, he was dressed in a three piece tweed suit in earthy greens and browns, with a green paisley bow tie. A pocket watch chain dangled across the waistcoat. He in no way resembled a serious lawyer commanding an eye-watering hourly fee, but appeared more of an Edwardian gentleman ready for a spot of shooting or deer stalking across the Scottish moors.

“Mr. Fraser, I’m Ned Gowan, and ye are…?” He addressed Claire.

“I’m Claire Beauchamp, Mr. Gowan”. Claire held out her hand to him.

“Claire is ma girlfriend,” Jamie interjected. “She’s here fer a wee bit o’ moral support, as is John.”

He thought for a moment, then hurriedly carried on talking. “But she wasna ma girlfriend when all this started. That was afore I met her, ye ken.”

Ned smiled politely. “Och, Mr. Fraser, I’m no’ here tae pass judgement on ye or yer choices. Jes’ to sort out any, er, inconveniences from the choices ye may have made.”

Ned returned to his chair and motioned for the others to sit. Ignoring the large computer screen perched on his desk, he rifled through a stack of folders before selecting one and opening it.

“Now, John here has given me, wi’ yer permission, the background tae this, er, situation, but I do have a few questions I need tae ask ye before we agree the next steps. It may become a wee bit personal. I dinna ken if Miss Beauchamp will wish tae hear the details.”

“Thank you for your concern, Mr. Gowan, but I am fully aware of the details. I’ll stay if that’s ok.”

Ned nodded his assent and, unscrewing the cap of his fountain pen, began to make notes.  “Right so, a few questions, Mr. Fraser. Were you in a relationship with Miss Dunsany at the time of the child’s conception?”

“No’ at that time. We had been in a relationship the year before, but I… we… had finished a few months before the, er, conception.” Jamie was unsure how to answer the lawyer’s questions, but decided on a formal response.

“Mm hmm. But you did have sexual relations with Miss Dunsany around the time of the child’s conception?”

“Aye, we went out for a drink and I… slept wi’ her. But I decided it wouldna work between us and told her so. Then I had nae contact wi’ her until she told me about the bairn two months later.”

“So, at that time, you only had sexual relations once?”

Jamie blushed and studied his hands.

“I shall rephrase that question, Mr. Fraser. You had sexual relations with Miss Dunsany on only one occasion?”

“Aye.”

“And did you use any form of contraception?”

“Geneva, that is Miss Dunsany, told me that she was on the pill. I had nae reason tae doubt her as she’d been on the pill previously.”

“When she informed ye that she was pregnant, did she explicitly state that ye were the father?”

“Aye, she did. She told me straight that the bairn was mine. And she told our friends and her sister that same thing. I can gi’e ye names. I visited the hospital wi’ her.”

Ned finished writing and leant back in his chair. “Why do ye think she has no’ included ye on the birth certificate?”

“Geneva made it clear that she expected us tae become a couple again. When I told her that wouldna happen, she spent the next few months trying tae get us together and fer me and Claire tae break up. As ye can see, we are still together, so I think Geneva has done this tae spite me. She couldna get her own way, and, like a child, she is lashin’ out. Trying tae hurt me.”

“And what do ye want, Mr. Fraser? What are we workin’ towards here? Full custody o’ the child? Shared custody?”

“I want tae be on the birth certificate, I want parental responsibility. I’m no’ looking for full custody, jes’ a fair access tae ma son, wi’ agreed times fer him tae stay wi’ me.”

“A fair ask, Mr. Fraser. I will write tae Miss Dunsany’s lawyer and ask fer a meeting tae agree to a settling o’ this wi’out goin’ tae Sheriff’s court. If that meeting does no’ resolve this issue, we will make it clear that we are prepared tae go tae court, and that there are people willin’ tae testify that she acknowledged ye as the father. And we can remind her that denying this in court could lead tae a separate case against her fer perjury. The court can also demand a DNA test be carried out. But we hope it willna get that far.”

Claire sensed Jamie relax in his seat. She felt a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. There was light at the end of this tunnel.

Ned carried on talking. “Now, if ye are looking tae share the child’s upbringing, her lawyer will no doubt be askin’ for assurance about yer personal life and stability. Which is where ye come in, Miss Beauchamp.” He turned and spoke to Claire directly. “They will be askin’ questions about ye and yer relationship wi’ Mr. Fraser. Are ye currently co-habiting wi’ Mr. Fraser?”

“No…” Claire started to answer.

E“Aye,” Jamie interrupted. “Ye are. I mean it’s not official and ye still have yer flat, but we’re together more than we’re apart. We’ve spent months tiptoeing around Geneva, trying no’ tae upset her, but nae more. I want it tae be official. I ken this is no’ the most romantic place, but ye canna get more reliable witnesses, so what do ye say? I love ye, Sassenach and I ken ye love me. I’ve not planned this like this, but it’s been on ma mind fer months now. I have nae ring...”

Jamie took Claire’s hands in his and knelt beside her chair. “Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, I love ye, I ken I always will. Ye’ve been with me when it’s not always been easy for ye. Ye are the only one fer me and I want tae spend ma life wi’ ye. Truly, ye are more than I could have hoped for and I count ma blessings every day that ye are with me still. Sassenach… will ye marry me?”

Claire stared into Jamie’s deep blue eyes, so hopeful and focused only on her. She tried to speak, but somehow the words wouldn’t come.

“Come now, ma dear,” Ned said encouragingly. “Remember, ye’re still on ma time and I’m chargin’ by the hour.”

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and spilling over onto her cheeks. “Oh, Jamie, yes. Yes I will.”

Jamie reached up and pulled her head down to him, laughing and kissed her tenderly, tasting the salty tears on her cheeks. She held him close, oblivious to Ned and John watching with some amusement, pleasure and perhaps just a hint of jealousy. Breathing in the scent of Jamie’s hair, a new sensation crept over her, a feeling of unbounded happiness and… home.

[blurry-fics]

Fractured

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Warnings: Mention of injury (nothing graphic)

Word Count: 1809

Request: How about an imagine where Josh gets hurt somehow (doesn't matter) and the reader and his family take care of him. Your blogs amazing btw.-Anon

Author’s Note: Finally some fluff! I know there’s been a lot of angst lately and you guys were asking for some happy stuff, so here it is! I hope you guys like it  💕 also happy Trench release day (technically it’s tomorrow, but it releases at midnight tonight so it’s kind of today!)

“It’s fractured?” you asked, shocked by what you were hearing.

About a week ago, Josh had started complaining that his right leg was bothering him. You both brushed it off at first, just assuming it was sore and the pain would probably go away in a few days. It wasn’t until he finished a 5k and was practically in tears from the pain by the time that he finished that you decided he needed to get it checked out. Now here you were, learning that he had fractured part of his leg.

“Yeah, they’re going to put a cast on it,” Josh explained. “My mom was saying that she wants me to come to their house while I rest for the first few days, so you should get in touch with her.”

You sighed and rubbed your temple, “Ok, I’ll call her while they’re putting the cast on.”

“Thanks, I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said, standing up so that you could hug Josh.

Hugging was a bit awkward with the crutches that he was borrowing, but you managed. He hugged you tightly and rubbed your back to help you calm down a bit.

“I’m going to be ok, don’t worry,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I know you are.”

He gave you one final squeeze before hobbling back off to wherever it was that he needed to be. You were thankful that they had let him come talk to you and let you know what was going on. Now you had to call his mom and figure out what to do.

The phone only rang once before she picked up, evidently she had been anticipating your call.

“Hello, Y/N!”

“Hi, Laura. Josh and I just talked and he mentioned that you wanted him to come and stay with you after he gets his cast.”

“Yes, I don’t want you to be in charge of taking care of him all by yourself. That just isn’t fair to you!”

“Thank you so much for being willing to help me. I was just wondering if you want me to bring anything over for dinner or anything?”

“Oh no, we have everything we need. All you need to bring is Josh and your overnight things. The two of you can stay in Josh’s old room so you don’t have to waste gas driving back and forth.”

“Alright. He’s getting his cast right now, so it shouldn’t be too long until we’re over.”

“Ok, drive safe! We’ll see you soon.”

“Bye, Laura.”

“Bye, dear.”

You hung up the call and immediately opened up your texts. Tyler would want to know what was going on too. Once he was informed, all you had to do was wait for Josh to get his cast on.

Half an hour later, Josh appeared now sporting a bright yellow cast on his leg. The nurses had given him crutches to use when he needed to move, which he was currently using. You stood up and walked over to him, just to make sure that he was getting the hang of walking.

“You doing ok?” you asked, resting a hand lightly on his back.

“Yeah, my leg feels a little better now.”

“That’s good. Do you want me to pull the car around so you don’t have to walk all the way to the parking garage?”

“No, I can make it.”

You sighed, “I shouldn’t have phrased that like you had a choice. Wait here and I’ll go get the car.”

Josh muttered something under his breath, but didn’t protest. You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before walking off to find the car.

Laura had already made the couch up with a variety of pillows and blankets by the time that you and Josh arrived to the house. You helped him over to the couch and made sure that he was adjusted in such a way that allowed his leg to be where it needed to. Once he was settled, you quickly ran your things upstairs and put them in Josh’s old bedroom.

“Do you need anything, Josh?” you asked once you reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Could I have some water?”

“Sure,” you said, but you were promptly stopped by Laura.

“I’ll get it, Y/N. Don’t you worry.”

“Alright,” you shrugged, deciding it wasn’t worth fighting her over.

You walked over and sat down on the other couch, allowing yourself to finally rest now that Josh was healing and out of the hospital. It was nice to have Laura helping you take care of Josh, and you knew it wouldn’t be long before the rest of his family showed up to help as well.

“Y/N?” Josh said.

“Hmm?”

“Will you sit with me?”

You looked over at Josh, who was currently taking up the entirety of the couch.

“Where exactly do you expect me to sit?” you giggled.

He looked from side to side, as if looking for space that would somehow magically appear for you.

“What if I rest my head on your lap?”

“I think I can manage that.”

You got up and helped Josh to sit up without totally disturbing his leg. Once you were comfortably sitting on the couch, he laid back down so that his head was in your lap. He smiled up at you, causing you to smile in return.

“See, is this so bad?”

“I guess not,” you said, brushing a couple strands of his hair out of his face.

Laura walked back into the room, carrying two cups of water and a plate of food for you and Josh. She smiled upon seeing the two of you sitting together on the couch.

“Well, didn’t you manage to find yourself a nice pillow?” she said, handing him the plate of food.

“The best one there is.”

“Thanks,” you said as Laura handed you some water.

“I thought you two might be hungry after your wait at the hospital,” she explained.

“Thanks, Mom,” Josh said, resting the plate on his chest.

Laura walked off again, leaving just you and Josh. You reached over his shoulder and grabbed one of the strawberries. Josh was leaned forward slightly, trying to see what was on the plate.

“Need help?” you smiled.

“Yes, please,” he leaned back and grinned up at you.

“Let’s see, we have some strawberries, raspberries, crackers, and some cheese.”

“Ooh, can I have a raspberry?”

“Sure thing, babe.”

You grabbed a raspberry and went to hand it to Josh, but instead he had opened his mouth and was looking at you expectantly.

“Your leg is injured, not your hand,” you giggled before dropping it into his open mouth.

“Do you really expect me to not milk this as much as possible?” he smiled.

You rolled your eyes and gave him a light pat on the shoulder. He continued to ask you for food, only to make you feed it to him time and time again. The only thing he would do for himself was drink water, but that was only because you had nearly dumped the entire cup of it on him on accident.

You were in the middle of giving Josh another raspberry when the front door swung open. Josh’s dad walked in, followed closely by Jordan.

“Josh! Look at you, man,” Jordan said as he walked into the living room. “Wow, that cast is...bright.”

“I’m supporting the new album!” Josh said, gesturing in the general direction of his hurt leg.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better now that I actually have a cast. Man, that 5k was killer on my leg.”

“Yeah, you’re not really supposed to run on a fractured leg,” Jordan laughed.

“Hey, now I have an excuse to lay on the couch all day,” Josh joked.

“You’re going down at Mario Kart later.”

“You wish.”

The rest of the night went on as normal. Getting Josh to the dinner table had been a bit of a struggle, but Bill had been a big help in getting him off the couch. Laura had cooked up some of Josh’s favorite foods, and you were just thankful that you didn’t have to cook for once. Most of dinner was spent discussing Josh’s injury, although Jordan did occasionally interject with his own stories. Unfortunately, Abigail and Ashley were out of town so you didn’t get to see them.

After dinner, Jordan and Josh decided to play video games for the rest of the night. You played a few rounds here and there, but mostly you just made sure Josh didn’t do anything too stupid and mess up his cast. After all, watching the two brothers trash talk one another as they raced cartoon cars was entertainment enough.

Once they were finally done, you helped Josh upstairs to his room. It was a struggle to get him up the stairs, but with some help from Jordan you made it happen. He collapsed down on his bed and looked over to you.

“Not exactly as nice as our bed back home,” he smiled.

“Yeah, going from a king bed to a twin bed is definitely going to be an experience.”

You stripped out of your sweatshirt and changed into one of Josh’s t-shirts instead. After you finished changing, you tossed Josh his pajamas so that he could get changed on the bed. While he was doing that, you brushed your teeth and washed your face.

Josh had just finished changing into his sweatpants when you walked back into the room. You turned off the light before carefully making your way across the dark room to where his bed was.

“Sorry,” you said as the hand you meant to put on the bed ended up on Josh’s chest instead.

“No worries, it’s the leg you have to look out for,” he laughed.

“Right.”

You crawled under the covers and immediately wrapped yourself around Josh, although that was more because you were trying not to fall off the bed than a desire to be right next to him. You couldn’t complain, though.

“Is your leg comfortable?” you asked.

“Yep. I’m more worried about us sleeping comfortably in this bed.”

“We’ve been through worse.”

“I can’t argue that.”

You adjusted your head slightly on Josh’s shoulder. He reached his arm around you and rested it on your hip.

“Thanks for taking care of me today, it means a lot.”

“Of course, Josh. I love you.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you have to take care of me like you did.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. You turned and leaned so that you could give him a proper kiss.

“I promise I won’t be this much of a pain for the next few weeks.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

“Deal.”

“I love you, Josh.”

“Love you too, Y/N.”

[alliebruns-blog]

The Namibia/Panama Crossings - Man vs Table Mountain, Day 7

Coming back to the real will after being in what was essentially semi-solitary confinement for 5 days was weird. We were all in a sort of daze at the cars and shops and people of Swapkomund. Having a proper shower was the best thing ever. We were all completely exhausted. That night we went out for dinner with the crew and then slept, before getting up and attempting to sort out our filthy, sand and mud covered kit. I would like to apologise to whoever had to clean those rooms. After stuffing it all into bags the best we could, we headed out for the tiny airport and caught a (very delayed) flight to Cape Town, where we would spend one night before attempting the big 3 - Signal Hill , Lions Head  and Table Mountain 

The idea was to see how long it would take us to get up and over all 3 on foot (spoiler - it took me over 5 hours). This time, the victims were just Darren and myself - Dani and Jim made the genius decision to take the time to recover, and handsome Pete had to head home - so apologies for all the rubbish pictures. My personal photographer had better things to do. The idea was to get up early and start the run and then head straight to the airport to catch our flight back to the UK where we would have 6 hours to wait before out flight to Panama. In that time we would have to swap out kit - we had left our Panama kit in the back of Jim’s car at Heathrow. We were going to try and dump the Namibia stuff we wouldn’t use, and pack the essential Panama kit we needed. Hectic right? 

The thing about air travel is that unless you are travelling in business it is NOT conducive to recovery after these huge runs. Every flight is painful. Trying to sleep while your legs ached and pinged, worrying you would not get enough rest to be able to attempt what was coming next. I would go as far as to say the flights were actually part of the challenge. Especially when they hadn't changed the film choices. 

At dinner the night before the run, we discussed the route. We were to head up and over Signal Hill, up and over Lions Head and then up to the top of Table Mountain and get the cable car down. It was over 6,000ft of elevation across 9 miles on very tired legs, up hills with my favourite things in the world on them - ridges. Ridges and drops. I tried to block out this thought by drinking wine. That was the sensible thing to do. 

The next morning Darren and I set off after breakfast, along roads and straight up the worlds longest steps. They weren’t  ACTUALLY the worlds longest, they just felt like it. 

And so it begins......again......

I was already NOT HAVING NICE TIME. There are no proper paths up Signal Hill - you sort of scrabble up and I didn’t like it at all. To be frank, Signal Hill is a bit of a shit show on the edge of Cape Town. There are NO tourists there, loads of littler and it feel like the sort of place I used to go and drink Strongbow when I was 13. I was tired and scared of the ledges that were up ahead of me. Once at the top, there was an amazing view of Lions Head and Table Mountain. As beautiful as it was, I was still bricking it.  I decided there and then I was not going to get too the top of Lions Head - I would be too scared and it wasn’t worth it. It’s important to know your limits, and and I know that getting up there would mean nothing to me except a possible panic attack and having to be rescued. I would go as far as I could, and then loop round and come down. I didn’t need to stand on the top of a tiny rock to prove anything to anyone. 

Signal Hill from the bottom of Lions Head 

Lions Head and table mountain in the background

It was a beautiful day with amazing visibility, and Darren was loving it - he’s a big fan of rocks and ridges - and this just made me feel even more shit. Why couldn’t I be more like him? Why did I have such an issue with drops and ledges? I felt like a total idiot. I felt, once again, like I wasn’t good enough. I let Darren run on ahead of me like a fell goat, and I plodded on feeling like Mr Blobby at a Crossfit session. I tried to take in the views, but at the back of my mind I felt like a bit of a failure. 

Camps Bay from halfway up Lions Head 

Some nice, “technical” trail.....

The trail up to Lions Head starts very friendly and lovely, but soon turns into craggy rocks on the edge of a big hill. There are people coming down towards you as you go up - I hate this - and so I focused on the floor. I imagined all the tourists laughing at me huffing my way up in running gear. Every now and again, I would look up at the view whilst leaning on the solid side of the mountain to avoid the possibility I might throw myself off. It was both mesmerising and terrifying. I probably got about 500 ft from the summit before I stopped and hid on a ledge for a bit. I waited for Darren to come back down for 10 mins, but them decided to make my own way down and head up Table Moutain. I had stupidly run out of water and it was very hot. 

Views alright though......

The trot down was a lot easier - the paths were wider and they were runable but my legs were shattered and running hurt. How the hell was I supposed to do another 300km on them? At the bottom of Lions Head, I crossed the road the saw there was a tap that was dripping water, so I filled up my flasks and started to try and find the trail up Table Mountain. At this point it all looked a bit like the New Forest, and after a few false starts I found the trail that would take me up - and joy of joys it was ALL steps. ARGH! STEPS! 

Table Mountain trails 

I was totally on my own now, and I felt better for it - I could take it at my pace and get on with what I needed to do - and that was get to the top. I could be as slow as I wanted, as long as I got there. This is a reminder that you are the one that judges yourself, and yes it is easier to do that negatively when other people are there, but ultimately you have control over your thoughts. The flora and vegetation were beautiful and I decided to try and enjoy it - and for a little while, I did. 

There were some amazing bushes and flowers and hardly anyone else on the trail. I met a good few lizard friends, some of them bright green and red, some of them blending into the rocks. The path up to Table Mountain is steep - steeper than Snowdon - but loops round, with little waterfalls everywhere and places to sit for a minute. And then the sheer drops start.

Hullo?

Spot the lizard.....

Regular readers of this blog (all 3 of you - hi mum!) will know that I have this stupid fear of heights and drops. I have tried and tried to get over it - most notably last year when I had a near meltdown on Arran. I don't know what it is about them, but I am terrified of big drops, narrow paths and cliff edges. I feel like I am going to either fall down or throw myself off. I have to use my hands to guide me, stare at the rock face and not look down. It’s ridiculous. The thing about being halfway up Table Mountain when the ridges start is you can’t do anything about it - you either get to the top or you go back. And I was NOT going back. Because that would mean looking down. The funny thing is, looking back on this as I write it, the vertical scrambles seemed like the hardest thing the world. They were, on reflection, simply a tasty warm up for what was to come in Panama. 

Some of the ascent featured vertical scrambles up rocks - I used my bands and tried to control my breathing and be nice to all the people coming down the other way. I tried to make funny jokes with them, but my voice sounded weird. I was hungry now - really hungry - and because it had been billed as 9 miles I hadn’t bought anything to eat with me. The hunger and anxiety bought on the shakes. I’m a fucking idiot sometimes. As I turned a corner I could see the cloud was coming in - sweeping the top of the mountain, and I was headed straight for it. Suddenly I heard my name being shouted from behind me - it was Darren. I could have sworn he was in front of me?? He had been doing parkour or some shit at the top of Lions Head, and so WAS actually behind me and he had FOOD! He stopped and checked to see if I was ok (I wasn’t), chucking me a few shot bloks  and a bit of cliff bar (noms) and then trotted off ahead of me - like the fell goat he is. In my head I had thought I was near the summit - turns out I was still an hour away and now I couldn’t see the summit. All I could see was cloud.

Staring up into hell.....

I dealt with the next couple of miles by counting steps, resting when I could and trying to stay calm. I wished I had bought my headphones. Eventually, the vertical scrambles stopped and I realised I was at the top. In the cloud. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face and was convinced I was going to fall off the edge. The top of Table Moutain is of course, flat. I was not going to fall anywhere. There was no edge.

Finally at the top. 

Cloud hiding the imaginary edge 

I followed the path until suddenly the cloud completely cleared and I could see the cafe and cable car at the top. Thank fuck. I had done it - I was there. I met up with Darren and went straight to the cafe for a rehydration beer. I met some of the locals who live at the top of the mountain - the dassies - fun little animals that look like a cross between a gerbil and a beaver. They lounge around on the rocks at the top. They are funny. They are brave. 

Gah! Lassies!

View from the top.....

Cable car down......

What is also funny (or not) is the way I processed what I had just done. I didn’t congratulate myself for getting there, I beat my self up for how long it had taken me and what a total wimp I had been. I managed to take some photos from the top, and did a little ‘positive vibes’ video for the Bad Boy Running lot, but ultimately, my overall feeling was disappointment in myself for not having done it better. I was tired, physically and mentally from the previous week, and possibly (no shit) irrational at this point, but I just felt massively disappointed with myself. I still sort of do. 

We got the cable car down and met up with Jim and Dani who droves us and our sweaty, disgusting selves to the airport. We were due to fly from Cape Town back to Heathrow and I need a shower. BUT there was a water shortage in Cape Town so all the showers at the airport were switched off. The thought of sitting on plane for 10 hours in this state made me want to cry. But superhero Jim to the rescue - he managed to smuggle both me and Darren into the business class lounge for showers and food. 

So that was it - goodbye South Africa. Man Vs Table Mountain is definitely worth doing if you like that wort of thing. Believe me, I will go back and do it again. I will keep doing the things that scare me until they don't scare me anymore. That might mean I am doing them forever, but so be it. 

The plane arrives and I sleep for the full 10 hours home.  Which is good because shit is about to get really, really real. 

Pretending to have a nice time at the top of Table Mountain. 

[warpofthewords]

The reward

The call came at 11am, Theo was in the headteacher’s office.

“It wasn’t mine!” he protested when his mother arrived.

“Immediate suspension while we investigate,” the headteacher responded.

“I want to see it!” Amber insisted.

The headteacher held up a plastic bag with two ready made spliffs inside; “We can call the police if you have any doubt, Mrs Williams.”

“Please don’t,” Amber replied, “what will you do with it?”

“Dispose of it,” the headteacher said, “as to Theodore’s assertion that he was looking after it for a friend, perhaps a search of his room at home will shed light?”

Amber saw Theo’s shoulders sag slightly.  She took him home and found five other spliffs in his room.  He refused to talk.  At a loss, she went downstairs and called his father.

“I should have come to the school!” James exclaimed, “the children are coming to mine tonight, and …”

“The school called me. Look in his room at yours, will you?  See if you find anything. I’ll bring him round this evening,” she ended the call.

There was a knock at the front door.  Orson’s parents, Bill and Delores stood on the threshold. Delores hugged Amber hard.

“We came as soon as Orson told us,” Delores said.

“Could it be a mistake?” asked Bill.

“No.  I found more in his room,” sighed Amber.

“Christ, how are you so together?” responded Bill.

“What will you do?” Delores enquired.

“Well, he’s grounded …”

“No, I mean with it. You don’t want it in your house do you?  We could get rid of it for you.  Flush it down our loo.”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that,” responded Amber.

Later, Amber’s partner Sean rang; she told him everything.

“Jesus!” Sean exclaimed, “how come you are so together?  Do you want me to come round? Look, Amb, you don’t want drugs in your house.  Let me come and take them.  I can chuck them into the Taff on my way home.”

“It’s OK Sean, I’ve got to go to James’ now.”

At James’ house, Theo’s brother and sister made themselves scarce.  Amber sat next to Theo in the kitchen.  James took a seat at the table facing them, rubbing his chin; “Well, this is very serious indeed.  You’ll never make the team now.”

Theo left the room abruptly, tears in his eyes.

“Leave him,” Amber advised as James stood up.

James sat down again.

Keys rattled in the front door and in came Elvira, James’ girlfriend, dressed for the gym, wielding a tupperware box.

“I came as soon as I heard!  I brought homemade cookies.  Oh.  My.  God. Amber.  How are you so together?  I’d be in pieces!”  She put the cookies on the table, “so you found some in his room as well? You don’t want it in your house.  I’ve got a waste disposal unit at mine, I can …” her voice trailed off as she looked at the expression on Amber’s face, “well, I’d best leave you two to discuss,” she planted a kiss on James’ head before leaving, “see you later, gorgeous.”

James and Amber stared at the tupperware container on the table.

James spoke; “She had a point, Amb.  What have you done with the ah … weed?  I uh think it would be best if I took it.  I have a wood burner …”

“James, it’s summer!”

“Quite.  Well,” he stood, “I’m going to talk to my boy alone.”

Amber paused.  From upstairs she could hear; “You’ll never make the team now!  You’ll fail your exams!  You’ve shamed us!  You’ll be expelled!”

She walked out the backdoor and down the path.  Wedging herself between the shed and the high wall at the bottom of the garden, she took one of the spliffs from her pocket and turned it over in her hands.  It wasn’t the years that had tired her, it was the constant activity; the wiping of each snotty nose, the laundering of school uniforms, James’ infidelities, the driving of each child to and from and from and to in all that traffic … The reward was Theo’s transgression and this – she raised the spliff to her lips and lit it.  She closed her eyes and blocked out the distant shouts of James and Theo, instead she focussed on the smoke in her nose and mouth, the soft summer evening sun and the birdsong.

[thegentjimmy]

DJing, performing and loneliness.

I’ve been meaning to write something about this for a few weeks now. Firstly when I started to feel a little depressed again after months of feeling refreshed and reinvigorated. Secondly, after Avicii died and when a lot of my friends dismissed the situation stating “Oh well, his music was shit anyway.” And finally, during mental health awareness week, when I saw loads of people lighting up my social media, the news, and the world with positive messages that it is ok to feel empty, lost and hopeless sometimes, which is important to hear, even if it does start to sometimes get a little repetitive, acceptance is key - and it seems the world has begun to embrace mental health and the benefits of discussing it and being aware of taking care of our mental well-being in our daily lives. 

I’m here to talk about the darker side of my experiences within my job, a job which I love to bits. I get to play music in various forms for a living and I could not be more thankful that this and this alone, mostly pays for my electricity and food and rent. Although it’s not been an easy path, or a quick one - and the route to this situation has been dogged with difficult scenarios, the most difficult of all, constant loneliness. 

When I began DJing I didn’t even consider how much solitude and isolation I was entering myself into. I just loved music. My first residency was at a bar called SOYO in Sheffield - where I would play for 4 or 5 hours on a Sunday night. I’d spend hours all day picking out music for the evening, working on my mixes, downloading, researching, picking through old CD’s and vinyl in every charity shop I could find trying to ensure that my sets were interesting and varied every time - although it often didn’t matter because unless a big group of my friends came down to see me play (which they did quite regularly and I can never thank them enough for that) I would just have the general public mouthing off in my ear about playing more Rihanna and turning my shit soul music off. 

The flyer for my first ever DJ residency. 

My first night at SOYO playing “Mixtape” - I bought all these cassettes for about 5p each in a charity shop and carried them in every week for decoration.

I was also working a “normal” job at the time, in a hotel as a waiter and bar tender. I was offered a second DJ residency and quickly worked out the sums, in two DJ gigs per week, I would be earning more than I would for working 30 hours at the hotel. I took great pleasure in telling my bosses to fuck off on a particularly stretched evening where I was clicked at by a man who hosted celebrity dinners, the particular celebrity this evening was Trigger from Only Fools And Horses. He wanted more champagne. I wanted him to get shat on by a flock of seagulls (the band or a load of angry sea birds) Deciding that was probably not going to happen inside a 3 star hotel, I walked out instead. 

Practicing mixes whilst my housemates and I prepared for a night out on the town, no doubt a few beers in. Ironing board was a great DJ booth.

That was the second to last time that I worked as part of a “team” (there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is an ‘I’ in ‘isolation’) and I’ve only just realised that now, writing this. I threw myself into solitude at work. Not only would I be spending long hours behind the decks picking out records (a lot of which I hated) to try and encourage people to have a good time, slowly honing my craft, earning my stripes - as they say, I would also be on my own during a lot of the day, picking out music for future gigs, emailing people to try and get work, practicing mixes, recording mixes, over and over again to try and prove that I was good enough, chasing up payments that had been promised but never delivered, all the while learning about music history, keeping up with current trends, emerging trends, reading about popular music in all its forms since the pirate radio days of the late 60′s - to 90′s rave and 00′s boy bands, really just attempting to diversify myself as a music collector and human - whilst most of my other friends were at work. And when my friends finished work and invited me out for a pint, for a birthday meal, round to their house to watch a film, or out on a date, I was busy working as many days as I could to make a living doing something that I absolutely adored. And gradually, the invitations stopped coming. And I didn’t even notice. I was obsessed with making playing music, my job. And going out after I finished my job with people that worked in bars and getting pissed because I was so desperate for human interaction. Sadly, a lot of these situations I can’t even remember. There could have been some great ideas discussed, but in all honesty, there probably wasn’t! 

My friend Ben travelled back to the UK from New Zealand. It was the first time I had seen him in 5 years, and I was obviously working. He bought us double rums all night. I was very ill the next morning. 

Playing the backroom at Replica, Sheffield. My remit was “Dubstep and Electro - cooler more underground music.” I was probably playing 50 Cent - Ayo Technology instead.

There was a point around 5 years ago, when I DJ’d every single day for 3 months straight. And because back then I was only just starting out, most of the gigs I did for free or for very little money. I didn’t have time to go and see my friends. I barely saw my housemates, although we did have some incredibly special moments during those years. Then, I took a job teaching - working in a small team of wonderful individuals and my entire outlook on everything changed. I was happier and fulfilled and I didn’t know why. I wasn’t feeling distant as much, even though this was only a temp job and it paid barely enough to afford food for the week. The interactions with other human beings were worth more than the £50 a shift, more invigorating to my happiness than a big bag of chips and a can of dandelion & burdock. 

With the Clothes Line gang - a few Red Stripes in, having a cuddle. 

I left Sheffield in 2014 and then my troubles really began. Now living in Leeds, I was short on work there, so travelled back to Sheffield regularly on the M1, via trains, on the National Express - usually alone. I would then DJ alone, for upwards of 5 hours, and then return home, where I would sleep - wake up alone, spend all day alone as my then girlfriend went to work, finding music, chasing gigs - mind constantly whirring, rarely allowing myself time to see friends, to see family or to relax - there were bills to pay and music was the only way I was going to pay them - and I would make it work. 

Playing indie bangers at Bumper in Liverpool - I caught the train and after the venue closed at 5am, I waited until 8am for the first train home sat on the steps outside Lime St Station. 

I fell into the worst part of my depression after the collapse of two relationships in quick succession - left alone to stew and process that heartbreak and misery for many hours a day as well as the usual non-stop work, travel, work, travel to work, travel work, work and non-stop work, that no-one even noticed that I wasn’t ok, because they were so used to not hearing from me. The assumption was (and still is in many cases) that I was that “funny guy” on their Facebook, that made them laugh or dance when they saw me (probably constantly drunk at this point, because I was absolutely fucking miserable) and not the guy that spent hours and hours on end in bed all day cry-laughing at himself for being a fucking hopeless loser and focussing on all the wrong things in a constant downward spiral of epic proportions. 

First ever designated dressing room at The Leadmill in Sheffield. 

A wonderful doctor friend of mine, Sarah, recognised I was depressed and encouraged me to visit my GP. I was in the GP for all of ten seconds, before I was dismissed with the NHS depression helpline number and told “It’s about a 6 month wait if you want to talk to someone.” Sarah then took it upon herself to ring me every day, even if it was just for 5 minutes - she’s a true credit to the NHS, her profession and a fucking good mate. She rang me every single day, without fail. She encouraged me to form a focus - and I decided to relocate to Manchester for a fresh start and new challenge. 

I’ve since had further help, a course of counselling at which my counsellors immediate opening gambit, when I told her how I was feeling and that I didn’t know why, was to say “Well it sounds like you’re a little bit lonely.” Things clicked pretty fast after that and I realised how important it was to make time to see your loved ones, the very thing I had been missing out on for years. 

Solitary figure playing music after our final year films had been screened at university. Palmed my own Dad off on my friends so I could play music most of the night. 

I’ve spoken to very few musicians, performers and even photographers/videographers/cruise ship dancers/fridge repair technicians that haven’t told me that at some point during their career they’ve not felt lonely - it goes with the territory of being self-employed or working in the arts/entertainment industry. It’s all “smiles for the gram” then smashing in a fucking gram, to forget that you’re fucking miserable and sat on your own most of the time, scrolling through your phone hoping that someone, anyone messages you with a better offer than “do you fancy sitting on the sofa in your pants going over your setlist for tonight again whilst simultaneously listening to 18 shit house remixes of the latest shit house record that you don’t really like but they’re hammering it on daytime radio so you probably better download it - just incase.” 

I’ve started interacting with my DJ pals more and more over the last year or so - and also the bar staff and managers in venues that I work in. Human interaction is hugely important and DJing/photographing/playing live music in bars and clubs can be a very negative environment, particularly when the general public often leave their manners at the door, or on the toilet floor after they’ve smashed in a few lines/tequilas. There’s a whole heap of rejection, huge highs that come out of the blue and big lows that shake you to your core, financially and emotionally - losing gigs sucks, being skint sucks, your favourite venues being forced to close down sucks, realising you’re too old to understand why students like certain songs sucks, being constantly berated and belittled as you just try to do your job on a Saturday night, by drunken wankers that apparently know more about music and the performing of music than you do, yet somehow, they appear to not have been booked to play this particular weekend SUCKS, being used as a cloakroom sucks, having beer spilled all over the thousands of pounds worth of equipment you’ve scrimped and saved for over the years and all over your favourite t-shirt DOUBLY SUCKS and walking out of a bar or club hoping that you’ve done a good job but not really being sure and having to then drive 3 hours home, on your own, via motorway closures, speed restrictions and road kill generally fucking sucks. But you can’t do anything else once that love has gripped you. You will play music until you die, until you breathe your last breath of grotty smoke machine fluid, get your last electric shock from a terrible bashed in plug socket in whatever bashed in, held together with sellotape club/bar you are playing in on the night and float off into the big DJ heaven in the sky, where there is a big sign saying “No morons, no requests, just 100% good music.” It’s in our blood. 

DJing is better with mates. Me and the Clothes Line gang at The Harley, the night we found out that we had been nominated for an exposed award. 

I’ve also found things that help to combat my loneliness at work, and the best ones are as follows. Having a group chat via social media with other DJ’s/Musicians that are working at the same time as you - sending jokes and laughing at other people’s shit requests in a group is wonderful. We also have socials where we all meet in person and laugh at people and their shit requests. And all the DJ in-jokes come out and we sit and make snide remarks like a bunch of gassed up Beyonce’s. Taking time off from weekend gigs, to socialise with friends, family and my amazing supportive and understanding girlfriend (DJ Widow Numero Uno and the best thing that ever happened to me) - I now try and plan my calendar a few weeks/months in advance so I can book these occasions in. Plus it gives you something to look forward to on the weekends/whatever other anti-social hours you are working. Taking time to try and engage with the public when they’re making requests (to a certain extent - I don’t let people take the piss!) cos as before, human interaction (even with drunk strangers that want you to play Cotton Eye Joe because it’s Sharon’s birthday and she’s 45) = Hugely important. 

The SXC Bois DJ massive on a social in Manchester.

Also I’ve very much enjoyed collaborating during music making, or music playing once or twice a month, so I’m not just sat on my own making weird pop music in our back bedroom. Most importantly, taking a bit of time away from music (although it is the second most important thing in my entire life) to engage in other activities. If you’re like me and your entire focus is on one thing and it engulfs your entire existence, it can become a bit exhausting, particularly for your friends who really, REALLY don’t care who you think the next best UK underground trip-hop swing crossover band are going to be, they just don’t care. They want to talk about the football. Go and watch the football. Music/work will be waiting when you get back. 

Collaborating with Duncan Vaughan, performing as Klixz for the first time, February 2018, at The Tuesday Club, Sheffield. 

The invitations aren’t flying in thick and fast, but I think that some of my closer friends have now started to realise that I’m not just constantly busy these days and I do want to see them and socialise and have fun. I always have, I just didn’t make them aware of it very well. And life is busy and sometimes things get in the way of hanging out with one another, but laughing at inappropriate jokes with good friends over a decent cup of tea will always make me happier than playing Darude - Sandstorm to a festival crowd of 2,000 people adorned with glowsticks. Well, it’s kind of 50/50 actually. But you can do both, on the same day, if you’re really clever. 

I hope this advice helps someone, even if it just makes you chuckle thinking about me hiding under my duvet severely depressing having a cry whilst at the same time laughing myself for how pathetic I am. Whether you’re just starting out or years into a career in music - loneliness is a real issue in the music industry and beyond - as if a constant fear of inadequacy, perfectionism, constant rejection, living hand to mouth, threat of going deaf and never being able to hear music again, venues closing and your car insurance premiums rising through the roof isn’t enough to send you over the edge, add in total unabridged loneliness to the bundle and you’ve got an unhappy sandwich soaked in misery dripping right there. But you don’t have to eat it. You always have a choice. 

Fuck loneliness. 

Your pal, 

Jimmy x

Useful links: 

24/7 helpline for musicians suffering with mental health issues:

https://www.musicmindsmatter.org.uk/

Musician meetup - if you’re in a new area and looking for someone to natter about Lou Reed and do a bit of jamming with:

https://www.meetup.com/topics/musicians/?_cookie-check=UiZDil7HvilO41v0

Musician’s Union - fighting for better lives for musicians everyday and a whole host of other useful links and help: 

https://www.musiciansunion.org.uk/

The Samaritans - free phone number 116123 (UK)

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us?gclid=Cj0KCQjwxtPYBRD6ARIsAKs1XJ5sL3-1_5YZp5YtWVhvwwnPIWkzdNs4rqLCMML72ZB6es__6mne5IsaAjnfEALw_wcB

Thanks for reading! <3