#it wasnt even that bad.. i guess im just sensitive when it comes to this

[too-much-boobus]

just freaked out so hard over getting yelled at that i had to stifle a panic attack in the middle of my chem midterm and i was trying to hyperventilate as quietly as possible to not disturb anyone else and was so nauseous i felt like heaving the whole time so i could barely think. fuck my gayass baka life im never getting that hawk tuah now😭😭

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[milalovesmatt]

Can I request a Craig x reader smut if you do smut?

omgg i was waiting for someone to ask me this because i love craig but here u go!omg i made this at 1:00 am so dont blame me if its bad😭 DONT MENTION MY OVERUSE OF EMOJIS💀😭 stop this fanfic wasnt even like that serious sowwy😭this took me and hour🙄🙄THIS IS AGED UPPP

warningg: smut,mentions or masterbating, mentions of whimpering audios,boners,mila being crjnge and using too much emojis,milas 100mil typos,MENTIONS OF SQUIRTING💀💀💀,u riding craig🤭.

im coming over.

pairing: craig x reader

(kinda proofread)

it was a thursday and normally you would wait for the weekend to ask craig for sex or anything but u were so desperate🤭🤭 you actually tried to just masturbate but it didnt work becauseyou couldnt think of any situations or anything. so of course the only thing you could do was just ask him for whimpering audios anyway you know damn well he barely moans DURING sex so what would make you think he would while hes masterbating who knows.

so now ur getting ready for craig until you hear a knock on ur door so yk business in finna go down😈(ew idk why i said that😭) “wait im coming!” “hurry up😡” you then open the door and see craig with a raging boner (BAHAHAHA THATS SO FUNNY TO ME FOR SOME REASON💀💀) “so you couldn’t go one night without me i see” he says with a smirk “omg says u” (he blushes when u say that🤭🤭🤭) “are you gonna come inside or just stand outside like a idiot?” “ugh im coming insde🙄🙄🙄” “soo what did u want do do mama?” (OMG BLUSHING🤭🤭) “you…” THE MAN WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK😱😱😱 “m-comhere sit on my lap😈” (omg forget i used that emoji😭) soo you do as he says because hes so daddy- I MEAN… so like u sit on his hard ass boner and it like kinda genuinely hurts but thats whatever AND U START GRINDING😱😱😱 AND HE STARTS LIKE GRUNTING🤭🤭🤭 “take off ur pants” “no u first im shy😡🤭” “okay weirdo” soo u take off ur pants and like he takes off his and like DAMN IT WA LONG ASF but thats not important… and u start riding this man as if ur life depends on it… “mhmm y/n~” (BAHAHAH SORRY I HAD TO ADD THAT) u speed up the paste and HE STARTS MOANING LIKE A GIRL LMAOLAMO. as ur riding him he puts his fingers around your clit and starts circling his fingers around you sensitive little bud😛😛 as ur still riding him u CLEARLY GET CARRIED AWAY BECAUSE YOU FUCKING SQUIRT ON THIS MAN😱😰 “holy shit that was hot” “w-what ive never done that before” “well do it again sometime😡” “I DONT KNOW HOW I DID IT” “find out👿” “omg i cant stand u” “RUDE🙄” “can we just cuddle pweese🥺🥺” “i guess🙄” “love uuu” “uno reverse” “i hate u” “uno revese”.

[evansbby]

all of part 1 aas my favourite i think because it was the most emotional for me personally.

*im so sorry this is so long i’m just really passionate about poyt5*

Anyway my specific favourite scene of part1 was defo steve’s fight with peter and the aftermath I think because it was so interesting seeing Steve battle with his emotions.Throughout poyt he’s always been so strong and confident and it was really exciting to see him confused and vulnerable.I was so glad Steve automatically assumed it was Peter who initiated the joss and beat the shit out of him because i was worried he would be angry with Omega like how he was when he saw her with Sam in poyt4.It also was so intense watching it all play out and i don’t know how to describe it but it was almost satisfying I guess to finally see Steve lose control(I know that sounds weird but i was literally like “beat his ass steve!”throught the fight)Also Omega absolutely slayed when she spoke up to tell Steve that she wouldn’t forgive him if he killed Peter.I felt like a proud parent.

OMG and when Peter have that big speech??!! I was so shocked I wasn’t expecting it at all(because he was on the brink of death i didn’t think he would’ve had the nerve LOL).And Steves reaction top it all oh my god.Again throughout poyt we’ve only really seen the confident side of steve (apart from poyt4)that’s so sure of himself and it was so refreshing to watch him physically battle his emotions.Also Steve having a panic attack?!?! wasn’t expecting that. Once again loved it because it was so different to the steve were used to seeing AND the way omega comforted him!!I was so proud of her,because that was the first time we’d seen her initiate any physical intimacy because normally she’s too shy!!That was so cute I literally felt my heart melting and when they sat there hugging eachother UGH LOVED IT!!!!!

It also made me giggle when Steve made Omega play that stupid game so he could justify asking her if she loved Peter,he’s so silly.

Now onto the part with Omegas Mom BECAUSE OH MY FUCKING GOD I WASNT EXPECTING THAT.Bestie I’m a sensitive girlie who cries easy you CANNOT do that to me without a warning!!! I was crying so hard bro even after I’d finished reading, as I was trying to fall asleep I was still crying feeling so bad for Omega.I cannot believe the nerve of that woman, she leaves her daughter with a letter she might not have even seen?!? and then attempts to justify her actions by saying “you could always look after yourself better than I ever could”. EXCUSE ME?!?!THATS BECAUSE YOU MADE HER HAVE TO LOOK AFTER HERSELF.Yeah that whole scene at her childhood home was incredibly emotional especially when she mentioned seeing the ghost of her younger self and started screaming after reading the letter(I’m literally tearing up as I type this)I loved steve’s reaction and when he said “we’ll be each-other’s homes”.That was such a beautiful full-circle moment because in the beginning he uses her relationship with her mom to manipulate her into being with him and instead this time he actually tries to comfort her instead of making her feel bad about it.God when she mentioned she’d wanted to die my heart shattered, poor Omega she’s so strong, but I was very proud of Steve I think he did a good job at comforting her.

Another thing I loved that wasn’t a part of part 1 was when they figured out that Steve got her pregnant the first time they got together and he was like “Well you see I told her doctor…” I laughed so hard it was so funny to his old cocky self appear for a moment. OH and when she kissed him and he was like “two months ago you could barley look at me let alone kiss me” I was blushing so hard I genuinely loved that bit like i know it’s a small moment but those are always my favourite. I don’t know how to describe it I was smiling so hard and just felt really warm inside and i was so proud of Omega because of how far she’s come and everything she’s been through.

-⚡️

Thank you so so much for reading!!!

Steve’s panic attack scene was definitely something that I wanted to write since the beginning when I was first thinking about this chapter! I don’t know if I did it justice but I really tried to just write down what I personally felt when I have had panic attacks in the past! It was a bit of a struggle to write that scene bc I didn’t know if I was conveying it well enough! I just wanted to show his slow breakdown at Peter’s words bc you’d never expect an alpha like him to be so affected by Peter’s words.

On to omega’s mom’s letter… I wanted to try and convey like… a nonchalant type of air to it?? Also I love how you mentioned how Steve in the past literally used her lack of a relationship with her mom to manipulate her and now he’s the one comforting her… bc omfg I honestly didn’t even notice that parallel??? But it’s so true!!! It really shows how Steve did change a lot from the guy we first saw!!

And LMFAOOO Steve during the ultrasound appointment 😂😂 just being his smug self. I wouldn’t say that’s his “old” self bc he’s still like that! He’ll always be like that hahaha. Also when he was being awkward with the doctor all like “she’s pregnant so do your thing…” BAHAHAHA (not me chucking at my own shit hahaha)

And you’re right, all the little moments between them were heartwarming and I’m glad you liked those. I tried to sprinkle them throughout the fic bc I wanted to make y’all smile through your tears lol

ily bestie thanks for this fab review!! 🥰💜

[oetscop]

anyway uhhhh im struggling to focus bc my neck hurts like fuck so im gonna talk abt max and dizzy. and like elaborate on the whole "theyre the same person" thing

so max is my truesona right? his name (maxamillion) actually has a personal meaning to me. my whole life ive fought with identity and ive always had this sort of scattered sense of self. a lot of that comes from childhood neglect and housing instability growing up. every time i move or something bad happens i feel like i get splintered off into another jagged piece of myself, and as life goes on the older pieces get eroded away until i cant even remember who that person was.

i dont want it to sound like DID or something, because its not. its very different. these "other people" never exist at the same time as one another or anything like that. sometimes i can kinda call back how i was at those times in a nostalgic imitation sort of way, but like. its still me? i guess? i dont know.

maxxy is kinda based off the sort of shameless open bleeding wound of a person i was at one time. i was loud and wasnt embarrassed by it. i was open with what i enjoyed. i was clingy but oblivious and sometimes unrealistic.

dizzy is sort of like the more "rational" side of myself. he thinks hes smarter than max because he's been hurt more. hes more familiar with rejection sensitive dysphoria and has been through the same sort of really bad relationship and amicable breakup i went through, as well as the fallout that caused my entire friend group to splinter. hes apprehensive and distant and refuses to trust anyone to an unreasonable degree, hence the quotations.

hes perpetually trying to knock max down a peg or snuff him out. he reminds him how annoying he is when hes loud, he constantly tells him that expressing any emotion about a situation is manipulative. a lot of his character comes from the song hope by roar (among others) and specifically the line "if your hearts upon your sleeve, amputate the arm." hes very motivated by revenge.

really he comes from a well intentioned place, but hes also aware that hes being harmful. he thinks its for the best.

and in his defense max isnt a good person either, not entirely. hes terrified of losing people, but instead of growing distant to avoid pain like dizzy, he becomes incredibly clingy. constantly disarming himself and asking what he would have to do to keep someone around. he has no sense of self and is willing to just drop everything for someone. even if they hurt him. hes also insecure and somehow also full of himself.

but like, they are also literally the same person. the same dog, i guess. but they can interact physically with each other. dizzy looks exactly like max, just with mirrored fur patterns and is more desaturated in color. his hair is also like....greasier. and matted. max has really soft hair but dizzy spends most of his time in bed or just at home so he doesnt take care of himself. sometimes max can convince him to let him brush it. they have a very codependent relationship with eachother. well, okay that makes it sound romantic. its more like a symbiosis sort of thing. parasitic perhaps. theyll kill eachother together but theyll die if theyre apart.

it actually started with like..giving max an A/B/NLM sorta thing (since i do that a lot actually! give ocs traits from a specific media i like a lot. one of my other sonas shrinks when hes upset like cassie from dragon tales) but it sorta just became what it is now. idk why?? i still sometimes draw max with a flower on his head tho lol. its hard not to involve that when hes my truesona and care and paul r like........the focal points of my entire identity and sense of self rn lol. but theyre also nothing like max so i scrapped that.

idk this makes liek no sense lololol. theres far more "versions" that i might flesh out in the future? but for now its just the two of em. hooty hoo

[lolita-lollipop]

Hizashi and Aizawa kidnapping a young teenage girl, and her bonding and quickly finding comfort with Hizashi, leaving Aizawa to awkwardly attempt at being super soft and all the more gentle to his sensitive little girl, his heart panging with pain every time she flinches or cowers away from him. “You don’t need to be scared of me, kitten.. please”

your little acts of favoritism weren’t necessarily intentional, you hated both of them. they were your brothers teachers, and whoop dee doo, they kidnapped you. but... you liked hizashi more.

it was just something about him that made you believe he was some form of comfort item, probably because he wasnt brooding, and didnt have a mean face, and he was the first human yud ever seen in this place, that all combined into one and he became your rock, your shoulder to cry on. he was just... so nice, although his quirk was loud, somehow he managed to speak softly with you. it was such a bright contrast to at home where two firey blondes always scream at each other, and your father tries to calm it down.

on your first night ever here, you had tried to jump out the window, and were captured by the thick scarves you once admired, hed lectured you, yelled at yiuu even, all you could see were those red eyes of his, and hear his voice. and he scared you, he scared you so much. i guess it justtranslates to now, first impressions are everything, and to you, he looked like a big scary man who would yell at you.

eventually, you stopped caring about how you hated him, or how you wanted to leave, as you clearly never were. so, instead of glaring at them, or crying, you accepted the fact that he was taking care of you. hizashi, hizashi was taking care of you... aizawa though? no way in hell, he was just so... you'd never seen him with a smile, he never tried to talk to you, he just kinda watched you, and it freaked you out, at some point you started believing he was trying to kill you, don't even ask how you came up with that conclusion.

you just couldn't manage to warm up to hi as you'd done so quickly with hizashi, and it showed. you were always tense when alone with him, like he was going to jump out at you any second and stab you, you didnt talk to him , sometimes you felt so anxious around him that you would outright start crying, shaking in some form of fear, or hide yourself under a blanket. although hizashi was proud that you loved him so much, he knew that this was hurting his husband, that his own little girl was scared of him.

so he would always try to coax you into doing things with him, saying things like "can your papa come and help" or "how about we have papa do this with you while I make lunch?", just trying to get him included so you would feel just as comfortable around him as you were with his own self. Sometimes he just left the room to let you have alone time with him. He’d even lectured his husband about how he always looked angry, and that he has to smile form time to time, and not the creepy “I’m gonna kill a villain” smile.

And so Aizawa started trying, not trying to be like hizashi, even that was too much for him, but trying to be nicer, he was a gentle person when he wanted to be, so this came with ease for him, he would tuck you in at night, read you stories, hold you if you cried, feed you, help you bathe (which you usually liked hizashi to do, and in general, inserted himself as a gentle roger in your life. You would expect taht this would work, that because he was so nice to you, because he was so sweet like hizashi, you would accept him as your father.

But nope! Again, first impressions are everything to you, and now, he was written off as the villain of you story, now, you jsut ran off to papa whenever he was around, and didn’t even give him the chance to hang around you, it just made it worse honestly, because now, not only did he look scary, but he also looked fake, which is never good. Every time he would try to if you, you would clutch onto hizashi for dear life, acting like his hand would do nothing but burn you.

Tears would cloud your vision, and he would pulle back, not wanting to cause you any more pain, and jsut stare in. Pure jealousy at his husband, who cooed and gave you a hug.and guess what? You hugged him back, and hid yourself in his chest, willingly, without a fight, without a tear, instead with a smile, most of the times mic wouldn’t interfere, wbatigg ns this to everyone a safe space for you, a place where you should naturally do things, but sometimes, he would give you little bushes int he right direction. Like disappearing completely for my he house so you’ll be forced to talk to Aizawa.

This is one of those times.

Yo been wandering the house for about ten minutes now, waking up form a nap, to find mic absent from his usual place in the rocking chair at your bedside. It was a little after lunchtime, and they’d only given you a small cup of fruit for breakfast (intentional, from mic), you were fairly hungry, and usually he was there to give you food, but you had no idea where he was, you had heard the… other one on the phone in their shared office, but you did not want to talk to him right now.

Aizawa could tell you were awake by the fact that all of the cats were meowing like crazy, and little pattering footsteps had followed his hearing around, mic had left abruptly, probably some little plan of mischief again, he was hizashi after all. He was just waiting for you to either 1: go back to bed, or 2: come to him for help. Mic had specifically told him to follow these rules for after nap time, so he did. And grew progressively more worried as over twenty minutes, trying to read through his students grading work, too distracted by the urge to go find you to accomplish anything.

His worries dissipated though when he saw your little head poking through the door, cat in hand, confused and tired looking, small tears beginning to prick th corners of your eyes, little sniffling sounds left you. His wha specked up form the desk, you’d given up walking around the whole house, your restarting had slowly pent up, you couldn’t manage to find him, and you were so hungry.

“Oh- hey honey, I didn’t know you were up. Do you need something?” He questioned, smiling intently at you, you just inched back into the door frame, breathing heavier by the moment, your hands shook and your head felt like it was going to explode at any point. Youbcontenoajted runnign back to your room and waiting till mic came out where you could hear him, but your stomach grumbled, reminding you how hungry you really are.

“I’m- im looking for daddy. Where is he.” You spoke, a very hushed tone overtook your words, making them almost inaudible for him. His face sunk slowly, he tougher you were actually gonna come for him, but the he remembered taht patience is key, and that he shouldn’t get mad, because it is t your fault taht you’re just a little sensitive, too fragile to handle more than one attachment, he gets it. He jsut at least wanted you to look at him, instead did your little feet, I’m Ayer if you could meet his eyes the. You would see how much he loves you.

“Oh, he left a. Little while ago. Is there something you need from him? Your papa can give him a call if you want, you could even talk to him!” He exclaimed excitedly, plastering that happy smile across his face to seem more inviting, liek mic had told him to do. He stood out of his chair, rounding up the papers and putting them in his file folders.you tried to sink back furthers, almost disappearing behind the doorway, you shook your head aggressively, almost running off, then yet again, your stomach made another noise, and forced you to stay.

“I- no. I’m- im hungry-“ you spluttered, not caring if it was embarrassing that you were stuttering so much, you just wanted food. And calling mic would just get you a lecture on how you could’ve just asked your papa, the same thing would happen whenever you went to uncnecesary lengths to avoid the man, your daddy would make sure you knew that it made him feel bad, while you’d at there bored. Not caring, at all.

“Oh- well you should’ve told me sooner kitten, if I’d known I would be up already. Cmon, let’s go to the kitchen, your daddy made you some food earlier” he spoke, rising from his chair slowly, you cowered slightly as he walked over, clutching the little kitten right to you for comfort, he mewed and snuggled closer, completely asleep. The man sighed when he saw you backing away from his grasp, he knew you were still scared. But he was just so impatient… he was tired of waiting, he wanted to hold you, even if it was jsut foena few minutes. He needed it feel you there with him.

Is he acted quickly, moving in a matter of seconds, he swooped his arm under your leg, and hooked his other around your torso, pulling you straight up into his grasp. Youu huh froze, his hands felt cold as ice on your skin, like they were burning you, immediately after he started walking, it snapped you out of it and you threw a fit. You dig your fingernails into his skin, and kicked and flailed in a panic, still trying to keep the little kitten in your lap safe. A full blown panic washed over you, clogging all your senses.

The dam holding back tears form your eyes crashed, and immediately you were sobbing, biting at his shoulder to let you go, he tried to rub your back to calm you down a bit, but just made it worse, as his hands felt like living anxiety creeping up and down your spine. He didn’t know what to do, let you ride it out, andkk no possibly have you get sick because of how much your crying in an empty stomach? Or let you down and go straight back to square one.

Your veined felt like pure ice had flooded in them, and it felt liek someone was repeatedly jabbing you in the head with tiny needes, fear was jsut so prominent in your sense, it overcame you, and made you whimper and scream.

“Whoah, breath for me alright? I just want to hold you. I’m not going to hurt you okay? I would never hurt you. Kitten… you don’t have to be scared of me” he spoke, trying to keep a proper computers, he wanted to cry with you, he wasn’t a very soft or emotional man but honestly, he was so upset with himself already, this was jsut pushing him for the edge. You cried, and cried, at some point you weren’t even crying and screaming at him, more with him. He held you close, you’d stopped the struggle almost five minutes ago, letting him hold you. It was odd. It almost felt… nice.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m being stupid again” You alien through your remaining little hiccups, shove my your face into his shirt, smelling the woody scent he carried around with him. He cooed, letting you hide yourself from him, savouring this soft moment was of top priorirty in his head… you jsut looked so sweet, so different from those harsh cries that would sound usually whenever he came around.

Who would think, shouts aizawas hand couldn’t feel nice? The same ones that had just been burning you, the ones that made you scream, felt like a breeze on a spring day, he actually felt warm, he felt like happiness, like contentment.

“No hon, it’s not stupid. Your scared. I know that, we all get scared and it’s not a bad thing, I love you, I really, really love you kitten. Just know that” he continued on with his little speech, leaving down to kiss you in the forehead, Jsut to be suprised when you didn’t flinfh, you were too tired to be scared; and too hungry, plus, he was really warm, the cat had pretty much snuggled up to him already, who says you shouldn’t.

“I- um- I love you… to?” You spoke, more of a question than anything, you’d spent so long Harding him that you didn’t know if you even could love him, it didn’t even feel possible, then again, you litterally cling to hizashi like a koala, and your mental state has relaly said “swoopity swoop” and scattered itself everywhere. Maybe having two comfort items was actually better than one… huh.

“Well, let’s go eat then. All taht crying probably made you tired, I’ll let you watch a movie in my office, you can watch pinto again, I know you love taht one. Cmon, let’s go” he spoke, and started walking again, you cuddled closer to him as he did, smiling slightly at the warmth. Hizashi was very extravagant, exiting, and hyper, this man felt very cool, calm, it was such a dark contrast, but it worked so well. You jsut… you Jsut liked it.

Well… now we’ll just have to wait and see who’s the favorite

———————————————————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was super fun to write and had me feeling super happy when I finished :)

I’m thinking about doing yandere todoroki family asks, because I’m litterally in love with @i-cant-sing one… so, requests are open for those if you want to put them in (please do I’m begging)

Anywho, have the most wonderful to days today! Goodbye!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for the Avengers teaching you how to drive

Avengers x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “hey! if it's not too much to ask... can i request an MCU Avengers headcanon of the team teaching teen!reader how to drive? i'm finally learning how to and it's absolutely terrifying (i really hope this sends properly because firefox crashed while i was trying to write it lol)”

firstly no one was very thrilled to be your teacher because getting in the car with an inexperienced driver just felt like a trap

and although they’d put themselves in much more dangerous situations than this

they all had the same thing to say:

“this is not how i want to go down”

but theyd FORBID anyone else from stepping in

“it’s okay, i’ll do it” -cap

“no, no, no. i dont think the one hundred year old man knows today’s road rules. i should teach y/n” -nat

“natasha, you’ve let me drive you before. was i that bad?” -cap

“im not having this discussion” -nat

“you should let vis do it, he might stay calm while y/n drives” -wanda

“what about sam—” -bucky

“no.” -sam

you were actually quietly watching them bicker about who’d have the honor of teaching you

“i dont let anyone else drive me, y/n. you’re not special. but i’ll give you a cool car when you get your license, deal?” -tony

“i’m not special?” -you

“sure you are kid, i just never want to get in a car that you’re driving is all” -tony, patting your head

“oh, okay” -you

the avengers actually decided that wanda was right and vision was probably the best equipped to teach you

they just had to see if you’d enjoy having him as a teacher

the team set up a little course at HQ with a LOT of cones

“how am i supposed to get around all of those?” -you

“you can use your powers!” -thor

“that’s against the rules!” -you

they had to take some of the cones away :(

all the avengers watched from the side of the course

“now, y/n, you need to shift into drive. press your foot on the brake and move this knob to the ‘D’ position” -vision

“which one is the brake?” -you

“...the left one” -vis

sam was recording on his phone

and had redwing do a bird’s eye view for “special footage”

“this should be good” -sam

as soon as you stepped on the gas, the car went speeding straight forward

sam was laughing his ass off but the rest of the avengers were terrified for you

you hit 6 cones before the brakes

“have some faith in them, guys” -wanda

“i just don’t think that’s possible. you guys okay in there?” -rhodey

“spectacular, thank you for your concern” -vis

you needed to try a different teacher

nat was next in line

“okay, so we probably should have mentioned how sensitive you have to be with the pedals. i know we dont do that on missions, but when you’re on the road, you have to watch all of your surroundings” -nat

she totally brought you straight into traffic because the only way you learn in through intense pressure and real world experience (according to her)

“hands at ten and two, right?” -you

“if that’s what you think” -nat

“that’s not helping” -you

screaming every time you turned

ESPECIALLY left hand turns (or right turns if you are not in the US but this takes place in the US i guess idk it’s whatever you want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

redwing was still following you

everyone was watching the surveillance footage at HQ

“tony, you’re paying for any damages y/n makes, right?” -cap

“is that all im good for? my money?” -tony... “duh, of course i’m paying”

blowing past a red light

“you were supposed to stop” -nat

“what, now?” -you, braking in the middle of the intersection

*honking from all sides*

“what do you think, y/n?” -nat

cap was covering his eyes

“this is a disaster” -wanda

“takes one to know one” -tony, without thinking “oh my god, i’m sorry”

“lets just focus on y/n, maybe we can give them some feedback” -cap

nat made you drive into a parking lot

to park

“okay, just pull in straight. you have to be even in between the lines” -nat

“is that good?” -you

“y/n...you parked directly on top of the line” -nat

“...fuck” -you

next person to teach you was......

“come on, y/n. just go through the drive thru. i’ll pay for your chicken nuggets” -rhodey

“i dont really want chicken nuggets” -you

“fine, okay, you can get whatever you want. just go through the drive thru” -rhodey

you hit the curb

you actually rode the curb

“this is fine” -you

“well...you’re getting better” -rhodey

“dont sugarcoat it, man” -you

“come on! eyes on the road!” -rhodey

steve decided to step in and let you handle the driving on an actual mission

“at least here you’ll have some sort of free reign, that way you can get a better feeling of control when driving” -cap

“we dont like this plan” -all the avengers in the back of this big ass truck

redwing was following ofc

honestly,,,,, that plan wasn’t too bad

you did hit a few trees but this was a heavy duty vehicle

you’d have to do a lot more than that to hurt anything

“hey, this is actually pretty cool! i think ive got the hang of it!” -you

they scheduled you drivers test when you got back, but assured you that it wasnt the end of the world if you failed. you could retake it after some more practice

but you did end up passing it!!!! even tho there were a few mishaps

“mx. l/n, your turn signal” -instructor

“my what?” -you “oh crap”

but you got your license and the team took turns passing it around to take a look at it

“oh man, you look high as a kite. what’s going on with your face???” -tony

“shut up! no i dont!” -you

celebratory dinner!!!!

and sam put together a compilation of all your worst/best moments behind the wheel

“heres the one where they put it in reverse instead of park and started rolling backwards......and thats when they jumped out to try to stop it with their bare hands....oh no!!! they’re going down!!!!” -sam

“oh my god, nooo!” -you, burying your face in your hands

and to top it all off......tony bought you your own car (and got any modifications you wanted)

“i swear to god if you ask for flames on the sides, im donating it” -tony

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie //

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming 

[babysizedfics]

hey! i just wanted to pop by and say that i love your blog loads 🥺🥺 also, i have a question! does roman ever give vee tickles? when they’re big OR small? 💗

aaawW thank u so much for saying so !!

heads up i accidentally made this a ficlet halfway through lol

warning for tickling and teasing

and YES roman tickles vee a lot hsjshdhs you see it on the ic blog quite a lot - if they're hanging out they are actually pretty touchy feely. even when big vee usually ends up in romans lap and he will purposefully be cheeky because he knows roman ends up tickling him as revenge jdhds

just yesterday roman was holding the video game controller out of reach of virgil and fondly teasing him abt being too short to reach it, so vee twisted his septum piercing with his tongue to freak roman out. roman is very grossed out by things easily and dropped the controller to get vee to stop

vee started playing the video game, still sitting in romans lap with a smug smile on his little face... but he was kinda disappointed roman didn't put up more of a (tickle) fight.

so he licked romans cheek

roman freaked out, went to scrub his cheek withm soap, compained on the blog about vee being gross and 'baby snot on his face', then vee just denied it all (purposefully being cheeky to try to get roman to retaliate) until roman started chasing him for revenge

they ended up in virgils room with roman pinning him to the floor. virgil THOUGHT roman was going to lick his cheeks back, but instead roman asked him to admit he did it. virgil denied it and roman started wiggling a finger under his ear

vee squeaked and a giggle escaped

"admit it!" roman demanded

of cours vee knew what would happen if he didnt. so: "no, im innocent!"

then romans other hand circled a finger around the side of his ribs. virgil gasped and started giggling constantly and wriggling under roman

"Last chance, vee-vee!" roman warns with eyebrows raised and a big smile

virgils gigges are squeaky and breathless already, he really is too sensitive for a lot of tickling. but he meets romans eyes for a brief second before they fall shut with another gasp when romans finger brushes a particularly bad tickle spot. "n-no-ho" virgil protests... then he licks his deptum piercing again just to add fuel to the fire

roman cries out in disgust then immediately starts scribbling both his hands quickly over the sides of virgils.

virgil screams and bucks and gasps and blushes so hard

at this point logan appears in the doorway to check what is happening

"h-help, lo-ho" virgil pleads, eyes watering and cheeks aching from laughing so much

"no, don't help Lo!" roman argues, chuckling at vee and kindly slowing his fingers enough to give vee room to breathe between giggles "this is justice for a heinous act!"

logan sniffs in amusement, "well i am not one to stand in the way of justice"

virgils eyes fly open and land on logan "no! pl-hee-he-ease, M-ha-Mama!"

hearing vee call logan mama immediately makes roman stop his fingers, because if vee is starting to regress theres no way he would enjoy such intense tickling

logan steps closer and leans down to better speak to vee. "are you alright, little one?" he asks in a very babytalk voice, then roman stops pinning him and pinches his cheek a little

"hi vee-vee, do you feel tiny?"

and virgil goess BRIGHT RED because he isnt regressing at all, he just used the Mama card to try to get logan to feel sorry for him. he covers his face with his hands and shakes his head and mumbles through his fingers "not little, sorry... just wanted.."

the other two frown. "wanted what, virgil" logan asks.

"do you want me to stop?" roman asks sincerely

virgil wriggles on the floor a little and pulls his hand down from his face enough to chew his thumbnail and reveal one eye and one very pink cheek "no.. just wanted, um... attention" he admits quietly

roman immediately lights up "Ohhhhhh-"

vee whines and covers his face again. roman takes his hands and pulls them away. "let me get this right... did you want more teases?"

vee's silence speaks loudly

"oh my god youre insatiable" roman laughs, but before virgil has time to feel insecure about it roman's fingers start teasing at his ribs again

"i think you have this under control," logan chuckles, then leaves.

"so teasing how tiny you are earier wasn't enough?" roman muses, his fingernails tracing lightly over each individual rib. virgil holds his lips tight to contain a squeal, but it just comes out as a highpitched whimper. "its not enough to just tease how your little arms can't reach when i hold a controller above my head?"

virgil cant respond because one of romans fingers is back under his ear and tickling right under his earlobe and making him titter and squirm

"and i dont think its enough to tease what an itty bitty widdle baby you are, either," roman says in a babytalk voice, laughing when vee whines and tries to hide his red cheeks but then roman pokes his tummy teasingly and vee immediately drops his hands to his tummy protectively. "because we all know what a tiny little cutie you are, with your baby bottles and pacis and your diapers"

"ro-ah!" virgil tried to protest but romans fingers went for the sides of his tummy and all he can do is gasp and wriggle and giggle and hope his cheeks dont catch fire with how much theyre burning

"so i think we'll just stick with teasing you... for how much you love being teased" roman says confidently

"nooo" virgil whines between breathless laughter

"yes, vee-vee" roman laughs. he's drawing little spirals over vee's sides now and it's making vee writhe and squeal

"you love the teases sooo much, how adorable is that, huh?" romans fingers slow down and atart tiptoeing over vee's ribs one by one like theyre stepping stones

vee gasps in a deep breath and lets himself calm down, all while squeaking and smiling so hard

"you pretend to not like it when we tease you for being the shortest, but everytime you get the biggest smile!" romans fingers go up so one wriggles under his ear again and one scribbles at his cheek. vee squeals and shakes his head

"no?!" roman gasps dramatically, "aw, but it's true vee! youre tiny and you love it! and you cant hide it anymore with those cute dimples popping out and your squeaky laughter whenever i hold something out of reach..."

virgils far gone from talking now. he's a flustered giggly mess

"hm and what about how much you love tickles? thats pretty adorable too you know" romans fingers go back to his ribs to circle around slowly and vee instantly curls up, legs bent up to his chest and accidentally trapping romans fingers there

"see!" roman laughs "you love being tickle tickle tickled so much you wont let me take my hands away!" he scribbles his fingers quickly now and vee squeals and rocks on the floor and gasps but his legs still hold romans hands there.

"n-n-no d-doh-ho--"

"no you don't?" roman guesses and virgil nods, eyes squint shut tight with laughter. "yes you do~" roman teases with a sing song babytalk voice. it makes virgils chest feel melty. "you love the tickles vee! Little vee is a little tickly cutie, aren't you?~"

virgil squeaks and gasps. romans fingers slow down and vee breathes through his giggles for a few moments. he's getting to his limit now

"cmon, vee~" roman sings and wiggles his hand sout from between virgils chest and knees. virgil squeals even tho roman wasnt trying to tickle him. roman laughs "if you admit you love teases and tickles then i'll stop"

it takes a couple of minutes for vee to be ready - both because he is so breathless and he keeps getting interrupted by giggle fits even though roman isnt touching him anymore, which just makes roman laugh too - but eventually virgil opens his eyes, squinting past tears of laughter and not bothering to hide his hot cheeks anymore and admits under his breath "i- i um i like being... teased and - and tickled"

"yeah you do" roman agrees with a big smug smile, then he gets up and helps pull vee up from the floor - vee's knees are wobbly and he collapses a little into roman when he is standing and they both laugh and roman keeps an arm around vee's shoulders when they go back to his room to carry on with the video game.

"that wasnt too much, was it?" roman asks a bit meekly after several minute of gameplay.

virgil looks iver to him and sees he refuses to take his eyes off the screen. romans fingers are fidgeting a bit with the controller even though its a cutscene on the screen.

"no," vee whispers, then lets himself wiggle back into romans lap like they'd been before. he looks at the screen as well and breathes deeply when romans arms circle around him. he feels secure and safe in his big brothers lap. "it was perfect" he admits quietly, stroking his fingers over romans arms

[spikedru]

Hi! So first off, your blog is incredible (probs the best buffy blog I have come across so far?) & second, I have gathered you are a spike fan, super curious to hear your thoughts on the terrible episode in season 6 (?) where he tries to r*pe buffy. I feel like everyone tends to ignore the weirdness of season 6 but I really want to explore other folks opinions on it

lmao thank u for enjoying my bullshit <3

it got kinda long so im putting my thoughts under a read more. tw for discussion of sexual assault

to be frank i dont think ive actually sat down and watched seeing red since the first time i watched the show back when i was like. 14. a lot of shit goes down in that ep that is not fun to watch, nor was it supposed to be. in my personal opinion, i dont like most of season 6. it starts out fine, bargaining and after life are interesting, engaging episodes. the seeds of everyones explosive interpersonal dramas are about to fully bloom, and theres a lot of narrative tension in that regard. but as the characters unhealthy coping mechanisms start to catch up with them and bad decisions after bad decisions are being made, i no longer enjoyed watching characters i love begin to succumb to their downward spirals. the push/pull of negative character development works for some people, but it just wasnt enjoyable to me. i started this blog in march right around the time i was doing my first s6 rewatch in years and i eventually gave up right before riley shows back up because it wasnt fun for me to watch anymore (also because i think as you were is a dumb episode lol) :/ lmao i guess as a depressed 20 something i dont want to also watch a bunch of depressed 20 somethings struggle with real world problems. im still debating whether to just go back and watch the dark willow eps, bc that was fun to see, but other than that ... :/

back to seeing red, while i hate that it lead to an attempted sexual assault, i can understand the narrative path that got them to that point. spike is absolutely in the wrong, he's the one that took it too far, but regardless, from a character perspective i can see how he got to the bathroom. the buffy/spike sexual relationship is absolutely toxic the moment it begins. its built on misunderstandings, buffy using spike without regard for his feelings not understanding that despite being soulless he is his own person with his own emotions, and spike not understanding why buffy is turning to him, that her own self loathing and depression is what is driving her to him as a means of escape, not truly because of a purer emotion like love which is what he wants. their whole tryst is a stew of muddled yes/no mixed signals. and after buffy decides to break it off with spike for good, as a way for herself to begin healing from her depression, it makes sense that he wouldnt fully believe her. she had been turning her back on him and then crawling back so often, why would this time be different? again with the misunderstandings of the relationship between the both of them. they had reached a standstill where neither party knows how the other is interpreting their actions. i like this excerpt from Critically Touched's review of Seeing Red, because i feel like he is able to explain how they got to that bathroom scene in a very succinct way

"Something had to happen with these two. Spike had to just leave the show, die, or do something so bad to Buffy that he'd need to get a soul to even attempt to make things right with her, despite the fact that having a soul makes him a new individual in the process. So, despite obviously not "enjoying" the scene, I did find it shocking and I did find it valuable from a character perspective. Due to their twisted sexual relationship this season, I'm not convinced anything else other than this would result in Spike fighting for his soul to be not just a better man... but to be a man (which is poetically said in "Beneath You" [7x02])."

here is the link to the rest of the review -> [link] which i feel like, as with his other buffy reviews, is able to objectively analyze the episode in a really interesting and in depth way, and also help contextualize the episode not just within the season but the rest of the show. i recommend looking through the rest of his reviews, its an interesting perspective from someone who clearly loves this show a lot and is willing to take the time to analyze both the narrative threads as well as the character development, giving every single character their dues in his analysis.

i genuinely love both buffy and spike a lot as characters. they are both incredibly engaging and interesting, in how they grow and change throughout the course of the show, as well as how they play off each other and what they bring out in each other. seeing red is a difficult episode for a lot of people, and for good reason. while their relationship was toxic for both parties it was absolutely spike that took it too far, his attempted sexual assault is inexcusable, and he pays dearly for his transgression. i dont know if i will sit down and watch seeing red ever lol, its definitely up there with the body for episodes that i refuse to rewatch often (though for entirely different reasons lol).

i hope i explained that adequately. its a sensitive subject and i kno a lot of people understandably dont like spike because of his actions in s6. he had straddled the line between good and bad for so long that he had to reach some kind of tipping point to either go fully good or fully bad, and if he died or left the show it would have felt that his character arc had been cut short or left unfinished somehow. its unfortunate and terrible that the tipping point had to come at the cost of assault towards buffy, but as Critically Touched said given that the nature of their relationship was roughly sexual and full of misunderstandings, i can see how it ended up in that bathroom.

also just as a quick aside the way the scene is shot does an excellent job of evoking this sense of dread and wrong. you can tell immediately something awful is going to happen and it makes my skin crawl

[sastrugie]

john entwistle biography review

ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...

ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before

this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one 

the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth

as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed

his family was poor af

his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family

his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble

he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison

loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog

he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet

my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same

at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments 

he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest)  which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn

soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”

he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.

yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.

he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.

his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)

once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.

after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever

Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started

he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd

john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too

he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)

with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie

pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.

he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music 

he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)

was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music

with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl

hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it

would fuss much about his hair in general

once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)

keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion

his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud

he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped

in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff

but he was a party animal and always the last to go

he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people

he would totally step out of his way to please people

when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was

when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW

he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy

liked to dance at parties

his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude

he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party

once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)

Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes

he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone

soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money

when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(

held the band together during who by numbers & who are you

wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself

never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison

cried when Christopher was born aww

once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift

We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.

he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol

wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete

was a good cook apparently

When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk

hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news

he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf

but didnt really care either

probably the master in picking up and seducing girls

he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf

the contact to his real dad was really sporadic

when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff

was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(

he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7

was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot

with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on

sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests

he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same

he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao

was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that

was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)

all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww

all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi! I want help on typing too :) i hope i followed the guidelines right.

Im a hardworker but Im not responsible. An example is I would rather do chores for my parents all my adult life than find a real job. I did get a degree in a prestigious university but I prefer to just serve my parents full time. And so i taught myself to cook, sew, clean, do laundry, and make my own utensils out of wood and scrap. I even took online courses on how to take care of the elderly. I didnt care if I didnt have any income. As long as I do it for the people I love, I do it for free. 《Tho in a way, my brothers provide the finances so money wasnt a problem anyway》

Im very much a recluse. Though many of our guests think I have the most welcoming looking home in town, I prefer not to be visited. Even by friends. While Im proud of my choice of not becoming a professional, Im still sensitive when people imply that they feel like I wasted my potential in university. I prefer to talk to friends online everyday and refrain from seeing them personally because of my insecurity.

Im very bad with my emotions. Mostly because I would prefer to die than show people how I really feel. I would especially never show my loved ones whenever I feel sad because I want them to be always happy. Example was when I broke up with a guy and I never told anyone, but my family guessed it because they sensed that the food I made tasted different than usual. And when they told me its okay to cry, i couldnt and just smiled the whole time because I just smile when Im very stressed. And when my mood gets pretty dark, I result to alcohol to numb my feelings. I used to drink a lot when I felt depressed when I backed out of my first and last job after uni. I could never get myself to talk about my feelings with anyone, not even a therapist.

I have a fairy academia aesthetic and way of living. I love fairytales. I love reading books about them. I daydream a lot. I pretty much incorporate fairytale and folklore characters in my personality. I imagine Im Rapunzel when Im doing chores. I imagine Im Peter Pan when Im talking to friends. I used Midsummer Nights Dream as an inspiration when I revamped the house and now our place looks like a fairy cottage :)

I am a very peace loving person. I dont like taking sides. Im very neutral. I dont like to categorize anyone as good or evil. When my family fights, I dont pick sides and i refuse to take part. When I get into a fight, I immediately back down and do nothing even when Im right.

I am very bad at planning. I pretty much rely on the feeling of the moment, which usually takes people by surprise. I never thought I would quit the job industry, but i did. I never thought I would result to alcohol being the typical good girl I am, but I did. I never thought I would break up with a relationship of 10 years, but I did... all because i dont feel like it anymore.

Im not a rational person. I dont like questioning people's choices and situations and I dont want it to be done to me as well. Whenever I see my brothers upset, I dont ask or argue. I just give them some comfort food and give words of encouragement. The last time I was sad, I dont answer anyone when they ask. But Im very much willing to be hugged instead than anything else.

Im sorry if its too long. I hope i got this right :(

This definitely sounds like enneagram 2; it’s very much about giving everything for others, putting them before yourself, and caring about their opinions of you over your opinions over most things. I am also sure there is 9 fix in there somewhere, and it’s even possible you are instead a 9 core with a 2 fix instead.

With that said I’m not sure on your MBTI type - you’re definitely a feeler, but I can’t entirely decide on Fi vs. Fe, and I suspect this comes down to my own biases/range of experience. I don’t think anything you’re doing is wrong, but it is legitimately so unlike anything I would do that I struggle to connect it with Fi (even my low Fi) but it also doesn’t feel fully like Fe.

I would tentatively look at dom Fi, because despite what you say it sounds like while you value the opinions of others you do make a lot of choices for yourself and against certain expectations (choosing to be a caretaker rather than the expectation of pursuing a career from your degree, breaking up) and because you mention not liking to plan and making decisions in the moment.

I think there are cases to be made for either Ne or Se; the general sense I get here doesn’t tie to either and what might be perceived as one or the other just seems like a certain sense of escapism into fantasy, which anyone can do (and which fits with 9). So either INFP or ISFP are possible.

I would, lastly, out of a sense of what this blog is, recommend trying a therapist again, not because your life choices are in any way wrong (and I do suspect it may be hard to find a therapist who respects this which is frustrating) but because of what you say regarding showing emotion; it is pretty crucial to have some kind of emotional outlet or confidant even if you don’t like to be particularly emotional in public/around other people.

[wolferals]

HURT

herman tømmeraas preference

*

*

-„get out of here! We dont want to see you anymore!“ you hostmom yelled in your face while you were pulling your suitcase through the hallway

-„OUT!“ she screamed and basically pushed you out of the house

-you stumbled backwards and your head hit the ground rather harshly

-it hurt

-your hand shot up to hold the wound on the back of your head

-your host mom didnt even care, she had slammed the door closed and left you there, bleeding

-and all that because of a misunderstanding

-your host sister (who‘s a dumbass bitch) had told her that you were constantly flirting with your host dad

-first of all gross, second of all you lived with them for taking care of a 5 year old girl

-why would you risk getting kicked out

-like now for instance

-after the realization hit you that you had a bleeding wound on your scull you sat up and looked around

-this neighborhood seemed lost, no one near to be seen

-of course there wasnt anyone around right in this exact moment of help needed

-so you slowly stood up, grabbed your suitcase and made your way to the house across the street to ask someone for help

-since you were bleeding, and not too light it took you some time to fully understand your situation

-but you eventually made it to the house and rang the doorbell

-literally a second later a dog shot around the corner and jumped up and down on your leg

-„hey.“ you greeted the fluffy little ball

-„Ellie!“ someone then shouted

-then this guy showed up

-tall, muscular, and damn handsome

-„hallo, hva gjør du her?“ he spoke and walked up to you to pull his dog away from your shaking body

-„sorry i dont speak norwegian. I fell.“ you explained and then showed him your hand covered in blood

-„oh fucking hell! Alright wait here, i‘ll get my keys to take you to the hospital.“

-without waiting for your response he ran inside, his dog right behind him

-it took him not even 30 seconds to come back out the front door you were standing in front of

-he had a towel in his hand

-„press this to the wound to make it stop bleeding“ he then told you and handed you the black towel

-„can you walk? Are you okay?“ he asked and grabbed your arm to help you around the house to his car

-once you were all settled he started the engine and drove you to the nearest hospital

-„what happened to you?“ he then asked and looked at you for a second

-„i was living with the Hansens. I was their au pair from (wherever you‘re from) but they kicked me out before because of some dumb misunderstanding.“ you told him

-„oh shit. So you got no place to go?“

-„i mean, i got this woman from the agency i traveled with who i could call, but she lives in Oslo, it might take her a while to get here or me to get to hers.“

-„thats fucking shit. What are you gonna do now?“ he asked seriously concerned

-„idk, first i need to get this fixed, i can worry about that later.“

-at the hospital they sewed my wound real quick while the guy, whose name i still dont know was waiting outside

-„it would be good for you to stay here overnight Ms y/l/n, just to make sure it heals the way it should.“ the doctor told you and handed you some disinfectant to clean your hands

-„okay.“ you just spoke and sat up straight

-„do you want us to get your boyfriend in here?“ she then asked making you smirk

-„he‘s not my boyfriend i dont even know him. He just helped me get here.“

-she nodded and then spoke:“Well be glad he did, you were bleeding heavily.“

-„anyway we‘re gonna get your room ready, just wait outside with your... friend.“

-you nodded and slowly walked out of the room

-„hey! Are you okay? Feeling better?“ the guy came up to you

-„yeah i am, thank you for driving me here ... whats your name actually?“ you sat down next to him

-„oh yeah right, I‘m Herman. What about you, stranger?“

-you laughed a little and then spoke:“My name‘s y/n. And thanks again.“

-„I have to stay overnight.“ you then added

-„Yeah i figured since it looked pretty bad.“

-you guys then sat there talking a bit until a nurse took you to your room

-Herman then gave you his number because he insisted on you calling him when he should pick you up the next day

-„you dont have to do this.“

-„no i actually do. You have no one here and im already involved here. I dont mind, really. Ill talk to my parents because I‘m staying with them in quarantine.“

-you thanked him again and then he left so you could get some rest

*next day*

-it was about 9am when you woke up in a strange location

-your head didnt hurt

-other than your back

-you were pretty sensitive when its about sleeping on other mattresses

-„oh good morning ms y/l/n. How are you feeling?“ the nurse came in right after you had sat up and grabbed your phone to check your texts

-you had told your family last night what happened and they just told you to either contact that agency woman or come home right away but you really liked norway

-and the only choice was to stay with Herman‘s family and maybe find a job?

-„I‘m okay. My head doesnt hurt anymore.“

-„Dizzy?“

-you shook your head at her

-„let me check your heart rate.“

-she then also checked on your temperature but it all seemed fine so she wanted to talk to the doctor about when you could leave the hospital

-you then got dressed from some clothes out of your suitcase, brushed your hair as good as you could with the big bandaid on the back of your head

-and obviously brushed your teeth

-when you were about to get back to bed you heard a knock at the door

-„come in.“

-„Hey how are you doing?“ Herman spoke smiling

-he had a small bouquet of flowers in his left hand

„I figured i needed to be a good person so i got you these.“ he said shyly

-„Thank you!“ you took them and looked at the flowers before putting them aside

-„i heard you‘re allowed to leave soon.“ he then said

-„oh really? Who told you?“

-he sat down on the end of your bed and answered:“I heard the nurses talking in the hallway

-„perfect. My back hurts terribly from last night. The mattress is shit.“

-„yeah i know, hospitals suck.“ he grinned

-„By the way, my mom would love to meet you.“

-„What why? She doesnt even know me.“ you laughed

-„I told her about your situation and she really doesnt mind having you stay with us.“ he smiled sweetly

-„you sure?“

-„of course.“

-you leaned forward to give him a hug as a thank you

-he smelled nice

-he had probably showered before he got there

-„thanks.“ you spoke again

-„stop thanking me. Of course.“ he softly stroked your back

-you then let go because you heard the door open

-„Good morning y/n, the results look good, your head seems fine so far. In my opinion there‘s nothing to worry about no. It wasnt quite a concussion so i think you can go home now.“ The doctor said and handed you some paperwork to sign

*

-out in the car Herman smiled at you

-„what?“ you looked away shyly

-„nothing. You‘re just different.“ he laughed

-„that‘s not a good thing.“

-„what? Of course it is. You‘re really interested as far as i can judge from the past 24 hours ive known you for.“

-„well...“ you were so shy you just looked out of the window hiding your face in your sleeve

-„cute.“ herman then murmured

-„ohh right.“ you joked and looked at him for a second

-„you are.“ he defended himself

-„sure.“ you grinned. „you have to know someone to judge.“

-he nodded and spoke:“i guess we‘ll get to know each other pretty damn good in the next time.“

-„pretty damn good.“ you repeated and got some tingles thinking about it

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[chlodani]

This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Special Edition Series Finale Two-Parter Part 20. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I sighed softly as I sat with Neville looking out to the sky. It was beautiful as we watched the sun begin to set. However, I was oddly curious and still very suspicious. Neville called me out here to tell me something important and then he just doesn't talk. I softly cleared my throat as I turned to face him even more. He had hold of my hand with our fingers locked together.

"So Neville, I have to ask, - You asked me out here because you had something important you needed to talk to me about, and now that we're out here, you say nothing, - Are you okay sweetheart?" I asked him a bit concerned.

Neville turned himself to face me even more.

"I'm sorry Y/n, Ive just been doing a lot of thinking," Neville responded.

"About what?" I asked nervously.

"About you, - About me, - About us, -"

Neville looked into my eyes as he took hold of my other hand.

"I've been thinking about everything we've been through lately. - And what happened to you -"

"Oh, Neville, Im fine,"

"Thats not it, - I keep thinking about how close I came to losing you, and I cant fathom having to go home alone every night and day anymore -"

"Uh, Neville, -"

"Please, Y/n, let me finish, -"

I stared directly into his eyes as he continued.

"And I also cant fathom not knowing if something is gonna happen and Im gonna lose you because I wasnt there to protect you - I wanna be with you forever - I want you to be with me forever - Im deeply in love with you - And I dont want anyone other than you -"

I couldn't stop the smile that passed me.

"Y/n Asia Moon, - will you marry me?"

I couldn't speak as he held up a ring he took from his pocket. I honestly didnt know how to react. The ring was beautiful. It had a silver band and a ruby stone in the middle. He had it engraved to say "Always and Forever".

I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"Oh, Neville, I don't - I honestly dont know what to say,"

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I-I was hoping you would say yes,"

I chuckled as I looked at him.

"Yes, - Neville, - I will marry you,"

An excited smile passed him. As he slid the ring onto my ring finger, I pressed our lips together, kissing him softly but passionately. He softly placed his hands on the sides of my neck. I moved myself closer to him.

"Would this also be a bad time to ask you to move in with me?"

I chuckled once more.

"You mean as soon as possible dont you?"

A nervous look passed his face.

"Its okay hon, - I'd love to move in with you, - Is next week quick enough for you?"

He smiled placing his hand on the side of my neck again.

"Next week is just fine,"

He pressed our lips together, once again kissing me passionately. I know I made the right choice. And I felt like my heart made it long ago.

A Week Later. . .

I sat in the living room finishing up packing up the rest of my things. Jami was finished packing hers. Her and I are moving out to move in with our boyfriends. Or me with my fiancé. Im not sure how this happened, but Colby lives right across from Neville in his apartment building. So I'll still be living next to Jami. I won't be sharing a room with her anymore, but that was bound to happen sometime. Both Neville and Colby were waiting for me and Jami. I smiled as I held a picture of me, Hannah, Jami and Adelina. I sighed softly as I put it into the box. Jami walked over to me, helping to pack the remainder of my things.

"I cant believe we're really moving out," Jami said to me as she knelt down beside me.

I pressed my lips together as I looked at her.

"I know," I spoke to her softly as I closed the box.

"After all these years of being together, living under the same roof, sharing the same room, we're finally going our separate ways," Jami spoke with a hint of sadness behind her voice.

"You guys are gonna be living right across the hall from each other," Colby said to us a bit confused.

"Yeah, I know, - But we've always been used to sharing the same room, living together under the same roof. Its gonna be different waking up and not greeting each other every morning," Jami told Colby.

"Yeah, but we can still see each other every day," I reassured.

"I guess, but it still wont be the same," Jami spoke.

I just smiled as I stood to my feet. I looked over at Adelina, who was holding a piece of paper in her hand.

"Hey Lina, we're almost finished, what do you say we all go out for pizza together, before me and Jami officially leave," I suggested.

Adelina wasn't saying anything. Confusion crossed me as I looked at her. She was just intently staring at this piece of paper. The paper looked old, but well preserved.

"Adelina, are you okay?" I asked as I started to walk over to her.

"I cant believe this," Adelina spoke not taking her eyes off the paper.

"Can't believe what?" I asked confused.

I stood next to her looking at the paper.

"Its a letter for me from mom - She told me who my real father is," she responded still in disbelief.

Shock crossed me as I looked over at Jami. I honestly didnt know what or how to think.

To be continued. . .

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

[wittynameme]

shes probably already talked shit about me on twitter

(Long story so just-)

yesterday my grandmother and I were talking about my pet snails , at first she was criticizing of them but then she was looking up things to feed snails ! “wow they eat lots of things” she remarked “did you know they really like cucumber”? “yeah” i said exitedly “theres like a whole thing on youtube of snails eating cucumbers in fast forward” ! Next day i wake up late , Theres boxes of food from the food bank in the hall full of goodies , i notice pumpkin pie , theres a donut on the counter and pinwheel meat wraps in the fridge! I try to resist that donuts but fail and eat it without asking mom if its for me or one of the neighbors or herself first. I go out onto the porch and find her sitting under the picnic thing , i wave she waves back and i go back inside .

Turns out the donut was for me after all! so thats good , she sorted through the boxes to put things in bags for our neighbor , In the posses we find A WHOLE BAG OF CUCUMBERS! she states how convenient it is that we were just talking about that the other day. she gave away the pumpkin pie tho , i don’t really mind cause our neighbors are super nice and may have never even had pumpkin pie . I helped then carry the food upstairs and whent back inside for the main event.

I chop up some cucumber slices and put them on a plate “all my little snails were hiding in the bell pepper hid i made for them (they love it) so it was easy getting them all on the plate. I take the time to clean the boul I keep them in and PANIC when i fid one of the succulents i put in there covered in mold and cleaned that whole dang bowl.

I relay all this to her as we watch them crawl on the plate on the picnic table outside. She asked some questions, genuinely interested and i talked about snails for a good 7 minutes! The snails were in there little bell pepper hide hanging upside down on the roof , one crawled onto the other on accident and the other stared doing the snail flail (snails are not the brightest) I made a comment on this and she giggled and I started going back inside to get my laptop. she calles after me “wait what if your snails crawl away “!? I told her id be quick and they wont go anywhere cause their comfortable in their hides.

I come back from inside and notice my snails have unstuck themselves from each other. I made some joke about how the snail had gotten of the bucking bronco and she looks up at me for a second and her face goes dark .

“what the fuck are you talking about CHUCIN BONGOs god you say the most ridiculous things and just expect everyone around you to understand “

“bucking bronko” i said more clearly

“ I KNOW WHAT THAT ISBUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING ??? GOD YOU GET THESE CRAZY THINGS IN YOUR HEAD CHILD-

“the snails , they were on top of eachother and one of them was flailing arou-

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT “

“WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS”

“DONT GAS SLIGHT ME YOU LIEING CHILD “

im almost crying

and then we argued .over a snail joke.

“IM NOT LIEING “

“YES YOU ARE” !!!!!!!

“WHEN DID YOU SAY THAT “ !!!?!

“before i whent inside “

“OOOOOH , OK “

“LET ME TELL YA SOMETHIN....WHEN YOU END A CONVERSATION ...AND LEAVE THE ROOM ...THATS IT ! I WASNT THINKING ABOUT THE SNAILS “

and she goes on and on about how im ridiculous and say ridiculous things until she eventually quiets down....over a snail joke.

it doesn't translate very well but she has this way , this tone , that righting cant convey. she doesn’t need to yell even though she did , all she has to do is use that tone and i start crying. I’m sensitive i know , and i tell myself this every time we argue , i don’t allow myself full emotion because “what if i’m just being sensitive’ and it hurts so bad. but all you need to do is call me a liar or a selfish person and im a mess, she knows this too. she uses it on me all the time, almost every time we speak

by now its been about 5 minutes on complete silence and i thought we had moved on  

then she picks back up (only now that the fights over do i think “i should have pretended i had no clue what your talking about since the conversation was over”)

god damn it

“so” she said in the snarkiest tone i have ever heard

“just so we agree...you just started a huge argument over a SNAIL”

my minds so scrambled on what happened next cause it was so fast and she was so full of shit, everything that came out of her was a logical bias and when she didnt get her way she would roll her eyes lean back in her chair with this shit eating grin and then try to change the subject , she compared me to donald trump!!! the whole time she was dripping with confidence this certainty and confidence that i was the stupidest person in the world . and thats the thing , i know shes bullshitting because she told me about this tacktic “ if you want to win an argument , it doesn't matter if your argument is the stupidest in the world as long as you make your opponent look dumb and act smart” and it works every time . EVEN IF I KNOW SHES BEING MANIPULATIVE ! im crying an stumbling and stuttering and my brain is fried , she knows this , SHE KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN . She DID IT ON purpose.

“so guessing by your response , im right”

i ran away i shust couldnt-

why do i keep forgetting to be mad at her