#it wasn't until they mixed the members up that they seemed to really let loose more

[otanatchan]

Excerpt from Alkaloid/Crazy:B RadiSta Episode 8 (Yamaguchi Tomohiro, Kaito Tasuku, Shigematsu Chiharu, Kajiwara Gakuto, Nakazawa Masatomo)

“Gakuto's return”

A bit of context about this radio program: for the first 5 episodes, Alkaloid and Crazy:B recorded separately, and episodes 6-10 were these big shuffle episodes. So Gakuto was in episode 4, and then took a 3 episode break until this one. I guess he was excited to come back.

☆ RadiSta clip masterpost ☆

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[siimjaeyun]

blue bag- jay park

genre: fluff, angst, bad boy au

tw: street violence, mentions of gangs

-------

Jay's reputation at Belift wasn't exactly a secret to most people. The loose uniform with the leather jacket, covered bruises, and exposed tattoos were noticeable to anyone who bothered to pay attention.

Most people would like to assume to not judge him by his appearance, but his character matched it to a tea. He never bothered to give anyone the time of the day, much less even look in their direction. The only people who received such privileges were his closest six friends.

Or anyone who dared to cross his path- including the slight punches he's thrown at the occasional classmate.

But people couldn't see behind his intentions. Like the time he almost beat one of uppers to a pulp when they tried picking on jungwon his first year. All good intentions.

On this fateful day, the teacher had thought a slight change would mix things up. Instead of placing Jay in the back by himself like usual, he placed him right beside you.

"Hi Jay!" Your warm welcome startled him to say the least. Sure, he was used to love letters by other girls, but you didn't really look at him that way.

He stayed silent and placed his head back onto the desk. At the end of class, you bid him goodbye and walked out with your friends who seemed to tattle over him almost immediately.

-------

After yet again another argument with the rivaling gang leader, he finds himself cornered in the back of an alley way. Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea to think you could fight five men at once.

Tired, and out of breath, he's barely holding onto himself before there's a final blow to his lower stomach, collapsing onto the ground before him.

The men are about to approach him, this time, aiming towards his back, but retreat at the sounds of a siren.

"Here, hurry! They might come back." He looks up and finds it's you, carrying a bag in one hand and reaching out towards him with the other.

"Get lost." Jay, who is too stubborn to ask for help, attempts to get up before his knees give up on him.

"You can't walk. Stop being a bitch and let me help you." You swing his arm over your shoulder, and pull him up, guiding him towards the exit of alley way. At the closest convenience store, you rest him on a bench, bringing a towel to his face to wipe off the blood from his brow and lip.

"How did you see me?" He barely manages to ask.

"I didn't know it was you until I saw your face, which is very beat up by the way." He observes quietly and patiently waits for you retreat the towel from his face, slowly admiring the way you move your eyebrows while humming a small beat. 

“I’m done. I’ll call a taxi to take you home so you can finish up. I’m going to assume this isn’t the first time you get beat up.” Jay, snapping back to reality, stands up quickly and blocks your view of the street. 

“I can manage. Now go home.” He nods towards the direction of the grand city. 

“You can barely walk. Either I take you home, or text someone to come pick you up.” Jay immediately takes the second option, and searches quickly for his phone before realizing he must of left at it home. 

“Go ahead, call the taxi.” He mutters under his breath. The bright lights signal to him that he has arrived, and in silence, you drop him off, and leave, not letting Jay even look back and say a quick ‘thank you.’ 

----- 

If Jay didn’t know any better, it’s almost as if nothing had occurred yesterday. He’s still wearing his black mask to cover up his bruises, but you walked in with a smile and the same welcome from the past two weeks. 

Usually, he would turn the other way or not even bother to look at you, but his slight nod was reassurance enough. 

At the end of class, he was almost the last to leave, given that he had woken up from napping the entire class. Rather than seeing the empty room he was used to waking up in, he saw you again in front of him, holding a blue bag. 

“Here. Eat well okay?” You left the bag onto his desk and walked out again before he could respond. He stuffed the bag into his backpack and went towards the lunch room he was used to meeting his friends in. 

“Jay’s late and beat up. What a surprise.” Sunoo’s snarky comment doesn’t catch him off guard, and instead pulls out the blue bag from his backpack and rests it on the table. 

“Oh? Jay brought lunch? Quick, let’s rate his cooking skills.” Before Jay can react, Heeseung had already snatched it from the table, pulling out a Tupperware with a sticky note on top. 

“Who’s y/n? And why did she call you a loser?” Heeseung asks, opening the container to a bento box. 

“No one, now give it back.” Jay takes back the container, almost admiring the contents inside. 

It was the first time his heart began to take notice of you. 

----- 

Everyone was quickly suspicious about Jay’s relationship with you. It all started with him publicly going to you and thanking you for the food. Then it was the constant good mornings when you would welcome him at the beginning of class. Then it was the morning coffee, and walking you to class in the morning. He was practically stuck to you when he wasn’t with his friends. 

“You know, I think Jay likes you.” One of your friends mentioned casually, causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Stop taking those rumors too seriously, he’s just paying back a favor.”

Yet, your friends weren’t the only ones who were beginning to notice. Most noticeably, Jay’s very own friends. 

“Sunghoon, I don’t like her, so can you shut up?” Jay, almost irritated by the constant confusion of emotions. 

“So, you wouldn’t mind her being so close with Sunoo?” Jake points at your direction. You laughing and trying to hold yourself together while punching Sunoo in the arm. 

“No. Of course not." Yet, he still finds himself burning holes into Sunoo's skull as he sees you wrap an arm around his neck to pull him into a head lock.

It seemed as if that was the last straw because in the next moment, Sunghoon was attempting to prevent Jay's next big mess.

"Get your hands off him." Jay commands, catching not only your attention, but those around him as well.

"Relax Jay, she's just playing around." Sunoo gets himself out of the head lock, and looks at your face who's been cleared of any laughter.

"I'll see you later Sunoo." You can't even look at Jay in the eyes before walking off with another friend.

"What's wrong with you? You know she wasn't hurting me!"

"Don't talk to me right now Sunoo." Jay storms off in the opposite direction while Sunoo turns his head to the side at Sunghoon.

"Am I going to die?"

"Not yet anyway. I think if you stay off y/n, maybe it'll extend your life line." Sunghoon states honestly.

"What do you think would happen if I told him she's my cousin?"

"I don't know but I've never seen Jay so..like this. Its a good look on him."

However, Jay is his full fledged rage, begins to shove everyone in his way including a poor freshman who happens to fall in front of your locker.

"Jay what the fuck!? Are you okay?" You crouch down and reach your hand out, giving Jay a bitter feeling.

"Is this how you catch men? You pretend to be the good guy?"

"Excuse me?" You repeat, shocked at Jay's sudden attitude.

"Nevermind just stay away from me? Got it?" You don't even process the words before he dashes off, ignoring his friends who are attempting to catch his attention.

"Sunghoon, what's his issue ?" Sunghoon only let's out a heavy sigh before shrugging his shoulders.

"It's not my business, but I can assure you that anger won't end well."

-----

And it just so happens that Sunghoon's response was quiet accurate considering Jay's familiar situation. He's been long enough member of his gang to know what territories they're not exactly welcomed.

Yet, he doesn't care and does so anyway because anything is better than having to imagine you with some one else.

"Haven't seen you in a while Jay, must have been busy hmm." The leader mocks him, but it only infuriates the pent up anger within him causing him to land a punch at his gut.

"Don't test me." And as if history repeats itself, he finds himself once more cornered in the back of an alley way. With the collection of bruises forming on his stomach, one could tell he was a kick or two away from a good surgery.

"Jay! Stop!" He curses himself mentally when he watches you run towards him.

"You better leave pretty one...I mean unless..." He approaches you, reaching for your chin to tilt it sidewards, leading to Jay using his last strength to push him off you.

"Don't touch her." Jay grits his teeth, earning a smirk that quickly turns into a frown at hearing the sound of police sirens.

"You got lucky this time." He flees the scene leaving you again with a bloodied up Jay.

"You promised me to not fight anymore!" Jay chooses to ignore you and limps away to a nearby post.

"And I told you to stay away from me y/n. I don't need people like you to worry about me because they pity me" He responds.

"How am I not supposed to worry when you left so suddenly? One moment we're good and the next you're mad at Sunoo and everyone?" You place him on the stair case while getting your first aid kit ready.

"How am I supposed to stay away when you worry me? Do you have any idea how fast I ran here with this when Jake told me you weren't at your house?" You continue to apply a bit of alcohol on his open cuts.

"I'm sorry, I was upset. I saw you with Sunoo earlier and I don't know what came over me. Sunoo is so darn perfect, and what about me? I was afraid you'd leave me." Jay mumbles the last part quietly, but you manage to hear it well.

Without much hesitancy, you press a light kiss onto his bruised and swollen lips. He gasps slightly but manages to wrap his arms around your waist.

"I'm not leaving okay, I'm here to stay if you want me to." Jay grabs you and pulls you in for a hug, resting his face in the crook of your neck.

"Please stay." He mumbles, letting his grip on you get stronger. He stays there for a while, before looking at the blue bag in your hand.

"What's this?"

"I brought some dinner because I figured you would be too lazy to do it yourself and end up eating frozen nuggets again." He smiles slightly before admiring your features.

"I really like you y/n.." Jay confesses, still in the position of hugging you.

"I like you too Jay...I really do." A grin forms on his face and he drops another kiss on your cheek before leading the way out.

Perhaps Jay wasn't exactly perfect, but you always knew he was more than ready to love and learn by your side.

------

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts haha, but I figured we could all use a little fluff with everything going on :( <3

[slutdery]

See you looking right here, don’t hesitate.

make a wish series.

A series (for each member of the unit) about their lines in make a wish (english version).

pairing | taeyong x fem!reader

genre | smut, fluff (ig)

words | 3.8k

warning | knife play, degradation, one time sex, dom!taeyong, mature content, oral (m receiving).

author’s note | my native language isn’t english, so if there’s something wrong with anything i wrote tell me and i’ll edit it...

You know that one wish? That one u'd die to fulfill? Everyone have plenty of them, but you had the chance to make one of them come true and was still difficult to believe that this invitation came to you.

You were invited to one of the most famous ball around Korea, that's something to celebrate. 'Why?' well, that's actually a simple question for you to answer. Being a photographer had its privileges. They asked you to photograph a ball with the richest people all around Asia. It was a dream to attend to that kind of event, but only selected people could go, by "Selected." means rich. Yeah, those ones that brags about themselves whenever they can and humiliate the others for not being one of them. You really hated rich people with all of your heart, but you couldn't miss the chance to go somewhere like that.

Already inside of the taxi heading to the Lee's house, where the ball would occur. You could say you were nervous, but you didn't had time for that. When you work with rich people like these ones, the secret is to be ready for whatever may come. And of course that phrase they always says "Know your place." You'll be there to work, so you have to know the place you belong and thank god is not where they are.

🌟

The house is stunning. That kind of ones that you just see in magazines and everyone wishes to live, the perfect one.

After getting your equipment ready you started taking photos of the rich fucks. It was a work that you loved doing, besides you had the chance to photograph the insides of the house. The little plants next to giants panting, details in the ceiling and that incredible chandelier in the middle of the room.

You'v decided to sit a little bit, cause your legs hurt for walking with big heels. Your attention was focused to the people dancing at the center of the room, all of them elegantly swinging to one side then another. It was something nice to see.

But then your eyes spotted a incredible good looking guy sat on the other side of the room. He had pretty big eyes and a chin that would cut your thumb if you touched. His body proportions were amazing, he was tall and thin. But you caught your eyes looking at his pretty hands, he wore many rings in those long fingers, that made it sexier than already was. Your stare got back to his face, he was the prettiest "hottest." man that you'v ever saw, and you wouldn't forget his face for a long time. You stood there for minutes fascinated by his little details that you didn't even saw his piercing gaze running through your body. When you realized that his eyes were reading all of yours moves while smirking, your brain stopped functioning for a second, was it just you or it got really hot? You washed your thoughts away and repeated to yourself 'You're here to work.', with that in mind you stood up and got back to photographing the rest of the ball.

🌟

After finishing  your job and keeping the camera on a safe place, you started walking through the big room. Actually there weren't much time left to enjoy the ball, since all the people were already leaving, but it was still a fun event. Besides now you had a new guy to stalk and dream of one day kissing him. After the good looking guy came to your mind, you searched for him all over the place, but he wasn't anywhere near. Unfortunately. The only thing left was to enjoy the last minutes in heaven. Walking through an hallway that got your attention as you passed by. Pretty decorations all over the way.

"You shouldn't be here."

A hoarse voice reached your ears making you freeze as you felt the impact of it. After realizing where the voice came you turned to where the incredible good looking guy was. ‘He's even more pretty up close.'

"Oh, sorry."

You told him and smiled at the tall guy, making your way to leave and go back to where the ball was occurring, but his giants hands held your wrist making you turn to face him again.

"I saw you looking at me."

He said getting closer to you with that smirk of earlier. His piercing gaze right into your eyes and sometimes slipping to your lips. You didn't even notice how close he was, until he let out a deep breath against your supple skin. His lips were millimeters away from yours, while his hands tightened around your wrist to the point that you could feel a slight of pain. Which made you feel a low groan leaving your mouth. He let loose of your wrist and stepped back. You let out a "Fuck." in protests. At this point you might be wet and he barely touched you.

"What? You wanted more? Oh... what a nasty girl."

His husky voice echoed in the hallway, all of your thoughts were vanished away and just the hoarse voice remanded.

"What? Hesitating on answering me, i see. When your eyes were glued on me you didn't hesitated on looking all over my body, why being shy now?"

You felt the heat on your cheeks. You didn't know what to say, nor do, he left you speechless. Step by step he got closer to you again, his body lead yours to the closest wall, pinning you there. His cold breath leaning against your soft skin while looking into into your eyes. His mouth half opened ready to say something but he didn't had time to do such a thing. You quickly got his lips together with yours, closing your eyes while feeling his busted lips. He was still surprised by the sudden action, but didn't hesitated on kissing you back, now leading the kiss. His tongue was hungry, he wanted more than you were giving him. His hands got to your waist, pulling you even closer to him. You let out a tiny gasp when his thumbs met the only part of your back that the dress didn't covered. His long cold fingers resting there, making your whole body shivers. You traveled your hands to his neck, moving your attention to his soft hair that covered his scruff, caressing it with your fingers while pulling his head even more closer. His body was so close that you could felt his boner on your thigh, moving one of your knees to reach his length. Rubbing a little bit through the fabric of his pants. The boy seems to like it since he let out a groan and intensified the warm and sloppy kiss. But it didn't last long. He slowly got away and took a step back clearing his throat.

"I don't think it's a good idea to continue these kinds of things here, but if you have time we can go to my room. By the way, my name is Taeyong."

Oh, the son of the richest man in Korea. 'Not knowing the son of the man that everyone talks about, i'm indeed not that clever at all.' you thought while you raised your eyebrow at him, thinking about his suggestion and 'Why not?' popped on your mind.

"Sure. My name is y/n."

He smiled at you and started walking. Not minding if you were following him or not, but you obviously were. The rest of the house was absolutely perfect, you didn't have any words to say how pretty it was. Literally the ones you just see in movies. You were somehow envious. You climbed the stunning stairs, with lots of tiny details that got all of your attention, stopping in the middle of the way just to stare the little panting on the handrail. You spotted Taeyong entering in one of the various doors that the second floor had, following him and getting inside of the room. Closing the door behind as soon as you got in. His bedroom was something else, it was bigger than your whole apartment. Decorations in blue, grey and black. You left Your shoes next to the entrance and started walking in the tiny corridor that the room has. When you finally reached to the actual bedroom you sighed in relief, that was a long ass ride.

Taeyong was sitting on his bed looking at the giant window that occupied almost the whole wall. When he realized that you were already there he patted the sheets signaling for you to sit on the spot next to him. You did as he told and sat right by his side.

"Can i talk with you? About... something."

He sighed moving his head to face you. His intense gaze made your legs tremble. 'He's ethereal.'

"Of course. What's up?"

"Well. I'm hundred percent sure we're going to have sex if i'm wrong please correct me."

He slipped his gaze to your lips. You bited the lower one thinking of an proper response to give him or even say that he was wrong. But you couldn't, you wanted it as bad as he.

"I'll get this lip biting as a 'Yes'."

He got his attention back to the window, and you did it too. 'Nice view.' you thought.

"I have a kink."

"I think we'all."

He sighed in response and closed his eyes. You could swear he was the most hot person that ever existed. His jawline only lighted by the moonlight, made you wanna attack him just like that. Without a warning.

"I mean, before testing my 'Kink' with you i have to ask if you're ok with it. I suppose you already heard about knife play, right?"

Your heart skipped a bit hearing his hoarse voice saying it while his gaze pierced through your soul. At the same time that it haunted you thinking of knifes cutting your skin, it aroused you too. You couldn't tell properly what you were feeling, it was a mix of adrenaline and fear. It made you even more horny seeing that he had sparkles in his eyes talking about his 'fetish'.

"I'm in."

"So easy. You're a fucking nasty bitch."

He practically jumped on you. Kissing your lips even more hungrier than on the hallway, tracing his fingers all over your face, caressing it with his thumbs. His body was on top of you with his legs in the middle of yours, his knee was so close to the place you needed him the most. You were probably soaking wet by this time, searching for something to just touch you there. Taeyong broke the kiss leaving one last peck to your lips. He left you there in the need for him to just fuck you until you cry.

He entered in some kind of room still on his bedroom. He didn't made you wait much, coming back just minutes after with a medium knife on his hands. The object fitted in his hands perfectly, like he knew just what he was doing. He knelt on the end of the bed and took his suit off, throwing it somewhere on the floor. You were so right about him being the hottest person, cause his abs were no joke. You wanted to lick all of his body so much.

"Can i perhaps give you a head? Before you know, doing what you wanna do."

"Yeah, c'mere slut."

He stood up again, now stripping his pants off. The only thing left was his underwear. You couldn't tell if he was shy or wanted you to take it off, the second one aroused you the most. You got up from the bed and knelt in front of him, his eyes widened as your hand moved to touch his body. Passing your fingers all over his abs until it reached the hemline of his boxer, pulling it down. Revealing his medium sized dick with a pretty pink tip. You couldn't hold yourself back anymore and wrapped your hand around his dick, stroking it from the basis to the top, moving your thumbs on the tip of it. He tilted his head back and let out a few groans. 'So he likes on the tip.' you thought. Quickly got your lips closer to it and kitty licked the tip, moving your tongue on his dick hole. As you did it he couldn't contain his low moans, letting plenty of them escape his mouth. His hands moved to your hair, pulling almost all of the strands into a ponytail.

"Suck it, stupid hoe. Gag on my fucking cock."

His hand pushed your head to finally put his penis inside of your mouth, letting you feel all of his length inside of it while you tried to lick his tip on the times he wasn't moving. He didn't had mercy at all. Putting all of his effort on making you gag, his dick reaching your throat while you were drooling, your saliva dripping over his balls. He suddenly stopped moving and got his hand out of your hair.

"I wanna last more, get up."

In the moment when you propped up he pushed you, making your body fall on the soft bed. He got on the middle of your legs again while studying you, his eyes went black looking at your body through the tight dress. The hand holding the knife got closer to your arm, pressing the point of the blade and moving just a little bit. The cold knife superficially cutting your skin made your body shivers.

"You like this don't you? Needy whore."

You couldn't even think of a proper answer to give him, the fear was taking control of you. His knife got closer to the bottom of your dress, moving it until it reached the top.

"Did you cut my dress?"

"Answer me when i ask you something, slut."

He opened the parts that he cut, ripping the rest that got in his way, making you mumble something similar to 'You'll have to buy me a new one.' as he just nodded and smiled for 2 seconds. Finally something that made you comfortable with the whole situation, his bright smile. Back again with the knife close to you, he now was focusing on your thighs.

"I'm gonna do it for real now. If you are uncomfortable or is hurting more than you can handle, say 'Kitten.'"

You nodded and tried your best to relax your body, you didn't wanted to be nervous cause it would make you paranoid about what he was doing. You closed your eyes as you felt the knife drawing circles with the steel on your thighs, you had goosebumps all over your body from the coldness of the knife. You felt a severe pain on your skin as he moved the blade in horizontal lines, making you wonder if he was gently cutting or scratching you. Letting out a low moan while you tried calling his name, you didn't even know if he heard his name being called or not.

He let the tip of the sharp knife rest on your skin. Without a proper warning he slightly dragged it across your derm. Now on the vertical, making you flinch while a moan escape through your lips again.

"Don't fucking flinch, bitch."

"Fuck me, please."

You murmured while opening your eyes to look at him, he was on his knees on the middle of your two legs with the knife on the same position as before on his hand. You thanked god that there weren’t any bleed, cause that made you trust him even more. He stood up the moment that he spotted your panties, entering the same room of earlier and getting back faster than that one time before. But now he had a condom on his fingers instead of the knife. You thought he was finally gonna give you what you were wishing for all night. His dick inside of you.

"Can i make a wish now?"

"Sure."

"I want you fucking me with no mercy."

"You're such a whore."

He slowly got on the bed making his way to the top of you. But now he was fully above you with his arms on each sides of your body, making him carry his weight through them. He wasn't a soft dom, that was for sure. So you weren't expecting him to kiss you that much, and he didn't. But you missed a little kiss here and there, that teased you even more. Maybe the two of you were just too different from each other. Your body was half naked already, you weren't wearing a bra that night so it was easier for him. And he didn't loose time at all, so slowly he got closer to your chest. Diving on your right breast with his mouth. His tongue played with your nipple, sometimes kitty licking it or nibbling with his teeth. You weren't holding your moan back, sometimes whispering his name as you let some of them out. Of course you were enjoying it, his tongue was literally heaven, but you couldn't take it anymore. you were so wet that your panties glued on your pussy, making it uncomfortable to wear.

"Please, just fuck me."

He stopped playing with your nipples just to look at You. The smirk appeared on his lips as soon as he saw your desperate gaze, hoping that he would finally fuck you.

"So needy, bitch."

He left the top of you and rolled to the side, laying his body on the bed and resting his head against the pillows. He got the condom out of the plastic and placed on the top of his dick, pulling it through his length until it reached the basis. After finishing it he sat on the bed and patted on his lap for you to top him. When you realized that in this position he wouldn't take the soul out of your body, cause you would be making all of the work, you moved your head to the sides telling him a 'No'.

"If you don't mind i prefer this way. Please."

You looked at him with puppy eyes, making him sigh and roll his eyes. He got up from the spot that he was sitting and came to where you were.

"No mercy, huh? Slut."

He spread your legs a little and knelt between them. After finding an comfortable position for him he raised one of your legs and rested it on one side of his shoulder, doing the same with the another one on the other side. His hands moved down, making its way to your clothed clit, he palmed it. He stimulated you doing lazy circles with his middle finger through the fabric of your lingerie. You let out a loud moan to the final sensation of something touching you there. He stopped his motions a little seconds after starting it, grabbing the fabric of your panties and putting to the side. He stood there for a little bit, looking at your bare pussy facing him.

"You're so nasty. All that wet just for me?"

You nodded in response and he smirked moving his hip for the tip of his cock tease your entrance, leaving you wanting more from the contact.

"Fuck, Taeyong. I need you inside me."

That's all he needed to listen. He grabbed the basis of his penis and shoved it into your pussy without a warning, making you tilt your head back into the pillows and groan his name from the sudden move. He wasn't kind, every time he moved his hips you could feel his cock hitting your g-spot, making many loud moans come out of your mouth. Besides being a little uncomfortable, cause you weren't too flexible, the position was amazing. And when he deep thrust you could see stars.

"You like that way, right? So fucking tight, whore."

He kept his moves deep and fast, making you a vocal mess. He wasn't much of a vocal as you were, cause you only heard low moans coming out of his mouth, but it was still hot. His hands traveled from your leg on his shoulders till it reached your thighs, you wasn't paying much attention to that, until he passed his thumbs through the scratches he made. You flinched as you felt a slight of pain, it made you moan even more than you already were, he didn't hesitated on touching it again just to see the discomfort on your face. It hurts more than you've imagined it would, but at the same time it was so good. The pain mixed with his dick hitting your spot, made you experience something u'v never felt. His fingers moved to touch you down there again, moving his index and middle finger in fast circles through your sensitive clit. You felt a knot being made on your stomach and you tried to hold it, succeeding on your task.

"Taeyong, can i cum?"

You asked while moaning from all the pleasure he was giving you, it was so hard to hold your orgasm back while he stimulated you.

"Yes. Cum for me, my slut."

He didn't needed to tell you twice, you saw stars as you relaxed your body and finally let your orgasm out. You were a totally vocal mess, your walls clenched on his dick, making him let out a loud moan at your sudden tightness. He stopped moving his fingers on your clit, afraid of the overstimulation. But still didn't stopped his fast motions, making you still moan for him.

"Beg for my cum, whore."

"Please Taeyong, cum on my pussy, fill your slut with your load."

As soon as you finished your sentence he finally let out the moans he was holding all night, it was music to your ears seeing that he finally reached his orgasm. The two of you stayed in the same position for a couple of minutes until he recompose himself. Making you form a groan in your throat when he took his dick out of your pussy. You saw him taking the condom off and making a knot at the end of it, seconds later throwing it on the garbage can next to the other side of the bed. He rolled to the spot next to you and held your arm, pulling you in a lovely hug.

"Can we stay like this for a little bit?"

You nodded and smiled in response. Moving your hand to reach his hair, caressing his strands while watching him with his eyes closed.

“You’re ethereal.”

He giggled at you and held you tightly. You Kissed his forehead and closed your eyes as well, sleeping with him just like this.

[devilinsheepswool]

Obey Me! MC Character Sheet

Thanks to @kyungi-i for the spred sheet! I've seen others do it and thought why not me?

Name: Alisa Moreno

Nickname: Ally, Lisa, Li-Li, Al, Isa, Moreno

Age: 18

Height: 5'3

Weight: 170

Race: Human

Gender: ♀️

Birthday: April 13

Star Sign: Aries

Hair Color: Brown (pink streaks)

Eye Color: Brown

Skin: Brown/freckled

Demon brother, she is most to least like:

1. Levi

2. Belphie

3. Satan

4. Lucifer

5. Beel

6. Mammon

7. Asmo

Personality: she's pretty cynical and pessimistic, she also seems very aloof but somehow has a way of knowing a little bit of everything that's going on. When she wants to be she can be very observative and dedicated to her work, otherwise, she can come off as lazy, or disinterested just as much as aloof. Her snide personality comes off subtle mostly due to her wallflower and nerdish appearance. And she does have trouble getting to know other people due to her self-consciousness, low self-esteem and social anxiety; all of which she masks under witty remarks, jokes, and sarcasm. She puts up walls and its difficult to get to know her past surface level, despite it all Lisa does have a soft side and softens up around people that have a natural kindness and positivity about them or are straightforward. She has a good sixth sense, which helps her be an extremely good judge of character more often than not she is correct about her intuition regarding others' intentions towards her. Lastly, she has a bad habit of acting out and deliberately going against authority, she doesn't like feeling controlled and being told what to do. She'll usually follow the rules because she can't be bothered with the effort to break them but if she feels like someone's trying to control her or that she's being patronized then she will deliberately go out of her way to break the rules.

Background: Before coming down to Devildom, Lisa, despite only being 18 had already finished all her schooling, including higher education. Back on earth, she was recognized as a child prodigy in her research on historical documents and records, despite her early achievements at such an early age, the pressure of being placed on such a high pedestal career-wise eventually got to her and she fizzled out. Growing up an orphan without a past or family, the academy she worked for and her work was all she had, after she cracked due to the pressure she ran away hoping to live out the youth she felt she had never experienced in childhood. At age 16 she was a runaway and going under a different name. She lived on the streets and squatted in abandoned buildings for a few months before she met some people that offered to help her. During this time she developed an interest in music seeing as the people who helped her were a musical band full of teens just like her.

In order to stay with them, she lied to them about the truth of who she was and why she ran away. She stayed with one of the band members she had become close to during her initial days of having met them. While she stayed with them she learned how to play several instruments and eventually sing as well. She went on to perform with them but after two years of playing with them musical difference surged and a fight broke out, after which Alisa decided to run away again. It was during her second night of squatting in an abandoned house that she woke up in Devildom.

Hobbies: Music; Singing, Electric Guitar, Violin.

Likes: Sweets, Reading, Music, Animals, Writing, Video Games and drawing.

Dislikes: Liars, being lied to, math, meddling (Ironically), cruelty, injustice/unfairness and short tempers. Words that sound one way but are spelled another, or that sound like they mean one thing and then mean something else.

Appearance:

She's fairly average height. She's on the plump side, with a rounded face that makes her look baby-faced. She has freckles but due to her brown skin they're difficult to notice. Her eyes are rounded and large despite the dark circles brought on by years of bad sleeping. Her hair is short in a bob cut and wavy/curly, usually, she has a singular braid running down her left side. She wears glasses to see and prefers to wear loose-fitting clothing except for at performances. She tends to dress on the nerdy side.

Casual Clothing -

• Top: Sky Blue sweater rather loose fitting sweater over a white button up blouse.

• Bottom: plaid moss green skirt. Over the knee length, style is somewhat pencil skirt. Black tights under skirt.

• Shoes: Brown Boots.

• Accessories: star-shaped hair clip, silver necklace with a star pendant, a bunch of woven, or leather, or beaded bracelets. 

• Glasses: Yes. Black plain.

Uniform:

Alterations?

Not many, she wears the uniform properly a skirt version with the same black tights underneath the skirt. And a light blue tie on her uniforms blouse.

• Mother: N/A

• Father: N/A

• Siblings: N/A

• Pets: A black cat she adopted during the first time she ran away, she found her in one of the abandoned buildings fed her and the cat kept following her after that. Her name is Pandora.

• Friends: Prior to joining the band Alisa had none, after joining the band she made 2, Lydia and Florence. The lead singer and drummer of the band, respectively. She stayed with Florence and her grandmother during her time in the band.

• Past Relationships:

She had a mentor/advisor who eventually became a colleague when she finally started working with the academy. She was very close to her and was her only actual relationship. Her relationship with Dr. Aver was the closest she's ever had to a familial relationship. In the early stages of their relationship Aver became endeared with a rather small and young Alisa and tried to offer her the closest thing to a family she could through her and her husband. While they had a solid well-going relationship, they hit an obstacle when Aver was offered a position teaching at a highly prestigious institution abroad. Aver tried to keep connected long distance but it all came to an end when Alisa ran away.

Alisa dated three times during her time in the band the first relationship was bad from the start and ended badly, the second and third one ended with Alisa self-sabotaging herself due to the first bad experience. All occurred relatively back to back during the first year and half of her being in the band.

The first one though was the longest one, which lasted for 9 months. The last two were relatively short-lasting about a month to two each.

Sexuality: Unsure, possibly Pan.

Have they been in love before?

Because of her first toxic relationship and overall young age, at the time Alisa is hesitant to say that she ever was truly in love in any of her past relationships. But she was the most heartbroken with the ending of her 3rd relationship. Prior to her third relationship, the other two were mainly out of curiosity for exploring with dating than actual love.

How easily do they gain crushes?

Not easy, she wasn't aware of her feelings towards her third (future) partner until she was in her second relationship, her feelings for her 3rd future partner had started amidst her 1st relationship when it started going downhill.

Do they believe in love?

She doesn't really have an opinion on it, she's rather cynical and with her negative past experiences you would think she doesn't believe in it anymore if she ever had, but honestly, it's not something she's thought about that much. She's just experiencing life as she goes, maybe someday...

What's their type:

Alisa is the type of person to look for what she's missing in her life in someone else; she's typically drawn to kind, warm-hearted people, more likely than not optimists with positive personalities. You get the sense that she's into the "angelic" type (thus her third ex/first love) with a strong moral compass always set on doing right. Of course, this being her type doesn’t mean it’s what suits her the best. Mixed with her low self-esteem, a relationship with her ideal type may turn out to be hazardous as she might end up over-idealizing the person or self-sabotaging once again due to low self-worth as well.  

Which of the 7 brothers is her favorite?

That's a tough one she likes both Mammon and Levi but couldn't pick a favorite between both. Although Beel is also a strong contender for her favorite.

Why?

Mammon, despite not being honest about what he truly thinks about her is easy to read and has always been there for her when she's truly needed him, he's stepped in to save her multiple times and she knows he clearly worries about her. She's grateful to him despite his antics, and is able to look past the big cool guy/bad boy facade he puts on and appreciate him for being there when she really needs him.

Levi, she actually sees a lot of herself in him. Especially, a lot of her from prior to her first run away. She relates to his hermit-like personality because prior to running away she was like that as well. She can also sympathize and empathize with his obvious insecurities and wants to more than anything be there to reassure him and help become more secure of himself. Despite not being a total weeb like Levi, during her time in the band she did develop some interest in anime and manga, just not as passionate as Levi's.

What do they look for in a partner?

Ideally, she likes kind-hearted, empathetic people but speaking practically she'd prefer an honest straightforward person easy to read that doesn't try to play mind games or control her. Someone patient and that can reassure her when she doubts herself, and most importantly someone that will call her out when she needs to be. She doesn't want someone that will coddle, pamper, or try to spoil her like a little doll and let her get away with things that are prick-ish. She's good at keeping herself in check but she'd like the reassurance that someone will call her out if she slips up without noticing.

General -

Fav. Food: Tamales, but she also loves Cheeseburgers and Milkshakes.

Least Favorite: Meatloaf, Eggnog, Rasin Muffins, Salmon.

Favorite color: blue & green

Least Favorite: White or Neons

Sociable or Recluse? Both, she can be something of an ambivert but prefers to be more reserved due to her majority introvertness.

Favorite Movie Genre: Droll Comedy, or Action Political Thrillers/govt. conspiracy, K-drama's

Reader or not? Very much a reader, liked it and eventually it was what her job required of her in order to conduct her research.

Favorite Animals: She likes cats and dogs, but she also has an ample love for animals of all kinds but especially the ones that can be found in the woods; Owls, Raccoons, Wolves, Crows. Her favorite however has to be the Fox.

Favorite Music Genre: Rock, though she's big on ceremonials and sea shanties as well, and loves testing her vocal range with gregorian chants and Hymns.

Least Favorite: Country

Do they like sweets?

BIG YES.

Do they like spicy food?

👌👌👌👌

Do they like school?

Not so much like but she was good at it, and a majority of her life was dedicated and depended on it, overall she doesn't have bad memories about school perse, so I guess you could say that she does.

Pet Peeves:

Loud food chewing, bad breath, meddling in her business, being patronized, people pointing out her baby face, people trying to manipulate, use or lie to her.

[uriduriragwaenchana]

All of your attention pt1 || Wong Yukhei (f)

a/n: a very cute anon requested this a while ago. I'm sorry it took so long I was trying to make sure I had enough information on the subject to write about it😅thank you for bearing with me

genre: fluff! cafe!au Its a little dramatic but so am I so..

words: approx. 2.6k

summary: Why would he think ignoring him was something anyone could do on purpose?

☕

"I brought you help," He smiled with all of his teeth, his eyes squeezing shut as he tossed a look back to where he'd left the stranger, the new boy, petting the animals. That was exactly how it started.

Johnny had worked at the puppy cafe for quite a while before you'd been hired and he'd done a number when it came to marketing and advertising the small place, tucked away on the far end of a busy shopping district.

His face helped, he wasn't bad looking; he was actually quite stunning and he was even more charming and friendly once you got over thinking how people really weren't allowed to look like that-- coupled with the visual of his tall frame feeding and caring for small animals and making frappecionos with a towel over his shoulder-- well, you can imagine why there were always people in the store and a small line down the street.

Aside from that he made a mean cup of coffee and kept little cute flyers with him so that even when he was approached randomly or met someone at a supermarket or elsewhere, he'd hand it to them and smile and then they'd come running through the door the first chance they got.

He was sociable and easy to talk to and sometimes he invited his friends to watch him work, which usually consisted of them ignoring him and spending the afternoon playing with cute pups. They were wellmannered and just as goodlooking and made easy conversation with you when they weren't giving their undivided attention to the animals or when you tended to their glasses for refills.

The days when Johnny was off were noticably more quiet and easy going, which you preferred. Sure, you enjoyed his company but when it was busy, it was hard for you to concentrate and stay focused, and most of all it was hard to make out what any one of the customers were saying when there was soft music from the speakers, puppies barking and growling and chatter, with 'ooohs' and 'aaahs' directed almost always toward Johnny.

Oh and the puppies.

Today was no different, save for a few middle schoolers sipping distractedly on iced coffee with two, mild mannered labs sat on the seat next to them, eager for any sort of attention.

You didn't expect Johnny to come in today because he'd called in earlier about his practice running a little late and you most certainly did not expect for him to bring friends. Luckily you were facing the door, cleaning up after Yuki; the toffee coloured shitzu, otherwise you'd have missed the little bell on the door ding and Johnny coming in, followed into the store by another giant boy with the biggest, most endearing eyes and an oversized blue sweater and messy, soft brown hair.

The puppies went straight for the stranger like they'd been waiting for his return (even if you were sure you'd never seen him before) and started licking and wagging excitedly as he ran his hands over them, eyes alight in jovial delight.

☕

Ever since then, the tiny, fairly profitable puppy cafe had had a new addition to its staff. Lucas-- who reminded you so much of Sushi, the doe-eyed beagle mix that always found the strangest assortment of accessories from god knows where around the store and dropped them at your feet-- wasn't much older than you were and probably half as capable. He was a clutz and a little bit of a ditz and you suspected that it was that naïve charm about him that was so endearing to the customers. They never seemed to get mad or impatient with him when he mixed up an order or put a little too much sugar in the drinks and he drew the younger kids in by the boatload. The coffeemaker was his nemesis and the trio of pugs that were brought in by one of the usual customers-- a high school boy with soft smiling eyes and beautiful lashes--named Blondie, Raven And Carmine respectively, always made his life miserable.

You would admit, however that Lucas was kind of cute. His hair was always a fluffy storm, like he'd ran his hands through it too many times in one second. His hands dwarfed the puppies and most of the kitchen appliances and utensils. His mannerisms were also kind of adorable; he mumbled a lot to himself--which you found out when he was training, and only because you'd been looking at him directly. He was asked to make a basic iced coffee and when he moved behind the counter to begin, immediately started the inner and sometimes outer conversation with the appliances. You could read his lips but at some point you'd decided there were multiple languages involved and you wouldn't try to decipher that.

Overall, very cute.

He wasn't however, as articulate or friendly as Johnny; who now spent more time out of the store now that Lucas had begun his shifts more regularly. He'd been a recurring staff member for a little over two months now and during that time, Lucas hadn't tried speaking to you unless he had to and tended to side step you altogether. You hadn't minded at first, you were a little shy about certain things about yourself and it was fine, if only a little hurtful but you weren't going to make trouble unless he was being rude.

You were perfectly content to remain cordial colleges; you each had your routine duties-- he took out the trash and cleaned the dog's sleeping area, you cleaned and stacked chairs on close up and took care of the counter and kitchen area. You both fed and cared for the animals and washed the dishes in peaceful silence-- and you were comfortable enough in his presence to get through the day without major upset. Until one day he broke part of the coffee machine and you'd decided to make the executive decision, after calling Johnny and talking about it for five minutes; to close up shop about an hour early, put the pups away to their little room in the back wih sufficient food and toys to entertain them, and try to fix the machine since it only seemed like the lever had detatched itself in Lucas' all-encompassing grip.

"What do we do?" his hands found their way into his hair as he turned to you when you'd came back, shoving the phone into your apron.

"We can try to fix it, no biggie," You assured the little big baby standing and staring, absolutely distraught. He was truly adorable.

It in fact, was a biggie and before the minute of faux repairing was up, there were more loose parts than you knew what to do with and very little idea of what to do next. You did not want to call Johnny with this information. You wanted to believe you were more than capable of doing this on your own. You were not inept; the coffee machine was Lucas' enemy, not yours.

☕

Some time during the next half hour, Lucas had managed to find a toolbox in the storage room, the cafe had been closed for much longer than you'd have liked and both of you were still no closer to fixing the machine than you'd been when you started. Your patience with the contraption was starting to wear a bit thin and Lucas was visibly agitated-- kind of the first truly negative emotion you'd seen him express.

"This isn't working," you didn't hear the metal wrench clank against the tile countertops, but you did see Lucas plop down into the plushy seat Johnny had purchased at a flea market and stuck behind the counter for 'atmosphere', his full lips pulling together in an exaggerated pout. "Oh geez, its all my fault too."

"Not really." Yes really... "You've actually been doing really great so far," You were not entirely sure what prompted you to respond, honestly. He wasn't speaking to you, but you'd managed to make out what he said and he looked like very much like a wounded puppy. You wanted to at least lessen whatever he was feeling and your heart may have lurched a little when he looked up at you from his seat, eyes wide and a little bit of a smile dancing at the corner of his mouth.

"I mean you put a little too much effort in sometimes but... " you rushed, letting the sentence hang and turning away as your face began to sear, back to your task at hand. If you looked him in the eye again you were sure you would crumble and right now, you wanted nothing more than to fix the stupid machine and get back to work.

There was a beat before you felt movement at your back and spun, immediately met face to chest with Lucas' mass of body.

"You're doing it again," he said crowding your space like it wasn't even yours to begin with. Everything was a blur and before you realised what had happened, your lower back was met with a lever on the machine and you were sandwhiched between the two, confused and flustered. Your most innate reaction was to try to put some space between the two of you. He was much too close; you could practically feel his body through his clothes and your brain was starting to dissasociate with this personal space nonsense. You forced your hands up though, and angled your body away as best you could without impaling yourself further on the now, broken coffee maker.

"Doing what?" you sputtered, trying to keep eye contact with him somehow so you could try to pick up what he was saying but also trying to regain some of your composure. Lucas wasn't having any of it though, completely oblivious to your struggle as he tilted his head to look down at you.

"You're ignoring me. You've been doing it since I got here; I try to talk to you or ask you questions like when we do dishes and stuff because I'm really trying and this is really hard, but you keep ignoring me and I'm kind of hurt and annoyed." His eyebrows furrowed and he was pouting again. You were very hyper aware of all his facial details and not the not so subtle changes in his expression; the unreal process of a frown glossing over his features was kind of mesmerising.

Why was he so... pretty?

He was too close.

Your breath got stuck in your throat and you froze as the implications of what he had said dawned on you. Of course Johnny hadn't told him; he was too kind, too Johnny. He would want your business to be your business. He would let you confide in Lucas on your own like you'd done with him. A very small part of you kind of wished he had told him so you wouldn't have to go through this again now, but you realized that potentially would have been worse than his entrappment. Apart from this being the most he's ever said to you-- well now you knew that probably wasn't true-- you had a good few of reasons to be taken aback.

Why would he think ignoring him was something anyone could do on purpose? Surely he was aware of how large he was; physically and personality-wise as well? This did seem to explain his occasional mild standoffishness and you thought back to all the times your back must have been turned to him and he'd probably tried to say something to you.

Poor kid; he was trying his best and struggling and he was just trying to talk to you or make a friend. You wanted to facepalm but your hands were keeping you alive so you settled for groaning softly. Would apologising even help?

Not if you weren't going to tell him.

You swallowed another groan and attempted again to put some space between you. This time Lucas got the message and took one tentative step back. That did nothing, but it was enough for you to bring a hand up to brush some of your short hair behind your ear, revealing the tan aid you had in today. You didn't usually wear them, but you were kind of glad you did because now you didn't have to focus on explaining, just keeping the anxiety and embarrassment from showing on your face. People very rarely cared, most did however and decided against any type of relationship with you because of it.

"I don't ignore you on purpose," was all you could get past your lips at this point.

Lucas retook the space he'd just barely given you, reaching a hand up and out to you. You held your breath; your first instinct again, to move. Move and then panic although the latter seemed to sprint ahead first. What if he was trying to touch it? You were not an animal. And you were going to  muster some annoyance to tell him off or at the very least move away, but his hand stopped short, grazing your skin, stroking your cheek ever so lightly before he pulled back half second later. He was staring and all that served to do was make your skin hot and your knees waver in and out of stability. This was a very bad idea and he needed to stop looking at you like you were... normal. He wasn't staring at it, although he had briefly glanced, but rather he was staring at you, his eyes settling on yours.

"What?" you tried to keep the anticipation out of your voice. This was killing you. His eyes ran over your face endlessly, what he was looking for you weren't exactly sure. What you were sure of however, was how ridiculously easy it would be to stare at his eyes forever without wanting for anything else. They were so pretty and bare and screamed of his harmlessness. He could probably kill you if he hugged you too tightly and the damage he had made to coffee maker was minimal, but even if he looked like a threat to most inanimate objects and short people, you knew he was harmless. He probably just didn't know his own strength.

"So... you just weren't hearing me?"

You winced and dropped your gaze. This was so embarrassing and talking about it so casually was just making you want to crawl inside yourself. You weren't embarrassed to be hard of hearing, nor were you embarrassed of the aids; you'd needed them since you were very young, and you knew you weren't an anomoly-- there were tons of people like you and you liked yourself because of it, not in spite of it. These conversations were always uncomfortable though because you never knew what type of reaction you would get. You finally grew some balls and slid out from practically under Lucas, sliding across the edge of the counter. Now you could almost breathe again, although now there a was a familiar, Lucas-sized indent in your memory and on your body.

"Yea," you didnt elaborate or offer any types of explanation. Anything that would prolong this conversation was not something you wanted to do right now.

"Oh my god?" you and Lucas jolted, spinning around to where the voice of pure distress had come from. Johnny's large frame shimmied between the beaded curtain seperating the puppy room from the main cafe, his hair hanging low in his eyes and coated in sweat like he'd ran all the way from practice. He wasnt panting, but he was breathing raggedy as he stared between you both, who looked like you'd kick the shit out of the coffee maker and won. Secretly, you were ecstatic that'd he'd come despite you begging him to just let you deal with it. Even without knowing, he was saving your behind. "I thought you said it was just a lever?!"

[smugpuffin]

(I'm specifically referring to a more binary transmasc experience. I can only speak from my experiences as a GNC gay transman. Though I hope this helps others nonetheless)

I'm only adding to this because I'm seeing it as well, and particularly with "younger" transmasc people. Younger in the sense of both age and length of time being out.

As transmasc people, there is often a felt pressure put on us to present "masculine," whatever that generally means where you are. Also, often getting a mixed message from previous communities that men/being masc is undesirable.

Also, also, a lot of transmasc people had families that refuse to let "girls" dress masculine.

So, you end up with a group of people feeling pressured to present as masc™, who may be breaking free of never being allowed to dress masc, and/or also getting messages to be weary of being masc.

Its a recipe for unhappiness.

On the left is me 6 months after coming out and on the right is my now ~7 years later.

On the left, I was actively describing myself in 2014 versions of "trash man" and "rat man." I was presenting what I thought was "masc" and what was expected of me. This was the "masc" aesthetic for my age at the time. I was being called sir, boy, and he about 75% of the time, but I was miserable.

I had internalized these ideas about masculinity and gender presentation so much to the point that I was actually loosing myself on what was supposed to be a journey of self discovery.

I felt like claiming any attachment to my femininity, polish, or flare for the dramatic was either a sign I wasn't really trans (we did some mental gymnastics I know), or that I was playing into stereotypes.

Now, I've long moved past the almost desperate need to appear masc™. I no longer fear marks of "feminity" or "masculinity" things just are what they are. "Trash man" and "rat man" are to me now just abstract concept of an aesthetic, they can be masc, femme, or neither.

Now, I have "masc" characteristics like facial hair, but masculine is not a word 9/10 people would use to describe me. I'm also a million times happier now.

Notice though, in neither photo do I look "gross" or "ratty or a "trash lord."

To masculinize myself in a physical transition way, in no way had to masculinize me in my personality or aesthetic. Seems silly to say now, but I didn't realize how deeply I'd internalized it until it was gone.

It takes a lot of mental work, but you do eventually have to drop all your ideas of what masculine and feminine are, not just what they look like. You may think that you've already done that, but if you're a freshly cracked transmasc egg or just starting to make so social transition, you will find that even the deconstruction of those concepts still won't apply to your trans experience. They hardly apply to anyone's trans experience.

Discoving your transmac identity and/or making your transition is supposed to he about becoming you!

Why would you want to become a trash man or rat man if thats something you view as dirty and gross? Why are you framing elements of yourself and your community members are reinforcements of harmful stereotypes?

Being masculine can be as clean, pretty, and nice or as gross, ugly, and mean as you make it!

You are the one who decides how to present yourself! Masculinity isn't gross, bad, or mean just like Femininity is clean, pretty, or nice! They are just adjectives!! You are creating a recipe for disaster!

Stop attaching positive and negative attributes to people's literal state of just existing!

really tired of the transmasc community doing this "im grimy ratman raccoon sewer rat gross little moustache" routine. aside from that its a very white narrative to be able to treat dehumanization casually and positively, it also just reiterates the women are clean and pretty and men are grimy and ugly narrative. this is related to the great amount of transmasc people ive seen being frustrated because they think they look better when presenting femininely even though they dont feel comfortable doing so. like you can see how that isnt a productive and good way to talk about gender presentation right