#it wasn't a great video but it was a ton of work so im still kinda angry about that

[fancyfade]

Massive comic bookbinding progress post.

Making a massive bookbinding post with my progress and what resources and steps I use. I do not claim to be an expert and recommend if you want to get into bookbinding yourself you look into any linked tutorials (or find some yourself), because they are made by people with much more experience.

So. When I just got into bookbinding, I was following an instructables tutorial for (link) most of the book. the sewing part, I was following this (link) tutorial. The cover tutorial (instructables) wasn't great for what I currently do, and I changed a lot looking back on it, but it had the bonus of suggesting cheap materials (Cardboard for covers, elmer's glue for spine, any spare fabric for bookcloth) that helped lower the barrier to entry and let me decide if I wanted to buy nicer stuff.

This is the first book I ever bound, using the instructables tutorial.

It's not the prettiest construction wise, but I can still hold it and read it which is at least successful for a first book (tho I did test on comics I didn't care as much about, in case I messed up).

I did a couple more books like this, one being Blue Beetle: Graduation Day (in Spanish) and the other being Artemis: Requiem, and another being Knight Terrors.

Artemis Requiem I think was the last

Next, I found and started using Dave the Designer's tutorial (link) and also got some materials actually targeted at bookbinding. I got bookbinding needles and thread (much thicker and stronger, it's easier to pull the threat through and it feels stronger) and davey board -- though since then I have tried chipboard which is muuuuuuuuuuuuch cheaper and works just as well unless you have a giant comic. Sometimes you have to lay weights on chipboard after gluing it to make sure it doesn't bend though, it likes bending when it is wet a lot.

I did a ton of books in this period. I was mostly interested in making books that had good construction and were good for protecting the comics I sewed together and felt structurally sound. I did not care at all about what the covers looked like, and just wrote titles on them with sharpie. I used mostly linen cloth, buckram cloth, or occasionally spent money on book cloth

After this, my friend linked me this (link) youtube tutorial. It does not get into sewing, because the goal of that person's tutorial is not how to sew but how to rebind paperbacks as hardbacks with fancy covers. The main focus for what I watched is on covers. They use a cricut, I got the cheapest I could find (Joy xtra, not maker or any of the big kinds). It still is expensive (like 150 dollars), and in the linked playlist the youtuber includes how you can decorate without a cricut, though that does leave less freedom for what you can choose... UNLESS you are an artist already!

Shortly before I got the cricut, I did Eric Luke's WW Run

This was when I was getting frustrated I couldn't make the books look pretty on the outside, so I drew a sketch in pencil and colored in with paint pens i had bought for action figure modding (tho im sure any type of sharpies would work).

Anyway, after that I started using the Cricuts for covers. This is the first one:

i messed up on the heat transfer vinyl stuff, so I had to repaint some parts with yellow paint. I haven't had these issues since I started using the bookcloth materials recommended by the cricut youtuber I linked earlier, which are also generally cheaper per unit than where I was getting bookcloth earlier (but shipping is expensive)

Now I do almost all my bookcovers with cricut because once you have the machine it's reasonably priced, the vinyl is pretty cheap, and it's easier on my spoons than hand drawing everything and lets you customize a lot

Lately, I've been trying to make my sewing/construction technique better, and I've been watching videos from DAS bookbinding (link). I tried to do my most recent Huntress comic with the rounded + backed spine with shoulders, not sure that I succeeded, but that's definitely on me because in the tutorial where he explains how to do it without the official material he's like "You should try this with proper equipment first, this is just for binders who took a course and could do the shouldering in a bookbinding course and want to try it on their own without having to buy the proper equipment" and. I have never done a real bookbinding course or used the proper equipment.

Hope this was informative/fun if you made it through!

[pbandjesse]

I am shockingly exhausted. I was not on my best game today. I tried. I really did. But I was beat. And it was hot. And I wasn't as kind as I could have been. I just felt kind of flat. I still did my best. But I would really like to get to sleep. Hopefully I can fall asleep quickly.

I didn't sleep bad last night. But it just wasn't enough. Getting to sleep and extra hour and a half was good. I needed that. But I didn't feel amazing when I got up. I did feel very cute though. I wish I had gotten a better picture but it's fine. I felt good about myself and that was nice enough.

James came to camp with me today. And that was great. They were so helpful. They had packed me a little lunch but I ended up eating the entire thing on the drive to camp. James and me have a dumb joke about if I'm not munching im punching. Which is like an idle hands things. But the munching really came out!! I kept eating because I felt like it would wake me up. But it really didn't.

When we got to camp we beat everyone else. I unlocked the office and we ran into Lou, who seemed happy to see James. I got to work on the schedule I was sending to the teacher of the group tomorrow. I was getting frustrated with myself getting it done but James helped sort it out and we got it sent over before 10 which was the goal.

Then it was straight to work setting up the program. Which is so much easier then it used to be. But it was a lot in the car. I will for sure have to put my seats down. But that's fine. James helped load things up and while they were doing that I opened some packages that were a few of my missing pieces of my program. I'm still missing a few books but I have enough to make tomorrow work at least. Mostly I was excited that my clay came, this was a huge concern and had caused me a lot of stress. We were working through the stress and things would be okay.

James was a lot of help. They made me feel a little better. We would get each station set up. And James kept a list of things we were missing. Which was thankfully not a ton. But I'm sure tomorrow I will find out things that would be nice to have.

James also helped move the picnic table that fell on me on Friday. It also fell on them and cut their arm. We did get the one through the door but it was a huge struggle and the table weighted a ton because it was wet. We did not even bother to try to get a second table in there. We were both way to beat up.

We went back to the art building to get the stuff for the lodge and then stopped at the office to find out about the projector. But the project and screen were missing. This was extra bad because the other group at camp tomorrow is using the projector too. I would end up solving the issue for myself by using an HDMI and a TV screen, and would find the screen for the projector but when I left I don't think they had found the projector yet. No good.

But for the moment we didn't know where things were so me and James would go to the lodge to set up

Except then Heather stopped us because we weren't in the lodge, we were going to be in the hacienda. Oops! Alrighty. We went up there instead.

Setting up tables was annoying but fine. The chairs are way to loud. Being made of aluminum. But we got everything set up and the program materials set out. We were missing a few things but we would sort it out.

We drove up to Yukon to get a few things from the basement to fill in some gaps. Specifically a calico shirt and a ribbon skirt. It made me feel a lot better about tomorrow. Like we have things ready.

We drove back up the the woodlands village and set up the tables with all the materials. And James took videos for the training materials. We were overheated and tired. But we were doing pretty good. Making our way through our to do list.

We went over to the lodge next to get a water cooler. And ran into the y group leaders for tomorrow's retreat. And it turned out my old manager from when I did bubble classes was there! Was nice to see her. I hope their retreat goes well.

James and me walked back to the art building to fill the water. James did some filming. Then over to the Hogan to open the windows and film the last things we would do today. Games and the intro will have to wait because we aren't in the normal spot. That's alright. I would like to have the videos done by the first week of October. I'm hoping I can get a few clips of things in progress tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

We would go back to the office and I would work on a few things on my computer before we headed to lunch. Elizabeth and James looked for the screen for the projector but no luck. She said she would keep looking and we could go eat.

We drove out passed hunt valley to go to five guys. We had a good little meal. I enjoyed James's company. James would get changed to go on a bike ride, and I would drive us closer to hunt valley for them to start their ride.

We hugged in the parking lot and James promised to be careful. And then I headed back to camp.

When I got back to camp I checked in with Elizabeth and made my plan for the afternoon. At 415 we had a group. So I had a few hours. And much to do. Firstly I had to finish my grocery ad. Which took a while but I love how it turned out. But it took most almost through 3. Busy busy busy.

I would do more stuff that needed to be printed but I couldn't get my computer to connect to the printer. Heather would help me when she got back from her outreach. Elizabeth was on a wedding tour so she could not. But Heather would get my stuff printed and things would be fine again.

Though I just remembered I didn't get the schedules printed. Oops. I will make sure that happens in the morning.

I had to laminate a few things. And check that the tv would work work with my laptop. I had to walk back to the lodge to get the HDMI cord. After that I was able to get everything together. But man I was stressed and very very hot.

I got everything in my car and drove it up to the hacienda. This was at 4. I only had a few minutes but I got it done. And was over to the horse barn by 4:12.

I went and parked up there and the bus pulled in right behind me. I helped get the program set up. Which was in three sections: horse riding, leading horses, and horse grooming. I was in charge of the grooming. The kids seemed to really like it and while Denton kept trying to bully Louis (they are both horses), they were mostly good boys. They let me hug their necks and they let the kids feed them hay. It was fun. I also had some nice conversations with the kids about the horses but also just life. It was good. The only thing I would have changed was my shoes and I wish I had more water.

Once we were done I helped put the helmets and the hay sacks (I am allergic to hay why did I do this) away. I was already kind of snotty from the horses and the hay did not help. I was very very ready to go home.

It was a pretty good drive home. I just felt super dirty and desperately wanted to be back home and be clean. James came down to the car after hearing me close the car door. Which they said they can usually tell is me. They got their duffle bag while I brought my stuff in.

They had made me dumplings for dinner which were great but just a little to crispy. I drank a bunch of water and tried to feel more normal. But that wouldn't happen until I took a shower.

After the shower though I felt more like a person but also just more tired. I would collect a few things I still needed for tomorrow. But then I was just kind of bleh. I laid on the couch for a while. Then in the bedroom. I couldn't do anything. I was to sore and to tired.

I would paint my toes. And did my face lotion. I fed the aquatics. I wasn't unhappy, just really tired.

And now I am ready to sleep. I am going to go brush my teeth and hopefully fall asleep fast.

I am very nervous for tomorrow. I really hope this goes well. Cause man is it nerve wracking. Send me good thoughts and good luck. I love you all. Until next time!

[beautriestowrite]

writing journal - january 19th 2025

literally no reason to put the date as the title - I mean you've got eyes but like i think it looks cute. anyways, today's been a massively productive day for writing. as is currently in my bio, i've never actually finished a story before, and i'm hoping to soon. i started writing a short story today that's got the working title "there's nobody here" and i'm thinking just to pants it, usually i try to go way too overly prepared into things and i think that might be something blocking my creative process, and it can't hurt to try different methods right?

anyway, i'm not actually sure where i got the idea from but spotify recommended me the over the garden wall soundtrack and that just kind of set the vibe from it from there. i've had a fascination with aliens as a metaphor recently as i kind of relate to it. i don't really find myself fitting in with particularly anyone but i keep trying and i think that's essentially the spirit of this story. as i said i'm literally just pantsing this thing and seeing where it takes me but i've enjoyed it a lot, maybe i'm born to be a pantser idk i did that a ton with my childhood writing.

anyway, as i tend to do with my art, it's main themes are about whatever the hell is bothering me currently, and that just so happens to be my bloody sexuality. it's doing my head in, so no better place to explore that than to write about someone else going through the same thing i guess. i was originally just kind of going with the alien arrives on earth and gets confused and interested by everything fish out of water trope yada yada and like it's still that but she gradually becomes human as she's learning about this environment. so yea basically the same thing actually im just trying to make myself sound more creative. the point of this wasn't to have a crazy interesting premise anyway, i just wanted to write something decent and actually finish it. i'm not sure how long it's gonna be, but probably not too long

i've been taking a lot of notes from various videos and blogs and i'm excited to actually get to put them into practise. one of which was a great little video i watched which i can't be bothered to link you can find it easy enough but it's about ghibli's story structure and how it differs from the west's. it's obviously more discussing film but it still applies and i want to use it in my own writing. actually watching that video made me have an epiphany to be honest on one of my old ideas that i kept trying to wedge into the hero's journey and it just wasn't working, that's because this east asian structure would suit it much better. i think for a lot of my stories it would be because i really want to explore human nature and self rather than throwing in conflict, i don't think i really work that way. i've never been one for drama or arguing, i mean sure i like watching it, it's funny, and it doesn't mean i'll never write it, but i like this kind of structure that imposes rules and laws of the world as the antagonist rather than people. another thing i've been interested in is the enneagram, localscriptman does a great series about it and it really changed the way i perceive both other people and my own characters. thank goodness too, because they were a bit shit beforehand.

the best way to learn is by doing and i hope that ends up ringing true, i'm just trying to enjoy the process for now. i want to kind of set up a bit of a writing environment and routine so that's something i want to do in future, maybe journaling in this way will be part of it, who knows! i'm just gonna make a focus to keep adding onto my drafts even if just a little every day and see where that gets me for now, trying not to think too much about it, which is a bit ironic as i have already focused on some minute details and planned ahead a little on this story but it's fine, i'll be fine.

[quirkypossum]

personal life shit ahead btw

gonna talk about some personal life bullshit under the cut so if you're not interested in my life drama or potentially triggering shit then I'd scroll past. Content warning for talking about disturbing/self-destructive thoughts, chronic pain and illness, and trans stuff..

well, I'm at the point where I am second-guessing myself again. my mom and her husband actually think I'm a hypochondriac and I didn't help my own thought spiral by watching a bunch of videos on people who supposedly made up their own chronic illnesses for crime or other reasons...

like i genuinely think there has been stuff going on with me for years now, but because i never brought some of it up to doctors at the time they tend to not believe its that serious.. Half the time they blame my symptoms on my weight (something that has changed very little over the last five years not including getting the tits chopped earlier this year) or they will blame it on my diet (another thing that has if anything gotten healthier over the last five years as I've explored more veggies and fruits).

Most recently, I went in after doing a bunch of research on POTS and hypermobility without really saying anything specific, keeping the most specific description at general hypermobility while describing my joints and pain and other problems. Well, the outcome I thought was going to be better because normally they dismiss it and don't do anything but this time it seemed different because my doctor actually ordered new blood tests that I haven't had before to rule out things like arthritis and lupus and stuff. The problem was that she said she would follow up and never did and its been like a month now since then and still nothing. Based on the ranges they show with the tests I'm within range for everything pretty much so part of me wonders if that's why she never reached out to confirm the results or what, but I am planning on sending her a message to ask what the next step is.

I know it's not smart to self-diagnose and do a ton of research into symptoms because you could be wildly off but given the fact that the doctors I keep getting just dismiss everything as normal without really doing anything to check most of the time I just can't forget about it and move on. I shouldn't be dealing with all the health problems that I am at the age that I am. Older adults always say stuff like "wait til you're older, then you'll really know pain" and it makes me so disheartened for my future if I'm already overwhelmed by it all rn. Like I really am at a "whats the fucking point?" type of mental state because of all this.

I feel like no one in my life really believes that the issues I have a real and everyone just thinks i make it all up because I complain a lot. Part of me wonders if I am faking it all and I'm just so delusional that i don't know I'm faking it. It's the same kinds of thoughts I have about being trans sometimes or about money. I've been really trying to avoid self harming lately because of all this shit.... Its so weird cause I'll have a great awesome day where I got all the shit done I needed to do, did something fun, socialized, showered, ate, all of it and at the end of it all I feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet... Like everything I said and did was wrong and of course my doctors don't believe me Im just making it up, of course my brother said no to sitting outside with me, I'm being annoying as usual. idk....

I have so many wishes for my life and my loved ones' lives and my mom always says that obnoxious response of "you wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster" to try and bring me back to reality and make me feel better I guess but obviously it never works. it just makes me feel worse about it like I shouldn't even complain in the first place. I really do wish things were different.

I wish I wasn't in pain every day, I wish I didn't have stomach problems every day, I wish I didn't feel like I might pass out every day, I wish my anxiety was the normal amount and not the terrifying heart palpitations I get every day, I wish I had enough money that these health problems wouldn't worry me so much, I wish my mom didn't have to work her soul-crushing job just to keep a roof over our family's heads, I wish that things were different....

If you read through all of this I applaud you and hope you can't relate to any of it.

[bryonieamber]

this seems like as good a time as any to bring up the fact that several months back, i made like an hour long youtube video analyzing the religious symbolism in The Bitter Suite, but it got taken down because of copyright stuff so i did like two weeks of research and work for nothing.

[39-caterpillars]

vocacolle 2022 autumn favorites

hello i have made the executive decision to post whatever i want so im gonna talk about vocacolle

this last vocacolle was really cool, all of the songs were wonderful and i loved seeing lesser known synths being used more (still cant believe the winners of both the regular and rookie category are utau originals!!)

anyways,, these are some of my personal favs (this is gonna be long, prepare yourself)

スコーピオンガールの貴重な捕食シーン - STEAKA : , im not sure how to describe this song, but its so good. its very "noisy" i guess, i really love the use of miku in this one, its pretty unique. easily one of my favorite favorites

知っちゃった - 椎乃味醂 : i loved this producers vocacolle entry in the spring, so im glad to see that they uploaded one for this one as well and it even was #3! reallygood, plus: yukari talking, i love it

シルバーツインズ - ぬゆり×栗山夕璃 : cmon,,, nulut and kuriyama yuri,, of course its amazing. i am blessed to exist at the time as this collab. its super jazzy, love the instruments in this one

ディストレス - ユギカ : i really like all of yugica's works, super high energy stuff. i adore the second verse on this one, and the mixing in the instrumental break near the end

ワンダールインズ - 晴いちばん : the chords , absolutely stunning , this songs also super catchy, the instrumental before the choruses at the beginning and the bridge are both really beautiful as well

アワーグラス -  柊キライ : this song is like, really weird. i really appreciate that part of it though, sounds kinda like a combination of トゥルーセラピー and ラッキー・ブルート, but still with its own twist on it

TYQOON - Sohbana : meiko!!!! doesnt sound much like her, but i feel like it was the best choice for this song. this is another one with a killer bridge (? idk the part in the middle) , i love the bass during it. i need more meiko in this genre, she really fits it

スペクトラム・ケプストラム - Adeliae : the video for this one is really good, i love the backgrounds. the guitar in this one really stands out to me, and i love the melody. this song has an energy thats hard to describe, but its so, so cool, listen to it

Satellite - a_hisa : this songs very, chill, makes you feel like your floating (thats the best way to describe it) i really like the atmosphere this one has

404ルサンチガール - MINO-U : meiko!!! (part 2) i love mino-u's music a whole lot, and this song doesnt dissapoint in the slightest. really catchy chorus, cute art, whats not to like?

フラッシュバック - なみて : everyone go listen to namitape, now. really chill song, kaai yuki fits really well in this song for not having any lyrics, love the chords in this one as well

Girls Night Party - めろくる : really adorable song, another one with a great instrumental. the vocals are great too, really add to the cute, happy vibe it has going on. love rin in this one

ノンストップメドれ！- また切ない世界を生きる : this songs also pretty crazy, very catchy. yukari really fits with this genre, suprised she isnt used more. huge props for the video, it has a whole ton of editors on it and is such a delight to watch

夢枕にとけこんで - blues : i really hope blues gets more popular, their stuff is super good. this songs super cute, super relaxing, really great listen

流転光速 - フロクロ(Frog96) : this producers great too, love how they do a lot of work with utau. this songs very good, very digital sounding, reminds me of a video game ost

空回りライブラリ -  雪乃イト: another very cute song, i love how popular karin is becoming. this songs really solid overall, i love the little time signature switch in the middle (at least i think it is, it might just be messing with me)

コトダマ - kamome sano : i love teto in this one, it really plays to her strengths i think. this song overall is really interesting, sounds super emotional and heartful while still remaining digital. the music video for this one is really cool as well, i love when visualizers of the instrumentals are included

BREAK OUT SYNDROME - ryo-shun : this song is so cool, i honestly wasn't expecting to find any vocametal originals this time around but i was pleasantly surprised. this song has really well done guitars and drums, really fun to listen to

ドッペルゲンガア - しゃいと : love the energy in this one, especially in the pre-chorus. im surprised this song didnt get more popular

推世 - AsLeep : last but certainly not least (i wasnt going in any particular order anyways) this song feels distincly "vocaloid" in a way thats hard to explain, i really like it. this song feels really emotional, its really incredible

thats it (at least for now, im tired) and im probably writing to no one right now anyways, but i want more people to find and listen to these songs. also, i couldnt get to them all, but all the vocacolle submissions are really great music and they all deserve their own recognition. if anyone has any vocacolle song reccomendations, let me know, super excited for spring 2023!!

[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly  , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude,  nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules,  and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long,  more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members,  as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members,  please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing,  name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

[chrospw-doodles]

When the Ink doesn’t flow

So... for starters this is a rant I wrote somewhere between september and november of 2020, it was intended to be posted in my main blog @chrispriceway back then, but I decided to put this here to avoid being too too personal there, I mean it is supposed to be a happy place to goof around and show you cool stuff, that’s why I made this side blog, to be more personal and less awkard so, yeh.

Chris-Jan.2021

What's up everybody, I know I haven't posted anything in a while and I wanted to adress my abcense and some other stuff that I wanted to talk about but never knew how to bring it up.

So, to those who follow me and dont really know who am I as a content creator:

hi, the name is Christian, you can call me Chris, I'm somewhat of an artist and like to post my stuff here.

Now, even if you have been following me for a while you may have noticed that I really don't post very often and that I haven't been around for a while even if I claim that I'm trying to be more active, well I think it's about time to talk about the issue and make some big changes around here.

But first of all, why does it even matter?

Well, to be honest the past three to four years I haven't really seen my online connection as serious business since I am primarly a student, and school does suck all of my time, the problem with that is that I really feel like I havent been respectful to you, the audience, not that I owe you anything but since I am now trying to make a living from my art, it is necessary to take this connection between the audience seriously and with a bit more respect.

In those three years all I've ever did was too much talk and too little deliver, so I apologize to those people who were really invested into the stuff I do, I really appreciate you guys.

So with that aside...

I wanted to talk about mental health.

well MY mental health

I know what you may be thinking, "what the heck Chris? What does this have to do with you being a lazy ass biss?"

Well, it's kinda simple as it is complicated so I will be putting here some bullets to make it easier to you to navigate through and to let you know how long it is going to be to those who really really just want to skip this post already

Introduction

Danplan Drama

College is a biss

When job becomes priority over school

How did all of this affect my mental state

And how I feel about it

Final thoughts

I'm not okay

Well, was, not anymore (mostly), or at least not as serious as I was some monts ago. Listen, shit went down, it's 2020 and that was inevitable, but I really want to go trough some points to give you context.

This year has been specially rough to me because of some circumstances that a few may know, but for context I'll be telling you about it.

The danplan shit did a lotta damage my bros

Ah, yes, long story short, I was an animator in that channel before the figgin drama

But it wasnt really that bad, you see, I really think that it was inevitable that it was going to end like that because of how are those two, but at the time I had to shut a lot of stuff because I didn't wanted to make it worse as the other animators did... but in retrospective, If we had talked about how we felt about the issue in that moment maybe it could have been better, or maybe not, I don't know and maybe I'll post a rant about it some other time (or maybe I wont), the point. is.

It was emotionally taxing, and to be honest it screwed me very bad. You see, I know I am not that good of an artist in comparisson to the others, nor have the best management of my social media, or another project to keep me on the public eye for a while, and since I went back to school I couldnt possible be hired by another channel because of my lack of time; so loosing my job at danplan was a HUGE deal to me because I knew that none of the jobs available in my country could pay off as good nor be as flexible as being an animator was, so that whole ordeal was really, really frustrating.

Then school became a living hell

Since I escentially lost that job I did try desperately to find anything as good to fill the void (it sounds dramatic but believe me, it felt really bad fam.) So the opportunity presented itself and I took a bone in stephen's channel.

In all honesty it was a good job and it was quite fun, but I didn't really stayed as a full time animator, I believe it was due lack of time or maybe my style wasn't really what they were going for, and tbh fair game... but it was still bad news for me because I was that desperate to find a new job, and I was so inmersed on doing that so I wasn't taking good care of my grades.

So now I had two problems, no job, and I was doing terrible on school because of my obsession with the job hunting.

And at the time I was still part of the community...

I was very active in the dp community and in Pau's server, I found great people and did some art because I really felt happy about it...

But honestly, that didn't last long.

School started to be a real problem and I did fail two of my school subjects, at the end of the semester I was burned out, and sleep deprived, so there was that.

One of my finals was a video talking about the drama and stuff and I've never finished it because I ran out of time and eventually I didn't felt it right abaut it, because it was like opening a grave again, like it was something too disrespectful even if it was originally intended for the sake of the animators, to give them, us, some justice at the end of the day... but I couldn't do it. It wasn't fair to everyone else because they moved on.

And that was the beginning of this crappy thing I've been carrying around.

I just. Can't. Finish. Anything.

I just overthink everything and fail before I begin any of the pieces, or Im about to finish but change my mind because Its. Not. Good. Enough.

I have a TON of pieces that never saw the light of the day BECAUSE I'm not in the right state of mind, and it is painful, because I love doing art as much as I love engaging with you guys, even if you are a few to maybe 10 people, I enjoy it. And It sucks to not be able to do stuff because I feel crappy.

And I know for fact that feeling crappy it's a crappy excuse to not do anything

But I don't mean that to anyone else but myself, because I feel like I could be better and do better, but... it isn't working, the global situation did some damage too, and I've been manageing, still, I haven't been able to finish a lot of stuff and honestly, I just want to come back before I become a ghost account.

So what's up? What's poppin'?

The plan is to try to force myself to finish at least one piece per week to keep this alive until I find the will to work normally again.

Maybe it's not the best solution, but I think this will motivate me a little since I really want to materialize some projects that I have had on the back of my head for a long time now, and I really want to start em' and share it with you along the way... so yeah, that's basically it.

Well, that was a long one, and if you happened read this far, thank you, I really appreciate it.

I hope I will be seeing you soon...

Stay creative, my dudes.

[hybrid-lion]

*lights cigarette and sips tea like Kermit the frog while wearing green*

File under: wyldling stuff

OR

 "You do not want to sell me death sticks… You want to text me and have me do your dishes and sleep on the floor and make art with you.*

 ~Obi Wan

  So let's see…

 I'm about 2 months in now to this foray, it's actually genuinely nice out today despite the cloud cover (I grew up in NE so I enjoy grayish days all the same); I live for both sunny days and can be happy in the rain, but prefer not sleeping in the elements considering what I'm working with (as romantic of an idea it seems).

  This is very much well known of me—

 Oof that hibiscus tea hits just right though..

 That hibiscus tea though..

 Let's see, was able to consolidate the backpack we're still rocking with the 60 ltr. bag and thanks to the organization and efforts of giving people that showed up for us at St. Paul's here  in the community I was able to get a couple things (A ground pad that I might not actually need ((  I might be able to give that to somebody and pay that forward, got a sleeping bag, etc), some utilities. You know how that goes.

 The past two months have been working with the land, cleaning up around town, reaffirming my lessons and send eof value of my self, holding people accountable and choosing where I place my time and energy.

 The folks who organize the cold weather shelter on South Main deserve all the praise, as well as the folx down at the Friendly Kitchen for coming in clutch with regular warm meals. I've dropped some weight out here that I was hoping to keep on walking around but am strong like a taxidermied pachyderm again.

 I've mostly been aiming to get out of the state shortly in the coming days and hit the road again which is my goal. I'm excited to extend myself to apply to different environmental jobs as well as bring my best to the table and good opportunities as they present themselves to me.

I genuinely believe people can choose to stop and take the time to start good processes. I'm aware of what I know and my journey and if you would, some of the ideations of that destiny and would believe others will seize their own alongside me, and choose to avoid standing in my way but with me as well in love and defiance of apathy or inaction, which is why I'm such a vocal proponent of my beliefs. 

 I'm practicing not having to be so vocal so that there is a more contingent balance right now and my energy and efforts are understandably valued as they are similar in weight and goals as other like minded folks.

I've been working out, practicing meditations and forms, and just getting back into the swing of things. My aims and aspirations are clear and I know that my intentions are good as ever.

 

 Where am I is I am currently posted over on one of my favorite benches; don't really know exactly what the day has but I'm looking forward to it—

  I have a heart song that I want to sing when I can sing it for folks without being pressured to do so.

  In my heart the possibilities I have in mind are made reality, and Im quite resolved in handling things as I am capable best and positively fof what the day could bring us jn our best interests and designs.

 

   I've reached out to a couple folks from my past life if you would.

   I am hoping and anticipating that somebody decides to hit me back, as that would be super helpful in not being out. I would ideally find a dry floor to crash on and pull my weight in turn like that Orphans song would echo the sentiment of.

  I'm going to be in the area for a little while and it'd be really reaffirming to catch up on some folks if they chose to and if they decided— 

I forgot I have Honey and Oat granola bars too.. I have snacks. 

This is great.

— as I was  if they decided to do so and it was in their best interest as well—  Genuinely just my best for mine and me these days and forward.

With my comprehension of oneness and many forms of practicality in reality I'll probably check in to different circles and with others when it's appropriate for me without inviting in tons of unneeded chaos in a negative fashion and moreso in Lightness.

Idk if anyone ever thinks of the lightness of chaos, or as I prefer to put it, 

  "I loathe constructive dis-order as I choose to see it…"

 Planned for a lot of adventures in the immediate future that I want to pan out mostly specifically pertaining to artwork as well as hopefully I have my eyes on the horizon, working with the land as well as maybe doing some tending and traveling.

 I would be way better off having somebody with me rather than just solo dolo, physically present.

 I got to feed the birds this morning which was super jovial and fun and I've been doing that frequently with meditations on giving and receiving and just for the sake of it.

I just I picture myself atm unwilling to play the proverbial hermit/ 

I actually still love people and socializing on my best days.

 

Going to be heading up either Northern New England or maybe down to the coastline.

 I would like to see the ocean again.

 I was thinking about that the other day which it occurs to me. 

Honestly even though I've spent time by the water  a lot it occurs to me that I never really like had like an avid passion for hanging out or like experiencing the ocean that much as a young adult or as a kid growing up it wasn't out of like fear it wasn't out of animosity…

(although sharks and things in the depths are very scary you know like stare into as the saying goes into the void the void stares)

 Back like there's probably things down there you wouldn't want to be poking.

 Same could be said for a lot of things but you know also you know when you go into something with the right mentality you have to bear in mind you know your mentality— like usually attracts like if you can bear that in mind. So again absolutely l o a t h e me some constructive dis order 🖤💜❤️💜

   Some of my life teachers or guides or a few out me into these and I in turn should fly over there when able and give them a big ol cup of hibiscus tea and mindful of how greatly I value their and my lessons and blessings in turn.

   So yeah we're excited to see what the Day brings might be breaking for camp I do have to like my cigarette again apparently even though I'm trying to quit and will be putting it shortly

 

You only know what you know and where the day is going to take you as you can plan to have and you always hit some small bumps on the road.

 I'm only expecting the best from myself and others these days which is really good applying my lessons as I see fit and not getting caught up on other people's interests from me and spending my time wisely.

 

Speaking of I do need to go to my old house over alcohol and procure some things I have that planned out with a peace officer and I'm just not going to be letting that situation weigh me down. 

 I'm not going to be associating with my prior abusers from my birth family that can't show up for love.

  I'm literally going for some tools and CM and perhaps my yoga mat, which would be more it'd be easier to carry them to the sleeping mat and it'll be able to use it for yoga.

Stretching in the morning, which has again become very very important to me being out and about all the time and just thinking about it now it's like I want to work on my hamstrings but I'm not going to do that atm.

 I'm still going to be procuring microphone when I have the resources available, more mobile gear than anything but still quality gear so I can get the podcast going in the meantime we're just doing logs and poetry and writing and patching and selling and things that make me happy little enjoy enjoyable pastimes like journaling.

 I've been trying to get back to people as well have met some real ones out here that I would take with me if I was precisely able to, specifically some of the older guys from the shelter and kitchen, a couple of the sisters around my age, a few of my bunkmates and some other seasoned folks who seem like good souls, again focusing on tending to reality of my situation and minding my own.

 Very much back to myself as capable as I've grown,  when I'm able to despite the obstacles that have been conquered as well as the obstacles that have been accomplished and already overcome. 

One door closes, another door opens and there's a time and place to address these kinds of things. Sargeant comes to my house like don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things like— luckily I'm wearing antiperspirant.

  Clean as a whistle over here surprisingly enough even though I can't remember the last time I showered.

 Which is hilarious even though yesterday was Saturday and I should have.

  I should have showered then,

  but I've just been  mobile and like give myself punk baths here and there like the sink bath. Anybody who's ever been at like at like a camp or a conference knows very much about the same bath or a punk bath if you would whatever you want to call it without being too to non PC. 

 Going now I'm going to hit back a couple folks see if anybody will let me stash my pack with them for a little bit while I go over to my prior abusers house just so I don't have like a 60 l plus bag on my back all the way over there and yeah just expecting the best for myself in the immediate future and hopefully people will come along for the ride it'll be super fun lots of good s*** be wild wild times.

    If y'all like my prior content or want to see more of my future content you can just get at me digitally most accessible for me right now when I have my phone charged until I can procure some more gear.

  You  can always contact me if you have to light if you want to like WebEx or zoom/ video chat as well as long as it's appropriate timing and I'd let you know but yeah you know if anybody wants to reach out to me feel free you know you again it would be nice to re–meet some folks. 

you can look at supporting me or helping me get through this tumultuous time and then I turn I can always of course give back to the community to pull my own weight if you would both literally and proverbial as well as see fit you know what would work best for those involved in the meantime I'm probably just going to eat some granola bars and figure out where to put this backpack because it is lofty the luggage is lofty but manageable and I'm keeping it I also really want to go pick up my echeveria from the house I don't know if I can but something's telling me just carry the echeveria around with me even though it's like not exactly it's not exactly portable right now but how like how perfect would it be if I just have my echeveria like on my head or like on the in the back of my pack like like I don't know like I remember I remember being out in SF and seeing folks with like their cats or like their dogs and their rats just hanging out with them on their shoulder and I'm like I'll just take my complex houseplants with me.

   I can effectively do for myself today looks like the sun's coming out peeking out from behind the clouds a little bit and even if it doesn't it's still out there somewhere which is super lovely and yeah other than that many blessings and you know make your day serve you to your utmost potential as only you yourself would know.

You want to get at me or if you want to support my at the time even like the smallest bean of grain–

 You can hit the cow like button

 you can toss a coin to your shifty cat friend 

or you can hit me up on ko-fi so I can then turn by you a coffee however they pronounce that.

 I know the value of my content and I'm going to be putting that on lock or at least some of the more special personal things for folks who want to subscribe to that kind of stuff that'll be done.

 

  IG is still going to be getting regular updates along with my personal snap when I'm able to and in the position too and other than that yeah all y'all have a beautiful beautiful week ahead of you.

~D

@hybrid_lion on IG

 campsite.bio/hybrid_lion

http://liondaydreams.com/

Also if I was meandering through and stopped to say hai and catch up I might be kind of ragged but clean up nice

Working on this one as well...

[pbandjesse]

I tried to touch up my nail polish and it didn't dry right and now is more messed up then before so that's cool.At least Im in a lot less pain today. Its not all gone but its getting better.

I slept in really late. James went for a long bike ride to Annapolis. So I got to have some time alone. Which was nice honestly. I wasn't in a good headspace. I was still upset about finding out I was exposed again. And I was still aching. I needed to accomplish something big.

I got washed and dressed and got myself psyched up. And I cleaned.

I spent so much time cleaning the bathroom. Over an hour. I took everything out and scrubbed the floors. I did all the things. I even had the scrubby drill attachment out. Honestly our floor always looks dirty because the tile was put down poorly and all the edges have so much concrete build up that it just looks very dirty. But I tried my best to make it clean. I scrubbed and wiped and put things away that weren't getting used. It felt good to make the space very clean again. Like we always just touch up clean it but it was good to really work on it. The space is weird so its not always the easiest to take care of, but I am proud of myself.

Once I was done cleaning I was putting everything away and getting ready to take an animal crossing break when James got back! They smelled so bad??? Understandable with an almost 70 mile bike ride but I literally jumped away from them!! We had a big laugh about it.

James took a shower and we talked about the plan for the afternoon. Rest, lunch, groceries, and James needed to edit their podcast.

I felt weird though. After putting so much effort out. I was, and am, still hurting but I was also bored. I didn't know what to do with my energy.

James would go get us Chipolte. Which was really nice and made me feel a lot better honestly. I needed the food. And James got rid of any old food in the fridge so we would have space for groceries later. And then they spend some time editing while I laid in bed.

Groceries was fun. I always like groceries. We didn't need a ton, mostly we needed drinks and papertowels and kitty litter. But we got a few other things and it was nice walking around.

But my chest hurt and I was having some anxiety about being out of the house. I was glad when we were done. James got in line while I went to grab drink powder but I got stuck in the aisle because it got very busy in there all of a sudden and I got back to the register as she was scanning our last few items. But I made it!

We got back and James unloaded everything. And I gave sweetP the special fish treat we got for him which he loved. It was like a whole fish filet. Im glad he got something special.

After that I got to work on cleaning the kitty litter. I deep cleaned our bathroom so I wanted to deep clean sweetP's bathroom too. And I feel like I hadn't done a full change in a while so it was a lot of ammonia smell but I scrubbed everything down and disinfected everything and it was a lot of work but once I was done James was finishing up dinner.

They made us naan and chana masala and it was very good naan. Which they made themselves. And we watched a video. It was nice.

After dinner James headed to the theater to work for a bit. I worked in the studio. I finished sewing the bear faces for James's commission from me. And I worked on my brother's present because he wont let me buy him something. And then I started another stamp. I did not finish it but I made great progress. It was nice to work.

I took a very long shower. My hair was very dirty. But its very curly and pretty right now. I got to use my new oatmeal lotion that's supposed to help my skin. And then had a very tiny pumpkin pie bite. And then James was home!

We have been chilling since then. James is editing in the other room. Im laying with sweetP. Its pretty chilly right now. My hands are cold. But it is alright. It is time to go to sleep.

Let's hope that tomorrow is a fun and good day. Sleep good everyone.

[pbandjesse]

My allergies started going crazy a few hours ago and I am exhausted now. But it was a pretty nice day. James biked all the way to DC. I went to the thrift store. It was a good day.

I didn't sleep great. I keep having a ton of trouble falling asleep. And last night wasn't any different. Having a snack helped a little. But I hate that that seems to be the only thing that helps.

I woke up at 8 when James was getting ready to leave. I hugged them and they shared their location with me so I could see where they were all day. And that helped me not have any aniexty. Love them.

They left and I stayed in bed for an hour. I would eventually get up and get dressed. I had a banana and thai tea for breakfast, and when it was closer to 10 I headed out.

I went to Savers. I had fun looking around but I didn't need anything so I was good about it. I did get a cardigan because that was something I was looking for. And another vintage nightgown. But my best and most useful purchase was a $13 cooler. It is locking, has a drain spout, and it is in great condition. I am so pleased. I am sick of having cold issues with our camp food so this is excellent. And all of our small coolers fit inside of it so I don't even need to worry about storing it. An excellent find.

I thought about lunch next. I was going to go to five guys but it wasn't open yet so I went down the street and had taco bell but I didn't love it. It was fine but honestly I just got full to fash and wanted to go home.

I had some issues with getting home though because there was back up on the highway and so i got off to take a different way but google just sent me back to savers and added 10 miles onto my route and I was already very low on gas so I wasn't happy.

But I got home soon enough. With minimal waiting in traffic. When I got here I saw Margert from the museum and it turned out she is a neighbor!! What! Amazing. And Mr Will was there too. He helped me carry the cooler inside. And I told him our ceiling was still leaking so he and Ms Tina came up to check it out. They still think its rain leaking in and not a pipe, so that's something at least? It will get solved Im sure.

I would put away my purchases. And clean the new cooler. I packed my overnight bag for tuesday, which was just like. 3 things so it was not a big deal. And then I got to work on styling.

I had two people added to my queue that someone else got behind on. So it wasn't a big deal. I only did those two and was good to go.

I would work on my bike. And my carving. I would check on James's progress and for real they made great time. Making it to DC and leaving by the time I was getting home. And they would get back to me before 4.

They texted me and asked if I wanted to walk to Walgreens to get gatoraid. So I said yes and we did that. And then we got to see a neighbor's garden for a garden tour thing they were doing in the neighborhood. It was the end of their thing though so we only saw the one but it was worth it for the conversation. She was a very nice lady.

James got washed up once we got inside. I laid in bed but I didn't nap even though I wanted to. Someone's horn was stuck on for like an hour. We had gone and checked on it but there wasn't anyone around. So it was just loud. I did talk to David from the wedding venue and rescheduled for Thursday. Which will be one year exactly to the wedding. Amazing. Also terrifying. I am still uncomfortable with the money but also I think it will be okay in the end.

Me and James ordered dinner from soups on. It was nice having soup. And we watched a scary video documentary. My allergies continued to get worse as the sun went down. I tried taking a shower and it helped a little. But I feel very very tired from it.

I am in bed now. I hope I can sleep easy tonight. Tomorrow me and James are going to visit our first venue and then carve pumpkins. I am looking forward to a nice day. I hope you all have a good day too. Sleep good everyone. Goodnight!!

[pbandjesse]

I am exhausted. But today was great.

I slept pretty well last night. I woke up and felt kind of blah. But I got dressed and felt really cute. James helped me get my bags to the car. Hugs and kisses. And then I was off.

It was honestly a hard drive. I was way tired and had to focus really hard. People were driving really stupid. And It was just really tough. But I enjoyed my music. My podcasts. I had Mcdonalds. There wasn't like a ton of traffic but it was still a really hard drive out here.

I got here around 1030. It was really nice to see my parents. We sat on the porch and talked until Jess came at 1215. We talked about Jen and the funeral and wedding plans and money and the car. Dad looked good. Mom's hair has gotten so long!! It was a lot of fun though just being with them Felt good.

Jess got here and we all headed out. There was some traffic but mostly it was a nice ride out.

We had brunch first at this little cafe. It was sweet. They gave Jess a free piece of cake. We shared basically everything. It was a good time. But we had a bit of time to waste. That was okay but we had a nice walk over to the shop after we moved the car. We had to back track for my mask. And then we stopped to pet a very cute dog. BUt then we were there!

We had to wait a few minutes. Which was all good. We looked at the magazines. And chatted. I showed the stylist, Jen, some examples and she pulled a beautiful dress for me right away that was so close to what I wanted. The material was perfect. I felt so pretty. Nothing else there really lived up to it. I still had fun trying on things but nothing else was as good.

I liked one that had a high neck and interesting sleeves. But it wasn't right. It was a standing up dress for sure. It was still really fun to try things and play dress up. I even tried on a veil. Didnt think I would like it as much as I did. It was great. Made it all feel real.

We left there after getting some details and information. We walked dow the street to a stationary store and debriefed a little. I also bought a silly little fork. It's shaped like a hand. Did not need. Love very much.

We headed to Ritten House Square next. Took a while to find parking. They got coffees. And then we went to sit in the park. It was nice just looking through the pictures Jess took. And people watching. It was a beautiful day. Once the sun started hitting where we were sitting we headed to the Barnes and Knoble to use the bathroom and then next door the Anthropology.

We were still early so we just looked around. There were some wild things like $150 pairs of prepainted on work pants?? Like they looked cool but like. Thats a lot! It was fun looking regardless though.

I had a much better time at this appointment. The stylist was great. She had pulled a few dresses for me already. Jess picked a few more. And I just had a blast.

The first dress, again, was the favorite. It was very similar to the dress I liked at the first place. But had a different neckline. I really liked it. I felt so pretty. It may be the winner in the end. But well see!!

I had fun trying on more dresses though. Lots of styles and cuts. Some sleeves. Some shorter. I felt very special and pretty and it was great. My skin was a mess and I tried really hard not to focus on that. But I still felt beautiful and I am feeling really good about everything.

But then the drama happened. We headed outside and there were like. Huge groups of people all looking down the street at yelling. I was worried someone was in a fight. But nope. Just terrible evangelical Christians screaming about god hating people. Mom was about to fight them. Me and Jess were yelling that we were witches and sluts and whatever.

And then I saw mom was getting upset at something the guy said. ANd I was just like. Nope. And I took a deep breath and screamed as long and as loud as a could. Just let it all out. All my anger and hurt at the church. At losing my sister. At this last year. I just screamed. It echoed off the building. And then I realized it really shut him up. So whenever he started talking I started screaming. It went on for multiple minutes. There were at least 150 people at the park gathering now. People were cheering and laughing whenever I screamed. I ended up getting closer to try to get mom and the guy started calling me a fat whore, saying my dress was ugly. So I hitched up my dress and started screaming again. He says she cant keep this up. And I was like. Bet. And kept going. FInally I grabbed mom and told the crowd to keep it going. People were clapping. Someone asked for my picture?? Asked if I sung opera?? Told me I should look into it! It was hilarious. We were all shaking. IT was crazy. If someone doesn't find that video somewhere online I will be shocked.

We were all a little shaken though. We got to the car with minimal snipping. But we got there in one piece. We had a mostly quiet ride back home. I was excited though. I may have found a dress? So we don't have to make it?? It will need some tailorin. But like. Im super jazzed.

Jess dropped us off. And we filled dad in. I started getting nauseuus though so I had some watermelon and cracker sandwiches. And I am feeling better now. Mostly just very tired.

I am going to go shower now. And then try to just sleep. Tomorrow we are trying on some more dresses. I am not going to make any decisions yet. I am excited to try more dress's on. This has been really fun.

I hope you all have a great night. Take care of yourselves. Wash your hands!!