#it was well you’ve slept until 1 pm so that’s all the grace you get. up you go

[bodyswapmischief]

The Crossroad Contract

Are you okay?

Yeah? What do you mean?

I don't know ... you have been distracted all night. Like you have been thinking about something. You been constantly looking at your watch. And, you keep looking around like you expecting some one to show up.

Okay, I get it, I get. I don't know ... I guess I just been stressed lately. But, it's nothing you need to worry about.

Are you sure? Because if I didn't know better it kinda feels like your trying to hide from someone. We been dating for a year now, so I know when something is wrong. Did you get into trouble?

No, it's nothing I promise. It just a lot is happening at the ... at the gym. In fact we are planning on creating some branches. I've been waiting to hear from Mark because we are expecting to meet up with some sponsors to help us expand. That's why I've been anxious. We should be having an online meeting, tonight.

What!? That's great! I know once they see how fit and hot you are, you'll have them eating out of your hand. You don't got anything to worry about.

Jason and Eric continued the rest of their date. Jason tried his best to act normal in front of his boyfriend, but inside the fear of what was coming ate at his mind.

Do you want to come inside?

No. I actually got the text from Marc. I need to rush home and get my presentation ready for the zoom meeting we are having.

Jason gave Eric a tight squeeze, as they hugged. Even though Jason was taller, bigger, and stronger than his boyfriend, he felt safe in Eric's arms. He loved this feeling. He loved everything about this past year. And, he wanted to stay in this moment for ever.

But, he knew he couldn't. It wasn't safe to be near Eric, as the night grew later. He gave Eric a kiss a turned back to get into his car. As he drove home, his strong musclar arms shook with the the growing intensity of fear.

Reaching his apartment he prepared himself for what was to come. As the time past, Jason did all he could think to do, pray.

Dear God forgive me for what I did. For give me for my sins. I need you now. I need your strength.

His isn't listening.

The room filled with an echoed laughter. Jason opened his eyes and noticed the room was even darker than before. Sitting on the couch across from him was a what looked like a man. He stretched out comfortably. He was extremely attractive, dressed in an all black suit. His eyes matched, as their were no whites. His eyes were pools of pure black. The expression on his face was one of twisted joy.

It always amuses me that people like you feel worthy of forgiveness.

The figure laughs. And Jason instantly started shaking with fear. He was sure that he head more time. Looking at the clock, 11:00 pm, he should have had an hour left

Do you need to be reminded of the 5 soul you destroyed to summon me? The poor souls you used to selfishly stir up this deal. The things you did to have the body of your dreams.

The man continued his laughing. Jason tried to speak up, but fear gagged any attempt at sound.

What cat got your tongue? Don't you remember how you stabbed your father in his heart, as he slept. What about your mother? She woke up to the bloody sight. Your father bleeding out. She started screaming. How many times did you stabbed her in the neck? And your poor sister, at first she thought you enter her room to protect her, but once she saw the blood she knew the truth...

Stop!! Shut the fuck up!!! I don't want to hear it!!!

Tears started streaming down Jason's face.

Wow, someone has major balls yelling at a demon. But, your right ... what you did to your two friends was way worst...

Please shut up! If I could go back, I would have never done it. I'm sorry... Take this back ... I don't want this ...

Jason collapsed on the floor begging to the demon he summoned a year ago. His heart screamed with the pain of what he had done.

It's a little late for that, now isn't it. We made a deal. Those 5 souls for your "perfect body." It's not like I can just recreate those 5 souls for you. That body is now permanently yours for as long as you live. Live... now that's a funny word. Because it brings me to my real reason for coming here tonight. You know what I'm talking about. It's been a year buddy ... and you haven't delivered a new souls to hell. Do I need to remind you about the second clause of our agreement.

No... I know.. In order to stay alive in my new body. I must continue to kill a minimum of 1 person every year, otherwise I'll be dragged to hell.

Jason wiped away his tears feeling of defeated. In a strange way he wanted this. He felt like he deserved it. The guilt of killing his family and friends weighed on him for the entire year.

Well then do it! Take me to hell.

The demon smiled as chains emerged from him. They snaked around the room and wrapped around Jason. The strung around him and stabbed into his skin. He screamed out in pain. And, painfully his body started moving on its own.

Tears started forming in his eyes, as he feared his fate. In the corner of his room, a figure started to take shape. The closer he got the clear the figure became and the more he tried to scream. But, all that came out of his mouth were moans of panic.

Standing in front of him was a monster. The creatures body was tall with stretched limbs. It's skin was pale and was patterned with sores and cuts. It stood on bended knees. It fingers were long and curled, in disfigurement. It's nails black and sharp, resembling claws. The face was long and sunken in at the empty eye sockets. The skin hung loose on the bone. Holes done by picking reveled deep layers underneath the skin. It lips were cracked and torn.

The demon laughed.

Do you still wish to go to hell?

Jason was able to regain his movement and feel to the floor. From the corner of his eyes Jason could see the creature lung down towards him. Expecting to be ripped apart by the creature he closed his eyes. But, seconds past and nothing happened. Slowly he open his eyes and looked up. The creature was also looking up. The Demon started to do a soft chuckle.

Jason slowly picked himself up, not sure what was going on. The creature did the same. The Demon's chuckles got louder. Jason started slowly walking backwards away from the creature. The creature did the same creating more space between then. The demon was laughing hysterically now.

How do you not see it it? Are you really that blind to the situation?

The words rang through Jason's mind. His faced turned to shock. And in a twisted way the creature face also turned to one of shock. As Jason looked at the empty sockets of the creature, his brain works 1 billion times per second. He was looking at himself. He looked down at his body and still saw the ripped muscular body of his dreams. But, looking back at the creature he could see it was also him twisted, stretch, tortured, and mutilated.

What the hell is going on? What did you do to me?

I didn't do anything. I'm just merely showing you your true reflection. Yes on the outside and to the world, you look like a beefcake. But, once you leave that vessel. Once you die, this is your truth. Your true form, this is how you really look.

Jason stood in shock. He lifted his hands to his face. Touching his features and the creature did the same.

This can't be.

What!? You sold your soul Jason. You couldn't think your soul would still look pure and beautiful. God has disowned you and cursed your appearance to match. You are scared of becoming a monster. But, you already are one. Let yourself be one.

Jason fell to the floor, sobbing, The adrenaline from the fear starting to wear off. He was tired and defeated.

So what now!? Your going take away my body and torture me for all eternity, while looking like some type of monster!

Well that's up to you, Jason. You signed the contract. You know the consequences. Either take a life and live in this extremely attractive vessel for another year, or lose everything and be tortured until that mind of yours becomes just as twisted as your soul. Either way you become one of Lucifier's pets. But, doing it the easy way, at least you continue to look hot and have some sense of yourself still intact.

But, this body won't last for ever. Eventually it's going to die... so. I'd have nothing eventually.

Jason!! What don't you understand! Your a demon now. You are basically employed by the devil. Once that body becomes obsolete, and you are in good graces with Lucifer, you will receive a new body, in order to complete the work Lucifer ask of you.

So if I make the devil happy ... I can live the life I always wanted... and more.

Now, someone's getting it. Let the monster within, be unleashed. Let your dark desires free. You've killed once and you can do it again. Deep down you know you crave it. But you better work fast. By the looks of the clock ... you only have 30 minutes left.

Why are you telling me all this.

Your my recruit... if you do a good job... it also make me look good. And, I'm looking for a promotion.

The demon winks and with a flash he vanished. Jason looked around the room and catches a glimpse of his reflection. For a split second, he saw the demonic reflection of his soul. And, in that moment everything clicked. He had to stop pretending. He had to let loose and be himself. Be the monster. He knew what he had to do. He couldn't let everything he worked for slip away from his grasp. The souls of his family and friends would just be wasted. He might be a monster but he didn't have to look like one. He still deserved happiness, right? He deserved power. He wanted more power.

Now, that he knew what was at stake he started to really think to himself.. if this body was just given to him for signing a contract, then what else would he be able to achieve if he continued to make Lucifer happy.

He went to his kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife he had and slid it inside the back of his pants.

He pulled out his phone and started texting.

Hey babe, the meeting ended and it went really well. There was no reason to be anxious, in the first place. You were right. I thought I'd come back to your place. So, we could celebrate and I can release this tension I been holding in all day. I'll be there in 5 minutes. I'm dying to stick it in you 😉

Wow, the meeting must have gone great! You're not usually this flirty and direct. But, I like it. It's turning me on. Hurry, I'll be here waiting.

Jason looked up from his phone and smiled as he walked to his boyfriends apartment, a few minutes down the street. The thoughts of ramming his knife, into his lover, turned him on.

[tk-pierre-blog]

Chapter 1 of McDanno Coda Fic

Steve was sitting up straight, head facing rigidly ahead; he reread the poster on the wall in front of him. It was an infographic of the heart. It talked about the different parts of it and how to keep it healthy. This was his 8th time rereading it. He knew it by heart at this point, he smirked at his own silent pun, but he needed something to distract him, distract him from the holes Danny’s eyes were burning into him.

Danny was sitting to his left, his goofball behavior from the last time they were in a hospital room was gone.

Steve had pointed at the otoscope when the doctor had left the room five minutes ago. “Vant to check for brain?” He had said with a smirk, “znothing...zere…” the smirk faded at Danny’s look of concern and anguish.

Since then, no matter how many times Steve would ask Danny to cheer up, tell him that he would be fine, Danny still stared at Steve with his big sad eyes. Danny’s memory had also flashed back to the last time they had gone to the hospital together, but not to the play doctor fun they had. He was thinking about how the last time they were in a hospital together, he had specifically asked the doctor if Steve had radiation poisoning. The answer had been no. Danny knew that certain tests had to be run to look for it, that it had to be looked for in the first place, they hadn’t been looking for it that one time. This is what he kept telling himself. He tried to shut up the part in his brain that was asking him, telling him, he should have asked them to look for it specifically, maybe if they had found out sooner, Steve wouldn’t be in this mess. Why hadn’t he asked for Steve to get checked for it sooner?

Finally the door opened and Danny's attention diverted to the doctor walking in.

“So?” Danny broke the silence first, coming to his feet, his voice low, itchy and dry in his throat.

“Well, you do have radiation poisoning Mr. McGarrett.”

“Commander.” Danny corrected quietly, without realizing. His voice lower than he ever thought possible.

“Yeah, I know I do.” Steve nodded, his shoulders were pulled back, his face taut. He was in military mode, Danny noted, repressing his emotions.

“The reason we wanted you to do the tests, doc, was to get a second opinion from a different doctor.” Danny forced down a ragged breath as he looked up at the doctor, “different opinion on the outcome. How…” he waved his hand, not being able to vocalize the dark thoughts clouding his mind.

“How long he has.” The doctor nodded. The way he said it was a little too nonchalantly for Danny's liking. It made him want to punch the doctor in the face. “Well, what did your doctor tell you?” He looked at Steve.

Danny's worried eyes turned back to Steve. Ever since finding out, he'd been trying to get Steve to tell him the specific words the doctor had said, but Steve just kept repeating what he had said when they’d been standing outside the bathroom.

“Alright, ten different opinions,” Danny had told him that night, once he was able to recompose himself enough to follow Steve into the kitchen. “Let’s go get the second opinion tomorrow.”

“What?” Steve asked, staring up at him from the seat he had taken, he looked so pale and unlike himself, it was making Danny’s head dizzy with fears.

“Yeah, tomorrow morning, we go see a different doctor. Have em run some tests, get their opinion.” Danny said. Steve knew Danny wouldn't let him say no so he decided to agree and avoid the argument.

There they were, nearly a week later, called back in for the test results. Steve was still trying to figure out how to answer the question the doctor had asked him.

“It-" he glanced at Danny, his face rearranged itself for a split second, too fast for Danny to classify it, before going stoic again, “it doesn't matter what the other doctor said.” Then, at Danny's upset face, “just that there might… will most likely be some complications down the line.”

“Yes, well the fact that you didn't start experiencing radiation poisoning symptoms within your first 24 hours of exposure is a good sign. That means that the amount of radiation your body absorbed wasn't intensely severe.”

“He's been throwing up a lot lately.” Danny said, shifting the weight on his feet, his eyebrows were burrowed so close together they seemed to be one.

~~~ flashback time ~~~

That night, at Jerry’s celebration party, Danny decided it would be best if he and Charlie slept over, that way they could go get the tests run at the hospital the next day, while Nahele watched Charlie.

“Nahele, is it alright if Danny and Charlie sleep over?” Steve asked, once everyone but Danny and Charlie had left the party.

Nahele nodded, it wasn’t unusual for Danny to crash on their couch every so often.

“Alright, I’ll sleep in my parents room, you can take mine,” Steve said placing his hand on Nahele’s shoulder, “Charlie can sleep in yours, that cool?”

This was what usually happened whenever another Williams slept over too. Nahele nodded, “I’ll go change the sheets on the beds.”

“Thank you.” Steve said, Danny echoing him.

“Charlie, do you want to go help him?” Danny asked, Charlie gave him a big smile and nod, Nahele chuckled and led Charlie upstairs. Danny’s eyes followed them up, then he followed Steve into the kitchen.

“Have you told him?” He asked as he jumped up on the kitchen counter.

“I just found out yesterday morning.”

“So, no.”

“You're the first person I told Danny. He just got back from a school year abroad, okay. We’re still catching up. He doesn’t even know about the dirty bomb. And it’s not even a big deal right now, you know, why worry him, it’s all long term. I’m okay.”

“Uh Huh.” Danny said eyeing Steve’s pale face. He had noticed Steve hadn’t seemed to be getting better as the night progressed, though he put on a “nothing's wrong” face for everyone else, he’d disappeared to the bathroom four more times during the party. Danny wondered if this had been going for a while and he just hadn’t noticed until now, he had been out of town most of last week.

“Danny will you stop it, with that look. C’mon, I’m craving some pancakes, let’s make some pancakes for the boys.” Steve said turning his back to Danny to fetch the ingredients.

“Steve, it’s nearly midnight. And it’s a Monday. They need to go to bed.”

“Charlie’s five! He can miss a day of kindergarten. And Nahele, he’s already done with school remember, with the whole Junior year abroad, took his finals last week.” Steve suddenly turned back around, an excited grin on his face.

“Mhmm.” Danny said cautiously.

“We can sleep in. Go out for breakfast, maybe pull Gracie out of - or not. Or Not.”

“Her finals are coming up! What you want to pull Grace out of school during her, what, her uh- uh review sessions? You want her to get Fs on her Freshman year report card, huh? Let me tell you something, she’s not going to play hooky, okay? Just because you get to break the rules, that doesn’t mean she can. Don’t teach her that, please.”

“I was just thinking, you know. She’s been studying real hard right? Couldn’t come today because of it. Thought it’d be nice if the five us could go out to eat. Nahele’s been gone for almost a year. Thought it’d be nice if we could all go out to eat together; been a while since the five of us went out to eat. A family meal or somethin…”  

“Okay, well, how bout uh, we do a family dinner instead.”

Steve smiled, “ok.”

“Pancakes?!” Nahele and Charlie said in unison as they walked into the kitchen. Nahele had some fresh sheets in his arms and Charlie was holding clean pillows.

“Yeah,” Danny hopped off the counter, “Steve’s idea.” He gave Steve’s shoulders a quick squeeze before going to fetch the rest of the materials.

“Okay, well we changed the sheets upstairs, just need to change the sheets in my room.” Nahele said, Steve and Danny thanked them as he and Charlie walked into the bedroom across from the kitchen, the one that used to be Mary’s, a long time ago.

At three am, when Danny woke up to go the bathroom he found Steve in the kitchen drinking chocolate milk, turns out he’d woken up in a cold sweat, running to go throw up. At four am, two pukes later, Steve and Danny wondered if Danny should go sleep in the Master bedroom upstairs with Steve, to keep an eye on him. At five am, Charlie woke up screaming from a nightmare and Steve and Danny ran to his room to comfort him. At seven am Steve found himself waking up in the downstairs bedroom, sleeping on top of the sheets, Danny sound asleep on the other side, atop the sheets as well, Charlie tucked in snugly between them; Steve fell back asleep with a smile on his face. At nine am, after another bathroom session and a quick shower, and check in on Nahele, who was snoring comfortably in Steve’s bedroom, Steve re-joined Danny and Charlie in the 1st floor bedroom. At noon, Steve was woken up by a call from Chin, he reached quickly for his phone, silencing it, scared it’d wake up Charlie and Danny, only to blink open his eyes and see they weren’t on the bed with him, in his confusion he missed Chins call, he then fell back asleep by accident. At one pm he woke up to Danny lightly shaking him, saying they had missed the timeframe for their whole breakfast plan and that he was pretty sure Nahele would sleep in till 9 pm if they didn’t go wake him up right now.  

“Hey, uh, I think Chin called me.” Steve said as he and Danny walked up the stairs, he swept his hands across his face, still groggy from sleep.

“Yeah. Kono. I’ll fill you in later.” Danny said, Steve’s eyebrows burrowed, that woke him up.

“Hey! He’s up! It’s a miracle.” Danny grinned when he and Steve walked into the bedroom.

Nahele was sitting up on the bed, Charlie sitting across from him giggling.

“Uh huh. Charlie told me you sent him up here to jump on the bed.” He said, before going to tickle Charlie. Charlie let out a scream of laughter as he tried to wiggle free.

“Yeah cause you’ve been saying five more minutes for the past two hours.” Danny said hands lifting in the air in frustration, then pointing at the bathroom. “You're lucky he woke you up because I was getting ready to dump some cold water on you.”

Steve chuckled as he looked at Nahele, “don’t worry I just woke up too.”

“Shower, both of ya. Charlie and I have already showered and brushed our teeth, changed, had a nice little breakfast from the left over pancakes. There’s plates waiting for you downstairs. Oh and uh, Grover offered to bring Gracie by after school, it lets out in an hour or so.”

“I already showered.” Steve said, turning to Danny. In the background Charlie decided he would use the distraction to try and break free from Nahele’s arms.

“You what?” Danny said, staring at Steve. Nahele was too quick for Charlie and quickly brought him back in for another tickle session.

“I already showered.”

“When, in your sleep?”

“No I woke up early and showered.”

“Then went back to sleep…” Danny asked, shoulders lifting.

“... yeah.” Steve gave him a firm  nod.

Danny just stared at him, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“Okay. Well. Good. Can you come downstairs for a second, I need to talk to you. Charlie you're in charge, make sure Nahele brushes his teeth.” Charlie nodded with a big smile, staring triumphantly at Nahele as he stopped tickling him. Danny reached to grab Steve’s arm and led him downstairs.

“Whats up?”

“Uh. A few things.” Danny said as he tilted his head to the side. Steve crossed his arms, eyebrows furrowing.

“Um. Let’s start with Kono.”

“Yeah what happened, she didn’t come to the party last night, she okay?”

“No. Yes. She’s, she’s fine. She’s in Carson City.” Danny nodded, “Trying to take down the sex trafficking ring there.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up, chin shooting forward. “Does she need back up? I mean what happened?”

“Uh, well. Adam got back from a business meeting with Hirsch and found a letter on his bed. Sound familiar, huh Dear Danno ?”

“That, doesn’t sound like Kono.”

“Well no, but uh, well, this is something that was very important to her. She goes home to get ready for the party. Can’t shake the feeling that she should be doing something more. Tried calling Adam, left a voicemail, nice touch, wrote him a letter, then booked the first flight out of here. Adam called Chin as soon as he heard the voicemail. Her plane landed this morning. Talked to Adam. Talked to Chin.”

Steve nodded, eyes settling on the counter for a second, Danny let him process. “Okay,” Steve finally spoke up, eyes landing on Danny again, “what’s the other thing? You said it was more than one thing.”

“Yeah. Uh. Your decision.” Danny’s hand went out to briefly rest on Steve’s chest. “And I want you to know that I will support you on whatever you decide. But uh, what do you want to tell everyone, if you want to tell anyone.”

Steve nodded. “Um. Well, we tell each other everything in five-o right? We’re ohona.” Danny nodded. “As for the kids… what do you think?”

Danny’s eyes shifted to the side, his head tilting. “This morning at breakfast, Charlie was asking why Uncle Steve was throwing up so much yesterday. I think Nahele’s noticed it too. I mean, trust me, I get not wanting to worry them, especially for something we’re not really sure about yet. But, I do think they’ll notice somethings up. Especially if you keep throwing up like you have been for the past 24 hours.”

Steve nodded, head dropping for a second.

~~~ Back in the hospital in now time ~~~

“Well yes,” the doctor said, bringing Danny back to reality, “he’s been throwing up because his body still absorbed some of the radiation poisoning. The pills your doctor prescribed you, do you feel that they aren't working?”

“Just, some days better than others.” Steve replied, eyes locking with Danny.

“Well, have you noticed the effects more on stressful days? You run a task force, I imagine you've had a lot of those.”

“Could that make him more sick? He uh, he jumped off a really high bridge onto a moving truck a few days ago, I think that’s what started this bad throw up spell. Uh, a week before that he scaled up the side of a building, like spiderman, to stop some terrorist from blowing up a plane.” Danny said before Steve could open his mouth.

“Well,” the doctor said, trying to wrap his head around those scenarios, “stress can make anyone sick Detective Williams. Especially a build up of it. The body releases certain chemicals and hormones that-”

“What about the liver?” Danny asked, “he has a liver transplant.”

“Yes, you mentioned that when you came in for the tests, and it is on his medical file. Stress has been shown to negatively affect the liver, blood flow to the part of the brain that controls the liver is impaired when under high amounts of stress, NKT cells expand when stressed and can cause liver cell death, cortiso-”

“Okay, so… what are you saying doc?” Danny cut him off, hand pinching the bridge of his nose.

Steve’s eyes were on Danny, he could hear the panic, feel the panic radiating from the man. “Danny.” He said, surprised by how low and dry the name came out. He took a hard swallow and a deep breath, “Danny I’m going to be fine.”

Danny’s head swiveled to face Steve, he was still wearing a reserved, quiet, facial expression. “You're going to be fine?” Danny said, not meaning for it to come out so accusatory and angry.  

Steve reached out and clasped his hand around his partner's shoulder. It surprised Danny how much that calmed him down. They maintained eye contact with each other, as if sharing secret telepathic messages.

“There is the possibility of cancer or leukemia developing down the line.”

Danny’s eyes slammed shut at the doctor's words, he was finding it hard to breathe and could feel his heart trying to rip out of his chest, he wasn’t sure how, or if, he was still standing, everything was spinning, everything was spinning and he felt like he was crashing, like he was drowning, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t breath.

“Hey.” Danny could hear Steve saying, but there was a pounding in his ears that made Steve's voice sound like a muffled whisper. He felt the warmth and tightness around his shoulder disappear, only to reappear half a second later on his jawline. He let the weight of his head lean into Steve's hand, the pounding sound slowly fading. He drew in a heavy shaky breath. He let it out. Finally, he let himself open his eyes and Steve was standing right in front of him, he'd jumped off the examination table and his face was now leveled with Danny's.

“Where's the doctor?” Danny asked, voice miserable, eyes not leaving Steve's for a second.

“I asked him to give us a minute.” Steve said, his eyes were wide and peering into Danny's, as if blinking might cause Danny to disappear.

“C’mere.” Steve said after a beat, straightening up and cupping Danny's neck and back, pulling him into a hug. Danny’s arms wrapped tightly around Steve, his hands clutching onto the back of Steve’s shirt.

It was normal for them to hug, they'd shared many soul crushing hugs after many life or death moments. But this one was different. It felt... different .

“I'm going to be okay.” Steve said, after what had felt like five minutes, arms still tightly wrapped around Danny, head resting on Danny’s.

“I know you are.” Danny replied softly, voice slightly muffled, head still pressing against Steve's chest in their hug. He didn't make any sign of moving or releasing Steve anytime soon. The sound of Steve's heart beat calmed him down, it was strong and steady, unlike his own frantic one. He didn't want to let go until both were in sync.

1st Chapter of my We Have To Tell You Something McDanno coda for post season 7 pre season 8. I’m uploading weekly to AO3, chapter 2 is already up :)

https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarinaWrites/pseuds/KarinaWrites/works

[gingerambition]

Ginger vs. Labor Day Weekend

While you were in The Hamptons enjoying your last weekend to wear your white supremacy, I was smacking murses butts and gearing up for a sexual harassment case. Just kidding, the only butt involved was my own, at an urgent care, getting 2 shots because, “well, technically you should be in the ER because we don’t do IV antibiotics here, but we’re gonna give you a couple shots and hope that works.” Mad respect for the blatant medical procrastination and pure laziness approach, very ballsy, which I’m usually all about - like that is my healthcare aesthetic to a T and my personal recommendation to replace Obamacare - but it didn’t work. I should’ve known since it typically takes about 4 shots for me to feel anything, including joy.

I spent three days and two nights posted up in a twin size bed at the hospital with a kidney infection. It was like the world’s shittiest sleepover party where instead of staying up until 2 AM playing 20 questions with boys over AIM asking boxers or briefs, a nurse is drawing your blood in the same spot for the 8th time. Hand to God, not the first time I’ve half-asleep said, “try another hole.” The nurses kept trying to get me to walk around the halls in my anti-slip crew socks with my IV poll and I was like F to the no am I walking around braless and hunched over like the evil queen in Snow White. If I can’t at least duct tape my tits together I am not leaving my bed. (Yes, that is an actual thing I would do in college when mesh back bodycon dresses were trendy, and apparently still are if your last name is Kardashian. Nice little duct tape bridge across the mosquito bites does the trick every time. Easy to take off when you’re drunk, hard to explain in the morning when it looks like the dude robbed a Home Depot.) 

This all started Tuesday AM when I began having some aggressive back pain. At first I thought oh my god, are my boobs big enough to complain about my back hurting?! But then I looked down and could still see my feet, so no. From there I assumed, and my primary care doctor agreed, I just inflamed some muscles unpacking boxes of my literal relationship baggage Monday night because my ex finally shipped my stuff and I was thrilled to go through 3 boxes all labeled “wine glasses.” 

Skip ahead like my parents watching “Game of Thrones” to Friday night, and I’m puking, shivering under a blanket wearing an off the shoulder top so I legit look naked, and taking a bean bag to the face for being lame at a pregame. Obviously I didn’t make it out. The following urgent care details, ER visit #1 Sunday AM, and ER visit #2 Sunday PM, are boring and nothing like Seattle Grace, but it was basically multiple male doctors mansplaining a UTI to me. 

Just for a little background info I’ve had an unusually high number of these in my lifetime, probably close to 30, and if you’re a girl you fucking KNOW when you have one. No part of you is like, “Mayyyyyybe it’s a UTI? Idk, I’ll finish my Panera you-pick-two, chug a La Croix and see if I feel better.” No, if you’ve had a UTI your only thought is, is this urge to pee legit or nah. When you finally get to squeeze those two drops out it feels like birthing a thousand hot steak knives like you’re the dishwasher at a god damn Outback. But yes Dr., please go on about “vaginal irritation” after I’ve already told you I’ve had both a UTI and a kidney infection before. 

One of the tests they did was an ultrasound to check out my lady tubing and the doctor must’ve referred to me as a “unmarried young female” like a thousand times. “We run this test on unmarried young females . . . avoiding radiation on unmarried young females . . . paints a really clear picture for unmarried young females . . . “ Fairly certain I involuntarily rolled my eyes every time he said it too. I must’ve looked as crazy as I actually am.

I don’t even known how I got the kidney infection in the first place. Certainly not the fun way of forgetting to pee after drunk sex. Haven’t been chilling in any wet bathing suits or sitting spread eagle in a bubble bath lately either. The last time I had a kidney infection was 2012 while was dating my ex and I thought, if that dick can put me in the ER, that is the dick for me. I legitimately had that on my list of reasons why I thought he was “the [first] one.” I sure know how to pick ‘em, huh?

Anyway, I briefly moved into the hospital, watched a shit ton of TV, ate my weight in cubed citrus jello, and stole a mug because if I am going to pay 10k for this weekend and not leave the state I want a souvenir. Didn’t meet a single attractive nurse, doctor, surgeon, urologist, or food services employee. I barely slept because CT scans after midnight are apparently a thing and if I did fall asleep it wasn’t for long because sleeping with your IV hand under your head fucking hurts. Now I’m home, unable to drink for 9 more days (not that I have a countdown like its Christmas) and have just enough energy to stay awake but not enough to be productive. Good thing I drunk bought a dart board on Amazon last weekend. Until next time tacos and hot dogs.

[anamelesstraveler]

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A Sterek fanfic, rated E.

Chapter 9/? | 6,563 words

Deputy Stiles Stilinski is fascinated with Beacon Hills’ serial killer cold case of 2011, to the point of obsession. He's going to solve it if it kills him. It's that last bit that lands him on mandatory health leave. It's his own bad decision-making that puts him in the middle of the woods at night. Going off the path to help a wolf caught in a hunter’s snare? That one he’s not sure about.

An AU where Scott was never bitten, Derek never followed Laura to Beacon Hills, and Peter was never caught.

This story includes a vague attempt at a murder mystery, human Alpha Stiles Stilinski (which he did not sign up for), full shift werewolves, Pack dynamics, OCs, Derek Hale having a life outside of tragedy, nonbinary Scott McCall, and titles that are way too long.

Warning this chapter for discussion of Kate and Derek’s relationship, and all the things that entails.

Chapter 9: Letting people down is my thing, baby (this town ain’t big enough for two of us)

——————–1———————

Derek Hale is brought in in handcuffs. Stiles leaps to his feet the moment Derek appears in the doorway, flanked by Deputy Haigh and a weary looking Deputy Parrish. (Stiles absolutely does not notice so quickly because he’s been watching the door since the deputies left. Not at all.) “What are you doing?” he hisses at them as they near. “This is a voluntary interview!”

“He assaulted me,” Haigh says with a nasty smile. Stiles ire ramps up just looking at it. He’d always known Haigh was a grade-A asshole, but his desire to punch the smile right off his face goes past that today. Why, he doesn’t want to think about.

Parrish’s frown at the declaration tells Stiles everything he needs to know. The resigned, guarded look in Derek’s eyes is only a bonus - and not a happy one. Stupid, rule-bending, bad cop posturing bullshit. “Get the handcuffs off him,” he orders.

“Last I checked, you weren’t above me on the chain of command, rookie.”

“No, but I am, Deputy Haigh.” All of them flinch as the Sheriff materializes behind them, his face stern. “Handcuffs off him, Haigh. I’ll speak with you later.”

Haigh at least has the grace to keep his scowling subtle as he steps behind Derek. But Stiles isn’t imagining the unnecessary tug Haigh gives Derek’s arms as he unlocks the cuffs. Stiles clenches his fists, eyes narrowing, glaring at the man until he finally makes the retreat back towards his desk. “Sorry, man,” Stiles says as soon as the deputy is out of earshot. “It was supposed to be voluntary--”

“Let’s get this over with,” Derek interrupts. But he’s not speaking to Stiles. He’s not even looking at Stiles. He’s looking straight past him at Sheriff Stilinski instead. He shoulders his way past without even the slightest acknowledgment. Stiles’ jaw clicks shut, stung by the cold reception.

“You okay?” Parrish asks him quietly, glancing from Stiles to Derek’s retreating back.

“Y-Yeah. Yeah it’s… no, it’s fine,” he stammers. But his reassurances sound flat even to his ears. The expression of sympathy that Parrish shoots him only brings a sour taste to his mouth.

Parrish pats his shoulder. “Come on. We can go watch.”

“Parrish,” Stiles manages to gasp with dramatic flair. “That is downright sneaky of you. You, our golden boy deputy!”

“It’s not sneaky when we’re on the case,” Parrish argues. He ushers Stiles towards the interrogation room (a glorified conference room that they sectioned off into two rooms and stuck a viewing window in), not that he has to convince Stiles.

They slip into the observation booth just as Derek and the Sheriff are getting past the pleasantries. Stiles tunes out the reading of his rights during questioning and the official apologies for Haigh’s behavior. Instead he watches Derek. Stiles can actually see the man closing off. He’s starting to get a sense of his body language now (which has nothing to do with his less than advisable fascination with the man - nope). Stiles has learned to gauge just how defensive Derek is in the tense line of his jaw, in the severe downward slash of his mouth.

“So uh,” Parrish begins, “what as that out there with Hale?”

For a moment, Stiles debates whether he should tell Parrish anything. But, in the end, he knows his fellow deputy is a good guy. Kind of unfailingly optimistic and loyal in a way that too few people are. It makes even Stiles’ cynicism waver.  “Surprised my dad hasn’t told you.”

“Ah, I’m not the lead on this case or anything. If it’s not pertinent, I don’t see why he would.”

“It’s… pertinent,” Stiles admits. He runs a hand through his hair. “I might have slept with the guy. And… then realize he could be involved after.”

Beside him, Parrish’s eyes go wide. “Like… like right after? So, what’d you do?”

Stiles winces. “Uh, well...”

“Did you… just run off?”

They share the next grimace. Because Stiles can’t even deny that he ran off like a complete coward. Under any normal circumstance it’d be definite grounds for Derek’s cold treatment of him. And then the next time they meet is when the man is being brought in for questioning? Under Stiles’ request?

Yeah, Stiles is an asshole. Even if it’s more complicated than just him sneaking away after sex, he’s still an asshole.

“That’s rough, buddy,” Parrish says helpfully.

He sighs. “Thanks.”

His father’s voice drifts through the speakers, forcing them into silence. “Why don’t you tell me why you came back to town, Mister Hale.”

“I came back to clean up the estate. Too many of our family properties are struggling. Or defaulting altogether.” Derek’s word are perfectly civil. And yet his expression gives off all the impression of a cornered animal - poised but dangerous, looking for an opening.

“They’ve been failing for a while,” the Sheriff remarks. “Why now?”

He shrugs. “Ever since the fire, we let investors take care of them. We were hands off. I didn’t look at any of the reports until this year.” Derek doesn’t avert his eyes. He doesn’t even fidget. The only outward sign of anything is the way his jaw clenches.

It’s so perfectly controlled that it can be nothing other than suspicious.

‘Get him, Dad,’ Stiles silently urges.

Inside the next room, his father leans his elbows onto the table. “Look, son, I won’t lie to you.” There’s no missing the way Derek bristles at the familiarity. “The fact that we couldn’t reach you for more than a month after your sister’s death, only when the killings had stopped, and the fact that you show up in town just as they’re starting again… it’s suspicious. I need to know your whereabouts during the murders. Both six years ago and now.”

Where anyone else might be indignant about being implicated in a serial murder spree, Derek Hale barely even flinches. If anything, he only seems exasperated. “Six years ago, I was in New York,” he deadpans.

“Humor me, son. We need hard evidence of your whereabouts.”

“You can check the attendance records from Columbia. I had a volunteer job through them too, so they’ll have records of my time.”

“We’ll be sure to look into that,” Stilinski says. “And the recent murders? Specifically…” He glances through the paperwork in front of him. “The hours between 3 and 5 AM the night of the 29th, 6 and 9 PM the night of the 5th, and midnight and 2 AM on the 11th.”

Derek’s frown deepens. “I would’ve been in my building by then.”

“And can anyone corroborate this?”

“The building’s tenants, I guess.”

“But no one specifically.”

“If I’m not meeting with contractors or meeting the needs of my tenants, Sheriff, I keep to myself,” Derek stresses, sounding outright annoyed now.

Unperturbed, the Sheriff hums thoughtfully. “We’ll mark that down as ‘no concrete alibi’ then. You’ve been recently seen going into the Preserve, or into places you really shouldn’t be wandering at night. Care to tell me why?”

Derek’s eyes flick towards the window, as if he somehow senses that Stiles is there watching. Stiles fights the urge to duck out of sight, even though he knows there’s no way for Derek to see him. “Last I checked, walking at night wasn’t a crime.”

“It’s not,” Sheriff Stilinski replies. “But it is questionable when we have a serial murderer on the loose.” When Derek says nothing, he grabs up a pile of photos from the file instead. Each of them are laid out one-by-one on the table between them. “Laura Hale,” he says, gesturing to her picture. “Garrison Myers. Jeremy Holmes. Marcus Reddick. Paul Unger. Edward Cunningham. Adrian Harris. Jennifer Kisler. Peter Hale. Three members of Argent’s security team. And Kate Argent.”

And this time Derek does flinch. Parrish takes a step closer to the window. It feels like the entire room holds its breath, waiting. Sheriff Stilinski pauses, and Stiles can see the gears turning in his head, the detective in him going to work.

“Just looking at them, they all seem random. No common physicality, nothing obvious that links them. Except…” He pushes the photos of Peter,  Laura, and Jennifer forward. “Two of the three survivors of the Hale fire and a caretaker of one of them.” Next he pushes the photos of Myers and Cunningham. “The insurance investigator who ruled it an accident. The retired contractor who worked on your family’s home prior to the fire.” Harris, Holmes, Reddick, and Unger are next. “Three convicted arsonists and a chemistry teacher who we know Kate Argent approached.” And last, he taps the pictures of Argent and her bodyguards. “And… an Argent and her entourage. You see the connections we’re making?”

Derek has gone pale now, his eyes trained on the photos spread across the table. And Stiles isn’t the only one who notices his gaze lingering on one in particular.

His dad picks up Kate Argent’s picture, brandishing it pointedly. “It seems like there’s no love lost between you and the Argents. You want to explain to me how you knew Miss Argent?”

“I didn’t,” Derek hisses, but the waver in his voice makes it less than believable.

“Really? You seem to recognize her.” Stilinski sets the glossy photo back on the table and pushes it towards Derek. There’s no hiding the way the man’s hands curl into fists, physically shrinking away from it. “We know that she was living in Beacon Hills before the fire, and considering she approached Harris we figure she’s either the orchestrator of the fire or one of the main accomplices. You can imagine why we’d want to know her movements while she was in town. Who she talked to. Who she knew--”

“I didn’t know her,” the other man insists, weaker this time. And that is when Stiles knows something has gone wrong. Because the look on Derek’s face is not the look of a man caught in a lie. No, Stiles has seen that look on him, has seen the cold panic of his mind working its way through one lie and into another. No, this is the same broken, hollow expression that Stiles had seen on him just days ago, back in his loft. It’s terror and knowing.

“I think we both know that’s a lie, son. Now why don’t you tell me, before I have to start asking around and find out from someone who saw you with her all those years ago.” It’s a longshot, really. A connection from twelve years ago is hard to prove, but if anyone can do it anywhere, it’s his dad in a small town like Beacon Hills.

Stiles just wishes he didn’t have such a bad feeling about it.

It seems like Derek is going to refute the accusations for a moment. The room is filled with tense, oppressing silence as he gazes hollowly at Kate Argent’s photo captured face. And then he gently, as though the item might come alive and bite him, pushes it back across the desk.

“We were in a relationship, before,” Derek confesses.

The Sheriff immediately leans forward. “Before she was killed.”

Derek heaves a sigh, like his next words physically pain him. It’s not until after they leave his mouth that Stiles realizes that might be true. “No, I mean… before the fire.”

The gravity of the admission dawns on Stiles about the exact same moment it does on his father. “Son, you would have been…”

“Just turned sixteen,” Derek finishes for him.

“That would have made her approximately twenty-five, correct?”

“I guess. She never told me.”

“And what was the nature of your relationship?”

Derek’s expression twists. “Sexual.”

There’s a moment where none of them dares to speak. The look of horror that spreads across Parrish’s face is exactly how Stiles feels in that moment. Inside the interrogation room, his dad leans his elbows on the table. His frown has taken on a different edge now.

“When did Kate Argent first approach you, Mister Hale?”

“I didn’t know her as Kate Argent, then,” Derek answers quietly. “She told me her name was Kate Mitchell. She came to one of my games, said she was impressed. She said… a lot of things. And I--” he cuts off, something hollow and terrible in his eyes. “I was so fucking stupid.”

“And why do you say that, son?” The Sheriff prods, his tone more gentle this time.

“I thought I loved her.“ Derek’s voice has gone quiet and small. “So when she was interested in my family, I told her. When she asked about the house, I told her. I’m the reason she knew when everyone would be home. And how to get into the house to rig the fire.”

The Sheriff folds his hands on the table. “Did she force you to let her in the house?”

Derek’s frown only deepens, grows more self-loathing. “If she had, I could at least say I tried to stop her. No, she only asked questions. She only seemed interested. She always made it clear what would happen if she lost interest. By then, I-- I answered every question. Like an idiot child. It’s my fault,” he says. And now he drops his gaze to his hands. “I never… told Laura. I never told anyone. Maybe if I had, Laura would have known it was my fault, and never came back.”

Stiles turns on heel and exits the booth, ignoring the hollow, sick feeling growing in his stomach. He doesn’t need to hear anymore to know they aren’t arresting Derek Hale today. Stiles returns to his desk to wait out the rest of the interview.

His hands shake as he sorts through the pile of reports on his desk, and he has to stop and take a steadying breath.

The interview answered a lot of questions, sure. It proves that the Alpha killings are intrinsically linked with the Hale fire, either for revenge or to cover up the crime itself. It proves that Kate Argent had been the likely mastermind behind the fire, even though they’re lacking in hard evidence at the moment. It explains why Derek and the Argents don’t like each other.

It also makes Stiles want to drag Kate Argent from her grave and set her on fire, but no one needs to know that.

Stiles can’t say he can see Derek, a man who seems to have internalized what happened to him and his family, turning that grief into a bloody revenge. Not anymore. Not after this. However, nothing in Derek’s statement absolves him of suspicion. A gut feeling doesn’t trump hard evidence.

Not that they have any of that either. And no grounds to request a warrant with all their speculation and circumstantial evidence.

Still, Stiles can’t help but feel a teeny, miniscule, little bit terrible about how he’s handled this whole thing. In the past week Stiles has slept with the man, left him almost immediately after, discovered a - shaky at best - connection to the Alpha, stalked him (let’s be honest), had him dragged into the station for questioning, and forced him to relive what was clearly an awful, manipulative relationship that resulted in the death of his family.

Stiles quietly lowers his head to the desk, and groans.

“You’re an awful person, Stiles,” he mutters.

[Continue on AO3]

[ourlittledinosaur]

How I slept 7 hours: Sleep Saga Continued

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.azurewebsites.net/how-i-slept-7-hours-sleep-saga-continued/

How I slept 7 hours: Sleep Saga Continued

Co-Sleeping 

There’s a lot to be said about co-sleeping. However, this post isn’t to hash out the safety precautions or to rave about the family bed. I simply want to write to share that co-sleeping is how I was able to sleep 7 hours last night. 

Seasoned co-sleepers will be nodding their approval I’m sure while others may cringe upon reading the words “family bed”, but my hope is that some where out there another tired Mama might be able to use one more suggestion to help her get a little more rest.

Milestones and Growth

My son is going through many milestone changes all at once.  It’s taking what seems like forever to cut his first tooth. Due to the drool and chomping, we’ve been expecting it for over a month now.  He’s recently hit 6 months and this past week, his constant eating and excessive night waking surely indicates the 6 month growth spurt. 

And now, my 6 month old is mobile! What?! Oh yes! He’s not full on crawling (yet!), but he is army crawling everywhere! It’s incredible. So we quickly did the baby-proofing shuffle. (I attribute this early progress to all the floor and tummy time with Daddy.)

If you’ve searched the web for anything like “why isn’t my baby sleeping? ” and insert the age of the baby, many times you’ll be reminded that during milestones, they just don’t sleep all that well.  Needless to say, my baby is feeling a little more clingy than usual.

So while I want to curse the lack of sleep, my “joy comes in the morning” as I realize all the amazing things my son is learning and has achieved. (Praise God for the fleas.)

Our 7 Hour Night

Usually I put my son to bed in his crib around 6:30pm. Then my husband and I are able to spend some time together and relax for the evening. My son wakes up to eat between 10:30 to midnight, then wakes up again a couple times in the early morning light sleep but can usually quickly be put back to bed.

Well, last night was a horse of a different color! He woke up at 9 pm and ate like he was starving! Then we went through the routine of burping and laying him back in his crib. No way, he wasn’t having it. Upon his head (or foot or hand) hitting the sheets, he immediately woke up and fussed. I don’t know how many times over the next hour I tried to lay him in his crib. It was a lot. He was perfectly content and asleep there on my shoulder.

So finally, I gave in to my own need for rest and went into his room to lay down on the mattress (on the floor) we use for his nap times. He stayed asleep. Until 5 am. What?! Oh yes! I didn’t know he could do that either!

Well, I may not have seen my own bed last night and I did miss my husband but getting to sleep without interruption for the first time in 6 months was incredible!

Decisions

I’m not really sure what’s around the bend. My husband and I discussed it this morning and we think we’re all finally ready to move our son’s crib into HIS room instead of in ours. We considered it at 4 months when he was growing out of the bassinet, but I told my husband I wasn’t ready, so we moved his crib into our room.

We also laughed as we realized, this probably means we’ll all be camped out in his room while he makes this transition. My son, me, my husband, who doesn’t want to sleep alone either, and our two dogs are moving into the nursery tonight! 

Go ahead and smile and laugh as you picture it. You know it’s funny. 

Right or Wrong

As I continue to post about our sleep/no-sleep adventure with our firstborn, (I say “our” because my husband is definitely in this “together” with me.) it dawned on me all the opinions that MUST be floating around out there.

Every parent does things differently (and from what I hear, differently from child to child as well), but it seems many people want to “put their oar” in without actually listening to the desires of the parent they’re trying to mentor.

There’s so much differing information about child rearing and it can be difficult to sift through it all, and very easy to feel like a failure once you chosen a path and then hear something different or read an article with a differing perspective. It can be downright stressful!

The fact is, God didn’t make us all from the same mold. Throughout creation you can see God’s appreciation for the unique. The individual characteristics and strengths He created in all of us is evident in our very children as we watch them grow. We appreciate these attributes in others, except perhaps it may seem, when it comes to parenting? 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to tell my story. And I love to give advice to others. In fact, I’m known to apologize in advance and give permission for the other person to tell me “thanks, but, no thanks” when I want to give advice! 

What I want to encourage here is that the advice we are giving is given out of love. And may I also suggest that the advice given is for the benefit of the other person and not for our own parenting knowledge gold star or feather in our cap. 

This isn’t a plug for everyone’s “truth” is right for them. God’s truth is the only truth and He has made that very clear when it comes to right and wrong. God didn’t make us all the same, though he did gave us commandments about certain things. 

I think we can all agree that those commandments don’t cover what color I should wear today anymore than whether I should breastfeed one year or two (or, dare I say it, more. Gasp!). I mean look at how different we all are from one another! Naturally we’re going to have different parenting styles as well. 

Wisdom in a Multitude of Counselors

Don’t go it alone. There is something to be said for asking for godly advice in all aspects of our life. Proverbs says, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. So choose a few people you trust and ask for their perspective. They may come up with some good ideas you haven’t thought of yet! 

And for those unsolicited advisors, don’t tune them out completely. You may be able to glean some gold nuggets from their experiences. Be encouraged, that their intentions are most likely good, they just aren’t very graceful about how to tell their story or offer advice that doesn’t sound judgmental. Chances are they don’t know how it makes you feel.

So wherever you are in your journey, whatever your challenge, take heart that although we are all different people, you can surround yourself with loving and encouraging people to help you through it. Even if no one else knows what to suggest in your situation, you can always ask them to pray for you. 

“Bear one another’s burdens…” Galatians 6:2a

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14

“…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b

Let us hear from you!

What advice might you have for my situation? What, if any, sleep challenges have you had with your children?

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How I slept 7 hours: Sleep Saga Continued

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.com/how-i-slept-7-hours-sleep-saga-continued/

How I slept 7 hours: Sleep Saga Continued

Co-Sleeping 

There’s a lot to be said about co-sleeping. However, this post isn’t to hash out the safety precautions or to rave about the family bed. I simply want to write to share that co-sleeping is how I was able to sleep 7 hours last night. 

Seasoned co-sleepers will be nodding their approval I’m sure while others may cringe upon reading the words “family bed”, but my hope is that some where out there another tired Mama might be able to use one more suggestion to help her get a little more rest.

Milestones and Growth

My son is going through many milestone changes all at once.  It’s taking what seems like forever to cut his first tooth. Due to the drool and chomping, we’ve been expecting it for over a month now.  He’s recently hit 6 months and this past week, his constant eating and excessive night waking surely indicates the 6 month growth spurt. 

And now, my 6 month old is mobile! What?! Oh yes! He’s not full on crawling (yet!), but he is army crawling everywhere! It’s incredible. So we quickly did the baby-proofing shuffle. (I attribute this early progress to all the floor and tummy time with Daddy.)

If you’ve searched the web for anything like “why isn’t my baby sleeping? ” and insert the age of the baby, many times you’ll be reminded that during milestones, they just don’t sleep all that well.  Needless to say, my baby is feeling a little more clingy than usual.

So while I want to curse the lack of sleep, my “joy comes in the morning” as I realize all the amazing things my son is learning and has achieved. (Praise God for the fleas.)

Our 7 Hour Night

Usually I put my son to bed in his crib around 6:30pm. Then my husband and I are able to spend some time together and relax for the evening. My son wakes up to eat between 10:30 to midnight, then wakes up again a couple times in the early morning light sleep but can usually quickly be put back to bed.

Well, last night was a horse of a different color! He woke up at 9 pm and ate like he was starving! Then we went through the routine of burping and laying him back in his crib. No way, he wasn’t having it. Upon his head (or foot or hand) hitting the sheets, he immediately woke up and fussed. I don’t know how many times over the next hour I tried to lay him in his crib. It was a lot. He was perfectly content and asleep there on my shoulder.

So finally, I gave in to my own need for rest and went into his room to lay down on the mattress (on the floor) we use for his nap times. He stayed asleep. Until 5 am. What?! Oh yes! I didn’t know he could do that either!

Well, I may not have seen my own bed last night and I did miss my husband but getting to sleep without interruption for the first time in 6 months was incredible!

Decisions

I’m not really sure what’s around the bend. My husband and I discussed it this morning and we think we’re all finally ready to move our son’s crib into HIS room instead of in ours. We considered it at 4 months when he was growing out of the bassinet, but I told my husband I wasn’t ready, so we moved his crib into our room.

We also laughed as we realized, this probably means we’ll all be camped out in his room while he makes this transition. My son, me, my husband, who doesn’t want to sleep alone either, and our two dogs are moving into the nursery tonight! 

Go ahead and smile and laugh as you picture it. You know it’s funny. 

Right or Wrong

As I continue to post about our sleep/no-sleep adventure with our firstborn, (I say “our” because my husband is definitely in this “together” with me.) it dawned on me all the opinions that MUST be floating around out there.

Every parent does things differently (and from what I hear, differently from child to child as well), but it seems many people want to “put their oar” in without actually listening to the desires of the parent they’re trying to mentor.

There’s so much differing information about child rearing and it can be difficult to sift through it all, and very easy to feel like a failure once you chosen a path and then hear something different or read an article with a differing perspective. It can be downright stressful!

The fact is, God didn’t make us all from the same mold. Throughout creation you can see God’s appreciation for the unique. The individual characteristics and strengths He created in all of us is evident in our very children as we watch them grow. We appreciate these attributes in others, except perhaps it may seem, when it comes to parenting? 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to tell my story. And I love to give advice to others. In fact, I’m known to apologize in advance and give permission for the other person to tell me “thanks, but, no thanks” when I want to give advice! 

What I want to encourage here is that the advice we are giving is given out of love. And may I also suggest that the advice given is for the benefit of the other person and not for our own parenting knowledge gold star or feather in our cap. 

This isn’t a plug for everyone’s “truth” is right for them. God’s truth is the only truth and He has made that very clear when it comes to right and wrong. God didn’t make us all the same, though he did gave us commandments about certain things. 

I think we can all agree that those commandments don’t cover what color I should wear today anymore than whether I should breastfeed one year or two (or, dare I say it, more. Gasp!). I mean look at how different we all are from one another! Naturally we’re going to have different parenting styles as well. 

Wisdom in a Multitude of Counselors

Don’t go it alone. There is something to be said for asking for godly advice in all aspects of our life. Proverbs says, there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. So choose a few people you trust and ask for their perspective. They may come up with some good ideas you haven’t thought of yet! 

And for those unsolicited advisors, don’t tune them out completely. You may be able to glean some gold nuggets from their experiences. Be encouraged, that their intentions are most likely good, they just aren’t very graceful about how to tell their story or offer advice that doesn’t sound judgmental. Chances are they don’t know how it makes you feel.

So wherever you are in your journey, whatever your challenge, take heart that although we are all different people, you can surround yourself with loving and encouraging people to help you through it. Even if no one else knows what to suggest in your situation, you can always ask them to pray for you. 

“Bear one another’s burdens…” Galatians 6:2a

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14

“…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b

Let us hear from you!

What advice might you have for my situation? What, if any, sleep challenges have you had with your children?

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